#god knows i write random shit for comedic value

[deepfriedtrout]

On my knees begging for someone to make a modern au about the adepti gang alive and well and happy.

[fedoraspooky]

Okay Spooky, if you don't mind random questions- what's your favourite Disney movie?

Oh I don't mind at all! I'm actually quite tickled to get one out of the blue like this. nwn

But yes! Answer! Uh, well... Honestly a lot of the ones in the 80s and 90s hold a bit of sentimental value to me due to the fact that my dad worked on them. I would always leave the tape running through the credits until I spotted his name. ;w; In fact, on the DvD for Treasure Planet, if you go to the special features you can actually see him in the making of featurette, where they're asking him about how he sculpted the cyborg parts for John Silver! But, er, yes- favorites!

I would say, it's kind of a toss up between two-

I LOVE The Great Mouse Detective. It encapsulates a lot of stuff I like about that era of Disney, and I do enjoy me a good detective story. The animation is smooth and full of character, and has that rough-lined charm of the xerox era, and the backgrounds? Absolutely gorgeous. The story is fun and full of great comedic moments and also moments that downright terrified me as a kid (That Fidget jumpscare and everything leading up to it still gives me the heebie jeebies). But most of all, I love the characters and the dynamics between all of them, especially whatever Basil and Ratigan have going on. Dear lord. Really not surprising this movie ended up being part of my big list of inspos when writing Kilroy. XD

Second movie- and I know some people don't count it as Disney but to hell with it, it was in kingdom hearts so it darn well counts in my book- The Nightmare Before Christmas. GOD, this movie. When it first came out, I couldn't make it past the opening song because I was scared of the clown with the tearaway face. I shit you not. BUT once I was past that, it quickly became an obsession in my little kid mind. My mom actually showed me a PHOTO she has of me from when I was still in my single digits of age, in which apparently I had taken a black permanent marker to my face to draw rings around my eyes and lines on my mouth so I could look like Jack Skellington. My mom still has it framed in her living room to this day. XD But yes, I sang all the songs, I drew Jack and Sally and Zero all over whatever paper I could get my hands on, and I even made a christmas ornament of Jack's head out of sculpey that we put on the tree every year since. It was probably a huge reason that I became such a huge Halloween and spooky-things lover. And even to this day, it resonates a LOT with me as a movie about someone who is just experiencing the WORST artistic burnout. That's really what this movie is about, I've written a whole-ass essay of a post once rambling about Jack's Lament as a song because of the feels it gave me (i tried to find it but idk if i deleted it during a scare of tumblr copyright striking blogs for music a long while back or if tumblr's blog search function is just poop, either is possible).

Anyway I've talked your ear off long enough, my apologies for the long post but sadly that is what happens when you get me talking about stuff I like. <XD ; Every time I say I won't, but then I become this:

[capn-schmazz]

the lair of the white worm (1988)

hey, don’t watch watch The Lair of the White Worm (1988). don’t do it. 

I watched it yesterday and yeah...don’t watch it. I watched it for the reason that probably a lot of other people will watch it: to see a young Peter Capaldi link arms with a younger Hugh Grant and slash demon-snake-worms in half with swords. There’s only one scene like that in the movie and it’s really not worth watching the whole thing to get to it....although Hugh Grant does fall into this random drum set afterwards in really dramatic slow motion. To be honest that’s probably my favorite moment in the entire movie, not that there’s many to choose from. 

The whole thing seems pretty male fantasy in a really weird this-director-def-had-some-strange-sex-kinks way. As well as the writing being incredibly questionable, the directing is a nightmare, and not in a horror movie way. There’s a roughly minute long follow shot of Peter Capaldi playing bagpipes and wandering around a mansion after killing a demon-snake-police-officer by shoving his eye socket through a snake spike thing. I don’t know why, but it’s there. It’s terribly placed, screws with the pace of the movie, and it’s also just way too long. 

Oh yeah, one other little pet peeve I had about basic filmmaking: none of the characters really have any reaction to anything that goes on. When one of them does have a reaction (only the women have real reactions), it’s ridiculously overacted to the point of being comical. The boys don’t have any reaction to anything. Hugh Grant finds his dead butler? No expression. 

The main villain is Lady...Sylvia? I have no idea I was too distracted by her naked basket sleeping to remember her regular human name.

That’s her by the way, being coaxed out of her...basket...by Hugh Grant who is blasting his late father’s Turkish snake charmer music from his mansion’s outdoor sound system. 

Anyway, apparently she’s this immortal servant to some sort of god who is this White Worm. She spends most of the movie in either lingerie, naked with blue paint, or wearing her...ornate wooden dildo-esque sacrificial weapon she straps to her crotch. 

Why? fucking search me. 

There’s four main heroes: James (Hugh Grant) who is the Lord of some manor and whose family slew a big white worm that was terrorizing the land at some point, Angus (Peter Capaldi) who is a Scottish archaeology lad who digs up the skull of said big white worm. Then there’s their female companions: Eve and someone whose acting was so bad I forgot her name. 

There was a lot in this movie that didn’t make any sense. Until I was absolutely horrified by the weird worm/snake shit, I was completely lost and never knew what was going on because nothing was introduced or explained. Peter Capaldi sitting on the stairs injecting himself with something? What is he injecting himself with? Nobody knows because we only find out thirty minutes later he somehow took a sample of the poison and sent it to a lab and then received an antidote all while simultaneously being on screen for the entire movie. Unless he has a body double, there is no way that happened. Anyway, that’s not very important as it turns out the antidote is actually arthritis medicine so it doesn’t work. 

There’s this point in the second act where Peter Capaldi’s character and his semi-girlfriend (who he kissed a couple seconds after she told him her boyfriend committed suicide) are in the mansion of the Lady-snake-servant, there’s a jump scare where Sammi’s (thats the semi-girlfriend, i just looked it up) mother wakes up as a snake-demon-vampire-thing and attacks her. she gets bitten on the neck, her mother runs away to Hugh Grant’s Turkish snake music (remember from earlier?), and Peter Capaldi sucks the poison out of her neck to save her. It makes him look pretty vampire-esque and when he comes off her his cheeks are full of venom and he grabs a glass and spits and entire mouthful of green venom into it. it fills nearly half the damn glass. completely unrealistic unless Peter Capal--sorry, I mean, Angus’s mouth is a fucking vacuum nozzle. ...not that we were expecting realism from this movie...

I mean who knows? If he has a body double to go get the antidote, who’s to say he doesn’t have a vacuum mouth? I’m nitpicking, I know. 

Funny enough, Angus is the one who actually saves everyone. He pulls a convenient grenade from his kilt’s little pouch and chucks it down the worm-monster’s throat, blowing it up. Where did he get the grenade? I have no idea but he’s an archaeology student so maybe there’s a deleted scene of him digging one up in the back garden from an abandoned world war 2 gravesite. As usual, Angus has the power of convenience and unexplained problem-solving objects. 

There’s a lot more to this movie and honestly if you want to know about it I’m sure there’s a synopsis somewhere, but don’t bother watching it. It’s not so bad it’s good, it’s just so bad it’s a nightmarish fever dream of a movie that you think you’ll never wake up from. You’ll think it’s going to get better but it never does. 

And if you have seen this movie, and you enjoyed it, let me just ask you one honest to god question: Why? I’m genuinely asking, not out of judgement, but out of pure scientific curiosity. 

That said, I might consider spending a weekend recutting the movie so it’s even more out of context than it is and put it up on youtube for comedic value. That’s the only way to enjoy it I think: just completely out of context. 

so I’ll leave you with the lads, the reason most people would probably click on this movie in the first place: 

an alternative title for this movie? The Lair of the Naked Blue Vampire-Snake Woman and her Sacrificial Dagger-Dildo. 

bit wordy, i know. 

sounds like a malcolm tucker quote. he knows the marzipan dildos are useless because he’s seen what a pointy wood one can do. 

i’ll stop. 

[lucifers-horror-harem]

You said in the tags you like “Freddy’s Dead: the Final Nightmare” most of the fandom seems to hate it so could you talk about why you like it?

OKAY ANON U ASKED FOR IT AND IMMA GIVE IT TO YOU

Honestly? I’m someone who enjoys movies that aren’t perfect, movies that are so bad that they’re good, or movies that are simply enjoyable for their entertainment value. Freddy’s Dead certainly isn’t on the level of the original in regards to being a really solid and well-crafted film. But I find it has great entertainment value as well as having some really great moments that are often overlooked because of the hate for the movie.

Now a lot of people go back and forth about how giving Freddy more of a backstory and revealing having a daughter ruins his character but honestly? It adds another interesting layer to his character for me, especially because Maggie Boroughs is a really strong character and works as a good foil against her father. Is it a weak element to add to his backstory overall? Maybe, but I enjoy it so it doesn’t really bother me. Maggie keeps my interest and is a really great final girl, and the fight between her and Freddy at the end is always one of my faves.

Also, can we talk about how the film that is probably the most comedic overall in the series, (basically Freddy meets Looney Tunes), it has one of the darkest moments of the entire series, in my opinion? When Tracy is finally subjected to Freddy’s torment, we get this really gross, dingy, horrifyingly brutal setting as well as paints the sexual abuse she received at the hands of her father early in life. And how she overcomes her own nightmare by beating her father to death with the tea kettle and then screaming, finally doing to him what she’s always wished she could have done, almost a catharsis through her dream. Legit she’s one of my fave characters and it’s a scene that always affects me when I rewatch.

In defense of the humor, can I just say that while I know humor is subjective, I just find this movie fucking hilarious? So many dumb jokes, Freddy’s very dark humor, random cameos by Roseanne and Tom Arnold and Alice Cooper as Freddy’s stepfather (which is PERFECT by the way i love my man alice), plus Johhny Depp getting smacked by Freddy with the frying pan. THE MAP SAYS WE’RE FUCKED! And of course the fUCKING POWERGLOVE!!!

Side note, while everyone is allowed to like or dislike this movie for any reason, I find myself getting defensive when I hear people trash talk Rachel Talalay or anything like that. I used to be a part of a Freddy fanpage on facebook that was so popular that even the actors were a part of the group and sometimes interacted, and the number of fucking dudebros that were like RACHEL TALALAY RUINED THE FREDDY FRANCHISE (this was before the remake came out btw). And that pissed me off because for one films are a collaborative effort, and two because of COURSE people dogpile on one of the few female-directed horror films at the time and acting like she had no reason to direct the film. Rachel Talalay has so many credits to her name and tons of experience, not to mention she was with the nightmare franchise SINCE THE BEGINNING and made her way up the ladder until she became a fucking director like New Line Cinema was a studio that gave a shit about their people and tried to foster that creativity. So yeah all in all I get mad when people sum up Freddy’s Dead critiques to simply being potshots at Rachel Talalay. I won’t fuck with that sort of bs.

God I could go on forever about Freddy’s Dead, like legit I would have a ball writing an article or something lengthy about the entire thing, but yeah these are some of my major reasons for enjoying the movie. Seriously, it’s one that I can put on and know it will make me smile. Thanks for letting me ramble on about this!

[slothcritic]

Dragon Ball Z Abridged - Episode 5 Review

Weird yet creative cutaways with strong overarching momentum.

Vegeta: Kills Bugs Dead opens with Goku finally reaching the end of Snake Way and the end of his journey to reach King Kai. The "nice job, jackass" as Goku literally craters into the planet sets the tone for this character in a big way. We're also treated to the incredible hijinks of Vegeta and Nappa.

[Title Sequence]

The pit-stop at Arlia at least receives a well-fitted and rather hilarious incarnation in this series. Even though the episode alternates its focus between King Kai and Arlia, I'm going to talk at length about Arlia first, and then move onto the King Kai segments.

I'm already going into this scene with some personal bias, as the "stronger guy playing along with the weaker guy because it'd be funny" trope is one of my favorites. And here we have exactly this. Vegeta and Nappa allow themselves to be captured and thrown in jail by the Arlians, where they meet an assortment of varied bug characters.

"Don't drop the soap" seems a little outdated for the modern style of TFS, as I feel they've leaned away from really older, cruder, less PC subject matters like calling someone retarded or insinuating prison rape, etc, but it fits Nappa's character completely as someone who is childish, crass, annoying for the sake of being annoying, and kind of a jerk. TFS has at least acknowledged the idea of possibly re-dubbing Season 1 with better equipment and perhaps a more refined script, and I dearly hope they keep this line unedited simply for the sake of nailing Nappa’s character identity.

After very nearly becoming a prison bitch, Vegeta decides he's had enough and promptly kabooms his way out of prison, landing smack-dab in the middle of a coliseum with the king of Arlia and his queen.

Nappa's blunt manner of introducing himself with simply "Hi." will never age.

It’s noteworthy that scene is also the first moment we get a good look at Vegeta as a character. Nappa was firmly established as the goofball from the start, but Vegeta's portrayal has more depth to it than could be conveyed in one-liners. Most of which is just sass, smug pride, and anger, but still.

It's also made clear very quickly that despite their bantering idiocy and gruff talk that they're not just for show, as Nappa no-diff's the thirteen elite Arlian guards with a massive shock wave that we later see level a city.

The king and queen are then more or less blackmailed into fucking. Nappa's eager fascination during this whole scene, the descriptions, visual edits and sound design are... Well, there's no other way to put it, it's fucked up. And it is hilarious! These are some very creative takes and decisions that were made entirely for internal experience of the show itself rather than as a parody of something else. Nappa even takes a photograph of it and sends it to Vegeta, since he's abstained from watching.

The comedic jabs don't stop there either, as Nappa tries to adopt the Arlian Rancor, but just like the kid who can't sit still, Nappa ends up breaking everything he plays with. Just as Vegeta is about to kill the king, rocks begin flying around the coliseum.

"What are you doing?"

Vegeta smirks. "I'm about to rock you, like a hurricane." And then boom, he hurls a rock into the king and kills him. Let's put a pin in that brick joke for later.

The long flashback scene doesn't play any music, which feels like a weird editing misstep after a series of home runs. They leave the planet as heroes, and Nappa sets Vegeta up for another predictable bit of mood whiplash, where Vegeta obliterates the entire planet. This is a huge escalation in power scale compared to everything else we have seen thus far. But then, this is Dragon Ball Z. We've already reached “destroying planets” at only the fifth episode, and everyone knows that it only goes well past 11 on the dial from here on out.

Granted, there is controversy in the official version about whether or not this would’ve been possible for Saiyan Saga Vegeta, considering Arlia is not canon, but I will not be considering that simply because DBZA contains no filler. Everything shown in the flagship series (not counting movies, DBZA Kai, or other shorts) is presented as being canon to DBZA. Also, Vegeta and Nappa are shown standing outside of their pods... in the vacuum of space. Series veterans will understand the massive can of worms this opens. I'm looking at you, Battle of Gods.

Once everyone, including the people that they JUST SAVED from a tyrannical king, have been reduced to space dust, Nappa closes off this scene nicely.

Now that we've discussed Arlia, let's focus on King Kai's role in the episode.

He explains to Goku that the planet has high gravity due to it's small size. Gregory from off-screen pipes up that this doesn't make any sense. I suppose "higher planet density" wasn't considered when writing the script - or perhaps it was, and they just decided that the easy answer wasn't the funniest one. Maybe “there’s an incredibly powerful pirate trapped in the core of the planet, which is why the gravity is so strong" was deemed better for a parody.

Honestly, I agree. Bojack works as an in-the-know reference, and is also fleshed out enough within the show that a newcomer would understand what's being discussed.

At the time of this review, the Bojack Abridged movie has not yet been released, but this is easily one of the longest brick jokes in all of DBZA, since Episode 5 was released in 2008 and it is my expectation that Bojack Abridged will be released within the year, leaving in its wake an 11 year old callback.

When King Kai asks Goku why he had been sought out, Goku explains that the Saiyans are coming to Earth and he requires training. Excellent fade-in and musical choice for Goku's uncharacteristically serious speech to King Kai.

Of course, it gets cut off at the peak swell with King Kai's indifferent "sure", leaving Goku gobsmacked.

In this series, King Kai's indifference and easy acceptance of Goku is attributed to the mind-numbing loneliness of only having a monkey and a grasshopper (cricket, sorry) to talk to for the last 500 years. Goku agrees, as he couldn't imagine anything more boring.

Major flash-forward to Namek. Just this scene being here at all is a major instance of a sequence break. But it is the introduction of another exceptionally interesting character in the series.

In terms of placement, this works as a long-term cutaway gag and reminiscent humor but not much else. We're still about half a season away from even considering Namek within the story, and the Saiyans haven't even arrived on Earth yet. The decision to slide this segment into the middle of this episode leaves some serious questions in my mind. But at face value, it's not that bad.

We're treated to a solid ten seconds of just staring at a massive fat green alien while birds chirp in the background. We hear a fish go "plonk!" in the water, and Lord Guru calls for someone named Nail, who looks a lot like Piccolo, to approach him.

"I saw a fish. That was all, you can go back outside now." 

Definitely reinforces the point of boring. And while Nail is lamenting how boring his job is, Lord Guru tells him that he saw a bird and then promptly instructs him to "kick its ass."

But we’re not Nail, are we? We’re the viewer, and for some reason in the human mind, segments of extremely boring content usually pique our interest even more, because we have it drilled into our psyche that something is going to happen to break the tension sooner or later. That notion, the idea of slowly leaning closer to the monitor during the ten long seconds of a single still image, both conveys the boring tone of Namek, but also leaves the reader waiting in anticipation long enough for these dull scenes to just fade from their perspective and only latch onto the climatic moment. In this case, Guru commanding his apparent servant/bodyguard to assault a fish.

Not to overstate the obvious, but if it’s not the viewer’s own sense of tension and curiosity, it’s the pure absurdism and characterization of Guru that carries this scene. Disregarding source material, the design of Guru is meant to make him look old, wise and compassionate. Making him a lazy, annoying, verbally violent fatass is a near-infinite cash cow of writing material. It’s very difficult for me to judge this scene unbiased, knowing what comes next, but I imagine this would be a tryhard non-sequitur at worst, or promising potential for the future at best, with regards to this scene on its own, within the context of this episode and nothing more.

This episode also saw the genesis of perhaps not the first, but one of the most popular jokes in all of DBZA: Piccolo just jobbing the shit out of Gohan. DODGE! The scenes chosen and the delivery are outstanding compliments to this cheesy, simplistic joke. At this point I feel it's important to address that my editorial reflections or descriptions of these skits are relative to the context of these episodes. Even with the best of what this episode has to offer, we're still in peak 2008 internet humor era. The use of the word "outstanding" here will not carry a similar significance should I use it to describe a later episode.

Also the most random cutaway in all of DBZA, full-stop, is the brief look into the Hall of Justice, as Superman, Batman and Aquaman debate how they will stop the approaching Saiyans. This is humorous only in its absurdity, but less-endearingly than Guru was. Even if this scene makes zero sense, and relies upon an almost lower form of comedy than slapstick, Aquaman's voice is still just Krillin's voice. At least Superman and Batman sound different than the main cast. I'm really tempted to dislike this more, but the lackadaisical attitude and context of the whole scene definitely draws your eye more than a lot of the sensible but base-line plot progression of the story. I don't know if it belongs. To me, this scene just screams out that TFS is flinging spaghetti wildly at the wall, any and everything that might be funny, and while some of it sticks for one reason or another, (Jadoshin as Solid Snake, Antics on Arlia, even Guru's abrupt cameo) some of it flops. If anything, this show builds upon the corpses of its failures, and learns what works and what doesn't work surprisingly quickly.

Conclusion

Bizarre, but I liked it. Nothing in this episode that's bad is memorable. I might criticize the Namek cutaway for being out of place, but after letting this review sit for a few days, I just remember Goku saying "Man, nothing could be more boring than that!" and the immediate cut to Namek, and Nail pleading for the love of his sanity for something to happen. I might criticize the Justice League cutaway for being wildly out of the place, but I just remember "WHAAAAAALES!"

The meat of the episode was also decent, as it establishes Goku training under King Kai, and Piccolo's continued training of Gohan, the origin of DODGE! and the realization that Gohan can transform into an Ozaru. And you can nod your head and say that these may be necessary to the story all day, but they're also presented with... let's call it a clumsy grace. It's not bad, but it's miles away from official dub quality. This is in essence what the benchmark or gold standard was for early abridging back in 2008. The quality that TFS will continue to evolve the series into simply defies all logic or explanation, and in comparison makes these episodes look downright crude. 

But let's face it, if Episode 1 began with a person lying on the ground and shot in both kneecaps, Episode 5 shows that same person at least hobbling down the street to the hospital. 

It might not look pretty on the whole, and some of the dialogue might be clunky, but it seems like a lot of the flaws in this episode are simply caused by being products of their time.

Whether we're looking at Namek or The Hall of Justice, even the most outlandish oddities of this episode have still made me laugh. That's really the end of it.

Score: 75

Passing Thoughts

"I hope something exciting happens around here soon. I don't care what it is." - Ominous!

"You're surrounded by my thirteen elite *KABOOM* ...dead guards."

"SUMMON THE RANCOR!"

[acrownforaking]

Infinity War: First Impressions

Needless to say, my ass will be back in the theatre soon to see Infinity War again -- perhaps several times -- but after one go-through, I’m gonna cover my initial thoughts and feelings about the movie. And hooBOY, I have a lot of them.

****SPOILERS****

The Good

Is this Thanos: The Movie? Yes, yes it is. But that’s not a bad thing. Aside from Josh Brolin’s fantastic performance, the writers really outdid themselves with this one. For a giant, purple nutsack from space, he is remarkably human, with understandable motives, that while incredibly misguided, are almost...noble? I never expected to walk out of Infinity War and find myself grappling with a philosophical struggle over whether the villain was right or not. Besides Loki, most Marvel villains are as generic and comic-booky as expected, but Thanos fucking shined in Infinity War. 

This should have been a mess. For all intents and purposes, Infinity War (MOST AMBITIOUS CROSSOVER EVENT IN HISTORY HER DE HER) was doomed from the start. Juggling five-times the amount of characters of the original Avengers, while creating a followable plot and introducing a new villain. Sure, we’ve been teased Thanos, but we didn’t really know anything about him. We just knew Grimace was coming, and he was gonna get the shinies, goddamnit. But somehow, everyone had a chance to speak and do something relevant, everyone mattered, in some way, and even though the plot was largely fragmented, broken off into several simultaneous stories, there was no confusion. I still can’t get over how something so massive was so cohesive, so streamlined.

Some people have complained about length, but I didn’t register that the movie pushed a three hour run time until I’d left. I was on the edge of my seat, laughing, or crying for the entire run. I was never bored, never wondered when a certain scene would end. I thoroughly enjoyed every second.

The humor was on point. The Russos took a lot of good cues from the Gunns and Taika, because the GOTG/Ragnorak hilarity was there, with the perfect comedic timing and memorable lines. “Thank you, sweet rabbit.” and “I am Steve Rogers!” will stick with me for a long time. Nothing beats Trash Panda, but this came very close.

They picked some unusual pairs for certain stories that turned out really well. 

The dynamic between Thor, Rocket, and Groot was great to watch, and even with Thor rolling with them, had a very distinct GOTG vibe to it. Also surprised by the depth of emotion in that scene between Thor and Rocket (you know the one), but after the tear-jerking brilliance of the Yondu/Rocket scene in GOTG2, I should’ve seen the heartbreak coming. 

Strange and Tony together was also fantastic. They’ve been compared endlessly since Doctor Strange was released, and to have two massive egos butting heads like that was something that I think was long awaited for many fans, and didn’t disappoint -- and it did show that yes, Strange is not a copy paste of Tony in a different universe. Strange remains pretty Machiavellian while Tony sees more intrinsic value in every human life. Even though they had similar “redemption arcs” in their separate movies, the contrast between the two of them was more on display than anything else, and I loved that.

Peter Quill and Thor. Need I say more?

Some of the sweeping space shots were awe-inspiring. I thought that the Valkyrie scene in Ragnorak was peak Marvel beauty, but Infinity War was absolutely gorgeous. 

Red Skull coming back was a really interesting twist.

Those mindless, Resident Evil style monsters that Thanos released in Wakanda were actually scary as shit, and it was a lot more interesting watching the Squad tear into those than say, the Ultron minions, or...basically any other generic evil thing they’ve fought, just because they were so mindless and vicious.

SQUIDWARD. Great small-time villain, and whoever did his voice acting killed it.

Tony and Pepper talking about having kids, the broken-up conversation on the space-ship...oh, it wounds me so...but it was fantastic writing. Grounding for Tony, certainly, reminding us that he’s settled into a pseudo-normal life since Civil War AND HE WANTS LITTLE TONYS AND PEPPERS AND YOU KNOW THAT WHEN HE THOUGHT HE WAS DYING THAT’S ALL HE WAS THINKING OF, HE WAS THINKING, NO, NO, THIS ISN’T RIGHT, PEPPER AND I ARE GONNA HAVE A BABY, WE’RE HAVING A BABY

Bruce really shined and it made me so happy, and I don’t have much to say on the subject other than I’m psyched he got the amount of screen-time that he did. I vastly prefer Bruce to the Hulk, and the comic relief of Bruce basically having Hulk ED was great. 

Yes, the end crushed me, of course. But I appreciated that so much was subverted, tropes, expectations, you name it -- they failed. The heroes failed and the casualties are incalculable. The villain goes home to rest and sit on his laurels while the heroes mourn their dead. How often does that happen in blockbuster cinema? What a breath of fresh air. (I STILL HATE YOU FOR PETER PARKER, MARVEL.)

Speaking of me hating Marvel for Peter: that scene was crushing. I started sobbing, and I heard a lot of crying from around the theatre. Just...”Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good.” ... “No, no, I don’t want to go.” It tore me up inside unlike anything else I’ve ever seen in the MCU.

And so spoke the prophet Ned: “Holy shit, we’re all gonna die!” 

The Bad

While everybody shined at one point or another, there were some characters that were really thrust into the forefront in promos that in reality had very, very few scenes in the movie. Mainly, I’m talking about Bucky. He got a new arm, hugged Steve, swung Rocket around, and then died. I was hoping for more. 

There were a few interactions I was hoping to see but never got. Mainly: Tony and Bucky, Tony and Cap, Shuri and Tony, Shuri and Bucky. But there’s time for that yet, because let’s be real: ain’t none of these motherfuckers staying dead. Except for Loki, Heimdall, and Gamora. RIP.  

While the humor always made me laugh, there were a few misplaced moments that undercut the emotional weight of whatever had just happened. Drax standing there while Gamora asked Peter to kill her if it came down to it is the main thing that stands out in my mind as jarring.

I was a little underwhelmed when I found out that the Soul Gem was on some random planet, but that’s mainly because I was hoping that the “Heimdall has the Soul Gem” theory wasn’t going to be Jossed. 

It seems strange at this point that no one in the films has acknowledged any of the canon introduced in Agents of SHIELD, like the Inhumans, but truthfully, I complain about this because I just want Coulson to be in the films and for the original Avengers to know that he’s still alive.

NO HAWKEYE. AM ANGRY.

The Ugly

Some of the cinematography was...meh. Especially when they were fighting in Wakanda, there was a lot of shaky cam and random cuts that made the action pretty hard to follow. 

Nebula getting ripped apart. Ouch. 

I feel as though Thanos announcing himself by murdering Loki and Heimdall was a great way to establish how dangerous he was (along with beating the shit out of the Hulk) but WOW it was hard to see Loki die like that.

I...I get what they were trying to do with the forge...and, true, it was pretty cool, but holy shit, why did Peter Dinklage need to do that voice. It sounded forced and ridiculous. Any GOT fans remember Tyrion imitating his cousin Orson? That’s what Peter’s character sounded like THE ENTIRE TIME. I couldn’t take him seriously. I get that they were probably trying to distance this character (I can’t remember his name) from Tyrion, but for the love of God, why not just let him do his American voice, then? Or just his Tyrion voice, because most people see Tyrion when they look at him anyway and that can’t be avoided sometimes. 

I’ll probably have even more to say about Infinity War once I’ve digested it a bit, but TL:DR -- this is one of the best films in the MCU. Possibly the best. My expectations were subverted and it was better than I ever dreamed it could be...so if you haven’t seen it, you need to!

[floraone]

Do you have any favorite episodes of Sailor Moon? Original or Crystal!!!

So, I’m sorry this took me so long to answer, love xDThe short answer is: I am very bad at picking favorites xD.

But, so … instead, I decided to do something out of your ask that I’ve been wanting to have but not found a reason to make so far: Make a list of the episodes I value the most. So, I’m not sure which of these are my favorites, but I love them for Reasons, which I’ll be telling you.

(And let me warn you, first. Because I’m a very visual person, and animation style does play a major role in this list, lol.)

Aaalso, this is gonna be a LONG post, so more under the cut.

So, first up: Crystal. This is gonna be short, because it’s THE ENTIRE INFINITY ARC.I mean, it gave us shots like THIS.

I know some people weren’t big fans of the style. But hands down, it’s my favorite. It’s what I try to recreate in most of my fanart, because it’s FRIGGIN GORGEOUS. And also, it gave us Mamoru as part of the team AND family and instead of just Usagi’s boyfriend who nobody really knew outside of that. So there is that xD.

Before that, I would have to say episodes 6 (Tuxedo Mask) and 7 (Mamoru Chiba) - because those are such perfect renditions of the Manga chapters in my books, and the chemistry between Mamoru and Usagi in those represent pretty much the reason those are my OTP.

I love Crystal, totally, but I do also love the 90s anime. It had some crazy giant plot holes, and some really stupid changes that I love to pick apart in fanfic, but I grew up with that shit. I taped that shit every episode as a kid, and re-watched those episodes until the VHS broke and I taped them again when TV circled back to them. As I said, it’s hard to pick favs, and the 90s anime belongs to Sailor Moon in my heart as much as the Manga and Crystal do.

So, here’s a list of the Classic episodes that I appreciate the most:

Episode 28. That’s the one with adorable painter Yumemi Yumeno, who gets visions of the SilMil cause she’s a Rainbow Crystal carrier, and forces Usagi and Mamoru to sit for her. Mamoru is being an obnoxious ass, but you kinda see a little chemistry for the first time in my books, and it’s crazy adorable. Plus, his locket is being casually handed over in this, and this is hella cute. Plus, its animation director here is Kazuko Tadano, who was easily among my favorites in Classic.

Episode 40. This, actually, is a kinda surprising pick for me. Because it’s a Masahiro Ando episode - the animation director I liked the least. An episode by him had to be REALLY good if I liked it despite of that, and this one kinda was. It’s the episode where Usagi is on a family retreat in the mountains, onsen-ing and ryokan-ing and yukata-ing away, and the youma this episode is not a youma, but a legendary star-crossed ghost-y couple, that Evil!Endy decides to wake and then not be very evil about it. In fact, this episode would fall under the category of “MOST UNUSED POTENTIAL” for me, because there is so much in it, and so much feeling, and so much… ugh. It could have been so perfect, this episode. I’ve been meaning to write a fic surrounding it, but I’m still lacking the inspiration for it to get as perfect as it should be in my head.

Episode 44. Short reason: Our first complete glimpse we get of the SilMil, when the girls Sailor Teleport to the moon and Queen Serenity tells us how the SilMil ended. Also, Hisashi Kagawa is an amazing animator.

Episode 46. The last episode of Classic and I bawled when Usagi was left behind, and I bawled when Usagi held that locket out, and I bawled when Mamoru died, and I bawled when Usagi stood there as Serenity and the ghost hands of the girls helped her out. BAWLED.(Also Kazuko Tadano again.)

Episode 49. This has one reason, and one reason alone: It’s the song that played in the german dub in this episode (“Dort im Regen”), instead of “Anata no Sei Janai” (Makoto’s image song) in the original. It’s the same melody, and it’s friggin BEAUTIFUL, and I held my cassette recorder to our TV set when I was 9 to record that song, and listened to it so long and so often that even now, 20 plus years later, my MOTHER still knows the german lyrics by heart.

Episode 51. This was hanami school trip, Umino The Burrito, Usagi’s adorable scene with Luna, and her power up and badass-ness. Also lots and lots of cherry blossoms, and Hisashi Kagawa’s animation was bloody GORGEOUS.

Episode 56. It’s the snow white episode and it was so, so, so very silly, and where do you suppose you suddenly got those “friends” from that you talk about here, Mamoru, but I love it.

Episode 61. The break up episode. And god how I curse that break up arc all the time (or more correctly, its execution, not its existence, because that’s some sweet torture). But, let’s face it. This episodes hurts. And it’s GOOD.

Episode 69. The one other break up arc episode that I really, really like. The Sleeping Beauty. And surprise, surprise, it’s the one other episode where Mamoru shows some emotion about it, and we get to see how much this breaks him apart. (Also it has motorcycle and Unazuki, so yeah.)

Episode 91. The rod of looooove. Also adorable little kitties and a Mamo-chan that thinks the funnest, best date ever is a broken down house and several dozen stray cats.

Episodes 110 and 111. Those are the ones where the Talismans come together, where Uranus and Neptune sacrifice themselves and Pluto comes to save the day, and Usagi transforms into Super Sailor Moon for the first time and it’s animated by Ikuko Ito who’s just a friggin amazing artist.  (Also 110 is the episode with that hand HaruMichi hand-dance. so there.)

Episode 125. Ikuko Ito strikes again. I talked about this episode a couple days ago, in the ask that lovely @queenrisa14 asked. It’s when Usagi is literally being purer than the purest heart crystals, and transforms into Super Sailor Moon to save Saturn. And it works. And she comes back with a baby. And it’s wow. And it’s one of the two most emotive scenes that I could name when I was asked about them.

Episode 136. NINJA USAGI. AERIAL BUTT. NINJA USAGI IN NINJA OUTFIT THAT FITS OVER HER ODANGOES.

Episode 141. Because Minako two times two ASSHOLES and then kicks their butt.

Episode 152. This is the most random filler episode. The one with Rei’s little fan, who tries to look like her. BUT IT’S THE MOST GORGEOUS EPISODE OF THEM ALL. Ikuko Ito was always amazing, but to me, never better than here. Randomly.

Episode 159. Because Chibs looks friggin gorgeous in her Serenity dress and her Pegasus wings in that dream sequence. Because Mamoru interogating Chibs on who’s that boyfriend is friggin awesome. Because Mamoru hangs out with the girls and we never get to see that otherwise. And because of Ikuko Ito.

Episode 166. BECAUSE OF IKUKO ITO.

Episode 167. It’s the first episode of the first Stars arc, and it’s GORGEOUS because Katsumi Tamegai has turned into a friggin animation god by the time Stars came around, and it starts with that scene where baby Hotaru sits in between Sakura blossoms and dreams of Eternal Sailor Moon, and end with baby Hotaru being bad-ass, powering the Outers up and skipping toddler-hood altogether.

Episode 172: Last episode of Nehelenia, and Usagi is the Usagi I remember here. Warm and wise and forgiving and redeeming, and she turns into Eternal Sailor Moon for the first time and that transformation is so much prettier than what came after for her.

Episode 173. Let me say something first, here, maybe. Because I FRIGGIN LOVE STARS. Stars is my fav season. I hate that it had no Mamoru, but I loved that shit. And this was bye bye Harvard episode, that at least gave us a promise ring, and a dorky meet cute for Usagi and Seiya.

Episode 174. Three Lights join the girls’ class. It was adorable.

Episode 180. Albert von Garajan. Michiru’s concert with the Three Lights. Usagi being cute. You guys know I love this episode, I referenced it in Yugen so  much.

Episode 181. Doki-doki date! C'mon guys, that shit was CUTE. Also Usagi x Takoyaki 4Ever.

Episode 184. Usagi is home alone, Seiya comes to house-sit, and everyone, EVERYONE joins. C'mon guys, even if you may hate Seiya, that episode was comedic gold and I wish the 90s anime would have had more episodes like that, AND WITH MAMORU IN IT. It’s the kinda Sailor Moon comedy that I’m TRYING to aspire to whenever I try to be funny in my fics. (Also Minako Ito is ALSO a friggin perfect animator)

Episode 194. Sailor Tin Nyanko knows Usagi is Sailor Moon, and that fierce protection the girls give her breaks my heart. As does Usagi, missing Mamoru, in the rain, with Seiya breaking down and so many people hating him for it. (I’m not gonna rant about that again, lol. I already defended him for it here.)

Episode 200. There. That’s my Usagi. Saving the world with her love and her hope. Also Serenity with wings. Also Mamoru is finally back. Also Katsumi Tamegai.

AND THEN THERE’S THE R MOVIE AND IT MIGHT BE MY BIGGEST LOVE OF ALL.

So there you go, love. I was thorough ;)

[southsidestory]

Bringing back an oldie that is pure comedic gold. I never actually shared the review here because it’s massive but you know what? I think some of you would appreciate it anyway! Random reviewer does get points for using his actual account and not dropping this pile of shit in my inbox anonymously. That I can respect, and for the sake of protecting his FF identity, his name is blocked out.

And for those who don’t want to click to embiggen:

“Another fiction (recommended by someone) concerning Sasuke and Sakura, and yet another grave disappointment. You have used Rinnegan Sasuke and adopted a monumentally absurd logic of him actually having trouble evading her during their training session? You cannot be serious! Why do all people infatuated with Sakura (or Hinata) and her non-canon “oh-so-awesome” speed (and her nonexistent and laughably poor CQC prowess) put her on such a high pedestal? It just baffles me. That is practically non-canon to the point of being grossly and obscenely OOC. Hebi Sasuke will cut her war-arc and Gaiden self down into confetti, even if he stands at a great distance from her (make it more than a kilometer, if you must), before she even has a chance to think, let alone blink. That is how fast Sasuke is. The guy was dodging consecutive Clay-based C2 (C4 as well) blasts that are well above hyper-sonic speed … in succession like it was nothing. The only time he got hit was when he let Deidara hit him to lure him into a trap. As for Kenjutsu, then people still misread that Bee battle and use the “underestimating thing” so freely without even paying attention to the manga (your S-Class mission took such a liberty there that it’s ludicrous)? Where Sasuke (despite being badly injured; as confirmed by Jugo and himself), was still faster than Bee to throw a sword into his other hand and hit himself with a Chidori before Bee even made a single stab; a fact confirmed by Bee himself (that the wounds were not fatal as he used Raiton to make them non-fatal)? Or Bee confirming and equating an injured man’s reflex action speed with Fourth Raikage in his Raiton cloak without the second “Bijuu chakra level” augmentation as Karin comments? A (Ae) guy who has been confirmed to be much faster than Minato when he uses Raiton armor (without “Bijuu chakra level” augmentation) as stated by Shee in the Viz translation of the manga? Or Bee admitting that Sasuke was the toughest opponent he ever took on? Where are you getting this from anyway? Who does a Rinnegan user have to underestimate? Who has this luxury? Forget that, how many opponents Sasuke took down during his training with Orochimaru? It led him to comment that he (when he was Sasuke’s age) was a lesser genius? Or Mifune (the guy with the fastest sword draw) commenting on Sasuke’s speed with the sword? Or Sasuke taking down several samurais as if they were cow-fodder; who were shown fight toe to toe Karui and Omoi (the same people who handed Sakura’s posterior to her in a second)? And she was using her Kunai and deflecting his attacks … just like that? It just bamboozles me … Then you showed that she deflected his Shurikens like it was nothing? Yes, like Orochimaru being lured into a trap by a twelve-year-old Sasuke did, right? Even he couldn’t do that. And that was when Sasuke was just a child. Or Danzo dying to one despite possessing about a dozen Sharingans? Or Deidara getting pinned by Fuma Shurikens despite being in air and throwing bombs at Sasuke? I mean, he STILL couldn’t evade them! Or Itachi, who could only match his prowess when he’s an expert in this as well? But Sakura is suddenly an expert in Shuriken-Jutsu; at Itachi’s level? Heck, he got his brother’s headband when he just woke up from a Tsukuyomi, stretched to 48 hours by Itachi and he was only eight years old then! By God! Should I go on? And “tossed” sounds like such an odd choice of words for Shurikens. Is he playing ball with her? Seems like it, as he left that one-of-a-kind dexterity and intelligence home when he sparred with the uber-talented Queen of ALL Ninjutsu (I will get to this point later), Kenjutsu, Shurikenjutsu etc. you name it! She’s so damned talented! And you are not even talking about these versions of Sasuke. You are talking about Rinnegan Sasuke; a guy who was much faster than Kinshiki (both in speed and in reflex action) and took his horn out and destroyed his created-swords, how many times? The only thing that threw him back was the force of the blows. Christ Almighty … he’s having difficulty with … Sakura?! Heck, the guy was much faster than Naruto (he has always been) in the movie. This is what irks me to no end about these Sakura-centric (or even Hinata-centric) fictions. Sakura’s status is upped to a ridiculous degree and Sasuke is dumbed down (a prodigy, might I add; Shikamaru also looked up to him by his own admission) to match Sakura’s level to such a degree that he becomes a painstakingly laughable, blubbering, hyper-romantic jackass who just … happens to be in love. Why? No reason. This fiction is no different. Why is Sasuke getting jealous of her sleeping around? No reason. He just is. When Sasuke in canon manga has always been an adherent of ideals and never a pointless, salivating chaser of romance and women. Which would explain why he only had sex with Sakura ONCE in over a decade. And that is canon-manga. Once he gave that to Sakura, he left her and never looked back. When he came back in the movie, it ends on a note of him standing away from her and looking off into the distance. In Gaiden, when she leaned in to kiss, he threw her an odd look and high-tailed out of her. Which version of Sasuke does this fandom keep writing? I don’t get. Really, I don’t. Then we have the issue of Sasuke crying in her arms and having nightmares, when he never did in the manga. Which portion of manga is this where he cried in her arms, or anyone’s arms, for reassurances or hurt/comfort nonsense when he isn’t even a child here? The only time that happened was when he fell down and was fainting with no control over his body after a lethal bite from Orochimaru (a bite that is only survived by one in TEN people). The kid was twelve then. The whole premise of your fiction is based on the sheer bastardization of his character. You have practically butchered it … and in second chapter, might I add. The very beginning! Your story goes on in a typical fashion, claiming scattered cliches of romances whilst not giving much value to what the manga actually exhibits. I have no issues with your genres. It’s your treatment that is bothersome. That admittance of “I didn’t listen to you” before Sakura about that criminal was literally the last straw; forget how absurd and unreal a Rinnegan user’s bloodied form actually was (I don’t even want to touch it, as it’ll open yet another can of nasty worms). It was another grave error of making Sasuke act like a complete fool before a ninja infinitely inferior than him on every front that it’s practically impossible to take this fiction seriously. When has he ever done that? Even after discarding Konoha’s putrid Nationalism, the only words he said to Kakashi were, “yeah, sorry.” Then we have the preachy tone of your fiction (till the sixth chapter anyway), where you define the clear tones of “hedunwrong” and go off with lengthy and highly hilarious comebacks from her and Naruto on putting Sasuke down. Disguising these admonishing tones with back and forth moods that is just off-putting. Give me a break! I cannot believe you are actually serious with this. Naruto would never admonish Sasuke or treat him badly (even mildly). The guy hyperventilated, let Karui sink his face in, was willing to commit suicide over Sasuke for crying out loud. He never went down this shady road. Heck, the guy repeatedly whined in several monologues that, “why don’t you come home, Sasuke?” and, “I understand how you feet” etc. The instance that made me drop this story was Sasuke sharing his … clan’s rite with Sakura. What on earth? You do realize that it requires “potent” Uchiha chakra to perform it, and that it has never, and I mean NEVER, been shared with or copied by anyone outside the clan? No one has managed it? Not even Kakashi. Why? Because if you had ever paid attention to the manga, then you would have realized that Uchiha chakra’s potency is comparable to the Bijuus (high-tier Uchihas). It is mentioned by Kurama and talked about several times in the manga. It is unmatched in the manga. Quite literally, given that Indra’s line directly inherited the Sage’s “strong Chakra” genes, Ashura never did. Now, one can let you off on the whole Sage inheritance as this was completed in 2014, but the rest still holds. The ground literally tears up and breaks apart when this technique is used when it happens with no other Katon tech from people other than the Uchiha. Sasuke broke apart a large stone wall with Dragon Jutsu when he launched it at the sky. How on earth can Sakura learn it … whose chakra is literally not even in a pathetic basket by comparison in regards to potency? I don’t care if it was just a knock-off version of it, how can she? When no one has … not even the Sarutobi clan who also happen to be experts in Katon Jutsus? Christ on a crutch, is all this even necessary? This out of character, sloppy take on a superman Sakura with such an “ah-sum” potent chakra, “ah-mahzing, theygoblindman” speed that gives Sasuke trouble (I gotta laugh at this), “es-pahshal” intelligence (when she’s canonically far below Sasuke, and I mean FAR below him) that allows her the accomplishment of such impossible feats? Her Chakra Control (CC)? You do realize that she would require CC at Sasuke’s level to even think about producing half the effects of the Uchiha tech as she lacks the chakra? Sure, her CC is pretty good. Excellent even. It’s above Naruto’s, as all he does is handle great volumes of chakra; the Bijuu literally hand over kneaded chakra to him. But at Sasuke’s level? The guy’s CC is at the Sage of the six paths level. Yes, this is manga fact, stated by Kurama itself to Naruto when he made a Pseudo-Mezo out of his Perfect Susanoo and poured perfectly controlled and kneaded Bijuu Chakra within it! Now, how can she produce such a control to even accomplish this given that three ingredients to produce this are missing; CC at Sasuke’s level or slightly below

CONTD … him, Chakra potency and distinct bloodline attributes? Apparently, it is of little issue as canon plot be damned! Honestly, this Sakura is such a Mary-Sue, capable of feats that must make her canon self dizzy and mad with envy. That’s the problem with romantic fandom here (NH as well, along with Hinata-Centric fics), they have little to no understanding of the manga. It doesn’t even seem like they have read it beyond the bubbles, contorted to suit their self-created romantic perspectives or fanciful notions of God characters and Naruto is the worst offender there, where he’s (hilariously) given a Sharingan and made to act like Sasuke, when that fandom hates the latter’s guts! All you have done here is assimilate several cliches and tropes to create a narrative that is built on a flimsy and improper footing. People do that with Uchiha brothers all the time. Make them chase like silly, idiotic men in the grip of a concept that is not even remotely touched upon in the manga. Not even close. Making them seem like these inconsequential, trivial caricatures that litter ever Samantha’s and Martha’s romance novels … and it’s quite painful to trudge through it. And that is not all, you have several pacing issues as well. There are abrupt breaks between scenes when they can be joined to the next one as the mood remains the same. Improper use of conjunction or it’s missing altogether. Dragged on scenes where pointless romantic mood is given priority rather than realistic characterization, which should be used to build a mood. That Sakura confession was the lowest point in this fiction till the sixth chapter bar Sakura’s “es-phashal” status as a ninja. Granted, we all make mistakes. Heck, I make them all the time and cannot seem to pinpoint them until after a month or so. But this is Beta-Read! How could your Beta not see these errors in genre and plot pacing in general, along with the over-use of OOC-ness to make this work AT ALL COSTS? I suppose fictions like “Aves of Maria” are a rarity, where the author knows they are dealing with a character that is not an exhibitionist of bleeding romance and is reserved and cold on such front. There, it was put under the carefully thick garb of lust. But, this is Naruto fandom and that was DeathNote fandom. That aside, it wasn’t all doom and gloom. You have quite a lot of positives as well even if the narrative tone is very troublesome. Your dialogues are clean and have a tinge of realism in them. The flow is (mostly) maintained and there is a good amount of consistency between the scenes. That is, perhaps, the most solid part of your story. You tend to remain consistent with the whole thing (good or bad). It tends to create a good flow that is hard to accomplish. As a final word, you have a solid footing as a writer. If you stop using tropes and cliches (like you have done here), then you can accomplish a lot. I may have sounded harsh, but I am a blunt individual. And I would never have reviewed it had someone not requested me to, to be honest. Anyhow, good luck on your future endeavours. I wish you all the best.”

I wish you all the best too, dear. *kisses*

[feelinsdumpster]

things i want to do in the coming decade

1 January 2020

1. now that the most hellish part of my student career is over and i’m given more time for myself, i want to read at least 3 books a month (with at least 1 classic every two) in 2020, and try read one more book every month in the coming years

2. write better reviews for the books i’ve read, and maybe post reading logs here

3. i want to reread some of my absolute favourite titles and finally put up my honest reviews for them. maybe i’ll post a shitpost here about how much i love em

4. i want to get over my fear of writing (and get over the trauma that resulted this) so that i can not only stop procrastinating for homework, but also start writing the shit i’ve always wanted to write

5. start carrying a tiny book around for when i have a random spontaneous idea, so that i can write them down. i tend to always have spontaneous ideas but i never remember them by the time i’m about to write them down so hopefully this will help

6. read or write as i commute instead of wallowing in sadness as i listen to music

7. post an essay here once every 2 weeks (or at least once a month) about issues i care about, and hopefully improve my writing along the way

8. wake up earlier and keep doing so consistently, like 7am or something, and not get fatigued over doing so

9. go on morning walks, heck, or even walk up the hill to campus if i have to, because your loser girl over here has been recommended to lose weight by 4 doctors over the last few years and it’s about time i tried

10. try lessen my shopping and stop being a victim of consumerism. 2019 (or at least the latter half) was probably the one year in which i spent a shitload of money on things that i did not necessarily need. it’s become a habit i cannot control where i buy things on impulse thinking ‘i need it’ or ‘it’ll be gone if i don’t get it’ when i know that is not true and i don’t need it and that the only reason i’m compelled to buy them is because i live in a very consumerism-centric society that also conveniently does not have sales tax, and live in a very image-based era where how you look online is big deal and you always ‘have’ to keep up with the trends when that’s bullshit and anyone that decides to unfriend you over such deserves to be out of your life because holy fuck is that toxic. 

11. try not only make more new friends, but also start talking again to some of my old friends/acquaintance. it could be because the old environment was gone, it could be because we’ve all matured a bit and grown up, but whereas i though it would be cringe as fuck to accidentally come across people i used to know, i was surprised to find it pretty pleasant and not as nasty as i’ve expected (this is probably because i have deep-set issues regarding how people perceive me but ye) and i think it would be nice to talk again and shit on our past lol. that, and making new friends, i need to stop giving people a singular vibe check and pussying out when i don’t like it. i want to try get to know new people more without bias and maybe gain friends instead of simply acquaintances

12. get over my stage fright and be more confident (this sorta bleeds into the next point)

13. learn to stop caring about what other people think. when you live in a society that greatly values the idea of ‘face’, this point can be really hard to do. but really, no one but yourself has any stake in what you’re doing right now or for the future, so you better do you sis

14. figure out what i want out of life and my university experience. tbh i spent a good portion of my life being pushed around by people, in hopes that i’d end up here or i’d end up there, i really never thought about what i really wanted. in 2019 i really focused on how i felt throughout with my growth and i started caring for myself more (which i honestly should have done long before because i am so emotionally unstable i don’t know how i’ve lasted this long actually). sadly enough, as i started caring more for myself, what everyone had hoped out of me were absolutely shattered. i didn’t score too well in my public exams because i didn’t want to push myself too hard; i ended up not getting into the much favoured first choice for a uni degree; and i ended up discovering that i want simplicity out of life: i don’t want to be a hero, i don’t want to be a leader, i just want to live happily and help people in tiny non-extravagant ways. this was much to everyone’s dismay lol. i also rekindled my fondness for literature and am pursuing a second major in english to the great disapproval of everyone else (i was a pretty good student at school and i did focus on science and math so this came as a shock to everyone, doesn’t help that i’m asian). but i really like what i’m doing right now. it’s more broad and i can sort of figure out what i want to do. but with that i also had this massive crisis where i didn’t know what the hell i was doing and i also didn’t want to be wasting my degree taking shit willy nilly and develop no interest or skills. so i really want to figure that out u kno

15. graduate at a healthier state mentally and physically (very easy to manipulate because, arguably speaking, i can either a) never have graduated, or b) never stop learning, and both seem wonderful to me lol)

16. stop avoiding my problems and using them as a comedic crux; actually solve them and my longheld issues; maybe actually try going to therapy or counselling

17. learn to let go of the people who have wronged me and learn to accept that i’ve made mistakes that may have greatly altered my life but should nevertheless be accepted as something that has happened and cannot be changed

18. learn to stop falling for toxic or unavailable people. self-explanatory. touche

19. learn to be kinder to myself. i don’t know how 2019 was for you, but it’s probably been one of the years where i’ve been the unhappiest i could ever be. whereas in the first half i was stressed beyond my wits and over-obsessed with some random public exam that really has no right in defining my future and self-worth, though it did (which is so shitty and stupid to begin with). in the second half, now that that fiasco was out of my head, i’ve sort of come face to face with how self-destructive my habits and attitude towards a lot of things are. you could probably tell from the shit i wrote before this point but positive self-image is not my forte, and i have essentially no idea what i’m doing or want out of life. arguably speaking, i’ve had a lot of people tell me or hint that i’m inadequate in many ways (be it because of how the education system is here, or my own complicated background), so i rarely ever hear compliments about myself or my work (or maybe i just suck in general idk). university has happened for a few months now and it’s been a bit jarring having adults tell me that i’m doing ok, or that they understand my background, or that i shouldn’t be doubting myself so much because i’m like ‘what the fuck that’s all i’ve been told to do?’. i guess it’s understandable why it’s important to know where you lack so as you can improve or like assimilate in society better (which i highly disagree with but i digress), but like holy fuckin hell did anyone ever think about how damaging that would be to a child’s self-esteem? maybe you won’t relate because you’re emotionally strong, or had a good upbringing, or didn’t lack all that much or you were a very normal kid, but if you wanted to know what it was like for someone who didn’t really have, or was, any of that: it sucked major ass, and it’s greatly affected how i ended up as an adult. i’m constantly anxious over nothing, and i have random fits of just gut-wrenching sadness, and god is it getting in the way of my daily life. now that i am doing ‘fine’ at school, i’m sole source of all negative criticism to compensate for the jarring lack thereof, and i’m terribly confused as to what people want out of me, as if that should even matter heck. never in my life did i ever let myself think that everything was going to be fine. never in my life did i ever let myself think i was adequate for whatever it was i was doing or wherever the hell i ended up. i realise i’ve spent nearly two decades of my life never cutting myself some slack even though the fact that i’ve made it this far and well and healthy, is to a large extent, completely on me and that i should be happy with myself. it’s about time i tried rebuilding my self-image and it’s about time i stopped giving myself ass when i don’t deserve it. and it sort of pisses me off that it takes a completely different environment for this to finally be clear to me and it’s baffling that i was once in such a toxic environment outside and within myself. i still am working to be kinder to myself; and the environment outside is still greatly toxic, but it is how it is and oh boy is that depressing. part of me still wished somebody taught me to be nicer to myself; part of me still wished the world would have been nicer to me; so here i am today, trying to fill the gap that was left by lack thereofs of the two

learning to be kinder to yourself is never really an easy task, especially if you’re already balls deep in being a dick to everything that you are. i’m sure it’ll take more than a decade, but i hope that the earlier i start, the better it’ll be for myself :)

20. be at a point where i’m genuinely happier with myself. i highly doubt any of you made it this far but if you have, i wish for you too: that in the coming decade, you’ll be at a point where you’re genuinely happier with yourself

extra:

21. FINALLY SUCC SOME DICK ITS ABOUT TIME IM NO LONGER SINGLE WHAT THE FU-