#golf shirts hawaiian

[susoriginals]

Vintage Green Floral Print Hawaiian Polo Golf Shirt by Ashworth Men's Medium Only $7

[roostersbby69]

Girl of my dreams

Warnings: None

Summary: Phoenix feels bad that Bradley has to spend his 30s by himself so she sets him up on a speed dating night at a local bar. Bradley was angry at first but maybe a certain girl who is also looking for love changes his mind.

“Hey, Rooster! The usual?” Penny asked him.

“You got it.” He winked and set his elbows on the bar top and waited for her to open the bottle for him.

“Hey, Natasha’s got something for you.” She said while she slid him the beer.

“For me?” He asked confused. “Last time she “had something for me” it was a dart to my ass.”

She nodded and patted the bar top before taking someone else’s order.

Bradley raised an eyebrow before grabbing the bottle and making his way towards his best friend.

“Hey! Bradley!” She patted him on the shoulder when he found her.

“Long time no see.” He smiled.

“Right on time!” She laughed.

“What?” He asked before taking his first sip of the beer.

She slid her hand from his shoulder and played with the pool stick in front of her, “Uh, look. Don’t get mad! But I kind of set you up on a speed dating night that starts in twenty minutes.” She smiled innocently.

Bradley stood there and stared at her with no expression, “You what?”

“Yeah,” She laughed, “look it’ll do you some good! Maybe you’ll find the one!” She shrugged.

“Natasha, I’m not going to a stupid speed dating night. I’m thirty six years old, i’m not in college.” He shook his head.

“Come on, Bradley! Look let’s make a deal, if I’m wrong, i’ll buy you a round next week. But if i’m right then you’ll marry the love of your life.” She stated simply.

“No, Natasha.”

“Bradley.”

“No.”

“Come on!”

“No.”

“Bradley, you need to get out there!”

“No!”

“Bradshaw, I paid $20 for this!”

“Okay, Fine!” He flailed his arms. “Happy?”

She squealed, “yes! Ok, so it’s at Club Ruz bar in fifteen minutes. You better hurry! And tell me how it goes!”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

Bradley walked out of the Hard Deck and made his way to the bronco before starting the engine and typing the address in his phone and speeding off.

The bar was a fancier bar than the Hard Deck. It was more of a jazz kind of bar, not really Bradley’s cup of tea.

He parked and saw a man greeting people inside with a clipboard, it seemed he was checking people’s names off as they entered.

He rolled his eyes and got out of the car before locking it and groaning as he walked towards the front.

“Hi there! I’m Mark!” The man said as Bradley got to the door, “are you here for tonight’s speed dating?”

Bradley took a deep breath,“unfortunately.” he sighed.

“Great! What’s your name?”

“Bradley Bradshaw.”

“Yep I see you! Come on in!” The guy stepped aside for Bradley to enter.

He saw many men in Ralph Lauren polos and khaki pants with loafers. He looked down at himself and saw his hawaiian shirt with jeans and boots. He looked back up and watched as they laughed about something probably about politics or golfing.

The guy that greeted him at the door walked inside and clapped his hands.

“Okay everyone! We’re going to get started so here’s what’s going to happen. Each one of the guys will get a sheet of paper with each of the ladies names on it and beside them there will be a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ check box. Check it off as you and the ladies chat. Let’s get started!”

A woman handed Bradley a sheet of paper as he scanned the names.

Rachel

Naomi

Emily

Katherine

Y/n

‘That was a pretty name.’ Bradley thought.

Susan

Millie

Natalie

“Okay, Boys! The ladies will be sat at their own table and you’ll get three minutes with each then when we say switch you’ll rotate to the next girl!”

Bradley walked to a nearby table and saw a pale woman with dark black hair. She reminded him of a witch.

He slowly sat down as other men took their seats.

“Hi, I’m Bradley.” He introduced himself.

“Naomi.” She twirled her hair.

Bradley noticed her long fingernails that got caught in some strands of hair as she twirled it around and around. He shuddered. He could smell that she smelt like, what was it? Cat piss?

No. He marked.

Bradley yawned as she went on about her cats and her beliefs on ghosts. His eyes scanned the room until they landed on a young woman, maybe early thirties, long hair, beautiful posture, pink glossed lips, and was dressed to his liking. It was like he hit the jackpot. It reminded him of that scene from 101 dalmatians when Pongo was trying to find the perfect dog and woman in the beginning of the movie.

He smiled to himself as he watched her cross her legs and swing her feet softly.

“Times up! Switch!” The man yelled. And Bradley couldn’t be happier, he didn’t even say goodbye to… what was her name again?

He bolted up and sat down with the next woman as he watched another man sit across from the girl.

“Hi! I’m Rachel!” The girl in front of him beamed.

“Bradley.” He shook her hand.

“You’ve got big arms, why are you wearing that floral shirt? I love your mustache.” She rambled.

“Mhm.” Bradley hummed as he marked another ‘No’ on the paper beside her name.

One more person until he got to talk to her.

“Where do you live?” Rachel asked as she leaned her face in front of Bradley as he was gazing at the mystery girl.

“Blue.” He said, zoned out.

“Huh?”

“Sorry, what did you ask?” Bradley looked at her.

“Switch!”

He got up and sat down quickly by the next girl and watched the girl as she smiled at the man who was sitting down across from her.

“Hi, i’m Bradley.” he introduced himself.

“Susan.” She pulled out her phone and opened it to reapply her lip gloss in the camera.

She wasn’t a talker, Bradley sat there doodling on the paper until the guy yelled for them to switch.

Bradley got up quickly and approached her as she was checking off a box on her sheet. She set her pink pen down and looked up at him as he pulled out the chair and sat down.

“Hi.” She smiled.

“Hey, I’m Bradley.” He stuck out his hand.

“I like that name, i’m Y/n.” She stuck hers out and shook his. Her hands were soft, and small.

She smelled like sweet vanilla and her teeth were perfect against her pink, glossy lips.

“So, what do you do for work?” She asked him.

“I’m a Naval Aviator.”

“Nice! Im a jet mechanic. Pretty boring when placed next to yours.” She laughed.

“That’s perfect.” He mumbled as he stared at her dreamily.

“I’m sorry?” She looked up at him.

“I mean, that’s just as perfect as my job.” He corrected himself.

“Are you stationed here?” She asked.

Man she was a looker.

“Yeah. For the time being. I’ve got a little house not too far from here.”

“That’s nice, I live in Miramar.” She nodded.

“Me too. Do you have any family there?” He asked.

“No, i’ve got a couple friends that I call family but my family lives in a different state.” She explained.

“We’re on the same page.” He put two check marks in her ‘Yes’ box.

“I like your shirt, Bradley.” She reached out and ran a finger along a flower.

“You know some women don’t like it.” He laughed.

“I’m not some women.” She raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Clearly.” He smiled.

“What’s your callsign?” She asked.

She’s perfect, “Rooster.”

“Rooster,” she repeated, “I’ve never heard that one before.”

“Got it after my Dad.”

“Your dad is an aviator too?”

“Was, but yeah.” He corrected her.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” She apologized.

“Don’t be, he was a hero.” He smiled at the memory of him.

“I like you, Bradley.” She smiled.

“I like you, Y/n.” He smiled back.

“How about I give you my number?” She grabbed her pink pen and scribbled on his sheet.

“I’d love that.” He watched her neat handwriting write her number down.

“Switch!”

“It was nice meeting you, Rooster.” She smiled and held her hand out.

“It was amazing meeting you too. I’ll talk to you later.” He gazed at her and tripped over the leg of the table as he walked to the next girl.

“Hey, man, move it.” The next guy sat down in the seat as Y/n giggled at Bradley’s lovesick face.

He sat down at the next girl and sighed dreamily.

He was definitely texting her tonight.

He didn’t even pay attention to the next girl as he whipped his phone out.

Bradley: You were right.

Phoenix: I TOLD YOU SO!

Bradley: Want to be my best man?

_____________________________________

Yay!!!!

Outfit: (Made by me)

[roosterforme]

A Love You Don't Find Everyday Part 11 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley has a surprise of his own. And while you're already not feeling well, he hates to bring home some bad news for you.

Warnings: Smut, fluff, angst, and swearing

Length: 4400 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

Check out my masterlist for more!

When you heard Bradley pull the Bronco back into the driveway, it was well past noon, and you had finally managed to get up and get dressed for the day. The trip to Maryland had you exhausted, both mentally and physically. You felt like you could sleep for the rest of the day as you rubbed your eyes behind your glasses.

Tramp ran for the front door when he heard Bradley coming inside. "I'm glad you're back, Roo. He needs to go out for a walk," you called from the kitchen where you were making yourself some fresh coffee. "Do you want some coffee?"

He came in wearing jeans and a tank with his Hawaiian shirt draped over one shoulder. And he had a hesitant grin on his face.

"Why are you wearing that?" you asked as you stirred cream into your coffee. "I thought you went golfing. Jake even texted me and told me you were doing an abysmal job, and that you lost six balls on the fifteenth fairway."

"Last time I ask Jake for a favor," Bradley muttered under his breath. He pulled the Hawaiian shirt away from his body, and you saw that his right bicep had plastic wrap around it, taped in place against his skin.

Your lips parted but no sound came out. You instinctively knew he had a tattoo on his arm that wasn't there this morning when you were in bed together, but you couldn't turn those thoughts into words. He took a step closer to you, and you met his eyes.

"What did you do?" you asked softly as your heart pounded. 

Bradley held his arm out and flexed his bicep against the plastic wrap for you. You were looking at a brand new tattoo alright. On the inside of his bicep. A paper airplane nearly the size of your hand, with Baby Girl written across it in a pretty script.

Where your tattoo was a dainty, private ode to the love of your life, his was bigger, bolder, and out in the open for everyone to see. 

"I hope you like it, Baby Girl, because it's not going anywhere."

"You didn't have to do that," you whispered, but you knew you were smiling now as you ran your fingers across the plastic.

Bradley pulled you against him so suddenly you squeaked. 

"Never thought I'd fall in love. Never thought I'd settle down. Never thought I'd be with someone who makes everything better. I never thought I'd love someone or something enough to get it tattooed on myself, but here we are, Sweetheart."

You kissed him softly and whispered, "You must really love me. That's a big tattoo."

"I'm going to love you forever. And I want everyone to see it," he said, guiding you back against the island. When you opened your mouth to say something, he put his finger over your lips and shook his head. "Not your tattoo though. That one's just for me, right?" 

His voice was so deep and raspy, and his finger was still on your lips. You had to squeeze your thighs together, you were so turned on. Of course he noticed right away and wedged his thigh in between your legs as he started to devour your lips. 

You rocked your body against his leg and whimpered as Bradley started to undo his belt, but you pulled it through the loops and dropped it to the floor. Then you added his tank to the pile just before he dropped to the floor on his knees in front of you. 

"This one is just for me to see," he told you as he eased your sweatpants down. You weren't even wearing any underwear which made him grin up at you before he kissed you all over your tattoo. Just as you were getting used to his mustache against your hip, he moved his mouth to start licking your pussy, and you let your fingers drag through his hair before gabbing on. 

"You're really wet, Baby Girl," he remarked, licking it all up. 

"You got a tattoo for me! Of course I'm wet!"

He muttered, "Now you know how I felt yesterday," before getting you off with his mouth. 

While you were still enjoying the waves of your orgasm, Bradley was helping you step out of your sweatpants, and next thing you knew, he had you sitting on the very edge of the island. And he was fucking you with his jeans and underwear down around his knees with his shoes still on.

"That's so fucking hot," you mumbled when you looked at his arm. He slammed into you hard, and it felt like you were going to topple off the edge of the counter. "Bradley!" you screamed, wrapping your legs around him and digging your manicured nails into his back. 

He moaned so loudly next to your ear as he fucked you harder. "I got you, Baby Girl."

You were still so sensitive from your orgasm that everything he was doing felt overwhelming. You dragged your fingernails down lower on his back, and he groaned your name with his face tipped toward the ceiling. But he was fucking you so hard and pulling you toward the edge of the counter at the same time. 

"Bradley!" you screamed again, this time with a laugh. 

"I told you I got you, Baby Girl." He did have a vice-like grip on your body with his left arm, but you still dug your nails in again as he railed you until you were screaming. 

Bradley pulled himself out of your grasp, and you felt your nails dig along his back again as he was suddenly tipping you back against the island and pulled your shirt up. 

"Just for me," he groaned as he stroked himself three times and came all over your tattoo. You watched his cum coat the skin along your belly, hip and pussy, covering nearly all of the ink. 

As his cum dripped onto your thigh and the countertop, Bradley leaned down and reached for your face. "I love you. So much," he promised, kissing along your lips and cheeks as he stroked your jaw. "I was ready to tattoo myself with your name as soon as we met. I don't want you to think there's any other reason I got this today than the fact that I love you so much I want everyone to see it. Okay?"

"Okay, Roo," you told him as he rubbed your cheek with his nose. "You've never given me any reason to doubt you."

---------------------------

Bradley cleaned you up and carried you back to bed, because you told him you were still tired. But when he set you down in bed, you reached out and unwrapped his tattoo. 

"I just want to touch it for real," you whispered with a grin, tracing the black outline of the paper airplane and then tracing the letters with your index finger. "I really like it. It looks like it belongs on you."

Bradley kissed you and tucked you in before taking Tramp out for a walk. They walked for five miles along the beach, and he texted Nat and Jake a photo of his tattoo. 

Natasha Phoenix Trace: That looks permanent. Hope she never decides to leave your ass. 

Jake Hangman Seresin: You owe me a drink, because I covered for you in the most believable way. 

Bradley just sighed and tucked his phone away. Only forty eight more days until he was going to marry you. He wondered if you called Mav today or not. You were still so tired from being away, he figured you hadn't. After a moment of hesitation, Bradley decided to call Maverick on behalf of both of you.

"Bradley. What's up, kid?" he asked after one ring.

"Mav. I have a favor to ask of you. Actually, we have a favor to ask."

"What do you need?"

"What are you doing the day after Thanksgiving?" Bradley asked with a smile as Tramp pulled him up to the water's edge.

"Your bride-to-be invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner. Not doing anything the day after that I know of."

"Can you keep a secret?" Bradley asked, and his smile grew. 

Mav paused for a beat. "This sounds a little suspicious."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes, Bradley. I can keep a secret." He was starting to sound exasperated, and Bradley was trying not to laugh. 

"It's apparently very easy to get ordained online. Feel like officiating my wedding?"

A longer pause. "Are you serious? Of course I will."

"Thanks, Mav. I appreciate this. I'll get you more details. But it's top secret for now."

When Bradley was finally heading back to the house, he was kind of sweaty, and his shirt was clinging uncomfortably to his back. He was hoping you were awake so he could tell you that he got something checked off of the wedding to-do list. And he was hungry and craving something homemade for dinner. He'd been eating cereal and oatmeal all week. 

But you were still sound asleep, so he crept quietly into the master bathroom and peeled his shirt off. He checked in the mirror to see why his back was stinging from the sweat.

"Oh, shit." You had really dug your nails into his back earlier, and there were a few long marks that you had made going up and down his back. Your pretty manicure was actually lethal. He decided to just skip a shirt while he went in search of some food. 

Pancakes. He could make you both some pancakes. But before he started on that task, he realized it was after 6:30 and you were still sleeping, so he went to check on you again. As he let his fingers trail across your face, he realized you felt warm. A palm to the forehead told him you had a fever. Your neck felt a little clammy when he touched you, and now he was pretty worried. 

"Sweetheart," he whispered, repeating himself until you started to stir.

"What?" you groaned, rolling fully onto your back and looking up at him. 

"Can you sit up? I want to take your temperature."

You just nodded and sat up with your eyes closed, and you let him take your temperature when he returned with the thermometer. 

You looked exhausted, and you let Bradley rub your back while you waited. His tee shirt that you were wearing was all sweaty, and now you were practically falling asleep again. 

"Almost 102. That's a pretty high fever," he told you, and you just nodded in agreement. Now Bradley felt kind of bad for working you over so hard in the kitchen earlier. You must have picked up some sort of bug while you were away. "You need to take the day off tomorrow. Let me get you some water and Tylenol."

You just kept going along with everything he said, which was so unlike you. When he offered to make you pancakes, you told him you weren't hungry. When he offered to make you tea, you agreed to have a mug along with a few crackers. 

"You need to text Bickel," he told you as he climbed in bed next to you. "Tell him you won't be in tomorrow."

"Can you do it for me?" you asked, your voice so small as you nibbled on a cracker. "My head hurts."

He kissed your ear and reached across you to get your phone from the nightstand. After he texted your boss, he got up and plugged your phone in. 

"I'm going to tell your parents you're not feeling well, and that they can contact me if they need something, okay?"

"Okay," you muttered, coughing a few times. Bradley was a little concerned that you might have the flu, but all you would tell him is that you were tired. 

When you had finished your tea and crackers, Bradley watched you stand and steady yourself before you went into the bathroom. He got you a new shirt to change into, but you even needed his help with that. He stripped you down completely and stroked your tattoo once, and then he pulled the clean shirt over your head. 

"Thanks," you mumbled. "Can you take Tramp out?"

"Baby Girl. I'm going to take care of everything. Get back in bed and relax."

He kissed your cheek as you burrowed into the blankets. Then he refilled your water, took Tramp out, made himself some pancakes, and cleaned the kitchen. When he came back to the bedroom, you were curled up reading on your phone. 

"Bickel told me not to worry about anything," you told Bradley.

"See? I'll take care of everything here, and he can take care of all your stuff at work." Bradley took off his jeans and made sure his tattoo was covered before he got in bed. 

When he snuggled up next to your side, you tried to squirm away. "I'm all sweaty and disgusting, Roo. Don't touch me. You're supposed to think I'm adorable if I'm going to be your wife."

"You are adorable," he informed you with a laugh. "But I think that's literally the opposite of how marriage is supposed to work, Baby Girl."

"I don't want to get you sick," you complained halfheartedly, now snuggling up against him. 

"We already had sex a few times since you got back. I had my tongue down your throat. I think it's a little too late to be worried about me. Let's get some sleep."

"Love you, Roo," you mumbled, already half asleep on his shoulder. 

---------------------

You woke up briefly as the sun was peeking in through your bedroom curtains. You were freezing cold. You tried to sit up, but your head was pounding. 

"Sweetheart, stay in bed. I'll bring you water and tylenol and some dry cereal."

"Okay, Roo," you managed to whisper, because now your throat was sore too. 

Bradley delivered everything to your nightstand and then took your temperature. "Try to sleep. If you're not feeling better by this afternoon, we'll call your doctor."

You just nodded at him, and he kissed your forehead. "I'll be back as soon as I can get Mav to dismiss me."

You reached for Bradley's hand. "I forgot to call Mav yesterday!"

"Shh, just relax, Baby Girl. I called him," Bradley said with a grin. "We have our super secret wedding officiant."

You managed to smile up at him as you sank back into the pillows. "Thanks, Roo."

"Sleep. I love you."

So you dozed off and on for most of the day, only getting up to use the bathroom and get more to drink. You texted Bradley and told him you were fine, and that he shouldn't rush home. And then you picked Tramp up and took him back to bed with you.

------------------------

It was not a good day. First of all, you really did a number on Bradley's back with your nails in the kitchen, and his skin was irritated. Second, there was no way Mav was going to dismiss him early today, because Bradley had a flight simulation scheduled for the afternoon, unbeknownst to him. And third, now Mav was looking at him like he was ready to apologize for something.

"What's wrong? Just tell me," Bradley grumbled before he headed for his simulation. 

"Sorry, kid. I got deployment papers for you." 

"Fuck!" Bradley took the envelope and tore into it. "When?"

"I'm not sure of the exact dates. But it's next month," Maverick told him gently. "If I could change the dates or send someone else, you know I would, Bradley."

Bradley would never, ever forgive himself if he couldn't marry you next month. He'd quit the navy. Get a civilian job. Anything. Anything except miss out on marrying you in forty seven days. His hands were shaking as he read over the information. 

He needed to be in South Korea on November 5th. The special mission should last one to two weeks, depending on the weather requirements. 

He looked up at Maverick. "Don't make any plans for that day I told you about. I'll be back in time, even if I have to fucking swim home."

Maverick nodded. "I actually believe you, that's the crazy part. I won't make any plans. And I'm already filling out the form to get ordained."

"Thanks," Bradley said, shaking his hand before he went for his simulation. 

------------------------

Not only would he not be getting home early, but Bradley had to text you and let you know he would be home late. He promised to bring you some soup, and he told you to rest until he got there. 

"What's got you all pissed off?" Nat asked as they headed toward the locker rooms. Bradley reeked of jet fuel from earlier this morning, and he wanted to be able to climb in bed with you as soon as he got home. 

"Got papers," he growled. "Next month."

"So did Bagman," Nat replied. 

"Damn. I was hoping it would be me and you again," Bradley said, giving Nat a high five before she ducked into the ladies' room. 

"Looks like it's me and you, Bagman. Deployment together," Bradley said when he started getting undressed at his locker. 

Jake looked over at him as he stripped off his flight suit. "Who's going to look after Angel?"

Bradley had been so concerned about potentially missing his secret wedding, he hadn't even thought what it would mean to be deployed the same time as Jake.

"Shit," Bradley said, knowing full well that Jake would always have your back when he couldn't. "She'll have Nat and the guys. I'll talk to Bob and Fanboy tomorrow."

"Hey, Coyote! Payback!" Jake called, and both men poked their heads around from the next row of lockers.

"What's up?" Payback asked as he dried off from his shower. 

Bradley kept undressing, as he spoke, anxious to get home to you. "Can you two keep an eye on the love of my life while Jake and I are gone next month?"

"Aww, Tramp needs a sitter?" Payback asked, earning a glare from Bradley. "Yeah, man, of course we'll look out for your girl."

"No problem," Coyote added.

But Jake was suddenly cracking up. "What happened to your back, Rooster? Looks like your Hen scratched you up good!"

Bradley paused; he had forgotten about his back. And now Payback and Coyote were coming closer to look as well.

"Shit! What were you trying to do to her?" Payback asked while he wiggled his eyebrows. 

Coyote was just looking at him with wide eyes. 

Bradley wrapped his towel around his waist and headed for the showers while the guys catcalled. 

"At least I have a girl to maul my back apart, okay?" he said, giving them the finger. 

"Damn, I hate it when he's right," Jake replied. 

"Nice tattoo, by the way," Payback called after Bradley. "Ohhhh. He got a tattoo for her. That's what happened to his back."

Bradley listened to them all erupt into more laughter, and he couldn't help but smile himself. 

-----------------------

You were sitting up in bed reading when Bradley got home. He came running into the bedroom with his hands full of stuff.

"Are you okay?" he asked, feeling your forehead and kissing your hair before you could even answer. 

"I'm fine," you said, coughing a little bit. "I took my temperature, and it came down some." 

"Are you hungry?" he asked, running his thumb along your cheek and making you smile. 

"A little bit. You brought soup?" you asked, climbing out of bed. But Bradley scooped you up into his arms before your feet touched the floor. 

"I got four kinds of soup from that deli you like. Plus a salad in case that sounded better." He carried you gently into the dining room and got you settled in a chair. He opened all of the soup containers and brought out some spoons. You selected the chicken noodle soup, and almost instantly it started making you feel better. 

"Thanks, Roo."

Bradley ran around and got you water, orange juice and hot tea. He took Tramp out for a quick walk while you took a hot shower, and he was back in time to help you get dressed in clean sweats. 

"I'm hoping I can just sleep all day again tomorrow while you're at work," you told him as he helped you get the knots out of your hair. 

"I'm not going to work tomorrow," he informed you, kissing the back of your neck and making you shiver. "I'm staying home to make sure you get better." 

"Thanks," you whispered, but he was turning you around in his arms to face him, and he didn't look happy. "What?"

He sighed. "I got papers today. Special mission."

You gasped and reached for him. "When?" you asked, flinging your arms around his neck. You felt like you were going to cry. It was mid-October. His papers must be for November if it was a special mission.

"November 5th," he whispered, and you burst into tears. 

"I'm so sorry, Bradley. If I got my shit together sooner, we could be getting married this month. Now we'll have to wait longer," you sobbed against his neck.

"Shh, it's okay, Sweetheart." He was rubbing soft circles against your back. "It's just for two weeks, tops. I really should be back in time."

You wiped your eyes and looked up at him. "You think so?"

"Baby Girl, I will hijack my own aircraft and fly it home to you if I need to."

You laughed through your tears, and he held you against him. "Okay. Let's keep planning then and hope for the best."

"The only thing I want you to do at the moment is rest and feel better. I'll take care of everything else."

Bradley snuggled with you in bed, running his fingers underneath your sweatshirt and soothing your skin. "You don't feel clammy anymore," he remarked. You just shook your head and told him to keep touching your skin. You could see his tattoo peeking out of his sleeve, and it made you smile so much.

He told you about his day, and you could feel yourself melting against him as he continued to work his fingers along your back.

Pretty soon you were falling asleep in his arms while Tramp had a puppy dream in his doggy bed. 

-------------------------

Bradley woke up early and had to peel you away from his body so he could get out of bed. It felt like your fever had broken overnight, but it was obvious you were exhausted and needed as much sleep as possible.  

He made coffee and started to finalize the honeymoon options. He had it narrowed down to two different resorts already, but now he had to determine which one was perfect for you. The one with the butler or the one with the private deck. 

Bradley decided to be selfish for a moment. You didn't really need a butler, since he was willing to wait on you hand and foot. But a private deck with a pool and a hot tub? You could sunbathe naked. You could swim naked. You could have sex with him on the deck under the stars with the Pacific Ocean as your soundtrack. 

As soon as he pulled his credit card out of his wallet, he was booking it. He couldn't wait. 

Next he started narrowing down caterers and florists based on what you and he had planned. There was no need for a huge menu or a ton of flowers. He found one caterer online that promised they could make any cake flavor, so he emailed them and asked if their confetti cake with strawberries was any good. Then he found a florist that had yellow and red roses as one of their gallery photos. 

He really had no idea if he was doing any of this research the way you would have, but he was too excited to stop now. 

"Roo?" 

He turned to face you and smiled. You looked so much better. "You're up."

"Yeah, it's almost noon," you said, rubbing your eyes. "I feel a lot better now." You kissed him, and he was shocked he had been working on this for four hours. 

Bradley let you sit on his lap with some reheated soup, and he showed you everything he found. Except for the honeymoon. Not yet.

"Oh! Those flowers are beautiful!" you gushed. "And I don't care what we feed everyone for dinner, as long as I have my confetti cake."

Bradley rolled his eyes; you were sassing him, so you were definitely feeling a lot better. 

"I found a caterer who will make a confetti cake. They also have miniature bottles of pink champagne on their bar menu."

You gasped. "We need to book them! Is it too late?" 

Bradley just sighed and kissed your shoulder. "I'll call them now and find out."

-------------------------

You were still feeling kind of tired, and your throat hurt a bit, but today had been so good, you didn't mind too much. 

Bradley sweet talked the caterer of your dreams into doing your wedding as long as you bumped dinner up to 5 o'clock. He also managed to get you a chance to sample their confetti cake next Wednesday night. Then he got the florist to agree to your modest bouquets and rose petals. He even reassured you he had booked the honeymoon. 

"You're the groom of my dreams," you whispered as you ran your fingers along his tattoo. "Also, you need to keep this wrapped for a few more days."

"I'll wrap it again after I take a shower," he replied, tipping you back along the couch and climbing on top of you. You had the perfect view of his handsome face, bare naked torso and his tattoo. 

"I'm always going to take care of you," he promised, kissing your cheek. "Now rest for the afternoon." He pushed himself off of the couch, covered you with a blanket, and started to leave the living room. 

"Yes, Daddy," you muttered, making him pause and turn to face you again. 

He smirked. "Daddy wants you feeling better by the weekend, Baby Girl. We've got new tattoos to show off on video."

You just groaned and rolled over onto your side, praying you were better by the weekend.  

-------------------------

Daddy Roo and his new tattoo. That's the real name of this chapter.

PART 12

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@swthxrry

@chassy21

@yaboid19

@solacestyles

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@hecate-steps-on-me

@xoxabs88xox

[fanfictilltheend]

As promised (since I'm late sorry 😭) Snippet 5 of ❤️‍🔥Violent Heart❤️‍🔥 aka stepdad!mechanic!convict!joel x afab!reader fic

I SWEAR I WROTE THIS BEFORE HE WORE THIS OUTFIT ON GOD I LITERALLY SPOKE IT INTO EXISTENCE YOU CAN THANK ME BELOW 👇

Warnings: Nothing crazy just joel admiration and dressing him up 😍

Context: Joel is Y/N's ex step-father. He just got out of prison for killing David and Y/N (age 20) takes Joel shopping for a new wardrobe.

HERE IS A LINK TO A MASTERLIST OF VIolent Heart STUFF TO TIDE YOU OVER

You take Joel shopping. At his insistence it is nothing fancy, just the local department store. That doesn’t stop you from dressing Joel up in ridiculous outfits of your choosing. You make him try on a hawaiian shirt, some golf polos like your dad liked to wear, a pinstripe suit and he lets you because saying no to you has never been in his vocabulary. He acts grumpy on the outside, but you can tell he is amused. You know in the end you’ll just end up buying every flannel shirt and jeans combo they have in the store, but it’s just fun anyway. You watch the fabric hug his torso, his tummy, the slight bulge at his waist. At one point he comes out shirtless and you try very hard not to swoon as you stare at the hair lining his chest and his adorable little tummy that you for some reason have the urge to bite. The band of his Hanes boxers sticks up past his jeans and he looks so good. He even lets out a genuine smile. The middle-aged sales attendant who is helping you even takes a good look at him which makes the butterflies inside you swarm possessively. 

Finally you make him try on a proper white-collared button-down shirt and black dress pants with matching black shoes and he looks so good you’re actually at a loss for words when he asks you what you think. They hug the curves and lines and planes of his body so nicely. All you can do is ask him to put on a black tie to match and he does at your behest following some customary griping that he would never wear such a monkey suit in the first place. The effect that a fully dressed up Joel has on you is not one to be reckoned with. He might as well be wearing the mens version of lingerie for how it makes you throb and ache between your legs. He looks like a force of nature, commanding and tall. It makes you weak. All you say is,

“Looking good, old-timer.”

He snorts.

HERE IS A LINK TO A MASTERLIST OF VIolent Heart STUFF TO TIDE YOU OVER

[demigod-jack-hearth]

If you get this, answer w/ three random facts about yourself and send it the last five blogs in your notifs. Anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog <3

I'm gender fluid

I play golf competitively

I wear a lot of Hawaiian shirts

[r0binxx11]

Attack On Titan boys head-canons! <3

<modern>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. What artists/music they would listen to

Eren Jaegar: Eren without a doubt would listen to Destroy Lonely and that genre in general.

Armin Arlert: Armin would listen to softer music like MacDemarco. He would mostly listen to chill, cool and soothing music. I could also see him really liking love music.

Jean Kirschtein: Jean would listen to Kendrick Lamar and hip hop in general. He knows all the words to most of his songs as well.

Connie Springer: Connie I feel like would mostly listen to female rappers. His favorite artists would be Megan the Stallion or SZA. I feel like he would have a big crush on SZA for sure.

Levi Ackerman: Levi would be more into classical music or music that had a classical element to it. He wouldn’t really have a favorite composer either he would just listen to any song.

Erwin Smith: Erwin wouldn’t listen to music often but when he did he would for sure be into 70s-90s music. He would be like Levi in the way he wouldn’t have a favorite artist.

Reiner Braun: Reiner listens to a lot of motivation up beat music so i envision him liking rock and his favorite artist being Metallica because he’s basic. However, when he’s not working out, you can catch him listening to Beach House or Lana Del Ray. He often hid his liking of them to others.

Bertholdt Hoover: Bertholdt would listen to very indie music in my opinion. I cna see him being very into The Buttertones. He liked the feeling the songs gave him.

Zeke Jaegar: For some reason, I can’t imagine Zeke listening to music >< If he had to though it would be Sublime or anything like that.

Porco Galliard: Porco would definitely be into 80s-90s rock but he would also very much enjoy artists like Post Malone.

Colt Grice: Colt would listen to Mac Miller and Hers. He liked listening to music to vibe to. He loves to play both artists full blast.

2. What style of clothing they would wear

Eren Jaeger: Eren would most definitely be wearing cargo pants with straps and buckles on them. He would most likely also be wearing expensive sneakers such as brands like Nike or Steve Madden. He would probably wear oversized shirts along with regular silver chains and necklaces.

Armin Arlert: Armin would rock the soft boy aesthetic in my opinion. His wardrobe would be filled with different colored sweaters. Occasionally underneath the sweaters he’d have a button up shirt. He would also wear a lot of cardigans of multiple colors. As for his pants, they would be either corduroy pants or khaki pants. For shorts he would wear golf shorts/khaki shorts. As for his shoes, they would be vans low top or converse low top.

Jean Kirschtein: Jean would without a doubt dress like a basic white male in my opinion. He would always wear the branded clothing. I imagine him wearing a green nike hoodie a lot with either sweatpants or shorts. He would be like Eren in the aspect where he would wear the more expensive sneakers.

Connie Springer: Connie would wear tank tops or regular tshirts on a daily basis. I also see him wearing flannels a lot either tied around his waist or on him. I could also see him wearing Hawaiian shirts. As for pants, he’s got regular blue jeans or sweatpants. He occasionally wears beanies too. As for his shoes, Connie would wear timberlands or regular sneakers.

Levi Ackerman: Levi would wear regular long sleeve shirts that were either gray, black and navy blue. He would wear regular black pants usually with a black and silver belt. As for shoes he doesn’t really care at all. Since Levi is a germaphobe, he has house shoes and outside shoes. His house shoes were slippers haha and his outside shoes were regular sneakers. He likes to dress comfy and clean. I also think when it’s time to be formal, he’s very formal.

Erwin Smith: Erwin would definitely dress with a more formal style. He would wear button up shirts mostly white and dress pants usually black. Erwin would also wear brown dress shoes that were never dirty. He’d wear a golden watch at all times as well. Always well dressed definitely.

Reiner Braun: Reiner without a doubt is a gym rat. He’s constantly working out. I see him mostly wearing tank tops or regular t-shirt’s. When it gets colder out I think he would wear long sleeve muscle shirts too. Reiner mostly wears sweatpants too. I feel like he also wears a lot of oversized sweatshirts. As for shoes, I think he just has simple Nike or Adidas shoes that are just to his comfort.

Bertholdt Hoover: Bertholdt would definitely be wearing fandom t-shirts I think. He would wear regular basketball shorts or sweatpants. He would have on socks and sandals most of the time as well. Since he’s so tall he of course owns many oversized shirts and sweatshirts too!

Zeke Jaegar: Zeke would regularly wear simple khaki pants that were mostly a tan color. His torso fashion would range from tank tops to t-shirts to sweaters. I feel he would wear rings and bracelets as well. Zeke would either wear dress shoes or regular sneakers. He would really wear anything.

Porco Galliard: Porco’s wardrobe would consist of a lot of plain t-shirts and tank tops. He would always have a jacket on him too. I think he would wear regular cargo pants. As for his shoes, he would have on timberlands on or doc martens. I also see him wearing a watch or unique bracelets.

Colt Grice: Colt would have a ton of oversized shirts that were pastel colors. He would also like to wear shorts a lot which were pastel as well. He wears sandals or nikes pros as well. I see him having a couple of necklaces and bracelets but nothing too fancy.

3. How they would confess to you

Eren Jaeger: Eren would lowkey just outright say it casually. It would just be you two alone doing anything from walking around or cuddling, playing video games etc., and he would just outright say 'I love you' or something like that. On the outside he wouldn't seem nervous but on the inside he would be anxious that you wouldn't feel the same.

Armin Arlert: Armin would be so anxious to confess to you. He would be worried that he wasn’t good enough for you and he was very nervous of your response. He would plan out how he was going to confess to you and go over it again and again. He would definitely confess to you at a planned time in a romantic spot. Armin might even bring flowers or something like that.

Jean Kirschtein: Jean would act casual about it even though he clearly would be nervous. He would tell you exactly how he feels with all of his heart. He would do it verbally in a place where it would just be you two only.

Connie Springer: Connie thinks he’s already charming enough to pull anyone but not too cocky. When it comes to somebody he genuinely likes, his confession would be him being really scared and outright saying it. He would do it near the end of a hangout or possibly out of no where.

Levi Ackerman: Levi has lost so many people that he’s scared to loose you. He would often try to hide his emotions for you in his head and try to make them disappear. When he couldn’t make them disappear he would end up deciding to confess. He expected you to say no but when you said yes he couldn’t help but feel happiness. He would do it verbally and in a space that was quiet and comfortable.

Erwin Smith: Erwin would always give subtle hints that he liked you. He would confess to you in a formal manner. He had the perfect words to confess and he was so romantic with it. He would do it on a beautiful night or sunset. He’s a very romantic with it.

Reiner Braun: Reiner would be sort of uncoordinated with his confession. He would be all over the place with his blushing and lack of eye contact. He was scared of rejection and it took a lot of nerve for him to confess to you. He would do it in a random place as well.

Zeke Jaeger: Zeke has heavily hinted all of the time that he liked you. He would confess in a serious way and wanted an answer if you liked him back or not. He manifested the answer to be yes. He would confess and then immediately ask you on a date.

Bertholdt Hoover: Bertholdt, like Reiner, would be very nervous with a lot of blushing. He would maintain eye contact however he would end up stuttering a lot and then spitting it out. He would confess to you whilst you two were walking around or hanging out at one’s house.

Porco Galliard: Porco would try to act tough on the outside but would ultimately end up blushing. He would plan to confess at the end of a hangout when he would drop you off at your house. He’s always had a little bit of Tsundere in him and it was surprising that he confessed first.

Colt Grice: Colt would be extremely nervous and would want to do it over text. He would text you his confession and the next time you two were to hangout he would bring you flowers. He would be very nervous but it was a cute nervous.

4. How they would react if somebody hurt you (emotionally/verbally)

Eren Jaeger: Eren would most likely give the person the dirtiest most intimidating look ever. He would quickly remove you from the situation and stare them down as you two walked away. Later he would contact them and tell them off.

Armin Arlert: Armin would try to avoid any conflict with the other person and comfort you as much as possible. Armin would let you vent to let it out if you needed to. Like I said he would try to avoid conflict unless you wanted him to talk to the person.

Jean Kirschtein: Jean immediately take your side. He would step in front of you and tell of the person. Afterwards he would down grade the person who hurt you comparing both of you and how you were so much better.

Connie Springer: Connie would definitely start to go off on the person but then catch himself and try avoid the situation by leaving. He would try to change the subject and try to get you stuff to make you feel better.

Levi Ackerman: Levi would without a doubt make a couple threats. He would raise his voice a little bit as well. He would be angry that somebody would hurt you and quickly tell of the person. You being hurt would bother him the rest of the day and he just wanted you to be safe and happy.

Erwin Smith: Erwin would try to sort out the situation. After he tried he would help comfort you and let you cry on him if needed. Erwin would do whatever you asked to make you feel better.

Reiner Braun: Reiner would get extremely angry almost into a fight. Thoughts of you being hurt pissed him off so much. He would tell you that if anybody tried to hurt you again to tell him and he’ll take care of all of it.

Zeke Jaeger: Zeke would do the same as Levi kinda did. He would just give the person a intimidating scary stare but instead of raising his voice he would talk very calmly. Afterwards he would ask if you were okay and offer to do more about the situation.

Bertholdt Hoover: Bertholdt would be very upset that you got hurt and felt badly because he didn’t really know what to do. He would let you vent and let it out and offer to make you food or take you somewhere and just trying to do the bare minimum.

Porco Galliard: Porco would be pissed. He would make you go somewhere else while he went off on the person. He didn’t want anybody hurting you so he would make himself clear with the person by yelling in their face. Later he would still be pissed and would keep asking you if you wanted him to do anything more about it.

Colt Grice: Colt would try to handle the situation calmly and once he caught himself feeling more aggressive, he would exit the situation. He would calm down later and help you feel better by doing anything you asked.

5. Where they would take you on the first date

Eren Jaeger: Eren would want a more private date i feel like. He would want it to be a movie night at one of your houses. He would definitely buy the snacks and choose the movie. He would be very direct and put his arm around you but also respect boundaries.

Armin Arlert: Armin would have a picnic date. He would choose a peaceful quiet spot on a nice day. He would bring your favorite flavor cake along with your favorite fruits. He would hold your hand a lot and constantly admire your beauty.

Jean Kirschtein: Jean would take you out on a dinner date. He would choose a more fancy place but not too fancy. Afterwards he would walk around the city or town with you and just talk and bring you home making sure you’re safe.

Connie Spinger: Connie would take you out on a carnival date. Connie likes all rides except the zero gravity rides and it’s super embarrassing for him. He’d win you a plushie and buy you cotton candy/corn dogs or whatever you would want. Near the end he would offer to go on the ferris wheel for a very romantic ride to see the sunset.

Levi Ackerman: Levi would be very picky with where he would take you and would end up just asking you what you would wanna do. Wherever you would decide to go he would be fine with it. He would occasionally try to put his arm around you or hold your hand as well.

Erwin Smith: Erwin, like Jean, would take you on a romantic dinner date. He would take you to a very fine restaurant and make sure to get the best seat. He would also get the finest food and make sure everything went how you wanted it to go. No doubt, he would get you flowers and make sure they were your favs. He would ALWAYS make sure you get home safe.

Reiner Braun: Reiner is a very active person. Deep down he would wanna go on a gym date but he would come to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be a good idea and settle for just a bowling night. Afterwards he would drive you home and made sure you made it inside.

Zeke Jaeger: Zeke would want to make you happy so he would take you on a shopping date. He’d take you to your favorite mall or place to shop and let you pick out things you wanted. He would help hold your bags and also hold your hand.

Bertholdt Hoover: Bertholdt would have a videogame date. When you would get to his house he would have a nice room set up with tons of pillows and blankets in front of a TV with two controllers. He would also get snacks and drinks for you. During the date you two would lightly cuddle while playing fighting games, racing games etc. At the end of the date he would ask to see you again and would watch you walk to your car/away.

Porco Galliard: Porco is more of a morning person so I could see him taking you out on a brunch date. He would take you to a cafe and pay for everything not even giving you the chance to offer. Afterwards, he would take you on a walk around town and look at very beautiful nature sights. He would hold your hand and try to act chill and cool but on the inside he was super flustered and in love.

Colt Grice: Colt would take you on a movie theatre date. He would make sure to get the best seats in the back and get a large popcorn for you two to share. Colt would wanna see a horror/thriller movie and get scared when there were jump scares. He was very embarrassed by it but you thought it was funny.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading <3

I’ll be making one of these but for the girls sometime soon !!

//Let me know if I should do another one of the boys !! ^_^\\

[thedurvin]

Just watched “Cherry 2000” and LOVED it, a post-apocalyptic schlock adventure that admits it’s a ridiculous genre but with no obnoxious comic relief characters or even any Whedonesque snark, just a weird weird world that they all have to do their best with. A yuppie in the ruling class of a crumbling post-apocalyptic city accidentally kills his sex-bot and hires a tracker to help him find the Robot Graveyard in the wastelands to get a replacement but then the tracker is a fiery attractive lady and you can guess the rest, BUT the aesthetic is amazing—very Terry Gilliam-ish except the female characters get personalities and the ending makes sense.

In town he goes to a singles club but all hookups are marketed through your sex demo reels and your lawyers negotiate the terms of your hookup. (The sex lawyer is an early role by Lawrence Fishburne, FYI)

The warlord of the wastelands is a golf-loving Jack LaLanne type based out of an old motel and all his minions wear Hawaiian shirts and zinc oxide on their noses. All the ominous wasteland graffiti are his inspirational sayings, usually “be yourself and wear sunscreen”, and his wife is this bimbo housewife that happily makes sandwiches for the death mission and then once he dies gleefully takes his place as lord of the wastes

Really forms the bridge between the worlds of, say, Robocop and Demolition Man on the one hand and Mad Max and Tank Girl on the other. This is what’s happening on the West Coast while Judge Dredd is on the East. Escape From New York and/or LA could be in the same setting.

[cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien]

Solar Opposites: The Beast Within Trailer

The trailer starts with a legend about the Mundanes as the Wearspreada ancestors wait for a new generation.

Wearspreada: Let’s hope our ancestors doesn’t let the most powerful deadly Mundane spirit out of their sight one day.

The Wearspreada puts the deadly powerful Mundane into a box. Then it shifts to years later. Korvo and Terry are having sex

Terry: I love you Korvy… *shifts to Hulu Presents* More than anything…

Korvo: I know you do…

Cue the 20th Century Fox Logo while “Believer” from Imagine Dragons play. Human Korvo walks into the laboratory while his coworkers greet him.

Marty: Hey Korey, what’s up?!

Human Korvo: Morning, Marty!

Then it shows Korvo kissing Lili on the forehead, then him reading a book with the ladies and then handing the kids their lunch boxes before they leave for school.

Yumyulack, Jesse and Sonya: Bye Korvo!

Korvo: Bye, kids!

Korvo: *voiceover* I love my life!

Then it cuts to Human Korvo and Human Terry kissing while Human Korvo was making lunch.

Human Korvo: What’s with the Hawaiian shirt?

Human Terry: Because the Solar Opposites… *shows tickets* are going to Hawaii!

Human Korvo: Oh my God!

Kids, Janiz and Kimber: Yay!

Cut to Human Korvo and Human Terry making out in their hotel room. Then, it shows the family looking around the hotel. Then, it cuts to Human Yumyulack doing golf, but accidentally hit an old guy.

Old Man: Ow! You damn kids!

Human Yumyulack: Sorry.

Old Man: *speaking Hawaiin chanting*

Human Korvo: *annoyed* What are you doing?

Old Man: Putting a curse on you.

Human Janiz: Uh…

Human Korvo: I got this. *kicks old man in groin* Con!

Human Terry: Wow. That was hot.

Human Korvo: Thanks. *kisses Human Terry on the lips*

Then, it cuts to a helicopter ride.

Human Jesse: WHOO!

Pilot: You know back in my day I used… to… *falls asleep*

Human Kimber: Oh shit!

The Solar Opposites starts screaming. Then, it cuts to a ruined helicopter while it shows the Solars getting out of it.

Human Terry: Well that was fucking brutal and… *sees a dangerous looking shack*

Human Yumyulack: Whoa. What is that shack?

Human Janiz: I don’t trust that place.

Human Korvo enters the shack as he approaches a familiar looking hooded woman. *Sisto*

Human Korvo: Um, hello there.

Human Janiz: *whispering* Korvo, what are you doing?!

Trading Woman: How about we make a trade?

Human Korvo: What trade?

Trading Woman: This amulet for your Super Shlorpian form

Human Korvo: What?!

The woman traded the Super Shlorpian lifesource with a the powerful Mundane sorority lifesource

Human Terry: KORVY!

Human Korvo: Hey! That’s my spirit! Give it back!

Trading Woman: Too late! It is now mine! Enjoy your new lifesource!

Then the scenes cut to the Solars’ friends doing phone calls, police searching and locking loaded on the hooded lady, who reveals herself to be… Sisto?

Sister Sisto: *sing-songy* I’m baaaack!

Human Yumyulack: GHOST!

Nova: No…

Then the scene cuts to Korvo throwing stuff as he suddenly develops cyan streaks around his arms and suddenly grows bigger and muscular as he screams and develops monster fangs.

Terry: Korvo?!

Korvo cries out as he turns into a Mundane.

Mundane Korvo: *roars*

Scenes then to Mundane Korvo attacking while his family gasp and watch in horror.

Human Jesse: Holy shit!

Phoebe MacCarthy: This. Isn’t. Good.

Human Terry: *bursting in tears* KORVY! STOP!

Cut to Terry and Mundane Korvo kissing. Then it cuts Korvo in his new gothic look. Then right after that it shows showing aggressive behavior throughout the town, especially when it shows him accidentally punching a waitress

Kevin: What’s happening your husband man?!

Terry: I don’t know. Something’s not right.

Then it shows Terry reading about Shlorp’s monster and then gasp as he sees a Mundane that looks like him.

Kimber: Those Mundanes are quite dangerous… and suicidal too. Because, it can happen when they’re trying to hard.

Terry gasp. Then, it cuts to him visiting a temple

Terry: *voicover* You mean Korvo will be lost forever if we don’t get his Super Shlorpian spirit back?!

Janiz: Yes.

A heartbeat is heard as Terry gets on his knees and starts breathing in and out

Terry: NO!

Then it shows scenes which includes Stacy G winking at Jesse, Mundane Korvo roaring as tears burst from his eyes, Nova on the floor looking up in shock, Human Korvo and Human Terry dancing, Janiz touching Korvo’s face as he shed tears, Sister Sisto laughing evilly and the gang gasping in shock. Terry’s skin turns black as he becomes bigger and muscular. Then it cuts to Mundane Korvo with a voiceover of him crying out for Terry.

Mundane Korvo: TERRY! WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?! PLEASE HELP ME!

Mundane Terry bursts through a wall

Mundane Terry: ROAR!

Human Yumyulack: Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Cue the title

“Solar Opposites: The Beast Within”

It then cuts to Mundane Terry snarling as he approaches a crying Mundane Korvo.

Mundane Korvo: *crying* Terry… please help me…

Mundane Terry stops snarling

Mundane Terry: *purring*

Mundane Korvo laughs. Then, Mundane Terry pounces lovingly on Mundane Korvo, while they started having sex offscreen as the kids watch in disgust.

Human Jesse: Guys? Guys?

Human Yumyulack: Oh God! I’m gonna hurl!

Mundane Terry: *offscreen* Oh! Oh fuck yes!

Human Yumyulack hurls

Sonya: Yumyulack! That’s disgusting.

Human Jesse: Aw Yummybear! Gross!

Human Janiz: Why? Just why?

Korvo moans loudly

Human Yumyulack: I’m sorry! I can’t help it- *barfs*

It then shows Mundane Korvo and Mundane Terry having sex.

Mundane Korvo: Oh yes baby fuck me harder!

Mundane Terry kisses Mundane Korvo roughly

[prince-of-elsinore]

Dear M*A*S*H: S1 Ep 01 “Pilot”

I want to talk about M*A*S*H. The 50-year-old show that, completely unexpectedly, has captured my heart and mind. I finished the series just over one week ago and had to force myself not to immediately begin a rewatch. Now that I’ve had a bit of time to process, though, I’m eager to dive and dig back in, to pick apart what makes this show tick and what made it resonate with me. I want to take my time this go-around (though I expect that will be difficult) and document my thoughts on episodes and characters as the show morphs and grows. I don’t know if I’ll make posts for every episode (that’s a lot) or how long I can keep this up tbh, and I make no promises as to the eloquence or deepness of all my reactions (sometimes you just wanna stare at Mike Farrell’s fuzzy chest amirite). But this show left my brain buzzing with how much there is to talk about and, well, it’s my blog, so here goes.

Korea, 1950: a hundred years ago

What a line to open on. When the show first aired in 1972, it was only 22 years ago. But maybe for audiences jaded by 7 years of direct American entanglement in Vietnam, the first war with moving images broadcast directly into living rooms across the nation, swiftly drawing to an embarrassing and disastrous conclusion, this other war did seem like a hundred years ago. That other, “lesser” war sandwiched between the heroically fought Second World War and the unprecedentedly divisive living nightmare of Vietnam. The supertitle is a simultaneous reminder to the audience of a conflict not often discussed around dinner tables, despite its relative recency (almost as recent to them then as the Iraq War is to us now), and an acknowledgment of how very, very distant it feels. What fascinates me most is how it positions the story we’re about to see as a fable of sorts from a distant time and place, presaging--somewhat paradoxically--the show’s perpetual relevance. This is Korea. It is also every war.

Then, the rest of the cold open. Visual storytelling at its finest! In a brief series of images we glean not only a sense of who our major players are at their cores, but also the notion that at the 4077, not all is as it seems. Two men in Hawaiian shirts playing golf: a familiar sight, until--kaboom, the ball lands in a minefield. A surgeon and nurse work over an unseen patient--oh, no, it’s a bottle of champagne. A man and woman in uniform studiously read a Bible and medical manual--while playing footsie under the table. So, Hawkeye and Trapper are the happy-go-lucky types who don’t see being in a war zone as any reason not to get their kicks where they can; Henry may appear official on the outside (though as we’ll soon see, rarely even that) but really he’s concerned with having a good time with a nurse (it strikes me this could also be an appropriate establishing situation for our two leads, but it’s even more fitting for Henry who is consistently negligent in his duties as Commanding Officer for the sake of sensual indulgence); and Margaret and Frank put on a hypocritical show of military and Christian officiousness while succumbing to their baser desires like anyone else.

Perhaps the implied injunction to look beneath the surface is nothing more than a promise to audiences of what kind of comedy the show will deliver. Perhaps it’s a commentary on the absurdity of life in wartime and under military jurisdiction (people will be people, no matter how many rule books you throw at them). I doubt the show intended this at the time, but I also see an early indication of the ethos that will come to permeate the series: that the truth--and often, our shared humanity--is found in looking closer, not making snap judgments based on superficial features. In any case, this much is clear: your expectations will be subverted. What is familiar becomes foreign, what’s foreign is familiar. It’s a topsy-turvy world. That’s the oldest root of comedy; it’s also war.

“Par is a live patient”

We get Hawkeye’s first “Dear Dad” over our first O.R. scene, conveniently filling us in on the what and why of the 4077 and meatball surgery. It’s also a thesis statement of sorts. They’re there to save lives, not for glory or to be pretty or precious about their work. Life: the number one concern of a doctor, and the number one thing that war takes away. In some ways, a doctor in a war zone is a paradox. This will be Hawkeye’s struggle straight through to the end of the series. He’s more needed here than he could be at any General Practice or stateside hospital, but what the hell is he doing here? He keeps fixing bodies--just enough to keep them clinging to life--only for the war and the army he works for to keep breaking them.

Back at the Swamp, Hawkeye voices a sentiment we’ll often hear repeated over the 11 seasons to come: invite the North and South to a cocktail party. Last one standing wins the war. Here, it’s a throwaway joke, but as we’ll come to see, the tragedy of Hawkeye Pierce is that he simply cannot grasp, cannot accept, how human beings, given the chance to just talk to one another, cannot come to an understanding, or at least an agreement, and settle their differences without resorting to killing.

All right, on to Lieutenant Dish. The scheme to auction off a nurse, even for the good cause of sending Ho-Jon to college in the States, is cringe-inducing today, as is the awkward montage of Hawkeye’s dogged pursuit of the lieutenant. The show’s misogyny, especially in its early seasons, is by far the hardest aspect for me to stomach. If, however, you take what is shown at face-value, as intended, there’s no harm, no foul here. The Dish-Hawkeye dynamic walks a thin line. Yes, she rejects him over and over and he ignores her over and over. Yet, even as she claims to be saving herself for her fiance, Dish seems indulgent towards Hawkeye, and later at the party even flirtatious. So, she enjoys the attention. Convenient and typical of an attractive woman written by and for men. At the same time, it doesn’t take any stretch of imagination to see that flirtation and sex are some of the only outlets available to the women of the camp, and that they could enjoy it just as much as the men.

I do want to know what the hell the plan was with the raffle of the weekend passes. Father Mulcahy winning is simply too convenient. (Incidentally, I feel robbed of seeing William Christopher react to his name being drawn. I’m looking forward to more familiar faces rounding out the supporting cast.)

The party scene also provides the stark juxtaposition of revelry and Hawkeye dancing cheek-to-cheek with his conquest with the sobering reality of their purpose, the raison d’être of the whole camp. To his credit, Hawkeye looks appropriately grave as he informs Margaret that they’ll be operating on a fresh batch of wounded within hours. While the 4077 dances and drinks, Canadian troops are fighting and dying not far off. Not only is this the linchpin of the episode, the get-out-of-jail-free card for Hawkeye and Trapper after all their shenanigans behind Henry’s back, but also a stamp of credibility for so much of the show. How on earth can these clowns get away these schemes, in the army, of all places? Because they are indispensable. Not only are they surgeons, they are the best at what they do. And once again the hypocrisy of army rules and regulations reveals itself; if everything were done by the book, to the letter, the army would cease to function. It would regulate and court martial itself into obsolescence. (Though, as is pointed out more than once in later episodes, would that really be a bad thing?)

Okay, some more thoughts, now as bullet points so I can wrap this up:

I’m watching without the laugh track, and boy is its absence obvious here in a way it never is later on. The pacing is off, much of the comedy wooden. Still, I prefer this subdued, awkward version of the show to the one with the incongruous canned audience. I think watching it this way allowed me to see so much more.

We get a “Come on, Mary” from Hawkeye to Trapper in the first six minutes! And they facetiously, effeminately point their noses in the air in unison as they walk away from Frank. They’re so in sync straight from the start and I love to see it.

I’m so glad the show left these awkward montages and flashbacks (Hawkeye with Dish, Margaret with General Hammond) behind.

Margaret’s limp hair and awful bangs make me sad.

I forgot The Still (tm) is not with us from the start! I assume they build it after Frank breaks their rudimentary barrel gin mill.

Oh, the bucket hat. Odd that it stays with us in the opening credits for the entire series run, when it feels so odd to see Hawkeye wearing it.

Radar is a surprisingly smooth operator here, even devious. He’s no dummy but it’s odd seeing him like this before he became more the wide-eyed innocent kid.

What is the true origin of “Hot Lips”?? Hawkeye calls her that seemingly off the cuff, and her reaction makes it seem like it’s a new nickname. Then Hammond shows up and calls her the same thing. Is this simply a case of Impossible Coincidence Played for Comedy?

I don’t think I got it the first time around that Margaret recognizes the gauze-covered Frank by his butt when she goes to give him the injection. One of the better jokes of the episode imo.

I listened to the Mashcast podcast for the episode and they were puzzled by the use of Japanese covers of popular songs. I assume that this was because Japan was so firmly established as a base of US military operations, a place every G.I. would pass through on their way to Korea, and where they would hope to go for R&R. I assume (but have not done research to confirm) that radio stations they might get would play Japanese tunes like this. The Japanese cover of “Happy Days,” for instance, seems like a nostalgic choice for US servicemen of the era.

Biggest laugh for me: Such a simple moment, but when Hawkeye and Trapper come into Henry’s office and shake hands with a “How are you, Henry?” and he responds, a little wary and knowing, a little sad-sack, “That’s not what you guys came to ask. I mean, the last thing you wanna know when you ask ‘how are you’ is how am I.” God, I really love Henry.

Parting thoughts: In retrospect, the pilot does a better job than I would’ve suspected in setting up not only the characters but also the lasting themes of the show, even while striking a tone a world away from what the show would become. Not a particularly good or funny episode, but it’s rewarding to rewatch and see the pebble drop into the pool, sending out the rings that will reverberate far into the future.

[zabala0z]

Drew the rest of the popular kids!! I took some creative liberties if you can tell. I keep forgetting the musical was made in the 2010’s and every time I look at the costumes from it, I try not to die. I tried to combine both the tr production and broadway version just for fun.

I gave Jake his Hawaiian shirt but underneath his weird jock jacket. He can dress however he wants. He’s rich. Also he’s holding a frisbee from his little frisbee-golf club.

I gave Jenna a similar jacket to Chloe’s just to show how much she’s a follower and wants to be popular. Mood. Also cute boots. Cause I hate drawing sneakers

Chloe…I did not know what to do so I gave her a crop top and a skirt. I was almost going to give her that headband from the two river production but I decided against it. But I gave her sunglasses!

I found nothing wrong with Brooke and I love her so much. I gave her curled hair to. I love her stupid long cardigan it’s so fun

[thewolfwarriors]

Florida!HTTYD Book AU

(specifically Florida Panhandle! AU) 

Like Hiccup, I too grew up around an archipelago of islands full of venomous and dangerous reptiles! (Had a couple of close calls too!) I went kayaking, boating, hiking, fishing, you name it! Unfortunately, growing up in Florida meant I had to deal with Floridians. So, again, like Hiccup, I ran into lots of...characters.

This idea started off from me making a joke to my brother about how Madguts would be a Trump supporter and drive a Ford ages ago. Then it all went downhill from there. (Honestly, I could write a whole post on Florida!Madguts alone.) Someone in the reblogs of one of my posts also wished for it. This one goes to y’all.

Incoming cursed-as-hell long-ish post:

Main Characters:

Hiccup - from a military family, can't go in the military because he can't pass any of the boot camps, works with his friend Fishlegs, obsessed with Marine Biology, scored 6s on the FCAT every year,

Fishlegs - Works at Publix, Wafflehouse, Coram's, Whataburger, etc., almost dies regularly from horse and yellow fly bites,

Stoick - giant, fat beach dad vibes, retired vet, always wears a big polo or Ron Jon Surf Shack Shirts with polarized sunglasses on, boomer Facebook profile, Corona beers, Margaritaville, drives a pontoon called the Fat Penguin, sold his old sail boat the Peregrine Falcon to Humungous Hotshot,

Baggybum - Marines, never takes off his raybans, goes hunting constantly, camo jackets, guns guns guns, Bass Pro Shop

(Basically, Stoick loves saltwater and Baggy loves freshwater)

Snotlout - Military brat, sports scholarships, ROTC, loves the beach, riding four-wheelers and going mudding, 

Bertha - school bus driver, ROLL TIDE, "You might be a redneck if...", Basically just Nanny-Maw, “plaid shirts with the sleeves ripped off” lesbian vibes, Blue Ribbon or Busch beer I can’t decide

Camicazi - loves the mud, always doing dangerous stunts on whatever motorized equipment she can get her hands on, constantly catching frogs/possums/snakes and brings them inside

Others:

Madguts - definitely wears a MAGA hat, drives a Full-Size Heavy-Duty 2022 Super Duty F-450 King Ranch® Pickup (tailgates EVERYONE), spits tobacco, hot boxes his trailer on a regular basis, runs a crime ring in the boondocks(drugs, dog fights, or simply selling stolen goods), divorced 4 times, Rob Zombie, meth, breeds Pitbulls,

Gumboil - also spits tobacco, Malboros, always rides shotgun with Madguts in his Full-Size Heavy-Duty 2022 Super Duty F-450 King Ranch® Pickup, Alabama Crimson Tide merch, has like 14 trucks he swears he's gonna sell and turn around in his yard, always speaks in inappropriate countryisms

Needless to say, but they're both huge gun enthusiasts and drink Bud.

Thuggory - listens to Butt Rock and Pop Country, Y'all Means All, camo and plaid long sleeves, well fitted Levi's, does everything with his Dad

Humungous Hotshot - Lives on the Peregrine Falcon, “#saltlife”, hooked on fishing, Hooters, sandles with socks underneath, Hawaiian shirts, GOLF, Panama Jack,

Tantrum - not even from Florida, prefers to be in the Keys, comes up to the Panhandle with Humungous so he can see his friends, "#beachbabe", This Video, Ed Hardy

Gobber the Belch - Thunderbeach, drives Harley’s, drives to Alabama to buy illegal fireworks, scary Wafflehouse chef, also Snotlout and Hiccup’s football coach/history teacher

[ocandrew1]

MY FAVORITES

AMAZON MUSIC PLAYLISTS CREATION

BRONZE AGE BATMAN COMICS

COOKING WITH INSTANT POT

DENNIS O'NEIL-NEAL ADAMS COLLABORATIONS

EARTH WIND & FIRE

FARMER'S MARKETS & LOCAL BAKERIES

GARDNER FOX DC COMIC STORIES

HAWAIIAN SHIRTS

IMAGE COMICS RADIANT BLACK SERIES

JOHN WILLIAMS' MUSICAL SCORES

KNIFE COMBAT SECRET TECHNIQUES PRACTICE 

LEARNING KOREAN & SPANISH LANGUAGES

MUSICAL ANTHOLOGY OF JONI MITCHELL

NINE IRON GOLF CLUB

OVERSIZED T-SHIRTS & SWEATS

PANFRIED STEAKS & BURGER PATTIES

QUICK DRYING LIGHTWEIGHT HIKING PANTS

ROCK COD FISHING

SIXTIES & SEVENTIES FOLK MUSIC

THURSNIGHT MEN'S GROUP MEETINGS

UPF 50+ UV PROTECTION HATS & SHIRTS

VELVET UNDERGROUND

WHITE PANTS

(XL) EXCEL ADVANCED LEARNING 

YOGA STRETCHING & MEDITATION

ZARA

[hyenadon]

having some honey fuck feelios about how I love my best friend and they are the best person on the planet. lemme write down some of these feelings

when I first came out to myself as transing my gender I was looking for a new last name and I texted her and was like "hey. any ideas for a new last name" and like within SECONDS they responded w "shockley".........shockley's the last name of my dnd character.

Also olivia helped me create this character and just. His name is Dune Shockley. Everything about him is perfect and that name/that character fits me so well. He's an incredibly smart idiot. He's an archeologist. He's a wizard. His weapon is "garden trowel" but the kind that has a bit of a knife on the side. He os best described by the outfit he wears, which is: calf-high socks, sandals, cargo shorts, fanny pack, hawaiian print robe over a long sleeve flannel shirt over a vest. golf visor. He is perfect. He is stupid. He is married to my other dnd character, who is a sexy, beefy, genderfluid paladin who's weapon is a fucking GLAIVE. I love these characters so much god lemme play dnd

Olivia got me into kpop and thats just a constant source of joy for me

Not only did she get me into black sails she. GOD this one does it for me. she really let me wait it out and just. have that experience on my own time. if I had known That One Spoiler the experience would have been so different but she did NOT spoil me. She was sittin on that shit for YEARS. This was truly one of the most pussycuntslay things anyone has ever done for me

talks about dragons w me. i love dragons. I love to talk about dragons. I love dragon books. Most media can be improved by dragons. Thank you, dragons.

reccommended dragon book to me. I fuckin love these dragon books.

dr who enjoyer. LETS GET SOME NINE REP IN HEREEEEE

overall unpretentious and unafraid of liking "bad" or "camp" things. Like both of us enjoy some media that is, objectively, not like.....good. But it's fun.

only person i know in the world that remembers the existence of TSP. there are probably other people. but damn. tsp. also. pianos

funny as fuck

lotsa other shit.

idk sometimes its just good to talk to myself abt how like. I don't really have many(any) close friends irl and that does blow sometimes. but it's like....fuck it man. i got me one really excellent friend. That's better than anything

[nancydrewwouldnever]

Dear fucking god the pic with the sunglasses and the…I don’t even know, it’s not a Hawaiian shirt, whatever that awful thing is. I really hate flip flops in general, but flip flops with baggy full length pants, in my opinion, should be punishable by death. I know in my soul that even after 15+ years with a stylist, he probably hasn’t absorbed anything. Thinking about those awful white socks at that golf event this year…the horrors we’d be subjected to if he was still dressing himself all the time

LOL, so that is a bts Opposite Sex pic from 2000. I'm assuming the shirt is a bad ripoff Versace (from back in the old days of Versace doing overall print men's shirts), but those sandals take the cake.

[mfmilligan]

In the Midst #2

I don’t know why in the two and a half months I’ve been here, I haven’t thought to find a radio or anything that plays music. All this time, I’ve been living in unbearable silence and hating it so much. It just makes me so paranoid about going anywhere or being alone. Leaves too much room for my mind to imagine things that would make me more scared. If I had something that could play music, news, or literally anything, things would be a little better.

     I’ve also been thinking I ought to explore more. Like really explore. As is evident by the partial list I gave last time, a lot of this town remains a mystery to me. Mostly because I just walk the streets. Knowing no one is around doesn’t make the buildings any less ominous. Instead, it makes the houses feel like they could be sentient. It’s as if now that no one’s around, the houses have woken up and are watching everything – watching me.

     Anyway, I don’t like going inside. But once I have something to break the silence and save my sanity, I should. There could be useful things in the houses, schools, and offices. If nothing else, there might be clues as to what this world is. Its history, its people.

     If there were people. There would have to be people, right? Why else would all this be here? You can’t have architecture without someone to build it.

     Spent all day and nearly gave up, but I have music!

     First, I looked around the mall. I’d been through every store before, but I just wanted to double-check. When I didn’t find anything, I moved onto the downtown area. It has more restaurants and clothing boutiques, but I figured it was worth a shot. Then I was at the edge of Daisy Hill, checking every little place I could.

     By then, that very faint hiss you hear in town sounded louder. I’m sure it was just me freaking out inside, but it really did feel like something in the air was closing in on me. Trying to block my ears to anything else. It got to the point where I was too dizzy to walk. Plopped under a tree, I looked over at the identical cream houses of Daisy Hill, fearing today would be the day when I’d know them better.

     But as I rose, I saw something lying on the sand of a nearby playground (Blue Jay Playground = explored). It was a Walkman with headphones. At least, that’s what it looked like. The lettering for the brand name was mushed and illegible. That didn’t matter, though. Immediately I tried turning it on. Success! It worked without a hitch and it’s what I’m listening to as I write.

     The only downsides are these. I have no cassettes and even if I did, I wouldn’t know exactly how to use them (I was very small when they were still popular). On top of that, there are only two radio stations. One is constant static. And the other plays, well, Weather Channel music. Very 80s and 90s smooth jazz fusion stuff. I mean, it’s not the worst, but…I don’t know. It’s just bland and it makes me kinda sad.

     It makes me think of Uncle Jerry.

     He was one of the only relatives I have clear memories of. Probably because he was the only relative who was comfortable hanging out with his small nieces and nephews. Tall and robust, he wore only Hawaiian and polo shirts, a flat cap, and colored sunglasses. He was always either golfing or bowling. And wherever he took us, he’d always play The Rippingtons – one of those bands you’d expect to hear on the Weather Channel. The music bored me to death, but I liked being with Uncle Jerry, so I’d sit through every minute of saxophone and synths.

     He was the only one who noticed something different about me back then.

     “You look out the window a lot, kid. What do you see?”

     “What everyone else sees.”

     “No one seems quite as interested in it as you.”

     I shrugged. “I imagine things, too.”

     “Like finding shapes in the clouds?”

     “Hmm…” I caught my attention slipping and forced myself to look at him. “Not really. Sometimes I imagine stories. Other times I just…drift. I kinda go places.”

     He nodded. “You know, your mind is a powerful thing. Sometimes it’s scary, too. It can fill you with bad and sad thoughts. Or it can wander so far you feel lost.”

     Lost as in I feel like I’ve left my body? Like I can’t find my way back? I didn’t say any of these things out loud. Instead, I asked, “How do you get…un-lost?”

     Uncle Jerry turned up the volume.  

      “Music!” He tapped the rhythm on the steering wheel. “When everything in your head is big and loud or you don’t know where you are, you blare it all out with music. It brings you back to earth without bringing you down.”

     I don’t remember if I responded to him or not. Or if I went back to staring out the window. But I suppose I took his words to heart because I listened to music a lot more after that. I didn’t sense any magical changes, but music did keep me grounded. Especially in the teen years when nothing seemed to go right and all I wanted was to run away from everything.

     By then, however, it was too late to thank him for the advice. He died when I was ten.

     Sheesh…what am I doing talking about family stuff at a time and place like this? Nothing about my life before means anything here. Here I am, full of these old memories, thoughts, and experiences, and not a single one of them makes sense in this place. This world with no past and no future…

     I wish I wasn’t alone.

     Woke up from a bad dream. Heard something from beyond the fountain. I got up and walked over there and, as usual, saw no one. But a mannequin had tipped forward and was leaning against the display window. Must have lost its balance. The sound of it hitting the glass was probably what I heard.

     Nothing to worry about. Going back to sleep.

     I was going to explore today anyway, but I think it’d be best if I was out of the mall all day.

     The store with the tipped-over mannequin is a mess. All the mannequins were on the floor when I checked the store. A lot of clothes racks were thrown over, too. And there’s a big crack running along the back wall.

     For my sanity’s sake, I’m going to assume I slept through a little earthquake.

     There’s nobody else here so no one could have done this.

     There’s nobody else here so no one could have done this.

     There’s nobody else here so no one could have done this.

     No one.

     I’ve got my Walkman and I’m going out. There’d better not be anything else happening at the mall while I’m gone. If there is…well, I don’t know what I’ll do. Except maybe find somewhere else to sleep. If it was an earthquake, then that’s just another factor I have to live with.

     If it – god, this is going to sound so stupid. But if it’s the world itself doing stuff, then I guess I’d better learn its rules quick. And if it’s anything else, like some creature I haven’t seen yet –

     No, I can’t go there. Stop thinking these kinds of thoughts. Nothing has happened for two months. Nothing will happen. I’ve lived here long enough to know that nothing ever happens in this place.

     I’m just going to listen to the stupid jazz and explore. Everything will be fine.