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velvetures · 1 year ago

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Honorifics

A/N: Yeah... I don't know about this. I'll probably take it down since I'm unsure if it's got enough of a consistent vibe. Let me know if it's actually something you enjoy since I don't write angst or hurt/comfort often. I ALWAYS WRITE HAPPY ENDINGS THO. That's a damn promise. Summary: You've given Ghost a title he hates, and takes it out on you. The situation goes too far, and you're both left trying to figure it out. Reader is nicknamed "Brass" since she's a long-distance shooter/sniper. T/W: angst, cursing, Ghost being an emotionally unstable human, yelling, the reader having a breakdown, smidge of not eating, smidge of not drinking anything, comfort, feelings, female reader, not proofread.

When you joined the task force, things didn’t exactly go as smoothly as you had hoped it would. Training sessions usually ended up with you either getting your ass beat or nearly surviving a full-on embarrassment by the skin of your teeth just to be told that you still weren’t in good enough shape to keep up with them in the field. Surely being a woman didn’t excuse you from being in shape for the kind of work Laswell and Price had brought you in for, but damn if it wasn’t difficult to try and have a one-on-one fight with someone like Soap or Ghost without the benefit you would typically have in a real-world battle situation. The reality that all of the men in the squad were literally the best of the best aside, there could be just barely enough room for you to compete on the same level when it came to sheer physical strength. While that wasn’t your specialty anyway, the Captain made it clear you needed to prove you could handle your own against serious physical fights without assistance. After nearly five weeks of having one of your squad mates slam you on your ass one too many times in the training hall, you finally were able to prove to Price that you could go out in the field and he didn’t have to extend any extra worries for your ability to survive.

Logistically as a sniper, it meant you frequently held a much more distant role in missions. By watching from a scope you could ensure that infiltrations, covert ops, and other hush-hush kinds of operations that typically the 141 wouldn’t have the luxury of. Being the skilled marksman you were, it made sense to take advantage of your talents and also extend you a job that progressed past what you’d experienced in your “standard” military career and multiple tours overseas. However, that meant communications were essentially the backbone of your usefulness aside from your rifle. Next to nothing else, your daily and mission-based work almost exclusively went through Lieutenant Ghost. Which… often proved to be the largest obstacle that you faced aside from making sure that your scope didn’t get bumped off sight the -often- rough flights and drives to insertion points.

The Lieutenant was particularly mean… he certainly didn’t give a single thought to if anyone thought that he was a little too harsh of a personality to swallow. That went for everything you came to learn about Ghost. From his lack of willingness to speak unless required of him, to his unique ability of appearing and disappearing from anywhere without the slightest sound or hint of where he’d come from or gone to. Trained as a distance marksman, even you were impressed that such a massive man could move around like smoke on water. That and his physical appearance; good god above. Surely a man like Ghost had never graced the face of the Earth before, else he’d have been just as mythical in his legendary life and would’ve been known by thousands of people. He stood towering over just about everyone, in whatever room he was in, and compared to your own height it was downright laughable the difference between the two of you as operators.

The one thing that made the biggest impression on you after meeting the Lieutenant was his voice and how he spoke. That thick accent always sounded rough and a little gritty. His deep timbre gave such a commanding authority that if given the choice between getting yelled at by Captain Price or Ghost… there was no choice you’d sit for hours listening to Price threaten you over Ghost. He just sounded so scary and attractive all at the same time. Unsurprisingly, it developed into a subconscious dynamic where you saw Ghost as such a superior officer -and human- that no matter how much you liked to daydream about Ghost in less-than-professional situations… You gave him the utmost respect at all times. Easiest of all to recognize was that from day one, you had never addressed Ghost to his face as anything other than ‘sir’. Not even his rank gave enough nuance to his character and presence, so for you, Ghost was inextricably attached to the name.

Ghost however… didn’t like it.

Such a simple address actually made Ghost grit his teeth beneath the shield of his mask. When he heard you call him that, he automatically related it to how he had called General Shepherd ‘sir’ as a subtle sign of mockery and defiance. Thinking about that made him more than necessarily angry and confused, but he couldn’t really accuse you of having ever been given much of a reason to detest him. Therefore, he had to come to the conclusion that you were doing it out of some kind of respect that a drill sergeant or boot camp instructor had bashed into your brain so hard that it stuck permanently. Not surprising since you were much different from the rest of the task force. Yet he had to revise that after the first six months of you being with them permanently. You had gotten settled in. Enough so that you called the Captain, ‘Cap’… Soap, ‘Johnny’… and Garrick, ‘Gaz’ like everyone else did. Exceptionalities only appeared when it came time for you to be around him or have any sort of interaction that wasn’t the occasional silent nod of acknowledgment when walking past each other in the hallways.

He honestly tried to ignore it and you altogether for that matter in an attempt to keep his bitter anger at a minimum. Seeing such a small and fucking happy woman always lingering around somewhere in the corners of his sight couldn’t be anything but a distraction waiting to happen. A bad habit that he didn’t have the mental capacity or emotional willingness to take on. Fuck… he already had to worry about the 141 as a whole, to begin with. Now you on top of that? It was more responsibility than he’d signed up for initially. Hearing you call him ‘sir’ day in and day out began to take its toll on his self-control. Ghost needed to either find out why you were hellbent on calling him that, or at least be enough of a bastard to you to be reassured that you did it because you wanted a polite way to tell him to shove it up his ass sideways.

The Lieutenant had been being nothing short of a prick in the last few months.

He was making paperwork back at HQ a nightmare that couldn’t be solved alternatively through someone like Gaz or Soap who often didn’t mind playing the part of the unbiased third party. Refusing to sign things when you stopped by his office, outright ignoring your necessary questions, and stonewalling you at every single stop along the way just to yield at the last moment and do everything you’d been asking for so the both of you wouldn’t face heat from any higher-ups. That alone was enough for you to consider talking to Soap privately since he knew Ghost the best… but you’d kept putting it off hoping that it was just a passing phase of shitty attitude.

Your patience and emotional strength fell through the floor after attempting for the third time in a week after something so fucking simple as trying to get his approval and official signature on a post-mission report Price had delegated to you after being called to Washington D.C. for a meeting. It wasn’t a major task, but knowing that the Captain had given you the responsibility first over anyone else made you want to impress him and take care of business without incident. God forbid you do something as simple as ask Ghost to pick up a pen and scribble his name at the bottom of a page so that you could send it on through the higher-up channels. It resulted in the Lieutenant straight-up yelling at you in the middle of the hallway outside his office when he’d found you standing there patiently waiting for him to show up. He wasn’t threatening physically, but it cut much deeper into your pride and feelings than it should have.

With every word that dripped venomously out of his masked mouth, you lost a little extra peace of mind on having such an untouchable and unshakably good opinion of Ghost for so long. This moment of undeserved verbal punishment was enough to make the corners of your eyes burn with inner disgrace, self-doubt, and plain old sadness which motivated you to get the hell out of there before the Lieutenant saw you cry. When you turned your back and walked away right in the middle of his berating for you being “too fucking annoying to tolerate”, your only destination was your personal quarters on the other end of the building where a lock on the door could shut out the entire base for as long as you saw fit. Upon the first estimation, it would be after Captain Price returned so that you could have at least one single chance at not getting a second punishment or dismissal from the squad. The sound of your door slamming shut and your back sliding down against it on your way down to the floor silenced the entire room around you, leaving just enough room for the papers clenched to your chest to flutter onto the ground and your weak cries to sounds amplified.

It was hours before you could drag yourself off the floor and into bed, too tired and wanting to fall back on the trained and instinctual desire to hide away somewhere isolated and not move for hours on end. Being a long-distance marksman gave you the talent of patience insurmountable to the average person, allowing days to pass by without you needing to do more than go to the bathroom before coming right back to a motionless position. That’s what you wanted tonight. You needed to focus all of your energy into your brain alone and use it to sort through the hurt burning through your eyes and throat, and the questioning that gave such a sickening feeling a chance root in your stomach. Questions of if it had been foolish to trust Ghost as much as you did the others, knowing how you’d been warned that he would be difficult to work with. Hoping you hadn’t been truly so ignorant of judging behavior to think that the Lieutenant was something much greater than his behavior had been not only today but for the past months.

The next two days were spent laying near motionless… not hungry or thirsty.

Just thinking, sleeping, and staring at the wall across from your bed.

A solid knock on your door was the first human sound that hadn’t been made by you in over forty-eight hours. You’d not looked at your phone or any communications since locking yourself inside, and there was a good chance someone from the squad had come searching for you after such a long period without seeing or hearing from you. When you refused to answer right away, another harder knock banged on the door twice and rattled the steel in its doorframe. Impatient. Testy. Quite familiar with everything you’ve been through lately. Recognizing the Lieutenant was the one outside made your gut churn all over again. Questioning whether to get up or not wasn’t hard. Laying perfectly still in bed, you waited. If you were being honest though, it’d been a long time since you’d spent so long restricting yourself from basic needs for the purpose of acting like a living phantom. Close to three years since any sniper position had left you utterly abandoned without resources. Only this time it was self-induced and nothing short of a trauma response you wanted to hide away from. Truthfully you couldn’t tell if walking to the door was an easy feat or not. After not drinking anything, using the bathroom wasn’t necessary and the last time you’d stood up didn’t cross your memory clearly.

Ghost slammed his fist against the door again one last time. But he didn’t wait long enough for you to answer before rattling the handle to the door with a heavy sigh that was audible through the cracks separating you. Metal on metal gritted softly and moved the door handle a bit further. Recognizing that as nothing short of Ghost picking the lock to your quarters without the slightest care of how he’d be breaking multiple stipulations laid out for them living in HQ. Either your physical or mental state kept you from giving a damn when the handle gave way fully, leaving a bright fluorescence light flooding in from the hallway into your pitch-black room. It made your eyes water and the urge to turn your head away was strong enough to budge your head into the blankets and pillow surrounding. Heavy boots made the paperwork scattered on the floor crunch softly and the sound of his deep breaths gave away his current state of frustration. Clearly not appreciating being locked out of a room that he had no fucking business being in. A long pause led to shuffling around, and the sound of your desk chair creaking under his weight.

“Gonna say somethin’?” He sounded no less irritated than the last time you’d spoken.

It made your throat burn to even think you’d allowed his to get in your head so deeply just to utterly rip every last bit of security and respect away from you for no damn reason. Your silence made quite the statement, even if the actual task of speaking hadn’t been a totally voluntary one. You’d not moved your jaw in days at this point.

“You’ve missed five drill sessions, two mandatory meetings, and one phone from General Shepherd.”

Listing off your offenses hardly bothered you. The consequences of this had been fully accepted days ago, and Ghost would have to do a lot more to get you up from this bed. You’d trained for hell, and no matter how badly Ghost had ruined your almost loving and patient view of him there weren’t enough men on the planet to make you get up voluntarily. Drastic… yes. Satisfying to your own pride… undoubtedly. When you didn’t even let out a single breath loud enough for Ghost to hear instead of that instant apology or willingness to appease him… please him even, with that little quip of ‘sir’ ready on your tongue, the Lieutenant was up out of that chair so quickly you heard it roll into the wall behind him hard enough to thud against the drywall.

“Goddamn it Brass, I demand a fuckin’ answer!” His loud bark caught your attention, but the feeling of your blankets being ripped off your body was a far more startling sensation.

Baring you to the cold air of the room, all your body managed was to raise chills on your skin in a feeble attempt to keep you warm or alert you to seek out that heat again. Tension exploded into shocked silence when Ghost didn’t utter more than a sharp inhale after getting one, shadowed glimpse of your body totally frozen on your stomach. You knew it couldn’t look great. Snipers could come back looking like skeletons sometimes after a long mission if they were given the orders to stay put. You’d not been laying nearly long enough for that to be the case, but dehydration was certainly a symptom you were ignoring quite easily, as well as the possibility of some minor pressure ulcers that would linger for a few weeks if you didn’t move soon. Ghost wasn’t as familiar with the sight of how you felt internally. Snipers weren’t commonly used or in collaboration with Task Force 141. You’d been their first real look at how the inner workings moved or didn’t, and much of your personal way of doing things had dispelled or blown away any misguided assumptions they’d made about your skills early on. Viewing a sniper after days of doing literally nothing, of her own free will…? That wasn’t healthy or accepted in general military companies. Lucky Ghost got the front-row seat though.

When you heard his movement next to you, weight pressed down the mattress at your side in the shape of his hands, and a low sigh registered.

“Brass…” Failing to even say something, you wondered if your own assessment of yourself wasn’t accurate. “It’s been five days.” His faltered tone was truthful, and it destroyed your semblance of time that had been misled by the absence of sunlight coming in through your room.

You thought about trying to say something, resolve falling flat when swallowing felt difficult. A gloved hand rested against your thigh and Ghost almost growled again, sounding a lot more like he was resisting the urge to squeeze you hard. Only his fingers traced along your hip and over the curve in your waist with a tense and heavy swallow. He was being gentle beyond your concept of his depth of emotion and understanding. Nearly loving as he paused over your ribcage with another pinched sort of sound. Staying like that for what felt like hours, you struggled to keep yourself awake. It had been a struggle to move your tongue in your mouth, testing what mobility you’d lost in the short term. Only Ghost wasn’t leaving like you expected, and suddenly his voice returned it its normal stature.

“This’s Ghost. Get a bay ready now, I’m bringin’ someone in.” The reverb of his voice crackled in a radio you knew hooked to his vest. A backup short-range alternative in the case that SAT couldn’t be established or wasn’t clear enough to rely on in the field. Apparently, he used it to keep in contact with someone on base. Or multiple people for all you knew.

“Copy Ghost.” A static voice could be heard and quickly the room was pitched back into a silence you wanted to remain in, but Ghost was adamant to keep infracting alone with a whole list of other rules that, for whatever reason, just didn’t fucking matter or apply to him.

His other hand searched around the dark until he found your face resting amongst the fabric of your bed, curling his hand around your head and meticulously lifting you so very slowly away from the bed with his other arm steadying your legs that had also been taken up off the mattress. You’d never touched Ghost once in all the time you’d known him. Understanding that with his sour attitude, there couldn’t be a single chance in Hell that touching him was an acceptable action. Whereas with Soap, Gaz, and even on occasion Price: hugs, handshakes, shoves, and other physical touches were common, Ghost totally ignored all human contact. Maybe Hell had frozen over outside of your quarters for your weak and still motionless body to be lifted up against the Lieutenant’s chest and carried preciously outside of your room into the burning light of HQ. His chest heaved deep and quickly against you. Both hands curled around you and flexed tighter each time you were able to hear another set of shoes approaching closer to you. Possessive like a soldier. Silent like a Ghost. Determined.

He takes you straight to the medical hall where three nurses and two of the on-shift doctors are fast to respond to your condition. Only Ghost refuses to let them take you away from him for any reason. Stoically stonewalling them just like he habitually did to you as they begged him to lay you down on a transport bed so they could take you back to a room for assessment. The Lieutenant took you there himself, with the group of nurses and doctors hot on his heels and surrounding your bed once Ghost had you settled down inside a private room.

The whole place smells sterile and like alcohol. It’s not the first time you’ve been here, but these are far different circumstances. You’re still too sensitive to open your eyes, but hands are all over your body, gloves fingers touching around the sore places on weight-bearing points on your body, pricks in your fingertips, and a needle poke to the back of your hand. It’s overstimulating, to say the least, and you’re worried they’re going to think you’ve tried to starve yourself to death or decided that living altogether wasn’t worth it and simply wasting away into your bed was the solution. Right away, one of the voices of the medical professionals breaks that worry in your mind by calling for some of the tests to be staggered, needing time between them for nothing other than your own benefit.

“Treat this no differently than prolonged active reconnaissance,” The female voice states softly. “Being on-the-gun for this long is detrimental to all senses, and she’s going to need a while to wake up in a meaningful way.” She added, voice coming clearer the closer she got to your head.

“You’ve been working very hard, I suspect. Maybe not in the field… but you’re one tough lady.” She commented to you quite personally, her hand falling to your shoulders. “We’re going to get you plenty of fluids and start you on a vitamin drip to get everything running as it should again. You’ve also got some slight bedsores, but as long as we take care of them now, you’ll be right as rain soon, sniper.”

Tests were run, treatments began, and nurse after nurse was brought in with both doctors running rotations in and out of your room for the rest of the night. All of them were under the hard watch of Ghost who’d not moved from his position sitting in the corner of your room where he could see not only you but anyone approaching the door. He’d been very quiet throughout the process, watching and waiting for someone to give him some news about your condition with actual certainty. Stewing over the guilt he felt knowing damn well he was the reason you’d shut down so far and were still unable -or unwilling- to come out of it yet. You’d been nothing but the perfect little woman, doing her job with skill and grace, making everyone around you happier just with one glance in your direction. But fuck, he couldn’t stand seeing someone do the callous profession of killing people with one single squeeze of her finger and still have so much innocent and emotional humanity inside such a small body. Ghost couldn’t wrap his mind around it. So instead of trying to do the right thing and figure it out, he did what a man so out of touch with empathy did: Try to snuff it out.

You threatened him whether you or he realized it in the beginning.

But now he could see it with that crystal fucking clear hindsight. How monstrous he was for punishing you with no foundation other than his own selfish fear of seeing a dynamic he didn’t know was possibly wrapped up inside of you. Sweet and little you, never saying anything to him other than a ‘yes sir’ or ‘no sir’. Goddamnit Ghost knew he’d nearly killed you in a way. Seeing days of neglect in your sallow expression, darkened under eyes, and weakened body was more than even his cold heart could take all at one time. Wasting away for someone as useless as himself, all because he’d never given you enough credit for finding something worth liking in him where no one else had. Screaming at you. Cursing your existence. Right in your face, while he’d been too big of a pussy to even take off his own mask he hid behind every day as he utterly destroyed your meaningful position and life working alongside of his and his squad. Owing you his life wouldn’t nearly cover his offenses. Laughably, Ghost admitted his own life or death couldn’t measure up to yours. So instead of saying any kind of bullshit apology, he sat in the corner of your room and denied himself sleep, food, and water because there wasn’t anything else he could do until you’d been considered healthy and strong again.

Almost one week to the day you had been signed off for return to duty with zero restrictions. Your physical and mental evaluations came back clean, and with both Price and Ghost signing off on the doctor’s orders, you returned to your quarters where you expected to see your room exactly as you’d left it before Ghost brought you into the medical wing. Only nothing was as you’d left it. All the paperwork left on the floor was gone, as well as the other documents that had been left on your desk that still needed finishing. All of it was gone. Your bed and all of the bedclothes you’d been taken from were also missing. Replaced with totally brand new bedding in dark hues of dark green and navy blue with a decidedly feminine pattern on the quilt. Items you didn’t own. Or have any idea where they came from. Even the smell of stale air was traded for a woody, and familiar smell that wasn’t of a candle, or room spray; It was from a person. The person who sat in the corner of your room in your desk chair with his massive arms crossed over his chest and dark eyes staring at you through the painted visage of a skull gracing a black compression mask.

“Sir,” You greet hoarsely, still working through some of the non-significant parts of your recovery that lingered. Ghost stood from his seat and met you halfway across your room with a silent nod, his hand reaching out and motioning for you to step closer to him. Warily but complicit, you make the few steps forward and watch his hand turn to slide against your jaw and stay there firmly. “I expected you to be at drill.” You say with a tinge of surprise at the touch of his bare hand resting against your cheek.

“Should be,” He replied flatly. “But I’m not.” You nod a little, biting your tongue when his fingertip rubs over the curve of your ear. His eyes were soft and his unarmored physique was highlighted by the shadows made by the lamp on your side table. He’s inspecting you, you know as much. Clear by his thumb pressing over your pulse point and the minute exactly that he waits before speaking again.

“Do you like the color green?” His question knocks you off guard and his eyes slide over the quilt laying neatly over your bed. You were quick to answer honestly out of mere habit.

“Yes, sir.”

His hand stiffens against your cheek, and Ghost takes another step closer. His boots graze the tips of yours and his chin is nearly tucked against his chest to look down at you properly. You’re breathing a little harder, anticipating another break of his patience and an onslaught of screaming all directed at your apparent mistakes made right in front of his face. Judgments you’d still be unable to solve no matter how much you thought about it or what you did to try and find a solution of healthy -or not- motives. Ghost doesn’t yell though. He actually lowers his face down to yours, eyes locked right on you and an intensity burning there.

“Why do you call me that?” His low growl made you shiver, especially when his hand dropped lower to your throat. Now squeezing, but holding your gaze steady on him, reminding you of his strength. The power over you he’d always held, and given you the instant to call him ‘sir’ in the first place. Everything about Ghost was overwhelming, and you’d always been one wave away from drowning under him.

“You deserve the honor…” You answer, certain. Even if he’d broken your spirit and came back in the aftermath with questions you still believed to be much too complex for a single-sentence answer. Hopefully, he understood a little bit better but the way you leaned against his hand, letting him actually feel the pressure of your throat pressing into his palm. Literally offering your trust in him over again, testing the Lieutenant and watching as his eyes widened. His other hand came up to your face, counteracting the pressure you’d applied to keep your breath and blood flow uninterrupted. His face is still only inches away from yours but unflinching at the close contact.

“Brass,” He murmured, masked face teasing closer with his own lack of control. “I’m not what you think I am.” Your chest tightens with his words, soaked in desperation that heats your lips and cheeks.

“What’s that, sir?” You question, earning another flinch of his fingers against your skin.

“Safe… Trustworthy… Honorable.” He replies, getting even closer. The smooth material ghosted over your lips, and his breathing fanning over you wetly through the damp material. You sigh, feeling lightheaded. Weak in his hands, confused yet happy to have your life held in the palms of his hands. Confused about where his mistrust comes from, but gaining perspective every time he flinches when you address him in the way you always believed he’d feel the most revered and… loved.

“You’re wrong,” You challenge, hands moving from your sides to run up the thin shirt covering his chest. “You’re a man of fear. One that death shakes at the mention of. Even looking at you through my scope a mile away is enough to remind me you’re capable of inhuman things…” Your voice lowers, hearing thoughts straight from your soul escaping without filter from your brain. “Yet you’re human. So much more than anyone sees. Because it’s not evil that keeps you going. It’s the fear and hatred of losing anything that means something to you.” Your hand rests over his chest, hearing his heart thundering against his ribs.

“You’re not a monster, you are terrified of losing everything. That is why I call you ‘sir’, is because you’re a man unlike any other, Ghost.”

Hearing your own voice say his name like that feels so foreign. Coming off your tongue with the letters not fitting together in a way that you’d experienced. But Ghost… he reacts differently. His hands tightened around you and he hugged you against his chest tightly. His chest heaves up and down and the thunder of his heartbeat impossibly quickens until your left ear can’t hear anything but the repetitive thrum of blood coursing through his body. Heavy arms snake around you, one around your head to secure it to him and the other clinging to your waist with his hand fisting into your shirt until it’s skin-tight on your stomach. The Lieutenant practically shakes against you, using your much smaller frame to steady himself.

Yet he’s dropping to one knee on the ground, bringing you down with him until he’s nearly cradling you and softly rocking your weight back and forth. Soothing himself in much the same way a child would after scraping their knee on the sidewalk and the tears have begun to dry up. God, it made the massive man feel so weak; much like you did after he’d yelled at you a week ago. Both of you kneeled on the floor now with all of your wounds opened up to each other and had silently found a calm within the eye of a destructive storm that had been raging against the pair of you while everyone on the outside had been simply looking on with bated breath to see how the ending would play out.

“Brass - I…” Ghost’s voice choked up again, his arms tightening around you. “God, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t ignore you anymore… I’m losing my mind.”

You lean into his chest harder, arms struggling to reach all the way around his wide back in an attempt to support him a little bit. You understood through the way he was grabbing at anything on you he could desperately. So you did all you could and rubbed your hand up and down his back quietly allowing him the time to work through his thoughts. Both of you had been hurt by this, and while the Lieutenant’s form of apology came in the way he’d ushered you for help when you needed it most and unquestionably been the reason behind the way your quarters looked. Now it was you, cradling a man who’d never shown a single crack in his armor, feeling the weight of so many emotional wounds that he was practically bleeding out with pain and palpable regret.

“You don’t have to…” You whisper, resting your forehead against his.

Ghost just nods his head, panting heavily and giving a low sort of whine. “I’m so sorry…”

You smile sadly. “I’m sorry too.”

His eyes soften more, blinking away at wetness brimming at his waterline. “Say it again… please. I need to hear it. God, please.”

“It’s okay…” Your hands cradle his cheeks, feeling the sharp lines and hard muscles. “I’m right here, Ghost. We’re going to do this over again… Together, Ghost.”

Nodding weakly, he meets your gaze as you say his name again. Reveling in it. “Together… together, with you.”

#simon ghost riley #ghost x reader #cod #cod mwii #simon riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #velvetures writes #velvetures #hurt/comfort #angst with a happy ending

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cressidagrey · 3 months ago

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Looked to the Sky - Chapter 14

Summary:

Eira Archeron was neither a Valkyrie, nor a Seer, nor the High Lady of the Night Court. She was, however, Azriel‘s mate with her own mysterious, untrained powers.

Also known as: Azriel tries to court his mate the human way.

Warnings:

THIS IS THE LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE SEQUEL! SO READ THAT FIRST IF YOU WANNA READ THIS ONE OTHERWISE THIS MAKES NO SENSE!

Elain Bashing, Low Self Esteem, I gave Kallias a random younger brother that is decisively not canon, Azriel has issues and a breakdown and without @k-godling this would have never happened.

(super pretty dividers by @tsunami-of-tears)

"We have an... unforeseen problem," Mor said as she burst into the dining room days later, coming too late for dinner, throwing a stack of letters on Rhys' place.

Azriel watched Rhys skim through them, a frown on his High Lord's face as he read through the documents, his eyes narrowing as he did. That, alone, had his irritation and tension rising.

Unforeseen was...not good. Unforeseen problems were almost never good. They were problems, and those didn't usually have nice or easy solutions.

Especially because Azriel didn't know about it

“Rhys?” Feyre asked carefully.

"Kalllias' younger brother Kleon is asking for Eira's hand in marriage," Rhys said drily.

Unforeseen problem indeed.

A wave of pure, unexpected and overpowering possessiveness suddenly washed over Azriel. The shadows around him darkened and writhed with the force of the reaction, and he had to forcibly suppress the noise that wanted to escape his throat as a growl.

It was...unexpected, uncontrollable. The possessive feeling coursed through him like wildfire.

His body ached with the need to get Eira, get her away. He...he wanted, needed, had to have...to keep her away from this...male. This male that wanted his mate.

His mate, his mind roared.

He could feel the shadows coiling around him, darker than usual in his anger and agitation.

Every instinct inside him was roaring, raging, the thought of Eira with that male...that male that wasn't him making him see red.

The very thought of that gods-damned Winter Court male taking his mate away from him …

"What?" Eira blurted out. "We talked about harps for 5 minutes!"

"Wow, that must have been a conversation," Cassian muttered under his breath.

Eira shot a glare at the winged male, but Cassian ignored it, too busy trying to suppress a smirk at the situation.

"Apparently a very engaging conversation,” Mor added, a faint smile on her lips.

"For Kleon, at least, apparently," Feyre added her tone just as drily as her friends had been.

“What does he even want?" Eira asked, her voice just as incredulous as he felt. "We spoke for moments. Minutes at most! And...and he wants to get married because of that?”

Azriel's heart jumped at the sound of the word married. Married. Married to someone that wasn't him.

Rhys sighed. "I am going to say something, you aren't going to like," he warned Eira quietly, waiting until she nodded. "There are multiple reasons. And Kleon was not the only male that was sniffing around you during that wedding. He was just the only one that dared to approach.

One of the first reasons...it's political in nature. Even if you married Kleon and not a High Lord, that would still forge bonds between two courts."

"Political," she echoed faintly, and even from where he was, Azriel could see the way her eyes darkened faintly.

Of course, it would forge political bonds. One sister married into Day Court, two others into Night…why not the fourth into Winter?

Eira’s jaw was clenched, her hands balling up into fists in her lap, and he could have sworn even the air around her was tense as if it was reacting to her emotions.

Azriel waited for lightning sparks to appear, but nothing did.

"It's not the only reason," Rhys added quietly, and his voice was still as painfully neutral as before.

Eira shot him a look, eyes narrowing faintly.

"Secondly...It's breeding potential," Rhys said, grimacing at his own words. "You are one of only 3 cauldron-made females. You have untapped potential. A strong-magical mother nearly always results in a child with a strong magical potential."

Breeding potential.

The words echoed through Azriel's mind and his heart dropped like a stone to his stomach at that moment.

The very thought of Eira having....the very thought of any other male than him even touching her...

It made his heart seize, and his mind scream.

“The third reason..." Rhys continued, his voice still painfully neutral.

Azriel knew what the third reason was, he already knew what it was going to be, but he couldn't bring himself to breathe.

"It's because you're beautiful," Rhys said quietly, and the words came out...more bluntly than he'd probably meant to.

For a moment, Eira said nothing, her eyes dropping to her lap. Something like surprise, or disbelief, or something flashed through her eyes before the hint of a bitter, sarcastic smile appeared on her face.

"I'm average," she said quietly, and her voice was...bitter, slightly defiant.

They could give themselves the fault for that bundle of self-esteem issues.

Mor snorted faintly. "Not for Kleon, clearly," she said, in a voice that was affectionate. "Apparently he spent 3 days waxing poetically about your virtues to both his brother, The High Lord, but also his sister-in-law, Viviane."

"Poetically" Eira echoed faintly, like she was having a hard time processing the words. "We spoke for minutes," she repeated, her voice incredulous, almost sounding like she was in shock.

"He has apparently been enamoured by you since the moment he saw you," Rhys said, and even with his neutral, level voice, it was impossible to miss the hint of amused disbelief. "He wrote 4 pages on your 'remarkable eyes' and 2 pages on your hair." He held up the pages filled with an elegant sprawling script.

Eira seemed to be at a loss for words, her words choked in her throat and her eyes wide. The look on her was something between shock and disbelief.

Azriel was torn between wanting to laugh out loud and hissing at the very idea.

Rhys shrugged. "He's clearly very serious about you. He's offering not just an engagement but also a betrothal if you would prefer that before an engagement. It would be a very old-fashioned way to go about it, but also very respectful. You would have all the power to put an end to it if he does anything you don’t like.”

Betrothal, engagement.

The very words made his heart jump into his throat and his shadows writhe in agitation.

He could sense Mor trying to look at him from the corner of her eye, but he couldn't bring himself to look back. He was too busy forcing the snarling, hissing thing down.

His mate.

The word echoed through his mind, louder and more powerful than before.

The very idea of that male wanting his mate, marrying his mate...

His heart was still lodged in his throat, pounding like a hammer against his ribcage with each beat as he struggled to keep his head clear and...and not just pick her up, throw her over his shoulder and then flee away with her.

But the mere idea of it made a small, bitter, almost twisted part of himself want to roar with the possessiveness that coursed through him.

It wanted to roar and scream in a possessive rage that this gods-damned Winter Court male couldn't have her. She was his. Eira was his mate.

It took every ounce of willpower and control he had to even keep his voice at least somewhat level as he said, "Are you... are you considering it?"

Eira's head snapped up as if she'd been struck, and she looked at him, her eyes locking with his.

There was a stunned look on her face. "I…" she stuttered, choking on the words. She hadn't been expecting the question.

“Kleon is a good male,” he forced out the words that tasted like ash on his tongue. “A courtier, not a warrior. He prefers music and poetry over weapons.” And wouldn’t that make him a perfect fit for Eira? For soft, sweet, gentle Eira who has cried inconsolably about the males she had killed? Who never wanted to be a weapon?

Eira's eyes were still on him, stunned, and he could sense the surprise and disbelief in her.

He could also sense the disbelief from the others, but his focus was completely on her.

What are you doing, Master? the shadows spat out. Did you hit your head?!

She has the right to choose. Even when it wasn’t him. Maybe especially if it wasn’t him.

If she would prefer a male that had taken one look at her and immediately realised the treasure that lay before him…and not a bumbling idiot like him who had spent years hurting her, carving out her heart with his own stupidity.

"Are you...?" Eira's voice was faint, almost stunned, and there was disbelief in her eyes and her tone at the thought of…his words. Her eyes were wide and bewildered as they looked at him. “Are you trying to talk me into marrying him?”

No.

His heart wrenched and his breath caught, and his mind was screaming at him for even for suggesting it.

But…but if she would be happier if she would have preferred someone different than him…he would have.

He should want her to be happy more than he wanted her, shouldn’t he?

“He’s a good male,” he repeated, his voice hoarse. “You should have a choice.”

“A choice between my mate and a man I had one conversation about?” Eira snapped. “What is wrong with you?!” She demanded. “You are courting me and you think I would entertain the attention of another man?!”

She was furious.

It was in the way her voice sounded, and how she looked at him, in the way her expression was almost spitting fire.

It took a moment for his mind to wrap around her words before they suddenly hit him in full force and he felt his heart jump in his chest.

“You...you’re choosing?” he said quietly, and for a moment his heart was lodged in his throat. “You're choosing me?”

“I chose you the moment I accepted your intent to court me,” Eira snapped. He had never seen her angry like that before. Seemingly seething. “You know how insulting it is that you think I would do that?”

The realization, mixed with the anger in her voice and the insult on her face...it made his breath catch and his heart jumps in his throat.

There was a painful hope in his heart, as the realization hit him.

She…she wanted him.

Even after all his bumbling stupidity and the years of making her cry...she wanted him.

“Yeah, it is,” Nesta snapped. “You pretty much just called my sister a loose woman with questionable morals!”

Azriel’s head snapped over to the oldest Archeron sister, but Nesta held his gaze for a moment before she looked at Eira with a fierce, fiercely protective look on her face.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” he choked out.

“No? Then how did you mean it?” Eira asked him, unwilling to back down. “You think I would choose a male I had one conversation with over my mate? Why?”

"You could have a male that took one look at you and immediately saw the treasure that you are. You could have a High Lord's only brother, who likes poetry and music and who has not bathed his hands in the blood of thousands," he continued weakly. "A male that..."

As the words came tumbling out he could feel the disbelief and fury on her. It was there in her voice when she cut him off with a loud, firm:

"I do not want him."

She took a deep breath, her hands balled into fists, her eyes stormy and glittering with the anger and hurt inside of her.

"I want you." He stared at her. “Yes,” she said, her voice quiet now, but just as pained as her eyes. “I could have a male like that. And yet I choose you.”

He was silent, staring at her wordlessly; her words echoing through his mind, his heart hammering in his chest.

She wanted him.

She wanted him. Despite…despite all of his stupidities and all the hurt he’d caused her. Despite how...how badly he’d hurt her; how badly he knew he’d hurt her in the past. How many times he’d made her cry because of his stupidity…she stillwanted him.

He was staring at her, stunned into silence and unable to say anything, his emotions running wild in his mind and his heart.

There was a desperate, painful hope in his mind…but there was also an uncertain, hesitant, wary part of himself that couldn’t bring itself to believe it. That part of him that couldn’t believe that she would want him.

Eira’s eyes were still on his, wide and staring at him, and suddenly she looked...uncertain. Unsure.

A hint of doubt flashed across her face, and her voice...her voice was just as uncertain as her eyes when she spoke again.

“That’s…that’s still what you want, right?“

And the mere idea that she even needed to ask that had him snapping out of his stunned and speechless silence.

“Yes,” he said, and his own voice sounded strangled and ragged as he did. “Gods, yes.”

Yes, he...he wasn't even sure what he was doing as he slipped from his chair...as he ended on his knees in front of Eira...pressing his face into the soft pillow of her skirts, breathing in the scent of snowdrops and almonds and Eira...his mate.

His. His. His.

She wanted him. For some cauldron-forsaken reason, she was willing to give him another chance.

The scent of her...it filled his nose, the familiar, comforting scent of a crisp winter night, snowdrops and almonds, and he pressed his head against the soft skirt of her dress.

He was on his knees, burying his face against her, his hands grabbing at the fabric of her dress as if he didn’t want to let her go.

Eira gave a gasp of surprise at his suddenly dropping to his knees in front of her, a small, startled noise as the unexpected move had her jolting against the back of her chair. He couldn’t fight the desperate growl from his mouth.

Mate. Mine. My mate. My mate.

He…he didn’t deserve her. Didn’t deserve to have her in his life. Didn’t deserve to have her forgive him for the all ways he’d hurt her in the past.

He didn’t deserve her, he knew he didn’t.

He didn’t deserve her after what he had done; after everything he’d put her through by not realising...by his stupidity.

But gods, he wanted her. Wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything else. Wanted her more than he’d ever wanted to breathe, or live.

He wanted her, every part of her. Every part of her body and mind and soul. He wanted every part of her in every way he could have her.

And she wanted him. She chose him.

Just like now her hand lifted and small fingers started running through his hair...as she touched him, with love and gentleness.

"What is the polite way to refuse?" Eira asked, her voice even. "I am not interested."

The sound of her voice, the feel of her fingers in his hair, her scent all around him…it all felt like a dream, like something that wasn’t real. Something he didn’t deserve.

He just…he just closed his eyes, letting the feel and sound of her envelope him, trying to commit it to memory.

"Well, we'll just tell him that," Mor said drily.

"Politely, of course," Feyre added.

Azriel could feel that the two females were looking at him, could feel the eyes of the others as well; as he knelt before Eira, his face pressed against her lap, his hand gripping her knee in a desperate, possessive grip.

The thought of someone else with her…with his mate...

His grip on her knee tightened, and his face stayed buried against her lap and her skirts, breathing in her scent, committing it to memory and letting her fingers run through his hair.

He felt her shift, and a moment later, her hand came to his face.

He didn’t move at her touch, keeping his face buried against her and refusing to come up, just breathing in her scent and letting her fingers stroke his face.

Her touches were so soft and gentle, that he could hardly believe it. After...after everything he’d done to her, all the ways he’d…he’d hurt her; he could hardly believe she was willing to touch him like this.

Eira’s fingers continued to stroke his face, tracing his cheekbone and his jaw and down to his neck, just…gently touching him and caressing him.

His heart clenched and his breath stuttered in his chest, his body going almost completely still as he just…he just let her touch him. Her touches left a trail of fire on his skin wherever her hands travelled, setting his entire nervous system ablaze and almost overwhelming him.

“Tell him I have a mate,” Eira said evenly, and he nearly shuddered at the claim in her voice.

Azriel had to fight the desperate, possessive sound that wanted to slip out of his mouth; the snarl of pure, desperate need, and pride, and desire at the claim.

His mate, she was his mate.

He still didn’t move, still didn’t look up, his face hidden against her skirts, but he was listening. Intently.

They were all silent for a moment, and he could practically hear the others look at each other.

Mor was the first to speak, and her voice was still amused, but with an undertone of something other.

“That…might not be enough,” she said, her voice quiet, cautious.

He could feel Eira’s eyes narrowing.

“And why not?” she snapped out, her voice a bit harsh. Her hand in his hair curled, and her fingers dug into his hair.

He didn’t even try to contain the quiet, strangled sound that tore itself from his mouth at the feel of the sudden grip on his hair and the possessive, almost territorial gesture.

“A male like Kleon might not see that as enough of a reason to back down,” Mor said carefully, and Azriel could practically hear her choosing her words.

He tensed instinctively, and the possessive grip his shadows had around his body suddenly grew tighter. "At least not until there is a ring on your finger."

There was a moment of stunned silence at Mor’s words, and Eira’s breath caught, and her hands stilled against his head.

“A…a ring…?” Her voice sounded dumbfounded and stunned.

Azriel did not like the quiet sound of Mor’s smirk as she said: “Traditionally, the sight of a ring on a woman’s finger is enough for even the most persistent suitor to accept her rejection.”

It took all his willpower and discipline for Azriel to not let the snarling sound that wanted to escape from his mouth.

He could feel the others’ eyes on Eira, all of them on her, and for a long moment he could hear nothing but her breath, harsh and uneven and fast, and his own.

Then he could hear her voice, quiet and rough and unsteady when she spoke.

“I…” He flinched at the sound of her swallowing. “I think Azriel and I need to have a talk."

He felt her push at his head, and he slowly relented, lifting his head away from her skirts.

He looked at her…and the sight of her wide, blue eyes staring back at him with such an open mixture of uncertainty, doubt, fear and hope made his heart clench.

"Let's go upstairs," she said softly.

Azriel was unable to say anything, he just nodded wordlessly and allowed her to push him back, silently taking her hand when she offered it and following her as she led him out of the dining room and up the staircase.

He hadn’t expected that, but then again he hadn’t exactly been in a place to expect anything in that moment, his mind too overwhelmed and terrified of screwing things up even more.

It was Eira who let go of his hand, crossing the room to perch on the edge of her bed, before she looked up at him silently, her hands clasped in her lap.

He didn’t move, feeling almost frozen in place as he saw her sitting there, perched on her bed and looking up at him with those wide, blue eyes.

His throat was dry and tight, and his heart was hammering in his chest, his mind racing through hundreds of possible things he could say and a thousand things he wanted to say.

So he did the only thing he could do...again.

He moved.

He crossed the room in quick, silent strides, closing the distance between them and kneeling before her.

***

Eira sucked in a sharp breath as Azriel knelt before her again, watching as a mix of emotions flickered over his face.

He had his eyes on her lap as she stared down at him, and the expression had her breath hitching, her heart clenching as he knelt before her.

His hands were clenched into fists on his thighs, his breathing ragged and laboured.

Before, he had buried his face into her lap. Without a word. Silent.

Now, he didn’t touch her, just...just knelt there, his body tense and muscles flexed to the point of shaking and his eyes trained on her lap.

His wings were tightly tucked into his back, not their usual relaxed posture, but tucked in so tightly, like he expected her to hurt him.

He was so tense, it looked almost painful. She could practically feel the anxiousness and the worry and all the things he was hiding rolling off him in waves.

She reached out before she could help herself, once again carding her finger through his hair, through the dark unruly waves.

The sound that left his mouth was somewhere between a sigh and a strangled whimper, and his body shuddered against her. His eyes fluttered, and he leaned almost unthinkingly into her touch.

Her mind was still a fucking mess, reeling. This wasn't exactly how she had ever expected to receive a proposal. Actually, it was the last way how she ever wanted it to happen.

She hadn’t even thought of it as a possibility.

"Talk to me," she whispered quietly. "Azriel."

His breath shuddered as she said his name, and she heard the strangled noise it drew from his throat, his shoulders tensing and his head dropping further, his eyes hiding from her as he leaned his forehead against the side of her knee.

Just the sight of him now, the feel of his hair beneath her fingers and the feel of his body shaking against her...it made her want to pull him closer, wrap her entire body around his.

She still had her hands in his hair, stroking and petting his head, and she wasn’t sure if she was doing it more to soothe him, or more to soothe herself.

"I am sorry," she apologised quietly when it was clear that he wasn't going to say anything. "I only danced with him to be polite."

His entire body went rigid at that, and the noise he made was strangled and desperate, and his shoulders trembled, shaking with whatever he was holding back.

“Don’t…don’t apologise,” he forced out, his voice rough and ragged, and his throat so thick she could almost see his jaw clenching. “You…you don’t need to apologise for…for anything.”

Her hands in his hair stilled instinctively; her breath caught, and her own body went still and tense.

The words were a strangled confession and a tortured desperate plea, and it made her heart ache.

Her fingers started moving again, resuming the soothing, gentle motions of her movements, and she could feel the way her touch, the way her gentleness affected him as the tension in his body lessened and he almost leaned into her.

"You deserve better than me," Azriel whispered.

Her breath hitched, and her eyes stung, and a mix of pain and anger and guilt surged through her.

“Don’t say that,” It was a firm, almost choked-out response, her fingers clenching in his hair.

“Don’t…” Her voice caught, and her chest felt too tight. “Don’t you dare say that.”

"You…you deserve so much better," he said, and she could hear the strangled, pained tone in his voice. “Anyone is better than me, and you…you don’t…don’t deserve to be stuck with me, I…I don’t deserve to be near you, to call myself your mate, let alone anything else…”

Her throat felt too tight, and there was an aching, desperate pain in her chest at his words, her heart clenching as she heard the self-deprecation, the guilt, the hate in his voice when he spoke.

She couldn’t let him think that, couldn’t. The thought that he hated himself that much, that he thought so little of himself…it was unbearable.

"Listen to me," Eira said quietly. "I chose you. I will always choose you. You are my mate. From the very first moment, I saw you, when I was still human...I knew that I was yours."

His entire body shuddered at her words, shuddering so hard that she could feel it, could feel the way his body quaked against her. The sound he made was a strangled, guttural noise, and it was something between a strangled whimper and a choked-back sob.

She could practically feel his body aching, strained. He was holding himself so taut, so tense as if he was trying to hold himself back. Her hands in his hair didn’t stop, trying to soothe him, trying to coax him into relaxing, trying to get him to respond to her.

“You…you’re beautiful,” she whispered, and his chest heaved, a ragged, shaky breath tearing from his throat at her words. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…and the kindest, strongest person I know. And yes, sometimes you are an idiot, but who isn’t? And I…” She took a deep breath, her fingers clenching in his hair. “I love you.”

He broke at that, his entire body trembling and shuddering as the first, strangled sob tore free from his throat, and it was a painful, broken, guttural sound that felt like it’d been torn from his very soul.

His entire body slumped against her, leaning his weight against her, as his shoulders shook and his hands twisted in her skirts.

Her heart ached at hearing his sob, and the sound of his pained tears filled her mind. Her hands in his hair clenched, her fingers still running through his hair as she felt him shudder and shake against her, his body trembling and his arms wrapping around her waist as he leaned his entire body against her.

It was instinct that had her wrapping her own arms around him, her one hand going to his back and pulling him against her as he fell apart.

"I love you," she breathed, as she pressed kiss after kiss against his hair. "I love you. And I want to marry you. I want to marry you. And I want these fat rosy-cheeked babies with you, that you promised me. That have my hair and your wings. I want you. I don't care that you think that you aren't good enough for me. I think you are enough. And that's all that matters."

His whole body shuddered at her words. He was still crying, still shaking, as he pressed his face against her, breathing in the scent of her.

“You…you want…you want that? With me?”

“Of course I do,” she breathed, as she kept stroking his hair, her hands never stopping their gentle, soothing stroking of his head. “You’re my mate, and I’m yours, and I love you…and I want everything with you; a family, and a home, and just you. Just you for the rest of our lives.”

“You…you want me?” His voice was ragged and raw, hoarse from his tears and the crying. “You…you don’t…don’t want someone…better?”

“No,” she said firmly, as she continued to stroke his hair. “You’re my mate. You’re the person I want, the one I choose. And there isn’t anyone better, because it’s you I’m in love with. And it’s only you.”

Her words were met with a ragged, strangled-sounding noise from him, and she could feel the way his body shuddered again, his shoulders shaking as he trembled against her.

He didn’t speak again, and she heard him inhale, his arms holding her tighter against him; the low, ragged, deep breaths he was taking trying to calm himself, trying to gather himself.

"I love you," he whispered.

She felt her chest clench, her heart aching, with how raw and broken his voice sounded, and she could hear the anguish and the pain and the disbelief in it.

And her heart soared, as she heard the words she had spent years yearning after.

“I love you,” she repeated, her voice just as ragged and raw as his. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

His arms clenched around her, his head pressing against her stomach and his body shuddering against her yet again, and it sounded like he was struggling to breathe as he gasped in another deep, shaky breath.

“I…I love you,” he said, again, and his voice was shaky and broken again, like he couldn’t quite believe what she’d said. “And…and I don’t…don’t deserve you, and I…I want…want you to stay. I…I need you to stay.”

Her hands never stopped petting his hair, never stopped stroking and petting him comfortingly, as she heard the desperation and desperation and hope in his voice.

“I’m here,” she said softly, her words gentle and firm at the same time. “And I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here. I promise."

She wasn’t sure how long they sat there, like that, with him on the floor and leaning against her, her hands in his hair and his head against her stomach while his arms held onto her as if he was scared she’d try to leave.

But the sobs had stopped, and the tears had dried on his face, and his breathing had slowed to a much calmer but still ragged and unsteady pace, his body still trembling, but at least not shaking anymore.

He lifted his head from her lap and looked at her with wonder in his gaze. He reached out...hesitantly and she slipped her hand into his. "Marry me," he whispered.

This time it was her breath that hitched, a shuddering, shuddering sound, and her chest felt so tight it was hard to breathe.

It was an instinct to say yes, to respond instantly to his quiet, quiet words. But her mouth wouldn’t move, her brain not working enough to formulate a response.

She wasn’t sure if it was out of disbelief, or shock, or joy, but the words she couldn’t speak were obvious in her eyes as she stared into his.

He was staring at her, his eyes locked on hers, searching her face and her expression intently, as if he was expecting her to say something, or do something, his entire body taut and tense again as he watched her.

She couldn’t speak, and she couldn’t move except for the hand he held, the one that tightened around his, the one that held onto him tightly. As if to keep him there, to keep him from thinking she was going to reject him.

His entire body was trembling again, shaking in anticipation, in hope, in desperation and need, as he searched her.

All she wanted to do was to pull him closer to her, pull him into her.

“Yes,” she said firmly.

There was a strangled noise from him, as his expression broke, his eyes going soft and intense.

“Yes?” he breathed, and her chest ached at how hopeful, desperate, and broken he sounded. “You…you said yes?”

He was staring at her, his eyes wild with disbelief and hope and a desperate need that was almost like a physical ache that she could see.

“I said yes,” she repeated, her words as firm as they’d been the first time. “Yes. I’ll marry you.”

A shudder went through his body at her words, a strangled noise tearing from his throat, and he practically lunged towards her, his arms wrapping around her and hauling her against him.

It was desperate, almost desperate, the way his entire body clenched around hers. It wasn’t a hug, nor was it an embrace…it was a claim.

His arms were like bands of steel around her, holding her tight against him, his body pressing against hers so much she was practically on his lap, while one hand tangled in her hair and the other gripped her waist.

He was holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world, and she felt his breath shudder against her neck, felt the way his entire body trembled as he practically shook around her.

It was as if every part of him was trying to press himself against her; like he couldn’t bear even an inch of space between them.

His hands were clenched in her hair and on her waist, his head pressed against her throat, and she could practically feel his need to get closer, closer than physically possible.

She was practically sitting in his lap, pressed against him so hard that her body ached. The feeling of his body, of his hands on her, was almost overwhelming.

But it felt right, needed, like it was something they’d been missing before; an absence filled.

He hadn’t said a word, but she could practically hear him in her mind, the desperate, shattered words that echoed in her mind in a way it hadn’t done before.

Mine. He hadn’t said it, but it was so obvious in the desperate, possessive way he held her, in the way his hands clenched in her hair and on her body, and the way he’d practically crushed her against him. You’re mine.

“Yours,” she said softly, whispering the words against his skin. “I’m yours, always.”

"You deserved better," he whispered. "I was supposed to find you a ring...and a house."

She could feel the way he was clutching onto her, as if he couldn’t bear to let go, even now that he knew she wasn’t going to reject him.

“I don’t care,” she said firmly, as she clutched his shirt and held his face against her neck. “None of that matters. I just want you. It could have been a paper ring for all I care.”

He choked out a laugh, "You haven't even gotten that," he told her drily.

She smiled at his words, but her expression was still so soft.

“You’re all I’ve ever wanted,” she said simply, as she threaded her fingers through his hair; gently, soothingly, still stroking the dark strands. “Everything else is just…” she shook her head slightly. “Everything else can wait. All I want is you .”

He kissed her.

Her eyes fluttered shut instinctively as his lips found hers, and a shudder went through her at the feeling of his lips against hers.

She pushed her fingers tighter through his hair, the other clenching in his shirt as she kissed him back with a sort of desperation that mirrored his.

His lips moved against hers, the hand burying into her hair holding her in place.

She gasped and that was all the invitation he needed as his tongue slipped into her mouth.

She didn’t…she had no idea what…why…but she couldn’t think anyway. She could just cling to him tighter, heat pooling low in her belly.

She felt like she was losing her mind, the feeling of him in her mouth, his tongue tangling with hers and mapping her mouth, made her feel like her entire world had slowed.

Her body ached against his, her hands clenching in his hair and his shirt. She hadn’t realized she’d been making a noise, a low, breathless sound at his relentless kisses.

He was practically cradling her against him, his arms wrapping around her body in a way that made her feel safe against him. She didn’t feel like she had the control over herself to even move, as if her body was his for the taking.

She’d honestly never felt more safe, more wanted, than she did right then.

His mouth was insistent against hers, insistent and demanding, and the way he was holding her made her feel as if he was trying to consume her. It made it hard to breathe, the way he was kissing her…like it wasn’t a want, but a need, and she was the only thing that could satisfy it.

And then he pulled back, a kiss pressed against her lips once again. "You need a ring," he whispered against her skin.

She was still trembling slightly, her eyes fluttering open and her breath coming out as a shuddering sort of gasp. Her head was still spinning, the after-effects of his kiss still making it hard to breathe.

Her eyes were still hazy, and her mind still struggling to process what he’d said. “…a ring…?” she repeated, and her voice was soft and breathless…and her words sounded almost dreamy.

A Ring, the shadows whispered. After Master already ruined our plans...

She had to bite her lip, a soft laugh bubbling to her mouth at the sound of the shadows’ voices, the sound almost giddy at the prospect of an impending ring.

“You mean...” she said slowly, her voice still slightly breathless and a smile on her face. “You were planning on getting me a ring…?

"And a house. I was supposed to show you that I could provide for you and our future children," Azriel said softly, cupping her cheek. "That's how humans do it, is it not?"

She shook her head, a tender smile on her lips, as she stared up at him. “You don’t need to give me anything, Azriel. I just need you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

#acotar fanfiction #azriel x oc #azriel x reader #azriel fanfiction #azriel fanfic #Azriel x Archeron!Reader #the prophecy #Looked to the sky

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mushroom-through-the-stargate · 2 months ago

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consider that maybe its purposeful. daniel is and always has been messy. messy clothes, messy office, messy hair. for someone as tall and lanky as he is, he always looks like he's wearing his big brother's handmedowns. maybe this belt thing was meant to be in character, because daniel wouldn't use a paperclip or magnet for his belt. it would make sense for it to snag like that.

#good breakdown but i feel like there would be multiple takes of them trying to fix it if it wasnt purposefull

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buddierecs · 6 months ago

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hurt/comfort buddie fics.

all of these are general audience, teen and up or not rated (no smut) make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

a leaf falls on loneliness (highly recommend this fic!!) by: iimpossible_things "buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “i’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. really, he doesn’t. the 118 has too many good, kind people for that. but every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to eddie or bobby or hen or chim, he hears eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.” —you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting— so each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence." word count: 11k important tags: angst, fluff, happy ending, orginal male character blue skies by: spaceprincessem "buck meets another savior baby and everything comes crashing down" word count: 36k important tags: my sisters keeper au, original characters, ptsd, nightmares, emotional whump, evan buckley break down, getting together and i'm not good at winning fights anymore by: spaceprincessem "five times buck needs to feel eddie's heartbeat and the one time eddie needs to feel his" word count: 24k important tags: 5+1 things, whump, protective!eddie diaz, getting together, soft boys in love, ptsd give your heart and soul to charity by: 42hrb "eddie dumps god, gets some more therapy, accepts parts of himself he was taught to hate, loves his best friend, and loves himself" word count: 12k important tags: emotional hurt/comfort, pov eddie diaz, character study, catholic guilt, therapy, pining, getting together i could find you darling, in any life by: justhockey "buck and eddie meet in afghanistan. it changes everything." word count: 27k important tags: diferent first meeting au, army!eddie diaz, navy seal!evan buckley, emotional infidelity, slow burn, hurt/comfort, love confessions catharsis by: rogerzsteven "it only takes one minor inconvenience for buck to have his long overdue breakdown" word count: 5.3k important tags: emotional hurt/comfort, mental/emotional breakdown, bobby nash as evan buckley parent, multiple pov stay by: soft_satan buck’s voice was soft and hesitant, but full of patience when he finally spoke again. “did I do something to upset you, chris? i can leave—” "no!” chris whirled on him, a complete shift from the standoffish vibe he had been giving a second ago. the tears he bravely held back finally broke free from his eyes, sliding down his rosy cheeks from behind his glasses. he shook his head vehemently, the yellow crayon falling to the table. “no, I’m not mad. please…” his words turned to whimpers, his lip trembling. “please don’t leave me too.” word count: 31k important tags: whump, angst, family feels, found family, getting together, team as family

habits by: whileyouresleeping "buck's not sure what's going on when eddie starts kissing him on the head after a rough call, only now it's a thing, and it's a thing buck would very much like to continue if he knew what it meant." word count: 4.9k important tags: tooth-rotting fluff, mild hurt/comfort stick with you by soft_satan "eddie licked his dry lips as he reached for his radio, trying to keep his movements slow and delicate to prevent any more damage to himself or buck. “diaz to captain nash.” “go for nash,” came bobby’s quick reply. “you two okay? where are you?” “we’re in a bit of a sticky situation here…” “we’re a shish kabob, cap!” buck chimed in. eddie rolled his eyes" word count: 5.9k important tags: impalements, whump, getting together, love confessions, hurt!buddie still by: brewsrosemilk "for the first time, buck longs for a bullet wound to treat. dirt to dig at. a door to break through. something. there’s nothing. “your guess was correct, diaz,” the bomb technician tells them, as he gestures to the orange circle. “you’re standing on a large sensor plate, wired to a detonator. It’s incredibly important that you don’t move. don’t shift. when you put your weight down, it was like cocking a gun - you take your weight off, this thing is powerful enough to take the entire house with it." word count: 9.3k important tags: near death experience, love confessions, happy ending, first kiss

be my baby (i'll look after you) by: youdrewstarsaroundmyscars118 "buck finally breaks down after fixing everyone but himself" word count: 1.5k important tags: nightmares, ptsd, panic attacks, pet names, cuddling, pre-relationship, almost love confession i was made for you by: youdrewstarsaroundmyscars118 "buck’s taking care of christopher while eddie is in texas when chris gets sick and has to get surgery." word count: 5.3k important tags: sick!christopher diaz, parent evan buckley, hospitals, bobby nash is evan buckley's parent, getting together, 118 crew as family i know you're hurting (but so am i) by: justhockey "eddie understands better than maybe anyone else ever could, how it feels to have everything unravel in the palm of your hands. he knows frustration - he knows fury. he’s painfully familiar with that burning rage that crackles in the tips of your fingers, that makes your skin hot and chest tight, and makes you want to punch anyone that dares to even look at you. but that doesn’t give chim the right to lay a damn hand on buck" word count: 3.7k important tags: ptsd, feelings realisation, protective!eddie diaz, communication, 5x04 coda of bikes and concussions by: datleggy "buck gets into an accident on his way to work in the morning, and before he can explain why he's late, he gets thoroughly chewed out and the rest of his day goes way downhill from there." word count: 7.6k important tags: injured!evan buckley, misunderstandings, father-son relationship (buck and bobby), team as family it's okay by: itsmylifekay "buck gets hurt on a call and doesn’t tell anyone." word count: 11k important tags: injury, dissociation, buck needs a hug love language by: whileyouresleeping "eddie's love language is acts of service, and buck doesn't totally get it." word count: 6.4k important tags: mild hurt/comfort, pining, fluff, friends to lovers don't go without me by: ingu "there was a snap, and a crack, and buck was suddenly weightless. the car, the tree, eddie, everything was falling. buck was falling. falling." word count: 31k important tags: major character injury, pining, team as family, whump, love confessions, getting together accidental (please check tw!!) by: rosefield "post lawsuit, buck accidentally cuts his arm. he decides that maybe not getting help is best for everyone." word count: 36k important tags: depression, suicide attempt, post-lawsuit, worried!eddie diaz, happy ending

check out the recs for mature rating hurt/comfort fics :) explicit rating hurt/comfort fics

#will definitely be doing a pt2 for this trope #911 fandom #911 show #911 abc #911 fox #buddie smut #buddie fic #evan buckley #book tropes #buck x eddie #buck x eddie fic #eddie diaz #hurt/comfort fics #hurt/comfort #ao3feed #ao3 link #ao3 #evan buck buckley

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jester089 · 1 year ago

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If it’s ok, can you indulge my love for The Amazing Digital Circus?

I was just thinking of the gang with an s/o who’s seen as the rock of the group that is always strong willed, happy go luck, helpful and supportive. But they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode where they’re crying in frustration and punching a wall to calm down before going back to pretending like nothing happened?

I have a thing for strong willed characters hiding their perceived weakness from others.

Be strong for them

Thanks for the request! I feel for this type of character a lot. Now you didn't specify if you wanted the whole crew and you being the s/o of one. Or individual. So I'll do individual so that whoever your fav is their'll be something for them. Except Bubble though cause I just can't come up with stuff for them, sry.

Caine

Despite being an AI who doesn't really understand humans I feel he would notice your inner turmoil. He kind of has too! Cause he has to watch for and know if someone is going to abstract. Moving on he appreciates you being strong willed and a joy to be around seeing as how it makes others stick around longer. You can't have a circus without performers after all. Caine being how he is he would most likely just appear in your room while your having a breakdown multiple times because he wants something from you not even noticing you having trouble mentally. Only time he would really notice is if you were at the apex of that breakdown when he showed up. I can 100% see him just floating a few feet away from you one eyebrow raised for a minute with worried eyes before he asked if you were ok. If you said yes, despite what he think's he'll believe you. First few times. If you say no and seem to be looking for some comfort he'll do his best but he isn't exactly good at that kind of thing. More likely then not he wont really touch you but he'll give some words of encouragement and probably ask if their is anything you want (except a way out of the digital realm.) And whatever you ask for you'll have in an instant. But their is a limit. He can't be spoiling you now. He still needs your input on things and giving gifts wont be special anymore if you get whatever you want whenever you want. And after doing the bare minimum and seeing you bounce back and be how you always are he'll assume that what he did worked perfectly and your fine now. He's a little dense I'll be honest. 2.5/10 comfort

Gangle

Now Gangle isn't exactly good with emotions. She has tons sure. But handling them is another story. But you being there and always seemingly in a good mood nothing really affecting you will help her keep calm. I mean just having an anchor can make stuff you usually can't deal with seem small. (Especially if you stick up to Jax for her. Or better yet get her confident enough to do it herself.) When she walked in on you having a breakdown first thing her mind would go to is that your on the verge abstracting which causes her to panic and make the whole thing worse. She doesn't try to it's just a lot all at once. Especially considering how you don't usually show this kind of stuff. Now once the initial shock has worn off and at least she has calmed down some she'll be pretty good at helping you calm down. I mean she's a cinnamon roll. Even if her ways of comfort don't work well just knowing she's trying will definitely help. Now if you cope with more self destructive ways she'll be more worried but try her best to trust you. Though that doesn't mean she'll just let you punch things, especially things that could hurt you (I've punched a few walls in my time and I can safely say it hurts.) Now when you just snap back to how you usually are nothing expect the red eyes and dried tear streams on your face will cause a whole load of more worry in her. How long has this been going on?! Are you ok?! Can she do anything?! DO YOU STILL LOVE HER!?! If you don't accept her help she'll probably start to spiral and take that as you don't trust her enough or you don't think she can help you. So for her sake, and yours let her help. Cause if you do that'll lead to a whole lot of trust and make a very sturdy base for your relationship. It'll also help her get better with emotions as a whole. She wishes she could do more for you but she can and will do what she can with what she has. 8/10 comfort

Zooble

Oof. This probably isn't going to end well. It's basically like a angsty teen trying to comfort someone they care about. Zooble probably acts like she hates how happy and upbeat you are. But she doesn't. When she's laying in bed not wanting to get up the thought of going on an adventure and watching you be dumb on purpose makes her smile and get up. Sure every day is the same in the circus, but with you there it's a nice version of repetitiveness. Now Zooble has a lot of problems. Everyone in the circus does. But if she walked in on your having a breakdown I feel like she would honestly just turn around and leave. Not because she doesn't care. But because she feels she'll make it worse if she stays. Every 5 minutes or so she'll poke her head back in your room to see how your doing. Probably accompanied with a quiet "You uhhh. You doing ok?" if your still crying. Now if she peaked her head in and you were back to normal she might honestly think she hallucinated you crying like that. But their are some things you can't hide. Like puffy eyes or how your voice is a little wavy from crying. So knowing even less what to do now she'll just join you in your room and sit on your bed hoping that just her being around will be enough. Now if you break down again and start venting about what is worrying you she'll sit there and listen intently. If not she'll think that your still not doing ok but she doesn't really know how to bring that out. Or help with it. Overall her comfort is a little lacking but she's trying her best. 4.5/10 comfort

Kinger

Now I headcannon that Kinger is really, really, REALLY good at comfort. I mean did you see the impenetrable fortresses door, and how it was being held up. I don't think a single person ever who is good at making pillow forts is bad at comfort. I feel like overall he would be pretty indifferent to you being all happy though he would appreciate the supportive vibe you bring. He's crazy, I'll just be honest about that. But he seems to be surprisingly resilient as he never gets worse, or better. He just is. When he walks in on you freaking out he doesn't flinch or is surprised. He's been in the digital circus a long time. And he's lost many. He understands why. So he just calmly walks in gives you a light hug No idea how. He doesn't have arms. and a quick forehead kiss. He sits you two down on the floor and makes a little pillow wall around you two. Then he (in a surprisingly calm voice) asks what's troubling you. Now you don't exactly have a choice of if you do or don't tell him. He's lost to many to just leave you on your own in this. So he'll sit there a hand resting on your knee while you mentally prepare yourself. Out of everyone he's the most likely to genuinely and long term help you calm down. He's seen many things, been through many things. No matter what it is that's worrying you it wont surprise him and he can probably help. 10/10 comfort

Ragatha

Well aren't you two just the perfect duo Ragtha is pretty mentally drained having the always be the one that everyone rely on. She was the only anchor for this place the only one keeping everyone spirits high. Then you showed up and made the work 50/50. That's what initially made you catch her eye. You two have enough infection happiness and good vibes to make just about anyone have a good day. Though their are diminishing returns the digital circus wouldn't be the same without you two. When she walks in on your falling apart she reacts two ways. One she also starts freaking out (Just instinct at this point. I mean you saw her in the pilot, every time Pomni started breaking down she interrupted it.) And two a whole lot of understanding on where your coming from. She sits down with you and lets your get it all out before speaking. She asks if your ok, if she can do anything, and what caused it. Once you explain that it's just all so much. The circus, having to be strong for everyone else. It puts so much pressure on you. On hearing that Ragatha breaks into tears flipping the comfort giver and receiver. Once she has gotten most of it out and can make comprehensible sentences again she explains how she's going through the same. On hearing that you feel really bad. You've only been here what a year and your already breaking down over it. But you've always had Ragatha there to lighten the load. But she's been here so much longer doing the exact same but without anyone else to help her. So you make it a kind of personal mission from then on to not make your problems hers and help her out when and wherever you can. -3/10 Comfort. She just had a lot of stuff bottled up and ended up making you worry about even more.

Jax

Jax's first thought would probably be "Oh great, another Ragatha to deal with." But something about you isn't as annoying to him as Ragatha. He actually enjoys and appreciates all that you do for him. And the others too I guess. Now be warned Jax deals with a lot of stuff with humor. And his sense of humor is putting others through anguish mental, emotional, and physical. So when he first finds you crying will most likely make a joke about you being a cry baby or "So you finally broke huh? I always wondered how long it would take" making you feel much worse about it. When if he notices that he'll feel bad and stop maybe. He'll more likely then not just exist in your room, leaning against a wall or grabbing random items off of shelves/your desk to fiddle with. Now when you snap back to how you usually are I really feel like he'll just be like "Oh cool. You fine. Well I'm gonna go get some food." then leave you alone with your thoughts. (I'm sorry to all you Jax fans it's just I don't go for looks like most do. I'm entirely attracted to personality. And Jax's isn't great. I mean Gooseworx confirmed that he isn't like nice deep down. He's just an a$&hole. So if Jax is your fav my Tumblr ain't for you.) 0/10

Pomni

You and Ragatha keep Pomni in one piece. (I mean if Ragatha wasn't in the pilot I feel like Pomni would already be abstracted.) So she kind of clings to you. Not physically but she would fall apart pretty quickly without you there. So when you asked her to grab something for you she did without a second thought. But she wasn't expecting to come back to hearing crying followed by a loud thump in your room. She sprints over and throws the door open only for you to be completely ok and sitting at your desk. You thank her for grabbing it for you then go back to what you were doing making her think she's gone of the deep end and is hearing things. But then it happens again, and again. Leading her to believe your just hiding something from her. So next time it happens she sneaks up to your door and carefully peaks inside only to see your tugging at your hair tears streaming down your face. You punch the wall making her jump and make some noise. Your eyes lock onto the small crack in between the door and the frame you two locking eyes. She blushes heavily then slowly opens the door basically admitting to eavesdropping. She was just worried is all. You quickly clean yourself up and apologize for having her see you like that only causing her to worry more. She doesn't push it knowing from experience how that feels but from that day on she tries to not put as much pressure on you. And makes an effort to return the favor when she can. 4.5/10 comfort (I sincerely enjoyed writing this. Cause I am also a sucker for that kind of character. Hope you enjoyed it!)

xoxo, Jester

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #caine x reader #gangle x reader #zooble x reader #kinger x reader #ragatha x reader #jax x reader #pomni x reader #not beta'd #noob author

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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 4 months ago

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(i kept forgetting to make this post for a while and only remembered when i was reading @antispopausandstuff 's recent post; sorry for the tag!)

i have to say this: catra having a mental breakdown basically every single season was pathetic.

usually villains have a third-act breakdown where they realize that they're losing to the heroes or they're losing control over their own allies, and they spiral into anger and desperation.

azula's spiralling in s3 of atla is a clear example of this, as she goes from the level-headed, cunning prodigy to a child who has lost everyone in her life and is desperately trying to use fear to keep people around. it's tragic because yes, she's a horrible person who enjoys torturing people and seeing them in pain, but she's also a 13 year old who was groomed into the perfect soldier by her father.

not all third-act breakdowns are like this though. sometimes instead of feeling bad for the villain, we feel satisfied seeing their downfall, because they weren't a sympathetic character in the slightest and they deserved to have that realization right before getting their ass whooped.

with catra, i get neither of these. i guess i felt a little bad for her the first time and i felt satisfied the second time, but then it just got boring.

there was no need for her to have a meltdown in every single season, only for the writers to use it as an excuse to make catra do even worse shit and hurt more people.

not to mention, her mental state wasn't consistent enough during these breakdowns. let me explain. let's take the s3 one, for instance.

catra is clearly rattled by the knowledge that shadow weaver picked adora over her (which.. wow who would have thought. but whatever). she is dissociating as she walks back to scorpia, there are tears in her eyes, she's devastated.

but then, as soon as catra reaches the horde with adora as her prisoner, she seems perfectly fine. she's calm and smirking proudly as she throws a bound adora to the floor.

and then when entrapta tries to oppose catra's attempts at opening the portal, oh no! catra is not mentally well again and she electrocutes entrapta. and she threatens to do the same to scorpia.

and then she goes right back to being calm and tells hordak that entrapta betrayed him (i'm sorry i don't care how good at lying someone is, i doubt they can deliver such a convincing lie when they are in a poor mental state) and mocks him for trusting entrapta.

and then throughout the portal sequence, catra is oddly calm. not just during the false reality, when she was pretending that everything was normal, but even after that when she starts sadistically torturing adora.

this doesn't seem like a character who finally snapped and is doing horrible things in a desperate attempt to regain control. it reads as a character who always wanted to do horrible things and finally got the chance to do it.

i can't view catra's breakdown in s3 as sympathetic because her actions seemed so intentional. the writers didn't even try to make it look like catra was going through some serious mental health issues and was only making such a dangerous choice because of that.

coming back to my original point, repeating a trope (especially a one-time trope like this) quickly gets stale. and it's even funnier when you think about the fact that catra basically had a dedicated mental breakdown every season and still didn't learn her lesson.

you stop feeling sorry for her and start rolling your eyes, wondering what atrocities she's going to commit this time. it's just the same thing over and over again, and it's funny that the writers used this as a way to keep reminding viewers that catra is a poor traumatized baby who definitely didn't make the choices that led to all this.

it's just bad writing. sure, in real life, people may have multiple breakdowns if they going through some shit. i can certainly attest. but it just doesn't work from a story point of view, especially when the writers refuse to hold catra accountable for your actions. mental health issues or not, you are responsible for your actions and you should work on changing your unhealthy coping mechanisms.

#and after all these mental breakdowns catra doesn't get to go to therapy #she is instead saved by the power of love #wow so progressive #spop critical #spop salt #spop #spop discourse #spop criticism #she ra #anti spop #anti catradora #anti c//a #anti catra #long post

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e-m-ma-lmfao · 10 months ago

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Can i ask for some headcanons about Zack from final fantasy kissing the face of a s/o who is crying and comforting them? I hope it doesn't seem weird, I just thought it would be cute ♡ thank you for reading and I love sm your hcs its perfect!

Zack Fair with Crying S/O

pairing : zack fair x gn!reader

cw: none! zack is a cutie patootie and he deserves pure fluff.

it genuinely would probably take zack a hot moment to notice your crying at all.

i mean he comes home, all sweaty after a gruesome training session, muttering a soft, “hey baby,” and placing the gentlest kiss on the top of your hair, hand resting on the back of your head.

but he’s focused on hitting the shower.

so focused that when you try and wrap your arms around him for comfort, he’s pushing you away from him, “ah, baby y’don’t wanna touch me right now. i’m all sweaty and gross.”

he thinks nothing of it, it's not the first time he's rejected your touch to prevent you from smelling him after training. he's saving you from it, he thinks.

so he continues on to the bathroom, bag of equipment thrown loosely on his shoulder.

that is, until, he hears soft sniffles coming from behind him, making his shoulders droop.

zack has tuned himself to understand your emotions. a simple sniff could mean you were getting sick, or that it was simply dusty in the house and he would need to clean soon.

but multiple, in a row, followed by hiccuped breaths. not good.

suddenly he's regretting not accepting you hug.

he turns in an instant, dropping anything he holds to rush over to your side, sitting the two of you down on the couch, face to face.

“what happened baby?” “hey, hey, look at me, my love.” and while he means to comfort you, his words have your cracking and you breakdown in front of.

zack would take your cheeks into his hands, making you face him. his brows furrow when he sees the tears slipping from your beautiful eyes, running down past your lips.

though at first you refuse to speak, his thumb’s gentle caress of your cheekbone coaxes the reasoning out of you.

even while tired after a long day, he listens to what you say, following every word. gaze never faltering, hands on your face never dropping.

“awh, my baby doesn’t deserve that..”

“poor baby.” his thumb wipes a tear that falls from your lashline line.

he places the softest kiss to your cheek, then another in the same spot.

he notices an instant change, it seems to soften your breathing. and your sniffling subsides. you’ve calmed.

“that helping, love?” yeah it is. he knows.

so he places another. and another. and one more.

his lips covered the stray tears on your cheeks, kissing them away.

zack moves your face, giving him the perfect angle to any spot he wishes to kiss.

he covers your jaw, cheeks, forehead, in soft kisses.

at first it feels sporadic, like he’s calculating where his lips will land.

but in an instant he find a steady rhythm, planting kisses wherever his lips land on your face rather then picking a specific spot.

it has your face heating up, and your heartbeat leveling to a steady beat.

you push him away, with gentle hands, almost whining between giggles, “zackk stoppp.”

but he knows that really means, ‘keep kissing me please.’

when he notices a smile on your face, placing another kiss on your nose, he feels that his methods have worked.

“feeling better? yeah?”

zack looks at you with tired eyes, always on you, always giving his full attention. he would never dare to leave you feeling worse than before.

he places a final kiss on your lips, lingering, purely a selfish act now that he sees you have calmed down.

“come shower with me baby, that always helps me calm down.” and he grabs your hand, pulling you slowly from the couch.

#x reader #headcanon #zack fair #zack fair x reader #zack ffvii #ff7 #ffvii #ffvii crisis core

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h-worksrambles · 3 months ago

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Ok, so Episode Aigis dropped, they changed some dialogue and now people are pissed and saying P3 Reload ruined The Answer.

If you want my TLDR, Atlus’ changes (both writing and mechanical) for the DLC are overall small, some good some bad, but they’re ultimately band aids that fail to address the much wider flaws of The Answer as a story.

I think there’s a genuine intent to try and better get across the character’s motivations. And for some characters it works well. I think the new dialogue for Mitsuru is a genuine improvement. I’ve seen some criticise it for focusing more on Mituru’s thoughts towards the protagonist then her (rather queer coded) loyalty to Yukari. But as much as I love my SEES lesbians, I genuinely think giving Mitsuru multiple reasons to side with Yukari rather than just blind loyalty, is much more in character for her than FES’ approach (where she comes across uncharacteristically stupid). But I think by only changing minutia like this it just ends up highlighting the bigger problem.

A lot of people hyper focus on Yukari’s role and talk about how irrational she is here. And now you’ve got people complaining that Reload softens and sanitises her character and makes her storyline weaker. But I feel it’s a case of identifying something doesn’t work but being incorrect as to why.

The thing about the SEES group fight is that it’s fundamentally a really poorly done conflict. It sucked in FES and it sucks here too. There’s not enough meaningful disagreement between the group to make it feel earned. The only one acting out and taking the MC’s death badly, is Yukari. When really if this is the climax they wanted to build to, everyone should have been grieving badly and constantly at each other’s throats. It could have been this building frustration and animosity, until they’re all at odds over what to do with the key and a fight breaks out.

What we get is everyone…mostly being pretty chill, aside from Yukari being kind of petty and jealous at Aigis. And I think the reason people react badly to her (misogyny notwithstanding) is that it’s really weird when she’s the only one having this extreme reaction. Instead of everyone dealing with the MCs death in their own distinct way, it’s only explored with Aigis and Yukari and only somewhat. Hell if you didn’t have such a jarring disconnect, and there was a better variety of reactions and thoughts from across the cast, I think more people would praise Yukari’s writing here. As it stands, when everyone else is almost ridiculously reasonable, it looks very jarring.

And then when the group do fight it feels completely out of nowhere precisely because of how agreeable everyone’s been. Everyone willingly jumps into a pointless fight that could get them all killed, one that only one member of the group even wants. All for a very contrived plot point that was set up five minutes ago. It’s executed in such a sloppy way that it makes the genuinely good scene of Yukari’s breakdown ring hollow. You get the sense that the writers weren’t really interested in exploring Yukari’s grief beyond using it as a plot device to make a dumb, unnecessary punch up scene happen.

I can see what they’re trying to do in Reload. They wanted to make Yukari stick out like less of a sore thumb compared to the rest of the group. But if they were gonna do that, they kinda needed to dial everyone else up, not dial her down. Build the tension between the party further rather than decrease it. Because now, if Yukari, and by extension the rest of the party are way more reasonable, it just begs the question even more of ‘they why are you fighting in the first place?’ It’s slapping on a band aid in a way that just exposes the whole scenario’s weaknesses

I genuinely think Episode Aigis needed to either keep the Answer entirely as is, or overhaul it completely. Making little changes like this won’t win over people who hated The Answer the first time, and will just annoy people who liked it as is. As it stands, The Answer is still a mess of good ideas mired by poor execution and Reload’s take only makes a handful of small changes that are ultimately different, not better.

#yukari takeba #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #episode aigis #p3 the answer #persona

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mamirhodessxox · 8 months ago

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I Hate You More (Part 4)

Mafia!Cody Rhodes x Fem OC!Mafia Reader

(Sasha Francesca Ricci)

Enemies to lovers trope

Credits to @alyyaanna for helping me come up w the storyline because I had like 3 different mental breakdowns trying to figure out what to do

Storyline: Sasha was born into a world of darkness and fear, Despite the harsh circumstances she was out in she managed to drag herself into finding love at a young age especially when she least expected it but unfortunately not all love stories are fairytales, Sasha resented the man who once brought her love in her life just to leave and break her heart while having the audacity to invade her life many years once again and give her conflict of love and war on how she was to overcome the feelings she feared while trying to focus on her job with him being so close and invasive to her.

Contents: Smut in future chapters, Knife Play, Choking kink, Degradation kink, Praising Kink, Alcohol, Smoking, Violence, Mentions of m1rder, drug dealing, Fluff, Angst.

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Sasha & Cody had a good think running for a little bit. There was still the slight bickering & Sasha becoming annoyed with Cody but believe it or not when they would work together they got work done.

They did fucking amazing on drug deals & made massive amounts of money, Miami was a messy city & the drug business sunk their fucking teeth into the City’s bad habits which were Partying & getting as high as possible.

Sasha would make the sales while Cody would keep track of whatever they were selling & how much money they were making but Barbra was still quite unhappy with Cody after seeing his Initials “C.R” Into her thigh, She was not pleased with Cody at all after that but once again, Business is Business. Sasha & Cody never established what was between them after that and they honestly preferred to keep it that way but Sasha had made it abundantly clear to Athena multiple times he was off the roster to screw but she just won’t take the hint.

Marianna sat in the kitchen watching Athena follow around Cody like a lost dog within the streets & noticed she laughed way to hard at one of his jokes he would make with Randy & Sasha knew Cody wasn’t THAT funny. She turned to Marianna & put on an annoying high pitched voice mocking the girl that was once her friend “Ohh my gosh! Of course I’ll screw you when your feeling bored and lonely Cody! Even though I fucked half of the house and probably the entire city of Miami because that’s the slut I am!! I’ll even act like your best friend & cheer you on to get someone you miss so bad and go behind your back to fuck that same person!” Marianna laughed in amusement while everyone’s attention turned to Sasha.

Athena scoffed crossing her arms “Is there a problem Sasha?” Cody raised a brow as he watched the two “I’m sorry did you not like my joke? Maybe it was a little bit too real for you huh?” Sasha faked pity & frowned poking her bottom lip out before Athena rolled her eyes “Your just mad because Cody fucked me more because he wanted to touch me instead of someone as repulsing as you.” Sasha widened her eyes & laughed “You wanna talk about repulsing but you fuck half of the state of Florida? Okay Athena. Okay. Maybe I should probably give you a very in depth reminder on what he’s done with me rather than you because I actually have meaning to him.” Sasha pushed Marianna out of her way gently while strutting over to Cody & Athena “Pull your shirt up.” Cody furrowed his brows “Sash-“ “Pull. Your fucking. Shirt up.” Cody glared and tugged his shirt up revealing his chest as Sasha placed her nail right next to her name that was cut into his skin “Bet he didn’t let you do that to him did he? Let you claim him as yours?”

“Hell did he even cut his initials on you in 3 different places?” She tilted her head with a confused look on her face while Athena was starting to show off her anger & envy as Sasha got in her face “You also have a lot of fucking nerve on you to come into MY mothers house, act like your big tough shit to her daughter who has more control over you than your own fucking parents combined & act like your gonna do something whenever I offend you. Let me make it abundantly clear for you Thena. You’re a passed around play thing that’s only a good fuck when someone’s frustrated or just in general horny. The only reason why you’re here right now is because we have pity for you. But keep in mind that you will never be me, you will never have Cody & own him the way I do & you are not a goddamn Ricci because if you were, You’d bring some shame to this goddamn family & business.” Cody grabbed Sasha’s shoulder pulling her away “That’s enou-“ she looked at him and snickered looking at him up and down before turning her attention back to Athena “Get out of my face Athena.”

She huffed and puffed looking around for defense but everyone sat silent besides Marianna. She was smirking sitting on the table dangling her fingers at her and blowing her a kiss mouthing the words ‘Bye Bye’ before Randy gave her a look and a light pat on the thigh as a warning to stay out of this. Cody glared over at Sasha “What the fuck was that?” She raised a brow “I was putting her in her place what do you mean ‘What the fuck was that’ Cody?” He scoffed shaking his head “Seriously? Telling her that she’s all good for sex & how she will never mean anything to me?” Sasha glared and crossed her arms before rolling her neck side to side while letting out a breathy laugh “Of course you’d be the type to carve your fucking name on my body & have me do the same to yours and proceed to tell me I own you as much as you own me just for you to defend Athena & stick your dick back down her throat.” She spat her harsh words at him while Marianna furrowed her brows and almost spoke up against Cody to defend her bestfriend but Randy gave her another look before Sasha scoffed “Fuck you Cody. You’re just as much of a whore as she is.” Seth watched his sister storm off while Cody turned to him for defense but he shook his head “You can’t just cut your name into my sisters skin & expect her to not have a little bit of possessiveness over you towards someone who’s been a problem like this for over 4 years.”

Cody furrowed his brows before walking off towards Athenas room to formally & privately apologize on Sasha’s behalf but realized Sasha saw as she was walking towards the front door & stared directly at him before picking up a pair of keys from the bowl that laid next to the door where people often put their wallet, Keys or even other things before entering the house completely Cody’s face dropped & soon sprinted down the stairs but she was out of the house. Already in the drive way with a key & walking towards the car Cody had owned which meant it was luxurious “Don’t you do it Goddamnit!” He shouted as everyone followed behind him but Sasha also noticed a bat that laid next to a bush & immediately went off to go grab it “Sasha knock it off!” Barbra shouted pushing past Cody & Seth & went to stop her daughter but she was faster & immediately smashed the bat into gis windshield and pointed it in his direction “I’m sick of your fucking games Cody! I’m sick of you acting like I mean something to you but then when I hurt your little fuck toys feelings by calling her out on what she is I’m such a fucking problem!” She shouted while Cody rushed towards her & tried grabbing out for her wrist but she immediately slammed the bat into the hood of his car

“Sasha knock it off & talk to me about this like a grown fucking woman!” “FUCK YOU! I showed you my vulnerability I let you CARVE your name into my skin & you just continue to fuck me over!” She screamed at him & eventually Randy leaned into Mari’s ear as the two shouted at each other “Do what you need to do.” She nodded at him and walked towards Sasha pushing Cody away “You need to leave her alone & just stop fucking talking. You’ve done enough.” She warned him while turning to Sasha & looking at her with a soft expression and taking the bat & keys away from her as gently as possible “c’mere..” Sasha then finally let her walls down for her best friend and cried on her shoulder while Cody stood in guilt before she saw Athena walk out which brought back all of that rage & make Sasha shove past Mari & get in Athena’s smug face “What kind of fucking friend are you!? This isn’t even about Cody this was about You & Me and our friendship and how you fucked that up & if you didn’t wanna be friends the. FINE because I don’t wanna fucking be your friend.” Marianna frowned & held Sasha’s shoulder before making her walk past everyone & go back inside. The two sat down on the staircase & Mari just held Sasha who was crying with frustration & confusion “I’m s-so sick of it! He puts me through hell & now she’s fucking him!? W-What the fuck Mari! When is it gonna end!” She sniffled while the brunette frowned running her hands down Sasha’s back.

Barbra breathed heavily & diverted her stare onto Athena “Was this your doing? Did you cause this damn fight!?” Athena stood there in shock & held her mouth agape while Barbra slammed her hands against her chest pushing her down onto the ground “You have a lot of nerve to come into this business, this family & make MY daughters life hell when she came to you with welcoming arms.” She scolded while Athena stayed speechless. Randy gently held Barbs arm “Don’t. It’s not worth yelling for.” She looked over at him & nodded while looking back over at the man who caused her daughter heartbreak “Your a pathetic excuse for a man.” She spat harsh words at him before turning & kicking Athena out of her way before walking inside to comfort her child.

Weeks after that Cody suffered in silent treatment from not only his bestfriend Seth but also Sasha. She wouldn’t even argue with him & annoy him like she usually does, it was as if she pretended he wasn’t there. One night she sat on the porch after dinner & drank out of her single wine bottle.

6 years ago…

Sasha & Cody sat together on the pier of Miami beach enjoying each others embrace while she swirled the promise ring he gave her many months ago around her finger she just pushed 19 & him 20, for the last 3 years they had been dating after meeting each other in high-school. They were so well connected to each other & related on many a things throughout their relationship. Their families were both within a fucked up mafia like business. When both of them couldn’t handle the way their lifestyles worked some days they were the only people that could comfort one another.

She leaned her head against his shoulder tracing shoulders against his back while he held her close just as the sun was setting & reflecting off of the ocean “One day I’m gonna get us out of here Sash’ I’m gonna get us out of here, start a new life somewhere quiet & calm and put a permanent ring on that finger.” She smiled looking up at him & interlocked her hand with his “You think we’ll love each other like this forever Codes?” She was such a sweet girl, her voice soft & relaxed, “I know we will sweet girl, for as long as we both live.”

If only it were true, after the sun officially set he took her home 2 hours after her curfew & she laughed as he tried climbing through her window as easy as she did “Cody we could’ve gone through the door.” He shook his head chuckling as he finally made it through her window before holding her waist “Your mom would’ve killed me if she saw me walk through that door especially when we’re getting here fashionably late for your curfew baby y’know this.” She smiled shrugged and pressing her gentle kiss against his lips “I love you Cody.” “I love you more angel, forever and always.”

She was so love sick for him that a month after that night where he broke up with her she changed forever, she was never able to love anyone the way she loved her Cody. She felt broken & lost without him and slowly began to resent & hate him for the way he left this affect on her

Present Day..

She felt Cody’s presence behind her & turned around a bit before looking away while he sighed sitting down next to her “What happened to us Sash?” He asked softly and looked at her while she avoided the eye contact “It wasn’t supposed to be like this sweetheart, WE weren’t supposed to be like this.” Sasha looked over at him & put her hair up while he kept talking “It was a stupid mistake the way we ended things sash’ we had a good thing going on & I just fucked it all up instead of fighting harder” Sasha shook her head “Maybe we just weren’t meant to be together Cody. We would’ve ended up in this current situation together or not.” He frowned shaking his head “Baby don’t say that..” Sasha scowled at the pet name “Don’t call me that.” She warned, Cody sighed and tried grabbing ahold of her hand but she got up & started walking back inside the house & hid herself away into her bedroom while her phone was ringing. Roman.

She picked up the call & swiftly shut her door locking it behind her “Have you thought over my offer yet Doll?” She hummed, A few nights ago Roman had gotten in touch offering her a place within his own gig within the drug business & utter control over anything she wanted unlike what she had in her family’s business. She wouldn’t have to face Cody everyday, she wouldn’t have to put up with Athena’s bullshit, it was like starting a clean slate. “I have. I would like to take up your offer.” She heard his devious chuckle before he told her she was to be expected at his manor by the morning & hung up.

She made her way downstairs into her mother & Randy’s office & gave them an update on Roman calling her as they had already knew about his offer, “If you feel comfortable enough going through with the plan then I’ll allow you to make your way over there tomorrow & do what you need to do..” Randy spoke as he leaned his entire body weight on his desk. Randy & Barbra had been told about this stunt Roman was pulling on Sasha and they had decided to make a plan by having her “go through with the offer” & turning on him just to get the information the Ricci’s needed on Roman.

Cody leaned against the wall near the office listening in & once Sasha finished her discussion with Randy & her mother and she walked out Cody grabbed her arm and walked off while she smacked his hand “What the fuck?! Cody let me go! I don’t have time for any of your games damnit!” He wouldn’t budge & dragged her outside into the backyard “What the fuck was that about Sasha?” She glared in confusion “Oh your fucking eavesdropping now?” He nodded putting his hands in his hips hooking his fingers against the belt wrapped around his pants “Yes, Yes I fucking am because I heard a very familiar name & I’m pretty sure it was Romans, Sasha for the love of fucking god don’t go through with this dumb shit it’s going to end horribly.” She crossed her arms as she grimaced at him “I’m getting really sick of you trying to control my own decisions Cody, Seriously, it’s fucking annoying.” Cody smacked his hands against his legs and paced in a circle for a quick minute trying to speak but she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt “Shut your mouth for 1 damn minute & save me the goddamn scolding of a life time okay? I’m going through with the plan and your not stopping me.” She shoved him out of her way and made her way back inside

Sasha spent the next day going over some things with Roman & getting used to the new atmosphere. Her gut tried telling her this was a horrible idea but she refused to listen. Roman sat her down in an office and cleared his throat. “We know you killed one of my men Doll. And usually I don’t appreciate that disrespect but I noticed that you are damn good at your job. I want you to be one of my hitmen, interrogators & top sellers. How does that sound?” She tilted her head “What’s in it for me?” He hummed digging through his desks drawers & then slammed a stack of cash on the table in her face “10,000 dollars each kill, sound good enough for you?” She picked up and flicked her thumb against the cash & jotted her head in his direction “20,000” “Deal.” She smiled & stood up & Shook his hand “A deals a deal.” Roman grinned before running his hand down her cheek “Your going to be the greatest addition to this business. You will not be taken for granted Sasha. Let’s put the past behind us starting today yeah?”

Randy was blowing up her phone for an update but she didn’t pick up. In fact this is where they started to not hear from her for 3 whole weeks. Everyone tried contacting Sasha but it was radio silence on her part so..Seth ended up calling roman to make a fair deal over some drug sale & had set a meeting place in a parking garage but she knew it was their way of trying to get her back as the realization hit for them that Sasha was actually going through with the offer Roman gave her.

Roman & Sasha waited in the parking garage for this “drug deal” but just as one of their cars began pulling in she grabbed Romans shoulder softly as she slowly realized it was only one of them attending this deal & that gave her the confirmation she needed that they were indeed trying to get her back. “You go home. I know their tricks & pawns. Let me deal with this alright?” Roman huffed thinking about it before giving in & following her directions stepping into his car & driving off. Just as the black Porsche pulled into a stop & parked in between the two white lines Cody got out of the car while Sasha stood her ground, hands in the pockets of her leather jacket while he sighed “Really Sasha? Turning on us now? Is that what Ricci’s do?” She shrugged “I don’t know. But since you like to act like your a Ricci when you’re not how by the way, about you tell me that yourself Cody, do we do that?” He winced at her words & dramatically put a hand over his chest “Your words truly hurt me sweetheart.” He spoke in a sarcastic tone.

“Why are you doing this Sasha, seriously, why? Your smarter than this yet your acting like a fucking dumbass turning your back on us for someone who’s going to turn his back on you. She clenched her jaw as she observed his body language & every detail of his face “He has more to offer to me than any of you, I mean seriously Cody, do you understand how fucked it is for your mother to know how badly her daughters first love broke her but yet still recruits him? That’s pretty fucked if I do say so myself but you wouldn’t understand because your ego’s as high as the clouds and your head is busy shoved up your own ass you don’t even realize how much your presence itself affects me.” Cody frowned before looking down and running his fingers against his jaw. He nodded looking up trying to reach his hand out to her but immediately she acted fast

Just as he stepped a few inches closer Sasha pulled a pistol out of her coat & pressed it against his head with a plain face “Not another step.” She said slowly as he chuckled with an amused smile on his head “That’s a new move. Go on Sasha. Since you apparently have the balls to pull a gun on me now do it. Shoot me.” Sasha froze at his words but eventually noticed he was being dead serious. “You have the guts to pull a gun on me then you must have the guts to shoot me right? Go on sweetheart, pull the trigger, right here, right now.”

She glared as he placed his hand over hers & scooted her finger towards the trigger “Do. It.” Fuck.

xtripleiiix’s Masterlist

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bengiyo · 4 months ago

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Century of Love Ep 3 Stray Thoughts

Last week, the traitor nephew showed up to give San a bunch of highly-questionable information about Vee, who also looked into San. Vee hurt San's feelings by saying that he should have moved on from Vad, but the attraction between them is plain. We also got to see San turn into a kid as part of his regeneration process and interact with Vee as Vee was fighting people he may have robbed. Another faction knows about the magic stone, and sent goons to retrieve it from the house. They hurt Grandpa and the kid, and San kicked their asses. Vee happened to be passing by at the time and got yelled at by San, and Vee yelled right back.

It's gonna be devastating when Vee's grandmother passes.

Why would they go to the police at all?

Now why did he turn into a child again??

I wanna see the tiny actor fighting so bad.

So glad they're letting Offroad fight in this show, and letting his character be clever. I love the fake sirens.

Are we not gonna question why the kid was in oversized clothes?

Oh, nice! Vee is gonna see San transforming.

A naked pratfall! A double pratfall into the tub!!

The triple sound effect reactions of the family are actually really funny.

I love this shirt with the shoulder buckles on San.

Juu being so bored with San's gender hangups is fun.

Goddamn. This man has been in pain for like 13 hours.

Well, the goddess got what she wanted. Make him suffer enough that homosexuality seems less awful?

Interesting, we just had a similar story about the illegal bank accounts in DFF. Fascinated by Vee shielding his pain with these smiles.

Flashing back to San's own class issues with Vad here is a good choice to help us see him experiencing empathy.

I hope they had to do multiple spit takes. I know Offroad had fun with that.

Giving Vee a beloved sick grandma is also a good choice to help him choose to become a sugar baby.

The costuming, hair, and makeup departments clearly love Daou.

Nephew, you ain't slick.

LOL a bride vs groom joke.

I really like the wedding outfits.

THE GODDESS THREW A FUCKING VEIL ON THAT BOY.

Damn, San has to watch his person get shot again.

At least we get to watch Daou whip ass in every episode. They understand what we want.

How are we just sitting here having this conversation?? Didn't Vee get shot??? He doesn't have fast healing 50.

Interesting. Vee knows about the stone as he's being told to expect to lose his grandmother. This is going to lead to good tension with San.

I'm crying because of the grandmother trying to be funny until the end.

Vee earned this breakdown scene in the stairwell. He's been so smiley about so many bad things.

Excited for Vee to try to get the stone tomorrow!

I'm having so much fun with this show. This team knows exactly what I want out of this experience and delivers it in every scene. I am going to be looking forward to this show every week, and will definitely have to show it to my friend if this keeps up.

#Ben watches #century of love #thai bl #bl series

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kataraslove · 1 year ago

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I was just told a few days ago that they love momtara becauses it tragic that she has to do all the workd for people until of couse Zuko comes along to help out making it less tragic and that logic made zero sense. katara is not cinderella im not sure why her so called fans want her to be cinderella.. or a damsel in distress until zuko comes along its not very pro katara to me it feels the exact opposite.

there’s this really great thread made by my friend @rukihimehive on kataangthinker on twitter debunking momtara with evidence from the series. i highly suggest giving that a read if you’re as tired of the fandom adultifying katara as i am.

I’ve seen momtara enthusiasts say that anyone who is critical of the fandom trope is “taking away her maternal nature, which is associated with her trauma of having lost her mother from a young age.” in other words, “if you don’t support fandom’s insistence that katara is the gaang’s literal mother figure and interpret all her interactions with the gaang as motherly, you’re erasing her trauma.”

which is so ridiculous to me. in the episode the runaway, katara herself dislikes the label of motherly. she takes personal offence over the idea that the gaang would view her as their mother instead of their peer, and demands to know if it’s true that her behaviour comes across as too motherly, especially because “motherly” is associated with negative connotations such as “bossy,” and “overbearing.”

I’ve seen people state that the gaang’s treatment towards katara is unhealthy, that katara is forced to do all the emotional work and emotional labour and none of the gaang ever supports her in anything. which just isn’t even remotely true.

episodes like the desert - in which the gaang are under extenuating circumstances that forces katara to step up and take care of them - are the exception, not the standard. in bitter work, katara explains to toph on how they divide the chores amongst themselves. katara takes personal issue (and for good reason) when toph only wants to do her share.

there’s multiple episodes in which the gaang help pitch the tent and perform campsite duties. there’s a whole episode dedicated to how katara and sokka are both sick, resulting in aang having to run across the world to retrieve them medicine. there’s an entire episode dedicated to how the gaang cannot get anything done without sokka, who usually manages their schedules and itineraries and helps ensure that they’re on track. there’s plenty of moments in which aang and katara are goofing off, and sokka gets mad at them for not sticking to his carefully curated and meticulous schedule and for putting a wedge in their plans to save communities (see: imprisoned and the painted lady). there’s moments when toph assumes responsibility; there’s moments when aang assumes responsibility. and then there’s moments when none of them have any clue on what to do, when they literally act like children navigating a world that’s constantly trying to kill them.

and what about in katara-centric episodes? what about in the episodes dedicated to developing her character? surely the selfish gaang couldn’t possibly support and understand her goals and desires?

1. imprisoned - sokka and aang aide in katara’s plan to immediately get captured and free haru. aang takes her side when katara suggests to free the prisoners. aang and sokka aide katara in freeing the imprisoned earthbenders.

2. the waterbending master - aang rejects learning from a sexist because pakku refuses to teach katara. aang agrees to train katara everything he learns in the middle of the night. aang and sokka cheer katara on as she goes head-to-head with master pakku.

3. the puppetmaster - the gaang allows katara the opportunity to learn waterbending from hama, a southern water tribe bender, until they discover what hama’s been doing all along. sokka and aang rush to confront hama and to protect katara. later, they provide katara comfort after she breakdowns over learning how to bloodbend.

4. the painted lady - aang calls katara a secret hero for helping people in need, even though katara lied to the gaang and pretended that appa was sick. he later helps katara destroy the factory, and then aides in her plan to confront the fire nation soldiers as the painted lady.

sokka defends his sister’s actions:

“Maybe she is a waterbender, but she was just trying to help you. Because of her, that factory won't be polluting your river, and the army is gone. You should be down on your knees thanking her!”

the southern raiders - this episode is so misconstrued by fandom that every reading of it has become so far detached by canon. no, sokka and aang were not demonizing katara for believing that revenge was the suitable option for her (we find out in the episode that it wasn’t). yes, katara wanted far more than just confrontation (she said it herself - maybe revenge was what he deserved). no, aang was not demonizing katara for stating that her words reminded him of jet’s, who had died a noble death and who katara had personally mourned for. no, jet is not a terrorist and/or a psychopath - he was a child indoctrinated by propaganda and motivated by the death of his parents at the hands of the fire nation. aang and sokka do not interfere in katara’s decision to pursue the man who killed her mother, even if they felt that katara might end up killing that man. no, if katara had killed that man, aang and sokka would not shut her out or ignore her or make her feel subhuman. aang himself had several instances in which he would have taken several lives (sandbenders) if katara hadn’t stopped him. that’s why he says, “I’m proud of you,” because katara arrived at that moral decision on her own, without the influence of external sources (reminder that in the desert, katara had to physically stop aang). at the end of the episode, katara discusses with aang that forgiveness was not the approach she would take towards yon rha, but it was the approach that she would take towards zuko, who had earned her forgiveness.

in each of the above katara-centric episodes (with the sole exception of tsr, which I had described in great detail) the gaang understands katara’s goals and desires and helps her accomplish them, and protects and defends her. to me, that does not come across as a dynamic in which katara is overwhelmingly at risk and treated like absolute dirt. it’s actually quite telling on the quality of a fictional ship (or lack thereof) when fans must demonize katara’s friends and family in order to prop up her fanon love interest.

and when her fanon love interest DOES join the group, nothing… really changes in terms of the dynamics. he serves them tea occasionally? he tells sokka to get out of a bison’s mouth? katara still performs the cooking duties. katara still asks if zuko’s okay and makes sure that he’s included in group activities. the gaang turn to zuko because he is sufficient at hunting down aang, but they all formulate a plan for the comet together. one throwaway line informing someone to get out of the bison’s mouth and him being a strict teacher towards aang does not make him a dad. especially when none of the gaang truly see him as a dad and would probably die of laughing before even considering him as such.

that’s not to even mention the point of zuko’s arc when joining the gaang is not for him to assume an authority, paternal role over a group of kids younger than him (but around his age). it’s for him to finally realize that he belongs to a group of children as traumatized as him, to a family for once in his life. so why should fandom enforce him into a pseudo dad role that isn’t even canon nor would his character even want?

going back to katara, at her core katara is a young, fourteen year old child who has been forced to assume a motherly role to compensate for the loss of her mother. episodes like the runaway delve into how this trauma has forced her to grow up and act older than her age, but at the end of the day, she is still a child and does not wants to be viewed by her peers as some form of motherly figure. which is why it’s so important that characters like aang and toph remind her that she still is a kid, like them.

dark-skinned female characters like katara suffer from the phenomenon of adultification and hypersexualization in fandom spaces. their characters are treated as pseudo mother figures, irregardless of what the narrative could or could not outline for the audience. momtara is a problematic trope because it erases the nuanced dynamics in katara’s relationship with her friends and family, assuming that all interactions with the gaang are of her being their mother. and that canonically, that’s all katara can be towards them. especially in the interest of a ship.

#this is my manifesto of why I can’t stand that trope #antizutara

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