#sounlandia

[stuck-immy-head]

The void created when you left.

Started this months ago and logging back in now after so many months have gone by some with us more together than before.. others more apart.. yet it is now that things matter more than any time before, and it is now that we unfortunately have to face what is to become a reality.. and at least for me, its not by choice.. and is one plagued by the absence and void that you having been here and left has created.

There is no such word that exists that is even anywhere near accurate enough to be used as an example to explain my feelings or explain what you have inspired or manifested in me or about me and about us, or any set of words that can justify or give justice too what I have felt and experienced. So fuck this word salad because no matter how hard I try or what I articulate it it doesn't f****** matter because it doesn't equal anything, and it means just the same as if I was to scribble on a piece of paper with crayons and drool all overlike a fucking baby or a cave man, Hope better yet a feeble-minded insane person somewhere in the depths of an asylum grabbing the notes in which they had scribbled on and throwing it into the f****** fire or the wind or into the depths of the darkest blackest hole... for nobody to hear and nobody to see and nobody to feel and nobody to understand but myself because that is truly and holy what this is no matter how in-depth or how eloquently illustrated and presented on a golden and beautifully decorated platter.. one for the ages given to the queen of England by Walt Whitman or Ernest Hemingway himself... They all equate to nothing more the sum of 0 each and every word I write brings the value down. But of course because this is how my life works, when it comes to being with you again God in the universe decided that the sum is the only thing that matters ESPECIALLYwhen it comes to bringing you back into not just my lifean loving arms and pave the way that would even begin to start fully repairing the damage and collateral destruction of the void of you having gone has generated and continually and continuously degenerated and killed parts of me I did not know even exist to this day finding new found avenues and ways for me to experience pain and emotional hell. I not so much ask for relief as I asked for what we had before, relief would come in that or drug, relief would come in that of another chick or past lover that I could attempt to fill it with fake love to avoid the void, they could come in the form of money, or come in the form of a new passion, the forms are dynamic and diverse and can come from any which way but none ever could come close to covering or feeling that of which the void you created when you left. Not even if all of these were to come together multiply each other by 1,000 and then try to fill the void they would not even begin to come close, this is mainly because or due to the fact that they are of a different makeup and breed.. they are cut from a different cloth or sewn from a different fabric and in a different universe from a different needle that makes no sense to us, nor does it's bare any resemblance to that of the one that you and I shared.

in that comparison for that would be of the brain cells of a retarded cave man compared to that of a much more futuristically advanced Albert Einstein and which there still is a comparative effort that allows demonstrative comparisons to be illustrated but in reality we shouldn't even be able to compare this to anything else because it doesn't come close nor does it squeak the same language it's like black and white but even beyond that transcending into a different universe and I'll turn it reality to all together. So once again I try to descend from my climbing and rapidly ascending mountain of words that only collect dust and in memory only collect sadness pain and furthermore feelings and emotions that I don't want to feel yet do because they're the only ones that allow me to slowly lose my grasp on reality and attempt to cling onto you...