#god they're such messes and they hate themselves so much i'm just [picks up the boys and hauls them to therapy]

[sciderman]

Hello sci. Do you happen to have a list of reasons why the spiderman/Deadpool comic is ass because I haven't read it in forevers and I seriously can't remember all the details anymore😭😭 TRYING to convince my friend who's only read that comic and none of the others that it's not good but it's so embarrassing since I don't really have any good reasons with the panels to prove it💔💔 Anyways I figured I'd give asking you about it a shot since your always writing your paragraphs upon paragraphs about comics... Maybe you have a list or something. Plus I think the way you talk about things is nice n easy to understand. :3

bless you @deadpoolpie! i do think it's always best to form your own opinions about things but i'll never miss an opportunity to dunk on sm/dp because i'm always perpetumad about all the POTENTIAL and marvel just. never delivering.

i'm not going to do panels, because - that series is such a mess that i can't even bare to go through it again. i just can't do it. it's practically indecipherable.

so. i think the first misstep in sm/dp was the timing. it was just, ultimately, the worst time to start a sm/dp series. the spider-man and deadpool series did not work because spider-man and deadpool were not working in their own series either. it was the least spider-manny and deadpooly that spider-man and deadpool have ever been. spider-man was running parker industries, being a billionaire and basically, being entirely what peter parker was never meant to be. and deadpool was a member of the avengers, was also kind of a multi-millionaire - had employees on payroll, had a wife and a kid, and ultimately was busy being entirely not what deadpool should be, either.

it was a bad time to do a spider-man and deadpool series, because spider-man and deadpool were not, presently, spider-man and deadpool.

2. joe kelly is bad at writing spider-man. he's good at writing deadpool. he's good at that. but he is so. abysmally bad at writing spider-man, particularly when spider-man is standing next to deadpool.

joe kelly will, without fail, make spider-man look like an ableist jackass and - honest to god, do very little that makes us like him. i can't think of a single moment in the spider-man and deadpool series were peter parker is sympathetic. the only time he's ever painted favourably is when he is apologising to deadpool for being wrong. and he is. consistently wrong. he doesn't have a single moment in that series where he is not wrong.

3. don't like healed wade. think it's stupid. think the reasoning is god awful too, and you would not believe the number of asks i've gotten on the blog because of this, in the vein of "wow... wade's only scarred because he doesn't love himself... wade... why don't you try loving yourself..."

i want to boil spider-man alive for this scene specifically

5. the jokes aren't funny. this is subjective but. the jokes aren't funny. it doesn't land for me. it's dated pop-culture references and just... i don't know, i guess i'm not who it's for. i don't know who the jokes are for, but, not me. and i think most people i've spoken to who DO play overwatch throw up in their mouths whenever i whip out this panel.

6. i know there are other bits of this series not written by joe kelly. i don't like those bits either. i don't think they're as egregious because i don't know. kelly was setting the tone and the other guys were just picking up an already underwhelming series. by the time the other guys picked up the writing i'd already jumped ship. i already wanted nothing to do with the series. i've tried reading the series, start-to-finish, but - it really gives me no pleasure at all. there's nothing in there i like. like. nothing at all. and those readers i spoke to that HAVE managed to subject themselves to the whole series have all said they're ultimately disappointed. and yeah. i don't imagine it going any other way.

i kind of love myself too much to fester over this series and force myself to hate read it. there's so much good content out there i haven't read yet. so why force myself to partake of the bad. it's not my obligation. if it's bad and i don't like it, then it's bad and i don't like it. self care is choosing to forget that the sm/dp series exists and moving on with love in my heart and sunshine in my mind

[ilikereadingactually]

The Archive Undying

The Archive Undying by Emma Mieko Candon

WOW, this is a ride, in so many ways. i really dig sff that drops me in without explanations and lets me learn the world through context, and i adore a book that really asks me to do a lot of thinking and piecing together and interpreting subtleties. i'm a go-with-the-flow reader, i don't really go back to look again at anything or look up words as i read, i trust the narrative to make sense eventually. this book satisfies and rewards all of that!! i found it a little denser than is ideal for me, but dense in that lush, humid way where you're a little out of breath all the time. i don't think i fully have a grasp on the world or the nuances of the plot, which makes it feel pleasantly surreal and makes me really excited for the next book.

i do feel fully invested in and in love with the main characters, which makes the whole thing work for me. Sunai is such a mensch!!! Veyadi tries hard and loves with ragged edges! everyone is a personality and a delight even when they're deceiving each other and switching sides and screwing up and hating themselves, and i think it's because Sunai's pov is so tender and generous. he's a big mess, and is willing to accept and forgive the messiness of the people he loves; how could he, wounded as he is, expect anyone else to be flawless? it makes me love him, and makes me love everyone who loves him.

other highlights for me are the complexities of personhood presented here: there are corrupted AI gods and humans damaged by their interfaces, there are intelligences within intelligences and fragments of being and surprising mergers of thought and self. it's like a political conflict happening inside a funhouse, with pleasingly incomplete religious underpinnings that put me in mind of A Psalm for the Wild-Built, except it's nothing like that book at all in tone or temperament. also, mlm main characters, which seems fairly rare still in this kind of epic speculative fiction, plus interesting gender things going on in general! also also, i'm such a sucker for Asian-based sff worlds, and this one has that feel: some East Asian, some Southeast, some South, flavoring the names and the language and the food and the feel without any one-to-one mapping of cultures in this book onto cultures in the real world.

the deets

how i read it: an e-galley through NetGalley, from the elusive Tor, my current fave publisher just pumping out bangers all the time. upon getting access to this i felt the way you do when a cat chooses to sniff your hand.

try this if you: like to float and be carried by beautiful prose in a vast and deep moving landscape you can never see all of at once, enjoy queers making bad choices for good reasons, dig a book where the relationships are varied and interesting and often sexual without any of the usual "romantic" tropes, have feelings about questions of selfhood, or understand revenge but prefer mercy.

maybe not for you if: you get very frustrated by books that move fast without explaining much, and books that are purposefully playing with mysterious perspectives and voices. this book does not show its cards, and i love that but i know it can be a dealbreaker for some.

some lines i really liked: this is a loooong book so i picked out a few.

It is excruciating to behold. Sunai understands that they know each other. He and Imaru first met Ruhi when he and she were still running together, and Imaru brought Ruhi's letter to Ghamor only a couple of months ago. None of that mitigates the bodily shock of seeing them together. Talking. The panicked realization that they could talk to each other about him--that they have likely already done this--compels Sunai to interrupt.

...

He never imagined that Ruhi might already have chosen to do the damnable thing himself. It makes him feel a certain fuck of a way.

...

"It killed the sentinel-fowl," says Veyadi.

By the counter, Imaru stills. "What?"

"I killed the sentinel-fowl," Sunai clarifies.

"That isn't explaining," says Jin. "What do you mean you killed it? Lay it out plain for those of us who aren't fondling each other's neurons."

pub date: June 27, 2023!

[fennel-tea]

Roland/Angela for the ship asks

A+ OTP 10/10 Absolutely Godtier

okay, so the non-spoiler reason: Their dynamic rules. I think they bounce off each other incredibly well, they pick up on each other's mannerisms in a way I think is really sweet, Angela forcibly and violently removing all of Roland's limbs in the literal first two minutes of the game is probably the best meet-cute I've ever encountered.

It never feels like Designated Het (because, well...it isn't), Roland is also one of the only characters who just...never really questions Angela's personhood, and honestly I just adore them even just platonically. They get each other. But I, being myself, love it when things are just a little bit Messy.

Which is where we get into the spoiler reasons under the cut.

SO GUESS WHO IS STILL—STILL—FUCKED UP ABOUT THE LYRICS TO GONE ANGELS

The second The Reveal happened the friend who was watching me stream had a moment where we were just like "....welp this went from good ship to godtier ship"

I'm quoting myself from a previous discord conversation but the thing about Library of Ruina is that the core conflict is two extremely traumatized people knowingly walking into a sunk cost fallacy and having to consciously choose to break the cycle of violence for the sake of themselves, the people around them, and especially each other and I FUCKING LOVE IT ITS SUCH A MESS

They are both so fucked up in so many of the same ways and their conscious choice to continue to push their individual revenge agendas is unhealthy, and they know it is, but they both rationalize it as "I've come this far, I can't stop now"

...even if they don't necessarily want to.

By the end of Ruina, Roland and Angela love each other. Doesn't matter which way you interpret that, they really do.

They're dear friends (in Angela's case, Roland is her only friend)—Roland straight up starts crying when he ultimately chooses to turn his weapon on Angela, because the situation they're in sucks so fucking bad and he hates doing it, but if he stops then what was the point of all the pain and death? Does it render Angelica's death meaningless?

If Angela stops then what was her literal megaannum of pain for? Does it render all the suffering she inflicted, under Ayin's programming or otherwise, meaningless?

Angela and Roland, like the Sephirot back in lobcorp, are both so wrapped up in their own issues and personal pain that even beginning to push past that for the sake of themselves and each other, is a monumental task in itself. But.

It's that conscious choice that saves them.

In either of the endings where one kills the other they're both left waltzing down a lonely and miserable spiral that leads to their ultimate death, but choosing to finally stop carrying that pain as a shield so they can forgive each other means both of them get a second chance at life, to be happy, by each other's side, and just. They find fulfillment in each other!! They Get each other!!

augh god I fucking love Angela/Roland y'all I love characters who are two sides of the same coin idk how this is as much of a rarepair as it is

I get why people would be put off by it being het but it's got fucking Flavor

...also, if I may be a nitpicky little hagette for a brief moment, I keep seeing the notion that Roland is a father figure to Angela, which. what on earth are you smoking. you don't have to shove every character relationship you'd rather view platonically into Neat Nuclear Family Roles I promise it won't kill you

[murfpersonalblog]

Thinking about Loustat in Dark!AUs

So I just finished Chapter 7 of lesfleursrouges' Dark!AU The Splendour Of Us, and OOF! Emotional Damage! 😭 After I recovered a bit from the TRAUMA, I got to thinking about Loustat in general.

Louis' problem's that he's fundamentally a spoiled princess who's been so sheltered/closeted that he never really grew up--he reacts best when people gaslight him into giving him exactly what he wants. And Lestat's problem's that he's fundamentally a spoiled prince who's been so deprived/starved of affection that he grew up too fast--he reacts best when he can lovebomb people into liking/loving him. Loustat was best when Lestat was wooing & courting Louis. It's manipulation, sure, but Loustat really can't handle honesty either, so it is what it is: TOXIC AF. ☠️ Eff the AU, Loustat is inherently Dark. We're just fortunate enough that AR lived long enough to give them a happy ending together in canon.

But Loustat also needed friends, and momentary distractions, and periods of separation, cuz they're both vampires who suck each other dry, and that's when the big blowups happen. The Chateau Era worked for them cuz they had already lived through those necessary growing pains without hovering around to pick at each other's wounds.

Louis had Armand (an old little boy), and Lestat had David (a young old man), who were reflections of themselves, revealing just how hollow Louis & Lestat were without each other. Armand was there to support/nurse/spoil Louis during his 2nd depression era (the gaslighting of it all...), before he got tired of Louis and dumped him for Daniel. David was there to give Lestat some much-needed adult supervision (the daddy/mommy issues...) during his cockeyed adventures, and when he got fed up with Lestat's mess David settled into giving other vampires a shoulder to cry on (ie: writing their memoirs as Daniel 2.0).

But during the final trilogy, we see Louis and Lestat finally matured. In Merrick, Louis has come to grips with losing Claudia and accepting his part/fault in why she hated Loustat; that Lestat is NOT the only villain/devil Louis painted him as in IWTV. Louis finds a new family in adopting Rose (and Viktor by association), cuz really what he wants is a FAMILY. He's at peace with his newfound powers, and has found it in him to forgive Lestat, proposing to him this time around in RoA. For Lestat, he has to learn some harsh lessons about thinking before he acts, and what it means to be responsible and held accountable, as he takes in the Core/Amel, and takes charge of the Chateau & restores the village--cuz really what he wants is a FAMILY.

Louis & Lestat are polar opposites, but opposites attract, and the reason they're so passionately compatible is cuz they're two sides of the same coin. They complete each other--I'm reminded of a line in another Dark!AU fic, bluebloodbruise's Go Fetch God, where Louis says: "I need you to put your fists down and look at me. Not like some object you created, but like an equal, your husband." That really sums up Loustat perfectly. They needed to learn how to stop fighting, and start communicating, and working together, cuz in the end they both want the same thing, they just didn't know how to ask.

[libertyreads]

Book Review #68 of 2024--

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snake by Suzanne Collins. Rating: 1.75 stars.

Read from November 15th to 20th.

This book has already taken far too much of my life away from me so I'm going to do my best to keep this review short and sweet (we'll see how that goes). I completely agree with my mutual @thelibrarywaltz who says in their review that retconning this series was a bad idea. Everything being shoehorned in to try to somehow give more credence to Snow's future political career felt so weird. The way Snow was able to weave in and out of places that are obviously not meant for him was weird. This whole thing was a mess.

I normally love a morally grey character and seeing how they became the way they are. (The joke in my house is that morally grey is my favorite color.) But, for some reason, Collins decided to not only make Snow the good guy in his own mind, but to also try to make him the good guy to the reader. Which absolutely did not work. Your villain will almost always see themselves as the good guy in whatever situation they find themselves in. But let a villain be a villain. Stop trying to create some sort of weird world where they can be both a villain and a good guy. What is that shit?

The relationship was triggering to me due to my own trauma and the way Snow kept referring to Lucy Gray as "his girl." Other people did too, but in the context of this story, it made sense to call a tribute the girl of her mentor. (Please, for the love of god, do not get me started with Snow being a fucking mentor or I will go off.) Other times the reader would find Snow getting jealous over things that aren't worthy of that energy which was very reminiscent of my own past. But the part at the end that felt like it came straight from a Horror novel was probably the most triggering part of the romance for me. Snow hunting Lucy Gray down in the dark was too much.

The thing that bothered me the most, however, was probably how poorly this was written. Everything important in setting the world up for what is seen in The Hunger Games felt shoehorned in. Everything that was supposed to be personal and moving felt bland or just disgusting to me. Everything that was supposed to build up Snow into the man he eventually becomes was poorly executed.

I originally didn't want to pick this one up when I heard it was coming out. I also saw the generally poor reviews coming in after its release and felt confident in my decision to not read it. Then a few years later the reviews coming out were getting better so I bought it. Then I heard about the Haymitch book coming out next year and slated this for a monthly TBR. And it turns out I was right all along. Don't make prequels to really popular series! They're unnecessary and you'll spend so much time and effort on fan service that everyone will hate it. So much for a short and sweet review!

[magnuficent76]

Hey guys I'm Normal about ocs. Here's Baltazar because I love them so so bad.

- What would they be embarrassed to admit about themself? What would they deny about themself?

☆ Baltazar is ashamed of literally Every Part Of Himself even if he really wishes he wasn't. It's more compulsory than anything, but they feel like if they're vulnerable for even a split second everyone is going to immediately start taking them apart the same way they do it to themselves. His whole life has been shameful in his eyes and as such unless he's ABSOLUTELY SURE he can trust other people, he would rather hide it all behind a wall of what everyone already expects and is familiar with <3 however, if they absolutely had to pick, it'd be anything related to their sports career and the whole… yk, alcoholism thing.

- Opposite to the above: What would they proudly admit, and what would they like to claim about themself?

☆ Hmmm… not a lot if we're being honest. Maybe their current profession as a farmhand/magica inspector. Or his kids ! He's real proud of those !... nd yeah nothing else.

- If caught in an inconsistency or a hypocrisy, how do they react? How would they go about fixing it, or alternatively, how would they go about denying and deconstructing it?

☆ Baltazar can't lie as per Celestial law, which makes them shake and blink compulsively to indicate them lying, but they ARE really good at wording actual facts into less conspicuous stuff. Loophole yay ! They don't often have to go back and fix their words, but if they do, they'll more often than not just add more stuff into the mix so it still won't TECHNICALLY be a lie, just a really over decorated truth. People buy it more often than not but if they don't, he just resorts to panic-gaslighting. Normal guy style.

- How much, and how deeply do they think about other characters' opinions that aren't about them specifically? For example if they knew one of their friends liked or disliked another person, how much thought do they give it?

☆ Baltazar values his friends' opinions and takes them to heart, so more often than not if his friends tell him someone is bad he'll try to keep a distance from them just until he can see if what his friends say it's true. Its a bad habit but they can't bring themselves to stop because of some codependency issues. Don't worry abouts it.

- Are they able to perform something 'Quick'? Do they prefer to sacrifice time over quality, or vice versa? How do they dispense effort per task?

☆ Oh absolutely. The switch between Baltazar's regular shy personality and their "performance" personality is like night and day. They learned how to do it early in their life so they could feel less anxious about Literally Everything, and now they do it on command. Balt, when he wants to be, is loud and unpredictable, really putting on a show for everyone around him so they don't notice how he's visibly shaking the entire time. Quality is important to him and he HATES having to do things out of the blue, often practicing several dozens of times before feeling he's got it down perfectly, but if time calls for it NOW then he's doing it NOW and he's doing it BIG. No halfwaysies we die like gods.

- How patient are they with themself vs. Others? Why, and how so?

(Small cw for suicide ment !)

☆ For everyone else, Baltazar is a saint. They can explain an instruction thousands of times in different ways just for someone to get it, and they'll be happy to assist in case they still need help, but with themself ??? Dude you might as well ask them to explode because there's nothing this man hates more than being understanding to themself. He messes up a single time and he's like "OK well guess you're too dumb nd stupid to do this even though you know how to. Fuckin idiot. Die now". He had to put a hex on himself to stop saying he's going to kill himself everytime he fails at something because it was disturbing other people. Normal style.

- How seriously do they carry other people's worries? How much does this impact their actions?

☆ They can't seriously be bothered to actually worry about themselves because of The Depression and such, but if other people express worry this guy would rather DIE than make them feel bad for not helping. Nooo girl I'm sorry I didn't take good care of myself and haven't slept for a week I'll do it right now ::( are you mad at me I'll explode for you if you want me to

- What would they Not want to change about themself? What parts of their self do they cling to, desperately? Even when those things would be already gone?

☆ This is actually kinda important in his later arc so I can't explain it too much but :3 heehoo.

- What would make them focus on themself more?

☆ People saying they want him to stop treating himself badly on purpose. It's literally like kryptonite to him. They feel SO bad having other people be worried for them so they immediately put in that extra effort to get the worry to stop.

- How do they tread around controversial opinions? Is it case by case, or depending on the company? In what way? Are they assured in their worldview or unsure? Are they open minded?

☆ Baltazar has been a punk by proxy since their conception like 3 million years ago before the word was even invented, so you bet your ass they're going to bring it up and be loud about it too. More often than not it comes up naturally and they talk about it but they're also just loud In General. His mind may be open but once something is in there it hardly ever gets out, so good luck trying to change his extremely concrete world view that has been Like That for hundreds of years now.

- How easily do they relate with other characters?

☆ He's (a little too) high empathy, so pretty easily all things considered ! Giving advice to everyone else is way easier than following it himself though...

Getting to know your character better

Here's some (hopefully) less basic things to think about when deepening your character.

- What would they be embarrassed to admit about themself? What would they deny about themself?

- Opposite to the above: What would they proudly admit, and what would they like to claim about themself?

- If caught in an inconsistency or a hypocrisy, how do they react? How would they go about fixing it, or alternatively, how would they go about denying and deconstructing it?

- How much, and how deeply do they think about other characters' opinions that aren't about them specifically? For example if they knew one of their friends liked or disliked another person, how much thought do they give it?

- Are they able to perform something 'Quick'? Do they prefer to sacrifice time over quality, or vice versa? How do they dispense effort per task?

- How patient are they with themself vs. Others? Why, and how so?

- How seriously do they carry other people's worries? How much does this impact their actions?

- What would make them focus on themself more?

- What would they Not want to change about themself? What parts of their self do they cling to, desperately? Even when those things would be already gone?

- Do they think of something as "Their thing", even though other people would disagree? Why so? Are they just not as open or upfront about it as they think? Or do they have gaps in self perception?

- Opposite of the above: Are there some things that others would consider "Their thing" in relation to your character, but they disagree? Why?

- How do they tread around controversial opinions? Is it case by case, or depending on company? In what way? Are they assured in their worldview or unsure? Are they open minded?

- How easily do they relate with other characters?

[dumbthingsthat]

I moved out and I'm so fucking depressed i can't do anything else besides go to work and come back and lay down. I pay for everything. I clean everything. I keep stuff running. My "partner" just makes messes and doesn't clean up after themselves and has the goddamn nerve to say they work too much. I work 40 hr weeks, 10hr days, 7 to 6 and then i still have to cook and clean and do it all over again. For fucking $15 an hour AND IM THE MAIN BREAD WINNER?? Complain about their job but still not do anything to find another one or invest time elsewhere. It must be nice to decide to not go into work full knowing your partner has to shoulder most if not all the bills.

Must be fucking nice to invite your friends over to "your" place and smoke weed and ruin things in "your"place. I heard all the time how you want to feel comfortable in your place BUT I DON'T GET THAT LUXURY. I don't get to feel comfortable bc i have to pick up after a grown person. I can't sleep at night bc they keep rolling over on my side. Now i get why my mom sleeps on the couch so much. There's no space for her. I got an office chair and I haven't even gotten to use it at all BUT THEY GET TO USE IT. MY CHAIR THAT I BOUGHT THEY GET TO USE MORE THAN ME.

They are so co-dependent, I can't like spend time by myself without having them wonder if I'm mad. NO I WOULD JUST LIKE TO HAVE MY SPACE TO DO WHAT I WANT. WE CAN HAVE SEPARATE LIVES AND LIVE TOGETHER. It drives me up a fucking wall how much they need me to literally be like in the same room to have reassurance. How the fuck can you miss me when we are literally in the same apartment?? I didn't go anywhere, i am 2 doors away. I didn't miss my parents or my brothers when they were in the same house but we were in separate rooms??? I fucking hate that shit. I can't feel comfortable, I'm getting pushed out of my own space THAT I PAY FOR and it pisses me off. They bitched about having everybody always needing them to do something that they were perfectly capable of doing themselves but for whatever reason they don't get that's exactly what they're doing to me. I have to clean shit that you can put up yourself. I have to pay for shit and hope you have money to pay for half of it and still get whined at if i don't let you get what you want. PAY FOR SOMETHING AND YOU CAN GET WHATEVER. ITS MY FUCKING MONEY THAT I WORK FOR AND CANNOT EASILY TAKE A DAY OFF BC I DON'T FEEL "RESTED" ENOUGH FOR. I AM EXHAUSTED BUT CAN'T SLEEP. I AM ANGRY AND CAN'T TELL YOU WITHOUT YOU CRYING AND BEING ANXIOUS ABOUT IT. I AM SICK OF LIVING THIS WAY AND IT HAS BEEN 3 WEEKS. God i am tempted to just go back home and like pay for stuff here but i cannot sleep, I'm going insane and it's impossible to do anything until my insurance kicks in next month. I am really at a jumping off point and literally having nothing I can think of to hold me back is fucking terrifying. I moved out, i work in the field i want, i am completely independent now and i want to stop existing. I hate it

[aselfking123]

Wide Awake Blacked Out

Watch all the people around you like they're scrutinizing your every motion; stick your hands in your pockets so no one sees how much you're fidgeting; no one cares anyway, so it doesn't really matter; don't forget to adjust the way you're sitting so no one can see your lower back, and fix that weird lump the zipper of your jacket makes when you lean forward; in fact, nothing really matters; pull on your fingers until you feel better, and if that doesn't work, bite your nails until they bleed; your foot drumming against the floor is vibrating the whole table, the person sitting next to you is annoyed, stop; fix your jacket it's making you look fat; maybe consider wearing something else today, because we wouldn't want anyone to see how you really look; all the people who say you're a good person are lying, they're just being nice; God, I just want to lie here until the pain goes away; stop sleeping, you're wasting time; stop doing that, it's unproductive; leave me alone; your life is a wreck, you really need to get it under control before people start thinking you're a mess; you don't even know who you are, how pathetic; pick at the scab so it never heals; ouch, actually stop that it hurts; but keep doing it anyway; I can't feel it anyway; don't eat too much, people will think you're some kind of pig; be carefully how quietly you chew your food, we wouldn't want people to be disgusted by our presence; stop breathing so hard, it was just a flight of stairs, you sound like a hippo; everything is so hard, please just let me rest; all of your successes are fabricated, the product of a system that rewards mediocrity; but that's not true, I worked hard on; don't accept those compliments, because those people are just lying to be nice, they actually hate you for your success; your friends are all doing well for themselves, but you're not; look at all those people having fun together and feel bad because you're so wholly alone; stop complaining, there're people starving in Africa; ignore the rumbling in your stomach, you don't really need the food anyway; oh my God, you're so annoying, look they're bored out of their mind listening to you ramble; no one wants to hear about your interests or hobbies, you're too boring for that; okay, if you say so; don't ask for that money back, it would be rude; don't tell the barista they made your drink wrong, that would be rude; don't go back to the counter to tell the cook your chicken was raw in the middle, that would be rude, even if you spent ten bucks on inedible chicken; they can all hear your voice shaking, just look at them; I just want to listen to my music; Jesus, your taste in literature is laughable, read something more sophisticated so people won't roll their eyes when you say what you're reading, even if it will bore you to tears; why did you say that, it was so dumb; please, just let me be; they all think so little of you, so you need to do everything in your power to regain their affirmation and praise, because nothing else matters in this world; fine I guess I won't sleep; you're so useless, mooching off the people around you; but I just crocheted a blanket, how could I be usele; what a freeloader, get your life together; what are you going to do?  You have no plans; stop I'm going to cry; and that's another thing, so sensitive, learn to take criticism and recognize when someone is trying to help you; why are you so mean to me?; Stop crying, right now; look at yourself in the mirror, look at what a terrible person you are; emotions are irrelevant; but I'm human, i have feeli; you're such a waste of space, no one, not even your closest friends, love you; suck it up; life's hard, then you die, that's what they say; leave me alone I don't want to be around you anymore; oh, you poor, sweet thing, don't you understand?  I'm here for the long haul.  

[holydivers]

theo is such a funny character he went completely batshit and then he got better and was like “wow that was fucked up i deserve to die for that someone kill me” and elsa was like nope you can’t get out of it that easily you have to stay alive and deal with the burden of knowing what irredeemable shit you’ve done you don’t get a redemption arc OR closure. so now he’s just fuckin chilling in a castle basement hoping someone kills him while also trying to find a way to become completely invulnerable bc the mercy of death is too good for him and all his friends are like dude what the fuck

[dogboyautism]

I think this is a very good addition. I was taught a very perfectionist, "commit a sin? repent repent repent, pray you might be saved" that scared me from the religion.

My partner was taught differently thought, about the point of jesus dying for sin was to make sure we all got into heaven and that it could be about that love thing instead. If I were to get involved in it that'd be what would work. I don't get how some Christians think scare tactics work. Why would I want to follow a religion that hates me for things I can't control?

OPs post (I've read it now) is a mess that I think misses the point and makes really unsupported claims. I'd almost be willing to say it was made just so they could defend themselves on something, cause some of their other posts and all of the replies are just that. "I'm going to talk about some hot button issues and the trolls will come out," seriously? Not to mention they when over to my rb to do this shit:

They're picking apart my tags where I said "how did they only think the gay shit started with the last episode" (which was because I misread, something I will concede that much) and because I tagged their post with "homophobia." I wasn't going to get into this, but I think it's so fucking egregious to use a show like this to peddle religious dogma when it just has no business doing that. I love this show, I'm tired of hearing bad about it, and I want to talk about it.

Saying White Diamond is a "God like being" (ops god) isn't a fair argument because op believes their god to be perfect, which White is not. That's the whole last bit of Change Your Mind, she is flawed. White mistook Steven for Rose and ruled Homeworld fascisticly. Saying Steven Universe goes against God doesn't work; there is no God in Steven Universe. They later go back on this really poorly in my opinion. Is WD a God-like, perfect being that it's wrong to challenge because "you can't question God's authority" (they said this in replies) or are they "not God" (said at the end of the post) and God isn't like that because a Jewish creator doesn't know God apparently? (/rhetorical)

Steven Universe's finale isn't about god it's about going against fascism, conformsim, and homophobia on the wide spectrum. It's about doing what you can to make a change. You can tie any of those to Change Your Mind very easily. Here's a clip from James Woodall's video "The Most Interesting Scene in Steven Universe," that I think perfectly summarizes what Homeworld (and therefore White Diamond, they are very closely related) are actually about:

Which I bring up because in the replies the OP had brought up that they could be wrong about what White Diamond was about, but would need a source on that. Here's the full podcast that clip is from, they start talking about it at 17:15, this section is too long for me to clip:

I think how Rebecca used this as inspiration is extraordinarily interesting, and chalking WD up to this kind of analogy just really wasn't sitting right to me. The replies of this post are a mess, I don't recommend fighting this person.

“At least it's not ferociously attacking God quite as directly as Steven Universe did…”

Not that I’m surprised by this statement, but can you elaborate on this? Kinda intrigued by your thoughts on Steven Universe.

Okie dokie, you’re not the only one who has asked me about this, so I suppose I’ll poke the hornet’s nest. 😅 I haven’t talked about this before because I assumed that everyone who wanted to hear my kinds of opinions on stories wasn’t watching or interested in Steven Universe.

It’s like asking vegetarian if they enjoyed a turkey dinner. The turkey dinner was so obviously not made for vegetarians to enjoy, so why would the vegetarian even bother analyzing the turkey?

But I think if some people are asking me why I think Steven Universe is anti-God (of the Bible) its because maybe they don’t know what the turkey is. Not completely. (Maybe not you, because like you said, you’re not surprised by my comment.) So I’ll explain my thoughts on Steven Universe.

If you’re just following me because you liked some stuff I posted, but didn’t realize that I’m a Bible-believing Christian and don’t want to hear about it, unfollow me now. Because I’m going to talk about some hot button issues here and the trolls will come out.

Steven Universe is really well-done. The jokes are funny, the writing is believable, the characters have great chemistry, great design, the concept is fascinating, the slow build-up and reveal of the plot elements is great. But when you watch the throne room scene in the last episode of Season 5 “Change Your Mind,” it’s alarmingly clear how much the whole show is not just settling for defending and championing the LGBTQ+ worldview—it goes all the way to attacking what Christians believe, on the other side.

Anything that’s pro-LGBTQ+ is doing that by default, but this show goes out of its way to do that.

You have to understand: God created and designed us. Deeper than that; He created and designed romantic relationships, and invented marriage. He didn’t just create love—He is love. So when humans come along and do what we’ve always done since the fall, and say, “I’d rather define what Your thing is and how it works for myself, God,” it’s not only an incredible slap in the face, it’s an attack on God’s actual identity—and it’s destructive for us and the people around us. Like a fish insisting it can breathe oxygen.

But Steven Universe goes beyond that. It knows that the Christian worldview is it’s biggest opposition. It digs right down to the heart of the worldview-battle. LGBTQ+ worldview says, “I should get to love what I want and be who I am, because I’m me. Love is love. (By which I mean, any action or relationship I choose to call love is love, because I’m the one calling it that.)”

Biblical worldview says “No, wait, you shouldn’t base your decisions on you alone; what you want changes day to day, and you’re broken, so you can’t ever be satisfied based on what you want—the Bible says God made you for something, and you rejected that, and it broke you. You’re not how you’re meant to be: even what you want and what you think love is is twisted up and can hurt you and others. But if you submit to God He’ll help you, He’ll fix what’s broken and give you new life by making you how you were supposed to be: He’ll live in you and through you.”

Are we beginning to get the picture?

See, the whole thing with the opposing views between LGBTQ+ and Christian people is as old as time. It’s not a new debate. It’s Satan and Eve in the garden. She says, “This is not how God said things should be,” and Satan says, “Are you sure that’s what He said? He knows if you do this thing, you’ll be like Him. You’ll be god: you’ll get to decide ‘how things should be’ for yourself.”

He lied and said that disobedience would satisfy her. That she knew what her own heart needed better than the God that made it did. That the very act of being imperfect would make her godlike.

And then Steven Universe comes along and says “if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hotdogs.”

And has a cast of created being characters who’s imperfections (Garnet’s forbidden “love,” Pearl’s obsession, Amethyst’s insecurity) are supposedly “the best thing about them; what makes them who they are.”

And has a main character who used to be a part of the god-like creator relationship, but used her power to come down to earth and completely change who she is into a fully different person.

And has a godlike Creator character who claims she “doesn’t need” her created beings (just like the God of the Bible) but they all have a little part of their creator in them so she has to repress their imperfections; she holds them all to a standard that’s impossible to reach called “perfection” and punishes them when they don’t meet it even though it hurts them to try; she expects them all to do what they were created by her for; she fixes them when they can’t meet her standard by shining her light through them and making them extensions of their Creator.

And has a main character who argues, fights back, tries to stop her, and is answered with lines that sound surprisingly like what LGBTQ+ people hear when Christians argue with them: “you’re only making things worse; you’re just deceiving yourself; even while you resist it your actual light can’t help shining through,” etc.

White Diamond just wants everything to be perfect. Like her. She just wants her created beings to “be themselves.” But what she means is, be how she created them to be.

And she’s the bad guy. She’s playing God in this show, and Rebecca Sugar is saying, “If God is telling us that can only be happy by being perfect, as He is perfect, and doing what He created us to do, then He’s wrong. Our imperfections are what make us special—unique—individuals—free—and there is nobody who has the right to take that freedom away from us, not even out creator!”

And you know what?

If God were like White Diamond, like Rebecca Sugar believes Him to be, Steven Universe would be right.

But He is NOT.

God is not a dictator who forces us to conform to a standard of perfection and then smashes us when we don’t meet it. He is a King who made us perfect to begin with, and we rejected him, because He allowed us to do that. He knew that true love was love that had to be chosen, and He wanted us to love Him by choice, so he gave us the option. But Rebecca Sugar doesn’t understand—there was never “Choose God or Choose Yourself.” There was only, “Choose God or Choose Nothing.” There was nothing except God. Then He created everything. There is no version of reality where you have something better than God, or even slightly less good but different, to pick. You’re not jumping from one ship into a smaller one, but at least it’s yours—you’re jumping from one ship into a void, and then complaining that there’s no other ship. That’s humans. That’s not God. / White Diamond didn’t make her creations perfect (Amethyst) and she didn’t make them for love. She made them for power. That’s not the God of the Bible.

Even when we did choose to try and love ourselves instead of God, and therefore warped our ability to perfectly love at all, He didn’t smash us. True, everything fell and was cursed, which is exactly what He warned us would happen if we chose it, but it was a natural consequence of breaking ourselves. And then He didn’t leave us that way. He didn’t give up on us. And He certainly didn’t just zap us, snap His fingers, quick-fix it and turn us all into robots who are extensions of Him, who say they love Him but only because it’s His voice puppeting us to say it.

No. He came to us, chose to give up His life at the exact point on the timeline when Romans, masters in the art of slow, humiliating, torturous death, would be the ones to carry out His crucifixion, and saved us Himself. Through the sacrifice of His own life. And even then, we still have a choice. We get to choose to accept that incredible self-sacrifice when we don’t deserve it, and be given new life and a relationship with the Creator who knows us and loves us better than we can love ourselves or receive love from others—OR we can just keep stubbornly insisting that our slavery to the opposite of what God wants is somehow freedom, and our twisted versions of love are genuine, and we’re not broken, and die like that. Die broken creatures who lived their whole lives stomping their feet and screaming “I’m not a creature, I’m a god!”

White Diamond sacrifices nothing, because Rebecca Sugar doesn’t know the God of the Bible. She just knows her idea of Him. She’s never actually gotten to know Him. If she had, she’d learn how silly and twisted her idea is.

Because you know what, yeah, if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs. But people aren’t pork chops. And hot dogs have flavor (not better than pork chops) but they are awful for you.

Christians aren’t perfect cuts of meat with no individuality or flavor. Just because we all know and love the same God doesn’t mean we have no personalities. It just means we don’t think so freaking much about what we are, or who we get to be, or what we like and want. Jeez, what a self-centered, narcissistic, self-obsessed way to live. She plays Steven like he’s this wonder-child, innocent and full of heart, who encourages his friends to love and keep trying. But honestly?

This is very pretty animation but it’s not real. Steven looks happy hugging Steven but self-love doesn’t ultimately get you that.

That’s all based on the premise that what he’s encouraging them to do is actually good, and will make them happy, and will help them love better. And it just won’t. Not in real life. That’s not how any of this works. Self-love is just self-obsession. And that is a sure-fire way to hurt you, and everyone around you.

You’ll never be free by choosing to run to a worse master. You’ll never be satisfied with your crappy attempts at loving yourself, because you were made to be loved flawlessly and forever by someone who is Love Himself.

And choosing to identify with your imperfections doesn’t make you uniquely you. It just makes you exactly like every other human being marching in the same line since the Fall.

White Diamond’s not relational. She’s up high and distant. That’s not God. He made you to be in relationship with Him. He loves you, totally and perfectly, and He proved it by sacrificing for You.

So yeah. That’s the problem with Steven Universe. Come get me, SU fans.

[lovely-echoo]

Sleepy Bois Inc x FranBow!Reader

In-game AU

Part 2/? PT.1

Plantonic!SBI x Young!Reader

(10/11 years old)

Headcanons

Genderneutral reader (they/them) 💜

INFO; If you haven't played or seen game play of Fran Bow then you can skip this if you'd like. If you don't care then go ahead.

Summary; Basically if you've seen/played the game you should know how this goes, you take place of Fran. So you go/went through the same things she did and you still have Mr. Midnight. This takes place while Fran is still in the mental hospital and then got teleported near the SBI.

If I get any info wrong, I'm sorry! I rewatched Markiplier's game play so it shouldn't be way off.

P.s not everything is described the same.

(^ art by sunquids on twt)

CW/TW: mentions/includes of cussing, food/not eating properly, screaming, murder, death threats(?)

First Impressions

Philza

Was terrified honestly-

Thought you were dead at first

Mans was just walking around with his son when he heard a thud

Was 1000% not expecting a kid and a cat

Even worse when he tried to get closer the cat got defensive and swatted it’s claws at him

And when you woke up-

Oh boy-

You barely acknowledged him and picked up the cat

Which btw, the damn cat changed so quickly- it perked up and was all happy and shit

The sudden anger to happiness gave him whiplash the poor guy

Then when you started crying which that scared him to

But either way he wanted to help you

Blame the father instincts ig-

He saw the way you looked thinner and not in the way as in ‘I was born with a fast metabolism/naturally like that’ but in the way of ‘I haven’t gotten proper food in a while’

(Btw if you are a plus-sized reader, the same goes for you. I don’t want to specify anything, especially body types. But he could tell you haven’t eaten actual food :) bc we all know that asylum food is shit)

He also saw the way you lowkey gaped at his wings but shh-

^ Lowkey feels prideful about it but you didn't hear it from me-

He really tried to approach you as calmly as possible to not scare you

Can I also mention that when he saw how dull your eyes were he felt his heart shatter

He also physically winced when he heard you speak for the first time

Honestly got lost in thought with a bunch of concerns, worries and shit

Final Thoughts;

Thinks you're absolutely adorable

Wants to punt whoever left you here

Lowkey scared of your cat

Technoblade

At first did not care

Like at all

Also thought you were dead at first

Still didn’t care

But the more he examined you when you first met

There’s something about you that kinda…

Clicked?

Idk

But yeah

Was ticked off when you talked back but also impressed

Like he’s Technoblade, The Blood God.

Usually whenever he makes eye contact with people- especially kids

They cower, scream, panic and ect.

But you didn’t waver

But either way, he’s still very skeptical.

Will absolutely stay on guard with you around

Unless you don’t give him reason to

If the some of the voices are right

He will dropkick murder you

So just keep quiet about it for now, okay?

He actually kinda finds you interesting

He doesn’t know why, he just does

Maybe it’s your mannerisms but eh

Just watch yourself around him

He’s so stiff and stern around you to the point that you think you won’t wake up the next morning

Final Thoughts;

Still really iffy about you

Get's the most ill vibe from you

Wants the voices to stfu about how 'cute' you were

TommyInnit

Ima be completely honest with you-

He screamed.

Like as soon as he made eye contact with your bloodshot eyes

He just full on screamed

You don’t know what you did to scare the poor teen

But I guess you’ll never know

And ima be honest with you again

He doesn’t either.

Maybe it was the way your eyes bore into his when he first saw you

Lowkey thought you were half dead or a zombie or some shit

You just looked so…

Dead…?

You kinda looked like a doll to him

He’s not a fan of dolls

Will he apologize for screaming the first time ya’ll met?

Because that is lowkey rude to do-

Yes but actually no-

He feels bad but he’s got to much of a stick up his ass to apologize directly

But he’ll make it up to you one day

I hope-

But other than that

He’s happy to not be the youngest one around tho

Final Thoughts;

Still thinks you look like a creepy doll

Gets this vibe from you but can’t put his finger on it

Lowkey wants to take you out on an adventure and maybe introduce you to Tubbo

Wilbur;

He was actually in his room chilling

Practising his guitar for a new song he wrote

He was vibing

Then he heard a scream

Thought a cat or smt was being murdered

So he rushed downstairs expecting a dead animal or shit

Turns out it was just his younger brother

Was gonna scold him but he saw you and your cat

That btw, you were holding him in such a cute way and looked at him with these doe eyes

Mentally, emotionally and physically awed

Your farming his aw’s hold on a sec-

He’s in love omg-

Please he’s already thinking about doing sibling shit with you

He knows his dad will adopt you even if he said ‘They're staying here for a while before they go back home.'

Wil knows that’s a lie and you’ll be staying here for a lot longer

With your consent ofc

Either way finds you adorable, smol and just

You’re baby

To him, you’re baby

Final Thoughts;

You're baby

Wonders if you like music

But also gets a weird vibe from you

Bonus;

The Voices

Oh boy-

So many different opinions

Some want you dead

Some want to hug you

Some want your cat

Some hate your cat

It’s all a mess

But let’s focus on the positive ones-

A lot of them are still chanting ‘protecc tiny bean’

Some are talking about you, others the cat

‘protecc tiny beans’

Is now what they decided to chant

They love you bby dw

Even the harsher ones, they love you

They just don’t show it

For the ones who really want you dead and shit

They’ll warm up

At least I hope so

But they don’t get the chance to say more mean shit like wanting you dead

Because those voices are getting attacked by your fans

Yes, your fans

They’ve nominated themselves as your fans

Yes, they do fight for who’s the number one fan

Final Thoughts;

If Philza likes you then they do (for the most part-)

Protecc tiny beans?

Protecc tiny beans.

Feel free to submit suggestions for this series! Could just be headcanons, reactions to ___, or anything!

Taglist;

@killermich-blog | @cl0udy-grey | @roxy3457 @itsberrydreemurstuff | @shuriosansshitposts @frowningsmiles | @muchrooomm | @novelist2 | @xx-smiley-xx

Lmk if you want to be added!

[goosedawn]

//Oh gods, welp, here I go [cracks knuckles]

//Tiny farmer Techno Au,,,, prepare for some future lore cjkhcxk

Timestamps from: "I Became the Mayor of Skyblock" by Technoblade

--

(5:39) "I decided to call in an old rival..." - Technoblade

Techno continues on with his life for days on, but finally, he somehow finds his way to society again, seeing that the entire town has been taken over by a tyrant of a mayor. The townspeople called for aid, and from the depths of his cold heart, he decided to help (....what do you mean he only did it so people would buy his potatoes-).

For a bit, he did his work by himself, only getting help from some other living scarecrows (listen, I really like the idea of some scarecrows coming alive [cough] PHIL [cough]), TimeDeo and Jyn (...? Is that how you spell their name?). (Dunno what the process for taking over the mayor would be exactly but,,, chchskdlcx,,,)

But you can only do so much work with... living scarecrows. With a bit of reluctance, he calls for help from SquidKid. And then together they defeat Dante :]

(Also, it's funny to think that the town has a mayor that they've never seen. All they know is that the previous mayor is gone, and the new one is pretty chill. /Lh)

--

(6:31) "Is there any way to do the teleport room without just like.. guessing?" - SquidKid

(6:36) "You are like... little baby, watch this." - Technoblade

-

Being tiny has its perks.

"Wait, what do you mean you can solve this maze in an hour or less?"

Techno turned towards the bigger hybrid, crossing his arms as he nonchalantly stared up at them. SquidKid only gives him a baffled look back, their tentacle-like hair slightly sprung up to further show their confusion.

He knows this only because he's known the man for far longer than they've known him.

He knows more personal information than should be shared, somehow finding the other farmer's parent's numbers along with a few other things. He had jokingly pocketed away the parent's number in the back of his mind, although, he had no real plans of ever using it. Well, maybe he had played with the idea of calling SquidKid's parents to dunk on the fact that a wild borrower had been winning their competition, but he ultimately decided not to for obvious reasons.

He knows the hybrid's schedule like the back of his hand, having to work around it for the better part of an entire year. Using that knowledge, he had sabotaged countless of SquidKid's tools, poking small, unnoticeable holes into their hoses and irrigation systems.

And he knows SquidKid's behavior from how they speak to how they express any sort of emotion. Lies were easily debunked from the small twitch of the corner of their mouth as they suppressed a smile, and anger was easily shown from how their strange hair pieces would spike up.

Yet, he can't help but feel slightly at unease in front of them. He supposes it's only natural, seeing that there's a huge height difference between them. Plus, this was practically the first time they've been closer than two fields of length in between them. Well, disregarding the times he's gone snooping around the bigger farmer's place, but that's neither here nor there.

"Squid, look at me," he raises his hand, gesturing towards himself, "I'm tiny, yes?" the squid hybrid nodded slowly, and he pointed at the stalks of tall fern and crop, "to you, this would basically be a wall you can't get through. For me, though...."

He jumped off his perch, tightly holding his trusty bag and sliding towards the flora before easily disappearing behind the thicket and appearing moments later at eye level, holding the stalk of the crops easily,

"It's easy to go through."

SquidKid makes a quiet 'oh' sound with another nod of their head, looking slightly in awe. The amazed look turns to one of confusion again, though, and he awaited their next question with a raised eyebrow, "but... the maze is big, how are you going to get through it all without tiring?"

Techno grinned, lifting a hand to his mouth and loudly whistling. He doesn't hesitate to slide back to the floor as a blur of white fur bounds towards him.

"Carl!" he exclaims, wrapping his hands around the rabbit's fluffy neck and combing through the fur with his fingers. He backs away to pull out a broken-off piece of a carrot, feeding it to the eager bunny before turning towards the astonished squid hybrid with a grin, "my noble steed," he waves a hand towards the still feeding rabbit.

"You tamed a rabbit," they dumbly point out, having to metaphorically pick up their jaw off of the floor.

"Yup, I did. you can stop gawking now," he huffed, "you're going to catch a bug with your mouth if you keep your mouth wide open."

"...And you named it Carl?"

"What kind of question is that?" he snorts, shaking his head, "yes, I named him Carl, and yes he's going to be the one helping me through the maze. Any other silly questions?"

The man stumbles over their words for a second, and he amusedly watches from below, "I- yeah, yeah, you bozo," they finally settle on saying.

"Alright, cool, I'm going to go find the exit now," he turns away from the hybrid, climbing on the back of the rabbit's back, "see you there."

He doesn't give SquidKid the chance to respond, already setting off through the thicket. And he sure doesn't suppress the grin that crawls up his face as Carl bounds past stalks and stalks of crops.

Having distracted SquidKid enough to get away, the bigger farmer had barely thought to ask how they themselves would traverse the maze.

They must have realized soon enough, though, since not seconds later, he hears a strangled yell of his name along with a loud groan.

--

Pain, it's been too long since I've written something /Lh

--

"(Also, it's funny to think that the town has a mayor that they've never seen. All they know is that the previous mayor is gone, and the new one is pretty chill. /Lh)"

When the townspeople come to greet the new mayor, they come thinking that it's SquidKid who's done everything since it's always been SquidKid going into town and doing the talking- the scarecrows being unable to do so for obvious reasons, and Techno unable to do so without revealing his entire existence.

So when the sheepish farmer calmly explains that he's just a helper of the mayor, they're... rightfully confused. At first, they want to know the real identity of the mayor, but SquidKid wearily tries explaining that said mayor really doesn't want to be revealed. They only conceded when he shakily points to the unknown farmer's territory, most of them getting the message.

Techno is very thankful that SquidKid doesn't take his title and also doesn't reveal his existence.

-

"It would have been so easy for the squid hybrid to just pluck his tiny form from their back pocket and shove the wrathful spotlight onto him.

He wasn't even able to even escape now as he found himself stuck in the hybrid's pocket. The crowd had come quickly after SquidKid had removed the other mayor for him, and he remembered feeling panicked as he stared at the other hybrid. The next thing he knew, he was shoved into their pocket.

He couldn't get out without tumbling to the ground with a splat, and, even worse, the possibility of one of the townspeople pointing him out with gossip-drinking eyes was incredibly high too.

He shakily gulped, greedily taking the air around him as he tried to stay calm. He never liked being near anyone- not even the scarecrows - so the second-hand contact with his past rival was not the finest experience.

"I- uhm," the squid hybrid stumbled over their words, "t-the mayor really would rather not... have the entire town to greet them.."

The crowd hushedly mumbled to each other, and one straggler called out, "well, tell them to come out anyway!"

By the Blood God, he hated this. He shrunk to the bottom of the pocket. This was one of the worst worries for a borrower; he had already been pushing his limit with the scarecrows and SquidKid, but this was another level for him.

"...Uh, well, in that case," he felt SquidKid shift, and a hand brushed over his pocket. He tenses, waiting for the fingers to tug him out and waiting for SquidKid to finally prove that they're not as kind as they look, for them to finally get some semblance of petty revenge.

"You can find them over there." He pauses, confused to as why there's no hand reaching down for him. The words finally dawn on him, and he's both relieved and perplexed to what SquidKid could have meant by that.

But hatever they've done has made the crowd fall unnaturally silent, and so he's at least a little relieved for that too.

The same voice that was brave enough to speak before pipes up, "you mean the ghost farmer?"

....He didn't know that the townspeople had come up with a name for him, but he's suddenly thankful that he's gained enough popularity that people stop and gawk.

"Y...Yes," SquidKid slowly acknowledges the villager, "they were the one orchestrating all of this. I was just helping with the... talking parts," the hybrid is silent for a moment before they burst into a stammering mess,

"And- uh, I-I should take my leave now, b-because I should really h-head back and ch-check up on them," he feels the bigger farmer start to take a few steps back, supposedly away from the crowd, "I'll answer any questions later!"

He has to push against the fabric to keep himself from bouncing around in the pocket as SquidKid starts running. He faintly hears the townspeople shout for the male, but it's muffled through the fabric.

As it starts to seem as if the squid hybrid would never stop running, they finally start to slow down, their breaths coming out labored and airy.

He doesn't speak up for a moment, letting the other regain themselves first. When they finally seem well enough, he speaks up,

"That's the best you can come up with?"

--

chKFCHKDSJFSDF oh my Primes, this is so LONG,,,, I have no idea how to write SquidKid,,,, plus, I had no idea how to like,,, oOGHgds,f,, pain.

Anyways, hope you had fun reading ALL of this cchjxcvxkdsf,,,

AAUBHJDUHFJHBFNDKUFHN WENDYYY /POS

i dont have anything to add this is just fantastic,,,,, DEO AND JIYN AS SCARECROWS AS WELL,,, FBJHDKUHSJHHDV,,,,,, i love that techno gets to have Carl still 🥺🥺🥺 and him leaving squidkid on the other side of the maze??? FHJBDJNJKBF

ALSO 🥺 squid protecting techno and not telling people abt him,,,,, aaajfhkdojfh good,, i also appreciate that everyone in the village just has to be like. "the ghost farmer is mayor????... well this isnt the weirdest thing thats happened to me"

SQUIDKID RUNNING AWAY,,,, "ill answer any questions later" djhshhjhjhbhbfhdjhbe

*holds this gently* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i adore

[ourblued]

astrid takes a look over at journey, thinking that this was the most trivial thing that they've ever tried to explain -- or not, considering how they were pretty much beating around the bush, attempting to find ways to ease it into the conversation, sort of. so much for trying to move on from it, right? or . . so much for not trying to start something that they know they were going to regret, pretty much. " you think -- ?? " astrid's chuckling, well, sort of. they're embarrassed by all of this because they don't know what to say, without freaking out externally, without thinking of so many things, like throwing a pillow at the wall or something that was less harming to them, in fact. was all of this for nothing? " to be honest, journey, i didn't expect him to come over when he did. i really thought, it was like, he was coming to pick up the rest of the things he left & . . well, he didn't, " there's this trembling laugh that slips out of their lips, nearly doubting themselves into telling him the story. " we kissed. or, no -- god, we had something to drink. & then he kissed me. " they're gathering to get their story straight, because they don't want any holes in the story, especially if they're telling journey, of all people.

" i'd want you to hate if i did something stupid, " they're retorting, almost thinking about giving up, about not wanting to keep saying more & more because astrid thinks that it'll be a waste of time & that they're going to lose him. not something that they want, at all. he's way too important for them to lose & astrid wouldn't know what more to do -- if that happened. " i'd want you to call me out if something's not right, journey. " at least, that's how they'd want him to be, if anything were wrong, then they would want to fix things, no matter what.

they're appreciating the way he's trying to comfort them, or at least, make them feel better -- whatever it was, astrid was easing more & more into this, into telling him the truth, whatever else it may be. " maybe we should, " they're nodding their head, humming softly. how did it become easier with him right there? or . . just --, was his presence being the one to ideally comfort them? " i want to be as transparent as i can with you, but i feel like i can't without thinking that something's going to get fucked up, " they're speaking, hoping that he's understanding of it all, in fact. astrid's silent, keeping in their thoughts, for the moment. " i appreciate wanting to protect me, journey. i think, that's the nice thing someone can do whenever someone makes a mistake, " they're shrugging, still, feeling in the doubt.

" i don't think it should be all that difficult if . . you know, i'm not with that person, you know? " was that something to say out loud? nonetheless, astrid was happy with this in their life, the contentment, the way journey brings in a newer light in their life, another thing they needed that wasn't fueled with negativity. " of course i respect what we have. i don't want anything to mess it up, you know? that's the thing i'm scared of. " or not being good enough, astrid wants to mention, however, doesn't.

As they say they didn't know, to his comment, he looks away, considering this for a moment. But mentally designates it as something to potentially come back to. But he gives a nod toward Astrid however "Okay." He continued to listen to them. Though their question earned a slight grin from him "I think you might be." Of course, he wished he could know more about the situation, to give a more appropriate response "Maybe I just need a little more about the situation you and this thing you're not saying." Journey suggested, lightly.

When conversation went on, he nodded. Of course he had expected that answer from them. He shrugged slightly "I think you are imagining what I might consider is worth hating someone, for. Hate can be pretty exhausting, actually." Did he get mad, sure, he could be mad. Everyone's welcome to get mad. Of course, it was often received wrong by the general public, because anger was often aggressive. Which could often mean confrontation. Confrontation was difficult to interpret as a helpful instrument, and seen more as a destructive one. He exhaled, trying to keep this in mind.

Raising his eyebrows as they mention that their life, complicated as it is, didn't involve him "Ah. Heh." He smirked a little bit, not sure if he was going to think that was a true statement for long. His life could also be pretty complicated "Maybe we have our life's complexities meet, right?" Though he continued to listen to Astrid, nodding acknowledged toward their words. Though with their question he brings his hands to nit them together in his lap "I simply wouldn't. I would imagine. --What's the point in it. It's your relationships. Would I want to protect you from one that is adverse to you. Yeah! It's what a good person should do. None of the standing around you see a lot these days, watching the spectral."

He sighed though "But, that's often a difficult road to travel, too." Looking at Astrid, he grinned "But your ex is not going to bother me. This is someone you knew, before me. As long as you respect what we have. Then you shouldn't need to worry." He assures.

[curiouscarllee]

Hello, I'm making a list of my OCs with a bit of art and information! I am doing this because I feel as though I post a lot about my characters without ever providing any detail, so, here you go :) On top of this, I'd like to state that I am always intrested in hearing about your ocs as well, you are more than welcome to send me an ask about them or about my own characters :)

Fairlynn: My Main

Fairlynn is a bosmer, he is the Hero of Kvatch and also Sheogorath. He is a tad unpredictable and has some mental issues in regards to mirroring the mad god and myself. Fairlynn was 28 when he started with saving the world, only 29 when it ended and full of grief with Martin's passing. This drove him to the Shivering Isles in hopes that he could persuade a daedric prince to revive his beloved. That's not at all how it went down, upon noticing this realm was not one of a stronger prince, Fairlynn was tempted to leave the plane but found himself infatuated with it instead.

After a few years, the princes sensed a danger approaching, one in the form of an imperial male that had the possibility of defeating them. Therefore, they agreed to send one of themselves down to nirn in an attempt to stop it. Unfortunately, they chose Fairlynn to get the job done and yeeted him down where the bosmer began to gather enforcments in the form of other people which he thought would become allies when they grew older.. But what he didn't expect was the imperial managed to befriend every. Single. One. Of the people Fairlynn had set on course to hate the man, none of them truly did. That's the exact moment where he went, "if you can't beat em' join em'." And promptly joined the group in his mortal form without revealing to them who he was. Instead the group thinks he's just a skooma addict that is talented in the ways of fighting. They have no idea.

Ragnar

This is that imperial male stated in the last description. This man is destined to destroy the influence of the daedric princes on the mortal people, however, he has the intelligence of a box of rocks and everyone doubts this prophecy to be true. The only time one can possibly think this true is when he displays his power in the midst of battle, he was blessed by the divines at birth, each giving him power to defeat the evil of the world. He his bound to use it.. But he never uses it for good, I mean,, why would he? He could kill anyone he wants! No way he's gonna be the "good hero"! (Basically, this was my brother's character and he used mods to make him op so I had to improvise.)

Past wise, my brother and I decided to intertwine him with the lore. You rememeber the song Ragnar the Red? That was Ragnar's father. In truth, his name should be Ragnar the second or Ragnar Jr. but his mother, Matilda, said "hahahaha, no, your father was a mess and you shall not be him." and removed the second part. After his mother died of a sickness, Ragnar hesitantly moved towns in search of work. He missed his mother greatly and would give anything to have her back.

S'arra

Meet S'arra, she is a khajiit female and the heart of the group (along side another who you'll meet shortly). S'arra is the youngest, she may be sweet but she'll rob you blind if she sees a chance. S'arra came from a happy family in Elsywer, she was the child of F'awn and Ja'zaka, two khajiit with completely different sets of morals. Ja'zaka was a born bandit, he was wild and carefree, F'awn (My friends oc :)) was a gentle and caring woman, she loved to live. When F'awn got pregnant, her brother, J'ar, lost his mind. J'ar was fueled with anger towards Ja'zaka and at one point made an attempt at his brother-in-law's life. It was at that moment J'ar was kicked from F'awn's life, he ran from his home and joined a vampire clan/bandit group in Skyrim.

Only months after her birth, Ja'zaka disappeared. He ran and never came back. F'awn tried her best to raise S'arra, but one morning S'arra was taken from her by a rabid animal that invaded the town. The creature took off with S'arra and lead the small khajiit to it's den where a caravan traveling to Skyrim would soon find her and take her with them, raising her as their own on the roads of Skyrim. The caravan was killed and attacked by a certain bandit group/vampire clan (hahaha, yup, the one J'ar is in). S'arra joined the group in hopes of revenge, although, she'll keep that bit to herself. ;)

Adoren

Now this orc, oh he's amazing. He is an old man, a precious old man with a past of pain and betrayal. In order to introduce his past, we need to introduce his adpoted brother first:

Zanik

This is Adoren's adopted brother, Zanik (grandson of Nellie), a not so nice older man. Zanik was thrown out by his father a young age, more precisely, he was thrown in a river by his father in one of his father's crazed fits. Zanik can't swim, he hates water more than anything else in his life. The dunmer was washed to shore near an orc stronghold where he was picked up by Adoren and adopted by the orcs family. Zanik and Adoren lived happily for many many years, one day they went on an exploration to scout for different hunting grounds. It started to pour causing the two to take shelter in a dwemer ruin. That's when they heard soft groaning and sounds of pain coming from down one of the halls. Hesitantly, they explored. Only to find:

Kidawe

My most lore breaking character! Meet Kidawe, a small snow elf from one of the last remaining villiages of falmer! Now, yes, I am breaking the lore because, since when has canon lore stopped me? Kidawe lived on top of the mountains to the north of Cyrodiil and the South of Skyrim. His village is small and portable, in case they need to move, the tribe of elves is shrouded in mystery, they've managed to live this long and refuse to leave their mountain. Kidawe doesn't listen to that, he runs off each night in search for dwemer ruins, things he find more then interesting. The young elf holds no fear when he's in his element, and he loves to explore. One evening, while in a ruin he is attacked by a vampire/bandit named Raeferth (the leader) who pushes him to join the group, trying to convince the snow elf that his expertise is needed. Kidawe refuses and then engages in battle with the nord, he looses and ends up pinned under a fallen pillar that crushes his arm.

Upon waking up after falling unconscious from the pain, Kidawe is met with the sight of Adoren and Zanik standing over him. After many many months of trust building, the two get Kidawe to befriend them. Kidawe uses their help to fashion himself a new arm from dwarven parts found in the ruin. After a few years, Kidawe disappears. He was taken by force by Raeferth (the others do not know this). Adoren and Zanik are heart broken. They miss their friend greatly.

Adoren/Zanik Pt.2

After losing Kidawe, these two go off and join a bandit group.. Yes the same vampire clan group. Adoren thrives in the group, he his strong and more then willing to get his hands dirty. Zanik.. Not so much. Zanik is only kept around because of Adoren. They all know not to mess with Zanik or else they mess with Adoren.

After spending a few years with them, Adoren decides he can't continue this. Zanik begs him not to leave, trying to make the orc realize that this group will not let them go without hurting them. Adoren doesn't listen and leaves the bandits, later that day the stronghold is burnt to the ground. Adoren looses everything in the fire, his parents pass away, his friends and family. Instead of processing lose normally, he makes it up in his head that the reason Zanik was warning him was because Zanik had a hand in it. Therefore the two fight and Adoren punches Zanik, he's wearing a ring that catches under Zanik's flesh and pratically tears off his cheek leaving the dunmer with a horrible scar. Adoren warns Zanik never to speak with him again.

Which of course doesn't stand because after they grew up into old men, they cross eachother's paths once more. They both join up with the good guy group at different times, Adoren joins first after he finds them in his house, and Zanik joins when he is once again found washed up on the shore.

Zorlin

Not much on this boio, he was my first oc in the Elder Scrolls. He's an argonian heavy set warrior. Zorlin is silent and cut throat, he is a part of the Brotherhood and only joins the good guy group after his brother, Tu'ru is 'murdered' by Raeferth.

Tristane

There is so much on him. I'm just going to do bullet points:

Born in Skyrim 200+ years ago. He never knew his true parents and was instead brought up by a wealthy noble family. They more kept him around for labor.

He befriends 3 local kids, Mayrn (breton like him), Raeferth (nord trouble maker), and Lynik (Raeferth's brother).

They all cause problems and Tristane falls in love with Raeferth :D

One day Raeferth claims to have found immortality, Tristane instantly says "No, I'm not doing this." And leaves the friend group, trying to focus on himself.

He is then framed for a crime he didn't commit and sent to Cyrodiil's Imperial Prison. Then he is bailed out by the Emperor and sent to Morrowind.

Morrowind happens, Tristane changes from whining child to even whiner child with the ability to cast spells.

After Morrowind, Tristane travels to Solstiem where he is confronted with Mayrn and Lynik (both as bandit vampires).

Mayrn and Lynik try to force him back to Skyrim to see Raeferth and join them. Tristane, as he said before, says "no". So they kill him.

Now they don't really kill him, they use a method I made up called Soul Gem Reflection. This is something I completely made up but I like it so sue me. I can write an entire post on this alone so we're just gonne say, "Soul gem reflection is a method in which the targets soul is directed towards an object they held dear in life instead of dying. They're life essence is held in the soul gem, but they live in the object."

In this case, Tristane was reflected in his journal.

Lynik felt horrible for doing this to his friend, he felt guilty and returned the journal which he unknowingly relfected the breton in, and gave it to Tristane's family who in turn stuffed the journal in the basement.

Fast forward 200+ years and Adoren buys the manor, finding Tristane's journal inside and opening it. Surprise! Out springs a ghostly figure of Tristane who then convinced Adoren to take him along with the group!

Other Characters:

This is J'ar. He's mentioned above.

Also, here's some more character that aren't affiliated with the group:

-Baendil and Baendal are bosmer brothers, they were abandoned by their parents and instead found by cranky altmer father Kornan. They're bandits (not related to vampires at all). They're bad, not morally wrong but actually just bad at being bandits. They couldn't rob you even if you asked them to.

-I will add more later I'm sure.

[mego42]

I 100% agree about wanting more fanfic lists! I honestly think it's the best way to get a variety. Everybody has personal preferences, if someone, who mostly reads long, fluffy au Brio fic, is making recs, they're not likely to mention short, angsty, canon Brio (which is understandable and fair!) so ideally someone else, who does like those, would also do recs. I'm pretty sure I've read or at least tried the vast majority of Brio fics, but the recs often make me re-read the fic and author.

YAAASSSS!!! I mean like, okay, I v much get why people have issues with rec lists, and I def do not by any stretch endorse the idea that recs/rec lists should be considered anything other than one person sharing a think they liked, but to me a lot of the issues (the same fics/authors getting recced, feeling like awesome fics/authors are going unrecognized) can be solved by more reccing, not less. everyone’s got different taste and different stuff they look/read for and I am extremely pro sharing that.

Idk, I think about it like this: in a previous internet life I was a YA book blogger and I lived and died by recs from other bloggers whose taste and preferences I knew. I mean, you know, I’d check out a book bc the premise sounded interesting but literally the first thing I would do was go to Goodreads and look for a handful of people who tended to like the same books I did and see what they were saying about it bc that was the best way to get a good idea of if I wanted to give it a shot. Or, on the flip side, there were some people whose reviews I followed bc I knew we v much did not read for the same things so if they hated a book for X, Y and Z reasons, I was probs going to like it (one thing about book blogging is if you want to keep current, you do not have a lot of time to mess around, snap judgements are key but that’s a whole other thing and idk if it’s even relevant anymore bc that landscape has changed so much). 

ANYWAY, the point is, I got in the habit and now I do the same thing with fic bc, tbh, I don’t have a ton of time to read, esp not when I’m actively writing which, with the exception of the last week or two, I’ve been doing p non-stop since I got here. All of which to say is, I am desperately in favor of fic recs for purely selfish reasons, I need them! Give them to me!!! Please!!!!!

That said, I uh, am v bad at returning the favor and I recognize that (I think I’ve made what? two rec lists for this fandom?) so I will try to do better to live by my own, idek what this is, moving on and here are 10 recs not really thematically linked by anything other than I’ve read them and loved them and don’t think I’ve put any of them on one of my rec lists yet (and if I have, my blog is a trainwreck I cannot be expected to remember what’s on it LET ME LIVE):

The Goodest Boy by EnsignDisaster

There’s a key turning in the lock and Buddy rushes over to greet his Master excited for her to meet his new friends. The door opens and he dances around Master’s feet rejoicing on the fact that she’s made it home. It's been literally forever.

“Hey Buddy what’s wrong? Need to go potty? Need to pee-pee?”

“Nah he’s good we took him out.”

Master does something very unMasterlike, she drops all the food she’d brought in on the ground and screams. It’s a non traditional avant garde type of hello…Buddy loves it. Mostly because while Master taps furiously on her small light box and sits tense in the corner opposite his new friend Buddy can lick up the egg smashed on the hardwood floor.

Buddy! The! Dog! POV! no further explanation necessary. Technically WIP, but it covers the whole pilot in a way that could be read as standalone (THOUGH THAT WOULD V MUCH GIVE ME A SAD though, when did the show forget the Bolands had a dog? so maybe that’s a tragic casualty of canon, idk)

May The Moon’s Silvery Beams by @pynkhues

Emma hums in agreement, and Rio turns her around to sit her on the counter, grabbing one of the older looking boxes of muesli while she kicks her legs out, heels bumping back against the counter, watching him. He gropes around the inside of the box, finally just opting to pull the plastic cereal bag out and peering inside. He can’t quite keep the grin off his face when he sees the wad of cash lining the bottom. This woman kills him, she really does.

Then there’s a little face peering up beside him, trying to peek into the box.

“What is it?” she asks, and he tilts the box sideways so she can see inside.

The upside to not getting here until s3 is that old fic is new to me! Huzzah!! Idk how many of y’all have already read this on but if you haven’t I highkey recommend. Extremely cute take on what if Emma woke up when Rio and came by to collect his/Beth’s/whoever's money during the shutdown. Cannot believe I’m reccing kidfic. Witchcraft!!!!!!

Maybe You’re My Fantasy by ohmisterjapan

He fucking loves the involuntary. It speaks to how he likes to unlock chaos and walk away. He's been called a control freak before and it felt like such a misunderstanding of him - he's all about self control but he doesn't want to control others. It's more that he enjoys revealing to them how little they can control themselves. It's more that he likes to stand still in the eye of someone else's storm and pick coldly through the wreckage.

Another oldie but a goodie. This fic is more like an extended character study (first chapter Rio POV, second chapter Beth) and I LIVE FOR THIS KIND OF SHIT. I really really really love the take on both characters, it really digs in and pulls out some nuances that made me sit and think about my own read of them and I love it.

A Shock Of Blue by mintletters16

“You don’t look very well. Would you… like me to get you a glass of water or something?”

Her voice is low but smooth, laced with a softness that cuts straight though to his core. Strawberry blonde locks fall gently just above the pair of magnets freezing him in place.

He can still feel the chaos tearing through his veins - emanating from the gold plated gun stuffed in his waistband - and suddenly he can’t be here anymore. Can’t meet this wide-eyed gaze that’s been locked on his for the past God-knows-how-long anymore.

Can’t see blue alive and concerned when he just left it cold and void somewhere in oblivion.

She’s looking at him like he’s on the brink of madness. He thinks maybe he is.

Apparently, it’s backlist rec day over here and I’m not sorry. This one is another technical WIP but the chapter works as a standalone (BUT if the author decided to return to it I WOULD NOT BE MAD). It’s a what if Beth and Rio met pre-canon and it works so!!! well!!!! The tension and fascination and build are all *chef’s kiss* plus the writing is gorgeous and lyrical and ugh, I love it.

for a moment we were strangers by openhearts

“We got stuff,” Rio motions with a nod to the backpack Beth hadn’t noticed when they arrived hanging on the back of one of the chairs at the island.

She swallows and turns back to the dishes, realizing Rio apparently means to sleep there , assuming the place isn’t bugged.  Or for some kind of cover story if it is.  She turns and fixes Rio with a narrow-eyed stare, studying his face, the corner of his jaw especially prominent from the angle she’s looking up at him.  He’s methodical about drying each dish and setting it back on the rack, maddeningly ignoring her hard stare, so when he goes to take the next plate from her hands she grips it tightly and gets his attention.

“Hey.”

“What you on about now?” he asks, irritated.

It gets her gut uneasy, how he’s just . . . there, settling in, in ways he never had before, no matter how nonchalantly he would let himself in through her locked doors.  

“This is,” Beth tries, failing, to find words for it, “. . . it’s weird .”

This one takes place post 204 and Rio and Marcus end up spending a long weekend staying with Beth and Emma for reasons (that work, for the record, I’m just not trying to summarize rn) and it’s domestic and cute but honestly my fav part of it is how weirded out Beth is by how easily they slip into sync. The story does an excellent job balancing where they are in canon (uneasy post-sex truce) with a snapshot of what they could be if they got over themselves (HA! as if) and Beth is DEEPLY FREAKED which makes her slow slide into realizing she could maybe sort of kind of oh shit like it/him??? that much more satisfying.

Not So Careful by @bensonstablers

When he doesn’t answer, her eyes go to his but he’s too busy watching the letter opener which is still pressed against the back of his hand. Curiously, Beth runs it up his arm, careful not to press too hard, and smiles a little as he shivers. Pulling her leg up onto the bed, she shuffles closer to him before pressing the tip of the sword to his chest and slowly circling his left nipple with it, being sure not to get too close.

“You ain’t gotta be that careful.”

And when she lifts her eyes to meet his, he’s got that look. The one that always makes a lump form in her throat and for her to fall back into bed with him without a single thought of what they have to do that day. Only thing is, this time they’ve got nothing to do for the rest of the weekend and well, staying in bed the entire time had seemed like an appealing idea so she allows herself to give in a little to that look.

It makes me EXTREMELY SAD that knifeplay ranked so low on the kink survey so I’m gonna need y’all to check out this V V V EXCELLENT example of it and come back and tell me you’re sorry and you voted wrong. I am v reasonable what are you talking about.

love (where it wasn’t supposed to be) by @lilliloves

"You know what I can't stand?" Rio asks, stepping closer. It's a rhetorical question but he pauses for a second and watches Dean sniff, watches a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead, watches him shift on both his feet as he contemplates making a run for it.

"A guy who don’t realize how good he's got it." Rio continues, looking Dean up and down in disgust. "A guy that will literally fuck up a good thing just to get his dick wet."

"Yeah, well I can't stand a guy who can have anyone he wants but chooses the married woman he's not entitled to.” Dean shoots back. "And I really can't stand the fact that you're always in the room with us even when you aren't there."

And who brings him into the room Dean hmmmmm????? Jk, jk (or am I). In this one Rio catches Dean out on the town with another woman (bc of course he is) and tries to call him out but whoops! gets called out himself. I really love the like, idk, undercurrent of wistful regret in this fic. I love Dean straight up calling Rio out on his feelings (spoilers but there’s an exchange right after this one that made me straight up holler), and, you know, obvs I am here for Rio making Dean feel like an ass. 

Hell Is Other People by makemanybraver

Rio: We're in Hell, Elizabeth! If you don't think you belong here, then repent! Don't fuck everyone in the room in hopes that you get to go out!

Beth: Why do I have to repent?!

Rio: Because you did some fucked up shit in your life, Elizabeth! You keep doing fucked up shit here, too! And you think you don't belong here!

Beth [screaming at the top of her lungs]: Because I don't!

This fic is existentially bonkers and I love it. It’s the kind of experimental format/homage/what have you kind of thing that I L O V E. Based on No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre, Beth, Rio, and Fitzpatrick are stuck together in a room in hell for all eternity. What more do you need, honestly.

Working On Things by odenkirk

Unknown Hold up, Elizabeth. I'm really thinkin about you here.

Beth turned her face into the pillow, effectively suffocating herself for a moment, but thinking it was a good trade off for the way the cool silk of her pillowcase chilled her skin.

She lifted her head to glance at the still sleeping Dean before replying.

Beth I'm thinking about you too. But this can't happen.

She wanted him to know she wanted him, but she also thought that admitting she was already there would save Rio from trying to convince her. She wanted him, but morals had to win just once in a while.

YES this is technically Beth/Dean while also being Beth/Rio BUT it’s also sort of Rio/Dean and I am HERE FOR THE DIVERSITY OF SHIPPING leave me alone who asked you.

Five Times He Knew What She Was Thinking, and One Time He Didn't by JoeyLee

Aight, so tell ‘em I was hittin’ it. Said deliberately blunt, eyes locked on her face the whole time, just to see those blue eyes widen. She looked so shocked that he almost laughed, so he softened it teasingly just to keep her going. Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart, tell ‘em we were makin’ love.

Then he just watched her, just watched her face, just fucking fascinated. Her lips were parted and her eyes were big as saucers, and…there it was. Before she could look away flustered, he watched the thought go through her mind. Him and her together.

He wondered what she was picturing or where. Them in the back seat, her bed, a motel?  Her on top or him from behind or his face between her legs?

Whatever it was, the blush started immediately, and he watched it bloom out from her cheeks to her hair. Then she was tearing her eyes away to gulp a little.  But it didn’t knock her down for long before she was looking back. And then, wait, was she actually asking him how to go about telling a fed they were fucking?

Okay this is another technical WIP but works as a standalone. I am absolutely fucking feral for character POV takes of canon scenes and this is a supremely excellent take on Rio POV of some notable scenes from the pilot through 204. Imo it brilliantly captures Rio’s voice and I love it a lot. 

HEADS UP I am absolute shite at tracking ao3 to tumblr unless people have specifically told me someone’s ao3/tumblr name SO if you recognize any of the non-tumblr authors on please lmk so I can tag them and YES I recognize that I am asking y’all to do things for me throughout this entire post and I’M SORRY OKAY I’M A WHOLE ASS MESS LOVE YOU BYE

[m1serere-n0bis]

Anyways. I don't care what the rest of you all have been doing during this but I have been trying to listen better and pray more.

For those of you who don't think that's "enough"... Sorry but I don't owe public opinion shit. The only person I owe an explanation to is God. I don't owe anyone information on what I'm doing in private. I don't owe anyone information on what I am/am not supporting financially or otherwise. If your personal opinion is that I'm not making adequate use of my voice or platform then that's rough buddy, but my voice is not the one that needs to be heard right now and also what platform? As a society hyperfocused on social media ESPECIALLY NOW DURING THIS PANDEMIC we have to come to terms that we all have lives outside of it and we don't "owe" each other ANY information about that in spite of what our culture tells us. Like if this is what "community-based policing" means, I can already tell you I hate it and it's oppressive.

For those of you who think this is a political power play, I would say those concerns are valid but there IS a REAL problem that will still be there when all the political pandering and posturing is done. And we need to fix it. Part of the reason I haven't been hyping what everyone has been telling me to hype in the name of activism is pretty much this:

Do I think it honestly matters which political party is in charge for changes to happen? No, because I do not trust the SAME GOVERNMENT BACKING THE POLICE to take the money THAT IS STILL TECHNICALLY IN THEIR POSSESSION and funnel it into the communities that need it in any way that will actually address the racism inherent in the system. HOWEVER, that doesn't stop me from listening to what my brothers and sisters in Christ are telling me are their experiences not just in a society that is supposed to have progressed past racism but in the BODY OF CHRIST itself. Because it's there, everyone. Yes, it's not overt. Yes, not everyone is actively engaging in it but if we are truly One Body then we owe it to each other to make reparations for sins that aren't ours. It's what we've been doing for the child abuse scandals, is it not? The majority of us were not involved but do we not still carry the burden of that sin simply because we're Catholic, because one part of the One Body committed this massive hurt?

So anyway. The goal of this post is not to make anyone feel bad and it is not an invitation for people to pile on me because I haven't vocally supported x, y, z. This is an invitation to listen and to pray... which should always be the first step, EVEN WHEN THERE IS AN IMMEDIATE NEED FOR ACTION. (Maybe ESPECIALLY when there's an immediate need for action.) And holy shit are we not good at that or what? 😂

1) Fr. Mike Schmitz' homily this week was an invitation for us to listen to God and let Him tell us who He is because only by doing that can we see the image and likeness of God in each other. We've lost that in our wishy-washy prayer lives that inevitably end up with us trying to force God into an earthly construction in which He doesn't belong. We try to tell God who He is because the world is too noisy for us to hear Him tell us about Himself. And that inevitably trickles down into us trying to force each other into boxes before recognizing the human dignity instilled by God in all of us. The internet feeds into that by making us faceless virtual entities, thus making it that much more difficult to recognize our humanity. I can read faceless stats for days but if I don't have ANY CONTEXTUAL IDEA where those numbers are coming from, they're empty. They're easily manipulated into whatever whoever is selling me them wants me to think of them if I don't have someone LIVING THOSE STATISTICS giving me context. Right now the media wants us to feed on the controversy surrounding BLM movement without telling us that these communities have been MARCHING IN THEIR COMMUNITIES FOR YEARS AGAINST THE VIOLENCE THEY INFLICT ON THEMSELVES and it is the same media blackout as any March for Life. The media doesn't care unless they have drama they can use to stoke more division and that's the tea.

2) Fr. Josh Johnson is on fire right now, everyone. Like him and Chika Anyanwu are two voices I wasn't listening to before that I'm thankful to be hearing now. If you're wondering how God can be good even in the midst of chaos, turmoil, and pain, this is it. If you're struggling to separate the Black Lives Matter Organization from the heart of the issue, this is how God is doing that. The Church needs to hear these voices. They have real experiences to share. They are part of the Body of Christ, and they are really hurting through these thousands of small cuts.

I would recommend listening to the Jeff Cavins Show episode Distance Amplifies Difference where he has a conversation with Fr. Josh. They both have tremendously unique WORDLY perspectives to bring to the table on the issue (Jeff Cavins is a white man but has children who are black and they live in Minnesota and are literally witnessing the heart of this first hand in the trenches, and Fr. Josh is the son of a black former chief of police) but ultimately discuss how we as a Church can work towards fixing it.

Fr. Josh and Fr. Mike's dialogue on Ascension Presents is also really top notch. I still have to finish watching it, though. 😅

I can't believe I wasn't following Chika before because as another single Catholic woman, I feel like I've found a sister in Christ experiencing the same ups and downs of Catholic singlehood (her Instagram Highlight was like HILARIOUS and also a truth 😂). Her family's small business got looted during the rioting but I believe they've since been able to shut down their Go Fund Me since people gave them enough support to get it back up and running. Anyways, I'm glad this amplification of black voices brought me to hers.

3) Fransican Friars of the Renewal Fr. Agostino and Fr. Pierre Toussaint discuss their hopes for the movement from their perspective as people of color and as servants of one of the poorest neighborhoods in NYC, the South Bronx. Their dynamic is great because Fr. Agostino is like a Gryffindor on fire and Fr. PT is like a soft-spoken, phlegmetic Ravenclaw. I understand that energy. 😂 (I'm also a phlegmetic Ravenclaw) One of my takeaways was Fr. Agostino's opinion that we can't just posture and leave it up to the government or orgs with ulterior political motives to make things right because he's seen firsthand how well THAT goes. However, all that means is that we as people of God have to dig in and do the work our own dang selves. They're also hopeful that this discussion of the police force being built on a foundation of racism will eventually lead to the discussion of Planned Parenthood being built on the same. They said that 42% of the pregnancies of the predominantly black and Latino population in the South Bronx end in abortion. 42%!!!!!!!!!!! If that is not a wake-up call that systemic racism is alive and well and we are abjectly failing women of color as a society Idk what is. But also their analogy that society is a MESS of a dilapidated house and we have to pick ONE place to start and stick with it if we really want to fix it up is also the truth.

4) Did y'all know about Our Lady of Kibohe? This is a Vatican-approved Marian apparition that appeared to three teenaged girls in Rwanda a little more than a decade before the genocide (which she warned them about). There is no one in Creation demons and Satan hate more than Our Lady, and there's no better weapon against them than the rosary. There has been a call from our brothers and sisters to rend our hearts and even if you don't see, think, or believe there is still racism within the Church, will you not pray for Mary and St. Michael to help continue keeping it that way, then?

Our Lady of Kibohe encouraged us to take up the practice of praying the Seven Sorrows Rosary. I tried it for the first time last week and I have to say, even with my super basic limited knowledge of black history in the United States, it was not hard to see how their suffering could easily be united to the sufferings of Christ and Our Lady.

I guess my conclusion is this: I have my own misgivings about blindly supporting any ol' cause that happens to be trending on whatever. The Black Lives Matter ORGANIZATION has a manifesto touting things that are contrary to the Catechism for SURE, but when my brothers and sisters in the Church are telling me they are in pain RIGHT NOW and saying, "Hey, listen... They're right about some things... These are the things and we've experienced it IN the Church..." then they deserve to be heard. We owe it to them to listen because they are a part of us. We need to expose these sins to the light instead of denying they exist or claiming to be past it. We ALSO need to be charitable to those in different parts of their journey. Is it FAIR to bear the burden of others' sins and make reparations for them? Heck no! But we do it. Jesus did it for us. We do it for our brothers and sisters in Purgatory. What's the difference for bearing it for our hard-hearted brothers and sisters on earth? Nobody is perfect but we all are made in the image and likeness of God and thus inherently carry human dignity.