#god okay. yeah whatever ill tag all of them

[foreverephemeral-art]

bounce =)

[crispyclown]

Kaworu and Shinji in my au around the time Nyoko (finally got a proper name for her) was like 3

Guygs i dont think shes feeling well

[whxtedreams]

When they’re ill / injured 

Summary: Small drabbles about how they let you help them when they're ill or injured.

Word Count: 1.3k

Tags: Injury, knife wounds, blood, fear, drug use, fluff.

Characters: Joel Miller, Din Djarin, Prince Oberyn, Javier Peña, Agent Whiskey, Frankie Morales

a.n. yeah, so I'm a health worker (admin) and literally thought of this at work while going over forms, wrote dot points on sticky notes and smashed this out in my lunch break. Enjoy!

Joel Miller

Main cause for concern: Injury: lower back  

Joel hides his pain from you for all of three hours. When you finally realise, he doesn't actually know you’re in the room. He gets up from a chair and grunts in pain, his hand shooting to his back as he supports himself on the dining table with his other hand. He jolts when he hears your voice when you ask if he’s okay, only making him hiss in pain when he moves. He tells you he’s fine, of course he does. You know he’s not. After multiple attempts to convince him to go to the clinic in the Q.Z., he finally gives in with a grunt. He huffs, mutters and grumbles the whole time he’s there, making sure he lets everyone know he’s fine. He’s not though: his back is fucked. 

Summary: the poor guy just lifted something.  

Din Djarin 

Main cause for concern: Injury: Knife wound; left arm 

Din shut himself in the refresher the moment he got back to the ship. Normally you would let him do whatever he needed to do after hunting a bounty, but the small blood trail he left in his wake worried you. You knock on the door but hear nothing but the clatter of Beskar falling to the floor. You knock again and ask if he needs any help but he just tells you to leave him. You don’t, though; you can’t. You sit with your back to the refresher door and wait. Wait, just in case he needs you. 

When the door finally does open, you look up from where you sit on the floor and he kneels in only his flight suit and helmet. He softly grabs your chin to look at his shielded face. He assures you he’s okay, but you can’t be sure. You lift the sleeve of his shirt to see the wound for yourself, your eyes softening with worry. A painfully long, jagged cut from his wrist to elbow scars his skin, and you hear the hiss from under his modulator as you reach up to touch it. You suggest that maybe this time he goes to a medical clinic. His fingers rest on your cheek as he sighs, telling you that you know why he can’t. He lets you patch him up after that after he wipes a tear from your cheek. 

Summary: just another scar for you to trace later.

Prince Oberyn

Main cause for concern: Illness: flu

He’s been in isolation in his chambers for four days now. You’ve stopped by his door each morning and night to check on him, only to be turned away by his guards. You were worried. But finally, on the fourth night when you arrive at his door, he calls for you. The guards let you in and your heart aches as you see him struggling to breathe and blankets sprawled over his body. He missed you, he tells you before he coughs. He motions for you to stop as you walk towards his bed but you do not care if he gets you sick, you just want him to feel better. You gather washcloths and wet them with cold water and lay them on his face, a soft sigh of relief settling in his chest. My sweet little dove, he calls you as his wrist weakly curves around yours as you sit beside his naked, shivering, sweating body. You end up in bed with him, running nails up and down his back as he grips onto your body heat, slowly lulling him to sleep. You pray to the gods that he’ll be better soon. You miss your Prince. 

Summary: it’s literally just a basic ass flu, he’s fine. But everyone deserves to be cared for. 

Javier Peña

Main cause for concern: Injury: gunshot wound, shoulder. 

He desperately tried to hide it from you, even as he began to dial your number multiple times throughout the night, only to throw the phone across the room. He didn’t want you to worry, didn’t want to see you panic. He spends the night in hospital before Steve eventually tells you the next morning assuming you already knew. You didn’t. You rush to the hospital, thinking the worst. You find his room and when you arrive your chest is heaving as your eyes frantically search him for injury. I’m okay baby, really, he whispers as you fall into a hug. And he does feel okay as he takes in the smell of your hair, the comfort you bring him as you hug him. You’re angry at him, furious at him for keeping you in the dark. But that feeling is only temporary, because he’s okay. He’s breathing. He’s alive. 

Summary: Hugs are healing.

Agent Whiskey 

Main cause of concern: Injury: Lasso burn 

He’s a fucking idiot and you make sure you tell him that after he tried to show off a new move. He was trying to impress you, and god, it would have if he didn’t whip himself and burn a massive line down his leg. He had shouted out in pain but tried to down play it as he came limping back over to you like a wounded puppy. Of course he was still flirting with you as you tried to assess the wound, asking you to kiss it better. You roll your eyes and kiss his leg beside his wound and the idiot tells you he’s healed, that your mouth is all he needs. It is in fact not any better when you drag him to the Kingsman med bay. As he lays on his stomach with your hand in his and the nurses have patched him up, he asks you to kiss him better again. You do. 

Summary: He’s an idiot. But he’s your idiot.  

Frankie Morales

Main cause for concern: OD poisoning

You get the call at eleven at night while you’re soaking in a bath. When you answer Fankie is freaking out, blabbering about brownies. You tell him to slow down, and he takes it literally. His words are dragged as he mentions the brownies again, how he feels poisoned. You sigh as you pull yourself from the bath, you let him know you’ll be over as soon as you can. 

When you do arrive at his house, he's laying on the living room floor. You stand above him, arms crossed over your chest as you raise an eyebrow. His hands are in the air as his eyes are fascinated by his fingers moving. He tells you he ate half a tray of “special” brownies and he honestly thought they were weak because they didn't do anything but then it just hit him like a truck and he can now both feel every bone in his body and also nothing. He laughs then, and then doesn’t stop. Somethin’ wrong with those brownies, he laughs and you smile, trying not to laugh. You look over at the tray as he goes to take another and you quickly rush to pick up the tray and he actually pouts at you as his fingers wiggle for the tray. Ah-no way, you scoff as you toss them in the bin. You end up pulling him off the floor and he pukes on the floor beside you, just missing you. Taking you to the ER, you sigh as you take hold of his hand and tug for him to follow you. 

When you do get to the ER, he sits beside you in the waiting room and his head rests on your shoulder and his arm wrapped around yours as you wait. A soft content smile is plastered on his face and you carefully run your fingers through his hair, pulling soft sighs from him. Feel funny, he sighs and you hum. Love you so much, he says as he nestles himself even further against your body. When he’s finally taken in to be put on a drip, he tugs you along with him, muttering he needs you.   

Summary: Eating half a tray of pot brownies was probably not a good idea. Actually –eating half a tray of normal brownies probably isn’t a good idea either tbh.  

[obsessedtomone]

Unravel Yourself Before Me ⛓️ Chapter 1 - Convenience ▸Shigaraki x femReader

Summary: “Say, I’ll make you a killer deal,” he begins, the tone of his voice deceptively even, failing to mask the coldness. “If you fucking apologize to me right now, and manage to clear things up with the professor before—” He slides his sleeve just above his expensive-looking smartwatch and casually checks the time, “—the class ends, in about… mmh, give or take three minutes? I promise you won't regret this as much as you will if you do go through with this stupid shit you started with me.”

His face breaks into a slow and creepy smile as he threatens you, body emanating nothing other than incredible malice.

You wish you could turn back time and never cross his path, that stupid night at the store.

You wish you were a different, nicer person, one that knows when to bow their head or to apologize if they messed up.

But you weren’t and you won’t. Setting: University AU - No quirks (unless degenerate personalities count) Tags: Slow burn, Eventual Smut, Unhealthy/Toxic Relationships, Humiliation, Mentally Ill Reader, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to ??? Warning: Dead Dove – Do Not Eat | Mind the tags TW: Implied Su/Self H, Dubcon, Reader has a super shitty past like actually, Shigaraki Tomura is his own warning.

AO3 Crosspost | Chain Divider by firefly-graphics

Chapters: One • Two • Three

Chapter 1 - Convenience Pitter-patter.

With a pop of your joints, you reach for the moon or the ceiling or maybe the gods above. You reach and you reach and finally you feel that satisfying stretch burn through your muscles.

What time is it anyway?

Uh-oh.

You cringe, because the birds are chirping, the first light of the day is starting to show, and because… you’ve been gaming your entire fucking Saturday night.

It’s 4:30 AM when you check your phone.

—And you could’ve been studying, could’ve been in touch with your project buddies, to at least send them your part of the project in time. But you didn’t and you won’t.

Not at least until tomorrow anyway.

Tomorrow, probably around ten minutes before your group’s deadline.

Yeah, you’re that special kind of asshole.

Looking around yourself, you realize that—all of the sudden, the room feels so fucking stuffy you could suffocate. It’s messy and god fucking knows when you opened your goddamn windows last.

So that’s exactly what you decide to spend your next action point on, as your mind briefly wandered back to your past few Valorant matches. 

You actually stayed up late, trying your best to climb to Diamond and dealing with the hyper-misogyny of random pathetic incel teammates who immediately shit themselves the moment a woman opens her mouth on mic.

Whatever.

At least you weren’t living in your mommy’s basement, swimming in a sea of trash, right?

You glance around your room and wince.

Okay, maybe you’re swimming in like—a puddle of trash. 

But that’s okay, because you’re definitely way above those goblins on a societal level… right?

You don’t dwell very much on that particular thought.

With a yawn, you reach for the windows and open them wide. The cool air of soft autumn rain invades your stale room the second you open them, replacing the warm stuffiness of your man-cave and filling your lungs with fresh oxygen.

You wonder how long it’s been raining for already, when you feel your stomach—the one vital organ you’ve purposefully been ignoring all night—growling. What did you eat today?

When the fuck did you eat last, actually?

“Uuugh—” you whine, finally feeling the shakiness of your hands and the overall weakness of your body. 

On your way towards your joke of a kitchen, you decide what flavor cup noodles to scarf down quickly before you hit the hay. Your internal debate is torn between two particular flavors, before you open the cupboard and realize—there aren’t any instant noodles left.

God fucking damn it.

You briefly glance down over your sorry excuse of an outfit—one that would put homeless people to shame—made up of plain black sweats and an oversized black hoodie, noting how you should also maybe perhaps take a fucking shower after literally sweat-gaming all day.

Fuck it, you think, taking a total of two seconds to decide that this was good enough for the world, before you set off to the nearest twenty-four hour convenience store.

So you grab your phone, your keys, and that’s what you do.

────────

Despite the hints of a rising sun, it’s still pretty dark outside. The air smells like fresh morning rain and wet concrete.

You don’t mind, because to your own delight, it couldn’t be quieter around here.

The neighborhood you live in is incredibly sketchy, but you couldn’t complain given it’s barely a fifteen minute walk to your university and the rent to your rundown one-bedroom apartment is dirt fucking cheap.

It suits the broke ass bitch that you are and you like it this way—one, because you have a thing for sketchy run-down places and two… because it’s yours and yours alone.

The totally-legal-and-definitely-wont-blind-you pepper spray you bought from the shadiest internet store sits snugly in the pocket of your hoodie, one hand occasionally fidgeting and feeling the rim of the object. 

Knowing you have something to use in your defense makes you feel safer when you’re outside. You never know when something unpleasant could go down.

You’re so used to being on-guard after all the years of shitty experiences. 

Of being on your own.

Of stupid shit that kept happening to you.

So you walk, if only with a smear of anxiety, because you still need to stay vigilant and not put the universe to a fucking test.

The first thing you notice when you waltz into the corner store, is how goddamn bright the fluorescent lights are. They’re far too bright for your tired eyes that are used to endless hours of staring into dimmed screens with the lights off.

The second thing you notice is how eerily quiet it is inside—save for the whirring, clicking and occasional gurgling of the refrigerators in the back. Or at least that’s where you think the sounds come from.

It’s odd that the current shift didn’t think of turning on the radio to fill the silence—to make this place feel less like a ‘bad end’ location from a horror game—but a quick glance towards the staff at the counter and their wireless earpieces tells you that they couldn’t give less of a fuck about the store’s ambiance.

Not that it matters, when you’re too busy surveying the shelves in search of some food, of something edible, the ‘food’ in question consisting mostly of snacks and other nutritionless garbage that would give nine point five out of ten doctors a cardiac arrest.

Speaking of heart failure, you find yourself in front of the refrigerated drink aisle, using all of your brain wrinkles to make your hardest decision yet.

Which one of the canned heart attack flavors are you gonna buy today?

You hum, spending a good three minutes (give or take) thinking, and when you finally go ahead, reaching with your fingertips to grab the energy drink—

“Hey,” a low and grating voice speaks right behind you.

The sound makes you fucking jump.

You turn around with a scowl and then—straight out of a comedy skit, you feel like you’re staring at your male doppelgänger.

An extremely sketch-looking guy, wearing black sweats that match your own, the hood of his equally dark colored hoodie up and covering a messy mop of white hair.

And then you notice his… his intense crimson colored eyes, drilling a hole through the middle of your fucking skull.

If only looks could kill.

“Did you need something?” You fail to mask the venom in your voice, aimed at him for no good reason.

A skin care routine, you think.

Not like you bothered with one either, but at least your face isn’t disintegrating into disgusting flakes yet, unlike his punk ass.

Motherfucker couldn’t have waited two fucking minutes for you to pick something? 

Where the fuck do you have to be at like 4:50 in the morning?!— you scoff, but the words remain yet unspoken.

The hooded figure raises his hand to scratch at his pale neck, seemingly annoyed at your shitty attitude towards him. 

He just has to meet the worst type of bitch at this ungodly hour, on a Saturday no less—and he isn’t having it. 

Red eyes stare you down for a moment, watching your face scrunch up at his sight.

“You’ve been standing in front of the drinks for like ten fucking minutes, ugly ass bitch.” He finally claps back, and with that, your eyes narrow. “Pick something or get the hell outta my way.”

“I was just about to, asshole,” you reply, voice betraying you and ultimately cracking while you seethe. “Grab your stupid ass drink so you can finally go home to the boys and cry about not getting any.” 

You finish your sentence and stand aside for him, motioning to the drinks all the while his eyes widen in what you presumed to be shock—but before he has the chance to respond, you hurry the fuck up and leave.

The poor employee at the counter who saw the scene playing out (store ain’t that big, now), seems to want nothing to do with any of this. Graveyard shifts must be really fucking fun when you’re graced with not one, but two annoying idiots.

You drop all of your items on the counter and while the cashier is scanning them, you pat all four of your pockets, looking for your wallet to pay.

Until it dawns on you.

No fucking way—

Ain’t no fucking way your stupid, braindead ass forgot to bring money.

This isn’t fucking happening to you right now.

Especially since the embodiment of patience is standing just a few inches behind you, shifting uncomfortably from one leg to the other and waiting with bated breath for you to finally pay and get lost.

“Uhh. Do—Do you guys keep tabs open?” you ask, recoiling at the sound of your own voice, scratching at the back of your head sheepishly and almost whispering the second half so the guy behind you wouldn’t be able to hear it. “I kind of… forgot my wallet at home.”

The cringe that is already coursing through your veins, deepens infinitely when you see the employee stare at your face, as if you grew a second head.

“No.”

Your humiliating predicament makes the guy behind you break into the creepiest snicker. You shoot him a glare and dare him to say something, but he’s too busy laughing at you.

God, if only the ground would swallow you whole, right fucking now.

With the worst shades of shame coloring your face, you turn around to leave, swearing to never set foot in this fucking establishment ever again. Nevermind that it’s the only store close to your house.

Before you have the chance to make good on your promise, the white haired guy reaches out—if a bit hesitant—and grabs your arm.

What’s the chance a nuke would crash into this fucking store and wipe out your entire existence, together with whoever is here to fucking witness this? Or maybe aliens could finally make contact with planet Earth and take you the fuck away. Getting your ass probed sounds infinitely more appealing than this incredible embarrassment you feel in front of the two assholes.

“Hold.”

Your pathetic gaze lifts from the ground and when you meet his eyes he looks—amused?

“What. Let go of me, man.” You panic, trying to free yourself from his grip, but his fingers are firm. Is that blood under his fingernails?

“I’ll pay,” he offers, a disturbing smirk playing on his dry lips.

This fucking guy.

“N-No, I’m good. Thanks.” Your voice is shaking more than you want it to and you feel tears finally prick at your eyes.

Why do you live your life this way? Why are you so fucking pathetic—especially in front of assholes like him?

Why are you still so weak? 

After everything you’ve been through?

You try once more to shake him off of you, but he’s deceptively strong for his build, and doesn’t relent now that he’s got you where he wants you to be.

“It’s okay, really. This just made my night so I’m gonna pay for ya,” he says, the almost-even tone in his voice not matching the way his creepy smile seems to be getting wider.

He swiftly pulls out some scrunched-up bills from the pocket of his sweats, slipping them to the employee who could not give less of a fuck about whoever pays first, grabbing your already-bagged purchase and basically shoving it to you as he gives his best ‘Come again soon!’ bullshit line that actually translates to ‘Please fucking leave the store already’.

“How about that, huh? Now you owe me one, little bitch,” he whispers into your ear, voice low and full of grit sending chills down your spine and rendering you absolutely speechless.

Without sparing you so much as a second glance, he finally pays for his own shit and leaves the store in a smug stride.

You could basically read the “EZ” he wrote in slash all chat while destroying your fucking nexus.

What a horrible fucking night, you think to yourself, hurrying to go home as well.

Your only comforting thought being that you wouldn’t have to see his stupid fucking pasty face ever again.

[dreamwatch]

STWG Daily Prompt: waking up

word count: 2090 | rated: Teen | Tags: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, Angst, Referenced Minor Character Death (SPOILER - he's major to me!), Time Skips | cw: mention of funerals, ill health, sick spouse | notes: there's a happy/hopeful ending.

***

“Eddie, hey, wake up, man.”

There’s a sharp tapping on his shoulder, but he’s warm and comfortable and not in pain (why would he be in pain?) and it’s too much.

“Eddie!”

He opens his eyes and Steve Harrington is standing in front of him. He lets his eyes drift. He’s in a bedroom, small and neat. It’s clean and bright, sunlight streaming in through the open window. This isn’t his bedroom.

“Hey!" Steve claps twice in front of his face. "Dude, I have to go to work, this is your last call.”

He’s in a navy uniform shirt and trousers, a badge on the breast pocket, and a flag on the arm. 

“Are you a cop?”

Steve stops in his tracks. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Eddie gestures at him. “The shirt. Are you a cop now?”

Steve puts his hands up in defeat. “You know what? Don’t go to work, whatever man, I haven’t got time for this shit.”

Eddie feels so lost. His head is pounding, and he thinks he’s going to be sick. “Who’s… is this your place?”

Steve’s brows furrow for a second before the look of disappointment returns. “I swear to God if you’re high…”

Is he high? Eddie feels off, maybe he is high, his head is spinning and he wants to sleep so, so badly. “I’m tired,” is all he can manage before dropping his head back on the pillow. He just wants to sleep. His eyes shutter until he feels Steve next to him on the bed, reaching over and touching his forehead.

“Are you feeling okay? Are you sick?” Steve’s voice is softer, warmer now. 

“I’m… confused. I don’t know…” The words don’t come, the questions are there but he can’t push them out, his tongue feels too big for his mouth, his throat dry and scratchy. “I don’t know where��” Eddie’s eyes roam around the room trying to take it in. They land on a dresser with framed photographs. One of Steve and Robin, Steve dressed like a firefighter. One of Steve and Eddie and they’re kissing and he doesn’t understand because is it a joke? Maybe? It’s probably a joke, and the costume is for Halloween.

Steve reaches over and starts to stroke Eddie’s hair, and he looks concerned and sad. Eddie doesn’t know why Steve Harrington would look that way at him.

“You’re scaring me, Eddie.” He keeps stroking Eddie’s hair and it’s nice.

“Why am I here?” The words are a drawl, lazy and loose. If he just shuts his eyes… Steve doesn’t answer him at first, but then he leans over and kisses him on the temple. He squirms under Steve’s touch and pulls away. Steve looks upset, and he didn’t mean for that he just doesn't understand what's happening.

“I’m going to make a phone call, okay? And then I’ll be back, and maybe we’ll try and get you in to see the doctor today, huh?” Steve’s hand is warm and comforting across his head, maybe he can sleep now.

“Okay,” Eddie manages before he closes his eyes.

***

“Eddie, it’s time to wake up.”

He feels the gentle push to his shoulders as he opens his eyes. Steve Harrington is crouching in front of him. He’s wearing a crisp white shirt open at the collar and black pants, a black tie loosened around his neck. He looks handsome. Steve smiles at him sadly, hand stroking across Eddie’s shoulder and down his arm. Eddie’s lying on a bed. There’s a suit jacket and tie throw on a chair in the corner of the room, black dress shoes lying haphazardly underneath. He looks down at himself, the slightly less crisp white shirt, the black pants crumpled up around his ankles.

“Hey. Sorry, you asked me to wake you when everyone had gone.”

“Gone?” he croaks, throat sore and parched.

“Yeah, gone home. Robin and Nancy are still here, they’re cleaning up the food and stuff. Gareth was going to stay but I didn’t think you’d be up to talking tonight. He’s going to swing by tomorrow, okay?”

“Why?” 

There’s a spark of confusion in Steve’s eyes, and the rhythmic stroking along Eddie’s arm comes to a stop.  Eddie feels like he’s upset him. 

“Ed…” Steve begins, and he looks so worried, Eddie thinks, “You know what today is, right? You remember…?”

Eddie remembers holding a broken bottle against Steve’s throat. He remembers stealing an RV. He remembers playing the guitar on an evil version of his roof. But… he shakes his head. He can feel his eyes slipping closed. “I don’t…”

“It was Wayne’s funeral today.”

No. 

What? He’s doing his best to push his eyelids open, but they weigh so much, they won’t stay open. “No. No.” He tries to push himself up to sit. “What are you talking about?”

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay.”

“No!” Steve is on the bed, arms wrapped around him as he tries to struggle but he just can’t, he’s too tired, and he just can’t. So he just cries because that’s all he can do.

“I’m so sorry, Ed. I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t understand. He’s not… why are you doing this?” He tries to push Steve away. “Get off of me. Why are you here? Where the fuck am I?!” He’s crying, and Steve Harrington is here (where’s here?!) at Wayne’s funeral (but he’s not dead!) and he just wants to sleep. Fuck he’s so tired.

More hands, Robin is there and Nancy, and none of this makes fucking sense. “Call the doctor, numbers by the phone,” Steve says and Eddie feels the exhaustion creeping its way up his bones, making his muscles weak. He starts to go loose in Steve’s arms and Steve lets him go, lets him sink into the comforter. He doesn’t want to close his eyes but he doesn’t seem to have a say in that.

Steve is crying. “Just rest, okay? Try and get some sleep.” 

He doesn’t want to rest (but he does) he wants to know what the fuck is going on, and where Wayne is (he’s dead, they said he’s dead!) but his eyelids close without his say so.

“I love you,” says Steve.

Eddie sleeps.

***

“Eddie, wake up!”

He’s in bed. It’s large and comfortable and warm and when he opens his eyes Steve Harrington is leaning over him eyes wide and excited.

“What?” asks Eddie.

“They did it. It fucking happened!!”

“What happened?” 

“Gay marriage, dick! Jesus Christ, how much did you drink last night?”

He has this crawling feeling, itching at him. He has no idea where he is, or why Steve is here, and he’s… Eddie reaches out to touch Steve’s face. “You’re old.”

“Fuck you! I’m definitely not marrying you now.”

Eddie flinches “Why would you marry me?” He said the wrong thing because Steve looks so hurt.

“Having trouble remembering things today, huh?” Eddie nods. “It’s okay, that’s fine, let’s get you back to sleep.” Steve opens the covers and climbs under the comforter and then he’s pulling Eddie into his chest, arm wrapped around him, pulling him tight. It’s weird. And it’s lovely. He feels safe. But…

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m scared.”

“I know.” He feels warm breath on his ear, a kiss on the top of his head. “Let’s sleep for a while, it will be better when you wake up.”

So they sleep.

***

“Eddie? Ed? Please wake up.”

It’s not like the other times. He’s uncomfortable and he’s sitting in a chair and everything aches. His back, and his hips and his legs and all of it. Jesus.

“Eddie?”

When he opens his eyes they land on Steve. Or, someone very like him. No, it’s him. The hair is grey and the skin wrinkled, the eyes are watery but they're his. They are Steve’s. He’s in a hospital bed and he looks weak. Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever seen him look weak.

“Steve?”

“Are you with me?” asks Steve, and his voice has changed. Tight and brittle. But it’s still him, underneath it.

“Are you sick?” Eddie asks, and his voice is weird too. 

Steve looks at him like he’ll never see him again. Like he’s trying to remember him. “Come ‘ere,” and he opens his arms doing his best to scoot over, making room for Eddie. “I want to talk to you.” Eddie gets out of the chair, and he aches, he’s not sure if he’s going to be able to make it, but he climbs into the hospital bed with Steve, his back to Steve’s chest. Steve grips him weakly, and Eddie takes his hands and holds them close to his chest. He feels like he’s missing pieces to a puzzle, but he knows Steve and he can hold onto that.

“You don’t remember, do you?”

“No. Sorry. I’m just… I’m confused.”

“I know, and it’s okay. Do you remember the first time? I was going to work and you thought I was a cop?”

It’s there somewhere, scratching at the back of his mind, he knows it and he doesn’t.

“I called the doctor. I thought you were having a stroke, or you had a tumour or something,” Steve huffs, almost a laugh. “They did tests and scans and they cost us a fortune. But they were clear and you were fine.” Steve sounds out of breath, and he shifts uncomfortably beside Eddie.

“Then it happened again, at Wayne’s funeral.” That does jar something in Eddie, and he feels a stab of pain because there was a funeral but Wayne isn’t dead.

“I don’t—”

“I know, shh, I know. Robin and Nancy were there, they saw. We were so scared. But when you woke up you were fine, like nothing had happened. And then it happened years later—”

“Marriage.”

“Yeah,” Steve laughs weakly, “marriage. We’d figured it out by then. What you were doing.”

“Did it happen anymore?”

“Once or twice.”

“Are you sick?”

“Yeah. And I need my Eddie back because I don’t have very long, okay?”

“Am I not your Eddie?”

“Not yet, but you will be.”

Steve kisses the back of his head and Eddie squeezes Steve’s hands between his. 

“Do we love each other?” asks Eddie.

“So much,” Steve answers wetly. He sounds so tired, the way Eddie feels all the time. “You need to go back now. I need my Eddie.”

“I don’t know how to go back.”

“Just sleep.”

So he does.

***

“Come on, Eddie. You have to wake up. Please.”

Eddie hears the soft voice, almost a whisper in his ear. He’s burning, skin on fire, hot needles nipping at his arms, his legs, his abdomen. He tries to move his hand but there’s a weight, a pull on it. Fingers in his palm. They squeeze gently. He tries his best to squeeze back.

“Eddie?”

He opens his eyes, sticky and sore, and slams them shut just as fast. The light is painfully bright, and he registers a voice in the background, turn the light off, before he tries again. Steve is sitting beside him, and he is young, his chestnut hair full and healthy, skin clear and smooth. He looks so relieved to see Eddie, and Eddie wonders if he loves him now, or if that’s still to come. 

“Where’s Wayne?” Eddie asks panicked.

“Getting coffee. He'll be back soon.”

“Okay.” He hurts so much, everywhere burns. “Okay.”

“You scared the shit out of us, man.”

Eddie opens his eyes again and looks into Steve’s. There’s no milkiness, they’re bright, red-rimmed but clear. “You’re a firefighter.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah. My life… it like… flashed. But I saw all of it. All of it. You’re a firefighter. And I was at Wayne’s funeral,” his vision blurs, tears springing ready to spill. “They legalised gay marriage and you had lines by your eyes,” he reaches out to touch Steve’s face. “And then…” He can’t stop it when the tears come. “We were old, and you were sick and you told me… you told me you needed your Eddie back and I had to come back here.”

Steve stares back at him with a deep frown. “Okay, well. I don't know about the gay marriage thing but... firefighter sounds cool? Right? I think I’d be a good firefighter. I think I’d look good in the uniform.” 

Eddie laughs, he cries and he laughs. “You did.” Steve grins back at him squeezing his fingers. 

His eyelids are heavy, always so heavy.

So he closes his eyes.

And falls asleep.

[pleafyistired]

can you guys tag your ship or something btw thx

Im gonna say something that gonna piss off a lot of people in the mo4 fandom sorry. I hope everyone have fun play with their toys!!! Do whatever you want I cant stop you but im gonna admit something I really dislike so just a warning im going to be a jerk

[matrixxsystem]

I can't not tell you guys the story now-

buckle up sluts this so much more comfort and fluff than I've ever written before-

This is how Leo found Marmalade This is a western AU where after the invasion the surface of New York was too triggering so they ran off to the middle of nowhere to try and heal. CW: This AU is a little dark, it wont be explored in full but there might be mentions of dealing with mental illness and having PTSD so just be a lil warned, but this is supposed to be just a lil one off about how he found his lil lady :3

Boots With The Spurrs

The sun had just reached the apex of the sky, heat beating down with such a vengeance you'd think someone owed it money or something.. Though lets be real, it wasn't like it was any cooler yesterday or the day before. The slider never minded though, he loved the sun and all that came with it. And that cool summer breeze that nearly blew his hat off, even as he held on while the wind shoved him back towards the house, or tired to at least- He loved that too. It was so clear each night and so quiet every morning.. The air was so clean, and the grass was so soft.. The first time he stepped foot on the property of their new home he spent a good hour just laying outside and taking it all in. He couldn't remember why exactly him and his family came out here, but it'd been maybe five or six years since they moved now, and it was a hell of an adjustment sure, any city boy would be turned on his head being stuck out in the middle of god knows where. But even when he missed some of the busy aspects, the bright lights and colors, the smells and constant chatter of people, he could only remind himself that there was a reason they left the city. Something about everyone's mental health, about needing space and time or whatever vague excuse Donnie told him each time he asked.

There was a small town not far from where they lived, maybe a twenty minute walk or so, and five minutes if they rode horseback. Oh yeah, didn't I mention? They bought a farm. Yeah, They bought a plot of land that was just outside a small town, fixed the place up, and since Donnie loves plants and Mikey loves animals it seemed fitting to start trying to grow things and really leaning into the towns rustic aesthetic. Who knew they had green thumbs.. Well… Fuck okay who knew they had metaphorical green thumbs- And would be oddly good farmers?? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, after the first two years things really took off for the brothers. And cause I can read your mind, don't worry, Aprils there too, she got a job working at the local news station, her and Mayhem easily became a hit. And Casey Jr came along, and Cass, hell even Barry decided he might as well tag along and make sure the brothers don't get into anymore weird time altering shenanigan's. And after Splinter.. Passed, it helped having everyone be there with them. Leo looked back up at the sky, trying to read the clouds to see if there was any sign of rain, maybe if he could convince the others.. They'd let him go into town for a bit, they needed food soon anyway right?

Oh yeah, second thing about this story. This is one where Leo lost his arm, yeah no, when Mikey pulled him from the prison dimension Kraang was just a little faster and dug his claws into Leo's arm, tearing it from his body as Mikey rushed to close the portal and save what was left of his brother. So yeah, most of the time he spent healing from that is just a blurred mess to him now, then he woke up in the turtle tank out in the country one day. He remembers people by his bedside in the medbay talking about it, asking Leo or trying to ask how he felt, if he wanted to go anywhere, if there was anything he wanted to do outside the city. Anytime it's brought up he's always teased about how he only said things like "I wanna be a cowboy baaabyyyy" or "I just wanna live on a ranch, and sit on a porch swing, with my boyfriend.." (He did not have a boyfriend, or know anyone who could even come close at the time) So they continued to poke fun at his responses, which he blames the pain medicine he was on at the time for.

Leo sighed a little as he sat on the old wooden stairs, rolling his eyes at the audible creek that came from the shift in weight. He took the very cowboy-esk hat from his head waving it in front of his face, trying to get a little more of a breeze to cool him off. He'd just been out moving the pipes Donnie ordered to make he's own watering system for the plants, he wanted to start a new patch on the other side of the house and Leo just knew he'd be bribed into doing all the dirty work somehow.. Though he'd do it if asked, he knew that something bad happened to all his brothers before they moved that left them all a little less able then they used to be. For Donnie his back got hurt badly, most days he was fine but some days he'd get these real bad flare ups and he couldn't put any weight on his back or be on his feet for more then maybe fifteen minutes at a time. Leo liked to call it his "No Bones" days, since he'd usually end up just rag doll-ing in his bed all day. It was actually pretty scary the first few times it happened, Leo wasn't sure why everyone else was so calm that his brother couldn't move. But after a while and a couple explanations he didn't fully understand he came to accept that for Dee it's just something that happens when he overworks himself.. For Raph he lost sight in one of his eyes and hates being snuck up on, there were scars over the eye but they didn't look like any animal Leo had ever seen, he didn't ask though. He knew he didn't like talking about it, none of his brothers did really. Even Mikey, who was an open book all other times.. He had some faint scars from his hands up his forearms, and if he used his hands too much they'd start shaking or locking up, he always blames him drawing too much when he was younger but Leo knew deep down there was something else he just wasn't saying. But like any other time Leo was able to quickly shake those thoughts from his mind, it wasn't important and if they didn't want to talk, then he didn't want to know. He knew enough, and knew prying would only hurt them in the end.

He turned his head to look at the front door hearing the screen door swing open, "Hey Leo, you finally had enough of tha' heat?" Leo put his hat back on and smiled up at his oldest brother, "You could say that- Think if I asked Mike would be willin' to make us some lemonade?" Raph's eyes lit up as he weighed the options for a moment, food always got his big brother motivated and Mikey always made the best lemonade..

Leo let out a little laugh at his brothers reaction, "Though if we're gonna have a drink I s'pose we'd need to head into town to get the lemons don't we..?" Raph tensed up a bit hearing the mention of town. Compared to New York this town was more like a small village- It was like something straight out of a western movie it seemed. Raph let out a little grumble, muttering something about town and Leo just laughed again, giving Raph a reassuring pat on the lower half of his shell. "Oh c'mon big guy, it'll take all of forty minutes to get in, out, and back home." Raph carefully passed Leo on the stairs, once again weighing his options. "Raph..?" Leo asked, a little softer, "I know I shouldn't keep askin, but why don't you guys like goin' into town? Seems like y'all lock up whenever it's mentioned but I can't recall the reason."

"Its.." There was a pause, maybe he was trying to think about his words so he didn't sound like he was yelling at Leo. "It's nothin' really, if you wanna go, we'll go. Saddle up an I'll give Don the heads up that we're goin for a ride." Leo practically jumped up to get ready, "Are you sure we wanna tell Don? If he knows you're goin he'll send you off with a whole grocery list to bring back-" Raph shrugged, "If we're goin' we might as well make sure we get all we need, 'sides, Don ain't feelin well again so it might be good to bring him back some more medicine." Leo glanced back at the house, up to the second story where Dee's room was, "He havin' one of his 'no bones' days?" Raph rolled his eyes at the name but nodded, "Yeah, just one of those days. Now go on and get saddled up while I run in and get some money and everyone's orders." Leo gave a playful salute and a 'yes sir!' before heading around to the barn where the horses we're kept. He gave each one a little attention as he passed, Donnie's being an all black horse of course, Mikey's being some kind of calico with all matter of spots and specks decorating its coat, and Raph's was a big ass Belgian draft horse with a dark grey coat that faded to black at the feet. And Leo's, it was this blonde almost iridescent light color. "Well hey there sunshine" He cooed as he opened her gate, stepping and and getting ready to head out, "Looks like we're goin' for a ride today, a real one, not just round the house. You excited?" The horse turned her head nudging Leo and almost knocking him over, he laughed as he gently pushed her back, "I know I know, I told Raphie we need to take y'all out more but he don't want me goin into town alone, don't think he wants me goin anywhere alone actually-" After he was all set he took her lead and walked out of the barn, nearly bumping into Raph on their way out.

Once they were both set they headed out, Leo riding up and around roads, goin as fast as his Sunshine would let him, she liked going fast too, part of why he was able to get her at all. Her last owner couldn't get her to calm down or stop running off or throwing anyone who tried to ride her. Leo pretty quickly figured she just lived a bit faster then others, just like him. So he'd made a bet that if he could ride her without being thrown he'd get a big discount. Instead of trying to get her on his level he got onto hers, encouraging her to run and jump to her hearts content, and they've gotten along pretty damn well since then. Once they got into town went and hopped off his horse, not bothering to tie her up unlike Raph and his gentle giant, who he carefully tied up at a post outside the local grocery store, pulling a few treats from his bag and setting them down. "Good girl Boots" He muttered with a little pat before heading into the store, Leo trailing behind. They browsed for a few minutes, well, Leo did, Raph just picked what they needed and only that. Going right to the sections that had what he needed, he really didn't want to be there longer then they needed to be it seemed.. Leo rolled his eyes and tosses a lemon his way, "Heads up Raphie-!"

The lemon bonked the side of Raph's head and fell into his basket, he turned to Leo with an unamused expression, Leo braced to be yelled at, to be scolded like they would when they were younger, maybe even a playful slap on the back of his head for being impolite at the store. But Raph just took a breath and sighed, picking a couple apples up and setting them in the basket next to the lemon. Leo pouted a little but let it go, it wasn't like he wanted to be yelled at, but it didn't feel right for them to not even fight playfully? He huffed and set another dozen or so into the basket and gave Raph a little shoulder pat, "I'm gonna go wait outside okay? Make sure Sunny ain't found any trouble." Raph just nodded, seemly he was almost done, the basket was already full but he was still looking for a few more things.

Leo stepped outside, a few people had paused to eye his horse, ones that pretty were usually pretty expensive so it made sense people would look at her. He whistled and she perked up, heading over and lowering one front leg to look like she was bowing, he was pretty proud of teaching her that trick.. Het gave her a few pats and praises and grabbed his bag off her side, reaching and getting out a sugar cube, "There we are, I knew I had one left in here. Whos a good girl? Hm?" "She sure is-" Leo turned around to see another yokai approach him, he hadn't seen this guy around but he sure looked familiar..? "Never seen one that well behaved before.. Your horse must've cost a pretty penny but you don't look the fancy type?" Was.. Was this guy saying he looked poor..? "Sunny here ain't no ones horse-" He joked, giving her a few more pats, "Ain't that right Sunshine? You don't belong to no man huh?" She flapped her lips blowing out a huff as she shook her head, turning to nudge Leo. He just laughed a little louder, "Yes mam, you're as free as the breeze ain't cha? You just follow me home for the treats huh?" The stranger smiled a little, he took half a step closer then stopped, "Is it alright if I pet her? Think she'll let me keep my hands?" Leo just shrugged like he wasn't sure but quickly nodded, "I'm just messin- Yeah you can pet her, she loves the attention don't worry." He nodded and stepped closer again, getting into her line of sight and carefully approaching. Leo took a step back and watched in the interaction, whoever this guy was he seemed to know a lot about horses with a temper, and she seemed to like him well enough.. He took his hat off setting is on his saddle to feel the coming breeze. Sunshine turned to look at him before turning back to the stranger and biting the brim of his hat, lifting it off his head and turning to put it on Leo. The yokai was a bit shorter than Leo, and without the hat long white ears fell on either side of his head, it was a rabbit yokai- Kinda cute actually... Not many of those in such hot and dry places like this town. Their eyes met for a moment before Leo realized he was staring at the stranger, "Ah- Sorry 'bout that, she got that lil trick from my little brother-" He took the hat back off and gently set it back on the guys head, "Think that mean's she likes ya heheh- Uh- Say stranger.. You got a name to go with that face?"

"Y-Yeah, sorry, where are my manners.. I'm Yuichi. Yuichi Usagi." Leo stuck his good arm out to shake his hand, "Leo. Leonardo Hamato. Pleased to meet cha."

"Hamato..? Like.. The Hamato brothers?" Leo perked up a little, "Oh? We got a name 'round here or somethin'..?" Yuichi shook his head, "No no, just.. You guys were a big thing back home, everyone in my village knew about you guys savin' people. Didn't expect to find you all the way out here is all." Leo looked a little confused, it'd been a handful of years before he'd done anything heroic.. But people still talked about them? That was kind of cool… Raph came out of the store and started putting his stuff away in the pouches strapped to his saddle. "Well Yuichi, it was a pleasure meeting' you. Not sure how long you plan to be here but if you need anythin' we live just down the road here up on brasshill." He picked his bag back up fastening it and hopping up. Yuichi looked surprised, "Wait- Brasshill? I'm stayin' with my auntie who lives on that road. She's also a rabbit. Leo gasped, "You're related to Nonanoka??? Dude! She's the best! Oh y'all gotta come over sometime then, we'll have a nice get together, tell her Leon's got somethin for her when you see her alright? Shes got our line if you ever need us." Yuichi nodded a little and gave them a little wave as they headed off towards the end of town, fixing the hat on his head and stuffing his ears back into it to get them out of the way.

Once they were back home Raph carried everything inside while Leo took the horses back to their stables, then headed inside once they were back safe. He opened the door being met with Mikey coming down the stairs, he must've heard Raph come in and wanted to see what all they got. "Heya mike" He said giving his hat a little wave before he hung it up, "Leoooo! You're back already??"

"Yeah, Raphie was in a bit of a rush I guess, he never likes to take long you know that" Mikey nodded a little and gave Leo a quick hug, "Well when you get everythin' put away I wanna go for a ride too!" Leo gave Mikey's shell a little pat, "As long as the suns out and Raphie don't mind stayin' with Don. I think he can be bribed though" He gave Mikey a little wink and moved his head to gesture to the kitchen where Raph was emptying the two big bags of food. Mikey peeked past Leo to see the fruit basket on the table now full of lemons and oranges. His eyes lit up as he got an idea, by now Leo was pretty good at getting Mikey to have ideas he thinks are original despite Leo being the one to plant the idea in his head. Mikey slowly walked into the kitchen with his hands behind his back as if he was hiding something, "Heya Raphie, how was the store? Y'all have a good time?" Raph glanced over to him and shrugged, "As good as going into town gets I guess, Leo made a friend I think, the nephew of nona-"

"Nonanoka has relatives in the sates? I thought she said all her family was back in Japan??"

"Must be vistin' or somethin, seemed nice enough tho.." Mikey scooted over climbing onto Raph's back to peer over his shoulder, "Ooooo, we outta bake nona somethin' maybe a pie? We do have a buncha apples now…"

"That's a good idea Mike" Leo said as he sat at the table, he reached for his satchel but then it moved- Everyone's eyes turned to look at the bag, "That- Wasn't just me right?" Leo asked hesitantly, both Raph and Mikey shook their heads as they watched the bag. Leo felt an odd sense, it wasn't dread, he didn't get a bad feeling, but something was making his anxiety go off the charts- He took a deep breath and slowly opened the bag,

"Mew!"

Leos eyes widened as a small kitten, maybe the size of Leos hand, wobbled out of his bag. It was orange with lighter colored stripes. It looked up at Leo and mewed again, tilting its head a little and glancing around to the others. Raphs eyes grew at least ten times seeing that little cat look his way, "Leo- How in the- Where do you even get a cat??"

"I didn't?? I don't- I didn't go anywhere-!" He slowly reached his hand out and pet the cat, it leaned into his hand starting to purr, "I mean I set my bag down to say hi to the new guy- Maybe this lil guy smelled somethin sweet and snuck in..? There are a few strays in that town…"

"Well- Put it back-!"

"Raph!! I'm surprised at you! Look at this sweet lil thing-" Mikey carefully picked the cat up to inspect it after getting off Raph's back, "Hey there lil one, you hitched a ride with the right guy, we'll take good care a' you.." Raph sighed a little, he was too tired for this and knew it was a loosing argument trying to talk them out of keeping the cat. "If we keep her we'll need to go stock up on food, and a bed, and a litter box n litter and a collar- It's a lot of work and on top of runnin' the farm and all out other animals-"

"Her?" Leo asked, Raph nodded, "Yeah can't ya tell she's a girl? She's a month old, maybe a month n a half- What? Why are y'all lookin' at me like that-? I like animals alright? Just- Make sure she don't get outside before we get a collar on her… I'm gonna go bring Dee some food before I start cleanin' up for the night." Leo nodded and looked back at the kitten, "She's so cute- How'd a miss somethin' that sweet sneakin' into my bag hahah.. She's gonna need a name too... Hmm" Mikey set her back on the table, "Let's see... Pumpkin? Cause she's orange? Or... Cinnamon?" "That might be a good name for a horse but she's a much lighter orange.. This lil lady needs a real good name.." "Maybe a snack will help us come up with somethin good! I've been cravin a toasted PB&J, you want one?" Leo chuckled as he was playing with the kitten, "Yeah, make it two if ya would" "Yessir! You want strawberry, marmalade or elderberry jam?" Leo perked up a little, "Wait, say that again.." "Uh.. You want strawberry, marmalade or elderberry jam?" "Marmalade..?" He looked over at the open cabinet, the jar Mikey pulled was filled with a light orange color, he looked back down the to cat, "Marmalade?" She tilted her head a little, it got her attention it seems. "So that's the one you want? ...Leo..? Leeoooo?" He snapped back to reality (ope there goes gravity) and nodded. "Yeah.. I think that's perfect."

[traumadumpwriter]

Heavy trigger warning! This story includes heavy themes of ab*se, r*pe, self h*rm, mental illness and violence.

You can check out the other chapters by going on the Freedom tag on my page!

All likes and comments are massively appreciated

Freedom: A John Shelby mini fic

Chapter five: 5889 words

The next day, Alice woke up completely ecstatic for the evening ahead. She got dressed and made breakfast quickly, leaving plates out for everyone before heading straight to Ada's. The family would soon all be awake and downstairs before the food could get too cold and although it may not have been as good as her usual fresh breakfasts, Alice felt too nervous to wait around for John and make conversation with him.

The woman was giddy like a teenager and the anxiety of going on a date was hitting her hard.

"It's been a long bloody time, what if I've lost all my moves?" She had worried as she hopped on the tram to Ada's, her mind racing and body alert. Every minute, she looked over her shoulder in fear of seeing Jones or one of his associates. But luckily, she never did and soon made it to the dingy apartment.

"I wasn't expecting to see you today. Is everything okay?" Ada asked after welcoming Alice in, always expecting the worst.

Karl was sat on her hip, fussing as she gently rocked him. It was clear on Ada's face that she hadn't slept much and so Alice headed over to her as she answered.

"Yeah everything is great.. Do you want me to rock him for a bit? You look shattered."

Ada's face filled with relief and she quickly handed Karl over to Alice before collapsing onto the messy bed. He soon settled into her arms, gurgling and giggling up at her as she began to baby talk to him. The girl had an indescribable amount of love for Ada and Karl, still quite shocked by her best friend being a mum. The last time she'd seen her before coming back to Birmingham, she was a sweet yet rebellious seventeen year old girl. Now she was a grown woman, just like Alice, and that pained them both.

"Thank you." Ada finally huffed, still lying face up on the bed. "He does love his auntie Alice."

"And his auntie Alice loves him." She cooed before turning to her friend with a straight voice. "Where's Freddie? You look like you haven't slept for bloody days."

"God knows! Fighting for the bullshit bloody cause somewhere! I haven't heard from him in days! Who even cares at this point anyway?" She groaned.

Alice gently put Karl into his crib, who immediately started whining, but ignored it and headed over to the bed.

"No! See! Now he's upset again!" Ada groaned, going to sit up but Alice stopped her.

"He just wants attention. Let him whine. He'll be right back in Aunties arms in just a moment." She comfortingly said. "Right now we need to talk about you and what you want."

"Is that why you came over?" Ada scoffed. "To talk about my shitty marriage? Surely not."

"Well actually I came over because I need to buy a nice dress and John gave us some money to-"

Ada immediately shot up straight at her brothers name.

"What do you mean John gave us some money?"

"He gave me some money for a nice dress and shoes and you to get whatever you want I guess. Girls day on him he said." Alice handed Ada her note, seeing her face soften and then immediately tighten again, this time with a mischievous grin.

"So my brother is taking you out on some kind of date and you need a dress for it? Since when has this been a thing?" She chuckled.

Alice headed back over to Karl, rocking him on her hip to stop the whining before bashfully answering.

"I don't even know, we kissed some weeks ago and then last night I basically told him to man up and ask me out, so he did." She replied, earning a laugh from Ada. "Now he says I need to get some nice clothes for a nice restaurant tonight, so come on. I'll get Karl ready while you sort yourself out."

Ada beamed up at her friend, knowing that John had wanted her for years and feeling extremely pleased for him. Out of all her brothers, he would be the one to treat her right and she knew that.

"Okay, I do need to get some clothes for Karl, he's already growing out of the ones I bought a month ago!"

—————

The two woman and Karl spent a couple hours in the city centre, going to all sorts of shops and trying on all sorts of clothes.

Alice hadn't bought herself anything with money in a long time, let alone an item of clothing. And this was her first time ever buying a luxury item of clothing. She tried on many dresses, all the meanwhile receiving either extremely excited or brutal feedback from Ada on how each one looked.

"No one wears that neck shape anymore, are you trying to look like a nun?" She had teased as Alice looked the dress up and down.

"Yeah it's almost like I was locked away and kept out of the fashion loop for nearly six years, isn't it?" Alice scoffed back, making Ada feel guilty until the girl sent her a cheeky smile.

"Nah you're right though. Let's go somewhere else. I wanna look... seductive for your brother tonight."

"Eww." Ada groaned, pushing Karl's pushchair out of the shop, but soon they were both giggling again as they headed into the next boutique, everyone clearing their path for the Shelby sister.

As lunchtime hit, Alice still hadn't found a dress she liked, sitting in a bakery cafe and complaining about it.

"I just don't get it. They're beautiful dresses, so why don't I feel beautiful in them?" She groaned before taking a bite out of her cake. "Mmm these are fucking good though."

"Maybe it's just because you're not used to seeing yourself looking so.. done up. After all those years, it's probably messing with your brain a bit." Ada sent her a soft look as she cut up Karl's food. "I mean I'm surprised you're even willing to do half the things you've been doing."

"Like what? Relatively functioning as a human being?" She teased, earning a scoff from her friend.

"Stop acting like what happened was just this minuscule thing that everyone can just brush over. It's amazing that you're even alive, you've got to give yourself more credit... I mean choosing a job at The Garrison of all places, if it were any other person I think she'd be terrified of men forever."

"I still am slightly terrified of them." Alice quietly admitted. "But I can't let myself be.. I have to be strong and unafraid. That's the only way to survive. Or else he wins."

Ada knew there was no use questioning the girl and her method of dealing with things, instead reverting the conversation back to shopping and the baby talk they were engaging in with Karl.

"I've got everything I need, with change to spare. There's one more dress shop down here, maybe when you look at these ones; try to remember that you're the beautiful Alice fucking Shepherd. Not whatever he made you be."

Ada's words definitely helped, boosting Alice's confidence as they tried on the next few dresses, actually feeling like they belonged on her this time. She wasn't just some impoverished, grubby girl poorly masquerading in a rich person's dress; she was a beautiful, enticing woman who deserved to wear something to match that beauty.

A long sleeved, turquoise dress suddenly stood out on the rack to her. The material was soft, covered by a symmetrical mesh pattern with the occasional line of sequins sewed in. It's v shaped neckline and low cut back would be slightly ever so revealing, as would the skirt that cut just at her knees, but at the right level where it wasn't too scandalous.

Once she tried it on, she was set on buying it, only encouraged by Ada's excitement as the tailor sewed in the waist for a tighter fit, accentuating her hourglass frame. Even the grumpy shop owner complimented her; claiming "if that dress were made for anyone, it's you."

The shoe shopping was easy, almost any sexy pair of black heels being satisfactory - as long as the heels weren't too high. Ada and Alice used to confidently strut around in three inch heels when they'd sneak out at night as teenagers and whilst Ada retained the trait, Alice hadn't worn heels in years. She secretly feared that she wouldn't be able to walk in them - feeling as if it would show her weakness; the forced change that she'd been through. But instantly upon walking along the cobbled street, her strut was as perfect and confident as ever before, putting a small spark in her belly and a grin on both her and Ada's faces.

—————

Now Alice was sat on Ada's bed as she styled her hair, Karl finally falling asleep and leaving the two women with some comfortable quietness whilst they discussed the night ahead.

"You know, I still can't believe you've been snogging one of my brothers and didn't tell me about it until today!" Ada snickered from the bed, a glass of wine in her hand. "That is so Alice fucking Shepherd of you!"

"What does that even mean?" Alice turned to her for a second before focusing back on the grubby vanity, attempting to style her hair. "I've heard so many people say that yet no one has ever explained it."

Ada took a sip from her glass and sat up straight before answering with a smile.

"In this instance it means you're unpredictable and maybe ever so slightly scandalous." Both of them giggled at that. "But I guess for other instances it would mean other things."

"Like what?" Alice said.

"I don't know like if someone were to attack everyone in the room because they were stopping her from slitting her wrists with a rusty fucking-"

"Okay, okay I get it." She cut off her friends retelling of the story with a playful side eye. "So if someone does something completely irrational, unpredictable and potentially scandalous or violent - you'd call it an Alice Shepherd."

"Yeah, pretty much." Ada answered shortly, causing the two women to giggle again.

"Anyway, that wasn't the original point. The original point was that you're going out with my fucking brother! That's so gross!"

"I think it's quite sexy actually." Alice teased before taking a sip of her brandy, Ada fake gagging in response.

Another hour passed of them drinking and chatting, Alice even using some of Ada's makeup to "properly doll herself up" as the woman had put it. She felt the nerves in her stomach getting worse by the minute, although the drink did calm them a bit.

It was at seven o clock, on the dot, that a car horn came from outside. The two woman turned to each other ecstatically before Alice rushed out the door, instantly feeling more relaxed when she saw the handsome man leaning cooly against his car.

"Wow. You really did get your moneys worth with that dress didn't you." John said, quickly eyeing her up and down before making eye contact and sending a cheeky grin. "Fuckin' gorgeous you are!"

"You're not looking too bad yourself you know?" Alice shot back although she was secretly going crazy with butterflies. "That a new suit or something? I don't see any blood on it."

He opened the car door and gestured for her to step in, looking gentlemanly until he rolled his eyes and teased her back with "You're not one to talk about blood stains."

She scoffed but nonetheless took his hand as she stepped up into the passenger seat, he soon beside her in the drivers. His hands went straight to a compartment by the wheel, pulling out two cigarettes and a lighter, casually chucking them on to her lap.

"Well let's hope I won't be getting any blood on this tonight." She took one of the cigarettes and lit it as John started to drive.

"There won't be no blood. Not tonight." He quickly ran his eyes along her again before focusing back on the road. "Definitely not with you looking like that."

The drive into the city centre was short but full of flirting, both of them growing more giddy by the minute.

John had been hyping himself up all day for this night, letting it stew in his head until it started to wind him up. However, as soon as he laid his eyes on the woman - a comforting grin pasted on her glowing face - he felt his anxiety fade and a feeling of awe and relief overflowing him. Her teasing didn't make him nervous, instead it made him more excited to be around her, constantly intrigued by what she'd say next.

Once they reached the restaurant though, her teasing stopped. Instead she was silent as she looked around at the gilded pillars and crystal chandeliers.

"This place is super fancy, John!" Alice whispered, looking around at the artistic decor in disbelief. "Are you sure this dress is nice enough? I feel underdressed."

The way her eyes looked up at him, looking so innocent as she showed a slip of insecurity, made his body stir and he moved his arm so that it was gently gripping her waist.

"Yes. I promise that dress is more than nice enough." He spoke quietly with a chuckle in a way that brought her comfort.

Some heads turned as they were walked to their private booth; either enamoured by the presence of a Shelby or the beautiful woman strutting alongside him. They were both aware of the stares but unbothered; John feeling proud to be seen with such an enticing woman whilst Alice was focusing on the glamour of the room she'd found herself in, never before having set foot in such a high class place.

Once they reached their table, Alice immediately started talking; awe still evident in her eyes.

"John, this is the poshest place I've ever been! Look at all these paintings and the architecture! Do you come here often?"

"Every so often with the boys, yeah." He replied, picking up the menu and quickly skimming through it before handing it across the table. "What do you want?"

As her eyes scanned the menu, they got wider by the second, each price getting higher than the last. She knew that John could afford it, but she couldn't help but feel slightly guilty at the thought of him spending that much money on her. If it was any other man, she would've gone for the most expensive option with no hesitation and felt nothing about it. But John made her soft and as much as she hated it, she also loved it.

"It's so expensive here, I don't know-" Alice started to speak unsurely but John interrupted her.

"Stop it with the humble shit. You're Alice fucking Shepherd, you're worth every penny I spend tonight and every penny after, you got that?" He was playfully dominant, in a way that made her want to submit but naturally she fought back, quickly switching back into her confident role as her brain had been trained to do so.

"Okay." She winked, looking through the menu again.

John hadn't taken his eyes off her since they sat down, seeing her posture, tone and position change with each of her mood swings. He was starting to be able to read her; when her self esteem would suddenly drop to when her false defences would just as quickly come up. It made him think about all the time he'd spent intimidated by her as a kid and how it was all just an act then too; that Alice fucking Shepherd was never really the big, bad wolf everyone saw her as. She was just a scared kid - just like he was.

That intense trail of thought was cut off though by the sound of Alice telling her order to the waitress, John following by saying "Just get me the usual."

The waitress didn't take long to bring their drinks; a bottle of wine and a bottle of whiskey. Both of which were quickly opened and being sipped on.

"So, how was shopping with Ada and Karl? I've heard he's a big fan of you." John said.

"It was really good actually, thank you. I think she needed it more than I did, bloody Freddie leaving her all by herself with Karl. I ought to give him a piece of my bloody mind when he comes back." She started to ramble before seeing the amused grin forming on John's lips, playfully glaring and saying "How about you, how's your day been?" before he could tease her.

"Been a slow one, was mostly at the shop, thinking about what dress I'd be seeing you in tonight." He grinned.

"You're a really big fan of this dress aren't you? Did you even notice the hair or the shoes?" She rolled her eyes but also with visible amusement.

"Yes I did in fact, I even noticed the bit of rouge or whatever you ladies call it on your face. And that black shit around your eyes." He paused for a moment before continuing. "It looks good."

The playful flirting fired back and forth all throughout dinner, a game of sorts being played of who can make who react the most. It was a game that Alice used to play masterfully with almost every man she encountered, but John was a fair match - another thing she found riveting.

"I thought there was going to be dancing." She scoffed, putting her cutlery down as she finished her dish. "Where's the dancing John?"

"If you want to dance, get up and dance." He scoffed back at her with a grin. "Go on!"

"You're the one who said we'd go dancing! Why don't you dance!"

"Because I won't look half as good as you doing it." He put his cutlery down and gestured for a waiter to come over as he spoke. "And anyway, I thought maybe that you could do some cooking and we just dance together like that one night, you're a good cook after all."

"What, tonight? After all this food we've just eaten?"Alice shot him a confused look.

"No obviously not tonight. Another night." He send a cheeky smirk, earning a fake gasp from Alice.

"So we're going on another date are we?"

"I recon so, don't you?" The smirk had fallen slightly and she could tell that he was serious, maybe even slightly nervous.

She raised her eyebrows with a grin, her eyes locking with his as she replied "Yeah I do recon so."

His cool facade instantly resumed and he finished his drink, pouring himself another one before speaking again.

"So how come you're so good at cooking now? Can't remember you ever being in a kitchen if it weren't to bother someone." He chuckled. "All that time away must've taught you that at least."

Alice too poured herself another drink before speaking, a flicker of painful memories momentarily flashing through her mind.

"Well one of the only things I was let out to do was cook. The other women taught me some things I guess, even though they were a bunch of bitches. And it's not like I ever got to eat much of what I made, if any at all." Her gaze settled onto the glass in her hands, her body freezing as she talked - a completely different atmosphere enveloping the table as John intently listened, taking note of the empty stare she displayed; like a soldier retelling a war story.

"He did it on purpose, to make me cook the food, have to smell it and plate it up for everyone.. and then maybe get someone's scraps if I'm lucky... I would sneak food sometimes but when I got caught.. I-" Her breath caught in her throat and like snapping out of a trance, her body started to move again, bringing the glass to her lips and taking a big gulp before finally looking up at John's face.

"Can we go? I want to get a big bottle of something and go drive around in the country. I want to be outside and feel free. Does that sound stupid?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, shocking John with the sudden emotion she was visibly burdened by.

"I-I'm sorry. I just-" she started to stammer but John cut her off, putting his hand on her knee under the table.

"What you sorry for? That sounds like a great idea! Let's do it now!" He grinned, instantly soothing her anxiety.

As they left the restaurant, picking up two bottles of wine and a bottle of whiskey as they did, he continued with his excited front despite his mind starting to wander back to violence, desperate to kill this man and any other who'd dare hurt Alice.

His arm stayed wrapped tightly around her waist from the table to the car, feeling protective but again also having pride for being seen with her as the envious eyes scanned him.

Instantly upon getting in the car, Alice opened one of the wine bottles, chugging from it in an attempt to get her teenage confidence back.

"Did I actually, really just nearly cry in front of a man on a date? This can't be right." She thought to herself. "I'm Alice fucking Shepherd.. But I don't even know who the fuck that is anymore."

"So any particular place in mind?" John chuckled, watching her as he lit a cigarette, his mind also racing despite his cool demeanour.

"Anywhere. I just want to feel free." She quickly answered back before continuing to chug the bottle. He thought for a moment before taking it from her hand, earning a sharp look of confusion from the girl.

"Look Alice, I'll take you anywhere." He moved a hand to cradle her face, her eyes instantly softening. "But it's not gonna make you feel free."

As much as Alice knew his words were true, she hated to hear them and resumed her previous glare; pushing his hand from her face so that she could look away, fearful of showing him real emotion.

"What is then?" She bitterly muttered, turning to face the window. Only for a second though as his calloused hand softly reconnected with her cheek, bringing their eyes together again.

"I wish I could tell you, but shutting off and going all moody definitely won't." He said in his comforting tone that couldn't help but bring a smile to Alice's face.

"See look how beautiful you are when you smile!" He grinned, only making her smile widen and her face start to go pink.

"Is that a blush I see? I think I've won this round." John chuckled as he finally started the car, moving one hand to rest on her thigh as soon as the vehicle was in motion.

"Yeah sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night." Alice shot back with a giggle, pretending not to notice the strong hand wrapped gently around her sensitive thigh.

A few moments of silence passed until John decided to continue the conversation from earlier, determined to get some real answers as to what had happened to her.

"So anyway, you were saying.. what happened when you got caught taking food?" His hand moved from her thigh to the gear stick, his eyes on the road ahead.

A heavy sigh left Alice's lips and she grabbed the bottle again, much to John's annoyance.

"Drinking ain't gonna make it go away. It's just gonna make you like Arthur." He tutted.

"I know." She shortly replied before softening again. "I just.. I need you to promise that you won't think of me differently. Not as tainted or disgusting. You promise?"

John turned back to her with sincere eyes. "I promise." 

As soon as she started to tell the story, her body stiffened and her voice went dull as it had earlier.

"Well, he would usually just beat me up, force himself on me." She began instantly sending a shiver down John's spine.

"I don't think there was one time I actually said yes to him putting that thing in me. Most days I spent locked in this tiny caravan, or chained up just outside it with the dogs.. He found that real funny and his friends did too." Her gaze was fixed on the view out the window and her grip on the bottle tightened, taking another heavy swig before she continued.

"They put out cigarettes on me, whipped me with the metal tips of their belts, cut me and carved me, just for their own sick pleasure. He even let them all take turns with my body.. that was the worst punishment of them all."

Despite the numb, dissociative spell she had put herself in when she'd started talking; her eyes began to water and her voice began to shake, the tough fortress falling with every word. John on the other hand, was having the realisation that whatever she went through was far worse than he'd ever imagined, possibly worse than what he'd seen at war, and perhaps pushing her for answers was a cruel thing to do.

His hand moved back to her thigh in an attempt to comfort, instead making her flinch as her body relived the trauma and all of a sudden there were thick trails of tears running down her face - much to her embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. You probably think I'm so weak and disgusting now-" she began to stammer but John cut her off, parking suddenly so that his eyes could focus on her instead of the road.

"Alice, you are the furthest thing from weak and disgusting I have ever seen. Don't say that about yourself." He moved his hand from her thigh to cradle her face, gently wiping her tears with his thumb.

In front of him was the injured lamb that he'd suspected to be hiding inside the hungry wolf, although maned and bleeding much more than he'd ever imagined. It was a sight he found himself shocked to see - much like the night she ran into the road and catapulted herself back into his life - he knew he needed to comfort her now, make actions later.

She was blushing deep red, feeling so vulnerable and yet so secure in John's hands, his words being more comforting than he could ever know. Yet for some reason, more tears fell from her eyes and a sob escaped her mouth as she became more emotional by the second. John reached over to hug her before realising the impracticality and jumping out the car, pacing to her side and opening the door before enveloping her tightly as she fell into his arms.

"That man is a sick bastard and I'm going to see to it that he and every other fucker who ever laid even a finger on you, gets their fucking heads bashed in. Okay?" He spoke quietly in her ear, trying to maintain a soft tone but some words being laced with palpable venom, something he quickly swallowed down upon realising it probably wasn't too comforting to a woman scarred by violent men.

She just continued to sob into his arms, appreciating the sentiment but knowing Jones and his men were impossible to track down. It wasn't like she hadn't already told the stories to Ada, crying her heart out over a shared bottle of vodka, but for a reason she couldn't place, telling John was an extra level of emotion to deal with.

It was upsetting for him too as he knew not what to say to console her, feeling her shake with every quiet sob into his chest.

"Alice Shepherd, you are so fucking strong and beautiful. The most strongest and most beautiful woman I've ever bloody known, you know that right?" He softly spoke, rubbing circles into her back with one hand while loosening the other arm, hoping she'd look up at him.

Still, her face stayed glued to his chest, feeling embarrassed for him to see any more tears. John knew that - as he'd said before; certain things Alice did were very predictable.

"Come on, I wanna see those beautiful eyes." He whispered. "And I wanna hear your voice too. I wanna hear your laugh, I missed that when I was in London."

That surprised her, sparking a small light in the dark storm inside of her head.

"Really?" She looked up with wide eyes, the innocent little girl she never got to be slipping out for a second.

"Yes, really." John smiled, moving a hand to stroke her face again as he found himself completely enamoured by her in the pale moonlight - her tear stained eyes glistening and her nose pink.

"Well I guess I missed your laugh too." She sniffled, the corners of her lips starting to rise.

"You guess?" John shot back with a chuckle, earning a giggle from Alice which he immediately reacted to by proclaiming "See! That's what I want to hear!" only earning more giggles from the girl. "Like bloody music to my ears!"

"God John, you're really something else aren't you?" She smiled with a small sniffle, dabbing her wet eyes with the edge of her sleeve.

"I'm something else? Please, you're Alice fucking Shepherd. Don't ever forget that." He grinned, placing another kiss on her forehead before going to step back. She stopped him though, grabbing his hand as she placed her lips on his.

The kiss was a short one, but it was enough. They were soon back in the automobile, drinks in hand as John drove out of the city, determined to give her the best night possible.

Once John had finally reached the countryside; parking up in a random field, Alice immediately jumped out of the car with an excited giggle. She had finished one of the wine bottles during the drive and now had the second one in her hand, something that John had stopped protesting once hearing her story.

It was clear to him that she just wanted to completely forget it and never talk about it again - atleast for that night - and so he didn't ask any more questions about her husband or the experiences with him. He didn't really want to know anymore anyway; not if it wasn't the details necessary to find and kill the men.

Instead, their conversations had drifted to humour and flirtation - Alice's eyes drying up and her mood seeming as if nothing had even happened.

The moon was at its peak in the star filled sky, lightly illuminating the land. John got out of the car slower than Alice, chuckling at her excitement. He was also drunk, although not as much, and watched as she took off her heels and gently placed them on the hood of the car, her face continuously beaming as she did it.

"Why you taking them off for? It's just a bloody field, surely you've been in many." He stepped over and loosely draping his arm around her waist.

She turned to him with a grin, the stars reflected in her awe filled eyes.

"I have, but now I can do this."

Before John could ask what, she suddenly took off running, whooping and happily punching the air as she did. It took him a moment to react, confused for a second as her laughter echoed across the empty field.

"She's always gonna be a fucking nutter." He thought endearingly "God, I'm fucking whipped aren't I?"

The man chuckled to himself before taking off running after her, joining in with the whooping and laughing. They did this for a bit of time until John stopped, heavily breathing whilst watching Alice now just spinning around in circles.

"How long did you want to do this for?" He asked, prompting her to finally stop spinning and dizzily look at him.

She was too heavily breathing, chuckling in between her breaths as she stumbled and oo fell, laughing even as she hit the ground.

"I think I'm finished now. Just haven't been able to do that in a long time." She laid flat on the grass and looked up at the sky. "The grass feels different when you actually want to be in it."

John looked at her for another moment, seeing how content she was with just the simplest pleasure giving his gut a certain satisfaction.

"I'm sure it does." He said quietly, lowering so that he was sat down next to her.

"Do you wanna know what feels even better though?" Her voice was laced with amusement.

He laid down flat so that he was too looking up at the sky before answering "Go on, tell me."

Not a second passed before she was suddenly straddling him, running her hands along his chest with a smirk. It shocked him slightly and he almost let out a small gasp when he first felt the pressure of her crotch against his. He quickly relaxed again though, sitting up with a grin and putting his arms around her waist as she began to pepper his neck with kisses.

Slowly, she lead up to his lips and started to softly gyrate her hips against his. He immediately kissed back, his hand starting to grip her waist as the grinding intensified. They did this for a minute before finally breaking apart, their eyes intently staring into each others.

As soon as he made the eye contact, it became clear just how intoxicated Alice was and snapped him back to the reality of their earlier conversation. Doing this with her would be a huge betrayal of trust, it would be taking advantage of her in the most vulnerable state he's ever seen her in - something that she would surely hate him for in the morning. So, as much as he loved how she felt, his cock pleading with his brain to shut up, he placed a hand on her shoulder and stopped her.

"You're fucking wasted Alice, I'm not going any further." He chuckled at her confused expression.

"Oh!" She pulled away entirely. "Do you not want to?"

He could see that she was about to get off of him, so he quickly put his hands back on her hips with a comforting smile.

"Of course I want to... I just don't think it's a good idea right now."

For a second, Alice felt a pang of rejection, but his calm tone sobered her mind slightly and she realised that he was right for many reasons. As much as she wanted him; to please and submit to him, there was a part of her that still felt fearful of that and everything it could mean, and so she nodded in agreement.

"Maybe when we're sober, aye?" John winked and pecked her forehead, earning a small giggle from the girl. "You've gotten me far too drunk and now I've got to drive us home! You're a naughty girl Alice!"

"You don't have to drive us home anytime soon! We just got here!"

(Dress inspo loosely based on image although you can imagine it how u want but I think this style is true to the era)

[intertexts-moving]

HHHHHHHHHHH

so funny story i saw that post you made some time ago when you were liveblogging the cloak scene, the "did it hurt" scene and it significantly changed my view

also ive never looked at their second meeting that way before. i have many thoughts re: first conversation, first interaction (? is it an interaction when you try to flirt with a stranger up the banister and they ignore you?,,, asking for a friend), but never paid much attention to the ehem conVENIENT "you fall i catch" thing beyond how weirdly interesting it is. since wkx has no romantic/platonic/personal-anything intention at all at that point, but subconsciously is very much drawn to the guy still. but yeah actually, this is kind of spot on. HH oh god fuck im not going to be normal about this. i thought i was insane when i clocked that their first conversation, when wkx starts talking about that butcher and about how it must be impossible for someone to have that level of skill as zzs being in disguise without any traces of it at all suggests, has so many layers already. hes speaking there as if he has perceived zzs without realizing it. perceived him as this guy who has basically made himself into a myth (like wkx himself!) and as this thing completely unattinable for him, a man mirroring him down to his soul and living a life he can only dream of. the yearning!!! ughghguhgg. the complete lack of self-awareness of it!!!! the hilarity of the situation because wkx is right, and he is literally only following a gut instinct, and he has no idea!!! i thought i was overthinking it a little. im glad im not alone there, seeing things in their first interactions that, without ever really being talked about, ripple deep into the story??

and oh a mutual tag! thats a great idea im going to do that too. siren is very much fine, what would you like me to tag you as?

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah yeahyeah ive been thinking abt this all day actually.. like. the subconscious recognition. the like. the inherent understanding the two of them have even b4 they know each other!!! first thing zzs ever thinks abt wkx is the "somehow, in this vast sea of strangers, he still found someone who understood." the first reaction he pulls out of wkx is that hey. huh. i was right? moment when he hears him echo that he was sunbathing. & its so indicative of how they continue on out from there- iirc, wkx never tells zzs he's the ghost valley master. zzs never actively tells wkx about the nails. or any of the other shit they have going on. its the. silent hunch & feeling things out & recognition... like fumbling around in a dark room except they find the light switch every time first try.

& YEAH i havent thought abt it that way b4 but u are SO right... the inherent hilarity of wkx just. really just making fifty educated guesses in a row about zzs and each one of them hitting spot on. the way that yeah the only reason that it. Works. is bcos they genuinely are mirrors of each other& all the things they see abt the other map back onto themselves too..

also GOD. i think abt the cloak scene & wkx's way of interacting w/ zzs so much.. this is. probably bcos i'm disabled (re: chronic fatigue & illness etc.) & i've had variously disabled friends & like... idk. i recognize it!!! the way he is like. "okay. i'm treating you like normal i'm not gonna be weird about it i'm gonna try not to make you uncomfortable about it. but nevertheless if you're in pain i'm going to help you in the most straightforward way possible. idiot. just because i dont treat you like you're glass doesn't mean i'm gonna let you hurt. just because your body is slowly running down like a broken machine doesn't mean i'm gonna treat you like you're made of glass. i want to do whatever i can for you though ok?".....makes me froth at the mouth NFNSDFKSDFD.

[ultraviollettt]

I posted 21,453 times in 2022

41 posts created (0%)

21,412 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@copyrightedpodcasts

@anonymouslylovesyou

@theminecraftbee

@andy-victoria

@elytrians

I tagged 1,110 of my posts in 2022

#vio text - 36 posts

#prev - 24 posts

#nsft - 24 posts

#lmao - 17 posts

#web weave potential - 8 posts

#inspo - 7 posts

#lmaooo - 4 posts

#lmaoo - 4 posts

#prev gets it - 4 posts

#prev yeah - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#i remember my mom trying to explain what gay ppl are through it and i was like like 'god mom i know 🙄🙄🙄' (the way any 13 yo does lol)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

pov: wilbur soot has released his new fic and its tagged with Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)

15 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

#4

do you know how many megamind screenshots are on my dash right now

17 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

#3

art blog: @ultravhasart

ao3: ultraviollett

this blogs just me spamming out whatever thing ive latched onto at that moment. you get it

-i like like/reblog spam

-i like ppl screenshotting my tags

-i dont tag anything lol

-i add tone tags to make it clear im joking/light hearted if idk if i come off that way, and also if i dont know if i sound genuine. they might be posts that sound completely genuine, but if im unsure ill add it

-if you put fandoms in your dni because you think liking that thing is morally wrong,,, you can still follow lol but please just ask yourself why

-i block ppl really easily, i once blocked someone for being critical on lovejoy (+not tagging it) so dwbi

-if i screenshot your tags and you want them to be deleted you can ask and ill delete it

19 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

#2

okay but imagine grian waking up again after dying, memory sortve foggy and definitely disoriented, but he starts doing all the normal thing: crafting bench, punching wood etc.

but he feels like somethings watching him.

the feeling gets stronger over time, but he tries to continue, gathering resources to keep building. at some points he'll turn around trying to catch whatever it is. then it progresses to where its always in the corner of his eye, and he cant stop thinking about it

and then finally he sees it. and its his own ghost, trailing behind him. its harmless, and peaceful, but. its there. and its never going away

21 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

tfc meme

57 notes - Posted March 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[milogreer]

HELLO here are my incoherent thoughts on these kick ass playlists 💖 this is even longer than part one because i'm soooo normal about blake, milo, and morgan specifically. obviously. have fun 😇

elliot

this side of paradise takes me out EVERY TIME. ENOUGH

okaayyyy fourth of july? closing this playlist now-

RIBS?? rubs temples

frame the halves and call them brothers….

RUN BOY RUN IS MAKING ME SICK

no fuckin way you put sufjan’s fourth of july on here too. HELLO?

blake

sorry in advance ‘cause i fear. i will be very insane about this one. 2 hours and 45 minutes??

okay so i already said in previous tags that ‘the red means i love you’ made me grind my teeth together but i’ll say it here too. cause it’s true.

“i can fit two people under my skin […] you crawled up in there and joined me within” LOVE this song grrrr

monet issues ……… okay i am listening. “spent too many years finding myself in the wreckage under rubble, i got myself in trouble” “blood doesn’t mean a thing when you cannot fucking breathe and you lose yourself completely” IM DONE LISTENING.

STALKER’S TANGOOO A CLASSIC. no notes.

“and i found jesus, what a liar, so i trade licks with muddy waters” COME ONNN

FUCKIN SLEEPWALK?? holy shit i haven’t heard this song in ages. fuck this one is so good

stoppp stop stop saint bernard??? this song makes me CRAZY

an unhealthy obsession ✔️ another classic yandere song. “you’ve got those eyes that drive me crazy and i’ve got eyes to watch you sleep” 💀

THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED ON IDLE WORSHIP

BACKSTABBER OMG. i legit haven’t heard this song since i was a teen. fuck yeah. bonus points for the basement line gdkjghfkl

“i hear voices, i see visions / these spirits are your prison” ‼️‼️‼️

of course we must have meant to be yours. what yandere character playlist is complete without it

cold cold cold YESSS. GENIUS. “as the darkness falls, it fills up both my eyes / my life before me like a flash in the night” YES

this is love is going to make me start throwing things for REAL. “everyone that tried to fix me knows that i can’t change a bit / i’ve got no shame, got no pride, only skeletons to hide” RRRGGGG

sitting with brutus for a long time. many thoughts. also “as i set to face it, i’m unsure / should i embrace it, should i run? what motivates me, hatred? is it love?” GOD

‘bad idea right?’ mhm mhm nodding sagely

MY WAY OF LIFE. YOU GET ME.

AND SUPER PSYCHO LOVE WOOO. i love yandere songs <3

this took almost my whole lunch break but it was so worth it. tysm for this i can’t wait to be even more mentally ill about blake than i already was by listening to this in full lmfao

sam/darlin

oh my fuckin god francesca.... "how could you think, darlin, i'd scare so easily?" "my life was a storm since i was born, how could i fear any hurricane?" STOP.

thank you for putting lil nas between two hozier songs bc i needed the reprieve honestly before de selby (part 2). this is sick

save a horse ride a cowboy my beloved <3

YOO FIRECRACKER. josh turner <33 ik sam is literally southern but it's still so fun to me when there's country songs on his playlists 'cause i feel like country songs are never on character playlists :') i love this

no but this is full of gems... tongues & teeth, we'll never have sex, arms tonight, the night we met, until i found you, i found ?? it just keeps going. NORTHERN ATTITUDE?? LITTLE LION MAN. CEILINGS. i have to get out of here actually

I'M DYING AT SHAKE IT FOR ME. how is this song from 2011 i feel SO OLD

sam

pleaaase please not family line again 🫠

bdg covered lay all your love on me??? this is sending me to the MOON

MMM ain't it fun is so so good. thinking

i think you had believe me in one of your other posts abt sam but mannn MAN. MAN I LOVE IT.

seeing jaymes young on playlists gives me ptsd like i KNOW whatever song it is is gonna hurt. and it did here too 😔

david

kind of really obsessed with this cover of make a man out of you

bahaha true love by p!nk 😭 sooo real. i love this song

[sees yellow by coldplay] HEY 🫵🏼 stop that!!

SAINT BERNARD AGAIN BRO. CMON

i don't know welcome home son by radical face but i know enough radical face to be afraid of that song LMAO

asher

hard times is such a banger for ash, like ... this energy with these lyrics >>>

wow i only know a handful of these actually 🫣 LOVE scrawny for him sm AND ELECTRIC LOVE<3

milo

MY MAIN MAN. RGHH. something so personal abt his cover having a cross necklace *_*

good old fashioned lover boy EXACTLY EXACTLY. i'm literally always saying this

listening to i can't handle change like this 😐🧍🏼‍♀️ why would you do this to me

hmm i wasn't sure abt sweater weather at first but actually yeah... yeah

oohh nothing is so sweet 🥺 like giving me a cavity sweet. i love it

wait i've been listening to this one as a real playlist and why did it take me halfway through everywhere i go to remember this wasn't just my liked songs LMFAO

rolling from would that i into bad idea right has me CACKLING. kind of a genius pick! really fun song from either POV honestly

WOMANIZER IS SO TRUE like sometimes i'm sorta picky abt referring to him as some kind of playboy but like . he's CHARMING. we all know this. he sure as shit knows it

oh fuck shut up and drive?? between this and animals on david's playlist i'm gonna act UP

hey speaking of nickelback LOL she keeps me up is such a fun song

HAHAHA VIOLET?? "looking through the peephole on the door of my apartment" STOP that's so funny 😭😭

hmmmm. slides habits onto my blake playlist.

us putting teeth on our milo playlists🤝 god this song rules

what the fuck did troye sivan put in this album?? "i feel like my mother might like you" 🥺🥺

jealousy jealousy !! "i think too much 'bout kids who don't know me" SHH. HUSH. finding out even milo gets self conscious was like a kick in the head

OH MAN CLASSIC IS SO GOOD.

vincent, vincent/lovely, & porter

speedrunning all them in one go cause i'm not super into these guys RIP

two birds is SICK it is sick and twisted on every playlist i've ever seen or put it on

extremely satisfied to see electric love on here LMAO opportunity knocked and you answered!

STOP WITH SUFJAN'S FOURTH OF JULYYY OW

strawberry wine ....... 🫠

oh my god and through me (the flood) wtf.

LITTLE TALKS. good god i was just shot back to my sophomore year of high school

oohhhh the busted wine bottle for porter's cover >>>

ok the first four songs on porter's KICK ASS. brutus in this context gives me goosebumps like crazy ("if you want i'll call you king, but why do i lie awake each night thinking instead of you, it should be me" GEEZ)

first time??? okay. i'm glad that's the end of this because that's so mean 😭

geordi

this luigi's mansion remix goes so hard

FUCK ABOUT IT >:0 my best friend sent me that for them a few weeks ago!! sick and twisted but so so tasty

songs i can't listen to is going to make me WEEP. AHHHH

literally the first line in i love you so gets me every single time for him 😐 and it's all downhill from there

vampire?? VAMPIRE? dog. you can't do this to me.

DIAL DRUNK YOU CANTTT DO THIS 😭😭

okay my girlfriend is a witch is making me giggle so you're forgiven LMAO

never mind you put be nice to me on here. "there's very little left of me and it's never coming back" WE'RE SO OVER

morgan

^ me rn opening morgan's playlist knowing i'm to blame for it. i’ve had dinner between morgan and geordi so i have ENERGY.

i only know once in a lifetime from the meme but “letting the days go by, let the water hold me down” ✔️✔️✔️ same as it ever was‼️‼️

DEAD MAN’S PARTY YESSS THE VIBES!!!!

ooohhhh what’s the time where you are !! i rly liked this one when i first heard it on milo’s (i think) & it fits rly well here too :0

murder on the dancefloor ✍🏻✍🏻

I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU EXPECT STARING INTO THE TV SET 🎶🎶 FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE

argh i have GOT to listen to more of duo’s music ….

GIRLS ON FILM 👯‍♀️🎥

mad world??? “the dreams in which i’m dying at the best i’ve ever had” ??? this isn’t fun anymore 😐

you worry too much, you make yourself sad ‼️ you can’t change fate but don’t feel so bad‼️

OK OK I’M DONE. DOG THESE ARE SO AWESOME. the effort you’ve put into them is NUTS and they’re so gorgeous !! i had a blast listening and reacting to them hehe ty again for sharinggg and i am NOT sorry for inspiring the morgan playlist 😌💕

my redacted audio spotify playlists - pt one

alrighty gang, here we are! ive been teasing it for a while, but im finally making a post with the links to my redacted audio playlists.

the ones i have public are the only ones that will be included, i dont have my listener character ones public rn only because theyre based on my interpretations of the listeners and are very special to me.

anyways, lets get on to the fun part! btw, some of the songs on the ship playlists might skew a bit towards a gendered-ish feel. thats just based on my interpretation of the listener characters. the songs can still work in a gender neutral sense.

included in this; guy/honey, guy, the D.A.M.N. crew, gavin/freelancer, lasko/coworker, gavin, lasko, damien, huxley, elliott/sunshine

i will be reblogging this soon with the rest of the playlists, have no fear hjkfagfh

the playlists

━━━━━━

guy/honey

guy

the D.A.M.N. crew (mainly polyDAMN)

gavin/freelancer

lasko/coworker

gavin

lasko

damien

huxley

elliott/sunshine

[obsessedtomone]

Unravel Yourself Before Me ⛓️ Chapter 14 - Sleepover▸Shigaraki x femReader

Chapter Summary:

◤ “Yeah?” You can’t help but fidget anxiously with the material of your sleeve.

“No goodbye kiss?” Shigaraki smirks, closing the distance.

You immediately scowl. “Don’t be gross.” 

He still grabs your chin and you try to pull away, but he uses his other hand to cup the side of your head, fingertips running through the roots of your hair and holding you in place for him. 

Bastard really did think this was a date, after all.

Fuck’s sake. ◢ Setting: University AU - No quirks (unless degenerate personalities count) Tags: Slow burn, Eventual Smut, Very Unhealthy/Toxic Relationships, Humiliation, Mentally Ill Reader, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to ??? Warning: Dead Dove – Do Not Eat | Mind the tags TW: Implied Su/Self H, Dubcon, Past Child Abuse, Bullying, Reader has a super shitty past like actually, Shigaraki Tomura is his own warning.

AO3 Crosspost | Chain Divider by firefly-graphics

Chapters: One • Two • Three • Four • Five • Six • Seven • Eight • Nine • Ten(ko) • Eleven • Twelve • Thirteen • Fourteen • Fifteen

Chapter 14 - Sleepover

He drums his fingers against the metal surface of the table and decides to get up.

You remain seated.

“No? The fuck you mean ‘we’re going back to your place’?” you mock him, doing obnoxious air quotation marks with your fingers as you feel your blood pressure rapidly increasing.

Shigaraki glares at you in return, scratching at his neck for the third time today.

“You’re coming to my place and you’re staying over,” he mumbles, as if him repeating the same string of delusional words would make it any more understandable to you.

“I’m—huh? What?!” You slowly get out of your chair, grabbing your phone from the table, then carefully back away from him.

“Why are you acting all stupid again? I don’t fucking understand.” He frowns and you notice his fist clenching and unclenching at his side, while the other is gripping the material of his jacket tightly.

Is he being for real right now?

“Oh, you don’t understand? Okay. Let me paint a pretty picture for you, Shigaraki.” You cross your arms defensively. “I spent the entire fucking week following you around and absolutely humiliating myself in front of the whole university—again. I’m not about to fucking go sleep in your bed like we’re a couple of besties or—God forbid like a—” You gag, unable to speak the thought out loud.

Shigaraki, who looks absolutely bewildered that you would still dare, begins shaking. The scratching on his neck intensifies.

“How many times do I have to drill into your thick—fucking—skull, that you do whatever the fuck I tell you to? Why do you force me to have to rip you apart so you’ll listen?!” Shigaraki growls, getting so close, he now toweres over you before continuing, “I’ve been nothing but fucking nice to you today.” 

You glance at the other clients and at the worried employees nervously, swiftly deciding that you’ll definitely never fucking show up to eat here ever again.

Anxiously, your gaze falls back on him. His brows are scrunched and his lips pull back. You watch him as he takes a reaaaally deep breath and closes his eyes in contemplation. 

When he opens them again, he’s a completely different person.

“Okay,” he says flatly, relaxing back into his usual bored look, shoulders dropping together with the hand that was assaulting his neck.

“Oookay?” You raise a brow, clutching your belongings tightly, still wary of a potential violent outburst and hoping he has some decency not to strike your face in front of other people.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll drive you home.” 

He shoots an arm out to grab his keys from the table impatiently and you flinch, only remembering the burn of your cheek after he hit you at the party. 

His eyes narrow, but he doesn't comment otherwise, taking his jacket off the backrest and shoving it in your face, after which he grabs you by your wrist and drags you out of the establishment.

─────────

The drive home is really quiet, save for the occasional drumming of his fingers against his wheel and your anxiety fueled careful-breathing. You’re clutching your school bag close to your chest. The jacket he made you wear feels heavy on your shoulders.

Was that it or is he plotting to do something fucked again? 

You look outside the window and try to calm yourself down, while watching the evening scenery quickly pass by. It’s so dark already. Winter makes everything seem so bleak. It feels detached but comforting, in a way.

Like he’s your charon, taking you on your final trip to hell.

When he pulls up in front of your street, you mumble a quick ‘thanks’, throw his jacket on the seat and hurry the fuck up to get out and leave. To your dissatisfaction, you hear his side of the door open as well. 

You sigh, turning back to him with a look. 

“Yeah?” You can’t help but fidget anxiously with the material of your sleeve.

“No goodbye kiss?” Shigaraki smirks, closing the distance.

You immediately scowl. “Don’t be gross.” 

He still grabs your chin and you try to pull away, but he uses his other hand to cup the side of your head, fingertips running through the roots of your hair and holding you in place for him. 

Bastard really did think this was a date, after all.

Fuck’s sake.

“Do not kiss me.” Your eyes dart away from his face.

“Why not? I know you wanted it too. At the party. Before the party.” He brushes your lip with his thumb and you stare at him. “C’mon. Just once,” he lies to you, the rasp in his voice hauntingly soft. “I’ve been so nice…”

“Stockholm syndrome victims also end up wanting to fuck their captors. We both know I’m extremely messed up, so what? I said no.” 

His breath hitches.

“You wanna fuck me?” His tongue flicks over his dry lower lip and the glint of mischief in his eyes is rendering you momentarily speechless. Of course he’d focus on the wrong fucking thing.

“Y-You fucking know what I meant,” you only manage to whisper, when he bends down and nuzzles the side of your face, making your skin prickle and your breath stutter. You’re currently unable to decide which one you hated more—his anger and control issues or you finding him disgustingly attractive.

“Do I?” Shigaraki rasps against your ear, forcing a shudder out of you. “See? Give yourself to me. I’ll be so fucking good to you. Reward me.”

Half of his face is being cast into a soft shadow from the glow of a yellow street lamp nearby. It makes your heart race.

You need to put an end to this, before you fall into his trap any further. You need to remember where you stand, because—

“I-It’s not like I’m in any position to refuse you. Right?”

"Don't spin it like that." Shigaraki pulls back and frowns.

"Then how should I spin it? I say no and you still do what you want. How's this time any different?"

He looks away with a pout—a pout?!—and grumbles, "It's more fun when you're into it."

Your jaw drops. Is he seriously sulking right now? 

You close your eyes and take a moment to compose yourself, before your fuse blows up in his face and he gets mad again.

How do you get yourself out of this? 

Should you lie? Promise him another time? Do you give in, fall back into bad habits and go through another spiel of pleasing him like he’s your new owner? 

That’s what he is, isn't he? Just your owner. He doesn’t miss a beat reminding you every chance he gets. He wants you and he gives no damn about how you feel, despite pretending to care today.

Shigaraki is training you like a dog, meaning it’s only a matter of time until you act out and he loses his patience, making this thinly veiled security go up in flames.

Your chest tightens and you feel tears threatening to spill, but you force that feeling back, back, back, until it’s all the way up on your tower of sorrows.

When you open your eyes and look into his red ones, you see possible conflict painted on his face. 

You place your hands firmly against his chest and shake your head. 

“Goodnight, Shigaraki.”

He reluctantly lets you go, gaze half lidded and not saying anything, surprisingly unphased by your rejection.

Unphased, because three minutes into your walk towards the entrance of your building, you realize the asshole wouldn’t stop following you.

You seethe through gritted teeth, stomping your way home. “Any chance I’ve miraculously shifted timelines, and you’re only being a gentleman who’ll be fucking off the moment I get inside?” 

“Nope.”

“Unbelievable,” you growl and he shrugs despite your back being turned to him. “We are not fucking tonight. Is that clear?” 

“Does that mean we’re fucking another time?” You heard him snicker a few steps behind you.

“No! It fucking means—It means that you stalking me all the way to my home and forcing your way into staying over will not result in getting your dick wet, now or ever. Fucking asshole!” You wipe away at your welling tears of frustration. 

He’s so incredibly overwhelming, you just needed a break. One fucking weekend! 

Is it too much to fucking ask for?!

Shigaraki doesn’t reply, opting to just silently trudge behind you, hands in the pockets of his pants as you unlock the door to your building. 

He glances at you holding the door open, urging him to fucking hurry when you see him take his phone out and typing something before following you in.

“Gonna shower,” you announce resignedly, dropping your school bag right at the entrance, throwing your shoes haphazardly on the floor.

He watches you for a second and proceeds to literally copy you.

“Can I watch?”

“For free? No way.” 

You pull the sweater over your head and take off your pants, completely ignoring him as you leave your usual trail of clothes on the way to your bedroom, still having the decency of keeping your underwear on. It feels chilly in your apartment too, so you hurry on.

Tomura froze on your doorstep, swallowing hard, deep red eyes following your form. 

Why the fuck are you casually undressing in front of him like this, right after telling him off multiple times earlier? Were you teasing him on purpose or are you seriously that much of a fucking bimbo?

He hears your bedroom door creak open and snaps out of it, eagerly following behind you, kicking piles of random things out of his way.

“Does that mean you’d let me if I pay for it?” he asks, trying to play into your joke. His voice trembles, despite him trying to act natural. 

He knows you despise the idea of him forcing himself on you—fucking obviously—and he also hasn’t made any real moves to force you more than he had to.

But this? 

This was utterly unprompted. He wasn’t prepared for this. He didn’t expect this.

Did you not know he wasn’t completely beyond the idea of branding you to him and making you into a trembling mess—his trembling mess—with or without your ‘consent’? Did you forget who he was?

Did you?

Tomura has to even his breaths out and reframe your casual openness as a sign of progress, instead of another opportunity for him to use you. It’s admittedly a really hard thing to do, but you look none the wiser. 

“Depends. Got a million dollars to spare?” You turn and give him a sly smile—one that had his breath get fucking caught in his throat, but it falls when you see his owlish eyes locked-in on your body, making you flustered instead. “If you keep fucking staring at my tits like that, I’ll need a down payment.”

How could he fucking forget? He’s seen them so many times before.

All the times he fucked himself into his fist after he’s gotten his hands on your sex tapes, imagining it was him pounding into you, humiliating you, hurting you, and not your lowlife of an ex. 

But that was… before he learned he liked you.

There’s no lust clouding his red eyes anymore, so he proceeds to ask the question you’ve always dreaded to answer:

“Why—What happened for you to…The scars. Why do you have so many?” he says in a low, gravelly tone and frowns. 

You can’t help but roll your eyes, turning to open the drawer that has your clean towels.

“What about you then?” You grab one, closing the drawer and opening the door to your wardrobe. “Why do you have yours?” 

When you’re done taking the clothes you need, you turn back to face him. He looks tense and doesn’t reply to your question.

You huff. “Figures.”

Shigaraki clicks his tongue in disapproval and hesitantly steps forward, but you immediately put a hand in front of you, creating an invisible border between the two of you. 

“Don’t. We are not doing this right now.”

It works, because he stops dead in his tracks like a deer in headlights, and for once this week, he watches you walk around him without doing anything about it.

“You can shower after me!” you yell from the bathroom, dropping your underwear on the rest of the dirty pile on the floor and making a mental note to move them before he comes in, lest he gets the bright idea of stealing a pair.

But Tomura was glued to where you’d left him for a good while, staring off into the distance.

When you re-enter your room, he’s sprawled on top of your comforter. 

You use the towel in your hands to properly dry your hair, eyeing him suspiciously and hoping that whatever weird vibe was going on earlier would have vanished by now.

Shigaraki opens his eyes and watches you silently as you go about your routine, making you feel weird for thinking that he almost looked content just doing that. 

He’d apparently discarded his black hoodie sometime during your shower, tossing it on the other end of your bed and leaving him in a pair of dark jeans and an ancient Slipknot t-shirt, chest raising and falling, lips slightly parted open.

“Please, tell me you didn’t jerk off on my bed while I was gone,” you break the ice and a lopsided smile finally graces his lips.

“Nah, I think I’d rather have you do that for me instead.” Shigaraki slides up his elbows and continues to observe you. 

“Gross.” You turn around to hide your embarrassment and he shrugs. 

How is he always able to say shit like that so confidently? Is this guy really a virgin? How could he be when this is how he talks to people he wants to fuck. You could never.

Besides… Does he act like this with other girls too? The one at the party? You press your lips into a thin line before dropping the wet towel somewhere on the floor and exit the room.

“Hey, where are you going?” he asks, getting up and ready to follow you, but you’re already back by the time he’s standing.

“Just grabbed my bag, relax.” You walk past him and open your school bag.

“What are you doing?” Shigaraki looks over your shoulder. 

You grab your notes, your laptop and sit at your desk.

“Gonna study.” 

“What? You’ve been studying the entire fucking week!” he complains.

You shake your head. “My exam period starts next week, I can’t slack off.”

“Ugh, fuck you’re boring.”

“News flash. Told you I was busy, but you invited yourself anyway. Now leave me alone.”

And after sulking for exactly thirty seconds, seeing you won’t budge, he does. 

He does, only because he seems to suddenly remember where he is and immediately begins looking around in every corner of your apartment, either talking shit or being amazed at various objects you own.

You don’t have much, but you have a bunch of cool shit you couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of if you tried. Besides, it’s your cool shit and it feels minimally validating for someone with a smidgeon of good taste to acknowledge it, since your best friend found most of it to be nerdy or lame.

“Why’d you lie about not buying stuff when we were at the mall? You literally have an entire fucking collection of these!” he speaks loudly, volume increasing the closer he gets to your room. 

You run a hand over your face at yet another distraction, voice coming out more nasally than usual, “Those were either gifts or exceptions. I don’t throw gifts away.”

“So why couldn’t I make you a gift then?”

“That’s the point. If you did, I probably wouldn’t… nevermind. And aside from that, I don’t feel like fucking owing you anything.”

He frowns at you and mumbles, “...You wouldn’t owe me if I bought you something, though.” But his frown is quickly replaced by a cocky smile. “Besides, if that’s what you care about, you’ve already been owing me for quite a while now. Don’t tell me you forgot?” Shigaraki tilts his head.

“What? What the fuck do I owe you?”

“I paid for your shit at the store, remember? You forgot your wallet.” His smile turns into a shit-eating grin.

You didn’t just forget. You completely wiped it from your memory. 

“Fuck. Hold on,” you say, reaching down into your bag to fish for something.

“What?” Shigaraki’s smile falls, frowning instead. “What are you doing.”

“Fifteen bucks, right?” You pull out a twenty and stretch your hand to him.

He looks at you with sheer disgust. “Fuck off. I don’t take money from the poor.”

You blink at him dumbly. “Then what do you want?”

“Mmm, I’ll think of something,” he replies, turning on his heel and resuming his treasure hunt in your house.

Shigaraki whistles when he finally gets to your underwear drawer, where you store a bunch of small colorful toys. 

It’s worth mentioning that it’s not the sex itself that embarrasses or scares you. You’ve been trained out of it a while ago. Sex is okay. 

It’s the feelings that scare you, meaning you only rolled your eyes at the added distraction when you heard him flip a switch, the distinct noise of your bullet vibrator coming alive with a buzz.

“So, where’s the weird-looking red one you used a few years ago? I don’t see it.” 

He rummages through your drawer and you’re wondering what the fuck he’s talking about again, when it clicks.

“Ugh, are you twelve? When are you letting that go?” You turn in your chair, putting your elbow on top of the back frame and you frown at him. 

Your eyes are starting to feel heavy. Today, much like everyday recently, left you feeling tired and defeated. 

Shigaraki only grins lecherously at your question.

You give him an unimpressed look and turn back to your paper with a deep sigh. 

“Dunno how much you know, or dug up about me—” And if you’re honest, you don’t really want to find out, “—but if you looked hard enough, you’d know that I was pretty much homeless after I turned eighteen, waiting for my scholarship application to go through. Didn’t have more than a suitcase with me, so none of the stuff you’ve seen in the… videos was—well, mine.”

He quirks a brow, letting the items he held drop back into your drawer and obnoxiously leaving it open for you to close later. 

Tomura’s pretty sure this is the first time you’d willingly told him anything personal about yourself. 

Not that he’d ever cared to properly listen before.

You hear him walking a few steps and stopping behind you, wondering what his deal is until he places a pair of slender hands on top of your shoulders and grips them firmly. Not very soft but not quite rough either. 

You’re immediately painfully aware of how intimate this feels, but he opens his mouth and the world rights itself.

“So… how much dick did you suck for a roof over your head back then?” He snorts, thankfully ruining the moment. 

You scoff, because lately it feels like… like you’re getting used to this. Getting used to him and his…  unusual personality. 

For him, a great sign. He’s winning the game, he’s breaking you down. For you? Not so much.

Shigaraki applies pressure on your tense shoulders and starts moving his hands unevenly, kneading his fingers into your stiff muscles until you realize it’s probably meant to be reassuring. 

“It’s alright. If you somehow manage to lose everything again,” he hints, “you could always blow me instead and I’m sure we can figure something—” 

You smack his arm repeatedly, face flushed in shame as he looks down at you and chuckles under his breath.

“God, you’re such a dick!” you yell, feeling hurt and turning away from him to hide it. This topic is especially sore to you because yeah—you really did suck dick to keep a roof over your head.

Sex is fine. Feeling like you have to sell yourself to some asshole in order for you to spend another night away from the cold streets isn’t.

“C’mon, I’m just fucking with you.” He pushes your head down in an attempt to tease annoy you further. “I wouldn’t have it in me to abandon my favorite toy anyway,” he quips but you completely ignore him and he shoots you a questioning glance.

He’s tall enough to tower over you while you sit, leaning into your vision field, white locks of hair falling to the sides of his face. You use your pointing finger to move his big fat forehead out of your way.

“I’m studying.”

“And I’m bored.”

“Go home then.”

He snorts. “Fuck no.” 

“Then it’s not my problem.”

“Oh it will be. You won’t like it if I go and have fun on my own.”

“Shigaraki, I’ve got the first exam in four days. Go entertain yourself like the big boy you are, and let me fucking study for my shit please. I reaaaally don’t wanna have to blow you if I fail and lose my scholarship,” you make a callback to his shitty joke and push his face away with your entire palm until he finally relents.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he says with a creepy lilt in his tone, giving you a foreboding smile before turning around and leaving.

You use your pen to scratch at your temples. “By the way… you’re not seriously planning to stay the night over. Right?”

He looks back at you and his smile only stretches wider.

“Ugh, fine but you’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Hah! You fucking wish.” Shigaraki waves you off, walking out of your bedroom. 

It’s really quiet for the next hour or so. 

Quiet enough for you to get up and investigate. Maybe the gods were kind for once and your apartment would be empty.

When you step into your living room, you freeze.

Click—click. Double click.

It hits you like a truck, driving at full speed. 

You do not have a fucking password, because you do not need a fucking password. Who the fuck would snoop through your PC? Taylor?

“What. The fuck. Are you doing?!”

“Uhh, entertaining myself?” He turns to face you, swiveling in your chair, with his left leg casually resting on top of the seat and his chin resting against his knee. “I was right tho’.” He smiles at you darkly, turning to scroll through the page and cackling maniacally. “Look at aaalll this dirty fucked up shit you’re into!”

Your blood physically drains from your face as you get closer and recognize several instances of your fanfic website being open in a bunch of different tabs.

Tabs containing different works you’ve bookmarked that not a single soul should’ve known about.

Sex is great.

Shigaraki Tomura finding out about your wildest fucked-up fantasies is absolutely criminal.

You’re so fucked.

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[weird-an]

@listen-to-the-inner-walrus I LOVE your tags, your thoughts, and I want to conserve them!

#can you imagine if the duffers had gone this route with s3 instead

#theres just so much interesting potential around it with so much complexity to untangle

#god that sounded pretentious#but honestly i think one of the worst parts of s3 and s4 is thst joyces arcs are either hopper focussed or like fridge magnet focussed

#like i genuinely think her most significant trait being that she is a good mother is actually very good in this specific instance

#and s3 is fucking wild where she hss no ides where her kids are wnd shes in a different fucking state

#but anyway back to the good mother trait thing

#what i mean is like her instinctive behaviour towards el in s1 and 2

#where it is just ''this is a child who needs protection and i am going to protect them''

#and like that being a charscters most significant trait can just be wow you cant write women

#but with joyce ill give the duffers credit that it works because joyce is a poor single mother with an abusive ex husband

#and yeah sometimes shes not hanging on that well

#and those things are often used to say ''oh youre a bad mom'' while joyce is clearly a fantastic fucking mom

#and i think we lose a lot of her in 3 and 4 because we lose the downtrodden mom who said fuck you i can do this

#and the idea of s3 being based around joyce being the only one to notice or care that a kid is being hurt at home

#and this kid being someone who has bad blood with a lot of the members of their ragtag little family

#and joyce not caring because the welfare of that kid comes first

#and the upside down plot could so easily be a metaphor for childhood trauma and abuse

#and you could have this whole thing with the kids and them being split about who is okay with billy being around suddenly

#and like obviously will and el are fine with it and you could have a whole thing where kids like mike suddenly realise oh

#not everyone gets this

#and max obviously should have a major plot in it too because shes also a victim and everything with susan hargrove is just

#theres so much there to get into

#and you could have something like neil winning against joyce in the legal system because the system fucking sucks

#and also fun idea: susan gets possessed or whatever and the whole thing is all this dansge happening sround her that she just doesn't see

#idk theres something there

#ive just realised ive rambled in the tags of your fic for a while now oops djdjsjdj#i apologies for saying it so lste but ahhhh its so good &lt;3

Joyce has been watching him for a while.

The Hargrove kid always comes in with a flood of costumers, stands in line, buys a pack of cigs or bubblegum and smiles at her in a way that's kind of wrong, because it's a smile you would give your girlfriend, but not the cashier at fucking Melvald's.

He's stealing. She's almost certain, but she never managed to catch him in the act and she must admit, it's clever, because with so many costumers it is hard to tell what's missing.

But even the best thief must slip up and today, Billy comes in when it's almost closing time and buys a chocolate bar. His lip is split, but aside from that he's all golden curls and Californian charm.

Joyce has just taken his money, when he groans and holds his side - and something falls out of his jacket. He freezes for a second, before he gives her another angelic smile.

Joyce had expected a lot of stuff under his jacket. Just not a half crushed sandwich, bandaids and a can of soup.

"I knew it," she says, before she can get a hold of herself. "Billy, what is this?"

"I... I can give you the money." Billy stares at her with big blue eyes. He looks so fucking young. He's just a boy. He's in Jonathan's year and he's stealing food. "Please don't call my dad."

She tries to remember if Max ever seemed hungry. "Billy, why-"

"I need one night. Can I give you the money tomorrow?"

He's all serious. His jaw is set. He picks up the can. "I promise."

There is that awful smile again. Why does he need one night? It makes her nauseous.

Joyce shakes her head. She'll pay for it, she just wants him to stop smiling like that.

"It's okay, Billy, it's..."

"You're a gem, Mrs. Byers." He winks at her and leaves the shop with his groceries, before she can say anything. She shouts after him, but he's already gone.

When she drives home that night, she can't stop thinking about Billy eating a cold can of soup and doing... whatever to give her the money tomorrow.

She needs to think of something. She can't let that kid be... out there. He's just a boy.

[snzunii]

LOVE ME THE WAY YOU DID BEFORE [2]

there are so many things that ran haitani could do, but can one of them take him back to you?

+ tags. romance, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, hurt no comfort, bonten executive!reader, explicit sexual content, marital issues, unresolved issues, misogyny, death, neglect, canon-typical violence, crimes and criminals, drugs, smoking, drinking, illegal activities, 18+

+ status. on-going !

+ note. hi here's chapter two hehehe let me know what you think! feedbacks are always appreciated. <3 ily all!! close ur eyes on errors cos didn't proofread shejehs ill edit when im not too lazy 😙

+ series masterlist.

SEVEN YEARS AGO.

“So, you are going to stare at it for how long?”

A giggle escaped from your lips, turning to your boyfriend—no, fiancé beside you. You have been staring at the ring on your finger for God knows how long this day, you should’ve glued your eyes into it if that’s what you’ll do then, Ran thought.

Though, it’s visible in his eyes how glad he is, he wasn’t actually nervous about proposing to you earlier. You have known him since you were twelve, and have been in a long and loving relationship since you were a lovestruck eighteen year old—he has been planning this, imagining this day that he would get down on his knees and propose to you.

If only you could get inside his mind, you’ll see how he planned your future together. Maybe, you’ll tear up a bit—or a lot, it’s melting how Ran’s plans always have you in it. He would never move forward without you by his side. You’re his whole universe, he exists in your boundless galaxy and yours only.

So, no, there’s not a single ounce of worry and doubt in his mind that you’d reject his marriage proposal—that’s how assured you are with one another. That’s how you love each other.

You snuggled a little close to him, pulling the duvet upwards to cover your bare upper body along with his. “Can you blame me? I thought you’d never propose.”

Ran laughed at your ridiculous remark, “Really? You think I would keep up with your sweet ass if I’m not planning to propose? Then what are we doing?”

“I just thought, okay?” you pursed your lip, moving your face a bit close to his, tip of your finger making circles on his chest, “Are we doing a church wedding or a beach? Oh, maybe a garden one. What do you think?”

“Whatever you want, darling. You’re the bride.” he smiled at you before planting a kiss on your forehead. “We’ll have to move to a bigger house though, once we’re married.”

Your forehead creased, “Hm? And why is that? We can just stay here in the penthouse, it’s just the two of us anyway.”

“How about the kids then?” he raised his eyebrow at you, you both certainly can’t build a family in this two bedroom penthouse. It’s part of Ran’s plan that if you both have kids, you’ll move into a bigger house—a cozy and homey one. Yeah, okay—it’s very unusual for him to think about things like that but it’s that kind of thoughts that weirdly excites him.

Despite the bad things that you both have done, you still have pure and wholesome thoughts. That’s his escape from the brutal and unforgiving reality of your job. Being part of the largest criminal organization in the country, thoughts like these keeps him sane. And you by his side, most of all.

“Kids?” you hummed, giving him a cheeky smile. “Would you retract your proposal if I said that I don't want to have kids?”

In your years together, the topic about having children was always passed on as a joke. You never talked about it in a serious way—and maybe, you should talk about it now. Of course, Ran was a bit surprised but considering your past, he and Rindou picked you up in the streets of Roppongi when you were twelve when you had just escaped from the foster family that took you in. You were walking around; a little child, so helpless. It would be understandable that you didn’t want to have kids considering what you have gone through.

But it’s different now, right? You’re there and he’s there… both of you would never abandon your children like that.

“Of course I won’t.” he said, you're all he needs—you and him, that already makes a whole and loving family. He wouldn’t force it if you didn’t want to but it wouldn’t be that bad to think about it, right? “But just think about it, okay? Just imagine little me and you running around the big house.”

It makes your heart happy how dreamy Ran looks while thinking about it, but the idea didn’t excite you as much as he did.

You’re afraid, there is no doubt in that. You grew up without any parental figure by your side—there’s a big dilemma about you being a mother. How could you even be a good mother if you didn’t get to experience being taken care of by your own mother?

You were bounced off to different foster families that treated you nothing but shit. Ran and Rindou were the only family where you felt loved, safe and welcomed.

You don’t even know who or where they are. In your twenty six years of existence on this very earth, you had never met any of your real parents. Moreover, you’re living a treacherous life—you live in the unlawful side of this world. You didn’t want to drag your child into this life where their parents have to look over their shoulders for their whole existence.

You worry for your life and Ran’s enough, you don’t want a little child to add to that.

But you didn’t want to shut down your lover’s dreams and hopes, “Fine. I will think about it, okay? You happy now, Haitani?”

His lips curved into a wide smile and bombarded your face with small kisses, “That’s all I’m asking for.”

“Yeah.” you giggled once his kisses went down on your neck, his figure towering over you as he went above you. “Ran—wait! Oh my god, I said I’ll think about it, not make the baby right now.”

He laughed, pulling the blanket down from covering your body. “Think about it while I’m fucking you, hm?”

“M’kay.” you pulled his nape, pressing your lips into his. “Mhm— love you, Ran. ‘M so in love with you...”

He hummed, sucking and biting on your soft lips—pushing his cock on your gaping hole before answering you—eliciting soft gasps out of you, you were gripping on his hair as you took his overwhelming girth, “Fuck—I’m so in love with you too, my one and only.”

PRESENT.

“So, you got a good fuck yesterday, huh?”

“You know what, Haruchiyo? Fuck you.” you rolled your eyes, and after giving Bonten’s number two a view of your middle finger, you looked out the car window. You knew it, he would pester you about that thing yesterday that never should’ve happened. “And that will never happen again. I swear.”

“Oh, really?” he snorted, taunting you with a laugh as he focused on driving, “Ran! Harder—”

You cut Sanzu off by giving him a little hard punch on the shoulder, which he responded with a childish whine, if you were others then maybe you would have a gun pointing on your head now but over the divorce, Sanzu was one of the people who were by your side when you were astray, which you never expected. “Oh my god. Will you stop? Just fucking stop or I will fucking kick your balls, you shit.”

But of course, it never fazed him and continued on mocking your embarrassing moans yesterday. “I hate you. I fucking hate you.”

“No drugs for you, then.” he said with a huff which earned an eye roll from you, you should start a counter for your eye rolls because you just know that this isn’t the last of them. You’re paired with Sanzu on this job, believe you, there’s more of that today.

“I can get one from our dens, you know? You’re not my only supplier.”

“Whatever.” he answered, you didn’t have any time to reply since you arrived at the location. Today’s job is just a simple one, retrieve the suitcase and you’re done.

You’re currently at the largest hotel and casino in the country, which is owned by Bonten. Though, no one knows about that. You executives are not dim-witted fools to expose that you’re running this big time gambling establishment, that would just give the Intelligence Agencies the chance to dig dirt about your group. You have come a long way just to be caught.

The only people who knew were the executives and of course, Bonten’s frontman for this establishment. “You want to bet on blackjack?”

You stopped walking and looked at the cerise-haired idiot in front of you and walked towards him a little closer since no one should hear what you’re about to say, “Idiot, we know that the game is rigged. Why would you want to bet on that? Are you even thinking, Sanzu?”

“Fuck, I forgot.” he gave you a menacing grin. You took a deep breath, please give me the strength to overcome this day.

How could he even forget when that’s exactly your job? You just groaned in disbelief and continued on walking to the elevator that will lead you to the office upstairs.

“Takumi.” Sanzu called the man in a suit, “Looking good, huh?”

The said man immediately stood up from his comfortable swivel chair and bowed to the two of you, “Mr. Sanzu, Mrs. Haitani.”

Oh my god. Of course, you didn’t escape the subtle yet annoying laugh of the man beside you that led you to pinching his waist. “Haruchiyo.”

He winced in pain and frowned at you, “What?”

“Is there any problem?” Takumi asked, you sighed and shook your head anyway. Takumi took that as a signal to proceed, “I got all the files in the suitcase here. Including the highest bidders for this month and the watch list.”

“Alright.” Sanzu said, getting the suitcase from Takumi. “Is there anything else you want to say?”

“In fact, there is. Please take a seat.” you and Sanzu took a seat on the chair in front of his desk and looked at the monitor once he moved it to face your direction. “Our surveillance camera has picked this car up, loitering around the casino for about a few weeks now.”

“Hmm.” you hummed, raising your eyebrow as you try to figure out who this person might be but you know you really can't by just looking at it, though, this car is awfully familiar to you. “Send the plate number at the Headquarters. We’ll send in more men to oversee this place and investigate. Contact Sanzu if this causes some big problems.”

If this is some agent from the Intelligence Agency then you’d be screwed, big time. But you wouldn’t take some actions as of now, nobody still knows that Bonten owns this casino.

…

“What do you need?” you asked without even sparing him a single glance, which pisses him off because there’s this prick in his chest from the way that you’re treating him. As if the nineteen years together didn’t mean shit to you.

“Mikey called for a meeting. Big mission next week. All the executives are attending.” he simply said, waiting for you to look at him but all you did was nod and stare at your monitor. Why do you act this way?

Why did you even kiss him and had sex with him if you’re going to act like yesterday didn’t mean anything? He knows you, he can feel it. How you looked at him, how you touched him with your soft fingers, how you clinged on to him as if you never want to let go of him ever again.

That’s what you felt yesterday, right? No matter how Ran tells himself that yesterday shouldn't have happened—just like what you said, he can’t help but feel that what went on between you was just right. It was meant to happen.

Did he hurt you too much that you closed all the doors and windows for you and him? Is there no single chance of you two getting back together?

You noticed that Ran was just standing there, looking at you as if he wanted to say something but can’t even begin to open his mouth. You cleared your throat, still focusing on the screen in front of you. “I’ll be there, I just need to-”

“You can't even fucking look at me.” he hissed, he slammed his hand on your desk causing you to jump a bit, “Look at me.”

You know you’ll burst into tears if you look at him—even if it’s just for a second. How can you even bear to look at the person who you claimed to love with all your heart and soul and then wreck him into utter pieces?

“Please.” The desolation was completely visible in his voice—how could you bring yourself to look at him if hearing him plead to you hurts this much? What more if you saw his face? “Let’s just talk about us.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

It didn't matter if you come off as some cold hearted bitch or whatever it is. You would never come close to Ran again—you would never hurt him the way you did before.

Even if it destroys you.

For him, you’re like the incandescent light that beautifully shines in the night sky, he can see and admire your beauty—yet he can’t be close to you.

“Really? Nothing?” he chuckled bitterly, “Fuck’s sake. You always do this! You always close yourself off, how can we even fix this if you don't tell me what’s fucking wrong!”

“I’m what’s wrong, Ran! Just fuck off!” you screamed, finally looking at him with tears threatening to fall from your eyes. “You want to know what’s wrong? It’s me and what shit goes on inside this head so, just… I can’t do this right now.”

You took a deep breath and walked towards the door, you passed by Ran and was about to open the door when he spoke once again. “We were happy, right?”

Were.

Until you weren't, until you fell into a deep, dark pit that made you lose your mind—that made you feel like you’re the most horrible person in the world for hurting someone who gave their all to you.

Ran was right for blaming you. That’s what you keep telling yourself because if you were him, you would do the same.

“We were.”

“We can be, again, if you just talked to me.” you feel his presence behind you, his arms slowly wrapping around your waist. “Just talk to me, yeah?”

You closed your eyes while you let yourself indulge in this moment, while he’s pulling you close to him, holding you in his arms. It feels like home. Because he is, he is the warmth and safety that you had all these years.

You wanted to just curl up to him and let all your feelings out but you cannot do that without hurting him.

TWO YEARS AGO.

“Rin. Pull over. Now.”

The younger Haitani looked at you with a frown but still, did what you asked. You immediately opened the car door and threw up on the sidewalk.

Rindou was definitely taken aback but he tapped your back nevertheless. “You okay?”

You groaned, the ick was visible on your face as you reached for the tissue on Rindou’s car. “No, shit. Must be what we ate earlier.”

“Or you’re pregnant.” he jokingly said, you closed the car door and looked at him with a frown. He started the engine again and drove, but glanced at you when he felt your piercing stare as if you're going to choke the life out of him. “What?”

“Don't even joke about that.”

Rindou snickered, “Is that so bad? You’re married to my brother for five years and still have no baby.”

Is that so bad?

Is that so bad that you don't want to bear Ran’s child? Not that you don't love him, oh god, you love him with all that you are. You would kill for that man, literally. You even said the night that he proposed to you, that you’d think about it.

But the more that you think about it, the more it scares you. Being married to Ran for five years is enough for you.

Ran is enough for you. You two are happy even without a little child, so really, how can a child make a difference? Sure, you fight but that’s part of every relationship, you feel content with each other.

Is that so bad that you wanted to pour all your love and attention to Ran and him only?

It isn't, right?

But the thing that Rindou said, about you being pregnant just can't leave your mind. You need to know or else you’ll keep on thinking about it. “You’re a shit, Rindou. Take me to a—”

“Hospital?”

You glared at him again earning a laugh from him, “No! Drugstore.”

Rindou mumbled an okay before changing the route, it’s good that you finished the task today and you're free to go wherever you want. And since you're free to go wherever and Rindou being the little shit that he is, he brought you to a hospital.

“What the fuck, I said—nevermind.” you groaned and got out of his car, slamming the door on him. Now that you think about it, you’re late for about a month now, you just thought that it’s because of the pills that you're taking.

And your job is too hectic to keep track, these past few weeks alone were a hassle. You don't even know if you’re able to take your pills—how dumb am I, really?

“You want me to call Ran?” Rindou asked once he caught up to you. You immediately shook your head. But why did he even ask you when he already texted him. “I texted him though.”

“Then why did you even ask me?!”

“To annoy you, I guess.”

…

“They called yet?”

Ran asked you for what you think is the tenth time today. After he rushed into the hospital a few days ago thinking that something happened to you after Rindou just texted him these exact words ‘your wife. hospital.’

He thought you were injured or something, so he went to that hospital in a rush praying to the deities that you’re safe, he wouldn't even forgive himself if something happened to you since he’s not with you.

Relief washed over him when he saw you sitting outside the doctor’s office sitting with his brother. You can never forget how excited he looked once he knew what you’re there for.

Just like now, you see how eager he is to know what the result is. “Can you just take this pregnancy test?”

“No.” you mumbled, continuing to read the cosmopolitan magazine with your legs crossed as you sat on the couch. “We would know the results in a few, can you wait?”

Ran sighed and sat beside you, “Aren't you excited?”

“I am.” you answered, still reading some article that you don't really care about just to avoid your husband.

“You don't look and sound like it.” he got the magazine from your hands and placed it on the center table, “Look at me.”

You can lie all you want but Ran knows you, you’re his wife. His other half, the woman he wakes up to every day in his life, you’re the last person he sees before he closes his eyes—so, you can tell every lie but he can feel you. “What?”

“We’re ready, right? You know, no matter what happens I’ll be there for you—for our baby…”

He was cut off when your phone rings, you both know what that means. The moment that you pick up the phone you’ll know whether there’s a life growing inside you or not.

Ran was about to pick the phone up when you held his wrist. It suddenly hit you, damn right, you aren't excited. You were horrified, when he picked that phone up, you’ll know if you're going to be a mother. Nothing scares you more than that—besides losing Ran.

“What?” he asked you, “It will be okay. Do you trust me?”

But what are you scared of? Ran’s there, he would be, every step of the way. “I do.”

“Let me answer this. No matter what the result is, I love you. Alright?”

The moment that you removed your hand, Ran immediately stood up and picked the phone while you were just sitting there—trying to figure out the look on your husband's face while he received the news.

“Thank you.” he said before hanging up, he turned to you and not long, you were in his arms as he spun you around with that gleeful look on his face. You can’t help but laugh as you look at his face screaming the words… “I’m going to be a father!”

You thought you didn't want any of this but just looking how happy your husband is, makes you excited. The horrified feeling was still there but it was immersed in this euphoric feeling, “Put me down, Ran!”

You never know you wanted it until it was handed to you.

There’s a life growing inside of you. It’s scary, it really is, but you can do it with your loving husband beside you.

“I love you.” he said as soon as he put you down, kissing your forehead before squatting down to your belly, “...and I love you too, little one.”

Maybe I can do this. We can do this, right, Ran?

...

“Stop.” you whispered, trying to extricate yourself out of his arms, “Just stop, Ran. Let me go.”

“I don't want to.” he whispered, the crack in his voice didn't escape you—you felt like the strings inside your fragile heart were snapping one by one.

“Let me go.” you emphasized every word, you were just desperate to get out of there because you don't know if you can take it any longer. You wanted him to let go of you but the moment he did, it felt like your world crumbled. Yet, you turned to him with an indifferent look in your face, “Don’t do this ever again. We’re done.”

You both walked towards the conference room with a heavy heart, you never looked back at Ran who’s just staring at you longingly—you both entered the room and all the executives were there except for the two of you.

“You sure took your time-”

“Not now, Haruchiyo.” you said once you sat beside him, he just shrugged his shoulders.

The executives turned to Mikey once he cleared his throat and simply placed a photograph on the table.

“Kaoru Nomura.” he started, “You know him, right?”

Know him? He’s the leader of the second biggest crime organization in the country. Just simply saying that you know him would be an understatement, just how many times did Bonten have a problem with this guy?

Too many to even count. “We’ll take him down. Saturday night at Daiki’s party.”

“Are you serious?” Kakucho asked, “By taking him down, you mean kill him?”

Mikey hummed, leaning on his chair as he looked at Kakucho with his dull eyes, “That’s what I said.”

Manjiro didn't need to say any reason. Once he ordered, you would comply—most especially Sanzu. You just know this job would be a big one, all of you would be there.

When did all of you do a job this big? You exactly know when, two years ago. This is definitely a big job, Nomura’s group is almost as big as Bonten’s. He has executives just like yours, it would be impossible if his executives wouldn't do shit about it.

You were staring at Mikey the whole time he was explaining but your mind on the man who's staring at you right at this moment.

Ran can’t even take his eyes off you, not minding that his leader was instructing important details about this job. He just can't leave you at that, he wanted to do everything to take you back but how?

When you’re so set on not talking to him. You can act all that but it wouldn't faze him, you're the only woman he ever loved. Hell, he might even die in this job and he can't let that happen without fixing things with you.

He’ll only die with you in his arms, his life would only end with you growing old together and shits you both said before.

He will get you back. No matter what it takes. Even if he had to fall down on his knees, even if had to go to the ends of earth just to be with you. Because you know what makes him lose himself? It’s without you by his side.

[reidgraygubler]

Spoonful of Sugar (spencer reid/reader)

Title: spoonful of sugar

Request: yes! (a super fluffy spence x reader one shot in which she's sick with the flu, a high fever or something similiar, so he has to take care of her. Usually i'm not that super whiny and wouldn't request things like that buuut i'm in a desperate need for spence to take care of me while i'm ill and home alone.)

Couple: Spencer Reid/gen-neutral!reader

Category: fluff

Content Warning: spencer’s pov, anxiety about an ill partner, none that I can think of. If something does need to be tagged, please message me

Word Count: 1,638

Summary: Spencer stays home from work to take care of his partner, who’s sick with the flu

A/N: sorry this took so long to get posted. i forgot I had it written and it was just sitting in my drafts. it is a little on the shorter side... thank you all so much for the support! i really do appreciate it. check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

The person who usually slept beside me did not sleep last night. I only know that because whenever they tossed and turned, it’d wake me up. But also, they kept stealing all the blankets from me. Whenever I tried to take them back, they’d wake up and steal them again. Or they’d be suddenly up in a coughing fit. And then, they finally fell asleep around the time I had to get out of bed for work. Leaving me with another restless night of sleep. I was used to it at this point, but not because of them.

When I left the bedroom, I made sure to be as quiet as possible. I didn’t want to be the reason why they woke up for the day. Clearly something was on their mind and keeping them up. I also made sure they had all of the blankets on their body. While I did that, I sneakily rested my hand on their forehead, and the back of their neck, just to check their temperature.

They were on fire. I’d never felt someone as hot as that in a very long time. It would explain why they got no sleep and kept waking up, and stealing the blankets. They’d need to get medicine and fluids in them, and quickly. But I’ll do that when I’m finished getting ready. They just fell asleep and I’d rather them sleep off their fever.

So that’s what I did. I quickly got ready for work, doing all the necessary things I had to do. I wanted to make sure my person had everything they needed before I left for work.

Which meant a quick stop at the market down the street. The market had their favorite soup, juice, and snacks. If I was going to go into work today, I needed to make sure they had everything they needed before I left for the day. And if they wanted me to stay, I’d do that for them.

“Hey Emily, I’m going to be late to the office today,” I said into my phone as I grabbed a basket. The store had several people, just enough for me to be cautious of where I was going. And it pressured me to be even quicker inside.

“Oh! Of course! Is everything okay?” Emily asked, the concern in her tone sounding genuine. I sighed before nodding.

“Yeah, just... Just need to take care of someone who’s sick,” I explained as I grabbed a bottle of orange juice.

“Take all the time you need! We got everything covered here.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Of course, call me if you need anything!” She proclaimed before bidding farewell. I sighed deeply before pocketing my phone and headed towards the deli to get some soup. They always gave me chicken noodle, with the good thick egg noodles. Since they also enjoyed White Chicken Chill, I got that for them, too. Anything to make them feel better sooner.

Once I got both soups, enough juice for a small household, and plenty of healthy snacks, I made the trek back home. Whether they enjoyed the things I got them or not, I knew they’d enjoy the thought. Because that’s all that matters, right? The thought?

When I got home, I prepared the chicken noodle in a bowl, and grabbed a bottle of juice with electrolytes, and brought it to the bedroom. They were still asleep, however slightly stirring. Instead of just leaving right away, I waited a moment for them to wake up.

“My head is pounding,” they groaned as they brought a hand to rest on their forehead. “Like I drank a fifth of whiskey,” they added. I held back my chuckle and sat on the edge of the bed.

“You’re hot.”

“Thanks so are you,” they blew me a kiss. I rolled my eyes before shaking my head.

“You have a fever, Dear,” I corrected as I handed them the bottle of juice. “I got you soup, juice, and healthy snacks.”

“You’re too kind, Spencer,” they hummed as they struggled to open the bottle. I watched as they sighed and handed the bottle over to me. I smiled as I cracked the bottle open.

“I have to go in, but if you want me to stay I can.” I handed the bottle back to them. They smiled brightly before taking a big sip of the juice.

“No, no, you’re the breadmaker here. You’d be no use to me here.”

“I can help you,” I breathed out a laugh. They lazily smiled before shrugging. “I’m gonna get you medicine.”

“If you don’t come back with Day and Nyquil, don’t come back at all,” they teased. I laughed as I looked back at them.

“Eat your soup, I’m getting you medicine,” I repeated as I pointed at the bowl of chicken noodle on the nightstand. They glared at me before picking up the bowl. I was quick, grabbing the medicine they asked for and a bottle of Aleve.

“Do you need anything else?” I looked down at them as I placed the bottles on the nightstand. They shook their head as they looked back at me, watching as I sat back down beside them.

“I’m all good here.”

“I can stay if you need me to,” I whispered as I looked over at them. They looked away from the bowl of soup with wide eyes. “Surely Emily won’t care. Family first.”

“As much as I’d love for you to stay, Spence, they need you just as badly there,” my person slurred their words. I could only imagine just how congested their sinuses and how blocked their nasal passages were. Which would only cause a migraine. “Besides, I don’t want to get you sick. You’re a baby when you’re sick.” They smirked at me.

“Am not!” I exclaimed as I looked at them. They shrugged before rubbing the underside of their nose. Should have grabbed them tissues while I was at the store. “Seriously, I’ll stay.”

“Seriously, go to work.”

“If I didn’t know any better it sounds to me like you’re trying to get rid of me.”

“I am,” they mumbled as they blew softly onto their spoonful of soup. I rolled my eyes before standing up off the bed.

“Okay, okay, I’ll go.” I lifted my hands as a sign of surrender. They looked up at me with a soft smile. “Good to know you can get rid of me so easily.”

“I’ll call you if I need anything.” They placed the soup back on the nightstand before shifting down the bed.

“And I’ll let Emily know I’ll be on desk duty.”

“Spencer,” they warned.

“I’m going! I’m going! Gone! See! Gone!”

“Love you!”

“Love you, too!”

I should have stayed home.

{***}{***}{***}

Okay, maybe Spencer should have stayed home because… I really miss him. I thought I’d be fine if he went in, and I’d get by… But I really want him. God I’m never whiny and asking for things, and the only thing I want… I sent it away.

I could call him… He’d drop everything and come right over. But… He should work. There is a reason why I sent him to work. That was where he was most needed. What if I was wrong though? What if he was most needed here, with me? No, no he’s the brain of the BAU.

But it’d be really nice if he stayed home with me.

Yeah, I made a mistake sending him to work. I’ve never felt so clingy in my entire life. Damn my stupid clinginess.

Did he know I was thinking about him? I must’ve, because he was calling me. Probably just checking in on me. I could ask him to come home. Unless he’s in the middle of helping a case and can’t come home.

“How are you feeling?” Yep, just calling to see how I was doing. It was probably a good thing that he was calling me. He probably just knew I wasn’t feeling any better.

“Could be better,” I paused as I looked over at his side of the bed. It was made but a little tousled around because of my sleeping. “Kinda wish you stayed here,” I whispered, mostly to myself.

“Already on the way home,” he stated like it was no big deal.

“Really?” I asked, feeling a little bit of excitement in my tone. Surely it just sounded like I was stuffy to Spencer. He laughed.

“Finished early. And… Emily noticed I was too distracted thinking about you. I’m about halfway there, do you need anything?”

“You… To get here quickly and give me all the cuddles in the world,” I dramatically sighed as I curled in on my side. “But… Safely!” I quickly added.

“I will be there soon, Dear,” Spencer mused before chuckling lightly. “Do you need anything?”

“No, I should be okay.”

“I’ll be home soon."

“Okay, bye,” I whispered before hanging up. I tossed my phone into the empty space beside me before curling back onto my side. Now that I knew Spencer would be home any minute, maybe I could sleep. Or maybe I should stay awake and wait for him.

Whatever, it didn’t matter. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, Spencer was crawling into bed beside me and I was slowly waking up.

“Shh, go back to sleep,” he whispered as he pulled the blanket back over me. Although it felt like I was on fire, the blanket felt safe over me. Or maybe that was Spencer’s arms wrapped around me that made me feel safe.

“No, no,” I mumbled as I moved as close as possible to him. Spencer laughed lightly before pressing his lips to my forehead. “Don’t leave me again,” I whispered into his chest.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

{***}{***}{***}

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