#god I love carson he’s so round :’)

[mrthology]

You and @ashilrak are so brilliant at writing the gods, they feel like they’re immortal beings who’ve lived for centuries, so I was wondering if you had any tips for writing characters like the gods? You’re both such amazing writers

Hi, and thank you so much!! I was introduced to the myths and history when I was likely far too young (I found a copy of the Iliad very early on haha), and that's influenced how I write, what I studied, and so much more.

I think my biggest tip is honestly just to write. I can see how much my writing's improved since first posting PJO this go-round with the fandom, and sincerely hope it will keep improving! Don't get m wrong, I still love my older stuff, but I very much can see that I've become a much stronger author. Writing is honestly a lot of practise, and figuring out what works for you! I'm definitely better at writing the gods (and anything) now than I used to be.

Reading can also help a ton. Find author/authors (be in fanfiction or published books) you like and note what you like about them. Are they more sparse with their prose? More purple? Do they go between/in the middle of the two? Do they describe every detail? Do they leave more to the imagination? Etc. etc. Seeing what you like and would like to emulate can definitely help, especially when it comes to characterisation.

Advice for writing the gods would be essentially the same as above: write, then write some more; read and keep reading. I love reading the Greek plays and their translations, as well as history in general, and will link a couple of my favourites below that have very much influenced me:

Mythos: The Greek Myths Retold, Stephen Fry - overall not my fav retellings, but I genuinely enjoy his writing, and he makes everything incredibly accessible, and it's a great starting point

Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides (trans. Anne Carson) - anything by her to be honest, she's incredible and I love her

The Odyssey, Homer (trans. Emily Wilson) - this one changed me as a person, specifically this translation haha

The Aeneid, Virgil (trans Shadi Bartsch) - women in translation, my beloveds

Medea, Euripides (trans. Gilbert Murray) - Medea is incredible

The Oresteia: Agamemnon, The Libation Bearers, The Eumenides, Aeschylus (editors Robert Fagles and W.b. Stanford)

Trojan Woman, Euripides (trans. Anne Carson, illustrator Rosanna Bruno) - sorry not sorry for reccing Carson again but this is so good

I could go on for an embarrassing long time, so feel free to ask for recs if you'd like, and so sorry if you've already read all these sksks, I got excited 🧡🧡🧡

Thank you again, both @ashilrak and I really appreciate this message!!

[acesofspadess]

Endless Love 4

a/n: the playoffs are hereeeeeee

Playoffs

This was your definition of hell week. It was Playoff week and you had cut off all extra contact with Niall. Gina and Riley saw how not having contact with Niall physically changed you. You weren't nearly as happy when you would all hang out at your condo, and your song choices were all about heartbreak. “B, just let him know you're okay, please. He's even asked us what happened. He thinks he did something wrong.” that made you want to throw up. You never wanted him to feel bad. He could break your heart over and over again and you'd smile just so he wouldn't feel bad. 

You immediately picked up your phone to facetime him and let him know you're fine. When he answered after a few rings you saw him in bed with the covers low on his chest. “Uh, I'm so thick. I didn't realise what time it was. I'm so sorry.” he saw you were going to hang up and panicked. “Bleu don't hang up. I wasn't asleep it's okay.” he saw your face which was sad and lacking its normal glow. “B, what's wrong? You stopped talking to me and now I'm looking at you and you've lost your glow. Did I do something? Whatever i did-”

“You didn't do anything, Ni i promise. It's just a tough week and I needed time to think. Gi and Riley had to break into my house tonight. It's not just you and I'm sorry I made you feel like you did something.”

He frowned and it made you feel even more guilty. “I know it's a tough week but don't shut your friends out. They love you and care for you. Now go to sleep, you look like you need it.”

You gasped sarcastically knowing it was true. “Are you calling me ugly Mr.Horan?” you heard Gina and Riley who had themselves comfortable in your bed laugh quietly. “I'll never say that. You're always beautiful.” you looked away and moved the camera off your face. “Don't do that.” he said kind of sternly. “Do what?”

“Hide from me.” you sat there and looked at each other through facetime for a moment with small sleepy smiles on your face.

“Goodnight Niall."

“Goodnight Bleu.”

you hung up and immediately heard it

"awwweee"

"shut up"

—-----------------

This would be your first solo rehearsal with Niall, and the first time you've talked since your facetime 3 days ago.

“Bleu.” Niall sang as you stood behind your mic stand with a small smile. “You've come so far from the shy girl who doesn't believe a compliment I give her.” you both chuckled softly. “How do you feel confidence wise?” he asked, looking into your eyes. “I feel good. Especially with this song. It's my shower song.” you giggled which turned to a full laugh at Nialls laughter. 

As you sang you missed the way Niall smiled at you with pure adoration. “Oh my god Bleu. It's absolutely exceptional. God almighty.” he ran his fingers across his lips, voice a bit shaky. “You 'right Niall?”  he looked at you in soft shock,“I nearly cried.” you pouted and looked down. “No, don't say that.” you chided to which he scoffed. “I was doing my best to hold it in.” you shook your head with a soft ‘no’ and he laughed at you in disbelief. 

“We're in round four,” he pointed out. “Yeah we're pretty far.” you responded softly. “If i was you I'd get such a huge confidence boost. You've got no reason to be nervous now.” 

You smiled at him and looked down at your hands. “B, you okay?” you nodded softly. “Sorry I just can't believe you got me this far.” you chuckled unbelievingly. “The person I met at the audition and the person I see now. You are so much more yourself and it's so nice to see. You brought yourself here being the beautiful person you are.” you nodded at him as he opened his arms out as a question to which you nodded and he stood up and met you in the middle arms wrapped around your neck softly.

—---

You were under one soft light on a pitch black stage when you took the mic into your hand before the music started. You heard Niall say, “that's my girl.” and you looked down to centre yourself. “Singing ‘Halo’ here's Bleu Wilson.” Carson introduced.

The familiar beats started to play and you closed your eyes.

Remember those walls I built?

Well, baby, they're tumbling down

And they didn't even put up a fight

They didn't even make a sound

You finally opened your eyes to see a subtle glow around you from the light effect

I found a way to let you in

But I never really had a doubt

Standin' in the light of your halo

I got my angel now

The crowd cheered for you

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

It's the risk that I'm takin'

I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm lookin' now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

The crowd started to clap in rhythm to you

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby, I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

Hit me like a ray of sun

Burning through my darkest night

You heard multiple cheers at the hard riff you nailed

You're the only one that I want

Think I'm addicted to your light

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'

The risk that I'm takin'

I'm never gonna shut you out

You hit a high note causing cheers to surface

Everywhere I'm lookin' now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby, I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

Oo, oo,

You vocalised perfectly and saw Niall stand up.

You're everything I need and more

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

You finished softly letting your voice fade out. You watched as Kelly and Blake stood up clapping and Blake went over to Niall. You held your head up to stop the tears from falling. “Alright, " Carson said next to you. “Blakes got something to say. Well get to you in a minute, cowboy.” Carson tools him as he lets out a wow. “Chance.” Carson pointed to.

“Insane. I didn't know you had so much control over your lower register. Very clear. Very distinct. Of course everything you did was amazing but, I don't know. I don't know, what am I supposed to say to that?” You laughed softly, “thank you Chance.”

“That was crazy!” Kelly confessed. “I mean the control he was talking about in your lower register- especially because you didn't stay up, that would have been the easier choice- you came back down to that low moody tone that is so cool and mysterious. You're rad. I love you.” You laughed again and thanked her as well.

“Blake.” Carson introduced.

“If you don't put her through,” he pointed at Niall who leaned towards Blake. “Not only will you be fired from this show, you arent my son anymore.'' Everyone laughed including you as you knew Blake was truly a mentor to Niall. “I mean oh my god that was my favourite thing i've heard in a long time.” you looked at him in disbelief with furrowed brows. “Thank you.”

“Bleu.” Niall spoke up, “That was by far your best performance. You know when you hear a unique voice on the radio and you know that that's that person. You've got that distinct tone to your voice that you don't hear often. I have goosebumps from the performances. And don't tell me no, because I do.” you looked up with laughter and when you looked back down at him you thanked him.  “Lets get another hand for Bleu Wilson.” Carson encouraged. You walked down and saw Niall get up from his seat to come give you a hug. “Absolutely smashed it.” he said with a small giggle. He kissed your head as you walked away.

“She might win the show.” Kelly told them when Niall sat back down. “Now we’re talking.” Blake added. “And she's only 20?” Kelly looked down the line of judges. “It's crazy.” NIall spoke for more reasons than one. He was falling for her and he was almost 10 years older than her. “I mean she's good.” Kelly added. “I know! That's why my brain is all over the place.”

—--------

It was time for Niall to pick the two people that would move on. You didn't have very high hopes of making it through. Gina and Riley were such good singers. “Michael, Gina, Bleu, Riley Tate, and Tasha, stand with me now here centre stage. Only two can represent Team Niall in our Top 8 in live shows. Before we get to your big decision, Coach, what would you like to say to your team?”

Hand in hand with Gina and Riley you look up at Niall. “I can't tell you fast my heart is beating right now.” he chuckled nervously, “um i just want to thank you all for everything and the fun we've had as a team. I really enjoyed it and I hope you did too. I'm so proud of you guys.” 

“Niall,” Carson spoke. “Who is the first artist moving on?”

“Oh god,” he looked down, pressing his hands into the platform in front of him. “I feel like I can get it so wrong, but I can't go wrong with any of you, that's why it's so hard. Um, the first artist advancing to the Lives is uh… Gina.” she backed away from you still hand in hand before you pulled her into a hug cheering for her. “Best friend slay.” you told her as she walked down the stairs with help from Niall and hugged him. “Alright Niall this is it. 4 of your artists remain, but unfortunately, there's only one spot left in our top 8. Who is the last artist moving on?”

“God,” Niall spoke, speaking down. “Just can't reiterate how hard this is enough. Um,” his voice cracked as he spoke and it made you sad. “I just have to go with gut, what I've seen through the weeks and seen today. Second artist advancing to life is… Bleu.” you covered your face in your hands as Riley pulled them from your face. “Don't even say you're sorry because you deserve this.” You hugged him tightly with a laugh before hugging Michael and Tasha and walking down the stairs to Niall’s open arms. He wrapped his arms around your waist tightly and you cried into his shoulder. He let you go with a light squeeze and you met Gina down at the bottom.

bleuwilson headed to lives.... probably because of the suit tho

User7 im so happy she made it actually

User9 still not over her and Niall’s relationship

harrystyles it was only the suit....😬

↳ bleuwilson looked better than you🤷🏾‍♀️

~~~~~~~~~~~ Niall taglist

@youcan-nolonger-run @ravenclawdirectioner

@luxiorchive @maeflowers653

[macksting]

While I kinda love that my warning label is what makes the rounds most, what brings me little tears of gladness is every time a new person sees and reblogs the thread about Peter S. Beagle being an S-class good guy about trans issues. I know how important The Last Unicorn is to a lot of trans folks and eggs, and I know we get a lot of bad news. I'm so glad he's just... exactly as wonderful as one would hope.

“Joe DiMaggio (who was, quite simply, God, when I was eleven years old) turns out to have been arrogant and stingy; Tarzan was a racist; Roy Rogers was a Republican, who stuffed Trigger after the horse’s death; while the less said about Batman’s emotional problems, the better. And we are not even discussing Christopher Columbus, Andrew Jackson, Kit Carson, or Woodrow Wilson. As one character bitterly announces in Brecht’s play Galileo, Unhappy is the land that has no heroes!’ To which Galileo replies quietly, ‘No — unhappy is the land that needs heroes.' And old Brecht was scoundrel enough himself to know." From the introduction to The Ballad Of Eleanor Roosevelt, by Peter S. Beagle.

[carsonnichols]

ever since new york

spring - five years into the future after eli's nyc show

Sylvia follows Carson through the streets of New York, grinning as she looks around.

Carson grins, swinging their hands, “Sylvie?”

She hums and looks up at him with a smile, “Yeah?”

He smiles, “you’re the love of my life.”

Sylvia grins brightly and leans her head against his arm, “You’re mine. Always have been.”

Carson smiles and kisses the top of her head, “that means everything to me.”

Sylvia squeezes his arm and grins, “You mean everything to me.”

He grins, “It’s so mutual, baby..”

Sylvia leans up on her toes and kisses him happily.

Carson grins and returns the kiss.

Sylvia pulls back and nudges her nose against his with a smile.

He smiles widely, “What’s something you really wanna do or see here before we go home?”

Sylvia hums softly and tilts her head to the side, “I think we have to do Empire State Building but also I wanna see the Brooklyn bridge.”

Carson grins. “okay, we’ll definitely do those things then.”

She nods with a grin, “What about you?”

He smiles, “I wanna see some sites in Central Park.” They round the corner and he grins as the park appears and he tugs her along.

Sylvia squeezes his hand and nods her head, “Right now even though it’s late?”

Carson nods and smiles, “Yeah. They have fairy lights set up in certain areas and it’s supposed to be really pretty.”

She raises her brows and grins, “Oh cute!”

He grins and swings their hands as they walk.

Sylvia laughs and laces her fingers with his.

He smiles widely at her and lifts their hands to kiss hers.

Sylvia grins and leans into his side.

Carson smiles widely and kisses each knuckle.

She laughs and shakes her head, “Carson..”

His brows raise and he laughs, “Yes, my love?”

Sylvia grins and shakes her head, “Nothing, I just love you.”

He grins widely. “I love you too.”

Sylvia squeezes his arm as she looks around while they walk, “It’s so different from home.”

Carson nods his head, “It is. It’s fun though.”

Sylvia nods in agreement and smiles, “I mean, it’s definitely the city that never sleeps. Tahoe is so quiet.”

He nods and smiles, “Tahoe is the opposite of here.”

She laughs as she shakes her head, “Total opposite. And I wouldn’t want to live here but it is fun to experience. I mean it’s even different from LA.”

Carson grins and nods, “definitely good for a get away but not for forever.”

Sylvia laughs with a nod, “You get me, Car.”

He smiles widely, “I do get you.”

Sylvia giggles and kisses his shoulder, “You’re my best friend.”

Carson grins widely, “And you’re mine.” They reach Bow Bridge where there are a ton of fairy lights strung up to illuminate the scenery and he brings her into it.

Sylvia widens her eyes and looks around, “Oh wow! This is beautiful!”

He smiles widely, “Almost as beautiful as you.”

She grins and squeezes his hand, “You’re so sweet.”

Carson smiles at her, “Sylvie, you are the best thing to ever happen to me, and I can’t imagine my life without you.”

Sylvia smiles brightly and tilts her head to the side, “You know I feel the same way.”

He smiles, “I do know. I know that you love me just as much as I love you and that it’s unconditional. And that’s why I brought you here. To ask you something..” He takes out the ring box and sinks down onto one knee in front of her as he opens it, “Will you marry me, Sylvie?”

Sylvia gasps in surprise as her hand flies up her mouth and her eyes well up, “Carson…” She nods her head quickly and grins, “Yes..yes! Of course, I’ll marry you.”

Carson grins widely and takes her left hand, sliding the ring onto her finger and he kisses it on her finger.

She grins widely as she lets happy tears drop onto her cheeks and she shakes her head, “I had no idea! Oh my god, come here.” Her hands move to his cheeks as she leans down to kiss him.

Carson returns the kiss with a grin, standing up so they both can.

Sylvia kisses him happily and slides her hands onto the back of his head.

His arms move around her and he picks her up, twirling her around as they kiss.

She squeals against his lips and pulls back to laugh, “Oh my god..you are officially my fiancé.”

Carson grins widely, “We’re getting married!”

Sylvia giggles and slides her fingers through his hair, “Does everyone else know?”

He laughs, “Your dad, Eli, Jade, and Teddy.”

She grins and leans her forehead against his.

Carson smiles and squeezes her tight.

Sylvia smiles and closes her eyes, “I love you, so much.”

He grins widely, “I love you so much.. fiancée…”

She laughs and looks up at him, “You’re gonna be my husband.”

Carson grins, “I cant wait to make you my wife.”

Sylvia giggles and kisses him happily.

He grins widely into the kiss.

She tilts her head into the kiss and hums happily.

Carson grins and rubs her back.

Sylvia pulls back and grins as she brings her hand down to look at the ring.

He smiles widely and laughs happily as he watches her before taking out his phone to take a picture.

She grins at the ring then up at him, “It’s beautiful..”

Carson grins and takes another photo of her, “just like you.”

Sylvia giggles and holds out the ring for the picture.

He laughs and takes a close up of the ring.

She grins and leans up to kiss him again, “Let’s find someone to take our picture.”

Carson grins, “Okay, baby.”

Sylvia stops a nice couple also walking and asks them to take their picture. She moves back next to Carson and puts her hand on his chest, showing off the ring.

He grins brightly for the first picture and then kisses her temple for the second.

Sylvia smiles widely for the pictures and looks up at him for the last shot before thanking the couple and taking the phone back.

Carson thanks the couple and he hugs her tight.

She hugs him back and giggles, “Is this why you wanted to come here tonight?”

He laughs and nods, “Yes it is.”

Sylvia grins up at him and shakes her head, “I am still so surprised.”

Carson grins, “I’m really glad I was able to surprise you.”

She pecks his lips and slides her hands over his back.

He smiles widely, “Lets go eat and celebrate.”

Sylvia nods with a laugh as she takes his hand.

Carson grins widely, “My fiancée!”

She blushes as she swings their hands with a laugh, “And my fiancé.”

He laughs happily as they walk.

Sylvia grins up at him and squeezes his hand.

Carson smiles widely, “We should find a venue and set a date, even if it’s years from now.”

She nods in agreement and smiles, “In Tahoe, right?”

He nods and smiles, “undoubtedly.”

Sylvia hums and squeezes his hand, “Winter time?”

Carson grins and nods. “Absolutely.”

She grins widely at him and nods, “Perfect.”

He smiles and kisses her head.

Sylvia leans into his arm and grins.

Carson grins, “Syl?”

She hums and looks up at him, “What?”

He smiles. “I’m so excited.”

Sylvia grins widely and raises her brows, “Have you thought about what you want for a wedding?”

He shakes his head and smiles, “Just the bride.”

She smiles up at him and squeezes his hand, “Well I know that. I wanted I was going to marry you since we were kids.”

Carson smiles, “I liked the way the fairy lights looked. Maybe we could incorporate those.”

Sylvia grins with a nod, “I love that idea.”

He grins widely, “and it’ll connect our proposal with our wedding.”

She hums happily and nods her head, “I’ll start a Pinterest board.”

Carson grins and nods, “perfect.” He stops outside a restaurant to read a menu, “how does this sound?”

Sylvia looks over the menu and nods her head, “Perfect. I’m hungry.”

He smiles and opens the door to the restaurant for her.

She thanks him and walks inside, nodding to the bar, “Let’s just sit there.”

Carson smiles, “Okay.” He goes to sit with her, “Champagne to toast?”

Sylvia nods with a laugh, “Oh yes!”

He smiles widely and when the bartender comes over Carson orders champagne and their truffle fries.

Sylvia slides her hand onto his leg and grins before looking at her hand with the ring.

Carson watches her with a cheesy grin on his face.

She grins at the ring before looking up at him, “It’s..perfect.”

He presses a big kiss to her cheek.

Sylvia giggles and squeezes his thigh.

Carson grins and pulls back, “it looks so beautiful on you.”

She grins at the ring and leans her chin on his shoulder.

He presses a kiss to her forehead, “I’m so happy you like it.”

Sylvia grins and nods her head, “It’s exactly what I imagined.”

Carson grins even bigger, “and the proposal was romantic enough?”

She smiles brightly and nods her head, “I would’ve loved it if it was in our living room while eating Chinese food.”

He smiles and kisses her lovingly.

Sylvia returns the kiss with a hum.

Carson grins against her lips.

She pulls back as the champagne arrives and she grins, “Cheers!”

He grins, “Cheers!” He taps his glass against hers.

Sylvia clinks her glass with his and laughs, “To getting married!”

Carson smiles widely, “to you saying yes!”

She giggles and takes a sip with a happy hum.

He grins and sips his as well.

Sylvia grins and sets hers down, “We’ll get to take a honeymoon, too.”

Carson grins, “where do you wanna go?”

She sips her drink and hums happily, “Somewhere warm.”

He smiles, “relaxing only or do we wanna eat good?”

Sylvia tilts her head to the side and laughs, “Both!”

Carson grins, “Italy? Greece?”

She grins and points at him, “Both?”

He laughs, “Okay.”

Sylvia giggles and nods her head, “Question though.”

Carson raises his brows and smiles, “Yessss?”

She smiles and squeezes his thigh, “Do you mind if I hyphenate my last name?”

Carson hums, “Can I hyphenate mine too?”

Sylvia nods with a grin, “Of course.”

He grins, “Then I don’t mind at all. Not that I would’ve anyways.”

She grins and kisses his cheek, “Thank you. I just know my dad would want Dr. Montez somewhere in my name.”

Carson smiles, “And I love and respect your dad.”

Sylvia grins and nudges her nose against his, “I know, he loves you.”

He grins and kisses her softly.

She returns the kiss with a grin.

Carson sighs happily and rubs her leg.

Sylvia leans into him and kisses him happily.

He smiles widely and slowly pulls back, “Who are you gonna text first?”

She grins and sips her champagne, “Probably my family.”

Carson grins widely and sips his champagne, “I cannot stop smiling.”

Sylvia giggles and leans her head against his shoulder, “Me neither.”

He sighs happily and kisses her head.

She hums as the food comes over and she lifts her head, “Oh yes.”

Carson grins widely, “good I was starving.”

Sylvia nods as she laughs and starts to dig in.

He smiles widely as he eats with her and he taps his foot against hers.

Sylvia laughs as she shakes her head, “I had no idea how hungry I was.”

Carson laughs, “Should we get more food?”

She shakes her head and laughs, “No this is perfect.”

He smiles at her lovingly, “Okay, baby.”

Sylvia nudges her elbow against his and smiles, “Unless you want more.”

Carson grins, “We’ll get dessert.”

She grins and nods her head as she leans closer to him, “How about room service dessert with the fancy hotel robes on?”

He grins widely, “Oh, deal.”

Sylvia laughs as she finishes her champagne.

Carson smiles, “Want another glass?”

She hums and looks at him with a shrug, “Do you want another?”

He smiles, “I’m okay if you are.”

Sylvia nods in agreement and smiles, “I’m buzzing enough without it.”

Carson grins and kisses her cheek a few times.

She giggles and eats few more fries.

He smiles, “favorite bar food?”

Sylvia grins and shrugs one shoulder, “Messy but I do love wings.”

Carson grins, “you’re so cute when you eat wings.”

She wrinkles her nose and giggles, “Such a mess but so delicious.”

He laughs and kisses her nose.

Sylvia laughs and nods to him, “What’s your favorite?”

Carson hums as he thinks, “Potato skins.”

She grins and nods her head, “Oh that reminds me nachos too..I love the messy foods I guess!”

He grins widely, “I love nachos too.”

Sylvia kisses his shoulder and giggles.

Carson grins, “I love being engaged to my best friend.”

She smiles wider and nudges her nose against his, “Best friend for ever.”

He smiles widely, “and ever and ever.”

Sylvia glances at the ring and grins, “Should we head back to the hotel?”

Carson smiles, “yeah.” He asks for the check from the bartender.

She grins and wraps her hand over his arm.

He grins widely and pays for them quickly.

Sylvia eats the last fry before hopping off the bar stool.

Carson gets up and takes her hand.

She laces her fingers through his and leads him outside.

He smiles, “It’s a pretty close walk from here.”

Sylvia nods as she leans into his side, “Lead the way.”

Carson smiles as he leads her to the hotel.

She moves her free hand to his arm as she walks with a grin.

He smiles widely, “This feels magical.”

Sylvia giggles with a nod, “Honestly the best night of my life.”

Carson grins and kisses her head.

She closes her eyes and leans into him.

He smiles widely as they walk the short distance to the hotel and he brings her inside.

Sylvia follows him up into the room and grins widely.

Carson grins, “go change, I’ll order room service.”

She laughs with a nod as goes into the bathroom.

He smiles and places an order for dessert from room service.

Sylvia undresses and puts on the robe and brings his out.

Carson grins, “thank you, baby.”

She nods as she hops onto their bed.

He gets undressed and then puts the robe on.

Sylvia watches him with a grin, “Future husband.”

Carson grins widely, “and now there’s a ring on your finger to prove it.”

She holds up her hand and wiggles her fingers with a smile.

He laughs happily and leans over to kiss her.

Sylvia returns the kiss and giggles, “What did you order?”

Carson grins, “flourless chocolate cake cause that’s our thing and creme brûlée.”

She nods and curls into his side, “Perfect.”

He smiles widely and holds her tight.

Sylvia slides her hand up to his cheek and kisses him gently.

Carson grins and leans into her touch as he returns the kiss.

She smiles against his lips and hums happily.

He smiles and rubs her side as they kiss.

Sylvia brushes her thumb over his jaw and grins.

Carson sighs happily and smiles into the kiss.

She pulls back slightly and grins, “I love you so much.”

He grins widely, “and I love you so much.”

Sylvia nudges her nose against his with a hum.

Carson laughs happily and squeezes her.

She giggles and hugs him close.

He smiles widely and buries his face in her neck.

Sylvia slides her hands over his back and kisses his hair.

Carson grins, “Dr. Montez-Nichols..”

She laughs and closes her eyes, “And you sure you wanna hyphenate too?”

He smiles. “Yeah, I wanna be Mr. Montez-Nichols. Especially since you won’t be a Mrs.”

Sylvia kisses his cheek with a smile, “I’ll always be your Mrs.”

Carson grins, “even if you’re a doctor first?”

She nods and grins at him, “I’m your girlfriend, fiancée, wife, best friend before I am a doctor.”

He smiles and kisses her softly.

Sylvia kisses him back happily.

Carson grins widely against her lips.

Sylvia pulls back as she hears the knock on the door.

He gets up to get the food and he tips the guy.

She sits up in bed and grins as she watches him.

Carson brings over the desserts and lays beside her in bed.

Sylvia giggles as she picks up a fork, holding a bite of chocolate cake to him.

He grins widely as he eats the bite.

She laughs and takes a bite for herself.

Carson grins, “As good as the one I fed you in the coffee shop.”

Sylvia laughs and shakes her head, “I love that you always make me take time for me and for us. Especially that day.”

He smiles widely, “I’m always gonna look after you.”

She grins and leans over to kiss him, “I know. Thank you, babe.”

Carson grins widely, “you’re welcome.”

Sylvia smiles and holds up another bite for him.

He grins and eats another bite.

She laughs and takes another bite for herself with a hum.

Carson smiles and opens the creme brûlée and holds a bite to her lips.

Sylvia grins and leans forward to take a bite.

He smiles, “how is it?”

She nods with a laugh, “Amazing.”

Carson grins widely and takes a bite for himself.

Sylvia raises her brows and hums, “Thoughts?”

He smiles widely, “It’s really good.”

She laughs and nods to the plate, “Which do you prefer?”

Carson hums, “the chocolate.”

Sylvia laughs and nods as she holds up another bite to him.

He grins as he eats the bite.

She grins and hums softly, “So chocolate wedding cake?”

Carson laughs. “Is that what you want?”

Sylvia shrugs one shoulder and hums, “I wanna try everything.”

He laughs, “good. Cause I want a cake tasting too.”

She laughs and nods to the creme brûlée, “Can I have another bite?”

Carson grins and feeds her a bite.

Sylvia hums as she takes the bite with a smile.

He smiles widely, “Do you have a vision for our wedding already?”

She shrugs with a smile, “I want woodsy and wintery, that’s pretty much it.”

Carson grins, “and now with fairy lights.”

Sylvia nods with a grin, “It works perfectly!”

He smiles at her lovingly, “Our wedding..”

Sylvia leans over and pecks his lips, “I can’t wait.”

Carson hums and puckers his lips at her.

She grins and leans over to kiss him deeply.

He returns the deep kiss with a grin.

Sylvia grins and kisses him lovingly.

Carson sighs happily as he kisses her lovingly back.

She returns the kiss and pulls back slightly, “Let’s move the dessert so I can get closer.”

He smiles and moves the desserts to the beside table.

Sylvia grins and shifts closer to him before kissing him hard.

Carson whimpers and kisses her back just as hard.

She shifts into her back and pulls him with her as she kisses him deeply.

He kisses her just as deeply as he leans over her, untying her robe.

Sylvia grins against his lips and helps him slip off her robe.

Carson pushes her robe off the bed and then unties his own.

She grins and breaks the kiss to help him take off his robe, “My fiancé..”

He grins widely, “My fiancée..”

Sylvia slides her hands over his back and grins, “We get to have engaged sex.”

Carson nods his head and grins, “Yeah we do, baby..” his hand slides down her stomach.

She makes a soft sound and grins at him.

He moves his hand between her legs before joking, “Now that we’re engaged does that mean we’ll never have group sex again?”

Sylvia whimpers softly and raises her brows, “I don’t know. Is there rules about that?”

Carson laughs, “No, I’m joking with you.” He rubs her center slowly.

She laughs and rocks her hips into his touch with a moan, “But I like having you to myself.”

He grins at her, “I’m always yours, Sylvie..”

Sylvia smiles and leans her forehead against his, “But we did have group sex with a rockstar and that’s a pretty insane story.”

Carson laughs and rubs her harder, “Yeah it is.. he makes it hard to compete.”

She moans and shakes her head, “No because you’re the love of my life and make me come harder than anyone. It’s just sex with them.”

He grins and kisses her neck heatedly as his fingers move against her.

Sylvia leans her head to the side and grins.

Carson sucks on her skin and hums as he rubs her clit.

She whimpers his name and rocks into his touch.

He kisses up her neck as his fingers roll around her clit.

Sylvia moans his name as she lifts her hips to him.

Carson groans and he moves his fingers faster.

She slides her nails over his back and whimpers.

He moans and sucks on her neck again.

Sylvia moans loudly and leans her head back.

Carson groans and rubs her harder, “Fuck..”

She whimpers his name and rocks her hips into his touch.

He moans, “Tell me what you want, fiancée..”

Sylvia moans softly as she looks up at him, “Your mouth..”

Carson groans and heatedly kisses down her body.

She slides her fingers through his hair as she sighs happily.

He flicks his tongue against her nipples and then kisses down her stomach.

Sylvia gasps and arches her back.

Carson grins and moves between her legs, lifting her thighs onto his shoulders.

She gently tugs in his hair playfully and grins at him.

He smirks at her and licks up her center slowly from her entrance to her clit.

Sylvia gasps and runs her fingers through his hair.

Carson rolls his tongue around her clit.

She whines his name and grips the sheets with her free hand.

He groans and sucks on her clit.

Sylvia lifts her hips as she moans louder.

Carson moans and works his tongue against her.

She cries out and grips the sheets.

He grips her hips tight and sucks on her center.

Sylvia looks down at him and moans his name.

Carson moans and laps his tongue eagerly.

She cries out and tugs on his hair.

He groans and moves his tongue harder.

Sylvia moans his name and arches her back, “I’m gonna come..”

Carson moans against her and keeps moving his tongue.

She cries out and hits her climax, gripping his hair.

He groans loudly against her and squeezes her hips.

Sylvia slides her hand down from his hair and whimpers, “Carson..”

Carson pulls back and smirks at her.

She grins and moves her hand to stroke his cheek as she wiggles her ring finger.

He laughs happily and kisses up her body.

Sylvia laughs and slides her hands over his back.

Carson grins and kisses along her neck.

She tilts her head to the side and grins, “I love you..”

He smiles widely, “I love you too..”

Sylvia smirks and plays with his hair, “That was amazing.”

Carson grins, “I love going down on you.”

She grins and wraps her legs around him, “You’re incredible.”

He smiles widely, “Wanna know what’s about to be even more incredible.”

Sylvia raises her brows and hums softly.

Carson grins, “engaged sex.” He moves to tease her clit with his tip.

She grins before she lets out a soft moan.

He glides his length back and forth between her folds with a moan.

Sylvia slides her hands over his back as she whimpers his name.

Carson moans and sets his tip at her entrance.

She moans and leans her forehead against his, “Carson..”

He groans and slowly pushes into her.

Sylvia cries out softly and grips his shoulders.

Carson groans and starts to roll his hips into hers.

She tightens her legs around his and moans his name.

He moans and kisses her deeply.

Sylvia returns the kiss as she rocks her hips up.

Carson groans into the kiss and pushes into her harder.

Sylvia slides her hands onto his shoulder blades and pulls him closer as she moans into the kiss.

He moans and thrusts into her faster.

She breaks the kiss and cries out his name.

Carson groans and grips her thigh tight.

Sylvia leans her head back as she digs her nails into his shoulders.

He moans and sucks on her neck as he thrusts his hips harder.

She moans his name and rocks her hips to meet his.

Carson groans and moves faster.

Sylvia cries out as her stomach clenches.

He pulls back and groans loudly, his abdomen tightening as he keeps up his thrusts.

She clenches around him as she hits her climax and cries out his name loudly.

Carson groans her name as he hits his orgasm.

Sylvia digs her nails into his shoulder blades and moans.

He moans and presses his lips to hers.

She returns the kiss as she hums.

Carson smiles into the kiss and sighs happily.

Sylvia relaxes her body under him as she smiles against his lips.

He slowly pulls out of her and groans.

She whimpers softly and slides her hands over his back.

Carson smiles and lays next to her.

Sylvia turns to him and giggles, “Engaged sex is the best.”

He laughs and nods his head.

She grins and slips her leg between his.

Carson grins and holds her tight.

Sylvia leans her forehead against his and sighs happily.

He grins and looks into her eyes, “my beautiful fiancée.”

She grins as she looks down at the ring.

Carson smiles and kisses her head.

Sylvia shakes her head with a grin, “I can’t believe it.”

He laughs happily, “Believe it.”

She grins up at him and shakes her head.

Carson smiles and kisses her softly.

Sylvia returns the kiss with a hum.

He smiles and strokes her cheek.

She leans into his touch and sighs happily.

He smiles widely and deepens the kiss slightly.

Sylvia strokes his cheek and kisses him deeper.

Carson sighs contently and pulls her closer.

She breaks the kiss and grins at him.

He chuckles and smiles, “Hi..”

Sylvia grins and nudges her nose against his, “Hi, fiancé.”

Carson chuckles and pecks her lips a few times.

She returns each kiss with a grin.

He smiles widely and rubs her back.

Sylvia hums and nudges her nose against his, “Wanna finish the dessert?”

Carson grins, “sure, baby.”

She giggles and rolls over to grab the tray.

He chuckles and sits up.

Sylvia leans back against the pillows and grins as she takes a bite of the chocolate.

Carson grins and opens his mouth for a bite.

She lifts a bite to his lips with a grin.

His eyes widen and he laughs happily before kissing her.

Sylvia giggles before she kisses him happily.

Carson grins as they kiss.

She smiles against his lips and mumbles, “You taste so good..”

He groans, “Sylvie..”

Sylvia grins and raises her brows, “Yeesss?”

Carson smiles widely, “damn.”

She grins and takes another bite of their dessert.

He grins widely, “can I have some too please?”

Sylvia nods and holds up a bite of crème brûlée.

Carson laughs and eats the bite.

She giggles and kisses his jaw gently.

He smiles widely and rubs her thigh.

Sylvia holds up a bite of the chocolate with a grin.

Carson laughs and eats the bite of dessert.

She hums and takes another bite herself.

He smiles and squeezes her thigh.

Sylvia grins and leans into him, “Want the last bite?”

Carson shakes his head and grins, “you have it, baby.”

She nods and finishes the dessert, putting the plate back on the side table.

He pulls her to him and kisses her deeply.

Sylvia returns the deep kiss with a moan.

Carson makes a small noise at her moan and he kisses her heatedly.

She shifts to straddle his lap and kisses him harder.

He groans and slides his hands all along her body.

Sylvia whimpers against his lips and grinds her hips down to his.

Carson moans and glides his nails down along her back.

She shivers at his touch and tilts her head into the kiss.

He massages her tongue with his as he grips her bottom.

Sylvia moans against his lips and rocks her hips down.

Carson groans and slaps his hand against one of her cheeks.

She gasps against his lips and tugs on his lower lip.

He lets out another groan and spanks the other cheek.

Sylvia pulls back from the kiss and moans softly, “Car..”

Carson smirks. “Yes?”

She rolls her hips down and grins, “I like when you spank me.”

He moans and nips at her jaw. “I like when you grind against me.”

Sylvia makes a soft sound and rocks her hips against his.

Carson groans louder and spanks her a little harder.

She gasps before she moans and leans forward, “What’s something you want to try?”

His brows raise, “like position wise?”

Sylvia shrugs her shoulders, “In any way. We’re going to be together forever, we should do everything.”

Carson grins, “can I get back to you about that? I’m a little distracted by your pussy on my cock.”

She laughs as she moves her hand to stroke his length.

He groans and moves his hand to rub her center.

Sylvia lifts her hips to his touch as she moans and pumps her hand up and down slowly.

Carson moves his fingers faster and moans her name.

She moans louder and leans her head back.

He kisses along her neck and rubs her harder.

Sylvia squeezes his length and cries out his name.

Carson groans and sucks on her neck.

She moves her hips to angle his tip at her entrance, “I need you..”

He whimpers, “Ride me, baby..”

Sylvia drops her hips slightly as she whines his name.

Carson groans loudly and rubs her hips.

She rolls her hips in a circle as she whimpers.

He moans loudly and slaps her ass.

Sylvia gasps and rocks her hips down with the slap, “Car!”

Carson groans loudly, “Yes, baby..”

She cries out and rocks her hips down farther.

He moans loudly, “Fuck..”

Sylvia drags her nails over his chest as she drops her hips all the way down, “Oh my god..”

Carson groans and thrusts up into her to meet her hips, “that’s it, baby..”

She cries out as she leans her head back.

He moans and then spanks her harder.

Sylvia grinds her hips down harder as she moans his name and drags her nails over his skin.

Carson groans loudly and grips her ass tight.

She shifts her hips up before dropping them roughly with a soft cry.

He lets out a cry with her and thrusts up into her hard.

Sylvia cries out as she feels her body tense up, “I’m so close…”

Carson moans loudly and he keeps moving his hips, “Fuck me too.”

She rocks her hips to meet his a few more times before she cries out and shakes as she hits her climax.

He groans and thrusts into her hard as he climaxes and releases.

Sylvia moans his name as she slumps down slightly, “Carson..”

Carson holds her tight against him and whimpers.

She lays against him as she tries to catch her breath.

He kisses her head a bunch of times as he pants.

Sylvia tilts her head to the side and smiles.

Carson rubs her back and sighs happily.

She kisses his neck and hums softly.

He grins, “Holy shit..”

Sylvia lifts her head and grins at him, “Yeah?”

Carson nods and grins at her, “Hell yeah.”

She giggles and nudges her nose against his.

He smiles widely and kisses her deeply.

Sylvia returns the deep kiss with a smile.

Carson grins and slides his hand along her back.

She kisses him passionately and slides her hand over his chest.

He hums and kisses her just as passionately.

Sylvia makes a soft sound as she pulls back and grins.

Carson grins at her, “Wow..”

She smiles and nudges her nose against his, “Wow you.”

He laughs and pecks her lips a few times.

Sylvia returns the kiss and laughs with him.

Carson grins and rubs her waist.

She shifts off his lap and makes a soft sound.

He whimpers and pulls her closer.

Sylvia curls into his side and wraps her leg around his.

Carson smiles as he holds her.

She presses her hand against his chest and smiles at the ring.

He laughs happily as he watches her, “I love that.”

Sylvia grins and looks up at him, “I keep forgetting about it then catch sight and it’s so beautiful.”

Carson grins at her, “I love you.”

She grins at him and moves that hand to his cheek, “I love you.”

He smiles and leans into her touch.

Sylvia pecks his lips with a grin.

Carson returns the quick kiss and sighs happily.

She hums and lays her head down next to him.

He smiles and looks into her eyes lovingly.

Sylvia grins and draws a heart on his shoulder with her index finger.

Carson smiles widely and kisses her nose.

She scrunches up her nose and laughs.

He grins and cuddles into her.

Sylvia slides her hand over his hair and sighs happily.

Carson smiles, “I already love being engaged.”

She strokes his cheek again and laughs, “I do too.”

He chuckles happily and leans into her touch.

Sylvia drops her hand to his neck and grins, “What’s the plan tomorrow?”

Carson smiles, “Brooklyn bridge.”

She nods as she closes her eyes, “Can’t wait.”

He smiles, “And the other thing you said that I’m too tired to remember.”

Sylvia laughs sleepily and kisses his shoulder, “Empire State Building.”

Carson nods and laughs, “that’s the one.”

She grins and curls into his side.

He smiles and holds her tight.

Sylvia sighs happily and kisses his chest.

Carson shuts his eyes and rubs her back:

She starts to get tired and hums, “I’m gonna sleep so well.”

He laughs softly, “Me too.”

Sylvia yawns as she speaks sleepily, “I love you..”

Carson’s hold on her lightens as starts to doze, “I love you..”

She starts to fall asleep against him with a smile.

He hums and falls asleep with her.

[squidsquadlove]

Worst beards: Kraken Edition

First of all, I want to say that no matter how bad the beard may be, I will love it. Second, unless we miraculously go to the second round, we won't truly know what these guys look like fully bearded -- I have my doubts that some of them can grow a full beard in a week or two (I'm looking at you, Eeli).

But we have Movember to provide us a preview of this, and several Kraken grew handsome, or at least decent, mustaches in that time! Carson Soucy was the undisputed champion.

I have decided not to cheat and look up how some of these guys looked in their prior Cup beards, and in some cases they were so very young (Dunner) that it might not be applicable now. So here is my bracket!

I have immense faith in how awesome Matty's four-day-old beard will be. Given the way it's threatened to grow in on multiple occasions, I am pretty sure Matty has a 10 o'clock shadow and will look stunning. (His age is not a factor. Some guys are just blessed.) I also think Canner is gonna do just fine, and Soucy will look spectacular. I have some memories from last year of how Burky's beard looked, but I think Geeks is going to be the winner there anyway. (Sorry, Geeks!)

On the left, the only one I feel like I'm taking a chance on is Sprong vs. Gourde. I'm not sure either of them will acquit themselves well here. But I have faith in Schultz and Oleksiak (hold the blue line, boys!), and while I have strong moral disagreement with Donato sporting facial hair, I think it's likely to be better than Eeli. (Note: I also have strong moral disagreement with Eeli having facial hair, but the hockey gods are not kind in that regard. The mustache is a crime.)

Turbo vs. Yanni is another hard call. Turbo's grown some patchy beardishness in the past, and I did not approve. (Please note that I do not have a general dislike of beards! Bjorky, Gru, Jones, and especially Driedger have wonderful beards and I am fully in favor of those staying put.) But in the end, I believe Yanni will win out.

However, I don't think Yanni will overcome Eeli in terms of bad beards, and I am also pretty sure that Eeli cannot out-pizza the Hut. I think Geeks will be our bad beard champion.

Also, side note: Mike Benton thinks the Hakstol goatee is making a comeback for the playoffs, and I am HERE FOR IT. I know I am the rare person who thinks Hak has a bit of hotness himself, but the goatee is very much thumbs up in my book.

I would also like Ron Francis to grow a playoff beard, please and thank you. I know he's spent his time in the mines already and has the Cups to show for it, and that he doesn't need to, but look, Kyle Dubas does it. C'mon, Ron. You're on the list of Hot GMs. Bring it in. Help the team with your ~vibes~.

[fanofcarson]

Downton sketches

[soracities]

hi, can u share some of ur fave one liners from books? something that struck u most, something that has stayed with u even after a long time of first reading it. thank u :)

“A loveless world is a dead world.” (Albert Camus, The Plague)

"Once again they broke the Love Laws. That lay down who should be loved. And how. And how much." (Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things) 

“Love is not consolation. It is light.” (Simone Weil, Gravity & Grace)

“Mother, heart of my heart, truly each of us is guilty before everyone and for everyone, only people do not know it.” (Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov)

“But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human.” (Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughter House 5)

"His wedding gift, clasped round my throat. A choker of rubies, two inches wide, like an extraordinarily precious slit throat.” (Angela Carter, The Bloody Chamber)

"(we are not single, we are one)" (Virginia Woolf, The Waves)

“You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose.” (Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince)

“Herakles’ gaze on him was like a gold tongue. Magma rising.” (Anne Carson, Autobiography of Red)

“She needs me. She needs me more than I need untainted hands.” (Oyinkan Braithwaite, My Sister, the Serial Killer)

“His face, which carried the entire tale of his years, was of the brown tint of Dublin streets.” (James Joyce, Dubliners)

"What good is a writer if he can’t destroy literature?” (Julio Cortázar, Hopscotch)

“At the trial of God, we will ask: why did you allow all this? And the answer will be an echo: why did you allow all this?” (Ilya Kaminsky, Deaf Republic)

“It’s not that we have hope; we shelter it.” (John Berger, From A to X)

[raven-dancer]

Wanted to write some theories about Thomas in the new DA movie. Thought I’d give some ideas for people to think on if they want:

I don’t think Mr Actor Man is going to be a love interest for Thomas:

I think if they went down this route, Thomas’ story would be almost identical to the last movie. Now, I love Richard. I think he was such a good match for Thomas in a world where two men can’t love each other. But their story was fairly straight forward; they meet, they flirt, Richard save Thomas, they kiss and finally, Richard leaves. So I don’t see how they could pull off another romance with Thomas that isn’t the same. I know Downton is a bit rubbish at remembering it’s past characters (so I won’t be surprised if Richard doesn’t get a mention as much as I want it), but you can always rely on them to give each character a different story each time round. So I can’t see Thomas being romantically involved with Mr Actor.

Mr Actor will be a Gay Mentor to Thomas:

I love this theory. I think this could be a great story for Thomas. I believe it may go something along the lines of Thomas feeling conflicted about being with Richard, maybe he’s feeling funny about sending letters after what happened with the duke (god knows he’s been betrayed too many times). Or maybe the long distance and demanding jobs are hard for them to manage. And Mr Actor swoops in and gives Thomas some friendly advice about being gay in their world. I’m not sure how they would go about introducing the two characters, but let’s be honest, everyone has got a better gay-dar than Thomas. So I can possibly see a scenario where Thomas catches this Actors eye, and as a Hollywood actor he’s probably confident enough to approach anyone.

And I assume that all the cast and crew of the film will be staying in the house, so it won’t be unlikely that Thomas will cross paths with the them. It’s yet to be revealed where the actors and crew will be in the social standing of the house but I can imagine that they won’t be eating in the servants hall. So I’m not exactly sure how it gets to the point where Mr Actor is in Thomas’ pantry.

I also want to bring up what this story might actually mean for Thomas in the long run. I just want to mention (and I know there will be people that disagree with me) but I actually don’t want Thomas to leave Downton. One reason for this would be that, if they made another film he wouldn’t be in it and that wouldn’t do for me. However, in regards to his character, I think he’s worked so hard for his job and position, and deep down I do think Robert respects him (as shown in the first film where he commends Thomas’ behaviour after his outburst about being replaced). Season 6 also hinted so frequently that Downton is his home, probably for more than half his life. So as much as I adore Richard and his relationship with Thomas, I can’t see a story where they’ll make Thomas leave for him (and who knows what might end up being the next butler of DA without him lol).

Mr Actor isn’t so charming as everyone seems to think he is:

Now this one is a bit hard, and I’m not sure how likely it is but given Thomas’ past story lines…! I know a lot of people have picked up that Thomas looked uncomfortable in that small scene we got with him, and I don’t disagree. I actually read his expression as uncomfortable and uneasy more than anything else. So, as hard as this story would be, what if Thomas experiences sexual harassment from this actor.

Now I want to point out that I’m not opposed to this story and I do believe that it would be handled in the right way. I think they handled Anna’s rape amazingly in the show so I can imagine they’d know how to do it. However, obviously, it would be hard watching Thomas go through that after everything he’s been through but I think he could get himself out of that.

I like to think that because Thomas is butler of a massive estate house, he’s now got a lot of power (the same way Carson did). People could abuse that he’s got access to it all. And even more so if say, someone found out he’s a gay man…?

Now there are a few ways they could bring this into the film. One being, Mr Actor is just a sleazy film star who’s used to getting what he wants, and getting who he wants, and poor Thomas just falls into his line of sight. Like, let’s be real, Thomas is attractive and I’m sure he’s young for a butler of a house that size. So it would be no wonder if an actor saw him and thinks he’s not part of the house hold but he’s obviously not at the bottom of the chain. There could also be the possibility of some blackmail as well. Maybe a ‘You give me what I want or I’ll go to the police’. I don’t imagine Thomas is going to jump at the chance to get arrested (again). Or maybe Mr Actor wants something (money, expensive items from the house etc) and our man Thomas has been there going-on 20 years; he knows the ins and outs of that place like the back of his hand.

And again, this would be something completely new. We’ve seen Thomas with his fair share of men. From the duke, a relationship mostly based on young naivety. Or Jimmy where it was a one sided attraction on Thomas’ part ( please don’t attack me Thommy fan hehe). We’ve yet to see Thomas actually reject a man who shows him attention.

I’m not being funny, but I’d love to see that. I want to see Thomas get himself out of a tricky situation, by himself. One of my favourite Thomas Barrow moments is the season 5 Christmas special, where Thomas is there and he’s there for fucking everyone over for the good of the family he serves. I adore how he gets his own back on Lord Sinderby on being called ‘stupid fool’ in front of a entire dining party. I want to see that Thomas again. If we got a story where Thomas gets put in this absolutely awful situation where he’s uncomfortable and doesn’t know how to react, yet when he gets his head together, he gets himself out of it all.

Anyway, these are some ideas I’ve had about the film. Please let me know if anyone agrees with these, or if anyone had any different ones ^^

[valdomarx]

Inseparably Entwined

Stargate Atlantis, McKay/Sheppard, bound together, 2k, rated M

-

Elizabeth pinches the bridge of her nose. "What did you two do now?"

"We. Uhh. We found another Ancient device."

"And, instead of cataloguing it for a hazmat team to investigate, as per protocol, you decided to play with it?"

“To investigate it,” Rodney corrects. “Like the competent professionals we are.” John punches him in the arm.

Elizabeth's lips purse into a thin line. "And then you accidentally activated it?"

John winces. "And then we accidentally activated it."

"Of course you did. And its effects are…?"

"Non lethal," Rodney says, a bit too quickly. 

Elizabeth mumbles something that might be don't bet on it under her breath. "Non lethal, but…?"

John shifts his weight and stares at a point behind her head. "McKay and I have to stay within ten feet of each other at all times or we both pass out."

For a moment there is stunned silence. Then the sound of Elizabeth's bark of laughter fills the office and spills out into the gate room.

-

Carson waves a hand. “You’re both going to be fine. It looks like the bond is only temporary.”

Rodney fidgets. “How temporary?”

“I couldn’t say. A few days, maybe a few weeks?”

“Weeks?” John chokes out. “Listen, doc, we need you to fix this -”

Carson cuts him off. “I’m sorry, son, but I’ve got more important things on my plate right now.” He looks pointedly around the infirmary which is admittedly full of marines being treated for combat injuries, Athosians coming in for checkups, and troops of medical staff organizing vaccinations for off-world groups.

John deflates. “So we’re stuck with each other?”

Carson pats him on the shoulder. “Good luck.”

Rodney looks up at that. “Hey!”

-

“Absolutely not.” John recoils in horror. “We are not sleeping in your room.”

“But all my stuff is in there.”

“Your room is disgusting. If you think I’m sleeping on the floor among half-finished bags of cheetos and bits of drones, you are sorely mistaken. It’s a wonder you haven’t attracted the Lantean equivalent of rats.”

“I’ll have you know the bags of cheetos are almost entirely finished.”

“Rodney -”

“Alright! We’ll sleep in your oh-so-tidy quarters. Military spick and span, no snacks or useful bits of machinery in sight.” Rodney rounds on him, waving a finger in his face. “But if I get an inspired idea in the middle of the night and can’t find a circuit board to test it on, know that it’s your stubbornness that is robbing humanity of another of my great concepts.”

John hides a smile. “I’ll have to find a way to live with myself.”

-

When the doors to John’s quarters slide open, Rodney’s jaw drops.

“Hey! How come you have a bigger bed than me?”

John shoots him a smug look. “I upgraded after the last attack. Benefits of command.” It was one of the very few benefits of command he was willing to take advantage of.

“Oh, that’s how it is, hmm? We’re living in a military dictatorship here, with all the best perks and boons given to the highest ranking officers? Never mind that it’s the scientists who do all the actual work, who discover new technology and solve the problems, oh no, let’s give out the biggest and comfiest beds to the military guys, as if that’s fair -”

“McKay!” he interrupts. Rodney looks like he’s having fun, gearing up for a good rant, but John honestly can’t take it right now. “Go to sleep, I’m begging you.”

Rodney huffs, clearly saving that rant away for another time. “Fine.”

-

John is woken up for the third time that night by Rodney fidgeting on the floor and sighing dramatically. 

“What is it, McKay?” His voice is testy. He doesn’t love having his sleep interrupted.

“I can’t get comfortable. A sleeping bag on the floor is bad for my back.”

John stares at the ceiling and counts to ten. He looks at the ample space next to him and calculates his best odds of getting some sleep tonight. “Come here and share the bed with me then.”

Rodney eyes his mattress dubiously. “I’ll have you know I require a very firm mattress, for spinal support, not that I’d expect you to understand -”

“For god’s sake, get in the bed. It has to be better than the floor.”

A moment’s pause. “Yeah, alright.”

It’s been a long time since John slept next to someone. His rare hookups have mostly involved sneaking out in the middle of the night, and even when he was married they slept in separate beds most of the time. 

Sleeping next to Rodney is, surprisingly, not awful though. Sure, he steals all the covers and moves around all the time and, of course, he snores, but John finds that he strangely doesn’t mind. 

-

John has seen Rodney under fire, seen him at his best, seen him happy and sad and angry and bored. But he’s never seen him first thing in the morning before.

“Whazzat?” Rodney’s eyes barely open. His expression is one of overriding confusion. “Whzz going on?”

John stifles a smile at his resident genius. He’s been up for an hour already, showered, done his laundry, and cleaned his space. He’s also decided to play nice and share his secret.

“Here,” he says, and hands a mug of freshly brewed coffee to Rodney. “Just don’t tell anyone I snuck coffee and a kettle into my personal effects, or the scientists will raid us in the middle of the night.”

“Coffee!” Rodney is still radiating confusion, but he hones in on the cup of coffee like a laser. A blissful smile passes over his face. “You brought me coffee.”

“I did.”

“You’re wonderful.” Rodney takes the coffee and cradles it like something precious and rare.

-

After a day and a half doing paperwork in the lab because they can't go off-world, John has reached the end of his rope. 

"I'm going to the gym," he snaps. "You can either come with me or we'll both end up in the infirmary when I try to go there alone."

Rodney glares and is clearly about to start arguing when Zelenka elbows him. He sighs dramatically but agrees that they can take an hour away. 

While they're both in the gym and John needs a sparring partner, he figures he might as well teach Rodney some self defense. The idea of Rodney needing to defend himself makes something unpleasant twist in his gut, but he pushes that away and argues they should make the most of this time and do something productive. To his surprise, Rodney agrees, and they run through some basic drills and defensive maneuvers. 

Rodney is bad at this, frankly. He's all elbows and poor coordination, but he's trying. 

John is feeling magnanimous, and he knows the value of a bit of positive reinforcement. So when Rodney steps forward and attempts a clumsy hip throw, he leans in and lets himself be thrown. 

Rodney looks astonished that actually worked, before delightedly pouncing on John and pinning him to the floor.

"Got you," he says, face pink and grinning wickedly. 

John's heart picks up, somehow distracted by Rodney's heavy weight on him and the sharp brightness of his smile. He swallows thickly. 

"I guess you do."

-

“Geez, Sheppard, how long does it take to have a shower?” Rodney’s voice carries through the bathroom door. “I want to run some simulations on the city’s power systems with Zelenka.”

John’s cheeks flush and he tries to tune Rodney out. “Just give me a minute, will you?”

“What are you doing in there anyway, jerking off?”

John goes very, very still.

“Oh my god, you are!”

“Shut up, McKay.”

“No, no, don’t let me stop you. You go ahead and enjoy yourself.”

“I hate you.”

“I’m not judging. It’s perfectly natural. And hey, maybe it’ll help you chill the fuck out for once.”

John scowls, gives up, and shoves his dick back in his pants. “I will kill you in your sleep.”

-

John is used to having to drag McKay around after him on missions, so in some ways their new situation isn’t entirely unfamiliar. 

Tac vests are useful for that; full of hand holds he can grab when he needs McKay to get down under cover or to stop him from wandering off to look at some shiny piece of technology. When Rodney is in uniform, he can grab the collar of his shirt, though Rodney complains that it creases the fabric horribly.

So John finds a compromise. When he has stuff to do and Rodney is dawdling, he grabs his hand and steers him in the right direction. After a while it becomes second nature - whenever there’s danger or something important is happening, he takes Rodney’s hand and they set off to deal with it together.

If any of the marines find it funny to see their commander holding hands with the head of science during a crisis, none of them dares to mention it.

-

John is carefully, carefully tending to his hair. Just the right amount of product, to spike it just the right amount to look effortless. He tweaks and ruffles, tugs and shapes. This is an art form which requires judicious maintenance. 

“Oh, for the love of -” Rodney grabs the tub of hair wax out of his hands. “We’ll be here all day. Let me.”

He steps forward and slides his hands into John’s hair, ruffling it vigorously. His fingers are firm on John’s scalp and he tugs just on the right side of too hard.

Rodney steps back and surveys his work. “That’ll do.”

John glances in the mirror and sees a chaotic, wild mess. He looks like he’s run a marathon, with his pink cheeks and mussed hair, or like he’s rolled out of bed after a night of passion.

“Rodney! I can’t go out like this.”

“Oh, shut up. You look smoking hot, like you always do.”

That’s… What? What does that mean? Why the hell would Rodney say that?

“Come on,” Rodney is saying, already on his way out the door. John has to run after him, cheeks still flushed.

-

They find a rhythm.

John gets up first and puts the coffee on while he showers. He’s given up on trying to tidy Rodney’s side of the room, so he lets the piles of circuit boards and screwdrivers sprout up where they will. Once Rodney is up they get breakfast at the mess, then he spends the morning doing paperwork and writing reports in the science lab while Rodney works. They meet Teyla and Ronon for lunch, then he spends the afternoon drilling the marines while Rodney taps away at a laptop. Evenings, they bicker over which movies to watch in their quarters and throw popcorn at each other.

Elizabeth even agrees to let them travel to the mainland, and then to go on low-stakes reconnaissance missions. 

It’s… comfortable, he realizes. It works.

That thought makes something twist in his chest, and he doesn’t know why.

-

“Morning, sunshine.” John pours Rodney a cup of coffee.

“Mmm.” Rodney is still sleep-rumpled, but he struggles upright and smiles softly. “Morning.”

As he hands over the coffee, Rodney catches his wrist and holds him there. He looks down at the mug, then back up at John. John notices in an abstract way that his eyes are very, very blue.

“Thanks,” Rodney says, and pecks him on the lips.

Right. Okay. That’s a thing. That’s a thing they’re doing now.

John is still processing as Rodney gets up and heads for the shower. “I’ve got a meeting with Miko this morning,” he says over his shoulder, normal as ever, “so we might have to push our gym session back by half an hour -”

He keeps chattering away while John sits on the bed and has a minor crisis. Did they… do they… but that would mean…

By the time Rodney is out of the shower, John has made a decision. 

He doesn’t allow himself to overthink it, he just takes Rodney’s face in his hands and kisses him deeply. Rodney’s arms tighten around his waist and his tongue slips into his mouth and oh. Oh yes. That’s good.

John’s a little breathless, a little dizzy. “Are we really doing this?” he asks.

Rodney’s face scrunches up in amusement. “I think we’ve been doing this for weeks.”

Yeah. Okay. That’s a fair point.

The tense feeling that’s been winding around his chest uncoils, and in its place is nothing but blooming warmth.

“I guess we have.”

-

EPILOGUE

“Carson.” Elizabeth looks up from where she’s frowning at a tablet and gives him a polite nod. “Thanks for stopping by.”

“Any time,” Carson says, and means it. “What can I do for you?”

“I was hoping to get an update on the situation with John and Rodney. We really do need them to get back on full duty soon.”

“Ahh.” He’s been carefully avoiding that topic. He takes a breath. “To be honest with you, the bond between them wore off days ago. They could go their separate ways now and be none the worse for it.”

Elizabeth’s eyebrows fly upward toward her hairline. “And you haven’t told them yet?”

“See, at first they were in the infirmary every day asking for an update. But they haven’t been in for over a week and -”

“And?”

“They seem…” he pauses, contemplating his choice of words, “... happy.”

Elizabeth’s mouth twitches into a quickly suppressed smile. “That may be, but you have a professional responsibility.”

“Aye, you’re right. I’ll go and tell them the effects of the device have run their course.”

“Well…” Elizabeth looks thoughtful. “You have a professional responsibility to give them accurate medical information when they ask for it.”

Carson sees where she’s going with this. “And until then?”

Elizabeth shrugs and gives him a sly look. “They do seem happy.”

[wordynerdygurl]

The Guy

Author’s Note:  Hello my lovelies!  I have to say, I love writing requests and taking part in Challenges.  It helps me sharpen my skills!  But, with the insane way the world is right now, I offered to participate in one... then lost the details.  So, with my sincere appreciation for @lancsnerd​ ,who kindly sent me a reminder about my missing “assignment”, I present the following! Summary/ Prompt:  A quote of “He’s the guy” and my boy, Loki Pairing:  Female Reader x Loki Warnings:  Swearing, Implied Smut, Fluff, Soft Loki

“Are you gonna tell me what I want to know?  Or… do we have to do this the hard way?”  Gravel filled and low, the Winter Soldier had you pinned against the rough brick wall, his metal arm holding your wrists together.

“Ooph!  Bucky!  Get off!”  “Make me, princess!”  

Kicking your legs free, you swung around Bucky, locking him in a bear hug from behind.  Squeezing him with your thighs, your forearms wrapped around his strong neck, “Tap out, Buck!” Wheezing, staggering back, Bucky tried spinning you around but even his metal arm was unable to grab you, “Never!” Applying more pressure to his windpipe, you grunted, “Give me the win!” “No way”, you felt his hard hand grip your thigh, breaking your hold.  Suddenly you were untethered, above your feet was the ceiling of the gym, and then there was no breath in your lungs.  Bucky had managed to flip you over and slam you down onto the waiting mat with reverberating force.  Gasping loudly, you curved up to meet Bucky’s waiting hand, “You alright, doll?”

Shaking your head, sitting up, “That was a dirty trick, Barnes.  I had you and you know it.” “Yea… but you still haven’t answered my question, so I couldn’t let you win.”  Pulling you to your feet easily, Bucky threw his arms around you, his warm hug an easy way to make sure there would be no lasting damage from your sparring session. “Why do you want to know so bad?”  Lowering yourself to the workout bench, forearms resting on your knees, you kept a close watch on your sparring partner. Tossing you a towel, Bucky grabbed both of your water bottles, sitting down on the mat in front of you.  Wiping the sweat away from your forehead, slugging down the cool water, you kicked at the super soldier sitting criss cross applesauce.  Leaning back, resting his weight on his arms stretched behind him, “Because...  I worry about you.  I want to make sure you’re safe… and I want to believe this guy is good enough for you.” Considering his words, you snapped your bottle shut, nodding, “I get it, Bucky.  I really do.  I’m just… not ready to talk about it.” Sensing your hesitation, Bucky patted your knee, “Just know that I’m here when you are ready.  And if he fucks up, I’ll kill him.” Laughing, you stood up with a groan, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind!” At dinner that night, Steve knocked into your shoulder, “Hey kiddo.”

“Hey Stevie!  How are you?” “It’s spaghetti night, what more does a guy need?”  It was an easy exchange, making you chuckle as he loaded a plate high with pasta and sauce before settling himself into the chair next to you. Unfolding a napkin to lay over his trousers, “Bucky told me you’ve met someone?” Flicking your eyes to the Winter Soldier, who all of the sudden was very interested in something Tony was saying, you munched on your garlic bread.  Swallowing thickly and patting your mouth clean, you turned to Steve, “Oh, he did huh?” “Yes… but he says you won’t give up this guy’s name?”  Concern was present on your friend’s face.  While you appreciated Steve's sentiment, it wasn't necessary, not entirely.  You knew what you were doing and you didn't want to be talked out of it, even by your well intentioned friends.

"I don't know why everyone cares so much.  He's a guy… I'm a girl… it's traditional and boring."

Swirling a fork through his saucy plate, lifting those dutiful blue eyes to yours, "So why the secrecy?"

Chewing, thoughtful, you considered Steve's question.  It was valid.  You were quick to acknowledge that, answering, "Um… because we're still in that love bubble.  Ya know?"

Chiming in, Bucky curious now, "Love bubble?  I don't know what that is… what does that mean?  Love bubble?"

"It's that time in a new relationship when… um… it's like…" words failing, you desperately tried to give structure to your argument.

Interrupted by Loki, sulking at the end of the long table, "She doesn't want to share her paramore.  Greedily, she wants to keep the pair in a love bubble.  Separate and safe from any interference.  Unpopped, if you will."

"Is that true? You don't want us to bug you?"  Bucky's eyes widened at the thought.

Shrugging, you dug around for another meatball, "Kinda… Look, it's not that I don't love you, Buck.  Or that I don't trust you, Steve.  It's just… all of you can be a lot to deal with.  And-" looking at the faces of each of your Avenger friends, "-my… guy… I really, really like him.  I don't want to scare him away."

Admitting it out loud, that was taking a lot of your courage but you were being completely honest.  This guy, he was just about perfect and you didn't want to blow that by bringing him around your overprotective people so soon.  Natasha, the group's mama bear, smiled.  "Seems reasonable to me.  Give her some time, fellas… if he's half as great as she says, we'll like him well enough."

Steve, smiling a little in your direction, "I don't know who he is… but it seems like he makes you happy!"

Bucky, over protective, kept hounding you, "When will I get to meet him?"

"Soon, Buck.  I promise." 

"I wonder who it is… this man you care about so much that you're protecting him from us, your dearest friends!"  It was Loki, musing from afar that made the observation, his sharp eyes on you.

"I told you-" It was Tony’s turn to interrupt, loudly calling, “FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Mr. Stark?” “Start a pool.  Five dollar buy in, guesses on who this guy is… whoever has the winning answer gets the kitty!” “Tony!  Not cool!  And, not necessary!  You guys don’t really need to do this!”  But your protests went unheard as chatter erupted and a round of bills were flung on the table. Steve, murmuring to Bucky across the table, “What was that guy at the coffee shop?  Cameron?  Carson?” Snapping his fingers, Bucky answered, “Carlton!”

“He’s my guess, Tony.”  “Shit, Steve.  That’s not fair… but, ok.  Ok, my guess is Matt.  That guy from the pizza place who kept bringing extra chicken fingers for you!  You’d never admit to a date with him!”  Bucky, smug and pleased, sat back content with his detective work.

“Natasha?  Thoughts?”  Tony was typing away, his interface with FRIDAY recording all the back and forth, compiling the list of possible boyfriend candidates. Tapping her lip, Nat watched you, “Hmm… Is it Warren?  The kid from China Star who rode the Kawasaki and always wanted to take you for a ride?”

Clint leaned over you, grabbing a breadstick as he threw down a ten, “I want to put Charles, from the IT department on the list… and Juan, the recycling rep.  Both of those guys follow you around like puppies and I could see you taking pity on at least one of them!” “Nope.  No way!  She went out with Charles once already.  He was the guy who ate her french fries at dinner.  Big No-No!”  “Rhodes, how do you remember that shit?  Fine, not Charles then.  What about Frankie?  The dude from the diner?”  Clint asked the assembled team, looking for someone to back him up.

Mortified, hiding behind your hands, you grimaced.  The list, it kept growing, and you could feel icy eyes of judgement lighting you up from across the room.  You knew you’d have to answer questions later.

Jane, having joined Thor at the table, was getting caught up on your situation.  Conspiring with her Norse God of a boyfriend, she chuckled, slapping a bill on the table with the announcement, “Our money is on Loki.”

Silence overtook the room.  Everybody stared at the small, brunette scientist, evaluating if her suggestion was real or a joke.  A guffaw broke out of you and quickly gathered steam, propelling you directly into a hiccup filled giggle fit.  In a flash everyone joined in, the idea of you and Loki being together was at once so hilarious and unbelievable. It was also diverting enough that the talk of your love life died completely.  Grateful and satisfied, you finished dinner without any other questions, even offering to do the dishes.  While you were scraping remnants into the compost bucket, you felt the room’s temperature drop, noticing that Loki had slid into the room, "Love bubble is it?"

Dropping the plates into the sink, plunging your hands into the soapy water, his strong ones glide over your shoulders, "Yes.  I'm really enjoying our little bubble of love."

“Me too.”  Pressing a small kiss to the curve of your neck, Loki pulled your body close, hugging you tightly from behind.  As Loki was nearly a foot taller than you, it was nothing to tip your head up, his welcome mouth finding yours for a soft kiss.  Curving your back, your bottom rubbed against his pelvis, his desire already rising. “Although, they had a lot of suggestions, my innocent little kitten.  Should I be worried?” Shaking your head, “No.  None of those… meatballs compare with you, Loki.” “Good.  That makes me glad… and I’m pleased to know how coveted you are, my pet.”  Roving hands took the liberty of sliding under the hem of your shirt, fingertips just grazing over your bra covered breasts.

Sighing into Loki’s loving touch, “Not that you were much help!"

"What can I say?  I like seeing you squirm"  his lethal voice purred, warm against your ear.

Pirouetting in his arms, your damp hand brushing back a strand of dark curls, "Jane almost gave us away.” A small smile, almost sad, pulled down Loki’s lips, “Is the idea of you loving me so hilarious?”

“Not to me.”

His head dipped, lowering those pink lips to your own, almost colliding… when laughter, drawing near, broke your moment of connection. Effectively ending your private chat, Thor stomped confidently into the room unaware of the way Loki jumped back as if scalded, or the way your hands trembled at the possibility of discovery.  “Brother!  I need to speak with you!” Flicking his desire filled eyes to yours, Loki smirked, “Of course… to what do I owe the honor?” “I have asked Jane to be my bride!” “Brother!  It’s about time Jane made an honest man out of you!”  Loki, more than a little surprised but genuinely pleased for his sibling, hugged Thor close.  “YAY!  That’s so exciting!  Have you guys picked a date yet?”  Wiping your hands dry, leaning against the sink, you were happy to hear all of Thor's big news. Shaking his blonde head excitedly, “We shall be wed in three months time… and I was hoping that Loki would play for our special day?” 

Loki, blushing a deep rosy pink, “Thor… It’s been years.” 

“So?  What of that, God of Mischief?  You always find a way”, wagging a finger at his dark hued brother, Thor’s teasing grin was sweet. Piling on excuses, trying to gently defer his brother’s marital request, Loki added, “I don’t think I have a suitable instrument.”

That was enough for your mouth to hang open, “Wait… you want Loki to perform?  Like play music?  At your wedding?”  “Of course!  He’s the best chamber musician in Asgard.  Possibly the entire Nine Realms.”  Pride filled Thor’s words at Loki’s accomplishments, something you found impossibly charming, even if you couldn’t quite believe what he said was true.  

“Thor, really… I don't think-" Clapping a broad hand onto his younger brother's shoulder, Thor’s tone changed, “Music from home, Loki. It would mean so much, especially since… Mother and Father-”  

Loki held up a hand, stopping Thor from going further into emotional sincerity, unable to bear the rawness in his brother’s words.  Closing his eyes, agreeing, “Fine.  Ok, I’ll… I’ll do it!’  Loki could sense your watchful eyes on him, curious and questioning, as he gave into his older brother.    

With his easy smile spreading, Thor’s joy pushed the cloud of sadness away, “Our special day will be filled with music!  And flowers!  Jane has a whole… Pinterest board?  I don’t know what that is but she’s filled it with ideas-” spinning around to grab you off your feet, Thor continued, “And you’ll be invited too!  All of the team must come, not just my wayward brother!” Getting swept up in Thor’s passionate excitement, you laughed, offering up more congratulations and promises of attending.  As your toes touched the floor, Thor pulled Loki away, “Jane says you will take Darcy as a date for the ceremony.” Tilting his head, Loki shrugged shyly, speaking loud enough for you to hear, “Uh… actually, I already have a date.” Gripping Loki in a rib smashing hug, Thor squeezed his little brother tightly, “That is marvelous news!  Jane will be so pleased!  So, who’s the lucky girl?” Smiling, you watched them go, happy to see the pair so connected.  You didn’t need to hear Loki’s answer.  You knew who he’d be taking to Thor’s wedding.

That night, as you were toweling dry your cropped hair, a pop of green light signaled the arrival of your secret boyfriend.  He was positively electric, grabbing you by the terry robe covered hips, and kissing you swiftly.  Loki's hands rubbed over the soft fabric on your back until they cradled your smiling face, "Hmm… you smell so clean that it makes me think dirty thoughts."

Giggling, you rose up on your toes, curling your hands into his tangle of dark hair.  You bent his waiting mouth to your own, savoring the sensation of shared breath, as your tongue flicked over Loki's lips, “Dirtier than that?” Nodding, his heated look hungry, “Oh yes.” "How dirty are we talking?", you teased, resting your cheek against Loki's chest.  His rich laugh, rumbling through his core, joined your own.  Pressing his forehead to yours, Loki sighed sweetly, "I missed you…"

"I just saw you at dinner!"

"But it's been too long.  I… I need more."

Turning to hang up your towel, over your shoulder, "More what, my prince?"

"More of you."  Having gained on you while your back was turned, Loki was behind you now, wrapping his long arms around your waist.

Squealing, delighted, "LOKI!  Someone will hear!"

Dropping you quickly on the mattress, Loki shimmied up beside you, toying with the open collar on your robe, "So?"

"So… they'll find you here."

Thoughtfully, Loki’s proud look captured your own, "Maybe I don't care.  Not anymore… Maybe I don't want to keep you and me… us, a secret."

Swallowing hard, your gaze trapped by Loki's earnest expression, "Really?  You're ready to pop the love bubble?"

His fingertips brushed over the thin skin between your breasts, "Yes?  I… I think so.  Are you?"

Biting on your bottom lip, scrutinizing his handsome face, "Loki, I…"

Freezing, his hand stalled, and Loki sat back on his heels.  Looking out your window, shoulders slumping in resignation, "You don't want to tell anyone.  You are ashamed to be with me."

Swiftly sitting up, cupping his face with your hands, crooning, "No, no, no, no, no, no!"

Shrugging away from your touch, "You don't care for me, not like you claim to, if you won't declare your feelings for all to hear."

"Loki!  That's not it at all."  

Letting you tug him closer, Loki's tear filled eyes still refused to meet your own, "Loki… I… I love you.  And… I just don't want to share you.  Not yet, anyway.  That is-" putting your arms around his neck until you were nose to nose with the red-rimmed eyes of an emotional Odinson, "-my only reason for keeping our romance quiet."

Whispering, Loki was too shocked to shake you off, "You… love me?"  His voice wavered, as if the idea of being loved by you had never been a real possibility, as if something impossible was occurring right here and now.

On your knees, sighing, you started pressing tiny kisses along those sharp as knives cheekbones, "Yes.  I am crazy in love with you, Loki Odinson."

Loki had held you tightly before; in the night when terrific dreams haunted his sleep, in the night when he claimed your body for his own.  But this embrace, after telling the dark Prince the truth in your heart, had no equal.  

Still taller than you, even though you were both kneeling, Loki's right arm wove around your waist forcing your hips flush with his own.  His left supported your back, his hand cradling the nape of your neck, helping him kiss you soundly.  It was conquering.  

You were his.  Body and soul.  What's more?  He was yours.

Coming up for air, panting from the work of loving you, "My dove, my dearest one… I love you too."

Shucking your robe was easy and Loki savored the lavender soap scented skin he exposed.  If a spot of you wasn’t kissed, it was licked. If not licked, nipped.  If not nipped, it was caressed.  And Loki was very thorough. When you mewled, weak from forced pleasure, “Loki… please.  Make love to me.” he was eager to comply. “Look at me, darling girl.”  Puffing out your pleasure filled breath, skin dewy with perspiration, you met Loki’s eyes with your own.  Resting his hand over your heart, he lifted your own, letting you feel the pattern of his pulse.  “It beats for you and for you alone.” In the afterglow, laying in Loki’s arms, you stifled another giggle.  Groggy from exertion, Loki opened one eye, “What’s so funny?” “You never told me you play a musical instrument.” “You never asked.”

“Are you any good?”

“You’ll find out when you accompany me to Thor’s wedding.” --- With his heavy cello, Loki took a seat on the edge of the dance floor, taking just a moment to get settled.  A beautifully strange combination of concentration and relaxation mingled over the features you loved so dearly.  Fiddling with strings, taking a moment to tune the instrument, you admired his long, talented fingers as they took their place on the frets. The din of conversation was silenced when the first low note of Loki’s song echoed through the ballroom.  Everyone paused, entranced at the melody weaving its way through the throng of well wishers.  Many were surprised, but not you, not entirely. You knew how long Loki had been preparing for this moment.  It wasn’t all about making Thor’s day special, although, that was surely part of it.  No, he planned to seduce every single person with sound.  Giving all of the attendees a taste of what being loved by Loki was like, he hoped The Avengers would see that he was worthy of you in all ways. Mesmerized, the bow danced over the strings, each note perfectly played.  It wasn’t hard to picture those shapely digits dancing over your skin in the dark of night.  Sending a shiver up your back, you sipped at your champagne, unwilling to take your eyes off of Loki. “I didn’t know he was so talented.”  Bucky, stiff in his tuxedo, sidled up to you with Steve in tow. “Me either.  Look at those fingers fly!” “Guys… hush.”  Shooting a silencing glare their way, you let the music transport you, swaying just a bit at the soothing sound. Too soon, in your opinion, the last lingering note of Loki’s song filled the hall.  Rising swiftly, Loki bowed at the applause, then turned to the happy couple.  Thor hugged his brother close, while Loki kissed Jane’s hand with a gentlemanly air.  Conversations started again, quiet at first, then gaining strength as Loki strode across the room.  Snagging a glass of champagne from a passing tray, his eyes trained on you, Loki accepted accolades as he moved ever closer.  Another server took his empty glass as Loki finally made his way to you.

Scooping you up, Loki spun you slowly in a circle, your gown snapping behind you in an emerald wave of chiffon and lace.  “Loki!  Come on, put me down!” “As my lady commands”, when your mouth passed close enough to his own, Loki kissed you as if you had never kissed before.  You pushed your hands through his dark locks, a hand on each side of his face, “You were amazing, babe.  Just amazing!”

“You really think so?” “Absolutely!”  His arm settled on your waist, keeping you tight to his side, as you were handed another glass of bubbly.

Bucky, leaning against Steve, wore a look of wide eyed shock, “Um.  Loki… what the fuck are you doing?"

"Agent Barnes, do I really need to explain?"

Mouth dropping open, Bucky gaped, "He’s the guy?  Really?  You’re telling me Loki is the guy?” “She’s not telling us, Buck… she’s showing us.”

“But Stevie…?  Loki?  You?  You’re the guy who makes her happy?  The one who she’s been covering for?” Pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead, just a touch guilty, “I am.  And, I’m madly in love with her.” “I’m happy Bucky.  Stevie… really.  Loki is… he’s my everything.  I love him, too.”  

As your secret was outed, the group formed a circle around you and Loki.  Questions were shouted, congratulations extolled, Loki was clapped on the back more than once.  Natasha gave you a wink and the "ok", which was really all the approval you needed. 

“So, who won the pool then?”, Clint couldn’t help asking. “Me… and Thor”, the bride stepped right up to Tony with her hand out ready to take the prize money. “No fair!  He’s your brother in law now.  He probably told you!”  Rhodey chimed in, unsatisfied with the final results. Defending her methods, Jane spun in her wedding dress, “No way!  I used my powers of scientific deduction.  I knew she was head over heels for Loki the night we announced our engagement.” Wondering, you looked at Jane, “You did?  How?  I mean, I didn't tell anyone.  We didn't tell anyone ” “You didn't have to!  You two wouldn’t look at each other.  Dead give away.”  Counting her cash, Jane smiled at you. “That may be true, but I promise you this, Odinson… break her heart and I’ll kill you.”  Bucky shook Loki’s hand good naturedly, if a little too long, stopping only when Steve pulled him away. Gazing down at you, adoration evident in his face, Loki husked, “Not to worry, Agent Barnes.  She has my heart you see... and I plan to be her guy as long as she’ll have me.”

Tagging my Minxes:  @lancsnerd​ @vodka-and-some-sass​ @just-random-obsessions​ @brokenthelovely​ @lots-of-loki​ @thefallenbibliophilequote​ @sammy-jo1977​ @queenofmischief​ @iamverity​ @iluvsumbucky�� @unadulteratedwizardlove​ @wolfsmom1​ @procrastinatinglikeabitch​ @mizfit2​ @shxdowofdarkness​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @ahintofkiwistrawberry​ @jessiejunebug​ @rorybutnotgilmore​ @crystalizedcaramel​ @lokislittlecorner​ @scrumptious-finicky-illusion​ @capcapcapsicle​ @jamielea81​ @caffiend-queen​ @thenatalie @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore​ @is-it-madness​ @jenjen8675309​ @alexakeyloveloki​ @poetic-fiasco​ 

[btsqualityy]

BTS Second Pregnancy Series Extras: First Birthday

Author’s Note: Well guys, this is it! Almost two years, four separate series, and over 80 reactions later, I’m finally finished with the Toddler Series universe! Never did I expect that when I started the Wedding Series in August 2018, that it would blossom into an entire universe! I’m so thankful for all of the love, notes, comments, and asks that I’ve ever received in regards to this universe! I’ve grown a lot in my writing since the Wedding Series and I have you guys to thank for that! I will be doing a second round of Baby Q &A’s, just so that you guys can learn more about the second round of babies and I’ll be taking questions for that soon! After that though, I’ll be done! I hope you guys enjoy this last part!!

Kim Seokjin

“Ohh, look Carson,” you gasped as you kneeled down and handed the gift box in your hands to him.

“Do you wanna tell uncle Tae Tae thank you?” Jin said and Carson looked over at Jin, babbling loudly as he smacked the present and Jin looked at Taehyung apologetically. 

“You know what he meant,” Jin chuckled.

“It’s fine,” Taehyung assured him, smiling at Carson fondly. “Anything for my little birthday twin.”

“Kade, you wanna help Carson open this one?” You asked Kaiden, who nodded rapidly and sat down on the floor next to his younger brother. You then stood up straight, moving over and standing next to Jin. 

“Isn’t it crazy that he’s one today?” Jin muttered and you smiled.

“It is,” you agreed. “It’s even crazier that we have two boys.” 

“Who both look like me,” Jin boasted, making you roll your eyes playfully. 

“Which isn’t fair at all, by the way,” you laughed. “I feel like I’m surrounded by doppelgangers all the time.”

“What, you don’t want our sons to look like your worldwide handsome husband?” He pouted.

“No, they can look like you. As long as they don’t act like you,” you teased.

“I resent that jagi,” Jin huffed, and you reached over to smack his arm. Suddenly, you heard loud babbling and you looked down, seeing that Kaiden had gotten the wrapping paper off of the present for his brother and Carson was smacking the box of large building blocks that Taehyung had gifted him. 

“He likes them!” Kaiden announced happily and you felt Jin wrap his arm around your waist.

“I love you Y/N-ah,” he whispered and you turned your head to look at him.

“I love you too,” you replied, kissing his lips firmly.

Min Yoongi

“Mommy?” You heard a soft voice whisper and when you opened your eyes, you saw Kinsley standing next to your side of the bed.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” You wondered as you sat up in bed. 

“I had a scary dream,” she confessed, making your heart sink. “Can I sleep with you and Daddy and sissy?”

“Of course,” you nodded. “Come on.” You watched as Kinsley climbed up onto the bed, crawling over your body and settling down next to Kamryn, who was sleeping wildly with her arms spread out.

“What’s going on?” Yoongi muttered as he opened his eyes and lifted his head.

“Kins had a bad dream,” you explained and he nodded, silently leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to Kinsley’s forehead as she shut her eyes and drifted back off to sleep. You reached over to the nightstand and grabbed your phone, pressing the home button and gasping softly when you saw what time it was.

“What?” Yoongi asked.

“It’s 6:45am, exactly,” you smiled as you turned your phone to show him, and you could see his sleepy grin from the glow of your phone. 

“We officially have a 1 year old,” he chuckled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Kamryn’s cheek, which made her stir lightly. “Happy birthday sassy girl.”

“And an almost 5 year old,” you added as you leaned down to press a kiss to Kamryn’s forehead, and Yoongi groaned.

“God, don’t remind me,” he grumbled. “They’re both growing up too fast.” 

“‘Soon they’re gonna be graduating high school, going off to college, getting married,” you joked.

“I’ll choke you,” Yoongi replied but you could see the small smile on his face. You then looked down at both of your daughters, who were sleeping peacefully. 

“You ever thought we’d end up like this?” You questioned out of pure curiosity

“Nope,” he replied instantly. “But I’m so glad we did. I love you Min.”

“I love you too Yoongs,” you smiled, leaning over the girls and kissing him softly. 

Kim Namjoon

“Come on Maia,” Mason called out, holding out his hand and waiting for Maia to grab onto it before he led her further into the backyard where the rest of the members’ kids were. 

“God, they’re so cute together,” Namjoon gushed from his place next to you, and you looked up at him with a giggle as you cut into Maia’s birthday cake. 

“Yeah, he’s almost as obsessed with her as you are,” you teased him and he groaned dramatically.

“I can’t help it!” He exclaimed, taking a plate that you had placed a piece of cake on and handing it off to one of the guests who had come to Maia’s party. “She’s just so cute and she reminds me so much of Mase at that age.”

“Except less destructive,” you added with a laugh.

“Except less destructive,” he agreed with a nod. 

“I do have to say though, he’s done an amazing job with being a big brother,” you smiled, looking over to where Mason and Maia were sitting in the grass together, Mason feeding Maia pieces of cake. “He loves being an oppa.”

“He does, even though he’s still lowkey disappointed about not being a hyung,” Namjoon chuckled. 

“He’ll have to be a hyung to the other member’s kids then, because no more babies are popping out of me,” you said.

“Oh, agreed,” Namjoon nodded. “I think that now that we have our boy and our girl, our family is definitely complete.”

“Absolutely, and there’s no one else I’d rather have my family with,” you told him, wrapping one of your arms around his waist. “Love you.”

“Love you too Y/N-ah,” he grinned, leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to your lips. “Alright, now let me go make sure that Mason hasn’t let Maia get cake all over her dress.”

“Ok,” you giggled, dropping your arm and watching as he walked away from you and over to your kids. As you looked at the three of them, you couldn’t help but to think about how lucky you were to have an amazing husband and two healthy, beautiful kids.

Jung Hoseok

“Hey, don’t drag your brother like that!” You shouted towards Lennox, who frowned as he let go of Hendrix’s legs and let them hit the grass beneath them. 

“He likes it though!” Lennox yelled back.

“You could hurt him,” Hobi interjected, walking over to stand in front of them. 

“Sorry,” Lennox muttered as Hobi bent down and picked Hendrix up, setting him on his hip. Hobi smiled softly, reaching down with one hand and ruffling Lennox’s hair.

“It’s ok kiddo, just gotta be careful,” Hobi told him and Lennox nodded. Just then, Berkeley came running over to you.

“Mommy, can we all take pictures in the photo booth?” Berkeley asked excitedly, and you looked over towards the photo booth that was set up in one corner of your backyard. For Hendrix’s birthday, you and Hobi decided on a small party in your backyard and decided to get a small photo booth for memory purposes. 

“Me, you, Daddy, Lenny and Hendrix?” You wondered and Berkeley nodded in confirmation. 

“Please?” She added and you laughed. 

“Sure,” you agreed before walking over to Hobi, with Berkeley following behind you. “Berk wants to take pictures.”

“Ok, come on,” Hobi said, nodding his head at Lennox as the five of you went over to the photo booth and crowded inside. You and Hobi sat next to each other on the small bench, while you sat Lennox on your lap and Hobi had Berkeley on one knee and Hendrix on the other. 

“Big smiles babies,” you told them, leaning forward to press the button and watching as the countdown started. You sat back and leaned against Hobi, the five of you smiling as the camera took four photos in rapid succession. Once they were done, you all climbed out again, Lennox and Berkeley running off while you and Hobi waited for the photos to come out of the chamber.

“Wait, here they come,” you said, grabbing the photo strip as soon as it had come out of the machine. You looked over them, a wide grin coming over your face as examined it. You then turned it towards Hobi, letting him look at it too.

“Ok, that’s too cute,” he cooed, bouncing Hendrix lightly in his arms as he looked down at him. “We make a pretty good looking family, huh Drix?” Hendrix babbled loudly, making you smile at your youngest son. 

“I think so too,” you nodded in agreement, reaching over and tweaking Hendrix’s nose. “We made some beautiful babies.”

“Definitely, but that’s to be expected when you’re their mother,” Hobi smiled and you blushed, leaning over and kissing him lightly. “I love you.”

“I love you too Hobi,” you replied before bending down and kissing Hendrix’s cheek. “And I love you too baby boy. Happy birthday.”

Park Jimin

“Happy birthday to you,” you started to sing as you carried Sydney’s birthday cake out of the kitchen and into the dining room, where Jimin, Noah, Sydney, and the guests who had come to her party were waiting.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Sydney,” everyone sung together. “Happy birthday to you!” You set the small cake onto the tray of Sydney’s high chair and she looked up at you and Jimin curiously.

“Blow out your candles baby,” Jimin encouraged her, pursing his lips and blowing lightly in order to get her to follow his example. She then looked back down at the cake and pursed her little lips, blowing hard and managing to blow her candle out. 

“Yay Sydney!” Noah cheered, making everyone laugh and clap. Sydney then immediately dug her hands into the cake, squealing at the squishiness of it between her fingers. 

“There are pre-sliced pieces of cake on the kitchen counter everyone, so you all can go grab one if you’d like one,” you announced and people began to migrate in that direction.

“Me too?” Noah questioned and you nodded.

“You too, but be careful and use both hands,” you told him and he nodded rapidly before running off. You then turned to Jimin, who was busy taking pictures of Sydney stuffing her mouth with cake.

“She’s adorable,” Jimin chuckled as he turned his phone to show you the pictures. “I can’t believe that she’s one.”

“Me either. Seems like the time has passed so much faster this time around,” you pouted.

“Tell me about it,” he huffed, sliding his phone into his pocket and looking over at you with a smirk. “Think that means that you’re ready for another one?”

“Another one?” You chuckled. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah, you know I want more babies with you,” he smirked, moving closer to you. “Give me another one that looks just like you.”

“Ok, down boy,” you joked, putting your hand against his chest. “You know I want more kids but we’ll have to talk more about it first, ok?”

“I can agree to that,” he nodded. Just before you could respond, you heard Noah’s voice shouting from the kitchen.

“I dropped my cake!” He exclaimed and you groaned softly. 

“I’ll go help him,” Jimin laughed, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before walking off into the kitchen. You looked down at Sydney, who was looking up at you with cake spread all over her face and smiling at you and you couldn’t help but to think that having another baby with Jimin right now didn’t seem so bad. 

Kim Taehyung

“Is it good Eli?” Taehyung chuckled, looking fondly at his son. 

“God, I’m gonna hate having to clean him up after this,” you groaned, watching as Elijah messily gobbled down his small birthday cake. For Elijah’s first birthday, you managed to convince Taehyung to keep things simple so that’s why you guys had invited the both of your families, as well as the members and their families, to a small party at your house. 

“He eats like his father so can you blame him?” Jin snickered, making Taehyung gasp dramatically.

“Hey!” He shouted, offended. 

“He’s not lying,” Yoongi muttered in agreement. 

“Ok, its my son’s first birthday and I don’t think he’d appreciate his uncles dragging his father,” Taehyung interjected. 

“I think he would,” you laughed, making Taehyung gasp at you. 

“You too Y/N-ah?”

“Hey, I’m mad at you right now,’ you shrugged. “It was your idea for him to wear traditional handbok but now he has cake all over it.”

“The handbok can be cleaned,” he chuckled, wrapping one arm around your waist. “But you have to admit, he looks so cute.”

“He does, and so does Spence,” you smiled, looking over at the small table where Spencer was sitting, eating cake with the other members’ kids. She had on a purple and red handbok, while Elijah wore a blue and white one. 

“God, looking at them makes me want more babies with you,” Taehyung muttered and you looked over at him with a raised brow. “I know, we agreed to wait at least two years but I can’t help it.”

“We’ll get there baby,” you giggled, leaning over and kissing him. “If it makes you feel better, I want more babies with you too.”

“Good,” he grinned, his boxy smile that both of your children inherited from him on full display. “I love you jagi.”

“I love you too,” you smiled. 

Jeon Jungkook

“Ok I have to admit, we look pretty freaking cool,” you confessed with a laugh as you looked over your family’s outfits. Since Aria’s birthday is a little more than a week before Halloween, you and Jungkook decided to throw a costume party for her first birthday and since you were doing most of the party planning, Jungkook had offered to figure out your costumes and you were more than a little nervous about what he would pick out. 

“I told you to trust me,” he chuckled. “Dressing up as the characters from the Wizard of Oz is a great idea,” You were dressed as Dorothy, Jungkook was the Tin Man (silver face paint and all), Ava was the scarecrow and Aria had on the cutest little lion costume. 

“Do you like your costume Ari?” You asked her, getting a loud squeal in return from where she stood, holding on to your bed. You reached down and picked her up, settling her on your hip as you followed behind Jungkook and walked down the stairs. Your house was filled with family and friends, all of them dressed in different costumes. 

“Are we gonna sing happy birthday now Mommy?” Ava questioned as she came rushing up to you. 

“Yeah, Daddy went to go get the cake from the kitchen,” you told her. 

“Happy birthday to you,” Jungkook started to sing as he slowly walked out of the kitchen, holding a large sheet cake in his hands. 

“Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Aria,” everyone sung. “Happy birthday to you.” Jungkook finally made it over to you, holding the cake up in front of Aria. 

“Blow out your candle Ari boo,” he told her, nodding towards the cake. As you held her up some more, Aria reached out and swatted at the flame on the candle, effectively putting it out. You hurriedly reached out and pulled her hand back, checking her hand for any signs of a burn. 

“Well, that’s one way to do it I guess,” Jungkook joked, making everyone laugh loudly.

“God, this child has been a menace every since she started crawling,” you huffed with a laugh as Jungkook set the cake down on the dining room table to let people cut their own pieces. “I really hope that she hasn’t inherited your fearlessness.”

“You say that as if it’s a bad trait,” he pouted. 

“It’s not really, but I don’t know if I can handle a Mason,” you replied.

“We heard that!” Namjoon and his wife shouted.

“Sorry!” You yelled back. 

“I have to say though, the first year with Ari was way easier than it was with Angel,” Jungkook pointed out as he nodded towards Ava and you hummed in agreement. 

“True, but I’d do it all over again if I had to with you by my side,” you smiled, making Jungkook smile as well.

“I love you Y/N-ah,” he said, leaning forward and kissing you firmly.

“I love you more Kook,” you grinned, your heart feeling full with love for your husband and the both of your daughters. 

[xxtraord1nary]

POV

Fandom: Open Heart

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x f!mc (Charlotte West)

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: Constructive criticism is always welcome! No hate please and thank you for reading reblog and comment if you enjoyed.

Summary: A very naughty and heavily pregnant Charlotte much prefers her handsome lovers point of view.

Warnings: Strong Language, Fellatio, Sex, and a tad of dark humor. If that makes you uncomfortable please exit stage left because you’ve been warned. Overall vulgar.

Tag list: @katkart122 @missmiimiie @openheartfanfics

“Tobias, I am not playing with you get that damn camera out of my face! It's way too early for your shit.” Charlotte snapped whilst swatting at the pest she called a husband as he continued to record his very moody wife with his old camera he found a couple a months ago when Char ordered him with a broom in hand to go “clean that damn garage” or he could sleep on the couch for a month, so that being all the motivation he needed Tobias got to it with vigor.

“You're really good at this whole black mama thing Charlie.” he teases with a shit eating grin plastered on his stupidly perfect face. “Keep it up and I’ll be a single black mama if you don’t quit.” she grunted while taking down her plaited kinky tendrils that in the morning tended to have a mind of their own.

“Now why would you say that?”

“Because I’m going to kill you” she said whilst continuing to grumpily apply toothpaste to her electric toothbrush.

“Really talking like that when I’m recording, then the police will immediately know who to be held responsible in the case of my untimely demise, Charlie.” he further ribbed while shaking his head playfully behind the lens.

“Screw you and the police Carrick.” she spat.

“Babe, you know all you have to do is corporate and let me get my daily picture of you and our little Tiny Tia. So get with the program.” he chided with a small but genuine smile as he further gazed at the love of his life and their little one growing inside her very pregnant belly.

“Alright two things: that name is super cute and I’m surprised you came up with that yourself.”

“I’m good for something, see?” to which she answered with a ‘meh’ and shrug of her shoulders.

“I’m offended.” and again another answer in the form of shrugged shoulders and a hard roll of the eyes.

“Now for two, why on earth do you need a picture every day?” she whined with tired eyes.

“This is our first child out of many, I need to capture every moment. Now lift up your shirt!” he confidently proclaimed.

She didn’t want to burst his little bubble but if he thought for a second she was pushing another of his big headed babies out of her lady parts he was sorely mistaken. ‘What the hell is “out of many” anyways?’ she pondered with a perplexed expression. “Absolutely not, I look like a gross ragamuffin.”

He sighed, “Charlie lift up your shirt or I’m gonna hold out.” he asservated pleased with her shocked expression. “Oh yeah, hold out what exactly?” she challenged with raised eyebrows. He knew the denial of sex would be the thing to do it for her. Already she had an insatiable sexual appetite hence here they were here six months pregnant, but pregnancy hormones only amplified that. “You really don’t wanna play those games with me Tobias, or you’ll find yourself handcuffed to bed and taken by force.” she lightheartedly fired back. “I’m quite intrigued as long as I can return the favor.” he huskily dropped an octave and whispered to her. She shivered and scoffed “You a silly little freak.” with a laugh.

“Honestly Charlie, all this is unnecessary as all I wanted was my pictures and could have been going about my business by now but someone refused to get along with the picture. Pun heavily intended.” he sighed.

“Okay I’ll bite, but what are you even doing with these pictures?”

“Well, if you must know. I take your picture or video then I pleasure myself.” he sexily drawled “then upload it online to make a virtual scrapbook.” he happily finished. “Why am I not surprised?” she chuckled as she shoved his laughing form. “Wait, you still masturabte?” she inquisitively questioned.

“Well, yeah sometimes you're in a horrifying mood and I’d rather work with what I’ve got than you ripping my head off, do you?”

“Actually no, not since I met you at least.” she truthfully noted, as her hands just didn’t do the job since Dr. Tobias Carrick waltzed into her life with his devilishly handsome face and rocked her world.

“I’m doing my job right then.” he pressed with a smirk. “Mhm, too right if you ask me.” she quipped pointing to her very round and beautiful stomach adorned with barely visible glittery stretch marks that only magnified her beauty and strength. “What’s on your mind now?” he pried while she poked at her bump in the mirror. “Me and Sienna, Aurora, and Jackie are going out to Carson Beach and I can’t decide whether to wear a two or one piece.”

“Two pieces of course so I can enjoy the fruits of my labor.” he smiled proudly.

“Four minutes hardly constitutes at “labor” she mocked with air quotes. He smacked his teeth in annoyance, “If you loved me you’d do this for me.” he pleaded. And now it was her turn to kiss her teeth, “Fine!” she huffed. “But leave my face out of it, I look icky in the mornings.” to which he eagerly disagreed and pecked her lips but not before muttering something along the lines of “stunning”.

“Alright, I’ll give you your little video but you have to do something for me.” she suggestively proposed. To which he readily agreed as he loved her ‘just been fucked’ afterglow. He then turned off the old camcorder and attempted to put it away but she fingered the loops of his jeans “Uh uh turn it back on.”

He was sure his eyes were completely bulging out of his skull and managed to mutter a “Charlie a-are you serious?” in his daze. She nodded and sunk down to her knees as she slowly tugged down his boxers and elicited a low groan from him.

In the lens of the camera she expertly handled his member with care and tenderly began to stroke him giggling at his floored expression. “You ready for me, Tobias?” she tantalizingly asked not ceasing her stroking. Receiving an eager nod and thumbs up from the camera she smirked at her success in making the talkative bastard speechless. Expertly she teased his large in girth and lengthy member with the tip of her tongue before guiding him into her mouth as she had done tons of times before sucking her mans dick like a woman starved.

“Oh god, slow down baby.” Tobias pitifully groaned while screwing his mind down as the love of his life expertly worked him. “You wanna be inside me, baby?” she whispered in a sultry tone against the head of his member cursing a pleasant shiver to rack his body. He didn’t answer but instead made a gesture behind the camera for me to turn around. He thanked the heavens above for the easy access and the fact that she was wearing one of his shirts and abandoned underwear long ago. She hissed as his large strong hand cam crashing down on her bare ass, and soothed the pleasant sting with a soft rub. “Perfect.” he murmured as he continued his caressing of her more than generous backside. “How’s the view?” she asked with a wink through the mirror.

And with a quick and brutal thrust he was inside leaving her panting mess on the cold surface of the bathroom countertop as she moaned slowly.

“Amazing.” he quickly answered before he began his unrelenting deep thrust. “Deeper” she moaned out in the air. Resting on her palms and easing away from the countertop she made eye contact with a chipper Tobias as he violently thrust into her and she had to brace herself. “Where are you going Char?” Tobias teased as she stood on her tiptoes desperately in an unsuccessful attempt of creating space between them.

“Damn I know I told him deeper, but now he's just showing out for the camera.” she thought while groaning as he hit a spot inside her making let out a loud guttural moan. He made the most out of his opportunity reaching to rub her clit. Moaning even louder he soon used one hand to grip her shoulder as he angled the camcorder downwards to catch sight of his pelvis meeting her dripping cunt. Closing her eyes for some reprieve she opened them to meet Tobias’s eyes in the mirror to find him damn near gnawing through his lip to hold back his loud groans.

Her release soon crep up on her and she moaned loudly, “Baby, I-” to which he cut her off as he sped up his tireless thrust, “Me too. Don’t wait for me.” and with that she came harder than ever and fell back on the counter, a panting mess and sweating bullets and winced as he pulled out of her. She mistakenly thought he was going to clean her only for him to zoom in the camera to get a close up of her used pussy with his milky cum dripping out of her.

Once he caught his breath he chuckled “That was amazing and it wasn’t even my birthday.” to which she rolled her eyes with a dazed expression and a small smile on her face since enjoying the after effects of their morning activities.

“Yeah yeah you better delete that.” she warned turning on the shower.

“Uh-Uh Charlie we just made a porno, I’m downloading this to my USB and keeping it in my safe.” he remarked while being transfixed at the camcorder in his hands causing her to snort with laughter.

“Whatever, if it gets leaked I better get paid for it.” she declared while leaving to her shower leaving Tobias in a cheerful fit of post orgasmic laughter.

Fin.

A/N: That was nasty and you read it so you’re nasty too.

[phoebe-fucking-bridgers]

God I just love language and the fact human beings are constantly pushing and pushing and trying to make their devotion known through these bounds through ‘in war there are no winners, only widows’ and in don quixote ‘maddest of all to see life as it is and not as it should be’ and when sappho said ‘someone, I tell you, will remember us even in another time’ and we still know it to this day and yeats in ‘and what rough beast, it’s hour come round at last, slouches towards bethlehem to be born’ because the human race needs its saviours and margaret atwood saying ‘war is what happens when language fails’ and jeff vandermeer saying ‘perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable’ and shakespeare’s ‘doubt thou the stars are fire / doubt that the sun doth move / doubt truth to be a liar / but never doubt I love’ and anne carson saying ‘why are you full of rage? because you are full of grief’ and the best fucking one of all glennon doyle melton ‘the God I decide to believe in is the God of the bathroom floor. a God of scandalously low expectations. a God who smiles down at a drunk on the floor, wasted and afraid, and says, there you are. I’ve been waiting. are you ready to make something beautiful with me?’ like I know love is just a chemical reaction and can be broken down into math but the human race just loves one another so irrevocably and we’ve spent civilisations trying to communicate that through sanskrit and latin and every word under the fucking sun and jesus fucking christ my favourite author that has ever lived saying ‘before reaching the final line, however, he had already understood that he would never leave that room, for it was foreseen that the city of mirrors (or mirages) would be wiped out by the wind and exiled from the memory of men at the precise moment when aureliano babilonia would finish deciphering the parchments, and that everything written on them was unrepeatable since time immemorial and forever more, because races condemned to one hundred years of solitude did not have a second opportunity on earth.’

[firstfullmoon]

you said you’ve never been in love and reading love poems gives you That Tenderness (valid) but uhh I’m just curious about the main poems that give you that feeling? like what lines or just entire poems make you go “!!!that’s how I want it to be for me too damn!!!”

• “You kiss the back of my legs and I want to cry. Only the sun has come this close, only the sun.”

— Shauna Barbosa, from “GPS” (*the* one)

• “I love you. I want us both to eat well.”

— Christopher Citro, “Our Beautiful Life When It’s Filled With Shrieks” (*the* one bis)

• “I have never known a closeness like that.”

— Anne Carson, from Nox (so like. ter)

• Frank O’Hara’s poetry in general

“I am always thinking of the moon rising / I am always thinking of you.”

“oh god it’s wonderful / to get out of bed / and drink too much coffee / and smoke too many cigarettes / and love you so much”

• some Richard Siken

“I'll give you my heart to make a place / for it to happen, evidence of a love that transcends hunger. / Is that too much to expect? That I would name the stars / for you?”

“I had a dream about you. We were in the gold room / where everyone finally gets what they want. / You said Tell me about your books, your visions made / of flesh and light and I said This is the Moon. This is / the Sun. Let me name the stars for you. Let me take you / there. The splash of my tongue melting you like a sugar / cube… We were in the gold room where everyone / finally gets what they want, so I said What do you / want, sweetheart? and you said Kiss me.”

“Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we’ll never get used to it.”

• Tara Skurtu, “Morning Love Poem”

• “There is too much or not enough / room in my stomach / for everything we will do to each other.”

— Adriana Cloud, from “Bento Body”

• Chen Chen, “Song of the Anti-Sisyphus”

• Kim Addonizio (!)

“Love me like a freezing shot of vodka, like pure agave, love me when you’re lonely, when we’re both too tired to speak, when you don’t believe in anything, listen, there isn’t anything, it doesn’t matter, lie down with me and close your eyes, the road curves here, I’m cranking up the radio and we’re going, we won’t turn back as long as you love me, as long as you keep on doing it exactly like that.”

“What happened, happened once. So now it’s best in memory—an orange he sliced: the skin unbroken, then the knife, the chilled wedge lifted to my mouth, his mouth, the thin membrane between us, the exquisite orange, tongue, orange, my nakedness and his, the way he pushed me up against the fridge— Now I get to feel his hands again, the kiss that didn’t last, but sent some neural twin flashing wildly through the cortex. Love’s merciless, the way it travels in and keeps emitting light. Beside the stove we ate an orange. And there were purple flowers on the table. And we still had hours.”

• Mikko Harvey, “For M”

• “Of all the things I have done, I am most proud of our relationship, of picking up the pieces of investing in each other again and again. I am proud to trust you, despite the pain of trusting that lives in me every day. In every way, I was raised to kill this: the impulse to build and protect a place where you and I can live as ourselves. And not just live. When I hear you on the phone, there’s always something else going on, something’s happened that will change you or change me, and it’s not those moments but ourselves that we share with each other. Not out of necessity, but abundance.”

— Yanyi, from The Year of Blue Water

• Ada Limón, “What I Didn’t Know Before”

• “So the season’s set us spinning again, with its new bite of breeze. Another year wound round us, and you still made for me. Last night I dreamt you were that gladiator we joke about in real life gleaming in black and gold light, pushing apart my thighs. It’s electric to think of it now, now that Brooklyn has closed down and I’m truly alone. I should write you all the time, tell you about this space inside me, like the hollow of a bell. But that’s not my gift. With you my gift is to live, live like this.

— Maggie Nelson, from “Birthday Poem”

• and last but not least

[woah-were-halfway-there]

Good Life

Just a little something based on the song by OneRepublic that follows the course of Auston’s relationship with you. ♡

Word Count: 8.2k

A/N: The first updated rewrite with Carson 🥺

Series Masterlist

A low groan left Carson's mouth as she tried to move from where she was trapped, ending up letting out a huff of defeat because she just wasn't able to. Her boyfriend's body rippled with laughter from where he laid directly on top of her, finding humour in the way she whined and squirmed beneath him. However, he didn't let her struggle for too long because soon enough, he was mumbling sweet nothings and placing soft kisses along her exposed collarbone. 

"Auston, we need to get up," Carson whispered breathlessly as his mouth came in contact with that one spot he knew drove her wild. 

"Says who?" He asked while smirking against her skin, waiting for a moment before beginning to suck on the sensitive area. 

Carson couldn't help the moan that left her mouth as he did this, but still, she knew she couldn't let him go too far with his antics. 

"Says the entire Toronto Maple Leafs franchise."

At that, Auston paused. Staying still for a moment before slowly moving away so that he could get a good look at her, a boyish grin dancing on his lips as he did so. 

Despite how hard Carson tried, she couldn't keep her eyes from roaming his naked upper body. Taking in his still wet torso from the shower he just took and how the towel he had loosely wrapped around his hips looked like it could fall right off at any second. 

Carson woke up shortly after Auston and snuck into the en-suite to brush her teeth, going unnoticed as he washed up in the steam-filled shower while a Drake song played from the Bluetooth speaker. Part of her wanted to join him, but the other more logical part decided to settle on stripping down so she could wrap herself in a towel before returning to the bedroom and waiting to take her shower once he was done. 

Auston was on a bit of a time crunch. He and the rest of the team were to fly out to St. Louis for a game later that night as a kickstart to an away stretch that lasted over a week. It sucked, and Carson dreaded the thought, but there wasn't much she could do. She was way too proud of him ever to let him know just how sad she was at the thought of him leaving. 

However, Auston knew. 

He knew Carson wasn't thrilled about him being away because he wasn't too keen on leaving her either. He wished she could just join him, but she had a life to live in Toronto whether he was there or not, and he wasn't going to make her sacrifice any of it for him regardless of how badly he wanted to just so the two of them could be close to one another. 

Leaving was the most challenging part, but he knew damn well that Carson would always be there whenever he got back. That's what made it a little easier, but seeing her in nothing but a towel on their shared king-sized bed once he emerged from the washroom made the dread of going away for work that much more prominent. 

"I don't want to go," he groaned and nuzzled into the crook of Carson's neck after placing a soft peck to her lips. 

"Yes, you do," she chuckled and started mindlessly running her hand through his hair. "You have so much fun on the road with your team and just being out there doing what you love."

"Yeah, but I don't like when it means being away from you for a long time."

"It's just a week, Aus," she explained gently before placing a kiss on his temple. "We've been through a lot worse than this. You need to go and show the world what you're made of."

"Would be better if you were there as I did," he pouted, and Carson sighed. 

"I wish I could be, but you know I'll be cheering for you as if I was there."

At that, Auston smiled. The scruff of his moustache tickled against Carson's skin slightly, causing a soft chuckle to escape her mouth before Auston sat up to look at her again. He couldn't get over how lucky he was to have found such a supportive and caring girlfriend like her. Auston's relationship with Carson contributed to some of the best years of his life thus far, and he was so thankful to have her by his side as he experienced them.

The two of them started their relationship in early 2017, some months after Carson and Auston first met on the night of his first NHL game. She was there cheering on her cousin and Auston's teammate, Mitch Marner, and after initially meeting, became friends and eventually started dating. Almost three years after they finally got together, they were still going strong, living together, and looking forward to what the future held. 

"You know, I could always just fly back tonight after the game. We don't play in Vancouver until Tuesday, so I'd be away for less time."

"As much as I'd love that," Carson started while shifting so that she could get out from underneath Auston. "And believe me, I would. You're going to have a blast on this road trip with the guys, babe. You have the chance to get out of the city and do your thing before having to be out west for all of next week, so take it. Enjoy your time out of Ontario, I know I would, and I'll be here when you get back."

"I know," he replied as he rolled off of her then sat on the edge of the bed so that Carson could stand up. "Just going to miss you is all."

"And I'm going to miss you," she replied as she stood in front of him and cupped his face so that she could place another peck to his lips. "So, so much."

Auston used the position the two of them were in to his advantage as he wrapped his arms around Carson's waist and pulled her closer for a much deeper kiss. 

Now, Carson wasn't one to stop a good thing once it got going. The way her hands snaked around Auston's neck and tangled themselves into his hair was a good indication of that, but she knew that he really did have to go and was the first to start pulling away. 

"Nice try," she muttered against his lips before he let out a defeated sigh. "You need to get dressed, Tyson will be here soon, and then I need to get you both to the airport, so you don't miss your flight."

"Was worth a shot," he replied and playfully reached out to tug on Caron's towel as she began walking away. 

"Auston!" 

"Hurry, I need to spend more time with you before I leave. Please?"

"Not with that attitude. I'm going to take my time now," Carson said before sticking her tongue out at him.

He shook his head at his girlfriend before another screech left her mouth as he bolted up off the bed and rushed after her, following her inside the bathroom and making the chances of him being late much more likely. 

~*~

"God, how could I be so stupid?"

"It's actually pretty entertaining if I'm honest," Steph said with a chuckle from her end of the phone. "Mitch thinks it's great."

"I think it was impulsive and idiotic," Carson pouted while leaned against the elevator wall as it took her up to the floor of her and Auston's condo. 

"You were drunk. At least it's small and barely noticeable."

Carson's gaze fell to the inner part of her left wrist where the skin was irritated and now had a tiny 34 permanently inked on the once unscathed area, a sigh escaping her mouth as she took it in yet again. 

It was a Sunday in late January, and the day before, Carson spent drinking wine with Steph and a few other friends for a little girls day while the boys were out of town for a game. Typically not being one to get absolutely hammered, Carson did go a little harder than intended when a few rounds of shots were bought and ended up being an absolute write-off before the game even started. Being a tad impulsive and very brave drunk, she decided she'd get a tattoo just after dinner, and no one felt like stopping her. In fact, they encouraged it.

"I know, but what if I end up extremely regretting it for some reason?" Carson asked as she glanced up to see her floor approaching. 

"How so?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "What if Auston changes his jersey number?"

"I think you're being dramatic," Steph stated with another laugh. 

"Ok, but what if we were to break u-."

"You can't think about it like that!" Steph cut her off immediately. 

"Steph, I'd feel so much stupider than I already do."

"Well, you do not need to. That man is so head over heels in love with you, and I know that you feel the same, or else you would've never considered the tattoo in the first place. If you're that worried, just keep it hidden."

"Worst case scenario is that you're just going to inflate his ego even more," Mitch's voice blared from the background, causing Carson to laugh. 

"He's got a point," Steph said while Carson shook her head just as the elevator doors opened up. "Look, if you don't want Auston to see it yet, then you don't have to show him, ok? Just do whatever makes you comfortable, although I really do think you're overthinking this."

"You're probably right," Carson groaned as she walked down the hallway and fished out her keys in the process. "I guess I'll decide once I see him."

"You're going to be fine, but please let me know how it goes if you do show him."

"Of course," she told Steph as she unlocked the door and heard shuffling around from somewhere on the other side. "I'll talk to you later."

"See ya!"

Once she was inside, Carson placed her phone back in her bag, took her shoes off and hung up her coat before creeping towards the kitchen since Auston had no idea she was home yet. Post Malone's Allergic became louder the closer Carson got, as did her boyfriend's off-key singing. When she finally reached the entryway, she peaked her head inside to see him putting away some groceries while bopping his head to the beat of the song. 

He was wearing a simple grey pullover sweater, some Roots track pants, a black beanie and his glasses, looking relatively comfortable for his day off, and Carson couldn't help but just stand there and observe him for a moment. The song Enemies began playing next, and Auston went off just as hard as he did to the song prior while he finished unpacking the last bit of food he bought, causing Carson to laugh a little and for his gaze to snap towards her. 

"Aus, Post's concert is still over a month away."

"Can never be too ready," Auston said with a smile before moving around the large island he stood behind to walk over and engulf her in a hug. "Missed you."

"Missed you too," Carson replied and pulled away slightly so that she could place a soft kiss on his lips. "Even though I saw you yesterday morning."

"Minor details," he winked before slithering away from Carson's grasp and back over to where he was standing before resuming his much more lowkey dancing along to the music. "Also, I missed Post the last time he was here. You were lucky enough to go without me."

"Oh, I know because you never let me live it down. Thought us spending Valentine's Day at his next concert here might be a good way to make up for that."

"It's a step in the right direction," Auston chuckled and spun around to put a carton of orange juice in the fridge. "How was your night, er-, day out with the girls yesterday?"

Carson's eyes immediately widened before she glanced down to see her tattoo wholly exposed and out in the open, not wasting a single second to pull the sleeve of her hoodie down in an attempt to keep it hidden. "Uh, great! Really fun."

"That's good. I heard you got a little wild."

"Now, who would you have heard that from?" She asked innocently as she moved around the island to help put the rest of the groceries away. 

"No one in particular," he started. "But the voicemail you left saying how much you loved me but also how you may actually love our bed, even more, was a dead giveaway."

"Ah, fair enough. I really do love that bed, though."

"Believe me, I know." 

The two of them laughed, and Carson shook her head at the playful smirk he looked at her with. 

"You weren't here when I got home this morning. Did you stay somewhere else?"

"Yeah, I crashed on Steph and Mitch's couch. I guess I thought that'd be easier than coming home for some reason," she explained. "Not like they live very far away."

"So you're saying that Mitchy got to see you before I did?" Auston scoffed dramatically. "I'm hurt."

"You'll get over it, drama queen," Carson responded while rolling her eyes. "I'm here now, aren't I?"

"Yes, and I'm very glad."

Auston then walked towards Carson and pulled her in for another soft peck. She smiled against his lips as her arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer. It wasn't very often the two of them had days off together where they could chill and not worry about having to be somewhere else. It was something Carson and Auston both cherished greatly, and finally, having a day to hang out at home together made the two of them extremely happy. 

"Why don't we finish putting away these groceries, and then we can put on a movie or something?"

"Deal," he responded and moved away so he could go back to what he was doing. Carson grabbed the package of spaghetti and jars of tomato sauce that laid near him on the counter and took them over to the pantry. As she was putting the items away, Auston came up behind her with a box of cereal to reach over and put on a shelf as well, but instead of moving away like one usually would, he froze, and Carson could feel him looking down at her. "What's that?"

"What's what?" She asked as she put the last jar on the shelf before turning around to face him. However, when Carson looked at him, he was looking downwards and not trying to make eye contact with her at all. 

"On your wrist. Did you get a tattoo?"

At that, Carson gulped and let her gaze fall to where Auston gently reached out to grab her wrist so he could observe it better. Her sleeve still covered most of the tattoo, but the top of it was definitely out in the open and Carson was not surprised her boyfriend would've noticed such a thing. 

"I-," Carson stated, entirely ready to deny everything, but then decided there was no point in lying. "Yeah. I guess you could say that."

"Can I see it?" He asked softly, looking at her for permission before he moved the sleeve out of the way entirely. While biting down on her bottom lip nervously, Carson nodded and watched as he tugged down the piece of clothing and displayed the tiny 34 that resided there, a smile lighting upon his face as he did so. 

She watched Auston as he gently ran his thumb over the sensitive skin as if making sure the ink wasn't going to run away and how his smile grew even wider when it didn't. 

"I was feeling pretty impulsive last night," Carson explained. "And you were on my mind. I've thought about getting a tattoo like this before. I just never thought I'd be gutsy enough to do it… even if I was not sober when it happened. Do you like it?"

"I love it," Auston said, then looked back to her. "I think you're wild for doing it, but how could I not like it?"

"I don't know, though you might think it was stupid or something."

"Cheesy, yes," he chuckled. "But not stupid. I really do love it, Carson."

"Ok good," she smiled before Auston pulled her into his embrace. 

The two of them stood there for a minute, just enjoying each other's presence before Auston started laughing and ruined the moment completely. 

"What's your deal?" Carson asked, pulling away so that she could look up at him. 

"Nothing," he stated while trying to contain his laughter but failing miserably. "It's just that I was thinking, what if I got a tattoo for you."

"Auston," she warned, knowing exactly where he was going with this. 

"What? I think it'd be really cool. Maybe I'll go all Drake style and get your face tattooed on my thigh or something."

"Your thigh?" Carson asked offendedly, causing Auston to burst out laughing this time. "First off, you are not getting my face tattooed anywhere on your body. Second, your thigh Auston? Of all places?"

"I could probably think of a worse spot. Maybe like, right here along my collarbone..."

"That's it, I'm done with you," she said and walked out of the room, leaving him to hunch over and cry laugh all alone. 

~*~

With hockey being a contact sport and Carson being the girlfriend and cousin of a player for said activity, she knew well enough about how scary it could be to know someone who has gotten hurt. She's lived through it with Auston and Mitch, having witnessed the odd game where they were hit in the wrong place a little too hard and having to wait anxiously to hear whether they were ok or not, all while not trying to lose her mind in the process. 

It sucked a lot. But it was never something Auston and Mitch thought they'd have to experience when it came to Carson. 

It was a home game against Washington on a rainy night at the beginning of April. Usually, when the Caps were in town, Carson would tease Auston about how she used to have a crush on Tom Wilson before she met her boyfriend, and Auston would roll his eyes. She never meant it seriously, and Auston never took it to heart either, but this particular day, they were both just very short with one another, and the teasing did not go over well. 

Auston was stressed over what was to come from the upcoming game, with it being near the beginning of playoff season and the Leafs winning being crucial. Meanwhile, Carson was just exhausted. Work had been kicking her ass lately. She was working towards a Public Relations Manager position in the office she was already a PR officer for, and on top of it, she was doing freelance writing and editing on the side. It had been a wild ride when it came to her career since she graduated from UofT almost a year prior. To put it simply, Carson felt so all over the place with everything else going on that she hadn't even noticed how stressed Auston was, and he didn't notice how beat she was either. 

The two of them had a bit of a tiff. Just a petty little argument that wasn't necessary, and they both felt terrible about it the moment Carson stormed away from Auston to barricade herself in their shared bedroom, making sure to slam the door for extra emphasis on her frustrations. Auston left after that and headed to the arena, but not without softly knocking on the door to tell Carson how sorry he was before departing. 

With it being so close to playoffs and Carson wanting to be at every game she could, supporting the man she loved regardless of stupid fights they had every once in a while, there was no way she was going to miss that game. 

Auston's parents Ema and Brian, were in town, and Carson planned to sit and cheer Auston on with them like she had so many times before. But she never made it to SBA. 

While glancing up into the stands during warmups, Auston noticed that Carson wasn't there with his parents. He looked at his mom questionably, and she shook her head unknowingly. Ema didn't get a text from Carson saying she was on her way like she usually would have, and when she called to make sure everything was alright, Carson didn't pick up. There was a nagging feeling eating away at Ema as the game started, and Carson still hadn't shown up, but she tried not to think of anything negative and focused on her son. 

Auston thought Carson was still mad, and that's why she didn't show up. It made sense, and although he was really bummed thinking that, he had to be there for his team and knew he would be able to talk to her as soon as the game was over if she let him.

The Leafs ended up winning, having an early lead thanks to a goal Auston scored with the assistance of John and Willy. Everyone was ecstatic, they were one step closer to gaining a playoff spot, and Toronto's atmosphere was just unreal. But something felt off. 

Once the initial on-ice celebrations concluded, the team made their way to the dressing room in high spirits, but as he was leaving the ice, Auston noticed something he just couldn't prevent a horrible feeling from forming because of. He glanced up towards his family one last time to see Ema looking at her phone with watering eyes and her hand covering her mouth while showing Brian whatever it was on the screen and him looking at it with pure shock. 

Auston tried not to think about it. He knew that his mother would fill him in as soon as she could, and he had no need to stress until she did, so with a quick shake of his head, he headed to the dressing room. 

He was the last of the team to get there, having been distracted by watching his parents. And as soon as he walked through the door, almost everyone fell silent. They all looked to him with unreadable glances, some even refusing to look him in the eyes, and he instantly knew something terrible had happened. 

"What's going on?" He asked, feeling himself growing insanely anxious as he looked at his teammates and crew, noticing not one camera was rolling trying to get a post-game comment like there usually was.

"Have you heard from Carson?" Freddie was the first to speak up, causing Auston's heart to plummet.

"I- no, not since I left to come here. Why?"

"Matts, she was in a car accident," Mitch said hesitantly, visibly upset about the news as well. "Steph was calling me as soon as we got in here, I knew it had to be an emergency, but fuck, I didn't think it was that. We don't know the details, but Carson was taken to the hospital and-."

Auston went silent, shell shocked, unable to even wrap his head around the thought of Carson getting hurt in some way. Soon enough, his feet were taking him in the direction of the door before he could even comprehend what was happening. But not without being stopped first. 

"Aus, you can't drive like this," Willy stated as he blocked Auston's path.

"I need to get to her."

"We know," Mo spoke up and started guiding him over to his spot next to JT, making sure he sat down before continuing. "But you just driving off after getting something like that thrown at you is not going to help the situation. One of us will take you. You're not going alone."

"Get changed, and we can go," Mitchy told Auston, shaking his head as he still tried to process it all. "I need to go and let my family know what happened. Steph just got there. She'll let us know if she hears anything. But, it's going to be ok, it has to be."

"You don't know that, though," Auston said quietly before looking at his friend. "What if she's not ok?"

"Don't think about it like that," JT said firmly while looking between Auston and Mitch. "Just hurry up, go be there for her and trust that she'll be fine. It's all the two of you can do."

"Auston, your parents are waiting for you outside," a voice called, but Auston didn't bother to look at who said it. He just nodded and quietly got changed from his hockey gear as quickly as he could before joining his parents and Mitch for an Uber ride to the hospital.

It wasn't a long drive to Toronto General Hospital, but time couldn't seemingly have gone by any slower. Auston was anxious, and so many scenarios were running through his head as he remained silent and stared out the window. 

The other three didn't know what they could say to help ease his worries because they were all feeling pretty stressed themselves. Carson's family wasn't in the city when the accident happened, and that was a call that still had to be made. Her dad and sister Mya were in Vancouver, while her brother Nate was in Montreal, so they weren't necessarily close. Auston, his parents, Mitch and Steph, were all she had at the time, and they were determined to be there for when she needed them most. 

Ema explained to Auston that his sister, Breyana, had texted her and said what happened, with a link to an article she saw on Twitter. Coverage about the accident was all over the news. There were pictures of two totalled cars just down the street from the arena, videos of the police redirecting traffic, and of course, the mentioning of how Auston Matthews' girlfriend was involved in the crash, but he couldn't bear to look at any of it. 

From what everyone gathered, Carson was not at fault. Seeing as the crash happened before the game even started, the police had finished their investigation and released a statement. They said how the other driver ran a red light and plowed into the passenger side of another vehicle passing through the York St. and Bremner Blvd. intersection. The police then went on to say that the driver who caused the accident was intoxicated. The man and the driver of the other vehicle had been taken to the hospital with injuries. That other driver was Carson. 

When they arrived and climbed out of the Uber, no one knew what they were getting into when they walked through those hospital doors, but luckily Steph was there to soften the blow. 

"I just talked to the doctor," Steph stated and stood up from her seat in the waiting room once she saw everyone walking towards her. Mitch immediately engulfed her in a tight hug, which she returned, but was also quick in looking back to Auston because she knew how badly his feelings would have been eating him alive at the moment. "She's awake… she's hurt, but she's going to be ok."

Audible sighs of relief left everyone in the room as Ema reached over to gently squeeze her son's hand reassuringly. Before anything else could be said, though, a doctor entered the room and greeted everyone. The doctor explained how she was the one in charge of tending to Carson's injuries when she was brought in to the hospital and that after one more examination, she should be fine to go home with Auston. 

"Do you mind telling us what's wrong? Do I need to do anything once she's home to make sure she's ok?" Auston's voice cracked as he asked his question, clearly still shaken up from the whole ordeal. 

"Just make sure Carson gets some rest and takes it easy over the next few days," the doctor told him with a smile. "She's definitely got a concussion and has torn the muscle in her left shoulder. She'll probably be in a bit of pain, so I've prescribed her some medication if she needs it, but other than that, she should make a speedy recovery as long as she doesn't overwork herself. This could have been a lot worse, but the seatbelt and airbags in the vehicle sure did their jobs."

"Can we see her?"

"Of course," she replied with a nod. "She's been asking for you."

The doctor then led the five of them down a couple of hallways of the emergency room before stopping in front of a closed door and smiled once more, telling them she'd be back in about 15 minutes or so. Once she was gone, Auston slowly opened the door and walked into the room.

Carson was sitting upright in the hospital bed, her long brown hair resting in a messy bun on top of her head and still wearing her Matthews jersey while looking utterly exhausted. There was a nasty gash above her left eyebrow, but other than that and the very obvious sling her arm rested in, she looked pretty good for someone who had just gotten into a severe car accident.

As soon as the door opened, Carson snapped her gaze to see who it was coming into her room. She was quick in locking eye contact with her boyfriend once she realized it was him, and as a result of that, she immediately started sobbing.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's ok," Auston soothed as he rushed over to the side of the bed, hesitating to pull Carson into his embrace because he didn't know how much pain she was in.

"I totalled your car!"

"Carse, I don't care about the car," he assured her as he started wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs before leaning down to place a delicate yet firm kiss on her forehead. When he pulled away, he cupped Carson's face in his hands and looked at her with a serious gaze. "The car can be replaced. You cannot. God, babe, you scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry," she blubbered as she used her arm that wasn't in a sling to wrap around Auston's middle and pulled him close. He began rubbing soft circles on her back as she cried into his chest as a way to calm her down a bit, which worked wonders. "It all happened so fast. I-I didn't even see the guy coming until it was too late."

What made this an even more difficult situation than before this one, Carson had only been in one other car accident. One that unfortunately resulted in her mother passing away when Carson was just 13. Auston could only imagine what was running through his girlfriend's head at that moment but continued just focusing on her at that moment. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for. All any of us care about is that you're ok, Carson. That's all that matters. Now I need you to take a few deep breaths for me, ok? How's your head?"

"It aches a bit," she told Auston as she moved away to look at him again and followed his movements of taking deep, calming breaths. "I'm more tired than anything."

"I can imagine," he responded with a smile. "As soon as the doctor comes back and gives us the ok, we'll get you home and in bed. Sounds good?"

"Sounds amazing."

Auston chuckled slightly, amazed at how even after being in a car accident, Carson tried to make light of the situation. He then leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips before moving to the other side of the bed and sitting next to her so that everyone else could see her as well. 

Auston watched as his parents greeted her with big hugs while being mindful of her injuries and expressed how glad they were that she was alright. Mitch and Steph were next, who jokingly scolded Carson for scaring them but also wasted no time in pulling her in for a hug as well. 

Soon after, the doctor returned and gave Carson a final once over. She held tightly onto Auston's hand as the doctor went over what to do if Carson wasn't seeing improvements in her injuries within the next few days, as well as how to get a hold of her if something were to happen. Once she was done giving the spiel and explaining how the sling would have to stay on for a few weeks, Carson was given the ok to leave.

Afterwards, Mitch went home with Steph because Ema and Brian insisted on taking Carson and Auston back to their condo. As soon as she was home, Carson changed into some comfy clothing and crawled into bed. Auston was right there with her, making sure she was alright, before crawling in beside her and making sure he held onto her just a little bit tighter as he fell asleep.

~*~

Christmas time in Toronto was always a very festive time of year. The market was on at The Distillery District, the CN Tower always had a stunning red and green light show going on each night, and there were plenty of things to do in and around the city. However, the best part of this specific year was that Auston had a couple of days off from playing hockey.

The Leafs had won their last game before their small holiday break, and Carson was off work until the new year. She loved having time off with Auston, but every once in a while, it got to the point where they didn't know what to do.

It was Christmas Eve, and the two of them were cuddled up on the couch as a rerun of the Grinch finished playing. Although it was late, they weren't that tired; therefore, boredom ensued.

"Want to go for a walk?" Carson suggested after a few moments of contemplation.

"It's 11:30 at night," Auston chuckled.

"And what about it?"

"Nothing," he stated while shaking his head. "It's just that I have a better idea, I think."

Carson looked at him skeptically, shifting so that he could see her questioning gaze. "Go on."

"We could go skating," he proposed, and this time, Carson let out a laugh. "What? We could go to the rink at Harbourfront. It's late. I doubt anyone will be there, especially on Christmas Eve."

"Why do I have a feeling you planned this?" She asked while shaking her head. "It's too well thought out."

"So what if I did? Come on. It'll be fun. It'll kind of be like…"

 "Our first date." She finished for him, watching as he nodded in agreement. "God Aus, that was so long ago."

 It was true, though. During Auston's first season with the Leafs, while Carson was still in university, the two of them met and became friends. Perks of him playing on the same team as her cousin. 

 The two of them had been seeing each other but weren't officially a couple for almost a month, then one late night in January, Auston asked Carson to go skating with him at that same ice rink. Things were a bit weird between them after that date. They'd gotten into a bit of a fight for a couple of weeks after discussing what they were, but Auston knew he needed to fix that. After making up and officially becoming a couple, Auston invited Carson on another skating date the following evening. 

It was a weekend in February, two nights before the Leafs Centennial gala, to be exact, and Carson was bored at home watching Netflix alone because her roommate Lexie wasn't there. So she hopped on the TTC and met him there, only to find that he brought two pairs of hockey gloves and two sticks so they could play some one-on-one.

 Carson could tell that Auston was ready to go easy on her, but she was competitive and wanted to give him a run for his money. Auston was caught off guard, naturally, which made him competitive too, but he still made sure not to go full NHL-er on her. It was a playful match. He let her win but still got his prize when he leaned in finally kiss her, and she let him.

 The rest was history.

 Carson couldn't help but smile as she thought back to that night. Although it was almost four years ago, the memory still made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and Auston could tell that's exactly what she was thinking about.

 Slowly, Carson looked up to see him smirking down at her and rolled her eyes. "Fine, let's go."

 The two of them climbed off the couch, and once they were all bundled up, they headed to the rink. Which luckily wasn't too far at all.

 Auston talked Carson into a rematch of one-on-one while on the way there. She was more than ready to make a sad attempt at destroying him in a game of hockey again, so she accepted his challenge, becoming relieved when they reached their destination and saw that there was no one else skating around.

 "Told ya we'd have the place to ourselves," he told her with a smug grin as she sat down, and he helped tie up her skates.

 "Whatever, Matthews," Carson replied as he grabbed her hands and pulled her up once he was done. Once she was standing upright and had balanced herself out, he began skating backward and started pulling her with him, which Carson let him do as she smiled widely at him. "Thought you wanted to play hockey?"

 "We can eventually," he replied. "But I kinda like just doing this with you for now."

 Carson tried to hide the blush burning its way across her cheeks as he continued guiding her around the rink, but Auston noticed and made sure to send her a wink once she made eye contact with him again. 

"Good, cause I do too."

 After a little bit, he let go of one hand but kept the other linked with hers as the two of them began skating side by side. They did that for 20 minutes or so, just going around the rink together as they talked and teased each other. Then they finally decided to play some hockey.

Just like the first time Auston and Carson had done something like this, she was more than aware that she was no match against Auston when it came to hockey whatsoever, but he went easy on her again. The game was never really a game, though. After two face-offs that ended in him wrapping his arms around Carson's waist and pulling her against him so that she couldn't chase after the puck, the two of them decided to just do trick shots into the little makeshift net he made between a pair of Carson's gloves and Auston's hat.

 It didn't take long for him to start showing off, so Carson let him. How could she not? Auston's an incredibly talented athlete, and Carson loved watching him, even though he was a little extra at times. Plus, she was having a lot of fun.

 After they grew tired and cold, the two of them headed back home to call it a night. It was well after midnight. They had to be up early to get on a flight to Arizona, seeing as they were spending a very brief holiday with Auston's family before flying to Chicago for a game on the 27th and eventually back to Toronto.

 Carson was pretty exhausted by that point, and Auston could tell she was with how she leaned against him as soon as they were in the elevator of their condo building and let out a loud yawn.

 "Did losing wear you out?" Auston asked jokingly before leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

 "I didn't lose anything. You cheated."

 "Whatever," he chuckled as the doors opened and the two of them started walking down the hall. Auston observed as Carson began fumbling with her keys so she could unlock the door and go inside when suddenly an idea sprung to his mind, and his eyes widened. "Wait, it's technically Christmas."

 A laugh left Carson's mouth as she shook her head at him. "Yes, Auston, what gave it away?"

 "You know what I mean," he replied while rolling his eyes at his girlfriend before following her into the condo.

 "I know, I'm just messing with you. But yes, it is technically Christmas."

"So I can give you your gift, and you can't get mad at me for it."

 "Auston," Carson groaned. He always did this. Forever the child her boyfriend was with, not being able to contain his excitement when it came to gift-giving and seeing her face when she opened something he put a lot of thought into. They always tried to one-up the other when it came to sentiment, too. This year was different, though. The two of them agreed to buy each other only one thing seeing as they always spoiled the other, but realistically, this year was no exception.

 Carson was excited to show Auston his gift. It was something she thought about and saved for, for a long time, and she already knew how much he'd love it. So with that in mind, she agreed to exchange gifts with him before going to bed.

 "Ok fine, we can do gifts now, but I'm giving you yours first."

"If you insist," Auston said with a huge smile while holding his hands up in defence. Carson didn't bother replying as she stuck her tongue out at him while they took off their coats and began guiding him towards the giant Christmas Tree that resided in the living room.

 Once they were there, Carson let go of his hand and reached to the very back of the tree where an envelope resided. Auston gave her a look, noting her clever hiding place before looking down at the envelope and taking it.

 Carson bit down on her bottom lip nervously and excitedly as she watched him take out the card and open it to see what was inside, a small chuckle leaving her mouth while his mouth fell open.

 "Merry Christmas, babe."

 "You didn't," Auston gasped as he took the picture out of the card and looked back at her. "Are you serious?"

 "Yes," she told him while nodding her head and was soon engulfed in a huge hug. Once he was done almost crushing her, Carson took the picture from him then spun around in his hold so they could look at the image of the small, fluffy puppy that was printed on it together. "He's a Miniature Goldendoodle named Frank. The lady we're getting him from said he doesn't really respond to a name just yet, so we can change it."

 "I love Frank," Auston stated while looking at the picture over Carson's shoulder with a goofy grin on his face.

 "I do too," she replied while turning around to face her boyfriend again. "We get to pick him up during the first week of January."

 "I can't believe we're getting a dog," he said while shaking his head. "Thank you so much, wow."

 "You're welcome," Carson told him before standing on her tiptoes so she could peck his lips. "Good luck trying to beat that gift, Matthews."

 Carson meant what she said as a joke, but with the way Auston smirked against her lips and shook his head in disagreement, she knew he took it as a challenge.

 "I wouldn't be so sure," he responded and started walking out of the room.

 "Babe," Carson called after him. "I was kidding-."

 "Just wait there. I'll be right back," Auston responded from down the hall, leaving her to let out a huff of defeat. A pout formed on her bottom lip as she waited for him to return and started wondering what it was he could've possibly bought. Carson began to think back to their first Christmas together and how she insisted on him not buying her something because she didn't need anything. Auston argued by asking if she planned on getting him anything, which she already had so that Carson couldn't fight with him about it after that. His gifts to her were always so meaningful, whether it be something he knew she needed or an item he knew she liked but would never buy for herself. He truly was a fantastic gift-giver.

But for some reason, when Auston returned to the living room, he looked nervous. He was very obviously hiding something behind his back that Carson couldn't see, but with the way he licked his lips and was trying to look anywhere but her, she could tell he was overthinking, giving her whatever it was he held onto.

"Aus," Carson said softly, causing him to snap his gaze to her. "You ok?"

"Yeah," he replied, taking a deep breath. "Just a little nervous is all."

"You have no reason to be, it's just a gift, and I'm sure I'll love it."

"It's more than just a gift, I guess," he explained and walked towards her, making sure not to break eye contact. "Put a lot of thought into this one."

"Auston.." She started but trailed off as he reached out to link his hand with hers and pull her closer.

"I didn't wrap it, though, so you'll have to forgive me."

Carson didn't answer, just gave him a confused look as he bit down on his bottom lip and smiled. He then brought his other hand in front of him to reveal a small velvet box. However, Auston didn't miss a beat and quickly let go of her hand so that he could reach up and open the box, revealing the most stunning diamond ring Carson had ever seen.

"Oh my…" It was all she managed to say as she moved her hands to cover her mouth and look at her boyfriend with teary eyes. "Auston, it's beautiful."

"It comes with a question, too," he smiled as he plucked the ring from its holder and held it closer to her. "Carse, you have made me so insanely happy these years we've been together and continue to do so. I'd be crazy not to want to spend the rest of my life with you, so I guess my question is… will you continue making my selfish ass the happiest man he can be by marrying me?"

A sob left Carson's mouth, and the tears started flowing immensely. She shook her head, still trying to make sure the fact that the man she loved more than anything in the world just asked her to marry him wasn't a dream. Slowly, she opened her eyes to look at him and could tell how anxious he was getting while waiting for a response, so she answered. But, she needed to clarify something as she stared at the ring first. 

"Is that my mom's ring?"

"It is," Auston confirmed, a small breath leaving his mouth. "I, uh, I got it from your dad a couple of months ago. The ring was pretty busted up, but I talked to Nate and Mya to see if they'd be ok with me fixing it, adding a few personal touches and using it to propose."

"Oh my god," Carson sobbed again, thinking about her dad wanting to let Auston take her late mother's wedding ring and Auston asking her brother and sister if he could use it to ask her to marry him. It meant the absolute world to her. "Of course, I'll marry you, Auston. You're crazy to think I wouldn't."

The smile that stretched its way across his mouth before he pulled her in for a deep, loving kiss was something Carson wanted to remember forever. Once he pulled away, Auston tried to play off the fact that he, too, had tears in his eyes as he slid the ring onto her finger and leaned down to kiss her again.

"I love you. So much," Auston muttered against her lips before moving away slightly just so that he could wipe away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

"The feeling's mutual," Carson responded. "I love you more than words can describe."

"Well, that's good, 'cause you're stuck with me now."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

At that, Auston smiled and pulled Carson in for one last hug before suggesting that the two of them head to bed because they'd have to be up in a few short hours. Carson didn't protest and let him lead her down the hall to their bedroom before crawling into bed so she could cuddle up against him. Soon enough, Carson was too tired even to keep her eyes open, but she still couldn't help the smile that remained on her mouth as she fell asleep next to her fiancé.

[concussed-to-pieces]

Whether It Works Out Or Not; Back In The Cage

Fandom: Red Dead Redemption 2

Pairing: High Honor!Arthur Morgan/Named OFC

Rating: Holy shit T.

AN: Okay I promise I swear this is the last bonus chapter until I finish the game. I swear.

[Spoiler warning for the first four chapters of the game!]

Tag List: @huliabitch​ @cookiethewriter​ @pedrosbigdorkenergy​ @thirstworldproblemss​ @anonymouscosmos​ @culturalrebel​ @karmezii​ @teaofpeach​ @crookedmoonsaultpunk​ @wrestlingfae​ @zombiexbody​ @nelba​ @scribblenotes76​ @toxiicpop​ @mstgsmy​ @misty-possum​ @gallowsjoker​ @midnightbeauty35​ @lackofhonor​ @renegademustelid​

Part One: Strangers

Part Two: Friends

Part Three: More

Bonus One: A Brief Diversion

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: For allusions to character death, mentions of previous abuse, historical inaccuracies and my poorly-remembered French. Stay safe!]

She felt a bit silly in her outfit.

Of course, she didn't need to display as such. "Tastefully understated," she had said to herself in the mirror with a firm nod. It was the fawn-brown dress (admittedly, it was the only dress she currently owned), but she had scraped together the funds for some light trimmings and alterations. A flounce of lace around the hem, a small length of lovely cream ribbon at the waist. The corset, while unwanted, would be expected, practically required in polite company, and even secondhand it was by far the most expensive piece of the puzzle. After that, everything else seemed to fall into place.

Irene Carson (née Craft) arrived at the ball astride Bluster, her hair crowned with a plethora of vanilla flowers and one single spider orchid. The buttermilk buckskin had been curried to within an inch of his life, and sported a matching cluster of vanilla flowers in his mane. He behaved remarkably well given all the hubbub, not putting up any fuss when he was taken from her to be stabled for the evening.

Irene had no elaborate hat to wear, no fantastical feathered monstrosity, so she had made do with what she could find. The flowers would be out of fashion, but they would suit her understated attire a bit better. Perhaps she could be fashionably unfashionable, ahead of the curve.

"I will not be on the list, but please tell Mayor Lemieux that it is the Widow Carson." She politely informed the man with the list at the gate, doing her best to seem calm and collected.

This was a bold move in the normally-subtle social maneuvering of Saint Denis. Attempting to integrate herself back into the gentry was a risky strategy, but a recent realization had convinced her of the necessity of such a move. 

Arthur had made an excellent point. That house had sat silent for long enough. It was time for her to take what spoils she could, time for her to think of the future. Hardly fair that she should escape her dismal marriage with nothing but the clothes on her back!

Tonight would be the first step, provided she could even get past the door. 

As luck would have it, the mayor himself, Henri Lemieux, came out to verify her claim. "Irene? My dear Mrs. Carson, is it really you?" He asked, all a-fluster. "Let me look at you my dear, let me just…" The man took her by the shoulders, examining her face. "It is you! Mon dieu, Irene, we all thought you had perished! Willie assured us-"

"I am certain he went to great lengths to convince you all of the legitimacy of my death." Irene interrupted him coolly. "However, it would appear that he greatly exaggerated."

"He said you...Irene, my dear, he claimed you committed suicide. He had me thoroughly convinced! But he remarried so quickly, I…" The mayor shook his head in a disapproving manner. "I know more individuals than I alone were skeptical! Oh it is so good to see you again, my dear. Please, you are more than welcome." He offered her his arm, which she took without hesitation. "How have you been, my cheré? Your hair is so short, so fashionable! I see you have been taking cues from our sister city of Paris, ne c'est pas?" 

"Naturellement, my dear sir." Irene replied, offering him a soft smile. "I know I will look somewhat out of place in your party. Please forgive my impropriety, but when the news of Willie's passing reached me...I so longed to see you all again, I could not stay away."

"Nonsense, you have nothing to apologize for!" The mayor scolded her lightly, patting her arm. "You have returned from the dead, our very own Lazarus wreathed in flowers like a Belgian-crafted nymph! You are most welcome at our little fête, dear girl. I daresay, after whatever it was that you went through, you are quite justified in a night of revelry." His heavily-accented voice dipped to a conspiratorial tone, "and you must tell us all about your trials. I am certain you have a grand story indeed!"

"Thank you for your hospitality, my dear Mayor Lemieux. I pray that the road ahead of me is far kinder than the road I have traveled thus far."

…

And here Arthur had thought that them playing lawmen was as foolish as they could get. 

He couldn't even believe some of the stunts Dutch was willing to pull for the sake of networking or contacts. The bunch of them looked like damn circus animals in their tuxedos and white ties, and Bill in particular seemed aggressively uncomfortable. Just getting him to bathe had been a struggle. 

Arthur personally had been downright henpecked by Grimshaw and Tilly, the two of them doing their damnedest to tame his thick, unruly mane with a comb and the vestiges of some pomade. All the while Abigail alternated between telling him he would cause every woman at the ball to swoon and bemoaning his stubble. He had shaved yesterday, damn it, and he wasn't going to shave again!

Lord, they were all fools.

Hosea was the only one who seemed to be even remotely at ease, the elderly man already maneuvering his way to the balcony above the courtyard before Dutch had even managed to find Bronte so they could 'pay their respects'. Bill just followed Hosea like a lost puppy.

Arthur didn't have to understand Italian to know that Senor Bronte was insulting them right out the gate. Neither did Dutch, if the tense smile he gave Angelo while they conversed was any indication. 

Arthur was slightly entertained by the panic that flitted across the waiter's face when the larger man ended up catching his arm to use the match originally lit for Dutch's cigar. Never mind that Arthur had had to cut his own cigar with his damn teeth, he was used to doing that shit. Used to falling by the wayside in the gregarious presence of Dutch Van Der Linde. But he wasn't about to let this stuffed-shirt little cocktail carrier get away with ignoring him scot-free. An uncut cigar he could excuse, but an unlit one? That was sacrilege. 

The courtyard was teeming with people, illuminated by the soft glow from crisscrossing strands of fashionable Edison bulbs. There were so many ornate gowns, elaborate hats and stiff-necked suits, Arthur scarcely knew where to look. "Mingle, Arthur." Dutch ordered in an undertone, giving him a concealed shove from behind. "Steal nothing unless it's information."

Arthur sighed, straightened his white tie with the air of a man set before the gallows, and slowly descended into what reminded him of how educated folks would describe an active volcano. The courtyard was a maelstrom of activity, the dull roar punctuated by the mosquito-esque whine of a string quartet. God, what he would give to be out with Irene in the hills instead, listening to her play the fiddle for the wolves.

He shook his head at himself. Again with this nonsense, thinking about her every time he heard violin music. 

He gritted his teeth and approached a group of women, seizing a bottle of champagne off one of the tables as he went. Arthur Morgan was not a smart man, but if there was one thing he knew, it was that folk were more inclined to think charitably towards you if you brought them alcohol. 

"Ladies, might I offer you some champagne?" Arthur asked, knowing his speech was stilted at best as he tried to choke his drawl down. The trio of women seemed to buy it though, simpering and preening while calling him a gentleman. 

That was a lie, and Lord was it a bold one. Though, looking around at the so-called polite company, Arthur felt less like the villain that he was and more like a sheep that had wandered into a wolf's den. 

Maybe a nest of vipers would be more accurate. 

Either way, the large man wasn't used to feeling like prey. As he made his rounds slowly across the courtyard, complimenting outlandish hats and offering his input on the most recent theatre performances (which he had absolutely no clue about), Arthur experienced the distinct sensation of the noose tightening around his neck yet again. Saint Denis was far too civilized for the likes of the Van Der Linde gang. It was only a matter of time before they were rooted out, sent scampering into the night like the vermin they were or slaughtered without quarter.

Lord, this place made him long for the open country.

He bumped into Hosea and Dutch shortly after he had rescued a rail-thin man from choking to death on some peanuts, the two elders of the gang looking like they were plotting something.

"Figure anythin' out yet?" Arthur asked softly.

"Maybe, Arthur. You see that group of folks over by the fountain? That fellow with the tall top hat is the mayor himself." Dutch pointed the man out, gesturing with his cigar.

"So?" Arthur muttered. 

"So, my dear boy, ingratiating ourselves with the mayor's little band will no doubt do wonders for our credibility." 

"Dutch, if the mayor is already cozy in Bronte's pocket like we are, what's even the damn point?" Arthur queried, trying not to sound as sulky as he felt.

Dutch sighed heavily and Hosea quickly interjected, "it's not necessarily the mayor that's our target, Arthur. Rather, the group of people with him. We are attempting to make as many friends as we can, if you recall."

The large man nodded. "Shoah, I guess. You want me to mosey over and...what was the word? Ingrate myself?"

"Ingratiate Arthur, dear Lord." Dutch huffed.

"Right, yeah. Usual fake name?"

"Of course, my dear boy!" Hosea replied brightly, smiling and patting him on the back. "You may have some luck with the woman he has alongside him. From what I can gather, she's stolen the show a bit. The Widow Carson, back from the dead!" He chuckled, oblivious to the way Arthur froze. "Apparently she's returned to attempt to claim her deceased husband's money. Some nasty business, for certain."

"See if you can get into her good graces, Arthur. A wealthy benefactor could do the gang wonders." Dutch instructed absently, already back to scanning the crowds. 

"Her good--Dutch what the hell are you sayin'?!" Arthur hissed, his stomach knotting as a nasty sense of comprehension slowly dawned on him.

"Oh go on Arthur, just pour on the charm! I know you can do it." Hosea encouraged, misinterpreting the source of Arthur's discomfort. The older man gave him a gentle nudge and Arthur found himself sent on his way.

A wealthy benefactor. Was it Irene? Was Irene really here? More importantly, was Arthur shameless enough to accomplish what Dutch had requested of him?

A wealthy benefactor. His skin crawled and Arthur suddenly felt disgusting as he realized that, were it not for his suspicion that the Widow Carson was indeed Irene, he would not have any sort of particular qualms about being asked to do something like this.

Is it Irene? All he could see from his current position was Mayor Lemieux's top hat. He loitered beside a garish floral arrangement for a few moments, trying his best to get himself under control. He was Arthur Morgan, the enforcer of the Van Der Linde gang for fuck's sake! He had survived countless trials before this, surely he could manage speaking to a woman at a party!

Arthur growled under his breath, clenched his fists, and slowly approached the group by the fountain.

"-cheré, you must continue with your story! Ferdinand, stop interrupting, I beg of you!" The mayor was chiding one of the other men standing there, his voice luxuriantly heavy with a French accent. 

The other man, whose complexion was bright red (whether from drink or passion, Arthur could not yet discern), scoffed at the mayor. "Her tale is rife with inaccuracies, Henri! We knew Willie, he would never-"

"Unless you too visited him in his bedchambers, Ferdinand, I suggest you keep your observations to yourself."

Irene. Oh Lord, Irene, flowers woven into her hair like she was a damn forest spirit out of those old Greek tragedies. It was like time had stopped for Arthur as he took in every detail. God, he was startled all over again by just how much he had missed her. She was in that dress, the one she had worn in Valentine. But wonder of all wonders, she appeared to be fully-laced this evening. Arthur swallowed hard, tearing his eyes away from the shapely curve of her hips. The way her corset held and molded her body into something devastating, a weapon normally concealed from him by men's clothing…

Well, he was a red-blooded American. Unfortunately right now, he had to try his damnedest to temper that particular truth about his nature.

"It ain't complex, Lemieux, and only an idiot like you, buddy, would try to make it so!" Ferdinand continued over what Irene had been saying, sloshing the liquor in his glass dangerously close to that beautiful dress. Irene's brown eyes were fairly crackling with restrained fury, color high in her cheeks as she endured being near this loathsome character. She looked magnificent. Arthur wished he could kiss her, right then and there.

"I will not deny idiocy sir, but perhaps now is not the time." The mayor tried to settle Ferdinand down by placating him, however the outspoken man didn't seem to get the hint.

"Typical pansy!"

"You are drunk, Ferdinand." Lemieux stated disapprovingly.

"I'm not drunk, you fool...but this man! This man loves damsels-"

"Ferdinand, your behavior is becoming unseemly." Irene said through clenched teeth. Arthur had a nasty feeling that he knew exactly what Ferdinand had been about to say before Irene cut him off. "Not to mention utterly irrelevant to the topic at hand. Must you constantly inflict your heinous presence upon polite company?"

"Hey hey, you are pretty drunk." Arthur chose that moment to intervene, draping his arm nonchalantly around the belligerent man's shoulders and pinning Ferdinand's arm behind his back after a momentary adjustment. "What's say you and me cool off?" He 'suggested' cheerily, strong-arming the drunkenly-protesting Ferdinand off to the gazebo at the rear of the courtyard. Giving the man a rough shove, Arthur stated (much more rationally than he felt like being at the moment), "sit down and calm down. Count to a thousand. Then, you can rejoin the party."

...

"Thank you sir!" Henri said sincerely, shaking Arthur's hand upon his triumphant return sans one loudmouth. 

"My pleasure." The tawny-haired man replied with a boyish grin. Lord, if she had thought he looked dashing before-! Irene was tempted to feign a swoon. Arthur had clearly been blessed by a trip to the tailor, of that much she was certain. The black suit coat accentuated his broad shoulders and narrow waist in equal measure, leaving him imposingly proportionate in a way that was incredibly tasteful. She was sorely pressed to keep her eyes from wandering, realizing vaguely that Henri was introducing himself.

"Henri Lemieux. I hope you are enjoying my party?"

"The mayor!" Arthur said with an air of surprise, as if he had not known. Irene didn't buy it for a second. Though she was grateful for his timely arrival, she had to wonder why he was here. Did Arthur Morgan have friends in high places?

"Allegedly!" Henri replied with a modest chuckle. "And you are?" 

"Tacitus Killgore, at your service." Irene blinked. That was unexpected. What an elaborate fake name, but he said it so confidently! "This is quite a place you've got here." Arthur continued the conversation, his drawl a touch off. Like he was deliberately attempting to soften it.

"It's not mine, and the city is horribly in debt, but we still can put on a good show." Henri gestured after a moment to the man on his right. "Do you know Evelyn Miller, Monsieur Killgore?"

"My Lord. The writer?" Arthur appeared legitimately awed now, shaking Mr. Miller's hand. Irene could understand that awe, Miller was a revered and respected author amongst the folk in the untamed wilderness of the new States. She herself had been simply soaking up the man's educated palaver like a sponge until Henri urged her to begin sharing her trials.

"Ah, and of course! Our unexpected but most welcome guest, Madame the Widow Irene Carson." Henri introduced her with an elaborate flourish of his hand, making her laugh. "She has been regaling us with the exciting tale of her return to life! It is fascinating to hear."

"Enchanté, Mister Killgore." Irene said, smiling and offering Arthur a quick curtsy. Again, out of fashion, and a bit difficult with the added restriction of her corset, but the quaint gesture had always been preferable to a nod as far as she was concerned. If only that bath girl hadn't been so thorough in lacing her!

Arthur bowed, took her hand and touched it to his lips chastely. "The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Carson." Her murmured, blue eyes boring into her own. Irene suddenly felt incredibly warm, despite her no-doubt constricted blood flow. "A return to life, you said? Have you been travelin' abroad then, ma'am?"

"Oh no sir, I'm afraid it's been nothing quite so delightful as that." Irene demurred. "Rather trying, in all honesty."

"Truly, it is a sordid affair. Her own husband, claiming she had perished!" Henri shook his head, looking appropriately distraught. "Ghastly. Then, Willie marrying that other woman so fast, and her turning out to be a murderer...well, it is like something from a cheap novel!"

"How awful that experience must have been for you, my lady." Arthur said softly. "Might I listen to the rest of the story, or are you weary of tellin' such a tale?"

"I'm afraid there is not overmuch left to tell, Mister Killg-"

"Please, ma'am, call me Tacitus." He insisted, his eyes bright with their secret joke. 

Irene couldn't help her smile in reply. "Of course, Tacitus. But as I was saying, there is not much to tell. I have spent most of my exile cowering in a cabin out in the mountains, shivering to death or roasting alive." She had tried so very hard to dumb down the tale, doing her best to make it seem like she was still the frail and fragile Mrs. Carson.

"It sounds like you have endured quite a bit of hardship, ma'am." Arthur's lips quirked upwards at the corner, his smile faint but still there. "It's a miracle you managed to survive! A delicate li'l thing like you, all alone out there in that dangerous wilderness." His voice dipped low enough to make her shiver. "Especially with such...reprehensible folk about these days."

Like me, his gaze seemed to say, the heat in that look reminding Irene of when he had kissed her at the stables.

"Exactly what I said, Monsieur Tacitus! Irene, you were so rash! I know that you believed you had no recourse, and I must apologize for my own complacency regarding Willie's abhorrent behavior, but surely there was another way!" The mayor scolded her.

"I am so very sorry, Henri. Next time I am kept prisoner in my own house, I'll be certain to send you a messenger pigeon." Irene retorted wryly, making Henri sputter as Arthur outright laughed. Ah, that laugh! She would have gladly borne her troubles in silence had she known such a delightful sound would someday grace her ears.

Irene was struck anew by the providence of her whole situation while she watched Arthur do his best to play at high society. She had not often been afforded the privilege to observe him, instead of the other way around. His blue eyes caught the amber light quite marvelously, his jaw shaded with stubborn stubble that gave him just the tiniest hint of wildness, of untamed danger. Enough to make him appealing to many of the women present. Irene wasn't sure if she should be flattered or concerned about the amount of time he was spending with the mayor and, by proxy, herself. 

She was growing increasingly lightheaded from the squeeze of her corset and was just about to ask Henri if she could impose upon his hospitality for a brief reprieve to adjust herself when abruptly, the butler approached to inform Mayor Lemieux that he had another phone call from the tycoon, Leviticus Cornwall. 

Henri waved the man off as fireworks began to erupt overhead. Irene, noting how Arthur watched the butler depart a touch more narrowly than one might in polite company, dared to place a hand on his arm. "Tacitus, my dear, you play your cards too openly." She whispered, her words making Arthur grimace. "May I ask you to escort me upstairs? I fear all this excitement has me feeling a bit short of breath."

…

"Tacitus-" Irene gasped his fake moniker at the top of the stairs, groping the wall for some kind of support. "I realize this is very forward of me, but I must beg for your assistance in loosening these damned--" She paused for air. "Lord, I fear I will swoon. This is so tight-"

"Okay, easy now." Arthur murmured, privately marveling at how large his hands looked on her cinched waist when he steadied her. "I gotcha', Irene. It's alright." 

She didn't appear to be exaggerating for his sake. The walk up the stairs had nearly done her in, it would seem. She was incredibly pale, and trembling slightly. He had assumed that she was just playing along for whatever reason, the two of them stalking the butler for fun or profit, but it was evident now that she had no such ulterior motives.

Arthur picked a door at random, immensely thankful that the room behind it was a parlour of sorts. Irene all but collapsed on the chaise, her fingers clumsy with the tiny buttons that ran the length of the front of her dress. Arthur rushed to assist after he made certain to lock the door, feeling a little frantic at the way Irene was wheezing for air.

"You're okay, you're okay, we'll get you loosened up." He tried to calm her (and himself), working on the next button in the line. "Front or back lacing, Irene?"

"Back." Her voice had gone pitchy. "I--she laced me very well."

"I know, shh, gimme' a minute." Arthur soothed, willing himself to relax. This wasn't any sort of terrible scenario, this was mundane compared to how his life usually was! How the hell was it that his hands were shaking more over getting a woman undressed than being shot at by the law?!

The two of them managed to peel the dress down over her shoulders far enough to let Arthur maneuver his hands in between her chemise and corset to loosen her laces. Slowly, carefully, he worked his way down, gradually slacking the binds. He didn't want to just undo the whole damn thing, that would leave her to endure the remainder of the party with her bosom unfettered and as appealing as that was to him, he knew that the gentry would tear her apart for it. 

"Any better?" He asked after a moment, relieved when she nodded. 

Then, "I didn't think you would actually help me." She admitted softly, holding her dress closed in the front. Arthur was stunned. "I assumed you were going to follow his retainer." Irene turned to look at him after a moment. "Why are you here, Arthur?"

Lord, he felt like a sinner on Judgement Day. Pinned by the weight of an angel's stare, all he could do was try to tell her the truth. "My...associates and I are...well, we need leads, Miss Irene. Senor Bronte, in exchange for our...services, cut us a deal for invitations to this ball. And uh, I suppose that's it." He said awkwardly. "I didn't expect you to be here, I figured you'd have headed for the Grizzlies by now."

Irene shrugged. "I thought long and hard about what you said during our last meeting. Me not taking everything that wasn't nailed down, that is." She squared her shoulders stiffly, trying to straighten her dress out. "I decided it was time to take back what's rightfully mine, propriety be damned."

Arthur put his hands on her shoulders, slipping the dress back down to reveal bare, freckled skin. He breathed her name, ducking his head to drop a kiss on the nape of her neck and feeling her shiver. His next words caught in his throat. How could he do something like that to her? 

A wealthy benefactor, Dutch had said, like it was an afterthought. Like she wasn't a person, but a resource. A tool.

Because that was all she would be to Dutch, Arthur realized grimly. A silly woman for them to string along, someone with deep pockets and a trusting heart. She wasn't Irene to Dutch or Hosea, she was the Widow Carson. A naive young widow, beautiful and lonely and (possibly) about to come into some significant money. The perfect target for a good old-fashioned seduction.

Lord, he had almost preferred feeling like prey earlier to this sudden cold understanding of how his companions (and even he himself, to a lesser degree) saw people like Irene. 

"You look beautiful tonight, Irene." He murmured instead. 

"Don't tease me, Arthur." Irene retorted sharply. "I am an utter mess. I look like a child playing dress up amongst all the immaculate gowns down there." She then sniffled, the noise almost too soft for him to hear. "I very nearly fainted dead away because I haven't worn one of these blasted things in almost a year! What kind of proper lady can't even endure the simplest of corsets?" 

"The kind that doesn't need one to turn every damn head in the room." Arthur said gruffly, a hand beneath her chin tilting her head back so he could see her face. Her brown eyes shone with frustrated tears. "You're beautiful, woman. Why the hell don't you believe it?"

"A majority of my marriage was punctuated by people who felt the need to inform me that I was attractive 'for my age', Arthur. I'm old, I'm nearly thirty. No man wants a wife that old. My father was hard-pressed to marry me off when I was twenty-four, can you even imagine what folk might say to a man who would court me in my thirties?" Irene shook her head despondently. "I...I don't know what I'm doing, Arthur." She confessed suddenly. "I am terrified. If I put effort into taking whatever might be left and it turns out to all be for naught, I don't know what I'll do!" Her hands twisted in her skirts. "I'll be back to where I was before." 

Arthur wasn't certain he understood what the issue was. She had seemed happy out in the wilderness. Hell, she had insisted upon her happiness. What had brought on this change, this desire for stability and financial security? He was thoroughly confused. "I don't know what to tell you, Irene." He said finally. 

"I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even brought it up." Irene apologized. "It's hardly your concern, Mister Tacitus." She tried to tease, daubing at her eyes with her sleeve and then starting to button her dress back up. "Just the worries of a silly woman whose age is catching up with her, I suppose."

Arthur caught her wrist to stop her, pressing a kiss to the inside of it like he had done so many times before. Her pulse tripped and hammered beneath his lips, galloping wildly. "Irene, you are beautiful." He sighed, his fingertips grazing her exposed collarbone when he palmed her shoulders from behind. "Everyone down there knows it. I know it. You could have your pick of fellers downstairs if that's what you're so worried about."

"It's such a fleeting thing, Arthur." She whispered. "When it is gone, if I cannot reclaim any of Willie's estate...I'll have nothing and no one."

Arthur wanted to die. He wanted to grab her shoulders and embrace her and say you'll have me, God damn it! But he knew he couldn't promise her that, as much as he wanted to. Hell, getting truly involved with him would no doubt cut her life short. That fear was what kept him from speaking, no matter how badly he wished to assure her. Even after the tender moments they had spent together in the wilds, now, when it would have made a difference, he was unable to offer any sort of meaningful comfort. 

Arthur closed his eyes, cursing himself roundly. "You don't mean that, Irene. The mayor seems-"

"Henri was perfectly willing to overlook my abuse when Willie was funding his campaign. All of them down there were complacent." Irene interjected, her tone one of barely-bridled fury. "Politicians and the elite are of no use to me, Arthur, for I am of no use to them."

Fair enough, Arthur mused. "So what are you gonna' do, then?"

"I'm going to try and bring my case to the attention of the courts. Willie was an only child, which is the sole reason I may still have a chance to receive something for my trouble." Irene's shoulders slumped and Arthur dug his fingers in, silently working out a few of the knots she seemed to have created in her muscles. 

"I hope it goes accordin' to plan for you, then." He said finally. 

"As do I." Irene took his hand, leading him around to the front of the chaise. "I have missed you, Arthur Morgan." She said simply. Sweet and honest. 

He was a fool.

Arthur felt like cheap gold leaf as he greedily buried his hands in her hair, sending one of the vanilla blossoms tumbling to the floor when he did. He felt like a veneer of class spread thin on his thieving bones, he felt like a liar. This vision of a woman, this divine being who trusted him so readily...

This time would be the last. It would have to be. If Dutch found him out, if his pre-established closeness to the Widow Carson was discovered, Arthur knew that Dutch would tell him to bleed her dry.

And Arthur, the kind, loyal man that he was, would do it. Because loyalty was everything.

…

Arthur was troubled. Even through her own worries, Irene could see that. She threaded her fingers through the shaggy locks at the nape of his neck, whispering his name. "What's wrong, Arthur?"

"I...I can't keep doin' this, Irene." He confessed, those blue eyes stormy with emotion. "I can't keep draggin' you down with me. You deserve so much more than a man who you don't really know, a man who's here an' gone again. It ain't right."

"I don't much care what I deserve, Arthur Morgan." Irene said tartly. "If you want me, I am here. You have yet to cause me harm in any of our endeavors, which is more than I can say for my prior partner." She tugged at the back of his neck, bringing their foreheads together. "If you want me, Arthur, I am here."

"Irene," he grated out, cupping her face, "I'm a bad man. I've done a whole heap of turrible things. I ain't the kind of man that you should be lettin' anywhere near you."

"And despite all of that, I'm beneath you on a chaise in the mayor's upstairs drawing room." Irene replied dryly. "Honestly Arthur, I thought you knew by now that my intuition is quite dreadful."

"Irene-" 

"You are remarkably poor at displaying any sort of reluctance, Mister Arthur." It felt like icy fingers were creeping their way down her spine. Had he finally decided that whatever they were, it wasn't worth his time? She could hardly blame him, of course! She was a currently-penniless widow. She had offered herself freely in the past; he owed her nothing, just as she owed him nothing.

"Because I ain't reluctant!" Arthur exclaimed. "I'm...Christ, Irene, I want this. I want you, so much that it hurts. But the life I lead ain't got a chance in it for a happy, fairytale endin' where I get to live out my days in peace. I have people I need to take care of, and you have a life of your own to finally start livin'." He stated firmly. "So for both our sakes, we can't...continue."

"At the very least," Irene begged, her thumbs stroking the familiar scar on his chin while she peppered his face with light pecks, "may we still be friends, Arthur?"

"Irene…" Arthur breathed, tilting his face to the side and kissing her until she was dizzy. "You've given me so damn much, woman. Given me hope, and beauty, and music. My friendship ain't worth spit compared to what you've done for me."

Irene shook her head, blinking back her tears. "I'm the one that ought to be saying that, Mister Arthur!" She protested. "I wish there was more I could do to repay the kindness you've shown me."

"Miss Irene, all the payment I ask for is that you go and live your life to the fullest extent. Take tenfold from that son of a bitch what he took from you." Arthur swept back some of the curls on her forehead, the gesture achingly tender. "Do that, and you'll be paid up, alright?" He murmured.

Irene took his hand and kissed his knuckles, feeling the pronounced lines of old abrasions on the skin when she did. "Don't give up, Arthur. There is someone out there who will be worth it to you." She told him, her voice trembling a bit as she struggled to get the words out. "Someone who will see you for how kind and loyal you are and instead of taking advantage of it, they'll cherish it. Guard you close to their heart like a jealous little secret." Her smile was tentative, "that's what I would do, anyway."

Arthur cursed under his breath, shoving his thigh gracelessly between her legs. "Irene." He said her name and it was an oath, a prayer. Whether for himself or for her, she couldn't say. 

"Yes, Arthur?" Irene replied softly. 

"If you hear about me in the future, if…" he hesitated, clearing his throat as he drew his index finger studiously down the side of her face. "If somethin' happens, don't pay it any mind, alright? Remember me just like this. All gussied up in this frippery, lookin' like the world's most uncomfortable trained bear." He tried to laugh, but it sounded hollow. "Can you do that for me? Please?"

"As long as you remember me like I was in the wilds." Irene was pleased when he smiled. "All filthy, with twigs in my hair."

"The Irene of my dreams has always been the one from the wilderness." Arthur confessed quietly. "This is lovely, don't get me wrong." He continued, giving her skirts a playful tweak. "But you out in the forests, playin' your violin for the wolves an' howlin' at the moon...that's the Irene I think about." The man cleared his throat again after a moment, looking away. "Now, let's get you put to rights. Buttoned up and all that. I figure it'll be best if I go back first. Hopefully folk won't be too suspicious. Shit, I don't even know how long we been gone for." He swore, grumbling a little as he struggled to help her with the tiny buttons on her dress.

Irene giggled, feeling a bit hysterical. "Oh heavens, what they will think of me! My husband hardly cold in the ground and now I'm enjoying an absolutely scandalous rendezvous with a handsome stranger. I'll be the talk of Saint Denis for weeks!"

"Woman, if you don't quit your funnin'..." Arthur huffed, a wry grin pulling at his mouth seemingly in spite of himself. 

Irene rubbed her forehead against his own, smiling a bit wistfully. "Shall I ever see you again, Mister Arthur?"

"For your sake, I sure as hell hope not." Arthur replied bluntly. "Bad luck seems to follow the folks I hang around with."

…

He hadn't entirely lied. He did leave ahead of her. However, he didn't return to the party immediately. 

Instead, Arthur ducked into the study he had seen that butler enter when he and Irene were making their way up the stairs. A few minutes of pointed rummaging and a jimmied lock on the desk drawer later, Arthur Morgan (or rather, Tacitus Killgore) was the proud owner of various interesting, incriminating documentation. Leviticus Cornwall. Arthur barely resisted the urge to spit on command when he so much as thought the man's name. 

Footsteps passed by the door and he froze, pressing himself back against the bookcases until whoever it was had descended down the stairs. 

Hopefully, this information would please Dutch to the point where he would forget about Widow Carson. Arthur just wished that he could forget about Widow Carson. Irene. 

Maybe...maybe if she was still in the drawing room, he could explain. Maybe there was still time. It would be dangerous, of course, but she deserved the truth. She deserved to know why he couldn't promise her anything aside from a life of fear and misery. Shit, at the very least she deserved to know why he was cutting her loose!

Arthur left the study and retraced his steps to the drawing room, his heart in his throat and her name on the tip of his tongue. Irene--

But she was gone. 

The chaise was vacant, lonely in the cluttered room. Through the open French doors to the balcony, the sounds of the party below filtered in like something from another world. He stalled in the doorway for a moment, uncertain of what to do. An object on the floor by the chaise caught his attention and Arthur stepped forward. 

It was one of the vanilla flowers from her hair, the blossom sitting forlorn and abandoned next to the leg of the chaise. He scooped it up with all the care someone like him could muster, tenderly examining the fragile, bruised petals. Then, Arthur slipped it into the pocket of his suit coat.

Much, much later that evening (technically the next damn morning), when he was bedding down at Shady Belle, he delicately extracted the worn flower and proceeded to tuck it between two blank pages of his journal.

Irene, he wrote at the very bottom of the page, and then, in another life, if I was a better man, we could have been so happy together. Instead, I have to push you away to keep you -safe-.

What a fool I am.

The following page bore a loose, flowing sketch of her on the chaise, staring up at him while she clutched the front of her gown closed at her chest. The fierce look on her face that he had tried valiantly to capture on paper didn't hold a candle to the real thing. Irene Craft, he wrote, then scribbled out her name and instead put, -Politicians and the elite are of no use to me, Arthur, for I am of no use to them.-

Mayor Onry Lemieux's party.

Winter’s Cold: Part One