#god this is so much but i am simply too sleepy to pare it down

[densitywell]

ngl i think ashton is treated the same as beau was. people laud their character development of becoming nicer when it's really a cover for "finally, they're not a hysterical angry bitch anymore!" which you can tell because a vast swath of post-campaign content assigns beau the role of "background lesbian". obviously ashton is not a woman nor a lesbian but i do remember people more or less ignored them until they started to be nicer, and thus more palatable and shippable with laudna or orym

yeah lol i mean i remember seeing so many "oh i like Ashton now???" posts in the tag in the last 15 or so eps, especially after their post-reunion sea change. which like on one hand, fine! i cannot blame anyone for not vibing with someone clearly meant to be caustic and offputting, both on a character creation level and also as an intentional front in-character, even if Ashton and i are similar enough that it's like, i do not think you'd like me in real life, or at least me from 5 years ago. and i think it's based and epic to like characters who suck so bad, and i think some people just refuse to engage further with a character who is unlikeable or overtly flawed, which is how we get people who stan the Only Sane Man Moral Compass Hero's Journey version of Orym. but i also get that there’s a difference between a character being unlikeable in a way that's appealing and a character being unlikeable in a way that one personally finds fucking unbearable. it's a noble and difficult goal to enjoy and analyze a character in the latter category (this is a grand experiment i'm trying with FCG), so like if ppl can't do it i prefer them not saying anything until they have something nice to say, i guess.

But with all that being said, there are still big obvious chunks of Ashton's story that ppl mostly ignore or brush over. Namely their recent antipathy towards the gods, interest in the primordials not just for backstory reasons but as a source of identity and meaning, and reclaiming of Hishari imagery. i think there's this assumption that the ideas and beliefs Ashton is embracing right now are a temporary stop to his real destination as like, Champion of the Luxon Who Thinks The Gods Are Alright? or at least, if not a response to where they think he's going, then one to where they want him to go, because they think the persepctives he's currently embracing are Inherently Bad and Incorrect and that the narrative should/will correct him. (shoutout to the post i saw that suggested Ashton's hero arc was a reaction to them realizing they did the wrong thing in Hearthdell but not wanting to admit it lol. amazingly bad post)

[synthleeius]

A well deserved break

i lived😨 AHHHH missed writing so much ANYWAYSANYWAYS enjoy my rats 🫶🫶

paring: lee!reader x ler!venti

“Windblume..?”

You opened your eyes halfway, turning your head to look up. To see your favourite wind-wielding archon looking down at you, you couldn’t have had a better start to your morning. But, you had to admit.. it did seem a bit early. Looking out the windows of your teapot, you could see it was barely sunrise.

At this moment, you knew you wouldn’t be able to muster enough energy to talk at all. So instead of using your words, you decided to climb onto him and huddle yourself into his chest. Hearing him let out his signature giggle, you knew he approved.

“Love, it's only 6.. go back to sleep.” he murmured, stroking your hair. melting into the touch, you gave him a sleepy kiss on the cheek. “What.. what day is- is it?..” you said with a yawn, tucking your head under his chin. “its Wednesday.. why?”

“Wednesday…” you repeated, thinking to yourself for a second. Wednesday.. Wednesday…..

..oh.

God fucking damm-

You fully opened your eyes, letting out a long wine. “Windblume?.. What's wrong?” Your beloved asked, looking down at you for a moment.

As much as you wanted to lay in your lover's arms for the rest of time, you started to make your way to the door. Or.. tried to.

As soon as he heard you about to shift, he tightened his arms around you. “Huh?.. Where are you going love?” he asked, turning your face to meet his eyes.

“Just commissions.. and.. Lisa wanted me to help organise the library. Oh, and i agreed to help Jean with some knight work.. and-”

Suddenly, a finger pressed up to your lips. “Shh.. that's enough.” Venti hushed, “All of that stuff can wait until at least 10 in the morning, right?”

You sighed, “It can’t.. I still have to help Albedo with his experiment afterwards too, so I might take a bit.” You moved to get out from his hold, giving him a knowing glance when he didn't let go

“I’ll be back around 10-ish, okay?” You leaned in to kiss him again, this time on the lips. He melted under your touch, moving his cape to rest along your shoulders. “Now you have to stay in for a bit. C’mon.. just a few hours?...please?”

of course, you were honoured to be wanted by the anemo archon. In your defence, you really did need the primogems..

You sigh, turning your body towards him and hugging the god tightly. “I’m sorry Ven.. I really do need to go though. I’ll finish up as soon as I can, okay? I promise.”

Honestly, looking back at it,

you don't know why you thought that would work at all.

Him and you both knew that he was stubborn, and even more adorably grumpy when he's just waking up. Venti simply gave a grunt of disapproval, slipping his arms under yours and returning the embrace.

The bard tapped your back softly, alerting you to look up at him. You did as requested, only to be met with dove eyes looking back at you. “..Please? Come on.. please? pllleeeaasee? pleasepleaseplea-”

“Venti.”

You chuckled, pulling away to cup his head in your hands. “You know I love you, but you really can't reason with this. It's final, even your puppy eyes can't change fate.” you hummed, peppering kisses all around his face.

He quickly scrunched his nose up, smiling widely. “ehe- stohoap..” he giggled at the stupidness of his partner, his eyes squinting at you. You pulled back, returning the stupid smile. “Okay, now I really have to go. Want your cape back or am I leaving with it? Then, all of Mondstadt can know I'm yours~”

The archon blushed at the thought, looking back at you after averting his eyes on reflex. “You.. don’t know how much i’d love that..” he mumbled out, “But maybe.. you could just.. stay? only for a few hours..?”

You rolled your eyes playfully, “How many times have I said this? You can’t convince me Ven. People need help, and I’m here to serve their needs. I'm not called “honorary knight” for nothing you know..”

A small noise of dissatisfaction left Venti’s mouth, as he began to talk out his offer. “Just.. 10 minutes. Please? I won't whine anymore I promise!”

You thought about it for a moment, before giggling to yourself. “I suppose.. But, if I’m late I’m blaming it aaallll on my favourite bard you know~.”

Your partner shushed you, adjusting the both of you to lay back down as he wrapped you in his arms. “Is your plan to make me fall back asleep again? Because.. it's working..” you laid back, melting back into the pillow under your head.

Your partner moved closer, resting his head near your collarbone and leaned up to place small kisses around the area. Your shoulders slightly scrunched up, tightening your arms around the archon.

“hm.? ..oh. sorry, i forgot how ticklish you are~..”

The word sent a shiver down your spine, causing you to arch your back ever so slightly. Venti cooed quietly, “Don’t worry, don’t worry.. I’m not planning on completely attacking you. Just relax, okay?"

You couldn’t help but smile at him, well, literally, as he continued to dot his lips all around your neck and shoulders. “mmhp- Vehehenti..”

“Yess, my lovee~?” He giggled softly, pulling back and huddling you against his chest. Once he knew you were comfortable, his hands slowly moved to rub up and down your sides. “Yohohou..” Is all you could say in response, your brain short-circuiting from his movements.

“Awh.. are the tickles making your pretty little head all foggy, huh? You really need to relax more, you know..” He suggested, unknowingly teasing you. At his words, you let out a soft whine and tightened your grip around him; he's right, he was making your head all fuzzy..

His hands finally slipped under your shirt, causing you to gasp gently. You couldn’t help but try to twist away as you felt his hands curl into your sides, fighting the urge to slap a hand over your lover's mouth after he giggled at your antics.

“My dearest.. You really are rather cute, you do realise that.. right?” He said in a certain tone of voice that made you wanna hide under the covers and never come out, archons, he always knew didn't he?

“mmmph nohoho..” You whispered , unable to stop the sounds coming out of your throat. One of your hands held onto the back of his nightshirt, making sure your face was hidden into his chest and tucked away from his view.

“No? Are you sure?” He asked, taking on a fake confused tone. His nails began to trace circles around your sides, teasing the bottom of your tummy ever so slightly. You felt your body jump, unable to stop the giggles that poured out of your mouth.

“Fuhuck! Vehenti!-” You couldn’t help but yelp at his fingers, your body involuntarily squirming away. To no avail, he simply held you tighter to keep you in place to be able to continue. “That's me, your favourite bard~ How can I help you, sweetheart?”

You groaned in between your giggles, “Yohour so mean..” Is all you said, running out of things to say. “Oh, I’m the meanest am I? I'm just sooo evil, almost as evil as trying to leave me for 4 hours? Do you even realise how long that is? Hm?”

“Ihi dihidn’t mean to! I’m just buhusy todahAH-” You let out a loud sound of suprise, his nails trailing onto your stomach. One of his hands traced squiggly lines around the space and the other circled around your navel area.

“nonohEhaha!- fuhuck! Ihi’m sohorryy!-” You said, your body in a slight shock from the sensations. “plehehease! Ihi’m too tihired for this!”

“Your tired? Great! That means you’ll stay in today right?” He asked, not expecting an answer. After all, you knew that wasn’t a question, but instead a statement. “Buhut.. I have stuhuff to do..”

“I’ll take care of it, If they have a problem with you taking a rest for once then they can take it up with me.” He said, his index finger gently tracing just around your navel causing you to let out a soft squeal.

“VeheEhen! Ihi dohon’t knohow! Lehehet me thIHink!-” Your own laughter cut you off, trying to twist out of his hold. “Come on.. Just say yeess~” He giggled, using his other hand to move up to your ribs and digged in.

“FUHuck!- Ohokay! Whahatever! plehehease!” You resorted, moving both of your hands that you’ve been restraining the whole time to grab ahold of his. Finally, his hands slipped out from under your shirt and moved to hold you close.

“You work too hard, my love.. I know you don't think you want it, but your body needs this break. So.. Just this once?” He looked down at you with puppy eyes, his head tilting into the pillow.

“..I can’t say no, can I?”

“Precisely."

You sighed happily, rolling your eyes. “Fine, just this once.”

As you repeated his words, you could already tell this wouldn’t be the first time.. But, it wasn’t so bad right?

[tokyobts-blog]

sweet like candy

(gif not mine cr to the owner)

paring: kai x reader

genre: fluff, idol!au

word count: 2076

summary: you and jongin are both idols and in a secret relationship. after an award show you spend a cozy night at the hotel with him. jongin tells you he wants to stay with you and finally shares how he fell in love with you.

The car almost reached the hotel. You fell asleep in the meantime because the ride took so long. “Y/N you seriously have no patience” Jongin complained.

“Hey I heard that” you murmuringly answered. “Oh babe you’re awake?” he asked while he moved his shoulders. You once again fell asleep on him. How could you not though? It was actually so easy to get sleepy when you were with Jongin.

The boy was just too soft, it was unable not to drown in his sparkly brown eyes. Whenever he let out a word his voice hit you like a thousand rocks. You were for sure so in love with him.

“We’re almost there Y/N I promise” he whispered as he put you back to sleep.

The driver coughed. “Kim Jongin-ah” he said with a deep tone. “Yes?” Jongin immediately answered. “Is your partner sleeping again?” he asked. Jongin closed his eyes. For a second he prayed that this moment wasn’t real.

Having a partner wasn’t allowed as an idol. Jongin’s company was pretty strict too which made him fear sometimes. The world would go crazy if they’d find out about you two.

The both of you had a dating ban. You could ruin your and your entire company’s reputation by just dating. Your fans might as well transform into antis. Your antis would make you feel miserable and send death treaths. God, it was a painful reality.

“Excuse me but this person isn’t my partner” Jongin forced himself to lie. “Really?” the driver severly insisted. “They’re my cousin, we’re really close to each other” Jongin clarified.

“Oh I’m sorry” the driver apologized.

Not so long after you arrived at the hotel. “Y/N wake up, we’re there” Jongin said as he carefully lifted you up. “Finally” you sighed.

The driver was busy searching your bags as he opened the trunk. “Does your so-called cousin also stay at the hotel?” he asked with a frown. Jongin slowly started to lose his cool.

“Listen driver”

“What Kim Jongin, or should I say EXO Kai?”

“Did I insult you or something?”

“No”

“Then why are you being so disrespectful towards me and my cousin?”

“You’re overreacting Jongin”

“I’m actually not, you should simply do your job well”

Jongin felt more than frustrated. He couldn’t handle those drivers who think they can just treat idols badly. Some of them have no clue about manners and respect. “Give us our bags please” Jongin asked the driver as he raised his eyebrow. The driver rolled his eyes but was kind enough to hand your bags back. “Thank you” Jongin said.

The driver ignored him and stepped up to you. “Poor child, call me if Jongin is being abusive towards you” the driver said. “Now! Get the hell out of here before I hurt you!” Jongin furiously shouted.

The driver got scared and left as quickly as he could. Jongin didn’t make a single move until the car reached a far distance.

“I’m sorry Y/N, he just made me angry” he deeply sighed. Jongin pulled closer to you and placed a kiss onto your forehead. “I just couldn’t stand his questions about you“ he added. “I understand it’s not really your fault Jongin” you comforted.

“Come on let’s get inside quickly before Junmyeon starts to worry” you said while you glanced at your bags. “Right” Jongin answered.

The hotel looked extremely fancy and expensive. You can’t even remember staying at this place once. Maybe JYP Entertainment, your company wasn’t familiar with these types of hotels yet. You’d love to stay at this hotel with your members too though.

“STAR” was the name of the group you were part of. You’ve been repeatedly topping charts and breaking records. Your group gets along with EXO very well since you’re both actual Kpop legends. You’re close with all the members and obviously look up to each other.

“Man, I truly envy SM Entertainment” you said as you observed the hotel. Jongin laughed. “You like it that much?” he asked. “I actually do Jongin” you enthusiastically answered. “Well then you’re lucky Y/N because you’ll spend the entire night here with me” he whispered to your ear.

Being an idol honestly didn’t affect the relation between you two. You loved each other for who you were, not the influence nor popularity you had while making music. The bond you had was special and indescribable.

As you walked around while holding each other’s hands, Jongin guided you to the elevator. “Don’t get scared babe” he comforted. He knew how much you hated elevators. Just the thought of them made your stomach turn.  

“Get over here Y/N, I’ll hold you in my arms” he said as he pulled you closer. He carefully touched your hair because he didn’t want to ruin it. The texture of your hair itself really wasn’t the softest. But he loved it so much.

He started to smell your hair. “Cocoa butter shampoo isn’t it?” he grinned. “Obviously it is” you answered as you smirked. “Look at my baby out here looking mighty fine” he complimented. Your cheeks got warm as you felt yourself blushing.

”Y/N wait a minute” Jongin stopped. You tightened your arms around him. “What? Is the elevator about to crash?” you scaredly asked. “No sweetheart” he softly answered. He pulled his phone out of his jacket and called Junmyeon.

“Good evening”

“Jongin-sshi?”

“Yes it’s me”

“Why are you calling?”

“I just wanted to ask on what floor our room is”

“Jongin!”

“Please don’t shout, Y/N is in the elevator with me”

“Oh .. oh, I’m sorry”

“It’s fine”

“Hi Y/N can you hear me?”

“Junmyeon we don’t have time for that right now”

“Of course, I see”

“So?”

“We’re on the fifth floor”

“Perfect, we’ll see you in a minute”

You walked through the hotel and Jongin still held your hands. “It’s okay Y/N we’re alone now” he said. You trusted him but it was hard to be comfortable at hotels. Fansites booked flights to anywhere just to get photos of you. They followed your every single step as if they were trained to.

Jongin told you stories about his fansites and that you shouldn’t fear them. But sasaengs were something else. They were the most insane, dangerous and wild people. You’ve never considered them as fans but they still call themselves that.

If you’d ever be found with Jongin or Jongin would be found with you, it would literally be over. The press would do nothing but attack the both of you. That’s the main reason why you decided to keep your love for Jongin secret. Jongin did too, but he badly wanted to let it out.

As idols you both had a dating ban and couldn’t end it yourself. You had no control over that business. All you could do was perform, sing, dance and keep your reputaion safe.

It scared you sometimes to call yourself an idol but you couldn’t deny the fact that it was your passion. When you stood on stage, all your worries disappeared. All eyes were on you and you truly enjoyed that.

“Ah our couple must be here” Junmyeon said as he opened the door. “Surprise!” Jongin enthusiastically said. Junmyeon was actually happier to see you than Jongin.

“As expected from our Y/N” he said with a smile on his face. “I was just watching your performance at MAMA” he added as he pointed to his phone screen. “Oh really?” you surprisingly answered. Jongin shook his head. “So you’re really just going to flirt with Y/N like that?” he complained.

“Is my boyfriend a little jealous?” you teased. “If I’m your boyfriend, give me a kiss then” Jongin commanded. “Here we go again” Junmyeon said as he rolled his eyes.

“Are you alone here Y/N?” Junmyeon curiously asked. “Yes I am” you answered while you nodded your head. “But weren’t you at the award show with your members?” Junmyeon asked. “I was but after that they had a photoshoot without me” you informed.

“Without you?” Junmyeon confusedly asked. “Yeah it’s for a high fashion magazine and apparently my tan skin ruins the concept” you sighed. “That’s the most ignorant thing I’ve ever heard” Junmyeon complained. “I really don’t accept it either” Jongin said.

“You’re actually more than beautiful, you’re mesmerizing” Junmyeon softly let out. “Junmyeon I swear to God” Jongin sighed. “This is like the third time I catch you flirting with Y/N” he said as he widened his eyes. Junmyeon giggled. “You’re too possessive Jongin” he teased.

“Hey can I ask you guys something though?” you said. Junmyeon and Jongin looked up at you. “Go ahead babe” Jongin said as he smiled at you. “I’m really tired” you deeply sighed.

Of course you were, you just came from the MAMA award show and performed a special stage. Junmyeon glanced at Jongin as if he wanted to say something. “Take Y/N to bed please” he mouthed. Jongin didn’t hesitate and nodded his head.

“Babe we’re going to sleep alright?” he whispered to your ear. Junmyeon explained Jongin the way to the bedroom. “Don’t get lost around here okay” he said. Jongin promised to pay attention and not to get lost. “Have a good night with Y/N then” Junmyeon said as he smiled.

He kind of felt relieved that you were going to have a long rest. Your schedule also has been extremely tight for the past month. Your group STAR started to gain more and more recognition overseas. Therefore the company kept you busy and planned lots of activities.

Jongin was a big fan of STAR actually. Your fans already shipped you two but you had to be extremely cautious. You wouldn’t even want anyone to notice the slightest thing about you two. It was only when the cameras weren’t rolling you felt free. Or when the fansites were absent, you would be found kissing like the happiest couple ever.

As you laid down the bed Jongin started kissing your cheek. “What am I lucky to have you here Y/N” he said. His lips were perfectly pressed onto your skin. “Jongin” you whined. “Yes babe?” he asked.

“Before I fall asleep I want to know something” you said. Jongin warmly started to wrap his arms around you. “Then tell me what you want to know Y/N” he said as he placed another kiss onto your cheek.

You tried hard not to move away from him. You’d regret it if the touch between the two of you would get broken. “I actually want to know why you’re in love with me” you let out. Jongin gasped. “Do .. do you want to break up? Did I do something wrong?” he stuttered.

“Shhh it’s not that” you hushed. Jongin tried to get a message from your facial expression. “Well if you really want to know” he sighed.

“Y/N I just love everything about you”

“The way you dance on that stage, it’s like you just own it”

“I felt attracted to you for so long it blew my mind”

“I don’t know if it’s because we’re both main dancers of our group but ..”

“You really do stand out”

“And other than us being idols, I love how real you are”

“Your heart is so pure and you care so much for those around you”

“You are the perfection that they can’t touch”

“There I said it, that’s how I fell in love with you”

Your cheeks were burning up. Those words he said along that voice really made you weak.

“Jongin I-“ he placed a finger onto your lips. “Don’t say it Y/N because I already know” he whispered. You couldn’t help but giggle a little. He did knew how you fell for him, you really didn’t have to repeat that.

“Jongin you’re my sunshine”

“Y/N you’re my angel”

“My heart only belongs to you, did you know that?”

“I know, our love is just sweet like candy”

“I hope we can keep on loving each other endlessly”

“We will Y/N, I’m sure of that”

Jongin released his arms from you and pulled himself to the side of the bed. “Y/N I’m right here next to you” he said as he hugged you. Suddenly the lights turned off by itself. You gasped

“Expensive hotels Y/N, I’m sorry” Jongin laughed. “Oh right” you relievedly said. You laid a little closer to his side. As you closed your eyes you immediately feel asleep. “Sleep well Y/N” Jongin softly said.

[1ove-jin]

The Cat Before Platform 6

Parings: Jin x Jungkook (Jinkook) & One-sided/friendship Jin x Jimin (Jinmin)

Summary: Jungkook was willing to give anything to bring Seokjin back. The cat before platform 6 blinks at him with all the temptation of the world in it's blue eye and all the false mercy of a god in it's yellow eye. Seokjin, on the other hand, comes back to a scene he much rather would have avoided; and Jimin? Jimin just wanted to get rid of the guilt at having killed too many on accident. In the end though, the catch is that nobody remembers anything. Not Jungkook who gave his all, nor Seokjin who came back from the dead, nor that good for nothing cat who dealt out propositions like it was the devil. In the end, it was only Jimin. The great and lonely god who had finally found a home, but couldn’t keep it.

Disclaimer: The mix of ideas may be mine but I got inspired from animes, mainly Madoka, and Noragami.

Trigger warning; Violence, mentions suicide, death

Chapter 1/2: Read it on, Ao3

IT’S 4:46 AM... I’LL EDIT THIS AND ADD MORE SUBSTANCE/DETAIL TOMORROW! italics - flashback)

If anything was a bad omen that morning, it was the rain. However, Jungkook hadn’t really thought of it as a bad omen then because Seokjin loved the rain, and if Seokjin loved it that meant Jungkook did as well. That morning they had woken up and stretched with smiles curling the tips of their lips. It was a good morning. A typically sticky, almost-spring morning with raining tapping jovially on their windowsills. As a bonus, they were both off from Uni for the spring/easter break. That meant they were Busan bound in roughly around 3 hours, right after Seokjin’s promised “breakFEAST” that would eminence at approximately 12:30 am. Technically, Jungkook wants to correct his boyfriend and tell him that would be considered - literally- a midnight snack, but Seokjin was too excited about the adventurous prospect of having scrambled eggs and hash browns (in other words: the breakfast foods) at ungodly hours of the night so Jungkook keeps quite and agrees to deliciously partake in the eating of a breakfeast.

“I’m super excited!” Seokjin whispered, flapping his invisible bird wings and wiggling his crooked fingers. Jungkook groaned and hit his forehead against Seokjin’s broad, warm, perfect chest.

“Just five more minutes, hyung. Then tell me about how excited you are.”

Of course, Jungkook feels like a little shit because Seokjin actually agrees, his voice holding a tinge of disappointment and rejection. It’s exactly 2 minutes and 39 seconds before Jungkook can’t stand the sound of his conscious chipping away, so he sits up, rubs his eyes, scratches the back of his neck, and proceeds to look squarely at his boyfriend, wide awake. “Okay. What’s the course of action for today?”

Seokjin promptly jumps up and gives Jungkook a loud, smacking, lovely morning peck. “You could have slept for a little longer you know.”

Jungkook smiles, “I know hyung, but I didn’t want to. Are you going to make breakfast while I pack now?”

Seokjin nodded before crinkling his features into a handsome scrunch. “I told you to pack the night before, did you not listen?”

Jungkook sheepishly shakes his head, wondering if he could get over this one relatively easily with a few winks and a cute little smile. Upon trying he realizes Seokjin is in a good mood. Ecstatic about their trip to Busan in the early breaking lights of dawn, Seokjin had simply quickly decided that Jungkook aegyo sufficed.

“Let’s wear the matching couple coats your mother got us,” Seokjin grins. He pulls out the green coat and hands Jungkook his burgundy one. Jungkook rolls his eyes, “Stuck up. This is why my mom likes you so much.” It wasn’t exactly Jungkook’s style. He preferred bomber jackets, in casual black if possible. Seokjin was usually the one who flaunted flamboyant pink coats and cute sweaters. Jungkook liked to go plain, faded jeans and white Tees were his thing; maybe with a beanie or something if he was really trying to impress. When looking at their wardrobe and closet, it was immediately possible to discern which side belonged to who, and it seemed that his own mother approved of Seokjin’s fashion sense much more than his own.

Seokjin puts on his green coat over the red and black striped shirt he picked out and beams proudly at Jungkook. Somehow his boyfriend makes it all work out and looks like a supermodel ripped right out of the magazine. Jungkook hadn’t known those three colors could even coexsist on a singular outfit until Seokjin wore it, and killed it. “I swear, I don’t wear couple things with you because you look infinitely better in them than I do,” Jungkook complains. He pulled on the dark red, wine colored coat and frowns. It seemed to clash with his brown hair, but Seokjin squeals and calls him every adjective in the book, starting from cute and ending with handsome. “Trust me. For me, you look the best,” Seokjin reassures. Jungkook looks one more time at the mirror and slowly does a once over; maybe the coat wasn’t so bad on him after all.

It’s that awkward time where Jungkook can’t say it’s 3am but he can’t exactly say it’s 4am either. Their train was scheduled for 3:45, which in itself was weird, but the rain had scared off possible co-passengers and the platform was empty. Since they were taking a train and they were planning to say for a week or two down at Jungkook’s place Seokjin decided they shouldn’t take the car and park it somewhere public for a extended time. That left one option. To walk.

“We can take the normal way,” Jungkook reasons while looking at his watch, “Or. We can take the shortcut through the actual track road and get there on time to actually catch the train.”

Seokjin, the sensible and proper one in their relationship, usually wouldn’t agree with Jungkook’s crazy detour. Jungkook gives him the look that reminds Seokjin that if he hadn’t insisted on packing fifty million snacks for the road they could have already walked to the proper platform and back.

“Alright,” Seokjin gives in, not too happy with his folded integrity, “let’s take the shortcut.”

Luckily for Seokjin though, even the rocks couldn’t trip him up despite their slippery wet unevenness. Jungkook practically had a death grip on him that helped his two left feet stay on the ground and propel him forward in a decent walk. “Uneven wet ground is a bad idea,” Seokjin notes to himself and Jungkook snorts. “It’s okay, I got you right?”

Seokjin turns to face his dear athletic and way-too-strong-to-handle boyfriend to give a sarcastic smile when something white catches his eye. Seokjin wonders if a patch of snow hadn’t melted yet on the tracks, but that couldn’t be possible. The weather the past week had been warm, even borderline hot, and the sweet rain currently permeating his cloths was proof of spring. All traces of winter should have been annihilated long ago by the fresh new season. In the distance he hears their line and Jungkook vaguely says something about running to catch that train when Seokjin finally deduced what exactly the curled white blog is.

“Jungkook!” Seokjin yanks his arm back and starts running for the creature.

“SEOKJIN!” Jungkook hollars in sheer horror, wondering what had gotten into his rational boyfriend. It was craziness. Seokjin was running towards the train and not away, to platform 6 where they were supposed to climb up and board.

“The cat, Jungkook!” Seokjin yells and Jungkook finally zeros in on the stark white dot in the middle of the track. Seokjin’s kind instincts would of course focus on saving the poor animal, and Jungkook’s instincts would of course focus on saving Seokjin. Using his well toned legs he starts for the creature. Jungkook curses under his breath and prays that he will make it to the target before his boyfriend does. Bounding through the middle lane, hair whipping wildly in the wind and teeth clenched in determination, Jungkook easily surpasses Seokjin and stretches for the creature that strangely, calmly looks at him, as if he were beckoning Jungkook forward and simply waiting to be rescued. Jungkook feels like if he simply opens his mouth and speaks to the cat, it will miraculously understand and evade the oncoming danger on it’s own. He scoops the cat up into his arms and practically feels the kinetic motion of the train incoming on his left side.

“Shit!!” Jungkook curses, his shoe jammed between the wooden track and some rocks, refuses to budge. He could bend down and rip the sneaker off, but that would take too much time. Jungkook doesn’t know when Seokjin had caught up with him, but his boyfriend is right behind him, yelling his name. He says something, maybe it was “move” or maybe it was “watch out” Jungkook couldn’t hear with the sound of the train furiously charging towards him and the rushing of his blood that swirled towards his head as if anticipating death and wanting to cushion his mind. There’s impact, but it’s soft. Way softer than what he imagined.

Jungkook watches the rocks come up towards his face and feels Seokjin get hit before he can hear the strangled scream. The train apathetically rolls by, its malicious purpose fulfilled. Jungkook drops the cat and hollers in furious agony. Something was wrong. Terribly out of order. Failed. He was supposed to get hit. It was supposed to be a tremendous smash of the train against his ribcage and not some soft shove on his back and a face full of pebbles. He wishes the blood curtling scream had come from his own throat; it would hurt less if that were the case. Jungkook feels like his heart fell and became smothered in the grave of stones. The train antagonizes him and  laughs it’s loud rumbling laugh, “chicka chick chika chick,” as it moves by slowly and carefree. Jungkook starts running, toward the last car when he sees it and sleepy faces are pressed against the window, not even taking notice of his frantic colorful curses.

“SEOKJIN!” the sight of Seokjin’s green jacket on the floor in a heap hurls a deep panic into Jungkook’s throat and he chokes back a sob as his knees smash the ground by Seokjin’s body.

“Seokjin?”

…

“Hyung?”

Yes. Seokjin had always liked that name the best, maybe he will respond now?

“HYUNG? HYUNG! HYUNG!”

Silence.

It was heavy and too complete and entirely too cruel. “Wake up! Umma said she made a cake just for you. She put strawberries on it, the ones she grew herself! Come on. Hyung don’t do this. Open your eyes we have to go to Busan. Come on!” Jungkook begs and pleads and forces the tears down. He would not cry. He could not cry. He shouldn’t cry! Why should he? There was absolutely no reason to. Everything was fine, Seokjin was just a little shocked, that was all. He was resting his very startled brain and soon those beautiful brown orbs that crinkled when he smiled and shone when he told an old “ajae” gag and winked at Jungkook when he was attempting to flirt were going to open up. Seokjin was going to say he was sore from landing wrong and ask Jungkook why he didn’t wake him sooner and they were going to be a little late, but they were going to go to Busan and Jungkook was finally, finally, going to ask his parents if he could get permission to propose to and marry Seokjin.

Jungkook was never religious, but he prays. To a god whom he wasn’t acquainted with, to the cosmos, the stars, hell even to the sun. He prays for them to help wake Seokjin up faster. Anything if they or it or she or he could help Seokjin.

“Come on hyung. You don’t like sleeping this much, come on.” Jungkook’s arms wrap around Seokjin’s shoulders and his legs come under to help Seokjin’s torso lay down comfortably without getting shards of hard earth stuck on his back. “Hyung? Kim Seokjin, open your eyes.” The body was already cold against Jungkook’s fingertips and rain was mixing with Seokjin’s blood, but Jungkook doesn’t move. He’s appalled. His anger is misplaced, but he wants to kill that goddamn cat, and the conductor, and the uncaring, unmoved people on the train who passed by without even an exclamation. The indifference of the train baffles and shocks Jungkook until he wants to destroy it. He feels like he can pick up the metal monster and rip it to pieces, shred by shred. Everything, the stupid white cat and the good for nothing people and even that inanimate train was too alive. Breathing, blinking, moving. Everything was too alive while Kim Seokjin was too dead and that made Jungkook livid with injustice. Because if anything on the planet deserved to be breathing and blinking and moving and living: it was Seokjin.

“I’ll kill them all,” Jungkook finally sobs, after half an hour of just sitting with Seokjin’s body. He wanted to desecrate the world and watch it burn because how dare it continue to move and function while the angel in his arms was gone. The audacity of the place to keep functioning normally as if nothing happened infuriates Jungkook. “I’ll… I’ll really… seriously,” Jungkook has trouble breathing through his shrill sobs and the rain, as if sympathizing and mourning with him, pounds down on him harder.

“Instead of killing everything, why not save everything?” The voice purrs, quite literally, besides Jungkook. Growling harshly Jungkook whips his head around looking for the invader who dared to interrupt his moment with Seokjin.

“Show yourself!” Jungkook howls, clutching Seokjin tighter and afraid that the stranger would take him away for good.

“I already have, are you ignoring me because I’m a cat?”

Jungkook glares at the cat and it takes a moment for his brain to fully register the fact that yes, indeed, the cat’s lips moved in an abnormal pattern that was never observed in cats before, at least not by humankind. Dumbfounded, he wonders if he’s really lost it after Seokjin’s death, and he doesn’t doubt that he’s actually gone insane. Losing Seokjin could do that to him.

“No. You’re not crazy, I’m just special.”

The fact that this cat was special and hyper intelligent fuels Jungkook’s hatred for it. The cat could have moved. It could have understood his yelling. “You fucking--”

“Woah woah! Didn’t you pray for a chance? I’m giving you one. He didn’t deserve this fate…”

Jungkook agrees and defensively growls at the cat that of course Seokjin didn’t deserve it. Seokjin was the kindest, most benevolent person Jungkook knew. If anything, everybody should have been more like him. The world would have been a better.

“What would you do then, to give him another chance?” The cat asks boldly, like it was entitled to a payment for the damages it caused. Jungkook wants to point out the disgusting haughtiness and the unjust entitlement complex but stops himself. If the cat could talk, it must have been able to do something. It didn’t matter if it was dark magic or the devil in disguise, when Jungkook had prayed to “anything” for help, he hadn’t excluded even Satan himself as an option. Because if it was for Seokjin. If it was for Kim Seokjin, “I can do anything. Anything.” The answer came without hesitation, without a thought, without pause.

“Anything? Then how about…”

The first day they meet it’s because of Jungkook’s annoying best friend Kim Taehyung who also happened to be Seokjin’s cousin and who ALSO happened to drag Jungkook along because he needed a quote “muscle pig” to help his cousin move into an apartment in Seoul. Seokjin was moving up from Gwacheon that day and in Taehyung’s eyes Jungkook was perfect free labor.

Jungkook had heard about Seokjin and how amazingly kind, beautiful, and funny he was, but considering the source was a drunk Taehyung who cried over missing his cousin’s cooking and “mother like hugs” while trying to call everyone and brag about Seokjin at 12 am, Jungkook didn’t know if the information was accurate. For all Jungkook knew, this Seokjin person could be mean, ugly, and a total bore. Taehyung had a habit of adding too much fat to his stories. He called it improvision, Jungkook called it either a lie or a scam.

Jungkook takes the first few boxes from the man in the moving truck and heads towards the elevators when a man to his side wordlessly takes off the top box. Jungkook was actually grateful because although he didn’t exactly want to admit it, the moving man had overestimated his physique. “Thank you,” Jungkook turns and stops short at the tall man who’s beaming at him with all his black haired, two earrings, broad shouldered glory.

“No problem, this is all my stuff anyway,” Seokjin grins and watches the floors on the elevator changing. “You must be Jeon Jungkook, right?”

“Right!” Jungkook blurted out, a little too loudly and a little too fast. Flushing slightly, Jungkook lowers his voice and nods again, “right. You must be Kim Seokjin?”

Seokjin winks, the first ever wink Jungkook got from him and the one that was forever stuck somewhere in his heart and tucked neatly away in the ‘most beautiful things i’ve witnessed in my life’ box. “That’s me! Nice to meet you Jungkook!”

Jungkook wishes badly that he could stick out his arm and offer a handshake, but all he can give is a nod. “Nice to finally meet you too. I heard a lot about you.”

“Oh?” Seokjin’s eyes sparkle with a childlike and playful curiosity. “What did Taehyung say about me? I hope it’s nothing weird.”

Jungkook shakes his head feverently, “oh no no! He said you were kind, beautiful, and funny actually!”

Seokjin laughs at his cousin’s never changing repertoire. “So? Is it true?”

“Huh?”

“Am I kind, beautiful, and funny?”

Jungkook looks at Seokjin flustered, but he was never a good liar. Although he could control himself when thinking rationally, it seemed like Seokjin had somehow cut that filter and short-circuited Jungkook’s tongue with his heart. “Kind, definitely. Beautiful, for sure. I’m not sure about funny. We just met.”

Seokjin hums in approval and looks intently at Jungkook, “I’ll have you know… I’m hilarious.”

“I’ll give you this one,” Jungkook answers and the Cat, named Jae, grins in hungry anticipation, waiting to devour the memory. Jungkook, with some lessons and a little time to practice, condenses the memory into a tiny yellow ball and places it in front of Jae who savagely rips it apart with it’s fangs and swallows it in large greedy gulps.

It was strange. Something Jungkook felt like he would always remember forever, was suddenly no longer in his brain. For a few minutes it was confusing and every time he tried to recall how he and Seokjin had met something would tickle his mind then float right out of his grasp. Even if he told himself he gave the memory away so he should technically have a copy, it was like the slate was completely wiped clean by an invisible hand.

“Thank you for the offering. Now. I’ll let you restart the day. Think about it carefully. Okay?”

Jungkook wakes in cold sweat and the only reason he knows the whole ordeal wasn’t a dream was because the pain in his heart was too real and the scratch he gave himself on his wrist while he was saving the cat still leaked with blood. Seokjin groans and mutters that he’s tired, but he supposed he must get up. A long, high pitched beep is still ringing in Jungkook’s ears. Seokjin’s only thought being that it was truly a phenomenon that Jungkook was sitting upright in bed before him, he theorizes the reason behind Jungkook’s early activity. “That excited to go to Busan, huh?”

“NO!” Jungkook hollers and Seokjin jumps, startled.

“We can’t go to Busan today!”

Seokjin gives Jungkook a strange look and cautiously asks why. “Umma called last night and said her cousin’s friend’s sister died. She needs to open shop for her cousin.”

Seokjin frowns a bit in defeat and Jungkook slumps in relief. Perking up Seokjin springs out of bed, “Then let’s go help her!”

“NO!” Jungkook angrily shouts and Seokjin slows his motions, cautious of the suddenly frantic Jungkook. “Is something the matter? Why are you like this today?” The fear and confusion and pure utter heartbreak in Seokjin’s voice melts Jungkook’s resolve. He thinks about going to the main road towards the train station but the faces of people rushing past without a care as Seokjin lay dead comes back too fresh and too vivid for Jungkook to stomach.

“Okay. let’s go. But let’s drive there, hum? No trains. I… I have a terrible fear of trains.”

Seokjin raises an eyebrow because every time they had to visit their parents in the country, the two of them had taken trains. Jungkook in particular liked the fast and comfortable travel. “Since when?” Seokjin inquires, genuinely confused but also concerned at Jungkook’s distress.

‘Since the day you died,’ Jungkook thinks silently, watching Seokjin’s face crinkle with concern and his eyebrows scrunch with curiosity. “Just… I saw the movie Train to Busan a few days ago.”

Seokjin thinks about the hit zombie movie and relaxes instantaneously. Still, if Jungkook felt squeamish, he didn’t want to force him into riding the train for hours. “Okay, let’s drive there.”

That time around, it was the second attempt, Seokjin dies of a car accident. Jungkook only manages to get a slight scratch on his neck from the seat belt. Seokjin’s head snaps back so fast with a sickening crunch that he dies on the spot. Jungkook knows he’ll never be able to drive a car ever again. All he can see is Seokjin’s neck in a strange angle, completely twisted away from his spine. Seokjin’s eyes still open in terror, mouth frozen in a scream that never got to see the world, and the goddamn drunk driver in his truck, sprawled out and snoring, unfortunately alive.

Their first date, if it counted, was at a cafe for some coffee and because Jungkook needed help for his biology project. Seokjin claimed he wasn’t all that helpful but ended up doing half the presentation preparations in a flash while Jungkook, in that same amount of time, was able to deduce that mitosis was a thing and it worked… for reasons… and babies were made. Although Seokjin laughed and helped explain why that wasn’t directly, exactly, the correct way to put it, Jungkook wasn’t listening, or even trying to listen.

Seokjin’s laugh was a wonderful thing. It was like chimes in the wind or birds in the morning. Sweet. Melodic. Something he wanted to keep listening to and something Jungkook wanted to intentionally cause, even if it was at the expense of his own image.

“So cranes don’t bring the babies in a bundle huh?” Jungkook asks, knowing full well that it was a ridiculous old fable. Yet, Seokjin laughs, and it was all okay.

“You’re the funny one,” Seokjin nods, acknowledging Jungkook’s skill and Jungkook feels this strange sense of pride for a thing that was very mundane and not that big of an accomplishment. If you asked him thought, it felt like he won the world. And maybe he had, because it was his cute little efforts that moved Seokjin’s heart eventually. That first date in the small cafe, with their warm caramel macchiatos and blueberry muffins and messy bio notes, was the start of Jungkook’s mission to make Seokjin happy and the start of Seokjin’s mission to his.

“Take it!” Jungkook shoves the yellow ball at Jae who gladly takes it like it’s owed to him. “Good luck this time!!!”

Attempt 3: Seokjin gets a cold that eventually leads to pneumonia that eventually kills him in 3 weeks. Jungkook gives up 21 memories in order to go back to day 1.  He gives up important ones, small ones, medium ones and all the ones in between. Good ones where they cuddled and spoon fed each other cereal on lazy sunday mornings to bad ones where they were blinded by jealousy and wrecked havoc on the apartment. Medium ones where they literally just slept side by side all day after midterms to the ones in between where they stole kisses at the bookstore and dared each other to scare the cashier with whatever they bought using only 5,000 won. Jae takes all of the memories until he’s full and satisfied. “This time. Try to not go outside, huh?”

Attempt 4: Jungkook goes ballistic and locks Seokjin up, not ready to risk it this time. Seokjin pounds on the bedroom door and throws an understandable fit. It hurts Jungkook, it really does.

“Why can’t I go out? You’re scaring me Jungkook!” Seokjin pounds on the door but Jungkook has locked it and wears the key around his neck, firmly he also holds onto the handle just in case.

“It’s for you Seokjin. Trust me. You might not get it now but it’s all for your own good!”

Seokjin tries to understand. The area they lived in was cheap but fairly dangerous so maybe a gang territory fight had broken out again and Jungkook was very paranoid. But there was a limit to how much Seokjin could take. Jungkook would bring Seokjin his three meals in the morning and leave them on the racks until late night where he would take them out. Once Seokjin pretended to sleep and ran for it once Jungkook unlocked the door, but he was not 5 steps out of the room before Jungkook dragged him back in and flung him onto the bed, yelling at him to just listen. To please just listen. Seokjin considered breaking up, but his heart just couldn’t do that to Jungkook. He still loved the kid too much. Seokjin convinces himself that Jungkook must have had a reason, he must have.

“Could you tell me? Please?”

“No,” Jungkook sighed, his voice muffled by the obstacle, or door. “Just trust me.”

“I do,” Seokjin sighed, placing his hand against the door in desperate need for Jungkook’s warmth. “I do.”

The 4th time ended far worse than the others and it left Jungkook ruined like never before. He went in to give Seokjin his food and found the bed empty. He assumed Seokjin went to the bathroom and waited, deciding he would give him lots of kisses and hugs. He must have been pretty lonely locked up for 4 months, after all. The bathroom is quite though and that lack of noise brings Jungkook right back to the day where he desperately called only to get no answer. “Seokjin hyung?” Jungkook knocks, not wanting to startle his hyung and wondering if maybe he fell asleep on the toilet; that could happen, right?

Jungkook leans against the vanity when his hand brushes against something. Frowning down at the paper Jungkook remembers that morning when Seokjin specifically asked for a notebook to pass time. Curious, and still waiting for Seokjin to finish doing his thing, Jungkook opens the notebook to the first page and his eyes land on the starting two words that dropped his heart.

“Dear Jungkook,”

The letter was long and flowery, just like how Seokjin usually talked. It was in the fine, scrawling, thin script of Seokjin’s perfect hand. It held everything in the formula, from the apology, to the confusion, the the eventual thanks and final goodbye; topped off with the words that destroyed Jungkook and killed him where he stood

“I love you so much, but i can’t do this anymore. If we meet in the next life, I hope we work out. I love you. I love you. I love you…”

Jungkook smashes the door off the hinges and finds Seokjin in the tub, the abandoned bottle lying useless and without its little white insects of death. “Seokjin… No…” Jungkook cries harder than ever before, a fresh wave of hatred for himself filling his chest. “I did this,” he whispered, horrified, as Jae materializes and solidifies right beside him. “I did this to him! I made him do this! I killed him this time…” mortified at his own morbid behavior, Jungkook fills the tub until it practically overflows with his tears.

“120 memories and this can all be avoided, but this time, they all have to be big memories.”

Jungkook gives out everything. Their anniversaries, accomplishments, breakthroughs; everything. He feels helpless. Every time he wakes up he remembers less and less about Seokjin, he can barely retain birthday and family members and favorite food. All the attentive details he used to know (like which flavor lollipop Seokjin loved or which brand of chicken he ordered or even his favorite color) it was all gone. Yet, Jungkook’s love and determination to save Seokjin no matter what always burned the same, in the center of his being. It was the force that moved him to go.

Attempt 5: Seokjin gets stabbed by a rampant gang member. The police get to him first and Jungkook can only see the body for 10 minutes to confirm it. He can’t hold Seokjin in his arms, caressed his cold cheeks, and he can’t even apologize this time. Jae wants a good memory and a bad memory though, and Jungkook would have complained that it wasn’t the contract rule, but he was desperate now.

Attempt 6: Six months. Six whole months Jungkook was on tooth and nail to make sure Seokjin survived. Six whole months. Then he gets kidnapped by a cereal killer and becomes the nth victim in some psychotic murder case; how was he found by the police? The loud yowling of a cat alerted neighbors that something was wrong and his corpse were, sure enough, in the dumpster. Jae grins at Jungkook, who’s haggard and merely a shell of himself. He sees Seokjin’s burned face and feels like finding the culprit and dumping acid on him, or boiling him in acid. “I helped you find the body this time, so double the memories,” Jae slyly demands and Jungkook powerlessly shakes his head.

Jungkook eventually stops keeping a count. Now when he wakes up in the morning it’s all an act. He can barely remember Seokjin’s name, he had forgotten the surname a long time ago. Most times he goes for the safe route of “hyung,” just “hyung.” One time, he wanted so desperately to call the name of his lover, so he tried a blind guess. A shot in the dark. That day Seokjin died because they fought and Seokjin stormed out only to be run over by a speeding hit-and-run driver.

“You said it wasn’t his fate to die!! Then why does he keep dying? No matter what I do! NO MATTER WHAT!” Jungkook finally has enough of it and he grips Jae’s neck in both of his hands. Passing strangers whisper about his animal abuse and snap pictures to post on SNS with enraged hashtags but Jungkook doesn’t care. This cat was the devil.

Jae scratches at his arms harshly and Jungkook finally lets go, finding it futile to choke a satisfying answer out of it. “Well… there is one thing you’re missing.”

Jungkook growls at the cocky condescending tone and grips Jae, twisting his neck harshly in anger. The cat goes limp in his hands and Jungkook gets ready to give up and just go find Seokjin in the next life. His hope and his only chance were gone. Completely gone.

“Why do humans always do something when they’ll regret it later?” Jae asks irritated, his head turning back towards the front of his body, an eerie and long grin on his feline features. “If you want to save him… you have to set fate back to what it was before. Think carefully Jeon Jungkook, that day, someone was supposed to die.”

Jungkook can somehow clearly remember the start of it all. Their walk by the train tracks and Seokjin’s sacrificing shove.

“A-are… you saying that I-I.. I-I-I have to,” Jungkook shudders and Jae howls with gleeful laughter.

“It’s not a memory you have to give. You have to die. But you won’t do it!” Jae cackles with infinite joy at his own enlightenment and the plight of such a sad human. “You can’t do it! Because you don’t know him!” No man, died for a stranger. That was the undeniable, unshakable foundation and quintessence of mortal man.

“I’ll give you a memory. Let me go back.”

“There’s no use! Don’t you see?” Jae asked in sweet glee, “you won’t be able to die for him, because you won’t remember him! You won’t love him!”

“JUST LET ME GO BACK!” Jungkook hollars as Jae’s face falls flat and becomes impassive, cold even. “Please. Just once.”

Studying Jungkook with a depraved excitement and curiosity Jae starts grinning again, “Okay boy. Give me something.”

It’s a memory Jungkook did not want to give up. His most precious one. The one that he vowed never to lose, even if he lost himself. He had been in a pretty bad accident 2 years ago, when him and Seokjin had barely started going steady. The doctors weren’t sure if Jungkook’s recover would be full and if he could function. Even now, Jungkook had a slight limp, very miniscule and unnoticeable to the common eye, but his legs cramped super easily on cold winter days. Jungkook had expected Seokjin to call it quits and run away… but Seokjin came every day after work.

“Yo! I brought more paper! This is an hours worth of talking right here!” While Jungkook ate and Seokjin talked about his day, Seokjin would sit in the other bed and fold paper cranes. Jungkook didn’t think much about it and thought maybe that was Seokjin’s hobby, origami. It certainly seemed to fit his image quite well; quite, patient, good with his hands. Whenever Seokjin finished, he would pack the cranes in his backpack and head home.

Jungkook felt like a simple gossip buddy and not a proper boyfriend. They didn’t have dates and they couldn’t go out. Jungkook felt the break up come near. Seokjin never looked at him, always focused intently on the cranes and writing on them, folding them, then plopping them right into his bag so he could simply up and leave after all his paper ran out. Jungkook got to look at Seokjin though, so he couldn’t complain at all. Seeing Seokjin’s face was the highlight of his day. The doe-like eyes intently focused on his paper, crooked fingers nimbly bending and folding and creasing, light hair being blown out of his eyes occasionally when a huffy breath left his plump pink lips. The sunset would always seep through the window and outline Seokjin’s face in gold. Even though Seokjin never looked at him, Jungkook got to see his world, so he always let Seokjin come visit.

It was a day when cramping was particularly bad and Jungkook thought he would seriously have to cut a leg off when Seokjin comes barging in with a beaming face and a very very large duffle bag in tow. “I HAVE YOUR SOLUTION!”

Seokjin drags in the duffle bag and zips it immediately. He displays a large jar full of his creations and Jungkook sits, flabbergasted and awed by the sight before his eyes. “Are these?”

“1000!” Seokjin beams proudly. He then pulls one out of his pocket and places it in Jungkook’s hand, “This is the sample. Each and every one of those in there are identical.”

Jungkook gently touches the sample crane in his hand before he notices black ink on it. “Is there a message?” Jungkook curiously asks as his fingers, unaffected by the accident, react by themselves. Seokjin proudly watches without a word as Jungkook figures it out himself and disassembles the crane carefully, in order not to tear it. Inside, with his fine, neat, handwritten words is a message:

“I wish for his full recovery! I know he can do it!”

Jungkook chokes back a moved sob before realizing what that meant. “You wrote this… in all 1000?”

Seokjin smiles and grips Jungkook’s hand, “Of course. Because… I love you.”

Jae carefully takes the memory like it’s a prized gem and swallows it whole, enjoying the flavor of victory sliding down his throat. “Fair enough. I’ll let you go back, but I’m telling you. You won’t even recognize him.”

Kim Seokjin is a blank slate to Jeon Jungkook. He neither recognizes the voice, or the face, and he certainly can’t remember an age or a name. All he does know however, is that when Seokjin kisses his forehead and bops their noses together Jungkook feels complete. He knows, that he, Jeon Jungkook, must have loved this man a lot.

“I’m super excited!” Seokjin whispered, flapping his invisible bird wings and wiggling his crooked fingers. Jungkook doesn’t know why he’s excited, but the expression on his face warms Jungkook’s heart so he quickly plays along. “I’m excited too!”

Seokjin clutches Jungkook’s hand and bounces a little with joy, “Should we wear the couple coats your mother bought us last time?”

“Of course,” Jungkook doesn’t miss a heartbeat because he really really likes this man’s smile and he wants to keep it there forever. “Whatever makes you happy.”

Seokjin coos and awws and tickles Jungkook’s side while Jungkook simply drinks in Seokjin’s features and his every word, “You’re too nice to me. I love you.”

Those words engrave themselves onto Jungkook’s heart and his determination is renewed.

“We can take the shortcut through the actual track road and get there on time to catch the train,” Jungkook helpfully advises with purpose.

“Alright,” Seokjin gives in, not too happy with his folded integrity, “let’s take the shortcut.” Jungkook studies this reaction and notes to himself that this man, (Seokjin as he found out by the name on his phone that lights up when he calls in order to find it), was very proper. He didn’t like breaking rules that were set for a reason, like safety or protection for the greater good. It was endearing. One more thing Jungkook fell in love with.

Seokjin seemed to have a hard time with the uneven ground so Jungkook supports him, it only feels natural. When Seokjin thanks him Jungkook smiles, “of course. I always have your back.”

Seokjin turns to face Jungkook when something white catches his eye. Jungkook immediately notes the face change and knows that the time to act is coming. He had no more memories to give, this was his last chance. Seokjin finally deduced what exactly the curled white blog is but the train is running in very close.

“Jungkook!” Seokjin yanks his arm back and starts running for the creature.

“SEOKJIN!” Jungkook knew it was supposed to happen, but it still makes him slightly panic nonetheless and it takes all his might to not just sprint forward and repeat the day before. Seokjin was running towards the train and Jungkook forces himself, with all the self control in the world, to wait.

Seokjin’s kind instincts would of course focus on saving the poor animal, and Jungkook’s instincts would of course focus on saving Seokjin. Jungkook runs slightly behind Seokjin and purposely lets him get to the cat first. Quickly and tenderly all at once, Seokjin scoops the cat off the ground. Jungkook stands back ready, watching. Seokjin looks down in panic at his shoe, stuck in the tracks. The train honks madly, long furious wails. Jungkook finally knows the words to say, “Seokjin… Live.”

The pain in his ribcage is bearable, and Jungkook’s so sure that it hurts less than what he went through the first day. “JUNGKOOK!” Seokjin drops Jae and waits, agonized, until the train finally moves it’s lanky body out of the way.

“Jungkook!!!”

Jungkook looks up at the grey sky that cries with him in relief. It worked. It really worked. “Jungkook! Oh my god! Hang in there! Stay with me! 119! 119 I’ll call right now don’t worry!”

Jae is looking at Jungkook with burning hatred, like he was accusing Jungkook of treason to a high mortal law, but Jungkook doesn’t care. He’s beyond himself because Seokjin is alive. And he’ll stay alive, because this is how it was supposed to be.

“Why? You idiot! Why would you do that?!” Seokjin hugs Jungkook desperately, as if he were trying to weigh down the leaving soul.

“Because I knew, losing you would be more painful… much more painful…”

Jae asks him why. Accuses him. Yells at him with his eyes.

I don’t remember this man. This man who is crying so pitifully for me. But i know i loved him a lot. I know he loved me too. Me, a stubborn, rude, clumsy, cold, guy who requires a lot. I know he dealt with my worst, i know he loved my best. He must be kind. I know he smiles a lot and he laughs even more. He’s absolutely beautiful. I didn’t know his name, I don’t know his favorite color, or his favorite food, or what he does as a living, his habits, his pet peeves, his quirks; but I know that my heart was happy when he smiled. That feeling never changed. It was something my heart remembered. I could not bare to think about how my heart would rip apart if he died. Perhaps this was selfish, but I’m happy that he’s well. I wish… I wish for him to always be happy. I know he will be!

“Jeon Jungkook please --”

“Hyung. Seokjin hyung. I loved you a lot. I love you a lot. I will love you a lot. Live. We’ll meet again next time.”

Jungkook goes limp and Seokjin feels like his heart was taken also. Like Jungkook took it with him. Seokjin feels like he’ll have to bury his dead heart right next to Jungkook’s body. The cat next to him sits and shakes it’s head, almost looking eerily like a human’s actions.

“Such a waste…” the voice purrs.

Seokjin looks at the cat, startled, as it slowly walks towards them in measure steps.

“I.. I must be crazy,” Seokjin lets out an empty laugh while sniffling, tears blurring his vision and drowning his heart in a watery grave.

“You’re not crazy. I’m just special. I’m a god, you see, and he didn’t deserve this fate… so… What would you do then, to give him another chance?”

“Anything…”

“Good…” the cat smiles. So Seokjin makes a deal, with the cat before platform 6. “A memory a day, will keep your boyfriend from death.”

(On the platform, Park Jimin stands, knife polished and newly cleaned in the Holy Waters of the Goddess of Purity, the mother of his kind. “Jae… So, this is what you’ve been up to…” Lucy looks at him and tilts her head, “Will you intervene?” Jimin starts walking towards them, power surging through his weapon. “Of course. I have to. It’s my duty now.”)