#gonna try and relax its just a moodswing it hurts so much though

[computercitizens]

i'm so overwhelmed I went through so much hell just to make a cup of coffee. I had trouble grinding the coffee and I couldn't get the right grind size and I've had to throw out so much coffee just because I couldn't get the fucking right grind for it. I think I need to get a better grinder but it's so expensive. I wish hobbies weren't so expensive and I'm just so upset and I feel like the coffee I made as a final result didn't even taste that good. I've gone through three batches just to I had to pour out two of them because I did it wrong. I did it too fine and then I did a two course and I just don't know what to do and I'm so sad. I'm so sad. I think it's a mood swing and I just I'm just so overwhelmed and I feel like I did all that for nothing and I don't know what to do. I need someone else to make me. I just want to cry but im so empty on the inside

I remember I was really manic yesterday for about a week. I had a very intense manic episode and I thought I started out the new year very good and I had a good sleep schedule and I got plenty of rest and I went to bed at night, but this but today just felt different today. Felt like I wasn't as inspired or motivated. I still made art and I still did the things I usually do, but I generally felt nothing. I didn't get anything from them in like a couple days ago, where I had a manic episode and I was made I was pumping out videos on my YouTube channel. It's like crazy and now I just I'm just so overstimulated and I don't know what to do.

it doesn't help that my neck is killing me and I'm in pain. I felt pain in my arm today for no reason and my neck hurts really bad. I know I'm spiraling, but I don't know what else to do everything. Everything is attacking me and it just hurts it's painful.