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jq37 · 4 years

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The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 5 Lapin’s Big Day

Aftermath

Right before the stream for this episode started, I saw the title and I thought, “Lapin’s Big Day? After last episode, how could it get any bigger?”

…

So, anyway, as you remember, while Lapin was mic dropping over at the jail, with Theo and Cruller, the rest of the candy crew were en route to their quarters and everyone is feeling the gravity of the situation. Jet is trying to stand in the prime position to protect anyone who might need protection. Ruby (who has given one of the watersteel daggers she took--and which were apparently never confiscated from her--to Jet) is vigilantly looking for escape routes as they walk and she’s so anxious that Yak flies up and starts helping her scout.

As Jet talks about the changes she wants to make once she’s “king” (including considering installing Ruby as queen--platonically--which Ruby feels sends too Lannister a message) the more magically inclined members of the party (Ruby and Liam) feel a swell of magic. Liam feels like the earth around them is speaking and Ruby feels a welling up of Candian magic. Not only that, she sees a ghostly glimpse of both Lazuli and Rococco (who is smiling at Jet), but she thinks she might be seeing things and doesn’t tell Jet.

Liam asks Amethar if he’s in trouble and wonders again if he should just take off. Amethar says that they’ll protect him and, if he has to run, they’ll find him.

When they reach their quarters, they’re met by Amethar’s cheese friends who are clearly upset by the assassination attempt and offer their protection. Amethar says they can handle themselves and they should worry about Primsy. Once inside the room, the kids start full Home Alone-ing it full of booby traps and Amethar sends for Cruller, Lapin, and Theo.

And, speaking of, they, along with Grissini and a garrison of imperial soldiers are on their way to arrest Alfredi. Grissini is clearly nervous and asks Lapin to tag-team the arrest with him so it will have the weight of the church. Cruller thinks it will look bad if there are too many Candians involved in this arrest so, when the Tartguard shows up looking for them, he decides to leave Alfredi to them. Before he goes, Lapin suggests he look into boats for a possible speedy exit in the near future. Lucky for them (presumably, though I guess we’ll see) the people most likely to have spare boats are their friends, the Dairy Islanders.

Everybody else enters the Great Food Pyramid where Alfredi is talking to Senator Ciabatta in the presence of a bunch of Ceresian military (the actual Ceresian military, not Imperials like Grissini). Grissini goes into business mode and starts the formal arrest and Alfredi isn’t pressed about it until Lapin jumps in and asserts his authority as Primogen at which point she is suddenly outraged. Lapin publicly asserts that she made the daggers (gasps from the crowd) which she denies. Ciabatta for his part steps aside and lets the arrest happen. Alfredi tries to run but Grissini’s men tackle her and perp walk her out.

Ciabatta is being awfully chill about this whole thing and he kinda seems like he’s waiting for everyone to leave so he can talk to Lapin. Theo goes to make sure Alfredi gets properly jailed. Once they’re gone, Ciabatta says that Lapin was very bold to come in and arrest Alfredi basically on her home turf, a compliment Lapin demurs. Ciabatta suggests taking a walk and Lapin agrees. Before they leave, Ciabatta looks at some of the other senators who were also with them but on a Nat 1, gleans no info. Ciabatta says that it’s a little odd that with all the might of Ceresia, no one thinks they’re a big enough target to take down with back to back assassination attempts. He does not seem to have a high opinion of Alfredi and offers Lapin a chance to come with him on a sneak mission (along with anyone Lapin wants to bring) to figure out what’s what on Alfredi. Lapin agrees and gives him a card with Illusory Script so that whatever messenger he sends will hand it back to him as a calling card and he can verify it’s legit.

He tries to get a read on Ciabatta to see what this guy is about and on a 19 Insight and a 24 History, he knows that he clawed his way from the bottom of the social pecking order to become a senator 4 years ago. He’s a great fighter, a war hero, and he “rules”.

At the jail, Theo makes sure Alfredi is secured (she’s gagged in addition to being bound so she can’t cast spells) and then heads back to the Candian quarters.

Rewards and Recon

Once everyone is back together, Amethar sends Lady Donetta to entertain the Swirlies so he only has the people he truly trusts in the room. They lock the door, Ruby magics up some music to mask their conversation, and then Amethar declares that, as of now, secretly but officially, they are at war with whoever is trying to kill him. The kids all offer themselves up as spies/protection but Amethar is not about them risking themselves like that.

As they discuss that, a Tartguard shows up and announces that the winners of the unfinished tournament are being honored, meaning Theo (who unhorsed--unmeeped?--Plumbline) and Liam (who was leading the archery competition) have been summoned to the emperor to receive their boons. Liam’s is just a cabinet appointment basically but Theo’s requires thought because he gets to nominate a candidate for emperor. They consider nominating Plumbeline as a good faith gesture but Amethar thinks it will probably be bad for politics to have an unbroken line of succession. Ruby think about Annabelle but they all agree it’s a bad idea (and she’s cool enough as is). Theo suggests Caramelinda but Jet, knowing her mom and her isolationist tendencies, thinks it’s a bad idea. Theo’s name is thrown in but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea and Liam suggests his traitor dad which Cruller full, like, soda out of his nose laughs at. Cruller also suggests nominating Amethar himself as a safe option, even though he’s already a lock, because there are some legal/procedural protections he gets that way.

Lapin tells everyone about the meeting with Ciabatta and Ruby and Jet volunteer to go with him (when Ciabatta sends for him) and Amethar goes with Theo/Liam to the emperor while Cruller holds down the fort. Liam casts Pass Without Trace on everyone for some extra sneaking mojo.

The winners and Amethar make their way to see the emperor and run into Annabelle, the other champion, on the way. Plumbeline is there too and she apologizes to Theo who accepts it gracefully. Liam fully puts his foot in his mouth and asks Annabelle why she didn’t want to marry and she just goes off on him and his lack of tact, finishing with some Charm School 101 and the advice that he should, when he meets someone, give a simple compliment not related to appearance or anything personal and then bail from the conversation. Advice that he immediately uses in the next scene when he meets the emperor and says, “I really like your infrastructure,” and I cannot explain to you how good that setup/payoff was, you just have to watch it.

Annabelle says that there are two things she really wants (one for herself and one for her country) then asks that the emperor request that the Pontifex release Stilton Cordeau (the suspicious little cheese dude Primsy was flirting with) from his Bulbian vows (including celibacy)--he entered the clergy young and then his older brothers died at sea--so he can marry Primsy. The Candians gathered are flipping out internally but can’t really say anything without causing a huge scene and probably an international incident (AGAIN). Theo’s turn is next and he has a lot of angst about who he's gonna nominate to be emp--lol no I’m kidding. Murph pulls out a pre-made scroll irl, unrolls it, and rattles off all of Amethar’s titles, nominating him, obviously.

Official business taken care of, everyone but Amethar and Plumbeline leave. Once outside, Liam expresses surprise to Annabelle that Primsy has a love interest (I half expected Annabelle to accuse him of TMI again) and Annabelle says they’ve kind of been seeing each other since they were young but it was complicated what with her having other official suitors and him being promised to the church. Theo thinks this is a way for the Bulbian church to get into politics more directly by putting one of their guys in power but Annabelle thinks they’re pretty in it already. When asked by Theo, Annabelle says she doesn’t really care about Cordeau but she’s OK with him if he makes Primsy happy. When asked by Theo if she cares about Primsy (Charisma Check, disadvantage--rolls a 2) she gets really upset and basically tells him to F off and leaves.

Back in the room, Uvano tells Amethar point blank, get ready buddy. It’s you. Amethar asks if he can appoint Plumeline to his council and she seems very happy about that. Uvano tells his daughter to get the official papers to declare it but Plumbeline says the Pontifex is holding on to them for some reason. He says to get them, even if she has to disturb her.

Speaking of, Onionpatch (the Primogen from Greenhold) shows up at the Candian Quarters to fetch Lapin on behalf of the Pontifex. That’s basically a summons from God so he has to go, even though he has that meeting with Ciabatta. He trusts Ruby and Jet to go in his stead and leaves with him.

Ruby and Jet have a little chat about how they’re always treated like children (though it’s probably partially their fault) and Cruller is like girls, we let you in on the war council today and you’re going on a spy mission in like ten minutes. We respect you.

A Tartguard shows up with Lapin’s note (Zac, with a successful roll, retcons that he in the moment made it so that his friends could read his secret message/watermark too) now with added info, the symbol of a bakery. They sneak over to the bakery (Ruby the rogue getting a crazy 36) and they spot Ciabatta dressed in peasant clothes (as they also are). They sneak to an abandoned but gated palazzo (big, fancy, Italian-y house) outside the Great Food Pyramid and break in. As they enter, an assassin tries to get the drop on them but Ciabatta ices him immediately and takes the guard as proof that this is Alfredi’s secret house. There’s a lot of Bulbian imagery but Ruby can tell that they’re mismatched and BS, like painting random hieroglyphs on a set piece for flavor.

Ciabatta opens a door at the top of a set of stairs and they find themselves in an alchemical lab that’s just full of interesting stuff:

Ruby finds pure water and Jet finds mold both super deadly weapons. These are like tools for bioterrorism. They talk about how to get rid of it and Ciabatta says they’ll leave an anonymous tip to someone who can safely handle it.

Ciabatta finds eye-droppers and, upon using them, his eyes glow like Alfredi’s do, exposing her as a fraud of a miracle worker (I wonder if she has artificer stats).

Jet finds the schematics for making the water daggers and Ruby can tell that it’s instructions on how to make milk silk in a weird mix of Lacra and Fructerano (both languages she speaks--she must have paid SOME attention in school, or hung out with a bunch of multilingual circus peeps I guess) that would be common in the Yogurt Shoals. The recipe for milk silk is the same as how to make water steel, you just sub some ingredients. Also, Yogurt Shoals is the home of House Bleu! Home of Stilton--the heir--who is now, suddenly, able to marry. Emily feels very vindicated with her pasta/cheese connection from earlier.

Ciabatta finds a bunch of papers and starts burning them or taking them with him. He says that Alfredi was an expert on blackmail collecting (s/t very common in Ceresia) and the room is full of blackmail. He takes the Ceresian blackmail and implies that he’s gonna use it to clean house back home so Cersia can be honest again.

Jet looks for Candian blackmail and finds none, though she finds notes from the Pontifex about the Profidian Heresy and the Ramsian Doctrine--two terms she doesn’t recognize.

Anyway, they sneak back out, Ciabatta stone cold carves up the assassin's body for the birds (which begs the question of what the birds are made of but we still have a lot to get through so let’s just keep moving right along) and they part ways.

Lapin’s Big Day (Part 2)

Lapin is brought to the Pontifex who is, in a word, livid. She asks Lapin where the power of the church comes from and his answer of, “The Bulb and those it shines on,” does not make her any happier. She full SLAPS him and starts ripping him apart for publicly arresting Alfredi--making fools of them and weakening their position with the public--instead of letting the church handle it privately. Lapin says, since Alfredi and Kerradin are in the church, he doesn’t have a lot of faith that the church, as it stands, can handle their own business which was NOT the right thing to say.

The Pontifex gives him an ultimatum: Are you a Candian or a Bulbian official first? Lapin, doing as he’s always done, lies and swears to the church. The Pontifex says that this situation can still be salvaged. Alfredi will be tried privately and hanged publicly (gonna be a real fig leaf of a trial it seems) and then there’s the matter of Candia which is not in good standing with the church. There’s still that little matter of the magic on the Sucrosi Road. Lapin is quick to defend Ruby but it isn’t Ruby she’s targeting. It’s the much easier scapegoat: Liam, the traitor’s son who publicly did magic earlier the same day. She tells Lapin that he will arrest Liam immediately who will be put on trial for witchcraft, a crime with the penalty of death. Obviously torn (to us anyway) Lapin agrees to do it with an, “As you see fit.” He walks out with a group of knights to get the job done.

Back at base, Ruby and Jet fill in everyone on what happened and ask about the two religious terms they saw in the letter from the Pontifex. Nobody knows but there would be records of this stuff in a cathedral somewhere--it’s a big city. Based on what Amethar knows about Pangranos (which he says swings between an ineffective democracy and a destructive imperitorship) it seems like he’s going to try and install himself as imperator--Cersian senators are notoriously corrupt we learned in an earlier episode. They discuss whether the church is trying to get Stilton on the throne for the aforementioned reasons which leads to the news that Amethar was named emperor coming up and everyone is really happy for him.

And then there’s a knock at the door.

They open up and it’s Lapin with a whole mess of soldiers. The head soldier cedes to Lapin and lets him formally charge Liam of witchcraft on behalf of the church. Amethar (and Jet) are like absolutely not and stand in front of Liam to protect him. Theo Messages Lapin like, “Bro, what is happening? Please tell me this is some kind of plan,” and, Lapin, who knows that he can at least assure Liam a real trial with actual due process and that he won’t get disappeared in the night, thinks this is the lesser of all evils. So instead of fighting, Theo asks if she can give up his weapons and stay with Liam in jail overnight. The request is granted. Liam, in a delayed reaction, flips out (valid) and the princesses promise that they’re gonna be A+ witnesses for him. He asks if he can bring Preston to jail and I thought they would have a problem with that seeing as familiars are a thing but nope. The pig is all good.

Before he’s marched out, Amethar brings Liam close. Liam, so deer in headlights, whispers, “Don’t let them kill me.” Amethar responds that he would die before he let them kill him.

Liam (with Theo keeping watch) spends the night in a jail cell and wakes up to the sound of bells. The emperor is dead. And, guess what? The papers were never signed.

The Rocks family goes to the Emperor's chambers where Plumbeline is crying. Amethar comforts her. Jet says that she only took a short rest so she could look up those two religious terms from the letter. She found a book with the info but if she reads it now, she’ll miss Liam’s trial so she takes it with her. Amethar offers Plumbeline an out from going to the church but she wipes her tears and insists on going.

Liam is brought out. The Pontifex speaks and says the trial is being slightly postponed to deal with the emperor's death. She days the paperwork wasn’t finished but a successor was reportedly named. Amethar kinda prompts Plumbeline who stands and says that she was there when the Emperor named as his successor...Ciabatta.

Ruby instantly calls her a liar and Amethar stands up and makes his claim (not happy to have to speak against Plumbeline but also not happy with whatever BS she’s pulling). Ciabatta, btw, is not present for this.

With two competing claims, the Pontifex brings out the Book of Leaves--a Bublian artifact formerly belonging to Amethar’s sister, St. Citrina--which basically has Lasso of Truth powers. Lapin does a check to make sure it’s the real book and not tampered with in any way and on a Nat 20, knows that it’s the real deal *and* that he can glean info about the true nature of the Bulb from it with some more time. While this is going down, Jet is reading and she learns that the Profidian Heresy is an old belief of the church that the Hungry One is as powerful as the Bulb and they eventually decided that couldn’t be true and it was discarded as an official belief.

Back to the action. The Pontifex asks Plumbeline if her dad really named Ciabatta emperor and she is compelled to tell the truth. No, he didn’t. Amethar comes in for his easy lay-up but, as he walks up, in a little side room, he sees that Manta Ray Jack is chained up and he’s had the crap beat out of him. And the Pontifex has a different question for him: Who is your lawful wedded wife?

Amethar hems and haws but eventually is forced to admit that he legally married a woman from the Dairy Islands when he was younger and it was technically never annulled because of the war making things complicated.

The Pontifex, who is playing 4-D lightning chess, says that because he never actually divorced his previous wife, his marriage to Caramelinda was never valid which means that Ruby and Jet as bastards and he’s an adulterer in the eyes of the church, grounds for excommunication which she performs at once. Excommunication means no ability to hold land or title which means the crown of Candia moves to the next in line which happens to be Joren Jawbreaker (Liam’s dad--Ruby and Jet can’t inherit bc they’re bastards and Caramelinda has no claim since the marriage wasn’t official) who is in open rebellion with the rest of Calorum. Which means that all of Candia is now in open rebellion with the rest of Calorum. Which means everyone in the room can now be arrested as enemies of the state!

You *know* everybody’s rolling for initiative, and I’m trying to not hold my breath because it’s gonna be a LONG wait until next Wednesday.

Things I’m Concerned About

I almost feel like I should have a Things I’m Not Concerned About list this week to save time. What a roller coaster of absolutely insanity. And it’s only episode 5 people. It’s episode 5! You know that chart we all learned in school about rising action, climax, falling action? We’re still way on the bottom of the rising action part! There’s still so much buildup left but where is there left to go? This is like the end of act two of another story! What is happening!?

Annabelle said she had one request for her and one for her country. Then she asked for something for Primsy which sounds like the country one but I’m not convinced it is. Like, it certainly could be but the phrasing of that and lack of clarification has me wary.

I’m concerned Jet only got a short rest going into this battle. She got hurt at least some during the fight and I know she doesn’t need to regain spell slots but, like, a million NPCs are gonna be at this fight. This is not the one to come in nerfed. Like, I trust Emily to make judgement calls and Jet probably doesn’t have that much HP so a short rest might have done it but mmm, don’t love this. (Upon rewatch, she did get another short rest during the “who do we nominate” scene so maybe it’s fine but still...).

I really don’t see a scenario where everyone leaves this fight alive/OK. You know that Smash Bros screen where it’s like, “Everyone’s Here!” That’s what this is like. Like, can you imagine trying to escape the White House surrounded by secret service? Gah, I really feel like I’m gonna be writing a eulogy for a piece of candy this time next week. And, for everybody else, this isn’t a fight you win. This is a fight you escape. I really hope Calroy made good on getting that boat.

Gah, there are so many potentially shady NPCs to talk about. It’s not gonna dig too deep into any of them but just a quick look on where my head’s at:

Ciabatta: Is he corrupt? And it just within his country (and thus, not really the concern of the Candians), or did he put up Plumbeline to nom him? Where was he? Was he not at the trial because it was none of his business or did he not want to be there when things went crazy. What docs did he burn? Just the blackmail on him? What has he done?

Plumbeline: Who put her up to putting up Ciabatta? What does she have to gain from doing that (or lose from not doing it)? It was enough to give up a seat on the council and contravene her father’s dying wish. Did Ciabatta have blackmail on her? Did the church make her do it to have an excuse to question Amethar (maybe when she went to get the papers signed)? What did Ruby miss on her 7 Insight check right before they went to the trial?

Annabelle: Did she really make Stilton a viable heir just for Primsy’s sake or does she have ulterior motives? And are those motives personal or fully in league with some kind of conspiracy--possibly the cheese one in particular.

Pontifex B: OK, so obviously the church is shady. We got that. But what is their angle here? Is it as simple as Candia is doing the magic they don’t like, let’s remove them? And which parts of this (or, more likely, *these*--there’s got to be multiple things in play here) is she actually puppet mastering? I’m sure some of it is just the church being shady just because it is.

Stilton: I simply do not vibe with anything about him.

Just to put a fine point on it, if I--me irl--was attacked by people back to back, I would assume the attacks were related, but Amethar is a BIG target. It’s very likely multiple sets of people are independently gunning for him and multiple gunners always makes a mystery harder to solve.

Lord and Lady Swirlie are always around but being sidelined. Brennan keeps mentioning them and Amethar keeps stiff-arming them. I don’t know if they keep coming up because they’re secretly relevant or if Brennan is just a good DM (second is true regardless) but hmm. Related but not really a concern per se, I would like to know what Lady Donetta is like. She’s rarely around because she’s usually keeping the Swirlies busy.

OK, so Lapin. Yikes. He was in a bad position to start with but now, I don’t even know where he stands. He’s a Candian, but just the day before he said he was a Primogen first, right? So, hypothetically, he should be able to escape this and stand with the Pontifex. After all, he’s a miracle worker for all she knows (unless she *actually* knows). You would give your official who was specifically chosen by your god the chance to do the “right thing” right? Would that be a wise choice to make? I could see him doing that so he can be their man on the inside. Lapin doesn’t die but Zac has to use his backup because Lapin is MIA. But if he sides with the Candians, he’s fully persona non grata with the church and he’s already on pretty thin ice. Also, if the worst happens as I suspect and one of the Rocks’ family falls, what position does that put him in with his patron? Yeesh, I would *not* want to be Zac next fight.

Just to also highlight this, very possible that even if we have no deaths, someone gets captured, stuck in a dungeon, and put out of commission for a long stretch of eps. I don’t think the church wants them dead necessarily. Except for Liam who they for sure want dead.

I don’t know how fast news travels in Calorum but Caramelinda is in for a SHOCK. Also, I wonder what was meant by, “What the world took from her”? (Caramelinda’s reason for not really caring about the rest of the world when they’re discussing whether she should be nom’d). Like, is it just general war stuff or something specific? Oh and, in case it wasn’t mentioned before, she’s originally from House Meringue, and that’s her house again now that her marriage is legally invalid.

I think it was said that Gustavo was a little more lucid this time then when they talked. Then the Pontifex gets the papers and he just dies? Could just be a coincidence, but poison has been established in this story already at least twice and Liam even thought to check for poison (though he wasn’t able to) so I’m keeping an eye out.

OK, this episode was A Lot so, this week, I’m adding a section to shout out the funniest parts of this episode and it’s called:

Sunny Side Up

Theo barking at the Tartguard, “DO A SADDER DANCE” had me DYING.

As did Murph going through the motions of the nomination conversation like he didn’t have a scroll ready to go that he’d made in advance.

When they Home Alone their room, Ally says, “I have a bunch of micromachines and they’re peppermint.”

When Brennan/Ciabatta was going through pronouns and Jet was like, “Or a spaghetti person,” and Ciabatta was like, “Tbh, that will prob be the case regardless.” Also, the very Brennan double peace signs at the end.

When they’re like, “We should make Preston King,” and Calroy is like, “Emperor,” like that’s the only wrong part of that.

Five A Lot More Things

Lol at Brennan going through the mechanics of the trial like there was ever gonna be a trial.

Grissini, man. He’s at the fight and while I would not blame him for following orders I would love for him to be exactly who I hope he is and if not fully defect, maybe throw the Candians a sneaky Help action. I know hope only exists to be destroyed in shows like this but I want what I want, OK?

What an exquisitely DM’d episode. Giving the players an agonizing political minefield of a decision in disguise as a reward is brilliant. The jump between the spy stuff and the church stuff and then the whole lead up to the arrest? Like, I knew Liam was gonna take the fall for Ruby from last episode and that was still a gut punch. And then making it seem like Liam’s head was on the chopping block and then BOOM, nope. It’s actually everybody? The uno post by @aydaspastlives is both the funniest D20 post this week and the best description on the insanity that we saw. Most fun I’ve ever had being womped. Well done Brennan.

I realized this episode when I accidentally typed Pete instead of Liam because of the Peppermint alliteration that Pete had a peppermint tooth from like episode 2 onward of TUC. Connections!

If you follow me for non D&D stuff know I’m very into Six the musical and I can’t hear the word excommunicated with doing it in my head like in Don’t Lose Ur Head which was jarring, as I’m sure you can imagine.

We were all bracing for bastards but the bastards were with us all along! Very wild. I wonder if/how that reveal would have gone down if Amethar had died. And I really wonder if there is still another child. The Pontifex didn’t mention, but that could be a good pawn for later, both for her or for Brennan. Or someone’s second character, who knows? Also, I very much want to know more about this milk maid and how literal that description is.

Edit: I can’t believe I forgot to mention this before but the delicious monkey paw-ness of Ruby and Jet continually talking about how they don’t want to be royal and then suddenly being branded bastards in front of everyone? Amazing. Also the little, “Call me that one more time,” from Ruby. So good.

I wonder if the protections Amethar got by Theo naming him do him any good in this situation.

What does bread bleed, Brennan? Please? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me consider this? Also, why would Ciabatta just stick his hand in water like that? My guy, there are better ways to check the deadly poison other than directly handling it.

Brennan really likes naming important religious concepts, huh? No shade, I genuinely think it’s great.

I don’t know why I heard, “bacon steel” and I was like, “Plausible,” and then I heard “fruit iron” and I was like, “Absolutely not.”

Oh and just a quick note: Ruby and Jet double leveled last fight so I think they’re all caught up with everyone else now (but Liam might still be one level behind).

One More Thing!

This has absolutely nothing to do with Crown of Candy but I am still, as always, on my BS re: the Abernants and y’all should check out this amazing animatic by @crayfishcoffee. It is, hands down, my favorite piece of D20 fan art, absolutely period. I could literally go off for another thousand words but I’m being indulgent as is so I’ll shut up now. Go watch it!

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #a crown of candy #a crown of candy spoilers #the royal report #I wanted to get this up early considering how much there is to process #also please watch that animatic #I'm gonna reblog it later so I can gush in the tags it's so so good

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dargeereads · 4 years

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COCKY HERO CLUB

Release Date: May 17, 2020

Vi Keeland and Penelope Ward are excited to bring you the Cocky Hero Club: original works from various authors inspired by Keeland and Ward's New York Times bestselling Cocky Bastard series.

COCKY DUKE

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MOTHER CLUCKER

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HEATHER

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SECRET KEEPER BY CHRISTOPHER HARLAN

She was the fruit of a forbidden tree, but nothing in this world was going to stop me from tasting her.

My name is Dylan Murphy, and I work for the rich and powerful of an exclusive Manhattan building. Graham Morgan was my first boss, but soon after I was working with some of the most famous entrepreneurs, business moguls, and movie stars in the city. They trusted me because I always followed the cardinal rules:

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Not until she walked past me.

The look we exchanged that night set my body on fire, and I knew right then and there that no matter the consequences, she was going to be mine. But she was one of them—off limits and out of my league, but she was the kind of woman who I was willing to risk everything for.

I keep other people’s secrets for a living, but the biggest secret of all might be my own.

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COCKY CAPTAIN

BY ELLIE MASTERS

Ex-fighter pilot, Logan Reid, is exactly the kind of man I despise. He’s a cocky jet jock, a former Navy Blue Angel, and full of all the arrogance that comes with being the best of the best.

I’m an ex-Zoomie, an Air Force tanker pilot. The rivalry between our sister services is nothing compared to that between fighter jocks and tanker pilots. We’re bitter rivals and I’m low-man (woman) on the totem pole

The last thing I need is to spend six hours at thirty-five thousand feet locked in a cockpit with the cocky captain. But I have no choice. I’m his co-pilot, and we’re taking the CEO of Montague Enterprises, and his family, on a mini-vacation to the Grand Caymans.

We have three days on the ground before we fly back.

Three long days in paradise and he wants to spend them all with me.

I have a thing for fighter pilots.

It isn’t animosity, exactly, but rather a deep-seated dislike. They get all the glory while the rest of us sit at the butt end of their jokes and wither beneath their ridicule.

I hate fighter pilots. There, I said it. I hate the arrogant pricks with a passion.

But after one look into those magnetic eyes, and the devastating wink which follows, I’m thinking of throwing caution to the wind. What harm can come from some innocent flirting? Besides, it’s not as if my job is at risk.

I’m not prepared for the air to sizzle when he’s close.

I’m not ready for our explosive chemistry when he touches my skin.

I’m not equipped for the fallout when our three days come to an end.

And I never expected to fall in love.

But all good things come to an end.

I wasn’t prepared when I walked away.

And I wasn’t ready for what came next.

He’s arrogant.

He’s cocky.

He’s determined to get what he wants.

And he’s refuses to let this end.

He’s fighting for a forever…with me.

But, I’m not ready for our beginning.

He’s arrogant enough to prove me wrong.

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SEXY SUIT

BY J.H. CROIX

When I met Ryan, I might’ve been trying to break into his basement.

It was for a good cause. I swear. Also, my dog broke in first.

Ryan Blake is jaw-dropping handsome, wealthy & cocky. Not quite my type. By some miracle, he doesn’t call the police on me when he catches me trying to rescue my dog. He even fetches a doctor for me. Don’t ask why.

I don’t figure I’ll see him again. Then, I do. Then, he kisses me. Once. Twice. Is three times the charm? To be honest, I swooned at the first kiss.

All swooning aside, we are seriously opposites. I wear cowboy boots and skirts. He wears suits and ties. He’s all New York City. I’m a Southern girl looking for a new start. We even talk at different speeds.

The list of things I don’t expect from Ryan is long. I don’t expect him to think twice about me. I don’t expect him to nearly bring me to my knees with a look. I don’t expect him to be so much more than I ever imagined.

I absolutely don’t expect to fall for him. So hard I’m skidding sideways just to catch my balance.

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WICKED BEDMATE BY JENIKA SNOW

Getting fired and humiliated in front of everyone at my newly acquired secretarial job at Morgan Financial Holdings wasn’t how I’d seen my day going.

And then chaos—or maybe luck—ensured.

I was set up on a blind date, shocked that my former boss was giving me a month’s severance, and had the perfect interview lined up.

Maybe things were looking up for me after all.

And although finding a man should have been on the bottom of my to-to list, I couldn’t get Jason—the uber sexy blind date—out of my head. Sexy and confident—or maybe arrogant—he had me yearning for more with just a smoldering look and a smirk of his lips.

But when a night of drinking leads to getting in bed with him and having the wildest, most intense night of my life, I didn’t know if I should ask to see him again, or do the good old walk of shame.

And it’s when I walk into my interview the next day and come face-to-face with my prospective employer that the reality of my situation sinks in.

Because there, sitting across from me with that devilish smile on his face, that knowing expression of what we’d done the night before, is the one and only Jason, my supposedly one-night stand.

Looked like my humiliation wasn’t over just yet.

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LUCKY BASTARD BY KAYLEE RYAN

Emma

When my best friend Aubrey asked me to tag along to an event with her, I never could have imagined that it would be the day that my life changed forever.

He’s arrogant and demanding and doesn’t take a hint. Landon Barker, the quarterback for the Hermosa Beach Trojans, is a player on and off of the field. He’s got his sights set on me as his next play, but I see right through him. Aubrey says I’m overreacting, that I should give him a chance. What she doesn’t realize is men like Landon don’t fall for the girl next door. That’s not reality. She got her fairytale, although it was a long road. Not all of us are that lucky.

Landon

She’s a friend of our new kicking coach’s wife. When I ask Chance for her number, he tells me I have to find a way to get it myself.

Nothing when it comes to Emma has been easy. She’s the first woman ever to turn me down, and that won’t do. However, as time passes, it’s about more than that. It’s about her smile, her laugh, and just spending time with her. She thinks I’m a player, and she’s right. What she doesn’t know is that I play to win, and her heart is the ultimate trophy.

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COCKSURE ACE BY K WEBSTER

I’m a fighter.

At least that’s what my daddy always told me.

It’s in our blood.

Hard work, hustle, and a little Hennessey is the Reid motto.

He taught me to fight for everything I wanted in life.

Take down those who threaten the dream.

My dream is to marry the perfect man.

That man is my father’s best friend and I won’t stop until I have him.

And at Daddy’s wedding in Costa Rica, I plan to make that dream finally come true.

Then, my life will be smooth sailing.

Until a chance flight with an arrogant pilot throws me off course.

Literally.

Camilo’s decisions affect my future, and I can’t allow anything—not even a cocksure, ridiculously hot idiot—to stand in my way.

Problem is, he fights back.

Every battle I’ve won in life, he shoots down and exposes me for the fraud I am.

Trapped in paradise with my devilishly handsome nemesis seems like one of the seven circles of Hell…and, boy, is it getting hot around here.

He’ll strip me of my armor.

Remind me of my past.

Force me to rethink my future.

And help me live in the moment.

Will he steal my heart too?

One thing’s for sure.

This girl won’t give up without a fight.

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CLUTCH PLAYER BY NIKKI ASH

Harper

I fell in love when I was sixteen. Landon was my entire world and I thought he would be my forever. But I was young and dumb, and with one error in judgement, I destroyed any chance of a future we could’ve had together, along with our hearts.

Twelve years later and I’m going through the motions of life, but not actually living. Which is why I let my friends, Bridget and Simon, set me up on a blind date. Turns out, it’s not so blind after all. Because the man sitting in front of me is the same man who’s held onto my heart all these years.

Landon

They call me a Clutch Player because I’m good under pressure and quick on my feet. I was also quick to fall in love. The first time it was with baseball, the second was with Harper. And for a short time I had them both.

Until I lost Harper and all I had left was baseball.

For years, I focused on my career. I had accepted that baseball was my one true love.

Until I saw her again. I never imagined we’d ever get a second chance, but now that she’s sitting right across from me, I know there’s no way in hell I’m going to let her go again.

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SEXY SCOUNDREL BY RAISA GREYWOOD

Carlina Perez is in way over her head. Unexpectedly jobless and fostering an exotic pet with an insatiable appetite, this pastry chef needs a new gig faster than she can whip up a batch of scones. But when she’s tapped to serve as the personal chef to a haughty tabloid regular, she only considers the job out of sheer desperation. After all, Giorgio Acardi may be filthy rich and intoxicatingly handsome, but he’s also a first class scoundrel.

Giorgio Acardi has it all: money, fame, an endless string of beautiful companions, and the respect of his colleagues and rivals. From the outside looking in, his life is perfect. So perfect, in fact, that he’s even got his eye on a new personal chef. She’s talented and gorgeous, and it shouldn’t make a difference whether she hates him or not as long as she does the job. But there’s something about Carlina that Giorgio just can’t resist, and he hasn’t enjoyed success by backing down from a challenge.

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