#gonna have to situate myself to avoid hurting my dumb ass in the middle of the night

[superfluouskeys]

new petty problem lol. the side of my foot that i hurt is the side that i sleep on skjnfnkjfknjfknj

[hatsukeii]

One where y/n has been obviously in love with Tsuki since they were kids and not afraid to show it, but he’s always been lowkey mean to her and thinks she’s annoying and then finally years later she decides he’s not a nice guy and let’s him know she’s fine with all that crap and then he realizes he’s falling for her and does something really sweet for her and they fall in love? 😭😭🥺��🏻👈🏻 ty in advance. Sorry if this is too long or specific, if it is, feel free to ignore

I genuinely hope you didn’t think I would actually ignore this<33

IM SORRY IM A MASTER PROCRASTINATOR ILY ALL AND YOU ALL DESERVE AN APOLOGY FROM ME

Dear diary//Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k+

Warnings: Cursing

Genre: Angst??? I guess???

Summary: He’s an ass, but you still love him to bits, and it’s killing you.

July 16, 2008

Dear Diary,

I got to play with Tsukki again! He had his dino with him, it was super cute! He told me his front teeth came off last night, and there’s a big hole in his teeth, but it’s okay, because he said it will grow back. I tried to hold his hand while going down the twin slides but he said it was sweaty, so next time I’ll wear gloves!

You flip through the hot pink diary, cringing at your young infatuation. Your diary entries were cringey as fuck, but they always rekindle something within you whenever you read them. You can’t even remember when you stopped writing in the book. Was it when you turned 10? Maybe 12? You don’t have a single clue.

April 30, 2011

Dear Diary,

Tsukki refused to marry me in the playground at break:(( I’ve known him for so long though, aren’t we supposed to get married? I just wanna hold his hand and hug him and give him a biiiiig kiss<33

Chuckling at the memory, you recalled the event from that entry clearly. You were seven years old only, still an immature kid. You still thought that getting married in a middle school playground was a huge milestone in life, almost as crucial as a legal marriage.

May 29, 2016

Dear Diary,

Love how Tsukki didn’t even remember my birthday:,) Must be nice getting made fun of. Half the students in my class felt my second hand embarrassment from when he completely forgot about it. God, why am I even in love with this asshole? I’m gonna have to go to school tomorrow and deal with all my classmates making fun of me for being hopeless. Brb, currently digging a hole for myself:)

Frowning at the memory, you think back to when you were twelve. He was an asshole then, still is an asshole to this day. And yet not an ounce of your unconditional love and support for him has faded. Grabbing a tissue, you wipe the remaining tears from your eyes, ignoring the dried tear stains on your cheek. Your hand slams onto the bedside table, lazily feeling for your phone. Tilting it towards your face, you sigh at the empty lock screen, accepting defeat. Flicking through the rest of the book, you are welcomed by pages and pages of white. “So that’s when I gave up on this diary...” you mutter to yourself as you lift yourself up from your bed. Heading towards your desk, you absentmindedly grab yourself a pen, notebook in hand. Slamming the diary down, you open it up to the next entry page after your last one, gently placing the tip of your pen on the first line. You grab your hair out of frustration, the ink bleeding into the thin paper. “What to do, what to do...?” You mumble, starting to form sentences in your notebook.

July 17, 2020

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while hasn’t it? Holy shit, all my entries were about Tsukki weren’t they? Jesus, of course they were. At least I was able to get it off my chest this afternoon. Telling him that I’ve been in love with him for years, that was fucking terrifying. Telling him that although I know he’s an ass, an animatronic dick complete with ballsack, that won’t stop me from falling harder, it was gut wrenching, but also relieving to a certain degree. I’m still waiting for some form of response, although I’m not sure I’m gonna get one anytime soon. I can’t decide whether telling him was the dumbest or bravest decision I’ve made. Maybe it was both. Just wait until I look back on this entry like a decade later and still cry about it lmao. Tbh he’s a genuinely nice person at heart. I know that all too well. He may be an ass most the time, and he may think I’m annoying, but despite how hard he tries to push me away, I’ll never abandon him. Jesus Christ, I sound like a yandere here, but it’s not that. It’s that I care for him a lot. Maybe even a bit too much. It’s ridiculous how absolute and utter shit a crush can make you feel.

Throwing the pen down, you flop back onto your bed, huffing into the thick blankets. You stay silent, not sure of what to think of the situation. “I’ll just deal with it all tomorrow, I’m tired of this shit.”

On the other side of the incident, Tsukishima is currently going through a mental crisis.

The blond sits at his desk, eyes unwavering, but focusing on nothing. It feels as if he hasn’t blinked in what seemed to be hours. Just hours of staring at his wall that led to nothing. Your confession plays in his head nonstop, like a broken record that refused to run out of battery.

“The thing is I like you. I’m pretty sure I always have. And I know that you’re such an asshole and all that, you won’t treat me as well as people would expect, but it’s fine. I’m fine with all that. All the dumb, stupid, careless insults you’ll throw at me, the side eyes and sneers, telling me to shut up and go away, I’m fine with it. I know you’re a good person, and that’s all that matters to me.”

“Well shit what the fuck do you want me to say?”

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

Maybe he should have let you down slowly.

But as he stares at his wall, the photos of the two of you framed and balanced on his floating shelves, he starts to reconsider his feelings.

The way your expression faltered then as you hastily took your bag and rushed away without a single word, the way you avoided him in the halls, the way you stopped talking to him throughout the day, it drove him crazy. He couldn’t handle the realisation that he hurt you so incredibly badly, so now all he can do is stare at his empty, blank wall. Did he know why he felt that way? No. He didn’t and still doesn’t. He’s Tsukishima fucking Kei, the emotionless, provoking, unlikeable king, yet a mere girl is somehow able to mess with his mind so badly, that all he can do is wallow in regret and confusion? What is this weird feeling? His throat itches, his heart is beating like crazy, sweat starting to gather around his temples. He clamps his two hands together, slamming his forehead onto them and squeezing his eyes shut.

How could I have been so dense?

How was he unable to see that you were absolutely in love with him? Even with the bento boxes, birthday gifts, constant compliments, he still only ever thought you liked him as a friend. However he never did. He likes you more than that. Way more. Yes, he thought, and still thinks you can be annoying at times, especially when you nag at him about not eating enough or being rude, but it was undeniable that there was something else he felt. But his stupid ass shitty ego would never let him admit it. And now that you finally confessed, he freaked out and fucked up. Even then, he didn’t think it would affect him to this extent.

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you (Y/N).”

He says that over and over again, desperate to cloud out the disagreeing thoughts in his head that scream otherwise.

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

The guilt didn’t go away.

In fact, now that he’s said all that, he feels even worse. Oh how much he wants to find you right this second, wrap you in his arms, tell you how incredibly sorry he is, but he can’t. He doesn’t deserve to do that. His heart is begging for him to just get out of the house and run to yours as fast as he could, but his body won’t move. He wants to cry. Scream. Shout. Throw something. Shatter something. But most of all, he wants to get another chance.

Picking up his phone, he hesitates, before typing in your contact, the cleared out, empty chatroom showing up on his screen. Going as fast as his fingers could, he typed out the one sentence he’s been dying to let out.

“It was a middle school crush, but I’m still into you. I always have been.”

Is it just me, or is this bad-

Idk man it seems like all my fics are pretty much the same and I hate it😌

Tags:

@sunshines-and-tatertots @izzyphantomgamer @justachillgirl @trashcanweeb @just-another-bored-writer @poppirocks @majorfangirl37 @kaylacinderella @random-fandomlover @tiger1719 @tiredgr3mlin @itmekisuu @skyeackermans @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @shoutsukii @agentvicinity @sakusasgarbage @kuroo-thought-of-a-better-un @sneezefiction @bokutokoutarou @thirstyvolleyballhoe @iwaixiumi @iwaigroomi @inlwlevi

Feel free to comment or pm to be added to taglist!

I’m back to writing lmao I’m bored in two week quarantine rn

Edit: cue me realising I was half asleep and missed something in the request don’t be surprised if I repost this💀💀💀💀

Btw the hq manga just ended time to cry

💕💕💕💕

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hey!! 👋🏽😄 I know you said in your last rant about SK8 and Reki and Renga that you were one of those people that always looks up and learns from others, but after your last Langa edit, I just wanted to remind you how immensely talented you are. I might have not seen your first attempts at editing, but I know how it looks like when you're barely starting something, and I'm sure everyone is proud of the progress you've made and many people looks up to you as the level of skill they want to achieve. You're doing amazing! 💖💖💖

Hi, my love!!!!!! ASDFSDFGHG that’s soooo sweet, thank you so much for saying this, it really means the world to me <3 Oh, haha I’ve deleted most of my old videos so it wouldn’t hurt anyone’s eyes lmao T_T I’m still a bit nervous each time I’m uploading my vids to the day to be honest, even with so many subs rn, but at first I really didn’t have any supporters at all and my god I sucked at this, but I guess the love for my fav ships was stronger apparently haha. So I always get silly happy at each nice comment and feedback, so thank you seriously. 

I really love love love vidding, Idk why but when smth comes out the way I wanted it’s a super addictive feeling for some reason, but many times I just looked at the final result and just threw it in the trash and started over and my god how many times SonyVegas crushed and didn’t autosave the project. I’m like Suga now, I’m pressing the save button each 2 minutes, cause don’t want to lose anything xD Being someone’s inspiration is truly an honor to me, I’ve got some messages that hit me too hard. Still feels weird bc I’m like “but do you know that I can’t even use photoshop tho, how do u like me now then?” lol.

I’m always drawn to talented characters, bc they amaze me, esp the humble ones. Like those who hate Haru or Lanaga just buffle me honestly. I understand that they’re pretty and talented and everything, but they’re also the sweetest and loveliest human beings, so like...??? And I adore those who don’t whine and get what they want. I just can’t help it. I’m a strong believer in the fact that "you can do anything if you put your mind to it”. So far it worked in real life so suck it lol.

People are also saying like Langa doesn’t deserve to win this and Haru doesn’t deserve to be in Olympics, like Langa didn’t snowboard since he was 2 and Haru wasn’t swimming every day since he was born. I’m like.. and you need to check in the mirror if your face is a shade of green. BTW I’ve also been in a professional sports for quite a long time since I was a little kid, ballroom dancing and adored it back then, and I did not get jealous at ppl who were talented than me, I was watching the tapes actually with a popcorn. And oh god those large competition events when you sit there for days and give it all, but then you’re like 296 out of 1000. Why was I proud instead of being sad? Idk xD It was fun.

So thanks for liking the vid, cause I even regretted uploading it a bit yesterday. Sadly everyone already knows that we lost this fandom to the middle schoolers being extra, so they do not care for anything each episode except for this ship, so that’s what I got for posting a just Langa vid:

And etc. and that just made me sad, cause I do not like such fandoms, like it’s not even related to the video, that I’ve been making... with love.  Also thanks for the "sama” title, I’m flattered, but editor only wants to vid matchablossom for now, so like there’s no need for any warnings. I’ve been in such horrendoes fandoms, that I’m immune to this. I also in fact didn’t know some keep ruining Langa’s page and saying that he steals Reki’s screen time... cause he’s aparently the only main character...? ...lmao? I didn’t even know Langa can be hated tbh. I wasn’t really ready for all the drama that followed me making a vid about him.

I’ve already deleted some comments, cause I’m like what this even has to do with the vid about Langa? No, I am not obliged to make a vid about Reki, too. What if I post a matchablossom vid, everyone will only start commenting “do renga”, cause fuck your efforts? I’m like... I hate such fanbases, seriously. I do not even know where this is going, but their fans are already pissing me off. I’m still trying hard for this to not affect my point of view about the ship, cause it’d be kinda unfair to them, but its getting harder each week istg.

And I maybe can’t take requests, but I love when some try to get me addicted on their ship with passion and great arguments. It happened to me with some nice ppl. But def not with agression and stupidity haha.

Cause apparently its one of the fandoms where you can’t NOT care for the main ship, even if you accept it for the only possible Langa ship (cause he doesn’t give a shit for anyone else, so like what’s the point), but it doesn’t do anything for you. I’m like... thanks for threatening. This will make me on board ASAP. Like it’s not the epitomy of love to me... I’m sorry? LMAO 

Some anon even sent me a “you’re dense” (literally thats it) ask after that Reki ask. I was tempted to write smth like “oh I’m sorry, this is the most epic love story of my life and his character is the most complex in the world and he’s the best friend and the most inspiring human being that ever hit my screen. can I become undense now? xD”. But you know I do not know if they’d realise the sarcasm and my pride sadly never allowed me to sell my life values for a bunch of 12 years olds to love me lol

My sister always laughs and jokingly says “but you’d probably get much more subs if you made a vid about this or that, but at what price that would be lmao”. Cause yeah, I never could make myself vid smth I do not like, cause I love vidding and do not want it to be associated with things I do not like, plus it’ll most likely turn out ugly, if I do not care. My mom says that she can feel love I put in my shipping vids that’s why she loves them. I really don’t think she’s wrong. But that also kinda makes me an idiot technically, cause I’m not into many of the popular ships, and some popular animes I just find really basic. 

Also I’m like 100% sure it ain’t happening, but even if they miraculously suck each other’s dicks while sitting on a skate board, I can still have the rights not to care at the end. Like did I sign some form where I’m obliged to love each and everyone canon gay ship even if it’s not what I like? Like gay is not the type of love in relationships. You can only care about his ass like Lan Zhan for example or you can only care about your ass. Like that’s different types of relationships, and whatever you like you like. So get all the way of people’s backs, please.

Also do ppl know that you do not need to be blind to the bad sides of the characters in your ships? Or you just gonna be like “I suddenly can’t see” for forever.

So really thanks for such wonderful message and liking the video and for the boosts when I need them and not being an ass to me if I’m not being obsessed with smth, when you like it. (like I think we have different ship in bnha, right? but we’re still doing great tho, thanks for being an angel <3)

I still didn’t expect this becoming a Voltron 2.0. situation tho. We in our twenties see everything differently, I guess. I do get extra about “their love is everywhere”, but I do not get extra by anonymously attacking ppl, threatening creators and yelling “queeerbating psychotic blind assholes if these two aint fucking by the end of the season I’m shaving my head and jumping out of the window and shoot the director. you do not ship it HARD? YOU DUMB FUCK. THAT’S THE BEST LOVE STORY IN THE WORLD”. Like damn, take your blinders off and see the world, kid. Firstly, it’s definitely not, secondly, ppl see love differently in general and at each age too.

Ah, also you must kill Adam, cause he’s a pedo apparently. Like he ain’t even a threat to your ship, unless you’re blind, but they’re still at it, like they do not know that this kind of age difference is literally nothing for an anime? And that there are canon ships with a huger age difference left and right, too. It’s like its their first time approaching an anime or smth. Like in anime world character can literally kill 1000 ppl with his bare hands and bathe in their blood and we can still stan them, depends on their story, ok? Also Langa couldn’t care less for his advances, so like separate Adam from your ship pls. Like, fuck off, if someone is interested in his character. Yeah, he’s a weirdo for reasons, but anime kind of weird do not apply to real life. Stop acting like you’re some purist, when later you’re gonna ship smth else and it suddenly will not apply. Also rules do not apply to animes, everyone knows they do not apply. These are not western cartoons, my god. And 24 years old flirting with 16 year old is defiinitely not the weirdest shit anyone has ever seen in the anime. Chinese BL has characters who were 14 and 30 when they met and happily married. Also FICTION is not life. Literally no one cares. If you’re scared for your saint eyes, do not watch animes, you’re gonna have a heart-attack from what you can see there. Also we’ve seen gayer bromances in animes, who are just bromances, so pls do not shoot anyone if it’s not canon.

So basically I was kinda pissed yersterday, cause fuck them for ruining the tag, but after chatting with my hommies and your ask, I’m okay again, I just have to avoid this fandom and stick to a tight community xD. I just got used to my nice fandoms and forgot for a bit about the precautions you need to take if you’re in one of those. You know. Who make a circus out of lgbt, instead of supporting it, and make other ppl hate being in fandoms.

P.S. sorry for this partially unrelated rant, your messages really always make my heart bloom, so thanks for supporting me, and I know you’re proud of my progress, too <3 and this makes me happy. LY

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 3/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Hey, guys! I hope yall are enjoying this fic so far! Throw me a like please if you do. TW for this chapter: Grief // Homophobia

2003 High School. The bane of my existence. Just as I thought elementary and middle school were terrible, High School really was something else. From my childhood therapy sessions, I learned to conceal my anger, avoid freakouts, and channel my emotions into other things. It was good for me, yeah. But it also made me a more reserved person. Things still made me angry, the other kids at school being a primary key to that. But I never defended myself. Ever. Of course, Jujubee always had my back. Only in later years did I learn to appreciate the times she'd yell at the other kids, telling them to fuck off and whatnot. But back then, I wished she hadn't. It only drew more negative attention. All I wanted was to get through those tough years. I would come home a lot, look at pictures of myself as a child. And I'd be so mad because only then did I see that I wasn't an ugly kid. I was adorable. But, God clearly had favourites 'cause puberty did not do me any favours. If only I had grown up in a more modern time when no one gave a shit about looks. When people were outspoken about the cruelty that came with shaming someone for their looks. When people were more aware of the psychological damage that could do. Again, God had favourites. From years of my eyesight getting worse and needing a new pair of glasses every time I went to the eye doctor, I had thick-rimmed frames that made me look straight out of the 70s. And the lenses made my eyes look huge. I looked like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. My hair was bigger but full of split ends due to lack of giving a shit about it. I begged Mom to let me bleach it blonde. She always straight up refused. I had braces for a whole year which, yeah, many people had braces, but one time while answering a question in class, I drooled. And no one let me hear the end of it. And makeup wasn't something I really fucked with. I tried it once, safe and sound in my own bedroom, and it looked woeful. Instead of working to get better, I accepted defeat in that I would always be ugly. "I'm serious, girl. The foundation was so bad. And it was too dark." I ranted to Jujubee as we headed to the bus stop. I was trying to smoke my cigarette as fast as I could before getting there. Mom never knew, and what she didn't know couldn't kill her. Of course, I didn't just go into the store and buy them myself. Instead, I took one a day from my Grandpa's supply. "Girl, you gotta test it first." She pointed out, adjusting her bag straps. "Juju, I got the lightest colour they had. I don't fucking get it. Every other girl in the school uses it. Maybelline shouldn't sell this shit." "You just need to find a different brand." She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me closer, "OK, don't tell my Mom, but I tried some of her MAC shit the other day, and my skin looked fucking flawless." She let me go, took my cigarette from me, taking a toke herself. "Well, how am I supposed to get my hands on that?" I took the cig back. "I don't see any MAC stores around here." "Oh, yeah? Well, you know what your Other World self would do?" Jujubee's brow raised, a sweet grin appearing on her mischievous face. "She would say fuck school, hop on the next bus to Cleveland and go straight to the MAC store." Blowing out some smoke, I looked at her, "Well, Other World you wouldn't be encouraging that sort of behaviour." "No, she wouldn't 'cause she'd be the first on the bus." Jujubee countered. "And she'd start the sing-song." "Yeah, well other world me would out-sing you 'cause she's a star. She's a fucking diva, bitch. Mariah Carey has nothing on her." We were too caught up in our fantasy world; we almost missed the vehicle driving past us. Only when we saw the cackling faces of the boys at the back of the bus did realisation take over. We were going to miss the bus. "Fuck." I uttered, watching the guys still flipping us off as they moved further and further away. To make matters worse, a car pulled up beside us. And of fucking course, it was Trevor Preston, the Captain of the football team. His two sidekicks were in the

back seat, Logan and Noah. "Aw, look, guys. The geeks just missed the bus." Trevor fake whined. In these situations, I just shut down. I thought it was for the best at the time, but fuck, if I could go back and punch that guy. "You know what? Why don't you mind your own fucking business, Trevor?" Jujubee squinted her eyes at him. “Wow, little fiesty, Juju.” He continued, "How about this? We all say sorry, and we can both ride with us to school." 'Hell fucking no.' I thought. "Oh yeah? And what's the catch?" Jujubee raised a brow. "You let me feel your tits," Trevor smirked, his two cronies snickered. "Ah, there it is. I thought that was what your pea-sized brain would come up with." Jujubee nodded her head. "So, hey, Brianna," Trevor shifted his attention, "You're awfully quiet. Don't I at least get a hello?" I was still frozen, feeling my anxiety brewing within. "Dude, don't be so sensitive. You know, if she opens her mouth, she'll just drool all over herself." Logan added, the three axe wounds beginning to snicker again. I felt like I should have at least opened my mouth to prove them wrong, or maybe spit on Trevor's car. But still, I just stood there. "Trevor, if you don't fuck off right now, I'm gonna key your car." Jujubee threatened. "Juju." I tried to stop her. "Wouldn't even have the chance, sweetheart. Either of you bitches come near my car; you'll never walk the halls again." How gentleman-like, threatening two girls. Funny how our safety was the price to pay for a car. Oh, men. "Keep that in mind," Trevor concluded before driving away with dumb and dumber. "You didn't have to do that." I looked at Jujubee. "I'm sorry they're such assholes." She replied, taking my hand in hers. I shook it off, however. "No, I mean, I wish you wouldn't do that." Jujubee crossed her brows, "what? So I'm supposed to sit there and just take it? No fucking way." "I know. But," I paused, "they kinda scare me. You know?" "Brie, there's nothing more pathetic than a man sweating over the safety of his ride." She retook my hand, "Don't be afraid of a cunt like him." "I mean, I can try not to. But I can't make any promises." I shrugged. "Anyway, what's the plan? How are we supposed to get there on time?" Jujubee was silent for a moment before replying with, "my Mom?" Her Mom did end up giving us a ride, much to my dismay. I would have preferred to take the day off. Or better yet, to just fucking drop out altogether. But Jujubee was always there to reassure me - I adored that bitch. I would have fucking taken a bullet for her. I would like to say that it wasn't just Jujubee and me, that we had a group of more friends. But these guys, I never really counted them as friends. A year prior, we both decided to try and improve our social lives by joining a club. The only one that would accept us was the chess club. Every other member was a guy, and they were nerds. Not that Jujubee and I minded. However, the problem was that they only let us in because...well, do I even need to explain? "So, Brianna," Jimmy decided to approach me at the end of one session, licking his hand and sweeping his hair from his face. "Because I beat you twice today, what do I get?" "...Excuse me?" "My prize. What do I get??" He put an arm around my shoulders. I was puzzled, "Uh, you can have my chicken nuggets at lunch." His grin was beginning to disappear. "Oh, I was thinking of something else. A kiss, maybe?" I felt bad for doing it, but my fight or flight response told me to just run from the room. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but these guys were just on another level of thirst. And it wasn't just me who they flirted with. Jujubee had informed me of a time Arnold convinced her to make out with him. She was all for it until she realised how awful of a kisser he was. And as the boys became more desperate, we decided that we were better off alone. Again, I was so grateful for Jujubee. I was surprised she stuck around, considering she had seen me at my worst when we were still so young. How the fuck had she not developed

issues of her own? Jujubee was the number one reason I even found the strength to just get up in the morning, drag my ass to school, and do my work - Well, aside from wanting to get good grades so I could go to a good college. The second reason? Blair. Unlike me, she was thriving. Our lives were totally cliche - me being the kid who grew up to be the nerd who only speaks when it's to answer a question. And Blair, growing up to be the head cheerleader. And I was still very much in love with her. What a fucking cliche. I avoided Blair at all costs for several reasons;

differing social circles (in my case, lack of),

her boyfriend, who was the Captain of the soccer team and wasn't shy about giving me and Jujubee grief,

her friends,

and, of course, my massive crush on her.

So, why was Blair the second reason as to why I dragged myself to school? Her smile. That was enough. As much as I tried to avoid her, the world decided to do a big "fuck you" on me and sometimes put us into situations together. And every time, I'd be internally freaking out. The worst was when we were both 16. It was that time of the year when the school would invite someone to subject us to the most humiliating moment of our lives. How the fuck were you supposed to put a condom on a banana without bursting out laughing? How the fuck were you supposed to sit there and keep a straight face when the educator used words like 'flaps'? We filed into the class, Jujubee and me taking seats at the back of the room. We knew this was going to be hilarious, so best to avoid the attention of the teacher. "Juju, I know you are dying to make jokes during this, but I'm begging you. Please don't." I spoke quietly to her as other students filed in. "But you know I'm going to, right?" Jujubee smirked, putting her bag on the ground. "No. We wanna keep a low profile. If we laugh, we draw attention, and then we risk being singled out. You know? We'll be at the front of the class demonstrating whatever this bitch asks us." Obviously, I was referring to putting condoms on bananas and the like. Juju, however, raised a brow, "I wouldn't mind that, babe. Don't worry. We won't need to take our clothes off." I stared at her for a few seconds, unable to think of how to respond to that. Jujubee winked, and I forced myself to look away. "That's not what I meant." Blair strolled in with Denali and Rosé, already I could feel my stomach knotting. They went to sit together somewhere in the middle. "Ugh, nope. I don't think so, ladies." Ah, Miss Jaida Hall, if only I could have warned you not to say what you were about to say. Somehow Blair and the two others knew she was speaking to them. She continued, "This is an important class, and I'm not gonna have you all laughing and snickering during it." She had a point. The three girls usually whispered to each other in class, giggling about all sorts of shit. It was never anything malicious about the lesson or teachers, just inside jokes with each other, pretty harmless stuff. But it pissed the teachers off so much. "You can't be serious, right?" Denali replied, clearly scandalised. "Very serious, actually." Ms Hall nodded, "Denali, sit with Brian. Rosé, with Gigi. Blair, with Brianna." I grabbed Jujubee by the wrist, the pressure making her squeak. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. Blair was not rolling her eyes as she made her way to the back towards me. This was not fucking happening. As instructed, Jujubee stood up and let Blair sit down, moving to sit somewhere else. I was alone with the one person I tried my hardest to avoid. She slouched down in her chair, arms folded like she was already over it. I wanted so badly to ask if she was OK. But I couldn't bring myself to. And as the lights turned off and the sex-ed lady pressed play on the video player, I wished I had said something. As the way too enthusiastic narrator explained step by step the act of sexual intercourse, I tried hiding the blush on my face with my hair. I tried so hard to focus on what I was being taught. The truth was, I was still a virgin, as were many of the others in the room, I'm sure. But unlike them, I had no idea how sex worked. It wasn't something I ever gave time to think about. I felt a tapping on my hand. My body tensed as I glanced to the side. Blair was looking at the screen, then at me, then her fingers brushed against my hand. I stared back, unsure of what was happening but also knowing full well what she was doing. She leaned closer and pressed her lips on mine. … OK, that's not what happened. Life wasn't a movie. This was the beginning of the fantasies. Was I ashamed because I was thinking about Blair like that? Or was I ashamed that I enjoyed thinking of Blair like that? "This is ridiculous," Blair whispered. Was I supposed to say something back? "What do you mean?" I

whispered back. "Do they actually think we're that dumb? We all know how sex works. We don't need this stupid class." Blair rolled her eyes. I almost told her that I belonged to the small percentage that didn't know. But I stopped myself. I couldn't bear her knowing that information. Instead, I went with the awkward, "haha. Yeaaahhhh…" For the rest of the film, we sat in silence. Still trying to focus on the screen. Not the absolute stunner sitting next to me. And as if by magic, the video ended. I wanted to say I was relieved, but I couldn't lie; what I learned from the film left me nauseous. He puts his hoo-ha in her what, now?? "Well, that was really cool and hip, right?" The educator enthused. I cringed internally. No woman wearing a crucifix necklace and ankle-length skirt has the right to use words like 'cool' and 'hip'. "I know it's probably all so confusing. So that's why I'm here to answer any of your questions, dudes and dudettes." Already, one of the boys put a hand up. "Go ahead, homie." "What about the other hole?" He said with a straight face before his friends started laughing. He laughed back as he fired one of them. "You know. The back door?" Ms Hall shot him the 'look'. He was toast. The sex educator fixed her hair quite uncomfortable, "Well, there's a reason that is an out hole, young man. I warn all of you, do not go down that road. You will get aids and die. Now, does anybody else have a question?" The educator rambled, fixing her hair awkwardly. I heard the rustling of clothes beside me, and glancing around, Blair had her hand straight up in the air. "Yes, sweetheart?" Sex Ed lady pointed to her. "OK, so this is interesting and all, but I was just wondering, what about non-heterosexual sex?" Her brows knit for a moment. I looked around at her now. The breath caught in my throat. "I'm sorry?" Sex Ed lady asked. "You know. Man on man. Girl on girl. What about all of that?" Blair raised a brow. "I mean, you gotta know there's more than just heterosexual people out there. Maybe some even in this room right now." "Blair." Ms Hall began. "Because, if you disagree, then that's ridiculous. Oh, and if you think aids is some kind of death sentence, then you seriously need to educate yourself." Sex ed lady looked appalled, her Christian beliefs quite clearly threatened. "That's it. Get out." Ms Hall stood up. Blair huffed, pushing her seat back, lifted her bag and left the room, Ms Hall following behind. "OK. So, any other questions? Reasonable questions only, please." Jujubee was looking over her shoulder at me now, sharing the same expression I did. Thank God for lunch next period. Jujubee and I were hiding at the back of the school, in an alley between the building itself and the old workshops. The perfect hiding place for a smoke and to freak the fuck out about specific events. "Juju, she knows. She knows I'm a lesbian. She knows I like her." I paced. "I'm moving. That's it." I stopped. "But why would she speak up for me of all people? It doesn't make sense." My eyes widened. "Unless she's also a lesbian. I mean, that makes sense, right?" Jujubee had been sitting on the wall, patiently listening to my manic ramblings. The first few minutes, she was just as astounded. But the more I theorised, rambling on and on, she was over it. "I highly doubt that considering the boyfriend." "Then she must know. Why else would she say it? I highly doubt there are other gays in that class. Speaking of which, I had no idea lesbians could have sex like; how does that work. I'm gonna look into that somehow. But getting back to the point, if she did know, why would she speak out for me of all people?" My ramblings were non-stop. I tried my best to avoid Blair for the rest of the day, not that I could, considering we were both in the same last period. Blair's outburst was the talk of the school. I wasn't sure if it was a positive response or not. The only thing I did know was Trevor was pissed. "Brie, look." Jujubee tapped me. I turned from my locker and looked where everyone else seemed to be

looking. Just down the corridor, Trevor was standing over Blair, their conversation clearly heated. People were shamelessly moving closer, Jujubee following in their path. "Juju, don't," I whispered. But she didn't listen. I went after her as if it would stop her. "Trevor, this isn't that big of a deal," Blair said. "Not a big deal? Blair, do you know what the guys are saying? They think you're gonna dump me for a girl. Do you know how humiliating that is?" Trevor held a hand to his chest "And what if I did?" Blair challenged. The few people standing around cooed with excitement. "Oh, please. Don't get all cocky now that you have an audience." Trevor pointed. But Blair took a step closer to him. "What, 'cause you know you're the one who looks like an idiot? Maybe if you weren't so insecure, you'd know I would never do that to you." "Don't call me an idiot." Trevor lowered his tone, choosing purposely to ignore her reassurance. "Fine. But don't criticise me for a valid question I asked in a class you weren't even a part of. It's none of your business, no one's business for that matter." Blair bit back. "I can do what I want, Blair." "OK. Whatever." Blair brushed past him. Trevor quickly spun around, grabbing her arm. "No, we're not done having this conversation." My stomach twisted. "Let go of my arm, Trevor." Blair tugged, her voice cracking. Trevor did as was told now that the air was thick with tension, "We are not done talking," he stressed. Blair took a step back, "Yeah, we are, actually," and she turned to walk away. "If you walk away right now, we're finished." Trevor threatened. It was as if time was at a standstill, waiting for her reaction. But at the same time, it felt as though time was counting down. Like we were in a competition show. The contestant has to decide before time runs out, while the audience yells, 'DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!' No one was shouting, but you could feel everyone's excitement. Blair's lip curled upwards. "OK. Fine by me." And, finally, she walked off. The people were cooing with excitement again. "Shut up!" Trevor shouted. I grabbed Jujubee by the shoulder and ushered her back. Trevor kicked his locker, the thud echoing through the halls. That was the last straw. Knowing Trevor, he'd take his anger out on us. It was time to flee the scene. It was all Jujubee wanted to talk about for the rest of the day. Now I knew how she felt during my smoke break. But I couldn't blame her. The scene played in my head over and over again, leading to so many questions. Was there more to this breakup? Did he grab Blair like that all the time? What would happen now? Would she find a new guy? A girl, maybe? I came to the conclusion that Blair and Trevor's breakup was neither good nor bad. Bad because, as I said before, now he had more pent up anger from the humiliation of being so publicly dumped. Therefore, Jujubee and I would most likely be subject to more harassment. Good, because maybe Blair did like girls. Maybe there was still some little chance for us to be together. But if we were going to be together, there was one issue; I still had no fucking idea how lesbian sex worked. Cut to later that night, I'm in my room, sitting in front of my computer. I needed to distract myself from my thoughts of the breakup. While the scratchy dial-up tones emitted the machine, I psyched myself up. Even though I knew sex was normal to learn about at that age, it was still daunting. With shaky hands, I searched 'lesbian sex'. And fuck was it a mistake. What I wanted was educational articles, guides, etc. And what I got was porn. I watched all but a few minutes, all the painfully bad acting scenes that took place before the main event. Upon hearing the first moan, I clicked out as fast as I could. Looking behind me, Piggie was just playing with a stuffed animal on my bed. "You saw that, right?" He looked at me with perked ears. I still felt judged, so I opened my bedroom door and let him out. I needed to be exact. 'How do lesbians have sex?' And Brianna Caldwell was never the

same. My mind was opened that night. This was no mistake. This was a surprise. I couldn't look away from the computer screen, no matter how slow the Internet connection was. All of this information was all too much but not enough at the same time. And it made me feel less nauseated than I felt after watching that stupid video in class. And I built up the courage to go back to that porn site. And I watched every damn second. Then I watched another one. And another. And just one more 'cause why the fuck not? My bedroom door opened. "Brianna, I'm ordering - -" "Get out," I shouted, closing the site down like my life depended on it. But she stood there for a few seconds, eyes wide and hand still on the door frame. "Honey, are you - -" "Mom, oh my god. Can you just - -" I couldn't even form a proper sentence. She gave an apologetic look and closed the door. But she remained on the other side. "I just wanted you to know that I'm ordering pizza for Grandpa and me. Do you want some?" My forehead was in my hand now. "Yes." "What kind?" "Just…" I wanted to shout, "Pepperoni." And with that, she left. But that wasn't the end of it. When the food arrived, I waited a few minutes before going downstairs to grab a few slices. Grandpa was in the living room watching an old rerun of The A-Team. But she was there, in the kitchen, as if she was waiting for me. "Honey, look. I know you're getting to that age where you're curious about certain things and - -" "Mom, no. Please, don't do this." I whined. "I know. I know. I just wanted to let you know that this is natural, and…" she continued to deliver the same talk we all got in class. My eyes were wide, face red with humiliation. -_-_-_- 2020 I picked up a slice of pepperoni pizza, instantly reminded of the traumatic event. OK, maybe that was too strong of a word to use. But of course, you are going to dread the thought of that time your parent talked to you about sex. I walked into the living room, pizza slice in hand, trying not to dwell on the memory. "So, Brianna. Any update on the love life?" Tamisha asked. I loved that bitch; being one of Mom's closest friends, she was present for most of my life. But she always had a tendency to ask questions I wasn't up for answering. I took a bite from my pizza and answered with a full mouth, "dry." "Girl, you're almost 40." She continued. I was ready to challenge her because I was actually just 33 when Mom took her turn to speak. "Yeah, get yourself a man and make me a Grandma already." She wasn't serious. She knew I hated these types of talks, but that didn't stop her from encouraging the others. The funny thing about the time she caught me watching porn, she never clocked it was girl on girl. Of all the years I've been on this planet, I hadn't given her a clue that I was a lesbian. Would I ever tell her? I didn't see the point. From previous failed relationships and being too busy with my job, I wouldn't end up with someone anyway. But of course, I'd make an exception for a certain someone. Monét poured the first round of shots. I already knew I'd hate myself the next day. I wasn't drunk already. Just sort of buzzed. But that changed within an hour. I was hammered. Mom, Monét and all her friends were singing all the old songs in the living room. I was out in the kitchen, trying to drink 8 glasses of water. I only managed 3. Piggie ran in and put his paws up on my knee. "There he is. My baby. My fucking son." I slid down to the ground and let him sit in my lap. "How is your night going?" Just great, Brianna! Anyway, how about that Blair girl, huh? Piggie's non-existent voice said. "Oh yeah," my eyes narrowed. I unlocked my phone and opened up Facebook. And I bravely searched up her name. I say bravely because it does take some balls to go and stalk your crushes social media accounts. All it took to fuck everything up was the slip of a finger, and before you know it, you've liked a post or sent a friend request. "Let's do some digging, Piggie." I cuddled him. Immediately, she was the top result, with Jujubee

being the only mutual friend. "Yeah, girl. Infiltration." I commented as I clicked into her profile. And then her profile picture. "Holy shit." She hadn't aged. She still looked as young and radiant as she did back in high school. "What do you think, Piggie?" I showed him the screen. He glanced at it before tucking his head under his arms. The enthusiasm. I rolled my eyes. I looked at her info. 'Single'. Promising. Scrolling down to her timeline, I noticed she didn't post a lot. Fair enough. Facebook was becoming a dead site in recent years. There were just your average Facebook posts, sharing giveaway posts, a post from an old lady saying, 'Blair, this is Granny. Could you go to Walmart and get me some applesauce? Love granny xx', a shared post from a guy called George Miller. And my finger stopped scrolling upon seeing Blair holding a baby. "Oh God, we've encountered our first obstacle, Piggie," I whined. I clicked into the comments. That George Miller guy commented, 'congrats, Blair!' She replied, 'thank you, but she's my cousin's lol'. "Thank you, Jesus." I put my phone down for a moment to put my hand up to the good lord. I scrolled some more, seeing many inspirational quotes, a link to Adore You by Harry Styles. And a picture of her. With that George Miller guy. With his arms around her. Pressing a kiss to her temple. I could feel my heart sink the more I studied it. Yeah, I knew Blair and I were never meant to be anyway. But it was still upsetting. Relax. They could be friends. Yeah, that's right. Friends hold each other and act all affectionate, right?? I cuddle with Jujubee sometimes. That doesn't mean anything. Right? I needed evidence, just anything, to make it not true. I scrolled some more. There was a video, she was sitting on her sofa, with a girl playing the guitar sitting on the other end. "I've been running races on empty, Pour it up 'cause my cup so empty. Gotta make time for the real me. I've been running, I've been running on empty." And my nerves were settled again. I had only heard Blair sing a few times. She and her friends would pretend they were famous singers in early elementary years, and she'd always be the best. Then another time was in high school, at the winter talent show. I specifically remember it being A moment like this by Kelly Clarkson. It was unreal. 'Jujubee 💋💅🏽 is typing…' I clicked into Snapchat before she even had a chance to type the whole message. "Do you remember Jujubee?" I asked Piggie. Again, he was silent. 'I hope you're having fun, babe ❤ lv u'. "Thanks," was all I could manage to type. A shadow cast over me. I looked up to see Monét join me on the ground. "Hey, girl." She greeted me. "Hi, Aunt Monét." I smiled. Piggie hopped off my lap and onto hers. "Aunt Monét? Honey, you haven't called me that since middle school." She smiled. I returned the smile, only mine probably looking goofy. "I'm just wasted." "I noticed. No more shots for you anyway." She noted, taking a drink from her own bottle. "Anyway, how's the project?" "We got fucking Ed Sheeran involved." I then cursed myself internally for bringing it up. "I heard. Your Mom was telling me. Ugh, girl, why him? Why not someone like…" she paused to think, "like Beyonce. Or Lady Gaga." "OK, man-hater." I quipped, reaching over to pet Piggie. "Not true. Not all men are bad." Monét pointed out. "Speaking of which, when are you getting yourself one?" I could have given her the usual 'I don't have time for men's talk. But the alcohol said no. "Monét, I like girls." And I felt no shame in saying it. A moment of silence fell between us before she asked, "for real?" "Yeah." I nodded. "Does anyone else know?" "Yeah. Juju. And Piggie probably." I replied, leaving one more name out for the sole purpose I didn't want to get into that. "And Mom?" "Nope." She nodded. "I guess this is one of these aunty-niece confidentiality things?" "Uh-huh." I smiled. Bless Aunt Monét. "Well, no matter who you live, we still love you." She laughed for a moment before taking another drink. I knew

she was right. Maybe coming out to Mom wasn't such a bad idea. "You know what, Brianna?" She paused, "Grandpa would be so proud of you, right?" My smile slowly began to drop. Fuck, the touchy subject. "Oh, I...thanks." I thought the change in my mood was hard to miss, but Monét clearly had. "You and I ain't ever talked about him since...you know." "OK," I said quietly, feeling like my chest was a fist, beginning to clench tighter and tighter. "And sometimes, it's just good to look back on - -" "I gotta go." I quickly stood up, feeling the dark fog already come over me. I rushed from the room, my aunty calling my name and apologising. I avoided going into the living room, rushing up the stairs and racing for the bathroom. As soon as the door was locked, I let myself crumble, my face hidden beneath shaking hands, a cry clogged in my throat just begging to belt out. Mom would definitely hear it. I wasn't going to ruin her day. Absolutely not. Tags: rpdr fanfiction // s10 // as5 // miz cracker // jujubee // blair st clair // blair x cracker // denali foxx // rose // fluff // coming of age // hurt/comfort // lesbian au // highschool au // grinder // tw grief // tw homophobia [Cover image here] AN: Hey, guys! I hope yall are enjoying this fic so far! Throw me a like please if you do. TW for this chapter: Grief // Homophobia [read more] 2003 High School. The bane of my existence. Just as I thought elementary and middle school were terrible, High School really was something else. From my childhood therapy sessions, I learned to conceal my anger, avoid freakouts, and channel my emotions into other things. It was good for me, yeah. But it also made me a more reserved person. Things still made me angry, the other kids at school being a primary key to that. But I never defended myself. Ever. Of course, Jujubee always had my back. Only in later years did I learn to appreciate the times she'd yell at the other kids, telling them to fuck off and whatnot. But back then, I wished she hadn't. It only drew more negative attention. All I wanted was to get through those tough years. I would come home a lot, look at pictures of myself as a child. And I'd be so mad because only then did I see that I wasn't an ugly kid. I was adorable. But, God clearly had favourites 'cause puberty did not do me any favours. If only I had grown up in a more modern time when no one gave a shit about looks. When people were outspoken about the cruelty that came with shaming someone for their looks. When people were more aware of the psychological damage that could do. Again, God had favourites. From years of my eyesight getting worse and needing a new pair of glasses every time I went to the eye doctor, I had thick-rimmed frames that made me look straight out of the 70s. And the lenses made my eyes look huge. I looked like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. My hair was bigger but full of split ends due to lack of giving a shit about it. I begged Mom to let me bleach it blonde. She always straight up refused. I had braces for a whole year which, yeah, many people had braces, but one time while answering a question in class, I drooled. And no one let me hear the end of it. And makeup wasn't something I really fucked with. I tried it once, safe and sound in my own bedroom, and it looked woeful. Instead of working to get better, I accepted defeat in that I would always be ugly. "I'm serious, girl. The foundation was so bad. And it was too dark." I ranted to Jujubee as we headed to the bus stop. I was trying to smoke my cigarette as fast as I could before getting there. Mom never knew, and what she didn't know couldn't kill her. Of course, I didn't just go into the store and buy them myself. Instead, I took one a day from my Grandpa's supply. "Girl, you gotta test it first." She pointed out, adjusting her bag straps. "Juju, I got the lightest colour they had. I don't fucking get it. Every other girl in the school uses it. Maybelline shouldn't sell this shit." "You just need to find a different brand." She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me

closer, "OK, don't tell my Mom, but I tried some of her MAC shit the other day, and my skin looked fucking flawless." She let me go, took my cigarette from me, taking a toke herself. "Well, how am I supposed to get my hands on that?" I took the cig back. "I don't see any MAC stores around here." "Oh, yeah? Well, you know what your Other World self would do?" Jujubee's brow raised, a sweet grin appearing on her mischievous face. "She would say fuck school, hop on the next bus to Cleveland and go straight to the MAC store." Blowing out some smoke, I looked at her, "Well, Other World you wouldn't be encouraging that sort of behaviour." "No, she wouldn't 'cause she'd be the first on the bus." Jujubee countered. "And she'd start the sing-song." "Yeah, well other world me would out-sing you 'cause she's a star. She's a fucking diva, bitch. Mariah Carey has nothing on her." We were too caught up in our fantasy world; we almost missed the vehicle driving past us. Only when we saw the cackling faces of the boys at the back of the bus did realisation take over. We were going to miss the bus. "Fuck." I uttered, watching the guys still flipping us off as they moved further and further away. To make matters worse, a car pulled up beside us. And of fucking course, it was Trevor Preston, the Captain of the football team. His two sidekicks were in the back seat, Logan and Noah. "Aw, look, guys. The geeks just missed the bus." Trevor fake whined. In these situations, I just shut down. I thought it was for the best at the time, but fuck, if I could go back and punch that guy. "You know what? Why don't you mind your own fucking business, Trevor?" Jujubee squinted her eyes at him. “Wow, little fiesty, Juju.” He continued, "How about this? We all say sorry, and we can both ride with us to school." 'Hell fucking no.' I thought. "Oh yeah? And what's the catch?" Jujubee raised a brow. "You let me feel your tits," Trevor smirked, his two cronies snickered. "Ah, there it is. I thought that was what your pea-sized brain would come up with." Jujubee nodded her head. "So, hey, Brianna," Trevor shifted his attention, "You're awfully quiet. Don't I at least get a hello?" I was still frozen, feeling my anxiety brewing within. "Dude, don't be so sensitive. You know, if she opens her mouth, she'll just drool all over herself." Logan added, the three axe wounds beginning to snicker again. I felt like I should have at least opened my mouth to prove them wrong, or maybe spit on Trevor's car. But still, I just stood there. "Trevor, if you don't fuck off right now, I'm gonna key your car." Jujubee threatened. "Juju." I tried to stop her. "Wouldn't even have the chance, sweetheart. Either of you bitches come near my car; you'll never walk the halls again." How gentleman-like, threatening two girls. Funny how our safety was the price to pay for a car. Oh, men. "Keep that in mind," Trevor concluded before driving away with dumb and dumber. "You didn't have to do that." I looked at Jujubee. "I'm sorry they're such assholes." She replied, taking my hand in hers. I shook it off, however. "No, I mean, I wish you wouldn't do that." Jujubee crossed her brows, "what? So I'm supposed to sit there and just take it? No fucking way." "I know. But," I paused, "they kinda scare me. You know?" "Brie, there's nothing more pathetic than a man sweating over the safety of his ride." She retook my hand, "Don't be afraid of a cunt like him." "I mean, I can try not to. But I can't make any promises." I shrugged. "Anyway, what's the plan? How are we supposed to get there on time?" Jujubee was silent for a moment before replying with, "my Mom?" Her Mom did end up giving us a ride, much to my dismay. I would have preferred to take the day off. Or better yet, to just fucking drop out altogether. But Jujubee was always there to reassure me - I adored that bitch. I would have fucking taken a bullet for her. I would like to say that it wasn't just Jujubee and me, that we had a group of more friends. But these guys, I never really counted them as

friends. A year prior, we both decided to try and improve our social lives by joining a club. The only one that would accept us was the chess club. Every other member was a guy, and they were nerds. Not that Jujubee and I minded. However, the problem was that they only let us in because...well, do I even need to explain? "So, Brianna," Jimmy decided to approach me at the end of one session, licking his hand and sweeping his hair from his face. "Because I beat you twice today, what do I get?" "...Excuse me?" "My prize. What do I get??" He put an arm around my shoulders. I was puzzled, "Uh, you can have my chicken nuggets at lunch." His grin was beginning to disappear. "Oh, I was thinking of something else. A kiss, maybe?" I felt bad for doing it, but my fight or flight response told me to just run from the room. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but these guys were just on another level of thirst. And it wasn't just me who they flirted with. Jujubee had informed me of a time Arnold convinced her to make out with him. She was all for it until she realised how awful of a kisser he was. And as the boys became more desperate, we decided that we were better off alone. Again, I was so grateful for Jujubee. I was surprised she stuck around, considering she had seen me at my worst when we were still so young. How the fuck had she not developed issues of her own? Jujubee was the number one reason I even found the strength to just get up in the morning, drag my ass to school, and do my work - Well, aside from wanting to get good grades so I could go to a good college. The second reason? Blair. Unlike me, she was thriving. Our lives were totally cliche - me being the kid who grew up to be the nerd who only speaks when it's to answer a question. And Blair, growing up to be the head cheerleader. And I was still very much in love with her. What a fucking cliche. I avoided Blair at all costs for several reasons;

differing social circles (in my case, lack of),

her boyfriend, who was the Captain of the soccer team and wasn't shy about giving me and Jujubee grief,

her friends,

and, of course, my massive crush on her.

So, why was Blair the second reason as to why I dragged myself to school? Her smile. That was enough. As much as I tried to avoid her, the world decided to do a big "fuck you" on me and sometimes put us into situations together. And every time, I'd be internally freaking out. The worst was when we were both 16. It was that time of the year when the school would invite someone to subject us to the most humiliating moment of our lives. How the fuck were you supposed to put a condom on a banana without bursting out laughing? How the fuck were you supposed to sit there and keep a straight face when the educator used words like 'flaps'? We filed into the class, Jujubee and me taking seats at the back of the room. We knew this was going to be hilarious, so best to avoid the attention of the teacher. "Juju, I know you are dying to make jokes during this, but I'm begging you. Please don't." I spoke quietly to her as other students filed in. "But you know I'm going to, right?" Jujubee smirked, putting her bag on the ground. "No. We wanna keep a low profile. If we laugh, we draw attention, and then we risk being singled out. You know? We'll be at the front of the class demonstrating whatever this bitch asks us." Obviously, I was referring to putting condoms on bananas and the like. Juju, however, raised a brow, "I wouldn't mind that, babe. Don't worry. We won't need to take our clothes off." I stared at her for a few seconds, unable to think of how to respond to that. Jujubee winked, and I forced myself to look away. "That's not what I meant." Blair strolled in with Denali and Rosé, already I could feel my stomach knotting. They went to sit together somewhere in the middle. "Ugh, nope. I don't think so, ladies." Ah, Miss Jaida Hall, if only I could have warned you not to say what you were about to say. Somehow Blair and the two others knew she was speaking to them. She continued, "This is an important class, and I'm not gonna have you all laughing and snickering during it." She had a point. The three girls usually whispered to each other in class, giggling about all sorts of shit. It was never anything malicious about the lesson or teachers, just inside jokes with each other, pretty harmless stuff. But it pissed the teachers off so much. "You can't be serious, right?" Denali replied, clearly scandalised. "Very serious, actually." Ms Hall nodded, "Denali, sit with Brian. Rosé, with Gigi. Blair, with Brianna." I grabbed Jujubee by the wrist, the pressure making her squeak. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. Blair was not rolling her eyes as she made her way to the back towards me. This was not fucking happening. As instructed, Jujubee stood up and let Blair sit down, moving to sit somewhere else. I was alone with the one person I tried my hardest to avoid. She slouched down in her chair, arms folded like she was already over it. I wanted so badly to ask if she was OK. But I couldn't bring myself to. And as the lights turned off and the sex-ed lady pressed play on the video player, I wished I had said something. As the way too enthusiastic narrator explained step by step the act of sexual intercourse, I tried hiding the blush on my face with my hair. I tried so hard to focus on what I was being taught. The truth was, I was still a virgin, as were many of the others in the room, I'm sure. But unlike them, I had no idea how sex worked. It wasn't something I ever gave time to think about. I felt a tapping on my hand. My body tensed as I glanced to the side. Blair was looking at the screen, then at me, then her fingers brushed against my hand. I stared back, unsure of what was happening but also knowing full well what she was doing. She leaned closer and pressed her lips on mine. … OK, that's not what happened. Life wasn't a movie. This was the beginning of the fantasies. Was I ashamed because I was thinking about Blair like that? Or was I ashamed that I enjoyed thinking of Blair like that? "This is ridiculous," Blair whispered. Was I supposed to say something back? "What do you mean?" I

whispered back. "Do they actually think we're that dumb? We all know how sex works. We don't need this stupid class." Blair rolled her eyes. I almost told her that I belonged to the small percentage that didn't know. But I stopped myself. I couldn't bear her knowing that information. Instead, I went with the awkward, "haha. Yeaaahhhh…" For the rest of the film, we sat in silence. Still trying to focus on the screen. Not the absolute stunner sitting next to me. And as if by magic, the video ended. I wanted to say I was relieved, but I couldn't lie; what I learned from the film left me nauseous. He puts his hoo-ha in her what, now?? "Well, that was really cool and hip, right?" The educator enthused. I cringed internally. No woman wearing a crucifix necklace and ankle-length skirt has the right to use words like 'cool' and 'hip'. "I know it's probably all so confusing. So that's why I'm here to answer any of your questions, dudes and dudettes." Already, one of the boys put a hand up. "Go ahead, homie." "What about the other hole?" He said with a straight face before his friends started laughing. He laughed back as he fired one of them. "You know. The back door?" Ms Hall shot him the 'look'. He was toast. The sex educator fixed her hair quite uncomfortable, "Well, there's a reason that is an out hole, young man. I warn all of you, do not go down that road. You will get aids and die. Now, does anybody else have a question?" The educator rambled, fixing her hair awkwardly. I heard the rustling of clothes beside me, and glancing around, Blair had her hand straight up in the air. "Yes, sweetheart?" Sex Ed lady pointed to her. "OK, so this is interesting and all, but I was just wondering, what about non-heterosexual sex?" Her brows knit for a moment. I looked around at her now. The breath caught in my throat. "I'm sorry?" Sex Ed lady asked. "You know. Man on man. Girl on girl. What about all of that?" Blair raised a brow. "I mean, you gotta know there's more than just heterosexual people out there. Maybe some even in this room right now." "Blair." Ms Hall began. "Because, if you disagree, then that's ridiculous. Oh, and if you think aids is some kind of death sentence, then you seriously need to educate yourself." Sex ed lady looked appalled, her Christian beliefs quite clearly threatened. "That's it. Get out." Ms Hall stood up. Blair huffed, pushing her seat back, lifted her bag and left the room, Ms Hall following behind. "OK. So, any other questions? Reasonable questions only, please." Jujubee was looking over her shoulder at me now, sharing the same expression I did. Thank God for lunch next period. Jujubee and I were hiding at the back of the school, in an alley between the building itself and the old workshops. The perfect hiding place for a smoke and to freak the fuck out about specific events. "Juju, she knows. She knows I'm a lesbian. She knows I like her." I paced. "I'm moving. That's it." I stopped. "But why would she speak up for me of all people? It doesn't make sense." My eyes widened. "Unless she's also a lesbian. I mean, that makes sense, right?" Jujubee had been sitting on the wall, patiently listening to my manic ramblings. The first few minutes, she was just as astounded. But the more I theorised, rambling on and on, she was over it. "I highly doubt that considering the boyfriend." "Then she must know. Why else would she say it? I highly doubt there are other gays in that class. Speaking of which, I had no idea lesbians could have sex like; how does that work. I'm gonna look into that somehow. But getting back to the point, if she did know, why would she speak out for me of all people?" My ramblings were non-stop. I tried my best to avoid Blair for the rest of the day, not that I could, considering we were both in the same last period. Blair's outburst was the talk of the school. I wasn't sure if it was a positive response or not. The only thing I did know was Trevor was pissed. "Brie, look." Jujubee tapped me. I turned from my locker and looked where everyone else seemed to be

looking. Just down the corridor, Trevor was standing over Blair, their conversation clearly heated. People were shamelessly moving closer, Jujubee following in their path. "Juju, don't," I whispered. But she didn't listen. I went after her as if it would stop her. "Trevor, this isn't that big of a deal," Blair said. "Not a big deal? Blair, do you know what the guys are saying? They think you're gonna dump me for a girl. Do you know how humiliating that is?" Trevor held a hand to his chest "And what if I did?" Blair challenged. The few people standing around cooed with excitement. "Oh, please. Don't get all cocky now that you have an audience." Trevor pointed. But Blair took a step closer to him. "What, 'cause you know you're the one who looks like an idiot? Maybe if you weren't so insecure, you'd know I would never do that to you." "Don't call me an idiot." Trevor lowered his tone, choosing purposely to ignore her reassurance. "Fine. But don't criticise me for a valid question I asked in a class you weren't even a part of. It's none of your business, no one's business for that matter." Blair bit back. "I can do what I want, Blair." "OK. Whatever." Blair brushed past him. Trevor quickly spun around, grabbing her arm. "No, we're not done having this conversation." My stomach twisted. "Let go of my arm, Trevor." Blair tugged, her voice cracking. Trevor did as was told now that the air was thick with tension, "We are not done talking," he stressed. Blair took a step back, "Yeah, we are, actually," and she turned to walk away. "If you walk away right now, we're finished." Trevor threatened. It was as if time was at a standstill, waiting for her reaction. But at the same time, it felt as though time was counting down. Like we were in a competition show. The contestant has to decide before time runs out, while the audience yells, 'DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!' No one was shouting, but you could feel everyone's excitement. Blair's lip curled upwards. "OK. Fine by me." And, finally, she walked off. The people were cooing with excitement again. "Shut up!" Trevor shouted. I grabbed Jujubee by the shoulder and ushered her back. Trevor kicked his locker, the thud echoing through the halls. That was the last straw. Knowing Trevor, he'd take his anger out on us. It was time to flee the scene. It was all Jujubee wanted to talk about for the rest of the day. Now I knew how she felt during my smoke break. But I couldn't blame her. The scene played in my head over and over again, leading to so many questions. Was there more to this breakup? Did he grab Blair like that all the time? What would happen now? Would she find a new guy? A girl, maybe? I came to the conclusion that Blair and Trevor's breakup was neither good nor bad. Bad because, as I said before, now he had more pent up anger from the humiliation of being so publicly dumped. Therefore, Jujubee and I would most likely be subject to more harassment. Good, because maybe Blair did like girls. Maybe there was still some little chance for us to be together. But if we were going to be together, there was one issue; I still had no fucking idea how lesbian sex worked. Cut to later that night, I'm in my room, sitting in front of my computer. I needed to distract myself from my thoughts of the breakup. While the scratchy dial-up tones emitted the machine, I psyched myself up. Even though I knew sex was normal to learn about at that age, it was still daunting. With shaky hands, I searched 'lesbian sex'. And fuck was it a mistake. What I wanted was educational articles, guides, etc. And what I got was porn. I watched all but a few minutes, all the painfully bad acting scenes that took place before the main event. Upon hearing the first moan, I clicked out as fast as I could. Looking behind me, Piggie was just playing with a stuffed animal on my bed. "You saw that, right?" He looked at me with perked ears. I still felt judged, so I opened my bedroom door and let him out. I needed to be exact. 'How do lesbians have sex?' And Brianna Caldwell was never the

same. My mind was opened that night. This was no mistake. This was a surprise. I couldn't look away from the computer screen, no matter how slow the Internet connection was. All of this information was all too much but not enough at the same time. And it made me feel less nauseated than I felt after watching that stupid video in class. And I built up the courage to go back to that porn site. And I watched every damn second. Then I watched another one. And another. And just one more 'cause why the fuck not? My bedroom door opened. "Brianna, I'm ordering - -" "Get out," I shouted, closing the site down like my life depended on it. But she stood there for a few seconds, eyes wide and hand still on the door frame. "Honey, are you - -" "Mom, oh my god. Can you just - -" I couldn't even form a proper sentence. She gave an apologetic look and closed the door. But she remained on the other side. "I just wanted you to know that I'm ordering pizza for Grandpa and me. Do you want some?" My forehead was in my hand now. "Yes." "What kind?" "Just…" I wanted to shout, "Pepperoni." And with that, she left. But that wasn't the end of it. When the food arrived, I waited a few minutes before going downstairs to grab a few slices. Grandpa was in the living room watching an old rerun of The A-Team. But she was there, in the kitchen, as if she was waiting for me. "Honey, look. I know you're getting to that age where you're curious about certain things and - -" "Mom, no. Please, don't do this." I whined. "I know. I know. I just wanted to let you know that this is natural, and…" she continued to deliver the same talk we all got in class. My eyes were wide, face red with humiliation. -_-_-_- 2020 I picked up a slice of pepperoni pizza, instantly reminded of the traumatic event. OK, maybe that was too strong of a word to use. But of course, you are going to dread the thought of that time your parent talked to you about sex. I walked into the living room, pizza slice in hand, trying not to dwell on the memory. "So, Brianna. Any update on the love life?" Tamisha asked. I loved that bitch; being one of Mom's closest friends, she was present for most of my life. But she always had a tendency to ask questions I wasn't up for answering. I took a bite from my pizza and answered with a full mouth, "dry." "Girl, you're almost 40." She continued. I was ready to challenge her because I was actually just 33 when Mom took her turn to speak. "Yeah, get yourself a man and make me a Grandma already." She wasn't serious. She knew I hated these types of talks, but that didn't stop her from encouraging the others. The funny thing about the time she caught me watching porn, she never clocked it was girl on girl. Of all the years I've been on this planet, I hadn't given her a clue that I was a lesbian. Would I ever tell her? I didn't see the point. From previous failed relationships and being too busy with my job, I wouldn't end up with someone anyway. But of course, I'd make an exception for a certain someone. Monét poured the first round of shots. I already knew I'd hate myself the next day. I wasn't drunk already. Just sort of buzzed. But that changed within an hour. I was hammered. Mom, Monét and all her friends were singing all the old songs in the living room. I was out in the kitchen, trying to drink 8 glasses of water. I only managed 3. Piggie ran in and put his paws up on my knee. "There he is. My baby. My fucking son." I slid down to the ground and let him sit in my lap. "How is your night going?" Just great, Brianna! Anyway, how about that Blair girl, huh? Piggie's non-existent voice said. "Oh yeah," my eyes narrowed. I unlocked my phone and opened up Facebook. And I bravely searched up her name. I say bravely because it does take some balls to go and stalk your crushes social media accounts. All it took to fuck everything up was the slip of a finger, and before you know it, you've liked a post or sent a friend request. "Let's do some digging, Piggie." I cuddled him. Immediately, she was the top result, with Jujubee

being the only mutual friend. "Yeah, girl. Infiltration." I commented as I clicked into her profile. And then her profile picture. "Holy shit." She hadn't aged. She still looked as young and radiant as she did back in high school. "What do you think, Piggie?" I showed him the screen. He glanced at it before tucking his head under his arms. The enthusiasm. I rolled my eyes. I looked at her info. 'Single'. Promising. Scrolling down to her timeline, I noticed she didn't post a lot. Fair enough. Facebook was becoming a dead site in recent years. There were just your average Facebook posts, sharing giveaway posts, a post from an old lady saying, 'Blair, this is Granny. Could you go to Walmart and get me some applesauce? Love granny xx', a shared post from a guy called George Miller. And my finger stopped scrolling upon seeing Blair holding a baby. "Oh God, we've encountered our first obstacle, Piggie," I whined. I clicked into the comments. That George Miller guy commented, 'congrats, Blair!' She replied, 'thank you, but she's my cousin's lol'. "Thank you, Jesus." I put my phone down for a moment to put my hand up to the good lord. I scrolled some more, seeing many inspirational quotes, a link to Adore You by Harry Styles. And a picture of her. With that George Miller guy. With his arms around her. Pressing a kiss to her temple. I could feel my heart sink the more I studied it. Yeah, I knew Blair and I were never meant to be anyway. But it was still upsetting. Relax. They could be friends. Yeah, that's right. Friends hold each other and act all affectionate, right?? I cuddle with Jujubee sometimes. That doesn't mean anything. Right? I needed evidence, just anything, to make it not true. I scrolled some more. There was a video, she was sitting on her sofa, with a girl playing the guitar sitting on the other end. "I've been running races on empty, Pour it up 'cause my cup so empty. Gotta make time for the real me. I've been running, I've been running on empty." And my nerves were settled again. I had only heard Blair sing a few times. She and her friends would pretend they were famous singers in early elementary years, and she'd always be the best. Then another time was in high school, at the winter talent show. I specifically remember it being A moment like this by Kelly Clarkson. It was unreal. 'Jujubee 💋💅🏽 is typing…' I clicked into Snapchat before she even had a chance to type the whole message. "Do you remember Jujubee?" I asked Piggie. Again, he was silent. 'I hope you're having fun, babe ❤ lv u'. "Thanks," was all I could manage to type. A shadow cast over me. I looked up to see Monét join me on the ground. "Hey, girl." She greeted me. "Hi, Aunt Monét." I smiled. Piggie hopped off my lap and onto hers. "Aunt Monét? Honey, you haven't called me that since middle school." She smiled. I returned the smile, only mine probably looking goofy. "I'm just wasted." "I noticed. No more shots for you anyway." She noted, taking a drink from her own bottle. "Anyway, how's the project?" "We got fucking Ed Sheeran involved." I then cursed myself internally for bringing it up. "I heard. Your Mom was telling me. Ugh, girl, why him? Why not someone like…" she paused to think, "like Beyonce. Or Lady Gaga." "OK, man-hater." I quipped, reaching over to pet Piggie. "Not true. Not all men are bad." Monét pointed out. "Speaking of which, when are you getting yourself one?" I could have given her the usual 'I don't have time for men's talk. But the alcohol said no. "Monét, I like girls." And I felt no shame in saying it. A moment of silence fell between us before she asked, "for real?" "Yeah." I nodded. "Does anyone else know?" "Yeah. Juju. And Piggie probably." I replied, leaving one more name out for the sole purpose I didn't want to get into that. "And Mom?" "Nope." She nodded. "I guess this is one of these aunty-niece confidentiality things?" "Uh-huh." I smiled. Bless Aunt Monét. "Well, no matter who you live, we still love you." She laughed for a moment before taking another drink. I knew

she was right. Maybe coming out to Mom wasn't such a bad idea. "You know what, Brianna?" She paused, "Grandpa would be so proud of you, right?" My smile slowly began to drop. Fuck, the touchy subject. "Oh, I...thanks." I thought the change in my mood was hard to miss, but Monét clearly had. "You and I ain't ever talked about him since...you know." "OK," I said quietly, feeling like my chest was a fist, beginning to clench tighter and tighter. "And sometimes, it's just good to look back on - -" "I gotta go." I quickly stood up, feeling the dark fog already come over me. I rushed from the room, my aunty calling my name and apologising. I avoided going into the living room, rushing up the stairs and racing for the bathroom. As soon as the door was locked, I let myself crumble, my face hidden beneath shaking hands, a cry clogged in my throat just begging to belt out. Mom would definitely hear it. I wasn't going to ruin her day. Absolutely not.

[talesofphantombandits]

Zero to Six ~ Chapter Seven

Hello my dudes, I want to start off by saying am sorry you’ve had to wait. Just know that am glad I waited because am actually really happy how this turned out and where am going to take it. Am so excited to write the next bit. Remember if you want to be tagged let me know <3

Warnings: Swearing. 

Tags:  @i-am-sarah , @whothefuckstolemykeds , @drowsyrrog , @culturefiendtrashqueen , @rogue-barnes-16--main-account​ , @alliwantfromyouistomakelovetome​ , @valerie-weasley​ , @sueeatstheworld​ , @bleona2808​ , @pippin248​ , @myfatbottomedgirls​ , @httpfandxms​ , @cooliosmosh​ , @speckles-s​ , @walking-disgrace​ , @itsmeaudrieee​ , @fight-the-freaking-fairies​ , @irrelevant-pumpkin​ 

Gif credit: warriorteam1924

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“Will it work?”

“Do you have that little faith in me?” I said half paying attention to One, half trying to cross wires that connected the buildings systems.

I was crouched down outside the massive tower block in Tokyo, I’d managed to opened the electrical box to fiddle with the wires that controlled the security systems. Easy enough to break yet a little bit more complicated to fix which would make me look busy when I was feeding the guys information.

“Done.”

“She’s amazing.” I heard Four say a little dazed.

“No flirting, it’s go time.” I just laughed at Ones stern fatherly tone, if you could call it that.

I stood up closing the box again, shutting the gate to the metal cage as I entered into the alley way. When I rounded the front of the building, Five was getting out of the car. I mused at her bright green dress, then frowned down at my electrician uniform.

"Next time I get to dress up fancy." I mumbled to myself

I winked at her then walked through the front entrance.

There stood a tall Japanese guy in what looked like a security uniform. Bingo.

“Hey, am here to fix the security systems that are down.” I told the guard, hoping to god he spoke English. But judging by his employer he would, I held up my fake Id, which he obviously thought was the real deal.

“They are?” He said confused.

"Yah, why would I be here otherwise?" He just shrugged and led me to the back room.

He sat down in front of the monitors, clicking the mouse a few times.

"So they are." He got up offering me the chair.

“Thanks.” He walk round to the back of my chair and proceeded to looking over my shoulder.

“You afraid?” I heard One say to Four over coms.

“Nope.”

“Good luck.”

“Saying good luck is bad luck.” Four sassed back.

“I take it back.”

“Taking it back is even worse luck!”

I went to giggle but then remembered where I was.

“Erm it’s gonna take a while so you can go back to work.” I turned to the security guard giving him my sweetest smile.

“Sure, just shout if you need anything.” With that he took his leave shutting the door softly.

I turned back to the monitors fiddling for about 5 minutes with the wires then flipped a red switch. The screens jumped back into life.

“Kay we’re all set here guys, Five make your move.”

I looked towards the top camera that was placed outside of the building to see the grey sports car skid into view, stopping just short in front of the valet. As One moved the crane into place so Seven would be able to get a clean shot inside the apartment, Three was revving the car outside to make a grand entrance.

“The eagle has landed, love that movie line.” Seven announced.

This was it, it was either going to all go smoothly or it was going to be a disaster. I closed my eyes saying a short prayer that everyone would come out of this mission safely.

As I opened my eyes I saw Five get up from her seat, pulling the plug out of the laughing gas canasta then threw it onto the floor so the smoke could spread.

It billowed out as people tried to frantically cover their mouths but it would do no good.

“One, the laughing gas is working.” Two said.

Suddenly the door flew open, I saw the security guard reaching for the phone.

“Oh no you don’t.” By the time I’d reached him and knocked him unconscious the button had been pressed.

“Shit One the police have been called, we have thirteen minutes.”

“The zip line is secure.” Five breathed through the mic, well at least something was going well.

I sat there monitoring everything while listening to the conversation coming from the rooftop. To say I was anxious was an understatement, this could go sideways and fast.

Two and Three finally entered the lift to go up to the apartment.

“Underwater, thirty seconds.” I heard Seven say, knowing he was talking about Four.

My anxiety peaked, there were most definitely guards stalking around him causing him to get into the pool, to go under the water to avoid been seen. But that also meant that he might have to stay hidden for as long as possible.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, frustrated that I couldn’t see what was happening up there. All I could do was wait for the instructions that Seven was giving out.

“Freeze Four he’s above you.” I in turn froze, getting a little breathless.

“60 seconds, One he’s going to drown.” I gasped, lunging forward getting ready to run up there myself but stopping short for I knew it wouldn’t help the situation.

I took a deep breath and sat back down again.

“I’ve got 4 guys up top, want me to drop them.”

Yes I murmured to myself quietly enough that it wouldn’t be picked up on coms.

“No, we’ll be comprised.” One said in heavy puffs.

I wanted to give some encouragement but I also didn’t want to interrupt Sevens instructions so I kept myself silent. Instead focusing on the pain of my nails biting into my hand that I was clenching way too tight.

“He’s been under 1:20, he’s going to drown!” Seven said in a more pleading tone.

I had to stand up again, this was getting way too much. I started to pace the little room trying to focus on my own breathing.

“Four move right.” Seven said a little more sure of himself.

I moved to lean down with my palms flat on the freezing cold desk just in front of the monitors.

“In coming round.” What was Seven going to do?

I heard a shot go off, then it clicked. He must have shot a tiny hole in the glass at the front of the pool to make a little air pocket. I let out the breath I didn’t even know I was holding, closing my eyes for a bit.

Once I felt myself again, I sat down and started to do what I was here for. Monitoring the outside camera to warn the others when the police were arriving.

Two and Three decided to have a moment in the lift, or rather should I say Three decided to be an idiot. I loved Three to death but he was even starting to get on my nerves, no doubt One would rip into him later about almost jeopardising the mission by losing one of the seals on his mask and there for becoming high on laughing gas.

“How you doing over there? Having fun yet.”

“Anyone ask you dumb questions when you’re 90 stories up.” One and Four were really going at it tonight.

“No need to climb angry.”

“Yeah well if you’d stop teasing him.” I mused.

“Mate you’re really ruining my flow right now you know that, and thank you Zero. Normally you’re the one annoying me.” I could hear the smirk.

“I mean I could start being an ass to you if you like?” I scoffed.

“No. No more flirting tonight, just get those devices in place.” One said

“Hey, have you ever been to an American movie theatre, between 1983 and 2015.” One decided to ask such a random ass question.

“No I just pirate them on my phone. Actually Zero I was thinking, when we get back to the hotel. IF we get back safely tonight I was wondering if you wanted to watch one with me.”

There was silence for a second while I tried to compute what he’d said to me.

“You’re really asking me this now? Four you just said it yourself. You’re 90 stories up and you’re asking me out?” I said In disbelief.

“I asked you to watch a movie with me to distress after the mission, but if you want I can make a move on you tonight as well.” He laughed smugly.

“1 that’s a ass hole move pirating, and 2 no one will be making any moves on anyone tonight. I already have enough to worry about with Two and Three fucking.” One said sternly.

“Now concentrate! Get ready to pull that trigger Seven.”

“Till my fingers hurts.” Seven announced.

Just then a loud screeching noise started up slowly, gradually building while the vibrations shock the whole tower. A feign voice started coming over the phone in the security room, probably someone upstairs trying to get a man to turn off the music.

“No can do big boy.” I said to myself without bothering to answer it.

I watched as Two and Three entered the top level, positing themselves to start shooting.

“Hit it, now.” And so it began.

It was constant shots ringing out over coms, part of me wished I could be up there with them. But I knew One would crucify me if I got in the middle of it.

“One, Fours got the target.” Few okay half way there.

“Four move.” Seven said.

“Got the target, moving out.” Four declared.

I started to get more anxious the more the silence went on, I’d never realised how nerve racking it would be to be on field. But honestly I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

“OUCH.” I heard Three exclaim.

“Three speak to me what happened?!” I said panicked.

Looking at the monitor to my left to see Three laying on the floor.

“Please tell me I did not just kill three.” Seven said

“Seven what the hell.” What was he playing at.

“The hell you picking up a bad guys gun for Three?!” Seven said angrily.

Idiots. Am surrounded by absolute idiots.

“Am so mad at everyone right now.” Two spoke.

“You and me both Two, you and me both.” I chimed in.

“What’s new I like you mad.” Shut up One that’s going to make her more angry.

I suddenly monitored more and more men exiting the elevator, where the hell were they all coming from? I saw no indicators of where, or how these men were getting here so fast.

“One minute left guys, make it count.” I informed them.

I saw Five move through the lobby to the main entrance, this was my chance to leave as well. But a niggling feel ticked at the back of my head, I couldn’t just leave.

Not when I could have been of use to everyone upstairs, so I decided to risk it and hang back a little longer.

“Two, Three clear up the stairs.” I heard seven said in amidst a load of gunfire.

Just then I heard the sirens, standing I saw the police cars stationing themselves outside. “Shit.”

I ran out to the lobby, I could either go outside and wait with Five for the others to arrive back at the car or I could go upstairs to help.

“Screw it.” I picked up the guys arm who was still lying at the bottom of the elevator and pressed his finger into the button.

“Zero were are you?” Five said frantically.

“What do you mean where is she, she’s supposed to be with you?!” One shouted.

“I thought she was right behind me, but am at the car and she isn’t here.”

I got my gun out of it’s holster, checking it was loaded, the safety was off. “Chill guys am in the elevator, am coming up to help. You’re out numbered.”

“NO.” Four Said firmly. “One stop her.”

“Zero you get your ass back down and out of this building right now.” One sounded angry.

“Listen if I go down now I’ll be arrested, so what am going to do. Instead I can be useful and come up to help you guys.” I said a bit too calmly.

“I don’t care if you get arrested, at least you won’t be dead. Which is what you’ll be if you come up here.”

I just laughed at one. “You’re not my dad one, besides. I can handle myself.”

Just then the doors to the elevator opened.

Chapter Eight

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers II (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: Loving this thing already, seriously hoping to keep the constant of posting two chapters every week lmao

Words: 2,766

Warnings: Swearing ig

Previous Chapter // Next chapter

Of course. Of course, it was this guy.

Eli fucking Cardashyan, or as I liked to call him, the goblin under the bridge that always copied my answers on every test since we were thirteen. Just like Josh, Angelica and Wesley, I knew Eli from a while back. He wasn’t exactly popular but everyone knew him as the school’s “wanna-be”, I thought he would be dead by now, I’m glad to see I was wrong.

But I can’t believe he’s got the mall for himself. Even worse, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. The mall was neutral territory, everyone could go and hang out with their friends, so the most logical thing is to say everyone had the same right over it. And is Eli Cardashyan the one who gets to have it all for himself? I call bullshit. This kind of situation is what leads me to believe that there is really no god.

“This is who we’ve been scared of?” Angelica complains, “A light breeze could kick his ass!”

“I thought it was gonna be Hoyles,” Wesley adds in a mix of disbelief and disappointment, “this is... Who is this again?”

“It’s Eli,” sighs Josh, he walks towards the bike and examines it, then lets out a childish laugh, “it’s fine, He’s a knock-off Baron Triumph”

And yes, obviously he was. Eli could be an idiot sometimes but he wasn’t a murderer. He went off on his (honestly weird as hell) speech until Josh cut him off.

“Who else is with you? Where is Sam Dean?” Eli scoffs.

“Do I look like her publicist?”

“Sam’s not here?” 

“I’m sorry, it’s just me and my girlf, Mavis” He answers with a smirk.

Josh and I share a look, I shrug and mouth a ‘sorry’, Josh shakes his head, telling me not to worry about it.

“You have the entire mall? You?” asks Angelica.

“Right?! How did that even happen?” I ask in frustration. Wesley mumbles a ‘chill, girl’ that I decide to ignore.

Eli went on and on, and to be honest I think I only understood like fifty percent of what he was saying, part because I wasn’t listening, and part ‘cause the boy has a wild vocabulary. Josh and I looked at each other in annoyance and I knew he was feeling as done as me with the conversation. When I was starting to think this day couldn’t get any crazier, the real Baron Triumph made his entrance.

We all hurl up at the doors and Eli pulls out a set of keys from his pocket, desperately trying to open them.

“Faster, he’s almost here!” says Josh.

“Get your own mall, this one’s mine” Eli grumbles.

“Are you twelve?” I reply, “We’re on the same side here!”

“We’re finna get eaten out here...”

“Not helping, Wesley.” 

“Got it!” Says Eli. The other boys pull him aside and practically rip the chains from the handles, “Hey!”

Josh pushes me inside hurriedly before entering himself. The others soon following after. I hear the door slamming shut and I look over my shoulder to see Eli running behind us; we’re all safe.

We reach one of the halls and Josh stops in awe, it takes me an extra second to stop completely cause I’m still wearing my skates, but when I do I’m just as amazed as him. Behind me, I hear Angelica talk.

“There’s power and air conditioning...”

“Everything is so... clean”

“Still smells like cinnabon”

“Am I still alive?” I look over at Josh, “You sure I didn’t die when you hit me this afternoon?”

“I didn’t hit you that hard,” He replies, still looking around like it was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

“Solar panels on the roof!” Eli sings, “This is an island of paradise in an ocean of poop.”

“What a fancy allegory,” I snicker.

I’ll allow myself to remember, I don’t do it as often as I’d like...

-Flashback time-

What? You thought I wasn’t going to do this? C’mon, I’m a lonely child. All I have are my memories of the good ol’ times, so you’ll be forced to relive them with me. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. (I do, but I don’t wanna brag about it).

“We should go to my place, there’s nothing to do here...”

“Maya, for the last time,” I look at the girl standing next to me, “we told Alex we would meet here.”

“I know,” She whines, “but Hoyles is here and that guy gives me the creeps. I heard he tried to have sex with Ashley Miller while she was completely wasted”

“Sounds like Hoyles,” I nod in agreement, “but we can’t scatter everytime we run into them. We’re not little kids anymore, he can’t hurt us”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” She points to the opposite corner, Hoyles and his gang are terrorizing a freshman and the people around does nothing but move away.

“Can you belive that?” I start to walk towards them but Maya grabs my arm tightly, “What?”

“Don’t be stupid,” She rolls her eyes, “don’t even try to stop them, seriously, they won’t stop and you’ll get harassed.”

“It’s a freshman!” I insist, “Hoyles is like three times his size! You can’t expect me to do nothing”

“Listen,” my friend raises an eyebrow, “Y/N, those guys are crazy, please...”

I look back at the boys and realize they’re no longer there, I turn to her in defeat.

“I just really hate bullies, okay?”

“Let’s face it, we don’t have the ability to stop them all.”

“To stop what?” 

I quickly turn around and see the person I’ve been waiting for: Alex, my best friend since childhood. My mood switches instantly and I shrugg it off, already starting to forget.

“Just the usual dumbassery,” I reply with a chuckle.

“Hey loser,” Maya adds, “you’re late.”

“Yeah, I know” Alex nods awkwardly, “lost track of time again, sorry.”

“What was it this time?” I ask, “youtube or the comic?”

“Youtube,” He smirks, “vine is honestly a national treasure.”

“Sure,” I snort, “too bad is dead now.”

“Those who are great live the shortest lives,” He replies with his ‘wise old man’ voice.

“So,” Maya hops between us and puts her arms around our shoulders, “you want to look around?”

“I wanna go see the skates,” Alex adds, basically vibrating, “they have a new model and I wanna try them on.”

“The skates place, then,” My friend nods and pulls us with her.

------------------------------------------

A loud bang brings me back to the present and I remember why were we hiding here in the first place.

“This way, quick!” Eli tells us before he starts running. I move fast since I’m the only one with wheels on her feet. And soon most of them are behind me. Eli presses a button on the keychain he has, and the metal curtain lifts up enough for us to get in. “Go under, we’ll be safe in here...”

As soon as Josh, Angelica and I get in, the curtain comes back down.

“What the hell?” asks Josh.

“I’m not sharing my kingdom with you, sheep. No one busts into Eli’s mall. And don’t even try to escape.”

“We weren’t trying to escape, you brainless leprechaun!” This is unbelievable, I swear, I just want out of this day, “We’re running away from the monster that's on your side! You won’t make it on your own against Triumph, he’ll find a way to get in and eat you”

“Every door is locked or booby-trapped.” A laugh distracts us from the discussion and I see Wesley next to Eli... on the other side.

“Booby,” He chuckles. He’s been smoking, so you can’t expect him to behave.

Eli groans. Josh steps closer and smirks.

“Wesley Fists lead the state in sacks last season. Take him out, Samurai.”

“To fight someone so obviously inferior would be dishonorable.” He raises a brow. Eli shows us both of his middle fingers.

“Great,” I throw my backpack on the floor and walk away from the curtain, “this is only getting better and better...” 

“One punch, Wesley, come on,” Josh insists, “one punch.”

I let out a sharp breath and sit on the bench a few feet away from them to take off my skates. As useful as they are, I’m starting to feel sore and they’re not the most comfortable thing to wear after a few hours of running. While I’m doing so, another memory comes to mind and I’m unable to stop it.

Where was I? Oh, right...

------------------------------------------

“I think these are more you’re style,” I grab the bright, lime-green pair from the right shelf and hand them to Alex, he laughs and examines them for a moment like he’s actually considering the idea.

“I mean, they wouldn’t match any of my outfits but they’d totally be catching everyone’s eye.”

“Isn’t that the point, though?”

“Obviously,” He shakes his head pretending to be offended by the question, “though I think I’ll have to pass this time. I already made my choice.”

He shows me a pair of white-colored ones.

“Dude, are you serious?” I grab the skates and raise them to his eye level, “These are the most boring pair of skates ever”

“Now they are,” Alex moves my hand slightly so he can see my face, “but I bet that you can turn them into a masterpiece”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Please, Y/N don’t play dumb, you know I love your drawings”

I blush at his reply. Sure, I like drawing but I’m no Van Gogh at it. The best thing I ever drew was probably a worm.

“You’re telling me you’d spend your money on the newest model of skates just to ruin them with your best friend’s nonexistent skills?”

“To me, their value would go up by a thousand if they had your drawings in them.”

“Jesus, get a room!” Maya exclaims beside us, she’s sitting on a small chair, trying random pairs of skates out of pure boredom.

“Shut up!” We both respond quickly. 

He looks at me and I’m pretty sure he’s blushin but I can’t really look at his face cause I’m too embarrassed to do so.

Oh, right. I forgot to mention that I had a crush on my best friend, didn’t I? No, I wasn’t avoiding this topic. I thought it wasn’t important anymore. And it isn’t! I promise it isn’t. Alex is gone, and with him so are my feelings.

Yes, you can laugh all you want cause I was one of those basic idiots who fell in love with their best friend just cause he treats me like any decent human being should. Can you blame me, though? Compared to Hoyles and his team of dickheads, Alex was a fucking teddy bear. 

And the worst part? I’m pretty sure he liked me back. 

We never made a move.

------------------------------------------

A loud scream makes me drop my broken skates and I run back to were Angelica and Josh are.

“What the fuck...” I whisper, clinging to the curtain.

“What the fuck is here with us?” Angelica is the first to ask what Josh and I were wondering as well.

“Ooh, a ghoulie witch,” Eli steps closer, lowering his voice, “once upon a time, she was a normal girl who liked hanging out at the mall. But now she’s got mad powers, and she will fuck your shit up. She is unkillable and she is hangry.”

“There is no such thing as witches.”

“Well, a few months ago there weren’t mutant squirrels or ghoulies either.” Adds Angelica.

“That’s right. And when the witch eats your intestines like spaghetti, you’ll think: I never should’ve dissed king Eli...” He walks backwards and leaves us here with fuck knows what.

“I swear every time he opens his mouth I feel like I’m having a stroke,” Now that I don’t have my skates on, I realize Josh’s taller than me. I barely reach the tip of his nose.

“Don’t worry, I’ll convince him to let you out.” Wesley says, “I’mma go full Gandhi on his ass. Hunger strike.”

“Easy there, we don’t want to traumatize him for life” I reply dryly.

Angelica and Josh step back from the curtain and I follow them. We sit on the bench and I look at my skates, cursing under my breath. Josh notices and gently nudges my side with his arm.

“Sorry about that. We can find a new pair somewhere around here if you want.”

“I hope so,” I kick them and they slide miserably on the floor, the wheels almost fully worn out, “I really liked them.”

“You used to skate a lot? Before the nuke,” He asks in curiosity.

“Not at all. I didn’t even know how to use them,” I laugh lightly, “my best friend used to, though. He promised he would teach me one day but... things didn’t go as planned.”

“Is he..?” He leaves the question open but I understand perfectly what he’s trying to say.

“Fuck, no,” I feel a shiver going down my spine just by thinking about it, “we wanted different things, that’s all. He had a plan and I had another. Alex wanted to leave town and travel around the country now that we’re free to do whatever we please. I just wanted to find my sister.”

“And where is she?”

“She turned into a ghoulie, so I... I took care of it.”

“Shit,” He whispers, passing a hand through his hair and looking a little pale, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Again, I’m not gonna talk about this stuff with someone I just met.

“Did I ever meet your friend?” Maybe Josh can tell I don’t want to keep going with the hard topics, and I appreciate his effort to respect that.

“Dunno,” I shrug, softly massaging my feet, “He’s Alex Murphy. Bit taller than me, cool guy...”

“Oh, him,” He nods, then adds, “I have no clue of who that is.”

I laugh louder this time, giving him a gentle push.

“Dumbass,” I shake my head, “anyway, after Alex and I went our separate ways I decided to learn on my own and I think I did pretty well, they’re quieter than cars and definitely easier to control than skateboards.”

“Oh, so you’re still not over that?” He raises a brow, a smirk growing on his face.

“Well, I’m not the one running over innocent people on the street.”

“It was an accident! I wasn’t watching where I was going. I was too busy trying not to get killed by the jocks”

���You sure? Cause so far all I’ve seen you do is nothing but the opposite. If I may give my humble opinion, it's not something very smart considering you’re alone.”

“I was doing well until today,” He sighs.

“I believe you, Wheeler,” I eye him up, “you're not like I'd pictured.”

“Really?” He smiles, “What did you imagine?”

“Kinda like those boys who pretend to be all grown up,” I reply, scrunching up my nose, “the ones that can’t be caught having fun or they’d lose their cool, like some sort of bitter old man in the body of a seventeen-year-old boy...”

“Okay, okay! I get it,” Josh laughs, raising his hands in defeat, “jeez, thanks for the compliments”

“I am complimenting you!” I exclaim, “I’m saying I was wrong and you’re not what I thought you were”

“You did think I was, though”

“Well, at least I had an opinion on you,” I scoff, “I’m sure you didn’t even think of that after we did our school project, I probably just stopped existing in your world or something...”

“Of course not,” It was his time to act offended, “every time I saw you on the hall after our project I made sure to wave at you, remember?”

“How kind of you”

“What can I say? I’m a real-life gentleman.”

I laugh again and pull my shoes out of my bag to put them on.

“Is that the reason why Sam Dean fell head over heels for you?”

The effect was immediate. Josh’s shoulders tense and his smile disappears, he clears his throat and looks anywhere but me.

“Uhm, I don’t really know if she...”

“It’s alright,” I add promptly, “sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad”

“I’m not sad,” He shakes his head, “it’s just that I keep thinking... maybe things could’ve been different if I had said something sooner, you know?”

Trust me, Josh. I know.

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic 

[zer0pm]

Diverging Jealousy: Devil Hunters

A/N: The next part of the Diverging Jealousy multific that continues after V’s part. I was considering ending it as I don’t want to drag the story too long, but with how I left V’s part along with all the great feedback, I felt it better to write some scenes that would create a natural transition to the heart-pulling finale. Hope this keeps the hype up. Thanks a bunch to everyone that has been following this. Y’all are the best :)

.

.

.

You: “Wait, Dante. Stop.”

He was about to kiss you and you almost let him, but a nagging feeling tugging at your heart and mind told you to stop and take a step back. So you did, placing a hand against his chest to keep him at bay, allowing you to create some distance. He looks crestfallen at your rejection, but he doesn’t push it.

Dante: “Guessing you’re not feeling me.”

You shake your head.

You: “I don’t know what to feel. This is too sudden and it sure as hell not the right time and place to open up to something like this.”

When you were certain Dante wasn’t going to try to pull a fast one, you lower your hand and your guard.

Dante: “We may not have another chance to talk about this.”

You: “Well, we’re not going to do this in front of V.”

If he was hurt before, Dante certainly was now. Feelings aside, you had a job to do, and you were not going to cause a scene in front of your client. That’s what you convinced yourself anyways. You turn your head to apologize to him about how unprofessional Dante must appear but find him nowhere to be found.

You: “Where did V go?”

Dante: “...Guess he heeded my warning.”

You narrow your eyes at Dante suspiciously.

You: “What warning? You guys have been acting weird all day, you gonna tell me what’s going on?”

Dante’s body grows frigid. Him and his big mouth, but there was no point in hiding or lying about it now. He scratches the back of his head, trying to find the best words to put it.

Dante: “I didn’t like the way he acted around you or how you two talked to each other. It got on my nerves. So I told him to watch himself, ‘cause I already had my sights on you longer than he has and wasn’t going to let him just waltz in and-”

You: “Take what’s yours? Like you own me?”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing and his eyes widen at your outburst.

Dante: “It isn’t like that!”

You: “Then what is it, Dante? ‘Cause it sounds to me like you two started a competition where I’m the prize and I didn’t even have a say in it! Now V’s fucking gone off to god knows where and we still got an asshole demon king to kill against which we’re going to need all the fucking help we can get!”

Your fists clenched so tightly, your body was shaking, and your head felt like it was about to burst from all the anger building up inside you.

You: “And you two thought it was a good idea to fight over what?! A chance with me!? God, you can be so stupid sometimes!”

That made his heart fall. Did they not have a chance with you? You storm off, sword drawn. You hear Dante calling out to you.

Dante: “Where are you going?!”

You: “To find our client!”

With a swing, you point your sword at Dante, annoyed rage in your eyes.

You: “And don’t think I’m picking any sides. He’s just as dumb as you for letting this rivalry get the better of both of your judgments! You’re going to fucking keep the office and we’re all going to live through this so I can smack both of you upside your thick skulls! Until then, I’m going to make sure that you two get the fuck along so that I can get back to fucking work!”

Dante knows you’re pissed when half of your sentences are filled with expletives. If he wasn’t legitimately scared of you right now, he would have thought your spirited anger was sexy. Empowering even. It was one of the things that made you so damn attractive while working, ‘cause you had nothing but feeling in everything you do. But he has thrown himself on your bad side and knew it was his fault. He scratches the back of his head in frustration.

Dante: “Fuck...”

.

.

.

He didn’t know how long or far he has been walking, trying to actively move to get his mind of over Dante being so close to you. But no matter how hard he tried, even reciting William Blake to calm his nerves, the quake in his heart shook him painfully. It was pathetic really how much it affected him.

Griffon: “Hey, uh...you okay, V?”

V: “Once Urizen is defeated, I will be.”

Griffon: “True, but what about...you know who, Walker, I think is what you call that other devil hunter.”

V: “Little Wanderer.”

Griffon: “There ya go, that’s the pet name.”

He started calling you that not too long after meeting you, a play on your exceptional scouting abilities. It also helped that it was an ode to one of his favorites poems, fueling his attraction to you. V supposes that he’ll have to come up with another nickname, one that would not serve as a symbol of his hopeless affection.

V: “Irrelevant now. Dante has made his claim clear.”

He sighs, stopping in the middle of an open area.

V: “Besides, he has everything to offer. Me...I have nothing to give. I cannot even give myself as I will simply either crumble away or reveal myself to be the monster that brought calamity to this city Wanderer loved so much. I don’t know which of these would be worse to see on that wonderful face, but it not a sight I can bare. It is better this way.”

Griffon: “V...”

Suddenly he feels a presence zoom right towards them. With amazing reflexes, V instinctively ducks, Shadow leaping from his marks to claw at the attacking figure. The familiar nicks the creature, revealing itself before V. A large, lizard-like demon with long, dagger-like claws and glowing red skin. Out of the all the species of demons in the underworld, this was the his least favorite to deal with and with his current state, he would ride victorious still but not before going through a bit of a struggle destroying it. His worst fear is realized when more Chaos demons fade into vision, completely surrounding them. Well, then...

Griffon: “Um... Now would probably be a good time to call in Nightmare.”

Not needing to be told twice, V summons the full force his demonic energy with a snap of his fingers, triggering the call of his most powerful familiar. Like a meteor falling from the sky, Nightmare crashes into the plaza. The Chaos demons were quick to move out of the way, hissing at the rising ink creature. In their venomous daze, V dashed on top of Nightmare, Griffon and Shadow in tow to defend him.

The Chaos horde engages them, V using his connection with his demon companions to guide their every move, taking extra care to make sure they do not attack too far from him. It was difficult as the enemies were too quick, using their superior speed to dodge most of the strikes and lightning attacks. Even Nightmare’s energy blasts and monstrous strength did little against them. One swiftly sneaks behind V, he could not summon Griffon back enough to knock it away and instead was forced to dodge. He barely missed the killing blow as one hellish claw scratched deep on his shoulder. If he didn’t move at all, that would have pierced his heart right through, yet it still hurt like hell, and he was bleeding profusely.

V: “Gahh!”

The reptilian demon stood atop Nightmare with him and moved to slice upward. V had no choice but to roll off of his own familiar to escape, he landed on the ground on top of his bad shoulder and hisses in excruciating agony. Nightmare beside him fades into a pool of black ink before merging back within him, turning his hair and some of the marks on his back to its dark hue.

He looks up to see Griffon and Shadow trying to get to him, but the surrounding Chaos demons kept them at bay with fierce attacks. He sensed that it is taking all their vigor alone to avoid their vicious offense.

V moves to get back up but feels his weakening body give, keeping him to a kneeling position. His dying core forces him to cough, he covers his mouth as if doing so would muffle the sound and steady his breathing but once he removed his hand, he sees nothing but the red proof of his fading life splattered on his palm.

V: “No, not like this... I can’t lose here.”

He thinks back on how this hell came to be. How everything fell to ruin, all because of him and his selfish pursuit of power. Even now, he wished himself to be stronger. But not just to right his wrongs.

But to see you again...

He was mentally himself for his foolish sentimental heart, but he honestly could not complain. On the brink of death and all he can think about is you. If you were to be his last thoughts, then he felt that everything was worth it. And he hoped even now, that and you and Dante would rise victorious, together. V smiles sadly.

V: “I curse my stars in bitter grief and woe.”

Behind him, a shadow approaches, the signal of the end.

V: “That made my lov-”

BOOM!

The demon behind him falls, fading into black ash. V’s look up to seek out the source and sees a familiar face beside him, helping him back on his feet.

V: “Dante-!”

Dante: “Don’t thank me yet, my partner is still going to kill our dumb asses. Until then...”

He was lucky to have found V first, his feet driven by the desire to beat you to him so that he could speak with the tattooed man first. Not to manipulate the situation between you all, he learned that lesson the first time. But to set it right and let things come naturally. If you chose V over him, if you chose between them at all, then he wanted V to give it his all for you. That would be worth it. The white-haired man looks back at the dark-cladded man with a profound determination in his eyes that told the latter that his pride has been casted aside.

Dante: “Help me out here, will ya?”

Understanding what he means, V nods. His cane in hand, he puts himself in his stance, Griffon and Shadow bracing themselves by his side to carry out their next orders. He eyes the demons that have formed around them with a newfound vigor and malice.

V: “Behold the taste of despair.”

Dante laughs, facing his back to V’s, both men making sure they had each other covered.

Dante: “Took the words right out of my mouth.”

[lesbian-ed]

tbh every time I talk to a girl and actually pull myself together enough to the point where she might just be showing some interest in my dumb ass, I pull away because I'm afraid af of rejection. I feel like 99% of girls are out of my league. am I self-sabotaging?

Oi, you’re not a dumbass!! (I had to get that out there in the beginning!)

It seems to me that you’re a bit insecure. I think all of us fear rejection to some degree, but we have to be careful not to let that fear paralyse us, for maybe you avoid being rejected… But you also avoid the possibility of not being rejected and starting something new and marvellous!

Now, I know that it’s hard to find confidence in ourselves sometimes. But, trust me, that statistic of 99% of girls being out of your league is absolutely untrue. It’s alright to feel intimidated, it’s inevitable in some moments, but giving into that anxiety all the time is gonna hold you down. I’m not saying “hey, ignore all your insecurities and throw yourself in the middle of uncomfortable situations like there’s no tomorrow“, just that if you always back down, how will you move forward?

If you go on with it and she says no, well, that’s it. This girl told you no. You liked her, you thought maybe you two had something going for you, but she doesn’t agree. It hurts, sure. But it’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean every other girl you ever ask out is going to refuse as well, it just means that this time it didn’t work out. Who knows, maybe the fact that you didn’t match up with this one girl means you won’t walk past another woman you could find love with when you’re already with someone else.

We all look to rejection as if it’s some kind of major failure and that it means something intrinsic about us, that we’re never gonna find a woman who loves us because we’re bad at flirting or socially awkward or unattractive or whatever bad idea we have of ourselves. But that’s not true. It’s a thing that happens. It means nothing apart from itself: that one girl isn’t interested in you. She doesn’t hate you, nor do others, and you’re not lesser than anyone because she doesn’t want to go out with you or be with you.

I can’t give you a foolproof formula in developing your confidence to the point of just facing the possibility of rejection and to hell with everything else, just this certainty that one rejection does not mean eternal rejection. You will be fine. Who knows, you might not even be rejected at all next time the opportunity to be with a girl arises! ;)

Have some faith in yourself, you’ll do great. Best of luck to you, anon

/Mod T

[misunderstood-shadows]

Prompt List

Hey guys, I am up for writing requests for all my fandoms (Supernatural, Teen Wolf (Derek Hale only), The Originals (Elijah Mikaelson only) or Game of Thrones (Jaime Lannister only).

Here is a list I generates, please feel free to request multiple or ones not listed!

UPDATE: I have added in more that I stole from @persuasivus :) The new ones are BOLDED

Don’t leave me”

I have something to tell you”

I only have a month left with you so I’m trying to make it count.

I fell in love and now I don’t want you to go but it’s too late.

‘I’m already dead’’

I got you hurt so I completely cut off all ties to keep your safe

You would always randomly pull me up to dance or just gently hold me while swaying but now I’m standing here alone

” I mean I know I’m supposed to kill you but you’re kind of hot”

The First and Last Time (title)

“Not all love is gentle. Sometimes it’s gritty and dirty and possessive, sometimes it’s not supposed to be careful or soft at all. Sometimes it feels like teeth.”

“A soulmate is: Well, it’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don’t make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soul mate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love her. Nothing can ever change that. Make sense?”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“I swear it won’t happen again.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“You can’t keep doing this.”

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

‘’You did what?!”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Don’t ask me that.”

“I might have had a few shots.”

“What’s with the box?‘’

“Say it!’’

“I could kiss you right now!”

“Are you done with that?”

“Are you still awake…?”

“Excuse you?”

“This is all your fault!”

“I shouldn’t be in love with you.”

���I could kill you right now!”

“Just admit I’m right.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“That’s irrational.”

“Just pretend to be my date.”

“Are you really going to leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

“When you love someone, you don’t just stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Especially then!”

“I think I’ve been holding myself from falling in love with you all over again.”

“I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.”

“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

“Can I sit here? The other tables are full.”

“You weren’t supposed to laugh!”

“This is, by far, the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Before I do this, I need you to know that I have always loved you.”

“Did I say that out loud?”

“Do you think they could have loved me?”

“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Have you lost your fucking mind?”

“His ego is so visible; I can almost watch it grow.”

“I am not losing you again!”

“I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“I had a nightmare about you and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I just need to be alone right now.”

“When I picture myself happy… It’s with you.”

“I made a mistake.”

“I may be an idiot, but I’m your idiot.”

“I need you to forgive me.”

“I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.”

“I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death.”

“I’m flirting with you.”

“I’m not good enough for you.”

“I fell in love with my best friend.”

“I’m sorry, what? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”

“I’m up to the challenge.”

“I’ve been in love with you my entire life. Ever since the day I first met you.”

“I’m yours.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”

“If you go anywhere near them, you’ll have to deal with me!”

“It’s okay to cry…”

“What do you mean? It’s exciting!”

“Talk to me.”

“Look at me—just breathe, okay?”

“Look, I don’t have much time, but I wanted to say I love you.”

“Oh my god! You’re in love with them!”

“Well, this is where I live.”

“We finish it the same way we started—together.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“You are the single best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“You deserve so much better.”

“You don’t have to stay.”

“You don’t know you the way I do.”

“You fainted, straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention, you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”

“You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.”

“You shouldn’t have even been there!”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

“You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”

“Teach me?”

“We’re in the middle of a thunderstorm and you want to stop and feel the rain?”

“Looks like we’ll be stuck here for a while.”

“Just once.”

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

“It’s not what it looks like.”

“I got you a present.”

“Hey! I was gonna eat that!”

“See, now, what that so bad?”.”

“You’re the best part of me.”

“I don’t want to think about what I’d be like without you.”

“Can I hold your hand?”

“Let’s move in together.”

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

“What time is it?”

“Just wait a second.”

“Here, let me.”

“You’re so cute when you pout like that.”

“Hold me back!’

”I don’t care what they said, it doesn’t mean shit!”

I adore you.” 

Do I look like I give a fuck?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! How dare you.

Me? Overreacting? Probably.

I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you.

A: What are you doing? B: Avoiding. A: Avoiding what? B: Everything.

This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES?

You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time.

A: It’s okay, I’m not mad. A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell.

I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, like ‘I’m not mad at you (name), I’m mad at the world!

A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass.

I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it.

Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.

That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it.

Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard.

A: How do you make someone holy? B: You beat the hell out of them.

A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are. B: Not me, I’m important.

If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it.

In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us - slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such.

I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it.

You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything.

I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment.

If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place.

Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though.

A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not. B: Thanks. A: You’re welcome.

I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming.

A: What are you reading? B: 10 tips for beautiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know. A: What the fuck?

A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences. B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch.

God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”.

Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just move the fuck on.

Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19?

It’s a beautiful day to give me money, honey.

Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb.

Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower.

No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful.

I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right.

Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic.

Be prepared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me.

A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart. B: That’s my right boob though. A: Babe.

Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough.

What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answet to a Harry Potter trivia question.

I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck.

Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.

Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you.

So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking each other out?

You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch.

My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense.

I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier.

I ship me and that boat.

Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay.

Because my two moods are like glitter and death.

My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee!

If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me.

Oh my God are you seeing this shit?

Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery.

A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING

I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games.

Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawning realisation that I fucked up real bad.

I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general.

I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.

Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when

I think about it later.

You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself?

And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy.

True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know.

Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”.

Are we gonna hold hands, or what?

My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects.

A: I love you. B: What if I got a bowl cut?

I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t.

I’m aggressively thinking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know how hard that is?

My opinion is no.

Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan.

What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch.

Which is messier - my life or my hair?

How can you face the problem when the problem is your face?

Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know what THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

Read a girl who dates books.

My hands are cold let me put them in your pants.

I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that.

You have lips, I have lips…interesting.

Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

[justabookworm39]

I think you’re my best friend (RvB Angst War Fanfic)

Summery:

gkingoffez said: RvB Angst War prompt- Caboose breaks his leg in the middle of a fight, and Tucker gets hurt trying to drag him out. Carolina and Epsilon find them once the battle is over. Happy or sad ending, you decide. *finger guns*

Nobody wanted to admit how much they cared until then.

Warnings: Language, injuries (and abuse of said injuries b/c Caboose tried to stand up with a broken leg), emotional breakdowns(?), heavily implied but not onscreen character death.

Pairings: Blue Team BroT3 (AKA Platonic!Church/Tucker/Caboose), with a dash of some other friendships mentioned.

Notes: This is... the first time I’ve cried while writing. Maybe this is among my best works, maybe it’s just because I love these three and their friendship so much. (This is also my first time writing RvB fanfiction from the first-person P.O.V., so that might have something to do with it.) Either way, I hope this makes you guys as emotional as it did me.

Also, I was going to give it a happy ending, but I liked the sad ending too much to ‘fix’ it. If you want the happy ending, you’ll have to prompt me for it when Fluff Week starts.

Finally, the title is a quote from Fall Out Boy’s ‘The Kids Aren’t Alright.’ Combined with Jem’s ‘24 Hours’ and Matt Corby’s ‘Brother,’ it made a very sad soundtrack that I hope at least one person listens to while they read this.

“Tucker, come in. Everything alright?” God dammit, why isn’t he picking up? “Tucker, for fuck’s sake, just let me know you’re alive, got it?”

“Everything alright?” Carolina asked, returning from talking to Kimball. The battle was finally over-for now, at least-and everyone was regrouping. I hadn’t been able to keep track of everyone, but I knew Tucker and Caboose had led their respective units off in one direction. Surely they’d be fine.

Right?

“Tucker’s not answering his radio.”  At that point, I glanced up and saw Green Team and Blue Team heading towards us. “Fucking finally.” Maybe they could tell me what the dipshits were doing.

One of the soldiers-Lieutenant Palomo-picked up the pace, practically running to us. “Church! Agent Carolina! Something’s really wrong! We need help! We-”

Lieutenant Smith came up behind Palomo and cut him off. “Something happened during the battle.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out.”

Carolina ignored me, saying, “What’s wrong? Is it about Caboose and Tucker?”

Palomo piped up again, saying, “Captain Caboose broke his leg! Captain Tucker stayed behind-he told us to keep fighting, he said he’d keep Captain Caboose safe-but when we went back to find them later, they were gone!”

What?

“What we did find were a couple of space pirate bodies with sword wounds,” Smith continued. “We don’t know where they went, but we have to find them.”

Before Carolina could say anything, I found myself yelling, “Yeah, no shit, we have to find them! Palomo!” I turned to Tucker’s prize lieutenant, “Go find Wash!” He’d spent a lot of time looking for downed agents, surely he could find the guys, right? “And Smith! Where’d you lose them?”

“This way.” Smith took off with the rest of his team behind him.

“Come on, C.”

“Church, slow down. We have to be careful. They could’ve gotten captured, or-”

“No, they didn’t. They got lost because it’s Caboose and Tucker and Tucker was probably too busy bragging about killing those space pirates to look where he was going and Caboose is Caboose. They’re fine.”

All of those were lies, I was sure. Tucker would’ve been able to keep track of where he was going and Caboose wasn’t that dumb and they weren’t lost, they were hurt, maybe they were-

“Church. It’s alright. We’ll find them.”

I was starting to realize they wouldn’t find us. At least, not in time.

We’d sat in the sinkhole we’d dove into to avoid the space pirates for hours now. Our armor protected us from the worst of the impact, so we were, at least, no more injured than we’d been before the fall. Caboose played with Freckles, tossing and turning the rifle in his hands as he spoke to it, while I tried to ignore the pain in my side. Just a gunshot; I could live through this.

I hoped.

“Tucker?”

“What is it, man?”

“Why hasn’t anyone found us yet?”

“Well, we came down here to hide from the space pirates, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And we’re still alive, right?”

“Well, uh, my leg really hurts and I do not think I can really walk without somebody else using their legs… but yes. I am still alive.”

“So, clearly this was a good hiding place. Which means it’s gonna be kinda hard for the Chorus army to find us.”

“Oh, oh, that’s it! We are too good at hiding!” He looked up at the gap in the ceiling, yelling, “WE GIVE UP! COME FIND US NOW!”

“Caboose, I don’t think anyone can hear us,” I said, though that didn’t stop him from continuing to yell at the sky. I chuckled sadly. Over the past several hours, I found that Caboose was the worst person to be trapped with. Not because he could be annoying-though that really didn’t help-but because of how hard it was to explain just how bad the situation was. How hard it would be to explain if we couldn’t get out.

If I couldn’t get out.

“Tucker?”

“Hm?”

“Your face looks weird.”

I chuckled. “Hey, there’s no need to be an ass about it.”

“No, not your normal weird. Different weird. Bad weird.” Caboose sat up, trying to crawl towards me, but stopped suddenly, flinching at he moved his leg. “Ow.”

I thought for a moment. Maybe I should tell him. I felt woozy. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out… “Want me to sit next to you, buddy?” I saw him do a double take. Usually, calling him ‘buddy’ was a Church thing. I wasn’t sure why I said it. Maybe I thought it’d made him feel better.

He nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.” I crawled across the stone, only to stop a few feet away from him, wincing and throwing a hand over my side. “Tucker?” I heard him gasp dramatically, and he grabbed my shoulders, sitting me down next to him. “Stupid Tucker, that’s not good! You-you do not move when you are shot!”

I felt tears running down my face, partly due to the pain, and partly due to the fact that I couldn’t hide this from him any longer. “Hey, big guy. I need to tell you something.” I swallowed thickly. “I… I hate to have to tell you this, but… I don’t know if I’m gonna make it out.”

Caboose was quiet for a second. Then, “Tucker, don’t be stupid. You-why would they get me out of this hole, and not you? I-now you’re just being silly.”

“That’s… not what I meant.” I took a deep breath. He’d… never had a great grasp on the concept of death. When it came to when we thought Freckles was dead, Wash told me that Caboose never caught onto what it meant. Not to mention Church… Then again, if he kept coming back, it was kinda hard to blame Caboose for that.

But I wasn’t like Church, or Freckles. I wouldn’t come back.

“...I got hurt pretty badly, Caboose. I… by the time somebody gets here to rescue you, I’m probably not gonna be here.”

Caboose stared at me, wide-eyed. “But-but where would you go?” He still didn’t get it.

“I-I think I’m going to die before help gets here. And I’m not coming back.” Saying it out loud made me sick to my stomach. It hadn’t fully set in-I was worrying about my teammate-but just then, I realized it. I was going to die.

Oh god, I was going to die. I wouldn’t get to see any of my other friends again. Church, Wash, Carolina, Grif-

I’d never get to see Junior again. He’d be an orphan.

I was caught up in my own thoughts, so I didn’t notice Caboose moving until I heard him whimper. Looking down, I realized he was trying to force himself to his feet, holding me in his arms. “Caboose? Buddy, what-”

“I-Maybe, if I stand up…” I heard him sniffle in pain, as when I looked up at him, I saw fat tears rolling down his cheeks. “Maybe… Maybe I can boost you out… Then somebody will can you and find us…”

“Caboose, stop!” I shifted just enough to place a hand on his shoulder. “You can’t do anything, you’re just going to hurt yourself!”

“No! I-I will be fine, just-” He yelped, his broken leg crumbling beneath him, and we tumbled to the floor. “I-I-No! No, I…” He looked down at me, terrified. “But-But, Tucker, I-I don’t want you to leave!”

“I… I know, Caboose. I’m sorry.” I fought back tears. I didn’t want to make him sadder. “Hey, it’s okay, you can put me down.” I don’t want you to have to hold my corpse.

“Tucker…” Caboose gently put me on the floor. He looked away, then said, “Do you want to talk to Freckles?”

I smiled slightly. “Heh, sure, buddy. Might make me feel better.”

I don’t know how much Tucker was sleeping before somebody found us. I let him hold Freckles, because Freckles made me feel better, and Tucker probably would have also liked talking to Wash or Agent Carolina or even Church, but-

But none of them were there. It was just me and Tucker. And I had to make Tucker feel better. Because he’s my friend.

I don’t know what happened after that. My memory gets fuzzy sometimes, when things get scary, and my memory was really fuzzy then. I remember Smith was there. He was happy I was alright. The scary doctor lady was there, too, and-and so was Church.

“Caboose! Oh, fucking Christ, you’re alive!” He was all ghosty-like, so he couldn’t hug me, but Wash could, and he did, and I think Church wanted to hug me, too.

Tucker still wasn’t waking up.

I remember Church crying-I think he was crying-because he was happy that I was safe again. But then I heard him ask somebody else something that made me sad.

“Is Tucker alright, too?”

I remember Agent Carolina and Church talking.

“Church, you should stay with Caboose.”

“I know, but I think he’s fine. What about Tucker?”

“Church, please, just… stay over there.” Carolina always sounded so brave, but not now.

“Why? What’s wrong, Carolina?!”

Then Wash joined them. I think he was crying again. “Oh, god. No…”

“What? What is it?”

“Church, please, don’t-”

Silence. Then I heard Church screaming. “Oh, fucking… No! No, he can’t- Tucker! Tucker, wake up! You can’t just- No, goddammit, no!”

I started crying. “I-I-I’m sorry, Church. I tried to help him-” I curled up, closing my eyes. I wanted everything to be alright again. “I couldn’t, I’m sorry, he’s sleeping now, he’s gone, I’m sorry.”

I felt something appear next to me, and I opened my eyes to see Church floating in front of me. “I know you did, buddy. It’s OK. You must’ve been really brave.”

I reached up, wiping my eyes. “But-but he’s gone. I couldn’t...”

“I know.” Church sat down in mid-air, and he flickered. His helmet went away and I saw his face-I hadn’t seen it in a while, and even though his hair was more red than it was last time I saw it, I knew it was him. He smiled sadly at me. “But you tried. And sometimes…” He looked away. “Sometimes, that’s all you can do.”

[survivorelara]

Episode #6: “"NOT ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE" - Big Z

Even though I misplayed my idol, I cannot believe that my incessant need for wanting Toby gone actually fucking worked. Like. I will be taking the credit for this one because I just fed it to my peoples and had Loris know about it and just controlled his emotional vulnerability. I would have been good without having the idol either... so wig- I fucked up on that end but WOWZA it feels good to actually lead a vote, see the vote go the way you want, and have my target argue with someone who HE thinks started this revolution. Hehehehhehee

bruh im getting major Byzantium teas right now... where my og tribe gets decimated and only two of us actually make it to the merge. right now theres only 3 of us left and just like then if only 2 of us make merge we're gonna start off as swing votes, then everyone will target us.  please don't let that happen Byzantium wasn't my greatest org experience

LMAO SO DANI THINKS WE ARE DEAD TO HER BECAUSE WE BLINDSIDED HER AT THE LOUISE VOTE? poor girl. you're playing a vivor org, get over yourself. you better pray to GOD we don't lose or that you have an idol... because your ass is done otherwise. one way or another, like I said before, only 2 zosma's max are making merge lmao…

In the middle of the challenge, so this confessional will have to be brief. I can definitely WIN this challenge, but I do question if that's the best for my game. The other tribe had a unanimous 6-1 vote, so now it's an even 3-3 split over there.

If we win, it's possible that either they'll go to rocks, or one of the Revati's will flip to save themselves? (Because it's unlikely the Auva are dumb enough to flip on one-another since that'd give us majority in the merge.)

However our tribe is currently a 3-2-2 split, and while I don't THINK the two sets of two are working together, I can't eliminate the possibility that they'd gang up on us to eliminate one of us and evening the numbers for the merge.

It's difficult to say where this whole tribe will end up shaking down, but I'm hoping to avoid Tribal if I can help it. The less Tribal Councils I go to, the more options I have going into merge because I won't have necessarily hurt any feelings by voting a particular way.

Well, I crushed the challenge, scoring all 5 points on my tribe, everyone was talking about how I carried them... which already has me worried given my history of being labelled a challenge beast after only having one good challenge.

But at the very least no tribal, I'm curious if we'll be merging at 12 or if it'll be some other number. Guess I'll know soon enough, but it's nice to have a break for a bit, and I think I'm doing pretty well on bonding with others so as to better my position.

Dylan still never talks to me. So ideally he'll be gone soonish, either by us losing the next challenge or him serving as an early merge boot. But even if he sticks around I doubt it'll be a major problem.

MY HOPE, for the other tribe is to send home Drew or Roxy (preferably Drew since I know Roxy and can work with that I think), to split up that Power-Pair as Drew was a fool for spoiling that. I don't really care who goes so long as the Revati's stay, and if we DO lose

Now if I could just find a damn idol... or SOMETHING.

HELLO LITTLE MIX AND NICKI ARE COLLABING I REPREARJT  HHHHHH THEYRE COLLABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack Lawrence is so nice and so pretty. I would die for Jack. I would cry for Jsck. I will climb a mountain- and I hate walking. oh thats climbing I hate that too. Jack is nice Jack is kind. I shit on the Jack haters. He is just perfect. He could do nothing and still be thebest non-lead host. (Ya AJ shuttup) Anna Jane is PERFECTION. Erik is cutie she is cutie and I love AJ n Erik. She is hot and if I was gay i'd fuck. She is good listener and perfect and beautiful andeveryone get u a friend like AJ bc she is a BIG ASS MOOD in my life like stop being so perfect thanks

Sometimes I get confused about which day we’re on, so hopefully it’s day 14 lmao. The other tribe snatched Toby & I’m not surprised. Auva didn’t just make a mistake that will hinder themselves, but it will also affect what’s left of og Zosma. The Auvacados could’ve worked with Toby to start taking down Revati, but it would seem that they’re still out for vengeance. Toby was setup to be in a swing position, of course he’s gonna feel out both sides before choosing one. Now Auva is split with 3 on each side & I don’t see any of them flipping, unless og Auva is gullible again. Drew T. didn’t trust Revati either because he wasted an idol on himself even though Toby voted in favor of him. Flops.

Kori is legitimately a godsend. He c a r r i e d Revati in the challenge by scoring all 5 points that we needed to win. He says that he focused hard & waited for the messages to pop up which mind you were separated by intervals of several minutes in the span of 4 hours. Kori is a very humble dude & tries to downplay his capabilities, but he’s the GOAT. Maybe even the shield I needed. :O

I’m not too worried about Dani at this point in time. If Revati happens to lose then she would probably be the easiest to turn people against. Everyone participated in the music video challenge while she was the only one that did not, and she has a habit of sitting out. Sam told me that she hasn’t talked to him since the day we blindsided Louise & I’ve gotten the same treatment. Since I’m “dead to her”, I think that making a move against Dani pre-merge would benefit me in the long run. This would also change everyone’s perception of Sam and I to being non-threatening come merge as we don’t have the number

tea time sisters! toby was a king but was a threat and I have to see the benefits in him going. this tribal is going to be eventful I think... because I think I’m getting votes because roxy seems to really want me gone??? but i have a plan that I think will work :))))) I tell John to vote out drew t or roxy and I say that I know he doesn’t really want to vote out drew h so I’ll settle and sacrifice for drew t. if he’s fine with voting roxy then I tell him that I think I can get drew t to vote her too, and then we can vote him out next, when in reality we’ll vote out drew h next. if he wants to vote drew t now then I tell him me and z will do it too when hopefully z will vote out roxy with me and drew t instead because roxy is trying to get one of us out. ezpz . In fact we could even vote drew h. it’s all tea. I really hope z and John are loyal to me, I think z will be, and I think I can just play with me saying I trust you to John over and over. cute!!!! I stay winning... I can’t believe that I .. actually have a plan... that’s t it’s so easy idk why I couldn’t do this before my mind is just so powerful now? also auva idol is GONE and that’s fantastic and also I got legacy bitches!!!! only 7 more bitches need to go then I can use it :)

Soooooo half of this tribe is just completely inactive during the most important hours of this game prior to tribal. It’s SO FRUSTRATING because even if I want to make some sort of strategy with them it’ll take them at least 2-3 hours to reply to me. I cannot do this for too long. The other issue is that people are sooooo hesitant to throw names out, and when you do throw a name out literally EVERYONE hears that you started it and it gets turned on you. That happened to me when I said John’s name once to Roxy last tribal. I worry it’s about to happen to Loris suggesting Roxy too. We’ll see how it plays out, if I end up dying I’ll at least go on an active note rather than an inactive one.

THERE ARE TWO HOURS UNTIL TRIBAL AND LORIS IS THE ONLY ONE HERE

Whew another tribal and everyone is like absent again!? Wow we love productivity! Trademarked by the Celestial ORG! Please, come buy some productivity!

I hope we merge soon. My goal is to make it to merge without going to tribal. Idk how my tribe would pan out, we got a few inactive asf people. I dont have an idol but I really want one . tbh I'm so glad I took my break bc I'm not focused on winning im just focused on enjoying myself and my game while it lasts and I feel like its significantly improved my game.

Okay so Loris isn't talking to me but he's talking to other people so I'm being TOLD they're going for Roxy but I don't really believe it, I think if an idol is played, I'm dying courtesy of him and Z. Just gotta keep the faith in my people tbh

We doin big z vut doing loris kihhtve been better cause of her connections vut my nothing much I can do. I dint Rlly like the mrtge we r hesding into we r hella in minority

sometimes i forget im playing a org because all we do is win oh i got an idol btw hihihi

Honestly I am happy Toby went. HE WAS A BITCH! He wanted me out the the first round. Now to get Sam and Ciere out next. Expect Tea motherfuckers. Anyways, literally I have not talked a lot. I have gotten to know Kori. He is a shady fuck, I know that from past experience but I need him. I talked to Emma or Emmy or whatever the fuck her name is too. She seems really sweet.

ok so I think me and Ci'ere are bonding, which wow I never imagined that I would have a social game. I still haven't messaged Dani or Kori which is something I should do. The fact that they haven't messaged me, coupled with the fact that I'm alone on this tribe cements the fact that I am the obvious vote. Brb let me try to make connections.

SO we lost again, and my broken phone prevented me from participating in the challenge. Looking at this based on the challenge I should be leaving, buuuut I am going to be voting big Z out tonight, and because the auvas don't want rocks, they are going to do what I want. I have wanted this guy out from a game standpoint from the very beginning, but once you throw my name out there it's very hard to get back on my good side. Loris is going to be annoyed with me I am sure, he was trying to manipulate the situation between us but I could see right through the whole thing. I had a call with Roxy and she made an alliance with us and the two drews. She seemed to be worried that I would want to stick with loris and Z but I knew immediately what I wanted to do. I am really hoping that a merge will happen next, and that this move will not deeply affect me right away.

Big Z is voted out 4-2.