#god i love talking about thomastair

[drunkonimagination]

Do you think Thomastair will have kids? ❤️

hiii 💖 uhhh, very good question.

well....i think they will eventually have kids, but at the same time i can totally see them being the cool and funny uncles to their friends' children and deciding not to adopt, especially since they already have zachary, who, despite not actually living with them, definitely spends quite a lot time with his brother and thomas <3 i bet they go to cirenworth every other day and zachary absolutely adores his dadash and tom and wants to stay with them all the time when they go visit (imagine him being super exciting everytime they are supposed to come, like he wakes up super early and starts jumping on his mum's bed screaming at the top of his lungs 'dadash and tom are coming today !!!! i can't wait !!!!!! maman wake up !!!!!!!!' and sona loves his baby too much to complain also how could she ever blame him when thomas is a literal angel on this earth who treats her beautiful son like the most precious thing in the world, is the man even real-)

anyway

it's basically canon that they both dote on kids and we can totally see it in the christmas party scene(s) aka the scenes that altered my brain chemistry forever so no way that among their friends' children they won't become everyone's favorite uncles....they're both kind, funny, caring, affectionate....kids just adore them and want to play with them all the time. so why not adopting kids themselves once zachary is a bit older and they're, idk, around their 30s? i absolutely love this scenario as well *sobs* and i think they would make such good parents 😭

but yesss, i cherish both the perspectives....adopting kids at some point and taking care of their own children too or just looking after zachary and being constantly adored by their friends' kids 🥺

[edwinspaynes]

What are your top 5-10 Thomastair headcanons?

Oh my God lmao I have SO many Thomastair headcanons. Not sure I can pick a top 10, but here are my 10 favourites. Some of them you may recognize as recurring things in my fic!

If you have read one of my best fics, this is one you'll recognize: film junkie Alastair. He's so interested in movies as an art form, and his interest and passion get Thomas into cinema, too. At the start of their relationship, they go to films around London, but they branch out pretty quickly. They go to places like New York, and Boston, and LA. Matthew even gets them into a Phantom of the Opera premiere in Paris and orchestrates a meeting between them and the director. It's something that Thomas and Alastair do together for their entire lives until they finally get a TV when they're 70 and in their little condo.

Thomas still retains his schoolboy diaries... and they are completely filled with, like, "La la la Alastair is so funny... and so amazing.... he spoke to me today..." etc. Alastair discovers this while they're moving and, with Thomas's consent, conducted a hilarious dramatic reading for just the two of them. To this day, he still does this sometimes, and it always makes them laugh.

Thomas and Alastair learn to cook all of each other's favourite meals. Usually Thomas makes breakfast and Alastair makes dinner, but sometimes they'll switch it up. Or they'll cook together. But yes I think that they learn all of the other one's favorite recipes and surprise the other one sometimes. I think that Thomas learns from Sona and Risa, and Alastair learns primarily from Eugenia.

Thomas scratches his nose when he feels awkward in social settings. It's a tell that no one notices besides Alastair, who is both observant and emotionally close to Thomas. He teases him about it excessively, but he also will use it as a cue and like, keep him comfortable when in group situations.

You'll be familiar with this one if you've ever read my smut. When Thomas and Alastair first started to get physical post-infirmary scene, Thomas was uncomfortable with speaking about sex and Alastair noticed. So he started using outdated sex euphemisms to get him to feel comfortable and laugh with him so he can feel safe talking about it. And it WORKED. Over time, though, after a couple of months, Thomas became more naturally comfortable and confident. But the euphemisms stayed. And they made it a game to one-up each other in weirdness and entertainment value of the antiquated terms. And then it became "no matter what we are currently doing, pause and guess the year the term is from." It's like this huge private inside joke for them that's intimate and hilarious.

Thomas and Alastair are both extremely close to Zachary. When Zachary is a young child, he genuinely believes that both Thomas and Alastair are his dads. Sona has to correct him, and he is floored.

One of Thomas's biggest flaws is that he's super petty. Like, if Alastair does something minorly annoying, he will passive-aggressively hint to it. I wrote a fic where Alastair accidentally eats his truffles so he decided to get back at him by putting some of his things too high for him to reach around the house. But he's also just as ridiculously doting. Like. He goes to replace his truffles and also brings Alastair a second box because he loves him

I think one of the best things about Thomastair is that they're always like. Teammates. Even when they're upset with each other, it's like, they will support each other through anything. It is a kind of love you don't see very often. I feel like the ONLY other time I've seen this is with Herondaisy, but yeah.

This is totally canon, but they're the capital-C PDA Couple. I love this about them. Booo. Get a room.

Eventually, when they're in their late 50s, Thomas and Alastair retire to Paris together. They get a condo high above the Champs Elysees and fill it with books and artwork, and there's a passage from their room to their roof so they can go up and look at the stars.

[zoyalannister]

yes exactly, she used that space to gain representation points, even if it makes no sense the way and that obviusly is going to be awkward for flora to be with anna and ari in their first travel together because if cc sees anna as grief-free and happier than ever, then she would be affectionate with ari. maybe they even have to share suites even with different rooms, or share even rooms as women in that time wouldnt take a room to themselves in certain places, so it would be awkward.

also i noticed the end also has family scenes in one way or another of everyone except gabriel and cecily, which i don't get if it is to say they get excluded from the group , as in the last scene everyone was talking to someone not from the direct family except them that were alone with their youngest.

in the end there is also a scene where thomas and alastair are mentioning domestic stuff related to zachary like getting him a dog, they have been together so little, and zachary has a mother, why do they talk like they are the parents? there is not this approach with james and cordelia with him who are more solid in that moment

In my opinion giving more space to Gabrily would have made CC gain representation points, since they’re the ones who canonically accepted their daughter’s homosexuality and, unlike all the other characters that accepted their non straight children without beating an eye in 1903, for them it actually make sense.

Or, another representation, could have been revealing that Thomas is so scared of letting anyone know he is gay despite literally no one has problems wirh Anna being out and proud, is that he overheard Gideon tell Gabriel something like "are you sure you’re actually okay with Anna liking women?" and in ChoT Thomas and Gideon could have had an emotional talk about Gideon accepting him. It would have made more sense both for Thomas’s character and because we know Gideon since TID and the readers care about him.

But Flora popped out from literally nowhere, I don’t even remember if we knew her name before ChoT and now she is suddenly one of the best mothers.

Anon, don’t let me start about how shit Gabrily were treated in this book. Gabriel sees his batshit crazy sister holding a knife against his toddler's throat and says nothing?! Are you fucking kidding me?!

I totally believe that if Gabrily's personality hadn’t been devastated in this shit series, they would have probably sorted out the entire plot, resolved the miscommunication between Anna and Ari and saved Grace from Tatiana all in 40 pages.

But they had to be treated like shit and put aside even in their important moments. They were literally brought their son’s body but we are told that Tessa and Will cry because the idiots they have for children are alive in London and Gabrily aren’t even mentioned. Are you fucking kidding me?? Why should I care about Wessa??

And the fact that they are isolated in the end it makes sense to me, idk where you live, but unfortunately in my country is quite common that people leave alone a grieving family and since no one of the others cared about Kit, except for Henry Fairchild, in my head it makes sense that they all left Gabrily alone in their grief.

I will tell you a hot take, anon: if Wessa was done dirty one tenth of how much Gabrily was done dirty in this shit book (and series), the general consensus would be our opinion.

About Thomastair you’re 100% right: no one in their right mind thinks about family, a dog, adopting children with the person they've been dating just six months. Also Thomas and Alastair are so emotionally immature that they couldn’t even talk to each other about their own feelings until after they have sex, but somehow I have to believe they have this strong and pure love just because they're a MM couple.

They're barely able to take care of themselves, they shouldn’t have dogs or, god forbid, children at least for 5 or 10 years, when they'll maybe be mature people.

I think that Cassandra tried to recreate Malec 2.0, with the difference that Malec are more mature than Thomastair and they adopt Max after two years of relationship, since at that point both Magnus and Alex are mature enough to take care of a child.

Thomastair instead are too immature to have a conversation, why should I believe they are ready to adopt a child?

This book is just nonsense garbage.

[purplebass]

I'm having tough days and I don't feel like interacting with people. I'm keeping irl interaction to a minimum because of personal reasons (mainly, I am not okay and I'm retreating into myself and into my sense of loss), but I want to interact with people here. I don't want to lose human touch. I feel like I can talk freely if I talk to everyone and anyone at the same time.

What am I doing? Not that anyone cares but.

Aside from studying because of an upcoming exam (one of the causes of my distress atm), I am writing. Well, this is nothing new. I'm writing different pieces at the same time. One is a missing scene from TOP featuring Kell and Lila, because they are one of the few fictional reasons I'm able to go on. I love exploring their dynamics. Another piece is about my dear blackdale. I am ready to write some M-rated stuff about them set in the future. I'm also writing other pieces featuring thomastair, even tho those ideas aren't fleshed out yet. And then? I'm also reading.

I'm reading Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross at the moment. What caught me was the cover (they remind me of Wessa but also of Blackdale aesthetically). I have read half so far, and I was hooked from the prologue. I find Iris and Roman cute even though the whole gods thing is still a little unclear to me, but alas, I haven't finished the book yet.

These are the things that are getting me going right now. Life savers, while I feel lonely and lost. My mood is a bit dark lately and I don't even know how to put it into words. I just feel empty, lost, at loss. Without feelings. As if I'm barely surviving. I don't know how to shake my shoulders and wake up and do something to change this situation. Part of it is while I'm keeping people at a safe distance irl: I don't have anything to say nor to offer. My life is an endless cycle of the same old, the same old. I'm in a loop, and I can't came out of it. I don't know how. Later I'll see my therapist. No idea if he has any clues, but I'll try to talk about this with him, even though I believe no one can really help me, if not myself.

[anarmorofwords]

https://at.tumblr.com/anarmorofwords/in-case-anyone-cares-i-read-chot-it-was-an-utter/7a2hckflfe8l of course we care dummy, and I'm sorry you didn't like the book 🥺

Do you wanna talk about it? What didn't you like? What did you want to happen in it? :0

thank you boooo <3

well i don't wanna spread negativity for those who enjoyed it (are there specific hashtags for that? I've not been here for a while) so fair warning!!! SCROLL AWAY IF YOU DONT WANNA SEE CHOT HATE

first of all, I felt nothing while reading. it all just fell so flat. the tragic scenes, the romance scenes, the conflict, I was utterly inert.

for some reason she managed to make those 700 pages drag for forever while also HAVING SO LITTLE PLOT DEAR GODS. almost all the things I was most looking forward happened off page or were so terribly rushed I barely registered they were happening before they were over.

there was so much ridiculous deus ex machina?! and things that were just... stupid?

the romances were all cringy and so over the top written. I did enjoy most of thomastair, but even then it lacked tension - I felt like she literally went with the same pattern for every romance, if ridiculous obstacles and keeping the pair away with needlessly long overdramatic inner monologue while it was obvious they want to be together to then actually getting closer but denying it to eventually big revelation, but I feel it was just that? ger going through steps she found necessary? there was nothing organic about it, no real communication, just those big pompous two page talks at some point. the pompous talks themselves also made me roll my eyes. "I brush me teeth" was actually the best love declaration in the whole book, aside from Alastair talking in Persian.

[drunkonimagination]

ahh thank you so much for the tag v!! 💖

fav colour: wine red/forest green

currently reading: gideon the ninth (i actually finished it yesterday and it was so damn good. no really, read this book right now. do it for the lesbians)

last song: glory and gore by lorde

sweet/spicy/savoury: hmm probably savoury? but i can't deny my growing love for spicy anymore

fav alcoholic drink: anything with coconut and rum, put the two together and im sold

currently working on: a bunch of thomastair childhood friends au drawings hehe (with a little appearance of baby cordelia <3)

traditional or modern: i think it heavily depends on what we are talking about, but mostly traditional (ahh, vintage stores. my biggest weakness.)

fav writer: i don't really have a favourite...so many great writers, so many good stories, i can never pick one :,)

fav dessert: probably apple strudel or lemon cake? but god, there are so many...nono this is too difficult i give up

fav rapper: apparently i feel obliged to admit my shortcomings this time *inhales* i don't really follow rap and i probably can name three rappers at most before starting dissociating.

fav soccer/hockey/tennis player: i would love to name at least one, if only i was barely interested in any sport 🙃 the only sport fundamentals i gained through the years are from a manga about kids playing volleyball, i think you get the picture.

colour of your bedroom: light purple and white!

fav politician: this will probably sound really bleak and discouraging but honestly? at the moment none. my country's politics is such a mess and im being gentle with it....like there are ideas i support/things i care about being discussed here and there (assuming we are being lucky), but an actual politician i respect and grow fond of? no way. and im afraid im not that informed on global politics to know enough foreign politicians and have a favourite :/

loyalty or lust: loyalty!

pizza or pasta: as an italian, i cannot and will not answer this

are you vegan/veggie: i am not! but im trying to reduce meat consumption to one/maximum two times a week!

favourite time period: the 80s babe! (obsessed with the music and fashion) + late 1800s/early 1900s (purely for the aesthetic and because men in shirt and waistcoat make me feel things)

love or hate: *drawing little hearts all over the car window* love love love.

last series watched: tutto chiede salvezza (federico cesari my beloved)

classical or rock music: both! (even thought classical holds a special place in my heart)

fairy or dragon: a fairy on a dragon 😌

got or lotr: given the fact that ive never watched a single episode of got in my entire life, my family is secretly a lotr cult in disguise and my judgement is completely and utterly biased.....lotr for life, how dare are we even comparing the two

tagging (no pressure ofc!): @spacehero-23 @stxr-thxif @noah-herondale-lightwood @secrettryst @thomastaircompassrose @anyone !! <33

Tagged by @canonsunkmyships, thank you!!

Fav color: it tends to change every few months or so but right now mostly loving purple, liking orange a lot recently tho

Currently reading: rereading and annotating I Was Born For This (it’s taking me forever cause I can’t find any time for it 😭)

Last song: THE LONELIEST by Måneskin

Sweet/spicy/savory: savory for like in general but atm sweet

Fav alcoholic drink: I love a good mai tai or an amaretto sour

Currently working on: finding a different job and some drawing and writing

Traditional or modern: really depends but mostly modern

Fav writer: Alice Oseman

Fav dessert: crème brûlée

Fav rapper: I don’t listen to rap on a regular basis enough to have a fav but I like Mac Miller, Post Malone, and Tyler, The Creator

Fav soccer/hockey/tennis player: does Roy Kent count? lol

Color of your bedroom: in my apartment it’s beige 🥲 but my room at my parents is black and white with red accents

Fav politician: I don’t really like any enough to have a favorite but I support the ideas of Beto, AOC, and Bernie Sanders

Loyalty or lust: loyalty

Pizza or pasta: pasta

Are you vegan/veggie: no but I’m open to it, I’ll eat that way sometimes but I def need do research if I want to make a complete switch

Favorite time period: 1980’s tbh

Love or hate: love

Last series watched: newest season of The Crown, but the last series I watched from start to finish (that’s more than one season) is The Vampire Diaries, I think

Classical or rock music: rock 1000000%, rock music is part of the fabric of my being, can’t imagine my life without it

Fairy or dragon: fairy!!

GOT or LOTR: LOTR

I tag: @asxitxis @hamhammoody @wafflethecat @potato-jem @songonthewind @planetsoupo @sapphofyre @newtness532 @lgbtreader @damdams if y’all want to do it, no pressure!

[khaleesiofalicante]

TLND lives rent free in my brain. So here's a list of random (and not so random) things that I love. I'm apologising beforehand because this is gonna be a rant.

1) I just realised how much time it must have taken to write 3 timelines for Tlnd while also trying to stick to the theme of the chapter. that's probably my favourite thing about the fic- the fact that all chapters have a theme and the end one usually feels very conclusive is a way. The best example for this is the chapter about the gun. To me it feels like we see how much Alec has evolved as a person. I also loved that your wrote the last part where he thinks about telling magnus but then doesn't.

2) despite knowing how hard it was gonna be for all of them, magnus chose to ask Alec for a divorce bc he felt unsafe.

3) Alec filing for a divorce bc above everything he loves magnus and just wants him to be okay.

4) Max's contact names. Some of my favourites: Monogamous Bane (I love that this was a reference to Lily! We don't talk about lily and alec's friendship nearly enough), Bane of my life, Hitler, Lover (Taylor Swift version) and ofc Demon.

5) the group names. I love 'ohana means family' (another great reference). I also love the gc names of the friend group- Mommies and Daddies + Bapak, people who are not the sexiest man in the world + magnus etc. I also love the Avengers Assemble (god bless Max).

6) the malec scene at the thomastair wedding. It reminded me of this show I watched that encouraged me to read tlnd. It's Uncoupled on netflix. There is a similar scene in the episode finale of the show. I love how far malec had come by that point.

7) malec first time having penetrative sex. I love their conversation, going to buy lube together and magnus realising that he likes having a partner who wants to equally contribute to the relationship.

8) magnus's journey w his mental health. I was a little sceptical at first bc I'd never read that in any other fic about magnus. But it's very well written and I'm glad you didn't try to tie a pretty little bow around it and wrote it with the grace and thoughtfulness that it deserved.

9) all max and Alec scenes in timeline 3. I know their relationship is much more chill and not always emotionally charged like in case of Rafe and malec but some of my favourite scenes are between them.

10) the fact that it points out that love does not conquer everything. It takes a lot of effort to make relationships work. Malec did do that and they got back together and are stronger and much more importantly healthier that ever.

I love lbaf and all your other fics but tlnd has a special place in my heart. Your short story reminded my of that. Thankyou for being such an amazing writer!

YOU MADE ME A LIST? ABOUT MY FIC? *screams into my unicorn plushie*

Thank you so much. This made my whole day. I love hearing these tiny details. Thank you! THANK YOU.

[littlx-songbxrd]

Regarding what you said about there being parallels between Kierak and thomastair, I honestly think there are parallels between a lot of the relationships because CC tends to hit the same beats in her narratives. But yeah there's definitely a lot of parallels between kierark and thomastair but it's interesting how the narrative seems to have more empathy for Kieran then for Alastair gee I wonder why?/s

But the fandom really disliked Kietan back when TDA was still on progress. Like I remember being in the TRENCHES fighting for that man at age 17. And I know there are definitely people who still don't like Alastair but it seems like a lot of the hate towards him has calmed down now, and that has nothing to do with the narrative imo but it's still very critical of Alastair. I think people may have gotten slightly better at empathizing with marginalized characters? But then again, I only really interact with people who are pro Alastair so I might kind of be in a bubble.

Anyways I'm sort of tempted to say Kierark are better written then thomastair but the kierarktina arc is basically over now whereas we still have one more book of tlh.

Sorry this all over the place lol.

Yeah I can definetly see that CC reuses a lot of similar plots and ideas (nods to most (to not say all) of her leads falling into the forbidden romance territory) but this was, actually, somwthing i hadnt quite connected. Which is funny kierark was one of my favorite parts of tda. I loved their dinamic, and when kierak became kieraktina dhjfhfjdkdkfkd

GEE I WONDER WHY HUH. I WONDER WHY

Ok so i came very late to the tda fandom so most ive seen are the REMNANTS of kieran hate. Now no one really talks about him which is a shame. But I can see why the fandom would do him like that. However, Alastairs character in the fandom is kind of debatable. Like Alastair fandom is only relatively chill on tumblr. Yeah you see an anti every once in a while and perhaps some extremly bad takes but nothing too bad.

Outside of this plataform its chaos i promise. Back when i initially really got fixiated on tlh, like now I can say tlh is just a relative obsession and interest but back when chog cake out no that was a fixiation for me that was almost 3 weeks of sleep breathing eating any and all content on tlh.

But I didnt have tumblr so I had to get my sources,,, in other places. Every book review I watched of tlh treated Alastair horribly. Every instagram blog literally dragged his name through the mud. I literally only came to see Alastair in a positive light when i downloaded this hell site 😭

I went back to watch some reviews when choi came out and they were AS bad if not worse. Maybe im just annoyed but god if i have to hear one more white person talk about how insignifucant alastairs racial issues are i will throw smth.

Ive seen reviewers go as far as call Alastair homophobic for treating mathew badly 😭😭

Anyways i feel like we all live in a buble here cause were chill bit outside the buble they hate his guts and i want to unread that one confession page that said he was hoping he'd die in the first book so they didnt have to deal with him.

Oh no. Kieraktinas arc is way better written and how i see this going

I love thomastair but will admit i love it vecause i basically rescued it from the mess that is their canon. I dont have a lot of hope for chot.

[all-this-panic-still-no-disco]

Hey, I just want to say how ducking much I love your fics. Don’t say you love me is my comfort read. I saw your making another thomastair fic, I’m not sure how far along you are, but can we get a snippet of the first chapter

thank you!!!! people like you mean the world 🥰

i’m actually almost finished with the fic, but i haven’t made any revisions yet. i’ll post a snippet tho, just from the first chapter. warning—it’s slightly nsfw, but nothing completed to dsylm.

“No,” Alastair admits, his head tilting to the side a little, “but I really thought I had it. And now I’m just…” He trails off, his hands clenching into fists. “I’m pent-up and itchy and angry, and if I don’t do something about it I’m going to smash a mug.” It all comes out in one long, rambling breath, and Alastair’s cheeks flush.

“Well,” Thomas’s hand beneath his chin comes up, caressing his cheek. “I can help with that.”

Alastair’s lip gets caught in his teeth. He can’t help but bite. God, that stupidly low voice. It’s going to be the death of him.

“So?” Thomas tilts his head. “What do you want?” He blinks, frowning a little. “Er, how d’you want it, I suppose?”

Alastair’s tongue pokes out of his mouth without permission. He imagines running it over the lines of Thomas’s jaw, his throat, the muscles that he knows lie beneath that sweater.

“I want you to fuck me,” Alastair says promptly, delighting in the way Thomas’s cheeks go red. “In fact, I want you to fuck me so hard I forget everything that happened today. I want it to be so rough I fucking astral-plane, do you hear me?”

that’s it for now. 😈 yeah, this is only from the first chapter. it’s going to be a tad bit spicier then dsylm. i’m planning to post around mid-august, and it’s going to be a monster. we’re talking 90k or more.

see you later! :)

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

champagne problems (part 1)

here's my first part of my modern no magic "champagne problems" singer-songwriter quarantine thomastair AU! happy birthday to @foxglove-airmid even though I don't think it's your birthday where you live anymore (and I still haven't posted zia's birthday fic, it'll happen I swear)!

no content warnings for this part (besides maybe quarantine), but future parts will include discussions of mental illness, substance abuse, and a suicide attempt

obviously, the song alastair "wrote" in the fic is not mine, it's by taylor swift! and a few of the lyrics have been changed!

Masterlist | AO3

Thomas breathed out a sigh of relief as he lugged his suitcase up onto the fifth floor landing.

“‘Ere we are,” Piers announced as he unlocked the door.

Thomas was utterly exhausted, such was the result of taking a redeye flight across the Atlantic during a global pandemic, but any idea of rest that he’d had was interrupted when he heard the sound of piano flood the apartment.

“Ah, sorry about that,” Piers nodded, “One of my flatmates, the walls are paper thin. He can’t record at the studio right now, but he’s trying to finish his EP, so it’s been a bit noisier around here. He’ll take a break soon, hopefully.”

Thomas shook his head. “It’s no problem. Thank you, again, for allowing me to stay here. I’ll be looking for my own place as soon as the quarantine is up.”

“Of course. You’ve got the couch as long as you need it. Couldn’t just hang you out to dry, could I? Although, you did pick a god awful time to move to the city, if I do say so myself.”

Thomas sat down on the couch and tried to make himself comfortable. It was more comfortable than the flight or the airport, at least. “I know… I considered postponing the move, but the visa was so difficult to get, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. They say this will all blow over in a couple of weeks, but borders are closing and I heard talk of them suspending all pending visa applications. I didn't know how long it would be if I waited, if the job was even still here for me at all.” Although at first entrance, the music had seemed to be a nuisance, it now comforted him. It wasn’t bad at all, in fact, it quite reminded him of the days Alastair’s playing had filled their flat…

“Where did you say you were working again? At a record company?”

“Yeah. I’m just doing pretty basic stuff for now, but if I ever do want to record my own music, I’ve got to start somewhere.”

“Hm,” Piers said, gesturing to the room the music was coming from. “Perhaps you’ll get on with him well, then. Would you like some tea?”

Thomas nodded and Piers went to start the teapot. Piers continued, “Though I suppose he's more of the tortured artist type. Very reserved, quite prickly. I didn't even meet him until a couple weeks after I moved in here because he was off in some psychiatric hospital.” Thomas shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was never one for gossip. “My other roommate’s nice, though, I think you’ll like him. He-”

“How did you end up in New York, again? I don’t think I ever asked.”

Piers dove into the subject change quite readily, explaining his uni - or college - years in New York City and his decision to stay afterwards. Thomas had tuned most of it out, truthfully. It wasn’t that he was trying to be rude, but he was rather exhausted, and Piers was wearing thin on his patience.

As the kettle started to whine, Thomas heard the musician begin to sing, and he froze. It sounded so much like Alastair. But it couldn't be, could it? With over 8 million people living in the city, he would not end up in Alastair's apartment by accident. His Alastair was certainly reserved and prickly, but it wasn't possible. It must be like all those times he thought he saw him on a street he'd never walked or heard his laugh in a café he'd never been to. Just his mind, tricking him. Even if he knew that voice so well, despite not hearing it in so long.

“It’s quite good, isn’t it? His first single just dropped.” Piers asked, bringing over his cup of tea. He hadn’t realized it, but he’d been staring intently at the door.

Thomas took the cup. “Hm? Yeah, I guess. Thanks.”

“You should look it up. It’s called “champagne problems” by Simurgh. That’s spelled- Well, it should come up.”

The name Simurgh sounded familiar, but Thomas couldn’t put his finger on where he knew it from. At Piers’ insistence, he pulled out his phone and brought up the song. As he skimmed through the first few lines, a cold feeling settled in his stomach.

“You booked the night train for a reason So you could sit there in this hurt Bustling crowds or silent sleepers You're not sure which is worse”

“Simurgh,” Thomas realized.

“Yeah, I think it’s Arabic or something.”

It took Thomas a moment to process that Piers was responding to him. “It’s Persian.” He was certain that Alastair would have some very stern words to say if he heard Piers confusing the two, actually. Thomas had admittedly let his Farsi skills deteriorate quite a bit since the breakup, but he was fairly certain the name came from the Shahnameh. There was no doubt in Thomas’ mind now: he was staying in Alastair’s apartment, and Alastair’s first single was about one of the most painful days in Thomas’ life. “I, er, I used to study it.”

“Oh, yes, that’s right!” Piers launched into a tangent that Thomas tuned out as he read through the rest of the page.

“Because I dropped your hand while dancing Left you out there standing Crestfallen on the landing Champagne problems”

“Thomas? Are you alright?”

He realized then that his hand was trembling so badly that his tea nearly spilled. He used his other hand to steady it. “Oh, uh, yes, I’m just tired.”

“Perhaps you should rest. I can ask Alastair to quiet down for a while-”

“No!” he exclaimed rather too forcefully. “No, that’s not necessary. I’d just rather not talk, if that’s alright.”

Piers nodded.

Thomas kept reading.

“Your mom's ring in your pocket My picture in your wallet Your heart was glass, I dropped it Champagne problems”

Of all the songs, why did he release the one about him? Why was it about a memory still so painful in Thomas’ heart, all of these years later? He remembered it so well, standing there, alone, shattered into a million pieces.

“You told your family for a reason You couldn't keep it in Your sister splashed out on the bottle Now no one's celebrating”

He was fairly certain that Barbara had been more excited than even he was, confident that Alastair would accept, and so very proud of her baby brother, all grown up. She’d been furious when it fell apart, but it was her who stood with him during the aftermath, who boarded him onto a train to Edinburgh to visit Eugenia when he couldn’t stand to be in the same city as him any longer, who went through his phone, blocking all of Alastair’s accounts so that he could obsess over him no longer, who comforted him as he wept and held him as he picked the pieces of himself back up again.

And all the more sour was the memory in light of her death.

“Dom Pérignon, you brought it No crowd of friends applauded Your hometown skeptics called it Champagne problems”

He looked up at Piers, who had fortunately become enthralled with something on his phone and was no longer paying Thomas any mind. He lifted the teacup gingerly to his lips, but he felt far too sick to take a drink.

“You had a speech, you're speechless Love slipped beyond your reaches And I couldn't give a reason Champagne problems”

A reason, that’s all Thomas had wanted. Just any explanation. He understood if they were moving too fast, or perhaps he’d misread something, but he just didn’t understand it.

Why? Why can’t you tell me why? I deserve an explanation, Alastair. Please, anything.

I… I’m sorry, Thomas.

Stop it! Stop apologizing! We can just go home and pretend this never happened, please, forget about all of it, it was a stupid idea-

Thomas, stop. I shouldn’t’ve… This was a mistake. I’m sorry I didn’t see that sooner.

That was the moment Thomas felt his heart stop beating.

“Your Midas touch on the Chevy door November flush and your flannel cure "This dorm was once a madhouse" I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me" How evergreen, our group of friends Don't think we'll say that word again And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls That we once walked through”

Despite the nearly two decades Thomas had spent in London before Alastair, it was never the same without him. He saw him everywhere he went, despite knowing he was thousands of miles away. After graduating uni that May, he accepted a spot at a graduate program in Spain and didn’t look back.

“One for the money, two for the show I never was ready so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you "You’re the only one I want by my side, What a shame you’re fucked in the head," you said”

Those were the words that haunted Thomas’ nightmares, even now.

It’s you! It’s only you for me! It was always going to be you! But I can see now that I was never going to be enough for you, you and your secrets and walls and your lies. It’s a shame… it’s a shame you’re so fucked in the head, Alastair. You’ll never truly love anyone, will you? You’re not physically capable of it.

Alastair hadn’t responded. Thomas had wanted a rise out of him, any reaction at all, despite knowing how lethal and volatile Alastair could become when provoked. But there was nothing. Not a flicker of anything in his steeled expression. He’d simply looked down, apologized again for any pain that he’d caused, and left.

That was the last time they’d spoken.

Thomas and his sister left for Edinburgh that night, and when he’d returned to London, Alastair was gone.

“Well, you'll find the real thing instead Who'll patch up your tapestry that I shred And hold your hand while dancing Never leave you standing Crestfallen on the landing With champagne problems”

Thomas couldn’t imagine giving his heart to anyone again, not now and certainly not then. He’d dated in Madrid, but it had always stayed casual. He’d made sure of it. He could see now that he and Alastair had gotten together quickly, moved in together quickly, done all of it very quickly. After all, he’d fallen hard and fast. He gave all of himself to Alastair, and he’d nearly lost all of himself in the process.

“Your mom's ring in your pocket New picture in your wallet You won't remember all my Champagne problems

“You won't remember all my Champagne problems”

Now, he wondered what the rest of the story was. He’d convinced himself that Alastair had never loved him, that he was heartless and cruel, though he’d known that wasn’t true. Could Alastair have written this song if he’d never truly loved him? Perhaps he was a sociopath.

Thomas felt like he should run. Like he should pick up his bag and dart out of the apartment before Alastair could notice him, find some hotel somewhere with undoubtedly extraordinary high rates and just pretend like this never happened. He could get back on a plane and go back home to his parents and delete his phone browser history and pretend like this was all just a bad dream. But he could not move.

He didn’t know how many minutes had passed before Alastair’s door opened. He looked up with a start.

“Thomas,” Alastair breathed. He stood wide eyed, flushed.

“Do you two already know each other then?” Piers asked.

There was a moment of silence before Thomas cleared his throat. “We used to,” he said, looking down.

“I, er, I forgot that your friend was coming today,” Alastair told Piers. “It’s quite a long journey from London, you should have told me, I would have been quieter.”

Thomas considered correcting him for a moment, but decided not to. “Don’t worry about it. I heard you had your first big release. Congratulations.”

Alastair gave an awkward nod. “Thank you. Right, well, I’ll just…” He rushed over to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. “I’ll try to be a bit quieter.”

“Don’t- It’s fine, really. In fact, I’m sure there’s some hotel in the area I can stay at for now, actually-”

“Well, don’t leave on my account,” Alastair interrupted. “We agreed to let you stay here, and the city’s a bloody mess right now. I’ll stay out of your hair, Thomas.”

Thomas only nodded as Alastair disappeared back behind his bedroom door.

Thanks for reading! Taglist (ask to be +/-): @stxr-thxif @chaos-and-starlight @zosiaenrique @lifewouldbebetteronmars @littlx-songbxrd @dianasarrow @eugeniaslongsword @bookswitchcraftandcats @jamesherondaleofficial @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @livingformyself @anarmorofwords @foxglove-airmid @writeforjordelia @sapphic-in @jem-nasium @fortheloveofthecarstairs @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @shadowrunner2000 @thewarthatsavedmylife @fair-childd @itsjusta-j-really

[drunkonimagination]

I'm sending this on anon because I'm embarrassed to be nice on main, but we're mutuals lol and i just want you to know that, in my opinion, your art is 1000x better than Cassandra Jean's lol I just... love your warm, cute style? And you draw Thomas and Alastair just as I imagine them? That's all lol

anon.

AHHHHHH????!?!!?!!! 😭

first. omg are we mutuals?? pls pls don't be embarrassed and feel free to reveal yourself in the future!! <3 asks like this mean everything to me, everything. especially right now (i'm feeling a bit down bc of uni, exams, etc.), so thank you so so much <333

second. did you just compare my silly little art to cassandra jean's??? like for real????? oh. my. god. what can i say...everyone has their preferences in terms of art-style (i have too ofc) and the fact that you like mine even more than the official tsc artist's style is....woah. thank???? you??? so????? much???? i'm so flattered rn 😭💕

omg i'm so glad about that, warm and cute vibes is really what i'm trying to convey all the time here!!! and you can't possibly think that my tom and alastair are just like you imagine them....no way. *screams internally for a good five minutes* that's one of the greatest compliments i've ever received. thank you 😭

btw yess!! i got which post you are talking about!! (this one i think jsjs) and about that, i personally like cj style a lot (especially in terms of colours and composition) and i must say that among all the official artworks we had over the last three years cj's illustrations are definitely the ones i like the most and that get closer to the image of the characters i have in my head! (even though, for instance, i prefer when she draws thomas with longer and messier hair rather than spiky and super short, just like in the postcards she made for the choi release!! i loved those ahhhhh)....so that's why i desperately want more cj drawings 😭

but thank you so so much, i gladly accept the compliment (i still can't believe you said that *screams*) and i'll definitely draw more thomastair in the future (i have so many plans hehe) 😭🙏🏻✨

[edwinspaynes]

thomastair of if you’ve already been asked that, jordelia? (i also kind of want to say sona/flora-)

I'll just do all three! :)

THOMASTAIR

What made you ship it?

-> Everything, but I think that the moment I personally started shipping it was when Thomas defended Alastair in Cast Long Shadows.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

We're just going to make a bulleted list here because I'll ramble on all day and all night otherwise

The fact that they bring out the best in each other (Alastair's newfound openness, Thomas's newfound confidence, their senses of humor, etc)

The fact that they accept each of the other one readily. More than that, the fact that they love even the roughest traits of the other without abandon. Alastair's sharp tongue and cutting words? Funny and clever to Thomas. Thomas's awkwardness and jealousy? Endearing to Alastair. Seeing the other one vulnerable? 100% okay, they're going to support each other.

The ship just screams "safety" to me. Like, they epitomize the saying that 'sometimes home is a person, not a place.' They clearly each view the other as a safe person to talk to. This is especially impressive for Alastair considering his usual guardedness, and the fact that he has consistently been vulnerable with Thomas since the beginning. He's crying in the Sanctuary scene and being honest. He's willing to discuss his fear and his sadness in the carriage. This openness is inspiring to me.

Speaking of the carriage, Alastair just wanted Thomas there in his presence, like a safety blanket? Thomas literally just wanted Alastair to talk to him so they could, like, hang out? They're best friends. They're best friends who are married. This is further evidenced by the fact that they lost track of time talking and stayed in Paris all night. We see them talking in the epilogue, and later in ChoT on the rooftop, and they're so happy to be talking and joking and laughing together.

I am literally going to go on all day, good God.

Their interests are SO compatible.

I also on a more surface level adore the fact that Thomas executed the plot to Taylor Swift's Mastermind but ALL of it was accidental. Their romcom era was so fun to read.

Thomas's constant defenses of Alastair make me so happy.

Alastair trying to help Thomas after Christopher died was such an amazing moment. Like, nothing was important besides caring for Thomas? Kissing his eyelids? Letting him know he wasn't alone?

They're actually really awesome at communicating and setting boundaries, even from Day One. Like, if you read TLH all the way through, they're the only ship to consistently set realistic expectations for the way that they'll engage and treat each other. They're both vocally willing to assert themselves. Neither of them hide things from the other or tell lies. Everything's out in the open, and that's super healthy.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

-> Best ship in TLH by a landslide. LANDSLIDE. And, quite frankly, the objectively best TSC ship outside of Herongraystairs as of 2023. Definitely my favourite ship in any media ever along with Wessa.

JORDELIA

What made you ship it?

-> It's cute! I started shipping Jordelia waaay before ChoG came out, like, back when we first heard about the characters. I was torn between wanting them canon and wanting Heronchild canon (come on, this was like, 2017). But idk I thought that their friends to lovers arc had potential, and I quite frankly adored Cordelia from the moment we learned about her before ChoG. So, yeah.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

-> I think it's really sweet how they're such good friends in addition to being married; this is important to me. But I also like that James always loved Cordelia through the power of the bracelet, always thought of her and her happiness.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

-> Honestly? Jordelia is one of my better TSC ships (not, like, high-tier; I don't ship many things, and the only TSC couples I really seek out content for are Thomastair/Wessa/Gracetopher/Sophideon). I think they are so incredibly adorable... but I think they're a little boring to read about. I'm don't mind reading about them, but they don't do that much for me, either.

SONA/FLORA (thank you for entertaining my crack ship lmao)

What made you ship it?

-> It came to me one day in the shower. They both had shitty husbands, why shouldn't they bond over it? Why can we not have middle-aged women coming to terms with their sexuality and having a lesbian relationship?

What are your favorite things about the ship?

-> It's probably the only batshit crazy crack ship I've ever liked the idea of.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

-> That it exists.

[uriagii]

Thomastair Youtube AU

Sorry I’ve been neglecting this... I had this started and then my brother got his laptop stolen so he borrowed mine until he got a new one and then I have executive dysfunction. Thanks for being patient!

part 1, part 2

1.6k word count, all i have to say is poor thomas

3: Ignoring my boyfriend!

“Hey guys, it’s Alastair.” Alastair waved. “As you can see, I’m by myself today, Thomas is out getting groceries right now, and while he’s gone I thought it would be a good time to film this little intro.” 

Alastair shuffled a little, fiddling with the camera. 

“So I’ve seen this little challenge going around on Youtube, and I wanted to try it out on Tom. When he gets back, I’m going to be ignoring him to get his reaction.” Alastair continued, “Thomas is a very touchy-feely boyfriend, so I’m anticipating a big reaction out of him. He’d better not disappoint. I’ll blame him if this video flops.

“So I’m just going to set this camera up, and hide it behind the pillows we have on our window seat, and then wait for him in our bed.”

Alastair moved the camera to the window seat, then turned and ran back to the bed behind him, pulled up the duvet and crawled in. 

The footage sped up as time passed, and Alastair looked at his phone while waiting for Thomas to arrive. 

Eventually, the door opened, and a tall, brown haired man walked in. 

“Hey babe,” Thomas said as he gently closed the door.

Alastair said nothing as he continued to stare at his phone, but Thomas didn’t seem to notice anything amiss. He simply toed off his shoes, walked over to the bed and leaned down to kiss Alastair on the forehead.

Alastair didn’t make any response, just kept scrolling through his phone. Again Thomas didn’t seem put off by his boyfriend’s behavior, and collapsed onto the bed next to Alastair.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” He asked as he peered over Alastair’s shoulder to see his phone.

Alastair slightly turned away from Thomas, and said nothing. Thomas’ brows furrowed slightly, but he shook it off and peered up again.

“Something I shouldn’t be seeing?” Thomas asked, “Is it something naughty? Did I catch you at an awkward time, love?” 

Again, Alastair didn’t respond, he only gave a subtle look to the camera paired with a small smirk before returning to a blank expression.

“Hey, look at me.” Thomas said, starting to get a little suspicious of Alastair’s behavior. Alastair did no such thing. Instead he sighed and turned his body so that his back was facing Thomas, and he readjusted into a comfortable position as he began scrolling through his phone once again. Thomas sat up with a frown, looking down at his boyfriend, stumped.

“Ooh! I know!” Thomas abruptly stood up from their bed and left the room, whistling as he went. 

Alastair glanced at the camera in confusion and whispered, “What?”

A moment later, Thomas came waltzing back into the bedroom, carrying a tabby cat above his head, singing the Circle of Life. 

Alastair glanced over his shoulder and pressed his lips together tightly, just barely able to contain his laughter and somehow maintaining his passive expression. Thomas looked down from the cat above his head and towards Alastair. He smiled at him then, and it was a brilliant smile. All sparkling teeth and pure love and childish joy in his eyes. Alastair was visibly shaking from the effort it took to not get up and plant a kiss right over that perfect smile.

Instead, he only glanced away and turned back around to his phone, frowning at the camera once.

Upon seeing his theatrics fail to prompt his boyfriend to speak, Thomas lowered the cat and his sunny expression deflated. He set the cat down and reclaimed his seat on the bed behind Alastair, frowning.

 “Hey, are you angry with me? Did I do something wrong?” Thomas worried, though he again received no indication he had been heard. Thomas looked up to the ceiling in concentration. “I did the dishes, I picked up my laundry like you asked, I… what did I do…” Thomas trailed in thought as he tried to jog his memory to figure out any missteps he’s made, and apparently came up with nothing.

“Okay babe, what’s the matter? Did I piss you off? Did you go through my browser history?”

At this, Alastair furrows his brows, and looks at the camera, thoroughly surprised at the idea Thomas would have anything unsavory in his browser history, and curious, he mouths the words, browser history? 

“Just kidding, hmm, what did I do to piss you off? Oh! Is it because I used your toothbrush again?”

At this, Alastair almost breaks character because Thomas knows Alastair doesn’t like when Thomas uses his toothbrush. They’d had that conversation before. And, seriously? Again?

Somehow, Alastair was able to maintain stoicity and he looked back down at his phone. 

Thomas waited in silence for Alastair to respond, but Alastair remained about-face from Thomas.

Thomas grabbed Alastair’s shoulder and tried to pull him down so that he could see his face, but his boyfriend shook him off and returned to his earlier position facing away from him. 

“Hey, Ali, babe, what’s the matter? Did something happen?” Thomas asked solemnly. “You were fine when I left to get the milk, what changed since then? Did I do something wrong?”

Again, Thomas was met with no reply. 

Thomas leaned up and over his boyfriend to try to see his face and get any sort of response. He was met only with Alastair’s blank face, seemingly not hearing a thing he said. Thomas sat back down heavily on the bed behind Alastair with his brows furrowed, beginning to get visibly upset. He sat there for a minute, slouched over and confused. Presumably trying to think of a reason why this was happening. Alastair looked up to see that Thomas was no longer above him, and made eye contact with the camera, before looking back down. Behind him, Thomas turned so that he faced away from Alastair, his back to the camera.

Alastair waited for Thomas’s next attempt at getting him to respond, but it never came. Alastair’s expressive eyebrows furrowed in confusion as to why his boyfriend had quit his antics. He looked over his shoulder to check that Thomas was still there, and when he did, he heard a tiny sniffle, just barely audible. 

Alastair immediately sat up, dropping his charade of ignoring his boyfriend in favor of grabbing Thomas’s shoulder and turning him to face him.

 When he did, he was met with a sight that broke his heart.

Thomas was crying. 

Tears ran down his miserable face, and he sniffled again, this time louder, wetter, as fresh tears spilled from his eyes. 

“Oh, baby, no.” Alastair said softly, his face guilty and regretful.

“What did I do?” Thomas asked, his voice breaking, sniffling again.

“Nothing, love, you didn’t do anything.” Alastair wiped the newly fallen tears from Thomas’s face and pulled him in to give him a hug.

“Are you tired of me?” Thomas said miserably into Alastair’s shoulder.

“Never.” Alastair responded.

“Then why aren’t you talking to me anymore?”

“It was a joke! A prank,” Alastair rushed out, trying to reassure his dejected boyfriend. “A bad one, a stupid one. It was just a prank, love.”

Thomas looked confused, tears still escaping from his eyes.

 “How is that a prank?” He said, unconvinced.

Alastair pointed toward the camera hidden on the window seat and said, ““I was ignoring you to see your reaction. See, it’s just a joke, I’m sorry. It was bad.”

Thomas spotted the camera and wiped his cheeks.

“So… you’re not mad at me?” He asked tentatively.

“Of course not. Why would I be mad at you?” Alastair said, once again pulling Thomas close.

Thomas waited a moment, then pushed Alastair away by his shoulders gently.

“I can’t believe you,” He said, laughing slightly, relieved. “How could you do that? I almost had a heart attack!”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t think you would cry!” Alastair exclaimed, then quieter, “I didn’t want to make you cry.”

“I hope it was worth it, you asshole.” Thomas replied affectionately before tackling Alastair onto their bed and burying his face in his shoulder.

“It was not. I don’t ever wanna see you cry ever again.” Alastair said decisively. 

Thomas picked his head up and looked at his boyfriend and sniffled once more. 

“Well now you have something to post,” he said.

“I feel bad about it though,” 

“You can make it up to me somehow.” Thomas said with a grin. “I bet I could think of a few ways you can repay me for subjecting me to this God-awful idea of yours.”

Alastair rolled his eyes slightly but smiled up at Thomas. 

“Oh, I don’t doubt it.” 

Then, Alastair leaned up and gave Thomas a kiss, an apology.

The two of them sat up and Alastair got up to dislodge the camera from its hiding place, returning to sit beside Thomas.

“Well that was a colossal failure.” Alastair said to the camera, then looking at his boyfriend. “Sorry, Tom.”

Thomas only stuck his tongue out at Alastair affectionately.

“I almost lost it when you picked up William Shakespurr and sang the Lion King song. I don’t know how I didn’t give it all up right there.” Alastair chuckled.

“I really thought that one was gonna work.”

There was a pause, a silent moment before Alastair said, “I really am sorry, Tom.” Alastair sighed, “I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

The two of them leaned back against their plush headboard tangling into each other like vines, silent for a few moments, cuddling contentedly before Alastair spoke up.

“Did you really use my toothbrush again?” 

Comments

>kit does science!: Oh no, no no no. omw to blow up ur house

10,638 likes, 57 dislikes

>cordeliacarstairs: as soon as you said you were ignoring him i knew mans was gonna cry.

10,121 likes, 14 dislikes

Replying to @cordeliacarstairs: i shoulda known

>eugenia lightwood: lol

8,235 likes, 195 dislikes

>vampire-faerie15: heart=BROKEN OMG WHEN HE STARTED CRYING I STARTED CRYING

8,194 likes, 90 dislikes

[thepictureofsdr]

ALSO IVE BEEN MEANING TO YELL THOS TO SOMEONE BUT CAN YOU PLS CHECK OUT THIS SONG BECAUSE I NEED TO WROTE A FICT BASED ON THAT WITH THOMASTAIR

Ive been having a lot of feelings about how its so aparent in the sanctuary Thomas and Alastair both view physical affectione so differently......

Like for Thomas sexual attraction comes *with* romantic because thats all hes been raised knowing. Everything related to that came with the undeniable act of loving and *being* in love. Which makes sense as to why he didnt think twice that he has to actually tell Alastair he loved him because his actions in the sanctuary in his mind already came with the assumption of love. An assumption he assumed alastair would also have

But because of Charles, Alastair is well aware physical desire and romantic love are too very different things. He might he certain Thomas desires him physically, but unless thomas states or demostrates he wont have the same analyisis as him. To him Thomas love isnt promised through those actions.

To Thomas hes left everything he needed clear but he doesnt *know* enough about Alastairs past relationship to see how would definetly not be enough.

oh

my

god

please never stop thinking ever YOURE RIGHT YOURE SO RIGHT WAITTTTT

BECAUSE WORDS CAN ALWAYS BE EMPTY BUT ALASTAIR HAS LEARNED THAT ACTIONS CAN BE EMPTY TOO AND HE NEEDS THAT EXTRA REASSURANCE BECAUSE HES USED TO THE DISAPPOINTMENT

hahahaha everything calms down and they have a nice long talk and clear everything up RIGHT CASSIE!!!?

tjis is such a good point oh my god you GENIUS

[naerysthelonesome]

Unravel me, slowly

Thomastair again, because I am experiencing FEELINGS

Mild Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Implied sexual content at the end?

Start of fic:

It'd been a year since that day in the sanctuary. A year since he had first been kissed by, he was pretty certain, the love of his life.

Alastair had then been adamant that he wasn't the right person for Thomas and that they'd never work out, but had since been thoroughly convinced otherwise. They'd bought an apartment together; close enough to Alastair's old place that he could visit Sona and the baby whenever he wished. They'd even "taken in" a couple cats.

Certainly, they were close. They were closer than they'd ever been. By the angle, they were in love! Which is why Thomas couldn't figure out why Alastair was hiding things from him again.

Okay maybe that was an exaggeration. Alastair wasn't keeping secrets or even lying, as far as Thomas was aware. He was just... Being closed off. Again.

He'd come home looking wan and tired, kissed Thomas once on the cheek and gone off to bed. Usually, around this time, he'd pick up one of his books and settle down on the couch with his boyfriend and read. They'd talk about their day, and pet their cats, and be blissfully ignorant of the world for a few hours.

Thomas could guess what was upsetting him, of course. There had been a clave meeting that afternoon; one Thomas had elected to skip in order to help Christopher with another one of his experiments (clave-issued, so it was a valid enough excuse). Charles had attended that meeting, so of course Thomas had assumed it was he who was at fault; as one should.

He'd asked Alastair as much when the latter had woken up a couple hours later, but he only shook his head and walked away to the kitchen.

Fine. If Alastair wanted to be difficult once more, that was okay. Thomas hadn't chosen the easy path, declaring his love for him, deciding to live with him, damning Matthew's "reservations" to hell. He could handle this much.

When his lover returned with, Thomas belatedly noticed, two cups of steaming drink, the taller man was seated on the couch in front of the gently burning fireplace. This was their safe space, where they felt most at home. Maybe here Alastair could be convinced to open up a little.

The dark haired man sat down beside him, close enough so he could reach out and rub the back of his neck slowly. He felt Alastair shiver slightly and sigh, before handing over the coffee and moving away.

Thomas was starting to get a tiny bit offended at his boyfriend constantly pushing him away that day. Then he saw that Alastair was only moving to lean back against the arm rest and prop his legs up on Thomas’ lap. He gave him a relived little smile at that.

Thomas watched Alastair slowly sip his coffee. Normally, he might’ve though about how his skin practically glowed in the firelight, or of how, despite his hair being the messiest it’d seen it in weeks, he still looked like fine-boned, bronzed God, or he might’ve admired the perfect curve of his lips, or his eyes, but there were other, slightly more important things, on his mind right then.

He was unsure of how to initiate the conversation, but knew he’d have to be the one to do so.

“So. How was the meeting?” Straight to the point worked most easily with Alastair, who hated being manipulated in any way.

“So-so”, was the reply, accompanied by a hand seemingly determined to wave the question away.

“Alastair.”

The man being addressed rolled his eyes at the insistent tone, but glanced up at Thomas anyway.

“You need to talk about it.”

“Do I now?” he inquired with a raised brow.

“You know you do. You can’t go back to burying everything deep down again”.

Alastair continued to simply look at him. But Thomas could see the gears turning behind those immovable eyes. He knew Alastair knew he was right.

“Come on”, he coaxed, “Tell me what happened”. He placed the coffee mug on the short table beside himself, and began to rub Alastair’s feet. For good measure.

Alastair made a rude comment in Persian, but finally spoke up.

“It’s been more than a year! …More than a year and he still makes me feel like trash”.

“Charles?” his voice came out tighter than he expected. That man never failed to get on his nerves.

“Who else?” Alastair said, as he tipped his head back. “You’re going to crush my foot if you keep tightening your fist like that”, he added, looking pointedly at his feet.

“Ah sorry!” Thomas immediately loosened his hands around them and began to rub small circles along the soles. “What did he do this time?”

“Hmm… let’s see”. Alastair held up a hand, then started to open up his fingers one-by-one while reciting Charles’ transgressions.

“He was rude, obnoxious, and out of turn”. Thomas slipped his thumbs along the arches of his feet.

“He interrupted and spoke over me, under the unbelievable guise that he had better ideas”. His hands moved to encircle his lover’s slender ankles.

“He uh- he invalidated my opinions. Thomas what are you doing?!” Alastair practically yelped. Thomas had just bent down to place a kiss atop his foot.

“Hmm?” he hummed, kissing the other foot in the same way, “Validating your feet?”

He looked up to see Alastair’s face flushed red. “Should I stop?”

Alastair seemed unable to move. Taking that for the non-answer it was, Thomas continued with his ministrations, although still listening for any signs of protest.

He pushed up the right leg of Alastair’s pant, and began to kiss up his calf, then repeated the action on his other leg.

He looked up to see Alastair still staring at him, eyes wide, mouth open, as if he couldn’t believe what was happening.

“What else did he do?”

“Who?” Alastair’s voice was just a breathy whisper. It was only rarely that Thomas made Alastair a stupid mess, and all Thomas wanted to do was get drunk on the feeling. But this wasn’t about him.

“Charles.”

“Oh. AH right! Yes… him. I’m sure he did other things, but do we have to talk about him?”

Thomas repositioned them so Alastair was on his back on the sofa, and the taller man lay between his legs, his face now resting above his torso. Alastair let out a little huff as Thomas began to undo his shirt, flushing even darker.

“Mm no. We can talk about how he made you feel instead.”

Alastair let out a sound that could only be described as a whine at that.

Thomas began to mouth at his hip as he pulled the shirt back bit-by-bit, leaving little kisses all over the skin he revealed. Alastair’s breath was coming out in hitched gasps at this point. Thomas being gentle or loving always seemed to unravel him in ways very little else could.

“Thomas…”

“I love you, Alastair”

“Oh.”

Thomas stopped and looked up at that. “Oh?” “No. No I know. I just-”

“What is it, love?” Thomas used the word on purpose.

“I don’t deserve this”, the words were a soft mumble, but they felt to Thomas louder than a scream.

It’d been a while since Alastair has said things like that, but he knew the words were always lingering just under the surface. His father, and then Charles had made sure of that. Thomas and the other merry thieves hadn’t exactly helped, either.

He needed to let Alastair know that he was loved. He needed him to see that he did deserve this. He deserved everything good and pure and beautiful in the world. He needed to believe he did.

“Oh Alastair…” Thomas said as he tipped his head back down to pepper kisses up his chest, “How could you not deserve this?”

He kissed along his shoulder and felt him shudder under him. “You are good and kind and considerate.

“You have made mistakes, but have tried harder than anyone to remedy them”. Thomas moved his mouth to Alastair’s collarbone.

“I hurt you, Thomas” his voice was soft. So soft.

“And I hurt you back. We were young.” The kisses moved up the column oh his neck, increasing in pressure now.

“Matthew…”

“You did what you thought you had to. What happened next was not your fault”. His lips trailed along a trembling jaw.

“I-”

“Shh…” their lips were aligned now. “It’s been years, and you’ve paid tenfold for what you said or did back then”, he said as he pressed their lips together, “You’re a better person now. We both are”.

Their kisses were growing more desperate now and the words even more so. Alastair was grabbing onto his shoulders as Thomas continued to speak, “You’re one of the best parts of my life Alastair Esfandiyar Carstairs. I love you so much”.

Alastair couldn’t speak, but that was okay. He didn’t to say the words back. Thomas knew.

“You’re beautiful, and you’re good, and you deserve everything, Alastair”.

They lay in each other’s arms for a long time after. Long enough to let things escalate until they could feel and think of nothing but the other.

End.

Wow. That turned out longer than I’d originally planned.

[bemtevis]

Me after reading the Midnight Heir: oh cool, so we are getting an Herondale that will have to leave behind his first love and fall for someone else from scratch! Awesome! Thank God for finally ditching that stupid, stupid notion, I did not expect it from Clare but I suppose miracles happen-

CC: James was never in love with Grace, it was only because of magic and stuff!

Me:

CC: and he has been in love with Cordelia all along! I mean, can you imagine him being in love with Grace for real?

Me: he is seventeen, I don't know you but teenagers tend to fall in and out of love, people in general tend to fall in and out of it-

CC: also, his best friend is in love with Cordelia too! For drama!

Me: FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUU-

UGGHHHH I HATE IT

It's so annoying, god- she's literally playing the first love trope so hard with Kamanna and Jordelia (and Thomastair if we're being honest) and I absolutely hate it. I would pay double for a CC book in which the protagonist ends up single, I WOULD PAY–

Cordelia is amazing and smart and beautiful and brave but tHAT'S NOT EVEN THE REASON THEY FELL FOR HER. Jamie only ever talks about her boobs (he supposedly fell for her as a child, so I'm guessing he genuinely liked her back then, but he doesn't ever show that present day) and Math only wants her as his therapist, ‘falling in and out of love with people’ is an established trait of his. Cordelia deserves better, augh

I've said this before, but the Gracelet is the laziest, stupidest fucking plot device Clare has ever written. James stans use it as an excuse for why he 1. Fetishizes Cordelia and 2. Is the personification of a blank piece of paper, but the Gracelet doesn't affect any of that lol