#going to Walmart to pick up the fan for the car I want and then I might go to the car wash and maybe the dispensary

[milo-is-rambling]

There are times I hate my mother (real) and there are times I fucking hate my mother (just annoyed) and right now I FUCKING HATE MY MOTHER (WHY IS THE CAR SO FUCKING MESSY ARE YOU KIDDING ME I DONT DRIVE THE CAR FOR TWO WEEKS AND YOU MAKE A COMPLETE FUCKING MESS OF IT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU I KNOW ITS TECHNICALLY YOUR CAR BUT FUCK YOU THATS WHY YOU SAID YOU’D HELP ME CLEAN IT OUT BC YOU MADE A FUCKING MESS OF THE FLOOR OF THE CAR AND NOW I HAVE TO CLEAN IT OUT MAN FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU)

[imightgetbetter]

our first kiss

ahhhhhhh. hi. it's me. this is so weird. i haven't been nervous to post a story like this in years. probably because it's a totally different fan space and group and all that. there's a first time for everything. i have a whole idea for a series of things i want to write, we shall see if they come to fruition. for now, here you go. just a little something. (this is literally the smallest piece of writing i think i've posted in seven years). have fun <3 happy reading!

Outside, everything is quiet in the simplest of ways – the honking that usually busies the streets has subsided, just a few passing cars beneath them, the lights flickering and the occasional yell or holler from someone on the street echoing around the seemingly empty avenue. One light is shining from the bedroom where the landing leads to, and you can hear a faint grunt and murmured swears as your darling company finally makes his way back to the metal escape. His hand is clutching the neck of the guitar you purchased for his birthday, the back of which is decorated in an array of randomized drawings that somehow felt fitting for him – a carton of cigarettes, a mouse with a cookie, a rose that looked awfully similar to the one you have dried and pressed from your first date. Mouth nursing a cigarette, he teasingly pulls it from your lips as he settles against the railing, the guitar now settled on his thighs and his worn-in notebook propped open with a pen. He reaches for the lighter, cupping the fire around the end until it’s lit and ashy with his inhale.

His hand lays on your knee and squeezes it gently, lovingly. “Can’t have you picking up a bad habit from me, darling. Already have too many of those.”

“You were once a bad habit, you know,” you say, peering at him through hooded eyes masked behind wire-framed glasses, the light from your computer lighting your face. He smirks, shaking his head without saying a word, simply basking in knowing that a bad habit had turned into this, into sharing an apartment in a city you love, into late nights on the fire escape, creating your art together, art that is often about each other, even if you don’t know it. And he doesn’t know it, that the collection of essays being stored in your hard drive are about the lessons of being in love, lessons that you learned with him.

His eyes flicker from where he’s strumming at the heart of the guitar to you, a smile printed on his features that you know well – the smile that comes from your favorite bottle of wine at dinner, a stray glass or two in a shared bath. “Am I still a bad habit, my love?”

“Only when you distract me from my work,” you say, nudging your knee into his calf, a smile toying at the corners of your lips as he nudges you back.

His eyes trail from your eyes to your lips to where your fingers are working diligently against your keyboard. “How far have you gotten today?”

“About halfway into this essay,” you hum, leaning your head to the side, trying to get a peek at the lyrics being scribbled into the notebook. “How’s the song coming?”

“Good, I think. Question for you actually,” he says quietly, aware of the sleeping neighbors and easily disturbed animals surrounding the apartment. He waits for you to nod, closing your laptop quietly to give him your sole attention. “Our first kiss, where was it again?”

“Matthew.”

“In my defense, love, we’d had many drunken kisses before I’d actually kissed you sober and well-intentioned.”

“Are you trying to tell me the other times were ill-intentioned?”

“Yes, I am, actually. I was eighteen, darling. There are no good intentions at eighteen.” His eyes soften when you giggle quietly, the hardened expression washing away from your features as you hum knowingly, and a tiny smile begins itching at your cheeks. “It was during that holiday we took during Christmas. I remember that.”

“Walmart, I think,” you say, the memory suddenly feeling a bit hazy and out of touch. “You’d come to visit me for the holiday break because I couldn’t fly home. I was sick, I wanted a puzzle or something to do while I was stuck alone. You’d grabbed the one I wanted, and I kissed your cheek.”

“I turned my head, and I kissed you,” he says surely, interrupting your recollection of the memory. His smile as he told the story warms you from your head to your toes. He doesn’t need to say that he loves you for you to feel so. “I knew I was going to get the nastiest flu of my life, but I didn’t even care.”

“I yelled at you for kissing me. I didn’t want to get you sick, even though that was a bit of a lost cause considering we were sharing a bed while you stayed with me.”

“And that’s why I kissed you, again,” he says proudly, reaching for your hand and tugging you towards him. You know exactly what he wants you to do, and you do so easily. Closing your laptop, you maneuver yourself over the small space, settling between his open thighs. His arms circle around you, the guitar settled on your thighs, your head laying against his chest. He presses his mouth to your head, “I wish it hadn’t taken so long. I feel like I got years stolen away.”

“Hm?”

“Us, you know?” his murmurs, gently strumming the guitar and leaning his head on your head, humming a melody that surely just came to mind. “I wish I would’ve just moved with you.”

“I don’t,” you say quietly, leaning forward and turning to face him, your hands reaching to cup his cheeks and bring his eyes to meet yours. “I don’t because I love seeing you live your dream, and that wouldn’t have happened if you moved with me. All this happened like it was supposed to, you know that.” Matty’s eyes are pouring into yours, the deepest amounts of love washing over you. “Not to mention, if we weren’t apart, we wouldn’t have like, the best love songs to ever exist.”

Matty laughs, rolling his eyes as you lean your head forward, your nose brushing against his. “I want you with me all the time, you know that?”

“I know.”

“I want so many things with you.”

“And you can have them,” you say, brushing your lips against his ever so slightly. “I’ll be waiting, ready to go.”

[justababydoc]

“When pigs fly” is definitely intended to be a statement that makes something seem impossible… until you actually see a pig fly.

It was vaccine time for a couple very friendly backyard pet piggies. They had outgrown a reasonable trip in a car, so I was called out for some vaccines. When we arrived, the sow was in their enclosure and the barrow was wandering around, snacking on cucumber and carrots, with a rope harness.

I made my hellos, and the pigs were very friendly and allowed petting and, shockingly, the fast majority of an exam. Pigs are notoriously challenging to examine. They don’t like restraint and they’re crazy strong for their size. These pigs were friendly enough to hang around for an exam… for the low low price of baby carrots. Even let me do abdominal palpation.

Per the owners, they had decided to try the harness today to make things easier. The barrow didn’t mind the rope dragging behind him at all. I explained to the owners the pig boards, how we will use them to corner one at a time, and the get the vaccine done fast. The owner agrees and picked a spot he liked for the cornering. He then picked up the leash to direct the pig to the corner.

That’s when the pig noticed he no longer had complete autonomy.

I’ve seen some pretty impressive meltdowns from toddlers in a Walmart. Like I get it. It’s a very stimulating store and there’s toys and favorite snacks. Tired, angry children having a category V meltdown had absolutely nothing on this pig. It took all my strength not to laugh. I know this owner meant well, but trying a harness for the first time today was most definitely not the choice I would have made. The pig started by running to the end of the leash back and forth, shrieking with everything a pig can muster (iykyk). When that didn’t get him the result he wanted, he tried running in circles and tried to pull the owner around, still testing the limits of his larynx. He took a running start, hit the end of the leash, and acquired vertical momentum in such a way that he hovered an INSANE amount of time; his ass 3 feet of the ground, his stubby little legs flailing with everything they had, screaming, just stationary in the air. Pigs really can fly. He then landed on his ass and flipped over. He proceeds to jump up and do it again, which was hilarious. It’s been about 40 seconds since the owner dared touch the leash. I’m not even sure what to do, so I grab my tech and we take the pig boards over. The owner drops the leash, and the pig makes an escape from us. We get him cornered against the fence, only to initiate the screaming again. He slams himself into the fence, which gives a frightening amount. I will not let this pig escape: I have zero desire to chase him down the road. So I have the absolute audacity to touch the end of that leash as he pushes into the fence again. Next thing I know I’m looking a pig in the eye as it is flying and screaming at me. I’m 5’8, and only bent down a little to grab the leash and stand halfway back up. And he’s looking me dead in the eye. He lands on the ground and makes another go of it. I slipped the pig board between him and the fence, and he escapes back in the yard. We finally managed to get him triangled between two pig boards and the house. The wife then runs outside with a whole bag of carrots. She dumps the carrots in front of the pig, and he immediately calms down and starts snacking.

“Ok. That was exciting. What a meltdown. Just be prepared, he won’t like the needle poke much and may start screaming again, luckily I’m pretty fast”.

The owners understood.

The pig didn’t even notice the needle. He had an unparalleled temper tantrum, literally levitated for several seconds, and all he needed was carrots. Unreal. He was a little bruised but overall just fine. Then we moved on to his housemate. There was some discussion of pig boards and such, “well, carrots worked last time. Let’s see if she just lets me do it for a snack”.

Nearly full exam (she wasn’t a fan of some things), a cucumber, a poke, and not a peep.

Let this be a lesson in the powers of autonomy and snacks.

[delicatefury]

I wonder how many people realize that the best way to support the cartoons they love is to… buy the merch?

The official merch.

It really is that simple. It’s why Transformers and My Little Pony keep coming back. It’s why there are so many Barbie movies. Why Kevin Smith’s Masters of the Universe failed but the 3D animated He-Man is thriving. Why Pokemon is the biggest money making franchise of all time and will never not have an anime. Why Bluey, Cocomelon, and other little kid cartoons are having money poured into them while other studios are being cut off ruthlessly. It’s why Frozen and Cars got fucking sequels while The Owl House was reduced to 3 specials for its final season.

Because, for those IPs, people buy the official merch.

Parents aren’t going on Etsy to get a hand-crochet plush of Bluey or Bingo. They’re picking one up at Target. The Transformers collector isn’t buying small batch stickers from a fanartist on redbubble, he’s buying an official hasbro figure at the comic store and his kids a sticker sheet at Walmart. Hand painted cards are never going to replace the Pokemon TCG.

And that’s where companies make their animation budget back. Not through advertisements. Not through subscriptions. Merch.

And it doesn’t matter if the fan stuff is better made. It doesn’t matter if you can commission exactly what you want. As much as it sucks, fan merch is copyright infringement, and the animation companies don’t see a single red cent from it.

You can sign all the petitions you want. You can stream every single one of these cartoons in the background on a repeat to falsify watch numbers, you can post all the fanart and fanfiction you want in an active fandom of millions and it won’t save your show. So long as the cartoon isn’t justifying the expense of animation from official merchandise sales, the companies have no incentive to keep making them.

I’m not saying those actions never work. But the surest way to make sure these companies stay invested in your favorite cartoon, is to make sure their investment in your favorite cartoon pays off.

Edit: it’s in a reblog, but I’m adding it here too.

I’m aware that these companies aren’t making that much merchandise for some of these shows. Definitely not at the level a bunch of shows from my childhood were. In which case we need to be asking three important questions:

Why do they not think these shows are marketable?

Why are they making these shows if they don’t think they are marketable?

How do we let them know we will buy official merch in a quantity that will get their attention?

Money talks to these corporations, so why are they cutting off their ears?

[matsbarzal]

hey could you do number 13 under the random/au list with mat barzal??? thank you so much!

random #13. "can we make a tiktok?" "no." "okay so here's what we're doing."

pairing: mat barzal x reader word count: 1.2k warning: mentions of food and eating, tiktok

Mathew Barzal was aggravatedly the most nonchalant person you knew. He had been the same since the beginning of your relationship, never showing direct enthusiasm or any form of stress, constantly demonstrating that he was just happy to be alive, and happy to be with you.

It’s not that you ever complained about it either, per se, it was nice to be with someone who didn’t consistently worry you that something was wrong, or that they weren’t doing the greatest. The only part you ever complained about? His unwillingness to do anything fun.

He was adamant that he just enjoyed the basic necessities of life, spending time with you, eating, hockey, spending time with Anthony, occasionally going on vacation, and spending time with Josty during the summer.

Every time you wanted to do something out of the realm of Mat’s normalcy, you had to practically beg, or force the Islanders’ forward to go along with whatever plan you had decided to participate in that you knew he was going to argue against. Especially if it was a trend you had found on social media, because God forbid Mathew Barzal ever participate in something found on social media, willingly.

“Can we make a Tiktok?”

An immediate groan was heard from the other side of the room, Mat’s body turning to face yours. “No.”

Brushing off his words, you made your way towards him and lightly pushed the phone under his face so he had no choice but to watch the screen in front of him.

“Okay, so here’s what we’re doing,” the screen played in front of him, the couple in the video making their way into a Walmart, picking out the cheapest and most gaudy clothes they could find for the other to wear.

It was an entire date night in 60 seconds, from the couple picking each other’s clothes out, all the way to whoever won each round of rock, paper, scissors picking the appetizer, the dinner and eventually the dessert. You could see the apprehension and lack of joy in Mat’s features, his head trying to immediately shake in your direction after the Tiktok ended.

“Y/N…”

Shaking your head, and gently putting your hand up to stop him, you presented the most pleading eyes you could muster up as you looked at your boyfriend.

“Mat, c’mon. I do everything you want to do, I go to all your games that I can, I spend all the time in the world with you and Tito, the least you could do for me is this. It’ll be so fun! And we can post, your fans will love it. Probably won’t love me, but they’ll love seeing you!”

You watched the apprehension visibly disappear as your words floated through his head, a reluctant agreement falling from his lips.

That’s how you found yourself in the Walmart parking lot, a pair of tie dye sweatpants wrapped around Mat’s waist, and a sunflower button-up covering his chest. An Islanders’ bucket hat covered his head, and his typical Adidas shoes adorned his feet.

You looked just as gaudy, a pair of baggy red and black striped pants on your legs, and a florescent pink shirt adorned your upper body. The small smile that tugged onto Mat’s lips every time he looked at you made the outfit worth it, even just to see the little amount of joy that catered to your boyfriend’s lips.

“Okay, rock, paper, scissors!”

Mat’s rock hit your scissors down immediately, a wide grin taking over his face.

“Mozzarella sticks and nachos it is! Off to the bar we go babe,” pressing the end button on the camera, Mat pressed a quick kiss to your cheek before putting the car into drive and making his way to your favourite hole-in-the-wall bar, the best place you could get mozzarella sticks and nachos that were edible and didn’t cost an arm and a leg in New York City.

He used his teeth to eagerly pull the mozzarella stick between his finger and his mouth, the cheese dropping onto his chin and eliciting a loud giggle from your lips as you turned the camera to face him again, his hands immediately grabbing for the napkin as he tried to hold in a laugh of his own.

“Okay, maybe I’m having a bit of fun. People are looking at us like we’re crazy,” shrugging your shoulders, you just gestured around to everyone in the bar.

“We’re in New York, babe. I’ve seen far crazier than this, now come on, rock, paper, scissors!”

Next up was your pick, your paper beating his rock. The gyro restaurant was around the corner, and ironically, it was yours and Mat’s typical 3am restaurant, the 24-hour chain happy to greet you whenever you got peckish in the middle of the night.

“So, Tiktok, this place, New York City Falafel Co has some of the best 3am meals you want. I know it’s only 8pm, but Y/N and I go twice a week just for their gyros. Absolutely incredible,” his words were sped up, so he didn’t waste a significant portion of the video, the camera panning around the small restaurant as the people at the counter kindly greeted you, their eyes giving you a once over as small grins took over their faces.

“Date night, Mr. Barzal?”

Nodding eagerly, Mat wrapped an arm around you with a large smile. “Yeah, look who finally got me out of the house and into a snazzy outfit. Feeling extra good looking tonight, my good sir. What do ya think of the fit?”

“Here’s to hoping you didn’t pick your own outfit tonight, Mr. Barzal. What can I grab for the lovely couple?”

Mat laughed as he pressed a kiss to the side of your head and ordered your typical meals, the grin never leaving his face as he watched the workers from behind the counter.

The food was easily scarfed down by the both of you, the Tiktok camera getting small action-shots every few minutes of the food and Mat eating.

“Okay, last one. Rock, paper, scissors!”

Two flat hands looked back at each other, a small laugh bubbling up from your throat as Mat groaned. “Can we make it a tie and go and get cheesecake? The Cheesecake Factory is like… right around the corner, and I want cheesecake so bad after that.”

Nodding your head eagerly, you bid goodbye to the workers and made your way out the door with Mat, his hand interlacing with yours as the fall winds of New York whipped past the both of you. Your phone was instantly out, your body turning in a small circle as you captured the area you were slowly walking towards.

Moving the camera so that it was facing Mat, you barely had time to think before he was gently pressing his lips against yours, just in time for the video to capture the last bit of remaining reel it had. His lips stayed pressed against yours, his right hand cupping your cheek as his left pressed against your lower back, your own lips pressing against his greedily.

“Think we ran out of camera space,” shrugging his shoulders, Mat pulled back to rub at his stomach gently.

“Don’t think I can eat anything anyways, that gyro stuffed me right up.”

user763397943: omg that’s mat barzal laceycameron12: their outfits!! what a cute date

beausbarzal: y/n is so good for mat, look at his smile 🥺

user246892083: bet mat picked out that outfit yikes

sparkynyi: that’s OUR number 13

note: AH this was a date i've always wanted to write, and i just know mat would hate to love it. thank you for requesting, and i hope you love it dear <3

[nancypullen]

Drip Drip Drip

That’s not a nod to the rainy weather today (I’m actually enjoying that).  It’s how I feel about the process of putting this house together.  I have to remind myself that we’ve only been here for eighteen days.  It took us over twenty years to get the Tennessee house the way we liked it.  Rome wasn’t built in a day, and blah, blah, blah.  The truth is that I just want to decorate and turn this place into a home and I can’t.  Still waiting for floors, appliances are arriving one at a time, first came the frig...

those magnets are a sign that there’s been a princess in the house. The stove arrived yesterday.  Looks weird sitting beside the old dishwasher and microwave.

Nothing fancy - I like a smooth top with plenty of oven space.  There’s an app I can download and I can control this oven from my phone.  The odds of me being struck by lightning are greater than the chance of me using my phone to turn the oven on.  Anyway, I think the dishwasher is due by the end of the week.  Were taking that microwave out and installing a range hood.  As a shrimpy girl I’m not a fan of microwaves over the stovetop.  Give me a small countertop model and I’m happy.  We really only use it for popcorn. Soooo, no floors, no paint, no furniture.  Still eating beans around a fire in a  barrel. Okay, it’s not that bad - but as a professional nester I’m feeling very unsettled.  I’ve made homes for us from the tip of Florida to a village on the Arctic Ocean, and it feels like this time it’s taking forever. Because I couldn’t sit in that camp chair one more night, I found a very ugly and very cheap dining room set on Facebook Marketplace.   For $20 the seller agreed to deliver it and it showed up right after Tyler, Jamie, and the grandgirl arrived on Saturday. Perfect, they helped unload! They spent the day with us and we actually had a place to sit while we ate dinner that evening.  We paid $100 for a table and 6 chairs.  It’s definitely not what I wanted for this space, I may chalk paint it and foof it up a little - but for now it serves a purpose.

I can’t believe I’m posting such ugly photos here.  But now we’ll have some “before” pics when this place is finally pretty.  Speaking of pretty, my sweet grandgirl arrived on Saturday in full Cinderella regalia and delivered a bouquet she’d picked.

When she got out of the car, her ballgown sparkling in the sun, and stretched out her little hands holding those flowers...well, I’ll sit on the floor until I’m 80 for moments like that.  We had the best day. Yesterday, because I can’t do much inside the house, I tackled the flower beds.  I use the term flower beds loosely, there was nothing but monkey grass and weeds.  I left some of the monkey grass as a border on one side, but everything else was ripped out. I popped in a few plants, but it all looks a bit pitiful right now.  I wanted to put some sort of evergreen shrub along the front porch, preferably yew of another soft plant.  BUT, I ran up to Walmart for a couple of items and thought I’d peek at their garden center while I was there.  They had some really healthy Japanese Holly shrubs for $22 each.  I was poking around wondering if I should get three or four when the nice garden guy said, “Those are going on clearance tomorrow, but I can mark them down for you today if you need them.”  I asked what the clearance price would be, he responded “Twelve dollars”, and I said that yes indeed I did need them.  So I picked out three for what I probably would have paid for one at a nursery. Hooray!

They’ll look dinky when I get them in, but I’m building this garden from scratch and it takes time.  Like I said the other day, I can probably relax and enjoy it all after three summers.   Maybe ten.

Another spot that give me heartburn is the back yard.  Jamie spotted poison ivy in the treeline, so I don’t go anywhere near it.  I blow up like a puffer fish if I see a picture of poison ivy, so I’m extra careful.  She brought some stuff that they use to kill poison ivy at work, if it’s good enough for the Smithsonian, it’s good enough for me.  As an organic gardener I’m choosing to look the other way while a nuclear bomb is dropped on the treeline.  The bad stuff has to be eradicated to enjoy the yard. Necessary evil.   The previous homeowners also fancied a campfire. We all love a crackling fire in the fall, right?  But they marked off an area by filling it with rocks.  They never bothered to put anything down to prevent weeds from growing through those rocks, so we’re back to that hobo campfire again.  Now I have to rake up all of these little rocks and we’re hoping we can seed the yard before it gets too hot up here.  It’s mostly weeds right now and it’s just plain ugly.

We wanted less yard to mow and care for, but we’d still like it to be pretty.  See our neighbor’s perfect yard? I’m so jealous.  They’re probably hoping we work a miracle so they don’t have to look at this mess anymore. I told Mickey that I’d like to put a fence or barrier of some sort at the treeline. Then I’ll dig a bed along the front and throw down some mulch, maybe put in a couple of flowering shrubs - roses or azaleas. Add a bird bath or a bird feeder and it’ll look like a different place.  I snapped a photo from the patio and then added what I want.

See?  Same place, totally different feeling. I need that tidiness. It’s a lot less creepy. It’s almost noon here, nearly time to feed the mister.  I’ve wiped down the bathrooms, cleaned all of the mirrors, did a load of laundry, and there’s nothing else for me to do.  I’ll feed Mickey at noon, then I’ll feed him again at six. The grass /weeds need cutting but it’s too wet.  I may turn this afternoon into a mini spa day.  My nails need attention, my hair and skin need some love, and it might feel good to take care of myself today. Maybe I’ll put on a face mask and watch a murder show while I paint my nails.  Everyone deserves a day off now and then, right? Oh! That reminds me that I wanted to share a product that I’m very pleased with - and it’s not expensive!

Pardon the wear and tear on my box, but I keep the bottle in it because I read somewhere a million years ago that you should protect vitamin c serums from light to preserve potency.  If that were true, I’m guessing the maker would have put this in a tinted bottle, so I’m probably being overly cautious.  Go ahead and throw your box away, throw caution to the wind!  Anyyywayyyy, this stuff has been MAGIC for my skin. 

Vitamin C & E in a serum? Yes, please!  I use this every morning after washing my face, one dropper does the trick.  I’ve used it regularly for about two months and I’ve seen a wonderful difference in my skin.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still look like a 58 year old grandma - but there’s definitely a vibrancy and a glow that was lacking two months ago.  If it worked this well on my face while I was stressed, moving, not eating as well as I should, and tired ( my back still hurts!) then imagine what it can do under normal circumstances.  You know that I don’t advocate for any product that A) didn’t work for me and B) isn’t worth the money.  This is not a paid promotion or anything like that, just a serum that I really, really like.  I use this in the morning, and Kiehl’s Micro-Dose Anti-Aging Retinol Serum with Ceramides and Peptide (that’s a mouthful) at night. I love that it soaks right in, no greasy or tacky feeling at all. It won’t stop time from marching across my face, but at least I can glow as I age. Give it a try, get your glow on! Okay, this rambling post needs to stop.  I hear rumbling upstairs that must mean someone is ready for lunch.  Looks like the sun is trying to make an appearance so maybe I’ll get to poke around in the garden a bit.  Or maybe I’ll just stay in and paint my nails. Whatever you’re doing today, I hope it’s making you happy.  Or at least not making you unhappy.  Stay safe, stay well. XOXO - Nancy 

[allsassnoclass]

The Inherent Domesticity of Target’s Home Decor Section

Pairing: Michael Clifford/Calum Hood Rating: Teen Word Count: 2076 Read on AO3

Michael has mixed feelings about Target.  On one hand, Target is better than Walmart, and he appreciates that they get to design different album covers and sell special editions there.  On the other hand, walking into Target makes him feel like he should have his life together more.  That’s not to say that his life is a disaster; his life is actually pretty great, and he feels like a fully functioning adult.  However, the store still gives him the niggling feeling that he should buy a planner and some post-it notes and turn into a suburban mom.

“Do you think I should buy a planner?” he asks.  Calum hums, reading the back of a DVD that’s on sale for $5.  When he shifts to put it back on the shelf, Michael shifts right with him, arms around his stomach and cheek plastered against his shoulder.  It’s earlier in the morning than Michael would like, so Calum gets the privilege of holding him up as punishment for dragging him out into the world at this time of day.

“Why do you need a planner?  Ashton takes care of that stuff for the band,” Calum says.  He picks up another DVD and flips it over.

“Yeah, but maybe I should put down everyone’s birthday or something,” he says.  Calum snorts and Michael pinches his side, because he’s apologized for forgetting his birthday that one time sincerely and profusely and gave Calum a pretty spectacular blowjob to make up for it.

“Would you even use it?” Calum asks.  Michael considers and has to concede his point.

They look at DVDs for a few more minutes because Calum gets a kick out of what a place like Target choses to stock in their meger selection.  Michael lets him slip some animated thing he thinks he watched once as a kid into the basket, content to stand there while Calum takes his time and just breathe him in.  He loves being close to Calum, letting his familiar smell fill his nostrils and leeching body heat.  He lets their breathing sync up and imagines that he can hear his heartbeat, slow and steady and almost putting him to sleep standing up.

Nowhere feels like home quite like Calum does.  Even in the middle of Target, Michael feels better than he ever has alone in his house.  It makes him wonder why he’s even living alone, and why Calum pulled away and they stopped messing around when neither of them have girlfriends.

The bottom line is that he misses Calum nearly every moment they’re apart, but he doesn’t know how to articulate this without the crushing fear of rejection.  Calum loves him, and he knows that a significant part of Calum’s world revolves around Michael, but that doesn’t mean they necessarily love each other in the same way.  Michael wants grocery shopping and kisses and late night cuddles regardless of if they have somewhere to be in the morning and lazy sex and laughing at each other’s ridiculousness so hard that he can’t breathe.  Calum wants a platonic best friend.

“What else do we still need to get?” Calum asks, shaking Michael out of his reverie.

“Toothpaste, I think.  And vitamins.”

“Look at you, being healthy and shit.”

Michael pokes his side and Calum tries to wriggle away, giggling because Michael knows exactly which spot tickles the most.

“Just because I don’t let Ashton drag me to yoga like you do doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy.  I get the most sleep out of any of us and I drink a fuckton of water.”

“I know, I know,” Calum says.  “Want to check the CDs?”

It’s a distraction tactic, because Michael will always check the one-shelf CD selection, especially so soon after one of their own releases.  Michael makes the conscious decision to allow himself to be distracted.

“Okay.  CDs, then toothpaste, then vitamins, then I want to look at the home decor.”

“What do you want to look at the home decor for?”

Michael shrugs, knowing that Calum can feel it.  There’s just no non-incriminating way to say I like to see your reactions and pretend that we’re picking out stuff for our house because I might be fully in love with you and I want you in every single crevice of my life.

That’s the issue with Target: it makes him feel domestic and long for things he can’t have.

“Excuse me?” a new voice says, and Michael first feels a twinge of annoyance at someone interrupting his moment and then a twinge of panic that it could be a fan when he definitely doesn’t have the emotional or physical energy to put on a public persona.  One look at the owner of the voice dispels that notion.  The woman is on the later side of middle-aged and looks pretty much exactly like the kind of woman who cooks meatloaf and has 3 cats and actually does go to Target to buy planners.  As inclusive as the band tries to make their music, Michael can admit that she’s not exactly in their immediate wheelhouse for fans.  Nevertheless, he straightens up a bit, but the woman is smiling so he thinks he can maybe get away with still locking his arms around Calum’s waist.

“Sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to say that you boys make such a cute couple!  It’s so nice to see young people in love.”

Michael stiffens, but Calum puts a hand on his arm, effectively anchoring him in place before he can pull away.

“Thank you.  It’s nice to be in love,” Calum says, and Michael’s breath stutters in his throat.

The woman beams and for a moment Michael thinks she’s going to reach out and pinch Calum’s cheeks, but she just bids them a good day and continues towards the books.

“CDs?” Calum asks, casual as anything.  Michael nods and fully pulls away, not trusting himself to speak or to touch.

It was just a nice thing to say to a romantic woman, but it’s nice to be in love plays on repeat in his head like a broken record.  He knows, he knows that it doesn’t mean anything, but Michael would give almost anything to have it be the truth.

There are five copies of the Target exclusive edition of CALM on the shelf.  There’s also a Neil Diamond greatest hits collection and a few random soundtracks that Calum points out, but Michael can barely focus.  He kind of wants to skip the toothpaste and go straight home, but he also doesn’t want Calum to question why that small interaction with the woman threw him so off kilter.  By the time they make it through the checkout and back to Michael’s car, he feels like he’s going to vibrate out of his skin.

Calum waits until they’re out of the parking lot to start talking.

“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable earlier.  That wasn’t my intention.  I just figured that was the easiest response.  I know we’re not--I know we don’t do that anymore.”

In a different world where Michael hasn’t kept a very tight lid on his feelings for his best friend for the past eight years, he would have crashed the car.

“I know,” he says instead.  Silence fills the space, heavy and uncomfortable.  Michael keeps his eyes resolutely on the road and tries not to read too much into how Calum keeps taking a breath as if he wants to talk before cutting himself off.

“And I understand,” Calum says suddenly, almost causing Michael to swerve.  “I understand why we’re not together anymore.”

“What,” Michael says.

“I’m not trying to get you back, or whatever.  I know you don’t think of me like that.”

“That I don’t--” Michael chokes.  “I’m sorry, what?”

“Come on, don’t make me say it,” Calum says, shifting in his seat.

“No, hang on.  I don’t understand what you’re saying to me right now.”

“Mike, stop it.  Now you’re just being mean.”

“Calum, you’re the one who pulled away from me.  Personally, I don’t understand why we’re not together anymore.  I didn’t even know that we were!”

“That’s bullshit!  What did you think we were, if not together?”

“I don’t know, fucking around?  I thought we stopped because you got bored of me.”

“Michael, we stopped because we got asked about ships in an interview and you got really weird about it.”

“Yeah, because I’ve been in love with you for half my life!”

Silence descends, and Michael absolutely cannot look at Calum right now.  The only things that exist are the steering wheel in his grip and the strip of road in front of him.  There’s still a good ten minutes until he reaches his house, and Michael is very content to spend those ten minutes pretending like he is alone and has not just revealed his biggest secret during an argument that he still doesn’t quite understand.

“Pull over.”

No such luck, apparently.

“Michael, pull over right now.”

He eases over and puts the car in park, letting his hands fall into his lap.

“You’re in love with me?” Calum asks.  Michael nods.  “We’re so stupid.”

“What?” Michael asks, finally looking over at Calum.  He doesn’t look uncomfortable or sad, he looks exasperated.  Michael isn’t sure what that’s supposed to mean.

“We’re idiots.  We could’ve been happily dating this whole time.  Hell, we probably could’ve been married by now,” Calum says.  “I’m in love with you, too.”

Michael blinks at him and really wishes his brain was operating a bit faster.

“Calum,” he says, for lack of anything else.

“Michael,” Calum grins right back.

“Are you serious?” he asks.  Calum rolls his eyes.

“Why would I joke about this?”

Michael shrugs helplessly.

“Michael,” Calum says seriously.  “I made you park the car.  We just had a conversation that obviously made you uncomfortable.  Why the fuck would I be joking right now?”

Michael shrugs helplessly again.

“You love me?” he asks.  Calum reaches over and grabs one of his hands.

“I’m head over heels, crazy in love with you.  It’s pathetic.  It’s ridiculous.  I want to jump you in this car right now.”

Michael laughs.

“Not in broad daylight,” he says.  Calum smiles in a way that makes something settle in Michael’s stomach, something that he hadn’t realized had been unsettled ever since they stopped seeing each other.

Fuck.  He’s so lucky.

“I’m in love with you, too,” he says.  Calum’s smile widens.

“I know,” he says.  “You just told me that.”

“Well, I wanted to tell you again.”

“Well, I’m in love with you, too.”

They’re talking in circles now--wonderful, love-sick circles--and Michael is thankful for multiple reasons when Calum breaks it by leaning over the center console to kiss him.  Calum’s lips are familiar under his, and even after months without feeling them Michael has them memorized.  This kiss feels different, though.  There’s a surety to it that they haven’t had before, a question and agreement that thrills him.

“You’re sure you don’t want to roll around in the back seat right now?” Calum asks softly when they part.  Michael grins and knocks their foreheads together.

“You’re funny,” he says.  “Ha, ha.”

Calum kisses him again.  Michael could definitely get used to this.  If their previous conversation is any indication, he’ll have plenty of time and opportunity to get used to this.

This time when the kiss breaks, Calum fully leans back rather than keep breathing his air.

“Okay,” he says.  “Let’s go home, Michael.  We’ve got years of a honeymoon phase to catch up on.”

Michael puts the car in drive and eases back onto the road.  They’ll have time to drive around again later, because Michael definitely wants to do another circuit of the Target home decor section with this new revelation.  Maybe he’ll try to find a card for the woman who confused them for a couple, just in case they happen to run into her by the post-it notes or planners.

Either way, Michael thinks that Target might be his favorite store now.  He glances at Calum to find him already looking at him and his chest warms.

Yeah, Target is definitely his favorite store, but he’d be okay with never setting foot in it again if it meant he could keep spending time with his favorite person.

Thankfully, the way that Calum leans over to kiss him at a red light seems to mean that he agrees.

[popculturebuffet]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1990 Review: Still Possesses Turtle Power After All These Years

Cowabunga all you happy people! I freaking love the Teenage Ninja Turtles. I grew up with it from Turtles in Time, which was my first video game, to the 2003 cartoon, which I covered the first three episodes of last month, and on to present day as I re-read the idw comics after finally reading the original eastman and laird run of mirage, and impatiently waiting for Shredder’s Revenge to come out after a LONG drout of no good TMNT games. I”m a fan of these heroes four, their dynamic as a family, the endless possiblities that come from it’s long history and ablitlity to go anywhere in any genre, and the wonderful goofy shit that happens when you have a franchise about mutant turtles learning ninjitsu from a rat and fighting a dude covered in knife covered samurai armor. 

So with me finally covering the guys after almost a year last month and with a new movie set to debut at some point this year, I had the bright idea to revisit the FIRST TMNT movie after way too many years of not watching it. This movie is anear and dear to my heart: When I first started getting into the boys big as a kid with the 2003 cartoon, I badly wanted more turtles. But back then it wasn’t nearly as easy to glom onto some more of the sewer shock pizza kings: Streaming sites with all the cartoons on them weren’t all that accesable, dvd’s were expensive for the 87 cartoon, Mirage wasn’t reprinting the comics in any meaningful way and my local comic shop didn’t have any at all and I could only play the SNES when my brother had it set up on occasion like at our Grandma’s farm. 

As you probably guessed though there was one exception: the original 1990 movie, which I got at Walmart for 5 bucks and haven’t let go of since. It was one of my first dvds and is still one of my most precious. Said film hit the spot just right as like my beloved 2003 series, it was a mildly goofy but still fucking cool adaptation that stuck closer to the mirage comics, even more than the 2003 series would, while taking a few queues from the 87 series. This film is as precious to me as the 2003 series and a with a brand new movie coming up, I figured it was the exact right time to dig into this classic: what makes it still good to this day, what’s fun to point and laugh at, and how the heck Jim Henson got involved in this. So join me under the cut as I take a look at my boys first theatrical outing and why I still love watching a turtle. 

No One Wanted To Make This: Before we get into the film itself some background. As usual I struggled a bit, but thankfully found some help in the form of this Hollywood Reporter article.  It’s a fascinating read worth your time, providing an oral history of the film from the people who worked on it. 

The film was the baby of Gary Propper, a surfer dude and road manager for the prop comic Gallagher, aka that guy who used to smash watermelons but now has instead opted to smash what little’s left of his career by being a homophobic douchenozzle. He found an ally in Showtime producer Kim Dawson who’d produced Gallagher’s special. I don’t think there will be more of an 80′s sentence than “Gallagher’s surfer dude agent wanted to make a teenage mutant ninja turtles movie”. Propper was a huge fan of the comics, and with Dawson’s help convinced Laird and Eastman to let them option it to studios. 

It may come as a shock to you but the road agent for a homophobic watermelon man and a producer at a niche cable channel wanting to make a movie based on an underground comic book about masked turtles at a time when the two most recent comic book movies were Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and Howard the Duck, did not go well. Every door in Hollywood got slammed in their face, even Fox> Even the eventual backer of the film, Golden Harvest, a hong kong action film studio, took months to convince to actually back the film. 

Things did not get easier from there: The films writer Bobby Herbeck had trouble getting a story agreed on because Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird’s working relationship had deteroiated horribly from the stress so naturally the two could not agree on a damn thing and argued with each other. Peter Laird  made a tense siutation even worse by constnatly sniping at Herbeck and feeling he was a “Hollywood outsider infringing on his vision and characters”

Granted the script was apparently not great... but Pete still comes off as a pretnetious ass who views his weird indie comic as THE HIGHEST OF HIGH CALLINGS HOW DARE YOU SOIL IT. And continued to be kind of a prick like this throughout the rest of his time with the property. 

Thankfully the film found i’ts voice, vision and director in Steve Barron. Barron was a music video guy who knew the producers and while reluctant, eventually dove into the project rightfully thinking the film would need to be a mix of the mirage comics and 87 cartoon, keeping aprils’ reporter job, the turtles lvoe of pizza and their iconic color coding from the cartoon but adapting several stories from the comics as the backbone of the film. The guys liked barron MUCH better and things ran smoother. 

Barron also brought in one of the film’s biggest selling points and it’s most valuable asset: it’s triumphantly awesome Jim Henson costumes. Barron had worked with good old Jim on the music videos for Labyrinth, and while it took some convincing since the comics were violent as hell and that wasn’t Jim’s style, Barron eventually got him on board. This naturally doubled the budget, but given Henson’s costumes STILL hold up today and look better than the cgi used in the platinum dunes films... it was a good call. And this was brand new tech for jim, having to invent tons of new ideas and mechanisms just to make the things work, and said things still were absolute hell on the actors. Jim later ended up not liking the film for being too violent... which I find hilarious given how many muppets got eaten or blowed up real good on his show but regardless, I thank this legendary and wonderful man as without him this film WOULD NOT have worked. The costumes here look great, feel realistic, and you can’t tell the actors were dubbed much less horribly suffering in those suits. Much like Disney Land. 

The film would get picked up for distribution by New Line, and despite i’ts weird as hell origins and the long shot it had.. the film was a MASSIVE hit at the box office, owing to a combination of Batman 89 the previous year having proved comic book movies can work for audiences, the cartoon’s runaway sucess, and a massive marketing campaign. The film made it’s mark. So now we know how we got here let’s get into the film itself. 

What’s the Story Morning Glory?:

So the story for this one is largely cobbled together from some of the more notable arcs Eastman and Laird did before handing off the book to others full time as the stress of the company and the mounting tension with each other made it near impossible to work together on the book itself. 

To Save time i’m just going through what hte movie takes from the comics plot wise now to save me the trouble later:The movie takes elements from the first issue (The Turtles, Splinter and Shredder’s backstories, Shredder being fully human and the main antagonist, Shredder’s design and the final rooftop showdown that results in Shredder’s death), second and third, (April’s apartment over her dad’s old store and the turtles moving in when their home is ransacked and splinter has gone missing), the rapheal micro series (A tounge in cheek way of cashing in on the Mini-Series craze of the 80s, a one shot by modern standards and something that’s tragically been underused as an idea as only TMNT and MLP have used the idea at IDW, Raph meeting casey and their fight with one another), the return of shredder arc (One of the turtles being ambushed and mobbed by the foot and then thrown though a sky light (Leo in the comic and Raph here), the turtles being horribly outnumbered by them, Casey coming ot the rescue and metting the non-raph turtles for the first time, and them being forced to escape when the place goes up in flames), their exile to northampton (April writing in a journal, casey working on a car with one of the guys and one of hte guys looking over hteir injured brother), and finally, their triumphant return which was very loosely adapted as there are no deformed shredder clones and shredder not being dead yet in this version was not brought back by a colony of super science worms. 

So as for how this all comes together: Our story takes place in New York: A crimewave is high with muggings mysterious. There are a ton of phantom thefts going around and at most people have been seeing teens responsibile. And the police.. are at about this level of useful:

The only person doing something is April O’Neil, played by Judith Hoag. Hoag is easily the standout of the film, giving us a strong, confident woman with a wonderful sense of humor. She honestly might be my faviorite April O Neil, and given we’ve had some great ones with 2003, 2012 and Rise, that’s not something I say lightly. I honestly wish I’d recognized her in more stuff as she was both on Nashville and the mom in the Halloween Town films, and most recently was on the ScFy show the magicians. She’s a talented lady and i’m glad she’s still goin. 

April is a reporter for Channel 3 like the cartoon, though for some weird reason her boss from the cartoon is replaced by Charles Pennigton, played by Jay Patterson, whose currently dealing with his troubled son Danny, played by Micheal Turney. Pennington is horribly useless at both jobs: At work he tries to ease April off calling out Chief Sterns, who refuses to listen to April’s evidence gathered from japanese immigrants that the crimes resemble similar ones in japan in favor of trying to get charles to shut her up. Danny meanwhile is a member of the foot becase his dad thinks shouting out him and talking about him like he’s not there and generally being a dipstick will actually do anything to help him. 

I love the concept for the foot here. In addition to being a Ninja Violence Gang as always, they now recruit new members by finding kids without families or with troubled family lives and giving them a sense of family with the foot, and sweeting the bargin with a giant cave filled with arcade machines, a skate ramp and general late 80′s early 90′s kids goodies. Is it rediculous? Yes. Is it also clever as it gives Shredder an easy army of plausably deniable theives that he can pick the best out of to put in his elite that will be tirelessly loyal to him and him alone? Also yes. 

So April being public about this stuff gets her attacked, which naturally leads to our heroes coming in, first in the shadows and later directly when April wont’ give up on the case and Shredder sends some ninjas to go shut her up.. which he does weirdly as the guy jsut slaps her and tells her to cut it out like he’s on a domestically abusive episode of Full House. Raph saves her, and we get the turtles origin.. though weirdly they cut it in half. We get the ooze portion but Splinter’s past with Saki, Saki’s murder of his master and his master’s partern Tang Shen is left for later in the film and the fact Shredder’s saki is treated as a big twist despite the fact the biggest audience for the film would be kids... and kids would’ve been familiar with the cartoon where the giant brain monster routinely screeches out saki at the shredder. Maybe Barron just thought he was an alcoholic I don’t know. It just would’ve made more sense to have it all at once and let the audeince put it together. 

April becomes good friends with the turtles over a night of frozen pizza and camradrie, but the Splinters return home to find it ransacked, Splinter kidnapped by the foot, and are forced to Stay with april. Charles meanwhile tries to get April to backoff because he made a deal with the police to clear Danny’s record, without TELLING her any of this mind you, but I will save my rage on that little plot point for in a bit as Danny who he drug along sees the turtles and tells the Shredder. 

So we get the return of the shredder arc as Raph goes through a window, our heroes fight valiantly, and Raph’s friend Casey who he met earlier shows up, the two having bonded as all true friends do.. by beating the shit out of each other ending with raph shouting DAMNNNNNNN really big and dramatically into the sky for some reason. The Turtles and friends escape with an injured raph from April’s burning second hand store. She had a second hand store it was poorly established and only there because she had it in the comics. 

Our heroes retreat to a farm April’s grandma owned in Northampton, Massachutes, where Mirage was located at the time the original comics where they were exiled to the place were written and a location that has been a staple of the turtles ever since. The turtles slowly recover, lick their wounds, talk about who hooked up with who on gilligans island etc, before Leo connects with Splinter via meditation, who tells them to come back. Splinter also starts to connect with Danny and convinces him to swtich sides.. or at the very least squat in the boys old home. 

The boys return home, find danny, and prepare, Danny goes back and ends up giving away the Turtles are home.. but the turtles are ready and in an awesome sequence kick the fuck out of the foot squad sent for them with some well prepared steam vents. Casey goes to get splinter since Danny told them and with Danny’s help, finds him, since Danny found out they were gonna kill him. Casey beats up Tatsu, shredder’s right hand man, and they get him out. 

We get our final fight which is awesome up until the climax.. which is splinter casually tripping shredder with nunchucks and thier bloody history being kind of rushed and unsatsifying. Casey crushes shredder with a garbage truck, April gets her job back, more on that in a moment, she and casey hook up, and we end with the fucking awesome song T-U-R-T-L-E Power by partners in cryme. Seriously check it out it’s fucking triumphant. 

The song is just good.. cheesy? Sure but that’s half the fun. It’s the gold standard for movie theme songs for them and stacks up handily with the various animated series themes.. all of which slap. Okay... ALMOST all of which slap. Fast Forwards is aggressively medicore, which is doubly suprising to me since 4kids was REALLY damn good with theme songs. It was one of the three things they were best at along with finding VERY talented voice actors and setting japan based works in america because merica dammit.  

The plot is very solid: It skilfully packed half of eastman and laird’s run on TMNT into 90 mintues while adding things like April’s job at channel 9, the way the foot recurited kids etc. The plot flows well for hte most part and apart from one annoying subplot we’ll get to never has a moment that feel unecessary or dosen’t pay off later. And the stellar plot and fun pacing of it helps boilster the characters that do work... and help paper over the ones that are so thin the’yd fall down a grate...

Our Heroes, Villains and Annoying Middle Aged Guys:

Yeahhhh character is hit and miss here. Some are rather strong, others are the bare basics for the character their adapting and most are just to serve the plot but some work some don’t,  So let’s talk about it starting with our boys:

Raph is the most fleshed out of the turtles, being the main focus of the first 2/3 of the film, and having his anger be part of what SHOULD be a character arc, learning to temper it. And while granted MOST TMNT properties do this, to the point that Rise Raph is so loveable in part because his boisterous bruiser big bro attitude is a refreshing break from the usual grumpus we get. But at the time this hadn’t been done in every version but the 87 cartoon, so exploring it was valid.. but despite saying this should be a thing htey just forget about it and the most plot relevance he gets is going thorugh a window. He dosen’t really get a resolution.. his arc just kind of stops dead for the final half and it’s one of the film’s weaker points, one I only just now noticed on this rewatch. He’s still the most entertaining. 

Leo is the weakest of the turtles. He really lacks a personality here mostly just being leader and while his spirtual side is touched on, it’s  mostly a plot device. He’s just kinda the leader because he was in the comics to the point Partners in Cryme called Raph the leader. His role in getting taken out by the foot was taken by Raph, so he just has.. nothing to do for most of the film other than gripe at raph ocasionally and say orders. He’s probably the worst Leo i’ve seen outside of Next Mutation. I prefice that because after watching Phelous’ review it’s VERY clear those four are the worst versions of the characters, and no personality is still better than either having your team do nothing or yelling at them as your personality. I chalk this up to the Mirage Leo, and the mirage turtles to a poit being kind of bland. Not TERRIBLE characters, especially for the time, but not nearly as fleshed out or individualized as they woudl be in other adpatations, and with most traits LEo DID have, like his badassery flat out gone, he’s just.. nothing here. 

Mikey and Donnie are a double act here with both sharing a brain. Interestingly instead of his normal genius character, Donnie is Mikey’s best friend and the two simply trade jokes and schtick together. The two are interchangable.. but easily the best part of the film and a lot of the most memorable gags and lines, from Ninja Kick the Damn Rabbit! to “Do you like Penicllin on your pizza”, are from them. Thier there almost entirely as comic relief but it works, with both clealry being more modled ont he 87 cartoon turtles, a move that helps lighten the mood in darker moments. Their just genuinely charming and it’s intresting to see such a diffrent version of Donnie, and other incarnations, specifically the 2003 and Rise versions, would retain the sarcastic edge. 

Splinter is splinter. That’s about it, he’s peformed well and the puppet is amazing but he gets kidnapped a half an hour in and outside of influcencing Denny, more on that in a moment, and finishing Shredder he dosen’t do much but spout exposition. He’s not bad or anything, but he’s essentially a rodent shaped plot device. He was also puppeted by Kevin CLash, aka the guy who does Elmo. So there you go. 

April on the other hand.. is truly excellent. This might be my faviorite April. Judith’s april nicely blends the cartoon and mirage versions: She has the cartoons energy and job, but the comics sheer will and casual nature. Judith just oozes personality and her April is just a joy to watch, from her breezy chemistry filled interactions with the guys to her confrntation with Chief Sterns, knowing she’ll get thrown out by the asshole. She’s confident, and even when afraid dosen’t back down to her attackers and even helps out during the sewer ambush. I mean it’s a pot on the head but still it’s neat. She’s easily the best part of the flim and the most fleshed out of the cast. The worst I can say is they kinda shove her store from the comics, Second Time Around, in there for no other reason than it was in the comics: It dosen’t come up until it’s needed for the foot’s assault on her place. But overall.. she’s just fantastic to watch. 

Speaking of fantastic to watch, Elias Koteas is fantastic as Casey. Seriously he’s only second to the 2003 version in my eyes, getting the concept of a testorone filled average guy who decided to just go out and hit people with sports equipment after watching too much A-Team.. I mean that part of it’s not in this version but it’s implied, just right. Like judith, Elias is just really funny to watch and his big scenes, showing up just in time during the foot assault on april’s place and his fight with Tatsu are some of the best parts of the film, the former taken directly from the comics. This version isn’t without problems: His friendship with Raph, his most endearing aspect and one that has been carried throughout eveyr version Casey’s important, with the only exception so far being rise and we have a movie to fix that, is absent here. HE does save the guy, but they don’t really bond or anything. In fact he disappears for about half an hour after his big fight with Raph. But... again he’s just so damn entertaining, down to his JOSEEEEEEEEEEE Conseco bats (There was a two for one sale!).

Shredder is just a LITTLE better than splinter, if only because his actor projects a true aura of menace and I feel this version had some influence on the pants crappingly terrifying 2003 version. And the idea of the foot recurting teenagers like I said is a good one: He gives them home and a cause, they give him plausably deniable backup. And his fight with the boys in the climax is really awesome... the conclusion sucks but otherwise h’es okay. Not the deepest villian, but he has enough presence to be enjoyable.

His right hand man Tatsu, whose been adapted ocasionally since this and reimaigned as Natsu in the IDW comics, a female version, is also fine. He’s your standard grimacing goon but has enough presence to work. 

So that brings us to the penningtons. Charles, april’s boss at the station and his son Danny who’s joined the foot as he feels his dad dosen’t love him. Charles..is about as interesting and likeable as a dog turd and is the worst aspect of the film. No debate there, he just sucks. He sucks so hard he’s classified as a black hole.  The film wants you to see him as a put upon wokring dad whose frustrated with his son’s increased moodiness, skipping school and crminal undertakings and just wants to help him and loves him deep down. The problem is his actor’s delivery instead of concerned.. is just pissed. He just seems pissy and upset about the whole thing and comes off like he’s only mad about Danny doing this because he’s embarassing him and not because you know, it’s bad. When confronting Danny about stealing, he dosen’t consider MAYBE he’s part of a gang or needs help, but just wonders “Why are you stealing when I give you stuff”. Because, Dipshit, sometimes kids do crimes not because they need the stuff but because they WANT to, and because they want to act the fuck out. 

The most he does for the kid is agree to try and get April to back off the police when Cheif Sterns offers to let Danny go and not put him on record in exchange for it. The problem.. is this makes him even MORE unsympathetic. While I do get wanting to help your child, I do and it’s a sucky position... he again should be sympathetic.. but he handles the thing so badly it sucks. He just tells april to ease off, with no reason given, then fires her when she SHOCKINGLY dosen’t give up taking the guy whose refusing to take her hard work seriously or actually solve the crime wave problem to task for his shitty behavior as ANY person facing a shitty, corrput cop would. She just wants to hold him acountable and get him to actually do something. He clearly knows her on a personal level too as he talks about his issues with his son freely with her, something you don’t do with an employee unless their also a friend on some level. 

He could have TOLD april what was going on. She’d be furious at Stern’s naked corrpution and prioritizing shutting her up over actually solving crimes.. and thus put at least some of that energy into shutting him down or finding a way around it, going to the papers or something like that. Even in 1990 pre-internet, there were ways to get around Sterns blackmail and expose him so someone who’d actually do the job could get the job. Instead he just comes off as a selfish coward who rather than try and fight the guy blatantly abusing his power and using Charles own son as  barganing chip, goes along with it because it’s the easier option to simply bow to him instead of TRY and stop this. And it’s not like he’s even going after a beloved public figure or someone who could hide behind his rep: Sterns was blatantly failing a crime wave, April had called him out on his failrues and coverups multiple times. The public was against sterns.. finding out he tried to blackmail the media into shutting up about him would PROBABLY end him... I only say probably not because the public wouldn’t skewer him, but because police tend to escape consequences for blatantly murdering someone on a daily basis and Andrew Cumo is STILl mayor over in new york, the same city this movie takes place, 31 years later, depsite EVERYONE asking him to resign over a long history of sexual harassment and a more recent but still horrible history of hiding death numbers. I don’t doubt people being stupid enough to ignore this or the bilaws with cops being stacked enough for him to get away with it, but just because someone gets away with a crime dosen’t mean you shoudln’t try and go after them in the first place. Fuck. Charles. Pennington. 

Danny on the other hand is FAR more interesting and I think gets way too much flack when it comes to this subplot. Unlike his dad, whose dead weight, Danny is intresting: He provides a POV character for the foot’s MO in the film of taking in wayward teens, and his character arc is pretty engaging, slowly realizing the foot dosen’t care and that hte turtles are the good guys. HIs actor does a great job and while not the biggest presence, he’s not a bad addition to clan hamaoto and I wish other adaptations would find a way to use him. The pull between doing the right thing and his found family is a good struggle. My only real issue with his plot is the moviies flawed aseop about family. It tries to contrast shredder and his using the kids blatnatly with Splinter and Charles really loving their sons. And it works with Splinter and the kids because despite being a tad strict, Splinter clearly loves his sons and works with them to help them. The problem is ENTIRELY with Charles and Danny. As I said Charles love comes off as transasctional: He either thinks he can buy it or just expects it because he shot a bunch of goop into Danny’s mom after two minutes of disapointment. It dosen’t work with them because neither option is good for Danny. His father is neglectful, chooses throwing his jounralistic integrity out the window over talking to his son or his best friend about another way, and abrasive. Danny is no saint, he does do crimes, but it’s clearly a result of a shitty upbringing and the shredder and co actually offeirng him the love he desperatly craves. Danny goes to the foot because his dad is bad at his job but the film never adresses that and just expects Danny to go back to his dad because the plot says so. Danny would HONESTLY be better off with Splinter. No really. Sure he’d have to live in the sewers.. but he did so for a few weeks in the course of the movie. He’s fine down there. Splitner actually cares about him and took an intrest to him and knows how to raise a child. Let him become the fifth turtle. An aseop about family is not a bad thing: Loaded subject that it can be given how many outright abusive families exist, i’m one of the lucky ones who dosen’t have that issue, family is an important thing and can be a source of comfort and support. But this film tells you you should love and respect someone who does not love, respect or value you because he spent a minute in your mom’s vagina and that’s not how family should work and is outright dangerous to kids in an abusive situation. Love the film otherwise but fuck this aseop skyhigh. 

Final thoughts:

Overall though.. the film is bodacious. It’s funny, well paced, has an awesome cast, and outside of a certain bald asswipe... it’s a really good superhero film. Is it the best i’ve seen? Nope. Not even close and character wise most of them are as thin as a wet paper bag covered in ranch dressing. But it’s still a fun as hell with awesome corepgraphy, a killer soundtrack, seriously the soundtrack is damn excellent and only didn’t get it’s own section because I didn’t have enough to say and some of the best effects work i’ve seen in a film in the turtle suits. If you haven’t seen it I urge you to check it out: it’s a breezy 90 minutes, it’s on hbo max and it’s a shell of a time. Will I do the next film? 

We’ll see how this one does like wise and such, but I will be doing the rise film whenever it comes out this year. So look for that and keep possesing turtle power my dudes. If you liked this review subscirbe for more, join my patreon to keep this blog a chugging, comission a review if you have more turtle stuff you want me to cover, and comment on this. What do you think of the movie, what are your thoughts on the review, what can I do better, what other turtle stuff would you like me to cover/ Let me know and i’ll see you at hte next rainbow. 

[pixieungerstories]

The Captive - 12

Ben noticed that Elly was still not her normal self. Despite selling two spinning wheels and having a loom put on layaway, she was tense and unhappy.  The knitters weren’t helping.  Posy, Cloe, and Lashandra spent the morning giving her the stink eye.  Which Ben thought was unfair since she was letting them use her store as an unofficial community hall.

He wasn’t in the best mood, either.  It was only September and people were already asking for pumpkin spice.  Then Elly said something that made his blood run cold.

Mrs Douglas was smiling as her husband and son carried her spinning wheel out to the car when she asked, “Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, dear, but why the sale now?”

Elly groaned and rubbed the back of her neck.  “To be honest, Millie, the shop isn’t actually making much of a profit.  Spinning wheels and looms take up a lot of floor space and don’t generate a lot of revenue.  I would be making better money if I shut the store down and just ran it as an internet yarn supplier.”

That stopped all the conversation in the place.

Mrs Douglas looked horrified.  Most of the ladies on the couches looked shocked.  The three annoying old biddies that were the source of most of the customer problems in the store, looked smug.  Ben wasn’t a fan of them.  Cloe never bought anything, but turned up every week to show off the deals she got on yarn at Walmart.  Posy routinely tripped the breakers by rearranging the lights.  Lashandra always complained about Ben’s food and Elly’s stock.

In Ben’s opinion, she would be better off evicting all three of them.  But they had been really close with Ina towards the end.  That and the knitters might boycott the store if they felt that Elly was slighting her customers.  Yeah.  He could completely understand why she would want out.  It just didn’t look good for him.  There were still almost two years left in his contract where he was taking up a lot of space - a quarter of the floor space - but not generating any money for the store.

The people who shopped here were friendly enough, mostly, but Elly didn’t really have anyone she could hang out with.  It made sense.  If she needed to stay home with George at night, that would explain a lot.  She was always friendly, easily identifiable as a hugger.  But she always just looked sad when he invited her out.  Not that he expected her to be falling at his feet, but those two sides of her personality just didn’t match.

Ben felt on edge for the rest of the day.  Elly had barely turned the sign to closed and locked the door when he asked, “Is this a going out of business sale?”

Elly shook her head.  “I can’t leave town, Ben.  You know that.  But, yeah, it’s a going out of the yarn business sale.”  She turned to look at him and whatever she saw on his face, made her hasten to add, “I have a plan!  If we put up french doors, just past the bathrooms, and another set on your outside wall, then you could be self contained and,” she stressed the last word, “have a patio to use when the weather is nice.  Let’s be honest, you don’t make much money off the knitters.  Mostly it’s people stopping in despite it being a fibre store, not because of it.”

“And you are going to set up an internet based store?” he asked carefully.

Elly shrugged.  “I would love to be a rare book dealer, but I can’t exactly travel to auctions.  I have to stay and keep George company.”

Ben frowned.  “Does it have to be you keeping him company?”

“I can’t exactly get a sitter in,” Elly snapped.  Ben tensed, she noticed.  “Sorry.  That was rude.”

“I’ll forgive you this time because I know you are under stress.  George doesn’t need a babysitter, he just needs company.  I’m not exactly chopped liver, you know.”

She gaped at him.  Ben shrugged, “You can think about it, but I’m making the offer.”

“Thank you.”

----

George wasn’t even sure how to kill a human anymore.  It used to be easy. Swoop in, pick them up, crunch them up and swallow.  Then it was a little harder and involved setting their house on fire by flaming down their chimney.  That came back to bite him in the past, didn’t it just.  These days, it seemed like a bad idea to be seen.  They had cameras everywhere.  He could handle a few humans, but they were like wasps.  They might be able to sting, but you were fine until they swarmed.

He had a live and let live policy.  But if they came after his treasure, he was prepared to burn the village to the ground.    George blew a smoke ring as he considered that. It wasn’t that he begrudged humans their new understanding.  It was just so damned inconvenient sometimes.

It seemed ridiculous that he should have to deal with hiding because science had proven he didn’t exist while at the same time having to figure out how to find and eliminate an augur.  He liked the new evolution of witches, why did he have to stumble across someone going old school?

He wondered again, if he was the last or if there were others hiding in basements and attics around the world?  He remembered in the 1960’s there were rumours about alligators in the sewers in New York.  That had given him some pause, but there was no way to investigate.  He had also heard a few stories of wildfires over the wireless that struck him as suspicious, but he couldn’t be sure if that was just wishful thinking.

His kind had been around when humans were not particularly successful monkeys falling out of trees and were only surviving because of their short reproductive cycle.

He wanted to be out hunting, but that wasn’t how it worked any more.  It wouldn’t be an army coming for him.  It would be someone ransoming Elly and him having to decide exactly how much he valued her.  If it had been the last woman, well, that one would have been on her own.

Hmm.

That was a fair point.  Ina was old and then she was dead.  He hadn’t put much thought into it.  However the augur hadn’t turned up until after Elly had.  Which suggested, either it was her or it was someone targeting her.

Or, possibly someone scrying to see when the best time to take her was.

George growled to himself.  She was nearly the last of his treasure that was still stored on site.  Damned if he was going to let anyone steal from him.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

UPDATE!

9/20/2020

Okay, so I’m definitely glad to live in a house that has Doors, Closets, Walls in the Bathroom(s), a Kitchen, and no stairs. These are the biggest pluses I can think of at present beyond us having few neighbors and it being dead quiet at night(thank God).

Unfortunately, being uprooted so quickly means we’ve had no internet connection this entire time and whatever I got was from bumming off of Walmart the few times we went! My life requires internet connection for me to do fucking anything! I’m useless any other way.

I’m pissed because on September 6th I purchased a 1 Month Subscription for the PSN so I could extend my experience another month(to October 8th). I had to do surveys to get the money to even buy the thing. It was necessary if I want to be able to play Dead by Daylight(or any game requiring an online connection tbh). We didn’t get internet until October 6th. The move has rendered 2/3 of that month useless, meaning I basically wasted $10 and because I’ve had no internet connection, I haven’t been able to do more surveys to get more points to trade in for gift cards.

I do not like wasting money. I’m poor. It’s like everything I’m against.

So I’ve just been stressed from that since I don’t know when I’m gonna be able to play DbD again(or much of anything).

Add on the fact that we have so much shit but no idea where to put any of it, and I wanna pull my hair out.

Like, we needed to move things twice with the same moving truck, and then the rest was split between 2 cars several times because the truck was only rented for 2 days. We cleaned out the dining room of all the stuff dumped there on the first night, and then the second night the second load came in and we’ve barely made it through it all. [Edit: 10/6/2020 - It’s mostly cleaned out y now.]

A lot of it was my sister’s so she’s just got stacks of shit in her room with nowhere to put all of it. So there is an empty space in the dining room now, but we can’t put anything else away right now.

Why?

-There is central air, and it isn’t working. It’s been in the 90s/100s ever since we got here. I’m using 3 fans in my room alone. My room is the coolest and goes down to like the 70s at night. It’s fucking sad as hell. Anyway, dude had to come out and fix the air. It needs a part(and the landlord said if we bought it, he’d remove the price of it from the rent each month apparently). So we buy it and it gets put in. Air’s still not working for some reason? Don’t know much more about it tbh. [Edit: 10/3/2020 – We just got back our ACs and just put them in the windows. Central Air ain’t doing shit still.]

-There’s no hot water. The thing that heats it needs a part and the landlord gives the same rent option. So now there’s hot water and lower rent.

-The kitchen sink needed a final part. We got the part, put it in. The pipe broke. So we need to get a new pipe for it(with the same option about rent from the landlord). [Edit: 10/3/2020 – The sink is shit still. It clogs too quickly no matter what we do and to get a full day’s use out of it we need to pour acid down the drain each night. Wtf?]

So in order to put everything away, we need to be able to put all the crockery away first. That’s an ass load of things that are ours and then a lot that were my Nana’s. We’ve been slowly and steadily doing the dishes in the bathtub of my mom’s bathroom because we can’t use the fucking sink because of the pipe and the fact that the drain gets clogged really fast. [Edit: 10/4/2020 - We’ve finally got things working out. Most stuff is put away now.]

There’s so much stuff we have.

And no internet. I’ve been dying.

I don’t know if Taylor Swift did anything in this time.

I don’t know if I lost any followers because I vanished. [Edit: 10/6/2020 - I actually gained followers somehow.]

I don’t know what any of my fav YouTube reactors are doing.

I didn’t have any music to listen to.

I didn’t have access to Dead by Daylight.

I’ve been suffering in hot boredom! T_T

Good News:

My room is finished, so that’s nice. I didn’t have as many things as I thought. And this room is so much bigger than the other. Like, my bed is pushed up against a far corner across from the door. Lengthwise, along the back wall, it’s about 10 ft., widthwise, along the side walls, it’s about 15 ft. on one side and 18ft. on the other side where the door is.

My sister’s is the exact same size and shape but mirrored. She likes hers too.

Here’s how our rooms are shaped, just mirrored against each other.

I am glad to be away from all the shit from before, I just wish things could go smoothly for us for just once. Being poor just comes with bad luck unfortunately.

And there is still drama on all sides. The rent is not cheap. I don’t even have to pay it and I’m stressing over it. As such, I kept all boxes that held my shit, and just put them in the closet. Everything will be easy enough to pack up since I didn’t unpack a lot of things too. I don’t trust anything and am an eternal realist. And realistically, for poor people, things always get worse and never get better(or manage stay better long enough to count).

Mom and I knew that step-bro and his wife would manipulate their way into living with us somehow. That’s how these things go. He jumps in over his head, fucks up, and the moment he’s held responsible, he picks up and moves on to the next house in the cycle so he can avoid his problems. And he’ll repeat it over and over again. He’s been doing this since he was 10.

Which means them and their baby. And since he’s like an adult-sized baby, I’m none too pleased, and mom isn’t either.

And I don’t even have internet to lessen my suffering.

Edit: 10/6/2020 - We have internet! This post was something I was working on the whole time I was gone, as you can tell by the edits added.

[lilac-chimera]

March of Dragons 2021: Prompt 1

Ok, So

One evening, in 2010, my parents had to leave me home with my little sister for some important thing I no longer remember, so they picked up a random kids movie from Redbox to keep us entertained. I thought it was pretty good (I mean, what kid doesn’t think dragons are the coolest), but there was... something about it that kept me thinking about it. But the next morning i rewatched it before we had to return it, and that was that. I kinda forgot about it and moved on with my life of playing in the woods.

Until 2 years later. Once again, we needed a random Redbox disk for me and my now 2 little sisters to watch on a long car ride, and a few episodes of a show called Riders of Berk look okay enough. I pretty quickly linked it to the cool dragon movie and really enjoyed it. So for my 12th birthday, my parents bought me a How To Train Your Dragon dvd. I. Was. Mesmerized. I watched it enough to annoy my parents, but they didn’t think much else of it. Then an unknown amount of time later, we found half a season of the show at Walmart, and my mom let me get it. And it only got worse from there.

I constantly watch the show, collecting all the dvds. I had a DVD player in my room, so I would put the movie on and let it automatically skip the menu. It was on a constant loop in my room for at least a year. If I didn’t have the movie on, I was looking at my carefully printed list to see what disk my favorite episodes were on. Half of my sibling interactions were just quoting the twins for 30 minutes. I lost my mind when I realized there was a game, and might have screamed when the trailer for the sequel first played. Of course I got my best friend to see it in theaters with me.

When I was looking for info on when the new season of Race to the Edge was going on Netflix, I stumbled across a site called Berk’s Grapevine. At first I only checked for new about the franchise, but eventually realized the comment section had a really funny, nice community of fans I wanted to join. That was the day I finally broke my “stranger danger” mindset and let myself talk to people.

Even now that my full blown obsession had decreased to just a comforting presence in my life, I still am active with the Grapevine and love the franchise with all my heart.

@thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname @dagurdewhite @ruthiefalkonobi @anythingforstories

[caribouwritings]

Sub-Zero

           I was only three when my older brother Eddie died. He had a brain tumor; he died a couple weeks after my birthday and a couple weeks before his.

          He did just as he told our mom when he said, “I stay four.”

          On June 27th, my big brother was gone at age four.

***

           My parents tried to give me a happy life. They gave me privileges that some kids are not as lucky enough to have (such as a vacation almost every year). Despite what the therapist had said when the event happened, I was damaged and it was only a matter of time before it would all show in forms that got glossed over repeatedly.

I didn’t just lose my brother, I lost my best friend, my protector, my guide… I lost my Eddie.

           Although I can now say it and not think much of it, I still cry at the thought I was cheated out of a big brother to teach me the ropes and take my hand when I was scared.

           Senior year of high school was the hardest. I was graduating (on that day fifteen years later) and my brother did not even make it to kindergarten, which he was so excited for because he’d get to ride a bus; His favorite thing in life besides me, our family, Scooby-Doo, and Donald Duck was anything with an engine.

           I outlived my brother who knew what he wanted (it could’ve changed in time, but it would still involve cars and trucks), and I had panicked. I believed people when they told me I would be a great English teacher. I wanted to be a writer, but everyone kept saying I am a teacher at heart. There was just a couple teeny tiny (major) problems:  I hate school (and still do), I am very selective with what I choose to read, and I don’t talk unless I want to or need to.

            Kudos to those who teach, but I’d rather not go back. School for me was where I had my individuality constantly beaten out of me, I was bullied by other students for who I was, have been accused and associated with things I am not, and my mental health got worse.

           However, being non-confrontational, I just nodded my head and let myself be pushed to a major I did not want and watched as I slowly went downhill, and crossed paths with someone a little bit before graduation who is just like me… sort of.

           I was looking for some new games to play that are like Street Fighter II. While watching a Top Ten Best Fighting Games of All Time video on YouTube, the channel (Watchmojo) ranked a video game called Mortal Kombat (2011) at number two, right next to Street Fighter II which placed number one. When I saw the game on clearance at Walmart, I put it in the cart with the plan to take over the unused Xbox 360 in the living room bought by my parents’ for the Kinect feature. My mom did not care anymore, she was just grateful that the expensive gaming system collecting dust under the TV stand was finally being used.

           I played through several kombatants (yes, with a ‘K’, most ‘C’ starting words are replaced with a ‘K’) in the Ladder Fights and Test Your Luck challenges for hours enjoying the blood and gruesome moves.

            I oddly kept finding myself drawn to Sub-Zero, the blue ice assassin (don’t call them ninjas, they find it highly insulting). I didn’t know why though; I couldn’t figure out why I thought the man with ice powers was intriguing. Curious by nature, I did what I do with everything else I found fascinating, I dug for all the information I could find. It didn’t matter how useless and random, I wanted to know everything about the world of Mortal Kombat, and I now know a huge chunk of it.

           Sub-Zero’s real name is Kuai Liang, and he was originally called Tundra. He is the younger brother of Bi-Han, the first Sub-Zero in the series, and Kuai Liang took the name Sub-Zero after his brother’s death to honor him. That was the only similarity I thought we had, but I was so wrong… I was so wrong.

           Mortal Kombat is super violent. The two ice powered brothers are best known for a fatality where they rip the head and spine out of their enemy opponent, both parts still attached together like a twisted party trick (and this is also the main origin to the ERSP rating system in video games). I am not even strong enough to lift a twenty pound puppy without nearly dropping the stubborn Shepard Labrador mix back on the ground with a thump. Plus there’s the other stuff on the surface:  blonde Caucasian female with an olive shade of green eyes, a bubbly persona and pink girly appearance, versus a dark haired Chinese American male with icy blue eyes, a cold persona and super violent history.

           “He is just a video game character, he is not real. You don’t need to care this much for this fictional character.”

           I know that. Kuai Liang is not real, but his story is real to me.

           Kuai Liang went through hell. Everything bad that could have happened, did happen to him. He lost his brother when Scorpion—the wraith of the NetherRealm (and the franchise’s fan favorite character)—killed him in retaliation for killing the whole Shirai Ryu clan, his kind-hearted wife, and innocent baby boy (spoiler alert, it wasn’t Bi-Han at all! Scorpion was tricked into killing an innocent man!). Wanting to avenge his brother’s death, and avoid the Lin Kuei’s new cyber-initiative their Grandmaster was keen on, Kuai Liang and his best friend, Smoke, ran away to find the answers to what happened to Bi-Han. Right when our new Sub-Zero nearly has his revenge and is to kill Scorpion, he is stopped and surrounded by members of his former clan who have been converted from human to cyborg; despite the robotic outsides and still human insides, they are brainwashed to obey like full-fledged robots. He is taken back to the clan and suffers the same fate of being turned into a cyborg and is renamed LK-520, then sent after Smoke who managed to get away. Lucky for both of them, cyber-Sub-Zero is knocked unconscious and Smoke gets help from his new allies to reset Kuai Liang, but although he gets his control back, he is now stuck as a mashup of man and machine. Until (in a rushed scene of the game) he is killed and his soul is sent to the Netherrealm where he is rebuilt from what is left of his remaining bits of human organs and bone inside his robotic shell. Although human again, he is now under the mind control of the sorcerer, Quan Chi (spoiler alert! He’s the real person behind Scorpion’s suffering!), and is now working alongside both the man who framed his brother and the man who murdered his brother, along with several of his new allies that died as well. In the tenth game, he is freed from Quan Chi’s control by being in the right place at the right time (and by also being a fan favorite character too).

           That should be the end of it, but it’s not. This is right before I realized how perfectly Kuai Liang’s life parallels mine. This is before I read the comics.  

           Like I said, I get invested in stories to the point I want to find out everything I can. When I found all three volumes of the comic series on Amazon, I couldn’t resist and I bought all three.

           When UPS came to deliver the package, I brought it straight to my room plopping the brown cardboard box on my bed, and cut the tape open with a pink mechanical pencil. I didn’t care for the other two books I bought (except enough to hide the one I bought for my little sister’s birthday in the closet) because there they were. Volumes one, two, and three were at the bottom of the box under giant green bags of air that are satisfying to stomp on and give unsuspecting siblings heart attacks, but that was unimportant in this moment. I took the three volume books out and spread them on my bed, and dived right into the unknown; into the rebuild of the Shirai Ryu, the second generation of klassic characters, and what happened to those who lived or were brought back like Sub-Zero.

           Sub-Zero, at this point, was my favorite character. In volume two, however, there was a shift in my view of him. In that shift, he became my number one favorite character ever and sealed his place into that spot permanently.

           Kuai Liang had become possessed by a cursed dagger in the previous volume, and it continued into volume two. Scorpion (he is a good guy now… sort of) and his apprentice, Takeda, go after him and get the dangerous dagger back, but the curse makes it hard for Scorpion to reason with Kuai Liang. Scorpion becomes frustrated and the two fight to what they believe to be the death, until Takeda manages to get the dagger away. Kuai Liang exhausts out all the remaining evil within him, and then is left standing there perplexed by why he is there and what is going on. It doesn’t matter to Scorpion though, he still beats the bewildered young Sub-Zero to a bloody pulp and leaves him to die.

           Kuai Liang rethinks his life as he lays their bleeding out, so when Bo’ Rai Cho (ew, trust me on this one, just ew) comes to him to help him get back on his feet, he asks him, “you haven’t figured out what all these events mean? Why I’m here?”

           Kuai Liang’s answer is, “I must commit hara kiri…”

           There. There it is. Right there. That is the line that made me see I am more like Sub-Zero than I thought I was.

           We lost our older brothers, we lost our individuality, we were beaten, we were bullied, we were brainwashed, we took orders, we went down wrong paths, we battled the world, we battled ourselves, and we took so much of a beaten that we laid in our own blood, sweat, and tears thinking “I must commit hara kiri…”

           What is hara kiri? To simplify, it is suicide.

           I remember putting the comic down on my stuff animal infested bed and staring at the lavender colored walls, looking at the big picture. Sub-Zero is a strong warrior with ice powers, and he hit rock bottom. He may be physically stronger than me, but he is just as broken and weak as me on the inside. He put up a shield, hiding behind his anger just like I hid behind my smile.

           I picked up the comic again, and skipped frantically through the pages of volume three just to get to Kuai Liang and find the answers. What did he do and how did he survive to be in the next game?

           It is complicated and complex, but the answer is different based on how you interpret his story. I obviously interpreted it well, because I am here. I am okay.

[pinkykitten]

HiGH

13 reasons why

Scott Reed x female! reader

Warning: getting high, vomiting, cursing, partying

Specifics: comedy, fluff, one-shot, race neutral reader

People: scott reed, jock dude, your friend, red haired cheerleader 

Words: 1,854

Requested: By anon 😍😁 I'd love a Scott Reed one with fem reader. Since its getting close to Halloween how about how they got/ get together at a Halloween party?

Authors Note: sorry guys for not posting a lot here ive been studying for exams and just my life is so complicated atm so forgive me i know i should post more its just all the stress ya girl sometimes gets writers block. i appreciate u guys still sticking w me reading my stuff and im glad to be posting something and feel good about it.

The different array of colored lights shone brightly as a hit pop song blasted loud through the speakers. The party everyone at school was looking forward to. Only the best out of the best was present, stuffing their faces with alcohol and booze to wash down the pain and stresses of school and life. 

You were content with staying home, wanting to open a bag of chips and really experience Netflix and chill. Solo. Alone. By yourself. A lone wolf. Why in the world were you really here at this party? You were a nobody compared to all these wannabes. 

You were fidgety, playing with your fingers to control your anxiety of all these people and the atmosphere. It was so unlike you. Then you remembered. The only reason you were here was because your friend - not really - needed to trade with you the history paper you lent her. She was very persistent to get you to come to her rather than drive her car to your house. You were a very simple girl, you hated teenagers - even though you are one of them - and high school. But why did you dress your best to come to something you cared so little about? You had spent a little more over ten minutes just to pick your shoes! Did this gathering really matter to you?

“Okay y/n you’re gonna go in there and swipe that paper out of her hands and go straight back home. You’re not going to look at the food, not going to be deceived into drinking and you are certainly not going to look at a boy and dance with them because you are better than that,” you spoke aloud to yourself walking up the stairs to the house, getting some cat calls and whistles sent your way. Opening the door you were greeted by a shirtless jock. He dripped with sweat or was that beer? He was dancing as if he was experiencing a seizure.

“Remember what you gotta do, y/n,” that phrase echoed in your head. You crawled past the dancing, then squeezed past the horny animals making out by the bathrooms. “Where the f*ck is she?” Your head whipped back and forth in search for your “friend.” You landed on her doing a chug contest. “Excuse me,” you would say periodically, shoving yourself beside hollering people. You stood beside her and tapped her on the shoulder. She didn’t want to mess with her chugging so she pointed on the table by the drinks. “Thanks.” The table was littered with people f*cking like they were experiencing sex for the first time. Moaning and groaning really wanting nerdy, single people - like yourself - feel very alone and really praying they would get that action tonight. You grabbed your paper having to really pull as there was an a*s cheek of a red haired cheerleader plopped on top of it. You grimaced as you pulled the paper, making note to wash your hands when you have the chance. 

“Now time to go home,” your determined self wiped your jacket getting ready to depart but your e/c eyes caught sight of a delicious looking drink. It was aqua blue with chunks of who knows what fruit in there. It was placed proudly on top of the kitchen counter. 

“Wipe out!” The jock screamed on the top of his lungs, sounding like an alarm. 

You covered your ears, annoyed. A group of teens took their cups and splashed some of the drink inside, enjoying the taste. “Why’s its called wipe out?” You asked the jock. Curious. 

The jock raised his brow, taking you in. 

“Pitiful,” you thought. 

“Its because, babe, there is a secret ingredient in here.” He motioned to you. 

Placing your palm on his chest you pushed him away, “I swear if its your jizz, count me out.”

“Its not, unfortunately, but just try it.”

You looked down and bit your lip. You were having a full out debate in your head, going back and forth with yourself. You had to do this paper. The party side took control of you and you snatched a cup from the table and poured yourself some “Wipe out.” You were totally going to regret this later. 

A boy stood beside you, filling his cup as well. You weren’t going to lie to yourself, he was a cutie. From the way his f-boy, blond hairstyle stood still with either hairspray or gel or who knows what, to his baby blue eyes. Your eyes traveled to his lips. He saw you staring and presented you with a smirk. A sexy smirk at that. You almost fainted! 

“This is bad,” your eyes widened as you felt light headed. You knew you could only keep away for so long. 

“Hey, I know you. You are in my bio class. You always sit up front.” No way this boy was Scott Reed. He was the talk of the school, having to be entwined with the drama of Bryce. “I’m-”

“Scott Reed. I know and I’ve seen you in class.”

“And your name is,” he pondered for a moment. “Y/n l/n.”

Oh dear. You were starting to sweat from the realization that you and Scott were on a knowing name base. That was enough to start something. Something you didn’t want to start because you didn’t know if you could finish it. 

“Wow didn’t think you were into this party life.”

“I’m not,” you took a large chug of your drink and Scott’s face looked disgusted. “What?”

“You’re not supposed to drink it that fast or all of that, for that matter. Okay you may experience being very...high.”

“High?” Yep it was truly a mistake for you step foot into this party. “There were drugs in that drink?”

“...yeah?”

“Scott!”

“Okay yes there was. I think only a little. Also alcohol, of course. It may not effect you though. Each person is different.”

You were feeling already dizzy. The world spinning but in a good way. As if you were on a ride. You were overwhelmed with the feeling of happiness and you were very, terribly hungry. The overpowering, booming music was low and muffled when it traveled through your ears. You were stoned and you wanted to dance. “DaNcE wHiP mE bAbEy.” You staggered back and forth. 

“You sure?” Scott asked, holding onto your arm. 

“Of CoUrSsSsSsSsSsSsSsE sCoTtY mCsNoTtY. GrInD wIf mEh.”

“Alright, if you say so.” Scott and you danced in the living room. 

With the shake of your hips and the pumping of your fists you felt like you were on cloud 9. 

There was a sea of fans, cheering your name.  “Y/n! Y/n! Y/n!”

You performed on stage. Basking in the limelight, the attention. You were a star, a performer. You sang and danced on stage with your backup dancers giving it their all. Everyone in the crowd sang along with you, knowing every word. It was perfection. 

Then you threw up and blacked out. 

The pounding of your head woke you up, your eyes getting adjusted to new lighting. An unfamiliar jacket was on you and you heard the engine of a car. We’re you being kidnapped? You shot up and saw Scott - the boy from earlier - sitting beside you in his car. 

“You are not used to drugs,” he chuckled. 

“What happened?” You laid back calm. You touched your head thinking that was going to stop the pain. 

“You threw up. All over me.”

Eyes widening in horror having the knowledge that you threw up all over the cutest boy in school. That party was cursed. You covered your mouth seeing the stain on his shirt, “I am so sorry Scott. Lets go to Walmart right now, I’ll buy you a new shirt.”

Scott touched your hand to calm you down, “its fine y/n, really. How are you though?”

“Well, lets just say I’m never doing drugs,” you sighed. “I feel really bad for doing that to your shirt. I bet you wish you never met me.”

“I would never wish that. We all make mistakes and to be honest you are the good one out of all of us. Don’t worry about this. You live and learn.” Scott drove to a drug store. “Wait here.”

Waiting for what felt like hours you imagined Scott as your knight in shining armor. You were hating yourself for feeling this way about some boy but you couldn’t help but get butterflies in your stomach when you pictured his eyes, lips, face, and even his smirk in your head. He was like another drug. 

Finally, Scott returned to the car and with him was a couple of bags. “I got you some medicine to help with the mess and the feeling like you’re gonna throw up every minute.”

Scott was a lifesaver!

“I got you medicine also for the pounding in your head. I also got you water and this,” he scooped up a stuffed raccoon (ik this is weird but its the first thing i can think of) placing it in your arms. 

“Aww this is so cute Scott. Thank you for all of this, really I truly appreciate all you’ve done from driving me to getting me these meds. Its means a lot.”

“No problem y/n. I always wanted to accompany a beautiful lady in distress.”

“Well you picked the right one.” Nausea was the symptoms you were feeling at that moment. It was unknown to you if it was the drugs, alcohol, or Scott.

“What are you going to name the little guy?” Scott pretended to pet the fake raccoon. 

You stared at the stuffed animals eyes and knew what the littler vermin would be called. “Veneno. Its means drugs in Latin.”

Scott giggled. His smile making you weak in the knees. “That’s perfect.”

“I know right-” You hurled on the floor beside his car. It was almost like a continuous cycle. You, vomit, him, help. It was compared to a endless waterfall.

“Thats it.” Scott rubbed soothing circles on your aching back. “Let it all out. I’m here for you and not going anywhere.”

Feeling very sick at that moment, you clutched his hand for support. Finishing letting the drugs exit your body, Scott handed you the water bottle. “You know, you’re one of the good ones as well,” you croaked as your throat was burning. 

You drank, letting the cold liquid slide past your throat. Your eyes kept opening and closing. Throwing up takes a lot out of your body. You felt you were used as a punching bag and all you wanted to do was get some sleep.

Scott got in his car and started it. You were a fallen leaf, a wilted flower. Your head fell against Scott’s shoulder - like a dropping petal -  and there you fell asleep. 

“I think its time to take you home,” Scott whispered. 

Starting something with Scott meant something to you. Yes, you may have gotten high at a cheap, smelly party but at least you had the pleasure of meeting a young man who cared. 

Tag list: @harrington-lover​​, @angelgl16​​, @perfectlybeautifulsuit​​, @hyehoney​​, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly​​​, @totally-alexa21​​, @creamy-pasta-boi​​, @multireese​​, @fanfictionrecommendations-com​​, @prentisskelley​​, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97​​, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople​​, @collectiveyou​​, @wtfisalltherandoms​​, @dirbel​​, @eastcoasthaven​​, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @melonreblogsstories​​​, @reginalinettis​​​

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[shaorankun]

Guardian Chapter 86 Translation (Guo Changcheng and Chu Shuzhi’s part)

I am currently reading Guardian (鎮魂) and when I got to Chapter 86 in the fan translation (I prefer reading in English) they did not translate this entire part. I only did a light google and didn’t find a proper translation for this so I decided to just complete it myself. I didn’t want to read the rest of the story with a chunk missing, haha. Sharing my labour here for anyone else who might be wanting to read this missing part. I didn’t know where to post this so tumblr it is...

(credit: I’m using the same title from the fan translation I’m reading)

Chapter 86: The Paper-white Face of The Young Ghost King Reflected All of His Desires, Saying Frankly, “Good-looking. I want to hold you.”

Chu Shuzhi did not think that when he returned to Dragon City the first person he would see was Guo Changcheng.

He was just released from his shackles and got back his past items that were forcibly taken by Hell. He was in a good mood. Taking advantage of the Chinese New Year break, he found a wild mass grave1 and retreated for a few days. It wasn’t until he received Wang Zheng’s message that Zhu Hong was planning on resigning that he hurriedly bought a train ticket and rushed back to Dragon City.

The crowd at the train station was bustling. Chu Shuzhi walked forward for a while, looking in all directions for a taxi, and saw Guo Changcheng’s familiar figure—the young man was carrying a huge woven bag, his body was almost curled into a ball2 and he was slowly wiggling about with difficulty.

Just by looking at Guo Changcheng you could tell he did not do much physical work. When he went to school he probably had mediocre grades in Physical Education too. Carrying a big bag, he looked like a snail carrying a heavy shell. People passing by couldn’t help but turn and look at this young man.

Chu Shuzhi was worried he recognized the wrong person at first. Glancing again, he stared at what should have be a sturdy nylon bag open up with a small gap. A lady selling corn at the roadside kindly warned, “Hey, young man, your bag is going to spill!”

Guo Changcheng turned to the voice, but probably because his things were too heavy, when he turned his body he didn’t pay attention to his feet and he stumbled into a luggage being pulled by a young lady who just happened to pass by. Guo Changcheng was flustered and before he could apologize, the young man next to the lady aggressively pushed him. “Watch it, where are you stepping?”

Guo Changcheng was already not standing steadily and once he stumbled, the ‘city wall’ behind his back rumbled and fell. The bottom of the nylon woven bag broke apart and a bunch of outrageous items noisily fell out, including pots, pans, plates and plastic bags of food and clothing. The weirdest thing was that there was also an approximately sixty centimeters in diameter and eight centimeters thick large wooden cutting board—he was basically carrying a mini Walmart.

The young man who pushed him probably just stepped from person to person to fight out a path through the crowded train station. Seeing Guo Changcheng wearing dusty old clothes, he regarded him as a migrant worker returning to the city, and was suddenly disgusted and inexplicably felt a sense of unspeakable superiority. With one hand he was pulling the lady next to him to leave and at the same time complaining, “Knowing there’d be a lot of people and still bringing so much stuff. Are you an idiot? Can you afford to pay for damaging this luggage?”

Guo Changcheng repeatedly apologized. Seeing all the items had fallen on the ground, almost looking stupid, he hurriedly crouched down to pick them up. As he saw the nylon woven bag spill from both ends, he was at a loss and helplessly grabbed his own hair, worried.

It was at that moment that a somewhat skinny hand reached over and easily took both ends of the nylon bag and made a dead knot, making it into the shape of a cloth bag, then placed the junk in the middle of it. Weighing downwards, it looked the same as holding a SpongeBob. With one hand he was able to wrap up the pieces of heavy items.

Guo Changcheng: “Chu Ge3!”

If he had a tail, his wagging could’ve been used as an electric fan. He suddenly forgot that the one standing in front of him was The Zombie Corpse King—in Guo Changcheng’s view, Chu Shuzhi was practically a saviour who fell from the sky.

Chu Shuzhi ignored him. While holding the large nylon bag with one hand, he turned towards the young man who hadn’t gone too far, and with not a good look on his face he said, “The one in front, I advise you roll back here and apologize.”

Usually when Chu Shuzhi was normal it was fine, but when his face sunk he was particularly scary, almost naturally wearing a hint of the vicious gloom of a fugitive. The young man who was just fierce looked at him, appearing fierce but was weak inside, and said, “What else do you want?”

Just as Chu Shuzhi was about to walk towards him, Guo Changcheng held onto him. “Chu Ge, Chu Ge let’s go. It was I who didn’t see just now. I’m sorry.”

Uneasy, he raised his eyes to the other and smiled, holding onto Chu Shuzhi’s cold hand. “My fault, my fault.”

The two in front cussed as they left, completely unaware that they just escaped a crisis.

Chu Shuzhi turned around and looked at Guo Changcheng and thought that not only was he so much of a saint that he was an idiot4, he was pretty much messed up in the brain. To be at this stage of no temper and no courage, even if one didn’t say he didn’t seem like a young and vigorous man, he simply didn’t even seem like a person.

Chu Shuzhi irritably broke away from his hand and pointed at the bag of groceries in his own hand. “Does your family have nothing to eat, that they’re making you spend the New Year selling groceries?”

“No, I’m helping someone deliver this. I didn’t expect the bag to suddenly break.” Guo Changcheng eagerly followed him but also felt rather embarrassed. “I, I, let me carry it, it’s not much further.”

Chu Shuzhi impatiently avoided his hand and frowned. “Lead the way.”

Guo Changcheng immediately was too scared to utter a sound and walked ahead in small steps, leading the way.

Passing by the street in front of the station, they made multiple turns and entered a small alley. They arrived at a shadowed zone of the bustling city. Inside the alley was a row of dilapidated single-story houses. Walking deep inside, a female student with a ponytail was standing at a door, sweeping the floor with a broom. When she saw Guo Changcheng she very happily greeted him, exposing the college break volunteer sign around her neck.

Guo Changcheng felt a little embarrassed when seeing the girl and unnaturally lowered his head. Sounding like a mosquito, he buzzed, “Hello.”

The young lady was not inattentive and seeing Chu Shuzhi holding a big bag, she immediately dropped the broom and helped him open the door. As she walked she asked Guo Changcheng, “Have you registered them? Did you print it out? We have to express gratitude to each person on the internet.”

Guo Changcheng, this boy, he was very slow when he did things and he wasn’t clever. At the unit the always-rushing-them-Zhao would get angry and directly scold him. But in the end when he finished, it was always done very earnestly and meticulously. The reports written, no matter how long or how important or how much paper was wasted, never had a single typo. Slowly, even their nitpicky leader couldn’t say anything.

Guo Changcheng promptly nodded and took out a pile of printed paper from his bag. In total there were seven to eight pages. On them were detailed records of who donated, what was donated, the donor’s contact address, phone number, internet name, e-mail and other information. The value of the donated items varied from Chinese Yuan5 to a Chinese cabbage. It was simply odd and by no means an isolated case.

It turns out this was led by a few of Dragon City’s universities. They were taking advantage of the winter break and came together with some social service groups to organize and create this volunteer operation called “For the Old, For the Young6”. On Guo Changcheng’s side, they specialized in targeting the elderly at the lowest rung of society who, due to various reasons, lost their ability to make a livelihood. In small groups, each were responsible for the long-term care for a set of elderlies.

Because Guo Changcheng was unable to communicate with people, he was unable to take the responsibility of relieving the boredom of the elderly so he ended up with the job of collecting donations from society. Fortunately, the volunteer team had more girls so he was able to help greatly with some physical tasks, using this break to act as a porter.

Chu Shuzhi helped them place the objects down. As it was along the way, he started Guo Changcheng’s car and brought him along to No. 4 Bright Avenue. Guo Changcheng’s palms were damaged by the rubbing of the nylon bag; he sat at the passenger seat quietly and used a wet towel to wipe it.

Since it was rare for Chu Shuzhi to be in the mood to talk, he said a few words to him. “You’re still caring about anyone, are you trying to deliver all living creatures from difficulty?”

Guo Changcheng widened a pair of ignorant eyes and looked at him with astonishment.

Chu Shuzhi changed the question. “Doing this kind of stuff, does your family know?”

Guo Changcheng silently shook his head.

Chu Shuzhi incomprehensively laughed. Then he said, “Then on New Year’s Day did you burn some incense? The way you are, your wishes would easily come true.”

Guo Changcheng shook his head again. He was extremely satisfied with his current life. Apart from his family and friends being safe and healthy, there was nothing else he’d ask for—right now his family and friends seemed safe and healthy so he thought it was better to not trouble Buddha.

Chu Shuzhi took advantage of the traffic light and tilted his head to glance at him. Guo Changcheng was not tall, not strong and also not handsome. His facial features could not be said to be good looking. He was usually very low-key and didn’t own even a single brand name piece of whatever common youngsters thought was popular. Basically you would be unable to find his type in a crowd of people. Because there was always a lack of confidence, there was absolutely never any class.

However, when he sat down and quietly didn’t say anything, his calm expression revealed something unspeakable, natural Zen.

Although Guo Changcheng was a mortal, wine and meat passing his intestines every day, he didn’t understand what practicing spiritual development was, he didn’t even understand all the words in scriptures, and all of the Buddhist Arhats in the entire world were only known through the popular TV show Journey to the West where he only recognized two of them: one Guanyin, one Tathagata. Due to a problem with the actors, even now there was doubt towards the gender.

But Chu Shuzhi could sense that he was acting without regard for others and was peacefully and quietly building something.

It was neither the well-being of this life nor the virtue of the next life.

With Chu Shuzhi’s eyesight and cultivation, he only hazily had a feeling. As for what it was specifically, he couldn’t clearly tell.

Despite Chu Shuzhi not understanding what Guo Changcheng was thinking when doing these things, it didn’t stop the sudden uncomfortable feeling in his heart. There seemed to be a bit of resentment and dissatisfaction.

Even without mentioning anything else, with this child being covered from head to toe in three chi7 thick of virtue, shouldn’t he be living a peaceful and happy life? Why was it that he was born with an unlucky fate? Although everyone knew The Book of Life and Death regarded merits and demerits as very much nonsense, yet didn’t Hell use it rather brazenly?

He stopped speaking. His fanboy Guo Changcheng also didn’t have the courage to actively bring up any topics. The two of them remained silent all the way to No. 4 Bright Avenue. The curtain of night had already descended and all human and ghosts were present.

Once Chu Shuzhi entered the Criminal Investigations division, what came into view first was a group of demon and ghosts with a pair of blank eyes, as if they were collectively hit by a lightning strike.

Before he could even ask what was going on, he saw Wang Zheng turn her head over, trembling as she asked, “Chu Ge, did you know of the matter that Teacher Shen… Shen Wei, was really the Ghost Slayer?”

Chu Shuzhi froze for a bit. After a while, he calmly said, “Oh, that moron Zhao Yunlan, what is he doing that he didn’t come? Where is he? Ran away after messing things up?”

Da Qing was on the side and meowed, “He plunged into Wang Chuan waters.”

Chu Shuzhi: “……Love problems? Suicide?”

Da Qing and Zhu Hong had gotten over the initial shock and already calmed down.

Zhu Hong knew that Zhao Yunlan had on him the Water Dragon Pearl and any place that had water would not be able to harm him. She had just placed the Water Dragon Pearl around Zhao Yunlan’s neck and it was already being used. Zhu Hong felt that if she was a little more suspicious, it would feel like her Snake Uncle Four already knew of something beforehand.

Zhu Hong said, “My guess is that he’s looking for the Ghost Slayer.”

Chu Shuzhi took a quick look and saw that other than Lin Jing, who was still out in the field and already said he’d be taking the midnight train, the No. 4 Bright Avenue members were already all present. With both hands in his pocket, he leaned back against the office door. “I think, let’s have everyone talk about what they separately know. It’s been a mess recently. Let’s focus on the information and figure out what’s really happening. What to do—”

Speaking until here, Chu Shuzhi’s voice suddenly paused, his complexion suddenly didn’t look too good. This made everyone very nervous: “What did Chu Ge think of?”

“Wait, Shen Wei is the Ghost Slayer?” Chu Shuzhi’s face turned green. After a while he muttered, “Fuck I’ve messed up. I’ve teased him so many times before!”

……That’s why they sometimes say that being super calm was just your reflex arc taking too long.

---

野墳坡亂葬崗 [Yě fén pō luàn zàng gǎng] - Not really sure how to translate this. My best guess is it’s a random unmaintained grave. Probably some area with lots of dead bodies like after a war or something.

His body almost bent into a period. A period in Chinese looks like a hollow circle: 。

哥 [Gē] – Brother

Here Chu Ge was thinking that Guo Changcheng ‘Holy Mothered to idiocy’, he holy mothered so much he became ill. Holy mother being The Holy Mother; The Virgin Mary or a goddess.

人民币 [Rén ​mín ​bì] – Renminbi; China’s currency. Yuan is the unit. ‘Chinese Yuan’ is used in international contexts to refer to renminbi.

The name is 老吾老、幼吾幼 [lǎo wú lǎo, yòu wú yòu] – This probably comes from the phrase “老吾老，以及人之老，幼吾幼，以及人之幼” (lǎo wú lǎo , yǐ jí rén zhī lǎo , yòu wú yòu , yǐ jí rén zhī yòu) meaning to honour the elderly as we do our own aged parents and to take care of other’s children as if our own.

尺 [chǐ] – (unit) Chinese foot. It is 1/3 of a meter.

The rest of the chapter can be found here.

[duallygirl178]

Dearest O'Malley Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Robin, Gonzo and I were trying to think of some challenges to do for a summer fun project. Gonzo thought and suggested; “why don’t we do an Elvis prance or Elvis parade to show off our best impression.”  Robin hummed to himself, thought, and said; “nah, “ I had an idea to start so I said; “I know, we’ll have some sort of pickle challenge, but can’t copy the other kinds of challenges that involve pickles. We need something new. Like a pickle bath and flour challenge.” Robin thought hard about it and asked ; “what would we do with the flour part?” that was a good question to think about. I thought a minute and said; “cover ourselves with it to look like ghosts  to chase people around.” Robin imagined what fun that would be like. He laughed and said; “good idea, man. I know a brand  of flour we could use.” that same day, the three of us; Nathan, Natalie and I went shopping at a big supermarket. I already told Natalie what I needed which was Pillsbury flour. So about 15 minutes later, they came out with groceries, loaded them into the trunk, and we headed home. Gonzo  was there, providing the kiddie pool we were going to dunk ourselves in and told me that Robin went to go get pickles from Sam’s club; a big grocery store that was behind WALMART in town. It was already sunset and he still hadn’t returned.  Gonzo had to go home but he said he and Robin will do it tomorrow since we didn’t get to do it today. Then they’d start the pickle challenge. I told Gonzo; “that would be a good idea since we aren’t really prepared and set up.” Then Gonzo agreed and headed home.

That night, I watched some TV with Nathan and Natalie. I thought about other challenges that Robin Gonzo and I could do. Something different that others could do. I began to think about it but couldn’t think of anything else to try. The pickle bath and flour challenge was the only one I had in mind. I could have suggested a “Mountain Dew” and corn chips challenge but wasn’t sure if Gonzo and Robin liked Mountain Dew” soda pop. I’ve never seen any of them drink it before. I thought of doing a 24 hour challenge to stay awake but that would be hard and a few people were able to do it. Ironically, I wondered what people would do if I pranked Ol’ Reliable by involving firecrackers. Maybe folks would think I was a bully by picking on little cars. I knew I didn’t want to make all the Chevy cars have a bad reputation. I later on thought I’d better ask Gonzo and Robin if they had any ideas for a few other challenges that people could do to spread all over the world.  The next day after the barbeque, Robin, Gonzo came over and the three o us thought up a challenge to do because Robin had a video camera and an account with YOUTUBE. He wanted to post it to see if anyone would participate after we did the pickle bath and flour challenge. So Robin asks Ol’ Reliable to be the cameraman for the day. Ol Reliable cooperated as Robin was directing Ol’ Reliable how to use his camera, Gonzo and I poured about 28 gallon jars of pickles we bought from Sam’s Club into the kiddie pool that Gonzo brought over. The smell was revolting! But at least there was 3 bags of flour setting out and ready on the porch. When Ol’ Reliable got the camera recording, Robin faced the camera and said; “hello fellow YOUTUBERS. Today’s challenge is the pickle bath and flour challenge and what we’re doing is getting 3 people;  meaning O’Malley, Gonzo, and me to roll in a kiddie pool  of pickles and pickle juice and then covering ourselves with Pillsbury flour after we’re nice and covered with pickle brine. Next, we’re going to the park to chase people around for fun. And you too can try this too, just make sure you’re careful. So I challenge you to try this.” Ol’ Reliable  chuckled and said; “This should be fun.” Robin went in first. It was a quick roll and dunk for him, because Robin couldn’t  bare the smell of pickles. He got out  fast and gasped like a fish out of water. I laughed, teased Robin and said; “We should call you ’Pickle Fins’ because you got pickle brine all over you. I mean what are you? A sissy?” Gonzo bursted out laughing and said; “HA! Pickle fins.” Robin frowned ever so fake-like, splashed himself with flour and said; “Oh yeah, O’Malley. Let’s see how you like this.” Robin picked me up happily, and tossed me into the pool. Juice got all over me. Ol” Reliable, Gonzo, and Robin laughed belly down. It might have been funny to them, but I had a better idea. I took a huge sip of pickle brine , swallowed it down, and as they made sick faces, I said; “Hey Robin, come here. I want to tell you something.” Robin came close and he said; “Yeah?” then, I let out a huge deep belch and blew it in his face.  Robin’s face turned green with nausea as he made a sick noise. I laughed and said; “Ah…hallelujah that was swinging.”  Gonzo laughed and pointed at Robin as he looked like he was going to faint. I rolled in the juice and covered my  whole body with juice. Next I got out and covered myself with one of the bags of flour and said; “Okay Gonzo, you’re turn.” Gonzo right away jumped in and spent an uncomfortable retched 10 minutes in pickle juice. Then he got out and said; “Dappa papa mow, how do you like me now?” as we laughed as Gonzo dumped another bag of flour on himself.

The next thing we had to do was drive in town, Ol’ Reliable followed and captured  everyone’s reaction on camera. There were people holding their noses and some were fanning the air. Then Robin started chasing people and dogs as we came to the Brookside park. Gonzo followed after Robin and was making noise that all dogs hated to hear. I watched for a few minutes as Ol’ Reliable filmed. I thought the whole point of having a pickle bath and flour challenge was to roll in juice and get fluffed out by dumping flour all over the challenge taker’s body, but chasing people and animals in the park was stupid. Then Gonzo screamed out “Pickle ghosts!” while Robin did his perfect Taz manian devil Looney toon character noise to whoever they were chasing after. I couldn’t bare waiting. Ol’ Reliable kept filming and said; “Well, go on Grandpa. Join them. I know you want to.” I watched Robin and Gonzo laugh and boy, did it look fun. So I  jumped in the chase and joined the two candy-prats  in their game. Folks in the park ran and ran. One of them fell to the ground and was crawling to get out of the way. Another wet his good pair of pants and darted towards an  SUV our chase lasted up to an hour and when a sheriff arrived, we were done and already gone. Ol’ Reliable stopped filming by the time we got to my house. We got cleaned up as we were laughing from all the fun we enjoyed. Robin bathed first while Gonzo and I waited our turn. We thought of other challenges to do that would be safe. Earlier today, Gonzo suggested we would try the Elvis challenge and I thought that would be a good idea to try. Gonzo put it as the “Elvis prance”  which would be a popular thing to do since so many people loved Elvis Presley. When Robin came out, Gonzo had a turn to clean off. Robin posted the video of the pickle bath using Nathan’s laptop for YOUTUBE.com. I talked to him about Gonzo’s idea. Robin thought about it and said; “I think we should try Gonzo’s idea. You only live once to make your print on the world.”  the question was, who had an Elvis costume, wig, sunglasses and clothes? When Gonzo came out, Robin asks him; “You you have any Elvis costumes around your house? I’ve decided to do the Elvis challenge.” Gonzo looked at Robin, smiled almost too embarrassed and said; “Yes. I have three costumes stored in a room. Their in a tote box. Impa, O’Malley and I used to dress up as Elvis Presley mobiles for Halloween in the seventies . Why?” Robin shrugged and said; “Next challenge is for all the Elvis enthusiasts.” all those memories with Impa had me remembering of Halloween in the’70s  when Gonzo, Impa and I would dress up like Elvis-mobiles and we’d always do the impressions to people walking by. We would go up to people’s doors and do Elvis dance poses and impressions in different positions and make them laugh until the wet themselves. What a bunch of magical Halloween pleasure to be doing that every Halloween year! But enough memories. I was the last one to wash off the pickle brine.

When I got all washed up and cleaned, Robin told me what he and Gonzo were talking about. Robin looked stoked about it and said; “I was discussing  with Gonzo about doing the Elvis challenge. I came to a conclusion that we should try it and I think it’s fair that you and Gonzo  put on the costumes, do impressions and dance in town since Elvis did wear a lot of white. You know, around the plaza. Gonzo has the costumes.” I wasn’t sure if I liked the sound of that idea. Gonzo went home to get the Elvis costumes about 30 minutes later. When he came back, he had two Elvis costumes and he said; “Okay, O’Malley man. Get changed.” embarrassed, my face blushed. I had given up playing dress up years ago. Robin unplugged his fully charged video camera from the USB port and started recording while I was dressing up. The outfit was a bit tight since I last wore it. Robin turned on the video camera and pointed it towards him. He smiled and said; “today’s challenge is for all lf you Elvis Presley lovers, so, O’Malley and Gonzo are going to do impressions in town for people.” then,  the camera turned to me. I had my “Elvis” on. When Gonzo was fixing the wig, I  said; “I knew I didn’t like the sound of this idea. Robin, this is unacceptable.” Gonzo sprayed some hairspray  on the wig and was fiddling with it trying to get to fit right on me. I cleaned off the sunglass lenses while Robin was holding the camera. He giggled and said; “Come on man, do it for all those Elvis Presley fans out there.” I knew I didn’t want to because I was done with playing dress up, but I had no choice. I had to…for all the Elvis fans. For the king of rock and roll and to make Gonzo and Robin to stop begging. I started to feel self-conscious and when I was about to say something, Gonzo cut me off and said; “Don’t worry, I’ll dress up  too so you don’t feel self-conscious.” Robin laughed as he pointed the camera in on me for my facial expression while Gonzo was finishing up putting the wig on me. Then he pointed it at Gonzo. He was getting on the wig himself. The wigs were large and were meant for people who were dressing their cars up for  show. I shook my hood in disappointment and humiliated and said; “You better be happy that I agreed to this and that I love you two kooks.”  Gonzo laughed and said; “Now we go town .”So, out the door we went with the Elvis hip swinging maneuver . Gonzo and I put on our large sunglasses  while Robin met us in the yard and watched us come out. I swear to graham crackers, we looked like the Blues Brothers! It was terrible. Robin laughed with joy and said; “Hey, it’s the Elvis crew, Yo! You two look great” I didn’t know about Gonzo, but I was humiliated to daylights in this costume. We drove to down town and even did Elvis Presley imitations on the side of the road, while Robin kept filming. People honked, stopped to take pictures of us and filmed us doing seven Elvis moves and quotes.  Robin got all the footage on camera and when we went further in town, people gave us money for no apparent reason. Maybe they were Elvis fans or enjoyed watching us make fools out of ourselves. They were sticking twenty dollar bills in our windshields and doors, as we were doing different poses that Elvis did much more earlier in his years. An hour later, we swung by Dairy Queen, got some lunch of burgers and fries with Blizzard ice cream treats. People commented us and took pictures of us. I was starting to have fun today. I usually don’t get attention much from people in car shows, but I get eyes gazing at me when I’m not in a car show. After lunch, we headed to my house while Robin uploaded his video on YOUTUBE.com. Gonzo and I had a beer while Robin’s video got a ton of likes, reviews, and good comments. He suddenly gasped and said; “No way!! Four hundred smacker-roos! We’re practically famous!!” I almost spewed out my beer and said; “Say what? C’mon now!” Gonzo and I looked at the video. Unexpectedly, there were over four hundred dollars donated, before you could say ‘hallelujah, Saint Jordan’. We discovered they all came from the Elvis

lovers of America. Robin had added several Elvis songs in the video including; King of the whole wide world,  Blue Suede Shoes and Don’t be cruel. On a comment below the video, it read out; “Thank goodness for Elvis Presley.” there was also a link to the website belonging to the enthusiasts of Elvis Presley. Then on another page, there was a paragraph about the really real Elvis. Authorities found a body identifying a man that was the actual Elvis Presley in California. We were shocked because all those years of Elvis facts, we didn’t expect to see this. We had been celebrating  early of Elvis’ birthday which was until August 9th. National Elvis day was celebrated in August 9 through the 17th  in Memphis.  But this was summer and altogether we said; “Oh crud” like professional duets. We saw another link at the end of the Elvis website that linked us to some more videos of Elvis impressionists that we checked out. There were many videos of people dressing up like Elvis and doing what Elvis did best.

So there we had it. National Elvis day was a party in Memphis, Tennessee . He really was an inspiration for the world.

[himbowelsh]

Hi 😊 Would you mind terribly doing the valentine's alphabet for Spina? I could really use some Spina content in my life.

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Spina’s a hugger. A bear hugger, to be exact. He hugs when he’s happy, hugs when he’s sad, and when trying to cheer someone up, his go-to response is to hug them. Just being around Spina means accepting the risk of getting hugged at some point. Thankfully, he gives good hugs, and also has the sort of presence that just reassures people. Spina’s go-to affection is physical affection, but he’s pretty versatile if a friend needs something else. (This man has stayed up all night with Babe watching bad movies, just because Babe was too upset to go to bed but didn’t want to be left alone.)

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

He knows what sorts of bouquets to get for different occasions; when his Grandma was sick in the hospital, he brought her a new bouquet every week, so not only does he know what flowers to choose, but the neighborhood florist knows him. Ralph can get a good deal on a nice arrangement for a birthday or anniversary, but should not be left to grow plants on his own without supervision.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

Like...  in it’s casual form, he’s not a fan. Ralph isn’t gonna go buckwild over some Hershey bars. But chocolate cake? Maybe some hot chocolate on a snowy day? Oreos? Completely different story. Ralph isn’t crazy about chocolate, but he really loves chocolate things. (He has tried to do a somersault for a back of Oreos, and it has not gone well. He broke Bill’s mom’s vase and was banned from her home.)

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

He...  likes bowling, for some reason. Not only is it a great opportunity to have fun with his partner, he loves the atmosphere, is delighted by the horrible junk food...  and gets to show off, because Ralph is an outstanding bowler. There’s no pressure to bowling; it’s an easy way to have a good time and get to know someone, with plenty of opportunities to goof around.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Ralph Spina was hugged enough as a child, okay? Physical affection isn’t just something he’s cool with, he loves it  ---  so long as it’s coming from someone he knows, not some bearded stranger in a Walmart. As stated before, he gives really great hugs. It’s like...  being hugged by hot chocolate.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Oh no. Nooooo. He is a bad flirter. It’s not even for lack of trying, either; he just tends to come on either too dorky or too friendly. He tries to hit on someone, and next thing he knows they’re having an intense conversation about the person’s recent car troubles. Ralph never leaves bars with new contacts, but he has given out plenty of numbers  ---  for local mechanics, bakers, handymen, etc. He’s just too friendly. You’d think it’d work to his advantage, but it doesn’t. (He does have an arsenal of really corny icebreakers and pick up lines, but he’ll only break those out on special occasions. Dorky.) 

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He’s more comfortable getting silly gifts than serious ones, cause he always feels like he’s getting something wrong. When he puts his heart into a gift, though, the person he gives it to can’t help appreciating the effort.

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He’s quicker to fall in friend-love than romantic-love. There’s just...  so much more to worry about with romantic love. Honestly, Ralph would do best in a friendship-gradually-turned-romance, because then everything evolves naturally; he’s already with someone who likes him, who he knows and feels comfortable around. Ralph’s heart doesn’t have to be won, he gives it away freely...  but falling in love is a whole other ball game.

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

Ehh, he’s gushy about it. It’d probably come out by accident the first time, around six months into the relationship  ---   but if his partner reacts well, Ralph takes it as encouragement. He’ll say it a hundred times. A thousand. He loves saying it. He’ll say it to get out of doing something he doesn’t want to do, to make his partner smile, to end a petty argument...  these are three of the most powerful words in the human language, and Ralph tosses them around like silly putty.

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Nah, not jealous  ---  he gets insecure. It’s not something he’d be able to ignore, seeing his partner get cozy with someone else. Ralph would take it hard. Instead of being angry at them, he’d internalize it, getting mad at himself. Even if it’s something he knows they should just talk about, he’d avoid the topic with his partner, hating the fact that he’s not enough for them.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

First things first  ---  Ralph doesn’t kiss, he gets kissed. He’s rarely confident enough to make the first move himself, so it usually take someone pulling him in and just laying it on him. At first, he’ll stand shock-still, uncertain what to do...  then he’ll melt into the kiss all at once, pulling his partner close as he realizes exactly what’s going on. Ralph isn’t an adventurous kisser at first, but gets more playful as time goes on. He likes tiny love nips, getting his partner to giggle, and he loves it if they can sit on his lap, so he can wrap his hands around their waist while kissing them. He’s not demanding; he’ll gladly accept whatever kisses his partner gives him.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

The answer really should be family first, but Ralph’s honestly closer to his friends. His parents disagree with a few of his life choices, so, much as he loves them, it’s his buddies he goes to for emotional support. Babe and Bill are great for a night out, Gene and Renee are great for a night in, Julian’s...  well, Julian’s great if you want your night to end with a small fire or a trip to the emergency room, but he’s also great in general. Ralph loves lots of people, but he could go on for ages about his friends.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

No...  no getting up in the morning. Whoever invented mornings had a vendetta against sleep, and Ralph ain’t about to humor them. Sleeping in while snuggled up against a partner is plenty romantic, thanks, and there’s always time to do more later on in the day.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

You gotta understand, Ralph gets into his own head a lot. He’s a little self-conscious, so it’s easy to overthink what he’s doing; he doubts himself. He’s got a couple of kinks he’s really eager to try out (really into voyeurism/pushing his luck in unconventional places) but his partner’s comfort is foremost for him. He’ll check on them multiple times, asking how they’re doing. If his partner’s smiling or laughing a bit during the act, Ralph is more confident  ---  having them too serious just makes him nervous. He’s not too confident in his own body, so being complimented during the act would make him melt. He keeps up a steady rhythm, and is surprisingly good at holding out for a long time  ---  until he’s at least pushed his partner over the edge.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

On the contrary. When he likes someone, he can get tongue-tied to all hell. A crush once thought he was choking on a piece of shrimp; he was just trying to ask her out.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Someone who isn’t high-strung   ----  laid back and able to go with the flow, taking some time just to enjoy life. Ralph would need a partner who gets along with people as easily as he does, probably an extrovert; someone with a sense of humor; a great storyteller; somebody fun. He really needs someone to laugh and be goofy with, but also someone who can be serious in a crisis. They’ve got to have

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He would absolutely be willing to ask  (unless his partner beat him to the punch). Ralph’s big thing, though, it that he wants a proposal to remember  ---  it’s gotta be good for his partner, cause that’s what they deserve, right? So he’d agonize over picking the right ring, probably cycling through a dozen or so choices before a very annoyed jeweler convinces him to buy something. Then he’d have to practice the proposal a dozen times, planning out different ways to do it...  which is all great, until his partner walks in to find him kneeling in front of the bedroom mirror with a ring out, proposing to his own reflection. That takes some explaining...  but in the end, everything works out.

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He’s got a romantic cheeseball heart, but that doesn’t mean he’s stupid about it. Ralph’s been burned before. He knows love can hurt, and only idiots rush into it without being prepared. He wants to be the romantic flowers-and-candles guy, and in a relationship he will be, but if it blows up in his face he’ll end up blaming himself for doing something wrong.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

He spent several years head-over-heels in love with Nancy Drew. His older sister was a fan of the books, and Ralph was a fan of the pictures on the covers. Swore he was going to marry Nancy when he grew up and everything. No one knew how to break it to him  ---  he had to figure out what fiction meant on his own.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

Ralph’s seen it firsthand, growing up with his parents.  If couples exist with the audacity to swap spit while their kids are in the room, yeah, true love’s gotta be out there somewhere.

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

He’s had a few instances of liking someone hard, when they just didn’t feel the same way. Ralph didn’t resent them for it, and he tried not to dwell, but it still stung, man.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

As a kid, it was always an excuse for his parents to have a night out, while the Spina kids got to stay home, watch crappy movies, and eat too much chocolate. As an adult...  it’s an excuse to stay in, watch crappy movies, and eat too much chocolate. He loves Valentine’s Day.

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

Sure! He likes the idea, but wouldn’t be devastated if his partner didn’t want it. To Ralph, it’s more important to just be with them, not to put a legal ring on it.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Absolutely, but he hardly ever uses them seriously. “Honeybuns”, “sugar plum”, “babydumpling”...  they’re all designed to get his partner to turn an alarming shade of red in public. Even if they occasionally get him smacked on the shoulder, it’s worth it. He just can’t take pet names seriously.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

He’s a lover, not a fighter...  but Spina loves hard. If someone he cares about is in trouble, he’s not afraid to step in  ---  and usually has his buddies behind him to back him up. His buddies, all substantially better fighters than he is, and perfectly willing to throw the first punch. Spina’s flavor of protectiveness is all about the folks at his back, but he won’t let anyone mess around with people he loves.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

He wishes the number were higher. Maybe about...  4 - 5? Ralph is no master seducer, but if someone comes onto him, he’s not about to say no.