#gonna be real confused next episode

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

I'm three episodes into Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! and 1) this show was made specifically for me and 2) the fansub title Don't Mess With the Video Society! is WAY clearer and more fun, who the heck went with the official English title???

[humanmorph]

PALISADE 18 SPOILERS

the next saddest thing about baldwin home getting shot aside from. The whole situation. is that it cuts Austin off from doing more intros with him when they were sooooooo fucking good

Like I had this on repeat the other day (thank you FatT fans who make AMVs your service is invaluable)

[wonderjanga]

Billy Pranks Hal

Billy doesn’t know the difference between pranks and straight up crime. He doesn’t know this because Freddy’s ideas of pranks are crimes. The reason this is, is because he didn’t really grown up around any other kids his age. So, Freddy’s the best example he’s got. So, when Hal pranks him, he decides to “prank” him back. By the way, during all of this, he thinks this is just lighthearted fun.

Billy (in Marvel from) gets the most brilliant idea. Though, technically it isn’t his idea, but rather Freddy’s. He’s going to hire a hooker to give Hal herpes. Pause, and run it back. He’s going to hire a hooker, bring her to the Watchtower, have her brush her teeth with Hal’s toothbrush, and then that will him herpes. Freddy said he saw it on a Southpark episode and wanted to see if it would actually work in real life. So the two talked to Ms.Bambi to see if any of her friends had the disease and sure enough she knew someone. She was a little skeptical, but when they told her the reason, she gave in. But she did end up supervising them the whole way, including going with them to the guy they were “pranking’s” house. It’s one of Billy’s favorite memories.

So, Billy approaches her as Marvel and asks her her to do it. She briefly remarks about how this is the second time she’s had to do this, but agrees as long as he pays her fare. He scrounges up the few dollars he has, pays her, and he takes her to the Watchtower. He obviously gets weird looks because why did Captain Marvel of all people come to the Watchtower with someone who looks(they didn’t want to assume) like a hooker? Meanwhile, Marvel and Ms.Hooker are chatting about being broke, ignoring the looks. Eventually they get to Hal’s room and just as they’re about to find a way in, John leaves the room next to them.

John: “Hey, Cap.” *waves, then does a double take at Ms.Hooker* “Who’s this?”

Marvel: “Hmm? Oh, this is Ms.Foxy.”

Ms.Foxy: “Hey.” *waves*

John: “Okay… Cool. Cool… Why’re you trying to get into Green Lantern’s room?”

Ms.Foxy: “Aren’t you Green Lantern?”

Marvel: “There’s like four of them actually.” *looks over to Ms.Foxy while holding up 4 fingers*

John: “There’s actually more- Never mind, you didn’t answer my question, Cap.”

Marvel: “Oh right! I’m pranking him. Ms.Foxy is going to help me.” *gestures to Ms.Foxy*

John: “Huh. Really? What’re you going to do?”

Marvel: “She’s gonna give him herpes.”

*loud silence*

John: “…What?”

Marvel: “She’s gonna give him herpes.”

John: “…okay. I thought I heard you correctly. YOU’RE GOING TO DO WHAT?!”

Marvel: *surprised by the sudden yelling* “She’s going to give him herpes- why is that so surprising?”

Ms.Foxy: “No offense, big man, but that’s not necessarily something you do just as a prank.” *Pats Marvel’s arm* “This is more getting revenge for someone hitting your dog with a car type of shit.”

John: “YES! She’s right! What did he do to you? How bad was the prank??”

Marvel: “Nothing that bad? All he did was leave a tack on my chair when we switched for monitor duty. It didn’t really do anything though except bend since it couldn’t prick me.”

John: “Okay???? Then what did he do to warrant this??” *sounds extremely distressed and confused*

Marvel: “Well, he pranked me. I’m just pranking him back.”

Ms.Foxy: “I don’t think you get what he’s trying to tell you. This isn’t really a prank, bud. It’s more like chemical warfare.”

Marvel: “Really…? I had no idea. I thought this was normal.” *sighs*

John: “Why would this be normal?”

Ms.Foxy: *ignores him* “Do you want your money back since we aren’t going to do it?”

John: “Money?”

Marvel: *also ignores him* “No, it’s fine, Ms.Foxy. Keep it.” *gives her sunny smile*

John: *takes deep breath* “Captain. Is this woman a hooker?”

Ms.Foxy: *looks over to start acknowledging him again* “I prefer the term prostitute.”

Marvel: *also starts acknowledging him again* “Yeah GL, she prefers the term prostitute. But yes, she’s a hooker.”

John: *takes a few minutes to process his words* “Captain… why is a hooker in the Watchtower?”

Marvel: “Again, prostitute. Also, she’s the one who has herpes. She was kind of needed for this entire prank to happen.”

John: “Prostitute, hooker, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that she’s a civilian. Also stop calling it a prank.”

Ms.Foxy: “He is right, you really should stop calling it that.” *nods head*

John: “Look, just get her outta here. Civilians aren’t allowed up here. Bats is gonna glare at you the same way he did to Flash when he brought someone up here.”

Marvel: “Alright alright. Noted. I won’t bring anyone else up here.” *looks over to Ms.Foxy* “Let’s head back then.”

*They leave while John is still processing everything that just went down*

[fanonical]

look people who've been around here for a while know exactly how i feel about the early doctor who serial edge of destruction but i rewatched it recently and i have feelings

so edge of destruction is the third ever serial of doctor who, right? it's an unearthly child, the daleks, then edge of destruction. and it's also kind of a bottle episode. edge of destruction is a two-parter, and is set entirely on the tardis featuring only the main cast

the plot is weird. everyone wakes up in the tardis with confusion and memory loss, not knowing what's going on. the tardis isn't safe, and strange things are happening. the ship seems to be malfunctioning, but there's nothing notably wrong with it. everyone's freaking out and accusing each other of sabotaging the tardis or hurting each other

now, as i said, this is early doctor who. companions barbara and ian had been kidnapped by the doctor and susan so they don't tell anyone that time travel is real, and at this point they don't trust the doctor and the doctor doesn't trust them. the doctor immediately starts accusing barbara and ian of sabotaging the ship to force him to take them home, which they angrily refute. they've spent the last two stories saving the doctor and susan from whatever's trying to kill them

barbara has a speech here which is brilliant and i can quote verbatim. 'do you realise, you stupid old man, that you'd have died in the cave of skulls if ian hadn't made fire for you? and what about what we went through against the daleks? not just for us, but for you and susan too. and all because you tricked us into going down to the city. accuse us? you ought to go down on your hands and knees and thank us! but gratitude's the last thing you'll ever have, or any sort of common sense either'

and the doctor spends the whole two episodes either accusing ian and barbara of being evil or being wholly unhelpful. (he straight up drugs everyone with a sedative at one point!) yeah, turns out the tardis is trying to tell them what's wrong via cryptic clues, and barbara's putting the pieces together. and the doctor still doesn't listen to her! she's so close to figuring it out and saving them all - they're all gonna die in about ten minutes and the doctor's basically given up, but barbara's trying to solve the problem

and in the end, they have the eureka moment and get out of trouble, but barbara's still understandably pissed. that is, until the doctor takes the time to apologise to her and tell her that yeah, she was right and he's sorry he didn't listen to her and he's going to do better to respect her opinions in future. they go into the next serial as friends, a first for the series to that point

so why do i love this weird little two-parter so much? because it is the moral centre of modern doctor who. this is the start of the characterisation of the doctor that we know and love. before this, the doctor is ruthless! he tries to kill a guy with a rock! he sabotages the tardis to satisfy his curiosity and lands everyone in danger from the daleks! he drugs them just because he doesn't trust them! he thinks he's smarter, better, and more important than the people he travels with

but then barbara stands up to him. she tells him that, no, she and ian are important too. and no, they're worth listening to. and yes, they can help and are worth something. and that's important, because barbara and ian are way more compassionate than the doctor is at this point. they want to help people they come across even if it means putting their own lives in danger.

sound familiar? yeah, the doctor's whole thing of helping everyone they come across and compassion towards everyone starts here. this is one of the most enduring things about the doctor and it would never have happened without barbara telling the doctor he's full of shit

and it's all because he listened to an ordinary woman

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 7 part 2

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

from this moment on we follow the events from Lilia's point of view, experiencing time out of order like she does. nonlinear timelines are extremely difficult to convey onscreen, and the writers manage it so well that I still have to see someone confused by the way things unfold.

from a linear pov: lilia fell through quicksand with jen, she regained consciousness in a strange underground tunnel where she met rio. then she woke jen up, told her what billy did and that they were about to join the tarot trial. they hid from the salem seven. now they're on their way to meet the others.

from lilia's pov: she fell through quicksand (or should I say the Swamp of Sadness?), she had a glimpse of her own very near demise. then she found herself following jen through the tunnel. she has yet to meet rio and she doesn't know they're going to a trial.

see how jen immediately contextualizes where we're at? this is for us, the viewers, so we don't get too lost.

'where is rio', is the question that has been tormenting her. she just saw a glimpse of where she'll meet rio, plunging to her Death. but the loss of other people has been haunting her as much as her own.

love love love all the frantic panic patti conveys at the mention of wanda, as I imagine she doesn't give a shit about marvel and frankly can't be bothered to learn any scarlet witch lore. acting!!!

jen, now alone with lilia without alice acting as a bumper, is being real crabby with her. she thought they were bonding just a minute ago and now lilia's being annoying with her eccentricities

and just... the way she's talking to jen a moment and to alice the next

i miss you, sweet bub

and no need for any further explanation. we know exactly what's happening to lilia.

and just like that, she's talking to her maestra. lilia, what do you see? that has always been the question, hasn't it?

i would give my life for you, baby lilia

ah, capisco! you're visiting, eh? and this tell you two things: number one, how much of a (real and metaphorical) gift talking with the past can be. yes, you're seeing the long dead. no, you cannot bring them back. but you can still learn from them and put their wisdom to good use.

and number two: the importance of having a coven, or rather, a community, a support system. lilia's new coven treats her with awkwardness or even scorn, they don't know her, they don't understand. lilia's maestra doesn't even flinch talking to a woman from the future in the body of a little girl. she knows lilia's time works differently and she rolls with it. 13 or 500 years old, it's all the same, lilia is beloved and will be accepted no matter what.

lilia finds herself at her very first divination lesson and once again is dismissive of her own gift. maestra calls her out immediately: fesserie! bullshit!

this is the story of a great Seer who told herself she wasn't any good, who went into exile, who fled the company of her fellow humans. she chose to be seen as a fraud, isolated, humiliated, rather than to be hated and feared for what she could do. she closed her eyes and pretended not to see the horrors ahead.

I adore this transition between the tea leaves and the tunnel

again, no alice to deescalate. and lilia finally, finally speaks up. jen is the most unforgiving person in the coven and, arguably, the one whose opinion lilia respects the most. the high priestess.

and, to her credit, jen is willing to listen. to her credit, despite the dark path calling her, when jen sees something that she can fix, she is willing to try

I'm gonna do a play-by-play of what ms. lupone does here, because it's nothing short of mesmerizing. she raises her hand, trying to grasp at words. she looks down, the looks to the side. her hair has crumbled, she looks like a girl in pigtails. she is so small and scared.

she reaches out, bitter, sure, and nervous, but so eager for someone to understand. she takes deep breaths, tries to steady herself.

she cannot finish her sentences, her lips are trembling, she's shaking with small sobs. her eyes get so big. patti never goes over the top, she's reaching somewhere deep and intimate and raw. but you can't call this performance understated, there so much bubbling under the surface, and patti is perfectly in control, she's letting it out drop after powerful drop

she takes a moment to catch her breath, to feel the pain of it all

and jen... understands. lilia has done something so scary and vulnerable and brave. she has showed herself at her most defenseless, and she hasn't been rejected. and jesus christ this is what a coven is about, and it's what they were all missing. jen has seen lilia's burden and she has accepted it. from now on, she will help carry it.

ms. lupone. patti. how can you just walk on the set of a random superhero show and dominate it.

jen suggests the end of the Road might give lilia her powers back, but she is STILL so afraid to embrace who she is. she can't quite finish that thought because

WHOOPS

go to episode 7 part 3

[buckgettingstruck]

here to ask about the camera panning to eddie. give me the freak answer pls

when i saw that shit airing i yelled and spilled wine on my carpet.

like. i feel like this is common sense but i dont know if people realize how intentional each second of a show/movie is. like whether the show is a silly sitcom or a serious drama everything is so intentional and purposeful. of course theres always continuity errors and mistakes that happen when you’re creating a show of that size thats been running for so long but for the most part everything has its intentions. its why you see certain themes come back again and again. im not gonna get into outfit meta or anything like that because its not really my wheelhouse but i did learn a lot about camera techniques and im a writer so. yeah.

shots are one of the most important aspects of a movie or a tv show. they set the mood. close up shots convey intensity and emotion while more wide shots establish a scene etc. they gave us a lot of close up shots of eddie’s face in the kim and eddie scene at the end of 7x09 because it was an intense moment for eddie as a character for example. you have to get the shot right to convey what you want your audience to see yknow.

so. you have the medal ceremony. they couldve done the announcements for these people in literally any order because they fucking wrote the script. they didnt do it alphabetically or anything normal they literally had the trio of triangulated desire standing in the back with buck in the middle AGAIN while chim and hen were being normal and serving cunt up front. and when they were sitting they had buck in the middle again because reasons. then once they got their medals itd pan to their families and significant others clapping. ofc for tommy they pan to buck because thats the person there supporting him. for BUCK they had so many options. they had bobby, his captain that he verbally said was his father figure the next episode, they had maddie, his fucking SISTER AND THE WOMAN WHO RAISED HIM, and they had tommy, the dude he’s dating. instead they pan to eddie.

literally that is the absolute LOUDEST fucking thing the show has done so far in my opinion. they panned to buck for tommy!!! they couldve panned back to buck or done it in a different order if they didnt wanna repeat so they could pan to them for each other!!! but they panned to eddie and the director of photography was even emphasizing that choice on twitter.

the entire bi arc had eddie written all over it. they had so many opportunities to shove their relationship to the side and double down on their friendship but they didnt. instead we had buck tweaking at the gym where we have no idea who eddie was even talking to on that phone, eddie constantly mentioned by buck in a kiss scene with someone else, the line of all time ‘MY attention?’, eddie interrupting the date next episode, buck not even giving a FUCK about the date because he lied to eddie, the shit maddie said that episode about being confused about his feelings, eddie saying nothing is gonna change between them (which. thats a chekov’s gun if ive ever seen one), and all the entire shit with the bachelor party. not even mentioning the implications of the song choice for the karaoke scene that paralleled madney because we didnt get it in the episode. they couldve completely avoided all of that but they didnt and then when buck is dating someone else they dont pan to HIM being happy and supportive for buck, they pan to EDDIE. it feels as if its supposed to remind us what’s actually going on or another attempt to clue us in

also like right after they had the two who were dating acting as acquaintances. and had that guy also kinda put buck’s excitement down at said ceremony. and later in that episode had buck ditch plans with the guy he was dating to make sure eddie was okay. for reasons i guess. so buddie canon or theyre doing a real bad job at getting me to care about bucks actual man

[marvelousels]

THROUGH THE STATIC | 1

(pt 2 here!)

authors note — sorry but im just so delusional wishing this was true, i love imagining that my fav characters randomly come to our world and "I DO BELIEVE THAT A MULTIVERSE EXISTS!" i say as i get dragged to the mental asylum.

pairings: jinx x fem!reader (js freinds for now ig)

DISCO! — Nessa Barrett FT Tommy Genesis playing!

The dim glow of the television screen bathed your living room in shifting hues of blue and purple. You lay sprawled on the couch, a half-empty bowl of popcorn resting precariously on your stomach. The credits for the latest episode of Arcane had just finished rolling, and the Netflix autoplay countdown ticked ominously toward the next. But you didn’t hit “Skip Intro.” Not yet.

Jinx. There she was again, center frame in your mind. Her wild, electric energy. Her piercing blue eyes. That wicked grin that danced somewhere between childlike joy and dangerous insanity. Something about her had always captivated you, far beyond any rational explanation. She was chaos incarnate, yet there was a vulnerability beneath her bravado that pulled you in like a magnet. Watching her felt like staring into a storm: terrifying, exhilarating, and impossible to look away from.

You sighed and reached for the remote, ready to plunge into another episode, when the screen suddenly froze. A flicker. Then another. The sound cut out, replaced by a low, staticky hum. Frowning, you sat up, placing the popcorn bowl on the coffee table.

“Oh, come on,” you muttered, hitting the power button. Nothing. The screen stayed on, the image of Jinx’s manic grin distorting slightly as if she were underwater.

The hum grew louder. A sharp crackle followed, and the colors on the screen began to bleed together in a way that made your eyes ache. You got up, hesitant but drawn closer by a mix of curiosity and unease. Maybe the TV was just overheating. Maybe the signal was—

Without warning, the screen flared bright white, and a shockwave of static knocked you backward. You hit the floor with a grunt, shielding your eyes from the blinding light. The air felt charged, humming with an almost electric tension.

When the light finally dimmed, you lowered your arm cautiously. The TV was off. The room was eerily quiet except for your own breathing. Then you heard it. A groan. Not yours.

You froze. Slowly, you turned your head toward the sound, your heart pounding in your chest.

Lying sprawled across the floor, half on top of you, was Jinx.

At first, your brain couldn’t process what you were seeing. She was impossibly real. Her wild blue braids, the smudged makeup around her eyes, even the faint scars on her arms—every detail was vivid, tangible. She groaned again, shifting slightly, and you felt the weight of her pressing down on your legs.

“What the hell?” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

Her eyes snapped open. For a split second, they were unfocused, darting around the room in confusion. Then they locked onto yours. Blue and intense, just like on the screen, but filled with a raw, terrifying energy that made your breath catch.

“Who the fuck are you?” she demanded, her voice sharp and accusing. She scrambled to her feet, grabbing for a weapon that wasn’t there. Her hands patted down her sides frantically before she cursed under her breath.

You sat up slowly, your hands raised instinctively in a placating gesture. “Whoa, whoa, hold on. I—I’m not gonna hurt you.”

She narrowed her eyes, backing up until her shoulders hit the wall. Her gaze darted around the room, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. The modern furniture. The framed photos. The TV. Her expression shifted from defensive to bewildered.

“Where am I?” she muttered, almost to herself. Then, louder, “What is this place?”

You opened your mouth to answer, but no words came out. What were you supposed to say? Hi, welcome to my living room. You’re supposed to be a fictional character.

“Hey!” she snapped, her eyes narrowing dangerously. “I asked you a question.”

“You’re… in my house,” you stammered. “And… uh, you came out of the TV?”

Her brows knitted together in confusion. She glanced back at the darkened screen, then back at you. “Bullshit.”

“I swear!” you said quickly, holding your hands up again. “One minute I was watching you—I mean, watching Arcane—and then the screen freaked out, and you…” You gestured vaguely at her. “You appeared.”

Jinx’s eyes narrowed further, but the initial panic seemed to ebb slightly, replaced by a cautious curiosity. She took a step closer, looming over you with an almost predatory intensity.

“You know who I am?” she asked, her tone somewhere between suspicion and amusement.

You swallowed hard. “Uh, yeah. Jinx. From… Arcane. You’re… kind of famous here.”

“Famous?” Her lips curled into a grin, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means you’re a… a character. From a TV show.” The words felt ridiculous as they left your mouth, but there was no other way to explain it.

Her grin faltered. She stared at you, her head tilting slightly as if trying to gauge whether you were messing with her. Finally, she sighed and ran a hand through her braids.

“A TV show,” she repeated flatly.

You nodded. “Yeah. You’re… fictional. Or, you’re supposed to be. I don’t know how you got here.”

Jinx’s expression darkened. Her eyes darted back to the TV, then to her hands, flexing her fingers as if to reassure herself she was real. “Fictional,” she muttered, almost to herself. “That’s… no. That’s insane.”

“Trust me, I’m just as confused as you are,” you said. “But you’re here. Somehow.”

She paced the room, her movements jerky and restless. “This has to be some kind of trick,” she said, half to herself. “Some sick game. Did Sevika put you up to this? Or Silco? Is this one of their mind-fucks?”

“I don’t know who—” You cut yourself off, realizing it was pointless. Of course she thought this was some kind of trap. Her whole life was a series of betrayals and manipulation. Why would this be any different?

“Listen,” you said carefully, “I don’t know how or why you’re here, but I’m not your enemy. I’m just… a random person who happened to be watching TV when you showed up. That’s it.”

She stopped pacing, her gaze snapping back to you. Her expression was unreadable, her blue eyes scanning your face as if searching for any hint of deception. Finally, she sighed and ran a hand through her braids.

“Okay,” she said, though her tone was far from convinced. “Let’s say I believe you. What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

You hesitated, unsure how to answer. What were you supposed to do? You were just an ordinary person. You didn’t have the faintest idea how to deal with something like this.

“I guess… we figure it out,” you said finally. “Together.”

Jinx raised an eyebrow, her lips twitching into a faint smirk. “Together, huh?”

You nodded, trying to muster some confidence. “Yeah. I mean, you’re stuck here, right? Might as well work with me instead of against me.”

She considered this for a long moment, then shrugged. “Fine,” she said. “But don’t get any ideas, ‘cause if you try anything funny…” She mimed an explosion with her hands, grinning wickedly.

You couldn’t help but laugh, though it was more from nerves than amusement. “Noted.”

And just like that, your ordinary life had been turned upside down. As Jinx plopped onto your couch, grabbing a handful of popcorn like she owned the place, you couldn’t help but wonder what the hell you’d just gotten yourself into.

Hours later, the reality of your situation began to sink in. Jinx had settled into your living room like a storm that refused to pass, alternating between questioning you about this world and exploring the space with a manic, childlike curiosity. She’d found your stash of snacks and immediately laid claim to a bag of chips, cramming them into her mouth with zero regard for crumbs.

“So this world,” she said around a mouthful of chips, “you’re saying it’s nothing like Zaun or Piltover?”

You shook your head, watching her from the other end of the couch. “Nope. No Hextech. No shimmer. No… well, no war, at least not like yours.”

She snorted. “Sounds boring.”

“It’s… peaceful,” you offered.

She rolled her eyes. “Peace is overrated.”

You couldn’t help but smile. Despite the chaos she radiated, there was something oddly endearing about her. She was a whirlwind of contradictions—reckless yet calculating, wild yet wounded. And now, she was your problem.

“So,” she said, turning her attention back to you, “how do we fix this? How do I get back?”

“I… don’t know,” you admitted. “I’m not exactly an expert on… whatever this is. Reality-hopping? Dimensional travel? It’s way out of my league.”

She groaned, flopping dramatically onto her back. “Great. Just great. Stuck in a world full of… what do you even do here? Sit around and stare at screens all day?”

“Pretty much,” you said with a chuckle. “But hey, maybe it won’t be so bad. You might even like it here.”

She gave you a skeptical look but didn’t argue. Instead, she propped herself up on her elbows, her gaze lingering on you longer than felt entirely comfortable.

“You’re weird,” she said finally, though there was no malice in her tone. If anything, it sounded almost… amused.

“Takes one to know one,” you shot back, surprising yourself with the ease of your response.

Jinx blinked, then grinned. A real grin this time, not the manic, unhinged one you’d seen earlier. For a moment, she looked almost human. Almost.

“Maybe this won’t be so boring after all,” she said, grabbing another handful of chips.

You weren’t sure whether to feel relieved or terrified. Either way, one thing was certain: life as you knew it was never going to be the same.

[that-hazbin]

Sorta AU/story idea where Alastor's a serial killer but he doesn't... completely realize that he's a serial killer.

He's super mentally Not Okay with a whole load of traumatic baggage, and sometimes when he gets past a stress threshold, he sort of... blacks out. Not faint, exactly, but his body moves on autopilot while his consciousness is just. Not there.

The first time it happened, he was fourteen. His father had beaten him black and blue, and left him limp on the floor to go beat Alastor's mother. When Alastor came to the realization that his mother stopped moving, his vision went blurry.

When he regained consciousness, his father was on the floor, bleeding from the head, eyes glazed over. It looked like he fell and hit himself on the corner of the dining table. Alastor lost both his parents on the same day.

After that, Alastor started having "episodes" a bit more often. A majority of the time, he manages to get home, and when he wakes up, he's hiding under his bed or in his closet, confused as to how he even got home. He doesn't want to be admitted into an asylum, of course, so he keeps quiet about this.

Sometimes, though?

Sometimes, he'll wake up knee deep in water, staring into the dark of a bayou. Sometimes, he'll wake up half-submerged in his bath, red going down the drain, with no clue as to where he's injured. Sometimes, the person who was screaming at him before the episode hit just went... missing the next day.

Alastor keeps quiet.

Naturally, when Alastor dies, he goes to hell. He doesn't remember the crimes, but he did commit them regardless. Of course, when people ask him what he did to end up down there, he can't give a real answer. The truth of the matter is that he doesn't know. Sure, he has... suspicions. Theories. But he doesn't know.

Things happen. He has several black out episodes in Hell before they simply stop happening, because he's stressed all the time and he can't just block every single second of every day from memory. He learns how to consciously survive in hell. Makes a name for himself.

Things roughly stay truthful to canon from there.

Then, one day, Charlie has a brilliant idea for a hotel activity. Part of redemption means acknowledging what brought you to hell to begin with, and what you can do now to make up for those actions! They go around the room, talking about the sins they committed, and what they can do now to improve. Alastor fully intends to stay out of the activity, he's not working towards redemption after all, but... Of course, Lucifer has to taunt.

Lucifer: What, you're just gonna sit around judging us?

Charlie: Er, dad—

Alastor: Hilarious coming from you, your majesty, truly. In any case, your memory seems to be failing you, I'm not here for redemption. I have no reason to participate.

Lucifer: Uh huh, neither is the bartender or the maid, you think you can be exempt just because you're staff? I'm the King of Hell and you don't see me skipping out. And here I would've thought you would have taken the chance to brag about the fucked up shit you did up there.

Charlie: Hey, guys, I don't think—

Alastor: Husk and Nifty are grown adults who are perfectly capable of making their own decisions. I am also a grown adult, and my decisions don't need to reflect theirs.

Lucifer: Oh, I see, you're a coward then?

Alastor: Believe whatever you want to, it makes no difference to me.

Lucifer: Sure it doesn't. Why don't we make this a game, huh? I'll guess your sins, and you stop me when I get it right.

Charlie: Dad, Alastor—

Lucifer: Can't imagine you fucked before marriage or anything, I mean, you scream prude. Bet you died a virgin.

Alastor: Hah, I wouldn't know. Are you done with your childish taunts, or are you going to allow your daughter to continue?

Lucifer stops dead, both because of the reminder that he's interrupting Charlie's activity, and also because he's replaying Alastor sentence back in his head. And, as the father of lies himself, he realizes that Alastor... wasn't lying when he said he didn't know.

Charlie: Great, yes, thank you Alastor! So, anyways—

Lucifer: Wait.

Charlie: Dad!

Lucifer: Seriously, wait. Bellhop, what the fuck do you mean you wouldn't know?

Angel: ... Oh shit.

Alastor: ... Charlie, continue your activity.

Charlie: Uh.

Lucifer: Oh, FUCK YOU! No, what the fuck did you mean by that?! What, were you like, drugged or—

Angel: HEY LET'S TALK ABOUT MY DEEP DARK PAST AS A MEMBER OF A MAFIA FAMILY!

Charlie: YES THANK YOU ANGEL LET'S TALK ABOUT IT! I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU FOR VOLUNTEERING!

Alastor gets the fuck out of dodge, and Lucifer finally gets the hint that he definitely stepped on a landmine that he very much should have not touched. Unfortunately, Lucifer alongside everyone in the hotel are left with a misunderstanding regarding Alastor's history.

[wordsarelife]

⛧༺ NO BODY, NO CRIME ༻⛧

EPISODE 06: i wasn’t letting up until the day he died

pairing: theo nott x potter!reader

summary: theo and you try to process past nights events, when you stumble upon a hint that could reveal the real killer

warnings: extremely big trigger warning for the whole series, in this chapter: mentions of murder, illegal activities, mentions of blood, wounds, manipulation, grooming

note: welcome back to the sixth episode of nbnc! i’m so excited to have you all back!! so so sorry this is so late, but i had so much today, i hope you still like it :) (ps: epilogue will be published on thursday probably)

please let me hear what you think in the comments!!

the next morning began like it was the most dreaded thing in the world. which wasn’t so far off, if you remembered the final moments of the night before.

neville was dead. sweet, nice, harmless neville. and he had died because of you. because you did everything, but keep out of things that didn’t concern you.

you had ignored the first warning, that draco malfoy had brought. and neville had been the final one. 

the next one to die would be you, if you didn’t finally stop investigating this whole thing.

the common room was dead silent when hermione and you came down the stairs. silent whispers hang in the air as people were crying, just finding out about the news.

a few younger students, who didn’t have much to do with neville, looked concerned and had the decency to whisper or leave the room all together. 

harry and ron looked as bad as you and hermione. 

they had waited for her, harry clasping his arms around the girl as soon as she came close. ginny was nowhere to be seen and ron informed you that she didn’t wanna get up. 

ron and harry both send you frosty glances and quickly left you behind when they walked to breakfast. they acted like you had betrayed them, and they weren’t even far off. 

hermione whispered a soft “sorry”, before she followed after them. 

maybe you could fetch a piece of bread from the kitchen? you were too ashamed to sit alone at breakfast, with the burning gazes of your friends in your back.

but it didn’t come to that. 

“ow!” a voice called when the portrait swung open and hit the person standing in front of it.

“theo?” you asked confused at what he was doing here.

“morning” theo was rubbing the back of his neck where the portrait had hit him.

“serves you right!” the fat lady commented “a slytherin shouldn’t be lurking here”

“lurking?” you repeated, quirking a brow. 

“i wasn’t lurking!” theo defended. “i was waiting for you and seemingly underestimated the distance i should’ve held”

you nodded, your smile dying down as you suddenly remembered standing in front of the portrait together with theo the night before. your throat tightened.

“hey” theo cooed, pulling you close to his chest and softly brushing a hand through your hair to calm you down. “i’m so sorry, sparrow”

“it’s my fault theo. i should’ve stopped once we received that warning”

“it’s not your fault” theo argued, shaking his head. “i insisted that we continue to investigate. if anything it’s my fault, you did nothing wrong.”

“i’m scared, theo” you muttered, tears soaking the fabric of his jumper. the material was soft, feeling warm against your cheeks. “we have to stop, before someone else gets hurt. i couldn’t bear being the reason. if something happened to my friends or you—“

“shh” theo whispered, pressing a kiss to your hair. “we’ll stop. no ones gonna get hurt. and nothing’s gonna hurt you, okay?” 

you nodded against his chest as he pulled you impossibly closer. you breathed in his smell that gave you so much comfort. a mix between nicotine and fabric softener. a feeling of home, even if he had been so foreign a few days ago. it felt like theo and you were the same. like you had been destined to find each other. 

theo loosened the hug, taking your hand as he started walking down the corridor. 

“wait” you shook your head, freezing in your step. “where are we going?”

“to breakfast of course” theo smiled softly, but quickly sensed your uneasiness, his smile turning into a frown, “what’s wrong?”

“well, my friends basically shunned me” 

“what?” theo laughed, before he realized that you were serious. “shit, really?”

you shrugged, frowning at him. “i don’t think they think i’m at fault or anything, but they’re pretty angry i’ve been hanging out with you all that time.”

“well, slytherins are the bad people, right?” theo smiled softly. 

“theo” you muttered, shaking your head. “that’s not what they—“

“but it is, sparrow” he interrupted. “i can’t even blame them, just think about that stupid ball yesterday and how everyone there was part of my house. there’s a killer on the loose and they’re just afraid that you’ll get hurt” 

“i don’t think you would hurt me. not like that anyway”

theo laughed. “i wouldn’t dare. and as soon as dumbledore finds who did this, there might be less suspicion around our relationship”

“so, you’re not breaking up with me, because my friends are acting like you’re the killer?”

“what does it look like, sparrow?” theo muttered, pushing his hands from your cheeks into your hair to pull you closer, before he connected your lips in a short kiss. “ready?” he asked, leaning back and looking at you. 

“ready” you nodded with a soft smile. it looked that with theo everything didn’t seem as bad. 

you could feel your friends’ and your brother’s gaze burn in your back when theo and you walked into the great hall. even though they were too far away for you to understand a word, you felt like you could hear every question and every malicious input the group of gryffindors were discussing about you. 

for them, this was the ultimate betrayal, the final proof that something was deeply wrong with harry potter’s corrupted sister. 

“it’s alright” theo assured, squeezing your hand that was gripping his like a lifeline. “don’t think about them” 

your arrival at the slytherin table was met with various surprised looks from the surrounding slytherins but also theo’s friends. 

“y/n!” pansy was the first to speak. she robbed to the side, freeing the space between her and mattheo for you to sit. you exchanged a glance with theo, who gave you an encouraging nod, before you settled between the black haired girl and mattheo. 

mattheo and enzo both smiled at you. malfoy shortly looked up from his papers to send you a nod, while blaise was still busy arranging food on his plate. 

“hey blaise” you smiled, trying to be friendly. 

blaise looked up at the sudden greeting. “uh hi” he muttered, obviously confused. “have we met?” 

you blankly stared at him, not even remotely knowing what to answer to that. 

“yes” theo finally said, jumping to your rescue. “of course” he shook his head, not able to hide his smile, because he found the situation so ridiculous. “don’t tell me you don’t remember y/n, she was the reason you got through divination!” 

“hm” blaise muttered, studying your face. “oh! ace, of course i remember you! why didn’t you say that sooner?”

you shook your head, a relieved smile playing on your features admist the awkwardness resolving itself. 

“thanks by the way” blaise smiled, pressing his hands together and doing a little bow, before he pushed a plate with a pancake he had coated in jam in your direction. 

“uh thanks” you smiled, taking the plate with a grateful smile. “and you did thank me. only yesterday actually” 

“huh, i don’t remember” blaise shrugged. “do any of you guys?” the rest of the slytherins shook their heads and theo and you exchanged a confused glance, before blaise leaned over the table and winked at you. “never happened”

“o—kay” you nodded, raising your fork and knife and cutting the pancake in front of you as you began to eat. 

“so did you find out who did it?” pansy wondered, as she filled your glass with orange juice. 

“no” theo shook his head. “we decided it was for the better to stop looking for answers. after what happened to longbottom yesterday, i mean—“

“it was gruesome” you added “i know all of you didn’t really like neville, but it’s just terrible”

“it is” mattheo nodded and he had an unusual caring look in his eyes when he glanced at you. 

“we loved to poke fun at longbottom” pansy muttered. “but he didn’t deserve that” 

draco lowered the papers, looking at his friends and then at you and to your surprise he didn’t say anything to contradict their words, but simply nodded. 

“you don’t know us well” enzo said. “but just know you can come to us if you need anything, loyality is the most important thing among slytherins” 

“enzo is right” mattheo added, exchanging a look with theo, who glanced at him warningly. “we’re here if you need us” 

“thank you” you smiled, looking at all of them individually. 

“yeah, like literally” blaise giggled. “it’s not like we can go anywhere while this stupid snow storm is still happening”

“i completely forgot about that” theo muttered surprised. “they still didn’t figure it out?”

“far from it” draco finally threw the newspaper onto the table, seemingly finished with reading. “they won’t say it, but all of them are disturbed, especially after what happened yesterday. they’re scared it’ll happen over and over again until we can either leave or the killer is caught.”

“he seems to be smart, right?” pansy asked theo and you. 

“well, i guess” you shrugged. “i’m not sure i’m the right person to ask”

“you two seem to have found out more than the teachers” enzo shrugged. “seems like you are”

“well, we found out a little, yeah” theo nodded, before you exchanged glances, silently discussing if it was smart to share the information you had gathered. maybe a controlled share was the best way to proceed. 

“we figured out that probably neither the nocturn society nor the artifact had anything to do with the murder. the motives would be too weak”

“yeah” theo agreed, “we also found the weapon”

“the murder weapon?” draco perked up, throwing the newspaper fully onto the table. 

“yes” you muttered and you noticed how all sytherins hung on your lips, just waiting to hear what had killed their teacher. “poison. very complicated potion, but also very deadly”

“shut up” pansy said as she leaned back on the bench, mouth wide open in disbelief. “and you tell us you don’t know if he’s smart”

“pansy’s right” mattheo agreed. “not using their wand and brewing a complicated potion? that takes intelligence and planning” 

blaise nodded. “the killer had the intention to kill and he knew how to do it without getting caught” 

“well, it can’t be a gryffindor then, can it?” enzo joked and theo shook his head. 

“we have to stay focused, enz. we were so close” he looked at you. “too close probably. the killer felt threatened, means we’re just a hint away from catching them”

“but the killer thinks that he’s smarter than you” pansy pointed out. “you might be close, but he’s always two steps ahead of you”

“he watched every step” draco added. “knows every secret”

you looked up at theo, before your eyes flew over every single person sitting at the desk. “that means..”

“…it’s someone we trust” theo added. 

your mind froze at the sudden realisation. of course! how could you have been so stupid? it was always someone who had been close. someone who believed in himself enough to pull this off. someone who knew that he had made no mistake.

or had he? your mind wandered back. images flew threw your head.

the chandelier ratteling to the ground at the ball, blaise showing you the artifact and telling you about burbage, enzo warning you about the danger it beholds, pansy offering an unexpected allyship, draco giving away warnings, mattheo’s cryptic information about the society and finally burbage’s office. 

no, the killer had clad himself in smoke and mystery, but he had forgotten about one single detail.

one single thing that made him distinctive, something that could only be connected to him, as he was smart enough to not have anyone know about his schemes. no alliences, no accomplice. just him. 

and now you knew how to identify him. 

“i have to go” you said suddenly, standing up from the bench and collecting your things in a hurry. the slytherins watched you in confusion and even theo seemed to be utterly left in the dark. “the library book” you said to him as if it was a reminder. “you promised to come with me to bring it back, remember?” 

“uh, yeah, right” you had almost let a sigh of relief break from your mouth at theo’s quick thinking. “thanks for your help guys” he nodded.

the slytherins still looked suspicious, as you waved at them and left the hall in a quick step, closely followed by theo. 

his hand was on your hip, just as you reached the hallway in front of the doors, pulling you to a halt. “what is it?” he asked, still not being able to make sense of your hurried escape. 

“we forgot something” you explained. “god, theo, we forgot the most important thing ever”

“what?” theo furrowed his brows, his breath hitching at the new information.

“he was smart, he was so smart” you shook your head in disbelief. “but the murder was personal, oh it was so personal” you laughed and theo watched you almost in horror. 

“what are you talking about, sparrow?” he asked helplessly “oh for god’s sake just—“ 

“—the message on the wine!” you spluttered and you had almost done a triumphant dance, if theo’s hands hadn’t been gripping your shoulders this hard. 

all colour vanished from his face as soon as the words registered in his mind. “no” he muttered, shaking his head. but he knew in that moment that you were right, his mind wandered back to the message, —to burbage - for when the pressure gets too much. consider this a parting gift.—, and the image was as crisp as day. 

“handwritten” you finally said. “she knew him, right? she trusted him, just like we did. she drank it, because she knew it was from him, he wrote it because he wanted her to know that it was him. that he had been the one to betray her, the one to kill her”

“shit, y/n” 

“there’s always something distinctive. in every handwriting. the m’s i write almost look like birds. hermione has the neatest handwriting ever, but she curls her g’s a bit too much. and you, you write the t in such a particular way i would recognize it anywhere”

“that’s amazing, sparrow” he smiled impressed. “but dumbledore has the message, how could we check?”

“we don’t have to” you grinned, “i noticed it when i read it the first time, but i was too stupid to make any sense of it”

“so?” theo urged. “what is it?” 

“the e” you simply said. “it’s the e. it’s not the normal one most people write, he writes them like a mirrored three. we have to get back to burbage’s office”

“okay, that’s good, no amazing actually. but the message isn’t there anymore, sparrow”

“theo, we might not know everything about the killer, but we know one thing for sure: he was probably a student in one of her classes. and do you remember how her classes were?”

“an assigned essay each week, of course” theo realized. “the proof’s been inside that stupid office all this time.”

theo and you basically sprinted through the halls. you couldn’t reach the office quick enough. it was as if every moment counted, every second could decide the future. and every minute in which you still didn’t know the killer’s identity was a lost one. 

you picked the lock, just like you had done when you had broken in the first time, theo standing in front of the classroom to keep watch, before you called him inside, revealing the opened office door. 

the contents of the room were in the same state you had left it in a few days before. the desk was still filled with various stacks of paper, which was to your advantage.

“this is gonna take forever” you groaned, pushing one stack in theo’s direction. 

“not if we sort out the papers of people that haven’t been near us this week”

“that would make the circle of suspects very scary” you mumbled.

theo shrugged. “as you said before, we trusted them, it has to be someone we know”

“so who would make the cut?”

theo thought for a second, before he began counting names in a low voice. “mattheo, pansy, draco, enzo, blaise” 

you nodded, feeling sorry for him. theo had questioned everything these past few days and he had told you multiple times that he wasn’t sure if he could trust his friends. that couldn’t be easy. 

you sighed, before you added: “ron, hermione and.. harry” 

theo and you exchanged a worried glance, both absolutely disturbed from the chance that the killer was someone so close. but it was the only possibility and you both knew it, as you silently sorted through the essays. 

the never ending stacks only seemed to grow as you worked through the papers, not seeing an end yet. 

suddenly, there was a disturbance in front of the door. it sounded like someone was rattling on the door to the office. theo and you exchanged hurried glances. but it was too late, both of you had grown far too comfortable, launching on the ground, papers around and in your laps. 

the sigh of relief was silmultaneous as the disturbance revealed itself to be a patronus charm, with a message attached. pansy’s voice rang out in the little office. 

“the teachers just took mattheo with them” she muttered in a hurry. “they think he did it, they’re taking us in for questioning. i know that he didn’t do it, theo, but they believe it’s him” 

the patronus disappeared and left theo and you speechless. 

“shit” theo scrambled to his feet. “shit, shit, shit” 

“it’s okay” you assured, standing up and gripping his hands, that had been trying to rip out his hair. “you’ll go and answer any question, yeah? i’ll sort through the papers and come as soon as i find the proof. they can’t arrest him if i have the proof”

“are you sure?” theo looked from the papers to you and back. he was unsure about leaving you alone, but you nodded. 

“go!” you encouraged, pushing him in the direction of the door. “go”

theo nodded, walking out of the door, but quickly dashing back inside to give you a quick peck. “thank you” he softly said against your lips, before he left the room fully. 

you smiled after him, before you got right back to work. in the span of five minutes, you had a small stack with essays from everyone on your suspect list, including your own brother. 

harry’s was the first one you checked. nothing. 

pansy’s essay was absolutely chaotic and she tended to draw hearts instead of points onto her i’s, but there was no sign of a mirrored e. 

mattheo and blaise were fine too. they had written little to nothing, but you could tell enough from it. 

hermione’s was neat as always, her writing not faltering and it would’ve suprised you if she had ever even thought about writing her e’s the way you were searching for right now. 

the next paper you threw open, made your breath hitch. not only because the handwriting matched the one on the wine message, but because there was a little post it note plastered onto the page.

‘wonderful work as always, darling, can’t wait to see you after dinner tonight’

you and theo had been wrong. yeah, burbage had trusted her killer, but not because he was a student or someone she knew. the killer wasn’t the relative or a friend of her victim. no, the killer and the victim were the same person. 

“i wish you wouldn’t have found this” 

his voice was the first thing you heard. then pain. you fell forward, the essay slipping from your hands as your head made contact with the hard floor beneath you. your sight was black as you felt him bend over you, your hand searching for anything you could use to fight him. you gripped something, bringing it close to your chest, before the pain registered once again and you lost consciousness. 

by the time you woke up, you couldn’t tell how many minutes had passed. the first thing you felt was the cold breeze of the evenings wind. maybe it had been hours since he had taken you, or maybe you had been in that office longer than you could remember now. 

you couldn’t move a muscle, probably a hex that was resting on your body. 

your eyes snapped open, scanning the room, or more lack of, around you. you were laying in the middle of the wodden platform of the astronomy tower. the very same platform theo and you had talked on only days before, minutes before you found the body of your teacher. 

“hello” he smiled, stepping around you and helping you to sit up against a box behind you. 

“i would’ve never even thought” you shook your head, tears brimming at your eyes. 

enzo giggled relentlessly. “oh, don’t cry, angel” he caught one of your tears with his finger. “i should be the one who’s sad” his mimic changed dramatically, as he took on a whiny voice, “i tried to talk her out of it, but she was so far gone. she told me that the murders had been necessary to fulfill what the artifact had needed from her. but she regretted it and couldn’t live with the guilt.” he paused, smiling at you, before he fell back into his previous role. “i’m so sorry, theo, i tried to catch her but i was too late” 

you closed your eyes, silent tears rolling over your cheeks. “she broke up with you, that’s why you killed her, isn’t it?”

enzo laughed. “our relationship was magical and she broke it off from one day to another, like it had meant nothing, like i had meant nothing”

“it wasn’t your fault” you shook your head, trying hard to keep together, despite the hatred that was ready to flood your features. “you are a victim, enzo, she used you, she manipulated you”

enzo stared at you unimpressed. “she loved me” he corrected. “and i loved her too. i did everything for her, was her good boy. and what did i get? not even a proper conversation. she just decided it was over”

“she hurt you” you nodded. “you didn’t deserve that” 

“of course i didn’t” he laughed like a maniac. “that’s why i made sure she knew that too. it was almost too easy to paint myself as innocent. the stupid society, the idiot blaise and his artifact, all these bloody people, they played their part perfectly.” he grinned, “even theo. i have to admit that he was the riskiest part of the plan, but he was susprisingly easy to manage. and that just because he decided to fuck potter’s sister, who would’ve thought?”

you looked away, not giving him the satisfaction of a reaction. 

“i’ve been in love too, i know how it’s like. you lose sight for everything else. just like at the ball were you two were too occupied making out until that chandelier almost ripped you to shreds. would’ve made a great show, by the way”

he shrugged, before he continued to speak. “the only thing that complicated things was that stupid snow storm”

“complicated?” you repeated in disbelief. “gave you all the time in the world, didn’t it?”

“it wasn’t part of the plan.” he shook his head “charity summoned it. couldn’t have been worse timing. she wanted to give blaise and the other idiots more time to figure out how to work the artifact.”

it was weird to hear the professors first name escape enzo’s lips, without so much as a second thought, like it was his nature to call her by her name. which it was, but it freaked you out nonetheless. 

“too bad she gave you time to investigate her own murder, huh?”

“you disgust me” you spit. 

“i only had to do what was necessary, angel” he moved a piece of hair behind your ear.

“neville was not necessary” a bit of movement entered your body, making you able to lean back to escape his touch. 

enzo frowned. “of course he was” he stood up, looking down onto the ground from the railing. “someone had to find that potion for me. what a shame that longbottom enjoyes to read so much.. pardon enjoyed”

another few tears rolled over your cheeks, your head already hurting from all the crying. 

“had to get rid of him just to be sure, god forbid he would’ve made that connection. i was lucky, i guess” he turned around and looked at you, smiling even brighter as he noticed that you were crying even more than before. “and the message it send was just a bonus. how else could i make sure you stay far away from that stupid investigation. but you’re not so good at listening, right angel? we wouldn’t even be here if you had just stayed in line. and i find it awfully impractical that i have to kill such a hot girl, but you’re too young for me anyway” his smile send shivers down your spine.  

“i can’t believe she drank that poisoned wine, because i don’t think she loved you, enzo, she used you, that’s all” 

“don’t you dare” enzo stepped closer, anger evident on his face. “she was fucking obsessed with me. blinded by love. she drank the whole bottle because she missed me”

“she never loved you” 

“she died thinking about me. i was there” he admitted. “that night, i opened the door for her, she said my name before she fell into the snow.”

you huffed. “you were there?”

“well, i had to slip the rune into her hand and make sure someone found her in time. luckily theo and you were right there, like actors in a play.” he paused, a few beats of silence passing by. “is that a game for you guys? stumbling over bodies, investigating murders and then fucking in broom closets? that get you going?” 

“shut up” 

enzo giggled obnoxiously, shaking his head as his laughter died down. “nah, baby” he grinned. “your turn to shut up.”

he reached for your body, picking you up with ease. “you and me could’ve been a great pair, if you were like twenty years older” he walked you closer and closer to the edge. until only the railing was between you and the ground beneath. 

you could feel the wodden beam press into your back. enzo’s breath was hot on your face as he stared down at you. you could tell from his face, that he enjoyed this. almost like it was a game to him, like a sick fantasy that he could get off to.

he caressed your cheek, before softly loosening your ponytail. “makes it look more dramatic” he smiled, as he watched your hair move in the wind. 

he pushed you back slowly, like he was trying to let you down easy, almost like you would float to the ground. but the desire in his eyes told another story, he was blood thirsty and he would keep anything you’d give him. 

your body gained more and more movement as the hex wore off. enzo furrowed his brows when he felt you pushing against him, body to body. 

“trying to keep it interesting, huh?” he laughed, watching attentively as your hand grabbed his underarm. it made you uneasy to see the relaxed reaction he had to you fighting back. like he knew perfectly how easy he could overpower you if he wanted. he was just entertaining you, just enjoying your miserable tries to free yourself from him. 

there was no situation where you had a real advantage. both of you knew that. you could only hope for a wonder, but then, you could feel your legs again. 

it was like you knew what to do immediately. you moved your arm fast, it was so surprising you really got it free. then your leg knee flew up, kicking enzo in the balls, just as you moved his body closer with both hands on his shoulders. 

he groaned from the sudden pain, his body collapsing to the ground. it gave you enough time to get away from the railing, but not enough to reach the stairs before he was on his feet again, pressing your back against his chest. “nice try, angel” he whispered into your ear. you wanted to throw up from the tone of his voice. 

so cocky, totally unbothered. 

he started dragging you back into the direction of the railing again. you tried to make yourself as heavy as possible, trying to make it as hard as possible for him to overpower you. 

“don’t be difficult” he groaned, slowly becoming annoyed at your relentless trying. your hand went through the air, grabbing onto a thick beam, that was not fully brought on, but only leaned against the rest of the construction. 

you kicked against it. one, two, three times. enzo looked up from the sudden sound of the beam falling forward. on it’s way down, it hit both of you, as your tried to gamble away. 

now the head injury was joined by a gush on your arm. enzo was bleeding at the leg and both of you stayed unmoving for a second. the heavy beam, claiming the middle of the railing as it fell against it, hit the ground with a thud.

“well, that makes it easier” enzo grinned, eyes on the empty space were the railing used to be, before stumbling back onto his feet just as you did. 

you sprinted towards the stairs, but before you could reach them, enzo had stepped in your way with open arms. “you’re not leaving yet already, are you?” 

you stumbled back, well aware that the missing railing was practically a free passage for you to fall to your death. 

maybe there was no escape. maybe you would die by falling off this stupid tower, maybe you would die, becoming the killer that enzo would direct you to be as soon as he would tell his story. 

a silent movement behind enzo made you look up. blaise had climbed the stairs, stepping onto the plattform. 

your reaction had to have been hopeful enough for enzo to suspect something, as he spun around, facing his friend with a look of surprise. 

blaise wasted no time as he reached out and hit enzo in the face. the younger boy stumbled back, holding his bloody nose, before he regained confidence, the surprise finally leaving his body, as he leaped over the platform, throwing himself at blaise. 

blaise jumped back, but was still taken to the ground, as enzo began hitting him merciless. he reached for a piece of wood beside him, hitting blaise so hard, that blood splattered into the air and a sharp breath left your mouth. 

blaise kept lying on the platform unmoving as enzo climbed off him and turned back around to meet your gaze. there were driplets of blood all over his face, his own, mixed with some of blaise’s. he opened his mouth, widely smiling at you, exposing his teeth to be as blood covered as the rest of his face. 

“your turn, angel” he dashed over the platform fast, ripping you away from the wall, you had stood against and moving you closer and closer to the edge. “third time’s the charm, right?” he grinned. 

you closed your eyes. 

his steps were slow, deliberate, clearly enjoying every ounce of control he had over you. killing was like breathing to him. like it was the only thing that brought him joy. and this person, this killer, was totally different to the person he had been before. it was like something had been awakened in him, ready to strike as soon as needed. 

a thud made you open your eyes again. a disbelieving laugh left your mouth as you noticed that blaise had sat up. the wound on his head bleeding, but he was alive. 

again, your reaction triggered enzo and he turned around searching for the cause of the noise. his susprise was just as present as yours, ultimately being sure that he had killed his friend. 

blaise’s survival was like newfound hope for your body, you pushed enzo back, changing sides, as he was now the one closest to the railing, or the nonexistent one to be more precise. 

you reached for the piece of wood he had hit blaise with and quickly hit him in the stomach. enzo stumbled back and before he could dash forward, you hit him again. 

you noticed the beam of wood on the floor between him and the railing too late. enzo stumbled back from the second hit, trying to find his balance, as the back of his feet hit the beam and gravity did the rest. 

it was like he fell back in slow motion. your hands let go of the wood you had used to hit him as your ran forward, trying to hold onto his hand or any part of him. but it was too late.

you were sure you had fallen off the edge too, if blaise hadn’t pulled you back at just the right time. 

“no!” you screamed as you realized what had just happened, you stared down onto enzo’s unmoving body on the ground beneath the tower for only a second, before blaise moved you back towards the stairs. 

you both fell onto the floor, the shock draining you and making your bodies heavier than usual. 

“i killed him, i killed him” you cried against blaise’s chest. blaise stared straight ahead, just as traumatized as you, before you could feel him shake his head. 

“no, he fell” he corrected. “he fell, it wasn’t you”

“i’m sorry, i killed him” 

“no, ace, you didn’t” he moved you back. “look at me. it’s important that you know you didn’t. he fell”

you nodded, tears falling off your face, because they were running down your cheeks so quickly. 

“repeat it” blaise said. “you have to repeat it: he fell”

“he fell” you repeated, your voice only coming out as a whisper. 

“again!”

“he fell” you said, less unsure, louder, clearer. 

“there you go” blaise nodded, pressing your face against his chest to comfort you. “not your fault” 

you continued to cry together for what felt like hours, but was only mere minutes. not one of you dared to move or look over the edge to find enzo’s body on the ground. your very short sight of his body and the blood on the snow had been enough to keep you from it. 

heavy footsteps echoed through the tower and the next thing you saw, was theo make his way onto the platform, a worried expression on his face. “what happened?” he asked, while blaise helped you stand and you stumbled into theo’s direction. 

blaise nodded as your searched for a confirmation. 

you fell into theo’s arms, while blaise’s nod of permission wandered through your mind. you breathed, a sigh of relief and clear air wandering into your lungs for the first time in hours. 

“he fell”

epilogue out soon...

🏷️ : @melsunshine @shereadsandcries @ch3rry-lips @the-sylver-dragon @mayamonroem @allurearia @prongsprincessworld @brokenpoetliz @winterbarnesblog @cowboy-luvr @ahead-fullofdreams @mietlynn @too-efn-old-to-be-here @insideoutjulie @dvartesgfs @chimchoom @eggsysstuff @uku-lelevillain @lexi2005 @folklcv4r @lovrsm @esmerai-artemis @lia-2008 @liataylorsversion @mysummerwinesblog @reverse-soe @thestrawberrythatgotaway @maxsisly

let me know if you want to be added/removed

ps: there will be one more chapter, the epilogue :)

[madkiska]

watching the entirety of jrwi: riptide again. here's some important things from the first few episodes that I feel we forgot (<110 mentions too though)

Jay

Had night terrors similar to those of Kubakinta's curse in episode 5, and they eventually start returning even after Loffinlot's curse is lifted ○ All of them were about her family and/or the navy ○ I simply think people leave her out of the nightmare stuff and she deserves it. Hurt her more, please (he said, lovingly)

was actually very upset at having to use her medal to get a Loffinlot rebellion to shut up ○ This could be because she didn't want them to guess she was a spy, but I choose to believe it's because she felt guilty

"If you're gonna be sailing with someone, you should have a good relationship with them. [nervous chuckle]." She says, while asking him for information about the Black Rose Pirates (ep. 10)

Said "thank god they didn't find me" after a nightmare about the navy attacking. Even when she was supposedly a spy, who one day would have to return to the navy ○ Very unclear if she was scared of her dad, or if it's because she was a secret spy so the navy would've just killed her

Rewatching, she was suspiciously into the plundering and gold and stuff. Like that was real sus. It doesn't fit her current character much

The only one among them who's gambled before

Chip

The entire thing literally starts off with Bizly holding a lit match

Called Gillion "Gill" and Jay "Sureshot" from an early stage

Was SO much more of a bastard. Lied to Gill constantly, didn't care about anything but the money, etc.

Had aggressive hand tremors alongside Jay's night terrors ○ Gill cures it with lay on hands

When he gets drunk married, they talk extensively about how he'd be released when he's dead. Welp.

They did actually break up and it was fine and they were still friends. They parted on good terms

Is really fucking good at chess ○ Beat Earl twice and Jay once. Jay had a point of exhaustion after a nightmare but Earl had no excuse ○ Lost to Gillion though, but only cause of prophetic screwup ○ This kid is smarter than he lets on, y'all

Was the first one to have a backstory dump while Jay is asking him about the Black Rose Pirates, yet still we know jack shit about his life before them other than "orphan"

Gill

Charlie has referred to Gillion with 'they' many times. I can pull receipts.

When describing Gill, Charlie said: "He's more.. elven, if you had to make a comparison. 'Cause I don't wanna be a fish guy". Oh, honey.

Smote a bald person by using his hair as a whip (ep. 4)

Was given anxiety and self-doubt alongside jay's night terrors and chip's tremors ○ "What do you want?" "I want the feeling of satisfaction I've been chasing my whole life." ○ This was episode FIVE.

First mention of the prophecy and how Gillion wasn't their ideal student is ep. 7, after he divine smites + prophetic screwups and deals like 60 damage to some beetles ○ Chip spends the next 30 seconds in gay awe

He refers to the crescent moon Niklaus tattoo as "my zodiac" (probably a bit) ○ It's not a lil basic white girl moon this thing is the entire size of his forearm

Gill had never heard about the Black Sea - it's unclear if the Undersea just don't know, or if that's just how sheltered he was (ep. 10)

Biz: "What would Gillion do. If he just had no goal - was just sitting there." "Gillion always has a goal." "Would his goal ever be to just.. Sit there?" "Absolutely not." ○ Later, Chip expresses that he doesn't know what Gillion likes. What he would want out of winning a bet. Gillion doesn't have an answer

Other

Apple, in a couple of early battles, acted like Gill's familiar (see: ep. 7)

They also pecked at his Niklaus tramp stamp and looked all confused at the idea of eating seeds

The specific crescent of the moon in the Niklaus tattoo is known as a symbol of "corruption" (ep. 9) and its antonym is the sun, for "life", similar to the yin and yang ○ Interesting to consider after what the tree said in 110 <_<

Pretzel has a masters degree in couple's therapy (ep. 10)

The Albatross/Millennium Chipper was described as the colour of rosewood or mahogany

Captain Lizzie's first introduction was a wanted poster, and Chip wanted to turn her in for the prize, then decided to try learn from her instead

Chip/Bizly called Old Man Earl "Erol" for a loooong time ○ Maybe it's an accent thing but I have an uncle called Erol and so this stands out to me

[themultifandomgal]

I have a Mark Sloan x female

What if Mark Sloan had been dating Meredith’s older sister who is head of trauma. Y/n and Mark broke after the situation with his daughter and grandson.

After the night at Joes after the attendings had been celebrating Derek, Mark and y/n ends the night with sleeping together.

About 8 or 9 weeks y/n starts to feeling nauseous and tired. Callie starts to feel the same way as y/n, the two friends takes a pregnancy test and they both finds out that they are pregnant.

Callie had slept with a stranger from joes bar.

Y/n tells Mark that she is pregnant with his child and he wants them to get back together.

Maybe you can make it as two or three parts, something based on season 7 episode 9, 13 and 14

Mark Sloan- Try Again Pt1

It all started 9 weeks ago with one drunken night at Joe’s Bar. One night of weakness. I promised myself I wouldn’t run back to Mark, but I did. We broke up because I felt he needed to focus on his daughter and his unborn grandchild. I still love him, I think I always will. Maybe braking up was a mistake, but here we are. Now Callie and I are sat in my bedroom both with pregnancy tests in hand

“I’m scared” I reveal

“Me to. At least you’ll know who the dad is though”

“Why did we go to the bar that night?”

“Because we were celebrating Derek. The real question is why did we get so drunk?” Callie replies

“Cal, what are we going to do if they’re positive?”

“Well, you need to talk to Mark. But whatever you decide to do I’ll be by your side. If I’m pregnant I’ve already decided I’m going to keep them”

“I mean I have wanted to be a mom forever and I am getting older” just then the timer goes off. Both Callie and I take in a deep breath and look down at the tests in our hands. 2 pink lines. Pregnant. Tears immediately start to threaten to fall from my eyes, emotions are all over the place, scared, confused, excitement

“I’m pregnant” Callie says

“Me to”

“You ok?”

“I honestly don’t know how I feel. You?” I turn to face my best friend

“Same. Guess I gotta tell Arizona now”

“Fuck I gotta tell Mark” I groan placing my head in my hands

“You want me to come with you?”

“No” I shake my head “I gotta do this myself. I’ll call you later”

“Good luck” Callie says as I get up from the couch and leave my apartment, heading straight for my car and then Marks place.

I knock on the door waiting for what feels like ages until it finally opens up to a confused looking Mark

“YN? What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk. Can I come in?”

“Sure…” Mark opens up the door more so I can step into his place. Knowing where everything is I head straight to the kitchen to get out a bottle of beer for him and a glass of juice for myself

“Bit early to drink isn’t it”

“I think your gonna need it. Go sit” I follow Mark back into the living room and sit down next to him. It’s silent for a number of minutes until Mark finally says

“So you going to tell me why your here and trying to get me drunk while you sip on orange juice”

“Mark, I’m pregnant”

“Your… you… are you sure”

“Yeah. Took a test this morning. Plus no period, I’ve been feeling nauseous and tired. Boobs are aching and I swear they’re already a cup size bigger”

“But we used…”

“Are you sure we did because we were both pretty drunk. Look I think I want this, the baby. I’m getting older and I’ve wanted kids for a long time. If you want to be apart of their life I would love that, if not then that’s ok I under….”

“No I want to do this. I’ve missed the chance to be a dad before. I’m not doing that again. I want to be part of their life”

“Well ok then. I still need to book for a scan so I’ll Errm let you know” I stand up ready to leave

“Wait. Err I was just making some lunch, made to much for one��� so if you’d like, you can stay for a bit” I give Mark a little smile and nod my head

“Ok. Yeah”

[kaseyskat]

okay since they said that the san diego show is gonna be the only one Not recorded, i'll do my best to summarize the show for y'all!!!

-glenn's dad fact: the glenn close trio instagram (? i think?) is full of pictures of glenn standing next to a picture of the real glenn close

-darryl's dad fact: he and carol go to san diego very frequently because darryl likes the breweries and carol likes surfing! they have not "had sex" there once, but they HAVE made love (statements that made me cringe out loud)

-henry's dad fact: he and mercedes make a fake san diego burrito for themselves and the twins. it sounds awful.

-ron's dad fact: he thinks san diego is a type of eggo waffle

-the prompt that we rolled was called DADDY BABIES. the plotline? the dads (and paeden) went to the dimensional witch tilt toblerona to ask her to give them the strength of their youth back so they could find their kids. instead, tilt turned them into babies.

-the dads still have all of their memories of who they are as people and they can talk to themselves and to paeden (tilt does not understand them though, tilt only hears baby noises) but physically Being a baby affects their mental state just a bit

-ron wanted to stay a baby forever. henry tried to explain the concept of ageplay to him, darryl got confused thinking that ron just wanted to HAVE a baby like with samantha, henry had to explain fetishes

-during the baby section, henry is the most "adult" and ends up having to corral the others. darryl is a close second, but glenn and ron both Suffer Immensely

-while tilt is making. applesauce? the babies scheme on how to escape, involving an elaborate scheme in which henry uses mold earth on playdoh to make fake versions of themselves blue in the face and choking in a plastic bag and ron throwing his voice to sound like a baby crying. beth made the worst fake crying noise ever but then also gave us an INSANE dolphin noise when anthony called her out on it

-(also the dads had to roll object permanence to see if they thought tilt was gone forever when she was out of their line of sight. glenn failed this check very badly. darryl even played peekaboo with him to demonstrate object permanence and it failed. anthony made a horrible horrible joke that glenn's not a bad parent he just has bad object permanence even when it comes to nick)

-somehow this works? they trap tilt toblerona (glenn using illusory mind prison to make tilt think SHES the one choking on a plastic bag, henry casting stone wall on her to build a lego wall around her and effectively cask of amontillado-ing her) and then wander around the house looking for a way out.

-they realize they need tilt's key to escape, but first they watch an episode of bluey! henry is the only one who saved on a roll to Not be sucked into watching bluey and ends up unplugging the TV and going on a tangent about how screentime is bad

-(which is really fucking funny because he very explicitly says "lark and sparrow are well behaved because we set boundaries and have them play outside instead of using screens" and we all know how lark and sparrow are like. not???? not well behaved. henry im so sorry to break this to you but they are not well behaved-)

-anyways they get back to tilt, find and steal her key, and then open the door, promptly getting sucked through dimensions

-(darryl thinks for a second that he's in the rapture and tries to baptize himself in case his baby form isn't baptized. henry tries to help but goes on another tangent and they miss the opportunity)

-when they awaken, they find themselves now as teenagers in a classroom! and they see a GOTH PUNK SEEKER OF DARKNESS (phrases that made the entire crowd erupt in screaming, myself included)

-this time, darryl is the most stable of the dads! glenn coming in second, and then ron and henry were both. very teenager.

-darryl immediately offers to play ball with link. link is interested but ultimately gets shot down by tilt, who explains that they are in interdimensional detention forever

-glenn and taylor immediately bond over how cool they are

-scary asks ron if she can copy his math homework because he seems smart with a tie. ron agrees to let her but is very nervous about it (we later find out this is because he is not very good at math)

-teenage henry is a fucking delight yall. he sits there staring out the window at the trees and writing poetry (with long hair! long hair teenage hen is real!!!) about the trees and enjoying nature

-scary has to roll not to fall in love with him the second she finds out that he writes poetry (she fails)

-normal tries to bond with his grandfather. henry brushes him off entirely. its heartbreaking and also hilariously funny

-normal goes fucking apeshit yall. he gets so fed up of henry ignoring him and the others not talking to him and being trapped in this small room that he takes a crossbow and threatens tilt with it. she calls his bluff and he SHOOTS HER?

-at least, he tries. she catches the bolt and then tells him that if he's serious he needs to actually stab the bolt into her heart himself. he does. he's unhinged.

-tilt tries to explain her entire sob story backstory. darryl interrupts to boo her and call her a loser.

-glenn and taylor throw a desk out of the window to break it open. going out the window Will Kill You.

-ron paints the window like a slip and slide to try and trick tilt into going into it. it doesn't work. however two guards come in and it DOES work on one of the guards

-the other guard eventually gets physically thrown out of the window by taylor, who proudly declares that this will not affect him at all

-henry goes to talk to scary. scary gets excited, but then henry just asks if she thinks that teen darryl would go out with henry because even though he's "not henry's type", something about him is captivating. scary is heartbroken.

-darryl overhears this and rejects henry on the basis of him still dating carol! but offers to set henry up with carol's friends.

-glenn and taylor use awful fireworks to blind tilt, the other guard (that taylor kills), and normal since he was in range.

-scary tries to be bitter and calls henry out for being blind, but henry wasn't hit with the spell and immediately says some fakedeep shit about seeing more than most people do. it is insanely funny i cannot stress how funny teenage henry is

-link is now convinced that public schools were a mistake and he needs to leave Right Now. he rolls a nat 20 on taking the key, but uses it for himself to fucking dip. he just ditches them. he bolts for it. normal even tries to give him a high five and link completely goes NOPE.

-when nobody else has another form of escape, henry takes out his sketchbook? that apparently he always has as a teen? and uses summon creature to draw a boar and bring it to life. the boar smashes through the door and now they are saved!

-it is here that it is revealed this was all a dream but specifically a dream set pre-canon. darryl makes a comment about link being a narc. glenn tells taylor to never change because he's perfect exactly the way he is. scary tells ron that he sucks at math (and ron is very confused about scary's existence he doesn't know who she is).

-HENRY. tells normal to be the best version of himself. AND TO HELP HIM WITH THAT. he draws. TEENY. TO GIVE TO NORMAL AND INSPIRE HIM TO BE HIS BEST SELF. and that is how normal came up with teeny the teen as the mascot of teen high

-it was such a fun show, i'm so glad i got to attend! shame that it isn't being recorded

[hazbinshusk]

ur crazy if u don’t think im gonna ask u for 41 with blitz for that kiss thingy

prompt #41: a kiss out of spite (because of course you asked for this lol) set during spring broken. episode-typical misogyny inbound.

“Hey, have you got any idea who the new neighbors are in the office across the hall, because –” you break off as you look up and take in Blitzø’s expression. It’s enough to make you straighten from where you were digging in the cabinet for new coffee filters, eyebrows shooting up in surprise. Blitzø’s whole body was tense, his lips set into a hard, furious line and a furrow carved between his brows. His tail whipped behind him irritably, and he slammed the door behind him. It bounced back open, and he cursed, slamming it again. “What’s wrong?”

“The fuck are the others?”

“In the… conference room,” you reply automatically. Loona and Moxxie were in there anyway, the hellhound muttering something about Millie looking for a parking space as she passed. The little imp had been slung over her shoulder and looked… well, it had only added to your confusion. “What’s going on?”

“Call me a fuckin’ bitch, that rancid whore doesn’t know who she’s fuckin’ with—” he ranted, pacing across the carpet. “Gonna make her wish she never stepped one of her ugly ass stripper heels in Pride. Bring up my sister like she knows—”

“Blitzø!” you interrupt him, surprised by the fury radiating off of him. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“And where the fuck were you?!” he snarls, tail snapping behind him as he turns on you. “Coulda actually used your fuckin’ help with this bullshit bitch and you’re up here with your thumb up your fuckin’ ass.”

You raise a brow, anger of your own overtaking your confusion. “Excuse me?”

“You fuckin’ heard me!” he retorts, closing in on you. “My whore-bag ex shows up and the office hottie isn’t there to make me look good! What the fuck is the point of—”

You grab him by the throat, cutting him off mid-sentence. He glowers, tail thrashing, but he stills. “I’m sure that was supposed to feel like a compliment buried somewhere down there in the bullshit you just spewed at me, but you’re going to wanna to tread real careful for the next part of this conversation.”

His fists curl up by his sides, but he doesn’t argue. You relax your hand.

“Now, how the fuck did you expect me to help with your ex? Who I’m guessing is the one playing the shitty music across the hall.”

Blitzø shoves your hand away from his throat and grabs your face in both hands, pulling you into him. His mouth meets yours roughly, and he doesn’t give you a chance to get over your surprise before he’s pushing his tongue into your mouth, his teeth grazing your lip hard enough that you taste the metallic tang of blood. He presses his body flush against yours, his thigh pressing between yours, claws curling in your hair.

You find yourself melting into it despite yourself, fingers clutching at the lapels of his jacket. You let him assault your mouth for a few more moments before you shove him away, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. Blood streaks over your skin.

“The fuck did you do that for?” you’d sound more outraged if he hadn’t left you breathless.

“That’s how you fuckin’ help.” he tells you, his own chest heaving. He swallows heavily before he tears his eyes away from you, clapping his hands together. “Now get your ass into the conference room. We’ve got a fuckin’ challenge to win.”

“Prick,” you mutter under your breath as you follow him obediently, thrown off balance by his sudden shift in mood. His words finally register with you, and you speak up. “What challenge? The fuck are you talking about?”

send me a prompt and either husk or blitzø

[physics-of-one-piece]

Doflamingo's Day Trip to Punk Hazard

Clear the way. The King of Dressrosa is leaving the royal palace in a flair of absolute style for urgent business on Punk Hazard.

Better hold onto his coat for dear life, because this man is FAST. I recommend wrapping your arms around his neck, I would not trust that coat regardless of how it sticks to him. His arms aren’t in his sleeves, that is a death game I do not want to play. So, arms around his neck. Take a nice little inhale of his royal cologne probably worth more than your civilian life if you’re feeling brave. Maybe nuzzle into him, get comfy, you know. It’s gonna be a trip. You won't have the time to breathe. At least the view will be nice, both at the sea and the... Pilot.

Okay. Ready? (Dear God, look at the size of his shadow, holy hell)

Go!

AND HE’S OFF!

Welcome to Doffy's Physics Lab. Let’s calculate how fast Doflamingo flew from Dressrosa to Punk Hazard.

Things to note:

1) The One Piece world is much bigger than Earth. It’s not possible to calculate how big it is. 100 times big is too big, two times big is too small, but Oda put the bottom of the sea at 10km, which is the same as the depth of the Earth’s sea. See the confusion?

2) Law slowed him down by giving him the ultimatum and taking Buffalo & Baby 5 hostage and no clouds.

First, we need the distance.

We can calculate the distance from Punk Hazard to Dressrosa using the SAD tanker. It’s mentioned in the manga it takes a day to reach Dressrosa by ship from Punk Hazard, so that’s 24 hours. A cargo ship goes 25 knots per hour. 

nautical miles = 25 knots • 24 hours

= 600 nautical miles

We need to turn them into kilometers. 

1 nautical mile = 1.852 kilometers

kilometers = 600 • 1.852 kilometers = 1111,2 km ~ 1111 km

Keep in mind, the One Piece world is bigger than ours. This can be considered a short distance for them, but long distance for us. For real life example, London and Berlin are 1,100 km away from each other. The flight takes 1 hour 40 minutes by plane.

Next, we need time. Some people will hate that I use anime time, but for Punk Hazard, it isn't that big of a stretch to use it as a guide. Also, the fact the Straw Hats had a party and ate makes me think there was no way they were at the coast for a full hour before setting sail. Nuh-uh. They'd be sliced if they had stayed that long. But I'm also aware real-time probably happened faster such as a fight, so we're gonna cut the time of the ep where Nami & Usopp beat Baby 5 & Buffalo in half.

Doflamingo set off to Dressrosa at Ep 620, landed on PH in Ep 624. If we go and calculate when he made it to Punk Hazard by making it 18 minutes for each ep (counting 11 mins of 624, half-cutting 621, and counting only last minute of 620), it would be under an hour. That’s already awesome. He’s one of the fastest fliers in the series.

Let’s first focus on those 2 last minutes of Episode 620. 

At 21:25, he leaves the royal palace. At 22:23, he is already over the sea. That’s 58 seconds it takes him to cross over Dressrosa. Thankfully, the fandom did the size of Dressrosa already. 

The diameter of Dressrosa is 50 kilometers. The area is 1,960km². 

That is not even the size of Madrid (Madrid is smaller). So, he’d fly across Madrid like NOTHING.

To put Dressrosa as a comparison with the real world, it is the size of Kuiu, an island in Alaska in United States.

Here it is. It’s a shame Kuiu is so thin, but the length isn’t a bad thing to have. That’s what we need. Length.

Okay, the royal palace is at the center of Dressrosa. That means we go 50÷2 to get the radius.

That’s 25 km. Not meters. Kilometers. 

Okay, so, I mentioned Madrid. Do you all want to know the  area and diameter of Madrid, the capital of Spain, the biggest city in Spain? 

😁😁

It’s 606 km². The diameter is 27 km. The radius is 13.5 km. He’d cross all over Madrid within 30 seconds maybe.

🙂🙂

(Screams)

Haha. Ha. 

If anyone wants to know, Dressrosa is, thankfully, NOT bigger than Spain. Spain is 500 times bigger than Dressrosa. 

All right, let’s calculate how fast Doflamingo is moving to get from Dressrosa and already be out at sea within 58 seconds. We’ll add about a kilometer so the sea is the only thing beneath him as shown in the anime.

We’re using the simplest formula here.

speed = distance/time

We’ll put distance into meters because we have seconds here, not hours.

26 km = 26,000 m

speed = 26,000 m/58 seconds

speed = 448,27 m/s (1470 feet/s)

Let’s convert it to km/h

448,27 m/s • 3.6 = 1614 km/h (1002 mph)

Hahaha, holy FUCKING SHIT. That's jet speed.

I TOLD YOU, HANG ONTO THAT COAT FOR DEAR LIFE, I TOLD YOU.

Dressrosa to Sea = 1614 km/h (1002 mph)

Okay, he broke the sound barrier. If anyone wants to know, you break the sound barrier after your speed passes 1239 km/h (770 mph).

He covers 26 km within 58 seconds at 1614 km/h speed. He covers 448 meters per second. He is moving at jet speed here.

Okay, now comes the Sea to Punk Hazard. Doflamingo has cleared 26 km of the 1111 km so that leaves him with 1085 km to cross.

Here are the minutes. We now won’t count the 2 minutes from 620 because he passed that area.

9(split in half bcs of the fight)+18+18+11= 56 minutes

speed = distance/time = d/t

Speed = 1085 km/0.933 h

Doflamingo’s Speed = 1162 km/h (722 mph)

And there we go, he was flying at 1162 km/h.

Not breaking the sound barrier but it makes sense by what the anime showed.

One thing to note is this includes him saving Buffalo & Baby 5 at a point where Law made sure behind where they came from there are no clouds for Doflamingo to use. He loses about 4 minutes with Law blackmailing him and then he has to take a detour which takes him 11 minutes. We can’t know whether the Straw Hats talking at the Sunny was happening at the same time as Doflamingo landing at Punk Hazard, so we’ll give him those 11 minutes because there are no clouds.

That’s 15 minutes he loses, which makes it 41 minutes. Without Law interfering and the clouds not being there, he would have arrived at Punk Hazard within 41 minutes.

So let’s calculate that.

41 minutes= 0.683 hours

1085 km/0.683h

His full speed without being slowed down by his adopted nephew blackmailing him and kidnapping his scientist to destroy his entire business would then be:

Full Speed (without being slowed down) = 1588 km/h (987 mph)

That's 441 meters per second. That’s four soccer fields he crosses within a second.

Damn. And that’s his casual speed. Broke the sound barrier again.

He is faster than a plane, planes go 600-800 km/h. 

To put into perspective just how fast he is even at that speed, a car takes 10 hrs at the distance (From Berlin to Slovenia) of 1,090km. He literally crosses the length of entire Europe within 56 minutes based on anime time. And that’s him slowed down, according to anime time. The fastest flight from Berlin to Slovenia (1,091km distance) takes 3 hours by plane.

When he found Buffalo & Baby 5, they were away from Punk Hazard. This is important cus he got angry then. That means he SPED up.

So, now we have his descent speed to cover. You know, when he lands like a boss. Yeah, that.

Doflamingo’s Descent Speed

Okay, Doflamingo wears bright colours (white, pink, vermillion) the dominant colours are white and pink. From the front, you’d see about 40% of white and 60% of pink bcs of the way his coat hangs on his shoulders, it makes him look even bigger when he is big enough already like dear God, this man gave me heart attacks 90% of the time.

Why are his clothes important? Because of the sunlight reflecting off his clothes, therefore creating the reflection that causes the marines to see him as a spark, like a star in the daylight. The brighter the clothes, the more reflection which has a possibility of creating the spark in the sky (again, the sparks in the sky are caused by the object shining or you know, being ON FIRE bcs it’s falling down the atmosphere)

We’ll put his magnitude to +10. Humans can see the faintest star when its magnitude is +6. The more negative the magnitude, the brighter sth is. The Sun has the magnitude of -26. Magnitude isn’t important, though, except…

This means we can only see him coming when it’s too late. The anime showed this as a star gleam which I understand, to show just how FAST he is coming. They showed it in daylight, daylight has apparent magnitude of -26. This is a known thing, but when you see something like that, where there is that bright of a spark in the sky and next second it lands in front of you… its speed is 360,000 km/h. He is the only warlord you can see coming at you BECAUSE he wears bright clothes. Is that good or bad? Who knows. 

Doflamingo seems to first be flying at 20ish degrees downward toward the shore, but in the last moment (ten meter from the ground or less) he makes his approach a full horizontal one, because he whooshes past the marines in a full horizontal, linear direction and then does that epic landing.

For now we’ll focus on the descent speed, which includes his linear speed when he whooshes past the marines (in the anime when he whooshes past them he is not visible to them, he leaves blurs). 

I don’t want to fuck with curves. There’ll be tangents and there’s no need for them. I don’t think his strings even let him make a curved downward descent? He can do curves turns, but I don’t think he can do descents? It’s up for debate.

Okay, so let’s say Doflamingo is about 100 meters high in the sky. He reaches the ground within 0.05 seconds in the anime. Not even 1 full second, oh boy, fluffy man is FAST, GODDAMN. My eyes just bulged out of my head. Okay. Props to the anime team, that is a great show of his speed right there by making it last such a short time. 

Also, they never see him completely until he lands. We, the viewer see him, which means he is at maximum 4.8 km away (this is how far the human eye can see).

That means Doflamingo passes 4.8 km within 0.05 seconds.

I’m scared to calculate this, to be honest. This will be… this will be fast.

Let’s convert kilometers into meters to make our life easier. We get m/s and then we’ll convert them to km/h.

Buckle up. Keep a death grip on those feathers. Doflamingo hasn’t landed yet.

4.8 • 1000 = 4800 meters

descent speed = 4800 m/ 0.05 s

Descent speed (m/s)= 96 000 m/s (314 960 feet/s)

And into kilometers

Descent speed = 356,600 km/h (221 580 mph)

O.O

Holy fuck.

Yeah, crazy fast. You know, it makes sense now why G2 Luffy (who we’ll put moves at 2,400 km/h based on jet speed) was nothing in terms of speed. Damn.

Okay, so… this speed has not been achieved by any atmospheric or orbital aircraft, so I genuinely have nothing to compare it to. This is the velocity of objects in deep space like gravitational slingshots.

Okay, let’s put it into Machs. Fastest Mach we know of is Mach 30. Okay.

Formula is:

Mach number = speed of the object/speed of sound

Speed of sound is 343 m/s.

Mach number = 96 000/342

Mach number= 279.3 Mach

Doflamingo’s descent speed is Mach 279.3

No wonder he’s a blur. No wonder they only see him as a fckn spark in the sky. 

He didn't simply break the sound barrier here, he left the sound barrier at the bottom of the sea.

And he’s landed.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m getting off this 3 meter ride. Yep. Hopping down. It was fun. The coat is really soft.

Thank you for the ride, Doffy. Please go 50 km/h next time.

Taglist: @fanaticsnail

(Let me know if you want me to tag you in my posts and if you want to be tagged only for particular characters, let me know that, too. Thank you all for the love and support, it's really taken me off guard. You're all so wonderful. Love you all ❤️)

[soldierrcore]

Ghostbusters

𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐱 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐎𝐂!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫.

swearing, sexual innuendos.

Steve slammed Natasha against the wall. Vincent was leaning against the wall next to them, holding a pack of peanuts he got from the vending machine.

"Where is it?" Steve hissed, frustrated with the redhead.

"Safe." She replied.

"Do better!"

Natasha looked into his eyes, looking for an answer. "Where did you get it?"

Steve put more pressure on her arms. "Why would I tell you?"

"Fury gave it to you. Why?"

Damn! This is just like watching an episode of Real Housewives.

Steve got the idea that she had opened the file. "What's on it?"

"I don't know." She answered truthfully.

"Stop lying!" He gritted through his teeth.

Vincent could see the slight smile on her face. "I only act like I know everything, Rogers."

"I bet you knew Fury hired the pirates, didn't you?" Steve looked out the room's window to make sure nobody was about to come in, or nobody was watching them.

"Well, it makes sense. The ship was dirty. Fury needed a way in, so do you."

Steve lifted her a little by her jacket. "I'm not gonna ask you again."

"Steve, watch it now, will you!" Vincent spoke, lightning sparking at his fingertips again.

Natasha looked at Vincent, giving him a look that it was fine. "I know who killed Fury. Most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists. The ones who do call him the Winter Soldier. He's credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years."

"So he's a ghost story." Steve deadpanned.

Guess we got upgraded to ghostbusters...

"Five years ago, I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran. Somebody shot out my tires near Odessa. We lost control and went straight over a cliff, I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer, so he shot him straight through me." She pulled up her shirt to show him the scar on the side of her stomach.

"Soviet slug, no rifling. Bye-bye, bikinis."

"Goddamn," Vincent mumbled to himself turned out it wasn't quite enough because Natasha looked at him with a smirk and winked.

"Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now," Steve told her. Natasha slightly smiled.

"Going after him is a dead end. I know, I've tried."

Natasha held up the flash drive. "Like you said, he's a ghost story."

Steve took the flash drive from her. "Well, let's find out what the ghost wants."

Natasha nodded and looked at Vincent. "First, we need to stop at a store to get mr. pretty boy over here a shirt."

___

"First rule of going on the run is, don't run, walk," Natasha informed the two.

Steve looked down at his shoes. "If I run in these shoes, they're gonna fall off."

"Thank you, Nat for telling me. I thought it was to run and catch everybody's attention." Vincent sarcastically chuckled while trying not to trip on his untied shoelaces.

"Shut up." She hissed stepping on his left shoe.

Vincent hit her arm. "Natasha, we've been through this Do. Not. Step on my Nike Air Trainer III's."

"Don't step on my shoes." She mocked.

"Shut up." He huffed.

She smirked. "Make me." That made Vincent speechless till they made it to the Mac store.

"The drive has a Level Six homing program, so as soon as we boot up SHIELD will know exactly where we are." Natasha acquainted.

"How much time do we have?" Steve questioned.

"Uh...about nine minutes from..." She popped the flash drive into a MacBook Pro.

"Now."

"Fury was right about that ship, somebody's trying to hide something. This drive is protected by some sort of AI, it keeps rewriting itself to counter my commands."

Steve looked around the store looking for any Strike agents. "Can you override it?"

"The person who developed this is slightly smarter than me. Slightly."

"Fucking shit," Vincent whispered next to them.

Natasha and Steve both looked at him confused.

He shrugged. "I was so close to the high score on subway surfers." He pointed to the phone.

Natasha continued to try and find out what's on the flash drive. "I'm gonna try running a tracer. This is a program that SHIELD developed to track hostile malware, so if we can't read the file, maybe we can find out where it came from."

"Can I help you guys with anything?" An apple employee asked.

Natasha grabbed Steve's arm. "Oh, no. My fiancé was just helping me with some honeymoon destinations."

"Cool, where-"

"Umm Aaron, do you think you could help me with this?" Vincent asked pointing to a Mac book two down from Natasha and Steve.

"Sure." Aaron followed Vincent to the Mac.

"So I was thinking about buying this, now how would I set it up?"

"The first time your MacBook Air starts up, the Setup Assistant walks you through the simple steps needed to start using your new Mac. Choose a country or region to set the language and time zone for your Mac. You can respond to all the prompts, or skip some and choose "Set up later" when you see that option. For example, it might make sense to set up Apple Pay, which requires a verified credit card, and Screen Time, which you can set for different users, after initial setup. Read on for more information about setup tasks." Aaron explained to a 'trying not to fall asleep' Vincent.

"Thank you. Can I give you my card to pay for it?" He told the employee.

"Yes, you can." Aaron walked to the front of the store and swiped Vincent's card and went to the back and grabbed a bag with a Mac in it. He walked back over to Vincent handed him the bag.

Vincent shook his hand. "Thank you, sir."

"Anytime." Aaron nodded and walked away.

Vincent walked over to Natasha and Steve. "You said nine minutes, come on."

"Shh, relax. Got it."

Vincent scoffed. "Relax? You're telling me to relax are you serious."

The screen zooms in and the signal is coming from Wheaton, NJ. "You know it?" Natasha asked Steve.

"I used to. Let's go." Steve pulled the flash drive from the computer and they walked out of the store.

"Natasha, you own me fucking nine hundred seventy-nine dollars and eighty-six cents for keeping the employee busy."

"I didn't tell you to buy anything."

Vincent scoffed. "How else did expect me to distract him?"

"Standard tac-team. Two behind, to across, two coming straight at us. If they make us, I'll engage, you hit the south escalator to the metro." Steve told them as two agents are coming straight towards them.

"Shut up and put your arm around me, laugh at something I said," Natasha addressed confusing Steve

"What?"

"Do it!" Steve quickly put his arm around Natasha and laughed as Vincent looked down at his shoes making sure there were no smudges.

As they are going down the escalator Natasha spotted Rumlow on the escalator next to them going up, she turned to Vincent knowing if he saw Rumlow it would be it for them.

"Kiss me."

Vincent's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable. Take this Steve." She handed Steve her phone.

"Yeah, I guess they do." She quickly pulled Vincent's jacket collars down to her level so she could reach him, his hands landed on her hips, he felt her arch into his hold.

Rumlow rolled his eyes and looked away as he goes past them on the escalator.

Natasha pulled out of the kiss and started walking off the escalator with the two men following her. "You still uncomfortable?"

"Wishing the escalator was longer." He replied putting his hood on.

Steve handed Natasha her phone back. "I'm glad it's over, those things make me sick."

Vincent chuckled putting an arm around Steve. "Let's go grampa.

____

"So we have to steal a car?" Vincent asked his two superheroes/super-spy best friends...only friends except for Milo.

Natasha pushed a strand of her straight red hair out of her eyes. "Yes."

"And none of you know how to do that?" Vincent snorted.

Steve and Natasha rolled their eyes. "Yes, Vince."

"This is going to be fun I haven't done this sinc-." Vincent cut himself off as he remembered why he stopped.

"Since what?" Natasha questioned.

Vincent shook his head. "Nothing."

____

He watched as a woman parked her Chevrolet Silverado 1500 LTZ. After the woman walked inside the Mall and nobody was around the truck he hotwired the truck, as soon as the truck started Natasha opened the door to the front and climbed in and Steve climbed in the backseat.

"Where did Vincent Lanez learn how to steal a car?" Natasha questioned him.

"My older brother Timothee." Vincent smiled making a right turn. "And we're borrowing. Take your feet off the dash."

Natasha glared at him and took her feet off the dash.

"Timothee?" Steve asked, the whole time he knew Vincent he's never seen or heard about an older brother.

"Uhh, he died a year ago."

Steve frowned. "I-I didn't know, I-I'm sorry."

"It's fine Steve."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Natasha asked frowning.

Vincent sighed. "Because I can barely speak about."

Natasha nodded. "Alright, I have a question for you, oh, which you do not have to answer. I feel like if you don't answer it though, you're kind of answering it, you know?"

"Natasha."

"Was that a bad kiss?" She asked him, taking a drink of a water bottle Vincent had got her from a gas station earlier in the trip.

"No, it was a really good kiss. Why did you think it was a bad kiss?"

"I didn't say it was a bad kiss I asked if it was a bad kiss." She giggled defended herself.

They stopped at a red light and Vincent unbuckled his seat belt, he reached over the armrest console and kissed her.

"Was that a bad kiss?" He asked as he buckled his seatbelt back.

"N-No...No it wasn't." She stammered blushing.

___

Two hours into the trip Steve fell asleep and Natasha was dosing off and on.

"Why don't you go to sleep we have about thirty-two minutes left. I'll wake you when we get there." Vincent told her.

She nodded and grabbed Vincent's right hand that rested the armrest console and held his hand in hers.

Natasha soon fell asleep softly snoring. Vincent would occasionally glance down at the sleeping redhead he adored.

Vincent hopped out of the truck and woke up Steve.

"Son of a gun," Steve mumbled as he was shaken awake, he grabbed his shield and got out of the truck.

Vincent opened the passenger door and pushed a strang of Natasha's hair out of her face. "Natasha, wake up." He spoke softly.

Her eyes slowly opened and she sat up and looked around at their surroundings and shivered. "Vinnie, can I have your jacket?"

"Yeah." He took off his jacket and handed it to her, he helped her out of the truck.

"Thank you." She shivered, putting the jacket over her hoodie.

"This is it," Vincent spoke as he went to shake the gate but Natasha grabbed his arm.

Natasha put her phone in her back pocket. "The file came from these coordinates."

Steve looked at the sign on the gate that read Camp Lehigh. "So did I."

Vincent looked at him bewildered. "You were born here?"

Steve sighed while Natasha smiled.

Later that night as they walked around the base trying to pinpoint where the signal came from. "This camp is where I was trained."

"Now you tell us, after we've been here for forty minutes," Vincent murmured picking up a rock chucking it at a wall.

He and Natasha were walking on a platform while Steve was down on the ground.

Natasha held up her phone looking for a signal. "Changed much?"

"A little." Steve glanced at a camera on a pole.

"I think Steve is in la-la land." Vincent chuckled.

Natasha turned around and glanced at Steve. "Wonder what he's thinking."

"Come on Vinnie boo let's continue looking." She dragged him along with her.

____

Natasha and Vincent walked back to Steve. "This is a dead-end. Zero heat signature, zero waves, not even radio. Whoever wrote the file must have used a router to throw people off." She addressed putting her phone in her back pocket.

Vincent noticed a building ahead of them, he jumped over the railing of the platform walking towards the building.

"What is it?" Natasha questioned as she and Steve walked over to the building.

"Army regulations forbid storing ammunition within five hundred yards of the barracks. This building is in the wrong place." Vincent sighed.

"How do you know that?" Steve asked.

"Army kid."

Vincent stood back and Steve opened the lock with his shield and they entered inside, when they turned on the lights they noticed it's a SHIELD office.

"This is SHIELD." Natasha breathed out.

"Maybe where it started," Steve commented.

Vincent opened a door that entered into a room where they found old framed portraits of Howard Stark, Peggy, Col. Chester Phillips, and Vincent great great great grand father General. Thomas Lanez.

Natasha pointed to an unbalanced picture. "There's Stark's father."

Steve acknowledged. "Howard."

Natasha glanced at Steve. "Who's the girl?" Steve doesn't respond, he turned away and followed Vincent who didn't take interest in the pictures.

Vincent walked further down the room and stopped by a massive bookshelf and noticed a cobweb swaying.

"Fuck this is heavy." He mumbled as he pushed the bookshelf and it slid open to reveal an elevator behind it.

"Elevator?" Steve asked.

Natasha pulled out her phone and scanned the keypad.

She typed the password in and pushed the button it opened to Vincent's surprise the old thing worked.

Steve and Natasha walked into the elevator while Vincent gulped. "Y-You know what I-I'll stay here."

Natasha sighed and grabbed his arm. "Come on scaredy-cat."

They go down the elevator which took them to a room with old looking computers.

The elevator doors opened to a dark room, they walked out of the elevator the doors closed behind them.

Vincent gulped, he turned around and looked at the closed doors. "Oh hell no."

Natasha grabbed his hand to calm him down.

She took a glance around the room. "This can't be the data-point, this technology is ancient."

They walked to what looked like the main console. The lights flickered on. Natasha noticed a small flash drive port, she placed the flash drive in it which then activated the ancient computer.

"Initiate system?" The computer spoke.

Natasha typed using the keyboard. "Y-E-S spells yes. "

Natasha smiled and turned to Steve as the old computer started to cranks up. "Shall we play a game?" It's from a movie that...

"Yeah, I saw it." Suddenly they hear an accented voice speaking.

"Rogers, Steven. Born, 1918. Romanoff, Natalia Alianovna. Born, 1984. Lanez, Vincent. Born, 1990."

They see an old camera moving above them as it analyzed them.

Natasha looked at the camera puzzled. "It's some kind of a recording."

"I am not a recording, Fräulein. I may not be the man I was when the Captain took me, prisoner, in 1945, but I am." The computer screen shows an old photo of Dr. Arnim Zola.

Natasha turned towards Steve. "Do you know this thing?"

"Steve buddy, we need to talk about your friends." Vincent sighed.

Steve walked off the platform looking behind the computer. "Arnim Zola was a German scientist who worked for the Red Skull. He's been dead for years."

"First correction, I am Swiss. Second, look around you. I have never been more alive. In 1972 I received a terminal diagnosis. Science could not save my body, my mind, however, that was worth saving on two hundred thousand feet of data banks. You are standing in my brain."

Vincent scoffed. "You weren't very popular as a child where you?"

Steve walked back up where Natasha and Vincent were. "How did you get here?"

"Invited."

"It was Operation Paperclip after World War II. SHIELD recruited German scientists with strategic value." Natasha informed.

"They thought I could help their cause. I also helped my own."

Steve scoffed. "HYDRA died with the Red Skull."

"Cut off one head, two more shall take its place." Vincent could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Prove it." Steve challenged.

"Accessing archive." The computer screen shows them old footage of Johann Schmidt/Red Skull, of how the original SHIELD founders.

"HYDRA was founded on the belief that humanity could not be trusted with its own freedom. What we did not realize, was that if you try to take that freedom, they resist. The war taught us much."

"Holy shit," Vincent mumbled.

"Humanity needed to surrender its freedom willingly. After the war, SHIELD was founded and I was recruited. The new HYDRA grew. A beautiful parasite inside SHIELD. For seventy years HYDRA has been secretly feeding crisis, reaping war. And when history did not cooperate, history was changed."

Natasha walked closer to the screen. "That's impossible, SHIELD would have stopped you."

"Accidents will happen." The computer screen showed them HYDRA had killed Howard and Maria Stark making it look like a car accident along with the recent death of Fury.

"HYDRA created a world so chaotic that humanity is finally ready to sacrifice its freedom to gain its security. Once the purification process is complete, HYDRA's new world order will arise. We won, Captain. Your death amounts to the same as your Life; a zero-sum."

In anger, Steve smashed the computer screen.

"As I was saying..." Zola spoke.

"What's on this drive?" Natasha questioned getting frustrated at the computer...or person.

"Project Insight requires insight. So I wrote an algorithm."

Natasha walked closer to the computer screen. "What kind of algorithm? What does it do?"

"The answer to your question is fascinating. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it."

Natasha looked at Vincent in slight fear of what it meant by 'Too dead to hear it.' As much as she hated to admit but she was scared.

Suddenly the doors started to close, Steve tried to stop it by throwing his shield in between them but he's too late. He ran over to the door and tried to pry it open with his hands but it didn't work it was sealed shut.

"Vince, Steve, we got a bogey. Short-range ballistic. 30 seconds tops." Natasha addressed with worry laced in her voice.

"Who fired it?" Vincent inquired as he looked around the room for an entrance.

"S.H.I.E.L.D."

"I am afraid I have been stalling, Captain. Admit it, it's better this way. We're both of us...out of time." Zola told the three of them.

Vincent noticed a small opening on the ground, he threw the metal door aside and grabbed Natasha, Steve jumped in just as the place exploded and protected them with his shield.

Steve and Vincent managed to get out from under the building rubble just as STRIKE agents arrived to roam the area for them.

"Fuck." Vincent groaned picking a piece of glass out of his leg. He leaned down and picked up Natasha who was out cold.

"Come on we need to hurry," Steve spoke moving rock out of the way.

____

"She's going to be alright. Right?" Vincent asked Steve who was driving, Vince had sat in the back with Natasha who had her head resting on his lap asleep.

Steve looked in the rearview mirror. "She will be fine, Vince."

Natasha groaned as she regained consciousness. "What happened?" She asked her voice rasper then usual.

"A building fell on us," Steve uttered to her. He looked away from the road just for a split second to look back at the redhead.

"Sure feels like it." She groaned.

She looked down at her waist to see Vincent's left arm resting on her, Natasha noticed something off about it.

She and noticed when he would move his arm a little his body would tense. "What happened to your arm?"

"Nothing." He responded quickly which was a red flag for Natasha.

She reached down and touched his arm, again his body tensed. "I think your arm is broken."

"It's not, It's just sore you landed right on it." Vincent chuckled.

She looked up at him. "Sorry."

"It's fine, I still want you to pay me back."

"I'm not paying you back so get over it," Natasha rolled her eye.

Vincent gave her a playful glare before turning to Steve. "Aye, grampa where are we going?"

"To see a friend."

[the-kr8tor]

Hello, I've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty:)

(Requesting Reverse Isekai AU thingy please^^)

I don't even have a car 😭 (thank you for requesting muah 😘)

Pairing: Hobie Brown x fem! Reader/ Spider-Punk x fem! Reader

Word count: 1.1k

Tags: No use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, lovestruck reader, reverse isekai AU, fluff.

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

One minute you're mindlessly scrolling through your phone with your headphones blaring loud music, a minute later you're screaming bloody murder when a geometric glowing portal pops up in your room. It made everything in the room glow orange and yellow as confusion and surprise took over your form.

Are you getting abducted by aliens? Are you in an episode of Rick and Morty? If so, then multiverses are real, it's either that or the mold from your numerous stock water bottles has finally gotten to your brain.

A half second into your contemplation, out comes a man that you're oh so familiar with and oh so smitten with. His boots thump loudly on your floors, spikes glimmering under the red LED lights. The whites of his mask widen when he spots you cowering in the corner, darkness overtakes you when his oh so familiar voice echoes above the whir of the portal.

“This ain't 1346.” You fall off the bed like a damsel in distress.

—

You wake up to water gently splashing your face, flicking more like. And your head aching, eyes adjusting to the sudden light.

“Fuckin' finally, I thought you were dead.” A garbled voice utters as your ears try to waken up from your deep nap. “You alright there?” His voice clears and you still think you're dreaming when Hobie Brown's mask pops up in your vision, droopy eyeliner, spikes and all that jazz that you've practically memorized in your mind.

You thought your poster has once again fallen off the walls and onto your bed. But no, when you touched his bicep abruptly, eyes as wide as saucers, lips stuttering out his name. Your favourite character is real and right in your bedroom, flicking water from one of your numerous discarded water bottles on your bedside.

Even your wildest imagination couldn't make this up.

“You're Hobie Brown.” You say in disbelief, voice just above a whisper.

“Yeah, I figured you know me based on all of these…” he roams his eyes on your walls and table. “...posters and stickers. What am I over here? A rockstar or somethin’? Since you know my name.”

“You're Hobie motherfucking Brown!” You screech, suddenly jumping off the bed, looking like someone just told you Santa isn't real.

“That I am.” Said man has the audacity to smirk at you. And you swear you would have fainted again. “You a big fan?”

“I love you.” Your voice merely a murmur but he for sure heard it as the eyes of his mask widened for a brief second.

“I think it's time for us to chat, yeah, love?”

“L-love? Fucking…” voice wavering, you drop once again, but this time he catches you perfectly without the motion sickness from traveling to one dimension after another.

Hobie chuckles, eyes staring at your sleeping face, mouth still agape from the surprise and skin hot under his gloves. “Never thought someone could faint twice in one day.”

—

There's a glass of cold water in your hands, legs nervously bouncing under the blanket. He sits at the foot of your bed, giving you enough space so as to not make you uncomfortable in your own home, and to also not make you pass out (again) from the close proximity. His iconic boots are discarded, vest folded next to him, and mask in his pocket. You almost fainted again when he took it off.

“So, this Miles from earth–1610 is gonna get chased by Miguel and the entire society because he doesn't want his canon event to happen?” You nod as he recalls your story. Not a story anymore as this Hobie hasn't experienced it yet. Of course you didn't tell him the entire plot, just in case it rips a hole in the space time continuum. “And a few people are gonna need a watch?”

You sniffle, skin so warm that you think you're boiling the water in your hands.

“Hmm, that checks out. Good thing I started making these watches then eh, love?” His mischievous smile makes your stomach do flips, you're sure he's doing it intentionally.

Pinching yourself under the covers, chugging down the cool water, you muster up enough courage to actually speak coherent words.

“H-how’d you get here?”

“Fucked up my coordinates, I think. I'm pretty sure I'm not in Kansas anymore.” Hobie chuckles at his own joke before switching his attention to your wide eyed self. “Wizard of oz, you do have that here, right?”

“Y-yes,” you say meekly, drowning in his blue? Grey? Or brown eyes? You have no idea as his borders and colors change every minute or so. Nevertheless, you're absolutely done for. You guess this is what it feels like to meet your favourite celebrity, or in this case, favourite character. “Reverse isekai.” You whisper, nerding out at the possibilities.

“A what?” He says in his accent and you tamp down the feeling of wanting to say it back jokingly.

You clear your throat, “nothing.”

Nodding, he inhales, eyes darting around your fangirl room full of fandom merch and of course spiderverse merch. He zeroes in on the body pillow peeking under the blanket. You immediately lift the covers up to hide it, accidentally spilling water all over yourself and the bed. *Great, very smooth, you thought.

His eyes are soft and full of endearment whilst he watches you frantically and desperately dry yourself off.

You hope that he doesn't tease, but you know him, know his character, so you anticipate what happens next.

“What was that then?” He pats your foot, head tilting to look at you. You feel your head swirl again, and you swear the water spilled all over you evaporates from the sheer heat from your skin.

“N-nothing, Hobie.” You sink into the mattress.

“Right,” He unfolds his vest, putting it back on. “It's been great, but I gotta go.”

“Oh,” you blink, “do you want me to take out the posters? I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

He shakes his head with a smile. “Nah, not uncomfortable, I've been in worse dimensions. This ain't that bad really.”

“They're bootlegs if that makes it more okay.”

Hobie laughs and you practically melt from the sound.

“Bootleg, huh? That's a great name, project bootleg it is.” His smile blinds you for a second. You feel like you've ascended to heaven. “I have a tight schedule, being Spider-Man and all, but maybe I can visit again to get some insider knowledge of the future. Eh, Oracle?”

“S-sure,” you choke on the singular word. “It's a date— wait– no, I meant—”

Hobie chuckles, hands on his hips, bouncing on the balls of his boot clad feet, and border turning bright pink. For some reason, in all your clumsy and goofy self, you just made *the Spider-Man sheepish. Not just any Spider-Man, Hobie Brown, your absolute favourite out of all the thousands of Spider-people in the entire multiverse.

“It's a date then, no fainting next time yeah? I'll still catch you anyway, but it wouldn't be that fun if you're sleeping through it.”

“Okay.” You manage to say, heart loudly beating in your chest when his art style changes into love poems etched into his design.

He jumps inside the portal to hide the poems, winking at you before his body disappears into the void.

As the portal closes, you pass out once again, with a lopsided smile this time.