#going to try and pull myself out of the funk a little bit today

[marymycete]

forgive me if I've been exceptionally slow at doing anything for the past week, my anxiety has been out of control since my seasonal job ended and I'm trying to bring it under control without falling into treating this blog like a job

[tomssexdoll]

Okay so,

Tom had just got home from a concert and it did NOT go well. Y/N was trying to talk to him because she's a very talkative person and he likes that but to, he yelled at her. That put her in funk for the rest of the day and when Tom calms down and tries to be all lovey dovey with her, she denys it.

That's all I could come up with! Okay thank you love you bye. (I've may or may not got that from a c.ai bot...)

yes pookie ofc

Moody

PAIRINGS: Tom 2007 x Female reader CONTENT: ANGST + FLUFF SYPNOSIS: Tom yells at Y/N after talking his head off after a shitty concert, later he tries to get all lovey dovey with her but she rejects it. Later on, after Bill knocked some sense into him he came to her, frowning and apologsing A/N: moody tom WARNINGS: light yelling

"Hey baby!" I smiled and hugged Tom tightly, squeezing his tall frame in my arms, he just flashed a quick smile and entered the tour bus, a little bit of attitude lingering on him.

I chuckled at him being moody, yapping his head off as I usually did. Little did I know he was in a foul mood, the concert didn't go that well, mics breaking, guitars being faulty but in the end it worked out so I didn't think it had still affected Tom.

Usually Tom loves when I talk but I guess not today.

I kept on talking to him, clinging onto his arm. I couldn't tell that he was getting agitated, jaw clenching and face hardening. Then he finally snapped, turning around and screaming in my face, "will you ever shut the fuck up? Oh my god you are so annoying!" he grunted "I can't get peace and quiet after a shitty concert, not one ounce of quiet!" he continued to yell, shaking me softly.

My eyes widened, Bill interviening, "hey hey hey, there is no need to yell at her, she was just trying to cheer you up" Bill confronted Tom, scolding him.

I just walked off, tears welling up in my eyes. I locked myself in one of the bedrooms, sobbing on the bed, hurt from his kniving words. I heard Tom continue to complain, about anything he could, the guys continuing to scold him.

I hear Georgs soft voice at the door, knocking. I opened it and welcomed him in, his hand caressing my back and comforting me, reminding me it's not my fault and how he is being an asshole.

For the rest of the day I avoided Tom, being quiet and keeping to myself, his fit early on set me into a mood as well. When it came time for bed I watched as he walked in, eyes staying on me.

I just rolled my eyes and turned my back to him, reading my book to avoid any kind of conversation with him. I felt the bed dip and his comforting arms wrap around my waist, pulling me in.

"Cmere baby.." he kissed my neck, hands slipping down to my stomach and softly caressing it, I just ignored his pathetic attempts and continued to read, paying no mind to him.

He sighed, "cmon baby" he kept nibbling and kissing on my neck, trying anything to get my attention. I grunted "Im reading, isn't this what you wanted, peace and quiet?" I ripped his arms off me, storming off outside and into Bills room.

Bill looked up at me, a confused look on his face. I sighed, "Tom thinks he can get away with what he did before, not even a sorry, nothing" Bill scoffed "he really is an asshole isn't he, stay here I'll talk to him" he grunted, getting up and rushing into our shared room.

I could hear yelling coming from the other room, the walls being paper thin. Then 5 minutes later it stopped and Tom appeared in the doorway, a red mark on his cheek.

He walked towards me and sat down, his head low. "I'm sorry baby...I didn't mean to yell at you like that" he frowned, keeping his hands to himself to not upset me any further.

I sighed and hugged him, even thought he could be an asshole sometimes I still loved him, I knew it was just a heat of the moment thing and he didn't mean it, he just needed to cool down.

"And I'm sorry for not apologising earlier.." he sniffled, I smiled softly, surprised I didn't need to remind him about that.

"It's ok schatz..just stop being an asshole" I giggled, pulling back and wiping a tear from his face. He smiled and grabbed my hand, leading me back into the bedroom with an angry Bill.

"Did you slap my poor baby?" I glared at him, Bill chuckled, "he deserved it" before walking out and heading back to bed.

I sat on Toms lap, comforting and babying him for a while before we went to bed and of course Tom cuddled up to me, holding me tightly.

tags: @itsmealaiah @tomscumdump @tomscumdoll @tomkaulitzloverr @bkaulitzlover @ballhair @estxkios @charliesgoodboy @ge-billsgf

[addisonstars]

"the many masks of regulus black"

written for day 25 of october for @jegulus-microfic with the prompt "mask"

608 words!

James came into the house and he knew something was wrong. Nothing was different about the house or anything; the lights were still on, a candle burning like normal, and he even saw soup stewing on the stove. That’s a little unsafe, thought James, but he didn’t think twice about it. So no, nothing was really wrong, but his…call it his spidey sense, told him something was wrong. 

He kicked off his shoes, checked the pot on the stove to make sure it wasn't going to burn down the house and headed into his bedroom, disrobing as he went. James, walking into the bedroom, noticed then what was wrong. 

It was Regulus, he was curled in a lump on the bed with the lights off, blinds shut and everything in the room just off. James stilled in the doorway wondering how to approach the situation. He could turn away and leave Regulus to stew in his feelings. Or if he should go over and comfort him and snuggle up with. 

The answer seemed obvious, as ninety-nine percent of the time James knew what Reg needed, but that one percent was constantly looming over James. Had they been married for a little over two years now and had they known each other for over a decade? Yes. But they were learning new things about each other every day. 

James went over to Reg and gently rubbed his back, waking him from his slumber. Regulus rolled over and groaned, stretching his arms out rubbing his eyes. He must have been asleep for a little bit. 

“Hey love,” James whispered softly, so as not to disturb Regulus. 

Regulus blinked, trying to find James in the dark of the room. “James.” 

“Yeah baby, I’m home.” 

“Mmm,” he rolled back over to the wall, back once again facing James. He sounded happy to see James, but it looked like he didn't want to be with James. James knew then that Regulus was in some sort of funk today. 

It happens to everyone, and definitely happens to Regulus. Not because of anything specific, but he knew that Walburga and Orion had an effect on his depression. And on days like these, Regulus gets into a funk, and James tends to be one of the only people who can pull him out. Sirius as well. 

James undressed and climbed into bed with Regulus. Regulus scooted even closer to the wall, avoiding James even more. 

“Reggie,” James started. He didn't want to be imposing on Regulus, but someone can’t drown if you don’t let them go in the water. 

“I’m fine babe, just tired.” He was breathing steadily which was good, a nice reassurance to James. “Hey, can you go check the soup, I forgot I had it-”

“Reg.” James said a bit more sternly. He hated being like this, but he knew that Regulus was close to the deep end. “Drop the mask, don’t lie to me.” 

Regulus rolled over and he buried his face into James' shoulder, taking slow breaths. “I am tired though.” 

“And?” James prompted. 

His voice sounded a bit muffled shoved into James' shirt. “I’ll tell you in a bit. Ok?” James frowned. It’s not what he wanted to hear, but he guesses that it’s better than radio silence. “I promise I’m not lying, I will tell you, but I just…need, I dunno-” he paused, “you? Quiet? A little bit more time to think about what’s inside my head?” He said softly, timidly.

James frown turned upside down. “Ok, Reggie dear, I’ll be here.” He kisses Regulus’ forehead and once he heard his heartbeat slow down, James shut his eyes too. 

...am i proud of myself for this line: "someone can’t drown if you don’t let them go in the water" yes, yes, i am :,,)

-a.s.

[refriedrambles]

Coming back up here cause I wasn't planning on hard gushing about Manhwa when I started writing but I went off. I was planning on just going over some of the plans for the day. You have been forewarned

I'm finding some really good manhwa. like holy shit dude. Maybe I need to look for that side of tumblr

Notable ones: World's Greatest Senior Disciple (great art, story and characters), Infinite Mage (not even through the first chapter but so far great art and introduction execution)

The art in the first one reminds me so much of avatar dude. The fl has Azula's fucking face, but is so expressive, passionate and funny. MC and fl are both really smart, dumb and stupidly stubborn. It's a very tightly laced story. Each thread pulled reveals things that are or will be relevant later. It's a fucking mystery. I didn't realize I was jumping into a mystery last night and I was fucking hooked by the time it clicked. (I do like mysteries I just don't tend to seek them out)

Starts out with this martial clan getting their shit wrecked by loan sharks. MC shows up after being assumed killed in action during the war two years ago right as the sharks are trying to cut the youngest's arm off and destroys them. Something happened in those two years and he got ridiculously strong because of it, but he's pretty tight lipped about it and is far more focus on whatever is going on in the region. The war is over, the demon dead, and yet the land seems lawless upon his return and one of his brothers are missing

MC (or very very likely MC) in the second is incredibly one track minded and very obviously a reincarnator, but isn't introduced in that first person 'oh I died some how and woke up in a baby's body in an other world' bit that starts off most of these stories. (I don't necessarily dislike the bit, but only a few stories handle it well. Mushoku Tensei is probably the best with this. Most of them feel rather clunky, but I'm isekai trash so meh) And that bit very likely happened to our likely MC, but that's not how the story is introduced. Hell MC ain't our intro character. It's his hunter dad. Hears a baby crying in the dead of night, is suspicious cause a baby/ family getting past all the traps he set up on his land isn't possible and grabs an axe to check it out. He makes a comment about him and his wife not being able to have kids and then he immediately finds this baby. No explaination how it got there, why it's alone and he's practically glowing

Think these two might be up there with Trash of the Count's Family for me. They're probably better written, but I'm a simp for Cale and it's still some amazing writing. (It's gotta be for me to binge 610 chapters of a webnovel for a few days straight after reading the first few manhwa chapters.)

Aaannnyway gonna get back to drawing today. I was in a pretty nasty funk yesterday(went away after did some dishes and found a comic to read. It was difficult to find something that piqued my interest since most of what I was finding was stuff I've already read or just didn't appeal to me). I'm doing much better now!

I started little flash cards for the characters in Being Fired yesterday and am thinking maybe I should change how I'm approaching writing it? Switch to a script cause I'm overwhelming tempted to just make this project a comic. (I basically decided to do that when I committed to the group shot and started doing all those warm up, but was afraid to admit that to myself.) I've tried writing scripts before but didn't know what I was doing, but maybe actively drawing shit relating towards it and distancing myself more from describing actions will help? Idk idk, but Imma try. It's the only fic I've gotten fully out lined so far and I think I got a better chance at drawing it rather then writing it

Gonna draw Red more for the warm up probably. Might fuck with the sketches from the last warm up cause his head is just so off and I don't want those in the ref file like that

Then back to the groupshot finish that up and maybe start sketching Zim and the Tallest? Might switch to forcing myself to work on backgrounds for a while instead. Also might need to start blocking out time for stuff since I'm not really hitting shit on my list. Either way I wanna work on writing and drawing on the same days some times instead of focusing fully on one or the other

Gotta keep thing going. There doesn't need to be alot of energy going into things at once as long as it's consistent

[redoqs]

Redoqs Rambles

TW: Anxiety

Overthinking has always been a rough thing for me though I never realized it until recently. It’s always had a way of sneaking up on me a lot of the time and by the time I realized that I’m doing it I’m already in deep. I start feeling almost overwhelmingly anxious—the worst of it including me being physically sick and unable to eat or sleep or do anything—and my mood is affected for a while after that until something comes along to pull me out of my funk and even then it only lasts for so long until the cycle starts again.

I’m not typing all this to focus on how bad the overthinking has gotten. I know how it felt when it was at its absolute worst. I know that if I had allowed it to continue it would cause me to harm those close to me and I refuse to let that happen. So after taking a bit to think about it, I took myself to therapy and it’s honestly one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Over the course of the past few months the overthinking has gotten a lot better. Of course some days are more difficult than others, I know I still have things to learn and unlearn and sometimes the thoughts have a victory—for example, I had a thought today that got to me but I’m okay now. Proud of myself actually because months ago, a thought like that would’ve had me out of it for the whole day—but I have methods now that I can do that’ll help me ground myself whenever I get caught up in my thoughts. I have things I can do to help ease my mind and help me realize that about 99% of the things I’m thinking are not based on fact but rather assumptions that I’ve made up based on how I believed I felt.

A lot of good has come from it and I’m proud of myself but it’s not easy. The hardest part about all of this, for me, is admitting to myself that it’s all me. The overthinking and anxiety that comes from the thoughts, why I’m feeling the way that I do, how I allow myself to feel all stems from things within myself. No one wants to believe that they’re the problem but the best kind of people recognize their faults and try to fix them. Admitting that I’m the reason why I feel the way I do is daunting but also very freeing in a sense. I guess the first step to recovery is acknowledging that there are issues in the first place. I believe that it really works. Once I recognize what I’m feeling and where it’s coming from I can control it, give it time to run its course, determine if it’s based on fact or opinion and then let it go. It’s easier said than done but it does get easier everyday. This process allows me to control the flow of my thoughts before they get out of hand and focus on the positives rather than negatives that most likely won’t even happen. I want to get better and live my best life and every day I can feel myself getting closer and closer to that.

Like I said, this process hasn’t been easy but I’m getting through it and I’m proud of where I am now versus the beginning of the year. I have a few friends that I can definitely say have been there for me when some days were a little too much and I appreciate them more than they can ever know. I want to say though that there is someone else that I’m entirely grateful for, someone who’s never made me feel like I’m too much or that my personal feelings aren’t important. She’s been great to me, amazing actually. I couldn’t ask for a better person in my life and I wish I could think of something, anything I could do to express to her at least a little bit how much I appreciate all she’s done. This process would’ve been a lot harder without her support so thank you so much for being by my side and helping me, reassuring me and loving me. It means the universe to me and I’ll always cherish you. I genuinely hope you know that.

[finyx7733]

06/13/24

Affirmations: I am worthy of love I am capable of great things I am not a burden I am made of stardust and magick

How do I feel physically today? Physically I am feeling okay, my body is a little stiff and sore but other than that things are good. I am feeling anxious today but nothing like I was yesterday. Hopefully, I can pull myself out of this funk and do the things I need to do today.

Am I intellectually stimulated? Intellectually I have been doing a lot of research and I think I've burnt myself out. Today I'm taking a break and just doing things that spark joy.

How do I feel emotionally today? Emotionally I am feeling depressed and anxious. I feel like I can't do anything right and I just want to cry. My anxiety is at a 6 today.

How do I feel spiritually today? I am going to meditate today and see if that can ground me and make me feel a little better. My spirit feels drained and tired.

Yesterday was a hard day for me, I couldn't even bring myself to journal. I was depersonalizing very badly, I didn't feel like a human and my emotions and feelings weren't my own. I did manage to get my chore for the day finished but that was after I slept most of the day. I don't know, I feel like a failure, like I can't do anything right and I know that's not the case. I've been doing really good following my schedule and doing my chores. Keeping the downstairs neat and clean so Mimi doesn't have to worry about it when she has her days off.

Today I feel more like a person, but I'm still depersonalizing. It's the oddest sensation, my entire body is numb and my arms look like plastic doll arms, the person in the mirror doesn't look like me and part of me thinks she is plotting against me. I know that doesn't make sense, that it is just my bipolar making me paranoid but the thought did cross my mind. When I get like this, I usually avoid the mirror and things that make me feel off…but when your body isn't your body everything feels off.

I have decided I am only doing things that spark joy, so I'm going to make a nice cup of tea, maybe sit on the porch and enjoy nature for a little bit, smoke some weed, and just talk to some friends. I do have to clean the closet today but other than that the chores on my list are minimal and are things I can do during the day. They are simple things like "make the bed" and "take my medication," little reminders for my physical and mental health.

I haven't been doing any movement, I found videos on YouTube but I've yet to actually do them. I haven't been writing down my food either…I need to start doing that. I need to fill my days with productive things, otherwise, I just sleep and that isn't good for me.

I dont know what my problem is… it's not like I have obligations holding me back, I need to make my health a priority. Not only my mental health but my physical health as well. I am overweight 273 pounds and I want to be able to do things that I can't with the way my weight is. I want to go horseback riding and ziplining but I can't do these things the way I am now. I want to go to an amusement part and be able to ride every ride there and not worry if my ass is going to fit into the ride. I know losing weight isn't going to fix my mental health and it's not going to magically make me happy but gosh it could improve my way of life so much.

This isnt just a journey to look better or fit into a smaller size, this is a journey of self-love. I want to love myself no matter what size I am, I am beautiful and there is nothing wrong with the way I look even if society deems me to be "ugly" I am anything but.

I managed to do the closet but I don't have much drive to do much else. Maybe I'll wash my bedding, that might make me feel nice sleeping in a nice clean bed. That sounds like a nice idea maybe I'll wait until papa goes down to Matt and Marie's. I don't like to be in the way and I feel like if I'm doing laundry and he is watching TV I will be in his way. I try to keep to myself as much as possible. I don't like to be a bother to people and he is already helping me out so much.

I just dont like feeling like a burden, but Mimi says I'm not a burden because she chooses to help me and she knows what she is getting into. It's not a burden if people love you and want to help you. Words like that bring me comfort and it makes me feel loved. I have felt such kindness and compassion ever since I moved here, this place truly feels like home

<3 Fi

[humhowellujah]

gamers ive had one of my worst "im so anxious i cant leave the house" days in a while. and then i couldnt even read/write/do ANYTHING to try and relax or feel Normal despite that so ive been looking at screens and wanting to rip my hair out and vomit lmfao i got halfway ready earlier then just gave up, got back in pajamas and fell back asleep. ive kind of accepted today as a loss but im trying to look forward to tomorrow, my goal is to go out with my bullet journal, go someplace new (i think the cafe my sister recommended to me) & talk to a stranger, go to the park by the river, and listen to a new album in full. not holding myself to too strict of an itinerary but i need to give myself a little push i think! i worked a double yesterday so i think my brain/body just needed to have a slug day. i work back to back doubles this weekend (im out a bit of money from vet bills so i gotta push thru) (my baby is okay tho <3 im just broke now) so i need to have at least ONE day where i can feel fully myself yk?

if you read all of this first of all ty second of all can yall reply w ways you pull yourself out of a funk?? or just something that made you happy or laugh this week :))

[crazyblondelife]

Classic Winter Style - Outfit Ideas

The weather has been anything but warm here…I don’t remember the last time we had highs in the 20’s, but that’s how the last couple of days have been! I for one am over it and spring can just hurry up and get here!

In spite of my wishes for spring, staying warm is still a priority and it’s been a little tough lately! I really just want to stay curled up by a fire but my life doesn’t work that way these days!

I’ll admit to doing a little bit of shopping recently because there are so many great sales going on right now, but I’m still trying to pull out items that I don’t wear often and create outfits around them!

As always, if you want to shop any of these items…I would love that, but these posts are meant to inspire you to recreate similar looks from your closet! Remember to take inspiration from anywhere…a color, a pattern, you don’t have to recreate the same look, just use these collages as inspiration!

I’m loving so many styles of denim right now from the cuffed jeans at Veronica Beard to wide leg jeans from H&M! I really like both styles paired with pointed toe booties and a white blouse. Since it’s so cold, I’m adding a sweater over the blouse and of course, a coat! I like the idea of layers and the look of layers, but the reality is, for me…I don’t find them very comfortable. Right now, I guess it’s cold or uncomfortable…anyone else ready for spring?

I forget just how pleasing grey and brown can be together! These boots with the grey pants are fabulous and the off white sweater and blouse create a classic look that’s anything but boring! I think most of us can dig up a pair of grey jeans, a cream sweater and brown boots!

Don’t put away the red in your wardrobe just because the holiday season is over! This look is made up of basics with a twist and the pop of red in the sweater might just brighten your day and actually, any color sweater would work with this outfit…even brown! I purchased the jeans pictured in a lighter wash and they are my new favorites and great to wear year round!

The boutique below is filled with the items from these collages as well as fabulous but random things that caught my eye! I hope you enjoy!

I’ve been in a bit of a funk over the past month and a half and starting to feel more like myself and a little better. I never really slowed down or took the time to just be after my mom passed away and I’ve finally had a chance to let it all sink in. I’m hoping my posting schedule will be much more regular going forward! Thanks so much for reading today!

[cassbrookes]

#Sol's RV with @solreznik

Cass Brookes

-After her conversation with Isaac, Cass took a walk around town to clear her head before she went to Sol's place. After the amazing night they'd had the night before, the last thing she wanted was to go in and bring the mood down. That could wait until after she told him she'd be heading outside the walls. Rapping her knuckles lightly against the door, she called out- Guess who!

Sol Reznik

-After his morning chat with Ike, Sol hadn't left his RV. Ate what he had stashed in his cabinets, whittled idly at a few carving projects, and lazed about--completely and utterly unlike himself. Hearing a knock and Cass' cheery voice just about knocked some pure happiness into him--the stars the night before, the easy way she'd cuddled up to him. But then the morning's conversation rang in his head again.- C'mon in...-her face appears- ain't this a pretty surprise.

Cass Brookes

-she didn't hesitate once he gave her the okay to come in, poking her head through the door before stepping inside- Hey you. -He was shirtless, so she had to do her best to keep her eyes on his face, especially since he didn't have his ribs all wrapped up this time. After a moment, she moved over to where he was sitting and leaned in to give him a gentle kiss before settling in next to him.- How are you feeling today? Kinda figured you'd be out tryin' to fix something.

Sol Reznik

-oh, that easy kiss was like a balm to his overactive mind. But even still, he couldn’t avoid her question- Nah, no use to anything today…in a bit of a funk, I guess.

Cass Brookes

-his response pulled her lips down into a small frown of worry, her hand moving to the middle of his back to rub small circles on it- Did you not sleep well? Is it pain?

Sol Reznik

-closing his eyes in delight at her touch for just a moment…before the morning’s guilt came rushing in- Nothing like that, I slept like a baby. No, it’s…got to talking to somebody earlier and it reminded me of some shit that always gets me in my head. Been thinking it over all day.

Cass Brookes

-her hand pauses as her frown deepens, concern washing over her- I know what that can be like. I'm not gonna try and pull anything outta you, but if you wanna talk about it, I got nothin' but time right now. -she moves her hand around so that she's hugging his shoulders, giving him a little squeeze-

Sol Reznik

Shit, feels unfair to you…we get one nice evening before I’m unveiling my sad sack ways -he tries to tack a little laugh onto it, but it sounds half-hearted, even to his own ears- I just…man, I think you deserve the whole damn world. The very best. And I…historically speaking, I fuck things up. In all the crazy shit in this world, I’d wanna protect you, do right by you. But I couldn’t even get Ginny through one night out past the walls.

Cass Brookes

Hey... -While his last words weren't unexpected - hell, she knew he'd have to have this guilt eating him - it still didn't soften the blow of basically hearing him blame himself out loud- Ginny... it wasn't your fault, Sol. I know me sayin' it isn't going to immediately change your mind, but I hope someday you realize that it's true. There was nothing you could've done differently. You don't control the weather. -Now she moved her hands to cup his cheeks, forcing his head to turn and look her in the eyes- The past is just that. The past. I'm a big girl, Sol. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've spent a fair amount of time outside these walls myself.

Sol Reznik

-he presses his cheek into the comfort of her touch and closes his eyes- Shoulda been more cautious about the barn. I knew it was old, I shouldn’t have risked it. I can’t…I can’t shake the guilt. You deserve someone who’s not carrying that shit around, ‘cause I’m gonna have bad days, Cass. And I gotta warn you now, I’m going back out there. I gotta finish what sent Ginny out there, I gotta try to find Henry. Or I’m not gonna be able to live with myself. But god, that’s a shitty thing to put you through.

Cass Brookes

-It was impossible to stop the deep breath of air she sucked in at the idea of him heading out into the world to try and find a kid he'd never even met. Bless him, she understood his need, the reason behind it, but damn. Rather than focusing on that right now though, she presses her forehead to his.- If you think I'm not carryin' shit around, I'm puttin' up a better front than I thought. We've all got baggage, babe. Hell, some of us had it before the world went to shit. -she strokes her thumbs over his cheekbones, quiet for a moment before adding- I won't lie, I'm not a fan of you going out on what feels like an impossible mission, but I get it. I do.

Sol Reznik

-her understanding in that moment, the way she gets closer instead of pulling away…it breaks him. After building all day, the emotion of it comes spilling out of him in quiet tears- Lemme help you carry some of it, okay? I know right now I’m the one crumbling, but when it comes time, put some of that baggage on me, please?

Cass Brookes

-seeing the tears, hearing the break in his voice, she wraps her arms around him and pulls him in close, as though she can somehow shield him from the hurt he's experiencing- Only if you share yours with me, yeah? If we're gonna do this, we're in this together, good and bad. -her fingers stroke through his curls reassuringly, silently urging him to let his emotions out, because she's not going anywhere- I want to be equal partners with you, Sol. You lean on me, I lean on you.

Sol Reznik

-he hooks his chin over her shoulder and hugs her back- It’s gonna take some practice…I know my habits. But I’ll try. Shit, think I’d try anything for you. Just…tell me if I’m fucking up, okay? ‘Cause it’ll never be on purpose. But it’s been a long time since I let someone close.

Cass Brookes

I promise that I will do my best to warn you before you even get close to fucking anything up, okay? -she turns her head so her face is pressed into his neck, taking a deep breath before pulling back a bit. She's hoping that opening up a bit to him in return will help ease his own fears about himself- You have every right to tell me if I'm fucking things up, too, cause I'm just as likely to as you. My last relationship was a nightmare and I haven't trusted myself with anyone since.

Sol Reznik

-he doesn’t like the sound of a nightmare relationship, but he tries not to let his face get too grim. He takes her hand- You can tell me about it, y’know? Help me know how to treat you better?

Cass Brookes

-For a moment she almost makes a callous, offhand comment in response to his questions, but at the last second she reins it in, knowing now isn't the time for jokes.- It's a pretty cliché story. Girl meets boy, girl falls in love, girl's dreams start coming true and boy's don't, boy gets mad, boy hits girl. -Okay, it still came out more callous than she meant to, so with a sigh, she squeezes his hand and continues- He started out alright, turned into a jerk at the end. I hate admitting it, but I stayed way longer than I should've, thinking he'd change back.

Sol Reznik

-the idea of hitting Cass is so completely fucking foreign to him that it hadn't crossed his mind as the source of the nightmare. As soon as the word "hit" leaves her mouth, something new and angry starts taking shape inside him. He tamps it down for some other outlet, but she can probably still feel his tremble. He loosens his posture, gentles his body as much as he can, and squeezes her hand back- Fucking shame you had to go through any of that. I can see why you'd be cautious, then. I hope you know...the boxing, the fighting shit I've done, that has always stayed in the ring.

Cass Brookes

Oh, God, Sol-- no. I've never worried about that around you. Ever. -Even having felt the shift in his posture twice over, there's no fear when it comes to being this close to him- Not even after learning you did the whole boxing thing. -To reassure him as much as herself, she leaned in again to place another soft kiss on his lips-  Steve just-- it took awhile for me to admit how bad things were, and it took even longer for me to stop blaming myself. You're nothing like him though.

Sol Reznik

-he sighs relief against her kiss, then presses one of his own to her forehead- I hate knowing you went through something awful like that...and being totally honest, the idea that someone laid their hand on you in harm makes me wanna tear down a whole goddamn building in rage. If zombies haven't gotten him, I wouldn't mind the chance to take him out myself. -he takes a deep breath and focuses back on her, pets her cheek with his thumb- But I'm proud you got out.

Cass Brookes

Zombies probably did get him, but even if he's still out there somewhere, he's not worth it. -She offers him a small smile- So you can leave the poor, innocent buildings alone. -Now she twists to a sideways sitting position, wrapping her arms around him entirely and pulling him into her chest, every bit as protective as he wants to be- What about you? Why've you held people at arm's length so long?

Sol Reznik

-the intensity of that question sobered him right up and he blew out a big puff of air- I got this tendency to just...not be as much as people need? The one serious relationship I was in, I couldn't be who she needed. Couldn't...-he cleared his throat to stall, but figured he oughta be upfront- she wanted kids--we both did--but it never happened. Years after we split, she got married, had a whole bunch of babies right in a row. That's just one example. Somewhere along the way, I guess I figured I was saving folks the disappointment? I got older, realized that was a cowardly way of living. But by then, I'd gotten used to my own company. -he rests his head against her shoulder- holy shit, I never do this, just spill my guts out.

Cass Brookes

-she can practically feel the gravity of his answer in the weight of his frame. The comment about the kids - well, she could see how that would make anyone feel 'not enough'. Cass had always dreamed of having kids someday, but now, with the state of the world, she wasn't so sure.- I'm glad you feel like you can. Share with me. And for what it's worth, you should never think you're not enough for someone. -She wanted to reassure him that of course it wasn't on him that they'd never had children, but she couldn't say for sure and to try and tell him otherwise would probably come off as patronizing. 'Maybe it wasn't meant to be' wasn't any better. So instead of saying any of those things, she tilted her chin to kiss the crown of his head, continuing to run her fingers through his hair.-

Sol Reznik

You're real good at this, y'know? Still got the little ball of guilt in there, but for the first time all day, I don't feel like my goddamn chest is gonna cave in. -he sways a little against her, then hums when a thought comes to mind- Shit, I didn't even ask, how was your day?

Cass Brookes

-she let out a soft chuckle, kissing the crown of his head again- Like I said, we're a team. It's easier if it's shared. -oof. Her day. Hopefully her new plan didn't bring back that chest caving feeling again.- Not so bad. Didn't come across anything on my security rounds. -She paused, and now she was the one doing the stalling. Another sigh.- I stopped by Isaac's place earlier to run an idea past him.

Sol Reznik

-Ike was about the last person he expected her to mention, but he tried not to let his surprise show, put on a joking voice- Now that sounds like all sorts of trouble.

Cass Brookes

Surprisingly not. -She never had told Sol about everything that had gone down between her and Isaac, so she didn't mention the semi-truce they'd come to- At least not running the idea past him. He was actually all for it.

Sol Reznik

Well that's good, what's the idea?

Cass Brookes

-Well there was a loaded question, considering she hadn't even told Sol about all of her family yet.- Going back to my ranch to see if some of my older brother's 'bugout bags' are still hidden. He had several stashes hidden around the property.

Sol Reznik

Is that Alex, then? Send a couple of raiders out there to bring back the goods--that's smart.

Cass Brookes

Not Alex... Nate. He's not-- he was with Alex and didn't make it. And no, not a couple of raiders. -she tenses slightly, already anticipating that Sol isn't going to like her next words- Me, Alex, and Ike.

Sol Reznik

-compassion hit first, when she mentioned a brother that was dead. Then she wasted no time in dealing the second blow- Jesus...I don't like that. I--I'm sorry to hear about Nate, I'm guessing that was news Alex brought with him? Shit Cass, you been grieving and I'm fucking...hitting on you? -he hung his head down and sighed- I'm guessing there's a reason Ike can't just take Alex?

Cass Brookes

Hey - you have been a fucking shining light in the middle of all of this. I've been grieving yes, but I didn't say anything, because in a way, I've already grieved all of my family. -Shit, she'd already gone through it once today, and if anyone deserved to know the story, it was Sol- We lost my parents about a year into everything. About maybe a year after that, Nate and Alex went out for supplies and just... never came back. I waited a year for them, hoping, but by the time some people wandered by and told me about Redwood forming, I had nothing but the horses. And I'm not gonna lie, Ike could easily take Alex and leave me behind... -she used her fingers to tilt his chin up so she could look him in the eyes again- But I feel like I need to go.

Sol Reznik

-he felt a surge of fondness for her, setting out with just her horses, brave and determined in the face of loss- I get it. Hell, I'd be a raging fucking hypocrite if I said otherwise. And I trust Ike. Not that I don't trust Alex, I just know Ike. If I had to pick someone to watch out for you, it's him. I just...-he took both of her hands in his and brought them to his mouth like he could impress the words on them- I know you will, but please be careful. Be smarter than I was out there.

Cass Brookes

Of course I'll be careful. I promise I'll be careful. Besides, it'll only take us a couple of days, a week at most. Easy peasy. And I'll be as smart as I can. -she wanted desperately to ease his mind, although she knew it was impossible to completely ease his fears- I'll have Ike and Alex to keep an eye on me, and you know Zodiac won't let me get into trouble

Sol Reznik

-the mention of Zodiac did actually reassure him- Yeah, I take it back, if there's anyone I pick to watch out for you it's Zodiac, that's one very good boy. You need anything taken care of at the farmhouse while you're gone? Anything I can do back here?

Cass Brookes

-she snorted a laugh at his sudden turn, although she couldn't blame him after Zodiac was the one to carry him home- I'll let you know if I can think of anything for while I'm gone. But...for tonight? Do you mind if I just stay here? -Partly because she just wanted to be close to him, partly to prove to him that she wasn't scared of whatever baggage he had, and partly to reassure him that she was real and there and would come back to him-

Sol Reznik

-relieved beyond words that he doesn't have to watch her walk out tonight- Course I don't mind, whatever I got is yours. Which...ain't a lot, mind you. But I got a couple of clean t-shirts and sweatpants if you need something comfortable to sleep in. Might wanna lock the door though, apparently I'm still "recuperating," which means folks walk in with soup at all hours of the day.

Cass Brookes

I hadn't even thought of that. No one is gonna like, panic if they can't get to you, right? -she could only imagine how embarrassing that might be for everyone involved- I already told Alex not to wait up for me, so he's not gonna be looking for me. -She glances down at her current outfit, realizing that jeans would definitely not be comfortable to sleep in- I'll take you up on the t-shirt... sweatpants might be too warm. Got any of those cute little shorts around?

Sol Reznik

Nah, I'm not expected anywhere til the afternoon tomorrow. -he scoffs at the shorts comment and shakes his head- I have one clean pair left, you're welcome to 'em.

Cass Brookes

You laugh, but I'm used to sleeping in just a t-shirt and underwear. I'll take the shorts over full on sweatpants any day. -glancing around the RV, she turns back to Sol- Where can I find said shorts and tee?

Sol Reznik

-with that glorious mental picture searing into his brain, he levels her with a knowing smile, kicks the heel of his good foot against the underside of his bed, and scoots to the side- There's storage under here, I got it. -he leans down and snags the shorts- for shirts, I've got grey or navy blue, what's your flavor?

Cass Brookes

Very efficient use of space. -In a way, she envied him this cozy space. More often than not, the farmhouse felt entirely too empty and lonely- Hmm... -she pretends to think, as though it's some very important decision- I'm feeling the navy blue. It'll up my stealth factor. -as though she was at all stealthy-

Sol Reznik

-handing the garments over with a smile- Should I be concerned you're tryna be stealthy in my bed? -he catches himself- That's alright, yeah? Sharing the bed? I assumed...

Cass Brookes

-She takes the clothing before kicking off her boots, and with only a little hesitation, shucks off both her jeans and top right in front of him, replacing them with the offered clothing before answering his questions- Well, I promise you I'll be anything but stealthy, and yeah... that's kinda what I was anglin' for...

Sol Reznik

-not prepared for her to undress right away he catches sight of her bare breasts and long legs before glancing away in the name of privacy. He still wanted to wait until he was in better shape, but tonight would test that resolve- Never need to angle with me, Cass, I'm very unlikely to ever tell you "no."

Cass Brookes

Then in that case, I want to stay the night to be close to you, so yeah -she paused, locking the door of the RV before stepping over to stand in front of Sol again- if you're okay with me sharin' your bed, that's where I wanna be.

Sol Reznik

-staring up at her, a little mesmerized- Then that's where I want you. You still okay with waiting?

Cass Brookes

-she takes the time to let her gaze move over his body, nibbling her lower lip for a contemplative moment before she settles on the bed next to him and nods- I'm telling you right now, I am coming back from the ranch, so yes, I'm still good on waiting. -she scooches up further onto the bed and pats the spot next to her in unnecessary invitation-

Sol Reznik

-her promise made his heart sing, even if he knew this was a world without guarantees. So he maneuvered onto the bed beside her til they were shoulder to shoulder and lowered his voice to a whisper- You like your own space when you sleep, or can I hold you?

Cass Brookes

-In answer to his question, she rolled over and settled herself in against his side as she had the previous night, wrapping her arms around him and holding him close, nuzzling into the crook of his neck- I make no guarantees once I'm asleep, but right now I don't want any space between us. I don't want anything between us. -After tonight it felt like there was no space, no secrets, nothing to hide-

[thearchivistsjournal]

Day 262,

Morning thought: The equinox is going to be in a few weeks.  I need to decide on a story to tell for it.

*******

Trying to break myself out of the funk I’ve been in for the past couple of weeks and took a beach day.  You’d think I’d have had my fill of that by now, but for all the time we spent on various beaches during the expedition there was very little in the way of recreational beach activities happening.  It was always more of a matter of getting out of the boats to take a break from rowing and stretch our legs for a bit.  I think today might have been my first time swimming since my spring-aided convalescence.  

It felt good.  There’s something mundanely magical about how gravity slackens its grip on you in the water.  Well, of course that’s not what’s actually happening, but buoyancy can make it feel that way.  The closest one can typically get to flying.  And even when you’re not truly swimming, but just standing in water up to your chest or shoulders it’s easy to imagine that you’ve temporarily gained a heretofore unpossessed grace and poise, now able to balance on a single toe as you strike poses you’d be unable to hold on dry ground.  “Jumping” and delaying your “landing” simply by pulling your legs up under you.  Even the resistance of water to your movements can contribute to the feeling if you work with it instead of against it.  Make your movements even and deliberate and the enforced slowness takes on a quality between performative and meditative.

On the other hand, trying all that in the ocean with waves instead of a still body like a pool or lake rather detracts from the mystique.  Hard to be graceful when every few seconds you get pushed about and dunked with salt water.  Still, I made a sort of game of it, searching for a rhythm by which to move my body and adjust my stance to sway with the waves.  I wasn’t particularly successful and I’m sure to any outside observer I would have looked ridiculous, but I enjoyed getting lost in the moment.  That joyful focus on and union with my own body that let me forget the sorrows of the mind for a time.

I considered swimming out to the reef that mostly surrounds the island, but decided against it.  I figured I wouldn’t be able to get a good view of it just bobbing on the surface and I’ve never gotten the hang of opening my eyes underwater.  Besides, swimming out on my own with no flotation device is maybe not the safest of plans.  It did get me thinking though, the prospect of inquiring about having a pair of goggles made might make for an excuse to visit the glassmaker less likely to arouse Theo’s suspicions than trying to invent microscopes to investigate how the crystals work.

Also, I’ve never quite gotten the appeal of sunbathing before, but I think I might be starting to get it.  Lying still in a pleasant near-exhaustion after time spent in the water, slowly warming up as the mild chill leaves you.  I found myself rather relaxed.

In retrospect, I’m a little surprised the nature sprite never showed up today.  Maybe it’s had its fill for a time after yesterday.  Or maybe it realized that it crossed a line.  The latter is almost certainly wishful thinking though.

But I’ll not dwell on that for now.  Today’s been good and I aim to keep it that way through until waking tomorrow.

<==Previous          Next==>

[fandoms-writings]

Something Domestic - Five

Pairing: ex-military amputee!Bucky x fem!Reader

Summary: After some convincing, Bucky has agreed to join you for dinner at Aunt May’s. But he wants to make a change first, and while there, he meets a new friend. 

Word Count:  5.2K

Warnings: nothing much, just fluff, little bit of backstory into our reader and her father, we meet Aunt May

Series Masterlist || Bucky Masterlist

"Buck! I'm back!" You exclaimed once you stepped through the door. You shrugged off your coat, hanging it on the hook by the door as you stomped most of the water off your boots. The rainy season before the snow had started. Today was a particularly stormy day, and for the sake of his own sanity, Bucky had opted to stay home while you went to the store, driving in the rain and on the slick roads. 

He slowly stepped down the stairs, Bruno running down next to him to greet you as you walked into the kitchen. "Were the roads too bad?" He asked as he sat on one of the bar stools.

You placed the bags on the counter, "Not really, a little mud coming back up the hill though," You explained as you started emptying the bags, "I got what you asked for." You shot him a smile as you pushed the bag to him, "I'm not the biggest connoisseur on clippers and razors, so I did my best at picking them out." He laughed and opened the bag, pulling out the boxes. 

"Thanks, these'll work just fine. Just figured I should make myself look a little more presentable with that dinner at May's coming up." He muttered as he began opening the box to the clippers. 

Peter had told his aunt about your new house guest and had been trying to get you two over for dinner the past few weeks. You'd finally told Bucky enough about her to feel comfortable accepting and she was making a whole day out of it. Ever since, Bucky had been talking about getting rid of the growing hair on his face. So, when you went to pick up some ingredients to make dessert, per Peter's request, he'd shyly asked if you could get him the tools needed. 

"I'm gonna run upstairs and get started on this," He gestured to his face before putting the boxes back in the bag so he could carry them up. You let him know you'd be in the kitchen if he needed anything and with that, he disappeared. 

You got to work prepping the pie you were going to make, getting all the ingredients set out and making the crust early so you had less to worry about. You didn't realize how much time had passed until you were placing the now ready crust in the fridge and had cleaned the counter off. The house was quiet, save for the soft melody of your music flowing from the speaker, and you glanced at the clock. Almost an hour had passed and Bucky hadn't come back down yet. 

You knew it would take him some time to figure out the best way to shave one handed, but still, you worried. You thought maybe he was just showering all the loose hair off of his skin, but you would've heard the water running and the water heater, and so far you didn't hear a thing. Maybe he was just taking his time. But you knew there were still things he struggled with, triggers that would send his anxiety spiking through the roof. 

After battling yourself with your lip between your teeth, you finally set the rag on the counter and headed up the stairs. You would just knock on the door and see if he's alright. That's all. There's no harm in asking. 

As you got to the top stair, the bathroom door opened revealing Bucky in his black long sleeve shirt and sweats. His beard was only half shaved and he had a sheepish look on his face when he saw you. His face flushed as his mouth opened and closed, trying to find his words before he sighed. 

"Everything okay?" Your whisper seemed to snap him out of his funk as he snapped his mouth closed and cleared his throat, nodding quickly. 

"Yeah, yeah, 'm fine," He mumbled, looking at the floor. He reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, no doubt trying to cool his warm skin. You give him a small 'okay' before going to turn back down the stairs, "Actually -" he starts, getting you to turn back to him, "- I, uh, could use some help. If you're not busy?" He quickly rushes to add the last part and you grin at him. 

"I'm not busy at all," You step towards him, closing the distance until you're right in front of him, "What's going on?" 

"Ah," His face is still flushed, getting redder, if that's even possible, "It's a little more difficult than I thought it would be. This side -" he motions to his right cheek, the cheek that's got significantly shorter hair than the other side "- was easier." You follow him into the large bathroom, seeing the small trash can on the counter with hair sitting inside. Some of it had missed and was spread across the counter top and the clippers you'd gotten him sat off to the side. 

"Do you want me to do it for you? Or did you have another idea?" You asked. You wanted to help, and you were so proud that he'd actually asked instead of just struggling with it for who knows how long it would've taken him, but you didn't want to force your help in a way that made him uncomfortable. 

"Could you do it?" He whispered, picking up the clippers and handing them over, your fingers ghosting over the warm skin of his hand as you grabbed them. 

"Sure," You gave him a reassuring smile, "You're a little tall though. . ." You glanced around the room before your eyes landed on the counter. You moved the trash can over, dusting the loose hairs into the sink and sliding yourself up on the cool marble before putting the trash can in your lap. "There, now I can reach you." He chuckled before stepping in close. 

You clicked the clippers on, slightly startling at how loud they were and you noticed his muscles go taut. Looking up to see him staring straight ahead with his jaw clenched, you ask, "You okay?" He took a shaky breath before answering, his chest vibrating with the effort. 

"Yeah, it's just. . . loud." Your heart panged at the strain in his voice before you reached up and cupped his cheek, forcing him to look down at you. 

"I'll be quick, okay? And then if you wanna be done, we don't need to shave the rest tonight." He nodded and you reached for his hand, "Here," You placed it over the jeans on your leg, "If you want me to stop, just tap okay?" His gaze softened as he nodded again before looking back up. 

You reached up for his cheek, quickly getting to work on the hair there. His face tensed at the sensation of the clippers vibrating against his skin and his hand gently squeezed your leg, but it wasn't a tight grip. Just enough for him to still the shaking of his fingers that you pretended not to notice. 

You made quick work of it and before Bucky knew it, you were turning off the clippers and setting the trash can to your right. "You alright?" Your soft voice calmed his nerves as he nodded. 

"Yeah," He looked down to his hand still on your thigh where he was rubbing his thumb into the denim of your jeans. He didn't even notice he was doing it. "Can you uh, help with the rest?" He glanced up at you to see your easy smile as you nodded with a soft 'of course, Buck' making his heart race. He just hoped you couldn't hear it with how close you were. 

You lathered the shaving cream on your hands before spreading on his cheeks, feeling the stubble scratch your fingertips as you carefully spread it over the top of his lip, careful not to take too much time admiring the dip in his chin and the small point of his cupid's bow. Once you deemed his face covered enough, you rinsed the remaining foam from your hands and grabbed a small towel before opening the package of razors and starting the sink with warm water. You warmed the razor under the warm stream before reaching up and starting on his left cheek, watching as you carefully let it glide over his skin, revealing soft skin underneath. 

You turned to rinse the razor when his voice cut through the comfortable silence, "How are you so good at this?" His voice was soft as he watched you turn back to face him, raising the tool again to reveal another line of clean skin. 

"Well, when dad got sick he struggled shaving on his own. His hands got too shaky, so I learned how to help out," You rinsed it again before reaching for another line, "It took a few times to learn the right amount of pressure to avoid nicking him as much as I could, and soon enough, I was a pro." You offered him a smile but he could see the sadness in your eyes as you recounted the memories. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't -"

"It's okay, Buck," You looked up to him, stroking your free hand along his shoulder before looking back to his chin and continuing, "It's nice to talk about it sometimes. It's nice to have someone to talk about him with. Someone who doesn't already know the stories." 

He sighed at that, watching as you twisted to rinse the razor again, "Tell me more?" Your head whipped around to look at him with wide eyes, "About your dad? I'd like to know more. If you want." You huffed a small laugh before swiping away another stripe of stubble. 

"Well," You took a deep breath, "He raised me right, I think. I definitely was a handful for him, especially when I was a teen. He was constantly catching me coming home late, but he only ever wanted to make sure I got home okay. He was only mad a couple of times." You reached to rinse the razor after carefully gliding it over his lip. "Then he got orders to go overseas. He was a master sergeant, met Steve when they were over in Iraq together. Brought him home for a few months before he went out to find you," You looked at him with a pointed glance and a teasing smile that had him blushing again, but he couldn't tell why. "But when he came home, and I went off to college, he was calling every other day to make sure I was okay. He'd come out to see me on the weekends and I'd show him around the city." 

"Wait, where'd you go to school?" He asked when you turned to rinse the razor. 

"I went to NYU. I was going to get a degree in fine arts, but, honestly, I have no idea what I was going to do with that," You chuckled, "I'd come visit on long weekends when I could get away and we'd go on rides through the trails behind the barn. He took me to my first bar, Hope's bar." Your hands stilled as the memories filled your head, "Then, as you know, he got sick." 

He watched as you tried to finish his other cheek, hands slightly shaking as you bit your lip trying to focus. You took a deep breath before continuing. 

"But, I'm thankful for the time I got with him." You gave him a small smile and he could see the emotion in your eyes as you were trying to hold it together. 

"He sounds like an amazing guy, I wish I could've met him," He muttered before you dampened the rag and wiped at his cheeks, removing the rest of the foam from his face. 

"I do too, he would've liked you," You smiled and pulled the rag away, setting it and the rag to the side before placing your hands on the counter, "There, you look as handsome as you did when you first showed up." His face warmed at that and his hand squeezed your thigh again. 

"Thanks," He muttered before clearing his throat, "and thank you for helping me." 

"Anytime, Buck," Your soft whisper fell from your lips and he couldn't stop himself from glancing down at them. They looked so soft, so welcoming. He wanted to know how soft they were, how amazing they would feel against his skin. He was so distracted that he missed the small glance of your own at his lips. 

He tore his eyes away and took a step back, letting your leg go so you could get down from the counter. 

"Did you need help with anything else?" You asked as you slid down from the cool marble. 

He tried to think of something - anything - to keep you here with him, anything he could ask for help with, but he came up with nothing. He shook his head, "No, I'm good." 

Another smile graced your lips before you nodded and stepped out of the bathroom, stepping over Bruno who was laying in the doorway. He watched you retreat down the stairs and he heard the back door open and close before he let out a heavy breath and looked at himself in the mirror. He hadn't properly done that in awhile, not until today at least. And he definitely hadn't looked at himself since he had only shaved half of his face. But staring at himself in the mirror, seeing his chin and his cheeks that were hidden by hair for two months, it was new. 

You look as handsome as you did when you first showed up. The words were ringing in his head. You thought he was handsome, but how? He couldn't really see it, not with the bags under his eyes and the scars littering his shoulder, though he hadn't shown those to you, yet. But your words wouldn't leave his head. He glanced down, and chuckled at the sight of his cheeks getting pink again. You'd been doing that to him alot lately. Not that he minded. There just hadn't been anyone in his life since before he joined the army who could affect him so easily. He shook his head before cleaning up the mess that had accumulated on the counter and put the clippers and razors away. You'd given him a small basket for his things that sat under the sink next to yours. 

The rest of the day as he helped you check on the horses in the barn and pick up the house, he couldn't get your words out of his head. Or how you looked when you said them. The gentleness in your gaze and the slight pout of your bottom lip before you smiled. He missed the warmth of your hands on his face as you shaved it for him. The warmth from your thighs on either side of his while he stood between them so you could reach him. He wanted to have you close again. But he wasn't going to force anything from you. 

He knew he'd get to have you close when you two sat down for a movie, or maybe that puzzle you wanted to put together. And that was enough for now. 

~~~

There was a knock on the door and your voice filtered through the cracks, "Bucky? You ready?" He took a deep breath before answering. 

"Yeah, I'm comin'." He grabbed his jacket from the foot of the bed and shrugged it on as best he could. You'd taken him to get an outfit for this dinner at Peter's aunts house and he had to admit, you had great taste. You helped him pick out a nice pair of jeans and a new henley, though, you didn't hide your comment on how many of those he owned already. You also picked out a nice fleece sweater and a jacket to keep him warm. The rain storms from earlier in the week had let up a bit but the temperature dropped pretty dramatically and it was cold out. 

He made his way down the stairs and spotted you typing away into your phone and he paused. You looked breathtaking. Your legs were covered in your black leggings and you had on your maroon boots that went up to just below your knees. He spotted the white sweater shirt you picked up when you took him shopping under your overcoat and your flannel scarf. 

He finally resumed his steps down the stairs and saw Bruno waiting by the door. You looked up and smiled when you noticed him. 

"Ready?" He could tell you were excited. You hadn't really gotten out of the house much with the gloomy weather and he still wasn't sure how often you got out before he came along. He just knew you were itching to go somewhere that wasn't the familiar walls of your home. 

"Yeah," he smiled down at you, "Can you just give me a hand buttoning the jacket?" 

You quickly pocketed your phone with a small 'of course' before your hands were flitting over the buttons of his coat, buttoning it so it wouldn't come undone. When it was done, he followed you out to the truck and Bruno took his usual spot in the back seat. 

The drive didn't take long. Turns out Peter and his aunt only lived down the hill and then up the road a few minutes. He followed you to the door of the small house and he could hear music being played on the other side of the door. When you knocked, a chorus of barking sounded through the house and he could hear a woman's voice yelling. 

Peter opened the door with a smile and a flushed face, "Hey, you made it!" He exclaimed before stepping aside and letting the three of you walk in. Bruno took off, joining the other dogs in the living room as you helped him unbutton his jacket, hanging both coats on the hooks. Bucky followed you to the kitchen where Peter joined his aunt in cooking, and he got a glance at the two border collies who were now playing with Bruno in the open living room. He watched as you walked around the island to hug Peter's aunt and turn to him with a smile. 

"May, this is James," You gestured to him and he stepped forward with his hand out. 

"Please, call me Bucky." 

"Oh! I've heard so much about you from Pete!" She stepped forward and wrapped him in a quick hug, careful not to get any food from her hands on his sweater before letting go and turning back to the food on the counter, "I hear you've been giving him quite the dating advice." She looked over her shoulder and winked at him but before he could respond, Peter jumped in. 

"May, stop," He laughed, "He hears enough about it from me." Bucky chuckled at that and stepped over to pat Peter's shoulder. 

"Did you ask her out yet?" He watched as Peter's face turned pink and he ducked his head. 

"No, not yet. I just can never seem to get the words out, and when I try, they come out all jumbled," He laughed at himself as he wiped his hands on the towel before handing the pan of vegetables to his aunt. Bucky looked at you talking with May and couldn't help but understand what Peter was talking about. They were in the same boat, whether Peter knew it or not. 

"You'll get it down, and even if you stumble, she'll understand." He gave the kid a crooked grin before walking back to the other side of the island and taking a seat on one of the barstools. He wished he would follow his own advice, but it's always easier giving it. Following it himself was significantly harder. 

Soon enough, the four of you were all seated at the table with the three dogs all laying on the floor of the doorway, waiting for scraps to be either dropped or tossed in their directions. May and Peter filled most of the conversation, having him tell you both about his science projects for the school and how he was going to apply for MIT when he was ready. Bucky listened as the conversation switched from Peter to May, her telling you about a date she had coming up with a guy named Happy and he cut in. 

"His name is actually Happy?" He asked, quickly swallowing his food so he wasn't spitting everywhere. 

"Oh no," She laughed, "His name is Harold, but everyone in town calls him Happy." She had a light blush on her cheeks as she talked about him and you leaned over to Bucky's side. 

"They've been flirting back and forth for months, I'm surprised he actually asked her out," You whispered with a light giggle to your words that pulled a small laugh from his chest. He looked back to May. 

"So, how do you two know each other? Other than through Peter of course," He asked, taking another bite of his food. 

"Oh, well, I knew her father before she was born and when he left during her senior year in high school, I offered to keep an eye on her when I could," She explained, "Though she was very mature for her age and handled herself pretty well, I would make her dinners every couple days and stop by to check on her." Bucky looked to you to see a gracious smile on your lips.  

"Don't down play it, May," You laughed, "You were like my mother during that time. You stepped up when mom left and I appreciate it." Bucky tried to hide the surprise on his face. He'd assumed she left, but you'd never confirmed it for him. He wanted to know why she left, but he also knew this wasn't the time or place to ask. And he didn't want to push you for things you might not be comfortable sharing yet. 

"Well, honey, it's her loss. You grew up to be an amazing person. I just wish your father were here to join us," May said with a loving look thrown your way. 

"Me too, May," You muttered. He could hear the thickness in your voice and he wanted to ask if you were okay, but he also didn't want to draw any more attention to you if you were trying to hide the wavering in your voice. So instead, he set his fork down and acted as if he was wiping it on the napkin that sat in his lap. He let his hand dust over your left knee and settled there, giving it a small squeeze that had you looking at him with a small smile. He just hoped you appreciated the gesture of him trying to tell you he was there for you. 

You dropped your left hand onto his, squeezing it back, and he knew he'd made the right call. 

When everyone finished with their dinner and the table was cleared, Peter took your pie out of the oven where it had been cooking when Bucky heard a small scratch coming from the front door. His brows knitted together as he watched the door. No one else seemed to hear it so he thought maybe he was imagining things. Until he heard it again. And this time, he saw a small shadow through the tiny crack at the bottom of the door. 

He stood from the table, not noticing your watching eyes as he walked over to the door. Your footsteps filled his ears, but he couldn't take his eyes off of the little shadow, moving back and forth. "You okay?" Your hushed voice came from just behind him and he could tell you were trying not to attract the attention of the other two people in the house. 

"Yeah. . ." He muttered, "Do you see that?" He pointed to the shadow and your gaze followed his finger, your brows pinching to mimic his in confusion. 

"I do," You stepped around him and slowly grabbed the handle, pulling the door open with a light gasp. 

"What is it?" He came to your side so he could see and the tension he didn't even know had gathered in his muscles relaxed. Standing before the both of you was a tiny white kitten, covered in mud and staring up at you with bright blue eyes, it's tiny body shaking from the cold. 

"Hold on, I'm gonna go get a towel," You quickly walked back to the kitchen and he could hear you as you told May and Peter what you found before you returned with a small towel. 

He watched as you leaned down to pick up the small cat and he could immediately hear the small animal start purring when you wrapped it up and held it close. He shut the door as you stepped inside, watching you as you wiped at the little kitten's face, trying to get as much mud off as possible. 

"It's so small," He whispered as he got closer to take a look at it's little face. 

"Poor thing's probably starving," You muttered as you looked at Aunt May when she walked in, "Can we use the bathroom? Get it all clean before we eat?" 

"Sure thing," She smiled at the two of you, Bucky following closely behind as you led the way. 

After getting the cat clean, though it didn't much appreciate the bath, Bucky watched as you checked it over for any injuries, just to find it was indeed incredibly skinny and was a 'she'. 

"You two alright in here?" May's voice came from the open doorway and you looked up at her. 

"We're fine. Little girl here just seems starved, but no blood or scabs." You told her as you towel dried the poor kitten. 

"You two should keep her," She suggested, you went to protest, though Bucky wasn't sure what you were going to say, but she cut you off, "Don't tell me to take her, I've got my hands full with the collies and Peter," She laughed, "I'll cut some pie for us to eat and you two can take off to get her fed and taken care of." She took off down the hall back to the kitchen and Bucky looked back at you. 

"I take it we're keeping her then?" He asked and you looked up with a small smile. 

"Unless you have any objections," You offered, giving him a chance to say no. But he shook his head and reached his hand out for the kitten to sniff before she rubbed up against his fingers, "She likes you." 

He hummed as he continued to rub the little kitten's head before you two made your way out to the kitchen. You handed the kitten off to Bucky, she was small enough to sit comfortably in his one hand as she curled into his warm chest. You gathered your boxed up leftovers and started making trips to the truck, Peter following behind with your pie. After getting Bruno and the food settled in the car, you came back inside to find Bucky waiting at the coat hooks with a blush on his face. 

"What's got you all red?" You teased, putting on your coat before grabbing his and taking the cat before he shrugged the coat on. He took the cat back from you, holding it against his chest as you folded his coat over the small animal. 

"Oh, nothing, don't worry about it," He chuckled, shyly looking down. He couldn't tell you what May told him while you were outside with Peter. At least not yet. 

~~~

You two made it home in one piece, even though the whole ride there, Bruno was trying to get a look at the little kitten wrapped in Bucky's coat. You kept having to gently push him back with your arm while keeping the truck in a straight line. Now, Bucky was sitting with the kitten on the kitchen counter, her little legs wobbling under her as she sniffed around the countertop. You were pulling out little pieces of chicken from dinner and shredding them into tiny bites before putting them on a small plate. You'd have to go get food in the morning since all the stores were closed already, but you didn't want her to starve anymore than she already had. 

You set the plate in front of her and she gave it a wary sniff before scarfing it down. Bucky filled a tiny bowl with some water and set it next to the plate and she went to town on that too. Bucky had been watching her with adoration since you placed her in his hands at May's house and you couldn't stop the warm feeling that flooded your chest at the sight. This large man reduced to doe eyes and small smiles and coos all because of a kitten that fits in his palm. 

You leaned against the counter next to him, placing a hand on his back, "What're you gonna call her?" 

He looked to you with surprise in his eyes as his brows shot up, "I'm naming her?" You laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, you're obviously her favorite, and I can tell you already love her," You reached out to pet behind her ears and she leaned into your hand, "So, what do you think?" He looked back to the kitten who stared up at him with her big eyes. She wandered over to where his hand rested on the counter, rubbing against his skin before curling against it and laying down, nose tucked into her feet. 

"How about Alpine?" His soft voice was right next to your ear as he leaned in, careful not to wake the sleeping cat. He was so close you could feel the timbre of his voice in your chest and his breath on your ear and you had to fight the shiver it sent through your spine. 

"Alpine?" You asked, not turning to face him, scared he'd catch on to the effect he had on you. He didn't need to know that his voice sent chills through your skin and that his warmth had you melting at the knees. 

"Yeah," He muttered, turning to look at you as you side eyed him, "After the Alps in central europe." 

"Oh? Why there?" You asked, just slightly tilting your head to get a better look at him, but he turned back to the cat. 

"That's a story for another time, darlin'," He quietly muttered as he rubbed his thumb along Alpine's fur. You gave him a soft 'okay' before putting the chicken away. 

You wanted to know what he was talking about, what story and what happened. But you also knew that you shouldn't push him. Trauma took time to be comfortable talking about. Your own father never really told you what happened while he was away, and that was okay. You did your best to help him, and you'd do your best to help Bucky too. 

Even if you had to push your growing feelings for him down into the depths of your heart - you'd do it to help him focus on himself, on getting better. 

As always, thank you so much for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are all appreciated! 

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[late-to-the-party-81]

The Show

A/N: Steve's been in a bad mood, and you know fro conversations with Bucky that in times like these he needs a certain type of loving, so you ask him to help you. This is part five of An Artist and an Engineer.

Part Four | Part Six

Find my Masterlist here

Un-beta'd. Divider's by @firefly-graphics. Mood board and banners by me.

Relationship: Steve x Reader (Established), Steve x Bucky (pre-poly), little bit Bucky x Reader (pre-poly)

Word Count: 3k ish

CW: Minor D/S undertones, Anal Sex, Oral sex (M receiving), Spit-roasting, aftercare, pre-poly, threesome, voyerism, exhibitionism, female masturbation, squirting.

“God damnit!”

Steve’s shout resonated through his apartment from his studio, followed by the sound of a canvas being snapped and shredded. You sighed from where you were laying on the sofa, reading through a book.

Steve had been in an almost constant bad mood for the last week. He was suffering from a block with his art and it was aggravating him, leaving him short tempered. You’d tried helping him in a variety of ways, staying away to give him space, and trying to distract him when you were around. Nothing seemed to work, not even going through a heavy scene together. You still carried the weight of the bruises on your ass, a delicious reminder of how he had made you fly. Yes, he had been fine in the moment, as attentive and caring as always, but his good mood had vanished almost as soon as aftercare was over, leaving him tossing and turning in bed for a few hours before he got up and secluded himself back in with his easel and paints.

“It’s not you Cali, I swear” he’d reassured. “My brain just gets so fogged up sometimes and it just makes me so annoyed with myself.”

This latest outburst was the second one of today, and you knew it couldn’t continue any longer; he needed to get out of his head. You picked up your phone and fired off a text. The response was almost immediate and you shifted in your seat as you thought ahead……

Less than an hour later there was a knock at the door. You almost skipped over to it, and as you pulled it open you yanked your visitor into a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re here. If there is anyone who can help him out of this funk it’ll be you.”

Bucky smiled at you, and you could feel your insides melt. The pair of you had already been intimate on a number of occasions, although never quite going all the way. It was a line that wouldn’t be crossed until you were both sure that Steve was okay with it.

And speaking of Steve, another crash echoed through the space, followed by a frustrated cry.

“You go get the bedroom ready, darlin’, pull up a chair nice and close and I’ll bring our boy through.”

You dropped a quick kiss to his lips before rushing off, shedding clothes in your wake, and leaving a giggle in the air. You turned the bedside lights on, pulled back the comforter and retrieved a few items from the drawer. Next you grabbed the arms of the comfy chair that Steve kept in his room and drew it closer to the bed, close enough that you could sit in it and prop your feet up on the mattress.

Steve and Bucky crashed through the door a few moments later, locked in each other’s arms, kissing fiercely. Steve was already missing his t-shirt and the fly of Bucky’s jeans was open. You felt yourself starting to get wet, just from looking at the pair of them. Bucky pulled back from Steve, who chased his lips and let out a small whine.

“Stevie, you need to go and get all washed up for me, hmmmm.”

You chuckled at the sight of your normally domineering boyfriend looking all needy and soft, like a giant Labrador, whilst Bucky shoed him towards the en-suite.

As you settled yourself, only clad in your underwear, in the chair, Bucky turned to look at you.

“Getting comfy there, darlin’?”

“Absolutely.” You grinned and leaned forwards, drawing his eyes to your breasts that were threatening to spill out of your bra.

“Fuck, sweetheart, you trying to distract me?”

“Of course not, Bucky. Just keeping you occupied and revved up whilst you wait.”

He lifted one of his legs over yours where they were propped up, straddling you, and then, resting his hands on the arms of the chair, he bent down to capture your lips in a searing kiss. You’d kissed a few times now and you loved the way that kisses from him were different from Steve. Steve rarely let himself go, there was always an underlying restraint to him. But Bucky was pure, uninhibited passion. And you couldn’t wait to see Steve enthralled by it. Hopefully this would be what he needed to put his current demons to rest.

And speaking of Steve, his deep chuckle had you and Bucky pulling apart, as your boyfriend came out of the bathroom, hair damp, and a small towel around his waist. A small towel that was slightly tented.

“You trying to get my best guy all for yourself, Cali?”

“Of course not, baby. Just keeping him warm for you.”

You placed a light smack on Bucky’s jeans covered ass to send him over to Steve, but before he moved he looked down at you with dark eyes. A look that made you want to whine and press your thighs together. Then he was striding across the room and claiming Steve again with his mouth, enfolding him in his arms. Your boyfriend moaned, looking so very wanton; his hands were fisted into Bucky’s shirt and he looked as though he was trying to crawl inside him. After a few moments Bucky pulled away, spinning them so they were both facing you, Steve’s back to Bucky’s front. Then he unhooked the towel and let it drift to the floor. Steve’s cock stood out hard in front of him, tip flushed and weeping.

“Look at your girl, Stevie. She can’t wait to see you come apart under my touch. She’s already wet at the thought of it. Ain’t you darlin’?”

You smiled at them, something addictive about the glassy look in Steve’s eyes. They were so beautiful together, such raw masculinity, but also softened and tender at the same time. Bucky was running his fingers lightly up and down Steve’s torso, dragging over his pecs and abdominals, making him shiver in anticipation. Or maybe it was those sinful lips trailing over Steve’s shoulder and neck that were causing that reaction. Steve’s eyes fluttered and his head fell back onto Bucky’s shoulder.

“Bucky, please…..”

“Aw, Stevie, so needy. Want me to touch you?” He slid his hands down over Steve’s hips, gripping onto the muscled flesh before moving his left over to wrap around the hard length. He slowly moved his hand up and down, and your own hand travelled down inside of your underwear as you watched. You let out your own moan of pleasure as your fingers moved through your slick folds.

“OK, doll. Time for you to show your sweetheart how good you can be for me.” Without another word, Steve turned in Bucky’s arms, then sank to the floor. He finished undoing Bucky’s half open fly, the jeans dropping to the ground, as Steve, like a man entranced, released Bucky’s cock from the confines of his boxers. He licked his lips, before taking hold of it and starting to run his tongue up it from root to tip. Now it was Bucky’s turn to let out a moan, steadying himself with one hand of Steve’s shoulder and the other on his head.

“Fuck, your mouth Stevie. I bet it’s just as good for her.” You couldn’t help your own indrawn breath as Steve fastened his lips around the mushroom head of Bucky’s thick cock and started to suckle on it. You couldn’t get over how wet you were, and decided you needed to slow down otherwise you’d finish too soon.

Removing your hand from your panties you got up from the chair and walked over to the boys. Steve pulled back and they both looked at you.

“Steve, you need to stop teasing Bucky.” You wrapped your slick covered hand around Bucky’s cock, the first time you had touched it so. “You need to get all the way down to the bottom baby.”

You’d never been this domineering in the bedroom before, but seeing Steve like this seemed to have ignited something within you. You jacked Bucky a few times, liberally smearing your juices on his cock. Then, once you’d let go of it, you placed your hand on the back of Steve’s head and pushed him back towards Bucky.

“Come on, baby. Taste us together.” Your boyfriend didn’t need to be told twice. With his hands gripping his best friend’s thighs, he swallowed him down, Bucky shouting at the sensation and Steve moaning at the taste of you combined with Bucky’s pre-come. He hollowed his cheeks and moved his head, the sounds lewd in the relative silence of the room. Drool was running out of his mouth, running over his chin and Bucky’s sac.

Whilst the two were wrapped up in each other you removed your bra and panties and settled back on the arm chair. You hand went back between your legs, now spread wide, with your feet propped back on the bed. You pressed two fingers inside your cunt, leisurely pumping into yourself, but without any real sense of urgency. But the noises that you made caught Bucky’s attentions. He pulled Steve off his cock, a string of pre-come connecting it to your boyfriend’s lips.

“Our audience is getting restless Stevie. Time for the next act. Up!” He gave Steve a gentle tug on his hair to encourage him to his feet and then, equally gently, pushed him towards the bed.

“Hands and knees, baby, then turn your face towards your Cali.” Steve followed the direction, his body perpendicular to you. His cock was red-tipped and leaking profusely as it pointed heavily towards the sheets. His expression was completely fucked out already. Bucky shuffled up behind him, settling on his knees between Steve’s spread thighs. The snick of the lube bottle opening had some kind of Pavlovian response on Steve, as his breathing picked up so he was almost panting.

Then Bucky was trailing a slick finger up from Steve’s taint to swirl around his tight hole. Steve shivered, and you bit your lip as you watched.

“So, here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna open you up on my fingers, get you all needy and whiny, then I’m gonna fuck you on my cock whilst your girlfriend watches you come apart. If you’re good, and she enjoys herself, I’ll let you come. You understand?”

Steve nodded into the sheets, a breathy “yes” escaping him. Bucky drizzled some more lube right onto Steve’ opening, smearing it with his middle finger before sinking it in to the first knuckle. Of all the noises Steve has made so far, this was by far the most salacious. You palmed one of your breasts as you increased the pace at which you were fingering your pussy. It wasn’t long before Bucky’s finger was sinking all the way in and he added a second. Steve was so lost in the pleasure coursing through him that he was humping back onto the invading digits and you and Bucky looked at each other, the brunet’s face plastered with a shit-eating grin. You saw Bucky twist his wrist and Steve’s shouted, his eyes rolling back into his head and his heavy cock twitching. His friend just chuckled, before adding a third finger.

You knew what was coming, so you pulled your fingers from yourself and grabbed the dildo of Steve’s cock that normally resided on the Sybian. You lubed it up and held it ready. Bucky’s full attention was back on Steve. With his free hand he poured lube onto his own straining cock, and smeared it over the full length. He pulled his fingers from Steve’s ass, and lined himself up. As he sunk the tip in, his head fell back and Steve’s eyes closed. You started to work the dildo into yourself, forcing yourself to match Bucky’s slow progress.

He bottomed out, and both men groaned in pleasure.

“BuckBuckBuck…. oh god…. please…. please.” Your boyfriend was begging and it was such a delicious sound. His friend obliged, pulling back, oh so slowly, building the tension before snapping his hips forwards, causing his thighs to clap against Steve’s ass cheeks.

All three of you moaned this time and you started to fuck yourself with the dildo as Bucky fucked Steve into the mattress. You couldn’t believe how hot it was, watching them together. You’d fantasied about it a lot since that evening you and Bucky had been introduced and Steve had told you about their ‘special’ relationship. You knew that Steve was the only person Bucky didn’t use protection with, and as all three of you had been recently tested, you knew you didn’t need to worry on that score.

You readjusted so you could rub at your clit as you fucked yourself. Fuck, you’d never been this turned on. Steve’s eyes were closed and he was letting out little punched-out moans as Bucky drove into him.

“Steve, open your eyes, doll. Look at your girl. Look at how much you turn her on. Look at her fucking herself and creaming on that dildo, just from watching you take me.” Christ, Bucky had a filthy mouth. But Steve’s baby blues sought out your eyes as asked before his gaze drifted to your core watching your pussy stretch and swallow up his facsimile.

“Oh fuck……..”

God he was barely able to talk. He was actually drooling of his own accord now. You changed the angle of the silicone cock inside you so it rubbed against your g-spot. Your head fell back and your eyes closed, but the image of Steve wrecked in front of you remained in your mind, and the sounds the pair of them were making were really doing it for you. Your moans joined theirs as you drove yourself higher until you were bucking your hips up onto the dildo and screaming your release.

There was a sudden quiet in the room, only punctuated by three sets of lungs breathing hard. You opened your eyes to find both Steve and Bucky staring at you.

“Well look at that, Stevie. Your girl squirted.” You looked down and saw the damp splatters trailing from where you were sat over onto Steve’s side, where creamy drops were running down his skin.

“Guess that means she did enjoy herself. Which means, you get to come, doll. You want that?” Bucky rotated his hips as he spoke.

“Yes… god... please… Buck. Want to come.”

“Hey, darlin’, care to help?” You nodded through your daze. “Well come on up here.” God, his grin.

You pulled the dildo out of your messy cunt and climbed up next to Steve’s head.

“Open up Steve, gonna help Bucky stuff you full.”

He looked at you, eyes lustful, as he opened his mouth and allowed you to slide the toy inside. You pumped it in and out, a hand on his head holding him steady.

“Come on, clean it off for me. You’re the one who made me mess it up.”

As Steve got lost in your dominance of him, that’s when Bucky started moving again. You matched your speeds, taking it in turn to fuck Steve back and forth between you. And you were hypnotised by it.

“Fuck, Bucky. Is he like this every time?”

“Every time I fuck him? Pretty much. Aaaah fuck, he’s almost there. Can feel him gripping me. Christ, I think he’s getting off on us talking about him.”

Bucky moved his left hand from Steve’s hip and grasped his hair, bring his head up, the dildo still in his mouth. “Is that it, slut? Like just being an object for us to use? Jeez, I felt that, you do!”

Bucky picked up his pace, losing his own control now, so you kept the dildo still, the brunet making all the movement necessary for the three of you.

“Come on Stevie, give it up for me, come on doll, want you to come on our cocks, that’s it. Help him along darlin’, yeah jack his dick, aah fuck, you feel so good.”

Bucky came with a shout, his head thrown back and his hips jerking as he spilt inside Steve. This seems to tip the blond over his own edge. A high-pitched whine came from him as he trembled between the two of you, his cock shooting ropes of come across the bed and your hand. The dildo fell from his lips and you let it roll off the bed onto the floor as Steve collapsed forward and Bucky rolled to the side, both panting hard. You stroked Steve’s hair, as Bucky pulled him into a hug from behind.

After a few moments, you rose and went to the bathroom. You gave yourself a quick clean with a washcloth, then dampening two more, moved back to the bedroom and passed one to Bucky. You wiped Steve’s face gently, removing the remains of your release and his own saliva, before carefully cleaning up his abdomen and groin. Bucky cleaned both himself and Steve’s ass, before collapsing back down.

You returned the soiled cloths to the bathroom and by the time you came back through, Steve was already soundly asleep. You stopped by Bucky, and bent down to give him a lingering kiss.

“Thank you for being here.”

“Any time darlin’. I’m always available for my best guy and his gal. You’re pretty special, you know that? Not many women would be happy to share their man.”

“Aahh, but he needs both of us, I think?”

“And what about you, sweetheart?” His voice was almost a whisper, a hint of something like worry in his voice.

“Oh, Buck, yeah, I’m starting to think I need both of you too. Let me sleep on it with my two guys, okay?”

“Okay, yeah, I can get behind that.” His eyes were almost closed now, and you brushed a lock of his hair off his face and pressed a second, but chaste, kiss to his forehead. You walked around the bed, thankful that Steve had a California king, and climbed in beside him, where he lay peacefully between you and his best friend.

[flareish]

Anxiety

kuroo x reader

summary: you hide your anxiety from basically everyone including your boyfriend, until he finds out for himself

genre: hurt/comfort

warnings: Emetophobia Warning! description of nausea/vomit, anxiety, bit of angst but ends in fluff

word count: 2.0k

a/n: I tried to make this as close to my anxiety since I hadn’t known anyone with my kind of anxiety(symptom wise) until I was seventeen, which was a good ways into when I realized I had anxiety. So here is some nausea anxiety representation!

masterlist

You tap your fingers in a mindless rhythm. Alternating the fingers and repeating them back and forth, trying to make it a game, a challenge. You did this over and over again to distract yourself from that all too familiar sinking feeling. That feeling like your stomach has managed to twist and knot itself a million times. Each bump of the bus made acid crawl up your throat. You crunched a mint in your mouth hoping the peppermint would soothe some of the nausea. It didn’t, but the thought was there. You just will yourself not to throw up on the bus, anything but that. The thought in itself makes you even more nervous, and in turn even sicker.

You don’t even know why you are anxious. Today is Kuroo’s big game, but it isn’t yours. You’ve been to a hundred of his games before but never before did you feel like this. Normally you get cute little butterflies, not an angry swarm of bees. The worst part is, there is Kuroo sat next to you happy as can be, completely oblivious. He keeps trying to drag you into conversations but you fear if you open your mouth for too long, all that will come up is vomit. So you keep your mouth firmly closed only smiling tightly or shaking your head at his prompts.

It's not exactly his fault though. He doesn’t actually know you have anxiety. It’s not something you really like to talk about. You are all for promoting the acceptance of mental health but you just find every time you tell someone the dynamic changes. Either they flat out don’t believe you since you “don’t seem like the type with anxiety”. Well duh, I don’t have social anxiety, I have situational anxiety. Like here in this situation. That or they suddenly treat me like I am incapable of handling myself. That whenever a slightly stressful event comes up, I am going to melt into a puddle of pure anxiety. Sorry but I’ve made it this far, I may have to throw up a few times on the way but I am still making it. 

So you just haven’t told Kuroo. You're just nervous that it will change the dynamic. You also don’t want to steal his spotlight. Today is supposed to be all about him. It's his big game. To suddenly speak up and tell him that his game is giving you anxiety would be selfish. So like you always have, you put a brave face on and face it head-on.

“Hey, are you okay?” Kuroo asks you, now facing you, “You look a little pale.”

“Hmm?,” You also turn to look at him, “Oh I am just a bit tired that’s all. I will be fine in an hour or so.” You hope at least. He nods relieved it's not something worse. 

You finally pull into the stadium and everyone is pushing their way off the bus. Luckily Kuroo is right by you to make sure you don't get accidentally pushed down the bus stairs and trampled. The team makes it’s to the bulletin board where they are given their matchups. Nekoma is paired with a pretty hard team. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you dry heave. You knew at the point you were going to throw up and within the next few minutes. 

“Hey I think I left something in the bus I’ll be right back.” You say to Kuroo before dashing off. He goes to reply but you are already gone. 

You make it around the back of the building before you throw up. At this point you’re kinda out of it, your mind is occupied on emptying your already empty stomach. Then you feel someone pull your hair back and gently rub your back. You don’t even have to look up to know it’s Kuroo. When you finish he hands you his water bottle.  You waterfall it and rinse your mouth out of that acidic taste. 

“What’s going on are you okay?” Kuroo asks full of concern. You hesitate for a moment, thinking of telling the truth. Then you remember this is supposed to be his day. 

“Sorry I must have caught a stomach bug.” He doesn’t completely buy it so you quickly add to it.

“I didn't feel great on the bus but I just thought it was because I was tired.” You feel bad lying, “I also don’t want to distract you before your game.” At that Kuroo quickly pulls you into a hug, “Your not a distraction, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” Your cheek is pressed against his chest and your hands grip the front of his shirt. 

“We should probably head back.” You mumble.

“Yeah.” He leans down to kiss you but you duck away. He looks incredibly offended and hurt at this.

“Dude I just threw up I don’t know if you want to do that.” 

“…Point.”

The two of you head back inside to the team, you feeling much better after throwing up. Before you know it, the competition has begun and Nekoma has won. You run down and celebrate with the team and it’s a happy day.

On the bus ride home Kuroo has a strange energy about him. Not like he’s mad more just like he’s just realized something. You nudge him and smile hoping to break him out of his little funk. He immediately smiles back and goes back to celebrating with the team. His reaction was almost like putting a mask on. You watch him for a moment before slipping into a conversation of your own.

When you make it back to school you go your separate ways. Him going to shower, and you to get home before it gets too late. A big hug before pushing away. You still refusing to kiss him after throwing up earlier in the day. 

You are laying on your bed, exhausted. Anxiety really takes a toll on your energy. Your thoughts are broken when your phone chimes with a text.  Leaning over to grab your phone off your bedside table you see it is from Kuroo. 

“Can you come over? I want to talk.”

No cute pet names. No slowly easing into it. Actually using proper grammar. Nothing in that message was a good sign. Just “I want to talk” was enough to make the acid begin to crawl again. You knew it had to be about today. Especially after you saw him zoning out on the bus. It had to be your anxiety episode. You knew he wouldn’t be happy you lied but going to this extent. Like he just found out you have anxiety and this is what he hits you with? The world’s most nerve-wracking text message. The only worse place than this would be “we need to talk”. That’s when you have really screwed up. So maybe you’ve only minorly screwed up since he said want not need. Does that mean you have the choice to say no? That was kind of tempting but you knew you would be tossing and turning all night thinking about what might be wrong. 

“Okay.” You reply to the text. Short and sweet. Putting on some shoes and grabbing a hoodie, you quietly slip out of your house. Kuroo’s house wasn’t too far but it was far enough. Enough to continue to stir in your intrusive and unstoppable thoughts. You eventually make it to his house and head in going straight for his room. Before you reach the door you hesitate and gather yourself. Preparing for whatever was about to come. 

When you go in you find Kuroo sat on the floor of his bedroom, back pressed against the bed. He jerkily looks up and you and gives you a tight smile. None of this is giving good signs. Something is very heavy on his mind. You sit down across from him, your back against the wall your feet almost touching. 

“So what was it you wanting to talk about.” You break the silence. He doesn’t respond for a moment. Just as you are about to try again he speaks up.

“Do you still love me?” Your face drops into confusion.

“Why wouldn’t I love you anymore?” You ask, suddenly realizing this wasn’t the conversation you were prepping yourself for. 

“You’ve been distant lately. You don’t tell me things like when you don’t feel good. I thought about it when I got home and I was wondering if you weren’t actually sick but just making the excuse because you got caught.” He’s very serious at the moment and his words hold a cold edge. 

“What do you mean get caught?” You match his tone. You weren’t planning on fighting but something about how he said it just set something off in you.

“You didn’t want to be there. Ever since this morning you were quiet and reserved. Even after the game, you wouldn’t even kiss me-”

“Yeah, cause I threw up! And how could I be faking it when I literally threw up.” You snap.

“You’ve been like this before though! Like last year’s big tournament you would barely talk to me.”

“That’s not true!” Although it kind of was just not the reason he thought.

“Oh yeah? What about at training camp you wouldn’t talk to me then either, you didn’t even eat with us you just sat on your own.” He threw back.

“Yeah, cause I have anxiety!” The words left your mouth before you knew it. Kuroo looked taken back.

“What?” His brow furrows, “Since when?” He’s not sure what to believe. You’re not surprised since you have worked very hard to hide it from everyone, accidentally sabotaging your own relationship without even knowing it. 

“Since forever. I just never told anyone.” You quietly say, ducking your head down.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You didn’t even need to look up to see the hurt on his face, it was apparent in his voice. You start playing with your finger, tapping them in rhythms.

“I wanted to,” You mumble, “But whenever I do stuff changes and I didn’t want anything to change.” He shifts forward and you think he’s going to leave. Instead, he grabs your hands, stopping the pattern you had going. You look up.

“Did you think I would judge you?” He was staring straight into you, willing the truth to come out.

“Whenever I tell people they either don’t believe me and brush it off or treat me like I’m incapable of handling any amount of stress. I’ve never seen anyone react any differently so I was scared you would fall into one of those reactions and I didn’t know how I could handle that. I didn’t want my anxiety to be the thing to tear us apart. But I guess it still was.” By the end of your speech, your gaze has returned back to the floor, unable to hold eye contact for that long with him staring at you so strongly. You hear him sigh then you are pulled forward and into his arms. 

“I want to be your pillar of support. I want to be that third reaction that is one of acceptance, one that doesn’t drive you crazy.” He strokes your hair soothingly, his words making you tear up, “When you are ready I want you to tell me everything. From when you first noticed it, to where it is now, to how you deal with it, everything.” By now you are fully crying, absolutely collapsed into his chest. “I love you so much.” It gets muffled in his shirt but he hears it.

“I know, and I love you.”

It would take some time for Kuroo to get used to this change but slowly but surely he will be different from the rest and he will support you no matter what. Although he also respects your strength and knows you can handle your anxiety on your own, he is always there when you need it. He becomes the third unexpected and unheard-of reaction; acceptance.

[karimac]

And where have you been, they asked me...

Or maybe not! You never know!

It's been a little bit since I sat down to put out a few positive words to those looking for them here on Tumblr. I haven't exactly felt in the best place to give a pep talk to anyone. Heck, I am not so sure I should be doing it now.

Compared to a lot of folks wandering Tumblr's cyber hallways at this moment, I really should not be doing the old "where the hell is my life going now?" monologue.

A) I am older than most who pound the keyboard here. I should be waaaay past this.

B) My family life is more or less stable. Not perfect, but not a train wreck at the moment.

Then why am I feeling like the rug got pulled out from under me? Because the one thing I always thought I could count on got dinged when I least expected it, and it sucks. Trusts need to be repaired, and that can take a damned long time for all those involved. It is a two-way street, even when you are the one who got shocked. Not too many people explain that when you are younger. Wish they had.

There are also health concerns for family members not under my roof, and that has been a weight I wish could be lifted. Those directly affected do not deserve this pain. I wish I could fix what is broken, but I can't.

So, why in the world am I bringing this all up? To "hear" myself chatter like a magpie? Not exactly.

A) Because it is affecting my writing. And I am betting many of you feel that way sometimes, too, when things go off the rails. Maybe the OCs aren't speaking to you, or their canon counterparts are suddenly lost in a fog of broken thoughts and shattered images? I can relate, and I hope they start rallying around you and help get you back on your feet in whatever form that takes.

B) Because you might be expecting way too much of yourself, too. I had to make myself sit down at the computer and not automatically log in for work. I get this very weird notion that when I'm in a funk, it is best if I just do the paying gig. No one would care anyway, right? No, because that little voice in the back of my head cares, and it is telling me to not be so dramatic/ridiculous/abusive to myself right now. Yeah, this constant feeling that I am only good if I am working can border on abuse of self.

So, for this day/night, I hope that you, too, can take a moment to breathe, a few minutes to look at what you have accomplished (be it writing, artwork, graphics of whatever sort you do, music or whatever you needed to do today that you got done) and smile.

You are doing your best. Remember that. I'll try to do the same.

[bangtanloverboys]

kitten fever // myg

summary - min yoongi wants to be a daddy, but not in the way that you quite expect

pairing - cat hybrid!yoongi x gender neutral!reader

genre - fluff; hybrid au, established relationship au

word count - 7.5k

warning - yoongi being an absolute softie, hinted hybrid discrimination, YOONGI WITH A KITTY, yoongi and yn being domestic, KITTENS, overwhelming love for kittens, yoongi calling himself daddy

author’s note - this is for the bts ghostie dynamite dads event “new dad yoongi”, but make it new cat dad. i snuggled my kitties a lot writing this bc i love them and they are my inspiration for this. anything cat related on my blog is inspired by my own cats, enjoy. i may post a baby photo of one of them bc that’s how i imagine the kitty in this 

2:54 am read the small digital clock in the corner of the room. Yoongi couldn’t sleep. He turned his head over to you, still curled up into his side. Pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, he gently peeled your arm off of him and got out of bed. You let out a soft whine at the loss of his warmth, patting the empty space in a sleepy attempt to find him. He shook his head and chuckled at you, placing another kiss to your head and made his way over to the desk. Seating himself in the wheelie chair, he opened the laptop and typed away into the search bar. 

‘Newborn Kittens’.

He honestly wasn’t sure what was going through his head, but he was feeling something deep down inside. The feeling started sometime a little after you had adopted him and it had only grown stronger when the two of you had gotten together. Originally he thought that was the feeling, the need to be with you. You were his mate and you were it for him; he loved you with every little fiber in his being. But there was still something missing in Yoongi’s heart, and that is what it was.

He really wanted to be a dad. 

Not for like human babies though, no. He didn’t think that either of you were ready for that yet, not for a while. But he really wanted to care and love for something as his own, which has slowly led him down the rabbit hole of kitten videos. Volume set to low, he played videos and listened to the small innocent newborns cry and whine at the new world they were in. The cries resonated deep in Yoongi’s heart. He wanted to care for, guide, and love on a kitten so badly. The only thing is he had to convince you about it. 

After about an hour of him watching and holding back tears over the newborns, he let out a yawn. He exited the tab and cleared the browsing history, an extra precaution he’d taken to make sure you accidentally stumble across it. He didn’t know why he was so nervous about asking you, maybe it’s cause you never talked about having another pet or an actual animal? He vaguely remembered you mentioning the reason you got a hybrid in the first place. You wanted someone to talk to and to keep you in check, which Yoongi thought he did a pretty good job of. You were a bit of an idiot sometimes, but you were his idiot now. His idiot that he had no idea how to tell he wanted to have a baby kitten. 

He quietly tiptoed back over to the bed and carefully slotted himself to lay next to you, once again. You sleepily register the bed dipping next to you, turning over and wrapping your arms back around him; holding him even tighter so he can’t leave you again. He let out a low chuckle at your action, letting you mold yourself against him. With another kiss to the top of your head, Yoongi let his eyes slowly fall shut. Dreaming of the kittens he wanted so badly. 

You woke up earlier than Yoongi the following morning, which was strange, seeing how normally he’s the first to rise. As of lately though, he’s been sleeping in more. You didn’t mind, the past few times he slept in, he had the warmest smile on his face. It was so blissful and it always pulled at your heartstrings to see him look so soft. But whenever he woke up, he acted distant. Like he was holding his breath around you. You don’t know what led him to start acting like this, you tried talking to him about it, you really did. Everytime you brought it up, he acted like it was nothing and dismissed the issue or said he was in a funk. So you’ve taken a back seat, waiting for him to either truly tell you what’s going on or for him to pull himself out of his self-proclaimed funk. With a small sigh passing your lips, you kissed his cheek and gave one of his little ears a scratch, you pulled yourself out of bed to get started on your morning routine. 

With a yawn, you padded down the hallway of your small apartment towards the kitchen. Glancing at the calendar pinned to the fridge, you let out a low groan. Today, you had a lot of paperwork that you could thankfully do at home, but that didn’t help the fact you just wanted a lazy day to cuddle with your boyfriend. But you have work to do, then you can cuddle Yoongi to your heart's content. Quickly, you fashioned a breakfast milkshake; consisting of your last banana, an egg, milk, and some chocolate sauce. The roar of the blender must’ve woken up Yoongi, as soon as you turned it off, you heard his heavy footsteps get closer and closer. You don’t turn to look behind you as two arms and a tail wrap around your waist. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” You smiled as he buried his head into your neck. 

“Morning,” he grumbled, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. 

You stop from finishing your shake to lean into him, nuzzling your cheek against his messy dark hair. “You sleep alright? I thought I felt you get up in the middle of the night.”

“I’m good, just. . . had trouble sleeping last night,” You felt him shift behind you, readjusting himself so his chin is now resting on your shoulder, watching you finish making your shake, “decided to have a wikipedia deep dive to try and bore myself to sleep.”

“Aw, I’m glad you were able to get some sleep though.” You said as you pulled out a metal straw from your utensil drawer into your finished banana-chocolate milkshake. However, Yoongi doesn’t loosen his grip on you. Carefully, you manage to twist yourself around in his arms to look at him. His face is still puffy from sleep, his eyes are blinking lazily as you give him a chaste kiss. “Sleepy kitty.” Upon saying that phrase, you felt Yoongi’s arms stiffen around you. It was only for a moment, then he relaxed and nuzzled his nose to brush against your cheek before letting his arms slip from around you. You don’t let the way Yoongi tensed up at your words, but elect not to bring it up. It’s too early.  

“What do you have planned for today?” Yoongi asked, stifling a yawn as he went to make himself some coffee. 

“Just paperwork,” you huffed as you siphoned through the utensils to find your precious metal straw. “You got anything? Besides taking a cat nap.” You smiled as you took a sip of your shake. 

Yoongi shook his head as he concentrated on his coffee making task, “I got nothing.”

“Maybe when I’m done, we can watch a movie?” You suggested, as you leaned against the countertop. 

“Mm, sounds good.” He responded as he mixed in his coffee creamer. Satisfied with his stirring, he turned back to face you. “There’s a few things I’ve found that I think you might like”, he said as he brought the mug to his lips. 

The small conversation fell and the two of you got started on your routines. You handed Yoongi your glass for him to clean then went to your bathroom to start the day. You couldn’t get over how he froze around you at the little nickname you bestowed on him. Sleepy kitty. Did he not like that? He never had any objections to your pet names previous to this. You couldn’t just chalk it up to it being one of his ‘moods’ because this was a constant thing now. You needed to talk to him, maybe before the movie.

Yoongi on the other hand, felt like banging his head into a wall. How could he be so stupid to have such a blatant reaction to the pet name?! He supposes it has everything to do with the dream he had after he had finally fallen asleep after an hour long cat video binge at such an ungodly hour. He had dreamt of a small tabby kitten, probably no more than 4 weeks old. It was snuggling into his shoulder while he slept, swiping at his tail while he sat and worked, nibbling on his ears- God even just reminiscing about the dream had his heart aching again. 

Shaking his head, tried to push past the consuming thoughts of kittens, refusing to give into his instincts. He focused all his energy into cleaning the dishes; totally not imagining the small cup he was washing as a small kitten, scrubbing it delicately and making sure not to go too hard on it’s small fragile head-

Yoongi dropped the cup in the sink, the plastic banging against the other dishes ringing in his ears as he held his head. He was going to lose it, he knows it. To his concern there’s only one solution to this issue: get a kitten and take care of it. Digging the heels of his palm into his eyes, he let out a deep sigh. There was no other choice he had, he had to talk to you about his kitten fever. 

Finishing up the last of what was in the sink, he dried off his hands and made his way back over to the room. You had already gotten to work, judging by how you barely acknowledged him as he walked in. Walking over to the bed, Yoongi stretched himself over the messed up covers. This was how the two of you did spend most of your days when you were allowed to work from home; with him laying down and watching you work. Resting his cheek on his folded arms, Yoongi kept his eyes on you. Trying his damndest not to let his mind wander from you and to imagining you working with a small kitten on your lap. Your hand caressing its small body while it meows loudly at you as you play with it- He let out a groan, burying his face in his arms to try and escape the mental image he created. 

Hearing him, you turn in your chair to face him, “Yoongi, are you okay?”

Peeking from behind his elbows, concern is written all over your face. He shut his eyes and sat up, “Y/N. . . Can I talk to you?” Your brows furrowed together, a look of panic dashes through your eyes as you nod. Taking a deep breath, he stood up from where he sat and walked over to your desk, leaning against it. “I-,” he started, “I want kittens.”

His admission out in the air, he closed his eyes, fearing your reaction. But no sound of rejection came from you. Opening one eye to peep at you, you were confused. Yoongi could also see the gears turning in your head as you thought of something, anything to respond to him.

“Yoongi, I-I don’t think we’re-”

“Not like that!” He stopped you, seeing how you didn’t quite understand what he was talking about. “I mean like, actual kittens. . . Cats. . .” He explained.

Your mouth parted, “Oooh.” The dots connected, Yoongi’s sudden mood changes started to make sense; especially this morning’s when you called him kitty. All this because he wanted to father kittens? “How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Hmm?”

“How long have you wanted kittens, Yoongi?” You questioned.

Bashfully, he looked to his feet, “I don’t know. . . Since we got together, I suppose?”

Your eyebrows shot up into your hairline, “That long?! Why haven’t you told me, baby?” You went to grab his hands, holding them in yours.

“You never said anything about wanting kids, animal or not so I just. . . didn’t say anything.” He responded, keeping his eyes on your interlocked hands. 

“Yoongi, look at me.” He raised his head to meet your gaze, “Human babies I never really thought much on, but kittens? I love kittens so much, of course I’d want to have them with you.”

“Really?” He felt like his eyes were going to pop right out of their sockets “You mean it? I can-We can get a kitten? A baby?” Yoongi couldn’t believe his ears; his vision started to blur as tears welled up in them. The blurry outline of you nodded as you stood, pulling him into a hug as the happy tears fell from his face. 

You cooed at him as you wrapped your arms around his neck, his face burying itself in your neck. “Aww, we can definitely get a kitten. I think having one might be a wonderful little addition to our family, don’t you think?” Yoongi only cried harder in response. You stroked the hairs at the back of his neck, soothing him from his happy tears. “I’ll take that as a yes, I’ll get all my work done today and tomorrow we can go to a shelter and adopt. Okay?” With a nod of his head and a couple sniffles, he pulled away from the hug. You moved your hand to lay it on his cheek, wiping away the remaining tears from his cheeks. “Let me finish this up okay? You do research on some kitten supplies and shelters nearby?”

With that, Yoongi immediately got to work on researching products (within your established budget) and found a shelter a few blocks away from your apartment building. You thanked whatever deity that was watching over you that allowed your apartment to put in a notice for a new pet so last minute. Normally you’d have no qualms about waiting a few days, but the way Yoongi had been keeping this to himself, you didn’t want him to wait any longer. He deserved to be a proud father of a little fur baby. 

All night long, you could feel Yoongi’s excitement radiate from him as he tossed and turned in the bed all night. You could hear him even giggle to himself, whispering how he’s going to be a dad. The words squeezed your heart as you turned to wrap your arms around him, partially to keep him still but also because you were happy that he was so happy about this step for the both of you. Maybe him a little more than you though.

You woke up to an empty bed, you patted around Yoongi’s side, noting it was cold. You were puzzled for a moment, wondering where he might be when the smell of bacon flooded your nose. You let out a light chuckle as you got out of bed, and shuffled down the hallway to see Yoongi in the kitchen, buzzing as he cooked breakfast. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d mistake you for a dog hybrid for being this excited.” You chuckled as you sat down at the table. He narrowed his eyes at you before returning to cooking. Normally Yoongi never went all out with breakfast unless it was a special occasion, you suppose that today might as well be a special occasion, it being the day he finally gets to become a dad. “Did you get any sleep?” You asked as he put some bacon and toast on a couple plates. 

“Enough,” he answered, placing a plate in front of you on the table. You rolled your eyes at his response, you should’ve figured he didn’t get much; but at least he got some of it. “Gotta get used to not sleeping all throughout the night.”

“Yoongi, it’s a kitten. Not an actual baby.” You chortled as you took a bite of bacon, “It’s not gonna wake us up in the middle of the night crying.”

“Yeah, but kittens in a new environment often are excited and don’t sleep much the first night or so.” He responded as he sat down in front of you, “While I’m not a full cat, you should remember how restless I was when you first got me.”

You do remember. He stayed up all night the first few days, getting a feel of your apartment; sniffing around and making some noise, but after that he started to settle in and get comfortable in his new home. “Yes, but cats don’t whine every few hours to be fed.”

“Touche,” he bowed his head in defeat before going to take a bite out of his toast. 

You watched him as he ate, nibbling a bit on your breakfast as you did. As you continued to eat, you noticed he was getting more and more fidgety. Figuring how he wasn’t very upfront with you about getting a kitten, he was waiting on your word to get ready to find a shelter. You smirked a bit as you took a few more bites of your toast before pushing your plate away. “Alright, ready to go?” Before you even finished, Yoongi jumped from his seat and kissed your cheek. You barked out a laugh as your hybrid dashed down the hallways towards the bedroom in a blur of black and white. 

Deciding to take it upon yourself, you cleared the table, seeing how Yoongi was too excited to focus on anything else. You shook your head as you picked up his abandoned breakfast on the table; if he was too excited to sleep, you should’ve figured he’d be too excited to eat. Better make sure the second that kitten crosses the threshold of your apartment that you feed him before he forgets completely to eat. As you finished up in the kitchen, said hybrid came back, “What are you doing?! Why aren’t you getting dressed?!” He exasperated at you, still dressed in pajamas, while he was all nicely dressed. 

“I’m sorry that I want to make a nice impression on the newcomer, when they arrive.” You chuckled as you walked up to him, ruffling his hair. “I’ll get dressed. You finish up here.” In a flash, he was at the sink, furiously scrubbing the pans and plates. You laughed at him again, you wonder how he’s going to react when you tell him that you’re not even gonna stop at the shelter first, seeing how you should get the products first before the kitten steps it’s paws in the apartment. No matter how eager Yoongi was, you needed a litter box first. Kitten second. 

Once you’re dressed and down the hall, your overly eager feline partner was frantically checking himself in the hallway mirror. Letting out a chuckle as he made his hair and ears look as neat as possible. You held up your keys, the jingling catching his attention, he beamed as you moved to put your shoes on and get out of the door.

“What kind should we get? I looked at some of the ones at the shelter and there’s this pretty ragdoll, she’s all white and fluffy- Ooh! There’s this siamese kitten that just had the most beautiful eyes-”

“Yoongi,” you cut off his rambling as you approached your car. “I love you, I really do and I’m excited that you’re excited. But don’t overthink it, let’s just go to the shelter first and see who speaks out to you more. Okay?” 

You watched as he bashfully scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry.” He chuckled nervously.

“Don’t apologize, baby. Now come on, we gotta get going.” You hopped in the car, Yoongi followed behind you, climbing into the backseat. The two of you sit in silence as you drive off, your hybrid humming happily as he stared out the window. It’s only when you pull up to the pet store does Yoongi let out a low groan. 

“This isn’t the shelter!”

You grabbed his hand as he pouted his lips at you, “I know. But we need litter, food, and toys. I don’t want to forget that on the way home.” You pressed a kiss to his knuckles as he dropped his pout. 

“Fine,” he sighed as he unbuckled and got out, clearly unhappy with the decision, but realizing it was the right one either way. 

“You’re acting more like a moody teen than a father to be, you sure you’re ready?” You raised a brow at him, which quickly had him standing up straighter.

“Yes, I am.” He gave a firm nod as he spoke, “Now come on, the fast we get the supplies, the faster we can get the baby.” He took your hand in his and led you into the store. 

You let Yoongi take the lead pushing the cart through the aisles as you searched for the supplies you needed. You could feel stares from other customers as Yoongi was looking at the different types of kitten litter and which one would be best. You felt like they were judging you for bringing your hybrid to the pet store, like you were going to make him actually use the items that were meant for his animal counterpart. 

“Can I help you with anything?” You both turned your head to see a young woman in a blue vest standing there, a confused expression on her face. 

“Actually yes, what brand of litter would you recommend? I’ve read all the reviews but, I’m curious about your opinion?” Yoongi rambled off as he stood, walking to get closer to the employee. “We’re going to adopt a kitten later today and this is both of our first times owning a cat.”

“Oh!” The employee's eyes widened and nodded, now understanding the situation instead of assuming the worst. “Well what age are you looking to adopt?”

“Not sure, I was thinking maybe four to six weeks?” He said as the worker’s eyes examined the wall of litter in front of her. 

“Hmm,” she stepped down and pulled out a medium sized pink box. “This brand is what I’ve seen the best reviews on, anyone with a kitten seems to like it before going on to other litter.” She handed it over to Yoongi, who was bowing his head as he accepted the box. 

“Thank you very much!” He replied, gracious for the help. 

“No problem, anything else I can help you with?” She responded with a grin of her own as she looked between the two of you. 

Yoongi glanced over his shoulder to you, waiting to see if you needed anything at all. You shook your head, “No. Thank you for the offer though, I think we got it.”

Yoongi thanked the employee again before turning to put the box of litter in the cart. “Got litter, got the litter box, food, what else?”

“Toys and a collar?” You noticed that was something lacking from your growing collection of cat necessities. Looking up to Yoongi, you see him with his lips pursed in thought as he stared down into the cart. “Something wrong with that?”

“Toys no,” he said, moving to push the cart forward towards the cat toy aisle. “Collar, I don’t know. I mean, it’s going to be indoors anyways. Does it even really need it?” 

He did have a point, a collar was to ensure that if it got lost you’ll be contacted as soon as it’s found. But considering how it is going to be inside all the time, and with Yoongi always around too, did you really need it? “You’re right, but we don’t know. Why don’t we skip the collar today, and get it when we know for sure. Does that sound good?”

You followed close behind him as he turned into the next aisle, thinking of what you said. “Yeah, sounds good. Just don’t want to make any unnecessary purchases.” You stopped in front of a small wall of colorful toys and stretching posts. Your eyes shifted towards him as he closely examined each and every toy in front of him. “There a limit on how many toys we can get?”

“Let’s start with three,” you laughed lightly as you moved to stand beside him, looking over the different options. “We do need a scratching post, so let’s get this one,” you move to grab a long cardboard scratcher and put it in the cart, “because we don’t need the little baby scratching up the furniture.”

“No we do not,” Yoongi returned with a chuckle, reaching out to grab a small pack of toys in the shape of mice. “These look fun.” 

“What are you gonna play with it too?” You elbowed him gently as he tossed them into the wagon. 

“I just might.” He teased as his attention went back to the wall of toys, he reached forward and grabbed a small plush octopus. He gave it a little shake and it chimed, his eyes immediately lit right up and placed it right next to the other toys. 

“I’m beginning to think those toys are for you more than the kitten,” you joked as Yoongi moved to push the cart out of the aisle and towards check out. He scrunched his nose up at you but didn’t deny your statement. 

Once at the check out, Yoongi put all the items up on the conveyor belt while you went up to the cashier, who was eyeing Yoongi carefully as he checked out each item.Not liking the way he was looking at your hybrid, you cleared your throat, directing his attention back to you. You knew there was still some judgement towards hybrids being out and about in public, but that shouldn’t matter because he was with you. His owner. 

“Did you find everything alright?” The cashier huffed as he bagged your items, going over the register to double check that he scanned everything. 

“Yup!” You gave him a tight smile, not wanting him to give away your displeasure at his behavior. You just wanted out of this pet store now. Yoongi, on the other hand, must’ve sensed your uneasiness and in an instant he stood right next to you, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. Letting out a shaking breath, you returned his squeeze before finishing up your purchase. It certainly was a small hit to your bank account but this was worth it, it was for Yoongi. 

You both gave a quick thank you to the worker before you made your leave, cart full of brand new kitten supplies. As you were loading up the car, Yoongi placed a hand on your shoulder. “You okay?”

“I didn’t like those eyes on us, on you.” You muttered as you shut the trunk closed. 

“Y/N look at me,” he placed his hand on your cheek. “It’s alright, I can deal with a couple of staring strangers. But you’re with me that’s all that matters.” He smiled as his thumb caressed your cheek.

You stood there for a moment, letting him sooth your anxieties before you pulled away. “Okay, now let’s go get that kitten. No sadness today, this is supposed to be a happy time.” Soon as the words left your mouth, Yoongi’s entire demeanor shifted; going from a caring partner, to an excited child with only a few words. 

 “Right! Let’s go!!” With that, Yoongi gave you a chaste kiss before jumping into the passenger side door. 

The drive to the shelter wasn’t that long, and Yoongi was bouncing up and down in his seat like a child on his way to Toys R Us. It was cute though, seeing him this excited. You don’t think you’ve seen him this giddy; you’ve seen him happy of course, but not this kind of emotion. It looked good on him, you hoped he manages to keep it going as the kitten grows old. 

“We’re here!!” Yoongi announced ecstatically as you pulled up in the parking lot. The hybrid waited patiently as he could as you got out of the car, his eyes locked on the door of the small building. It was a bit on the smaller side, but it was a bit more of a homey feeling to it. Something that you thought would be good seeing how this will be the new addition to your family.

Soon as you stepped forward towards him, he bounded ahead of you, eager to get through the door. “Hurry up!” He whined as you leisurely took your time walking up the path to the door. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” you huffed as you finally managed to get to the front door. Yoongi was grinning so hard his cheek muscles were sore, but that didn’t matter. It was finally happening. He was gonna be a dad! 

Door to the shelter opened, he followed you as you stepped inside, glancing around at the posters of various cats and dogs on the wall. He stared at them while a volunteer at the front desk asked to help you. He moved his head to pay attention to the conversation, but little meows echoed from the door where the volunteer entered from. His hand instantly grabbed yours as he heard the little cries; not coming from his computer, but from actual kittens. 

His attention was brought back to you at the sound of your laughter. “You ready, Yoon?” He nodded his head so hard, you feared his head might pop off. Your shoulders shook with another laugh as you looked back to the volunteer, “Can we see them now?”

“Of course!” She answered as she took a few steps back towards the door, holding it open for the two of you. Yoongi followed after her quickly, tugging you along with your hand still tightly grasped in his. The smell of all the other animals filled Yoongi’s senses as they walked down a short hallway. He could hear the sounds of them as well, all calling for the attention of the new people that they no doubt smelled. Soon enough, they approached a door marked CATS, Yoongi felt your eyes on him as the volunteer opened the door and walked in. 

“You ready to be a dad, Yoongi?” Your voice was soft as you squeezed his hand. All he could do was nod as you entered. 

The scent hit him first, the smell of fur and cat food, and litter boxes. Not the most pleasant thing in the world, but at that very moment, it was better than roses to him. Then the sound of dozens of cats meowing away filled his eardrums and he felt his smile get wider as he glanced around the small room. There was a small cat tree in the middle of the room, with silver kennels on either side of it. Some of the doors were open, the felines who inhabited them wandered about the room. The rest of them remained closed, but that didn’t stop them from sticking out their paws between the wires, going out to grab the other volunteers in the room. 

“So all our kittens are about four to six weeks old, all siblings are in the same kennel. Feel free to open them up if you want,” she explained as she walked over to another male volunteer to talk to him. “All their names are on that white board, by the way!” 

There was a small brush against Yoongi’s pant leg. Glancing down, he made eye contact with an orange tabby cat; rubbing it’s head against his calf. The creature looked up and meowed at him, curious about the two new strangers who came in. Ever so slowly, Yoongi knelt down petting it’s head and letting it keen into his hand. Above, he could hear you coo as at the sight before getting distracted with another cat that came up to you. 

Yoongi felt like he was going to cry, he had to only take one home? When there’s so many here that all need homes? He was so close to just begging you to take them all home, but he knew that that wouldn’t be a good idea. Taking a deep breath, he got back up to his feet and walked over to one of the kennels and peered in, looking at the small fluff balls curl together for warmth. Carefully, he moved to open the wire door without waking any of them, but it appears his presence was enough to wake them because sure enough, small mewls added into the already noisy room as he opened the door completely. 

“Hi,” his voice was barely a whisper as he reached in and let the kitten sniff at him, getting adjusted to his scent before moving to touch any of them. A small white kitten with the bluest eyes reached up to grab at his fingers, its small claws digging into his skin. “Ow,” he feigned with a chuckle as he lowered his head to scratch at the fur balls ears. “You’re a curious one, aren’t you.” He lilted as he turned his attention to another kitten. This one was black, but strangely enough has small light grey stripes decorated its body. It was a bit more separated from the rest of the litter, smaller too. Intrigued, he moved his hand over to it and let the kitten sniff it. When it seemed to accept him, he let his hand curl around its small body, lifting it out of the cage and into his arms.

“You found someone, Yoongi?” He heard you ask as you approach him, a small gasp leaving your lips when you see the tiny creature in his arms. “Oh my goodness! Aren’t you precious!” You melted as you reached your finger out to stroke its head. 

“I see you’ve found the runt of the litter,” the volunteer noted as she walked over to you both, a smile on her face. “She’s all healthy, so if she’s the one you want, she’s ready to go home with you.”

Yoongi could feel your eyes on him, looking for an answer on if this was the one you were going to take home. He stared down at the small cat in his arms, who’s big eyes stared right back at him. He could feel it deep in his heart, this was the one. This was his baby. “Yeah, it’s her.”

“Okay, babe.” You kissed his cheek before looking back to the kitten still in his arms. “Hi baby, you almost match your daddy.” You giggled as you gave her one last scratch before confirming with the volunteer that you’ll be taking that one home. 

With a smile, she nodded, asking you to follow her to finish up the paperwork while telling another volunteer to help Yoongi with getting her ready to leave. He readjusted the kitten in his arms so she was now laying against his chest, rather than in his arms. The other volunteer held a cardboard carrier with an old towel in it out. Yoongi was hesitant at first, not quite ready to let his new found child out of his arms just yet. 

“Come on, buddy. She’s gonna be okay,” he encouraged Yoongi as he reached for the cat. Holding back the urge to swipe at him and carry the cat out in his arms, he knew you wouldn’t want him to make a scene. So he complied, letting him take the kitten from him and into the carrier. The volunteer handed it over to him; but instead of holding it by the handle, he held it by the bottom in both hands. Not wanting to jostle her around before getting to the car. 

The volunteer escorted him back out to the lobby, where you were finishing up. “Yoongi, what are you gonna name her?” You asked. The question caught him off guard, he didn’t know what he was gonna name his kitten. He’s wanted one for how long and he never thought of one? He quickly racked his brain for names, not wanting it to sound too cheesy or weird but none came to mind. 

“I, uh,” he was embarrassed at the predicament. But you merely laughed at him before placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s just for the chip she got, I’ll just put down Min for now alright?” You looked to him for his permission. He nodded, the two of you will figure out a better name to call her in the meantime. But at least she’s got a nickname on her. 

Paperwork all done, and a car full of new cat stuff. The two of you drove back to your apartment, and all the while Yoongi was flinching with every confused little meow that came from the white box on his lap. Unable to take it anymore, he cracked open the carrier a bit, just enough to stick his hand in and sooth her of both his and her anxieties about the drive. You rolled your eyes at the action, mumbling something under your breath about coddling her before she’s even gotten to the house. But Yoongi couldn’t help it! He hated hearing the small and scared whimpers, he couldn’t just do nothing!

When the drive finally came to a stop, you handed Yoongi the key to the apartment. “Put her in our room, close the door and come back here to help me with the rest of the stuff. Okay?” You instructed, to which Yoongi followed to the T. Well almost to the T.

Once he got into the house, he opened up the carrier and pulled out the kitten. “This is your new home.” He started as he walked around, showing her the place. “This is the living room and the kitchen area, we’re out here a lot. Don’t try to scratch up the couch please, or Y/N is gonna kill us both.” He chuckled as he made his way down the hall, pointing at different photos and giving a story. “This is the bedroom, where we sleep. You can sleep here too.” He went on and he placed her down on the ground. “Now you can explore while we go get your things.” He said, but didn’t move. Watching how the kitten sniffed around the new place, getting a feel of it. A smile on his face, he slowly started backing out of the room, closing it behind him.

He rushed back out of the door, but before he made it to your car, he ran into you, an annoyed look on your face. “You got distracted with the kitty, didn’t you?” Yoongi looked down at the ground, feeling a bit guilty for putting the baby before his partner but thankfully you seemed to understand. “Fine, just get the cat litter. Couldn’t carry it all by myself.” You jerked your head in the direction of the car. Nodding, he ran down to go get the rest of the things.

Setting the majority of the cat stuff down, you quietly started towards the bedroom. Cracking open the door, you don’t see anything just yet. You push the door open a bit more, still nothing but there is a small little lump of poop on the floor, stinking up the whole room. “Gah,” you gagged as you quickly went to the kitchen to grab some paper towels and cleaner. “Knew I should’ve told him to get the kitty litter ready first,” you muttered to yourself as you cleaned up the little troublemaker’s poop. After being sure to toss it in a trashcan in the bathroom, you began looking for the little one.

Laying flat on the ground, you peered under your bed. The small outline of the kitten was seen in the middle of the bed, out of reach for you to grab. “Aww, come here baby. No ones gonna hurt you.” You stretched your arm out under the bed, the tips of your fingers barely grazing her soft fur. You could feel her lower her nose to your hand, sniffing you out before rubbing her head against your palm. 

“What are you doing?” You heard Yoongi’s voice called out from above you.

“She hid under the bed,” you explained as you pulled your arm out from underneath the space. 

Yoongi pursed his lips in thought as he leaned down, taking his turn to reach under the bed. “Come here baby, come on.” He made kissy noises, trying to lure her out. “Come to daddy.” But to no avail, she didn’t come out. 

Disappointment was written across his face as he sat up. “Aww, don’t be upset Yoon. She;s just scared. She’s in a new place,” you placed your hand on his cheek. “Why don’t we set up her stuff, maybe she’ll come out then.”

Begrudgingly, he agreed. You set up all the stuff in the room first, just to get her accompanied to the new place before the rest of the apartment. You had Yoongi handle setting up her litter box and opening up her toys while you set up her food and water. Cat stuff thoroughly thrown about the place, you saw small little paws peek out from underneath the bed. 

“Yoongi,” you nudged your hybrid to look at where you were pointing. 

Instantly, he began to lower himself to the ground, not breaking eye contact with her as she watched him slowly go down and down until he was laying flat on his stomach. Taking a few tentative steps, she got closer to him. Sniffing at his ear which twitched at the close proximity of her black little nose. “Those are my ears,” he stated simply as she started to swat at them and his hair. “Hey,” he chuckled, lifting his head away from her paws. “Don’t hurt daddy.”

“You’re really gonna stick with daddy?” 

“Got a problem with that?”

“Not at all,” you raised your hands in defense, not wanting to argue with him. He moved back to sit on the ground next to you and watch as the kitten curiously bounded around the room. She looked up at you before making slow steps over, before putting her paws on your thighs. You looked up at Yoongi who looked nearly green with envy. “Guess we know who her favorite is.” You teased. 

“No no no no,” he said as he leaned over before picking up the cat, plopping her on his lap. “She’s gonna be a daddy’s girl, if it’s the last thing I do.” You would’ve thought she would’ve hated being moved by force and would’ve jumped away, but she didn’t. She snuggled herself deeper into his lap and started purring. Now it’s your turn to be jealous.

“No fair,” you grumbled as you leaned forward to pet her again.

Yoongi only stuck his tongue out at you before turning his attention back down to the cat. “Moonlight.”

“What was that?”

“Her name is Moonlight. Moonie for short,” he said, his eyes never leaving her as he let his hand stroke her.

You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the kitten. “Welcome to the family, Moonie.”

The rest of the day is spent with you and Yoongi on the ground, playing with her, completely ignoring the rest of the world. You took a lot of videos of her playing around Yoongi’s tail. It was precious to see how well he was with her; jumping into his new role as a cat dad. It warmed your heart. With each of her squeaky meows,  Yoogni would respond with one of his own; his deep voice making a low meow, sounding nothing at all like a cat. Yet she still responded, meowing back only louder and more pitchy.

As they continued to play, it became painfully obvious that Yoongi definitely bought those small mouse toys for him because he was playing around with them a lot more than her. Moonlight on the other hand, was approaching your bed. Pouncing on it in an attempt to climb up top. With a laugh, you helped her up onto the mattress, watching her as she waddled about the uneasy surface. 

Your stomach growled, hungry for some food. “I’m gonna go make something real quick.” You got up and kissed the top of Yoongi’s head before walking out of the room and towards the kitchen. You made a quick sandwich to refuel before getting back to playing. As you ate, you thought of how well this was going to be. Granted it was only the first day, but this was going to be good. Just by the look on Yoongi’s face you could tell. He was absolutely in love with that small little ball of fur, his baby. Your baby. 

Finishing up your little sandwich, you made your way back to the bedroom. It was quiet, you didn’t hear any more rustling or mewling. Brows furrowed, you opened the door and the sight you saw before you melted you. Yoongi laid curled up in the middle of the bed, similar to how he did when he first got comfortable with you when you got him. Moonlight was tucked close to his chest with an arm draped over her, fast asleep.

On your tiptoes, you made your way over to the bed to lay opposite of Yoongi. They both stirred as the mattress dipped beneath your weight, but both remained with eyes closed. You let your arm drape over Yoongi’s side, effectively sandwiching Moonlight between the two of you. There the three of your laid, tired smiles on your faces as you warmed the new addition of the family between you.

[idesofrevolution]

Welp as you can guess, Biker TF won the poll. So here we go kids.

It’d been weeks since I had... become who I am today. I’m still learning how to wield the power that Miss Marie had given me- and there were a few mistakes made along the way. But at the end of the day, I’d grown into a much more competent practitioner, so I decided one drunken evening to treat myself. After a delicious evening with a hunky biker bear, I’d convinced him to let me have his spare set of wheels. Riding came naturally to me- the open road and the wind rushing against me gives such a sense of freedom. It’s hard to explain. We still ride down the backroads outside of town just about once a week, although I’m sure the cruising spot in the bayou clearing does certainly help instigate such rides.

It was one summer afternoon after one such ride and rendezvous, wafting with the stench of sweat and sex, that I came across a young hitchhiker. He was young, maybe 21 or so with gorgeous ebony skin and a lean slender frame. I pulled over, and he quickly ran over to me.

“Hey, are you going as far as town?” His voice was frail and weak. A timbre of defeat echoed from the back of his throat, he’d clearly been through a lot. 

“Sure am. Here, hop on and take the spare helmet.” I smiled at him, and he coyly avoided my glance. He awkwardly mounted the bike, nearly tipping us over. “Never ridden before? Aight, put your arms here, and keep your feet up.” I gently guided his wrists around my waist and he tightly held on, nearly knocking the wind out of me. As we took off, he clutched me even tighter. Riding down the road, I could sense he was a broken kid. The air of sadness permeated his energy, and shaded every ounce of his body language. I don’t think he ever realized just how beautiful a soul he had.

About ten minutes of riding, I noticed we were nearly running on fumes. Luckily, an exit sign harked a little good fortune with a Shell station off the road. We pulled over at the nearest gas pump, and dismounted. 

“I’m gonna fill up, take this and get yourself something to eat man, you’re skin and bones!” I handed him a $20, and he looked at me as if I had three horns and purple skin. He blushed and walked toward the convenience store, but turned back to ask if I needed anything.

I looked at him, standing there against the cinderblock building and decided that he would get the help he deserved. If from nobody else, he would get it from me. I shook my head no, and he entered the store. Filling the tank took all of five minutes before it had topped off. I slid my card in, paid my dues and started to put my gloves back on before I noticed he had not come back out. To my left was another bike, sitting vacant and alone. Alarm bells went off and I rushed into the convenience store. 

I opened the door and could immediately hear the shouting. Behind the counter some teenage dumbass was fuckin around on his phone, not thinking a thing of the brazen diatribe that was filling the room. There, behind the wall of Doritos, Pretzels, and Slim Jims was the young kid, and a big hulking stag of a man shouting with his chest all puffed up like a blowfish. The foul, revolting shit that spewed from that mans mouth was beyond anything that I’d care to repeat in any way here, but when I say it was in reference to his ancestry I’m sure you can fill in the blanks. Grabbing his shoulder like a vice grip, I was about to teach this man what’s what.

“I think it’s time for you pipe the fuck down.” The man turned to me, covered in grease and stinking from days of riding in the summer heat. You know the type, ripped up and stained wife beater with tight, patched jeans; topped off with big beat up harness boots that were clearly two sizes too big. He sneered, sizing me up to see where his chances were in this fight. 

“Ahh, so you’re gonna be this little fuck’s hero, huh? You’re gonna be his WHITE knight, huh? See, I’m just letting him know that in these parts, it’d be best if he just fucked right off.” I’ll be the first to acknowledge that I have a bit of a temper issue which can get the best of me.. In the particular instance, however, I’d say I’m proud as all hell that I held that white trash by the throat about a sold foot above the ground. Tossing him aside, he landed against the aisle shelves like a ragdoll. I smirked, and figured out just how I would help this young man.

“Come on over, kid.” I waved him over, and he sheepishly plodded over to us. The racist tried in vain to pull himself up off the ground, but my size 13 Vans against his big burly chest had him pinned like a mouse in a trap. “I think this man needs a bit of an education, don’t you?” The kid smiled, looking down. I gently held his chin up. “And you need a confidence boost.” 

“Ah, your fuckin’ queers too! I shoulda gue...” I shoved my foot into his stupid maw, silencing him for the last time. I turned to my soon to be apprentice and smiled. I pushed a bit harder, watching my shoe sink further and further into that piece of shit’s mouth, before my entire foot was engulfed by his stretched head. The kid looked in awe as our prey squirmed and fought, and I think it was at this point that the situation clicked in his mind.

“Yeah, hows my foot taste, bitch? They sure stink to high hell, they’re my favorite pair. Kinda jealous of you to be honest.” I wriggled my foot inside his head, watching the outline of my high tops slide around under his skin. I’d played around with him long enough. I turned to the kid, who I’d noticed was tenting ever so slightly and winked. “Might wanna get rid of your threads, bud, you’re not gonna need ‘em.” With a quick jerk of my knee, my foot slipped out of his mouth, his head returning to normal. 

“You stupid fucks, I’m gonna fuckin kill you!” He would never get the chance. In fact, he was about to learn first hand what it’s like to have a healthy amount of melanin. With his clothes chucked aside, and his manhood at full mast, the kid walked toward the writing man. He gingerly put a single toe into his mouth, and pushed. His foot slipped effortlessly into the man’s throat, and quickly tugging at the corners of his mouth, he slipped foot number two in. The man was wriggling like a worm, I’m sure desperately trying to spew empty threats to ward us off. The sight of the kid’s lowering ass onto his stretched face caused a little bit of a muffled shriek to escape his cords. Now, musky, sweaty hitchhiker ass would be a treat to me on even the worst of days, but evidently some just can’t appreciate it’s mouthwatering flavor and scent. With his crack nuzzled right down on the good old boy’s nose, he began to pull on the man’s legs.

I watched proudly as his feet slipped downward, distorting his muscles under the tight confines of his jeans, before a sharp pop landed them inside the destroyed boots. They fit perfectly now, and I could just begin to smell the strong funk of greasy, funky socks and feet. The kid kept sliding into his body, his midsection growing and seemingly inflating with strong muscles. The old tank began to tear and rip, before it was shredded by the sheer mass of the inked, mocha colored abs and pecs that prominently burst forward. 

The kid’s face was in full elation, as he squeezed his arms down the throat, pulling the skin above his shoulders with a loud snap. His arms slipped into place; thick biceps and forearms bubbling outward from the man’s already impressive musculature. His tatted hands flexed, the new sensation of calloused fingertips and meaty palms seemingly fascinated him as he began to rub his new body.

I removed my foot from my new friend’s chest, and helped him up. This man was a beast! Towering to a massive 6′5, he was bigger, broader, and stronger than me- and I’ll admit... it was hot seeing this hulking, musky hunk standing before me with the youthful, boyish face of an early twenty-something. I eagerly awaited the final stretch as he pawed the whimpering final mask of the former racist’s face. Grabbing it by the nose, he pulled ever so slowly, savoring every second the slimy flesh slipped over his head until it snapped loudly into place. He adjusted his new face as the dark complexion flowed up his neck and across his scalp and jaw. He opened his dark brown eyes and smiled a million dollar smile at me.

“Now this is what I’m talkin’ about man!” The only word that came to my mind was stunning. His exterior finally matched his interior: sexy, proud, and strong. “Oh shit...” He looked downward, and within seconds I knew exactly what the issue was. Speaking from experience, not all the adjustments are as easy, so I decided my assistance was required. Getting down onto my knees, I unzipped his jeans, pulling them down. It revealed the yellowed, reeking jockstrap beneath which nearly concealed the problem area. 

Glued down behind his skin was the outline of his cock and balls. Just as I thought. Pulling down the jockstrap, I grabbed the hollow shaft and sac, tugging it up and down. Little by little his cock slid toward the chasm before it fully slipped in with a loud schlorp! When I tell you that cock grew into a footlong dong in seconds... with two sweat-dripping golf balls hanging low to garnish... I couldn’t restrain myself. I took it in my mouth, licking up every droplet of salty sweet sweat, pumping the precum out of it like a faucet. He grabbed the back of my head, thrusting his horse cock down my throat, fucking it like a fleshlight. His smelly balls slapped against my chin, and I could feel them engorging, getting ready to blow. 

And blow they did. Rope after rope. Straight down my throat. Every cup of it was whatever sadness, whatever insecurities, whatever weights held him down; now completely purged. He pulled out and I pulled my apprentice into deep kiss. This is who he truly was, and it was a fitting circumstance for it to happen. We turned to the slackjawed cashier, who evidently witnessed everything. I tossed him a $100, and we left. Hopping on our bikes, we headed back to town. The things I was going to teach dear Antoine here were going to blow his mind, and potentially his load too.

Okay kids. So there you have it. This was a long motherfucker and I’m sure it’s the longest I’ve ever written. If you haven’t guessed by now, each installment of Sebastian’s stories will be focused on punishing hate. This is what’s brought me out of retirement, and this is what I love writing now. I’ll of course listen to the feedback that y’all have provided me- I will do one-offs still. In fact, I’ll probably do a one-off next. Let me know what y’all think in my askbox. Thank you guys so much for all the support you’ve shown me.