#global pandemic of stupidity

[raiiney-days]

i think earth is just one big fucked up dnd campaign. like, god is the sleep deprived dm who was trying to run a erious campaign but gave up bcs the players kept fucking around and doing stupid shit. and jesus and the archangels are the players who keep coming up with increasingly stupid ways to deal with shit.

[vicsdeangelis]

Genuinely don't understand what people don't get about that interview. For me, it looks like this:

Interviewer: People (aka listners) like your song Zitti e buoni because it was released in a time of great distress and restrictions and they could relate to the anger in the song (which is obvs not about covid since it existed since 2016!!! )

The band: Yeah, the song is about anger and a lot of people can relate to it

I mean no offense, and I blame some of the confusion on the double translation, but the fandom's takeaway is ridiculous to me. When I saw it after reading the interview I was like "what? did we read the same thing?". At no point did the band say that ZeB was written about covid restriction. It resonated with people better because of it, but it's obviously not what the song is about. Again, no offense, but this whole discourse looks very stupid to me.

Also, yes, they assign new meanings to songs after they are written, but that's what a lot of writers, not just songwriters, do. When a song/book/etc. is done, you can look at it from a new perspective and go like "Actually, this could be about X thing. I wonder if that's what influenced me in some part, not just Y, like I thought."

none taken but like. not to be rude, but you're the one bringing it up again cuz i was more than ready to be done with it

here's the screenshot again:

"because it was an outcry against covid restrictions" to me sounds like he was saying the song was about the topic, not just how fans interpreted it (which is also stupid in itself btw like who were the fucking idiots jamming to zeb thinking "yeah fuck staying at home let's spread covid around" in 2021????)

the first hard left for me was thomas saying it wasn't out of thin air. someone tried to explain it away, saying it wasn't out of thin air because they heard the rumor before, but it doesn't make sense with the rest of his answer. then he basically confirmed it by saying "he was not only referring to the covid situation", meaning that there was something about it in the song. not originally, because it was written in 2016, but how they assigned a new meaning to it within the context of 2021

that's what the interview says. if it's what thomas said originally or not, we don't know. if there was a mistranslation from italian to german, and then because of it there was a mistake in the english translation, we don't know either. but that's what the interview says.

and there's a difference between assigning a new meaning to something you've already made with something different in mind, and saying the song is about something after you already said something else previously, which is what they do. i don't have a problem with that, i don't care. like i said, even if they are straight up lying about what their songs mean (which, let me clarify that i don't actually think they're doing that, i meant that it would be funny if they were) i don't care, i would enjoy it if they were lies because i'm of the thought that celebrities don't actually owe us any information, be it about themselves or their art, because art doesn't have a single universal meaning for everyone, despite the creators intentions.

[probablyasocialecologist]

In this book you focus on the idea of gender as a global ‘phantasm’ – this charged, overdetermined, anxiety- and fear-inducing cluster of fantasies that is being weaponised by the right. How did you go about starting to investigate that? Judith Butler: When I was burned in effigy in Brazil in 2017, I could see people screaming about gender, and they understood ‘gender’ to mean ‘paedophilia.’ And then I heard people in France describing gender as a Jewish intellectual movement imported from the US. This book started because I had to figure out what gender had become. I was naïve. I was stupid. I had no idea that it had become this flash point for right-wing movements throughout the world. So I started doing the work to reconstruct why I was being called a paedophile, and why that woman in the airport wanted to kill me with the trolley. I’m not offering a new theory of gender here; I’m tracking this phantasm’s formation and circulation and how it’s linked to emerging authoritarianism, how it stokes fear to expand state powers. Luckily, I was able to contact a lot of people who translated Gender Trouble in different parts of the world, who were often gender activists and scholars in their own right. They told me about what’s happening in Serbia, what’s happening in Brazil, Chile, Argentina, Russia. So I became a student of gender again. I’ve been out of the field for a while. I stay relatively literate, of course, but I’ve written on war, on ethics, on violence, on nonviolence, on the pandemic… I’m not in gender studies all the time. I had to do a lot of reading.  There’s a lot of focus in the book on how the anti-gender movement has moved across the world in the past few decades, and how it’s inextricable from Catholic doctrine. It was clarifying for me; domestic anti-trans movements in the UK mostly self-identify as secular.  Judith Butler: In the UK, and even in the US, people don’t realise that this anti-gender ideology movement has been going on for some time in the Americas, in central Europe, to a certain degree in Africa, and that it’s arrived in the US by different routes, but it’s arrived without announcing its history. It became clear to me that a lot of the trans-exclusionary feminists didn’t realise where their discourse was coming from. Some of them do; some people who call themselves feminists are aligned with right-wing positions, and it’s confusing, but there it is. There’s an uncomfortable history of fascist feminism in movements like British suffragism, for instance. Judith Butler: Yes, and of racism. But when Putin made clear that he agreed with JK Rowling, she was probably surprised, and she rightly said, ‘no, I don’t want your alliance’, but it was an occasion for her to think about who she’s allying herself with, unwittingly or not. The anti-gender movement was first and foremost a defence of Biblical scripture, and of the idea that God created man and woman, and that the human form exists only in this duality and that without it, the human is destroyed – God’s creation is destroyed. So that morphed, as the Vatican’s doctrine moved into Latin America, into the idea that people who advocate ‘gender’ are forces of destruction who seek to destroy man, woman, the human, civilisation and culture. 

[beehop]

i see ateez in two days and i keep forgetting about it bc i bought the ticket so long ago it doesn't feel real

[neil-gaiman]

hey mr gaiman. i saw that this post got revisited and wanted to address it.

i submitted this ask over a year ago on my old account and it was one of the stupidest things i ever did. it was my first tumblr account. id only been really online for a few weeks. i was 13. i was just coming back to school after a global pandemic.

ive been a fan of good omens for years and a fan of yours for longer. i was brought up reading odd and the frost giants and fortunately the milk, and as i got older i fell in love with your norse mythology book, good omens, snow glass apples, the sleeper and the spindle, and more.

i was excited to see one of my favorite authors on tumblr and tried to come up with the most bold and interesting ask i could think of.

i was rude and misinformed and it was a stupid choice of me to send it in with no thought.

but i got feedback. some in the form of kind suggestions. quite a few in the form of death threats and people telling me to kill myself.

while those specific messages were rude and hateful, the point got across. i educated myself to the best of my abilities, and eventually came back online.

not only did i misuse the term queerbaiting but i also implied that you were not an amazing supporter of the queer community. that’s absolutely incorrect. you’ve done so much for us with activism, representation, and overall kindness.

i wanted to address this ask that got so much attention because despite moving accounts i still feel guilt and shame every time i see it, or even when i interact with any of your posts at all. i need to actually address it.

also, i wanted a proper apology to be made. by no means am i now a saint. but im trying to be more thoughtful about thinking before i speak.

whether or not you decide to make a public response to this, i think ill find some peace knowing you’ve received this. ive needed closure on this for a long time.

im overjoyed and thrilled that season two is so close. thank you for tolerating the dumb questions of pretentious kids and thank you for helping to create a world where we can grow to be better than we were.

First of all, and most importantly, I'm really sorry that people were mean to you. That's awful. And nobody should ever have to deal with death threats or online threats and attacks, let alone a thirteen year old.

And secondly, you do not owe me an apology. I figure I have a Tumblr account, people ask things. Mostly they'll get nice replies, occasionally (normally when I'm being asked the same thing over and over) the replies will be terser. There has to be a certain amount of rough and tumble though, and occasionally I'll grab an ask that represents all of the asks I've had on that subject, and try and reply to all of them. That's what happened to you. I was getting tired of being accused of Queerbaiting for the occasional answer about a Season that was not yet released and about which nobody knew anything. And I needed to tell everyone who was doing this that they had to stop now. You had the misfortune to be the representative of all of the other people.

If you are not making mistakes you are not human and you are not learning anything.

(I wish there was tone of voice on the internet.)

And I think you are growing and learning and will make a fantastic adult.

I really hope you enjoy Season 2 when it drops.

[kingmakher]

I think it’s GREAT that some people think astrology and their believers are stupid. COOL BUDDY 👍🏾

Make some room ACTUALLY! Everyone can’t stay anyway 🤷🏾‍♀️

The astrologers have been ON POINT about EVERYTHING from the Pandemic to actual assasination attempts to global internet blackouts. And then these mfs have the nerve to add in channeling, human design AND cardology. The believers who can manage to not get overwhelmed and can adapt to the changes are at an advantage.

The work is messy and scary asf and even the people doing the inner work are fucking up as designed.

I am not an astrologer, I can just see that the astrologers are not fucking around!

[raceweek]

hello. alexalblondo's rude anon coming here to humbly and politely beg for galex primer because i dont understand their history. george said he lived at alex's family's house at one point? how - weren't they already racing? sorry thank you humble thank you 🙏🙏

hello!!! thanks chris for the referral FKFJDKD

i have overwhelmed my alex and george tags so much that i fear i could never capture all of it but my galex key moment anthology is under the cut!!

karting/early single seaters

Alex thinks they met in 2011 but the footage in georges flip phone says he knew alex back in 2009.

Their first actual interaction (so far as they've told the world) was when alex was world champion with the intrepid karting team and bc he was their reference driver he was asked to help pick the drivers who were quick to replace him when he moved up and he picked george (and charles) so they were then part of that same intrepid driver programme for a while. Interestingly, alex was always at least one year above him bc of their ages and george says the fact they didn't really race directly against each other before 2016 was probably why they became such good friends.

They did a deep dive of their camera rolls from this time on twitch a couple years back and talked about the oldest pictures they have of each other in their camera rolls (1:25:36) which was cute.

2017

2017 is the year george basically lived with alex. They were also sharing a trainer whilst alex was competing in gp2 and george was in gp3. George was doing mercedes sim work at their factory so rented a flat in milton keynes near where alex lived but according to alex that rent was wasted money bc george had more meals at alexs' house than he did that year. Also as detailed in those links, the Great Mountain Biking Incident of 2017 occurred at this time so we have the fun mental image of george literally wheeling alex into a&e on a wheelchair bc that is an actual event that happened.

2018

George and alex both in f2 fighting for the title year wooooo!! They never really fought on track but we did get fun tidbits like when alex pipped george to the win at silverstone bc george had a slow pit stop and giggled about it in parc ferme (5:42) & these post session interviews.

also some incredible photoshoots.

2019

Promotion to f1!!! We started the year at winter testing and this nugget that they have both accepted that they are actually tied together by the strings of fate. They're doing fun media stuff like karting and bullying each other over percentage of apexs hit at the skypad (video). 2019 also the start of the umbrella sharing. They were just together a lot… more skypad analysis!!!

2019 also has MY personal favourite galex moment which was hockenheim 2019 and the 45 minute phone call galex had on the way home after george missed out on scoring what would have been his first point in f1 and only point of the season.

There was also the summer break and enjoying a training camp together, exchanging infections etc. Alex also took george to meet lily for the first time, bc that’s a normal thing to do.

There was also the rookie of the year vid, and the rookie season review vid at the end of the year. Much was happening.

2020

The year started with f1 trying to race during a global pandemic. Fun! On the singular media day before everyone realised just how stupid that was they were being annoying. The lockdowns did give us the twitch streams. George was initially so bad at virtual racing he had to secretly consult alex's brother for help behind alexs back. George was also actively seeking alex out like a missile at any given opportunity and at one point felt necessary to declare that he wasn't alexs boyfriend when someone asked if alex was going to be streaming that day. Anyway my lockdown twitchscapades tag has a post with a playlist of all the streams that haven't been lost or deleted if you want to feel joy and have a spare million hours.

Racing resumed in July with the covid team bubbles and within two races and one qualifying session george was defending alexs honour to sky sports and the world in a truly remarkable fashion.

At the end of the year alex was unemployed....even more tragic than this loss was that alexs career difficulties were so extreme he started ghosting george, which devastated him to the extent he needed to publicly drag him for it.

There was also george asking lily to post alexs n*des on instagram and lily responding with if anyone has them it would be you which was perhaps the last time george had access to his own social media password.

Despite george not liking it they celebrated alexs first podium by going golfing! and reverse! George was also gifted an alex albon signed autograph card for christmas and said that he'll put it somewhere special x

2021

The beginning of 2021 was during lockdown and there was more fun virtual gps except the only two drivers doing it were george and alex so they were just bitching and gossiping and threatening to steal strategies and abu dhabi 2016 each other. Particular shoutout to the time they had a virtual race on valentines day and alex put a suit on for it and george was baffled. Immediately after valentines day was georges birthday which lily used to thank george for letting her borrow his boyfriend from time to time.

Then the season started with george enduring the season alexless and not letting anyone forget about it. Alex was turning up to races after being locked in the simulator until the early hours posting stuff like this on instagram and otherwise stumbling over his words after getting whipped on the ass.

Perhaps the defining moment of the galex 2021 season was george pushing the williams board to sign alex so heavily that they had to actively shut him out of proceedings. Also at this time there was this cute congrats from alexs family and one from alex to georgie about the mercedes seat.

anyway here's some more random 2021 nuggets:

i've seen him topless a few times

george getting alex a good deal on a merc x

yet More golf

the handover

georges driver room

2022

They truly lost every inch of personal space in 2022 like. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. The back signing Hello.

2022 had alex having his appendix out, nearly dying and alexs family updating george whilst alex was in the icu and then when alex returned for the next race in signapore a couple weeks later (insane behaviour) george was like mmm audacious of him to be here.

Elsewhere alex discovered georges photoshoot and was making screensavers about it. Alex also discovered hair dye and george was making instagram stories about it.

other random 2022 nuggets:

george is alexs fave f1 driver excluding himself

this skit williams did of lily finding a huge picture of george in alexs driver room

whatever this image is of lily george and alex

private plane carpool

double date

2023

@onadarklingplain covers the whole year for you much MUCH better than i ever could here!!!!!

and that brings us to present where they're just as weird and freaky with each other as ever!!!

[gatitties]

Half dead

─Task Force 141 x young!reader

─Summary: trapped after a mission, not everything seems to be going well for you, a deadly virus attacks the world and it seems that your provisional team is not very smart

─Warnings: blood, mentions of dismemberments, descriptive scenes¿, bad words, cliché, death, typical CoD violence

Part One / Part Two

I consider this as something special for Halloween¿¿, anyway I wanted to write a zombie!reader, if you have more ideas related don't be shy to request 😗

It was a hot day, too hot to be able to last more hours in the combat suit, as if that were not enough, you had been assigned with other officers for this specific mission, you did not have enough confidence to make jokes or sing a small part of that song stuck in your mind, it was the most boring day of your life but work was work.

Everything went well, maybe too well, and of course everything that ends well always has to have some setback since nothing and no one is perfect, but what you expected was that some enemy had escaped, some threat of death or things like that, however, you did not expect a virus spreading globally.

You were pretty screwed, all communication with the base was cut off, all the information was left with infected people that you had to avoid at all costs until you reached a safe and decontaminated area. You feared the worst and it seems like you're always right when you do since you were living through a fucking zombie apocalypse, it wasn't a big surprise to encounter several walking corpses on your way to the base after you were given specific orders to kill anyone who looked rotten.

What kind of time had you grown up in? It wasn't enough with a global pandemic that now you have to face a fucking apocalypse, you would prefer to have been born in the Middle Ages, at least they could have condemned you to death by burning at the stake or some far-fetched torture, it sounded more interesting and horrifying than simply a bacterial contagion.

The arrival at the base was complicated when you found a large horde, you supported the idea of surrounding the zombies but apparently the two assigned captains decided to play to see who had the biggest dick and see who could kill the most undead, they were orders from captain and you couldn't just go back to your boys until this stupid situation was over.

Apparently the only thing they managed to do was attract half of the infected city to your position, which ended in you having to separate and fight on your own. In turn, your luck wasn't smiling on you today Does that ever happen anyway? It didn't matter anymore because you were officially infected, the bite on your forearm made you bite your tongue when you saw the color of the blood mixed with yellow spittle, you were too slow and cowardly to cut off another arm at, yes, they had to bite you on your only good arm, you were so lucky.

From that moment on the infected lost interest in you, they nipped you a little and found one of your companions who was fleeing from another horde more delicious, well, screw life, at least you were able to enjoy everything you could, a shame that you can no longer continue bothering the boys with your presence.

You lay on the ground, looking at the scorching sun, your hand moved to your belt, grabbing a small radio that connected you to the central base, your pulse was unstable and your whole body began to shake, the heat became unbearable and you thought that you were experiencing hyperhidrosis. You pressed the button and brought the device closer to your mouth with the little strength you had.

"Hello… hello here “nibbles” the mission was a success, I guess you know that, but we had some complications on the way home, that virus, those stupid zombies" your breathing accelerated and for a moment you almost vomited right there "ugh… it doesn't matter, I- I don't think I'm going to make it in one piece even though I'm already missing an arm and I'm not 'in one piece' per se but…"

Even in a situation like this you couldn't help but make jokes, you continued your little talk until you felt like your consciousness was finally fading.

"I'm sorry, what I wanted to say is that I will miss you and that I will save you a special seat in hell, I don't know if we will see each other again but if we do I hope you have a bullet reserved in my name before I cause more problems , bye bye you idiots…"

You didn't want to seem too sentimental, but all the emotions and memories tightened your chest, you let the message be sent as you closed your eyes smiling at the sky, your body began to cool, suffocating the previous feeling of extreme heat.

You expected it, you expected to wake up, see the world in a different color, growl, search for meat, you know all that zombies do, however when you woke up a headache was what bothered you the most, the moon was shining in all its splendor, even though you didn't know if you'd slept a whole day or more, your whole body still felt strange and numb, like you'd taken a beating and couldn't feel anything.

But the thing was that apart from a strange feeling of being very hungry and the numbness of your body, everything remained the same, the bite mark disappeared, your wounds healed… you thought that maybe you were the cliché character who had antibodies against the zombie virus, but seeing how some of the living dead walked past you, ignoring you, made you think that it wasn't like that.

You were dead, at least, half dead, your body seemed capable enough to withstand the virus, but only half of the antibodies seemed to work on it so you were in a kind of limbo. You didn't have the need to specifically eat human meat, you still had rational thoughts (to a certain extent because you were still you), but you didn't feel your body, your skin changed its tone to a more yellowish one? you were definitely rotting, besides…

"Is this some kind of punishment for all that dark humor? I guess that's fair."

Was what you muttered to you between grunts, something else, it seemed like you weren't going to be able to speak properly since your throat seemed damaged. When you got up, one of your eyes fell out of its socket, it was hanging from the nerve, you did your best to put it in its place. You checked that your whole body responded to your movements and it did, so now you didn't know what to do. Should you go back to base? Would they kill you now that you know you're a zombie? You didn't have much to lose anyway, maybe you could say goodbye to the boys properly.

At dawn you found yourself banging on the armored doors, you were greeted by a bunch of clipped shotguns and AKs that completely lowered themselves when they recognized you, you underwent certain decontamination chambers and they let you pass. No suspicion? You looked like a terminally ill person, what kind of security was this? You couldn't complain either.

"Oh God look, where the hell were you!? and why did that message come yesterday!?"

As soon as you set foot in the meeting room where some soldiers dragged you away, Price's angry voice hit you like a slap.

"Not even a hello? How was your mission?"

You smiled swallowing your nerves, for once you felt intimidated because everyone was there watching as if you were a prey, you could see that their intentions were to look for any type of bite, although again, no one noticed that you looked like a decomposing body? Did you look that bad normally? Hard blow to your morale.

"We were worried about you, you seem sick, did you spend the night out because of that? You have the voice of a sailor with a cold."

Soap approached you but you backed away unconsciously when he reached for your arm, Gaz and Price shared a stunned look while Ghost's eyes darkened.

"Eh… I'm sorry, I think you shouldn't touch me, I think- I think-" you didn't have the courage to say it out loud, despite all the inside jokes you had made with yourself about being a walking corpse, you felt like it was too much worse to tell them because they would have to be the ones to kill you, the ones to kill their own partner, but it would be easier and less dangerous for them, right? "I'm infected."

The room fell silent, you avoided any kind of eye contact while they seemed to argue silently, Gaz was the one who stepped forward to Soap's side, a step closer to you.

"Maybe you're being paranoid, you just look sick, it's not the first time we've seen you with a fever, the last time you thought you were Spiderman and you hung from a lamp, remember?"

As much as you wanted to laugh at that memory you slowly denied, they didn't believe you in the slightest due to your constant jokes, thinking that you joked even in a situation like this (which isn't a lie if you weren't already a zombie), you swallowed dryly when this time it was Ghost that approached you, you knew that you wouldn't be able to dodge him if he tried to grab your arm, not like Soap, and so it was, you didn't feel his grip on your non-prosthetic arm but you saw it clearly, his look was slowly killing you.

"Prove it, if you are infected, prove it."

"Only if you promise to kill me."

And inevitably everyone tensed up because of the seriousness with which you said that, they didn't see that confidence in your words very often, and your determined look… they didn't want to think what they were thinking, they didn't want to accept that you had really become one of those walking rotten things, you were there, you could talk ─with a little difficulty─ but you seemed as normal as ever, how was it possible that you were infected if you didn't look like a monster?

Ironically they had to believe it by force, since you couldn't feel, you didn't notice that Ghost hadn't let go of your arm, the grip was stronger than you thought and it resulted in you turning around and taking a couple of steps to go to the cells, your arm came off your shoulder, at first they thought it was simply your prosthetic arm, but it wasn't like that.

"Oh fuck…"

Gaz leaned on Soap, Price sat in the nearest chair while Ghost looked in detail at how the bone in your arm protruded from the detached appendage as well as some veins that looked like small threads clinging to the rest of your body since they had not detached completely. You smiled embarrassed at the ignorance that you were now a Playmobil, as if that were not enough, your eye fell out of its socket again at that precise moment.

"Uh- oh, I think there you have your evidences, do you need me to start smelling like rotten meat or…?"

Ghost put your arm back in its place slowly, taking a step back, although it fell again and you had to use a handkerchief to make it stay in its place, you put your eye back in its socket, it slipped a couple of times because it was now wet due to some stubborn tears.

"Hey, hey, we're not going to kill you, I'm not going to-"

Soap had the intention of calming you down, trying to reach you although both Gaz and Ghost stopped him before he could get close to you, seeing this was like having a thorn stuck in your heart.

"No, it's fine, really, I came here so you could finish me off, one less threat on the battlefield."

You intended the joke to be funny, but all you earned were silent stares, right now you felt completely out of place, in an awkward silence between you and your team.

"No, no, you haven't thought about this have you? We can't kill you idiot." Price's insult and his usual scolding tone was the only thing that made you feel back on earth, everyone looked at him, he seemed to be fuming from his ears while the gears in his head turned "From the little we know, all the zombies have been aggressive and driven by impulses towards all kinds of life, but you're here having a normal conversation and being the dumbass you usually are on a normal day, don't you understand? We can't kill you, they can't kill you, you're different."

Oh that part came, you're different from the rest, you lived your whole life to be told that, man, were you in a fanfic? At least you hoped it wasn't one of those where they decided to put photos of outfits instead of describing the clothes or one of those where they gave you an overly detailed look.

"Does that mean I can stay half alive?"

"For the moment, anyway, no one else has to know."

Clicking your tongue as if finding out that you would still be alive was bad news, returning to your natural state of humor everyone looked at you disapprovingly, everyone seemed to sigh in relief at Price's comment, Soap and Gaz were the first to approach knowing that you wouldn't do anything, although Ghost insisted on putting a muzzle on you just in case.

For the moment they could keep you hidden from the rest of the soldiers inside the base, but it wouldn't take long for your skin to rot completely, and the smell of death was something that wasn't so easy to hide, they were playing against time until someone found you and inform it, seeing your unusual behavior as a zombie would surely draw the attention of the scientists and these guys wouldn't be willing to have you tortured in the name of science and then not get a shitty cure, they weren't risking that for you.

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Low-effort headcanon that no one asked for.

But laughter is the best medicine and I need lots of laughter right now.

So here's the boys as comedic tropes.

Stand-Up Swashbucklers

OPLA! Sanji, Zoro, Shanks, Mihawk, Buggy

SFW

Stupid af, sorry in advance

Sanji

Corny Pick-Up Lines

"Just blinded by your beauty."

"Love, I hope you have a license for those eyes, because I've never encountered a deadlier weapon."

"I've been dabbling in interior design lately, and I think you'd make a fine addition to my bedroom."

"I haven't been a pirate for long, but I'm certain you have to be the greatest treasure in all the seas."

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by a few more times?"

Zoro

Dry One-Liners

"Don't like what you see, look away."

"Did you take lessons on being an asshole or is it a natural talent?"

"If I promise I'll miss you, will you leave me alone?"

"You should write a book. How To Be A Miserable Failure: For Dummies."

"Your ass must be jealous of how much shit comes out of your mouth."

Shanks

Bad Puns and Dad-Jokes

"I could take you...with one arm tied behind my back."

"What's wrong with me? Well, you could say I'm not all there."

*pointing at a keg of ale* "I'd tap that."

"I used to shave every day, but this beard, well, it sort of...grew on me."

"I'd offer you a hand, but I really haven't got one to spare."

Mihawk

The Lord of the Roasts

"Oh, come now Vice Admiral, I don't take orders—even from the likes of you."

"There truly isn't a single thought behind those eyes, is there?"

"Have you ever wondered how different your life would be, had you been born with even one single ounce of common sense?"

"I'd tell you to reconsider that statement, but that would require you to actually think, and I'm not sure you possess such a talent."

"Were idiocy contagious, you could singlehandedly bring about a global pandemic."

Buggy

Chop-Chop Slapstick

"Surprise, shithead!"

"That deserves a round of applause—" *drops both hands into a beer stein, actively clapping*

"Yeah, I'll lend you an ear, just give it back when you're done."

"I'm a little, shall we say, detached from reality."

"I'd give an arm and a leg to see that. In fact, here, take them."

[communistkenobi]

like I’m sorry even setting aside the unquantifiable violence of modern history for a moment did we not all live through a global pandemic the last three years together. mass graves visible from space. millions dead and dying still. all the direct result of deliberate disregard by the ruling class. or how about the much more boring daily stupid cruel evil awful things billions of people have to endure because they werent able to purchase their way out of that cruelty. every year the planet gets hotter and the rich continue to get richer. all that wealth has a body count. yes them dying isn’t going to end capitalism everyone fucking knows that but a thousand gruesome jokes about a submarine exploding isn’t going to change what happens to them either lmfao. nobody posting about this on tumblr has any structural power & you actually don’t have to start finger wagging at people having a laugh at the expense of some stupid fucking rich people dying. you guys enjoyed the dead queen memes but I guess laughing at this is too far for some reason? weak ass liberal respectability politics website

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

A certain mega-narc was noticeably absent from Victoria’s big 50th birthday bash here in London. I wonder if this was a bruise to M’s ego… Any thoughts on this? She basically has paid PR friends who are d-list actresses like herself and its pretty pathetic. I bet Meghan envisioned her life being very different than the sad reality it actually is, as she’s still a massive fraud and a failure, but now on a global scale. I don’t think she will ever get to the crème de la crème of elites that she craves to be like and obsesses over. Even Misha Nonoo married better than poor old Meg. I think Harry is well and truly stuck with her because she will never find anyone as weak or as spineless or as stupid as him. He’s not wealthy enough for her lazy good for nothing ass, but beggars can’t be choosers - and she has been a desperate grifter and beggar all her life. I truly believe this toxic marriage is her ultimate karma and it couldn’t happen to a nicer person.

The Beckhams put a stop to Meghan's PR shenanigans with their family in 2021. The cracks have been there since 2018.

Sometime in late 2017/early 2018, Meghan accused Victoria of leaking about her to the tabloids. Harry called David to confront them about it and there was a row. Supposedly they patched things up and the Beckhams were invited to the wedding. (Revealed in 2022)

Harry asked David to be an ambassador for the Sydney Invictus Games and David agreed. But when the Games were actually taking place, Harry refused to meet, see, or speak to David. It pissed David off and he soured on Harry.

Meghan asked Victoria for free clothes. Victoria declined; she doesn't give freebies. (First revealed in 2019, resurfaced again in 2023.)

Fast forward to 2021 when the Beckhams' son has gotten engaged and they're planning the wedding. Meghan issued several PR stories and a blind item about how the Beckhams are scheduling their son's wedding around the Sussexes' availability.

The 2021 PR manifestation for invites to the Beckham wedding seems to have been the final straw that broke the Beckhams' back. It's pretty plausible, IMO; there haven't been any articles, stories, or blind items about the Sussexes and Beckhams hanging out. In fact, the Beckhams have been pretty solidly aligned with the Waleses since early 2022 and appear to have cut all ties with the Sussexes.

July 2022. David and William do a mental health thing together.

December 2022. David leaves the FIFA Qatar World Cup for a whirlwind trip to Boston to present at Earthshot 2022.

May 2023. David gives King Charles a jar of honey from his bees. (Becks got into beekeeping during the pandemic. It's covered in their documentary.)

July 2023. David and Victoria throw a huge party in Miami to celebrate Messi's first game with the team. All the celebs from LA attend. No Sussexes.

April 2024. Sussexes are in Miami for polo party. No Beckhams. Not even a hint or trace of PR - in the olden days, Meghan would've at least tried to manifest a lunch or cocktails.

And of course, we can't forget David queueing for 12+ hours to pay his respects to The Queen. If that's not a sign to the rest of us that he's exclusively TeamBRF, then I don't know what is.

[reality-detective]

“We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.”

~ William Faulkner

As crazy as this may sound, there are large numbers of the population that will need to learn to be free. The illusionary walls of the matrix run deep in people’s consciousness and the ‘safety’ of prison is chosen by many, over the risk of the unknown.

The structure, the rules, the norms, the welfare system, the false security and the state as the protector of the masses, runs deep in people’s psyche, after all, we were all indoctrinated to believe that without it there is only chaos and anarchy.

The constant overwhelming fear mongering with threats of climate disasters, global pandemics, endless wars or nuclear armageddon are designed to make you feel powerless and defenceless in the face of catastrophic threats and therefore needing of the governmental structures and processes to keep you safe and alive. ‘Little you’ can do nothing without them.

Freedom from the matrix is therefore dangerous in the eyes of the masses who feel they need the constant ‘protection’ from a hostile, dangerous world in continuous turmoil.

The Covid pandemic brought to light how much people were willing to give up for a little safety, it was sad to witness the degree of servitude, compliance, ignorance, reliance and in some cases utter stupidity we have reached as a species.

The dumming down purpose of education was a success. The herd mentality is deeply ingrained and the addiction to fear is systemic, so does real freedom stand a chance?

Those of us that are called conspiracy theorists; crazy, radical, nonconformists, us weirdos, have a vision, an understanding, a sense of the freedom that is ours to exercise and each day that we put it into practice, as difficult as it sometimes is, we are spreading the spark, the feeling, the notion, the awareness, that a better reality is possible beyond the matrix and that we don’t need it, in order to survive. In fact, it’s the matrix itself that is designed to keep us from thriving and merely surviving.

Our living example is the only thing that will transform the world. The herd will realise that it’s possible and as soon as they dare to step into freedom, the walls of the matrix will collapse.

This journey is entirely about learning, about knowledge and wisdom, but perhaps the hardest lesson, as sad as it is, is for humanity to learn to be free. 🤔

[fromthemouthofkings]

getting on my soapbox for a minute, but as a young adult librarian (in the US, specifically), it drives me up the wall when other adults—educators, other professionals, concerned laypersons—go on and on about how this next generation is so uniquely awful! self-interested! addicted to their screens! illiterate! no attention span! never goes outside! keep talking about skibidi toilet and percy jackson! back in my day, we read Serious Literature and snuck into our parents’ liquor cabinets and played in the street!

like, about half of the complaints are obviously attributable to kids and teens these days having lived through the trauma of a bunch of school shootings, a global pandemic (that’s still ongoing), the extrajudicial killing of some of their peers by the police, and heightened awareness of the horrors going on all over the world, due to social media, along with the fact that their lives are rigorously scheduled by the adults around them and if they do try to do drugs or screw around with their friends or just hang out outside in public, there’s an incredibly high chance that they’ll get the police called on them—the teens in my area can’t even hang out on the lawn in front of the library without one of our “concerned” neighbors calling the police! 

and the rest is just like, incredibly normal kid/teenage stuff. like, they’re just young. they’ll grow out of it. don’t you remember being a teenager? we were just as self-interested and badly behaved, and we generally preferred texting or passing notes in class or playing stupid computer games to actually paying attention to boring schoowork. in fact, I think this current generation is actually ahead of us in some ways, like social responsibility, due to changing norms and changes in what we teach in schools. when I was in school, “should gay people be allowed to get married?” was still considered an appropriate topic for debate and “you’re so gay” as an insult was something I heard on a daily basis. I’ll gladly take “bro that’s so skibidi!” over that, actually!

as a YA librarian, the moral outrage over YA literature is the most baffling to me, like…yes it’s an emergent category that’s come to exist over the last idk 20 years or so, targeting the 12-18 age range. depending on how old you are, maybe it didn’t exist when you were of an age to read it. yes, compared to adult literature it’s often a simpler, quicker read, and it tends to focus on 14-20 year old protagonists and their concerns…because it’s aimed…at teenagers…why is this so hard to grasp? when I was a teenager, it was the same moral panic about harry potter and the hunger games and twilight. practically all I read as a teenager was children’s fantasy (tamora pierce, patricia c. wrede, diana wynne jones, jessica day george, gail carson levine) with a sprinkling of shakespeare, and I went on to be an english major. I turned out fine.

and so what if people do grow up and keep reading YA literature? (despite all the scaremongering about this, it doesn’t actually play out that often in real life, btw. in my professional experience, most people get through high school and college or so and just naturally move on to adult lit, because the concerns of teenagers just don’t feel applicable to their lives anymore). but so what if they do? are they hurting anybody? i’m sorry if you feel like they’re sullying their minds with their infantile tastes, and that your preferred literature, whatever it is, would have a more enlightening effect on their lives, but every person is not you. they’re allowed to have their own tastes and preferences and areas of interest. i obviously think that it’s important to learn about the tools of rhetoric and the humanities, and that everyone could benefit from a little bit of it—or I wouldn’t have studied to be a librarian—but guess what? there are lots of different avenues to learn that, and different resources are going to work better for different people.

also, I’m sorry, but not everyone is going to be an english major, and that’s fine. people specialize in different things, and lots and lots of grown adults get through their entire lives only reading stephen king or james patterson or colleen hoover. or not reading anything at all and listening to the radio for their news and entertainment. it’s fine. it’s literally fine.

[undoing-anobrains]

you bring me home - matty healy

part four

pairing- matty x f!oc

wc- 3.4K

summary- following her fianc�� suddenly calling off their engagement caroline daniel finds herself moving in with her brother and his best friend who she had a huge crush on as a teenager just in time for a worldwide lockdown.

Something had shifted within Caroline following the night she spent connecting with Matty. A change which wasn't unfamiliar to her, in fact it was all too memorable. It was like finally coming home, like remembering what warmth feels like after a seemingly permanent coldness. And Caroline was absolutely petrified by the sudden resurgence of emotions she had buried a long time ago.

He had just taken pity on her, Caroline reiterated to herself. Like any decent human being he had comforted her when she was evidently distraught. Matty had only been acting out of obligation because they were somewhat friends and more importantly she was his best friend's little sister. His words didn't have any deeper meaning, he was just an inherently good soul.

If she let herself entertain her delusions she would be no better than her ex she mused. Even if he had never really been committed to her, she had given her everything to that relationship and she couldn't possibly move on that quickly. But Matty was frustratingly conscientious and always checking in on her so it was impossible to avoid him, despite knowing she had to if she wanted to prevent her little resurfaced crush from developing any further.

So that's what prompted Caroline to come back to the hospital to work on the unit after leaving to pursue research the year prior. Coming back to work on the front lines in the middle of a global pandemic was stressful but she found it gave her mind the necessary rest from her own problems – it was much easier to face and solve other people's than her own. And it gave her a sense of purpose in a time where she truly felt lost. She could be a friendly face, a comforting presence for her patients, she knew how to do that. What she wasn't so sure of these days was who she really was underneath all of that. The studio is alive when Caroline returns every evening, a stark contrast to how things were at the start. It's buzzing with energy and she somehow walks in to the boys doing something stupid every time that makes her genuinely question their sanity before falling into side splitting laughter with them over their antics. It's the good kind of laughter Caroline notes, the kind that you can still feel in the slight aches of your ribs hours later - serving a very needed reminder that it was real.

She can handle her highly inappropriate yet persisting feelings towards Matty in small doses. Even though those small doses are concentrated ones where he's in constantly in her orbit. Although if she's being completely transparent it would be more accurate to say she's in his orbit. For Matty is the sun. Radiant and blinding. Luring people in with his warmth and for the most part unknowingly the centre of everything. At least for Caroline because in the heart of her world Matty was the brightest star, an ineffable illumination of everything good in the world even if he purposefully extinguished it to the prying, outside eye. Every interaction with him was akin to stepping into the gentle embrace of dawn after a night filled with pitch black, stormy skies.

He had seriously committed to his unspoken promises of reviving Caroline's genuine smile and expelling the lingering misery she still experienced. His laughter was everywhere all of the time – occupying every neuron, every auditory pathway until it eventually overwhelmed her auditory cortex with its captivating and melodic quality. It was as if his mirth had the ability to dispel the shadows, coaxing a smile from the corners of her lips even in the gloomiest of moments. Matty had that kind of power over people. The power to kindle a spark within them that soon spread like uncontrollable wildfire. Then when you pair that with a long lived crush still breathing...well it only amplified that effect of his.

But just as the sun graces the world with its light it also casts shadows. And in the gentle radiance of his presence, there existed the shadow of her unspoken, resurfacing feelings. A dichotomy of warmth and yearning, a constant tug of war between being content with their shared moments in private and longing for something more. It was a paradox she navigated, for she knew that while he was the sun that illuminated her world, he was also a star she could only admire from afar.

As Caroline returned to her work at the hospital, an unexpected transformation seemed to weave its way into the fabric of her relationship with Matty. The dynamics between them shifted, evolving into a state of familiarity and comfort that bordered on domesticity. It was as if the unspoken connection they shared had blossomed into a new phase, one where their interactions were marked by a sense of intimacy that transcended the already blurry bounds of their friendship. The transition was subtle, like the gradual turning of seasons, but it was unmistakably present.

The first time Matty made her coffee, Caroline was half-asleep and unsuspecting. As she shuffled into the kitchen, eyes half-lidded, she was met with the sight that would etch itself into her memory. There stood Matty, a vision in tousled hair and sleep-drawn features. His right hand held her travel mug, his fingers wrapped around the vessel with a certain tenderness that belied his dishevelled appearance.

The corners of his lips curved upward into a sleepy grin as his gaze met hers. "Mornin'," he greeted, the warmth in his voice a stark contrast to the chill present due to the early hour. He extended the mug toward her, a silent offering that carried more weight than words ever could. "Thought you'd need this."

The weight of his gesture, of the effort he had taken to ensure her morning started with comfort, settled over her like a cosy blanket. She accepted the mug with a quiet gratitude, her fingers brushing against his briefly in the exchange. The world outside may have been chaotic, but in this small moment, it was as if time stood still.

Caroline cradled the mug in her grasp as she studied Matty's features in all their morning glory. He was somehow still beautiful despite it being evident that he hadn't yet slept a wink – clearly having spent all night abuzz working on something for the album. Bringing the brew to her lips she took a sip of the hot liquid and was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't as though she doubted Matty's ability to make a good cup of coffee but considering he typically made his a lot sweeter than she would normally take hers, Caroline was impressed that he noticed those little details.

"Good stuff, huh?"

Caroline smiled in return, a soft warmth settling in her chest. "Yeah, really good. Thanks."

His smile widened, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. "I'm wasted making music."

She chuckled, shaking her head. "Oh definitely, I'm sure Café Nero would be dying to have you back if you ever get bored of being my personal barista and world famous musician."

"Cheeky," he goads "was going to make you another tomorrow morning but I think I'll just sleep in instead."

Caroline held back a laugh "I won't force you but you'd be earning a lot of points in my books Matthew."

His expression softened "well then...I'll be waiting, same time tomorrow."

Mornings follow suit with a sense of anticipation, as Caroline would find herself waking up to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafting through the studio. She would step into the kitchen to find Matty, already awake, a warm smile playing on his lips as he handed her a cup of her favourite brew. Initially she had thanked him for the coffee but persuaded him not to lose sleep over her but she hadn't been very successful as the following mornings Matty greeted her with her travel mug full, his own mug of tea and the knowledge that he usually went right back to bed once she left for work everyday. Slowly and not without complaints he adopted her sleep schedule – or at least the early morning aspect. When Caroline asked him why he was making such an effort his answer rendered her speechless. It was the only time of day during the week which he got to spend with only her. That he'd grown fond of their midnight ramblings but these days they were so inseparable with George and Louis that the mornings were regretfully their only time alone.

The boys, in their own way, embraced this shift. Evenings greeted Caroline with the comforting scent of food fresh out of the oven. It was nothing spectacular but they managed to not burn anything and it was the sentiment that touched Caroline. She would have been happy to cook for them all in the evenings regardless of her just arriving home from work but that suggestion had hardly left her lips before it was meant with protests. It was rather sweet how they all insisted that Caroline deserved a rest after the long days on her feet.

When she'd returned to dinner at the studio the first time she had been shocked to say the least because none of the boys were even close to amateur chefs. In fact her first reaction had been to raise a brow in mock scepticism and quip "You lot? Cook dinner? Are you trying to give me food poisoning?"

To which Matty retaliated, eyes twinkling with amusement. "Oh, come on! I can cook, you know."

With a well-practiced sense of theatricality, Caroline countered, "Right, and I'm the Queen of England."

The friendly sparring continued, each word exchanged a playful volley.

"Literally the only times I've ever seen you cook for yourself the smoke alarm thought we were under attack," she recalled, a grin playing on her lips.

Matty met her accusation with a smirking defence. "I was just testing the fire safety measures. A responsible citizen, that's me."

And then came George's orchestrated declaration, wrapped in an exaggerated façade of admiration as he tried not to cackle. "Ah, of course! You, responsible. Truly the pinnacle role model Mattthew."

So when Caroline came back to dinner made every evening like her life was an episode of some bizarre gender swapped fifties fever dream she accepted it happily so as to not set the boys off on a rant about how they couldn't possibly make Caroline, the resident genius and hardworking radiation therapist cook her own meals and continue to work once she came home. Even when she pointed out that they were literally also working all day they quickly brushed that argument under the rug, informing her that adding the finishing touches to an album was nowhere near comparable with saving lives and treating cancer patients daily.

The studio had become a haven, not just for the boy's creative endeavours but for the shared moments of respite they found in each other's company. Matty, in particular, seemed to take on a new role as a constant presence in her life. During her work hours, she would receive unexpected FaceTime calls, snippets of songs from their upcoming album playing softly in the background as Matty's voice offered glimpses into their world of music and inspiration. Sometimes all of them would be there on a call with her when she eventually got her lunch just to keep her company because Caroline had mentioned in passing how unsettling she found the otherwise empty and sterile canteen.

Caroline cherished these stolen moments, the sense of connection deepening with each passing day. It was as if Matty was inviting her into a space that was uniquely theirs, a realm where the boundaries of friendship blurred into something more profound. The snippets of songs he shared felt like secrets whispered in her ear, a testament to the trust he placed in her. In the evenings, the studio transformed into a realm of games and laughter. Game nights became a ritual, although putting four highly competitive people against each other often ended in disaster and strings of light hearted but intense insults.

The evening sun cast a warm, golden hue across the studio as Caroline stepped through the door, shedding the weight of a long day at work. The scent of familiarity enveloped her as she kicked off her shoes and set her bag down. The studio seemed to exhale a sigh of relief as she returned, as if it had been waiting for her presence to fill its spaces once more.

Caroline's tired gaze fell upon the inviting sight before her: the cosy living area adorned with soft cushions and warm throws, the gentle crackling of a fire in the fireplace, and, most importantly, the figure of Matty, seated on the couch with a book in hand.

She offered him a weary smile, her shoulders relaxing as the strains of the day began to dissipate. Matty looked up from his book, his eyes lighting up as they met hers. "Long day at work?" he asked, closing the book and setting it aside.

Caroline let out a soft chuckle, the tension in her features easing as she moved toward the couch. "You have no idea," she admitted, sinking into the plush cushions beside him. The warmth emanating from the fireplace and his proximity seemed to chase away the remnants of stress that had clung to her throughout the day. 

Matty reached for a nearby throw blanket, unfolding it and draping it over both of them. It was a small gesture, but one that spoke volumes about his attentiveness. "Well, you're home now," he said softly, tucking the blanket around them both. "And I've got the perfect remedy for a long day."

Her curiosity piqued, Caroline turned to him, a playful glint in her eyes. "Oh, do tell. Is it a secret Healy remedy?"

Matty's grin was infectious as he leaned in conspiratorially. "It's simple, really," he began, his voice low as if sharing a well-kept secret. "I might have done a tesco delivery with a stash of your favourite snacks earlier and then you have good company."

Caroline chuckled, the exhaustion of the day giving way to a sense of contentment. "And I suppose you're the 'good company' part?"

Matty's feigned offense was accompanied by an exaggerated gasp. "Well, if you must ask, I suppose I can reluctantly fill that role," he replied, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.

Once again Matty had surprised Caroline with a sweet gesture and it really wasn't making trying to suppress her feelings for him simple. Luckily for her Louis shortly joined them after he got off the phone with his girlfriend and George came back minutes later. Caroline was grateful for them being there because she didn't trust herself to be alone with Matty at the moment - even if her mind was well aware of the fact that starting anything with him was a bad idea, her heart was screaming at her, begging her to throw logic and reason out the window. 

The four of them curled up in a messy pile of blankets on the couch and Matty turned on some random movie that Caroline had never seen before but didn't care about enough to know the name of.  As much as she tried to focus on the screen Caroline found her gaze kept drifting to her right where Matty was curled up alarmingly close to her.

Their legs were thrown all over the place, even on top of each other. Matty's right leg was drooped across George as he also snuggled into the left side of his torso. Louis was on the other side of Caroline and he had the most space by far and also the most pillows. Initially Matty had been leaning over Caroline in an attempt to snatch one of them from his brother's grasp but Louis hadn't let any of them go. Merely sending Caroline a knowing look as Matty then resorted to using Caroline's shoulder as a headrest. Feeling his warm breath on her skin sent Caroline's brain into overdrive as it struggled to function. His presence and the lack of space between them was overwhelming, goosebumps forming on her skin in anticipation. 

Caroline couldn't keep her eyes off of Matty but it seemed to be reciprocated. Occasionally she'd force herself to look at the screen but his eyes always drifted back to the man currently resting his head on her shoulder. He was truly captivating, even more up close when you could see all the intricacies and tiny details like the small freckles from the sun or the soft pink flush that spread across his cheeks whenever they locked gaze. And Matty's close study of her features, as if he was trying to commit her to memory had Caroline losing her mind. There was a tenderness to his expression - as if he was observing a beautiful piece of art and not a jaded shell of a woman whose eyebags grew and darkened by the day with a practically permanent indent across the bridge of her nose from the pressure of her protective mask digging into it all day at work.

When the movie ended George let out a soft yawn and rubbed his bleary eyes "I think I'm going to head up to bed, see you lot in the morning." They said goodnight to him and Caroline didn't fail to point out that he wouldn't see her because she'd be long gone. Then despite looking awake as ever Louis rose from the sofa and announced that he was off as well. Sending a cheeky wink in Caroline's direction when Matty wasn't paying attention on his way out. He knew exactly what he was doing when up and left claiming to need to sleep and now Caroline was alone. Alone, with Matty . Alone with someone who she had spent such a large portion of her life in love with.

"You're comfy," Matty said quietly, almost like he was too scared to say it any louder.

Caroline's chest grew heavier at that. Suddenly everything was weighing her down and she was terrified. It felt like her heart was slamming against her chest so rapidly that it would burst through her sternum with ease.

But it was all silence after that until Matty broke it. "Caro," he began, his voice a conspiratorial whisper as they lounged in the living area of the studio, "I've been thinking."

Caroline's eyebrows quirked in curiosity, her gaze meeting his with a mixture of intrigue and amusement. "That's rare."

Matty's grin widened, his enthusiasm contagious. "How about we do something... a bit out of the ordinary?"

A bemused smile tugged at the corners of Caroline's lips. "And what exactly do you have in mind?"

Matty's eyes twinkled as he leaned in closer, his voice taking on a dramatic flair. "A fort," he declared, his tone hushed as if revealing a secret of the utmost importance. "We should build a fort."

Caroline's laughter danced in the air, a melodic sound that filled the room. "A fort? Are we twelve years old again?" Too many times in her childhood had she found Matty and George inside a fort he had built in George's room when they were meant to be asleep and Caroline used to join them on the promise that she wouldn't tell their parents.

Matty's expression remained earnest, his enthusiasm unwavering. "Why not? I haven't made one in forever."

Eventually giving in to his eager but pleading smile she found herself gathering an assortment of blankets and cushions, their laughter mingling with the rustling of fabric.

In the heart of the living area their fort began to take shape. They draped blankets over chairs, positioned cushions just right. With each layer added, the sense of nostalgia deepened, harkening back to a simpler time when building forts was an art form in itself. Their fingers brushed against soft fabrics, occasionally lingering too long or too close to each other.

Matty gestured with a flourish toward their handiwork, a playful glint in his eyes. "We did good, should be a professional."

Caroline laughed, her heart lighter than it had been in days. "It's... surprisingly impressive, I must admit."

Matty patted a cushion invitingly, his voice a whisper that held a touch of mischief. "Well, come on then. The fort awaits its inhabitants."

How had she ever believed she could get over him? Had she ever really wanted to get over him? Either way - she was well and truly fucked now because she was fully enraptured in the whirlpool that was Matty again and faced with a choice, sink or swim?

[devirnis]

if you’re still taking prompts, can i ask for a combined 13 and 22? 👀

@bvckandeddie of course you can ask for combos! I hope this is to your liking 💜

(full disclosure, I wrote this in my notes app while hopped up on painkillers and cold medication and also on vacation ✌️)

Chim calls dibs on the couch the second Buck’s front door closes behind the three of them.

Buck glances at Eddie on his other side, wondering if he’ll put up a fight for the couch (and trying to convince himself that he doesn’t care if he does), but Eddie just nods tiredly and trudges in the direction of the stairs up to Buck’s bedroom. Buck can’t really blame him; today was the shift from hell, on top of a long week of shifts, and culminating in the call to limit potential exposure to their families by staying with each other. Given that he lived alone, Buck’s loft was the logical choice for Chim and Eddie to use, while Hen had elected to stay in the guest room at Bobby and Athena’s while the kids moved to Michael’s place.

None of them are very jazzed about the whole situation. One, because it’s a global pandemic and work has been crazy and everything is just a little scary right now, and two, Buck knows Eddie would much rather be with Christopher, and Chim with Maddie.

Buck lingers on the main level just long enough to help Chim dig out some blankets for the couch — he really needs to get an air mattress if this goes on longer than the two weeks that everyone is promising — before hurrying up the stairs after Eddie. He finds his best friend at the top of the stairs, staring a little blankly at Buck’s bed.

Oh. Right.

While Buck is totally cool with sharing the bed — it’s a king, after all — he has no idea how Eddie’s feeling about the prospect. The last person Eddie shared a bed with was probably Shannon, and Buck needs to not think too hard about that if he wants to keep his head on straight (pun definitely intended.)

“I can take the floor?” Eddie asks, glancing over at Buck.

Buck rolls his eyes. “I don’t have an air mattress. Besides, it’s fine, it’s plenty big enough for both of us.”

A strange sort of expression flickers over Eddie’s face, but it’s gone before Buck can identify it. When he turns back to the bed, Buck swears the back of Eddie’s neck is a little flushed.

“If you’re sure,” Eddie says haltingly.

“I don’t have a problem with sharing with you,” Buck says, and then frowns, his stomach dropping a little. “Unless — I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable —“

“No, no!” Eddie scrambles. “No, I didn’t mean — I’m not —“ He sighs. “Which side of the bed do you sleep on?”

“Oh, uh.” Buck’s stomach twists for some stupid reason. It’s been a while since he shared with anyone — Ali was out of town a lot during their brief relationship, and he and Abby hadn’t been physical long enough to pick sides. “The middle. Pick whichever you want.”

Eddie wanders over to dump his duffel bag on the right side of the bed, closest to the stairs. “If you have a dent in your mattress that I keep rolling into…”

“I haven’t had it that long!” Buck protests.

Eddie smirks at him, but there’s something else there besides the playfulness that Buck is familiar with.

Before he can decipher it, Chim’s calling from downstairs about Buck’s terrible throw pillows and the moment is broken.

Eddie shoots Buck a sympathetic look as Buck sighs gustily. “Maddie wouldn’t appreciate it if I killed the father of her unborn child on the first day, right?”

———

Buck thought that he’d have trouble falling asleep given the general existential dread hanging over him and the fact that he’s sharing his home with two other people, but he actually doesn’t remember much after he crawled under the covers beside Eddie.

He’s so comfortable. He loves his mattress and sheets and pillows, but somehow he’s never had a sleep as good as this before. He’s warm and cozy, with a comforting weight along his left side, grounding him, making him feel held.

Actually —

He is being held.

There’s an arm slung across his waist, a head on his shoulder, soft hairs tickling the underside of his jaw. He breathes in, the cobwebs of sleep slowly dissolving in his brain, and he smells —

Eddie.

Eddie is on top of him, clinging to him like a koala bear, snoring softly into Buck’s collarbone.

Buck’s traitorous heart soars in his chest.

He shouldn’t be happy about this. The only reason Eddie is here is because of a pandemic — not because he wants to be. He probably doesn’t even realize it’s Buck that he’s holding; muscle memory from Shannon is the only reason that Eddie is plastered to him like this.

Buck shifts slightly, hoping he can disentangle himself without waking Eddie, but then Eddie’s arm around him tightens at the same time as he groans.

“Time’s it?” Eddie mumbles.

The hot breath against Buck’s skin makes him shiver. He twists his neck to read the clock on his bedside table. “Early. Not even five.”

Eddie hums into Buck’s neck, going boneless for a few blissful seconds before he suddenly stiffens. Seemingly aware that he’s stuck to his best friend like a barnacle, Eddie slowly lifts his head off Buck’s chest and meets his gaze. There’s a blush high on Eddie’s cheeks that Buck finds equal parts adorable and disheartening.

“Um…” Eddie says, slowly unlatching himself from Buck. “Sorry about that.”

Buck feels depressingly cold now that Eddie’s scooted a respectable few inches back. “Don’t worry about it. It was… kind of nice, actually.” And then Buck cringes because seriously? He had to say that last part out loud?

Eddie’s face gets even redder, but then he says, “Weirdly, that’s the best sleep I’ve had in a while.”

“Well…” Buck hedges, “I make a pretty good pillow. And — I don’t, y’know, mind. If you don’t.”

Oh god, can a hole just open up in his bed and swallow him now and put him out of his misery?

But, miracle of miracles, Eddie begins to slowly inch closer again. He keeps his eyes fixed on Buck the entire time, like he’s expecting Buck to take back his offer. Buck practically holds his breath, terrified to do anything lest he scare Eddie off again. But then Eddie slowly resumes his earlier position, laying an arm gently across Buck’s stomach as he places his head back on Buck’s shoulder.

“Your mattress totally has a dent in the middle,” Eddie whispers.

Smiling, Buck wraps his arm around Eddie’s shoulders, holding him close. “Guess we’ll just have to get comfortable in the dent, then.”

He can’t be sure, but he swears he feels Eddie’s lips curve into a smile against his skin.

(also on ao3)

[electrificata]

here are my house observations, im in season 3

some of the shit house says to foreman is genuinely unforgivable

foreman as a character i generally like. omar epps is giving a good performance of an even-keeled-but-not-without-effort kind of guy, i do like the plotline of a guy who came to learn from an expert whos the worst guy in the world and trying to figure out how to do the same thing without being the worst guy in the world. i also think they way they keep him out of hospital love triangles is racist, foreman is not currently hot but could be with 15% more attention from the writers room.

really sexist as a general rule. i have not encountered the idea of "jailbait" this much in literal years.

hipster racism. its the 2000s. funny to talk abt this because "hipsters" were younger at this point and the character of house is, im assuming, in his mid 40s at the start of the show, but thats the general logic that seems to be on display. "well you know that he's a good guy so its ironic and funny that he's threatening to use the n word as a joke."

a) stupid logic to begin with, doing something ironically is also just doing it, b) doesnt even work on its own terms here because house is widely acknowledged to be an awful person in the context. the entire show is built around the question "how much deliberately annoying, dangerous bullshit will we endure from this dickhead to maintain access to his unique skillset"

i still dont "get" house/wilson. like i do see it, like i can see that theyre a little obsessed with each other and they have a fun mutually manipulative dynamic, and they make sense as foils (guy who's self-consciously awful and often ends up doing noble things accidentally/guy who's self-consciously noble and often deliberately does awful things). but i cannot feel myself going insane about it. if anything i like him better with cuddy

cuddy really really hot. really really really hot. cuddy.

so like yeah i see house/wilson im just not going insane about it the way i thought i might. altho tbh it took a global pandemic and a extended, byzantine renaissance of tumblrina supernatural scholarship to make me have a destiel spiral. i need infrastructure for these things.

cameron's character is such an old school token girl character. i hate how they treat her "niceness" almost as much as i hate how they treat her crush on house.

a better show (written by me) would have some more cuddy and foreman "managing" house plotlines (foreman being a protege allows focus on the legacy of house's medicine, how to replicate it, how to contain damage), probably give him some of the cuddy and wilson time. the three of them together would be good i could do that.

cuddy/foreman. hm. in the remake.

like, i do get how this happened. house is troubled in a durable, interesting way. the writing is good enough to support his layers, the way his snap-judgement psychoanalysis of everyone he meets curls back around to shine a light on his own issues. good balance of competence and patheticness. laurie is giving a masterclass in the niche field of "british comedian comes to us tv drama, grows some stubble, becomes a sex symbol." i read an old review that referred to his "sourpuss charisma" i really like that turn of phrase.

(i was also into josh on the west wing when i watched that last year, i have a type i love antagonism. no im not dating anyone right now, who wants to take me for a candlelit dinner and tell me i smell good and my voice is sexy) (you cant just compliment me, ill be bored or uncomfortable, you have to bury it in a disagreement and make it clear youre kind of mad that youre into me)

that said i think the show kind of misunderstands house's sex appeal. it feels very written-by-men. women characters throw themselves at house in a porny kind of take-me-now way. in my observations guys who are arent traditionally hot but attractive in this antagonistic, talky was dont really get that kind of treatment, but they do get the main cast wilson/cuddy/cameron "i hate this guy but im obsessed with him and i will never make a move or i will and itll go badly" kind of stuff. my phantom house reboot does have cameron and house hook up and its a really mean and destructive fwb thing with like 4 false endings. does this make sense.

right now im in the middle of the plotline where leighton meester plays a 17 yr old girl stalking house because shes so in love. like thats not the vibe. at least from what ive seen. im not omniscient.

lol it turns out she has a spore makign her hypersexual lolllll i literally have this on in the background rn ok i take some of this back.

whenever i mention to someone im watching house theyll recount to me the plot of the one episode they can remember and it always sounds insane and its never made up.

"the one with the intersex teen model who fucks her dad to manipulate him and has testicular cancer" like yeah. yeah thats real. if you talked to me 3 weeks ago thatd be the one i recounted to you.

yes house does leer at her in that episode and its treated as logical and normal for a 45 year old man.

i hate chase, he's awful but boring.

im curious how long im gonna keep watching this, i know the later seasons get kind of soapy plotwise and i dont know if thats what i want out of this