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Sinner’s Holiday: An Ode to Pre-Code

Once upon a time, Hollywood movies showed us Spencer Tracy skinny-dipping with Loretta Young, Barbara Stanwyck ducking into the ladies’ room with her boss in exchange for a promotion, and chorus girls warbling hosannas to marijuana.1 This, of course, was pre-Code: shorthand for the era of Hollywood movie-making between the advent of sound in 1929 and the ascendance of Hays Office censorship in 1934. The term is in fact a misnomer. The Production Code was written and officially adopted in 1930, but for the next four years, like Prohibition, it was flouted with near impunity. A look at a representative film of the time provides ample evidence of the Code’s impotence. Take Night Nurse (Wellman, 1931), starring Barbara Stanwyck: a fast, tough, sleazy and thoroughly enjoyable tale of a nurse who uncovers a plot to murder the children in her care for their trust funds.

The Code proclaimed that Undressing scenes should be avoided, and never used save where essential to the plot. Stanwyck and her roommate, played by Joan Blondell, often speak their lines while casually changing their clothes in front of the camera. An intern who walks in on Stanwyck in her scanties assures her, “You can’t show me a thing. I just came from the delivery room.” The Code said, The use of liquor in American life…shall not be shown. The mother of Stanwyck’s charges, who is never seen in any other state than blotto, boasts, “I’m a dipshomaniac—and I like it!” Stanwyck befriends an amiable bootlegger when she treats his bullet-wound and agrees not to report it, contrary to law. In gratitude, he sends her a bottle of rye. “But you’re not allowed to drink,” a square nurse objects. “No,” Blondell cracks, “But it’s swell for cleaning teeth.” Adultery and profanity are both proscribed by the Code. The dipsomaniac is plainly carrying on a tawdry affair with her chauffeur, Nick (Clark Gable), and at one point Stanwyck, disgusted to find her passed out while her children are on the brink of death, rebukes her with, “You mother.” The Code said, Methods of crimes should not be explicitly presented. When sent out to get milk for the sick children, the amiable bootlegger breaks into a grocery store. As for Revenge in modern times shall not be shown, the movie ends with the bootlegger arranging for Nick to be “taken for a ride.” Did I forget to mention that Apparent cruelty to children or animals, the central trope of the plot, is also forbidden by the Code? Or that Gable socks Stanwyck on the jaw, or that Stanwyck gets her job by flashing her ankles at a doctor?

Code? What Code?

The appeal of pre-Code movies lies not in sex, violence or vulgarity (there’s more than enough of those in the infinitely more explicit cinema of the last forty years) but in their attitude, which conveyed the pessimism and irreverence of their time. Radical cultural changes in the wake of World War I, the farce of Prohibition, the 1929 stock-market crash and the Great Depression combined to create a pervasive disillusionment and loss of respect for authority and traditional values. With rapid changes in fashion and technology, violent upheavals in economic and political conditions, society was wide open, hectically elated in the twenties, confused and frightened in the thirties. For a few years the lack of rigorous censorship allowed movies to channel the mood of the country and to capture society warts and all. They depicted adultery, divorce, rape, prostitution and homosexuality; bluntly portrayed alcoholism and drug addiction, glorified gangsters, con artists and fallen women. With a distinctive blend of cynicism and exuberance, they offered escapist entertainment but also bitter and sometimes radical visions of a society on the verge of breakdown. Oscar Levant famously quipped that he he knew Doris Day before she was a virgin; Hollywood too was grown up before it was innocent.

The Con Man as Comic Hero: Blonde Crazy

During the silent era, censorship of films was piecemeal. Not only states but individual towns had boards of censors who screened movies and ordered cuts of shots or scenes they considered too racy. Projectionists simply snipped out the offending material, a practice that accounts in part for the incompleteness many surviving films from the twenties.2 In the early twenties, Hollywood was hit with a string of off-screen scandals, culminating in the trial of comedian Roscoe Arbuckle on charges of rape and manslaughter. The movie moguls, terrified that bad press would scare away audiences, invited Will Hays to become the guardian and public face of Hollywood’s morals. Hays, a Presbyterian elder and former postmaster general, became director of the Motion Picture Producers and Distributors Association. He was an ideal choice to project a more wholesome image of Hollywood, but as a censor he proved ineffectual, and movies continued to be attacked for their evil influence on the country’s moral fiber.

Silent movies contained many elements that would not be seen during the Code era, including nudity, drug use and comic vulgarity. But the absence of sound gave film a degree of unreality that lent itself to fantasies like Valentino as an Arab sheik and Douglas Fairbanks riding a flying carpet, as well as to timeless moral fables like Sunrise: a Song of Two Humans, whose characters are called simply The Man and His Wife. From Mary Pickford as a spunky urchin to Harold Lloyd as a college freshman, actors frequently played much younger and more naive than they were in real life. Even the flapper films of Clara Bow and Joan Crawford, which purported to expose the shocking mores of modern youth, presented their heroines as pure though misunderstood. With the change to talkies, the silent era’s swashbuckling heroes, Great Lovers, ringleted sweethearts and carefree flappers suddenly seemed antiquated. Sound punctured fantasy and brought movies down to earth and up to date: never again would they soar to the heights of romance they had reached in silence.

The coming of sound involved a complete reinvention of movies, amounting to the development of a new medium. The fluid spectacles of the silent screen gave way to small-scale films confined by the technical limitations of early sound recording technology to interiors and studio sets. The bulk of films from 1929 and ’30 are clunky and static, with stilted dialogue and acting. When talkies hit their stride in the early thirties it was with urban settings that could be recreated on studio backlots and zingy vernacular dialogue delivered at machine-gun pace by Brooklyn-bred voices. As the old screen gods faded, snappy young urbanites like James Cagney and Joan Blondell entranced audiences with their unaffected style and wised-up attitude.3 This new earthiness brought the censorship issue to a crisis; everyone agreed that movies were going “from bad to voice.” In 1930, still hoping to render external censorship unnecessary through self-regulation, the studio moguls officially adopted the Production Code, written largely by a Jesuit priest named Daniel Lord (hence it should, aptly, be known as the Lord’s Code rather than the Hays Code.) But this effort coincided with the onset of the Depression, when the movie studios were struggling like other businesses. Desperate to lure audiences back to theaters they defied the Code to create daringly risqué entertainment, treating the list of “Don’ts and Be Carefuls” as a list of “Do’s.”

The kick in pre-Code movies comes from the awareness shared by the actors and filmmakers that they are pushing the limits, getting away with something. Since today’s films must work so hard to raise an eyebrow, they can never recapture the harmless fizz of Maurice Chevalier taking Jeannette MacDonald’s measurements in Love Me Tonight, or Jean Harlow slipping a portrait of her boss into her garter in Red-Headed Woman, or Miriam Hopkins and Herbert Marshall in Trouble in Paradise picking each other’s pockets over the course of a romantic meal. (“I trust I may keep your garter?”)

There was a Code, after all, and movies were never completely uncensored. Because they couldn’t get away with explicitness or profanity, pre-Code movies specialized in innuendo. A line that would register with sophisticated adults but fly over the heads of children or more naïve viewers was considered ideal; it would protect the innocent while enticing the experienced. In The Half-naked Truth, a scheming promoter played by Lee Tracy checks into a fancy hotel with a Mexican carnival dancer he is passing off as a Turkish princess. Also with them is rotund Eugene Pallette, wearing a turban. The hotel clerk looks at the register Tracy has filled out and does a double take at Pallette. “Oh, they have them in all Turkish harems,” Tracy says, adding confidentially, “He’s very sensitive about it.” The joke is carried through the movie without a word being spoken that could bring a blush to the most prudish cheek. Pre-Code wasn’t always this artful—there’s nothing subtle about Dick Powell singing “I’m Young and Healthy” in a tunnel of chorus girls’ legs, or Tarzan and Jane romping around the jungle in loin cloths—but in general the naughtiness was low-key, not flaunted but there to be discovered by the alert viewer.

Movies offered vacations from reality in sleek art deco style: gleaming penthouses with twinkling views of Manhattan, shimmering bias-cut evening gowns and shiny top hats, buoyant jazz scores and intoxicated gaiety. Beyond mere escapism, there’s a loopy, zany, surreal streak in pre-Code that flourishes in the early Marx Brothers and W.C. Fields films, in Busby Berkeley musicals with their kaleidoscopes of semi-nude chorines and in the cartoons of the Fleischer Brothers, where Cab Calloway lends his voice to a ghostly dancing walrus singing “The St. James Infirmary Blues.” There’s a dizzy feeling, as if the whole of society, like Jack Lemmon in Some Like it Hot, had an empty stomach and it went to their heads.

Maybe it was the effect of hearing so often that prosperity was just around the corner while the country sank deeper and deeper into despair. Demented optimism was parodied—or endorsed; it’s hard to tell—in a bizarre cartoon short from Columbia Studios called Prosperity Blues. A world of wretched, baggy-eyed, trembling sufferers, of cobweb-infested banks and pitiful apple-peddlers, is transformed into a fascistic spectacle of crazed cheerfulness as the hero, to the tune of “Happy Days Are Here Again” slaps disembodied grins on people’s faces with the command “Smile, darn ya, smile!”

“The age of chivalry is over,” James Cagney declares in Blonde Crazy (Del Ruth, 1931). “This, honey, is the age of chiselry.” Tough yet ebullient, Cagney personifies the essential pre-Code flavor of hard-boiled high spirits, sarcastically knowing and gleefully amoral, but not sour or misanthropic. Like nightclub owner Texas Guinan who greeted her customers with a hearty, “Hello, suckers!” the con artist hero of Blonde Crazy seems high on his own cynicism. Or maybe punch-drunk: you need a score card to keep track of how many times Joan Blondell slaps him, and he keeps coming back for more.

The films of Hollywood’s classical period are tight, smooth, polished. The scripts, dialogue, acting, lighting and art direction all gleam with controlled craftsmanship. Blonde Crazy, by contrast, skates on the verge of chaos: the actors seem to be winging it, cutting loose, seeing how far they can go. Cagney revels in this freedom, indulging in outrageous vocal mannerisms, flaunting his virtuosic control of his body as he darts and weaves through the role like a boxer in the ring, going from crafty schemer to world-class chump, wise-cracking operator to heart-broken lover. The anarchic, free-wheeling atmosphere of pre-Code, mined with slapstick and doubles entendres, often leaves modern audiences incredulous. Did I really hear that? Did they really mean...?

Like Night Nurse, Blonde Crazy methodically defies the Code. Undressing scenes? Cagney walks in on Blondell in the tub and appreciatively examines her underwear, doing a little shimmy with her panties, playfully holding her bra over his eyes like a pair of goggles. Liquor in American life? In an early scene Cagney, a bell-hop in an anything-goes hotel, peddles bootleg booze to a traveling salesman (Guy Kibbee). Adultery? Cagney and Blondell’s first con involves setting up the same salesman: caught “parking” with Blondell and a bottle of hooch, he offers a hefty bribe to the “cop” who’s actually their accomplice. Methods of crimes? The depiction of the movie’s confidence tricks, including a daringly simple ploy by which Cagney lifts a diamond bracelet from a jewelry store, is so detailed the viewer could easily copy them. Revenge in modern times? The movie lovingly details the means by which Blondell succeeds in fleecing a fellow con man who previously fleeced Cagney.

One scene is set in an elegant hotel lobby where men discuss the races while women share their plans to blackmail men with love letters. Every single person here is on the make. “Everyone has larceny in his heart,” Bert (Cagney) explains to Ann (Blondell) when he asks her to join him in the rackets. She’s reluctant, but only because she’s afraid of getting caught and sent to jail. Still, as the movie’s only hint of a conscience, she objects to out-and-out thievery and feistily protects her virtue. Bert keeps making passes at her and she keeps slapping his face, without harming their affectionate partnership. But the pair’s toughness keeps them from admitting the depths of their feelings. “I’ve wanted you ever since I saw you,” he tells her earnestly, then shrugs dismissively, “But if I can’t have you I’ll have someone else.” Still, by the time Ann tells him she’s marrying another man, your heart bleeds for Bert, the chiseler with the wandering eye. The other man is Joe Reynolds (Ray Milland) who chivalrously takes a cinder out of her eye and sends her a book of Browning (the poet, not the automatic, as Philip Marlowe would say.) She tells Bert that she’s going to marry Reynolds because he and his family know “a better way to live.” They care for “music and art and that kind of thing.” Of course he turns out to be the biggest louse of all, stealing from his firm and exploiting Bert’s devotion to Ann to make him the patsy. Bert winds up in jail and shot full of holes, but at least Ann finally admits her love and promises to wait for him.

Joan Blondell was the best love interest Cagney ever had. More than able to stand up to him, she brings out an unexpectedly tender and sexy side of his cocky, wound-up persona. With her wide-eyed, appetizing looks, Blondell has a warm, open front but an inner reserve and caution. Like her fellow Brooklynite Barbara Stanwyck, she was born wised-up. Cagney too, for all his extroverted energy, has a core that is aloof, introverted, nervously intense. It is touching to see these two wary, skeptical souls embrace each other so openly. They have good reason to be wary; only suckers trust anyone in the world of Blonde Crazy. Con artists con fellow con artists, and “respectable” citizens lack basic decency. Near the end of the movie, another con man tries to interest Bert in a ploy that involves tricking the relatives of the recently deceased into paying for good luck charms that the dead supposedly ordered just before “kicking off.” Anyone stupid or trusting enough to be conned deserves to lose his money. Life is a continuous game of one-upmanship, a contest to see who can laugh last.

In Guys and Dolls, Sky Masterson explains that among his people, “to be marked as a chump is like losing your citizenship.” During the early thirties, audiences who felt like victims of an economic swindle reveled in the exploits of sharpies, shysters, smart guys who know all the angles and who outwit hypocritical representatives of wealth, authority, respectability. Cagney played more con men than gangsters: in Jimmy the Gent, as “the greatest chiseler since Michelangelo,” he asserts, “There’s only two kinds of guys in business, the ones that get caught and the ones that don’t get caught.” But for all his street smarts, Cagney has moments of child-like naivité. “The consummate urban provincial,” as Andrew Sarris called him, Cagney is irrepressible rather than unflappable. His driving energy, self-mocking humor, hot temper and sentimental streak expressed the pre-Code mood—fast-paced, excitable, hustling for a buck—as Bogart’s world-weary postwar cool expressed the mood of noir.

Later in the thirties, Frank Capra would glorify his own version of the sucker: in his films Gary Cooper and Jimmy Stewart embody the soul of America as innocent, optimistic, easily fooled. Smart cookies like Stanwyck and Jean Arthur would crumble in the face of such purity, renouncing their hardened attitude and determination to get ahead by any means necessary. Even pre-Code movies often bow, sometimes wistfully and sometimes perfunctorily, towards the old-fashioned virtues. Chivalry makes a come-back in the final scene of Blonde Crazy, one of the few genuinely romantic moments in Cagney’s career as he gazes up at Blondell with shining, worshipful eyes. Bert has demonstrated that love can turn a crooked guy into a knight in shining armor. But he’s got a prison stretch ahead of him, and then—what? Will he go straight, get a job? It’s hard to feel any great confidence in his future, since the lasting impression left by the film is that the cornerstone of American society is the confidence trick.

“The End of America”: Heroes for Sale

The pre-Code years corresponded to the nadir of the Great Depression, when disgust with Herbert Hoover’s government deepened the country’s black mood, when the homeless called their shanty-towns “Hoovervilles” and the newspapers they wrapped themselves in “Hoover blankets.” Law-abiding citizens made folk heroes out of bank robbers like Dillinger and Bonnie and Clyde, while hoboes sang of a utopia where “all the cops have wooden legs” and “the railroad bulls are blind.” The “bulls” were notorious for beating the hoboes they caught, shooting at them or forcing them to jump from speeding trains; even young teenagers weren’t spared. Being broke, jobless and homeless was treated not as a misfortune but as a crime. In the South, many towns used transients as slave labor: arrested on freight trains or in rail yards, they were put to work on chain gangs, and when their sentences were up, put back on the trains they’d been arrested for riding and told to get out of town. Communities posted signs, “Jobless men keep going—we can’t take care of our own.” Some towns denied medical care to travelers who fell ill or were injured, simply dumping them outside the city limits. Before the 1932 election of Franklin D. Roosevelt, many people felt the country was drifting towards anarchy or revolution.

Not all movies of the time were escapist fantasies; many pre-Code films were “ripped from the headlines.” Warner Brothers even confronted the Depression in a musical, Golddiggers of 1933. The opening number, “We’re In the Money,” is pure wish-fulfillment, as chorus girls wearing only strategically placed gold coins crow that “Old Man Depression” is through and that, “We never see a headline about a breadline today.” This giddy fantasy shatters when it is revealed to be a rehearsal for a show that has to close down because the producers can’t pay rent for the theater. Soon the chorus girls are staying in bed all day (three to a bed) because they have nothing to eat. The plot invites us to enjoy watching Joan Blondell earn money the easy way again, squeezing it out of a man who is rich, self-righteous and not very bright. Golddiggers is fluff, but it concludes with a musical number that makes a powerful if disconcerting stab at social realism.

This is social realism à la Busby Berkeley, so Blondell dons a black satin dress and stands under a lamppost, suggesting that unless the government helps jobless men their wives will be reduced to peddling themselves in the street. “Remember my forgotten man,” she sings, “You put a rifle in his hand / You sent him far away / You shouted hip hooray / But look at him today…”4 The song is taken up by a black woman sitting in an open window, surrounded by other women posed to look like F.S.A. portraits: a gaunt and worried farm wife, a starved and empty-eyed grandmother. Meanwhile endless lines of men are seen marching off to war, stumbling through the muddy trenches, then shuffling along in breadlines. This was torn from some very fresh headlines: in the summer of 1932 thousands of World War I veterans, known as the Bonus Army, had camped out on the Mall in Washington, D.C., asking the government to pay them the financial bonuses they were promised for their war service in advance, since many of them were unemployed and destitute. The army under Gen. Douglas MacArthur violently dispersed the men and their families, inspiring outrage. In this frivolous Hollywood musical, Blondell confronts a policeman who is rousting a bum out of a doorway, pointing to the military medal pinned to the inside of the man’s shabby lapel. Her eyes burn with pure hatred for the cop.

In these desperate times, both socialism and fascism were touted as viable alternatives to America’s problems. Several Hollywood movies offered glowing visions of benevolent totalitarianism: in Gabriel Over the White House, produced by William Randolph Hearst in 1932, Walter Huston plays a president who seizes dictatorial powers for the good of the country and proceeds to get rid of gangsters by trying them in military courts without constitutional protections. (Sound familiar?) In The Mayor of Hell, the boys in an ethnically diverse and racially integrated reform school are offered the chance to run the place as a children’s democracy, and when a tyrannical director tries to destroy this system, they try him in a kangaroo court complete with flaming torches.

The government’s helplessness or callousness in the face of economic crisis was not the only source of disenchantment with authority. The prohibition of alcohol, enacted in 1920, turned the vast majority of Americans into criminals, law enforcement into hypocrites, and bootlegging gangsters into society’s pets. Meanwhile, in the late 1920s the lingering wounds of the Great War, initially suppressed by a generation desperate to forget, resurfaced as people began to take stock of what they now viewed as a ghastly waste of life. Pacifism was widely embraced; in 1933 the hallowed Oxford University Student Union debated and passed the statement, “That this House will in no circumstances fight for its king and country.” Movies like All Quiet on the Western Front and The Last Flight expressed horror at the costs and pointlessness of the war, while others called attention to the plight of veterans struggling to survive in the country for which they had fought.

Heroes for Sale (Wellman, 1933) is one of the bleakest films to come out of Hollywood during the studio era. What the confidence trick is in Blonde Crazy, gross injustice is in Heroes for Sale: the basic building block of American society. Richard Barthelmess plays the American everyman as Job, afflicted not by mere bad luck but by unfairness, misunderstanding and the heartlessness of the powerful. In the teens and twenties, Barthelmess had played pure-hearted farm boys in silent melodramas like Way Down East and Tol’able David; he stood for integrity, trustworthiness and boyish optimism. By 1933, his fresh handsome face looked tired and worn, prematurely defeated even at the start of the movie, when he supposed to be just 25. The story begins in the trenches during the War, and the first thing we see is an officer issuing a command for a raid intended to gain prestige by capturing a German officer. When a subordinate objects that the plan will amount to suicide, he snaps, “Suicide or not, it’s orders,” and tells the other officer to take nine or ten men, because “that’s all I can afford to lose.” This kind of callous abuse of power will recur throughout the film, until the penultimate scene in which armed policemen drive homeless men from their shelter into the rain, ignoring the plea that they are not bums but veterans.

Tom Holmes (Barthelmess) is one of the nine or ten expendables chosen for the mission, and when his superior officer turns yellow and refuses to leave the shell-hole where they are hiding, he single-handedly knocks out a machine-gun nest and captures a German officer, only to be wounded and left for dead on his way back. His own officer, Roger, takes credit for the escapade and wins the Distinguished Service Cross, while Tom is taken to a German hospital where he is treated humanely but given morphine to ease the pain of shell-fragments in his spinal column, starting him on the road to addiction. Back home, he winds up working in the bank owned by Roger’s father, who self-righteously fires him when he learns of his drug problem. Roger is a weak, nervous, sweaty-palmed villain; he feels bad about stealing Tom’s glory and allowing him to suffer unfairly, just not bad enough to do anything about it.

For a while things look up for Tom. In Chicago he falls in with a friendly father and daughter who run a café, gets a good job at a laundry, and marries a beautiful young woman (Loretta Young). But as soon as he reaches higher he is shot down. He agrees to help promote a friend’s invention to mechanize the laundry, but when his benevolent boss dies, the new owners use the machine as an excuse to fire all their workers. The workers blame Tom and start a riot, in which his wife is accidentally killed. As if that weren’t enough, he is blamed for leading the riot he was trying to stop and sentenced to five years hard labor. When he gets out, he’s still marked as a “Red” and driven out of town by government agents. By now the country is in the grip of the Depression, and he joins the army of hoboes riding the rails. Achieving secular sainthood, Tom gives away the fortune he earned from the laundry machine to fund a soup kitchen. And when he finally encounters Roger again, also on the bum after serving jail time for embezzling, Tom counters Roger’s pessimism (“The country can’t go on this way. This is the end of America”) with a pat speech about how the country isn’t licked and will rise again, just like Roosevelt said in his inaugural speech. Angry and anguished throughout much of the film, by the end he has slipped into a kind of haloed masochism. Despite his clichéd words, what he embodies is not can-do optimism but the kind of enlightened detachment that comes from having nothing more to lose.

“The only thing that matters is money. Without it you are garbage. With it you are a king.” These words are spoken by Max, the German inventor who makes Tom rich and indirectly ruins his life. Max is a ludicrous stereotype, starting out as a ranting communist and abruptly turning into a greedy plutocrat (when someone points out that he used to hate capitalists he responds, “Of course—because I had no money then!”) In its one idyllic interlude, the film shows a workplace where capital and labor cooperate in smiling harmony and the boss is even willing to use mechanization to give employees more leisure and easier jobs without cutting the workforce or lowering salaries. This utopian fantasy, along with the café whose owners give to the poor even as they struggle to survive, suggest that the only solution to the country’s problems is selfless generosity. Unfortunately, the movie also implies that heartlessness and blinkered malice are far more common.

Heroes for Sale is not a lucid analysis of economic problems, and despite a gritty atmosphere it lacks the objectivity of neo-realism. At once bitter and sentimental, it portrays the whole of American society as a “you-must-pay-the-rent-I-can’t-pay-the-rent” melodrama, with villains as vile and heroes as pure as those in a D.W. Griffith tale of wronged innocence. Many pre-Code movies invite the viewer to identify with and root for people who cheat to get ahead: gangsters, con artists, gold-diggers. Heroes for Sale instead asks us to identify with an innocent and virtuous but hapless and often helpless hero. If people fantasized about being one of Cagney’s confident, cynical operators—predators rather than prey—they saw themselves as Tom Holmes: down on their luck, taking one hit after another, but struggling on and clinging to hope.

Wellman’s next film was Wild Boys of the Road, his famous portrait of teenage hoboes, which grinds through hardship and injustice only to veer into shining idealism in the last five minutes. Two middle-class high-school boys turn into ragged panhandlers, one a cripple, the other stooping occasionally to petty theft. A crowd of vagrants bands together to attack and kill a brakeman who has raped a teenage girl, and to fight off the “bulls” who try to put them off a freight train. It’s easy to imagine audiences cheering as the young bums pelt the cops with eggs and fruit, and booing when the cops use fire hoses to drive them from the shanty-town they have built in disused sewer pipes. The hobo community is painted as loyal, diverse and supportive (blacks and girls are treated as equals), but no one is having any fun. They’re not wild, just bone-weary. The protagonists wind up in New York, living in a garbage dump, and one is tricked into taking part in an attempted robbery. But when they are hauled before a judge, instead of coldly meting out injustice like the judge in Heroes for Sale, the kindly man lectures the youths on how things are going to be better now, they will get a fresh chance, as the camera pans up to the National Reconstruction Administration poster above his head (“We Do Our Part”). The ending looks like a cop-out now, but audiences of the time probably cheered it too.

The pre-Code era was vanquished not only by stricter censorship but by the mood swing following Roosevelt’s inauguration, when the desperate country embraced the promise of a “new deal for the American people.” Pictures of FDR went up next to icons of Jesus; at the end of Footlight Parade, another Warner Brothers musical, solders marching in formation create an American flag, the president’s face, and the NRA eagle. Roosevelt campaigned to the tune of “Happy Days are Here Again,” and one of his first actions in office was to repeal Prohibition. The New Deal failed to end the Depression but it did stop the free-fall of the country’s spirits, ending the sense that the people had been abandoned by their leaders. Hollywood diligently promoted the new tone of wholesome optimism, strictly punishing vice and rewarding virtue. But can you regain innocence once you’ve lost it?

The Age of Experience: Baby Face

Pre-Code movies finally went too far. The last straw may have been the lesbian “dance of the naked moon” in The Sign of the Cross, Miriam Hopkins getting raped in a barn in The Story of Temple Drake, or Mae West just being Mae West. America was divided then as now, and the backlash that ushered in the Code crackdown was driven in part by heartland resentment of movies pitched at sophisticated urban audiences. 5 Outraged by the increasingly salacious tone of Hollywood, in 1934 the Catholic Church formed the Legion of Decency and ordered its congregations to boycott the movies it condemned. In fact, box office receipts rose for movies that were banned by the Legion, but Hollywood’s producers panicked at the prospect of shrinking audiences; of being attacked as foreign corrupters of America’s youth, since most were Jewish immigrants; and of federal government intervention. They capitulated. After 1934, the studios could no longer flout the Production Code Administration and its viciously anti-Semitic head, Joe Breen; unless movies earned its seal of approval they would be blackballed. For a few years filmmakers fought hard against the Code6, but as ticket sales rose with the easing of the Depression, they settled into acceptance of its strictures. For the next twenty years married couples would sleep in twin beds and no couple would kiss for longer than three seconds. The most damaging aspect of the Code was not that it limited what could be shown, but that it forced movies to uphold conservative values, to show respect for authority and religion, and to present a simple dichotomy of good and evil, virtue and sin. The censors did not want controversial subjects like abortion, prostitution or racial tensions discussed from any angle, no matter how morally serious. Hollywood managed to produce great movies under the Code’s restrictions, but sometimes its stifling effect gave them a sterile, airless, homogenized quality.

Some of the pre-Code spirit survived in screwball comedy, a genre created by the Code—the sexes must battle lest they wind up in bed. Even at the height of the Code, Preston Sturges and Billy Wilder consistently subverted its precepts, probably because their dialogue was too clever or just too audaciously dirty for the censors to decipher. After World War II the hard-boiled, wised-up attitude went underground, flourishing in film noir, but what became of the pre-Code sensibility after the end of the noir cycle? Our own time may be rife with irony and black comedy, but sneaky innuendo can’t thrive without restrictions, and all-pervasive, indiscriminate irony becomes shallow and facile. The gritty, sassy tone of pre-Code flourished precisely because it still had the power to shock.

The proponents of censorship cited the overwhelming power and mass appeal of movies, which made them particularly dangerous to the young. And after all movies were not art, so they couldn’t claim first-amendment protection as books or plays might: one journalist wrote in 1934 that no “classic” movie had been created yet. Hollywood’s producers were all too ready to agree, viewing their creations only as commercial products. Even pre-Code films weren’t safe from retroactive censorship. Those that were re-released during the Code years or the early years of television had bits cut out: Myrna Loy trilling “Mimi” in a sheer nightgown in Love Me Tonight, Edward Woods tussling in bed with Joan Blondell in Public Enemy. Ironically, films that were considered too thoroughly offensive to be salvaged remained intact. In 2004 a complete, uncensored print of Baby Face, perhaps the crown jewel of pre-Code, was discovered at the Library of Congress. Baby Face (Green, 1933) was so sordid that it was rejected outright by state censorship boards and heavily altered before being released, but a copy of the original camera negative showed the film as only censors had ever seen it.

Sold-out crowds packed New York’s Film Forum on a snowy Monday in January 2005 to be the first audience ever to watch Barbara Stanwyck smash a beer bottle over the head of a man molesting her, then lie down in the straw with a brakeman in return for a free ride on a freight train; to hear a sinister German cobbler quote Nietszche to Stanwyck and advise her to stamp out all emotion and use her power over men to get the things she wants. A New York Times piece on the rediscovered print stated that “you couldn’t make this film today.” Baby Face’s heroine, Lily Powers, is sexy and heartless, with a hidden, wounded fury built up during a lifetime of mistreatment. Accompanied by a growling rendition of “The St. Louis Blues,” she climbs a ladder of weak and venal men from a dreary steel-town speakeasy to the inevitable Manhattan penthouse. With her all the way is the only person she really cares for, her black maid and best friend, played by the beautiful Teresa Harris. Baby Face has all the kick, the style, the shocking laughs and underlying bleakness that exemplify pre-Code.

During the Depression, with so many men unable to support families, women became responsible for their own and their children’s survival as they had rarely been before. Many pre-Code movies focus on the predicament of women looking for ways to support themselves outside of marriage. While the flappers of the 1920s were young girls sowing their wild oats, the women of pre-Code are looking for security, and they aren’t too scrupulous about how they get it. They are neither virtuous helpmeets nor destructive vamps; they are adults who have faced some cold, hard facts. Actresses like Constance Bennett and Miriam Hopkins played a new kind of woman who was hardened, experienced, far from spotless, but who instead of paying for her sins usually triumphed in the end.

World War I shattered the traditional manly and womanly ideals of the nineteenth century; World War II brought back the celebration of the he-man and the homemaker. Between the wars there was a blurring and mingling of the sexes. Women bobbed their hair, smoked and drove cars; men got manicures, sang falsetto and danced the Charleston. A novelty song of the time complained: “Masculine women, feminine men / Which is the rooster, which is the hen? / It’s hard to tell ‘em apart these days.” Homosexuality was an object of sniggering fascination, and caricatures of effeminate men and butch women show up regularly in pre-Code movies. In Ladies They Talk About, a new inmate in a women’s prison is warned about a hefty cigar-smoking lady in a monocle: “Watch out for her, she likes to wrestle.” In Wonder Bar, a fey young man cuts in on a dancing couple and dances off—with the man. “Boys will be boys!” Al Jolson comments with a swishy gesture.

In the Victorian era, Europe and America embraced the ideal of woman as untouched by experience, the “angel of the house.” One of the arguments against granting women the vote or allowing them to enter universities and the work-place was that if they left the domestic sphere they would lose their purity and moral authority. The working women of thirties Hollywood triumphantly backed this argument: they are hard-nosed, pragmatic, independent. The “double standard” for pre- and extra-marital sex was a common theme in films of the early thirties: why shouldn’t women act like men? The feisty yet vulnerable pre-Code woman was more compromised than the fast-talking dame of later screwball comedies, who usually worked as a reporter or secretary and relished her self-sufficiency. One aspect of pre-Code movies that might actually shock contemporary audiences is the ubiquitous equation of sex and money. It’s taken for granted that women will sell themselves for furs, jewels and apartments, as “kept women” or free-lance party girls. This reflects the Depression too, a time when—so the movies warned—the scarcity of honest jobs might tempt girls to take “the easiest way.” Men, meanwhile, might turn to crime, bootlegging, gangs: selling their souls for flashy suits, cars and women. Unlike their female counterparts, the fallen men always pay, dying in the gutter or going to the chair. Women who break commandments—even a hard-bitten ex-felon like Constance Bennett in Bed of Roses—can be redeemed through the love of an honest man, in this case the poor but hunky Joel McCrea.

The thirties were a golden age for women in Hollywood movies, the only decade when they were regularly allowed to be smart, competent, funny and sexy all at once, and seldom required to be tamed or put in their place by men (Female is a dispiriting exception.) Throughout the decade, women continued to embody the toughness and cynicism of the Depression years in romantic comedies, where they were habitually both more dazzling and more down-to-earth than their male counterparts. The experienced woman paired with a naïve, virginal man is partly a comic reversal of a more traditional trope, Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. But while these women take economic advantage of their male prey, they are also seduced by male innocence. They yearn for what they themselves have lost.

The uncensored version of Baby Face makes it clear that Lily was forced into prostitution by her own father when she was fourteen. Hence the cruel irony of the title: while she poses as girlishly helpless (“Nothing like this has ever happened to me,” she pleads when she’s caught in the restroom with her boss) she has been, as the cliché goes, robbed of innocence. This is the festering wound behind her hard, defiant poise. No one could play the part better than Stanwyck, with her devastating ability to face the facts; her sudden lashing rages; and the enticing warmth that she could—chillingly—turn on or off at will. Douglas Sirk spoke later of how Stanwyck seemed to have been “deeply touched by life.” Her most arresting trait is her level, unwavering gaze, both bold and sad—what Sirk called her “amazing tragic stillness.” The simplicity of her style comes from a steely inner resolve, a hard-won self-mastery that allows her to look at the world without fear—but not without anger or sorrow. “My life has been hard, bitter,” Lily tells her husband. “I’m not like other women. All the gentleness and kindness in me has been killed.”

Movies of the early thirties revel in the victory of experience over innocence, but they mourn it too. James Cagney stumbles into the gutter in the rain muttering, “I ain’t so tough.” Ann Dvorak, as a drug addict whose sleazy lover has kidnapped her son, crashes through a window and plummets to the street below to save the boy’s life. Paul Muni, fugitive from a chain gang, fades into the darkness, answering his girlfriend’s question, “How do you survive?” with the despairing words, “I steal!”7 It is this sense of bitter knowledge, of deeply-felt experience, that makes the best pre-Code movies truly “adult.” W.H. Auden said that the purpose of art is to make self-deception more difficult: “by telling the truth, to disenchant and disintoxicate.” Enchantment and intoxication have always been Hollywood’s stock in trade, but occasionally—in Out of the Past, in The Lady Eve, in Blonde Crazy—the studios blended cocktails of fantasy and disillusionment, of disappointment and romance. Hollywood in the 1930s cast its lingering spell not with cynical magic, but with magical cynicism.

by Imogen Sara Smith

NOTES

1. In, respectively, Man’s Castle, Baby Face, Murder at the Vanities.

2. What happened to the cut footage? Most of it probably wound up in the wastebasket, though some found a home elsewhere. In his book The Silent Clowns Walter Kerr recounts how a boyhood friendship with his local projectionist enabled him to amass “what must unquestionably have been the most extensive collection of shots of Vilma Banky’s décolletage existing anywhere in America.”

3. Native New Yorkers Cagney and Blondell were appearing together in a play called “Penny Arcade” when they were both offered contracts by Warner Brothers, the studio that, with its Vitaphone process, had pushed the changeover to sound. “Penny Arcade” became the film Sinners’ Holiday; Cagney and Blondell made six more films together and formed a life-long friendship.

4. Harry Warren and Al Dubin wrote “Remember My Forgotten Man,” which echoes the great Depression anthem, “Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?” in its complaint that the men who built the country and fought to defend it were now reduced to begging for bread. These two songs were exceptional; Tin Pan Alley churned out hundreds of “keep smiling” ditties during the Depression, leaving it to Woody Guthrie to express the nation’s bitter mood in songs like “I Ain’t Got No Home in this World Anymore.”

5. The pre-Code Two Kinds of Women opens with the governor of a western state rehearsing a passionate speech decrying the evil influence of New York City on the rest of the nation, leading America’s youth astray with the lure of glamour and fast living. The scene cuts to the next room where the governor’s daughter (Miriam Hopkins) lounges on a sofa in sexy pajamas, reading The New Yorker and listening to a radio program broadcasting jazz from a Manhattan nightclub. The movie makes no secret of which side it’s on. At the end the daughter says that she and her New York playboy husband will announce that they are moving to South Dakota for the fresh air and clean living—until her father is re-elected, after which, “We’ll come back and live on East 58th Street!”

6. Producers and filmmakers at Warner Brothers were particularly hostile to the new regime. Busby Berkeley’s Footlight Parade features a puritanical censor who keeps popping up to warn Cagney, a director of musical prologues, “You’ll have to put some bathing suits on those mermaids—you know Pennsylvania.” Ultimately, he’s revealed as worse than just a buffoon when he’s caught in flagrante delicto with the film’s floozy.

7. In, respectively, Public Enemy, Three on a Match, I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang.

#Imogen . Sara Smith #The Chiseler #Sinner's Holiday: An Ode to Pre-Code #Joan Blondell #James Cagney

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kieranconveyma · 4 years

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6.Digital Ontology and Strategies of Realism: Notes

Questioning definitions of reality

■Addressing the relationship between reality and realism

■Introducing key theories and perspectives on realism to use as strategies to incorporate realism in media practice

What is reality?

Ontology = philosophical study of being

Epistemology = philosophical study of knowing

In philosophy Realism: The view that there is an independent material reality.

If reality is independent from us then it can be known in an objective manner

Reality and visual media - In media traditions

Representation

Simulation

Reality and visual media - Today

Representation - Cinema

Simulation - Games

Do you make a claim to realism in your practice?

Does your work involve representation/simulation?

The rape of Proserpina -Bernini (1621-1622) art piece

More realistic ?

Waltz with Bashir (2008) Animated Documentary

Hacksaw Ridge (2016) Live Action Film

John Constable - Salisbury Cathedral from the Bishop's Grounds 1825

Is one looking less realistic like Adventure Time or the Screaming Man painting less valid

Nikolay Chernyshevsky (1828-89)‘

The first purpose of artis to reproduce reality.’

Wallace Stevens (1879-1955),

‘Realism is a corruption of reality.’

André Bazin (1918 - 1958) - ‘the highpriest of realism’

■Film critic and film theorist

■Co-founded Cahiers du Cinéma (1951)

■Focused on the ontology of the photographic (and cinematic) image

“At the heart of Bazin’s strictures oncinematic realism lies the conviction that themovie camera, by the simple act ofphotographing the world, testifies to themiracle of God’s creation. It is sanctioned todo so precisely because it is an invention ofscience”.Matthews, P. (2018)

“Divining the real: the leaps of faith in André Bazin’s film criticism”. BFI,

https://www.bfi.org.uk/news-opinion/sight-sound-magazine/features/andre-bazin-divining-real-film-criticism-overview

Photographic images as objective representations of reality, rather than the product of human craft and agency.-> photographic images have a responsibility towards reality that paintings don’t have

Workers Leaving the Lumière Factory (1895)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEQeIRLxaM4

“Those directors who put their faith in the image and those who put their faith in reality.” Bazin quoted in Matthews, P. (2018)

“Divining the real: the leaps of faith in André Bazin’s film criticism”.

BFI, https://www.bfi.org.uk/news-opinion/sight-sound-magazine/features/andre-bazin-divining-real-film-criticism-overview

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAtpxqajFak

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1919)

Documentary = Realism?

Nanook of the North (1921)

6 Modes of Documentaries - Bill Nichols

The Poetic Mode reassembling fragments of the world', a transformation of historical material into a more abstract, lyrical form, usually associated with 1920s and modernist ideas

The Expository Mode 'direct address', social issues assembled into an argumentative frame, mediated by a voice-of-God narration, associated with 1920s-1930s, and some of the rhetoric and polemic surrounding World War TwoThe

Observational Mode as technology advanced by the 1960s and cameras became smaller and lighter, able to document life in a less intrusive manner, there is less control required over lighting etc, leaving the social actors free to act and the documentarists free to record without interacting with each other.

The Participatory Mode the encounter between film-maker and subject is recorded, as the film-maker actively engages with the situation they are documenting, asking questions of their subjects, sharing experiences with them. Heavily reliant on the honesty of witnesses

The Reflexive Mode demonstrates consciousness of the process of reading documentary, and engages actively with the issues of realism and representation, acknowledging the presence of the viewer and the modality judgements they arrive at. Corresponds to critical theory of the 1980s

The Performative Mode acknowledges the emotional and subjective aspects of documentary, and presents ideas as part of a context, having different meanings for different people, often autobiographical in nature”

Bill Nichols (2001) Introduction to Documentary Indiana University Press

Social realism

■fiction films

■closely linked to thedocumentary

■attempt to portray,communicate and revealreal conditions of life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wjl8uFYrbhA

Believability E.g. Hollywood make-believe, Photoshop and 3D modelling Rather than reducing technical intervention to mirror reality, a deliberate intervention are used to make viewers ‘believe

’A variety of shots are employed to make spatial, temporal and emotional sense to audiences Bazin compared classical film to a photographed play where events seem to exist objectively and cameras only give us the best view A variety of shots are employed to make spatial, temporal and emotional sense to audiences Bazin compared classical film to a photographed play where events seem to exist objectively and cameras only give us the best view

https://vimeo.com/35046779

Animation as realism

■It’s obvious to the audience that themedium is there

■No attempt is made to hide its ownconstructedness

■It can address social issues in uniqueand powerful ways

Erlich, N. (2011) “Animated Documentaries as Maskin”. Animation Studies.6. https://journal.animationstudies.org/nea-ehrlich-animated-documentaries-as-masking/

Waltz with Bashir 2008 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J9uoLMhMhs

“in discussions of this issue with Israeli ex-soldiers I havebeen told that it was in fact the animation that made thesedepictions so accurate and realistic as there was really noway to present the bizarre and unreal sensations of theexperiences of war. Consequently, although these animatedimages may not be visually realistic and/or physicallyindexical, they are undoubtedly informative and possess atruth value that legitimises them and should prevent viewersfrom automatically disregarding them as fictional” (Erlich2011)Erlich, N. (2011) “Animated Documentaries as Maskin”. Animation Studies. 6. https://journal.animationstudies.org/nea-ehrlich-animated-documentaries-as-masking/ “animation “penetrates” into areas which cannot be conceptualized and illustrated in other forms” (Wells 2002: 59) Wells, P., (2002) Animation – Genre and Authorship

The Lion King 3D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UQV89DQTWo

Reducing intervention Reducing the amount of technology being used Minimal use of post-production E.g. "Dogme 95 Manifesto" and the "Vows of Chastity" by Lars von Trier, Thomas Vinterberg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGAa8WF0vxo

Immediacy (Jay David Bolter and Richard Grusin - Remediation 1999)The dream of media is to erase itself...Immediacy: ‘without mediation’ when the medium vanishes, e.g. ‘getting lost in a book or a game

‘a style of visual representation whose goal is to make the viewer forget the presence of the medium (canvas, photographic film, cinema, and so on) and believe that he is in the presence of the objects of representation’(Bolter and Grusin, 1999: 272-273).

‘the desire for immediacy is the desire to get beyond the medium...’ (Bolter and Grusin, 1999: 83).

Remediation ‘Photography was supposedly more immediate than painting, film than photography, television than film, and now virtual reality fulfils the promise of immediacy and supposedly ends the progression.’(Bolter and Grusin, 1999: 60)

VR: the quest for transparent immediacy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBpFx-ixBiM

Hypermediacy Jay David Bolter and Richard Grusin - Remediation 1999)Elements of the medium make it impossible for us to forget about it. Hypermediacy: the medium draws attention to itself, e.g. noticeable editing, text superimposed on screen, special effects

Realism as a full experience ‘digital hypermedia seek the real by multiplying mediation so as to create a feeling of fullness, a satiety of experience...’ (Bolter and Grusin, 1999: 53).

Diego Velázquez, Las Meninas, 1656

Experience and Sensory Immersion

■Choice, point of view, first-person perspective, realistically negotiable immersive world? Thegreatest realism?

■Experiential realism

Virtual reality: Extreme realism or absence of realism?

From reality to hyperreality

“The generation by models of a real without origins or reality: the hyperreal” (Baudrillard 1988: 166).

In hyperreality, simulation can feel even more real that the real itself. Baudrillard, J. (1988) Selected Writings. Stanford; Stanford University Press.

#media discourses

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agentnico · 7 years

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The Cloverfield Paradox (2018) Review

This is how the 4th Cloverfield movie announcement’s going to happen. Before a random movie at the theatre a trailer for Cloverfield 4 is played. Trailer ends with “Coming Right Now”. Then the entire movie plays. Followed by “And now our feature presentation of the movie you actually paid to see.”

Plot: After a scientific experiment aboard the space station involving a particle accelerator has unexpected results, the astronauts find themselves isolated. Following their horrible discovery, the space station crew must fight for survival.

So yeah, there’s a new Cloverfield film out, how about that! You got to give one thing to this franchise, they do handle their marketing well. The original Cloverfield had a trailer that didn’t reveal the film’s title and kept the whole thing as a massive mystery. Then many years later a surprising trailer comes for a sort-of-sequel 10 Cloverfield Lane one or two month before its actual release, which in our day and age is very rare with how much publicity is usually put over films during their production, let alone their release. Then J.J. Abrams (major producer of these films) announced the Twilight Zone element of this franchise, saying how all these films are in some ways connected, yet its not one cohesive story. So then rumour began to drop that this other upcoming sci-fi feature God Particle would also be in the Cloverfield universe. That was later confirmed to be true, and then minus some rumours we didn’t hear much of this film, until now when during the Super Bowl game Netflix out of nowhere drop a trailer for this new film called The Cloverfield Paradox, saying that the film will be made available to stream literally as soon as the Super Bowl game was over. On one hand that’s a very bold marketing ploy, on the other hand I can also explain this from the fact that the film is a disappointment and so Paramount sold the feature to Netflix upon realising that they won’t make the money’s worth back at the box office, and Netflix on their part considered that this marketing idea might be the one thing to actually make people want to see this film. I myself am a strong Clovy-fan, enjoying both the original which merged the two completely different genres of found-footage and big sci-fi blockbuster, and then 10 Cloverfield Lane being very this confined character study with some knock-out performances by the likes of John Goodman and Mary Elizabeth Winstead, so I was strongly looking forward to the continuation of this franchise. Well, Paramount did a clever thing of selling this film to Netflix, as boy is it not good! Alright, its not terrible, but it has a lot of issues. I will discuss some of these, though I will try avoiding stepping into spoiler territory, because I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise level of your viewing pleasure. Though the movie is streaming on Netflix now, so you can go watch it right away if you wanted to.

First and foremost, even though the production design is great, technically this movie has no problems, this film does something that can ruin any movie with a decent budget. The screenplay. This has a very overly-complicated story with a lots of plot holes, and character dialogue that is laughably cheesy and unreal. It doesn’t help that the line deliver by all cast members is fairly wooden, and the general acting feels fake. You are watching these people and you can see them acting, if you know what I mean. And this is in light of the kind of actors that are involved, with talents like Daniel Bruhl, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, David Oyelowo, Elizabeth Debicki and Chris O’Dowd (who becomes literally disabled in this film, IT Crowd fans will get that joke!). All these guys are good at what they do, but in this film its like all their energy was sucked out of them. But returning to the film itself, the story is a big mess. With the plot revolving around parallel universes and multiple dimensions, it basically allows the film to do whatever it wants, because whenever someone asks “why is this happening?”, all the producers have to say is “parallel universes, mate, parallel universes”. But that doesn’t stop the film from not making any sense. Also, there is distinctly two movies in this one film. The one tale about inter parallel dimensions, and then the other being the tacked on Cloverfield story, which feels very forced and muddles the whole thing into unexplained malarchy. But simply put, these two stories don’t work together as one, which basically makes the whole film fall apart.

Talking about the Cloverfield side of things, this movie does attempt to answer some questions and tie-in to the original film in the series, but it manages to in return double down an the amount of questions. However I got to give props to this film having that feel of a Cloverfield movie, as afterwards I was very much in the mood to rewatch all the previous entries in the franchise. But as a whole, the movie is a bloated mess with badly written underperformed characters, a weak badly convoluted plot, and generally lacks energy in so making many parts of the film feel boring. I am still looking forward to the next Cloverfield film, since this has only been one weak film out of a series of 3 movies, so I don’t see the point on giving up on these films yet. But don’t expect anything big from this one, go check it out on Netflix is you already have an account, but at the end of the day go rewatch the previous two instead if you are very much in the mood for Clovy. But as B-movie, The Cloverfield Paradox can bring out some enjoyment.

Overall score: 5/10

TOP MOVIE QUOTE: “I’m not controlling it!” “How do you know?” “Cause I’m giving you the finger right now!”

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elevenhoursinfront-blog · 7 years

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28th August 2017

It took us ages to get to sleep because everyone outside were still enjoying their Sunday sesh. Alex came out of his room and said "I hate to be that guy, but could you please turn the music off or keep it down. My alarm goes off at 0400". I was so happy he came out and said that because it was so loud. I get so aggy when I can't sleep, especially on a school night. Most people went to bed after about an hour of being stupidly loud. The alarm went off at 0700. We were leaving at 0830 but still got up earlier than necessary. We hate rushing and we like to chill in bed for a little bit before getting ready for work. Chilling in bed means listening to any missed football highlights and goals, announcements and transfers. It really is the best way to start your day... ... ... We got dressed and sorted. We had breakfast last at around 0810 otherwise we'd be hungrier earlier. We only needed to take one lunch in but Steve being Steve, he made two. He knows what we're both like. We jumped in the van and had to leave without Si. Si is a little Asian guy that lives two doors down. He's very quiet and doesn't socialise all that much but he's a gem. He didn't know that we were starting at 0900 and didn't get up. It's not an issue though, he'll just jump in with the rest of the gang at 1010. I'm not sure why we were asked to come in earlier. Money is money though and I'm pleased we were. Only a select few get asked and it's for the cleaning that didn't get finished on Friday. Maybe there's a 'rota' as such as to who's turn it is to come in earlier on Monday? I think about things too much. We got in and there was hardly anyone there. We walked over to Vicki and asked what we needed to do. Ana and I were sent up to the cold room to sweep and mop the roof. Steve was cleaning around his work station and started de-handing the bananas for us to box up soon. The cold room is a room in which I presume is cold... I've never been in there. We were cleaning the roof... We got our brooms and went up the stairs. We had to climb a bit to get there properly but it was alright. Vicki made sure I wasn't scared of heights and told me not to go near to the edge as that's far too much paper work.

We did half the roof each and my God was I sweating. There's the factory shed roof above our heads of this room. So we had to sweep and mop, crouching down. What a workout! It took us about an hour and my back was in agony. There was so much dust and dirt so the sweeping took forever. We had to climb back down to change from broom to mop and carrying the bucket up. I thought I was going to fall when I had to jump onto the top of the stairs. I smashed my head on the roof once though and I thought it was bleeding. It wasn't, thank God. The last time I had a head type accident, my Dad marched down A&E to see me sitting there swinging my legs under the chair. I didn't mean to climb under a 10 tonne lorry, I just wanted to sit under it. I then lifted my head up and a screw went into the top of my head. Good times. I was only about 8. Mum said that I always wanted red hair though. The bell went at 1000 and we still got to have this break. Thankfully because I was absolutely sweating. Dripping. Boiling! Who knew that would be like going to a Legs, Bums and Tums class? I'll ask to clean the roof of the Cold Room 1 again! Steve and I did eat our sandwiches, as he predicted. We sat there and chilled out until the rest of the clan arrived around 1020. The half an hour breaks pass by SO quickly it's unreal. Half an hour at work passes by SO slow it's stupid. I don't get it. The first session packing boxes went really fast, I was shocked when the bell went for break. This is why I like Monday's! Only one more session until home time. Steve still moans about how slow time goes. He hates it when he has to hang - he prefers de-handing. Hanging looks easy though. The bananas sit on a trailer and you put a chain round it and press a button for the machine to lift it. The chains are on a "belt" as such from up high and it's constantly moving. So, you have to be quick and keep up with it. Steve's lucky though - he has to change between each job every session because de-handing is dangerous for your hands. They're constantly cutting at an angle for 3 hours without a break so you have to rest. I don't get to change jobs, I do the same one for 8.5 hours a day, day in day out. BORING. The day was over before we knew it. Fantastic! Time to jump in the van as soon as possible and get showered before anyone else. We had no plan for the evening except sit and do nothing... What a great plan that is. We got in and washed ourselves... Job one done! Second job was to sort out Steve's tax rebate from home. He was one of the lucky ones due money back and unfortunately, I was not. Apparently £2500 is the right amount for me to pay in a year. Boo. I disagree. All sorted, after about 30 minutes and that should be in his bank within 5 working days. Not forgetting that it's bank holiday at home tomorrow. Next, time to sort our tax return for Australia! This legally has to be done by every person here, I don't think it's mandatory at home. Any who - backpackers pay 15% tax every time and do not get a penny of it back. They also don't get much of their super back (pension) which I think is wrong. Just because we're backpackers doesn't mean we're not doing the same job as you. Meh. Now, when doing Australian tax, you gave to sign up on their Gov site and then go to the Australia Taxation Office link. You then have to ring up and ask for a linking code. After a few security questions, they give you a code. You shove that into the link and bam. You're through to the next stage. Now you have to select Yes or No to an important question. The question asks whether you were an Australia resident when working and paying tax. If you select yes, you get the majority back. If you select no, you get a very minor amount back. The difference is significant - it can be $4,000 Vs $40/$400. Obviously, clicking No is lying and technically defrauding the Government but they should also check their forms before approving. They should know who is on a visa and who isn't, right? I won't say what Steve and I selected, or if we even selected the same. Who knows? What'd you reckon? Either way, tax return completed for both and we await our approval texts. Money should enter the bank account a few days after. Tax UK done, tax AU done and it was 2000 already. I spent the next hour or so FaceTiming my mum which was really nice. We chatted away for ages and it looks like we're moving house again. We were very unfortunate to pick a lovely house next to God awful neighbours. They've spent the year bullying my mum and she no longer wants to be there. I think we're moving to a house in Cambridgeshire which is a pain in the bum as it's an hour plus away from what I call home. We've put an offer in for a lovely house and it's been accepted. Now just the waiting game. Who knows what'll happen. I swore on my life I wouldn't move house again and here I am about to do it again! What a kafuffle. 2130 and I was struggling to sleep. Steve was flicking through his phone looking at football stuff, as he does. I just couldn't get off to sleep. My mind was racing going 100 to 1. That's the worst thing about my job, 8 solid hours of standing there thinking to myself. No conversation with anyone. Just standing there, being a robot, thinking over and over.

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zhuletta · 8 years

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Thorns of Fate: Chapter 5

Summary: One tiny mistake could ruin them completely. They were neglected by society. Hunted down. Dan Howell wasn’t about to let anyone know his secret, and if becoming enemies with Phil Lester was the only way to manage it, he would. If only he knew how crazy fate could be.

Word Count: 5.2k (im fkn generous love me)

TW: None

A/N: Feedback makes me update faster<3333

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Masterlist

Last Chapter and Next Chapter (once i post it)

There really wasn’t much to talk about with Mrs. Howell after she took him away. It’s true, he and Mary have been basically together for a long while now, but what was there left to say? Yes, she was funny. Yes, he enjoyed spending time with her. Their conversations were almost always about the books they read or getting to know what else there was with the other. and truly, that was it.

When Mrs. Howell sat him down and asked him how was everything going with Mary he struggled to extend his answer to something more than a poor ‘good’.

Phil suspected that probably she was expecting something more… just, more.

Bollocks. Phil didn’t suspect a thing. He just knew. It was just the way Mrs. Howell smiled when she sat and the pure expectation, and really it was plainly obvious what she was expecting from him, and obviously Phil didn’t catch it. Until it was too late.

Marriage. Like, actual holy marriage. Phil knew sooner or later it would eventually happen, but he dreaded the sooner and praised the later. Don’t get him wrong, Mary was everything you could dream of a woman, she was intelligent, she got good looks, she had a voice, an actual knowledge about the world.

She was the perfect woman.

And technically, that was the only problem.

Not that he was actually going to say it. God no, there was no death wish present in his mind. Or maybe there was?

It’s not that it mattered, after all he is not that sure that he can actually die.

What does that has to do with the situation he was now in?

Nothing, but it was nice to get it off his chest. Now actually, he wanted to take his chest completely altogether because damn he was horrible at social situations.

The ball started, and Phil had a reason to avoid them before and right now he had more than one reason to disappear, like, forever. He could put a cover, he could perfectly pretend that everything was fine and that this was a everyday thing, yes he could. But he couldn’t pretend not to be full panicking in the inside.

The winter ball was huge. Huge. He’ve been in other social encounters but never at this scale.

Everything was beautifully decorated, and there wasn’t a thing Phil could complain about without lying. The party itself was perfect, the problem? The huge amount of people. No, scratch that. The huge amount of people that expect something from him.

Phil Lester is no idiot. He knew that suddenly appearing in a celebration like this that he used to avoid would raise suspicion, and truly, that was intended. Still, intended or not, he still felt a huge pressure over his shoulders. But he was aware that the only way of covering gossip is to give an even greater one. Phil knew the type of rumors there were about him, and he wouldn’t lie, those were one of the main reasons of his relationship with Mary. He should feel bad for using her, but he isn’t, not anymore. At first he was, but with the time he actually got to like Mary so he was now at peace.

He knew that there were at least a dozen of news reporters that didn’t work for him here, so he tried his best to just encounter those who did work for him as he knew that none of those dared to raise their voice against him. Maybe later he would talk to those beyond his control, but he would once he got Mary in his arms and with no way to screw his meticulous plan up.

As he was deep in thought he didn’t notice the for walking towards him until he was way too late to avoid it.

“Mr. Philip Lester, I presume?” A feminine voice said behind startling him. He quickly turned around meeting cold, deep brown eyes. He frowned as he saw her because it was the second time in the same day that he had encountered someone with an incredible lookalike with Mary, he was so concentrated in staring he didn’t get what the woman said next.

“Pardon me?” He was glad he didn’t stutter.

“Excuse me for not introducing myself, Mr. Lester,” she said. He noticed that she looked like Mary, but the way she talked was way more colder than hers. “I’m Shelia Howell,” she said extending a hand which Phil shook politely.

“Mary’s cousin, I see. Well, there is no need to introduce myself I presume,” he said with a small smile. Shelia did have a semblance with Mary, but if you looked closely they were very different, Shelia looked more mature, she looked as if she were tired, almost exhausted. She didn’t look happy. She had beautiful eyes, but they were almost like turned off. That and her hair was longer.

“I must assume that you already know about my cousin,” she said monotonously before sipping her cup.

“Yes indeed, she wrote to me this morning,”

“It must be a relief.”

“Excuse me?” Phil frowned, not really believing he heard what he heard.

“I mean, her not being here means to be left alone from thoughts of commitment and marriage which, I must feel sorry in behalf of my Dear mother who, without a doubt already flooded you with questions of when and how will you propose. I must admit that she is desperate after all, Mary is in a age where she should already have a spouse or else she will become a lonely woman with an enormous inheritance which if someone ever asked me, personally don’t think sounds bad at all. But, I know how social pressure is an issue in all of this and that most people are susceptible to it so, it’s not in my place to judge.” Shelia said all in one big intake of breath which had Phil head spinning. Wasn’t Shelia the quiet one?

“M-maybe,” he finally said after some quiet moments. Shelia raised an eyebrow and chuckled once before looking at him.

“Was I too bold, Mr. Lester?” Phil was just left dumbfounded. “Pardon me, I was just testing how much preparation you will need to become a part of the Howell’s and, oh lord, good luck. Mr. Lester.” Shelia said with a bow before retreating as she saw someone who caught her interest.

“What in the name of hell…” Phil muttered to himself before calling a butler to refill his cup.

For the next fifteen minutes or so, Phil just floated around in conversation with people who knew more about him that he himself did. He did notice the amount of journalists trying to engulf him in conversation, but he did his best to avoid them. He almost did until-

“Philip Lester! My dearest pal!”

-The damned of Aleister Brier appeared.

“Aleister, fancy seeing you here,” Phil said while forcing a smile, resisting the urge to just tell the man to sod off upon seconds of seeing him.

“Isn’t it? This is almost unreal, I’ve have never seen you in one of the Howell’s celebrations.” Mr. Brier said moving a hand to pat Phil on the shoulder, but before he could Phil quickly moved back, avoiding the contact.

“Well, yes, Work keeps some of us quite busy, you know?” He smiled bitterly at the man infant of him before raising an eyebrow and sipping his glass.

“Who could know better than me, dear pal? Same business, don’t you remember?” Mr. Brier mimicked Phil’s expression. The black haired noticed how the older’s man eye twitched as he also sipped his wine.

None of them wanted to be here right now, but this was like a competition. Tensed shoulders, clenched fists, forced smiles, and the best? The winner was the last to back down.

“Business running good, Philip?”

“Like you wouldn’t imagine,” better, than yours, that you can. Phil bit his tongue. He hated how this man took the worst of him. Phil wasn’t mean in any sense, he has always been someone who hates really rarely, but this man before him, he could rise the hell that there was inside of him with a single breath.

Phil couldn’t imagine hating someone more than him. It just wasn’t possible.

But he had his reasons. Since day one Brier and his company has been trying to take him, and his father before him, down with the worst they could find. They were the ones who started the hell that was his life. He was the one who started the hell that was his life. The one who made backs turn to him, backs that he had never seen before, backs that he had trusted during his whole life. Phil has more than once hoped someone would just take him out of his life forever, it has gotten to the point were he himself has dreamed about sinking his teeth-

No, Philip Michael Lester, calm down.

“So, friend, is there a reason why you decided to join the world for once?” Okay that was rude to say, but he’d gave it to him because he has thought worse things. Phil took a breath before answering, knowing that his answer would take that annoying smirk off his face.

“Mary Howell, who will probably soon change her last name,” That was way too bold even for Phil, but the face Mr. Brier made was worth it. His surprise was imminent, and Phil was thankful he didn’t know the truth. Little white lies don’t hurt anyone.

“O-oh? Is that so?” Mr. Brier asked, trying to mask his surprise, not succeeding much. Phil was about to declare victory when suddenly something clicked inside Mr. Brier mind and his expression changed to a smirk, Phil immediately frowned. What in the name of hell did he let slip? “Right… Interesting,” Phil head started to boil. What was interesting? This man wasn’t even hiding the fact that he was plotting against him.

“What could be so interes-“ Phil was about to bark when a hand touched his back.

“Philip Lester, what a surprise seeing you here.” Phil growing discomfort wasn’t going to back down if this continued the way it was. At least now he had a distraction from the awful man before him as Hector, an old friend of Phil interrupted the conversation. “I was just talking to Abraham and Judy over there, you know what, wait a second,” Before Phil could mutter a syllabi, the three mentioned men were walking towards him. Phil wasn’t sure if he was thankful or not.

You see, Phil wasn’t the most sociable person on earth, actually he was quite the introvert. But obviously, his role in the world couldn’t let him be like that, so when meeting new people he always had to be friendly and approachable (not counting Mr. Brier, Phil could be standing before him as he drowned in lava and he would still just stand there), but he still did have one or two friends, not that intimate, but friends nonetheless.

Hector, was his friend.

Abraham and Judy, who were they again?

“Philip! Long time no see!” Judy—Abraham?— said. Phil just nodded and tried to keep his thinking face at the minimum. The other man just looked at him and nodded slightly with a shy smile.

“Yes indeed but don’t flood him with questions or else he is going to hide in his cave once again.” Phil chuckled a little, glad for his friend remark that could maybe let him be some minutes without having to speak a word.

As conversation flowed Phil eyed the two gentlemen brought by Hector as they started with Mr. Brier and another two men that probably joined when Phil wasn’t paying attention. Both of them looked younger than him, in their early twenties or so. One of them- the one that didn’t talk to him before- had dark black hair, straight, not really fashionable— But who was Phil to judge?— his skin was noticeable more tanned than the rest and Phil was sure he wasn’t from England, his suspicion was confirmed while hearing his accent as he made a small remark, still Phil has never been good at those so he couldn’t tell. He noticed how he was mostly nodding at the conversation than actually speaking. Phil would just assume he was Judy, he had a ‘Judy’-ish face. Still, he had never seen him in his life, Phil was sure.

The other man, Phil could say that it was more probable he had met him before, Phil wasn’t good with faces-nor names- either way. He— Abraham, Phil designed— Had his dirty blond hair up in a type of quiff, still having some hair by his sides pulled back. He had clear skin covered with freckles and light brown eyes which from time to time would switch from the conversation to Judy.

To his side, was Hector, right as Phil remembered him. His smokey grey hair pushed back in a small ponytail. His eyes seemed darker behind his glasses, but they were still a unique shade of Ochre.

“A penny for your thoughts, Philip?” Hector said to him with a soft nudge to his side, startling Phil slightly. Phil noticed almost everyone was looking at him.

“I just couldn’t remember where had I met Judy before, I was trying to recall,”

“Oh you are right, I don’t think you have met Judy before,” Abraham— yes Phil got it correct thank god— said laying a hand on Judy shoulder, “He wasn’t here two years ago when we met” —so they have met, interesting— “He came from Thailand and has been here since the day at my house,” Judy blushed slightly as Abraham smiled looking at him, suddenly his expression changed slightly into a more panicked one “Well, no, My family’s house, not only mine of course!” Abraham nervously said and Judy just smiled with a bashful frown.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Mr. Lester. I’m glad I am finally able to meet you.” He said and Phil noticed this was the longest sentence he has spoken since he came here. “Hector and Abra think really highly of you.” Judy smiled, and Phil felt him smiling back. He noticed that Abraham blushed slightly and whispered something to Judy and the later just giggled. Hector had all the signs that he was holding back a comment that would probably be inappropriate in an instance like this.

“What brings you here anyways, Phil?” Hector asked after he swallowed the unsaid comment. Phil was just about to answer when a voice spoke for him.

“His future fiancé.” Mr. Brier said and Hector eyes widened as well as Phil’s. He felt his fists tightening and he was about to spit at him that it wasn’t true when he noticed that he couldn’t because he was the one that insinuated it before, so he just fulminated him with his stare as Hector did the same to him. Phil saw Mr. Brier smirk and noticed his mistake. This was exactly why he wanted to wait for Mary to be here before encountering people like Brier. Hector was about to ask something but Phil interrupted.

“Now, now. Don’t go telling the stories which you only know the title of.”

“What do you mean, Phil?” Hector asked

“I just insinuated my friend about the possibility of something and he is already taking it for a fact. I’ve just been seeing Mary Howell lately.” Phil said before sipping his glass, trying to avoid Hector widening eyes.

“Mary Howell as this Mary Howell?” Hector said pointing to the ground, probably meaning the Ball and Phil just nodded, lips still against the glass “Honestly, didn’t expect it coming from you.” Was that an insult? “What a surprise, Mary Howell.”

“What about Mary Howell?” said a new voice making Phil look up and suddenly—

—there just wasn’t air.

Out of nowhere there was a hand his his back, Phil didn’t notice when did he start choking on the champagne he was drinking, because in an instant beautiful and brown was everything in his sight.

“You alright there?” The same voice said as Phil stopped coughing. Was everything alright really? No.

“Yeah, sorry, caught me by surprise.” Phil answered without meeting those brown eyes with his now tearful ones. Dan just frowned slightly looking at the man before him, he looked familiar…

The thing was, Dan came here knowing that Phil Lester had black hair, and this men did, and blue eyes, but he couldn’t quite see as he was… avoiding his eyes?

“Well, this is just the man that intends to take her away, Philip Lester.” said person head immediately snapped towards the man that said it, not being really surprised when said man turned to be Aleister.

“Philip Lester, huh?” Phil noticed how the brown haired checked him out with his eyes before frowning. He didn’t know if to blush or be insulted because, was he looking down on him?

“Who is him, Abra?” Phil heard Judy whisper to Abraham and Phil sneaked closer to hear the answer.

“He is nothing more and nothing less than the hair of this whole property, Mr Daniel Howell,” Phil eyes widened but he did his best to hide it. Howell? Oh no, that was bad. Great first impression with the only member of the Howell Family that he had yet to meet.

All the while Dan looked towards Phil curiously. This was the man he had to hate? He felt an uneasy feeling in his gut, he didn’t look like a bad person at all, he wondered just how hard would all of this be. It was easy for him to dislike someone, all he had to do was find something they didn’t agree with and it would do, at least that’s what Dan hoped. When he disliked someone he never really thought much of the reason.

“So you are the one my cousin keeps talking about, huh?” Dan asked raising an eyebrow. Phil just chuckled once before answering.

“Well, I hope so,” Phil said before finally meeting his eyes for the first time.

An ocean, was the first thing that crossed Dan’s mind before quickly shrugging it off. Okay, he had nice eyes, he’d give him that, even thought it was an understatement. His family did mention he had ‘the most beautiful blue eyes’ but his imagination ran short with this. They truly were- Wait, what? You are supposed to hate the guy, not praise him, Daniel.

“I’ve also heard a big deal about you from Mary, I hope we get along,” Phil said with a kind smile and Dan almost felt bad for trying to hate him.

Almost.

“Yeah, wouldn’t you?” Dan murmured rudely, making Phil frown. What was wrong with him?

“So Mr. Howell, how is having to host such big celebrations four times a year?” Hector asked, clearly noticing the hostility in Dan’s answer and trying to change the subject.

Dan quickly looked at Hector and made a half-hearted smile.

“Well, it is indeed stressful, People running from room to room, everyone trying to be original with the decorations, but it’s mainly for my mother and sister, for me is not so much, after all I just help with the flow-“ Dan interrupted himself before he could finish. “—invitations, I sometimes help with the invitations.” He started again, raising some frowns among the men in the group, still, none said nothing.

“Yes I can imagine how stressful it could be, after all, how many hundreds of people attend every night?” One of the men that joined before said, probably an acquaintance of Mr. Brier said. Dan noticed how he was wearing a military suit, he was covered in medals and pins.

“Well, you’d know better than anyone how stressful is to deal with hundreds of people, William.” Mr. Brier chuckled making the other men confused.

“What do you mean, sir?” Abraham questioned.

“Oh! That is right! I haven’t introduced you already. This is William Merchant, head of the royal military,” Said man nodded his head with pride. “He has served our country for decades,”

“And I’ll continue to do so until my last breath.” Mr. Merchant continued proudly.

“I bet it’s an entertaining job, Mr. Merchant,” Hector remarked.

“Oh yes, stressful and full of important choices, but entertaining nonetheless.”

“Well, his job keeps giving me new headers so, everyone is happy,” Mr. Brier joked making the men in the group laugh. Dan couldn’t help but to notice that Phil chuckled bitterly more than laughed, and even though he was curious to know why he knew better than to ask. “I have to admit that before, news were far more interesting though, don’t you agree, Philip?”

“Hm? What do you mean?” Phil asked with a frown.

“Oh… maybe you were too young by the time that happened, but you William must remember, don’t you?”

“Yes I do, Aleister. Well, maybe it got more boring to you because you can’t announce it to the public, but for me it’s the same job, just more… secretly,” Willian said with a smirk before drinking his wine, confusing the rest of the group.

“What are you two talking about?” Phil asked them, not really liking the internal conversation they were having.

“It’s right, all of you, you are way too young. I don’t think they lived through those days,” William said to Mr. Brier. “Don’t you remember boys reading or being told about the old dark days, a period of maybe twenty or thirty years ago?” William continued, now in a lower tone Those days sure were black, I wasn’t head of the military yet, but my troupe gave me enough responsibility. I have never detained so many people at once, but we had a reason, after all this was no ordinary period, it was—“

“—the witch hunts.” Phil finished in a whisper, Dan eyes widened and his shoulders tensed, but he tried his best not to let it notice.

“W-witch hunts?” Dan asked trying not to let his nervousness show, not really succeeding.

“Oh yes, those days sure were glory, the satisfaction of executing those disgusting… things,” Dan tried his best to not visibly flinch at the way Mr. Merchant spat the word as if it were utter scum. “Now maybe it’s not the same but, it’s enough.”

“Pardon me, Sir, but didn’t the witch hunts end decades ago?” Hector, who seemed interested in the conversation asked, confused. Even though Dan wanted to do nothing with the conversation before him, he still leaned in to hear the answer. The two older men exchanged a smirk before leaning in.

“Between us, I’ll tell you a secret… In the record, they ended up with the execution of Janet Horne but do you think a whole species got extinct that day?” It did sound stupid once you pointed it out, “Of course it didn’t. Gentlemen, witches are still among us, and not only that, even more creatures. I’ve seen them all and there hasn’t been one of them that isn’t deadly. Werewolves, Fairies, Vampires,” Dan was so concentrated in his own discomfort, he didn’t notice the uneasy stares Judy threw at Abraham, nor the way Phil shuffled from one feet to the other while avoiding eye contact from all of the men in the group. “All of these creatures are still out, infecting more and more people, and gentlemen, let me assure you that are still people in the shadows getting their hands dirty. Which hunts are still on.” William finished with a proud expression and Dan felt sick. His hands started trembling slightly so he stuffed it into his suit pockets and tried breathing deeply trying to dissipate the knot in his gut.

“I wasn’t aware of it until William told me, but I must admit I always had the suspicion that those horrible entities were still among us. I was so relieved that they are getting what they deserve. How come they dare to breath the same air as us.” Mr. Brier added disgusted. “Just… Imagine them walking among us, normal people, those freaks infecting our lives, ruining them forever, just thinking about it makes me feel awfully repugnant!”

You know nothing.

“But don’t you worry gentlemen, as long as I am the chief of the military, I assure you I will fight to the death to bring justice and exterminate all this mistakes of the lord.”

Shut up.

If Dan weren’t fulminating the two older men with his glare he would of have already ran from the conversation. His heart was hammering again his cage, and he knew that he had to stop the anxiety before it started as hard as that could be.

“Don’t be so shy gentlemen, you are allowed to speak about this.” Mr. Brier continued, noticing the silence among the people there. Just as Henry was about to comment on it Mr. Brier interrupted. “What do you think of all of this, Philip?” Phil threw a dagger at him, of course he would make him speak. “Don’t you also think everyone should know that there are still people making justice in the world? That there are still people daring to clean the world from those plagues?” Dan stare, who had been focused on Mr. Brier quickly shifted to Phil, frowning deeply, daring him to say something about it. This was not helping with his growing anger at all. Phil just stood silent for a second, recollecting himself, knowing that it wouldn’t be the best to just spit to the damned of Alesteir and walk off. He didn’t want to say anything, he didn’t want to, he had to.

“Those…” Phil searched the best word “…Creatures, are getting what they deserve.” Phil finally said, trying not to sound too reluctant.

“Aren’t they?” Dan spoke for the first time in sometime making the men heads turn towards him. His glare was stuck in Phil, and the later almost felt as he was attacking him. Dan jaw was clenched as he spoke again. “Aren’t they getting what they deserve for… existing?” Phil frowned confused, why was he so… angry?

“Yes, yes they are.”

“Of course. After all they are infecting our lives ruining them just like Mr. Brier said before. They are utterly disgusting, they don’t need a chance. Better said; don’t deserve a chance, that’s what you are saying, isn’t it, Mr. Lester?” Phil just couldn’t understand were all of this was coming from, but he knew that all of this supernatural bashing was getting under his skin, but there was nothing he could do but to join unless he wanted to kill himself. Still, the growing annoy was there and if this Howell guy wasn’t holding back, why would he?

“Yes, that is indeed what I’m saying, Mr. Howell. Why would something that ruins life deserve anything at all?” Phil spat at him. None of them noticed when but suddenly they were closer to each other. One of them had to take the first step, but right now it wasn’t important who did it. Now they were centimeters away from each other’s face, that’s when Phil noticed he gained several inches on the younger men letting him look down on him.

“I think you are completely right, Mr. Lester.” Dan said, but with his eyes he meant otherwise, no that Phil was going to dwell too much in what could that mean, his frown only deepened as the brunette spoke again. “Those disgusting things are just the worst scum upon this world.”

“I strongly agree.”

“Nothing gets me more labored than thinking about them.”

“I could say the same.”

And from that it was just a glare competition, both of them were fulminating each other and even though none of them wanted to, one had to back off.

Dan felt his blood boil just remembering the words the black haired pronounced just some minutes ago, he didn’t know if they had actually been that bad or if this was just blending in with the new knowledge that now witch hunts were still a threat, but it still made him angry.

It made him angry to know people hated supernatural entities. It made him angry to hear people speak bad about them. It made him angry having to talk like that too. It made him angry not having power in this. It made him angry not being able to do something about it. It made him angry that Philip Lester hated those entities too. And that was exactly what he needed right now;

A reason to hate Philip Lester.

With that, before any of the men could say a word or try to separate the two men, Dan stormed out of the room and soon the black haired excused himself and went opposite of him.

Seconds after, Dan was already outside, locking the glass door behind him that lead to one of the deserted balconies, hands on the marble baluster, head down. Now that he was finally alone he let himself explode. In seconds his teeth turned into fangs, his iris turned red and his sclera pitch black and every sense of his heightened. Dan could of have noticed the owls cries in the distance, or the endless chatter inside the room as if he still were inside, but no, he was too concentrated on calming his erratic breath and the furious beating of his same as artificial heart.

He wanted to break something. How dare someone like Phil Lester, who had his whole life pitch perfect, speak about a ruined one? How dare he speak that way about supernatural people? He did too, he would admit, but he did it to defend himself, Philip Lester sure did not.

Dan closed his eyes and breathed, trying to take the man that was quickly invading his every thought off his mind., but it was just too difficult.

For some reason Mr. Brier mean words didn’t stick with him as much as Phil’s did, and even thought Dan wanted to know why, he was too afraid of finding the answer. Maybe Dan didn’t want him to hate entities, maybe Dan wanted him to be hard to hate. Maybe Dan wanted to like him.

No. Dan hated him, and was right to do so because Phil Lester was a men who didn’t know better than to judge before knowing. Right?

What other reason would have Philip Lester to speak so bad about them? And if Dan dared to consider the possibility, he would probably strike with the answer. Right now in the balcony opposite of the one Dan was standing on, stood Phil Lester in no better condition than Dan, wondering the same thing as him, questioning the same things as Dan with a distressed heart and an angry mind, both too bothered to actually dwell in the truth, just hearing the lies.

That’s how the first night of the winter ball ended; both saying words they didn’t mean, and lying about the things they really were, but at least there was one thing both knew was true; they absolutely despised each other guts to death. If only they knew that neither of them could actually die.

They were ignorant to it, but that didn’t change the fact that both of them carried the same curse. They both carried the burden to be those said disgusting creatures they both called things they regretted. Because if you haven’t caught up here goes the answer.

Yes, Dan Howell was a Vampire.

But little did he know that Phil Lester was too.

Next Chapter: The tension just raises as our both protagonists just can’t help but to run in each other, suitable spouses, lies and more lies cover the story and… are those my flowers?

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan #phan au #phandom #i got really inspired with this one #hope someone is still reading though #give me feedback it makes me feel better

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fortnitebattleroyalevbuckhack · 6 years

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Why Has 'Fortnite: Battle Royale' Gotten So Popular?

Until you have been surviving in a 1: 1 brick room the past few weeks, you know that Epic’s Fortnite: Battle Royale has taken over the world. The game has acquired players at an incredibly rapid pace, once an upstart rival to PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds, but now the student has become the master. Past that, more people are playing Fortnite than any other shooter on the market right now, from Call of Duty to CS: GO to Battlefield to Destiny. It’s an absolute monster.

But…why? Why this game? Why right now? How did this happen? I genuinely cannot think of another game that has blown up this quickly outside of 2016’s Pokémon GO, or perhaps PUBG itself in the early months. But Fortnite has taken things to a new level, and with an imminent mobile release, the sky’s the limit.

I do want to answer these questions however , as it’s important to try and make sense of how we got here. Why is Fortnite not just popular, but a world-eater the likes of which we haven’t seen in a long time? I think there are a number of reason that all combine into what Fortnite streamer/millionaire Ninja said to me in our interview yesterday, it’s just a “perfect storm. ”

The Storm:

Epic found itself in a unique position as it stood by and watched PUBG blow up before its eyes, using its own engine, Unreal. Fortnite had been developed as a build-focused defense game for a number of years (sources tell me the game has been in the works for almost a decade), but Epic’s flexibility allowed it to experiment with its own spin on a Battle Royale mode. Make a map full of destructible objects, use the shooting controls and building mechanics of the original Fortnite, and voila, you have your own BR title on the market just as the genre is really starting to heat up. This has upset PUBG to no end, but you can’t copyright a style, and Epic happened to be at the right place at the right time with the right engine to work with.

Get FREE V Buck -> Fortnite Battle Royale V-Buck Hack

It’s the greater visually attractive game

This might sound small, but I genuinely believe a huge part of Fortnite’s success is due to its cartoony, almost Pixar-ish aesthetic. Not really that PUBG is a terrible looking game, but it does blend in with a landscape of other realism-based shooters, where Fortnite plainly stands away. And because from the cartoony nature, Fortnite has already been able to go completely wacky with creative skin and even weapons like grenades that force you to dance in place. The aesthetic almost requires the gameplay, in a lot of ways, as the whole game relies around people quickly constructing systems and walls and ramps, which would appear absurd in any other name, however, not here.

The building aspect is something completely unique to the style

And the building aspect works, which is vital part of all of this. I can’t blame other shooters for not visualizing that building cover and high ground on the spot would be a core part of a fun gameplay experience, but Epic stumbled into something brilliant here because of what Fortnite was actually supposed to be, a building/defense title. It seems like this idea should have failed miserably, however the building really works, and for all PUBG’s issues about Fortnite BR duplicating them, the building aspect is something that really sets the two aside from one another.

Everybody else is miles behind

Beyond Fortnite and PUBG, no-one else even seems near to releasing a competitive Fight Royale game at this level, because no-one comprehended exactly how insanely popular this genre would become until some time ago. A few other titles may try to spin out BR modes as time goes on (I expect Call of Duty may try a smaller scale version of one this fall), but Fortnite has had months competing only with PUBG, which has helped both games grow rapidly. I’m hearing talk that powerhouses like Blizzard are “aware” of BR’s popularity and may be developing their own version, but how much time will Fortnite get to rule this roost? It seems poised to be the League of Legends of the BR genre, second to arrive, perhaps, but the ultimate champion able to take on all newcomers.

Epic using their own Unreal engine means more platforms, more patches, more improvements, more quickly

Part of the reason that Fortnite will be, and continues to become this type of success is due to the fact Epic is so damn fast when it comes to every aspect of the game’s advancement. Fortnite is not the most technically complex sport on earth to start with, but add the fact that Epic is working with their own engine, Unreal, and that results in incredible velocity in all areas. Fortnite got to consoles prior to PUBG, it’s getting to mobile before any present shooter, really. The game will be constantly patched and updated, where fixes and additions often take no more than a few days to make their way into a game, while Destiny 2 takes six months to fix a bugged quest icon. Epic’s speed is what’s helped drive Fortnite’s success, probably more than almost any other factor.

Twitch has anointed it king of the streaming mountain, and it’s fun to watch

Not that Twitch is the end-all, be-all of a game’s success, but it has been an immense popularity driver for Fortnite, both in terms of stream popularity, where the game has created all-time Twitch legends like Ninja (now earning almost $600, 000 a month from Twitch subscriptions alone), but also smartly doing deals with Twitch for Prime loot which got even more players playing and watching. I don’t watch many Twitch streams these days, as it’s just too time consuming, but even I’m getting sucked in to watching players far a lot more skilled than I perform Fortnite, as it’s a good absolute blast to view due to the amazing plays top-tier streamers are able in order to make. It’s a ideal streaming game, and that is helped it spread such as a virus the final couple months in specific.

It’s a shooter, yet not too violent with regard to younger players

Circling back again to the cartoony character of the game, it could be goofy, but it furthermore ensures that parents might have much less of a problem along with younger kids playing this. Yes, you’re shooting folks with weapons, but it is about as non-violent because a shooter can obtain, if that makes feeling, between the animation design, the absurdity (people within bear costumes hacking at astronauts with pickaxes) and a total lack of blood or gore. It’s why Fortnite has been embraced by a very young crowd similar to what we’ve seen with Overwatch, another shooter that somehow never feels very violent at all.

You can play any way, for any amount of time, and it’s accessible but with a high skill cap

Fortnite has something for everyone, for the most part. Matches are short and fast unless you’ve made it all the way to the very end, and it’s simple to drop within for a few when you want. The squad program lets you play single, having a friend, or along with a whole group, based on who’s around, and dating is an absolute air flow compared to most online games in the genre. It is also totally accessible in order to nearly every level of gamers. If you’re proficient at operating and hiding, you are able to most likely make it to the particular top 20 pretty very easily, a sense of achievement even when you’re not the killer. If you would like to be a Fortnite god, you can perform that too, and learning the map, building plus engagements is an extremely difficult prospect at the particular highest amount game. Yet every match feels…satisfying. In case you die immediately, a person can start over within an instant. In case you pass away in the middle, a person can feel great about at least outliving those first 20-40 suckers. If you die at the end, you might feel like you’re pretty damn good. The BR format is addicting and doesn’t drain you the way constant losses in other games do because you’re supposed to “lose” the vast majority of the time.

It’s free-to-play, and no one hates the microtransactions

And did I mention Fortnite is free? That may be the biggest reason for its popularity, as it’s a rare F2P title that doesn’t feel obnoxious when it asks you for money. Players can shell out $10 for a season-long battle pass that allows them to earn an enormous number of cosmetic items so long as they’re playing frequently. And if they can’t, they can purchase the items outright, simply no loot box randomization needed. A totally free game in this particular genre having a microtransaction program that doesn’t feel excessively greedy is really a rarity, plus outside of fun game play, this may be the particular biggest element in Fortnite’s achievement.

As you can observe I simply listed uh, 9 different, but important factors Fortnite is blowing upward such as this. It really will feel like an ideal surprise. If Epic dropped the particular ball in any one of these simple areas, or if the particular timing had been away in some other method, Fortnite might have been the flash in the skillet. Instead, this feels such as the following Pokémon GO. The particular next Minecraft, even. Plus it’s difficult to see exactly where the limit is for Fortnite, a game that seems like it’s just getting started.

#fortnite-battle-v-buck-hack #fortnite #fortnite battle royale #gaming #gamer #games #online games

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placetobenation · 7 years

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With such a large history to play with, discovering the beauty of Bob Backlund’s charisma or the connection of Bruno Sammartino to the MSG crowd was a new development throughout this project similar to rewatching The Godfather and On the Waterfront to rediscover the genius of Marlon Brando. WWE may not have always been YOUR promotion but for the better part of 50 years, it was THE promotion in the United States and transformed the pro wrestling landscape. This project serves to praise the individuals that best helped shape the vision of Vince McMahon Sr. and Jr. Place to be Nation is proud to present to you a ranking of the Greatest WWE Wrestlers Ever.

– Chad Campbell

Note: Results of this list are based on 118 ballots received between May and December 2017. Voters were asked to submit their list of the 100 Greatest WWE Wrestlers of all time and consider only their WWWF/WWF/WWE career. Ties were broken based on 1) number of ballots a wrestler appeared on and 2) high vote.

Every wrestler who received at least one vote will be recognized in the coming weeks. Please stay tuned to Place to Be Nation as we reveal all of the honorable mentions right through the cream of the crop. Read the other installments, both written and audio, of this project here.

39. Scott Hall Total Points: 6,149 Total Ballots: 112 Average Rank: 46.1 High Vote: 14 Low Vote: 94 High Voter: Andy Halleen

Nuance: Razor Ramon was with the WWF for four years, and his return as Scott Hall lasted only a few months, so his longevity is limited. He worked as both a heel and a babyface and was effective in both roles. He had limited tag team work, but did team with the 1-2-3 Kid on and off. Whatever the “It” factor is, Razor Ramon had it. The Bad Guy oozing machismo was cool, which was undeniable and something wrestlers generally either have or don’t.

Jump Up Moments: His upset loss to Kid was one of the biggest moments in the early years of Raw, and led to a nice story arc where he would feud with, team with and feud with Kid again. His biggest bouts were excellent ladder matches against Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania X and later SummerSlam 1995 over the IC Title. Ramon challenged Bret Hart for the WWF Title at Royal Rumble 1993 in a good match. He had a memorable feud with Goldust before leaving the company in 1996. Ramon was a four-time Intercontinental Champion.

Promos/Character: The Bad Guy was a fantastic character, colorful enough to fit in with the cartoon world of the early 90s WWF, but gritty enough and realistic enough to stand out. He was oozing machismo, dripping with gold (from his neck and often from the IC title) and a dead-eye shot when flicking his ever-present toothpick. Razor was introduced to WWF fans through a series of well-done vignettes, based on the Scarface character, where Ramon would talk encourage fans to “Look at me, mang” and see how he was about to take the WWF by storm. Razor was a good talker, but may have been hancuffed a bit by the gimmick when it comes to delivering his promos. Still, the character is one of the most memorable of its time (or any time really) and it’s impossible to picture anyone besides Scott Hall doing it effectively, even if the WWF tried that once.

Workrate: Razor was a good, solid worker, always capable of delivering a strong match. He was very athletic for a man of his size, threw good punches and had a cool, unique and effective finisher in the Razor’s Edge. Unless he was backdropped over the ropes trying to hit the move. Which happened every match, but we digress. Ramon could occasionally climb to higher heights as a worker, as he did in the two ladder matches with Michaels. He also had a tag team match teaming with Kid against Shawn Michaels and Diesel that was fantastic as well.

Staff Thoughts: The Bad Guy was one of the coolest characters the company ever did, mang! The vignettes, the gold chains, the toothpick, the accent, it was all very memorable, and undoubtedly led to countless eye injuries from errant toothhpick flips of fans trying to ooze machismo. His match with Kid on Raw was a great surprise moment and led to a cool story arc between the two characters. His ladder matches with Shawn are fantastic and were revolutionary at the time. We’ll just forget about the NWO run on his return, even though it did lead to a WrestleMania match with Steve Austin, shall we? You can hear JT and Aaron talk about the Bad Guy on this Making the Cut podcast.

From the Voters: “Memorable character who was good on the mic and in the ring. Threw the best punches in the history of the business. Ladder match with Shawn is an all timer. Liked his matches with Bret too at Royal Rumble and King of the Ring 93. Even his matches with Diesel were pretty good I thought. If not for personal issues he easily could’ve been World Champion, but still didn’t do too shabby as he was the IC Champ a lot. Only thing against him is longevity as his Razor run checked in at only a little under four years.” – Wade Ferrari, June 2, 2017

“Razor is someone that kept me interested during a down time in the WWF, he came in strong in late 92 and really had a great run through 1995 and pretty much owned the IC division his entire run. Worked well with Bret, Jarrett, all the Clique guys, and had some fun squash matches on those early Raws, probably a middle of the list guy for me.” – Sean Zern, June 9, 2017

“Razor seems like a good ‘short run’ candidate. He wasn’t around all that long, but I think he’s a very memorable character, I like him as a worker, he has some memorable moments (losing to Kid, ladder match), held the IC title 4 times when that meant something, and was very over once he turned babyface. I think he would have been accepted as world champ in 95. It’s a back end kind of resume, but I think he merits serious consideration.” – Andy Russell, July 19, 2017

38. Ultimate Warrior Total Points: 6,437 Total Ballots: 105 Average Rank: 39.7 High Vote: 8 Low Vote: 100 High Voter: Andy LaBar

Nuance: Ultimate Warrior and nuance go together like water and a grease fire. Warrior is pure, unbridled insanity. A man, no, myth from Parts Unknown who had one job – destroy in an Ultimate way, use his energy for great applause, to get in and out and be unbeatable. Warrior came in in 1987, and was gone in 1992, and the less we pretend to care about his 1996 run, the better. He was muscles, rope-shaking, and gorilla press slams. Warrior was a Rob Liefeld comic before such a thing existed, like no one before him nor after him. The problem is, when you create someone who is unbeatable, who is literally not of this world – you put yourself into a corner that is hard to come out of. His tag team runs were fun, if unmemorable.

Jump Up Moments: The Warrior lacked nuance because he was one jump-up moment after another. A candle that burned so bright, it went out entirely too quick. From the moment the guitar riffs of his music hit and Warrior ran out to the ring, shaking the ropes, spinning around, pointing at the sky, there are few things in wrestling more iconic from a imagery standpoint as that. He worked jobbers and squash matches for a year, before surprising the crowd at SummerSlam 88 by destroying the Honky Tonk Man and ending his lengthy IC title run. He wrestled Andre the Giant on SNME, Ted DiBiase in Tokyo, and he’s beaten Randy Savage, Rick Rude, Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan as well. He BEAT Hogan in an excellent main event at WrestleMania VI, was given the ball to run with and blew it. Lastly, as morbid as it is – the way that Warrior died is as much myth as anything, and seems to be the only way this BEING could go out. Returning to the company after two decades, being inducted into the Hall of Fame, showing up at WrestleMania XXX, giving a promo at Raw and then dying the next day – intense and unreal – just like his life.

Promos/Character: “DIG YOUR CLAWS INTO MY ORGANS! STRETCH INTO MY TENDONS! BURY YOUR ANCHORS INTO MY BONES FOR THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL!”

“NOW YOU MUST DEAL WITH THE CREATION OF ALL THE UNPLEASANTRIES IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AS I FEEL THE INJECTION FROM THE GODS ABOVE!”

“I WAS SENT IN A CAPSULE FROM A PLACE NOT FROM HERE AND I CAME HERE FOR ONE REASON: TO ATTACK AND KEEP COMIN’. NOT TO ASK, BUT JUST TO GIVE. NOT TO WANT, BUT JUST TO SEND.”

“NORMAL PEOPLE, PEOPLE THAT WALK THE STREETS EVERY DAY, WE CANNOT UNDERSTAND!”

Come on!

Workrate: Say what you will about the Ultimate Warrior as a technical wrestler – he had almost nothing in that category, but due to this energy, the Warrior was one of the best big match wrestlers of his era. So while one would be hard pressed to point to little things here and there that make the Warrior great inside the ring, his matches that are highly thought of are amongst the best of the early 90s in WWF. He has legit four-star matches with Rick Rude, Randy Savage and one of the biggest Main Event feel wars of all time with Hulk Hogan. Watching Warrior is like reconfiguring your definition and notions of what “workrate” is. He obviously has stinkers, but to the idea that he is one of the worst of all time is unfounded – he has some of the most memorable matches in company history.

Staff Thoughts: Yeah, I’ve gushed here. And I’ll get this out of the way here, even as the high voter on Warrior – he was a real piece of crap human outside of the ring (and perhaps even inside), but as laid out in the “Andy and Chad talk the GWWE” podcast, Warrior is the purest distillation of 80s and 90s excess – a character that was unlike any that came before (or that capitalized on all those that tried), and one that will forever be impossible to do again. Warrior came at the perfect time, lasted the perfect amount of time and will go down as one of the most memorable wrestlers in the history of wrestling. The facepaint, the tassles, the music, the promos. There is no humanity within the Ultimate Warrior – he is escapism, pure and simple and that’s something we could stand to value a little bit more in wrestling. Oh, and the match with Savage at WrestleMania VII is STILL the best story the company has ever told.

From the Voters: “Ol Jim was a sack of shit. I love warrior. I think his best matches are among the best in wwf/e history. I love his promos, his look, nostalgia or not. To this day, I get excited when Warrior is on tv. It’s the ultimate unreality, the ultimate distillation of what wwf tried and tried and tried. I expect to be the high man on Warrior.” – Andy LaBarr, November 3, 2017

“To me a prime example of what the WWF was best at in the late 80s and early 90s which was creating larger than life characters. He will go down in the lure as one of the more colorful people in WWE history. To me that has to be in consideration, I feel the in ring hurts his cause to be more of a threat but still should be on the list.” – Danny Louis Kuchler, June 7, 2017

“He is a top performer worthy of this list. Sure, his amphetamine-inspired promos were difficult to decipher as a child. To his credit, he worked his tail off to get his character over, which is what the WWF during the Federation years demanded.His in-ring style against enhancement wrestlers were difficult to watch, but when it was time to shine on major shows, he hardly disappointed. He got over every time. I was never a mark for the Ultimate Warrior, but he will have a strong showing on my list.” – Jeffrey Thomas, June 7, 2017

37. Randy Orton Total Points: 6,548 Total Ballots: 105 Average Rank: 38.6 High Vote: 9 Low Vote: 98 High Voter: Brad Faulk

Nuance: Randy Orton’s been around forever, debuting with the company in 2002, so he’s definitely got the longevity box checked. He’s worked as both a babyface and a heel, primarily as singles worker, but with notable tag team runs with Edge and the Wyatt Family, as well as being in stables like Evolution, the Legacy and the Authority. If you could create a prototype for a pro wrestler it would look like Randy Orton, but whatever the extra “It” factor that connects a wrestler to the audience seems to be at worst missing, or at best inconsistent, from Orton.

Jump Up Moments: Orton had strong early heel work, from his RNN updates when he was returning from his shoulder injury to joining Evolution, becoming The Legend Killer and winning the IC title. His feud with Mick Foley was a definite hit and their match at Backlash 2004 might still be Orton’s best. He became the youngest World Champion ever, defeating Chris Benoit in a very good match at SummerSlam 2004. He moved to SmackDown and feuded with the Undertaker having memorable matches at WrestleMania 21 and SummerSlam 2005, before teaming with his father to defeat the Deadman in a handicap match and then lock him in a coffin and set it on fire. They would then battle at Armageddon 2005 in a Hell in a Cell match. In 2006, he joined with Edge to form Rated RKO, feuding with D-Generation X and captured the World Tag Team Championship. Orton had a good triple-threat match for the WWE title with Triple H and John Cena at WrestleMania XXIV. Feuded with the McMahon family, punting Vince and Shane and RKO’ing Stephanie and then won the 2009 Royal Rumble to set up a match with Triple H for the title. In 2011, Orton had a great series of matches with Christian feuding over the World Heavyweight Title with matches at Capitol Punishment, Over the Limit, Money in the Bank, SummerSlam and matches on SmackDown, including a steel cage match in August. He then feuded with Mark Henry during his hot 2011 run. Orton won the 2013 Money in the Bank briefcase, which he cashed in on Daniel Bryan after he won the WWE Title, joining the Authority and serving as the foil to Bryan until WrestleMania XXX. He then joined forces with Batista and Triple H to reform Evolution to face The Shield at Extreme Rules and Payback 2014. Orton is a former IC Champion, World Tag Team Champion, SmackDown Tag Team Champion, Money in the Bank winner, two-time Royal Rumble winner, four-time World Heavyweight Champion and nine-time WWE Champion.

Promos/Character: The Legend Killing Apex Predator Viper really lacks in this category. These days all promos are scripted, but it’s really more evident than when Orton gives his often wooden performances. And Orton’s character work is that he hears voices in his head and is pretty much a douche (as a face, as well as a heel). He’s always seemed like he’s just missing a little something, just a step away from getting it with his character, but not quite getting there. And if anyone’s ever had a dumber, douchier pose we can’t think of them.

Workrate: Orton’s got all the tools to be a very good worker, and when he puts it all together he’s capable of some really great matches. The RKO OUTTA NOWHERE is a great finisher, and he’s countered shooting star presses, springboard dives, curb stomps and other moves for memorable finishes and nearfalls. He has a lot of other crisp and impactful offensive moves, like his powerslam, his draping DDT and the punt. However, his offense generally works best when he’s a babyface, but his character works best as a heel. Still, his resume of good to great matches is long and distinguished. His Backlash match with Foley in 2004 is great and the Evolution vs. Rock nN Sock at WrestleMania XX is a fun match too. Check out any of his 2011 matches with Christian, as that series is all great. He provided a good corporate heel foil for B+ Player Daniel Bryan to conquer on this road to WrestleMania XXX, and they had good matches along the way. The Shield vs. Evolution matches are great as well. While Orton’s highs are tremendously high, it should be noted he goes through lengthy periods where he seems to mail it in, and can also be guilty of dreck like his WrestleMania and House of Horrors matches with Bray Wyatt.

Staff Thoughts: It’s hard to imagine many wrestlers with more of a mixed bag than Orton. He’s got a lot of good to great stuff, some really bad stuff and A WHOLE LOTTA “just there” periods where he’s doing nothing interesting. His promos and character trend from awful to acceptable, and his Legend Killer and RNN updates were entertaining and may have been his promo highlights. Still, his resume is stellar and he has a lot of good to great matches and he’s just so ingrained into the WWE it’s impossible to imagine the company without him.

From the Voters: “I’m not his biggest fan, but it’s hard to ignore how important he has been to the company for the past 15 years. He is Cena #2. He’s in my upper tier, but the back half of that.” – Jason Sherman, June 2, 2017

“He is probably going to be in my Top 30. He was my favorite guy on the roster outside of HBK from 2007-2010. He’s always done great character work. I feel like he could have been higher if he didn’t have periods of time where he didn’t appear to be trying.” – Mike Eller, June 2, 2017

“I loved his early heel run, got bored with him during Rated RKO, got back into him in 07, then the HHH feud really killed it for me until that series with Christian which were incredible, so there is lot to weigh in on, he will be ranked but there is some rewatching that I have to do.” – Sean Zern, June 2, 2017

36. Goldust Total Points: 6,563 Total Ballots: 115 Average Rank: 43.9 High Vote: 10 Low Vote: 92 High Voter: Nikolaj; Good Ol’ Will From Texas

Nuance: Goldust has been with the company about 15 years, having been in and out of the company since 1996. He also appeared with his father Dusty Rhodes to take on Ted Dibiase and Virgil at Royal Rumble 1991. He’s been both a face and a heel and a singles as well as notable tag teams with Cody Rhodes and Booker T. Goldust is a master of little character touches and evolutions that makes him stand the test of time.

Jump Up Moments: Goldust had a memorable feud with Razor Ramon in 1995-96 due to his unwanted advances toward the Bad Guy. Razor ‘s suspension killed the feud abruptly and resulted in Roddy Piper subbing for him in the Backlot Brawl at WrestleMania XII, which was memorable and a decent brawl before nonsense took over. As a face he warred with Hunter Hearst-Helmsley and then had a really memorable feud with Brian Pillman following teaming with Steve Austin, Ken Shamrock and the Legion of Doom against the Hart Foundation in the all time classic main event of Canadian Stampede. Goldust later formed a fun team with Booker T and feuded with the UnAmericans winning the Tag Team Titles. His tag team run with half-brother Cody in 2013 was great and featured terrific matches against The Shield at Battleground 2013 and on Raw to win the tag titles. Goldust is a nine-time Hardcore Champion, a three-time IC Champion, a World Tag Team Champion and two-time WWE Tag Team Champion.

Promos/Character: The Goldust character was edgy and revolutionary when it debuted in 1995, as a movie quoting eccentric with a crush on Razor Ramon. That was quickly established to have been just playing mind games in order to avert any heat that may come their way for negative portrayal of a gay character. He would continue to be a face painting weirdo for most of the next two decades, which shouldn’t work, but Goldust made it happen. There had been effeminate characters in wrestling before, which were usually cheap heat magnets, but that wasn’t Goldust, he always had more depth. From his early vignettes quoting movies to his comedy work in his tag team with Booker, Goldust was always evolving. By the time he was teaming with Cody, the character was really more like “The Natural” Dustin Rhodes in the not so natural facepaint and ring attire of Goldust. This groundbreaking character work and evolution is a big part of what lands Goldust on this list.

Workrate: Goldust has some stellar work with his tag team with Cody and the matches from late 2013 are really great. He had a very good match with Randy Orton on Raw during the same timeframe. He’s enjoyed a late career renaissance that’s led to him having very good TV matches in recent years and being a consistently great worker and ring general. The early Goldust years featured a lot of stalling and “mind games” as he was transitioning from working as Dustin Rhodes to working as Goldust.

Staff Thoughts: One of the more revolutionary, edgy and certainly memorable characters in company history. He’s done great work as a weirdo character, as a comedy character and as a serious character, all as different shades of the Goldust character. He’s been a consistently entertaining part of the company for nearly 20 years, and can be counted on to deliver good matches whenever he’s called upon. You can hear JT and Aaron discuss him on Making the Cut and hear Good Ol’ Will profess his undying love on FYC for …deep inhale…Goldust… CHOMP.

From the Voters: “Listed probably somewhere in the 30s. A controversial adult-y character in still kid friendly 95 WWF. Had great feuds with Razor, Piper, and HHH. Reinvented himself with TAFKAG and the weird ass gear. Did it again tagging with Booker T and yet again with his brother.” – Dennis Nunez, May 29, 2017

“I’m surprised to see people giving him a pass for some of the awful boring matches he had in 96, but that said — I love this dude. The definition of buying into a character and making it work. He’ll be nowhere in the vicinity of my top 10, but I can see him being a top 50 guy on the basis of his work post-2002 and his overall character and promo work. A truly great pro wrestler.” – Greg Phillips, June 1, 2017

“Ok, he was assured a Top 20 spot for being possibly the greatest offensive wrestler ever in the fed, having a great singles feud with Val Venis, 2 legit great tag teams with multiple great matches, multiple runs in different eras constantly remaining over and even being a smart comedy figure. Been watching the Booker/Goldust tag stuff and they were pretty great. Raised Booker and Dustin on my list. Going through his New Generation stuff now.” – Good Ol’ Will from Texas, May 30, 2017

35. AJ Styles Total Points: 6,643 Total Ballots: 108 Average Rank: 39.5 High Vote: 9 Low Vote: 97 High Voter: Taylor Keahey

Nuance: Longevity is the knock on AJ Styles as he’s only had two years with the company. During this time he’s played both a babyface and a heel and has been effective in both roles. He’s been primarily a singles star, but had a brief tag team run with Chris Jericho. AJ Styles carries himself like a star and felt like a huge deal from the moment he debuted.

Jump Up Moments: The Phenomenal One debuted at the 2016 Royal Rumble to a huge pop, with the fans telling WWE they already thought this guy was a star. He went on to prove them right. After starting slow with a program with Chris Jericho lasting through WrestleMania 32, he went on a run of great matches to rival anyone in company history. AJ challenged Roman Reigns for his WWE World Title at Payback and Extreme Rules 2016 in awesome matches. He then attacked a returning John Cena, setting their feud up, defeating him at Money in the Bank and SummerSlam in many people’s 2016 WWE match of the year and one of the best SummerSlam matches ever. AJ then defeated Dean Ambrose for the WWE World title at Backlash, and successfully defended it against Ambrose and Cena at No Mercy in another stellar match. Styles first title reign came to an end when he lost to John Cena at Royal Rumble 2017 in another match of the year contender. At WrestleMania 33 he defeated Shane McMahon in a better than expected bout that he completely carried. He then had a good feud with Kevin Owens winning the US Championship twice in the process. At TLC 2017, he was a last-minute replacement for Bray Wyatt and had a good match against Finn Balor. Styles won his second WWE Championship by defeating Jinder Mahal on an episode of SmackDown in November in Manchester, England, becoming the first recognized World Champion crowned outside of North America. This was the first time a world title changed hands on SmackDown since 2003. He then challenged Brock Lesnar in a champion vs. champion match at Survivor Series that was great, before retaining his title against Mahal at Clash of Champions at the end of the voting period. Styles is a two-time WWE Champion and a two-time United States Champion.

Promos/Character: The “Face That Runs the Place” has played a compelling character as both a face and a heel during his short time with the company. Unlike so many stars of the day, the fans have been invested in Styles his entire run, always caring about whatever he’s doing. He has cut good promos since coming to the WWE, something that was a weakness at times prior to his arrival.

Workrate: AJ Styles’ in-ring work is sensational, incredible, terrific, unbelievable and yes, phenomenal. During his short period of time, he’s had a string of classic matches that wrestlers who spent more than a decade in WWE can’t touch. His feud with Reigns produced great bouts. His feud with Cena produced multiple MOTYC across two years and those matches are on the short list of best matches ever on both SummerSlam and the Royal Rumble. His match against Lesnar at Survivor Series was great and the match against Mahal at Clash is probably Mahal’s best match ever. Styles has done all this while having almost no down periods or bad matches.

Staff Thoughts: Your mileage on AJ Styles likely depends on how you value output compared to longevity. Yes, he’s only been with the company for two years, but during that time he has made his case with meaningful feuds and classic matches, nearly all being near the main event level. If you just look at the matches and moments he’s had, they rival plenty of wrestlers with a far longer tenure. You can see AJ gaining momentum with voters in the Facebook comments, as the initial talk was his rookie year with the company might earn him a spot low on the list. But as he just kept producing, more and more voters shot him up the rankings, as he likely benefited more than anyone else for his work during the voting period. Styles was the highlight of nearly every show he was on, and it’s hard to imagine WWE without him during the past two years. You can hear the guys talk about the Phenomenal One on this FYC podcast.

From the Voters: “Think he’s light years ahead of any other guy who has started in the most recent era apart from perhaps Reigns (and I still think he’s comfortably ahead of him). He will make my top 50. Probably not top 25. His run is short but the body of work is still there as he’s in a work heavy era. Amount of shows & PPVs means he’s probably had as many televised matches as guys from bygone eras who had 5-8 year careers. He currently has only 1 PPV appearence less than Warrior and 1 more than Piper, for example.” – James Derbyshire, July 12, 2017

“By the time this list is submitted and compiled we’ll likely be looking at 2 full years of AJ as a WWE performer. Guys like Rick Rude are getting merit and he only had three years is look over. So yeah, AJ is going on the list. He might not have a huge body of work to be in the top 30, but he’s kinda my 50 right now with room to move up.” – David Mann, July 12, 2017

“Since the Jericho feud, one could argue he hasn’t had any ppv singles matches that clocked in below 4 stars. He was main eventing by his fourth ppv, pinning Cena clean his 6th month in, won the WWE title on his 8th month with the company, and then had the best straight run of ppv matches since maybe Triple H in 2000. He’s killing it, and by December, he’ll be 2 years in. Some would argue he was in WWE’s best match in 2016, and right now, he’s probably half of the leading candidates (with the same opponent) in 2017. If he left tomorrow, he would be remembered for years, and at this moment, I think he’s already had more ppv main events than Daniel Bryan did. Like Steve Williams said, longevity is his enemy, so while I’d argue he’s not top 30 or 40, I’d also argue he definitely has a place on the list.” – James Proffitt, May 31, 2017

34. Christian Total Points: 6,646 Total Ballots: 112 Average Rank: 41.7 High Vote: 8 Low Vote: 95 High Voter: David Carli

Nuance: Christian had a seven year run with the company from 1998 to 2005, and another four years upon his return in 2009, giving him more than a decade on his resume, so he checks the box for longevity. He played both a face and a heel, and had singles runs as well as notable tag teams with Edge, Chris Jericho and Lance Storm. Christian had a number of intangibles from acting ability to facial expressions that ensured he always got over with the fans in a way that often exceeded his push.

Jump Up Moments: Christian won the Light Heavyweight Title in his debut match and joined forces with Edge and Gangrel as the Brood. He really took off when he formed his tag team with “brother” Edge, having a great three-way feud with the Hardy Boyz and Dudley Boyz that featured legendary classic ladder and TLC matches at No Mercy 1999, WrestleMania 2000, SummerSlam 2000 and WrestleMania X7. The team with Edge also gave us great backstage comedy segments with Kurt Angle and Mick Foley and in-ring poses “for the benefit of those with flash photography.” He feuded with Edge over the Intercontinental Title when the team split, trading the title back and forth. Christian would later form the UnAmericans stable with Lance Storm and Test, winning the WWE Tag Team Titles while feuding with Booker T and Goldust. Christian then formed a tag team with Chris Jericho that competed in a very good four-team TLC match on Raw and later won the WWE Tag Team Titles. He would then bet Jericho $1 (Canadian) that he could win the affections of Lita before Jericho could win the hand of Trish Stratus. The angle saw great character work from all involved and culminated in a very good match at WrestleMania XX between the two former friends where Trish morphed into Hot Evil Trish and joined Christian. He competed in the first Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania 21, before beginning a feud with John Cena claiming Cena was a poser and that Christian was a better rapper. The two had a triple-threat match along with Jericho for Cena’s WWE title at Vengeance 2005. Christian then left the company until 2009, winning the ECW title quickly upon his return. He was the veteran steadying force on ECW having good-to-great matches with Jack Swagger, Yoshi Tatsu, Tommy Dreamer, Zack Ryder, William Regal, Shelton Benjamin and others on a weekly basis through 2009, before finally losing the title on the last episode of ECW. Christian won the World Heavyweight Championship from Alberto Del Rio at Extreme Rules 2011 and embarked on a classic feud with Randy Orton over the belt. The two had outstanding matches over the title through August. Christian would feud with Del Rio over the World Title again in 2013 and the two had a very tremendous match at the loaded SummerSlam 2013 card. He would also turn in a solid performance at the Elimination Chamber match in 2014. Christian is a former Light Heavyweight Champion, Hardcore Champion and European Champion, a four-time IC Champion, nine time Tag Team Champion, two-time ECW Champion and two-time World Champion.

Promos/Character: CHRISTIAN! CHRISTIAN! AT LAST HE’S ON HIS OWN! And despite the very good character work he did with Edge, when he was on his own he really got to show his character and promo chops (and that badass rock opera theme song). Captain Charisma was such a good talker that he was given his own interview segment “The Peep Show” to speak to all his fans. He was able to tweak and evolve his character over time, being able to play comedy better than almost anyone on the roster, but still be considered a serious challenger for mid-card titles and eventually the World Title. The character work during the angle with Jericho, Trish and Lita was top-notch from all involved and Christian more than held his own, earning his $1 Canadian. He made the feud with Cena into something legit with his promos, getting cheered in the process, and getting himself over, likely more than the company ever intended.

Workrate: Captain Charisma had good to great matches up and down the card throughout his entire WWE career. The ladder and TLC matches he had when he teamed with Edge are great trainwreck wars. His feud with Jericho and their match at WrestleMania XX is a bit of a hidden gem, often overlooked. He did great work in the mid-card for the IC title and in the tag division in 2002-2005 before the brief feud with Cena and his departure. When he returned he carried anyone with two legs to very good matches during his run with ECW. Then some of the best matches of his career (and likely Orton’s) came in 2011 at Over the Limit, Capitol Punishment, SummerSlam and a cage match on the 8/30 episode of SmackDown. He also had a very great match with Del Rio at SummerSlam 2013 that gets lost on that all time card. Christian had very good matches week in and week out and was known for being an elite TV worker. The only weakness in his game came when he started using the spear as his finisher as a tribute to Edge, despite it looking silly for a man his size to do and it kept him from using the much cooler Unprettier/KillSwitch to close out matches.

Staff Thoughts: Damn, Christian has a lot of great stuff on his resume. And the only blemish we can find is that Steve Austin was leaving Christian a voicemail when he came up with the “What?” nonsense that plagues us to this day. But we won’t hold that against Captain Charisma. He could do it all from talking and character work to bringing the goods in tags, mid-card and main event feuds. The voters have spoken and clearly they are among the Peeps that Christian catered to during his long and distinguished WWF/E career. To hear what Aaron George and Ben Morse had to say about Christian check out this podblast.

From the Voters: “I don’t know about top 15 but I would be surprised if Christian is out of my top 25. The guy has a lot of quality stuff and ranks high on most of the NJPW structure. I think he also has some real memorable feuds given his placement on the card. Like the Jericho vs Christian stuff was only around 3rd most important thing on just Raw in 2004 and it is still really memorable stuff.” – Chad Campbell, May 28, 2017

“The back half of his run is really good when he came back. The feud with him and Randy Orton was huge part of Smackdown in the Summer of 2011. Also i enjoyed his runs as ECW Champion after his return. Can’t leave out his first run of course with Edge as Tag Champs and feud with Chris Jericho in 2004. Going back and watching some of early 2004 on The Network that feud was a huge part of RAW before and Post WM 20. Check out the Cage Match they had on May 10th if nobody has seen it in a while, its very good.” – Jay Hinchey, May 28, 2017

“The man had good to great matches on a weekly basis during his run as ECW Champion, including matches with people like Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder, Tommy Dreamer, and Shelton Benjamin that are highlights of their respective careers. After years of WWE searching for a veteran presence who could provide stability to the ECW brand, Christian held it down. Later he got good matches out of the likes of Brodus Clay, Alberto Del Rio, and Randy Orton, a cumulative achievement that might as well make him a miracle worker. And that’s not even considering his tag run.” – Glenn W. Butler, May 28, 2017

33. Sgt. Slaughter Total Points: 6,784 Total Ballots: 109 Average Rank: 38.8 High Vote: 10 Low Vote: 94 High Voter: Kelly Nelson; Kevin E. Pittack

Nuance: Sgt. Slaughter had about a six-year tenure with the WWF as an active competitor over three runs from 1980 to 1992. He showed the ability to play both a babyface and a heel on multiple occasions and was over with the fans regardless of his role. He worked primarily as a singles wrestler but was able to work tags when asked.

Jump Up Moments: Sarge entered the company as a hated heel, immediately becoming one of the top challengers for Bob Backlund in 1980-81, with the two having a series of great matches. Slaughter was one of the only stars of the day that Backlund didn’t defeated at MSG during this run. He then went on to feud with Pat Patterson after calling him “yellow” and doubling the payout if Patterson could break his cobra clutch. When Patterson accepted and was breaking the hold, Sarge released it and beat down Patterson, resulting in a hot feud and the famous Alley Fight at MSG on April 21, 1981, which is a fantastic match. Slaughter returned to the company in 1983, beating Backlund with his riding crop to reignite their feud, and the two had another series of very good matches. In 1984, Sarge turned babyface to defend America’s honor from no-good foreign heel the Iron Sheik. The two had an incredibly intense bloody feud, culminating in the famous Boot Camp match at MSG that’s must-see for any wrestling fan. Slaughter would return to the WWF in the fall of 1990 as an Iraqi sympathizer and win the WWF World title from the Ultimate Warrior at the 1991 Royal Rumble. He would lose the title to Hulk Hogan at the main event of WrestleMania VII in a really good match. Slaughter would lose a three-on-two handicap match to Hogan and Ultimate Warrior at SummerSlam 1991 before turning babyface until retiring from active competition in 1992. He would be named commissioner in 1997 and feud with D-Generation X having a Boot Camp match with Triple H at the D-Generation X PPV.

Promos/Character:Listen here, maggots, Sarge could get his point across in any promo he wanted to, as a heel or face. During his initial heel run he was paired with the Grand Wizard, but still did plenty of his own talking, including calling Patterson yellow to kick off their feud with the cobra clutch challenge. After his face turn he was able to bang the drum and wave the flag for the ol’ US of A adding even more heat to the Iron Sheik feud. Slaughter claims he was never comfortable with the Iraqi sympathizer angle (and many feel it was a bit in poor taste) but he added fuel to the fire calling US troops soft and claiming he supported Iraq because they were violent and he liked violence. The angle was effective getting heel heat for Slaughter and he took to wearing a bulletproof vest when he went out in public. The drill sergeant character resonated and made a good natural heel before being easily transitioned into a patriotic babyface. The character worked so well, it landed Sarge a spot as a G.I. Joe character, having his own action figure and appearing in their cartoon and animated movies.

Workrate: Sarge was an incredible worker during his 1980s stints, with the Alley Fight with Patterson and the Boot Camp match with the Iron Sheik being among the best WWF matches of the decade. Slaughter brought an intensity and violence to these brawls that’s second to none. He also had very good matches with Backlund in both 1981 and 1983, bringing the intensity to all their matches as well. Even in 1991, he was able to have good matches with Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior at a time when that wasn’t always the case. Regardless of his opponent or the time of his run, Slaughter was a top-notch worker, and anytime he stepped through the ropes you knew he was going to deliver.

Staff Thoughts: Slaughter was a revelation for many voters, according to Facebook posts, and that alone makes this project as success, because Sarge is fucking awesome. The cobra clutch challenge! The Alley Fight with Patterson! The Boot Camp Match! Beating Backlund to within an inch of his life with a riding crop! It was all awesome. Add in the late career Iraqi sympathizer angle and title run and Sarge was an easy addition to the top portion of the list. You can hear the guys talk more about Slaughter in this FYC podcast.

From the Voters: “The Backlund/Slaughter series at the Spectrum in I think 83 were really good. Slaughter makes my list, it’s just a matter of where. The boot camp match with Iron Sheik is one of my favorite matches.” – Matt Souza, June 2, 2017

“Sarge is very likely going to be top 20, and may even crack the top 10. Insanely entertaining in all his forms.” – Kevin E. Pittack, December 10, 2017

“Some awesome wars with Pat, Sheik and Hogan at the Garden.His 90-91 heel run was very risky with what was going on in the world, but was the perfect guy for the role.” – Jason Greenhouse, June 3, 2017

32. Jeff Hardy Total Points: 6,879 Total Ballots: 112 Average Rank: 39.6 High Vote: 13 Low Vote: 99 High Voter: Henry Rivers

Nuance: Jeff Hardy has put in nearly a decade over three separate runs, with the latest his current run, and he also sporadically appeared as a jobber for the company prior to 1998. Other than a brief stint as the New Brood, he’s never worked heel, spending his WWF/E career as popular babyface. He’s had a successful singles run in the mid-card and main event and is one half of one of the greatest tag teams in company history with his brother Matt.

Jump Up Moments: The Hardy Boyz team had great matches with Edge & Christian in a ladder match at No Mercy 1999 to burst onto the scene. They would then have an extended three-way feud with the Dudley Boyz and Edge & Christian, tearing the house down in ladder and TLC matches at WrestleMania 2000, SummerSlam 2000 and WrestleMania X7. Jeff stood out as the star of those matches with his daredevil aerial moves off the ladders. In 2001, Jeff received his first singles success, winning the Intercontinental title from Triple H, as well as the Light Heavyweight and Hardcore Title throughout the year. Hardy would make the Hardcore Title matter again with his matches against Rob Van Dam and the Undertaker during this timeframe. In 2002, Jeff challenged the Undertaker for the Undisputed title in a ladder match on Raw in a very good match. Upon his return from a four-year absence from WWE, Jeff defeated Johnny Nitro for the IC title and the two traded the belt back and forth while Hardy reunited the tag team with his brother. They competed in a four-way ladder match at Armageddon 2006 in the match where Joey Mercury took a ladder off the face, igniting their feud with MNM. Their matches with MNM at Royal Rumble and No Way Out 2007 are some of the best non-gimmick tag matches put on by the WWE. Hardy competed in the Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania 23 driving himself and Edge through a ladder in another daring aerial maneuver. Jeff began a feud with Umaga over the IC title winning it for a fourth time and starting his push toward the main event. He would team with and challenge Triple H during the last part of 2007, with Hardy winning a match to become number one contender at Armageddon 2007. He hit Randy Orton with a Swanton Bomb from the top of the Raw set in anticipation of their match at Royal Rumble 2008. Hardy was drafted to SmackDown in summer 2008 and was a regular challenger for the WWE Championship. He was scheduled to be in the title match at Survivor Series 2008, before being “attacked in his hotel” and being removed from the match. He would win the WWE Championship from Edge in a three-way also involving Triple H at Armageddon 2008. He would lose the title the next month when brother Matt turned on him, igniting their feud from WrestleMania to Backlash. Jeff then won the World Heavyweight title from Edge in a ladder match at Extreme Rules, but CM Punk cashed in his Money in the Bank briefcase and starting a great feud. Hardy and Punk had a series of very good matches at The Bash, Night of Champions, SummerSlam and the August 28, 2009 episode of SmackDown, which saw Hardy lose a cage match resulting in him leaving the WWE. He returned with Matt at WrestleMania 33, winning the Raw Tag Team titles and the two have had good matches with The Bar. Jeff is a six-time WWF/World Tag Team Champion, a WCW Tag Team Champion, Raw Tag Team Champion, Light Heavyweight Champion, European Champion, three-time Hardcore Champion, four-time IC Champion, WWE Champion and two-time World Champion.

Promos/Character: The Charismatic Enigma can’t cut a promo. Let’s be honest here, he may have shown improvement, but it was going from possibly the worst promo by someone who speaks a language similar to English to merely bad. His painted face era talking about E-MADGE-EYE-NATION or whatever it was left quite a few of us wondering if he was mid hallucination or we were. Still, despite that, the character was OVER. Fuck was he over. And he did have a unique character of, let’s say artistic free spirit, which matches nicely with his daredevil ring work. From Team Xtreme to the World Champion, he was always unique and you could always hear the little girls squeal whenever he took his shirt off, for whatever that’s worth.

Workrate: It was a mixed bag for Jeff as at his worst he could be sloppy and reckless and at times his matches lacked direction. Oh, but at his best he was great. He always worked the high flying reckless style and it served him well in ladder matches and TLCs of the day. But he refined his style to keep all the highspot hits while having very good match structure around them with Triple H, Edge and Punk. Add that to the tag team resume that includes the triangle ladders and TLCs and MNM feud, as well as his mid-card matches with RVD and Umaga and you’ve got a really impressive body of work.

Staff Thoughts: Good Ol’ JR might say Jeff’s goofier than a pet coon, but that uniqueness certainly resonated with a portion of the audience. Even the fans that didn’t wear cut-up pantyhose on their arms appreciated Jeff for risking his life by jumping off the highest thing he could find for our entertainment. He was also a master of generating sympathy from the crowd through his selling (and possibly legitimately nearly dying many matches as well). His athleticism was undeniable and his matches were always exciting. He built a helluva resume of good to great matches in the singles and tag ranks and connected as a character by overcoming his struggles and flaws to grab the proverbial brass ring. All of that lands the Charismatic Enigma in a prominent spot on our list.

From the Voters: “Top 100 for sure just don’t know where exactly. Very unique individual and very over whether it be with one of the greatest teams of all time with Matt or by himself as the WWE champion. A daredevil, he stole the show in the TLC matches and had two great Monday night Raw matches one against the Undertaker in a ladder match and another against HHH both I believe were around 2002 2003.” – Eric Boyd, May 30, 2017

“A legit draw on top with two distinct runs with the company. And now starting a third. His ’08-’09 saw the culmination of his World title quest and he finished strong with the Punk feud. Has serious tag AND singles credentials here too.” – Brad Warren, May 30, 2017

“Possibly top 50. While he was never as versatile or as good a character as his brother, he was undoubtedly the bigger star and could connect with the crowd like few others could. At his peak, he was rivaling John Cena in terms of star power and merchandise selling. And as short-lived as his main event run was (primarily due to his own demons), his ascent to the WWE Championship and feud with Punk were top-notch stories. Not to mention he is arguably the king of the “car crash” spottiest.” – Greg Rossbach, July 7, 2017

31. Batista Total Points: 6,977 Total Ballots: 112 Average Rank: 38.7 High Vote: 11 Low Vote: 98 High Voter: Sean

Nuance: Batista had an eight-year run with the company after his debut and had another run in 2013-14, mainly feuding with Daniel Bryan and the Shield. Batista has played a babyface and a heel and been effective in both roles. He’s been largely a singles wrestler, but had notable tag teams with Ric Flair and Rey Mysterio, so he has shown flexibility. Batista was a master of facial expressions and body language, which was a critical component to him breaking out as a star from Evolution. He’s always carried himself as a star.

Jump Up Moments: After spending a brief period of time as the Deacon to Reverend D-Von, Batista joined Evolution, winning the World Tag Team Titles with Ric Flair. The WrestleMania XX match with Evolution against the Rock ‘N’ Sock Connection is a sneaky fun match. Batista began showing more character, often rolling his eyes in the background while Triple H cut promos on behalf of Evolution. The Animal then won the 2005 Royal Rumble and decided to challenge Triple H for his World Heavyweight Championship, winning the gold at WrestleMania 21. He continued feuding with Triple H, culminating with a great Hell in a Cell match at Vengeance 2005 and becoming the first person to pin The Game inside the Cell. He teamed with Rey Mysterio winning the WWE Tag Team Titles in a good feud with MNM. Batista had a very good match with Undertaker at WrestleMania 23, and the two continued feuding through much of 2007. He faced Umaga at WrestleMania XXIV and then feuded with Shawn Michaels after HBK retired Ric Flair. Batista won the World Tag Team Titles with John Cena to further their feud, which culminated in a really good match at SummerSlam 2008. In 2009, Batista teamed with Rey Mysterio to unsuccessfully challenge JeriShow for the Unified Tag Team titles, and later turned on Mysterio after a Fatal Four-Way for the World Heavyweight Title. Batista destroyed Rey, which led to a feud throughout 2009. Batista renewed his feud with Cena in 2010, with good matches at WrestleMania XXVI, Extreme Rules and Over the Limit. Batista returned to the company in 2014 winning the Royal Rumble. He would go on to lose his shot at the WWE World Championship in an exciting three-way match with Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton at WrestleMania XXX. He eventually joined forces with Orton and Triple H reforming Evolution and having great six-man tag matches against The Shield at Extreme Rules and Payback 2014. Batista is a former WWE Tag Team Champion, three-time World Tag Team Champion, two-time WWE Champion and four-time World Heavyweight Champion.

Promos/Character: Batista has always done great character work, getting over by conveying he didn’t buy what Triple H was selling in Evolution through his facial expressions while standing in the background. One of his most iconic moments is giving Triple H and Flair the thumbs down before signing his contract to challenge Triple H at WrestleMania 21. And his turn on Rey yelling “You were supposed to be my friend!” is one of the best turns of recent memory. Batista always came off as a natural and it’s no coincidence he has found success in Hollywood post-WWE, as he was one of the best actors in the company. His promos were always believable, usually as a cool guy in contrast to the screaming manic style of others. He played a believable douchebag heel in his feud against Cena, and he deserves credit for recognizing a negative fan reaction in 2014, and embracing it by becoming an effective heel.

Workrate: Batista was hit or miss in the ring depending on whether he had chemistry with his opponent. When he does, The Animal can have classics and he provides good power offense. His HIAC match with Triple H in 2005 is great, and he always had good battles with the Undertaker, particularly their WrestleMania 23 match. His run with Cena in 2009-10 had lot of very good matches. The six-man tags against The Shield in 2014 were great as well.

Staff Thoughts: Batista has a sneaky good resume, providing excellent character work during his entire run, more very good main events than you might expect and almost no bad stuff. He’s one of the best actors in the company and he behaves like you’d expect a normal human to behave, rather than ranting and raving like a lunatic. But when he has a reason, he can come unhinged, like when he turned on Mysterio. His matches with Taker and Cena are top-level main events and his latest return saw him doing solid heel work to put over Daniel Bryan and then join with Evolution to have a very good feud with The Shield. He always came across like a big star and carried himself like a big deal. You can hear what the guys had to say about Batista on this FYC podcast.

From the Voters: “I thought he still turned into a huge star, and he kind of walked away at a time when he was having his hottest run in the company. He still had a great 5 year run, and i thought he had a fun run his last time back. I’m thinking he’s going to be a top 20-25 guy for me.” – Sean Zern, May 28, 2017

“I could end up having him very high. I hated Evolution too, but he was the best guy in it. Got over huge in 05 and actually drew big and had very good matches with boring, top of the card failure, HHH. Loved his tag stuff. Undertaker match at Mania is outstanding. Farewell feud with Cena was incredible. Comeback was excellent. Turned into a tremendous promo over time. Was over as a face, but was excellent as a heel. He lacks the longevity and blowaway impact I want out of a top tier guy, but I could easily see myself rating him ahead of some major names. Might make my top 25.” – Dylan Hales, June 7, 2017

“He was around a lot longer than it seems, and I was starting to weigh up his good and bad periods but like, what are the bad periods? 2006. MAYBE 2009 before he went to SD. But like the rest…he was good in Evolution. Good in 2005 breaking out. Good in 2007. Good in 2008 before the injury. Good in 2009/10 as a heel. And even in 2014 he was fine once he turned heel. He feels like a hot and cold candidate but really, he was good for a lot longer than he wasn’t.” – Stacey O’Loughlin, June 7, 2017

30. Greg Valentine Total Points: 7,085 Total Ballots: 105 Average Rank: 33.7 High Vote: 3 Low Vote: 93 High Voter: Pete Schirmacher

Nuance: Greg Valentine had about a decade run with the company, appearing first in late 1978, and having a long uninterrupted stretch from 1984 to 1992. He was also one of Shawn Michaels’ Knights at Survivor Series 1993 and appeared in the 1994 Royal Rumble. The Hammer aplayed a heel for the bulk of his career, but had a babyface run from late 1990 to the 1992 Royal Rumble. He was a singles star with a successful tag team run with Brutus Beefcake and another tag team run with Honky Tonk Man.

Jump Up Moments: Valentine came to the WWF in late 1978 and would soon break Chief Jay Strongbow’s leg, giving him the aura of a badass with no remorse. He was managed by the Grand Wizard during this time and would face Bob Backlund for the WWF Championship in a great one-hour draw at Madison Square Garden in February 1979. The Hammer returned in 1981, again challenging Backlund, with the title being held up when a dazed referee accidentally handed Valentine the belt. He would face Backlund in a great steel cage match at the Philadelphia Spectrum in February 1982, before moving on to feuding with Pedro Morales over the Intercontinental title, injuring him by suplexing him on the floor. Valentine left the company until 1984 when he returned for good, winning the IC title from Tito Santana on September 24, 1984. Valentine then put Santana in the figure-four leglock, further injuring the leg Valentine worked all match and igniting the red-hot feud between the two. Valentine defended the IC title against the Junkyard Dog at the first WrestleMania, losing by countout when he took a walk. Hammer then resumed his classic feud with Santana in many very good matches culminating in the classic cage bout where Santana regained the IC title on July 6, 1985 in Baltimore. Valentine was enraged and destroyed the belt after losing his IC title after a 285-day reign. Valentine then formed The Dream Team with Brutus Beefcake and won the WWF Tag Team Championship from the US Express on August 24, 1985. The Dream Team would have excellent matches with The British Bulldogs, Santana and Ricky Steamboat (4/21/85, Toronto Maple Leaf Gardens) and the Killer Bees, before losing the titles to the Bulldogs in a classic match at WrestleMania 2. The Dream Team may still be suffering from the effects of the Nightmare at the Rosemont Horizon, if Gorilla Monsoon is to be believed, but they did challenge the Bulldogs for the titles in a series of cage matches during the summer of 1986. The Dream Team then moved on to feuding with the Fabulous Rougeaus, culminating in a win at WrestleMania III that saw Beefcake turfed from the team. Valentine did his best to carry Dino Bravo in the New Dream Team, but the Hammer is only a mortal man, and some people can’t be carried. In 1988, Valentine began a feud with Don Muraco that included putting his manager Superstar Billy Graham in the figure four leglock, despite Graham having an artificial hip and walking with a cane, but the feud was dropped when Muraco was fired. Hammer then went on to feud with Ronnie Garvin, defeating him in a retirement match, but asking he be reinstated after Garvin insulted Valentine as ring announcer at SummerSlam 1989. The feud continued until Garvin won a very good submission match at the 1990 Royal Rumble, countering Valentine’s Heartbreaker shin guard used to put more pressure on his figure four, with his own Hammer Jammer shin guard. Valentine then formed the Rhythm & Blues tag team with the Honky Tonk Man, before turning babyface losing to Earthquake at WrestleMania VII and Irwin R. Schyster at SummerSlam 1991 and appearing in the 1992 Royal Rumble match.

Promos/Character: Valentine was not the best promo, and was always paired with a manager, going from The Grand Wizard to Capt. Lou Albano to Luscious Johnny V to Jimmy Hart. Hammer played a no-nonsense character who would kick-ass, take names and break legs. At this writing it’s still unknown whether he was the motivation for the classic album “Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em” by MC Hammer. Other than being an asskicker, there wasn’t a lot of character depth for Valentine, which likely limited his upward mobility on this list.

Workrate: Some voters would tell you that Valentine is THE BEST worker in WWF/E history, and he is certainly on the short list of contenders. His matches against Backlund for the title are among the greatest matches of that era. The Valentine/Santana feud is one of the greatest angles of the 1980s and the cage match to settle the feud is particularly memorable. The Dream Team is an underrated tag team with classics against the British Bulldogs and Santana & Steamboat, and our hot take is that Beefcake was NOT the workhorse of that team. Valentine went on to have another excellent feud with Ronnie Garvin late in his career to round out his case. Hammer always worked hard often forcing other wrestlers to keep up, making every match good at worst. You’ll almost never see a bad Valentine match, as he always did the little things and knew how to structure a match to get the crowd engaged. He knew how to bring hard-hitting offense and still sell and show ass as a heel. Few wrestlers had his consistency nor his high-end classic matches.

Staff Thoughts: Valentine gets in on the strength of his classic matches with Backlund, the all-timer feud with Santana, the Dream Team run and the late career feud with Garvin. That’s a diverse resume, from the hour-long draw with Backlund in 1979 to his Garvin match at Royal Rumble 1990. No doubt, it was a long and distinguished career for the man who reached middle-age at 21 and then never aged a day since. Along the way he had classic tag team bouts and can console himself with the fact that he made Beefcake part of a good tag team, as he continues to struggle to recover from the Nightmare at the Rosemont Horizon. Add it all together and Valentine has a strong resume as an all-time great worker than hit with voters placing him high on our list.

From the Voters: “I think you can honestly make a case for Valentine as the greatest WWF worker of all time. Backlund’s best opponent, four insanely amazing matches (dont sleep on their 84 match). The Tito feud. Dream Team, Oh My God, the Dream Team! US Express, Bulldogs and a Can-Am Match all great. His solo runs through 90 were great. Garvin feud was awesome as were his matches with Blue Blazer and a reprise of the Tito feud in 88. What did he so well was he took all these WWF wrestlers out of their comfort zone. He forced people to work hard and react organically. He was selfless, but he wasnt going to let you coast. He reminds of Regal in that respect. When you watch a Valentine match in the WWF setting it is like nothing else on a WWF card.” – Martin Boulevard, May 29, 2017

“Oh for sure. Probably got the best matches out of one of the greatest champions in the company (Backlund). Had an epic IC title run. Did the best he could with some nonsense later in his career. I got nothing but time for Valentine. He would for sure be on the list.” – Matthew Richards, May 30, 2017

“He’s a top 20 contender in this thing. Feud with Tito is legendary. Hell of a tag guy. Carried those scrubs Brutus and Bravo for two years. Feud with Garvin is a hidden gem from 89-90. ”- Jason Greenhouse, May 29, 2017

29. Ricky Steamboat Total Points: 7,218 Total Ballots: 114 Average Rank: 37.7 High Vote: 6 Low Vote: 88 High Voter: Vince Male

Nuance: The nuance category isn’t kind to the Dragon, as he had only about a five-year run with the company from 1985-88 and a brief stint in 1991.Ricky Steamboat was the consummate white meat babyface, having never worked heel. He’s primarily been a singles worker in WWF but has some very good tag matches teaming with other babyfaces, like Tito Santana and Hulk Hogan.

Jump Up Moments: Steamboat defeated Matt Borne at the first WrestleMania before entering into a feud with Mr. Fuji and Don Muraco, where the heels hung him with his karate black belt, before battling on two Saturday Night’s Main Events. He defeated Hercules at WrestleMania 2, before moving on to his feud with Jake “The Snake” Roberts. The feud began when Roberts attacked Steamboat before their match on the May 3, 1986 SNME, giving Steamboat the DDT on the floor. The Dragon beat the Snake in a Snake Pit match at the Big Event in Toronto and later on the October 1986 SNME in a Snake Pit rematch. Steamboat then challenged Randy Savage for the Intercontinental Title, losing by countout on November 22, 1986, only for Savage to continue his attack injuring Steamboat’s larynx by coming off the top rope with the ring bell. He returned at SNME in January 1987 saving George Steele from an attack with the ring bell by Savage. This two would have several matches, including a great one at Maple Leaf Gardens from February 1987 before meeting at WrestleMania III. That match is an instant classic, beloved by a generation of fans, as it had an epic feeling that was the first of its kind since the Hulkamania era began. Steamboat would then drop his IC title to the Honky Tonk Man in a shocking upset on the June 13, 1987 edition of Superstars. He lost in the first round of the WrestleMania IV tournament to Greg Valentine, robbing us of a rematch with Savage. Steamboat then left the company until 1991 when he returned in a dragon costume breathing fire (literally) where he was undefeated on TV and teamed with Kerry Von Erich and Davey Boy Smith to defeat Warlord, Hercules and Paul Roma at SummerSlam 1991, before again leaving the company. In 2009, Steamboat took part in an angle with Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka taking on Chris Jericho, who was running down the legends. Steamboat appeared in-ring for the first time in nearly 15 years teaming with Piper and Snuka against Jericho at WrestleMania XXV, and the Steamboat/Jericho portions were shockingly good. He had a strong singles match with Jericho at Backlash 2009.

Promos/Character: Perhaps Steamboat’s best promo work came when he was trying to speak again after Savage’s attack injured his throat. Otherwise, Dragon wasn’t much of a promo guy, doing his talking in the ring. He played a great white meat babyface, but that was due more to his in-ring character work than his out of the ring work. The less said about the fire-breathing dragon costume era, the better.

Workrate: Ricky Steamboat is an all-time great worker, with nearly every match being good and his best being classics. The WrestleMania III match stands out as an all-timer and, while you may debate it’s star ranking, for many young fans, it was a match unlike any they’d seen before. It’s undeniable how influential that match was, with its multiple near-falls (though some may count this as a negative due to how persistent this would become). Steamboat played one of the best underdog babyfaces of all-time, giving greater credence to matches during his feuds with Savage, Roberts and others. He didn’t often have tag team matches, but did team with Tito Santana to challenge the Dream Team in an excellent match on 4/25/1985 at the Maple Leaf Gardens. He also had a great match with Savage in 1986 at the Boston Gardens that is on the Macho Madness DVD.

Staff Thoughts: His run was short, but my God was it memorable. Ricky Steamboat represented the ultimate underdog babyface to a generation of fans who started watching WWF in the mid-1980s. For young fans who weren’t watching the Iron Sheik/Sgt. Slaughter feud or the Santana/Valentine feud, the WrestleMania III match showed that there could be more to wrestling than lumbering giants and Hulk up comebacks. Add that iconic, influential match to his feud with Roberts and his other work with Savage and his shocking loss to the Honky Tonk Man, and voters definitely remembered to Enter the Dragon on their ballots. You can hear the guys talk about Steamboat on this FYC podcast.

From the Voters: “One of the best white meat babyfaces ever. It was a smart move never even hinting at a heel turn for him, would’ve been a disaster. Steamboat was a good guy personified. Savage feud was amazing, but I enjoyed the Muraco feud even more. My only issue was his very short IC title run. I know he had asked for time off to be with his family, but it was such a disappointment to see such a small reign after such a great chase. That, combined with his best work being in WCW, makes me have him ranked lower than most other people will.” – Tim Tetreault, June 2, 2017

“Naturally. All time greatest babyface that never had a run with the WWF Title. Best arm drag in the business period, even to this day. His work in the 80s speaks for itself. And I truly almost cried when he showed up at Wrestlemania 25. The guy still had it.” – Michael Schoen, June 2, 2017

“Not enough time to be way up the list, but Jake and Savage feuds were good and memorable. His comeback was short but fun. I saw him go 25 mins with Drew Mac on a 2009 house show and it was great. Will make it, but not enough meat to be top tier.” – Dylan Hales, June 16, 2017

28. Tito Santana Total Points: 7,335 Total Ballots: 111 Average Rank: 35 High Vote: 5 Low Vote: 97 High Voter: Dean Coles

Nuance: Tito Santana appeared in the WWF in 1979 and 1980 before returning to the company in 1982 for a 10-year run, so he has longevity covered. Santana has always played a babyface, but has had both a successful singles run as well as tag team success with Ivan Putski and Rick Martel.

Jump Up Moments: In 1979, he teamed with Ivan Putski to defeat Johnny and Jerry Valiant for the WWF Tag Team Championship, before losing them to the Wild Samoans in 1980. Tito returned to the WWF for good in 1982 and began feuding with Don Muraco over the Intercontinental Title in 1983. During this same timeframe he would challenge the Iron Sheik for the WWF Championship at the Philadelphia Spectrum battling to a double-DQ in one of the Sheik’s only title defenses. After a lengthy feud, Sanatana captured the IC title on February 11, 1984. “Chico” would then start an epic feud with Greg Valentine over the IC title, losing it to The Hammer in September 1984 and being injured by Valentine shortly afterwards. Santana began using Valentine’s figure-four leglock and appeared in the opening match of the first WrestleMania making The Executioner submit. Santana and Valentine would continue their feud in a series of no-DQ, lumberjack and other matches in singles and tags. The feud finally ended in a great cage match on July 6, 1985, and is considered one of the best in-ring feuds in WWF history, and likely the best of the 1980s. “Chico” would defend the title until losing to Randy Savage in February 8, 1986 when crooked referee Danny Davis failed to notice Savage using a foreign object. He would challenge Savage in a series of rematches, all of which are quite good. Tito teamed with JYD to take on Terry and Hoss Funk in a very good match at WrestleMania 2. At WrestleMania III, Santana teamed with the British Bulldogs to challenge the Hart Foundation and aforementioned crooked ref Danny Davis. Tito would then join forces with Rick Martel as a team that strikes with force… called Strike Force. Strike Force would have a great series of matches with The Islanders, and then go on to defeat the Hart Foundation for the WWF Tag Team Championship, holding the belts for five months. At WrestleMania IV, Demolition would end Strike Force’s reign in another good match. Strike Force split during a match with the Brain Busters at WrestleMania V when Martel walked out on Santana. Tito would feud with Martel for the remainder of 1989 with the two being on opposing teams at SummerSlam and Survivor Series 1989, and Santana defeated Martel in the finals of the 1989 King of the Ring tournament. Santana made it to the finals of the IC title tournament in 1990, losing to Mr. Perfect. Their SNME title rematch was of the top WWF bouts of the year. He was the sole survivor for his team at the 1990 Survivor Series and he lost to the Mountie at WrestleMania VII. He would then adopt the El Matador gimmick and wrestle Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania VIII and Papa Shango in a dark match at WrestleMania IX, making him the only performer other than Hulk Hogan to appear in the first nine WrestleManias. Santana is a two-time WWF Tag Team Champion, a two-time IC Champion and the 1989 King of the Ring.

Promos/Character: Tito was not a good promo. His two most memorable promos were probably the one with Martle naming their tag team because they strike with force or Tito screaming “Lord” at Lord Alfred Hayes after Valentine injured his knee. Both of those would be memorable more for unintentional comedy than anything else. His character work is a bit flat, though he does play the best matador to grace the squared circle we have ever seen.

Workrate: Santana is another wrestler with a strong case for being one of the best babyface workers in WWF history. His feud with Valentine may be the best feud of the 1980s and one of the best in-ring feuds of all-time. Strike Force was a great tag team with excellent matches against the Islanders and good feuds with Demolition, the Brain Busters and other teams of the day. Tito worked great as an underdog, as he’s an excellent seller and shows great fire when fighting from underneath. Tito was always able to capture fan’s attention and support, doing most of his character work in-ring.

Staff Thoughts: Tito Santana is one of the all-time great in-ring workers in the WWF. He’s had a prominent role in the transition into the Rock ‘n’ Wrestling era, holding down the workrate portion of the company with his stellar feud with Valentine,while also appealing to the kids WWF was targeting (he was a character of Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling cartoon). Tito is the only wrestler not named Hulk Hogan to appear at the first nine WrestleManias, which speaks to the faith the company had in “Chico.” The feud with Valentine and tag work with Strike Force provides his top-end stuff, but Tito was also a very consistent worker and you’d be hard-pressed to find a bad Tito Santana match. To hear the guys talk about Tito check out this FYC podcast.

From the Voters: “Tito is a guy who as a kid i never really appreciated however going back and watching some of his stuff great worker a guy who was a stalwart of the mid card. Great matches with Greg Valentine, Randy Savage and others. I need to see a lot more including more matches with him and Valentine but he would be on my list.” – Mike Poulin, June 4, 2017

“Tito, might make it into my top 20. At first when I think of the guy I’m like “yeah sure, he’ll be in there somewhere.” But I forget that I missed a lot of his key feuds and matches. He was really the workhorse of the company from 84-86. He was adapt as a singles and tag guy. And he was always over with the crowds. Here’s a guy that I wish the Network would spotlight with a Collection because you know he has a bunch of gems, 10-15 minute clinics that go unheralded.” – David Mann, June 5, 2017

“If this were just based on ring work, he’d be very high. One of the best pro wrestlers of his era. Unfortunately he had nothing in the way of promos or great character work. He was extremely versatile in singles and tag work, but never got a heel run, which would have been interesting. He gave Curt Hennig his best match in the WWF that didn’t involve Bret Hart. Tito’s a lock, just not sure where. Probably somewhere past 50.” – Greg Phillips, June 8, 2017

27. Jake Roberts Total Points: 7,464 Total Ballots: 111 Average Rank: 33.8 High Vote: 6 Low Vote: 76 High Voter: Taylor Keahey

Nuance: Jake “The Snake” Roberts had a six-year run with the company from 1986 to 1992 supplemented with his return in 1996 into 1997 and brief appearances in 2005 and 2014. He played both a heel and a babyface, showing great flexibility, though primarily as a singles wrestler. If there’s anyone who could give a nuanced performance, it’s Jake the Snake, as his psychology, character, body language and tone were second to none.

Jump Up Moments: Roberts debuted in March of 1986 and defeated George Wells at WrestleMania 2 making him foam from the mouth when he wrapped Damien around his head. The first of his many great feuds began at the May 1986 Saturday Night’s Main Event when he DDT’d Ricky Steamboat on the floor and laid his snake on The Dragon. The two would have Snake Pit matches at the Big Event and the October 1986 SNME. Jake would get an interview segment called the Snake Pit at this time. He also was getting cheered and would be turned face by the fans. Jake officially turned when the Honky Tonk Man attacked him during an episode of the Snake Pit, legitimately injuring his neck with a guitar shot. This led to their match at WrestleMania III which saw Alice Cooper accompany Jake to the ring where he shockingly lost to HTM. Roberts would challenge Honky for the IC title throughout much of 1987. In 1988, Jake began feuding with “Ravishing” Rick Rude, who inadvertently selected Jake’s wife Cheryl as the lucky winner of his post-match celebratory kiss, though Cheryl refused and slapped Rude. This led to Rude airbrushing images of Cheryl on his tights, sending Jake into a rage. Jake appeared on the winning team at Survivor Series 1988 opposite Rude and other members of the Heenan Family, including Andre the Giant, who he also feuded with. On the March 1989 SNME Jake came out to assist Brutus Beefcake in his match against Rick Rude, using Damien to scare Andre (who was assisting Rude) into a “heart attack”, starting their feud. Andre won most of the house show circuit matches, but Jake won their WrestleMania V match by DQ when Andre attacked guest referee Big John Studd. The Snake then moved on to a feud with “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase after DiBiase attacked Roberts following a match with Virgil. Jake returned from injury to steal the Million Dollar Belt and dared DiBiase or Virgil to reach into Damien’s sack to retrieve the belt. Roberts took on The Million Dollar Man at WrestleMania VI, losing via countout, but giving away DiBiase’s money afterwards. Roberts feuded with Rick Martel in 1990-91, after The Model sprayed Arrogance in Jake’s eyes blinding him. This hot angle culminated in a blindfold match at WrestleMania VII, in an interesting match for crowd participation, which ended when Jake located Martel and planted him with the DDT. He would then feud with Earthquake after the big man squashed Damien and served Quakeburgers to Lord Alfred Hayes. This caused Jake to introduce a new snake Lucifer, who was Damien’s big brother. In 1991, Jake was helping train Ultimate Warrior in the dark ways to prepare him for his feud with the Undertaker, locking him in a casket, burying him alive and having him walk through a room of live snakes, only to be bitten by a cobra, revealing that Snake, Taker and Paul Bearer had been working together all along. Warrior was fired before the scheduled series of matches took place. During the wedding reception for Randy Savage and Elizabeth, Jake and the Undertaker gave them a live cobra as a gift, starting his feud with Savage, where he later goaded him to the ring and had a cobra bite his arm. The two would feud into 1992 battling at This Tuesday in Texas and on SNME. Jake was poised to hit whoever came through the door next, Savage or Elizabeth, before being stopped by the Undertaker, leading to their feud. This led to Jake demanding answers on The Funeral Parlor and DDT’ing Bearer before trapping Undertaker’s hand in a casket and hitting him repeatedly with a chair. This led to a match between the two at WrestleMania VIII. Jake would leave the company until 1996 when he returned with his born-again Christian gimmick. He advanced to the finals of the 1996 King of the Ring losing to Steve Austin and being the motivation for Austin cutting the Austin 3:16 promo.

Promos/Character: Jake “The Snake” Roberts has to be on ANYONE’S short list of the best promos in WWF history. He was a stark departure from the manic screaming of the main eventers of the day, and Jake would talk slowly and silently staring a hole through your soul and talking about dark matters. He would tell you to “Never Trust a Snake”, and he certainly played that character to a T. His feuds were some of the best of the time, if not all-time, because he played that dark character and cut promos with a scary psychology not seen before and never done as well since. He’s a hugely memorable character and is remembered with mixtures of fondness and fear by fans of the era.

Workrate: Jake was a capable worker, but his blow-off matches never lived up to the hype of his feuds. Most of the matches weren’t that memorable, even when the feuds are. He had great in-ring psychology and the DDT is one of the coolest finishers of all-time, but workrate is a bit of a weakness for the Snake.

Staff Thoughts: There’s never been anyone like Jake the Snake, with his deep, dark promos and psychology. He just got it and connected with the crowd on a whole other level, whether as a babyface or a heel. His feuds were always some of the best of the time and as a promo there’s no one better. The slow, quiet delivery and that stare just made everything he said that much creepier. For someone who never won a WWF Title, could he possibly be more memorable? That list of feuds is incredible, showing he was always busy, never just killing time during his WWF run. The lack of memorable matches likely hampered Jake’s placement on the list, and if not for his personal demons, there’s no telling how high he may have climbed. Still, his character work feuds and promos alone struck a chord with voters for sure. You can hear Good Ol’ Will and the guys talk about Jake the Snake on this FYC podcast.

From the Voters: “No doubt. Mind, promos, matches with big time feuds..steamboat, honkey, rude, Martel, dibiase, warrior, savage. One of the best heels of all times!” – Shawn Kidd, May 30, 2017

“Hard to imagine any fan of the federation era not including him on their list. Pretty much epitomizes the era and probably an easy top 25 choice for me. A lot of guys get hyped up for their psychology and mind for the business. Jake lives up to that hype. Best worker ever? No, but I was compelled with every feud he was ever in from Steamboat in 86 to undertaker in 92.” – Brian Meyer, May 30, 2017

“I’ve been rewatching his DVD set lately and gaining even more appreciation for him. The master of the little things. His matches rarely drag because he’s always doing something. Great at elevating feuds to the next level; had great ones with Steamboat, Rude, Martel, and Savage. He may not have had a lot of great matches, but he also had very few bad ones. Superb as both a face and a heel. One of the best promos of all-time.” – Ben Morse, June 7, 2017

26. Ted DiBiase Total Points: 7,518 Total Ballots: 112 Average Rank: 33.9 High Vote: 7 Low Vote: 84 High Voter: D. Macgregor

Nuance: Ted DiBiase worked eight years as an in-ring competitor for the company, including a babyface cup of coffee in 1979, and his main run from 1987-1993, before transitioning to a managerial role in 1994. He had a babyface run in 1979, but is best known for his heel work as The Million Dollar Man. He had both a singles run and a tag run teaming with Irwin R. Schyster as Money, Inc.

Jump Up Moments: DiBiase’s 1979 run was significant for a feud with Pat Patterson where he lost the North American Title, leading Patterson to unify that title with the South American Title in that good ol’ tournament in Rio de Janerio. He was also Hulk Hogan’s first opponent in Madison Square Garden during this time. Upon his return in 1987 as the Million Dollar Man, he attempted to buy the WWF Championship from Hulk Hogan, who told him he’d have to win it in the ring. DiBiase attempted to do this unsuccessfully before recruiting Andre the Giant to win the title for him. This led to the Hulk Hogan/Andre the Giant match on the Main Event on Feb. 5, 1988, where Andre “won” the title and presented it to DiBiase, before WWF officials discovered the wrong Hebner counted the pin, leading to the title being vacated and a tournament to crown a new champion at WrestleMania IV. DiBiase would advance to the finals of the tournament losing to Randy Savage, and continuing to feud with him at house shows where the matches would be better than their WrestleMania IV main event. DiBiase would team with Andre the Giant to take on Hogan and Savage in the main event of the first SummerSlam in a very good match. He would then win the 1988 King of the Ring. He purchased Hercules’ contract from Bobby Heenan with thoughts of making him his slave, but Hercules turned face proclaiming he was a man and feuded with DiBiase. In 1989, he would create the Million Dollar Belt and feud with Jake ”The Snake” Roberts over the belt, as well as continuing his feud with Hogan by aligning with Zeus. As punishment for buying #30 in the 1989 Royal Rumble, DiBiase was forced to take #1 in the 1990 Rumble, lasting over 45 minutes, a record at the time. Roberts returned from injury stealing the Million Dollar Belt and putting it in Damien’s sack, leading to a match at WrestleMania VI where DiBiase won by count out. At SummerSlam 1990, DiBiase bought the services of Sapphire leading to crackerjack detective Jim Duggan looking for her and DiBiase feuding with Dusty Rhodes through the beginning of 1991. DiBiase captained a Survivor Series team in 1990 with the debuting Undertaker being the surprise team member. At the 1991 Royal Rumble, DiBiase and Virgil defeated Dusty and Dustin Rhodes, and DiBiase ordered Virgil to put the Million Dollar Belt around his waist but The King of Meat Sauce instead hit him with the belt. At WrestleMania VII, DiBiase lost via count out to Virgil, and would lose the Million Dollar Belt to Virgil at SummerSlam 1991 to a huge pop. In 1992, DiBiase would team with Irwin R. Schyster to form Money, Inc. The team won the WWF Tag Team Titles from the Legion of Doom in February 1992 and defended the titles against the Natural Disasters at WrestleMania VIII and eventually lost the them to the Disasters over the summer. They would regain the titles and feud with the Nasty Boys. DiBiase faced the returning Brutus Beefcake on an early episode of Raw, smashing his face with a briefcase causing Jimmy Hart to turn on Money, Inc. and Beefcake’s friend Hogan to challenge the team to a match at WrestleMania IX, where Money, Inc. retained their titles by DQ. The team would then feud with the Steiner Brothers, trading the tag team titles back and forth. His last match for the WWF was against Razor Ramon at SummerSlam 1993. He would take on a managerial role as head of the Million Dollar Corporation from 1994 to 1996. DiBiase was the inaugural North American Heavyweight Champion, a King of the Ring and three-time WWF Tag Team Champion.

Promos/Character: The Million Dollar Man is one of the most memorable and colorful characters in WWF history. From the vignettes announcing his arrival to his in-arena skits challenging fans to bounce basketballs or perform demeaning tasks for money, it was clear that “Everybody had a price and everyone’s going to pay” for the Million Dollar Man. DiBiase played the part perfectly, from his trademark evil laugh to his suits with dollar signs and his custom made Million Dollar Championship. DiBiase was a great talker, always able to add to his feuds and make them seem important. Plus, it was such a hateable character, his matches often had unreal heat.

Workrate: DiBiase was a technically sound wrestler and everything he did looked good in the ring, but he lacks the memorable top-notch matches to put him over the top. The 1979 babyface matches with Pat Patterson are very good. His house show matches with Savage are good, not great. His feud with Virgil was very hot and the SummerSlam match where Virgil wins the Million Dollar Belt was a memorable moment after a strong match. The Money, Inc. tag team run featured mostly forgettable matches. Overall, his in-ring results are a bit underwhelming, particularly for someone like DiBiase, who we know to be talented from his work elsewhere.

Staff Thoughts: The Million Dollar Man is one of the top characters that the WWF has ever had. He was involved in so many memorable moments. His feuds with Hercules and Virgil were fun, as was him purchasing Sapphire and feuding with Dusty and Dustin. He was in the main event of WrestleMania IV in the finals of the tournament and later faced Hogan for the tag titles at WrestleMania IX, so he had his WrestleMania moments. The memorable matches were few and far between, which limits his place on the list somewhat. Money, Inc. was a top team at a time when the tag team scene was dreck, for whatever that’s worth. You can hear the guys talk about DiBiase on this FYC podcast.

From the Voters: “As a character, he could be Top Ten. Unfortunately, he has no classic matches in the WWF. I enjoy some of his matches but there are so many guys with better matches on the list. Maybe his 10 minute challenge against Dustin in 1990 or the Mania match against Macho Man. Couldn’t stand the Money Inc tag team overall. On the plus side, so many memorable moments and angles. He makes the list but I don’t have him very high.” – Good Ol’ Will from Texas, June 3, 2017

“The definition of not needing a title to get over. I know they did the Hogan/Andre thing where DiBiase sort of had the belt for a bit, but it just seems like he should’ve been the main man at that time and had a run with the title. Such a great, believable heel with the mat skills to back up the talk. Definitely in the Top 50 for me.” – Mike Andrews, June 8, 2017

“Difficult guy for me to rank, partly because of the categories. He has so many “jump up” moments, but almost no “jump up” matches, even though many are good. I think particularly to his work with Bret. Yet his work was always crisp, he always had the crowd engaged and was always over as a heel. I think he’ll end up placing higher than some might think.” – Greg Phillips, June 8, 2017

25. Mr. Perfect Total Points: 7,569 Total Ballots: 116 Average Rank: 35.8 High Vote: 5 Low Vote: 87 High Voter: Scott Herrin

Nuance: Mr. Perfect was a character in the WWF for about a nine-year stretch, though he missed a couple of years of that time due to injury. He also spent some time in the early 1980s teaming up with Eddie Gilbert. Mr. Perfect spent time as a heel and a babyface, with the bulk of his time in singles work.

Jump Up Moments: Mr. Perfect debuted with perhaps the best series of vignettes the company ever did, showing Perfect performing a variety of sporting events, well, perfectly. While Tom Brady can’t throw and catch the ball himself, according to his wife, Mr. Perfect showed he could in these vignettes. He was one of the survivors at the 1989 Survivor Series and was undefeated on TV for over a year. Perfect helped The Genius defeat Hulk Hogan via count out on Saturday Night’s Main Event, kick-starting a feud between Perfect and Hogan, where they wrestled at live events and Perfect defeated Hogan via DQ in a match televised from MSG. Mr. Perfect was the runner-up in the 1990 Royal Rumble. He suffered his first pinfall loss on TV to Intercontinental Champion Ultimate Warrior on an MSG Network special. He also lost to Brutus Beefcake at WrestleMania VI. Perfect lost to Hogan in a good match on SNME April 28, 1990. Perfect won the tournament for the vacated IC title and successfully defended the title against Tito Santana on SNME in a great match before dropping the title to Texas Tornado at SummerSlam 1990. He captained the Perfect Team in a losing effort at Survivor Series 1990 and then regained the IC title from Tornado. He then retained the IC title against Big Boss Man at WrestleMania VII. Perfect then suffered injuries and lost the IC title to Bret Hart in an excellent match at SummerSlam 1991. He spent the next year as Ric Flair’s executive consultant, forming a power team with Flair and Bobby Heenan. Perfect eventually turned on Flair joining Randy Savage for a tag team match against Flair and Razor Ramon at Survivor Series 1992. He would then feud with Flair winning a memorable loser leaves WWF match on Raw in January 1993. Perfect then began a rivalry with Lex Luger, losing to him at WrestleMania IX. He had a very good match with Doink to qualify for the 1993 King of the Ring, where he defeated Mr. Hughes, before losing to eventual winner Bret Hart in the semi-finals in another great match. He then challenged Shawn Michaels for the IC title at SummerSlam 1993 in a match that WWF promised would be a classic, but was not. He then retired from in-ring work until his return to the company in 2002, when he was a surprise entrant in the Royal Rumble lasting until the final four. Mr. Perfect was a two-time IC Champion.

Promos/Character: Mr. Perfect is on the short list of best characters the WWF has ever had. The vignettes where he executed every sport from billiards to swimming were fantastic. Perfect played the character… ahem… perfectly with his cocky walk and sneer and especially that gum swat. He was always nails on the gum swat, no matter the trying circumstances. Mr. Perfect was great on the stick as well, later serving as an executive consultant for Ric Flair (and if you can be called upon to cut promos to help Ric F’n Flair, you know the company thinks you can talk) and as a color commentator. Add it all up and Mr. Perfect was a character that stood the test of time with fans, making him one of the more memorable characters ever.

Workrate: Mr. Perfect was a great seller (if anything it was too overblown and some fans feel like he oversold too much) and had some innovative moves like his somersault neck snap and the PerfectPlex finisher. Sometimes his offenses wasn’t as impactful as you might like, and the number of classic matches aren’t quite what you’d like from someone with Perfect’s talent. Still, the matches with Bret Hart at SummerSlam 1991 and King of the Ring 1993 are excellent, and his matches with Hogan are very good. His match with the Blue Blazer at Wrestlemania V is one of the best five-minute matches in company history and his loser leaves WWF match against Flair is very good as well.

Staff Thoughts: Mr. Perfect is one of the most memorable WWF characters ever, with the excellent vignettes holding up to this day. The towel, the gum swat and the sneer made him a great character and instantly a big deal. He then went undefeated for a year and feuded with Hogan, showing that he was a big deal. His star fell a bit, but he was the IC title level anchor for the early 1990s and had classic matches with Bret Hart. He was an important part of the team with Flair and Heenan and then had a good feud with Flair before he left the company. All said, the in-ring quality and strong character work make him the Perfect candidate for the top portion of our list. To hear what the guys had to say about Mr. Perfect, check out this FYC podcast.

From the Voters: “You absolutely nailed exactly one of the things I am looking for on my list in general which is this is a WWE exclusive list. What do we know about the WWE? It is very much character driven. Mr. Perfect might have done a lot more elsewhere but in the WWE he had to get over the gimmick that he was given, and he absolutely did. Oh, and he may not have been as great of a worker as he was in previous stints… but he was still pretty damn good, particularly when you compare him to his peers within the WWE within his era.” – Brian Meyer, June 2, 2017

“So many factors that put him inside the cut. His selling of the Mr. Perfect gimmick. Fantastic athlete who was fluid in the ring. He also sold others offense effectively. He was willing to job to inferior talent and not lose momentum. He jobbed to Beefcake at Wrestlemania and then Von Erich at the very next PPV while keeping momentum as a dangerous threat to the title. It was strange to see him as a face, but his promo work and attitude helped him get over with the fans. It would not surprise me if he finished as high as 60.” – Jeffrey Thomas, June 2, 2017

“My favorite wrestling character of all time (well, behind deviations like Heel Stone Cold and Hollywood Rock). Not a lot of folks know that. I adored him. He was an exceptional, phenomenal worker who made *everyone* he wrestled look better than they did coming in (Shawn Michaels at SummerSlem excluded). His two matches with Bret are among the greatest matches I’ve ever seen. Could talk like few of his peers, could work like few of his peers, and was still over in his comeback run. He’s in, and he’s going to rank highly for me.” – Greg Phillips, June 2, 2017

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation

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