#gonna be very generous with the tw tags. just to be safe

[nonsense-is-everywhere]

(TW: DRAWN BLOOD, DISTURBING VISUALS.)

Wouldn’t it be messed up if-

Inspired by @/libbytwq’s post and @/tophatwearingidiot’s post

[galaxywhump]

going through it, venting in the tags

[towriteloveontheirarms]

Peakaboo! I see you... (modern!Stalker!Aegon II Targaryen x reader)

synopsis: You have always felt safe in your own home, shutting out the scary, real world. Unknowing, that someone stared at you through the large windows almost every day and night. But a window is just glass, and glass… oh it breaks so, so easily…

warnings: Dark fic, non-con, slight somnophilia, stalking, obsession, mentions of alcohol and drinking, afab reader, angst, fluff, smut, oral sex (f receiving), p in v sex

word count: 8k

taglist: @urmomsgirlfriend1, @agqrtz

(If you want to be tagged in the `kissing booth AU´, for a specific character/fandom or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)

a/n: So, in honor of spooky season I started rewatching `You´ and this is what happened. Let me know if I missed any tw´s or anything. I hope y´all enjoy!! <3

When you had moved to King´s landing you found yourself alone and truly scared for the first time in your life. Fleabottom wasn´t the safest place to begin with, but it was the only thing you could afford while attending Uni, leaving you very little safe spaces. One of them being your friend Sarah Snow´s place and the other, your own apartment. Where you could shut out the scary real world with the turn of a key and multiple locks. Cuddling into your bed with your phone, the tv providing the only source of light in the apartment. It´s still early in the evening, but you had always valued a quiet night in over going out to some shitty bar or club or party, like your friends did. You silently shake your head at the thought of Sarah, Aly and Cassandra getting hammered at some party right now. And as if they heard your thoughts your phone starts to ring with an incoming videocall.

“Hey girl!” Aly exclaimed the second you accept the call. Making you hold the phone a little further away at the sheer volume of her voice. You can see your other two friends in the background, getting ready for going out.

“Hey, Aly. What are you up to?” You ask in a much quieter tone.

“We´re going out tonight.” By the way her words slur ever so slightly it is clear that the three of them had been pregaming.

“Okay, but… Why are you calling me? You know I am not in on the whole party thing.” A feeling in your gut told you, that a plan was afoot. A plan you wouldn´t like as much as sitting at home and watching movies.

“You´re coming with us. That´s why.” Cassandra´s voice sounds from the background.

“Oh no. No. No. No.” You insist.

“No, no talking back this time. Your gonna like it. I promise. There is this really niche bar, that has an open mic thing tonight for anyone that wants to share their work. It will be great.” Cassandra tries to convince you in a sweet voice.

“Ugh. Cas, Aly…”

“Come on. You always whine about being insecure about your writing. This could be great for you.” Sometimes you really hated your friends persistence. Especially when her points weren´t even half bad.

“Alright, fine. Send me the address and give me an hour to get ready.” You hear them cheering as you rub your eyes with the hand that isn´t holding up the phone. “But I won´t get behind that microphone. No matter what you say.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just get yourself presentable and come down. We´ll meet you there.” Just as suddenly as they had called you, they hang up again.

You throw your phone to the side and sigh deeply. Running your hands over your face, followed by bringing them down onto your upper thighs in an attempt to motivate yourself. Of course it doesn´t work and so, with another sigh you turn the tv off and hop into the shower. The warm water feels nice on your skin and when the time to step out, the typical feeling of not wanting to leave overcomes you. But you have to get ready if you don’t want to get shit from Sarah or Cas, so you force yourself to put on some light makeup and grab the next best clothes from your closet, that make you look presentable. Looking at the location of the bar you realize that it is only a few subway stops from your place and so you grab your phone, keys and wallet and head out to the station closest to your place. Checking twice if the pepper spray is still in your purse.

You walk down the stairs just in time for the subway to arrive.

When you arrive at the bar Sarah, Cassandra and Aly are already waiting outside. Greeting you with a mutually hollered “Babes!!”

“Heyyy!” You mirror their tone. Putting on a wide smile to not let them see how tired you really were.

Together the four of you enter the bar and the first thing you notice over the low chatter is how stuffed it is already. You barely find a table that fits all of you and immediately order a round of shots. A good choice as it turns out, because you barely have time to put down your coat, when you hear your name announced over the mic. A frown flits over your face, but you don´t have the heart or maybe the energy for a discussion now, so you pound back another shot and get up on the small makeshift stage. You sit down on the uncomfortable bar stool and introduce yourself. Beginning to read the latest excerpt from the book you were writing that you still have on your phone. The audience honestly doesn´t give much of a reaction, aside from your friend´s aggressive cheers. And the spotlight blinds you a bit, letting your anxiety practically spike. You can hear your voice shake as you read. Your hands and legs still tremble when you finally get back to the table.

“Y´all are such assholes. I told you I didn´t wanna read…” You protested as you take a drink from them.

“Aw, you were great either way, babes. Now come on. Let´s enjoy the evening.” Sarah tries to keep peace, laying a soothing hand on your arm. You know she means well. All of them do, but you still feel kind of hurt, that they had gone behind your back like that.

Over all the commotion and the people that read after you, you completely ignore the blonde stranger who, ever since you had entered the bar, couldn´t seem to turn his eyes away from you. Blissfully unaware of the dark thoughts behind them. And it stays that way until you leave. Tipsy, staggering up to the uber under his hidden watchful eyes. You close the door behind you and push the feeling of being watched aside as a side effect of being a woman alone in the outside world. He follows you in his own car. Thoughts of needing to have you and being the one for you swirling in his mind and possessing his every thought. Your mind however is occupied with the need for sleep and so he goes easily unnoticed. Looking through the widow of your ground level apartment as you undress and go to bed in only your underwear. He can even count himself lucky enough to go unnoticed by you over the next few days as you follow your usual routine. Going to the gym, the library, lessons, grocery shopping. Whatever you do, his eyes are on you. Until he is sure he knows your schedule by heart. Moving him along to step two of his plan.

You meet up with your friends at a bar again. A different one this time and on your own accord. It was the last day before spring break and them all leaving to visit home. All of them except for you. You don´t mind not going home so much as being alone for a whole week. So, you make sure to enjoy the evening with them and once again ignore the feeling of being watched that had sat in the back of your brain for the past week or so. And when you go to get another round of drinks, that´s when he strikes.

You make your way over to the bar. Not really looking where you are going, when you run into someone. Their drink spilling all over the front of your shirt. You jump back as the wet fabric clings to your skin.

“Woah, I´m so sorry. Are you okay?” The stranger gives you a bright smile, flashing his perfect teeth. A smile that reaches his lilac eyes. Making them sparkle and crinkling their corners. He holds out some napkins for the stain that steadily grows more uncomfortable.

“Thank you. Yes, no. Yeah, I´m alright. Uh, I´m sorry too. I totally didn´t watch where I was going.” You tap at the stain in order to hopefully take some of it off. Smiling back at him. You can´t help but to. “Let me buy you a new drink. To make up for all of that.”

“No, no. I should buy you one. I totally ruined your shirt. I insist.” He is so effortlessly sympathetic that you couldn´t even protest against his words if you wanted to.

“Okay.” Youn nod and follow him to the bar, where you sit down together.

“I´m Aegon, by the way.” He extends his hand for you to shake, which you do while offering up your name.

“It´s nice to meet you, Aegon.” The two of you order drinks and fall into conversation easily. Talking about anything and everything until you feel your phone vibrate inside of your pocket. Pulling it out you see Cassandra´s name on the screen. Reminding you of who you actually came here with and why.

Another glance at the clock tells you, that it is well past midnight.

“Shit, I didn´t realize it was that late already.” You turn to him to say goodbye. Ready to never see this handsome not so strange stranger ever again, when he makes you another offer.

“Want me to drive you home? It´s probably not safe out there at this time of night.”

“That would actually be so great, but I´d hate to inconvenience you. I probably live in the whole other direction from where you need to go.” You rub your neck. Taking a step back, ready to leave to say goodbye to your friends.

“Come on, it would be my pleasure to do that for you. I would hate for something to happen to you on your way home. Just say yes.” Aegon´s gaze is so intense and there is only one thought behind them, that the alcohol has made you ignorant of to his luck. If you leave alone now, he wasted his chance.

You sigh. “Okay, alright. Thank you so much. I just need to say bye to my friends and then we can go.”

He offers you his jacket to hide the stained shirt and then follows your lead back to the table.

“Hey, girls. I´m super sorry I just dipped, but I met Aegon and he´s gonna drive me home now. I´ll explain tomorrow. Okay?”

“Yeah, alright. Just be safe and don´t do anything we wouldn´t do.” They wink at you and turn back to their conversation as you and Aegon make your way outside to his car.

Ever so gentlemanly he opens the door to the passenger side of the golden Mercedes s-class for you, making you curtsy jokingly and giggle, then walks around to the driver side, to get in himself.

The two of you find your way back into the conversation and so you don´t even realize that you never actually told him were you lived. Nevertheless he pulls up in front of your apartment complex in no time.

“I had a really nice evening with you tonight.” He says with another wide grin and soft chuckle.

“Me too. And I´m sorry again for that drink. One would think that at my age I would´ve learned how to watch where I´m going.” You run a hand through your hair. Still slightly embarrassed about your carelessness.

“No, again, it is fine. I should have watched my steps as well, but if you really want to apologize you could give me your number? And we could meet up again some time. I´m guessing you´re on spring break too now.” It´s almost frustrating how good he looks with his head tilted and those beautiful lilac puppy dog eyes. If there was any doubt about wanting to see him again, they are all gone now. You need to see him again. So, you pull out your phone and give him your number.

“Don´t let me wait too long before I hear from you.” You give him one last smile before exiting the car. He sits in the car until you close the building door behind you and then parks his car around the corner to go back and observe you for a bit longer without being overly obvious.

Through the large windows Aegon watches you like every night of the past week. Stepping out of your clothes, doing your nightly skincare routine, before slipping on the smallest pair of pajamas he had ever seen and slip underneath the covers to watch some more tv. Falling asleep in front of it. All with an almost dorky smile. He thinks you are the cutest thing he has ever seen. The way you are so excited about your little meeting is something he has never seen in his life and he is instantly hooked. Fantasies about you being all excited and running up to him when he enters the apartment after a long day out enter his mind. Thoughts about sharing the sweetest kisses. When he opens his eyes he sees something that isn´t as innocent as he first perceived you.

Your hands caress your breasts and wander bellow the blanket, your back arching as they enter your core.

Aegon lets out a breathless curse. His own hand wandering inside his pants to tug on his length. His thoughts turn instantly. From innocent kisses to you arching your back up until your breasts touch his chest. Writhing and squirming underneath him from the pleasure he is giving you. Your tight walls fluttering around his cock as you come from the circles his thumb rubs into your clit. He has to clamp his hand over his mouth so you don´t hear him moan outside of your window. Once he´s finished, he leaves. Not wanting to push his luck, but definitely looking forward to the next time he´d see you.

The next morning you text the girls group chat. Apologizing for your behavior the previous night, by telling them every detail about the conversation with Aegon. How nice he was to you and how you thought that maybe, after a couple more dates, you could say he is the one. And as if he smelled you were talking about him in that moment you get a message from Aegon. Asking you out for coffee. You try to hide the smile that forces its way onto your mouth by biting your lower lip, even though there is no one there to hide it from. You answer him quickly and this time take a little extra time getting ready. Facetiming Aly, who is the only one that isn´t on a plane yet, to consult her on what best to wear. Even if she teases you relentlessly about being so nervous about a simple coffee date.

The truth is you haven´t been out on an actual date in years. Not after your last boyfriend had broken up with you for reasons only known to that absolute piece of shit. You had wasted three years pf your life on him and he couldn´t even give you a reason as to why he didn´t want to be with you anymore all of a sudden.

You take a deep breath to calm your nerves and hopefully stop the bouncing on your leg. Entering the small café he had asked you out to where you find him already sat at a table. A half smirk spreads his face. And by the seven you have to calm yourself down not to do anything embarrassing as a result of the glee you feel upon seeing him.

“Hey, I didn´t make you wait too long did I?” You ask bashfully.

“No worries. I basically just sat down.” He assures you. Watching with careful eyes as you take of your coat to reveal the dress you had chosen with Aly´s help and are now second guessing if the choice hadn´t been a bit too revealing.

“Phew, I´m glad to hear that. I hate making people wait for me.” You wipe away an imaginary drop of sweat and chuckle.

“Nah, you´re good.” He goes to say something else, but in that moment a waitress interrupts him to take your order. Which of course Aegon makes a mental note of. Just like anything he had learned about you so far. The waitress, an older woman, seems to recognize the nature of your meeting and how nervous you are and gives you an encouraging smile. You smile back at her and make sure to remember to tip her later.

“Alright so, normally I´d ask how you have been, but since we last saw each other last night I guess did you come home well yesterday?” You quipped.

“Yeah, I did. How about you?” The two of you share a laugh. Without the alcohol in your system he seems even more effortlessly charming. Coffee gets followed by dinner, which he invites you to. Talking about family, life, dreams and aspirations. You tell him about your parents’ divorce, the relationship you have with all of them, how studying and writing is going. How your dream is to be published one day. You open up to him more than you ever have to anyone in that short amount of time and he listens. He listens so well. Telling you about his studies and his father’s company, that he will inherit one day, yet he never makes you feel small compared to him, like others would probably make you feel. It would be easy to, but he just doesn´t. And your feelings for him grow ever stronger. He even persists on paying for you. Saying that you could pay the next dinner, but the two of you are aware that you could never earn enough money to pay a meal this expensive.

At the end of the day he drops you off at home once more, but when you hug him goodbye whispering “Thank you so much. I had such a great time today.” Into his ear he goes in for a kiss.

It’s a possessive claiming of your mouth kind of kiss. All clashing teeth and heavy bursts of breath. Wandering hands, pulling on clothes in a needy attempt to get the close proximity you both want so deeply. He pulls the air from your lungs only to breath it back into them a second later. It´s hard to do, but in the end you manage to pull away.

“It´s late. We should continue this another time.” You whisper with your forehead resting against his shoulder. Everything inside of you screams to keep going, but your brain told you to take it slow. To savor it.

“Okay. I can´t wait.” He lays a peck on the shell of your ear. Letting you go reluctantly. “Text me when you get home.”

You chuckle and step out of the car. Pulling out your phone the second you close the door behind you to text him a quick `I´m home. Had such a great time with you. Can´t wait to do this again <3´.

He watches the glow of the screen vanish behind the large window. Replying with a `Same. Sweet dreams<3´, but this time he doesn´t stay around to watch you. Instead he goes home to sink into one of the dreams he had ever since he met you. One where he watches you sleep in the morning, the rising sun and the way you lay sprawled out beside him making you look like an utter goddess. And then you wake up to give him a smile that makes him feel like he has a heart attack. It feels so real that when he wakes up to another text from you, he has to pull himself together to not mess up his carefully hatched out plan. His train of thought gets interrupted by his phone ringing.

“Good morning…” Your raspy morning voice comes out of the speaker. You sound absolutely gorgeous to him. Making his eyes roll back into his head a little.

“Good morning, doll. What´s up?” The smirk on his face is audible in his voice.

“Nothing much. I just wanted to hear your voice.” You murmur, rubbing your eyes. “Oh gods, that sounded so cheesy. I´m sorry.”

“Hey, you´re good. I actually think that´s really cute.” He muses.

“Oh? Well, I guess I don´t have to feel like it is too soon when I tell you I had the weirdest dream tonight.” You chuckle and clear your throat from the sleepiness.

“Really? Do tell.”

“I don´t know. I can only remember that we were together, in my apartment and I guess you were watching me sleep and it felt so real… I probably sound so weird right now.” You scoff at yourself. Wondering why you even told him that.

He on the other hand chuckles at your confession. Cursing himself out in his mind, to will himself to stay strong.

“I had the same dream. I hope you don´t think I´m like a stalker or obsessed or something now.” His tone is lighthearted, but the gods now he needs you to stay unconscious of that side of him. No, he wasn´t any of those things. He was looking out for you. You meant a lot to him and that meant he wanted to protect you. “So, you know. You at least aren´t weirder than I am.”

Sadly you have a shit ton to study, before spring break ends and so you aren’t able to meet again in the coming days. Of course that doesn´t mean that he can´t see you though. The feeling of being watched follows you around like a burning shadow throughout that time. Yet you push it away. Telling yourself that it was probably just exam stress or social anxiety or something. Which Aegon, knowing you as well as he does, is grateful for. Usually he would hate to see you anxious or stressed, wanting to take all that burdens you off you, but when it came to him getting caught… Well, not that he was doing anything wrong, but experience has taught him, that people tended to see things differently from him.

So he stays hidden. Texting and calling you every day and watching you sink your fingers or a toy into your sweet cunt each night. Every time he is overcome by thoughts of how you would make so much sweeter sounds if it was his length that your walls where fluttering around as wave after wave of pleasure rolls over you. Each time he reminds himself anew that things are going steady with you and it would  only be a short while until those thoughts became a reality.

On one of those evenings you surprise him with another call. Curses fall from his lips under his breath as he scrambles around the corner, praying that you haven´t heard his phone.

“Hey…” He says after pressing the green button on the screen.

“Hey, is this a bad time? You sound kinda out of breath.” Your voice chirps on the line.

“No, you could never call at a bad time.” Except for now kinda. “What´s up? Didn´t you say you wanted to write all day?”

“Yeah, I did. When my friends come back tomorrow there will be little chance to do so uninterrupted, but um… I couldn´t focus. Like at all.” You murmur.

“Oh, can I do anything to help?” he purrs.

“You could get some Starbucks and come over?” You ask in the most tempting voice you could offer. Not that he needed much persuasion to tend to any of your wishes as soon as you asked.

“Sure. I´m on my way.”

“You´re the best. Thanks.” You chirp and then the only thing that can be heard on this side of the line is the tone of the disconnected call from the device in his hand. Sprinting to his car, he almost drops his keys in anticipation at the prospect of spending time with you. Basically racing to your favorite coffee shop to get coffee, and some pastries he knew would be more than happy about right now. He knew, knowing everything about you would come in handy one day.

At the same time you put your laptop to the side. Trying to find something to pass the time until he would arrive. Which was harder to do than you would have thought and so with nothing to do, you decide to put some effort in your little meeting. Sitting down in front of the small closet to look for a cute dress to put in. Getting ready just in time for a knock on the door.

“Come in, it´s open.” You yell as you go to sit back down on the couch.

“You know, you probably shouldn´t leave your door unlocked in this neighborhood. Whoa…” He stops in the doorway when he sees you.

“Wh-What?” You tilt your head and look at him with confusion in your wide eyes. You look so innocent right now.

“Do you always write like that?” Aegon puts down the snacks and vaguely motions to your outfit of choice. “Cause… If so, I want to always be around for it.”

You can´t hide the snorting laughter that forces it´s way out of your lungs. “That´s really sweet, but no. I usually don´t look like this at all when I write. In fact I usually look so much worse you would want to stay as far away from me as possible.”

“I seriously doubt I anything in this world could ever make me want to stay away from you.” Aegon lays his gentle hands on your shoulders and a feeling of warmth spreads in your guts.

You look up at him through your lashes and before you know it your eyes flutter close. Then, a moment later, your lips meet his in the most gentle kiss ever. And you don´t know when things escalate. If it is when your hands come up to cup his cheeks. If it is when you stand on your tip toes to make it easier to deepen the kiss ever so slightly or when his tongue presses against your lower lip to silently ask for entrance. The result is the same. The two of you forgot about why he came over in the first place and abandon everything to make yourselves more comfortable in the bedroom. Rolling around the mattress as you make out heavily. His hands are everywhere on your body at the same time, just as yours are on his. Each touch feels like the right thing to do. The only thing that feels even more right is the way he sinks himself into your tight, warm walls. Like he had wanted from the moment he first saw you.

He´s so careful not to hurt you and as you lay in his arms afterwards, cuddled close, his finger drawing small patterns on your shoulder, you can´t hold back the smile. This is the fastest you have ever gone this far with a person. Mostly out of fear, that they would only want to use you for it. Yet even after only one official date with him, you know there is no reason to be afraid. It´s almost funny how shortly you have known each other and yet you rely on him for everything. He knows you so well already, has an incredible gift of listening and observing, like no one else you had met before. Ever. Before you notice it, a giggle falls from your lips, just as he kisses your temple.

“What´s so funny, doll?” Fuck, even the nickname you usually hated sounded so good from his lips.

“Nothing, just… I just thought about how shortly we´ve known each other and yet we know so much about each other already. I never had that.” You say in an amused tone.

“I´m gonna go ahead and take that as a good thing.” He huffs a chuckle.

“Oh yes, definitely. I honestly love how open we can be with each other.” Oh if only you knew.

“Me too.” He mumbles into the crown of your head. Placing another peck there.

As it turns out it isn´t only the first time you sleep with him, but also the first time you spend the night together. Your activities had robbed all of your energy and with a little more quiet chatter, the two of you slide of into slumberland.

You are sad to watch him leave the next morning, but the alarm on your phone, that interrupts your romantic little breakfast that Aegon had cooked, painfully reminds you, that you promised to pick up Aly from the airport.

“I´ll call you later, okay?” You promise him as he steps out of your car.

“I can´t wait already.” He replies.

You make your way to meet your friend and of course he follows you once again. Extra careful that you don´t see his car. It wasn´t necessarily low-key after all. Things are easier once he follows you into a café that looks like no ordinary student could pay for the food there already, keeping a close eye on you as you and your friend order brunch, nothing unconventional from what you have told him about her and your other friends. He starts to toy with the idea of leaving to not get caught, when something Aly says makes his ears perk up.

“So, how is it going with your new favorite person?” Her tone is light and she wiggles her eyebrows at you.

“I already told you to stop calling him that.” You laugh at her antics. “And don´t even try calling him my boyfriend. We haven´t even been on two dates yet.”

“Yeah, alright. Not even on two dates, but he has also been inside of you and has spent the night at your place after getting you snacks simply because you asked him to…” she shoots you an unbelieving look. “Like seriously. And you haven´t even told me all the dirty little details yet. Bitch, you owe me. I thought we were friends.”

If his heart beat higher before, when the word boyfriend left your lips, it beats even higher now at the mention of your night together.

“There´s not much to tell.” You try to deflect.

Not much to tell? He asks himself. He thought he had done better than `not much to tell´.

“Oh hells no. You know I won´t let you off that easy.”  She persists.

“Alright. Okay. It was great. He was so sweet and made sure to make me come like two times before he thought about himself. You happy now?” You try to keep your voice down as much as possible so the people around you don´t hear. Which is only a half success as Aly´s squeal gets you some of the unwanted attention anyway.

“Was he big?” Her question earns a shocked expression and gasp from you. And a concealed giggle from Aegon.

“I mean I guess. You know I don´t have much to compare it to, but I´d say he was solid.” You shrug. “Now can we please change the topic? How was your time with the family.”

Aly starts on a rant about everything her family did and said and so Aegon decides to go before he truly overtaxes his luck.

As he walks by the window you are sitting close to, you think it is him, weighing the options of saying something or not, deciding against it. You were just imagining things, because Aly was talking without a single pause and you missed him. You sigh, trying to concentrate on whatever your friend was talking about.

When you finally get home it is late afternoon already and you are pretty tired, but you can´t pass up on the call you promised Aegon.

“Hello there.” He picks up.

“General Kenobi.” You answer in the fashion that the Star wars quote commands.

“How did it go with your friend?” He asks feigning genuine interest as if he hadn´t been there for the most interesting part.

“Yeah, it went well. I just got home, basically.” You sigh and rub your eyes, who were burning for some reason.

“Wow.” He huffs amusedly.

“You can say that loudly. I originally planned on asking you if you want to come over, but I totally forgot that I have an early class tomorrow that I need to prepare something for. This week is gonna kick my ass…”

“Ah, damn. So how about we meet up Friday evening? I could pick you up and we could check out this new bar that just opened.” He suggests. Knowing already what this meant for the coming days.

“That would be so cool.” A yawn interrupts what you were saying. “Gods I´m sorry I´m really tired. Would you be mad if we hang up now and I´ll text you again before class?”

“Not at all. You go ahead and do your thing. I´ll hear from you tomorrow.” He reassures you.

“Thank you. Good night, Aeg.” You chirp.

“You have a good night too and don´t overdo it with the studying.”

“I won´t, mom.” Your faux annoyed tone gets broken up by one last chuckle before the two of you hang up. You always laugh so much with him. More than with anyone else and at the same time your deep talks are on such a level you don´t know how to express it to your friends.

You have always felt safe in your own home, shutting out the scary, real world. Unknowing, that someone stared at you through the large windows almost every day and night. But a window is just glass, and glass… oh it breaks so, so easily…

Friday takes forever to roll around, but when it finally does, nothing can wipe the smile from your face. Your mood is basically indestructible. As is his. You sing and dance your way all through out getting ready and when Aegon rings the bell you open the door with a spring in your step.

“Someone´s in a good mood.” Aegon muses.

“Just happy about seeing you.” You admit. Hugging him and kissing his cheek as a greeting. “Lemme just grab my purse and then we can go.”

You lock the door behind you and together he drives you out to a place that can hardly be classified as a bar. Upon entering the place you feel massively underdressed, but he doesn´t seem to care. He is just happy to be there with you and you are happy to be there with him. He asks about your week and how your writing is going while you sip one drink after another until you feel a light buzz. The alcohol making your insides feel as warm as his presence and his hand on your thigh do. Over the duration of the evening you gradually move closer, but by the time he drops you off, he lets you go with just a quick peck to your lips.

“Thank you for the nice evening.” You rub your eyes. Wanting to say something, anything to stay close to him just a bit longer, but your tired and tipsy mind can´t come up with anything.

“With you it´s always a nice evening. Now go on. Get to bed before you fall asleep in the passenger seat.” He squeezes your thigh one last time before he lets you open the door to head inside.

As always he parks his car around the corner to watch you until you fall asleep, but somehow tonight something is different.

Aegon feels a strange sensation tugging at his heart. A longing. To have you right this second. He doesn´t know what comes over him, but without a second thought he takes one of the stones in front of your window and throws it at the glass. It was meant to tap the glass, at least that´s what he tells himself, but instead it breaks it.

Fuck, Aegon curses under his breath, praying to the seven or any other deity that is willing to hear him that you didn´t wake up from the commotion. When your apartment stays silent, he decides that it isn´t safe for you alone with the broken window situation. It takes a few tries, but in the end he manages to climb through it. Keen on not making to much noise while walking over the shards on the ground, he tiptoes over to your bed.

You lay with your back towards the free side and so it is easy for him to slide in under the covers as well. He presses his chest as close to your back as possible, his hand laying innocently but protectively over your waist.

Aegon kisses your temple and silently promises to not close an eye, to watch over you, all night.

But the night is long and having you so close to him, smelling your shampoo and feeling your hips rub against his every time you shift in your sleep, makes it hard to keep his hand there. It also made him hard. The next time you shift in your sleeping state, his hand wanders down to your thighs. Once more and it lands trapped between them. Gently caressing your slit through the thin material of your leggings.

You sigh and stir lightly at his touch, but don´t wake up. Instead you just press yourself closer to him in your unconscious state. The action prompts Aegon to bite his lip to stifle the moan that wants to break free from his lungs. He can´t give himself away like this. He would only scare you and that is the last thing he wants to do. You simply look so good, how could anyone help themselves. You can be lucky he is there to watch over you.

A quiet moan comes from you as he continues his ministrations. The touch barely light enough to tease, but that heavenly sound pushes him further.

His hand slips underneath the waistband, past your lace panties and finds your already wet heat.

“Fuck.” He whispers, pushing two of his thick fingers inside of your entrance. He wants to take things so much further, but if he wants you to stay asleep he has to be careful. He pumps the two digits in and out of you at a slow pace. Feeling you grow even wetter as you squirm, quiet moans the only tell for the pleasurable feeling you are experiencing. He speeds up the movement of his fingers slightly, until he can´t take the lewd noises coming from your core anymore. He just has to taste you or he was sure he would die right then and there.

He shifts his position on the mattress, turning you onto your back, pausing when you stir again, moving to lay between your legs. Your pants are discarded and carelessly thrown to the side, before he dives in for the first taste of your heavenly center. He regrets not taking the time to appreciate your body the way it deserves, but he needs you so much there is no time for that now. His tongue licks a stripe up the length of your cunt, moaning at the sweet taste. And when he hears your own quiet moan and sees how you bring your hips closer to his face he is unstoppable. His tongue delves into you, fucking you with it and recklessly. Reaping every single one of your little noises and movements. He is so far gone that he doesn´t even realize, that with every new stir you start to wake up a little more.

At first your mind is still foggy with sleep and the pleasurable feeling his lips and tongue bring you. Your hand instinctively treads itself into his hair. But when you fully come to You scramble backwards until your back hits the headboard. His mouth chasing after you before he realizes what has happened and looks up at you.

“Aegon?! What are you doing here?” You gasp.

“Shh, it´s okay. Just let me worship you in the way you deserve.” Aegon slides his hand up your calf in a feather light touch.

“How did you get in here?” You ask, becoming more panicked.

“The door. I told you, you need to be more careful. You are lucky I came here to protect you.” His voice is soothing and so deep. And so you relax a little, leaning back as he resumes his previous activities.

But somehow something just feels wrong. Like a feeling in your gut. This is so unlike anything he has shown you of himself. Thinking about it he hadn´t shown you all that much in the first place. And that feeling just won´t let itself be shaken off so you shove his head away once more.

“Can we please just go back to sleep? I don´t really feel entirely in the mood right now.”

“Oh doll, that sounded much different a while ago. I didn´t even touch you all that much, yet you were still soaking those lace panties for me.” He climbs on top of you, rasping the words into your ear. “And the position I found you laying in… You´re such a fucking tease. It´s like you were begging for it.”

A sickening cold fear spreads in your system. A yelp leaving your mouth as he pulls you down by the ankle so your core is pressed to his. You are too in shock to return his kiss when he forcefully presses his mouth to yours. This is not the Aegon you know, but something tells you that this is the real Aegon. Coming back from the shocked state, you try to push him away. Hands pressed to his chest and legs eagerly searching for a way out, but he is too strong.

“I don´t want this, Aegon. Please stop.” You whimper into his shoulder as he mouths at your neck. Nibbling at all the most sensitive spots. Hating yourself for the growing even wetter as he rubs his length against your core. You don´t even know how or when he rid himself of his own pants. All you know is, that he now is pulling on your night shirt. Eager to get it off while simultaneously pinning your wrists down over your head so you would stop pushing him away.

As it turns out it is harder to do than imagined and so another yelp falls from your lips as he rips the fabric off your body. Your chest moving with fast and harsh breaths.

“Shh, everything´s alright. I´m here to take care of you.” He silences you with another unrequited, bruising kiss.

You are helpless against him, squirming and writhing underneath his much larger frame. This whole situation is so absurd and to add to all of it, when you bite his lower lip in a desperate attempt of self defense and getting the upper hand, he simply laughs. Tears start to prick in your eyes as the sound reaches your ears. As much as you want to blink them away they free themselves. Running down your burning cheeks accompanied  by a sob.

“Aww, don´t cry doll. I´m going to  make you feel so good. Just relax and let it wash over you.” His free hand wanders down to roughly caress one of your breasts. Rolling and tweaking the nipple between his fingers until the bundle of nerves stands hard at attention and your back arches off the bed. Which he takes as the sign to go ahead in what he is doing. Bringing his mouth down to the other breast, sucking and kissing on it until that nipple looks much the same like the other.

With one swift motion Aegon pushes inside of you, his cock stretching you out like no one had before. It is nothing like your first time together. He immediately starts to thrust inside of you at a fast pace.

"Aegon... please... st-op." You cry out to him to no avail.

Rutting into you at an almost breakneck pace. His head bows down and you feel puffs of hot breath hit the skin where your neck and shoulder meet. The feeling is utterly upsetting and you want to throw up at the same time you lost all the strength in your body. It´s all futile.

“I already told you I´m not gonna stop. You know deep down that you enjoy this. So why don´t you make this easier for yourself and stop fighting it.” His teeth sink into your tender skin harshly.

"Aahhh! Fuck, that hurts! Why are you doing this?" You question him.

"Because you deserve to be worshipped. You are a goddess walking amongst men." He nibbles on your ear. Much softer than the bite before, but that doesn't make anything better.

His hips continue to piston into yours. The sound of wet skin slapping against skin filling the otherwise quiet apartment alongside with your bitter cries. The moon outside is the only source of light illuminating his features.

You try to turn your head away from him, but he forces it back by your chin. So instead you close your eyes. You can´t stand to look at him anymore. His face that looked so sweet and innocent to you before is now distorted into a grimace of sick pleasure. Eyes closely watching your every reaction and a sheen of sweat covering his skin, sticking the front locks of his silver blond hair to his forehead.

With a few more thrusts he comes inside of you and for a short moment you have the hope that this is it. Aegon relaxes against you, but as your cries become weaker you notice how he only seems to get harder inside your warmth.

“Can you please let me go now?” You try again with a quiet, shaky voice.

“Oh, you think I am done with you yet? No no no. We are done when you come around my cock and accept me for who I am. What you made me.” His tone is nothing short of condescending and he tuts at you as your crying grows hysterical again.

You guess the gesture is supposed to soothe you, but it has the exact opposite effect.

You cry yourself into a near state of incoherency as he pushes your knees up against your chest forcefully, giving him a whole new angle inside of you. The way the head of his cock bullies your sweet spot is the final straw. It hurts. Despite it feeling so wrong it feels so good. You hate yourself even more as inadvertent pleasure runs through you like electricity. Making your toes curl and your eyes roll back. You scream louder with every thrust of his until you are near voiceless. You try to remind yourself that your body reacting to it doesn´t make it any more right and it doesn´t mean that you secretly enjoy it. But it´s so hard.

“You like it deep, don´t you?” Aegon´s voice in your ear painfully pulls you back into reality.

“Please.” You beg one last time, but the plea, just like all the others, falls onto deaf ears.

Your body gives up any last fight it has left. Quietly sobbing when your walls flutter around him and your hips start to shake. A wave of pleasure, or maybe just disguised shame, washes over you, provoking Aegon´s second orgasm.

“You are mine. You will never leave me. No one can love you like I do.” His voice sounds so soft. So genuine.

You almost want to believe him, but that would require a level of coherency you currently do not possess.

As you lay there with your whole body shaking, trying to come down from this experience and waiting for what he would do next, you ask yourself where things had gone wrong. What did you do to provoke this? To deserve this? Yet no matter how hard you pray to the seven for a sign or anything at all really, you don´t get an answer.

[voidedmuffin]

Hey Systems!

Mostly directed at the Quotev refugees, but obviously anyone is welcome! Also, if you're a kinnie, there's also stuff in here for you regarding sourcecalls and fun blogs!)

First of all, hi. I feel weird doing this on my main blog since I'm not exactly public with it, but I figured it'd be less confusing. Yay

Feel free to ask questions in the comments/reblogs/notes on this post or in my blog inbox(you can do so anonymously as well, but you won't get a notif for it). Lemme know if I missed anything

This is a Lot of ground to cover, and therefore a long post!

System related tags, blogs and sideblogs, source/canoncalls, system-related blogs

Basic system-related tags and what they mean:

#sysblr General system tag for when you're just talking about assorted system stuff, or being yourself and would like the system community to see. Alt related #system stuff, #sys stuff, #system, #plural, #plurality

#actually did, #actually osdd Posting about the disorder itself. Whether it's studies or your specific experiences with it

#syscourse System-related discourse. It's common courtesy to leave the other sys-related tags off syscourse posts because it's rude to drag people in who are casually scrolling through a tag not wanting to see syscourse

#endo safe + #anti endo Endogenic systems are ones that form without trauma. Have whatever opinion on them you want. It's just a tag to welcome/ask them to leave. Alt related #anit endo, #pro endo

#[system/introject/etc] positivity Your usual positivity posts!

#sourcecall If you have fictives that are wanting to reach out for sourcemates from their piece of media, you're gonna wanna tag with this! You can also find blogs that allow you to submit to them anonymously to find sourcemates. Alt related #canoncall

#fictive, #factive I think this is self-explanatory. Posting about fictives/factives--being one with experiences, or looking for others. Related to source calls, you'll also want to tag with #[media] fictive, #[character] fictive. I'll get into how to go about making these posts later, along with those blog reqs. Alt related #introject

Blogs and sideblogs

Obviously, you'll have your main blog that you make when you get Tumblr(mine is @voidedmuffin, as you see here), but Tumblr allows the unique ability to have multiple sideblogs completely separate from your main. Some people use this feature to make a spam blog, art blog, interest blog, ask blog, etc. A common thing with the system community here is alter-specific blogs and/or a general system blog for catchall stuff. I'll be using some of ours as examples

Starting with comparing them. @legsystem is our general catchall system blog that our alters can post to publically or anonymously. I tend Not to post system-related things on my personal blog, just cuz I'm a little private about it. @timdrakesstaff is a fictive alter of Tim Drake from DC(he's a loser, lol). He made his own blog to interact with others as himself without needing to mask as the host. Some other alters Also use his blog because they like encroaching on others' property, lol

Our immediate bios aren't very descriptive because of our private nature, but it gets the jist across of pronouns and age. Some system blogs will link their Carrd or Rentry here, or do that in a different post.

The reason Tim's blog has two URLs listed is because if you view it on desktop, you can see a very personalized page! Very cool Tumblr feature that you can find layouts for!! That means you layout makers have enrichment here still! In fact, you have a lot more wiggle room!

Now, if you scroll down on Legsystem, you will see a pinned post

... Ignore that typo, lol

It just lays out some more information and ground rules. This is often where people will put their DNI's and stuff. We didn't use a lot of tags on it just out of preference. These can be as short or as long as you want. You don't even have to have one if you don't want to!

Sourcecalls/Canoncalls

The main difference between these two things is that the system community tends to not use the canoncall tag, as that's primarily used by the kin community, cuz it's a spiritual multiversal connection thing? I dunno, my knowledge on kinning comes from 2017-2020 Qutev kinmunity and uhhhhh, that was just a large group of systems who Didn't Know Yet, lmfao. Sourcecalls are just for finding fictives from the same source as you!

Like I said, there are lots of blogs out there that let you submit anonymously for a source. @findinyourkin @findthebae @kincalling @problematickincalls1(specifically for problematic sources or characters, or specific timelines. They don't tag triggers, so be mindful) among many other blogs, I just know that these are popular and active ones to use!

These blogs will often have their own criteria for sourcecalls, but it usually follows Character-source-age-age range you comfy with-contact with added option of adding in memories you have to make your distinguishable or who in particular you might be looking for. Some blogs ask you to specificy if you're kin/fictive and if you're okay with the other interacting As for contact, you can link/@ a blog in the call, reblog the call to said blog, or add a "interact(like/rb) this post and I'll reach out to you!". You can turn on notifications for a post, but it doesn't always work

When you go to look for sourcemates, you'll want to look up the #[media] fictive or #[character] fictive. (Alternatively #[media] kin or #[character] kin). The former is Everything, the latter is for a specific person. This can be used to find that specific guy you might be looking for "I'm a X fictive looking for Y fictive from Z source. I will go into the #Y fictive tag to see what I can find. Or I will see all the different/unsorted people by searching #Y fictive]"

Here's a couple examples from our system! (Click on the second image to actually see the full thing, lmao)

On the left is a sourcecall post anonymously to a search blog. It follows the basic criteria I listed above. In the blog's post, they'll end up tagging it with #canon calls, #lance mcclain fictive, #voltron fictive, #fictive some blogs will tag a little differently or more in-depth. Lance ended up reblogging his sourcecall post to @legsystem so people could find him/the blog easily

On the right is a sourcecall post made by the alter on their own blog. It's very direct. Tim lists more stuff in his post than Lance did in the anon one, but ultimately they're very similar! Tim also made his in 2022 and still gets interactions(like, 2 in the last week alone, lol). So, if people look for you, they will find you!

Let's look at the tags he used...

#fictive#introject#dc fictive#dc kin#dc introject#tim drake fictive#tim drake kin#tim drake introject#canon calls#source call#kin call

This is a very wide net. He's fine with kins interacting as well, so he included the kin call tag. He tagged the relevant fictive tags, as well as his own character tag. Since it's his main/permanent sourecall, he didn't tag specific fictives he's looking for, but he's done so in other posts in the past.

System-related blogs (And kin-related!)

They're are plenty of blogs besides sourcecall ones that engage with the system community at large!

@funnier-as-a-system Will reblog posts that can be read as a system, even if that wasn't the original intent of the post. Always makes me laugh

@fictive-culture, @pluralcultureis and @systemcultureis Are both blogs that post submissions with Relatable content on general fictive and system culture. There's also more specific versions of these blogs out there. Like demifictive, factive, little, etc culture

@fictionkinfessions And other related blogs post submitted (usually anonymous) confessions. You can be as up front about who you are an/or who you might be talking about. There are also related blogs for venting

@findinyourkin @findthebae @kincalling @problematickincalls1 Previously mentioned source/canoncall blogs! They're great

There are also plenty of system-related and friendly Discord servers around. You'll be able to find them easier on Disboard, but you can find them on some of those above blogs, in some of those source fictive tags, and just through the people you meet! (Tim always throws an active comic server at all the DC people he meets, lmao)

Good luck and have fun!

[coldresolve]

Moneymakers, pt.xxx // the_attic_101120XX

For once I'm gonna put a big fat trigger warning here on tumblr too: TW SELF-INJURY in the form of cutting. Dead dove, frfr. Previous / AO3 / Wattpad / Masterlist / Next

Renee’s heart isn’t in it. Not at first, anyway.

He knows that by this new tension in the atmosphere, which makes the air almost palpable to breathe in, marring even the glances he exchanges with Davin. He’s pretty sure Conrad can sense it, too, or maybe he’s just scared again, he just keeps his gaze down. The spotlights hammer heat through layers of black clothes, making Renee sweat as he secures Conrad’s handcuffs to the hinge in the massive oak table they’ve moved in front of the camera. It looks like an interrogation in a way, with Conrad seated there, hands locked to the tabletop. Renee is waiting for the line he snorted to kick in, to regain that sense of normalcy, but until that moment comes, all he feels is apathy. Honestly, he’d rather get drunk and play video games right now, rather spend the day wasting time on meaningless bullshit.

But a job is a job.

One-handed, he pulls the balaclava over his head, feeling his cut hair prick against the fabric, and turns on the camera. Automatically, he strides backwards, watching Davin for the small nod to signify they’re live. The chat, which they’ve set up on a tablet facing Renee, is already running. People are excited, they’ve been waiting for a while.

Davin finally nods.

Renee takes a deep breath. Smiles behind the balaclava. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he says with forced ruefulness, “in-betweeners and outsiders – we’re back at last.”

As he strides to the table Conrad is sitting at, he wonders at the ease with which that persona comes back, that role he has to play for the cameras of an enthusiastic torturer, as if the balaclava shrouds him in the veil of his character. It’s as much a performance right now as the beaming smile of a cashier, he thinks, or the professional understanding nod of a nurse long since numbed to tragedy.

He hops up to sit on the edge of the table, facing the camera. Winces briefly at the pain in his arm. “Some shit happened while we were away, most of which I won’t go into for the time being. Safe to say, we’re not gonna be drowning him again. We’re in luck, though. There’s more ways than one to have some fun.” He chuckles.

Eleven thousand to cut off an ear. Sixteen to have at him with a bull whip. Twenty to hamstring him. Some suggest to sodomize him, a line Davin and Renee already agreed not to cross, while other suggestions lack entertainment value altogether.

Renee sniffs as he lets his eyes scroll over the price tags in the chat. “I actually had something in mind,” he mutters. “I’d like a lazy day today, really kick my feet up and let other people do all my work for me. How does that sound?” He taps the table. “What do we want to see him do to himself, hm?”

There’s a small noise from Conrad behind him, almost inaudible.

Amelia1-5: Make him burn himself with something?

83942347: I see a hammer on the table behind you. 5k for each finger you get him to break.

Egogod76: If you use a stun gun on yourself do your muscles seize up on the button? Be fun to find out hehe.

As Renee reads the suggestions, he feel that old feeling of euphoria finally starting to creep in, like a flower blooming in the back of his mind.

Wyvern: Miserable enough to be a cutter, isn’t he? Make him carve a word of your choosing into his arm, 17k. I’ll make it an even 20k if you can get him to hit muscle.

Renee chuckles as he reads the username. “Wyvern, huh? That’s awfully generous of you.” He slides off the table, making his way back to the table of tools, markedly not looking at Conrad until he’s on his way back to him, nonchalantly flicking the straight razor open in his good hand. “What do you say, hm? Sound doable?”

The guy sits very still, staring stiffly at his hands clamped in front of him. The only clue as to his state of mind is his rapid breathing, noise carefully suppressed.

Lightly running the razor around the side of Conrad’s chin, Renee tilts his head to the side to look him in the eye. “I’m talking to you, dipshit.”

Conrad swallows, breathing sharply through his nose. “I won’t,” he says. And then he looks away.

Renee laughs. “That’s cute.” He leans in closer. “If you don’t do it, I’ll break both your hands with the hammer,” he mutters. “How about that?”

Conrad winces, and there’s tears in his eyes now.

“Do you honestly think that’s an idle threat?” Renee chuckles. “Are you that stupid?” And he brings his fist down on the table hard enough to rattle it, just to watch Conrad jump. He lets go of the razor, letting the it tip towards Conrad’s grasp, and gets himself comfortably seated in a chair behind him, kicking his feet up on the table. His elbow aches as he crosses his arms in front of his chest. “Go on,” he tells Conrad. “We don’t have all day.”

Conrad eyes the straight razor in front of him like it’s a puzzle far past his comprehension. He looks back at Renee, swallowing thick. His voice is small. “You can’t expect me to, to…”

“Stop talking and cut yourself, Conrad,” Renee says, and while the amusement isn’t entirely gone from his tone, neither is his irritability. “Let me think of a nice word while you get used to it.”

Carefully, with a grimace of disgust marring his features, Conrad wraps his fingers around the razor’s handle, breathing impossibly shallow. Hands still cuffed to the hinge in the table, he moves the blade down one arm, until the edge barely brushes skin – and then he stops there, hovering. “I can’t do this,” he groans, sniffing. “I can’t do this.”

Renee chuckles. “Exactly how handicapped do you want to be in the near future? That’s the real question here.”

When Conrad turns to look at him, pale and wide-eyed, he cocks his head to the side. It takes the guy a while, but eventually, he takes a deep breath and quickly flicks the razor across his skin.

Renee kicks his feet on the ground, leaning over the table and squinting. From the shallow cut in Conrad’s arm, beads of blood begin to coalesce and run down onto the table. “Nah,” Renee says. “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

“I can’t,” Conrad hisses.

Renee gets up, walking back to the table of tools to grab the hammer, bringing it back into Conrad’s view. “Drop the razor, then. Hold out your hands.”

Conrad shakes his head, teeth gritted against a sob. His hand clutching the straight razor is shaking. “I c-can’t do it,” he stammers.

Renee hits the table with the hammer hard enough to leave a dent in the wood, teeth bared under his mask. When Conrad flinches, Renee has the impulse to bring the hammer down on the guy’s stupid, curly head, feel that thick skull give way. He’s pretty sure he knows what kind of sound it would make.

Maybe something shows in his eyes, because Conrad winces and turns his attention back to the razor and his arm. Renee watches with spiteful, hungry eyes as the knife digs into flesh again, this time going deeper than before. The knife shakes so badly by the time he’s done with the cut, tiny droplets of blood are flicked from blade to table. Conrad lets out a whine as the pain hits him, rocking somewhat in his seat.

“Another,” Renee says. “This time, make it fucking count.”

A sob racks through Conrad’s frame as he tries to steady himself to cut again. “I hate you,” he hisses under his breath.

Renee just snickers, and waits, absentmindedly twirling the hammer in his hand.

The third time Conrad draws the razor across his forearm, he finally lets the blade bite deep. It’s fascinating to see his expression change from the anticipation of pain to something akin to shock as the wound gapes open under the knife – to actual pain when his nerves finally catch up. He lets out a cry, dropping the razor to the table, clutching his arm tight in his other hand. Blood creeps out between his fingers.

Renee raises a brow. “Not bad,” he says. Lets out a chuckle. “Now do it again.”

Conrad swallows, not looking up at him. “Again…?”

Renee shrugs. “C’mon, someone’s paying good money for this.” He pauses. “How about that, hm? I’ll let you carve out some dollar signs. Man’s gotta know his own worth.” He laughs.

Conrad looks on the verge of throwing up. Hand slick with blood, he warily picks the razor back up, steeling himself for another cut.

By chance, Renee’s eyes drift to the tablet as he waits for Conrad to bring the knife across again. “Oh, hang on,” he says. “There’s drama in chat.”

Amelia1-5: Someone ban cortesal.

Amelia1-5: keeps running his mouth

Renee snickers. “You think we have chat moderation? This isn’t fucking Twitch, Amelia.”

N0cturn4l: We got a preacher in chat ahaha

Ricochet: LMAO @cortesal448 just kill yourself honestly.

“Fuck, no, hang on, let’s see what this bitch has to say,” Renee chuckles, as he walks over to the tablet, scrolling back until he finds the comment from the right username. “The host is a coward through and through,” he reads. “He terrorizes someone he already knows can’t fight back, meanwhile he for sure can’t take what he dishes out… insecurity, bla bla… I wouldn’t be surprised if he… oh.” Renee pauses, squinting at the screen. “Oh that’s not family friendly.”

Laughing, he steps back from the screen, looking at the camera.

“You bring up some interesting points, I’ll admit, but you’re wrong about a few things. First of all,” he says, pulling a knife from his pocket. “I lay some mean pipe.”

He chuckles a little to himself as he flicks the knife open.

“Second of all… Can’t take what I dish out, huh? You think I’m a hypocrite. Really?”

Renee hitches up the sleeve, careful not to disturb his broken arm too visibly, and places the blade against the skin on his forearm. With a forefinger against the blade’s back, he presses the edge downwards and steadily moves it across. Pale skin is split layer by layer, anatomy he recognizes but can’t name. As blood begins to flow, creeping forward from sources not visible by the naked eye, the pain finally comes creeping too, a shrill note that fades in and almost immediately crescendos, deafening out most of everything else. He pays mind to it, acknowledges it, but doesn’t let it take over his body, not yet. Instead he keeps applying pressure until the knife makes it past bubbly deposits of fat to expose stringy bands of darker, more fibrous flesh, and to avoid permanent damage, he stops there, retracts the knife, closes his eyes, and leans his head back. One deep breath at a time, in through the nose, slow and steady, he lets it wash over him, lets it surround him without a fight; a rush is a rush is a rush…

As the immediate pain fades to a duller, more muffled ache, Renee gives a sharp shake of his head, rolls one shoulder. Opens his eyes and meets Conrad’s incredulous expression with amusement playing on his own.

With a sigh, he lightly sticks the tip of the knife into the wound as he holds it up to the camera, pointing to the darkest layer. “That right there is muscle,” he says. “I’ve made Conrad DeWitt scream and beg with less – so yeah, I can take it. I’d go as far as to say I can take it better.”

He dries the knife off in his pants, clicking it closed and sliding it back into his pocket.

Conrad’s just staring at him, open-mouthed.

Renee laughs. “What? Bitch called me a coward.” He shrugs. “Get back to work.”

That finally makes Conrad close his mouth.

Previous / Masterlist / Next

[akanothere]

About me

Part time fandom artist, full time clown.

20+, she/her.

DO NOT REPOST, EDIT, PRINT FOR COMMERCIAL USE OR BULK PRINTING

DO NOT FEED MY ART TO AI PLEASE

AI IMAGE GENERATOR USERS DO NOT INTERACT

TRACING& COPYING ARE FORBIDDEN AND BLOCKED. IF YOU ARE TOO AN ARTIST PLEASE RESPECT THIS UNIVERSAL RULE (UNLESS MEME/PARODY). “HIGHLY INSPIRED” WITHOUT CREDIT WILL BE BLOCKED AS WELL. MY HOURS OF HARDWORK AND BRAIN JUICE ARE NOT FOR YOU TO USE IN THIS WAY. I APPRECIATE THE LIKE BUT PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, DO NOT FOLLOW.

THIS IS A MATURE BLOG OFTEN ENGAGING WITH DARK CONTENT, HOWEVER I STILL HAVE DNIs.

THIS BLOG CONTAINS NSFW, BLOOD AND GORE DRAWINGS, TONS OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIP AND OTHER TW (ALL PROPERLY TAGGED UNLESS I FORGOT ONE OR TWO. IF I DO PLEASE TELL ME!!!)

FULL DNI, DOS AND DON’T, FANDOM CONTENT WARNINGS BELOW. I AM BAD AT EXPRESSING SO IT GETS LENGTHY BUT UM HOPE IT CLEARS UP EVERYTHING

THIS USER DOES NOT ACCEPT INSULTS, VIOLENCE, ABUSE, SLURS, AND DEATH THREATS TOWARDS HUMAN IN REAL LIFE.

What to expect or not here:

⚠️VERY IMPORTANT

I can tolerate/will create darker themed content when it comes to slashers or mature fandoms and villains. I would say this is NOT a safe blog (I mean come on those are bad guys what do you expect! Don’t be too delulu to a point you gonna make them a good guy). However I do not tolerate any form of violence, abuse and discrimination in real life. Seriously, get help if you come across to any of these.

All my darker artworks are NOT for you to follow irl (can’t believe I still have to say this in 2020s do people use their brains nowadays)— It is for me to explore darker concepts, trying to figure out how, for example, how people attracted by psycho criminals, WITHOUT using an existing criminal and hurting anyone irl. Bc everyone is FAKE, they don’t exist, it’s FICTIONAL. Also, to explore my own/seen traumas. I turn personal issues into NSFW kinks or simply dark shit etc, and cope with it as a fictional content. Not exactly the best idea I know but this keeps me sane and overthinking about the past irl. I do not tolerate death/abuse threats and insults towards human in real life, it’s stupid. And all of you should also keep every dark shit fictional content in fictional world. We do not need anymore crime irl thank you very much. Think before you act or talk. Fandom is not that serious to a point you wish death and suggesting violence upon someone.

For my Haikyuu or Naruto art those are mostly safe as hell (my opinion) just loving caring and tons of smooch smooch!😭💖 OMFG I MEAN BOKUAKA HOW YOU GONNA LOOK AT THEM AND THINK OF ANYTHING DARK HELLO EXCUSE ME

Generally I’m open-minded to all ships and kinks (even with complicated relationships where abuse are mentioned for plot reasons, or larger age difference), I’ll simply not interact with contents I’m not interested with… so it would be nice to not recommend any ships or contents through ask, because I mayyyyyyyy ignore it if I don’t like it lmao.

⚠️I draw fictional slashers/villains, g0re and blo0d and other dead dove/ abusive relationships shit, you are warned again!!! However irl crimes/ criminals supporters please do us all a favour go fuck yourself. People who can’t distinguish fictions from real life are not welcomed here.

I DO NOT accept any NSFW commission. Also again and again, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. This is NOT a minors safe space.

I create art for my inner peace and needs. I cannot babysit and accommodate everyone, so, if you don’t like, don’t engage. The definition of “problematic ships” differs from person to person coz fk me people nowadays overuse this too much to a point idk what is & what is not…

-

Fandoms and ships

Dead by Daylight

Ghostface centric, Ghostface x OC/ x reader, sometimes GhostFrank, GhostMeg and GhostFrankMeg-the-daddy-issue-trio-poly

⚠️IMPORTANT: It’s totally okay to consume my version of Jed Olsen X OC content and imagining in your brain it’s you or whoever his S/O is, but I block people who draw my version of Jed with themselves/self-inserts/OCs, or generally drawing him. It’s a culture here: impolite to draw someone’s design without permission😭💦 So please don’t take it personally, it’s just me not comfortable with sharing my design of Jed with other people’s self insert/OC. Also I have many plans for him so when people draws him (even not a ship art), it might actually interfere with my WIP sketches and ideas which makes me so awkward like “should I continue when someone drew it already???” However I am glad many people like him! Thank you for giving him love he really doesn’t deserve it he belongs in the trash💥

PS. There are some designs out here alike which of course is fine, I do not own the character himself, but I‘ll stay away or block if it’s too alike/ overly referenced. I stay quiet about things I don’t like so unless shoving it in my face, I will just walk away🧍‍♀️💦Need not worry!

Haikyuu!!

BokuAka, sometimes Tsukishima centric and SunaKita

Harry Potter (Wizarding World)

Tom Riddle centric, Tomione. Casual: Tomarry, Drarry/Harco, Voldantonin, Antonmione, GGAD, SebOmi/OmiSeb, Sebastian Sallow x MC, Ominis Gaunt x MC, Seb+Omi+MC trio friendship.

⚠️I DO NOT SUPPORT JK ROWLING’S TRANSPHOBIC SPEECH. TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN. IF YOU CAN’T ACCEPT OTHERS HAPPINESS AND RIGHTS, THIS IS NOT A PLACE FOR YOU. FK OFF.

ALSO THAT ONE TOMIONE ANON WHO KEEPS ANNOYING WRITERS WHEN THEY WRITE FOR OTHER PAIR— DO NOT INTERACT.

Don’t follow me for ships. See me as a cheap ass £10 all you can eat cushion buffet please. No quality of art here. Just pure delulu and bad drawing skills.

Naruto

KakaSaku, ObiRin, ObiKaka and InoSaku.

⚠️Note that my main ship in this fandom is KakaSaku, but only when Sakura is of age and usually I ship them in same age/ sort of colleague AU

Other games, films and anime

Who’s Lila?, Cube Escape & Rusty Lake series, Year Walk, Disco Elysiumc, Good Omens, Hotline Miami, Chainsaw Man, Golden Kamuy, Dorohedoro, any Kon Satoshi/ Ito Junji/ Wong Ka Wai’s creations, Horror and thrillers, Sci-fics

Fic recommendation lists

(Most of them are dark, dead doves and NSFW. Some are light and cracks! Read TW and tags. Read at your own risk.)

Danny x You/OC/SO

Tomione

[lostthenfoundmyself]

IFAQs

(aka Infrequently Asked Questions)

(aka questions that no one has asked me that I wanted to answer)

Why does this blog exist?

Because I realized that I saw posts on Tumblr about Jewish things that I didn’t want to reblog on my main blog, but really wanted to reblog. I also had things that I wanted to discuss that didn’t really fit on a fandom blog.

Why don’t you just post this on your main blog?

Because I’m exhausted. I’m having enough problems in real life—I wanted to use a sideblog that I can selectively interact with. Also, my main blog is a fandom blog.

Why are you qualified to talk about _insert thing here_?

This blog exists so I can share my own personal experiences, reblog others’ experiences, and express my opinions. When expressing my opinions, I do my best to back them up with research and sources. When sharing my experiences, I don’t claim to have any sort of qualification other than…actually experiencing that thing. I don’t speak for anyone except myself.

Do you use trigger/content warnings?

I try to. In general, I do my best to tag posts and reblogs about antisemitism so they’re easy to avoid, and tag other common triggers I notice as “tw: ”+ the trigger. However, I’m not the best at remembering/noticing, so be careful. If you see something I didn’t tag, please feel free to send me an ask or message and I’ll add the tag.

Are you…

…Jewish? Ethnically, I am Jewish but was not raised with a huge connection to my Jewish heritage. I celebrated a few holidays with my mom’s parents and read kids’ books, but that was mostly it. In college, I have begun learning more about Jewish culture through Hillel, Chabad, and the Internet. I am certainly no expert, but I enjoy learning and have my own experiences to share. Religiously, I’m somewhere between agnostic and atheist.

…a Zionist? By the definition I use, yes. I don’t know what definition you’ve heard, so here’s a clarification of what I mean:

I believe that there should be a Jewish state somewhere in the region where Israel is located. I also believe that there should be a Palestinian state. I see calls for the dissolution of Israel as overly optimistic at best and antisemitic at worst. While I accept that ideally, everyone in the world would live together in peace and harmony, this is not a feasible short-term goal. No one-state solution under any kind of government would be fair or safe for the inhabitants of the region, and Jews deserve the right to self-determination just like other ethnic groups. Israel exists—I see that as a good thing, but even if you don’t, just getting rid of an entire country is…not gonna work.

…Israeli? No. I live in the United States.

…able to speak Hebrew/Yiddish/insert language here? I can only speak English and (very iffy) French. I know a few Yiddish words from my mom, but I can’t read Hebrew or actually speak Yiddish. You are welcome to interact with this blog in whatever language makes you most comfortable, but I will probably be plugging it into Google Translate if it is not English or French.

…sane/okay/alive? No, definitely not, and barely. Will update if “definitely not” changes. Will not update if “barely” changes, because I’m the only person with access to this blog.

[nimbus-bugs]

Nim Sketch Dump

as promised, here's a big sketch dump of my sona/oc nim! this isn't gonna be a popular post and I don't care 👍

I didn't originally intend to post these so I've referenced some art works heavily but I've written the name of the artist and I'll type it out too! if any of the artists see my references and is uncomfortable with it please let me know and I'll remove it from this post :D

dump under the cut!

the first ideas for his "modern design" (he's been around and recycled for a loooong time). the pose in the top right hand corner is taken from @/hiraethminds! they are a very cool artist and inspire me a lot. though the grey-ish tones as the major colour goes away I still really like the centipede tattoo, centipedes are rad as fuck and you can't tell me otherwise

I started to play with the idea of a goat design for him here! which is strange because like. that's not even his main design or motif or anything, I just really liked the idea I guess LMAO also Aurelai belongs to my mate of the same name! she's not on tumblr (yet) but you should still like her because she's cool and awesome

a treat for my qsmp enjoyers!! an unfinished short comic I sketched on the day tallulah lost her first life. the other characters in this are my old ocs, don't even worry about them

I straight up just have the image that inspired me in this one. its by @/sss-eriema and it was a gift from GOD. I was trying to sort out the colours and wanted to incorporate both orange (my favourite colour) and green (my close second favourite colour) but wasn't having much luck. eriema's artwork showed me that it can work in a more muted way and it was very very helpful!!

maid dress. sorry. also slimecicle

I started to get the colours down in the bottom right corner!! I really like this sketch page honestly. some bonus self portrait sketches because I wanted to try and put some more of my own features into his design as my sona! also in the notes I was debating between the two eye shapes and I'm still thinking about it. I think the bottom ones fit his personality more and are way more expressive but I just like the Vibe of the top ones

a lot of little drawings with varying styles! also more slimecicle. I am adhding so hard for him right now, it's concerning.

t. this one is the reason for the blood tw in the tags. I just really like drawing blood. as a treat. don't come for me this is my self-indulgent safe space leT ME BE EDGY </3 also the writing is a little hard to read so I've put it in the alt! and more qsmp doodles!

I'm starting to ditch the goat design but this one is my last hurrah. basically settled on the general colour scheme now! and more qsmp stuff. its literally gripped my brain I can't escape it, even in my personal work

then I realised. nimbus-BUGS. bugs! what if bug? this was a really fun study for using more creature features that I wasn't used to! loving the mandibles tbh

my most recent sketch as of posting! I might update this later, but this sketch page is probably the most gratuitously referenced, the expressions in the bottom left and top right were basically ripped from @/microwavablesquid so if you like those please check them out! the basic design structure of the full body was referenced from @/aresonist, retroactively I realised a lot of my design choices. uh. they also made LMAOOO so if my design in General tickles your brain, follow them!

as for his lore and basic information for what he actually Is, uhhh. ??? I don't know HAHAHA he's a little guy! he's creature! is he human? probably not but no one could say for sure! is he bugs? is he 1000 bugs in a trenchcoat? sometimes he's goat I guess??? I can never decide on a design and I think that aids his cryptid-like habits. he shows up sometimes, vibes and can't die in a way that matters! he has a running motif of my fake-God-thing, the centipede ouroboros, so I was like "what if he was a harbinger of the ouroboros, what then." and I like to imagine he has video game logic where when he dies, he basically respawns. also weirdly it's worked out in a way where he has lots of biblical motifs, like my name is literally nimbus, like the halo, and he's a messenger of a god like some fucked up blorbo angel. also lily of the valley is my favourite flower and I like drawing him with it, it also has lots of symbolism in the bible?? wild.

I sincerely doubt it but if you guys have any questions about nim or want to draw him or anything I would Die. I would just keel over. you'd take me out.

thank you so much if you got to the end of this btw!! this was a lot. seriously though, it means the world if even one person would like to see my little guy <3 have a great day and take care of yourself!

[generational-atrophy]

generational atrophy info / masterlist

this account posts nsfw writing, minors will be !BLOCKED! for interacting with said content, but are otherwise welcome.

💮hello and welcome to my page! my name is viktor, im a gay trans man, a punk, a communist, and most importantly, the guy writing the stuff here.

💮 requests are always open, but please understand that my writing takes a long time and my queue is very backed up. if you come into my askbox angry for how long im taking, i won't take your request at all. those are my boundaries.

💮terfs, right wingers, zionists, and anti-kink people do not interact!

💮 please be aware that i post nsfw and triggering content. i currently use the tags (#tw violence, #tw yandere, #tw unhealthy, #tw nsfw, #tw suicide and #tw dead dove do not eat) to tag my content. if you would like something specific to be tagged, just let me know!

💮 im not gonna apologize for hard content. it is your responsibility to keep yourself safe if you are triggered by this content. all kinks are purely fantasy and do not reflect my real life values. leave if you are not ok with this. (i do NOT!!!! write for any underage characters. this is a strict boundary. see the document below for details.)

💮 at one point, i wrote from @bloodyselfshipping.

here is a document which contains detailed information regarding requests as well as a masterlist of all of my works.

(asks may be eaten. feel free to send multiple times.)

[someone1348]

Heyyo I know it is very late in December, I have had a lot to do but here is my commission for Giggles and Ghasts!

I was sent a prompt for: @commit-eye-bleach so if this tag works I hope you enjoy!

The people in this: lee!osmp!sneeg, ler!osmp!ranboo

I'm using She/Her Pronouns for Ran because they said that their character in orgins was trans!fem! Just so no ones confused! /pos /gen

Tw: none!

With all that being said Enjoyy!

-K :]

____________~☆°♡°☆°♡°☆~_____________

Tickles for the tiny one

Today was supposed to be just like any other day, key word, was. The Enderian was going to go out and gather materials for her base and for general basic needs but her plan came to a pause mid journey when she felt tiny tugs to her cape from the ground.

"Huh?" She tried to look down and around to see what or who it was, there were two people who could go small so she had a 50/50 shot at guessing. "Where?!" She twirled and still nothing! She was starting to think she was crazy until she heard a tiny giggle and felt someone crawling up her body like a jungle gym.

"Hehey! Woah!-" She fell to the ground, tripping on her cape just to see a tiny sneegsnag in front of her face

"Helloooo!" The tiny one spoke as Ran giggled and smiled back at him "Hello you little sneak!" Sneeg giggled moving down to his shoulder "Stahap it!" Ranboo giggled taking him off of her shoulder and into her palm glaring at him jokingly.

"What's up Sneeg?, you're stopping my mining plans" Sneeg smirked sitting in her palm "I wanna join you! Pleaaasseee" Ran rolled her eyes with a smile "It looks like I have no choice"

She smirked back as a mischievous idea formed in her head "You know Sneeg, I think im gonna cancel my plans I found something much MUCH better to do~"

The Inchlings eyes widened as he tried to scrabble out of her hand but it was too late, Rans pinkey finger, which normal sized to a person but huge for an Inchling, landed right onto his stomach wiggling around as, the now trapped sneeg broke out into laughter,

"NOHOHO WAHAHAIT RAHAHAN NOHOHOT THEHEHERE-" He snorted a little as Ran cooed

"Awwwww you're tiny little giggles are sooo much better then mining for materials!" She smiled moving around to each of his sides

"PFAHA-" Sneeg shrieked kicking his tiny legs out "RAhahan PlEheheASe! I dihIhiN't dOho AnytHihiNg! WRohoNG!" He rested his head in her gentle palm as she snickered,

"YOU decided to climb my like a jungle gym and make me think im crazy so yeah, you deserve these tickles, Tickletickletickletickle~" She moved back to his stomach swirling around his bellybutton.

"AHAHAHAHA" Sneeg snorted again before he spoke "I GIHIHIVE!"

Ran rolled her eyes again with a giggle as she moved to his neck, gently tickling him there to keep him giggly

"Ihihit tihihickles"

"Im so glad it does! You're having so much fun!" She smiled before rubbing away the ghost tickles "You okay Sneeg?"

Sneeg nodded giggling as he caught his breath trying to stand up again on her palm "Thahat was ehehevil"

"Oh pleased you clearly enjoyed it!"

"No comment"

They both giggled as Ranboo put him back on her shoulder "You're safe with me, you can rest here while I mine okay?"

Sneeg yawned before questioning him "Wahahait what happened to the change in plans?"

She giggled ruffling his hair gently with her pinky "That was the change in plans"

"Ohhhhh,,, HEY! WAIT!"

"HAHA!"

---------------------------------------------------

So I don't know if ya'll saw yet but I did remove the dream smp/mcyts out of my account bio, so this is my last fic of them, I apologize to everyone who only follows me for those fics, I am not unfollowing anyone or deleting any of my other dsmp/mcyt posts I'm just no longer writing for it! I understand if you want to unfollow me because of this decision, but I have made up my mind on this one /gen

This was a great send off! :] I hope everyone understands, Treat yourself, Take care of yourself, Never forget your worth, you are valid, you are loved and I could not be more proud of you! /p /gen /pos

-K <3

[nachosncheeze]

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

📚 & 🏷️

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

Definitely! It depends on what you are looking for, so here's a few of my faves in a couple different categories:

***Edit: I'm adding a cut bc it's just occurred to me to mention, anyone new who's not done the series but is seeing this - I do have a spoiler-safe fics list that Scotti and I were working on at one point, so if there's a specific season you're looking for, but not wanting to know what twists come after (or if you're looking for fic for a specific episode or event), feel free to inbox me and I'll send some links. :)

Below this cut there are descriptions that spoil all sorts of things, so.....***

For Jeller, everything by @indelibleevidence is outstanding. I'm gonna start out saying probably a majority of it has passages that are NSFW so if you're a minor or not into that, tread lightly. I'm currently revisiting Remember to Forgive, which has late-season 3 Weller suffering amnesia that takes him mentally back to early season 2; you know, when he couldn't stand to be in the same room as his wife. The angst! It's a fave and totally my jam, I could probably quote it. Torture Without You is... well. Read it. Amazing. I'm a big Remi fan, and here you will also find one of our two Reller champions: the Damaged Goods series is so dark (also very NSFW) but soooo good.

@idealisticrealism is another that everyone should definitely read, imo. The Fire is basically my favorite one-shot ever, and she's our other Reller champion - as complete AUs go I can not possibly overstate my love for From the Ashes and Into Flames. I could literally quote them both to you.

@gypsyscarfwoman is responsible for my other favorite one-shot, Nothing Can Come Between Us, which is Jeller after season 2, but from Sarah Weller's POV. It's just a tiny bit angsty but fluffy and sweet. I love the way she describes the interactions between Jeller as viewed by a concerned third party. There's also Shelter From Your Storm, which is another season 2 AU except that post compound raid there's legitimate concern Nas might throw Jane under the bus and let the CIA have her, so Weller fake marries her to legitimize and protect her.

@ladyriot recently did a lovely retelling of s2 but as a Jane/Patterson slow burn. The way they low key agonize over each other is tragic, but the ending is so sweet without being completely saccharine, and it's definitely worth a look.

I haven't read much Zapatterson but @narvaldetierra is actively writing them. I read Remembers from September and No Good Deed Goes Unpunished a while ago, and I'm excited to reread them soon and then keep working through this ship 😁

Dylan Cruca is worth checking out if you want a bit of season 2/3 Jeller canon divergence/extra scenes, or Jeller/Reller AUs - I thought their post-season 1 AU ended up being a particularly interesting twist - but they're not for everyone.

I could go on but I'll end with one that's basically the fic equivalent to a playlist of Sad Songs to Sob To: Silence Speaks by lochness20, in which Jane's black site escape attempt fails, and when they find her, she is in a REALLY bad state. Warning that it's pretty dark and brutal and tw for suicidal thoughts and an eventual very graphic murder.

🏷 Is there a tag you like to search for when looking for fanfics to read?

I don't really look for specific tags; it's not a huge fandom so there's not a ton of room to be choosy. I can say that straight whump isn't my thing, nor is pure domestic stuff, and I generally steer clear of pregnancy/kidfic unless there's some other compelling plot alongside the kids. I guess I basically love angst most of all 😍

Thank you for the ask!! :D It's always fun to revisit some faves. 💕

I'm trying to find my mojo and inspiration to start creating again, and I find these memes are a really good exercise to think critically about my ideas and hopefully get the juices flowing. If anyone else is curious, please check here and consider sending me an ask!

I've also recently done a WIP ask meme, which you can find here if you'd like a peek at what I've been working on before the words left me. :)

[v-for--valentine]

Gonna be replacing my normal ramblings with this before any info about me. Something something target audience

Howdy

My name’s Valentine or V, whichever. Though just Sophie is always an option. I like bugs, music (mostly Slipknot and QOTSA), @tm0g, @hourglaaaaaa, my beautiful gorgeous gf Bonnie <3, ULTRAKILL, plants, rain, and like, 80% of animals.

As my bio thing said, i’m a genderfluid girl, and i’m the physical embodiment of the phrase cringefail girl. Currently (at the time of writing this) 18 and already exhausted from dealing with people

As far as pronouns go, you can use literally anything, but if you’re feelin stuck, “she” is always a safe option. Go nuts honestly. The person who finds the most obscure preexisting pronouns (cuz if you make something up it’ll automatically be the most obscure) to call me by wins... uh... a kiss on the forehead

What tags mean what

#blab my talking about stuff, and misc stuff that doesn’t fit into any other category

#it speaks additions to other peoples posts via reblog usually

#my art self explanatory

#drip pictures of mine and other folks amazingly gender wardrobe

#nya pictures of my cats cuz i love my little baby-cats so much

#story time with auntie Val my shitty writing stuff (at the time of writing it’s just the printer saga)

#it me stuff about me or pictures of me that isn’t necessarily #drip

Please note that this is very susceptible to change and i’m gonna be adding to and removing from this list a lot, so some old stuff is gonna be tagged wrong, and frankly i don’t care enough to go back and change all of it.

Also i’m pretty bad at remembering to tw tag stuff so feel absolutely more than free to ask me to

DNI list

Terfs/transmeds/truscum/general transphobes

ANY sort of queerphobes

ANY sort of racist

MAPs/whatever they call themselves now

Misogynists of any sort

Few other nasty folks, who i didn’t think of when typing this

[plague-of-insomnia]

hm idk how ur gonna feel abt an ask like this but i do want to get smth off my chest & u seem p safe. feel free to delete if u want

i saw a post recently talking abt how "gay" got used as a slur a lot more than people acknowledge. and it got me thinking of my school years & how often it got thrown around.

thing is. and heres where my train of thought goes off the rails. i actually experienced the word "incest" as an attack more than the word "gay"... which. ill explain. but it really got me thinking on this whole purity culture & demonising of incest depicted in literature & yknow taking things too far with whats considered incest.

bc at the end of the day. the reason incest is illegal (mostly) is to prevent inbreeding & the health issues that come along with that. if ur not blood related then theres no problem.

and like. the reason i got called incestuous and generally ostracised was bc i was close with a boy in my year. like we dated for a week as 14 yros do. and at some point i discovered that hey. his last name is the same as my aunts and lo and behold hes my 2nd cousin thru marriage or smth. so. not incest at all.

anyway that p much ruined our friendship (& it was a friendship. i broke things off before i even knew we were related bc i just didnt feel the same way and we stayed friends for a little bit) all bc some kids couldnt let it go that we had the vaguest relation to each other. he got bullied for the rest of our school year & ive felt horribly guilty for leaving him bc i wanted to be "cool" & ended up without any close friends like we were.

sorry if thats a weird thing to put in ur inbox.

Hey, anon. I don't mind this ask. I hope you don't mind me replying publicly. (In future if you don't just say so.)

This post will be a bit long, so I'll go ahead and put it under a readmore.

TW for discussions of "gay" used in a negative way, and discussions of the use of the word "incest," and its association with child sexual abuse, though there's really nothing terribly bad here as I'm not going into detail on any of thse topics. (If you need something tagged, though, let me know.)

Now, I'm old as dirt by tumblr standards, and I remember VIVIDLY the word "gay" being used in a negative light. As a kid, I didn't really see it used as a "slur" per se, but it was used to mean something was bad.

Like, if you saw a movie that sucked, you'd say "Man, that movie was so gay." It meant something like "lame."

So obviously, it wasn't a good thing, and when I got a bit older and was explained why using the word was bad, I stopped, and fortunately most other kids did too and it mostly faded from use (in that sense) at least as far as I noticed.

(I'm not saying gay hasn't been used as a more nasty slur/word ofc, this is just my personal experience with it.)

Granted, keep in mind when I was in high school, our LGBTQ+ club was just the "Gay/Straight Alliance." Back then, it was basically, you were gay/lesbian, or you were an ally. We never talked about trans people or nonbinary people or ace/aro people. Ofc every one of those identities/kinds of people existed, but as far as my world went, they didn't. Most of my circle of friends was queer in some way, but many were closeted or semi-closeted for various reasons.

Anyway, sorry for that detour. Now, as to your incest situation. I'm sorry that happened to you. It definitely wasn't fair. You didn't have any way to know if you were related, and if/when you did it was "easy" to end the relationship. But kids are kids, and they always love to find a way to single people out, and they probably didn't really care what the actual truth was.

Even if you'd discovered having a similar name was total coincidence, I'm sure they'd still have bullied you for "incest."

I wasn't bullied for it, thankfully, but I did have a classmate in high school with the same last name as mine. My name is very common in some places, but where I lived at that time it was not, so everyone assumed we were fraternal twins. He was a nice enough guy, but I really didn't want people to think we were siblings. But no matter how many times we both explained we weren't related, no one believed us.

Sometimes, once someone makes their mind up about something, there's no changing it.

As for "abandoning" your friend because you didn't want to be left out and regretting it, I get that too. There was a guy I dated when I was around 16, and we were very passionate, but I think honestly I entered a major depressive episode and lost all interest in everything, including him, and... anyway, I regret how things ended between us even today, many, many years later. I wish I could shake my 16-year-old self and tell them not to be so cruel, but we can't change the past, only learn from it and move forward.

With regards to antis/purity culture taking incest so far, I do agree it has gotten ridiculous. As you said, the reason incest is taboo is because of inbreeding, because if your (general you) DNA is too closely related, you increase the chance of having major/significant diseases due to a lack of genetic diversity. But antis tend not to understand the WHY's behind things (since they also believe pedophilia is bad bc it's disgusting, and not because it hurts children, who become real grown adults).

But I have seen some really wild takes called incest. Like a ship from one fandom where the male and female characters are friends. A lot of people consider it "problematic" apparently, because they have a "sibling-like" relationship. They did not grow up together, they aren't related, and yet that's "incest" according to antis.

I do want to mention another reason that incest can/is considered so bad, and it's because, despite what antis may think, most sexual abuse of children comes from someone close to them in their lives, often a family member or close friend. So for a lot of people, when they think of "incest," they closely associate it with sexual abuse of a child. It's possible that's why antis get so upset about it. I don't know. But that is another aspect to it. (Ofc for you, in your past situation, you were both around the same age, so that's not the case, but that association is there.)

But, in the end, in fiction, it doesn't matter, because there are not actual children who can be conceived or harmed, and so the whole purpose behind why incest isn't allowed in many places in modern times doesn't exist.

I hope you're doing OK now, anon. Don't be to hard on yourself. A lot of people have done things when they were young teens they regret and wish they could "undo," but as long as you learned from that experience so you could become a better person than that 14-year-old version of you, I think you're doing OK.

Sending you some hugs. <3

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

I was just gonna ramble in tags, but this is important enough to me that I'm just gonna put it on the post itself 😅 But I will put it under the cut!

some general tw's: SA mention

I have a mantra of how your trauma and your mental health is never your fault, but it is unfortunately your responsibility. This post explains that concept soso well.

Yes, it is unfair that we have to manage the consequences of the bullshit that has happened to us.

But it is also unfair to invalidate other people's experiences for the sake of our own (and their experiences can be just as traumatic!)

Again, I know it's unfair and I know the fact that we have to pick up the pieces afterwards sucks ass—but, like OP said, your triggers could very well be someone's safe space and vice versa.

Some people cope with their trauma by recreating that experience (think SA survivors and non-con roleplay), but with them in control. Others get triggered and dysfunctional when being re-exposed, even in a fictional and roleplay setting. Both are valid! You don't get to tell others how they can or cannot heal.

Ok I want to say something controversial

But you are responsible for your own safe spaces. You can block tags, block words, block people.

“But i thought fandom was supposed to be a safe space” —yeah you have to curate it.

Unfortunately one persons’s safe space may be another persons’ trigger. That’s ok. Simply block them, block the tag, block the word etc. They can do the same for you.

Maybe I’m just out of touch, but I’ve been around since the days of “don’t like, don’t read” and that’s a good philosophy. If it squicks you, scroll past. If it causes you anxiety or upset, block! Plenty of people are responsive if you ask them to tag an upsetting trigger. And if they’re dicks about it, block em.

[chthonicrest]

HOWDY hi there!! i’m kq! i’m 29, live in est, and use she / her pronouns! it’s important for me to say that i’m a really shy person. talking to new people kind of freaks me out and sometimes it takes me a long time to reply to things ooc. i try to always talk in the tags on threads and have little conversations on the dash, but beyond that… it takes me some time to calm down and talk to new people, so i’m really sorry in advance if i take a while to reply to out of character chats! 

ACTIVITY i am not fast. work and life and all that jazz!! if you’re interested, i have a million other blogs, if you’re ever interested in interacting with one of them, lemme know and i can pop over! and my discord is always available for mutuals!! just ask!!

FORMATTING i can't lie ... this shit is all over the place ... i tend to match whatever my partner is doing! i do small text by default, but i'll switch it up to regular sized text if you ask / if i remember seeing something about it in your rules!! also, i have no icons!! i probably won't make any!! he has 5 expressions!!

GENERAL this blog is multi-verse, multi-ship, multi-everything! unless we’ve discussed overlapping plot lines with a whole bunch of muses, it’s safe to assume that my interactions with your character and my interactions with another are happening in completely different timelines! also,  please don’t godmod!! little things that move along the thread are fine, but please try not to assume my character has done/will do anything in particular, in it!

TRIGGERS / SENSITIVE SUBJECTS as a general rule, i will always be trying to tag or avoid common triggers! my formats for tagging are ‘trigger cw //’ and ‘trigger tw//’. i will always try to do both and i always look for people’s triggers in their rules, but please don’t hesitate to let me know if i’ve forgotten a tag. as for myself, i have a weird teeth related trigger! it doesn’t need to be tagged, but if you could avoid talking to me directly about dental things it would be greatly appreciated! also, as a rule i don’t do smut! It’s just not my thing!

UNIVERSES my portrayal of this lil guy is gonna be solely based off of the hades game universe, but my knowledge of greek myth does extend beyond that!! i'm happy to play outside of my sandbox!! please play with me!!

VERY IMPORTANT!! there are few things that i vibe with less than i vibe with people being mean. on a small scale, i don’t post hate, i don’t send hate, and i don’t like to see hate. on a larger scale, i don’t tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, or anti semitism. if i see people posting things with an obvious malicious intent, i steer clear, unfollow, or block.

[wavewrought]

HOWDY hi there!! i’m kq! i’m 29, live in est, and use she / her pronouns! this is an independent rp blog for cirene aeloria, a dnd character of my own creation! i joined a campaign with her this summer and it's been really fun!! but it's just once a week and i really enjoy her, so i thought i'd toss her into the rp sphere too!!

ACTIVITY i am not fast. work and life and all that jazz!! if you’re interested, i have 9000 blogs but none of them are super active on their own, if you’re ever interested in hearing abt / interacting with one of them, lemme know and i can pop over!

FORMATTING i can't lie … this shit is all over the place … i tend to match whatever my partner is doing! i do small text by default, but i'll switch it up to regular sized text if you ask / if i remember seeing something about it in your rules!! also, for icon things!! …. am i gonna make them ? god knows ! not me !

GENERAL this blog is multi-verse, multi-ship, multi-everything! unless we’ve discussed overlapping plot lines with a whole bunch of muses, it’s safe to assume that my interactions with your character and my interactions with another are happening in completely different timelines! also,  please don’t godmod!! little things that move along the thread are fine, but please try not to assume my character has done/will do anything in particular, in it!

TRIGGERS / SENSITIVE SUBJECTS as a general rule, i will always be trying to tag or avoid common triggers! my formats for tagging are ‘trigger cw //’ and ‘trigger tw //’. i will always try to do both and i always look for people’s triggers in their rules, but please don’t hesitate to let me know if i’ve forgotten a tag. as for myself, i have a weird teeth related trigger! it doesn’t need to be tagged, but if you could avoid talking to me directly about dental things it would be greatly appreciated!

UNIVERSES i know a little bit about a lot of fandoms!! and i'm always willing to learn more!! so if you're worried that don't know if i know things abt your muse or your fandoms, pls don't!! i'll go all the way down the rabbit hole with you!! high fantasy is not my usual stomping ground, so i have a lot to learn!

VERY IMPORTANT!! there are few things that i vibe with less than i vibe with people being mean. on a small scale, i don’t post hate, i don’t send hate, and i don’t like to see hate. on a larger scale, i don’t tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, anti semitism, etc etc etc. if i see people posting things with an obvious malicious intent, i steer clear, unfollow, or block.

if you're reading this, thanks for considering writing with me!! love u!!