#god Stalin really sucked at war

[poppy5991]

I’m listening to a series on The Winter War in which the Finnish concoct a series of hilarious and ingenious booby traps to screw over Soviet invaders who had more advanced military technology like tanks and more soldiers

And now I wish that MHA had featured a side episode of people without quirks getting pissed off and forming a regiment to conduct hijinks against AFOs small time villains.

Oh, you have a fancy quirk? Molotov cocktail ambush.

Wow, you have super strength? But are you strong enough to withstand the landmines I hid all over this building???

Your eyes can shoot lasers? Bring out the tear gas canisters.

[kfeinf-29jcdei]

I figured out a thing and now I just feel like dora the explorer. No real accomplishment but my own dance with my own backpack THAT I MADE DANCE WITH ME and a fox who steals enough to have a felony. Congratulations, you sing your own songs now too. No help unless we click on your destination for you. Kinda racist, isn't it? Why can't she have a friend with no criminal activity regularly and one more friend that's a person or animal and not her own possessions. YIKES that's evil. That's an only child too, man she's gotta have a shitty home life where is her mother and shit?

Anyway. It's a weird thing I had to like look up the entirety without finishing or going too far into detail to preserve time, world war 2 and then the cold war a little bit. I had no idea Stalin was so horrible he just killed anyone even like the men he used to kill like he wasn't even Hitler, he just gave less than the fucks Hitler had from his drugs and shit. That's my personal opinion people are BAT SHIT on a mission with continuous use of less than he did regularly or can be anyway. So, how is it Christianity and THE VATICAN BEING PUT AWAY ALONE AS A LITERAL LIKE SEPARATE ENTITY. OUT OF COUNTRY ANYONE OF THEM. JUST A FUCKING. ONLY. A. RELIGIOUS. ENTITY.

THOSE CREEPY CREEPS DID STUFF BACK THEN AND LEMME TELL YOU. I know a person who knows how those people operate with like secret secrets secretly hidden in the place that was forgotten by God and remembered by a dead guy who personally knew Jesus. Just by not talking about it. Over time, yes, they're men who wanted their way. With what he told me, I went hold on Stalin separated the Vatican and all. So LOOK AT US. MURICA, MAKE THEM BABIES CUZ POOR PEOPLE HAVE BEEN POOR OVER AND OVER WOOHOO THE RIGHT KIND OF (this is too inflammatory and opinionated but I think most minorities) THAT DIDN'T HAVE A VICTUM MIND SET MY DADDY DON'T LIKE ARE RAISIN BABIES AND FUCKIN LIKE RABBITS YEEEEEHOOOOO.

Like....if it made no sense to keep demonizing the people who aren't like so called church approved gay trans native what have you, why not figure out what God says? NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON HAS BEEN TOLD BY GOD GAYS TRANSGENDERS AND ALL THE REST aren't accepted at the human level. When is it anywhere? I mean, I always hoped and wished I'd see this in person. Because "Wait, you didn't hear the good news about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?" Virgin birth or not, um he ended a lot of people's involvement with Judaism IDC if he was human or an immortal being whatever. They listened to him teach and preserved the message.

Here's what I was made to understand, personally. sodom and gomorrah, the wrath of the divine being we know as God wasn't men having sex with adult men. Men who were raised into homophobic lives went batshit crazy, and it was normal to have children work and what not. Guess what happened? They were somehow (the ones committing pedophilia of course) being overcome with the whatever it is that causes men to rape as a result of a power trip. Then they went well this is a small human, and I have this now and it's better than what they did have or could have. Children in sexual servitude? Oh level the city to the ground and turn who looks at it into useless BS that has no value and won't even stay standing. So how did we get away from that? Idk the Catholics have the methods of prayer the most spot on of them and Christianity idk about Judaism at all. The rest are close in their own ways, but ITS OLD MEN KEEPIN OLD MENS SECRETS AND THEY MIGHT NOT KNOW. THEY PROBABLY BELIEVE REALLY REALLY HARD IN STUFF.

If there's a God just fucking put whatever telepathy everyone found out about in all the nationalism funded research that all of the big countries I believe had something of. We had MK ultra! We still have shit tons of regular people just regular ole people who can do that shit just once in a while boom I did this drug I see you and sucks cause I'm getting all that info out somewhere. God bless who has the ability to communicate it. IM PRAYING FOR THE GROUP OF LITERAL PSYCHOPATHIC DEAD MENS BULLSHIT COMING OFF OF THE RELATIONSHIP THAT THE WORLD HAS WITH RELIGION. I know America is big and loud with these abortion restrictions. If I get pregnant fuck it idgaf who it was he fucking raped me, and I was going through torture. Jail time? Good, keep me with their dicks in jail instead anyway. Look at my logic there, with a few people on my side out loud I'd have instant ignorant support. If women literally just got the ability to restrict access to sexual intercourse like as a sudden attack we could mind fucks them into their own hell or prison after prison.

Maybe if religious bullshit is talked about....maybe this will have nothing to hurt the perpetuating politicians and officials and the whole supreme court at least who went yeah we can do this evil thing...dun dun, or just a little. Let it fizzle out and give up or till the bitter endz make history and be remembered as a random power money and more power hungry asshole with no repercussions or accountability. We will see! Oh, it only keeps going the way you want so long. We get away with a lot with our own people from any government level. It's like a unintentional motivation I think. They're gonna have these people either missing from history or another "THIS WAS ALMOST ANOTHER SLAVERY. FOR A LITTLE BIT IT WAS. LOOK AT THE AFFECTED PEOPLE! SHAME SHAME SHAME DONT SPEAK THEIR NAMES OUT LOUD EW."

I can only repeat it so many times. Maybe God will help, never know. Good big giant clear cut in all languages maybe even sign anyone and anything can see and go "oh good people are all people." Could happen. It'd be cool without the prophet going through the whole entire Bible type thing. I mean why was all of the old testament like....Noah had something to do with Jesus right? I don't remember. What was that? Why? It was a sadists story. God did a thing he never does too like wow ok, kill the girl children, you didn't! Good, I was wrong. UM NO. God made all the breathing things and the plants. No capacity for it. Who else was in there talking? Wtf? They didn't even keep a dinosaur that was small. So we have no mention anyhow. Like I have more opinions but they're too much of a thing you wanna stab a bigger version of church.

Also, if witchcraft is not good what are the Catholics doing on TV? Look up Norse pagans, find the deity Freya okay. Animals, she loves the animals it's tame and you can't deny it! Find me a simple little bit of a cleansing routine with one. Thing. To. Cleanse. With. Compare it to all the smoking shit and the hand motions and the oils and all of it. Sir, you're wearing stuff women were burned for dancing in around fire in Salem and doing LESS. What. Is. This. Shit.

[weaselbeaselpants]

That Krispy Cat: A Warning, part 3

The last of the images cause I don’t want this bitch on my computer anymore. 

Knowing tumblr I kept the images hidden JUUUUST in case no one reads the fine print and can’t tell I’m being critical of this and gets me in trouble.

VVV ((Just in case you thought the JewishGriffon piece assured everyone that Crispy couldn’t POSSIBLY hate people of color, some of her earliest Nazi art had her character Klaus beating up Amigo Bear. She also made Amigo into a liberal strawman. )) VVV

((Dialogue to one of her TROLLARIOUS pictures that featured Amigo:

Amigo Bear: *muttering* "Your leader was a !@#$% little #@%^!@$^*!, you fascist feather duster..." General Klaus: "Fräulein, Ich vant you to cover your ears und shut your eyes as tight as you can." Crispy: "How come, General?" General Klaus: "Klaus ist about to say und do very bad sings zhat he does not vant his little Edelweiß to see or hear." Crispy: "Alrighty!" General Klaus: "WHO SAID ZHAT ABOUT DER FÜHRER? WER DIE FICK GESAGT? WHO'S ZUH SCHLEIMIG LITTLE COMMUNIST-SCHEISS SCHWANZLUTSCHER DOWN ZHERE, WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH VARRANT? NIEMAND?! GOTTVERDAMMT STALIN SAID IT! HERVORRAGEND! VHICH VUN OF YOU VANTS TO BE ZUH FIRST TO FIND OUT ZUH HARD VAY VHY MEIN FEINDE CALLED MIR DER BUTCHER BIRD?" ))

^^^ ((BUTOPHERARTISGOODSOYOUCAN’TCOMPLAIN

also the disc. for this pic before it was deleted had a ‘joke’ about cooking Jews in ovens. Oh and yes, that IS Hitler she’s giving that ugly ass cupcake too.))

^^^ (( - Thanks dA I never would have known I had a notifications unless eclipse blah -

This is one of her rants about how #Triggered she is that Starlight be compared to the Nazis when she runs a communist cult. Because A) that’s the real problem here and B) I too get upset when people say my OC is based on Jeffrey Dahmer when he’s so CLEARLY based on Ed Gein, Bwwwaaaah D> D> D> !)) ^^^

VVV ((Ugly art of her friend’s awful OCs.)) ^^^

VVV ((Crispy showing off why no one wants to be a patriot in our country.)) VVV

((FYI, Crisp, that attitude will make the Hamilton fans stronger so just keep that SJW-flinging coming you little SJW.

WHAT?! Social Justice is a broad term and as Crispy’s plainly demonstrated, you can circle it around and make a majority-class sound like the real underprivledged if you have enough fancy frou frou know-how and furries. Also, if a Social Justice Warrior constitutes someone who takes their cause soooo seriously that they’re annoying/petting/cruel/stupid about it....idk I think Crispy qualified.))

^^^ ((Crispy and her friend muse about what other races occupy the world of MLP in her headcanon. This, more than any other dA disc. and picture shows you her brand of “Segregationist-Nationalism is OKAY” thinking, cuz the art of these different races isn’t super offensive or cruel and neither are the characters. BUT if you scratch under the surface you’ll find that Crispy really likes these different people staying in their place and not in “someone else’s” country.

THEN, this same kind of thinking is used to convince you any mix of cultures is just cultural appropriation, again acting like she and her Nazi-stans are the only ones standing up to actual bigotry.)) VVV

^^^ ((Crispy makes the world a worse place by bringing up actual decent points; like how Americans dress Thanksgiving up as progressive and for the natives when we all know that’s not true...all to better her worldview.

fyi, GET OUT whenever you see a selfproclaimed Nazi fawn over Native Americans, because: Nazi Germany had a deep fascination with American Indians and used their struggles about their land being taken away from them to justify their eugenic genocide.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy laughing it up on Furaffinity how she couldn’t be banned from her Furaffinity and then mysteriously never using her site there wowie.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy complaining about SOPA cause her freedom of speech and blahblahblah.

Freedom of Speech is important. Unfortunately what people like Crispy don’t understand or care for is there’s no freedom of consequence. )) vvv

VVV ((LOL Joseph Mengele was such a stinkah let’s tell blithe jokes about him. At least WE AREN’T LIKE HIM!!!)) VVVV

VVV ((Early onset eugenic BS from her Spyro stuff that would be easy to miss if you didn’t know what this woman was talking about)) VVV

((Crispy admitting she thinks gays are pointless cuz they don’t reproduce but apparently loves them anyway. Also big shock Crispy’s seen Hetalia.)) VVV

VVV ((Crispy probably wanting Weeaboos to attack her cuz aren’t Japan’s animations so laaaaaaazy?!!?!? GUUdd think’ I’m a naziaboo! Germany’s never made any shitty animation evah. You know what, I lied. She doesn’t deserve Hetalia. She just doesn’t.)) VVVV

VVV ((Crispy dragging Brazil down with her as the apparent “Best South American Country”. Yikes.)) VVV

VVV ((More “it’s trolling ergo it’s not harmful” shit. Bulgarians probably do deserve their own Care Bears, but they certainly don’t want yours Crispy.)) VVV

VVV ((Disc. for her Richard Spencer bear art)) VVV

------

I know, I know...this isn’t what you wanted to read today, guys. I know it’s offensive and I’m sorry if it made you ill. I also know I’m putting my own blog under fire by showing these images here but I think that should say something about dA’s bad policies that this art gets a filter slapped on it and nothing more when the artist is blatantly pro-fascist.

Crispy resonates with me so much - and no it’s not cause I DARED to be “triggered”.

It’s because, for one, she was talented. I MEAN I HAVE EYES! That’s some nicely drawn digital stuff I’m not gonna deny. She had some cool rewrites and sequel ideas that, had it come from someone else I would have eaten up and faved to hell and back onceupona2012. But I didn’t, where a ton of MLP and furry fans did because they undervalued their own talents and would say “well it’s pretty who cares about the message?” 

Unlike so many commercial+published artists, it’s REALLY hard to separate the art from the artist here because the artist is so connected and a part of her art and storytelling. If you fav her art, even if you didn’t like her, that was telling Crispy she’d won. It’s so defeating to have other artists say their gonna ignore their gut for the sake of prettypretty-Don-Bluth style art. And yes, that stigma DOES affect my view on 2D purists btw.

Crispy was so holier than thou’, and that attitude also was appealing to dA folks, not to mention her knowledge of art history by the time she dropped off the radar. Crispy was the kind of person who’d make long, detailed, justified rants against the design and color choices in Hazbin Hotel and then a bunch of antis would eat her redesigns up only to learn the awful truth later and embarrass themselves cuz they were so taken up by the craft they didn’t know they were reblogging a fucking Nazi.

Not to underplay Viv’s wrongdoings of course, but I’m sorry; the two aren’t comparable on the problematic artist meter. THAT’S HOW BAD CRISPY WAS.

If this somehow was just a faze and she’s come to her senses or doesn’t really think this shite she preaches...I don’t care. She said some vile shit and fuck no I’m not forgiving her. It’s like KenDraw or Shadman. You’ve changed your life around and realized you’ve done/drawn nasty shit that’s done real harm? Cool....I’m still not talking or ever promoting you, ya dingbat. You ain’t no Roman Polanski or Doug Tennaple. You’re a singular internet artist and any support of the project has to go to you - and you suck!

ThisCrispyKat was a wakeup call that showed me these people not only still exist but will be allowed to get away with it. I was very touchy bout this kind of thing back in the day. Fuck, I STILL AM TOUCHY. The rabbit holes I found thanks to Crispy opened up to reveal communities where people think my hair color’s going extinct. People would detail how much they wanted to rape me - a natural blonde - and kill my friends and family for not looking like me. That they want to jerk off in my naturally curly hair and see me in glowy German princess gowns preparing them dinner.

Crispy and other Nazistans would look at me; a blond-haired blue eyed Polish/German American woman and think I need to be “fixed” because I DARE to repeat propaganda that the Nazis were bad. They’d call me a traitor for thinking that celebrating the Nazi party ISN’T German pride.

HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT’S GERMAN PRIDE! I’LL SHOW YOU GERMAN PRIDE YOU EGOSTROKING-LIMPDICKED ATTENTION WHORES.

People like Crispy make it 1000x harder to actually show interest in German things. Because I AM interested in German shit btw.

Like for real: it’s a country I’d love to visit one day (at least the black forest, which is where my mom’s fam comes from). I love German art and German fairytales slap. I really do want to explore my heritage through art and stuff.

But guess what? Much as Crispy would argue to the contrary I DO know my WWII history and beyond and FUCK YOU if you honestly think jerking it to cuddly Nazi-furs is empowering or just “showing your interest in history”. Take your own advice and read a god-damn book.

TL;DR: I DO NOT have to be proud of Nazis to enjoy German culture and if you think otherwise, FUCK YOU. It’s a slap in the face to everyone even if you are ‘just trolling’ and it in no way values actual German’s feeling on the matter. It’s annoying how people undervalue real people just for the sake of fan art.

The Nazis were evil. They were racist, eugenic-genocidal idiots who killed over six million Jewish people, Romani, Slavs, Jehovahs Witnesses, disabled people, Poles, homosexuals and prisoners of war. They would have killed my dad’s side of the family if they were in Poland at the time. They made bullshit tanks that killed the people making them and didn’t work on the battlefield. Their leader was a fat, farting one-testicaled bastard who preferred animals to people.

They ruined everything for everyone and then took the easy way out, leaving the Germans that were left in the hands of the also-genocidal Soviets and Americans. Germany is still paying their war debts and now, 70-80 years later everyone else wants to laugh off this dark period of history with memes and forget what they did, and as such, are forgetting the victims of the genocide.

I have 0 tolerance for Nazi things for the sake of HUMANITY, let alone the individual groups they target. I don’t have to have German ancestry or know a single Jewish person to tell you any of this. It’s fucking history.

Eat shit.

[365days365movies]

February 9, 2021: Doctor Zhivago (Part 3)

INTERMISSION’S OVER! Hope you got your snacks and popcorn, because we’ve got an hour and 20 to go!

Recap (Part 3/3)

Train’s stopped, but not at its intended location. The reason is because there’s a battle taking place up ahead in Yuriatin, where the train is headed through. See, the Bolsheviks - well, actually, the Communists now, to be accurate - are waging battle against the anti-Communist White Army, and have occupied Yuriatin.

Yuri leaves the train to find out what the deal is, and he’s captured by the Communists under suspicion of being a spy. Leading them, of course, is Pasha, now going by Strelnikov. After a brief round of suspicion, Pasha admits a former admiration of Yuri’s poetry, now viewed as anti-Communist. Yuri reveals his connection to Pasha’s wife, and Pasha reveals that he has not seen her during the war, and she’s living in...Yuriatin.

JESUS PASHA WHAT THE HELL

Well, after having this friendly discussion with a GODDAMN MONSTER, Pasha lets him go back to his family, luckily for him. He gets back to the train JUST in time, and the family are left at their intended destination, as planned. It almost seems that their struggles are over, as flowers are blooming amidst the previously ubiquitous winter.

Can’t say the same for Yuriatin, as we see it on fire in the distance. However, the Gromeko’s cottage is apparently totally fine, untouched by the Red and the White Armies.

Well, mostly untouched, as it’s been sealed up by the Red Army. Stopping Alexander from breaking in, Yuri and their local friend, Petya (Jack MacGowran) figure out that the cottage of the house is still open, and the family happily settles in there.

During their time there, Tonya becomes pregnant once again. Strelnikov leaves for Manchuria, which seems like good news. But that’s tempered with the very, VERY bad. Czar Nicholas and the Romanovs, exiled for years, have been shot. Sorry, Anastasia.

Spring to summer, summer to winter, and winter once again to spring, and the family is doing well, in relative poverty as they are. By the way, before I forget to mention this, why does Omar Sharif (he plays Yuri) ALWAYS look like he’s been crying? Dude has perpetually red puffy eyes, I swear. Like, look at the GIF below. See? He wasn’t crying, he wasn’t even sad there, but his eyes ALWAYS LOOK THAT WAY. Not his fault, but I just can’t not notice it.

But now, we go to another place, and another set of eyes. Yuri makes his way to Yuriatin on a visit, and there, a reunion takes place at the library in town.

Yuri and Lara catch up, have a good time, and then OH GODDAMN IT

EVERY TIME! WHY IS IT INFIDELITY IN EVERY ONE OF THESE GODDAMN MOVIES??? Yuri’s seemingly happy, he’s got another kid on the way, and I get that he’s loved Lara for a long time at this point, but can we just have a SINGLE. FAITHFUL. RELATIONSHIP in these movies, for the love of CHRIST!!!

And this is just as Tonya’s close to giving birth to their second child. Yuri seems to realize this, and he heads to Yuriatin to officially end it with Lara...and he does, to some credit. It hurts them both pretty grievously, but he does what’s right. But NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED I GUESS

Red Partisan Army just kidnapped him! BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DID. His poetry has finally caught up to him, and he is taken away from his “private life.” After all, like Pasha said, private life is dead in Russia. Fuck me, man.

So, Yuri’s been kidnapped as a field doctor for the Civil War, as the Red Partisans go up against the White Army, at one point killing a unit of literal children. During his stay, allies advocate for his release, but to no avail. Yuri is stuck with the army for TWO GODDAMN YEARS, away from his wife and two children.

He eventually just leaves, in the middle of the winter during a trek. He just...wanders off. Frozen, tired, and probably badly frostbitten, he makes his way back to Yuriatin, where he discovers that his family has left. However, it would appear that Lara may still be in town. Finding a key and letter meant for him, he makes his way into the apartment, where he passes out.

Lara cares for him as he wakes up, and reveals that Tonya and the kids are safe. Later, she gives him a sealed letter from Tonya, which was sent six months prior. It’s revealed that he was a daughter, Anna, and that they have been deported from Russia, and are going to Paris. They don’t know where they’ll be headed, and there’s no telling if Yuri will ever see them again. Which...sucks.

But then, soon after, the two get an unexpected visitor: Victor Fuckin’ Komarovsky! Yeah, thought you’d seen the last of him! he comes from Moscow, and offers the pair his help. See, Tonya and the kids are not in the best of situations down in France, and Yuri’s not only a deserter, but seen as a dangerous man by the government for his poetry, which has officially been labeled anti-Communist propaganda. Fuckin’ YIKES.

The two refuse their help at first, but Lara realizes the real danger that Yuri’s in. Turns out that Victor knows so much because he’s been appointed the Minister of Justice, and offers the two an out from the country. They continue to refuse him, and it’s revealed that Lara’s ALSO in trouble, as her husband is still technically Strelnikov. But, after Victor is ONCE AGAIN a DICK, they kick him out.

Realiing that they’re in trouble, the two escape to Varykino, which is gorgeous, by the way. Although the whole place appears to be dusty and a bit snowed in, the two and Lara’s daughter, Katya (Lucy Westmore) settle in. There, Yuri does something we’ve never actually seen him do: write poetry. To be specific, he writes a set of poems that he is famous for, by the time we get to the time period from the beginning of the film, all of which are themed around Lara.

It’s also at this point that the two begin their love affair in earnest, and...I weirdly am OK with this. Look, they’ve loved each other for a long time, and the likelihood that either of them will see their spouses again is EXTREMELY low. The two embrace their love, and begin to imagine what life would’ve been like if they’d met each other before.

But Victor, surprisingly, returns. He makes them an offer once again, and it’s revealed that Strelnikov is dead. Turns out that he was sought by the government, as they wished Strelnikov dead all along. He was headed to Lara when he was caught, and comitted suicide while in custody, returning to his true identity of Pasha at the end. Fuckin’ WHOOF.

But there’s the problem: with Lara’s usefulness as a lure gone, she’s now set to be executed, along with Katya. Given this information, Yuri agrees to go with Victor, and Lara and Katya come along. But guess what! THERE ISN’T ENOUGH ROOM ON THE CARRIAGE OUT OF THERE. BECAUSE OF COURSE THERE ISN’T.

And in case you weren’t sure, Zhivago is indeed left behind, as he actually never intended to go with Victor, due to his dislike for the man. But Lara’s now safe, which is what he wanted all along. Not to mention the fact that Lara is now pregnant with Yuri’s daughter. Which is when we cut back to the present day.

Tanya, from the very beginning, is almost certainly Lara and Yuri’s daughter. Born the same year, in the China or Mongolia (where Lara was headed with Katya and Victor), and with similar eyes and complexion, it’s a near certainty. She denies it, but Yevgraf continues. See, he eventually did find Yuri, malnourished, and cared for him.

Stalin’s now in charge, and Yuri is practicing Dr. Zhivago once more. Years later, he boards a trolley in the city, suffering from a heart disease at this point. On the trolley, he sees Lara walking on the street, and tries to get off to see her. But, once he finally gets off the trolley, the strain is too much for him.

At Yuri’s funeral, Lara and Yuri meet. There, she asks for Yevgraf’s help to find her child, but they never do. And after that, at some point...she’s taken to one of Stalin’s labor camps, where she most certainly died. Jesus, man.

And now, we learn of Tanya’s fate. Komarovsky, whom she believed to be her father, abandoned her on the streets when running from the chaos of the Russian Civil War. BECAUSE HE IS A GODDAMN DICK. She does not want to believe that this is the truth, but she says that she’ll consider it. As she and her partner, David, leave the interview, it’s revealed that she can play the balalaika, which her departed father could never do. But the fact that she’s a self-taught master of it speaks to her ancestry, as Zhivago and Lara’s daughter.

And uh...I’m gonna be honest, that didn’t even feel like 3 hours and 20 minutes. Really! That was Doctor Zhivago! I really liked this one! But more on that in the Review. Stay tuned for that!

[littleangel4996]

His Favorite Student

Professor!Duncan Shepherd X Reader one shot

Summary: you are one of Duncan's best students. You are never late, never miss a class, nor flirts and asks for help. What happens when he asks you to stay after class.

Warning: Smut, Oral(female and male receiving) fingering vaginal, Spanking, Age difference (reader is 23 and Duncan is like 36) Sir kink , Praise kink, public sex.

Y/n P.O.V

"World War II was also called the Second World War, conflict that involved virtually every part of the world during the years 1939–45" Professor Shepherd finished after writing down the questions on the board. I've been studying in his class for 3 months and aced an A in his class not missing a lesson in his class. Especially if I get sick I pack myself Theraflu and Tylenol. Most of the girls in my class are always wearing trampy ass clothes such as short skirts, crop tops and don't get me started on how they "accidentally" drop a pen or a pencil and bend over in front of the Professor's desk while he's doing work showing off their pretty pink thongs. 

Ugh, I just want to jump over my desk and kick them square in the face-

"Ms. (Y/l/n)" Professor called out. "What was the cause of World War II?" He asked. I didn't need to look in my book or ask a partner.

"World War II began in Europe on September 1, 1939, when Germany invaded Poland." He grinned pointing at me saying "Right you are" and writes it on the board. I couldn't help the smirk coming up on my face. I can't help it, I love being right and I never gotten an answer wrong in my life.

"Alright another question, Who were the leaders during World War II?" Regina, dressed in a short pink dress showing too much cleavage with brown hair rose her hand up being all flirty and shit. "Ms Smith, go ahead".

"United Kingdom, Soviet Union, France, and uhh the United States yeah." God her fucking voice is more annoying than nails on a chalk board. Plus she got it totally wrong. Almost.

"And their names and you're missing three countries" he almost sounded annoyed at her answer. Again, can I kick her?

"What the hell, that is so totally right. I've been studying every night how can I get it wrong!" She exclaimed.

"The Allied powers were led by Winston Churchill of UK, Joseph Stalin of the Soviet Union, Charles de Gaulle of France, and Franklin D. Roosevelt and Harry S. Truman of the US. The Axis powers were led by Adolf Hitler of Germany, Benito Mussolini of Italy, and Hideki Tojo of Japan." I answered.

"And Regina if you weren't studying what's the Professor's pelvic area and trying to get his attention by dressing like a Barbie doll whore you might get the answers right next time". All was heard from the class was "burn" and "damn girl". Professor Shepherd had to quiet down the class and dismissed us having Regina cry while leaving the class. 

As I was about to leave Professor Shepherd stopped me.

"Ms (y/l/n), a word." Fuck me. I've never been in trouble with him but I guess when I called Regina a Barbie doll whore then yeah I guess  going to get a lecture. He gestures me to have a seat and him facing me leaning on his desk.

"So Ms (y/l/n), why do you think it was okay to call Ms Smith a Barbie doll whore" he scowled.

"I'm sorry Professor, she really pissed me off, she doesn't care about this class none of these sluts do. Dressing in their pastel short dress, bright makeup and when they bend over showing their fucking thongs right in front of you're goddamn face" I ranted. His expression softened. He leaned in front of me with his hands on the chair handles.

"Are you jealous?"

"No, I'm just here to learn and not worry about sex or partying like everyone else does" I snapped. He leans back smirking on my answer. 

"I knew there was something about you that I liked. You're self assured, ambitious and intelligent beautiful creature" he complimented. I got up from the chair. Am I dreaming or what because he never complimented me like that.

"Umm, Professor-" he cuts me off with a kiss, grabbing my hips. 

"Please, call me Duncan (y/n)" he breathed. Without thinking for a second I began pulling him for another kiss. This kiss was very needy and passionate. Damn I've always thought Duncan was attractive but never thought of him as a good kisser. I know this feels very very wrong and I'm going against everything I wouldn't do but fuck I want this, I need this, I need him.

I grabbed him by the collar of his black button up, turning around to push him on the chair. I waited for him to take his trousers down but it is almost like he wants me to do it. 

"I'm nothing like the other whores, take off your own damn pants" he was taken aback by my words but managed to unbuckle his belt pulling down his black slacks along with his briefs. My eyes widened at his size and girth. I looked up at him and smirks at my reaction.

"Can you handle it little one"

"You've underestimate me sir" As I got down on my knees wrapping my delicate fingers around his shaft as I jerked it with my hands a little then I take just the tip in my mouth slowly swirling my tongue like a lollipop and taking him fully and stroking him. Hearing him groan just encourage me to go all the way.

I hold the base of his penis with one hand, and play with his balls with the other.

"Fuck, you're really good at this " he complemented and I just winked at him making my movements faster with him grabbing a hold of my hair out of my face so he can have a good look at me. I swirled my tongue as I used the exact amount of suction to drive him insane. He moaned and moaned. Every moan I got out of him was a trophy, only driving me onward. 

Summoning every bit of self-restraint he had, he bade me to stop. "Come up here my pet." he beckoned over to his desk. Without asking I pushed the papers to the floor. I looked behind me and he's still sitting in his chair.

"Now, look at the mess you've made. I'm afraid I'm gonna punish you my dear. Now be a good girl like you've always have in my class and take off those jeans.

"Yes, sir" I replied. I start to unbuckle my jeans, pulling them down slowly to tease him. He knew what I was doing and he wasn't liking it. 

Finally getting the jeans off along with my panties ,pushing them aside with my foot. When I was about to unbutton my blouse Duncan jumped out of his seat as he pushed my hands away and ripping it open to reveal my Victoria's Secret bra. Luckily you can unclip it from the front so he won't have to rip it off so he won't buy me a new one. He takes the bra off me tossing it with my pants and shoes. His hands start to stroke your sides and my fingers slip under your hip bones. I raise my hips to meet his but stopping just short.

"Tsk tsk tsk baby" he said, turning me around as I placed my hands on his desk.

" Now, you are going to count whenever I spank your pretty smart ass and when I do spank you will also say sir" he growled in my ear and I nodded with a whimper.

"*Spank* 1, sir." I whimpered

"*Spank* 2, sir."

"*Spank* 3 sir" I moaned.

"*Spank* 4 sir".

"*Spank* ahh oh fuck, 5 sir please. I need you sir so badly" I moaned. I looked behind me and he gets down on his knees and he starts to devour my pussy with his tongue and mouth from behind as I gripped his desk for leverage.  No man has ever done this with me. All of them didn't know how to please me and Duncan Shepherd, my history professor is having me bend at his desk devouring my pussy like it's water. He starts to lick me up like an ice cream cone and starts pumping a finger inside me. 

"Ever Since you've walked into my class, you're all I've been thinking about" then adds his second finger, curling them as he hits my g-spot. I knew I was ready to cum. I wanted to cum so badly and he knew that. Duncan takes his fingers out of me as he stands up and gives my ass one more slap. 

"Are you ready for me baby" he said, stroking his cock. 

"Yes sir, please fuck me" I gasped as

he plunged his cock hard inside me.  I rose up on my elbows and pushed back against him as I felt his hips slapping rhythmically against my ass.  Duncan grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back against him with every thrust. I looked back at him as we watched each other’s pleasure grow.  His cock was even harder now, and I was drenched with arousal. The look in his eyes was almost feral, and I wanted him to fuck me…hard.

His hands found my breasts, and his fingers coaxed my nipples, and they ached with every pinch.  My clit began to throb, and I thrust my hips with the arousal that was building again inside me.

"You're the only one that interest me" he nipped and sucked on my neck, leaving me a red mark to remind me I'm his.

"Not all those ladies who think they're better than you. You have something that they don't. A brain, and more importantly a fucking personality" he growled in my ear.

"Oh yesss" I hissed. His pace became more faster. 

"Please, I want to cum" I gasped.

"What was that my favorite Student, say it correctly and I may just give you what you like my angel" he groaned.

"Oh please sir, please let me cu-" I was cut off by his hard fast thrust screaming from the pleasure I was getting. 

"Don't you dare cum without me, " he said. Thank God for birth control. "We're gonna cum in 5...4...3...2...oh fuck 1, cum for sir baby cum for me" my orgasm came out of me as I came all over my Professor's cock and thrusted a couple more times in me.

---

We start putting our clothes on. Luckily Duncan had wipes so I wouldn't have to feel sticky. "Well I better be going" I was about to head out of his class then I turned around by Duncan giving me the sweetest, softest kiss.

We pulled away with our heads touching and said " I meant what I said (y/n). You're very special to me. May I take you to dinner on Saturday". I simply nodded. "Yes, Duncan I'd love too" .

A/n: Any thoughts on this? 

Like, comment or reblog and I have one more one shot. 

  @barbie-solecism

@sodanova

@wvntersldr

@kylolangdon

@theghostoflangdon

@miskwaadesiwag

@whysosadmcfly

@creativedogs

@kaccatus

@goddess-of-inferno

@captainskyline

@gracethegeek9902

@castiel-saved-me-from-myself

@amortentiaxo

@langdonsdemon

@poisedphantom

@dyns33

@avesatanormalpeoplescareme

@lvngdvns

@7-wonders

@mytrash-mylife

@myfavouritelunatic

@videogame-addict

[stowawayproductions-blog]

The Wife vs Colette vs Lizzie: We Run the World

Written 10/15/18

Glenn Close, Keira Knightly, Kristen Stewart, Chloe Sevigny. I wouldn’t want to meet any of these women in a dark alley, at least not if I’m an arrogant man who’s trying to run their lives.

Within the last two weeks, all three of these powerhouse feminist rants made their way into the Darkside Cinema (our local indie theater in Corvallis, Oregon. You know the one, hidden on top of a bookstore, up two flights of stairs, with the slogan “We Suck Less” scrawled across the olds-mobile style drinks cooler). At a glance, none of them are in my top five of the year, probably not even my top ten, but what they say together elevates them to something worth writing about.

I saw Lizzie first. My fiancee and I went in expecting poetry and got…well, not poetry. He was harder on it than I, tearing to bits its drab writing and hazy narrative. I felt defensive, recognizing the attempt at a feminist rallying cry, and wanting to support the effort even if the product fell short. Kristin Stewart amazes of course, bringing a realistic attitude to the otherwise fantastical cast of characters. Jamie Sheridan is basic, Dennis O’Hare is unnecessarily slimy, and even Chloe Sevigny performs below her talents with a flattened version of what this mysterious character could have become. Everyone else could be replaced with cardboard cutouts and probably deliver their lines with equal fervor. Stewart, however, shines like the sun. She’s meek, defenseless, and defeated. Showing in her emotional climax the level to which women have been beaten into submission; expecting rape, expecting blame, expecting ownership. The mix of determination and apathy is complex and fascinating, giving Stewart the opportunity to use all her skills and defining her career to this point. I cannot wait to see what she brings us next.

Next I saw The Wife. I went solo to this one, and I’m glad I did. I love my fiancee, but there are some stories that we as women have to experience alone, if for no other reason than to be able to sit in a dark theater and quietly hate men without feeling the need to say to the person sitting next to us “well except you dear”; and my goodness, thank you Jonathan Pryce for being willing to be a punching bag for all our pent up aggression. Cathartic and thoughtful, Glenn Close delivers a magnum opus for all women who feel underappreciated next to men in our field who are, often…okay, for the sake of this piece, who are USUALLY not as talented as we are. I’d also like to add that while working the register at said local theater (yes I work there now, definite pay drop but huge moral promotion), The Wife received mixed reviews from patrons exiting, however everyone who didn’t like it happened to be, you guessed it, a middle aged man. One man told me why he didn’t like it, saying that the characters were unrealistic and the story unbelievable: “That would never happen in this day and age”, “A woman who’s supposed to be so intelligent and in tune with her emotions would have handled that situation better”. Guess what sir who-I’m-not-allowed-to-yell-at-because-you’re-a-customer, this would ABSOLUTELY happen in this day and age, and normal humans who are just trying to fucking survive would ABSOLUTELY handle it that way. It’s hard to get into this without spoiling the plot, but for those of us who have had the honor of witnessing this beautiful story, Joan (Close) is a disturbingly accurate vessel for our thoughts and feelings on ambition, devotion, and making it through the day as a second class citizen. The whole cast is splendid, the story moving, and the message bone-shaking, forcing me into an existential crisis, wondering if I even culturally have the potential to ever be sat next to equals, or if I will always be in a class below, paired up with men who are less than me but seen as equal because the “real” men are at the other table making Birdman and Moonlight and winning all the things. But I digress. As I did for an entire night. Moving on.

Lastly I saw Colette. Ah Keira Knightly, I wanted to be you as a little girl watching Pirates of the Caribbean, and I want to be you today as a grown woman trying to figure out what being creative and independent really means. A beautifully rendered ode to classic filmmaking, Colette rises from its traditional format to challenge the heavyweight dramas of today. Its story is elegant, its writing is soft, is message is clear, and Keira Knightly reminds us all why being a woman is not something to overcome but something of which we are god damn proud. With hints of sexual freedom and trans rights that don’t overshadow the central theme, we’re privileged to observe three dimensional characters fraught with believable and relatable issues. Unlike Stewart and Sevigny in the above-mentioned lesbian period piece, Knightly crackles with chemistry with not one, not two, but THREE of her female dalliances, making the sex scenes not only enjoyable (this coming from someone who has never seen a sex scene that I consider necessary) but enlightening to the story and character.

To (finally) get back to my original point: I am honored to be living in a time when I can see these three movies back to back, and more-so when I can write about these movies and not be dismissed as just a “woman writer”, and these women, some real and some fictional, have made this reality possible. It is a bit of a shame that the directors of these films are Bjorn Runge, Craig William Macneill, and Wash Westmoreland (see an ironic pattern?), but regardless of that, these films are a one-two-three punch at a world that has changed so much in the direction of inclusion, but still has so far to go. Watch out boys, we’re coming to take our stage and we’ve got talent, determination, and years of pent up rage on our side. Next step: hand over the camera and let us tell our own stories.

“The hand that holds the pen writes history” — Colette, 2018

Ratings: Lizzie — Disappointing; in my bottom 2 of 2018. The Wife — Great; in my top 10 of 2018. Colette — Great; in my top 10 of 2018.

Great 6) Sorry to Bother You 7) The Wife 8) Colette 9) How to Talk to Girls at Parties 10) The Death of Stalin 11) Eighth Grade 12) Love, Simon 13) RBG 14) The Old Man and the Gun 15) Bad Times at the El Royale 16) Lean On Pete 17) You Were Never Really Here 18) Crazy Rich Asians

Good 19) BlackkKlansman 20) First Reformed 21) First Man 22) A Quiet Place 23) Annihilation 24) Blaze 25) Tag 26) The Miseducation of Cameron Post 27) The Hate U Give 28) Hereditary 29) Avengers: Infinity War 30) Black Panther 31) Tully 32) Searching 33) Mandy

Some Issues 34) Halloween 35) A Star Is Born 36) The Spy Who Dumped Me 37) Disobedience 38) Pick of the Litter 39) Ready Player One 40) A Simple Favor

Disappointing 41) Lizzie 42) The Party

[averageartmajor]

Things my history professor has said

“Hitler plus Stalin equals assholes”

“HUMAN BEINGSSSSSS” very emphatically

“I was just going to college to have fun and here I am”

“I first met my fiancée in Spanish class when I leaned over to her and said ‘you think this is a bullshit class too right?’”

Casually told us he used to be lead vocalist in in a metal band??? And then??? Just moved on??

“I very much regret buying this hot coffee”

“I need to get me some soup pants”

“I guess we’ll all suffer together!”

“That would be weird if I could make humans... i guess I can....”

“Is everyone having a good time? Well no because obviously this class sucks.”

*sarcastically* “hmm does history actually affect us today?” *deadpan* “uh yeah it does”

“The history channel is garbage, but pawn stars is really good!”

*on horses* “you see a four legged god creature running around so you tame it and then you think ‘hey maybe I can ride this thing‘ and then you think to yourself ‘hey I don’t have to walk no mo’ and bam native Americans started using horses”

“While you’re in my class you’re all perfect, as soon as you leave you’re all horrible”

“Disney’s Pocahontas was a horrible adaptation. I would’ve enjoyed living during that time period”

“Henry threw a conniption fit like any king does”

“ the pope leaned to the king of Spain and whispered ‘should I do this?’ And the king of Spain was like ‘no you shouldnt’”

“Queen Elizabeth I had a lot of boyfriends... she swiped right on a lot of guys”

“Holy god, that is insane!!”

“A lot of history is just people dying”

“Doctors were just priests going ‘ooh you better pray son; gotta get rid of all those bones’”

*on cannibalism of a pregnant woman* “you’re probably thinking this is sensible because then you can gain the power of a grown woman and a baby... well that would be wrong and you’re sick!”

“ I don’t know weed culture very well so I’m trying to think of weed jokes but I’m doing a bad job”

“King James hated tobacco until he saw how much money it made him and went ‘SELL THAT SHIT’ and that’s how he made money in Jamestown”

*dejected when we weren’t excited to hear about a war* “You’re all pacifists. I see how it is..”

“Are you guys ready to talk about war??!” *class agrees* “you guys are sick”

“I swear Netflix is trying to make us all facists”

*on puritans* “they wanted to have crap. They were all very constipated”

“No offence to puritans but they hated fun”

*trying to spell the name of a tribe* “W...A........shit...”

*James I on puritans* “You guys are annoying PLEASE go away”

“Puritans are the ultimate sjws. #yourewrong. #burninhellcatholics”

“Oh you’re not a Protestant? I’m gonna have to kill you now!”

“You don’t believe in MY god? :/ so sad”

*talking about how classy older wars used to be* “We will meet you on this day at this time. Show up or show out.”

“With a hat like that, no ones gonna eff with you. That’s a technical term by the way.”

*in a British accent* “good sirs, would you gtfo?”

“George Washington accidentally killed a French emissary and was like ‘ohhhh shit shit shit’”

“The main reason for the French and Indian war is just the effect of George Washington making a lot of mistakes”

“New England is ONE BIG ASS SNAKE”

“Why the hell do you keep building a town there? It’s obviously cursed.”

[spaciousreasoning]

Where Do I Begin?

Continuing a personal history experiment, originally written in 1993.

There is a green volume that sits amid the piles of papers and other detritus that threaten to turn my study from an orderly little place into a cluttered whirlpool that will suck me into oblivion. Or perhaps, in a fit of spontaneous combustion, the collection of books and newspapers and magazines and other stuff will burn me to a cinder.

But the green volume contains much research material on the history of my family, or, more accurately, my father's branch of the family. I remain, sadly, more or less in ignorance of three-fourths of my heritage. Because my father’s parents divorced at a point when he was their only issue and he remained with his mother, I was not much in touch with the Banks portion of my family. I never really had a “Grandpa” Banks, though we occasionally visited him and his other family, including an aunt who was about my own age.

Explorations of family history were never high on the list of leisure time activities in the household where I grew up, so my ancestors were limited in actual practice to the grandparents I knew and some few of their siblings. There was no generation before them, as nearly as I was able to make out as a child.

So the green volume, when I first stumbled upon it in my parents’ home during a Christmas reunion of the family in 1990, was a double treasure. Not only did it connect me with the “lost” Banks part of the family, it went even farther than that, tracing our branch back to a gentleman from England who arrived in America before the middle of the 17th century. It told me plenty about my father's father, and his father, and his father before him. It even showed me pictures of some of these ancestors, one or two of the faces as eerily familiar as my own or a brother’s or sister’s.

Thanks to my youngest brother and his wife, and their three offspring, the Banks line is assured of continuing. There aren’t any promising signs from my other siblings, and my wife and I, although we have discussed raising a family, have taken no steps to begin one at this point.

Having fixed myself in time and space in relation to my relations, I am somewhat more at ease in beginning an examination of my life. I know that the world did not come into being on August 25, 1953, all else springing fully formed from the mind of God at the same moment.

Well, so maybe I don’t know that for certain. But, according to all the evidence I have been able to gather, from all the information I have consumed, it appears that 1953 was a not entirely routine year well before my birth date. Without benefit of research at hand, the only thing I can say with certainty that happened during that year was the death of Stalin. In some of my more bizarre moments I have entertained the thought that I may be the reincarnation of Stalin. I suppose that would mean that despite his heinous crimes against humanity, he fared rather well in being recycled, soul-wise.

With the assistance of reference works, I can also report that 1953 saw the inauguration of the United States’ first Republican president in 24 years, although Eisenhower was more a war hero than a partisan politician. A scant two months before my birth, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were executed, having been convicted two years earlier of passing atomic secrets to the Soviets. Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction in 1953. And turning to sports, the Yankees beat the Brooklyn Dodgers in the World Series, four games to two, and the Detroit Lions edged out the Cleveland Browns, 17-16, for the NFL championship.

John Stafford Banks and Barbara Jeanne Johnson had been married nearly one year when August 25, 1953, rolled around. John was 23. Jeanne, as she prefers to be called, was 19. Upon my birth in the Anderson County Hospital in Anderson, South Carolina, I weighed in at seven pounds, four ounces, and measured nineteen inches in length.

My father was set to begin his second year at Erskine Seminary in Due West, South Carolina, where he was studying for the ministry. Having enrolled at age 16, my mother left Columbia Bible College after just two years to marry my father, who was two years ahead of her. In the conservative, religious atmosphere of the place, love blossomed. The two of them attended numerous church services in order to simply spend time together.

During the genealogical fever that struck me when I first found the family history that Christmas, I went exploring in the mound of scrapbooks and photo albums my parents had. Among the many snapshots I did not recall having seen were many taken during their college days. The photos showed two earnest, serious young people on the verge of heading out into the world, starting their own family, and beginning a new chapter in their lives. They were not entirely without humor, of course. They were, after all, college students, and in the early Fifties, college students were fairly homogeneous, whether they were at big liberal arts schools in crowded urban settings or tiny little conservative religious institutions nestled comfortably in a rural atmosphere.

My parents had plans to become missionaries. The Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church, of which my father was a member, had missions in Mexico and Pakistan at that time. I recall meeting many of the missionaries to those places during their visits back to the United States. Some of them had been classmates of my parents.

But somewhere along the line, my parents changed their plans. Or had them changed for them.

[crackmonkeytrash]

Random Opinions: - Stretch Marks are cute - Colourful hair is amazing ( @midnightturtlelemonade and @sangrites have amazing hair, you guys are hair goals) - Lemonade is a gift from the gods - All girls are super cute, holy shit - Dumbledore sucks - save the bees - sense8 and Game of Thrones are great shows, even with their flaws - Elizabeth Swann is character goals - freckles are like constellations on your face and are ridiculously attractive - overalls are always a good choice - flats are weird and always fall off my feet - acne is natural and doesn't detract from beauty in any way shape or form - scars are cool and the stories that accompany them are always interesting - people with big eyes are awesome ( @hollyjinx you have great eyes) - passion and ethusiasm are attractive - vegetables and fruit are amazing - berries are the best - save the bees - milk leaves a weird film in your mouth and I don't like it - frozen yogourt > ice cream - hot sauce and honey is a good combo - so is hot sauce and lemon juice 🖒 - bears are really cute - the scarier the animal the better - snakes are perfect in every way - sharks are amazing - dragons are real, most likely extinct - the pangolin needs to be saved - hunting/fishing for sport is abhorred - the fishing industry is killing the oceans - I am a bitch oftentimes - patriotism makes very little sense - government is inherently corrupt - Drumpf is modern day Hitler - save the bees - war is awful and should never happen - Calvin and Hobbes is a wonderful series - Barbie movies are amazing and have good messages - cheap milk chocolate > expensive - capitalism is shit - shrimp is yucky - mythology is amazing - the Catholic Church has a long history of being bigoted and generally detestable - there is nothing wrong with religion, it's the individual and mindless following that is the problem - respect is of the highest importance - fanfiction > other books - save the bees - kids are loud and I am bad with loud noises, thus I am not a fan of kids - gasoline smells good - I am a mess - save the bees - my friends are the best - Alexis @midnightturtlelemonade is the most precious human bean I have ever met - if I could go back in time and kill one person, I would kill Christopher Colombus - Joseph Stalin was a piece of shit - I wish I had 2 middle names - toffifee chocolates are great but would be better without the hazelnut - coffee is kinda gross - save the bees

[hueman-blog]

Answering Personal Questions

I made a user I follow, @razzledazzlefoshazzle , answer all of these on his blog. I’m feeling guilty so I’m gonna do it too. I know none of you asked but HERE GOES MY PERSONAL INFO!!!

200: My crush’s name is: Averi 
199: I was born in: Place? Lancaster, PA, USA. Year? 1999 
198: I am really: Bored and unmotivated 
197: My cellphone company is: Apple 
196: My eye color is: Brown 
195: My shoe size is: 8-9 Women’s US 
194: My ring size is: Idk, something little 
193: My height is: 5'4" I’m little 
192: I am allergic to: Stupid people 
191: My 1st car was: Never had one 
190: My 1st job was: Cashier at California Tortilla (a fast food Mexican franchise around D.C.) 
189: Last book you read: Cradle and All 188: My bed is: My safest place, my true home, and also too empty 
187: My pet: Doesn’t do much 
186: My best friend: Is my girlfriend 
185: My favorite shampoo is: Shamu 
184: Xbox or ps3: Deck of cards 
183: Piggy banks are: Cute decoration, inefficient coin collector 
182: In my pockets: I’m in pajamas 
181: On my calendar: Work, as that’s the only thing in my life scheduled. Also a haircut within a few days 
180: Marriage is: Great for legal benefits, stupid for expensive ceremonies 
179: Spongebob can: Please end soon it turned idiotic long ago 
178: My mom: Is abusive (sorry to bring the mood down) 
177: The last three songs I bought were? Who buys songs anymore?? 
176: Last YouTube video watched: History of the World 
175: How many cousins do you have? On my dad’s side, 8. On my mom’s side, no idea 
174: Do you have any siblings? An older brother 
173: Are your parents divorced? Nope 
172: Are you taller than your mom? Probably not 
171: Do you play an instrument? Nope 
170: What did you do yesterday? Absolutely nothing just like every day

[ I Believe In ] 
169: Love at first sight: Nope 
168: Luck: Yes 
167: Fate: Nope 
166: Yourself: Not really 
165: Aliens: Yeah there’s gotta be some life out there 
164: Heaven: No 
163: Hell: No 
162: God: The Flying Spaghetti Monster? Hell yes. Be boiled for your sins 
161: Horoscopes: Nope and frankly if you do I find you uneducated 
160: Soul mates: No 
159: Ghosts: Nah 
158: Gay Marriage: Believing??? In love,??? And commitment??????? Between two people???????? Obviously! 
157: War: Never 
156: Orbs: I believe in Orbeez 
155: Magic: No it’s just science we can’t explain, or illusions we can’t see the entirety of

[ This or That ] 
154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 
153: Drunk or High: Music 
152: Phone or Online: Online on my phone 
151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 
150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 
149: Hot or cold: Hot 
148: Summer or winter: Summer 
147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate 
145: Night or Day: Night 
144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 
143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight 
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 
140: Mac or PC: Mac!! 
139: Flip flops or high heels: Flip Flops 
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and sweet are opposites now?? I guess sweet and poor 
137: Coke or Pepsi: Fruit Punch 
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 
135: Burried or cremated: Cremated 
134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 
133: Coach or Chanel: Money to spend on actual useful things 
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who??? 
131: Small town or Big city: Big City 
130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Both suck, but I’d choose Stiller 
128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure. My feet are too ticklish 
127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast USA 
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas, I don’t like being the center of attention 
125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 
124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 
123: Yankees or Red Sox: What is a sport? How do??

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 
122: War: What is it good for? Absolutely nothing 
121: George Bush: “Mr. President, what are your thoughts on Katrina?” “We’re gonna find her. And we’re gonna bring her to justice.“ 
120: Gay Marriage: Its a marriage between two people in love. Celebrate, but don’t go broke in one day 
119: The presidential election: Media and rich people control it basically, and I’d rather it be an actual democratic popular vote. Trump is a clown and should have never won 
118: Abortion: Its a woman’s right to choose. Personally I think the world is overpopulated anyway and more people should adopt rather than try to conceive 
117: MySpace: Never had one 
116: Reality TV: Scripted, not reality 
115: Parents: Good or bad, they influence your whole life because they were there at the start. Mine went bad and ruined me 
114: Back stabbers: Oh I love them- what?? They suck. No one should be betrayed like that 
113: Ebay: Never used it but it got the ball rolling for Amazon 
112: Facebook: I only use it to message/call my friends, and to see unlimited amounts of dogs 
111: Work: It’s a necessary evil 
110: My Neighbors: Quiet, the only one I met was a total bitch though 
109: Gas Prices: I don’t drive 
108: Designer Clothes: C'mon people there are way better uses for your money 
107: College: Shouldn’t be expected of teenagers 
106: Sports: Boring, overhyped, the players overpaid 
105: My family: Worthless, judgmental pricks 
104: The future: Uncertain

[ Last time I ] 
103: Hugged someone: Sunday (3 days ago), when my friend picked me up from work 
102: Last time you ate: Italian ice about 1.5 hours ago (8:15pm) 
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: A month ago 
100: Cried in front of someone: A month ago maybe?? 
99: Went to a movie theater: Many many months ago 
98: Took a vacation: A year ago 
97: Swam in a pool: Two years ago? 
96: Changed a diaper: Never 
95: Got my nails done: My 16th birthday I think (almost two years ago) 
94: Went to a wedding: Eight years ago? 
93: Broke a bone: Never 
92: Got a peircing: I was 14 and got my ears pierced (almost 4 years ago) 
91: Broke the law: Never 
90: Texted: A minute ago

[ MISC ] 
89: Who makes you laugh the most: My friend Brad. He’s so inappropriate but his jokes I cannot stop laughing at 
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Not paying bills other than Internet 
87: The last movie I saw: Coraline 
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving to California 
85: The thing im not looking forward to: Paying for rent in California 
84: People call me: To friends: Lys. To family: Alyssa. To my girlfriend: Lyssy. To everyone else: annoying 
83: The most difficult thing to do is: Get up out of bed every day 
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Nope I do not drive 
81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer 
80: The first person i talked to today was: My friend Jessica 
79: First time you had a crush: Preschool, this boy in my class Marshall 
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Myself 
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Yesterday, idk? 
76: Right now I am talking to: My phone in the way of typing 
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Survive hopefully. I also wanna be a flight attendant 
74: I have/will get a job: Have a job as assistant manager of an arcade 
73: Tomorrow: I’m going food shopping and seeing my annoying cousin Barbara (she has two boyfriends and they both treat her like shit. It’s not poly it’s just cheating) 
72: Today: I actually made a meal that was nice 
71: Next Summer: I’ll be living in California 
70: Next Weekend: I have to face my parents for the first time since February. I hate it 
69: I have these pets: A ball of moss named Mo 
68: The worst sound in the world: My girlfriend crying 
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: My father 
66: People that make you happy: My girlfriend Averi 
65: Last time I cried: A few weeks ago?? 
64: My friends are: Averi, Raven, Jessica 
63: My computer is: My phone 
62: My School: Is nonexistent 
61: My Car: Is also nonexistent 
60: I lose all respect for people who: Hate on others for no reason 
59: The movie I cried at was: Toy Story 3 
58: Your hair color is: Black 
57: TV shows you watch: None 
56: Favorite web site: Tumblr usually 
55: Your dream vacation: California 
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Once I got constipated a few months ago for 48 hours. I screamed 
53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium 
52: My room is: Either super messy or super clean. Right now messy 
51: My favorite celebrity is: Jacksepticeye 
50: Where would you like to be: In my girlfriend’s arms on a beach 
49: Do you want children: Right now I don’t think I ever would but if I ever did I’d adopt 
48: Ever been in love: Yes I am now 
47: Who’s your best friend: My girl 
46: More guy friends or girl friends: Girl friends 
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Sleeping 
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: AVERI 
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Stalin did 
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Nope 
41: Have you pre-named your children: I did with my ex. Never again 
40: Last person I got mad at: My grandmother 
39: I would like to move to: California 
38: I wish I was a professional: Sleeper [ My Favorites ] 
37: Candy: Swedish Fish or Nerds 
36: Vehicle: Volkswagen Beetle 
35: President: Biden 
34: State visited: California 
33: Cellphone provider: Cricket 
32: Athlete: Me, running from my responsibilities 
31: Actor: Eddie Redmayne 
30: Actress: Anna Kendrick 
29: Singer: Laura Jane Grace 
28: Band: Against Me! 
27: Clothing store: Thrift shops 
26: Grocery store: Safeway 
25: TV show: Adventure Time 
24: Movie: Wall-E 
23: Website: Pornhu- I mean Tumblr 
22: Animal: Red Panda 
21: Theme park: Disney World 
20: Holiday: Christmas 
19: Sport to watch: Extreme Chess Mega X 
18: Sport to play: How Late Can I Get Up Before Concerning My Family 
17: Magazine: :enizagaM 
16: Book: The Underneath 
15: Day of the week: Saturday 
14: Beach: Any beach 
13: Concert attended: Fall Out Boy x Paramore 
12: Thing to cook: Pasta with alfredo sauce 
11: Food: Bacon egg & cheese on a bagel 
10: Restaurant: TGI Fridays 
9: Radio station: Night Vale Community Radio 
8: Yankee candle scent: Ass 
7: Perfume: Averi’s 
6: Flower: Averi 
5: Color: Orange - the color of Averi’s voice 
4: Talk show host: John Oliver 
3: Comedian: Bo Burnham 
2: Dog breed: Corgi 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Hell yeah I wouldn’t lie to you

[wishingfornever]

1/31/2018 – No Contact:  Petty Bourgeois Emotion

If there is a God then he would truly be a tyrant.

Sorry… Starting off a bit strong.  The point is, I realized why I haven’t been able to tend to my journal as of late.  I got a TON of hours lately.  So much so that I can’t really handle the journal.  I get home late at night, consider writing in my journal, but I forget. Then I have to fall asleep.  I hear my cousin in the other room…  I don’t want to wake her.  So, nothing gets done.

A lot of work means little time for play.  My days off consist of me doing nothing for an hour and then realizing that hour lasted the entire day.  D’oh.

Work went well today… was thinking of some of the things I wanted to tell you but haven’t due to… well, the workload.  It’ll lighten up in a bit.  I work today (current time being 12:45 in the morning, which means I would have been the 30th of January instead of 31st had I hustled, but whatever).  I worked yesterday, of course, and it went… well.  The day before, not so much.  The 29th…  Really bad.  I don’t think Diana likes me.

I’ve been punished for my lust.  :/

I thought my manager I have been closing with did too.  No, she’s just usually annoyed.  She speaks so softly and I can’t hear that well because everything was loud with my dad.  I really realized I’m not fond of my dad, lately.  :/

Regardless, work went well today.  It’s a tuesday, so better than monday. January is the Monday of Months, of course.

My manager was late for her bus on the 29th.  Yesterday (or today, whatevs) we got out at a regular time.  It’s great.  I hope she caught her bus but idk.  I had a lot of time to think, mind you. Think of… what?  My life?

I’m feeling more centered. Found… several songs.  One is an animation…  Beautiful, I think. Just… it appeals to me.  I have it on repeat, basically.  It’s… given me a bit of hope.  I listen to the lyrics and… well, I relate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRpiBvwKX6c

The song is called “The Villain I Appear to be” which is apt.  Listen to it… maybe you’d disagree.  After reading what you’ve read. Knowing what you know.  Maybe you’ll know better.  Maybe I’m not familiar with the villain I really am.  Hard to tell.

There are several other songs.  Expanded my favorites.  It’s… helped. Music is a salve for the soul.  These songs, I’ve stumbled upon in one way or another… they’ve been a light when I’ve been totally isolated in solemn darkness.

There is this song… makes me think of Esther.  I think I’ll keep it to myself.  It’s a good song, but I’ve already shared one in this post.  Won’t share another.

Man… Was thinking about Dennis earlier today.  Months ago, I was coming up with a plan.  I was going to call Esther a whore or something?  I wouldn’t have meant it but if Dennis exploded at Shane, he’d DEFINITELY exploded at me.  So, I would have picked a fight.  Would have been easy.

Again, months ago.  I was more angry then.  After he blocked me when I thought we could reconcile.  Bullshit.  That’s still bullshit.

Whatever. Point is, after doing some weight training… I’m not sure I could take him.  Not confident in my strength anymore.  This is why I think God is a tyrant.  This was the one thing I had faith in and now… it’s gone.  I had nightmares where I’d just decay and my muscles would weaken.  Maybe that was my body trying to tell me that my horrors became the facts.

I’m not pleased.

Needless to say, I’m not trying to get in a fist fight with Dennis.  Not anymore, at least.  I need more exercise first, and even then… I don’t think I have the heart for it.  Then again, the ORIGINAL plan was to have him hit me but I know he wouldn’t do that.  We’d have to agree on the fight to make it legal.  It’s on private property, so it should be fine.

I thought about it long and hard.  Again, not the plan anymore.  I guess the plan is to keep bitching about them until I get tired of it.  Yay?

Been watching a lot of streamers lately. Probably a bad thing.  It’s been making me late.  I’ve considered streaming myself.  Gives me someone to talk to.  I am starting to feel the lack of friends.  I’ve selected this solitude for myself. How generous I’ve become.  D’oh…

Oh, my NationState.  MN Has been INACTIVE.  Yes, for reasons.  Mostly that I’m busy and the responsibilities stress me the FUCK out. Like, really.  Life sucks.  -,-

Among my musical discoveries, I also discovered the most attractive woman I’ve ever seen.  A PornStar.  At least, she was the most initially attractive woman.  Her name I Mia Magma, born several years before me.  A German woman and it took me forever to discover this.  I saw her doing a very passionate blowjob and I couldn’t even fap.  She just had the face of an angel.

Later, I discovered her teeth were somewhat peculiar and she doesn’t have much of an ass, unfortunately.  Ah, well.

Still, she’s a beautiful woman.  I made a PornHub account just to say she’s beautiful.  Used my public screen name as my private screen name was… taken.  I avoid numbers.  Bad luck.  So, I said fuck it. I don’t have anything to hide from anyone.  Why should I care?  Oh, what if someone finds me?  Finds where I live and kills me?  Bah!  I don’t care.  Doubt they would.

That said, I realized I might not have mentioned this.  I was watching A LOT of porn and I was concerned that I miiiiiight have had viruses. Could have explained the blue screening too.  So, I found an antivirus.  Got a years subscription.  Would get too but I’ve been talking to one of my cousins about getting a new one.  Seems since the bitcoin bubble, prices for computers went up.  I think I mentioned this, actually…

Regardless, I’d have to get a new antivirus if I get a new computer and I think this one would at least last the year.  I found USB drives at work. Cheap and should be big enough for this file.  I’ll move the important files over to it and work directly from there.  Hopefully, if my computer dies before I’m through, I’ll be prepared and I won’t have to salvage everything or start over.

I woke up this morning screaming.  No, didn’t dream about Esther. Leg cramped.  Right calf.  I could feel the muscle in a place it wasn’t supposed to be.  Not a good sign.  Thought today was going to be bad.  It may have been… a little bit.  Again, for the most part it was good.  Tiresome though…

I’ve been trying to get back into gaming but… eh.  It’s sort of why I wanted to start streaming.  So I could have a REASON to get back into gaming.  It’s not a good way, but it’s something.  In fact, I should probably embrace not gaming.  It might help.  Idk.

You know, I don’t ever get to share what I want to share.  I know I’ll forget something but…  Eh.  I’m going to watch a French-Iranian movie called “Persepolis.”  I just downloaded a picture quoting the movie so I figured I’d enjoy the source material.  After, might play a game of… something and go to bed.  Idk.  Tomorrow, I don’t work.  :D

Persepolis… was a really good movie.  Though, I think it hinted that she (Marjane Satrapi) was raped at one point?  Two men and she was sleeping in an alleyway.  I hope she wasn’t.  :/

I liked how in the movie, she wasn’t afraid to portray herself as the villain.  She acknowledged what she was doing was wrong.  As a child wanting to gouge out the eyes of another child and other instances into adulthood.  Heavy stuff.  Of course, some cases… she did what she had to.  Still, she regretted what she had done afterwards but she acknowledged that they were wrong.  She didn’t hide her own injustices.

As a Communist, that’s good.  In a debate, Stalin and Mao are inevitably brought up.  Can’t deny they happened, can only educate as to WHY it happened.  If the fools you’re debating refuse to learn then they aren’t looking for a debate but a confrontation. You won’t sway minds because they’re not offering their minds to be swayed.  They have nothing on their mind beyond, “You’re the enemy” despite not knowing why.

There is a lot of history.  Concerning imperialism over Iran, the war with Iraq, the religious dictatorship.  Marx said religion was the opiate of the masses.  I wonder if Satrapi is a practicing Muslim.  Wouldn’t be surprised… she thought she’d be a prophet when she got older. Have sections where she spoke to god directly.  Then there was Karl Marx, which was interesting.  Apparently, after doing a bit of research, she compared Marx to God?  Yeah, that sounds like something ripe with controversy.

Still, as I said, I wasn’t expecting much communism in the movie.  I mean, the picture I downloaded… it says “Love is a petty bourgeois emotion” with Marjane looking at a dog.  I thought the movie was going to be about something else, I didn’t realize the heavy political undertone.  I like how everyone but Marjane and her mother have American accents.  They both have Iranian accents.  Of course, the religious guard have actually… kind of soft and gentle American accents.  If it wasn’t for the fact that they were the bad guys, they’d be… adorable.

They all look the same and when they’re not harassing people, they seem quite earnest.  Weird to say.  Like, they confront Marjane because she’s running and that makes her butt jiggle.  She explodes at them (love a strong woman) and they’re confused and almost sad.  Again, these guys are all interchangeable with one another.  Not sure if that’s intentional or not.

I hope… my books sell well enough to the point that I can contact Marjane.  Ask her questions, trade ideas…  She is the Frida of my generation.  An incredible and deep artist with Communist tendencies? Yes, please.  And I think her and her family are terribly clever.  I respect that.

I feel like I’ve been getting more dumb lately.  Spelling errors, punctuation errors, etc.  I’m slipping.

I also want to talk to her now.  I need… guidance.  Someone who can understand me.  She had depression and I certainly do.  We have different backgrounds but I get her.  Of course, she parties a bit more than I do.  She’s not a social outcast, now that I think about it… but she is a wide eyed dreamer.  Typical communist, I know.  ;)

I’m not like Marjane.  Maybe she won’t understand me, now that I think about it.  But we are likeminded… perhaps a better word but eh. Could just be wishful thinking.

Eh… I found a page on facebook… as well as facebook profiles.  There are tons.  Think adding her is too personal.  I liked the public page.  I want to send her a message but… what would I say?

Hi, I’m a young 20 something with NOTHING happening in my life and I feel like a chronic failure.  Our only similarities is that we’re both communists and struggle or used to struggle with depression! Please respond!

I… don’t like messaging famous people. I feel like I’m just… trying to get attention.  I don’t like being noticed by the streamer while watching twitch for similar reasons.  I feel a lot of guilt for something totally irrelevant.

So… I ended up venting in a stream.  Mentioned that I want to message Marjane.  Someone told me that if I were to ask for guidance ask if she has time to chat.  I just discovered her.  That’s… rushing things, I guess?  I don’t know.  Maybe I should research her more? I don’t know.  I don’t know anything.  :/

Ugh… I’m caught at a bad time.  Very bad time.  But that’s life, eh? I’m going to go to bed.  Maybe… maybe I’ll message Marjane tomorrow.  Talk to her… share my story…  Or something, I don’t know.  All that I know is that I know nothing.

Time is 11:50.

I was offered a job at work today.  Discount Tire.  Overtime is 20 per hour.  Not sure what it means for regular pay but it’ll be better than Dollar General.  I’m excited.

I’ve been feeling very… inspired, I guess.  Not necessarily inspired positively or negatively just more susceptible to emotions.  When I found out I’ve been noticed, I was just agape with joy.  I was hoping earlier that it’d happen to me because I was thinking the universe was turning against me.  That maybe I wouldn’t get the chance to see Ariel.  My frivolous spending spree has set me back by a lot… I won’t get a card until next week.  I’ll call the number and get set up.

I’m excited.  More money means Ariel comes sooner… but I also said I wanted to leave.  I’d leave later because this would be a more serious job.  Maybe I could get it when I come back?  If I come back? I don’t know.  I’ll see how I feel.

[the-truth-just-sounds-bette-blog]

September 19, 2017 I have decided to create an original + uncensored space with the intention to a) gather and sort through some of my own thoughts b) share what I feel to be worthy information with others and c) openly explore a wide variety of relevant topics that I've been vigorously studying for quite some time. Over the years curiosity, concern, and genuine personal interest have led me to research a broad array of information which I strongly feel is not only generally ignored by the masses, but often times ridiculed or exhausted before even given a fair moment of attention or consideration. Truth is not always kind and it is rarely comfortable or safe. Raw truth can often times feel very scary to take in despite ones best attempt at keeping an open mind and strong heart. That said, if you sincerely claim to be any sort of thoughtful human of substance and honor.. then you must know and breathe the following fact: IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS. In some ways, it has almost become uncool or faux paux for a person to speak ones mind or effectively express their personal, honest and unfiltered thoughts in the present day. In other ways; people of all creeds, sex, ethnicity and age merely mechanically parrot others without attempting or being bothered to do their own research and evaluation - they skip right over the very critical part of personal analyzation which is absolutely key to (in turn) responsibly forming any original opinion at all. Many may mimic or mirror the opinions of their parents or other family members, maybe they restate narratives their friends tend to support or perhaps they simply regurgitate a few key words that a news anchor read off from yesterdays cue cards on channel whatever. Don't get me wrong, I have an immeasurable + absolute sincere respect for many individuals in the truth movement and for all those wanting to learn what is real. I don't believe there is anything more commendable than an individual who is willing to openly advocate for ALL human (and animal) rights by directly speaking out against the evil doers on this earth who repeatedly commit injustices like it's nothing. Accountability depends on knowledge. Acknowledging unpleasant issues and evils out loud (not only to ourselves, but also to others) is a crucial part of exposing the harsh realities left in their wake. There is no doubt in my mind that people all over the world are absolutely waking, but so many more are still fast asleep. Snapchat this, Facebook that, tunnel vision and daily routine take precedent and so on. Let me take a moment now to say this.. I myself value entertainment very much and I believe with all my soul that the importance of enjoying this life here on Earth in all ways humanly possible is *imperative* to keeping your spirit happy and afloat. I do not live to work, rather work to live. I collect new experiences with great fondness and I have had just as much fun at a $20 dinner as a $200 dinner. I am a concert addict and the music that deeply moves my soul truly has the unique ability to bring me alive in childlike ways. I listen to 90's trance for hours and hours at home. Bones Thugs will never ever not make me dance immediately. I never get sick of it. I regularly spend quality time with souls dear to me. I love to swim. I love all seasons and all food. The ocean makes me smile from miles away. A hint of salty air and a single ray of sunshine makes me indescribably giddy. I love to watch films of all kinds and I'm a total YouTube junkie, just like the lot of us. I often binge read books and articles during my free time to the point that sometimes, I actually have to set a manual two hour alarm to avoid blowing the whole day away and getting sucked into the author of the weeks world. I have to physically and mentally set limits over my own Self on particular days so I don't get too carried away.. so that I am still able to adequately focus on my present as well. I work full time and pay my own bills. I eat 10-12 snacks a day. I stop to pet every dog I see on the street no matter where I'm heading or what time it is. I consistently make time for traveling because creating new experiences, immersing myself in other cultures and living a wild life of adventure is half of my whole heart. In this life, I am a free spirit by design.. that said I value my family, my relationship with God and the love in my life immensely. As an adult I have acquired countless hobbies, interests and responsibilities as most of us do over time. I also regularly make time to study, research and learn more about the world I live in because I consciously choose to do so. I am so naturally drawn to caring. I couldn't even help it if I tried because this deep desire for trueness is in my very blood for better or worst and it runs all though my innermost core. I unquestionably yearn to not only grow as a free thinking person, but also to willfully expand my mind more and more with each passing day until my very last little breath. I thirst to question that which deserves debate. Occasionally, I seek answers to questions that are difficult or cannot truly be answered clearly, this can be equally rewarding and frustrating depending on the matter at hand. Here's a touch of background about me so that you can have a simple idea of where I came from as we move forward. I am originally born in Bulgaria (South East Europe) and fled from communism and the hell it left behind once lifed when I was a child. I always kept up my first language and to this day I am proudly fluent in Bulgarian. If I do have children of my own, they too will undoubtedly be raised bilingual. My family (parents and I) were temporary relocated to Germany after applying to countries outside of home via legal channels with proper papers/passports.. in crucial moments there were even in depth handwritten letters brought forth stating why 'they' should accept us into their land. That was what it is when it was. Nothing was guaranteed and everything was a gamble. When we did eventually find out that we were leaving, my parents were not allowed to tell anyone of our plans or whereabouts, not even family. We were permitted to take a total of two suitcases for three whole people. One was filled with clothes, the other packed with books. Maybe that's a part of why there is a deeply instinctual thirst for knowledge in my very blood. And maybe it isn't. I later attended kindergarten in W. Europe, I spoke + sang fluent German and after a couple of years of living in a Bavarian hotel we received more word from afar which prompted us to proceed along our path. Ultimately, we were given the option to move to St. Louis, Missouri or Thunder Bay, Ontario. My sweet parents were so brave and hopeful for better days ahead. This awesome courage is something that I can never ever repay them for, even if I tried. Despite all that they had been through back home - and despite all that they had battled and conquered always fighting tooth and nail, real masters of the poker face - the Land of the Free would surely hold a more promising future for us all. So off we went. We were each sworn in legally before a judge, took on US citizenship and then immediately dropped off with our two suitcases in tow straight into a small one bedroom apt in the middle of a grim city containing just a single mattress on the floor and a perfectly empty fridge. We didn't have an air conditioner and no one warned us we would need one. My father immediately hit the ground running and got a full time job to support us, an air conditioner was bought and a few years later my brother was born. The rest is history. As far as formal schooling goes, I went to an elementary school in North City and then later a second in South City - after that I attended a public county school until my senior year and I did not receive any formal education after I graduated high school. I have touched almost every state and spent a great deal of time in Europe, Asia and Africa. And I have a thousand more places I want to go. What I quickly learned in the years to come was that even though my high school was widely considered to be an extremely solid and reputable one, I wasn't ever really taught much about the rest of the world during my time there. We studied slavery, the Bill of Rights, the American Civil War and the Holocaust every single year. The same criteria in just slightly different forms from 6th grade thru 12th. I took math classes and I also learned how to cut open a frog and a worm during science. I learned how to play kickball and volleyball and struggled to knock out a few pull ups in gym. As a 'subject,' World History was extremely general and brief, and that particular 'subject' was only optional to graduate. You could easily have chosen the 'US Government' option if you so preferred it. Required reading was restricted to a minimal and predetermined list which was given to the teachers as a manual at the start of each semester. We took mandatory geography tests covering all the states, but were never taught too much about the rest of the worlds corners. All my friends assumed Bulgaria was somewhere in South America because it kind of sounded like Bolivia. 18 year old kid adults from 'good families' and 'nice homes' actually thought that Paris, London and Amsterdam were names of countries. They didn't know where or how to quickly find non cities like France, England or Holland on a globe unless given more than a little time to squint and wonder, spinning the neon colored globe globe round and round. No one ever taught us about Mao. No teacher mentioned Stalin. Not a singular note was taken regarding atrocious genocides all over the huge continent of Africa. My GPA on paper was very high but I felt somehow limited in my learnings later on as I began to jet around and experience new lands, cultures and countries on my own. So as I grew older and literally began to see more and more of the world as 'we' know it, I also began to question my own smarts. I began to touch different continents physically and trotted on to experience some places I had never even heard of before. I discovered cities and towns I couldn't pronounce and most times, I found myself consistent feeling invigorated by the massive breath(s) of fresh air. But occasionally, I felt unignorable deeply stunted inside.. almost child like, like something had been omitted along the way. Something big. I decided to teach myself everything that I possibly could including what was omitted earlier in my primary education. I feverishly studied world history, religion and cultures of all kinds, maps and atlases galore, languages and dialects. I studied people near and far. I studied myself. I also passionately studied the unpredictable realms of the rapidly changing world all around me in the form of journals. I wrote down so much. I filled stacks of notebooks with my learnings and flipped tons of pages along the way.. and then more pages and more pages. I read til my eyes burned. I dove into foreign press, I wrote to my senators, I watched the local news. I got lost on the Internet. I let it all sink in as much as I could take it. I did all of this because I wanted to. We are now living in a time where the brave ones who do speak out against the norm are often immediately labeled as subversive, crazy or overly "intense." These outspoken individuals are often times written off by society + regularly ridiculed for their thoughts and expressions.. as a result their messages are quickly discarded into a never ending trash bin manned by the mindless and secured by the masters.. ironically enough their voices simply just get thrown away probably ending up somewhere right alongside free will and basic rights. That said - I have always, *ALWAYS* whole heartedly believed in being a voice and not an echo, so here we are. Everything you see and read here is meant to be digested just the way it is presented, my writing and imagery of choice is always forward and direct - no more, no less. I'm not ever going to hold your hand or explain myself as if I am addressing a fragile sheltered little babe. I'm just going to share with you what I can, while I can. A few months ago I created an Instagram account (separate from my personal) where I approached topics which I felt were extremely important to our world today. I just wanted to share my findings with normal people, or most simply with anyone at all who felt like having a look. That account ranged from revisiting history to accessing current day events.. neither modern day politics as we know it nor honesty were ever excluded or sugar coated in the slightest. Soon enough people were engaging in back and forth intelligent conversation, giving regular feedback/input, asking questions and sending me kind messages of gratitude. This was so much more than I could have ever expected from just another social media outlet.. yet one day when I hopped onto IG to log in, very much to my surprise - I found that my username was no longer valid and my account had been wiped clean. This happened overnight. No warning, no reason.. here today + gone tomorrow, literally. No Instagram rules were remotely violated along the way, but down it went. Point in case: censorship is real. If you haven't realized that humanity is being systematically dumbed down by now, then it is highly likely that you too, have been systematically dumbed down somewhere along the way. I used to have a 'popular' blog online years ago where I shared personal writing photos of my life, travels, interests, etc.. that site seemed to mash together almost all my passions under the sun (music, film, art, fashion, recipes, etc etc) but I never really got 'political' there by choice - I wanted to keep that separate. I knew that I had to be very careful with my viewpoints if I ever wanted to be a writer or accepted by publisher(s) later on. Well that blog had a few million visits and a ton of followers when I decided to delete it (by choice) one day. People from all over the world wrote to me and I met dozens of them in countries all over which was super rad. Despite all that hype, for some reason it had just ran its course for me and I can say with certainly that I was definitely more bummed when this recent Instagram with just a couple hundred 'followers' was abruptly taken away bc I didn't make that choice myself. While I'm very well aware that your followers are not always your fans.. it has just become increasingly more important to me to focus on what matters to me most, everyday and in every way. Of course I still love movies and exploring exhibits at museums near and far. I still study fashion magazines from cover to cover and attend shows just like I always have. But I have a deeper desire to share with others, that which is purposefully being withheld because I wholeheartedly believe it affects us all in the end. Moving forward, I will be posting pieces I have written on topics including but not limited to; HAARP: what is it and why should you know more about it, why traditionalism and nationalism are not equal to racism/hate and the reason I will probably never vote for president in the USA again, even though I literally moved to America for freedom of democracy. The irony is so real. I am going to look inside the unignorable and ever growing parallels between the Roman Empire and the United States because they simply fascinate me. I'll review their differences too, but you will soon see for yourself that the similarities greatly outweigh the latter. I'm going to discuss impeding race wars, media manipulation, distraction tactics, corrupt politians, illegal wars, unjust occupations, false prophets, and the many toxic poisons that are destroying us not only as individuals but also as a whole. Along the way, I will share my own fears and doubts with an audience of 1 or 100 because the simple truth is: I clearly don't have all the answers, not even close. You'll read about systematic indoctrination and it's direct ties to the endless bloody wars based on lies that our very tax dollars pay for year after tired year. You'll read about why the system was born broken. I'm going to tell you all about how I discovered that most things we have been taught to believe are just part of a big story. I'm going to describe the game as I know it, call out the big players and acknowledge the pawns. I may have to remind you that the narrative is not in your favor. It never was and by the looks of things, it may never be. It doesn't mean doom and gloom. It means that self educating and awareness has never ever been more important. Until then, please remember this much.. A nation of sheep is bound to be governed by wolves. You should never confuse education with intelligence. And last but definitely never least, thinking for yourself out loud is the absolute best thing you can do in this life. ❤✌🏼

[lettertocara]

3/31/17

Are you crazy? I am.

The Devil's Notebook - Introduction

Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates! LOL

I stumbled over an old youtube page want some videos of me? Cara. I have to edit it, it's really bad and makes me look really stupid. Believe me. Give me a couple hours, I'm super stoned. I love you. :) I love life. I love my life. :) LA in two weeks. Cara, can you come to the library in Spokane? Because I want a blow job. -.- My Twitter is nicer than yours. Just kidding. :D But I want a blow job. I think it might be seven inches. That's not bad. :D My friend said if I give you really good sex you won't want to have sex with anyone else. All this time I thought I had to use words. :D I think you'll marry me. I'm interesting. I'm kinda hott. You know what would make me more hott? Marrying you. :) I got way too drunk last night, I blacked out twice. Every time I think it's never gonna happen again. You'd think I'd learned from one of the last 10 times I blacked out. I have some pretty good friends. I didn't die. Are you gonna kill me? :D Okay. :D Suck my dick first.

Oh. Sorry. Please. I need it really bad. REALLY BAD. HELP ME. Speaking of which. Who's a bad girl, Cara? :D God, I'm fucking funny. You're gonna get it. You've been really bad. You're gonna get all 7 inches of it. I sent Karlie a picture of my dick on tumblr, yes I did. I guess it's as close to sex as I can get. :( I need help. Help me. Maybe a blow job will help. Yeah, I think so. Cara, you probably know how to suck dick. Do you mind helping me out? That would be so amazing. That would be the best thing ever. Can we get married today? I jacked off twice this morning. After blacking out the most important thing was jacking off twice. I'm impressed. I could probably cum on you and put it right back inside you. I don't think I could stay hard after cumming twice. I'd have to wait half an hour. Then I'd be ready. :D You're so beautiful. I ran into my friend Nick the other night and met his friend Chuck. Chuck said a bunch of Jews bought Picasso's paintings for hella cheap because they sucked and they told everyone it was good. Lmao. That's so fucking funny. Jews. LOL. Jews are white. Did you know the holocaust was a hoax? The Russians made up the gas chambers. They were rapists. They were ordered to rape and kill women. The Germans suffered the most. Germany was right. War is not right but Hitler was the good guy. Churchill and Roosevelt and Eisenhower are the most evil men in history. Stalin is the most evil man in history. I can't believe Germany apologized for the war. Humanity is doomed. We have to build a bunker. They're going to bomb us. Cara, you need to post something or I'm gonna go insane.

Cara.

This is my friend Felix. He doesn't know I exist.

https://youtu.be/rBOSHj5ogMo

omg

youtu.be/qNkxVBYhyME

Cara

Suck my dick. <3

I wanna make out.

You're in New York. :)

You're beautiful. Make love to me.

I need alcohol. Or weed.

youtu.be/qmNWjAeyvwU

I got some weed. I wanna cover that song in a band.

Empty With You - The Used

I play guitar and sing.

Baby.

And I like BMTH a lot.

I have some good friends. I'm safe in Spokane. I've been knocked out but I'm pretty safe here. I had a head ache for two weeks. I had brain hemorrhaging. I'm missing a tooth from another incident. My nose hurts. My friends said if I yell at them again they'll kick my ass. I have a loud voice. Cara, you're the most beautiful girl in the world.

[maureenlycaon]

What I’ve been reading this evening

A lot of Timothy Snyder.

The Banality of Good -- Why individuals who rescued Jews during World War II found it so difficult to explain their motives.

“We have at most a year to defend American democracy, perhaps less“

He really explain that figure of one year. He does say that we have to act fast, that the massive demonstrations and airport actions were good but that much more needs to be done.

History’s True Warning -- How our misunderstanding of the Holocaust offers moral cover for the geopolitical disasters of our time.

The interesting thing is that most of the Holocaust did not happen in Germany proper. Instead, Germany went about destroying the institutions of the state in neighboring nations after invading them. In an environment of lawlessness, local citizens were encouraged to attack the Jews they had previously lived alongside, and even a formerly decent soldier became a vicious mass murderer.

I am reminded of the way spiders, some microbes and other predators hunt: instead of killing their prey with massive injury from teeth or claws, they inject a poison. The venom destroys their victim’s internal structure, turning its innards into a vile fluid that they then suck up or absorb. Germany absorbed nearby nations by destroying their internal structure.

This is not how most of us have learned the Holocaust went.

In places like Iraq, where we destroyed a nation’s internal structure and replaced it with nothing, there may not be a Holocaust, but the result has been collapse, mass refugee crises and the invasion of Daesh anyway.

It is worth noting that Steven Bannon has called himself a Leninist and expressed a desire to destroy America’s entire state. I wonder how many of you out there have really stopped and thought about what living in a country collapsed into lawlessness would be like? For certain, I don’t think most of Trump’s supporters have.

Snyder also points out that a lot of things people knew back in the mid-twentieth century have been forgotten. He brought up the subject of Stalin’s mass murders, and his audience didn’t even know about them. It’s not taught in schools any more, and it’s been forgotten in mass culture as well.

I’ve also been struck by how much knowledge I was taught in elementary school fifty years ago seems to be totally gone, wiped out of memory. I can remember learning that the Christian God and the Islamic Allah were the same god; today, students seem not to understand this. I can remember being taught that the American Indians were systematically wiped out; today, many students simply have a vague impression that they faded away as European settlers came, and that they are all extinct now. Let’s not even discuss evolution, shall we?

How much of this is simply accidentally forgotten as our educational system has deteriorated, and how much was deliberate, engineered by scheming people in power who know that an ignorant public is more easily manipulated? I don’t know.

Maybe, though, we could use this as a framing tactic while trying to give people back that knowledge. Right now, people are obsessed with the idea of long-forgotten “mystic”, “spiritual” knowledge from more glorious days being recovered, with their silly fantasies of alien-built pyramids, Atlantis and whatnot. If some of us try to spread this info, maybe we should frame it as forgotten knowledge from that allegedly better time now being brought to light. ;)