#god ive never felt so self indulgent in my life

[titaswrld]

you know me

description: ron and reader being friends, they both know it looks so weird of them to be so touchy when they’re just friends but they both love the physical affection and connection they have…what’s so wrong with that?

paring: ron weasley x reader

contains: song fic, fluff, friendship, lowk fwb…except it’s just platonic lol. for now..

song: juna by clairo.

w.c: 974

|an: kinda a self indulgent fic but i hope you guys love it too! i love love love ron and ive had this idea for a while, part two is going to be smutty.

part one part two

come to me slowly

it's when you talk close enough

that is feel it on my skin

breathe it in

your best friend. that’s all he was really; at least that’s what you thought. there had always been a lingering feeling, a what-if that always crossed your mind, but that thought was always pushed back into the back of your head. you and ron were friends, nothing more, nothing less.

little did you know, he felt the same. you were one of the most important people in his life; he would put you up there with family. you both meant a great deal to each other. sure, there were some wishful thoughts, but no, he couldn’t as much as he wanted it. you were just friends, nothing more, nothing less.

most of these days

i don't get too intimate

why would i let you in?

but i think again

everybody knows, but you two—i mean, it’s obvious. anyone with a pair of working eyes could see that you and ron shared an inseparable type of love, more than that of just friends. you did everything together and spent all your time together. you eat right beside him, your shoulders always touching for every meal, laughing and making jokes. be never fails to walk you to all your classes. you study together, do your homework together, ditch classes together, spend hogsmeade trips together—everything.

you and ron were also no strangers to physical affection; after all, it’s the reason you met.

third-year care for magical creatures class, the day the two of you met. you’d always been a little scared of the mythical creatures that inhabited the wizarding world; they were untelling and unpredictable.

“isn’t he beautiful?” hagrid bellowed as buckbeak strutted forward from behind him, making an animalistic shriek and catching the piece of meat hagrid threw at him into his mouth. everyone stepped back in fear to avoid being anywhere close to the creature; you were especially terrified.

the second buckbeak shrieked, you gripped the arm of the person next you, who just so happened to be ron, of whom had never had a woman touch him like this before, until now.

bloody hell, he thought to himself, his cheeks reddening and his breath faltering. for some reason, your touch felt good to him. in fact, he didn’t want you to let go until you did.

“oh my god! i’m so sorry, im such a chicken sometimes i really-" You’d blabbered, face reddening until he interrupted you.

“It’s okay, really. bloody thing gave me a bit of a fright too.” he said it with a slight chuckle at the end, which tugged the corners of your mouth into a grin. from then on, you became inseparable.

i don't even try

i don't have to think

with you, there's no pretending

it’s been two, almost three years now, and you know each other inside and out. you were now seated in your favorite spot which just so happened to be the couch in front of the fireplace in the gryffindor common room; you’d spend a lot of time there with him. talking, laughing, studying…holding hands, cuddling...his arm draped along your shoulder as he listened to you complain about your recent potions assignment. which you two considered casual, everybody else didn’t.

“he’s practically on top of her! pay up already!” fred exclaimed in a hushed whisper to george as they peaked from behind the staircase at the couple.

to which george rolled his eyes, “yeah, but they always do this; it’s really nothing new. you know that.” fred had an annoyed expression now plastered on his face, silence telling as he continued to watch the scene in front of him unfold.

you know me, you know me

and i just might know you too

come to me ready

you two knew people thought it was weird, but for you guys, it was just comfort. It was providing a sense of security; you were just showing your love for each other! what’s so wrong with that? 

you’d blabbered on about how you were so sick of snape and his big dumb stupid assignments that you couldn’t stand any longer. ron was listening, of course he was listening. he always listened to you, but today he was more focused on you than your ranting. he was focused on the way your lips moved while you spoke, the beauty marks that detailed your face so delicately, the slope of your nose, the way your thick eyelashes fanned across your eyelids, and the way your eyebrows creased in frustration as you read out snape's rubric for his newest assignment. 

“i mean, it’s ridiculous! look at this, ron. he wants—“ you started, but were cut off by ron’s own statement.

“you really are beautiful, you know.” he didn’t even register what he said until the words escaped his lips, but he wasn’t scared, nor was he shy around you. he knew you. he knew the time was right; this was the moment he had been subconsciously waiting for. 

a slight blush crept on your cheeks as you smiled, cupped his right cheek with your hand, and gave him a kiss on the other. “thanks ron. you don’t look too bad yourself, you know.”

he laughed and unwrapped his arm from around your shoulders to give you a slight push, knowing it would get you going. 

“oh, you’re in for it now.” you’d stated, bringing your legs up from the couch and kneeling on the cushions below you to shove him with both hands, using all your might to knock him over. 

he hardly moved; despite your efforts, he let out an “oh, am i?" and nothing more before wrapping his arms around your waist and roughly laying you out on the couch, as he brought his hands up to begin tickling your sides. 

“oh! really?” you gasped, "you think i don’t have siblings too? don’t make me start kicking weasley,” you’d stated in between breaths. 

he stopped at once, raising his arms up in a defeated manner, “okay. okay. you win.” 

“that’s what I thought.” you’d said catching your breath. you didn’t realize it, but in this moment, ron was sure of something he never thought he would be so sure of in his life. 

 

[yinyuedijun]

hiiiii i have not read or seen windbreaker my only interactions with it are bc some of my moots r into it now so ive read some fics and i saw tokyo vice on my dash and i was really pulled in by the summary so i read both parts and sincerity and the little prequel piece and oh my god it’s so good. i love the humor, the narrative voice is so witty. suo’s character is so intriguing bc as much as the reader loves and knows him there’s still so much going on that we can only guess at and i felt like that was communicated really well. i enjoyed the fact that sincerity and the prequel let us see their relationship at a different time and how we got to where they are in the present. im really interested in the reader and i felt like u did such a good job of weaving in the comedy to make some of her internal dialogue more lighthearted while still developing her emotional state really well. plus the smut was insane like 11/10 no notes. when the reader said she was excited for pussy inspections >>> like fuck yea me too!!! but anyways i loved the details we learn about her and how her fantasy is have really mundane romantic and vanilla sex. it really speaks to just how fucked up her life has been to the point where her biggest romantic dream is just to have regular sex with the man she loves. like ugh the angst interspersed with the comedy and smut was just chef's kiss. AND THAT ENDING??? WHEN HE THINKS SHE'S ASLEEP. like that did tug at my heartstrings especially when he talked about what their old friends think of him :(( and how if he was a better man he'd let her go. i read another organized crime x civilian fic for a different fandom a few years ago and it ended with the civilian person leaving his partner/his partner letting him go bc the deeper the partner he got into organized crime the more unhinged he became and how his mental state began affecting the civilian. thats a really condensed way of explaining but the events were crazy and it had me crying and screaming every chapter but that's something that ive never seen in other yakuza/gang/organized crime aus so i thought it was really cool to see how that is something that suo thinks about and has to come to terms with now that its been a few years and he can look back at his behavior.

but anyways i really really loved it and im gonna watch/read windbreaker as soon as i can now :)) so thank u for the wonderful fic 🙂‍↕️ and is tokyo vice over? i dont think i saw a completed tag on it on ur masterlist so i wanted to ask if u were leaving the world open

ANONNN I LOVE U SO MUCH TRULY THANK YOU!! 🥹 tokyo vice was an absurd self-indulgent project so I'm so very happy you gave it a shot despite not being into wbk!!! I must confess that it's wildly different from canon LOL but I do adore the canon series nevertheless, and I hope you enjoy it :-) (let us know if you do!!!)

I can't thank you enough for sending such juicy feedback abt tokyo vice, especially about the reader! I did find it somewhat stressful trying to balance the comedy of her narration with the horny and angsty and deranged events of the plot, so I'm glad that you liked that aspect of the fic !!! 🥹 and yeah despite all the comedy, she really is a traumatized meow meow. but it's okay, she can now have the normal sex of her dreams with the love of her life - as long as she can survive 4 months of orgasm denial before their wedding 😭

and LOL I love yandere charas with self-awareness so in general I love writing arcs where they love the reader enough to understand that they should let them go. the plot you're describing is sooooo up my alley and I think suo would absolutely have that thought process if the reader were even remotely mentally normal. unfortunately she is equally insane. I guess that is the tragedy of it for suo - he knows that he can never get better, and he also knows that as long as they are together, she can never get better either. fortunately for him, she could not care less ♥️

I do think tokyo vice is complete, but I do want to finish that sakura wip at some point and also write about suo and mc's sex life after they get together (which is very nasty premaritally and then really vanilla and emotional on their wedding night). I want to finish this kitsune suo pwp first though and finish my ffg commitments too 😭

anyway sorry for yapping so much HAHAH I'm just so happy that you commented on all these aspects of the fic!! thank you for reading and for sending such a wonderful ask 🥺💗

[damistrolls]

Goodbyes

helo ive been sitting on this noboru write for a little while

its gone thru a lot of revisions but i think im finally happy, so!!! here it is!

now read my silly self-indulgent drabble, boy

(google doc link)

—

“I loved you once, you know.”

The statement hung in the crisp air for a few moments. Noboru took his eyes off of the grave, glancing over his shoulder, as though he feared someone was listening to him speaking to a plot of disturbed ground. After he confirmed he truly was alone, he rolled his shoulders casually, and looked back at the hunk of white marble sticking out of the soil. 

“I don’t know when that changed, if it ever did. We were distant towards the end, and we disagreed on more things than we agreed on, but…”

He trailed off, words failing him. Noboru sighed and glanced over his shoulder once more, before carefully kneeling down on the damp grass with a grunt. He always felt his age most when he sat or stood. He remembers a younger Magpie telling him he made old man noises when he moved, and now he can’t help but notice every time he makes said ‘old man noises’. 

“… You’ll have to forgive me. I don’t have anything written and practiced. I didn’t want to come here with some kind of speech. I just wanted to talk, I suppose, since I refrained from saying anything during the funeral. Everyone there already wanted me dead, the last thing I wanted to do was rock the boat more.” 

The stone in the ground was silent and still, if a bit wet from the rain that had come down the previous day. Noboru nodded in the direction of the grave.

“Magpie insisted on the marble. I thought granite would be more practical, since it lasts longer, but he said you would want it to be beautiful.” 

Noboru goes quiet for a few moments, waiting. It was as if he was expecting a response, though he knew none would come. This was probably the most personal death he’s experienced. Every troll loses a friend or two when they’re young, but losing a long-term matesprit, even if an estranged one, was different. His lips press together in a thin line as he tiredly looks down at his lap.

“He asked me not to touch your hive. There isn’t much I can do if the Empire chooses to reclaim the land, but for now, it’s as it was. Though, it may be collecting some dust now. I think the only one who’s been in and out of there is Magpie. He still keeps things in that room of his, even if he doesn’t ever sleep there anymore. Apparently, he’s staying with this teal. And Lupo, of course.” 

The violet plucked a blade of grass from the ground, toying with it in his fingers idly as his eyes stayed trained downwards. 

“I’d like to say he’s happy, but frankly, I wouldn’t be able to tell. I don’t know how to talk with him. I feel as though I lost my opportunity to ever meaningfully be a part of his life. Yahiro was more of a father to him than I was. I wish I could blame you for that, like I blame you for everything else, but I can’t.”

Noboru’s chest ached and his throat felt tight, but he simply rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and straightened his back.

“… There’s too much I could say to you, Fansia... I could fill a novel with all of the things I’d like to say. But I don’t have that kind of time, and I’m sure you have some kind of afterlife to get on with. You never wanted to hear me whine about this-or-that while you were alive, gods know you give even less of a damn now. So I think now’s a good time for me to… say goodbye. Officially. To stop… dragging what happened around with me. It’s a weight I’m tired of holding.” 

He hesitated, before patting the pocket on his chest, making sure something was still in there. Noboru then retrieved a small, shiny object from the pocket, holding it out as if the marble grave could see it. 

“They buried you with yours, but I won’t let them bury me with mine, no matter how much I loved you. It’s been a few perigees already, and I need to stop carrying this piece of you around with me if I ever want to move forwards.” 

The grass near the stone was still loose enough that he could dig at it with his nails and pull back just enough to drop a gold ring into the dirt. It was a waste, but Noboru would have felt worse selling it. He pressed the grass back down over the ring. 

“… I’m not going to visit after this. You had a tight grip on my life these past thirty or so sweeps. More, if you count the time we spent when we were younger, with me trailing after you like a lost pup. I’m done centering my life around you, Fansia.” 

Noboru carefully got off of his knees, standing with some effort. He brushed the grass off of his shins and sighed. 

“Despite everything, I hope you’re happy, wherever you are. You take care.” 

And after a moment of hesitation, Noboru turned and left. 

[mykindoffairytale]

This year

This year has been an absolute nightmare, from undergoing the trenches that was KKH paeds, absolutely fearful of the coming day, to loving and being proud of myself that I actually made it. Remebered the blurry mornings, the painful history takings, my seniors slogging it out with me, kind seniors and those that hated my guts. I remembered being somewhat happy when things started becoming better, of course I loved the prerounding. Even managed a Sasha Sloan concert midway through. Then it was Taiwan, that was pretty meh but also pretty glorious.

Onto GS, where I was enjoying myself very much the first few months before everything came crumbling down, slowly but surely. Regretful actions were made but I'd generally attribute that to the wrong crowd- GS was definitely full of the absolute wrongest people. Made it to Laufey, made it to indo once again, and finally went to Uk. Saw glasgow who held my heart since I left, but going back I realised I had taken all she had to offer. Every month, mistakes were made, plenty of I wish I didnt say that till the very end. Thankful for everyone that loved me and stood by, and thankful for myself for never giving up on me.

Then very quickly it was NPL, that was spent lazing around, Jakarta, Seoul- which was greatly healing, and Bali- Labuan Bajo. The latter of which carried news Ive always dreamt of in nightmares, waking up in tears, safely forgetting the pain that I have dreamt. However, this time the pain was much to real, till now I try not to think about it, because I wish you had been kinder- especially because I had loved you so. Sadly it was towards the end, when I came home that I realised how bitter you were, and how although you provided, I was never your pride and joy. But by this time I knew how much I had laboured, and how much I had thought of/for you. Giving up quite abit of indulgence from guilt, stressing from the concept of "limited wealth" you had put in my head. No doubt I am ever thankful that you had given me a once in a lifetime experience - that was the best in my life. But at the end of it, my sadness was quickly blunted by self-preservation, I remembered your cutting words, my earnest love, your great providence and the joy of your presence. At the end, I'd call it even- not your lifetime full of contributions and the shortness of mine, but in general the positive influence you had on my life, although I wished you were more and myself slightly "less". I still miss waking you for snacks, thankful for your ever peaceful departure. Thank you for Malaysia and Glasgow.

Oh I forgot about Vietnam, the food great, the company peaceful. My alternative sister from different parents.

Oh I too forgot about Nik, who has been a steady source of comfort on work days, thankful we got to grow together, again its not about counting the gives and the takes, not about giving what you got, but a giving from what God has given to us.

The end of the year in Cardio has been the best so far, Cardio was a soft landing spot into the realm of MO ship, Ive gone to more services, exercise classes and received an exceeding amount of grace despite my underperforming ass. Im reconsidering IM because of her, but also very aware of what stands ahead. Nothing much has changed, the motion remains very much the same, fear-grace-growth, sprinkled with regret here and there.

The proposal this year was too a highlight- true love, girlhood. Definitely felt the love, and for an all too deserving couple <3

These moments of quiet reflection come less frequently, expecially with baseline "anxiety" and lack of spirituality. Thankful that pondering over money has gotten me here.

Looking forward to a better year next year, with more looking to Jesus rather than the ways of this world.

[marisdisry]

Entry IV: 06.19.2024

Maybe I don't deserve therapy. I still cannot fathom even avoiding my cousin. I am lonely.

Being an only child truly rides you down the deepest depths of loneliness. At least I think so. I'm not all that close with my friends apart from one girl, and I don't try to engage myself with my other friends. While I can see that my upbringing is not naturally at fault, all of this is arguably self-inflicted by isolation, I was never even allowed to play with the children in my neighbourhood and grew up with my development guided by an iPad. If not for school and regular socializing, I would have never learned to speak to people.

I cried the other day from how lonely it felt to wake up by myself, do things by myself, and even sit by myself. I had to send the voice notes to my best friend and speak to my cousin just for assurance that we will see each other again - my older sister/cousin, not the touchy one.

My older friends told me that everything wasn't my fault. I am minimizing the trauma by saying things like "(this happened) but (this happened to make up for it/this was given so this has to be taken in return).

It is going to be a long while until I see them again. I still feel a pang of sadness at the thought. Being by myself all day without one single soul I agree with is torture. How I did it all my life before, I know will come, but right now, I keel over and sob like the immature child I have always been - I have always felt like.

On the other hand, I have started to become more active on EDtwt. Terrible decision, I know. But I would rather have a community I could at least relate to. My body has always been my biggest flaw. The most outstanding mistake I have ever seen walk this Earth. I stopped looking into the mirror long enough to notice what I disliked, and instead, I focused on the newly prominent features that were surfacing from the loss of weight.

I don't have good skin, good teeth, or even a good scent (or so my aunt told me). I would at least want to be shaped nicely. Dainty. Helpless. The true meaning of my existence is lost in the rolls of fat I so indulged in having. Customers would at least like a product they can appreciate in the shadows when the light reveals its true ugliness. Like a fleshlight. I'm not planning on becoming a prostitute yet, but I think you get what I mean.

It's difficult trying to find an older man willing to support an ugly, shameful cause like me. But I will try to keep looking. I do want that new phone.

To be honest, I want everything. I am greedy. Materialistic at best, a thief at worst.

But throughout everything, as I write this and dissect my thoughts and feelings, I still wonder - would things be better if I just killed myself? It's only a passive thought, I still have dreams and ambitions even when I'm not too keen on achieving them. A life of passion is romantic and I fantasize about being one of those young women who are burnt out by academic pressure but still achieve what is expected of them. They are broken and stressed, but they are still the best at their game. Meanwhile, I could barely muster up the motivation to so much as want to take the test I would need to improve my standing in life.

I cut and I starve and I am still the same loser with no self-respect who yearns for her cousin's touch.

Why can't I just be different? Why can't I change? Why do I have to feel this way out of everyone? Is it because I barely believe in God?

I want to be good. I want to succeed.

I want to die. This is all so exhausting.

[bunnyloaves]

i just passed in like my first choice course, in the first choice campus, in my first choice university AUGHHH. i know i should feel happy and i fucking am, like i worked hard for that grinded for it aND I DO like im so giddy n happy n giggly

but also am not ready to admit to myself that i actually want to make choices for myself, like i feel selfish, i feel self-indulgent for picking something ive always wanted instead of living to appease n please some vague guy in my head, like oWH these are things i have to live up to. but also how stupid is that lmao choosing things in my life just cuz i think itd make someone else happy, like thats the stoopidest thing i could ever do.

i think i took stem-related stuff cuz i felt like i had to, thats what being a good smort kiddo meant, but i felt like i just had to endure it yanno. i didnt like what i had to learn, i did do it and i learnt it well enough but goD you couldn't make me enjoy half the stuff i studied. i never really did like reading about it, comprehending it, marinating in the knowledge or connecting dots about it...

idk even nOW i still want someone to affirm to me that its not bad to pick what i want, to live it out the way i reallyy feel like doing. like im sooo insecure

[tarttvs]

in 2020 we treat ourselves bitch

so,, after five years of being invested in this rollercoaster of a fandom, I finally made an undersona with the help of my lovely friend @stardripclouds

Introducing the hothead themself, Khet

[noctilucous-sunni]

the very tiring, horrible, not at all good day where you were not a track star [sagau]

Part 2. [masterlist]

warnings: swearing, i couldn’t create a cool title, cultish behaviours???, implied violence???, i don’t know what this is and i don’t want to find out, old crusty writing skills reborn!

info/tropes: imposter!au but with humor??, light crack, light comedy, cult!au, gn!reader

notes: like i said in a previous post, ive been on a writing hiatus for 2 years! Which is why this is very self-indulgent and me simply brushing up on my writing skills. It’s rather bad but i had fun writing it haha 🥴🤭 also its my first time writing for sagau! this was my originally intended first writing post bc it was the first thing i wrote for genshin but then i never finished it and then i posted hands as my first written post and here we are, back to the beginning :) i haven’t edited much of this, i just added on to it so my writing skills (and any characterization) in here are super crusty oof.

feat. character(s); diluc

It had been a painfully normal day, and maybe that was the source of all your current problems. You had just completed some exams and instead of studying yet again, you decided to take a short break. As you got home, dragging yourself towards your bedroom, you huffed, letting go of your bags and then collapsed onto the bed quite comfortably. After a few minutes of just lying there and rethinking your life choices, you finally decided to sit up and take out your computer. You hadn’t played Genshin in a while and you felt like rewarding yourself with finishing a quest or redecorating your teapot.

As usual, you quickly and painfully lost track of time. When you checked your phone, you saw the time and winced. 11:30 pm. Did no one call for you? That’s quite odd actually, you would usually be berated by your mom to go downstairs to socialise and eat. How did time fly by so fast? Wait, did you even eat yet? You couldn’t sneak out now, you’d be caught and chastised for staying up on a school night. Instead, you and your growling stomach simply had to deal with it. If your stomach could text emojis to you it would probably send you an angry face. You quickly closed your laptop and placed it on your desk. As you turn off the lights, you yawn before wrapping yourself in a cosy blanket burrito. Not too bad of a day, you supposed.

If only you had known what was going to happen. Your future self was probably laughing at you right now.

As sunlight playfully peeks from behind clouds, you shuffle in your sleep, wishing for five more minutes. When it gets warm, your brain finally starts to wake up. Sitting up, you frown as a calming breeze rustles your hair. Wait.

A calming breeze? You didn’t leave any windows open. HECK, you didn’t even HAVE any windows in your bedroom. Your half-asleep brain was barely processing anything, let alone allow you the energy to sit up and stretch your arms.

Why.. was there grass.. and trees.. and not your bedroom? And was it animated? The grass was nice though, you remarked, threading your fingers through the grass strands. You’re touching grass haha. Albeit, probably not real grass but… still.

You chuckle. Maybe I should go out and touch grass. You think, laughing to yourself because this was absolutely ridiculous. YOU KNEW that you probably would be terrible at surviving in those sagau fics you always read. Thank god this wasn’t that. Phew.

You shake your head, but the very animated grass in front of you hasn't changed. Haha. This is funny. Wake up brain, hello??? You thought, before your face falls. Light panic and worry set on your face. You rub your eyes once more but nothing changes and a worrying realisation sneaks into your thoughts.

No… No! That was crazy talk! You weren’t in a game! That would be insane, and concerning and…

Holy fuck, you were in a game. HOLY-

Genshin, to be exact but YOU KNEW exactly where you were. Windrise?? You pushed the thought away.

Shit. Shit shit shit! This was bad. Bad!! If this was anything like those sagau fics that you adored reading.. then… Well, you were screwed. Hopelessly, horribly, utterly, completely fucked. Only god could help you now.

Huh. Wait, did this mean that you were god now?? DID THAT MEAN THAT YOU COULD ONLY HELP YOURSELF? WHAT GOOD WOULD THAT BE?? To be totally honest, you had no idea if you were but it wouldn’t hurt to check. It actually probably would hurt but still sounds better than finding out through being stabbed by a guard or something, you pondered.

While deep in thought, something cold had nudged your shoulder. You instantly jumped, and let out a yell before realizing that was a very bad and stupid decision. Hoping nobody heard you, you look at where that weird cold thing had been, laughing softly. It was only a couple of cryo slimes. They were really quite cute.

Your hand hovered over one of them, reaching to pat them hesitantly, before letting down your guard. The fact that they weren’t attacking was good wasn’t it?

“Over there!”

Ah. And you thought that you could get away before anyone would notice you. Of course someone heard you. You should have known. The shouts had begun to increase in volume and well… you should probably start running right? The cryo slimes all get very defensive around you and push you in the opposite direction of the approaching guards. They basically do your own work for you when you are too frozen to act. You wish that this was a really weird out of body experience right now but it was starting to be evidently clear that this ‘dream’ or whatever it was, seemed too vivid and realistic that it had to be real. This is not the type of shit you could make up, but oh god you wish it was.

Still unmoving, you watch as guards and angry knights approach, yelling loudly.

“Hi? Heh.” You say and wave awkwardly. What were you doing?? MOVE!! RUN!! You internally yelled at your brain to make your legs function. Oh… you were so fucked. That's when everything starts to get a little too real and you are thrust into action mode. A spear heads your way, barely missing your side by a meter. Another lands right in front of you.

“HOLY SHIT! FUCK! FUCK, IM GOING, OH MY GOD-”

They had horrible aim, fortunately. Really, someone needed to improve the training for these guards and knights. THIS WAS NOT THE TIME TO REMARK ON THEIR SPEAR THROWING SKILLS!! You shook your head, jumping into action.

Your feet instantly start moving of their own accord and you continue to let out an excruciating list of curses that even a sailor would be surprised to hear. While heading past Springvale, your legs have already started failing you and as you near the Statue of The Seven near Dawn Winery, you collapse, your body screaming for a break.

Breaths come out in short pants and you lie on your back, looking at the clouds above before closing your eyes briefly. Maybe the guards were gone… and if they weren’t then… Well, you needed this break. The thought of “what if they weren’t” makes you crack one open. But it only leads you to noticing a casted shadow on the ground that wasn’t there before and you instantly get in a defensive position with your hands in front of your face.

“Stop! Don’t come closer! I.. will… punch you in the face!” You shout hesitantly towards whoever you presume is towering over you. When nothing happens, you look up confused, only to see Diluc, mirroring your own expression of confusion.

“Your grace?”

“Whoa, you are so pretty, what the fuck.” You said absentmindedly before covering your mouth with your hand. “Oh shit. I mean… uh..” You stumble over your words as you stare at the pyro vision holder in awe and then wince.

Diluc blushes lightly, and he coughs, looking away for a mere second before returning his gaze to you.

“Your Grace…” He starts to say before hearing you wince.

Frowning, he crouches down to your level to inspect you better. “Are you alright? Have you been injured?”

You flinch lightly as he gets closer and then you try to scoot backwards a bit, still suspicious of how much he is not trying to kill you. Unlike those guards that were chasing you earlier. How rude.

“I’m not going to harm you, your grace… I’m simply worried, I…”

“I’m fine.. but… didn’t you hear some news about an imposter??” You ask, cautiously waiting for his answer.

He sighs, shaking his head. He starts speaking but you end up not listening and instead simply stare at him, how he looks absolutely gorgeous and how his hair looks so pretty and soft and you almost reach your hand out to touch it. And this is when your head and memories became fuzzy.

It had become cold and wet all of a sudden?? You remember you had tried to stand up but then the ground met your face yet again, or very nearly did. And then it wasn’t really cold and wet?? You remember your legs and feet aching and then you simply became warmer?? Darkness clouded your vision soon after that. The timeline of events were very confusing to you and your poor brain was too exhausted and muddled from well, everything that had been occurring since you awoke.

Diluc looks at your unconscious form in his arms, after you previously attempted to stand. All of a sudden, he had to catch you haphazardly when you failed. He sighs, brushing some strands of your hair away from your sweaty and rain-soaked face. “Your grace..?” He calls worriedly, suddenly aware of how hot your forehead was, despite the rain cooling you down, it probably made you worse. The wine tycoon stands up, keeping you close in his arms as he hurries back to the Winery, not wanting to stay in the rain for too long, especially due to your current condition and health.

a/n: this was about 1.5k i think hehe. yes i am making a part two. hope you enjoyed whatever the hell this was hahaha.

[machine-gun-casie]

tavern music

synopsis: corpse hears tavern music coming from your room (gn!reader)

warnings: rpf, reader gets cheated on, kind of unrequited feelings, mostly hurt/comfort and physical affection tho (what im trying to say is that this is mostly self indulgent)

wc: 1.7k

a/n: havent written in a while but i found this in my arsenal, fixed it up a bit and viola. original plans for this was definitely something longer that would end with them being together but im not up for writing rn. been feeling really shitty lately and ive been needing something like this in my life. hope u guys like it ♡

He couldn’t hear it at first. His headset was on and everyone was being so loud on the discord call. When he started the stream, he really thought it was gonna be a long one. But he’s only two hours in and he’s ready to get the hell off because something was definitely wrong.

“Corpse?” His name being spoken finally broke him out of his trance, he only hummed in response. “You’ve been really quiet. Are you sure you’re up for another game?”

“Actually,” he starts as he closes a few tabs, “I think I’ve gotta go. Today was fun, though. Thanks for having me guys.”

After a chorus of ‘goodbye’s and ‘see you later’s, Corpse disconnected from the discord call. “Thank you guys for being here,” he addressed the chat, “sorry I’m ending so early today. I promise I’ll make it up to you next time. Take care of yourselves. Later.”

After hanging up his headset and getting out of the chair he’s been sitting in for far too long, Corpse made the short trek to your room. 

You had only been roommates for less than four months, but Corpse could confidently say that you have become one of his closest friends. Getting a roommate was the last resort that he never wanted to actually resort to. But alas, medical bills were piling up and youtube and music don’t make half as much money as people think they do. So cutting rent in half was the best plan he could come up with. He did have an extra guest room that no one ever stayed in. Of course having someone move into his personal space was terrifying to him. He didn’t just want to post an ad on craigslist or something. So he asked a couple trusted friends to ask a couple trusted friends… And that’s when you came in.

You were the trusted friend of a trusted friend of a trusted friend. When you met, you didn’t make a comment about his voice. Your face sure as hell showed your surprise but you didn’t say anything. To Corpse, this meant one of two things. You either knew who he was but didn’t want to freak him out, or you didn’t know about his online persona and were just genuinely shocked by his voice. It only took a few minutes of knowing you to know that it was the latter. Thank god. You were like anyone your age with social media. You had a few accounts, followed a few people, but mostly used it to stay in contact with friends. 

It only took you guys a week to realize you had way too much in common. After many a late night when he wasn’t streaming, and many an early morning when he was just done streaming, you two became inseparable. Nothing could keep you apart.

Except for one thing.

You had a boyfriend.

There was nothing wrong with your boyfriend, per se. Just the fact that he was your boyfriend and Corpse was not. 

Yeah, Corpse definitely had feelings for you. 

But right now, feelings didn’t matter when he could hear tavern music coming from your room.

He knocked lightly and pushed the door open slowly. “y/n? Can I come in?”

No response came, just sniffles and sobs. The lack of refusal on your part gave him the courage he needed to open the door wider and step into your room. He had only been in your room a couple of times since you had moved in. But he had never been in a room that gave off the feeling of a person so well.

You were curled up on your bed, facing your open laptop screen and the tavern music coming from its speakers. With every sob shaking your chest, Corpse felt his heart break. “y/n,” he murmured softly, “what’s wrong?”

“It’s not working.” Came your reply, heavy with tears. “You said it would make you feel like you're going on an adventure but I still feel like crap.”

“What happened?” Corpse asked as he sat down on your bed, facing you. You slowly sat up and crossed your legs at your ankles in front of you.

“He-” You sighed heavily. “He cheated on me.”

“What?”

“He cheated on me -has been cheating on me- with my best friend. My little brother found out.” You groaned and dramatically dropped your head onto Corpse’s thigh. His hand immediately came in contact with your cheek as he brushed a few stray tears away.

There was rarely any physical contact between you and Corpse. Sometimes you’d give him a high five, sometimes he’d give you fist bump. And there was that one time you came up behind him at the grocery store and hugged his arm to your chest. You immediately whispered something along the lines of ‘creep won’t leave me alone’ followed by a loud ‘hey babe!’

Corpse could barely admit to himself how much he liked that.

But this? This felt good. Corpse’s large warm hand on your face somehow made you want to cry more but in a good way. The tenderness with which he held your face made your heart squeeze as it remembered moments like this with your boyf- ex boyfriend. But then it remembered your brother’s words.

“Hey, what’s up?” You spoke as you answered his call. Your brother wasn’t much of a caller, so it made you worry. 

“Hey, where are you right now?”

“I’m home, why?”

“y/n… There’s something I gotta tell you.” He sighed and you could clearly hear the guilt.

“Did you break my DS!” It was your first thought as you had given it to him the last time you had seen him. “Dude! I’ve had that since I was seven!”

“No no, I called about something else.” He cut you off mid-whine. “But also I did lose the pen.” You huffed out a sigh of frustration but stayed silent so he could tell you what he wanted to tell you. “I saw your boyfriend at the park today.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “And?” How did this warrant a phone call? 

“He was with Bob.” 

When you had met your best friend, your brother was only a toddler. He had decided that her name was Bob, so it stuck. You always called her Bob, she was saved as Bob in your phone, your whole family called her Bob. But you still didn't understand. Why was he calling you to tell you that your boyfriend and your best friend were at the park? 

“Why are you calling me about this? You know that they’re friends, right?” You let out a chuckle, albeit still pretty confused. “They’re allowed to hang out without me.” 

“They weren’t hanging out.” You could hear your brother push out a strained sigh. What wasn’t he telling you? “They were making out on the swing set. As in, both of them on one swing. And I double checked, it was definitely them. I-I told mom and she said not to tell you, but I couldn’t not tell you when I’m the one who saw it!”

You couldn’t bring yourself to say a word.

“I’m sorry, y/n.”

There was no lying to yourself, you had doubts about your best friend and your boyfriend. But you constantly brushed it off. He wouldn’t hurt you like that. Hell, she couldn’t hurt like that. Not after everything you had been through together. 

But you had seen his call log by accident one time, he called her more than he did you. She face-timed him one time to ask his opinion about a dress she was going to buy while you were in the changing room. She had done a handful of things since your relationship with your boyfriend started that made you uneasy. If this was their first kiss, which was something you doubted, then they’ve both been emotionally attached to the other for far too long.

All those tender intimate moments, all those dates, throughout everything, he wasn’t faithful. Not emotionally, at least. None of those moments that you cherished meant anything to you anymore. He had played you. With none other than your best friend since middle school. You didn’t know who to be more mad at.

The thoughts of betrayal from someone who you considered a sister and the hurt of being cheated on made you nauseated.

So when the large warm hand on your face stroked your cheek again, you didn’t mind it. This was Corpse. Not your cheating boyfriend. Not your lying best friend. Corpse. And you knew that he would never hurt you.

“He’s been cheating on me for a while I think.” You mumbled against his sweatpants. “Maybe a couple months. I don’t know.” 

Corpse furrowed his brows in thought. You had told him you were going to visit your boyfriend for your one year anniversary next week. “Weren’t you go-”

“Yeah.”

“And Bob’s been your friend since-”

“Yeah.” Your chin wobbled as you answered. You brought your arms up around Corpse’s thigh and hugged it. It was a strange position, but you didn’t care. He was so warm and nice and hugging him properly required more movement on your end than you were willing to do.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Corpse sighed and reached out to untangle your arms from his leg. He gently pulled you across the few inches of bed between you and sat you in his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, immediately sobbing into his shoulder. “Do you want me to turn off the music?” You shook your head no against him and he chuckled before he solemnly sighed. “When did you find out?” 

“When I came home.”

“But you came home hours ago. Have you been in here this whole time?” You nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were streaming, didn’t wanna interrupt.” You shrugged.

“y/n,” he sighed disappointedly, “you’re my best friend. I can end a stream if you need me.”

“Okay.” Your voice, broken and weak and tired, made him feel so guilty. You had been crying your heart out for over two hours just down the hall from where he was.

He gently grabbed you by your hips and tried to push you away, but you only held on tighter and whimpered. “I just wanna get you some water.”

“I don’t want water.”

“Then what do you want?”

“You.” You whispered. “Please stay.” 

Fuck. How could he say no to that?

So he stayed.

[ellitx]

!! Long one inc with modern au college Himmel, will be hurt/comfort (might be cringe i dunno i went ham) TW: mentions of mental illnesses and self harm, mentions of injuries, and smut ye

Was a quiet rainy day as you slept, back pressed into your boyfriend's chest, you had decided to come over to watch movies and spend some time relaxing together after finals but about an hour in you let a lull like state wash over you.

"This is the only time you look so peaceful y/n.." Himmel thought, "if only you'd let your walls down a bit.. just enough to let me in.." he brushed your cheek with the back of his hand with a feather light touch on your cheek "Im so sorry that you have to carry so much weight.. I'd do anything to help wash it away or at least help lift it"

Drinking in your form as you slept softly into him, he wishes to stay like this for hours, but he knows that as soon as consciousness comes over you again, the walls will be re-built, and your shoulders will re-tense with the weight they bear. He leans in to kiss your temple and stroke your hair softly praying not to wake you

Recalling all the stories you told him, the shitty ex that was so selfish of his own desires that it implanted the idea that all intimacy was, was to please the man. Now leaving scars that you cant even take for yourself in those times even though all he wants is to please, and pour the love you desperately need into you, over and over but even a year or so into the relationship, you had only given to him.. bearly even allowing him to sheath himself in you, and thats just the tip of the iceberg " you dont even let anyone help you, but all you do is give, how much longer until you cup is empty.." He thought kissing you softly once more

"Hmm..?" You sir and turn to face him "I-i'm so sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep.." he strokes your hair again to hush you "Its okay, Im glad you were able to get some rest" he whispered kisses on the lips proper pulling you in a bit closer and letting his hands run up and down your sides. "Himmel I hope youre not upset at me.." you gripped onto his shirt a bit and buried your head in his chest "we were supposed to hangout today and I feel awful for falling asleep.." you mumbled

"Stop that now.. you were exhausted.. its really okay" he softly pulls your face up to kiss you again licking your bottom lip praying you let him in, turning you head slightly and parting your lips you let him in "Thank god at least this.." he thought as he let his toungue rub against yours while sliding his hands down your sides and slipping his finger tips under the hem of your tights.

A small flinch came from you as he did this as a bit of panic started to set in.. you were so self conscious of yourself, you didnt feel ever adequate enough even to call your self his lover or even to indulge yourself in things like this. He can feel you starting to tense up.. "Mmm.. y/n just relax love.. please.." he start trailing kisses down your neckline "H-Himmel.. I really don't know I.." tears start to well up in your eyes. He knew what was about to happen you were going to push him away and it made his heart squeeze in agony all he wanted was to give and show you love, but he didn't want to force it too much to scare you but it had been going on so long, so he tried shifting his weight to straddle you but you managed to squeeze out from underneath him.

"I-i'm sorry.. I think I should go.." you choke out, your voice shaky whilst trying to stay composed you head for the door. "Y/n Wait please!" You heaved a heavy sigh as you felt his hand catch your wrist, you try to twist out of it but he pulls you in firm but gentle.. " God y/n.. just let me in..please let me tear down those walls and let me love you.." he swallowed, his throat bobbing and icy blue eyes staring straight into yours "You can't keep pushing me out.., you won't even let me help you with anything and it hurts.. even when your sick and dead tired all you do is push me and anyone out.. saying that its alright but it's really not.." He chocked out between sobs "please y/n.. I love you.. and if you love me like you say you do then please just let me.. anyone, help you.. I cant stand to see you like this.. Ive known you for our whole lives almost and I finally have you.. and seeing you in pain from the hand you've been delt hurts more than you'd ever imagine..!

You stood frozen wet face and shaking, silently letting all the words sink in, you felt awful for doing this to him, you thought, he had been there with you through almost every step of your life, even giving you up to a man who he wasn't good to you because you said at the time because you said it was what would make you happy at the time and even now.. he'd be willing to throw everything at the wall to sew you back together, to see the smile, the true smile that he hasent seen in years.

And again all you could do is "I'm sorry Himmel you deserve someone better.. you've done so much for someone whos worth nothing.." so you get up and pull away from him once again and run out of the door into the rain but not soon after did you feel your soaked self being almost held with unwavering force "NO..! Not again.. not ever.. and plus I am not letting you leave this house in this weather I couldn't bear to see you sick from something I could prevent..!" He yells as he slung you over his shoulder carrying you back inside and into the bathroom

"Strip.. youre soaking wet.. and shaking.." he said calm but sternly ,you flushed at his command, hes usually not like this.. you thought through your tears and nervously removed your clothing as did he. You curled up to cover your naked form as he bent down placing a towel over your shoulders and held you, slowly rubbing to dry and warm you, and as soon as you were dry and coming down from your clouded tears, he helps you up off the floor draping the towel over the both of you leading to the mirror.

"Y/n.. I know when you look into this mirror you dont like what you see.. and think you dont deserve the I want to give you.. but please.." He pauses to hold your hands at your sides , to let all your beauty and all your scars, visible and unseen reflect back at you "see yourself through my eyes for just a bit my songbird.. you're not what you see.." you again begin to let tears fall and with a quiet sob "I-Im so sorry.. I do love you.. im just scared.."

"Then let me fix whats right here.." he snakes his arm around to gently rest a hand on your heart "and right here.." and his other over your womb space then lays his head on your shoulder with a kiss to the crook of your neck "Let me pull the sorrow from between your legs like silk.. knot after knot after knot.." he whispered almost pleadingly

"O-okay.." you lean into him a bit wiping your tears with the back of your hand kissing his temple. With that he gently picks you up with your legs wrapping around his waist he grips you firm and gentle untill he enters his bedroom, locking the door behind him, then setting you down on the bed not once letting go.

"Himmel.. are you sure you still..? "Shh.. please.." he kisses to hush you, then slowly trails soft sensual kisses down your body worshipping each and every inch, pouring all the love you gave him back into you trying to ignore his own arousal. Trying your best to keep still your face burned as he did this, not wanting to move and let any moans escape, you put your hand over your mouth to stifle them "no one will hear you its okay.." He said as he continues downward towards your heat "Nng.. my love I-" he felt you begin to tense up again he rubs his hands down your thighs and kisses them softly sucking and licking them "Just relax y/n.."

You breathed a shaky sigh as he spread your legs and began to slow rub at your core admiring your slick that adorned his finger tips. "Ahh..~ its a shame you've been keeping yourself from me.. your essence is divine" his hot breath so close to you it sent electricity you've never even felt before, were you even worthy of such extacy? you though stifling another moan, internally fighting the want to pull away again, if its what he wants then you shall deliver.

"Oh how Ive longed for this.. to please you, to drink in every once of you.. and to replace the pain with pleasure.." He began to lick a stripe up your slit and gently pressed his two fingers on your clit, swirling them in unison to bring you to a higher bliss "H-Himmel.. Ahh.. its so good.. Nng..!"

The heat building in you, you couldn't help but grind against him "Dont be ashamed love..~ do what mm..~ feels best for you.. dont hide your moans.. I wanna hear my pretty little song bird sing~! He saids darting this tongue deeper into you whilst grinding against the bed, he couldn't help it, its all ever dreamed of ashamedly, consuming you whole so his arousal was unmatched

Panting with heavy and louder moans you wrapped your legs around his head, letting gain more access, with him gripping onto your thighs and moaning into you, the vibrations coming from him wond you so tightly threatening to spill all over him.. so you grip his head and try to push him away "Ahh..! Im.. so close.. Himme-- Ahh!" He only grips you tighter and grinds himself harder against the sheets chasing his own release "Dont..! Aaah!! Im right there..dont push me off of you..! I love you so.. dont deny me..! Nnnng..!" And with him losing himself in you, lapping at you so desperately you come down onto him, covering him in you, with him coming in tandem..

Panting he wipes his face with the sheets "Thank you for finally letting me love you right.."

(im so sorry if this is omega long and kinda intense?? Kinda just rolling with it i have full himmel disease -💚)

ahhhh another himmel food <333 you’re feeding me so much with these sweet sweet himmel contents and i really really love it 🥺💕💕

I shall also feed you with a himmel content of my own as a thank you 😋 still working on it hehe

[quazartranslates]

Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH65

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

-----

Chapter 65: The Queen’s Inheritance (IV)

Amid the dragon’s roar, the temple of cult ceremony began to collapse, but this did not stop the battle between the dragon and the monster. The two creatures in their full forms fought in this temple, and the devastating dragon breath burned around the altar, while the monster’s tentacles clung to the body of the dragon, making it impossible to bite off its tentacles.

The monster summoned by the blood of nearly 100 people couldn't fight Ning Zhou who hadn't shown his magic dragon form yet. However, after the irradiation of that strange eyeball, the monster had evolved strangely, and it had gained the power of the Devil of Power from the empty void, which made it stronger, scarier, and more cruel than before!

Like the magic dragon, it had surpassed the half-field level. Compared to Ning Zhou, who was still suppressing his own strength and avoiding being swallowed up by the origin of destruction, the irrational monster was much more terrible. It indulged itself unscrupulously, as if it were the evil in the world itself.

In the frenzied battle, no one noticed that Qi Leren, unconscious in a pool of blood, was fighting against the bewitching influence.

"Through the evil and filthy world, your soul will reach Utopia.

"There will be no more troubles and disappointments, and your life will be immersed in endless happiness and well-being.

"Demons forget the bloodthirst and desire to kill, human beings forget selfishness and greed, and all life is treated equally in Utopia.

"There will be no more death, because the soul is immortal, and you will have eternal life.

"You will also see your love, in that immortal paradise..."

Qi Leren suddenly woke up.

His body was still numb, but his consciousness woke up.

It seemed to be a whisper or a talking voice, which was still ringing and droning like a set program, but he was awake from the trance-like state.

He had suddenly thought of his lover, who wouldn't be there—a carefree Utopia.

He would only be in hell.

If he hadn’t couldn’t see him and bring him with him, he would have stay here forever, and accept all the torture in the world like self-punishment, until the dead lake water rose over his head. He won't even struggle, just sinks to the bottom quietly.

Qi Leren woke up because he couldn't let Ning Zhou go.

Being paralyzed, he couldn't move, and it was difficult to breathe deeply. Qi Leren choked back the stiff pain, slowly moved his heavy iron hand to his chest, and slowly clenched the item [Prophet's Heart] given to him by the Prophet.

[Prophet’s Heart: A god-level item hand-made by the noble and great Prophet that can make you feel the pleasure of turning into a bird. Holders can summon an archangel to come and fight on their behalf for 3 minutes with a cooling time of 24 hours.]

The battle between the magic dragon and the monster has been heated up, and the eyeball suspended in the air had continuously strengthened the monster’s power, making it quickly recover its damaged limbs, while the magic dragon has gradually liberated his own strength, and had become increasingly violent and crazy dominated by force of destruction. Under the imposing manner of the Destroyer, even such a horrible monster cannot take the upper hand.

The passerby—the initiator of this chaos—had stepped back a little, and retreated to a safe distance.

At this moment, he should be glad he hadn't gotten involved. The strength of this monster itself was about a half-field, and he could cope with it and experience a pleasant battle. However, when the strange eyeball of the master with an unknown field level had begun to interfere with the ceremony, the monster was itself strengthened to a level close to the field level.

Hmm..... Which Devil King was it?

Having entered the Nightmare Game little more than two months ago, the passerby who was confused about the power system and loyalty factions here scratched his hair and prepared to leave after watching the drama.

Although challenging a master made him happy, and he was willing to pay for it with his life, when he came to this world, he found that it was not an end wall but an amazing new world before him. He rekindled the enthusiasm of picking up the tangdao for the first time and couldn't wait to join the new world.

But not now.

The passerby reluctantly glanced at the chaotic scene and left the chaos behind.

The battle between the magic dragon and the monster became more and more fierce, and the temple became a huge colosseum. Under the duel between two monsters like ancient giants, it was as fragile as a sand castle on the beach. The force of destruction flooded Ning Zhou's reason, and the origin’s sin burning in the blood was imprinted in his soul. He suddenly forgot himself, but was immersed in the power of absolute purity and absolute terror. Until...

The twilit light of Heaven appeared in this sinful ceremony.

Qi Leren, who struggled to hold the Prophet's Heart, took a deep breath and activated the item.

In an instant, the power of the Village of Dusk’s holder ran through the boundless space and pierced the blockade of one and a half fields, falling from the sky, dispelling the bewitching power in Qi Leren's mind, and making him wake instantly.

At the same time, the pure power washed away his consciousness. He flew lightly, and his white wings slowly stretched behind him. Behind him was the Kingdom of Heaven reflected in the dusk, flowers, rites and music, angels… Everything was so holy and beautiful and desirable.

In this pure beauty, the demagogic Utopia seemed to be exposed to strong light, revealing its inner ferocious horror. It had never been a pure land on earth, but a world dominated by the Lord of Power. Walking into Utopia was like walking into a hell under high pressure. All of the self was stripped away, leaving only the dead bodies of human beings and demons, and the instructions of the Lord of Power were uniformly executed.

Under the holy light, the gloomy and evil atmosphere in the temple in the lake faded. What was even more amazing was that the dead bodies all over the ground turned into the soil and flowers under the magic of time, and white flowers blossomed from the blood, swaying in the Kingdom of Heaven at dusk like a dream.

The meat monster let out a piercing howl, black blood erupted from its eyes, and the black dragon took this opportunity to maintain its momentum. The flames of destruction erupted from his mouth, burning the struggling monster to ashes.

"...Prophet, what are you doing here again?" In the Village of Dawn, the Lord of Power felt the abnormality in the ceremony and sighed faintly. With her sigh, the huge eyeball suspended over the ceremony, watching everything, slowly rotated and made a sound.

The holy angel who smiled in the clean white flowers stared at her: "Little girl, your hand stretched too far."

The voice was the voice of Qi Leren, but the speaker was not him, but the Prophet in the underground ice palace in the Village of Dusk. Through Qi Leren's body, he warned the Devil of Power who was observing here and tried to intervene.

"Has it? I don't think so. But since you’ve spoken to me in person, let's call it a day. I have another thing left with you, and I will ask for it when I have time." From the huge eyeball, a buzzing inhuman sound echoed in this building.

"I'm waiting for you," said the holy angel.

The eyeball in the void disappeared, and the consciousness attached to Qi Leren left. Before leaving, he said one sentence to him: "The Illusionist is in the Dragon Ant Queen’s royal palace, and my letter is on the way, so I’ll ask this of you and Ning Zhou."

The Prophet's consciousness dissipated, and Qi Leren was still standing on the ground, with white flowers under his feet. The mechanical clock behind him had not finished three turns, so this power that did not belong to him had not disappeared.

He looked up at the magic dragon standing on the altar, and the magic dragon also stared at him. There was no dried blood on his body and claws, no evidence of his fight against evil and his downfall.

There was a lonely longing in the dragon’s eyes, and it was like a gentle sadness.

Ning Zhou understood his own destiny. Just like every powerful person, the process of becoming stronger was the process of constantly moving closer to his own original force. One day, he would forget himself, his love, how much he loved the world, and indulge himself and destroy everything under the influence of this original force.

No matter how hard he tried to restrain himself and convince himself to persist for the person he loves, he couldn’t deceive his own strength. When he had fought with the monster, he had clearly felt that he was falling. This kind of degradation was a kind of pleasure, and he didn't need to make any effort. As long as he emptied his brain, the strength in his blood would emerge continuously, making him stronger and destroying his enemies.

But when the pool of blood turned into a sea of flowers, and his lover stood in front of him in the form of an angel and looked at him, he felt sincere shame and fear for his weak compromise to strength.

He was afraid that one day he would hurt Qi Leren and the world.

"Ning Zhou." Qi Leren went up the stairs and came to the dragon.

Compared to the huge body of the dragon, he was like a pocket-sized toy. If the dragon's foot even patted him gently, he would be crushed into a pile of meat. This size gap even scared Qi Leren, but he still wanted to believe that he wouldn't hurt him, insisting that the black dragon in front of him is still Ning Zhou.

The dragon closed its eyes, lowered its head slowly, and put it in front of him.

Just like it did in the lake of fire in Purgatory.

It was willing to bow to its beloved and let him comfort its body and soul with his hands.

"It's all right, it's all right..." Qi Leren murmured. The power borrowed from the Prophet had expired, the reflection of Heaven disappeared, his wings disappeared, and so did the intoxicating power. But his calming power still affected the dragon.

So the dragon gradually calmed down, and the force of destruction receded from his body, and he changed from magic dragon to human.

Qi Leren took his hand and looked at him, but his blue eyes that had always been firm avoided his sight.

This was an obviously weak and hesitant attitude, and Qi Leren certainly knew what it’s cause was. Because Ning Zhou had gotten stuck in that dead end again, the dead end that he almost killed himself because of.

He still couldn't accept a self who was a Devil, and was constantly sinking. Even if he was just doing justice as a Devil, it still caused him pain. Because at the end of this road to power, he was destined to become lost like every powerful person.

This was not something that the human will could contend with.

Qi Leren's heart was full of love that he didn’t know how to express, so he stood on tiptoe and left a comforting kiss on Ning Zhou's lips, tender and touching.

He was willing to burn himself with all his strength, as long as he could make Ning Zhou on the edge of hell feel the warmth of the world.

"I once told you, but now I have to say it again: your force has nothing to do with good and evil, and you have never fallen." Qi Leren clasped Ning Zhou's hand and repeated this sentence again.

Ning Zhou slowly rested his forehead against Qi Leren’s, relaxed his stiff body, and closed his eyes.

He wanted to hold this person tight, because this was his last salvation in the world.

-----

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[kurohoely]

more (kuroo x y/n)

here's my first random mini drabble, self-indulgent kuroo fic because i can :) twitter saw it first but reduce, reuse, recycle am i right :'D

genre: hurt/comfort, fluff if you look respectfully

wc: 866

You and Kuroo were both in your junior year in college, the point where your assignments are piling up and harder but you didn’t have any special treatment because you were in the ‘middle’. Everything needs to be done during this year before its too late after graduating.

There are bad days for sure but having them back to back two weeks straight is just inhumane. You need a break this time. You forgot to save your report after fixing it. You dropped your bubble tea right in front of the shop. Your groupmate decided to bail on the project.

You had enough. You just can’t handle this anymore. The fatigue kept building up and today it reached its breaking point. You grabbed your keys and walked to your shared apartment as fast as you could.

“Fuck it. I’m just gonna go to bed”

As soon as you arrived in your apartment, you thought Kuroo would be here, greeting you as always. But he wasn’t. Your shoulders dropped and you stashed your keys into the wooden paw bowl. You sigh, dragging your feet into the bedroom.

The bed never looked more warm as ever. A place that was so intimate, a small world that was built within the four walls with your other half. Your cheeks dampen without you realizing it.

“Ah shit”

You climbed on your side of the bed, hugging Kuroo’s pillow tightly. You cried. You law down and cried. What else can you do. You felt as if you weren’t good enough for your major and even more so feeling that you will have to retake the classes. Why was the world hate seeing you having a little control over your own life?

You grabbed your phone with the last bit of your energy and texted Kuroo.

“im tired”

Sent. The last bit depleted just as you hit send. Kuroo was struggling to understand why was his Nutrition mid term got some missed mark when he thought it was perfect? This isn't fair.

After staying back for office hours with the TA, he finally saw your text. His heart drops and cold sweats started dripping.

“Hey bub, you okay? I’m coming home rn”

No reply. He waited for a few more minutes before texting you another on the bus.

“Hey. Did you have a bad day?”

“You’re not talking about me right? I’m sorry ik ive been busy but its mid terms week so yknow how it is right”

Nothing. Not even read by you. He didn’t think much. His ride home was silent but only god knows the chaos inside his mind right now.

He was grateful at least to see your shoes on the floor. At least he knows you’re home, safe. He called out your name but didn’t heard a reply so he thought that maybe you were in the shower.

As soon as he opened the door, he could hear his world and future cracked. Near to shattering when he saw you curled up, hugging tightly onto his pillow with a wet stain on it. The view somehow convinced him that he IS the reason for the text. He drops everything and slowly climbed to the bed. Softly, pulling your body into his laps, resting your head on his chest. He hugged you tightly, firmly as if you it was the last thing he’ll ever do with you. His warmth was home but his heartbeat was thumping. Hard. You woke up as he tugged you.

“Hey bub are youー”

“Please. I’ll fix anything. Don’t leave me”

The hug tightens more.

“Hey baby? What are you talking about? You don’t have to fix anything and I’m not going to leave you. What made you to have these thoughts? Did I do something wrong?”

He shook his heads but his body was still trembling out of anxiety.

“Your text”

You grabbed your phone and saw ‘17 missed calls and 9 new messages from Kuroo bub <3'

Your eyes widen but then soften. You understood why he was acting like this.

“Hey baby, look at me”

You cupped his cheeks and gently thumbing his cheekbones. You gave your earnest smile.

“I was having the worst day. I cried my eyes out when I saw the bed and how I missed you so much for this past week. We’ve been busy with assignments and everything that we barely have time for each other. My fatigue was building up and it broke today. I’m sorry to have you hanging like that. It must be so scary right? But I’m here now bub. Okay?”

“I thought you were tired of me for not making you my priority. I was so scared that our home was going to break because of me. My own lack ofー”

You kissed his lips gently before he could even finish. Kuroo has always been the teaser in your dynamic but when things get serious, he became quiet and uses less word. Cautious because he knows words weigh more in these situations.

“Do you wanna cook dinner with me? All of the crying is making meー”

Kuroo’s stomach cuts you.

“Shut up”

You both giggled and walk into the kitchen, scavenging whatever is left. You both looked at each other.

“Let's just have takeout, how's that sound?”

Yeah, we’ll be okay

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

teashop zukka au??????????

Okay you might have meant a modern AU but I wanna do a Li and the Gaang meet up at the teashop sorta thing so... trust me, I'll make a modern AU one, but tonight I'm makin something self indulgent

👁👄👁 here we go

"Hi, thank you for dining with us, how can I- oh..." when Zuko looked up from his notepad he saw the group he'd previously been chasing sitting at the table "well, uh, nice to see you here... uh, names Li by the way, what can I get you to drink?"

Katara glared at him "Zu-!"

"Nope, Li."

"Alright.. fine.. Li, what are you doing here?"

"Im working, Ive been in the city for about a month now since we're on the run from the firenation" Zuko shrugged "Its been different thats for sure, uhm, I freed your bison by the way, but thats not important right now, what would you like to drink today?"

Sokka looked at Aang and then at Katara who looked at Toph then at Zuko "uh, I'll have a Chai please.. and... what would you recommend with that?"

"Oh! Uh, I'd definitely suggest the PolarBerry tarts with that one, its served with a chocolate drizzle so its a nice compliment" he then turned to Toph who didn't look at him

"Ginger tea, with a bowl of rice please" she paused "oh and tell your uncle to add more honey than last time"

"Will do- wait last time?" Zuko gave a confused look

"Yeah, I can tell its him back in the kitchen, we talked a while ago and he made me tea, just tell him its for the blind girl he helped while talking about you and he'll know its me"

Zuko cleared his throat and blushed "right, okay" he then turned to Aang who gave a cheeky grin "and you?"

"Jasmine please, and nothing else"

"Right, and you?" Zuko turned to Sokka and froze for a second at the look he was getting. Blue eyes trailing from his feet all the way back to his eyes with a smirk.

"I'll have a nice hot cup of Li tea, with a steaming side of Zuko fruit tarts"

Zuko sputtered and broke the small pencil he had in his hand in half. "I'm sorry what?"

"You heard me"

"Sokka oh my gods you can't just say that!" Katara scolded while Aang and Toph snickered to eachother

"And why not? I can flirt with the enemy if you can" Sokka said with a huff and then rolled his eyss "at least my choice is actually hot"

Katara made an insulted gasp "excuse me! Jet was in fact very hot... at the time"

"Wait... you dated Jet too?" Zuko asked with a still very flustered expression

"Yeah- wait what?"

"Okay, look, I get off in like three hours, can we meet up and talk then? I have other customers to get to"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, you have alot of explaining to do mister!"

"Oh, I'm sure I do, I'll get your order in. It should be done soon"

After putting in the order, with an improvised order for Sokka since he didnt give an actual order he went to check on the other tables one of which having Jin and Jet sitting at "youll never guess who's here"

"Who? The avatar?" Jet said sarcastically

"Yes actually..." he paused "meet me outside the shop after my shift. The both of you"

And so they did, the Gaang met up with Zuko Jet and Jin three hours later. Of course Zuko and Jin defending Jet from Katara with him explaining what he's been doing in the city. Which was at this point living with Zuko and Iroh which he lovingly referred to as Li and Mushi regardless of him knowing their actual names or not. Y'know a boy has your back when he keeps up with code names all the time.

By the time the night was over Zuko joined the Gaang, and Sokka of course made sure he knew the flirting was in fact not a joke by dragging him out to the porch when the moon was high in the sky.

"What did you drag me out here for?" Zuko huffed

"Look up there, what do you see?"

Confused Zuko looked up to the full moon in the sky "The moon?"

"Exactly, isn't she gorgeous?"

"She?" Zuko asked while leaning on the porch railing with his elbows watching cautiously as Sokka did the same.

"Yeah... she" Sokka sighed "that night at the northpole, I was supposed to protect princess Yue, but since she had been saved by the moon spirit as a baby, when the moon spirit died she gave the life back." He turned to Zuko "she became the moon spirit Zuko, I felt her die in my arms and then watched her become the moon"

"Oh" Zuko whispered and turned to look back at the moon "I didnt know she was the one to save the spirit, Im sorry"

"But you wanna know something about her being the moon now?" Sokka watched with careful blue eyes as Zuko gazed up at the moon

"What?" Amber eyes met blue one as Zuko turned back.

"Sometimes when I need to get things off my chest, I talk to her at night, I dont know if she can hear me or not but I know she's there." Sokka gave a small smile.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, and sometimes, when I want to make sure I've made the right decision, I'll go to her for figurative advice. And she's siding with me this time" Sokka moved his hand to Zuko's and took hold of it

"What is she.. siding with you-!" Zuko didnt manage to finish the sentence when Sokka crashed their lips together. It took a second for him to register what happened before he melted into the kiss only to have it taken from him when Sokka pulled back, snickering when Zuko followed his movements in hopes to continue the short lived connection. Seeing the grin on Sokka's face Zuko flushed "Oh..." Was all he managed to whisper out before they were interrupted by an irritated Katara clearing her throat from the doorway.

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[staarshines]

poe and enemies to lovers you say,,, *sips coffee* tell me more mayhaps?

well yes of course 👁 

so i see myself as a sith in the star wars universe but like- not necessarily a bad one ? but not necessarily a good one ? my friend the other day told me i would be the boba fett version of a sith (aka i would have my own strong moral compass) and that kinda felt right so that’s what we’ll go with. the childhood best friends to enemies to lovers is how i imagine my meeting/life with poe would go (hello self-indulgent coping mechanisms). ANYWAYS.

watch none of this make any sense

childhood best friends to enemies to lovers - growing up on yavin iv with poe and literally being the closest you could possibly be to anyone. both your families are/were members of the resistance and are very close to leia (you two literally call her mom 😭) - she senses how strong you are with the force from a young age but decides to keep the information to herself for the time being. flash forward to poe being an idiot and running off to kijimi to be a spice runner - obviously you go after his ass but instead of bringing him back like you planned, you’re captured by the first order. in my fictional reality vader is still alive and he’s the one who offers to take me under his wing but if you like need ✨ some consistency with canon ✨ then you can say snoke. so he offers to teach you the ways of the force because he senses that you’re strong with it, and your curiosity gets the best of you. everyone thinks you’ve simply disappeared. poe comes back home and blames himself for your disappearance. cue flight academy and beebs and then switching over to the resistance - poe realizes he never told leia about you and thinks she doesn’t know, but she obviously does. when he asks her how she confesses that she felt the force within you when you were probably a toddler and he lowkey gets mad because maybe if i knew i would’ve been able to save them from the order. little does he know that you’re getting stronger and stronger with the dark side of the force each and every day - they don’t have you in captivity or anything. he is extremely relieved to know you’re not dead, though. fast fwd - some sort of battle or something, i’m not sure, but poe is down on the ground and you’re ordering your own legion of stormtroopers around. he comes across you and he just freezes because oh my god- is that really them? and you can sense someone stalking so cue an epic scene of you igniting your red saber. his heart stops and you two lock eyes as you turn around and your resolve falters because oh my god, it’s poe. now, this idiot starts to walk towards you which kind of makes you go ??? because who in their right mind walks toward a sith? with an ignited saber? and he stops a few feet in front of you and just really softly says your name and goes “what happened to you?” and you sternly go “i figured out what the right side of the war was.” so coldly that you even scare yourself saying it. and he kind of says it with a crack in his voice while raising his blaster: “don’t make me do this.” the moment you see his finger twitch you simply swing your wrist so that your saber comes up to your body and deflects the blast - it’s a stun blast that ends up hitting him instead. some troopers rush forward to pick him up but you motion them to stop and just let them leave him there and leave the area with your legion. he wakes up a few hours later, alone and disoriented. he eventually gets back to base and tells leia what happened - she’s as confused as he is because why the hell did you show him mercy when you could’ve brought him back or even killed him? fast forward to another battle but this time you lose hold of your saber/don’t have it and only have a blaster - a blaster fight with poe ensues. eventually you back him into a cave and you have him at your mercy one more time, cue the entire “the resistance will not be intimidated by you.” line and then ? “why would we be intimidated by them?” and the way his jaw fucking drops. you leave him with a “tell leia i know what i’m doing.” and get back to the dreadnought. you really don’t know what you’re doing - you just have a hazy sense of direction - but that’s beside the point. 

honestly that’s all i’ve planned out and my brain is going a hundred miles an hour so if you want the rest of it i could come up with something *coughs* duel with vader *coughs*

enemies to lovers - i’m actually fleshing this one out so i can write it very soon so all i’m gonna say is, ahem, crashed first order pilot that the resistance takes as hostage for intel. that’s all :)

[feel199x]

TO PROTECT OUR DISTRICT - CH. XV

SALT WATER WOUNDS & QUESTIONS GOD CAN’T ANSWER

I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII XIV XV XVI

MASTERLIST

ceo!hwang hyunjin, mafia!au, mafia boss!hwang hyunjin

summary: take a shot of water every time you read kiss 

warnings: nightmares, gun use, general mafia shenanigans

 The air had grown humid. Your hair, still damp, stuck to your skin. The taste of sea salt burned your lungs, and sat deep on your tongue. The cement did not grow warm, or softer the longer you laid on it, staring at the sky. You were aware of how awkward and strange you must’ve looked, but you couldn’t make yourself care. The sky above was a sad, sagging shade of gray. What could be done? What could be said? You watched lightning tear the clouds in light, enveloping your vision, like you had swallowed it. Lightning always made you feel like anything was possible, another state of matter all on it’s own. Not solid, not liquid, not gas, not quite. You would forget to breathe, suddenly gasping for breath as the rain continued to drop.

 You sat up, staring at the cracks in the cement, where sprouts sat. You toyed with the small leaves, bent due to the large drops of water. You wonder if the earth ever knew of indulgence, ever understood what too much was. 

 You stood finally, everything seeming to stick to you. Your clothes, your hair, impossibly clinging to you. Another flash of lightning swallowed you up. You looked at Yugyeom, who was looking at you. 

 You think you love him.

 And you pray, you pray that you cannot love too much, as the earth never seems to overwater herself. 

 And wouldn’t you ruin it all by saying it out loud?

 He looked so pretty- so, so pretty. You were beginning to see him in a different light, that much you were aware of. You looked at him, looking at you. There was no way in the world he felt as strongly for you as you did for him. But here he was. He had rescued you. 

 It didn’t make sense.

 Maybe he was working for Sir Hwang.

 A pang of paranoia hit you, sobered you almost, or drunked you. He was good to you. Yugyeom wouldn’t- no he couldn’t hurt you. He would never, right?

 Right?

 He kept looking intently at you. His gaze soft, and kind. He would never. He could never. Yugyeom was different. And sure, you don’t know that many boys, haven’t had that many relationships with boys, but he’s different. You feel it. 

 “Yugyeom,” your voice trailed off, “Would you-,” your voice cracked like glass, “would you turn me into him?”

 Yugyeom looked like he was going to burst into tears at the mere implication and suggestion. “God,” he cried, “god, no. No, _____. You mean so much to me- so, so much. I-,” he stopped himself, “you’re just so important. So important to me. You have no idea. I will meet you in every single lifetime. I will find you. We will find each other. You’ve changed my life. I will follow you to the ends of the earth.”

“I,” you couldn’t bring yourself to say it. You hadn’t known him for long. Could you say something like that, could you say it now? Better yet- would you? “Yugyeom. You will fill my heart for eons.”

 Yugyeom stood, and embraced you again. Smelling like salt. Like water. Like lightning. Like everything you loved and ignored, every delicate part of yourself that you repress. He didn’t care that you just took a swim in the middle of the storm and smelled like raging waters, he kissed your temple, and your cheek, and trailed down your jaw and pulled you into a fiery kiss. 

 And then he let you sit in the warmth of his chest. And he felt like a comfort you hadn’t known in a really long time. 

 But was it long enough? Since Hyunjin?

 You didn’t want to think about it.

 You looked over. Shifting your weight on either foot, and then, you noticed something. A car. A dingy car, a worn and aging car. But there was something. The tinted windows, the grips on the wheels. How shiny and fresh the rims looked. Before you could think, your fist was through the window, on his hair and pulling his head out the window. 

 “What the fuck are you doing here?”

 Jisung gasped, wiping the dripping blood off his chin. You grabbed a fistful of his hair, and he shouted, “Shit, give me a chance to explain, okay?”

 You let go, using the last of your self control to muster up some restraint. “Be my fucking guest.”

 “Sir Hwang, he- shit,” he wiped his nose again, “god, you punch hard.”

 “Get to the point Han, he what? Ordered you to watch me?”

 “Yes, but, I’m on your side.”

 You gave him a breathless laugh. “You honest to god expect me to believe that? Do you think that I’m that stupid? If you’ve told hat son of a bitch anything, fuck, Jisung, I swear I’ll kill you. And I won’t even think-.”

 “I know that you tried to kill yourself. And that Yugyeom stopped you. But Sir Hwang, he doesn’t. I just told him you’ve been losing your mind over killing someone. Some of it’s true.”

 The anger bubbled inside of you, the blood inside of your veins hot and burning. You started to breathe hard, your vision getting dizzy. It was too much. You didn’t want to talk about it. And you hated, you absolutely despised the idea that someone else, someone you didn’t choose, knew about what you were going through.

 “______, listen,” Jisung’s voice softened, “you’ve been going through a hard time. This, this is my way of helping you.”

 “What else do you know?”

“Nothing. I was assigned shortly after your assassination mission.”

 “I don’t believe you.”

 “I know. But you’re gonna have to trust me, we’re family.”

  Yugyeom had made his way to the behind of the car, hand on his hip, looking at you. You shook your head slightly, not moving your gaze from Jisung. You hadn’t even noticed him. 

 “You have all the reason to turn me in. Get a shiny golden star from Sir Hwang. Earn trust.”

 “You’re right. But, you and I, ____, we’re different. I want a life outside of here. I don’t,” his voice cracked, “I don’t want to hurt people anymore.”

 “I don’t want to see you ever again. This never happened, Jisung. Never.”

  “Listen to me, ____, listen,” Jisung got up, and opened the car door, and instinctively your hands flew to your hip, and you watched Yugyeom point the gun at him, “I am on your side. I don’t know what I can do to prove it to you.”

 “Just leave, Jisung. Leave. Forget about me, forget about this. Stop following me.”

 “I can’t.”

 “Because he won’t let you.”

  Jisung gave you a bitter smile. “I know my limits.”

 “Limits only exist if you give them to yourself.”

 “That is exactly where we differ. But that’s why I need you.” Jisung sighed, sitting back in the driver’s seat, “But, I’ll do you one better. I’ll do anything you ask me to do,” he paused and gave you a pointed look, “within reason, of course.” 

 “I’ll think about it.” you paused, breathing in, “But for right now, I want you to leave. ” 

 The car drove off, and you watched. Yugyeom got up from his squatting position. He put his hand on your shoulder and rubbed the tension out. He turned to you, moving his hand to the nape of your neck, “Let’s get you warm, yeah?”

 “Yeah, we have work to do.”

 “Or,” Yugyeom dragged his r’s, “we could get some take out and watch a movie?”

 You smiled at him, and put your hand on his chest. “You’re hot, but not that hot.”

  Yugyeom scoffed, “Please, I’m temptation incarnate.”

  You snorted. “You’re so stupid.

 “Well, you kissed me, so what does that say about you?”

 “Hm,” you sighed, “I guess we’re both pretty dumb.”

 “Nah, you’re pretty dumb. I’m here with you. I tricked you somehow, and that’s my life’s work.”

 You didn’t think twice- you’re not sure you even thought about it. Just watching him talk, staring at his lips, all you could do was lean in to kiss him. Yugyeom slid his hands to your waist, pulling you closer against him. He felt warm against you, stilling the slight tremble you had from the cold. He eased into the kiss, almost like he had initiated it. You backed up suddenly, feeling insecure. 

 “I’m sorry,” you blurted, “I’m sorry for that, for everything.” 

  Yugyeom didn’t move, but instead pressed his forehead against yours, wrapped his arms tighter around your waist. “Don’t. I like, I love, kissing you. Being around you. I’m glad we met, despite the circumstances.”

 You wrapped your arms around his neck, and then buried your head in his chest. “I want to go home,” you murmured, “I want to leave, run, go away.”

 He held tightly to you, putting his head on top of yours, “We could, but I don’t think that’s what you want, is it?”

 You sighed, “I don’t know.”

 The sky remained dark, the clouds and angry shade of gray. The downpour began to lessen, but drizzled here and there, increasing in intensity every once in a while. You and Yugyeom sat in the backseat of the car for a while, listening to the soft sound of the rain. Despite the small space, you laid on top of Yugyeom, resting your head on his shoulders as he hummed quietly. 

 There was a quiet conversation, about simple, little things. Childhood stories. Yugyeom told more stories about his friends.

 “There was one time,” Yugyeom retold, “I wanted to see how many pizzas I could eat before I got sick. So, when I was closing one night, and everyone left, I ate as many as I could. I ate six full pizzas in one go. Took me three hours. I felt so sick. My dad found me the next day on the floor, clutching my stomach.”

 “Did you throw up?”

 “Yes. So much. You have no idea. I felt like pizza grease.”

 “You terrify me, ‘gyeom. That’s absolutely beastly.”

 “I am indeed a force to be reckoned with.”

 You laughed, “You’re as soft as a marshmallow, ‘gyeom, don’t lie.”

 He tilted your face up, holding your chin between his pointer finger and thumb, pressing soft kisses onto you, deepening exponentially. 

 “What if,” you murmured, “you went in and saw your dad? Would that…,” your voice trailed, “would it be selfish?”

 You would give anything to see your parents again. And you hoped, in the most fantastical of fantasies, if they could give you one last hug, that they would. 

 “God,” Yugyeom’s voice cracked, “I would. But it’s too dangerous. And it would only put me in danger. It would put you- put us- in danger.”

 You looked up at him with teary eyes, “We can come back. When things are okay. And you’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

 “Yeah. We’ll be okay.” He kissed you again, a sort of sad, nostalgia sitting as a taste on his tongue.

  You pulled away and Yugyeom pouted, leaning in for another kiss, “One more,” you stated, “and we need to get going.”

 “Or,” Yugyeom held down your waist, “we could wait the storm out. Kiss a little more…”

 “You have an obsession, ‘gyeom.”

 “More like an addiction,” he pressed your lips against yours, “but I am also so obsessed.”

 You shook your head, giving him one last kiss, “Ten minutes.”

 “Two hours.”

 “Thirty minutes.”

 “Two hours and forty minutes.”

 You raised your eyebrows, “An hour.”

 “Two and a half hours.”

 “Fine!”

 Yugyeom smiled, “I win,” his grip tightened around your waist as he sat himself up against the car door. He stared at you wordlessly, watching you with a quiet smile on his face. “Have I ever told you how pretty you are? How smart? How bad ass?”

 “Only every second of your existence, ‘gyeom.”

 “Well, you’re pretty. And smart. And so badass. I just thought I’d remind you.”

  Yugyeom drove later that night. It was so serene, a peace different than you were used to. It was lovely, watching as he drove over a bridge and you could see all the stars reflecting on the lake. The drive was pleasant. Your mind was kept busy by Yugyeom’s rambling, and you were thankful for it. Otherwise, you would’ve lost your mind.

 Or what’s left of it.

 Work the next morning was spent with wistful gazes from Hyunjin, and little notes of encouragement that he would send you. Whenever you would leave your desk, for one reason or another, he would leave sticky notes with doodles or a daisy. He was just trying to make you smile, but guilt was stirring inside of you.

 But you had things to do. Things that were bigger than this. Than him. Than Yugyeom. Than you. At least that’s what you were going to tell yourself until you were forced to make a decision. 

 But what was exciting was the detour you took after work. 

“Yeji Hwang,” you said loudly, smiling at her as you stopped her in the middle of the sidewalk, “Could you spare a moment of your time?

Yeji scrunched her eyebrows. “Do I know you?”

 “No, not at all.”

 Yeji scoffed, “Weird ass,” she turned and started to walk away.

 “But I take it you know Sir Hwang? And perhaps his son, Hyunjin?”

 Yeji turned on her heels, clutching her bag and you watched as she walked back, her high ponytail swinging and bouncing as she made her steps forward. “Why didn’t you start with that?”

 You smiled, “You didn’t give me the chance to speak.”

 She tapped her foot impatiently, holding on to her clutch bag, “You’re not the guy they usually send.”

 “Change of plans. Coffee?”

 She eyed you carefully, and you knew exactly the look. She was trying to figure you out. You kept your face slightly blank, a polite smile and crinkled eyes. Not finding anything that seemed awry, she nodded.

 “Coffee sounds good.”

 You opened the cafe’s door, letting Yeji step inside first. Yeji set her bag on the chair, the premium leather and pearl strings shining in the cafe light. Resting your chin on the bridge of your hands, you tilted your head and looked at Yeji.

 “You’re a cop. But you cover for us. Isn’t that slightly immoral?”

 “What’s that supposed to mean? Look, if you’re from internal affairs-,”

 You shook your head, lifting your hair, and showing her the nape of your neck. “I’m not from internal affairs. Just making small talk is all.”

 She glared at you, but smiled sweetly at the waiter who came to take the order. “I’d like an americano and your most expensive piece of cake.”

 You looked up at the waiter, “A latte please, and I’ll have the same cake.” 

 Yeji raised her eyebrows, and crossed her legs, “What’re you here for?” 

 “To make a deal.”

 “Care to elaborate?”

 You laughed, “See, you’re a cop, but a dirty one. I need you to assist me with something, I need you,” you paused, “to turn against Sir Hwang.”

She got up, the chair scraping against the floor. “Fuck you.”

You got up, poised, with your hands folded, “You could become a scandal real quick. All of the nation knowing that you cleared up the tracks of a gang- you know it would never get out that the Hwangs are a mafia? And that you did it for money? Better yet, do you think I don’t know about your father?”

 Yeji poked the inside of her cheek with her tongue. She pursed her lips and sat back down, the bag slamming down on the floor. A few moments of silence was shared by the both of you. You wanted it to sink in, to make it uncomfortable. You stared at her, blinking slowly, letting her know that you were watching her. 

 “I could leave. Tell Sir Hwang about some bitch trying to get me to go rogue.”

 You slid out your phone, letting the audio of your conversation play. “And I could go to the press with this. And the police. You think Sir Hwang is gonna associate with you after that? You think that any of the police, the press could come close to him?” you paused, “Hero cop, Hwang Yeji, turns out to be dirty. Accepting money from local gangs. You would never win.”

 You smiled at the waiter as he came and dropped off the cakes and coffee. 

 “You started out so noble, wanting money for your father, help him recover from cancer. And then Sir Hwang comes in with the offer of a lifetime, save your father and live comfortably? Who wouldn’t take that deal? But you think the press is gonna understand that? The nation will vilify you, Yeji. You’ll rot in prison, and your dad will die, and you will have no one.”

 You took a sip from your latte, and smiled, “Absolutely no one. Maybe the loneliness will get to you and you’ll hang yourself with your bedsheet.”

 “I’ll do it. Just,” her voice cracked, “stop talking, please.”

 “Pleasure doing business with you.”

 You got up, and pushed your cake towards her. “I’ll keep in touch. See you soon.”

 And she let you, didn’t even look up to watch you stride away, just stared into the coffee mug and listened to the sound of your heels clicking against the floor all the way ‘til the door. She continued staring into her cup, as you glanced at her through the cafe’s window.

 You never said you wouldn’t play dirty.

 But that didn’t mean you felt awful.

 Absolutely awful. You stared at yourself in the mirror, pulling your hair back, inching forward then backward. You were a bad person. You were turning into Sir Hwang, you were just the same. You looked at the fading scar you had, remembering his fingers, the coldness of the water. You could hear the heavy quietness, the stillness of the water. Breathing hard, you clutched your head, and dropped to the floor. It was becoming more of a routine. You, on the floor, crying, and Yugyeom comes in, picking you up and humming a song for you to calm down. 

 You don’t know why he put up with you. Good must outweigh the bad, you suppose, but you weren’t even sure about that.

 Does he pity you?

 Does he feel bad for you?

 Is he working for Sir Hwang?

 Sleep. That’s what you needed. You would get some sleep and it would be okay. You smiled- because you were good at pretending, you were the best at pretending. 

 Things were gonna be okay.

 You snuggled into Yugyeom’s warmth- closing your eyes. His heartbeat was like the background instrumentals, the chorus, and the melodies of your favorite song. It was like choir singing. Powerful and soft, warm but loud. He was comfort. 

  Another nightmare. Your mother, a necklace of rope dangling down her body and pooling at her feet. She held dried roses, and a pungent smell enveloped you. Rot, over ripe and dry. A riot of rot. You started to fall through the earth suddenly, in cold ocean water, the salt flooding and burning up your nose. You looked down, the green of earth staring back up at you. Your mind spun, the world upside down, the sky bleeding blue, water surrounding the earth. You clawed at your throat, staring into the blinding light that swallowed you up, you were drowning, drowning and no one was around to help you. And as soon as you embraced the idea of death, the ocean sky spat you down, back to reality, back to earth, in the midst of a field. Yeji stood at the end of the field, and you ran, the grass scratching your feet, the salt water dew browning the green. Almost, you were almost there, until you slammed against a mirror, shattering, the glass cutting you up as you screamed, the sound of crackling glass so much louder than you could ever be. A gun sat in your lap, as you sat in the shards of glass, and you then you were watching yourself. You watched, as your doppelganger watched too. Both of you raised your deep sea, black shaded guns, and then all you saw was red. And then nothing.

 You screamed as you were awake, kept screaming, even as Yugyeom held you and rocked you. You thrashed, crying and crying until you couldn’t, falling limp like a ragdoll. 

  It had been hours. 

 Yugyeom was asleep, clinging to you. He fell asleep long ago. You stared at the ceiling, a faint haunting echo in your ears. You felt like you were spiraling out of control. You slipped out of Yugyeom’s hold, against your better judgement, against your judgement in general. The floor was cold to your bare foot, sending a wave of shock up your body. You froze, suddenly underwater, feeling Sir Hwang’s hand pushing you underwater. Breaking through the water, the memory, you came to again.

 You were bigger than all of this.

 What you were doing was bigger than any of this.

 Suddenly you could breathe, taking a big breath of air, filling up your lungs like you never had. Electrified, sparks hitting ocean currents. 

 Things were gonna be okay.

 You dreaded going to work. It was particularly distressing. It wasn’t like the feelings you had for Hyunjin had completely gone away. It felt wrong. Hyujin was clearly trying so hard to get back on your good side. And you still loved him. But you loved Yugyeom too. 

 What was really the kicker is that this shouldn’t even have been on your mind. Absolutely not. What should’ve taken all your brain space is what else you could do to dismantle and abolish the system that Sir Hwang and his predecessors created. And you have been planning, really- you have. But guilt was eating you up inside. 

 But you were only human, right?

 You were allowed to feel these things right?

 You weren’t so sure.

 Yugyeom could tell something was up. He looked at you with a softer, more questioning gaze. “I’m okay,” you told him, “don’t worry about me. Things are gonna be okay.”

 It was more for you than for him, but it convinced him anyway. You tucked your blouse into your pencil skirt and buttoned the very last button. 

  “You look very pretty, ____.”

 “Ah,” you were spun out of your thoughts, “thank you. You look very pretty too.” 

 He came up and wrapped his arms around your waist and sat his head in the crook of your neck, peppering kisses along the nape.

 “I’m gonna be late!” you squealed, refusing him as he came up for a kiss.

 “Just one?” he asked, “One good kiss and I’ll let you go.”

 “No, sir,” you replied, turning your face towards him, “I know how you are. One turns into ten and next thing you know, you’ve convinced me to stay in and cuddle, and then-”

 Taking advantage of your complaining and rambling, Yugyeom stole a kiss from you. He was always able to catch you off guard somehow. You had to be the one to pull away and upon pulling away, you were met with a very smug ‘gyeom who was about to lean in again.

 “Nope!”

 You unraveled yourself from the rope of his arms, shaking your head, “You have no limits.”

 “And! We have to get going.” you went to collect your purse, “Or we’re going to be late, and I hate being late.”

 Succumbing to your desires, Yugyeom trailed after you, following you to the car. The ride was nothing different. You bid goodbye to him and went on your usual route to work. Thankfully, due to some speeding, you would still be slightly early. Despite your wariness to see Hyunjin, you still had morals.

 Or, what was left of them anyways. 

 You pushed the button for the floor on the elevator and tried to ease the anxiety that was building up inside of you. The doors opened and you hesitated before stepping out. And there he was, waiting at your desk, fixing a vase of flowers next to your computer. 

 “______!”

 “Hey.”

 “I, uh,” he stammered, “I got these for you.”

 You didn’t recognize the flowers, but they were a vibrant array of flowers. “They’re pretty,” you murmured, delicately touching the petals.

 Hyunjin tapped his fingers against his thigh and you relaxed. Looking up at him, you moved closer.

 “What’s gotten into you?”

 “I’m trying to say I’m sorry.”

 “Why now?”

 “Because I realized I’m not a little kid anymore. And because I love you, _____.” Hyunjin sighed, “And I know that’s not fair to say. You deserve to be angry at me. You deserve space. I just want you to know that I’m here for you if or when you’re ready.”

 “Okay.”

 “And,” he shifted on his feet, his fingers reaching for yours, but stopping mid air- he’d never been this shy to touch you, so you reached out and grabbed his hand, earning a smile, “if you wanted to join me for lunch.”

 You nodded, and he let go of your hands.

 Can you drown in guilt?

 The day passed quickly. A note from Jisung gave you some revolutionary information, and a note you dropped off at Changbin’s desk along with some useless photocopies organized set things into stone. 

 And you couldn’t wait.

 But first? You had to tackle lunch with Hyunjin. 

 The time rolled around, and the time on your computer glared back at you. You loved Hyunjin, that much you knew. But you didn’t love the complicated gestures of love and the delicate intricacies of it. You just wanted things to work out. You wanted things to be okay. You wanted the option to fall into your lap so you weren’t forced to make that decision.

 “_____?”

 “I’ll be right there, just give me a moment.”

 You got up and smoothed your skirt. Hyunjin was watching you move towards his office with a huge puppy smile on his face. Deciding that you were taking too long, he pulled you into his office. “I got pan fried dumplings,” he said happily, “I know how much you love them.”

 “I would give anything in the world to eat as many dumplings as humanly possible.”

 “You could do it. I believe in you.”

 “Physically, I am capable,” you laughed, “but emotionally? It would ruin me.”

 It was pleasant. Hyunjin respected your space, sitting at a distance from you as you shared food. He made jokes, and you laughed. But he was only human. He stared at your lips often, tapping his fingers. You were no mind reader, but you knew he missed you.

 You missed him.

 And the guilt was killing you.

 “_____?”

“Yes, Hyunjin?”

“Can we,” he asked softly, “can we start over? Can you give me another chance?” His voice wavered, “Can I kiss you?”

 “Kiss me?”

 He nodded, “Just on the cheek, if you want. I just- I just miss touching you.”

 “On the cheek.” you approved. You’d be lying if some part of you didn’t miss it too. “But I need time. And space to figure it- this- out.” 

 Hyunjin leaned towards you, closing the space and encompassing the air that separated the two of you. He pressed his lips against your cheek and lingered there for a moment. And then you caved, turning your face towards him- and kissing him for real this time. Like you once did, and god, you’d be lying if you didn’t like it. That you didn’t love him. That it was just like the last kiss you remembered, just as good- if not better.

But you pulled away, and he looked so happy. 

 “We better eat,” you murmured.”

And eat you did. So much for figuring things out.

 You picked up Yugyeom, and he looked so excited to see you. “Tonight,” he clapped, “tonight is the big night and the start of our mission.”

 “You’re gonna meet a lot of new people, Yugyeom. And I’m scared that they’re not as trustworthy as they make themselves seem. But I need your hands.”

 “Hey,” his voice grew soft, “we’ve been over this. It’s gonna be okay.”

 It was late at night when you and Yugyeom climbed into the van. No one spoke. No one said anything. The van drove off, then stopped at where you needed to be. Your heart was still. You knew that you were trained for extreme situations, situations like this one. But it still surprised you. Does everyone else feel this way? Entirely calm? Not the slightest bit of anxiety?

 You were the first to climb out of the van, the gun not even heavy on your back. It was just an extension of yourself. The gun wasn’t the weapon.

 You were.

  It was like a switch had been flicked. You moved quickly and quietly. Blending into the darkness, you forgot that you were a human and not some machine of terror. It was like walking on air, walking on water, even. The AR that sat on your hip wasn’t heavy, almost like it was included in your own weight. You led the way, making your way to the center of the maze. You were sure it was intentional. It was exciting in a morbid way,  

  It shouldn’t have been so easy, the way you disarmed those men, the way you could make them crumple onto the floor like rag dolls. And in retrospect, it was scariest the way you didn;’t even think about it. It was something more, something less than instinct. You didn’t think twice, you didn’t even think about it. They became nothing more than a target, nothing more than something to get past. Taking the lead came natural, guiding the others through the maze. And then, after countless obstacles, there was the safe, the motherfucking jackpot. 

 Yugyeom and Jisung took out the several men standing in front of the gate, while you and Changbin worked on the locks. It took a few minutes, which was frustrating, but it could’ve been worse. Each lock only had one try before everything confined was dropped through the floors and sent away. To where, you only had a vague idea. Each one of the locks was a long series of random numbers, increasing in length each time. 

   Jeongin stood over your hunched figure, watching Jisung and Changbin carefully. His expression was dark and the gun was pointed ever so slightly. You’d never seen him like this. 

 Finally, a latch opened, and without thinking, you jumped down. You rolled onto your feet, and froze once you heard a loud click. The long corridor before you was lighting up with fluorescent lights. Something felt off. You looked over at Jeongin and watched as Changbin dropped down, and raised your eyebrows at them. Changbin starts to cross towards you but Jeongin separates the two of you with his gun. You let Jeongin and Changbin work it out and trek forward. Your steps are light, but you run anyhow. It wasn’t a trap. Not exactly. 

 Your breath caught in your throat. It was good. Almost too good. You breathed deeply, and your heartbeat slowed. You got this. 

 You got this.

 You got this. 

  And there it was. The last door. The plan you were given was slightly off, but considering that none of them had ever been here, the mistake was forgivable. You crouched down, staring at the metal door. It was just a latch. It seemed deceitful in a sense. But there was nothing wrong. Nothing entirely. You extended your hand, and in it, Yeji placed down a disposable camera. Holding in a breath, you unclasped it, and opened the door.

 And there it was.

  Cocaine fucking heaven. 

   But, of course, there were at least a dozen security enforcers just in your sight. Armed and dangerous, and hoping to get to blow someone’s head off on their shift to make the time go by.

And boy, they weren’t happy to see you.

 You let go of the breath you were holding, and moved quickly. The gunfire was almost serenading you. There was something festering in you- the adrenaline maybe. The hot blood coursing through your veins, your heart beat seeming to slow down, thumping in your ears like white noise. You lead the way, your gun aimed and shooting only to disarm.

 No deaths, you repeated in your head, I can not make that decision. 

 No deaths.

 No deaths.

 No deaths.

 You heard a cry, and started walking backward, letting who you assumed to be Chan take the lead. And all you could think of as you retreat is, please don’t be dead. You found Jeongin slightly limping, and he shook his head, nodding his head towards the front of the group. You signaled for Jisung to stay and guard the back, as you made the way back to the front, letting bullets rain as you moved. You turn to check on Yeji, taking pictures of all the packs of cocaine and such. She seemed fine, even giving you a thumbs up to confirm. Bodies dropped like flies, and you didn’t even think about it. 

 You were scaring yourself. 

 But even so, you couldn’t stop. Not now, not with how close you were. Above the drugs, there sitting high on the wall, was a number nine. You pulled out your disposable, and snapped a couple pictures. Now, you had to get out, and get out quick. Yugyeom and Chan had retreated to the maze. Since you hadn’t heard from Changbin, you assume the coast was clear, but there was an increasingly large fear in the back of your mind. 

 Then, it happened before you could process. A flurry of gunshots rang out, and you felt the floor before you knew what it was. You could feel the bullet in your leg.

 If it doesn’t get out of you soon- and by soon, you mean right the fuck now- you were gonna die. You crawled, somehow, behind the stacked pounds of paraphernalia. You could feel it expanding. You could only be grateful that it wasn’t a main artery. Resting your head against the paraphernalia you pulled up your black leggings, and felt around your calf. Just scathing. 

 You’re okay, it was just a scathe.

 Hollow Point. It was a Hollow Point. And if you don’t move- if you don’t move right the fuck now-

 You scrambled on your feet, moving fast as you could. Yeji had left. 

 They had left you behind.