#going to spend all day crying
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I'm stupid 🩷🩷🩷
#jason isaacs#william tavington#the patriot#colonel tavington#colonel william tavington#going to spend all day crying#from joy#and horniness kxggxkkyxktx
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LOKI cast in the S1 blooper reel
#loki#mobius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#absolute cuties all around 🥺💖#god i'm glad we're getting physical media with bonus features again!! truly an essential to life and as it should always be#now if you'll excuse me i'm gonna go spend the rest of the day shaking and crying over lamentis mobius and that closeup shot of owen 😳#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#wunmi mosaku#gugu mbatha-raw#marvel#owenwilsonedit#flashing cw#dianagifs
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FAR CRY 5 (∞)
#far cry 5#far cry#gamingscenery#fc5#hope county#photomode#far cry 5 scenery#can feel myself going back into a gaming slump bc of irl stuff but by god i will claw my way out of it again as soon as I can for this one#this may be an odd term to use but this game feels so cozy in spite of (gestures vaguely) everything going on#like the fishing and the scenery and the random 'encounters' like people sitting by a campfire singing/slow dancing?? chef's kiss#the contrast of everything that is happening in the county yet people still finding and actively creating these moments of calm <3#finding peace where they can bc yeah sure they're the resistance but no one can spend days and nights uninterrupted just fighting#makes it all feel a lot more human and i love that#me? rambling in the tags? more likely than you think#fav
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Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards
I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?
I. Magic Tricks
You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)
But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."
In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.

II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets
This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?
From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.
Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)
2008.
Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible
2009.

Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?
2010.

This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!
2011.

Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards
2012.
This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??
2013.
Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form
2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):
For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one
2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):
The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"
III. Why Does This Matter?
*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs
This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!
There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.
But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(
#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post#nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg#that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face#<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH#anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project#and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore#i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects#<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about....#idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ#theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create.#haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think:#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell#fernando alonso#fa14#f1#formula 1#catie.rambling.txt#we do a little bit of f1
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(empty look of death)
#in case you're wondering how i'm doing uhh#ya boy is considering opening commissions at some point#on account of his life rapidly going to shit#given the whole 'i either spend all my savings fixing my car or i spend all my savings getting a new car'#'and i don't have many other options because it's either i go to work or the company physically implodes and i don't have a job anymore'#benefits of being the one load-bearing employee <333#because your main terrible boss never managed to pick up anyone else as all the other employees left one by one <333#anyway. sorry. i've been. crying on and off all day#it's not like there haven't been good times these past six months (i've been grabbing little mouthfuls of life) but#i'm feeling it on my psyche. i'm feeling the fact that i've been holding my brain to the grindstone since 2023 and it's <333 bad <3333#the fact that twice today i've had brief Ideations tells you all you need to know </333#anyway. i will be okay. ultimately.#life has to get easier sooner or later but. unironically i may need to look into supplementing my job income#or else i'm not going to survive the upcoming gap season
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spring cleaned so hard i found my missing airpod < 3
#. am exhausted .. but so happy everything is squeaky clean :’3#. i have to go shower now and that always takes me forever TT ❤️🩹 so i am taking a teeny tiny toombz break#. hi friends i hope your first day of spring was lovely :’3 🌷 another season together !!! how wonderful is that#. i’m looking forward to the weather! although ca weather is always a little bizarre#. it is almost 90° next monday what the freakness ..#. it goes down after that but this is making me panicky for summer weather ACK …. i will burn and melt and cry#. well what can u do :’3 (turn on the ac!)#. it’s okay it’s okay …. twenty-something summers have not killed me yet >:3#. must go now .. it is almost 1am ….#. work mañana! so i will be here sporadically sobsob#. locking in next week guys i swear … i’ve Gotta write something …..#. it’ll be either angst or fluff so it all depends on how customers treat me over the weekend < 3 SHHDHDHSNS#. mwah i love you thank you for spending another season with me 💗
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Okayyy I might take a bit of a break! School JUST started again after break and everything is going all over the place so I might need some time to figure it out along with some other work I have to do so YA! Urrr no arts for now sadlys
I will see you!! I'm not sure when!!
I LOVE U!
#I can NOT start freaking out already😭#panicking and crying of frustration is not going to get me anywhere. I'll have to really think about what to do#My focus is HORRIBLE and I think I need to make that my main mission (if I even can) to try to figure out what's going on in that brain!#maybe a couple of tangled wires...I'll try to see!#I was doing okay wayyy before (I'd say around valentines day?) good schedule and all! oh only if I could remember how on earth I did that💔#curse that horrible short memory of mine...why is everything against me!#posts will have to wait while I do this#I might pop in a bit of times. of course to see julie heheeeeee#Need better focus. need more patience. need better memory. need to get my life together!#I said that yesterday to start school right but ended up sleeping late and spending most of my time in bed...#today might not be any different since its 3AM but hopefully sometime in any week I'll figure it out😭#6 weeks of school till the end I am so happy#If I don't pass I will be baked. fried. peeled and in a volcano because I am NOT doing that again😭#WHAT A YAP! I GOTTA GO!!! GAH!#sloppy hand wave anim that I hate but its ok for only this time... (I swear I have a julie one thats way better that im working on...)
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i also like your krakoa charles and rivals erik drawing… a lot… keep going back and looking at it….. yearning…………….need it to be real………………you fed us well thank you ^_^
thank you so much my friend im glad people really enjoy it from what ive seen !!!!!! rivals cherik's just gonna be so special i know it..... i need them together NOW...
#snap chats#i didnt expect to like the sketch so much since it quite literally was a quick hasty sketch but alas...#theres a lesson in there somewhere.... i will now ignore it..#the second charles is added to rivals I WILL FEED ALL OF US WELL BELIEVE IT#please :((((( i want erik to stop yearning i want charles to be there to look at his beard and go 'ew' but still love him#pleaaasssee netease im wailing and sobbing at the idea of charles caressing erik's face and seeing how tired he is#eriks never rested a day in his life yet he somehow looks more worn from the erik charles knew... it causea that fuckin beard#RAAAAHHGGG IM DRIVING MYSELF INSANE#can you imagine if they dont even have any interactions oh my god no id be putting the fucking tinfoil hat back on so fast#theyre gonna have interactions... they cant Not MAGNETO LITERALLY MENTIONS THE FUCK AS ONE OF HIS OPENING LINES#'CHARLES dreamed of a safe haven for mutants... now /I/ have made it a reality' why the fuck do i have it memorized#god pleae just let them be together again netease im gonna spend the rest of this post shitting and crying and begging for it to happen
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the discussion everyone’s been having on if boy cats are nicer than girl cats is so… interesting ! didn’t know misogyny was this serious to you all ! (yes i did) (you should die)
#— bee yaps#pidge literally screams until i bounce her like a fucking baby#i have to keep her in my arms or else shes kicking my roommates ass (not literally)(well literally to them but im built different)(love u)#nini spends her days demanding that i pay all my attention to her even at my job#in my face headbutting my nose wity a force that could shatter the bone#my cats r such sweet sweet clingy demons….. im going to kill you people#never had a mean girl cat#like ever in my life#cats like me though so maybe you guys are just meanspirited evil people#‘girl cats are sooo mean to me’ whatd you do to them.#idiot#i cannot piss without them in the bathroom because they CRY#nini sittingnon my shoulders as i type this
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Absolutely love how the professor told me there's a bunch of works i can use as sources for my paper and yet there's almost nothing available through our uni
#i am going to fucking scream#i genuinely thought i was in a good place study wise and after spending the whole morning looking for stuff idk what to do and i want to cry#how the fuck am i supposed to write a paper if i cannot access anything????#all key words don't produce any results?????? wtf#and i cannot even go to the uni library because 1. it would mean wasting a whole day to get a book idek is going to help#and 2. uni's still blocked for protests so even if i wanted to i cannot go there#cris speaks
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the way Gladiator is just instant gratification for me. my serotonin levels shoot through the roof as soon as that first note of music hits. Maximus’ face appears onscreen and I immediately am launched into a catatonic state
#and since i've been sick for like eight days this is doubly true#gladiator beloved you have been my lighthouse through the dark#my shield in battle#my anchor in the storm#and just!!! the way the whole movie is such a comfort to me!#i want to eat it like a small tea cake#savor every bite#what an INCREDIBLE joy that i can watch it literally whenever i want#pause it wherever or skip to the scenes with maximus#watch the same scenes over and over on a loop#put in headphones and listen to it like an asmr#favorite movie calms me like nothing else#the noise of battle begins and i'm like :D#but yeah opening scene featuring maximus dreaming of his family my ABSOLUTE BELOVED#dissociating birdwatching and generally looking like a dreamboat#all aboard the dreamboat aye aye captain#often i begin crying as soon as that first shot of maximus' face comes onscreen#like something about it just rips my heart out#knowing i'm about to spend the next three hours desperately longing for him and cheering for him and melting over his perfection#and then knowing i'm going to have to watch him die at the end of it#it's like i live in an endless horrid time loop where i have to watch my beloved suffer over and over but i keep going because it's the onl#time i get to spend with him so even the pain is worth it#i don't think i'm sane anymore but i care not a whit#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe#text posts
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is anyone else using alcohol as a painkiller or is it just me and house out here
#text#I DONT LIKE HOW MUCH I HAVE IN COMMON WITH HIM .#thats the only way im ever able to go out. i pregame so i can get to the bar 😭#tipsy at 8pm so i can get to the restaroau(realizes i cant spell that word) food place so i can spend $14 on a martini#so i can go to the club without collapsing on the ground crying#1 shot of titos for fun. another so i can get back to my friend's house#then i uber home. so i dont have to wake up and pretend im not in pain and agony and my heart rate isnt 130+ til i get home#<- this all happened on a specific night in like september btw.#man. i miss the rage...#well the rage was really bad for my bank account. and my body. and the bpd allegations. but still#its so nice. to have like a couple hours where i can walk around and have fun with my friends#and not send myself home bc i know its a bad idea to Do these things to my body#im able to block out the pain for a while So i do. and i have fun#And then the next morning i go fuck i cant ever do that again.and then i stay in bed all day#but its fun in the moment its so much fun in the moment#alcohol tw#i dont have like. A Problem btw Slash Genuine i just like going out with my friends and dont like being in pain#two for one deal. price of 1 stomachache and lots of pain later#neg#health tag#hlb
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"We're old moms, we can't wait to stop breastfeeding so we can get [very excited, shrill even] botooooox!!!"
We are never making it out of the patriarchy.
#every time i open instagram i see videos promoting botox for the moment you turn 20 and face lifts and plastic surgery#and skincare regimens that are not care at all but just fifty products to torture your skin (and spend money!!)#the ties between the patriarchy and capitalism that support one another are terrifying.#but not even that . i feel like i'm going insane#how did we in this day and age normalise so much of this shit#what happened to feminism... why am i seeing a man who works as a plastic surgeon#talking about ''when a client walks in and i know EXACTLY what she needs to change so i am able to get her to#sign up for four more procedures asides from the one she came here for ^_^'' i'm going to kill you.#beat you with rocks. do you guys know botox is a bacteria? do you guys know about botulism?#you throw away a can of food because it's slightly dented so you don't die from botulism#but you inject it straight into your forehead because someone told you signs you#lived a long life full of expressing your emotions guilt-free was what made you ugly#the way i see influencers who will call themselves feminists talk about those wrinkle-free straws... don't sleep on your side#don't breathe wrong don't crease your eyebrows don't smile don't cry don't drink from straws#you're all fucking insane. and wrinkles are caused by your skin losing elasticity. you will STILL have wrinkles#if you live long enough that is (<- can you see why it's a blessing?)
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ooc: so on top of all the bad news for usamericans i'm also like... lonely af and just kind of feeling. unhappy?
so like today just really sucks and idk. i might be here i might not but idk if i can muster the energy for rp as my f/os or selfship at all
#hope be like [blogs loudly]#ooc: just crying a lot and feeling so empty inside and i'm so lonely and tired#ooc: i spend almost all my days completely alone and i'm just#ooc: idk. might need my selfships all to myself right now idk idkidk idk i'm crying not to spiral pfft okay i gotta go before i do
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I'm so sad
#my gf and i were going to adopt this little puppy we named mango but it would've been mostly my gfs dog since she works at home#and would spend more time with the puppy since i have a 9 to 5 job#last friday she decided not to keep it since it felt a little overwhelming and she has a lot of things going on with her life#i never wanted a dog on the first place but i grew attached to this dog since he is perfect#like really perfect#and I've been so sad since she told me#i spent 2 days mostly crying#it's like I'm grieving for this little puppy who is going to forget me in 3 days time#he is getting adopted inside the family though but I feel so empy inside#well that's all i wanted to say#thank you for reading me#I'll go cry a little now#missing my little mango#personal
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is your birthday coming up?
Omg you remembered???? I’m gonna cry 😭
#I don’t think I’ve posted anything about it recently#it’s been on my mind but I’ve been trying to ignore all of the negative feelings that come with my birthday#I have been browsing online and I’m going to add a few more things to my wishlist#ya know just in case anyone wants to spoil me 😇#I was trying to add some clothes but found out shein and throne aren’t partnered anymore???????#so thats odd (and annoying tbh)#also I’ve noticed shein is more expensive than it used to be :(#I’m not the type of person to spend money on myself especially for like clothes and things like that#but when it was only a few bucks for an item every now and then I would buy a little something something#but now? ehhhh#doesn’t help that I have a lot of things on my ‘to buy’ list#I need a comforter / I’m looking for some shower shelves and in general shower stuff / organizing shit / blah blah blah#but I was browsing lovense the other day and they have some deals and 👀👀👀👀#might add a few toys too hehe 🫣#anyway I’m getting distracted - I genuinely can’t believe you remembered my birthday was around now???? that is so fucking sweet 😭😭#rosie day (my birthday) is on June 1st so make sure you send me all the love and spoil me on my special day#(and uhm i celebrate birthday weeks just saying 🤭😌🥰)#I usually dread my birthday (especially the older I get) so it would be nice to actually be excited for it for a change 🤷🏽♀️#sigh no clue what I’m gonna do for it… usually I try to do something but then shit happens and I end up crying alone in my room l o l#anywayyyyyyyyyyyy not gonna think about that doodododododooo#this ask fills me with warmth and I know it was just a simple question but thank you 🥺💓🥰🥰🥰#ask#anon
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