#going back to my reposted fics and everyone’s deactivated

[alhaiko]

2025 starting off horrible why are my favorite writers all deactivating

[r4vn]

—BREAKING POINT

kaı x reader

w.c: 3,066

disclaimers: nsfw, 18+, unprotected sex (stay safe out there guyz), fem!reader, withdrawals, praise kink, use of cannabis, da weed, tension, fingering, smexy time, missionary (bc we love intimacy)

—synopsis: you notice how irritable kai has been throughout the day, and it concerned you. later that evening, you make your way to his room, hoping you could help him out.

a/n: hola :D i am very slowly getting back into writing. this is a fic abt kai having withdrawals!! this is not my best work it feels so...meh. this was actually inspired by a post weeeeks ago by an account that deactivated BUT I KNOW @uch3na REPOSTED SO TY SWEETHEART.. but i hope you enjoy :) all love ♡

「divider by @/cafekitsune」

everyone was off of the blue now. the air within the whole ship was heavy within this past week. new emotions and new feelings emerged to define everyone differently as the days passed. everyone began to show different personalities and likings. it sort of felt like, well, life was breathed back into them.

some kids ran the halls and some got ..busy with each other. you and your friend sela stuck to one another in the midst of the emotional chaos. you, her and a few others would keep up with your tasks and maintenance checks around the ship. chris, voted new leader, had a hard time trying to keep the troublemakers in check. the ones who would wander off during tasks or play around recklessly, affecting other's work.

"please, stop being idiots and get back to your plants." chris spoke firmly. zac dropped whatever he was holding in his hand and stepped to chris, scoffing.

"or what? are you going to throw me off the ship?" zachary taunted with a smirk.

"that can arranged." foretold chris, stepping even closer to the boy in front of him. zac's smile left his face after his words, wearing a more serious expression.

"enough! zac, take a break. chris, get back to your job at hand. for god sake, we don't need any more chaos." sela scolded while stepping in front of the two men. zachary reluctantly backed off, holding his hands up in a mocking tone. he walked off and the tension in the room immediately became lighter.

you looked at kai, who seemed to be on edge as he did his tasks. his forehead was glistened in cold sweat while tending to the vegetables. his fingers trembled ever so slightly. he looked agitated, anxious. you worried yes, but you decided not to bother him. you made a mental note to ask him later and walked away in the hall, sela catching up.

"hey, do you...you wanna do something ...risky?" you couldn't help but arch a brow. a smile threatened your lips and you nodded. sela immediately took your hand and began walking briskly in the halls. you two ended up going to richards room. you were amazed by all the things he had from earth such as photos, trinkets, and clothing. you knew nothing of this supposed beautiful planet and were amazed at the things he had.

"he showed me all these things, i don't know why. maybe because i'm chief medical officer, maybe i was most responsible." sela sighed before opening a medium-sized box of richards personal belongings. she dug under the photos to find an even smaller, wooden box and held it up with a grin. it was the size of her hand. you rose brow and grabbed it, opening the box to reveal rolled cylindrical wraps. an intense smell made your face scrunch up. it didn't smell particularly nice but it wasn't bad either. it had the slightest hint of floral notes.

there were 5 rolled, opaque cream-colored wraps with a grinded plant in it. you heard of it before, vaguely reading about it in your books. it was cannabis.

sela locked the door and turned on the room air filter. she then grabbed the box full of joints and the black lighter. you sat down on the floor against richards bed. it felt odd to you, to be in the room of the dead. richard's death was tragic, and it disturbed you whenever you thought about it. you pushed the thought away quickly.

sela placed the filtered end of the joint to her lips before lighting the opposite twisted end, igniting it. she inhaled slowly, pulling away from the joint to fully inhale to the back of her throat. her face tightened in discomfort before finally exhaling. she then coughed roughly, giving you thumbs up.

"im okay– i'm okay, it just burns." she strained.

"burns? what the hell is in it?" you asked, nervous at her reaction. you felt like a delinquent. you’ve never done anything like this before. "it's only dried cannabis. on earth, they'd dry the plant cannabis sativa or cannabis indica. when burned and inhaled, the active chemical, THC travels through the lungs to the bloodstream." sela passed the joint to you, causing a nerving ache to fill your chest.

"the decarboxylation process for the active chemical occurs between 200° and 245° fahrenheit." a staccato sigh escaped your lips, mentally hoping you don't die before you took a small hit of the joint. the hot air immediately hit the back of your throat and caused you to go into a huge coughing fit. your throat burned like hot coal and your eyes glazed over with tears.

"easy [y/n], easy. reel it back in, slowly," sela laughs at your reaction, slowly patting your back.

"clear your throat and take small breaths." you did as told, your hacking settling down to staccato coughs. you sniffled, wiping your teary eyes as you continued to clear the unscratchable itch in your throat.

"wow." you strained out, beginning to laugh. sela chuckled while taking another hit, holding it for a few seconds then exhaling.

"as i was saying," sela started jokingly. "the active chemical makes the human brain have psychedelic effects on the body." you get the joint again and take an even smaller hit, slowly blowing it out. "effects such as altered senses like slow movement and brighter colors, difficulty thinking, and psychosis when taking high doses."

you freeze and look at her with slight concern, glancing between her and the joint. the blonde giggles, taking the spliff out your hand so hit it.

"don't worry, this is a normal dose." she chuckled, blowing the fumes in the air above her. for the next ten minutes you share the spliff, occasionally tapping the ashes in the box.

the effects engulfed you like a warm fuzzy blanket. you quickly acclimated to taking bigger puffs, enjoying watching the smoke dance above you. as you continued, your eyelids began to feel heavy and your movement slowed. you and sela giggled every few seconds, feeling amazing physically. you felt like a cloud, but heavy like gravity was pulling you down.

"do you feel good?" sela asks, smiling with low eyes. you simply nod, suddenly beginning to laugh when realizing you didn't answer audibly.

"yes, i feel..good. i feel so warm and light." sela nodded and stood, stumbling with a giggle. she grinned and turned to you with a hand out. you grabbed it and forced yourself up, the blood rushing to your head. you took a deep breath to begin wondering how to look as sober as possible.

you were only 3 hallways down from your room, and you needed to look as normal as possible out there.

"thanks for this ..earth experience." sela nodded happily, opening the door for the two of you. you parted ways with her, and walked to your room in a slower pace. you walked closer to the ship walls to keep you from falling like an idiot. your gaze was low and you felt so suspicious. but you couldn't second guess yourself. you kept walking with your eyes to the floor. almost there..one last turn and–

your head collided with something firm, and warm. you stumbled backwards but due to being intoxicated you fell completely on your ass. your red, [e/c] eyes looked up at dark brown ones.

"kai?" you asked and stood up with a hand on the wall.

"watch where you're going." he replied roughly. you scan his person, noticing his shoulders moving up and down. his breathing was deep and rough, and sweat glistening on his face and neck. he looks distressed, and even more fidgety than earlier.

"are you ..okay?" you asked, ignoring his snarky tone. kai furrowed his brows, lips parted from panting ever so slightly. your low orbs trailed down to the beads of sweat on his neck, then too the veins of his forearms were more visible against the surface of his skin. your head buzzed and you gulped thickly, a warmth building up in your core.

"im fine–.." kai mumbled, blinking rapidly. "just...just watch where you're going." the brunette pushed past you, walking away.

you watched as he walked away, staring at his back.

he has a nice back...

you continued to walk and finally made it to your room with no more obstacles. sitting on your bed, you watched the stars out the window. they seemed much brighter, nearly shining in your eyes. you enjoyed this feeling. you felt euphoric and everything fell away from your troubles. finally laying down, you let the slumber take you.

°°°

waking up much more clear-minded, you blinked your eyes noticing they didn't feel as heavy as before. your mind immediately went back to kai. you couldn't help it. you immediately get up and out on your shoes, exiting your room.

you walked the halls silently. it was late in the evening and so no one was awake. you made your way towards kai's room and stood in front of the door. anxious filled you now, knowing that only a door is what separated you and the brunete. suddenly, his door immediately opened and were now facing kai himself. he immediately froze for a split second before slamming the door in your face.

your heart dropped before hurriedly spluttering over your words, knocking this time.

"kai– i know this is abrupt im sorry but–" you rambled.

"what do you want [y/n]?" he asks behind the door, voice laced with irritance.

"i–...i wanted to check up on you. i didn't think you'd be awake at this time heh– but you looked unwell all day today." you laugh sheepishly, fiddling with your fingers.

"im fine." he cuts in. you purse your lips and sigh, turning your nose up to the ceiling.

"heh, you suck at lying kai. just tell me what's wrong." there was a long pause. you were giving up on the door opening anytime soon and nearly took a step back before kai opened the door. he simultaneously turned away while doing so to walk to his bed. you enteted and closed door behind you rubbing your neck at the unbearable tense silence.

"..so," you sighed gently at kai's stubbornness not to look at you. "what's wrong?" kai doesnt turn around, nor answer.

you don't say anything else and instead examine what you can see. his breathing was still ragged and his hands clenched and unclenched into first every handful of seconds. the light from the low LEDs that trailed the space window gently outlined his figure. his nape was glistened from cold sweat. kai wasn't alright. something was wrong.

"..kai–?" you asked. kai groaned softly, rolling his neck out of agitation. your heart thumped loudly in your ears.

"[y/n]–.. i think– ..i feel weird. i-i feel hot." kai reluctantly explained. "ive been like this all day i– ive been irritated and uncomfortable all day. im sweaty and trembling and–..and my stomach right here feels.." he groans out, holding his core. it wasn't in a painful sense, but in a discomfort yet, yearning one. your body pulsed at the sound he made, causing you to take a step towards him.

"does it feel warm? too warm? do you feel a light fog in your head?" kai strained another whiny groan, holding his nape as he turned a 45° angle to look over his shoulder at you. he hesitantly nodded. he was trying so hard to be tough but had a needy look in his eyes, a gaze of hunger. you didn't know if it was the cannabis still in your system but you felt magnetized to him. the aura he radiated made you feel like small prey in front of an apex predator, but you enjoy the sense of thrill.

"well not to sound creepy but i've been sort of watching you all day. you seem to be having withdrawals, kai." you explained, walking towards him. his hand raised up to his forehead, humming. you placed a hand on his shoulder, feeling the brunette flinch then relax again. you then decided to walk around him so you faced his front now, your big [e/c] looking up at him. kai forced himself to look at you but it only worsened the warm feeling in his core.

"what are you feeling right now kai?" you questioned, your hand gently grabbing his hand to pull away from his face. he gulped, staring at you intensely. the way your hair was slightly tousled from waking up, how your skin looked so soft and supple and your eyes stared at him so enticingly.

"my head is all light, my abdomen burns, i have cold sweats, and–.." kai bites back his has words, looking away from you. you tilt your head and tenderly cup his cheek to turn him towards you again.

"and..?" you ask, genuinely concerned. kai swallowed thickly. he suddenly flushed a more prominent rose color across his face before replying

"and ...i'm so, horny [y/n]. god, you being here isn't helping." he breathed out. before you could even respond, both of his large hands cupped the sides of your head before kissing you deeply. you squeaked into his mouth, kissing back as your hands gripped onto the sides of his clothed torso. he moved closer to you which caused you to move back, falling onto the bed.

"i couldn't stand looking at you all day because i couldn't take this pent up feeling [y/n]," he gasped between kisses. "but i can't take it anymore now, i need you now." you blushed deeply as you began to fail at keeping up with his kissing pace.

kai slid in between your legs and pushed his warm body up against yours. he kissed down your face and neck, licking and sucking at your skin. you allowed him to do so before the two of you started pulling off each others shirts.

the tall brunette kissed hungrily down your chest as his hands roamed your torso. you gasped at the difference in body temperatures of you and him, closing your eyes in bliss.

"i've wanted to do this even on the blue. i just couldn't explain the feeling until i got off it." he mumbled against your skin. butterflies erupted in your stomach as he spoke in such a low, seductive tone. his hand slipped in between your thighs and you lost nearly all strength as he teased your already wet second pair of lips. he hummed into your neck as you let out needy gasps, the pleasure radiating throughout your body.

he entered two fingers, finally getting a broken moan out of you. you threw your head back onto the bed, nearly riding his fingers.

"good girl." he praised, leaving deeply colored bruises all over your skin as his fingers thrusted into you. you squeaked and moaned all over, trying to keep quiet due to it being so late. you could feel your walls pulsate around his long fingers, kai occasionally curling them to hit that one sweet spot.

"o-oh please– kai..kaiii–" you mewled, eyes watering from the amount of bliss you were in. he hushed you in a soft tone before slowly pulling his drenched fingers out of you. he lifted your head up to make eye contact with you and he licked his fingers clean.

"i'm right here [y/n]." he nuzzled his face into your cheek before planting a kiss. kai leaned up and pulled off his black pants and underwear, groaning as his hard-on bounced out from under the fabric. he stroked himself slowly to relieve some of the pressure before lining up at your entrance. brown orbs look up at you, silently asking for permission. you nodded eagerly, jaw slightly dropping as he pushed inside of you.

he was big, and thick. it burned ever so slightly but the pleasure overruled the pain. the ecstasy came in ways of pleasure as he slowly thrusted into you. your core tingled with warmth as he engulfed you. his sweat smelled like soft soap and you held onto his soft-toned arms for comfort.

"fuck–" he moaned out with a shudder. his eyes occasionally rolled back as he picked up speed. your moans became louder and you couldn't help it. you had never felt like this before. kai's hands trailed down to your hips and he leaned up to hold you in place as he rammed your insides.

"you're doing so good, [y/n]. there you go.." his voice felt like warm honey drenching your skin. it was like music to your ears and helped you edge closer to your climax.

"mmh– just like that, just like that–" you pleaded, nodding impatiently. you tilted your hips upward and it changed the feeling almost completely. kai was thrusting right up against your sweet spot. you moaned and whimpered and mewled all you could and became incoherent rather quickly. kai took notice of this and changed not a damn thing.

"you're so pretty under me [y/n]. i want you to finish all over me like a good girl, yeah?" he queried, a smile dancing on his pearly whites while erotic sounds occupied your mouth.

"yes. yes please– o-oh–" kai quickened his pace but kept his position, watching as you began to tremble. you made a face, signaling you were about to finish. watching you act so erotically made kai all pent up too. he tried his best to keep his pace, focusing only on you.

"oh god i– ..kai– ..i'm–" you cut yourself off with a loud shaky moan, your walls constricting around kai. your legs shook violently and your hips bucked wildly under his arms. your eyes flashed a brief white and you hear kai mumble a 'fuck' before feeling his cock puslate inside you.

"god–.." kai groaned, dropping his head below his shoulders.. his thrusts became shaky and eventually slowed to a stop. a comfortable silence fell over the room with only the sounds of panting occupying it. kai looked down at you, smiling cheekily. you couldn't help but giggle.

"you okay?" you asked, stroking his cheek with the pad of your thumb.

"yeah. i feel ..better," kai laughed at the slight coincidence. "round 2?"

you blushed and grinned, nodding before kissing the brunette above you again.

© r4vn ²⁰²⁴, do not repost my work.

see yall later :")

[tenpintsofsundrop]

Bunny i'm so so happy I stumbled across your new blog! Life's been pretty hectic for me atm so when i finallyyy got around to checking in on you and your blog I was so sad when I saw it was deactivated :(

I should have checked in sooner and I'm really sorry that I didn't.

enough of my waffling, how are you! It's been way too long since my last lil check in. I hope you're doing well and that you're happy :) What have you been watching lately? I think I remember you mentioning you liked horror, have you seen any new horror flicks recently?

In short, I'm wishing you the happiest beginning to your new blog and just general lovely thoughts your way, Sunny <3<3<3

I'm also glad that you found my new blog!!

especially because I've been getting back into writing Titans stuff and I know you have enjoyed my Titans fics in the past <33

you don't have to apologize for not checking my blog sooner, I definitely understand that not everyone is on tumblr every single day like I am lmao

I've been doing well, I've still been dealing with my physical illness, but switching over to my new blog has really improved my mental health, and a little while ago I got out of the house to see The Little Mermaid and small outings like that always help improve my mental health (I'm actually planning another outing this weekend to buy my sister a birthday present, and I'm really looking forward to it.)

I am a really big fan of horror movies. I haven't seen any new ones recently, but I did go back and revisit House of Wax (from 2005) because I hadn't seen it in a very long time (like, since I was in high school) and it's one of my favourite horror films of all time. I think it's a horror movie that is genuinely flawless. the atmosphere is amazing, the characters are really awesome - they focus on a sibling dynamic, which not a lot of films do.

and the overarching themes of appearance vs intentions, industry and million dollar companies taking over America and how it has a harsh bottom line on the working class and 'the perfect family' - it's all so beautifully crafted into the narrative, and it's one of those horror movies that makes you genuinely think about societal horrors at large as well as having great kills and horrific moments within the film that are presented right in front of you and don't fall flat because of shitty CGI or something. I really fucking love it

(I could make a long list of all my favourite horror movies from 2000 to 2009, because that is my favourite era for horror lmao)

I also wish you happy thoughts and I hope you've been doing well, and I hope you enjoy the new fics and the reposts as they come out!!

[linksthoughtbrambles]

"Let us call this dictation one.

(Link's Thought Brambles part 4)

"I am loathe to admit after my initial, visceral reaction to my appointed knight’s interference with the slate, I derive a certain satisfaction from the situation. I am privy to his inner thoughts at last. I imagine he has fallen asleep as the stream of inanity has ceased for the moment.

"It is, perhaps, unfair of me to describe it so. Everyone has difficulties which go unseen by the world. I would not, however, have imagined that my knight’s silence hid such disjointed observances, or such insecurity at their discovery. He appears to be filling his mind with trivial thoughts to hide those which usually spring to mind. Once he left me at my door this night, his thoughts were at first mundane, then degenerated into repeated instances of quote don’t think don’t think don’t think end quote and similar, before a long string of numbers which suggested the counting of sheep. I was unaware that anyone employed such sleep-inducing tactics outside children’s books.

"It should please me that he has not yet revealed his disdain for me, but I cannot help wondering what he thinks when no one can hear him.

"I shall tell him I have discovered how to deactivate this feature on the slate. A simple swipe of the screen hides the text from view along with any indication of its reception. I should consider such deception beneath me, but the court has set their expectations of me so low that I rather feel I deserve a few vices. If the flaw in my character is to be the propagation of primarily inconsequential falsehoods, so be it. I’ve checked the slate’s storage capacity at regular intervals and found it to be of no concern barring continuous operation of this feature for the next decade.

"The ability to record my own musings via dictation with no need of a scribe is endlessly appealing. I shall keep my journal on my desk, of course. I shall even write in it now and then to keep up appearances. The slate will be my private journal, beyond the ability of the maids, guards, or my father to invade. Purah might discover it but would never reveal its contents–not when she’s so aware of my tenuous relationship with freedom. She relies on my continued assistance with the Divine Beasts. If Robbie were to read this, he would get only as far as the description of himself as arrogant before ceasing in favor of confronting my appointed knight. As for him, I have not yet learned how to separate the avalanche of his thoughts from my own dictations, though I note the slate itself distinguishes thoughts from speech via a simulated form of penmanship. I also note that stating quote and end quote is not sufficient for it to generate purposeful punctuation. Further tests are required, and perhaps a small alteration of the source code, though this is hardly a priority.

"I hesitate to sign this dictation. Perhaps the selfishness evident in my words would be better left unattributed. And yet, if future generations were to discover this, it would be all too clear who I am thanks in part to my knight’s initial thoughts and Purah’s verbal revelation. I suppose I ought to accept the responsibility. Here ends my first dictation. Princess Zelda of Hyrule.”

_____

[Note: This replaces my original post of dictation one. I filled in some fun Link's-thoughts stuff that occurred before this, so I reposted with some small edits to put it back in chronological order. ]

Read Next: Link keeps track of jerks.

Read this fanfic from the beginning (it makes more sense that way).

Follow this link for the post list for this fic.

[dntaewithluv]

Update

Hey everyone, about two and a half weeks ago I made a really dumb impulse decision because I was having a really bad night and wasn't in my right state of mind. That decision was to deactivate my blog without any warning or explanation, and at the time I really didn't care about the repercussions of that decision. But the next day when I woke up and I remembered what I did and saw that everything, all my posts, my stories, the community I had found a home in and the friends I had made, it was all just gone, well that truly devastated me. I'm sorry that I left the way I did, and I'm sorry that it's taken me this long to say anything and to try to come back. To anyone that I made worry I am truly sorry and I appreciate your concern for me more than you will ever know. To be honest, I was really hesitant about coming back at all because above all else I just feel embarrassed about the way I handled things. But I miss my blog and I miss my friends and I miss writing so so much more than I ever thought I would. With that being said my plan going forward is to repost all my fics and just tag my masterlist that will have all the links so that I don't spam the tags with every single one of my stories, and get back into working on my WIPs. I do still want to express how grateful I am to the people on here and to anyone who has ever taken the time to read my works, or follow me, or show me any bit of kindness, it truly means more to me than I could ever tell you.

-Kenz 💜

[crollalanzaa]

My Haikyuu Thoughts

(reposted from twitter)

I started the manga 23/6/14 largely because there was a void left by me falling out of HP which RL and PJO wasn’t filling. I saw Hinata art on viria’s tumblr and was, ‘oh, who he?’  I think I watched a bit of the anime but had not thought much of it ???

So there was this kid who was irritatingly enthusiastic and embarrassingly bad at volleyball and it was all the cringe making stuff I hate because I’m not into vicarious humiliation, but as I read on, and he hit that perfect shot and yelled ‘ALL RIIIIIGHT!’ I was almost hooked.

Then he appeared and you know who I mean. It wasn’t the appearance at the middle school match but turning up at the gym, realising his place was now under threat, but going out of his way to make sure the two idiots bonded on court.

I was intrigued and more than a little koo-koo  over Suga, but still not absolutely hooked. The point where I knew this was not only my thing but a story which was going to reel me in was the Neighbourhood match. The drama of the Asahi/Suga/Nishinoya dynamic was one thing. Asahi calling for the toss still sends shivers up and down my spine and yet ... what hooked me was the adults leaving the match, their conversation as they went back to their normal lives They laughed with fondness and nostalgia about the drama of HS volleyball and   as an adult reading that, it suddenly transcended the kids/teen lit I’d thought it would be (nothing wrong with that -I often prefer this genre because books written for my demographic I find samey and overly romance or abuse based) because we had normal people like me who’d left their HS dreams in the gym (or the drama studio for me) but were happy(ish) in their everyday lives and enthusiastic about volleyball as a hobby. When Shimada put himself out to help Yamaguchi. When Saeko put herself out to get the idiots to Tokyo, it felt like they were falling for these kids and this team like me.

Reel back a bit. Hq had been going for two years when I jumped in. I binge read everything in two days, finishing at 112 (I think). Back in the day, my friend, we were relying on fan translations. There was no official site, and the translators did it all for love,  which was wonderful but there was a lot of debate about reading for free and waiting for the translation could be tortuous. I wanted to support Furudate but couldn’t buy the physical copies. It was suggested at one point that Eng speaking fans shouldn’t be a part of the fandom  - not by anyone remotely official, you understand -  but that was the state of things in 2014. I bought official merch instead and watched the anime while I waited for 113 to drop.

So forward to 117. If you ever want to know why I still catch my breath and laugh a little at the Daichi Dead moment it’s because we all had to wait for what seemed like twenty years to find out what the high heck was wrong with him. I genuinely thought he’d wrecked his shoulder and was distraught because there was no way they’d win everything with the Captain out!

(Of course I had no real idea about Ennoshita stepping up to the plate, but that’s another story) The discovery it was a tooth had me SCREECHING! So relieved. I yelled to one of my first hq friends (who’s now deactivated) and then casually went to France with friends -hahaha.

I’ve done complete 180s on so many characters now that it’s safe to say I never trust the initial narrative Kags, Tsukki, Yams (come on, he was Tsukki’s mate giggling in corners over Hinata’s ineptitude. It was only when he saw what Hinata could do he stopped being a sock puppet).  

 The biggest turn around was on Oikawa who I hated to the point where I threw things at my laptop when he appeared. It wasn’t so much him as everyone going ka-ka over him which pissed off my withered adult heart. What changed was forcing myself to write him for an IwaOi week. I reread/rewatched his story and through Hajime’s eyes I began to appreciate him. I wrote Philos as an Achilles/Patroclus reincarnation type fic and that led on and on. And this is what Furudate does so well. Gives you a ‘villain’ then adds the backstory so they’re a hero.

Disliked Tendou, too but his Farewell My Paradise, his acceptance of defeat and the way he was such a good sport about it, made me gasp. And I love love love his new career.

It’s the appreciation of amazing play by the opposition which made me fall hard for Inarizaki and Atsumu. (Look at him here! Punt him out the f*cking window!) I’d learnt not to automatically hate anyone, so I reserved judgment. Moment I decided I liked him? Setting for Kags.

Moment I decided I loved him - getting laughed at by Osamu.

Before this turns into an Atsumu appreciation thread, let me tell you about the characters I was indifferent to but then warmed towards. The main one was because one of my earliest hq friends (yes, you Megan) likes him and through her eyes I started to appreciate the hngg that is Konoha Akinori 

When I first started reading hq, I did some searches on tumblr and came across quite explicit Kuroken fanart, so I was understandably nervous meeting those Nekoma boys.   Although I’m still ultra fond of the kurokens I wrote, hindsight is a dreadful thing when you see how off your assumptions and hcs were. But in retrospect I don’t think anyone envisaged quite how dorky and shy Kuroo had been as a boy. The error I laugh over the most is somehow transplanting Yaku’s personality into Kai and vice versa, but that’s what happens when you write before canon is done. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Could I have held off writing for six years - nyope. Not a chance. Watching the story unfold, week after week, year after year has honestly been the happiest part of my life. Is that sad? Is it melodramatic? 

Perhaps. But it has brought me so much apart from a fantastic story. Found friends. A shelter from when real life’s shit. And so many laughs. I still on occasion burst out laughing in the street when I think about Hinata forgetting to spike, or a daft hc shared on twitter. Still sigh a little over the ppl who said they’d leave when their team lost. Remember the time I was warned not to celebrate the Crows winning because it would upset the Seijou fans. I restricted myself to a brief yay then deleted. All nonsense, because most of the Seijou fans I was friendly with accepted the narrative with a bit of wistfulness and looked forward to the next chapter. And for those who wept that Oikawa ‘deserved to win’ they received their own message from Tooru that his ‘worthless pride’ meant something and he was still a winner! 

Oikawa Tooru’s journey perfectly illustrated the idea that your life doesn’t end at High School, that your path is never fixed, and you’re not only made of your achievements but perhaps more so by the doubts and failures. We saw that more recently with the strongest player    Ushijima Wakatoshi whose recent backstory with Iwaizumi has at last made me warm to him. (Iwa-chan has this effect!) 

 There are so many stories to relate to. So many moments. Yachi and Suga overthinking. Kiyoko finding something else she was passionate about. Asahi returning. 

You all know I write and some of you know I’m an amateur actor - both of these rely on a certain amount of internal motivation but also external validation. What if the story flops? What if I dry on stage? ‘What if’ can become a never-ending mantra. So when Hirugami’s story appeared, where despite being amazing at volleyball it was making him miserable, until Hoshiumi suggested he could quit and that freed him - it sang to me.  I’ve been through ups and downs with writing, and much as I love acting it can takeover especially the worry that you’ll fuck up. I know I won’t set the world alight and that used to ‘Concern’ me, but partly thanks to this story and also my hq tl, I’ve realised it’s  unimportant.

If I fuck up on stage, I might throw off other people, but no one will die. If no one reads my fic, I won’t die. If I never write another fic ... no one will die except for the fictional characters and my headcanons. And even then they’re still alive in my head.

And look, I have so many ppl to thank who’ve made this journey with me and supported me all the way, but I’m too scared of missing people out and in a way everyone has helped. But none more than the creator. So Thank you Furudate and Haikyuu for everything. 

Great Receive!

[filteredred]

The Foxhole Court Fic Recs

In honor of Fanfic Writers Appreciation Day, here are a few fantastic works in our favorite fandom.

Signing on the Line by andrewiel @jostenminyard | When Neil Josten is offered a position as a starting striker for a professional Exy team, he feels like all of his dreams are coming true. He signs the contract, not caring about the strict morality clause that controls who he can and can't date in the public eye. Then he meets Andrew Minyard, the top-ranked goalie of a rival team, and then Neil thinks he might just have to care after all.

This fic is ah-mazing. I read it 3 times before I could let go enough to read something else. 10/10

Something in Return by reaching_my_summit @reaching-my-summit | Andrew’s final year at Palmetto State comes to a close. His future is upon him and there are plans to be made. Years ago, Neil asked Andrew to stop smoking in exchange for something. Andrew finally knows what he wants in return.

Post canon andreil happily exploring Disney World.

light fires at night (to push back the void) by inthesea | The first time Andrew realizes he wants to hear the words, Neil isn’t even doing anything. He’s just sitting there, staring at the horizon with that stupidly dramatic faraway expression of his, and letting the cigarette burn down between his fingers all the way to the filter — an outrageous waste of good nicotine, if you asked Andrew. (Or: 20+ times Andrew and Neil say I love you, and one time they say it out loud.)

Remember that fic you read that one time when Andrew counted syllables and consonants and everything about it was just. so. good? I think everyone loves this fic. This was one I read before I read the books based on kudos, then went back and read it again.

dangerous magics by SashaSea (SHCombatalade) @anneuhken | For centuries, there was a war. Then there were the Bindings (Reposted and restricted to registered AO3 users only)

If you’ve seen many fic rec lists, you may have heard of this fic. I searched high and low...and finally it’s back! If you enjoy fantasy, this one’s for you.

Ultraviolence by lscar123 @lscar123 | Neil Josten is of the most successful songwriters in the industry but years of blocking out his own personal pain and writing mind numbing radio hits have started to wear him down so he decides to take a break from it all and return to The Fox Hole, the bar he stumbled onto years ago and helped set up an open mic night at. It's there he meets Andrew Minyard, a bartender who makes an immediate impression on him. Something about Andrew tells him to run but it's either his own stubbornness or his pension for self destruction that makes him stay. Nothing in his life will ever be the same after the first night he spends back in the place he used to call home.

I. Love. Neil. In. This. Fic.

Ohana Means Family by SensationalSunburst @sensationalsunburst | He honestly thought they were going to make it.David understood that adrenaline could make time feel like it was crawling by; make seconds turn to minutes turn to lifetimes. He’d experienced it before. But when a man to his left, up next to Andrew's lot, raised a bottle high, red flushed face contorted in a sneer, he felt time slow to molasses around him.

Part of the Return of Dad!Mack series, in this one, Wymack takes a hit meant for Andrew.

Where You Lead by gluupor @gluupor | When Neil promised Kayleigh that he'd look out for Kevin if anything ever happened to her he'd never expected to be a single teenage father hiding out in a small town. Luckily the town's residents seem keen to adopt them. A Gilmore Girls AU where Kevin's a kid, Neil's his caffeine-addict father, and Andrew's a grumpy diner owner who loves them both.

Part of a just-the-right amount of sweet series set in a small town.

Skilled by wildfrancium @lexatargaryen | Neil has a talent for deactivating sensors that tell doctors when a patient takes their medication. Andrew, a famous Exy player, has a sensor that needs deactivating.

Very cool sci fi.

Kintsugi by SensationalSunburst @sensationalsunburst | “He saw our scars and thought they'd been fixed with gold, like the pottery in the book.” Neil blinked, stunned. “Kids this age are honest.” Andrew said, “They haven't learned to lie.”

This whole series (Small Angry Gardeners) is fantastic, featuring post canon andreil playing pro exy and living in the suburbs. This piece shows Kevin’s son reacting to their scars...it’s beautiful.

Crossfire by RoseGold_En @foxhole-pipe-dream | The year is 2073. Andrew and Aaron Minyard are twins born into a world with a strict one-child policy due to overpopulation. They take on a singular identity as "Adam Minyard", with only one of them allowed outside at a time. Siblings who are discovered are separated from their families and put into an eternal cryosleep. One day, Andrew disappears. Aaron and Nicky have to find him while maintaining the twins' cover. It's up to Aaron to find out who sold them out and why a bureau agent named "Neil" knows his brother's real name.

An excellent distopian au

A Mewment Like This Series by fuzzballsheltiepants @fuzzballsheltiepants | “...will the owner of the cat with the stupid name come back here? Your cat is trying to kill the vet.” And Neil and Andrew both stand up.

A continuing series of vignettes featuring pre-relationship andreil (so far), their cats Sir and King, and various aftg characters. Andrew cooks, and Neil is grateful.

Two Bros Five Feet Apart by Leahelisabeth (fortheloveofcamelot) @leahlisabeth | Jeremy's girlfriend dumps him on the eve of a romantic vacation. Jean fills in.

Jeremy and Jean fake dating on a cruise ship. Cue adorableness.

[early-sxnsets]

Don’t @ Me

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43092371

Chapter 1/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster

Word Count: 3118

Fic Summary: Teenage life is hard enough, but with the added weight of their lives, both Simon and Baz thrive online in a fandom for the British crime show, Gastrell, about the genius Huxley and his "flatmate" Sam. Through Tumblr, they find each other, and sink into something more than just being mutuals.

Chapter Summary: A shitpost is taken a little too personally, and an argument breaks out. In true Baz fashion, he seeks to prove himself right in the most ridiculous way possible.

BAZ

Morning routines are the most menial shit in the realm of existence of arbitrary tasks.

Everyone seems to have them, yet nobody really has a set one. For example, my step-mum has a long, seemingly pointless hour of simply facial cleansers, serums, and hair products. When I’d asked her years ago why she does it all, she shook her head and said “You’ll never be an aging woman, Basilton.”

I couldn’t quite argue with that.

Regardless, it’s a part of life. The routines. Wake up, morning routine, morning activity, eat, afternoon activity, usually afternoon snack, evening activity, dinner, night-time activity, sleep.

A boring, underwhelming cycle of the day.

Although, I suppose it’s shittier for me, since the homeschooling doesn’t give me a chance to do much besides sit and read. Of course, I have my car and I can drive off to whatever. Hell, father even suggested I get a job to occupy myself, but I don’t quite see the point given how much money we have (and the risk factors with moving around so frequently).

So, here I am. Finishing my classes in a matter of months, then having an entire year of pointless bullshit.

Needless to say, my entire day’s routine isn’t the most thrilling. Wake up at 10 on a good day, check social media and emails, then just lay here until I can’t wait to piss. Piss. Go to eat breakfast and get greeted by screaming children and my poor step-mum trying to wrangle them in. Go upstairs, go back online, see whatever’s on my dash, reblog some shit, then try to do something vaguely productive. Check Archive, check email again. Nothing’s on the emails, ever. Text Dev and Niall, who get awfully pissed since they are in school. Get more food. Eat. Bring tea upstairs, despite the disdained look from our maid (who hates collecting my piles of mugs). Write for a couple hours. Take an afternoon nap, if I please. Wake up and sit there (again). Maybe lonely wank. Go back to the bathroom, stare at myself in the mirror for a good few minutes. Sit on the toilet for half an hour for no reason besides the fact that my phone seems more interesting while sitting there as compared to sitting in bed. Sit then on the bathroom floor doing the same thing. Go back to my bed, listen to music on my phone and work on my laptop. Write, maybe scroll. Get dinner brought to me as they tut that I should be more active. Eat. Go downstairs for an evening workout (they’re right, I shouldn’t confine myself to my bed). Come back, do exactly what I do for half the day until I pass out somewhere around 3 am. Repeat.

Dream life for an 17 year old. Social life of a god.

Somewhat.

It’s shit to say (and sort of embarrassing to share) that there’s sort of a social media presence around me. Not quite the Instagram model bullshit, but based around fan life.

Yes, it’s a laughing stock. That’s where my popularity lies--a mixed grab-bag of various ages gathering around various platforms to enthuse about certain topics. And I’m somehow lucky enough to have the slightest bit of popularity here.

As in, a large following. A large, somehow active following.

It isn’t exactly thrilling as one would like to think. Sure, it’s fun to see a scattered group of regulars pop up, and I have my mutuals, but it’s a sad existence to sit around and make various shitposts with nothing better to occupy my mind. Or, at least, that’s what Dev and Niall tell me.

All in all, I blame Fiona. She’s the one who got me into the show, saying she thought the character was a bit like me. After I saw it, I found the three connections she’d grasped at.

Gay, dark-haired, and violinist.

As if that’s a rarity.

Yet, surely enough, I did love it. The cinematography, the characters, the storyline. It was intriguing--captivating.

It doesn’t hurt that the online community was still on the smaller side when I first got there. The show was only a season in when I made my blog, and I’ve stuck through all this bullshit to get me here. One of the regulars. Reposted everywhere, uncredited usually. Big fics, large interactions. Shitposts with thousands upon thousands of notes. I’m recognizable; a suggested name.

Don’t get me wrong, the attention is spectacular. I love interacting with people beyond this depressing household, and they’re usually fairly nice (usually) (except those ravenous for an argument). It’s just awkward to share at times when people ask why your mobile’s got 99+ symbols next to the apps and you just shrug and say “I’m shit at checking it” to avoid the conversation because most people see it as childish.

It’s a shame, really. Especially since I feel emotionally attached to these goddamn fictional fuckers.

I suppose that’s what makes it all the more personal, then. Even the shitposts mean something to me.

Which is what makes this is a long, winded way of saying fuck whoever’s arguing with me about whether or not Huxley is a fucking Ravenclaw. (He is. Hands down.) How’d I get here, staring at my mobile in disbelief at a brief back and forth post turned fight? Because it feels like a reasonable question to wonder.

I got here because, as almost all mornings, I woke up, opened my phone, read my notifs, then sat here, thinking of something. Anything. Then, in a tired haze, typed out a single text post on tumblr.

huxley gastrell is a ravenclaw send tweet

Following so, I went about my typical morning. Of course. Then--then--I check my phone as I’m going downstairs and I see it. I see the “@bi-sammy mentioned you in a post!” notif, then read the God-forsaken reblog.

@gaystrell op do you take criticism on your posts?

I frowned at my phone, typing out a quick response before tucking it back into my pocket.

@bi-sammy no.

What I hadn’t anticipated, though, was the reply I’d open up to soon after I’d started poking at my morning meal.

@gaystrell well too bad bc ur WRONG and ur opinions are UGLY

#he’s clearly a slytherin this is slytherin oppression #don’t tell me he and bryonie aren’t from a slytherin family

Now I sit, staring and completely awestruck at such a post. Now, I won’t deny Bryonie Gastrell is definitely, in all possible ways, a Slytherin. Cunning and ambitious as fuck, as any political spy may be, but fuck anyone who tries to dismiss Huxley’s clear Ravenclaw leanings.

It takes me a moment to fully process, mouth robotically chewing my eggs as I contemplate my answer.

@bi-sammy there is absolutely no proof of huxley being a slytherin and more than enough support towards him being a ravenclaw. get your clueless negativity off my blog, you utter tit.

With that, I settle my phone face down onto my table and try to enjoy my lovely plate of scrambled eggs, barely ignoring the boiling of my blood.

SIMON

My phone lights up with the new notification, dragging my attention away from my laptop as the words slide down onto the screen. “@gaystrell mentioned you in a post!” I hate to admit that I get a little pattering in my heart, urging my hand out to grasp the mobile as I pause the Youtube video currently playing. As I read his words, I slowly blink out of my excitement.

Tit. He called me a bloody tit.

Of course this fucking wanker called me a tit.

He must think that since he’s this big bad blogger, he can call me a tit right out in the open. (Although, he is talking to me, so that’s a plus) (No! No no no, bad validation, Simon. Bad). What, with his thousands of followers and fans of his own, he thinks he can try to say shit out in the open?

Fuck it. He’s either getting a DM or a bloody fist fight from me. I’ll take a train to wherever the fuck he lives (which is somewhere in England, since that’s what his bio says) (and his aunt lives in London, since he’s posted about visiting her) (I really do wonder where he’s from and how close he might be--what if I run into him one day?) (No wait fuck I don’t want that anymore).

Clicking on his blog, the little person drop down gives me the option of a message. I barely think as I type it out, vision going spotty from the adrenaline of the twinging anger.

bi-sammy: i swear to god there was no point to the battle of hogwarts if you’re just going to go around and absolutely slander the slytherin name and dare say that huxley is not one of them and, rather, is a ravenclaw

At first, I grin at it, watching my lone message appear into the empty chat. It’s so freeing--so powerful to send it. I pride myself, in the moment, for this solid move of communication. Of course I’m fucking proud. I messaged the arse myself and gave him a space to fight.

Maybe Penny’s right, I should dial down the confrontation, but it’s just the internet. Nothing important happens through a stupid little argument over Huxley’s true Hogwarts house (although, I’m sure I know I’m right in my heart), but it is a bit of fun to fuck around with someone. It’s a distraction. And that’s why I’m here, afterall. To have a distraction.

Penny thinks it’s a bit silly, but she doesn’t really complain. All she’s ever said was  “I thought we left fandom stuff behind us when we were 14.” She said it over lunch, watching me scroll through my at-the-time new tumblr.

It’s funny, I thought I did leave it behind when I was younger. It seemed unneeded as life shifted. I’d just found a stable foster home, with someone who was going to keep me for a while. I found Penny a couple months before I deactivated my old account. I was happy; we were free. I didn’t need a venting place.

Shits been sort of hitting the fan recently, though. No uni plans, David’s been getting more controlling, and of course, Agatha dumping me. It all crashed on top of me a few months ago, and somehow, the only place that I could find healthy coping was online. So, I started fresh. Made a blog and settled in. It’s not big, but I’ve had a few posts get noticed. I have a good few hundred followers, and one nice anon who asks me how I am every few weeks. It’s not a lot, but it’s comforting.

I feel at home here, even with a little discourse.

Well, only when the discourse is answered. Which, in this situation, I don’t know if it will be, given it’s been over an hour now and Baz hasn’t answered.

If that’s even his name.

It’s what his bio says, at least.

baz. 17. cisguy (he/him). gay. don’t interact if you think huxley is remotely straight.

I’ve wondered for a while what Baz stands for. He refuses to answer it in asks; he always says it’s too personal. He’s sort of odd like that--never posts pictures of anything that could be linked back. Seems sort of creepy, but then again, a lot of people follow him. It’s reasonable to want space.

Maybe that’s why he’s not answering. He probably wants space of some sort, but it’d be at least decent to answer someone who tried to have a discussion (that’s at least what I’m calling that message I sent--a discussion starter).

I frown at my phone, keeping it on silent as I slide it into my front pocket and settle into my seat in maths. I’ll say it--I sulk in class, a little bitter that I don’t have his attention (despite the fact that he seems like he’s always active online, which seems odd). Eventually, I exhale and try to let it slip away. There went my one interaction with him. My few seconds of the weirdest fucking bliss online, gone.

Then, it happens. As the class is ending, I pull out my screen just enough to see and there it is. A clear notification telling me he’d answered. Oddly enough, it’s just him sending me a link to a Google Doc.

Weird.

I ignore it for the moment being, letting myself ride the wave of relaxation that I actually got a reply. It passes my mind until I’m sitting in the back of Agatha’s car, listening to Penny and Aggie in the front talking about whatever’s on their mind. The rides are sort of awkward as of recently. At least Agatha agreed to drive me home (it’s a good 45 minute walk, if not) after some convincing from Penny, but her and I don’t really chat. It’s just the two of them.

Given that time, I have a chance to pull out my mobile and thumb through what was sent.

gaystrell: https://docs.google.com/document/d/175qFASmqD7hey8lE0eoE-6VhhFYE9DP6bpnI32Aay98/edit?usp=sharing

I click on it, not expecting that much (or, really, not expecting anything at all). Yet, the second it pops up and loads, my jaw drops.

“Jesus fuck,” I say aloud, scrolling through it. Penny turns her head, frowning as I stay locked on my screen.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“No--no nothing,” I say, waving a hand. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s got to be something for that reaction,” she says, keeping turned in her seat as she eyes me up. “Just tell us, Si.”

“I mean it when I say it’s nothing.” My voice gets quieter as I shift, reading the title. “It’s just fandom stuff. It’s really nothing.”

I hear her disgruntled huff as she turns back, mumbling something about me reacting too dramatically to this. “It isn’t even real.” It’s said under her breath, yet it still rings clear in my ears.

It isn’t really fake, either.

Hell, this is six pages of real. “Why Huxley Gastrell is, Without a Doubt, a Ravenclaw”. Shared by Basilton Pitch (is that his actual name?!). Fucking hell, it’s detailed to no ends. You’d think, with this much writing, there’d be pages of pointless filler where he’d just type “im gay hi huxley is also a gay we’re all gay here aren’t we”, but no. It’s full, grammatically correct sentences detailing his points.

It’s a bit much to read in the car, so I settle my mobile face down onto the seat as I’m left reeling. That… was a bit more than I’d expected.

Shit, did he write that for me?

This isn’t real. This can’t be real.

BAZ

Whoever says that having a flair for the dramatics is pointless has clearly never met me, because I wouldn’t quite call this masterpiece of an essay “pointless”. In fact, I should send it to academics. Rename it “A Study In Multi-Dimensional Characters and their Associated Generalized Personality Traits”. I’ll be hailed as a genius, as I deserve to be.

I crack my knuckles, and see the little person pop up.

Surely enough, it��s @bi-sammy’s name that he has listed online, Simon. It’s curious, he has his last name listed as “Snow”. Although, the smallest part of me believes it’s a pseudonym. Given our interactions, I doubt he’s clever enough to think of a solid pseudonym. And, even at that, why pick Snow?

Either way, it’s surprisingly endearing. Simon Snow. Sounds sweet. Sounds innocent.

I watch his cursor turn on, then his icon goes grey after a few moments. My heart starts to trip, making my cheeks begin to flush. Is… he ignoring this?

No. He can’t be. I put in hard work and dedication into this work, and I deserve the respect I’d sent into it. Fucking hell, three fully developed points (his devotion to intellectual work, his effort to step out of public light for Sam’s sake, and his overall lack of ambition for moving forward). I clearly set it out, and ended it properly; I’d proven that Huxley is a Ravenclaw. Case and point, opinion made, the end.

And, here I sit, watching him have the audacity to open it up then close it back. That was my hard work put in there, and he closes it? Who in the name of all that is sacred thinks he’s that above other people to the point where he just ignores--

Oh. He’s back on. Nevermind.

He’s… probably a school student. It’s roughly the time that most classes end, I suppose.

I make a mental apology to him, despite having never ranted directly to him in the first place.

He stays active for a good bit; long enough to show he’s reading. I assume that he’d just close off and message me, but after minutes, I notice a little highlighted comment pop up on the last sentence.

Simon Snow i………. owe you every single possible apology

Each word makes me grin like I haven’t in a while. A wide, cheek-creasing grin. There’s something so sweet to that--so personal. It feels like a note passed to me in a classroom under the tables. Like a cute “Blink if you like me”, although I doubt he has quite an intention.

Nevertheless, it warms my chest, sending my head back as I smile. I’m not sure whether or not it’s the satisfaction of winning, or his words, but I laugh outwardly into the room. It stays with me, reverberating onto my skin and my throat.

I look back at the comment, then leave it untouched. If he won’t remove it, then I won’t either.

With a glance at our personal messages tab, I figure that’s that. Even field, no more argument. No more interaction. It’s a bit of a shame, given the effort I’d just extorted for his sake, that he hasn’t answered in our chat.

While I’m disappointed to close off the document, I smile at it one last time. Sometimes I have to move on from random people, especially when they come on a bit strong.

Except, I find, moments later that I’m wrong about one thing--the moving on. He didn’t just stop his interaction, but instead made a public post.

“@bi-sammy mentioned you in a post!”

This time, I really laugh. A full bellied, hand-covering-mouth laugh.

i guess i have to suck @gayhuxell’s cock now because i was wrong and the bloody arse was right. huxley is a ravenclaw.

#fuck me i guess

I take a minute, rereading over his words a few times before typing a simple answer with my reblog.

i’m available anytime behind a mcdonald’s parking lot

[everythingshawnmendes]

ATTENTION: For anyone who reads fanfiction

DISCLAIMER: THIS WAS POSTED A LONG WHILE AGO BUT THAT BLOG DEACTIVATED. I STILL HAVE HER POST SOMEHOW SO IM REPOSTING TO KEEP THE MESSAGE. I AINT DESPERATE FOR LIKES JUST THANKFUL FANFIC WRITERS EXIST

Here’s a few things you should know: Fanfiction is a gift. Fic writers don’t have to share their works with you. They don’t have to write them at all. They do it and they share it because they’re fans of the show/book/movie etc. just like you, and they want to contribute to everyone’s enjoyment of fandom. Fanfiction is hard to write. You need a lot of creativity and passion to write fic. You need a ton of motivation and drive to write a complete fic, let alone a good one. Fic authors write for hours and hours and hours, often staying up late into the night just to write. They write through job struggles and personal issues, resorting to phones and tablets when their computers are on the fritz, tapping away on public buses and trains just because they can’t find any other time to write. Fanfiction is free. Fic writers give away thousands and thousands of words of pure fandom magic, and you get to consume all of it for the wonderful price of nothing. The only reward writers receive for themselves (besides a sense of accomplishment) is the response they get from you, the reader. Some don’t even feel that accomplishment until they see kudos and comments telling them how much their work was enjoyed. Please. No matter how much time you have, even just clicking the kudos button takes less than a second. And if you have time to read 5k words at one go, it’s no stretch at all to take a few more seconds to type ��good job!’ or ‘i loved this!’ in the comment box and hit send. Still not convinced? 1. IF YOU’RE EMBARRASSED / SHY, Fic authors LOVE hearing from you. Don’t worry about whether you think you’re going to phrase your response well. That’s literally the last thing we care about. Just knowing that you had a good time with something we made is EVERYTHING to us. 2. IF YOU STILL JUST DON’T SEE THE POINT, I have a very special challenge for you, my friend. Write a fic. Go forth, and write a complete, well-structured, well-characterised fic with organic, stimulating dialogue interwoven into a proper, fully fleshed-out storyline. Publish your work for all the Internet to see. And then get back to me.

[temporary-ss]

@birkastan2018 Hi! First of all, I’m not really here on tumblr anymore, I’ve deactivated a long time ago. I wanted to chip in on this because it’s spreading like wild fire, it’s the mere reason I’ve made this account.

I admire and understand what you have been doing, I really do. There’s nothing wrong with wanting reviews and recognition from your readers. Writers deserve it through and through! It’s okay to enjoy what you do at the same time ask for feedbacks, IT’S OKAY! No to shaming writers.

Now, let’s go to a more delicate subject which is the main reason I am here now. We want to encourage readers to interact with authors, that’s it that’s the advoacy here. Now, I came to see for myself what the fuss was all about, with some intensive backreading. So what I have noticed there was a “shift,” the one thing you were trying to build destroyed itself. I don’t know if you are aware of this. Instead of encouraging silent readers, name calling happened. Words like “shame,” “selfish,” “sociopath,” “parasites,” etc., all of which lead into this = WORTHLESS. I was shocked! I thought you want readers’ involvement so why? Those were not exactly confidence booster which I think one of the things silent readers lack. I thought you were the adult one. I’ll treat you the way you treat me, yeah do that but on a different account because you are destroying the purpose of this blog by applying this principle. Again, remember your advocacy: encouraging feedback. We are bridging gaps not widening it. Do not pit them against each other. No to reader shaming.

Mental issues is a very sensitive topic which you have adressed also. This has left a bitter taste in my mouth honestly. We don’t know what is happening behind everyone, be it authors or readers. You cannot compare how one handles his/her issues to others. We were always told this during my pre-med: Every person is unique. Everyone have different experiences, coping mechanism, signs and symptoms, etc. You cannot compare how a writer handles it from a reader and vice versa. I think you’ve said something along the lines: If an author with mental issue can manage to write something, readers have no excuse. This is exactly the problem of our society and how they approach mental health. It does not work like that. Patient A and Patient B both have the same diagnosis but present different sets of signs and symptoms - this happens, I’m not gonna go technical and bore you with medical stuffs. Both are important and valid, that’s the bottomline. Yes, it could be an excuse. Don’t undermine mental health. #MentalHealthAdvocacy 

I’m not here for a debate. I’ve read some of your responses, all of which have same points. (they were all long fyi you could easily condense it to one short paragraph. As someone who read thick medical books everyday, just a sight of long posts in the internet makes me puke. But here I am making one, oh the irony...ANYWAY). I am aware of the sacrifices our writers make. Yes, they deserve reaction from readers. It’s okay to feel sad if reviews are vast, its okay to seek it out. But you birk cannot simply force readers or guilt-trip them into leaving one (I haven’t seen writers guilt trip their readers, so this is on you birk, it is not good for the author community so please refrain from doing this). Isn’t it more satisfying to receive a heartfelt genuine review? I’ll choose that over thousands of guilt-tripped/pity/forced/don’t-leave/i-owe-you comments anytime of the day, it’s so fake don’t insult our writers like that. Let’s forget about statistics: Quality>Quantity.(Edit: Literally, the most reviewed naruto fic on ffnet right now is full of spam (70k), let that sink in) I am in no way encouraging silent readers to be silent readers forever. One by one they’ll come around, it may take days, weeks, months, or even years, but they will. Little by little, it may first start with a kudos, a like, a favorite, a follow, a reblog and by the time they left a review they are ready and they mean every word of it and it’s gonna be worth it. It’s very disheartening to hear, your kudos is just a slap in my face, do you think if you said those words it’s gonna make them magically leave a review? No. Instead, you’ve instilled fear and intimidation upon them, making any possible interaction from a genuine reader in the future impossible. Again, the goal is encourage readers not eat them. I know that is what you want, but your sudden deviation on a different yet same path (idk if you were influenced by someone im kinda observant that way...maybe choose your friends wisely) became a trigger for this to spun out of control. You can go back!

Lastly, the “fandom.” Everyone has their own definition of it. But what I can confidently say is that the backbone of the fandom is not you, not me, not the content creators, not the readers. It’s kishi, naruto, the anime, the manga, the characters, the ships. It’s those little canon moments. Isn’t that the reason why we create and built this fandom in the first place? We love them. I’m gonna give you a leeway for this because you’re still pretty new in the fandom. I can see how a person who had been here longer than you get mad at your sentiments. We make contents based of the canon. Many are still here because we cling on those canon moments. We take something and give it a different universe, giving rise to beautiful fan arts and fics, cosplays, conventions, dojinshi, etc. At the end of the day, we go back to those canon moments that we love. It had been so long since naruto ended, but you still see gifs, manga caps of the anime and manga, respectively, you still see analysis of moments, you still see people fighting how the story should have ended (let’s not forget the time when someone made a petition to change the ending like 🙄) or who is better. That is our backbone, our roots.

Additionally, the anon that said something like I will go down with this fandom even if I’m the only one left. I think it wasn’t at all meant to shame anyone. That’s a popular slang(?) in fandom culture: I will go down with this ship, I will go down with [insert anyone here]. That’s passion. That person love naruto and nothing will make it go away, he/she will enjoy naruto despite everything that’s a fan mentality. What do you expect some of us here have been fans since we were children, it had been a part of our lives for more than a decade.

And seriously? “Consumers”? Do it in another place, it is so inappropriate to use this in fandom culture. People are here to enjoy you make it sound so corporate, it is such a kill joy word. Maybe it’s an age thing? We’re not consumers, we are “fans.” Makes me think you see fandom superficially not capturing it’s entire essence.

Birk - do not reduce yourself to name calling, you are bigger than that. learn to see things with an open and clear mind. if you’re not gonna leave your bubble where silent readers are worthless & [insert the words you used to call them], you are not gonna get through with them. remember your goal always. Readers - your opinions and excuses matter and your self-worth can’t and shouldn’t be dictated by anyone. Writers - your’s also matter. its okay to want feedback. its okay to create patreons/kofi, ignore those who said otherwise. keep doing what you love, if passion gets too overwhelming take a breath and relax. if you want to quit doing it, it’s also okay you don’t have to keep doing if you’re unhappy anymore. self care first.

This had been said already but I wanna reiterate. Let’s not forget the real devils here: REPOSTERS, TRACERS, PLAGIARIZERS, ENTITLED PERSONS.

I hope you finish reading this and take it with an open-mind. You gonna meet me half-way here. Otherwise, this will not end. Thank you! P.S. I said I am not here for debate bec I understand your point. It’s okay not to answer me (if you will, don’t make it long, straight to the point but you do you) but let me know if you’ve already read this. 

[jeontrack-blog]

a u    r e v o i r

Hello there, As you can probably read by the title, this is going to be me bidding you all farewell. This has been on my mind for the past few months and of course it hasn’t been an easy decision to make. My blog has only been around for a year and three months and I have not been much active throughout, and I still wanted to see just how far I could go, but alas! my journey ends here; for now. I do not consider myself a big or recognized blog, especially as a writer here on this platform, and probably no one would even bat an eyelash that I am finally withdrawing as a writer here on tumblr; but I do not just want to leave without explaining why, especially to my mutuals and the 1K+ beautiful people that follow me, have read my writings, appreciated them and gave me support. I owe them everything. So first of all, I would not be able to upload anything for the incoming months. If you haven’t read my faqs, I am a senior high school student that already attends a health sciences med university and takes a specialized health allied, “pre-med level” strand of studies. You can only imagine how much my studies takes up most of my life to the point where watching kpop videos while on a three hour ride to my university is the only “me time” I have. There is no possible way I can balance writing/posting fics whilst studying. I am sorry but this is something I have to sacrifice for the sake of my future. Like everybody out there, I do have my own life. I hope you all understand. Secondly, aside from my usual constant state of writer’s block, I have lost motivation to actually type down writings I really want to write. And it is horrible because there are some ideas/plots that I come up with and absolutely fall in love with and I want to right them but I just can’t? Writing for this blog isn’t as enjoyable as it used to be, it has become a burden and I am honestly pressured to match everyone’s expectations for the writings I put out. I would still be on tumblr using another blog of mine, and would continue reading beautiful writings our amazing fandom writers put out and also continue being a trash for our boys; so in a way I have not left the tumblr realm all together; just the “being a writer” part. But who knows, maybe one day I’ll return and you’d be able to find my works floating around tumblr again, under another name, under a new persona. This, most definitely, is not the end; I have a feeling that I’ll find my way back again. Whether I would let it be known that I am Bey, the writer of the blog jeontrack, still remains as a decision I would embark on if ever the time comes. Being a tumblr writer has honestly been such a ride. Being able to share my writings was something that made me happy, and to think that even just one person enjoying them already makes my heart soar but to have more than a thousand of you?! Just. wow. I wish I could’ve celebrated such a milestone with you all, and I absolutely regret not being able to do so. So much had happened in this blog that I absolutely treasure. I found friends and people I trust, I even got the chance to talk and befriend writers I’ve long looked up to and had actually inspired me to finally make a writing blog of my own; and some of them even became my mutuals?? Like is this for real? Wow  I’ve learned so much throughout my entire stay on here as a writer, lessons and values that I’ll always keep in mind.  I have thought hard on whether I should deactivate/delete my account a day or two after posting this or if I should just leave it abandoned. And I’ve decided to leave my works up for your reading  pleasure, and for everyone who have appreciated them and had supported me. It is kind of like the little mark that I would leave in this platform. But of course my works are all still protected by a license. My leave does not mean you can plagiarize, repost, or translate my work. Please respect that. I am discontinuing my series Playing With Flames and the (only) fic on my WIP list as I leave. Thank you for being patient with me and I owe you my out most apology for letting you down.   Thank you so so much, I can never express the happiness you gave me and how much I am grateful for all of you. I love you all so much with my whole heart. And now for the last time, This has been Bey, writer of the blog Jeontrack, now logging out.  Under the cut are messages for my mutuals and people I hold dear, that not only became my friends, but had also grown to become my family around here.

So I wasn’t courageous enough to message each and everyone of you personally and I think I’ll just cry if I did.  To everyone in Bangtan Writing Squad. Do you know how much all of you mean to me? Do you know how lonely I was in here? You’ve all made me so damn happy and holy shit I’m looking at our gc now and oh god I’m tearing up because I’ll miss you all so so much. I’ll miss waking up and seeing messages from you all, I’ll miss how welcoming this network and it’s members was, how you all felt like my home on here. I was actually considering deleting my account earlier this year but it was postponed when I met all of you because you made me want to do well, to believe in my works, and I cannot thank you all enough for that. I’m sorry that I’ll be saying goodbye like this, I should’ve done better, I hope you guys don’t hate me. Lolita, Mocha and Icarus, my lovelies, I hope you guys are doing well. It’s too bad that we haven’t been too active lately, I could’ve spent more time with you  ;; I’ll surely miss our shenanigans so much and ahhhhhh godbhksva Lucy and Mak, my babies!!! Mak you’re such a wonderful person, never loose that kindness and positive outlook in life, I adore you so so much. Stay strong my baby. And Lucy hngggg I don’t even know what to say my words are failing me; I’ll miss you so much! Morgan, you seem under a lot of stress lately because of your work and I care for you a lot and I’d still probably worry and fuss about you even after I leave so please stay hydrated and don’t skip your meals. Please take care of yourself! Becca, Dia, Ate Ella, Karlee, Lex, Nell, Raven, Sky, Alex, and Yubin, such lovely people, I’m really going to miss all of you so much. Jacy and Nyx (Lucy too), thank you for being the best admins anyone can ever have. You’ve been so strong for  all of us and for this network. I admire you all so much. Euph, my baby, you’re messaging me on kakao as I type this and I want to fucking cry. I’ll miss this a lot. I feel like this would surprise you the most because we were just on the phone on call for about 3 hours, I actually really wanted to tell you but in the end I couldn’t. Please forgive me. I’m going to miss you so much my baby. Don’t hate me. I love you all so much, I will still be here tho, on another blog of mine and would still watch you and your works grow. I’ll be here supporting all of you. You make me so damn proud. I love you all so much. Thank you. You all have my heart. And lasty,  Jenn! I’m not sure if you’ll see this ahaha I might just break the news to you on SC later or just send you a link because I’m still scared. This isn’t really a goodbye for us since we know each other outside tumblr. But I apologize for not telling you about this. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to continue PWF, I’ve wanted to dedicate the last part to you. I love you so much and I am absolutely grateful to have you. You were my first ever friend on here. You’ve given me unyielding support and believed in me the most. I treasure you so so much. Good bye my lovelies. I wish you nothing but the best, both for your crafts/works on here and on your personal lives. You will always remain wedged in between every crevice of my heart.