#god why does this channel have to end its brought me so much happiness

[fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy]

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

[vintage-writes]

Yes I’m Mad, You Broke my Leg (Tomura Shigaraki x Reader)

Pairing: Tomura Shigaraki x Fem!Reader

Summary: You are currently undercover at U.A High School as Aizawa’s teaching assistant. One day on a field trip with Class 1A the League of Villains shows up and you now have to pretend that you’re definitely not in love with the leader. Of Course, Maybe you took it a tad too far. >-<

Warnings: None, Fluff. Slight bit of Angst but otherwise it’s just a pouty Shigaraki..

Word Count: 2 057

_________________________________________________

“Shigaraki is dead ahead moving into the back alley. Y/n, I need you to cut them off,” Aizawa’s voice echoes in your ear. “I’ll handle Kurogiri.”

Your feet continuously pound against the stone floor. You pass several run down buildings as you sprint down the deserted streets. The League of Villains recently attacked an old hospital currently experimenting on quirk enhancement. Seeing as the U.A. students were conveniently nearby, the Saturday school trip has turned into yet another effort to finally get a hold of Tomura Shigaraki, head of the League of Villains. Because God forbid, we actually do something normal for a change.

As Aizawa’s newest teaching assistant, that he reluctantly agreed to, you were now careening around corners on foot to catch up to him and cut him off from behind while Aizawa took chase from the front. So far, you just wish you had stayed home.

As you make your way around the final corner you run into the man himself. His cotton blue hair billowing behind him, his cloak flapping around in the wind. His trademark hands are currently in place blocking your view of his handsome face.

“Hello Villain”, you say.

He says nothing in response, simply tilting his head at you.

“I’ve been ordered to stop you here”, despite not being able to see his face you can tell by his body language, he isn’t pleased with the idea. “Why don’t we have some fun.”

“Let’s not”

You quickly slip the knife waiting in your belt into your right hand. Using your quirk you block off all the exits except for the one in the direction of Aizawa. You lunge forward and swipe your knife at him but he jumps backwards in time to avoid the edge. You swipe again, he dodges again, and like this you proceed to dance around another with jabs and slashes. Despite his size and lowered visibility, he is able to move rather smoothly.

Again, you decide to emit your quirk to land a blow on him which he narrowly avoids. However this time, as he dodges away he latches all five fingers onto a column supporting a nearby building. His quirk manifests at an alarming rate and eats away at the majority of the column before swiftly shifting over to eat away at the bricks and chipping paint of the building itself.

“Wait! NO!” You lunge forward intent on stopping him, knife discarded. The area didn't have any time to be evacuated, therefore, many people were still residing in the houses. If the building collapsed, it could definitely take a life or two.

Surprised by your sudden cry, he jumps away from the wall. Between the fingers, you can see his eyes have widened considerably. Before you had any time to say or do anything that could potentially explain the sudden outburst, you hear Aizawa’s voice shouting from behind.

“Y/n, get him now!”

Right. Remain focused.

You turn back to the task at hand only to freeze. Rushing towards you at an alarming rate was Shigaraki, hand outstretched, aimed at your face. On pure and absolute instinct, you drop down into a crouch before swinging your left leg around to connect with the corner of his knee. The blow lands with a sickening crunch and he immediately drops like a sack of potatoes as you roll out of the way. Adrenaline thrumming through your veins as you roll onto your feet again, turning to face Shigaraki. He’s lying on his side, hand fallen beside him and face in full view. Shigaraki’s face twists in pain as he lets out a strangled cry. However, this time,  Kurogiri sits beside him and without wasting time, the two disappear. 

“Dammit!” Aizawa says as he rocks up beside you. “Nice job though, that will definitely throw a wrench in their plans.”

You look up at Aizawa, confusion written all over your face.

He chuckles softly, “Nice job on breaking his leg, it’ll give the heroes a chance to breathe and track them down.” Aizawa begins to walk away and motions for you to follow so that you can meet up with the students. However you remain frozen in place as realisation begins to set in. Guilt immediately floods over you. You broke Shiggy’s leg. You gave him a clean break to HIS LEG. You wander after Aizawa in a daze. Meeting up with the students feels like a nightmare as each one compliments you on a job well done. It doesn’t feel like a good job. You plaster on a realistic smile as you pretend to revel in the glory. It’s an incredibly strange feeling to be praised for doing something you really didn’t want to do.

You’re never going to hear the end of this.

___________________

Three agonising days pass before you’re allowed off campus. You send in a request with Principle Nezu and he allows you to stay off campus on Friday night for your ‘Mom’s birthday’. Aizawa gives you papers to mark and sends you off with a pat on the head and a request to remain safe. 

“I doubt Shigaraki’s allies will be too pleased with you, stay out of the spotlight.”

You gave him your thanks before leaving campus. Now you stand in front of a rundown warehouse, cake in hand, mentally preparing yourself for the shit you’re about to get into. God can only prepare you for the amount of petty, pouty rage, Shiggy’s about to send your way. You move forward and slowly open the door. It swings open on its hinges anyway, screaming into the open space. On the musty couch sits Dabi and Toga watching some god awful American drama.

Dabi looks up and with a teasing smile and proclaims, “Would you look at that. It’s the hero.”

“Shut up, Dabi”

“Oh, Y/n, Y/n, Y/n”, he tuts. “I feel like maybe you should be a little nicer, especially with the mood he’s in right now.”

“Don’t you think I know that”, you hiss back, holding up the cake tin.

“You think Cake is going to fix this?”

You pause before softly mumbling a tired ‘maybe’. Dabi bursts out laughing while you throw a venomous look at him.

“Oooohh, no need to be like that, or are you going to break my leg now too-- ow!” He shouts out, rubbing his head. Toga raises her arm again, TV remote in hand. A warning written all over her face. 

“He’s in the back Y/n”, she says. She offers a smile, hand still raised. “Don’t worry too much about it.”

You thank her and send Dabi another mean look as you duck around the corner, striding towards the back room. As you reach the door you release a breath before entering.

Shigaraki sits on the couch, head in his hand as he watches the news. Surprisingly enough he’s staring intently at the sports channel. He’s avoiding you, you realise. You walk in on soft feet to stand in front of the couch. You place the cake on the coffee table. You decide to be straightforward and address the elephant in the room.

“Hey Baby, how’s the leg”, you say gently.

“Hi Darling,” he starts off, “It’s fine.”

Darling, he says. That one’s new.

“Are you mad?” you whisper. He finally meets your eyes. Crimson eyes burning with heat.

“Why would I be mad? It’s not like you broke my leg”, he says, gravelly.

“Baby, I promise you, it wasn’t on purpose. You caught me off guard. I barely even knew what I was doing, it was all on instinct”, You start off desperately. “I swear, it will never happen again. Aizawa just caught me off guard.”

His eyes fixate on you. He’s studying you thoroughly, doubt swirling in his eyes. His calm face remind you of someone in mourning. He leans forward, hands interlace, elbows resting on his knees. He doesn’t look at you again. Instead, he stares into the spot above the TV. Ideas turning behind red eyes. You feel your heart drop. Does he no longer trust you? Is this the end of the relationship? You’ve always known Shiggy’s trust was difficult to earn but you never thought it would be lost, especially not like this.

“Do you not trust me?” he asks at last.

You still. Do you not trust him? That’s ridiculous. Of course you trust him. You’d lay down your life for this man. For the opportunity for him to be happy, to burn the world down that betrayed him. To cripple a society that is unequal and cruel.

However, the scene plays back in your mind, the sight of his hand moving towards your face. His pinky tucked beneath it, only the thumb and forefinger truly posing as some form of a threat. Granted the only reason you had done what you did, had more to do with an object coming towards your face then a lack of trust in him.

You kneel down in front of him and rest on your knees. You remain on the side of his good leg, eye-level with him.

You reach forward and grasp his interlaced hands, unlocking them and entwining your own within his gloved fingers. Slowly you lift each hand up and place a kiss on the knuckles.

“I love you so much, of course I trust you.” You say gently. “This will never happen again.”

He smiles and then proceeds to lift up your hands in order to place kisses on your knuckles. Sincerity pooling in his eyes.

“I love you too. Please be safe.”

You send him a wink, “Always, and one really good thing came from this. The Pro’s trust me a whole lot more now.”

His smile drops suddenly and so does your heart. Maybe that came out wrong.

“I’m still in a lot of pain”, he says, looking away with a pout, “I’m still mad.”

You climb onto the couch next to him and place a kiss on his cheek before whispering, “I brought cake.” You beam up at him and he lets out the softest little chuckle.

“What kind of cake?”

You giggle.

“Chocolate, Delicious Chocolate.”

“Alright, I’ll eat the cake and then see if I’m still mad.”

You let out a laugh before kissing him full on the lips. Slightly chapped as his lips are, they’re still soft to the touch. He places a hand on your cheek and deepens the kiss, groaning. Warmth spreads over your body as you feel at peace.  Wrapping his arms around you, you fall into him. The worrying for the past few days suddenly feels silly now as his gentle heat engulfs you.

You pull away breathless. Eyes like plated Mars, stare into your own. His beauty is stealing away all reasoning. Taking away the very air of your lungs.

“Cake?” you ask, a blush spread across your cheeks.

He nods back, “Cake.”

You reach over for the Cake tin and hand it to him before reaching down again for the spoons. As you turn back you see that he’s already opened the tin, a card sits in his hand as he stares down at both, a look of confusion written all over his face. 

Oh Yeah, that’s what you forgot to do. He looks at the card, then at you before lifting the cake out of the tin and displaying it for you. Out of the corner of your eye you can see the card has been placed aside. Without looking at it you already know what it says. 

A quick note to “Enjoy the precious time spent with family” signed by Principal Nezu.

“Babe”, he says “Why does this cake say ‘Happy Birthday Mrs (L/n)’”

You Throw him a sheepish smile.

“Happy Birthday, Mom”

_______________________________

A/N: There is nothing anyone can say to convince me Nezu wouldn’t do this.

[eveningstar1516]

Rise of the Demon King ~ Chapter 11

Rise of the Demon King

Fic: Multi Chapter Paring: MC x Everyone (Mostly Lucifer) Type: Angst with a Happy Ending Total Word Count: 26,758 TW: Major Character Death, Reader gets stabbed with a sword through their chest so..., Abusive Parents, Past Child Abuse, Demon Hunters, Loss of Control Summary: You’ve done it. You’ve finally done it. You’ve managed to anger the demon king. Now you hold your head high as he hands down your sentence. AO3 Portal: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065362 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A/N: I gotta Discord server guys! It's primarily Obey Me but other fandoms are welcome as well. It's kinda baby and dead so me and the other members are looking to revive it and we'd love for you to come join us. A roleplay area is included :) https://discord.gg/F3YEmDZCPS Please remember to read and accept the rules once you join for access to all the channels. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Previously:

After that day, Beel would take responsibility for waking the youngest whenever he slept for too long and Belphie took responsibility for making sure Beel ate whenever he was awake. From that day forward, you’d never find one twin without the other close by. Their relationship strengthened, one relying on the other. Always being there when needed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHAPTER 11 - 2 Realms, 2 Families (2003 words)

Making my way up the palace steps, I took notice of the lack of angels tending the gardens or palace. Oh well, I thought to myself. It is still too early for any of them to get to work. Michael led me through the castle towards the throne room. It was the same route we took on my first day here, only this time, I had a sneaking suspicion that it was about to be my last. Stopping in front of the door, Michael announced our presence and waited for the angels inside to open the doors for us. I’ve been in the throne room a small handful of times since my first day. Today, however, the atmosphere felt a little off. Normally, one would feel a sense of dread walking into this room, as it usually meant punishment. All ceremonies took place in the garden, the throne room being deemed as an unofficial courtroom. Today the atmosphere felt almost, denser than usual. Michael and I made our way towards the throne and kneeled before Father.

“Rise”

Both of us responded with a “Thank you Father” as we stood. God turned to face me.

“I apologize for calling for you this late. I do hope I didn’t wake you.”

“Not to worry Father, I was actually up finishing this week's work when Michael came to get me. If I may ask, why did you want to see me?”

“I called you to make an offer. I have observed how you ran the council this past millennium. I’ve seen your leadership and your dedication to your job. I’d like to offer you a permanent spot on the council.”

“Father, I’m sure-”

“I’m well aware of our initial deal. Bear in mind that this will not impede on your ability to see the Sins again. As head of the council, it will be your job to oversee business in the Devildom as Michael had been while you were here. You will be able to travel between the realms for business and visit the brothers while you’re there.”

“But I’d have to return and continue serving you, won’t I?”

“That is correct. You are a unique individual Y/N. You are a human with the blood of a fallen, you accepted the demons and was still elevated to the Celestial realm. As such, you have experience from all three realms. This is a powerful tool to have.”

“For you. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I am not interested in staying, nor am I interested in allowing you access to this “tool” as you so crudely labelled my experience. I made it abundantly clear that I serve you under the condition that I return once Lord Diavolo has been crowned. As the Father of the Celestials, I expect that your promises would be kept. Unless that is your telling me I’d have more luck trusting a demon if I wanted promises kept?”

“Y/N! While you’re here, you still serve Father. You cannot speak to him like that!”

“I’m not wrong though am I? If that is all, I’d like to get some rest before reporting in. Good evening, or should I say morning?” I didn’t wait for a response as I bowed to Father and walked out of the throne room without so much of a glance back.

“I apologize Father. I will see that they don’t speak that way to you again.”

“That’s quite alright Michael.”

“Father?”

“I find it to be one of their more enduring qualities. They don’t take anything from anyone, regardless of their position. It’s a valuable trait to have, if used correctly.”

“Father, you weren’t really going to cement their position as the leader of the council, were you?”

“No, I knew they wouldn’t have agreed anyway. I wanted to test them. By offering the position permanently, they would have gained an abundance of power and authority.”

“Instead they turned it down to be with Samael and his brothers. I still don’t understand what they see in them.”

“It would be wise to re-think your opinion on Lucifer and his family. Contrary to what you think, they haven’t changed much. If you looked at it from an outsider's perspective, perhaps you’ll find that they’re still very much angelic.”

“Are you seriously telling me that with a straight face? I appreciate your suggestion Father, however, I highly doubt my opinion on them could change.”

“I am not telling you to change your thoughts about them overnight.” Standing up God stepped down and put a firm hand on Michael’s shoulder.

“I’m just reminding you that Pride is a sin.” God exited the throne room towards his personal chambers leaving a perplexed Michael standing in the throne room.

“I’m not prideful.” Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was wrong.

~3 Months Later~

“That is all for today. Does anyone else have anything that needs to be brought to attention before we leave?” I looked around the council table and took note of Azrael's continued absence. The angel of death was called for a quick meeting with God before the start of this meeting and had yet to return.

“Alright then. This meeting is adjourned. If anyone has anything they’d like to drop off, I’ll be working by the fountain." The council of 7 stood and started chatting amongst themselves as I packed up and left. A few weeks into leading the council, I found that much like the Devildom, I couldn’t find much peace anywhere indoors. As such, I turned to the gardens, in particular, the stone fountain. It reminded me of the one in my old village square back on earth and found a sense of peace here. I’m guessing the other angels got the hint of me needing some peace and quiet to complete my work as I’ve never been disturbed while I worked here. Anywhere else though, and it’s anyone’s game.

About halfway through my work, I decided it was a good time to take a break and get something to eat. Making my way to the makeshift kitchen area in the council building, I passed by Azrael and Michael conversing with each other. We exchanged some polite hello’s when something Azrael said caught my attention.

“I apologize for not making the meeting. There was an issue with a soul’s candle that was fluctuating that I had to deal with.”

“Fluctuating? I was under the impression that a soul’s candle can only slowly burn until the soul’s time runs out and the candle burns out or someone snuffs them out. How can a candle fluctuate?”

“It’s more like the candle was shifting, evolving. The flame itself is fine but the stick itself was changing. You see, the flame is just that, a flame that will never burn out until its designated time, or if as you put it, someone snuffs it out. It’s the stick that holds most of the magic. The type of wax used identifies the soul, its nature, and where it’s destined. Only angels of death, or reapers, can tamper with the stick and alter it, however, it seems this stick is changing itself without outside interference from myself or another reaper.”

“The stick is evolving on its own and this is a cause for concern because this type of thing shouldn’t be possible and has never happened before?”

“Essentially.”

“What did you do about it?”

“For now, nothing. We’ve tried manually altering it ourselves but it keeps rejecting the change. I have a junior reaper watching it now. He’ll update me if anything changes. That is all I can tell you for now.”

“That understandable, thank you for sharing anyway. Good luck with the candle.” At that, my stomach rumbled.

“Go enjoy your lunch” Azrael replied, walking away with Michael.

“Why did you tell them all of that?” Michael demanded of Azrael.

“They have a right to know. Besides nothing would be gained by hiding it from them. It’s best they are aware of the situation.”

“That’s not your call to make Az.” Michael responded angrily as he stopped. Azrael turned to face him, a calm mask slipped on.

“Yes, it is Michael. It’s my call as the leader of the reapers and the overseer of their candle. What isn’t right is how you keep insisting that they be left in the dark, blissfully ignorant. Despite what you may think, they are a bright soul and have brought much light with them, even to the brothers. I understand why you feel about them the way you do, but times have changed. They have changed, and so have the rest of us. Everyone but you. It’s time you change too before you do something you’ll regret.” With that, Azrael left, leaving Michael standing there thinking about what the reaper had said and thought back to what their Father had said 3 months ago. Threading his fingers in his hair, he made his way to his office, hoping to distract himself from these thoughts with some extra work.

~7 Years later~

“Y/N'' I woke up realizing that I fell asleep at my desk again. Looking up, I saw Uriel looking down at me. His hand on my right shoulder shaking me awake.

“Father would like to see you. Go get dressed please. I’ll be waiting outside.” Uriel left, closing the door behind him. I leaned back thinking about why God would want to see me, especially this early in the morning.

Not wanting to Uriel waiting for too long, I tidied up the papers at my desk, and sleepily made my way to the bathroom to take a quick shower and get ready. Once I finished, Uriel and I set out except this time, instead of heading to the palace, we headed for the gates.

When we arrived, I found that the rest of the council including Azreal and Simeon were already there and waiting for us. We landed and bowed our respects towards Father. Uriel joined the council in a semi-circle behind God.

“Y/N, as I’m sure you realized, the time has come for you to return to the Devildom. I offer you one last chance to stay here. You should know that once an angel falls, they’re not allowed back. Y/N, if you through with this, you will be cast out from the Celestial realm. Are you ready to make that sacrifice?” Looking to the council standing behind God. I recalled the past millennia I spent with them. While I tried to keep a professional relationship with them, they ended up growing on me and we became a little family of our own. I realized that I was going to end up missing them. None of that matters though, not anymore. I’m finally going home, to my real family. To the brothers. Ignoring God, I addressed the angels gathered behind him.

“Thank you, all of you. Despite our differences, you all still accepted me and let me into this little family of yours. I’ll be sure to remember all you’ve done for me and I hope we could meet again someday. Oh and Mike.” Michael looked at me, surprised that I singled him out. “You don’t belong down there. Don’t forget that.” I turned back to God giving him my answer.

“Yes, I am willing.” Giving me a nod of affirmation, God addressed me for the last time.

“Y/N, Virtue of Loyalty and former leader of the virtues.  I hereby strip you of your angelic status and cast you out into the Devildom for the sin of misplaced loyalty.” I faced the edge, ready to jump when I realized I had forgotten something. Turning around, I looked God straight in the eyes and threw the strongest right hook I had ever thrown in my life before jumping backwards, tucking in my wings and closing my eyes. A content sigh leaving my lips as I let the darkness engulf me whole.

I’m coming guys. Wait up for me

[dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade]

Reunion

Request: HERE  A/N: UPLOADING IT AGAIN BC I FORGOT TO TAG IT SORRY Soo it’s been what, one year, since I last posted a fic here? I’m kind of rusty ngl but nevertheless, it felt comforting to write something like this :) As usual, critiques and comments are welcome  Word count: 1.7 K+ Warnings: none

To be added - or removed - from the taglist, please DM me or leave me an ask!

GIF credit goes to @edgeofgreta; the original post is HERE

You walked into the apartment and set the two groceries-filled shopping bags onto the laminated floor. You kicked off your shoes and carried the bags into the open kitchen, placing them on the counter. With boredom, you took out every single item and placed them in their designated spaces. With the same growing boredom, you made your way back into the living room and threw yourself on the navy-blue sofa with your head sinking in one of the biggest pillows.

You pick up your phone and look at the screen – specifically, at the lockscreen wallpaper, which was a photo of you and Jake. Josh had taken that photo on one of the getaways you made together. Jake had on a beige shirt with his top four buttons undone – in other words, only with his lower two buttons done – and his favorite black hat. He was standing up tall, a wide smile on his face, and you were leaning against him, with your head placed on his right shoulder. You smiled and unlocked your phone, then opened the messages app and texted Jake.

I miss you :( Why does tour have to last this long?

Underneath the blue message bubble appeared the notification that the message had been read, then three typing dots appeared on Jake’s end.

I miss you too, honey. I can’t wait to get home and see you.

You begin to type.

Can we facetime later?

The answer came shortly.

Sorry, but tonight we have a gig. Tomorrow, too… We’re having practice now. Josh has again too much energy and needs to drain it a little bit before going onstage. Got to go now :( Love you

You typed back a formal luck-wishing message and threw the phone on the coffee table in front of the sofa. You were bored out of your mind and in the mood to do nothing whatsoever. Jake had been gone for almost three months now. You understood that it was his job and those were the terms and conditions you agreed to when you started dating him, but you didn’t figure at the time that separation would feel like that. It was safe to say that from time to time you missed him so much it hurt you.

You curled into a fetal position and turned on the TV. Flicking through the channels, you stopped at MTV. Highway Tune just began to play. Your heart grew at the sight of the boys and especially at the sight of Jake. You were so proud of them for getting that far and the mere thought that there actually is a far longer way for them to go made your heart beat in exhilaration. As the last notes of the song echoed through the room, you closed your eyes, pleased that you had seen the band on TV again.

You woke up from the “nap” way too late – it was 1 AM when you opened your eyes – so you moved from the living room to the bedroom. You didn’t bother changing your clothes and you just got underneath the blankets covering the double bed. Before falling asleep again, you looked over at the empty space next to you and you caressed the sheets, wishing that Jake would be there.

The new morning brought along a new day, but unfortunately, the base routine was the same: breakfast, staying in bed for way longer than you should’ve, going outside for some more groceries, flipping through magazines, watching TV, texting – or at least trying to text – Jake. The difference was that today, you called in sick for work and decided to do something fun.

After calling multiple of your friends, asking if they were free to go shopping with you, you finally let yourself defeated and decided you’d visit some shops on your own.

While you were at the bookshop – the one you frequently visited with Jake – you found a puzzle which, put together, should create a 3D globe with multiple images from the Renaissance era. You figured that Jake would find that puzzle at least as intriguing as you did. I could start putting together a welcome-home gift for Jake, you grinned as the thought crossed your mind. You picked the puzzle box off the shelf and walked around the bookshop with it. You stopped in front of the vinyl-filled boxes and you began browsing through them. Jake had a ridiculously large vinyl collection, but you listened to it together so many times that you almost knew every record by heart.

After way too much time spent pondering which records to get, you finally settled for The Doors’ Morrison Hotel and T-Rex’s Electric Warrior. On your way to the register, you stopped by the wine-for-special-occasions section and picked up a bottle.

With your heart filled with excitement, you came back home and called out. “Jake, I’m –,” but you stopped as you remembered that he wasn’t actually home. You slowly let the paper bag containing the puzzle, the wine bottle and the two records on the ground as you locked the door. Before unpacking, you checked your phone. No notifications from Jake. You felt your heart lightly twitch. You couldn’t blame Jake: he was just busy and most likely tired.

You took out the new acquisitions and arranged them on the low coffee table and smiled at the thought of Jake coming in through the front door.

You were tired, so you quickly did your night routine and you got into bed. Once you were in bed though, you couldn’t fall asleep. You just kept tossing back and forth, unable to find a comfortable position. Unannouncedly and unexpectedly, tears welled up in your eyes as you laid there, alone, facing the empty space to your left. You didn’t fight the tears back; you were alone in the darkness, there was no one who could see you. You just missed Jake so much. You missed the smell of his cologne imprinted even in his pajamas. You missed his laughter that managed to make you laugh all the time and you missed those moments when you’d both begin to laugh hysterically and you’d laugh at Jake’s laugh and he’d laugh at yours, and you both laughed so much that you forgot what started it in the first place. You missed his random moments of dancing around the house and you missed his complaints mostly aimed at Josh. As the memories reeled in the back of your mind, your sobs got more frequent. Thinking of it, three months didn’t sound like such a long time, but in reality, time is tricky. Three months can easily feel like three hours and just as easy can feel like three years. For you, it felt like three decades. You mindlessly grabbed Jake’s pillow and hugged it tightly to your chest, wishing it would be Jake instead of just a pillow.

As a new day dawned, you shuffled in your sleep and hugged the pillow again. You didn’t want to wake up just yet.

“Wakey, wakey,” a voice said from somewhere behind you, almost through a dream.

“Five more minutes,” you groaned, unwilling to open your eyes. You paused then and held your breath.

“You’re gonna be late for work,” the voice spoke again and a warm finger traced your side.

You jumped almost instantly. “Jake!” you shouted and collapsed over him, your arms circling his shoulders. You buried your face in the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply – that faint smell of freshly squeezed lemons, mint and cigarettes. His arms circled your waist and you both fell onto the bed. “God, I missed you so much,” you whisper.

“I missed you too… I am so happy to be back home,” he said and hugged you tighter.

Time stood still for you. You were in your happy place and nothing could get you away from there. You pulled away and looked at Jake. You ran your index fingers on both sides of his face and then cupped his face in your hands. Jake didn’t break eye contact with you not even for a second. He softly leaned into your right hand and with his right hand, he took your free one and brought it up to his lips, leaving a kiss on it. “Come here,” he whispered and smiled at you, as his hand made its way up to your cheek, slowly guiding you in towards his lips. You closed your eyes and slightly tilted your head to the side, anticipation growing in your stomach. His lips on yours felt so soft, so satin-like and sweet. You couldn’t get enough of this feeling. As an instinctive gesture, you brought your hand up to Jake’s face and let your fingers roam over his soft skin until they mindlessly tangled into his hair. Jake chuckled in-between needier and needier kisses, “More to come later.” He softly pulled away and rested his forehead against yours. “Next time, you’ll quit your job and come with me on tour.”

“Definitely,” you giggle, already picturing it in your mind. City after city, state after state – and you’d be there to see it all. “Jakey,” you say and pout a little.

“Yes, I will cuddle with you,” he nodded his head before you even got the occasion to ask the question. You break out in laughter and fall into the bed which, now that Jake was home, was even more comfortable.

You snaked your arms around Jake’s torso and pulled yourself closer to him. Jake pulled the blanket over the two of you in one swift move and wrapped his arms around your shoulders. “I’m never letting you go,” you whisper and cuddle closer to his chest.

“Please never do,” he answered and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Did one of the boys tell you by any chance that we’re coming back early?”

“No, why?”

“Oh, that’s good. I wanted it to be a surprise,” he spoke lowly. “I saw you had some wine in the kitchen.”

You giggled. “It’s for us, for when you would come home.”

“I am home now,” Jake raised an eyebrow.

“I’m calling in sick again,” you announced and Jake’s laugh echoed through the room.

“That’s my girl.”

Tags: @myownparadise96, @satans-helper, @littlegeekwonder, @songbirdkisses, @angelstraightfr0mhell, @freeeshavacadoo, @safari-karrot​, @mountainofthesunn​, @bigthighsandstupidguys​, @starshinekiszka

[justallamaimaginingthings]

Angel {Klaus Hargreeves x Reader}

A/n: I SWEAR this started with the pure intention of fluffiness. My hand slipped, I guess *wink*. Btw, even though this is the original version, I’d be more than happy to change it up a little so it can become gender neutral or about a male reader if anyone’s interested, so don’t hesitate to message me about it. Enjoy 💘💘

Warnings: Slight smut 

Words: 1990ish  II  TUA Masterlist

Walking down the street, Y/n couldn’t help leaning closer to Klaus so that their shoulders were touching as he placed and arm around her waist, enjoying the feeling of finally having her by his side. After a whole year without any sign of her or anyone else, he had almost given up all hope of ever seeing her again, unaware that for the first time life was on his side. And here they were, walking together back to the place Klaus had come to call home.

"So is your cult going to be there?" She asked teasingly making him roll his eyes at her.

"For the last time, it's not that much of a cult really, more of a spiritual community" He defended himself but still he was unable to hold back a chuckle upon seeing the incredulous look she was giving him.

"Allison said it's a cult and I believe her" She insisted

"You'd take Allison's word over mine? I'm hurt, love" He replied, making an exaggerated motion of placing a hand over his heart like he was in physical pain. If there was one word she could use to describe Klaus that was extra. However, she had come to love his quirky, overly dramatic reactions just as much as she loved him and she simply adored teasing him. No matter how much he pretended to be annoyed, Klaus wouldn’t change their little fake fights for the world. Every time he made her laugh he could feel his chest swelling with pride and her smile was all the reward he needed, making his heart skip a bit and his heart flood with affection.

To say she had missed her would be an understatement. There hadn’t been a single day during the last three years that he hadn’t thought about her. Mornings were the worst and everyday he'd find himself instinctively reach for her across the bed only to be met by empty sheets as the weight on his chest returned to crush him. Sometimes he would dream of her, dream of holding her and kissing her senseless or making love to her until dawn before they fell asleep in each other's arms. Those mornings it became even more difficult for him to carry on, sobriety only adding to his struggles, but somehow he managed to pull through and it was worth it.

"What if I find a way to make it up to you later?" She asked in a suggestive tone as she turned around so that she stood right in front of him, right before lacing her hands around his shoulders. Her fingers found his curly locks and gently brushed through them, eliciting a satisfied hum from his lips. He wrapped both arms around her waist, pulling her closer as his grip on her tightened, the thought about what was to follow already having an effect on him.

"I'm really offended, I doubt there's any way to get passed that" He played along but the breathlessness of his tone gave him away. She smirked at him right before checking around for other passengers, but luckily the small street was completely empty and the last rays of sunshine left little to no light to reach the alley. She took a step forward causing him to move backwards until he was leaning against the wall and pulling her with him.

The moment her lips made contact with his jaw, he knew he was done for. She started leaving soft kisses that turned more intense as she made her way down the column of his neck, gently nipping and sucking on the sensitive skin. Klaus tried -and failed- to hold back a moan when she gently bit down on his collarbone and she smirked, loving the way his body seemed to respond even to the lightest touch. Leaning back to look at him, her breath caught in her throat. He looked positively wrecked, face flushed, pupils dilated and lips parted in desire.

"I'll think of something" She whispered and he could feel her lips brush against his, sending a shiver down his spine. The loose shirt he was wearing allowed her fingers to roam around his chest while his hands moved from her waist to the small of her back and ended up gripping her hips so tightly it would leave a bruise. He leaned in for another kiss, channeling all his feelings into it and it was her turn to sigh when he licked her bottom lip as if asking for permission which she happily granted. He tangled his hand in her hair as their tongues fought for dominance. Slowly, her hand made its way down to the front of his pants, palming his straining erection.

"Love, if you keep this up we won’t make it back home" He whispered hoarsely wrapping his hand around her wrist. Truth was it would be far from the first time they'd get it on in a public space and both of them clearly enjoyed the thrill of perhaps getting caught, but that time was different. They had gotten back together two days ago, after spending three years apart. Klaus wanted to show her just how much he'd missed her during that time and a quickie in a dark alley was no way to do that, no matter how bad he wanted her. He didn’t have to say another word; she could tell what he was thinking from the look her was giving her.

Instead of replying, she placed a soft kiss on his lips before taking hold of his hand and lacing their fingers together. "Lead the way, then" She told him, an affectionate smile gracing her features and for yet another time Klaus wondered how he had gotten so lucky. He had to put on an effort not to get carried away once again, before he pushed himself off the wall and continued walking. They made their way towards the mansion, exchanging funny stories from the time they spent away from each other and laughing. By the time they reached their destination, the sun had set and night had fallen.

"Welcome home" Klaus declared as they turned down the last corner. Her eyes blew wide in surprise caused by the awe inspiring sight in front of her. The large garden was filled with all types of lanterns and lamps making it look almost magical, while a crowd of people, the cult's members she assumed, was marching around doing this and that. In the centre of the garden laid a huge white building accompanied by what appeared to be an equally huge pool.

"You live here?" She exclaimed turning to look at Klaus who couldn’t hide his amusement at her shocked reaction. "How??"

"Well, you know… Dicks, drugs, debutantes, my holy trinity" He replied casually making her laugh and playfully hit his arm.

"It’s beautiful" She noted in a more serious tone.

"Yeah" He agreed and if she wasn't so preoccupied by her surroundings, she would have noticed him staring at her with an expression of pure admiration. The way the light hit her face made her features pop out and he could easily lose himself in her sparkling eyes. He was about to say something when a group of his followers who were passing right in front of them suddenly stopped having seemingly frozen on their tracks. They looked at her with a shocked expression before falling on their knees and bowing down. It even took Klaus a moment to realize what was happening while the cult members spoke in one voice.

"But what is the use of trying when all you get is pain? When I wanted sunshine, I got rain and then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer without a trace of doubt in my mind" They chanted and she swore she had heard those words before. Realizing they were all looking at her in complete awe and a little bit of fear she turned to him for explanation.

"Klaus, I didn’t expect to say that in my life but why is your cult reciting Smash Mouth at me?" She asked with visible confusion.

"Yeah, well you see…" He tumbled over his words, avoiding looking at her as if he was embarrassed by what was going on "I may have told them you’re an angel send from heaven" He said in one breath, thankful for the fact that the poor lighting helped cover his blushing face.

"They think I'm a what now?" She repeated, thinking she must have heard something wrong, even though with Klaus nothing was too farfetched.

"An angel" He repeated quietly. She didn't have enough time to react to this revelation because a member of the group hesitantly spoke up.

"Prophet does the arrival of heaven's angel mean the apocalypse is prevented?" A bald man around his 30s asked in a small voice, afraid to interrupt the conversation of what he believed were two god blessed celestial beings.

"What?" Both Y/n and Klaus asked at the same time, almost having forgotten they were in the presence of others.

"Will we be brought eternal peace?"

"Is this the end of all wars?"

"Can you give us some advice from heavens?" 

Questions kept flowing and soon the voices all blended together in an incomprehensible noise. Klaus took her hand and started running towards his room in a futile attempt to escape the increasingly large crowd only for it to chase them down the garden. When they reached the door, he shot her a helpless look and she couldn’t help rolling her eyes at him and the mess he had created.

"I'm sure you all have many questions, but the Prophet needs to medicate before he can bring you the enlightenment you seek" She said in the best authoritative voice she could muster, surprised by the fact that by the time she was done talking the crowd had already started to disperse seemingly having listened to her.

Turning around, she followed Klaus into the room, closing the door behind her so that the two of them could actually get some much needed privacy. She was about to ask him how he managed to control all those people, but didn’t even have a chance to talk because by the moment the door was shut close he had pushed her against the wall and captured her lips in a sweet passionate kiss. His thumb softly caressed her cheekbone and she melted under his touch. The way his lips moved against hers, drinking her in as if she's air and he's drowning, was enough to drive her crazy and a whine of complaint escaped her when he pulled away much too soon for her liking.

"Now, now love, I believe some making up was promised" He said in a husky tone that made her heart skip a bit. There were no words to describe how much he had missed her or how deep his affections ran but frankly he didn’t have to talk. He could just show her and show her he did. The two lovers spent the rest of the night under the sheets, making up for the lost time while the room filled with the sound of moans and muffled whispers. The morning found them curled up in each other's arms, exchanging loving words and soft caresses and for the first time in a long while everything was okay.

[rockbell1003]

Cuddles

A new Mallory and Kaito fic! I’ve been working on this installment on and off for a few months, not entirely happy with it but I thought what I ended up with was cute. So here we are!  As always I hope you enjoy reading about Mal and Kai and feel free to message or send me asks if you wanna know more about them :)

I was surprised when it happened. 

Kai had invited me over for dinner, an anime that he was cast in got picked up by a cable channel and we were going to live-tweet during the episode. I took a nervous breath before I knocked on his door, this would be the second time I’ve been to his apartment. The first being the night when I drove him home from the bar and wrote my number on his forehead before leaving. We had gone out a few times after that and we saw each other at work, but this would be our first ‘home date’. Right as my knuckles rapped against the door, it swung open revealing Kaito. He was dressed nice, jeans and a flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up to expose his arms, his hair was brushed back revealing his forehead and to my secret pleasure, his nose seemed a little pink.

“Hi,” he said, smiling before opening the door wider, “come on in,” 

I smiled back and entered, “hi,” I replied, still feeling a bit nervous and awkward, I walked further into his apartment, stopping to set my purse down by his coffee table. 

“Your place is really nice,” I said, turning back to him. 

Kaito shrugged and made his way towards me, “thanks, make yourself at home. Do you want anything to drink?” he asked as he made his way to the kitchen. 

“Sure,” I replied following him, “could I have water?” I asked as we reached the kitchen, it was small and sparse as if he didn’t use it often.

Kai nodded, “is tap alright?” he asked as he grabbed a glass from one of his cabinets.

“Yep!” I replied, my attention caught on the oven and the smoke that started to come out of it.

 “Kai, were you cooking something in the oven?” I asked worriedly, reaching for an oven mitt. 

“Shit!” he exclaimed behind me but I was too focused on removing what looked like some sort of casserole out of the oven. I set the now burnt dish on top of the stove and turned off the oven before turning back to Kai who was holding my glass of water and looking extremely embarrassed. 

I couldn’t help but giggle, “not much of a cook are you?”

Kai sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, “no,”

“When you invited me over for dinner I asked if you wanted me to bring anything,” I smiled, “but what is it you said?” I paused and brought my hand up to my face in a thinking position, “ah! I remember now, ‘no don’t worry about it, I can cook dinner.’”

 I smiled at Kai who was now frowning. Worried that I took my teasing too far I stepped closer, “I’m just teasing, I’m not upset, if anything,” I took the glass of water out of his hands and set it on the counter, “it’s actually endearing that you can’t cook.” I smiled and gently,  in what I hoped was cute or flirty action tapped his pink nose. 

Almost immediately Kai turned away and raised his arm up, “heeISHOO..uh,” 

“Bless you,” I replied as I watched him succumb to another sneeze into his elbow, “sorry,” I added a bit sheepishly. 

Kai raised his head and scrunched his nose as if he was a rabbit, “why are you apologizing?” 

I shook my head, “nevermind,” I glanced back at what was supposed to be our dinner, “how ‘bout I cook dinner?” I smiled. 

Kai rubbed his nose with his fist, turned to me and looked almost embarrassed, “I’m not sure what I have-” he trailed off. 

I shrugged, “why don’t we take a look.” I began opening the cabinet right across from me, it was empty minus a colander and two pots. I closed it and moved onto the next cabinet which was much like the first, bare with only a few essentials. I turned back to Kai, “you really don’t cook much do you?” 

He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, “not really no,” he paused to sniffle and subconsciously rubbed his nose with a finger, “I’m ashamed to admit that I tend to get take out on my way home from work.” 

Finally, I opened a cabinet that contained food, “no shame in that.” 

I paused as I took in all that he had, boxes of mac and cheese, ramen, and a variety of other snack-like food. “When I first moved in with Mia all she ate was take out,” I snagged a box of mac and cheese and moved on to his freezer. 

“I just really love cooking and baking, it might be weird but I find it fun,” I opened the door and scanned his frozen food collection until I found what I was looking for. 

“Cooking is just a skill I do..huh..snf..n’t seem to hih..huh..poh...poh..hah-SHIEEWW...ugh,” I glance behind me to see Kai’s face buried back into his elbow.

“Bless you!” I exclaim. 

“Snf….sdf...ugh, exguse be,” Kai replied, “Cand you had be a dissue? Nexd do you.” 

I turned back to the counter and saw a box of kleenex next to his salt and pepper shakers, grabbing a few I handed them over. 

“Thangks,” he smiled at me before turning away and blowing his nose. 

“It’s no problem!” I smiled, really no problem at all. “Also how does mac and cheese and chicken nuggets sound for dinner?” I asked, holding up the goodies I found. 

Kai glanced at me his hands scrubbing his nose with the tissues, “are you sure?” he asked lowering the tissues and exposing an irritated pink nose, “we can order-” 

“What are you talking about?” I interrupted, “mac and cheese and chicken nuggets are the food of champions,” I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Now if you had dino nuggies then we’d have the food of the gods but,” I smiled at him, “guess we just gotta make do.” 

Kai laughed, “Then I’ll just have to make sure I have dino nuggies next time.” 

I felt a warmth in my chest, next time! There’s gonna be a next time! “Sounds like a plan. Now hand me a pot.” 

**

“HePSHOO..ihh-HIXTCH-uh..sngk”

I looked over at Kai as he set his dinner down onto his coffee table and reached for his tissue box, “bless you.”

Kai crumpled the tissues into his hand and picked up his bowl of mac and cheese, “thanks.” 

“Are you alright?” I asked, taking a bite of my chicken nugget. Kai had progressively gotten sneezier and not that I’m complaining but I was starting to get worried. 

He sniffled and scrunched his nose, “I’m fine,” 

“Are you sure?” I asked. 

Kai took one look at my face and smiled, “I’m sure,” he reached over and poked my forehead, “but thank you for being worried.” 

I turned to look at my bowl, “of course I’m worried about you, I-” really like you, I shoveled my last bit of food into my mouth to muffle the last bit of what I said and set my bowl down. I glanced over at Kai who was watching me with a smile and I felt my face flush. His smile only grew bigger and he reached over to take my plate.

“I’m going to put these away, can you turn on the show? It’ll start soon.” 

I nodded and snagged his remote while Kai took my bowl as well as his own and walked into his kitchen. 

“HEPCHOO...heh..hih..giTCH-uh” he sneezed from the kitchen. 

“Bless you!” I called out from my spot on his couch, scrolling through the channels until I found the station I was looking for. 

“Thangk you!” Kai called back, his voice sounding congested.  He made his way back and sat down next to me, grabbing another tissue from the box on his coffee table. He brought it up to dab at his nose, keeping it crumpled in his fist. 

The show had begun playing on the television and Kai had taken out his phone, already tweeting out reactions and replying to fan tweets. My full attention however, was on Kai. The way he would subconsciously bring up the crumpled tissue and dab under his nose, or how after he sniffled, his nose would scrunch up, as if ensuring he chased away a tickle. 

“huh...hih..hepTCHuh,”

“Bless you!” I exclaimed, nervously turning my attention to the show we were supposed to be watching. I hoped that he hadn’t noticed that I was staring. 

With a wet sniffle Kai reached forward to the coffee table to grab another tissue, “thangk you, agaid.” He smiled at me. 

I felt my face heat up, “you’re welcome.”

 I was curious if he was suffering from allergies or a cold, but didn’t want to say anything. He had already said that he was fine and I didn’t really wanna push the issue. Kai blew his nose and the two of us fell into a comfortable silence as we watched the show. Kai sat relaxed in the corner of his couch, one hand holding his phone while the other rested on the back of the couch. I sat next to him with enough room that we weren’t quite touching. 

Kai’s character on the show was just about to learn a new power when I felt his touch. I froze and turned my gaze back to him. I watched as he moved my legs so they draped across his lap. I was too shocked to say a word and Kai was completely absorbed in the show, his eyes never leaving the screen as his fingers grazed against my legs. His touch was warm and comforting, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. Just as much as I was surprised that he seemed to be touching me subconsciously. Kaito Scott did not seem like a cuddler. So I just watched him. Watched as his expressions changed depending on what happened in the episode, as his hands changed from rubbing my legs in a comforting motion, rising up to rub his irritated nose, or resting warm and still on my shins that lay in his lap. 

I bit my lips as a smile made its way onto my face, as I gazed at the man next to me. I already knew it would be inevitable, but damn I was falling for him, hard.

[hexalt]

CW for discussion of suicide

- She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - What? No, I'm not. - She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - That's a sexist term! - She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - Can you guys stop singing for just a second? - She's so broken insiiiiiide! - The situation's a lot more nuanced than that!

There’s the essay! You get it now. JK.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the culmination of Rachel Bloom’s YouTube channel (and the song “Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury” in particular where she combined her lifelong obsession with musical theatre and sketch comedy and Aline Brosh McKenna stumbling onto Bloom’s channel one night while having an idea for a television show that subverted the tropes in scripts she’d been writing like The Devil Wears Prada and 27 Dresses.

The show begins with a flashback to teenage Rebecca Bunch (played by Bloom) at summer camp performing in South Pacific. She leaves summer camp gushing about the performance, holding hands with the guy she spent all summer with, Josh Chan. He says it was fun for the time, but it’s time to get back to real life. We flash forward to the present in New York, Rebecca’s world muted in greys and blues with clothing as conservative as her hair.

She’s become a top tier lawyer, a career that she doesn’t enjoy but was pushed into by her overprotective, controlling mother. She’s just found out she’s being promoted to junior partner, and that’s just objectively, on paper fantastic, right?! ...So why isn’t she happy? She goes out onto the streets in the midst of a panic attack, spilling her pills all over the ground, and suddenly sees an ad for butter asking, “When was the last time you were truly happy?” A literal arrow and beam of sunlight then point to none other than Josh Chan. She strikes up a conversation with him where he tells her he’s been trying to make it in New York but doesn’t like it, so he’s moving back to his hometown, West Covina, California, where everyone is just...happy.

The word echoes in her mind, and she absorbs it like a pill. She decides to break free of the hold others have had over her life and turns down the promotion of her mother’s dreams. I didn’t realize the show was a musical when I started it, and it’s at this point that Rebecca is breaking out into its first song, “West Covina”. It’s a parody of the extravagant, classic Broadway numbers filled with a children’s marching band whose funding gets cut, locals joining Rebecca in synchronized song and dance, and finishing with her being lifted into the sky while sitting on a giant pretzel. This was the moment I realized there was something special here.

With this introduction, the stage has been set for the premise of the show. Each season was planned with an overall theme. Season one is all about denial, season two is about being obsessed with love and losing yourself in it, season three is about the spiral and hitting rock bottom, and season four is about renewal and starting from scratch. You can see this from how the theme songs change every year, each being the musical thesis for that season.

We start the show with a bunch of cliché characters: the crazy ex-girlfriend; her quirky sidekick; the hot love interest; his bitchy girlfriend; and his sarcastic best friend who’s clearly a much better match for the heroine. The magic of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is that no one in West Covina is the sum of their tropes. As Rachel says herself, “People aren’t badly written, people are made of specificities.”

The show is revolutionary for the authenticity with which it explores various topics but for the sake of this piece, we’ll discuss mental health, gender, Jewish identity, and sexuality. All topics that Bloom has dug into in her previous works but none better than here.

Simply from the title, many may be put off, but this is a story that has always been about deconstructing stereotypes. Rather than being called The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, where the story would be from an outsider’s perspective, this story is from that woman’s point of view because the point isn’t to demonize Rebecca, it’s to understand her. Even if you hate her for all the awful things she’s doing.

The musical numbers are shown to be in Rebecca’s imagination, and she tells us they’re how she processes the world, but as she starts healing in the final season, she isn’t the lead singer so often anymore and other characters get to have their own problems and starring roles. When she does have a song, it’s because she’s backsliding into her former patterns.

While a lot of media will have characters that seem to have some sort of vague disorder, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend goes a step further and actually diagnoses Rebecca with Borderline Personality Disorder, while giving her an earnest, soaring anthem. She’s excited and relieved to finally have words for what’s plagued her whole life.

When diagnosing Rebecca, the show’s team consulted with doctors and psychiatrists to give her a proper diagnosis that ended up resonating with many who share it. BPD is a demonized and misunderstood disorder, and I’ve heard that for many, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the first honest and kind depiction they’ve seen of it in media. Where the taboo of mental illness often leads people to not get any help, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend says there is freedom and healing in identifying and sharing these parts of yourself with others.

Media often uses suicide for comedy or romanticizes it, but Crazy Ex-Girlfriend explored what’s going through someone’s mind to reach that bottomless pit. Its climactic episode is written by Jack Dolgen (Bloom’s long-time musical collaborator, co-songwriter and writer for the show) who’s dealt with suicidal ideation. Many misunderstood suicide as the person simply wanting to die for no reason, but Rebecca tells her best friend, “I didn’t even want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. It’s like I was out of stories to tell myself that things would be okay.”

Bloom has never shied away from heavy topics. The show discusses in song the horrors of what women do to their bodies and self-esteem to conform to beauty standards, the contradiction of girl power songs that tell you to “Put Yourself First” but make sure you look good for men while doing it, and the importance of women bonding over how terrible straight men are are near and dear to her heart. This is a show that centers marginalized women, pokes fun at the misogyny they go through, and ultimately tells us the love story we thought was going to happen wasn’t between a woman and some guy but between her and her best friend.

I probably haven’t watched enough Jewish TV or film, but to me, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the most unapologetic and relatable Jewish portrayal I’ve seen overall. From Rebecca’s relationship with her toxic, controlling mother (if anyone ever wants to know what my mother’s like, I send them “Where’s the Bathroom”) to Patti Lupone’s Rabbi Shari answering a Rebecca that doesn’t believe in God, “Always questioning! That is the true spirit of the Jewish people,” the Jewish voices behind the show are clear.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend continues to challenge our perceptions when a middle-aged man with an ex-wife and daughter realizes he’s bisexual and comes out in a Huey Lewis saxophone reverie. The hyper-feminine mean girl breaks up with her boyfriend and realizes the reason she was so obsessed with getting him to commit to her is the same reason she’s so scared to have female friends. She was suffering under the weight of compulsory heterosexuality, but thanks to Rebecca, she eventually finds love and friendship with women.

This thread is woven throughout the show. Many of the characters tell Rebecca when she’s at her lowest of how their lives would’ve never changed for the better if it wasn’t for her. She was a tornado that blew through West Covina, but instead of leaving destruction in her wake, she blew apart their façades, forcing true introspection into what made them happy too.

Rebecca’s story is that of a woman who felt hopeless, who felt no love or happiness in her life, when that’s all she’s ever wanted. She tried desperately to fill that void through validation from her parents and random men, things romantic comedies had taught her matter most but came up empty. She tried on a multitude of identities through the musical numbers in her mind, seeing herself as the hero and villain of the story, and eventually realized she’s neither because life doesn’t make narrative sense.

It takes her a long time but eventually she sees that all the things she thought would solve her problems can’t actually bring her happiness. What does is the real family she finds in West Covina, the town she moved to on a whim, and finally having agency over herself to use her own voice and tell her story through music.

The first words spoken by Rebecca are, “When I sang my solo, I felt, like, a really palpable connection with the audience.” Her last words are, “This is a song I wrote.” This connection with the audience that brought her such joy is something she finally gets when she gets to perform her story not to us, the TV audience, but to her loved ones in West Covina. Rebecca (and Rachel) always felt like an outcast, West Covina (and creating the show) showed her how cathartic it is to find others who understand you.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the prologue to Rebecca’s life and the radical story of someone getting better. She didn’t need to change her entire being to find acceptance and happiness, she needed to embrace herself and accept love and help from others who truly cared for her. Community is what she always needed and community is what ultimately saved her.

*

P.S. If you have Spotify... I also process life through music, so I made some playlists related to the show because what better way to express my deep affection for it than through song?

CXG parodies, references, and is inspired by a lot of music from all kinds of genres, musicals, and musicians. Same goes for the videos themselves. I gathered all of them into one giant playlist along with the show’s songs.

A Rebecca Bunch mix that goes through her character arc from season 1 to 4.

I’m shamelessly a fan of Greg x Rebecca, so this is a mega mix of themselves and their relationship throughout the show.

*

I’m in a TV group where we wrote essays on our favorite shows of the 2010s, so here is mine on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, I realized I forgot to ever post it. Also wrote one for Schitt’s Creek.

[lady-plantagenet]

What are your top ten novels about the Wars of the Roses? And why?

I think it’s obvious by the length how enthusiastic I was to answer this ask xx thank you for asking me and giving me also an opportunity to make a masterlist of some sorts of all my reviews xx. But you know? I speak like quite the expert but in reality I’ve read very little histfic about TWOTR because I just newly got back into this hobby (about a year ago) and have little time in general so tbh the last three books on this list I do not personally care for but since I’ve read so little novels of this kind they are here nonetheless hhh (so please people, give me no angry asks asking me why I am endorsing PG, I’m not).

1. The Last of the Barons by Lord Edward Lytton-Bulwer

This is quite possibly the best book I’ve ever read in my life. The gap between these books and the rest is a chasm the size of the world and I wpuld genuinely reccomend this book as an actual piece of literature to anyone, not just TWOTR fanatics. It is written in 1840, in quite old timey lingo and it centres around Richard Neville 16th Earl of Warwick, but in the true tradition of a real classic it is more than just a character drama, it astutely showcases the purpose of Warwick and what he did in the context of his wider world and doesn’t just chalk it up to personal greed. There is also this fascinating subplot about courtship, science and such. Hell, you even get this eccentric ‘natural philosopher’ guy called Adam Warner who tries to make something like a steam engine and gets employed as an alchemist by Jacquetta and Edward IV.

From a historical standpoint it is quite biased as the author himself was a politician (and an actual baron) and tbh I don’t completely agree with his interpretation of history and I can see some of the Victorian inluences slip in, but some of his takes are very refreshing and he clearly consulted the primary sources. I am much interested in his philosophy and life outlook though and while I don’t think his Warwick is the Warwick, I think he (Lytton-Bulwer) understood him like no other novelist could. As for the writing style... here’s an excerpt of a good reads review that I agree with and tells you all you need to know:

“Of course, such a style of writing no longer exists. The language used is essentially foreign to us. But the nobility, the pride of this story work their ways into your bones, your heart. You will yearn for honor once you have left it.“

Basically, go type it into google and see what I mean. You don’t even need to purchase this book it’s all online at the first click on Gutenberg.

Nevertheless, I’ve posted excerpts of it here, here and here =)

2. The King’s Grey Mare by Rosemary Hawley Jarman

This book (unlike the latter) has zero actual historical value. Actually, it sort of does in the way that it hilights certain real events that most people are unaware of when it comes to its protagonist: Elizabeth Woodville, eg the whole Cooke tapestry affair and the whole Desmond affair. Both things which I still stand on the fence about (if you don’t know what I’m talking about send em another ask or pm me). But like, it isn’t political, philosophical or such in any way like the first book, yet you still feel like you are *there* in the 15th century - by the time I finished reading it my heart was wrung dry and I kind of fell into a down for a couple of days because I just wanted to feel the magic again. If anyone would ask me I would give this 5 stars because it perfectly achieved what it set out to do (I can’t expect all books to go above and beyond like #1), it made me feel for the characters who were super complex, was accurate historically and even when it wasn’t it made sense, it got very creative with its themes (which I like to see because I am not interested in reading the exact same story over and over again) and the prose was absolutely magical and brought all the depth to this novel. I’ve read classics with less flowing and poignant prose, yes actual classics!

This book also switches POVs quite a lot (basically it headhops because it’s written in omniscient- but whatever, rules are meant to be broken), so you’ll get to see many of your faves in there, Edward IV, Margaret of Anjou and Grace Plantagenet feature quite heavily. One thing that disappointed me is that it wasn’t really Edward IV/Elizabeth Woodville (at the time I bought it for that), she never really likes him and his love for her kind of wanes towards the end. If you’re not too bothered about that then I say go buy it.

3. The Daisy and the Bear by K L Clark

I put this here because we are already going into shakier territory when it comes to this list. This is kind of the last *really* good, truly five star one. It is a long spoof about TWOTR but god it’s smart! Yet, It does not take itself seriously and has Margaret of Anjou/Warwick the Kingmaker as a crackship and centrepiece and had me in stitches the whole time. I’ve written a long detailed review for it here.

4. Death be Pardoner to Me by Dorothy Davies

This is a novel about George Duke of Clarence. Quite possibly the only novel ever written about him in existence and boy is it a trip - the author claims to have channelled him (she’s a medium). I’ve written a detailed review for it here. I read this last spring and my views have unfortunately changed, the thing is, I’ve come to find out through my research that this was quite possibly a hoax as there are some indisputable inaccuracies (Ankarette Twynyho’s age, the details of Isabel’s death - we *know* she did not die from childbirth, Isabel did not reunite with him after Tewksbury 1471, but right before Christmas 1470). It’s also quite Richardian (the author admitted) and she could have *had* me had she not chose to divulge it in the foreword. Nevertheless, I still like this book because it did get to me at certain points and it’s good quality as a novel, I remember shedding a tear at one point even which is extremely rare for me but I think that says more about my sentiment for the subject matter than the book itself.

5. We Speak no Treason by Rosemary Hawley Jarman (not yet finished, so ranking may vary)

I haven’t finished it yet, so I’ll leave it here for now. This book is a Richardian book about Richard III, but I can’t get enough of this author, I haven’t found anyone to replace her with. The prose is magnificent as usual and I must confess that I’m happy that this book is told through the POVs of three OCs and not Richard, he remains rather elusive and tbf I find the three OCs very interesting and at this point I’m more interested in their stories than anything else. Of course, Richard III is still a fairly prominent part of this novel (even when he doesn’t appear) and it has led to me getting annoyed quite a bit. Given who I am I fumed massively at that one aside that Clarence and Edward have bastards whereas Richard isn’t like that... like are you serious?? At one point the author reassociated the Games and Playes Chesse book to Richard when it was in reality dedicated to Clarence and I got even more annoyed. Leave the poor figure something ma’am? Whatever, as a book about three medieval commoners it’s fantastic and that’s what I pretend it is.

6. Wife to the Kingmaker by Sandra Wilson

Nothing more to add than what I wrote in my (super-long) detailed review on here. This is the case because I read it very recently. This is a novel about Anne Beauchamp 16th Countess of Warwick, it’s ranked higher than Sunne because though it’s less accurate it’s got panache.

7. The Sunne in Splendour by Sharon K Penman

I feel very strongly about this Richard III book and what it represents. I wrote a long detailed review about it on here and a follow-up post on the discussion is here ft my awesome mutual @beardofkamenev ‘s insights also thrown into the mix. Xx

8. The White Queen by Philippa Gregory

This is a step higher than the other two because this book pretty much changed my life. The thing is, I read it translated into my own language by an extremely talented translator and I was also only about 11/12 years old so it was all very impressive to me then. This book about Elizabeth Woodville effectively introduced me to the TWOTR; an interest that has never really left me these past ten years (though at one point (ages 14-19) it was quite wane). It’s not a good book by any standard (I was quite shocked when picking it up at a bookstore, I had found that when read in the original language it lost all its magic), but I owe a lot to it and some people who now endlessly discourse about how bad PG is need to recognise their debt of gratitude and be a bit more respectful, I think. That is of course unless you came into this era via different media, but you got to admit that a massive part of us got to this place through TWQ, though we outgrew it.

10. The Red Queen and The Kingmaker’s Daughter by Philippa Gregory

Exact same commentary as above, just objectively not good books. Flat characterisation, misunderstanding of the era, historical innacuracies which don’t add anything, lack of nuance in prose which often dances too close to *gasp* YA prose *shudders*. But these are lower because I don’t owe them a debt of gratitude as I do TWQ. Funnily enough, they are still better than the series.

[henrik-von-schneeplestein]

Crazy To Suppose

Ship: marvelsepticeye, background/established schneeplebro

Summary: Chase and Henrik invite Jackie, Marvin, and Jamie over to celebrate New Year's Eve. The night doesn't go the way Jackie imagined, and the end of his year is far from happy. The beginning of his new year, however, starts looking up.

Warnings: alcohol; not so much a warning but just a note that this story obviously does not take place during covid - don’t go to parties during pandemics!!!

Word Count: 1812

Click here if you’d prefer to read it on AO3 :)

--

Jackie snuggled into his blanket, flicking through channels with the remote Chase had left him with. Jamie was still sitting next to him, but Chase and Henrik had gone upstairs to put the kids to bed and Marvin had wandered off and disappeared. 

It had been a nice evening so far. Dinner was delicious - Jackie had spent more New Year’s Eves than he’d care to admit ordering delivery from overtaxed restaurants and waiting forever for it to arrive. And even aside from the homecooked meal, it felt good just to get out of his apartment on the holiday and end the year chatting, laughing, and watching Chase’s kids try to stay awake until midnight (they didn’t even make it until nine).

He heard footsteps coming back into the room behind him; Chase had said something about watching a movie until it was time to watch the ball drop, and left Jackie in charge of picking. Marvin still wasn’t back, so Jackie pitched the others some options as Chase and Henrik brought out some snacks and made themselves comfortable on their couch. He almost jumped when a voice came from right behind him.

“I’m gonna head out, but thanks again for dinner guys.”

Jackie turned. Marvin, apparently, had been in the bathroom changing into a sparkly gold dress that came to his mid-thigh. He looked glamorous and perfect as always; like a model in a fashion magazine article about New Year’s Eve. It made Jackie understand the saying “dressed to kill;” it was like Marvin was stealing the air right out of his lungs.

Chase was less impressed. “You’re gonna freeze in that.”

Marvin rolled his eyes. He walked back through the kitchen and opened the hall closet without asking, helping himself to one of Henrik’s coats, a long black one that extended down to Marvin’s knees. It was loose on him, so he ignored the buttons and just pulled it around himself. “Does this meet your standard, mother?”

Chase crossed his arms but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll bring it back tomorrow. I’m leaving this here anyway,” Marvin said, dropping a bag that looked to contain the clothes he’d worn earlier in the evening. He fished out a smaller bag, one that matched his outfit, and started putting his shoes on.

“Do you at least have your phone?” Chase asked. “How are you getting home? You don’t have your car.”

“My date’s driving.”

Jackie didn’t know why it hurt so much more than usual. Marvin went out on plenty of dates, and it was never easy, but Jackie had gotten used to telling himself that it was ok, that it wasn’t his business. Being in love with him didn’t give Jackie the right to judge Marvin’s decisions, and just because Marvin never showed any interest in Jackie didn’t mean it was a personal attack when he went out with someone else. But Jackie had thought that they would be together tonight, even if just as friends, and now he had to watch him ride off with someone else. And maybe, when he’d seen Marvin dressed for a party, he’d had the tiniest hope that he was going to ask Jackie to come along.

Headlights appeared outside the window, Marvin waved goodbye and wished them all a happy new year, then left and closed the door behind him while Chase was still in the middle of telling him to be careful. In his absence, there was a five minute intermission for Chase to rant about how inconsiderate he was and how he was going to end up dead in a ditch one of these days, and then they redirected into the movie. Jackie chose a superhero movie, since Marvin wasn’t there to complain about it, but found he only missed the way that Marvin would’ve made fun of it when they ended up watching in almost complete silence.

They caught the last fifteen minutes or so of the live footage in Times Square, and before they knew it they were counting down. When midnight struck, he found himself staring as Chase and Henrik kissed each other, swaying a little as they held each other. They were so happy. Jackie wondered if he’d ever know what that felt like.

He felt a kiss on his cheek and turned to see Jamie smiling at him. He tried to smile back as Chase and Henrik finally separated and turned to hug the two of them. He knew he should enjoy the laughter and friendship, but he was stupid enough to check his phone. Marvin hadn’t texted him.

Chase and Henrik didn’t really have a guest room, what with having five kids, but since Henrik’s kids were with their mother that night, they offered Jamie and Jackie to crash in their empty beds. Jamie accepted and went upstairs with them, but Jackie figured he’d honestly be more comfortable on the couch than in a twin, and besides, he was grateful to have the TV, especially once he was alone. He couldn’t sleep, and it gave him something to distract himself with.

He was zoning out in front of some 90s sitcom he’d never seen when his phone buzzed at around 1 am. It was from Marvin - “hey can you let me in”

What did that mean - it made it sound like Marvin was right outside. Jackie walked towards the front of the house and squinted through the window. He could see something moving. “Jesus,” he muttered. He opened the door and Marvin slipped through. “You’re creepy as shit, you know.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem. What are you doing here?”

“I accidentally left my keys in that bag with the clothes I changed out of.”

“Oh. Is your, uh, date waiting for you?”

“God, no. He was an asshole. I took an Uber; I’ll just crash here tonight.” He took off his coat, revealing a full bottle of wine he’d been hiding under it. “We can have our own party.” He opened the bottle expertly and took a drink directly from it. Then he held it out to Jackie. 

“I don’t know if we should -”

“Oh come on,” Marvin said, giving him That Grin. “You already helped me sneak in, you’re complicit here. Besides, Mommy and Daddy are fast asleep upstairs, they’re not gonna catch us.” He dropped onto the couch, making himself comfortable in the space Jackie had abandoned.

Somehow, Marvin had a way of making it feel like they really were rebellious teenagers breaking all the rules, and the sadness that had hung around Jackie all night suddenly seemed distant, like the two of them had been a part of this secret scheme all along. He accepted the bottle and took a sip.

“Sorry if that guy ruined your night. You want me to beat him up?”

“Nah, not even worth the energy. He tried to do the whole ‘kiss someone else at midnight’ thing to make me jealous. Please. I practically invented that move.” He leaned over for the bag of chips on the coffee table and took a handful. “I mean, the crazy thing is,” he said between bites, “I used to do that with Chase, back when he was fun.” He rolled his eyes.

“What’s up between the two of you, anyway? Why are you at each other’s throats all of a sudden?”

Marvin hesitated. He wouldn’t quite meet Jackie’s eye, staring down at the wine he was swirling restlessly. “He’s mad at me for going out tonight. He thought we should all hang out, make sure you had a fun New Year’s.”

“Me?!”

“Yeah. Just cause, y’know, it’s the first holiday season since Lizzy, and he’s been worried.” That was the last thing Jackie had expected. Lizzy was his ex-girlfriend, but they’d broken up months ago, back in spring, and he’d been the one who ended it. But then again, they’d been together for two years, everyone had been asking when the ring was coming, and she really was great. Maybe he should still be upset, but he hadn’t even really thought about it. That was why he’d broken it off in the first place - he knew it made him a jerk to stay if he had feelings for someone else, and even now, his only real feeling was hope that maybe the reason Marvin hadn’t invited him along tonight was because he couldn’t take him away from a party that was meant to be for him. 

“And I would’ve stayed, it’s just that I already had those plans.”

“It’s all good. Chase is sweet, but I’m really fine.”

“I was stupid to go anyway. Honestly, I knew this guy was a loser I just… I know it’s dumb and it doesn’t really compare to your thing, but ever since Nico I’ve been weird about dating.” Nico was Marvin’s ex. Jackie didn’t like him, obviously, but the other guys didn’t either. He was weird, dark and broody, and they were pretty sure his name was really just Nick. Marvin had stayed with him longer than he’d ever been with anyone else, though. “I know we weren’t together as long and that you guys didn’t like him, but he was always sweet, y’know. And I still wonder if I made a mistake ending it.” He took another long drink. “And it’s like, any time I meet someone too nice it just freaks me out, I don’t know. Like I don’t wanna do that again.”

“That makes sense. I don’t think it means you should go out with assholes, though.”

“No. I think Anti’s snake is getting hungry; I keep stealing its dead rats to put in guys’ mailboxes.”

Jackie laughed. “You’re something else, Marvin.” He grabbed the bottle and took another drink. He didn’t even like wine, it was just nice to share. “You’re gonna figure it out.” He raised the bottle in a toast. “To a year of dating nice people, for both of us.”

“Mm, yeah.” He rested his head on Jackie’s shoulder. Jackie could feel the tickle of his long hair, smell the booze on his breath, and it made his heart beat faster. “That’s the spirit,” he yawned.

“There are beds if you think you’d be more comfy.”

“Nah.” He pulled his legs up under him. “I’m good here if you are.”

“I’m good.” He tried to fix the blanket so it was over both of them, and Marvin’s weight grew heavier against him. 

He was pretty sure Marvin had fallen asleep, so he was surprised when he heard him mumble, “I can’t believe I didn’t get a kiss on New Year’s Eve.”

Jackie leaned over and kissed his forehead. “How ‘bout that?”

Marvin hummed, now so out of it that his voice came out in a muffled breath. “Nice.”

Jackie laughed. “Happy New Year.”

 This time, he didn’t receive a response at all other than deep, steady breathing.

[softservedspice]

Below the cut (hopefully I cut it correctly. And sorry the format got a little screwed up) is the first short story I made featuring Morgan and Dakota! In this story, Morgan is a playful female Dom who is married to male Dakota. Contains hard tickling, soft tickling, bondage, and sexual interaction

Dakota sat alone at home, flipping through the TV channels. Watching things alone never made him happy, but unfortunately his wife was still out shopping. They needed groceries, he knew that. But he still wanted her in his arms more now than ever. To be able to hold her and hear her soft voice. To rub their hands over one another's figure. 

Finally she came in, and he rushed to help her with the bags. Taking them from her hands and setting them on the counter. Once it was all inside, he began putting everything away while she took off her shoes and coat. No sooner had she gotten them off was a devious thought swirling in her mind. Watching Dakota zip from the fridge to the cabinets. It looked easy. Too easy.

As he reached to put the cereal away, she snuck up behind him and poked under his stretched arm. "Hey!" His hand jerked down and his eyes looked at her seriously. The sooner this was over, the sooner they could relax together. But Morgan had other plans.

Again she tickled under his arm. This time the box fell out of his hand. "You should pick that up." She said with a knowing smirk. A grumpy Dakota glared at her. He picked it up and practically threw it up on the shelf so she would have no time to strike. Such an amusing thing to watch. 

Dakota then grabbed the carton of eggs. As he walked to the fridge, Morgan followed with her hands hovering over his sides. "I swear to God if you tickle me while I'm holding these eggs…" he muttered. Luckily she didn't strike while they were in his hands. But after that? Well that was a different story. She grabbed under his arms and wiggled her fingers madly, making him fall down into a little ticklish mess of laughter. A huge smile on his face, barely able to beg through laughing.

Morgan pulled her hands away. "Now don't tickle me any more!" Dakota put his hands up defensively as he tried to get to his feet.

Morgan looked him up and down. "Why not?"

"Because I want to finish this."

"Why?"

"So we can relax!"

"But what if I want to tickle you!? Rrrah!!" Morgan roared and jumped after him with clawed hands. He backed up from her. Nothing could wipe the smile off his face. 

"Fine, fine! I'll make you a deal. If you'll let me put the groceries away, I'll be your tickle toy for the night!"

"Promise?" She grinned at him with wiggling fingers.

A moment of silence. A nod of the head. "I may regret it, but yes. It's a promise." He came and kissed her on the cheek, barely avoiding her quick attempt at a side tickle. 

Later she awaited his arrival in the bedroom. Bondage elements laid on the mattress, a clue to the horrible torture she wanted to unleash. “Hello, baby boy. You ready to play?” she walked up to meet him as he came through the door. Kissing his cheeks and reaching around him. The poor guy felt too shy to answer. He simply nodded his head and walked forward, the door shut quietly behind him. “Now lay down like a good boy and I’ll tie you down. You remember the safe word, right?” 

Again he nodded his head and began to undress. Blushing hard as her staring eyes dug into him. He almost tripped while taking off his pants, making the heat even worse. But finally he had everything off and neatly folded on the side table. Morgan patted the bad, and Dakota subsequently obeyed. Laying flat on his back and staying still while she tied him down. First the feet, then the hands, so that his arms were helpless above his head and legs spread open. Comfortable and not going anywhere. 

Morgan trailed a teasing finger down his chest, admiring the soft skin. “You were so cute earlier in the kitchen. But I’m in the mood to do something a bit more cruel…” she muttered. A look of fear glinted in his eyes. His throat went dry on the spot.

“Wh-What exactly?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Morgan smiled and leaned forward, kissing his cheeks and down on his neck. Making sure no inch of it went unnoticed. Every little kiss brought a small fuzzy pleasure that he couldn't get enough of. Though it didn't last long before her hand began creeping up his side. Like a spider crawling over his skin. His entire body shivered anc tried to wiggle away, but the bondage promised it would go nowhere.

Her other hand came up on the opposite side, just teasing up and down. Lightly touching like 10 tormenting feathers. She moved to sit on his waist, making the light tickles dance over his belly, sides, and chest. She marvelled at his little smile. Enjoying every second of him twisting side to side. "You're not getting away from them. How does it feel?" She asked softly.

"Feels really nice. Mmmm…." He bit his lip softly as her hands went over his chest. Her eyebrow raised. 

"I think someone's enjoying this too much." She said. Her fingers coming back up to his chest, tracing gentle circles around his nipples. His entire body went stiff. Sometimes flinching if she got closer than usual. "What's wrong?" She asked, knowing full well that light ticklish touches on his nipples would spell death.

"Nothing. It felt nice when you were doing it on my belly." Dakota mumbled. Absolutely failing at hiding his fear and excitement. 

"I bet it did…" Morgan's hands moved toward his stomach, only to take a last minute turn back up. Her fingers flicked light and quick across his nipples. Arousal poured into Dakota's body, making him let out a breathy moan and grind up against her. She could already feel his cock poking at her back. It made her smile grow wider as she leaned toward his face. Now her fingers were rubbing ghostly methodical circles over his nipples. "Does it feel good, little one?"

A small nod.

"Use your words."

"Y-Yes…" his voice came out very weak.

She leaned down and nibbled at his ear. Licking and sucking at it at times. A few more moans escaped as he fought to get out of the chains. "You're not going anywhere," her hot breath brushed against his wet ear and neck, "You're stuck right here. Right with me. With my hands all over your needy, ticklish body. Loving every second of you going weak to my touch." The spidery tickles returned to his stomach, crawling and drawing out cute little chuckles. "That's a good boy." She kept repeating the words softly. As much as she wanted to tickle harder and make him scream in laughter, she knew what these light touches did. She knew how they turned him on and pleased him. And she was right there, enjoying every second of it.

As she tickled, the arousal only got worse. His chuckles turned into little whines. Sounds made half of laughter and half of moaning flowed out. He fought harder to squirm away from her hands. His cock completely hard, even getting precum on her back. "Does someone want to cum?" She asked with fake cluelessness.

Dakota nodded his head. "Please?"

"Why should I? You're plenty adorable just like this." Morgan came back up to his chest, wiggling her tickling fingers on those tender nipples. A loud pitiful moan came out as a result. Certainly not helping his case.

"P-Please, Morgan!" He begged more desperately, "I'm so ready. It needs to come out...please...please…" his voice trailed off into needy little whines. Sounds that did make Morgan feel pity. Just the smallest ounce of it. She scooted down to his legs so that almost his whole body was in sight. Everything from his flushed cheeks to his leaking cock. Unlike him, however, she wasn't ready to be done.

Her light tickling hands teased at his inner thighs. His entire body shivered at the touch. "Please, no, no, no…" he whined. A perfect sign for her to keep going. Those spidery tickles going from his inner thigh up to his belt line. Sliding side to side across it and coming back down. A torturous cycle that had him going crazy. "Touch me, please! Please...I need it…" he kept begging.

Again Morgan's eyebrow raised. "Touch it? I can do that." Her sadistic spiders crawled up his length and back down to his balls. Repeating, venturing about. Lightly walking over those sensitive nerves and lighting them up in the softest way possible. His entire body became a twitchy, needy mess. Even when she gave him a short break, his cock visibly throbbed for more touch. In its own way pleading for her hands to do more.

More she did. The light maddening touches knew no end. "It's not enough...more...more please…" Dakota begged, his voice weaker than ever. Morgan grinned and kept going at her cruel speed.

"They'll tip you over eventually. It may be slow...it may be agonizing...but these little tickles are going to make you cum for me like a good little slut. You do want to cum for me, right?" She asked. A nod answered her. "Good. Now relax and let the pleasure take over." She encouraged.

Minutes passed, and he felt like he was standing on a hellish fence. Just on the other side was his sweet release, but the touches weren't tipping him over. Just leaving him in the horrible middle ground where he could see and taste it and never go over. In this little subspace he lost track of time or reality. All he wanted was for this to end, and all he could feel were Morgan's tickles getting steadily worse.

Finally he felt his body begin getting closer to orgasm. The point of no return. But then it stopped. Morgan's hands were back at his stomach and nipples, tormenting him once again. "Morgan! I'm right there!" He pleaded with absolute desperation in his voice, "please a little more. A little more…" 

Her hands tickled his cock for a few seconds, bringing back that blissful feeling. The feeling that told him he was going to cum any second. But her hands left again, tickling lightly elsewhere. "You're so mean! Come on! Please! I need you!" His voice sounded so needy and desperate. That alone gave Morgan an unexplainable pleasure. 

She took a moment to admire his mindless begging state. How all he could think about was his release, and he was reliant on her to deliver it. How his cock had dribbled a little puddle of precum and twitched uncontrollably. Her hands went back to it, giving it the light touches it desperately needed. "Now let it out. Come on. Cum for me." She encouraged.

Suddenly he tipped over. As he moaned her name and spilled all over his own body, her fingers kept tickling. Making his body continue to hump the air and squeeze out the last bit. "Good boy, good boy. You did so good for me." She smiled and pulled her hands away. He fell limp against the bed. 

Her soft hands firmly rubbed over his stomach, not minding the cum that decorated it. "How do you feel?" She asked. Dakota blinked tiredly and panted for air. A chuckle came from Morgan as she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "I love you."

"Love...love...too…" 

[bexterbex]

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 51

Warning, PLEASE CHECK TAGS IF YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT TO READ THEN DON’T READ. Tag lists are closed

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Will tag as I go along, Will update tags, Slow Burn, Influenced by Star Trek and other Sci-Fi themes, References to We Happy Few, Tons of References and quotes to George Orwells 1984 see if you can find them all, The First Order is the new Big Brother,  but who is really surprised, Blatant Nazi Symbolism, Interrogation Themes, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Really just drawn out Slow Burn, Don’t repost without permission, Torture themes, Suggestive Themes, Execution themes, Disturbing Themes, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Controlling Kylo Ren, Physical Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Possessive Kylo Ren, A character shamelessly based on Zelda

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with some canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–

He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

MASTERLIST

Chapter 51: Receiving Answers

You step out of your dressing room. You look to the right, you see the living area is a mess, furniture tipped over, glasses and bottles from the bar shattered everywhere, it looked like the aftermath of a natural disaster. You ushered both of your ladies-in-waiting out of your chambers. Olivia-Rose’s eyes were wide looking at the state of things, Adlez was unfazed.

You took a deep breath and turned back down the hall, to the bedroom. You paused in the open doorway watching Kylo pace back and forth. When he noticed you the pacing stopped.

You were the first to speak, “You will answer me this. Who is she?” Your voice was even but your tone was flat. You tried to make your face a stone mask, unmoving and unwavering. Your eyes burning into him.

His fists clenched and he resumed pacing. “I told you she is nothing,” his jaw clenched.

“Clearly that isn’t the truth, I will ask again. Who is she? Clearly she means something to you if it causes this reaction. And before you answer I want you to think about something. If you don’t answer I will not sleep next to you and you will not be able to touch me.” You were holding your ground, trying to channel some higher being to assist you in your efforts in this standoff against a demi-god.

“She is no one. She means nothing to me.” His voice was breaking, you couldn’t tell if it was from anger or something else. His eyes said he was guilty.

“If you continue to lie to me, I will leave. I will leave and I won’t come back.” Tears fell down your face but you held your ground. “When we first met you asked me to stay. You told me you were a broken man, that you were a monster. I am willing to fix you, but I can only do that if you let me. If you lie to me about her again. I will leave. I will not stay. I can not stay with a man, a monster, who continues to treat me like a songbird in a cage.” Your voice was breaking. “I will not stay. I can not stay with a man who does not care for me. I cannot love a man who… who continues to treat me like this. I will not stay.”

You said it, you said the four-letter word. The one that could cause your heart to shatter into a million pieces to never be put back together. The one word that could break the strongest of men, reducing them down to nothing. You loved him, but you feared that he did not love you back. That the same place that you had in your heart for him, was taken--taken by her.

You were shaking but you did not falter, tears freely streaming down your face as you waited for an answer, any answer. The suspense was killing you, and was causing fractures to spread across your delicate heart.

You watched him, he was frozen in place, his eyes were large cauldrons of dark water, with currents spinning so fast you had no idea what was in them. “She is a scavenger. From Jakku. She is strong in the Force. She is the only person to ever fully beat me in battle.”

“What is her name?” Part of you did not want to know, but all of you had to know. Your blood was churning from ice cold to boiling and back again, for each second you had to wait.

“Rey,” he said finally as if it was the first time her name had ever graced his lips. Those fractures were becoming full-on cracks now. Your heart swayed in the waves of your emotions, losing the battle of the storm. His voice saying her name was the wind that broke the sail, soon your ship would sink.

It took every bit of sanity you had left to ask, “Rey who?”

This time he answered quicker, “Rey, just Rey. Just a scavenger from Jakku. A no one.”

You bit your lip, your eyes clenched shut, resisting the urge to wrap your arms around yourself. Your voice small as you asked, “And what does she mean to you?” The ship was frozen in time, a large wave threatening to come crashing down. You needed the answer like you needed oxygen to breathe like you needed water to drink like you needed love to hope.

You felt a hand on your cheek, prompting your eyes to meet his, “She means nothing to me compared to you. She is nothing.”

Your face crumpled with disbelief and confusion. “Don’t lie to me. She means something to you.” You paused for a few seconds. “What does she mean to you?”

His other hand came to your face, he was now holding you. In another life, this would be comforting, but it was only slowing down the inevitable crippling wave that was about to sink your ship with his next answer. “She is but a formidable opponent for me in battle. A weakness that I do not know how to fix. She. Is. NOTHING. Compared. To. YOU.”

You pulled away from him, bracing yourself for the crash that will end your maiden voyage. “Why is it that you speak to her? Why do you hide her from me?” You dared your eyes to look at him, waiting for the answer.

“The Force connects us, I do not know why. She uses it to taunt me, to lash at me. A weapon in my own mind. I hide her from you as I hide you from her. It is the only way to protect you. She uses my mind like a weapon against me, imagine what she could do to you. I would never forgive myself if I were to let that happen. You are mine. I will not let her take that from me. She and her friends have taken so much from me already. I won’t let them, have you. I will die before that happens,” you could see his confession was true. His eyes told you so as did the trembling of his lip.

Your body swayed under the weight of his answer, you came crashing down into his chest. He was solid. Your broken and battered ship came into the safety of his port. Your hands bracing yourself on his broad strong chest. “You will not hide her from me anymore. I do not want secrets between us. I promised to fix you, to mend you, but I can only do that if you are truthful to me. I will only stay if you are truthful to me.” Your hand traced along his sternum.

“I will try, but you must know that I must protect you. You are mine.” He brought your hand up to his lips. “Mine.” And he kissed your knuckles.

Your heart froze, the cracks seemed to start ever so slowly filling in. Your eyes meet his. He leaned you back and kissed you. Both of you crave each other like oxygen. The kiss deepened as he bent down to wrap your legs around his waist to carry you to bed. Your back hit the mattress and your hips crashed and rolled together. Both trying to find some semblance of friction, him more so than you.

He sucked hard on your bottom lip causing you to moan into the kiss allowing his tongue to slip in and do its usual dominating dance. His hips trying to find more and more fiction. The passion that always burned after your fights, was ablaze.

Between pants, you mustered, “We can’t.”

His voice was just as breathy, “I know.” He groaned and started to almost violently buck into you, finding as much friction as possible. “You said above clothing, so that’s what I am doing.” His pelvis ground down hard into yours.

You let out a breathy laugh between kisses, “Clever bastard.”

This earned a smile from him, one that was being hidden by snogging, but one that was there nonetheless.  His lips found their way down your neck and onto your clavicle finding a new spot to mark. His teeth scraping, but failing to break skin. Once he was satisfied by his new declaration of ownership he resumed feasting on your lips. You stayed that way for a good hour or more, his hands occasionally groping and caressing different parts of your body. He gave one good hard roll of the hips before breaking your kiss. “Now Kitten I think that is enough for tonight,” he groaned climbing off of you.

You watched him stumble into the bathroom. You climbed back up to your spot on the bed and laid on your side. It took you a minute or two to realize that he did not close the bathroom door behind him.

You heard the shower running and after a few moments, you heard his loud moans and grunts. Your name was peppered in with his animalistic sounds. It was rather erotic. You clenched your thighs together and rubbed them together causing some friction. You threw your head into your pillow and bit down, trying to resist the urge to do something about your growing desire. You did not want to give him the satisfaction of your reaction to him. After a few minutes, you heard your name as almost a shout and then nothing. The water continued for another few minutes before you heard it shut off.

You were not expecting him to exit the bathroom in only a towel slung low on his hips, threatening to fall even lower. He started to walk towards the bed. You shot up, “Don’t you even think about it.”

A smirk plastered across his face. He turned around and walked towards his closets. He opened one and looked over his shoulder at you, meeting your eyes before he dropped his towel.

Your face was hot. He was more of a man than any you had seen or been with before. You could tell by the way he bent over to get out a pair of lounge pants that he was trying to put on a show. He grabbed them and stood straight once more, he then looked over his shoulder with a smirk on his face and turned around. Giving you an eyeful of what he had to offer, before you averted your gaze.

He bent down to pull up the pants, but out of the corner of your eye, you could see that he fully had to tuck himself in, instead of the usual it went on over the first time. You returned your gaze to him, your face and body flushed. You watched as he tied the drawstrings at his waist and then in a show like fashion he adjusted himself. Your face was on fire. Your mind also screamed at you that he liked going commando. Just him and his pants, the only thing separating him from the rest of the world.

He fully swaggered back to the bed, shirtless. “Did you like what you just saw Kitten?” His tone and face told you everything you needed to know. He was putting on a show. This whole thing was a show. The shower. The towel. The lack of a towel. The him. Was all just a show, a private one for you.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” You turned to face the wall, back to him.

He crawled up next to you, his hips to your ass as he swung his arm over your middle. “Well, I guess next time I will have to just do what I was going to do, and crawl into bed naked. After all, do hands really have to stay above clothing if there is none?”

You didn’t even have to look at him to know he was smirking. And that smirk made its way to the mark behind your ear, the one that you knew was going to be forever branded into your skin, his own personal badge of ownership over you.

The waiting game was going to be hard, especially when the man lying next to you looked like something the gods carved out of the purest marble. A gift to mankind. A work of art. A masterpiece that the old masters could only dream about but never achieve. A god amongst men. Your own personal image of perfection. Waiting was going to be hard, but apparently not as hard as him. But boy did you have something to tell the ladies in the morning.

[raelly-writing]

The Ties that Binds Us

Thancred/fWol, post 5.3. Selfindulgent distraction writing that went from fluffy to smutty.

AO3 link.

---

The warm water felt far too hot against his skin. Thancred sighed and shifted about, trying to settle and relax. The past day seemed like such a blur, nevermind the last few weeks by themselves.

How quickly their stay in the First had come to an end.

Urianger had left the communal bath area just a few moments ago, cleaned and with his beard trimmed back into its usual, more presentable state. Thancred cast a sour look at the basket Tataru had given him, where, on top of a set of clean clothes, his shaving kit lay as he had requested it, then held out his hand in front of him. His dismayed expression deepend when he, as expected, saw his hand tremble. Seven Hells, the others did not seem to feel the same fatigue as he did.

The unpleasant memory of his recovery after Lahabrea bristled at the back of his mind - of unsteady hands, weak muscles and how even the simplest of labours had left him winded. Hopefully he would not have quite such a long journey to full recovery this time, especially when he had to readjust his body to wielding a gunblade once more. Sighing, he let his hand fall back into the water with a small splash.

The sound bounced off the stone walls. Without Urianger around, the silence that hung as thick as the steam in the air made it hard to keep his thoughts from wandering back to the events of the past few days.

Had he said all he needed to say to Ryne, there in Nabaath Araeng, in the shadow of the crystal wall? Doubt gnawed at him, certain that he’d forgotten something, left something unspoken, held back a last piece of advice before there was no longer any time left for them. Had he even made the right choice, returning instead of staying?

The what ifs kept twisting and turning in his head, even though he logically knew that there had most likely been no other option than returning. Ryne would not have let him, or any of them, take that risk. But still, there was that small insistent voice in his heart, that he had not known for sure, that if he had just tried he might have found a way to stay.

Sighing, he sank deeper into the water. That both the women he cared for would say that they wanted him to be happy - in whichever world it may have been. Could he fully be though? Thancred snorted and shook his head to himself. "What a fool you are, Waters…" he murmured.

Idle hands made for a busy mind. No, he had his duties to attend to now, just like Ryne had her own path to make. The rest of his family needed him and he still had people whose memories he wished to honour here, on the Source.

A small, mournful smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he imagined Minfilia gently but firmly telling him not to beat himself up so much. For once, thinking of her did not fill him with pitch dark sorrow and rage at the injustice of the world. The name he had once given her would live on in one world. But this world, the one a young girl named Ascilla had called home and fought for as a young woman, inspiring him and others around her to do the same, still remained unsafe.

Yes, master Louisoix had set him on this path, and he was determined to see it to the end in his mentor’s honour, to do what he wished he could have done by Minfilia’s side and uphold both their legacies. Despite how he felt like his heart was torn, one piece still safely tucked away with Ryne beyond the Rift, the path that lay before his feet did not feel wrong. And he was not walking it alone.

Gods, he just hoped Ryne was faring alright. Would Viana return to the First soon, to let her and Beq Lugg know how it all went? With how time flowed just a little bit quicker on the First, had they already spent a restless day - maybe even a night? - worrying that something had gone wrong? Thancred swallowed thickly around the unpleasant lump in his throat as he stared up into the roof.

“Thancred?”

The muffled voice was accompanied by a quiet knock to the door. Grateful for a distraction, Thancred looked towards it just as Viana cracked open the door to lean inside. Despite that her demeanour was happy and her body language relaxed, he saw the worry in her eyes, as if she still fully expected them all to drop back into a state of unconsciousness at any moment.

“Urianger said you wished to speak to me?”

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Had his dark mood been that obvious? Ah, Urianger knew him too well.

Water dripped from his hand as he raised it and held out towards her. “Join me?” he asked.

Viana smiled gently as she slipped inside, closing the door after herself. At some point she’d found the time to discard her armour, now dressed in just the simple short-sleeved shirt, pants and high boots she wore beneath it. “You alright?” she asked quietly as she slid her hand into his and sat down at the wide carved stone edge of the tub.

Spark and jolts danced over his skin at the skin-on-skin contact. Everything had felt so sensitive since he had woken up, like his body was overcompensating for the time his soul had been absent - or his senses had been muted in the First, and now everything just felt too sharp and in focus. “No major physical complications so far,” he replied. Not a lie, not entirely the truth.

The feeling of her fingers combing through his long hair, gently pressing against his scalp, brought a low, content hum from deep in his chest as his eyes momentarily fell shut. A fraction of the tensions in his body melted away with the slow caress - a welcome distraction from his dark thoughts.

“That’s good to hear,” Viana spoke in turn.

Thancred brushed his thumb over her knuckles and tilted his head back to rest against her thigh as he looked up at her. Amidst the flurry of activity after they had woken up, Krile and Coultenet fervently checking each and every one of them, and Viana quickly leaving to return with a weak and dazed G’raha from the tower, they had not had much time to speak, much less so in private like this. Though he would have sought her out sooner rather than later, he felt a potent tug of gratitude towards Urianger for sending her to him, allowing them a quiet moment together.

There was a curious if gentle look in her eyes as she slipped her other hand from his. Carefully, she brushed back his long bangs from his eyes, her fingertips tracing his brow as she did. Thancred thought she would ask about his eye, about the lack of scar that he’d supposedly covered up with his bandana for so long. Krile wasn’t even sure what had happened, why his eye had returned to as it had been before Y’shtola had sent them both into the Lifestream, but he did not find much reason to complain. Too bad his ability to channel aether had not had the same courtesy to return as well.

When Viana just let out a quiet, thoughtful hum while running a finger over his left cheekbone, he relaxed and let his eyes drift close, all too content to enjoy her light touch. If he thought he’d felt touch starved on the First, by Thaliak this was ten times more intense. With one hand, she kept combing his hair back from his hairline with her fingertips pressing against his scalp, a gesture he had already found pleasant and relaxing then. Meanwhile her other carefully traced his facial features - a finger running over the small scar he knew he had by his hairline from a mishap in his youth, one of many that had not manifested on his soul in the First, then continued dragging her finger down the bridge of his nose, over his cheek, his bottom lip.

“I saw that Urianger was quick to tame his once more,” she mused quietly as she scratched her nails through the beard that had grown to cover his jaw. “Almost looks like when we found you Dravania.”

Thancred hummed in acknowledgment. Despite the warm water, a shiver rolled down his spine when her fingertips continued down over the underside of his chin, following the whole extent of the stubble. “Will shave later,” he replied quietly. Blinking his eyes open, he looked up at her and gave her a crooked smile. “Got time to join me in here?”

Smiling, Viana nodded and slowly moved to stand up from the edge. “Happily.”

A sharp sense of loss followed the moment she took her hands off him. Gods, he wanted her close, now. Discreetly, Thancred rubbed his hand over his face, like it’d shake him from this needy state. The rustle of cloth and clink of metal buckles soon filled the air.

“How are the others faring?” he asked without turning to look at her.

“They all seem fine,” Viana replied. “Wager Krile will sleep for a day once she’s sure you’re all completely recovered. And it’s good to see Tataru happy again. She’s already sent word to Lyse that you’re all back.”

Thancred smiled and nodded slightly to himself. Those memories right prior to his collapse were still fresh in his mind, despite the years hence. Knowing Lyse she can’t have been happy about being unable to do anything to help them. “It’ll be good to see her again,” he replied. “And what about G’raha? Are his soul and memories all fine?”

“Yes, though he seemed a bit out of sorts from fatigue, he could remember everything up until he transferred the last of his memories atop the tower.” There was a brief, strained pause. “I can’t help but feel like it’s a small blessing he does not remember turning entirely into crystal.”

The memory of the crystalline body of the Exarch atop the tower flashed before Thancred’s mind. He’d had his fair share of complicated feelings towards the man during his two initial years in the First, before Urianger arrived and his ‘prophecy’ brought some purpose to their stay there. After all that had transpired, Thancred could not deny G’raha’s devotion to the task he had set before himself when he’d been awakened from the tower in that far flung future - a task now completed. Still, the thought of slowly turning into crystal made Thancred’s skin crawl. Suppressing a shudder, he hummed, “A small blessing indeed.”

While listening to the rustle of cloth behind him, he let his thoughts wander back to their struggles across Norvrandt, of their fight to defeat the Lightwardens. It wouldn’t surprise him one bit if G’raha did accept Alphinaud’s invitation for him to join the Scions. Not with the obvious admirations he held for Viana that seemed to border on infatuation - one more gallant leader who’d been taken in with her.

Instantly, a cruel voice reared its head in the back of Thancred’s mind, one that whispered of how undeserving he was of her affections. An unpleasant feeling settled in his stomach as he flexed his fingers in the water, his mouth suddenly dry as he stared into the swirling shapes of steam.

There were so many dark, ugly things in his past, low points and mistakes that she’d been a direct witness to. When would she realise that he was damaged goods, not worth the gentle patience she always seemed to treat him with? Or would it be the veiled comments about his past relationships, insinuations that his eye would wander sooner or later - spiteful remarks from past lovers aiming to make her doubt his commitment to her? He’d never been unfaithful, had always made sure any partner he took to bed knew he’d had no interest in something more than a night’s fun, but that did not mean he had not left more than one broken heart in his wake over the years.

Thancred swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. It had been so easy to forget about that on the First, to find solace in his relative anonymity and blank past there. In that world, he’d just been the Exarch’s mysterious guest, another sin eater hunter, and then one of the Warriors of Darkness. Not a street urchin from a pirate port who had failed far too many people that he claimed to have cared about.

A hand on his shoulder stirred him from his ruminations. Viana stepped into the water beside him, but before she could settle down, the urge to have her closer made him wrap an arm around her.

“Come here,” he rasped out.

Without a word, she let him guide her to sit sideways between his legs. Pushing out his breath in a shuddering exhale, he wrapped his arms around her proper, pulling her flush against his body. As if sensing his urgency, Viana made a quiet, soothing sound and draped her arms over his shoulders, hugging him. Gods, she was so warm and solid to the touch, like all those times he’d felt her skin against his on the First had been with a thin layer of cloth between them.

Thancred pressed his face into the crook of her neck, in what was perhaps a juvenile attempt to hide from the doubts and heavy thoughts in his head. Instantly, her shoulders shook with a quiet laugh that made his heart flutter and his chest feel warm.

“Your beard tickles,” she whispered, but did not move.

“My apologies.” Slowly, he slid his hand up and down her back and side in a languid caress, focusing on just feeling her skin beneath his fingertips. Had he been able to feel the small, almost imperceptible bumps of her scars before? The beat of her heart when he held his hand flat against her back? He could not remember for sure. The scent of her filled his nose - the warm, vaguely spicy notes he remembered now sharp enough that he could pick out the notes of vanilla, nutmeg and cinnamon as they mingled with the floral bathing oils.

This was real. They were really back on the Source and he was really holding her in his arms for the first time - physically, not as a corporeal manifestation of aether.

After a moment, Viana stirred a little, and she felt her fingers skim over the back of his neck when she combed her fingers through his hair. “You alright?”

Thancred made a low noise of acknowledgment, “Am now.”

When she pressed her lips to his shoulder, he reluctantly loosened his grip on her so she could lean back enough to meet his gaze. Slowly, she blinked at him with a small smile, the look in her eyes gentle, like she too was thinking about how they’d never truly touched one another like this before. A smile of his own curved his lips. If only Althyk would grace him with his blessing, and let this moment last forever.

Suddenly, her smile faltered and she glanced away. “Perhaps it’s selfish of me,” she murmured somberly, “knowing how much you all left behind on the First, but I’m happy you and everyone else are back.”

Seeing her glum expression, Thancred’s heart broke a little. “We’re all glad to be back,” he replied firmly - it wasn’t a lie, despite the what-ifs that gnawed at him, he was happy to finally return to his own body and familiar faces. Viana nodded slowly, but her gaze remained downcast. Sighing, Thancred gently grasped her chin and urged her to look back at him. When she met his gaze again, green eyes wide with worry, he gave her a reassuring smile and leaned in to claim her lips for a slow, thorough kiss - the first one they’d shared on this world, he realised with a tightening of his heart.

It was short and sweet, her lips soft and pliant against his, the motions familiar to him. They parted to rest their foreheads together, breaths mingling in the small space between them. For a moment, they teetered, waiting to see if the other would speak, but then, like a fraying rope of restraint finally snapping, they crashed together once more. With a quiet, needy sound, she melted into the kiss and slid her wet fingers into his hair, tugging him closer. The itch to touch and explore urged his hands to wander over her, to reacquaint himself with her curves and memorize all the little new things he could sense.

One kiss melted into the next, and quickly grew more insistent and hungry. He could feel his blood quicken with her soft sighs and her hands sliding over his shoulders and neck, the beat of his heart thumping against his ribcage not just an illusion by his mind’s expectations of his soul’s corporeal form. It was strange how he suddenly felt truly alive for the first time in a long while.

A familiar yearning followed soon after, winding through his veins to settle hot and heavy low in his abdomen. He nipped at her bottom lip, drawing a ragged gasp from her as he dug his fingers into her thigh and waist, and tugged at her to move.

“Thancred...” she murmured in between their kisses, a warning tone to her voice even as she let him pull and guide her to straddle his lap instead.

“I want…” he whispered hotly, fingers grasping desperately at her wet skin. The warmth of the water seemed nearly cold compared to her and the searing need that was roaring to life within him. His cock stirred in between them, and with a firm tug he got her to settle properly in his lap. Her breath caught, and a staggered, reflexive roll of her hips sent jolts of pleasure up his spine. Groaning, he bucked up against her, encouraging her to keep grinding against him.

“Gods Thancred-!” Viana gasped, the silky heat of her sliding against his hard length.

Everything felt fuzzy and out of focus, his thoughts muddled and throat dry as sand. A blind need guided his hands - touching, caressing, squeezing whatever he could reach. He wanted more, wanted to feel her, to have that intimate connection with her for real - something to anchor him in this world, lest he’d lose all ties with his body and his soul would scatter to the void once more. With a low curse, Thancred pressed his lips to hers, hard and desperate. “Please.”

She pushed her body flush against his as she met his hungry kiss with equal fervor, her hands leaving trails of levin over his skin. They rocked together, sparks of pleasure stoking the desire, molten and searing hot that rushed through his veins.

With a gasp, Viana broke their kiss and jerked her head back a little. It was barely that he managed to bite back a whine of protest as he blinked his eyes open once more to lean after hear. A deep blush stained her cheeks, but the desire and yearning he saw in her dark eyes was mixed with hesitation and concern. “Krile s-said - ah - said you shouldn’t overexert yourself,” she rasped out.

Thancred made a soothing sound. Turning his head he scattered a trail of kisses along her neck and collarbones, nipping here and there, each time hearing how her breath caught. His voice was low and guttural as he responded, “I won’t.” Squeezing her rear he then skimmed one hand up her body to take a greedy handful of her breast. A moan instantly tumbled from her lips as she grasped onto his shoulder as if to steady herself. Thancred teased her flushed skin at her neck with his teeth as he flicked his thumb over her nipple, relishing in how she shivered with need. “Not if you’re on top, darling.”

Weakly, she whined and rocked her hips against his, seeking that same friction that made his cock throb with need. “Viana,” he whispered - pleaded - against the hollow of her throat, as if her mere name was a potent prayer. “I promise.” With how every fiber of his body felt sensitive and tingling, he was not even sure how long he’d last.

Viana dug her fingers into his shoulders while she seemed to have an internal struggle, torn between concern and the same aching desire that he felt. “Alright,” she finally breathed and skimmed one hand down his chest, her fingers light against his stomach.

A jolt of anticipation made Thancred’s heart skip more than a few beats. When she rose up on her knees, he quickly grasped her waist to keep her steady as she reached between them to wrap her hand around his hard length. Shuddering at the pleasure that curled up his spine, he flexed his fingers into her soft curves and barely managed to bite back a needy moan when he felt her line him up with her.

At the sound of his choked noise, Viana gave him a warm smile. There was a playful twinkle in her eyes, one that was all too familiar to him by now. Always attentive towards him, eager to see and learn what he liked and enjoyed the most. A fleeting thought passed through his mind, a half-formed yearning for all the nights that were yet to come when he could see that look in her eyes again.

The thought scattered as soon as it had come though. Slowly, she sank down on him, enveloping him in her slick heat. “Gods Viana,” he groaned. His fingers dug into her waist, the urge to thrust up or pull her down or both all at once, making his entire back tense, but he forced himself to remain still and let her take her time. Taking deep and even breaths, he just rubbed his thumbs over her skin as he felt himself momentarily lose himself to the pleasure curling up his spine. How long had it been since he’d lain with someone on the Source? Twelve, he couldn’t even remember. Much less care.

Finally, with a breathy moan, Viana took the last of him and settled her full weight onto his lap. Shuddering, Thancred blinked his eyes open - when had he closed them? - to look up at her.

A small, tender smile played on her lips as she peered back at him with hooded eyes. Instantly, his heart clenched with all the love and adoration he had yet to truly speak aloud to her. Smoothing his hands over her hips and thighs, he blinked up at her and mustered a charming smile. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, his tone even and earnest.

It felt like his whole body was alight with pleasure, buzzing and simmering beneath his very skin. The wonderful sensation was only marred by the faint, bitter taste of regret on his tongue. Perhaps he should have waited for this until they were comfortable in bed, where he could see her properly.

The sound of Viana’s soft, breathy laughter distracted him. “Quite handsome yourself,” she whispered, her voice husky with desire. Her hands were wet to the touch when she brushed his hair away from his eyes, nails scratching through his beard before catching his mouth in a slow, searing hot kiss. It was nearly overwhelming how warm he felt surrounded by her and the water, safe and wanted. A pleased, rumbling noise rose from the back of his throat. Yes, this was what he had needed.

Slowly, she rolled her hips, her movements a bit uncertain. Delicious sparks of pleasure surged through his body, and he curved one arm around her waist, just holding her steady without dictating her movements. Let her set the pace, use him to find her pleasure. “You feel magnificent,” he mumbled against her lips.

Her fingers tangled in his hair as she began to move with more purpose, rising and falling, twisting her hips as she ground against him. “So do you,” she breathed. “So good, Thancred.”  

The pleasure quickly seeped into his mind, leaving it pleasantly fuzzy and void of any of the dark thoughts that had plagued him - there was just her, the wet slide of their skin, the taste and scent of her, their quiet moans and ragged breaths.

Hissing out a soft curse, she braced herself with one hand on his shoulder, her breath hot against his lips. “Th- Thancred, mhm-!”

It felt like his heart was fit to burst. Thancred squeezed her ass, his hips rolling to meet hers as best as he could while still making good on his promise to her to not violate his medical orders. Molten heat simmered beneath his skin, coiling in his abdomen. Panting, he scattered kisses down her neck and collarbones. “That’s good, sweetheart,” he rasped out. There was a desperate jerk of her hips as she clenched around his cock. Through the haze, he could sense that she was close. While murmuring his name, Viana arched her back, her fingers pressing into the back of his neck as she cradled him closer.

Heeding the direction, real or imagined on his part, he looped one arm around her waist and lowered his head with a groan. He could taste the salt on her skin as he mouthed kisses down over her chest, lingering over the faint scar that crossed from one shoulder to the opposite hip, like he could do what healing magic had failed to and make it fade by pouring his love into it.

Water splashed as he slid one hand up her body, fingers pressing into every single dip and curve until he cupped one full breast. Kneading it, he scattered a trail of kisses down towards its dusky peak. Blood rushed in his ears, his heart thumping violently against his ribs. He relished in this - feeling her body shift and twist beneath his hands, how the sole thing that mattered to him right then in the moment was coaxing her closer to that sweet oblivion. With a guttural moan, he closed his lips around her pebbled nipple, sucking and teasing the bud with his teeth.

Viana’s fingers tightened in his hair as her breath stuttered, the graze of her blunt nails against his scalp and nape of his neck sending pleasant tingles down his neck. Her chest was heaving with every breath, her pace growing erratic, the creeping sense of desperation as she chased after her end making her lose focus. “A-almost,” she murmured against the top of his head.

Thancred hummed in acknowledgment around her nipple and smiled to himself when she instantly hissed out a quiet curse at the sensation. A pressure was mounting at the small of his back, sending sparks of levin dancing up his spine, the tension winding out into his legs, signalling that he was not far off himself.

Dragging his tongue over her peak, he rested his chin against her chest and gave her breast one last squeeze before letting his hand skim back down over her body beneath the water. “I’ve got you, darling,” he rumbled, his voice low and rough with arousal. A low whine tumbled from her lips when his fingers found her clit and circled it, all while he murmured to her how good she felt, how much he enjoyed seeing and feeling her like this.

All about it was familiar and new all at once, sharper and in more focus, like the times they’d shared on the First might have just been very visceral dreams. Or maybe this was. He wasn’t sure, everything felt surreal and too real and tangible at the same time.

Viana grasped at his back and shoulder, desperately rocking against him. His cock throbbed, but he grit his teeth and instinctively turned his head up towards her. They met in a sloppy kiss, teeth clicking, their breaths mingling. That euphoric relief was so close, it felt like he could taste the sweet nectars on his tongue. All it took was a few more strokes of his fingers, and then he finally felt her reach her climax, his name falling from her lips with a broken moan as the ripples and waves of her pleasure made her clench around his cock.

There was nothing he could do to prevent himself from getting pulled over the edge with her into that blissful oblivion. The force of his climax slammed into him and swiftly carried his mind off to somewhere where all that he was aware of was the loose limbed weight of her in his arms.

Even as he slowly came to, his mind felt calm once more, no longer buzzing with intrusive thoughts and doubts. Viana had her arms loosely draped around his shoulders, her face tucked in towards the side of his neck. Much like him, she was still breathing hard, her exhales hot puffs of air against his damp skin. Humming quietly, Thancred pressed a kiss to her shoulder and leaned back against the edge of the bathtub with his arms around her waist.

“You alright?” he asked quietly.

“Mhm,” she responded.

Viana stirred and ghosted a few kisses over his Archon sigil, light brushes of her lips that left a tingling sensation behind. Turning his head, he met her for a languid kiss. “Thank you,” he whispered.

A crooked smile curled the corner of Viana’s mouth as she climbed off him. “I needed that too,” she murmured. Instantly, he missed her warmth and weight, but curved an arm around her waist when she instead curled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. Her other hand found his, and he laced his fingers with hers.

“Hey…” Her quiet voice made him turn his head, just in time for her to press another quick kiss to his mouth. “I love you.”

How she could say it so easily still took him by surprise, yet Thancred did not doubt her earnesty when she did. There was a weight to them, one he felt keenly right at the tip of his tongue, burning hot where he had let them linger too many times over the moons they’d been together.

A mere heartbeat seemed to stretch out into eons. Slowly, it was like something in his heart clicked back into place, and things felt just a little bit more clear. This, between them, had not changed. “I love you too,” he finally whispered, and the words felt so right in his mouth.

Viana’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but then her expression softened as a bright smile spread on her lips.

Letting out a breath he had not realised he’d been holding, Thancred flashed her a quick smile before he closed the small space between them once more. She met him half-way, and his heart sang with contentment as he kissed her. Come what may, he would face it with her.

A sudden knock to the door cut through the mood that lingered over them as surely as a sharp blade cut through a cotton sheet. They froze, blinking at each other like they’d both startled awake from a dream as harsh reality came crashing down around them.

“Master Thancred? Are you alright in there?”

Coultenet. Thancred cleared his throat as Viana moved to stifle her sudden laughter against the crook of his neck. “Yes, Coultenet, I am still alive,” he called out, grateful that years of practise let him keep his voice even and neutral. “Just doing as Krile ordered me to and taking it easy.”

Smiling, he brushed his fingers through Viana’s hair as he kept one eye on the door. If they got caught like some lovestruck Studium students bored of their homework, he was certain they’d never live it down.

“My apologies, I shan’t disturb you then,” Coultenet responded, sounding genuinely apologetic. Good man.

“Thank you, I won’t be much longer.”

They waited for a few moments until they were certain they were alone once more.

“Perhaps we should wash up before someone else comes looking for you,” she chuckled.

Thancred raised an eyebrow at her, smirking. “My dear, I wager they’d sooner tear through this place searching for you rather than me.

Laughing, Viana brushed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I suppose. Hand me the soap and I’ll get your hair.”

“As the fair lady wishes.”

[bluedemon1995]

New story because apparently I don’t have anything better to do. Yet I do and sorry for not finishing other stories!!!

Chapter 1

KNOCK< KNOCK>KNOCK

I slowly lift my head up from my arms looking side to side, where apparently, I fell asleep. At my desk. With all the lights on. And the TV on. Way too loud. And did I mention the lights, which are so damn bright that they are hurting my eyes. In fact, I think my foot is asleep and I feel cold, freezing in fact. My body aches as I gradually move, clutching my fingers in and out to get some feeling, ugh I drooled on my paperwork! Well, shit, I absently rub at the wet spot and blink repeatedly. What is actually going on?

I hate when I fall asleep while working at my table or desk. Oh well, who am I kidding, it’s not the first time and sadly it won’t be the last. Groggily I try to focus on the numbers on my clock, rubbing my eyes to see it’s a little after 2 am. Who the heck could it be? Shit they are persistent, I’ll give them that.

<KNOCK, KNOCK> Good news never arrives at 2 am. Suddenly, I’m wide awake, with my stomach in knots as I trip my way to the door while hurriedly scrubbing my face (I definitely don’t want drool on it), finally stumbling to the door. I rush to unlock the door and yank it open it as I yawn and push my hair out of my face. Damn I really need a trim, its too damn long. Again.

I look up, and up to see…Krolia?!?! I lean around and look for Keith or Cosmo, nope.

“Hey, Krolia, um, hi? What can I do for you?” Yep, definitely not fully awake yet I open the door anyways and indicate she should enter. I look down, um… yeah…I’m in my brother’s old Garrison t-shirt and some fluffy socks. And that’s it. FUUUCCKKKK….I vaguely remember spilling coke on my pants, which is why when I look back I see my pants are on the floor by the chair so yeah, I am pant-less…and braless catching sight of my bra…also on the floor…well, why are those things so uncomfortable anyways?

Does anyone really wear them once they get home? I think not! Ugh. I indicate she should take a seat on the couch while I try to evaluate what’s going on. Hopefully she doesn’t notice my lack of attire. She looks serious but honestly I don’t think I ever see her relaxed so …I’m just going to take a leap and assume my attire doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. She’s a girl so no surprises anyway. And at least I woke up and answered the door, which isn’t a given knowing my sleep patterns once I knock out. God, I get enough teasing!

“Pidge, you should not just open your door like that, you didn’t even ask who it was! I could be a dangerous person!” Krolia states in her very calm and serious voice as she takes a seat. Sitting very straight up like she’s in a meeting at a boardroom. Or a spaceship. What she doesn’t look like is a person sitting in my messy front room in the middle of the night on my couch. Ah well.

As I lock the door, I slowly turn to walk over and reply, “Well, you ARE a very dangerous person but good news, so am I! So, not that I’m NOT happy to see you, but it is 2 am so I imagine this is not a social call. What’s up? Where’s Keith and Cosmo? Do you need my awesome tech skills?” Chuckling I add, “What, was Keith afraid to ask?”

Krolia fidgets and finally I get a good look at her eyes-shit she looks … worried … scared … now I’m back to high alert. “I am sorry to interrupt your rest. But Keith has been captured by some … hostiles on a planet we were giving aid to. The Blades want to wait and discuss what should be done. Negotiate. Talk … make plans, wait, argue. I find, that, well, that I simply cannot comply. Not now. I cannot abide by the Blade rules, not with Keith being held. As a prisoner.”

Suddenly I’m fully awake. I interrupt, waving my hand around like I can put the words back in her mouth. “Shit, shit shite! Okay, no problem. Is he, like…ok, do you know where he is? Who has him? How the hell did this happen and why am I just finding out about this!”

Krolia lets out a breath, not breaking eye contact with me, “Yes, I do. They are essentially holding him for ransom and, and I, I left the Blades when they started negotiating with them, going back and forth over the details. Like he was a spacecraft or some bargain or trinket to haggle over. That is NOT acceptable. We are not in the middle of a war. I refuse to let him think I have given him up.”

I can literally see the sadness in her eyes, and I know, she’s thinking again. I recognize guilt when I see it. Continuing, she sits even straighter, “But, I have not been able to see him in over a… week, I think is your measurement? I asked Cosmo to bring me to Earth for help. And here I am. He brought me to you.”

I nod, pulling at my hair, thinking THANK GOD! While initially I was in the process of sitting; now I’m pacing the length of the room, trying to think and come up with a plan, a good one, one that gets Keith out in one piece. “Okay, okay, I can work with this. I’ve been working on a spaceship in my spare time and it’s functional though not pretty. I can call Shiro, Hunk and Matt, they can meet us. I’ll text my parents, and I’m going to let Lance know and either he can be our home base, or we can pick him up. Oh, and I have to let Coran know.”

Looking at her, then down at my half dressed self, “So shit, I need you to give me 10 minutes and we can leave.” I look back up to Krolia who has tears in her eyes. Oh no!!! I can’t take a mom crying. I have too much guilt from leaving my own mom, I can’t take this.

I impulsively grab her hands, “Hey! No worries, they don’t know who they messed with! We’ll get him back in no time. Honestly, I’m surprised we haven’t had to rescue him sooner! You know his winning personality and all.” I give her a small encouraging smile and not seeing any relief, I end up giving her a hug. I hate to see the worry in her eyes, it reminds me too much of the look my mom had, for far too long. And I know how much Keith loves his mom, he wouldn’t want her to worry. And it’s Krolia.

Krolia hugs me tightly for a few minutes.Then she leans back and looks at me and says somberly, “I prepared a whole speech. I thought I would have to try and convince you to come and help.” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, “You are breaking the rules, true? Cosmo obviously knew better than I who to come to. Thank you~~”

Impulsively I lean forward and give her another much longer hug, more of a squeeze, trying to stop the words coming out of her mouth. And I end up just hold her tight rubbing her back. “Hey, it’s okay!!!”

*Flash* Cosmo is suddenly here and cuddled up to the both of us. In his teeth he has something of Keiths? Maybe his shirt. Awwwww, “Hey boy, don’t worry we are going to get our guy!” I don’t know how long the three of us huddle together. But, we need to get moving. I need to do something!

I stand, take a deep cleansing breath and say, “Okay, first things first, let me get dressed, second let me make some calls and let the guys know what’s going on then Cosmo can take us in a flash to my ship.”

At her nod, I rush to my room, grab my bag and run into the bathroom. I’m rapidly calculating the logistics. What do we absolutely need, what would be nice and what might be a problem to get. Is the ship really ready? Do we tell any of the other team members or is it better if Griffin and the others can claim ignorance? As I get ready, I’m quickly coming up with lists and to dos. Rapidly making lists in my head I instinctively sort what needs to be done now and what can be saved for later. I need to move quickly because, well, it’s Keith. I don’t have time to go through proper channels. It’s imperative we get him back.

After I’m dressed and have gone over the lists in my head few more times, I finally feel ready enough to to call Shiro, fill him in and give him a list of essentials. He doesn’t hesitate to agree, saying he can leave the Atlas ASAP, but he does need to talk to Curtis first. I ask if he can clear the way with the Garrison. He quickly agrees, asking what he can take off my plate, what he can do, and given some duties he quickly hangs up focused and determined as ever.

Both of us are now completely concentrating on our individual tasks. Thank goodness, this is one of the times that I realize that Shiro really just steadies me. I don’t even need to see him in person, just hearing his voice tell me we got this, I believe we do. Not to mention that I trust him with my life. Yeah, that’s like solid gold.

Next is Hunk, who is on the Atlas as well, so luckily, I only have to make one stop. He quickly agrees and says he will meet with Shiro at the pickup point. I debate who to call next. I end up calling Lance, who I don’t want to upset, because he is going through such a rough time. I know I’ve been babying him, hell we all have. But ultimately, I feel like he has a right to decide for himself whether he wants to come along. He’s still part of us, the original team. He isn’t a kid and I know he has come a long way in the grieving process. Besides, how could I not tell him? That would be the ultimate insult even if I was just protecting him.

Or at least for me it would be. So, I take a deep breath and wonder if he will even answer, after all, it’s late for a farmer and Lance…is still dealing with things.

“Lance, Pidge.”

He kinda chuckles or wheezes? which is as close to a laugh as he gets now a days, “Yeah I know. Don’t you ever sleep? Did you forget how many bushels equal a peck?”

I smile, “Yeah, every decaphoeb or so I sleep and I know one bushel is four pecks, smart ass. Look, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no easy way to say this, so here I am. I’m going to do this my way and gonna just rip the band aid off. Keith has been…captured and is being held for ransom. The Blades want to wait and negotiate a return, which has no firm deadline. Krolia came to me and well, we are going to get him. You can come or you can coordinate for us from home or really whatever you want. No pressure, seriously, I know you are recalibrating and, shit, you don’t even have to come, I don’t know what I was even thinking. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even called, this is probably bringing up all kinds of”

Lance interjects, calmly, “Pidge.”

I sigh, “Yeah, I well, I still have to tell my parents and ask Matt if he wants in. Lance, really, whatever you want to do is fine. Take a little time to decide. Whatever you need.”

I hear him take halting breath, “If you think I won’t hurt your chances, or his, I want to be there. I want to help.”

I smirk, and can’t help but reply, “Dude since when has hurting our chances ever stopped you from coming along!”

He almost laughed again, replying “Yeah, yeah, ok, should I go to the Atlas? Will that be easier? Is that where you are all meeting up? How can I help you?”

I smile and nod, even though he can’t see me, “Yeah, um, the Atlas- that works. I’m getting supplies and will be in route shortly. So, um, I kinda made this, um, ship”

He interrupts, actually laughing, for reals, “Of course you did! Look, call your mom-don’t text! And EAT! I’ll be waiting for you on the Atlas. Sharpshooter out.”

I hit the hang up button, take a deep breath and call my mom. This is the call I’m kinda actually afraid of making. What if she says no. I mean, I’m going and all, but, I don’t want to hurt her. She’s been through so much and I still feel the pain of causing her more pain. While she never said she holds it against me, honestly, I don’t see how. I also don’t want to scare her but hostile aliens and me are not a good combo to mention.

And now, seeing Krolia, so sad and un-Krolia like really made me feel bad all over again for what my mom went through. And it was probably worse because she had no idea what happened to me. Which is why I’m calling even when I don’t want to. She listens to my rambling explanation, without saying a word, and ultimately just states, “Honey, just be careful, and, no arguments, Matt is going with you. NOPE, I just said no arguments. I’ll wake him and have him meet you at the ship. I assume you are taking the ship you are building, but correct me if I’m wrong. I’d hate to send Matt to the wrong place.”

“Mom…I…I’m…” softly, I don’t have a better response than “thanks.” I can literally feel my eyes well up with tears, God why do I want to cry?!

She must hear the tears in my voice because before I know it she says, “Honey, I’m your mom, what do you think, you have secrets?” Softly chuckling, she whispers, “Just, promise me, you’ll be careful. I know you have to go, and I’ll tell your dad. So don’t worry about that. But I need you to come back with your guy, safely and unhurt. Please. And thanks for calling first this time! I can see that your last punishment has really made a lasting impression.”

“Haha, yeah mom, just for you” but then what she said hits me…square in my red face, more seriously - I whisper furiously, “I love you, thanks for understanding mom, but you know he’s not my…GUY. He’s my TEAMMATE. I mean he’s ALL of our team’s person.”

My mom laughs and says “Sure thing, honey. You are right, because you always go off into space for people you don’t love! Let Krolia know I’m here for her and if you need back up, just call, seriously call, I’ll move heaven and earth for you” (is that a sigh) “always …love you. Be safe. Please.”

We hang up and I shoot a text to my dad, I know my mom is going to tell him everything but seriously, I may need back up so it is better to be safe and tell him what I know and share plans as I go. I grab my bag to leave and turn off the lights. No second thoughts, just going through my mental list, this is for Keith after all.

Krolia stands, “Are you sure? You are already done? Who can help?”

I look up, firm and resolute, ”It’s Keith” I helplessly shrug, “…we are all going.”

She looks kinda well, honestly, weird, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have dragged you all into this. Your mom must…”

I know where this is headed… nowhere helpful. She has to know that I’d move heaven and hell for Keith. Any of us would. So I simply, grab her arm and walk her out my door, making sure my door is locked (can’t have a repeat of two weeks ago) and hold onto Cosmo.

“Krolia, no offense, but you couldn’t stop me, or us. Any of us. And my mom knows I, or rather, WE wouldn’t leave Keith hanging. So, it’s cool.” I look around and make sure I have all the supplies that are necessary as well as the minor things like locking my door tight and things are turned off. “Alright, Krolia, let’s go get our guy. Cosmo, who’s a good boy?!? Please take me to my workstation, boy.”

As we flash out, I send a hopeful thought into the universe, please keep all those I love safe. Please.

[syms-things-5]

Clear The Area - Chapter Fourteen

Previous Chapter HERE

Warnings: Language, NSFW Language

Tags: @jennmurawski13 @kelbabyblue

Note: Apologies, this is a repost from yesterday for reasons I won’t go into now. i hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter Fourteen

Sarah jostled with the mail as she entered their building, trying hard not to knock over the newest fresh plant currently adorning the entrance. They usually took it in turns to handle the post and whatever parcels the Supervisor had signed for that day but she was starting to feel a little short-changed as Shanna had consistently more post coming her way these days. Sarah realised she needed to get out more. Carting everything up the stairs was starting to become its own workout. Today’s treasures involved two Nasty Gal packages, a package from Pottery Barn, a box from Amazon, and what appeared to be a free sample of a Louis Vuitton fragrance. Sarah might just keep that last one to herself.

Jocelyn had sent another care package of sorts her way but it only served to remind Sarah that she had not called her folks in over a week. Ever since the accident, Jocelyn had been so consumed with worry that she had taken to sending Sarah articles ripped form magazines and gift cards for relaxation therapies. Despite Sarah’s many protests to the contrary, Jocelyn was sure Sarah was struggling with some form of undiagnosed PTSD. She’d read about it in a magazine. “If affects upwards of half a million American every year, honey.”

After successfully dodging the neighbour’s schnauzer, she eventually reached their floor and was just about to turn her key in the lock when the door swung wide open. Before she had time to react, she was brought face to face with a stressed-out Shanna, hair dripping wet from a shower. Not her favourite Shanna it had to be said. Not even in the Top Ten.

She grabbed Sarah by both shoulders. “I don’t know what I’m going to wear, Sarah! I’ve got less than an hour!”

“And hello to you, too!” Sarah smiled broadly, almost comically so, before Shanna lowered her head in embarrassment and moved out of the way so Sarah could physically get into her own home. She held the packages up. “Maybe there is something in here?”

Shanna shook her head. “No, they’re more summery. More formal.” She’d started fluttering around Sarah in a panic. “Do you still have that leather midi skirt? Do you think I could fit into it?”

“Uhh yeh it’s in the back of my closet somewhere.” she remembered. “Might be a bit warm, though? What are you gonna wear with it?”

“Well it’s a punky kind of bar, think it has live music and stuff so I thought maybe that Rolling Stones t-shirt and the maroon boots? Keep my hair down and casual?”

“So basically all of my clothes?” Sarah retorted. Shanna pressed her hands together in prayer and gave her the best pitiful smile she could manage, one she knew Sarah couldn’t resist. Shanna seemed to genuinely like this guy and if this guy was as charming and as smart as she told her he was, Sarah was sure she would like him, too. Hell, he’d be best friends with Scott and Chris in no time so long as he enjoyed football, Sam Adams, and didn’t put points on Shanna’s licence.

“Give me five minutes and I’ll see what I can pull together. Do you wanna borrow that heart necklace of mine? If you’re wearing your hair down, it’s probably best you avoid wearing earrings unless you want me to cut you out of them again.” Sarah shouted as she walked into her room unaware that Shanna had followed her closely behind.

“Oh god I hadn’t even thought that far. You know what, I might just cancel. This is just too much right now and I’m not even sure if he really likes me as anything more than a friend.” She feigned a dramatic flop onto Sarah’s bed, one arm landing across her forehead. Sarah delved through her closet to locate the desired items. If Shanna was threatening to cancel the date already, it must be serious.

“How many of you are going to this club?” Sarah asked, emerging from the closet doorway.

“Don’t know. Think three or four from my department and another couple from his?” she responded, hopelessness evident in her voice. Shanna never did well with vagueness where guys were concerned; everything had to be black and white with her.

“Come on, you’ve still got time.” Sarah encouraged as she carried some clothes and a couple of pairs of boots towards the bed. “Dry your hair and we’ll figure this out, OK?”

“Have I told you how much I love you lately?” Shanna pouted and Sarah tried to shrug off the pit growing in her stomach from her words. Shanna used every ounce of energy she could muster to get up and drag herself back into the bathroom leaving Sarah shaking her head.

It was only a rare occasion when Shanna took less time getting ready in the bathroom. Sarah had fond memories of shouting through the door back when they were at college and deciding to move in together required a complete 180 degree shift in her expectations. Still, in less than half an hour, here she emerged fully dressed, primer and foundation applied, and hair dried accordingly. It was a miracle of epic proportions and if she hadn’t shoved some false eyelashes into Sarah’s hand, Sarah would have snapped a photograph to send to the family as evidence that their little girl was growing up.

Thanks to her professional, steady hand, Sarah was always the eyelash-fixer among their group. While fixing a couple of lashes to the corners of her eyes, Sarah’s phone buzzed. It buzzed a couple more times in quick succession and she would have managed to ignore it had it not been for Shanna’a roving eye.

“Looks like someone wants you.” she murmured, trying her hardest not to move as Sarah held the glued lash in place with some tweezers.

“It’ll just be Audrey probably.” Sarah responded in no rush to check for herself, keeping a firm hold on what she was doing.

Shanna tried glancing to her side one more time to catch who it was but couldn’t quite make it out. It buzzed again. “I’d hate for you to miss out on a date with Greg on account of helping piece my pathetic love life together. Oooh maybe we could double-date!”

Shanna’s exclaim nearly caused Sarah to lose her grip on the tweezers but a sharp intake of breath convinced Shanna to give up the inquisition. “Sorry. Sorry.” she held her hands up as an apology before feeling Sarah’s hands relax as she moved across to the other eye.

Sarah was pleased to see Shanna eventually leave their apartment. Not because she wanted the peace particularly but just because it was nice to see her get excited over a guy that wasn’t Ben. She looked gorgeous, too. Sarah was quite proud of her work. If it wasn’t to be a proper date, it definitely would be after tonight. Robbie would be an absolute fool to miss out.

It was only when she slumped dow onto the couch and spent the next hour or so flicking through television channels that she remembered her phone had buzzed earlier on. She reluctantly peeled herself off the sofa and retrieved it from where it had originally landed on her bedside table. Honestly, it was like Shanna had taught her nothing.

From just two messages, Chris had attempted some mild flirtation with her before asking her if she knew what in God’s Name Penhaligon’s was.

Sarah 8.19pm: Perfume I think. Pretty old school brand. Why?

Chris 8.23pm: Mom wants it for her birthday. Never heard of it before. Scott thought it might be some kind of scarf??

She googled the name to make sure. Last thing she wanted was to end up ruining Lisa’s birthday celebrations with a present she absolutely did not want. Her birthday was something she took with increasing seriousness as each year passed by and her children and grandchildren grew older in front of her eyes. There was always a party of sorts, a massive cake, perhaps a theme, and a “suggestion list” for possible gifts. Well, they say “suggestion” but rarely did anyone dare deviate from “the list”. Sarah hadn’t yet considered buying a present but if Chris was already looking, she would no doubt need to catch up.

Sarah 8.34pm: Yep, pretty certain it’s a perfume. Pretty pricey. Good shout.

Sarah started scanning through her phone as another couple of messages caught her eye, some she had accidentally missed from earlier in the day. One from Audrey. One from Greg that she was not expecting.

Greg 7.02pm: Great news! 29th is set up. All you need to do is say the word! Don’t know how long I can hold the spot open so let me know as soon as you can. Have a great evening x

It took her a moment to register what he was talking about.

Chris 8.37pm: Cool THX What are you wearing??

Sarah stared down at the phone. She felt light-headed. There was far too much going on for this time of the day. She wiped at her forehead with her sweater sleeve and took a deep breath.

Sarah 8.41pm: You wouldn’t be interested lol

Chris 8.42pm: try me..........

He had a surprising habit these days of cheering her up.

Sarah 8.46pm: Nah I look a mess. Get out while you can.

Her phone started ringing almost as soon as she’d pressed ‘send’, Chris’ name flashing on her screen. She contemplated not answering now that her mood had taken a turn but she knew he would work out something was wrong and immediately dive over.

“Hey,” she answered, trying for a jovial tone but coming up just south of delirious.

“Hey you,” he smiled through the phone, happy to hear her voice. “In all the years I have known you, Bernette, not once would I describe you as looking like a mess.”

She laughed down the line. She made the right decision.

“...you are far too cute to ever be a mess. Do you know that? Like, I can already picture you with your sweats on, your hair tied up, soft skin...” he trailed off with a low sigh that she was sure was filthier than he intended it to be. “Man, that really does something to me.”

“You really know how to charm a girl. Have you figured this Penhaligon’s thing out yet? Was I right?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

She laughed again. “Sorry. Sorry. I’m not great with flirting over the phone. You should know that by now.”

“Then do it with me in person.” he proposed as if it was the easiest solution in the world. As if she wasn’t going to be distracted with thoughts of work and studies enough to not focus on him entirely. And he didn’t deserve to be second best.

It would have been all too easy to allow him to come over. Forget about overthinking things again. There truly was no one better at making her feel good about herself these days. Like, honest, through-the-bone good about herself, whatever that entailed. Goosebumps raised on her skin at the thought.

“I’m pretty whacked to be honest and...”

“What’s going on? Are you feeling alright?” he asked, concern evident in his tone. Whatever he had been pottering about with in the background had stopped all of a sudden.

“Yes! Yeh, I’m fine. Just...I dunno, boring. Plus, it’s Friday night! You should be out with the guys or whatever. Shan said Scott is having issues with Zach again. Is he OK?”

He laughed at her second lame attempt to deflect. He knew something was going on and he knew she knew he wouldn’t give up easily.

“Is Shanna there?” he asked.

“No, she went out with some friends.”

“So why don’t you ask me to come over and I’ll make you feel better than fine?”

She was lucky she was sat down or that her legs were crossed underneath her as she lounged on the couch, her back against the arm rest. His tone was causing her to feel things she shouldn’t be focussing on. What must it feel like to always be confident of your effect on people?

“Do you wanna come over?” she asked, treading lightly, not entirely anxious should he decline.

“I’ll be there in twenty.” He ended the call almost as abruptly as he had dialled it.

She remained where she sat for a moment, Greg’s text message still lighting up her screen. She wasn’t expecting for things to suddenly be so easy for her and it was strange how opening herself up to more possibilities could cause her to feel so immobile.

She would need to move at some point and as a helpless and as confused as she now felt, she knew it would look far too obvious to Chris if she bid to make herself up. She also didn’t really have the energy to do so. Lord, Chris really should have taken the out when he had the chance.

“Have I just walked into a teenage girl’s bedroom?” Chris asked, taking a look around as he entered the apartment not long afterwards. He clearly found the scene amusing although Sarah couldn’t under stand why. It was partly Shanna’s home after all. He should be used to girly mess. “What’s going on?”

“Shan has a date. I was helping her to get ready.” Sarah replied, humourously holding up the hairdryer like a trophy before dumping it back in her bedroom. “Sort of, actually. She doesn’t quite know if it’s a date date or a friend date.”

“I was told those didn’t exist.” Chris smirked, reaching for a bottle of water from her fridge.

“Well, she’s dressed up for one. Looks gorgeous.”

“I think you look gorgeous.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Chris, you don’t need to make any more effort, OK? You’re already in the apartment.”

“I think it bears repeating is all.”

He swallowed half the bottle of water before fixing her with a semi-quizzical stare. He tried to figure out what was going on as he watched her potter around the kitchen table, swiping something away into a cupboard, phone grasped in her hand. “What’s going on? You sounded weird on the phone and now you look like it as well.”

“Nothing’s wrong.” she answered far too quickly and tried to shrug it off but his body language told her he wasn’t buying it. She wasn’t sure what was bothering her more in this moment; him knowing her too well, or that he knew he knew her too well.

“OK, alright, well, it’s Friday night and I’m happy just hanging out and doing whatever but you can also talk to me as well. I’m not a monster.”

“It was her turn to look back at him, unsure of her next move or indeed his. she wondered if he was very likely regretting his decision to meet her now when twenty minutes in the opposite direction would take him to one of his favourite downtown dive bars. Instead, he rested against the side of the kitchen doorway, arms folded, a softness still present in his facial expressions. He seemed hesitant of what to say and she didn’t like the slight awkward air surrounding them. She didn’t want to venture into work-territory either.

“Do you want me to go, Sarah?”

She looked back up at him after a short spell spent staring down at her feet. “No. I don’t want you to leave. I’m just...there’s something...” she paused to re-evaluate her words. “You know what, it’s find. It’s nothing major. Of course I’m glad you’re here now.”

He pushed himself off from the counter and moved towards her, accepting of the greeting smile now covering her face, the bottle of water still in his grip. “Cool. Shall I follow your lead then, or...?”

“Do you wanna watch a movie or something?” she suggested, more casually than he would have liked. She didn’t know what to say to him now that all of her brain space was taken up with possibilities and wanting to call Audrey with the news. Chris hadn’t factored in watching a film but she seemed like she wanted a little peace and quiet and he had pretty much dived into the apartment as soon as she gave him the green light, eager as he was to see her without threat of Shanna walking in at any point.

“Movie sounds good.” He bobbed his head in agreement, content in their surroundings for now.

*

At some point towards the end of Searching, Chris quietly excused himself to go to the bathroom. Realising something was about to happen and not wanting to have to explain it to him after he returned, Sarah put the film on pause and headed into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She had held him at an arm’s length for most of the night, the couch seeming longer somehow, but was now feeling a slight chill despite the thick sweater reaching midway down her thighs. He would no doubt have been cosy to snuggle up to but she was still pondering Greg’s message and couldn’t concentrate on much else.

Her demeanour hadn’t gone unnoticed by Chris. A couple of times he caught the glare from her phone screen illuminating her face from below and wondered who had gotten her attention this evening. He stopped himself from making an obvious joke and was disappointed that she hadn’t noticed him glance across at her several times during the movie. He wasn’t much interested in watching it. Telling the truth, he’d seen it via a DVD screener Matt had sent him months earlier but she’d mentioned she was looking forward to watching it and in all honesty, he had figured they would curl up together and he would have still gotten something out of it.

“Chris? Do you want a cup of tea?” she hollered from the kitchen doorway. No response for what seemed to be a long, long minute. She switched the kettle off and began pouring him one anyway. She could always drink two if he didn’t want it.

“Chris?” she shouted again.

She walked into the lounge to place the cups down and clocked the bathroom door ajar and seemingly empty. Maybe he left without telling her. In all fairness, she wouldn’t have been surprised or annoyed. She’d barely given him a moment of attention for the last two hours.

She wandered slowly down the hallway first passing Shanna’s bedroom before reaching her own and finding him stretched out across the bottom of her bed. She giggled and leaned on the side of the doorway. He looked rather comfortable. A little too comfortable. Maybe he wanted some company?

“What are you up to, Evans?”

He tilted his head up to find her standing there. “I was wondering how long it would take for you to notice I was gone.” He leaned up further and rested on one arm to fully take sight of her. His eyes appeared a little dopey, a thing that always seemed to give away his nefarious intentions. From the angle he was now lying in, the size of his bicep looked ridiculous. It could not have been an accidental move and she’d be lying if she said it wasn’t working for her.

“Are you bored? You can absolutely go if you have a better offer, I promise I won’t mind.” she offered by way of an apology but he stayed looking at her, not moving or responding to her offer. Being caught under his glare like this was unnerving to say the least. His hair looked a little messy from where he had been lying down yet he still made zero effort to move at all.

“I’m not bored.” He finally spoke, sincerity lacing his voice. “Are you? You seem distracted tonight.”

She didn’t know how to respond except to say he was right and to apologise again. She hadn’t figured out what to say to Greg yet so explaining her thought process to Chris wasn’t going to get her very far. It was times like this, when he was looking at her like that, that she wished she had the confidence to try and shut him up the old-fashioned way.

“Come here...” It was barely a whisper and she would have doubted he had spoken at all if it wasn’t for the hand he was now holding out towards her. He didn’t blink once.

She couldn’t refuse him and moved slowly to stand in the middle of his now-parted legs hanging off the end of the bed as he sat up. She watched as he closed his eyes when he felt her fingers smooth through his hair. There was something so calming about her touch, the deliberate graze of her nails sending little shocks down his spine. He wasn’t normally fussed by a woman playing with his hair even if occasionally he liked it when they pulled on it but something about her slow, tender touch was unlike anything he had felt before.

He moved his hands to the side of her thighs before pulling her legs down to either side of him. “I love looking at you from here.” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist making sure she couldn’t get away from him.

She moved in to kiss him, softly at first before she felt his tongue glide along her bottom lip, a wordless request for her to open up. He paused for a second, taking her in while she caught her breath before kissing her deeper than before. She pulled his t-shirt up from the hem and he reached up over his back to grab it and whip it off in record time. Not one of his proudest moments, it caught on his watch as he tried and failed to fling it to the side of them and he made a mental note to try that move again when he felt her chuckle against the side of his neck. He didn’t much mind being a dork in front of her. She knew he wasn’t as cool as he made himself out to be.

His hands found their way into her hair as he caressed the strands out of her face. He loved how silky it felt between his fingers and how faintly it smelled of coconut, her signature smell by now. Her hands gripped his wrists before slowly moving up his biceps and grasping at his shoulders while he pulled her down onto him to allow her to feel how hard he was becoming from her touch. He wanted to know she was only thinking about him. She felt him push up into her core and arousing her even more. His breaths were getting shorter while his hands moved down her sides in an attempt to hook into her leggings and drag them down and off her body. She moved a hand away from his shoulders to help him with his mission but a tapping sound soon broke her from her reverie.

“Wait.” she was still holding on to his arms to steady herself until things went quiet and his hands froze on her waist. Their breathing levelled out quickly and Chris threw her a confused look. “Do you hear something?”

“What?” He gasped. “No, nothing.” He grabbed the back of her head and pulled her back down to kiss him hard. His hands firmly gripped her ass until she was putting pressure back where he wanted it. She quickly forgot what she was thinking about while he moved her slowly along his growing length. He moved one hand up her side, dragging her sweater up with it so his fingers could finally feel her skin underneath. Her hands were pushing down on his chest a bit harder and in a moment that took her by total surprised he quickly flipped them over so she was lying underneath him, completely encased by his strong forearms.

Kissing her was so easy he couldn’t believe he hadn’t done it sooner. Her lips were soft, some of the softest her had ever touched. He figured she kissed like she wanted to be kissed, and he wanted to kiss her back like no boy had ever kissed her before. It was soft and hot and breathy and turning him on immensely. Neither was trying to win a battle but rather seeking and enjoying their closeness, the sharing of this one single sensation, outside world be damned.

The prospect of being uninterrupted was giving him all kinds of ideas. Her breathing was hot against his skin and he knew she was in the zone with him. They’d never particularly been slow and up until this point, he hadn’t much minded but he knew there was some part of her she was holding back and honestly, it was thrilling to him that he was determined to figure her out.

Pinning her underneath, one hand reached down and grazed the inside of her thigh. A little more pressure just over her clit caused her breath to hitch with a sudden squeak ever so slightly until they smiled back into their kiss, tongues massaging together. Honestly, he could carry on doing this for hours if he knew for sure there would definitely be another time they had this opportunity.

She opened her eyes to find him resting so close above her and evidently relishing the way she was lightly tickling the back of his neck with her fingers. Another languid kiss followed before he caught the side of her neck between his teeth and pushed himself against her core, her wetness increasingly apparent to him. She was growing accustomed to his need to tease her like this that she almost missed the scraping sound that had returned, only this time it was louder and sounded like it was coming from just down her hallway. She would have loved nothing more than to continue focussing on the hot breath now ghosting across her neck and shoulders but, panicking, she grudgingly pushed him off her.

“Fuck, what is that?”

Helpless and slightly dazed, all he could do was watch her get up from the bed to stand by the door. With an ear close to the gap, she listened out for another sound. Quieter than before, she swore she heard what sounded like shuffling followed by something being dropped on the ground.

Spying him about to protest, she shook her head. “Nope. Nope, that’s definitely something.” She proceeded to tiptoe out of her room and down the hall towards the kitchen, her bare feet treading ever so lightly and managing to dodge the one creaky floorboard. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting to find but felt a brief surge of confidence knowing the vision of Captain America might alarm whoever was attempting to break in to her home and presumably try to murder them both. He was 6 foot and built like a tank, he could absolutely save them both if push came to shove.

Of course, no one was there that she could immediately see. Maybe something had fallen off the wall instead, or perhaps had been knocked over by a strong breeze coming in via the open window in the lounge? Maybe she was hearing things after all or maybe it was a burglar but they got startled and ran away when they heard footsteps inside. Maybe it was just their neighbour moving around next door but it sounded a little too close for that. She resorted to the only thing she could think of in that moment and picked up a spatula just in case.

Chris was reluctantly putting his t-shirt back on when he followed quietly behind her, shaking his leg to relieve some of the tension in his boxers. Something banged again but this time she was sure it was coming from outside of her front door. He could now hear it as well but wasn’t entirely sure what she was hoping to accomplish with a plastic spatula in her hand.

She held her finger up to her lips to stop him from making any noise and peered through the peephole. She couldn’t see anything. Gingerly, she decided to open the door and jumped backwards when there, on the ground hunched up and leaning against the door frame, was a rathe intoxicated Shanna. Her bag had been emptied in a hurry like she’d been trying to locate her keys, and her coat was falling off her shoulders. She was half-asleep.

Chris snorted from somewhere close behind Sarah unable to contain himself, instantly familiar with the view in front of him. Sarah exhaled with some kind of relief that they were safe from a mass-murderer.

“I don’t believe it...” she spoken quietly.

“I do!” Chris could barely stop the laughter coming out now.

She and Chris moved to help her into the apartment, each grabbing her under one arm. Chris bared the majority of her weight while Sarah carried her bag and as a many contents as she could find. They managed to manoeuvre her into her bedroom where she promptly fell forward, head first, onto her bed,

“Fuckin’ waster,” he laughed heartily before Sarah punched his arm to stop him  from waking her. the room fell silent for a moment before the unmistakeable sound of Shan snoring took over. Chris closed the door behind them before following Sarah to the kitchen where she collected the remaining items that had fallen out of her bag. Picking up her phone, she checked for scratches.

“Well at least she didn’t lose it this time,” she held up the mobile to him but noticed he couldn’t stop grinning. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” he shook his head. “I just wish I’d taken a picture of her. Scott would have a heart attack. Always told her she couldn’t handle her drink!”

“i don’t know how you’d explain getting hold of a photo of her.”

“Oh yeh, good point.” he chuckled in reponse. They regarded each other for a moment, Chris clearly hopeful they could pick up from where they left off.

“I think you should go,” Sarah thought apologetically.

He paused before answering, expecting her to have been joking. “Why? She’s passed out on her bed. She’ll be asleep for hours. Do you have any idea how many times I have seen her like this?”

“Have you any idea how many times I have seen her like this? She’ll wake up in the middle of the night and get into bed with me and it’d be a lot easier to handle if I didn’t have to explain to her why her bother was also there.”

“Sarah, we could throw a rave and she wouldn’t wake up.”

He was making no effort to move, instead fixing her with a stare waiting for her to recognise how ridiculous she sounded. His hands pinched at his hips and he looked a foot taller than before

“Seriously, Chris, you’re just going to have to leave.”

He took a couple of steps towards her, bare feet padding along the hard, cold floor. “I haven’t see you all week.” He moaned, hands reaching out for her hoping the memory of where they had been would be enough to convince her he should stay.

“That’s not true. You saw me the other day.” It was a weak response. Even she knew that.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

She offered back nothing. She had no response. He was disappointed and equally as frustrated with his lack of a decent comeback. He should definitely stay. He should be rocking her world right this moment and whispering filthy things into her ear but instead, all he could do was stand there and shake his head in defeat. When he made eye contact with her again, she looked somehow smaller in some way and he found it hard to continue being frustrated with her. He understood what she was doing as much as he didn’t want to.

Resigned, he shuffled towards her and embraced her in a hug. She felt him semi-hard against her tummy, briefly doubting her choices. It stirred something exciting inside her to think she could make him feel that way and mentally chastised Shanna for cock-blocking her. She felt bad for kicking him out like this.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you.” she whispered.

He loosely pulled away from their hug and looked down at her. He playfully raised an eyebrow and looked down at her lips, still pink and swollen, before chastely planting a kiss on them.

“I am absolutely going to hold you to that.”

*

Shan finally made an appearance the following morning looking like death warmed up. She’d somehow managed to remove her clothes but had a pyjama top on backwards and her hair was sticking out in all directions. She had Sarah’s expert eyeliner and a false lash smudged down one cheek.

Sarah was eating breakfast and checking the news on her phone when she saw the creature from the black lagoon emerge into her kitchen. Stifling a laugh at the sorry sight standing before her, she felt a pang of sympathy seeing every step cause her pain. Shan just pouted at her before taking a seat at the kitchen table, resting her forehead in her hands while Sarah fixed her a glass of juice and some aspirin. She took it gratefully before groaning.

“Remind me never to do shots again.” she stressed. Sarah knew it wouldn’t last, not with that Boston blood coursing through her veins. “Was Chris here last night?”

Sarah froze, a sudden ring clouding her ears. “Erm, no, he wasn’t.” She turned to put her bowl in the sink and tried to hide any blushes. She didn’t know who felt more like shit in this exact moment.

“Oh I could have sworn I heard him is all.” Shan said, more to herself than to anyone else. “God, it’s good he wasn’t. He’d have a ball game seeing me in that state. How awful was I?”

“Not very,” Sarah lied again.

“How did I even get home?” she asked, trying to piece together the flashes of memories that kept racing through her mind.

“Um, I think your friends dropped you off in a taxi and you somehow managed to get up the stairs but then I guess you couldn’t find your keys...?” Shan managed a puzzled look. “You were slumped against the front door.” She refilled her glass with juice. “You’ve been in bed for, like, twelve hours.”

“Shit, we must have started early.”

“Well it happens to the best of us.” Sarah sat next to her and pushed a loose piece of hair out of her sweaty, red face. “Your hair looks OK! I don’t think there is anything stuck in it this time.”

Shanna laughed for the first time before her head panged in revenge.

“So? Did anything happen with Robbie?” Sarah asked, a cheeky grin crossing her face. By the look on Shanna’s face, the answer was a resounding “no” but it could very well have been the alcohol-induced hurricane currently running though her head.

“Well, it was a great night regardless. You’d love the bar. I think we ran into that guy, the porter from your hospital? Pat something? Did you know he plated in a band?”

“Um, no, not at all. Wow.” Sarah was trying to picture Patrick with an array of different instruments to see which suited him before remembering the awkward time he attempted to drum Phil Collins’ ‘In The Air Tonight’ with two scalpels. “Actually, he does seem the type. I’ll have to let Audrey know. She’ll love this.”

“He sounded pretty decent. It’s not just punk music or heavy rock. I think we should all go one night. Maybe as part of Mom’s birthday week.” Shanna perked up a little, proud of the idea that had materialised in her head against all odds. “It’s amazing what people can do when they put some effort in. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Where you might be now if you just took a chance.”

Following a night of heavy drinking, Sarah wasn’t expecting such an existential conversation at this point in the day. But it was a good point regardless. She grabbed her phone from the table and typed out a message to Greg.

“Yes. I’m in.”

*

[shy-magpie]

RQG 157

these things get long and are by definition one spoiler after another, so live blog under the cut

pre episode nonsense:

My hopes for this episode are mostly just the obvious: For Zolf to pull out of his spiral; for Azu to talk to someone about how she's doing; for Hamid to find his footing with the Kobolds (loving that they are devoting a proper arc to using unearned privilege/power rather than pretending it doesn't exist); more Cel lore; a Wug; and for someone to shake answers out of the Brorb. Not sure Alex is going to let us get to know the kids individually which makes sense as juggling 7 new NPCs would seriously cut into everyone else's screen time. I think we will get more of Skraak & Hamid working through their issues, and Skraak's helping the kids through recovery. If we are very lucky maybe Zolf & Skraak will talk rather than just have Zolf resent the Kobolds for putting Hamid in a place to fall into old habits. Okay lets hit play!

Episode live blogging:

Intros are quick: Zolf sounds low, Ben sounds higher energy than he was.

Oh the Brorb drawings come better when the other half is distracted but not thinking about the real topic.

Krakens are through out the globe, unknown numbers, not true instances of Shoin, network is down.

Cel and I both react to having Shoin be the one to come closest to a truly non physical form.*

Krakens are cloned brains in robot bodies. Specifically said Daleks not Jurassic Park.

Shoin thinks he sent a ransom note using the Kraken as a threat against the world.

Does not handle it well when Zolf hones in on that no one knows who he is, much less trembles at his name.**

Hamid follows Zolf's lead and twists it towards boasting about beating the Infection. The talking half doesn't seem to know how he did it as clearly as the drawing bit. Unfortunately its strictly surgical which would be hard to reproduce at scale even before you consider the side effects.

Quick huddle with the rest of the team:

Cel always wanted to go to London?

Zolf wants to ask more about how the infection works so they could prevent infection. Wilde thinks he is suggesting using Shoin's solution, I get Alex has to catch people up but I don't like Wilde being a paragraph behind me or underestimating Zolf.

Bryn wants to review the diary. Alex confirms the diary says he had a possible  way to "end it" as a whole.

They go back and Cel feigns being extremely impressed that Shoin might have a way to stop the infection. I think having time to regroup cut him off from his memory of the infection again. Alex spells out Shoin loses coherence whenever they bring up the infection/the time period around when he was infected.

Heal check time. Zolf crit fails. Azu got a 29 and can see where his theory was better than his surgery. It may be an aphasia (issues to with communication. can't get to certain words, some can't be spoken even if he understands the concept; others he can't understand if he hears them even if he uses the word/concept himself. Brain trauma, memory problems more severe the more recent you get, sounds like unable to store short term memory properly so anything longer ago than a week but after surgery likely lost.)

Cel switches to the simulacrum. He verbally dismisses it as a waste of time. His hand keeps drawing based on the previous question re:stopping the infection.

Alex calls for a sense motive. Zolf & Azu see the latest drawing is a landscape using technical notation. Its a barren mine. Yes! it's the entrance to Svalbard. Cel can see its a circuit. Alex makes us/Lydia wait until after he's done with the simulacrum stuff.

Shoin thinks using humans as your base design to improve from is the wrong approach, gives some credit to Francois Henri for taking a different approach.

The circuit maybe to transmit something, it needs an organic component. Cel couldn't roll much better then that so they probably need to kick it towards the Harlequins to set a team on.

Shoin is moaning about paying the bills. Took on the contract to provide Simulacrum fluidics to Damascus for the money.

Drawings change shape get less technical and focus on the cavern entrance. Ben catches it sounds yonic, Alex was trying to not go there but did he really think you could go from cave imagery to seed imagry without stopping there?

Hamid tries to get more on how he caught the infection.

Bryn and Alex spell out that to get answers you ask a real question he won't answer verbally but will answer with his hand, with a decoy to keep the talking him distracted while the hand answers.

Decoy question is about Harrison Campell.

Concept drawing of a person, overwhelmed by an image of a huge figure with lines going from the small to the large? Is he suggesting they plant someone they prepare to be infected, and have them infect it back?

Proofs? Minor changes between the proofs and published version of early Campbell books.

Another review session upstairs. Hamid's red string wall got cited as being useful! Cult of Hades/Wellington may have been the one to hire Shoin to make parts for Damascus. Zolf and Hamid talk briefly, about work and as dry "stick to the subject" as possible but they are talking productively.

Oh Ben finally gets in that the interrogation is hard on Zolf's knees because he has to keep his legs out of the cell. He snaps a little at Cel when they comment on cell vs Cel. Carter suggests "naughty box" which nicely derails that point of tension. Cel refers to Shoin as being more pleasant to talk to than Carter. Not sure if that undermines the tiny Cel/Carter ship or fuels it with tension.

Cel asks who hired Shoin to make Sim parts. He can answer directly. Well directly for him, it seems to be mostly justifying stealing Tesla's work on the basis that Tesla wasn't going to implement his theory. Hamid snipes him with a shot praising Edison to get him back on topic. Shoin says Edison was being backed by a big investor. Is it to much to hope this is Alex finally consolidating the factions? If Hades is Edison's investor (leaving Edison & co as effectively their minions, rather than a faction of their own) and the factory owners we can cut down on sides considerably.

He goes on about how he spied on Henri, religion as money maker. Shoin was directly approached by Hades lot. Shoin made sure his bits won't work since he didn't want competition. Wellington was his contact with Hades. Wellington always had a pair of cloaked figures.  Vinegar + squizard = funny? Could be useful.

Do not follow what is going on with the hand.

Shoin is still unstuck in time and thinks he is going to connect them. Cel unplugs the speaker on his villain speech. Cel induces a dream state by powering him down

~break~

Cel suggests  painlessly killing him. Zolf seconds the idea because its immoral to keep him like that.   Hamid points out the longer the keep him around the more likely it is for someone to be infected. Wilde rules they should kill and seal it off.

Cel & Zolf have an argument about having the Kobolds handle the remains. Cel calls Zolf out on his inconstant stance on whether the Kobolds can be infected because if he doesn't believe that then he is risking them.

Wilde is moving on? Cel suggests letting the Brorb die, putting it in a bag of holding, keeping the bag in the anti magic field.

They can't just call Einstein because using unofficial channels is bad when irregular behavior is a sign of infection(?)

Alex's unhealthy attitudes about productivity are called out when he refers to the time Wilde spends thinking/planning before getting their transport arranged as "working" (with the inverted commas) rather than considering it part of the work.

They work out possible paths if teleporting is off the table.

And the boys are snapping at each other again. Zolf, you can't flip out every time you are reminded that Hamid doesn't have the experience or expertise of a seasoned sailor. Yeah you did leave the team without your skills and maybe the kid was a bit green for a field promotion; but you know what? He did a fine job, and the other choices were Sasha, who wouldn't lead, and Bertie, who shouldn't. Just because stepping down was the right thing to do, doesn't mean you get to lose it when you are confronted with the mere allusion to the idea it had consequences.

Barnes tells Hamid why going over the pole is a really bad idea. That Azu's suggestion is carrying Hamid has troubling symbolism.

Zolf actually comes more or less to Hamid's defense by pointing out that all their options are bad options, so having a go at Hamid's idea in particular is unwarranted.

I'm not going to bother listing out options. They will pick one or won't need to pick one. If we have been a very good fandom Alex may reward us with Earhart coming back as their preferred transport.

There we go, Hamid suggests her, Zolf seizes on the idea compliments Hamid on it, and immediately takes it to Wilde. Thank God he isn't so far down he can't do that. If he isn't compulsively shooting down any hope (especially from Hamid) then he really is on the upswing from the low brought on by quarantine stress.

Lydia isn't happy that there isn't going to be an American chapter. Then again we wrote off Svalbard, so don't give up!

Its the Northwest Passage and its so weird realizing that not everyone has it as a cultural reference. Wonder if it's an Oregon thing or a US thing.

Yes it would have been cool, but I think Alex is not going to let us have cool new story arcs when we haven't played with the ones we have at home.

Einstein and Earhart are our two best transport options. I am a happy fan. Especially if Zolf has to use his family and Earhart’s reaching out to him near the end of the journey to appeal to her. I mean we did get more on Zolf's relationship with his family than I expected after Paris, so I'm not going to sulk if they don't pursue this, but it would be nice.

Conflicted as a fan, its hard to remember that this taking months extra is a bad thing when the end of the series is feeling too close for comfort.

Zolf, look at you leveraging your experience with moving even when things feel hopeless!

Cel I love you, kraken as submarine is brilliant. Air kraken is suggested by Carter.

Hamid plays with the ideas while Alex goes "why?". Because you are going to have to work a hell of a lot harder than that if you want Hamid to see it as a no win situation rather than proof he needs to redouble on cheerful creativity. Feeling like he had no options led to the worst parts of Hamid's life, the things he is truly ashamed of; having few losses outside of those, he is going to make Kirk's Kobayashi Maru hang ups look amateur.

Zolf is heading to the beach.

Cel is checking on their village.

Hamid wants to contact Einstein himself, Zolf says he should talk to Wilde about that. Hamid wants Zolf with him for that meeting. Zolf either doesn't want to be a safety blanket, wants Hamid to get used to dealing with Wilde directly, or completely missed Hamid offering a chance to work together because he is incapable of seeing Wilde as an opponent. He does say some nice things about being a team.

Hamid tells Cel to say hi to Jasper for them. He is good at the people side of leadership. Remembering names and relationships, knowing how to show he cares because it's important to Cel without overstepping. If Zolf can learn to let go of the rank stuff, they could be an unbeatable team of co leaders.

Zolf nods at Azu. Azu smiles proudly back. Alex jokes about not liking giving them time to heal because they coordinate.

Hamid offers hugs to both Cel and Zolf. Because this entire character is a "fuck you" to toxic masculinity and he is not afraid to openly show affection to his friends.

Cel gives him a great hug.

Zolf hesitates but gives him a pat on the shoulder. Hamid's has high enough charisma to make that not awkward. Good kid, accepting that Zolf is reaching out as far as he can.

Hamid talks to Skraak. Hamid is worried about taking the kids. Maybe Skraak can convince them to stay & help Jasper with science. Because RQG loves us and wants us to be happy, they are considering a fantasy some of us harbored since "science" as a serious possibility. Could solve the issue with Alex not wanting the kids to take up too much screen time too. Skraak is the perfect character for Hamid to have as his second. He believes in Hamid, and can be confided in, but isn't going to take an ounce of self pity or bullshit.

Alex that village better be okay. Smoke? Controlled burn. Ben lightens the mood. The tank is still guarding the village. The barricade is up but they are guarding about as well as a village of level 0(1?) characters can be expected to.

They are having a party and there is a bon fire. Because Alex knows we wouldn't have trusted him if there wasn't a little scare with the smoke. !puns

The village is visibly healing since the weather is fixed. They thank Cel but know better than to ask.

Jasper! Jasper is looking good. He stepped in as a leader of the village. Cel and I could burst with pride. Jasper thinks Cel is coming to stay, Cel tries to explain they are going to help save the other villages around the world and mentions that Jasper would like the Kobolds.

!puns

* One day I need to hunt down the right corner of SF because there has got to be a decent amount of trans humanist fiction for trans humans out there somewhere.

**Not sure if I should feel bad for hoping this gives him a safe target for his destructive tendencies. Ideally Zolf would get past that point without indulging his dark side lest he reinforce bad coping mechanisms. Ideally Zolf would have weekly therapy without the fate of the world on his shoulders too. Its the more personal version of looking forward to a fight after Hamid's been stressed because he seems to find cooking baddies cathartic.

[fuckyeahwarriorwomen]

Copy of article below thge cut, should the original ever go away

Leading up to the 20th anniversary of the March 10, 1997 premiere of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Yahoo TV is celebrating “Why Genre Shows Matter” and the history of how these shows have tackled universal themes (e.g. how much high school sucks) and broader social issues.

Perhaps because they seek to imagine the world that’s possible rather than the world that is, genre shows have a long tradition of striving to expand the horizons of what’s possible for women on television. Within the realm of space operas alone, there’s a direct line that connects Lieutenant Uhura’s prominent perch amongst the Enterprise‘s largely male bridge crew on the original Star Trek to The Expanse‘s fiercely independent engineer, Naomi Nagata. And each point along this continuum helps inform the next: commanding officers like Babylon 5‘s Susan Ivanova and Voyager‘s Kathryn Janeway are linked by a devotion to duty, if not necessarily temperament, while Killjoys‘ scrappy bounty hunter, Yala, could have been a student of Firefly‘s highly-skilled soldier, Zoë Washburne. On this International Women’s Day, we celebrate the accomplishments of one such influential intergalactic heroine.

Her name is Aeryn. Officer Aeryn Sun if we’re being formal, one of the interstellar outlaws at the center of Farscape, the wildly ambitious Australian/American space serial that ran from 1999 to 2003 on the Sci-Fi Channel. Bred from birth to be a loyal Sebacean soldier in the Peacekeeper army that patrols her section of the galaxy, Officer Sun switches careers after inadvertently ending up aboard a living spaceship named Moya that’s occupied by a motley crew of jailbreakers. These convicts-turned-comrades include towering warrior Ka D’Argo, blue-hued priestess Zhaan, flatulent deposed despot Rygel XVI, and John Crichton, an Earth-born astronaut who is very, very far from home. Created by Rockne S. O’Bannon and produced by The Jim Henson Company, Farscape enjoyed a bumpy four-season stateside run that ended prematurely when the network declined to fund a fifth and final year. (Sci-Fi later aired, but didn’t finance, a wrap-up miniseries, Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars, in 2004.)

The original cast of ‘Farscape’ (Credit: Everett Collection)

One of the joys of Farscape is that its defining house style is the lack of a defining house style. Episodes can range from standalone homages to body-switching comedies and vintage Loony Tunes cartoons to densely plotted multi-part stories that don’t conclude with conventionally happy endings. The primary constant amidst this narrative and tonal juggling is the turbulent love story between Aeryn Sun and John Crichton. Revisited today, Farscape stands as something of a bridge between eras of space opera, linking the last wave of episodic space adventures like Star Trek: Voyager and Stargate: SG-1 to the intensely emotional serialized narratives that later drove Battlestar Galactica and its ilk. Aeryn is both a traditional and transformational figure as well; raised to be an impersonal enforcer in the Imperial Stormtrooper mold, she comes to live out a promise that John makes to her in the very first episode: “You can be more.”

“Oh, I’ve got chills down my arm,” says Aeryn’s alter ego, Claudia Black, as she reflects on the character and those prophetic words nearly two decades later. “Her evolution as an individual takes off in an extraordinary way [after that].” Over the course of Yahoo TV’s hour-long conversation with the Australian actress, it’s clear that she does regard Aeryn as an individual unto herself, one who took on a life that sometimes superseded the actress’s own. “I was always happy to hand the character off,” Black says. “I would say [to the producers], ‘If I’m going in the wrong direction then please find someone to serve Aeryn, please. Because she deserves to have the full love of a person who can give you what you need.’ She was honestly such a privilege to play, and I never abused that privilege.”

And Black very nearly didn’t get that privilege. The role had already been cast when she first auditioned for Farscape, but the creative team encouraged her to read for Aeryn anyway. That reading later led to a screen test opposite Tennessee-born Ben Browder, who would be playing John Crichton. (Interestingly, Browder’s casting is, in part, what opened the door to Black inheriting the role from the English actress who had originally been chosen as Aeryn. “Because of the Australian co-production agreement, if they brought in a lead actor from America, the second lead had to be Australian,” Black explains. “So thank god for our union!”) Immediately recognizing the crackling onscreen chemistry between them, Browder pushed hard for her to land the role over network skepticism. “I was a controversial choice for sure,” Black says now. “I was just lucky in the end.”

Whatever the circumstances of how she got the role, Black climbed aboard Moya with strong ideas about how to play Aeryn. Superficially, the character is part of the wave of warrior women that swept through genre shows in the ’90s and early ’00s, whose ranks included Xena, Buffy, and even Cleo of Cleopatra 2525 fame. But as conceived by O’Bannon and carried forward by executive producer David Kemper, who became a driving creative force behind the show, Aeryn cuts against that archetype as well. Unlike Xena, she doesn’t necessarily relish battle; it’s something that’s been programmed into her. (Although, as Aeryn memorably remarks in The Peacekeeper Wars: “Shooting makes me feel better!“) She also reverses the arc traversed by Buffy and Cleo, which begins with them in places of perceived weakness — as a cheerleader and exotic dancer, respectively — and leads towards empowerment.

Because of her militaristic upbringing, Aeryn starts from a place of fierce strength. Her journey over the lifespan of the show, then, becomes about softening what Black describes as Aeryn’s “jagged edges” without surrendering her agency. “I’ve always loved science fiction because of the way it affords us an opportunity to look at humanity from an outsider’s perspective,” Black says. “And Aeryn really gets to experience it firsthand the best way that humans can, which is through love, in all of its forms. When I look at humanity, and my own life, we have to break before we can grow. That’s really what happened with Aeryn; she became stronger with softer edges.” (For the record, Aeryn may start out as a superior fighter to Buffy, but Black says that Sarah Michelle Gellar would easily mop the floor with her in real life. “Sarah has a black belt in karate, and I have two left feet! I always felt like a bit of an imposter [as Aeryn] just on the physical front. If I could push the reset button, I’d go back and get good at some form of martial art.”)

But that stronger-to-softer arc is also more treacherous to navigate than a traditional empowerment story, flirting, as it does, with the fanboy-friendly stereotype of the buttoned-up ice queen whose resolve (and inhibitions) melt when love, generally in the form of a strapping male hero, comes her way. The risk of falling headlong into that tired trope is something Farscape had to deal with throughout its run, especially as the core of the show was always the romance between John and Aeryn.

And while that romance takes a number of unexpected twists and turns — most boldly in a Season 3 storyline that saw Aeryn committing herself fully to a cloned version of Crichton, only to see him die and then have to re-learn how to love the original John — it ultimately culminates with two staples of a standard love story: a marriage proposal and a pregnancy. “It seemed pretty clear to me that Rockne’s intention in the pilot was that this was going to be a love story for the ages,” Black says. Not only that, but it was a love story penned by a largely male writing staff who had their own opinions about how to depict Aeryn’s gradual acceptance of Crichton’s love that sometimes ran counter to Black’s feelings. “I recall moments where they wanted me to be more vulnerable with Aeryn, and I didn’t want to be because I didn’t think it was time and I didn’t think she was ready,” she says. “But it wasn’t my place to say.”

Nevertheless, she persistently found ways to make her voice heard, whether it was by talking one-on-one with specific writers or her co-star, who was equally eager to avoid certain genre show clichés. Black recalls one instance early on in the show’s run when Browder actively pushed back against Sci-Fi’s directive that John Crichton demonstrate the same sex drive as James T. Kirk. “They wanted Crichton to have an alien girl of the week. Ben put his foot down and said, ‘No, he’s not that kind of guy. This isn’t the story I want to tell.’ And on my side I was saying, ‘Yeah, what does that say about Aeryn if she’s going to fall in love with a guy [like that]?’ We wanted to investigate and have them experience the more positive aspects of attraction, as well as what’s worth fighting for and what’s worth dying for,” she says. “Maybe the show would have continued longer if we’d been able to please the network! They know what they’re going to need in order to keep [viewers] interested and tuning in. But we’re very proud of what we managed to make regardless, because of those choices.”

The ongoing battle that Black personally waged throughout Farscape‘s run was ensuring that Aeryn maintained control over her own body. In the genre shows of her era, the female leads were stronger and savvier than ever, and that translated into fashion choices that expressed their own body confidence and sexuality. Xena rode into battle in a heaving breastplate, while Buffy fought vampires in halter tops and Relic Hunter‘s Sydney Fox always donned a tight tank top before exploring some ancient tomb. But flashing cleavage, leg, and midriff also made those characters desirable pin-ups for the male audience courted by networks and advertisers. (Farscape added its own version of a pin-up type midway through the first season in the form of Chiana, a grey-skinned con artist with a plunging neckline and a voracious sexual appetite.)

But those fashions didn’t make sense for a soldier fighting in an army where men and women’s bodies were interchangeable. In fact, Black remembers reading a very specific direction to the makeup department in the production notes for the pilot. “When I take my Peacekeeper helmet off [for the first time], the note read in big print, ‘She looks masculine.’ They thickened my eyebrows — which are already thick! — and shaded my face in very minimal makeup. All of the on-set gallery images of me in the first season are with that very masculine makeup.”

Aeryn in her ‘masculine’ Season 1 appearance (Credit: Everett Collection)

By Season 2, though, Aeryn’s appearance underwent a noticeable change; her hair got longer and straighter, and her Peacekeeper uniform gave way to outfits that walked a line between practical and revealing. Black, who describes herself as a feminist, agreed to these cosmetic changes as she felt they were part of a “natural progression” for Aeryn. “I was honoring where she had come from at the same time having to find a way to let her grow into whatever it is she was going to become,” she says. (This clip from Farscape‘s aforementioned Looney Tunes-inspired episode, “Revenging Angel,” neatly summarizes — and satirizes — the female body types commonly featured on genre shows that Aeryn deliberately defies.)

Already objectively beautiful, Aeryn’s sexuality continued to emerge as she grew into her new self. Even so, Black could sense it wasn’t emerging quickly enough to satisfy certain expectations. “I felt that I was being pushed to show more flesh than was necessary,” she admits, pointing to one incident in the show’s fourth season where it was written into the script that Aeryn would sit poolside in a bikini. “I just said, ‘I will get in a bikini for you if it makes sense, but this woman’s world is falling apart.’ It was the last thing I thought Aeryn would do [in that moment]. It felt really frivolous and superficial to me.” (Black had already donned a bikini to play pregnant Aeryn in a hallucinatory scene in the Season 4 premiere. “They not only had me in a bikini, but they gave me a pregnant belly as well, which is really hard to pull off and make it look naturalistic,” she says.)

Black remembers shooting down an even more egregious bit of flesh-flashing in an earlier episode. As an international production, Farscape frequently shot extra scenes for certain ad-free European markets that would fill the time normally allotted for commercials. The cast referred to these filler sequences as “Euro scenes,” and they rarely involved big story or character beats. According to Black, this particular episode dispatched D’Argo and Aeryn on a planetside mission, and the writers cobbled together a Euro scene that she describes as “absurd.” “They said, ‘Let’s have a scene where we cut to them by a lake, and Aeryn turns and sees a bunch of soldiers across the lake. Aeryn takes off her clothes, swims across the lake, and fights these soldiers completely naked, then comes back to D’Argo and off they go.'”

In later seasons, Aeryn naturally progressed towards more revealing fashion choices (Credit: Everett Collection)

“There were so many things about it that were so bizarre,” she continues. “I said, ‘You know what, please explain this to me, how this honestly can fit in.’ In the end, they just said, ‘All right, fine — we won’t do it.’ That’s what I felt I was having to haggle for a lot of the time: my right to keep my clothes on until it was appropriate. I’ve always felt as an actor — and I’m sure other females have felt like this as well — that when you sign on the dotted line and enter the business that somehow you’ve given your body away as a piece of property, and you spend the rest of your career haggling for pieces of it back.” And the actress credits Browder with backing her up in her fight for Aeryn to be in full control of her own femininity and, by extension, her destiny. “Aeryn is really as feminist as I am, but she’s nothing without Crichton, which is an interesting statement to make,” she says. “So as much as we praise Aeryn, we must give full credit to Crichton and to Ben for shaping him the way that he did. It’s the space that he gives her. He’s such an exquisite champion of her growth and development, that it becomes possible for her to grow to her full size.”

In the 13 years since the concluding Peacekeeper Wars miniseries, rumors have occasionally flown about Farscape‘s return. At one point, there was talk of a webisode series following John and Aeryn’s child, D’Ago Sun-Crichton, but funding never came to fruition. (The show did continue in comic book form for a time, but publication ceased circa 2011.) Black, whose recent credits include stints on The CW genre shows Containment and The Originals, has no updates on any future revivals, and jokes that if Aeryn and Crichton ever do return, they’ll be “tired, ornery, and not really wanting another battle.”

Claudia Black as Dahlia on ‘The Originals’ (Credit: Annette Brown/The CW)

In a way, though, Aeryn’s larger battle has already been won. One of the breakout characters on Battlestar Galactica — which premiered in December 2003, nine months after Farscape‘s series finale — was Kara “Starbuck” Thrace, who displays some of the same steely spine, and jagged edges, of Officer Sun. And today’s genre TV landscape is populated with women who, consciously or not, reflect Aeryn’s assertiveness, independence, and refusal to conform to societal (or genre) norms of appearance or attitude, whether it’s Orphan Black‘s Helena, Sense8‘s Nomi, or Jessica Jones.

For this Scaper, she lives on off-screen as well. When my wife and I learned that we’d be having a daughter, we thought about all the things we wanted for her life. To know that she, and she alone, is in control of her body. To be strong in the face of injustice. To be confident in her own power. And to know that when she chooses to give her heart to another person, that person will be her champion, and give her the space to grow to her full size. And so we picked a name that, for us, would embody all of our hopes and dreams for the individual she’s becoming with each passing year.

Her name is Aeryn.