#gonna go somewhere i can actually have some fucking downtime

[threefeline]

[lemonlurkrr]

@aureateart​ ok. My favourite parts of twilight princess  (and some other random thoughts about TP sprinkled in there) taken from my monster TP word vomit google doc :

Link lmao

Ok but for real, I like this incarnation of Link :)

I love Ordon (it just seems like such a chill and cozy village)

ALSO love how easy it is to interpret Link as being a sort of older brother figure to the Ordon kiddos. It’s just,, super cute? AND GHHH nice nice good thanks nintendo for giving me characters to care about/characters that I can imagine Link caring about

He didn’t sign up for any of this (tbh, none of the Links really signed up for this jshdjsd). But I mean like, dude was just going to take a trip to castle town, drop a gift off for the royal family, and come back. But haHA oopsies he did get to castle town eventually but definitely not the way he expected hsjdhsd

He’s just a little dude?

AND FUCK. HE REALLY HAD NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF ORDON UNTIL ALL OF THAT

everything is new for the player AND Link

Midna

She’s cool :)

she really just

*teleports into your jail cell* hello whore.

I am no master at writing but AYYYY she do got a character arc!!!

She was actually pretty helpful sometimes, I ALWAYS checked in with her before turning to a game guide

Other NPCs

NICE

Love all of the TP character designs (ASHEI’S ARMOUR??? AOWOAOAOOAO)

Saving Zelda and all of Hyrule was important yea but thinking back maybe it was more like, the Ordonians and the kids were what was pushing Link to keep on going

I like the Resistance members :) Very video gamey of them to have one NPC assigned to each dungeon but hey!!! Kinda cool getting to see a little glimpse of each of em

Idk, it’s just fun to imagine Link popping into Telma’s bar after each dungeon and taking a little rest :) (or to celebrate? maybe just chat, idk, give this man some downtime!!)

Honestly it was just kind of nice that Link wasn’t entirely alone. I mean, I know Midna was there the whole time, but I am always for giving Link a big group of friends (see my love for hyrule warriors, age of calamity, and LU LMAO)

Hero’s shade, very very cool, kinda sad he died with regrets but HEY. He got to pass on his knowledge eventually

AND the connection to OoT?? AND assumed to be related by blood too????? GOOD SHIT

Ilia, I REALLY really wanted to like her (er, it’s not like I dislike her, she’s just,,, kinda there for me).

It definitely seems like Nintendo was pushing to make her the romantic interest, but GHHHHH they really threw that out of the window for me by having her lose her memories

I saw a text post a while ago that said it would have been interesting if Ilia was Link’s sister instead and YES!! That would have been cool too :0

Wish we got to know Zelda a little more

I feel like we barely know anything about her

Idk man, like I said earlier, I never really had any sort of drive to save Zelda during my playthroughs

She obviously knows Midna, so maybe if they gave us just a little bit more of that relationship I’d be more interested in her?

TP WORLD BUILDINGGGG

Botw has good world building too, but each race felt kinda,,, isolated? I absolutely love the different architecture and vibe each town has (and all the the weapons too) but ghhh yea everyone felt so separated. As far as I can remember, we don’t see tooo much of the races interacting with each other? Now that I’m typing that out maybe that’s to be expected because of the calamity but KLSJDKJFD ANYWAYS THIS IS ABOUT TP

The world feels nice and alive, love how populated everything is

Castle town I like castle town a lot, it feels dense and busy and I really like how you can’t talk to every NPC you see

Very cool very fun that we got to see the Gorons hanging out in multiple spots

kinda wish we got to see the Zoras a little more (I guess they are a bit limited since they need water but GHHHH the tp zoras are so prebby,,)

BUT HEY, I do remember seeing a zora or two hanging out in the hot springs around death mountain after beating the lakebed temple (I think, might have been a different dungeon) 

but aaaa would have been nice to see them in at least a couple of other places. I think it would have really added to the “congrats Link!! You’re restoring peace to Hyrule” feeling you get from seeing the Gorons hanging out in Kakariko and Castle Town

ORDON

Love how chill it is and how it’s kind of separate from Hyrule proper

They really do seem to be doing their own thing apart from the rest of Hyrule

Just kinda adds onto the “he’s just a regular dude minding his own business” kind of vibes I get from TP Link

Also I like Ordona :)

THE LIGHT SPIRITS,,

Love their design

And love how they’re not exactly like a pure white?

Different spirit representing each aspect of the triforce my beloved

But yes hi I think Ordona is very cool

Who are you, how did you get here, which goddess do you represent? Do you even represent one of the three golden goddesses? Do the Ordonians know about you? Have any of them ever SEEN you??? Do they worship you? Does anybody even know about the existence of the light spirits?? FUCK so many questions but ghhh I like how they broke the status quo a bit by throwing in a fourth spirit :)

I feel like this one is kinda weird but I like that voice sample they used in the light spirit music. It’s spooky and pretty at the same time :)  

cutscenes mmmmm

Ok ok, the spooky lanayru cutscene is very good

BUT THE “Link, Chosen Hero! Lend us the last of your power!” CUTSCENE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOVE IT SO MUCH

IT just

Idk man

It just hit different

I like the music

And seeing the light spirits swimming around in the light juice water whatever it is

Summoning the light arrows?

AND HHHHH “Lend us the last of your power!” THIS IS IT. This is the final battle.

Seeing Zelda bow down, and then Link putting his hand out 👌👌👌

Link: ok bud, let’s do this together :)

Connection to OoT (did I already mention this? Maybe., Whatever)

Very cool nintendo :)

I love seeing connections between all the diff zelda games.

Because like, on one hand, they’re all separate from each other because of yknow, individual hero stuff. BUT ALSO, they’re all connected because of the reincarnation stuff

Grrrr walking through the sacred grove and going “The Hero of Time walked around here a long time ago” FUCK THATS SO COOL

Is the Hero’s Shade watching me? What does he think of me? DIsappointed? Proud? The Hero of Time went through HELL so this timeline didn’t have to deal with any of the shit Ganon was gonna pull with the triforce, better not fuck this UP Link!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Midlink is cute

Kinda hurts that she smashed the mirror but that was probably so Nintendo didn’t have to worry about people going “but what about the twili??????” for any of the other games LMAO

BUT ALSO LIKE SKJDKLJFJ There are some pretty massive plot holes in TP anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever it’s fine we’ll just use this for angst because GOD do y’all like angst

So is Shadlink

Honestly don’t know where this ship came from but it’s cute so whatever

THE MUSIC??

Love Midna’s theme and how they referenced the dark world theme from ALttP (I remember trying to learn the dark world theme on the piano and doing the Leonardo DiCaprio point meme at the little jingle I recognized from Midna’s theme)

Hyrule field theme SLAPS.

Apparently references a couple of the other over-world themes from the previous zelda games (I got this from 8-bit Music theory’s video on the over-world zelda themes, he talks about TP at around 11:40 but def recommend watching the whole video if you’re into music analysis stuff)

So there’s this bit of the Hyrule Field theme, I don’t know the official name for it but I remember seeing somewhere it being called the “at an advantage theme” since yeah, you hear it during the boss music whenever you expose their weak points. FUCKINGGG LOVE THAT. Didn’t notice it during my first playthrough, but hearing it during my second was like a little easter egg for my ears every time :)

Midna’s lament is very pretty (and fun to play on the piano)

COURAGE THEME.

I didn’t care for it too much when I started playing the game but hearing it in ZREO’s arrangement of the Hyrule Field theme literally makes me turn into a puddle of emotions. Also hearing it around and of the Ordon kids (I think it plays after Link saves Colin) AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Orchestra piece #1 and #2 HOLY SHIT???????????????? 

Literally, the first time I listened to those I just,,,, plugged in my headphones, volume 100, layed on the floor/against my desk and silently vibed. I don’t know what the hell it is, but those two just fit so well with TP?? I still avoid listening to them nowadays cause if I DO I definitely will get overwhelmed with the “god I love this game so FUCKING MUCH” kind of feels.

Wolf link sucks at singing

the first time I heard him howling Zelda’s Lullaby I lost my shit because LKSJLDKSGLKJFSKG god that was.,, Bad. Anyways, hearing him howl some of the songs from OoT was cute :)

TP STAFF ROLL??? 

VERY GOOD. IT’s like 10 minutes long and GOD do I love every single second of it. It doesn’t have the same energy as the skyward sword staff roll or the orchestra pieces but GOD does it hit good??

Nice and calm after that big exciting adventure. Maybe it would have been more fun or emotional to have a higher energy piece but it was really nice getting to sit back and watch the camera fly around Hyrule. Seeing like, the Gorons and the Zoras having a good time, the kids returning to Ordon? GOOD SHIT.

and AAAAA that end, when you hear the main Zelda theme and see Link riding off out of Faron woods on Epona… good shit. It gets you thinking, where the hell is he going? What is he doing? Off ot do more adventuring? Going to help out the resistance or something? Going to help Zelda? Or maybe he’s trying to figure out a way to restore the mirror of twilight? Whoooo knows.

hhHHHHhhh it’s just that final reminder that YES!!! YOU JUST PLAYED A ZELDA GAME. JUST ANOTHER STORY APART OF THE WHOLE EPIC OF THE ZELDA SERIES AS A WHOLE

I also want to acknowledge the instrument/samples they used for all the twili stuff.

They’re all just so unique and contrast SO well with the rest of the TP OST. LIKE FUCK!! Anytime I hear the screech from the Twilit Kargarok? Sends a shiver down my spine. I associate those sounds SO strongly with the twili realm. (Like, the same way you associate the BSHEWW VVWWMMM sounds with light sabers)

I love it so god damn much

literally any time there’s a certain sound or motif associated with something I lose my shit

Sacred grove sacred grove sacred gro-

lovely lovely lovely so much fun playing that on the piano. AND again, I did the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme when I heard the theme from the lost woods come in GHHHHHHHH

shoutout to TP Faron Woods for helping me study and get through all of my schoolwork

BLEGUUHHH can you tell that I really love music?

and also yea I guess TP is kinda cool too :\

IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT THANKS I GUESS

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Lovedust Pt.8 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: Y/N and Josh talk things over about where they stand as Y/N tries to build the courage to confess to Peter. One night on top of the roof, Y/N and Peter reveal any secrets they’ve been keeping from each other. 

Word Count: 5k

Author’s Note: This is technically the last part of Lovedust but there will be an epilogue. I was going to go a whole different direction and make it too angsty because sometimes, life works out that way but you guys deserve a happy ending ;) This series was only meant to be about three parts long but because of ow supportive and kind you all have been, I just have no words except thank you all so much. I will give a better thank you for the epilogue  but until then, enjoy the chapter. 

Warning: adult language

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six || part seven || part eight || epilogue 

You stared up at your bedroom ceiling quietly, picking at the stitching of your blanket to the point where you had about four inches of loose thread massaged between your thumb and middle finger.

Three minutes. 

Peter was presumed dead for three minutes as you were giving him CPR that was literally a race against the clock. One hundred eighty seconds was the span between life or death and you couldn’t help but think of what if you had stopped after a minute? What about one hundred and seventy-nine seconds?

Three minutes. Your mind was so fucked that the only thing you could compare the time to was that Peter was dead longer than the time it took to pop a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

You thought back to the time where you had gone to California with Tony where you were alone in the hotel room while he had a conference. You remembered how scared you felt when the ground started to shake underneath you as the earth rolled underneath.

That earthquake must’ve only lasted fifteen seconds tops and yet, you felt like it was an eternity of shielding yourself underneath one of the desks that would’ve surely broken if the roof caved in overhead.

It’s odd how times works, whenever you’re in a dangerous situation, your body literally slows downtime so you can have the best chance at survival. So while those three minutes didn’t seem like a long time, the lingering fear of losing Peter after everything sent your body through emotional distress like no other.

It felt like a cruel joke; you had only come to realize you were in love with him when he was dying in front of you. What was even crueler was that even though everything seemed less complicated now that you really understood how you felt about him, it was only the tip of the iceberg.

It had been a few days since you had seen Peter since the night of the party and you felt like you were slowly losing your sanity. Your dad tried convincing you that Peter needed to be monitored for a while but maybe he just wanted you two to stay away from each other since you practically almost killed him by kissing Josh.

You loved Peter and he “loved” you yet once he was cured, he wouldn’t share the same feelings for you. What would happen once he was cured? How different would things be between you, especially since you would be having feelings for someone who doesn’t love you back? 

Loving someone who surely wasn’t in love with you felt like a whole new level of self-destruction.

Your phone rang from underneath your pillow and temporarily interrupted your thoughts. You reached under the pillow to pull out your phone to find that Josh was calling you. 

You inhaled sharply as you practically leaped out from under your covers, unsure of what to do. 

The last you heard from Josh was the night of the party but just like Peter, you hadn’t seen or spoke to him since. That wasn’t the full truth, Josh had been texting you to make sure you were okay but you didn’t have the strength to even reply to his worried texts. 

Poor Josh. He felt like an innocent bystander who got hit in the crossfire of what was going on between you and Peter.

In past relationships, you were like Josh. Your past boyfriends seem to always treat you as a rebound, a backup in case things went south and as gross as it made you feel, it was like you could sort of understand why your exes felt that way.

You didn’t want to lead Josh on, he was too nice of a guy to deserve that type of treatment. Your thumb hovered over the screen and you answered his call at the last second. He deserved that at the least.

“ Hey sorry, I was um, preoccupied. Is everything okay?” You asked as you started to pace your room.

“ I was going to ask the same for you. You haven’t been answering my texts and I was getting worried.”

You bit the inside of your cheek as a wave of guilt washed over you,” Y-Yeah I’m sorry. I’ve just been going through some stuff. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“ You don’t have to apologize, I get it. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something in person, are you doing anything at the moment? 

You rolled your shoulders back as you let out a deep sigh. In all honesty, you didn’t feel like leaving your room but if you were going to pick Peter over Josh, you also would have to owe him an explanation.

“ Okay, where do you want to meet?”

“ We can meet outside your complex, I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“ Oh that’s probably easier anyway, when are you gonna come over?” You asked as you fell backwards onto your bed.

“ Um...I’m already outside.”

Your eyes widened as you scrambled over to your window to squint out towards the entrance. Sure enough, if you squinted really hard, you could make out Josh’s car outside the front gate.

“ Oh fuck! Sorry um, I’m coming out now!” You didn’t bother to let Josh respond as you hung up the phone and practically rushed out of your bedroom.

You practically sprinted across the front lawn all the way to the entrance and once you opened the gate, you leaned your body against the side of Josh’s car to help catch your breath.  

“ You didn’t have to run all the way here, I could’ve waited,” Josh said with a smile as he watched you struggling.

“ I know,” You huffed as you felt yourself calm down,” but it would have been awkward if you just stood there for five minutes and watched me walk the whole way.”

“ Okay, that’s fair,” Josh chuckled as he leaned against the side of his car beside you,” I wanted to talk to you about the night of the party. I just want to make sure you’re okay and I’m sorry if I overstepped by kissing you. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

You felt your heartstrings tug at his words as you looked down at your flip flops. You didn’t know how to explain to him that he wasn’t the one who overstepped but that the kiss was never supposed to happen. 

“ You don’t have to apologize Josh and you didn’t make me uncomfortable at all. It’s just...I know how you feel about me and don’t get me wrong, I’m so flattered that you actually like me because to be honest, you’re way out of my league but um,” You awkwardly rubbed your sweaty hands against your pajama bottoms and let out a shaky breath,” I thought things were fine and that they would go back to normal but um, things kinda just happened and you were there and I thought hey he’s cute, like super cute, and Kim was being so pushy-”

“ I know you have feelings for Peter, it’s okay Y/N,” Josh interrupted as he took a moment before wincing,” I didn’t mean to interrupt you but I had a feeling that’s where you were heading with it. Plus you ramble when you’re nervous and I don’t want you to say something embarrassing. ”

Bless his soul, Josh really would be the death of you.

“ Is it that obvious I like him?” 

“ Painfully obvious yeah. I kinda figured you two had something going on but after you gave him CPR and you two gave each other that look, that’s when it all clicked for me,” Josh said as you felt the tips of your ears get hot.

“ Josh, I am so sorry. I really mean it when I say that you’re the sweetest guy I have ever met and I really do wish you the best,” You answered honestly and you felt even guiltier when Josh only shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips.

You couldn’t believe that even now as you were telling Josh you didn’t share feelings for him that he was still being incredibly sweet towards you. 

“ Same goes for you, I hope he treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I have to be honest and say that I can’t get rid of my feelings for you overnight but hopefully we can be friends somewhere along the line,” Josh offered as you felt your heart snap in two.

As you looked back at Josh, that’s when you could really make out the distinct difference between the two boys. You weren’t sure if what Josh was saying was truthful, he was harder to read than Peter and even though his mouth was saying one thing, you could see that there was some pain behind his brown eyes that told a different story. 

Yet nonetheless, you admired that Josh, despite having the full right to completely guilt you and make you feel like shit because of what happened, still chose to put any malicious intent aside for your own good.  

“ Is it okay if I hug you?” You asked as Josh returned a sweet smile, embracing you in his strong arms. 

Despite the heaviness in Josh’s chest, he felt his heart flutter at the feeling of your body pressed against his. The hug was short but even in those few seconds, Josh felt himself trying to take a mental picture of this moment, something he would replay over and over as he did his best to get over you. 

After Josh had left, you made your way back into your cave and hid out in your room for the rest of the night. You had school first thing in the morning and yet, you found yourself tossing and turning yet again. 

To cure your restless mind, you left your room and headed into the kitchen to make tea. You were never the type to drink tea but you didn’t have the patience to just lay in bed, at least this way you were occupying your mind with something else.

As the water boiled, you kept your eyes on Peter’s bedroom door, your knee bouncing up and down as if you were anticipating him opening it. You wondered how he was feeling, considering he almost died and all.

You just wished you could have the confidence to just go up and talk to him, to admit that it was him all along and that you chose him. 

You poured the tea into a mug and cradled it in your hands carefully as a pair of feet made their way into the kitchen. You turned around, anticipating Peter’s face but instead, you looked up to see your dad.

“ You didn’t hear it from me but Peter is up on the roof waiting for you. Just in case if you were wondering,” Tony said as he nonchalantly dragged his finger across the countertop and peeked his head towards your tea,” aren’t you glad I made you learn CPR? I know it was part of your lifeguard course but I’m glad it came in handy.”

“  Too soon,” You sighed as you watched your dad haphazardly look through the cupboards,” and I wasn’t wondering about Peter. I’m just minding my own business and then I’m heading to bed.”

“ Minding your own business? That’s not the Y/N I know.”

“ Well, what would the Y/N you know do?” You asked as you looked down at the inside of your mug,” am I supposed to just run over to the roof and profess my love for him?” 

Tony furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head,” I never said anything about love kiddo but the Y/N I know loves to talk so yeah, I expect some emotional reunion of the sort. You’ve always been known to be a bit theatrical.”

“ And who do you think I get that from?”

“ The one and only Potts,” Tony chuckled as a small smile crept onto your lips,” I don’t know what to say because I don’t think I can bring myself to give my daughter relationship advice about a guy who lives only a few doors down. If anything, it’s against my best interest but I will make this the one exception where I will intervene simply because if I don’t, no one else will. I think you should talk to Peter. He’s been through a lot and he has some things he needs to talk to you about.”

” Well he’s the one avoiding me so maybe he should come over and say it to my face,” You didn’t know why you turned so aggressive but you took a small sip of your tea to try and ease your nerves,” I know he’s been through a lot but we both have. That night of the party was just...too much for me. ”

“ You really are my daughter, always making it about you. You gotta give the kid a break.”

“ I- Dad it is all about me. That night fucking-not sorry- sucked and I don’t know what else to say. I jumped into a pool with my clothes on and I thought Peter was dead-”

“ But he’s not dead. He’s alive and breathing and waiting for you on the roof like I told you,” Tony interrupted as you exhaled slowly,” you love him, it’s a fathers worst nightmare but even I can see clear as day that you have feelings for him, are you going to tell me I’m wrong?”

You liked to think you knew yourself better than anyone else and for the most part, it was true. Tony was probably the closest to knowing who you really were as a person and yet, everything he was saying still wasn’t enough to make you less paranoid.

“ I wouldn’t say you’re wrong but I’m too scared to say out loud that you’re right,” You said as Tony rolled his eyes,” what? What did I say?”

“ You love to talk and yet, you never say enough. I don’t have the patience to stand here and listen to you beat around the bush,” Tony kneeled down towards one of the cupboards and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the shelf,” you have a problem. Let me know how things go with Peter. Or don’t. I’ll find out anyway.”

You stood there, mouth wide open as you watched Tony playfully bump into your shoulder, what a bastard,” Yeah sure! You’re the one drinking at three am but I’m the problem?”

Tony only gave you a hasty wave before turning the corner to where the elevators were, leaving you alone in the kitchen. He was right, everything he was saying made perfect sense and yet, it annoyed you on how right he was.

You had absolutely no idea how to start a conversation with Peter now that you were sure of your feelings and yet, all you wanted to do was find him and reveal everything to him. You looked between your bedroom door and the elevators. You could either go back to bed or you could talk to Peter and nervously choke on your words like a schoolgirl.

Fuck no.

You walked over to your room with your mug in one hand but before you could open the door, your legs started to move in the direction of the elevators, seemingly with a mind of their own.

Fuck it.

You stepped into the elevator and made your way up the floors until you hit the roof access. You hardly spent any of your time on the roof since you had no reason to ever be up there in the first place but once you opened the door,  you were immediately taken aback.

The greenroof took up almost half of the roof itself, the addition being nothing more than a general garden area to look aesthetically pleasing from the sky. Since most of the energy needed to run the facility was either solar or space related, the greenroof was more of a private garden that didn’t account for energy efficiency.

A mixture of moss and summer grass covered the roof in a thick blanket that never grew beyond the border of the garden and at first glance, the brightly freckled flowers planted along the pathway seemed random but as you walked down the graveled path, you could tell that there was some element of planning that went along with it.

Along the pathway stood different hues of green bonsai trees that stood tall and proud in their wooden boxes. You were so focused on the bonsais that you didn’t notice Peter sitting on one of the benches about a couple of yards away.

Your breath hitched in your throat but your feet continued to crunch along the graveled pathway as you made your way over to him. From Peter’s spot underneath the patio, he could hear you walking towards him but kept his eyes looking straight forward, unable to tear them away from the cityscape in the far distance.

You hesitantly took a seat beside Peter on the wooden bench and tucked your legs back so you could rest the mug on your thigh. The lights that Peter had strung up a few weeks back had lost it’s brightness, leaving behind a faded orange glow in its place but it was just the right amount of light needed to where you could read his expression carefully.

“ How are you feeling?” You asked quietly as you attempted to get a feel for what mindset Peter was in.

“ Good, I feel good,” Peter said back, almost quieter than the volume you started out with,” how are you feeling?”

While both of your minds were racing at the thought of the other person, the thoughts suddenly felt almost too personal, the atmosphere being instantly filled with the conversations you two weren’t having.

Out of the two of you, Peter felt like he had more to share and yet, more to hide. You were still completely clueless on the following; A) Peter was cured B) You cured him because of the kiss and C) He loved you back

It seemed like a dream come true, Peter was still in love with you without the lovedust and you felt the same way towards him and yet, he was still terrified. As everything began to feel more and more real, suddenly the idea of being with you made his chest tighten up.

He never knew if he could ever admit it outloud but he was scared that you liked him back because what if after all this time, after all the trials and tribulation the two of you had gone through, what if you two still didn’t work out?

There was so much history between the two of you and he was worried that all of the heartbreak and pining wouldn’t be worth it in the end. He loved you so much to where he knew that he needed you no matter what. It only hurt him more to think that from your last argument, you couldn’t even bring yourself to admit to him that you loved him. 

Now that you were here in front of him, Peter would make sure you wouldn’t leave without hearing you say it back. 

As Peter tried to carefully put his thoughts in order like he had practiced, you thought back to what your dad had told you and decided that you needed to start somewhere and you had to do that by being honest.

“ I’ve been struggling these last couple of days with what happened at the party. I can’t tell how you guilty I feel for putting you through so much pain and I wish I could take it all back. I feel so guilty because it was my fault you died- did you know that? I know the paramedics talked to you but you were dead for three minutes Peter and honestly, that was one of the worst moments of my life. I mean it’s up there with what happened to my parents,” You paused as you remembered to take a breath,” I don’t know what I would’ve done if something had happened to you.”

Peter felt his mouth dry up and for a moment, it was hard to swallow,” You didn’t kill me, you saved me. I still feel like I might be in shock from it all but I don’t blame you for anything that happened. I’m sorry I even put you through that cause I’m sure it was...a lot. But don’t ever say that you killed me, none of it was your fault.”

“ It was my fault. If it wasn’t for me and Josh-,” You stopped yourself before saying more. You didn’t want to talk about Josh, all you cared about was Peter but now, the thought was evident in Peter’s mind and he couldn’t seem to shake it out of him.

The image of you kissing Josh replayed in Peter’s head over and over again as his heart ached. Josh made things more complicated than they already were.

Peter’s biggest fear was losing you but to lose you to another guy? And yet, it still made Peter feel like he was between a rock and a hard place because Peter had only meant Josh on one occasion and it was enough to give Peter an idea that Josh didn’t have cruel intentions towards you.

Just because you loved Peter didn’t mean that you didn’t have feelings for Josh and that’s what made Peter crazy. You must’ve liked Josh enough to return the kiss right?

“ He’s a good guy, I see why you like him,” Peter finally said as he shifted awkwardly in his seat, not knowing what else to say,” he would make you happy.”

The comment shakes you in an uncomfortable way, was that supposed to make you feel better? Your annoyance was jealousy in disguise, you didn’t want to talk about Josh, you were here to tell Peter how you actually felt about him but because of how Peter was delivering it, it seemed like he was giving you an out.

“ It’s not- I don’t like Josh like that.”

“ You kissed him, I saw the whole thing. Do you just go around kissing people you supposedly don’t like?” Peter couldn’t help himself and let the words slip out so easily.

It was a low blow and the two of you both knew it. 

It took every fiber of your being not to lash out at the accusation because you knew Peter had a right to be upset but you didn’t like what he was insinuating and you didn’t want the conversation to take a bad turn,” You don’t have to worry about Josh anymore. If you want me to be honest, yes, I thought there was something there but things changed. I came to talk to you because my dad said you needed to tell me something important but if you’re going to just sit here and belittle me, I’m not gonna take it. I get it, the lovedust is messing with your emotions but I’m extremely sensitive tonight, more than usual so just come back to me when you’re calm.”

You got up from your seat with a quickness but before you could step off the patio, Peter grabbed your wrist and pulled you back towards the corner of the bench.

Peter felt like such an idiot, whenever he got anxious on the fine details, he had a tendency to let the big picture escape him but it was something he knew he needed to work on while he was around you. He wasn’t going to let the conversation die just before it had started, he knew his big mouth tended to escalate conversations with you but he couldn’t let you go, not this time.

“ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m just frustrated because this feels so one-sided. I never know what you’re thinking because you never tell me anything. You always avoid answering the question but I need more,” Peter practically begged as you felt yourself get a bit aggravated,” I am being calm but I’m desperate at this point. I need to know how you feel about me, don’t try to change the subject, I need to know. Tell me how I make you feel.”

Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth as you pulled your hand away from Peter so you could regain your thoughts without him distracting you. You were suddenly chickening out, you had never felt so nervous in your entire life and you wanted to tell him how much you loved him. You wanted to tell him what he wanted to hear but it wasn’t easy taking a step forward when you don't know where your foot will fall.

“ This is hard for me Peter, I’m trying my best and I’m sorry if it isn’t good enough but ever since the lovedust, the dynamic is different and you’ve changed. It’s so much to get used to because of...how I feel towards you,” You said as Peter let out a frustrated breath.

He hated this feeling of going back and forth, he didn’t want to hear any of it. All he wanted was to just shake your shoulders because in his mind, you had no reason to be hesitant on opening up to him,” The lovedust didn’t change just me, it changed you too! I was vulnerable and I opened up to you, I showed you how I felt about you every second of the day but you have given me nothing!”

Nothing.

That word made your blood boil because nothing? Just because it was hard for you to let your emotions out didn’t mean Peter was getting nothing back in return. Since he was infected with the lovedust, you had been doing your best to open yourself more to him and you thought you had been doing a good job.

After all those years of Peter belittling you and tearing you down, of course, you would be a bit hesitant to let down your guard and yet, you did it anyway. It took so much to get to where you were comfortable with Peter to be vulnerable, especially when you broke down from your nightmare of your parents.

To break down and crumble in front of Peter wasn’t an accident, you could only be that vulnerable if you knew that he could help piece you back together.

“ Nothing? I gave you nothing?” You spat as you felt your eyes tear up,” I saved your life! I gave you the breath in my lungs to stop you from dying! I don’t owe you anything, I don’t need to prove shit to you!”

Peter stood up from the bench and while his heart ached from seeing you so upset, he knew that he couldn’t hold back,” Don’t pull that with me Y/N, you know you haven’t been honest with me. We both know that we can’t live without the other so don’t act like you did me a favor by saving me. Why won’t you admit it, even after everything we’ve been through, you’re still scared to just admit that you might love me!”

And just like that, you felt yourself let go.

“Of course I’m scared! I’m fucking terrified Peter! Is that what you want me to say? Do you want me to admit that me almost losing you would’ve broken me? Because you’re right! Yes, I love you!” You cried out as you took in a shaky breath,” I love you so much it hurts me and I didn’t understand how badly I loved you until I almost lost you! All I could think about when I was trying to save you was never hearing your laugh and never feeling your touch and I swear Peter, if you died, I would’ve never forgiven myself. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it but I love you.  But none of it matters, you know why? Because you’re sick in the head, the lovedust is fucking with you and now it’s fucking with me!”

There it was, finally. After all of that time denying it and trying to hide your feelings to save your own sanity, you finally confessed. You had so many chances to confess that yes, it really was him all along. 

When he came into your room and comforted you through your nightmare to the two of you shouting at each other in the rain, you had always loved him. 

Even though Peter knew how you felt about him, this was the first time he heard it with his own ears and it was like hearing the symphony for the first time. Like your own soundtrack that swelled during the climax of the movie that was you and Peter, Peter could listen to you say it over and over again.

He didn’t care that most of your confession involved a string of swear words because, without them, it wouldn’t have been your true self. He knew once he admitted to you that he was cured, there would be no going back.

“ The lovedust is gone Y/N. When you kissed me- or saved me by giving mouth to mouth- the lovedust flushed out of my system completely. Banner did extra tests and he confirmed that I’m okay and back to normal all because of you.”

Your heart dropped to the floor as your eyes raked up Peter, testing to see if he was lying but he didn’t falter. This is what you were afraid of, confessing everything to him only to find out that he didn’t love you anymore but who would’ve thought it would be you to make him go back to normal.

And yet, a huge part of you was relieved because finally, the lovedust was gone. You didn’t need to worry about it ever screwing with you and Peter again but as you studied his expression, your chest felt heavy.  

You had seemingly set up your own demise,” Oh, that’s good...I’m happy for you.”

You felt yourself take a step back but Peter reached his hand out to softly hold yours. You pulled your hand away but Peter swatted your stubbornness away and held your hand tighter. He rubbed his thumb over your knuckles and when he looked back up at you, he felt his heart swell.

“ And yet, even though the pain is gone, I feel more love for you now than I have ever felt in my entire life. I understand what they mean when they say love hurts but if anything, it heals even more because you made me feel whole again. When you saved me and the first thing I saw was you looking back at me, it was like I was given a second chance to love you the right way, the way you were meant to be loved.”

“You were right, the lovedust made me fall in love with you but ever since you cured me, it was only a matter of admitting to myself that deep down, I’ve always cared about you. It opened my eyes and showed me that I will never have to look further in finding the one for me because you are everything and more,” Peter said as you moved your eyes from the floor to his figure,” I love you. I mean it. No exceptions, no strings attached, no lovedust required.”

Right then and there, you were at a loss for everything you could possibly hold; no words, no breath, no thoughts. Any resentment you held had shattered into microscopic pieces that would dissolve once crushed between something as delicate as your fingertips because he said everything you wanted to hear.

“ You love me?” You said quietly to where Peter made you repeat yourself,” Are you serious? Do you really mean it?”

Peter nodded and softly let out an ‘ of course I do’ as he brushed his fingers lightly over your cheek. He cupped your face gently with one hand as his thumb wiped away a stray tear,” Can I finally kiss you?”  

Peter’s cheeks grew red as you nodded and leaned into his touch, innocently brushing your lips against his. Peter dipped his head down to close the space between the two of you and kissed you so softly, you had to pull him closer to you to actually kiss him back.

Even though Peter was the one who asked, he felt completely unprepared kissing you back. He had imagined over and over how warm your lips would be against his but now that he was actually kissing you, he didn’t think he had enough self-control to ever stop kissing you.

You never knew a kiss could be innocent and yet so intimate but as his lips moved in perfect sync, any other logistics of the feeling went away because all you could think about was Peter. You practically melted into his touch but before you could savor the kiss, Peter pulled away breathless.

“ S-Sorry, I forgot to breathe,” Peter gushed as you smiled back up at him,” what does this mean for us now?”

You traced your finger along Peter’s wrist as you thought quietly,” I don’t know but we can figure it out together.”

Peter hummed happily before dipping his head down to kiss you and when he pulled away, he fell himself falling in love with you all over again.

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[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Hey, Stranger

alright guys, gals, and non binary pals! I present to you ‘Sex with a Stranger (but not really a stranger)’! so excited to be a part of @berrynarrybanana ‘sex bucket list fic challenge! theres a ton of talented ass writers participating in this, so be sure to check it out!

here is 6.5k words of absolute filth and smut! literally this stuff is filthy i was shook myself

masterlist

A well deserved break was in your favor. 

A long break that had to do with a lot of drinking and perhaps fucking, if you’re lucky enough tonight. 

Work has been stressful lately. Being the CEO of an up and coming makeup brand has its perks. The new season called for a new line of makeup and the whole process would start again. The countless meetings with the design team, marketing team, and the factory; all while hoping everything runs smoothly. 

It was the busiest season of the year trying to come up with new and better ideas for your brand, and hoping everyone likes it. 

Needless to say, you needed a break. A well deserved break at that. 

It’s been a while since you properly went out by yourself. You’re not even sure if you’ve ever been out by yourself, especially to a bar. It was a last minute decision that you told yourself that you were going to step out and have a drink after work, and it would’ve been too late to call anyone up considering it was 8 at night. 

Work had been keeping you at the office later than usual, and you hated it. You were a firm believer of having downtime and taking care of your body and skin after work, but you get home so late that all you want to do is crash; not given enough time to relax. 

But it was Friday night and you thought that a drink to celebrate the end of the working week was enough to go out. 

You walked through the door of the bar, seeing that there were a good amount of people there, but it wasn’t too overcrowded. You took a seat at the counter, and the bartender had already seen you, making his way to you. 

“Hi. Can I get a shot of tequila please?” 

“Sure thing,” he replied and quickly took out a shot glass and reached for the tequila bottle that was at the top of the shelf, and poured it. “Want a lime? Or a chaser to go with that?” He asks as he sets the glass right in front of you. 

“Nah, I’m good. Thank you.” Without a thought, you downed it, letting the burning liquid run down your throat. The bartender was still in front of you, an impressive look on his face. “Can I get another please?” He nods, and pours you another, which you gulp it quickly. He waits for you to ask for another, “I’m okay right now. I’ll call you if I want another, thanks,” he nods and serves his other customers. 

You start eating the peanuts that were set right in front of you as you remembered that you didn’t have much to eat before; just a small salad with coffee for lunch. No wonder why you were so hungry, practically devouring the whole bowl of peanuts. 

“Pretty impressive to down two shots in a row,” a man takes a seat right next to you. You couldn’t help but think how attractive he is. His hair was short and slightly curly at the top along. Overall, his face was just too pretty. 

“Why, were you watching me?” You tease. 

“How could I not when a pretty girl walks into a bar and orders two shots and downs them back to back?” He smirks and your face is hot. The two shots and very little food you’ve eaten had made your face fluster. 

“Wow, that whole thing you said sounded like a song. Are you a musician?” He laughs, genuinely laughs. The whole head thrown back and his fist banging on the counter. 

“Of some sorts. I’m Harry,” he takes his hand out to shake, and you take it.

“Nice to meet you, Harry.” 

“And you are?” 

“Whatever you want to call me tonight,” you smirk. 

“Oh, so we’re playing like that, huh?” His brows raise and you nod, giving him a ‘mhm.’ “Well, if that’s the case, I reckon we’re gonna have a lot of fun tonight,” his eyes turn dark and you have no idea what you’re in for, but oh, you’re so ready for it. 

“Tell me,” he starts and you raise your eyebrows, “tell me what you like being called.” 

“Hmm. There’s a few that I can think of,” you think up, pretending to think.

“Yeah? Care to share?” 

“I think I’ll save that for when it happens,” you tease. 

“And when do you think it’ll happen?” He smirks. 

The sexual tension between you two is insanely thick. With back and forth teasing and smirking, you two are building up the tension and connection, and there is absolutely no doubt that you have a connection with this stranger. 

“I think it’ll happen a lot sooner than you think,” you give him a look as if you’re saying ‘how does that sound?’ 

“Do you mind if I touch you?” He suddenly asks. 

“Quite the gentleman you are when you’re going to tear me up tonight,” you joke, but quite literally meaning it.  

“Always a gentleman out of the bed, but don’t expect me to be nice to you in bed,” he tests. 

“Oh, I don’t expect you to be. Want you to go for it. And by the way, yes you can touch me.” 

Harry grabs your hand, caressing it. It had surprised you because you had expected him to go somewhere less innocent than holding hands. You feel the soft rubs of his thumb, gently rubbing over your skin, and the small touch of his sends electrical sparks throughout your body. You’ve never felt like this. The slightest touch of someone you don’t know and had just met had this effect on you, and it blew your mind. 

“What are you trying to do, Harry?” You take a deep breath as he begins rubbing your leg. He starts off slow, starting at the knee, testing to see if it was okay, and when he looked up at you, he saw you nod and began circling his single finger across your thigh. 

He made all sorts of patterns across your thigh, and you had wished that you were wearing a skirt or shorts just so you could feel it on your actual skin, but the thick barrier of denim was in the way. 

Harry’s face was close to yours and you think he’s about to kiss you, but his face steers him next to your ear. You feel his run closer to your heated core, but not just there yet. He was running his finger in your inner thigh, making you squirm in your seat and hit breaths coming out of your mouth, hitting Harry’s ear. 

“I’m trying to get you ready. Is that okay?” He finally answers your question, and you had totally forgotten that you had asked that due to the distraction of an insanely hot man teasing you to your death. 

“Get me ready for what exactly?” 

“I’m sure you know what.” 

“Hmm, rather have you tell me,” you hear him take a breath in and out. What you don’t expect next was that his finger had made its way in between your thighs, pushing down on your clit. The feeling had totally shocked you, not expecting him to touch you in such an open and public place, but you honestly are far from caring. 

“Wanna lick and eat your pussy when I take you back to my place. I want you to cum all over my mouth that your legs give out. Then I’m gonna fuck you so hard, you’re sore. Gonna fuck you till you remember me for the next guy you wanna fuck because let’s face it, darling, all you’ll be thinking about is me. You’re gonna come back to my cock and begging me to fuck you over and over again,” he tells you sensually in your ear, all while pressing down on your clit and moving his thumb around. The friction between your thick jeans and his finger felt amazing, and it took so much in you to not buck your hips into his finger. “How does that sound?” He says, coming face to face with you. 

The dominant side of him is showing heavily. But you were one to not put down a fight. 

“That sounds great, in all honesty, and I would absolutely love that. But I’ll believe it when you show me. You could be all talk for all I know,” you’re practically challenging him to your death. You know this guy would fuck you good. Hell, the way he’s just talking to you is leaving you a stain on your panties from your arousal. 

“You’re testing me, darling,” he shakes his head. “But if you really wanna know, how about I take you to my place right now and I’ll show you?” He stands from his stool. 

You shrug your shoulders, “okay,” you stand as well, grabbing your purse. “But aren’t you gonna kiss me first?” Harry raises his eyebrows, shocked this woman is even asking that when he’s literally about to fuck her brains out. “What? All I’m thinking is that what if our first kiss is horrible when we get back to yours? So if the kiss is horrible then the sex will definitely be worse,” you know you’re on his last nerve, and you’re surprised he hasn’t moved on to the next girl to pull his moves on, but he seems to be enjoying the bantering. 

“Okay, that’s fair. Can I kiss you darling?” Harry asks just like the gentleman he is. 

“Yes. Please kiss me,” you plead. 

Harry wastes no time in connecting your lips together. Soft lips that mold together when they become one. The taste of alcohol on each other’s tongue can drive you both drunk; drunk in one another’s taste, lips, hold. You had wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he wraps his around your waist. The two of you both kiss each other in the middle of the bar, not giving a single fuck that people are still around and they can obviously see. You’re so caught up in him, he’s so caught up in you that neither of you don’t care to stop. 

The only thing that does make you two stop was the drop of glass shattering, startling the both of you to pull away from one another. Some random guy had dropped his drink, making a complete mess on the ground, and all the attention was turned on him. Luckily, away from you and Harry. 

“How was that?” He asks, in hopes that you would still let him take you home, 

“It was good. Really good.” There was no point in playing with him if he’s actually good in bed. You knew that the first time he sat next to you. But god, that tongue is driving you crazy, and it’s sending so many thoughts of what else that tongue can do to your body. 

“Then let’s save the rest for later, darling. Reckon we put on a show,” he chuckles, placing his hand on your lower back to guide you through the door. “Really not gonna tell me your name yet?” 

“Hmm, nah. Maybe after you fuck me. I believe you’re already too attached,” you tease. 

Harry laughs and shakes his head, and thinks this girl is gonna be the death of me. 

The ride to his house was anything but awkward. Harry had called his driver, not wanting to risk driving even though he’s only had one drink, but really he just wanted to be close to you. You’ve never met someone who has their own personal driver, and it amazed you how much money this guy has. Not like you were interested in the money because frankly, you were only in it for the hot sex you’re about to have with, but damn! Hot stranger with hot sex and hot money? Why the fuck not. 

As soon as the door shut and the car started moving, he grabbed your face and pressed his lips against yours. He told you that he was saving the kisses for later, but he couldn’t help it. Your lips were irresistible that he needed to feel it against his again, along with other places, but he’s only a handful of minutes away and then he’ll be graced with the beauty of her lips around his cock. 

His aching and hard cock, to be exact. 

Once the car comes to a stop, he thanks his driver and leads you out the car and to his front door. You stand behind him as he tries getting the right key into the slot, but he’s shaking and anxious because of his excitement. 

You made the bold move to reach over and palm his bulge. Harry’s breath hitches in his throat as he continues fumbling with his keys. Your front is pressed to Harry’s back, squeezing him through his pants. You can tell he’s big and ready to be taken care of. 

“Never gonna get in the house if you keep doing that,” he moans out, finally relieving some of the pressure that went straight to his cock. 

“Sorry, couldn’t help but notice how hard you were when we were in the car, so I had to feel for myself,” you say against his back, kissing him through his shirt. He turns his head to the side, so you could hear what he’s about to say loud and clear. 

“Keep it up or I’m fucking you against the door that you’ll be screaming my name so loud that you would wake up my neighbors.” 

“You act like I’m opposed to that,” you giggle, but he takes your hands away from his dick, practically throwing it off.

He turns around slightly towards you, and his eyes darken, “be good.” You practically go silent after that as he turns back around.

He finally unlocks the door, pulling you instead to his house before smashing your lips against his. The quick movements had shocked you as you tried observing his wealthy home, but didn’t get a chance to due to his lips. 

Heated kisses dominate your mouth as your back hits the closed door. His tongue repeatedly touches yours, making your knees weak, and if it wasn’t for Harry holding you so tight, you would have definitely fallen. 

It was like you were finally waiting for this moment to come. The tension at the bar was so sharp that just upon meeting each other, there was a pool in your panties and a hard on in his pants. 

And to which, the arousal you both had are both hot and ready to devour one another to pleasure. 

“Can I touch you?” He one last time, knowing that this time you were turning in your full permission and submission. He already knew you were weak for him when you had said yes the first time, but again, he is a gentleman. 

You nod and lift the hem of his shirt up a bit, raking your nails on his love handles as you earned a moan from his that directed to your mouth. Harry unbuttons your jeans and pulls down the zipper, not finding enough time to fully take your pants off before his hands are down your pants already. His fingers find your clit, rubbing it gently in slow circles and he feels your wetness lubricating his fingers. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he whispers out. You only nod, not wanting to speak but only wanting your lips to be occupied by him. His finger finally touching your raw and bare pussy sent shivers down your spine. You were waiting for it ever since he had gotten close to you. 

He pulls his lips back from yours and starts kissing your neck as he undos the buttons of your shirt, and lifts it up and over your head, leaving you in just your bra and jeans. He trails down to your collarbones and works the latches of your bra, unhooking it to reveal your breasts. 

“Your tits, holy shit,” he immediately takes on your nipples, sucking and biting it while grabbing the other and fondling it, and switches and does the same. Once he’s done, he kisses his way down to your stomach, pulling your jeans down fully along with your panties. 

You had worn a red lace cheeky panty, feeling the most confident in sexy underwear. “Gonna have to see you in that another time, love,” the thought of him saying another time had made your heart drop. You couldn’t deny the connection between you two. Although not knowing him well enough emotionally, the physical connection was so strong. 

“Fucking lick me already,” you pant out breathlessly, already feeling heated from his teasing kisses. 

“Alright, alright,” you had expected him to lick you up already, but he still continues with kissing your skin and sometimes sucking on it, leaving a hickey. He kisses your pubic bone and thighs before hiking one leg up to rest on his shoulder, and starts licking a strike up your heated core. 

Harry flicks his tongue on your clit many times before sucking on it as you're a moaning mess standing above him. You grab a fistful of his curls before slightly bucking your hips, grinding against his tongue. The sensation running through your body is powerful, and you're lucky your leg is on Harry’s shoulder or else you would have collapsed. 

“Fuck, yessss,” you moan out as you continue grinding on his tongue. Harry stops you from moving by pulling back a little before inserting two fingers inside your pussy and continues flicking his tongue on your clit. His fingers curl up to meet the spongy spot inside of you, taking you to the brink of your orgasm. “Keep doing that,” he doesn’t stop fingering you and you continue with your motion from before, needing to feel pressure on your clit with his tongue. 

“Taste so good, baby,” he says quickly before proceeding to lick and suck your clit. 

“Mhm,” you whine out, “I’m gonna cum, baby,” you say as your hips buck. 

“Cum on my face, please. Need it,” he urges out, continuing to curl his fingers into your pussy. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” you had felt like a water balloon inside you had exploded, feeling the overwhelming pleasure of your orgasm. Harry lets go of your leg that was resting on his shoulder and kisses your clit once more and the inside of your thighs, before kissing up to your lips. When you put your foot down on the ground, you were welcomed by a wet floor. You tried looking down at the mess you’ve made, but Harry’s lips caught yours, and you feel his wet chin that’s dripping your inside fluids off of his chin and down to your chest and the taste of your orgasm on his lips, making the scene so erotic and filthy. 

“Be careful, you might slip. Let’s go to the bedroom, yeah? Maybe you can make a mess on my sheet like you did my floor. Didn’t know I got squirted in my hands,” he grabs the back of your thighs, hoisting you up and your legs go around his waist. You were about to kiss him, feeling lost without it, but he needed to watch his step as he turned out, not wanting to slip and hurt both of you. 

He carries you to the bedroom as you kiss his face and his neck, and it takes so much in him not to just fuck you where he’s standing. Once he finally sees the bed, he makes sure he’s close enough before he practically throws you on it. A squealing yelp comes out of your mouth as you giggle slightly. 

Harry was still fully clothed as you’re fully naked, but you wanted to change that as soon as possible. You motion him to come towards you with your finger, and he walks towards the edge of the bed, standing above you. You sit on your knees on the bed, and lift his shirt up halfway so he could take it off. And once he does, you admire his body. His beautiful body that you’ve been aching to see. The one that doesn’t compare to anyone else, and all you want to do is love on him and fuck him. 

“Fuck, look at you,” you breathe out before you kiss his neck and trail down to his chest. His tattooed chest was something you wanted to look out forever. You wanted to kiss each and every single one of his inked designs, but you do that to what is right in front of you. You kiss the swallow tattoos, kissing down the middle and stopping at his pecs. You lick one of his nipples and do the same to the other, and Harry had not expected you to do that at all, but he isn’t complaining. You then trail down to the butterfly on his stomach, kissing it loads before going down to the ferns that lay at the bottom. His body is so sexy, so magnifying, and you wanted to engulf every single inch of him. 

You managed to get his belt off, and start working on the button and his zipper, pulling it down just enough to see the entirety of his underwear. Harry quickly takes off his jeans and kicks them to the side as he stands in just his underwear. You continue kissing his stomach, deciding that you weren’t done leaving a trail of your lips all over his body so he wouldn’t forget about this night. You fondle him over his briefs, relieving some of the pressure that is his hard cock, and Harry moans. 

A smile is present on your mouth, happy to hear his sensual moan. “So hard for me already,” you look up through your lashes. 

“Been hard since the moment I laid my eyes on you,” he looks down at you, and you smile, blushing at his statement. 

You finally release the restraint that is his underwear, and his dick springs up. You lick your lips hungrily, looking up at him. “You’re so fucking big, holy shit.” 

“Stroking my ego, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah, and stroking your cock,” you lick your hand and grab a hold of him, stroking your hand up and down, working him up. As your hand works against him, you suck the skin of his hip, leaving multiple hickeys on his skin. 

You finally lick up his cock from base to tip, and take his tip inside your mouth, sucking lightly. You then take more of him, hollowing your cheeks. 

“Yeah, baby. Do it like that,” Harry groans out. He pushes all of your hair to one side, so he could see your face. You were in an all fours position, and it was hurting your back and neck, but you didn’t care; only wanting Harry to feel the pleasure right now. 

You start taking more of him, feeling the tip hit the back of your throat and your nose pressed up against his pubic bone. Harry moans get stuck in his throat and you release him. 

“Like that? Like when you can feel the back of my throat? Like when you’re in my mouth? Huh…daddy?” The name had slipped and you didn’t expect it. But it had turned you on even more, and you were hoping it did the same to him. 

And oh, it did. 

His eyes turn dark as he looks down at you with his cock in your hand, pumping it. He smirks, grabbing a fistful of your hair, bringing you up to his lips. Your forehead is pressed against his and his lips graze yours, and you want to desperately kiss them. And you try to, but he tugs your hair back. 

“You wanna call me daddy? Yeah? Be a good little girl and suck daddy’s cock, and let’s see if you have the honor of calling me that. Got it?” You nod, not trusting your voice and also surprised how fast his tone changed. He pushes your head back down to his cock and you take him back in your mouth. Your mouth works on him, having to move from side to side because of the position you're in, which causes your whole body to move as well. 

From Harry's view, he’s got the view of your naked back and your ass. He lets one hand go from your hair and reaches forward to slap one cheek causing you to moan around him. “Fuck, you’re such a good girl,” he whispers out, feeling the vibrations from your moans straight to his dick. 

The second time he said the pet name, it made you clench. It caused your thighs to slightly close and make you moan around his cock. And Harry notices and he thinks he hit the jackpot.

He pulls out of your mouth again and brings your face to his with both hands on the sides of your face. 

“You like that, huh? Like being called a good girl? Didn’t wanna fucking tell me your name because you wanted me to call you good girl. Think you were being a good girl? I certainly don’t think so. Do you think so?” Your hair was a wild mess, mouth still wide open like his big cock had jammed it open. He slips his thumb in your mouth, “answer me.” 

“No, don’t think I was.” 

“Exactly, I didn’t think you were either. But since you wanna be called that so bad, prove to me that you are by sucking me good,” he lets go of you and you bend down to continue sucking him. 

He starts bucking his hips, fucking your mouth, and hitting the back of your throat causing you to gag around him. It had felt amazing to him, having you gag around him, but decided to stop, not wanting to hurt you. 

“Do it again? Want you to fuck my mouth,” you beg. He doesn’t hesitate to thrust into your mouth, starting off slowly though, not wanting to push you. 

After a thrusting a few or more times, he starts holding your head when he reaches the back of your throat and your face is pushed up against his body. You tried your very best not to push away; opening your mouth wider than ever and relaxing your throat. Harry pulls you off of him and a string of saliva hangs from your lips to his tip. 

“Fuck, you’re fucking mouth, baby,” he pulls your face up to meet his, giving you a heated kiss. “You may call me daddy. Your mouth is so filthy already. Sucking me so good. You definitely are a good girl.” He kisses your lips and moves down to your neck. 

“Thank you, daddy.”

Now that foreplay is out of the way, he can’t wait to stuff himself inside of you. He had gone to get a condom, but you told him that you were clean and was on the pill, and said that he could go bare as long as he was clean. He immediately agreed and told you that he was clean and he just recently got tested, and if you wanted to see the result. You laughed, telling him no and that you trusted him. 

You lay on your back against the pillows and he hovers over you, giving you a few kisses before he reaches between you and lined himself up with your pussy. 

He finally pushes in and you both let out a moan in a sigh of relief. The feeling of the two of you connected, increased your arousal as Harry started thrusting in and out of you. Your hands were placed on his hips, pulling him close if possible; wanting him close as he pounds into you. 

“Feels so good,” your head throws back onto the pillows. Harry grabs both of your arms from around his waist before lifting them up above your head, holding your wrists in one hand. The other hand places a hand on one of your breasts, squeezing it harshly. 

“Yeah? Who feels good, baby?” He drives even deeper into you. 

“You, daddy. You feel so good,” you practically scream out. 

“God, baby girl, you feel amazing,” his head is thrown back in ecstasy, feeling you coat his cock with your arousal. 

“Thank you, daddy,” you bite your lip and innocently look him in the eye, but you’re far from innocent, 

“No, thank you. Just met and you’re already calling me daddy. Fuck, where have you been all my life?” He continued to thrust like there’s no tomorrow—harder, deeper, and all you could do is take it and moan. 

“Been so…lost…without you. Harder, please.” You feel yourself start slipping. Your head begins to feel dizzy as he relentlessly attacks your pussy with his cock. The pain and pleasure had taken over your mind, swirling and jumbling your words and thoughts. 

“My good baby girl wants it harder, huh?” You nod as you shut your eyes, feeling so much pleasure as Harry starts thrusting harder and faster, making a moaning mess out of you, his chest slightly sweaty from the movement and your back damped from the writhing above the sheet.

“You’re here now, aren’t you?  You’re here and you’re mine. Right, baby? You’re mine now?” Harry’s dominant side is seeking through, needing the praise and the reassurance. 

“Mhm…here and yours.”

“That’s right. Wanna be a good girl and ride my cock?” You nod and he pulls out of you, a whimper leaving your lips from the absence of him, and lays right next to you before pulling you on his body. You barely had any time to register what was happening, because it was all happening too fast for your liking, you found herself straddling him and he immediately lined himself up again, and pushed you down to sink onto him. 

You slowly start grinding on him as you were still in her hazing state. Everything was so fuzzy, but you continued to bounce on him, wanting to make him happy. 

“Good, baby girl. That’s so good,” he moans out, gripping your hips hard as he guides you up and down his cock. His hands trail up your stomach, stopping at your breasts to give them a harsh squeeze. He then reaches up to suck on them before covering them again with his hands. “Love your fucking tits.” 

Your hands cover his big ones grabbing your tits, and it’s a sight for Harry. His baby girl was riding him, eyes closed, mouth open, him touching her tits, and her touching his hands touching her tits. He was practically in heaven. 

“Gonna cum, daddy,” you whimper. You open your eyes and fall on his chest, all while still moving your hips. “Please, let me cum? Please, daddy?” You’re nose to nose with him, pleading to let you feel pleasure to the full extent. 

“Hold it, baby. I’m nearly there,” he says, kissing your cheek. A pout formed on your lips and you whined a little, feeling like you’re going to explode anytime soon. But you wanted Harry to reach his high too, so you don’t say anything and you hold it. 

“Fuck me then? Please, fuck me?” 

“Hold on tight, okay?” Your arms wrap around his neck and your face is buried right next to his head. The gaps were closed between you two, and you’re so close to him that it was starting to get hot, but in the best way. 

Harry wraps his arms around your torso, hugging you to him as he plants his feet onto the bed, and starting fucking up into you. His thrusting is fast and hard with skin slapping against each other and moans were only heard, and he’s there. He’s on the edge. 

“Daddy…” you say softly in his ear, practically begging him to give you his permission. “Please.”

“Go ahead, baby. Cum for me, yeah?” And with that, you cum…hard. So does Harry; shooting his hot cum deep inside of you with a loud groan of relief escaping his lips. “God, yes.” 

You softly grind down on him, riding your orgasm out until you feel a familiar squirting between your legs and on Harry's stomach. 

“Mmm,” you whine out. 

“Doing so well for me, baby girl. Cumming so hard for me, right?” You only nod, continuing to cry out. 

He pushes you off of him and you whimper, feeling lost without his body pressed up against yours, even though he’s inside of you still. You’re sitting up, straddling him, and you start feeling pressure on your clit. Harry’s thumb presses against it and starts rubbing it fast. 

“Ohh…” the feeling gets you to your next orgasm, grinding down on his cock as he rubs your clit. 

“One more, yeah? Got one more in there for me?” He challenges.

“Mhm…for you, daddy.”

“That’s right. For daddy, yeah? Come one, baby. Squirt for me again.” 

And you do, you squirt until your legs are shaking, and Harry’s body and sheet are covered in your juices. Your cries are loud, but it’s full of pleasure and the feeling of overwhelm. This just takes you more into a headspace, and with the shaking of your legs, it makes you even more dizzy. 

You collapse on Harry’s chest, wrapping your arms around him, wanting to feel him close as possible. You bury your face in his neck, practically crying against his neck, and you feel his hands rub your back and his lips against your temple. 

“Hey, hey. Why’re you crying?” He tries pulling your face out of his neck, but you whimper, not wanting to let go. “Come on, look at me, please?” His eyes had gone soft for the crying figure on top of him. He knew you were probably too overwhelmed and sensitive from all the pleasure, especially the full and hard orgasms. 

After a few minutes, you pull your head out of his neck and he’s met with glossy eyes and damped cheeks. He kisses your lips quickly, before asking, “what’s wrong, baby?” 

“Don’t wanna leave, daddy. You’re gonna kick me out now,” you sniffle. 

“What? No, I’m not. Baby, you live here too. Not gonna kick you out,” Harry frowns. 

“Yeah, you are because I’m supposed to be just a one night stand, and Daddy doesn’t do sleepovers and we just met.” 

“Hey, I’m Harry, alright? Come back to me. It’s Harry. You know Harry, right?” You only nod your head. “Your brain is all fuzzy, thinking I’m just daddy and I’m supposed to kick you out. No, it’s not like that, okay? We were just playing, remember?” He scratches your head. 

“Daddy’s not gonna leave or kick me out?” You look at him with your glossy eyes, begging him for you to stay.

“Daddy or Harry’s not gonna kick you out. Nor are they going to leave you. Ever.” He could feel you starting to relax on him, taking deep breaths rather than hearing your cries. “Come on, miss my girl. Want you back. It was nice ‘meeting’ you at the bar, but I miss you so much,” Harry says in soft and a hushed voice. He cradles her and hums, trying to get you to come back to the world. 

After a few minutes, he’s sure that you’ve fallen asleep in his hold, but you lift your head up, and he smiles. 

“Hey there, pretty lady.” 

“Harry?” 

“Welcome back, stranger,” he kisses her nose and you smile at his affection. 

“I went under again, huh?” Your face looked so defeated, like you were embarrassed. Sometimes you hated being in subspace because you have no clue and no control of how you’re acting. 

“Yeah, but it’s okay. You’re completely safe when you are and stop worrying too much. There’s nothing you could do or say that would make me leave you. Married you, so you’re stuck with me.” You nod, feeling slightly better. Harry was always so good with reassurance and aftercare when you’re in subspace or not. He’s also so caring and that’s one of the many reasons why you love him. 

“Thank you,” you say softly in his neck. 

“Of course. Always gonna take care of you,” he hugs you closer for a moment, relishing every moment he gets when you’re in his arms. “Now, let’s go take a bath? Let me wash you up before we sleep.” 

“Mmm. Don’t wanna move,” you say as you get comfortable on his body. “Feel so empty without you.” 

“Not going anywhere, love. You could cling onto me while I get the bath ready, how does that sound?” He moves your hair, so he could see your beautiful and tired face. You lift your head up to look at him. 

“No, what I meant was: I’m empty without you in me,” Harry’s mouth opens as if the realization just hit him; a soft ‘oh’ comes out. 

“Want me in you? Without the fucking, huh? Just wanna feel warm and nice?” He smiles, often loving when you go into subspace because a little cockwarming is in his favor. 

“Mhm. Please? Just for a little bit then we could take a bath.” 

“Okay, whatever you want. We could also do it in the bath too, but let’s stay here for a moment,” you nod in agreement. 

He reaches between you, stroking his dick to get it a little hard before lining himself up once again. His hips bucked and you pushed your hips down on him, both moaning in the relief of feeling full again. 

“Feel so good, even like this, baby,” you say against his skin. 

“Yeah? Keeping me warm, huh?” You nod and he kisses your face. “We should do this more often.” 

“I always keep your cock warm though,” Harry laughs at your vulgar language, but he’s not surprised. 

“I know that, but I didn’t mean that. I meant we should plan some nights where we don’t know each other and we meet up at the same place. Remember we always did that when we were dating? Got some of the best surprises out of each other.” 

“Yeah, I remember. Back when I was able to fit into my maid costume,” you sigh.“But sure. I really liked today. I was going for something else, but daddy just slipped out and I know how much you love being called that, so I just went with it,” you start scratching the back of his neck, and he feels like he could fall asleep anytime, but he’d rather stay up and talk to you. 

“Don’t deny that you don’t like calling me daddy either,” he sarcastically scoffs. 

“You’re right. I do,” you giggle, knowing that it’s your favorite thing to call him besides your innocent pet names for him. “I’m gonna surprise you for what kind of role playing we’re gonna do when we pretend not to know each other.” You kiss his chest and he hums. You both feel so relaxed that you feel Harry getting soft inside of you, but he still feels warm. 

“Okay, sounds good to me. As long as it’s with you then I have no reason to complain.” 

You smile at him, feeling so loved and grateful you’re married to him. As you two lay close to one another, chest to chest, and sexually and emotionally connected, you’re appreciative for the stranger that’s not really a stranger, holding you in his arms. 

feedback is very much appreciated! pls let me know what you think!

[cheeriecherry]

Villian kidnap again ♡ mic, bakugo... Dabi. Ty for great works ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Ask and ye shall receive!

PRESENT MIC|YAMADA HIZASHI

-He doesn’t outwardly react beyond mild concern. Like, he doesn’t show that he’s actually freaking tf out on the inside, filled with worry and fear over what might happen to you.

-He’s the smartest about finding out where you are, using every resource he has to track you down and bring you home. He’s noticeably tense while you’re still captive, though it’s more obvious to the people he’s close to. He wants nothing more than to have you safe in his arms.

-He wouldn’t feel guilty about getting you kidnapped. Both of you knew the risks of being associated with a pro hero, so he knew you wouldn’t blame him either. He’s logical and realistic about it.

-He’s also not gonna deliver too harsh a beat down on the thugs who had the audacity to take you away. Like, he’s definitely gonna knock them unconscious, maybe make their ears bleed a little, but he’s not gonna go for any unnecessary hits just because you’re his S/O.

-Sure, he’s mad as hell, but he’s got not time for paperwork, and all he wants is to get you out of there.

-Afterwards he’ll try and take a few days off work to make sure you’re really okay, and maybe spend some time with you, or talk things out if you need to. He’s the first one to offer up a therapist if the event really took a toll on you, but other than those first couple days, he tries to get back to normalcy as quickly as he can.

-If things are normal, then they’re okay, which means you’re okay, which means everything is okay.

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

-Lol he big mad

-I really feel sorry for whoever thought it was a good idea to kidnap this guy’s S/O. He’ll bust down the doors of every villain hideout he knows about until he finds you, no doubt.

-I mean, he’ll be smarter about it than that, but as soon as anyone has any knowledge about where you are, he’s running off to go blast someone’s ass into next tuesday.

-And when he finally finds you and frees you? It’s basically a death match between him and a couple lowlife villains, because how dare they lay a single hand on you.

-You’ll probably have to pull him off them to keep him from actually killing someone, and assure him that you’re alright and relatively unharmed.

-It’s not until after the fact that any feelings beyond blind rage will seep in. He’ll begrudgingly let the fear run it’s course by staying close by you for a little while, let the worry and panic pass as he watches you sleep beside him. The guilt is harder for him, and he internalizes a lot of it instead of actually dealing with it. He silently promises you that he’ll be more vigilant in the future, even though it’s really not his fault that someone tries to hurt you.

-He doesn’t get clingy or anything, and is pretty okay with going back to your normal schedule as soon as you feel like it, but he will want a day or two of downtime to keep you close by as a precaution. Also because he really was scared for you.

DABI

-Okay, scratch pitying the guys who took Bakugou’s S/O. I pity the guys who take Dabi’s S/O.

-Those mfs are dead. No but literally, he’s gonna toast them.

-He’ll use every resource the league has, shove his nose into every nook and cranny and dive bar he can get to, ask questions of the most unpredictable people he knows, all to get you back.

-Word probably reaches your captors that dabi’s looking for you, and you’re like ‘oh shit u guys are fucked when he finds us’ which strikes a little bit of fear into their hearts.

-They probably kidnapped you to get to the flame boi, but it was clear they hadn’t thought through the consequences of their actions; more specifically what they’d do when Dabi actually came for you.

-It’s a 50/50 of whether or not they’d dump you someplace and set you free, or if they’d keep you and risk their lives. Either way, you point your boyfriend in the direction of your captors, and watch calmly as blue flames eat them alive.

-This guy doesn’t express his feelings very well. Like, in the manga somewhere he almost had a mental breakdown just because he was feeling some kind of sad (which, relatable), so??? The only way he shows that he was feeling a Lot of Something is by making the people who hurt you be ashes.

-But when you’re alone with him that night, he holds you a little tighter and a little closer, tucks his face a little harder into your shoulder. It’s subtle, but it’s his way of showing you that he was worried for you and that he missed you.

-Def gonna disappear with you for a week or so to catch up on lost time, and also work out if those guys who took you were acting solo or if they came from a bigger group. He wants to make sure you’re not still in danger before he lets you loose on the world again.

-As long as you promise to kick the ass of anyone who tries to lay a hand on you, then he’s good. From then on out, though, he always lingers a little closer than before, and watches the people around you a little closer.

-Protective boyf

[maeve-writes]

Can’t Help Falling in Love

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Rating: General

Warnings: Mostly fluff, slight angst.

Summary: Request: Could I request a Dean one-shot, where he finally wants to propose to R, but is starting to doubt himself and Sam has to reassure him and encourage him to finally do that step. Set in somewhere between season 12 and 13. R is Dean's best friend.

a/n: Inspired by Pentatonix’s arrangement of Can’t Help Falling in Love.

Previously posted on @plaided-ani

-

When he first met you, you were sitting on a park bench reading a book about Sumerian history and cross referencing with a small text on cuneiform, your nose wrinkled in thought and the tip of your tongue set between your teeth. You were the local expert on mythological lore according to the university and often took your lunches in the park when the weather was right and if Dean was lucky, he’d find you there. And he was.

That was several years ago and you had gotten to know the Winchesters very well. You knew what they did and the evils that they faced, luckily you weren’t caught up in the crossfire. Much. They called you often when Sam was too busy to look up something himself or Dean was too tired and annoyed to listen to Sam drone on about this or that. You always got straight to the point, told them what they needed to know and that was that.

You had your own pocket in Kansas, safe and sound from the big and the bad and the boys would stop in from time to time. They often brought you dinner when you were researching for your job and not for a case which meant you would forget about eating and drinking and sleeping to get your work done. Dean more often than not made you put down the pen or the tablet and ‘just hang out like normal people’. “You’re not normal people,” you always told him.

“I am when I’m with you,” he always replied back.

He’d often texted you when he got downtime. He hated emojis and gifs, but you’d send them to him anyway and he’d find one to send back, always with a short, grumpy text to go with it. You’d Facetime him when you stayed late nights at the office when he was sitting up in his bed at the bunker, relaxed and at peace, if only for the moment. You wouldn’t talk much, but he was happy to watch you work in silence.

They invited you to the bunker when things weren’t crazy and you always accepted. Their books were fascinating and they would let you load up boxes of texts that you’d call ‘light reading’ and that always got a chuckle out of Dean. But they’d make you stay for dinner and movie and eventually you got your own room set up for nights when you were too drunk to drive or it was too late to bother.

He wasn’t sure when it happened, but Dean could feel the change in himself when he was with you. Your smile made his heart flutter, your laughter made his belly coil up like a spring, and the mere thought of you had his skin flushed all over. “That’s love,” Sam told him over grocery store meatloaf. “You’re in love.”

And he was, head over heels and weak in the knees. But in Dean’s life, he couldn’t afford to be in love. He couldn’t have the slow burn of a happy-go-lucky relationship, no courtship or honeymoon phase. He shouldn’t want you like he does. No, he shouldn’t need you like he does, but he can’t help him. In his fucked up world of demons and bloodshed and death, you were the one shining beacon in his life that lit his way home.

“I’m going to ask her to marry me,” he decided one day over bacon and coffee. Sam was still sleep drunk and hummed in agreement. Later, his younger brother would question his sanity, tell him that you two weren’t even dating, why jump straight to marriage? But Dean wasn’t listening, he was Googling the closet jewelry shop.

He bought the best ring credit card fraud could buy and started to go over all the reasons why you would say yes. They’ve known you for at least six years and not once had you dated a single person to Dean’s knowledge. Your touches always lingered with him, your smiles always softer, more private. You had to have a thing for him, right?

But there were more reasons to say no. Being part of the Winchester clan meant that your life would be on the line and with the storm that was brewing, he wasn’t sure he could keep you safe along with Sam and their new charge Jack. And, like Sam said, you weren’t even dating, never kissed, never even held hands, why would you jump straight to the ball and chain?

“I’m not gonna do it,” Dean decided once he got back to the bunker with the ring in its box tucked in his pants and his hands full of food and beer. “You’re right, it’s a stupid idea.”

Sam sighed heavily and helped his brother divvy up the evening meal. “No, what I said was stupid. It’s obvious you two are crazy about each other, I choke on the sexual tension whenever I’m in the room with you.” Dean scowled at that, but Sam ignored it. “Y/N is a good egg. She’s stuck with us this long, maybe she’ll stick around longer with a ring on her finger.”

“Don’t call my future wife an egg,” Dean huffed.

“She’s a metaphorical egg,” Sam reassured. “The best kind, brown and organic from free range chickens.”

Dean held up a hand, “Stop. Just stop.”

But he called you three days later and asked if you were free for dinner. You were knee deep in research, but when weren’t you? If he allowed you access to the library when you finished eating, you’d agree and he had no objections with the idea.

You showed up in your best flowy thin cotton tee and yoga pants, hair up in a messy bun to find Dean waiting at the bottom of the stairs with a nervous smile on his face but in his best dress shirt and slacks and you figured he played a fed earlier. When you asked him what’s wrong, he said nothing and ushered you through the bunker to the kitchen. You casually mention Sam and Jack, but he told you they were off to see a movie and you shrugged sat across from him, noting the flowers and the candle and actual dinner plates. “Is this a date?”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, opening a bottle of wine, or at least trying to.

“You should’ve told me,” you frowned, looking down at your casual attire, “I look like a bum.”

“I think you look beautiful,” he said with a fond smile, working the screw in the cork with some difficulty. When your cheeks flushed and your shoulders drooped, he set the wine aside and reached out for your hand. You took his in yours and he leaned forward to press a gentle kiss on your knuckles. “Beer okay?”

“Sounds great,” you answered, flustered beyond belief.

Dinner carried on like it normally did, the two of you talking about work and the latest show you binge watched. Nothing changed between you other than your feet entwining underneath the table, your hands reaching out for one another. At some point he joined you on your side and your limbs were all tangled, your lips finding solace in his and his tie became a little looser.

“Marry me,” he whispered against your lips when you parted for the hundredth time that night.

“Okay,” you replied, kiss drunk and in love. “When?”

He fished out a box and popped it open, “Sometime before I die?”

“We can leave now and be in Vegas by the morning,” you laughed, taking the ring out to slide on your finger. It was a size too big, but that could always be fixed.

“I’ll pack, you book the hotel?”

You smiled and pulled out your phone. You were going to give Dean a happy-ever-after one of these days and this is where it would start.

[alirhi]

If I'd written Loki

I was going to just leave this in my drafts and move on, but I'm still irritated, so here. Here's how I would have written the show to serve Marvel's purpose (advertising for/kicking off the multiverse) while keeping Loki in character and actually showing him the fucking respect he deserves...

In episode 1, Loki would still be disoriented from Thanos' mind control. If y'all want him and Mobius to be buddies so bad, fine. Mobius would see that Loki is acting off and out of character, and his argument to help him would be sure, we needed Thanos to control him in the sacred timeline, but he already broke that. Free him and let him be useful now to fix it!

Loki was already breaking free on his own before this point, so Mobius' help just makes that process a little easier on him at the end. He advocates for our God, to give him some downtime to heal and recover ("We have all of time at our disposal! Surely we can give him a day or two!"). Meanwhile Loki is tired and a little off his game, but he's still sharp and observant. He notices little details about the TVA agents, and immediately questions the "created by the Timekeepers" story. He doesn't say anything, though. There's no advantage in it for him. Not yet.

There is no posturing, no trying to trip Loki up or force humility on him. Mobius treats him with respect, and they talk about the events of Thor 1. Blame for the battle of NY is never heaped on Loki, because Mobius knows how that happened and that it was never Loki's plan. Instead, Mobius asks, gently, that Loki think about the events leading up to his suicide attempt. Why did he work so hard to please the father who abused and neglected him? Why did he think genocide would win Odin's favor? Was that really what he wanted? Does he even want a throne?

No, Loki reminds him with a smirk to cover his pain. He never tried to take the throne of Asgard; it was loaned to him while Odin was unconscious and Thor banished and powerless, to prevent a power vacuum. Not that anyone gave a damn in the end.

How would you like to matter, Loki? Mobius asks, still being gentle. Loki won't show it, but Mobius has spent so much time watching and researching him, he figures Loki's emotions are still raw and his ego still bruised from being tortured and controlled. I mean, you matter, Mobius stumbles, realizing how his original question sounded, but how would you like a chance to prove yourself, and be seen as the benevolent God you tried so hard to show people you were?

Loki smirks and leans back in his chair. "It is so cute how you think you can manipulate me." (I did like that line, I must admit)

Mobius smiles, expression somewhere between amused and patient, almost tender. He's spent so long studying this man, it's a little surreal to have him sitting right here! Not manipulating, Loki. You've dealt with enough of that - giving and receiving. No, I need help, and you're the only one qualified to give it.

"Why? What can the Great TVA possibly need from me?"

Your insight. No one knows our adversary like you do. Because the variant we're hunting is a version of you. The bit that catches Loki's attention, and shows that he's not up against an ignorant bureaucrat: They could take us all down if we don't stop them. Just like you. Will you help us?

"Sounds like fun. But what makes you think I'd be on your side?"

Mobius just grins. He's not trying to manipulate or control Loki, so he's not afraid, just thrilled to be sitting there, speaking with him. I don't. There aren't any sides right now, not really. We can help each other.

"Temporary allies, then," Loki teases, holding his hand out for Mobius to shake, which he eagerly does.

We'll see what happens when the dust settles.

"Indeed we will."

So there's my thoughts for episode 1. I was gonna do a breakdown of the whole show, but either it'd get WAY too long, or I'd lose focus, get angry, and abandon it with a general "this show really sucked" summary XD so I figure it's best to leave it here for now. if I find myself inspired later, I'll dive into episode 2, etc.

Episode 2

[egcdeath]

a blip in the reader-verse

chapter 3: someone in the crowd

summary: in your expedition through the multiverse, you find yourself in the crowd of a war bond show.

warnings: somewhat of a bittersweet ending

word count: 1.8k

author’s note: let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist. i’d love to hear your thoughts on this chapter, so any likes/reblogs/comments are very much appreciated! 

previous chapter / series masterlist

Steve sat up abruptly, breathing heavily and heart racing from the vaguely distressing experience of being in someone else’s dream. And to top that off, the stakes of being in the dream were extremely high. If he couldn’t contact you and convince you that something was off, he could be stuck here, in the wrong universe, forever.

Steve rolled over and sighed, only to be met with the curious expression of the Ancient One, and nearly jumping out of his skin.

“Did it work?” She questioned, and Steve wordlessly nodded while anxiously cracking his knuckles.

“So now we wait?” He asked, turning his body around so his feet were planted firmly on the floor. Feeling the ground against him gave him a slight sense of comfort, knowing that he was back in the real world.

“You and I cannot take that risk. I’m going to try to send your consciousness into another universe, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find your way home. If not, then… I’m not sure what else there is to do.”

“It’ll work though, right?” Steve looked up at her through furrowed brows.

“We can only hope so.”

——

Before your eyes even opened, you noticed the all-encompassing raket of a crowd clapping and hollering for… Captain America?

You opened your eyes and glanced around at your surroundings. If you were sure of one thing, it was that you weren’t in a time that was even somewhat close to yours. That quickly became clear to you as you observed the people sitting around you, and the astoundingly monochrome clothing of those around you.

You looked down at yourself, and observed your own time period appropriate outfit, your knee-length flowered dress fell nicely against your body, but the shoulder pads weighing on your collarbone kind of made you feel like a football player. You also quickly caught onto the fact that your watch seemed to turn itself into a pendant on your neck. You then glanced up at the stage, and noticed your alarming proximity to it.

As the curtains on the stage opened, a profound silence fell across the audience. You looked up at the platform expectantly, and you were not disappointed when your boyfriend of many years popped out.

Except, he seemed much more jovial. The dark circles under his eyes weren’t so dark, and he seemed to have a lightness in his step as he pounced around the stage. In the midst of your ogling, the woman next to you leaned over and set a hand over your knee.

“Didn’t I tell you he was gonna be cute?” she whispered in your ear. At the sound of her voice, you felt a wave of recollection surge over you.

This was your friend Aaliyah, just like your closest childhood friend back in your own reality, who’d dragged you out to this war-bond-promotion thing to see her man crush of the week.

“He’s really dreamy,” you concurred, not taking your eyes off of the man.

“So you’re not mad at me for bringing you out here anymore?” She asked, an air of teasing in her voice.

“Shh!” a voice from somewhere above you hissed down at the two of you.

The both of you rolled your eyes, then you looked over to Aaliyah and shared a knowing look with her.

You looked back at the stage, and watched the routine play out, giggling to yourself at times. The whole show had been at least 10 times funnier, now knowing Steve, even if this wasn’t exactly your Steve.

In the midst of a giggling fit, Steve glanced down at you, and flashed you a pearly grin. Despite seeing that beautiful smile millions of times, you couldn’t help but to slightly swoon, and look over at Aaliyah excitedly.

She gaped her mouth open at you, and pointed at you with a brow furrowed in confusion, ‘You?’ she mouthed. You responded by pointing at yourself with an equally shocked expression, and mouthing, ‘Me?’

It seemed like the show was over after that, and the lights in the room slowly rose back to their original colors.

“Holy shit!” Aaliyah squealed, grabbing your arm. “Did Captain fucking America smile at you?”

“If you saw what I saw, then yes!” You grabbed her opposite arm, “we have to celebrate this somehow, right? I think this deserves celebrating.”

You were honestly surprising yourself with the words coming out of your mouth. Part of you knew that Steve looking at you was a regular occurrence that you were used to, but the part of you that actually lived in this universe’s feelings must’ve been strong enough to override even the most logical part of your brain.

“Uh, hell yeah it deserves celebrating. Let’s go!” The two of you stood up, and you straightened out your dress a bit before squeezing through the aisle of chairs, and heading out of the concert hall.

Leaving the hall turned out to be more of a hassle than you’d initially expected. The lobby towards the exit was packed like a can of sardines, and you and Aaliyah seemed to be standing around for an excruciatingly long period of time.

During this period of time, you zoned out a bit, only half-listening to Aaliyah drone on about some new John Ford movie.

In this downtime, you decided to ask yourself why you hadn’t left this universe yet, since this was so clearly not the one you belonged in, and not the reality your Steve was in. You came to the conclusion that your morbid curiosity of what may happen next in this reality was more than  enough to motivate you not to leave. Besides, who knows? Maybe you could learn a lesson about yourself, or some other corny thing like that.

Lost in your own thoughts, you failed to notice the built blonde man draped in a brown trench coat and looking down speed walking straight into you, and sending you stumbling back into your friend’s arms.

He looked down at you with worry in his eyes, and extended a hand out to you quickly. “My gosh, I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed.

Steve.

Of course, fate had decided to bring you to the man (who technically wasn’t really your man).

You gladly accepted his hand, and let him pull you forward a bit. Your cheeks warmed at the little touch, and you swore you could sense Aaliyah gawking behind you.

“Again, my apologies…?” You could tell that Steve was leaving an opening for your name.

“Oh, uh, Y/N,” you smirked a bit at him.

“Let me make it up to you, Y/N,” he offered politely, and speaking softly so that he wouldn’t attract too much attention.

“Make up pushing me on accident?” You giggled at this. Steve somehow managed to be a bit of an unsmooth dork in every reality.

“Uh, yeah, I guess. But only if you want me to… make it up to you,” a bit of a rose tinted blush was clearly visual on Steve’s face.

“I would love that.”

----

“The perks of having a circus monkey take you out, is that he knows all of the back entrances and exits,” Steve explained while weaving his way through the building.

“Is that some sort of saying from the 40’s?” You casually threw out, following behind Steve as the two of you made your way through the back of the concert hall. As soon as you realized the weight of your words, your eyes went wide.

“What?” Steve asked, looking back at you while the two of you continued your trek.

“Nothing,” your eyes bounced around the room, and you tried to think of something to change the subject to. Luckily for you, you’d arrived at the door, and that was subject change enough. Steve opened the door for you, and held it as you walked through.

You immediately recoiled at the scent of the city. Simply put, it smelled like the Industrial Revolution. Quickly playing it off, you turned your head to look at Steve, and reach out to grab his hand.

“So, where are you planning to take me, Captain?” Steve gladly accepted your hand back, and you happily intertwined your fingers, despite the slight dampness you noticed on his palms. Was The Captain America sweating from nerves from being around you? You’d have to mentally note this to tell Aaliyah later.

“Well, there’s this diner somewhere around here that I’ve heard is pretty good. You interested?” He glanced over at you, and you pursed your lips as you faked deep thought about the proposition.

“You really know the way straight to a gal’s heart, huh?”

----

You had been sitting in a booth across from Steve for what must’ve been hours now. The conversation between the two of you seemed to flow naturally, as if you were longtime friends. In a way, you kind of were, but in another very real way, this was just the beautiful start of something that would blossom more with every second you spent with Steve.

You picked at a napkin, and Steve glanced down at his watch.

“Shit,” he muttered to himself.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, concern clearly present in your tone.

“It’s just really late, and my manager’s gonna be pissed if I miss my flight tomorrow,” Steve sighed sadly, and reached into his pocket for a pen. “I’ll be trading New York for Wisconsin. So exciting, I know, but we gotta get the war bonds somehow,” he chuckled.

“I get it,” you nodded sadly, then noticed Steve scribble something onto a napkin.

“You know Howard Stark?” he questioned.

“Heard of him,” you nodded slowly.

“Well, he’s working on this new thing. It’s just like a phone, but it comes with you everywhere you go. I have a prototype of it, I think it’s pretty neat,” he slid you the napkin. “This is it’s number. You can call me any time, anywhere, and I’ll pick it up.”

You smiled sadly at Steve, but accepted the napkin, folding it into a neat little triangle, and slipping it into your dress pocket. “Is this goodbye?”

“Just for now,” he stood up from the booth, and you followed suit, before he reached for your hand and laced your fingers with his.

The two of you silently walked out of the diner, hand-in-hand. Steve eventually pulled his palm away from yours, and started for the direction of his hotel. Although, before he could get too far, you scurried over to him, and pressed a quick peck against his cheek, catching him by surprise, “Bye, Steve. I’ll see you soon.”

“Of course. Bye, Y/N,” Steve waved as he departed, and you made your way towards the curb so you could hail a taxi.

A taxi quickly pulled up to you, and slipped into the backseat and muttered your address. The soft vibration against your chest that alerted you that it was time to go, did not go unnoticed by you, and you closed your eyes as you attempted to relax into the rather uncomfortable seat.

next chapter

[minimitchell]

“Can i at least take my shoes off before you pounce of me?” Because I know you want to😏

(smut ahead)

.

7:36.

7:37.

7:38.

Ben watches the minutes tick by on his watch, following the minute hand as it makes its rounds around the black clock-face. The house is empty and quiet; a far cry from its usual state with two kids running around at all times of day.

Today though, it’s sitting silent and idle on the square. There’s no music blasting from Lexi’s room, no cooing coming from the nursery upstairs, no low humming from Callum cooking in the kitchen. Ben didn’t even switch on the TV to keep him company.

Instead, he’s sitting alone on the couch in complete silence, alternating between staring at his watch and at his phone in his other hand, waiting for a message from his husband.

He will always be supportive of Callum and his career - they’ve gotten over their hang ups about their different career choices a long time ago and ever since they had their baby Ben hasn’t had much of a criminal career anyway - and he will always be on Callum’s side, whatever his husband wants to do.

He just wishes becoming a detective would come with less seminars and time away from their family.

Callum spent the last two weeks up north around Newcastle, completing a course and attending a seminar to prepare him for his final exam, and while Ben is insanely proud of him for doing all this training and studying to climb up the ranks in his career, he also misses him terribly whenever he’s away.

It’s worse at the moment. Their youngest daughter is right in the middle of teething and while they really lucked out with her when it comes to crying and sleeping through the night, it’s still exhausting to deal with this all on his own. Not to mention juggle the housework, his own job and Lexi as well.

He’s lucky that Lola and his parents were here to help; that they’re always willing to take Lizzie for the afternoon so he can get some paperwork for the Arches done or just take the girls out for an ice cream so Ben can take a quick nap. It’s completely exhausting, and he really doesn’t envy any single parents out there, but he wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

They tried to facetime every night when Callum was done for the day so he could say goodnight to the kids - sometimes Lizzie only falls asleep once she’s heard Callum’s voice for the day - and talk with Ben about their days. It’s not the same though, not even close, and it’s certainly not enough to satisfy the longing that’s made a home in Ben’s chest for the last two weeks.

Which is why he’s sitting alone in their home right now.

Callum called him a couple of hours ago to let him know he’s on his way home and now, over four hours later, he should be here any minute.

Ben is positively vibrating out of his skin; he desperately longs to have his husband back with him, to have him back in his arms, to feel him against him again. Hearing Callum’s voice is great, but it’s never gonna trump actually having him here with him in person.

He takes one more look at his watch when he hears a key being inserted into the lock in the front door, the sound of clothes rustling and a suitcase being hauled in following soon after.

7:51.

Ben doesn’t give his husband much time to arrive, strutting into the hallway and taking Callum’s face in his hands to pull him into a kiss before Callum can even get a word out.

Callum makes a noise against Ben’s mouth in surprise, before he lets go of the handle of his suitcase to wrap his arm around Ben’s middle, his other hand dropping his keys and settling on one side of Ben’s face, cupping his cheek.

The kiss deepens, with Ben pushing their tongues together before nipping at Callum’s bottom lip, not letting up until his mouth is puffy and red. There’s a hunger thrumming low in his stomach; a familiar need taking over every rational thought and only leaving room for feeling, wanting.

The vibrations of a low chuckle reverberate in Callum’s throat when Ben moves down to litter kisses along his neck; the hand previously on Ben’s face runs up into his hair, tangling in the soft part on the back of Ben’s neck.

“Can I at least take my shoes off before you pounce on me?”

His voice is light, filled with a smile Ben can somehow hear without directly looking at it, and god did he miss this voice. He still heard that voice every day for the last two weeks but for some reason he missed it terribly regardless.

Ben relents, disentangling himself from Callum to give him enough space to take off his coat, hanging it on the hook right next to their front door, and shrug his shoes off. As soon as his second sneaker finds its place on their shoe rack though, Ben’s hands are back on Callum’s chest, fiddling with the top button of his shirt in his quest to get it unbuttoned.

“Lexi is at a mate’s house all night, Lizzie is at my mum’s.”

Ben looks up at Callum from under his eyelashes, biting his bottom lip into his mouth. His mum had definitely seen right through whatever flimsy excuse he tried to give her when he asked whether she could watch their baby for the evening. But he just wanted some alone time with his husband after being separated for a fortnight, alright.

Callum’s eyebrows rise higher on his forehead; a sly smile spreading over his face. Callum shared a room with another colleague when he was away so there wasn’t much phone action going on at night and Ben just knows Callum’s as desperate as he is to finally have each other again.

“So I really need you to fuck me right now.”

Callum is back on him in a flash, hands wandering down to Ben’s ass and mouths smashing onto each other while he walks them into the living room and in the direction of the couch. Ben falls backwards onto it with a heavy thump, not being able to hide the hungry look on his face when he looks up at his husband. He feels almost dizzy with want; every second he doesn’t have Callum against him feels too long, too wasted.

Ben watches on as Callum unbuttons his shirt and throws him somewhere to the side, using the downtime to get out of his own shirt and get his jeans unzipped. It’s oddly reminiscent of the beginning of their relationship, the time before their kids were lurking around every corner, for them to just be able to get it on like this without a second thought. But god does it feel good to not overthink how loud he’s going to be or be aware that they always have to keep one ear on the babyphone.

He loves his kids but right now he really loves that they aren’t here.

Before he can pull his pants and underwear down though, he’s stopped by Callum’s hands on him, running up his thighs. He’s perched in front of Ben now, knees on the rug in front of the couch. Ben scooches down a bit, bracketing Callum in-between his legs.

Their eye contact never breaks as Callum pulls his pants and underwear down in one go, letting them fall haphazardly to the floor beside him. His fingers trail back up Ben’s legs, over the coarse hair there and down the crease of his hips. Goosebumps are following his digits, breaking out on his skin in response to the soft touch.

Callum leans down to press kisses over his thigh, inching closer and closer to Ben’s dick in the process. It makes him reach out to tangle a hand in Callum’s hair, holding onto it with a vice grip. He wants to tell Callum to stop teasing and get on with it but no words are coming out. It’s like he’s too turned on already to speak; the sight of Callum on his knees in front of him enough to render him speechless.

A moment later, Ben is sure he wouldn’t even be able to speak if he wanted to anyway, not when Callum seals his lips around the head of his dick and starts running his tongue all over it without much warning in advance. The curse that falls from Ben’s lips is loud and uninhibited, his fingers tightening in Callum’s hair.

He’s been practically half-hard since Callum had announced he’s on his way home and it only takes a couple of bobs and tugs for his dick to stand to full attention.

It’s not going to be a very lengthy endeavor, Ben knows it the second he feels that familiar tug in the bottom of his stomach, that pressure running through his lower half. He also didn’t get off in two weeks now, telling Callum it’s in solidarity when in reality he just much prefers his husband’s touch to his own by now, and right now it feels like it won’t take more than a few more seconds for him to tip over the edge.

“Fuck, babe, I won’t last like this.”

He’s torn between wanting to come and trying to draw it out a while longer, maybe get there together with Callum, but the decision is made for him when Callums pulls off with a wet sound, pressing kisses up Ben’s stomach on his way to his lips. Ben welcomes the kiss to his lips with a sigh, pushing their tongues back together to taste himself.

God, he has missed this.

Callum gets his dick aligned with Ben’s - he isn’t sure when exactly Callum lost his own pants and underwear; it must’ve happened when Ben was too busy wading off his impending orgasm - bucking into him in a way that wretches a desperate moan from him.

It feels too good, them sliding against each other like this, with just enough friction to make it just as dirty and rough as he likes it. Blunt nails dig into the skin of Callum’s back when he trails his mouth down Ben’s neck and onto that one particular spot that never fails to make his knees weak.

“Are you close?”

The words are groaned right into his ear, wet breath hitting his skin and making him shudder. There’s an edge to Callum’s voice that tells Ben he’s close himself, their hips meeting in quicker, more desperate, thrusts now.

“Yes, fuck, almost there.”

Ben arches his back more, twisting and changing the angle until he’s seeing stars whenever they glide together. He presses his legs closer to Callum’s body, trapping him in-between his thighs, gripping every bit of skin his hands can reach.

Callum is making these familiar, low-pitched noises in his ear where he’s pressed against his neck and they run straight to his dick, delivering that last bit that gets him to finally tip over the edge.

They must get there almost at the same time because when Ben comes back down to earth again, Callum is spent and panting in his arms; his chest rising and falling rapidly. Ben runs one of his hands back up into Callum’s hair, raking his nails over Callum’s scalp, getting a satisfied murmur in response to the gesture.

“Missed you, baby.”

Ben’s voice is quiet in the overall silence of their home, like the words are a precious secret only to be shared in the confined space between their bodies. Callum’s hand finds Ben’s free one on the couch, tangling and knotting their fingers together. He presses a kiss onto the skin underneath him and from above him, Ben sees that his eyes are firmly shut.

“Missed you more.”

“Not even possible.”

Ben presses a kiss into his hair, soaking up the feeling of having his husband back in his arms. They’ll have to get up in a minute, go for a shower and maybe order some food in, enjoy the rare evening they can spend with just one another. But for now he’s content in lying here, skin on skin and heartbeats aligned.

Time can run on without them for a while. Everything else around them can wait.

On his wrist, the minutes tick by undisturbed.

[blushnote]

Hi can I request Dom!Mingyu Smut where he’s a nurse and your a doctor? Maybe where you two have been secretly dating. Throwing in Dr. Jeon Wonwoo flirting with you in office causing Mingyu to pull you into the nearest closet.

↳ requested | 3.5k words

↳ nurse!mingyu smut

a/n: i had so much fun writing this lol. it reminded me of when i used to watch house and like… the first two seasons of grey’s anatomy. i love nurse!mingyu :(

you’ve been on your feet the entire day, almost to a point where your legs feel like gel and the idea of sitting seems like an abnormal luxury. the second you emerge from one room, you immediately get paged to another, and so many patients have flown in and out that your head aches when you try to recall who you even saw first. you think you need a couple painkillers.

it isn’t until you exit the autopsy headquarters that you find yourself with some downtime. the halls are a little emptier, there aren’t so many nurses hurrying around, and you can actually hear your own thoughts. you decide to visit the cafeteria, sitting down at a table near the window with nothing but a blueberry muffin. at this point, you’re not even hungry anymore.

after picking at the muffin for a few measly minutes, you see another doctor with a white lab coat enter the space and grab a juice from the glass refrigerator. doctor jeon makes eye contact with you, and proceeds to pull up a chair at your table. he collapses with a great sigh, pushing back some of the black hair that slips in front of his gaze. his expression is tired but gentle.

“man, what a long fucking day,” doctor jeon, otherwise known as wonwoo, comments.

you push the muffin away from you while yawning, “yeah, i think i got called to the autopsy room like twenty times.”

wonwoo chuckles and takes a sip of his juice. “i spent the whole day taking MRI scans. if i have to examine another screen i think my eyes are gonna dry up.”

you both huff in half-hearted amusement. suddenly, the sound of laughter echoes from the wide hallway, and you can’t help but smile upon seeing mingyu and junhui enter the cafeteria, dressed in their pale blue scrubs. they’re two nurses from the west wing, though they don’t seem to be staying. instead, they each pay for a snack cake and get ready to leave again.

however, mingyu catches your eye, and he winks at you.

wonwoo didn’t see that exchange, thankfully. it wasn’t that relationships between doctors and nurses couldn’t be a thing, it’s just that they were strongly not advised. everyone in the hospital feels obliged to know the details and likes to gossip. you and mingyu had been secretly dating for a while, and it was extremely difficult to ensure no one caught onto your relationship.

“sometimes i hate the nurses,” wonwoo scoffs innocuously, “they always have so much energy. what’s up with that?”

“couldn’t tell you,” you respond, “but i want whatever it is they’re having.”

you and mingyu live in the same apartment complex. in fact, he’s just a couple doors down from your own room. you spend an abundance more time at his place; not only is he an excellent cook, but he keeps the space tidy, and his wine collection is definitely more established than yours.

admittedly, some of your favourite moments transpired after you two got slightly tipsy upon consuming multiple glasses of alcohol, usually preluded by an exhausting shift at the hospital. mingyu would start a warm bath, filling it with mild and pretty scents, like honey grass or lemon thyme. he’d light a few candles, prompting you to strip down and relax together in the tub.

an intense heat floods your face as you sit with wonwoo in the cafeteria. you can’t stop thinking about how good it feels to ride mingyu in the bathtub, amongst the shimmering water and candlelight, his hands guiding the movement of your hips while his cock presses into you so deeply you can’t even speak. you can sense the drool start to build in your mouth.

“hey,” you then grab wonwoo’s attention, wanting to distract yourself, “do you have any painkillers on you? my head is going crazy.”

“not on me,” wonwoo responds, “but i think i saw some in the debriefing station, at the west wing. you up for a walk?”

“i guess i am now.” you smile, already standing up from the chair. it hurt you to throw out the rest of your muffin, but you know you aren’t going to finish it.

you really like wonwoo. he started working at the hospital at roughly the same time as you, which resulted in you two figuring out the ropes together. he’s certainly the most approachable of the other doctors. he has a timid nature and great intelligence, though there’s definitely a hue of slight cockiness that permeates when he’s comfortable around his peers.

mingyu was never exactly fond of him. he didn’t like how wonwoo was constantly attempting to flirt with you, but it wasn’t like you could come clean and expose your relationship. when you entered the west wing, wonwoo seemed to have spotted something. instead of going to the debriefing room, he grabs your wrist and pulls you elsewhere.

you find yourself in the office space, which was just a room with computers and file cabinets and bulletin boards stapled with papers giving reminders about handwashing and wearing face masks. you feel the surprise drop into your stomach when you notice that mingyu is at one of the computers, typing something that he gauges from a file at his elbow.

he doesn’t look at you when you enter the room, but he shifts in his chair.

“i think there’re some painkillers in here somewhere,” wonwoo says, “i remember using them when i worked thirteen hours straight.”

“oh, it’s this here, i think.” you spot the red bottle sitting on a shelf.

wonwoo smiles. “that’s it. here, i’ll get you some water.”

you turn your back to mingyu so you would stop looking at him. after wonwoo filled you a small cone cup of water from the cooler, you set the pill on your tongue, take a sip, and swallow. you hear mingyu’s chair squeak. he gets up and momentarily disappears into the back room, to which you can ever so slightly hear him rummaging through the extra files.

“i think you’ll survive.” wonwoo chuckles.

after gulping down the remainder of the water, you toss the paper cup into the garbage and smile, “i hope so.”

“i wouldn’t wanna work here without you,” wonwoo comments, “so i have to do everything in my power to keep you alive.”

you can’t help but laugh. “that’s what you’re trained for, right?”

wonwoo scratches the nape of his neck, “oh yeah. this massive debt can’t be for nothing, surely. i could at least buy you a glass of cheap champagne if we ever went out for dinner.”

“i love it.” you respond. “cheap champagne and a box of dinosaur nuggets.”

of course, you’re only humouring the situation. as appreciative as you are for wonwoo’s company, he’s nothing more than a friend, even if you know that he often looks to push those boundaries; however, you just weren’t expecting him to push said boundaries tonight. you gulp heavily and feel yourself tense when wonwoo locks eyes with you.

“could be nice,” wonwoo shrugs, “but you – you’re so hardworking, so dedicated and smart. i’d want to spoil you all the time and give you what you deserve, y’know?”

you nearly wheeze. as much as you want to, you can’t deny it – wonwoo had set that situation up perfectly. suddenly, there’s an abrupt sound from the backroom, which resembles a filing cabinet being slammed shut. you haven’t forgotten that mingyu is still in the backroom. when he reappears, he doesn’t even give wonwoo the time of day.

he marches directly up to you and says, “doctor, there’s some records in this file i need to speak to you about.” mingyu is looking you dead in the eye, his expression unamused.

“o-oh,” you stutter, clearly caught off guard, “sure. let’s go into the filing room.”

you hardly seize the opportunity to say goodbye to wonwoo before mingyu jerks you toward the backroom again. there was definitely a puzzled colour to wonwoo’s face, though he seems to accept you’re now busy with another hospital matter and leaves the office. the second you’re inside, mingyu quickly shuts the door and corners you against a tall filing cabinet.

“i’m sick of this,” mingyu grits through his teeth, “i hate that we have to keep things a secret. i hate that wonwoo doesn’t know we’re together.”

“mingyu,” you set your hands on his chest, attempting to relax him, “calm down, okay? you know why we can’t say anything, it’s not—,”

“i just can’t get it out of my head,” the nurse rakes a hand through his thick, black hair, pushing the tresses away from his eyes, frustrated and glassy, “the way he’s always flirting with you, trying to take you out. i bet he wants to fuck you too – i know he does.” you can see how drastically mingyu is spiralling. a few gentle words won’t ground him, he needs something else.

you cup his face and pull him near to you, peering directly into the pent-up aggression that storms in the searing copper of his gaze.

“what do you wanna do?” you ask him directly.

mingyu breathes in. he looks at you for a passing moment, at your eyes, your lips, then drifting down to examine the rest of your body. you feel as though you already know his answer, to which your abdomen expands with something warm and liquid-like when he finally growls:

“i wanna fuck you, right here i don’t care. i need to be inside you.”

you lick your lips. you’ve never had sex in the hospital before, nor has mingyu ever acted so dominant. there’s an unforgiving nature in his eyes, lustful and dark, and you can’t deny the sliver of excitement that runs down your spine. there’s a rapid flicker, and suddenly mingyu is tearing the lab coat off your body and ripping open your navy blue-coloured blouse.

he kisses you roughly, prying into your mouth with his clever tongue, using his fangs to prick at your bottom lip, suckling on the flesh and tasting the sweet remnants of your lip balm. his hands reach for your pants button. as soon as it’s popped, mingyu starts to shove the fabric down your thighs, his hand immediately groping at you through your underwear.

a whimper becomes muffled in your throat. mingyu has never touched you with such rigour and fervent need. he rubs his palm into your core, feeling your thighs squeeze around his wrist while he licks at your mouth. pressed against your lower tummy, you can feel his cock through the blue scrubs. he’s already so hard, and his size engenders you to develop a little dizziness.  

“fuck,” mingyu grunts against your swelling, shiny lips, “can you feel that, baby?” he alludes to his cock, which he begins to grind against you. “see how fucking bad i want you?”

your mouth is watering, just like it did earlier in the cafeteria.

“mmhm,” you whine, “s-so big, gyu, gonna feel so good.”

mingyu smirks, and starts kissing a path toward the sweet pressure point just in front of your ear. he twists your underwear aside and glides his two fingers up and down your core, feeling how slick and soft you are. unconsciously, your hips follow his motion, they attempt to move with his fingers and receive as much contact as possible. you know he won’t tease for too long.

“baby is this wet just thinking of my cock inside her?” mingyu whispers into your ear. he rubs slow, deep circles against your sensitive clit, and you throw your head back in an incoherent agreement. “i bet wonwoo wishes he could touch you like this, huh? bet he wishes he could taste you.” mingyu then dips his fingers past your slit, in which you attempt to moan quietly.

he retrieves some of your gloss. your entire face dapples with heat upon seeing mingyu bring his fingers to his mouth, his tongue lapping the digits clean. he maintains eye contact with you, staring at you unabashedly, the satiation glowing upon his face as he watches you squirm and wither. mingyu then kisses you, letting you suckle on his tongue in order to taste yourself.

“dirty girl,” mingyu taunts, “do you like the taste of yourself?”

you feel so hazy, so overwhelmed with arousal as you hum in response.

“that’s why i can’t stand wonwoo,” mingyu growls, pressing himself against you, “because i know he wants to taste you too, pretty baby. and i don’t like sharing.” he kisses you again, messy and wet, swirling his tongue against yours, licking the sweet saliva off your bruised mouth. the skin is sore and stings mildly, but you could never stop yourself from kissing him.

one of his hands reaches under your bra, cupping the round flesh of your breast, his thumb brushing rhythmically over your nipple. as mingyu pulls his mouth away, you can’t help but follow him despite your lips tingling with a latent sensation of numbness. he pushes the bra above your chest before lowering his head, nipping softly across your warm, silk skin.

a sharp intake of air floods your chest when mingyu starts to kiss at your other breast, gently capturing the perked bud between his lips, beginning to suckle. you arch into him in an unbridled movement, your fingers quickly delving into his hair, pulling up at the healthy roots. your entire frame quivers. his stimulation was making you see stars of all shapes and sizes.

however, he can’t endure setting aside his own pleasure for much longer. mingyu abandons your chest and reaches down to the waistband of his scrubs. you swallow thickly. the anticipation welts together inside you. at first, he only strokes the large outline of cock over the material, to which his breathing becomes increasingly heavy. you try to replace his own hand.

“not right now, baby,” mingyu pushes your hand away, “i just want you to watch.”

“please, gyu,” you beg out of sheer desperation, i—,”

“not now.” he repeats himself firmly, cutting you off.

you mewl like a kitten upon seeing a bowl of cream as mingyu slightly pushes down his pants to sit low on his hips. he pulls out his cock, and you feel so unbelievably weak in the knees that you have to grip the handle of a file cabinet to steady yourself. he’s thick, long, and so, so heavy that his cock can’t even strand straight against his abdomen. your heart pounds like a drum.

mingyu bites down on his bottom lip with his fangs. he spits into his hand and proceeds to gingerly wrap his palm around the base of his length, exhaling a shaky breath the second he starts pumping himself. cum begins to bead at the engorged, purplish head. it’s maddening. you’ve never wanted him inside you to such an extent. the saliva waxes in your mouth.

“you like this, baby?” mingyu purrs huskily, his hand travelling up and down. “i can hardly wait to fuck you open. you think you can take all of it, hmm? think you can be a good girl for me?”

quickly, you wipe the bit of drool you almost hadn’t noticed forming at the corner of your mouth. there’s an echoing, intense ache that pounds between your legs. mingyu was always a lot to handle. even when you rode him in the tub, with the help of the steam and the warm, honeyed water, you needed those few minutes to adjust before he could fit himself in entirely.

however, you don’t think you’ve ever been this well-lubricated. you’re so slick that you doubt you’ll need the time you usually require. mingyu grins. he grabs your hips and turns you around, pressing you against the cold metal of a filing cabinet. with his knee, he nudges your weak legs slightly, getting you to spread wider apart. his presence dauntingly fills the space behind you.

restlessly, you kick your pants the rest of the way off.

you can’t help it. as soon as mingyu starts sliding his cock between your folds, you release an awfully loud moan, one which you can imagine him smirking at. he nestles his tip against your clit and rubs slow, lethargic circles. your mouth gapes open and a shudder trembles through your entire body. mingyu’s chest meets your back as he continues the final moments of teasing.

“you like when i do this, baby?” mingyu whispers into your ear, “you’re so sensitive, and i’m not even inside you yet.”

it’s at that moment mingyu starts pressing himself past your slit. the perspiration twinkles against your forehead. he’s only a little way past his tip and you’re already babbling incoherent sentences that don’t seem to have any meaning. both of mingyu’s hands are planted firm to your hips. he pushes in even further, and his forehead falls against your shoulder.

“holy ff-fuck,” he groans, breathing heavily, “baby, y-you’re so fucking tight – nnnrgg – s-shit, you gotta relax, sweetheart. you gotta relax if you wanna fit all of me, remember?”

his thumbs begin to massage circles against your hipbones. you can tell he’s gritting his teeth, attempting to not blow his load right then and there.

inch by inch, mingyu slowly succeeds in stuffing his cock inside you. there are dried trails of drool leaking from your lips, and you know if you open your eyes, you’ll see dots and stars. he wants to move, wants to pull back his hips and split you apart as he fucks you. he kisses your shoulder blade as your entire body trembles. you can feel yourself quickly adjusting to him.

“you almost there, baby?” mingyu asks, kissing your neck, “don’t wanna hurt you.”

the second you confirm with mingyu that you’re okay for him to move, you can visualize the long-awaited grin decorating his face. you suspect he might start slow, just to be certain, but that’s certainly not the case. it became immediately apparent just how badly he needed to fuck you. his thrusts are not soft nor docile. he slams his hips against you, jerking the whole cabinet.

every time his cock fills you up, the sensation consumes you like an otherworldly spell. it’s an array of pleasure and intensity you can’t begin to fathom. mingyu grips the top of the filing cabinet. he fucks into you with a new aggressiveness, your mouth parted in a silent, stretched out scream that can’t even form in your lungs. he abuses your golden spot, over and over.

“fuckfuckfuck,” mingyu growls through his clenched teeth, “you feel so ff-fucking good. your pussy feels s-so good, baby, s-so tt-tight and warm and – ff-fuck – fuck i need to fill you up r-right now. m’gonna make you take my c-cum, sweetheart. m-make you take all of it—,”

you feel his release, it buries deep inside of you, plentiful and thick, warm and full and so smooth, painting your walls in cream. a few seconds later, and your own release shatters the earth around you. mingyu feels the contractions around his cock. it almost stuns him. he presses his hips against you as hard as he possibly can, your walls milking him eagerly.

there’s a wet, sticky sensation that dribbles slowly down your thighs. it almost makes you wish you weren’t on birth control. it would have made for an epic pregnancy story, not that you would want to share it with anyone. you’re both breathing as though you ran an entire relay, the dim light of the backroom only growing darker as it turns to night outside the hospital.

you have no idea how you’re going to clean up, how you’re going to both slip from the filing room looking put together, how you’re going to walk out of here without a limp in your step. mingyu’s hands squeeze your hips, and he starts to pull his softened member out from your core. the moment he does, his cum starts to spill out of you, to which you whine pitifully.

“it’s so much, what am i g-gonna do?”

however, mingyu simply chuckles. “you look so pretty though, baby. you took me so well. are you feeling okay?”

“yeah, i-i just, i don’t think i can really walk right now,” your cheeks are hotly prickling while you remain leaned against the cabinet, “do you think you could run to the washroom and get some paper towels or something?”

“sure,” mingyu responds, evidently a bit proud of himself. he fits his length back into his underwear and pulls up his scrubs, “we probably should’ve locked the door, huh?”

“maybe.” you laugh, feeling a bit sleepy.

mingyu kisses you on your temple and tells you to stay put. then, he slips out the door as inconspicuously as he can, to which you reach out your arm in an attempt to click the lock shut. you can only pray mingyu doesn’t encounter wonwoo in the hallways. knowing him, he might not be able to contain himself from making a revealing comment about your relationship.

although, you feel yourself caring less and less about keeping it a secret.

some immoral part of you almost wants your coworkers to know whose been fucking you this good.

[polymathemawrites]

Hungover in the City of Dust part 1

CW: injuries, ptsd, panic attacks, maths, drug use (via the hev suit)

Alyx is gone, Gordon is running on fumes, Barney picks up the pieces

The dark hits like a freight train, thick and deep. It pulls down, down, down unrelenting and eternal. There is nothing and then there is everything. The stop-start of His voice grates on the very edge of frayed nerves, unraveling them, he is a patient man but his patience is running out, and he has expended his usefulness to an entity incomprehensible. Everything goes from too slow to too fast and he gasps awake and alive, put back into a body he never left. Eli is standing in front of him and Alyx is standing nowhere, somewhere - somewhere they can't reach, they have work to do - the Combine are not defeated yet and there is a missing Vance to find. Free but for how long and at what cost? Gordon looks down at his hand in the reinforced leather gloves of the HEV suit and tightens his grip on the paint-chipping-gently-rusted-crowbar. A nod, of course, they have work to do, and he's the man to do it.

It is in this manner that Gordon Freeman has survived the past six days. Six. Six Days. Running, running, never stopping, and it is in this manner that Gordon is ready to continue, ready to go where Eli needs him to, to save the man's daughter and Gordon's new found friend. Or it would have been, would have been if someone didn't put their hand on Gordon's arm and still him.

"Eli, I don't mean to put a damper on the Save Alyx party, but your golden boy is bleeding through whatever shitty bandages he scrounged up." The southern drawl is familiar, it is maybe his recognition of this that keeps his overtaxed nervous system from ripping his arm away. When he turns to look at him, Barney is carefully not looking back, staring Eli down instead. 

The older man pauses, looks at Gordon, or maybe it's better to say he's looking at the HEV suit, at the huge chunk taken out of the side of it, the rend on the shoulder panel, the rust-red discoloration. Her voice had gone silent with the end of combat but the thrum of morphine still settled along the edge of his vision, a welcoming gossamer blanket that dulled the fact that he had bruised ribs and a dozen or so minor lacerations. A med-pack and a power bank and he'd be good to go, really. The suit though, she had some abuse left in her, but he couldn't deny that the past four days had been rough on the Mark V.

"We are going to need Izzy to take a look at that, maybe machine some new parts." Eli's smile is apologetic and Gordon could scream, how can he look like that, Gordon should be the one apologizing, if he'd been more careful, more prepared, then they wouldn't need this downtime.

He isn't thinking clearly, he knows this somewhat, without a clear objective he was left adrift, unfocused. It's worse than when He had dropped Gordon onto a train with no fucking hope of knowing what the hell was going on. Twenty years, twenty years, and if it hadn't of been for Barney he'd have ended up organic byproduct. 

Four days ago he had watched a Civil Protection officer remove his mask and found himself saved. Today, suddenly dead on his feet, he looks down at Barney and hopes that the imminent panic attack he feels encroaching upon him won't be too bad, even if it is four days late.

He is breathing too fast and his heartbeat is high enough that she's informing him about it, but the HEV suit is unfortunately out of the Make Feel Good Juice and Gordon is all out of helpful neurochemicals. Someone shouts something and Gordon knows it's not him because, well, he's mute. 

When the black comes this time it is not the thick ink of that cosmic stasis, it's all too human and humiliating.

In high school Gordon had two entire friends. One of them was the head of the computer club, which meant the paper-punch-machine club actually, and the other was a quiet kid whose entire personality seemed to be based on being in color guard for JROTC. One day during a pep rally he'd forgotten to keep his knees loose and locked them during the stand at attention part of the presentation, Gordon didn't know what any of these things were actually called, he just knew his friend wound up with a bloody nose when he passed out because of the hypotension. Yet still, five years later, Gordon himself passed out while waiting for a train in Boston.

His head hurt far less when he woke up this time, perhaps because Eli, Barney, and Dog had all been there to catch him instead of the metal post he crashed into in Boston. 

There are a number of hands on him, when he can focus and his flight or fight response isn't lashing out at these helping hands, he realizes he's managed to punch Barney in the jaw and kicked Dog off balance. 

Barney surges forward and pins him down, which is when Gordon goes completely limp anyway due to his relatively short spurt of adrenaline wearing off and the fact that it's Barney Calhoun he just punched and if this man wanted to throttle him he would let him, deserving of it even.  

Instead Barney just holds his chest down with one arm and gently grips Gordon's jaw with the other, forcing Gordon to look at him. This close and he can do nothing else. Barney's eyes have always been interesting but age has highlighted the color differences in his irises. Gordon's vision, while blurry around the edges thanks to the train-tunnel effects of his passing panic attack, is sharply focused on Barney, where Barney is keeping him. 

He was so bad at art growing up but one didn't need to be good at art to know the science behind color. Barney's eyes were both the clearest most summer-day-water blue-green and the deepest autumnal wood. Brown and teal, unreal and so very Barney. There is a word for this condition but Gordon's grasping at straws right now and can't remember it. They're just very unusual eyes and Gordon is quite helplessly falling into them.

"You with me Gordon?" Barney asks him and Gordon nods, or tries to, attempts to, kind of hard with the former guard turned resistance commander still gripping his face but the attempt is all that matters and Barney lets him go.

He's laying on the ground, one of Barney's legs is under him, Eli's hands are on Gordon's own legs. Dog is huge and hovering. Face red from embarrassment now, Gordon pushes up onto his elbows in a reclining position and Barney takes his leg back. 

He forms his hand into a fist and brings it to his chest, moving it in a tight circle around and around. 

"No Gordon, I'm sorry." Eli gently stops his hand, silences him. "We have work to do, but you won't be able to do anything until we get you cleared by a medic and get Izzy to take a look at that suit."

Together they help him up, the HEV suit's finally powered down, but she'd been running on fumes for hours now. Unfortunately this makes his already aching and fatigued muscles scream out from being overtaxed. 

"I've got him, Eli." 

They're in the hallway outside the large hangar that comprises Eli's lab by the time Gordon realizes that he hasn't seen Barney since the train station back in City 17. When had he gotten here? Had he seen Eli die and then Not die, had he seen Alyx just stop existing? Because Gordon fucking hadn't, he'd been blacked out - again.  Was Barney alright himself? Had he just arrived only to have to babysit him?

He spins his index finger around and around in front of himself, he feels drunk, his movements are slow and sluggish. 

Despite Barney actively corralling him down the hall, his eyes are riveted to Gordon's hands.

"When?" He nods and Barney seems to chew over what Gordon is asking, "Oh, just a few hours ago, I barely get settled in and hear about a ruckus, you're constantly causing trouble aren't you?" The tone is teasing, warm, Barney's voice is like a balm, pours right over him like the decadent kiss of morphine without the accompanying very hot sensation in his head. 

Six days, it's only been six days, but for Barney and Eli and -everyone- it's been twenty years. Without the pressing need to run, save Barney from sniper fire, or get shoved into another HEV suit, he is free to realize that an implied twenty year gap is doing absolutely nothing to curb the huge and inconvenient crush he has had on Barney for a year. A year for him at least. The streak of salt in his mostly pepper hair is also doing absolutely nothing to curb this crush either, in fact he would go so far as to consider it made it worse.

Unfortunately free of the effects of morphine, coming down off of a panic attack, and now feeling the full impact of his wounds, Gordon has to admit it's not a crush if you've been in love with someone for a year, that's just pathetic. 

Now a resonance cascade, eldritch abomination cosmic entities Lovecraft couldn't have dreamed up, and a full blown occupation of earth had put Gordon out of the picture for twenty years. It had also caused him to be a near messianic figure to a whole race of alien creatures and the remnants of humanity - something he really didn't want to think about. Luckily when Barney looked at him he seemed to be seeing Gordon in the exact same way he did twenty years ago if the soft smile and warm honey gaze was anything to go by. Bemused, that's what he'd call that particular expression on Barney's face. 

They stop suddenly, Barney bringing them to a halt, which is when Gordon finally looks away from him. They're in a quiet room, maybe a former storage room but now a private bunk. There is a cot up against the back wall, tucked between two mostly full shelving units. A heap of blankets has been dumped on the cot, as well as a number of packs placed on the shelves. There is a basin and a bucket of water for washing, and Gordon can spy some first aid packs and weapon caches amidst the cluttered shelves. 

"I'm going to get you out of this fucking thing and then I'm gonna get you a medic." Barney informs him but Gordon is looking past him to the basin and it's bucket of water.

He puts his hands together and brushes them against one another in a mimicry of washing his hands. Clean.

"I'm sure the medic will know what's best for that."

Gordon, standing still in the center of the room, attention riveted on the bucket of water like it's a lifeline, repeats himself until Barney has to catch his hands - again. 

"Okay!" But there isn't any hostility or exasperation in Barney's tone, no he's laughing instead.  

"Far be it for me to judge a man's aversion to getting seen by the medics when I avoid them myself. We'll get you clean and go from there, that good?"

Gordon nods, and even though he knows he won't make it without Barney's assistance, he heads toward the basin and bucket anyway, grateful when he finds Barney is right there next to him. 

Without the suit's charging station and hydraulic mechanism to quickly and mechanically free him, it is just the combined effort of their four hands and Barney's seemingly infinite patience to remove the thing. But even patience alone didn't account for how Barney seemed to know where the clasps and mechanisms were. Gordon is reminded that it was Barney who had gotten him 'into' the suit or showed him to it four days ago. These thoughts prove to be fruitless, without purpose, as the pieces of the very abused HEV suit are removed and the jumpsuit beneath them is revealed as are the injuries Gordon has sustained, the bandages he'd hastily applied in stolen moments of down time on his own or with Alyx's help. Barney pauses, the chest plate removed as well as the shoulder guards, and he seems to just stare at Gordon.

The last twenty years loom between them again, Gordon can't read his expression so carefully tooled to be neutral and blank, not the Barney whose emotions he wore plain for everyone to see unless it was poker night. There is a scar high on his left cheek, a number of smaller ones all over - and these are just the ones Gordon can see on his face.

"Oh Gordon, what happened to you?" There is such soft sorrow in Barney's words and when the man puts his hand to Gordon's cheek, he is helpless to keep himself from turning his face into the touch, closing his eyes and pressing his cheek and jaw into that gloved palm with all of his touch-starved needy heart. Barney's touch is no longer precise and perfunctory, it is gentle, when he draws his hand away Gordon almost chases it but manages to catch himself before he can further his own humiliation. Something has shifted between them and Barney won't let his slipping hands help anymore, just keeps batting them away, finally Barney grins up at him, "I've got you." He repeats what he told Eli but now it's completely different, personal and soft, just the two of them, "So stop makin' my job harder and just let me work."

Gordon lets him work, when he sways on his feet Barney steadies him. When he leans into him Barney catches him. The rest of the suit joins the other sections on the ground. When it's just the bloodied jumpsuit and Gordon's socked feet on the cold concrete, Barney's hands still.

A week ago and this fantasy would have played out differently, for one he wouldn't be riddled with defensive wounds and have obvious trauma, but also Barney wouldn't be looking at him with that mixture of soft worry and likely muted fury. He actually didn't know what Barney's aroused face looked like so his fantasies had always been a little body focused anyway but definitely no fury or worry in any of them. Barney's hand goes to his injured side, gentle against the tattered jumpsuit and the bandages. It's all dirty with blood and whatever else Gordon had been thrown into out there. 

"Darlin' I'm gonna have to get you out of this."

Gordon nods, dumbly, hung up on the first word. 

Barney's hands are so gentle and Gordon reels under their good works, he can't track where they are going only where they've been, the slow way they move, there is no predictive model here to tell him where to brace himself for kindness next. Actually seeing the mottled mess of his own skin  through the rends in the jumpsuit is an experience that knocks him right out of his body entirely. 

Where A and B are a pair of operators, with A representing speed and B representing placement - Gordon is a lone man set on a trajectory in the universe he has no hope of comprehending or tracking, the speed with which he has been traveling has slowed to a stop and yet he still feels as if he is going too fast. His body at stand still thrums with an energy he is powerless against and every time Barney's hands track against baring skin his pulse jumps. He cannot predict where he will be in a day, an hour, a minute, he is lost in this second, that drags and drags as Barney's eyes glance up to meet his face, undoing the line of velcro all the way down Gordon's chest and lower still. His head spins and he has to reach out to brace himself against Barney's firm padded shoulder, thick and strong.

He is adrift in a complex dimensional space that tracks over multiple planes of reality, his wavelength has resonated at a frequency that no one else on Earth has and yet he is still so uncertain of his place. Not too surprising when the equation clearly states that you might know how fast you're going but never where you are at the same time. Just usually it was on the quantum level, not one man against a time-space anomaly. His speed and location operators are held up between two brackets, and within those brackets are the estimated answers to his questions, yet if he's standing still how can he hope to theorize where he'll be next?

Where he'll be next is shivering in this bunk he's realizing is probably the one Barney claimed to stow his gear in, with the door shut and a man he has been attracted to for the longest time slowly undressing him. Logic states the probability that his next place will be embarrassing the ever loving shit out of himself but somehow, somehow he doesn't make a noise when Barney slides the jumpsuit down from his abused shoulders and down, down, till the man's hands are sliding over his hips and drawing the dirty green cloth past them. He doesn't move to grab onto him, to press his body into Barney's and just feel him, to test the strength hiding beneath the layers of his Civil Protection uniform. He does go very limp when Barney manhandles him to lean against the wall though. 

All predictive models and the familiar Robertson-Schrodinger equation fall to the wayside when Barney strips his thick gloves off. Gordon watches the man's steady movements, the slow curve of his familiar smile despite time and distance. He could never hope to apply the uncertainty equation when all higher functioning is gone. He is no longer out of his body, he is in it, very much in it. Barney's hands are warm from the confines of his gloves, gentle as they tackle the bandages scattered on Gordon's now scrawny form out of the bulk of the HEV suit's flattering lines. 

"You okay there, Gord? Look like you're about to be knocked over by a stiff wind." 

He gives Barney a thumbs up. 

Yeah, really okay, super duper okay. Barney's hands feel like fucking rapture. Warm and lightly callused, strong firm grip when they move Gordon's body every which way. Unwinding bandages that have clearly served their purpose, some of them stick and Barney apologizes under his breath, muttered words and quick movements. Gordon only vaguely registers the pain, it cannot hope to touch the surface of pleasure just having Barney's hands against him is causing.

He reaches out to brace himself against the basin's counter top, hip cocked under Barney's hand momentarily, Gordon tries to swallow around the thick lump in his throat. Warm hand skids up his side, bloody bandage that wraps across half his chest. Barney unravels it the same as he'd done the one on Gordon's right leg and his left arm, careful and quick. Dirty wounds and sepsis waiting to set in.

But despite the severity Barney doesn't dump him on the nearest medic, he holds to his word instead and brings the bucket of water up to the counter. A rag is fetched from somewhere and then Barney is cleaning him. Gordon would be more embarrassed about this if it were not for the fact that he only has one arm as the other is bracing him up to keep him from sliding to the floor as the HEV suit's power system isn't holding him up and pumping him with Go Juice. 

Barney gives him a little grin, holding Gordon's abused arm over the basin to catch the blood-grit water as it drips off of him, "You're in pretty good shape for a man of science."

Gordon snorts his bemusement and gives Barney a look over his glasses. Barney would fucking know, he'd helped Gordon train for the months of HEV suit preparation after all. He worries for a second then, has it been that long, has Barney forgotten that much in the years Gordon has been absent.

His fears are laid to rest instantly, "Remember when you couldn't even run a full mile?" 

Yeah, and look at him now. Well not right now, as he looks nothing like the implied messianic figure he's meant to be, but rather look at him a few hours ago. When Alyx was still there, making bad puns and cheering Gordon on, when she wasn't somewhere, in some place unknown and unfathomable and most of all not here. What would have been the next point of reference for them, where would they be right now if she'd remained? Did this count as time travel? 

I feel like all I have done is run for six days.

Barney pauses, while Gordon had managed to explain his ageless appearance to Alyx, the rest of his old friends and colleagues weren't as in the know. "Six days?" Barney marvels, hanging there like a DOS box trying it's best to load badly written code, "It's been twenty years, six days?" Barney's voice is husked and worn when he repeats himself and he lets Gordon's now clean arm drop gently back down.

Gordon nods, Stasis, no time passed for me mentally or physically between the Resonance Cascade and you intercepting me.

"Fuck Gordon." Barney reaches up, takes his face in the slightly damp palm of his hand, holds him there and really seems to look at him. "Kind of thought you just aged really damn well, it was hard enough to believe the 'gaunts when they went on about you saving them, didn't... I didn't realize, something like this could happen."

Gordon has nothing else of substance to offer Barney to explain it. It would take far more research and model running to even begin to formulate a working theory about what the fuck He was in his plain grey suit and stilted speech. He figured in the coming days he'd have time to do that, now that it was Alyx who had been taken. Now that there was someone on the outside who knew.

What took Alyx, is what took me.

Eli had some understanding of this entity, he didn't know how, but he was certain he'd find that out soon too, just as soon as his fragile worthless body would let him. 

Barney is still touching his face, still half holding him, when he finally notices he seems to come to his senses and applies himself back to the task of cleaning off dried blood and other muck. Gordon would miss the contact if it had not just moved onward to other parts of him. There are more cuts on him than there is water in the bucket but Barney focuses his attention on the worst of it. Barney's touch lingers on the surface of his skin even after he has moved his hand away, a burning path of warmth and water. Gordon realizes he doesn't want to go anywhere right now, he doesn't want to think of tomorrow or an hour away, he wants this moment to last. 

He can breathe, painful but he can breathe and he is finally still. The Combine awaits, there is no knowing where Alyx is, how much time they have, but right now in this moment he can push down the guilt and allow himself the desire to remain here in this place with Barney eternally. The stroke of a familiar hand, the warm presence of someone who cares about him, the gentle teal-brown heat of his friend's gaze. 

"You're back with us now and damned if I'll just sit around and let some kind of creature put you in a box for another twenty years. I've got you." 

Gordon wonders how badly he's going to end up hung up on Barney's new mantra of, 'I've got you.' Trick question, he's already hung up on everything Barney.

[dustedmagazine]

Ian Mathers’ 2020: We’re stuck inside our own machines

I’ve had a song I loved in high school and haven’t thought much about since stuck in my head. The song “Apparitions” by the Matthew Good Band is a fine example of the alt rock of the late 90s; if you grew up then but somewhere down in the states (or elsewhere) instead of my southern Ontario you may well have your regional equivalents, and like this one they may not resonate terribly strongly outside of their time and place. It popped back into my head after a long time recently and of course 2020 has changed it a little. A song that as a teen I felt keenly as about loneliness (albeit also about how technology can feed into that) of course now plays on my nerves as another small piece of art about the way that most of us (those scared and/or responsible anyway) have only that relatively narrow, technologically mediated connection to the people we love. All of us, artists and listeners alike, are trying to fit our feelings and art and selves down these little connections, with some success.

On a personal level, 2020 wound up being stressful in ways we couldn’t have predicted even after the pandemic hit. In circumstances that could have seen governments on this continent support those unable to work (and those who shouldn’t have to), support those workers who are truly essential, support workers and renters and even landlords and small businesses, instead we got a near-total abeyance of those governments using the resources we provide them with to save any of us. On a personal level my wife and I were lucky enough to be able to work from home (not that it didn’t come with its own forms of stress, and now that I’m off until January I have several work/stress-related illnesses to recover from) but still saw friends and loved ones lose good, used-to-be-sustainable livings overnight, saw family businesses succumb to a near-total absence of effective government support after months of trying to keep above water, etc.

It is probably no surprise that this is not a situation conducive to listening to music, let alone writing about it; I have deliberately and happily kept busy on behind the scenes stuff at Dusted that I could still manage but looking, at the end of the year, at the amount I managed to actually create is demoralizing if not at all shocking. I’m not sure I think next year will be ‘better’ in many important ways, although at our job there is a growing feeling among coworkers that next year has to have some work/life balance because 2020 was, maybe more than anything else, unsustainable.

That’s not to say I didn’t spend a lot of time and emotion on music this year, and if nothing else constant sleep deprivation, stress, and panic meant I was probably open to being deeply moved by all sorts of art even more than normally (it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even read a sad or moving twitter thread out loud to my wife without getting teary, which is kind of… nice?). Funnily enough the band that did the most to keep me sane didn’t really put out anything in 2020. Personal favorite, Low, instead started, in early April, getting on Instagram with something they called on whim “It’s Friday I’m in Low.” With one brief break they have now done by my count at least 35 shows (catalogued here, by the way), every Friday at about 4 my time.

Admittedly it’s easier for Low to pull this off than some bands, since the 2/3 of the trio that sing are a married couple (they’ve had a couple of socially-distanced backyard shows with bassist Steve Garrington, but he’s mostly been isolating elsewhere). These shows have seen the band’s Alan Sparhawk take a mid-set break to do follow-up phone interviews with the acts featured in the COVID-curtailed touring bands series Vansplainingthat they started on YouTube, or just to give a tour round their vegetable garden and talk tips. It’s seen Alan and Mimi Parker draw on their impressive, 25+ year body of work (averaging 4-5 songs a set, I don’t think they’ve repeated themselves yet) and talk a bit between songs about pandemics, politics, song choices, and whether Alan should grab his bike helmet this time.

They’re not the only musicians out there speaking love and sanity (and playing music) into the strange digital interzone filled with hate and disinformation where we’ve all been forced to gather while locked down, but they were and the most consistent and steady signal being emitted each week. No matter how tired I was from work or what new symptoms I’d developed or what horrific thing I read into the news, even if I had to take an emergency nap while it was actually airing, every Friday the show was there. Once things do return to something more like normal, it’s one of the few things I’ll unambiguously miss about this weird-ass year.

So if that makes an argument for Low as my band of the year (admittedly again… it’s not like Double Negative has aged poorly, either), that does a disservice to those 2020 records I did connect with; even if there are still literally dozens I have to go through, many of which I expect to love, my top picks this year (if as unrankable by me as always) hit me as hard as any top pick in recent years did. So here I present a quick and informal top 5, which the rest of my top 20 following in alphabetical order. Here’s hoping for more time and space in 2021 for music, and even more than that, for more support for those who need it from those who could have been providing it all this time. (The Matthew Good Band, incidentally, always did best with their ballads. “Strange Days” is another I’ve had in my head these days; the image of moving “backwards, into a wall of fire” has stuck with me since the 90s and it’s never felt more grimly appropriate.)

Greet Death — New Hell

New Hell by Greet Death

This one is, in some sense, cheating; it came out November 2019. But that just means it’s the latest winner of my personal Torres Prize for Ian Being Late to the Party (so named because becoming slightly obsessed with Torres’ Sprinter just after I sent in my 2015 list was the first time I noticed that one of my favorite records of each year tends to get picked up by me just after I call it quits on the year, no matter how long I try to wait). This very doom and gloom slowcore/metal/(whatever, just know it’s heavy) trio at first felt very much like my beloved Cloakroom (whose Time Well has also won a Torres Prize) but sure enough nuances revealed themselves. Back in February it felt almost a little too negative, but then the rest of 2020 happened. And the extended burns of “You’re Gonna Hate What You’ve Done” and the title track remain searing.

Holy Fuck — Deleter

Probably the record I’ve been trying to write about the longest in 2020, and the one I’m most disappointed in myself that I just couldn’t get the requisite paragraphs together. It’s a wonderful effort from the consistently great Toronto resolutely human-created (and —mediated) dance music quartet, one that both feels like a summation of everything they do well, and with the addition of some outside voices (including strong turns from the singers of both Hot Chip and Liars) a step forward at the same time.

Spanish Love Songs — Brave Faces Everyone

Brave Faces Everyone by Spanish Love Songs

As the year got worse, this roar of defiance only got more crucial for me to hear every so often; I was a big enough fan of it, even after writing it up for Dusted, that when they solicited fan footage for a subsequent music video you may just be able to get a glimpse of me in it. (I’m the one in a “No Tories” t-shirt.) My punk rock-loving twin brother was the one who introduced me to Spanish Love Songs and we were supposed to spend an evening in June screaming along to them live in a packed, sweaty room. I need that in my life again.

Julianna Barwick — Healing Is a Miracle

Healing Is A Miracle by Julianna Barwick

It’s a sign of what 2020 has been like here that even just this album title leaves bruises, and while I privately worried Barwick would have a hard time following up 2016’s sublime Will (probably my favorite record that year), it seems that continuing to take whatever downtime she needs to keep focusing and refining her particular muse has once again yielded amazing results. Anyone who thinks they know what a Barwick track sounds like should really check out, say, “Flowers”, but much of this record absolutely sounds like Barwick, just even better than before. She also boasted my wife and I's favorite streaming concert of 2020, an absolutely gorgeous rendition of this album with Mary Lattimore showing up.

Phoebe Bridgers — Punisher

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers

I joked on Twitter recently that I have far too nice a dad (and far too good a relationship with him) to be as obsessed as I am with Phoebe Bridgers’ “Kyoto”, but here we are. Like most of her generation, Bridgers’ social media presence ranges from shit-posting to inscrutable, but even though things are often just as hard to figure out in her beautiful songs (as they often are in life), there’s an emotional clarity to them that can just grab you deep down. Couple that with seriously impressive songcraft and the progress from her already astounding debut Stranger in the Alps and more than anyone else in 2020 I’m excited to see just where the hell Phoebe Bridgers is going to go, because it feels like she’s talented and hardworking enough to go just about anywhere and drag a lot of our hearts with her.

Other Favorites

Aidan Baker & Gareth Davis — Invisible Cities II

Anastasia Minster — Father

Deftones — Ohms

Hum — Inlet

Kelly Lee Owens — Inner Song

Mesarthim — The Degenerate Era

Perfume Genius — Set My Heart On Fire Immediately

Protomartyr — Ultimate Success Today

Rachel Kiel — Dream Logic

The Ridiculous Trio — The Ridiculous Trio Plays the Stooges

Sam Amidon — Sam Amidon

Shabason, Krgovich & Harris — Philadelphia

Stars Like Fleas — DWARS Session: Live on Radio VPRO

Well Yells — We Mirror the Dead

Yves Tumour — Heaven to a Tortured Mind

Five Reissues/Compilations/etc.

Aix Em Klemm — Aix Em Klemm

Bardo Pond — Adrop/Circuit VIII

Charles Curtis — Performances & Recordings 1998-2018

Coil — Musick to Play in the Dark

Hot Chip — LateNightTales

Ian Mathers

[demigodsanswer]

What are everyones favorite songs/bands?

(all links go to Youtube)

Percy: It’s been said before, but this boy is a music snob. He only listens to “real music” and for sure has London Calling and Sticky Fingers on vinyl. Sally can always tell when he’s had a bad day, because he comes home and listens to The Wall (because he’s a drama queen). Bisexual music snob Percy for sure has this poster of Jim Morrison on his wall, and not just because he’s a fan of The Doors: 

He is also a fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. His favorite song by them is “Easily” (some of the lyrics are: “The story of a woman on the morning of a war / Remind me, if you will, exactly what we're fighting for / Throw me to the wolves because there's order in the pack / Throw me to the sky because I know I'm coming back”). He’s also a fan of Rise Against, and his favorite album by them is Appeal to Reason. 

Annabeth: Listen, I’m gonna say something potentially controversial, but it’s something I believe very strongly in. Annabeth is a Britney Spears fan. Hard core. She was born in 1993 and got to camp in 2000. You know that older girls at camp were all learning the dance moves to “Oops I Did It Again” and she learned with them. In 2007, when Britney had her breakdown, Annabeth looked back on her own past three years - the quest for the lightning bolt, the sea of monsters, holding up the sky, and going into the Labyrinth, and she just thought “Oh okay. I’m not gonna do it, but I totally get it.”

And for a while she hid this, writing it off as a guilty pleasure. But then, somewhere after the war with Gaia, she was finally like “fuck it. I’m Annabeth Chase, I’ve saved the world, I redesigned Olympus. I like Britney Spears and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.” Now she’ll unironically say things like: “I didn’t like the Greatest Showman, I thought it was too derivative of the Britney Spears Circus music video.” This does annoy her music snob boyfriend to no end, but she just responds to his complaints with: “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over how much fun I’m having.” 

Grover: I feel like he and Percy just chill in the woods and listen to the Grateful Dead while Grover plays covers of their songs on his reed pipes. 

Nico: This is also potentially controversial. I don’t think he’d really like pop punk or emo music. I think that he’d actually really enjoy more mellow indie-folk music. I think he’d love Hozier (favorite song is “Be” and “In a Week”. He also loves Hadestown, both the musical and the original concept album. Besides Hozier, he also loves the band the Oh Hellos. His favorite song by them (and possibly his favorite song of all time) is “Dear Wormwood.” 

Thalia: Green Day, but especially newer Green Day. She did not pay attention to the parental advisory warning on American Idiot and now she’s gay and she hates the government. Her favorite song is “Letterbomb,” and, although she’s not a fan of musical theater generally, she has to admit that Rebecca Naomi Jones killed that song on the musical album. 

Piper: I don’t know what her favorite band would be, but she for sure has the energy of someone who says “Oh yeah, I like Panic! at the Disco, but only their early stuff, like A Fever You Can’t Swear Out and Pretty Odd.” But then she secretly jams to Prey for the Wicked. 

Leo: He for sure likes comedy music, like Bo Burnham (favorite song is the Kanye Rant) and Lewberger’s “White People Taco Night.”

Jason: Jason has the energy of a white boy who loves the Beatles. His favorite song is probably “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.” His favorite movie is “Across the Universe.” 

Hazel: I don’t know what her favorite band/singer/song would be, but I do know that Jason tried to get her to listen to Abby Road once, and she laughed in his face. 

Frank: I think that Frank just vibes with everything. Doesn’t matter what it is. Spotify is so confused by what to recommend him, because he’s just got the most eclectic playlists. The algorithm is like “Do you want show tunes? KPop? Rock? R&B? What do you want??”

Clarisse: I don’t think she’d really care about music that much, she just wants music thats upbeat to workout to. If she were to go to a band’s concert live, she’d probably go see the Dropkick Murphy's; they’re probably the only band that she actually listens to when she’s not working out (she prefers audiobooks and podcasts for things like commutes to work/class and downtime). Her favorite song by them is “Rose Tattoo.” One time, she wore a Murphy’s tee shirt to a bar, and the bartender asked if she was from Boston or if she was Irish, and she just said: “No, but I’m white and violent, so I feel spiritually connected to them.”

Will: I think that he’d be the one to be obsessed with early 2000s pop punk and emo music. Fall Out Boy, Taking Back Sunday, Say Anything, all of it. He hears the opening chords to “Cute Without the E” and he loses his damn mind. 

I can’t do everyone, because I’ve pretty much only listened to the same 48 songs for the last decade. Also my youtube algorithm is not fucked from searching for all this music. 

[sashamsmith]

[ SASHA SMITH. 22. FEMALE. SHE/HER] is here! They’ve lived in Silver Lake for [ 3 YEARS ] and are originally from [ CLEVELAND, OHIO ]. They are a [ PROSTITUTE ] and in their downtime love [ SMOKING ] and [ WATCHING TV ]. They look a lot like [ ELLE FANNING ] and live [ IN OASIS APTS ].

hello! it’s beth again :’) you probably don’t remember me because I stay for so little every time but I’ve been here many times before and I actually remember some of yous. anyways, here’s Sasha and you can read about her fucked up life under the cut.

tw for prostitution and all it’s merits, parental death and cancer. also for a convoluted and vague ass bio lol, because I’m still adjusting Sasha for Normal People rps, but the basics are here.

basics — Alexandra Marie Smith — doesn’t know who tf that is either — Cleveland born and raised — not above roasting either but she  A D O R E S  both her city and her state — Oct 17th 1998. birthday fell on Sweetest Day of that year lmaooo — libra sun, cancer moon, taurus rising — (I actually went and did her birth chart but considering it was inacurate nonsense I pulled this one out my ass) — has no idea what any of that means though. — doesn’t believe in signs or in much of anything, though you could say she’s looking for a miracle

early life shit — mom exited the picture fast, she needs less than a hand’s fingers to count memories with her and they’re all bad — raised by dad who was involved in gang activity. — dad was in and out of jail all her childhood — they were still pretty close and very much a team. — when he wasn’t in the slammer he owned a gas station somewhere in east Cleveland — you guessed it, it was often a front for shadier shit — she’s pumped gallons of gas, this girl — when she was in first grade there was another Alexandra in class, and a boy named Alex so her teacher, a second gen russian was like “yeh, imma call you Sasha” but she LOVED it — wouldn’t even answer to Alex anymore by the time her dad was out of jail that time, the name sticking — shitty school, shitty neighbourhood, shitty everything but a lot of fun was had tbh, shitty childhood of the “you don’t even realise it’s fucked up” variety — drugs and alcohol entered the picture pretty fast though having her dad to answer to meant she never went past the point of no return. — when she was 17 or thereabouts her dad got sick. wouldn’t get better. they started selling stuff and he started borrowing from Shade Central to get his chemo. — he died at some point between Sasha’s 19th birthday and Thanksgiving — they both knew he was gonna die and he had warned her beforehand to take what she can and get out because people he owed to would be coming for the house — her dad probably meant something like “go to your great-aunt in Columbus” but homegirl had a friend at the time who was planning to go to California so she jumped on a bus to LA with him right after the funeral — in her defense though she was 19, newly orphaned, newly homeless and sick to shit of snow — fell asleep in the bus at some point and when she woke up her friend had dashed with what was left of the money rip — she never heard of him again — considered hopping off too but with the ticket being the only thing she had left she kept riding until LA

LA / Frank era — one of the first people Sasha met in LA was Frank Hudson — he was tall, dark and handsome, of the silver fox variety and nice to her since day 1. the first thing he asked her was how long had it been since she last ate something — credits him with “saving her”, which is a polite, lovestruck way to say he became her pimp — she’s been working for him for the last three years and has been in love with him for about as long. he knows. — she sees him maybe once a week and lives for these times, even though she knows he doesn’t care/reciprocate. never says no to anything Frank asks of her. — lives in a tiny one-bedroom flat in Oasis. Frank pays for it. she lives on an allowance, pretty much. it’s glam. — the specifics of how they do business with Frank change per thread pretty much and I’m sorry but I can’t make up my mind and don’t wanna be that person with the detailed descriptions of prostitution on the dash. so lol we just roll w it for the time.

fun facts/trivia/personality things — she’s just an agreeable, submissive, passive pushover in general tbh. she’s perceptive enough to know when she’s being used or walked all over or whatever, but to the extent that she cares about it she thinks she probably deserves it. self love in the negatives with this one. — chain smokes like no tomorrow — love language is acts of service hella

[welcometoclass1ahell]

Its Okay To Not Be Okay:

Kirishima x GN!Reader

(I've been gone for months but uh yeah this little piece will probably explain why kinda. Been feeling like absolute shit so wrote this to feel better woo! Tw:Angst? Def emotional)

He noticed you weren't in the common room with everyone else. You usually sat between him and Kaminari. Today however, you were missing from your usual placement. 

Excusing himself, Kirishima stood up and made his way to the elevator, stepping inside to press the button that would allow him to reach the top floor. He had a guess to where you were, somewhere away from the common room chaos and away from everyone in general. You had started this habit of disappearing to be alone since the third year started. 

Kirishima wondered if he was the only one who noticed. You were more quiet, spacing out as if the world around you seemed to only bore you. Sighing he ran a hand through his hair while tilting his head back. He stared at the elevator ceiling, the grey shine causing his reflection to stare back at him. He was slightly nervous, not even sure how to approach you. He didn't want to seem like he was prying, but its been weeks and it only seemed like you were distancing yourself more and more from everyone, even him. Your best friend, the one you could trust with everything. Right? Kirishima was going further into his rabbit hole of thoughts he almost didn't hear the elevator ding. 

Stepping out he made his way to the emergency stairs that lead up to the roof of the building. His steps became more slow as he reached the dreaded door, his hand hovering over the handle. 'Shit...I just hope they are okay," he sighed before opening the door. 

There you were, your new spot being on the floor of the roof, lying down with your limbs sprawled out as you stared up at the sky with an unreadable look on your face. 

Shutting the door behind him, Kirishima approached with his hand in his pockets,"Hey," he spoke out and looked down at you, who hadn't even bothered to look back at him.

"Hey," you responded back and the empty tone of your voice made Kirishima frown.

"I just wanted to check on you," Kirishima started as he sat down beside your head before looking up at the sky above you. The last bit of the sun's rays waving their goodbyes before they would disappear into yet another night at U.A. "Its just… you've been different lately. I'm actually...," Kirishima paused not knowing how to word it but something inside him set into autopilot. He hated seeing you like this. It was like you were never mentally there when you were together with friends and now you were never physically there at all anymore either.

"I'm worried about you. You haven't been, well you," he pointed out and looked back at you to find your eyes have finally moved to meet his.

"That obvious huh?" You bluntly responded, shrugging afterwards as if this whole ordeal was not a big deal. "I'll be fine," you added and looked back up at the pink clouds. The way you were staring at them with such intensity slightly scared Kirishima. 

"I don't believe you," was the first thing that came out his mouth.  Those words slightly surprised him but it was what he believed. There was no way you would be fine. 

"Then don't," you harshly responded, sitting up to glare at him. "It makes no difference to me,"

Feeling shocked, the redhead stared at you in disbelief. You really had changed. Before now you would have never used that tone against him.

"I just….want to help. Whatever it is, I want to be there for you. I won't even do anything if you don't want me to. I can just listen, if that would help," he sincerely returned. "Were friends right? Its what friends do," 

Silence filled the air between you and him for a short while before a defeated sigh fell out of you. Falling onto your back you closed your eyes as Kirishima watched, staying silent to give you time. 

"I feel like shit. Anything I do doesn't make a difference. I mean shit, I fucking hate this Kiri, were fucking kids and after all this bullshit we went through and everyone's acting like its okay. It's like an early fucking grave. And what are we fighting for? Some corrupt government to keep things the same? Tossing people aside like trash?" You began, your angry tone dying down to a hopeless one. "I fucking hate thinking like this. Feeling like this. I just….I just want to be okay damn it. But at this point I'll take not feeling anything at all than this,"

Kirishima sat speechless watching as the tears had started to flow down the side of your face, his own heart squeezing in hurt from seeing you like this. A cold drop to his hand had made him realize he himself was crying. "I," He didn't even know what to say.

Scooting closer to you, he used his thumb to wipe away your own tears, watching as your eyes fluttered open to meet his again. 

"Listen, I get it. This whole thing seems fucked but we are the new heroes right?  We can make a difference. We have one more year of school and then we can make a change out there," whispering softly to you, he combed his fingers through your hair. It only seemed natural to do so as he continued. 

"Plus who is okay right now? Not all of us at least. Shit even Bakugo is having his own problems with dealing with what's happened over the past 2 years. But you know what?" He questioned to which you hummed back wanting to know where he was going with this. 

"Whoever said it wasn't okay to not be okay? We're still humans. I even feel like shit, but hanging out with the guys, seeing you everyday… it's been making it a little bit more okay everyday. If you aren't okay now, then that's fine. We can't always be feeling amazing everyday because then we wouldn't want to go farther, make changes, to want differences. Not being okay is just a step to being even better,"

He hadn't realized he was ranting till he felt you shaking. Worried he looked down only to realize you were laughing. He watched in awe as tears poured down your cheeks as you let out your amazing laugh of which he hadn't heard in a long time. 

"You're amazing Kiri...thank you," you whispered and although you sounded sad, he was happy that there was emotion in your voice. 

"I really hope that's true. This sucks," you sighed, nestling in closer to his as the sky slowly was approaching a darker hue, the wind starting to pick up the colder air and pushing it over the rooftops.

Wrapping an arm around you he brought you closer, hugging you to his warmth as he nodded,"Same here. Let's find out together then okay? Coming up here alone to go down a rabbit hole in your thoughts is gonna make you feel worse. If you need a listener just come to me. We can go for a walk or chill in my room. Maybe even spar to get some anger out. Anything but please don't isolate yourself from us….from me," he begged to which he received only a nod. 

He guessed you were done talking for now, that you would like to sit in comfortable silence to end this off to which he would comply with. Putting his chin on your head he closed his eyes, relieved he came to talk to you. It sucked to hear you are feeling like shit but he's happy he can at least be there for you. 

Breathing slowly and peacefully on the rooftop while hearing the nearby traffic, chatter, and the downtime come to nighttime felt relaxing as he held you. He even felt you relaxing in his arms to which he smiled. Even if it is for a few moments, he's glad to give you a safe space.

[aewriting]

You Can't Jump the Track - Ch 4

Here's the 4th part of grad student Michael encountering a grizzled Alex Manes at a cabin in the woods!

You can read all parts on AO3 if you prefer:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23119912/chapters/55463248

***

He’s confused when he wakes up.  Head heavy, limbs stiff and sore. Then it hits him.  It’s been… it’s been almost fifteen years now.  Since he’s gotten knocked out.  It only happened a few times, back then, but that was more than enough to leave an impression. Fuck.  He forces himself to breathe, get some clarity.  Skims his tongue along his teeth, works his jaw a bit. Seems, seems like the worst of the blow caught him on the side of the face, near the temple and ear.  The blow… shit.

He jerks his head up suddenly and sees him. Alex.  Casually lounging in his recliner, placid expression on his face.

“Finally,” Alex says, matter-of-fact. 

And Michael feels so stupid.  He, he shouldn’t have come back to the cabin with Alex.  Probably shouldn’t have, fuck, shouldn’t have gone searching in the woods for pieces of the ship in the first place, all on his own like that.  Hadn’t Max warned him? He’d never liked the fact that Michael had gone into astrophysics, let alone that he was researching their home planet, trying to piece together their ship.  Max is going to kill him.

If… if Alex doesn’t do the job first.

Michael takes a deep breath.  Okay.  Okay.  He’s a genius. He, he’s dealt with super shitty situations in the past. As he’s becoming more with it, he can tell he’s got a cut on the side of his head, where the metal of the crutch must have made contact. He can smell the blood, feel where the skin feels tight and crusted over.  And like the feeling of being knocked out, he realizes, with a start, that it’s been years.  Years since anyone’s been violent to him, drawn blood.

In fact, the last person was a Manes, too.

He eyes Alex.  He’s taken off the camouflage jacket and hat, exposing a tight-fitting white t-shirt, worn thin with use, a little stained around the neck and underarms.  Without the hat it’s easier to see his face, his bone structure that’s sharper now, compared to when they were kids. The prosthetic leg is still on, along with the cargo pants.  Gun’s in his hand.  He’s not smiling.

Michael glances down at himself, sees that he’s tied up, tightly, to a chair. He strains a little at the bonds, testing them.  Tight as hell.  Like he expected any different from G.I. Alex, here.  Well, he at least has an ace up his sleeve. All he really needs is at least a little give and…

Shit.

He tries again.

Holy fuck.

There’s nothing. 

No, no powers. Not a damn hint of them. 

Since he first found out he could move things, back in the group home, he’s never, never been totally without his powers. Had difficulties controlling them, yes, but there’s never been just, just a fucking void.

He was concerned, before.  Now he’s scared.

He looks down at the ropes again.  They’re so tight.  He’s not, not getting out on his own. And then he sees it.

Blood.  On the ropes.  Not… not his. Old-looking, a rusty brown. Soaked through, in places.

He looks up at Alex in alarm. “Alex?” he forces out, and he hates how frightened he sounds.

Alex just tilts his head, narrows his eyes. 

Michael looks down at the ropes again.  Is he… is he not the first one Alex has done this to?  Have there been others, out in the woods that he’s, like, picked off?  A lost hiker or something? Is Alex… could it be that Alex is some sort of, like, sociopath?

Michael swallows hard.  Alex’s dad… Alex’s dad might be a sociopath.  Like for real. But Alex was different, right? Back in school, he’d cared about Michael, or seemed to. He was kind to him.

But high school was a long time ago.  And god knows Michael has changed.  Looking at Alex again, all cold-eyed, down a limb, brandishing a weapon, Michael knows that Alex has changed, too.

He just wonders how much.

He notices his cell phone and the contents of his wallet laid out neatly on the coffee table, the one that’s still pushed to the side of the room, revealing the bunker hatch.  It makes him uncomfortable, to think that Alex went through his pockets while he was out cold, that he hadn’t even noticed.  Within minutes of meeting him in the woods, Alex had made reference to their shared past, to his sexual preferences. He… he’d seen the way Alex had looked at him, earlier, and while it had been kind of flattering at the time, it just unsettled him now, made him wonder what it was that Alex wanted from him, exactly.

And the fact that he doesn’t have his powers… what the hell has Alex done?  And what does he know? Michael tries to think.  It… it’s possible that Alex doesn’t know he’s an alien, doesn’t know about his powers.  He doesn’t think he used his powers at all this morning.  Maybe Jim Valenti knew? Reinforced this cabin with something that’s blocking him?

Alex is out of the recliner now, walking toward Michael. Michael flinches back when he leans in close, can’t help it.

That seems to startle Alex a bit, at least momentarily, then he’s pulling a kitchen chair up close to Michael, directly across from him.  Sitting down.

“Who are you, really?”

Michael lets out a disbelieving little gasp.  “I… you serious right now?”

Alex just glares at him. 

Michael shakes his head. “In case you’ve forgotten, Alex, I’m Michael Guerin, and we grew up together.  Went to school together.  I lived in your fucking tool shed for a month before your dad smashed my god damn – “

“Stop,” Alex commands, voice cold.  “I get, get that you know that shit.” He’s looking over Michael now, searching for… for what, Michael doesn’t know.  “Are you really him?”

Michael scoffs. “Am I really who, me?” He nods his head in the direction of the coffee table.  “Fuck, Alex, you’ve got my IDs and everything.  Don’t think I’ve changed that much in ten years. You can look me up on the UNM website.  There’s a bad picture and everything.  Of course I’m me.” He swallows.  “Who, who else would I be?”

Alex’s hands are in his lap. He’s tightening them as he responds.  “Skinwalker.  Shapeshifter.”

Oh fuck.  Great.  So he’s insane.  Totally batshit insane. “What the fuck are you talking about, man?”

Alex’s face is still cold, unreadable. “You, you look like the Michael Guerin I knew.  You obviously have his, his memories and shit.  His,” Alex swallows, “his body.  His credit cards and everything.”

“Because I’m me, Alex, my god!” Michael exclaims.  “You, you been watching too much Supernatural.”

And Alex, he actually chuckles a little at that, breaking some of the tension.  “I… it is on Netflix, and I’ve had quite a bit of downtime these past two years,” he says.  His amusement is short-lived, though.  “What I’m trying to figure out,” Alex says carefully, “is how long you’ve been using him.  If you chose this – “ he gestures at Michael, “appearance specifically to get to me. Or…” he swallows hard. “Or if this has really been you, the whole time.  Even back to…“ He trails off, looks away.

And Michael’s really scared now.  Because either Alex is totally delusional, or he has some real knowledge that Michael is… different.  And hasn’t that always been the capital-F Fear in his life? That someone will find him out, find Max and Isobel out?  That they’ll end up studied, dissected in a lab somewhere?

It’s worse that it’s Alex. Someone he, until now, always thought of fondly, bittersweetly.  Alex knows him, too.  Well, knew him. Knew he used to hang out with Max and Isobel.  If he really was a codebreaker in the military, he could presumably track them down, too. Michael can’t, can’t mention them.  However this goes down, he has to contain it just to him as best he can. 

Max had warned him about this.  Warned him about his big ass ego, his research and the risks it carried. “Icarus,” he’d called him, in a dramatic fight once upon a time. 

He hopes he gets the chance to beg forgiveness.

“I’m me, Alex,” Michael says softly, because under the grizzled exterior, he thinks that maybe Alex has at least some fondness for his 17-year-old self.  And maybe he can use that.  “I’ve always been me.”

Alex blows out a breath, stares at Michael.  “Then what are you, exactly?”

Michael shakes his head.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He lets his eyes go wide.  “You’re scaring me.” It’s not a lie.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Michael.”

Michael scoffs. “You’ve already hurt me!  Knocked me out with your god damn crutch!”

Alex blows out a breath.  “I’m gonna ask you again.  What are you?”

“Grad student. Astrophysics, UNM.”

Alex’s hand twitches, and Michael thinks, for a moment, that Alex might hit him.  He doesn’t.

“You do this shit in the military?” Michael asks, tone cold now.  “Tie people up?  Hit ‘em?  Ask them impossible questions?”

Alex’s jaw goes tight.  “No,” he says finally.  “Other shit. Bad shit.  But not, not that.”

Michael cocks his head to the side. “Well maybe you missed your calling. Or lost your damn mind.”

“Shut up,” Alex hisses. “I… I need something, Michael.  Like, I know you’re lying to me, I just don’t know how much is a lie.” He actually looks, looks a little desperate.  “Please.”

Michael just glares at him.

Alex’s mouth twists a bit, and he looks down.  Composes himself? Because when he looks back up, his face is very blank again.  “I played around with that tracker while you were out.  Funny thing. Definitely works just like you said, with that glass.  The further I got from it, the lower the numbers went.  But, oddly enough, they started climbing back up.  When it came close to you.”

Shit.

Fucking shit.  This. This was always the fatal flaw in the tracker, the reason why no one else had seen it or used it yet.  The reason why Michael’s doing everything on his own (well, that and the whole “stolen materials” shit…). Because those otherworldly elements making up the spaceship? Yeah.  They’re floating around inside him, too.

And he looks at Alex, then, and he knows he’s just given himself away.  He’s not, not a professional here.  No training in fucking counter-interrogation, or whatever this shit is.  He opens his mouth.  Shuts it.  Knows he has to say something.

“I…Why should I tell you a damn thing right now, Alex? How do I know you’re not going to fucking shoot me through the skull, regardless of what I say?” Alex glares at him.  “These… these ropes have blood all over them. Have… have you done this before? Here?” Michael hears the fear in his voice again, at that.

Alex sits down heavily in the chair.  “Look.  I… I know this is shitty.  But I just… god.” He’s running his hand through his hand. “This goes against every ounce of training I have, but I’m gonna throw you a bone, because I want some real information, too.  Those ropes are Jim’s.  They’re old. I think he used them to, like, drag deer back, that he’d shot. I’d never… I’ve never. Fuck.” Alex bites his lip.  “You really think I’d…?”

He’s quiet, just looking at Michael, and finally his shoulders slump.  “Michael. I need you to tell me the truth. Because if this is who you are, if, if this is really you I’m talking to right now, then you know… you know how much I hate my father.  You know what a bad, bad guy he is.” He shakes his head.  “But I swear to god, if you don’t give me something right now, I’m calling him. Calling him and telling him everything that’s happened since you showed up this morning.  Everything I’ve found.” Alex exhales.  “And I’d really rather not do that.  But it’s your choice.” He takes a deep breath, and his face goes chilly again. “So I’m asking you.  One more time.  What are you?”

And if it comes down to this, Michael throwing himself on the mercy of a Manes, it’s going to be Alex.  Every time.

“I’m me, Alex,” he says, slowly.  “Same as I’ve always been. But what I’ve always been is… an alien.”