#goddamn me

[bending-sickle]

i could have picked any other shitty joke for the angel to quote but noooo i had to pick the oldest bar joke no one actually knows the punchline of

[effervescentdragon]

I didn't expect you to tell us the plot of the new phenomenon when I mentioned Netflix but I loved it!!!

Thank you so much for writing it! It will live rent free in my mind for sure! 😘😘

oh anon you've awakened something in me ngl, maybe i'll write about how carlos waited for the beautiful boy with the green eyes for the almost whole of next day at the coffeeshop but the boy never showed, and carlos was desolate because he felt something, and how he hit up some of his (rich) carting buddies that night and how they went to a yacht party and carlos was just about to ask this one guy home to his appartment (loaned from daddy's friend who was spending time in bali atm) when he saw the boy in the crowd, so he left to follow him and when he got to the bar, he realised the beautiful boy wasnt a guest - he was working there! and carlos came up to him to ask him why he stood him up, but the boy looked at him and carlos lost all his marbles (relatable) and the boy's eyes widened, and he looked surprised but also pleased, and just a bit embarrased, and carlos finally asked "why didnt you come" and the boy said "i didnt think you'd want to see me, i ruined your shirt and there were some things i had to do and i couldn't make it on time" and carlos said "will you be available tomorrow at noon" and reached for his hand and the boy blushed and said "yes, but" but then someone from behind the bar shouted at him in french and he flinched, and said "i have to go, im sorry" with an apologetic smile and carlos forgot everything because the boy had dimples and carlos wanted to kiss them suddenly and then he was gone again in the blink of an eye and carlos stood in the crowd and realised that once again, he forgot to ask for the boy's name.

but only maybe i'll write it, dont hold me to it ;)

[clickityweasel]

had a real life "and everybody clapped" moment and im still reeling. spent the rest of the ride comparing butterfly pics with the old lady next to me trying to identify it

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

[nebulousfishgills]

Listen, Otto realizing that he helped put a moron on the Iron Throne and then going through the five stages of grief before dipping is peak comedy, bro really fucked around and then found out.

[emberglowfox]

birds of a feather

[mangozic]

the wettest of cats

[hellsitegenetics]

When I followed you earlier today and then realized this blog wasn't even two days old it made me feel like I invested in a startup.

Do you think if you did the lyrics for Fireflies by Owl City, your database would give us fireflies? (Will also accept owls. And there's a line about sheep too).

String identified:

t t t t a a 'Ca t' t a A a ta ' t t t ta a ta ' t a Tat at at t t' a t a tat ' at ta Aa ' a 'Ca tg a t 'Ca ' gt a ta g t ta gtg g A t t t tac t ac A tt a a A c at A c a t agg a ta ' t a Tat at at t t' a t a tat ' at ta Aa ' a 'Ca tg a t a a a t a cac (a ta aa ) 'Ca c a ac (a ta aa ) t ctg (a ta aa ) ' a t t t a a T t ' 'ca at g gt t a t a a t ' a a a gt a a 'Ca a a a t a a ' t a Tat at at t t' a t a tat ' at ta Aa ' a 'Ca tg a t a a ' t a Tat at at t t' a t a tat ' at ta Aa ' a 'Ca tg a t a a ' t a Tat at at t t' a t a tat ' at ta Aa ' a ca a a tg at t a

Closest match: Sepia lycidas genome assembly, chromosome: 36 Common name: Kisslip cuttlefish

[czerwonywilk]

I WAS CHANGING A DORM IN BASE BUT DIDNT KNOW MAINTENANCE WAS COMING AND SHIT SO I HAVE TO REDECORATE IT AGAIN

[hinamie]

long way home

[deadpoets]

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989) dir. Peter Weir

[theskyexists]

wrote fanfic. how to end it.

[yellowistheraddest]

I WILL NEVER STOP WITH 'DRAGON LOVE HIS SON AND IS A SILLY GUY' PROPAGANDA!!!!

[hoagiesnadwich]

an honest conversation

wahoo part 5! i was so excited to post this the entire time i was making it, i think its so funny

part 4 <- part 5 -> part 6

extra:

[crows-home]

more funny things that happened on my first watch of nimona

ID by @peachygos

[ID: A comic juxtaposing screenshots from Nimona 2023 and drawn panels of two people on a couch, one wearing a cap and the other glasses. First is Ballister kneeling in front of the Queen, as she says "Congratulations, Sir Boldheart." Cap says, "OK!! Calling it right now! Queen's gonna die & they're gonna think he did it." Glasses says, "You think?" Cap continues, "Yup! Said in the summary that he's accused of a tragedy. They're gonna find her stabbed w/ his sword by the morning. Maybe during a party or smth." Glasses says, "Hm... Maybe-"

The second image shows just the two on the couch, washed in green light from the screen as the Queen dies. They look at the screen in gaping shock, then at each other.

The next screenshot is of Ballister clutching at his shoulder with a grunt of pain. Both people lean forward in focus. Glasses says, "Wait- did he cut off his whole arm-?" Cap says, "No! Nah, he just knocked the sword out of his hand, I think. Maybe his shoulder got hurt & he's holding his arm back?" Glasses says, "Dude I don't think-"

The final screenshot is a continuation of the previous shot, the camera zooming out to show Ballister clutching his shoulder, and his severed arm laying in the foreground. Both characters silently watch the screen in shock. Glasses gasps and covers their mouth with their hand. /end ID]