#god i need to process everything that just happened. i'm losing my mind.

[strayslost]

YOUR BSD NEW EP SPOILERS WARNING GOES HERE!!

you fools. fyodor couldn't die that easily. he's still fine you just gotta BELIEVE-

[bigassmoonchild]

The Aftermath

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Word Count: 2k

The first part does give context, but isn’t required for this read.

Summary: You knew the difficulty the process of being a mated Omega in the military. You understood how much you would lose, but you never thought about the difficulty in your normal life. Never thought about the panic you would have, or how much it would effect you and Ghost's personal relationship.

Content Tags: Hospitals, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, No use of Y/N, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha! Ghost

A/N: I was not expecting such a good response to Maple Syrup, and since y'all seemed to like it so much here's basically the next part. Let me know if you want anything specific, my asks should be open. <3 I'm adding a 'keep reading' link to make sure you can scroll on if you want.

Previous, Next | Headcannons, Masterlist

Everything felt wrong. Ghost wasn't injured, but he was being held overnight in the medbay. The Maple Syrup had run its course through him, but he could hear chatter echoing in the room. He could smell you, you weren't too far from him but he wasn't allowed to see you. Price had come in not too long after the doctors had checked him over and cleared him, arms crossed as he sat in the chair next to the bed Ghost was in.

"We'll need to talk, you know," was the only thing Price had said, leaning back and relaxing in the chair.

"Is the Doc okay?" Ghost asked, looking in the direction your scent was coming from. The sickly sweet smell of heat was becoming stale, but you were on lock and key just in case any Alpha soldiers tried to come in. Price looked in the same direction, giving a faint shrug.

"I'm going to be updated once she's steady enough for the doctors to leave her alone," Price said. "Gaz is on watch outside her room," Ghost nodded. Gaz was a Beta, so it would be fine for him to be that close. Ghost still didn't like it, he didn't know how his pack was, where everyone was, if everyone was safe.

It took a few hours, it was well past midnight before any movement came from the direction of your room. The curtains surrounding Ghosts bed was moved, the Doctor gesturing for Price to follow him. Ghost had tried to listen in, but it wasn't worth it. He was still in mild pain from the mission, the place where the tranq had stabbed him still throbbed every so often.

Price walked back in some time later, looking at Ghost with a sigh. That didn't make him feel good, panic started to flow through him, thoughts of you dying flashed in his mind for a few moments.

"She's gonna be fine," Price started. "They got her heat back under control, they're just waiting for it to finish cycling through her. Outside of that, she's fine," Price sat next to Ghost. "I can't ask you about what happened. I can only tell you what will happen," he looked away.

You woke up, head foggy and throbbing with a headache. You could see a form moving next to you, checking your vitals. You gave a soft groan, your neck throbbing alongside your core. Everything hurt, but you weren't able to tell if it was everything.

"You finally waking up?" The voice asked, and you could recognize it. "You've been out for a few days, you've even had Ghost trying to get in," she giggled a little. Amanda. That was her name, she was one of the nurses you'd been working with prior to the mission that went south.

At the mention of Ghost, you sat upright, vision spinning before righting itself.

"It was a really bad heat you were sent into, y'know. Took us a few hours to stabilize you, but you're doing good for yourself," she smiled, trying to lay you back down but you pushed her off of you.

"I need to talk to him," god even your throat hurt. She nodded slowly, sticking her head out of the door. You rubbed your head, headache now making you feel sick. It took a few moments, but you heard footsteps come in the room, a figure standing next to you. When you looked up, it was Price.

"There are some procedures we need to go through. I've already got some officers in, but we still need to talk about what happened," Price started, moving to sit in the chair near you. "Ghost has already spoken with them, so it'll be you, me and the officers. I think Laswell has flown in as well," you stared at Price.

With a few blinks, you looked down to think. Ghost had already spoken with the officers? You knew what the rules were like, and you knew that your career was now in his hands. It pissed you off, if you could really focus on feeling much outside of pain.

"The officers are trying to get him to make a decision on your career. I can't let you two talk about anything yet, the Adjutant Officers still need to figure things out before you'll be allowed near each other," Price looked away, your jaw tensing. You really had no rights anymore, did you?

It took another few days before you were released. The second you had clothes of your own to wear, you were gone off into your room.

Someone had been here. You could smell a stale scent, but you weren't able to place it. It was too distant to be able to decipher, but your room was exactly the same as it had been left before you were hospitalized. You didn't feel comfortable in your room, knowing someone had been here.

A knock on the door made you spin, nerves set tight. As you opened the door, a large figure came into view.

"Doc," Ghost started, before being yanked into your room and having the door slammed behind him. You turned on him, staring at him sharply. You pointed, opening your mouth before shutting it and groaning, running hands through your hair.

You kept trying to start talking before you stopped yourself, eventually kicking at the wall in irritation.

"What did you say to them?" You hissed, back still turned and facing the wall. You could hear him shift behind you, boots scuffing against the ground. You turned, storming up to him, chest to chest. "What the hell did you tell them? You gonna dismantle my career? Make me some fucking house-omega?" You were growling now, you could feel your muscles tensing.

When he didn't respond, you groaned, tossing your hands up in defeat and walking away from him. You turned, hand on your hip, waiting for a response.

"I don't want to take your career away," he whispered, finally. You barked a laugh, rubbing your wrist against your bitten gland. His hand reached out to grab you, but you moved away from him. "I don't want to make decisions for you," he added, voice growing more desperate.

You shook your head, pulling your hand away from your gland and shaking them out. Ghost reached out to you again, hand catching your shoulder before you shrugged him off.

"I don't know what to do," you whispered. "I'm terrified, because now I'm outed to so many people, and there's quite literally nothing I can do to save myself," you turned to look at Ghost.

He scoffed. "You think I'm going to ruin things for you? I've already told you, I don't want that kind of control over you," he looked away, crossing his arms. You could smell the distress on him.

"You have done shit to make me trust you!" Your voice raised before dropping, a hand running down your face. "I have zero control left, you know how many rights I have as a mated Omega?" He shook his head. "None," you glared at him.

Ghost glanced at you before looking away again. He shook his head, moving to leave before you blocked the door from him.

"You don't get to walk out when we're talking," you growled at him and he growled back.

"This isn't a conversation, this is you getting all pissy on me," he loomed over you, forcing you to take a step back. "I didn't want this to happen, I would have chosen any other way to save us, but we didn't get a choice, did we?" You looked away.

"Get out,"

He could smell the distress on you the second he spoke. Your scent left him spiraling, he was panicking. His Omega was distressed, and he was the cause. He wanted to fix it, correct the problem and make you happy again.

Ghost could do nothing when you repeated yourself.

"Get the hell out," you glared at him. Ghost opened his mouth to give you a retort, but you had turned away. He bit his tongue, turning to stare at the door.

"You know that's not what I meant," he whispered, opening the door and leaving.

Even after walking aimlessly for ten minutes, he could still smell your distress on your scent, the sour taste stuck on the back of his throat. This wasn't how he had intended to talk to you, he wanted to make a plan for when they asked him more questions regarding your career.

Ghost was pissed off, more so with himself than you, but he wanted to comfort you. Fix what he had said, take it back.

But he had a meeting to attend, and he needed to make sure he didn't say anything wrong.

You sat in the conference room, Price, Laswell and an Adjutant officer sitting across from you. This was the third time you'd gone over what had happened.

"So you say this 'Maple Syrup' is what caused Ghost to go into a feral rut?"

"Yes," you deadpanned, glaring through the Adjutant. "We've already been through all of this, there is literally nothing else that I haven't told you," the Adjutant hummed.

"We need to make sure everything is covered," he told you, looking at the paper he had been writing on for the past hour and a half.

You looked at Price, hoping he would help you in any way. He looked away, leaning further back into his seat.

"What about my career?" The room went silent, the Adjutant stopped reading, glancing over at Price who had finally looked at you. "I want to know what's happening," you whispered. The last few days had left you unsure of yourself. You wanted to confront Ghost, you wanted to apologize for snapping at him, you wanted to fix what you'd said.

None of them spoke, Laswell had opened her mouth to speak before closing it, taking a deep breath. Her fingers tapped on the table, looking at Price and the Adjutant.

She looked back at you. "You aren't allowed to make any decisions regarding that, you know," your head dropped back with a groan, wrist rubbing against your bitten gland roughly. You were terrified, you didn't know what the future was going to hold.

You had so little control and it was getting worse. You stood abruptly, going to walk out the door before Price spoke.

"Would you like to speak with Ghost?" You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. With people around, you wouldn't snap on him, but you also didn't want to see him since his last remarks. You really needed to know if you still worked here, or if he was going to force you to become a house-omega.

You nodded, turning around and sitting back down while staring Price down as he made a phone-call. A few moments later, Ghost walked in and sat beside you, but you still couldn't look at him. It was silent for a few minutes, everyone looking at each other, waiting for the first to speak.

"You still have a job here," Ghost spoke up. "I didn't let them remove you, but they won't allow you on missions anymore," he added the last part quietly. You nodded.

You could hear Price and Laswell ushering the Adjutant Officer out of the room, the door closing with a click behind them. Neither you nor Ghost talked for a few minutes, you could smell a certain level of stress on him.

"Thank you," you whispered, glancing quickly at him. He was staring at you, eyes watching your every twitch and shudder. "I'm... sorry, for the other day," you fiddled with your fingers. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

Ghost shook his head, hesitating before grabbing your hand, pulling it close to him and in turn tugging you towards him. You finally turned to look at him, and his eyes visibly softened.

He looked down, then back up to you. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did. Not in the way I did," he tugged you even closer to him, nuzzling into your gland. "I don't regret having you as my mate now, but if I could've changed what I did, you wouldn't be stuck with me making decisions for you now," you leaned in to him, pressing your face into his chest.

It relaxed you, his scent, and allowed you to think much clearer.

"I'm just so scared,"

Next

[kafus]

ever since liko lost in her battle against chili back in HZ056 i've been pretty passionate about wanting liko to win her future battle against grusha, partially because i just love her and want to see her win after such a heart-wrenching defeat, but also because i thought it would be good character writing - she loses, but learns to be passionate about battling in the process, and then she can apply that to her next major fight and win as a result. that was my thought process.

as HZ063 drew closer however, i started feeling like that maybe isn't what would happen - the way episodes have panned out, she hasn't really had any major battle training since her loss against chili (her joining roy with "awesome training" does not count LOL), and that massive cetitan and the type disadvantage started to really loom over the whole thing. but i still wasn't sure and by the time HZ063 came out this weekend, i genuinely had no clue what to expect, i just hoped the character writing payoff would be good, win or lose.

AND IT WAS!!! thank fucking god i love liko so much i need more really good liko episodes. i'm eating this up

first off: liko REALLY shows off what she learned from battling chili. honestly an absolute treat to watch. her level of increased confidence and focus honestly made me feel spoiled as a fan. never once did she take her eyes off the battle, she was not distracted by grusha being a hardass, and she's able to think through being pinned into a corner to turn the tides despite the odds stacked against her.

everything from the strategic switch to tebrim, to firing off magical leaf into huljukira's mouth, to grabbing tyltalis by the tail/feet... she's actually a really crafty and thoughtful battler when she sets her mind to it, which makes sense because her battle preferences are more to do with her mind than raw strength. even roy remarks "nice control" because she has notable precise control over her pokemon's actions. point is the payoff for her character development in her battle against chili was still present... despite her loss.

and man does this loss sting like a bitch after watching her perform so well... AND on top of that grusha is a complete asshole about it. like UGH it just hurts to watch. and frankly there's no excuse as someone in grusha's position to be treating students that way... but there is a reason. and the reason makes this episode super fucking interesting. i really like how it was handled, actually.

pretty much directly after a scene where grusha interrupts the trio having fun sledding with the arukujira, we're presented with grusha's backstory about why and how he quit snowboarding. the writing is essentially saying, here's grusha being a no-fun, shitty person, and here's why he's like that. (notably, the trio was doing something similar to snowboarding and had to dodge being injured themselves...)

what's important, though, is that we also find out that grusha didn't quit snowboarding because he was too seriously injured to ever do it again, just that it would be harder for him to achieve the same results he used to. he made a conscious, emotionally fueled decision to quit, because like the man says: he's harsh on everyone, himself included.

at this point, he is basically the opposite of liko, and to the general themes of most stories in pokemon. he is not an incredible pokemon trainer because of passion, in fact he only became a trainer after his snowboarding accident just so he'd have something to succeed at again. he is not an incredible pokemon trainer because of friends or adventure or any other reason than a desperation to reach the same artificial "success" heights that he did before his accident. not to say that he's inhuman - forgiving the arukujira that caused his injury, patting it on the head, and becoming its trainer, signals a sense of personal guilt over the situation, and the arukujira in question obviously likes him despite his behavior. but it's a very strong contrast to what liko learned in HZ056, with being connected with her pokemon through battle, and enjoying fighting tough opponents even though she could lose.

and it's important to note that even as far back as HZ056 itself, grusha was framed as a contrast to liko. he approaches her and his coldness (no pun intended) immediately slices into the atmosphere of the scene and liko's improved mood, and he implies that liko is weak for being happy after losing, because all he personally cares about is winning and being on top.

all of this is to say that grusha is in the wrong to fail liko, he's in the wrong to talk down to her the way that he does. and this is made clear by the writing! when liko loses and grows from it, grusha's there to say something negative about it. when liko is having fun with her pokemon and her friends, he sarcastically remarks that she must be "pretty confident" if she has time to "goof off." the man in the gym says that he could have kept snowboarding, but he quit, as opposed to liko who gets back up again. everyone thinks he's harsh and offputting.

and at the end when grusha fails her, even dot and roy are like, no, maybe he'll pass you or give you a second chance! because they (rightly) experienced those things and were able to grow from those experiences, so surely the same would be the case for liko? but no! and it's a shock to everyone!

the sound effect paired with liko's surprised face clearly indicates that this is supposed to shock the viewer just as much as it shocks liko and her friends.

and her friends are so surprised that they even try to argue with grusha about it!! it is unfair and wrong! and that's so fucking interesting!!! grusha is a flawed adult character, he's not part of the explorers but he's still treating liko wrongly as opposed to with the support that most of the adults in her life have given her, and he has a reason which makes him compelling, but not an excuse. for the type of show this is i am continually surprised by the complexity of some of the character writing, and this hits particularly well. liko's loss feels meaningful... and like setup for something.

to me, this episode seamlessly bridges off of liko's character development set in motion in HZ056, and also makes her character more clear through her contrast with grusha. i definitely don't think this is truly the end of this plot thread - whether or not liko actually gets to fight grusha again sometime in the future or something else, i definitely think liko will get to prove herself in some way, that pokemon battles aren't just about winning or losing and that grusha was indeed in the wrong. and i do hope she gets to fight grusha again or grusha gets to see her prove herself in the future, because it seems like the guy needs to learn to loosen up and have fun and be passionate, too.

i feel even more sure of this because amethio is in the upcoming episode (thank god, i missed him) and grusha parallels amethio in a lot of ways - they both work very hard to be stronger, but just because of a desperation to succeed, and they're both absolutely miserable and irritable as people because of it, though of course amethio's motivations for being this way are very different. i won't speculate too much about the next episode right now but i am hoping that this will be pointed out by the narrative in some way - an amethio episode coming right after this feels... intentional to say the least lol.

the intentional nature of horizons' character writing and its ability to follow through on things it sets up episodes ago never fails to impress me tbh. really good episode. i fucking love liko

[candyskiez]

Thinking about ???%/Shigeo as a character today and losing my mind. Like he's so funny to joke about but also he's SUCH an interesting character (especially from a plural angle, ESPECIALLY when you're a system yourself) and he makes me want to explode. Imagine forming to protect a little kid and deciding you love him so so much and you'll always be there for him, and you love his little brother, and you love his best friend, even though the world doesn't love you very much. But you take it anyway because you have those three and your little family so you're happy. And you have powers and they're a part of you and the other kid and it's fine until it very suddenly Isn't, and nobody's explaining why, just that you need to Stop Having Them. And the kid just decides, okay, I'm sorry, I'll be normal. And you get no explanation. You just have to be suppressed that little bit more. You form because he can't handle being suppressed yet he suppresses you. And then one day it all blows up and you make a mistake trying to protect your little brother and suddenly everyone hates you. Everyone thinks every little thing you've ever done is proof you're a monster and you always would've turned out like this, and you have no idea what they're talking about. You made a mistake trying to save your brother. But because you look scary and act different, even though you've always been there suddenly you existing is dangerous. Because you made a mistake, you are now Irredeemable.

That would fuck ANY kid up. But like, think about it. Shigeo had no one except Tsumobi and Mob and Mob's family. And suddenly he has no one. Mob represses him so deeply. He makes one mistake and suddenly he's not allowed to talk to anyone, suddenly he's completely alone and isolated. He has to share a brain with someone who despises him. He has the trauma of the accident AND the trauma of suddenly losing everyone he loves on top of it. He literally had no one for years. No wonder he's so fucking cynical. All of the shit about "I don't trust anyone" in the manga? Yeah, of course he doesn't. The rug was pulled out from under him so fast. In his eyes everyone just hated him for no reason, because he existed, and everyone would hurt him for existing, so he could only trust himself. Yeah, no wonder he's so selfish, he has no one else there at ALL. It's just...holyyyy hell.

And the thing is if you actually look the little things point to him yearning for connection so desperately. He's still so aggressively protective of his family (even though he lost them a long time ago, they're Mob's now, they don't even know he's there. Don't get me started on that from a plural view. I won't shut up and will probably pour my heart out.), and just ...world domination arc. When he's so upset about losing his family. We know he doesn't trust Reigen. Yet he's running to Reigen for some sort of comfort because he's scared and doesn't want his family to die and wants someone to tell him everything's fine. And Reigen DOES and he believes him. He believes him and immediately passes out. The guy who doesn't trust anyone wants to be loved so so bad and wants to believe Reigen more than anything. He really clearly WANTS to be able to trust Reigen. But he can't. More on this later.

And also thinking about why the build up in confession arc broke him like that is just fucking sad, man. Everyone was telling them to change. Shigeo's been told to change and it meant "be normal". Mob isn't even the one who actually likes Tsumobi like that. Shigeo's being completely repressed and Mob wants to live without him completely. Everyone wants to live without him now that they've used his powers to get this nice perfect life (in his eyes, at least.) Everyone's just trying to forget he ever existed so they can be happy without him, when Shigeo never GOT to heal. He never got to move on. He never got to process any of the god awful shit that happened to him. Everyone's telling him, change. Be normal. Be normal so Tsumobi will like you. And Shigeo's so fucking stressed out of his mind because lying about who he is didn't even help Mob make friends, it didn't make him popular, it didn't make anyone like him, it just made them both miserable. He doesn't want to be stuck like this. Of course he's freaking out. We see in his encounter with the body improvement club that being told to go back to normal sets him off HARD. It's clearly a sensitive subject. "Normal" means "Don't exist" to Shigeo. Do you see why this fucked me up as a system yet. Oh my god.

And his breakdown is just...painfully understandable. Like, actually think about it for a second. Shigeo has never been shown forgiveness or compassion or any amount of understanding for his mistakes. He never was taught to mature or see any nuance. He fucked up, so he doesn't deserve any second chance. Nobody ever taught him compassion. He has such a completely black and white view of the world. If someone did something bad once, they are forever The Bad Thing. If someone was kind to him once, they are forever Good and Perfect. Teru was a threat once, so he is now Always A Threat. Reigen was a liar before so he is Always A Liar. Ritsu was sweet and kind as a kid so he is always His Innocent Little Brother. And Tsumobi accepted him as a kid, so now she's the only person who could ever possibly accept him. Teru sees Shigeo at his most terrifying, when he's actively hunting him down, and in the manga looks at him with fucking hearts in his eyes. Ritsu might not be all perfect, but he's trying so hard and understanding no, Shigeo isn't just a scary part of Mob. Shigeo isn't Evil. But because neither of their acceptance is perfect, and because they aren't from Tsumobi, he can't see it's even there. And also, another thing, his response to people acting outside of his perception of him is to get them away. It scares him. Teru isn't acting how he expected? Attack maim. Ritsu isn't afraid of him anymore? Teleport him away so he doesn't have to confront the change. Reigen acts different? Throw shit at him until he hates him.

It's just so...fuck man. Of course he's like that. He's immature and selfish because nobody taught him not to be. Nobody helped this kid when he needed it and this is the result. He thinks he's an irredeemable monster so he acts like one when he's told to just be himself. He doesn't see change as being realistic. He's been treated the same no matter what he does so he assumes this is how the world naturally is. He's just a bitter mentally ill kid who nobody gave any reason to believe that maybe the world is nice sometimes.

Another thing: I think he really really wants Reigen to care about him. Him going "I can't listen to him" is so intense with the context of the fact he immediately passes out to rest and let Mob take care of it once Reigen says his parents are safe. Reigen can convince him like nobody else can. He cares about him and wants to believe him and that's terrifying! He hates him and resents him and wants him to be proud of him and wants nothing to do with him and it's confusing and he just wants something that is (supposedly) guaranteed. He wants Reigen to care so badly and it feels impossible. Why would he ever care? He just wants to use him. The only way to bring Shigeo back from his breakdown was to show him that people can be kind without wanting something back in return. Reigen saying "you don't need me anymore" was the only real way to help him, to show him that he's not doing this for himself, but because he cares about his student(s). Because he cares about BOTH of them. He cares about every version he's seen and interacted with, not because of his powers but because they were them. He had to let go of them to truly help them here, so Shigeo wouldn't have any lingering fear. What helps Shigeo is the display of kindness with nothing to be gained and Mob finally realizing that Shigeo's just...flawed. They both realize that sometimes people are just flawed and fucked up and make bad decisions and just straight up hurt people. And they'll still love you. They'll still be worth saving. But you can't deny their flaws, for Mob, and you don't need to seek the perfect relationship to have someone there, for Shigeo. It just. Agh! God! I am always losing my mind over this story. Fuck. This SHOW .

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

hii love, how are you doing? 🫶🏻

so, i just read your latest pietro hcs and it's SO GOOD😭 (like everything else that you write, i'm literally in love with your writing) and i had an idea

can i request an angry love confession from pietro after him and the reader go to a mission together and she puts herself at risk to save him?

like, they're friends with benefits, but are distant bc both of them had developed feelings for each other, but neither say anything bc they think the other only wants sex, like you said. the reader putting herself at risk during the mission to save pietro it's the last straw for him, he gets angry and freaked out by the idea of losing her. so, after the mission, they're arguing and it ends up leading to an angry love confession 😏😏

hii lovie!! im sorry this has taken so long, it took me ages to figure out how to get them out of the danger part, so I took a break from it and had no luck so left that part blank. but you’ll see what I mean😭 and im doing well, hope you are too. thank you :(( you’re so sweet!! thanks for requesting, hope you like it💌

MISTAKES AND CONFESSIONS

pietro maximoff x female reader

word count. 869

link to fwb hc’s

As of late, things with Pietro have been a little confusing - tricky, if you will - the complications of being friends with benefits making themselves more apparent after every meet-up.

Everything was going well, all going as planned, until the unforeseen moment when you actually fell in love with him. At the beginning of your elevated friendship, you both promised it would be strictly hook-ups, no strings attached, nothing else. And that's what you did - up until three weeks ago. 

After a while, you found yourself declining his invitations to meet up, like you were starting to pull back from him. It grew more difficult to be around someone so unattainable, to have the constant reminder of his romantic disinterest, so instead, you withdrew yourself to make it less painful. 

So now, when you cross paths at the compound, instead of a nervous hidden smile behind your hand, you avoid his gaze completely - turning your attention to the weather app on your phone.

It wasn't easy to ignore him, but it was getting there - that's what you told yourself, anyway. 

All of your attempts to avoid Pietro got flipped on its head when the two of you got paired together for a mission - to retrieve intel from an enemy base. It was supposed to be a low-risk assignment: get in, collect the information and get out, but nothing is ever that simple.

As soon as you and Pietro stepped foot in the room of said intel, you noticed a red hue shine from under his foot. You immediately tugged at his arm, halting his movements when you realised what you had both walked into.

"Pietro! Wait, wait, wait," you call out, gripping at his upper arm. "Don't move. Keep still," you ramble, eagerly looking around the space.

"What is it?"

"The room— it's got these— I don't know, just keep still," you breathe out a reply, feeling flustered. 

"It's okay," Pietro offers a brief moment of reassurance, keeping his eyes glued ahead - keeping still as instructed. "Are you okay? Are you on one, too?" he hesitantly asks.

"No, no, but you are and— I don't know what to do. Nat taught me what to do with these and— god, why isn't my brain working?" you mumble, frustratedly speaking your mind when you think about the possibility of something awful actually happening to Pietro - to both of you.

"Draga, it's fine. Really, it's okay," he whispers, slowly extending his hand behind, like he was awkwardly reaching for you.

"No, keep still— please. Just let me think," 

"You should go,"

"No, give me a minute," 

"Please, milovat. You need to go,"

"I said no. Just give me a second,"

You even your breathing, running an uneasy hand over your forehead as you assess your surroundings. 

----- after ------ (im sorry about this, my brain broke)

You avoid each other's gaze, separately processing everything that happened - how you were both about to be blown to pieces, how you were willing to let yourself die to get Pietro out.

"That was so stupid," Pietro mutters, keeping his eyes fixed on a tree ahead.

"Excuse me?" you reply, neck whipping around to face him.

"That was so stupid," he repeats, emphasising each word.

"Are you kidding?" you snicker. "If you had minded where you were going we wouldn't have had to done all that."

"So you're saying it's my fault?" he retorts, face grimacing.

"Yes. I am," you retaliate. "It's your fault."

You both sigh, growing frustrated with the conversation. It was as if there was so much left unsaid, it all coming together like a whirlwind of mixed emotions - everything from your failed 'relationship' to no contact to just now. It was like you were both holding back on everything, too scared to bring up the subject that tarnished your original friendship. 

"I told you to go, and you didn't. That's not on me. That's on you! Don't blame me for things we both messed up on."

"Me? That's rich,"

"Yes, you! Nothing is ever your fault, is it?" he sneers, the argument changing subject.

"You never listen! Always thinking about yourself,"

"Bullshit," he dryly chuckles, unamused smile on his face.

"I don't want to do this. It's boring and tiring," you cave, waving your hands in sign of defeat. "I give up. You win."

Pietro huffs, rubbing over his temples. "If you had just gone..." he murmurs, talking at the floor.

"I couldn't! I couldn't leave you,"

"Yes, you could. You should've gone. You could have died," Pietro's words soften as if it all hit him how real it was - how he could have lost you again, but for good. "You could've died."

"So could you," you turn to face him, meeting his saddened eyes. 

His hands drop to his side as he steps towards you, walking to close the gap - the closest you had been in weeks. He keeps his gaze solely on you, looking over you like you're no longer a distant memory, like he was seeing you in a new light - the way he was supposed to see you.

He cups your cheeks, holding your face in his hands. "I could have lost you again."

— — — — — — — — — — ☆ — — — — — — — — — —

pietro taglist: @astermath @thewinterv @earth-elemental18 @lunnnix @idontknowwhattohaveasmyuser @randomawesomeperson102 @queerponcho @selfryed @daenerys-supremacy @dontknownameauthor @mrsbarnesxxx @honestly-who-even-is-this @simplyreflected @apxtowiris

[silver99johnlocked]

FIRST TIME WATCHING THE SPN FINALE [Spoilers ahead]

I just finished watching Supernatural in September of 2024. I'm overwhelmed and needing to rant about it so here are my thoughts on the last 3 episodes of season 15:

First things first: There was one thing on my mind the entire time during the last 2 episodes. "Dead men wear no plaid". Dean didn't wear plaid for the last 2 episodes. Not a single scene. While sam wore plaid the whole time. Then when Dean made it to Heaven he was wearing plaid again

2- what the hell happened to everyone they knew? They all stayed dead? They mentioned Donna so I'm guessing she's alive. But what about Jody and the girls? What about Eileen? Why is Sam's wife a faceless woman?

3- when jack became god and bailed on them, why didn't they ask him to bring Cas back? They had asked chuck to bring Cas back. So why not ask Jack? It doesn't make sense. God was powerful enough to bring people back from the empty. He brought lucifer back. So jack with his powers is supposedly able to do the same. Right??

4- Bobby said that Cas helped Jack fix heaven. That means Jack did pull Cas out of the empty. So I'm guessing he's in heaven with Jack and Dean is able to meet with him whenever he likes. Right?

5- it certainly didn't escape my notice that Baby's plates were different in heaven and on earth. When Dean died, the plate was that "new" one, c something I guess. In heaven the plate went back to being KAZ. 😏

6- I knew Dean was going to die and I even knew the how. Had that spoiler beforehand. I gotta say, the way people talk about it...I was expecting something much more WTF. But to be completely frank, I actually kinda liked the way it went? I mean. It's like he said, that's the life he knew and wanted. He tried the white fence life and he was miserable. Plus, he would only do something like that again if he was with Cas.

He wanted to retire remember? After all the world ending issues went away. He wanted to be on a beach with sam and Cas, relax and just enjoy life a little, be happy. Well, Cas died so he didn't get his dream end. Which means he sorted out for doing what he knows: hunting, with Sam. But chuck is no longer there, they have free will, they don't have plot armor. They're just hunters, not the heroes of some epic story. Which means they die, they go on hunts and they risk their lives every day. In the end he died the way he always knew he was going to. And he didn't have anything holding him back you know? The only lose end was Sam, so that's why he pleaded Sam to tell him it was okay, that Sam was gonna be okay without him. He was so relieved, man. And I'm not gonna pretend like he isn't suicidal because he is. He's been so since early seasons. And sure it was very sad to watch him give up easily, not wanting Sam to call for help and stuff. But I get it. Plus, I do believe he was eager to see Cas again. And his smile when Bobby mentioned Cas. God

7- About the confession scene. I was absolutely hooked. The scene was just spot on. Dean's reactions were perfect. Honest to god I loved it. I could feel so clearly that Dean was having a hard time processing everything but damn I could also feel the love in him. He wasn't disgusted by the confession or anything remotely like that. He was so into the moment, so soft, he was crying. Fuck. And Cas. Oh Cas. He was so sweet. He knew how to get to Dean, he knew just what to say and how to say it. His voice was so soft and his eyes oh my god so adoring. I'm so not over it

8- a friend of mine mentioned that what they hated the most was that the last mention of cas when dean was alive is lucifer pretending to be him and using his voice. I agree that it doesn't do him justice. But fuck, the way Dean ran to the door. DESTIEL IS SO CANON. I know people wanted something explicit and yes I agree that not having some grand romantic finale like they would have had if it was a straight couple is very homophobic but damn.

I saw it, it was so clear to me and for real I'm elated about that. There was no foreshadowing, not trying to undo the gayness. They didn't make Dean run to the hills with some chick or do something heteronormative. It was there, the door was left wide open for anyone who has 2 neurons to see it. Cas confessed his romantic love to Dean. Dean was moved to tears by it. He was devastated when Cas was gone. The very thing he asked chuck for was to bring Cas back. If Dean had been the tiniest bit uncomfortable with the confession he wouldn't have wanted to meet Cas face to face again. He's the king of being awkward about feelings, the king of denial. He was so not in denial. He knew it wasn't gonna be awkward because he returned the feelings. I mean, being very very honest, if he were to friend zone Cas, I don't think he would have the guts to bring him back

[barebevil]

I'll start with my pitch. This is a full soliloquy that i break out into whenever i talk to someone who shows just the barest modicum of interest in reading the book. I'm a great conversationalist don't worry about it. THE TRAITOR BARU CORMORANT IS A BOOK ABOUT BARU CORMORANT. When baru is a child her home is subject to foreign imperial expansion, by means of economics and education, she is discovered by an agent of this empire to be a math genius and is enrolled in an imperial school where she makes it her mission to prove herself an impress the powers that be in order to earn a favorable position and climb the hierarchy of power within the empire, for you see she means to behold the very machinations of the imperial machine. and she means to burn it all down from the inside. but in order to do so, to climb, to impress, she has to compromise everything about herself. she cant have personal values, personal relationships, morals, and no goals but this one: more power and more influence. She cannot be herself or she will doom herself and everything she's already sacrificed will have been for naught. (At this point is when I'll usually pivot and say the following--) I've cried over a book before, I've been moved to tears by books before, sometimes because something is sad, or it is joyous, whatever. i've cried over books before is the point, and i thought, as i was nearing the end of THE TRAITOR BARU CORMORANT that perhaps this would be such an instance. I thought, and no spoilies but, well, i was in the final stretch and thought that probably the end might make me cry. Reader it did not. Have you ever read something that was so viscerally upsetting that you skipping right past crying and went straight to nausea? because that's what happened to me. Not one tear, but a single sentence made me feel like i was genuinely going to throw up. Fuck this book is so fucking good. I really thought i might throw up thats how sad and upset i was. and it was PERFECT. What happened was exactly what needed to happen. Again, no spoilies but oh my god. Nauseous. AND THAT'S JUST THE FIRST BOOK. We then follow Baru as she achieves every single one of her goals, and goes more insane in the process. With every victory she destroys herself more, with every sacrifice she curries more favor. And she only becomes more insane and more horny. And now you may ask yourself, what does horny have to do with it? EVERYTHING. The higher she climbs, the more she injures and destroys and compromises herself, the more separation she creates between her mind and her body, the more removed she becomes from herself, the harder it becomes to unify the two, to satisfy any carnal need, harder to do as much as identify her own desires much less realize them. She loses herself, she wins, she loses more, she wins more.

The most common criticism i've seen online of the first book in the serious is that it's boring. First of all get better soon. second of all, YES Baru is an accountant she deals a lot in economic policy and money and numbers but oh my god its THRILLINGGGGG. I happen to find math quite romantic and poetic and I know that's not everyone's bag, but when in book 2 a whole page is dedicated to the description of one mathematical axiom as a metaphor for a situation Baru is trying to deal with, here i WAS almost moved to tears. It's such a good book.

Oh and did I mention? (I did not) The characters are all fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. It's wall to wall fucking hits, Seth Dickinson my close personal friend Seth Dickinson oh my god your mind your mind!!!!!!!!!!!

[chaoskirin]

Today, While I was in the middle of typing an email, Microsoft Outlook 365 popped up a window demanding feedback. And boy did I have shit to say.

I had to keep the swearing out, because apparently any report I make is duplicated and sent to the IT department. But the text I ended up sending follows:

---

God, I have so much to tell you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. First: Stop messing with everything. Outlook works fine, but you keep changing things that don't need changing. Moving buttons around. Turning on features that I have explicitly turned off for not working before. Just today, you turned on the auto-suggestions again, which would be great if it actually worked. Instead, when it suggests anything you don't accept, it just mashes words together. Do you know how it feels to be typing a professional email and you miss one of those failures and send your email anyway? I mean, to be fair, I caught ten, so I still got a 90% on the ol' Microsoft-sanctioned-typo-factory. But the person I emailed doesn't see it that way, do they? They see that I mashed three words together like there was a wasp on the space bar.

Plus, my signature keeps getting deleted. Not just switched to nothing, but completely deleted. Which means I have to re-make that every time your developers get bored and decide to re-haul a program that absolutely never needs re-hauling. I remember once a couple months ago the attachment button just disappeared, and there was no way for me to attach a final bill. I had to actually use my personal gmail address to send an email to a customer because for about 16 hours, it was impossible to attach anything.

But, you say, I should have sent error reports. And I did. But the question in my mind always comes back to "why are you messing with something that does not need changing?" The only thing that ever happens is that you change aesthetics. Colors. This time the boxes are gone. Do you think you're at risk of losing customers? Do you think you have to keep things new and fresh? No. People are shackled to you. You have a quasi-monopoly and a stranglehold on a whole lot of workflows. People cannot leave you. In the world of word processing and spreadsheets, you are Alcatraz. You don't have to change things to keep people here.

Instead, long-time bugs continue to plague everything I do within this hell-suite of software. Sometimes when I try to start typing in the body of the email, outlook decides that, no, I don't want to type an email! I want to send the other emails in my inbox to the archive, where, if I don't notice this, they will sit and fester forever. There's also the bug where I create an email and it duplicates it and puts it in my drafts. Or the bug where it just creates a blank email and puts it in my drafts. Do you want to know how many blank emails I've deleted from my drafts folder? There are not enough numbers in existence to count this.

If you REALLY want to know how to improve Outlook and this message isn't just going into the wilderness like all those notebooks from the hit-TV-show-where-nobody-liked-the-ending, LOST, then please. Listen. From the bottom of my heart and from the top of my lungs: Stop changing everything. Nothing needs changing. Just run a good service. Get your programmers onto fixing longstanding bugs instead of trying to make an email and scheduling program look like a fashion show in Paris.

And if I seem a little ticked off in this message, it's because your request for feedback popped up in the middle of me compiling an email, which was just about halfway done. Outlook, in all its wisdom, decided that I didn't actually need that email and went ahead and deleted all the text in it. All of it. So after I finish giving you an earful, I'm going to have to retype it.

Hope this helps. Have a wonderful day.

[maxislvt]

i would like to discuss the washing r’s mouth out with soap idea because DAMN. plz wanda wash my mouth out with soap and then sit on my face so all i taste is you

warnings: toxic behavior, possessive behavior, mommy kink, pet play if you squint, Stockholm Syndrome

toxic Wanda headcanons because I'm on my period and I get to spoil myself!!

You have no idea what you're getting into when you first meet her. Wanda seems so nice and gentle when you first start talking, that you ignore the tiny red flags that may pop up when you two first become friends. For a moment, you're convinced that Wanda was entirely oblivious to your feelings at first. It's hard talking to her, so you opt to make her jealous instead.

It works a lot better than you intended and Wanda is pissed. Like, drag you to another room and spend an hour giving you hickies pissed. You stupidly take this as the sign of a new relationship, but Wanda refuses to make anything official for some weeks. She goes on "dates" with other people and won't show any affection towards you.

Eventually, she makes the demand that you two won't become official until you've "cleansed yourself". You agree without even thinking about it but immediately regret when she makes you kneel on the bathroom floor and open your mouth so she can brush your teeth with soap. Wanda makes you gargle it like seven times before she's done and then she spits in your mouth. She makes up for it by giving you a bath, but she gets you dirty again because she face fucks you to finalize the process.

After that, you two have a constant on again/off again relationship. Wanda constantly blames you for it though. In her mind, the rules she makes are completely reasonable and you're just being difficult when you refuse to follow them. It's always you who comes crying back to her because you'd rather die than live without her.

It's on, then off, then on again only a few more times. After putting up with her god awful behavior enough times, you end up leaving for goods. You don't even bother telling her you've moved out. One day she comes home and it's half empty. You're lucky you don't get to see her flip her lid. She nearly destroyed the whole apartment that day.

Not that it truly matters. Wanda spends weeks stalking you. What she finds genuinely makes her sick. You're independent. Living on your own and you seem happy. Wanda doesn't know what to do with herself. You need her and she's going to remind you whether you like it or not.

Her plan is simple. Wanda shows up once you come back from work and acts like nothing happened. She pushes right into your house and suddenly it's all "oh babe, you look so tired. why don't I make you dinner today? I'm sure you forgot to eat. you're too scared to force her out and she ignores you every time you tell her to leave. Denying her doesn't work either because she's crank everything up to 11. she'll be all over talking about how much she missed you and won't ever treat you like that again.

It doesn't matter if you're not convinced because she planned on fucking you dumb and convincing you to stay with her anyway. The second she gets between your legs it's all "see, your little pussy missed my cock so much! i bet it's extra said because you tried replacing mommy with some loser who can't even fuck you half as good as I can"

You're lucky if she lets you see your friends after that. If you ever leave the house she'll put a tracker in your bag somewhere.She totally plays hero with it if you ever lose your wallet or keys because she'll just magically know where everything is

God forbid she has even the slightest physical advantage over you because she lives off of intimidating you. It's even worse because you'll grow to love it. She can toss and turn you anyway she wants and you'd be completely hopeless against her

Gaslighting 24/7. "You're hanging out with your friends more than me, why don't you just stay home tonight? You know all your friends hate me. Just stay, please?"

Oh, you fully get downgraded from partner to pet. Wanda slowly takes away your right to care for yourself. Everything from cooking to showering has to be done by her or at least with her permission. You'll be completely naked around the house and it becomes a "privilege" to sleep in the same bed as her.

Wanda loves forcing you to get body modifications too. It's just a small tattoo that says "Property of Wanda Maximoff" on your wrist. Maybe she'll force you to get matching piercings sometimes too. Anything that shows that she literally fucking owns you

Obsessed with making you cum. Like the only way you can ever get through to her is by denying her sex. Wanda has this weird thing where she can't ever force herself on to you. If you say no or can't get wet enough, she'll do absolutely anything if it means getting you to relax and go into subspace. "Please baby. Show mommy she's doing a good job and cum for me. Please? I promise I'll play nice if you do, just cum for me again."

You make the mistake of using it to get some autonomy back, but it bites you in the ass mega hard. Clothes overstimulate you now, your food doesn't taste nearly as good as Wanda's does, and you miss being on your knees for her. Of course, she rubs it in whenever you go back on the freedoms you gave yourself, but she's happy you've learned your lesson.

[sourbinnie]

☆ cerca de ti.mp3 ☆

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> angst ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> ot8!skz x gn!reader ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> the song they wrote when you left them + some moments and how it went down. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> swearing ; smoking (weed) ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> nope

a/n: so i had this idea today and i wrote it all today because i wanted it out as soon as possible. i obviously get it if you don't like or think it's kinda odd? idk i really enjoyed this and the process of it so i hope yall like it too. it was kind of inspired by edits that i see on instagram where they make stray kids lipsync to latin songs, goddamn i love those. so yeah this is my take on how they would sing cerca de ti!

[ intro : chan & seungmin ] cerca de ti estaba bien y de tu vida me borré (close to you i was okay but of your life i got erased) y ella ante' no lo veía, pero sé que te fallé (but she didn't see it before but i know i failed you) y si ahora vuelves, te juro que no te vuelvo a perder (and if you come back, i swear that i won't lose you again) porque me di cuenta que muero si me alejo de tu piel (i realized that i die when i'm far away from your skin)

when they first started writing this song, only one thing would come to their minds and that was you. it wasn't your typical love song or even sad song but more of a mix of emotions that all the members were feeling condensed into one song. one they would call close to you, one that would express how much a certain person had changed them and their experiences with that individual.

chan at first didn't want to take a part in the song, he thought it was too soon, too much but the rest convinced him that it would be a good idea to let go with lyrics (it wasn't). when he wrote the first two verses of the introduction, he knew he was fucked and he was too deep now. when you decided to leave, he was the last one you saw and he got the final word, it didn't go well. he was too harsh and too egoistic to see what was happening in front of his eyes, the hate that blinded him was making him spill words that he didn't mean. 

"(y/n) i don't think you're realizing what you're doing." he said almost as if you were betraying him and the boys as you packed your things. you thought this was the right choice all along and you weren't gonna get convinced, especially by someone who wasn't showing they cared or that they appreciate you in anyway (he did very much so in the end). 

"what do you want me to do chan? to pretend everything's alright? god you guys really only think about yourselves." you said and it wasn't nice but it needed to be said. you've been left in the dust for way too long to care about other people's feelings, especially if it was the 8 boys you were referring to.

"rich coming from you, you act like we don't have a job. our lives don't revolve around you!" he exclaimed but it just made you roll your eyes. you weren't talking about that, you never even once mentioned their job because you knew how busy their schedules were but it just got to the point where they didn't show that they cared, that they loved you, that they wanted you. "if you leave, you aren't coming back."

"watch me." you said as you walked out the front door and out of their lives.

seungmin felt so lost without you, he got too used to your presence. he got used to your morning kisses, you preparing his lunch for work, how you would listen to him. the thing he missed the most was your body, not really in a sexual way, he just wanted to hold you. to feel your skin against his and plant a kiss on your cheek, he wanted to kiss your lips again and love you tenderly & softly.

he didn't think much of you leaving because he knew in the end you would come back to them. when you didn't for months, he lost hope and when the boys suggested writing, he was the first one grabbing a pen and a paper. he almost seemed desperate to get these feelings out of the way.

"you think they're gonna listen to it?" jeongin asked and the older didn't know how to respond. he wanted you to hear it, for you to process the words that everyone was singing. you were always so attentive towards their lyrics that it just made sense that if you heard it, you would want to contact them right?

"i hope so, this is our last shot i think." seungmin responded and jeongin nodded as he sat down next to him to write the lyrics. everyone needed to put in a bit of effort to make a team and for it to be put out.

[ chorus : chan, seungmin & jeongin ] y si fuera por mí, estaría cerca de ti, eh (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte dе amar (i guess it's a part of love) y si fuera por mí, estaría cerca dе ti, yeah (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you, yeah) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte de amar (i guess it's a part of love)

vocalracha did the chorus, it just seemed right. jeongin finding the right words to go with the flow and chan's voice starting it were exactly what everyone was looking for. it was their way of showing they were letting go but not willingly because if it was up to all of them they would want to continue what they had with (y/n).

jeongin took it really hard when you left. like seungmin, he had hope that you would come back, that it might be a mistake or a joke in bad taste but it wasn't like that. he didn't even get to say goodbye, to tell you to take care of yourself. he wanted you so bad in every way that your presence not being there for him when he needed you the most was destroying him.

"hyung i wish i could talk to them. i'm so lost and i don't even know what to do." jeongin expressed, in the verge of crying because he just wanted you but he was stuck in the dorms not even knowing where you were.

"we gotta give them time innie, i know it's hard but we'll find a way." chan said as let the younger cry and let his worries out. even if he didn't feel like things were gonna get better, his hyung always had his back.

right now he was feeling less broken, more confident but he just wanted you to hear this song. even if you didn't want to, these were the things that needed to be said and expressed by the members. he felt like he was left in the dark, he was trapped and had no way out but right now he was seeing the light. when they were filming the music video, everything shined so bright and it took his breath away. if only you could be right there, right now. 

[ verse 1 : jisung & minho ] cerca de ti fue que sentí que ya no había más na' malo (yeah-eh) (close to you i felt like there was nothing that could be bad) cerca de ti fue que sentí que ya no había más na' de amor (close to you i felt like there was no more love) sé que me fui lastimado (ey), dejaste en mí todo raro (i know i left hurt, you left everything weird in me) yo no sé cuándo estaré sano (i don't know when i'm gonna heal) pacas y pacas, todas las gasté, stop, ¿toda esa mierda pa' qué? (bags and bags, i spent them all. stop, all of that shit for what?) ya no me sirve fumar de la maría si no e' con vo' en el hotel (now i can't smoke the maria if it's not with you in the hotel) oh-oh, no me sirve fumar si no e' con vo' en el hotel (oh-oh, i can't smoke if it's not with you in the hotel)

jisung like he said, was left with a mix of everything. the weirdness that affected him when he wasn't by your side but the way you made him believe that he could be loved again lived within him. you showed him a new side of himself, way more careful and way more calm, one that brought peace everywhere he went. he carried that when he wasn't with you because he would go crazy if he didn't.

"you're kinda different today, i like the vibe." you said as you sat down next to him and he smiled, nodding. he couldn't explain the relaxation that invaded his body whenever he found himself in the same room as you. he couldn't let go of the feeling and yet at the same time he didn't want to.

"just wanted to be with you and enjoy the moment." he mumbled burying himself in you but then coming up to give you a sweet kiss. you smiled and pulled him closer as you made out on the sofa in the 3racha + hyunjin) dorms. 

he found himself smiling at the memories and not looking back because he was confident this would catch your attention. maybe a little too cocky for his liking but he knew you all too well to know that this isn't the end but the start of something different.

minho wasn't a big smoker, yet this verse was a reminder of how fucked up you two got at the hotels when he was on tour. when he brought you along, he wasted all of his money on you and on pleasing you, whatever the baby wanted they would get. maybe he acted more like a sugar daddy and didn't realize but he couldn't care less because he wanted to spoil you rotten.

"dude are you smoking?" jisung asked him and he could just nod, of course jisung was only interested because he wanted to hop on the same train. "this is fucking harder than i thought it would be, everything i write is shit."

"i wrote my verses but i still feel like it's missing their approval." minho said laughing, a bit high already. jisung just laughed because his giggles were contagious. they would spend the whole night like this, just going back and forth with new bars but in the end settling down for the ones they had at first. there was a reason those were the first things they thought of, it was because they came out of the broken heart they were experiencing.

staying silent wasn't unusual for them but since they met you, you would always invade with your voice and say whatever you were thinking. now the silence was uncomfortable and they just wanted to hear your voice again.

[ verse 2 : changbin & hyunjin ; both ] miro pa' atrás y parece to' un chiste (i look back and it seems like a joke) yo sé que no daba y por eso te fuiste (i knew i couldn't do it and that's why you left) no sé qué le pa', no sé qué le diste (i don't know what's going on, i don't know why you gave) pero estoy nuevo, como si no exististe (but i am new like you never existed) y sé que si yo puedo, podría cualquiera (and i know if i can, anyone can do it) porque mi corazón era una heladera (because my heart was a fridge) ahora tropical entre cocos y palmeras (now tropical between coconuts and palms) con un recuerdo dulce de cómo eras tú (with a sweet memory of how you were) ah, de cómo eras tú, oh-oh-woh (ah, of how you were, oh-oh-woh) miro pa' atrás y parece to' un chiste (i look back and it all seems like a joke) yo sé que no daba y por eso te fuiste (i knew i couldn't do it and that's why you left) no sé qué le pa', no sé que le diste (i don't know what's going, i don't know what you gave) pero estoy nuevo, como si no-como si-como si- (but now i'm new, like you've never-)

changbin thought it was genuinely a joke when chan told them you weren't coming back. this is why the first lyric went like this and then they immediately thought of realizing why you left him. it's like he knew he had to accept that you were not gonna come back, that the situation got worse and that they left you behind (without wanting to). you didn't leave because you wanted to but because you had to, you were done with them. 

he was the first to try to pretend like you didn't exist, like it didn't mean a thing to him that you left. while most of them were broken and trying to pick up the pieces, changbin decided to live in his new reality where he didn't even meet you. that lasted way too little for his liking since he got reminded of you everywhere he went.

"i feel like being without you makes me feel so fucking weird." he said one time to you and you raised your eyebrow at this. he wasn't one to usually get sappy but you welcomed this moments any time they happened. "okay i know i sound like a major loser but i love you."

"i love you more and you're not a loser for expressing your feelings binnie." your voice was engraved on his mind but he still craved to call you when he felt low. he knew leaving voice messages was weird to get it out since you blocked all of them but a man had to let it out somehow.

hyunjin thought his lyrics were so stupid but somehow he knew that's the way to go. if he wanted to capture your attention somehow, he wanted it to be in a cheesy line and make it seem like he was doing fantastic. yet when he thinks of the sweet memory of you, he's brought back to you, your perfume/cologne, your smile and your hugs. it felt like home every time you held him in your arms.

"hyunjin i feel like i'm drifting away from you guys and i'm scared." he remembers you said to him this one day and he was a bit shocked. he didn't feel like that at all but there had to be a reason why you were feeling like this and not overreacting right? he knew he had to talk it out with the other guys.

"no baby, we're here for you okay? i doubt anything is gonna happen." he said and now that he thinks about it, he should've done something, he should've held you closer and reassured you even more that nothing was gonna separate you from them. he didn't, he now regrets it every day because he missed you like crazy and there was no turning back.

but he knew he still had a chance to mend things, to at least have a way to contact you if you needed anything. he didn't want your last messages to be so sad, to be blocked in your phone forever 'cause you could never be blocked on his. it was stupid but he wanted to be in your life, even if it was the bare minimum.

[ verse 3 : changbin & felix ] ¿cuántas vece' te fallé? (how many times did i fail you?) sin contar la última ve' (without counting last time) pensando volverte a ver (thinking of seeing you again) cuando llego, yo te llamo y no respondes, baby (when i arrive, i call you and you don't answer, baby) me tiene' quemándome en tu fuego (you got me burning in your fire) todo' tu' problema' lo' resuelvo (all of your problems i solve them) como un boomerang yo siempre vuelvo (like a boomerang i always come back) tengo gana' de explorar tu cuerpo (i want to explore your body) ya me lastimaste, igual no aprendo (you already hurt me, i never learn) (ya me lastimaste, igual no aprendo) (you already hurt me, i never learn) (igual no aprendo) (still i don't learn)

felix didn't think he did things wrong, he didn't feel like your falling out was justified. yeah they made a mistake, he made a mistake but all the missed calls that night would haunt him forever. he wanted to see you, to talk to you, to know how you feel and what went wrong. he still couldn't understand it even if chan tried to explain it 100 times, he wasn't convinced. he wanted another chance and he would live in delusion of you coming back if he had to. 

the last time he saw you, you two fought. he remembers it very clearly but he wants to forget it every day, he felt like it wasn't that bad. was he in the wrong? 100% but it didn't justify you walking out on them. 

"(y/n) come on, you can't be serious. even if you do feel like that, it's nothing that we can't fix!" he said when you came to visit him to talk about how you were feeling. god he was such a fucking idiot, he should've just taken you seriously and the more he thinks about it, the more he cringes at how he reacted.

when you sighed and shook your head as you left, he was so blinded by hysteria that he didn't even look at you. he remembers telling changbin this and he knew he would get mad at him but he didn't care, if a lesson needed to be taught that he behaved in a stupid manner, he deserved it. it never arrived though, changbin understood that he wasn't in the right but he also missed the red flags so he couldn't blame his friend for taking this approach.

"i just want her back bin. this song is all i fucking have and it already feels like it's done for." felix expressed and changbin just patted him on the back as he looked at the lyrics his member wrote. 

"i think we can do it though, i think everything will be alright in the end." the older said as he continued the song with his verse and together they made it work. changbin hugged him and held him close as the other one just lost himself in his hyung.

if there was a feeling worse than losing you, it was missing you felix thought.

[ chorus : chan, seungmin & jeongin ] y si fuera por mí, estaría cerca de ti, ah (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you, ah) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte de amar (i guess it's a part of love) y si fuera por mí, no me correría de tu lado (and if it was up to me, i wouldn't be moved from your side) apretados, pero ya embarcaste (tightly but you already sailed away) di todo lo que tengo por vos, pero sé que yo fui un desastre [i gave everything for you, but i know i was a disaster)

he knew his members would eventually fight him because he was the last one that saw you. the confrontation was tough because even though everyone was fond of each other, the glue that tied them together was you when the situations got hard. chan knew he didn't handle the situation well, he knew everyone was disappointed in him and blamed himself for you leaving every day. he didn't want to feel like this but it was impossible when he was so cold and distant with his words and actions.

as a leader he should've known better, as a person he should've been better. 

"hyung please don't blame yourself." seungmin said as he sat down next to him. he was the only one who didn't yell at him and yet he thought he deserved it but the youngest wouldn't do it. "it was long overdue that they were gonna leave us because of how they felt and all of the signs were there."

"yeah but i had my chance to stop it and didn't" chan expressed, rotten and bitter that he still had to put up a fight against himself. if he couldn't keep you, he wouldn't be able to keep anything, not like he cared since the only thing he wanted right now was to see you again. 

"maybe you did but we can't keep on thinking that, we need to do something about it." seungmin said and chan nodded. he was right, he couldn't leave in the shadows forever, he couldn't keep on taking the bullet because it would only make it worse for him.

he really gave everything for you but it wasn't enough. even like he said, he was a disaster and there was no changing what went down or how it happened. there was only hoping that it would all heal and you would be able to continue what you once started. or maybe there would be a part where he would have to let go finally.

jeongin got lost in a train of thought when he had to say his verse. he got completely caught up in a moment that happened so long ago that all he could do was stare as he tried to say his lyrics but chan told him to start all over again.

"innie i know it's hard but i'm always here for you." you said and that should've been sweet but it wasn't because he responded the worst way possible.

"please go (y/n), i can't do this right now." he said and it made him physically recoil. like he could not understand why he was so distant, why he felt the need to talk to you like that and of course he remembers it now that he doesn't have a chance at all.

he was mad at himself not only because of that, because of everything they made you go through. maybe it was for the best that you went away because if you did stay, things would've gotten worse. but he wouldn't go without a fight as stupid and cliche as it was, he needed to fight for you and what your love was.

[ verse 4 : hyunjin, felix & minho ] sé que mucho arriesgaste, pero mirá al final (i know you risked a lot but look at the end) paso la noche viendo las fotos que tengo de los dos (i spent the nights looking at the photos i got from both of us) cara de póker cuando mi brother pregunta: "¿qué pasó?" (poker face when my brother asks the question "what happened?") yo solo estoy enfocado en ver cómo soltarte (i'm only focused on seeing how i let you go) bebé, no quiero perderte (baby, i don't wanna lose you) pero menos que me pierdas una oportunidad (but less that you make me lose the chance) eso significa no verte, fuck mi mala suerte (that means not seeing you, fuck my bad luck) tengo que aprender a soltar (i need to learn to let go)

minho remembers taking a picture of you, it was by the han river and you were making a peace sign. late at night when no one could see him and you didn't have to hide from the public. he wanted to keep you there forever, cherish you and make you feel loved.

"god i look so bad, delete it." you said and he just shook his head as he embraced you, giving you a tight hug. covering you with his coat as the wind blew near the water, it got suddenly colder. you accepted his tenderness and love as you laid your head on his shoulder.

"you look good all the time." he said, smiling and giving you a kiss on the forehead. you blushed as you looked up to meet his eyes and then suddenly closed them to meet him in a peaceful and lovely kiss that you would be sure to remember. well at least he still remembered and felt it from time to time.

"stop daydreaming." hyunjin said as he woke up minho from his daily session of reimagining things again and he sighed, annoyed by the others' presence but he knew they had to record their lines together. "It's all about letting go now like the lyrics say."

"yeah none of us are doing a good job at that." felix said as he walked in, his hair a mess and his voice raspier than usual. he knew he wasn't doing well but this was bottom of the barrel and he just didn't know how to take care of himself anymore.

"tired of saying we'll probably get a chance when i actually don't know." minho mumbled to himself but the other two catched it and nodded along. this was gonna be a tough act to put on but they needed to keep going till the end. a bad loser was one that wouldn't even show up, at least they were trying to win something out of this.

[ chorus : jisung, chan & seungmin ] y si fuera por mí (yoh, yoh), estaría cerca de ti, yeah (and if it was up to me, i would be close to you, yeah) pero tengo que dejarte volar (but i gotta let you fly) supongo que es una parte de amar (i guess it's a part of love)

jisung was in the last chorus because that's what they decided on. he sighed as he had only one verse, the last one to make the chance count. even now he was feeling nervous for one line, he never felt this tense since he started being in stray kids and now he just wanted to shut himself off and close the door to his bedroom to not think about you. he was always invaded by memories anyways, so it's not like he could stop it but right now all the flashbacks like a movie were on his mind and he felt the tears build up.

seungmin found himself saying the last lyric of the song, thinking of the times when you would be staring at him before you two kissed. he didn't want to let go even if the song said otherwise but it would be the best option if things didn't go as planned.

"i love you minnie." you whispered to him after an award show one day. they had collected most of the trophies yet none of them felt as good as your love and having you by his side (as corny as it sounds). 

"i love you too." he whispered back and kissed your cheek as you were leaving the place were it took place. fingers intertwined and smiles on both of your faces. 

he remembered it with such love but deep pain as he pronounced his lyrics. i guess it's a part of love huh? he thought to himself as he saw the video going up, the song reaching an incredible amount of listens and going viral on every platform

maybe something good would come out of this.

+ 1

you knew it was about you and it was absolutely everywhere. you didn't have a friend who didn't send you the song and you didn't have a coworker who didn't talk about it. the new stray kids song is so sad that it will make you cry but it's still a vibe or whatever the headlines were saying. you were done with it but because your curiosity was over the roof, you knew you had to listen to it at least once.

and you did, you took in all the lyrics, all the verses and the chorus. you sighed when you finished it, is it really like this? do they really want you back? do they crave to be close to you like they say? you didn't know fully. maybe they just took in the situation and made the song for clout. but you knew them better than that and wouldn't do that if they weren't truly sorry, it was a whole mess to think about this.

you unblocked all of them, the hardest one to unblock being chan but you did it. speaking of the devil, he sent you a message as soon as you did unblock him and it was like destiny or magic or something insane because he couldn't believe he was no longer prohibited on your phone as he started spamming you. 

then soon everyone started messaging you and it felt like the old times, bringing back a smile to your face. it looks like they really did miss you and wanted you back.

you opened seungmin's chat and wrote just two words.

one chance.

[theonewithval]

The day when tiva shippers won: an unneeded and unrequested reaction chronicle by theonewithval

February 28, 2024.

I'm about to have dinner, when I start seeing THINGS on my tl on twitter. Apparently the big bomb is about to drop. I've been on the edge of my seat for more than a week now, IS IT ACTUALLY HAPPENING TODAY?

TICK.

I can't. My heart is pounding. My mom keeps talking about a million other things and I just can't focus, I can't even understand what she's saying. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. Everybody on twitter is having the same reaction, I'm not the only one whose anxiety is over the roof. It's something that is going to change my life, of that I'm certain. I need to get whatever they're planning to tell us NOW.

My mom calls me: dinner is ready. What if something happens while I'm eating and I miss it? I'm feeling so nervous, my legs are shaking and I feel weak, and I don't know whether it's because I'm hungry and need to eat, or because of the thought of the big news I might get today.

I finish eating, I pick up my phone, immediately checking twitter, again.

TICK.

WAIT WHAT IS THIS TICK TICK BOOM THING? I'M LOSING MY MIND. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY LONGER. I FEEL LIKE TONY DINOZZO WHEN HE GETS OUT THE CAR IN JUDGEMENT DAY AND YELLS. YES I'M ABOUT TO YELL.

My mind starts racing: what if something happens when I'm sleeping and I'm not here to see it? I WOULD MISS THE CHAOS. NOPE. NOT A CHANCE. I CAN'T SLEEP LIKE THIS. I hop into bed, switch my tv on. I need to get my mind off this or I think I'm gonna pass out. Seriously. Italia's got talent is on tv, I'm gonna watch that.

*checks her phone and twitter every two minutes*

What if they drop the bomb at 9est? My god, I can't live like this. THIS HAS TO HAPPEN NOW. I CAN'T SLEEP WITH THAT THOUGHT IN MY MIND. IT WOULD BE 3AM HERE, AND NOW IT'S 10PM.

I text @sweetsouldhavernas: I need support. At this point, it can either be any minute now or in a couple of hours. We kinda start losing hope, maybe we're going to have to wait more, BUT WE CAN'T ANYMORE.

*prays and cries in italian*

I switch my tv off, at this point I'm not even paying attention to it. People on twitter have completely gone crazy, posting old tiva pics, hoping for a miracle. I furiously refresh my tl every two seconds. Yes, literally. And then...

BOOM.

THE BOMB DROPS. THE MIRACLE HAPPENS. A tvline article on my tl, with a pic of Tony and Ziva stuck in the elevator, at the end of season 9. I THOUGHT THE EARTH MOVED. YES, EVERYTHING IS MOVING, SPINNING AROUND ME. MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST I CAN'T CONTROL IT. MY HANDS AND MY LEGS ARE SHAKING. THANK GOD I'M IN BED OR I WOULD FALL ON THE GROUND. TONY AND ZIVA. TOGETHER. IN A SPIN OFF. THE BIGGEST THING I EXPECTED WAS A CAMEO, BOTH OF THEM IN THE ORIGINAL SERIES. LIKE ARE WE SERIOUSLY GETTING THEM, FOR TEN EPISODES, BEING A COUPLE, BEING A FAMILY, RAISING THEIR DAUGHTER, LOVING EACH OTHER? INSANE, JUST INSANE.

*starts typing nonsense*

*completely loses control of her hands, uncontrollably shaking, not being able to type properly*

*rants in italian*

I feel like we won the world cup. We did it, my friends, we did it tiva nation. And it feels so freaking amazing. I keep watching us slowly finding out what the future holds for us, and we have never won like this. It's so incredible, I can't believe it. Time passes and I don't even realize it's 1am here, I won't be able to sleep, I've got a headache but I don't care, it's been so worth it.

Jokes aside, it's been a lot to process and I think I haven't 100% realized what happened, still feels like a fever dream, but what I can say is that this has literally been one of the most important moments in a fandom, one of the happiest. I've been in this fandom since 2012, twelve years and still counting. I want to hug 17 years old me and tell her it's gonna be okay, that we're gonna have them back, that she's still gonna scream and lose her mind because of them. This girl was 17 when she first saw them in under covers, her first episode ever and fell in love with them. This girl back in 2013 thought they were never going to see each other again, that she lost her most important ship ever. This girl, when family first aired, spent the whole morning after the episode aired, crying in bed for one of her favorite fictional characters ever, because not only she lost her, Ziva, but she lost her ship again, one more time, this time in such a terrible way. They had a child, yes, but they didn't have the chance to be together and I was furious. It was a sensitive subject, every time the reruns aired on my tv every year and I missed so much it hurt. But then, in 2019, we found out there was still hope after all. Ziva was still alive. She reunited with Tony in 2020, with their little girl, finally free to love and to be loved. And now we're here? About to witness them being a couple, a family, raising their daughter, bantering like an old married couple, flirting, working together, getting what everybody of us has always wished for, but thought it was too big of a thing?

If this is a dream, then don't wake me up. It's gonna be amazing, I know that, for sure.

[backagainpodcast]

Hello! I absolutely love BABA, it is everything I need in a comfort media, especially during exam season. Do you have any advice for people looking into writing podcasts? Like audio editing programs or writing tips or anything else that's come up in your process? If you do, thanks so much! But regardless, I adore this podcast and I hope you're having a wonderful day!

hello! thank you so much for listening, and I really really hope your exams go well <<33

My writing advice is the kind that I feel like deserves to get me shook, but it's the truest I know --- write a lot, write every day or as often as you can manage it, write like it is the thing that you must do to keep you alive. Write like it's at the top of your to-do list, write knowing that as long as you write something that day, whatever else happens, it can be enough. Choose a word count and try to reach it every day. Choose a duration of time and make sure you set it aside. Just --- write. Note the things that are important to you and mean the most to you, and you'll never run out of ways to talk about them.

When I am drafting, I aim for 500 words a day (but please god find what works for you don't take this as anything other than an example.) Sometimes I kick and scream to that point and don't go any further. Oftentimes, after 500, the words are loose enough that I can keep going. Stack 'em up. The more you have, the less each one matters. The longer you get into the habit of hitting a word count, the easier it is to do!!

From the podcasting side of things, I have no idea what I'm doing, ever, which means that I am NOT the best person to get good advice from, but I CAN tell you how to duct-tape a podcast together. My tips---

Take the time to learn how to use Audacity (or whatever audio editing software you'd like -- audacity is just FREE, we LOVE) get yourself a mic that fits in your budget (my blue yeti has been going solid for years and years and has survived several moves!), and get talkin'.

Likewise, take your time editing. Get a sense of how much you can reasonably do between episodes, and don't overwork yourself. It's better to have a consistent schedule for releases than a sporadic one, even if that means episodes are farther apart :) BABA comes out twice a month and I could not consistently do any more without losing my mind. Maybe that's not the case for you, but figure it out!!

Uh --- I use Anchor, which is now "Spotify for Podcasters," because, again, it's free. Freemusicarchive.org is where BABA's theme music (Nightingales by Pierce Murphy) comes from, and just do some googling about what each attribution right means so you're respecting people's wishes.

I also cannot recommend enough writing the whole season before you start recording. Editing and recording and editing episodes is enough every two weeks -- I couldn't imagine also having to write the episode on top of that :')

(But again -- maybe you're different!! Maybe it's no problem for you! The biggest thing is figuring out how you can stretch and how you cannot and adapting.)

But I think the biggest thing is having a story that you want to tell and that excites you, if no one else. It's going to be a lot of talking to yourself in empty rooms and listening to yourself through headphones and the only way to get through is to love something about it :')

I finally must encourage you to take all of this with a grain of salt, as I'm just Some Guy with no real qualifications except that I snuck in the back door and no one kicked me out fast enough. But that is the glorious thing about audio drama!!! Anyone can make anything!!!

Good luck, good luck, and always reach back out if there's something more substantial I can help you with :)

Very best, always,

Abigail <3

[duketibbitswaifu]

🌸 Selfshiptober 🌸 💗 Day 11 : Comfort | Recovery 💗

🌸 TW// drug abuse mention, suicidal ideation mention 🌸

"Rosemary"

My ears perk up, a familiar croaky voice breaking my concentration. We're usually both asleep by now, but I was up working on my project. We had been sleeping together for nearly a year now, but he had affirmed me that it wouldn't be a problem for him.

I turn to him. He was standing in the doorway, his eyes sunken and tired. He was wearing his same battered wifebeater, and just some underwear: his normal sleeping garment. His wrinkles were highlighted by the dim light coming from my laptop screen.

"Duke? Are you okay?" I call out. His face lowered, and he scratched the back of his head.

"I was just thinkin'. Layin' in bed without you..." He paused, as if he shouldn't be saying anything right now. "It made me think how much I need you in my life. I don't want anything to help to you."

I invite him to sit with me, patting the cushion beside me. He takes the offer, coming into full vision. I could see his eyes are wet, and he's shaking a little.

"What happened at the lake..." He says it in a murmur, but it's enough to make my heart beat faster. I almost forgot about the lake. I peer down at my wrist. The bruise had nearly healed, being just a pale yellow now, but the memory was fresh in my mind again.

"I just wanted to apologize.... for everything." He takes a pause every so often, like he's trying to find the words to say next. His voice is shaky, contrasting his usual iron-tough nature. His eyes were darting to place to place, everywhere but me. "Me and Janice have been talking, about how I should tell you this."

I cup his cheek in my palm, running over his large scar. "Duke, you can tell me. Please, you mean so much to me."

His amber eyes finally meet mine. He takes a deep breath, in and out. "Rachel... my last wife."

His breathing erupts again, his eyes turning into a flowing fountain. He falls into my shoulder, sobbing. He wraps his arms around me, holding me as if he's afraid to let go, like I'd be washed away into nothing.

"It was all my fault. It's my fault she died. It should'a been me. I used to wish every day it was me instead of her. I used to just put that shit in my body, hopin' to some damed god it'd make the pain go away. I used t'see her all the damn fuckin' time."

He had more scars than you could see. No matter how many times I've explored his body, taking note of each blemish and scab, taking note of all the roads his wrinkles lead; there was still scars deep down.

"I saw in her that lake. I haven't seen her in so long, but I saw her in that lake."

I freeze. Thoughts start running through my head, trying to process everything I just heard. I don't recall anything but us two at the pond, and I've always had the ability to feel nearby spirits. And he's been weening off the drugs ever since we met.

But now my focus is on him himself. I run my hand through his tousled, slicked back hair. "Baby, it's-" and now I'm crying. "It's okay. It's not your fault."

"I just don't want to lose you. You mean too much to me."

"I'm not going anywhere."

He peers into my eyes, his breathing growing steady. He falls into my arms, letting himself go limp again, allowing me to bear his weight.

"I love you Dukey."

"I love you too, Rose. I won't let anything happen to you."

I decided my project can wait. We slept together in the living room that night. We covered ourselves in the blankets we drape around the chairs.

We held each other close. I could hear his breathing as I fell asleep. It was much more steady than before. And even though I could hardly see him, I can tell he looked a lot more comfortable.

-----

You must've been lookin' for me Sendin' smoke signals Pelicans circling Burnin' trash out on the beach 🌺 Smoke Signals - Phoebe Bridgers [ ♡ ]

[lolaskmeanything]

I honestly feel like I am going insane. I have been a moody emotional mess and I don't know how to control it. Thank god none of you know me, and I can never really get consequences from telling this, but I am on my period and I was sitting on the toilet and a blood clot slipped out. Normal, it happens all the time, right? But why in Earth did I think that it was a mscarriage. I mean the probability suggests that it was probably a blood clot, but something in me kind of says you fucked up. I was thinking back to the past few montsh though and it simply doesn't make sense. Dude I don't know and I am going to assume it was a blood clot since I don't want to think I miscarried a child.

I am also wildly obsessed with Drew. I am not sure what I did ti deserve him, but he is literally amazing. He is sweet and thoughtful and kind and want to make me feel cared for and appreciated. He isn't afraid to express how he feels about me and to make everything that much better hes so fucking hot. He is so easy to be comfortable with and I love that I can fully embrace who I am when I am with him and he wants more. I just love hanging out with him and and like waiting for him to ask me to be offically his girlfriend. I really hope it happens soon. We are both on the same page about not wanting to rush anything, and I don't, but on the other hand, I know I fully want him. Why wouldn't I want ti make someone as amazing as him all my own? FUCK FUCK FUCK! This is so scary.

These are the two things that have been making my mind reel. I really like drew, but I am nervous he is going to get bored or annoyed or something. I really am nervous this is gonna get fucked up and I really don't want that. I really am invested in this and I don't remember the last time I had something so good. The blood clot thing I cxan't fathom it being a fetus in my toilet plus all signs point to it just purely being blood.

I am honestly very tired and need to go to sleep now, but I have been off my game with everything and I need to find a good routine again. Every time I feel like I have it, I lose it, but progress doesn't mean we are only going up, it is the process to get to the top which includes some fuck ups. Okay, I'm signing off. Love my readers even though there is about 0 HA! Goodnight <3

[alls-fair-in-pride-and-prejudice]

Silver Stars - pt 7 of Weaving Constellations

Part 1 / Part 6 / Part 8

This is an ongoing story of Gale and my warlock Tav building off canon. If you'd like to be added to the tag list to get notified of new parts you can go here.

A/N: In the first ever story I wrote Lyra for (before she even had a name and was just 'The Astronomer'), she developed her own magical powers without the aid of a patron, but her relationship to her magic teacher was so much like a patron/warlock pact that when I used her as a base for a DnD character, I chose warlock. However, in BG3 I really wanted to use the sorlock build, and this worked well for the journey I wanted her character to go on, so I'm very happy to explore this in fanfic since it isn't a thing in game for anyone to notice that you get scales and sorcerer powers overnight.

Tag List: @vespaer77 @odd-dragon

When Lyra wakes, the first thing she takes note of is that everything itches. She starts scratching where the itching is worst: her cheeks and down her neck. At the first few scratches she freezes in panic. That's not what skin feels like.

Her stomach turns at the thought that she might be transforming. Her mind reels, wondering what she should do. Her immediate instinct is to run to Gale, as he seemed rather informed on the process before, and he's less likely to kill her outright like Lae'zel is, but what if the others have transformed as well? What if Lyra loses control around the others and hurts them?

She runs through the list of companions in her mind, trying to deduce which one is least likely to kill her in shock, but also which one Lyra is least likely to hurt should she lose control.

Karlach. She's a trusted friend and that girl can survive anything.

Lyra peeks out of her tent. The sky is just beginning to lighten. It seems Lyra has woken early. She creeps to Karlach's tent, finding the tiefling sprawled out on her bedroll. Lyra almost makes the mistake of nudging her awake, and instead whispers urgently to get her attention. “Karlach! Karlach, I need your help." 

Karlach mumbles sleepily. "Sparkles? Wha’s wrong?” She rubs her bleary eyes, sitting up slightly to look at Lyra. Whatever she sees, it wakes her up quickly. “Woah, what happened to you??" 

Lyra buries her face in her hands in shame. "Oh gods am I transforming? I need to get out of camp. Tell the others what happened, okay? And that I hope you all stay alive and-”

"Soldier, hang on!” Karlach interrupts. "You- have you seen yourself yet? Last I checked mindflayers don't have scales. Got a good look at several up close so I should know. These are more… like dragon scales really.”

Lyra's brow furrows, and she can feel the way the scales on her skin shift and crinkle with the expression. “But…but I'm not…”

"Sparkles, have you got dragon ancestry???”

"How in the nine hells would I know? My parents didn't mention anything, they were just… humans.”

They were bards though, naturals really at weaving magic into their works. Her mother said it was a family trait, that they have always had an inclination for the more intuitive forms of magic.

Still, why choose to show itself now? She's in danger and under stress surely, but if that were the case wouldn't it have emerged on the nautiloid?

Lyra thinks of the magic that Gale showed her, how it came from within her, and felt so at home.

Well, trials and experimentation, that's what any good scholar will do. She attempts to summon some form of magic that does not come from her patron. She can sort it out easily, that glittery fae glamor that has settled in her soul, and she tries to dig deeper. The first element that comes to mind is cold. The deep frosts that never melt and mists over snow capped mountains. This is not just deeper in her soul, this is ancient.

She directs it outwards to a nearby rock, and discovers with delight as it and the surrounding grass are immediately covered in a layer of frost.

“That wasn't my pact magic, Karlach…” Lyra murmurs with growing delight.

"Are you-”

"I think I'm a sorcerer.”

"Silver dragon, if the scales are anything to go by.”

"What am I going to tell the others?” Lyra asks, suddenly panicked.

“Uh, something like ‘good news everyone I've got even more magic than I thought!’ Pretty sure they'll all take that well.”

Wizards and sorcerers have a notorious rivalry. Lyra hopes this won't change her relationship with Gale.

And oh gods what will her patron say.

Lyra buries her face in her hands, taking a deep breath before putting on a smile. “Yeah, you're right. This is good news! I can't wait to tell everyone." 

Lyra goes back to her tent, testing out the feel of these newly awakened powers in her, and rehearsing what she's going to say. She also conjures a few additional cantrips, based on what feels right inside her, just to be absolutely certain this is sorcery.

It definitely doesn't feel like her pact magic. This feels so distinctly her, and it wouldn't make sense anyway for her patron to bestow new powers on her when he hasn't been speaking to her.

Once she can hear the sounds of breakfast beginning in camp, she emerges from her tent. Gale is scrambling some eggs over the fire, his back turned towards her. The first to notice her is Astarion, his eyes that instinctually scan his surroundings landing on her, and he hides any surprise that shows on his face right away. Karlach looks up next, grinning ear to ear. The exhaust vents on her shoulders seem to be working overtime. “Good morning everyone… I uh… have an announcement of sorts.”

Wyll, Shadowheart, and Lae'zel all look up now, varying degrees of surprise and intrigue on their faces, but Gale keeps his eyes on his task, focused on fishing out a bit of eggshell that fell in the pan. "Good morning, Lyra, don't mind me I am all ears." 

“Yes, please do elaborate on this most fascinating development," Astarion purrs, eyes flicking from Gale to Lyra. Of course he would enjoy the drama.

“Well, I uh, I have Gale to credit for this, in part, I suspect. You see, he gave me a lesson on channeling the weave last night. And…it just made so much sense. All the way down to my bones. And uh… well I woke up different, as you can see." 

“You are blessed to have draconic blood in your veins, an honor that will serve you well in battle. A pity it was not a red dragon, I would have liked to see you sear the flesh of our enemies," Lae’zel remarks.

“This is quite the adjustment to come to terms with, I'm sure, are you sure you're alright to retrieve the druid today?" Wyll asks.

“Yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm…better than fine really." 

Gale looks up from the pan, first at everyone else sitting around the fire, “Wait, have I missed something? What is this about draconic blood-" he turns to look at Lyra and his eyes go wide. “Ah, that… that would explain it." 

Lyra feels her face heat in shame at the way he looks at her. “Does…I haven't had a chance to see my reflection yet, actually. I've only gone off feel and what Karlach told me before everyone else woke up… does it…how do I look?”

“They're like diamonds," Gale breathes, “like the stars themselves have embedded in your skin." He clears his throat, ducking his head. “That is to say, it suits you. I am glad, most glad indeed, to have been a catalyst in unlocking a connection to the weave. A quite different one, than I experience, to be certain, but a connection nonetheless."

Lyra’s cheeks heat for an entirely different reason now, and she smiles bashfully. “I'm still working out these powers. I'll probably rely on what I know today, but they still might come in handy. I feel… stronger. More alive, more myself." 

“I can confidently say we are all happy for you, and not just because unlocking new powers will help the rest of us survive this ordeal," Shadowheart jokes.

After they have rescued the druid, and received more questions than answers, then endured the grueling endeavor of fighting a horde of goblins - though with a few well-placed words to the spiders in the cages, and a cunning deal with the ogres, it is certainly easier than it could have been - Lyra is completely spent. The last thing she wants to do is have a party. She would much rather fall on her bedroll and sleep for a day or two, or at the very least curl up with a book by the river and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Yet, she cannot say no to the tieflings. They have suffered so much and deserve a night of happiness before they return to the dangers of the road. Wyll has stolen her planned brooding spot by the lake, he certainly needs it more than she does, she concludes, so she seeks out Shadowheart at the farthest reach of camp, far enough away from the noise of the party to perhaps enjoy a drink.

Then Shadowheart makes a remark about Gale making “eyes" at her, whatever that means. Surely he would not have such intentions, knowing what he knows. Yet still, Lyra, for once, does not feel complete annoyance at the prospect that he would be interested in her. She could never reciprocate, of course, but she admires him enough now that she finds it more flattering than disappointing, and the only downside is that it would interfere with their friendship.

She weaves her way through the party goers, stopping to offer some inspiration to Alfira and check in with Zevlor. Gale smiles warmly at her approach, then returns his gaze to the stars. "It's a beautiful night,” he reflects, "nothing like a brush with danger to make you appreciate the majesty of the celestial canvas.”

Lyra, forever a lover of the stars, sidles up to Gale to see what he sees. Perhaps to point out which constellation they look at. He clears his throat, shifting just slightly at her closeness. "This is a view I once would have enjoyed with my companion, though certainly unaccompanied by such revelry. She preferred it when we were alone, curled up by the fireplace, an esoteric time between us, ink glinting in the firelight." 

Ah, of course, Lyra remembers Mystra, and steps to give him some distance. Perhaps Gale has sensed that his behavior has been interpreted as romantic, and this is his way of reminding Lyra his heart belongs to another. “Given what you've told me of her, I'm surprised Mystra would enjoy such simple mortal pleasures." 

Gale's eyes widen. “Oh! No no, you misunderstand. I speak of Tara, my tressym, my assistant, and my constant companion through all the trials my hubris has wrought upon me.” He smiles, looking out at the party and the revelers. "She would be impressed by our efforts today, I think, in saving these people. Proud, even.”

He tells her more about Tara, and Lyra is happy to listen. She once spent some time in Waterdeep, and wonders absentmindedly if in another life she might have helped Gale with his condition sooner. They probably never would have met in less unusual circumstances, a proud archmage and a magic school dropout, but Lyra finds that helping him now feels insufficient. She wishes she could reach into Gale's past and ease the pain that occurred before they met, especially when he seems to remark with a guilty tone about how long he has spent dependent on other's help. "It feels good to help someone else, even if it is not true repayment to you or Tara.”

Gale looks down at his wine glass, swirling the contents. "Have you heard from your patron? Since that…debacle with the fey artifact.”

Lyra shakes her head, pulling her arms close to herself in something resembling a hug. "No, I haven't. It's… it's a good thing I have tapped into my draconic ancestry, since I may not be able to develop my warlock powers any further. If he leaves, I'll still have what he gave me, but the waiting is…" 

“I know what you mean, that dragging emptiness as you're uncertain what any next day may bring. I truly regret the situation I have put you in, and I am infinitely grateful that you chose to help me. I only wish I could repay you, but I shall endeavor to do so in every way I can." 

“Your magic lesson already provided me with a replacement to Midnight's power, so on that front I would consider us even." Lyra strokes at the small collection of scales that sit on the back of her hands. The situation may have also lost her Midnight's love, but she chooses not to mention that.

“Then please, feel free to avail yourself of my expertise and tutelage any time it strikes your fancy. Consider myself at your disposal as your personal tutor every night from here to Moonrise.”

“You may come to regret saying that,” Lyra teases, “I was notoriously insatiable for knowledge in school, to the annoyance of many teachers I’m sure wished to only go home at the end of a long day.”

“I can relate,” Gale says with a chuckle, “and I suppose that is a risk I am willing to take, for such a dear friend.”

Friends. It is a word that carries such warmth behind it, something Lyra hasn’t felt in a long time. She looks out at the celebration, realizing that she has friends. Actual friends. Not classmates, not a patron, not lovers… friends.

Despite all the turmoil it took to get here, and all that lies ahead, it’s a good feeling. It’s almost worth it.

Her tadpole wiggles in recognition and she looks over to Gale, meeting his gaze. They establish a subtle link and the feelings she receives from Gale are almost identical to hers, so close in fact that she almost mistakes them for her own feelings. She leans in closer to him, shoulders bumping against each other as she turns her gaze out to the party with a new view, looking out at the joyful celebration with two sets of eyes. “You’re right… It is a very nice night.”

[crossdressingdeath]

Withers: Thou remainest in thy chains. Separate from the light of the world. Removed from its temptations. Thou feared thou would be a slave to thy desires. Dost thou still fear that which lurks within thee? Hast thy cruel father taken all of thee that thou once was? Kyvir: End... me... please... Withers: There thou art. Amid the ravenings of thy cruel sire - thy soul, intact. The realm of men will forget thee, books left bare, to be filled with falsehood, myth, and superstition. The tapestry of fate, however, will not forget. Nor will I. Rest well, friend. Thou deservest as much. Till next we meet, remember: Thou gave all thou wert to save lives, to reclaim the world from a fate most dire.

Because if I came across a friend who was begging me to kill them my response would for sure be "Ah, I see you still have enough of your mind left to be in a state of constant suffering! Good to see! Right then, I'm off. Good luck with the inevitable descent into murderous madness!" Withers really is such a good friend and definitely doesn't just want to use Durge for some unclear purpose that feral Durge is no longer suited for. Also like. "Dost thou still fear that which lurks within thee" well Withers given Durge is currently in the process of irreparably losing their mind to the ceaseless need for slaughter I imagine everything left of their mind is pretty scared! Also I don't think this is going to be particularly restful for them.

But god, imagine how awful this would be for Durge. Locked in a cell knowing that if they get out they will kill people whether they want to or not, feeling their mind breaking under Bhaal's assault and knowing that the best they can hope for is for someone to kill them, or failing that for their mind to break to such an extent that they stop being aware of what's happening to them. The feral ending is so horrible for Durge, and one of many moments that make me wonder why the game insists that Chosen Durge is pure evil for the sake of being evil while also having all these scenes that show just what an awful idea defying Bhaal actually is, given Bhaal could presumably have done this at any point if he chose to.