#go to twitter if you want to yap about something that stupid

[ghost-bleus]

”if you like this character you are a horrible person-“ LET PEOPLE HAVE THEIR FUN WHO GIVES A SHIT ITS NOT A REAL PERSON

[opennwindows]

If you can, could I request BEN Drowned fluff / smut headcanons like about himself, with his headcanon age, hobbies, facts, what he is into or would like & want in a relationship, and what he would be like with a gamer girlfriend/ s/o?

If ya taking requests rn still?✨😇😊💖

Ben Drowned general + NSFW hcs

A/N: yes!! absolutely. i love getting to talk about how the pastas do their pastaing in my mind. i have so many headcanons for everyone that im excited to share!! also sorry i forgot to include the gamer gf part but i don't think it would change a lot of what i wrote!!

btw sorry for fucking dying i have been busy 😭😭 but no one worry i will still continue to work on requests!! if anyone has any marble hornets stuff they wanna request i will zoom you to the front of the queue so fucking quick. anyways enough of me yapping.

cw: 18+ nsfw, toxic relationships, crying kink,

GENERAL

ben is mentally and physically 22, but he can be quite emotionally immature at times. when he died he never stopped growing and maturing, his soul was just stuck in limbo. think like the worst waiting room ever.

he's surprisingly tall, standing at about 5'9. he's lanky but not bone thin. could easily get pretty far in a fight without his ghost powers.

the link costume only appears when he’s in his ghost form. so for example, when he’s messing with someone on their computer he’ll appear as the canon BEN we’re most familiar with. when he’s just chilling in his physical body, he mostly wears beat up hoodies and sweatpants.

contrary to popular belief, ben's not the hardcore gamer everyone thinks he is. sure, he'll play some overwatch or whatever when he's bored but he honestly just prefers to watch tv and browse the internet. understandably REFUSES to play any zelda games. if you were trapped in a video game for decades would you ever wanna touch it again? exactly.

ben loves to draw little comics and troll (see: horrifically traumatize) people online. god forbid you get into twitter beef with this man because he will crawl through your monitor at 3am and leave you with a crippling fear of technology. dude thinks it's absolutely hilarious. a true knee slapper.

lowkey has a sugar addiction. will slam down 4 cans of pepsi in one sitting. he's very lucky that he's basically a ghost because the kidney stones would be plentiful.

ROMANTIC

you know that guy with the blown out speakers in his car, lives off of energy drinks and burnt blue razz ice elfbars, swears aphex twin is the modern mozart and works on the grill at your local wendy’s? yeah thats ben. or at least would be him if he was still human.

“why would you need a chair, my lap is literally right here babe.”

would absolutely wear your skin if given the opportunity. not in a weird way. he’s just EXTREMELY touchy.

he needs someone who is significantly more organized and motivated than him. he can go almost a week without showering and it should honestly be considered biological warfare when he tries to smother you with affection during these episodes.

after awhile of you guys dating he LOVES the idea of y’all showering together. he has a fear of water and while showers aren’t too much of a trigger, your presence helps ease his anxiety.

favorite pet names: bro, dude, dawg, babe, bitch (non derogatory)

not really a romantic but he tries his best. a perfect date for him is just getting some takeout, watching youtube, talking about stupid shit and play fighting. if you want something more traditional or extravagant then he’ll oblige to make you happy but those types of dates make him feel quite suffocated and nervous. try to save those for special occasions.

now let’s talk about his problems because just like the other creeps he is ANGSTY.

he’s probably the most emotionally stable and healthiest of the group but he definitely still has his toxic traits, after all this man is a ghost that mentally tortures and kills his victims through manipulation.

ben would never ever get physical with his partner no matter how enraged he is but he absolutely is the type to do some mental damage when he gets carried away. ben drowned? more like ben gaslighted.

the type to say some shit that would keep you up for years and then kiss you the next morning like the argument never happened. he finds it easier to ignore problems than to actively talk and fix them. you’re gonna have to teach him some important communication skills or else you’ll grow to resent him after all the bottled up rage.

a bit too brutally honest and blunt for his own good so if you have thin skin the relationship would fall apart pretty quickly. he wants someone who can drag him twice as hard as he dragged you. bonus points if your insults are consistently funny as hell.

please watch anime with him and discuss it. he would propose on the spot, especially if you play with his hair.

pro player tip: if you want him to clean his disgusting room, help him and make it fun! he just needs a little push and motivation at times. and being around you makes him want to get his shit together.

big fan of late night make-out sessions. i’m talking like 45 minutes straight of just slobbering on each other’s faces with tongues down throats. if you don’t want his hands running over every inch of your body then you’ll probably have to chain him to the wall.

NSFW

okay. so he’s a little inexperienced with his hands. he’s just a slow learner. be vocal with him about what you like!!

ben's about 7inches and slightly skinnier than average but he will have you seeing stars in record time. the dick game is no joke. he tends to go fast and deep most times.

i can see him being a switch in the idgaf-as-long-as-i’m-fucking way. dude will go with the flow and will try mostly anything.

definitely one of the least aggressive pastas during sex. he has sadistic tendencies but he’s more of a edge/overstimulate you until you cry versus a beat the shit out of you and rip hair out of your scalp type. he’s pretty vanilla given his occupation.

despite his love of roasting the fuck out of you on a daily basis, the only words that come out of this man’s mouth is heavenly praise. he looks at you like you’re the most gorgeous being on the planet and he’ll let you know it.

he loves to whisper praises into your ear while you ride him.

he's more of a receiver than a giver when it comes to oral. he'll absolutely spend hours between your legs if given the chance but nothing beats the sight of you on your knees and teary eyed with his length in your mouth.

he can be a bit of a head pusher but just let him face-fuck you every now and then, hearing his loud moans will be worth it.

did i mention how much of a crying kink this man has? you guys could be on round three and if he stares at your teary eyed fucked-out face for longer than 10 seconds he'll immediately get hard again. you'll have to beg him to give your poor body a break.

he's also into choking but only if he's the one doing it. if you try to restrict his breathing he'll panic and the mood would get ruined.

[cartoonsinthemorning]

Ford and stan portal adventures

This is too vague for me to draw, BUT I can yap about it at length. Let's say this is an AU were, after their canonical fight, and activation of the portal, the diverge is that they BOTH get snatched inside. So we have a slowburn scenario were the 28yo twins end up in the multiverse together, having to rely on each other to survive in these bizarro worlds despite hating each other guts, but gradually mending their relationship. Best part of this scenario would be the sexual tension, at the beginning, when they keep have shouting matches but you can tell in good part it's to mask the frustration, because they missed each other and secretly want to make out. They would settle for more punching, turned wrestling match on the floor, turned wrestling with less clothes on. OH and you know what else would be fun, if this was a fanfic written by someone with crazy skills?? If, by the time they finally start to fuck regularly, the weird ass world they end up boning in is somehow integrated into the act. Idk idk, head empty, I can't come up with an example. But my imaginary Chad Writer would come up with something genius.

Now though. Funny coinky-dence that I'm answering to your message now, because just today I've seen a somewhat related fan art that really got my gears going:

So, dude58915 on twitter came up with this version, were 28yo Mullet Stan gets into the portal instead of Ford, but, once there, meets a much older Ford, from yet another dimension. NOW THAT'S what I want to see!! DAMN.

Imagine Stan seeing this masked dude- a suspicious bloke for sure- but still a HUMAN. He'd run after him, telling the mysterious man they should stick together, be a team! He's the only human he's ever seen in DAYS, since he ended up in this creepy shithole! And old!Ford just jerks his arm free from Stan's desperate grip, telling the younger man, coldly, that he's gonna have to make it on his own, before turning around to follow the coordinates on his multi-navigator, leaving Stan alone. Because Ford hates him. Ford hates Stan, even this one, even this Stan that evidently ended up in the portal, punished for his own stupid mistakes, for once. This Stan will die, and he deserves it, and Ford doesn't care. Expect that when he hears Stan scream, as he's getting attacked by some monster, Ford turns around and runs to save him.

And from that moment on, this Ford takes Stan under his wing, taking him to the next dimension with him. Ford's plan is to train this Stan decently enough- all the while keeping his own identity concealed- until the young man is able to fend for himself, and Ford will abandon him for real, this time.

Except that...this Stan doesn't know who Ford is, so he doesn't express any resentment or hate towards him. On the contrary: despite the old men being so cold and sometimes rude to him, resulting in /some/ shouting matches, Stan is grateful, and clearly fascinated by the cloaked man and his knowledge and fighting skills. Stan is like a clingy puppy...and Ford loves it. He would never EVER admit it to himself, but he does. He didn't feel this pleased, this important, in forever. And maybe, he's never seen Stann look at him with this level of adoration before, not even when they were kids. I'm gonna cut it short to the crass part: Stan has daddy issues, and gets incredibly attached to Ford, wants to please him. The "masked man" would inevitably get the hardest boner, feeling so needed, so special, the Sun itself that Stan gravitates around. They'd fuck. HELL, they'd end up making tender love, sometimes. And Ford would need to be extra careful, because he enjoys this docile, obedient Stan sucking his cock (figuratively and physically), and it would be a real shame if Stan was to find out it's just another version of his hated brother, he's ended up worshipping and taking inside him every night. Ford guesses the young man would be quite mad about the truth.

And with this ominous cliffhanger, I'll stop yapping, it's dinner time.

[triglycercule]

who asked for this. nobody. but unfortunately as a creator i actually have to CREATE for my au 😞😞😞😒😒😒 jk fashion au ink and swap designs ig,,,,,,

ink. ink. ink. she's totally not holding a gun to my head as i type this,,,,, because she CANT break the fourth wall ok she totally doesnt realize that she's forever gonna be stuck living life as a high schooler with no chance of ever graduating or progressing in life,,,,, BECAUSE THERE'S NO ANGST IN JK FASHION AU HAAHAHAH 😁😁😁😁 anyways she's soooo silly :3333 i'm not a connoisseur of anyone that's not the mtt (biased 🙂🙂🙂) but i wanted her to be silly but also a bit freakish,,,, ya!

what do the people think about INK???? featuring everyone in jk fashion au so far 😇😇

dream: "ink is another one of my close friends. she's been there for me when even nightmare couldn't, and i've supported her likewise. sometimes her head is in the clouds, so i send her texts to remind her of things like homework and such. maybe she forgets lunch sometimes, so swap and i give her a share of ours. and when ink wants to talk about anything she's thinking of, whether it's a painter's use of color or the reason we exist, i'm always open to listening. she's an amazing person, really."

nightmare: "ink. ah, that girl is an enigma, truly. somedays she supports me on my path to world domination, and other days she just laughs at me and says as if it were a fact that i would never achieve it! ugh... but despite my slight grievances, she's dream's friend, and i've grown fond of her. quite often, without me even requesting, she gifts me paintings. now, they may seem normal at first, but recently i've discovered a pattern with them. as if ink had peered into the mind of god and depicted it visually, the paintings assist me in handling dream appropriately. i must say, she's skilled as well..."

killer: "see now ink? she's my type of gal. we get along pretty well, hehe! we're on the same wavelength or something, i dunno. not like she can predict what i do, but i wouldn't be surprised if she could, but ink and i just click. we talk about all sorts of silly stuff; similar sense of humor, after all. ink and i can yap about different shows and movies we've watched and stuff, she gives really good insight on the more technical stuff like color psychology and framing, and she once drew me art for one of my big follower milestones on twitter! she's suuuuper cool, haha!"

dust: "okay, just... keep this between me and you, but i think ink has some sort of secret sixth sense? i dunno. nothing against her, she's a fun person. just that, uh... sometimes she just comes up to me when i least expect it and starts asking me about my progress on my writing. which is... confusing. i've only ever told killer and horror about my writing, so i don't know how she knows...?"

horror: "y'know, dust and i have a bit of a bet going on. all jokes and all, but i've got a feeling ink's pulling some sort of elaborate spying prank with how much she knows about us... dust doesn't think so. but i'm betting 20 bucks she does. like, once i was at a vending machine and the stupid thing didn't give me my goddamn candy bar, ugh. i had to stay cool. but then ink just pops out of nowhere, says its okay for me to drop the act and get mad around her, and then does some sort of vending machine trick to get the candy?? yeah, she's definitely a wizard or something. in a nice way, i guess."

NOW SWWAAAAAAPPP she's silly. i included the bit of her getting into trouble because of her good will SOLELY because swap gets bullied a lot in other aus 💀 (askerror, something new, etc,,,,,,) i also read a canon underswap doc??? SWAP IS SO SILLY!!!!! i cant really explain her personality through text i'd need to draw comics for her which uhhhh,,,,, (looks away)

THOUGHTS ON SWAP????

dream: "ah, swap! she's one of my dearest friends, i truly care for her deeply. out of sheer coincidence it seems, that she, ink, and i were chosen to be the star students of the school, but surprisingly it works out well... swap's truly a delight. she's a great motivator, and she's saved me from a few situations that would've ended up terribly had she not been there, hehe."

nightmare: "sometimes the world hates me. ah- well, what i meant was, the path of fate has me set on a predetermined path of struggle! and yet, when even i, the queen of negativity, could not stop my kin from slipping on a ridiculously placed banana peel and almost breaking her neck, swap was her knight in shining armor and caught her. needless to say, just as fate despises my bloodline, fate also has angels sent down from heaven. i do suppose swap is one of those, bless her soul."

killer: "heh, swap?? that girl's a riot! couple years ago i tried convincing her to show me some of those sick moves she learned at kickboxing, or karate, taekwondo, whatever... she broke my wrist, haha! but then i pulled a knife on her and then we both got in trouble. hah, good times, good times. no, i didn't stab her?! in fact, she's very good friends with mr. mew and the grumpen, thank you very much! a friend of my kitties is a friend of mine!"

dust: "she's nice. her type of energy is something you only see is like... a sugar-rushed ink, and killer normally. but anyways, swap's a good help around the school. she's a bit ridiculous every now and then with all her "the magnificent swap" and how she's a bit of a showoff, but whatever. aren't we all? anyways, at least the scavenger hunts she makes during school dances are fun."

horror: "swap is uh... she's something. gotta admit, she's pretty normal compared to some of the people at this school. but man... enthusiasm, much? eh, whatever. i'm not the type to complain when her burritos are to die for. we're partners in cooking class... let's just say, she carries us hard."

anyways jk cross and epic soon. sooner than you think heheheh

[kwamiwayzz]

Jeckole Yapping

Had to dig through my old posts to find the template, but I'm bored and doing this again but for Jecka and Nicole this time. Mostly headcanons and such below

__

• When or if I started shipping it:

I'm going to be honest, but I don't remember. I only got into Co09 a few months ago. All I know is that once I watched the out of context videos on Class of '09 and Re-Up, I wanted more content of them and came across a lot of really good fanart and fanfic.

I think there were a lot of boxes checked off when I slowly went down the rabbit hole lol. There's an emotionally constipated dark-girl paired with a preppy blonde girl who acts as the former's foil. I think what really drew me into them, fanart aside, were the foils and parallels between them. The codependency, expanded upon by Progman, was probably the final nail that dragged me down the brainrot.

• My thoughts:

I've known about them for awhile, and thought they were some random white girls in a cult classic VN that somehow regained a surge of popularity last year. I didn't know the VN was relatively new, and most of the time when I do ship Jeckole, it's without the creator in mind. They have a certain flavor to them that hits in a way where I can't stop brainrotting over them.

Someone mentioned this in a fic comment, but they see them as foils when it comes to dealing with people and the world around them--where Nicole acts as this snarling animal that will bite you if you get too close, while Jecka acts as this wall that doesn't allow things to get to her even if it does bother her. In a way, they envy each other for that, and after reading that fic it reinforced why their dynamic is one that I gravitate towards compared to the others. They have pieces of each other that they're missing and they can't live without the other (I love codependent Jeckole).

• What makes me sad about them:

In-game, they probably wouldn't last after high school when they go their separate ways. As much as Nicole sees Jecka as a slightly more "special" person to her than most people at the school, their friendship is more for convenience--with Nicole finding Jecka to be more tolerable and cool compared to everyone else (along with the added bonus of not being a loner), and Jecka finding Nicole more fun to hang around with than all her other school friends despite knowing how much Nicole is a fucked up mess and bad influence. In-game Nicole is also someone who would continue to keep everyone at an arm's length and also wouldn't fight too hard (outside of the Jecka and counselor smoking scene) to maintain any meaningful relationships once they're out of her reach.

But also, who cares what the creator thinks because fanart and fanfic exists lmaoooooo.

• What makes me happy about them:

There's a scene in Flip Side where Nicole calls Jecka first thing in the morning at 7am asking her where McDonald's keeps their frozen patties, only for Jecka to say they don't have them because McD serves breakfast during those hours. Then Jecka calls Nicole stupid, and I just found that scene funny in an oddly comforting way.

Nicole is comfortable enough to bug Jecka and wake her up so early in the morning for something so mundane, while Jecka just stays on the phone listening to whatever antics she's in instead of hanging up immediately and going back to bed. I also mentioned this in another post, but someone on Twitter said the thing they love most about Jeckole is how Nicole was willing to get to know Jecka even after saying she has no desire to make any connections at her new school. It can be interpreted as a convenience thing on Nicole's end, but every route in the original game has her willing to either ask for Jecka's name or share her name when they first meet.

To me, their back and forth dynamic keeps them balanced enough to stay fucked up with the potential of becoming well-adjusted in the future.

• Things done in art/fic that annoys me:

There's a number of interpretations when it comes to the Co09 characters, so I understand it can be hard to write them. But for me personally, I'm not a fan of when Nicole is depicted as either way too nice and uncharacteristically soft or way too mean and following the stereotypical SBN interpretation that "Nicole doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything".

• Things I look for in art/fic:

When they're codependent :) or when they're codependent with a slight chance of them getting healthier over time. Also, just them being stupid together.

I'm also one of the few people (I haven't come across too many others yet) that seek out future Jeckole stuff. Whenever I picture them as adults, it's always aurawra21's art in mind.

• Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

I'm a monoshipper when it comes to Class of '09, so probably no one. It adds to that codependent flavor :) but if you want a real answer...

For Nicole, probably Emily.

For Jecka, probably Emily also.

• My happily ever after for them:

Moving out of their town, healing from their trauma, and getting healthier over time. Maybe they won't be better people exactly, but they'd at least be less fucked up and a little happier (with Nicole finding some will to keep living past 30) after cutting off their toxic families.

• What is their favorite activity?: 

Nicole forcing Jecka to watch Mythbusters and How It's Made with her (in exchange for watching Smallville and Charmed with Jecka). Also, probably smoking together, assuming that Jecka hasn't quit her smoking habit ten years later.

[twyftwyt]

this is going to be a long one, so prepare yourselves, cause I need to get some stuff off my chest

All that’s wrong in the BO fandom and with BO themselves:

1. Proper media training - I think none of the boys in the band, aside from Noah, have proper media training and it shows in interviews. I feel like, with them growing so big over the last year, they need to take some proper time and do that, so we can save each other the little awkward moments where interviewers ask weird questions or make even weirder statements and the guys just sit there looking a little lost.

2. Their crew needs to chill (at times) - Now I understand that every fandom has got their crazies, it’s a part of the lore, but come on! I’ve seen not once or twice, crew members being mean towards the fandom, calling us dumb and whatnot. If I see something I don’t like or find weird/stupid/pointless/delusional, I might share it with my friends, but I won’t go around posting about it on my story/twitter. There are people in this fandom that go overboard and need to be shown the door, but when you show disrespect to one, you show disrespect to all and that, I feel, needs to be stated somewhere. Matt is unnecessarily mean sometimes and so are Steven and other crew members. I feel like if I were in their position, I’d probably want to call out people on their shit too, but no need to do it ALL THE TIME.

3. The band is too closed off - And don’t get me wrong here, I understand and respect boundaries, but it sounds and feels a little contradictory when the lead singer of the band says in an interview that he feels closer to some of the artists he listens to, because he’s read their life story. The irony in that is massive. When you deny fans of little things like posts here and there, sharing a little something personal (example: Dove Cameron, Halsey, Thirty Seconds to Mars are all artists that make and write their own music and I’ve heard at least one story from each of them on how a personal event inspired said song). So when you deny fans of little things like that, you get obsessive people who try ro dig up your personal life, just to feel a bit more connected to your music. Everything can be regulated, I feel, if done and said right.

4. They all (the band and crew) need to collectively accept the fact that the band’s becoming massive, which means that they will attract all kinds of fans. Fans that will be there only for Noah. Fans that will be there only for TikTok hits like “Just Pretend” and whatnot. And they’d benefit so much more from those people if they just knew how to use everything to their advantage. Now one little comment from the crew sets the whole fandom ablaze. They’re not a small town band supporting bigger acts on tour anymore.

ok, I’ll stop yapping now and remember, this is just my opinion, you don’t have to agree with it and you also don’t have to argue with me on it ✌🏻

[phregnancy]

hello i haven’t yapped in your inbox for a while. the post-tit haze in me has died down a month-two ago and i can’t stand 95% of phannies and i know you get me. so. why are people on twitter saying that both dan’s and phil’s letterboxd profiles were meant to be private and we ruined it😭 i think they just let go of it idc they got bored or they wanted to be anonymous whatever i don’t care about their bad opinions of boring movies but you are telling me that they don’t want to be found on letterboxd and their usernames are DIRECTLY related to their yt username DAN’S OLD USERNAME MIND YOU! we ruined it? they didn’t want to be found? have these people entered internet for the first time in their lives? do they assume everyone is equally stupid? your ask message is „don’t start shit” i know this i’m sorry. see it’s the withdrawals. where is wdapteo. where’s dalien. see? now i’m mad. i hope you are having a good day but me personally? i am annoyed

this is mean but i’m continuously shocked by people’s genuine lack of critical thinking skills, like thinking that public figure AmazingPhil would name his super secret private account AmazingPhilm. i assume these are people who haven’t been here for a while because at one point we were aware that they had secret alt instagrams and snapchat accounts and i thiink facebooks that no one could find (but knew they had because they had posted filters and referenced some random things) because when they want something to be private - they don’t make it glaringly obvious that it’s them. do these people think they still use amazingphil@gmail.com and danisnotonfire@gmail.com as their private personal emails too? come on now.

[familyromantic]

Hello! For the contest, not necessarily to compete but just because I want to spread propaganda for them- Also sending from main because my whole blog is pretty much them atp lmao

yhyj, Han Yoohyun and Han Yoojin for the series "My S-Class Hunters!" I love them to death and back they're sooo codependent.

Han Yoojin is the older one by five years, and when their parents died he dropped out of high school to work multiple jobs in order to take care of himself and his younger brother! Strangely, there's never any mention of him resenting Han Yoohyun because of it, and always views him very favorably.

However, no one else seems to view Han Yoohyun the same way, always seeing him as unsettling or in some cases, not even a human. (Reason being that he was a natural S-Class, so even before the classes between powers happened people could tell there was something different about him.) Han Yoohyun doesn't really care though and is initially very detached when he's young, but as time passes he grows verrry attached to his older brother, and by that I mean Han Yoojin is the only person that he cares about.

Next part is some spoilers but they happen in the very beginning of the webnovel/adaptation which is on Webtoon, so I'll share them anyways.

When the power and ranking system is revealed and people's powers "awaken," Han Yoohyun awakens as not just an S-Class but one of the strongest in the world. Unfortunately, that makes people go after him and, by association, Han Yoojin. To prevent this, he pulls the classic "I will pretend to hate you so that no one comes after you because you are my weakness." Lots of people say that it was stupid of him, and yes it was, but he was only in highschool at the time please leave him alone he didn't know what else to do ;;

Han Yoojin, confused and devastated by the apparent being cut off from his younger brother, also tries to awaken so that he can prove himself to be useful to Han Yoohyun again. He awakens as the weakest class, F, and then his life spirals downwards because his little brother doesn't want to talk to him anymore.

Basically, they're both miserable because they've been forced apart, as if their motivations are just each other. (They are, especially if you read the side stories. 90% of Han Yoojin's world is his little brother and the 10% are split up for other things, like the actual world and other people. This is an actual fact from the side stories I kid you not)

Anyways I won't say how but they do end up reconciling and one of the first things that Han Yoohyun does is try to lock Han Yoojin up in his house for safety. There's a lot of moments throughout the series where he's jealous because his older brother is with someone else because he's a completely normal little brother (no he's not), and also moments where Han Yoojin shows very clear and obvious favoritism towards his little brother over everyone else and, since he's the main character of the story, does some questionable and sometimes just insane things for his little brother.

annyyways I've yapped enough but if you like codependent obsessive brocons where the younger one is taller then go look at them (ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ) currently the adaptation on webtoon is the most accessible for english readers, and there's not a lot of us on this platform but there's definitely a community for them on twitter! there's a lot more incest shippers than you'd initially believe because there are some things in there that are just insane for the author to add lolol

Thank you very much for writing this because I genuinely enjoyed finding out about this pairing! (Never heard of them before).

[strawberrijellyfish]

I'M TIRED OF EVERYONE!!! || Yap No. 1 ✩*ೃ.⋆ 𝖬𝗂𝗇𝗈𝗋 𝖳𝖶: 𝖩𝗈𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗅𝗒 𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝗄𝗆𝗌, 𝖺 𝖻𝗂𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗇𝗈𝗇𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗇𝗌𝖾, 𝗒𝖺𝗉𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗌𝗍!

No because tell me why for 2021 to 202FIVE, I have been crushing on basically people who are DRY and who give me MIXED SIGNALS on--a daily basis?!!! LIKE YOU CANNOT BE FOR REAL WITH ME RIGHT NOW. And it doesn't matter what gender are they as well, literally, men or women it's--AUGHHH!!! LIKE WHY!!! It's so stupid!! Is it me. Am I the problem??? If you're uninterested, just SAY SO PLEASE I DON'T CARE I SWEAR!! Like literally be frank with me and I'll stop, LIKE PLEASE!! "Hahaha, do you gain feelings easily? I do pretty easily." ???? WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!!! IS THIS A SIGN?? THAT WAS OUT OF NOWHERE. YES!! I DO GAIN FEELINGS EASILY!! "I smelled something that reminded me of you." Ho, bullet to my head. Like, wh--WHATTTTT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. I'M FLATTERED?? I FELT SO GIDDY!! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN PLEASSEEE SOMEONE TELL ME RIGHT NOW!! WHY DO YOU KNOW MY SCENT?? WH--???????? WHATTTTT "You're so cute when you're sleepy." Ho, I'm about to STRANGLE YOU WHO SAYS THAT!! WHO?? WH?? WHTEHAEIHUDAHIDDA KEEP YOURSELF SAFE!! Then you're going to say, "Oh you're such a good friend!" ????? Tell me how you feel about me before I run over you with my CAR!! I can't beat you in a fight but my car certainly can!! (I don't even know how to drive) Me: "Hahaha!..Are we flirting right now?" Them: "Well, if you want it to be." ITS A YES OR NO QUESTION YOU DUMBASS!! YOU DUMB ASS MOTHERFUCKING MULTONG BABOY NA WALANG ULO TANGINA ULOL!!! WHO ANSWERS, "Well if you want it to be" TO A QUESTION LIKE THAT?!!! STOP PLAYING WITH ME BEFORE I BLOW UP AND TAKE EVERYONE WITH ME!!! The whole COUNTRY is going to be wiped off on this beautiful planet we call Earth!!! You're so dry it's driving me insane!! You: "Maybe it's because they don't actually have any interest in you." WELL!! I'M GOING TO BE HONEST I THINK THE SAME BUT THEN IT ALL COMES DOWN TO LIKE, A 50/50 CHANCE?!!! THEY WERE SO SWEET AT THE BEGINNING WHAT HAPPENED. IS IT ME?? Literally if that was the case, SAY SO PLEASE!! BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S BECAUSE I'M OVERTHINKING THIS BUT LIKE!!! ERM!! CHAT!!! Like guys, I do NOT wanna waste my time sobbing over on whether or not they like me or not like, been there done that!! You: "If that's the case, why don't you confess? It's a 50/50 chance, I say take the risk." I DO NOT--Y'know how embarrassing rejection is?? Like, hello. No thankyou!! Like.. n-noooo NONONONO!!!! It's just so terrifying, I know like, it could be a possible missed opportunity but like. From what I see it, it's like a 30 out of 70 chance they like me despite everyone saying it's a 50/50!! IF ANYTHING, THEY SHOULD BE THE ONE CONFESSING TO ME!!! TANGINANG BABAERO NA YAN AMPUTA!! Call me a pussy, a wimp, and I still won't confess. Unless someone's giving me like, $50, then I will but guess what?! NO ONES GIVING ME $50!!! LIKE I'M ALONE IN THIS!! (Not really, shoutout to my close friends!) SO LIKE!! UGHUHEUIAHIAHUHA!! I'm going INSANE! Is this a me problem, am I the problem here? Like literally if you want me to stop yapping, I WILL STOP YAPPING! LIKE, JUST BE FORWARD WITH ME PLEASE! Like ngl I have been dropping HINTS. Like, like. I KNOW IT'S KIND OF HYPOCRITICAL BUT LIKE...LIKE!!! I DON'T WANNA CONFESS!!!! We're literally classmates, like if I confess and you reject me I'm jumping off the moment we make eye-contact. Do NAWT play with me, oh my days. Like, BE FOR REAL! I know I could've typed this on like, what, twitter or reddit but reddit is just..err, not really for me unless I need solid advice I guess?? and Twitter?........er. Hahaha, hell no!! Tumblr is cuter anyways. I mean, like I could've just taken this to tiktok but like, making a blockblast voice over video is just too much work in my opinion. I'm too lazy for it, PLUS the chances of EVERYONE I know seeing the video and connecting the dots?!! No thankyou!!

[novemberdevils]

I’m genuinely so glad you enjoy my rambling so much because I felt like its a bit too much especially since im still in the first chapter and still want to talk about everything so today you will get A Lot of my thoughts since the devs and Las Vegas start close to each other!

No because I didn’t even KNOW that Norris and Carlos were even remotely Close to COLTON AND CONNOR WHAT??? And they are Close enough to organise a golf trip, being a logan sargeant is always because us non-American get so endeared by his American ass, jack and trevor being kyle and logan and I miss that im a fake fan how could I miss that please ignore me while I cry because I missed this easter egg while saying im the biggest fan.

THANK YOU FOR NOT REPEATING THE 22 SEASON I will give my first child as a gift, AH the torture of wanting to talk about something but not wanting to spoil it is BAD and I dont think my comments help you with that, jack spiralling basically proves that he a Ferrari driver because there has not been one who didnt need at least a bit of therapy, also jack and his ability to NOT meditate amuses me so much, poor bedard being the only rookie in merc which is dog shit someone needs to keep an eye on him, you are correct fuck zac brown but I will try and get the references and not embarrass myself, No believe me when I say that your media people are smarter than the reality because at least they are fictional but IN REAL LIFE?.

please im mourning carlos being in williams like my husband is going to war-he is- because what do you mean LEWIS WOULD RACE IN FERRARI?? I will not believe this shit until I see in red-I cannot even picture him in red dear god help me-, ughhh the annoying twitter user with a carlos pfp make me want to fight someone because I have SEEN this comments in real life; your fic is too close to reality because you get the race stress stupid media and annoying tweets and it makes me twitch, jack having a burner f1twt account doesnt surprise me but I can imagine him finding out that us fans want cunty jack and he spirals every time he says something and its a never ending spiral, hugheswdc is my actual bestie idc that she doesn’t exist irl she is my bestie through and through, a jack fan wanting him in Ferrari exists even here love that for them, nico praises jack and then jack overthink said praise is my favourite dynamic, OH NICO POLE SOON!!!

do I annoy when I reply to your replies or do you enjoy them? Because I can stop if it does

no such thing as too much. i will always yap about inertia. i'm probably just as annoying about it lmao so all good. and i do enjoy the replies to my replies do not stop pls and thank you

YEAH I WAS BEWILDERED BY THE LINEUP... thought my eyes were deceiving me. like carlos and lando sure and herta and daly also sure as independent pairs of each other but all four of them ??? wild crossover. maybe i should start up some Wild Crossovers in the fic universe. i have a pretty half-baked hypothetical indy grid floating in my brain (complete with some drivers i have not revealed in-fic yet) so maybe i will. do. something. mwahahahaha

the lewis to ferrari move was NOT on my bingo card like i remember when the rumors were rumoring i was like ain't no way then it very much was way. like okay. i guess we are playing that game. lewis hamilton world tour

yeah like noah fence to the carlos enjoyers but there are some Real annoying carlos fans on twitter. so of course i had to showcase that in the form of one very obnoxious bitch. negative shoutout to jase smoothoperationnn. ofc they come across as Enemy in the fic especially bc they literally actively hate jack. oops

hischpole hischpole hischpole. Soon. i haven't started writing that race yet but i am nearing it. the races keep getting longer and longer it is not even funny i'm gonna explode

[teamfreewill2pointo]

Family Don't End with Blood Transcription

Family Don't End with Blood Transcription [twitter version]

Jared: So, in Supernatural, our character Bobby Singer played by the wonderful Jim Beaver has a quote, “family don't end in blood”. 

Jensen: You know, it's one of the many, kind of, mottos of-of Supernatural and it is the family that you choose and it is the people that you care about and that you fight next to and that you fight to save. And that inspire you. And that push you. 

Singer: No, I think definitely the family was going to be a theme right from the beginning. I mean the Pilot story was and- and whatever the mythology of season one was- was, you know, the search for dad. 

Dabb: You'll watch the first few moments of the Pilot and it very clearly plants this flag about what it is. It is a family show.

Misha: Like who's your clan and who are the people you care about the most? And obviously, two orphaned brothers couldn't care about anything in the world more than one another, but they envelop this community of people who also care about them and one another. Alex: Sam and Dean and Cas and Jack and these host of characters are kind of... with loss forced to reassess what family is, and what I love about the show is they kind of build their own version of that.

Jared: There's so many characters along the way that Sam and Dean treated as they would treat each other. Dabb: I think that was a core part of this, because Sam and Dean are two guys that, because they define everything by family, they're always looking for a family. 

Jared: You know, not everybody out there has a wonderful family life as far as their- their blood relatives.

Dabb: Sam and Dean come from a very dysfunctional family. Their father suffered this great, you know, world shattering tragedy and really spent the entire rest of his life trying to get revenge. And unfortunately, Sam and Dean came second to that.

Dabb: So when they got to be an adult, and I think a lot of people that come from dysfunctional families find this... is it becomes less about the family you're born into and it becomes about your family by choice. 

Jensen: When you find someone that's willing to fight alongside you for what you collectively believe is the right thing, then it instantly makes you brothers and sisters in arms. And that's exactly what these two brothers found. They found other brothers and sisters in arms.

Singer: Bobby really served as a, you know, a father figure. One thing we always tried to do is that if we had a guest character that really kind of hit the mark, we would say oh, you know, we got to keep going with this- with this person. Bobby, that, character is certainly one of them. 

Beaver: If you're walking the walk, and not just talking the talk, I think probably respects that immensely and- and he sees that in Sam and Dean. 

Buckner: Crowley, Charlie, Jack, Rowena... all these people had a commonality. I mean, they were all alone in their own little universes to a- to an extent. 

Singer: When Misha showed up... and created the- the Castiel character, we knew we had something special. 

Misha: It's been such an interesting arc with the character of Castiel on Supernatural.

Jensen: You know sure the story at the core was- was about these brothers, but it was also about this- this ragtag gang of fighters. 

Samantha Smith: Most hunters are solitary. It’s lonely. And, when they can connect with other people who understand their pain and their life and their dedication and their purpose, there's going to be a bond there.

Jensen: I'm thankful for, not only the characters and how they were written and how they affected the Winchester's, but also for the actors and actresses that have portrayed them, because they too have become family with Jared and I. And they are- they're part of this crazy circus that is supernatural.

Dabb: Jared and Jensen are both excellent actors, but I think their biggest achievement on this show is the example they were able to set for everybody. And you know, it's kind of a famous story, but Eric Kripke sat them down, you know, the first season we're like, “This is your show. You guys set the tone of this show.”

Kripke: They're bringing so much more to it than I ever could have written, in their grounding it and they're making it real. And it's clear you watch these guys, and they're smart guys, going through this story and I'm-I’m thrilled.

Dabb: Both Jared and Jensen are capable of carrying a show on their own. As they now will go off and do, I'm sure. The fact that we could get them together for this period of time- again, I don’t know that’s something you are going to repeat on a TV show for a while.

Buckner: They-they really are quite incredible. Jensen learned to tap dance for an episode... I keep hearing the phrase “once in a lifetime” and probably so. 

Dabb: To get two guys at this caliber who are leading men to come in and do that job into it so well, and so thoughtfully- again I-I said it earlier, but I don't think I'm gonna find that again in my career.

Jensen: That's the crazy thing about being on a show this long and- and not just being on a show this long, but being with a large- a large majority of our crew has been with us either from the beginning 15 years or they've been with us 12 years, or 10 years, or eight years. 

Jensen: That's a long, long time for these professionals to be in one- to be on one job. 

Singer: Our set was always loose. The crew felt part of the family. They were in on the joke. The guys were always great to the crew, had great respect for the crew.

Sheppard: Truly great people all at the peak of their abilities. Some great, great wonderful writers, some extraordinary producers over the years, the various showrunners from Kripke at the beginning, to Sera, to- to Jeremy, to Andrew. It's been an amazing journey. 

Misha: I've just been both grateful and inspired to be around a crew like this. We laugh so much and I-I know that Jared and Jensen and the producers all agree, we wouldn't be here if the crew of Supernatural wasn't the crew that it is.

Alex Calvert: I came into this show relatively late compared to everybody else.

The relationships that I've seen at work and away from work are incredible. People have started families. People have had kids on the show. You know, I think these people are-are gonna be in each other's lives forever because of this bond that they formed. 

Dabb: This is a show where assistants have gone on to write scripts. 

This is a show where crew people have gone on to direct. It's a show that has tried to be supportive to people who show that passion and that work ethic to get up there and do it. I certainly have felt supported. I mean, I-I went from a staff writer to running the show and you know, so obviously I felt very supported (laughs) in kind of my goals.

Jared: You know, I've-I’ve met my wife, mother of my kids. I met one of my groomsmen. I met a ton of dear friends, and I have a new extended family, our SPN family.

Jared: I'm honored and flattered and grateful that I got to be a part of that journey. 

Alex: I think the- the overwhelming thing that I'd like to express for me and I think for a lot of people on the show that maybe don't get a say, which I want to represent, is the crew and the people that build the show and paint the show. 

Alex: You know, costume to show and- and are here everyday working on it. I think a lot of it is just gratitude and thankfulness that- that we get to do what we do. 

Dabb: On the writing side of it here in Burbank, that's always felt like there's a family atmosphere. I feel it's a great gift where we work with so many people that are both talented and professional. 

Buckner: They- a lot of laughter in that room. I remember a tabletop strewn with toys, and play-dough, and slinkies, and etcha-a-sketches, and blocks that got played with endlessly. I know there's a whole wall covered with index cards with various, either funny, pointless, or stupid, things that the writers have said over the course of many, many, many meetings that's tacked up on a wall. And remember just a lot of give and take and a lot of feelings of safety in that room. It was maybe the largest production office I've worked in. The tiki bar in the middle of the office, always laid out with cakes or whatever for birthdays. 

Eugenie: We were a community. We were a brotherhood. We were a sisterhood. And, that kind of was the way everything was run. 

Buckner: One of the writers I remember once, had major surgery and had to come to work in sweats, a really loose fitting stuff. So a lot of the writers showed up in PJs as a-as a sort of show of solidarity. So there's just lots of ways that people supported each other. 

Dabb: And I just feel incredibly lucky to have worked with, number one with Bob Singer because I've worked with him for 15 years now. It has been the most rewarding... partnership, mentorship, whatever you want to call it, of my professional life. In terms of being able to learn from him. 

Jared: His involvement in the series was so necessary from day one. He can walk on set, look at me, not really saying anything, just give me a face, and I'm like got it. And that's built over time.

Singer: I come in with a plan, but it's not chipped in stone and then, you know, lots of times, you know, the guys would have ideas. Sometimes I would accept them readily. Sometimes, we had to talk about them, but there was always this mutual respect. 

Jensen: He has been just this... Yoda character for our show. I call him my confident captain. He's just- he's been- he's been the real compass of this- of the show for so long.

We have come together in times of crisis. We've lost several of our crew members. We lost Yap. We lost Matt Riley. We lost Kim Manners in Season 4. 

Singer: Kim was a great guy and a great director. Everybody responded to his talent but also to who he was. 

Jared: He used to say, you know, we're not curing cancer, and I spend more time with you than I do my wife, my kids, my dogs. So, if we're not having a good time, then what are we doing? 

And so we tried to make sure that we kept it light and that we all realized like hey, we're putting on makeup and playing pretend for a living. 

Sheppard: I came into a couple of episodes, with a show that Kim Manners told me I really needed to do someday because I would really enjoy it and I'd love the boys. And he was right. He was absolutely right. 

Singer: The hardest part of season four was- was losing Kim. And I think the… the best thing we could say about losing Kim was that we never replaced him. I didn't feel like anyone should have that job other than- than Kim. So, you know, that was hard.

Jensen: I'm not quite sure when the-the phrase was coined, but the SPN family, as the- the fandom is- is lovingly known as. What we are on set as a crew is now reflected in- in what we see as a fandom. 

Misha: The SPN family, Supernatural family. I've seen so many instances of people gathering together to go support a Supernatural fan.

Misha: It's so lovely and inspiring and I-I-I honestly, you know, hope that that could serve as a template for how greater society works.

Buckner: When these guys were feeling for each other, or for other characters, or when they were afraid, or, you know, when they loved somebody, it just radiated off the screen, and the fans really picked up on that. 

Jared: I know several of the fans personally and care about them deeply. And it's neat to talk about a shared passion. Man, I love Supernatural too. Like, I love the storyline too. I like that episode too. Like let's talk about it. 

Jensen: We have this unique situation with our show where we're able to do these fan conventions and we do them quite often and it gives us an opportunity to get in front of a lot of these people and have honest real conversations with them face-to-face. And that's, in my opinion, that's helped shape the show. 

Buckner: And this is not just limited to the United States. It's a worldwide thing. I mean, there are these conventions held, you know, everywhere in the world. 

Eugenie: The fans are so polite. They're- they're very respectful of each other's appreciation of the same show they appreciate. It's like we're all in this together. 

Alex Calvert: I can tell you that the people that I've met and that have been affected by the show and the fans of the show will- will tell you a hundred times over that this is not the end, that this goes on forever.

Singer: They've bonded over this show. And-and have created their own Supernatural family. And have a tremendous respect for what we do, but respect for each other. 

Just a motivation of why we wanted to always keep the show going and keep it fresh was not to disappoint the fans. We certainly didn't want to disappoint them, because we didn't want to disappoint family members. 

Dabb: There's nothing I won't miss. This has been, creatively speaking, an incredible gift.

Buckner: Just be able to go to work and have that kind of freedom and not dread going into a place. 

Jensen: We love the show. We love the story.

We love these characters. We love the- we love the people that we make this show with. I hope and I believe that that translates on camera.

Eugenie: You know, there's always reruns. I'll always be able to see Sam and Dean. 

Alex Calvert: I think everybody loves that- that Sam and Dean, you know, can go through hell together literally, and give each other a big hug at the end of it and know that they're gonna be alright because they have each other. I think that's a really beautiful concept of the show.

Singer: That bond is really, I think, you know, the heart and soulless show, and what gave us the longevity that we had. 

Misha: I also genuinely hope that the supernatural family is something that carries on past the end of the shooting of the show. I hope we can continue collectively to do good in the world and to set a good example and to be a family to one another. 

Jared: Sam and Dean, much like Jared and Jensen, over the course of Supernatural were allowed to add many members to their family, and they would do anything for their family members and vice versa. This world and this journey isn't just about fighting for yourself or fighting for somebody that it'll- it'll benefit you. It's not about the glory. It's about doing what's right and taking care of good people. And I think Supernatural from day one has been able to accomplish that. [Huge thanks to Kira who helped me clean this up!!]

End of the Road Special Transcription Winchester Mythology Transcription

[leviackermanscleaningbuddy]

BTS DRABBLE

@sheebaba​: BTS approaches their ex (YOU!) and wants to get back together.

Tags: BTS, BTS Drabble, my asks, my requests, Bangtan Boys, Bangtan Seonyandan, Beyond the Scene, boyfriend AU, Jin x you, Yoongi x you, Hoseok x you, Namjoon x you, Jimin x you, Taehyung x you, Jungkook x you

Genre: Angst, Fluff, maybe some suggestive content? 

Title: Second Chances

KIM SEOKJIN

Smiling down at the little handwritten note in your hand, your musings were interrupted by your coworker, Liesel, walking by your cubicle, sticking her head inside and curiously eyeing the bouquet of flowers on your desk, as she asked, “Secret Admirer strikes again?” 

You nodded, tucking the note into your jacket pocket, as you flashed her a grin, turning back to your stack of paperwork that needed to be finished before you left for the day, “Yeah. I’ll give it to him, the guy’s got game.” 

“I’ll say.” Liesel laughed, leaning against the door frame, her eyes straying from the large bouquet to the other trinkets and treats that littered one side of your desk. “He’s sent you something nearly every day for the past month.” 

“He wants to meet up.” You spun around in your desk chair, hurrying on as Liesel’s brows inched up her forehead in surprise. “I mean, it can’t hurt right? It’s at a public place, and I don’t get the vibe that this guy is a creeper or anything.” 

“You do you, doll.” Liesel shrugged, pushing herself up to continue on her way, giving you a little wave and smug smile over her shoulder as she left. “Let me know on Monday if you get any hot and kinky secret admirer sex over the weekend.” 

The rest of the day crept by slowly, and you found your fingers straying to the pocket of your jacket, caressing the edges of the small note far more often than you would care to admit, a stupid smile always trying to lift the corners of your mouth as you remembered the words etched into the card. 

‘Meet me tonight. Benny’s. 6;00.’ 

Finally, FINALLY, it was 5 PM and you could go home. Rushing out of work, barely waving to Liesel and your other coworkers on the way out, you headed home, determined not to be late and show up to greet this “secret admirer” in your very best outfit. 

Changing into a black, skin tight evening dress, complete with pearls and heels, you fixed your hair and touched up your makeup, glancing over at the clock as you finished up, nervously grabbing your clutch before heading out the door to wave down a taxi. 

The drive to Benny’s was uneventful, and you felt nerves start to grow in your stomach as you watched the night time city flash past outside your window, the butterflies growing more and more as you finally reached the restaurant, and the taxi driver let you out onto the sidewalk after a quickly uttered “thank you.” 

Smoothing down the shawl you wore around your shoulders, hands running down the smooth black fabric of your dress one more time, you took in a deep breath, shivering from the cool air, and made toward the inviting, lit up entrance to the restaurant, only to be stopped in your tracks by a very familiar voice calling out your name from behind you. 

“(Y/N)!”

Your heart thudded, just once, hard, against your ribs, and you swallowed quickly, trying to wet your suddenly dry mouth, as you turned slowly to face the man coming towards you, his long, dark hair mussed from running, his breath coming in pants, his tie slightly askew, a bouquet of ruffled flowers held in his hands. 

“Seokjin. What are you doing here?” You managed to ask, as he came to a stop in front of you, reaching up to rake a hand through his ruined hair as he bent over slightly, trying to catch his breath. 

“Sorry....I thought....” He panted out, holding the bouquet of flowers out to you, hands still on his knees. “You’d....be a little....late....like....old times.” 

You took the flowers from him, albeit a bit reluctantly, and then asked, watching as he finally straightened up and offered you a wide smile, a smile that made your heart start to pound once again in your chest, “What are you talking about? I’m meeting someone.....” 

He raised a dark brow at you, his smile thinning just a bit, full lips pursed, waiting, watching you with large eyes that reflected the city lights back to you. “I know.” 

Suddenly, you realized. You knew why he was here. 

You gasped, pointing with the bouquet of flowers at him almost accusingly, as you exclaimed, “Wait. The only way you would know I’d be here is if....” You gasped again, louder this time, shooting him a glare, hands going to your hips. “You’re my secret admirer!” 

He held his hands out in an appeasing manner, smile once again crossing his full lips. “Guilty.” 

“Jin......” You began, letting out a sigh, any anger draining from your body as you regarded the man in front of you. 

You had broken up, weeks ago, and everything had been going fine, everything was good, until he showed up in front of you tonight, looking like a greek god in his slim fitting tuxedo, dark hair perfectly framing his face, pink, plush lips looking so inviting against tan skin and white teeth. 

Shit. You still loved him. 

“Look, (Y/N).” You jerked out of your thoughts, realizing Jin had started talking while you were zoned out, a pleading look coming across his normally confident features. “I knew you wouldn’t talk to me, I knew this was the only way to get you to meet me here tonight. Could you just hear me out? Please?” He held a hand out to you, his fingers stretched toward you, offering you to take his offer. “I screwed up.I realized, as soon as you left, what I had lost.” 

Sighing, still anxious over the realization you had just had at seeming him again in over a month, suddenly realizing how pathetic you were, how cliche it was to still be in love with your ex, you said, defeat clear in your tone, “All right, Jin. I came all this way. Might as well have dinner right?” 

You offered him a half smile, and he returned the gesture, and as your hand met his, you let him lead you into the warmth of the restaurant. 

MIN YOONGI

“Okay, remember.” You knelt down in front of Toko, reaching up to unclip his leash as you shot him a stern glare. “No rough housing. Be nice to the smaller dogs. Play with dogs your own size. Okay?” 

The large husky wagged his tail at your words, sitting obediently in front of you, waiting for you to give him the okay to head off into the large dog park and play with the dozens of other dogs that filled the area, barking and chasing and fetching. 

Sighing, you patted his head and then straightened, wiping the dust off your knees as you motioned with your head, “Okay then. Go play.” 

With a loud bark, Toko bounded to his feet and dashed across the dog park, disappearing out of sight, already lost in sniffing bushes and trees and other dog’s asses. 

Sitting down on the bench along one side of the fenced area, you pulled your jacket closer around your shoulders as a brief breeze picked up, and pulling out your phone, you began to scroll aimlessly through social media, careful to avoid any and all mentions of him, as you scanned through Twitter. 

Suddenly, the sound of a yap and a small dog leaping up on the bench beside you pulled you from your melancholy, and you turned your head, words already on your lips, as you asked cheerfully, “Oh, hey little guy....” 

The statement died on your lips, as your gaze met the dark orbs of a small poodle, brown fur ruffled in the breeze, front paw raised in excitement, pink tongue lolling out past blackened lips, head cocked as he regarded you with familiarity. 

“Shit.” You swore under your breath, ducking your head and glancing around out of the corners of your eyes as you addressed the little dog sitting beside you. “Holly, if you’re here, then so is.....” 

“Hey.” 

“Yoongi.” You gasped out, finishing your statement to the poodle, as your eyes, wide with sudden surprise, flashed up to the figure of the man standing in front of you, hoodie pulled up over his head, hands tucked in his pockets, posture slightly hunched, as he regarded you with dark eyes, made even darker by the shadow of his hood falling over his forehead. 

A sardonic smile quirked the corner of his lips upward, as he said dryly, “You look like shit.” 

“Thanks.” You scoffed out sarcastically, methodically avoiding his gaze, as you searched for a sign of Toko among the crowds of dogs. “Funny, I could say the same about you.” 

You were surprised when Yoongi shuffled forward and sat beside you on the bench, hands still out of sight deep within his hoodie, as Holly crawled onto his lap, his tail wagging enthusiastically. You slid away from him ever so slightly, not liking the sudden feeling of goosebumps arising on your skin at his too close presence. 

“So. Did you bring the mutt today?” Yoongi asked, his voice holding measured disinterest, as both of you looked out over the bustling dog park. 

“Of course I did. Why would someone go to a dog park without their dog?” You shot back, wanting to laugh, but the sound getting stuck behind the sudden lump in your throat, as you risked a glance over at his features, pale in the dimming afternoon light. 

“Does the mutt still like to play with the smaller dogs as if they were chew toys?” He asked, meeting your gaze, as he shifted on the bench beside you, closer to you. 

A slight blush came over your cheeks as your gazes met, and you glanced away again, finally catching sight of Toko across the park, playing with another larger dog, for once, as you said, “Yes. We actually had a talk about that today, before we came. About playing with dogs his own size.” 

“Figures.” Yoongi grunted out, shifting again, Holly curled up on his lap now, watching the other dogs with lazy brown eyes. “The only small dog Toko ever liked was Holly.” 

“Yeah.” You nodded in agreement, before you could stop yourself, and then the two of you fell into silence again. 

Uncomfortable silence. 

“(Y/N)...” Yoongi started to say. 

“Yoongi...” You blurted out, at the exact same time your name leaft his lips. 

Both of you stuttered to a halt, and you looked down at your hands, the blush once again blooming across your cheeks, as you muttered out, fumbling with a loose string on the edge of your shirt, “You go first.” 

He sighed, a heavy sound, from beside you, and you couldn’t help but glance over at him curiously, this man sitting beside you, the man who, up until two days ago, you had loved more than anyone else in the world. 

“(Y/N). Listen.” He glanced over at you, dark eyes brimming with an emotion you hadn’t seen for awhile, as he bit his lip between his teeth, seeming to think as he paused for a moment before continuing, “I think we made a mistake.” 

“You do?” You couldn’t stop yourself, the words poured from your lips as soon as his statement was in the open, hope suddenly springing up into your chest. “I mean.” You smoothed down your sweater, clearing your throat, as you asked more calmly, “you do?” 

He flashed you a smile, a smile that is so familiar, it made your heart ache, pink gums stark against his white teeth, and then he nodded. “Yeah, I do.” It is his turn to clear his throat, and then he said, “You wanna get coffee after this? Talk through some things?” 

“Yes, I would love that.” You responded, your own smile flashing across your face, just as Toko bounded back over to you, muddy paws going onto your chest as he licked your face, dog breath hot on your skin, as you cried out, “Toko! No! You’re getting me dirty! Get down!” 

Yoongi watched you, amusement clear on his features, as you struggled with the large husky, and then he said teasingly, “I see that the mutt still doesn’t have any manners.” 

 You laughed, and he followed suit, Toko grinning, large tongue lolling between the two of you, and for the first time in two days, it all felt good. 

JUNG HOSEOK

“No, no, no, no, no.” You whispered out underneath your breath, as you watched your dance instructor walk down the line of students, her hands behind her back. 

Praying to yourself quietly, you kept your eyes on the wall of mirrors in front of you, hands nervously fidgeting with the hem of your shirt, as you avoided her gaze. She was almost to you, and if she picked you, and you had to dance with him, then you would most certainly die, right there on the spot. You were sure of it. 

“(Y/N).” 

You glanced up at your teacher’s sharp voice forming your name, and saw her standing before you, watching you over her rimmed glasses as she pursed her lips and said, “You have been doing well lately with this particular footwork.” She flicked her hands toward the front of the class as she turned on her heel. “Join Hoseok up front for the demonstration.” 

Shit. 

Your hands were suddenly clammy, your throat dry, and your heart was trying to pound its way out of your chest, as you forced your feet to move over the wooden floor and toward the front of the class, where he stood, waiting, watching. 

You didn’t want to be his partner, not today, and not ever. Not after what had happened between the two of you over Spring break. 

But you also didn’t want to fail this class, and you didn’t want to disobey your dance instructor, because heaven knows, dance was the only good thing you had left in your life at this point. 

Coming to a stop in front of him, you kept your head down, eyes on the floor, barely listening as your teacher began walking the rest of the class through what you were about to showcase, her voice dim above the sound of rushing, panicked blood pouring through your ears. 

It was bad enough that you had ended up in the same advanced dance class with none other than your ex-boyfriend. But to have to partner with him for the day? That was going to be beyond unbearable. 

“Now, you two.” Your instructor floated over to the pair of you, her eyes flashing behind her glasses as she waved her hands between you. “Take up position.” 

You still didn’t meet his gaze, although you could feel it burning into you, as he took your left hand in his, palms together, your right hand going on the muscle just behind his shoulder blade, trying to stop yourself from noticing how firm he felt beneath your fingertips, how warm his skin was through the thin material of his shirt. 

Damn it, (Y/N). Focus. 

His hand cupped your waist, his long fingers digging slightly into your skin through the tank top, and briefly, just briefly, before you managed to shut the dangerous train of thought down, you remembered how those same fingers had felt tracing patterns across the bare skin of your thighs. 

FOCUS. 

“You know.” You shivered slightly, hoping he hadn’t noticed your reaction, as his timbre voice sounded, low, soft, in one of your ears, as your teacher started across the room to begin the music. “It’s going to be awfully hard to dance with you if you won’t even look at me, doll.” 

“Don’t call me that!” You snapped out, jerking your head up, and unwittingly meeting his eyes, those warm, caramel eyes, eyes that you could fall into, with your own, before a slight blush bloomed across your cheeks, and you stuttered out, “Besides. Dancing is all in the feet. Isn’t that what you told me once?” 

Jung Hoseok chuckled, the sound sending another course of shivers down your spine, as the music began to blare over the speakers, his hand tightening slightly on your waist as he pulled you closer against him, bodies almost flush. 

At this distance, you could practically feel the heat rolling off of him, smell his familiar musk overwhelming you with pleasant memories, memories of late nights and tangled sheets and his hands on every part of your body. 

Shaking your head to rid yourselves of those thoughts, you huffed out, shooting him a glare, “Let’s just get this over with.” 

“Suit yourself.” He shrugged, and as your instructor called out the count, he led you into the first steps of the dance. 

You had to admit, it felt nice to dance with Hoseok again. It had been awhile, and as he moved you around the room, effortlessly avoiding the other students, never missing a beat, you remembered. You remembered how much you liked to dance with him, how much you liked his body pressed against yours, how much you liked his fingers intertwined with your own. 

“(Y/N).” 

“Hmmm?” You hummed out before you could stop yourself, your gaze meeting his once again, as your feet obediently followed through their steps. 

His brow was furrowed slightly as he looked down at you. so close that your noses could have brushed if you had tiptoed only slightly, so close that you could see the warmer flecks of honey in his caramel colored eyes. “I missed this.” 

At his words, your feet stuttered to a halt, but luckily, the song had just ended and the class was applauding lightly, as your instructor approached, talking over the sound of the other students about your performance. 

But you couldn’t hear her. All you could hear was Hoseok’s voice, his old voice, telling you over and over again how he had missed this, and possible, quite possibly, missed you. 

You stood, staring at one another, and you opened your mouth, wanting to say something, needing to say something, but he beat you to it. Offering you a gentle smile, he bowed to you, and then said softly, so only you could hear, “Thank you for dancing with me, doll. Maybe, if you want, we could...” He hesitated, pushing dark hair back off his forehead, nerves suddenly visible in his eyes as he regarded you. “I mean, that is, would you like to dance with me again sometime? Not here of course.”  He stuttered over his words, and you could see in his eyes, that he knew he was acting like a fool. “At a club or something. Outside of, you know... school.” He trailed off, avoiding your gaze, his own cheeks reddening this time. 

You grinned, butterflies swarming in your stomach in response to his adorable anxiety, and then you nodded, all thoughts of panic from earlier completely gone, completely washed away by the feel of his hand in yours once again, his feet leading you through the familiar dance the two of you had always shared. 

“I’d love to.” 

KIM NAMJOON

Groaning, you shoved the last of the books into your bag and reached for your apartment key, slipping into your worn sneakers as your roommate glanced up from her phone where she was laying on the couch, offering you a sympathetic look as she asked, “You going to tutoring tonight, then?” 

“Yes.” You dragged the word out, feeling your stomach sink with the syllables. “I’m going to fail this class if I don’t.” 

“Good luck.” She clicked her tongue at you, blowing you a kiss as she turned back to your phone. “I hope for your sake that this ‘knj1994″ or whatever is good looking. I’ll pray for you.” 

“Thanks.” You muttered under your breath, shooting once last longing glance back at the comfort of the couch as you left the apartment, slamming the door behind you and starting the long, dark, cold walk to the university library. 

As you walked, your mind drifted back to how you had come to be here, walking quickly through the evening air, head ducked, hands tucked into the pockets of your jacket, headed to the library on a Friday night rather than going to a party with your friends. 

Damn statistics and its infuriatingly hard and frustrating problems. 

Pushing through the doors into the library, you let out a sigh of relief as the warmth of the interior washed over you, shaking your numb hands at your sides to try and get feeling back into them as you entered the study area, set in a back, secluded corner of the first floor. 

Ducking past the last aisle of books, you headed toward the table where you and the tutor had decided to meet earlier in the day, but stopped in your tracks when you saw that it was already occupied, the tall frame of a man crammed into one of the chairs, and the sight of a very familiar head of purple hair bent over some homework. 

“Namjoon?” You stuttered out before you could stop yourself, fingers clenching tightly to your backpack straps, as the man looked up from his reading at the sound of his name, glasses perched precariously on the edge of his nose, glinting in the dim overhead lighting. 

“(Y/N)?” He asked in response, eyes going wide with disbelief, as he scrambled to his feet, knocking his chair over in the process. “What are you doing here?” 

“I’m meeting my statistics tutor.” You replied, watching him carefully, as he leaned down to right his chair once more. 

“Weird coincidence. I’m supposed to meet someone here to tutor them in statistics.” Namjoon cleared his throat, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, slight red beginning to appear at the end of his ears. 

And then, you both realized, in one electrifying moment, what the other had said. 

“It’s YOU?!” You both blurted out, mouths falling open, as you realized the extent of your current predicament. 

“How did you not know it was me?” Namjoon stuttered out, hands going palm down on the table in front of him, eyes wide with sudden panic. 

“How was I supposed to know? You sign up online!” I snapped back, hands suddenly clammy against the straps of my bag. 

“And you couldn’t figure it out from my username?” Namjoon exclaimed loudly, before lowering his voice, realizing you were still in the library. “Knj1994? Wasn’t that obvious enough?” He hissed out between his teeth. 

“I don’t know!” You hissed back, slamming your bag down on the table and standing across from him, mirroring his stance as you leaned toward him. “What do we do?” You asked, after a brief moment, sudden annoyance gone from your voice, a whine taking its place. 

“I guess we just study anyway?” He said, his own voice deflated, as he sat slowly back down in his chair, picking up a pencil and beginning to whirl it between his fingers, a nervous habit he had had ever since you had known him. 

“I guess we have no choice.” You said in defeat, taking the seat across from him, and reaching into your bag to get out your books. “I really am sorry. I didn’t know it was you or I never would have...” 

“I know.” He waved a hand at you tiredly, offering you a grim smile as he reached for his own notebook. “Don’t apologize.” 

You nodded, suddenly very interested in the math problems laid out on the table before you. 

About an hour managed to drift by, as you asked Namjoon questions about different aspects of your homework, and he worked you through each problem individually, and the more time that passed, the more comfortable you grew in each other’s company again, just like old times, before you know, the break up. 

Glancing up from one of your problems, you caught Namjoon watching you from behind his spectacles, and you raised a brow at him, as you asked, “What?” 

Ears reddening again, he quickly dropped his gaze from yours, tapping his pencil on the table, as he said quietly, “Nothing. You just look really pretty tonight, that’s all.” 

You blushed this time, at his words, and clearing your throat, you tried to make light of the situation as you teased, “I’m glad you noticed, because I put on my best sweats for this occasion.” 

He chuckled, the sound slightly humorless, and you noticed he was twirling his pencil again, as he looked up at you once more, and blurted out, seemingly before he could stop himself, “Look. I’m really sorry for how things went down with...you know...” He hesitated, briefly, and when you didn’t stop him, he continued, the pencil growing frantic in his fingers. “But if you want, if you’re okay with it, I’d really like for us to keep studying together.” 

“Okay.” You said, surprising him, and even yourself with the casually uttered phrase. 

“Okay?” He repeated, disbelief lacing his tone. 

“Yeah, I mean.” You shrugged slightly, your heart beating just a bit faster in your chest, as you nonchalantly smiled at him, before turning back to your work. “I don’t want to fail statistics, so you’re my only hope.” 

You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, and saw him hide a slight smile on his lips, ducking his head back to his own work, the pencil no longer gyrating in his hands. 

Little did he know, at that same moment, you were hiding the exact same thing. 

PARK JIMIN

“Holy shit, my head.” Was the first statement that left your lips that morning, as you peeked through barely cracked eyelids at the offending sun coming in through the half open blinds. 

You groaned, moving to reach up to cover your eyes with your hand, but there was some unknown heavy weight restricting your arms to your sides, and you groaned again, screwing your eyes shut as you struggled to free yourself from whatever had you trapped. 

You didn’t exactly remember what had happened last night at the party, but with the way you were feeling in this moment, it was probably safe to say that you had gone a little heavy with the alcohol. 

“Could you please stop moving so much? I swear to God, my head feels like it’s going to fall off, and you’re not helping.” 

You froze, eyes flickering wide at the masculine voice coming from beside you, and suddenly, your aching head wasn’t at the forefront of your problems anymore, as you realized, with a sudden sinking of your stomach, who the voice belonged to. 

“Oh shit, please no.” You breathed out, the second statement to leave your lips that morning. 

Turning your head, careful not to jostle the angry hangover any more than was necessary, hoping against all hope that maybe you were wrong, that maybe the voice belonged to some random guy you had picked up at the party, someone you would never see again, you allowed your gaze to fall on the person beside you in the bed, face buried deep in their pillow, one arm flung over your abdomen, bare skin of their back glowing caramel in the morning light. 

And you knew, instantly, that this was no random party goer, this man stirring beside you, naked body lying in your bed, wrapped in your sheets, arm sitting comfortably over your waist. 

“Park Jimin.” You let the name fall from your lips, suddenly feeling nauseous as you realized what you had done, and although the details were fuzzy in your head, you remembered. 

You remembered the night before. 

His hands on your waist, your judgement clouded with alcohol and the warm feeling that his touch always brought to your chest, his plush lips moving against your own, stumbled steps up the stairs, tangled, flushed bodies, bare skin sweaty, entwined with one another, as your name, your damn name, fell from his lips in a way that made everything in side of you want to never let him go again. 

And here you were, in your bed, with the hangover from hell, lying next to your ex boyfriend, wondering over and over, what shit you had done in your past life to curse you so thoroughly in this one. 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve been run over by a truck.” Jimin groaned, bringing you abruptly out of your harried thoughts, as he shifted beside you, face coming out from the confines of his pillow, his eyes puffy and squinted against the light, silver hair falling in tangles over his forehead. His tongue darted out to lick dry, swollen lips, and you stopped yourself from remembering how that same tongue traced over your skin the night before, as he blinked owlishly at you and then said hoarsely, “What did they put in those drinks last night?” 

Clutching the sheets to your chest, panic rising into your throat, only egged on by how nonchalant he’s being in this compromising situation, you sat up, moaning and placing a palm on your head for a moment as it jostled with the sudden movement, and then whispered to him, “JImin. You can’t be here. Whatever happened last night...” 

“You don’t remember?” He pushed himself up on one elbow, still squinting slightly, but eyes open enough now to give you a suggestive wink, as he said, his voice dropping lower, “I can remind you, if you want, baby.” 

“Shut up, just shut up!” You exclaimed, louder than intended, and both of you wince at the sudden noise. Dropping your voice, you shot him a glare through your fingers, still cradling your head, before saying, “I remember THAT, okay? But I shouldn’t have to, because none of this should have even happened in the first place! Holy shit.” You flopped back down onto the bed, ignoring the pounding in your head, as you covered your face with your hands, feeling regret course through you. “I’ve become one of those girls who sleeps with her ex boyfriend when she’s drunk. I am officially a whore.” 

“Hey.” You heard Jimin say, amusement clear in his lilting tone, before you felt his hands push yours away from your face, your eyes still shut, as he pulled you from your wallowing. “You’re not a whore. And besides....” He flicked your cheek with one of his fingers, earning an angry hiss from between your teeth, as he insisted, “Baby, will you look at me?” 

“I’m not your baby anymore, Park Jimin.” You retorted, but do as he said, as you met his gaze, suddenly serious as he watched you, sending nervous butterflies drumming in your stomach. 

“Look, (Y/N).” Jimin sighed, flopping back down onto the bed beside you. “I don’t know about you, but last night was awesome, and not just because it was drunk, party sex.” He glanced over at you, you eyes meeting his own, another wave of pleasant butterflies swarming in your stomach at his serious expression. “It was awesome because I missed this, doing this, with you.” He motioned in between the space between your naked bodies, hidden by sheets. “Last night was not a drunken slip up for me. I fully knew what I was doing. And I would do it again in a heartbeat.” 

“Shit.” You said, squeezing your eyes shut once again, rubbing your knuckles against your face, as the warmth continued to fill your belly at his honest words. 

“Shit like, you don’t agree with me? Or shit like...” Jimin loomed over you, his face blocking the sun, as you squinted up at him through your lashes. A slight smirk wavered at the corners of his full lips. “You didn’t slip up either?” 

You groaned. “I didn’t slip up either. I wanted to blame it on the drinks, but...” You met his gaze, suddenly dark as it scanned your face intently. “I can’t stay away from you, Park Jimin.” 

A grin crossed his face at your words, and he looked slightly smug, as he said, one brow raised, “Now can I remind you of what happened last night, baby? In FULL detail this time?” His hand came up to skim suggestively across the bare skin of your waist beneath the sheets. 

“Shit.” You said, once again, before your hands went around his neck, fingers tangling into the strands of his hair, and you were pulling him down to fit his lips with your own. 

KIM TAEHYUNG

Sipping at your drink, you sighed and rolled your neck on your shoulders, your feet aching in your heels beneath the counter of the bar. 

It had been a long day at work, and after the large presentation you had had to present to the investors, you needed to relieve some stress. 

You ended up here, at your favorite bar, sitting alone, nursing a martini, and damn, did it feel good. 

“Hey gorgeous, what you drinking tonight?” A rough voice interrupted your solitude, just barely heard over the beat of the loud dance music that was flooding over from the dance floor. 

You rolled your eyes, before glancing over to see a man sliding onto the stool beside you, tie loosened, eyes alight with interest, as he waved down the bartender, barely looking at the man, who handed him a glass of whiskey, as you held up your own glass to him, and said flatly, “Martini. Extra dry.” 

“Get her another one, on me.” the man waved again at the bartender, before turning his attention back to you. He leaned in, and you could smell his cheap cologne, as he rested a hand beside your arm, as he said, “Name’s Theo.” 

“Hmmm.” You hummed in response, tipping your glass to him before taking another swig of the bitter liquid. 

“You got a name, beautiful?” The man asked, taking a drink of his whiskey, eyes never leaving you, as he tipped the amber liquid down his throat. 

“I do indeed.” You took the new martini from the bar tender and took another gulp, the alcohol burning your throat as he you regarded him with slight annoyance. “Although I usually don’t give it out to men I’ve just met.” 

The man laughed, a loud, obnoxious sound, and signaled for more whiskey, angling his body toward you as he said smoothly, “Come on, honey, don’t be like that. Pretty little thing like you should have some company.” 

You scoffed, taking another sip of your drink to cover up the derisive sound at his words. He was not taking the hint, and you were tired. You just wanted to drink in peace, was that too much to ask?

“I could give you some company.” The man winked at you, his hand heavily landing on your knee, fingers tracing your skin suggestively through the thin material of your nylons beneath your skirt. 

“Please take your hand off of me.” You said through gritted teeth, your drink forgotten in the face of his brazen move. 

“Oh, come on now....” He began to protest, his fingers still on your exposed knee, inching upward beneath the fabric of your skirt. 

“I believe she asked you remove your hand.” 

You startled slightly, as the deep, commanding voice sounded beside you over the music, and glancing up, your breath caught in your throat at the sight of his face in the swirling lights, stern and hard as he regarded the man across from you, eyes cold. 

“And just who the hell are you?” The man asked angrily, although he removed his hand, finally, from your skin. 

“I’m her boyfriend.” Taehyung stated simply, his hand coming down to rest on your shoulder. “So it’s be best for everyone if you left now.” 

Grumbling something under his breath, and shooting one more glance at the formidable man beside you, the man slunk off into the rowd, drink in hand. 

Letting out a sigh, and feeling slightly sad as Taehyung removed his hand from your shoulder for some unknown reason, you said quietly, as he took the now empty seat across from you, “Thank you for that. You’re a godsend.” 

He chuckled, motioning to the bartender for a drink, as he glanced over at you in the dim lights, his eyes dark with shadow, blonde hair slicked back from his forehead, just in the way you always remembered. “Yeah, well, some guys are assholes.” 

“you’re not.” you couldn’t help pointing out, as you blushed at your own brazen statement and took a long sip of your drink, the liquid coating your throat. 

“I can be.” Taehyung stopped lifting his cup to his mouth, regarding you with eyes filled with regret, his lips pressed into a thin line, something hidden behind his expression that you couldn’t quite place. 

You knew what he was referring to, but you didn’t touch on the break up, as you quietly sipped your drinks. 

Finishing your second martini, you dropped some cash onto the bar and stood, gathering your things as you said awkwardly, “Anyway, thanks again, Tae. I really appreciate it.” 

“Yeah, no problem.” He waved a hand at you, that same hint of something you couldn’t place darkening his eyes, before he said, “Get home safe.” 

You felt defeated. You had hoped he would say something else, although you knew it was futile. So instead of saying anything more, you murmured, “Thanks, I will, “ under your breath before pushing your way toward the exit of the club, disappointment heavy in your chest, tears gathering in the corners of your eyes. 

Exiting into the cool night air, you looked for a taxi, just as you heard the door bang open behind you, and Taehyung’s voice call out, almost in a panic, “(Y/N)! Wait!” 

Spinning on your heel in surprise, you came face to face with him, as he almost plowed into you, his hands gripping your arms to steady you, as he said breathlessly, “Wait. Don’t go.” 

“Tae...” You started to say, the crushing feeling of defeat still heavy in your chest as you studied him-the same flawless face you remembered, the same curly hair falling over his brow, the same serious expression in his dark eyes. 

You didn’t want to hear what he had to say. He wasn’t going to “un” break up with you and your pining was only hurting. 

But before you could say anything else, his fingers tightened around your upper arms and his mouth was on your own, and all thoughts were gone from your head, as his lips melded with yours, and his tongue slipped between the part you had created, causing you to sigh softly against him, feeling him tense slightly beneath you in reaction, as he deepened the kiss. 

And all too soon, it was over, and he was pulling back from you, and both of your were gasping for breath, and he was offering you that same old boxy grin, as he said cheekily, his fingers stroking down your cheekbone, “I meant what I  said to that asshole in there. I’m your boyfriend. That is, if that’s what you want again.” 

You smiled and pulled his head down to yours once more, connecting your lips, and instead of answering with words, you showed him exactly how you felt about his proposition. 

JEON JUNGKOOK

You stood beside the punch bowl at the reception, pouring yourself another glass, hoping against hope that this stuff was spiked with something a little stronger than just Kool Aid, when he approached you. 

You almost spilled the glass of red liquid in your hand, as the voice, his voice, deep and smooth, like dark chocolate, washed over you. 

“Hey,(Y/N). It’s been a long time.” 

Turning around, careful not to spill on yourself, eyes wide, you made sure it was him, really him, before you placed a careful look of casual interest on your face, even though your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your throat, as you offered him a polite smile and said, “Jeon Jungkook. Imagine running into you here.” 

“Well, it is a small town.” He offered, reaching for the punch ladle, as he flashed you a grin, not helping your already stuttering heart. “Bride or groom?” 

You shake your head, physically trying to gather your thoughts, as he walks with you to a nearby table. “Groom.” You say, sitting down beside him, fingers curled nervously around your plastic cup. 

Damn it all. 

Jeon Jungkook had been good looking in high school, and you didn’t think he could do any better, but tonight, five years later, at your cousin’s wedding, dressed in a suit that fit his body perfectly, his dark hair slicked back off his forehead, he looked tasty enough to eat. 

And you couldn’t deny that the desire to taste him was creeping up in you like a wave against your previously fortified walls. 

“What?” You stuttered out suddenly, realizing he had asked you a question that you hadn’t hear, looking at you expectantly as he waited for an answer. 

“I asked how long you’ll be in town.” He offered you a smile, his bunny smile, that used to send your heart racing, just as it was doing now. 

“oh, uh.” You gulped down some of your punch, really wishing you had some vodka to add to it, as you wiped your mouth and then said, “I’m just here until Monday. I Have to get back to work.” 

“Yeah, me too.” He said, shaking his head slightly, as he sipped at his punch. 

Drumming your fingers on the table, you tried to sneak covert glances at him from the corner of your eye, watching as he drank the rest of his punch, his jawline, shit, his jawline, sharp enough to cut glass as it bunched beneath his skin. 

He glanced at you, and you looked away, as he set his now empty cup down, before you heard him clear his throat. “Hey, (Y/N). Can I ask you something?” 

You wanted to say no, to leave, before he could ask you whatever it is he wanted to. You had seen enough bad romantic comedies to know that the heroine always got herself in trouble when she agreed to answer a question. 

But you couldn’t help yourself. He was too cute, suddenly seeming nervous, as he trilled his fingers on the knees of his suit pants. 

“Yeah, go ahead.” You said, biting down the common sense that was trying to claw its way up your throat. 

“Were you.....” He hesitated, no loner meeting your gaze, before he urged himself onward. “Were you okay after i broke up with you?” 

You swallowed hard, your mouth suddenly dry. “I mean...” Now it was your turn to hesitate. “It was a high school relationship, Jungkook. I knew it wouldn’t last forever.” 

“yeah.” He agreed, sitting back in his chair, eyes finally meeting yours. “But I know you had a shitty time.” 

“How do you know that?” You asked, trying to keep the bite from your tone, as you remembered all the times you had cried over the exact boy that was now sitting in front of you. 

“Because I had a shitty time.” He said simply, fingers ceasing their movements on his knees as he watched you, eyes unreadable. 

“what?” is all you managed to say, in shock at his sudden confession, as he leaned toward you, one hand going hesitantly over yours on the top of the table. 

You glanced down at your intertwined fingers, so much older now than they had been the last time you held hands, as he said carefully, “Look, I broke up with you because I was stupid, I was young, I got scared.” He shrugged slightly as you met his gaze again, eyes burning with sincerity as they regarded you. “I knew you were the real deal, but as a high school senior, I didn’t want to face that huge revelation.” 

“Jungkook...” You breathed out between parted lips, unwittingly tightening your grip on his hand. 

“Look, (Y/N).” He plowed on, letting out a heavy sigh as his free hand went up to rake through his neat hair. “I’ll understand if you can’t forgive me, but I’d really like to try this, try us,” He motioned between the two of you, “Again, if you’re willing to give me another chance. I’ve grown up a lot.” He offered you a rueful smile across the table. 

You were speechless for a moment, staring at him, at the boy you had loved in high school, the boy you had loved ever since, and then you grinned at him, the old feelings comfortably settling back to place in your chest, as if they had never left. 

“Jeon Jungkook. Let’s get out of here.” 

[koholinthibiscus]

My Tumblr Journey and mental health

What the hell is this?  Where am I? What do I do and how do I do it?

You often hear of people getting to their 30′s and feeling more comfortable in their skin and just owning, accepting and loving themselves.  Well, maybe it’s because I need psychotherapy, and maybe it’s because I’ve come into adulthood in a period with huge economic and political upheaval as well as a pandemic; but I don’t feel that way.  I feel simultaneously old and young.  clueless about young things (like tmblr) and clueless about old things (like mortgages... even though I have one) 

I’ve deleted Facebook and use twitter sparingly these days so the reason joined this site is to purely vent.  To write my thoughts out and send them into the internet ether to languish, probably ignored.  But just getting it out might make all the difference to my physical and mental well being so I’m just going to give it a shot and see where things go. 

I feel terribly alone and isolated.  I have a type of social anxiety that you probably wouldn't notice.  You might just think I’m an idiot or a bitch.  You might barely acknowledge my existence.  I’m pretty average so I may not register.  But when I’m done talking I will think and think and think about it.  How did I come across?  why the fuck did I say that?  You think I’m a fucking idiot don’t you?  I will simply torture myself forever and ever.  And I avoid social interaction, especially with new people, as much as I can.  I can just about manage in a workplace setting but all my energy for this is taken up with that. 

I feel unheard, unseen and unsatisfied.  I feel a lump in my throat and a weight in my chest.  I feel exhausted and headachey most of the time.  I can’t bear this current situation.  I have a visceral hate for my country.  I can’t bear sad news.  I can’t cope with news that implicates humans as ignorant, unsympathetic, inhumane creatures.  I feel deep sadness at the existential threat our planet faces and confusion and sadness when I realise that barely anyone in my real life feels the same urgency and guilt.  I have changed my lifestyle (probably not enough) to try and alleviate the guilt but it hasn’t worked.  

So I get into things to try and distract myself; fandoms, stories, subjects, video games, novels and I feel sad about it because I feel useless “not good at it” or that they’re a waste of time.  I hate myself so much that my hobbies make me sad. How stupid is that?  I’ve recently been getting into DnD during lock down and watching critical role.  I enjoy it but it makes me sooooo sad and jealous that I don’t have a strong friend group like that who can enjoy playing DnD with the same level of fun, ease and camaraderie.  It literally hurts my heart and I’ve been feeling weird for days.  So I’ve tried to make myself better by consuming things.  I’ve bought a new set of dice and bought some unrelated books.  

I skip from one subject or thing to the next feeling unsatisfied and discontent.  I don’t practice things, I don’t finish things.  I give up. And I feel like I’m giving up at life. I am lazy and stupid.  My hobbies, likes and interests feel like a plaster over a gaping wound and was working but it’s not any more. Getting lost in a fantasy world just makes me feel sad I can’t create my own or be with a group of friends, either on line or on person where I can create together. 

I am petrified of parent hood.  I have an amazing 3 year old.  She is a marvel. But I have a constant dread of failing her. Doing too much, doing too little.  I want her to strive for happiness.  Take on hard things, work at things till she’s good at them, whatever it may be.  I honestly don’t care what as long as she enjoys it, has a passion for it and is ultimately happy.  I want to push her, but I don’t want to push her too much.  I worry about sending wrong messages.  I worry about not doing enough with her.  I do not want to bring her up the way that my mother brought me up. I am terrified of repeating the same mistakes. 

I’m ultimately a kind person who is trying their best but can’t unleash my true potential due to depression, anxiety and self-confidence issues.  I get so angry and sad at people who don’t follow the same ideals as me.  which.... isn’t ideal.  I can’t stand TERFs, racists, ableists, misogynists, right wing people, climate change deniers, ignorant people.  I can’t stand it when people think that poor people only have themselves to blame.  I hate capitalism and colonialism.  I want to change the way the world operates even if it is to my detriment as a white CIS English women living in comfort.  I feel trapped in suburbia where nothing changes and no one looks or is different.  

I don’t mean to fetishize certain communities with that statement and I reliaze that it’s probably ignorant of me to suggest that everyone is the same too, given that I struggle to interact with people.  And I’m not suggesting that I’m some sort of special flower  or that ‘I’m not like other women’ (eeww) either, I know there are people out there I would probably get on with but like I say, I struggle.

It frustrates me when people don’t feel the same way politically.  I think that people’s politics are based on their morals so I struggle with conservatives for example.  I don’t understand them or where they come from.  I want things that people need to be owned by the public and free at the point of access, healthcare being the main one and I fear for the future of the NHS.  Yes, even if it means higher taxes (but I obviously want the super rich taxed more) I don’t believe billionaires should exist.  I want universal basic income.  If the human race keeps breeding, if we keep suffering from pandemics, if we progress technologically to the point where mechanization is even more prevalent, we will not need people to have jobs.  We need UBI to level the playing field.  And I want a vegan world.  All of the above makes my head swim with anger and despair.  What type of world will my child have to endure when she gets to my age?  I fucking hope it’s better than this.  I can honestly say that I believe I am on the right side of history with my politics.  It is ultimately about being kind and humane.  But no... I’m probably seen as a soft SJW snowflake keyboard warrior twat by my family (which is why I went off facebook).  Even though I have a masters in Gender studies and a career in social justice work, but sure, I’m just after the ‘internet points’ or want to look ‘woke’.  I feel like not many people truly know me and if they do know all of the above and don’t like what  they see,  I don’t know man, that kills me.  I want people to think well of me. I want people to think I am a good person. 

I could yap on for ages about this honestly but it would make little sense.

I think I wanted to start this as a place to get my feelings down because I am starting a journey of therapy soon.  My sessions should begin in September but I feel the need to get stuff out now.  I’m having a bit of a shit time in my head right now and I felt like I would burst. 

I’m already worried that I will appear stupid and self centered.  There is nothing particularly wrong with my life.  I have a good job that I love but am also petrified of it and of getting it wrong so I self sabotage, worry and don’t believe in my abilities and I’ve been doing that since college.  (I need to un pack how I feel about work and my actions around it, I have a lot of thoughts, maybe for another time) 

I pick the spots on my face till they become angry red welts, I pick the skin around my nails till they get infected and then I hate myself for how I look, even though it was my fault in the first place.  I don’t shower, don’t wash my face, don’t get enough sleep then look in the mirror and see my greasy lank hair, baggy grey eyes and bad skin and I just hate myself.  Is this an analogy for the entirety of my personality? I am my own worst enemy and I need to give myself a fucking break.  Easier said than done. 

Things to unpack in therapy: 

My work 

My politics and how I interact, deal with people who don’t feel the same way as me

My child hood and family dynamics - It’s fucked up y’all. 

My Child

My husband 

My past relationship

The sick thing I do at night when i think about horrible things, like the death of my child for no god damn reason. (Is it punishment?) 

It’s frustrating being so aware of my issues and not feeling able to do anything about it. 

It’s probably an effect of lock down but I have been feeling really bad consistently for a very long period of time now and it’s exhausting.  I always have peaks and troughs, feel great to OK for sometimes a good few months then it just comes down on me like a bag of hammers and I feel like death for 2-4 weeks.  

I’ve been having those hiccups more often and for longer.  I’m so fucking tired man.  A couple of months ago a I had a terrible headache for 4 days, could barely move and felt tearful all the time.  I just thought it was a migraine attack at the time (which I very very rarely have) but I coincided with a particular event that I’m not ready to talk about (It’s really not that juicy it’s quite fucking pathetic actually) and I think it was a major depressive episode. 

I think I’m done now, I’m emotionally exhausted after reading this through and my throat hurts from trying not to cry.  Maybe this is the start of my tumblr journey maybe I’ll delete it all in a few days I don’t know.  I had to try something. 

[the-letter-horror-lover]

A minor slip up

Proshipalex

Summary:

Sebastian is helping host a tea party for Ciel. While serving tea to people he actually lets himself relax for once, and let his guard down. One danger he didn't take into account was his own self, and he inevitably slips up and says something embarrassing.

Notes:

I got this prompt from @daemonophile on twitter! you should check them out!

https://twitter.com/daemonophile

Work Text:

Sunrise. That's when Sebastian got up to make sure everything was perfect for the young master. He cleaned the manor top to bottom, then had to help the others prepare breakfast. He then would rush to Ciels quarters and gently awake him, and guide him through getting dressed and prepped for the day. Today was a normal, ordinary day. So why did it feel different?

Perhaps it was because he still had ciels scratch marks on his back from the night before.

There was a natural progression of things. They didn’t just suddenly decide to take their relationship to a romantic place, and Ciel was actually the one who initiated it. He didn’t mind though. He usually wasn’t a fan of relationships but something about this young boy was different. Of course, at the end of the day he was still food. But a soul that’s emotionally invested in him is ever more sweet.

Though something did feel off about today, and he still wasn’t sure what it was. It was as Ciel was yapping away outside during tea time that he really realized. The way Ciel moved, the way he spoke. The way he ordered Sebastian around without a care in the world. He found it… endearing.

Oh dear. Now that’s a new one.

He didn’t expect to actually feel anything back for the boy. He was willing to play around and to call Ciel cute names in the dark but to feel genuine endearment towards him? This would make things complicated.

He took a look at the guests they had today. Everybody was here. Mey-Rin, Finn, Baldroy, Elizabeth, and many others. It was a tea party that had been planned for a while. A way to let the young master catch up with people and retain his social standing. While serving people Sebastian noticed his head was wandering to other places. Ciels tone, his physique. Sebastian rarely allowed his mind to wander, but this place should be safe. He didn’t sense any danger, so just this once, he thought it’d be okay to let his mind wander how it wanted. He thought it’d be okay to let his guard down.

“Sebastian, more tea” the young master said, holding his cup out impatiently for Sebastian. Sebastian rushed over as usual, and couldn’t help himself. When he saw the pouty face Ciel made when he had to wait half a second longer for another cup of tea, he couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. “Yes, My love”

Silence

You see, Sebastian considered a million options before he decided to let himself relax. He figured nothing could possibly go wrong. One thing he forgot to account for though, is himself.

“What did you just say, Sebastian?!” Ciel yelled back at him, His face completely red. For once, Sebastian was speechless. Why did he say that? How could he be that stupid?

“I...my..my apologies my lord” he muttered, feeling his own cheeks heat up. Embarrassment? That was not a normal feeling he experienced as well.

“It will not happen again. My mind was just wandering, to my late wife” he said, a perfect smile afterwards. He had regained control over the situation. Nobody would dare ask a man like Sebastian about his obviously dead wife, that would be in very poor taste. And nobody would fault him for such a little slip up. But he knew the truth. And so did Ciel.

He poured Ciel a new cup of tea, and leaned in close to him to whisper as he often did.

“You make such a lovely wife, my love” He chuckled as he stepped back and continued on with his job, leaving Ciel a sputtering mess. Socially, they were fine. It was a small blubber. But once they were alone, there was a whole new slew of issues. Sebastian knew the servants would harass him over this mystery wife of his, and he knew he couldn’t just show a picture of Ciel in a dress and call it good. He would have to be persistent in not wanting to talk about it, and even fain some semblance of fake grief to do so. But that was at the very least doable.

What he really dreaded is how Ciel would react when they were alone. He figured tonight would be very interesting indeed.

Series this work belongs to:

Part 1 of Unedited Oneshots + Drabbles Next Work →

Poisoned Paradise

MariaTheFirst

Summary:

You were surprised when this pale tall man approached you and asked you to become a housemaid. You’ve heard about the Phantomhive family before, but you never really had a reason to pay it any attention. And now, here you were, being asked to work for the ‘young master’ by his handsome but very dangerously looking butler with bewitching red eyes, Sebastian Michaelis.

Notes:

Hello and welcome to my very first published fanfiction. I hope you'll enjoy it and that I'll be able to finish it :D

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Beginnig

Chapter Text

You were surprised when this pale tall man approached you and asked you to become a housemaid. You’ve heard about the Phantomhive family before, but you never really had a reason to pay it any attention. And now, here you were, being asked to work for the ‘young master’ by his handsome but very dangerously looking butler with bewitching red eyes, Sebastian Michaelis.

‘I saw that you are very capable. That is something our young master values a lot,’ the black haired man smiled at you in a way that send shivers down your spine. He was talking about your performance. You performed as an acrobat knife-thrower.

‘I hardly believe that I would be suitable to work as a maid in a noble place such as the Phantomhive manor,’ confused I replied, unsure where this conversation was heading.

‘Your duties would include taking care of the manor and its owner just as importantly as protecting its holding,’ another smile, ‘which is the reason I confronted you with this offer,’ Sebastian finished. So that was the point, they needed a bodyguard for the house? Not that your current ´job´ was that great, you made it through but you could use some extra money, working in a fancy manor didn’t really sound too bad. You’ve been living in that small and unappealing apartment for long enough now…

‘If you decided to join the servants, I would take you to the manor, where you’d be living in from now on,’ added the butler as if reading your mind. Now you were actually considering accepting this unusual offer. As you asked few details, you came to a decision.

‘I am very sorry, Mr. Michaelis, but in current situation I do not wish to become a maid. I apologize for wasting your time. My career is going well and the lack of excitement would darken my life. I hope you understa-’ you were cut off by his low melodic laugh.

‘If the lack of excitement is what you’re worried about, then there’s not a single reason for you not to come with me,’ he smiled yet again, but this time you saw strange pink sparkles in his crimson eyes as he made a step closer to you, so close that you could easily touch him right now. Your heart started beating a bit faster, but you managed to look him steadily in the eyes.

‘You might be right… I-.. I accept your offer, when shall I arrive to the manor?’

* * *

This was your first day as a servant in the Phantomhive manor. You were nervous more than before any of your performance. You looked at your reflection in a mirror in your new room. It was unusual for you to wear dresses, but this maid uniform really suited you, hiding your flaws and bringing up your perks.

You were about to meet your new master for the first time, trying to make the best first impression you tried to adjust your (h/c) hair for the last time, put a slightly nervous smile on your face you left your room, heading towards kitchen where you were supposed to meet Sebastian and the others. As your entered the kitchen, eyes of everyone were immediately set on you.

‘(Y/N), it’s very nice to see you,’ Baldroy smiled with a grin. ‘Oh, the pleasure’s all mine,’ you replied with similar expression on your face. ‘I’m so glad you’ll be joining us, oh yes I am,’ said Meirin and hugged you. You couldn’t see her eyes, but you knew for sure they were sparkling with excitement. You smiled warmly and lightly hugged her back. A moment later you were lying on the floor as a naked man knocked you over and started licking your face. You were genuinely horrified! What on Earth was happening just now?!

You heard Finny scolding the naked man and pushing him off of you. After being shouted at the naked man ran away on all four legs. You, still sitting on the cold floor looked his direction, unable to understand the situation. Finny started apologizing and talking something about demon dogs, but he stopped when he saw you sitting on the floor with your eyes wide open. While Baldroy was busy looking at you, apparently amused, Meirin concerned and shocked, you heard someone laugh quietly.

You were offered a hand clothed in white glove. As Sebastian gently pulled you up on your legs, you realized that it was his deep laugh you heard. Now standing you found yourself very close to the butler once again and your heart started pounding. You blushed slightly and made a step away. ‘Thank you,’ you said so quietly you weren’t sure he’d heard you.

‘I believe it is time we introduce you to the young master.’ With nothing else Sebastian left the kitchen. You quickly went after him, following him to the young master’s study. Sebastian knocked on the door and entered the room. It very nicely decorated, in the middle of the room, sitting behind big wooden table was a young boy.

Even though you knew, that the Earl and heir of the Phantomhive manor, you were a bit surprised when you saw him yourself for the first time. You however managed to keep your courtesy, bowing a little saying ‘it is great honour to meet you, master, and labour in your mansion.’

Young Earl nodded his head. ‘Welcome, (Y/N), I hope you are going to adjust very soon.’ After Ciel’s words Sebastian smiled, ‘I’ll make sure of that, young master.’ You shortly turned your gaze in his direction, which turned out to be a very bad idea. His smile almost made you shiver. You quickly looked back at the young master. It seemed that the meeting was over, so you excused yourself, bowed once more and left the room.

As you were standing back in the corridor, you relaxed against the wall, breathing out, for a second. Then you decided to go back to the kitchen to see if others are still there. When you arrived to the kitchen, Sebastian was already there giving out task. You looked at him, confused how in hell did he get there before you, since you didn’t even see him leave the study. Everyone went to do their job, except for Baldroy, who didn’t need to leave, since the kitchen was his workplace. Sebastian then approached you, standing a little bit too close to your liking, he asked you to follow him. You arrived to the dining room.

‘Lady Elizabeth Midford, young master’s fiancée, will be visiting the manor this afternoon. I want you to take care of the dining room and prepare a picnic outside,’ Sebastian uttered. You were still looking at him with slight disbelieve, which didn’t go unnoticed. ‘Is something wrong, (Y/N),’ Sebastian asked smilingly. You weren’t sure whether to ask him about it or not, but decided to go for it. ‘How did you manage to get to the kitchen before me? I left first and we certainly haven’t met on the way.’

Sebastian just smiled again, ‘what kind of butler would I be if I couldn’t even do that,’ and avoided answering. Even though you were expecting something like that, you felt dissatisfaction. To get rid of this feeling you decided to just end the conversation and get to your work. As you retreated, Sebastian quietly left you alone in the room. First you got cleaning supplies and made sure the dining room was spotless. Then you went outside, looking for the gardener.

‘Finnyyy?’ You didn’t know where exactly to look for him so you were just wandering around calling his name. After few minutes you saw the cute young man running towards you with a bright smile on his face.

‘Hello, (Y/N)! Did you need something?’ Finnian was still smiling, with his blond hair he reminded you of a sunflower. ‘Hi, Finny, yes, I’d like to ask you, if you had any flowers I could use for decoration,’ you repaid the smile. Finnian nodded and promised to bring them to you in a minute to the mansion. You slowly went back to the manor, looking around you and appreciating the surroundings. But the whole time you couldn’t get rid of a strange feeling… As if someone was watching you.

Chapter 2: Need any help?

Notes:

Oh my, I can't even believe it! Someone is actually reading this!? Thanks you so much :D

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It’s been quite some time since you started working here. As you reminded yourself, you weren’t just a maid, for which reason you stocked yourself with throwing knives and continued training every day, awaiting attack. But nothing was happening. Weeks slowly turned into months and you realized that you were just regular maid. Not that your life wasn’t better in a way, the manor was a great place to live at, even the servant quarters, everyone was really nice, but… Something was missing.

With these gloomy thought you were wandering through the garden one evening after work. You didn’t expect to meet anyone, neither you wanted, despite all of that you realized that you’ve run into Finnian. You saw him play fetch with Pluto in his dog form. You preferred Pluto that way. Now you knew how things were with him, but still the thought of a naked man running around, licking people made you a little uncomfortable. The demon dog noticed you first, he sniffed and started running your direction.

It made you smile, as this silly goofball was running towards you happily. You took a step back just to gain balance, so Pluto wouldn’t knock you over again. Seconds later you were laughing, laying on the ground with Pluto everywhere around you, licking you, poking and snuggling. You just couldn’t help but loved that creature. You caught the sounds of Finnian laughing as well, Pluto then released you and went for a branch for you to throw him. Finny offered his hand to help you back on your feet, you smilingly accepted.

It was very nice spending the evening with Finnian having a nice chat while throwing the branch for Pluto. You were taking turns, but every time Finny threw the branch it flew unbelievably far and it took Pluto much longer to bring it back. You were now both sitting on a bench. You were sitting with your legs crossed, so your knee was almost touching Finny’s legs. Even during the chat, you still felt that strange feeling of being watched.

After few minutes, Finny went to look for a new branch, since the old one was already chewed. Running around, looking everywhere except for his own steps, Finny tripped and smacked himself on the ground. You couldn’t help but chuckle, he was adorable being this silly. You quickly ran to him, this time you offering your hand to him. You pulled him up, both smiling like crazy.

At that exact moment you felt the strange feeling become much stronger. Suddenly, without seeing him arrive, Sebastian was standing in front of you, frowning.

‘S-Sebastian-,’ you realized you were still holding Finnian’s hand. You slowly put it down and let go. You saw his crimson eyes blazing with pink shade. It made you tremble.

‘(Y/N), I would prefer you not being outside this late, you might catch a cold,’ Sebastian said with voice that was more likely to make you catch a cold than the weather.

‘I-I’m sorry,’ you apologized, not really sure what for, since you haven’t really done anything wrong.

‘Sebastian, please don’t be mad at her, it’s my fault,’ Finny interfered and tried to take the blame. You had to remind yourself, that you haven’t done anything.

Sebastian just smiled coldly and muttered through his teeth, ‘how chivalrous.’ Then he just left without another word. You felt really bad about what happened, not even sure why. You didn’t want to make Sebastian mad, even though you had no idea how you managed to do it. You looked at Finny and tried to smile.

‘I guess we should head back now,’ you said.

‘Yeah, enough fun for one day. And… I also wouldn’t want you to catch a cold.’

* * *

The servants’ quarters in the Phantomhive manor really were beautiful. Of course your room was small, but nicely furnished. You had really comfortable bed, big wardrobe, full-body sized mirror, cabinet and even a big table with a padded chair. The bathroom you shared with others was also really nice.

And there you were right now, few hours after that incident with Sabastian, soaking in the tub, thinking about what exactly happened. After a while you decided not to sweat it and just relax. But even as you leaned on in the tub, you still couldn’t get the butler out of your head. He was a very handsome man, you knew that for the beginning, but there was much more to him. His eyes, when they looked at you felt like he could see right through you. The pink sparkles that always made your hearth race, set your whole body on fire. His deep velvety voice, the way he pronounced your name. The danger his body was emitting never ceased to excite you.

As you were thinking about this mysterious butler, your arms hugged your own torso tightly. Then you realized what was going on. Thinking about your superior in such a way! That couldn’t do any good… Plus he was currently mad at you for some reasons that were unknown to you. That brought you back to your gloomy mood, you decided to get out of the tub. You dried your hair and with only a towel around your body you left the bathroom, since your room was only around the corner. You were holding all of your things in your arms and when you arrived to your door you realized, you couldn’t open it. Judging if it would be easier to just lay your things on the floor or if you could open it with your leg, you were standing there.

Luckily for you… there was someone who was willing to help you out of this unfortunate situation. When you heard someone clear their throat right behind you, you quickly turned only to face Sebastian. You immediately blushed deeply since you were standing there practically naked in front of your superior, whom you were thinking about just a while ago.

‘Do you need any help, (Y/N),’ asked Sebastian with a sly smile. You felt like you’re unable to speak, but surprisingly (mostly for you) you managed to voice a sentence.

‘If you could open my door for me, please.’ That’s it. Sebastian widened his smile, now almost grinning and instead of going around you, he just made a step even closer to you. He opened the door nearly hugging you from behind. As soon as the door was open you jumped from his closeness, now in your room you turned to face him again, absolutely sure that your face was completely red.

‘Thank you, Sebastian,’ you blurted, closing the door with your foot, ‘and good night.’ But before you could close the door, his foot stopped the door in its motion. Sebastian smiled at your surprised expression, leaned in to grab the handle, his face now very close to yours.

‘Good night, (Y/N),’ Sebastian whispered and then just closed the door. You kept staring blankly at the door for quite some times, unable to process what just happened. You finally went to your bed, laying your things on the table on your way. You lied down and buried yourself in the softness of your bed. Your cold body was getting hot again, you shat your eyes closed, seeing Sebastian’s face just centimetres from your, reliving the feeling of his tall slim body pressed against yours, his deep voice whispering to you…

Yet again your mind was occupied with the tall butler, this time you didn’t even try to stop it as you fell asleep, no longer missing the adventure and blood rush of a fight. ‘Things might get more interesting around Sebastian from now on’ went through your mind before you dozed off.

Notes:

Thank you for reading once again, I hope you liked this chapter.. I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep up this pace, but I'll certainly do my best :) thanks for kudos and comments :3

Chapter 3: Hunger

Notes:

Hi, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, I know it's not very long, but what can I say, this is the best I've got :D

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Next few days went quite quickly, everyone was busy with their work around the house, yet still you always found a second to take a fast glance in Sebastian’s direction. Since that night you couldn’t get him out of your head. All the details were constantly occupying your thoughts, wondering what else could have happened… But since then Sebastian never seemed to notice you more than just for work purposes.

You were starting to think it didn’t mean anything at all, feeling a bit silly that you ever though it could be a proof of interest. Silly and disappointed. One evening as you finished your chores for the day, you decided to take a little walk outside, since the weather was really nice that day. Leaving the manor you waved at Pluto, beckoning him. He ran towards you, still in his human form.

‘Would you like to go for a walk?’ you asked, smiling when his eyes widened with excitement after the word ‘walk’. You lead the way, but Pluto soon overrun you, now in his dog form, running around. After a while you couldn’t see him anywhere. You called his name and regretted it within a second. You could see him pop out of bushes, turning towards the sound and immediately setting to run.

Simple ‘why did I do that’ went through your head and you could almost see yourself on the ground under the licking attack of the vicious demon dog. Luckily for you, Pluto got distracted by something on the way, you thank the god and promise yourself to be more careful in the future.

After some time walking and throwing Pluto things to find and bring back you decide that it’s time to head back to the manor, not wanting to be outside too late. You call Pluto’s name so that he knows about the change of direction and get on your way. You suddenly hear Pluto whine happily, you turn to look at what he has found, to see Sebastian standing not far for you, looking at you. Surprised you stare at him for a second.

‘Sebastian... I didn’t see you coming,’ you said, unsure how to talk to him. You were still confused and unsure what to think. But this was probably a good opportunity to elicit his point of view. ‘I was just heading back to the manor.’

‘I see.’ His voice was soft yet dark. With few steps he shortened the distance between the two of you, which made you hold your breath. Looking him directly in his eyes, you parted your lips wanting to ask him about that night, wanting him to come even closer, to embrace you with his strong arms, wanting to…

You realized you were again just staring at him, now with your mouth open. You looked away and blushed. As if he could read your mind, he made another one step closer to you, almost touching you. You simply craved for his touch, desiring to kiss him.

‘Y/N,’ he whispered softly. You looked back at him, you whole sight and mind captured by his gentle expression. Your eyes then slipped from his tender eyes to his lips. You incautiously bit your own lips and Sebastian chuckled in his deepest voice. He raised his hand to your face, stroking your jawline with his forefinger. But in the very next second he stiffened and you say a blaze in his eyes. His face darkened as he spoke.

‘I have to go, young master is calling for me.’

You were just straight up confused. What was happening? Why was he caressing you one second and leaving the other? You frowned.

‘But…’ you tried to say something even though you knew it would be in vain. Sebastian looked you deeply in your eyes, raising your face closer to his. Your hearth started pounding instantly, you could feel your whole body flex as to get closer to Sebastian.

Sebastian leaned in, but still not close enough to unite your lips. Your bottom lip trembling you were awaiting the kiss eagerly. Sebastian then moved with his lips near your ear only to whisper in the most seductive tone you have ever heard in your entire live.

‘The hungrier one is, the more satisfying one’s dinner’

And then he just disappeared. You sighed, annoyed, upset and disappointed. But the moment you realized what exactly just happened and what it meant, those feelings were superseded by sheer delight. This meant something, this definitely was a proof of interest. And it also assured you about your interest as well. If until now you couldn’t stop thinking about that handsome butler, now it was going to be a real hell.

When you got to your room, you had to hold yourself not to scream from excitement. Sebastian almost kissed your, just remembering that moment made your hearth beat faster. Yet it all still felt a bit bittersweet, since you did not get that kiss you desired so much.

On the other hand, the sentence Sebastian left you with sounded very… promising. And that did not help your poor hearth to calm down a little bit. You bit your lower lip in anticipation. You couldn’t help but blushed again, your whole face getting hot. Feeling hungry you were really looking forward to that dinner. Going through your evening rituals, there was a constant grin on your face that was probably going to stay for some time.

Later on, lying in bed you dreamt of Sebastian’s firm embrace as you fell asleep, looking forward to the new day and everything that might happen.

For everyone else it might have seem like a regular morning, but not for you. When Sebastian was giving out orders for that day, in moment when no one else was watching he send you a little crooked smile. And even though that’s nothing that tremendous, it made your heart go fast once again, it made your cheeks rose up a little and mostly, it made you feel happy and joyful.

The whole day everything was going your way. As you were shining the cutlery, you were humming a melody to yourself. And your cheerful mood was soon to attract attention.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading, thanks to everyone leaving kudos and comments, I'm really happy about this :) I'll try to update asap, but I can't promise you anything :Ď

Chapter 4: Thirst

Notes:

I'm back and I'M SO SORRY! I don't want to make excuses, but I had a lot of things going on, however I'm here now, determined to finish this in some reasonable time :D

Chapter Text

As time went on, you started to feel impatient, eager even. Not that Sebastian wouldn’t pay you any attention, but it was never just what you wanted. You received few of his irresistible smiles, some of his desirous glances that set your whole body on fire, but you’ve never really got to talk about what is going on between the two of you. If there even was anything going on, you reminded yourself.

You tried your best not to pay him more attention than was necessary, but that was easier said than done, since it was Sebastian, who you were thinking about. Even after you started this ‘silent treatment’ nothing changed. And you would be lying if you said that you weren’t a bit disappointed. You told yourself that this was probably just him having some fun with you, without any real interest, so you decided to forget about everything that happened.

* * *

One night, as you were lying in your bed and reading a book, feeling sudden thirst burning in your throat, you rose yourself up from your comfortable nest and headed to the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water.

As you arrived in the kitchen, you found out that it was not empty. Expecting to see Baldroy cleaning some of the mess he made that day, you smiled warmly, with bright ‘hello’. What you were not expecting was Sebastian standing there with a tea set, apparently preparing a late night drink. ‘Oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else,’ you apologized, not really sure for what, and your sight would fall to the ground, as you become uncomfortable at once.

‘Good evening, Y/N,’ Sebastian said, smiling softly. You tried to avoid his gaze, but it just drew your look anyway. Seeing that smile made your heart ache. You made your way to the cupboard in silence, taking out a glass for yourself. In just two steps, Sebastian took your hand holding the glass into his own hands and gently took the glass.

‘Let me, please’ he whispered quietly, you hearing him only thanks to the very close distance. You let go of the glass, standing there flustered as Sebastian poured you a glass of water. In a short moment, he was back, handing you the glass. You took it with breathy ‘thank you’ and a smile. Seeing your smile after such a long time, Sebastian leaned even closer.

‘Y/N’ his gaze so intense, you were sure he was looking right through your whole being, ‘Y/N, I missed you.’ Your eyes widened in surprise. You weren’t even expecting him to notice the absence of your attention anymore, nor him missing it. ‘Y/N,’ Sebastian repeated your name as if it held some special meaning as he pulled you closer in an embrace. For a second you were just stunned, unable to move or talk, but when you got your senses back, you buried yourself even more in Sebastian’s chest, pulling him closer. You barely heard him sight in relief. You were enjoying the embrace, the way Sebastian’s scent filled your lungs, the way his firm arms held you tightly yet gently at the same time, it was all so intoxicating.

After few moments, it was all almost too much as you felt dizzy, your head spinning. You let your hand fall from holding Sebastian's torso, making a step from him. You looked straight to his eyes, waiting for some sort of explanation of his point of view on this. But nothing came, there he was, staring back at you.

Feeling restless, you decided to voice the question. ‘Sebastian, I just want to kno-’ you were interrupted mid-sentence by Sebastian’s hand that found its way to the back of your neck, tilting your head slightly. ‘I hope this will answer your questions,’ Sebastian said in his lowest voice, his face so close you could feel his hot breath on your lips. You swallowed hard, staring at him in surprise, unsure what was going to happen next, but hoping it will be soon.

You felt his hand in your hair, almost closing your eyes in pleasure, as Sebastian finally closed the distance and pressed his lips to yours. The feeling of his lips against yours was almost driving you insane, his lips thin but soft, you kissed them repeatedly, his other hand on your waist, holding you still.

Everything happened so fast that neither of your remembered the water, but when the sound of boiling hit your ear, Sebastian left the warmth of your body and the heat of your kiss to prepare the tea. You frowned a little, not wanting the moment to end. You also soon realized, that the kiss didn’t answer any of your questions, actually, it was the exact opposite since you felt even more confused than before. Meanwhile, Sebastian with the tea set in his hands seemed to be ready to leave the kitchen.

‘Sebastian, I still don’t understand anything,’ you said in sad voice. With deeply saddened expression, Sebastian answered: ‘Dear Y/N, I cannot tell you much, but I want to let you know, that you hold a great personal importance to me.’ You blushed at his words, feeling a bit better. ‘Does that mean tha-’ you were once again interrupted by Sebastian.

‘I have to go, young master is calling for me,’ turning his back to you with an apologetic look. This wasn’t the first time this happened. ‘How do you even know that? I couldn’t hear a thing,’ you asked. Sebastian just shot you one of his smiles, ‘what kind of butler would I be if I couldn’t even do that.’ That wasn’t a satisfying answer by any means, not now. ‘Sebastian, really. I don’t understand, how do you always know? And why do you always go? What is this duty?’

Sebastian turned to you one last time, his face serious once again. ‘That is of things I cannot tell you.’ Without any other word he left. You stood there for a while, not sure what to think about this situation, not sure how to feel about Sebastian and his behavior. Drinking the water, you returned to your room, laid back in your bed, not feeling any of the warm or comfort from before. What was he hiding? And why?

Notes:

Thank you very much for reading :) I'll do my best to update regularly. Also I'd be gratefull for any comments :)

[onfyexo]

Laundromat - Tom Holland x Reader Series

Warnings: angst (kinda), mentions of substance abuse metaphorically, language 

Ohhh shiiett! This may or may not be the last part of this little series! Read this and let me know if I should continue or leave it up to you’re own interpretation :’))

Part 4 - the feeling of withdrawal has such an effect on you and meanwhile, Tom keeps thinking about you after the departure

*Tom is in bold

https://soundcloud.com/ginsengxx/shes-in-my-dreams

-

On your drive back home, it was hard to focus on the road with the thoughts rushing through your mind. You had already slammed your head against the steering wheel once you saw Tom pull out of the parking lot first. You felt dumb, you felt stupid, yet you felt lucky and honored to have been in his presence; hence why you beat yourself up physically and mentally.

Driving seemed dangerous to you because of you. You definitely didn’t want to be anywhere else but home from then on. The feeling of withdrawal from Tom felt like a drug. You had injected yourself with his charisma and wanted to live off of his high forever; you didn’t care if you overdosed on him.

It took the strength you had to pull all your baskets out and carry them inside the house. And when you realized that Tom had touched the exact handles minutes earlier, you wanted to scream.

How am I supposed to get through the rest of the week after what just happened?

You debated whether or not you should call in “sick” for work tomorrow. You also debated whether or not you should post on social media about your bizarre encounter but you didn’t want others to disturb him if he came back to that same laundromat. Crowds of people could be waiting for him the next time he came and he would immediately feel let down and betrayed.

So many decisions and so many choices were open for you and yet, they all made you seem like a psycho. You could be that person who posted “I JJST FUCKSK MET TOM HOLLAND” on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr. But in all honesty, you were still trying to catch your breath.

The only action you could do once you stepped foot in your flat was plop on your bed and think about him to no end. You switched between multiple sleeping positions but nothing felt good enough. Sleeping in Tom’s arms felt so much better to you at the moment.

The tears came soon after and they were because of the love you felt. And you wondered if Tom would forget about you after today. Considering how busy he is, you were sure of it.

There’s no way he would even think about me after this?

But you would be surprised at what Tom was actually doing. Him on the other hand, kept replaying your facial expressions in his head while driving.

Damn. He thought.

His knuckled clasped his steering wheel hard; turning pale in the process. He had to tell Harrison about this while they went out to eat. Maybe talking with his best mate would help him decide if he should try and see you again.

They were going to a simple restaurant that was downtown. But first he had to change his clothes.

The same images flashed through him but he didn’t get tired of it. The way you looked at him intrigued him. The way you spoke to him intrigued him. The way you acted intrigued him.

He was actually glad that he had a certain place to remember you by if he was never able to see you again. He felt silly for praising a laundromat in his head but “oh fucking well” he thought.

-

“Shit dude! I didn’t even get their number or anything!”

Harrison was really surprised Tom was distressed over something like this. He witnessed his best friend stuttering every other word and having trouble picking up his food with a fork which shouldn’t even be that difficult. He could tell Tom was struck over with attachment in the most eccentric way.

“Tom listen to me, that was just today that you met them. And what if they were weirded out by you wanting to exchange numbers anyways!” Harrison exclaimed, trying to calm down his brother but to no avail.

“Ugh, I could tell they knew me.  They called me beautiful for fucks sake!”

“Wait! They said that?” Harrison almost choked on his drink while listening intently with caution.

“Yes man! I’ve never seen anything like it. And I want to keep seeing it, I don’t care.” Tom huffed with so much force and let his head fall in shame. His appetite wasn’t as strong as it usually was for today and he wondered if you were the cause. The tone of his voice had changed from excitement to tell a story, to anxiety that made him want to drop everything.

“I don’t know man. I guess you could can try and catch them next week. Maybe they go the same day every week and since today’s Sunday, do it next Sunday.”

Harrison felt sympathy for Tom and hoped his advice was meaningful. But Tom was treading on thin ice, and if he wanted to go farther than friendship with you, he would have to realize his risks. He would only wait until later to warn Tom if you were actually there again next week.

The rest of the brunch was silent except for when the server checked up on the two boys.

~

You had proceeded through your week semi-normal. You decided not to call in for work and push through everything. Daydreaming became more frequent though, and this damaged your coordination; even your co-workers and classmates could tell.

You would be lying to yourself if you said you hadn’t driven past the laundromat every other morning, hoping to see your russet-eyed boy. His Audi was nowhere to be found each time you checked so you gave up and concluded that his washer machine and dryer were just temporarily broken or not even installed yet.

Tom had continued on with his week in a clumsy fashion. He lost his train of thought more than ever. And practicing his scripts for upcoming films was a challenge. He found himself re-reading the same lines in a row before cursing at himself; causing Tessa to stir and look up at him with confusion.

He was aware that a friendship could blossom if he kept in contact. He knew you would open up to him, he just had to be gentle with you. You were a treasured delicacy to him and he didn’t care if he had to hear yapping from Harrison if he went further with you in the future.

Next Sunday approached fast for you and slow for Tom. The same routine started again with your laundry. You had gathered your color-coordinated clothes and coins for the day.

The feeling of dread was present again, not only because a lot of people could be there, but because Tom might not be there. You would for sure keep going even after today.

I guess I shouldn’t give up.

While putting your baskets inside your car, you realized how beautiful dawn seemed today. With sunrise approaching, the vermillion tones and flushed shades of pink covered the sky above you. It calmly put you at ease while you drove to the same place you met Thomas.

It sucked that you didn’t have anyone to share this dilemma with. If you did tell anyone, you didn’t trust them enough to not spread the word. The last thing you wanted, was for Tom to never come back here again if a mass of people kept showing up just for him.

On the other end, Tom needed Harrison’s assistance for today in order to make this chance work. Since he didn’t actually need any of his clothes washed, he asked Harrison to drop him off anyways and just wait for him in case you weren’t there. Harrison didn’t have a problem with it and met Tom at his place at 6 am.

“Tom are sure you need to be up this early?” Harrison questioned, using one hand to steer and the other to accentuate his concern.

“I'm positive! They got here around 6 the last time and that's what time it opens.”

“Alrighttt. I’ll just wait in the parking lot.” Harrison sighed while turning left to see the laundromat in the distance.

Tom began sitting abnormally in the passenger seat when he saw that your car was nowhere to be seen. His eyes grew wide and the expression of sadness was apparent on his face.

“Fuck dude fuck. I don’t see her car” He stammered with tension as he pointed in the distance where you car could’ve been.

Strings of curse words exited Tom’s mouth the closer he got and Harrison took it all in with worry. Tom kept taking off his baseball cap and putting it back on in the course of a minute to wipe the perspiration forming on his forehead.

“You’re really losing it man.” Harrison exhaled while finally pulling into a parking spot.

“I guess I’ll just wait for a little bit and come back ok?”

“Ok man, don’t stress about it. It won’t be the end of the world.” Harrison reassured with pat on the back and decided to pull his seat back and sleep while he waited since it was so early.

Tom got out of the passenger seat before scanning the area in case he saw you arriving in the distance.

Once he rubbed his sweaty palms on the side of his jeans, he opened the door and took a seat. Luckily, no one was there again and the familiar smell of detergent soothed his senses. No other sound was present except for the manager watching a sitcom yet again in his office.

You felt frustration build up when you saw a car in the parking lot that wasn’t Tom’s. It was a simple sedan that you had never seen before and if it was someone other than him, you would honestly scream.

The windows were too tinted to see anything so you trusted your gut that maybe it was only one person inside. You had gathered all your baskets that were stacked high in front of you.

Using your hand to balance the baskets and the other to open the door, you entered and heard definite silence at first. No machines were running and only the muffled tv in the background could be heard.

“(Y/N)?!”

That same accented voice you were acquainted with, filled your ears faster than you could gather yourself. Goosebumps formed at his vocalization filled with excitement while cold sweat covered your neck and back underneath your clothing.

Instead of simply placing your baskets down to see him, you dropped them with carelessness and saw Tom rising from his seat with the widest smile. His fair-skin met your eyes and his ivory teeth hit you with electricity that made you smile back with just as much intensity. There was more stubble around his mouth and there was discoloration around the bags in his eyes but you never doubted how beautiful he looked to you. Not once.

Rushing at each other in a tight embrace felt like the fantasies you came up with had realism in the deepest parts.

“T-Tom! It feels so good to see you again”

“I can definitely say the same sweetheart. I’ve missed you...” There was relief, passion, and tranquility in the words he spoke and he wanted you to feel his longing.

He missed me? Thomas Stanley Holland missed me.

To think you would be hugging Tom in a laundromat was something you wanted to carry along with you with utmost joy.

-

Part 1 - https://bangtanscope.tumblr.com/post/172785019225/laundromat-tom-holland-x-reader-series-mini

Part 2 - https://bangtanscope.tumblr.com/post/172810255305/laundromat-tom-holland-x-reader-series-warnings

Part 3 - https://bangtanscope.tumblr.com/post/172837117775/laundromat-tom-holland-x-reader-series-warnings

Tag List

@gryffindorbws // @hollandbaby // @softboyhollands // @f-andomimagines // @wolvesofthewinter // @zophora // @leni-lion-luke-larb-logic // @ashleyhearto // @im-meant-to-be-bi-myself

[confrontingbabble-on]

“For me, it started with an acute what-the-fuck-am-I-doing-here moment in a local church twenty-odd years ago, followed by an equally sudden what-the-fuck-is-that-guy-talking-about moment in the same church five seconds later...

Reason #1: I’ve never seen him, nor any indication of his existence.  Arguably the most obvious reason and possibly the most important one as well: if God exists, where is he? The only faculties a human being has at his disposal to assert the existence of something are:

The senses — direct observation.  Things you see or feel, including stuff other people tell you. These days, we can see pretty far into the cosmos, across the entire electromagnetic range, using all sorts of telescopes. So far, to my knowledge, nobody has made a single credible observation that requires the presence of a supernatural intelligence (not even a stupid one).

Logical argument — indirect observation.  Combining known facts and drawing conclusions from those. I do recognise the fact that not everything can be directly observed by our limited faculties. However, if I can’t observe something directly, as a non-lunatic I require either some sort of observable effect or a sound chain of reasoning that leads to the conclusion that the subject under investigation must exist.

Both approaches have come up empty so far.  Even if we assume God can’t be observed directly for whatever reason: there is not a single convincing bit of indirect evidence or remotely conclusive argument around, especially if we discount reports of people discerning a divine presence in their food.

If there was any evidence or proof out there, it would be world news instantly, especially in these times. Twitter would detonate. It would take over the planet and shut everybody up (except for the Dutch, who always seem to have something worth yapping about). It would have been rubbed in my embarrassed face ten times over during the past five seconds, and rightly so. This hasn’t happened yet, so I can safely continue to assume nobody has a strong case to convince an atheist.

Reason #2: followers of one religion are atheists of the others.  This is a slightly more subtle point: even the most devout Christian on the planet is an atheist regarding all the other religions that don’t agree with the particular flavor of faith he subscribes to. This is true of the followers of any religion. Even the most isolated tribes in the amazon have their own version of religion, and are equally confident they’ve got it all figured out.

Who is right?  Cause all the others are mistaken! No one religion has a better claim to the truth than any other, no religion has features that elevate it to a more likely Candidate for Truth. Cause, again, the world would know about it. So why assume any of the religions on offer is The One, and worth joining?

It’s just as reasonable to assume they’re all equally mistaken.  Whichever way you turn things, the vast majority of the world’s population is wasting their time worshipping a figment of their imagination.

Were you born correctly?  Even if there is one religion out there that happens to be the correct one, the chance you happened to have been born into that particular one are very slim indeed. The vast majority of believers have the same faith as their parents, and unless you’re a kid of God himself, it makes even less sense to assume they have chosen correctly in your stead.

Your parents were in the same situation as you with their parents, back in the day. They might have switched allegiance or they might have chosen to trust their parents’ decision. Both options are error-prone, their grandparents were in the very same predicament way back when, and it’s turtles all the way down.

Why choose?  So it doesn’t make much sense to choose at all. Even if there is a God: your best chances for a nice afterlife sprout from not sticking to a particular religion since you’ve almost certainly been born into the wrong one.

If the God you should have believed in is vengeful and you pick wrong, you’re in trouble.

If he is vengeful and you don’t worship another you have a better case.

If he is not vengeful he will either forgive you no matter what you do, or just plain don’t care.

So logically, being a devout [insert religious affiliation here] makes no sense at all.

Reason #3: complexity of God vs the universe.  Many people with some sort of affinity for religion and spirituality will object to being chucked into the same bucket as ‘man-in-the-sky’ theists. They are equally unconvinced of these extreme versions of belief, but still feel there must be ‘something there’ to ‘explain all this’.

Evolution. To those people I would say: “Evolution.” And then they would ask: “Explain what you mean or go away.” And then I would start explaining, and they would wish they’d have limited their response to “Go away.” And I would go on, regardless:

“ The urge to postulate the presence of some supernatural entity usually seems to follow from being flabbergasted by the complexity of the universe. People tend to feel better if they know who made something, so they can understand where it came from. For an infinitely complex and confusing cosmos this urge becomes strong enough that a majority of people feel A Cause must be identified at all costs.

Nobody would postulate a divine entity if the cosmos would have been created by Apple. They would have been able to see Steve Jobs, standing right there. No doubt about it. As it happens, Apple only made a dent in the universe.

I consider evolution to be the most powerful idea science has investigated so far, it gives us the mechanism by which the complexity of life has arisen from extremely simple beginnings. (Evolution applies much more generally, I will definitely talk about this in future writings.) Since we now know how the complexity of life came to be, the need for a creator vanishes in a puff of logic.

A God that designed and created the entire universe must be more complex than that universe, and thus offers no explanation as to where the necessary complexity came from in the first place. Add this to reason #1 (nobody’s ever seen God) above, and the idea of God The Creator loses all substance. Occam’s razor is quite sharp enough to cut it away. “

For those who doubt.  For those who have a lack of faith in evolution and would like to use that to undermine the argument above: evolution is absolutely real, there is an overwhelming amount of evidence available. Shouting at the top of your lungs it’s all nonsense is a bit like denying — over breakfast — that chickens lay eggs whilst enjoying an omelette. The evidence that proves your mistake is not hard to find, see or understand. You just need to go have a look in your back yard.

Reason #4: God does not explain anything.  God is invoked to explain all kinds of things. Why am I here? Where do we come from? How on earth did Trump get elected? But it’s inevitable to not know lots of things.

I don’t want to go to school today. Even though people try to pin everything that happens on God by way of explanation, we still don’t know anything since God himself is not explained. In other words, we’re saying (well I’m not saying that at all!) God explains everything, but we can’t explain God. We still have to cover for him by stressing the mysterious ways in which he likes to move. It is a lazy, inadequate and feeble attempt to avoid doing the work and actually learn something about the world.

God of the Gaps. This idea is called ‘God of the Gaps’. It comes down to the observation that God appears wherever there are gaps in our understanding of the world. These gaps have been consistently shrinking for the past centuries, at an ever faster rate, as scientists have diligently been going about the process of filling them with papers.

It seems entirely reasonable to assume that these gaps will continue disappearing in the future, rendering the domain to which God is confined ever smaller, quite possibly ending in oblivion.

Building bridges.  In contrast, so far we haven’t encountered a situation where scientific knowledge disappeared and had to be replaced by God.

While I understand the appeal of being able to point at The Cause, the gap between wanting to know something and actually knowing something can only be bridged using the scientific method. Not by stuffing the gap with fluff and sleeping on it. It might be comfortable and cozy but you will not get to the other side, you will only sink deeper into ignorance.

Reason #5: I’m not a Voldemort agnostic.  You might argue that if I don’t believe in God I should call myself an agnostic cause I can never disprove him and know one hundred percent for sure.

Given that I admit there being a tiny chance there is some sort of god, why not believe in him just in case? If god is fooled by my pretended piety he is not all that great, is he? At least now I have integrity, for which he might summon some respect. And if he isn’t vengeful my anti-religious conduct doesn’t matter either.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.  To put it another way, there is a tiny chance Voldemort is real as well but I am pretty sure he has been made up. It seems a safe bet to me to live my life ignoring the possibility rather than becoming a death eater just in case. This opens up a lot of free time in which I can do stuff I like better than worshipping.

Which does not mean I wouldn’t convert — with Malfoy-ian conviction — in a heartbeat, as soon as he’d show up on my doorstep. That’s science for you.

Reason #6: It’s free.  Nobody is asking me money for being atheist. It’s the cheapest set of principles around, the alternatives require a lot of time and money to be spent. Really exceptional value for money. Recommended.

Reason #7: I’m free.  Nobody is making me do stuff. Nobody is telling me what I should think or believe.

Trust in me.  By definition, if you can’t know what you’re supposed to do to follow a particular religion by thinking for yourself — that would constitute some form of evidence — you are running with ‘facts’ (are they?) that are offered to you by other people, be it through ancient books or through direct interaction with representatives and followers of the faith in question. You are accepting arbitrary claims devoid of any justification whatsoever. This is obviously a very dangerous thing to do.

The great manipulator.  It gives other people the power to have you do all sorts of things without having to explain themselves. Which, as far as I can tell, seems to be the main reason religion still exists today: people who realise they can manipulate people into practically anything and don’t have a conscience to stop them keep religion alive to have other people do stuff they would like to happen but aren’t keen on doing themselves.

The extreme case of this has been the main source of terror and bad politics for ages, with a distinct bump around the 9/11 mark in humanity’s timeline.

Nobody would dream of handing his or her wallet to some guy on the street because he claims he can talk to an almighty spirit that requires you to part with your cash, and you’re just gonna have to believe that spirit is there cause you will go to a rather unpleasant party when you die if you don’t. Nonetheless, this principle is widespread.

You believe in science. So science is your religion.  No it’s not.

Please do not touch.  Religion forces an untouchable set of ideas on you. These rules supposedly never change, they’re ancient and even though the world is changing at dazzling speed, they still apply. Unadapted.

You’re not allowed to question any of these ideas, and if you do, you’re accused of misunderstanding them or you’re told they can’t be analysed in a rational fashion and to take them at face value. You can’t think about them, you just have to accept them. “Don’t you just believe in anything? That’s so sad!” I’ll be alright.

The scientific method.  Science poses a fundamentally different way of looking at the world, called the Scientific Method (if God deserves a capital G…). I intend to write a separate post soon to explain the idea in more detail (that post is now available here), but the crux of the matter is to be ready to drop any idea at all, immediately, whenever you meet some beautiful new evidence that tells you that idea is wrong.

The marvels of science put it in stark contrast with religion. “Scientific thought produces technology. Religious thought produces art.” I want to poke giant holes all over that but I don’t know where to start. Technology is starting to produce art these days, so there’s that.

The mountain.  Science does not deny God outright. Rather, if he exists, science would be the way to find out. As it happens, science didn’t stumble upon any indication of his existence so far. It did stumble though, and fell face first into a mountain of facts that unanimously point to the opposite conclusion.

It just works.  In any case, you can see for yourself — everywhere around you — that science works. If it didn’t you would be reading this carved into a rock on the town square. Even the most fundamentalist jihadist acknowledges this by happily using the product of the very ideas he loathes so deeply to orchestrate and execute the most vicious acts of destruction he can think of, in order to eradicate the very notions that led to the development of the technology he, too, uses every day.

Who’s gonna make their cell phones when they’ve reached their goal I wonder.

Free thy children!  This limited listing alone — there are many more forms of justification scattered all over reality, waiting for people to ignore them — leaves me no other option than to be a radical atheist.

To close, a point Richard Dawkins never fails to highlight, and I think this might perhaps be the most important message for humanity to take to heart if it cares to survive for a good while longer: teach your children to think for themselves.

Don’t raise them to be manipulable and naive, but have them question the reasons for what other people request of them (not for what you request though, they’re gonna eat those carrots!) This would undoubtedly eliminate a tremendous portion of misery from the world and skew the scales towards a world population that has enough common sense to save itself as well as its pale blue home.

Prison break.  Help your children to be free instead of chaining them to the wall of the same prison cell you might happen to reside in. You live in there only because your parents did, for no good reason. Instead, open the door. Leave them free to wander around, to see what the other cells look like and who’s in there, if they want.

And then let them leave the prison building altogether, to roam the earth and experience the cosmos like nobody intended it to be.

Reading recommendations:

There’s a plethora of excellent reading options available, these are some famous personal favourites of mine.

The God Delusion — Richard Dawkins

As some readers will no doubt have noticed, a huge portion of the ideas described here have been treated in much more detail by Richard Dawkins, and many of them in this book. It turned me from a curious agnostic into a full-blown heretic. The lucid reasoning throughout is inescapable and by the end of the book you either didn’t understand it or you’re an atheist.

The Blind Watchmaker — Richard Dawkins

I can’t not recommend most of Dawkins’ bibliography, but this work in particular made the concept of evolution really click for me and had an immense impact on my world view. I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone.

God Is Not Great — Christopher Hitchens

This famous book makes a great case against religion as well. Hitchens’ style is quite direct and unapologetic, though, which usually puts off the people he would have liked to convince most. This trait is shared, to a slightly lesser extent, by Richard Dawkins.

A Short History Of Nearly Everything — Bill Bryson

A beautiful bird’s eye overview of the sciences. Perfect for people who are not very familiar with any of them but would like to get some idea of what has been found out so far, through some light reading.

On The Origin of Species — Charles Darwin

If you’re brave enough to jump in at the deep end, try Charles Darwin’s very own masterpiece. It’s quite readable but obviously misses more than a 150 years of progress in the field. The core idea is there though, in all it’s glory. To get a more modern treatment, read The Blind Watchmaker (mentioned above).

The Greatest Story Ever Told … So Far — Lawrence Krauss

This is an upcoming (edit: it’s out now!) book by Lawrence Krauss, one of the most prominent physicists of our time. Krauss has a great track record in popular science writing, so I’m very much looking forward to his new book which promises to be a true celebration of the scientific method and how it is used to learn more about how the universe works. Already recommended.”

https://medium.com/@renaisscience/science-vs-religion-or-why-i-am-an-atheist-ab41bc1555d5