#god theyre so stupid i wish theyd die

[bottledkriegmen]

Share those head cannons!!

I LOVE YOU ANON AHHH OKAy

MORE ZERODAY HEADCANONS YIPPIEE >O< (mostly caldre i literally cannot see them as platonic im so sorry)

- both of them have been around eachothers families so much that they've basically been adopted by the opposites parents. cal has a seat at the kriegmans dinner table and andre has a stocking at the gabriels home for christmas (even if he doesn't celebrate it. he's there for cals killer cookies)

- theyre not very outwardly affectionate with eachother in public. the most they do is hover around the other and stand a little too close for it to be platonic. in private however, andre definitely has his arms wrapped around cals waist whenever they're still and standing with eachother. cal clings onto andres arm any chance he can get, he likes to feel the soft outer layer of the other boys skin.

- andre loves to kiss on cals knuckles, forehead, and shoulders. cal kisses wherever he can get. (all of andres moles, specifically)

- before cal had braces he had a REALLY bad habit of chewing on the ends and erasers of his pencils. all of his wooden pencils had teeth marks on the metal and wooden ends. (andre reprimanded him every single time he caught him. cal never listened though!!)

- andre's gay awakening was al capone. send post.

- the boys totally watch any shitty horror flick they can find on those little red boxes outside of pharmacies. they have a little piece of paper in andres basement on how good each one is.

- andre's favorite pokemon starter of all time is charmander. cals is bulbasaur. (did i spell that right...)

- cals a secret brony!! (he watched it with his little sister and got a little too into it) (he has a fluttershy shirt in the back of his closet that andre gave to him as a gag gift one year.)

- cal can skate!! andre knows how to roller blade!! shitty little skills they learned when cal worked at a roller rink for a better half of a year.

- andre's worked at his familys restaurant for as long as he was legally allowed to.

- passenger princess cal passenger princess cal. whenever someone else has to ride with the two boys andre makes whoever theyre going with sit in the back so cal can be next to him.

thats all i have stocked in my brain right now thank you to my lovely and beautiful husband @calcyum for helping me draft some of these :33

[zontiky]

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry. 

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

[moveslikejaggeria]

life kinda sucks lately and i cant tell why.

i mean im lonely. im always lonely. always have been lonely. just something ive kinda accepted. but this is a new brand of lonely. a new flavor. well, not new. rare, i guess. just utter loneliness. like it really is just me. and everyone else is over there. and no matter how much i walk towards everyone else, they seem to move further and further away. its a game i can never win. i can shout and sometimes they shout back,,, but sometimes they cant hear me. its not their fault, theyre just far away. maybe theres a lake or a river or even an ocean in between us and theyre like “sorry, we dont wanna get our feet wet. hope youre not offended” and i try not to, but i think about how much i wish they would just cross. for me maybe.

sometimes i think about would i do it for someone else. i try to. i listen and i love (as much as i can). i wish i could do more.

i think about death a lot. or more about what comes after. i think about all the stuff i’d miss. like the tickets to the stupid haunted house that i bought (i bought 2 just in case i found someone to go with me. i bought 2 tickets to a concert last year thinking the same thing. i still have the other ticket on my phone bc it never got scanned. at least its like a momento or something). all the games i havent played yet, all the stuff i havent learned about yet.

if i died right now, they probably wouldnt find me for a while, i dont think. theyd fire me from work eventually because i stopped showing up, bills would still get pulled and paid for, the credit card debt piling up on itself. i could lay in this bathtub for god knows how long before someone would notice.

who am i supposed to call when i feel like this. my mom? my friends? my family? the loneliness cuts so deep it hurts. sometimes i cant breathe and it stings when i think about it. when i think about the uncertainty about who to put down as an emergency contact. “hey they stopped going to therapy” “hey they stopped showing up to work” “hey this bill still needs to get paid!!!!”

i dont mind work. i dont mind the busyness and almost uselessness about it. it gives me a purpose, no matter how small or busy or useless. even thought the loneliness is there too. like you wonder how many people would care if you just disappeared forever. how many would still think about you. is that a selfish thought? im not sure. and then there’s just the in-circles. the in-jokes and the talking that you’re just out of reach of.

i think the hardest part about imagining death (and whatever comes after) is eliza. she has no food in her bowl. she’d cry and cry and maybe eventually eat my corpse and when that was gone or no good she’d keep crying and maybe break into other food in the kitchen. and after that was gone she’d keep crying and the noise complaints would keep piling and piling on top of each other and maybe—just maybe—management would open the door to get the cat and see me there. in the bathtub. and theyd think “shit. that’s not good”.

i would feel selfish. id want her to have enough food. and water. maybe just leave the facet running. mom would get the water bill in the month and wonder “why is this so high” and maybe she’d call and maybe she wouldnt. maybe she’d keep trying to call and would get worried. maybe she wouldn’t think anything of it at all. its weird of moving from a point of “i dont want to die, i want to pet eliza again just one more time forever” to “i shouldnt die bc then who would be there for eliza”.

sometimes a death isnt physical, i dont think. sometimes a death is…pulling away. accepting the ocean between you and everyone and not screaming anymore. sometimes a death is no longer trying. giving up. sometimes a death is acknowledging that maybe it doesnt get better. sometimes a death is just thinking about it. sometimes a death is sobbing and hugging yourself in the bathtub, begging yourself not to do it and that “i love you so much. please live for me. please”

[rigginsstreet]

how would season 2 of riverdale look like if you were writing it? (also please don't hold back on the word count for this ask)

everyones gay. the end.

no ok i will try and go for a realistic version of what i think season 2 could have been. i mean personally i think its realistic to have all the parents be gay but whatever. (*edit from future briana. lol i aint make this shit realistic everybody G A Y) also this is probably gonna be all over the place cuz i have a lot of problems with a lot of characters story arcs so just...we’ll see what happens. also also this is obviously focusing on the parents im sure the kids will get mentioned at some point in regards to certain storylines but for the most part i dont watch them so i dont know what the fuck theyre doing unless it pertains to an adult. ok here we go (i hope you know what you asked for by saying dont hold back on word count...)

lets just get the obvious out of the way FRED AND FP WOULD HAVE SO MANY FUCKING SCENES IF I WAS RUNNING SHIT LIKE THEYD PROBABLY BECOME THE MAIN CHARACTERS SUCK A DICK ITS THE SHOW I DESERVE I DONT CARE WHAT YALL WANT

like from season 1 i had this vision of how i wanted s2 to play out

fp was gonna find out fred was shot, alice was gonna go visit him in jail about it or theyd meet up when he got out and they were gonna team up to avenge fred. thats what shouldve happened ok fight me. THE ONLY APPROPRIATE F*LICE INTERACTION

and then fp was gonna take care of fred. they were gonna work on their relationship. shit was gonna get dramatic but it was gonna be beautiful because ultimately they would realize theyre both the best friends each other ever had and they were better together than apart. 

and thats how the whole black hood thing would be dealt with and we never had to hear about it again

and then with the introduction of hiram and everything going down with the lodges buying freds company + fps dealings with hiram and hermione in the past and the bad blood there that was just...completely dropped... fred and fp were gonna come up with this master plan to screw over hiram and get the company back and then theyd go back to working construction together and happy days would be on the horizon. 

with that being said.... hiram and hermiones storyline this season is honestly the only interesting worthwhile thing. im not mad at it

im a little mad at archie joining the mafia like for one, anyone who knows anything about mob culture, you dont let outsiders in. and if you do, its not that fucking easy. its like “run some errands for me let me put you through some tests. ok youre family” no. i mean i get we’re on the cw but this was really the ...not even pg13 this was some g rated mob shit on archies part but whatever

lets hop on over to the coopers

i called from the beginning that chic was gonna be up to some bullshit and the narrative thats going right now with hal being painted as the bad guy and running off to penelope and alice running into fps arms is absolute utter Garbage™

what SHOULDVE happened (and granted the story is still playing out but lochlyns got a new show and thats very sus to me so... im expecting the worst) is chic comes in all innocent at first and maybe hals still put off, reasonably so, but this clearly means a lot to alice so he sticks it out. and as chic lets his freak out and the family has to deal with this, they grow closer and become more bonded and alice and hal become stronger as a couple and when all is said and done they eventually decide to go to couples counseling or family counseling and everybody works out their bullshit and they all start their journey to becoming a stable fucking family unit

ok now penelope. she’s another one that im actually for the most part enjoying her story but this whole hal business?? unrealistic

what they needed to do was just let her have her ho business and live her life

and also tell cheryl to stop running her mouth

like i really dont need them to have a great relationship personally like fine if they did whatever but cheryl kinda annoys me so penelope telling her whats up is no skin off my back

oh and this whole homophobic business? NOT IN MY SEASON 2

or if they really wanted to keep this contrived ass heather story to give cheryl some depth or whatever, then the least that could happen is it be revealed that penelope is gay herself and was scorned by an ex lover (alice) and was taking it out on her daughter

and then that could come to light and they talk about it and penelope eventually accepts she’s gay and she can be open about it now and she goes on to get herself a beautiful rich powerful girlfriend and my girl pen is set bitch !!! (i will also only accept alice and hal breaking up if alice too comes out and ends up with penelope)

somebody was coming out of my version of s2 gay i mean listen i could also write you a thing about how fp and fred could still get together ...

YOU KNOW WHAT LETS FUCKING TALK ABOUT HOW FP AND FRED COULD GET TOGETHER WHY THE FUCK NOT ITS MY SEASON 2 IMMA DO WHAT I WANT  ITS 20GAYTEEN

fps been spending all this time around fred nursing him back to health after the shooting

and theyve been able to work out all their unresolved bullshit

plus them teaming up to take hiram down

theyve been spending many a cold winter night together

old flames are rekindling 

they both notice they each keep finding little reasons to touch one another

theyre stealing glances when they think the other one isnt paying attention

they start to notice how fucking happy theyve been together theyve both become so playful and intimate with one another

theyre at pops one night having milkshakes

fred has whipped cream on his face

fps trying to tell him where but fred keeps missing it

theyre both laughing

fp reaches over and swipes his thumb softly over the corner of freds mouth

their laughter starts to die down as they both realize theres still this spark of electricity between them

its been sitting there under the surface this whole time waiting to blow up

next thing they know fps leaning over the table to kiss fred 

its soft and sweet and gentle but filled with such passion and urning its been so long since anyones touched them like this and god all the memories of their secret high school hookups come flooding back its like no time at all has passed they just fit together so well

ANYWAY now that fps with fred and this whole north v south thing is going on its creating a whole bunch of tension and like imagine all the drama that would come from the leader of the serpents dating riverdale mayor fred andrews oh my god ??? sign me the absolute fuck up where is THAT iconic storyline

speaking of fred

where the fuck is that pill addiction huh??? we gotta throw that in for drama ok i NEED. IT.

and then mary gets called into town and fp mary and archie are coming together to get fred through this. holding a fucking INTERVENTION ??? 

alice can show up too why not

bring hal

hermione maybe? like i know in her heart she probably cares but maybe dont have your ex gf who is also a mob boss show up at your intervention....

although that would make for a good fp x hermione showdown

hermiones invited

what else do we need....

i need alice and hermione

i dont know in what capacity i just know i need it

we definitely need a moms night out episode which would be hilarious because it just ends with alice and penelope making out and hermione and mary making out and sierra is facetiming tom like “please come pick me up”

speaking of sierra i dont mind this storyline with tom i just wish we could..actually see it...

OH I ALMOST FORGOT SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT HOW DARE I! I NEED FP RAISING HIS SERPENT KIDS !!!! AND MY S2 INCLUDES JOAQUIN OK I MISS HIM JUST GIVE ME FP TRYING TO HERD JOAQUIN AND FANGS AND TONI AND SWEET PEA AND I GUESS JUGHEAD CAN COME ALONG TOO SINCE HES ACTUALLY FPS SON... WHATEVER

god i just want fp and fred having date night down at the whyte wyrm and tonis pestering them about sharing stories from high school and how they fell in love and she wants to hear all the hot gossip and jugheads like “no gross i dont want to hear this”but joaquin an fangs and sweet pea are ENTHRALLED like they wanna hear everything too they wanna know about all the stupid shit fred and fp used to do to land in detention

OH OH AND THEN WE CAN HAVE A WHOLE THING WITH PENELOPE AND CHERYL HAVING A HEART TO HEART ABOUT PENELOPE BEING IN LOVE WITH ALICE IN HIGH SCHOOL AND WE GET PARALLELS OF THEM AND CHONI

i told yall this shit was gonna be all over the place

hell maybe even gladys played by neve campbell would show up at one point so fp can see his fucking daughter thatd be neat

and gladys and fp decide to end things for good and go through with the divorce but its amicable and theyre friends. she could move back to riverdale but then im thinking of jellybean having to be taken out of school... so maybe they stay in toledo but gladys and fp come up with a plan for holidays and summer vacation and its all just very pleasant ok. 

if we want to go with the tragic heterosexual version of riverdale, i fully support gladys and fp getting back together btw its what god wants

but so long as we’re living in my lala fantasy land.... fp ends up with fred and gladys and fp call truce

alice and fp would be F R I E N D S

no ones hiding no dead bodies

no ones making weird inappropriate comments about leaving spouses

alice is not going serpent!alice on everyone

no

gross

get out of my face

theyre friends and they banter a lot but theres still a deep PLATONIC love there for each other

ok i think i covered everything i wanted.....

am i delusional?

maybe

but is my version more fun?

absolutely

[gayspock]

dont rb, rply... last bost and then i’ll Bury these babies

even getting angry over it is so.... cowardly, really. i should really just fucking face the fact im better off dead instead of trying to Mask it in twenty levels of denial and shitty emotions, stop trying to Blame it on other peoplee, and just fucn Swallow the fact i am a fucking. trashbag. and shits my Fault. and i cant do Squat. and stop getting so Whiny about it and just fucking Die because thats the Logical conclusion you can draw from such a worthless, fucking burden of an existence.

like i dont fucking know. i dont know why im alive still. theres fucking nothing for me and i dont know why the fuck i bother to cling on, and i say this every time  - i whine about this, every time!!! oh no. im fucking garbage at everything, i just mess everything up, im stupid and im incompetent and i fucking Break things just by touchin ‘em and im always Far more trouble than its worth and God Knows everyone just gives up on that kinda Wreck. slike you know when everything just Falls apartlike i cant!!! god, i dotn know. i just wish there was somethin to fuckin hold onto but i have no future im Stuck in this house with a family that rightfully fucking Hate my guts i cant live for my fucking Self because everythingss just Hurting and Horrible and Miserable and reminds me of how much of a Colosal fuck up i am and god knows its sso Fucking pathetic trying to find people who want me because i never anything more than a big Fucking joke in the end and maybe thats what im Kinda upset the most about right now like. 

like you know when slike!!! you feel so so worthless and people are like “stop saying that” and slike. im not ssaying it because i WANT you to validate me or im fishing for people to be like “no no no” aand i know some people do that and i dont want to Seem like that person i just. but i genuienly dont want th at and i ahte that i fucking. hate when people take Such fucking pity on you for being uch a fucking w aste of space and they pretend to fuckin like you out of pity and they pretend like they care and mayb they Think they do!!! maybe they Think they believe they actually respect you, because they want to think that theyd see someone that way!! 

but then the Reali-tea of it all is they think youre a fucing j oke and not in a !!! cruel way they jsut. think youre a fucking w reck and. think yorue being stupidd and pathetic and they know be tter they always know fucking better and i dont now im jsut. im sick of people sometmes??? im sick of people just shutting me down and not lsitening to me when i try to talk, and they dont even knoww theyre doing it, but its like !! actions speak louder than words, man, and even though youre constantly trying to Reassure me that u value u me as a person, its so Horribly obvious when you dont even give me a fuckin Platform to speak, or even try to understand me, that slike??? im nothing to you, im Nothing at all really and i jsut. i dont know. like you kknow when people treat you wih disrespect but sliek. they dont even kno theyre doin it and its like!! thAT HURTS a lot more because its not even malicious or them trying to make themselves feel better its the fact You are not deserving of it and you are so iincompetent and fucking wo ethelss and i dont know maybe im being too fucking. much here i just.

like i jsut kinda... i dont know. i wish i was Worth as much as everyone else and i wish i couldd be just.f feel like im an Equal person amongst peers but it always jsut feels lik im the stupid fucking joke and i jsut. maaan i jsst wish i felt a little Reeal for once and had a fuckin purpsoe and i wish my feelings mattered and maybe thats childish and god knows im one childish bastard but i ufcking. bbwhewjeughdhdj.