#god one day i'll be able to articulate to understand how much i feel about this story

[19011301180905]

😭😭😭😭😭😭THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A J NO SUBETE STAGEPLAY WHAT THE FUCKKK 😭😭😭😭😭 I WOULDN'T HAVE SEEN IT BUT I'M FEELING SO OVERWHELEMED RIGHT NOW FOR NO REASON 😭😭😭😭😭

J AND PAUL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

but for all seriousness, i'm disappointed that j is played by a man. rita herself is played by a trans man so i'm sure that they would have had no problem with hiring a trans woman for the role

[rabbitsrants]

PROOF THAT SHINRAN IS ONE OF THE MOST BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN ROMANCES OF ALL TIME - PART 3

if you haven't already read the posts i've linked down below, please make sure to do so before you proceed, cause they're important for context. thank you so much in advance!

CLICK HERE FOR PART 1

CLICK HERE FOR PART 2

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER

as i've already explained in my disclaimer, my ultimate goal with this masterlist is to prove how well written shinran is - it's to demonstrate that they're unquestionably each other's half and the heart of the dcmk universe.

people often minimize the importance that shinichi and ran have in each other's lives by labeling them as boring, predictable "childhood sweethearts" which couldn't be further from the truth.

so far we've established that

1) shinichi doesn't fall for ran gradually, which is what usually happens with dcmk childhood friends, he knows right away that ran's something special.

2) even though they share the same core values, their personalities are very different, which has a positive effect on them individually: ran gets shinichi to come out of his shell and contributes to his emotional growth, while shinichi grounds ran and helps her articulate her feelings.

now it's time to analyze the part i teased in part two already:

they share a soul

god, where do i even begin? this post is probably going to be ridiculously long but it's by far the most crucial part of my analysis, so please bear with me. cause as far as i'm concerned? this is the main reason why shinichi and ran belong together.

don't get me wrong, love at first sight is a beautiful concept and i deeply appreciate the fact that shinichi and ran complement each other, however, they aren't the only dcmk duo that brings out the best in each other.

what sets them apart from other dcmk dynamics in the most meaningful way is the undeniable fact that their hearts are one and the same. but what is that even supposed to mean? let's break it down, shall we?

their intuition

this segment of the break-down deserves its own post, because there are countless instances of shinichi and ran showcasing incredible instincts, but i'll try to keep it concise for now. both shin and ran arguably have a sixth sense. that's already fascinating on its own, but what i'm really trying to home in on is that their intuition offers them great insight into other people's souls. sometimes i get the impression they carry a compass that points at people and tells them who's trustworthy and who's not.

chapter 22

chapter 892

ran has so many reasons to doubt takeshi and shinichi has so many reasons to doubt amuro, but they instinctively know they can trust them. shinichi even feels safe enough to confront amuro, which is incredible, cause my boy takes a huge risk by directly questioning his allegiance.

idk about y'all but i think that's beautiful. it reminds me of an amazing quote from a famous philosopher:

their souls are pure. which is why they're able to recognize that quality in other people and each other.

their optimism

despite all the darkness that shinichi and ran face every single day, they have a really optimistic outlook on life. ngl, their unwavering positivity makes me extremely emotional.

chapter 252

shinichi gets shot by criminals and he's slowly bleeding to death. the detective boys feel like it's their fault that shin got hurt, they blame themselves and feel hopeless. my boy is in pain, he's fighting for his life, he's probably even scared, it'd be more than understandable if he saw their point and regretted the unfortunate situation they found themselves in. but he doesn't:

he chooses to look on the bright side. even in death.

which, fortunately, gets the detective boys out of their dark way of thinking. shin helps them understand that, yes, they're on a bumpy road, but at least it's leading somewhere.

chapter 780

shinichi gets a culprit to reveal he's from the kansai region by successfully provoking him with a fake accent, but shin doesn't just piss off the culprit, he also pisses off kazuha and heiji, so kazuha begins to wonder whether people from the kansai region are narrow-minded and ran's perspective is something i did NOT see coming:

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE THIS ADORABLE AND WISE?!

just like shinichi ran's able to offer kazuha a surprisingly positive outlook on her concerns, which genuinely makes her feel better.

there are many instances of their unshakable optimism and the effect it has on others, it's really beautiful to examine.

i recommend y'all look into it on your own, cause in this part of my masterlist i merely have the space to touch on shared traits like their great intuition and firm optimism, but now it's time to get into the biggest and most important portion of this analysis!

their idealism

i hope y'all read the disclaimer i've linked at the beginning! if you haven't, i urge you to read it before you continue with this post!

shinrans shared idealism is something i've already mentioned in part two of my masterlist, but there's so much more to say about it:

i'd argue that it's the main thing that connects them. not to shade my own children, but they value justice and human life so much, for most people, including me, it sometimes borders on stupidity.

but that's the thing, shinichi kudo and ran mouri aren't most people.

cause most dcmk characters 1) don't initially share their virtues and 2) question their admittedly heroic but also terribly reckless actions, whereas shinichi and ran support and admire each other because of it. because they're the same.

i'm about to give a few examples of shinichi and ran being the most idealistic characters in the manga and for the purpose of full context, i have to showcase the contrast between shinran's morals and the values of other characters. i appreciate and care about every single character who's brought up in the next part of my essay, so don't take this post as an invitation for hostility towards them, that's not my goal, okay? okay. let's proceed.

a) sense of justice and heroism

chapter 239-240

shinichi impulsively investigates the black organization. haibara repeatedly reminds him that he's being reckless and putting himself in danger, she even mocks his strong sense of justice and initially refuses to join his investigation because she's smart and values self preservation. haibara ends up joining him after all, but keeps urging him to drop his investigation and leave with her.

i don't blame her one bit for her approach to the situation... truth be told, her reaction makes a lot more sense to me than shinichi's 😂 but that's because i share her pragmatism.

at this point in the manga shinichi and haibara have zero support. neither the fbi, nor the cia is helping them. it's incredibly dangerous for them to go after the black organization completely alone and it's not just unsafe for them individually either, it's risky for everyone they care about. their exposure would endanger a lot of people, including agasa, ran, kogoro, the detective boys, etc...

and safety concerns aside, why would she care about justice in that situation anyway? how could she, a teen who's trapped in a child's body, possibly hold the black organization accountable without any help?

so yeah, i strongly believe that if you look at the situation logically, haibara's point of view makes a lot more sense than shinichi's and it's fair of her to choose safety over justice, especially when the latter seems so impossible achieve.

too bad that shinichi doesn't give a flying fuck about things like common sense or self preservation. he's completely driven by idealism, it's what defines him as a person, in more ways than one. the only person in the dcmk universe who accurately mirrors his righteousness is ran mouri and it expresses itself through countless parallels that completely contrast haibara's position in chapter 239-240

chapter 44

shinichi pretty much lashes out at the murderer for personal reasons which i dive into here. on top of that, he's passionately opposed to the culprit's idea of using justice as a reason for murder and guess what? ran unsurprisingly feels the same way:

chapter 313

the obvious observation here is that their speeches are remarkably alike, but what i find even more fascinating is the fact that the killers react so similarly. shinran's sense of justice is so powerful, it doesn't just guide their own actions, it even moves morally corrupt people and holds them accountable.

furthermore, the concept of personal safety is completely lost on both shinichi and ran lol.

they constantly risk their lives for other people, including haibara, who, as we already established, initially disregards heroism.

chapter 289

chapter 434

AHHHHH!!! THE PARALLELS ARE KILLING ME

anyway, i'm not trying to undermine the beauty and complexity of haibara's character, she's incredibly well written and i think it's important to emphasize that she's actually attempting to sacrifice herself in both of these chapters.

i actually really appreciate the fact that haibara is this complicated person with a rough background who slowly figures out her values with the help of her friends, imo it gives her layers.

i'm simply pointing out that upon her initial introduction her virtues instinctively differ from shinran's, it takes her some time to grow into the same kind of heroism that shinichi and ran display from the get-go. because they inspire her. but i'll go over that in a minute.

b) they value human life

one of shinichi's main attributes has always been his profound interest in human life. it's a quality that i never questioned until recently because i always figured it was due to his work as a detective.

but the more i think about it, the less it works as an explanation because we know a lot of detectives in the dcmk universe who don't share his interest in protecting people at all costs.

interestingly enough, there is a character who shares his passion but it's not someone who professionally deals with human life - it's just a compassionate, tenderhearted girl who instinctively wants to keep others safe no matter what.

chapter 1026

ran saves a murderer from suicide

which reminds me of shinichi attempting to do the same in another chapter:

chapter 67

he tries so hard... but unlike ran he ultimately fails.

and who's there to comfort him? who's the only person in the whole world who naturally understands his sorrow, who truly knows how valuable human life is and wants to protect it just as much as he does? ran. of course it's ran.

and it will always be ran.

having said that, analyzing shinran's idealism is beyond fascinating to me because i rarely share their virtues or courage. my values are more aligned with the rest of the dcmk universe:

chapter 153

shinichi notices that a culprit is about to kill herself and gets in the way of her plans. heiji's response resonates with me a lot.

CAUSE YEAH, what's the point of keeping someone alive against their will? isn't that infinitely crueler than just letting them die? maybe.

but shinichi and ran don't give a fuck lol. they don't stop the murderers suicide attempts because they're heartless though. it's the opposite, really.

as we already established, both shinichi and ran are optimists at heart, so they believe or least hope that people can always better themselves. i think that's the main reason why the interfere.

besides, shinichi and ran simply care too much about justice - they need culprits to be held accountable and they respect human life too much to allow suicide.

again, do i share their passionate interest in human life? LOL, hell no. i think very few people are capable of being that idealistic. most people, including me, value innocent life but shinichi and ran? they value life regardless of innocence and on top of that, they even value the lives of people who ARE ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL THEM

chapter 773

a man is threatening to bomb the detective agency, he could kill ran, kogoro and sera within SECONDS and what does my girl ran do? yeah, she saves his life, LOL!

she's already in immense danger and she's seconds away from being saved, but she goes out of her way and puts herself even more at risk, just to save a guy who's threatening her life. WHY?!

because that's just who she is.

understandably, sera is baffled. she doesn't get it.

which makes sense, cause, again, there's only one character in the entire manga who truly understands ran and passionately agrees with her principles and that's shinichi kudo:

their idealism never wavers. it's perplexing for characters like haibra, heiji, sera and even for me as a reader. it's also extremely inspiring though. which brings me to my next point!

c) they inspire others

chapter 239

remember how haibara initially refuses to join shinichi during his investigation? guess what changes her mind...

even though haibara mocks shinichi's idealism and admittedly doesn't understand it in the beginning, it does get her thinking.

she grows up under terrible circumstances which force her to prioritize her safety over human life, but after watching shinichi for a while, she comes to the realization that she no longer has to live that way.

his unshakable idealism fascinates and encourages her, she's reminded that she has choices now and suddenly she finds herself wanting to do better.

but shinichi isn't the only person who helps her evolve in a pretty significant way:

chapter 313

ran's speech about justice and courage deeply moves haibara in the same way it affects the culprit.

her speech doesn't just give haibra the courage to finally introduce herself to ran after months of avoiding her (for reasons i'll get into in part four of my masterlist) i'd argue it also contributes to her finally facing the black organization in chapter 434

while shinichi helps haibara understand that she has choices now and urges her not to run from her fate, ran motivates haibara to be courageous and face her fate. it's actually incredible how much they help haibara, just by being themselves.

chapter 398-400

check out the blog of my wonderful friend aracaeli who recently brought attention to an extremely underrated chapter which emphasizes that ran doesn't just affect characters like haibara, she even inspires her other half shinichi, which is a remarkable accomplishment, considering their morals are generally completely aligned.

ran's idealism knows no bounds. how could it not move people? especially someone like haibara who's just starting to get familiar with the concept of friendship.

in this chapter ran's idealism inspires countless people (shinichi, haibara, the detective boys, the murderer) it says so much about her character and it's such a touching reading experience.

chapter 153

remember how heiji understandably regrets saving the murderer from suicide after seeing her devastating reaction? shinichi knows exactly what to say:

AGAIN, personally, i don't even blame heiji for his initial views. frankly, i agree with them! but it's really hard not to be affected by shinichi's powerful words. i can see how they could completely change the mindset of a passionate detective like heiji. and they do.

chapter 188

to the point that heiji's willing to risk his life because of them...

chapter 774

even sera, who can be a bit morally corrupt at times, is impressed with ran's strong virtues:

but that's to be expected, considering that shinichi and ran even had an impact on vermouth who's an established, ruthless serial killer.

i know, i already extensively talked about the new york case in part two, but it's such an important chapter for shinran that i feel the need to bring it up again, especially if it's going to continue the wonderful discourse i've been having about it with amazing bloggers like sakublogs who i urge you to check out!

chapter 353

this case is so, so special to me because it fundamentally captures the essence of shinran.

vermouth is about to take ran's life but the railing she is leaning on breaks and she's about fall to her impending doom... until ran intuitively grabs her arm and tries to save her:

you'd think that shinichi would urge ran to let go, cause that's what any rational person would do, right? but he doesn't. instead he assists ran. again, WHY?

because... they can't fucking help themselves. because THAT'S JUST WHO THEY ARE.

shinichi and ran are completely led by their intuition, optimism and idealism. nobody values justice, courage and human life the way do, it's in their bones and hearts, it's not something they grow into, it's in their nature.

their spiritual connection is their most defining quality as a couple and it's the reason why i'm convinced that shinran is gosho's best written ship and beyond that, one of the most brilliantly written romances of all time.

it's difficult to do shinran justice in condensed essays like this, but i hope i was able to illustrate their amazing personalities and offer some insight into their captivating bond.

it's why i've been closely following their story since my early childhood. they have the same effect on me they have on other dcmk characters. shinichi and ran inspire me, they touch my soul and restore my faith in people. they're not just a cute couple - they're a symbol of hope.

vermouth puts it best:

visit the shinran library for more

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Hi! I adore your analyses.

If it isn't too much to ask, I would love to hear about your general approach to analyzing works. I wanna learn how to analyze things better from other people, and I really like the way you methodically break things down.

In other words, pls sensei teach me your ways HAHAHA

No trouble if you can't, though! Your blog is always a joy.

Have a wonderful day!

Sensei... 🫢

Ah, thank you, this is really flattering! I don't think I really do anything that special. Honestly, all it is was that I got misinterpreted a lot when I was younger and it made it difficult for me to express myself - so I ended up creating something of a system which I found seems to make things clear to others!

I can do a quick overview of it, for sure! I hope it helps! (It's under the cut :D)

Tip 1: Analyze things you love.

Look, this isn't school and I'm not a literary critic. I don't bother forcing myself to analyze things I'm just not feeling. Sometimes, I'll really enjoy something, but have nothing to say about it in particular. (Ex. Akutagawa. I adore him but for some reason don't feel compelled to analyze him as much... even though he's this blog's pfp...) That's not a commentary on the character/media nor my engagement with it. No need to analyze something you don't particularly care to - these write ups take a fair amount of time and effort, so you'll want to have enough raw energy at the start to sustain yourself. You should want to talk about it, is what I'm saying.

Tip 2: Understand the core themes of the story.

I cannot stress this enough! It's so important. The best stories will have their characters, plot arcs and settings all serve to enhance the major themes of the story in some way - figure out what these themes are, and keep them in the back of your mind. I think of themes like a filter - it should change the way you look at the story, and with any luck, draw a lot of seemingly loose threads together in interesting and surprising ways. There are typically about 2-3 major ones (Ex. BSD - living through uncertainty, good as a choice / Trigun - morality and autonomy, life after loss / Hatoful - love as salvation or corruption / there are other themes of course, these are just examples). From this point on, assume you have your "themes filter" active for completing the other tips.

Tip 3: Pick a small detail and think about "Why" and "How".

See, I used to go too big when doing analyses. I used to try and analyze everything there was to examine in one go, and it would become unwieldy and just have far too much information for me to juggle and process. So, it's better to start small. What's something that caught your attention? What was something you liked? Was there anything that confused you? Pick one thing... then ask yourself why and how. Why did I like this? Why did this character act in that way? How does this aspect of the story work? Etc. This will be your topic!

Tip 4: Read other people's thoughts.

I know we all hate going into tags and seeing some of the worst takes out there... so I don't actually do that. I only look through meta and theory tags, and most of those are done by people who put a lot of time and care into their theory crafting, so they at least usually bring the receipts. It always helps to read other's opinions. This is just a good thing in general - you need to open yourself up to different views. Even if you don't agree, you might be better able to articulate why you don't. There's some god-tier stuff in these theory tags, you just gotta look. :)

Tip 5: Pay attention to context and setting.

For most of the stories I analyze, the characters do not exist in a world or situation that is comparable to mine. Asking yourself "where did this character come from?" "what's the overall state of the world they inhabit?" "were this character's experiences different or similar to the rest of the cast? different or similar to their childhoods?" - this is really going to help you understand motivation, far more than core personality traits will alone. (Ex. remember that BSD is a newly post-war society. Tensions are still high. People are being hired at young ages. A lot of people grew up in the slums, and violence is common. How did the different characters interact with this world? What sides might one character have seen to this world that another didn't?)

Also, it's good to at least be somewhat aware of the author and the context they created their story in. Many of the works I analyze are from Japan. It's good to know where a work is from - typically you're going to see at least some expression of cultural values, and I find this is helpful to keep in mind. Some decisions made in story will make a lot more sense when you remember the story's place of origin.

Looking at author influences is also helpful! BSD has a great built-in source of background info, since the entire premise incorporates classic literature. This can be an excellent supplementary source!

Tip 6: Tell a story with your analysis.

Again, I'm doing this for fun. I'm not a literary academic, so I try to use conversational flow. I tend to write like I'm speaking - in fact, this is very much how I talk in real life. It's up to you the tone you set in your writing - just make it something that flows naturally. You can always go back and re-read it if something seems unclear.

What I mean by story is to break your analysis up into chunks. There's no hard and fast rule on how to do this. You can see a clear example of it in my "Dazai Likes People" post, which was long enough that I bolded the sections. It should have a beginning, middle, and end, roughly - beginning where you say what you want to analyze or lead into it somehow, middle (which I typically break up into individual topics), and the end, which honestly is just a rephrasing of the beginning (or sometimes I just leave it out). Sometimes, to break things up I'll add quotes or images that help me with my points; these serve as visual interest so the reader is not faced with a continuous wall of text. Bolding and italicizing key points can also do the trick.

A good way to see if the analysis flows is to see if you can say "so then..." between each paragraph. (Ex. Point 1 -> "so then..." -> Point 2 -> "so then..." -> Point 3, etc.) Each point should flow into the next - I try to make something of a narrative out of it. (It's why the word "so" pops up a lot in my analyses haha.) I'm sorry, I feel like this is the part that's the hardest to explain in a way that's easy to follow. It's mostly practice, really. It's also subjective how you want your analysis to read.

Tip 7: Fact check!

I hate spreading misinformation. Mostly because it's frustrating to have constructed a theory only to get called out that it's based on something misremembered, but also because, as a science student, I'm really mindful of keeping track of my sources. Always have your sources on hand! I spend at least three re-reads of my analyses consulting books, episodes, and manga to ensure that everything I've added is correct. (I might go a bit overboard with it sometimes... I can be a bit paranoid about this...)

And finally, my Golden Rule: ✨Explanation, not Justification!✨

If you have no other takeaway from this post, please remember this! Every character in the story should have their actions be explainable! This does not mean justifiable! Explanation is not just logic, and should always take into account character values, emotions, and situation. This will help prevent analyzing characters only from the perspective of relatability, and is very useful when analyzing antagonists/villains.

Character analysis is always about drawing a throughline between motivation and action. It's not about whether you would do the same, or whether you agree, or whether it is a choice you would forgive.

Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. This is true in fiction, and it's also true in real life. I try to always keep this in mind.

I hope this was helpful to you, or to anyone who might want to read it!

[mylordshesacactus]

Meta writing ask! 2, 19, 23, 24.

2: Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

Reunification is about to start an arc I've been excited about since I started the fic, so it's very annoying that I've been struggling to write it. XD

I also...really want to be able to do meaningful work on that Loresingers project. I got some concept writing done but with everything else going on and no one to rubber-duck to, it's been hard to get traction.

19: Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

YES, YES, JO'S LOYAL LIEUTENANT TROPE, WE'VE ALL SEEN IT.

23: What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

Oh lmao that's definitely Aquarius. Which, hand to god, has not been abandoned; we've just been in a fallow season for a little while. This winter was hard on us both.

24: Would you say your writing has changed over time?

For sure. I mean, jesus, I'd hope so! I don't think it's possible to write regularly and not have your writing change over time; it's certainly not desirable. That just means you're not growing or learning. A lot of that development is invisible, so you gotta avoid overthinking it--like, I've just gotten better over the years and that can be hard to quantify, you know?

For one concrete and easily-observable thing, though, I do know I've gotten much more comfortable writing AUs since I was, you know, a teenager. For a long time I strongly preferred my work to be canon-compliant and in fact actively disliked writing canon-divergence or AU settings. That only started changing, essentially, when I got better at writing. Not just mechanically or in terms of technical skill, but like...I learned how to articulate and understand why I disliked some AUs, and what I didn't like about writing them, and then I became good enough to just not do those things.

Essentially, what I disliked was the idea of....making something up, essentially, and then realizing that it didn't quite fit into the timeline or contradicted something that happened or the way a certain system worked in canon, and just shrugging and writing it anyway because without it the story didn't work. You'll probably notice that, while I've ALSO learned how to keep them from totally interrupting the flow of a story, I'm fond of sprinkling little digressions on day-to-day practicalities or a specific logistical snarl into my work. Those details are important to me. When the lynchpin of your story concept is a detail that doesn't work with canon, the satisfying thing to is usually to find a way to make it work, not just...go 'oh well I'll just change how that works then'.

While I've never been against discarding a canonical detail or mechanic that's just bad or doesn't make internal sense--I write KOTOR and Warcraft fanfiction, for christ's sake--it yanks me out of immersion if I feel like the narrative doesn't understand its own rules.

And, of course, I hate AUs or fusions where the characters are unrecognizable. Strong character work will make the most outlandish AU feel real; no amount of in-depth worldbuilding or clever logic can stick the landing if you can't get the characters to feel like themselves.

[stuck-immy-head]

The void created when you left.

Started this months ago and logging back in now after so many months have gone by some with us more together than before.. others more apart.. yet it is now that things matter more than any time before, and it is now that we unfortunately have to face what is to become a reality.. and at least for me, its not by choice.. and is one plagued by the absence and void that you having been here and left has created.

There is no such word that exists that is even anywhere near accurate enough to be used as an example to explain my feelings or explain what you have inspired or manifested in me or about me and about us, or any set of words that can justify or give justice too what I have felt and experienced. So fuck this word salad because no matter how hard I try or what I articulate it it doesn't f****** matter because it doesn't equal anything, and it means just the same as if I was to scribble on a piece of paper with crayons and drool all overlike a fucking baby or a cave man, Hope better yet a feeble-minded insane person somewhere in the depths of an asylum grabbing the notes in which they had scribbled on and throwing it into the f****** fire or the wind or into the depths of the darkest blackest hole... for nobody to hear and nobody to see and nobody to feel and nobody to understand but myself because that is truly and holy what this is no matter how in-depth or how eloquently illustrated and presented on a golden and beautifully decorated platter.. one for the ages given to the queen of England by Walt Whitman or Ernest Hemingway himself... They all equate to nothing more the sum of 0 each and every word I write brings the value down. But of course because this is how my life works, when it comes to being with you again God in the universe decided that the sum is the only thing that matters ESPECIALLYwhen it comes to bringing you back into not just my lifean loving arms and pave the way that would even begin to start fully repairing the damage and collateral destruction of the void of you having gone has generated and continually and continuously degenerated and killed parts of me I did not know even exist to this day finding new found avenues and ways for me to experience pain and emotional hell. I not so much ask for relief as I asked for what we had before, relief would come in that or drug, relief would come in that of another chick or past lover that I could attempt to fill it with fake love to avoid the void, they could come in the form of money, or come in the form of a new passion, the forms are dynamic and diverse and can come from any which way but none ever could come close to covering or feeling that of which the void you created when you left. Not even if all of these were to come together multiply each other by 1,000 and then try to fill the void they would not even begin to come close, this is mainly because or due to the fact that they are of a different makeup and breed.. they are cut from a different cloth or sewn from a different fabric and in a different universe from a different needle that makes no sense to us, nor does it's bare any resemblance to that of the one that you and I shared.

in that comparison for that would be of the brain cells of a retarded cave man compared to that of a much more futuristically advanced Albert Einstein and which there still is a comparative effort that allows demonstrative comparisons to be illustrated but in reality we shouldn't even be able to compare this to anything else because it doesn't come close nor does it squeak the same language it's like black and white but even beyond that transcending into a different universe and I'll turn it reality to all together. So once again I try to descend from my climbing and rapidly ascending mountain of words that only collect dust and in memory only collect sadness pain and furthermore feelings and emotions that I don't want to feel yet do because they're the only ones that allow me to slowly lose my grasp on reality and attempt to cling onto you...

[zackmartin]

i know i’ve already asked for one but if you’re feeling up to it!! how about one for @neshatriumphs 👉🏾👈🏾

Mana, you can send me literally as many as you think of because I will never grow tired of giving love to my friends. And I'm so glad you sent me Nesha because I always want to give her love 💕

I know this is an odd place to do this, but I just want to clear the air with her first real quick and say when I was yelling the other day about people not liking my posts, I wasn't speaking directly to her. I had strangers that had literally never spoken to me and literally never liked my posts, liking my ones about being a bad friend and maybe they just. Understood the feeling or something but I was so upset it felt like they were agreeing so I got mad but. I know when she likes my posts it's her way of saying "I hear you and I love you" so. That wasn't aimed at her.

But, anyway!!!! There's so much I want to say here but I don't know how to articulate it! I feel like her and I sort of have a connection that I've never quite had with anyone else, and I cherish it so much. Like, she told me the other day that I might be one of the only ones that truly understands her heart, but I feel like I understand it because mine is similar in a lot of ways. She's one of those people that I know she goes through things and I just. It hurts me that I don't have the power to take it away or make it stop, but I hope that whatever I can provide gives her at least some kind of relief, even if it ends up it's just for a moment. Anybody that knows her, knows of her immense talent, like Road to Dystopia was a masterpiece and she gave us the Iconic Throuple that is Max/Charlotte/Chase (chasing thunderbolts? Is that correct, I cant remember). Like, name a more iconic trio, you can't. And I think she wrote a fic around when the pandemic started and I still think about it because it was so raw and real and amazing and just. So uniquely Nesha, and I mean that in the absolute best way possible. Like I just mean she knows how to write in a way that makes you truly feel both for the characters and what the characters are feeling. ALSO HER ART!!! I don't even care if I know the fandom or not, I see her art, I will appreciate it cause it's all god tier. And we all know she's one of the most supportive people in this fandom, like I'm sure she's sick of me bringing up her support of DoD but I never quite had friends in my life that cared about my projects that much or really showed any interest at all, so to have someone that supports it so much, especially when a lot of us kinda hate HD now and she isn't really familiar with Suite Life besides me going insane and the few episodes we streamed, is just. That's an indescribable feeling that I'll never be able to fully thank her for. That fic is as much hers as it is mine now, like I'll literally write it thinking "will Nesha like this?" and if the answer is no, that part gets scrapped 😂 and I don't mean that in a pressuring way but just, she inspires me to be better. I've been contemplating coming to her for her zodiac knowledge because I'm deciding the birthdays of some OCs and if there is anyone's opinion I trust on the matter, it'd be hers 😂

This is already so long and I could honestly go on all night, but basically I just hope she knows how much I love and cherish her and how much she truly means to me 💕💕

@neshatriumphs

send me a tumblr user's url and I'll tell you what I think of them

[lgbt-teenager-support]

I've been getting severe depression from knowing I can't come out because it's not safe and/or no one will accept me. Because of this I've been slacking off from school work (I do cyber schooling) and my mother just found out. She told me that if I don't make it all up in a day then I'll be punished but I can't just tell her that I'm depressed cause I'm basically forced to stay in the closet. Any ideas on how to cope?

hi love, here’s a link i found that could help you with ways to cope with depression due to being in the closet and not being able to come out. there’s also an ask I answered a few posts back with links to LGBTQ chat rooms/ forums that can help if you need people to talk to. another thing that can really help is The Trevor Project, which has a text and chat option and has trained professionals to help you out in a time of crisis. here’s both of the links:

https://everydayfeminism.com/2013/11/the-stress-of-being-in-closet/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org

as for the work that you have missed and need to make up, i know i say this a lot, but i went through exactly what you did last year and i struggled for a long time with depression. something that helped me was to make a to do list of all the assignments i had, and how long they would take me, and when i would do them and fitting them into my regular schedule.

i understand the way your chest feels tight with how anxious you are about that stuff. when you have a concrete list it helps unclench that fist a little bit.

divide all your tasks into tiny steps, and give yourself little rewards for accomplishing them. tell yourself you get a break after this question. move on to the next question and tell yourself you get a break after this question. keep doing that, and then eventually actually give yourself a break. take time during your break to do deep breathing, in fact, whenever you feel majorly depressed, listen to some music that makes you feel good and take deep breaths, and tell yourself everything is going to be ok. a grade doesn’t define you, sweetheart. you will overcome this obstacle in your life and every one after that.

practice trial and error with things that make you feel better. do you have a pet you can play with? a stuffed animal you can play with? a familiar book you can read? a significant other you can talk to or look at pictures of? anything that makes you happy, indulge in that when you reward yourself for getting your work done. make time to indulge yourself besides that too, because you’re going through a crucial time in your development as a human being and because you deserve it.

you’re going through a lot of shit and you’re so freaking strong for doing what you do every single day. don’t ever think your depression makes you weak or that it’s your fault. it’s not. it’s your situation and you can’t control that. figure out what you can’t control and learn to be okay with that, it does a lot of good, and helps you focus on the things you can control.

don’t underestimate the power of crying and a good nights sleep. if you overwork and over-stress yourself you WILL get less done. put on some calming instrumental music, take deep breaths, and take your assignments one manageable step at a time. pace yourself. you can do it.

in terms of telling your mother about your depression, it seems as though she’s not someone you really trust with that information. but remember that there’s a lot of reasons people can be depressed, and you don’t necessarily have to out yourself. you can say that your schoolwork is taking a huge toll on you, you can even make it really ambiguous and say that there are things going on in your social life that are causing you to spiral into depression. ask if you can see a therapist. if you can find the right person for you, i can’t even articulate how much good it can do you.

my therapist, Lori, got me through the most difficult time in my life. I saw her from the end of eighth grade to the end of sophomore year. those first two years of high school threw me for a god awful loop, my friend. i was depressed and anxious and suicidal and being harassed and bullied. sophomore year my parents got divorced, i went through five breakups, self harmed, and had constant panic attacks. i can say confidently that the only reason im still here is because of Lori and how she helped me. she was queer too, and i identified with her on that level even before i figured out i was gay. i remember our first meeting when we talked about BBC Sherlock and Dr. Who (i was a major geek then) and i fell in love with her. she moved away last year, but she left a lasting impression on my life and the way I cope and how i deal with shit. her voice is always in my head telling me everything’s ok when things get rough.

you deserve that kind of therapy too. this is a rough, awful time in your life, and the help of a professional therapist can do wonders. i promise. if there’s any way you can talk to your mother about it i think it’s extremely important to your mental health (always remember that your mental health matters just as much as physical).

if any other mods or any of our followers want to add on something i missed, please do. i love you, whoever you are, and i believe in you so much that you can do this. you can do it and you can finish your work and you can get better and someday you’ll be able to be safely out of the closet and you’ll be able to be open and happy and proud. childhood doesn’t last forever even if it seems like it does. hang in there my friend.

remember that all of us here love you and believe in you, and there are people who care and who will care about you in this world. hope this helped you in any infinitesimal way. -Mod Charlie