#gonna finish this christmas special before december if it kills me

[duhragonball]

The Punt Trick

I've been kind of inactive lately because I'm doing a writing project this month and I sort of fell behind on it. My morale was kind of low this past week, but I managed to turn things around this weekend by writing 5280 words, which is more than a quarter of the goal. Not too shabby, so I want to capture how I did it.

Historically, I've been able to write a lot more than 5k in a single day, but I can't do it consistently. It really depends on what I'm writing, and if it's something I already have laid out pretty well in my head, the words will flow. The problem I've been having in August 2023 is that my plot is well laid out, but I'm struggling to put down the words. I know what to do but I'm less clear on how to do it. So it's been slow going.

Basically, I made an hourly schedule for the rest of the month, detailing how many words I would write. I've tried stuff like that before, but the trick this time is that I made the wordcount assignments very small. I didn't think it would help very much, but it turned out to make a big difference.

For years, I would write numbers on a calendar, like "Oh, I'll write 2000 words on Tuesday, and then I'll do 2500 words on Thursday!" and then it'll be 11:48pm on Thursday and I'm 4000 words behind schedule for some reason.

I've tried making it more granular, but that would mean doing things like "At 6pm I'll write 1000 words, and then at 8pm I'll write another 1000 words! Easy!" But then it'll be 7:55pm and I won't have the first thousand done, which just demoralizes me further for the next thousand.

This time, I just decided "to hell with it" and assigned myself 500 words per hour. This turns out to be much more realistic. When I'm doing well, I can bang out 500 words in twenty minutes, but when I'm struggling (like this month), 500 words can take me... about an hour. Well, more like thirty minutes, which is great because if I procrasinate for half of the time alotted, I still have time to get the goal met.

And 500 is small enough that it's easy to overshoot. So chances are that I'll clear the goal with a little more than I needed, which makes the next hour easier to tackle, and so on.

And now that I've had this productive weekend, the schedule I've laid out for tomorrow will be even lighter. Monday I'm doing 250 words for each hour, which is probably too lax, but that just means I'll finish ahead of schedule. The important thing is that I'm not just vaguely declaring my intent to write 1500 words after I get home from work. Normally, I can do that pretty easily, but that confidence turns into procrastination, and I'll put it off until 10:30 at night, and then one thing leads to another and I blow it off completely. With this system, I have to start at 6pm, because it's not about getting 1500 by midnight, it's about getting 250 every hour for six hours.

This is something I really, really need to keep in mind for the future, because even when my writing goes well, I'll still run into spells where it doesn't, and this seems like an effective way to break the logjam. And it might also be handy for smaller projects, which I could break down into even smaller chunks, like 100 words, or even less.

I suppose what inspired me to try this was when I kept looking up at my word-counter and expecting to see some big numbers, and ending up with something dinky like "83" or "112". But with what I'm doing now, those are actually pretty good signs of progress. Chain a few of those together, and I can actually get somewhere.

I'm not sure if this would be helpful for others, but it definitely seems to be working for me, so if you're reading this and you find yourself stuck with your writing, give it a try.

[snailsandpuppy-dogtails]

Oh By Gosh By Golly

A Christmas fic? On the 27th of December? *shrugs* It's still December!

Garvez WC: 2935 Ao3 *Exists after S15, but if he never asked her out and she never left the BAU*

“Hey Garcia, you mentioned something about a place with a bunch of lights earlier?” Matt said, by way of greeting, entering the kitchenette. 

His approach, Penelope could tell, while phrased like a statement, was really a question. 

“Yes sir, Candycane Lane. Ohh! You should take the kiddies!” she released her tea, hands flying up, fingers spread, “They’d love it, it’s so fun! There’s little hot chocolate stands and this one house sells churros fresh from their kitchen on a line drawn zeppelin! Another house has a ferris wheel they fill with stuffed animals. And all the lights…It’s just magical!” Matt watched in amusement as Penelope’s eyes gleamed with excitement at the visions surely dancing in her head.

“And it’s pretty local?” he chuckled. “You bet your pretty biceps it is! Most people drive through it, but walking is really the only way to get the full experience.” She said, resuming her tea dressing, “Are you thinking about going? Please tell me you’re going. They’d have a blast!” Scooping up her mug and linking an arm with his, she walked herself to her cave, “You know, Derek, Hank, and I are going. It’s a tradition we started before he met Savannah. She very graciously has allowed us to keep it up and now we take my beautiful godbaby. Really though I think she enjoys the treat of a quiet house around now.”   “Kristy would love that.” He agreed, smiling. Reaching her office door, he slipped his arm from hers. “Ok, Garcia, you’ve convinced me. We might even see you there tonight.” he said, turning to go. Penelope beamed at the prospect of the Simmons clan buzzing joyfully from lawn to lawn, hot chocolate in gloved hands. Just a few more hours of work, then she was off to a winter wonderland with her two favorite boys. And if she was lucky she might even spot a familiar face or six. 

—------------- 

“Derek, come on! Just find a spot, let’s gooo!” The ex-agent gave her a not-so-withering look, grinning, “Woman, you’re gonna regret having pestered me into parking so far away by the end of the night.” “I’m gonna regret letting you come with Hank and me if we get there so late everyone’s lights are out and the hot chocolate’s cold!” She shot back, wrapping her scarf around her neck and tucking it into her coat, then turning to do the same for Hank while making sure his beanie was pulled over his ears.  Morgan finished eeking them into a spot and killed the ignition. “Fine, but I don’t wanna hear a word later.” Penelope smirked, already hopping out, “Oh, you’ll hear more than one, and you’ll like it.”

—------------- 

As they approached the first block, Hank’s eyes doubled in size, his tiny fists squeezing even tighter to the two adult hands he was gripping, body vibrating with excitement. There were houses glowing bright blue and frost white, ones that radiated red and gold, there were life-sized animatronics of a kissing Mr. and Mrs. Claus and large wooden hand painted cut-outs of Santa painting toys, and the Peanuts gang singing around the piano lining yards, all lit up with floodlights seasonally serving as spotlights left on the ground. Some were lavishly coated in bulbs, and some were sleek and modern, a neon green strip of “Merry Christmas” hanging from the porch, each house bringing its own special flair, a small representation of what symbolized Christmas for each neighbor. Apart from the displays, the thing Penelope really enjoyed was the people, the feel of togetherness it brought. Neighbors parking chairs in driveways sharing barbecue and stews, a group of ukulele carolers singing their hearts out for the throngs of passers by. A feeling of love and caring and unity and joy. And there was hot chocolate.  

—------------- 

The trio had made it about three streets in before Penelope finally succumbed to the cold. “Ok, next drink stand we come across, I’m buying. It is freezing!” She said, emphasizing the complaint by squeezing Hank’s hand and playing up a fake shiver.

Hank giggled looking up at her, “Yeah! Burrrr” he mimicked, playing along. Penelope smirked looking from the little Morgan, to Derek, “Hey Hank, tell your daddy I need some hot chocolate.” Derek’s mouth dropped open, eyebrows raising in faux surprise, ready to say something when a voice called from behind them, “Penelope Garcia, that wouldn’t be you I hear, feeding children inappropriate lines would it?”  Derek and Penelope stopped, turning to see who was behind them. Penelope, more than familiar with the voice, was positive she already knew exactly who she was going to find on the other side of her shoulder.  But Morgan was quicker, “Alvez, what are you doing here?” he grinned broadly at the man and extended a hand, tugging him in for a hug. “I’m spending time with my beautiful nieces and nephews, well, Matt’s kids.” he smiled releasing the hug, “Morgan, I didn’t know you were in town.”

The chance meeting took Luke by surprise who thought he’d be helping out a friend, hanging with Matt to keep an extra set of eyes on the brood for a while, he didn’t expect to run across Penelope while out tonight. Penelope who had obviously changed from her work clothes to this more casual and weather appropriate one of flair jeans and black snowflake sweater, peppermint scarf carefully knotted and topped off with a sweeping baby blue wool coat to keep out the chill.     Derek stepped back, one arm wrapping around his baby and the other pulling in Penelope “Here with my Babygirl for our yearly date.” Derek, having his suspicions and hearing the gossip, but never the opportunity to see firsthand, observed every microexpression that flitted over the other man at his actions. The cast of his eyebrows, the tightening of his eyes, and then the downturn of his mouth all arranging for a fraction of a second before sweeping back into his perpetually sunny self. “Savannah's present from me,” Penelope chirped, “I’m here with these two handsome men so she can have a relaxing night of peace and quiet.” A teasing smile spread across her face, jostling Derek with a bump of her hip. 

Luke visibly perked at her voice, shoulders squaring, face lighting up, eyes widening and glossing seemingly sparkling in the light as his pupils dilated. Yep, all the confirmation he needed. “Hey, Morgan! What a nice surprise crossing paths!” Matt wandered up behind Luke, Lily on his shoulders, Rose Mary on his chest, and reached out a hand to shake. “Thanks again for the tip, Garcia, the kids are loving it.” he said looking around, as if by merely mentioning them the missing three should materialize. Penelope wondered if that’s how it worked for Simmons, as with only a slight delay, three miniature animated people came popping out of nowhere. “Hey man, how’s it going? No Kristy tonight?” Derek asked, slapping a hand out to shake. “Not tonight, no, Garcia gave me an excellent idea earlier though,” Matt bent, letting Lily slip off his shoulders to rejoin her siblings, all dancing and shrieking through an impromptu or continued game of tag, Hank joining in. “So I roped Luke here into helping out.” He gave a squeeze to Luke’s shoulder, but winked to Morgan, smiling easily. “How about we all…walk together?”       

Derek, unable to turn it off where his loved ones were concerned, couldn’t help but profile. Yeah, he had his answer within the first 5 seconds of interaction, but he couldn’t help noticing over the hour they’d all been together the way Luke looked at her when she spoke, how he found little ways to touch or brush her, that his focus, though divided, never strayed entirely from Penelope, and he almost never resisted an opportunity to tease and play with her. Something Simmons had obviously noticed too, setting up this little chance outing. 

—------------- 

With Penelope giddily leading the parade, the group of nine merrily made their way to the house she knew to have sweet pastries delivered by air. Children clamoring busily to spot the contraption, they fell into the end of the line rapidly threatening to wrap around the corner. The four adults talked and caught up while keeping a loose eye on the little ones. There were “ooohs!” and “aaahhs!” as the silver blimp flew, but Derek was more focused on how Luke mindlessly played with Penelope’s scarf and how his cheeks flushed red making eye contact when Derek smirked at him, crossing his arms, thinking,‘Yeah, you bet I know.’       

“INCOMING!” was bellowed down from an open window glowing softly at the top of the hill. Penelope squealed and clapped with joy as the zeppelin sailed down the zipline, their order of piping hot churros dangling from a basket below. Sweet, cinnamony confections distributed, and Penelope’s coat saved from certain ruin by Luke who expertly brushed it clean of crumbs, they pushed on with their adventure taking in the various decorations and entertainment. Watching the way Luke was with her and her being so unaware was painful, to see them interact and play off one another was killing him. Why Penelope didn’t see it (or didn’t want to) he wasn’t sure, but he was going to let her know at least one person did. Waiting until they’d gotten back into a flow, wandering from house to house, Derek fell back holding Penelope with him, friends and children wandering ahead just out of earshot, the ukulele group singing about mommy kissing Santa Claus disrupting anything that might be overheard. Risking an eyebrowed glance to where Luke stood, his breath stilted, still feeling dubious about the whole thing, about her willful ignorance. “Babygirl, you’re tellin’ me you have not given this man one ounce of sugar?” Wrapping her arms around him she pushed up on her tiptoes, beaming with pride, “Not one lovin’ spoonful” No, she would not fall into that trap. Though, truthfully, it was getting harder, he was so sincere and so persistent.   “Mama, why on god’s green earth not?! He is clearly head over heels for you!” It was a genuine question, the night leaving no doubt in his mind, if Luke Alvez was not in love with his girl, he really did retire in time. There was no way Penelope couldn’t see it too,  if it was fear holding her back, he hoped his vote of confidence would help ease that. Jason Battle was a one-off psycho, what he meant when he told her to listen to her gut, was just that, she had told him it felt off, and she turned out to be right. This though he knew was not off, could see it, hell he could feel the electricity between them, she had to as well.   What the heck? “N-no he’s not! Oh my god, we are not talking about this right now!” Penelope, thrown at the suggestion and what seemed to be Morgan’s active enthusiasm for the very not happening situation between her and Luke, became flustered, letting go and bolting for their friends where she stood behind them shoving her hands into her pockets with a scowl on her face. Derek, feeling guilty at having upset her, let her go, giving her space. Maybe he’d overstepped… he only wanted her to be happy, he could see Luke making her happy. He just needed her to see it too. He hoped this would get her thinking about it. When it was so clear to everyone else, he hoped she wouldn’t continue to block out something that could be good for her.  

Penelope reappearing caught Luke’s attention and seeing her frustration, he looked between her and Morgan, hand instinctively coming to her back. She twisted from his touch, but didn’t move away. His hand dropped automatically, but his pinky continued contact, brushing soothing strokes against hers in her coat.

One and a half songs later Derek rejoined them, an apology for getting out of line mumbled in her hair. All forgiven, Penelope fell easily back into his embrace and returned it tenfold, most of the party none the wiser. 

—-------------  Crossing the street, the boys lined up, stern, menacing, and friendly faces ensuring traffic stop at their stop signs. Penelope, chain of children in one hand, cocoa in the other leading the dash giggling behind their own personal guard of bollards. 

It was during one of these dashes, post musical concert, that Luke was caught for the hundredth time staring after her in wonder. Matt, feeling enough games had been played between actual children that night, nudged his shoulder and nodded in her direction, “Go.” Pausing for a beat, Luke looked between his friend and Morgan, whose expressive eyebrows were now most of the way up his forehead in a similar manner. Seeing no way around something so obvious, and hoping to avoid the embarrassment of more encouragement and/or blessings, he flickered a ‘thank you’ smile before trailing close behind her. 

With a shwoop, the small hand was smoothly replaced with a large one, Luke’s warm palm effortlessly slipping into Penelope’s. Her pulse catapulted, Derek’s words fresh in her mind. Feeling the shift in texture and size, his thumb coming to brush the outside of hers, her steps came to a standstill facing him. She looked back for Derek, for Chloe whose hand had been in her own, only to spot the group of children bookended by the imposing figures of current and former FBI agents not so covertly directing the group’s attention to a house with their backs to her. Profilers? Pfft. More like planners.   Luke checked his shoulder as well, a small smile appearing before moving closer, twined arm wrapping high on twined arm, shoulder kissing shoulder, and tugged forward, some redirection of his own. “Mind being my escort?” he asked with his usual sunny lilt.   

Penelope looked back to him, head tilting in question to see Luke nod ahead of them. The way they were facing, they were bound for an icicle archway, rhythmically blinking blue and white drips interspersed between swaths of fir garland calling to them. Her steps started then stopped, faltering with her thoughts,body following through with an automatic ‘yes’ while earlier dilemmas were subconsciously processed for her, then thinking brain not in the know shouting a panicked ‘NO’ giving her pause. Her head swiveled from Morgan to Luke, unsure.  Luke stopped just as quickly, curious eyes scanning her face for clues. “It’s just a tunnel, Penelope, just a sidewalk with some poles.”  Her expression changed to exasperated disbelief, head bobbling as she shot at him sarcastically, “Nice. Romantic. I can’t imagine why you’ve only had the one girlfriend this whole time.” “Hey!” he defended at the dig, but his smile only got bigger, face completely incongruent to someone who’d just been insulted. Romantic? Did that mean she was on the same page? That this, them, they, were something she was open to? With a last look to the group, Penelope rolled her eyes, internal battle seemingly forgotten, and jerked him forward towards the arch, “Oh come on, let’s go.”            Luke ducked under the “Let it snow” sign entering the archway, the pair walking hand in hand wordlessly through the bright tunnel, but as she went to exit, she was tugged back, clasped hands stretching and jerking, Luke frozen in place just at the end, Penelope ricocheting into his solid body where he caught her.

Before she could ask, his head tilted and a finger pointed up, Luke innocently explaining as he looked back down, “Mistletoe, I can’t move until you kiss me, bad luck.”

Penelope wiggled in his hold regaining balance, trying to regain space. Despite his tactile nature this was all very new, as in less than five minutes new, as in she could start freaking out at any minute- new. “And if I refuse?” she asked, trying to infuse some levity and calm her twisting stomach.

Luke frowned, brow furrowing and arms tightening around her. “Guess we’re stuck here.” 

Penelope gawked, the flat of her palm working its way between them to smack his chest “What happened to it’s just a sidewalk?!”

Luke made a show of flinching under the hit, but again, was too busy grinning at her to play it off fully “What happened to being romantic?” 

Sighing, her arms looped around his neck, pulling herself up to face level “Alvez, we’ve really gotta work on your definition of romance.” There was a second where she looked at him, and then fingers laced and lips slowly melded, her eyes slipping closed. She felt the strong beat of his heart on her, his warm, firm lips against hers, and the rough scrape of stubble as the kiss became more forceful. She smelled the smokey burn of wood from chimneys and fire pits in the cold air mixing with the earthy leather of his coat. From the east Mele Kalikimaka rang out clashing with Walking in a Winter Wonderland to the west, a Bing Crosby battle between neighbors that was soon drowned out entirely by whoops and hollers. The pair broke apart to see Matt and Derek loudly applauding and whistling, the kids caught up in their parents joy, joining in the celebration, Penelope and Luke each turning beet red attempting to hide in the other. 

Hank, tugging on Derek’s hand, asked, “Daddy, why’s aunty Penelope kissing that guy?”

Derek laughed, stooping down to answer, “Don’t worry about it baby, but tell you what, you can be the first to tell mamma about it when we call her tonight.”

[melodyalanaroster]

I am taking a break from writing until January, 2023.

I'm gonna formally announce this... I am taking a break from writing.

As you all know, I have been consistently stressed and worried about the holidays, my family, my own personal plans and my writing. My fiancé has witnessed me go through an extreme amount of burnout within the last 2 years, let alone the last 2 months. After I finish and post a chapter, I put an extreme amount of pressure on myself to finish the next chapter so that I seem more productive, in my own eyes. Due to that pressure, I am even more stressed and exhausted than I would be if I didn't do that to myself. Its not that I don't want to disappoint ya'll, its that I don't want to disappoint myself. I fully intend on finishing my rewrite of MCL. I just need a break... And the holidays are the perfect time to take that break.

I'm aware that I kinda stopped writing around the time that Pokémon Violet came out. In fact, its my excitement for this game that originally sparked my time away from my story. However, with the fact that I do work a 40 hour job, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, all of the December Birthdays I have to worry about (my best friend's, little cousin's and grandmother's), I am exhausted... So much so that my allergies reacted so badly on Wednesday and Thursday, that I had to miss a day of work.

My fiancé has been begging me to take another break from writing for a while and November/December is definitely the best time to do it. I know I'm repeating myself here... But still. Since using my "writing time" to play Pokémon, I'm having more fun and relaxing more... Yes, I'm still stressed.... For heaven's sake, Thanksgiving was a disaster, my grandmother has Pneumonia, my Christmas Party is in a week, and Christmas is, itself, an ordeal... But a little less stress is better than consistent, extreme, stress. Consistent, extreme, stress is what activated the disease that killed my mother, after all and I have no intention of being like her in any way.

I aim to resume writing and focus on completing my Epsiode 23 chapter in Janauary, 2023.

However, keep in mind, I still have a wedding to plan and April, 2026 will be here before I know it.

I am still taking part in the fandom. I plan on doing something special to commemorate the 10 year anniversary of when I first logged onto MCL on New Year's Day (I started playing on New Year's Day of 2013). And I fully intend on posting something extremely special for ya'll for Christmas. However, my writing is taking a back seat.

[babymetaldoll]

Danger Days - Chapter eleven: "Falling in love will kill you"

Word count: 6,3K

Summary: Gerard is struggling to keep his shit together now that he knows Joey is going to marry Gubler. New Year is the perfect time to tell the news to the band. We can finally know why Joey has so many trust issues.

Warnings: Cursing, mention of kids being assholes, and rough childhood. Jealousy. Mention of sex. Someone calls Matthew "Matt."

A/N: I don't know what else to say but THANK YOU FOR READING

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | Chapter sixteen | Chapter seventeen | Chapter eighteen | Chapter nineteen | Chapter twenty | Chapter twenty one | Chapter twenty-two | Chapter twenty-three | Chapter twenty-four |

--

::: December 31th :::

Gerard hated himself. It had been a week since he finally faced the fact his crush on Joey had evolved into something he couldn't control. He was falling in love with her. Can you love two people? He had no idea, but it felt his feelings for the drummer were getting as intense as the one he had for his wife. He loved his wife, and he would never do anything to hurt her. But at the very same time, he couldn't stop thinking about Joey. He wanted her to be his.

- "Mine?! What kind of sick idea is that?"- he asked himself as he drove around town on his own, trying to clear his mind, that had been a mess ever since Christmas.

- "I have to get that girl out of my mind! This makes no fucking sense!"- he lit another cigarette and held the steering wheel hard, feeling his hands sweating.

He had been a mess all those days, looking at footage of the tour just to see the girl, hear her laughter, see her talking with pretty much everybody else but him. Never to him. Why? Did she hate him? Wasn't he nice enough for her? Wasn't he charming enough? Cute enough? What?

- "Could she be crushed on me too? And that's why she is avoiding me?"- she said out loud to himself, and his heart beat faster in his chest. Could it be? But what could he do if she did? Nothing, he was married. He wasn't going to cheat on Lynz with that girl. Was he?

- "Of course not!"- he wanted to slap himself- "I am not doing anything! I am not doing anything!"

But it was more complicated than he thought, he had to see her that night 'cos Mikey had organized a whole New Year's Eve party, and everybody was going to be there. Even Ray and Frankie had flown to the party with their families.

- "And she is engaged! for Christ Sakes!!"

Gerard kept talking on his own, smoking and drinking the third coffee of the morning. He felt sick in the stomach, but he knew it wasn't either of those things. It was his stupid crush.

- "Well, I don't really care if she is engaged! she could be mine anyway. Who the fucking hell cares about that guy? I bet he doesn't even love her! I love her!"- Gerard Way sighed and closed his eyes for a second.

- "You don't fucking love her!!"- he yelled and hit the steering wheel.

He didn't love her. He couldn't love her. Why would he? He didn't know much about her. He kept repeating those arguments in his head to convince himself he was just a crazy asshole about that whole thing. It wasn't real. It was just his mind playing fucking tricks with him.

- "She is in love with someone else, you are in love with someone else, you have been happy with your wife for years! This shit makes no fucking sense!! I knew having that girl in the band was the worst idea we've ever had."

Gerard was just kidding himself. He loved having Joey on the team. He loved how that tour had gone so far, the energy in the shows, the laughter in the rehearsals... everything. Even when she really didn't talk with him so much.

- "Why doesn't she fucking like me?!"- the singer was acting childish, but he couldn't help it, just like he couldn't help end up driving over her house. He knew the road too well, even when he had just been there once. He had made his way over a million times in his mind, just to make sure he wasn't going to forget it.

- "What the fuck are you doing?"- Gerard asked himself as he parked outside Joey's building. He looked up to her floor with the honest hope to see her there staring outside the window. Maybe if he saw her, that whole crush/love thing would be over. Perhaps it just was his mind screwing with him. It could be an effect of spending so much time with her. He wasn't really around a lot of other women on tour. Maybe that was it. Not love at all.

- "Please don't do this"- he begged himself as he opened the car's door. He put one foot outside and sighed. Was he doing it? He stepped back into the car and slammed the door.

- "You are not doing this, Gerard!"

But he was.

Gerard got out of the car and walked to the building. He hesitated for a few seconds but continued his way. He opened the front door and stayed still.

- "And what are you gonna say? Hello, are you crushed on me"?- he whispered and brushed his hands on his face, like trying to rearrange his thoughts with that movement. It didn't work, obviously.

- "There is no way you are doing this,"- he thought, even when his feet were moving towards the elevator quickly.

- "Please stop, what the fuck are you doing?"- he argued with his body, but still, he didn't stop.- "You are gonna make a fool out of yourself, you know that, don't you?"

The elevator door opened, and Gerard set foot on Joey's floor. That's when he stayed still. He noticed his hands were shaking. That's how nervous he was over her. The last time he had been so fluttered for a girl was the day he asked his wife to marry him.

After a few deep breaths, Gerard walked over to the drummer's door and held his breath for a few seconds before knocking. There was no way back now. Well, he could still run, but there weren't many places to hide. Silence. It seemed there wasn't anybody home. He waited a little longer but didn't knock again. No one answered the door, and Gerard sighed, relieved. She wasn't there. He wasn't going to make a fool out of himself. After a few seconds, he turned around and headed to the stairs, smiling.

- "Hey! Gerard!"- the girl's voice made him jump on his stop as she appeared at her door and smiled- "What are you doing here?"

- "I was... eh..."- he stuttered as he strolled back to her apartment- "I just..."

- "I haven't seen you since we came back from touring. Come in!"

And the singer smiled, so nervous Joey could tell there was something wrong.

- "How are you?"- he managed to say, feeling his cheeks red.

- "Great! Sorry, I couldn't open the door faster, I was in the bedroom."

- "Don't worry"- Joey stared at him in silence and smiled. She was actually happy to see him, just not as excited as he was. And neither as nervous.

- "Would like something to drink?"- the girl walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge- "Juice? Diet coke? Water?"

- "I'm ok, thanks. I just finished a coffee."

- "I also have coffee,"- she said and turned to him smiling- "I am actually gonna have another coffee."

Gerard nodded and did his best to rearrange the thoughts in his head. So far, the only thing he knew was that his crush didn't fade away when he saw her. If anything, it got worse.

- "Ok, asshole, you got here even when I told you it was a bad idea. What are you gonna do now?"- his brain made him feel like an idiot, and he completely agreed. He felt like an idiot standing in the middle of Joey's kitchen in complete silence.

- "So, what brings you over?"- Joey asked, and her eyes shone as she sipped her cup of fresh coffee.

- "I actually wanted to..."- Gerard made a pause and sighed. His heart was about to come through his throat.

- "Hey Gerard!"- and suddenly, shit got even worse, 'cos Matthew appeared next to him in boxers and t-shirt with a big "I just had sex" smile.

- "Of course he was here, you asshole!! Of course, they were having sex, and that's why it took her so long to answer! Of course, you are completely out of place here! now, how the fuck are you getting out of this?"- Gerard shook Matthew's hand and did his best to remain as relaxed and calmed as possible.

- "Hey, dude! So glad you are here too. Mikey told me the news the other day, but I was too busy to come, and it was too impersonal to just call, so... congratulations on the engagement!"- words just came out of Gerard's lips as he smiled, proud of his shitty lie.

- "Aww! thank you so much for driving over!!"- Joey smile blushing, and gave him a small hug- "You didn't have to."

- "Actually, I was on my way over to get a few things for Mikey's party tonight"- lies kept flying out of Way's lips- "Good one, don't make her feel special," And I thought I couldn't just keep on delaying this forever!"

- "Thank you so much"- Matthew smiled and walked to Joey, wrapping his arms around her waist as he stood behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder. Gerard looked at him and did his best to sound as honest as possible.

- "I'm very happy you are getting married. Lynz keeps telling me you two are a very cute couple"- Joey blushed and nodded.

- "Tell her thank you from us..."

- "Are you coming tonight to Mikey's party?"

- "Yeah, of course, we are!"- Gubler answered, and Gerard hated that- "But we are going to stop by my friend's party first, so we could be a little late."- and he kissed Joey's neck as soon as he stopped talking.

To Gerard, it was clear Matthew was showing she was his territory, and it bothered Way so much to see Joey wasn't doing anything about it. If anything, she was enjoying it.

- "Well, make sure you get there before they drop the ball; Mikey is really excited about this. You two have to be there. He hasn't been excited about many things lately"- Gerard looked at Joey and smiled- "Well, I have to get going now, again, congratulation, guys! See you guys later!"- he shook Gubler's hand and waved at Joey.

- "Bye!"- the singer got outside that apartment as fast as he could.

- "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!"- he repeated over and over in his mind as he fought the urge to smash his head against the wall. It wasn't just the fact that now he knew the actor hated him and knew he had a thing on his girl, but now he knew for sure it wasn't just a crush. He wanted her for himself.

- "So, where were we?"- Joey asked as he turned around and kissed Matthew's lips fiercely.

- "You were about to... take a shower 'cos I have to show you something important."

- "Oh, come on"- she whined and bit his lower lip- "Can we do it again? Just once? A quicky."

- "Nope"- he answered, chuckling- "Maybe when we come back."

- "What if when we come back, I don't wanna do it"- the girl answered and raised an eyebrow.

- "I guess... I can always try to persuade you..."- Matthew wrapped his arms around her tight and lifted her to carry her to the nearest couch- "I could kiss you for hours and see if you change your mind."

- "We should give it a try... daddy"- the girl whispered, kissing her fiancé, making him shiver.

- "Yes, we should... but first, we have to go"- Gubler stood up and held Joey's hand, who started whining again as the two of them walked to the bedroom.

- "You are gonna love this, Yami, so stop whimpering"- he chuckled and watched her taking off the small amount of cloth she was wearing and getting into the shower.

- "Fine, but this better be good, and it better includes a coffee."

- "Another coffee? You were drinking one five seconds ago."

- "I know... but it's new year's eve. We should get filled with caffeine to make it through the night."

- "You are right. I need a few more cups of coffee too."

- "Good, listen to your future wife. She is always right,"- Joey yelled from the shower and missed Matthew's reaction at his words. He smiled so wide he felt his face was staying like that forever.

- "I swear I will"- Gubler walked around the room, getting dressed too. At least he had already showered- "Hey, Yami?"

- "Yes, Gublerneritor?"

- "Is it just me, or Gerard was weird today?"- the actor made sure his words sounded as casually as possible.

- "I know! I felt it too!"- the girl answered in total honesty- "He looked kinda shaky."

- "Yeah..."- Matthew made a pause and thought about his words very carefully- "Yami?"

- "Yes?"

- "Have you ever thought maybe he..."

- "Not Matthew Gray, he doesn't have a crush on me"- the girl quickly answered and closed her eyes for a second, thankful she was in the shower while that conversation was taking place- "Actually, I've always thought the total opposite."

- "Why?"- Joey walked out of the shower and wrapped herself with a clean towel, walking to the room to look for some clean clothes.

- "He is always pretty cold and distant with me, we don't talk much, we've had the "I don't hate you" talk at least twice, cos it feels after our rocky start, we really haven't gotten along"- Joey smiled at Matthew and walked to the closet- "Except for that nap you took together and the movies you watched together alone in your bed, and the times you stare at him totally nervous... I'm never doing any of that again."

- "Maybe that's why he was so nervous"- Matthew said and looked at Joey getting dressed- "Maybe coming to congratulate us was his way to make amends."

- "Or maybe he felt forced to do it... maybe his wife made him."

- "Maybe..."- Gubler looked at Joey for a few seconds, and a little smiled lodged on his lips- "You look so pretty."

- "In a black dress?"

- "In pretty much anything you wear."

- "Not everything?!"- the girl pretended to be shocked.

- "Sorry, I don't like it when you wear pajamas. I like it more when you sleep naked"- her fiancé simply answered, and she blushed.

- "Sorry, some nights I get cold."

- "I'm never gonna let you be cold ever again"- he walked over and landed his hands on her hips- "With this hand, I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine."

Matthew smiled and held her hand, kissing it. He recited The Corpse's Bride wedding vows, and his fiancé's heart was melting, and her eyes were full with tears.

- "Stop making me cry"- she whispered and stared into his hazel eyes, feeling waves of love- "I love that movie."

- "This "we are getting married" thing keeps me excited about all the future we will share, Yami."

- "I know!"- she grinned and jumped, making Matthew laugh.

- "Ok, come on, let's go."

- "Where?"

- "First to get coffee, then to see my surprise."

Mikey walked around his house and looked at everything he had ready for his New Year party. There was a little tiny part of him that was excited about it. His friends were going to be there, he was finally selling the house, so it was going to be the last evening in a place that, at this point, only caused him pain. He had even spent a few nights in a hotel just 'cos he didn't want to be home alone with his memories.

- "Hey!"- Frank, Jamia, and the babies walked over smiling. They had been staying with him since they arrived from Jersey the day before.

- "Do you need help with anything?"- Frank asked and lit a cigarette staying as far as the babies as possible.

- "Nah, I'm cool..."

- "You don't look real excited about this party. It's gonna be awesome!"- Frank was pretty psyched, he hadn't partied in a while... well, since Joey's birthday, but he was looking forward to having a fun night with friends and his wife.

- "I am, I just need more coffee... I'll make more coffee"- the youngest Way walked back into the house straight to the kitchen.

- "We'll be there around 11"- he read Joey's text and sighed.

- "It will be too late to get drunk together."

- "But not too late to puke the pool"- Mikey smiled

- "Why on earth are you coming so fucking late to the party I fucking organized to tell people you are getting married?"- he said as soon as Joey picked up the phone, and Mikey heard her laughing right away.

- "Sorry, but I swear we'll be there before they drop the ball"- the girl answered- "You are on speaker, by the way."

- "Hey Mikey!!"- Matthew yelled, driving.

- "Hey Gubler! Why are you keeping my sister from her party?"

- "Sorry! My friends asked us to be there for their dinner, but it's earlier, so you won't even notice."

- "I've been keeping your engagement a fucking secret for a week. Do you know how hard this is?"

- "You sucked at it!!"- Joey yelled, laughing- "Gerard appeared at my house today to congratulate us."

- "What the fuck?"- Mikey frowned, not getting what his brother had done- "Well, yeah, he heard me say it at Christmas, but... well, it's nice of him to move his ass and congratulate you."

- "Yeah, I know, I'm just saying you couldn't keep it a secret."

- "No one else knows, I swear, you are gonna overshadow the whole New Year's eve with your news, Bug"- Joey kept laughing as Matthew looked at her and smiled, happy.

- "Mikey, can I ask you for a favor?"

- "Whatever you need, Gubler."

- "Can you finally send me the videos of Joey's birthday at the karaoke?"- the bassist burst out laughing, and Joey quickly yelled no.

- "Don't you fucking dare, Michael James!!"

- "What are you middle naming me for? I haven't done anything!"

- "You two have been talking about those videos for way too long! And I am not gonna let my future husband see me doing such a sad show. He might reconsider the whole wedding!"

- "There is no way we are considering that! You've got a ring, this thing is on!!"- Matthew laughed and slowed down the car- "Mikey Mike, we have to go now, we just got where we were going, and I can't wait to show it to my girl, we'll see you tonight, hopefully not as drunk as the last time."

Mikey laughed, thinking about their very private engagement celebration (just the three of them). They had gotten pretty hammered playing Uno. And they had a lot of fun.

- "See you guys later; maybe we can check the videos with the guys. I'm pretty sure Ray got an amazing performance of Bug singing Megadeth with him."

- "Shit! I liked you better when you weren't best friends! bye bróðir!"- Joey and Matthew said goodbye and chuckled. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow- "What are we doing here, Akumu?"

- "This is my surprise, come on"- the young man opened the door and quickly ran to open his girl's door and held her hand.

- "Nice neighborhood"- she said and looked at the house in front of her. It was more like a castle, a haunted house, or a giant treehouse.

- "Do you like it?"- Matthew asked and kept holding her hand tight.

- "It's beautiful"

- "I'm glad you liked it, 'cos I bought it for us"- Joey froze.

- "What?"- and Matthew looked at her, smiling like a maniac.

- "This will be our house, Mrs. Gubler!!"

- "Oh my god!!"- the girl covered her mouth wide, opening her eyes, in absolute shock- "It's huge!"

- "And it's gonna be our home, to create all the weird little places we want!"- Matthew kissed Joey as the girl kept jumping.

- "I can't fucking believe this!! Matthew!! you got a house?"

- "No, Yami. We've got a house"- he corrected and felt her lips softly on his.

- "You paid it with your work Akumu, it's your house."

- "I bought it for us, and you are gonna help me make it our home. Come on, look at this, we can do whatever we want in this place!!"

Matthew was excited, and Joey was overwhelmed. He had gotten a house. That was huge. But he had paid for it, and she hadn't put a penny. She couldn't just let him buy a house for them. They had to share all the expenses. Sure, he made way more money than she did, but that didn't mean she wanted to be a maintained wife.

- "This is where I want to build our fireplace. I thought we could customize every single room in here. We have to have your music room back there"- he held her hand and crawled her around, laughing, nearly in hyperventilation.

- "Matthew..."

- "This is the kitchen where I will make you breakfast every morning"- no one could doubt he was happy.

- "Akumu..."- she tried to talk to him, but her fiancé was too excited and nearly ran upstairs

- "And up here we are gonna have our room, look! It has an amazing view, and I am going to paint here, and you are going to be my muse, and we are going to be so happy! And we are gonna fill this place with kids!"- Joey's heart kept racing with every word from Matthew's lips.

- "Akumu, I love everything."

- "And I love you!"- he quickly replied and held her tight, spinning her in the air- "You make me so happy!!"

- "You make me happy too, but... I also wanna pay for the house."

- "What?"- he frowned, not getting what Joey was saying.

- "Yeah, I mean, you bought a house, and it's awesome! I love it. I love you for doing it. But if it's gonna be my house too, I wanna pay the mortgage with you"- Matthew looked at her, confused

- "But..."

- "But? What?"

- "I..."- Matthew looked at his girlfriend in silence- "You are unique."

- "Meaning?"- the girl frowned and kept her eyes on his, not even blinking.

- "You never do what other people do."

- "People would take advantage of the guy buying them a house?"- he nodded and kissed her lips.

- "I don't care about the money Yami, I care about being with you."

- "I know that... but I care about not feeling like a burden."

- "Never! You are never going to be a burden to me."

- "I will feel like one if you don't let me pay for this house with you; I won't feel it like mine either. It would be your house, forever."

- "Our house, Yami"- he leaned over and kissed her sweetly- "This is our house"- Joey looked at him and waited for his words- "Of course, you can pay the mortgage with me, but that means you have to make breakfast too."

- "Deal"- she answered and grinned- "I love you, Matthew Gray Gubler."

- "I love you, Maria Josefina Sveinbjörndottir."

Ray and Frank were having the time of their lives. They were on fire with Mikey's party. All of their friends were there from hands and from recording in Los Angeles so many times. It was an amazing reunion. Gerard tried to look calmed and natural, but he was freaking out, constantly looking at the door. He was sure Matthew knew he was crushed on his girlfriend, and he didn't know if he was going to do or say anything. What if he confronted him in front of Lynz?

- "Are you ok?"- his wife asked as she wrapped an arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder. He hugged her carefully and kissed her temple.

- "Yeah, I think I need an extra coffee to make it to midnight."

- "Bug!!"- Mikey yelled and ran to the door as Joey and Gubler walked into the house. Gerard lit a cigarette immediately and tried to look away. But he couldn't. He had to know what Matthew was doing. And Matthew was hugging Mikey. What the fuck??

- "What? are they best friends or something? What the fuck is going on? Why are they hugged? What did I miss?"

- "You know, I'm so happy your brother has Joey"- Gerard's eyes opened wide at his wife's words- "I mean it, she is the only one of his friends that's not related to Alicia in any way. I think that's why he enjoys his time with her so much."

- "Could be... he is very friendly with Matthew too..."- Gerard whispered, and Lynz nodded.

- "Which is great, 'cos her boyfriend won't get all jealous of him when you guys are touring."

- "Yeah, that's right."

- "Jersey!! Dad!! I am so happy to see you!!"- the girl ran to his friends and hugged them both tight.

Matthew looked at her and smiled, following her. It seemed now that she had agreed to marry him, he was more confident around the band, except for Gerard. Matthew hated Gerard. He was now sure he had a crush or something like that in Joey, and he was aware she had no idea.

- "Iceland!!"

Frank hugged her tight and took a deep breath to enjoy her perfume. He loved having her around, and he still loved catching her attention. He would still think of her as a totally doable girl, but the drummer wasn't a distraction when he was around Jamia. Maybe that's what she turned into while touring, something funny to persuade, someone to flirt with.

- "I missed you, kid!!"- Ray said and kissed her forehead- "Hey Matthew! I'm happy to see you!"

- "Hey guys!!"- Gubler smiled at the bunch and shook Jamia's and Christa's hands. Frank and Joey stared at each other, giggling, not saying a word as Mrs. Iero chuckled nervously as she stood in front of Matthew.

- "Oh my God!!!"- Joey turned around to burst out laughing along with Frank. Their faces were red as tears fell from their eyes. Jamia was blushing as she wouldn't stop staring at Matthew. She just found him so incredibly attractive she was melting.

- "What is it?"- Matthew asked, not getting what was going on.

- "Dude, it's useless"- Ray answered, tapping on his back- "They are gonna be like that for a while."

- "Really?"

Gubler stared at her girlfriend and bit his lips. She looked so happy; he had never seen her that happy amongst people. She was always lovely with his friends, and everybody loved her. They were all incredibly excited about their wedding, especially Paget. She had jumped over Joey the second they walked into her house earlier that night. But this was the first time Joey had friends, and Matthew had just realized how much she needed them.

- "I'm sorry, dork"- Joey wiped off the tears from her eyes and wrapped an arm around her fiancé- "Frank and I have an inside joke that goes way back, I'll tell you later"- he smiled and kissed her softly.

- "That's fine. And do you wanna tell them now?"

- "Yes"- she whispered, nodding- "Wait, where's Gerard?"- she asked and took a look around.

- "Gee!!"- Mikey yelled and waved at his brother, who walked over with his wife a few seconds later.

- "Hey Lynz!"- Joey smiled at Mrs. Way and at her husband. Gubler was way more friendly than he thought he would be 'cos he didn't want to make a fuzz. Gubler didn't want to make Joey uncomfortable in front of her friends. Gerard was a subject of a conversation he had to know how to face at another time.

- "Ok, ready?"- Matthew asked Joey and looked at her smiling. The girl was so excited she even jumped before saying.

- "We are getting married!!"

- "What?!"- Frank yelled, wide-opened eyes.

- "Oh my god!!"- Ray freaked out and jumped to the couple- "Congratulations, guys!!"

- "Thank you, dad!!"- Joey smiled and felt Frank jumping to the hug too, crawling Matthew with him.

- "Oh shit!! We are gonna party tonight!!"- Frank shouted as they all laughed. Jamia clapped and waited for the perfect moment to congratulate Joey and literally hang on Matthew's neck. Frank and Joey burst out laughing again, but no one but them actually got what was going on.

Lynz hugged and congratulated Joey, and the drummer thanked her cheerfully. She looked at Gerard next to his wife and smiled. But he didn't really look so happy.

- "What the fuck is this guy's problem?"- Joey thought, but Matthew's arms around her waist took her from any random thought she might have had, as he sweetly redirected her to Frank and Jamia, who were talking to her about the upcoming wedding.

- "You bought a house?!"- Ray yelled, and Joey laughed. Her friends were happy and excited about it. That felt warm inside, like, being loved.

- "Did you call Tucker?"

- "Not yet"- Joey confessed- "I've been trying to process it all actually."

The girl looked at Ray, and he smiled at her so nicely she felt like crying. Maybe at that point in her life, she had to face the fact it felt good having friends.

And this is why she had always run away from people: Joey had grown up alone in an orphanage until the age of eight. That was when Mercedes and Sveinbjörn had adopted her and gave her a home. She loved her foster parents very much. They were as loving as real parents would have been. They always tried to have a baby but never could. However, Mercedes wanted to have a kid so badly, she convinced her husband to adopt. They were going for a baby until they saw Joey. She was alone in a playroom, drawing, away from all the other kids. They walked to talk to her, and she smiled, melting their hearts right away.

- "Why don't you play with the other kids?"- Mercedes asked her as she started drawing with her, and Sveinjörn looked at them from a safe distance.

- "I don't like the other kids."

- "Why?"

- "'Cos they don't like me either"- Joey simply replied- "That's why I draw my own friends"

And she showed the woman what she was working on. That was when Mercedes knew she was taking that girl home and giving her all her love no matter what. And she did.

Joey had a hard time in the orphanage. The older kids hit her 'cos they said she was weird until she learned how to defend herself. By the age of six, Joey had beaten up pretty up all the older guys in the place. That meant she didn't have many friends either. Everybody was scared of her. By the age of seven, she had stopped trying to make friends. Nobody wanted to be around her anyway.

And that's how Joey grew up the rest of her life. Sure, she got a home and loving family, who gave her a new last name and all the support a kid needed. But she had already gone through enough to scar her heart.

Tabitha was her only friend growing up. The only one in mid-school and high school too. They were neighbors, and their mothers were best friends. They were "forced" to spend time together their whole lives, and Joey was eventually comfortable with her.

When she left for college, she decided it was time to start over. Nobody knew she was adopted. She didn't want to tell either. It made people look at her differently. More than usual. That was why she had fallen in love with Matthew when she first met him. He wasn't afraid to be weird. He loved and embraced his own weirdness, and he loved Joey's weirdness even more. He was the only one who knew she was adopted, the only one she had trusted enough to share it with. The other guys she had been with were always trying to be better than her; they felt intimidated by her abilities in music, by her being part of the music scene. And mostly by her independence.

She wasn't a people person, but she could work in teams and make music without being friends with her peers. Guys didn't like that. Her mom had always warned her about it. Mercedes tried to make her softer about her relationships with people, but in the end, she gave up. She was proud she had found Matthew, and by everything her daughter told her about her new job, she loved the guys in the band and how lovely they were with her. Especially Mikey and Ray.

- "With a card trick?! Can you be any more romantic?!"- Jamia's yells took Joey from her thoughts as she saw Mrs. Iero almost drooling over her fiancé- "I am so jealous!"

- "We know, honey"- Frank said and wrapped an arm around his wife's waist as Joey chuckled.

- "We are so happy for you, Bug"- Mikey kissed his friend's forehead, and she grinned.

- "Thank you..."

- "If I ever see her cry..."- Ray started, but Joey quickly moved her hand and put it on his mouth

- "We are not doing that, ok? I know how to take care of myself. You don't have to threaten Matthew. If anything bad happens, he knows who is gonna kick his ass, and that's gonna be me, I don't need..."- but Ray moved and placed his hand on her mouth, covering it and stopping her speech.

-" Frank, can you arrange her next tattoo appointment on me, and get her a nice one on her hand that says "I know how to take care of myself" 'cos at some point she has to get bored of repeating it over and over again"- Matthew burst out laughing at those words, making Joey frown. But Mikey laughed too, and Ray smiled, pleased his joke had worked.

- "Fuck you, dad"- she mouthed, and he hugged her.

- "You love me, Bug, now bear with the fact you've got a bunch of older brothers now, who will always take care of you, no matter what, ok?"- the guitarist kissed her temple and turned to Gubler- "And I mean it, I will end you."

- "Ray..."- Christa held her husband's hand and pulled him back.

- "It's ok, I completely understand it. I still want to kill my sister's husband... though my nephews are cool..."

- "So, what are we drinking?"- Joey said and looked around to change the subject as quickly as possible.

- "Shit! I'll bring you a beer"- Gerard said all of a sudden, just to find an excuse to get away from there. But...

- "I'll help you"- Matthew said and smiled.

Gerard knew he was fucked.

- "So... thank you for coming"- Gerard said and looked at Gubler as they stood in front of the fridge- "Mikey is really excited to have you here."

- "I know you have a crush on my fiancée"- Way's held his breath. He didn't see that coming so fast and so directly. But Matthew wasn't in the mood for sugarcoating anything for Gerard. In fact, he was making his best effort not to break his face right there, no questions asked.

- "I don't know what you are talking about."

- "Dude, I don't care if you deny it or not. You are fucking crystal clear. So here's the thing, stay the fuck away from her, ok?"- Gerard never thought Matthew would be that direct and even threatening.

- "You are getting the whole deal wrong. I'm just her friend."

- "I can see the way you look at her, and it's not a friendly way dude, face it."

- "You are wrong"- Gerard tried to sound cool and fresh, but he failed poorly as he noticed the look Gubler was giving him. It felt the actor was ready to kill him right there.

- "Keep telling yourself that."

- "Come on, Matt... I'm just..."

- "It's Matthew"- the actor said and looked right into the singer's eyes in silence for a few seconds- "She thinks you are all innocent and friendly, but I can see through you, so here's how things are gonna be, you are gonna stay the fuck away from her or I'll have to take her out that tour, you heard me?"

- "You are delusional!"- Gerard tried to defend himself and grabbed two beers from the fridge- "You can't fucking come and threaten me in my brother's house and pretend it's all my fault"

- "So you deny you were at her house this morning 'cos you just wanted to see her? 'Cos dude, that congratulation excuse was pretty shitty, and she swallowed it only because she can't think bad of you. She is too sweet for that shit."

- "I mean it, Matt"- Gerard used that name only to make him mad- "You have not idea what you are talking about."

- "Whatever you say, dude, just don't fuck it up, or I'll make sure you don't get to be close to her, ever again"- Matthew grabbed two beers as well and walked out of the kitchen to meet his fiancée.

Gerard was fucked. He knew it. It was going to be harder than ever, but he had to stay away from Joey. He was in love with her, for Christ Sakes. He felt like crying every time he saw her with Matthew. He wanted her to be his. And that was never going to be possible. He knew it. It made him want to break a wall. Break Matthew's face was also a pretty good idea, but he couldn't. Joey would never forgive him. And she was all he cared about at that moment.

- "No! I care about my wife. I don't wanna hurt my wife. I love her! This is a stupid crush, a stupid crush I have to get over soon!"

Gerard was fucked.

**

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[mrsseverussnape]

Love Is You - chapter 11

A/n: hopefully this is gonna be posted… It was very stormy and the power is off for hours because of it. I tried to create a moodboard and i am trying to post it but even my own data is not working very well, the storm was that bad and probably damaged something… I deserve some comments after trying that hard to post that😂

    Christmas was around the corner, but Scarlett wasn't as excited as she used to be even it was her favourite time of the year. She was planning to celebrate it with her kids but apparently, they had other plans which she found out quite late. Sirius has invited Leo and Remus over for a boys Christmas celebration and Carina would celebrate it with her boyfriend's family this year. Actually both of the kids have offered to stay with her but she didn't want to ruin their plans for her own enjoyment. Then Scarlett thought to spend the day with her parents just like the old days but it turned out they have already booked a holiday, they would be in Switzerland during Christmas week. So this plan has cancelled too for her. Normally she wouldn't mind staying alone but on special days she would like to have a company, especially this year she needed it more. Scarlett thought if she could invite someone over for Christmas but she didn't have many friends and the ones she had already married and would celebrate it with their families or they were living in abroad. Then one possible person came to her mind but she wasn't sure if he had someone special to celebrate the Christmas with. But she wanted to give it a try and wrote a letter to Severus and invited him over for dinner.

    Christmas had a special place in their relationship. They have started dating on December, couple of days prior Scarlett's 18th birthday then she has invited him to her house for Christmas break when she found out he would stay at Hogwarts and with that he could meet with her parents. And the best memory of that Christmas was the present that Severus gave to her. He has got her a white British long hair kitten that she fell in love with immediately. Severus has gotten that idea since Scarlett was such a cat lady and actually she was a cat herself as an animagus, also she has told him about her late cat who passed away a year ago. Scarlett has named the new kitten Pearl and she has become basically their baby and in the summer of the same year they got another kitten together and named him Paul. The warm feeling of the memories made her smile, these happy memories has become her comfort zone lately.

    It was the Christmas evening and the kids were ready to leave while Scarlett was busy decorating a cake. Leo and Carina came to the kitchen to say goodbye to her.

"Mum the cake looks delicious but isn't it way too big just for you to eat?"

"I will have a friend over, i won't be alone."

"Oh you didn't mention that. Now we don't feel as guilty for leaving you alone. Who is coming?"

"Professor Snape."

The kids exchanged looks for a moment. They still haven't said anything to her about the trunk so she had no idea that they know about her past relationship with Severus Snape.

"It will be great for you two to remember good old days, I am sure you have missed them. Have fun!"

Scarlett looked at Carina rather suspiciously after what she just said. She was asking and talking a lot about Severus and her lately. "Thank you... Are you leaving?"

"Yep, take care and don't drink much mum."

"Okay mother." Scarlett rolled her eyes at her daughter. "You two have fun and say merry Christmas to everyone from me." She kissed their cheeks goodbye. "Love you."

"Love you too mum, bye!" Carina and Leo both apparated at the same time, leaving Scarlett by herself.

She did the final touches on the cake and put it in the refrigerator to set. Now she needed to get dressed before he came. Scarlett decided on a velvet bodycon dress which is off shoulder and its emerald green colour was complimenting her copper red hair beautifully. She brushed and styled her wavy hair and finally put her signature red lipstick. Scarlett looked herself in the mirror and enjoyed her view truly for the first time in a while. She hasn't dressed up fully for a long time and she has missed seeing herself like this.

    The knock on the door took her away from her thoughts. She rushed to the door and took a deep breath before opening it. When she opened the door and saw him standing there with a winter bouquet and wine bottle in his hands. It was such a coincidence that he has picked a velvet emerald green jacket to combine with his black trousers and shirt.

"Welcome Severus, come in! It is snowing outside."

"Hello." He smiled and entered the house once he lived in together with her, handed her the bouquet and the wine he brought. “These are for you.”

"Ah thank you, the flowers are so pretty!" She inhaled the flowers’ scent.

"Not as pretty as you..." Severus couldn't take his eyes off of her, Scarlett has aged like a fine wine.

She blushed lightly at his statement and looked away from him. "You can directly go to the dinner table; we better eat them before they get cold. And you know what, i cooked everything by myself, no help from the house elf!"

"Today is the big day then huh? You are showing me your improved cooking skills?"

"Oh yes today is the day!" Scarlett giggled while they were taking their seats.

He looked at the small feast that she prepared for them. It wasn't a classic Christmas feast since both of them were vegetarians but everything was looking more than perfect.

"I must say, i am already impressed Scarlett. Everything looks and smells splendid."

"Everything tastes splendid  too, i guarantee." She winked at him. "Help yourself, bon Appetit!"

    After the dinner they moved to the couch with their drinks in hands. Severus has really enjoyed the foods even he admitted that Scarlett's cooking skills have moved from 1 to 5 point. Scarlett was more than happy to hear that because cooking wasn't her best skill at all.

    Hours have passed and they have talked little bit of that and little bit of this, ate the cake Scarlett has baked and listened to some music from the record player. After 4 glasses of wine, Scarlett had an unnecessary amount of courage and suddenly asked him if he had anyone in his life even though she wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear the answer. Severus wasn't expecting that question at all but he had the answer.

"No, i don't." Severus finished off the wine in his glass. Starting a new relationship didn’t even cross his mind after their breakup. It was either Scarlett or no one for him.

"How come you are still single? You would make a great husband, i am sure."

Severus sighed and shook his head. "Scarlett, you are the only one who value me, every part of me that i don't even like myself... And i am so stupid that i let you go..." He wasn't planning the say those things but they did flow from his mouth, apparently wine has affected him too. But he didn’t care, if they had to do the talk they would now.

"I didn't want to go, you left me..." Scarlett whispered while playing with the wine glass. He hasn't even given her a proper reason, just left her. "Why did you leave? I deserve an answer Severus... It has been years, won’t you tell me still?”

Severus still didn't want to tell her the reason, he was sure it would make Scarlett very upset but he knew he should eventually. The reason has made sense to him at the time but the moment he broke up with her, Severus has regretted his decision deeply but he couldn't turn back because he has thought she wouldn't want him back anymore after how much he hurt her.

Severus took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, this talk wouldn’t be easy at all for both of them. "I will tell you but please let me finish it before saying anything… You remember that nightmare-like times between us and Sirius… I have visited Sirius when he was at the hospital after his suicide attempt, this was before your dad informed you about it. All he talked about was you and how much he loves you, how much you mean to him. And i thought maybe he loves you more since he tried to kill himself after you cut the ties with him, because of me... Scar i don't know, i just thought that he could give you more things than me and you deserve the best so i decided that you would be happier with him than being with me... Don’t look at me like that…"

Scarlett couldn't believe the things she just heard. She has always thought that he fell in love with someone else or he didn't love her anymore. "Severus, that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard from you... Didn't i show you enough that i was in love with you deeply and i was so happy with you...? I didn't want anyone or anything else but you Severus. I loved you… but apparently you didn’t love me enough…"

“That’s not true…” He couldn't dare to look into her eyes or say anything else, the words stuck into his throat. Now he knew it is a stupid reason but as a young boy it made sense to him. Severus has never thought a beautiful and rich girl like Scarlett would be his friend, let alone be dating someone like him. And there was Sirius, Hogwarts's most handsome boy and Scarlett's lifelong best friend, plus he was in love with her like crazy. Sirius looked like a better fit for Scarlett rather than himself, he never felt confident against Sirius, Severus didn’t have the looks nor the money while Sirius had both. But now looking at Scarlett and Sirius's divorce, it was clear that his thoughts were nonsense because he would never cheat on Scarlett, ever.

"Severus...?"

Scarlett’s trembling voice brought him back to reality from his thoughts. Severus looked into her tearful eyes, she always told more with her eyes and Severus liked that silent communication but now her eyes had an effect of a dagger and stabbed his heart. Then his eyes moved to her red lips and unconsciously he leant into them ever so slightly but he pulled himself back in the next second he noticed what’s he doing, he shouldn't have kissed her even he wanted nothing else. Scarlett was the same; her heart was wanting to kiss him but her brain was saying it's not a good idea at the current situation.

"I better go... Thank you for the dinner." Severus stood up to leave suddenly;  If he stayed any longer, he was scared that he wouldn't control himself and the conversation had a tool on both of them.

Scarlett just nodded, she still couldn’t process the things Severus revealed. "Good night..."

"Good night Scarlett..." And he vanished in the air.

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising @wolvesofwinter13 @mrssnivellussnape @mestin-writes

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[moldisgoodforyou]

you’re my home

“why do i feel like jj would just love all the domestic aspects about being with charlie. like brushing their teeth together at night or watching her fold her clothes into the space he made in his dresser for her or watching her dance around the kitchen making coffee in the morning. like i feel like he would love the sense of home&simplicity he gets from those moments with her that he never got before from anywhere or anyone else”

inspiration from this ask ^ thank you :) this is just a set of little blurbs about what jj and charlie would be like living together! 

wordcount: 2k

____

JJ wasn’t used to living with someone in such an intimate way. Sure, he had shared a dorm room with five other guys his freshman year, a sleeping dorm with way too many guys sophomore and junior year, and had the perk of a single bedroom in the frat house his senior year - but it wasn’t quite living alone. Living with John B in the summers wasn’t exactly the grown-up life he had envisioned as a kid, then after graduation, he moved into a pseudo-frat house with seven guys. The house was a constant mess and just plain chaotic, but it felt right - he didn’t think he was quite old enough to retire from the college lifestyle. 

Once he got his job out in California, he moved in with Charlie and was quickly thrown into a world of home decor (apparently a hobby of hers he had never noticed). Lucky for her, he liked being handy and was able to help build a couple shelves and such and save a little money. 

At first, they danced around each other a little. They made the abrupt switch from not seeing each other for months to living together in a matter of days, and it was an awkward exchange of being open about finances and squeezing past each other in the tiny bathroom to brush their teeth. But soon they found a groove, and JJ grew to love the pattern. 

Though he would never, ever admit it, JJ was a romantic at heart. He insisted on music during dinner (“it sets the right ambience, Charlie”) and it always depended on his mood, carefully curated for the day.  

After fumbling their way through a dinner recipe together, neither of them being skilled in the kitchen, Charlie insisted on starting on the dishes right away. “I don’t get why we have to do this instantly.” JJ complained, bumping his hip against hers. Charlie shook her head, handing him a dishtowel. “We’re trying to start a routine here. My parents always did it this way and it worked, so.” 

“At my house we just used paper plates and threw them away. Or piled up the dishes for a few weeks and then finally scraped off the food.” JJ reasoned. Charlie just shot him a skeptical look, turning on the faucet. “JJ, I say this in the nicest way possible, but maybe we shouldn’t model our lifestyle after your childhood.” He laughed. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” 

After a few dishes, he grew bored and swatted her butt with the towel, making her yelp. “Can we finish?” She asked, giving him an exasperated smile. JJ reached over and shut off the faucet, taking her hands as Love You For A Long Time by Maggie Rogers drifted through his phone speaker. “No, c’mere. We have a dishwasher for a reason.” 

He pulled her away from the sink, roping her into a waltz with a goofy grin. “J.” Charlie protested, but let him lead her into a twirl. “Hush, pretty girl, I’m busy dancing.” He replied, pulling her close. Charlie didn’t hesitate to rest her head on his chest, swaying in a steady circle with him. This became a regular occurrence - she always objected at first, trying to finish cleaning a few more things, but then gave in to his embrace. 

_

JJ also learned there was nothing better than coming home to his person. Their work schedules varied, but most days Charlie was home first if she wasn’t working an athletics event. If he had a bad day, she could usually tell just by the way his texts were short and to the point. One time, after a botched client meeting, he came home and dropped his bag by the door, not bothering to say anything to her as she sat on the couch. 

“Hi to you too.” Charlie teased, following him into the kitchen. “Hey.” He acknowledged, grabbing a bag of chips from the pantry and pouring some onto a plate. “Long day?” She murmured, wrapping her arms around him from behind. He softened, turning so he could rest his chin on the top of her head, replicating the embrace. It was the sort of hug you could melt into, knowing you were safe in someone’s arms. “Love you.” He murmured, closing his eyes. She hugged him for a beat longer, then lifted her head to catch his lips. “Love you too, J.” 

_

JJ grew into the habit of waking up before Charlie, partly because he was incapable of sleeping in on the west coast and partly because she was so damn cute when she slept. He learned to cook the basics for her, and always made sure she had a cup of coffee and some toast with scrambled eggs at the very least. (Pancakes were reserved for special occasions.) The first time he did it, he woke up her with barely enough time to get ready and eat. She was caught off guard and tried to show her appreciation, but had to do her makeup in the car that day. After, he learned to wake her up enough in advance. 

The one time he overslept, he felt a weight on his conscience when he woke up to see Charlie already gone. She had to be at work early, but he had the day off, and they had stayed up til 3am last night after mutual agreements of ‘just one more episode.’ He woke up at 10am to a couple texts from her - snoozing in? and not gonna lie I’m hungry lol and immediately felt guilty. 

He dragged himself out of bed, tugged on clothes and shoes, and drove down to their favorite coffee shop by their apartment, then straight to the UC Berkeley campus. JJ parked out front of her office and texted her, leaning up against the car. Charlie came out five minutes later, confused. “What are you doing here, isn’t it your day off?” 

JJ held up a coffee and to-go bag with her favorite bagel flavor (that he had to practically beg the baker to make, since they were out). “You said you were hungry.” Charlie grinned, greeting him with a kiss. “You didn’t have to do this, hon, thank you.” He shrugged but filled with pride, knowing he was able to take care of his girl. 

_ 

One day in December, Charlie came home in a bad mood. She let the front door slam shut behind her and barely acknowledged JJ in the kitchen before storming off to the bedroom, flopping down onto the bed with a dramatic sigh. Frowning, JJ stopped his cooking and followed her in moments later. “What’s wrong, did I do something?” 

“No, you’re perfect.” She mumbled into the pillows. He paused before hesitantly reaching out to rub her back, unsure if she was being sarcastic. “Talk to me, pretty girl.” He was surprised to see a few tears welling up in her eyes as she lifted her head and curled into his side, resting an arm across his waist. “We got the bowl schedules today. I’ll be gone for two and a half whole weeks, including Christmas.” 

“Oh.” He murmured before falling silent. With Charlie’s job as an athletic trainer with the football team at UC Berkeley, they had known she’d have to travel for post-season, but he never considered her having to be gone for so long. “Well, I’ll just buy a ticket, and I’ll come visit you on Christmas.” 

She sniffled pathetically. “No, you have your tradition with the Pogues. You haven’t seen them in so long. And I’ll be so busy with work, I’ll hardly see you anyways.” Charlie sighed, a small pout on her lips. “My mom is gonna kill me.” 

JJ frowned and pressed a kiss to her forehead before running a thumb over her lips. “How about...I go back to the Outer Banks, but I go to your place for Christmas dinner? I’ll check in on your family and everything. And then when you’re back, we can go home again or we can have Christmas with just us. Your choice.” 

She lifted her head, biting her lower lip now to try not to cry more than she already had that day. “Really? You’d do that for me?” He pulled her onto his lap and kissed her sweetly. “Of course. I know it’s important to you.” That was enough to break the seal and a few stray tears fell down her cheeks as she buried her face in the crook of his neck again. “God, I love you.” He laughed softly and continued to rub her back soothingly. “Love you too, sweetheart.” 

_ 

In the days leading up to her departure, he kept stealing extra glances at her as they went through the little motions of everyday life. Sure, they had been apart for nearly six months when they did long-distance, but now that they were back to seeing each other every day again, he wasn’t sure how he’d handle being alone. (He even picked up a habit of flossing just so he had another excuse to linger around her more as she did her makeup in the mornings.) 

Before she left, he tucked little notes in the pockets of her suitcase and backpack, strategically hidden so she wouldn’t find them all at once. Once she was gone, he found himself texting her more than usual - just to check in - until she eventually had to tell him that no, she was not dead in a ditch somewhere just because she didn’t reply to his text within ten minutes. 

At first he had fun with being alone in the apartment. He could do whatever he wanted and had some guy friends over, ordering pizza and played video games with the volume all the way up, kicking their feet up on the coffee table. But after a few days, he felt guilty that the dishes piled up in the sink and his shoes were left haphazardly by the door, so he made a point to tidy up - and proudly showed Charlie how clean the apartment was over Facetime that night. 

He hated every bit of her being gone. He hated the empty side of the bed (so he slept with her pillow), he hated how quiet the apartment was, he even hated that the bathroom counter didn’t have her usual makeup and flat iron scattered across it. JJ had never been more excited to go home to the Outer Banks - not just to see the Pogues, but to see what he considered his second family too. He watched the football game at her parent’s house and had never been more excited to see her on the sidelines, even if it was only for a split second as the camera panned across. 

When Charlie finally returned to Berkeley, JJ picked her up from the airport with a bouquet of flowers and the biggest grin on his face as she dropped her bags to jump into his arms. He hardly let her go a second without touching her, keeping his arm around her shoulders as they walked to the car and his hand on her thigh the whole ride home. He didn’t realize how much he missed her like hell until they were finally together again. 

When they walked into the apartment together, he pulled her into another warm embrace, arms wrapped tightly around her and his face tucked into her hair. “My home is back.” He murmured. 

She pulled back just enough to catch his lips in a kiss, grinning. “What do you mean? You’re in your home.” 

He shook his head, grinning back. “It’s not home when you’re not in it.” 

[justcafewriter]

Bittersweet

pairing : Oda Sakunosuke x Reader

genre : a mix of fluff and angst (only a little bit of angst i guess ^^;)

warning : contain death

prompt : roasting sweet potato

summary : a bittersweet memory always find its way to you whenever winter come

word count : 2.4K

a/n : another story from a different prompt for the 12 days of cheer collab. the general idea was to have Makoto as the main character and fluff as the genre but I recently have Oda brainrot thanks to my dear friend, Clio :') so here we go.

The sound of your kitchen timer ringed loudly, making you swiftly walk to the kitchen and stop where the oven is and turn it off before you put on your kitchen gloves and open the oven's lid. The smell of roasted sweet potato filled your nostrils, a satisfactory smile appeared on your face as you're checking if it's properly roasted and it did. You look at the clock, it's now 9am and you just need to change your clothes before you're finally ready to go. 15 minutes later, you're already in your bestest outfit, a necklace with a home-shaped pendant decorating your outfit nicely, you're wearing a bit of makeup and let your hair loose. You look at your reflection, smiling as you think that you look the way someone you'll meet like.

After you put on your shoes, you're ready to go with a box of roasted potato in one hand and a bouquet of flowers that you've already arranged yourself in another. A mix of Pink Camelia, Pink Carnation, Red Chrysanthemum and Forget-Me-Not. You look at the bouquet in your hand before your eyes drift to the frames that's standing on the table not too far from the entrance of your apartment.

One of the frames contained a photo of a young man with reddish-brown hair, his azure eyes seemed so gentle as he was smiling happily. Another frame contained a photo of you and that young man, there's a little scribble on that photo saying "first date with Oda ♡". You smile upon seeing those photos, a warm feeling crept inside your heart as you see the smiles both of you wore in that sacred moment.

With a heavy sigh you finally get out from your apartment. The weather is not that nice but you can say that it's not bad either, especially since it's December now. As you're walking, you see a lot of people around, some busying themselves buying gifts for Christmas and you're giving note to yourself to not forget searching for one.

It doesn't take long until you finally arrive at your destination. You're walking toward a big tree and lay a small blanket before you sit on it. You're smiling as you see the one who you want to see resting there.

"I'm here, Oda." You whispered as a gentle smile appeared on your beautiful face. "And I bring roasted potatoes too!"

Suddenly, your mind traced on the first day he finally has courage to talk to you.

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7 years ago

You were eating your favorite curry at your favorite small shop like you usually do when suddenly a tall man with stubble came and asking for 'usual'. You look at his figure before you try to continue eating your food. Yes, try. Because the man who just came was also the reason why you keep coming back to the shop. He gave you this mysterious aura which told you to not get too close to him but also at the same time you drew to him and your eyes landed on nothing but him.

Silent filled the room, only the sound of the chef (also the owner) cooking could be heard when suddenly the man beside you asked, "How's the kids?" which was answered with, "Like usual." By the chef.

Again, silence filled the room. You try to continue to eat when suddenly the man beside you said, "Do you like sweet potatoes?" You paid him no mind since you thought that he was probably talking to the chef again but then you felt a pair of eyes looking at you, so you were looking at your right only to be watched by a pair of beautiful azure eyes. You tried your best to not spit on your food because you swear that the curry seems like entering the wrong hole.You tried to gulp down that damn curry before you sipped the cold water beside your plates.

"You're asking me?" You asked, looking at him with your doe eyes, you saw a tint of pink appear on his cheeks.

"Ah, sorry if I'm being rude and yes I was asking you." He said as he rubbed his hair.

"I.. I like sweet potatoes." You said again, you weren't lying, it's not like you love them by lots but you enjoy eating them.

"Good. So you wouldn't mind to join us later? If you have time of course." A sheepishly smile appeared on his face.

Your face brightened at the invitation, not gonna lie, you were so interested at this man so having him inviting you was something that you'd like to have.

"Well, what time is later?" You asked, no matter how happy you feel you need to play it cool.

"Uhm.. later as in after we finished our meal." He answered. "I heard a saying that said, 'women have another stomach for dessert'."

"Well it's very much true and I feel like I need to accept your invitation, especially if it's coming from a gentleman like you." You said and the moment you said it, that man knew that you were a very special person and he knew that you would change him in any way possible.

"My name is Oda Sakunosuke." That man said while stretching out his hand.

"My name is Y/N." You said, while gripping that man's hand. The moment his large hand wrapping yours, you knew that you couldn't escape to fall for him more deeply.

-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-

"Y/N-san! Odasaku! come here, come here. Sakura has practiced her singing skill and she will sing for us!" Kousuke, the oldest kid of orphaned children who Oda adopted said as he was welcoming you and Oda. It has been a year since you were dating Oda and you've met the kids countless times so they already welcomed you like you're always belonged there. Oda never knew why he introduced the kids to you and told you that he adopted them all. Well, he knew why. He wanted to know how your reaction would be. He was glad when he saw that you were very much okay with him having kids despite he was only 21 years old at that time.

"Oh, Y/N-san! You brought a lot of sweet potatoes!" Another child named Katsumi said after he appeared from nowhere.

"Yes, I'm gonna make roasted sweet potatoes because Odasaku said that you guys like them and we couldn't enjoy them that much last year."

"Your roasted potatoes taste so delicious." The youngest kid, Sakura, said as she approached you. The rest of two kids also joined you and Oda while they were agreeing to what Sakura said.

"Okay, okay. Odasaku and I will clean the sweet potatoes before we roast them so you all can prepare things in the living room and clean it up a bit. You say you will help uncle right?" You said and all the kids accepting your guidance before they stormed into the living room.

"How can they listen to you so well?" Oda said once the kids left the kitchen as he approached you. He wrapped his hands around your waist before he inhaled your scent and put his lip close to your jawline before he kissed it, that gesture made you turn around so you were facing him and process to kiss his lips before saying, "It's a secret."

A laugh erupted from both of you. Oda then pulled you closer to him before he planted a kiss on your lips, a passionate one if you could tell. The kiss made your feet feel like jelly and your lips burned in sensation of his sweet, honey taste lips. His stubble roughly rubbed the skin around your mouth but it didn't give you any effect to pull away.

"Uhm!!" You heard someone try to disturb the moment you have with Oda so you broke the kiss only to find the oldest kid, Kousuke gave you a 'what-the-hell-are-you-doing' look. "Sorry to interrupt but the potatoes won't roast themselves aren't they?" He snickered.

You and Oda were stuttering as you both tried to reasoning your action. Fast forward, all the seven of you were already in the living room with a warm roasted potato on the table and warm green tea accompanied it.

You were listening to Sakura singing a Christmas song then after that you were just listening to the kids rumbling about their days before finally the show that the kid wanted to watch has started. It was suddenly quiet, you were sitting in the back with Oda sitting beside you and his hand was around your waist. You put your head on his shoulder as you also lingered your hands around his torso. Both of you sit there in silence, watching the kids immersed in the movie that they watched.

After the movie finished, you saw the kids were all sleeping. Oda then moved them one by one to their bedroom with you helping him by preparing their bed and tucked them once Oda put them on their bed. After you tucked the last kid, both of you look at the sight of five angelic kids sleeping figures and you couldn't help but feel the warmness inside your heart and you knew Oda felt the same because you felt a pair of strong arms lingering around your waist as he hugged you from behind.

"One day… One day we will move from this town, we'll move to another place near the beach, where the kids can run as far as possible, where the kids can enjoy much sunshine while they're playing outside, where they will have baby siblings and play with them and teach them one thing or two. I, I'm sorry for being so selfish but please bear with me a little more. I promise you everything will be better." You heard Oda say those words before he kissed your crown. You, on the other side felt your tears run down to your cheeks.You knew about his occupation yet you still accept him and love him with all your might. Mafia who doesn't kill. That was what his colleagues called him. And you knew the reason why, he told you about it, about his dream, about how he wanted to be a writer, how he wanted to have a house with a window facing the ocean as he wrote the continuation of his favorite book. He shared his dream with you, shared his obsession and you were very much so supporting to his idea.

"I will wait as much as possible if it's come to you. To the kids that I thought of my own. That's how much I love you, Oda." You whispered but it was loud enough for Oda to hear.

You felt Oda broke the hug before he asked you to close your eyes and you did. Suddenly you felt a cold metal at the crook of your neck, then he told you to open your eyes. The first thing you did was to look down and there you saw a necklace with a house-shaped pendant. You ask him what it was about and he told you that it was a token, a token to what he promised to you; the next stage of relationship.

You couldn't help but crying at his explanation, he was so shocked because that wasn't the reaction that he expected.

-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-

It was less than a year when you heard news from Oda's friend, Dazai, that Oda was seriously injured. Your head was spinning like crazy and your heart was beating so fast it felt like it'd burst out from your body anytime. The time when you come to where Dazai told you, Oda was long gone, his body already cold and lifeless. That was when your world sinked into hell, when your heart broke into pieces it couldn't be repaired, when you couldn't even scream in pain as you saw a lifeless body that belonged to a man who you loved dearly.

-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-✿-

A single tear escapes from your eyes as you reminisce the memory of your now deceased fiance. You saw his name engraved on the tombstone in front of you before you put the bouquet that you bring on top of his grave. It has been 4 years since Oda left you, and you also learnt about the kids he adopted, that they were also already dead because they caught up in Oda's last mission. Another tears escapes and run down to your cheeks, you try to hold it because you already swore to only show Oda your happy side, to not make him worry when he's watching you from heaven above.

"It's okay to cry." You hear a familiar voice of Oda's friend, Dazai. "I bet that's what Oda would say to you." He says again as he's walking towards your direction.

You saw him holding a small bouquet of flowers.

"Zinnia. Thoughts of absent friends." You say as you look at the flower.

"Longing for you, I'll never forget you, I love you and True love memories." Dazai says after he placed his bouquet next to yours. "Odasaku was so lucky to meet you." He says again.

"Both of us are lucky to meet each other, but not lucky enough to be together in this life." You smile bitterly as you spit on your last words. The words are surely hurt and the reality you're facing now is surely cruel and Dazai knew what kind of hell you've been through after you learnt a sadistic truth 4 years ago, after you learnt the fact that you lost the most important person in your life.

"I still feel thankful that you live your life to your best, that you carry out Oda's dream and even you're doing more than he can do. You build an orphanage, you're taking care of unfortunate children and I'm sure Oda is gonna be proud of you." Dazai says as he pat your head, like a big bro he is.

"That's the only thing I can do." You say.

"It's getting cold now, let me take you home." Dazai offers and you decide that it's the time you need to go.

"Till then, Oda." You says before you rub his tombstone and accepting Dazai's offer to take your hand and walk with him, leaving a bittersweet memory behind you as you leave the cemeteries.

collab taglist: @animatedarchives @azxmii @yamaguchi-stan

[imyourbuddie]

Christmas Comes A Knockin'

January 5th, 2019 

Dear Eddie,

I know you’ve only just left, but I already miss you. And Christopher misses you. Tonight we made your favourite for dinner and Chris accidentally set out three plates. It was rough, but he felt better after Papa Buck’s special hot chocolate. 

You know, I never thought I’d have much use of this notebook you gave me last Christmas, yet here we are. 

Anyway, missing you. Stay safe. 

Buck

January 30th, 2019

Eddie you jackass, 

I don’t know how to send you letters. They told me you’re on some sort of highly classified mission and there’s no communication. Seriously? Some secret military black ops bullshit and you didn’t tell me? If you die on me, Edmundo Diaz, I will kill you. You hear me? I will fucking kill you.

Buck

March 23rd, 2019

Hey Eddie,

Chris got his first ribbon today at the science fair. He’s so proud and we have pictures that we’re saving for when you get back. I know he’s not supposed to get cookies and hot chocolate before bed, but I figure we make an exception for a special night. Hope all’s well. 

Missing you.

Buck

April 1st, 2019

Hen and Chim can walk off a cliff, together. They’re too damn old to be playing April Fools tricks on me! I’m going to be eating glitter for days. Days!

Anway, missing you. Loving you.

Buck

April, 16th, 2019

Feliz cumpleaños, mi amo! See, I’m learning! Chris helped me make you a cake. It’s chocolate and we ate a slice on your behalf. Wherever you are, I hope you’re celebrating.

Missing you. Always missing you.

Buck

May 1st, 2019

Chris was called into the principal’s office today. The other little fuck face claims Chris tripped him on purpose with his cane. His bitch of a mother wanted a written apology and one day suspension. I can’t even right now. Why are people such assholes? Chris says he didn’t do it and I believe him. God, I hate people sometimes.

I don’t know how much longer I can do this without you.

Buck

May 13th, 2019

Chris and I went to the pier for his birthday. It’s kinda special and it felt easier being there when it’s just us. We had churros, cake, lemonade, and maybe that was a bit too much sugar, but he’s passed out now. Yay sugar crash. 

He says you owe him a birthday present but I got your back. Now you owe me for being so brilliantly considerate. I’ll be collecting when you get home. 

Loving you,

Buck 

June 28th, 2019

I heard gunshots coming from the cemetery while we were answering a call. I don’t know if it was a military funeral, but...they’d call me if something happened, right? You’re not so off the grid that I’ll be left wondering for the rest of my life? I’m you husband. They can’t not tell me, right? 

Eddie, please, I miss you so much.

Buck

July 3rd, 2019

Chris gave me a miniature fire truck for my birthday. He’s the sweetest child a man can ask for. Really. The gang got me a cake and Chim shoved my face in it. That asshole. It’s a good thing I love him. 

It’s not the same without you here, though. I hope you’re thinking of me. 

Buck

July 16th, 2019

We went to the aquarium today. They played Baby Shark on repeat and now all I can think about is baby shark do do do do do do do and it’s driving me nuts. Chris thinks it’s hilarious. I may or may not have thrown an octopus plushie at him over it. 

Anyway, we saw all sorts of crazy stuff, and Chris loved the dolphin show. We’ll have to go again when you get back. The mango slushie at the cafeteria is magnificent. 

Missing you always.

Buck

September 15th, 2019

I miss summer vacation. I know, getting child care is always a pain in the ass, but I loved hanging out with Chris. When I’m with him, it’s like being with a small piece of you, and that made things a little easier. Now that he’s back in school, it feels like you leaving all over again. 

It gets pretty lonely at night sometimes. Stay safe and come back to me. To us. 

Loving you.

Buck

November 11th, 2019

We’re thinking of you. All of us. 

Love,

Buck

November 28th, 2019

I made us Thanksgiving dinner at the station. Chris had a blast and the guys loved having him there. We’re both so stuffed right now we’ve not left the couch even though bedtime was half an hour ago. Chris wanted to say hi, he says I can write for him while he talks, so here goes.

Hi Daddy, 

Papa gave me the biggest slice of pumpkin pie tonight, and it was so huge I almost didn’t finish it. But I did. Denny and I got to ride in the fire truck and it’s so cool you get to ride it every day at work. Papa says it’s time for bed now, I love you Daddy, and I miss you. 

Christopher and Buck

December 5th, 2019

Why are Hallmark’s movies out already? I’m not ready. We don’t have enough tissues at the house. I need to buy more tomorrow because I used up the last box watching The Knight Before Christmas. 

Wherever you are, have a pumpkin spice latte for me.

Buck

December 5th, 2019

Eddie I couldn’t sleep, so I stared at the ceiling talking to myself, pretending you’re here next to me. Remember when you first kissed me? I thought I was drowning and you kissed me. I know it wasn’t a real kiss, you were trying to keep me alive, but our lips touched, and it brought me back, you know? You brought me back when I thought I was dying. When I was ready to give up.

You’re not here to kiss me now, but I’m not giving up. I’m going to wait until you get home to me, to Chris, and I’m going to kiss the shit out of you. 

Always loving you. 

Buck

December 16th, 2019

Chris had his Christmas concert at school today. The whole unit came to watch. Mama Grant had a camera so we can record it for you. She’s really good with that thing too, even ran to the front of the stage so she could get some closeups. Chris was fantastic. Voice of an angel, I swear. We all went for ice cream after, and no, Edmundo, it’s never too cold for ice cream. 

We put up the tree last weekend, and Chris came home with these cookie ornaments they made at school. There’s one for you, too, with your name on it, so come get it, big boy. 

Cap says we’re going to have our Christmas party on the 23rd so people can go home and celebrate with their families for actual Christmas. Carla offered to watch Chris, but I’m considering taking him with me. It’s a family friendly party, so maybe Denny will be there too. 

Anyway, this is getting long. Loving you,

Buck

December 23th, 2019

Gonna take Chris to the party with me. He’s pumped. Who knew being a parent could feel like this? 

I’m always so grateful that you let me into your little family. You gave me Chris, and he’s the best present a guy could ask for. For every Christmas for the rest of my life. 

Loving you.

Buck

===

Buck closes his notebook and tucks the pen into the elastic loop attached to the cover. His finger twitches, and he wants to open the book and write our every little thing going through his head right now. Every emotion. But he can’t. It’s too damn painful. And Eddie’s not here. 

“Papa?” Chris calls from the bathroom. “Can you help me?” 

Buck scrubs a hand down his face and clears his throat, willing the prickle of tears to go away. “Yeah, bud, be right there.” 

When he pops his head into the bathroom, Chris is struggling with his bowtie. Buck wanted to get him a pre-tied one, but Chris insisted on the real deal. There’s a little card that came with the tie with diagrams on how to make the bow. Buck studies it, tries and fails a couple times, but eventually he gets a semi decent looking bow that sits snug under the collar of Chris’ shirt. 

“There you go,” he says, patting down the lapels of Chris’ suit jacket. 

“Thanks, Papa.” 

Buck’s chest swells, like it does every time Chris calls him Papa. It started as Papa Buck, but somewhere between Buck moving in and his and Eddie’s wedding, he became just Papa. It was a little strange at first, but it didn’t take long before Buck forgets that Chris isn’t his biological son. He loves Chris the same way he loves Maddie and his parents, but even more so because he never knew he could be so fiercely protective of a single human being. 

Some days, Buck muses he loves Chris more than he loves Eddie, and that’s saying something.

Buck stares into the mirror, his eyes meeting Chris’, and they both smile. “Ready?” Buck asks as he straightens his tie. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Chris leads the way, and Buck follows him out of the bathroom, through the living room, and out the front door. December in LA is mild at best, but Buck shivers as he helps Chris into the car. He looks behind him, then around, but there’s no one there. 

“Hm.” 

“What’s wrong?” Chris asks. 

Buck looks over his shoulder once more, then shakes his head. “Nothing, little man, let’s go.”

The drive to the station is uneventful, but Buck can’t shake that weird feeling swirling in the pit of his stomach. They pull into the parking lot just as Hen, Karen, and Denny pile out of their car, and Buck’s glad he decided to bring Chris afterall. 

Bobby’s whole family is here too, along with Michael, and as the spiked eggnog got passed around more than once, that uneasy feeling dissipates into something warm and fuzzy. Buck’s a little buzzed, but only enough to take the edge off. 

Chris, Denny, and Harry are off playing somewhere. Buck finds a spot with line of sight to the children and takes a seat, cradling his overstuffed stomach. He doesn’t know why he does this, but he just can’t stop himself from overeating when it’s a holiday. It’s a good thing he’s surrounded by LA’s finest paramedics incase he keels over from too much turkey. 

The upstairs lounge is buzzing with people. Firefighters and their families, and Buck tries not to let Eddie’s absence dampen his Christmas spirit. The rest of his family is right here, and he loves and cherishes them, and having Chris here makes up for the fact that Eddie isn’t. 

And that’s enough. It has to be. 

Buck contemplates a third eggnog, but decides against it. They still need to get home after, and Buck will be damned if he puts Chris’ life in danger just because he’s feeling a little maudlin and a lot lonely. He heaves out of the chair and heads for the trays of cookies and pastries laid out on a long table. If he can’t drink his sorrows away, he’ll just eat his feelings tonight instead. 

Somewhere behind him, Chris gasps. Buck’s heart drops through the floor and he spins to find Chris making a mad dash for the stairs. He acts before he’s had time to process, and he’s running up behind Chris, who’s half way down the first flight of stairs, before he sees what Chris is running towards. 

Or who. 

Down in the engine bay is a lone figure dressed in army fatigues with the brightest hazel eyes Buck’s ever known. His heart jumps into his throat, and the hubbub of the party fades as his eyes meet Eddie’s for the first time in what feels like a lifetime. 

They stand there, frozen, staring at each other, and a million things pass in that wide chasm between them. A whole year’s worth of fear and sadness and loneliness. Of love and longing and hope. Buck gets a little lightheaded, and that’s when he realizes he’s been holding his breath. He huffs, and with that single breath, every doubt he’s had this year flows out of him.

Eddie’s lips twitch into a rueful smile, that smile splitting impossibly wide when he sees Chris coming around the corner and down the second flight of stairs. 

“Daddy!” Chris’ jubilant shout breaks the freezing spell Eddie and Buck are under, and they move in sync. 

“Christopher, mijo. I’ve missed you so so much.” Eddie’s muffled voice drifts up as he clutches Chris to his chest. 

When Buck finally, finally makes his way down the steps, he stops just short. 

He’s dreamt of this moment, played it in his head over and over and over, imagined every possible way it could play out, but everything he imagined pales in comparison. Buck’s chest aches in that bittersweet, delicious way he never knew he could feel, and bites the inside of his cheek to keep from crying. 

Don’t fucking cry. Don’t ruin the moment. Just don’t, Buck. 

Eddie looks up over Chris’ head, and his red-rimmed eyes glisten with unshed tears. And that fucking does it. Buck’s eyes burn, and his nose stuffs up even more as he heaves for breath. His vision blurs, and everything turns into a watery mosaic. Eddie reaches for him, Chris still tucked against his chest, and Buck steps into the embrace like his life depends on it. 

When Buck’s arms wrap around Eddie’s actual, solid form, every dam he put up breaks, and the first of many sobs heaves out of him. Chris turns around, wrapping his arms around Buck’s neck, and then Eddie’s lips are on his skin. Warm, dry, and a little chapped. 

They’re on the floor, and Chris is in Buck’s lap, and Eddie’s hands are cupping Buck’s cheeks and Buck can’t fucking breathe. Can’t fucking see because his eyes are leaking like broken faucets. But he doesn’t need to see to know Eddie’s here, in his arms, and his presence is answer enough to all of Buck’s unanswered letters.

“Hey, Buck,” Eddie rasps, his lips hovering on the corner of Buck’s mouth. 

Buck wants to say something, anything, but all that comes out is another sob. Eddie chuckles, then his lips press against Buck’s in a soft, chaste kiss. “Evan, Ev, I’m here. It’s okay.”

“Papa missed you,” Chris pipes up between them. 

Eddie’s eyes mist, and his arms slip around Buck’s shoulders. “I missed Papa too. Missed you both so, so much.” 

“Are you coming home, Daddy?” 

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and his bright eyes lock on Buck’s with a conviction. “I’m coming home. For good.”

[septicbro1005]

Splatoon 2 Octo Expansion Ramble

Spoilers for the Octo Expansion. Don't want them? Don't read.

I fucking love the Octo Expansion. I've wanted to buy it since it came out, but I never bought it until December of 2020. Bought it for myself as a Christmas gift. Beat every level with every one of the little squishy looking things in a day. Pure unadulterated boredom causes me to fixate on new stuff until I finish it, and maybe even after.

One of my favorite parts from the Octo Expansion (other than the fact you get to play as an Octoling and get some radical fucking gear) is the final escape and final boss fight. Spoilers below for both the Octo Expansion and other Splatoon sotry modes, as I will be comparing the two. Please avoid the spoilers if you don't want to see them!

Now I'm gonna rant about this stuff because I love this game so much. So the final escape has seven phases, a boss, and then you make your way to a cutscene and the final boss.

So, for some form of context, you play as Agent 8, an Octoling who has no memory of who they are. You are picked up by Cap'n Cuttlefish, and both of you are trapped in a place called the Deepsea Metro. Before you can get into any train car though, you are met with a ringing phone.

Now, right away, this shows how much darker the Octo Expansion is going to be compared to the other story mode in Splatoon 2. That one, you play as an Inkling and you need to be DJ Octavio again because the Great Zapfish was taken. There's also a little side plot about Callie missing, and you later find she was hypnotized to work with Octavio all along, all that jazz.

Within the first few minutes, after you go through the tutorial, you are met with a sort of dark hallway with a light shining down on a telephone, ringing ominously. No music. Just the telephone and your footsteps.

The telephone ends up actually being a character, called Telephone. Smart, I know. He tells you to get to the Promised Land, you need to collect four thangs. I'm not making that up, that's what they're called.

So you have to pass a series of tests and such, some of which are boss fights, others of which are harder tests. Each of the levels give you a particular weapon or some options of weapons to choose from. Sometimes they're real weapons, or they could be bombs, occasionally specials.

As you collect these four thangs, you may see that they end up being parts of a blender.

When the thing is all built up, you and Cap'n Cuttlefish are told to go in there. When your dumbass gets in, you almost get blended to bits when Agent 3 (from the first game) comes and saves your ass.

I believe 3 gets conked the fuck out, but I can't remember that perfectly.

Then you move onto the phases. Holy shit the phases of the escape. Listen, I'm gonna elaborate on the first phase in a minute, but here's the name of all of the phases.

Coccyx phase, Villi phase, Belly intestinal, Diaphragm phase, Peristalsis phase, and Spinal phase.

So, I'm going to skip over the Coccyx phase for now. I'll come back to that.

The Villi phase has the player collecting a weapon. So you go through part of the phase with no weapon. You collect bombs first, and then you collect your Octo Shot. Not that big of a deal.

Belly phase is up next. You have to go from falling platforms to another section where you jump between sideways platforms to reach the end. Beat up a missle shooting sanitized Octocopter, and you're off to the next phase.

Now, while these phases have been happening, we hear dialogue from Pearl, Marina, Cap'n Cuttlefish, and some random noises from Telephone, who we now know as our villain.

Intestinal phase has you dodging lasers. While this is going on, Telephone wakes up and wants Agent 8 to come back and help him with his plans. You, being the little bitch baby you are, say no. And now we don know where Cuttlefish and Agent 3 are.

Diaphragm phase has you stealing a power source. You need to go hit a bunch of different things while controlling your Inkjet and trying not to fall to your death or get killed. Unlock the power source and go to the next phase.

The Peristalsis phase has you on a platform you need to propel. While propelling the platform, you need to protect the power source from Octosnipers and missiles and 8-balls, etc. It's an absolute fucking pain, but when you finish, it's so relieving.

Last phase is the Spinal phase. You go into an elevator and youŕe going up. You're so damn close to the surface. You stop. Agent 3 has been hypnotized and you have to fight them. They've been a member of the New Squidbeak Splatoon for so damn long. They're an expert. You're fucked. When you finish them off though, it feels so damn awesome.

Then there's the final boss. It's terrifyingly fun. It gave me such an adrenaline rush, I fucking loved it. I won't give specifics, but damn. The hyperbombs made me lose my shit.

[madamsixx]

Beyond The Leather Chapter 79: Who Am I Talking To Pt.2

Continuation..

"Hello?"

"Hey Tommy, it's Nikki. I was afraid Heather was going to pick up." I laugh.

"Nah dude she's gone to her friends house. She'll be back tomorrow morning."

Robbin's right, Christmas did come early.

"Ok that's great, well not great as in she's gone and you're alone great." I hesitate.

"What's up Sixx?" Tommy asks knowing that I wanted something.

"So uh, any plans?"

"Nah, you got any?"

"No, you wanna hang? You can come over and we can just watch TV and chill." I say looking at that Jack Daniels bottle.

"Sure I'll be over in a couple of minutes."

"Alright cool, see you soon."

Tommy came over and we sat around just talking and watching TV. On the inside I was desperate to open up the Jack Daniels but on the outside I didn't want to look to eager infront of him.

"Dude, oh shit I forgot to tell you." Tommy said with enthusiasm.

"What?"

"Heather agreed to talk about having kids!" Tommy yelled.

"Shit bro that's great." I smiled.

"Yeah dude, but just talk no action yet."

"Well at least she's willing to talk. See I told you once we got settle down and got on the right path things will work out."

"Well we need to celebrate." Tommy says as he sits up. "Do you have anything to drink?"

Fucking finally!

"Yeah I do actually. I have two bottles of Jack that I had from before. I never opened them though because we were trying to stay sober."

"Oh..stay sober." Tommy scratched his head.

Shit Tommy don't back down I need a fucking drink.

"Well..we can have just one glass. I don't think that will mess us up. I mean this is a special occasion. Heather never talks about children."

"Yeah we can have one glass, you're right this is a special occasion."

I got up and went upstairs to my room. I grabbed the two bottles then came back downstairs. I placed them down on the table then headed into the kitchen to grab two cups.

"Here." I say handing Tommy a glass.

"Thanks bro." He says as he takes it from me.

I open one bottle and pour him a little.

"You can pour a bit more." He smiles. "I'm only having this one glass."

I poured more Jack into his cup then poured some for myself.

"Cheers, to talking about children with Heather." I say with excitment clinking my glass with his.

"Uuuuh, I miss the taste of this." Tommy smiles after downing his drink.

"Same, fuck."

"How about another, you know. Like a Merry Christmas cheers cause I won't be seeing you?"

"Yeah we can do that." I nod in agreement.

I poured Tommy and myself another glass. We both drank it then we had another and another.

"Remember when we use to see who could finish a whole bottle of Jack?" Tommy chuckles.

"Yeah those were the days."

"I bet I can still beat you." Tommy smirks.

"You're on."

"Wait, but even out the whiskey first. Pour some of this one in this bottle." Tommy says.

I opened up the full bottle and poured some Jack into the half bottle to even out both bottles. Tommy then grabbed one bottle and I grabbed the other.

"Alright ready." I give Tommy a devilish grin.

"I was born ready Sixx." Tommy says.

"Go!"

We both lift the bottles to our mouths and start downing the whiskey. The shame of drinking was gone and so was the loneliness. I had Tommy and I had my Jack. I hope that will be enough for me for this Christmas break.

"Fuck yeah!" I shouted as I slammed the bottle down on the table. "I always win!"

"Bullshit I beat you before!" Tommy scoffed.

"What, so you're saying you wanna go again?"

"Yeah, your bottle was less than mine."

"Fuck, well I don't have any more."

"Ok let's go get more." Tommy says as he gets up stumbling a bit.

I got up and put on my baseball cap then grabbed my car keys. We drove down to the liquor store and purchased four bottles than came back to my house and finished them all.

Night time..

Mani kept calling but I didn't want to answer. I let the answer machine take a message. By this point I was too drunk to talk to her. She left me by myself anyways. She doesn't fucking care that I'm going to be alone for Christmas.

"Dude." Tommy slurred. "You gonna answer her? She's leaving so many messages."

"Fuck her!" I spat. "She doesn't want me, she fucking left me." I slurred trying to keep my eyes open.

"Yeah fuck that bitch, she tried to kill you." Tommy says falling to the ground.

"Fuck, fuck. Brandi's mom wants me to come..come over."

"Come over or cum on her." Tommy laughs. "I can't believe you fucked Brie. How's her pussy?"

"Can't remember." I chuckled.

"You can go there later. I wonder if Mick's getting pussy?" Tommy chuckles humorously.

"Fuck Emi, she's a gold digging whore." I spat.

My head was fucking spinning and my stomatch started hurting. I turned to the side and puked on my own floor.

"Ugh fuck." I groaned and wiped my mouth.

"Hey, where's your dog?" Tommy asked wiping his face.

"Oh shit." I laughed. "I was suppose to pick him up from Karen."

"Shit Sixx, I'm feeling for some more fun. When last were you down at the strip?"

"Fuck, I went yesterday with King." I said as I put tissue over my puke.

"Wanna go for old time sake?" Tommy raised a brow with that mischievous grin on his face.

Ring Ring Ring

Beep: Hey it's Nikki, I'm not home right now leave a message.

Hey Nikki it's Iman, just checking on you. Hope you're ok, I'll call back later.

Beep

"Let's go to the strip." I smirk ignoring Mani's message.

I called a limo and the driver drove us down to a club. We got even more shit faced. I was stumbling around trying to keep my balance and throwing up while Tommy was tounge deep in some girl. So much for celebrating kids with Heather. Well his secrets safe with me.

"T..Tommy." I slurred stumbling into him and the chick. "You have coke?"

"I've got some." She spoke up and pulled a little baggie out of her purse. "But you have to fuck me and my friends."

Me and Tommy looked at each other and smiled.

"Sure." Tommy lifted the girl off his lap and stood up. "Tell them to meet us in the limo."

"Uh no." The girl pulled the baggie away as Tommy tried to take it. "You'll get it when we get into your limo."

She walked over to her two friends and motioned towards us. The girls got up and ran over to us showing us all the drugs they had. I was drooling, it's been a long time since I've had any drugs. We left the club and got into the limo.

"Alright give me the fucking baggie." I demanded.

She pulled out the baggie and I snatched it from her hand immediately. We were making lines and snorting them all up.

The two girls Tommy was with unbuckled his pants. One started sucking him off while the other shoved her nipple in his mouth. "Fuck." Tommy groaned pulling his mouth away from her nipple. He then made a line on her boobs and snorted the coke. "Suck faster."

"Fuck." I groaned with satisfaction after snorting.

"Nikki, you ready for me?" My girl sat on my lap and started grinding on my crotch getting me hard. "You like that." She whispered into my ear as she started leaning close and trying to kiss my neck.

"You girls got more drugs?" I groaned enjoying the feeling but pushing the girl back from kissing my neck.

"Plenty more." She smirked pulling another baggie out of her purse.

"Ok, hang on let's go somewhere more private. "Hey Dan drive." I said to the limo driver.

"Hey." The girl complained as I pushed her off my lap.

"I need to snort more." I made another line and snorted it up. "Stop here."

"Fuck." Tommy moaned as he started cumming in her mouth.

"My turn." The other girl said to Tommy lifting her dress up.

"Girls." I looked at them. "We're going into this building."

"Wait Sixx." Tommy chuckled. "Let me fuck her first." Tommy says pushing the girl down on her belly. "God, fuck." He groans as he shoves his dick in her.

"Nikki, you ready baby?" The one girl asks.

I could tell she was desperate for a fuck. But something kept holding me back from doing it.

"When we get into the building, you girls can all fuck me, ok."

"Uh shit." Tommy groaned as he came on the girls ass. "Shit that was good."

"Alright, let's go."

Tommy zipped up his pants and leaned back on the chair. I got out and held the door open for the girls so that they could climb out.

"Where we going?" One girl asked looking confused.

"Walk that way." I pointed. "You girls have any more coke on you?"

"Yeah, here." One of the girls says pulling out a full baggie.

"Ok, give it to me." I try grabbing the bag.

"Are we going to fuck?" She asks.

"Yeah we are, give me the bag first." I demanded holding my hand out.

She placed the baggie in my hand.

"Alright, where we walking to?" She asked.

"Hey Sixx I need your help!" Tommy called.

"Hang on, I'm just gonna help Tommy first wait here."

The girls waited and I quickly ran and jumped back into the limo.

"Drive!" I shouted to Dan.

"You fucking ass holes!" The girls started screaming.

Me and Tommy burst out and started laughing. Fuck those bitches, Tommy got his fuck and I got the drugs. We drove down to the next club for more drugs, girls, and debauchery.

_______

Friday, December 22nd, 1989

Afternoon..

I opened my eyes and lifted my head up slowly. My head was aching, I wiped the drool off my mouth and lifted myself off the ground. I looked up to see the time, it read 3:46 PM. Shit I slept for that long. I got up stumbling but fell back down when I tripped over Tommy laying on the ground.

"Ow fuck!" Tommy yelled in pain holding his side.

"Shit sorry dude." I chuckled. "What the fuck?"

"Shit, you ok?" Tommy asks sounding out of it.

"Ugh my head hurts." I lean back down on the ground rubbing my face.

We both got startled when the phone started ringing. I was so tired and irritated that I didn't want to be bothered right now. But it kept ringing.

"Just answer it dude." Tommy said in frustration. "Fuck, Heather's going to kill me."

I turned on my side and pressed talked then put the caller on speaker.

"Hello?"

"Hi Nikki, it's Brandi."

Me and Tommy looked at each other with wide eyes.

"H..hey Brandi. What's up?"

"You called me last night." She said with a seductive tone.

"Did I, oh my mistake."

"You asked me to come over later, tonight?"

"Uh.."

I hung up the phone not knowing what to say.

"Shit dude." Tommy chuckled.

Ring Ring Ring

"Ugh what?" I growled answering the phone again.

"Hey Nik it's Mani, you ok?"

"I'm fine Mani." I growled again. "What do you want?"

"What do I want? I've been calling since yesterday and this morning. I know you said you went out with your friends so I just wanted to know if you were alright?"

"Mani I'm fine, ok. I just had a long night and I needed sleep this morning to feel better." I said with agitation.

"Ok..well."

"Listen I'm tired ok, you're with your family. You fucking left me!" I raise my voice.

"What's wrong with you?" She raised her voice. "Nikki..are you drinking?"

I sighed. "No I'm not." I lied. "I'm just..I'm tired ok." I eased up a bit. The phone went silent. "Mani?"

"Are you doing drugs?" She asks with a shakey voice.

I sigh and rub my face. I look up at Tommy and he shakes his head for me to say no.

"No babe I'm clean." I lie again. "I told you I stopped." I say sadly.

"Ok." She speaks softly. "I'll call back later then."

"Yeah, no problem. I love you ok."

"Love you too."

I hung up the phone feeling agitated and angry.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her right?" Tommy smiles.

"Right." I responded feeling bad.

Another call came in and I pressed talk and put it on speaker.

"Hello?"

"Hi Nikki, its Heather."

We both tense up, Heather is still in LA so if she finds out that Tommy has been drinking we're both in deep shit. Well at least he is. Mani and Heather aren't talking so I'm good.

"Hey Heather what's up?" I responded nonchalantly.

"Is Tommy with you?"

I look at Tommy, he mouths tell her I just left.

"Uh, yeah he was but he just left. He's on his way home. He should be there shortly." I assure.

"Ok, so um... who are you spending Christmas with, is Iman there?"

"Uh, no she's in Canada with her family." I furrow my brows and look at Tommy wondering why she's asking.

"Ok, well Tommy says she came out to see you guys on tour. So I guess you guys are good now huh." She sneers.

"Yeah we're good Heather. Uh, I have to go."

"Oh by the way, I ran into Brandi she says your spending Christmas with her family?"

"Uh..no I never said that." I respond sounding confused.

I look at Tommy as he mouths hang up to me.

"Hm, must be nice bouncing from girl to girl. Does Tommy do that?" She questions.

"No he doesn't." I lie. "He's a good guy who loves you. And I'm not bouncing from girl to girl. There's only one girl for me, and it's Iman. I have to go now Heather." I snap.

"I'm sorry Nikki, I didn't mean what I said. I guess.. I'm just..still upset about my birthday." She says sadly.

"Iman feels bad, she never meant to do that. Tommy will be there shortly. Have a good afternoon."

I hang the phone up and breath out.

"Women." Tommy scoffs. "Can't live with them can't live without them."

"Agreed, well hurry and get home."

"Bro, I need to shower first I smell like booze and pussy."

"Alright dude do your thing."

Tommy heads upstairs while I get up and sit on the couch. I fucked up again.

Buzz Buzz Buzz

I get up and stumble towards my buzzer.

"Hello?" I groan pressing the buzzer.

"Hey Nikki, it's Karen. I have shadow here with me. You forgot to pick him up."

I pressed the buzzer open for her to drive in. I opened the door rubbing my face as the sun hit my face.

"Hi Nikki." She furrowed her brows looking at me. "Wow you look terrible, you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm good." I bend down and play with shadow. "Thanks for watching him."

"No problem." She smiles. "Um..you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah I'm good karen, thanks."

She walks away and I head inside with shadow. Tommy finally comes downstairs looking brand new. Me and him hug it out and I walk him out.

"Hey Sixx." Tommy looks at me with concern. "Let's not tell anyone about this."

"Fuck no." I chuckled humorously. "Shit stays here."

"Alright, see ya Sixx." Tommy waved.

Tommy drives off and I'm back to being alone in my big mansion. I went upstairs to brush and shower cause I smelt like shit. After, I cleaned up my place then sat on the couch wondering what to do. I was back to feeling agitated, lonely, sad, and a bit depressed. Christmas is around the corner and I don't have anyone. The alcohol and coke killed that pain for last night. Maybe I need something stronger to kill the pain for today, tommorow, and on Christmas. I haven't thought about her since 87. She was my first love, she knows exactly what I need to make me feel better.

"Stop thinking Nikki, fuck!" I shouted hitting my head.

When I'm alone like this, that's when the demons start coming out. It's hard to get them out of my mind. I got up and paced around for a bit. I went upstairs and started combing my hair. I then walked out and dressed my bed but it wasn't enough, the ich came back. I decided on taking shadow out for a walk.

"Shadow, c'mere boy." I patted my thigh.

He ran over to me barking and I bent down and let him lick my face. I grabbed the leash and put it on him then headed out the door. I went to the dog park and allowed shadow to run around. I watched as the other people in the park were walking their dogs, some as a couple holding hands and some with their children running around and playing with their dogs. This is depressing me. I picked up shadows leash and walked back home.

I arrived home and looked around the mansion again. I walked upstairs and sat down on the bed. I felt like I should call Bob Timmons and talk to him for a bit. Maybe he can help me stop thinking about the demons that are running in my mind. I did enough yesterday and the day before, I don't want to do anything today. I got up then picked up the phone and dialed Bob's number.

"Hello, Bob Timmons speaking."

"Uh..Bob, hey it's Nikki Sixx."

"Nikki hey, happy holidays. How are you?"

"Um..I'm, I'm trying to be ok." I studdred. "I'm just a little agitated."

"Ok, ok." Bob paused for a second. "What's making you feel agitated?"

"Well all my band mates have their wives and families to be with for the holidays and I don't have anyone." I said sadly.

"Ok, before we talk about that, did you take anything?"

"Uh..no I didn't." I lied feeling scared and nervous.

"Are you sure? You've worked so hard to get where you are now and I would hate to see you relapse. And if you have, it's ok. A lot of people relapse as long as they tell the truth and get the help that they need."

I was scared to tell Bob that I relapsed. I didn't want to fail him. And I know if he finds out he's going to say that I have to tell Mani, and I really don't want to.

"No, I'm good." I lied again.

"Ok, so tell me what's going on? You said all your bandmates have their loved ones to spend time with on Christmas?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, where's Iman?"

"She's with her family in Canada." I sniffle.

"And is it that you didn't want to go with her or-"

"I want to be with her." My voice starts cracking. "But her family doesn't like me because of what happened to her in 87. So we're keeping our relationship a secret from them. And I just..I feel lonely because I don't have anyone." I start to sob.

"Have you called her Nikki?"

"I can't." I sob even more. "She has to call me, we can't risk getting caught. And it's so frustrating because I want to wake up to someone." I cry. "I wanna hold her hand, I wanna cook with her, I wanna watch TV with her, I wanna walk my dog with her, I wanna come back from tour and know that I have someone to come home to. Not just this empty house. All I ever hear is my voice and my dog. I'm tired of being alone. I can't stand it." I burst into tears. "I don't have anyone for Christmas. I hate feeling this way, I just need something to take the pain away!" I raise my voice.

It goes silent on Bob's end. I just kept crying and I couldn't stop.

"Ok, Nikki I need you to breath ok." I sniffle a bit and wipe my tears then let out a shakey breath. "Ok, good job."

"Sorry." I sniffle.

"No don't apologize, I know it must be hard for you and her."

"I just don't like feeling like this." I grumble.

"Right now you guys are in a tough situation. Because if she brings you up to her family they won't accept you. And you said Iman is very close with her family?"

"She is, and I don't want to put her in that situation of her having to choose between me and her family. It's not fair to her."

"But it's also not fair to you, being kept in a secret relationship can cause a lot of problems Nikki. I think you and Iman need to sit down and have a talk about this. It's hurting you, and these are things you should tell her."

"Bob we just got back together I don't want to scare her away. It took me a whole year and eight months for her to trust me again."

"And if she loves you she will listen and understand you when you say how much it hurts you to be kept a secret. You need to communicate."

"You're right, you're right." I sniffle and wipe my tears again.

"So, do you still feel like using?" He asks with seriousness.

"No I feel better." I breath out.

"I'm glad you do. By the way, you're more than welcome to spend Christmas with me and my family Nikki. It would be an honor to have you as my guest."

"Thanks Bob." I chuckle. "But I'll be ok."

"Alright, call me anytime."

"I will, bye."

I hung up the phone feeling a bit better. I breathed out and rubbed my face. I think I should take a walk outside and enjoy the cool breeze later on tonight. But first I need to eat, I haven't really put anything except for alcohol and coke in my stomatch.

Night time..

I put on my disguise and drove down to the strip. I parked my car and just walked around. At first I thought this would be a good idea but now I just felt like I didn't belong down here anymore. Last night I felt ok because I was drunk and high. However, being sober I just feel like a lonely loser looking for something to do.

"Yo, Sixx!"

I turned and saw Robbin sticking his head out of his car. How the fuck did he know it was me?

"Hey what's up bro?" I walked over to his car. "What are you doing down here?"

"I'm uh..I'm waiting for my dealer." He rubbed his nose and slurred. "Here get in."

He opened the door for me and I sat down in the car. He looked so strung out today compared to two days ago when I last saw him.

"The dealer couldn't meet you at your place?" I ask.

"Nah man, Theresa's family is there now. They were cussing and yelling. Had to get the fuck out of there." He laughs. "Oh shit there he is."

"Hey King." The dealer greets leaning through his side of the car window.

That voice sounds so familiar. I turned and looked at....Oh fuck!

"Oh shit, hey Sixx." He grinned.

Abdul fuck!

"H..hey." I replied nervously.

"So, you looking to buy?" He smiled at me like the devil.

"Nah..just.. just here hanging with King." I motion to Robbin then turn my head.

I was sweating, in fact I was foaming. I haven't seen Abdul since 87. He always gave me fresh Persian smack at a good price. He was a good dealer.

"Here." Robbin hands him the money and I turn to watch the transaction.

"There you go, fresh Persian." He hands Robbin the Persian but looks at me.

I was really fidgety now watching Robbin put the smack in his pocket. I then saw the brown baggie knowing exactly what was inside of it. The tools to cook.

"And uh... here you go." He says turning to me and chucking a bindle on my lap. "On the house."

"I don't want it..I'm...I'm clean." I stumbled on my words sweating like a water fall.

His smirked turned into a full smile plastered on his face revealing his crooked yellow teeth. "Of course you are." He raised his brows. "I think I'll be hearing from you Sixx. If you don't have my number be sure to ask Robbin."

I turned my head away from him again and faced the front of the car.

"Thanks Abdul." Robbin said.

"No problem." He moves away from the window whistling as he walks down the street.

"I need to cook this." Robbin then looks at me then looks down at my lap. "Hey since you're clean can I have-"

"No!" I raise my voice making Robbin flinch. "I mean...no..I'll throw it away when I get home."

"Ok." Robbin shrugged. "You need a lift home?"

"No just drive me up the street I parked there." I pointed.

He turned his car on and started driving. He stopped by my car and I quickly got out. I said goodbye to him then climbed into my car and drove home.

I paced in my bathroom staring at the smack. I also stole Robbin's brown baggie with tools to freebase. He probably has more shit at home anyways, he's not going to miss these. I rubbed my face in frustration. I don't think anyone even cares about me anyways. No one cares that I'm alone right now, no one wants to have anything to do with me, no cares if I have a shitty Christmas.

"She doesn't love you! No one can ever love you! You don't even love you!"

"That's not true." I shake my head trying to get the voices out.

"You're a junkie rocker with junkie friends! Last night proves the type of person that you are and who you hang out with! And I'd rather die than admit to having anything to do with you!"

I started sniffling hearing the horrible things that the voices were saying. "No Mani you don't mean that." I paced around even more trying not to look at the drugs.

"If I was your Grandma, I would be ashamed of you!"

"Nona, I'm sorry I didn't come to say good bye. I'm so sorry." I cried. "Stop talking to me just leave me alone!"

"You're pathetic, you're a loser, you're a junkie, you're a pig, you're a liar, you're a cheater. And you're a lonely drugged up motherless, fatherless rejected son that nobody wants."

"No one wants me." I burst out crying and fell on the ground. "How come no ever wants me? How come I don't have a family?" I continued to cry.

"She doesn't love you...drugs love you...the syringes love you. Think about that beautiful feeling of euphoria entering your veins, it's all inside this bag waiting to go home with you. A press with the needle and push into your veins. See, there is such thing as love. You don't need Iman."

I looked up sniffling hearing Tamara's voice. She's telling the truth. Drugs have been the only thing that has ever loved me. Every time I felt bad, it was the drugs that comforted me. I wiped my tears then grabbed the bag dumping the contents out. As I expected; the syringe, a lighter, a spoon, cotton, and everything else I needed. I began to cook. I cleaned the syringe before using it cause I know Robbin must have used it. I took my belt off and tied it around my arm then pushed the needle in.

"Fuck." I breathed out.

I leaned back on the wall and closed my eyes as the euphoria started to set in. This was the best feeling in the world. Nothing compared to this feeling, and what's great about it is that the lonely feeling went away. Abdul is right, I'll need more. I stood up and opened the washroom door as I heard the phone ringing. I let it go to voicemail. It was Mani. She's been calling for a while now, fuck that bitch.

I waited for her to stop calling then picked up the phone and called Robbin. I asked him for Abdul's number and he gave it to me... right after he cussed me out for stealing his gear.

"Hello?"

"Abdul?"

"Who's this?"

"It's Nikki...Sixx."

"Ahhh, well Sixx what can I do for you?"

"I need $4,000 worth of Persian. I need it to last me until we're back on tour." I slurred. "And buy me two bottles of whiskey while your at it."

"Where do you live?"

I told Abdul where I lived. He came over and brought me fresh Persian, the whiskey, and was even nice enough to bring me fresh syringes. See, he's a good dealer. I thanked him, paid him, and gave him my number as well. I ran back upstairs into my bedroom and locked the door as if someone was going to catch me. I cooked up another batch and freebased. The voices started coming back so I needed to find a safe haven. I grabbed my things and ran into my walk in closet. In here felt very safe. I leaned against the wall feeling nothing at all. Who cares about the holidays, who cares about family, who cares about Mani, who cares about me.

Buzz Buzz Buzz

I didn't know if I was hallucinating but I kept hearing my buzzer for the gate go off.

Buzz Buzz Buzz

I got up and opened my closet door. The sound of the buzzer was actually real. I wobbled my way downstairs nearly tripping over the steps.

Buzz Buzz Buzz

"What?" I slurred.

"Hi baby, it's Brandi open up."

I buzzed her in then unlocked the front door. I watched as she drove in through the gate. I made my way to the couch and collapsed on it.

"Oh, had a long night baby." She smirked walking into my home.

"Mmm, what do you want?" I groaned with annoyance and rubbed my face.

"What do I want?" she smiled walking closer to me raising her brow. "You called me."

"By accident." I said looking her up and down.

Her boobs were popping out of her black tight shirt. She had on blue ripped jeans and her hair was teased to heaven. She looked hot.

"So, where's Iman?" She smiled as she bent down between my legs.

"In Canada." I responded staring at her breasts.

She smirked and started rubbing my crotch with her hand.

'Uuuuh." I groaned and leaned my head back.

She got up and leaned close to my face then started kissing my jaw all the way down to my neck. She unbuttoned my pants and slowly moved her hand into my boxers and slowly started rubbing my cock.

"Uhhh, fuck." I groaned and closed my eyes.

"I knew you wanted me." She said seductively in my ear.

I opened my eyes back up and looked straight ahead. I looked at a picture I had of Iman on my side table. My eyes started watering and I felt even more like shit.

"Get..get off me." I grumbled trying to push Brandi away.

"Relax baby." She said as she started jerking me off.

"Uh, I said get off!" I raised my voice shoving her back.

"What the fuck Nikki, you called me!" She shouted.

"Get the fuck out!" I yelled pulling my pants up. "Now!"

"Ok." She scoffed getting up. "Eventually you'll come around. I know you're not ready for a divorce." She walked up to me and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight Nikki." She walked out of my house slamming the door shut.

"Fuck." I groaned.

I walked back upstairs and went into my closet to shoot up again.

2:33 Am

I woke up in my closet after passing out. I heard my phone ringing again and again and again. I crawled out of the closet and saw my dog laying on the floor. He's probably hungry. I crawled over towards the phone and answered it.

"Nikki, what's going on?" She sounded worried. "I've been calling non stop."

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked slurring with venom in my voice.

"E..excuse me." She chuckled hesitantly. "Don't speak to me like that I haven't heard from you since the afternoon I've been trying to call you."

"Fuck you!" I snapped.

"Nikki!" She called my name with confusion in her voice. "What's gotten into-"

"You fucking left me." I sniffled. "You don't care about me. I'm fucking lonely with no one to talk to while you're with your family."

"I asked you if you wanted me to come back!" She whispered shouted.

"You said my Nona would be ashamed of me!" I shouted on the phone. "I don't have anyone! You fucking lied to me when you told me you loved me!"

It went silent.

"Who...who am I talking to?" Iman asked in a low shakey voice.

The silence lasted and lasted and lasted. Neither one of us said anything until I decided it was time to talk.

"Sikki."

I growled then slammed the phone down and pulled the cord out so I would get no more phone calls. I got up not bothering to look down at my dog who got up wagging his tail with excitment. I needed to shoot up again. I walked back into my closet thinking fuck the world, fuck Christmas, and fuck Iman. Then shut the door.

[jamlally]

Family Fineary

This was written for the 25 days of Christmas Challenge that is hosted by  @panicfob .  The Day 2 Challenge prompt was Decorating the Tree

Warnings: Fluff 

Pairing:  OFC x Tony Stark (platonic)

Summary: Belle Porter has settled into her role as a part of the Avengers, at least as far as her work goes but when it comes to dealing with the team off the clock it is a different story

Belle rubbed her hand over her eyes, which were feeling the strain of the many hours that she had spent looking at digital files, maps and video feed finishing the analysis the last of the teams missions.  She loved her job but there was no denying that it could be tiring even though she wasn’t out in the field with the others. When Tony Stark had offered her the position as a mission analyst for the Avengers she couldn’t believe her luck.  She had been sure that he was about to kick her out of the training program, but he and Steve Rogers had seen something in her and now here she was today

It was well into December and she was just coming up on the year anniversary of officially joining the team, Steve and Natasha had been been teasing her about it over the coms when they were heading back, asking if she had any special plans.  She had tried her best to avoid getting too drawn into the conversation, mentioning that she might go out to dinner.  When they had asked whether her family would be joining her she had told them that they were busy and couldn’t make it.  The truth was her family, well there was only her mother didn’t approve of her job and they wouldn’t want to be involved in any ‘celebrations’.  

She had called her Mother the evening that she signed the contract excited to share the news with her only surviving relative.  The sigh from her mother was not the reaction that she had expected

“Really Belle, I thought that you would grown out of the nonsense.  It is bad enough you picked all those courses to get into the SHIELD program but now you’re telling me not only are you staying there you will be working with those other people.  I mean really.  You can’t honestly expect me to be ok with you working with a group of people who, at any other time, would be called terrorists!”

“They aren’t terrorists Mum !.  They help people, they save lives.  You know that this is what I wanted to do.  I explained it all to you.  I’ve worked hard for this and I…I want you to be happy for me”. Her voice wavered as she struggled to try and make her mother see that thus was her dream

“They have killed people Belle!  Innocent people.  I don’t know why you can’t see what they truly are.  I want you to come home now and we will forget all about it.  I will talk with Mr Dickson in accounts at the office and see if he can’t find something for you to do here”

“I’m not coming home Mum.  This is where I want to be, it’s what I am going to do.  I .. I need for you to support me”

The dead line had been her answer and Belle hadn’t spoken to her Mother since then.  She had  tried writing but had only received radio silence. She had accepted that this was the way things would have to be, but with it coming up to Christmas she couldn’t help but feel a little maudlin and alone 

Tonight was movie night in the compound for the team, and as always an invitation have been extended to her, this time by Bucky.  The usually quiet super soldier had sought her out just as she was heading out to grab a coffee

“Hey Snowflake - wait up !”

Belle had rolled her eyes at the use of her callsign.  Tony had dubbed her Snowflake when he offered her the job and the name had stuck.  Mostly because every time he introduced her to someone he offered that as her name.  She had tried to object at first but had quickly realized that Tony did what he wanted so discretion became the better part of valor and she stopped correcting him

“Hey Bucky, is everything OK?” She couldn’t help but worry. It was unusual for Bucky to approach her for anything other than comment son the mission and how he felt that they could have adjusted the plan.  As much as she wanted the coffee she wouldn’t rush what ever Bucky had to tell her.  His thoughts had helped her learn and grow and he wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important.

“Wrong?  Nothings wrong Doll”. He gave her a soft smile “I just thought you might have forgotten than tonight’s movie night.  It’s Nat’s pick and she usually has something good.  The plan is to meet in the common room at 8.  There’s gonna be pizza and beer”

Belle felt her body relax a little.  She had plans for a quiet evening in her apartment and she was looking forward to it 

“Oh right yeah movie night….” Belle dropped her gaze looking at the floor “You know it’s been a long week and with the mission wrap up and post analysis I’m kinda shot.  I think I’m going to have to pass this time,  Sorry”

Her face was growing warm with embarrassment.  One of them always made sure that she was invited to group events, but she just didn’t feel that she belonged.  She didn’t know how to fit in with them on a social level.  Isolating herself to do well in school and college had a lot of benefits but it left her social skills a little lacking.

“You sure I can’t change your mind.  If you think you’ll need more time to get things wrapped up we can wait for you” Bucky pushed 

“No really Bucky.  I’m, well I’m probably going to be lousy company tonight.  I’ll be asleep 5 minutes in”. She saw his small smile fade as he stepped away.

“Sure thing” 

She watched as he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked away and she felt the guilt gnaw at her. It probably took a lot for him to come and extend the invitation.  She wasn’t even sure how many more times it would happen before they just gave up

“Hey Bucky” She waited for him to look back at her “Thank you - for the invite.  It means ….well it means a lot to me, you know ?” Her face was sure to be scarlet but she needed him to understand that she appreciated the way he had put himself out there.

Bucky’s warm smile let the guilt ease up a little “Sure thing Doll, Enjoy your evening”

When Bucky came into the rec area later that evening he was greeted with hopeful expressions that fell when they saw he was alone.

“Is Snowflake just on her way up?” Steve was the first to ask

Bucky shook his head “ She couldn’t make it tonight.  Said she was tired after the week and wanted a quiet evening”

“Thats like the 100th excuse that she had made to not come and join in.  I’m starting to think she doesn’t like us” Clint grumbled

“She seems fine over the coms and when we are on missions and when I’ve seen her getting coffee she seems happy to chat.  I don’t think she she feels badly about any of us” Wanda cut in 

“Maybe she’s got other things to plan.  You know like Christmas gifts for her family.  When is she heading home ?.  Tony!”

Tony glanced up as Sam called his name “Snowflake, when is she heading home for Christmas?”

“Oh ah I’m not sure.  Her request is somewhere in my inbox.  Look the pizza is getting cold, the beer is getting warm and non of us, including the two Old Men are getting any younger, so lets get the movie underway”. 

Tony waited until the lights when down and people were eating before pulling out his Stark Pad and looking through his messages.  He didn’t have a request for time off from Belle.  In fact other than the mission reports he didn’t have anything from her. He paid no attention to the movie as he ran though all the interactions that he had with her.  They were positive.  She was happy and open and always had the information that he needed to hand,  In fact the work that she had been doing had made the team more effective than he could ever have hoped.  

He remained lost in his thoughts, working through and rejecting ideas and possibilities and as soon as the lights came up he made his excuses and left the room a plan of action firmly in place in his head.

Steve hadn’t been expecting to be called down to the Lab at 6am two days after movie night.  He had been getting ready to go for a run but knew that his duty had to come first.  Being greeted by Tony wearing the same clothes as he had been on movie night was shocking and made him fear the worst.

‘What are we dealing with?”

“What do you know about Belle’s family?”

“Belle?”

“Yes Belle.  Agent Porter, Snowflake!  Jesus is it the ice or old age that has gotten to your brain?”

“I know who Belle is and there is nothing wrong with my brain.  I know exactly the same as you do.  Father deceased, her mother lives in the same town Belle grew up in”

“Well it turns out I know a bit more than that.  Sit down we need to have a conversation”

The rain lashed against the window and thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance.  Belle sat snuggled on her bed a fluffy blanket wrapped around her body and Nina Simone playing softly in the background.

The day had been easier than some, mostly analysis reviews of data sent on from SHIELD agents.  She was trying to work on a predictive model to see if that would help them.  She wondered wether she should ask some of the others and see if they had any input, but she really wanted to have something more concrete to take with her, not just a pipe dream.  

Slipping off her bed, holding the blanket close around her she shuffled through to the small kitchenette.  The apartment came with the job Tony had explained.  It made it easier for her to be available 24/7. She loved the fact that she was able to prepare her own food without having to go to the common floors and worry about having to try and make conversations with the others.  Lifting the lid off the pot she had on the stove she took a deep breath smiling at the warm spice , citrus and wine smells.  Mulled wine was one of her favorite treats of the season and she had this batch brewing since mid morning.  Filling her glass and tuning off the burner she turned to head back to her room and her book.

Settled in her cosy nook Belle took a sip of the warm drink sighing in pleasure.  She wondered whether she should go out and try and find a small tree for her room, maybe a few decorations to brighten the place up. She was just considering picking up her tablet to see if she could find something online  when the peace was broken 

“Apologies Agent Porter but Mr Stark is in need of your assistance”  F.R.I.D.A.Y’s gentle voice sounded  “He has asked that you meet him on the communal floor as a matter of urgency”

Why on earth did Tony need to see her there?  Usually she met him by her office or in the Lab.   Shrugging out of her blanket she pulled on some boots and a large sweater. She was grateful she hadn’t had more than one full glass of the wine.  If they had a mission then she needed to be on the ball.

“Sure thing F.R.I.D.A.Y. Please let Mr Stark know I’m on my way”

Tony sat in the the Rec area, lights dimmed enough to make it seem soothing but not so much that it would be hard to see. He cast his eyes to the corner looking at his surprise, that was for later -  but to get  there he needed to have a conversation and see if he couldn’t work things out.  He hated having to do this, it made him uncomfortable -the touchy feely stuff.  Normally he would have passed this off to one of the others, but tonight he knew that this was his responsibility and there would be no shirking.

F.R.I.D.A.Y pinged letting him know Belle was getting off the elevator and he turned to the doorway, hip resting against the back of the couch, whisky glass in hand, the only sign of his stress being the way he swirled the ice around.

“Tony?”

He could hear that her voice was timid, nervous, in a way she hadn’t been since she first joined

“Over here Snowflake” he called out pulling her attention his way 

“Do we have a mission?”

“Of sorts I supposed.  Come on in” he gestured her forward.  You know I’m not always good at seeing the bigger picture. That’s why we hired you.  You help us all see a little more.  You are one of those crystals we talked about, when you got the job remember ?  See the thing is, its hard for a man like me to admit that I have some gaps in my knowledge. It doesn’t happen very often, but I can admit that I have..flaws”. He paused taking a sip from his glass “

The other day I realized that you hadn’t requested holiday leave, so I made some calls, and had an informative talk with you mother.  She’s an interesting lady you know, She had all kinds of things to tell me”

Belle’s breath caught in her chest “My mother. I really wish you hadn’t, she can be a difficult person”

“I think the phase you are looking for is  raging hell bitch.  I mean at first she thought you were dead, and she asked if I would be paying for your funeral and then she got very angry when I asked about her holiday plans.  Why didn’t you tell us, tell me even -  about the fact she disowned you?”

Humiliation rose and Belle struggled to find the words to explain 

“Tell you the she hates the fact I have my dream job. Or that she hates who I work for, or that she found it easier than she should have to turn her back on me.  You’re my employer Tony.  You’re a busy man saving the world and doing what others can’t.  You don’t need to spend your time worrying about my screwed up family”

Tony moved to sit on the ottoman patting the sofa seat opposite. “Come and sit a minute I need to explain something”. He waited for her before he leant forward resting his arms on his knees.

“I get what it’s like to have a shitty parent, I do. My Father and I - we didn’t get on.  I think now I understand a little more about him, but I still can’t forgive him. The thing is, you can’t let let the way that your mother treated you affect whether or not you let anyone in.  Take it from someone who knows, that’s a lonely and unhealthy road.  It's taken me a long time to find my way off that path,  and I only did it with the support if the family I built.  The ice cubes, point break, widow, bird brain, big green, all of them help me be better.  They’re my family and we want to be yours”

Looking up at him tears running down her cheeks Belle couldn’t find the words

“I get that it’s hard.  It’s just been you for so long, but it’s time to let people in, to build your family.  You know when we invite you to the team stuff, we want you there.  We want to hang out and chat and have fun, but you have to take that step”

“I… I don’t know how:|” her voice broke “I don't have anything to bring to conversation, all I can tell you is about what I learn, the missions,  You don't get it but I didn’t  have friends.  Not at school or college. I don’t even know how to deal with it “

Tony’s heart broke a little.  He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t seen what  a hard time Belle was having.  She hid her concerns so well but really she was lost and he had failed her. Hand shaking slightly he reached out and clasped her shaking hands in his own “ Everyone feels like that sometimes, but you work it out.  The old men, well they like to talk about the 40’s, Nat and Clint like to talk about what ever they’re watching on TV,  Bruce will talk about science until you wish he would shut up.  You get there by learning a little about them, ask them what they’re reading, what they did on a day off and listen.  Just one step at a time Snowflake”

Belle nodded trying to process all the information could she really do it, take that step and let these people be her family?

“I’m going to help you with that first step Snowflake. F.R.I.D.A.Y Can you let Point Break know we’re ready”

Belle found herself blinking in surprise and wiping at her face wondering what the hell Tony was talking about now.

“Stark!”  A booming voice called out making Belle jump, “It is good to see you again my friend,  I thought I should like to enjoy some Midguard Winter festivities with you all !”

“Point Break, welcome back to earth. There is someone I would like you to meet, a new member of the team since you were last here”

Belle found herself face to face with the largest and possibly the loudest person she had ever met

“Belle, meet Thor, Thor is this Snowflake”

“My Lady Belle, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.  Come tell me all about what you do here.  I am excited to spend time learning of your Winter customs”

Belle found herself swept along in conversation with the Asguardian King and when ever there was a lull in the conversation she tried to remember what Tony had told her and asked Thor questions about the customs on Asguard.

Tony poured himself another drink and watched.  He could see that Belle was getting more comfortable as she spent time with Thor.  It had been fortuitous that the Asguardian had come for one of his visits. He couldn’t think of a better person for Belle to have her first family interaction with, Thor could hold a conversation with himself in an empty room, but he had a good heart and loved to meet new people.

Keeping his voice low he decided it was time to implement phase 2 “F.R.I.D.A.Y  Let Capsicle know that we are good to go”

Belle found herself relaxing as Thor told her about the time that he managed to get both of the Super soldiers drunk “You should have seen them Lady Belle.  Neither could stand and Barnes was singing some song about putting rings on things that he had heard”.

Belle chuckled as he imagined the scene.  Neither Bucky or Steve were well known for letting their hair down so to speak.

“Ah speak of the devil, Rogers! Good to see you “ 

 Belle felt herself freeze up turning to see the other team members entering the room. Tony caught her eye and winked before heading over to the bar to pour drinks

“If you don’t mind we will stay off the Asguardian Mead for the moment this is a pre Christmas get together not a frat house party” he called out before opening a some bottle.  

“Hopefully you have  something festive there Tony” Nat called out

“Whisky is always festive Romanoff” 

Nat sighed “ Really ? Couldn’t the Catering company come up with something better?”

“Well this is more spur of the moment, so no you get what you get” Tony snarked back 

“Um actually … if you wanted.. I could maybe make some mulled wine” Belle didn’t raise her voice much but it was enough to catch Nat’s attention.  

“Mulled wine you say?  Well that certainly seems more occasion appropriate.  Move it Stark, at least Snowflake here knows how to create the right atmosphere”

“I’ll need to head back to my apartment, get the ingredients” Belle was feeling uncomfortable as all eyes seemed to focus on her

“Nah I bet you Tony as everything we need here in the rec room. Come on I’ll help you look” Clint threw his arm over her shoulder guiding her over to the pantry cupboards and fridges “Barnes why don’t you track down some red wine” he threw over his shoulder 

Belle gave a small smile as she sat between Bucky and Wanda on the sofa.  The others had bee telling stories about things they remembered or liked the most about Christmas.  They hadn’t gotten to her yet and she was worried about what she would say.  Would they laugh when she told them that it would be a toss up between this and last Christmas when she joined the team.

As the laughing quieted Tony stood and moved over to the side pulling out a large box.  “While I hate to call a halt to the festivities, I wanted to start our Christmas with a new tradition for us all “ He paused looking around the group.  “We may not always see eye to eye, or be in the same country, or  on the same planet” he inclined his head to Thor “But we are family, and this year, well I figured, while we are all still talking to each other, we should take note of that. So if you would all follow me”

Belle moved with the rest of the group to the far side of the Rec room where a large curtain had been hung “F.R.I.D.A.Y if you could “

The curtain dropped and behind it stood the largest and grandest tree that Belle had ever seen.  The green of its branches sparkled with white fairy lights and tinsel was strung around looking like a tasteful halter skelter .  Belle pulled her hand up to her mouth covering the gasp she let out.  

“The tree isn’t complete until we hang these” Tony moved stopping in front of Natasha “Widow” he extended his hand to her placing a delicate hand blow glass ballet slipper in her hand, before moving through the rest of the team. Each received an ornament special to them.   Clint got a golden bow, Bucky was gifted a glass bauble that showed a beautiful Christmas tree inside decorated as if it was 1940.  Steve got a book resting on a shield, Sam a peace dove suspended in glass, Wanda a bauble containing a picture of her brother, Bruce a glass hulk in a Santa hat, Thor a glass copy of his hammer and then finally he stopped in front of Belle and held out his hand 

Belle looked up at him , her cheeks pink from laughter and the effects of possibly too much wine and her eyes bright. “Last but by no means least - this is for the newest member of the family”

Tony’s smile was soft as he rested her ornament gently in her hand. Belle looked down and saw the most beautiful snowflake made out of a lightly tinted blue glass.  Belle looked back up smiling at him 

“Thank you Tony .  It is truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen”

“Did you know that snow usually look blue when it is deepest?  Its a strange effect of the light” He winked at her gently squeezing her hand before clearing his throat

“Well what are you all waiting for - decorate the tree my Christmas minions” He clapped gesturing for the others to go forward.  

Having hung the ornaments Belle stood back and admired the way they sparkled on the tree, each stood out on the branches but there was something missing.  

Belle excused herself saying she needed the rest room before heading to her apartment “F.R.I.D.A.Y I need your help…..”

Belle was gone for a surprisingly long time, long enough that Tony was thinking of going to look for her when she bounced back into the room.  

“Everything good Snowflake?” 

“Oh yes, sorry I had something I had to deal with but its all good now” 

Her smile was slightly too bright but Tony didn’t want to push her in front of the others.  He would ask F.R.I.D.A.Y later.

Belle was enjoying listening to Bucky talk about Christmas with is family when he was a younger boy when F.R.I.D.A.Y interrupted “Agent Porter your item is ready”

“Your Item?” Tony questioned. 

“Yes F.R.I.D.A.Y was helping with something, that’s ok right?” She worried for a moment that she had overstepped 

“Sure” Tony gestured “what’s mine is yours and all that - well other than the suits, cars and bank accounts but you know what I mean”

Belle smiled in relief before getting up “ Ok well I’ll be back in just a minute”

When she came back out of the lift she had her hands behind her back and her confidence seemed to have wavered as she went up to Tony 

“I just had to say thank you - to you all.  This, well this has been the best Christmas celebration that I have ever had and I promise that I’m going to try harder to spend time with you all.  The thing is “ they could hear her deep breath as she paused “when you gave us those beautiful ornaments, well there was one missing.  It’s not as beautiful as the ones you had made for us, but the family tree wouldn’t be complete if you weren’t on it”

Her hand shook as it extended and she pulled her lip between her teeth.  She knew he didn’t like to take things from people but perhaps he might make an exception.

Tony tilted his head looking at her questioningly before looking back down at her outstretched hand

“Belle how about I take….” Sam headed over before Tony waved him away 

“Back off Bird Brain this is my gift”. He held out his hand and Belle placed a small glass globe of his own into his hand. He looked closely, inside was a computer chip on one side it showed the Stark industries Logo and the other the Avengers Logo with the outline of his helmet resting below

His smile was gentle and warm as he turned it around letting it spin and catch the light before heading to the tree to hang it securely in its branches. Stepping back he placed his arm around Belles shoulders pulling her into his side before kissing her on the head.  

“Merry Christmas Snowflake”

[heyyyharry]

Christmas Special: Baby, It’s Cold Outside

(from the Couple in Flat 102 Series)

…in which Y/N doesn’t go home for Christmas, and neither does Harry (first Christmas as flatmates).

wattpad link

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It was Harry's first Christmas away from Y/N.

Ever since they met he hadn't spent one Christmas away from her, so he didn't know how he'd cope with not having her around this year. He'd been excited for this whole month and had everything planned out in advance — They would decorate the flat together, have a nice little dinner, watch a Christmas rom-com, kiss under a mistletoe, then have mind-blowing sex (his favorite part), so yes, he was a bit too excited perhaps.

Unfortunately, Harry's entire plan had to be cancelled due to that one email Y/N received on one Wednesday afternoon.

Of course he was happy for her, he truly was. He knew she'd worked hard and deserved to be chosen to accompany her boss to go sign an important contract. However, the big problem here was that - the meeting would be held in New York...

...on Christmas Eve!

Harry's first thought when he received the big news was, who the hell arranged a meeting on Christmas Eve?!

"Our business partner went to see a fortune teller and were advised that the meeting should be held on that specific night or else our project would go down in flame. Those people are very superstitious," said Y/N.

"Or they're the Grinch and they just hate Christmas," Harry bitterly replied, making her giggle.

"Don't worry." She said before pulling his head down to kiss him on the lips. "I won't go. There's no way I'm leaving you alone on Christmas."

That was exactly what Harry had wanted to hear, but now that she'd said it, it didn't make him feel any better. He loved her so much. He knew for sure that he would miss her terribly if she went. But there was another thing that Harry also knew, and that was, although Y/N loved him and wanted to spend her Christmas at home with him and their cat, she also wanted to be on her boss' good list this year. She just loved Harry too much to admit it.

So Harry encouraged his girlfriend to take the offer, even though it killed him to be away from her. He thought it was the right thing to do, since she'd been so supportive about his internship to Japan a year ago. What kind of boyfriend would he be, if he couldn't be supportive in return?!

Consequently, after a long debate in the kitchen after dinner, Y/N finally gave in and agreed to go on the business trip.

"When I step out of their office, I'll hop on the first plane to go home to you. I promise," she said to him as they shared a hug. Harry was very proud of himself, but he felt downhearted too.

And so, there he was, decorating their flat on his own on the 24th morning of December while she was in New York.

"If your mother was here, she would help me untangle these little fuckers," he said to the cat, who was lying on the sofa like a Queen while watching her dad struggling with the Christmas lights. "Ugh...I wish you were human, so you would lend me a hand instead of lying there and...judging."

Treasure hopped off the sofa then strutted her way into the bedroom without taking a second look at Harry. She gave him that attitude all the time, he was not a stranger to it, so Harry resumed his work and didn't pay much attention to where the cat was or what she was doing.

It was not until Harry heard a heavy piece of furniture collide with the floor, that he dropped everything at once, and rushed to the bedroom to check on the cat.

Well, Treasure was alright. But his room wasn't. She'd spent less than five minutes in there but it already looked like a war-zone. The sound he'd heard earlier was her knocking over the standing lamp while digging through the bottom drawer of his closet. His forgetful mind couldn't remember whether it was him who had left the drawer open or she'd it herself. Either way, thanked to the kitty, he now had more housework to do.

"Bad girl! You're not helping and now you're making a mess!" Harry scolded Treasure then bent down to pick up the piles of clothes lying on the floor. That was when he noticed the oversized sweater beneath the cat. For a second there, he almost forgot how mad he was at Treasure.

Harry laughed slightly as he sat down on the floor and moved Treasure to his lap, holding up the sweater in front of them. He hadn't seen it again since they first moved in.

Treasure was staring at him, as if wondering why he was so happy to find such an ugly sweater. Believe it or not, that hideous sweater was actually his girlfriend's first Christmas gift to him. Y/N had told him she'd bought it a month prior and kept it in her closet, that was why it had smelt just like her. For some reasons, it still did.

Looking at it now only made him miss her more, which he didn't know was even possible. Harry remembered that day so well and how easy things used to be when they were just students, and had a lot of time to spare. It was their first Christmas together. She didn't go home to be with her family, and neither did he.

Little did they know, they were already with their family.

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Five years ago...

"Why aren't you packing?"

Y/N removed her attention from her phone to look up at her flatmate.

"I'm not going home," she casually said, as if it wasn't a big deal. To Harry, however, it was.

Besides the fact that he was clearly a mother's boy, Harry believed Christmas was a family occasion and that everyone should spend it with the people they love. He didn't know much about Y/N's family since she rarely mentioned them, but he was sure her being with them was better than her being alone.

"Why?" He asked her. "Have you got other plans?"

If she said she'd got a Christmas date, he'd die, literally die.

"Well," she began with a sigh. "My parents have been fighting, so now they're not on speaking terms. Mum's spending Christmas at my brother's place, and my dad, at his parents'. I didn't want to pick a side so I decided to celebrate Christmas here, alone."

Once she finished, Y/N looked at Harry, and the pondering look on his face made her giggle.

"Don't worry about me. I've got a list of Netflix movies to watch on Christmas Eve so I'm good," she told him. "You go home with your family and enjoy your holidays."

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" He asked, because he genuinely cared about her, much more than one should for their flatmate. Through all that had happened in the last couple months, all the hugs and hand-holdings, goodnights and good mornings, he was now uncertain what they really were to each other.

"I will. I can take care of myself, you know."

He knew she could.

She didn't have to though.

So he told her he should get back to packing, then quickly headed back to his room. Harry believed this was going to be a very tough decision, when he sat at the edge of his bed and stared at the half-filled suitcase on the floor. Eventually, he grabbed his phone and quickly dialed his sister's number.

Gemma answered after only a few beeps. "What is it, H?"

"Hey, Gem, I need to tell you something but promise you won't be mad?" He said quickly, furrowing his brows with his eyes closed.

"What have you done this time?" Gemma cautiously inquired. Just from hearing the tone of her question, he could already see his sister raising one eyebrow while pursing her lips, silently judging him.

Typical Gemma.

"Uhm...I don't think I'm coming home for Christmas this year."

"Are you serious? We always spend Christmas together as a family! What am I gonna do with your present now?"

"Please don't be mad at me. I'm gonna call mum and apologize later."

There was a long pause on Gemma's side and Harry held his breath until he heard his sister's voice again.

"Y/N's not coming home for Christmas, isn't she?"

Gemma was quick when it came to this sort of things, still he certainly hadn't expected her to figure it out that fast. That was why he started to freak out, and as an instinct, tried to deny it despite knowing he was going to fail anyway.

"No, this has nothing to do with Y/N. I just have this...stuff...that I need to get done...It's important."

That had got to be the worst fake excuse he'd ever come up with. In his defense, he didn't have a lot of time to prepare a good lie. At least he'd tried.

"You don't want her to spend Christmas alone, I get it. But you can bring her here," Gemma suggested. Harry, however, didn't answer. "Wait...or do you want to spend Christmas alone with her, just the two of you?"

"Well..."

"I'm telling mum."

"No, wait!" He exhaled harshly, tugging slightly on his own hair - the thing he did whenever he got frustrated. "I can't bring her home, it'd be so weird!"

"Okay fine! Whatever mum got you this Christmas, it's mine now."

Harry sighed in relief, smiling as he thanked his sister for understanding. "You're the best, Gem. Merry Christmas!"

"You too, kid," his sister said before hanging up, this time, without one last sarcastic comment.

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Because Harry wanted to surprise Y/N, he waited until the morning before Christmas to tell her he wasn't going home. Her reaction, however, was nothing like what he'd expected to see.

"What's wrong?" She looked at him, surprised. He had assumed that she would be so happy to hear this news, so seeing that look on her face truly disappointed him.

"Did something happen between you and your family?"

"No." He snorted, shaking his head. "I completely forgot I'd got this unfinished project that needed to be done after the holidays."

Harry finished by nodding his head, lips pressed together to form a cheeky smile. He thought it was a pretty good lie and was so proud of himself for coming up with that.

"Project? What project?"

"Just a small research on stock investments."

Good job, Harry! Real smooth.

"For the Finance and Accounting course?" She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms, which began to make him feel uneasy.

"Yeah."

"Harry, I take that course with you! There's no research paper due after the holidays."

Shit.

"Not that course, a different one."

"We have two different FA courses?"

"Yes, but why are we talking about that when we should be talking about Christmas."

That was an awful save, he gotta admit. Lucky for him, she didn't go to the bottom of this or else he would've just ended up spitting out the truth.

"Oh, okay. I'm sorry you're stuck here with me though." She frowned then quickly put on a smile as she remembered something. "But don't worry, I won't be here on Christmas Eve, you'll have the whole flat to yourself to work on your project."

"Wait, what do you mean you won't be here on Christmas Eve?" Harry calmly asked with both eyebrows raised. Internally, however, he was screaming and shouting and kicking over a chair. He'd just given up on his family for her and now she was telling him she'd got other plans, which didn't include him?!

"I reckoned it'd be boring to watch Netflix the whole night so I signed up for the business club's charity Christmas musical." She smiled, and now he was just gawking at her.

He loved it when she started talking about a subject that she really cared about, and she had that little smile on her face without realizing she did. He was so in love with that smile.

God, she looks so pretty.

"We sell tickets and all the money will go to the foster care."

She's an angel.

"Harry, are you even listening?"

"Y-Yeah, totally, foster care." His reply made her giggle. Harry soon realized what a fool he'd been so he quickly cleared his throat and added in, "have the tickets sold out?"

"Not yet. It's not like a Broadway musical or anything."

"Right." He snorted, rolling his eyes. "Can you buy me a ticket? I'll pay you back."

"You wanna go?" The fact that she looked so shocked by what he'd just said almost cracked him up.

"Yeah, you're gonna be singing right?"

"No, I'm gonna be a tree in the background."

It was clearly a joke so he decided to play along by telling her, "that role was made for you."

Y/N huffed and playfully punched him on the chest. Then she called him a dork for pretending to be in pain.

But that was why she loved him.

"Shouldn't you be working instead of going to a charity event?"

"I'll swing by once I'm done," he told her. His name would definitely be crossed off Santa's good list this year for all these lies he'd come up with lately, well, if he'd ever made it on the good list.

Y/N nodded, biting back a grin, hoping the excitement wasn't etched on her face as she said, "okay, I'll be waiting for you."

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Y/N wasn't lying when she'd told him she would be waiting.

From backstage, a few minutes before the show, Y/N peaked out through the gap between the curtains, watching the line of people coming in and hoping she would spot his face. She'd been looking for fifteen minutes or so. Maybe he couldn't make it after all.

The voice in her head tried to comfort her by saying he probably got stuck in traffic. Well, she could just ask someone to record her performance and show it to him when she got home.

But, said that little voice. It wouldn't be the same as having him here...

"Aww, expecting someone?"

Y/N didn't need to turn around to know whose voice it was. There was only one person that she knew, who sounded that irritating.

"Jess." She glared at her ex-roommate and the girl gave her a not-so-friendly smile, which reminded Y/N the reason why she'd decided to move out of the dorm in the first place.

"I'm sorry no one comes to see you tonight."

"Are you serious? This is a charity show, not the X-Factor finale!"

Jess opened her mouth to speak, yet got interrupted by another person.

"Hey, guys!"

"Oh God, Trix, what the hell is that?" Jess looked at the red-head in the tree costume with a look of disgust when Y/N giggled and said hello to the girl.

"You look so cute!" She told Trix, who happily swirled to show off what she was wearing.

"Thanks, Y/N. I'm a tree, if you couldn't tell."

"We've been rehearsing together for a week! We already know you're a tree, but this costume is just..." Jess reached out to touch a fake branch and a plastic leaf fell off, leaving the two others speechless and surprised. "...sad."

"Don't listen to her, Trix, you'll be a great tree."

"Aww thanks, Y/N." Trix suddenly pulled Y/N into a hug but before the girl could return it, Trix released her and screamed out loud. "HEY, Harry's here! Harry! Harry, over here!"

She started waving once her loud voice had caught Harry's (as well as everyone else's) attention. He started waving back, and as soon as his eyes met Y/N's, he gave her an endearing little grin, which could've knocked her off her feet right on the spot.

"Wait, who did you just say?" Jess couldn't believe in her own ears, or eyes, but her question was ignored by Y/N who immediately excused herself and walked away.

"Is that Harry Styles? They know each other?" Jess pointed a finger to where the young man was standing as she asked Trix. She had never felt more offended by the fact that the guy who fucked her then blocked her number was now (possibly) dating her loser ex-roommate. That was a hard slap in the face if she must admit.

Trix's answer obviously didn't make her feel better. "They live together now. Harry kind of has a crush on her."

"Seriously?" Jess exclaimed, putting one hand on her forehead and exhaled harshly. "He rejected me to end up with...that? What does she have that I don't?!"

"A heart?" Trix spoke with an innocent smile, which disappeared as soon as she received the glare from the other girl.

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"Hey you!"

"Hey you!" Harry tried to hold back his showing fondness and he didn't even realize he just repeated after Y/N. The beam on his face was too bright to be covered up, and apparently, she felt the same way about him being there.

"Thank you for showing up. I thought you couldn't make it."

"Are you kidding?" He snorted. "I wouldn't miss a chance to see you on stage!"

"Well, I hope I won't disappoint you," she replied, looking delighted. "But I should get back now. The show starts in two minutes."

"Alright! Break a leg!" He told her but his eyes stayed fixed on her red lips. She didn't usually wear such a bold color. She looked so good with this lipstick on that he wondered what it tasted like if they kissed. Every single cell on his body was fighting to keep him from making that attempt, though he had been fantasizing about kissing her for months now.

That could be the moment, yet he let it get away, because he was nervous. It was so unlike him to be nervous around a woman. Maybe it was because of Y/N - only her could make Harry sweat in this kind of weather.

Y/N mumbled a quick "thank you" then waved him goodbye as she headed backstage. Harry took in a deep breath, keeping his eyes on his flatmate until she was finally out of sight. Then he started wondering what would have happened had he kissed her then.

"Harry?"

That voice pulled Harry right out of his own head. He prayed it wasn't who he thought it was, but he'd run out of luck for that night perhaps, because his two friends Niall and Layla were right in front of him when he turned around. They were the last people he would have expected to see at an event like this.

"H-Hey! What a surprise! I thought you'd already gone home!" He faked a laugh, watching his friends exchanging looks because they didn't understand why he was acting so out of character.

"I could either spend time with my dad's other problematic family or my mum and her dumbass boyfriend..." Layla rolled her eyes "...or I could stay here and enjoy a drama-free Christmas. I decided that the latter option would be better for my mental health."

"Wow, okay..." Harry blew up his cheeks and furrowed his eyebrows. "But then you forced Niall to stay in town with you too?"

"No, he voluntarily agreed. Tell him, Niall."

"S'true." Niall gave his best friend a shrug. Nevertheless, Harry knew it was bullshit. Niall was an idiot who only decided to stay instead of going home so his crush wouldn't be lonely, which sounded a lot like Harry himself.

The trio sat down so they didn't get in people's way. Layla sat between Harry and Niall, looking slightly annoyed as she complained about the uncomfortable seat, because that was what she always did, she complained about everything.

Harry raised an eyebrow at the girl. "And you're here because...?"

"Excuse me, I care about these children as much as you do!" She looked a bit offended, but he didn't seem a bit convinced. "Okay, fine, we came to see Trix. Isn't that why you're here too? Why aren't you home with your family anyway?"

"Well..." Harry swallowed, struggling to come up with another excuse, when suddenly the lights in the audience were dimmed, and Y/N stepped onto the stage for the opening performance. That already answered Layla's question.

"Idiot." She meant Harry, yet Niall widened his eyes, feeling like it was meant for him as well.

Normally, Harry would have a lot to say about Layla's attitude, but this time he put her remark aside, because Y/N just smiled at him and she was all he cared about tonight. He gave her a small wave to let her know he saw her then straightened his back to get more comfortable in his seat.

Then the show began.

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Throughout all performances, Harry only paid attention when his flatmate was on stage. He didn't care much about the others and while they were performing, his mind wandered somewhere else, like sketching out different scenarios of how that night would turn out. The most far-fetched one had got to be him confessing his feelings to her and they kissed under a mistletoe.

Maybe he'd watched too many Christmas rom-coms lately, he was beginning to lose grip on reality. Because if he confessed and she didn't feel the same, he'd lose her; but if he confessed, and she felt the same, he could end up screwing things up and breaking her heart, then he'd lose her. That being the case, he couldn't risk it.

"Are you filming this?" Harry chuckled when he turned to see Layla holding up her phone.

"Trix asked me to film everything for her." She rolled her eyes and sighed, but Harry knew she was secretly enjoying the show.

The next performance was a classic song 'Baby, It's Cold Outside'. At first Harry got really excited when Y/N returned on stage, but he realized it was a duet and he started shifting in his chair when another male walked up and stood by her side. The music started and the scene began with them sitting on the sofa at the center of the stage.

Just like in the lyrics, Y/N's character was worried because it was late and she insisted on going home, but the guy begged her to stay with him for a night because 'it's cold outside'. Classic. But definitely not easy to watch.

It was a flirty song, and they were just acting, but there were a lot of touching going on. For the entire four minutes, Harry was on the edge of his seat...literally.

The song finished with a very long note, and the couple on stage suddenly pulled each other in for a big final kiss before the curtains were drawn. Everyone in the audience started cheering, everyone, except for Harry, whose eyes nearly fell out of their sockets. It took him a long moment to snap out of it and realize Layla was filming him.

"What the fuck, Layla?" He tried to cover the lens but she smacked his hand away while laughing her head off.

"Look at your face, Harold. You're so jealous it's hilarious!" Niall cracked up, and his laughter only got louder when Harry started sinking further down into his seat from embarrassment.

The show ended with a standing ovation and Harry received a text from Y/N, telling him to meet her backstage. He swore he had never leave a place that fast, so fast that his friends didn't even get the chance to ask him where he was going.

He pushed his way through a crowded room of people to look for his flatmate. When he finally found her, with a tremendous smile on her pretty face, his heart nearly burst into fireworks, and from that moment he knew he was already so far gone.

She giggled, reaching out to hold his hands. "Did you love it?"

"I did. I loved it." And you as well.

"What do you think about the kiss?" Her question made him froze for a second or two. Why did she have to bring that up? He was trying to forget it'd ever happened!

"Uh...it was very...unpredictable." He faked a smile. "Was it scripted at all?"

"No."

"Really?" His eyes went wide and he tried to hold the smile, making it look even more unconvincing. "So you two were so into the song that you actually...kissed each other?" Now Harry hated that dude, whoever he was.

"No, we had a discussion about whether we should do it without telling everyone else, then we both agreed, because it would wow people!" She broke out the jazz hands at the word 'wow' and it didn't fail to make him laugh, even though he should be upset because someone else had kissed her.

"I...was very wowed...but let's not talk about that anymore, okay?"

"Okay." She happily agreed. "Wanna go home?"

He wasn't sure if she knew, but he loved it when she referred to their flat as 'home'. So even though he wasn't the one she kissed tonight, at least he was the one she would come home with.

"Let's go," he told her, then both turned to leave. However, they were stopped by the same guy who had kissed her earlier on stage. Harry's expression altered the second he laid eyes on Y/N's friend, who, surprisingly, was hand-in-hand with another girl.

"Hey, I just want to say you did well tonight," the guy told Y/N, who also looked pretty confused about the girl he was with. He didn't wait for Y/N to ask and just went on to introduce her as "my girlfriend".

"Rob...you forgot to mention you had a girlfriend!" Y/N laughed wryly. She was obviously shocked by the news. He'd told her he wasn't seeing anyone, which was why they'd agreed to do that stage kiss. Had she known the truth, she wouldn't have jumped on board.

Harry didn't know Rob or his girlfriend, but he didn't have to to figure out what was going on. The guy was a dick who had probably lied about his relationship so he could get away with kissing Y/N. Now Harry was even more pissed than before.

Y/N politely said hello to the other girl, who not only didn't say hello back, but also stared Y/N down for having kissed her boyfriend.

"Who's this fella, Y/N?" The guy pointed to Harry. "Your boyfriend?"

"Actually—"

"Nice to meet you, I'm Harry." Harry went in for the handshake, ignoring Y/N's staggered stare. She was speechless so he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled him to his chest, grinning at the other couple. "We better get going now, you two have a happy Christmas! Let's go, sweetheart!"

Harry spun themselves around and urged her towards the exit. She looked at him in amusement without an intention of removing his arm around her.

"Sweetheart?"

"I saved your ass. She could've killed you for kissing her boyfriend." He said, smirking down at her as they walked through the door.

And I could've killed her boyfriend for kissing you.

.

.

.

On their way to the parking lot, Y/N said she was cold so Harry gave her his coat. They walked side by side in silence, stealing glances of each other once in a while. It wasn't the first time they'd been alone with one another, so neither understood why they were so nervous then.

Harry had both hands in his pockets, with only a thin sweater to keep himself from freezing. Y/N noticed that, and she also knew he wasn't good at coping with the cold either.

So she spoke up, "do you want your coat back?"

"No. I'm fine," he said. It was probably a lie because his voice was trembling. She stopped walking unexpectedly.

"Give me your hands," she demanded with a straight face, despite how appalled he looked.

"What? Why?"

"Just—" She sighed and grabbed his hands anyway. He watched her bring them to her mouth then blow hot air to warm them up. Then she held his left hand in her right and shoved them into the coat pocket, after that continued walking, pulling him along.

"You're just looking for an excuse to hold my hand," he teased, making her smile. He didn't know why she didn't make a comeback like she normally would, but he decided not to question and just enjoy the little moment while it lasted.

.

.

.

"I got you something," Harry said as soon as they stepped into their cozy little living room.

"You did?"

He replied to her with a nod, smirking at how excited she looked. "Yeah, wait here, I'll be right back."

Harry grabbed Y/N's arms as he gently pushed her down on the sofa before running off to his bedroom. Y/N didn't have to wait for too long since Harry returned less than a minute later, with something hidden behind his back. She immediately rose from her seat to come stand in front of him.

"Promise me you won't laugh," he said, and she gave him her words, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth as she couldn't wait any longer.

"Here ya go!"

"A CD?" She looked up at him through her lashes and then at the object in his hands. Harry didn't do that very often, giving stuff to a girl (or caring about one enough to give them anything), so it was obviously impossible for him to do it without blushing like an idiot, which she found extremely adorable.

"I...didn't know what to buy so I made you a Christmas playlist. Nobody listens to CDs anymore but—"

"I love it! Thank you!" She cut him off by pulling him into a hug, which was something he hadn't expected. So as he hugged her back, he was floating on air. She was the first to pull away but he didn't remove his hands from her hips (not that she would mind anyway).

"I'm going to play this for the entire day tomorrow!" She waved the CD in front of his face while grinning from ear to ear. He didn't know why she was so happy, it was just a CD. He had thought she would be so disappointed. Anyway, seeing that smile on her face made him feel fantastic!

"I also got you something, but it's not as cool...In fact, it kinda sucks."

"What is it?" He raised an eyebrow, feeling curious.

Y/N took a deep breath then walked back to get her backpack lying on the sofa. She pulled out a red sweater with a huge Santa Claus' head printed on the front, and the words 'Merry Christmas' on the back. He couldn't help but snort once he saw it.

"What?" He shrugged when she gave him a funny look. "You didn't tell me not to laugh!"

"I didn't know what to get you because you were so hard to please. So...I tried to think of something you didn't have already, and that would be an embarrassing Christmas sweater! Everyone has at least one in their closet, except for you, and I knew that because you made fun of mine when you saw it once." She clasped her hands together as he approached, looking very amused by her crazy idea.

"You're ridiculous," he told her while shaking his head.

She gave him a smile in return. "Thank you. I'm also a genius."

"Alright, genius." He stole the sweater from her hands and put on a big grin. "Thank you."

She didn't say anything else, just gazing at him, as if waiting for something. He wanted to do something, he really did. But instead he just looked right back at her.

They were happy.

He didn't want it to change. He wanted to keep her in his life, even if it meant he had to see her with someone else eventually. It would be better than to have her hate him when he broke her heart, unintentionally or not.

"I also got something else for ya," she spoke softly, breaking the silence between the two. Without waiting for him to ask, Y/N pulled out a mistletoe from the sweater pocket to hold it up above their heads.

"Merry Christmas," she said, and without warning, tiptoed to kiss him on the cheek. They both froze when she pulled away quickly. Her lips didn't stay on his skin for more than a second, but he could already feel his whole face heated up.

Harry thought he should say something as he ran over all these lines inside his head. However, what actually came out was, "where did you get the mistletoe?"

The fact that he wondered where she'd got it and not why she'd kissed him made her giggle. He wasn't thinking straight though, it was the best he could do.

"Stole it at the show," she answered, smiling timidly. When she was sure he wasn't going to speak, she carried on with what she'd been wanting to say that whole night. "That was me saying thank you...It really means a lot to me that you decided to stay here instead of going home."

"I already told you it—"

"I know the truth, H. Gemma told me."

"She did?" Harry's jaw dropped immediately. "Wha—What did she say?"

"She said you thought I might be lonely so you wanted to stay here with me."

"Oh, okay." On the bright side, Gemma didn't tell Y/N he was secretly in love with her. If she had, he would never have looked at his sister's face again!

"Well," he began with a happy sigh. "As long as we're still living together, you won't ever have to spend a Christmas alone."

"You won't either. You have my words." She promised him. She didn't have to, but she did, and Harry could swear he had never felt more happy. "I'm...I'm gonna go change and listen to your CD now..."

She took a few awkward steps back, and he did the same.

"I'm gonna...put on your sweater...and go to bed."

"Sure."

"Great."

"Perfect."

"Bye!"

They both turned their backs to each other at the same time and retreated to their rooms in a flash. It was not until each door was finally closed, were they finally able to breathe again.

.

.

.

"What the fuck, Layla?"

"Look at your face, Harold! You're so jealous it's hilarious!"

Harry was woken up by the loud meowing of his cat in the living room. He slowly opened his eyes to find the video on his laptop still replaying. He'd asked Layla to send it to him that night after Y/N's show just so he could watch it again whenever he was bored and missing her.

Sighing, Harry paused the video as he rolled out of bed and dragged his heavy feet to the living room. Treasure was probably messing with the Christmas lights again, that afternoon he'd had to untangle her from those strings. She was a very naughty cat, but an angel whenever Y/N was around.

"Treasure, what are y—" Harry's entire body turned to stone the second he opened the bedroom door. It was not just Treasure that he found in the living room, it was also Y/N, sitting on the floor trying to free the kitty from the light strings wrapped around her little legs.

At first he thought he was only dreaming, but then Y/N turned to look at him with the same sweet smile he loved so dearly.

She said, "I left her with you for a few days and came home to see her tied up."

"She did it on her own, I swear," he argued, pointing at the cat. "But don't worry, the lights run on battery. She won't be electrocuted."

Y/N raised both eyebrows at her boyfriend then turned back to Treasure, who was now freed from those light strings. "Next time, if mummy goes somewhere, you're coming along."

Harry released a chuckle as he comes to sit down next to his girlfriend on the floor. He held her head with both of his hands then starts showering her face with quick kisses, as if he hadn't seen her in decades and not only just a couple days.

"I missed you so much, love," He said, pecking her lips several times. His affection made her happy but also amused.

"I missed you too, very much." She took his hands and brought them to her heart. "That's why I came home early, I couldn't let you be alone on Christmas."

"But what about your job?"

"Well, long story short." She pursed her lips and exhaled deeply to begin, "I managed to find that fortune teller, paid her some cash so she would convince the other firm to move the meeting one day earlier. Then I got to the airport but all seats on the earliest flights had been sold out, I ended up lying to a stranger that my wife was in labor and I had to go home or else she would file a divorce. She felt pity for me and we exchanged our tickets so I could get on an earlier flight. Now I'm home with you! Christmas miracles!"

Harry looked pretty impressed by his girlfriend's story. While he'd been at home cleaning, sleeping, and being bullied by their cat, she'd actually went on quite an adventure!

"So you lied to a bunch of people from all the way across the world to come home with me on Christmas Eve?" He chuckled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "That's my girl."

"Promised you I wouldn't ever leave you alone on Christmas, didn't I?"

"That I remember." He laughed quietly, resting his forehead against hers.

"Also..." she trailed off then showed him the mistletoe she'd had in her pocket this entire time. "Our little tradition."

He shook his head with a smile on his face, thinking what a kid she was, but wasn't that one of the reasons why he loved her?

"No need to ask. This time I stole it from the lobby," she spoke before he could.

And he just had to kiss her now. The anticipation was killing him. He scooted closer, hands on the back of her neck, sucking gently on her pink lips, trying to make up for their lost time. That one kiss was slow and passionate and might leave them breathless when they pulled apart, but they were too into it to care if they might pass out at the end.

"It's so good to be home," she whispered, feeling him smile against her mouth.

Harry still believed Christmas was a family occasion and that everyone should spend it with the people they loved. So now his Christmas was complete, he'd got everything he needed right there with him — his missus, their cat, and kisses under the mistletoe.

[foreverwayward]

“Wayward Hearts” Season 3 Chapter 7: A Very Supernatural Christmas

Summary: After the Devil’s Gate had been opened that fateful night in the graveyard, the hunters are forced to face a new war. Countless demons now run rampant, hungry for blood and power. It’ll take everything the three have to survive when darkness once again knocks on their door. But, with only a year before Dean’s deal comes due, Sam and Riley will stop at nothing to save him; to save their family.

Masterlist

Word Count: 10,866 (yup. this one got long)

Content Warning: language and violence

DISCLAIMER: any words or phrases in bold in the story are not my own and are credited to the writers of Supernatural.

**GIFS ARE NOT MY OWN**

The weather in Ypsilanti, Michigan would never have anyone believe it was late December. There was no chill in the air, no snow on the ground. 

A little girl with blonde hair stood motionless and sad at the window as Riley and Dean spoke with her mother on the front porch. The woman had almost identical hair to her daughter and her face was worn and tired. Her husband had disappeared without a trace only days before Christmas. The family had their home fully decorated for the season. Poinsettias, a large nutcracker, wreaths, and lights lined the porch. 

Through the open door, the hunters could see a large tree in the foyer of the home that twinkled as though everything was as it should be.

Posing as FBI agents, Riley and Dean questioned the mother to find out all they could about the missing man.

“So, what exactly happened, Mrs. Walsh?” Riley asked.

“Um, my daughter and I were in our beds. Mike was downstairs decorating the tree. I heard a thump on the roof and then I--I heard Mike scream.” The worried wife stared down at the ground in disbelief as tears welled in her eyes. “And now I’m talking to the FBI.”

Taking notes of the interview, Dean still took part in the questioning. “And you didn't see any of it?”

“No, he was--he was just gone. The doors were locked and my parents are the only ones with a key to the house, but they live in Florida.”

Riley could feel the woman’s agonizing concern and lost herself in her sad eyes as her empathic abilities sucked her in.

Dean scanned around the porch once more. “And no sign of forced entry?”

“That’s right.”

With his hands in his slacks, Sam walked out of the house and half-smiled at the victim’s wife. “Thanks for letting me have a look around, Mrs. Walsh. I think we, uh--got just about everything we need. We’re all set.”

“We’ll be in touch,” Dean added. After noticing Riley, he cleared his throat to snap her out of her trance-like state. 

Immediately, it was as if she was grounded back into her body and Riley tried to compose herself. The three turned to walk down the steps with a quick nod to Mrs. Walsh.

“Agents…” the woman called out and the hunters stopped to turn back toward her. “The police said my husband might have been kidnapped. But, if that’s true, why haven’t the kidnappers called? Or--or demanded a ransom? It’s three days ‘til Christmas. What am I supposed to tell our daughter?”

Still reeling from her connection to Mrs. Walsh, Riley bit her lip trying to control her emotions. “We’re so sorry.” Moving on with the Winchesters, they all resumed their walk to the car as the woman turned to go back inside. Riley sighed heavily before saying, “Sam, please tell me you found something.”

“Stocking, mistletoe...this...” Sam replied as he pulled something out of his pocket to give to Dean.

It was a human tooth. “A tooth? Where was this?” Dean examined it more closely as Riley released her hair from its bun trying not to let it all get the best of her.

“In the chimney.”

“Chimney? No way a man fits up a chimney. It’s too narrow.”

Riley took a deep breath as a horrible thought crossed her mind and she shared it with the boys. “Not in one piece at least.”

“Alright, so, if dad went up the chimney--”

“We need to find out what dragged him up there,” Sam said finishing his brother’s sentence.

------

In their motel room, Sam sat at his computer researching while Riley pinned their printed pictures, lore, local history and more up on the walls. The wallpaper was a dark beige with ivy plants covering it, so she was happy to cover some of it up.

Dean walked into the room carrying a brown paper bag. “So, was I right? Is it the serial-killing chimney sweep?”

“Oh, yeah,” Riley replied sarcastically. “We’re looking for Dick Van Dyke.”

As he put down the bag, Dean looked back at her in confusion. “Who?”

Sam smiled at his question and tried to help him. “...Mary Poppins?”

“Who’s that?”

Riley and Sam shared a look of humor before the Winchester chuckled. “Oh come on--never mind,” he said giving up on the pointless conversation with a wave of his hand.

“Sam, remind me to make this guy watch a Disney movie at some point,” Riley teased as she pinned up pictures of what looked like different types of demons.

Ignoring their encounter, Dean went back on topic as he went to greet Riley with a quick kiss. “Well, it turns out that Walsh is the second guy in town grabbed out of his house this month.”

“Another guy got pulled up his chimney?”

“Don’t know. Witnesses said they heard a thump on the roof.” Dean took off his jacket and shrugged before Sam and Riley gestured the same in response. “So, what the hell do you think we're dealing with?”

“Actually, Rye and I have an idea.”

“Yeah?”

Finally finishing her task, Riley joined Sam at the table and smirked at Dean. “You’re gonna think it’s crazy.”

“What could you possibly say that sounds crazy to me?”

Sam and Riley both chuckled before the Winchester smiled up at his brother. “Um...evil Santa.”

Dean paused and then nodded in agreeance. “Yeah, that’s crazy.”

“Yeah…I mean, I’m just saying that there’s some version of the anti-Claus in every culture.” Sam pointed to some of their findings on the table and Dean took them to get a closer look. “You got Belsnickel, Krampus, Black Peter. Whatever you want to call it, there’s all sorts of lore.”

“Saying what?”

“Well,” Riley started as she looked down at her notes. “Some of it says that back in the day, Santa had a brother--that he went dark-side though and he also shows up around Christmas time. But, this guy didn’t bring you goodies, he punished you for being on the naughty list basically.”

“By hauling their ass up chimneys?”

“That’s just some of it, but yeah.”

“So, this is your theory, huh? Santa’s shady brother? I mean, Santa doesn’t have a brother. There is no Santa.”

Sam scoffed before replying, “yeah, I know. You’re the one who told me that in the first place, remember?” He looked at Dean who glanced down almost looking like he felt guilty. “Yeah, you know what, we could be wrong. I mean,” Sam sighed as he shut his laptop. “We gotta be wrong.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” When his partners looked at him quizzically, Dean grabbed some papers with his own findings. “I did a little digging. Turns out both victims visited the same place before they got snatched.”

“Where?”

------

A beat-up sign reading, ‘Welcome to Santa’s Village’ hung over the entryway of a large lot. Inside, Christmas music played as employees wandered around in cheesy costumes of elves, reindeer, and snowmen. Cheap lights hung from a red building labeled, ‘Elves Station’ and evergreen trees were being sold toward the back. 

Children were running around playing as  if the cheap lot was a magical Winter Wonderland.

The three walked in and they all glanced in different directions before Dean said, “You know, all this Christmas talk? I think we should have one.”

“Have one what?” Sam asked.

“A Christmas.”

With a surprised look, Riley replied, “really? I mean, we haven’t done one before.”

“No, thanks,” the younger brother scoffed through a chuckle.

“No, we’ll get a tree, a little Boston market, just like when we were little, Sammy. But, this time…” Dean said with a smile before putting an arm around Riley, “it’ll be the three of us.”

“Dean, those weren’t exactly Hallmark memories for me, you know.”

“What are you talking about? We had some great Christmases.”

Sam’s face fell as he grew slightly more serious. “Whose childhood are you talking about?”

All of a sudden, Riley felt Sam’s energy change. There was a sadness in him that felt old and like it had always been ingrained in him. She tried to focus on him, hoping she could understand.

Stopping mid-walk, Dean turned to his little brother. “Oh, come on, Sam.”

“No! Just…no.”

Dean looked surprised and somewhat shocked as he turned with Riley to keep going. “Alright, ya fuckin’ Grinch.”

As they both walked away, Sam stood still. His attention went to a small, almost cartoon-like, reindeer statue and he looked uncomfortable. 

Riley glanced over her shoulder to watch her brother with curiosity.

------

Broken Bow, Nebraska

Christmas Eve, 1991

On a thick television set, in a worn motel room, reindeers pulled Santa’s sleigh across the sky. It was the movie ‘A Year Without Santa Clause’. 

The walls were cracked, left uncared for for years with filthy carpet to match. It smelt of mothballs and the takeout the boys had gotten since John left.

An eight-year-old Sam sat on the floor in front of the set, wrapping a gift in newspaper. Dean, no more than twelve-years-old, stood looking out the front window watching the snow fall.

The older brother noticed Sam and turned to ask, “what is that?”

“A present for Dad.”

Dean scoffed. “Yeah, right. Where’d you get the money? Steal it?”

“No. Uncle Bobby gave it to me to give to him--said it was real special.” As Sam continued to wrap his gift, Dean sat next to him on the couch and began to read a magazine. The little Winchester looked up with a face of worry. “Dad’s gonna be here, right? It’s Christmas.”

“He knows and he’ll be here. Promise.”

“Where is he anyway?” As young children do, Sam had so many questions. And with John gone, the only one to answer them was his big brother, Dean.

Dean hated when Sam got curious about their lives. Not because he found it annoying as much as he was running out of lies to tell him. “On business.”  

“What kind of business?”

“You know that,” Dean replied with a worried look as he fumbled through the car magazine in his hands. “He sells stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“Stuff.”

“Nobody ever tells me anything,” Sam said sadly.

Rolling his eyes, Dean stood with a huff and walked back towards his bed. “Then quit asking.”

The bed was covered in garbage and food-wrappers and Dean shoved it off to make room for himself. He sat down and continued to browse the publication.

Sam kneeled on the couch to lean on the back of it and looked at his brother. “Is Dad a spy?”

“Mm-hmm,” Dean snarked. “He’s James Bond.”

“Why do we move around so much?”

It was around that time that Dean was beginning to get frustrated with the barrage of questions. “’Cause everywhere we go, they get sick of your face.”

“I’m old enough, Dean. You can tell me the truth.”

Dean looked up to meet Sam’s gaze. ”You don’t wanna know the truth. Believe me.”

“Is that why we never talk about…Mom?” Sam asked meekly.

Dean immediately tossed the magazine away in anger and stood up before yelling. “Shut up! Don’t you ever talk about Mom, ever!” Grabbing his jacket, he went for the door.

Little Sam was scared to be alone and cried out, “wait, where are you going?”

“Out.” Slamming the door behind him, Dean disappeared into the snowy night.  

Sam sat in silence with a look of brokenness in his eyes, Alone and confused, the young Winchester peered back at the holiday special on TV. He wondered if there would ever be a year that he could have a real Christmas like the other kids; one where he felt the magic of the holidays and not the loneliness of a dusty motel room.

-----

The memory had taken Sam back to a time he had long wished to forget. His childhood was painful, and it made him resentful of the holidays. Maybe, had John been around, things would have been different. Or maybe the drinking would have only made it worse. In the end, Sam realized it didn’t matter which way things had gone; he and Dean would always end up right where they were.

Dean had already looked around with Riley and they had made it back to where they had left Sam. “You’d think with the ten fuckin’ bucks it costs to get into this place, Santa could scrounge up a little snow.”

“Wait,” Riley interjected. “We spent thirty bucks to get into the saddest North Pole ever? What a ripoff.”

Sam pulled himself from his memories without hearing either of them. “What?”

Those feelings Riley was picking up on earlier were still there if not stronger. Her brother was hurting and she knew it, but there was no way he’d tell Dean. So, Riley reached out for Sam to whisper into his thoughts. “What’s going on, Sam? You okay?”

As he heard her voice in his mind, his eyes went for hers. “Yeah...I’m good.” His tone was sad and flat, only she decided not to push with Dean around.

“So, what are we looking for, again?” Dean asked, not knowing of their private conversation.

“Um…” Sam looked around the lot and tried to forget it all. “Lore says that the anti-Claus will walk with a limp and smell like sweets.”

“Great. So, we’re looking for a pimp Santa. Why the sweets?”

Riley gave Dean a knowing look. “Well, if you smell like candy, the kids will come flocking, ya know?”

“That’s creepy.” Dean’s comment brought out a chuckle from his partners. “How does this thing know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice?”

“No clue.”

The family had continued on only to see a man wearing a Santa costume sitting outside a small barn. It was poorly decorated to appear as if it belonged in the North Pole with nearly no children in line to meet Santa. 

Sitting on a red chair, was ‘Santa’. His voice was gruff and he didn’t even wear the beard properly as it hung beneath his chin. 

There was nothing about him that didn’t make the hunters feel uncomfortable and their faces showed it. Sam, Riley, and Dean watched as a little boy sat on Santa’s lap.

“You been a good boy this year? ‘Cause Santa’s got a special gift for you,” the man cackled creepily, causing the boy’s mom to grab his arm and pull him away from the disgusting Santa.

Riley scrunched her face feeling the discomfort in the air. “Ugh. Please don’t tell me that Pervy Santa isn’t our guy.”

An adorable young woman with brunette hair and dressed as an elf went to the hunters with a smile on her face. “Welcome to Santa’s court. Can I escort your child to Santa?”

“Uh…” Sam uttered awkwardly.

“No. No. Uh--but actually my brother here…” Dean smiled as he put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “...it's been a lifelong dream of his.”

Riley could suddenly hear the girl’s thoughts and they made her chortle through her nose. 

“What is wrong with this freak?” Finally speaking out loud, the elf turned to Sam with an uneasy look. “Uh--sorry. No kids over...uh--twelve.”

“No, he’s just kidding,” Sam tried to fix what his brother had done only to make it worse. “We only came here to watch.”

The elf looked at Dean who just shook his head and she hurried away. “Ew.”

Sam groaned to himself before he yelled out to her as she walked away. “I--I didn’t mean that we came here to wa--we--” He glared at Dean who was laughing. “Thanks a lot, Dean. Thanks for that.”

“Really, Sam…” Riley teased. “They’re children.” 

Dean high-fived her at her joke and Sam just rolled his eyes. 

When she looked back up at the Santa, he was leaving his chair, walking with a bad limp. “Uh--you guys seeing this?” 

The man slowly passed the hunters, their eyes never leaving him.

“A lot of people walk with limps, right?” Sam shrugged.

“Tell me you didn’t smell that. That was candy, man.”

Wafting the smell away from her face, Riley shook her head with a look of disgust. “Ugh. More like cherry schnapps...or Ripple.”

Dean chuckled as he replied, “well, you might be right. But we willing to take that chance?”

------

That night, inside the Impala, Riley and the Winchesters sat in front of a trailer near the woods. There was a small string of colored Christmas lights lining the roof with a fir tree directly next to the old car parked out front.

Leaning on the driver’s door, Dean yawned through his words. “What time is it?”

“Same as the last time you asked. Here…” Sam reached from the backseat to hand Dean a thermos. “Caffeinate.”

Dean took the canister from him and tried to pour coffee into his cup. The thermos was completely empty and the older brother groaned. “Wonderful.”

As she too yawned, Riley had been staring at the man’s house. Without looking away she asked, “kinda reminds you of the van you were told to stay away from as a kid, huh?”

Both of the Winchesters laughed before silence fell over the car. 

Dean smiled and scoffed as he shifted to face Sam. “Hey, Sam. Why are you the boy that hates Christmas?”

“Dean…” Sam groaned under his breath.

“I mean, I admit it. You know, we had a few bumpy holidays when we were kids…”

“Bumpy?”

“That was then. We’ll do it right this year.”

“Look, Dean. If you want to have Christmas, knock yourself out. Just don’t involve me.”

Dean looked at his brother in disbelief before he glanced over to Riley. “Fine. Guess it’ll just me and Rye making the cranberry molds.”

Unsure of why Dean had been so adamant about having Christmas, Riley could only half smile at his offer.

As they returned to watching the house, the filthy Santa from earlier stood in his window. Still in his red cap, but in a dirty and stained white tank top, he looked outside before closing his curtains.

“What’s up with Saint Nicotine?” Dean asked.

The sound of a woman shouting came from inside the trailer and the three jumped out of the car. Running toward the house, they drew their guns and readied themselves at the door.

Sam let out a breathy chuckle making Dean turn to him. “What?”

“Nothing,” the young Winchester answered. “It’s just that, uh--well, you know, Mr. Gung Ho Christmas might have to blow away Santa.”

Dean gave his brother an annoyed look while Riley tried to hide the smirk crawling up her face. 

Quickly opening the door, they all went inside but stopped in their tracks as they looked around. Santa was sitting on the couch, holding a giant bong and a bottle of whiskey. He stood and the hunters quickly hid their guns.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” the Santa slurred in his drunken stupor.

Their eyes all went to the old TV set that was playing a cheap Christmas porno. 

“Why don’t you mistle my toe? Roast my chestnut--egg my nog…”

Trying to control their urge to laugh, Sam just shrugged at the man without an answer to his question. 

Riley suddenly had an idea and began to sing. “Silent night, holy night…” She nudged the boys who began to sing terribly along. Neither knew the words and were completely tone deaf.

“All is well…all is dry. Round and round…” Sam and Dean tried to sing along and stumbled as they failed to match Riley’s lyrics. “...the table.”

Though they sounded like a train wreck, Santa sat down to watch them and grinned with amusement. 

Riley’s hands both reached for the brothers’ jackets as she tugged them towards the door with a smile on her face. She kept singing as Sam and Dean stumbled out with her.

------

After another man had been taken from his home, the hunters had gone to the new victim’s house. It too was fully decorated and full of the Christmas spirit aside from the crying wife. Sam, Dean, and Riley were dressed in their suits as they interviewed the woman.

“So, that’s how your son described the attack?” Dean questioned. “Santa took daddy up the chimney?”

The woman had curly dirty-blonde hair with a large bruise over her right eye. “That’s what he says, yes.”

“And where were you?”

“I was asleep and all of a sudden…” she sniffled and her eyes were cast down as they darted back and forth at the memory. “I was being dragged out of bed, screaming.”

Trying not to get sucked into the emotions of yet another grieving wife, Riley focused on her breathing as she had trouble getting her question out. “Mrs.--Mrs. Caldwell, did, uh--did you happen to see your attacker?”

She shook her head and folded her arms. “It was dark and he hit me. He knocked me out.”

Riley swallowed hard, still fighting her empathic abilities. “I’m so sorry.”

“Mrs. Caldwell,” Sam started as he looked above her. “Where--where did you get that wreath above the fireplace?”

Dean and Riley turned to where he had pointed as did Mrs. Caldwell who stood dumbfounded.

“Excuse me?”

The others stared at Sam waiting for an answer but the Winchester just smiled and shrugged, feeling embarrassed. “Just curious, you know.”

After the interview had finished, the three walked through the overly decorated front yard of the home. There were twig shaped reindeer, lit up trees, and angels that glowed.

“Wreaths, huh?” Dean’s eyebrow hooked as he glanced to Sam. “Sure you didn’t want to ask her about her shoes? I saw some nice handbags in the foyer.”

Sam scoffed. “We’ve seen that wreath before, Dean.”

They had reached Baby when Riley stopped and turned to Sam. “You’re right.”

“He is?” Dean asked in surprise.

“Yeah. We saw the exact one at the Walshes’.”

Dean nodded, faking his knowledge of their findings. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. I was just testing you guys.”

------

Riley was at the small kitchenette sink of their motel room making a pot of coffee while Dean went over more lore at the coffee table. Sam walked around the room with his phone to his ear as he wrapped up his call with Bobby.

“Yeah, alright. Well, keep looking, would you? Thanks, Bobby.” Sam hung up with a sigh and went back to the table to sit in front of his laptop. “Well…we’re not dealing with the anti-Claus.”

“Really?” Riley asked as she brought Sam a fresh cup of coffee.

“Thanks,” he said with a smile. “But, uh--yeah. Bobby says we’re fucking morons.” Sam chuckled and the others smirked knowing that was typical Bobby. “He also said that it was probably meadowsweet in those wreaths.”

“Wow. Amazing,” Dean answered flatly and sarcastically. “What the fuck is meadowsweet?”

“It’s pretty rare and it’s probably the most powerful plant in pagan lore.”

Dean tilted his head up to kiss Riley as she gave him his mug. “So, pagan lore?”

“Yeah. See, they used meadowsweet for human sacrifice. It was kind of like a...chum for their gods. Gods were drawn to it and they’d stop by and snack on whatever was the nearest human.”

As Riley sat next to Dean, she blew to cool her hot beverage. “But with Christmas wreaths? Why?”

“It's not as crazy as it sounds. I mean, pretty much every Christmas tradition is pagan.”

“Christmas is Jesus’s birthday,” Dean rebutted.

With her boots kicked off, Riley sat crisscrossed as she sipped her coffee. She made a sound of disagreement through her drink. “Actually, Jesus was probably born during the fall. The winter solstice festival was co-opted by the Catholics and rebranded as ‘Christmas’. And it’s kind of the whole shebang--the Yule log, the tree, even the fat man’s red suit--all leftovers from pagan worship.”

Sam nodded with an impressed look and Dean appeared slightly taken back. “Sometimes I forget how fuckin’ smart you are. But, come on, what are you gonna tell me next? Easter bunny’s Jewish?” Riley smiled as Dean scooted closer to put his hand on her thigh. “So, Sam, you think we’re gonna dealing with a pagan god?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “Probably Hold Nickar, god of the winter solstice.”

“And all these Martha Stewart wannabes, buying these fancy wreaths…”

“Yeah, it’s pretty much like putting a neon sign on your front door saying ‘come kill us’.”

Still sipping at her drink, Riley’s brow hooked. “Damn. Not even your Christmas décor is safe.”

The younger brother scrolled through the webpage and scoffed a laugh under his breath. “Huh. When you sacrifice to Hold Nickar, guess what he gives you in return?”

“Lap dances, hopefully,” Dean joked as Riley smiled with a soft chuckle.

“Mild weather.”

Dean looked out the window saying, “like no snow in the middle of December in the middle of Michigan.”

“For instance.”

“Okay, so the question is how to the hell do we kill it?”

“Don’t know. Bobby’s working on that right now. We got to figure out where they’re selling those wreaths.”

Sitting up to look at Sam, Riley asked, “wait, do we think someone’s selling these on purpose? Basically feeding this thing?”

With a heavy exhale Sam shrugged. “Let’s find out.”

------

The bell above the door jingled as Sam, Riley, and Dean walked into a small Christmas shop. ‘Deck the Halls’ was playing and the entire store was covered from wall to wall in decorations. It smelt of wood and cinnamon with hints of pine.

An older gentleman in glasses and white hair stood behind a glass counter. “Can I help you, kids?”

��Uh--hope so,” Dean answered with a grin. “Uh--we were playing Jenga over at the Walshes’ the other night, and, uh--well,” the older brother gestured to Sam. “He hasn’t shut up since about this Christmas wreath, and…” Looking at Sam, he shot him a teasing look. “I don’t know, you tell him.”

Sam’s annoyance with his brother was hard to contain as he replied, “...sure.” He cleared his throat and turned to the shopkeeper before giving him a tight-lipped smile. “...it was yummy.”

“I sell a lot of wreaths, guys.” The man looked at the three while curious and unsure.

“Right, right, but--but you see, this one would have been really special. It had, uh, it had, uh--green leaves, um...white buds on it. It might have been made of, uh…meadowsweet?”

The shopkeeper sighed. “Well, aren’t you a fussy one?”

Sam looked frustrated and embarrassed but Riley and Dean tried to control their laughter before Dean told the shopkeeper, “oh, he is…” 

As he laughed, Sam’s eyes sat on his brother with frustration.

“Anyway, I know the one you’re talking about. I’m all out.”

Realizing that Dean was going to make the trip mostly about giving Sam a hard time, Riley butted in. “Isn’t meadowsweet pretty rare? I mean, it’s gotta be expensive. What made you want to make wreaths out of it?”

“Well, I didn't make them.”

“Oh, uh--who did?”

“Madge Carrigan--a local lady. She said the wreaths were so special, she gave them to me for free.”

“Wait...she didn’t charge you for them?”

“Nope.”

Riley looked at the man with skepticism. “So...you gave them away?”

“Hell no,” the shopkeeper scoffed. “It’s Christmas. People pay a butt-load for this crap.”

With a smile and a nod, Dean added, “that’s the spirit.”

------

Dean flicked on the light of their room as the three walked back inside. “How much do you think a meadowsweet wreath would cost?”

“A couple hundred dollars, at least,” Sam answered.

The family all took off their jackets to put them on the couch before going to sit on their beds. 

Riley leaned down and began to unlace her boots. “This lady is just handing out expensive wreaths like that? I mean, definitely sounds suspicious.”

With another happy memory hitting Dean, he smiled and turned to Sam. “Remember that wreath Dad brought home that one year?”

Sam’s brow scrunched not understanding Dean’s joy in the recollection. “You mean the one he stole from, like--a liquor store?”

“Yeah,” he beamed with a smile from ear to ear. “It was a bunch of empty beer cans. That thing was great. I bet if I looked around hard enough, I could probably find one just like it.”

Sighing to himself, Sam shook. “Alright. Dude…what’s going on with you?”

“What?”

“I mean, since when are you Bing Crosby all of a sudden? Why do you want Christmas so bad?”

Riley scooted back to rest against the headboard with her knees bent. “You gonna tell us why you’ve been so against it, Sam? I’ve been feeling it ever since we got on this case. Did things just kinda suck during the holidays when you were a kid?”

“No, that has nothing to do with it.”

Digging even further, Dean questioned, “then what?

“I--I mean, I--I just...I don’t get it. You haven’t talked about Christmas in years.”

Dean paused before shrugging. “Well, yeah. This is my last year.”

Silence fell over the room as Sam and Riley’s hearts sank at the realization. 

Riley wondered how she could have not remembered that Dean wouldn’t be around for any more of their Christmases It was then that Riley knew how deeply in denial she was over his time being nearly up. She could feel the tears forming and she cleared her throat before practically jumping off the bed. “I’m gonna go take a shower.” 

Before Dean could say anything, Riley hurried off to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Quickly, she turned on the shower and began to cry. The hunter leaned against the wall before sliding down to the floor. She put her hand over her mouth to stifle her cries and began to sob. 

That Christmas would just serve as a reminder that the memories they had already made, would be all they would ever get.

Sam and Dean sat in the quiet, not sure what to say. 

That’s when Sam looked up to Dean as he tried to hide the pain he was in. “I know it’s your last, Dean. That’s why I can’t do it.”

“What do you mean?”

The young hunter’s eyes grew red and welled. “I mean I can’t just sit around, drinking eggnog, pretending everything’s okay when I know next Christmas you’ll be dead.” Dean only nodded at what Sam had said. “To be honest, I don’t know if Riley can either. Dean, I--I just can’t.”

Realizing the sadness in Sam’s voice, Dean nodded once again and dropped the subject. With no words left to say, Sam and Dean sat on their beds with their heads hung; Christmas lights twinkling through the window.  

------

Christmas Eve 1991

Sam sat on the couch reading a comic book as the snow outside the window continued to fall. He turned to the sound of the door opening as Dean walked inside with a bag of groceries.

“Thought you went out.”

“Yeah, to get you dinner.” Dean tossed his little brother a bag of food. “Don’t forget your vegetables,” he added with a smile as he threw him a bag of Funyuns. Dean took off his jacket and sat down on his bed before opening a soda can.

Determined to be done with the secrets, Sam sat across from Dean. “I know why you keep a gun under your pillow.”

Dean lifted his pillow to make sure his little brother hadn’t taken his pistol to see it unmoved. “No, you don’t. Stay out of my stuff.”

“And I know why we lay salt down everywhere we go.”

“No, you don’t.” Though Dean sounded angry, it was worry. Sam couldn’t know the truth yet, he wasn’t ready to know. “Shut up.”

Sam turned around and grabbed something from underneath his bed. It was a leather book and the Winchester tossed it onto the nightstand between their beds. It was John’s journal.

Standing up, almost in shock that Sam had the book, Dean  stared down at his brother. “Where’d you get that? That’s Dad’s! He’s gonna kick your ass for reading that.”

The littlest Winchester met his brother’s gaze without fear. “Are monsters real?”

“What? You’re crazy.”

“Tell me.”

Dean bit his lip in uncertainty and hesitation. He glanced down at the book and then back to Sam. “I swear, if you ever tell Dad I told you any of this, I will end you.”

“Promise.”

As the older brother sat back down, he sighed and rubbed his thighs nervously. “Well, the first thing you have to know is we have the coolest dad in the world. He’s a superhero.”

“He is?” A small smile grew on Sam’s face.

“Yeah. Monsters are real--Dad fights them. He’s fighting them right now.”

“But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren’t real.”

Dean half-laughed at the thought. “That’s ’cause he had already checked under there. But, yeah, they’re real. Almost everything’s real.”

With the innocent eyes of an eight-year-old boy, Sam asked, “...is Santa real?”

Smiling and shaking his head, Dean replied, “no.”

There was a pause as Sam grew sad and his head fell. It was at that moment that Sam’s innocence was gone. Though he didn’t know it, in listening to his brother that night, Sam’s life changed forever. “If monsters are real, then they could get us. They could get me.”

“Dad’s not gonna let them get you.”

“But what if they get him?”

“They aren’t gonna get Dad. Dad’s, like...the best.”

“...I read in Dad’s book that they got Mom.”

Dean exhaled sharply not sure what to say. “It’s complicated, Sam.”

His little brother’s voice broke as his fear and anxiety grew. “If they got Mom, they can get Dad. And if they get Dad, they can get us.”

“It’s not like that.” Dean got up to sit next to Sam on his bed, trying to comfort him as best he could. “Okay? Dad’s fine. We’re fine. Trust me.” Still seeing the fear in his little brother’s eyes, Dean put a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Sam whispered as he looked away to hide the tears growing in his eyes.  

“Hey, Dad’s gonna be here for Christmas. Just like he always is.”

With his lip trembling, Sam refused to face his brother. ashamed of his tears. “I just want to go to sleep, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Dean’s voice was soft with guilt. He had dreaded the day that he would have to ruin Sam’s childhood and it weighed heavily on him. 

Sam laid down on the bed and cried quietly to himself but Dean never left his side. “It’ll all be better when you wake up.” 

Trying to be quiet, Sam began to sob. 

“You’ll see, Sam. ...promise.”

------

Cheery Christmas music played on the outside of a large white house with decorations everywhere. A lit up snowman, a sleigh, poinsettias, lights, and bells filled the yard and porch. 

As the hunters got out of the Impala, they walked up the concrete path to the brick entrance.

“This is where Mrs. Wreath lives, huh? Can’t you just feel the evil pagan vibe?” Dean snarked before using the brass knocker on the door. With every click, jingle bells clanked from the strip of bells hanging from the handle.

A woman most likely in her late 60’s opened the door with a cheerful grin on her face. “Yes?” She was in an old fashioned pink dress with a white cardigan and matching pearls. Her hair was curled and set, pinned from her face.  

“Hi,” Riley began with a smile. “We were hoping you were the Madge Carrigan that made all those beautiful meadowsweet wreaths.”

“Why, yes I am.” Madge’s voice was sweet and full of high spirits.

“Oh, great! We actually were all admiring one of your wreaths at the Sylar’s place the other day.”

As Riley continued to sweet talk Mrs. Carrigan, Dean tried to peer into the home. 

Inside looked like the Santa himself lived there. There were countless collectibles, adornments of holly, a large gingerbread house on the table, and garland up the staircase. The strong smell of evergreen and freshly baked cookies wafted out the door.

“You were? Well, isn't that meadowsweet just the finest-smelling thing you ever smelled?”

Sam nodded in agreeance. “It is, it sure is. But, the problem is, is that all you wreaths had sold out before we got the chance to buy one.”

“Oh, fudge!”

“You wouldn’t have another one that we could buy from you, would you?” Dean asked.

“Oh, no, I’m afraid those were the only ones I had for this season.”

Riley glanced up at the boys with a look of disappointment. “Oh, darn it,” she feigned.

Mr. Carrigan came down the staircase in a cardigan with an old-fashioned pipe. He stood by his wife and smiled. The two of them looked far too picture-esque as if they had just time traveled from the 1950’s.

“What's going on, honey?” The man’s voice was just as upbeat and cheery as Madge’s.

She turned to him, her smile never falling. “Well, just some nice kids asking about my wreaths, dear.”

“Oh, the wreaths are fine. Fine wreaths. Oh, care for some peanut brittle?” Mr. Carrigan held out a small red tin filled with sweet treats.

As Dean reached out to take some, Riley slapped Dean’s hand away. “Thank you so much, but we’re okay.”

-------

Dean and Riley’s knives worked to sharpen wooden stakes as they sat on the beds. Five other wooden stakes sat at their feet and on the beds beside them. 

In front of his laptop, Sam kept researching until he clapped his hands in a moment of excitement at what he found.

“I knew it! Something was way off with those two.”

“I’m assuming that means you found something.” Riley dusted the wood shavings off her pants and onto the carpet below.

“The Carrigans lived in Seattle, last year, where two abductions took place right around Christmas. They moved here in January. All that Christmas shit in their house--that wasn’t boughs of holly. It was vervain and mint.”

She nodded. “Oof. That screams Pagan.”

“Really?” Dean asked. “‘Cause to me it sounds like the beginning of a well-seasoned recipe.”

“I gotta tell you guys, I wasn’t picking up on anything from them. Literally, nothing. That doesn’t usually happen unless we’re talking about something that isn’t human.”

“So, what, Ozzie and Harriet are keeping a pagan god hidden underneath their plastic-covered couch?”

“I don’t know. All I know is we gotta check them out.” Closing his laptop, Sam got up to inspect one of the stakes. “So, what about Bobby? He’s sure evergreen stakes will kill this thing, right?

Blowing off the dust from her last wooden creation, Riley looked at the sharp end of the stake. “Yup. Time to put down Mr. and Mrs. Christmas with a Christmas tree. Huh,” she paused. “That’s a weird sentence.”

------

Outside the Carrigan house once again, that night, the family stood on the front porch as Dean picked the lock. Riley and Sam kept the lookout and took stakes out of the older brother’s bag as ‘O Come All Ye Faithful’ played into the quiet neighborhood from the porch’s speakers.

Once inside, the hunters quietly moved through the house and into the family room. The Carrigan’s large tree sat in front of their main window;=, its lights lit as if waiting for Santa.

Dean pointed to the couch and whispered, “see? Plastic.” He shook his head disapprovingly and the others gave a judgmental look as well as they touched it. 

Riley could hear Dean’s thought as Sam walked a little ahead. “Jesus. Can you imagine having sex on this couch?”

Trying not to giggle, Riley replied, “oh, yeah. Think of how much your ass would stick to that thing.”

There were times where Riley being in Dean’s head still took him by surprise. He turned in her direction with a shake of his head as he mouthed, ‘no thank you’.

In the hall, Sam tried to keep his heavy boots quiet. He was surrounded by ornaments and snow globes as he walked into the kitchen. Plates filled with cookies, cakes, and other sweets lined the table.

To his right, Sam saw a door that led out of the kitchen and most likely into the basement. He clicked on his flashlight to point it at the lock to look more closely. It was open. 

“Guys…” he whispered.

Slowly, the hunters headed down the stairs, all with their flashlights shining in front of them. As Dean pointed his directly forward, he saw bones covered in blood sitting in a large bowl. Riley and the brothers looked around and realized the entire basement looked like a butchery room rather than a storage space. Blood, bones, and what looked like metal devices to inflict torture were strewn about the floor and countertops. 

A pair of bloody Santa boots and the matching bag, smelt of death as they sat on a box in the corner.

Sam had stumbled upon what looked like an electric wood saw with pieces of cut bone left behind. He scrunched his face in disgust with a groan before moving on. 

Nearby, Riley found a bag hanging from a hook on the wall. It was bloody and her curiosity drew her in. As she reached out to touch it, she gasped as the bag began to move with muffled cries. Someone was inside struggling to get free.

Riley jumped at the movement and sensed someone behind her. There was Madge. The woman grabbed Riley’s neck and lifted her off the ground. Softly yelping in surprise, Riley clutched at the hand around her throat.

“Riley!” Sam and Dean shouted in unison hearing her cry as they charged in her direction.

Pushing Riley up against a wall, Madge slammed Riley’s head hard into the brick, letting her drop to the ground. The evil woman slinked back into the shadows just as the brothers rushed around the large basement. 

Their lights lit up the way ahead of them, showing Riley lying on the ground and not moving.

Before Sam and Dean could reach her, Mr. Carrigan grabbed Sam’s arm and knocked his head against the wall. 

Dean turned at the sound, “Sam!” 

At that same moment, a large 2x4 was swung at Dean’s head by Mrs. Carrigan. 

With all the hunters down on the ground, the couple smiled.

------

The pagan’s kitchen was lit with candles next to several mortar bowls, knives, and hardware tools. Both Sam and Dean were tied to chairs back to back.

Once finally fully alert, but unable to see his siblings, Sam softly called, “Dean...Rye? You okay?”

Dean groaned as he pulled his head up. “I think so. Where’s Riley?”

“Over here…” Riley replied. 

The two looked over toward the sound of her voice to see her to a chair as well that sat firmly against the wall.

“You alright, sweetheart?”

“Aside from the pounding headache, yeah.” Her eyes squinted as she looked over to them.

Sam sighed. “So, I guess we’re dealing with Mr. and Mrs. God. Nice to know.”

Dressed in colorful Christmas-themed sweaters, the Carrigans walked into the kitchen practically beaming seeing the hunters awake.

“Speaking of the Yuletide douchebags…”

“Ooh, and here we thought you three lazybones were gonna sleep straight through all the fun stuff.” Madge giggled as she scurried across the floor to get things from the shelf.

Overly sarcastic no matter what the situation, Dean replied, “and miss all this? Nah, we’re partiers”.

“Isn’t he a kick in the pants, honey?” Mr. Carrigan stared down at them as he took a puff from his pipe. “You’re hunters, is what you are.”

“And you’re pagan gods. So, why don't we just call it even, and go our separate ways?”

Mr. Carrigan laughed. “What, so you can bring more hunters and kill us? I don’t think so.”

Frustrated as he pulled against his restraints, Sam tried to look over his shoulder to leer at the couple. “Maybe you should have thought about that before you went snacking on humans, now, huh?”

“Oh now, don’t get all wet.”

Madge unfolded dinner napkins and began placing them in the hunters’ laps. “Oh, why, we used to take over a hundred tributes a year and that’s a fact. Now, what do we take? What, two? Three?”

“Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew here make five.”

“Now, that’s not so bad, is it?”

Riley was still slightly spinning from the blow to the head but managed to keep her usual level of snark. “Wow, well we were just all wrong about you, weren’t we? I mean--you guys are practically Ward and June Cleaver.”

“You, little miss…” Mr. Carrigan said pointing his pipe at the blue-eyed hunter. “You better show us a little respect.”

“Or what? You’ll eat me?”

The husband laughed heartily as he looked back at Riley. “Well, you know, the missus and I have always felt it best to use men for the rituals. That’s just how it’s always been. But you…” Mr. Carrigan walked closer to Riley who had anger in her eyes. “We figured we might make an exception. Because you’re not completely human are you? No, you’re something special--something… what’s the word I’m looking for, dear?” he asked his wife.

Madge grinned as she continued to set up. “Well, she’s practically a rare delicacy isn’t she?”

“A delicacy. Spot on, dear.” Turning back to Riley, he still practically twinkled with joy. “And I’m betting what you would add to the mix would be just top notch, don’t you agree, honey?” He asked to his wife.

“Oh, absolutely. Might give it the extra kick we’ve needed to help us have it like we did in the good old days. We’re such sticklers for rituals though and have to do this right. And you know what kicks off the whole party?”

“Let me guess…” Dean said jumping in. “Meadowsweet.” Madge ran around the kitchen island with a squeal of excitement in response. “Oh shucks, you’re all out of wreaths. I guess we’ll just have to cancel the sacrifice, huh?”

“Oh, don’t be such a gloomy Gus.” She held three horseshoe-shaped wreaths and hung them all around their captives’ necks. “There. Ohh…don’t they just look darling?”

“Good enough to eat.” Mr. Carrigan smacked his lips as he whipped out a knife. “Alrighty-roo. Step number two.” Carrying a bowl and the blade, he walked to Sam. The man held the bowl under the Winchester’s arm and prepared to cut him with the knife.

Dean fought with all his strength to turn to his little brother, but to no avail. “Sammy?! Sammy?!”

“D-Don’t!” Sam’s demand almost sounded like a plea before it slowly turned to a scream as Mr. Carrigan tore into his flesh.

Both Riley and Dean shouted over each other with anger at Sam’s pain. 

“Leave him alone, you son of a bitch! I swear to god, I’ll kill you!”

“This might pinch a bit, dear.” Mrs. Carrigan had gone to Riley and the hunter bore her eyes into the god.

“You hurt her and I’ll fucking rip you apart,” Dean growled. 

Riley’s teeth gritted together through her scream and she squeezed her eyes shut as the blade cut into her forearm. Only a second later, another cry ripped from her throat as Mrs. Carrigan cut her other arm as well. 

Dean’s rage boiled inside him and his chair only slightly moved at the force he fought against it with. His family was being tortured and it was driving him to the brink of insanity. 

It was then Dean’s turn to have the blade cut into him and he too released a shout of pain. “You fucking bitch!”

“Oh, my goodness me! Somebody owes a couple of nickels to the swear jar. Oh, do you know what I say when I feel like swearing? ‘Fudge’.”

Panting, Dean snarked, “I’ll try and remember that!” As she smiled at him, the woman brought the knife back down to his other side. “You fudging touch me again and I’ll fudging kill you!”

“Very good!” she exclaimed, cutting into the hunter once more as he groaned in pain.

Mr. Carrigan picked up a pair of pliers and walked back to Sam. “You kids have no idea how lucky you are. There was a time when kids came from miles around, just to be sitting where you are.”

With panic in his voice, Sam’s chest rose and fell rapidly. “What do you think you’re doing with those? No. No. Don’t.” 

The man took the pliers to Sam’s index finger and began to pull the nail off as Sam screamed.

In a state of distress, Riley couldn’t block her empathic abilities and began to wail along with him. It felt as though her own fingernail was being torn from her body. 

The two gods turned to each other with astonishment and then back at her with Sam’s nail pinched in the pliers.

“Oh, my goodness, me…” Mrs. Carrigan exclaimed. “Darling, I think we’ve found ourselves an empath.”

After putting the nail into the bowl that was drenched in the hunters’ blood, he put down the pliers and clapped with excitement. “Well, hotdog! It’s officially a party!” Mr. Carrigan tapped his head ridiculously remembering something. “Sweet Peter on a popsicle stick…I forgot the tooth.”

Sam, Riley, and Dean were all panting hard trying to overcome their pain. 

“Merry Christmas, guys,” Dean uttered as the others groaned.

With the pliers in his hand once again, Carrigan grabbed Dean’s chin. “Open wide… and say, ‘aah’.” Just as he put the tool into Dean’s mouth, the doorbell rang.

“Somebody gonna get that?” Dean asked, his voice muffled with the pliers still in his mouth. “You should get that.”

Mr. Carrigan rolled his eyes and motioned for his wife. “Come on.”

As soon as the couple was out of the room, Dean looked over to Riley. “We gotta get out of here. I don’t wanna be this year’s Christmas turkey.”

“Yeah,” Riley agreed out of breath. “Can we kill them now, please?”

“Oh, yeah…” Sam muttered.

------

Mr. and Mrs. Carrigan came back into the kitchen with smiles on their faces. “Now, where were we?” Madge giggled.

Riley and the Winchesters were no longer in their chairs. The gods saw one of the doors close with a slam and they turned around to see the other door close as well. 

Sam and Riley were standing against one as they tried to keep it shut and Dean did the same on his end. 

The Carrigans pounded on the door, again and again, fighting the hunters attempt to lock them in.

Dean pulled a large drawer to hold his door closed and ran to help his partners. As soon as Dean was against the banging door, Riley let go and ran across the room only to shove the Christmas tree to the ground. The ornaments crashed on the hardwood and shattered as her hands went into the branches.

“Damn, Rye!” Sam yelled. “I know they were gonna eat us, but what did the tree do?”

She grunted as she yanked a branch off. “Stakes are in the basement. Luckily, we got some fresh evergreen right here.”

Dean grinned and shook his head. “You’re fucking brilliant, you know that?”

Riley nodded playfully as Dean looked to a large cabinet. “Sam! Help me get this.” 

The brothers moved the cabinet in front of the tree and rushed to grab branches from the tree. They stripped them of their needles and prepared to fight.

It went silent as they approached the kitchen door. Suddenly, Mr. Carrigan tackled Dean to the ground and began punching him again and again. 

Sam shouted, “Dean!” as he ran to his aid and fought to get the man off his brother.

A sound came from behind Riley and she turned to see Madge smiling back at her. “You little thing.” Her face distorted momentarily and swung violently in almost a blur. “I loved that tree.”

As Riley went to raise her stake, Madge hit her and the hunter crashed into the couch and onto the floor. She grabbed branches at her side as the god walked towards her and hit her as hard as she could. 

Riley fought to keep the woman at arm's length as the Winchesters overpowered Mr. Carrigan. Sam pinned him to the ground as Dean shoved the stake into his chest.

Madge screamed as she watched her husband and froze in shock, giving Riley the perfect opportunity to stab her with her own stake. The hunter scrunched her face and grunted as she pushed the stake further in before Madge fell to the ground, dead.

The three struggled to catch their breaths as they looked at each other. 

“Merry Christmas,” Sam said through ragged breath. 

------

Christmas Eve 1991

All was quiet as the children of the world waited for Santa. The snow continued to fall over the motel housing the lonely Winchester boys as Sam slept soundly in his bed.

Dean went to his side and shook his brother to wake him. “Sam, wake up!” 

Just as Sam’s eyes began to open, he turned towards Dean who had a smile on his face. 

“Dad was here. Look what he brought.” 

His gaze turned around to see a little Christmas tree, decorated with a few large and colorful lights. A few small presents sat beneath the small piece of chopped evergreen.

“Dad was here?”  Sam asked groggily.

“Yeah. Look at this. We made a killing.”

Yawning, Sam mumbled, “why didn't he try to wake me up?”

Dean thought quickly on his feet with a playful scoff. “He tried to, like a thousand times.”

“He did?”

“Yeah. Did I tell you he would give us Christmas, or what? Go on, dive in.”

Sam leaped from his bed and hurried over to the Christmas tree. He found two presents wrapped with themed wrapping paper; one even was adorned with a shiny green bow. 

Sitting on the couch, he began to unwrap his first gift.

Dean sat on the arm of the couch and watched his little brother with excitement. “What is it?”

Baffled, Sam held up a pink box. “Sapphire Barbie?”

The older brother chuckled. “Dad probably thinks you’re a girl.”

“Shut up!” Sam tossed the Barbie to the ground.

“Open that one.”

As the youngest Winchester opened his second gift, he found a sparkling cheerleading stick. 

John had broken his promise, again. 

Sam held it in his hands sadly before looking to Dean. “Dad never showed, did he?”

“Yeah, he did, I swear.”

“Dean…where’d you get all this stuff?”

Realizing he couldn’t lie anymore, Dean’s eye cast down with a sigh. “Nice house up the block. I swear I didn’t know they were chick presents.” Dean watched his sad brother with a heavy heart, desperate to bring him comfort. “Look, I’m sure Dad would have been here if he could.”

“If he’s alive.”

“Don’t say that. Of course, he’s alive. He’s Dad.”

It was then that Sam noticed the heavy burden on Dean’s shoulders; that his big brother worried just as much as Sam did. Grabbing the present he had wrapped in newspaper earlier that night, he held it out to Dean. “Here, take this.”

“No. No, that’s for Dad.”

“Dad lied to me. I want you to have it.” Sam continued to hold out the gift to Dean with a small curl on his lip.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Trying to hide his moment of excitement, Dean finally took the gift and began to tear into it. Inside, was a necklace. It was a black cord that had an amulet hanging in from it. The piece was a metallic gold color and depicted the head of a humanoid being with horns and tribal adornment. 

Dean couldn’t remember the last time he smiled so genuinely as he held the amulet in his hand. “Thank you, Sam. I--I love it.” He proudly put the necklace on over his head and the boys sat in silence with an unspoken love between them. 

Even if they were alone on Christmas, as long as they had each other, that would always be enough.

------

There wasn’t a day that had passed since that Christmas Eve, almost sixteen years before, that Dean hadn’t worn that necklace. It was practically a part of who he was. 

Dean walked into their motel room and grinned with surprise. Riley and Sam had decorated the room with a small Christmas tree and a ‘Merry Christmas’ sign. Ella Fitzgerald’s ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ played as Riley smiled in his direction, putting on the final ornament. Sam looked at his brother lovingly as Dean took it all in.

With amazement and joy in his eyes, Dean asked, “what’s all this?”

Riley stood next to Sam and shrugged playfully. “Looks like Christmas to me.”

Dean’s eyes met his brothers with a smirk. “What made you change your mind?”

Handing his big brother a glass of eggnog, Sam ignored his question. “Here, uh--try the eggnog. Let me know if it needs some more kick.”

With only a single sip, Dean coughed, looking surprised at the taste. “No, we’re good,” he practically wheezed through his cough.

“Good. Well, uh--have a seat. Let’s do…Christmas stuff, or whatever.”

Dean nodded happily as he took off his jacket. “Alright, first things first.” As Sam and Riley sat on the brown, worn couch, Dean pulled up a chair. He took out four packages wrapped in brown paper from a plastic bag and held them out to his family. “Merry Christmas, guys.”

The two smiled as they took them and Riley peered up at him. “Where���d you even go?”

“Someplace special,” Dean replied. The two looked at him waiting for a better answer. “The gas mart down the street.” His brother and girlfriend laughed at his response. “Open them up.”

Both Sam and his sister reached under the couch for four more packages, each all wrapped in newspaper. The two swapped gifts between them and Sam kissed Riley’s temple before they gave Dean his.

With surprise and excitement, Dean asked, “really?” before taking his gifts.  

Sam opened his first gift and laughed as he held up two porn magazines. “Skin mags!” Dean nodded, satisfied with Sam’s reaction as his brother opened his next gift. “And…shaving cream.”

“You like?”

“Yeah,” Sam smiled from ear to ear. “Yeah.” Opening his next two from Riley, Sam found a bag of trail mix and a small bottle of lotion. “Lotion?” he asked with an uncertain smile.

Riley chuckled. “Well, it was supposed to be a joke, but now it goes perfectly with your new porn, brother!”

Dean threw his head back in laughter, practically grabbing his stomach. 

Giving her a teasing middle finger, Sam smiled and feigned, “haha, very funny. But I’m about to bust into this trail mix as soon as we’re done. Thanks, sis.”

The Winchesters turned to Riley showing it was her turn to open hers and she giggled unwrapping her gifts. She laughed as she found two of her favorite chocolate candy bars, a bottle of gas station-brand scented soap, and a pair of fluffy blue socks. “Oh, boys...you spoil me,” she beamed. “Thank you, guys.”

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” Dean said as Riley went to him to give him a kiss. He opened his arms allowing her to sit on his lap and he wrapped himself around her as he opened his. Sheer joy covered his face as he found a bottle of motor oi, and a candy bar. “Look at this. Fuel for me and fuel for my baby. These are awesome. Thanks.” Dean’s face looked like it was probably beginning to ache with a smile that couldn’t stop. 

Opening his next gifts, he found a pair of sunglasses and a Christmas bow. “Uh--Rye, I think the bow goes on the gifts, sweetheart.”

“That is very true.” Riley took the bow, removed its sticker, and slapped it on her chest, right above her breasts. “Merry Christmas, babe.”

Dean laughed as his face buried into her neck, holding her close. Riley squealed and his fingers pinched her chin before he kissed her, smiling against her lips. “Best gifts ever.” He picked up his eggnog and grinned as he held it out, “Merry Christmas, guys.”

Sam and Riley held their plastic glasses out as well and they toasted them together. 

“Merry Christmas,” they all said.

The room fell quiet as spirits briefly fell. They all knew that Christmas would be the last they would spend together. 

Riley was consumed by the Winchester’s heavy hearts and she exhaled hard trying to shut it out. If that was going to be their last Christmas, they were going to do it right. She got up and rushed to her bag before she ran back with a camera. The brothers groaned with a laugh as she sat on the couch and motioned for them. 

“Yeah, yeah. Stop complaining and smile for our Christmas card,” she joked. 

Dean wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close as Sam reluctantly scooted to her side. It didn’t take more than a few seconds for Sam and Dean to smile along with her before the flash went off. 

As they pulled apart, Dean took the camera from her. When she looked at him, he pulled her in for a kiss as he reached his arm far out to take a picture. Their lips were curled with contentment as he triggered the camera.

Sam opened his mouth to speak as the couple pulled apart and Dean looked to his brother with worry over what he would say. 

“Hey, Dean, y–-” Sam looked sad as he fumbled for his words. He hesitated and then sighed before meeting his brother’s eyes. “Do you feel like watching the game?”

Dean smiled in relief. “Absolutely.”

“Alright.”

Standing up, Sam reached over to turn on the old TV set. The three sat on the couch together as they watched the winter football game. The brothers smirked at each other and Dean pulled Riley to his chest as he drank his eggnog.

In the silence, all that was left was the whistle of the referee and the voice of the announcer. 

As Dean kissed the top of Riley’s head, he inhaled her scent and laced his fingers with hers.

Their night was perfect, and whatever would happen tomorrow, would be tomorrow. All that mattered was being with Sam and Riley. That night was all Dean needed to find the strength to keep going. He knew that all he would ever need was his family. 

So, for the first time in eight months, Dean relaxed and felt contentment run through him. If there was a heaven, Dean was sure that it was what he had at that moment. And if Hell was what awaited him, that memory would be enough to keep his spirit alive.

Outside, snow began to gently fall to the ground. With all right once again on that Michigan night, there would be a white Christmas. It fluttered softly onto the Impala as lights twinkled in the shine of her hood. 

And through the window, sat the three hunters, lost in what would become one of their favorite memories.

------

S3 Chapter 8: Dream a Little Dream of Me

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[cactuslester]

And, Like Putting On Glasses, I Saw the World in Perfect Clarity

Summary: Dan thinks this trip to the Isle of Man will be like all the other trips to visit the Lesters. Little does he know, Phil has a 3 carat surprise for him.

Word Count: ~6.2K

Genre: fluff, established relationship, proposal, engagement, December 2018 theories (I think these theories are prevalent enough to be their own genre/trope in the phandom)

Warnings: none

A/N: Hello guys! I haven't posted a fic in nearly two years, but I'm trying to get back into writing. I think all the engagement theories swirling around the fandom right now are adorable, so I had to write about them. Huge thanks to my lovely betas Hayden @vinylester, Martha @headlesghost, and Sarah @thedemonsadvocate! Any feedback, positive or negative, is much appreciated.

AO3

“Hey, our flight leaves in three hours, get home soon okay?”

Phil nestled the phone between his ear and shoulder as he listened to the reply from the other end and responded, “Yeah okay, mmhm, don’t worry, I remembered. Okay okay alright love you bye.”

He dropped the t-shirt he was folding to hang up the call and tossed the phone onto his bed, wincing when he heard it slide off and hit the floor. Oh well, it’s got a case on it, he reminded himself. He then made his way to his drawers and opened the top one; after rummaging through the socks, boxer shorts, and for some reason, a bunny ears headband, he finally found what he was looking for and pulled out a little velvet box. It was jet black and surprisingly light, considering it was  carrying an object of greater gravity than his computer, cameras, and collection of awards combined. Phil breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the ring still sat safely inside. Sliding down to the floor in front of the drawers, he gazed at it for a moment, admiring his own ability in picking out jewelry. It was a simple pavé ring made of white gold, studded with two rows of tiny glittering diamonds. There was no secret to the fact that Dan always had a mild internal conflict when it came to picking between his two aesthetics—minimalism and luxury, so Phil had found the perfect balance. A simple white gold band would pair well with anything Dan would choose to wear, and the pavé diamonds added luxe without being gaudy.

The mid-morning sun shining through the window of his room bounced off each of the tiny diamonds, casting little beams of light on the walls and ceiling, giving the illusion that the room was filled with hundreds of tiny stars. The effect was breathtaking, and Phil knew Dan would think so too. He got a little lost staring at the ring, thinking about what it represented, knowing that if he had told his younger self from ten years ago that he would make it this far, he would have never believed it. Phil was doing something he truly loved next to the person he loved the most in the world. They had just finished a hugely successful world tour and had so many plans for the future for both their professional and personal lives to look forward to.

All he had to do was pop the question.

The sound of the front door opening snapped Phil out of his contemplation as he scrambled to close the box and tuck it inside the side pocket of his suitcase between two pairs of socks. “Dan?” he called, keeping his voice steady as if he didn’t almost get caught holding a ring box, “Are you nearly done packing? We need to call the taxi in an hour.” Phil heard the jangle of Dan’s keys dropping in the ceramic dish where they kept them, promptly followed by his footsteps bounding up the stairs a second later.

“Uhhhh yeah, I just have my clothes left to pack. Oh, and toiletries also.”

Phil rolled his eyes even though he knew Dan couldn’t see. “Dan, that’s nearly everything. I told you to start packing last night. My mum’s gonna kill me if we miss our flight.”

“Don’t worry, I promise you we won’t be late. Maybe we’ll even be early; I know I can have everything packed and ready to go in forty minutes.”

Phil crossed his arms, half jokingly, half accusingly. “Really? Forty? You’re bluffing and you know it.”

“I promise I’m not. Okay, if I’m not packed in forty, then I’ll take the bins out for two weeks after we come back. Deal?”

“Deal. I hope you’re looking forward to making awkward bin room conversation with our weird neighbors.”

Dan, ever the procrastinator, knew for sure that he could pack in forty minutes as long as he acted quickly. The only essentials he knew he had to bring were his wallet, a couple pairs of black jeans, some t-shirts, socks, shoes, a coat, and his phone. Everything else on the list wasn’t as important, and if he forgot something aside from the essentials, Phil’s parents would probably have it at their house or he could survive a few days without it. He mimed a silent prayer to thank whatever deities there were that he had escaped his dependence on his hair straighteners. Bringing them on every trip used to be such a hassle.

While throwing shirts into the suitcase and cramming miscellaneous items in the spaces between, he let himself get lost in thought. It had been such a tumultuous year, but he was so thankful that all of it had happened. He never thought he’d get this far. And now after such a successful but tiring year, he was getting to spend time with his boyfriend and his family before going to see his own. He was living a charmed life for sure.

Dan stared at his own hands whilst folding a jumper. Ringless. Nine years together was a long time to go without formal engagement. Sure. they had discussed marriage many times, countless times, laying in bed together late at night as the roar of London traffic passed by. And as nine years were soon to turn to ten, he knew it was inevitable. But the question remained. When? He knew that Phil would probably propose soon as they had talked about getting married late 2019 or early 2020, but he also knew he wouldn’t propose during Christmastime. Dan thought it would be adorably cliché and romantic if Phil proposed to him in front of a Christmas tree or in the snow, but he knew that Christmas was a time for Phil to focus on his own family and not the time for him to be planning how to execute a proposal. So Dan knew he wouldn’t be getting a ring this weekend, but he wasn’t upset about it; Phil would plan a beautifully romantic proposal when the time came.

Dan finished folding the last of the shirts and stood up to unplug his phone charger from the socket, tossing it triumphantly in the suitcase as he called out to Phil, “Phil! I’m done packing, and it’s only 11:17; I have twelve minutes to spare! Guess you’ll be the one taking the bins out for two weeks.”

“Hey, wait!” Phil responded indignantly, “I never said I’d take the bins out if you were able to pack in time. You just said that you’d take the bins out if you didn’t pack on time, and I agreed to that.”

“Oh come on, it was implied that the opposite applies: you’d take the bins out if I did pack on time.”

“No it wasn’t and you know it; you just made that up now.”

“Philll,” Dan whined, lips forming a petulant pout, “But aren’t you proud of me for being so responsible and on time? I think you should still take the bins out.”

Phil had never been able to resist Dan’s whiny voice; it was his second biggest weakness right under Dan’s doe eyes. “Oh my god fine, but this is the last time you get away with stating the terms of a bet so vaguely.”

“Aw thanks, love you!” Dan teased.

“Love you too,” Phil responded with slight exasperation, “Now call the taxi or else we’ll be late anyways.”

It was a miracle that security checks went as quickly as they did, with it being the holidays and all, but Phil wasn’t complaining. Even though they now had an hour they would have to kill, this was much preferred to missing the flight. “What’s the gate number again?” he asked Dan, who was holding both of their boarding passes.

“B34, so that way,” Dan pointed to the terminal entrance on their left. “I think it’s actually the same gate we were at when we flew to the Isle last year.”

“Huh, wacky coincidence, what are the odds?”

“Very low,” Dan answered, not fully paying attention to the conversation but instead looking around for something, “Hey, we have an hour, should we go to the Starbucks? It’s at terminal C, but I think we have time.”

“Yeah, it should be fine since our gate’s right at the beginning of terminal B.”

They made their way to the Starbucks in companionable silence. It was moments like these that Phil treasured the most. They didn’t always have to be actively talking to each other to enjoy each others’ company. Just walking with Dan and being in the same space as him made Phil happy, and he knew Dan appreciated it too. Over the years, they had learned love should not always be measured by how codependent they were or if they were constantly speaking to each other. Rather, the true testaments to the strength of their relationship were their ability to communicate with each other without words and their ability to spend some time apart with their own families, knowing that the other loved and was thinking about them.

The Starbucks was busy with people, all waiting for their holiday flights to visit their families or go on vacation. Phil started towards the line, “I’ll order, you get us some seats before they’re all taken.”

A few minutes later, Phil found Dan at the primo location of window seats and headed towards him, caramel macchiatos in hand. He set the two coffees down before taking a seat and promptly picking up his macchiato and blowing on it, hoping to drink it as fast as possible; he hadn’t had a coffee yet this morning. A small smile formed on Dan’s lips when he saw what Phil had ordered. They both loved the exclusive holiday drinks, but caramel macchiatos held a special place in their hearts. It was the drink they both ordered when they met each other for the first time in Manchester, and it was the drink they famously ordered in their Day in the Life video. Dan had brought up the idea of filming another festive Day in the Life this year, but Phil quickly shot that idea down, saying that they already had a lot to do with the Dilmas videos. In reality, Phil knew they could handle editing those videos had it been any other year, but this year, he was too busy planning something else. To combat any suspicion from Dan, Phil chalked it up to lingering fatigue from the tour and his want to have a relaxing holiday season. He may not be a great actor, but he was a damn good liar, which aided him greatly in coordinating his holiday plan without Dan finding out. And so far, his ploy was working perfectly.

They finished their coffees as boarding time drew near and strolled back to terminal B. On the way back to the terminal, Dan so desperately wanted to intertwine his hand with Phil’s. Nine years together, and Dan was still the romantic sap he was in 2009, wanting to hold his boyfriend’s hand if even just for a couple minutes on the walk back to their terminal. But the Heathrow airport was packed, and there was bound to be someone who would recognize them in the throng of people. At least Dan knew he could take comfort in knowing that within a year, he and Phil will have come out to their audience and they could hold hands whenever and wherever they pleased.

The flight to the Isle of Man was short but bumpy; they couldn’t have expected it to be very smooth given how small the plane was. Dan posted several photos on his story about the plane and basked in how good it felt to be open about visiting Phil’s family. Nine years later and Dan, at heart, was still the smitten fanboy he was in 2009, taking any opportunity to brag about being Phil’s person.

The taxi ride over to Phil’s parents house was short as well and consisted mostly of Phil trying to calm Dan down—he was visibly anxious, fiddling with his hands and running his fingers through his hair. In his head, he knew that the Lesters approved of him wholly and considered him part of the family, but he couldn’t help but be filled with the nervousness akin to meeting a significant other’s parents for the first time every time he went up north with Phil.

When they got out of the taxi, Kathryn was already waiting outside the front door. “Hi mum!” Phil half walked, half jogged his way over to her, suitcase trailing behind him.

She pulled him into a hug, “Oh Phil, I’ve missed you. And yes I know you’re going to say I saw you when you came back from tour, but that feels like forever ago.” She let Phil go and waved Dan over, pulling him into a hug, “Come here, you too Dan.”

“Hello Kathryn, how’ve you been?” he asked, morphing into a perfectly polite version of himself as he always did in front of Phil’s parents.

“Oh, I’ve been well. Just so glad you boys are both visiting; I really need people to help me finish all the mince pies we’ve made, and Martyn and Cornelia won’t make nearly as big a dent in them as I know you two will.”

“You know me too well,” Dan laughed as the three headed inside.

Inside, Nigel was pulling cookies out of the oven, telling Dan and Phil how Kathryn made a couple of batches in anticipation of their arrival. Martyn and Cornelia were sat on the couch, heads bent over Martyn’s phone as they both read something off it. The pair stood up and greeted Dan and Phil when they heard them come in. After all their greetings and hugs were exchanged, Kathryn called everyone to the table for afternoon tea and cookies. Inevitably, the conversation turned towards the future.

“Yeah, Phil and I decided that we were going to take a little break from the gaming channel just for a while. We just want to take a step back and decide what we want to do next. This year was a huge year for our careers of course, and next year, we want to have a little more time to focus on our personal lives,” Dan explained. Martyn shot a knowing glance at Phil, but Dan didn’t notice. “I’m not sure if Phil’s told you, but we’re going to start looking for a house. We’re not going to move for another year or two probably, but we want to start looking for a place.”

“Actually,” Kathryn replied, “Phil hasn’t told us yet, but I wish you two the best of luck. Finding a house in London can’t be an easy task.”

After some more conversation and catching up, Phil got up from the table, subtly motioning to Martyn to do so too. Dan was about to get up and follow, but Phil stopped him, “Dan it’s okay, Martyn just wanted to discuss a small thing about the AmazingPhil merch, not super important, you can stay.”

“Oh okay,” Dan sat back down, jumping back into easy conversation with Phil’s parents and Cornelia.

Martyn and Phil headed to the guest room where Martyn and Cornelia were staying. “Okay Phil, what’s the game plan this weekend?”

“Alright, so the biggest thing is to decide what day I should do it,” Phil replied, “I was thinking maybe after Christmas Eve dinner in front of the tree, but I don’t want to take away from the festivities and all of mum’s awesome planning that goes into the Eve dinner. Is there anywhere else I could do it that would also be super pretty and romantic?”

“Aren’t we all going on a hike tomorrow? What if you did it at the top of the peak? Then you guys could get some really great photos with the mountains in the background.”

“Oh my god you’re so right, that would be perfect! Okay on the hike tomorrow it is.”

“Okay, so how exactly do you want to do it?”

Phil explained his idea, and Martyn nodded approvingly. It would require some help from both Martyn and Cornelia, but it wasn’t anything too complicated or fancy. Phil knew that Dan was a sucker for the simple but romantic gestures, and this was exactly that.

Morning light shone through the window of Dan and Phil’s guest room, filtered by the wispy clouds and the curtains. Dan rolled over, opening his eyes to an empty bed. “Phil?” he called out into the house, tensing when he realized the other Lesters may still be asleep and he might’ve just woken them up.

Dan heard soft footsteps on the stairs, and Phil appeared at the door, mug in hand, “Morning, sleepyhead. I brought you some tea.”

“Mm, thanks,” Dan took the warm mug in his hands, “What time is it?”

“It’s eight-forty, everyone is already up. C’mon we’re all having breakfast downstairs.”

“Eight-forty? Everyone is up at eight-forty during the holidays?”

“Yeah, remember the hike? My mum was hoping that we could all head out by nine-thirty and be back by noon in time for lunch.”

“Ohh okay, you go finish your breakfast, I’ll be down right after I get dressed.”

“Okay,” Phil pressed a kiss to Dan’s forehead and headed back downstairs.

Dan had a few sips of his tea and smiled when he realized it was Taylors of Harrogate Earl Grey, his favorite. It was a small gesture, but it warmed Dan’s heart that Phil rummaged through the Lesters’ cabinet of tea to find it. Flipping open his suitcase, he checked the weather on his phone with one hand  and looked for clothes with the other. 5ºC, so he could do with a button up and a light coat. He got dressed and grabbed his coat and the earmuffs that Phil always made fun of to bring downstairs with him. The Lesters and Cornelia greeted him warmly with a chorus of “Morning Dan!” and “Come sit and eat!” Halfway through breakfast, Dan realized that last night’s sleep had done him good; most of his anxieties about spending time with the Lesters had faded away. In this moment, laughing and talking with them, sharing anecdotes from the tour and musing about the future, Dan truly felt like part of the family.

“Should we head out now?” Cornelia asked as everyone took their last sips of tea and coffee and their last bites of scones. She was met with nods all around and everyone grabbed their coats. The hiking trail wasn’t far, just a ten minute walk from the house, and the trail itself wasn’t  too intimidating either. Everyone had referred to this as a “hike” in planning it, but really, it was more of a stroll through the hills complemented by breathtaking scenery. It had snowed a little the night before, just enough for a centimeter to settle, just enough to make tiny snowballs which Phil promptly made and lobbed at Martyn and Dan.

The hike was downright scenic. The sun was bright, casting down golden light, but the scattered cloud cover kept it from being blinding. The grass at their feet, made pale by the cold, waved in the breeze, an exquisite dance rarely appreciated by human eyes. And the ocean in the distance was bluer than ever and still enough to reflect your own soul back at you. Martyn was chatting with Dan at the front of the group with the Lester parents behind them and Phil and Cornelia at the very back. “Are you excited?” she asked Phil, keeping her voice low so Dan couldn’t hear.

“Yeah, I am, but I’m also so nervous I’m actually trembling,” Phil held his hand out in front of him to show Cornelia.

“Don’t worry it’ll be fine; it’ll go perfectly, I promise. Martyn and I will distract him like we planned, and when he turns around, you’ll be there, simple,” she said with a smile.

Phil nodded, but there was still worry behind his eyes, “But what if he says no?”

She shook her head lightly with a smile, “Phil don’t be silly, there’s no way he will say no. You’ve been together for nine years now and have a love story that would make Aphrodite jealous. He looks at you like you hang the stars in the sky and set the sun on its course. Plus, you both have already talked about getting married, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s expecting a proposal soon.”

“Oh no, you think he’s expecting it? I wanted this to be a surprise,” Phil said, unable to find a way out of his spiral of anxiety.

“Oh dear, I didn’t mean to make it worse, that’s not what I meant. Look, I’m sure he’ll still be surprised. Even if he’s expecting a proposal soon doesn’t mean he’s expecting one on this trip. He probably thinks you’ll be too busy during this trip to plan a proposal, and you’ve hidden everything quite well, so he has no reason to suspect it’s today.”

“Okay, okay that makes me feel a bit better, thanks.”

“Anytime. Do you have any idea when the wedding will be?”

“Erm, we were thinking maybe late next year or early 2020? I think it’d be really nice if it could be on October 19th, our ten year anniversary, but whether that can happen or not depends on everyone’s schedules and whatever venue we pick.”

“Aw that’s such a sweet idea, I think that’d be nice too, hopefully that works out,” she glanced up in the distance, “Are you ready? We’re almost at the top of the hill.”

Phil filled his lungs with air and let it out in a controlled sigh, “I think I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

As they walked up towards the peak, it began to snow lightly. Tiny snowflakes dusted Dan’s curls and settled Phil’s lashes. They fell slowly from the clouds above, occasionally catching the sunlight just so, making it seem like hundreds of tiny gems filled the air. Phil thanked whatever weather gods there were for this. The snow was just enough for a perfect winter scene but not too much so that it was difficult to see or walk through. They reached the top soon after it started snowing and took a few minutes to soak it all in. The sound of the waves crashing in the distance and the intermittent chirping of birds were the only things that broke the serene silence. The hills were bathed in soft, mid-morning light, and the colors of the foliage were washed out from the winter as if in a dream. Dan was stood on a small ledge on the hill, far enough from the edge so as to not fall off. Phil walked up behind him and placed his head on Dan’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Dan sighed contentedly, “What if we move somewhere like this in the future?”

“What? I thought you loved London.”

“No, I do, I don’t mean soon. I mean when we’re old and grey and retired, what if we move somewhere away from the bustle of the city to somewhere like this, where it’s quiet outside and we can see the ocean from our window?”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that at all,” Phil murmured into Dan’s shoulder. They stayed like that, staring into the ocean, thinking about their futures with each other for a moment until Phil spoke, “I think I saw a rabbit over there, I’m going to go befriend it.”

“It’d be so on brand if you got bitten by it and we all have to stop our peaceful walk to take you to A&E.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t get bitten,” Phil giggled as he pulled his arms away from Dan and headed away from the ledge.

That was Martyn and Cornelia’s cue to walk up to Dan and admire the ocean with him. “What was the merch stuff you guys had to deal with yesterday?” Dan asked Martyn.

“Um, we were just trying to figure out how to get the sock orders delivered by New Year’s; the manufacturer was running a bit late, so we were making sure that everything would be back on track soon.”

“Oh okay, gotchu.”

“Congrats on the tour, by the way,” Cornelia piped up, “I don’t think I congratulated you individually in person about it yet.”

“Oh, thank you so much. Me and Phil are so happy with how it all turned out, but we’re dead tired now, so January is going to be a month of rest for us.”

“How are the fans taking the news about the hiatus?”

“They’re mildly upset, but most of them are being so lovely and respectful and understand that we need time to rest and think about what to do next. There’s a lot of theories going around though.”

“Oh?” Cornelia prompted Dan for elaboration.

“From what I’ve seen, some people think we’re moving soon or getting married. And I mean, they’re kinda right, but they’re off about the timeline. We’re not moving next year, and the hiatus isn’t for a wedding. I mean, unless for some reason one of us proposes like in the next week and we somehow plan a wedding in a month,” Dan laughed at the prospect, “But that’s not happening because I know Phil wants a fancy ceremony, and that’ll take at least several months to plan.”

“Have you guys talked about which one of you is proposing?” Martyn asked, feigning ignorance.

“No not really, we’ve just both said we’re fine either way. We don’t feel that strongly about who does it. Although, I do have a small hunch that maybe Phil is planning to propose on Valentine’s day, and I’m not sure if I should beat him to it and propose on his birthday.”

Cornelia scrolls through her phone absentmindedly, “What if one of you proposes and the other also has the ring they were going to propose with with them? Like that video I shared on Facebook the other day.”

“That could happen totally by accident; I wouldn’t put it past us.”

Phil was on the other side of the peak, a hundred paces or so away from Dan, Martyn, and Cornelia with his parents. He handed his dad his phone with the camera application open to the video setting, “Okay, so when I give you the thumbs up, just press that red button and it’ll start recording.” He handed his mum a Canon camera, one that they sometimes brought to events when they needed pictures or videos of a higher quality than the iPhone, “Just keep taking pictures throughout the whole thing, and make sure you get the important moments, and—oh, what am I saying, you’ve been taking pictures of mine and Martyn’s milestones since we were kids; you know how to do this.”

Kathryn chuckled in response, “You’re a bit nervous aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I know it’ll go okay, but I want this to be perfect.”

“Don’t worry Phil, it will be. You ready?”

“Yeah,” he pulled both his parents into a hug, “Thanks guys.”

As the three headed back, Phil sent a text to Martyn letting him know that it was almost time; Martyn sent back the thumbs up emoji. When they reached the ledge, they stayed as quiet as possible so as to not alert Dan to their presence. Phil knew that without distraction, he would be content to stare into the ocean for ages, contemplating life and possibly spiraling into an existential crisis. Phil’s parents took their positions right behind the ledge, ready to film and take pictures from two different angles. Phil sent a text to Cornelia, then quietly made his way to a spot several feet behind where Dan, Martyn and Cornelia were standing.

Cornelia pointed out a flock of birds that had landed in the trees. A few of them started crying out in what could only be a mating call, “You should call Phil over, I think he’d have a field day trying to imitate them.”

Dan kept his eyes trained on the birds and laughed along with Martyn and Cornelia as he called out Phil’s name, “Phil! Come look!” He assumed Phil was probably nearby enough to hear him if he yelled loud enough. “Phiiiillll!” Still no response. “Phiiii–” Dan turned around to look for him and found Phil in front of him on one knee. Before Dan could even process the situation, Phil started speaking.

“Dan, the first time we met, I was the nervousest person ever, and right now, I think I’m even more nervous than I was that day, so bear with me if I’m not the most eloquent right now.”

Dan laughed. He had just barely processed what was happening, and the tears were already brimming. He had told himself before he wouldn’t cry at his wedding, but if Dan was already devolving into an emotional sap right now, he knew he stood no chance.

“Before I met you, I wasn’t sure if I believed in true love or believed that anything could be forever. I knew I loved my family and my friends and knew I would probably find someone I loved enough to marry and settle down with, but I never thought I would get to experience a grand love story like those people write about in books and movies. And then I met you. I still remember the first time we met, clear as day. When you got off the train at the station and I saw you, I couldn’t help but feel something that felt like coming home. I couldn’t decipher what it meant at the time, but now I know that that was what it feels like to meet the love of your life.”

“Phil, I’m going to start full-on sobbing if you keep going.”

“I love you, but I don’t care right now, I spent forever writing this in my head, so I will keep going,” Phil smiled up at Dan with a smile that Dan would later swear could end wars, “And then we spent a whole day in Manchester, and I think that was one of the best days of my life. I remember when we were on the big wheel, I just kept thinking about how much I liked you and how I hoped you liked me too. Then, you kissed me, and I was gone then and there. I will never have the words to describe it, but it was like I had gone my entire life needing glasses but never wearing them, and you were the clarity missing from my life. That’s when I knew that you were it for me, that you were the one. And I know this all sounds so cheesy, but that’s really how I felt. I am so beyond happy that I get to have you in my life; I truly believe all of my lucky stars aligned for this to happen. So many things make me happy, but spending time with you makes me the happiest; I could just sit and talk with you for the rest of my life, and I’d die the happiest man on Earth. Forever with you is not long enough. I’d spend a million forevers with you if I could. And I love so many things and so many people, but none more than you. I really, truly think that you’re the best person in the world, and I love you more than words can convey. So,” Phil opened the ring box, “Daniel James Howell, will you marry me?”

“Oh my god,” Dan whispered through tears, “Yes, yes, yes of course I’ll marry you Phil.” Phil stood to put the ring on Dan, but Dan immediately pulled him into a kiss. He wrapped his arms around Phil and knew that he was the luckiest person in the world.

Phil smiled into the kiss as he murmured against Dan’s lips, “I still need to put the ring on you. Plus, my whole family’s watching, we can’t get carried away.”

“Right,” Dan pulled away with a soft laugh and held out his left hand.

Phil slid the ring onto Dan’s fourth finger and breathed a small sigh of relief when it fit perfectly. They could have always gotten it resized if it didn’t fit, but now they could avoid that hassle. Neither of them wore much jewelry, so Phil had had to guess the ring size with the help of the jeweler.

Dan held his hand up to the light, “Oh Phil, it’s perfect, I love it. How did you decide on this one?”

“I mean, I knew you would like the white gold because it fits your minimalist monochrome aesthetic, and of course you would want something glittery and shiny, so what better than rows of diamonds?”

“God, you know me too well.”

“Of course.”

Martyn was the first to wish them congratulations, followed by Cornelia and the rest of the Lesters. Phil’s mum and dad handed him back his phone and camera, assuring him that they got great footage that would make for a lovely engagement video or Instagram post. It was only then that Dan realized they were all in on the surprise, “Wait! Martyn, Cornelia! You guys were just distracting me from them setting up the stuff to film! And when you pointed out the birds, that was to get me to turn around and notice Phil! You guys both knew what was about to happen but you still asked about proposal plans!”

“Well, we had to make sure you were proper surprised when the time came,” Cornelia responded with a laugh, “And you were, should’ve seen your own face when you turned around.”

“Wait, Martyn, you and Phil weren’t talking about merch yesterday then, were you?”

“Nope,” he shook his head.

“My god you guys managed to pull this off so well.”

“They did, didn’t they?” Phil chimed in, “Thanks again so much for helping, guys! Should we take the cliché ring photo for Instagram?”

“Yeah, sure,” Martyn grabbed Phil’s phone that Phil held out to him. Dan held his hand up to show the camera the ring while Phil pulled him into another kiss. Martyn snapped a few photos and handed the phone back to Phil, “They’re Instagram worthy, I promise.”

A couple days later, Phil accompanied Dan to the airport so he could fly back south to visit his own family. They knew they would miss each other dearly, but they both loved spending time with their own families and knew they would both be back in London soon. Then they could start the next chapter of their lives as fiancés.

Phil walked with Dan up to the security checkpoint where they had to say goodbye. Dan pulled him into a hug, not wanting to risk the possibility of someone recognizing them, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too. Text me when you land, and have fun, and tell your family I said hi.”

“I will, love you, bye.” Dan pulled away and headed towards the security line. Phil waited until Dan disappeared behind the walls separating the checkpoint from the front of the airport before leaving. He already missed him, but it wasn’t like missing him when they were younger. Back then, years ago, missing Dan was a gnawing pain in his ribcage tinged with fear and the uncertainty of when he would get to see him next. But now, Phil knew that this was just the beginning of forever. They would always come back to each other, and he had nothing to worry about.

It was the afternoon of Boxing Day when all the Lesters and Cornelia were sitting by the fireplace, sipping tea and eating yet another batch of fresh cookies Kathryn had baked. Cornelia was scrolling through her phone when she brought something to everyone’s attention, “Phil have you seen Dan’s Instagram post?”

“No not yet,” Phil answered, pulling out his phone and opening the app.

“He cropped out his left hand,” she pointed out, “Do you think he cropped it on purpose or the camera just didn’t get his left hand to begin with?”

“Oh,” Phil laughed, “He definitely did that on purpose; he’s fueling the theories, so everyone will be even more hyped when we announce it. Not that we want a lot of attention for this or anything, but you know Dan, he’s a dramatic theater nerd and would do this just to get everyone excited.”

“Have you boys talked about wedding plans yet?” Kathryn asked from the kitchen.

“Yeah, actually we accidentally stayed up until nearly 4am the night after I proposed just talking about what we want to do for the wedding.”

“So what are the ideas you two have?” Martyn asked.

“We’re not quite sure yet; we’re still deciding, but whatever it is, I know it will be perfect.”

And Phil really did believe that it would be perfect. Even if they weren’t able to have the wedding on October 19th, or if they weren’t able to get the perfect venue or perfect caterer, Phil knew it would be perfect because he would be marrying Dan.

[queeniewritesce]

Shall We Dance 1/?

Chris Evans rolled out of his bed and ran a hand down his face, scrubbing the last remaining traces of sleep. It was good to be home even if his break was coming to an end after forty-five days. Having wrapped up filming for Captain America: Civil War in late August, he had been happy to get some rest and visit his friends and family in Boston before heading down south to work on his next project, Gifted. He was looking forward to working with Octavia Spencer again and the script was solid, a good departure from the explosions and green screens this last few years provided.

Last night had been his last full night at home and Chris and some of his friends went to Mccreedy’s Pub for beers and pool. He arrived home around four A.M, his pockets lighter and highly drunk.

He groggily made his way to the bathroom of his en-suite, bending down to grab his checkered boxers from the floor. After relieving himself he looked himself in the mirror while washing his hands and face. Yes, it was good to be home, no fake fights to learn, no need for a daily shave and no places he had to b...

“SHIT!” His voice was loud, and it echoed in the empty bathroom. “Shit, shit, shit...”

He raced back to his bedroom and grabbed his phone from the nightstand. The black and white Patriots logo blinked to life and right above it the clock read eleven fifty-two A.M. Groaning, he sat back on the edge of the bed and pulled his contacts app, quickly dialing finding and dialing the number he was looking for.

The call connected after three rings and before he was able to say anything the sound of giggling and laughter reached his ears. He was missing a great time with his friends judging by the background noise.

“…and you’re a crazy woman! Your danger Will Robson button must’ve broken when you’re born!” came Garret’s voice on the phone followed by more laughter. “Chris my man you’re fucking late!” Chris heard a feminine voice saying ‘Fuck you Gar’ on the background followed by “Silence woman, I’m on the phone!” from Garret.

“Yeah, ‘bout that…” Chris could hear the stadium music playing, welcoming everyone to the Gillet Stadium, home of the New England Patriots. “I’ll probably won’t make it today bro, I just woke up and I feel like someone drove a tank over my head.”

“You sound like crap as well bro…” Garret sighed on the phone. “Listen, you want us to leave? It’s not fair that we’re using your suite and you won’t even be here.”

Chris felt like a jackass, Garret had come up to him a few days after he had been home and asked if Chris would be okay with him borrowing his suite at Gillet Stadium and taking a few friends to watch the Pats play. It would be Garret’s girlfriend’s birthday on the 31st and the game was the start of one long birthday weekend culminating with a special Halloween party.

“NO, no, come on man, I’d never make you leave!” He groaned when he got up, pacing the room. “We’ve made these plans like a month ago, it’s part of Penny’s birthday celebration and you shouldn’t have to halt your plans because I fucked up. I’ll let the suits known I won’t be in but you’ll stay put and enjoy the game, ok?”

He leaned on the window pane with his right arm, soaking up the sun and watching life go by on the streets below his old townhouse. He had purchased the house in late March and there was still so much to do to restore the house to his former 1900 glory. It excited and terrified him, but Chris was adamant he would do the renovations himself.

“You sure you can’t swing by halftime? We’re gonna kill some Delphinus ass and you’re root to watch the game with.”

Chris could hear Guillermo in the background screaming ‘kill the fish, kill the fish’ while the same woman's voice from before laughed and corrected him saying dolphins were mammals and calling him a dumbass. She had a hearty laugh, loud enough to be heard through the phone call but not high-pitched and he could’ve sworn he heard her snort during his conversation with Garret. Adorable... the thought crossed his mind for a second.

“Nah, I don’t think I will. I’ll just take some Advil and go back to bed, commiserate over my own drunk ass. My flight is at nine P.M. and I really don’t want to flight while hangover and football is only football when there’s beer involved. Put Penny on the phone though, I wanna wish my future wife a Happy Birthday.” Chris laughed knowing he’d get a rise out of his friend.

“Fuck you, Evans, she’d never leave my ass for yours, you’re too pretty for a man, she likes them rough and…“ Garret was interrupted by what Chris deduced was an elbow to his side.

“I actually like my man without a potty mouth, Mr. Haywood… Hey Chris! Thank you so much for the surprise!” Penny sweet voice came through the speaker.

“Well babygirl, then I’m definitely not the man for you, am I?” Chris laughed with Penny. “Listen, I’m sorry I can’t make it today, I have no excuses but I’m a drunken fool.”

“Yes, yes you are!” she laughed before getting serious, her nurse voice on “Are you drinking plenty of water? Have you taken some ibuprofen? Order some greasy food and try not to stay on your bed all day, alright?”

“Yes Nurse Seabrook, no Nurse Seabrook.” He chuckled and made the way to the kitchen to find the Advil bottle. Penny was a nurse at Christopher’s Haven and had met Garret when both Chris and his friend had gone for a visit. Garret left saying she would be his girl one day and true to his world he had won her over not a month later. That was two years ago and Chris was sure a proposal wasn’t far off in the distance. She made his best friend happy and for that he loved her.

“Oh, shut up with the Nurse Seabrook nonsense would ya? I’m just sad you won’t get to meet my sister, she flew in last night and I was looking forward to introducing you two.” Penny said while he opened the bottle and got two pills.

“Are you trying to set me up with your sister, Penny?” he opened a cabinet door and got a glass.

“I do not set people up Christopher, I find pieces of a puzzle that are supposed to go together and let destiny take its course.” She giggled. Yeah, she was totally trying to set them up.

“You’re something else Penny!” he sighed after drinking a full glass of water. “Listen I gotta try and get some more sleep, but happy birthday you little cupid, I hope it’s a great one. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, and I promise to make it up to you somehow.”

“There’s no need to make it up to me, dear. You’re a great friend and a busy man. We’ll see you when you’re back ok?”

“I love you both very much, I’ll call you when I have a chance.” Chris made his way back to his bedroom, closing the blackout curtains and sliding into his bed before disconnecting the call.

His dreams were discombobulated images of football, his friends and a laugh that he couldn’t place a face to, but warmed him whenever he heard it.

__...__...__

Chris looked back to the stadium and he could see people filling the seats around the suites. A soundproof glass kept the noise at a normal level inside his, but the excitement was palpable. Families donned Patriots jerseys and Santa hats, the jumbotron showed a man dressing head to toe like a giant Christmas’ tree and then the image changed to a couple of girls dressed like sexy elves. Man, they must be freezing in this weather… It was December 20th and the temperature had dropped dramatically the night before, right now it was 26° but the weatherman talked about it getting as low as 15° during the game.

He was glad he had purchased a season suite. It wasn’t cheap but it was heated, had leather seats in the inside area, four HD TVs playing the other games of the day as well as the one being played on the field below and it came with their personal bar down the hall, tucked away from the crowd. Chris wasn’t against meeting fans and taking pictures, but sometimes he just wanted to have fun with his friends, let his guard down and enjoy himself.

Some of his drinking buddies were already there, a beer bottle on their hands and talking shit about a lot of things.

“Chris, thanks again for the invite brother, it’s not every day you get to watch the Pats kick some Titan’ ass from the 50-yard line,” Samuel said while raising his beer bottle in a salut.

“Here, here, let’s hope they freeze on their socks. Tennessee might be cold, but this Foxborough man! It’s our territory.” Another man, Dix, clinked his bottle to the first ones and they drank, Chris, following with their own salut and drink.

He turned his attention to the door when it opened, revealing Guillermo and his girlfriend Dora, Garret, and Penny. She had her head turned back and was speaking with someone just outside the door.

“I know right, she looked like you pissed on her Cheerios, she was so mad!” Penny laughed while fully entering the room.

And then he heard it, the laugh that had accompanied his dreams those past two months got louder when it entered the room.

“It’s not my fault she’s wearing stilettos in this weather. It’s fucking freezing and she had on fifteen-inch hills, a dress, and no tights! Who does that for Pete’s sake? Anyway, if she had moved when I said excuse me she wouldn’t have gone down like a sack of potatoes. My ass needs space to move around, you know that!” the girl finished and closed the door behind her, already unbuttoning her jacket. “Gosh, so warm, I love this place, I really do.”

“Yeah, like your ass is really that big Lucy.” Penny also removed her jacket, taking both and handing them over to Garret. “CHRIS!”

Penny sauntered to Chris with open arms, her small frame easily being engulfed by his.

“Welcome back big shot, how’s my favorite Captain?” she said hugging him with all her might. Penny really gave the best hugs he thought while hugging her back.

“I’m the only Captain you know Pen, of course I’m your favorite!”

“Actually, you’re not, our brother JP is also a captain”, she shrugged and moved her eyes to Penny, a smirk on her lips “and I’m telling him you said that!”

“Lucy, don’t you dare!” Penny was smiling while hugging Chris sideways. “Ok, so you’re my favorite fake Captain, JP is my favorite real Captain. How’s that?” she showed her tongue to Lucy before remembering that introductions were in other. “Chris this is my big sister and an even bigger pain in the ass, Lucy Seabrook. BabyBoo, this is the dorkiest man on earth, Chris Evans.”

In the few seconds that it took for Lucy to walk the three steps between them, Chris finally took a good look at the girl. Around 5’4”, she had a full hourglass figure, bigger than what usually attracted him but something about her called to him. A round face with amazing green eyes stared back at him, her full, kissable lips on display sporting a reddish-pink hue. Her red hair had shades going from strawberry blond to mahogany, but the main portion was a deep burnt orange, reaching past her waist and brushing the top of her ass cheeks. While her breasts looked gorgeous on that sweater, he had always been an ass man. And what a great ass that was, all round and perky. His cock twitched at the thoughts running through his mind.

She had dimples when she smiled and he caught himself smiling back with the same intensity, before enveloping her small hands with his.

‘I guess when people talk about feeling a shock going thru them when they meet someone they click with, this is the feeling they’re talking about.’ Chris laughed to cover the shiver that ran through his body.

“Hi.”

[mosquitotoes]

What Makes a Family

Chapter 5: Baby’s Firsts-part 1

Thanksgiving-Nov. 28, 1991

John was driving to Bobby’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. Usually, on Thanksgiving, he would pass out on the couch, holding a bucket of chicken but he decided to do something different this year. Besides, it wouldn’t hurt his boys or him to have a home-cooked meal.

“Alright, boys, leave your stuff in here.” He said, pulling into Bobby’s driveway and turning the engine off. “Yes sir, They said in unison, opening their doors and getting out with John. Grabbing Brooke and her stuff they headed up the stairs of the front porch “Yay, you’we back!” Called a little voice when the front door swung open.

“Hey Vanessa” He chuckled, walking up the steps with the boys. Bobby smiled “Y’all are just in time. The turkey and ham are about done.” He informed, shutting the door once they were all inside. “Good, I’m starving” Sam said, setting the diaper bag on the couch. “I’ll help you set the table, Bobby” John said, taking the cooler to the kitchen.

Once the food was done and the table was set they were all sitting around the big table that Bobby put out. “Daddy, we gots ta say what we’we tankful fow!” Vanessa reminded him from her seat between Sam and Dean. “Do you wanna start us off, darlin’?” He asked, carving up the ham.

Vanessa nodded excitedly “Yeah!” She exclaimed, kneeling up in the chair. “I tankful fow my new fwen Wooke!”  Bobby chuckled, carving up the turkey “Alright, what about you, Dean?” He asked, looking over at the boy. Dean grinned, his candy apple green eyes lighting up “I’m thankful for all this food!” He said happily, making John and Bobby chuckle.

After the rest had said what they were thankful for and their tummies were filled everyone gathered in the living room to watch the Dallas Cowboys versus the Pittsburgh Steelers. “Pack your pie up, boys. It’s getting late and we need to go.” John said, getting up from the couch as Sam and Dean went to the kitchen. Vanessa toddled over to John “I have hug?” She asked, putting her arms little arms up. “Of course, sweetheart” He smiled, bending down to pick her up.

As soon as he lifted her up he felt a sudden sharp pain in his back. Quickly putting her down John groaned in pain and held his back. “You alright, John?” Bobby asked, getting up from his armchair. John slowly sat down on the couch “I think I threw out my back.” He strained, putting a pillow behind him.

“I’ll get the heating pad” Bobby said, walking off toward the bathroom. Vanessa frowned “I sowwy, Unca John.” The man looked at her “It’s not your fault, honey. I’m just old.” He assured her, earning a grin from the four-year-old.

As it turned out getting pinned to a tree and sleeping on a small couch for three days straight wasn’t a good combination at all.

December 24, 1991-Broken Bow, Nebraska

Dean looked at Sam from where he stood at the window of the motel room. “What is that?” He asked, noticing his younger brother wrap something in newspaper funnies on the couch. “Present for Dad” He replied, folding up the edge. Dean scoffed “Yeah, right. Where’d you get the money? Steal it?” Sam taped down a piece “No! Uncle Bobby gave it to me to give to him. Said it was real special.”

“What is it?” Dean asked, looking back at the snow. “A pony” Sam sassed back. “Very funny” Dean said, walking over and sitting down on the couch. “Dad’s gonna be here, right?” Sam asked as Dean picked up a comic book. “He’ll be here” Dean assured him, nodding. “It’s Christmas and Brookie’s first” Sam reminded him, nodding to the bassinet on the coffee table.

“He knows and he’ll be here like he is every year.” Dean said, going back to his comic. Sam nodded “Where is he anyway?” He asked. “On business.” “What kind of business?” “You know that. He sells stuff.” “What kind of stuff?” “Stuff” “Nobody ever tells me anything.” “Then quit asking” Dean said, getting up and moving to one of the beds. Sam kneeled on the couch, resting his arms on the back “Is Dad a spy?” Dean looked up from his comic “Mhm. He’s James Bond.”

“Why do we move around so much?” Sam asked. “Cause everywhere we go they get sick of your face and Brooke’s stinky diapers” Dean told him, continuing to read his comic.  Sam hopped over the couch and leaned on the back. “I’m old enough, Dean. You can tell me the truth.” He insisted. “You don’t want to know the truth. Believe me.” “Is that why we don’t talk about...mom?”

“Shut up! Don’t you ever talk about mom! Ever!” Dean snapped at him, getting off the bed. When he yelled Brooke woke up and started fussing. Dean turned and headed for the door “Wait, where are you going?” Sam asked. “Out” Dean stated, opening the door and slamming it shut once he walked out.

Sam looked over at Brooke “What did I do?” He asked, walking over and picking her up gently “Do you know what I did?” By the time Dean came back it was somewhat dark. “Thought you went out” Sam said, looking up from a comic. “Yeah to get you dinner” Dean replied, tossing him a bag of Funyuns “Don’t forget your vegetables” He told him, heading to the beds.

Sam followed and sat across from him. “I know why you keep a gun under your pillow” He said as Dean opened a can of soda. The older boy lifted his pillow and saw his gun where he had left it. “No you don’t. Stay out of my stuff” He said, putting the pillow down. “And I know why we lay down salt everywhere we go.” Sam informed him. “No, you don’t. Shut up.”

The younger boy leaned back and pulled John’s book out from the mattress, putting it on the nightstand. Dean stood up “Where’d you get that? That’s Dad’s! He’s gonna kick your ass for reading that!” Sam looked up at him “Are monster’s real?” He asked. “What? You’re crazy” Dean scoffed. “Tell me” He urged him.

Dean looked at him and sighed “I swear if you ever tell Dad I told you any of this, I will end you.” Sam nodded “Promise.” The former sat back down on the bed “Well, the first thing you have to know is we have the coolest Dad in the world. He’s a superhero.” Dean started. “He is?” “Yeah. Monsters are real. Dad fights them. He’s fighting them right now.”

“But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren’t real.” “That’s cause he already checked under there. But yeah, they’re real. Almost everything’s real.” “Is Santa real?” Dean scoffed “No” He shook his head. “If monsters are real they could get us. They could get me or Brooke.” Sam frowned.

“Dad’s not gonna let them get you two” Dean assured his little brother. “But what if they get him?” “They aren’t gonna get Dad. Dad’s, like, the best.” “I read in Dad’s book that they got Mom.” Dean sighed sharply “It’s complicated, Sam.”

“If they got Mom, they can get Dad. And if they get Dad, they can get us” Sam reasoned. “It’s not like that” Dean told him, getting up and sitting next to him. “Okay, Dad’s fine. We’re fine. Trust me. You okay?” He asked, patting his shoulder. “Yeah” Sam whispered, looking away from Dean.

This was a lot for an eight year old to take in. Sam felt as though he had been lied to. “Dad’ll be here. Just like he always is” Dean promised. “I just wanna go to sleep, okay?” Sam sniffled, turning around and laying down with his back to Dean. “It’ll all be better when you wake up” Dean told him as Sam cried quietly. “You’ll see. Promise.”

An hour after midnight Sam woke up to Dean shaking him gently “Sam, wake up. Dad was here. Look at what he brought” Dean told him, nodding to the small Christmas tree. “Dad was here?” Sam asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes. “Yeah! Look at this. We made a killing!” He grinned. Sam yawned “Why didn’t he try to wake me up?” He questioned.

“He tried, like, a thousand times.” He replied. “He did?” Dean nodded “Yeah. Did I tell you he would give us Christmas or what? Go on, dive in!” He encouraged. Sam quickly got out of bed, excited to see what he got, and grabbed two gifts, heading to the couch. Dean picked Brooke up gently from her bassinet and sat next to Sam as he started opening the biggest one “What is it?” He asked once Sam got it unwrapped.

“Sapphire Barbie?” Sam asked, showing him the box. Dean chuckled “Dad probably thinks you’re a girl” He teased. “Shut up” Sam laughed, opening the other gift and pulled out a sparkly baton with ribbons sticking out on each side. “Dad never showed did he?” The hazel eyed boy asked, looking over at his brother.

“Yeah, he did. I swear. Maybe that’s for Brooke” He reasoned, nodding to the baby in his arms. Sam gave him his signature bitch face “And what’s she gonna do with it besides drool on it?” He asked “Dean where’d you get this stuff?” Dean looked away from him and sighed “Nice house up the block. I swear I didn’t know they were chick presents.”

“Look I’m sure Dad would’ve been here if he could” Dean reassured him. “If he’s alive” Sam said, looking down. “Don’t say that. Of course he’s alive. He’s Dad.” He told him. Sam nodded, reaching over and grabbing something he wrapped in newspaper funnies. “Here. Take this” He said, handing it to Dean.

The older boy shook his head “No. No, that’s for Dad” He replied. “Dad lied to me. I want you to have it.” “You sure?” “I’m sure.” Dean put Brooke in his lap gently and took the small package from him, opening it and pulling out a necklace with a black cord and a golden head with horns. “Thanks, Sam. I love it” He smiled, putting on.

Sam nodded “Welcome. We should wrap these back up and take them back to that house. At least they can have a nice Christmas.” He said bitterly, picking the wrapping paper up and getting started.

Little did the boys know that John was stuck on the side of the rode with no gas. Luckily he had called Bobby and he’d be by in a few minutes. He would’ve called the boys but he lost reception before he could make a second call. John waved as Bobby pulled up “Sorry to call you out here on Christmas, Bobby” He said as his friend got out of his truck. ���That’s alright. Vanessa wanted to spend Christmas with the boys anyway” Bobby smiled, getting his gas can out of the back and filling up John’s car.

“Hi Unca John!” Vanessa said, leaning out the opened window. John smiled, ruffling her hair “Hey, kiddo. Excited to see the boys and Brooke?” He asked. The four year old nodded excitedly “Yeah!” Bobby chuckled, finishing up “You’re all set, John. Let’s go see those rugrats of yours.”

March 17, 1992-Akron, Ohio

John shook both his boys awake gently “Get ready for school, boys. There’s breakfast sandwiches on the table.” He said, turning on the lights. Dean rubbed his eyes “Do we have to go to school, Dad?” He asked, sitting up. John nodded as he fed Brooke “Yes, you have to” He replied. Even though they moved around alot John still wanted them to have a good education and get good grades.

After both boys ate and got ready John drove them to school. They got to Garfield High first since it was closer to the motel. “Have a good day at school, dude” John said as Dean got out. The thirteen year old slung his backpack over his shoulder “Thanks, Dad, I will.” He smiled, shutting the door and walking up to the entrance. John smiled back “Sammy, you can come sit up front with me if ya want” He said, looking at him from the rearview mirror.

Sam shook his head without looking up from his book “No, thanks” He said, turning the page. John nodded and started driving toward Robinson Elementary. Sam was still mad at John for keeping the whole monsters thing from him. And rightfully so but boy could that kid hold a grudge.

“Have a good day, kiddo” John said, parking in front of the school. Sam closed his book, nodded and got out of the Impala, shutting the door. John sighed as he made his way into the building. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with him, Brooke.” He said, looking down at the three month old.

Brooke cooed and gave him a toothless grin as she chewed on her little gloved hand. John chuckled, driving out of the school parking lot and back to the motel. Once they were back John took off Brooke’s gloves “I know, angel. Let me get you a teething ring” He said, heading to the kitchenette as Brooke fussed. “It’s a good thing I picked some up when I got breakfast, huh?” He stated, opening the freezer and giving one to Brooke.

As soon as the ring was in her little hand she started crying and threw it on the floor. “It’s alright. Shh. We’ll go a different route” He soothed, bouncing her in his arms and opening a cabinet. John grabbed a whiskey bottle and set Brooke in her bassinet. Once he gently rubbed a droplet or two on her gums she calmed down. “See? All better” He smiled, laying her back down gently in her bassinet.

John had done that with his boys before so he really didn’t see a problem with it. “Daddy’s got some research to do so I’m sure you won’t mind watchin’ some Wiggles” He said, making a little fortress of pillows on the bed. Just as he was about to turn on the TV he heard Brooke wheezing. Walking over he saw that his little girl’s cheeks were red and splotchy and her eyes were getting puffy. “Oh shit” He whispered, grabbing Brooke and his keys.

The man bolted out the door, not bothering to lock it or put on his coat, and got into the Impala. John held Brooke close as he floored it to the hospital, praying the whole way. What would’ve been a sixteen minute drive from Econo Lodge to Summa Health System turned into only a five minute drive. John parked at the entrance and busted into the hospital, almost running into a doctor in the process. “Please help my baby!”” He said frantically, practically hyperventilating at this point.

A nurse took her gently from his arms and brought her to one of the exam rooms. The doctor put his hand on his shoulder “We’ll help, sir. Just take a deep breath and explain what happened.” When the doctor put his hand on John’s shoulder the latter felt a sense of calm wash over him. Dr. Custodio guided John to the seating area as he breathed deep “Alright, now what happened?” He asked, sitting down next to him.

Once John told him what had happened the doctor nodded “I’ve seen this pretty often. It’s likely your daughter is allergic to alcohol.” He said, standing up “I’ll go see how I can help and check back with you.” John nodded, standing as well “Thank you, Doctor” He said, shaking his hand. “No problem sir” Dr. Custodio smiled, letting go of his hand and walking off to the exam room.

“How is she, nurse?” Gabriel asked, shutting the door behind him. “A little better now. I’d do more but I’m afraid I’ll activate her powers before she’s ready.” Pele replied with her hand on Brooke’s stomach. Gabriel nodded, rolling up his sleeves “Alright, lemme take over” He said, walking to the other side of the table.

His usual honey colored eyes were bright blue as he put a glowing hand over the tiny baby before him. “Huh, not only is she allergic to alcohol but she also has asthma. Oh and Synesthesia.” Gabriel diagnosed as he continued to heal her. Soon Brooke’s cheeks and eyes were completely clear. Brooke cooed happily, grabbing at his big golden wings. Young kids and babies could see an angels wings.

Some adults could too but that meant that the angel was their guardian. Gabriel chuckled “You like those, huh?” He asked, bouncing her gently. Pele smiled “She’s growing up so fast” She remarked, playing with her curls. “Wanna hold her while I go give him an update?” Her friend asked. Pele nodded “I’d love to” She smiled, taking her gently from him.

Brooke cooed happily, grabbing at her mom’s long curls as Gabe stepped out and headed to the waiting room. John had not stopped pacing back and forth ever since the doctor went into the exam room. “How is she?” The worried father asked, chewing on his thumbnail nervously. “She’s doing just fine right now. We ran some tests and found that she is allergic to alcohol. She also has asthma but that shouldn’t affect her until she’s older.” He explained.

“Thank God” John said, looking up and breathing a sigh of relief that he didn’t know he was holding in until now. “What do I do about her teething then?” He asked, looking at the doctor. “I suggest a cool washcloth and if that doesn’t work then tray a warm one” Dr. Custodio recommended. John nodded “When can I take her home?” He asked, switching his weight to one foot. “I’d like to keep her here for a day or two to keep an eye on her. But you’re welcome to go ahead and see her” He smiled.

John nodded, smiling back “Thanks again, doctor” He said, putting his hand out for him to shake. Dr. Custodio shook his hand, patting him arm “No problem, sir” He said before walking off down the hall. The nurse walked out of the room just as John was walking over “I’ll be by later to bring her some formula.” She smiled. The man nodded, smiling back and looking at her nametag “Thank you, Ember” He said. “It’s no problem. Oh, I need your names” She told him.

“I’m Archer Yar and she’s Natasha.” He replied. Ember nodded “Alright, thank you, Mr. Yar.” She said, heading over to the receptionist’s desk. ‘Of all the names you could’ve picked, John, you decide to go with some from Star Trek? What a nerd.’ She thought, chuckling to herself. John walked in and gingerly picked his babygirl up “Hey, princess. You doin’ alright?” He asked softly, sitting down in the little rocking chair by the bed. “I’m sorry for what I did, sweetheart.” The Hunter told her, kissing her head gently.

Pele stood by the door out of John’s line of sight and smiled, knowing she made the right choice. John rubbed her cheek with his thumb gently “You don’t know how much I love you, pumpkin” He whispered as he rocked in the chair. Brooke grinned slightly, slowly dozing off. John chuckled, glancing over at the clock and seeing it was nearing three. Grabbing his phone from his shirt pocket he dialed on of his friends.

It rang a few times before a man’s voice came through “Hello?”  John held the phone between his shoulder and ear “Hey, Caleb, it’s John. Are you anywhere near Summa Health in Akron?” He asked. “Yeah, I just got done with a hunt in Cuyahoga Falls, why? Something happen?” John got up, bouncing the sleeping baby in his arms “Long story short Brooke’s allergic to alcohol and they wanna keep her for a few days for observation. I just need a favor from you. Do you mind picking the boys up from school?”

“Course not. Just give me the directions and I’m there, man.” A few minutes went by and two young boys walked in with a man “Excuse me, ma’am” He smiled at the receptionist. “Can you tell me where Archer and Natasha Yar are?” The man questioned. The receptionist looked up from her magazine “Room 12. Right down the hall” She replied. Caleb nodded “Thank you. C’mon kiddos” He said, heading down the direction with the boys.

Caleb knocked on the door before opening to reveal John in the rocking chair feeding Brooke. “Hey, boys” He greeted as they ran in. “Hey, Dad. What happened?” Dean asked, getting on the bed with Sam. “I screwed up.” John said simply. “You remember when I would rub Sam’s gums with alcohol to help ‘em?” He asked. His eldest nodded “Yeah I remember” He said.

“Well, as it turns out Brooke’s allergic” John said, putting the bottle on the nightstand and patting her back gently. “Not really your fault, Dad” Sam spoke up. That was the first full sentence he had gotten from him in awhile. John smiled “Still I should’ve had her tested like I had you both tested for your allergies. I knew better but I assumed she’d be alright.” He told them. “And do you know what happens when you assume?” Their father questioned.

Both boys grinned “You make an ass out of you!” They said in unison. “That’s right” John chuckled. Caleb smiled “So is she gonna be okay?” He asked, leaning against the doorframe. John nodded “Yeah, she’ll be fine. The doctor fixed her up real good” He said. “Does that mean we have to spend the night here?” Dean asked.

John nodded “Fraid so, dude” He replied. “Or I can take em back to the motel and watch em until y’all come back” Caleb offered. “You sure?” John asked, looking up at him. The younger Hunter nodded “Positive. It’s been awhile since I’ve hung out with these brats” He said jokingly. John chuckled “Alright, thanks, man.”

Once the two days were up everything went back to the way it had been before.

Easter-April 19, 1992

The Winchesters were in Cape Elizabeth, Maine to visit John’s mom, Millie, and his stepdad, Oscar. They both owned a bed and breakfast called Sandcastle Cove. The fifty-seven year old woman waited on the front porch eagerly despite it being cold. Once the Impala pulled up Millie jogged over “I’m so happy to see you!” She smiled, hugging Sam and Dean tightly once they were out of the car. The boys hugged her back, smiling “Good to see you, too, Grandma” Sam said.

They really didn’t get to see each other very often but John tried to visit every Easter. Millie kissed their heads “You’ve both gotten so big!” She observed as John got out of the car. “Now, what’s this I hear about a new grandbaby?” She asked, turning to her son. John smiled, raising up the bassinet that had a four month old Brooke nestled inside.

Millie beamed “Oh, my goodness! She gorgeous, Johnny” She declared, gently scooping her out of the bassinet. Brooke cooed, grinning at her and showing off her first tooth. “Come on inside. There’s cookies waiting for you” She smiled, walking up the pathway with them. “Where’s Grandpa?” Sam asked, opening the door and walking inside. “He’s down at his auto shop. He’ll be back in a little bit” Millie told them, shutting the door once everyone was inside.

Oscar was the one who taught John everything he knew about cars. “If the weather permits would you two like to go hunt for Easter eggs with some of the local kids?” Millie asked, rocking Brooke gently and holding her close. “Yeah!” The boys exclaimed, munching down on their cookies. Just then the front door opened to Oscar. “Grandpa!” The boys said happily, running over to hug him. Oscar laughed heartily “Hey, boys! Have a good drive?” He asked, hugging them back.

“Yeah! We got to explore the lighthouse yesterday!” Sam grinned. “Ah, Two Lights. I know it well” Oscar nodded, smiling and ruffling his hair. Millie smiled “Ozzy, come meet your granddaughter” She said. Oscar walked over and gently took the baby from Millie’s arms “She’s beautiful” He smiled, looking down at her.

Once they all got acquainted Millie took the kids to the back porch to let them try their hand at whittling. They had learned when they were there last Easter. Millie sat in the rocking chair, feeding Brooke while they whittled. “You boys remember what to do right?” She asked. Sam and Dean nodded “Yes, ma’am” They said in unison, getting started.

After whittling their creations they showed them off to Oscar and John. “I tried to make the Impala” Dean said, holding it up to show them. John smiled, taking it from him gently “It looks just like it. Good job, son” He said, clapping his back. Dean smiled happily “Thanks, Dad” He beamed. “What’d you make, Sammy?” John asked, looking over at him.

“A box!” He smiled, holding it up for them to see. John smiled, taking it from him “Very nice, Sammy” He praised. “We’ll have to sand em down and lacquer or paint em” Oscar smiled. Millie looked out the window “You guys’ll have to do it later because the kids are coming. You boys ready to hunt some eggs?” She asked. “Yeah!” The boys exclaimed, grabbing a basket each.

Millie took them to the big backyard where the kids were gathered. “It’s good to see you all again!” She smiled, looking at them all “I only have one rule: Have fun!” With that the kids were off to look for eggs and Millie went back inside. Sam saw a bright green egg by the swing set.

Once he got close enough to it one of the bigger kids shoved him out of the way and picked it up. “Hey, that’s mine! I saw it first!” Sam glared, getting up and dusting himself off. The boy shrugged “So? I got it first, squirt” He smirked, pushing him again. “Hey! Give it to him and leave him alone!” came a voice.

The boy turned around and was met with candy apple green eyes glaring at him. If looks could kill the older boy would be dust. “Or what, freckles?” He taunted, pushing him slightly. “Or this!” Dean said, punching him square in the jaw. As soon as he punched him he felt pain in his knuckles.

The older boy grabbed his throbbing jaw and glared at Dean “You asked for it!” He declared, tackling him to the ground. The other kids gathered around chanting for them to fight as Sam ran inside to get someone. By the time John had come out Dean had the upper hand. Wading through the sea of children John pulled Dean off the other kid.

“Whoa! Whoa! Hold it!” He raised his voice, holding the other boy back with one hand as the chanting died down. “You have some explaining to do, boy” John said sternly, looking at Dean. They walked back inside with John’s hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Go back to hunting eggs, everyone” Millie said before pointing to the boy that started it all “Except for you. You can go home.”

John handed Dean a bag of ice and sat down next to him at the kitchen table. “Wanna explain what happened out there?” He asked as Dean iced his hand. His eldest son nodded, looking down. “Kid was picking on Sammy then he pushed me. So I punched him and he tackled me.” He explained.

“Am I in trouble?” He asked, looking back up at him. John shook his head “Nah” He said, smiling slightly “But I am gonna teach ya how to punch without hurting your knuckles, though” John chuckled, ruffling his hair.

That was an Easter they’d never forget.