#go outside if you're mad about online behavior.

[krembearry]

can you imagine if online haters put their attention into stuff that actually matters. their hater energy alone could power so much shit but instead they have to incorrectly call a guy a pedophile because he drew two grown men making out

[lightofraye]

Debunking Nonsense Against Jared

There's apparently some crap about Jared that is just absolute nonsense. Full of lies and bullshit.

It'd be one thing if people just didn't like him. It happens. Not everyone is likeable. You're not expected to like him. But don't pull up lies to explain why you don't like him. Especially when they've been debunked again and again and again.

1. The "racist" tattoo. Y'all, this is nonsense. It's been debunked over and over and over. It's not a racist tattoo. For one, it's lacking the logo of "Come and take it", which would make it a racist tattoo. But a lone star above a cannon does not a racist tattoo make.

Jared is a proud Texan. He also donates to many a charity and organization that help people, speaking out about them often. Not to mention, prior to pro-gun rights appropriating the symbol and logo, it stood for a proud history in Texas. Jared would've known.

So how about instead of focusing on a mere tattoo, come up with more proof that Jared is a racist? Hmm?

Besides, if you're mad at Jared's tattoo, are you then mad at Jensen's t-shirt, which did show the saying as well?

2. Fighting with fans online. Oh come on. Misha's done it. (Misha's done worse, in fact.) Danneel's done it. Jared doing it does not a bad person make. And I don't think he's done it in a long time.

And of course, people will go "Danneel was hitting back!" And? What's the difference? Jared was hitting back too. Danneel went a step farther most of the time, siccing her followers on them, threatening them with Clif, even ran crying to Clif because people were being "mean".

3. RE: Prequelgate. Give me a fucking break! Jared was right to be upset! He called and texted Jensen for hours before he gave up and responded to that tweet about The Winchesters announcement. Jensen also lied about not being allowed cellphones on The Boys set. When they weren't filming, they were allowed. (Of course they can't have their cellphones on their person during filming, unless it suited the scene!) Besides all that, Jared honestly didn't know about it! Kripke was even shocked when he learned Jared didn't know! Supernatural and its legacy is as much Jared's as it was Jensen's! The whole freakin' industry gave Jensen a massive side-eye for his unprofessional behavior. Kevin Smith, a man who has directed, written, and acted in the industry, thought it was uncool. Also, Jared wasn't drunk.

4. Supposed bully accusations. I'd need to see more of this to believe it, but outside of occasionally putting Misha in his bullshit place, I've never heard of Jared bullying anyone. Everyone he's worked with has sung his praises. The only one who hasn't is Misha and that's because Jared won't let Misha put him down. And in fact, has had to step in to stop Misha from torturing Jensen. So fuck off with your noise.

5. His fanbase. Is he now responsible for his fanbase? I never knew that. What about Misha's fanbase sending Jensen death threats for denouncing Destiel? Has Misha ever stopped that? What about AAs hoping for Jared to suicide after Walker was cancelled?

6. What about Genevieve? Oh come on! Do I like that Gen is featuring the kids a lot? Myself, no. But if Jared was truly bothered by it, I'm sure he would've spoken to Genevieve. And Gen isn't any different than many other mommy influencers. I'm not keen on exploiting the kids like that, but would you say the same about Danneel abruptly grabbing the kids at Wales Comic Con and dragging them out for a photo op? All because she had no one in line for her autographs and desperate for attention?

7. Jared's Hair. Apparently there are some claiming Jared had gotten hair plugs. My response to that is: So what? Misha's had plastic surgery (trust me, it's obvious--his eyes and clearly lip fillers). Danneel's had worse--her hair is fried, bad extensions, plastic surgery galore that has ruined her hair line because of facelifts, fillers, Botox, and breast implants (twice!). Jensen's likely had a bit of work too.

So. Fucking. What. About Jared's hair?

--

Come up with truthful reasons to hate Jared, hmm? Not bullshit.

[utilitycaster]

actually taking the last bit out of the tags of that post because here is the thing. and I'm going to use specific examples, because I think it's illustrative.

the two groups of people in this fandom who have specifically harassed me have been, as I've said before, imo/dna fans mad I don't find the ship very good, and (to be fair, only on one occasion) shadowido/mauk fans who got mad that I said that tagging ao3 fic about throuples with individual pairs sucks. [hilariously the latter was not even about them at all, it was about me looking for imogen and fearne ship fic that wasn't witchy trio fic and finding it almost impossible to filter].

I do not like these people because they have engaged with harassment. It is not about identity; it is about actions. My closest friend, and the first non-family member I talked to on Wednesday morning, is a bi woman in an open marriage to a woman, with a longterm male partner. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. The last time I visited her, in September, I was joined by other mutual friends, who are similarly in an open marriage with longterm partners and at least one relationship between two women.

I am entirely secure, in my personal life, that I am kind and accepting to queer women (of which I am one) and to poly people (of which I am not), and so I hope you can appreciate that if someone attempts to attack me on the internet on these grounds because I do not have the same exact opinions on pretend people kissing, my response isn't "oh my god I should go off and die because I'm a terrible person," it's "get a load of this moron making wild assumptions about my personal life based on a single data point in my preferences in fiction; I'm going to make them regret doing this to me, and hopefully anyone else, because this is genuinely a detrimental behavior in the fandom space." And also, you know what. If they were a homeless person on the street and asked for a dollar I would still give it to them if their attacks were merely verbal (yes, I know the idea of someone screaming "YOU'RE A LESBOPHOBE FOR HATING IMO/DNA can i have a dollar" outside the grocery store is rather comical, and I think that is how you need to consider statements like "um actually I won't help pro-shippers." Imagine that conversation happening in an irl activist group. Everyone would be like "uh...anyway, how do we fight back against this hostile bench architecture.")

I think right now it is vitally important to remember what actual bigotry looks like and what needs to be fought, and the reason I tapped the sign of this post last night is literally that I think you are wasting time and energy engaging with people who think bigotry is "criticizing the pretend guy Ashton Greymoore for concrete but pretend choices they made" when I also think most people criticizing Ashton would, if Ashton were real, still toss them change if they needed it, or are people who currently donate to or otherwise work with local programs that assist nb people, disabled people, or unhoused children.

I like to argue and I like to engage in fandom and I will continue doing that because it is a source of enjoyment and comfort for me, but I really urge everyone to ask yourself "am I arguing about genuinely different readings, or do I think that everyone who doesn't like my blorbo ship is a bad person" because if it's the latter, I think you need to nip that in the bud of online fandom before it grows into something darker and worse. A lot of irl hate and bigotry starts from a place of "everyone who doesn't agree with me and give me what I want all the time is wrong and evil" and perhaps I am too optimistic, but I think many people who say things like that in fandom just are caught up in the drama of it all and are capable of exercising empathy when they stop treating shipping or interpretation like a popularity contest that, if they lose, indicates that everyone around them is irredeemable. But I also think it can be the start of a really bad path.

[0w0tsuki]

If you want proof that TransUnity folks aren't invested in actual unity look at the way that they come into the transmisogyny tags to bitch about trans women talking about intra community issues.

They aren't interested in conflict resolution. They aren't interested in actually building any community with the people involved. They are purely dismissive that there even is a transmisogyny problem and they berate anyone who talks about as over obsessed freaks making up problems to be mad about.

To them discussions of intercommunity transmisogyny is "inter inter identity discourse". It's "fandom discourse". It's "needless barriers". And "everyone involved" (IE: transfeminists because for all their claims of same sidesing, TransUnity folks pretty universally believe in Transandrophobia and never comment on the reactionary and misogynistic behaviors within the Transandrophobia movement and purely talk about how awful trans women are for being vocal about transmisogyny) is a basement dwelling incels who "haven't seen the sun in fifteen years"

I'm reminded of a time in high school when one in our friend group decided that the way she was going to resolve an argument me and a friend were having was to tell us that we were children for having this argument in the first place. And these people are equally as surprised as she was when insulting the people arguing and invalidating their experience doesn't magically cause the people involved to realize how stupid they are and drop the issue when instead the people involved start arguing with them instead. Such a victim complex when they get a negative reaction to them walking in and insulting them, automatically believing themselves to have the moral high ground because they believe their enemies to be immoral. Because that's what they see us as. They don't see us as people who are members of their community.

They don't want community with you. They don't want you to feel like you're welcome. They don't want you to feel like you're safe and that your problems are taken seriously. They want you to shut up, put your head down, and "go outside and talk to REAL queer people" (Go out and expose yourself to a society that is explicitly and violently target you to leg the main legwork for activism because your life is directly at threat by fascism otherwise. Also your online queer friends aren't real queers)

[howdoesagrapewrites]

im not the anon who asked for something like tricycle but HEAR ME OUT what if like something where the reader has to travel outside the country and pav and gayatri are like “what ?? we’re coming w you tf ?” and you and gayatri have to point out that hes spiderman … and cant leave … so then you ask gayatri to stay behind for him and idk where else to go from here 😭

𝙃𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙞𝙨

Cw: slight angst/comfort, poly!gn!reader x Pavitr Prabhakar x Gayatri Singh, long distance relationship, depressive behavior

Notes: I had to use an online roulette to tell me if I should make angst or fluff, fluff won. I interpreted this as "they're moving away" but if this isn't what you wanted, just tell me

>You were horrified as you heard them tell you that you were leaving the country

>You tried to protest, be logical, be emotional, cry, lay a well researched and sensible argument, beg, anything in your control to convince them otherwise, but your tutor just won't budge

>You had the biggest fight over this

>You locked in your room, refusing to speak to anyone as you cried and cracked your head open thinking about how you'd explain this to your partners, what would they think? You want to communicate this the best way possible, is there even a good way to do it?

>You didn't answer texts, and you hated yourself for it, you hated yourself for getting shut down and wasting the little time you have left

>You didn't want your partners to feel neglected or think you were mad at them, so you made sure to tell them it was just issues in your home, and that they didn't do anything wrong

>And they tried to respect your alone time, they really did

>But four days was enough:( please

>Pavitr calls you, and you just start crying and word vomiting things that don't make any sense

>"jaanu, are you there?"

>"I am, but I won't, and I really- I-I mean that it won't be like this forever, and I really want to say it to you, but you'll feel sad, and I need you here, but then we have to talk and if we talk you'll - I'll- if we talk that means I have to go- I don't want to go"

>You sob even harder when you listen to the beep indicating he finalized the call, you are there just having an absolute meltdown, hugging your pillow as you rot on the bed you've been the whole week

>Your crying is loud, but loud enough to cancel out the loud banging on your window, it's your boyfriend (in his spiderman suit) carrying your girlfriend in his arms, waiting like two stray dogs for you to open the window

>He was really fast, he probably started swinging the second he hanged up

>You clumsily open the window, crying and struggling with the safe, to finally let them in, they almost knock you down on the floor with the strength they used to jump to hug you

>You hold them as a close as you can, they don't ask for explanations and carry you to your bed to cuddle until you calm down, always with reassuring words of "it's okay", "whenever you're ready", and infinite "I love you"s

>When you gather the strength to talk, completely forgetting whatever script you had in mind, they can't believe it

>"We're coming with you!" Gayatri blurts out, anxiously biting her lip, looking at Pavitr and then at you

>"That's right! We'll come with you, it'll be an adventure for the three is us!" Pavitr smiles, unaware of the million of flaws in his train of thought

>"You can't leave Mumbattan without a spiderman, love" you stroke his cheek looking to soothe his worries

>"And you can't leave him, Pavitr, your father, your country, everything you know and love is here"

>"Not everything" she said, a single tear cascading down her face, bitter expression

>Gayatri hugs you close, crying into your shoulder "not everything, not without you..."

>It took you some time to finally convince Gayatri to stay, took you even longer with Pavitr

>And it want easy, at times they'll come up with a newer crazier idea to travel with you

>You spent all the time you had left, glued to them

>and when it was time to say goodbye, they had to be physically restricted to leave the plane go without doing anything reckless

>You stayed on facetime with them almost 24/7, going to sleep on calls kind of thing.

>And you're just depressed in this new place, nothing is like home, nothing is as lively, as beautiful, as comfortable as Mumbattan

>after failing several classes, and practically snapping back at everything, your tutor agreed that you simply needed to go back, so they told you that if you couldn't find 5 reasons to stay here, you could go back and captain Singh would be entrusted with your care

>As much as it was physically painful to, you managed to keep it a secret

>And when december was here, you were counting the seconds to get in the plane. You failed the school year due to those early months, but you tried to stop dwelling on that, there's nothing you can do about it

>"what are you doing today?" -you

>"today's christmas silly, just staying home" -Gayatri

>"I wish you could be with us, captain Singh invited me and my Maya auntie for dinner" -Pavitr

>"damn, so you really have no time to do anything? Not even opening the door?" -you

>"What door are you talking about?" -Gayatri

>you knocked, Gayatri's breathing became irregular, so nervous and scared this was just a joke

>but she saw you with two backpacks, on her door, she couldn't contain herself, too much joy inside

>Pavitr heard the happy squealing and came running, they kissed you and smelled you hair, touching you like they were making sure you were real

>There's really no place like home

[weebsinstash]

Lmao if you were really that unbothered you wouldn't be responding and trying so desperately to convince everyone you're unbothered. You would just ignore and move on lol. You're actually so triggered and butthurt at aall the true things we said that you have to put on a face like you're "unbothered" when we're just laughing at YOU and your degenerate loser online "friends" who read and write porn fanfic about men being obsessed with them because they're too gross and pathetic to get irl men to like them and they're so hopelessly insecure and lonely they have to cope with what they lack in life by fantasizing about men obsessively stalking them. You literally admit this in your posts too 🤣 that the appeal of yandere for you is because you're so disgusting and ugly no irl man would actually want you and the idea that someone desires you so much they would stalk and rape you makes you feel better 🤣 like you literally said that. That shit is so degenerate and pathetic man 🤣 tell any normal person that and they would think you were a sad perverted loser creep and probably avoid you. You are the most depraved cringey group of losers on the entire internet 🤣 why the fuck would anyone care what you basement dwellers think? All those "friends" you apparently madr are just equally as degenerate nobodies who compensate for their severe crippling loneliness and insecurities by writing their depraved stalker fantasies, and you'll never meet them irl or anything so they're hardly real friends. Outside of an obscure tumblr fetish porn community you're still a friendless loser. You still habitually get into drama and make people hate you at EVERY job you have. Your family still hates you for your toxic and manipulative behavior and angry outbursts, like didn't you literally smash a tv in a fit of rage earlier this year? Genuinely so unhinged and dangerous, if you had roommates they would evict you if not call the cops on you and have you arrested for that violent shit. You've still never had a bf or partner and never will. You're still a poor drug addict who can't keep a job. When you step away from your computer screen your stalker porno "friends" mean less than nothing. You're still a loser with nothing to show for yourself at 27 despite having a small size stalker porn blog. We know you know this 🤣 we know you think about it every day and trying to actunbothered is knly highlighting how botbered you are

Also your mate said that you were spending heaps of time ruminating over your wrinkles because of us and in geberal your responses are so clearly bothered by all of this. The only reason we kept it going so long was that we kept getting hilarious over the top reactions from you. Like you literally threatened suicide and self harm once 🤣 you've taken the bait SO MANY TIMES you're so easy to trigger and you acting like you're not is such a transparent

Imagine trying to act like you aren't having a complete mental breakdown when you are literally writing PARAGRAPHS that aren't even properly spaced. Yall think anyone is gonna read all that shit for any other reason than to make fun of you. Homie you are MALDING right now, you are TRIGGERED mad

[anthroparis]

I'm going to continue this bit because honestly the way people are interacting with me is getting significantly more and more annoying.

thinking about tti occupies like, half an hour of my total day, and I didn't even think about it at all when there were no updates.

this blog represents a very tiny, insignificant part of my life and making judgments based off of how I post here is extremely weird. even making assumptions about me based on my main is weird!

I once had a complete stranger reblog one of my joke posts and literally tag it as "no offense op but I have learned everything I need to know about you as a person" like you guys realize why that mindset is extremely creepy and weird, right?

would you say those kinds of things in a conversation with a classmate? a cashier? a new coworker? a distant relative? no! you wouldn't, because that would come off as extremely invasive and stalker-y!

so when you send this blog weird jokes on anon, I can only assume they're jokes, because again, you might joke around with your friends about being homophobic but I don't with mine. so I can only guess that you're kidding and referencing an internet humor thing I don't understand because I'm an adult and don't really use social media anymore.

and what happens in these parasocial relationships you build with internet personas is that you put someone on a pedestal as this untouchable force, you start believing that you are entitled to their time and kindness when these people don't owe you anything. you crave their attention so badly you start sending them dumbass asks either kissing their ass or trying to provoke them because it makes you feel better about yourself, I guess?

but then when the person in question does something that catches you off guard, or that offends you, or that you just don't like, you feel betrayed and hurt, and you turn to attacking them or vagueing them or whatever it is.

this kind of behavior is what leads to these incredibly uncomfortable situations like what happened with mod courtney.

like when I was around 16 years old on an old personal account, I started receiving some pretty inflammatory comments getting mad about the way I was criticizing a piece of media I didn't like. eventually, over private message, a mutual IN HER 20'S admitted to sending them because she felt personally hurt that I was criticizing something she liked. this grown ass woman, who I had never had a conversation with before, had grown such an attachment to me that she took me not liking one of her interests as a personal attack. I was 16 years old and expected to be responsible for the emotions of an adult woman because I made her feel rejected.

this also goes the other way around btw like I have been idolized by minors and it makes me so uncomfortable. PLEASE be safer online, you have no idea who's going to turn out to be a terrible person.

anyway. just because someone is online does not mean it's okay to act like an asshole? I'm so sick of you freaks thinking it's all fine and good to be dickheads because it's words on a screen. you understand that you're talking to real people, right? they're probably reading your asks while taking a fat dump on their grandma's toilet. they have faces. people faces. and lives outside of the internet. and it's disturbing watching you treat other people like entertainment just because they post sometimes.

there's a certain threshold of time between following someone and becoming friends that you need to learn to be respectful during. it's perfectly okay to mess up sometimes and it's okay to feel upset when someone sets a boundary because of you. rejection sensitivity is hard, but expecting everyone else to cater to you instead of working on your internal reactions to perceived rejection and social slights is manipulative.

also purposefully sending people annoying asks to get a rise out of them really isn't funny. are you my five year old little brother now. are you going to sign off each anon with "problem, officer?" can you just call me fat like the good old days. can we just bring back rickrolling instead.

no tldr you read the post or you don't.

[terrania]

i think part of growing up is gradually caring less and less about tumblr discourse. like who cares that there was a callout abt this person, supporting them and disavowing them will both do nothing to change their behavior. who cares about ai stealing artists' valor, people will always make real art no matter what happens, it's just a poorly made tool. you're not gonna change much by getting mad online about chasers or terfs or anyone who's got the right spirit but the wrong politics. why not take a break? scroll past whatever's making you angry, maybe stop browsing tumblr and go outside even. if you really care about making the world better, why not support a union or protest? there's so much good in the world- isn't that why you're getting so angry, because you want to save it? why not seek out that good, instead of the bad? you'll be far better equipped to do good afterwards, i promise.

[lionews]

"I'm gonna say this however many times I need to but you are promoting the harassment and STALKING of an online creator because you didn't agree with them in some petty bs. You're mad because they, A PERSON OF COLOR, called out racist behavior and are promoting more racist behavior towards them." I beg of you to actually look into everything else he has done outside of the thread. You are defending someone who actively harassed an entire clan and falsely accused others for general disagreements, mainly those related to how he treats people, and your defense is "Er meh gerd they hate him because he's POC." No one gives a fuck about his race. We give a fuck about his abusive behavior and the fact that people like you are justifying it. And before you claim racism again, I'm POC.

"they have nothing better to do than stalk someone for having different opinions or wording something bad instead of coming to them directly about the problem." That's the thing. You can't go to him directly about anything. People have done that constantly and are being a lot kinder about it than anyone should be, and every single time, what is his response to it? Banning them. Badmouthing them PUBLICLY in his server and excluding context to make them look like they said something that they didn't. Again, please for the love of god, do some fucking research before you start yapping.

.

[compassionatereminders]

Hi! What would you recommend about being harassed online? As revenge my mom keeps making fake profiles and tries to get my info (where I work - she already tried to get my dad fired when I was a kid she was calling his boss and saying lies that he was an alcoholic etc.), my phone number. She even made accs claiming she was my old classmate and that her last name on fb is different because she got married etc. Her daughter never met me because she had her after she left me... and her daughter who is now 17 I believe is making fake profiles too, sometimes pretending that she is a dude who is interested in me (to get my into) or she calls me names and insults me. I told my mom I never want to see her and that she should stop. But she has been doing this since 2016. Mostly during summer break because she takes like 2 weeks off work during that time. Whenever I post a pic of me they make fake profiles of me (I reported a few but probably there are more and I will never find them because they are profiles with a fake name) and she joins hook up fb groups. I am terrified that one day some man will see me somewhere and think he talked to me. As a result I am too afraid to upload any of my pics on fb. I have all my pics private but they can always save the profile pic even (they can screenshot it and so on). This might not sound like a problem to someone but this has been stressing me out. Summer break starts soon here and again I know I will be harassed daily by at least 5-8 accounts. And I know that messages from people who are not my friends go to "other" inbox but it's not really helping since I can still see it. I miss the days where you could make settings so only friends could message you and there was no "other" inbox. So sorry if I annoyed you with my message but I'm really stressed by this harassment. Like if you physically and mentally abused a kid for 10 years and then you abandoned your kid then you shouldn't be mad that the kid doesn't want to see you right?

I'm so sorry you're being stalked! My advice is that you don't engage outside blocking their new accounts as soon as you discover them. The more attention you give them the worse it will get. So just take a deep breath and block them. As many times as you have to. It isn't fair that you have to deal with this kind of behavior, but engaging will only make it worse.

[trutimeline]

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

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Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

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Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

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Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

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Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

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[silenthillmutual]

I don't know if you're the right person to tell this to but I think my mom's emotionally abusive. She gets mad whenever I get upset at her and gaslights me(probably??) whenever I call her out. I tried to tell her that she never apologized for hurting my feelings and she responded with, "I don't have to apologize to you" and it just made me feel worse. My family's Christian and all but I'm scared to tell the pastor(or anyone) because I don't want her to get mad at me. Do you have any advice?

I guess I’m a decent source for that, and I’ve got enough spoons today to answer this! 

I’ll be honest with you, a parent reacting with anger whenever you get upset with them is never a good sign. The “I don’t have to apologize to you” response is definitely emotionally abusive, especially if it’s not a reaction in a vacuum; anything as an isolated incident is understandable since we all make mistakes, but this doesn’t sound like a one-off thing. 

I had a couple of friends help me through being gaslit myself; here are a few articles on the topic, all of which are pretty brief:

Were You Born Under the Gaslight?

11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting

a resource post from r/RaisedByNarcissists

I’m not a psychologist in any capacity, but having been through it myself and having sat down and watched a film adaptation from where the term hails, here’s a sort of brief rundown of some things gaslighters will do to their victims:

making attempts to isolate you (from friends, from family members, etc; ex, excessive monitoring of your communications with friends to the point of taking your phone or computer so you can’t contact them, although this may be done subtly)

telling you that you have traits or attributes that do not feel or sound like things you do (ex, telling you that you are “forgetful” or “tend to lose things” even when you are not a forgetful person)

accusing you of lying, whether directly or indirectly (ex. asking, “what did you do with x thing?”, not believing you when you say you haven’t seen it; then when you find it, saying something to the effect of, “so you did know where it was”)

saying things with emotion and then denying there is any emotion behind their words (ex. if they say something to you in an angry way and when you say, “don’t be angry,” they say, “i’m not angry” and look at you like you’re crazy)

making you look bad in front of others (this can be making you look like a jerk, making you look inconsiderate, making you look foolish, like a buzzkill, etc.)

taking on a tone to imply that you are scaring them, even when you have not done or said anything out of the ordinary (if you’re thinking to yourself, “i didn’t even have any emotion behind this, i didn’t even sound angry” and they’re reacting like they’re afraid you’re going to hit you? that’s gaslighting)

whiplash mood swings and honeymooning - quickly going from being angry at you to putting on a convincing happy act in front of others; “honeymooning” is when, after a period of abuse, they start to act really nice and considerate towards you, making you think that they’ve changed, or maybe they do one really nice thing for you as a way to “make up” for their behavior (this never lasts, don’t buy it.)

turning themselves into the victim of every situation (guilt tripping you, especially in situations where you are telling them that they have hurt you. parents really love this one; it’s the “oh so i’m a horrible parent” comeback to any time you’ve ever said “this really hurt my feelings”)

infantalizing you (another parental favorite)

upsetting you in public, covertly, so that only you are aware of what they have said/done

threatening you with institutionalization

Another big one that I don’t think I mentioned here because it’s not one that came up in the film is outright denying that something ever happened. We tend to assume that’s something we’d be able to catch outright, but the truth of the matter is that their lies start out small and they do all of these things above & more for the sake of putting you off balance and confusing you so that by the time their lies get to the level of things you should be able to look at and say plainly, “that’s not true,” you’ve gotten to the point where you feel like you can’t trust your own memory or judgement of things. 

I’ll give a couple examples because the list of potential things they could lie about goes between fairly small stuff to extreme stuff:

my mother claimed once that she was never on her phone during dinner

my mother claiming she’d never seen movies that not only did i remember her commentary on, but i’m pretty sure one of them we actually saw in theatres

her claiming i’d never told her things that i most definitely had told her before

combined with that one: lying about the last time we’d had contact; right before i cut off all contact with her i was able to actually screenshot the dates and times of the last time we’d spoken and send them to her

lying about actual historical facts; in my mother’s case: refusing to acknowledge that ABA had, since its inception, used aversives and was abusive in practices, was the foundation of the conversion therapy movement. i sent her screenshot and link proofs of this as well and she did not appreciate it

she also claimed that she never threatened to kick me out of the house and claimed that i promised her i would start therapy before starting HRT - neither of which are accurate or even remotely believable (you really think i’d up and move w two weeks notice halfway across the country if i hadn’t been kicked out? i have to laugh.)

Another one that did not really get shown well in the film but that I believe i’ve read somewhere and have personal experience with, is that they like to keep you traumatized. It keeps you in a state of like... uncertainty, I guess you could say. It keeps you from feeling completely lucid or in control of things, and more likely to need help and depend on them for continued support. They may also be likely to mess with your head in other ways, like with the use of drugs - and I don’t just mean illegal ones; parents who have control over your medication and make sure you take it do have to potential to keep you up on medications you don’t actually need as a method of control. (Both of these can actually be seen in use in the film Midsommar w/ the suicide ritual being a method of continued trauma and the constant drug use being...obvious. I’m sure it gets used in other places too but that was the first one to come to mind, and Aster does a really good job of showing how effective that shit is.)

I don’t really know what other religions rules are like when it comes to confidentiality. I was raised Catholic, and there was a certain understanding about priests and ethics that pretty much went that unless you had a warrant (and on top of that, a damn good reason; iirc there have been plenty who don’t even testify under oath) they weren’t to tell anyone what you told them in confidence. If you know anything about their ethics regarding that or even feel that you can ask them safely about it, it could be a good place to start if you feel that church community is one where you feel safe. 

The biggest roadblock tbh is age and...idk how else to put this other than status? If you’re a minor there is, unfortunately, not a lot you can do to get away from her or get her to stop - especially if you’re in a situation where she’s really your only parent. Which is sort of what I meant by status; do you have another parent or step-parent, sibling, uncle, aunt, cousin, etc  you feel you could talk to about it? 

I really wish I could recommend school guidance counselors, but I’m not altogether sure they’re equipped with the right materials to help you out there. That being said, if you have a family member that you can trust to help you find a therapist outside of school, that would also be a really good resource; whether you’re an adult still living within that contact or a minor who can’t get away at the moment, a therapist can help you come up with some coping techniques to deal with it until you can safely get away. I’d suggest looking for one who specializes in trauma or in PTSD, esp if they have c-PTSD listed (the ‘c’ is for complex, which is a proposed addition(??) to PTSD that would separate a singular traumatic event from an ongoing traumatic situation like living in war zones, being a POW, domestic violence, etc). PsychologyToday has a search function for finding accredited therapists in your area that should list their specialties, credentials, and insurance plans they take. (And if you’re asked why you need one, honestly, extrapolate on a minor issue. Like tbh you could just say body image issues.) Therapists are bound by license-revoking ethics not to tell anyone what you discuss in therapy unless you are going to hurt yourself or someone else.

[If you feel you’re being monitored too closely at home and don’t have a way to get this information at school, I suggest asking a reference librarian to help you out. A lot of public libraries will have community resource information, and if they don’t have flyers or brochures out, reference librarians’ entire jobs are to help you access information whether that’s in the library or in the community! That’s why I work in LIS, lol.]

Other than that the two big pieces of advice I have are:

Build up a support network outside your family. If you feel you can’t trust them with this, or even if you’re worried about putting them in the middle of a difficult situation - and even if those aren’t concerns for you - it’s always good to have a support network that isn’t connected to the situation in some way. Most of my support network came from friends, a bulk of whom I knew from online, and from coworkers. The first person to tell me I was being gaslit was actually a coworker, who I talked to when I got kicked out and was shaken up about it. I had a p good relationship w my boss and all my coworkers there, so when I had to put in my two weeks’ notice I actually got an offer to stay with my boss in the event that the situation escalated, and also knew I could go and stay with my one of my best friends with their grandad, or their sister. In fact, right when that happened, my friends already had a kind of escape plan half-formed because things had just kind of been getting worse, and for almost a year now I’ve been living with my other best friend. Even if things never get to the point of you having to leave the house, just having people that you can rely on who will be on your side entirely is crucial to dealing with that kind of stress.

If you think or feel you may be getting gaslit - even if you’re thinking to yourself that you’re just blowing things out of proportion or that it’s “not that bad” (a lot of us go through that) - start keeping a journal of things your mother says to you. You don’t have to show anyone. Just keep it for yourself. It doesn’t even have to be anything important; like I said earlier, it can be as simple as off-handed comments about movies you’ve watched or appointments you’ve made or what have you. Write them down when they happen, date them, and then when she says something that you feel contradicts what you’ve already heard - you can fact-check it. You can also do this with screenshots if it’s over text or something, and if you think you can get away with secretly recording her on your phone that might help too. I don’t recommend telling her you’re doing this or pointing out when she’s been lying; in the event she doesn’t outright deny it she could flip it around to make herself the victim or spiral out of control and get worse - this is just for your peace of mind. The goal of gaslighting, to quote the movie, is to “systematically [drive] you out of your mind”. This would just be a way to reassure yourself that you’re not making it up, you didn’t forget, you’re not blowing things out of proportion. 

If you need anything more specific, feel free to let me know! I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it really just fucking sucks. But I believe you can make it! And there is an it - there’s an out, even if it’s hard to get to or takes long. 

[csykora]

So, a couple of disclaimers: 1) I be a 'new fan' of the 'new hockey', but I grew up (and live now) in relatively rural Appalachia. I hope this gives me the context necessary empathize with the group(s) being pushed aside, here. Please let me know if you see me fail on that front. 2) Private or public, either is fine. | I definitely see what you're talking about with the 'new hockey' making more long-standing fans feel pushed aside, and even divorced from their heritage. (1)

But the fans of the 'new, shiny hockey' didn't make the 'new, shiny hockey' happen. And, frankly, we didn't come to it: hockey came to us, almost aggressively so. So some of the disparagement and confusion of new fans is very understandable, because new fans are a *symptom* of a change (that started with the role of hockey changing in traditional regions) rather than the *cause*. But! I think it is ALSO very understandable that 'oldschool' fans would get defensive, since (2)

the change happened partly due to outside influence (shifting economy, shifting overall family values, shifting overall societal behaviors) but partly due to changes specifically within the traditional hockey areas. And that's- that's gotta sting, right? Certainly new fans are a more accessible target for frustrations than 'the man', when 'the man' works so hard to be amorphous and anonymous. There's still a lot of romanticism and nostalgia attached to hockey in some places. (3)

The very existence of new fans, whose hockey experience doesn't include that nostalgia, means that hockey can be separated from the nostalgia, which I'm sure is threatening. And, frankly, a lot of the areas where people feel like they are 'losing' hockey from their subculture they are also losing other things. But if sports/sports fandom can channel our positive emotions, then it can also channel communal anxieties, yes? Maybe it is easier to focus on 'intruders' in sport than in other areas. 4

All of that is a longwinded way of saying: I completely understand older fans feeling threatened or alienated. But I wonder if they're really threatened/alienated/etc. by the new fans... or is it what those new fans represent? (5)

I don’t disagree with you! The NHL is a business which sells to people who have money.  Practically, the action of blaming any particular fan for that is useless and pointless. (And also ungenerous and unfun).

The thought experiment I went on was about what people’s underlying motivations for that bad action might be, so maybe we can understand why it keeps creeping into circles where we wouldn’t expect it.

The same Feelings Reaction (“this was my thing, so you having it hurts me”) happens for different groups of people. How it plays…depends to some extent on how many other things the group has.

Lashing out is still bad. But sometimes I think the solution is for people to eat their feelings and not say anything, and sometimes it’s for all of us to stop and say, “Hey, I’m feeling forgotten or pushed out of this space when these things happen,” and “Okay, how can we keep different experiences in mind and work to be welcoming?”

Many, many asshole fans are assholes from white suburbs in southern Canada and New England, who feel that they are losing cultural control over something, because they are losing control over it, and they should.

But what I was kind of reaching for and turning over wasn’t old vs. young people*, or white suburban men vs. everyone else, which are both familiar and expected narratives. Why do I see this same Feelings Reaction in young women toward fellow young women?

The ground-in sense of, “I want to be Real and tough and serious,” is a big, big, big part. But it strikes me as pat to say that the only thing women are thinking is, “I want to be like a man!” I think women are more complex than that, and what I see seems to be that the things some women dig into as rugged and practical and real are class-coded as well as gendered.

So kind of the best understanding I have is that we aren’t all feeling like fellows or equals.

Some people have more money than others. That makes a stunning difference in our lives. It’s not those people’s ‘fault’ that they were born in different circumstances. It’s also not a personal attack that other people feel alienated from certain social behaviors, comments and choices that some fans can (seemingly) make without worries.

Class difference is just socially fuckin awkward, you guys. And the awkwardness falls pretty entirely on one side, with the other not even noticing, because that’s how social norms work.

Frankly, I think people may feel disappointed by what new fans represent, and also feel socially alienated from the fans themselves.

The NHL is a business. It doesn’t market to, you know, dirty rednecks and poor people. We know that, but it’s still bitter disappointing to feel it confirmed over and over again. It’s marketing a certain aesthetic, PR image, particular products, to target a certain class of people it wants to sell to. 

When those people react with, “Yes, this looks great, I love this product!” … yeah, of course, it’s just that they like what they like and they’re being marketed to. The irritation that grows up there is, “Okay, but that’s because your tastes are being promoted because of who you happen to be, and ours aren’t. Do you see that?” And usually of course not, people aren’t thinking about their tastes that way, and they don’t know to see economic differences in social norms or how much they can weigh on lower-class people. But that feeling of not being seen is still difficult.

I’ll be honest, in a broader context, I don’t see people passively accepting what’s offered to them as innocent because “they didn’t ask for it”. Oblivious and understandable, yes, but people thinking, ’I just happened to be born with money, and systems just happen to want to offer things to me, so that’s just how it is now,’ is an action that has consequences. I’m certainly not mad at it in something as small-scale as hockey fandom, but in principle, if someone thought about it and ended at that kind of comfortable shrug that doesn’t require them to do anything, I would say that is action by inaction.

(Again, hockey fandom, I’m not spending my time getting mad at suburban college students on the internet, and I’m certainly not going to message them about it. It doesn’t have to be a big symbolic cultural fight, but I think we can still all pause and practice decoloializing our thoughts about little things sometimes. And if someone said, “Well but I didn’t ask for what I have,” to me, I would have a lot of follow-up questions for them about how they see the world.)

By the way, my proposed good actions are, 

“We need to talk about class difference in daily life so we can start building more equitable systems and so we’re all less vulnerable to demagogues,”

“Avoiding annoying people online is always in style! Only follow 5 people like I do!”

and “It would be nice if we can work on casually talking with our friends and acquaintances in fandom and saying things like, ‘Hey, I know you’re from a different background, is it okay with you if I talk about stuff that might mean different money things to you?’ and ‘I’m feeling some feelings and I think you don’t realize this thing means something different to me, I’d love if we could chat about such and such interest we share for a bit and not talk about a particular aesthetic/fan gear/practical and social situations.’”

*I think this is where you’re thinking on the social trends and nostalgia; I didn’t quite follow because I think we're thinking of different communities or social phenomena. 

To me the word ‘nostalgia’ is actually a huge part of what rubs my community the wrong way, because they haven’t gone anywhere.

I’m in my early twenties. The memories I mentioned hockey brings up for me happened in the last five years. That’s still how people play, that’s still how I think about money and food and work and always will be. Next winter I’m gonna be getting pretty fuckin upset again, looking at five and six year olds out on out ponds with no mittens, knowing they’re never going to make the NHL, or college, and good change they won’t finish high school. 

Seeing sappy memorials to The Old Times when people had to scrape by and shoot pucks at bottles in the barn or whatever can be really annoying because poverty culture isn’t dead in 2018, because rural and poor people aren’t dead. 

So that’s just a note/example on how we might see things differently.