#going to a queer barber will do wonders

[whimsicallesbian]

I cut my hair. Feeling v butch

[burningcomputerpersona]

ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut

[sweet-s0rr0w]

day 6 of @hprecfest - a fic for a ship you don’t normally read

With a Look, by earlybloomingparentheses - E, 5k, 2018, Ginny/Dean/Seamus

Summary: Now, twenty years old and done with boys and looking forward very much to putting her hand down some lucky girl’s shirt later this evening, Ginny looks at Dean Thomas’s gold-painted fingernails and feels heat pool between her legs.

Fuck, she thinks, and flushes, annoyed, ashamed, and then Seamus Finnegan comes up behind Dean and kisses him deep on the mouth, and Ginny’s heart starts to pound.

Excerpt:

“Well, Dean and I had a bet—”

“Not a bet,” Dean interjects.

“—an argument, then,” Seamus says.

Ginny raises her eyebrows. Her shoulders have gone tense. “About me?”

“Aye.” Seamus smiles, sharp-toothed. Possibly he has not forgiven her for dating Dean. “We wondered if you’d come back with the classic Harpies lesbian haircut. Thought it might be a required part of the uniform.” 

Something stabs through Ginny’s stomach, punching the air out of her. Seamus is mocking her, somehow, for not—for not looking gay enough. Or, no, for not being— 

“They don’t take you straight to the barber the first time you go down on a woman,” she says, voice casual, pose full of the bravado she learned from one of the Harpies’ Beaters, a broad-shouldered six-foot-tall dyke with a killer Bludger arm. “That’s not what scissoring means, you know.”

Dean chokes on a nonexistent drink and sputters into his hands, leaning forward over his knees to wheeze heavily. Seamus stares at her, then lets out a full-throated laugh and vaults over the back of the sofa, ending up half in his boyfriend’s lap.

“Fuck, Weasley,” he says, “I’d forgotten what a bad idea it is to cross you.”

For starters, I don't read het. I rarely read femslash, and I don't especially care about Deamus (SORRY). But in general I'll try anything that's well written, and when @sitp-recs recs something hard, I'll always sit up and listen, and bloody hell am I glad I did. This fic is from the POV of a wonderful Ginny, now out as queer in the 'very gay world of women's Quidditch'. She's plenty confident in herself, in her body, in her attractiveness, and yet she's still discovering exactly what sexuality means to her. All her questions come to the fore when she meets Dean and Seamus in a bar, and finds herself distinctly attracted to her pretty ex-boyfriend, and especially when he she sees him with his own boyfriend. This fic is a gorgeous, scorching hot exploration of what it can mean to be queer, and what it can mean to be feminine, all presented in such a soft, loving, comforting way. Give it a go, I hope you love it as much as I do!

If you read it, and if especially you love it, please do let me know! And as always, please do take the time to leave the author a kudos/comment <3

day 1 - first fic you remember reading

day 2 - a fic rated G

day 3 - a fic not on ao3

day 4 - a comfort fic

day 5 - a romantic fic

[inuhalfdemon]

DisPOsable (5/?)

Explicit (tw: language, aftermath of violence and torture)

Word Count: 2,861 Words

Chapter 5: The Writing

The demon’s ears were turning and rotating in odd movements; his eyes focused on the quill and the paper in a strange way.

“I apologize, Rosie, the day got away from me I’m afraid,” Lucifer explained, finding her bustling about her Emporium.

“We did just fine, your grace. No need to fret,” Rosie told him, leading him to the stairs that ran back up to her studio.

“You…left him alone up there? Do you think that’s wise?” Lucifer questioned her, uncertainly.

“Of course! He’s right where I left him, I can guarantee it,” Rosie assured him, pausing before heading up the stairs. “What did you learn from your visit with Abaddon this morning?”

“Not much…he’s not a Disposable that was tagged by Abaddon himself, but there’s so many others involved in the market now, it will be difficult finding out who did.”

“I wondered at that,” Rosie nodded. “The Vees have turned Disposable demons into an outright business…selling them and the products they’ve created for others to control and torment them with…it’s disgusting.”

“Abaddon suggested I contact Voxtech, see if I can narrow down a list of buyers, but…I’m not sure I want to do that quite yet. I’m still curious to see if anyone is actually looking for him.”

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Rosie told him. “I’d hate to see him have to go back, Lucifer…I really would.”   

“He won’t, Rosie. I can promise you that.”

She smiled, happy to hear him say it.

“Now then,” she turned, heading up the stairs, “while you were away, I took it upon myself to see to a few things. He wasn’t confident in choosing his own clothes; but I do have some things that might work that will be arriving to your mansion later this evening.”

Clothes...of course.

“Thank you, Rosie…I hadn’t even considered that. After meeting with Abaddon, I made sure to find and buy other things he might need: some groceries, a toothbrush, stuff for his hooves and his hair…”

“Ah yes, the hair…I hope you won’t be too put out with me, but I saw to that one as well.” Rosie said, opening the door to the studio and stepping inside.

The Disposable demon was seated on the loveseat again, leaning over the far armrest and staring happily out the window. He was looking interestedly at the goings-on of Cannibal Town below. When Rosie and Lucifer entered, he turned, and his tail swished gently at seeing them both. He blinked back at them, then when they made no motion or word of needing him, he turned his attention back toward the window.

“Oh, you gave him a haircut. It looks, uh…hm.” Lucifer made a face, trying to find the words.

The demon’s hair was cut in an inverted-bob style, his red bangs and ear tufts left long. The hair on top was swept stylishly across his head and his black ends – cut shorter now - hung well above and off his shoulders. The invert of the bob at the back was heavily exaggerated, sharply styled to go upward and with a shaved undercut underneath.

Rosie laughed. “I called in a favor of a friend who owns the barber shop here in town. She brought a book of samples and he picked the look himself. She is both talented and discreet; so I trusted her to do it. It’s a queer choice, I agree, but it suits him, I think.”

 The DiPO demon’s attention piqued at something outside and his head turned; smiling gently. His ears were turning and twitching happily.

“He picked that out himself!?” Lucifer wondered. “He hasn’t said one word to me since we left here last night.”

“Well…maybe if you treated him less like a feral dog about to turn rabid…he’d offer to talk more around you,” Rosie blatantly told him. “I am only half-teasing, by the way,” she sniffed.

“What all has he said to you?” Lucifer asked her, brushing past the comment.

“Not much, really. He converses, but only in small doses and very infrequently. The words get jumbled and mixed around sometimes and he shuts down easily. He told me today that you have been very kind to him.”

Lucifer watched the Disposable still looking at the window. “You said he had talked with you last night, what did he say then?”

“It was all politeness, really.” Rosie almost laughed, remembering the circumstance. “I managed to bring him up here; he was shivering from the cold and the rain; bleeding all over himself and some started dripping onto the floor; he rambled off apologies and not wanting to be of any nuisance…I assumed his broken speech was affected by the shock of everything going on that I hadn’t considered the oddness of it really before I realized he was wearing the tag.”

“Has he shown any interest in wanting to leave or go outside?” Lucifer asked her.

“No, not really. Like I said, he’s right where I left him earlier when I had to run downstairs and see to a few things.”

“I think it best if we keep him out of the public’s eye. For now, at least.”

“I agree, yes,” Rosie told him. “Oh! I did manage to find something that he likes! To eat, I mean.” She turned and went to a cooler that was set nearby and Lucifer followed her with interest.

“A cannibal after my own heart, I’ve discovered,” she announced, smiling. Lifting the lid to the cooler, she slid her hand in and pulled out a bundle of meat that was wrapped tightly in butcher paper and twine. “He’s partial to a variety of meats and cuts but this, this was especially a favorite of his. I will send you with some. Raw is best,” she told Lucifer, tossing the package to him.

Lucifer caught the package, looking at it strangely.

“What is it?” he asked her, nervously.

“Deer meat,” Rosie told him, grinning widely.

The next few days passed very strangely for Lucifer.

“Looks like you and I are roommates,” he told the DiPO demon, getting him all set up with his own bathroom and wardrobe within another spare room down the hall. Lucifer picked one that had wide windows that looked out across all of the city and the demon spent hours upon hours, just sitting there and staring out at the Pride Ring.

Lucifer walked him through the mansion; showing him rooms and places he may frequent if he wished: the kitchens, the studies, the parlors and personal bars, a music room, the library, Lucifer’s own personal workroom and office, the sunroom and pool.

The property, too, had a beautiful botanical garden that Lucifer enjoyed walking through in the mornings and evenings and he got into the habit of inviting the Disposable to go with him. The DiPO always stared in a quiet and open wonder at all the strange and unique flora - and fauna - that he would find there, but never did he move to touch or venture to say anything.

 Nights were always the strangest.

Lucifer had taken care to encourage the Disposable to remain in his room – to utilize the bed that was in there for him to use – each night. He had brought in Rosie’s blankets, folded them and left them on the duvet for the demon. He even left the door unlocked; hoping the DiPO would feel less confined; but also, not finding a point in locking it if the demon could mysteriously let himself out anyway.

Each morning, however, Lucifer would wake and step out from his own room to find the Disposable just outside his door; curled into the blankets that were from Rosie and asleep on the floor, wearing only the black pair of boxers. He couldn’t make sense of it.

The DiPO seemed to be adjusting, only, very slowly. He was completely indifferent to the clothing that Rosie had sent, and Lucifer took pangs in taking time to work through the options; hoping to find a style that interested him. He still hadn’t uttered a word since coming to the mansion and Lucifer, too, noted that he still wasn’t eating.

“Look,” Lucifer sighed, bringing the Disposable with him into the kitchen and opening the fridge. “I’ll show you this to you again. See these? See all of these? These are for you,” he told him, gesturing to the pile of meat packages that were stuffed onto the shelf.

The Disposable slowly leant back, sinking down onto his haunches in a submissive sitting position.

“I’m not mad at you,” Lucifer huffed. “Even if I was, you don’t have to do that. I’m just trying to show you that this is yours, ok.” Lucifer reached in and pulled out one of the packages labeled as venison. The DiPO remained sitting, just looking blankly back at him.

“Rosie told me you liked this stuff,” Lucifer was unwrapping the package. “Maybe you don’t have to eat every day but, you’ve gotta be feeling a little hungry by now.” The paper and plastic wrap came away and the Disposable’s ears went straight, eyes sharply on the meat.

Lucifer saw the change and without thinking, he took the cold hunk of meat from the wrappings and held it out.

The DiPO shifted, leaning forward and staring hungrily at the raw venison; but, still he remained sitting – waiting.

“Here, take it,” Lucifer told him, still offering him the meat.

Rather than standing back up, the Disposable leaned further forward from where he was sitting and slowly – purposefully – moved toward the meat. His eyes shifted to Lucifer; wide and calculating as his face neared his outstretched hand. Opening his mouth; his long tongue slid wet and warm into Lucifer’s hand – causing him to shudder – as the DiPO used it to pull the meat into his mouth. His sharp teeth sank deeply into the raw muscle and Lucifer’s stomach clenched at the soft, sucking sound of it. The demon pulled back, sitting back onto his haunches again – just holding the meat between his teeth and staring at Lucifer.

Ugh, just…enjoy it, you freaky ass creep. Lucifer thought, turning away to toss the bloody wrappings and wash his hands.

Feeling frustrated, Lucifer buried himself in his work. He had begun reflecting on his visit with Abaddon; replaying the conversation over and over again in his head and remembering the things that were said – the memory of it was grating on him.

Seated at the desk in his office, he tore through piles and piles of paperwork – reviewing documents of varying importance in his governing of all of Hell. His eyes wandered briefly to the tabloid and small stack of newspapers; news discussing the infamous Radio Demon and how the horrific screams that had been continuously broadcasting all throughout Hell had suddenly ceased playing. It reminded him of how he had somehow missed the change… how Abaddon had berated him for becoming distracted and letting things fall apart around him.

Then his eyes drifted to his phone; briefly considering picking it up and calling Charlie…or even Lilith. How did things between them all get so bad?

All Lucifer ever wanted was peace: peace for his family and peace for his people. When Heaven demanded a meeting and announced to him that they would be holding annual exterminations as a means to control the ever-growing population in Hell…what was he to say? What was he to do? Declare war, there at the table? He was lucky enough even to somehow land protection from the attacks for himself, his family, and all of the Hellborn…better that than certain destruction.

Lilith didn’t see it that way though. She told him he was a coward and that he was weak for not choosing to stand against them. She loved her people, and she would die fighting before she stood back and watched them be slaughtered. Charlie, his daughter, maintained that Heaven had it wrong, that each of these wicked, tormented souls still had some good in them; that they were worth saving.

Lucifer had fought with both of them; they didn’t understand Heaven’s ways, nor had they ever seen what a war or a battle looked like between realms. The costs were never worth the effort and, more often than not; both sides ended up losing.

Abaddon – more than anyone- had a right to be angry with him. All Abaddon wanted for any soul was for them to have their right to their own free will. It’s why they stood beside Lucifer and Lilith’s decision to offer it to humanity in the very beginning and why they fell with them when Heaven responded. Abaddon loved their family…but, they also held a deep regret and resentment for Lucifer’s carelessness.

Lucifer didn’t have the foresight to know that all of this would happen; that they would end up here. He recognized now that it was terribly cruel of him, to force Abaddon’s hand; to ask them to pass judgement on souls that he himself had deemed unworthy – incapable - of finding any form of redemption for themselves; to ask them to do all of that…then to go to them now, questioning whether it had all been the right choice…

Sighing and still feeling frustrated, Lucifer flicked his eyes to the side and groaned. The Disposable demon sat comfortably with crossed legs on the floor – just staring at him. Lucifer had been at it for hours now and the demon just stayed there the entirety of the time…watching him.

“You could go and find your own things to do, you know. You don’t have to sit here all day and watch me work,” Lucifer told him.

The DiPO flicked an ear but made no move to leave or shift position.

“Do what you want then, I suppose.” Lucifer pulled a sheet of paper to him; reaching for a quill, he began scratching into the page with ink.

The demon’s head sharply tilted; his ears twitching at the noise. Lucifer tried to ignore him, but he could see the Disposable’s head turning and tilting - back and forth - as he continued to write across the page. He managed to get nearly half-way done before setting the quill down and groaning again.

“That is entirely too distracting,” Lucifer told him sharply and the demon straightened. “If you’re so curious of what I’m doing, just come over here then.”

The DiPO’s ears straightened and he shifted forward – hesitating.

“Come on, it’s fine,” Lucifer told him, gently now.

The demon smoothly stood from where he was sitting on the floor and slowly approached the desk. Lucifer scooted his chair aside to give him room. The Disposable paused beside him; eyes widely watching Lucifer and then flashing to the desk with interest.

“Look, see…” Lucifer lifted the quill again and quickly scribbled out a sentence. “That’s all that I’m doing, it’s not so interesting.”

But, the demon’s ears were turning and rotating in odd movements; his eyes focused on the quill and the paper in a strange way.

“Here.” Lucifer reached over and dug around in his drawer for a clipboard. Reaching into a small trash bin, he pulled out a sheet of something he had tossed away earlier. Flipping the page to a blank surface, Lucifer stuck it into the clip. Grabbing a pen, he stood up from his chair and led the demon to the nook beside his office window. “Entertain yourself with these for a while,” Lucifer told him, inviting him to sit in the nook and handing him the clipboard and pen. “I’ve still got more to do.”

Returning to his desk, Lucifer sat back down and pulled the sheet he had been working on back to him. Lifting the quill and glancing briefly up from the page, he saw that the DiPO demon was looking from the pen that he held in his own hand to the blank sheet of paper upon the clipboard that he was holding in his other. Concentrating, he lifted the pen to the paper and began scratching at the page. After a moment, he stopped – eyes wide and ears straight as he stared at the marks he had made. Forgetting all about Lucifer, the demon focused harder on what he was doing and continued to scribble away with the pen.

Nodding his head, Lucifer bent himself back over his own work.

Later, Lucifer’s mind was wandering again, and his hand had begun to cramp. Lifting his wrist, he flexed it and his fingers and decided that he had had enough of that today. Pushing back from the desk, he stretched himself and yawned. He needed a drink.

Standing, he stretched himself again before going to where the Disposable demon sat, tucked away in the nook, still very focused on what he was doing.

“It’s getting late, you wanna call it a night?” Lucifer asked him.

The DiPO jerked his head up, surprised at seeing Lucifer there.

“What have you been working on over here that’s got you so absorbed?” Lucifer reached for the clipboard.

The Disposable readily handed it to him; offering the pen back as well, but Lucifer had forgotten it.

All across the sheet of paper were letters…letters forming into a name that repeated itself over and over all across the page:

ALASTOR

Chapter 6

[bengiyo]

Marahuyo Project Eps 3 & 4 Stray Thoughts

Last time, we met King, our out queer activist, whose family moved him to Marahuyo after he was expelled from his high school for making out with his friend and then knocking down the dean. Here, on an island with only 12 hours of electricity a day, King finds himself with little queer community and so decides to build it himself. He bonded with Venice, a trans girl in his class, to build an LGBTQIA+ organization in their school. Unfortunately, he must get the approval of the student council president and then the board. King believes the president is his enemy, but it’s clear these two are vibing. We’re also detecting queers all over the place, particularly Lorena and Lili. I’m having a blast to finally be back in the Philippines and to have a show not in the bubble.

Episode 3: Sidapa At Bulan

I’m getting really sad for Ino. I grew up in a city, and so as I started to figure out myself I was able to go online and express that. All he can do is write his letters to the cosmos and the gods and leave them on a rotting boat.

I am so happy for Venice that she has a friend. She’s clearly resurging out of her shell.

OOF, this eye contact scene.

Wow, Lili is smart enough to make sure they’re actually alone in the bathroom before having a serious conversation.

That’s right, Lorena, you take the time to figure out what queerness means to you.

Omg are we faking distress now??

CPR could actually break his ribs, so this is probably a terrible idea.

I’m glad they didn’t touch lips like this.

Okay, that tongue in cheek moment was something else. Holy shit.

I’m a fan of the plan to write letters back to Ino!

I bet it was Ino who vandalized the mural. This mermaid thing is too specific to the people of Marahuyo.

Marco, STFU. This is not about you! Lorena is standing up for her friend! FFS!

I always feel so much for people like Lorie in the community. Lorie never intended to come out, but she did to protect someone else in her community with a show of solidarity. I also came out because I didn’t want to hurt a woman I admired and respected a lot.

Archie and Venice were definitely close before. He knows way too much about her, and is constantly trying to protect her.

I do love how plain the politics of this show are. Drawing the comparison of people wanting to defend Ino’s family and reputation with the lack of defense for King and his friends is a strong note. It’s especially potent because Ino seems to have serious angst about his family’s reputation.

I love the notes exchange. Ino is smart, and definitely suspects that he’s actually writing to King. This is such a great way for him to work up his courage and comfort.

Episode 4: Santelmo

Wow. Cutting his hair while King was asleep is so, so violent.

King, please do not embarrass yourself IN A BARBERSHOP!

The barber may have done a good job with the haircut, but I’m still mad about his mom cutting his hair.

King is correct. Ino is way more attractive when he’s experiencing joy or amusement.

I love Venice. She came over to call out King on his bullshit and then immediately started teasing.

It’s 2024! We all verse now!

Okay, Lorie, that’s so difficult. I had wondered about her reactions whenever her dad came up in discussion.

Oh no. Does Venice know who died by the beach in the Santelmo story?

Oh ho, we’re sitting on a log on the beach and talking about love. I really love the way Adrian turns to the camera as King.

I actually love that King as a character is jaded about love. He’s not building an organization because he’s looking to smash or for love. He’s building it because he believes in community for people like him.

That being said, he’s so ridiculous about Ino.

COUPLE KEY CHAINS ALREADY??

Do we have any fans from the Philippines watching on Tumblr? I’d like some additional linguistic context about the ‘mermaid’ term. Getting the sense that Ino’s dad left for a queer relationship.

King’s shirt looks even gayer during this splashing scene.

They let these boys ride the bike themselves at night? Brave choices from this production team.

Wow, an even gayer crop top.

This grief scene was devastating.

Archie, dude, you’re killing me. You lost one trans friend. Why shove the other away like this?

Yeah, the mom basically just told Ino, “Don’t be gay.”

Um, I’m really fucking nervous about someone approaching the boat with a fucking torch.

I am absolutely in love with this show. I love that for all the posturing that there’s no queerness on Marahuyo, we now know of multiple characters who are either queer or closely related to queer people. It’s been so long since we’ve seen a show where the characters have expressed their feelings for each other in roundabout ways but won’t say it openly, and that not feel like shit. Everyone who’s seen them together can see what’s happening. I’m so nervous for Ino. I love that King is being patient with him without diminishing himself or his goals. I’m going to be thinking about Lorie abandoning the safety of heteronormativity and the closet to stand beside other queers, and also about Venice having to constantly defend hers and Christina’s names to their former best friend.

[dodecalemma]

If you are queer and have been thinking about going to a traditional barbershop but are worried bc you don’t look like the typical traditional barbershop patron, this is for you:

When I first started going to barbershops instead of salons I was so nervous. All the messaging online was “barbershops are manly men places for god fearing manly MEN to do their MAN business” and I didn’t identify or look that way. Would they look at me weird or kick me out or refuse to cut my hair? I was privileged to get my first barbershop haircut in a relatively progressive college town. And it went beautifully. I felt so wonderful and cared for and affirmed like I never ever did in a salon. Getting haircuts there gave me so much joy. Then I moved to Hungary for a bit. I was in Budapest, so not as bad, but still decidedly a rather conservative place. And my Hungarian language teacher told me they would not be cool with a “woman” coming in to get a haircut. I again was nervous. I scoured places, looked for reviews etc. I finally just decided to step into the barbershop right next to my apartment one day. They recognized me as the person who walked past often on my way to class. It was run by Arab immigrants and I eagerly greeted them in Arabic. I asked them if they would cut my hair, and they seemed confused by the question. They didn’t bat an eye, told me they’d take me right way. I got a great haircut and a super slick fade. Since then I have gotten haircuts at barbershops all around the country and all around the world. And I’ve never had a bad experience. Nor has anyone I know. Maybe I’m lucky. But I like to think that barbershops are nowhere near as scary and exclusionary as people made them seem. If the upscale queer barbershops in liberal urban areas are your jam, something you have access to, and you have the funds to afford, go for it. But the best masc haircuts I have ever received have been in the little corner places. The ones that are run down. With the red and blue stripes that don’t spin anymore. The ones that have those charts of different haircuts with the numbers on them and barbers who don’t speak the local language. Those people will take care of you. They may never have heard of a queer person before but they sure as heck know how to cut hair and you need a haircut. Sending love and positive vibes to those guys and to all of you lovely folks. Try it out sometime <3

[droughtofapathy]

"Welcome to the Theatre": Diary of a Broadway Baby

Broadway Backwards 2024

March 11, 2024 | Special | BC/EFA | Evening | Concert | 2H | Fundraiser

I've already complained in detail about the lack of women, specifically old broads, in Broadway Backwards this year, so I won't repeat all that here. Overall, a solid night with some entertaining sketches. They've moved away from the overly sentimental things they've had in the past, and that's a relief. I do tire of the same sketch where a young queer twink has an unsupportive family with a shrewish bigoted mother and a sympathetic yet henpecked father. After the third year in a row, do something new. Why are women always your villains?

Highlights:

Chip Zien and Len Cairou playing old geezer gays at a bus stop, singing the pineapple song from Cabaret. Baker and Barber was a ship you never thought you needed until now.

Julie Benko in a 1930s speakeasy flirting with twenty young female dancers.

Two former Jasmine actresses actually flying around on the magic carpet (because they do this show on the Aladdin set and stage) singing "A Whole New World."

Alex Newell's "Back to Before" - it doesn't come close to touching Marin's rendition, but then, no one can. And it was damn good.

Gay Godfather sketch.

Surprise guest Debra Monk showed up at the eleventh hour, told a dirty joke, wore this snazzy white suit, and gave a wonderful speech. Genuinely, I was going to rate this night a solid "enjoyable..." but surprise Debra Monk instantly bumps it up to "a lovely night."

In short, Broadway Backwards has been just okay these last two years after a triumphant post-COVID return in 2022. I am begging them to please just bring back old broads. Who are these performers they're bringing on who have never actually been on Broadway but are popular with the kids? I don't know that man. Please. Where are my Divas? Where's Bernadette Peters in a sparkly dress?

Verdict: A Lovely Night

A Note on Ratings

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[mygrandmotherspiano]

Sure on this Shining Night arr. for chorus, Op. 33, No. 3 by Samuel Barber  Librettist: James Agee The Joyful Company of Singers conducted by Peter Broadbent Anthony Saunders, piano ----- Sure on this shining night Of star made shadows round, Kindness must watch for me This side the ground. The late year lies down the north. All is healed, all is health. High summer holds the earth. Hearts all whole. Sure on this shining night I weep for wonder wand'ring far alone Of shadows on the stars. ----- I’m a writer and a reader at heart. As the arts go, it’s actually my first love. Before music or dance or theatre, there was the magic of written word. I’m always in awe of how a few flecks of black ink arranged just so can draw out a fresco of thought and emotion. I remember when I first sang this, I took the meaning of the words on their face. I’m an avid night hiker and stargazer so I was drawn to the feeling of walking in the enveloping dark, with the warm light of your house behind you. Your back to it, so it doesn’t mess with your night vision. But it is there still... you can go back whenever you like. Then one of my fellow singers started talking about the poem as a metaphor for death. And I was overwhelmed anew with this feeling of... well, not being able to go back. I actually had to excuse myself to “go to the bathroom” because the emotion was so powerful.  And maybe “death” is a bit much, though accurate to the intention. Who can say but the writer themselves... But this idea that you’ve wandered off into something strange and beautiful and perhaps more appropriate for you... but you can’t go back to what once was. Sometimes once you leave... that’s it.  I’ve seen my share of change this year. There is a whole life that I left behind that I will never be able to return to... and there are parts of it I sometimes do. My relationship with my parents is fundamentally altered... I came out as queer and moved in with my partners. No putting that genie back in the bottle with them... but there’s no putting the genie of the wonderful relationship growth I’ve experienced with my partners back in the bottle either. And I’d never want to. I left a job that had turned quite suddenly toxic. I hurt some people who could be influential with my career and there’s no going back from that. Time will only tell if I’ll regret it more or less. Right now it’s less. And I think I’ll always feel it was the right choice. But that doesn’t stop the tension of that pull. That sadness. That melancholy for what was... however imperfect. That’s life. It’s always changing. My world got small this year... even though my house and household both are larger. It’s been bittersweet. My mentor in theatre once gave me some advice to help fight indecision... “Choose something to depart from.” I feel like that’s what we’re ultimately doing throughout life... making choices that we can depart from later. Building foundations that will raise us up to the next step... or at least give us enough clearance to jump when we need to escape.  Cheers everyone... hope you’ve enjoyed the choir music this month. Let me know what else you’d like to see or hear. I’m all ears. Much love!

[just-a-poor-boy-queen]

70s Jimercury

I know this was completed brilliantly by another anon, but I wanted to give it a try myself because it’s such a funny prompt. Credit goes to the anon who came up with this.

Warning for some outdated language regarding gay people (e.g., queer, homosexual, etc.)

‘In my defence,’ said Roger, as the car went over a speed bump and he temporarily lost his balance, almost ending up on Brian’s lap, ‘it was John who dared me to put chewing gum in your hair, so technically this is all his fault.’

‘Don’t even talk to me.’ Brian growled, his expression so dark it made Roger feel like a ghost had passed through him. ‘You’re lucky Miami was able to get me this appointment at such short notice. If he hadn’t, you and Deacy would be arriving to that photoshoot tonight in a hearse.’

‘You’re breaking my heart, Bri.’ Roger yawned, leaning back in his seat. ‘Don’t get your knickers in a twist; the nice barber man will trim your bush and you’ll be good as new for your close up.’

‘Oh yeah, with a whopping great bald patch!’

‘Such a pessimist. Trust me; one day we’ll be sitting on my front lawn, sipping tea, and laughing about this.’

Brian’s face remained bland as a stone.

‘Oh, cheer up, would you?’ The drummer threw up his arms in defeat. ‘We already have one miserable bastard in this band, we don’t need another one.’

Brian sighed, staring out of the darkened window as his mind turned to their ailing frontman. Freddie hadn’t been the same since his breakup with David Minns. David was, after all, his first proper love; he had given Freddie the courage to finally come to terms with who he really was and end his fraudulent relationship with Mary. There was something about David that brought Freddie to life in a way that Brian had never seen before. When David was around, he glowed with an energy that didn’t seem humanly possible.

But all relationships have their ups and downs. Freddie never went into detail about the rows that occurred between he and David, but Brian had heard through the grapevine that there were several contributing factors to the breakup, ranging from Freddie's strained relationship with his parents to arguments becoming physical. But the real catalyst came in the form of a blond American man named Joe Fanelli; and Freddie being Freddie, he just couldn’t resist temptation when it was offered up to him on a silver platter.

The aftermath of the separation had been…devastating to say the least. The spark in Freddie had almost vanished entirely, replaced with an emotionless husk. He had no motivation, not even to perform; his days were spent hidden away in his hotel room, refusing to emerge, even for the most basic necessities like food and water. And the others had no choice but to sit and watch his self-destruction.

‘We need to do something about him.’ Brian announced, as the car pulled up to the curb where security was already waiting for them. ‘It’s been two weeks and he’s barely shifted from that bed. We’ll need to stage a fucking intervention at this point.’

‘One problem at a time, Bri.’ Roger replied as the car door was pulled open. ‘Now hop it, Miami will eat us alive if we’re late.’

They made it into the Savoy without being detected by any lurking members of the public; Brian sighed in relief as he was led into the salon and all but collapsed in the barber chair. He just wanted to get his hair sorted and then leave as soon as possible. He was tired, he was hungry, and he felt fucking awful for making some poor underpaid hairdresser stay behind after hours to battle with his curly mop. He just hoped he’d be able to keep up with the endless questions that would undoubtedly be coming his way; after all, it wasn’t every day you got to trim a celebrity’s noggin, was it?

‘Alright lads?’ A thick, friendly Irish accent suddenly filled the room, and the two of them turned to see an average sized man with a dark, thick beard pop out from behind the counter, a large black gown draped on his arm and a toolbag under the other. ‘What can I do for you today?’

Brian motioned to the wad of gum stuck in his curls. ‘Going to need to take a chunk out of my head, I’m afraid. This one over hear thought it would be funny to use my skull as a school desk.’

‘It was a dare.’ Roger grumbled.

The man chuckled humorously. ‘Let’s have a look at it before we do anything rash.’ He draped the gown around Brian’s front, before opening up the toolbag and setting out the various instruments on the counter. ‘I’m Jim by the way.’

‘Brian. The smug twat sitting over there is Roger.’

Said twat pulled a face. ‘Oi!’

The first thing that struck Brian was that this fellow didn’t appear to recognise them at all. They chatted about nearly everything except music; and when the conversation turned to work and Jim asked what Brian did for a living, the guitarist was certain that someone was pulling his leg. Had Miami really managed to find the one barber in London who had no idea who Queen was?

‘We’re musicians.’ He replied, glancing in the mirror for any sign of recognition in Jim’s eyes. ‘We actually have our own band. Ever heard of Queen?’

The barber frowned slightly in thought. ‘Queen? Sorry, doesn’t ring any bells. I’m not really up to date with today’s music. Does your band perform locally?’

‘On occasion.’

‘Had any success?’

‘We do alright for ourselves.’ Brian glared at Roger as the drummer sniggered in the background.

‘Good news.’ Declared Jim, after ten minutes of fiddling about with Brian’s forest of curls. ‘I should be able to shift this with a bit of conditioner. No cutting needed.’

‘Are you serious?’ Brian could have kissed the man if he was that way inclined. ‘Mate, that’s fantastic.’

Jim excused himself to go into the back room, oblivious to the pair of narrowed blue eyes that followed him, studying every step. Roger, who had been silent throughout the exchange between the other two men, suddenly twiddled his fingers together like a Bond villain and quietly muttered, ‘queer.’

Brian stopped fussing with his hair long enough to turn towards him. ‘You what?’

‘Him.’ Roger pointed towards the door that Jim had just disappeared through. ‘Queer. I’d bet the Red Special on it.’

‘Roger, you can’t just go around calling people queer.’ Brian could feel his face heating up, praying the Irishman didn’t have sharp hearing. ‘Besides, how the bloody hell would you know if he’s queer or not? It’s not like he has it written on his forehead.’

‘Trust me, I know these things. Call it a sixth sense. Saw it coming from a mile away with Freddie.’

‘Did not.’

‘Did so, Brian. Unlike you, this sort of thing doesn’t fly over my head.’

Brian rolled his eyes. ‘Alright, let’s say he is queer. What’s that got to do with anything?’

‘Isn’t it obvious? He’d be perfect for Freddie.’

‘Seriously, Roger? You want to play matchmaker now? How exactly is he “perfect” for Freddie?’

‘He looks like Burt Reynolds, he spent ages gushing about his pet cat, and it’s pretty obvious he has no fucking idea who Queen are. Freddie’s always been a sucker for the average Joe.’

Brian opened his mouth to argue. Then he closed it again, immediately. Roger was…pretty damn spot on.

‘I say we get Freddie in here to meet him.’ Roger murmured, as Jim returned from the back room, bottle of conditioner in hand.

‘Sorry for the wait.’ The Irishman poured a dollop onto his palm, before carefully working it into the gum-infested locks. ‘Let’s see if we can get this bugger out.’

No less than five minutes later, the gum had been safely removed and Brian was a free man again. Miami had already covered the cost for the cut, but Brian insisted on leaving Jim a tip, eternally grateful that his pride and joy was still neatly intact. Maybe Roger had a point; Jim seemed like a decent bloke. Calm, friendly, ordinary in an endearing way. Broad and muscular like Freddie preferred, though not overly tall (though everyone was dwarfed in Brian’s presence.) And now that he thought about it, he did look a bit like Burt Reynolds…

‘You wouldn’t be able to do us a favour, would you Jim?’

‘Just name it.’ Jim replied, still staring gormlessly at the fifty-pound note in his hand.

‘We have a friend who’s in desperate need of a trim.’ The lie fell off Brian’s tongue so easily, it almost made him uncomfortable. ‘Would I be able to arrange an appointment for him with you next week? It would have to be after hours again, but-’

‘No problem.’ Jim quickly came to his sense and shoved the money in his pocket. ‘I can put him down for Friday if that works?’

‘Perfect! See you then.’

He all but dragged Roger out of the salon, wading through the small crowd of fans who had congregated outside the building after being tipped off about their presence, and quickly diving into the car waiting on the curb.

‘Not one word.’ He said between his teeth, as Roger flashed him a smirk that said, “I told you so.” (1/2)

--------------------------------------------------

First of all, I am so sorry for posting this so late! I had a really busy day, and haven't had a moment to myself until now.

And now...

I FUCKING LOVE THIS! The earlier drabble by another anon was wonderful, and this one is equally good!

Lmao, I loved this line:

Brian motioned to the wad of gum stuck in his curls. ‘Going to need to take a chunk out of my head, I’m afraid. This one over hear thought it would be funny to use my skull as a school desk.’

Hahaha this was so damn funny, and sweet and oh god simply amazing!

(More drabbles by writer anon)

[cupofteainme]

Young Royals managed to surprise me with Nils and Stella. Them being queer wasn't the only part of their character, I had no idea about them in season 1. I shouldn't have been surprised. All the characters have been nuanced in the show. I'm just too used to queer people only having certain storylines or functions in media.

I feel the same way as @bluedalahorse Give me all the queerness. I'm as excited as anyone about the next Wilmon kiss we're going to see, but I'm also thrilled to see how the monarchy and Hillerska and it's students and teachers are going to deal with Wille's queerness.

Ayub is such a good character. I did wonder about him doing the live from karaoke night. I'm not on Instagram so I don't know how it works. Did Ayub know that Wille saw it? Also, Simon was just filmed without concent by August. I wonder if he knew about Ayub filming him. Simon was in public, so it's different, but being filmed doing karaoke sounds like a nightmare to me 😅

I like that Ayub's character isn't one note either. I've had an idea for a fic of an adult Ayub being a barber and taking care of Simon's hair. Silent Bjärstad. Just Ayub listening to Simon and cutting the tips of his wet curls.

When I say I love queerness in my media I do mean I love depictions of same-sex attraction and desire and intimacy.

But I also mean that I love the entire queer umbrella. I love characters deliberately or unknowingly pushing against socially-mandated gender roles and gender expression. I love characters leaning into these rules in an exaggerated way so as to showcase their arbitrariness. I love it when characters discover their gender or experiment with it. I love characters blurring the lines between platonic and romantic affection. I love characters refusing to put their relationships in some kind of hierarchy, or navigating that relationship hierarchy in unconventional ways. I love it when intimacy doesn’t follow standard scripts about who is “taking the lead” or whatever. I love that kink exists even if not all kinks are my kink. I love polyamory. I love relationship anarchy. I love expanding the definitions of things like marriage but also throwing marriage out the window entirely when necessary. I love the creative ways queerness invites us to reinvent language to meet people’s needs and honor their truth. I love the way queerness emphasizes dialogue and understanding the specificity of our feelings. I love it when characters aggressively claim labels and also when they aggressively refuse them. I love the deep valuing of friendship that is so essential to queer life.

Anyway, Ayub and Simon on FaceTime with one another as they’re about to go to sleep, and holding emotional space for one another in a way that boys aren’t usually encouraged to do, feels just as queer and wonderful to me as every time Wilhelm and Simon hold hands.

It’s kind of hard to explain that sometimes, but I think I managed to put it into words just now.

[lightwoodsmagic]

WIP folder 📒

I’ve had a bit of a rough writing time lately, so I banned myself from Tumblr for a bit and when I came back, I had so many lovely people tag me to share the WIPs I currently have! Thank you so much @haztobegood @runaway-train-works @jacaranda-bloom @bitter-leaf and @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed; you’re all so wonderful! 💕

Right. So. Here we go.

Fests/exchanges/etc

I’m bad at remembering what should be anon and what shouldn’t, sooooo. Apologies.

🎄 @1dchristmasfest

I’ve got a lovely office AU Ziam fic for this, featuring awkward, drunk, impromptu stripper Zayn, and pining Liam. Good shit.

⛓ @hlkinkexchange

So there’s no emoji that combines intricate and beautiful leatherwork, a vineyard, isolated Harry and enthusiastic Louis, and a master at his craft. So, have some chains instead. You all get it.

👑 @hlroyaltyfest

This fic involves social media, a fandom, and Louis having no idea that his online friend Harry is Prince Harry, and falling in love with him anyway. I am EXCITED.

🎮 @larrygamingfest

I am BEYOND keen for this fic. I’m writing a Bioshock Infinite AU with Louis as Booker’s character and Harry as Elizabeth’s, but changing up some things to create my own little twists and plot lines. I’m including some extra stuff from the original Bioshocks, and I’m BLOODY excited. She’s gonna be a doozy and a half, and a monster.

👮🏻‍♂️ @onedirectionbigbang

My FAVOURITE WIP. My Ziam Miss Congeniality AU that I’ve been working on forever. It’s gonna be massive, and have more crime-based, more tension and danger and protectiveness, more everything than the original. I can’t fucking wait for you all to read it.

Sequels

WIPs I currently have that extend from any of my current fics!

✨ The Lone Hygrangea sequel

This focuses basically on Ziam, because Zayn wasn’t in TLH and I was desperate to put him in. The story wrote itself. Tattoo artist/wizard Zayn who works for Niall at a tattoo parlour that does both wizarding and muggle tattoos. Liam as the teacher whose best friend just started dating that lovely florist next door to Niall’s shop. I had this planned as I was writing the original one.

⚡️ Just As Fast, Twice As Dangerous sequel

Another sequel I was dying to write as I was writing the original. Ziam dealing with Zayn’s powers and moving forward in their relationship. I love writing in this universe. Empath Zayn is my favourite Zayn I’ve written.

Other fics

🎙 Meet & Greet AU

A Ziam fic based on a snippet I wrote recently from a prompt from @ltwalls2020 🥰 where Zayn takes his sister to Liam’s M&G and they...vibe. I’ve always wanted to write a f/nf, and I already love this so much.

💈Barber AU

Often egged on by @larryscurves for this one, but it’s actually almost done! I’ve just had to put it aside for a sec. Barber Liam has the shop next to florist Zayn, and they DO NOT get along, aside from the mass amounts of sexual tension. Featuring a very tension-heavy scene with a straight razor. There’s a lil’ snippet here!

🥘YouTube cooking channel AU

This is based on the channel Sorted Food, which five British best friends who cook, have challenges, and are the funniest arseholes ever. Two of them are trained chefs, the other three are just normal. It’s my favourite YouTube channel, and if you know it, let me know, and I’ll tell you who’s based on who. I’ve obviously made it super gay, though. Featuring Larry and Ziam! And Niall, obviously.

💍 Event Coordinator AU

I have been writing this fic for YEARS. Literally. It started as a different fandom. All you need to know is that it’s head chef Harry, who works for a catering company that specialises in corporate (or boring) events and hates it, and event coordinator Louis with a flair for creativity and individuality. Features sous chef Liam, florist Zayn (fuck me, I love a good florist fic, hey? Can you tell I used to be one?), audio tech Niall, numerous venues around London, sexuality exploration, and saving each other. IT’S SOME GOOD SHIT if I do say so myself. I hope you all love her, she’s my baby. She won’t be around for a while yet, though.

🌎 Bodyguard fic

Mar needs to stop sending me prompts because they’re all pure gold. This one is Ziam, new but still started the outline. Liam is hired as Zayn’s bodyguard when him and his colleagues are threatened, which is made complicated by the fact that Zayn is an interpreter for the UN, and these guys mean serious business. Also made complicated by the fact that they have history, but not the kind you’d expect.

🌈 Queer chorus AU

Based on the adult choir I joined a couple of years ago! It has friends Harry and Zayn not knowing quite where they belong, Niall helping them feel safe and welcome, and accompanist Liam and musical director Louis who make it feel like home. Full of lots of big, queer feelings, music, and absolutely falling in love. Aw yessss.

And a couple of other bits and pieces :)

Um, okay, so I feeeeel like lots of people have been tagged, but I tag @forreveries @lululawrence @allwaswell16 @laynefaire @ferricadooza @2tiedships2 @hogwartzlou @wallstagram and anyone else who wants to do it!

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching Good Omens (ALL OF IT)

my favourite novel is now my favourite mini-series and IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

under the cut: a very long, spoilery six-episode reaction to MY NEW FAVOURITE THING EVER

--

may 31st 07:36pm nz

i posted my episode 1 reaction a couple hours ago but that got ZERO NOTES so i assume people are either avoiding spoilers or aren’t interested, which is fine, but i’m just gonna put all my reactions in one big post so anyone who IS interested doesn’t have to read 6 separate posts c:

edit june 1st 04:08am: btw i watched using a free trial on amazon prime, which i’m pretty sure is worldwide. soooo if yOU WANT TO WATCH THIS, YOU CAN, FOR FREE

--

EPISODE 1: In the Beginning

--

04:03pm

idk how much i’m gonna type, whether i’ll post a reaction to the entire thing in one post....... or how much i’ll end up watching right now

kinda want to spread it out and save it as a treat for after i’ve done some writing

but right now i wanna watch before writing

so maybe i’ll do one ep, write something, then return to this?

edit: aahhaha that didn’t happen

-

04:04pm

I’M SO EXCITED

I’VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG

well... since 2011 when i first read the book

but regardless it’S BEEN 84 YEARS

-

04:05

okay first off i did not know amazon prime did adverts at the start of their videos. so i was like SINCE WHEN WAS CHILDISH GAMBINO/DONALD GLOVER IN GOOD OMENS

and then

yeah

no

either way i thought it was a good opening

-

W A R

NING

cool cool cool cool cool

-

omg i’m used to where the netflix full-screen button is, and on amazon prime that’s the “next episode” button so i gotta be real careful

-

dear god my video quality is TERRIBLE

i.......... i might torrent this show and watch it offline

this is horrendous i can’t see a damn thing

i have never seen pixels this big

-

04:11

okay the quality calmed down after a minute

i loooove the intro, i love that it’s basically word for word from the book

i feel like i’d find it funnier if i hadn’t read the book 3 months ago

-

also? god is a woman? yes

-

04:13

is it just me or does the snek have a slightly david tennant-esque quality about it

-

i’m so happy adam and eve are black

-

04:17

omfg. aziraphale said “ineffable” and now CRAWLEY’S CHECKING HIM OUT TRYING TO SEE IF HE HAS ANY JUNK

WOW

...or y’know, looking for a flaming sword. SAME FUCKING THING.

-

also i looove how FLUFFY azi is

-

azi: “do hope i didn’t do the wrong thing”

i fucking love them both uhrgughhhuhuhughuhhh

-

04:21

small sob for cuteness

umbella wings

-

04:23

in the opening titles, crowley just stopped a spaceship and aziraphale turned it into fish

i feel like that was a douglas adams reference and i’m on board

-

04:25

the entire time i read the book, up until i saw video promos of this show, i thought “crowley” was said the same way as spn’s “crowley”, as in “crahwlee”

not “crOhwlee”

i definitely like that they’re different though

both probably named after aleister crowley tbh. all of whom are queer.

-

THOSE SWAYING HIPS

i haven’t found david tennant attractive in about 9 years but WHOOOP HELLO AGAIN

somehow attractive for entirely different reasons than before. like. my taste changed but tHEN

-

i’m on crowley’s side, taking down a cellphone network is VERY ANNOYING

-

04:35

crowley: shitshitshitshithsit

:D

i can’t wait for aziraphale’s big swear

-

04:37

i miss eating sushi

sushi was great

-

04:43

this baby delivery thing is sTRESSFUL

“aaaaurthurrrrr”

nooo

poor lady

-

04:45

“little toesie woesies”

where’s the sister mary loquacious fan club and where do i sign up

-

i’m glad they colour-coded the babies and did the playing card explanation because this part of the book always tied my brain in knots

-

05:00

this is reminding me how utterly gross england is

-

“MY POINT IS............. DOLPHINS”

YES

-

05:06

see in the book

i never once realised that the nanny was crowley in disguise

-

05:11

digging the snake tattoo sideburns

-

05:14

and yeah the short hair looks good

-

05:15

fINALLY crowley called azi “angel”

-

05:17

crowley: “oh no no don’t do your magic act, pleeease”

the magic act scene is one of my fave parts of the book <3

-

05:20

aw man they cut out the best part

i mean i get why

the kids shouted a bunch of gay slurs at aziraphale

and there were no secret service people with guns

but aw mannn

AND THEY CUT OUT THE BIT WITH THE DEAD DOVE AND CROWLEY BRINGS IT BACK TO LIFE FOR AZIRAPHALE

THAT WAS MY SINGLE FAVOURITE BIT OF THE BOOK

AND IT’S GONE

;C

-

OH WAIT

THERE’S THE DOVE

OH GOOD

-

aw man aziraphhale just brought it back himself

i liked it better in the book

they sat on the steps outside and crowley comforted azi and took the dove and fixed it for him, and then it flew off

idk i just had such a perfect image of that moment in my mind and this was..... good but not the same at all

could be gayer

-

05:27

good dog

-

05:28

crowley: *snifsnif* something’s changed

aziraphale: “oh it’s a new cologne, my barber suggeste--”

crowley: “no no i know what you smell like”

gayyyyyyyyyy <3

-

05:31

okay that’s ep 1 watched!!! i’ll watch more maybe later tonight :D

ENJOYING THIS SO FAR

not as gay as expected ........YET

needs 400% more “angel” and “dear”

--

EPISODE 2: The Book

07:42pm

pillar of salt guy: “something smells evil”

the fact crowley smells evil and yet aziraphale likes his company regardless says a lot

-

07:49

fully expected crowley to say “i didn’t fall, i sauntered vaguely downwards”

-

07:50

iiiii’m finding the narrator a little annoying

maybe it’s because i read the book so i know what’s going on

but saying “he has four items to deliver in his van. he works for this postage company and he’s making his first delivery in a formal warzone”.... idk i feel like all of those things could be shown visually? saying it rather than showing it probably saved seven seconds of airtime, but damn

-

07:56

i wonder if the narrator was a later addition to this, for new audience clarity? the script for god just seems a little stilted, idk

edit: i kind of got used to it, but it was still jarring, which i’m sure was the opposite of the intended effect

-

08:09

the saddest newt

-

08:13

she’s kind of exactly how i imagined her in the book

and definitely my fave next to aziraphale and crowley

-

08:17

i feel so bad for crowley’s plants

poor babies

-

08:19

for some reason i imagined her as a redhead. kind of more like mrs weasley

-

08:33

these wee children......... so soft.......... so smol

-

08:25

v happy with the casting for pepper

tiny downside is that we lose another redhead

-

08:29

i find the kids’ conversations hilarious because they’re the same age as harry potter when he goes to hogwarts the first time

idk if this is what eleven year olds are like in real life, but when i read the book i did feel distinctly like they spoke like eight year olds

-

08:35

crowley: “i like spooky. big spooky fan, me”

he just sounds like the tenth doctor

-

08:36

YEEE FINALLY CROWLeY DOING NICE THINGS FOR AZIRAPHALE

-

08:48

"you know, crowley, i’ve always said that deep down you really are a--”

“SHUT IT”

DON’T YOU CALL HIM NICE YOU PRETTY BASTARD

-

loquacious: “sorry to break up an intimate moment”

-

08:45

i imagined anathema’s tripod thing to be about 5 feet tall, not a cute little knee-high thing

-

08:48

freddie mercury: BIIIII CYCLE

BIIIIIIII CYCLE

yeah i was waiting for that

-

crowley: “get in, angel”

HE MURMURED

DON’T MURMUR YOUR TERMS OF ENDEARMENT noo

-

09:00

end of episode 2!!! i freaking loved aziraphale vs the book <3

-

the credits for this ep credit konnie huq as someone named pam but idk who that is? i had a crush on konnie huq as a kid when she was a presenter on “blue peter”

OH WAIT RIGHT the lady on the breakfast show on crowley’s tv. aw such a small part. hoping we’ll see her again later

edit: nope. might rewatch that part to pay more attention. obviously i didn’t even recognise her after like.. 15 years

--

EPISODE 3: Hard Times

09:05pm

brb gotta get some food

-

09:14

and now i wait for food

EPISODE THREE LET’S GO

is this the one that’s just crowley and azi’s backstory?

-

09:16

i can’t even put my finger on why but he’s getting more attractive

-

09:21

ah yes

aziraphale is eating shellfish and trying to tempt crowley

“oh... that’s your job”

i love this part of their dynamic

-

09:29

i adore when crowley makes aziraphale smile <3

-

09:43

SAUNTERED VAGUELY DOWNWARDS

YEE

-

i like seeing how crowley’s sunglasses differ throughout history

-

09:36

“if they knew i’d been... fraternising”

this is such a forbidden romance i love ittttt

-

09:49

CROWLEY SAVED THE BOOKS

and SOFT VIOLIN PLAYS

THIS IS A FUCKING LOVE STORY

k this is my favourite part of the show so far <3

-

09:50

this angel just fell in love

right in that moment

i see cartoon hearts around him

-

09:54

just had to pause for a second bc there was some broccoli in my tea :c

-

09:56

awwwwwwwwwwwwww 

he got him holy waterrrrrrr

-

UNIVERSAL ANGLE OF HETEROSEXUAL LONGING

-

definitely feeling a lot of “NOW KISS” right about now

-

09:59

LAUGHING BECAUSE THE OPENING CREDITS ARE LITERALLY HALFWAY INTO THE EPISODE

-

10:03

throughout the entire book azi just came across as the kind of person who wore glasses even though glasses were never once mentioned

I AM GLAD TO SEE GLASSES

-

10:12

i like this colour palette and the gold in their makeup

-

10:27

“we can go off together”

omg the world’s ending and crowley’s all RUN AWAY WITH MEEE

-

10:31

okay then

good eyelashes

edit: i also like how their relationship was explained with a simple tap on the wrist: hurry up, you’re on the clock, i’m a sex worker, finish your call because i’m leaving

-

10:32

episode three DONE

these eps don’t feel long enough

maybe that means the pacing is just right? who knows

i feel like i should be doing something other than watching this but..... why

--

EPISODE 4: Saturday Morning Funtime

10:48pm

aziraphale is SOFT and he’s perfect like that <3

fuck u gabriel and your body shaming

-

10:53

i want delivery guy to be okay BUT I READ THE BOOK

so............... i know he will be...... eventually

-

10:55

how did they get photographs taken in the 1600s

-

oh gabriel’s eyes ARE purple, i thought i was seeing them wrong

-

11:02

“maud i love you”

noo ho hoooo

-

11:09

a little douglas adams, definitely

BUT NO PEPPER POT DALEK

AWW

-

11:10

the season is very much jumping between summer and autumn

though i suppose that’s the point, tadfield is just perfect

-

11:12

“which the internet has begun to refer to as the kracken”

i wonder if good omens inadvertently inspired me to write The Wireless a couple of years back. wouldn’t be surprising

edit: no, couldn’t have, because the internet wasn’t much of a thing (or a thing at all?) in the book, given its publish date

-

11:20

that’s a v nice dress/top combo

gosh she’s so pretty

-

11:30

crowley: “we can run away together!!! alpha centauri!!!”

aw baby

-

crowley: “i’m going home, angel! i’m getting my stuff, and i am leaving. and when i am up in the stars, i won’t even think about you!!”

THAT WAS A V SAD BREAKUP NOOOOO

why has there not been a single “dear” yet :c

-

11:37

oh no, this part

i loved this in the book but i am NOT READY for maggots

damn you gaiman

-

11:39

he’s so cute

and so gay

-

11:42

uriel: “don’t think your boyfriend in the dark glasses will get you special treatment in hell”

he looks kinda delighted uriel called crowley his boyfriend

i would say he looks worried but this shot was used without context in the trailer and it came across as genuine joy, i actually thought he was looking at crowley

-

11:46

i thought it was a strange throne before

a spider at the centre of a web

dark halo

yeah

-

11:51

oh now she’s a redhead???

-

also i’m glad they implied newt and anathema just kissed because the sex thing was weird in the book

-

okay never mind

hmm

-

12:05

aziraphale: “oh.................ffffUCK.”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

-

12:07

oh no

it’s happening

oh no

i hate this part but i love what happens because of it

-

12:29am

i have eaten and now i have tea and i am back from MORE BOOKSHOP FIRE

-

EPISODE 5: The Doomsday Option

12:31

nuuuuuuuuuu

and “you’re my best friend” playing while crowley’s tryna call azi

nuuuuuu

-

“somebody killed my best friend”

jfhsdfjsdj

/sobs

-

12:36

freddie mercury: “somebody find me somebody tooo ooo looove”

edit: the narration WRECKED this. it was so dramatic and visually emotional but the voiceover completely screwed with it and it was SO UNNECESSARY.

-

12:46

crowley: “i lost my best friend”

he says, while crying, while talking to that friend

-

THE ONE BOOK HE WANTS IS THE ONE CROWLEY SAVED

THEY’RE SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER

-

azi wanted to share crowley’s body

and then said they had to get a wiggle on

-

12:52

they cut out the hell’s angels / lesser horsemen

i figured they would, but still a shame

-

1:54

in the book tracy’s “spirit guide” was native american but daaaaaamn that part really needed to go

now she’s irish which is... better, probably

-

01:01

ron: “SHUT. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP”

this guy’s having the time of his life

-

01:03

he wave

-

01:05

1926 bentley; sexiest car right next to the ‘67 chevy impala

-

01:08

omg gotta translate and explain the road

-

01:13

OH NO the maggots are about to happen

they changed the placement of this but it worked for the pacing

-

OH NO

-

k well the maggots were gross but not as bad as i imagined

-

01:31

omg the dog turned upside down rather than be picked up

i wonder if that was intentional

dog: I DO NOT WANT UP

-

01:34

pfff he’s reading “american gods” by neil gaiman

-

01:44am

10/10 flaming car

-

EPISODE 6: The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives

01:51am

here we go...

-

01:55

azi so happy that crowley said the dress suits him <3

-

01:57

rip bentley

-

01:59

aziraphale: “we are here to lick some serious butt!!”

crowley: “kick!! kick, aziraphale, for heaven’s sake”

-

02:06

i freaking love the parallel between the Them and the horsemen in the book

and i love that they did face shots to show the parallel

pepper = war

wensleydale = famine

brian = pollution

adam = death

the parallel is less clear for brian and wensleydale, at least in the show. was more obvious in the book. but at the same time i kind of got confused between them a lot, brian was always eating, but wensleydale was named after cheese

-

02:14

pepper: “i do not endorse everyday sexism”

/STOMPS ON WAR’S FOOT

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

-

02:25

shadwell: “anyone who wants ta get ta the hoore of babylon will have to get past me”

earlier anathema said “boyfriend”

may i point out that all the adults are paired up

shadwell & madame tracy

newt & anathema

......and....

aziraphale and crowley

-

0:28

crowley: “we are FUCKED”

these two need a holiday

-

azi: “come up with something... or.... or i’ll never talk to you again”

he knows crowley loves him aww

perfect blackmail material

-

02:32

they went from trying to kill him to being his gay angel parents real quick

-

02:35

thought they were holding hands for a second there

edit: regardless, a whole damn airfield and they’re 2cm apart

-

02:39

happy ending for the postman, hooray~

-

crowley about the bookshop, softly: “it burned down. remember? you can stay at my place”

awwWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

-

02:42

CROWLEY GOT HIS CAR BACK AND YET HE TOOK A TAXI

-

02:45

anathema: “why is your car called dick turpin?”

newt: “dick turpin is a famous highwayman. it’s called dick turpin because everywhere it goes, it holds up traffic”

i laughed

this wasn’t in the book and i always wondered

-

02:51

i wonder if holy water wouldn’t burn him because he’s too good

-

03:00

gabriel: “don’t talk to me about the greater good, sunshine, i’m the angel fucking gabriel”

really enjoying these swears

-

03:03

i thought so

-

03:30am

paused for a bit to get ready for bed

i thought it was after 4am but nope

-

“there would be other summers, but not one like this. not ever again”

that genuinely makes me emotional

i think that’s why it’s my favourite book, i can relive that summer with them

-

03:35

omg

-

OH MY GOD

WAIT

THEY

OH MY GOD

THEY WEREN’T IMMUNE, THEY JUST SWAPPED PLACES

HOLY SHIT

edit: THIS WAS NOT IN THE BOOK AND IT’S BRILLIANT AND I’M GLAD IT’S HERE

-

crowley: “let me tempt you to a spot of lunch?

azi: “~temptation accomplished~!”

THEY’RE SO STINKING CUTE

-

“just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing”

perfect

STILL NO USE OF “DEAR” THOUGH AND IT’S KILLING ME

-

that ending with the bird made me teary-eyed

-

credits: BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH AS SATAN

WOW

OKAY

AKSFJDSF /snorts

-

the end credits and the song i just wanna bawl my eyes out

i loved this so much and i’m so glad it was GOOD

i loved that they added so many people of colour. in the book i imagined crowley played by alexander siddig (star trek: deep space 9 era) but i guess david tennant makes a pretty good crowley too

i’m trying not to be upset that my favourite scene with the dove and aziraphale’s affectionate use of “dear” was taken out

but 

this was damn good regardless. even gayer in places than in the book

-

this nightingale song is my new favourite song

i never got the reference before

“and as we kissed and said goodnight, an nightingale sang in berkeley square:

GAY

SO GAY

i love

-

the end of the credits “For Terry”

ACTUAL OUT LOUD SOBBING

TERRY YOU WOULD’VE LOVED THIS

NEIL DID YOU PROUD

-

oh this was so beautiful

i’m gonna watch it again with my family probably within the week. i’m so emotionally tender now

azIRAPHALE WAS SO FLUFFY AND CROWLEY WAS SO NICE ABOUT THE BOOKS

ugh i love them more than ever

anathema...... i don’t know if i relate to her, want to be her, look up to her, want her to mentor me, live with her, or find her attractive. maybe all of the above. but she was freaking PERFECT. PE R F E CT 

the casting was so... just right. thank you casting people for anathema.

like... i also didn’t mind the newt/anathema thing so much now. it was hard to tell in the book how much of a relationship they had after, but that smile she gave while lying in bed the morning after, that worked, it said a lot. and i like that it was her choice to burn the prophecy sequel rather than newt’s suggestion

gabriel was amusing. like.. i’m glad he wasn’t in the book. but he was great here. also really like michael and uriel. uriel was so damn beautiful.

i also would really have liked to see a mention of the fact crowley and aziraphale are both agender and potentially asexual. not even a hint of it here. buuuuuut it guess i know from the book. so.

my favourite episode was of course episode 3 with crowley and aziraphale’s 6000 year backstory. especially the 1940s bit where crowley saved the books <3

this show was was less confusing than the book too. ugh it was done so well

OH

we didn’t see where the soldier guy went when aziraphale zapped him away!!! in the book he reappeared safely back home and went out to see his family. to be fair i don’t know whether he died and went to heaven, but it was a nice thing to happen

and they took out the Them’s bully/rival gang, who was led by the third baby from the baby swap, and who won awards for his tropical fish. at least that’s what i remember. which meant the parallel about heaven/hell being rival gangs was lost here. but the parallel between the horsemen and the them was stronger than ever and i loved that.

look, i mean, 10 out of 10, EASY.

favourite thing? yes. yes, absolutely.

--

shoutout to the one time i wrote a Good Omens/Destiel crossover fic The Angel Cake Challenge

IT’S 04:02am THIS TOOK ME 12 HOURS

04:40am AND FORTY MINUTES TO EDIT

congrats if you made it to the end of this!!! thank you for reading <3 AND GO WATCH THE SHOW IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY

[noccalula-writes]

What are your favorite games and franchises? Top 5?

OH BOY have I got feelings on this subject. 

Please keep in mind - I’m a storyteller and a writer. I fucking /love/ a good story. I DM a DnD game and my biggest weakness is that I don’t often include enough combat because I am so much more interested in telling a story. So for me, there’s got to be an emotional investment for a game to really land. I also hyperfixate like a motherfucker so I often refuse to pick up new things purely because there’s not enough space in my head for them at the time, so I’m slow getting to things as they come out. 

So, I’m first and foremost a survival horror bitch. I cut my teeth on Parasite Eve before I played any others - my mother scrimped and saved and fought her way through Wal-mart back in like 1998 to get me the original Playstation gaming console and Tekken 2 (which was my first PS game, I played it in an arcade near her barber shop as a child - Tomb Raider 2 was my second). The old Playstation discs at that time came with demos for different games, including Metal Gear Solid, which I replayed until I could have done it in my sleep because poverty meant I wasn’t likely to get another game anytime soon. I mention this because the Parasite Eve trailer used to give me nightmares but I was super, super hooked. 

I am a huge Silent Hill fan. Huge. That is a tragedy I could write a whole ‘nother post about, because as excited as I am to finally get my hands on Death Stranding (again, poverty, so it’ll be another minute before we can get a PS4), we’ll never get another SH game again unless some major reconciliation happens with Kojima and Konami, which is unlikely (and also hard to hope for - I’m happy Kojima now has the creative freedom to go as balls to the wall as he wants). 

I am an equally huge Resident Evil fan. I’ve always maintained that my first fandom was The X Files, but my wife pointed out a few nights ago that my RE love started around the same time in the late 90′s, so now it’s a chicken and egg kind of thing. Point being, it’s either The or One Of my longest lasting fandoms/interests. RE and Silent Hill get compared to one another a lot - RE7 did nothing to help that - but they really are apples and oranges to me. Fruit, sure, but two totally different tones and experiences. 

I’ve been a huge Tomb Raider fan for forever - my first high school boyfriend was loaded and bought me Angel of Darkness to come play at his house and while it was def critically panned, I do recall enjoying it - so that’s been fun to get those games remade with updated graphics. I’ve only played the one but the others are def on The List. 

So now that I’ve talked for an hour, my Top 5 fave games ever - 

#1 - Resident Evil 3 I am beyond jazzed for this remake, and a lot of people in the 90′s complained about RE3′s lack of clear cut boss battles, but I don’t know what they’re talking about. The entire fucking game is a boss battle - Jill vs. Raccoon City, and of course, Nemesis, who used to give my mother nightmares and caused me to sleep with a leaf-stabber by my bed for years. Jill is far and away my favorite protagonist in RE; she’s got a resilience of the spirit that somehow isn’t conflated with naivety, which is uncommon in ‘nice’ female protags. She’s savvy but she’s still kind, and she’s committed as fuck to survival - not to mention, as zealotous a Chris and Jill shipper as I am, she and Carlos had hella chemistry and I’m excited to see where that goes (JD Pardo would have made a fuck of a Carlos Oliviera, btw). It was An Experience and it’s forever at my #1. 

#2 - The Last of Us 

There is no comparison for emotional weight in video games, as far as I’m concerned. SPOILERS if you don’t already know the ending (this game came out in what, 2014?) but to me one of the biggest thing in the game’s favor is that the protagonist made the wrong choice. He had an option to potentially eradicate the cordyceps fungus and maybe save the world, turn the tides back for humanity, and with the weight of the world in the balance, he chose to save Ellie instead. It was, on a global scale, the wrong choice - but it was the human choice. It was the thing that a dad who never properly grieved his dead daughter would do for the surrogate daughter he inherited by accident. As for Ellie, there is no other character quite like her in games, and she’s fucking quality LGBT representation, especially considering how little we see queer children in media. I still cry every time, we play this game twice a year like clockwork and every single time, I still cry. 

#3 - Silent Hill 3 

All of SH’s games will have a special place in my heart - and if you wanna talk shit about Downpour, I’ll meet you in the Denny’s parking lot at 11, you better square the fuck up because I will defend Murphy with fists - but 3 is the best, hands down. I felt like it did the best job of streamlining the series’ ... uhm... somewhat complicated lore into something more understandable. SPOILERS: The villains are horrific - the Missionaries strike fear into my heart every time I play, and Claudia eating a miscarried god fetus to become god herself? Fucked up on a level you rarely see. I suppose if you didn’t catch it in the last sentence - your protag Heather vomits up a fetal god late in the game. Yes, you read that right. The best thing about this game though? Heather. I could climb up my feminist soapbox and talk about Heather as a subversion to video game tropes all fucking day - she’s a nonsexualized teenage girl whose father is killed for her character development. She’s self-sufficient, tough but still vulnerable, and hard as nails in a fight. As I might have mentioned a time or six, she also voluntarily aborts a god because Fuck Your Plans, She’s Got Her Own. 

#4 - Final Fantasy X 

Listen. I don’t know how much of this is because of actually enjoying playing the game and how much of it is emotional attachment. As most of you who follow me know, my mother died when I was sixteen. When I was about fourteen, I dated a rich kid who used to bring his PS2 to our very not-rich house and play games for us to watch - the sort of neophyte version of Watching Guys Play Videogames, if you will, which is another rant for another time. He got a Gamecube specifically so I could play RE Zero and Hunter The Reckoning. He was a neckbeard but he was also desperate to keep me from ditching so he did the smart thing and plied my very poor ass with money and food. The #1 game in the watching roster, though, was FFX - and if you know anything about the game, you know how heavily spirituality features into the story. My mother, very caught up in a very Eastern Philosphy Meets Quantum Physics internal seeking about the nature of things, was hooked from the word Go. She used to sit and watch Trey play for hours - we all did, but having her join us and love it that much? Wonderful. Half my memories of this game are both of us crying - crying when Yuna dances to send the souls, crying when Yuna reveals she’s on a suicide mission, crying when she and Tidus fall in love anyway, crying when she sends her Aeons to die in the final fight, crying over ‘the fayts are waking up’, crying when the big reveal about Auron comes up, crying crying crying. My wife bought it in 2011 and I watched her play through it again and while it suffers from the same issue as all FF games - too much filler and weird battle scenarios - it was cathartic. I miss my mom. 

#5 - Resident Evil 6 

Eat my entire ass. You already knew this was coming. I will defend this game to my grave for the fact that we have complex, interesting narratives surrounding female characters who have actual personalities. Was it perfect? No. Did it take RE out of horror territory and move it more into action? Woefully, yes. Is this series deeply problematic for where it chooses to set down your mostly-white protags and have them kill their way through? Big time. Don’t gloss those facts. But it’s got emotional punch in spades and a few weird character breaks that ended up being kind of brilliant - Chris has been so resiliently relentless in his fight against bioterrorism that a major PTSD break was inevitable. Leon would of course risk life and limb to help Helena, even though she implicated herself in something terrible. The icing on the cake to me was a grown up Sherry Birkin, wide eyed and believing like hell in the fight she thought she was on the right side of and getting knocked down only to get back up. Ada’s entire side campaign was brilliant. I hate some of the control choices they made in this game - the running from the Haos scenes near the end of Chris and Piers’ campaign makes me want to eat my own fist - but so it goes with most RE games (until RE4, moving your protag was like driving a tank). Jake and Sherry are My Unsinkable Ship. There are at least six scenes across this game that never get easier to watch - when the bomb hits the city and the cut scene of the mass infections begin, I still get sick to my stomach - and that, to me, is the mark that this game struck a hell of a chord in terms of storytelling. 

This was long. 

[lookinghbo]

'Looking' Made Raúl Castillo A Sex Symbol. Sheer Force Made Him A Star.

In New York, in the middle of July, if the fickle subway system allows it, you’d be wise to arrive at a destination 10 minutes early. You’ll need that time to let the sweat evaporate, to stamp out the damp spots that have betrayed your outfit.

Raúl Castillo forfeited his chance to cool down before shaking my hand at a Manhattan hotel restaurant on a sweltering Thursday morning. I didn’t mind. It was an honest mistake.

The “Looking” star was running slightly late and looking slightly frazzled when he bounded toward our table. He’d confused this hotel for another within walking distance where, the previous night, Castillo had attended a screening of the new Alexander McQueen documentary with his girlfriend, the costume designer Alexis Forte, who has the late fashion maverick’s biography at their Brooklyn apartment.

It’s cute to see celebrities frayed, even ones who are still building their marquee value. Castillo is the type who hasn’t yet abandoned public transportation when navigating the city, even though it’s becoming harder to do so without attracting strangers’ gazes. While trekking home from the “McQueen” event, a Latina teenager tapped him to say she loved “Atypical,” the Netflix series in which Castillo played a charismatic bartender sleeping with Jennifer Jason Leigh’s married character. The teenager’s mother loved “Seven Seconds,” the Netflix series in which Castillo played a narcotics detective tending to a racially charged investigation.

Raúl Castillo: a guy you can bring home to Mom, punctual or otherwise.

It’s his voice that people recognize, the 40-year-old actor said, a modest notion considering his breakthrough role as the sensitive barber Richie on “Looking” made Castillo a veritable heartthrob, despite the HBO show’s modest ratings. But it’s true that his warm baritone gravel is a distinguishing trait. Earlier this year, when I saw “Unsane,” Steven Soderbergh’s scrappy iPhone thriller set inside a mental institution, I recognized Castillo’s intonation before his face appeared onscreen.

That’s a significant feat. Castillo mumbled so much as an adolescent that a teacher recommended he see a speech therapist. He refused, instead reminding himself to enunciate or else using the impediment as a defense mechanism. “I have all these things wrong with my voice,” Castillo said, though few today would agree.

Castillo’s cadence may be growing familiar, but fame hardly seems like his long game. This is, after all, a guy who studied playwriting ― hardly the creative pursuit that commands the brightest spotlight ― at Boston University, after which he paid about $300 a month to live in a garage in Austin and perform local Chicano theater. “We the Animals,” a Sundance indie opening this weekend, marks the first time Castillo is the one generating a project’s star power. He portrays the father of three tight-knit boys storming through a wooded town in upstate New York. The movie, adapted from Justin Torres’ autobiographical novel of the same name, combines elements of “Beasts of the Southern Wild” and “Moonlight” to capture a domestic home life that’s equal parts tender and volatile, where abuse and affection are equally common.

Castillo’s enthusiasm about “We the Animals,” and about the possibly of again working with its director, Jeremiah Zagar (“Captivated: The Trials of Pamela Smart”), speaks to his ambivalence toward the celebrity ecosystem.

“He could be like Tom Cruise without the child slavery,” Zagar said, roasting the “Mission: Impossible” moneymaker’s Scientology association (and its alleged history of forced manual labor). “Raúl’s that kind of a dude. He’s a perfect-looking dude, and yet he’s incredibly real and honest and true. There’s never a false note. He’s also incredibly collaborative. As a director, that’s a wonderful thing. I didn’t know what I was doing, really, because I had never directed a narrative before, and Raúl had a way of making me feel comfortable and confident in my own beliefs and my own material. He’s so seasoned and so clear about what he needs to do to make a scene work and a character work and to elevate other people around him.”

It’s a small movie with grainy aesthetics and an impressionistic lyricism ― in no way the kind of thing that will make a killing at the box office. For someone who first fell in love with theater by discovering the plays of Puerto Rican and Mexican writers like Miguel Piñero and Luis Valdez in his high school library, playing the complicated patriarch of a mixed-race family feels like a destiny fulfilled. (Sheila Vand, star of the Iranian horror gem “A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night,” plays Castillo’s wife.) At this point, opportunities to extend his commercial footprint ― guest spots as a cannibal on “Gotham” and a music teacher on “Riverdale,” for example ― will find Castillo one way or another.

“I’ve always felt that I was never cookie-cutter,” he said. “For as much as I tried to fit my square peg into round holes, constantly, my whole career, I could never do it. Whenever I read ‘We the Animals,’ I didn’t think I would be cast in that film. [...] I felt viewed more as a Richie. People think I tend to find those roles easier than I do a role like this, ’cause it’s harsh. I knew that I could do it. I’m so grateful for both Jeremiah and Justin, who did see that in me.”

Born in McAllen, Texas, a midsize agricultural town that sits on the Mexican border, Castillo’s triumphs were born out of people believing in him at the exact right moments. He belongs to a first-generation immigrant family, even if home was a mere 10 miles down the road. Castillo didn’t feel othered, but his dual identity instilled a sort of anti-establishment fluster.

“I just saw a lot of bullshit in the structures that were established for me,” he said. “I found a lot of hypocrisies. People valued money, and I think when I was very young, I valued money and I didn’t have it. I think I hated myself for it.”

Slowly shedding the Catholic mysticism that once awed him, he took up bass and played in punk bands. When his friend Tanya Saracho, who would go on to write for “Looking” and “How to Get Away with Murder,” likened his GPA to a lifeline out of McAllen, Castillo decided to care about school. But in Boston, he was suddenly the minority. His “bad attitude” kept him out of second-year acting courses, until mentorship from a professor of color let Castillo understand that he shouldn’t punish himself for being subjected to an overwhelmingly white institution. And when he moved to New York in 2002, his pal Mando Alvarado, now a writer for “Greenleaf” and “Vida” (on which Castillo will soon appear), posited presentation as a mark of self-worth; if he didn’t put care into his résumé and headshot, why should anyone put care into hiring him?

Of course, when success takes years to manifest, it’s easy to forget the lessons you’ve learned. Living with four or five roommates at once, Castillo worked his way into the Labyrinth Theater Company, an experimental off-Broadway troupe founded by Philip Seymour Hoffman and John Ortiz. He still wanted to be a writer ― in high school, Castillo only ever acted to impress girls anyway ― but in 2006 he found himself starring in a Labyrinth production of “School of the Americas,” a play by “Motorcycle Diaries” scribe José Rivera. The acting bug stuck. In 2009, his play “Knives and Other Sharp Objects,” a multigenerational drama about class in Texas, opened off-Broadway, earning a mixed review from The New York Times.

Still, nothing quite lasted. The business side of things was grueling, and his coffee-shop gigs were getting old, even if he did count Lili Taylor and RuPaul as customers. An agent sent him on auditions for “huge” Hollywood movies ― which ones, Castillo wouldn’t say ― but dropped him after none proved fruitful. He was ready to give up altogether when “Looking” came around. Castillo had starred in the short film that became a prototype for the series. Its director, Michael Lannan, called him to audition for Richie (the character he’d initially played) and Augustin (a more prominent Latino character who worked as an artist’s assistant). He didn’t land either role, even though he’d originated one of them.

But by the time “Looking” was a week away from shooting, a Richie still hadn’t been cast. The producers called Castillo to read for Andrew Haigh, the gifted English director who shepherded the half-hour dramedy. Haigh had seen Castillo in an indie mystery called “Cold Weather” that gave him “street cred.” Crashing on John Ortiz’s couch in Hell’s Kitchen, wondering what else he could do with his life, Castillo was at a bar one night when he received an email with a contract attached. He had no representation to negotiate his salary, but it didn’t matter: After living check to check, he was on HBO.

“I was like, ‘Yes. Take my soul. I don’t care. Pay me. I need money,’” Castillo recalled. “I needed not just a paycheck but the affirmation. I needed something artistically that I could sink my teeth into that had value to it. Something that was substantial. Something that had a real point of view. I needed a character that gave me a platform to do what I do in a really great scale in the best way possible. And it ended up being that. That show was such a great gift to me.”

All of Castillo’s ensuing fortune can be linked to “Looking.” It made him a sex symbol, a love interest, a fan favorite, a rising star whose claim to fame meant a great deal to anyone hungry for frank depictions of queer intimacy. Richie was the good-natured, self-righteous ideal ― a perfect counterpoint for Patrick (Jonathan Groff), the series’ unsettled protagonist. It became gay viewers’ great disappointment when they learned that Castillo, their anointed hunk, was in fact straight.

“His inability to be fake as a person translates directly into his acting,” Groff said. “There is nothing extraneous or false about Raúl, and he brought a grounded, honest integrity to the character that absolutely no one else could have. He’s also just innately magic on screen and has that ‘it’ factor.”

Perhaps it was Castillo’s dual identity as a Mexican-American that helped him shine as a gay, blue-collar Californian who was sure of himself despite being rejected by his family. It’s certainly what lets him shine as the cash-strapped paterfamilias, caught between unremitting love for his kin and an inescapable pattern of violence, in “We the Animals.” This dyad comes at time when Castillo sees his identity splashed across the evening news.

McAllen houses the U.S. Border Patrol’s busiest hub for detaining immigrants suspected of entering the country illegally. While Castillo was vacationing in Europe and playing make-believe on sets, children were being ripped from their parents’ arms in his hometown.

“I would always have to explain where McAllen was, and now it’s this name you’re seeing constantly in the news for all these reasons that represent, for me, everything that’s wrong with this country,” Castillo said. “It was paralyzing. I was sitting in a beach in Europe, wondering why I deserved to be there. My parents had access to this country in ways that people who are coming from longer distances don’t. We had the great gift of citizenship, which is an incredible privilege. But my parents were immigrants, and they navigated that dynamic our entire lives. I saw my mom and my dad deal with all the insecurities and all the precarious nature of what being an immigrant in this country is. [...] Having grown up going back and forth across the border throughout my whole life, it’s disheartening and upsetting to see what’s happening. And then to think about this particular movie that deals with children, who are especially in that age when their minds are being formed and their view of the world is taking shape, to think about [the ones] locked in cages is enraging.”

Castillo may be miles from that crisis now, but he’s done more to better the world for brown people than he can know. His goal hasn’t been to diversity Hollywood roles written for white ensembles; it’s been to find work that naturally accentuates the grooves of his Latino heritage. He saw almost no Chicano role models in popular culture growing up, and now he is writing and starring in artistic endeavors that paint all shades of the human experience ― gay, poor, brown, cannibalistic, whatever ― with a dynamic brush.

Which isn’t to say everything’s gotten easy. He was slated to play the lead in “Mix Tape” (a musical drama set in Los Angeles) and appear on “One Day at a Time” (the Norman Lear reboot), but has since exited both series and would rather not disclose why. I got the sense, during our two-hour breakfast, that Castillo is still protective of how he is perceived. Maybe he always will be. He’s comfortable reflecting on his upbringing and his relationship with race ― concepts he’s spent his whole life processing ― but being candid about recent setbacks, as routinely asked of celebrities in interviews, does not yet come easy.

It’s the “ego business bullshit” that still eats at him. It’s what eats at most of us. But when someone makes a name for himself, that burden slowly fades to the periphery, replaced by a newfound comfort, even power. The man who once served RuPaul coffee now shares an agent with the drag dignitary.

“For so long, it was all feast or famine,” Castillo said. “I just took work when I could take it. And at this point, I’m in a new place where I want to be more thoughtful about the roles that I take on from here on out. The projects, the roles, the people. I’ve learned so much in the journey that now I want to apply all that and also honor my experience, because at this point I want to work with people who challenge me in all the right ways and push me to become a better actor and a better artist.”

[cryptiboy]

morgue talks about musicals (for beginners)

you ever see those weird and flamboyant people who seem to live in the theater building at your school? ever wanna know what the fuck their talking about half the time? maybe you even secretly wanna be like those people, but have no clue where to start? this will probably not help you that much to achieve those things, but you will know of a few more musicals that you maybe didnt know about before, so here is some musicals that beginners should probably either know about or get into, with one or two niche musicals that normie thespians can get under their knowledge belt

Heathers: lets start with one you all know. based on the movie with Winona Ryder, this cheery musical delves into topics like bullying, suicide, mass murder, and like our director said, “basically every single trigger under the sun”

Newsies: i’m guessing most of you have heard of this one too, its gotten pretty popular again recently. highly political and fun, based on the newsboys strike of 1899 in new york

The Phantom Of The Opera: yes you should make yourself familiar with this one. something haunts the halls of an opera house, spooky shenanigans ensue.

Fiddler On The Roof: if you want to understand a single thing about whats going on when your with your theater friends ever, you gotta get into fiddler first. a major talk on religion, tradition, and family, with a dash of a taste of pre ww2 anti-semitism. always fun. one of the the shining examples of second act mood dip.

Les Miserables: yes, we all know les mis. but do you actually? have you joined the french revolution yet?? have you stood at the barricade yet??? have you?????

The Rocky Horror Picture Show: now one of the most controversial musicals among the lgbt community. spoiler alert, op thinks the musical is a good thing. a fun queer horror romp with so so so so SO much sex.

Hairspray: if you take anything away from this list, let it be hairspray. oppression, stigma, and discrimination in 1960s america. its nowhere near as upsetting as it sounds.

The Hunchback Of Notre Dame: hey remember the disney movie that scarred you for life? go rewatch it on stage. same music, sadder ending. because victor hugo hates us more than walt disney did. once again, heavy themes of opression and religion, but this time its 1482 and bad things just keep happening.

Ride The Cyclone: if you follow me you know how i feel about this extremely fun undergound musical. six teenagers from the st caspian choir die in a horrible roller coaster accident. thats just the first three minutes. theres still no official cast recording yet, but i made a guide a bit ago on how to get into it.

Repo The Genetic Opera: what the fuck is a genetic opera, you say? filled with gore, i reply. its got blood, its got guts, its got opera, its got darkly comedic political commentary. if youre into gore and unhealthy family dynamics, then this is your cup of tea. im serious about the gore though, guys.

Chicago: yes, everyone and their grandma has heard cell block tango. but do you know the entire story of Roxie Hart? take a peek into the lives of a 1920s murderers. no, none of the murderers are men. yes, it is raunchy.

Little Shop Of Horrors: hop on over to 1960s skid row to see some delightful horrors terrorize a florist and his community. creepy, tacky, and fun.

Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street: pies and cannibalism and family issues, oh my! fun victorian horror.

Rent: if you cant walk away from this with hairspray, walk away from this with rent. a late 20th century america look into poverty, queerness, hiv/aids, drug addiction, oppression, and found family.

there are so many other wonderful musicals out there, a lot of which i still havent gotten into yet, but these are some really great starter ones in my opinion. if you’re a thespian and have some reccs, feel free to add them on. (i left out grease because i have a lot of personal problems with it. it is a classic, and if you feel so compelled feel free to watch it, but i really dont think it should still be a part of must watch musicals.)