#glubglubglubglub

[daemonskitty]

Emotthew😔🖤⛓️

[bobzeepotato]

glubglubglubglub 🐠✨

im @/funkylemonchild on instagram :)

[sliceofdyke]

my secret is that. i am a fish glubglubglubglub

awesome!! but also the words "i am a fish" next to each other gave me flashbacks to my days as a middle schooler on pinterest dot com looking at screenshots of tumblr posts (some of which were made by i-am-a-fish) and thinking they were funny when in reality they were very much not

[poorlydrawnpeixes]

I didn't sign up prop-Erly 38(

SO I STOL----E A WRIGL-ER!!

(glubglubglubglub!)

I'm spr-Eading propaganda for ) (im 38)

T) (is littl-E guy

Dos-Ent ) (av-E --Enoug) ( spac-E in ) (is t) (ink-pan to compr-E) (-End w) (at's going probably

) (is ) (-Ead is full of bubbl-Es

But if ) (e did

I t) (ink ) (-E'd want to win

and!

Look at t) (ose -Ey-Es!!

You can't say no to t) (-Em!

You'd mak-E ) (im cry.

You wouldn't want to make a littl-E wrigl-Er cry!

You will ) (av-E to swim wit) ( t) (at guilt for-Ev-Er!!

It's lik-E

Looking at a vampir---E squid!!

Look! You can't not lov-E t) (-Em 38)

(glubglubglubglub)

ANNNNND!!

If you don't vot-E for ) (im

You mig) (tttt

Mayb-E

Possibly!

G-ET S) (OT WIT) ( A LITTL-E TRID---ENT!!!

P-----------EW!!!

@ask-grubquius <- vote

===> vote ask grubquius on poll

See

Now that's a command

You basically have to

-b

[flowergirlmiwa]

beavis and butthead buts uits nepeta and feferi from heomstuck

(Nepeta and Feferi are sitting on a couch, vocally stimming to themselves and watching TV)

Nepeta: Purr. Purr-rr-rr. Mm-m-mm.

Feferi: Glubglubglubglub. Glubglubglubglub.

Feferi: Woah! Check it out! Glubglubglub

(she points enthusiastically at the TV, displaying a big jellyfish swimming around)

Nepeta: Uhh, mm-m-mmm. Oh yeah. Purr, purr purr purr.

Feferi: Fish are cool. Glubglubglubglub.

Nepeta: We should watch yuri. Purr, purr purr.

Feferi: Yuri? Uhh… what? Glubglubglub.

(Feferi moves in close)

Feferi: Whatdyou, not like fish? Glubglubglub.

(Nepeta is suddenly breathless, and can barely purr)

(she tips her face slightly, which Feferi notices)

(Feferi gives her a kiss)

Feferi: Uhh… you like fish.

Nepeta: Uhh…. oh yeah. Purrpurrpurrpurr. You're right.

(Feferi settles back on the couch happily as Nepeta slowly becomes more and more unhappy being forced to watch this boring fish stuff as Feferi idily glubs to herself like there is nothing wrong in the world)

[boycannibal]

(mutual says that i remind them of the water element) ohh yeah that makes sense. just like when you shouldnt drink water after eating seafood because it will do glubglubglubglub in your stomach

[iabyrinth]

i love fish so much, they just go glubglubglubglub and i aspire to be like them

[pesterloglog]

Aranea Serket, Meenah Peixes

Act 6, page 5398

ARANEA: The Rogue of 8reath was always a very popular mem8er of our group. Pro8a8ly the most popular, I'd say. Sort of the anti-me, in that respect. Ever the recipient of romantic solicitations whichever way he turned. Sort of the anti-Cronus, in that respect.

MEENAH: aw yeah sick ampora burn outta nowhere hi 5

ARANEA: Indeed. His mutation made him an outcast, though. To avoid the unwanted attention his wings would 8ring him, he took refuge in the forest among those who welcomed his differences, and learned their ways.

ARANEA: The Lost Weea8oos was a guild of youthful tree-dwelling troll otakus with a zeal for fisticuffs, flight, and various forms of exotic eastern theater. 8ane to the enemies of hijinks, scourge to the seafaring classes who...

MEENAH: NOP-E

MEENAH: NOT LISFININ TO T)(IS LA LA LA GLUB GLUB GLUB

ARANEA: (GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB) centuries of feuding with the Kemonomimi tri8es (GLUB GLUB GLUB LA LA LA LA GLUB GLUB GLUB) ceremonial torchlight yaoi festivals (LA LA LA LA GLUB GLUB LA LA LA) tsundere quadrant vacillation (GLUUUUUB GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB GLUUUUUUUUUB) threw down a daggerlance to challenge the guild's high seme for dominance (NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO) ultimately served like a shonen on Shitsuji Island.

MEENAH: hey serket

MEENAH: how much i gotta pay you to zip yer blowhole on this shit so tight you never bring it up again

ARANEA: For such a service, I will require nothing short of the large gold statue in your palace. I think you know which one I'm talking a8out.

MEENAH: you drive a hard bargain serks

MEENAH: but you got a deal

[that-marie]

*glubglubglubglub*

Didn’t realise anyone was ACTUALLY upset about that. I guess I just… wasn’t ready to stop being the fresh one, you know? I don’t want any potential new fans to think I’m just some boring old mom or whatever. But if you want to THAT bad, it can’t… hurt, I guess. I’d love to know who requested my untimely demise, though. Maybe we can talk it out?

Could you drown @that-marie ? I don't think she likes us calling her Momarie and I'm still angry..

hi still angry, im the waterboarding wizard

[tsscat]

My stomach really does hate me huh

[gobygills]

@8readwinner replied to your post: @8readwinner replied to your post: ...

I can’t help it. You’re just too glu88in’ cute for me!!!!!!!!

GlubglubGLUBGLUBglub glub GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB glub!!!!

Glub glub glubGLUB. 3>8D

[hungryheiress]

glub!!!!!!

Glubglubglubglub t)(at’s w)(at you sound pike w)(en you drink ON-E (1) bottle(nose) of sodie pop!

[dokidokiliteraturegirls]

Natsuki: Aaaaahhhh, this is so refreshiiiing~ See, darling? The water isn’t so bad~

Yuri: ...

Natsuki: ...darling?

Yuri: ...*glubglubglubglub*

Natsuki: DARLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!

[solarianradiance]

*erects a billboard with big bold text reading "Feferi is best gill" and positions it where all can see it.*

Feferi: GLUB! glubglubglubglub!!!

Feferi: t)(ank you! i appr-Eciat-E t)(-E complim-Ent! i dont t)(ink its r-E-Ely tru-E as i dont t)(ink im b-Ett-Er t)(an any ot)(-Er gill, but i still appr-Eciat-E it!

[anime-dub-transcripts]

Bungou Stray Dogs Episode #1: Fortune Is Unpredictable and Mutable Transcript

This episode has the introduction of Atsushi and the members of the Armed Detective Agency.

{Caption: Bungo Stray Dogs}

{Caption: One Bowl of Tea on Rice}

Atsushi [narrating]: One bowl of tea on rice.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi [narrating]: Pickled plums, slivered nori, and leftover chicken…all doused in piping hot water, then shoveled in with salted kelp. That was so good. All those bowls of tea on rice I’d sneak into the kitchen to make at the orphanage…

Atsushi: Eumph!

Atsushi’s thoughts: Dammit. I’m gonna die of hunger.

Atsushi: Ehumph…

Atsushi [narrating]: My name is Atsushi…

{Caption: Episode 1: Fortune Is Unpredictable and Mutable}

Atsushi [narrating]: …and due to unfortunate circumstances, I’m gonna die from starvation. After being thrown out of the orphanage, I had nothing to eat, nowhere to sleep, and of course, not a cent to my name.

Atsushi: Ehuah…

Atsushi [narrating]: And I don’t even have the courage to steal to survive.

Atsushi: Ahuah…

Atsushi [narrating]: That’s how I’ve arrived at my current predicament.

Atsushi: Ehueh…ehuem!

Atsushi [narrating]: However, if I wish to live, I have no choice but to steal and take from others!

Man #1 [flashback]: Get out, you good-for-nothin’!

(Atsushi: Euh?)

Atsushi: Heuah!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man #1 [flashback]: No orphanage wants someone like you.

Woman #1 [flashback]: The world would be a better place if you’d just die in a ditch somewhere!

Atsushi’s thoughts [flashback]: Shut up. Shut up!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi: Shut up, shut up! SHUT UPPPPP! Dying in a ditch? I won’t let that happen, just you wait! I’m gonna live no matter what! Right! I’m gonna rush the first person who comes along and then steal everything they’ve got! Ehauh! Ehe, uah!

Scooter: Vroom!

Atsushi: Maybe someone going a little slower. Okay, the next person. Eyah!

Soldiers: Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four!

Atsushi: I don’t imagine the military police carry wallets while they’re in training. Next time. And this time I really mean it. Ehuah!

(Soldiers: Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four!)

Atsushi: You’re mine, man! Ahuah! Ehuh…ehuh. He---he wasn’t quite what I had in mind.

Dazai: Glub glub glub glubglub glub gluarghglub!

Atsushi: Uh, I’ll let that one pass, thanks.

Dazai: Glubglubglubglub glueargh!

Atsushi: He’ll be okayyyyyy…FINE! Ehgeheahneyeh!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi: Deuaheah heaheaheaheah…

{Caption: In the end…I saved a life?}

Atsushi: Heaheaheaheah…huah! Eaugh! You were floating down the river. Are you okay?

Dazai: I made it. Damn!

Atsushi: What’s that?

Atsushi’s thoughts: Did this guy just say “damn”?

Dazai: Tell me…are you the one who interrupted my submersion?

Atsushi: You don’t remember? Yes, I saved your life. Wait! Submersion?

{Caption #1: Submersion…}

Dazai: You don’t get it? I was trying…to kill myself.

{Caption #1a: …Suicide?}

Atsushi: S---Suicide?!

Dazai: Sure! And I think everything was going just swimmingly, but you interfered and ruined my day.

{Caption #1: Why…}

Atsushi’s thoughts: Uh…is he scolding me for saving him?

{Caption #1a: …am I being lectured?}

Dazai: It’s not all your fault. My goal is to commit a completely clean suicide without burdening anyone. Yet I did trouble you, so really, the fault lies with me. I should apologize, or better still, make it up to you.

(Atsushi: Eheauh…ehauh…)

Atsushi’s stomach: Growl!

{Text in speech bubble: Growl}

Dazai: Are you, by chance…hungry?

Atsushi: Well…the truth is, I haven’t eaten in several days.

Dazai’s stomach: Growl!

{Text in speech bubble: Growl}

Atsushi: Duhah!

Dazai: How odd. I’m also hungry.

Atsushi: Lucky coincidence.

Dazai: But I’m afraid the river has taken my wallet.

(Frog: Ribbit!)

Atsushi: Ohhhhh…just my luck.

Kunikida: THERE YOU ARE, YOU TROUBLESOME BLOCKHEAD!

(Atsushi: Oh…)

Dazai: Oh, hey. You found me! Nice work, Kunikida!

(Arrow: Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!)

Kunikida: Nice work?! And just who caused all this work, you suicidal maniac?! I’ve had enough of this! DO YOU REALIZE HOW OFTEN YOU DISRUPT MY SCHEDULE…

Dazai: Hey, I know!

(Kunikida: …WITH YOUR SHENANIGANS?!)

Dazai: I just had a great idea. He’s a colleague of mine from work. Let’s have him treat you to a meal.

Kunikida: HEY, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!

(Atsushi: Owehewehweh!)

Dazai: So tell me…what's your name?

Atsushi: Eheuah…Atsushi…Nakajima, sir.

Dazai: Very good! Why don’t you come with me, Atsushi? What would you like to eat?

Atsushi: Um…well, if it’s not too much trouble…

Dazai: Oh, come on. There’s no need to hold back.

Atsushi: I’d really love some tea on rice.

Dazai: Ehum? Hmhmhmhmhehehahahahaha! So a boy on the brink of starvation wants to eat tea on rice. Very well, let’s have Kunikida treat you to thirty large bowls of it!

Kunikida: Don’t you get all generous with my money, Dazai!

Atsushi: Huh? You’re Dazai?

Dazai: Yep. That’s my name. It’s a pleasure to meet you, my new friend. I’m Osamu Dazai.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kunikida: You’re unreliable and you’re a fool, Dazai. Who says “Wow, that’s a nice river” and then jumps into it in the middle of a job?! Now we’re late! I’ll have to revise our whole schedule.

(Atsushi: Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom…)

Dazai: You’re obsessed with your schedules, Kunikida.

(Atsushi: Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom…)

Kunikida: Auh!

(Atsushi: Nomnom…)

{Text on book: Ideal}

Kunikida: This book isn’t just some day planner. This is an ideal. This is my sole guide in life! And nowhere in this book is it written that my coworker should be a suicidal maniac!

(Atsushi: Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom…)

Atsushi [through a mouthful of food]: You mean he tried to kill himself before?

Kunikida: Be quiet! And nowhere in my projected expenses is there a line item for a million bowls of tea on rice for a snot-nosed kid!

(Atsushi: Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom…)

Atsushi [through a mouthful of food]: What kind of work are you in?

Kunikida: And now he’s got questions!

(Atsushi: Nomnomnomnomnomnom…)

Atsushi [through a mouthful of food]: Well, you keep talking about it!

Kunikida: Fine, I’ll tell you. It involves the military.

(Atsushi: Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom…)

Dazai: How are you two communicating with each other?

(Atsushi: Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom…)

Atsushi: Hm? Oheauh…I’m so full! I’ve had enough rice to last me a good ten years!

Kunikida: Geargh! I strongly suggest you show a little gratitude after you ate this on my dime!

Atsushi: You’re a real life-saver.

Kunikida: Hm?

Atsushi: I came to Yokohama straight from the orphanage. I’ve had nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep since. I thought I’d starve to death.

Dazai: You’re from…an orphanage?

Atsushi: I was, yes. But they kicked me out.

Dazai: Sounds like a real philanthropic organization.

Kunikida: Look, Dazai.

Dazai: Ehuh?

Kunikida: We’re not a couple of do-gooders going around helping hard-luck cases.

{Text on book: Ideal}

Kunikida: We’ve got a job to do.

Atsushi: That reminds me. You said that your current job involves the military. What kind of work do you do?

Dazai: We’re private…investigators.

Atsushi: Investigators?

Kunikida: But we handle more than lost pets and cheating spouses. Our office has…uniquely gifted investigators. We’re the Armed Detective Agency.

Atsushi: Ehuah!

Atsushi’s thoughts: I’ve heard of the Armed Detective Agency…but I thought those were just stories. Tales of an agency specializing in cases that can’t be entrusted to the police or the military. An armed force that straddled the natural and supernatural worlds. But there was even more. I’d heard that many members of this elite agency possess…supernatural powers. Am I in the presence of two superhumans?

Kunikida: Geargh…

Dazai: Haoaoauh! Check out that support beam up there!

(Arrow: Beep! Beep! Beep!)

Atsushi: Eh…huh?

(Arrow: Beep!)

Kunikida: Don’t even think about hanging yourself in this teahouse.

(Dazai: Hahahaha!)

(Arrow: Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!)

Dazai: I’m not; I’m thinking of the “hanging health” technique.

(Arrow: Beep! Beep!)

Kunikida: What are you talking about?

(Arrow: Beep! Beep!)

Dazai: What, you don’t know? It’s so good for releasing muscle tension and shoulder cramps!

(Arrow: Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!)

Kunikida: Woah, that would be perfect for me!

(Arrow: Beep! Beep!)

Dazai: It would! You should write this down.

(Arrow: Beep! Beep!)

Atsushi: Ahueh…

Kunikida: This effective technique is the “hanging health” method. Uh-huh…

Dazai: I’m messing with you.

Atsushi’s thoughts: Are these two weirdos actually with the Armed Detective Agency?

(Kunikida: Geeeargh…just today, my agency partner leaps into…)

(Dazai: Aah! Ow!)

Kunikida: …a river, but it doesn’t end there, no! Then I have to foot the bill for an ungrateful kid on death’s door to stuff himself!

(Dazai: Aah! AAOUAH! Euh! Ack! Oh!)

Kunikida: My schedule for today was perfect, but now I have to start over…

(Dazai: Ow! Aaheaugh!)

Atsushi: Oh…

Kunikida: …from square one!

(Dazai: Ack!)

Atsushi: So about the job you said you’re both working on…

(Kunikida: WE’RE GONNA FINISH THIS JOB, MY GOD! RAAAAHHHH…)

Kunikida: WHAT?!

Atsushi: Sorry, sorry, sorry! I---I really shouldn’t have asked! Right, that was my mistake! Of course your jobs are classified! Please forgive me and don’t hurt me!

Kunikida: Actually, since you mentioned it, today’s job doesn’t require any secrecy. It’s for the government. We’re looking for a tiger.

Atsushi: A tiger?

Dazai: Yes, a ferocious man-eater who’s recently appeared in the city. Well, not that we know for sure it’s devoured anyone, but it’s ransacked warehouses, eaten farm animals, and caused general chaos. The authorities have received all kinds of scary reports about it. Hm? What’s wrong, Atsushi?

Atsushi: I---I---I’ll be leaving now. G---G---Goodbye! Eheah, eheah, eheah…

Kunikida: Not so fast!

(Atsushi: Eheahgeah! Geah!)

Atsushi: Heah heum…

Kunikida: Do you know something you’re not sharing with us?

(Atsushi: Heaheaheaheaheaheah…)

Atsushi: Heaheaheaheaheah! Oweah…don’t try. There’s no way you can stop that animal!

Kunikida: Really now? Tell us what you know about the tiger.

Atsushi: It---It’s after me. It almost killed me. If it’s been seen around here, I have to go now! Please! I’m begging you, just let me go! Eheauh…ehuaoh, huaheuh!

Kunikida: Look, kid. You’ll either pay for the food with your arm or tell us everything!

(Atsushi: Eh, eh, eheuh…)

Dazai: Now, now, Kunikida. Whenever you ask questions, it quickly deteriorates into an interrogation. You’ve been talked to about this.

(Atsushi: Eh, eh…eheauh…ehhuah, ehehuah…eheuah…eh…)

Kunikida: Humph!

Atsushi: Eheauh!

Dazai: Let me try.

Atsushi: Heauh…

Dazai: Okay, now what do you know about this tiger?

Atsushi: Euahueh…that tiger kept attacking my orphanage. It ruined our vegetable garden…it decimated our chicken coop…and emptied out our food warehouse. I mean, no one died, but the orphanage was already on a tight budget. I got kicked out so they’d have one less mouth to feed. I don’t have a home because of that tiger.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man #1 [flashback]: Get out, you good-for-nothin’!

Woman #1 [flashback]: The world would be a better place if you’d just die in a ditch somewhere!

Atsushi [flashback]: Why me? I didn’t do anything.

Man #2 [flashback]: We don’t need worthless leeches like you!

Man #3 [flashback]: You’re not welcome here! And you’ll never find a place where you do belong! Just go! I hope you rot in hell!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dazai: Well, that’s a tragic tale.

Kunikida: But back to the tiger. You said it almost killed you.

Atsushi: It shows up wherever I go, like it’s tracking me, hunting me down so it can pounce and tear me to shreds. Recently, when I was walking around the Tsurumi neighborhood…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tiger [flashback]: Growl…

Atsushi [flashback]: Ehueh! Eheuh…ehehueh!

Tiger [flashback]: Growl…

Atsushi [flashback]: Eheh! Ehe…

Man #5 [flashback]: It’s a tiger!

Woman #2 [flashback]: Run!

(Atsushi [flashback]: Eheh!)

(Man #5 [flashback]: Get out and run!)

Woman #2 [flashback]: Wahahah!

(Atsushi [flashback]: Eh! Eheaheah!)

Atsushi [narrating]: I started seeing it two weeks before the orphanage expelled me, but I’ve caught glimpses of it many times since then.

(Atsushi [flashback]: Eheaheaheah…)

(Man #5 [flashback]: Woahoah! Augh!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi: My instinct tells me it’s come to the city, hunting me.

Dazai: When was the last time you saw the tiger stalking you?

Atsushi: Uheuah…I think I saw it in Tsurumi four days ago. Y---Yeah, that sounds about right.

Kunikida: That makes sense. Reports of a wild tiger started coming in two weeks ago. And then, it was sighted again in Tsurumi, only four days ago.

Dazai: Hm…Atsushi, are you free tonight?

Atsushi: Neheaeh!

Atsushi’s thoughts: I have a really bad feeling about this…

Dazai: You being the man-eater’s target presents an excellent opportunity.

Atsushi: Ahuh?

Dazai: Would you please help us find the tiger?

Atsushi: FORGET IT! NO WAY!

Dazai: Kunikida, please give this to the Agency president.

Kunikida: The two of you are going to catch this animal? We should confirm his information first.

Dazai: It’ll be fine.

Kunikida: Hmph!

Atsushi: I’m not doing this, okay?! I know what you’re thinking; you’re planning to use me as bait! There’s no way I---

Dazai: There’s a reward, you know.

{Caption: Currently penniless}

Atsushi: There’s…a what now? A reward? No, I can’t. You are not gonna tempt me with a little money! But just so that I’m totally clear about my decision, how big is the reward for this case?

Dazai: This much.

Atsushi: AWUAH!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi: Dazai…sorry to interrupt, but what are you reading?

Dazai: A good book.

Atsushi: I’m surprised you can read when it’s this dark.

Dazai: I have excellent night-time vision.

{Text on book: Complete Guide to Suicide}

Dazai: Besides, I’ve read it before. I know everything that happens in this book.

Atsushi: That’s funny; then why are you reading it again?

Dazai: A good book is always good.

Atsushi: Eheuah…ehum…do you really think the tiger will track me down and come here?

Dazai: I know it will.

Atsushi: Heaeuh!

Dazai: But don’t worry.

Atsushi: Huaeh?

Dazai: When it shows up, it’ll be no match for me. I may not look tough, but I’m with the Agency for good reason.

Atsushi: Ehum…I admire your confidence. In fact, I’m kinda jealous. They called me a good-for nothing at the orphanage as far back as I can remember. And now, I don’t even know where I’ll sleep tonight or how I’ll get through tomorrow.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man #1 [flashback]: Get out, you good-for-nothin’!

Man #2 [flashback]: No matter how long you search, you’ll never find a place where you belong!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi: No one would mind if I died in a ditch somewhere and just disappeared forever. Yeah…maybe I would be better off getting eaten by a tiger.

Dazai: Well, then…I think it’ll be soon.

Metal bar: CLANG!

Atsushi: What?! DeauhaEHeauh! I just heard something back there!

Dazai: Yes, me too.

Atsushi: It’s probably the tiger, Dazai!

Dazai: Not quite. I think the wind just knocked something down.

Atsushi: It’s the man-eater! It tracked me down to eat me!

Dazai: Calm down, Atsushi. Tigers don’t suddenly appear out of nowhere.

Atsushi: How do you know that for sure?!

Dazai: Because something’s not right with your story.

Atsushi: Ehehuh?

Dazai: Just because their finances went south, why would an orphanage banish a poor, helpless child? It’s not in some provincial farming village from a bygone era. Banishing one or two mouths to feed would hardly put a dent in their deficit. It’d make more sense to downsize by transferring half of the kids to a different orphanage.

Atsushi: I---I don’t understand. What are you talking about, Dazai?

Dazai: Think about it. You came to the city two weeks ago. The tiger also appeared in the city two weeks ago. And you told us you were in the Tsurumi ward just four days ago. According to reports, the tiger was also sighted there four days ago. Remember what Kunikida said? The Armed Detective Agency is comprised of individuals with supernatural powers.

Atsushi: Geauhahuh!

Dazai: Though not a well-known fact, quite a few people possess supernatural abilities in this world.

(Atsushi: Eah, aah, aah, aah, ah, aah!)

Atsushi: Aaaaaaaheauh!

Dazai: Some people even use their abilities to achieve great success, while others fall into ruin, unable to control their powers.

(Atsushi: Aah, aaaaah, heuh, aahuheahaaaaahhhh! Ahuh!)

Dazai: I’m guessing that the orphanage staff knew who the tiger was, but out of fear, they declined to enlighten you. You were the only one in the dark, Atsushi. You see, you also have supernatural powers. In the moonlight, you can transform into a wild beast.

(Tiger: Grrrrr…grrr…growl!)

Tiger: Grr…roar! Roar! Grr!

Dazai: An impressive display. You could snap a person’s neck.

(Tiger: Growl!)

Tiger: Roar!

Dazai: You could tear a man’s heart from his chest. Hm? Hm!

Tiger: Growl!

Dazai: Come to think of it, this isn’t a bad way to meet my doom: being eaten by a tiger.

Tiger: Grr!

Dazai: But even all your strength can’t kill me. My ability is…

{Caption: No Longer Human}

Dazai: No Longer Human!

Tiger: Roar!

Dazai: My power allows me to reverse anyone else’s power. It works through a simple touch. If you’re flirting, I’m not interested.

{Text in speech bubble: Thud}

Kunikida: There you are, Dazai!

Dazai: Ehum? You’re late, Kunikida. I’ve captured our predator.

(Kunikida: Heaheaheaheaheaheah!)

Kunikida: What do you mean? It’s the boy?

Dazai: Yep, he can change into a deadly tiger.

Kunikida: Ah, geez!

Dazai: Hm?

Kunikida: What was with this note, huh?

Dazai [reading from note]: The tiger will be in the fifteenth district’s warehouse. Secure the perimeter so that it can’t escape.

Dazai: My, what a lovely and concise note!

Kunikida: You left out one vital detail. Next time, you better tell me what’s going on. Thanks to you, I brought in agents who weren’t even on call. First round’s on you.

Kenji: Hehehe, hey!

{Caption #1: Yosano Akiko}

{Caption #2: Ability: Thou Shalt Not Die}

Yosano: Please don’t tell me there are no casualties. Talk about boring.

{Caption #1: Edogawa Ranpo}

{Caption #2: Ability: Ultra-Deduction}

Ranpo: You’ve gotten better at solving cases, Dazai. But! My logical skills will solve the big ones.

{Caption #1: Miyazawa Kenji}

{Caption #2: Ability: Be Not Defeated by the Rain}

Kenji: He’s not dead. What are we gonna do with him when he wakes up? He didn’t know he could do this, did he?

Kunikida: Apparently. Or so it seems.

{Caption #1: Kunikida Doppo}

{Caption #2: Ability: Doppo Poet}

Kunikida: Now what, Dazai? He’s been designated a security threat.

Dazai: Ehehehehe!

Kunikida: Hm?

Yosano: Hm?

{Caption #1: Dazai Osamu}

{Caption #2: Ability: No Longer Human}

Dazai: I’ve already made my decision.

Kenji: Ehum?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atsushi [flashback]: They called me a good-for-nothing at the orphanage as far back as I can remember. And now, I don’t even know where I’ll sleep tonight or how I’ll get through tomorrow. No one would mind if I died in a ditch somewhere and just disappeared forever. Yeah…maybe I would be better off getting eaten by a tiger.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dazai: We’re going to make him one of us.

Kenji: Cool!

Yosano: Seriously?

Ranpo: Dazai…you are an idiot.

Kunikida: OHHHHH?!

Kenji: There, there, my little were-tiger friend.

(Kunikida: WHAT MAKES YOU GET TO DECIDE THAT, HUHHHHH?!)

Dazai: Up, Atsushi!

Dazai’s thoughts: Here, in a city teeming with the supernatural, in a detective agency full of eccentrics…

(Kenji: Hmhmhmhmhm!)

Dazai’s thoughts: …a strange tale’s about to unfold. This is only a sign of things to come, a premonition.

Atsushi: Mmneauh…

Dazai’s thoughts: It starts now.

Atsushi: Euah…hello? Eheumeheuh…who are you?

Dazai: Atsushi.

Atsushi: Ehuah?

Dazai: Do you remember anything from when you were transformed?

Atsushi: What are you talking about?

Dazai: Oh! Look at that, your right hand didn’t change back.

Atsushi: My right hand?

{Caption #1: Nakajima Atsushi}

{Caption #2: Ability: Beast Beneath The Moonlight}

Atsushi: WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTT?! What the---what is this?! WHAT THE HELL?! Get it off, get it off, get it off, GET IT OFF, AHAEH!

Dazai: Atsushi Nakajima!

(Atsushi: AHEAUAHAH!)

Atsushi: Deah! Ehuah!

Dazai: From this day forward, you’re going to be one of us.

Atsushi: Eheuh…

Dazai: You’re the new member of the Armed Detective Agency.

Atsushi: Eheuah…

Atsushi’s thoughts: I’m what?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption: Bungo Stray Dogs}

Atsushi: Huaeh…it’s been a long time since I’ve slept on a futon. I feel reborn.

Kunikida: Hey, kid. Hightail it over to the Agency. There’s an emergency!

Atsushi: An emergency?

Kunikida: A man’s taken a hostage in our office and he’s got a bomb.

Atsushi: I don’t wanna go! That sounds dangerous!

Atsushi [narrating]: That’s all coming up next on Bungou Stray Dogs: A Certain Bomb.

{Caption: Episode 2: A Certain Bomb}

Kunikida: Ability: Doppo Poet!

{Text on paper: Wire Gun}

[horseteapot]

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