#god she’s like 19 can we not push her into motherhood?

[kacievvbbbb]

I really hate this reading of Jinx as Isha’s mother figure. Like I am so tired of y’all. That one post about female characters being regulated to non friend is so true because it was so obviously a sister dynamic meant to parallel Jinx’s own sister she even acknowledges it herself where are y’all getting mom and daughter from?

[samanthapsworld]

The Ringling Museum of Art

Went to The Ringling Museum of Art the other day and wrote a review on an art piece that touched me.

The Triumph of Divine Love Review

By: Samantha Palmer

ARH2000: Art Appreciation 20630

Professor: Katherine Bzura

March 19, 2023

Physical Qualities

                The art piece The Triumph of Divine Love by Peter Paul Rubens hangs on the wall at the Ringling Art Museum in Sarasota, FL. It is an oil painting that was painted back in 1625 on a canvas that is a little over 12 and half feet in height by 17 feet in width. It takes up an entire wall on itself showing the large proportions that Rubens presents in the art piece. All the images in the artwork are life size. The painting was done in a renaissance period with the use of religious mythology as its subject. At first glance there is a beautiful woman that is the centerpiece of the artwork with children surrounding her that are angels. Once we look deeper into the piece we see the great amount of symbolism that Rubens used when creating this beautiful piece of moving artwork. Although, the woman in the middle is the centerpiece Rubens balances out the artwork with lions and the angel children flying around her.

Personal Feelings

     When I saw The Triumph of Divine Love for the first time at the Ringling Museum of Art it took my breath away. I had to sit down and stare at and take in all of its beauty. Reubens used warm colors so I got this sense of calmness and love from the artwork. It was just so moving showing a beautiful woman that is a mother with children that are angels flying around her and one that she is holding showing love to. The longer I sat looking at the artwork I started to notice the symbolism in the piece of work. I noticed that there was a child sitting on a lion with a spear in its hand, and I also noticed a child with flames from a torch pushing it near a serpent on the ground. It made me want to know more about the story line for this painting.

     I think the reason the painting was able to draw me in and move me is not only because of the art piece being beautiful but because of how it made me feel. I am a mother of a son and I was told many years ago that I would never bear a child. Only by the grace of God was I unexpectedly blessed with a son. This art piece reminded me of motherhood and how much love goes into being a mother. I think like anything the more we can relate to ourselves or find meaning in something the more feelings we have from it.

Background

     The Triumph of Divine Love was painted in 1625 by Paul Peter Rubens in Madrid. Rubens was born in Germany on June 28, 1577. He was a diplomat, scholar, and an artist. Rubens was described as, “the painter of princes and the prince of painters” (Peter Paul Rubens, 2023). Rubens was hired by Archduchess Isabel Clara Eugenia in 1625 to paint twenty tapestries for the Monastery of the Descalzas Reales. The Triumph of Devine Love is one of them (Museo Del Prado, 2023). The meaning behind this artwork is to show the victory of over evil in the world. The beautiful woman in the painting represents Charity, one of the three virtues, or as to what some consider the Mother of the Gods. The lions in the painting are the lions that pull Charity’s chariot and the serpents that represent evil are being burned by the flaming heart and pierced by the arrow of love (Anderson, R., 2000). I knew from the moment I first laid eyes on the painting that there was a tremendous amount of symbolism in it. The painting dates back to the Renaissance period where there were battles between Protestants and Catholics. At that time period there were numerous religious paintings referencing back to the religious methodology. 

Conclusion

     I chose The Triumph of Devine Love to do my review on because it touched me the most. It took my breath away, and not only because of its beauty, warm colors, balance, and symbolism but because I felt myself in the piece of artwork. I felt the love between a mother and a child. I think this piece of artwork is important to society because it shows a piece of history and how important religion was back in that era. This artwork is a huge panel canvas that takes up an entire wall demanding your attention with the proportions of the beings in the artwork displaying another aspect of its importance. I think The Triumph of Devine Love is gorgeous and speaks to you. I think that is why Mr. Ringling purchased the piece and displayed it for all to see.

References

Anderson, R. (2000). The Triumph of Divine Love. http://ringlingdocents.org/divine.htm.

Museo Del Prado (2023). The Triumph of Divine Love. https://www.museodelprado.es/en/the-collection/art-work/the-triumph-of-divine-love/34e44f15-389e-4782-9538-092b3e08a44a.

Peter Paul Rubens. (2023). World History: The Modern Era. Retrieved March 19, 2023, from https://worldhistory2-abc--clio-com.eu1.proxy.openathens.net/Search/Display/316355.

[munson-blurbs]

When Man Plans, God Laughs (Eddie Munson x Single Mom!Reader)

Summary: You're a single mom of two who recently moved back to your hometown of Hawkins, Indiana, after a nasty divorce. When your friends take you out for the night, you run into your high school crush: Eddie Munson. But are either of you satisfied with just a one-night stand?

This will be a multi-part series! Let me know what you think!

Warnings: single motherhood, divorce, smut (18+ only minors DNI), oral sex (m receiving), fingering (f receiving)

WC: 2.7k

Part One

You know the saying, "When man plans, God laughs"? That was the theme of your life.

Getting pregnant two months before your college graduation? Not part of your plan.

Marrying your boyfriend of only a year while wearing a maternity wedding dress? Not part of your plan

Balancing a new career and motherhood? Not part of your plan.

Getting pregnant again because your then-husband insisted that your daughter needed to grow up with a sibling? Not part of your plan.

And moving back in with your parents in Hawkins, Indiana after your alleged soulmate up and left you for a perky 19-year-old? Definitely not part of your plan.

You hate asking for help; it was a struggle for your mom to convince you to come home. But after having the water shut off in your apartment, you'd caved, packed up your stuff, and drove back to the tiny town.

The doorbell rings; it's probably Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley, picking you up to go to the Hideout. The dingy bar had been a staple of yours during high school due to their inclination to serve alcohol to minors. You'd initially turned down their offer for a night out, so they'd pushed you away and told your parents that they were going to abduct you and force you to have fun.

Before you can open the door, your daughter's fingers twist around the knob and yank it open.

"Gracie!" you scold. "Baby, you can't just open the door for strangers."

Grace rolls her eyes, a habit she's already picked up from you at just five years old. "I saw Aunt Robin and Uncle Steve from the window. They're not strangers!"

You exhale slowly, smoothing down the skirt that fell a few inches above your knees. You haven't dressed like this since, well, the night Grace was conceived.

Matthew is, as always, trailing behind his big sister. His blue eyes widen when he sees who's at the door. "Uncle Steeeeb! Aunt Wobin!" he shrieks. Robin scoops him up in her arms, squeezing him into a hug. You and her had been close in high school, and you'd picked right back up where you'd left off when you moved back a few months ago. The only major surprise was that she had befriended Steve Harrington, but he was starting to grow on you, too.

"Are you playing with us tonight?" Grace asks them, nearly pleading.

Steve shakes his head with a laugh. "Sorry, kiddo. We're takin' Mommy out for a night on the town." He squints at your daughter's frown. "Next time, okay? I'll even play Barbies with ya."

This seems to appease her until she processes that you won't be playing with her, either. "Mommy, don't go!" she whines, throwing her little arms around her waist. Matthew mimics her, tightly hugging your thigh.

You're so close to giving in, ready to change into cozy pajamas and watch Elmo for the umpteenth time, but your mom swoops in and untangles your babies from your body.

"Mommy will be home when you wake up," she tells them gently. "Speaking of which, it's almost bedtime! Who's gonna get in their jammies the fastest?" She gives you a wink and whispers, "Have fun, but not too much fun. As much as I love these guys, I can't handle another one right now."

Your cheeks redden as your friends pull you out the door. Having another kid is the last thing on your mind.

~

You wrinkle your nose as you enter the bar. It reeks of sweat, cheap beer, and stale weed. "Why are we here, again? We can drink legally now. Go to any bar you want." The soles of your heeled shoes stick to the floor.

"Our friend's band plays here," Steve shrugs. "D'you remember Eddie Munson, from high school? Long, frizzy hair; ran Hellfire Club; loved to give a rousing cafeteria speech?"

You think back to the days when you roamed the halls of Hawkins High, desperate to leave it behind for college in a big city. You hadn't had many classes with Eddie, considering you took honors courses, but you vaguely remember seeing him during PE and lunch. "I think so," you reply finally.

"It's his band--Corroded Coffin," Steve explains, taking a sip of a lukewarm beer. "They used to just play on Tuesdays, but now they do Fridays, too."

"Hey, Y/N," Robin pipes up, snickering. "Remember when you had a crush on him?"

"W-what?" you sputter, making Robin laugh harder.

"Yeah," she says between giggles, "our freshman year, his junior year. You were taking some music class with him and were in love for, like, a month."

"I forgot about that!" You played the piano and Eddie played the guitar--still does, apparently. When you two had been paired up for a project in your music composition class, you were immediately enamored by his passion for songwriting. The obsession had swiftly faded when he didn't turn in his part of the project, claiming he was too busy with real music for his real career, and earning you both a C. Still, you never stopped thinking he was incredibly attractive, even if he was a total slacker.

Steve exchanges a knowing glance with Robin. You're about to question what it means, but your chance is cut off when Corroded Coffin takes the stage. Eddie is front and center, instantly catching your eye. His hair is wild, curls everywhere. His ripped jeans cling to his legs, and a denim vest frames his torso. He's not wearing a shirt underneath, allowing his myriad tattoos to be visible. You feel a flutter in your lower belly that you haven't allowed yourself to feel in ages.

No, you tell yourself, you're a mom now. Moms don't hook up with their high school crushes while they're struggling to get their life together.

You try and focus on the music, all-too aware of the thoughts echoing in your mind.

~

Robin and Steve head backstage after the show, bringing you with them.

"It's getting late!" you protest, but they ignore you and insist that it'll be a good time. You roll your eyes but oblige.

"Buckley! Harrington!" Eddie calls out, pulling them in for sweaty hugs. "You made it!" He opens a black tin box and pulls out a joint, lighting it up and taking a hit. You can't help but notice an assortment of bottles and containers inside as well.

"We did," Steve agrees with a laugh. "And we brought a friend. This is Y/N." He nudges you forward. Eddie's eyes take you in hungrily, eyes conspicuously scanning your body.

"We, um, worked on that music comp project together," you manage, purposely omitting his lack of participation.

He snaps his fingers, bouncing slightly with excitement. "I knew you looked familiar!" he says excitedly. "These two told me you'd moved back, but I had no idea..." He pauses, cocking his head slightly.

"What?" you ask. Did you have something in your teeth? Sweat stains from dancing all night?

"Nah, 's just," he ducks his head, running his tongue over his lower lip. "I remember you bein' cute, but now you're, uh..." He glances down at your short skirt.

"Hot?" Robin fills in. "Gorgeous? Still totally out of your league?" You shoot her a glare, and Eddie takes the opportunity to send Steve a silent plea for privacy.

Steve grabs Robin's elbow. "I think I dropped my keys in the bar," he mutters through gritted teeth. "Help me find them?"

"Wha--oh," she starts, quickly getting the message. "Sure, yeah." She turns to you. "We'll be...right there if you need us."

And then they're gone.

"Wow, they were really subtle," you joke, easing the tension.

Eddie laughs, and it's such a sweet sound that you smile even wider. He flops down onto a beat-up couch, more foam than leather at this point, and pats his lap.

"Tell me what you've been up to since high school, sweetheart."

You gulp, trying to think about anything besides getting married, giving birth twice, and getting divorced. Remembering the way Eddie drank you in with his eyes, you decide to use it to your advantage.

"Do you really wanna talk?" There's a sultry note in your tone as you saunter over to him.

He cocks an eyebrow, manspreading slightly. "Thought I'd try to be a gentleman."

You just shake your head, climbing on the couch so you're straddling his thigh. "I'm kinda on a tight schedule here." It's not a lie; your mom didn't tell you to be home at a certain time, but you still needed to be awake enough to take care of Grace and Matthew tomorrow.

Eddie exhales as you press slow, precise kisses along his jawline. His hands roam your lower back, shifting you even closer to him. "You look like a fucking rockstar tonight," you whisper into his ear.

He smiles mischievously. "And you look like you're fucking a rockstar tonight." The spaghetti straps of your top graze your upper arms as he nudges them down with his thumbs. He sucks bruises into your collarbones, making you shiver.

"You good?" he asks teasingly, and you nod with enthusiasm. It's not enough for him. "Gotta use your words for me, baby."

"I'm good," you confirm. You place your hands around his neck and pull him in for a long kiss. "Really...really...good." You moan into his mouth. It's the truth; it feels incredible to be wanted, to be desired like this. A one-night stand is exactly what you need. Just a moment of passion without the drag of dating.

"Can you feel how bad I want you?" Eddie growls, bringing your hand to the seam of his pants. His erection presses against them, and he lets out a soft moan when you unbutton his jeans and let down his fly. "Right there." The man is practically whimpering at your touch.

"Eddie," you pant, grinding on his muscular thigh, "g-grab a condom."

He freezes, and you feel his confidence deflate. "Fuck," he hisses, biting his lower lip in frustration. "I can--I can pull out. I'm clean; I promise." As tempting as it is, as much as you want to quell the throbbing between your legs, you can't risk it. Your last "I can pull out" resulted in pregnancy.

"N-no, Eddie," you say reluctantly. "But I can still help you with that," you offer, getting on your knees between his legs. It actually worked out better this way; he wouldn't be able to see the stretch marked that marred your stomach, thighs, and breasts from carrying two babies.

You pull him out of his boxers, leaky cock in your hand. You smear his precum over the head, and you swear his eyes roll to the back of his head. He threads his fingers into your hair but doesn't push you down; just waits until you bring your lips around him, dragging your tongue along his shaft.

"Feels s'good, pretty girl," he whines, throwing his head back. A sense of pride surges through your body as you suck harder, fingers gliding around the base where your mouth can't reach. His cock twitches, and you know he's about to cum. You're prepared to swallow him, but he pulls himself out and spills onto his bare stomach with a few pumps of his own fist.

"You didn't have to--I would've--" you stammer, but he just shakes his head and reaches for a towel to clean himself up.

"Trust me, baby," Eddie purrs, "you did more than enough." He leans over for a kiss, slipping his fingers into your panties. "Now let me return the favor." You whimper when he moves his hand away, but he whisks you over to an old makeup table. He hoists you atop it, sitting you on the edge, and pushes your skirt up until your lace thong is fully on display.

"Touch me, please," you beg him, and he obliges, rubbing his thumb expertly over your clit. The small circles elicit the most guttural moans you've ever made. You'd be embarrassed if you weren't so entranced.

He slips his thick middle finger into you and your walls immediately clench around him. "So tight f'me, aren't you?" he chides, and you feel another finger inside you. He pumps them, quickening his pace as you get wetter around him.

"Harder, Eddie, more." His eyes widen at your need.

"Sure you don't want my cock?" he asks, only half-joking.

You shake your head. "I-I do, but I..."

"No worries," he interrupts, fingers still inside you, "I'll bring protection next time."

Next time? What did he think this was? You don't get to think further on this before your orgasm overtakes you, Eddie's name spilling from your lips as he helps you finish and brings you down from your high.

"I, um, I gotta go," you sputter, adjusting your panties and skirt and pushing yourself off of the table. "This was...you were amazing, really amazing."

"You don't wanna stay?" He looks confused and disheveled, nothing like the cocky musician that commanded the stage just twenty minutes prior. "I never finished that joint...we could split it, if you want?"

There's no way you're going home reeking of weed, so you politely decline. "I'll see you around," you tell him, an empty promise, kissing his cheek lightly.

You leave him to join your friends, who are frothing at the mouth for the gossip. Eddie stands there, puzzled and overwhelmed. He'd promised himself he'd start to settle down, that he would stop leaning on lustful urges and actually try to find love. And he'd screwed it up again.

~

Robin's phone rings at 9 AM the next day. "Hello?" she answers, munching on some cereal.

"Buckley," Eddie's voice, hoarse from his performance last night, comes through the phone. "You have that fancy three-way call thing, right? Can you add Harrington?"

"Sure thing, Casanova," she teases. "Heard you and Y/N had a great time backstage."

Eddie sighs. "Kinda what I wanted to talk to you guys about." He runs his fingers through his hair, reminiscing on his brief moment with you. The way your eyes sparkled, the way your body rested in his lap, the way he felt when you kissed him.

"Hello?" Steve gets on the line.

"It's me and Eddie," Robin speaks first. "He wants to talk to us about Y/N."

"Oh, Christ," Steve groans. "We already got all the details, Munson. You don't need to brag."

"No, no," Eddie reassures him. "I just wanted to ask for her number. She ran off last night before I could get it."

There's a pause before Robin talks. "Why do you want her number?"

"Uh, so I can ask her on a date?" More silence; it's so palpable that Eddie's worried that his friends hung up. "Still there?"

"Y-yeah," says Steve. "I'm trying to wrap my head around this. Never pictured you dating someone with kids."

"Steve!" Robin chastises him, but the damage is done.

"Y/N has a kid?" Eddie's jaw hits the floor. He really is in over his head.

"Two, actually," Steve relents. "And she's going through a divorce. So I don't think this is the best idea, Munson. Maybe just leave this as a one-time thing."

"But I don't--" Eddie throws his free hand in the air. "All you two did was talk her up, tell me how awesome and sweet and smart she is, and then you tell me that I can't be with her?"

Robin lets out an exasperated breath. "We thought you two could hook up, especially since she had a crush on you in high school--"

"She what?"

"But we didn't expect you to, like, fall for her," she barrels past the crucial detail she just dropped.

"Well, I did. I fuckin' did." Eddie's voice raises slightly. "And Y/N's an adult; she can decide whether or not we try something more serious. So just please give me her number."

"Fine," grumbles Robin. "But don't come crying to us if she breaks your heart."

"And don't break hers," warns Steve; Eddie recognizes the seriousness in his tone.

"I won't," Eddie promises. He half-listens as Robin babbles on about something.

I'm gonna figure this out, he thinks. But it wasn't just about winning you over; no, it was beyond that. It was about becoming the man, a man, that he'd always been too afraid to be.

--

[underthatfacade]

A Quitting SAHM

*names have been changed for identity protection

It had been difficult, making that choice to give up work for maternal reasons. But when the baby arrived, it was easy, getting swept away with the routines, night wakes, nursing, and the exhilarating experience of witnessing your precious child’s milestones.

Of course, nagging behind my mind, was that ominous question of:

“What should I do when she doesn’t need me as much?”

I’ve pushed it to the far end of my mind, barely coping with being a new parent, sole care-giver for my child. One that I’ve conceived after miscarriages. Her comfort was my utmost priority. Overriding my own needs as an educated woman, as an individual. The chronic sleep deprivation and pains of short nipples easily distracted me from the eventuality. That was early motherhood, exhausting but gratifying in its own way.

Then the day came, she adapted to school, and I began to yearn more than my identity as Elena’s* Mommy. I loved that new handle, “Mommy”. It endeared my child to me, we shared memories that I won’t exchange for overtime, P&L reporting, nor for that little monetary reward that I earned from my stint of self-employment in my later twenties. I felt certain of the foundation I’ve built with my child, a bond that I hope will come in handy when she’s in her adolescence.

But I want more than being her mother. I want to have my own identity. An identity that I’ve lost over the 2 years of being her mother. I didn’t mind not having outings with friends, not having facial and shopping trips.

But I minded not having my independence, financially and socially.

While I’m happy for my partner that he earned his own career recognition during the last few years. I was envious too. I joined him in his career when Elena was in school, met people on his appointments and met a lady who is one year my junior.

She’s surely married but childless. It wasn’t the Hermes belt that she wore nor the Chanel bag that she had on her arm that impressed me. It was her identity as herself, with her maiden name, on articles, clinching multi-million deals. She negotiated transactions of hotels and stretches of shophouses. The way she confidently negotiated her stance, corroborated with numbers and trade jargon that she gained over her years of experience.

It was inspiring, though she was debating against my husband’s motion.

I was awestruck.

It made me wanting more. More than being a mother. To be able to inspire my child, when she grows up one day. But yet I’m selfish. I don’t want to give up being that main caregiver for my child outside of her school. I want to be the one beside her when she’s running a fever. And be the one to welcome her with my arms at her school’s entrance.

And I realised that I can’t have it all when I tried to work full time in banking again.

So I dropped that full time position in pursuit of one that has more flexibility, one that gels with my husband’s career.

Then Covid-19 worsened.

Elena’s school became intermittent, and exams for my real estate sales licence gets postponed and seats scarce due to the heightened alerts.

Elena had to run a fever the night before my second paper when I’ve finally gotten a space in that exams’ weekend. I know it sounded like an excuse, but I was resolute that I was close to passing that paper. Had I not been hit by mommy’s guilt when she whined for me by the hour through that night.

I don’t blame Elena, but I blamed the situation. The circumstances of a pandemic turned endemic. When the wait for exams turned from weeks into months to god knows when.

It was hard on everyone, parents and children.

Isolating, when not many understand the scenario that’s playing out for you.

What’s disquieting, wasn’t being too busy with work. It was having nothing else to do but to bide one’s time. To shadow your partner, while not being able to contribute in any significant manner that I can say I’m proud of. I don’t want to live in the shadows of my partner. I want to be a fellow team member with camaraderie spirit in our partnership.

I want my child to know that women can have their independence if they worked hard for it. But damn. How demoralising it was during this transition.

I’m not saying that being a permanent stay home mother is any less than the path I’m working for. Everyone has their own calling, and I salute mothers who sacrificed their own well-being for their child/children. It is an altruistic role that I myself found it hard to live up to.

What I know is that I need my own gratification and purpose, it may be egocentric, but I don’t shy away from what I want.

To all those who felt down because of a plan thrown under the bus due to Covid-19.

Hang in there.

No matter how hard the kidney stone, how irksome the wait is.

This too shall pass.

[vanessakirbyfans]

With two films premiering at the Venice film festival, Vanessa Kirby’s star rises still higher this year. Since her Emmy-nominated, BAFTA-winning turn as Princess Margaret in Netflix’s The Crown, Kirby has continued to carve out a career that ranges from the stages of the National Theatre, the Royal Court Theatre and Off Broadway, to action blockbuster Mission: Impossible – Fallout, in which she plays The White Widow opposite Tom Cruise—a role she is about to reprise.

At Venice, Kirby stars in Kornél Mundruczó’s Pieces of a Woman, opposite Shia LaBeouf. Written by Mundruczó’s White God collaborator Katá Weber, and executive produced by Martin Scorsese, the film tells the story of a couple whose home birth goes devastatingly wrong, resulting in the loss of their daughter. Then there’s Mona Fastvold’s The World to Come. Set on the mid-19th century East Coast frontier, Kirby is Tallie, a woman who finds a deep love with her neighbor Abigail (Katherine Waterston). Casey Affleck produces and co-stars with Christopher Abbott.

Here, Kirby discusses going deep undercover with LaBeouf at a New York birthing class, the great honor of telling a story of motherhood and grief, and her ongoing fascination with bold, but suppressed female characters like Tally.

DEADLINE: What was it about Pieces of a Woman that first attracted you?

VANESSA KIRBY: I hadn’t found a character since Princess Margaret in The Crown, really, that I truly wanted to go really deep into. And so, they sent me the script for it, and then I met Kornél, the director, and I just was in love with it. It’s an exploration of grief, and how everyone experiences grief differently. I hadn’t seen a film about this sort of subject before, really. When I met Kornél, we had the best afternoon together, and I just knew that it was something I really wanted to do, so I felt incredibly lucky. Shia was already attached to it, and I had always admired him so much as an actor. Then we started the journey, and it required a lot, really. I had to go very deep into it.

DEADLINE: How did you and Shia go there together?

KIRBY: It was really tough, to be honest. It required so much from both of us, and it required a great trust and respect between us, because we knew that we were essentially creating something in the movie that then had to be completely dismantled and destroyed. A bit like they do in Blue Valentine. We were such good friends because I think we really did it together and created a really safe container to do that and to work in. And I was actually really scared to watch it. I was really daunted to watch it because doing some of those scenes was so painful. Feeling that level of grief. I found that really difficult to watch.

DEADLINE: There’s an extraordinary scene with Ellen Burstyn, who plays your mother, where she wants you to fight through your grief, and compares it to her own terrible childhood experiences. It’s so tense, it’s hard to watch.  

KIRBY: Well, it really evolved. God, it was such a privilege to go up against her, she’s just a titan, and we’d got really close and it really deeply explores the mother-daughter relationship.

I stayed overnight at her house a few times in New York when we were in production. We really got to know each other, so there was a deep love there, but also, we just thought it was so fun to play such similar and yet antagonistic characters. This movie is essentially a poem on grief, but it’s also specific to Martha as a person, as a character. It’s almost a character study on grief. How this person reacts to this kind of trauma, because of the generations of trauma and unresolved grief that’s been passed down. It was so important to have that between mother and daughter. It’s so unspoken, and I just can’t imagine if you’ve spent your whole life feeling not good enough, then you fail at the one thing your body is supposed not to. There’s a shame in that, I think. The familial shame, the shame that her mother passed down to her daughter in that she’s taught her daughter that, at any cost, you have to stand up, and you have to fight and you have to be strong and you do not share how you feel and you have to keep going, instead of really sitting with it and processing it.

I remember Ellen and I, we’d been really, really working on the scene together in the days leading up to it in her apartment. And then, on the day, I was just like, “You know what? I’m just going to shout it. I’m just going to shout at her.” And so, I screamed at her, and I just thought, “Oh my god, Ellen.” And it was so incredible, because in the first take, as I screamed at her, she just stood up and she just hit it straight back. It was just such an amazing day of shooting, because we just truly went head-to-head.

DEADLINE: Tell me about shooting the birthing scene. You’ve said it was a single long take?

KIRBY: Well, right from the beginning, Kornél wanted to shoot it as a one-take, and Shia and I were so excited by it, because it’s like a dream, really, to do that as an actor. Also, it was really important, we really wanted, right from the beginning, to open a bit like Saving Private Ryan because Shia and I talked a lot about, if you don’t have the backup, if you��re not with them during this loss, and you’re not with them in that experience, then the after effects—which is most of the movie—you’re not with them in that.

So it was so essential that we got it really right, and it was really complicated as well, because how on earth, over the course of 30 minutes, do you make it seem like the birth is happening before your eyes in real time? I’ve never given birth myself. I thought, I can’t do women a disservice by aiming to do this one continuous take and not make it like as authentic as possible because, you know, half the population are probably watching it, being like, “Well, I’ve done that. That doesn’t feel true.” I felt so nervous. I felt such a duty to it, so I was so lucky in that I found an amazing obstetrician, called Claire Mellon in London, and she allowed me to come and shadow her on the labor ward. I was there with all the midwives, and they were teaching me so much, and taking me through moment to moment. Then I was so lucky that an incredible woman let me watch her give birth, and that, to me, was just a miracle, actually. Honestly, I look back and I couldn’t have acted that. I would have been pretending if I hadn’t really seen someone go through it for five or six hours, which she did. It was the most generous thing anyone’s ever done for me, allowing me to watch. Then also, we were so lucky, we found other incredible woman, our birth consultant, Elan McAllister. Shia and I called her our Samurai, because she just helped us so much.

It’s a total honor the film got into Venice, and there are very special things about that film to me, that it’s extremely personal. For Kata and Kornél, it’s their personal story, and it was just really meaningful, very special, for me, that movie. It was so important it was to do justice to the women I had spent time with who had told me their stories, whether it be still birth, miscarriage or neonatal death, who felt that it’s still a really difficult thing for people and society to talk about in general, which was one of the most important things about the film. And that relates to Katá too.

DEADLINE: With The World To Come, what initially spoke to you about the role of Tallie?  

KIRBY: I ignorantly didn’t know that life was like that in some parts of America in the 1800s. It isn’t that long ago when things were just so tied in. You were literally owned by your household, by the man that you happened to be married to. I just found it so moving, and it touched me so deeply, and the thought that you can’t choose who you love and you can’t even choose to do what you like, to love who you want. I also love the title The World To Come, because it was from those foundations that we’re still coming out of, really. And I found it beautifully poetic.

I liked Tally because she’s such a life force. She’s pushing against… it’s just in her nature. There are so many women like that, who are this dynamic life force that didn’t want to be confined. They were told they had to have no expectations, and to quell or crush their desires, and diminish who they really are. I just loved her because she was such a bright light, really, that then gets sort of extinguished. I just thought it was a really important story to be told.

DEADLINE: On screen you make her such a big presence. Obviously, there are aspects of the costume and the hair that really enhance that, but it felt like something that came from within.

KIRBY: I mean the wig helped. But yeah, I was like, “Look, I just want this person to be someone who was born in the wrong era, that has so much potential.” I’ve always been really interested in women like that. I don’t know why I gravitate towards playing them, like on stage where I started, my favorite characters are Masha in Three Sisters and Yelena in Uncle Vanya. Those women that can do so much with their lives that have so many restrictions on them. They’re strangled by the things that they’re born into, the places that they’re born into, but also the psychological limitations that they put on themselves. And Margaret in The Crown is exactly that. I loved playing that part because it really is someone who is the biggest personality, that’s caged in this institution, that so wants to express who she really is, but is so inextricably linked with the four walls of that institution. I love exploring those people. So it was a real gift to play Tally and also to do her just before Pieces of a Woman. I left Romania and I went straight to New York to go straight into pre-birthing classes with Shia. We met in character through a birthing class. So funny!

DEADLINE: Wow. Did people recognize you guys? Any funny looks?

KIRBY: I think we might’ve pulled it off, actually. They definitely didn’t recognize me, but maybe they recognized him. I think we just about got away with it. I had a wig for The Crown so much, I don’t often get recognized. And we had to do all the exercises, we couldn’t pretend. We did lots of stuff like that.

In The World to Come, we were living in a little valley in Transylvania in Romania together, all in one hotel in the middle of nowhere, the whole cast and crew. So, we’d cook dinners in the evenings, and we just sat all night, but you really felt like you were in the middle of nowhere, and I think it’s so important to be as truthful as possible.

DEADLINE: And now you’re about to get back to Mission Impossible, right? What else is next?

KIRBY: Yes, we’re starting in September, so that’ll be nice, because I really liked that character. I just like how weird she is and unusual and she’s really fun to play, so I’m really looking forward to that. And what’s next? I don’t know yet. I’m just waiting for the right thing. With these two films, I just so loved them, and I think my aim really is just to play as many different characters as possible. Ideally as different as I can.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 2x02 Chapter Twenty-four

 Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Oh lord, judging by the “previously on”, in which the narrator claimed that Jane had to choose between Rafael and Michael, they’re still pushing the love triangle and I swear to god I’m going to murder someone if they don’t make it interesting.

2) And we get yet another flashback to how cute and awesome Jane and Michael were together. All right, I get it.

3) This actually made me laugh…

Alba prayed that Jane would get a shower. Also, I’m pretty glad they’re depicting motherhood in such a realistic way because yes, that happens.

4) And now Jane is going on a lunch date with both Rafael and Michael and I’m already bored. Seriously, though, when will the put this triangle shit to rest?

5) Rafael and Michael are trying to see who’s got a bigger dick by choosing Jane’s meal and fixing a wobbly table and this…

…is not making this storyline any better.

6) Okay, now this is a bit more interesting…

Michael told Jane that Rose might look very different now, and she’s seeing Roses everywhere. Although I don’t get why that guy sitting at the bar is looking at Jane? Could that be Rose?!

7) Please let the show be done with this in this episode…

Have her choose one of them, anyone, I don’t care anymore, I just want this to be over.

8) Tbh, I’m also super done with Luisa. Can she get killed or something? Soonish?

9) The bald guy is in town…

10) This was a nice conversation…

MICHAEL: And we didn't really do a whole lot of baby talk before, you know?

JANE: No, we didn't. Maybe we should. But, I mean, like, are you ready? Because you weren't when I was pregnant.

MICHAEL: Okay, come on… It was pretty shocking. We were engaged, it wasn't mine.

JANE: I know.

MICHAEL: But it's not some theoretical baby anymore. It's Mateo. So, yeah I'm in.

…but unless she’s choosing him, it was completely uncalled for.

11) I guess catching up will always look like this on this show, won’t it?

12) Jane and Michael had an almost-kiss. I guess then it’ll be Rafael’s turn and Jane will be back where she started.

13) Xiomara and Rogelio are on their way to Cuba, and I hope something interesting comes out of it…

14) I hate this storyline, too.

JANE: Oh, my God, who do you think the father is?

15) They’re not getting the annulment, are they?

16) Ugh, we’re back with the heart-glowing thing…

Please, please, please, make Jane make up her mind in this episode, I cannot stand this anymore.

17)

XIOMARA: But don't you think you overreacted a little?

ROGELIO: I tend to react very emotionally. It's both my greatest strength…

XIOMARA: …And your greatest weakness.

ROGELIO: …And what makes me such a compelling actor.

18) Jokes aside, I really like Xiomara and Rogelio together, and how they always find a way to communicate and be honest with each other, even if it takes them a while. I mean, the fact that Rogelio De la Vega is one of the people in this show who shows more maturity and growth says a lot about how the rest of the characters act…

19) Holy shit, Jane was the one to get Alba in this situation…

20) This totally broke my heart…

21) Oh, I’m so close to being done with this show…

I honestly feel like I’m self-flagellating by watching this show. I hate this so much.

22) Oh, damn…

23) Did we really need a flashback to find out how Rose knew that Michael was obsessed with Jane? Anyone with two eyes would’ve noticed that. Or was it an excuse to bring back the actress who plays Rose?

24) Oh, no, it was about the wine bottle. It’s a clue, apparently, because Rose tasted the grapes herself in a vineyard in Switzerland, where she is probably staying right now.

25) I really, really hope they’re not planning to bring in Luciana, Rogelio’s ex-wife, and have yet another love-triangle because then I’ll probably lose my shit.

26) Do what?!

27) Maybe dreams do come true?

I honestly don’t see what Rose sees in Luisa.

28) Shit got real.

MICHAEL: Let me ask you something. Who knows you better, me or Rafael? JANE: You do. MICHAEL: So I know you're not really in love with him. You're just in love with the idea of family. You'll figure that out. And hopefully I'll still be around.

29) And…

At least the reveal was fun?

30) Sorry if I’m being too annoying about the love triangle stuff, it’s just that I really find it off-putting. I’m really struggling to continue watching because of it, especially since it takes so much of the episodes. It seems to be the central storyline, and I loathe it with a fiery passion. I know there must be something more to the show than that since so many people love it, but I can’t help but wonder how much crap I’ll have to put up with till I get to the good stuff.

31) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[secretsfromwholecloth]

So. *cracks knuckles* I just got finished playing Pillars of Eternity for the first time this morning. I have opinions. They’re under the cut.

The map and pausing functionalities and the “just click on who you want this character to attack and we’ll handle the rest” combat brought the gameplay closer to what I’m used to from roguelikes (extremely low-res so you can see a huge amount of the area on the screen at once, turn-based gameplay that doesn’t require you to react quickly or aim well) and made the game actually playable for me, and I wish they were, if not standard-issue, then a lot more common. I hadn’t played a definable ~video game~ since I was about eight, as much because of gameplay that’s Not For Me as because of bad memories attached to them, and that might not have been the case had I had things like this available to me before.

The setting is fun and intriguing, though I’m still sorting through my feelings about its handling of religion (which has a certain tinge of “we wanted the color and variety of a polytheistic pantheon without having to consider actual polytheism”). I’ll be happy to continue spending time in Eora as I play through Deadfire and whatever future games there are in the series. (PoE III: Yezuha, anyone?)

I’ll take the opportunity to experience something different on future playthroughs, but I really do like my Old Vailian moon godlike artist cipher. I started thinking about Clelia’s personality when @bloodilymerry mentioned that her Watcher was keeping Durance around to keep an eye on him—what would my Watcher’s reasoning be? Because that is something that needs explaining; that guy’s a douche. So I thought, I know, I’ll base her on my twenty-something self who thought someone with misogynistic and white supremacist tendencies could be turned if I was only nice enough to him. That eventually turned into her acquiring my gender (some shifting combination of woman and agender, as befits a Vailian godlike), ancestry (or the Eoran equivalent, Old Vailian mother and alternately overbearing and neglectful Ixamitec father), early-twenties relationship situation (see below), and more besides, as I used the character and her interactions with others to basically relitigate my twenties. (I won’t say the entire decade was a blank loss, but I won’t not say it, either; this process has been quite healing, in its way.)

Where, where, is my option to hug my companions? Or various other characters, like Adaryc? They all need so many hugs. I shouldn’t have to headcanon all the hugs. This isn’t right.

Speaking of the companions:

Aloth: I loved elves when I was active in Tolkien fandom (though I was always Team Aragorn as far as that went). Intellectually, I’m well aware that he’s an adorable woobie who needs lots of hugs. “Abuse survivor falls in with a religious group led by not-great people to get away and then has to escape again from their saviors”? Relatable, I know some of those feels all too well. A romance that explicitly breaks free from the relationship escalator and rejects the weight of societal expectations of what A Romance(tm) should be? It’s like they read my mind. My real-life sexual history is full of Aloths, sad little cuties who needed me, and in my day I befriended more of them besides. I love his VA and think he did a great job. So why did I take until the endgame to start warming to the character? I have no idea. I’m still sorting through that.

Edér: Oh, Edér, why won’t they let me hug you? So in case you can’t tell, I love the big man to death, and his usefulness in combat (he’s nearly indestructible when fully leveled and given well-chosen, nicely-enchanted gear—he took down Concelhaut by himself, with a little help from figurines, after the rest of the party was knocked out) is only part of the reason he never left my party. I went for the mayor ending with him, because encouraging his god-bothering tendencies just seems cruel in light of what’s going to happen in five years. (Side note: “Eder”, accented on the first syllable, is a Basque name meaning “handsome”, and it was one of the proposed names for a character from Forbears who’s also a traumatized war woobie. I eyebrowed mightily when I first heard about our man here.)

As much as I ship Edér/Watcher on general principles, he and Clelia aren’t actually that compatible as a romantic couple per se—we see in a few places that he likes his women less sweet and more fiery, probably because at least part of him sees himself as a big, dumb brute who’s slow to catch onto people’s signals and at risk for hurting women without realizing it if they don’t make their opinions known by getting in his face and yelling. I have a couple of levels of headcanons for what their relationship is like:

If we’re hewing fairly closely to game canon, he loves her to pieces, and her flashes of ferocious protectiveness are kind of hot, but she mostly trips his “tiny baby, must protect” circuits, and it’s a relief to watch her get better and grow into someone who needs less babysitting. She’ll be romancing Tekēhu in Deadfire; he’s happy for them, and her continued fangirling over Edér is background noise at this point, not even really awkward anymore.

If I allow my headcanons to take flight a bit, both of them being lonely, touch-starved, and kind of messed up when they met led to him indulging her when she would want to paw at him at night, because hey, it’s actually kind of nice, especially compared to the loneliness of before, and by time they fight Thaos, they’re having “friends doing a nice thing for each other” sex on the regular but know a Proper Romance isn’t in the cards. Over the course of Deadfire, she gets into a triad with Rekke and Tekēhu, with Edér back in his old role as the beloved friend she sleeps with sometimes, and before anyone says anything, “AFAB person with two boyfriends and another male friend who takes the occasional turn in hir bed” is a spot-on description of my relationship situation from ages 19 to 22, right down to the friend being older than the others and a huge stoner. He wasn’t nearly as good a person as Edér, though.

Obsidian have priors, you know. Just ask Star Wars fandom about Bao-Dur. Let us romance the war woobies, Obsidian.

Kana: Another one who never left the party, due in equal amounts to his usefulness on the battlefield and my emotional attachment to him. I demand the option to throw my arms around his waist and smoosh my face into his solar plexus, goddammit. Especially when it turns out that the Engwithans were kind of terrible and the ironclad evidence of Rauatai’s link to them is destroyed and it breaks his poor heart.

Kana, at first, didn’t resonate with me as an immigrant’s child, in part because his second-generation experience was very different from mine, with parents who viewed their heritage as something to protect him from, rather than enthusiastically passing it down like mine did. But by the late game, I’d come to a new understanding of what his deal was: He was raised with no connection to his parents’ heritage besides them telling him a few “pirate stories”. But in Rauatai, he was physically different and subject to racism, and no amount of loud, enthusiastic patriotism ever quite made that go away, which meant that his parents’ choice to not give him anything else to cling to, rather than smoothing his path to integration, left him feeling alone and adrift. So he latched onto ancient times for that sense of having a place in history, and specifically the Engwithans, viewed as “everyone’s ancestors” in much the same way as the real world’s Greeks and Romans (after all, the Glanfathans and their direct connection to them wouldn’t have been more than a name to him then). If there was a link between them and something as foundational to Rauatai as the Tanvii ora Toha, and moreover if it was him and his work bringing that knowledge to everyone, then maybe he’d finally be allowed that feeling of continuity and belonging. Maybe he’d finally make sense there.

Durance and Grieving Mother: Apparently they had the same writer. The same male writer. Meaning that this man had the opportunity to add two nuanced, fully explored characters to this fantasy world, and he chose to give us a violent incel and a woman with no thoughts of anything besides babies and motherhood. I’m genuinely quite uncomfortable with this and glad they have no equivalent in Deadfire. I didn’t much appreciate having to keep Durance in the party so much to advance his quest, either, and their one-dimensional characterization and stilted dialogue felt like a poor fit with the rest of the game.

Fuck you, Durance.

Pallegina: I’d hug her, but she might run me through with her sword for trying. I’ll let her come to me when she’s ready for hugs. Her absolute certainty and confidence (only shakable by a sexy aumaua woman flirting with her, apparently) are wonderful to see, but maybe one day she’ll form an identity for herself that isn’t so tied up in the Republics and their government.

Sagani: She’s every working mom who knows she’s doing the right thing but still regrets spending so much time away from her kids, and I love her and want to hug her a lot. Also, Itumaak is cute, but Edér, no, wait until he’s had more than two days to get to know you before you try to pet him!

Hiravias: Go have a bath before I hug you. And yes, the racism you face is terrible, but could you shut the hell up about Pallegina’s cloaca? And keep a lid on the lewd comments in general unless it’s someone you have that kind of relationship with? (It’s absolutely in character for someone that lonely to be both desperate to keep the first friends he’s made in years and inclined to push their boundaries and test them to see if they’ll just abandon him like everyone else. And he does absolutely need some hugs. Still, though, dude, not cute.)

Devil of Caroc: Totally needs a hug, but I’m not sure she’d appreciate me just going up to her and giving her one. We can show we care about each other by making snarky comments instead.

Zahua: Poor, poor Zahua. Needs a bath first, but then so, so many hugs. Tied with Edér for loveliest voice in the game—hey, you two want to banter some more so I can sit here and listen to your voices?

Maneha: Girl, come here so I can hug you. I agonized over whether to have her keep her memory or not; I was thoroughly OK with her forgetting it, but reading over the endings, I think the one where she remembers is nicer. Also, she had some of the cutest banter in my playthrough, both her flirtation with Pallegina and her growing friendship with Kana, but...what’s that accent? Northern Cities? Midwest? It works for her, she sounds adorable, and of course I wouldn’t expect someone with her history to sound exactly like Kana, but I wonder a little what they were going for.

Fuck you, Thaos, you’re the worst. Lady Webb, you had atrocious taste in men.

Fuck you too, Simoc.

Ondra is less nice than she thinks, and I look forward to getting on her nerves in Deadfire.

Speaking of which, let’s get started.

[pamphletstoinspire]

Novena Prayers for Mother’s Day - Recited For Nine Consecutive Days Prior To Mother’s Day - Yearly

Jesus, give all mothers wisdom in making decisions for their children

________

Day 1

Standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary of Magdala. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom He loved, He said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your Son.” Then He said to the Disciple, “Behold, your mother.” And from that hour the disciple took here into his home. (John 19:25-27)

Mothers have long looked to Mary as their role model. As the mother of Jesus and, through His gift, of us all, she is seen as a model of motherhood. Yet if she were interviewed today, Mary would, in her humility, probably emphasize her role as advisor to mothers. She would point out that she is the one to whom mothers can turn for help with their concerns, worries, and questions about their children. Instead of striving for perfection, Mary would urge mothers to let their actions be guided by love, for in the end, love is all that matters. She would acknowledge that mothers, being human, make mistakes, but, she would add that mistakes can be righted through forgiveness. To all of us, Mary would say she is the one to whom we can turn if our mothers fail us or if our mother-child relationship is askew. She would note that relationships can be mended and failures conquered with understanding hearts.

Thank You, Jesus, for giving Your mother to us. We are grateful to have Your heavenly mother to whom we can turn for nurturing, guidance, and love. Please bless all mothers on earth and in heaven on this Mother’s Day. Amen.

Day 2

During those days Mary set out and traveled to the hill country in haste to a town of Judah, where she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the infant leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the Holy Spirit, cried out in a loud voice and said, “Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.” (Luke 1:39-42)

Pregnancy is a time filled with varied feelings for both younger women, like Mary, and older ones, like Elizabeth. There is the joyful anticipation of the child to be born. Yet such joy is often tempered by concerns for the unborn baby’s health. With firstborns, there can be added worries about the experience of childbirth and the responsibilities of motherhood. Women must also deal with various physical conditions, from morning sickness to labor pains. Yet when she gives birth to her child, a woman joins hands with God in the miracle of creation. There is no greater joy on earth than this.

We pray for expectant mothers everywhere. Bless them, God. Soothe their aching bodies. Calm their worries. Alleviate their fears. Mary and Elizabeth, be with them now and at the moment of birth. Join with God and these mothers in the celebration of new life. Amen.

Day 3

Pharaoh’s daughter came down to the river to bathe, while her maids walked along the river bank. Noticing the basket among the reeds, she sent her handmaid to fetch it. On opening it, she looked, and lo, there was a baby boy, crying! She was moved with pity for him and said, “It is one of the Hebrews’ children.” Then (the baby’s) sister asked Pharaoh’s daughter, “Shall I go and call one of the Hebrew women to nurse the child for you?” “Yes, do so,” she answered. So the maiden went and called the child’s own mother. Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, “Take this child and nurse it for me, and I will repay you.” The woman therefore took the child and nursed it. When the child grew, she brought him to Pharaoh’s daughter, who adopted him as her son and called him Moses; for she said, “I drew him out of the water.” (Exodus 2:5-10)

Like Moses’ Hebrew and Egyptian mothers, the mother who gives her child to another and the mother who adopts that child share a special bond. Though they may know little, if anything, about each other and may never meet, they are linked through the child they love. Both make a selfless commitment focused on the welfare of the child. Both truly are mothers.

We pray today for mothers on both sides of an adoption. God, console those who have given a child to another. Bring them peace through an awareness that their child is being carefully nurtured. Lord, be with those who have adopted children. Give them wisdom to be compassionate parents. God, guide women who are considering adopting from both sides those giving and those receiving. Help them to put the child’s welfare first. Amen.

Day 4

When they arrived at the house of the synagogue official, Jesus caught sight of a commotion, people weeping and wailing loudly. So He went in and said to them, “Why this commotion and weeping? The child is not dead but asleep.” And they ridiculed Him. Then He put them all out. He took along the child’s father and mother and those who were with Him and entered the room where the child was. He took the child by the hand and said to her, “Talithakoum,” which means, “Little girl, I say to you, arise!” The girl, a child of twelve, arose immediately and walked around. (At that) they were utterly astounded. (Mark 5:38-42)

Imagine how this mother felt as she waited by her sick child’s bedside. Now, as then, motherhood brings many joys but it also brings worries. A mother is concerned about her children’s health, safety, education, spiritual life, and social development. Even as she goes about her daily work, a mother carries these concerns in the back of her mind. Stemming from her love for her children, these worries are an important reason why mothers pray to God for their children each day.

We pray today for all mothers in the midst of child rearing responsibilities. Give them wisdom, Jesus, in making decisions for their children. Refresh them when they are tired. Guide them when they are uncertain. Ease their worries and give them peace. Amen.

Day 5

After three days, Mary and Joseph found Jesus in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teacher, listening to them and asking them questions, and all who heard Him were astounded at His understanding and His answers. When His parents saw Him, they were astonished, and His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for You with great anxiety.” (Luke 2:46-48)

Mothers of teens can identify with Mary in this story of the 12-year-old Jesus who decided it was time for Him to be on His own. As teens grow, change and question, they bring tumultuous times to the mother-child relationship. Life can be a daily struggle with a lot of pain and hurt feelings on both sides. As teens initiate the separation process that will carry them from childhood to adulthood, mothers often worry about the decisions their child is making and at times, may feel they are losing their child. Although they walk separate paths, a mother and her teenage child move together through the transition period from a parent/child to an adult relationship.

Today, God, we pray for mothers of teens. Give them understanding, compassionate hearts to continue nurturing their children even as those children move toward independent adulthood. Give them the wisdom to know when to stand firm on an issue and when to ease up and let go. Give them the courage to allow their child to grow and change. Open their eyes to the joys of these years. And help them prepare for the day when they will forge and adult relationship with their child. Amen.

Day 6

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to Him, “They have not wine.” (And) Jesus said to her, “Women, how does your concern affect me? My hour has not yet come.”

His mother said to the servers, “Do whatever He tell you.” (John 2:1, 3-5)

Mary sensed it was time for her adult Son to be about His Father’s business, and she chose the wedding at Cana to send Him off. Like mother birds, all mothers must, at some point, push their adult children out of the nest and let them fly on their own. Still, they do so with mixed feelings. There is the joy of seeing their children go out to make their mark in the world. Yet there is the sadness and perhaps a twinge of pain because another stage of their life has ended. This can be especially difficult if the adult child is moving a great distance away. But even then, a mother remains a mother.

This prayer, Mary, is for all the mothers sending their adult children out into the world. You know how they are feeling as they reach this moment they knew would one day come. Be with these mothers, Mary. Wipe away their tears and put a smile on their face. Help them rejoice in the completion of their task of child rearing. And remind them that there will also be a special place in their children’s hearts for them. Amen.

Day 7

Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back, each of you, to your mother’s house! May the Lord be kind to you as you were to the departed and to me! May the Lord grant each of you a husband and a home in which you will find rest.” She kissed them good-bye, but they wept with loud sobs, and told her they would return with her to her people. Again they sobbed aloud and wept; and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-bye, but Ruth stayed with her. But Ruth said, “Do not ask me to abandon or forsake you! For wherever you go I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge, your people shall be my people, and your God my God.” (Ruth 1:8-10, 14, 16)

Many mothers, like Naomi, develop loving relationships with the spouses of their adult children. When this does not happen, however, friction and hurt feelings within the family often occur. This can affect communication between the mother and her child, as well as interfere with the building of relationships with grandchildren. More and more today, we hear of grandparents being denied the opportunity to visit with their grandchildren when the parents divorce or one of them dies.

Oh, God, today we lift up mothers-in-law to You. Bless them with loving daughters-in-law and sons-in-law, as You blessed Naomi with Oprah and Ruth. Open the hearts of mothers-in-law to accept the spouses of their children with the same love, compassion, and understanding they give to their own children. Where differences exist, help them to find common ground. Help them to grow in Your love and to become one family. Amen.

Day 8

As Jesus drew near to the gate of the city, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. A large crowd from the city was with her. When the Lord saw her, He was moved with pity for her and said to her, “Do not weep.” He stepped forward and touched the coffin; at this the bearers halted, and He said, “Young man, I tell you, arise!” The dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother. (Luke 7:12-15)

The normal order of life is that a mother dies before her children. But that does not always happen. No matter if the mother is 90 and her dead child 70 or the mother is 20 and her lifeless child a baby, the pain is the same. And even though the pain may ease as the years pass, the heart is pricked again when special days arrive-birthdays, death anniversaries, Mother’s Day. A mother never forgets her child.

Jesus, as You helped the widow burying her son, help all mothers mourning the loss of their children. Make Your loving presence known not only to those who have lost children through death but also those who have lost children to drugs, imprisonment, cults, prostitution, slavery, or broken relationships. Heal their wounds, bring them hope through You and give them peace in their hearts. Amen.

Day 9

Despise not your mother when she is old. (Proverbs 23:22)

When mothers grow old and frail, it can be difficult for them and their children to accept the role reversal relationship that must occur. It is not easy for mothers to grow old gracefully. And adult children often struggle with their feelings as they watch their mother lose her independent lifestyle. Life becomes a challenge when already busy children must assume responsibilities for a mother who fights to hold onto as much independence as she can. Yet elderly mothers are a blessing to be cherished. Ancient societies revered them. So should we.

Today, God, we pray for aging mothers. Guide them in this stage of life, as they begin to let go of their homes, possessions, health, and independence. Remind them of Your presence through their children who come to their assistance. Give these mothers and their children the wisdom to make sound decisions and the strength to accept them. Fill their relationships with love, understanding, and compassion. Let memories flow to warm their hearts. Let joy bloom each day of their lives. Amen.

________

Click below for:

Novena Pamphlet For Mother's Day

https://docs.wixstatic.com/ugd/a84285_698a50a3eca147a59e20b69b3f2562b9.pdf

All Novena Pamphlets

https://www.pamphletstoinspire.com/novenas

[angeltriestoblog]

I watched a couple of movies! (April roundup)

I’m glad to announce that I finally found a way to rave about the movies I’ve watched without boring you all to death, driving myself to the brink of insanity, and damaging my eyesight even more. Instead of giving a comprehensive review on each one, I decided to give you my top picks for every month in an attempt to convince you to watch these life-changing pieces of cinema! Maybe someday I could include some of the worst I’ve seen as well because it's easier (and more fun) to point out the flaws I spot.

So without further ado, here are the creme of the crop for the month of April!

Philadelphia (1993, dir. Jonathan Demme) ★★★★★

This superbly crafted film was one of the first in Hollywood to tackle the issue of HIV/AIDS—and with the right amount of sensitivity—during a time when discrimination against victims was at its most rampant. That fact alone makes it deserving of the praise, recognition, and accolades it has collected over the years. Add to that the remarkable performance of Tom Hanks as Andy Beckett, the lawyer fired from the prestigious firm he works for who enlists the help of Joe Miller (Denzel Washington) to take this matter to court. His dedication to the role is evident not only in his dramatic weight loss but the intensity of the emotions he brings to all of his scenes. Though I know a lot of audiences are concerned that the account is told mainly from Miller’s perspective, I found this aspect crucial to his growth as a character and the movie’s effectivity as a call to empathy and compassion.

Certified Copy (2010, dir. Abbas Kiarostami) ★★★★½

It's so difficult to review this without giving away what makes it different from anything that's ever been made, probably. But then again, even if I dive deep into the plot and provide my theories, I doubt it’ll make sense so I’ll say this. Certified Copy is a mind-bender of an arthouse film disguised as a love story of the Before Sunset variety. It’s a deceivingly linear tale of a French woman known only as “She” (Juliette Binoche) who goes to a book signing and offers to explore the city of Tuscany with the author (William Shimell). His work asserts that the reproduction of a certain thing possesses as much value as the original, so much so that it can even take its place. The extent to which this is true is shown in the many ways their relationship changes in the span of a single afternoon. It’s normal to be frustrated once you’ve finished it. I had a “What the hell?” moment myself and had to rewatch some parts a few more times. But once you realize that the plot is an artifice, like fiction and art itself, that’s when you come to terms with how real it actually is.  

The Farewell (2019, dir. Lulu Wang) ★★★★★

This is practically Wang's two-hour thesis on why grandmothers are the best people on the planet and we don’t deserve them. It's not like I needed an external source to prove it was true but I adored it anyway. This Oscar snub is “based on a true lie”: Nai Nai (Zhao Shuzhen), the matriarch of a Chinese clan, is diagnosed with cancer, and her loved ones go to extreme lengths to keep it a secret from her. I appreciated the accurate depiction of the mess that is the Asian extended family: immigrant parents, their first-generation kids, and the relatives they left behind at the homeland under one roof can only mean endless bickering and picking at old wounds. But in all seriousness, its grasp of human emotions—as seen in the brilliant acting performances and authentic dialogue—reels you in instantly and keeps you emotionally invested and painfully waiting for the heartbreaking (?) conclusion.

Interstellar (2014, dir. Christopher Nolan) ★★★★★

In what is arguably Nolan’s most complex and ambitious work yet, we find Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) in what appears to be a shadow of the Earth we live in right now. After a fateful turn of events, he is tapped by NASA to carry out a mission in search of a habitable world for the human population. Rarely do we see a creative project that aspires to be everything at once and succeeds with flying colors. Interstellar is that gem for me. It pushes the limits of our imagination and tests the very boundaries of science and space while serving as a reminder of what it means to be human. It may clock in at 167 minutes but I think that if the run time had been cut down, it would be impossible to do justice to this multi-faceted story. In fact, with the emotionally resonant performances by the cast as well as the phenomenal score (Hans Zimmer, you are a god) and cinematography, I am honestly willing to see another three hours of extra footage.

Mommy (2014, dir. Xavier Dolan) ★★★★½

This… was a lot. I remember watching this first thing in the morning a couple of weeks ago, and not being able to do anything of importance for the entire day since I was too busy wondering if I’ll ever be suitable for the lifelong commitment that is motherhood. This award-winning, affecting tale revolves around Die Despres (Anne Dorval), a struggling journalist and single mom to Steve (Antoine Olivier Pilon), her hyperactive, abusive son diagnosed with ADHD. Although a law had been passed in Canada which lets cash-strapped parents place their troubled kids in hospitals, she refuses to give him up and takes him under her wing: after all, they’re best at loving even when it’s hard. What unfolds after makes it hard to tell how the whole thing ends, but it’s a visually arresting and thought-provoking experience anyway. Dolan also possesses a strong command of the language of filmmakers: critics agree that its most notable aspect is the fact that it was shot in a 1:1 aspect ratio, which allowed me to assume the position of a next-door neighbor peering through their living room window.

Frances Ha (2012, dir. Noah Baumbach) ★★★★★

Before Greta Gerwig was the director extraordinaire we know her to be, she was Frances Halladay, an aspiring dancer who moves to New York City with her best friend and comes face to face with several, consecutive life crises. Her reality couldn’t be any further removed from mine (as a 19-year-old student on the complete opposite side of the world), but it remains highly relatable. At their core, her problems are rooted in a fear of loneliness and failure—just like the rest of us! Come to think of it, maybe that’s why it’s in black-and-white: to give the movie a sense of timelessness since it tackles themes and issues that remain universal and prevalent across generations. I loved Frances as a protagonist, though she far from perfect: she’s immature and petty and quite frankly, she had no clue what she was doing until the last 15 minutes—just like me! And yet she powered through in the end, which gives me hope that I’ll be able to do the same.

Fight Club (1999, dir. David Fincher) ★★★★½

Believe it or not, despite its straightforward title and predominantly male fanbase, I was completely taken aback when the unnamed narrator (Edward Norton) and Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) started beating each other up in the middle of a parking lot—the very event that led to the establishment of their underground fight club. What initially appears to be a man’s search for a way out of the boring humdrum of his everyday existence evolves into a structural analysis of consumer capitalism and critique of toxic masculinity. There’s a lot of gore and violence but I pulled through thanks to the stunning visuals, unpredictable plot, and Brad Pitt’s beautiful face. Although the twist towards the end wasn’t exactly revolutionary for me because it kind of resembled Primal Fear (1996), it was still a mind-blowing and fitting conclusion to this cult classic.

Pretty Woman (1990, dir. Garry Marshall) ★★★★★

This modern-day Cinderella story about a hooker who falls in love with a wealthy businessman has become problematic for my generation. There are a ton of essays on Letterboxd attempting to start discourse on its ethics, calling it out for its misogynistic undertones, and criticizing it for being unrealistic. I actually saw a review that said it indirectly promotes prostitution as a means to get ahead in life, which could wrongly influence teenage girls. (How stupid do you think we are?) At the end of the day, this is a romantic comedy—and an outstanding one, at that! This probably has the most equal distribution of swoon-worthy scenes and laugh-out-loud moments out of all the romcoms I’ve watched, and we have the lead actors’ insane chemistry and the consistently witty script to thank. Needless to say, Julia Roberts is an absolute delight as Vivian Ward and it’s only fitting that it was this particular role that catapulted her to superstardom. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna rewatch this then proceed to play It Must Have Been Love for another 70 times.

The Fundamentals of Caring (2016, dir. Rob Burnett) ★★★★★

I genuinely think that everything Paul Rudd touches turns to gold. Here, he plays Ben, caretaker to Trevor (Craig Roberts), a sarcastic teen suffering from Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Together, they make a spur-of-the-moment decision to take a cross-country road trip to see several roadside attractions and of course, come to terms with their own issues. I admit that my love for this comes with the acute awareness that if I had found it on Netflix at a different time, I wouldn’t have appreciated it as much. It’s fairly predictable, it doesn’t strive towards anything complex or require much reflection on our part but it ties together neatly and satisfyingly in the end—truly a perfect comfort film! The equivalent of the warm, 10-second-long, oxytocin-inducing hug that we all need and can't have right now, given the state of our world!

Edit (05/09/20): I’m currently binge-watching Timothee Chalamet interviews and he just told Stephen Colbert that he had auditioned for this but wasn’t accepted for the job. Imagine him and Paul Rudd together... the visual power that duo would hold... I would miss the point of the movie entirely.

So, that’s it for this month! I’ve actually been spending more time writing lately but I hope I can continue to squeeze in something to watch into my schedule so I can actually be consistent with this series. Till next time! Exciting things up ahead! Wishing you love and light always, and don’t forget to wash your hands, check your privilege and pray for our frontliners!

[rutabagarabitowitz]

First Lines

​This looked super fun, thanks for the tag @avenuepotter! Plus it helps me kinda revisit stuff I’ve been not working on.

Paste a short sentence/paragraph you think a potential reader may find intriguing from your last 20 stories and then tag 10 other authors. WIP’s are fair game (many people I saw included WIP’s) or Rules: Paste the 1st paragraph of your last 20 stories. Then tag ten of your favourite writers to complete the challenge, too.

8 WIP posts

1. From Head Over Feet: Chapter 38, Home Sweet Home (Put a Ring on it) WIP

Alex sat cross legged on her bed and scowled as she rubbed out her answer on the crossword puzzle in her lap with an eraser. Beside her Sonny was tapping at his phone with one hand and sipping coffee from the mug in the other. His long legs were sprawled out in front of him covered in blue sweats with New York Mets written down the right pant leg. Alex dropped the newspaper in frustration and stuck her pencil into her messy bun. She reached with a grabby hand towards Sonny's mug.

2. From Never Any More Heaven not Hell, chap 2: Just My Imagination WIP

Alex pushed her cart away with a very small wave his direction. She headed to checkout aware she only had half her list checked off. She was grateful for the empty lane and that she was able to pay fast. She took her few bags and Teddy and rushed outside not daring to look back over her shoulder. She could feel her heart racing and she felt like crying. The way he stared. What he said about being a show-off. What did that mean?

She walked home on autopilot, barely aware of her surroundings. She dumped the bags on the table and sat with Teddy on the couch, not bothering to unwrap her from the sling. It wasn't until Sonny came through the door, still in his shorts and gym shirt, that she realized she was just sitting there. 

3. From something I've been writing about Alex's bro Henry/something I've been working on as in a novel. 

An older man eyed him as he was coming in, seeing his fatigues he smiled proudly. Henry returned with his own uneven smile and shuffled off towards the handicap stall. He was glad for free Wild Turkey on the plane, but it was beginning to wear off. That or the clean Northern California air had already infested his psyche; the sobering reality of death hung around the atmosphere. 

4. From a WIP/something from Head Over Feet

Sonny shook off the familiar stirring in his chest at the sight of Alex's old doorway, "naw, I'm Sonny, Sonny Carisi, I live up stairs. I'm NYPD if, ya know, anything comes up."

5. WIP?? Something stupid I thought of today that's amusing???

"Dat guy has a lot of calcetines!"

Walt snorted. "He has a lot of socks?"

A blush appeared across sonny's cheeks. "No...ya know balls."

"Cajones," Alex corrected with the smile a mother gives her toddler, complete with head tilt. 

"You don't know Spanish!"

"I know the bad words," she smirked. 

6. More WIP from a novel I'm working. Same one as above. 

Rose spilled the contents of the box all over the floor near the side of the bed where Ted slept. She sat in the mess she made leaning up against the mattress. She reached her hand up to grasp his imaginary limb that he'd dangle over the edge. She could almost hear him snoring. He always slept for so long when he came home. She'd join him of course, relishing the warmth of his sun freckled skin and his smell of musky sweat. Alex would sneak into their room and want to sleep in their bed. If Alex got to Walt was sure to follow. Henry would hold out but he would eventually join his siblings as they all rejoiced in daddy finally being home. Those were the best times. When rose ceased to be a single parent. When she got to free herself from stay at home motherhood. 

7. From Head Over Feet WIP future chapter?

"Hey Alex!" The door slammed open and Malucci marched in without looking up. As he started to launch into a set of orders he looked up to see the tender scene before him. "Oh, whoa! Sorry. 5 more minutes?"

"Please," she sighed and made eye contact with Sonny again as he pulled away from her. 

"You got 3. Nice to see ya Carisi." He nodded and pointed his chin up at Sonny. 

"You too Dave," Sonny answered loudly as he left the room. Sonny smirked at Alex. "Dats the end of dat."

"Hold on," she gripped his jacket sleeve as he made to stand up. She pulled him back to her tipping her head back and connecting with his lips. She kissed him hard, one hand pressed tightly to his chest, she could feel the heavy Kevlar beneath the police windbreaker. He turned his head to capture more of her lips as he kissed back, his tongue darting out to slip between their lips. 

"Mmm," she sighed as she pulled back for air. Sonny grinned at her, a dazed expression overcoming his features. 

"Be careful, Sonny," she warned as he stood up. 

"I always am," he assured her. 

She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

8. From some random Sonny/Al smut WIP

When Sonny closed the door behind him softly he could hear Alex's bed making noise. He laughed to himself knowing first hand how creaky her mattress was. He left his things on the chair and then he heard it: soft moaning sounds to accompany the creaky bed. He stopped. He heard it again and felt the blood pulse in his veins. He walked forward to the almost closed bedroom door.

12 other svu stories completed

9. from Head Over Feet ch. 38 Hey Jealousy

“It’s not icy!” She shoved him aside and directed him back to the passengers side.

He pouted over to the opposite side of the vehicle and climbed in after she unlocked the doors. Amanda smirked to herself secretly amused she’d gotten him riled up. He continued to look pouty as he buckled his seatbelt.

“So what do we do now?” he turned to her.

10. one-off story: Election Night

“IF THIS IS THE NEW WORLD I’M GOING IN DRUNK,” Walt shouted, waving his beer aloft.

Sonny had run off to buy more booze as the polls closed in California deciding it would be better if he kept his companions drunk and sated after Walt and Alex started picking at each other over allegiance to party or politics.

11. from Tricks N Treats

Amanda wore a witch hat on top of a sweater and jeans, nothing elaborate. Jesse however was decked out in her movie quality Sleeping Beauty costume. Her mother had allowed her to wear a tiny amount of lipstick and Jesse was busy kissing her hand and giggling at the mark it left.

12. from Snap Story

Sonny laughed as he sat up beside her on the edge of the mattress.

“Oh my– you put me on snapchat?” she yelled.

13. from Head over Feet ch. 6 Cinco de Mayo

He teetered a bit but quickly found his footing. He wrapped his arms around her waist and put his head on her shoulder. With his face so close to hers she could smell the liquor on his breath.

“Oh god, you smell like tequila.” She made a face.

“My friend, Sully, threw a Cinco de Mayo party-”

“It’s August.” She raised an eyebrow as she finally got the door open and pulled away from him to get inside.

He paused. “Well it was the theme! But there was tequila there!”

“And lots of it, I can see.” She said. “You sure it wasn’t tequila themed?”

“Okay, full disclosure, I had a few margaritas.” He gestured wildly.

14. from Head over Feet ch. 8 Chinese

He folded his jacket over his arm and slung his backpack over the opposite arm. Once he got outside he felt the difference of the cool interior and the full summer heat. The sun was still out and he realized he was going to sweat through his skin before he got home. He stopped to roll up his sleeves further.

“Lookin’ good, Detective!” a familiar voice cat-called.

15. from Head Over Feet ch.13 Some Space

It was barely after sun up, but Walt’s bladder had been trained to military time. He stretched his limbs as he got off the couch and headed for the bathroom which in Alex’s house was inside her bedroom. He knew Sonny had spent the night because he pretended he didn’t hear them giggle when he got there close to 1am. Walt also pretended not to hear bedsprings or any other sounds that confirmed his sister wasn’t an asexual being.

16. from Good with his Hands Walt/Barba side story

It had been awhile since Rafael had actually dated. He kept himself very busy, or rather the SVU did. There were occasional nights away from his hum drum but mostly he was married to his work. He also rarely frequented gay bars. They always attracted the wrong sort of man. But he felt like he needed an ego boost that night a few weeks back. Just one compliment, one "ay Papí!" And Raf would feel a little better about himself. Maybe if he was cute he'd have some fun but he wasn't betting on it. They were always 'cute and,' cute and slutty, cute and too young, cute and high. He was unsurprisingly picky about who he brought home.

17. from Head over Feet ch. 21 Family Stuff

Bella took a bite of her yogurt and slowly answered. “Well, he’s never invited anyone to Thanksgiving. He’s had girlfriends but…it’s never that serious. Not Thanksgiving serious. Then last week he told Ma there might be an extra table setting. It’s a big deal for my brother.”

18. from Head over Feet Ch.26 What are you Thankful For?

Sonny looked around the room at two entire families that he wasn’t sure about mixing, but it seemed to be going well. He still worried about Alex. She looked okay but he wanted to make sure she actually was. He just needed a minute away from everyone else, observing and analyzing their every move.

“Hey.” He turned to Alex. “My mom asked me to get the folding table like an hour ago, ya wanna help me?”

19. from Dinner and a Movie (Walt/Barba)

“This is so domestic.” Rafael called, but he didn’t smile less. It felt good. The nervousness he held about Walt’s relative youth to his own was waning but not gone. Maybe that nervousness is what fueled this.

He tried to focus on Luke Skywalker and his drama but he kept hearing the sizzle of the pan in the kitchen and Walt whistling the music. He wanted to go in there and take him away from the cooking and back to his lips. Maybe hold the boy tightly and pull on the hair that was getting longer the more time he spent away from wearing fatigues. Did Walt even wear fatigues? Rafael never ventured to ask what he did out in the field or how in the field he was. Was he just on a foreign base? Was he in combat? Had he been?

Rafael suddenly felt worried he’d never asked, as if there was a hurt he wasn’t attending to. He didn’t want Walt to think he just liked his body or his cute smile. Rafael liked a lot more of him than that but he wasn’t sure he should be revealing all that just yet. No need to rush.

20. inspired by “Unholiest Alliance” Sonny/Al: Faith

After Sonny changed into a pair of flannel pajamas and a hoodie he settled on the sofa with a beer. He picked up the photo he got from his mom and the wooden frame he bought at the sale for fifty cents. He carefully unscrewed the backing and placed the snapshot inside. Satisfied with his work he turned the picture over and smiled.

He heard Alex’s key in the lock and he looked up as she opened the door and came inside. Her eyes were downcast but she smiled when their gaze met.

“Hi babe.” She greeted. She dropped her bag on the chair as she made her way over to him on the couch.

anddddd now I have to tag people.... uh?

@knittingharlot @singinprincess @hawkland @imasecretstorywriter @justjaclin @ anyone else who writes? I can’t remember i’m so inactive. 

but it’s a lot of fun! thanks!

[touchmyspinebookreviews]

Hello there, friends! As many of you know I haven’t had internet access and have had one hell of a year, well I kind of want to touch base on that and update some lovelies that have been asking questions and what not. So as many of you know I faced a huge financial battle this year and because of how so many supportive friends that I have on here I was able to have good, paid some on electricity and my seizure medications! Yippee! To be honest, I went 5 days without eating, went without AC while it was in the 90s, and was bruised up from head to toe. So to have loved ones such as yourself do this for me not only made a way, but it humbled me to a great extent to know how many good people surrounded me through their shares, likes, prayers and/or vibes, amazing donations, and most of all the fact that I finally had amazing and trustworthy friends! 

  Well ladies and gentlemen, I made two awful mistakes. First mistake was closing down raising $ without reaching my goal just because I figured there was two forms of employment found, I had a close friend that didn’t mind just helping out babysit, and I was wrong for thinking things were just better and felt that everyone saw me different because I was this loser and beggar. The second mistake I made was literally asking God and the Universe why I was rock bottom and thinking things couldn’t get worse because man, they did!!!

One clue of advice, my friends, never ask this question because I think God and/or the Universe took this as a challenge! Like you think that was hard, let me show you some shit! I mean don’t get me wrong, I lived through worse things as an innocent child. No child should ever have to face torture to extremes to get the highest bidder’s perverted fantasy fulfilled. Even though I have lived through this and I have even loved through dying 3 times before the age of 10 and was brought back, I still find my current issues harder to face. Not because it was all in the past, definitely not. In fact, I love with those images and flashbacks daily but what makes my situation so difficult for me is the impact it has on my three amazing children. With them, it changes everything. It changes every  fiber of my being because I may not have chosen to get pregnant with my first child at 19 but I chose to keep her and I made her the choice and promise to protect her above all else. I have to put my pride aside and I must remain strong for them.

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

-Sophia Loren

So to bring you up to speed and give an update on yours truly and her big family(including all the animals I rescued), things seemed to get better for maybe a month after I did the fundraiser back in April. Things spun out of control and the last few months we have scrambled, walked, applied and tried everything in our power to survive but we are to the point of having no more way, an eviction notice hanging over my head by my own family, no money whatsoever to get out of the eviction, no internet or phone service so are unable to get a hold or hired for any jobs, and three kids that deserve the best and I don’t know what to do. I am absolutely at the end of the line. After I disabled the last fundraiser a month later Thomas’s boss ran off with all his employees checks even though I knew him forever, the car that was providing the other form of income was repoed because when family said they would pay it that didn’t happen. So went quickly to zero once again. I kept hope and pushed through and found every resource I could to help and things continued to crumble. As some may know, I am remission for liver cancer for the last four years well after getting deathly sick from a spell of not eating again, test results show that my liver enzymes and kidney levels are through the roof even more than they were at cancer status. I haven’t been able to afford the biopsy and tests I need her alone my maintenance dose of chemotherapy that I have been on for years. My inflammation levels are high and I have been in excruciating pain. I also have been fighting seizures and seeing my loved ones not get the proper treatment as well. It has been literally one thing after another. The doctor out me on bed rest until I can find out what’s going on with me and then my world comes crashing down and my children got hurt if you don’t know about the situation, you can read about it @ https://touchmyspinebookreviews.com/2018/07/20/motherhood-heartbreak-how-do-i-pick-up-the-pieces/. I will tell you that my children haven’t been without food because is adults stopped eating for them a few times and now we have good benefits and help from our church with food but everything else is CRAZY!😵 I also found out that my children were hurt and that made things go through a whirlwind. I struggled to pay for copays and any deductible for my kids to be seen by a specialist and they still need to be seen but my car doesn’t have insurance and needs a repair. Also the “friend” that was the babysitter that first month stole our rent money and hacked into our accounts, stole everything I own of value, and even stole family heirlooms that were irreplaceable or push come to shove could have been maybe sold for a way but she took everything. I am fought to stay myself through all this but now I am at the point of losing it. We have to come up with some money by next week and we have to come up with a plan because we will be homeless and hungry in the next 2 weeks. 

I know that that’s a lot to digest and you’re

probably already running to the hills!!

I don’t know for sure why I am blaring this on public forum besides the fact that I feel bad that I have been so minimally active and really felt I should have given everyone a better follow up after the fundraiser and I love to vent here, to be honest. Not only do I love to vent on here because this is the only place that I feel like I can  be myself and have support from real friends. The friends that I have missed dearly. Phew! Does it feel good to let it all loose to you guys!

 Another thing I wanted to share was that I wanted to see if anybody was interested in my services for great prices.(I know that sounded a little sexual but promise that I am not offering sexual favors over the internet. Lol. No judgement though, if that’s your thing because to each is their own. What I am talking about is I have been a professional Tarot, Oracle, Angel Readings and Lenormand Reader, I also have professionally read palms and conducted basic numerology and astroloft reports. I knew you guys knew I was a reader and into many different psychic things and many different divinivation tools but I don’t think I shared with many that before my recent spiritual awakening I did professional readings years ago for about four years in a small business. I also have been accepted by Zodiac Psychics as a Tarot Reader and Life Coaching or being a counselor of sorts. Not only do I have professional and educational experience in all types of divination, I have my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. I know some may be thinking who would want advice from someone who doesn’t have it together financially and such but suruprising as it may be, I also have certifications in drug counseling and have volunteered for many years as a counselor at The Rape Crisis center and as a speaker and mentor at group homes that I attended as a child. I still have clients that I have seen for Tarot & advice that I started seeing 5 years ago just unfortunately they came upon some stress as well this year so I try to help them out anyways much as I can. So with all this being said, it’s beyond obvious that my family needs a way to make money and I am to the point at putting my pride aside but I don’t want to offer nothing in return to people. I mean if you guys aren’t into any of the stuff I offer or some kind of book promotion and want to help me out and donate anyway, I would be forever grateful and definitely am not trying to say I’m too good for donations at all. In fact, I would love some prayers, shares, vibes, encouraging words and/or donations to help go towards keeping our home together and for me keeping my children. I’m so sorry if this comes off as begging or any kind of way but I really want to give my kids a home and also find a way to get to work and do what’s best for them and get medical treatment and pray for a miracle. Even with all of this and knowing my chances of survival are slim if my cancer has returned, I still have that drive and push to keep things going and to fight for my kids. I also want to be there for you guys as well! Which luckily my neighbor is letting me use her internet because she is going out of town for the next week or two so I can hopefully figure something out. I don’t know if I should start another fundraiser via GoFundMe due to the fear of losing my children to very unkind people but my PayPal e-mail is daniellepirok88@gmail.com and I will also have a free texting Wi-Fi number working starting now again which is +1-843-941-7929. Please email or text me about any services I could provide or any questions whatsoever. Thank you for hearing me out my friends. Regardless of anything, I am so glad that I have met you all and will be visiting your blogs over the next few days! Yay!💖XOXOXOXO😘💯💖

P.S. I also want to request that everyone can send positive vibes and/or to Stephanie @ Stephanie’s Novel Fiction! She has been having some serious health concerns and I think she is one of the most amazing people in the planet so she deserves a speedy recovery. Steph, thanks so much for all you have done for me. You are a fighter and I know you are going to get better and end up on top! 💖💖💖

Sorry for lack of proofreading, my device is being slow and TBH I am very anxious and feel vulnerable about all I shared so going to proofread later when I calm down and feel better. Love ya guys! Hakuna Matata, Loves! Xoxoxoxo 🌹💜🌹💜

Services I Offer And An Update On My Family & Health Hello there, friends! As many of you know I haven't had internet access and have had one hell of a year, well I kind of want to touch base on that and update some lovelies that have been asking questions and what not.

[diorco]

The Journey of Breastfeeding

The sensitive topic of breastfeeding has been something that I wasn’t that open to talk about. Do well and you’ll be deemed boastful and proud, don’t do well and you’ll be judged as lazy. Either way I go, people can still criticize. 

So why am I writing about this now? 

This post isn’t going to tell you what to do to increase your milk or how to build a milk stash or how to do it right. There’s already a ton of that in the internet. I’ve read too many articles telling moms what to do to be successful at breastfeeding but almost no sharing of personal experiences of the struggles and sacrifices that come with it. What I needed during my first few weeks is even just one story from a mom to tell me that yes, it is THIS HARD. And that yes, it will get better. So I now, I’m sharing my story to tell moms who are just starting off in their breastfeeding journey that yes, what you’re going through is normal. 

It’s daunting to even relive how it all went down, waking up each day with the uncertainty if I can survive another day of breastfeeding. I would’ve changed a few things if I knew better. But five months down the road and we’re still exclusively breastfeeding. What you’ll read are purely my raw experiences on the first few months of motherhood. I hope that new moms and mom-to-be’s can find strength and inspiration in my story. 

I always knew I wanted to breastfeed ever since we found out we were pregnant. My sister told me it’s even harder than delivery itself. Others told me it’s the reason why they suffered from postpartum depression. Many said it’s the most difficult thing they had to do in their life.  

Hearing all these, I signed myself up in breastfeeding classes and workshops, making sure I have the right expectations when it’s my turn. 

The moment I gave birth, Elise was placed on me for our first latch and skin-to-skin encounter. The next time I saw her was in the recovery room where the nurse had me breastfeed her. I remember seeing her latch for a second and then letting go. The entire fifteen minutes was just a repetition of that. I was worried she didn’t have the skill to suckle and that I didn’t have enough milk.

We were brought in my room together and we opted to have her room-in with us despite the exhaustion that 19 hours of labor caused us. I highly advise parents to do this! Once you put her in the nursery at night instead of your room, you won’t know the issues that may arise and better to have your baby with you 24/7 in the hospital so you have nurses to call and ask advice from. Rooming her in prepared and managed our expectations as to how it’ll be when we bring her home.

True enough, a lot of issues surfaced those first few nights. For one, I had flat nipples that made it difficult for Elise to latch on me. Imagine how frustrating that might have been for her. The nurse tried to solve this by using the syringe technique to pull my nipples out. The process made my toes curl in unimaginable pain and caused my nipples to bleed. This process was repeated every feeding time during our two day stay in Makati Med. The day we left the hospital, I had an open wound on my right nipple so we needed to drop by Rustan’s to buy a pair of Medela nipple shields as recommended by the lactation consultant in the hospital.

Elise was born 2.52 kg heavy, or should I say light. Our pedia was worried as Elise wasn’t feeding well and needed to catch up on her weight so she advised me to breastfeed and pump after every feed to condition my body to produce more. Day 3 postpartum and I was already pumping every 2 hours after her feed, while Ivan or our nanny feeds her via a small medicine cup. 

If I’d break down our routine during her first weeks, it was this every 2 hours:

Feed for 40 minutes

Pump for 20 minutes (while Elise drinks via cup)

Do other baby chores for an hour

Elise wakes up again to feed

I’m lucky if Elise can last 3 hours (counting from the time she started feeding), before wanting to feed again. Those rare instances gave me a chance to get an hour of sleep. If she’s still asleep on the 3rd hour, we needed to wake her up to feed to prevent dehydration, as ordered by our pedia. So far, this was the most exhausting thing I had to do in my 30 years of existence. 

Oh, and the growth spurts that lasted for ten days during her 3rd week, 6th week, 9th week, where she’d feed infinitely for the entire day. I’d only get fifteen -to thirty- minute breaks. We were feeding round the clock.

During the first week, I was only able to pump 10 ml or 0.3 oz of milk after pumping both breasts for 20 minutes every 2 hrs. I was worried with my output and also because Elise never looked satisfied and kept on crying after every feed as if telling me I’m not producing enough for her. My sister in law offered her sister in law’s breastmilk to help us cope. We gladly said yes. It made me feel safe though I still followed my two-hour interval of pumping and feeding to condition my body to adjust to Elise’ needs. 

Two weeks postpartum and I started feeling the baby blues creep in. Thoughts of doubt and feelings of despair consumed me. Will this ever get better? Will I ever be able to go back to my life? Is this all I do now? When will I be able to sleep again? But I pushed myself and just continued on doing my routine every single day. It didn’t help that we had small spills of pumped milk here and there. You do really cry over spilled milk, even if it’s just 5 ml worth.

Elise’ latch was still poor. It took us more than five minutes just to get a good latch. The frustration was mutual and we often cry simultaneously at the start of every feed. We are on and off the nipple shields as my lactation consultant told us we need to wean her off slowly so she can get the optimal benefits of breastfeeding without it. It prevented her from having the full breastfeeding experience and also hindered milk from being suckled efficiently.

We were following baby-led feeding and it made me scared of my own child – I feared my own child! Every after feed, for a split second, there’s relief that it’s done, followed immediately by dread & the agony of waiting for the next feed. 

Needless to say, I was stressed out. They say you need to be relaxed to induce milk production and maintain your supply. HOW?

What also made it difficult was finding the right position for us to feed. She seemed only comfortable with the cradle hold. She would always cry when we do side-lying, and it’s too time-consuming to arrange pillows for a football hold. We got ourselves a LaZboy and it’s the best investment ever.

As if it’s not enough to be drained physically, I was also mentally depleted. I read countless articles, even medical journals, to find answers as to how to increase my milk and at the same time reassurances that I won’t get mastitis if I oversupply. I was going from one end of the spectrum to the other. I was so confused I didn’t know which, from the countless advices I’ve heard, to follow. I made Kellymom.com and Livingwithlowmilksupply.com my best friends, when what really helped was talking to my husband who never failed to talk me out of my spinning head and reassure me of my daily progress. He was and is my sanity.

Cup feeding took its toll and I introduced her the bottle after only a month. She immediately took it and it was the first time ever she looked satisfied after a feeding. That day, I concluded she’d be happier with the bottle than feeding directly on me. It would be easier to pump at a schedule (my schedule) instead of waiting on her hunger to strike anytime. By doing this, I’d have more freedom and control and I can finally say goodbye to my nipple cream, the savior of my sore and cracked nipples.

The next day, we tried this. I was going to exclusively pump and just feed her the bottle. But during the first pump of the day, after ten minutes into the pumping session, Elise cried. Our nanny was warming up the bottle and she won’t stop crying. I remember feeling helpless, stuck on my pump, waiting for the twentieth minute to come so I can finally console my daughter. This happened three times that morning. 

I couldn’t take it to the point of retreating from my decision to exclusively pump and offered her my breasts again. She refused them, looking for the bottle that provided her a faster milk flow. I cried uncontrollably, hating myself for ever thinking I was okay to lose my bond with her through breastfeeding. The next couple of days, we went cold turkey on the bottle and “unli-latched” since then, and went back to cup feeding her expressed milk. 

One month postpartum and I found myself waking up each day with a feeling of doom. Is it another day of this? Or is today the day it gets better? For 3 months, the answer was always no. During this time, I was most prayerful. I begged God to lessen my suffering and grant me comfort, as I didn’t know how else to go on. Don’t get me wrong, Elise has given me so much joy and I don’t think I suffered from PPD. I enjoyed and found fulfillment in all other aspects of motherhood. But breastfeeding? It was excruciating. 

It helped that I forced myself out of the house to get some fresh air and perspective. To feel like I’m still part of society and my use isn’t confined in the walls of our home. 

The only silver lining at two months postpartum was Elise’ rapid weight gain that made me relax and bring down my pumping interval to 3 hours instead of two. I also experienced a little bit of normalcy when I get to leave home for work and just pump. Though I’d find myself in the strangest places especially when I do not have control where my next makeup job venue will be. I’d lay tissues in hotel bathrooms and sit on the toilet to pump for 20 minutes. My milk started stabilizing at 90 ml every 3 hours. I didn’t feel safe still so I continued taking in my fenugreek and malunggay supplements together with home-cooked meals from my mom like halaan, malunggay soup and mother’s milk tea from my sister in law. To have a strong support system is such a big blessing. My mom generously supplied me with all the food I needed and my sister in law who also just gave birth communicated with me each day, making sure I’m okay physically and mentally. I asked her almost everything I needed to know about motherhood.

We started introducing one bottle daily and she didn’t have a problem with nipple confusion this time. My milk supply already stabilized at 4 oz output every 3 hours.

Finally, we encountered a good problem for a change. There was no more space in our existing freezer for our milk. We decided to finally get a deep chest freezer to accommodate it and also because my first few bags thawed when our other existing freezer automatically defrosted. Lots of tears were shed that afternoon.

Three months postpartum and it got a little better. I had more time than just for a quick shower and a five-minute meal. I didn’t find the need to pump so much anymore as Elise didn’t need to be supplemented expressed milk as her weight gain stabilized. My nipples were still sore and blisters came and went every now and then.

I’d still wake up wondering when she’d feed less, and she did at just around 30 minutes instead of 40. And then, the most amazing thing happened – she started sleeping through the night! First at six hours, then eight then ten! Did I sleep straight as she did? Nope. The paranoid momma went on to pump every four hours in fear of mastitis. With one pumping session before I sleep that gets me 120 ml or 4 oz of output, then a dream feed from Elise at 1am or 2am on one boob and a haakaa on the other that gathers around 2-3 oz of milk, I was able to build a huge milk stash. 

Four months postpartum and the day finally arrived – the day when I found myself excited to spend the day with her instead of dreading breastfeeding. She’s feeding for a shorter duration at 20 minutes, still as frequent as every 2 to 3 hours, but sleeps through most of the nights. I got to relax a bit and was able to catch up on my TV series!

Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, things changed. Elise no longer wanted the bottle. What to do with a halfway full 5.5 cu ft deep freezer? Up to this day, we are humbled to be given the opportunity to share our milk to preemies and other babies in need. 

We’ve decided to have me stay home with her as much as possible or bring her with me when I really need to be out as she now prefers the breast. You’d be surprised how breastfeeding-friendly establishments are nowadays, providing nursing stations for the privacy of their patrons. I’ve grown to find comfort in those spaces but I’ve gained enough courage now to just breastfeed her with a nursing cover anywhere in public as I don’t want to excuse myself all the time at social gatherings anymore.

Five months postpartum and she has been retrained into taking the bottle. She takes in less with it but at least she accepts it now. She feeds directly on me whenever we are home and things have been looking up lately. I’m weaning off my pump at night as I don’t need to secure a stash anymore. From 20 minutes, I only pump for 10 minutes or until my breasts feel comfortable. I’m hoping I can drop this pumping session soon without getting engorged.

She has also reduced her time on the breasts for just 10-15 minutes per feed now. Going six months, I find myself being able to do more. I’m gradually getting my freedom back, able to attend to other things than just Elise without feeling like I’m always running out of time. She’s growing at a steady pace and my pedia’s perfectly happy with her health. We get to do other things too than just feed! I’ve also started to miss and look forward to our breastfeeding time especially when I’m out for long. 

Direct breastfeeding has become easier now than bottle feeding. We don’t need to bring bottles when we’re out with her or clean mountains of bottles and pump parts. She regulates the milk I produce and there’s no more fear of undersupply or oversupply. I’m beyond amazed as to how the female body endures! It seemed easier to exclusively pump at the start as you can have more freedom and control. But I will never trade the teamwork and bond Elise and I have established. I thank her everyday for her patience and determination to stay on track with me.

Looking back, what would I have done differently? I would have trusted my body more and believed that it will follow Elise’s demand. I would’ve slept more and focused less on the output I’m getting from my pump. I would’ve enjoyed the early weeks of motherhood more with the faith that God will provide abundance when we show Him that we are also doing our part. 

[mmabathompho]

Food for Thought

WHY LADIES ARE FAILING TO GET MARRIED: Girls who are not looking for marriage are stumbling on it AND those who are desperate for it can’t find it. Generally speaking, ladies in our society divide their adult lives into four distinct phases. PHASE ONE: Play time (Age 19-22) This is a period where, Cyndi Lauper’s song says, “girls just wanna have fun”. When a man asks her out, she comes along with three of her roommates and wonders why he was frowning throughout the evening and drinking only water. She shares almost all her mischief with her friends and they have a good laugh over it. At this stage of their lives, girls see men as playthings; During this phase, any suggestion of a serious relationship is dismissed with the contempt reserved for fun-spoilers. PHASE TWO: Open time (Age 23-28). In this period, girls still want to have fun, but not just fun. They want to have fun with a purpose. They are looking to grow in love and get married (in that order). At this stage, her ideal man is no longer a set of qualities she wants, BUT a workmate, a churchmate, a gymmate…in other words, someone within. She knows him and sees him frequently. As she gets dangerously close to 28 and the man of her fantasies is not any closer to making a move, she widens her net. Then she starts bidding. Her open bidding process lasts a year without a single bid, then reality hits. She looks back at all the bidders she threw out without consideration and none of them looks back. In fact, most of them are probably happily married or inviting her to their wedding meetings. Tick, tack, tick, tack…Time is going.......... PHASE THREE: Desperation time (Age 29-33) She is now 29, which means 30 is just 365 days away. As the days go by, she forgets that marriage involves two people. She tries to take the bull by the horns, so to speak. Now she can only date ‘serious’ people. And this creates two discernible dangers for her. 1. Her definition of a serious man is one who is willing to have the second date at her parent’s home, and the third date at their wedding reception. Any man who can be rushed like that is either a very old man or a conman. 2. At this stage, a girl has lost the ability to fall in love, all she wants is to fall in marriage. Men notice this attitude from a distance and take off. PHASE FOUR: Single motherhood (Ages 33 ---------) When the prospect of marriage seems to be vanishing with the horizon, it’s time to look for any prospective man He must be responsible, good looks are an added advantage. Remember those distinct phases; Play time, Open time, Desperation time and Single motherhood. Anyone who has been through campus knows all about the nightmare of registration. You get to the faculty and there is a queue of students waiting to enlist. Exams are around the corner and you must complete the process in time or you miss out. But the lady in charge of the registration process looks tired, bored, demotivated and desperate. Hanging above her desk is a notice that reads: “A delay on your part does not constitute an emergency on ours.” And she has a point. The office was open throughout the semester but no one showed up to register until the final few days. And now we expected her to jump up and down at our work. Back to the subject of marriage. From my observation, girls who end up in stable marriages are those who use their Open Time wisely. But so many girls tend to abuse their Open Time in one of the following ways. 1. The dream man In every group,there is a man who is seen as the ideal husband for most girls. He is the man of their fantasies. The trouble is; that prize man is being eyed by twenty girls; all of whom are hoping to win the race. He plays ‘good friend’ to all the girls and keeps them hanging on the cross of hope.When he eventually proposes to one, he leaves nineteen others flat on their faces. Their Open Time is coming to an end and Desperation Time is knocking on the door. 2. Ideal vs Available Then they wake up to the realisation that they wasted their Open Time. So when she wakes up from her disappointment, all the men who were interested in her, the men whose proposals she threw out, have moved on and they seem happily married. If only one of them would come back she would gladly take him in, but none of them returns. 4. A delay on your part… Like those men don’t want to talk about marriage on the first or fourth date. They don’t want to meet your parents before they are well acquainted with you. Don’t expect the world to align itself to your desperation. There are certain things you cannot push; the only pushing you will do is pushing prospective husbands away from U. Now for some advice: * Don’t waste your open time pursuing a so-called dream man. He is probably not worth it. A dream man today might turn out to be a loser tomorrow. That’s usually the case. Remember those men whom you celebrated in Secondary School. Where are they now? The man you turn down today because he doesn’t meet your lofty aspirations might turn out as the dream man tomorrow. If you cannot catch a buffalo, settle for an antelope. * Remember, the people who are desperate did not end up that way because they didn’t have opportunities; no....... they ended up that way because they spurned their opportunities. * God doesn’t see us for what we are, He sees us for what we can be. Girls, hold the same attitude when considering prospective husbands.

[pamphletstoinspire]

Pope Francis on Mary’s ‘Yes’ - Part 3

Mary, Mother to Us All

I simply cannot observe or smell aromatic lilacs without thinking of Mother’s Day and recalling with vivid memory the precious time spent with my mother, my grandmother, and, later on, with my beloved children.

When I was growing up, I spent many a spring day with my mother and grandmother playing near the weeping willow trees and the hedge of lilac bushes that stretched all across our backyard. Luscious lilac scents were roused with every stirring spring breeze; tantalizing my senses and etching a long-lasting childhood memory upon my heart.

When I became a mother, my Mother’s Days were never complete until at least one of my children presented me with a bouquet of fresh lilacs, usually plucked right from a backyard bush. They would adorn our kitchen table and fill the house with amazing fragrance.

With Mother's Day having just passed, our thoughts might be reminiscent of times enjoyed with our mothers, our spiritual mothers, or mother figures in our lives. The month of May can also draw our attention to our dear Mother in heaven. Yet, I suspect that many might fear that Mary is unapproachable because she seems so far away. After all, she is the Mother of God! What do we have in common with her?

We should remember that it was her Divine Son, Jesus, who gave us the eminent gift of his Mother even as he was dying on the cross: “Then he said to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother’” (John 19:27).

Saint John Paul II reminds us, “From the time when ‘the disciple took her to his own home,’ the mystery of the spiritual motherhood of Mary has been actualized boundlessly in history. Motherhood means caring for the life of the child. Since Mary is the mother of us all, her care for the life of man is universal” he said.

We can all understand the universal care of our Mother in Heaven for us or, at the very least, the longing for that spiritual motherly care in our lives. The Blessed Mother’s love and care is especially healing for those whose own biological mothers were unwilling or unable to provide authentic self-giving love. Mother Mary loves us all with a pure, selfless, and steadfast motherly love. She tirelessly calls to our hearts and souls. Her utmost aim is to bring us to her Son.

Mother Mary’s care is rooted in the Holy Spirit. Saint John Paul II tells us, “The care of a mother embraces her child totally. Mary’s motherhood has its beginning in her motherly care for Christ. In Christ, at the foot of the cross, she accepted John, and in John she accepted all of us totally. Mary embraces us all with special solicitude in the Holy Spirit. For as we profess in our Creed, he is ‘the giver of life.’ It is he who gives the fullness of life, open towards eternity” he explained.

Our Lady of Fatima

We are living in such an important anniversary year — the 100th anniversary of Our Lady’s apparitions at Fatima, Portugal! We can come to understand the messages and reasons for Our Lady’s visits in Fatima, Portugal, when we reflect on Mary’s humble, loving service right from the start—at the Annunciation, at the wedding feast at Cana, and at foot of the Cross. Through her life in Scripture, we see how Mother Mary wants to protect us and draw us to her Son.

We can visit the shrine at Fatima to experience the spiritual love and care of our Mother and Queen of Heaven, just as we can also experience that same spiritual mothering within each and every Hail Mary we utter sincerely from our hearts, and with every Rosary prayed.

Mother Mary is right there with us, granting her graces and lovingly pushing us forth —always towards her Son Jesus, so that we will be able to continue each day to put one foot in front of the other to walk in faith. Mary is not unreachable! She is with us even now! Don’t fear calling out to her.

Let’s be mindful to do our part of Our Lady’s messages. We are called to pray the daily Rosary and to offer reparation for sinners. My dear friend and Fatima expert, Fr. Andrew Apostoli, C.F.R. remarked, “Our Lady called her children to live holy lives of prayer and penance. This is missing in many people’s lives today. They reject sacrifice because they’re attached to the world and so cannot allow Jesus into their lives. If we follow what Our Lady is asking, we will find ourselves close to Jesus.”

Mother Mary’s ‘Dwelling Places’

Saint John Paul II spoke about Mary’s spiritual motherhood and her “dwelling places” during his homily when visiting Fatima on the sixty-fifth anniversary when he was there to give thanks to her for saving his life exactly one year earlier and to celebrate her message at Fatima. He said: Mary’s spiritual motherhood is therefore a sharing in the power of the Holy Spirit, of “the giver of life.” It is the humble service of her who says of herself: “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord” (Luke 1:38).

In the light of the mystery of Mary’s spiritual motherhood, let us seek to understand the extraordinary message, which began on May 13, 1917, to resound throughout the world from Fatima, continuing through October of the same year.

He went on to explain how Mother Mary comes to meet us. It makes me think of Mary’s loving gestures in being “the handmaid of the Lord” when visiting her cousin Elizabeth during her own pregnancy — putting aside her own pregnancy discomforts to help someone in need. The pontiff said:

Mary’s motherhood in our regard is manifested in a particular way in the places where she meets us: her dwelling places; places in which a special presence of the Mother is felt. There are many such dwelling places. They are of all kinds: from a special corner in the home or little wayside shrines adorned with an image of the Mother of God, to chapels and churches built in her honor.

In certain places, however, the Mother’s presence is felt in a particularly vivid way. These places sometimes radiate their light over a great distance and draw people from afar. Their radiance may extend over a diocese, a whole nation, or at times over several countries and even continents. These places are the Marian sanctuaries or shrines.

In all these places, that unique testament of the Crucified Lord is wonderfully actualized: in them man feels that he is entrusted and confided to Mary; he goes there in order to be with her, as with his Mother, he opens his heart to her and speaks to her about everything: he “takes her to his own home,” that is to say, he brings her into all his problems, which at times are difficult. His own problems and those of others. The problems of the family, of societies, of nations and of the whole of humanity.

These are wonderful and poignant words to ponder in our hearts. We can certainly go to Mary with our own concerns. We can sit on her lap and pour out our hearts to her like a child would sit on his or her mother’s lap. She will listen. She’s our Mother. We should take some time to meditate upon Mary’s “dwelling places” in our lives. Is our heart her “dwelling place”? Can it be?

Mother Mary in Our Lives

Do we take time to think about the Blessed Mother? Life is busy. But we should carve a bit more time to learn more about her and ponder her life through Scripture, through prayer, and the writings of the saints. When we are in need of peace in our own life, do we pray to the Blessed Mother, seeking her intercession?

One time when I had to be on complete bed rest during a precarious pregnancy in which my doctor told me I was losing my baby, my spiritual mother, Mother Teresa, whom I was very blessed to know for about 10 years sent me a Miraculous Medal and offered some simple, yet powerful, prayers. I had lost three babies to miscarriage before that pregnancy, and the doctors had warned that the outcome to this particular pregnancy was not looking very promising. I had to keep still and keep praying for God’s holy will — whatever that would be. I was put in a position in which I needed to totally trust God.

A prayer that Mother Teresa taught me during that difficult time has stayed with me: “Mary, Mother of Jesus, be Mother to me now.” We certainly need Mary now. I prayed that prayer quite a bit and did my best to trust God. My daughter Mary-Catherine was born after a long nine months of staying still to preserve her life. She is twenty-five years old today! Amazingly, my first books were born out of that pregnancy. God certainly knew what He was doing by putting me still!

We might ask ourselves in what area of our lives is God asking us to trust Him now? Ask Mary to be Mother to you and lead you closer to the Sacred Heart of her Son! She will.

In the month of May when spring flowers are shooting up from previously unadorned soil, bright yellow forsythia blooms are bursting forth, and spring breezes are wafting the aromatic lilacs scents all around, take a moment to pause and ponder Mother Mary in your life. Ask her to draw you closer to her Immaculate Heart. As well, take the initiative to reach out to a mother figure and express your appreciation for her love and care in your life. Now is the time.

Written by: Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle