#going to spend all day crying
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I'm stupid 🩷🩷🩷
#jason isaacs#william tavington#the patriot#colonel tavington#colonel william tavington#going to spend all day crying#from joy#and horniness kxggxkkyxktx
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LOKI cast in the S1 blooper reel
#loki#mobius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#absolute cuties all around 🥺💖#god i'm glad we're getting physical media with bonus features again!! truly an essential to life and as it should always be#now if you'll excuse me i'm gonna go spend the rest of the day shaking and crying over lamentis mobius and that closeup shot of owen 😳#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#wunmi mosaku#gugu mbatha-raw#marvel#owenwilsonedit#flashing cw#dianagifs
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FAR CRY 5 (∞)
#far cry 5#far cry#gamingscenery#fc5#hope county#photomode#far cry 5 scenery#can feel myself going back into a gaming slump bc of irl stuff but by god i will claw my way out of it again as soon as I can for this one#this may be an odd term to use but this game feels so cozy in spite of (gestures vaguely) everything going on#like the fishing and the scenery and the random 'encounters' like people sitting by a campfire singing/slow dancing?? chef's kiss#the contrast of everything that is happening in the county yet people still finding and actively creating these moments of calm <3#finding peace where they can bc yeah sure they're the resistance but no one can spend days and nights uninterrupted just fighting#makes it all feel a lot more human and i love that#me? rambling in the tags? more likely than you think#fav
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Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards
I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?
I. Magic Tricks
You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)
But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."
In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.

II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets
This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?
From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.
Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)
2008.
Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible
2009.

Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?
2010.

This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!
2011.

Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards
2012.
This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??
2013.
Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form
2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):
For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one
2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):
The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"
III. Why Does This Matter?
*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs
This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!
There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.
But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(
#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post#nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg#that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face#<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH#anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project#and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore#i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects#<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about....#idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ#theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create.#haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think:#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell#fernando alonso#fa14#f1#formula 1#catie.rambling.txt#we do a little bit of f1
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Absolutely love how the professor told me there's a bunch of works i can use as sources for my paper and yet there's almost nothing available through our uni
#i am going to fucking scream#i genuinely thought i was in a good place study wise and after spending the whole morning looking for stuff idk what to do and i want to cry#how the fuck am i supposed to write a paper if i cannot access anything????#all key words don't produce any results?????? wtf#and i cannot even go to the uni library because 1. it would mean wasting a whole day to get a book idek is going to help#and 2. uni's still blocked for protests so even if i wanted to i cannot go there#cris speaks
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is anyone else using alcohol as a painkiller or is it just me and house out here
#text#I DONT LIKE HOW MUCH I HAVE IN COMMON WITH HIM .#thats the only way im ever able to go out. i pregame so i can get to the bar 😭#tipsy at 8pm so i can get to the restaroau(realizes i cant spell that word) food place so i can spend $14 on a martini#so i can go to the club without collapsing on the ground crying#1 shot of titos for fun. another so i can get back to my friend's house#then i uber home. so i dont have to wake up and pretend im not in pain and agony and my heart rate isnt 130+ til i get home#<- this all happened on a specific night in like september btw.#man. i miss the rage...#well the rage was really bad for my bank account. and my body. and the bpd allegations. but still#its so nice. to have like a couple hours where i can walk around and have fun with my friends#and not send myself home bc i know its a bad idea to Do these things to my body#im able to block out the pain for a while So i do. and i have fun#And then the next morning i go fuck i cant ever do that again.and then i stay in bed all day#but its fun in the moment its so much fun in the moment#alcohol tw#i dont have like. A Problem btw Slash Genuine i just like going out with my friends and dont like being in pain#two for one deal. price of 1 stomachache and lots of pain later#neg#health tag#hlb
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ooc: so on top of all the bad news for usamericans i'm also like... lonely af and just kind of feeling. unhappy?
so like today just really sucks and idk. i might be here i might not but idk if i can muster the energy for rp as my f/os or selfship at all
#hope be like [blogs loudly]#ooc: just crying a lot and feeling so empty inside and i'm so lonely and tired#ooc: i spend almost all my days completely alone and i'm just#ooc: idk. might need my selfships all to myself right now idk idkidk idk i'm crying not to spiral pfft okay i gotta go before i do
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"We're old moms, we can't wait to stop breastfeeding so we can get [very excited, shrill even] botooooox!!!"
We are never making it out of the patriarchy.
#every time i open instagram i see videos promoting botox for the moment you turn 20 and face lifts and plastic surgery#and skincare regimens that are not care at all but just fifty products to torture your skin (and spend money!!)#the ties between the patriarchy and capitalism that support one another are terrifying.#but not even that . i feel like i'm going insane#how did we in this day and age normalise so much of this shit#what happened to feminism... why am i seeing a man who works as a plastic surgeon#talking about ''when a client walks in and i know EXACTLY what she needs to change so i am able to get her to#sign up for four more procedures asides from the one she came here for ^_^'' i'm going to kill you.#beat you with rocks. do you guys know botox is a bacteria? do you guys know about botulism?#you throw away a can of food because it's slightly dented so you don't die from botulism#but you inject it straight into your forehead because someone told you signs you#lived a long life full of expressing your emotions guilt-free was what made you ugly#the way i see influencers who will call themselves feminists talk about those wrinkle-free straws... don't sleep on your side#don't breathe wrong don't crease your eyebrows don't smile don't cry don't drink from straws#you're all fucking insane. and wrinkles are caused by your skin losing elasticity. you will STILL have wrinkles#if you live long enough that is (<- can you see why it's a blessing?)
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I'm so sad
#my gf and i were going to adopt this little puppy we named mango but it would've been mostly my gfs dog since she works at home#and would spend more time with the puppy since i have a 9 to 5 job#last friday she decided not to keep it since it felt a little overwhelming and she has a lot of things going on with her life#i never wanted a dog on the first place but i grew attached to this dog since he is perfect#like really perfect#and I've been so sad since she told me#i spent 2 days mostly crying#it's like I'm grieving for this little puppy who is going to forget me in 3 days time#he is getting adopted inside the family though but I feel so empy inside#well that's all i wanted to say#thank you for reading me#I'll go cry a little now#missing my little mango#personal
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Big fuck you to Mercury Retrograde this week-
#bucked up the courage to take a weekend off work since no one else really works weekends but me#so me and my bf could spend time for our anniversary….#well guess who’s sick…….#not me actually he is#so there go all my plans down the drain#I’m so upset I’m just gonna lay in bed and cry all day#nia.txt
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birth of days for this Aster (and new wrinkles too💪✨)
#birthdays make me too reflective and melancholic#mostly because the more years pass the more i come to realize all i want is to spend time with the people i love and care about#you will find me crying at the idea of being an old person but surrounded by the people i hold close to my heart#anyways hi hope youre having a lovely day and plz go get yourself a lil treat and a dash on sun#colorful#original art#digital art#art#digital illustration#artists on tumblr#artwork#character art#illustration#procreate#procreate drawing#procreate doodle#procreate art#pink art#pink aesthetic#pink#pink illustration#pink drawing#birthday#clown
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Mfw I get sick once for the first time in seven years and it ruins my mental health for potentially three months straight ahahah
#rae rants#bro i forgor 💀 i forgor that i live with people who will go 'so is your tantrum over' any time you try to apologize and open up#i for fucking gottttttt#im doing bad! im doing bad! wah!!!#... the thing i have to apologize for is saying 'Im waiting for my antidepressant to kick in. im doing bad can you give me a minute?' like!#fuck man. im so bad im fuckin venting online. no reblog control lol.#i should get 'never kill yourself' tattooed on my inner calf. ya know for when my head is in my hands? yeah.#... for reference. my dog was sick for two weeks. then i got the flu from my mom. which made me miss xmas. then my other dog got sick.#then i got... nothing for xmas when we did celebrate. for the fourth year straight. then that sick old dog died.#and then klover brought in a dead baby magpie which she intended to eat. oh and before all this klover started finding and breaking glass#shit in her teeth. last night and today are the first day ive actually allowed myself to cry. i immediately got in trouble for being moody.#Oh! and i haven't been on antidepressants for two and a half months. so. yeah.#im handling it. i think i might spend today outside even tho its so cold. i dont wanna be in here rn.#it's too cold and im still not healthy enuff to go for a walk tho. :( im still coughing and spitting up phlegm.
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i would greatly appreciate if the ocd would stop expanding the limits/shrinking the parameters of my wardrobe so that i could stop having meltdowns about my outfits on a daily basis.
#brain things#ocd#it's like. if my brain decides an item is Nice then we can't wear it bc we'll mess it up and ruin it#we have to wait for a mythical Good Day in order to wear the Ideal Outfit.#god forbid i sweat cry need to pee or feel the slightest bit sick or uncomfortable while wearing a Good Item#then it will be Ruined Forever#this has been a thing for me since i was like. six.#i remember going into my closet and touching a dress i'd deemed Fancy and thinking ''wow so pretty sad i'll never get to wear u''#currently this also extends to if an outfit makes me feel Good about Gender or Myself then i can't wear it out#i'm AWARE it's crazy idk how to stop it i'll ask my therapist next time in the meanwhile i spend a solid 20 min every morning#trying on outfits i'm too scared to wear outside bc that's ''wrong'' somehow#(granted it IS mid-80s here and humid as fuck so lately wearing as little as possible has been the primary goal)#one of the times i saw myself in fiction was in bllb when#they think they've found glendower and gansey is So Upset bc the Vibes Are All Wrong and he's wearing a sweater he hates#i feel u gansey. that is me so often. or vice versa.#when i wear a good outfit and then the day fucking sucks...#somehow it feels like an extra kick in the ribs#like noooooo i was supposed to be invulnerable i wore the Good Shirt!!!
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