#god and the postnasal drip too

[hellyeahsickaf]

I've been taken by The Sinus Pressure

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

Sicktember #16

Prompt: Consulting the Internet/Web MD

Fandom/OCs: Bridget Jones’s Diary (Mark and Bridget)

Words: 940

Sicknario inspo: Sneezing and swearing from this post and “good lord” from this post

Author’s comments/background: Not much to say about this one I think. What you see is what you get. Mark and Bridget will always be loves of mine, and it’s always a treat to write them. 

CW: Mentions of c*ncer, jokingly. Nothing real.

~~~***~~~

"Okay, so it says here that hard lumps in the neck, or swollen lymph nodes, are a side effect of many respiratory illnesses and are especially common in strep throat." Bridget looked away from the computer screen to study Mark. "Do you think you have strep throat? You said your throat was sore."

Mark Darcy, a sick, miserable lump under the blankets, peered at her with a frown. "It is sore, but only from the postnasal drip I think. And strep throat doesn't come with so much sneezing, that much I know. Keep looking, please."

As if in answer to himself, he took a deep inhale before bursting into a thick sneezing fit, his dozenth of the day:

"Hiihhg'KNXXT! IHHXXTT-CHOO! HIHHXXCHOO! Hahht-CHUUHF!!..."

"Gesundheit. Well the only other cause listed here is lymphoma or metastatic cancer, dear, and I'm not about to start consulting the internet about THEM. I really think it's just because you're ill. I think they're pretty normal."

"You see they're not normal for me, though. I've never had them before– GEHHT-CHOO!!... Good Lord…" he gasped, breathy and irritated

He once again swiped at the mess on his face from the increasingly wet sneezes, though it rather seemed to be a losing battle. Bridget blessed him again and made a sympathetic sound. Rising from the computer chair, she went to perch on the edge of the bed, stroking Mark's tangled curls away from his forehead. 

"You'd best keep your distance, darling," he mumbled thickly, gently pushing her hand away. "You're in the hazard zone, and I seem to have no control over my nose presently."

"Well if you haven't noticed, it's my bedspread you're presently sneezing into, so it seems I don't have much choice about being exposed to whatever you've managed to catch. At this point I'll take my chances." Her gentle fingers returned to his forehead and cheeks, then slowly made their way down his neck to the sore lumps that he was so concerned about, right under his jaw. They were soft and moved easily, both signs that, according to the internet, pointed to them being caused by his illness. 

She had only just touched the lumps when Mark twitched, gasped, and sneezed directly onto her:

"KehpttEHTCHHOO! EHHGXXTCHOO!!... Oh God I'm so sorry. It's all over you, isn't it?"

Bridget calmly wiped off her arms, which were indeed covered in spray, squirting a liberal amount of antibacterial hand rub from the bottle she had placed nearby and rubbing it all over her exposed skin. As she worked, she spoke:

"Don't fuss, dear, it's alright. As you said, I was in the hazard zone. There, no harm done."

Mark collapsed back against the pillows with a sound somewhere between 'ugh' and 'ick'. "I feel bloody disgusting," he mumbled. 

"You sound it, too," Bridget agreed. "Poor thing. I wish there was something I could do for you."

"Well there isn't. I simply have to wallow in misery until this passes. And hope I'm not dying of cancer in the process."

Bridget now seated herself on the bed, scooting up against him and placing his head in her lap. "None of that, now. You don't need to be crabby or frightened. You're going to be just fine. I'll make sure of it."

"And just how do you plan to do that?" Mark asked tiredly. 

"Oh coddling you and fussing over you. Manipulating you into submission with sweetness. The classic girlfriend maneuvers."

At last Mark cracked a smile. "I'm eager to see such maneuvers. I'm not sure as I've ever seen them before."

"Well of course you wouldn't remember even if you had. These things are very subtle, you know. The man isn't meant to know he's being manipulated, silly."

She wasn't sure he heard much of what she said, as he suddenly pulled away from her, shifting off her lap to sneeze repeatedly into his arm:

"Gihhh-HESHH'eeeww! Hihh'IHHSH'eeew!! Hhxx'AHKKT-choo! Hggh'nxxgt- CHOOOF!! –Guh! That was… f*cking heh– hehh! HehYEISHHoo! ESSHHuue!!" 

If the first volley of sneezes had frustrated him, and they must have to draw a rare curse word out of him, then having to interrupt said cursing with another sneeze maddened him. 

"You should leave, Bridget," Mark growled as he tended to his nose. "I don't want you or anyone else around until this has cleared up. I'm a danger to everyone in my current state."

"But if I leave, who will be here to look things up on the internet and convince you you're not dying of cancer?" 

Another weak smile from Mark. "Well… no one, I suppose."

"There you are, see? Then it's settled. I simply must stay." She shifted close to him again, brushing the messy hair away from his forehead once more. 

Mark sighed at her touch and sank deeper into the pillows, closing his eyes. She sensed him trying to relax, though any change was imperceptible. Even still, his next words surprised her:

"You're horribly stubborn, you know… but I'm glad you're here. Things are much more bearable when you're with me."

Bridget flushed with pleasure. “Thank you. For saying so. I'm always glad to be with you, even and perhaps especially when you're all needy and pathetic. Though I don't think the same can be said for the bedspread."

Mark sheepishly dropped the corner of the blanket he'd been using to scrub at his nose. 

Bridget laughed. "Never mind, don't worry about it. It's alright." She grasped his hand, kissing the back of it. "And we'll have you well in no time, never fear."

Mark sighed and closed his eyes again. "Thank you, darling. I very much hope you're right."

[razzleberryjam]

You might have allergies causing “postnasal drip”. It started happening to me recently too, just way milder. If you have the insurance head over to cityMD (if you’re in the us) or a different urgent care thingy. They told me I just need to take mucinex or Claritin. I didn’t because it’s mild enough that I don’t care, but you might benefit.

Just took a 12hour mucinex let's see if this works, God I really hope it does I've been suffering