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ddesfleurs · 2 months ago

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It hurts to love you, but I still love you.

chapter 5

summary: He could never truly be hers, she could never live a full and happy life with him and it caused her so much pain as she thought about the life and happiness that was denied to them.

warnings: cheat, angst, anger, melancholy, light smut, mention of sex, fluff

notes: Hey guys. I know it's been a loooong time. I don't even know where to start, so many things happened during the time I spent away from here that I simply couldn't write but I never stopped thinking about this story fondly. I recently logged into my Ao3 and Tumblr accounts, where I publish this story, and I came across several messages, comments and expressions of encouragement and affection coming from those of you who followed and read this story. And this flooded my heart with love and gratitude for you in such a way that I made it my goal to write and publish another chapter of this story after submitting and defending my college graduation thesis. And yes, I basically finished college, I'm going to have my official ceremony in December. So here we are, another chapter of this story that I started a long time ago and that thanks to your encouragement I am resuming it. This is the first time in years that I've written something that isn't academic, so I don't know if you'll like it as much as before, but here it is. Thank you for all the affection. As previously mentioned, English is not my first language. Good reading!!

Grace was sitting on a park bench, she watched people passing by, children running, life happening while taking in some late afternoon sun. The leaves fell slowly from the trees and the wind moved her hair in a very contemplative way, Grace felt life reaching her.

It was the first time she had returned to New York since leaving Michael and it would be a lie to say that she wasn't worried about one of her employees discovering her, but it had been a considerable amount of time since she had left him and honestly she thought that he wouldn't still be after her after all this time, considering he had a wife and now, possibly, three beautiful children.

She missed Michael. Missed his presence, his touches, the hugs, kisses, moments and vows exchanged. She missed everything and everything reminded her of him. Grace looked back and didn't quite know where everything had gone wrong in her life, she assumed that things had started to spiral into disaster after she agreed to be the lover of a married man who is part of the mafia. God knows how much she regretted it, how guilty she felt, how much she wished things weren't like this. But it couldn't have been any different. She loved Michael with all her heart and from the first moment they were together she knew she would be his until the end of her days.

Now that truth had a bitter taste in her mouth. She wished she didn't love him, she wished she hadn't gotten involved with him, she wished she had done everything differently. But, God, how she misses him. There wasn't a day that went by where she didn't think about just going back to him or at least making a call and hearing his voice again.

But Grace couldn't do that. She could never have the man she loves because he was a married man. And that was why she had left him, he could never truly be hers, she could never live a full and happy life with him and it caused her so much pain as she thought about the life and happiness that was denied to them.

When Kay knocked on her door that day it was as if her little fairy tale had come to an end. The woman brought Grace back to reality in the harshest way possible. Breaking the spell of her love story.

Grace knew she was wrong to get involved with Michael, and she knew Kay had every right to be angry with her. But it was still hard to hear her words, the news that she was pregnant with their third child while Grace was denied any possible romantic future and suffered from the knowledge that she would never be the first in Michael's life, that she could never have his children. She would always be his little mistress. His diversion, something to pass the time when he was bored with the routine at home. And what future would she have if she continued in that relationship? She would only hurt herself even more.

It was for these reasons that she decided to leave. Grace decided to move away from Michael, putting an end to their relationship and, consequently, doing the right thing for all those involved in this story.

However, even though it was the right thing, this decision hurt she every day. Every day she thought about Michael and the times they spent together. She remembered in particular a day that remained in her memory, a special memory.

They had gone to the cinema, somehow Michael had managed to get a session for just the two of them. He knew that Grace loved doing any kind of thing with him and he knew that she loved it when he surprised her with romantic gestures and he, in love as he was, made a point of always winning her over every day.

So, he found a way for them to have a real romantic night, all according to the script. Cinema and dinner. And for her it was one of the happiest days of her life.

The film chosen was Rebecca (1940) by Hitchcock, one of her favorites, a little old, but she liked it because she identified a little with the character. For your sweet and naive but at the same time kind way. Identified mainly with the way the protagonist fell madly in love with an older man who had countless secrets that she felt she would never know in their entirety.

Grace watched the film with pleasure, eyes shining with satisfaction not only for the film but also for Michael's romantic gesture, he knew how to please her and these small moments fueled her love for him, creating deep roots in her heart.

As they left the movie theater, Michael said they were going to walk a few blocks to the Italian restaurant for dinner.

"How did you get a movie theater just for us?" She asked as she lightly squeezed his arm, giving him a bright smile.

"You know, I have my tricks." He replied with satisfaction and gave her a wink. "Did you like it?"

"So much, Michael! You don't know how happy I am with you, how much I love all the hours we share. I love you." She finished with a sigh, as if the last statement was a confession.

He stopped walking and turned her to face him, looking deep into her beautiful eyes. Michael passed his hand over Grace's face, a gentle caress that sent the feeling of love and tenderness straight to her heart.

"Gosh, I really adore you, Grace. You are the light of my life." He said softly as he looked at her as if Grace was the most precious thing in the world, and somewhat of a coward for not having the courage to tell her he loved her.

She responded by pulling him for a shy kiss there, in the middle of the street, but nothing mattered to her, just her love and how she felt when she was with Michael.

He returned the kiss eagerly, holding her waist and neck. The two separated smiling, they didn't want to cause a scene on the street. They continued the short path towards the restaurant like two young people in love, as if there was no consequences behind their actions, as if they were free to love each other as they wanted to be.

Grace smiled as she recalled this memory. How she missed Michael, his kisses, his words, his smell, just everything about him. Another memory invaded her mind as she looked at her friends sitting on the picnic blanket while playing with little John.

They were in their apartment having a calm and slow day as they cuddled each other and played games like chess. Grace wasn't very interested in it but Michael liked it and for him she tried to be a good opponent. Obviously she always ended up losing the matches, but that didn't matter to her, she liked doing anything with him.

After losing another game, Grace stood up in a huff and said, half jokingly, as if she were angry:

"This is the last time we play chess. It's impossible to beat you! I'm already upset from losing so much." She said with a huff as she rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"You just need to pay more attention, honey. It's not that hard." Michael said as he got up and went to meet her, finding it very funny the childish way she got angry and rolled her eyes when she lost.

"Mike, could you let me win for once." She said pouting.

"That's not fair." He said laughing, "You're such a bad loser, honey."

"Just like you!" Grace stuck her tongue out at Michael, making a face that he found particularly adorable.

He approached her as she leaned back against the counter.

"I love your way, you know? I love the way you make me feel lighter and happier. I love the way you make me smile. I love the way you act with me, our jokes, our moments we share. " He said and pulled her into an eager hug, tightening his arms around her. "I don't want to lose you. Grace, you are the light of my life."

Michael nuzzled his nose around Grace's neck and then kissed her eagerly, as if he was afraid she would disappear in the blink of an eye when she was right there in front of him.

Grace woke up from her memories with the voices of Nancy and Carolyn calling her. She looked at her friends and that very cute little baby and gave a beautiful smile, trying to sweep the memories out of her mind and focus on the present while not knowing what was in store for her future.

She got up from the bench and went to sit with her friends on the towel where they played with John. Grace approached the baby who gave her a cute smile, still without teeth. Picking him up, she rocked him close to her, thinking about how children are innocent and very cute little human beings.

"He adores me." She said to her friends as she gave a smile and bounced John lightly in her arms.

"Of course he does, he already knows who will spoil him for the rest of his life." Nancy said, taking the toy dinosaur from John and placing it in front of the baby.

"He's really adorable." Carolyn stated looking at Nancy with a smile on her lips and then observing Grace with the baby in her lap.

From afar, still in the park, Michael watched them without believing that he was just a few steps away from Grace and his son in her arms. The son he didn't even know existed until recently.

Michael was frozen watching the scene: you with the baby on your lap, laughing while talking to your friends, the wind gently hitting you resulting in your hair being a little disheveled. He felt so many things when he saw Grace, even from afar, that he couldn't take action. Soon he, who had always been a man of actions, was paralyzed in front of the scene he was watching.

Seeing her after so long apart reignited the pain of his loss. Seeing her there with her baby broke his heart, the prospect that she didn't feel confident telling him she was pregnant. It was all his fault. He who had been weak in not having had the courage to face reality. For not admitting to himself that his marriage had ended a long time ago, for not getting divorced, for not staying with Grace, the woman he loved.

But now, looking at her and the baby, he was determined to win back her love. And not only that: he wanted a family with her, his son, Mary and Anthony. He wanted to prove to Grace that he was capable of fixing everything and giving her the life she deserved, a happy family.

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