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collecting-stories · 4 years ago

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Birthday - c. 13 - Georgia

Summary: Just a whole lot of feelings.

A/N: Sorry I didn’t post when I said I was going to, thank you guys for your patience though! Also, if you haven’t seen it, there’s a link on my page to help raise money for a friend of mine to get bottom surgery, if you wouldn’t mind taking a look and considering donating or reblogging to get out the word.

Georgia Masterlist | The Walking Dead Masterlist

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“Not who I expected to see waiting outside the pharmacy for me but, I’ll take it.” Tara called out as she walked across the small parking lot to her car. Parked right next to her four-door was Daryl’s truck and he was standing there waiting, leaning against the tailgate.

“I haven’t heard from her in a couple days, just wanted to be sure she’s alright.” Daryl replied.

“You mean after you told her you didn’t want to date her?” Tara asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Ain’t that simple.”

Tara groaned, already exhausted with both of you. “It is that simple, she really likes you and come on, I know you like her. You fucking stopped at the drug store to talk to me because you’re concerned about her. That’s pretty solid proof that you like her too.”

Daryl looked away, scuffing his foot on the ground and taking his pack of cigarettes out to smoke, he needed something distract himself.

“Can I have one?” Tara asked, already holding out her hand for one of his cigarettes. Her sister would probably kill her if she knew but Tara smoked occasionally, more recreational than anything else. “She’s staying at my house in Woodbury. Her dad’s supposed to be home soon, think she’s just waiting it out away from her mom.”

“He any better?” Daryl asked lighting his and then holding the lighter for her cigarette. You’d be bitching about the smell no doubt, or pretending it didn’t bother you.

“Not really,” Tara shrugged, “he doesn’t hit her or anything but he’s pretty dependent on her mom. I mean, the guy’s been in and out of rehab for years now, he can barely hold a steady job. Last time he was in the hospital he was on suicide watch cause he’s so miserable. Why are you asking me all this anyway? Why not ask Maggie?”

“Some friends ya don’t tell everything to.” He replied. “Ya let me know how she’s doing?”

“Go to the diner and make up and see her yourself.”

“I already told her, she’s got enough shit going on, don’t need me adding to it.” Daryl replied.

“Before you go,” Tara stopped him as he started to walk around to the driver’s side of the truck. “Just tell me, do you like her? Would you date her?”

He nodded, slowly. Not like he was unsure, just like he was trying to censor his answer. He settled on “yeah” because anything else would have been too much to tell kid. He would date you, hell, he was pretty sure that he would marry you if he was given the chance. He’d never thought much about liking anyone before. Daryl had seen Merle with different women his whole life but he’d never really bothered appreciating any of his own. People just came and went and he figured that was exactly how life would always be. And now there was you and he wouldn’t mind setting up a future, he’d already laid one out in his head. A nice one, like all the upstanding people in King County, the ones who whispered about him, had. There’d be a house, or a farm like Hershel’s, and kids if you wanted them though he’d never thought of himself as needing to bring any children into the world. It’d be nice though and you’d both be happy.

“Don’t tell her I stopped by?” Daryl asked.

“I won’t.” Tara replied, “think about it though? Cause she was happy with you and she was standing up for herself and she never used to. I don’t want her to lose that.”

Daryl shut the door on the truck and Tara backed away as he started the engine, reversing and then peeling out of the parking lot. She took another drag of the cigarette and dropped it on the ground, smashing it into the white line with her shoe.

You were working at the diner that afternoon and when you saw Daryl’s truck pull into Dale’s Autobody across the street you considered taking a ten minute break just to go talk to him. If you could figure out what was going on between the two of you, or even just apologize for what you said in the grocery store. You would’ve killed for a time machine that night, imagining the possibility of rewinding yourself back to the moment before you told him, of being able to pretend you didn’t feel the way you were feeling.

If you could’ve done it over again you wouldn’t have said anything. Kept quiet until, and you hoped there was a possibility, he liked you so much that he couldn’t possibly reject you. And yet, you knew it was pointless to think that way. Standing in the parking lot with him, you had known that the only thing you wanted in that moment was him.

Maggie sat on the top rung of the wooden fence with you, lanterns set out to illuminate the make shift camp site that she and Tara had put together for your birthday. Glenn had come once it was dark enough that no one from the house would realize that he was there. You were usually wired, especially considering the amount of alcohol that Glenn and Tara had both brought with them. You had half a bottle of wine left, holding the nose in your hand as you sat there with Maggie, silently staring ahead to the porch light that looked more like a lightening bug at this distance.

“Glenn’s been talking about college,” Maggie finally said. Tara and Glenn had both punched out early but you and Maggie couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Or maybe she was just sitting up with you to be nice. “It’ll be nice to get away from all this. Have you talked about it with your parents?”

“My mom says the college fund is,” you sliced your hand across the air, “gone. Guess it’s waiting tables for me.”

“Woodbury has a college, maybe you could go there?”

“It’s not Emory...” you replied. “I don’t know any more honestly. I just wanted to go to college cause I wanted to get out of here. Guess I still do.”

You had thousands of dreams of college as a kid. Getting out of King County and never coming back. You could be one of those kids who moves to the city without leaving a forwarding address, who disappears from the average existence of small-town life. Breaking whatever mold, you had been born into. It always seemed like it would be you, Maggie had the farm and she complained about the church but you knew she loved it. But now she was talking about life outside of King County and it seemed insane to you that you would be the only one contemplating all the things in your life that you thought about changing. Maybe some of them could stay the same.

“I told Daryl I liked him.” You said, “told him I was gonna be 18, we could date.”

“What’d he say?” Maggie asked, reaching for the wine bottle to take a sip.

“Same thing he’s been saying, that I shouldn’t ‘get dragged into his life’.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.” Maggie sounded too hopeful for her own good. And why shouldn’t she? Even if she thought about leaving King County everything about her screamed small town. The high school sweetheart, the southern twang, the pastor’s daughter dichotomy. She hit all the marks.

“Means he doesn’t want to.” You replied, taking the wine back.

“Well take it however you want but, maybe it’s a sign? You been getting too close to something dangerous. I love you and you know that but you were spending all your time with him, not going to church, not doing stuff with me or Glenn or going to youth group. Maybe it’s a good wake up call. Your mama wouldn’t want you tossing it all away for a boy. Especially not Daryl.” Maggie stated.

You knew somewhere along the way you had given up trying to keep up appearances. You weren’t the sweet kid who had sat all through Thanksgiving and then snuck out at the end, something had changed and you had stopped caring if people knew who you were hanging out with. Deanna had only seen you because you’d gotten too reckless.

“Guess so.” You said, hopping down off the fence. You had never told Maggie about your mom and you certainly couldn’t now. You weren’t even sure that she would believe you.

“What?”

“What?” You asked, eyes meeting hers in the dark.

“You got that look, like you did before you dragged me to Dale’s.” Maggie said, watching the slow smile on your face as you bit your lip.

“Just thinking.”

She was right though, and you knew it. Even as you climbed into the tent you were sharing with Tara, laying on your back as if you could see the stars through the vinyl, your head was swirling with any sort of idea you could grasp at. Maggie could say whatever about you and what you cared about but at the end of it you knew what you wanted. Her pep talk wasn’t going to deter you.

In the morning you stopped at Dale’s, church bells ringing as you got out of your jeep. You were supposed to be meeting your mom for service but you had pit stopped here. Axel was out front working on a car and he waved when he saw you. Daryl wasn’t overly forthcoming with information about his life so it didn’t surprise you that he would’ve neglected to tell anyone about the night at the grocery store.

He was in the back, maybe just finished with something cause he was wiping his hands on a rag from the back pocket of his coveralls and you weren’t quite ready for the ache in your chest at the sight of him. Your heals on the concrete weren’t quiet and Daryl looked over when he heard them, jaw tensing.

“What’re ya doing here?” He asked.

“I thought about what you said.” You replied, a little less confident than you had felt when you stepped out of your car. “And I’ve come to a decision.”

“Am I supposed ta ask what that is?”

“Yes.” You moved closer, he wasn’t running but he looked a little reminiscent of a caged animal.

“I got work.”

“Wait, just hear me out,” you begged. He started to say something, no doubt telling you to leave, but you stopped him, forging ahead. “I know I told you that I liked you when we were at the grocery store but it’s more than that. I love you. And I think you love me too. I’ve been thinking about leaving King County and getting away from my mom for a long time and lately I been thinking I don’t care. There’s still some things I want, ya know, but I can get ‘em right here and mostly, I just want to spend time with you.”

There was a lot Daryl wanted to tell you, that you were right. He did love you. “Ya don’t know what yer saying.”

“I do.”

“No,” Daryl snapped. “Ya don’t! There ain’t a future here for ya. Yer wasting yer time and one day, you’ll wake up and yer gonna realize that’s all ya been doing, wasting time, and yer gonna want out. Save yerself the trouble and just go.”

“I’m not wasting my time.” You insisted.

“I got work.”

“No, Daryl,” you grabbed his arm, stopping him from turning and leaving.

“I told ya before, I’ll say it again, there ain’t nothing here for ya.” He replied, pulling away from you.

“Fine then tell me I’m wrong.” You said, “tell me you don’t love me and I’ve just been imagining it.”

“I got work.” He repeated, brushing passed you.

You knew what you should’ve been feeling. Depressed, angry, absolutely gutted. All of those fit the bill but you couldn’t make yourself feel any of those. As you climbed back in your jeep, pulling out of the parking lot, all you could feel was the smallest, fleeting, sense of hope. He hadn’t said that he didn’t love you. Nothing he said suggested that he didn’t feel the same way. You’d been thinking that he just didn’t like you back but it wasn’t that at all. He was just afraid.

You knew how you felt. And now, you knew how he felt too.

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imm-blog1 · 5 years ago

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4/12/11 NOTES FROM GM HIP-HOP SURVEY SESSION 3 of 3

4/12/11 NOTES FROM GM HIP-HOP SURVEY SESSION 3 of 3 (also included at bottom is session 1) [ To see the rest of this, if it gets cut off, go to hearingtheword2.posterous.com/41211-notes-from-hip-hop-su… ] HIP-hop session #3 of 3 (B. Santelli leading) : [he’s reviewing some books as I arrive] …Tricia rose, hop hop wars..I took her place at rutgers….another..written colloquial….book..new history of.."big payback"…also nelson George..fellow journalist..jersey,,opinionated, but well-written.I was a rollng stone writer.. ‘500 greatest albums"..not many hip hop..very white..mtv did a series on greatest hop hop..wanted to go over greatest emcees. 10) ll cool j, 9 eminem, 8) ice cube 7) big daddy kane 6) krx-1 5) nas 4) rakim (william griffin, aka ra) 3) notorious b.I.g, aka biggie, 2) tupac 1) jayzee [conversation]..rock roll hall fame..they put us rolling stone writers..together..sppsd to pick 500..sppsd to be fun, but..by wed we were @ eachothers throats..who’s missing? No females. Lauren hill? ..[what about lil wayne?] …& the albums? 10) pub enemy, nation of millions 9) tupac 8) 7) nwa 6)jayzee 5)run dmc raising hell 4) biggie, ready to die, 3). ..2)? 1)paid in full (eric b. & rakim [spare, stripped down..rhyming, flawless,..his fav, raising hell ..6 of 10 from gangsta rap era ..[has this guy abandoned anglos..has he caved? Or is he speaking to his primary audience ? Only a handful of whites in the room of maybe 50]…hip hop orig was new york centric..like 50’s in memphis & orleans..but now things changing..begin. here in L.A. large af am pop in late 80’s..lot of kids rapping , deejaying..public enemy (long island), ..why so amazing..first class..am bl roots of hip hop ..we mentioned gil scott herron..changing..g.master flash.. some dies..pub enemy brings it back.chuck d. Knows his …pub enemy makes a political mess. ..from a white perspective..bob dylan…Fear of a black planet..nation of millions..huge..brought over to white…white intells..get more intrsted..then nwa and tupac..gangsta rap..west coast..using what pub enemy doing back east..more outrageous & angry than pub enemy.. …What we hear..chuck D….at rock of fame..had him come & lecture ..he said it was a refl of blues..language previously couched..in blues..now able to scream it..listen to tupac, … in harlem..best pedigree..black panther..he was deep into it..early life a mess..what tupac … shakur.this man had a..he was a 5 tool player….genuine anger..he was intelligent..bitter but intelligent..most important..listen to cadence of words..anyone can rhyme..but cadence…..Eminem..too many words..don’t apprec his stuff as much..tupac best ever..right in middle..perfect storm..east west..1990’s..mid 90’s..bitter rivalry east v west ..ironic …and tupac …then —– killed..neither murder solved..//Why a feud ? East jealous? Tupac..death row l.a..; bad boy east..so 2 diff schools forming.. Then puff daddy..sean combs (aka diddy, p diddy, puff daddy, p daddy) .west… tupac….2 "m words" .1) MEDIA..hip hop mags..source..vibe..’88 mtv raps ..2) MONEY ..early 90’s..can make money..on radio…mtv..also white element..beastie boys..middle class white kids in suburbs.. …Bold personalities..incendiary..tupac murdered..later biggie (notorious B.I.G, Real name Christopher Wallace, aka biggie smalls) killed..media gets hold of it ..society says its out of control….when Biggie dies..album..double platinum.. Also the tree..acid jazz, socially conscious hip hop, funk jazz, trip hop, some from england ..england didn’t embrace hip hop at first ….Arrested development..? Hip hop? Some music lost relevancy..blues, big band ..glenn miller..ragtime..some become "historical"..mid-90’s..hip hop not dying, but branching out..moody blues..I hated it…but difference between hating versus respecting [I actually liked moody blues & saw them @ hollywood bowl]…Who else ? Outcasts, wootang, lords of underground, onyx,.[several others shouted out] .hip hop 90’s taking over…Now beyond nyc & LA..master P…new orleans..tree exploding..geographic connections..diff sound..good businessman..he also played b-ball..also atlanta…in south, but northern sensib.,,,also houston..health..multi-billion $ business..mainstreaming of hip hop,,,gangsta rap dies out…invention, re-invention…..also, rise of detroit..eminem..major figure…brings detroit to forefront..making detroit hip..and then kid rock ..real..metal..fringe genres..coming together w/ hop hop..limp biscit, korn,…Today? Hip hop becoming irrelevant? ..making lots of money..stop changing..less experimentation..less bold, ..fashion from hip hop …u know u become mainstream when grammy recognizes u..heresy for me to say but….Recording academy..being in biz..producer, writer, ….[Plays vid eminem & elton jon..given hip hop’s homophobic culture..this was seminal] [ was it a seminal moment as the beginning of the END of hip-hop, as it lost its verve?] ..2006 nas comes out saying hip hop dead..didn’t want to stay stuck in rut…had nas here….rock hall of fame brings in hip hop, grammy awards..world knows hip hop …After we did whitehouse thing..state dept..calls..cultural diplomacy..obama revived it.. they asked me to organize hop hop to go to muslim countries.[hip hop to muslim countries as a form of diplomacy ?! Please explain how that would appease muslims or appeal to muslims who already think of America as godless] .as did armstrong & ellington 50 yrs ago …I couldn’t run it….Where is hop hop now ? Ring tone..commercialize..sound same..its on life support now..homogenized..mentions nicky menaj opening for britney spears in upcoming tour..360 degrees ..piracy..economy ….Country music still buys cd’s ..loyalty..not download..not w/ hip hop….need audience with means to support act ..when economy of art form goes away..trouble ..younger gen doesn’t feel the concept of spportin.."////BELOW are the NOTES from SESSION 1 of 3 (I missed session 2 ) ——————————–

3/29/11 NOTES FROM HIP-HOP SURVEY COURSE (1 of 3) taught by Bob @ GM: "…learn more abt music forums….like hip hop..whats a middle age white guy teaching hip hop..I’m a musical historian…af am music my specialty..not hip hop.this class not like the elvis class.this is a survey course..3 periods as an overview..will have other courses..hip hop america’s pop music now last quarter century..its a survey class..people who live this culture..if u want to add, embellish..can never learn too much..my expertise. Af am music..also reggae..after hip hop comes bob marley exhibit..a hip hop museum ready to launch..in bronx..I’m on board…maybe russel simmons on board..anybody see him here a few weeks ago….others coming chris blackwell, ..pbs special..kate..@ whitehouse..kate did this exhibit..don’t need to agree..its interpretive..subjectivity..otherwise just read in book ..used to teach @ rutgers..this is not academia..try to do this in colloquial way..not preach to u..meant to be entertaining..some here b/c I asked u to come..I didn’t come quickly to hip hop..even tho I was there in the early 70’s…think of 20th century..america’s century..come to age as superpower..after fall of comm ..also musically, no country can touch what we have given to the world musically in 20th century..separate bl & wh culture..look @ af am contribs..as to amt..# of new forms..brilliant artists..overall impact.entire world..not all clear cut..jazz black music form..but dig down.others contrib too ..but in general..louis armstrong et al..blues blues jazz, soul, funk, r & b, disco, hip hop, bee bop swing, cool, fusion,,of all these forms..all given due..endorsed exported..except hip hop until now…revol music..challenges..polit..most recent..hasn’t gotten its due.celeb gospel blues…maybe too controversial to get credit..still…what made it so..give & take of african cult..also anglo irish..also racism..extra tension..in nutshell..bl & wh celbr..where r we now..first time..af ams bouncing …haven’t had major music..lately..last was grunge..late 80’s, 90’s..music slowed down ?ess imp..25% decrease in concert att…here to ..soul music..motown..also…and atlantic..golden age..also rock roll..then 1970’s..chronolog..musically ’63 to ’73..that’s the 60’s music era..hip hop..not 60’s ..bronx..how go from soul ..then..to funk…I don’t know re hip hop in ’73 ..have to wait 6 years..before recorded artifact..rappers delight ..sugar hill gang..why in this ? .69 71 motown losing lustre..stevie wonder..migrated..motown leaves detroit comes here..but not like it used to be..sly & family stone..loses sensib as..couple key bands & artists..2 huge..gil scott herron ..last poets..black..music…."when revol comes.."..gangsta rap..not on radio..last poets..many blacks didn’t even know of this music..marvin gaye..more known..cnsdrd greatest of all times..70-73 ..clip.."far too many of u dying.."…[red hat]..also "sounds of philadelphia"..the oj’s..signed in cleve but rcrded in phillie.."love train" ….revolution vs love..this is backdrop to bronx ..no q..rock surfaces memphis ..why hip hop fr bronx..music to be created & sustained..not just artist but audience..in bronx..it was like beirut or baghdad..suffered incredibly..ny in bad condition..bronx pushed aside..gangs ..drugs..south bronx..maybe mother cabrini projrcts chicago..maybe south l.a….become so isolated..create in a vacum w/o outside interference or ack..seattle..grunge..a seam..pearl jam, nirvana..already formed b/f world knew..a lot carribeans settled nyc ..jamaicans..brooklyn..1962 jamaica indep..many got out..s. bronx…late 60’s..kid campbell..clive ..from jamaica..brings..reggae..sound systems..everything outdoors ..disc jockey….toast over dub plates..jamaicans come to usa with this..clive campbell..longs for jamaica..wonders what he’s doing in bronx..sound system..he didn’t know he was creating history…invit..come to dj cool hercs party set up jamaica style..earliest hip hop…rap..part of af am cult..verbal battles..here at herks party..af ams and jamaicans together..’73..sudden concept of spinning records..unique way, art form..74 75..another frm..also hispanic & gay..disco..gets no respect…but it was important..w/o disco no m. Jackson, no usher..in manhattan..records..disc spun..if white grate dead, almond bros,..underground movement, black hispanic gay..dance again..mixing..never leave dance floor..77 sat night fever..mst imp of all time..j. travolta..exported disco cult..drugs..all this happ.. bee gees..trammpps…burn baby burn..disco inferno..red & white outfits..early hip hop would borrow from.some day will do disco shoe exhibit….or rush..sex pistols.springsteen..u had to select what u would embrace….people dressed their music..

Then bob marley..new sensib..lively up yourself..all this happening..rappers delight..sugarhill gang….soul train on tv..imp for black..this was seminal..just happened to catch it on camera..not the best

Three main entities..curtis blow..then up to run dmc ..hip hop is developing a consc style.that will explode…grand wizard theatre..scratching..then grand master flash. Popularized it..then .barbada (?)..flash a seminal giant..

Dj & mc..back then dj..was the guy..age of mc in future..dancing why they’re spinning records..bee boy bee girl..bboy break dancing..some of best break dancers were latino ..

Tagging..grafitti..becomes part..cey dams..tagging did a piece here ..been dodging cops for 3 decades…there’s a f you mentality in bronx..didn’t want to be part of discos..taggers..socs & psys studied.. I was in zurich..most expensive place in world..cab..graffitti wall..

[He periodically makes some of his prejudices obvious..re "conservative zurich"..wouldn’t apprec it in des moines iowa.."no offense to des moines"..let’s "rock n roll"..(it was a term for sexual icourse)..he’s talking to white christians….jazz also fr black culture ..means sex icourse.."

Posted by VANDERKOK on 2011-04-14 00:16:15

Tagged: , curtis blow , run dmc , grand master flash , grand wizard theatre , tagging , graffiti , nas , black planet , ll cool j , eminem , big daddy kane , mtv , krx-1 , public enemy , rakim , gangsta rap , diddy , puff daddy , p diddy , sean combs , arrested development , outcasts , wootang , nwa , shakur , tupac , ice cube , beastie boys , lords of underground , jayzee , lil wayne , santelli , grammy moody blues , bronx , russel simmons , sugarhill gang , last poets , marvin gaye , ojays , clive campbell , dj cool herc , saturday night fever , travolta , disco , bee gees , trampps , disco inferno , burn baby burn

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thewalkingdead-imagines · 8 years ago

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Dixon Brothers Imagine ~ Guts

The Reader is close friends with Daryl and Merle and this friendship has to prove itself when Merle gets cuffed to the roof…

Requested

The sun shone down onto you while you let yourself fall onto the ground of the roof you were more or less trapped on. Trapped, because some idiot in the streets thought he had to play Lucky Luke, showing up in sheriff stuff and riding a horse before beginning to shoot and attract and fill the streets with living corpses. You looked over to Merle who sat next to you, tipping with his shoes impatiently onto the ground. You knew both of them, Merle and Daryl, for a long time now and over time you’ve grown to be pretty close friends and even though you were a lot younger than both of them, you were more than just sometimes forced to play their Watchdog when they, or especially Merle got driven by his hothead once again. Merle stood up, grabbed the gun standing next to him before he walked over to the edge of the roof. “Merle? What the fuck are you doing?”, you asked looking confused at him while he kept walking. “You’ll see, Darlin’”, he just said, cocking the gun as he brought it up to his face and fired the first shot down the roof. “Merle, stop that shit there are already enough around”, you hissed while you saw him continuing. “We’re dying anyway doll, why not having a little fun before we peg out”, he said, stopping shooting for a short moment before he put the gun back to his face. You huffed, stood up and walked over to him while you crossed your arms in front of your chest. “Merle Dixon, you fucking stop shooting. Now”, you growled before he stopped again, shaking his head chuckling before the door on the other side of the roof hit open. “Hey, Dixon are you crazy?”, you heard Morales scream as you turned around while Merle laughed and sent another shot down the building. “Hey! You ought to be more polite to a man with a gun! Huh?”, Merle called out as he finally stopped and turned around. “Only common sense”, he said chuckling as he hopped down the ridge you both were standing on while the others made their way with the guy in uniform who got you all into this trouble. “You are wasting bullets we ain’t even got!”, T-Dog yelled as he stormed towards Merle. And hell, you could already tell that it wasn’t gonna finish with yelling. You saw the anger in Merle’s face rising as he began to yell. “Merle. Come on it’s not worth it”, you hissed trying to lay your hand on his shoulder to keep him from doing something stupid and of course, it didn’t help. You didn’t need to listen to his now calming down voice that all that was coming out of his mouth was offending shit while you kept trying to hold him with a greater urge back. You weren’t dumb and you weren’t naive as well, you knew Merle and you knew how much of an asshole he could be when he was edgy and the last thing you needed was an escalation here. “I’ll tell you the day! It’s the day I take orders from a nig-” “Merle!”, you furiously cut him off before he could continue. “Stop (Y/N), let that damn asshole say what he wanted to say”, T-Dog growled while still glaring at the chuckling Merle who raised his voice and you saw T-Dog’s fist landing in Merle’s face. “Merle!”, you screamed again as you saw how he wrestled T-Dog to the ground and you couldn’t see anymore who hit who until Merle leaned over T-Dog, hissed again before he stood up. You looked glaring over to both of them, you didn’t need a big fight here while tons of walkers were trying to make their way to you. “So what are we gonna do now?”, Merle said chuckling before you saw how the man hit him to the ground and a sharp gasp escaped your throat. He leaned over him hit his handcuffs out and got merle faster cuffed to the pipe than you could look. “Hey! wait that’s not necessary”, you said looking at the man who grabbed Merle now by his collar. “Oh it is”, the man said before merle began to growl again. “Who the hell are you man?!”, he got out of his mouth while the man still held him forcefully. “Rick Grimes”, the man just hissed before he let go of him. “Damn it”, you growled quietly while you looked over to the others, T-dog still on the ground while the others watched the scene playing in front of them. You heard Rick talking to Merle before you looked back to them, seeing how he pulled a small bag out of Merle'a pocket. He had promised you to stop with that shit, with these damn drugs, not only for you but also for Daryl. Rick stood up, tossed the bag from the roof and as much as you already couldn’t stand him for all the misery he had brought you in, you inwardly thanked him for that. “You’re not gonna leave him this way now are you?”, you asked tensed up as you saw Rick walking to the edge of the roof before he turned around. “He has to cool down”, he said while you huffed. “He can cool down without this thing on”, you said looking from Merle to Rick. “Nah, he can’t, not gonna take the risk”, he said before you sighed. Great Job, Merle. Great Job, Officer Know-it-all. You scowled before you let yourself fall next to Merle, deep down you knew that he needed a break even though you didn’t like seeing him cuffed. But as long as this Sheriff would get him off of it again, you could somehow get along with it. “You told me you’d stop with that shit”, you growled while you looked down to your hands. “I’d stop, right after that sweet little stash”, Merle said as you huffed annoyed. “What? You playing moralizer or what?” He asked with a hissing undertone. “I’m not, I’m just not interested in you dying because of this fucking crap”, you growled. “Now that’s really cute, Doll”, he said while he chuckled provocative. “How’s the signal?”, you heard Morales ask as the crippling sound of the walkie could be heard. “Like Dixon’s brain. Weak”, T-dog answered, a grin on his face while Merle flipped him off and your glares hit him. “Really T-Dog?”, you asked annoyed. After all, Merle was still your friend. An asshole friend, but still a friend. You liked T-Dog and you got along with him well, but you just didn’t like seeing Merle cuffed. You heard the others and the Sheriff talking about how to get out of here while Merle turned his head to you. “Doll, you gonna get me out of these cuffs?”, he asked looking at you. “I’m gonna talk to him again, but you have to stop acting like a dick or you’re faster cuffed again than you think”, you hissed before you stood up. “Now that’s my girl”, you heard him chuckle while you walked over to the new man. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”, you asked tensed but calm. “I’m not gonna get him out of the cuffs”, he directly said while you clenched your jawline. What did he think of just coming here and thinking he can manage everything after he brought you into this shit? You took a deep breath, keeping yourself under control before you started again. “I’ll not let him attack someone again, I just need the keys”, you said trying to somehow convince him. “Sorry, but no. Not for now”, Rick answered while you couldn’t hold a huff back. “So how do we get out?”, you heard Andra ask before you could walk Rick something else. You walked back to Merle, knowing that you had to find another way to get him out of this. You kneeled next to him, took your knife and brought it close to him. “Woah, what are you doing darling? You suddenly into knife play?”, you heard him ask while you huffing began trying to open the cuffs. “Shut up Merle. I’m trying to free you”, you hissed while you kept on trying. Hell, why did he always have to act like the biggest Asshole on earth? Well, to be fair, he wasn’t always like that, you knew probably every side of him and there were good, gentle ones but mostly they couldn’t keep him from getting himself into trouble. You heard the others muttering some plan before you heard Andrea telling T-Dog to watch over Merle and shortly after that you heard the crashing metallic sound of the door. “It’s not working”, you huffed, looking desperately at the cuffs that began to turn his skin underneath red. “Oh come on Sweetie, they’ll get me off, later on, why don’t we have some fun before we all die? My hand may be impeded, but my pants aren’t. Why don’t you go for a ride?”, he asked grinning while he earned a glare from you. “Fuck you, Merle, this is not the time for this shit”, you growled before you started a new try. And you tried until you heard the door opening again and saw the others walking over to the part of the roof where you sat. “Hey! You get him off of this now!”, you called over to the Sheriff. “Like I said, not now”, he hissed before you stood up again. “Listen Sheriff Smartypants, you can’t get us into this whole thing and then play big boss! I get why you got him cuffed up and yes, he deserved it, but it’s enough now. Get. Him. Off” you growled while he shook his head. “Listen, I’ll get him off, when we’ve found a solution to get out of here”, he said calm but tensed while you still looked glaring at him. “I’ll do it. You can believe me”, he said while you tried to figure out if he really did or just said it to calm you down. “I hope so”, you said growling before you looked over to Merle again and walked huffing over to him. “You gotta wait a little bit, but he’ll get you off”, you muttered before you sat next to him again. “Sorry”, you added swallowing while you looked over to him. “Don’t worry, Sweetie. This is not on you”, he said, a tensed undertone in his voice, before he patted your knee. Some time passed, Sheriff Smartypants and Glenn had worked out some plan and right now, they were running covered in guts through the streets while you still sat next to Merle and you could see the clouds above you darkening. “That asshole is out on the street with the handcuff keys”, Merle hissed through the grumbling of the upcoming storm before you saw how T-dog held the small silver key up. You almost jumped up and walked toward him, before you stood above him. “T-Dog come on. It’s enough now”, you said first trying hit keep everything calm. “(Y/N) you’re a fine person but I really don’t understand how you can stand up for this prick. So no”, he said looking up to you while you began to glare. “T-dog, don’t make me do something I don’t want to do”, you growled before you heard the grumbling of the storm right above you, the first raindrops falling onto your skin. “God damn it”, you growled as you looked up to the clouds and felt your clothes turning wet. “At least I’m gonna have a nice view, when things go south”, you heard Merle say before you turned around and saw him looking at you. You just shook your head glaring at him before you turned to T-Dog again who now stood at the edge of the roof and looked down to the scene that was playing there. “They’re in a car”, you just heard Morales say as he looked through the binoculars and the rain got weaker again. “They’re making it! We-We gotta go”, you suddenly heard Morales call out before he suddenly grabbed his stuff and ran over to the door while you stood bewildered there, seeing the others rush over to Morales. “(Y/N), you have to come now!“, Andrea yelled over to you while you looked bewildered at her. “Are you kidding me, Andrea?! I’m not going! You can’t leave him here this way!”, you yelled over to her while she looked smitten at you. “I’m sorry we have to go”, she called over. “No, NO! You’re staying here until we get him free!”, you yelled while you walked a few steps towards her and T-Dog. “Please!”, you heard Merle scream behind you. And when Merle screamed “please” things had to be really worse for him. “I’m sorry!”, Andra said again before she stormed through the door. “Fuck you Andrea”, you yelled already feeling the desperation creating a lump in your throat. “T-Dog, please! Come on man! Please help me, I’m sorry!”, you heard Merle scream again while T-Dog’s glance wandered to you, his breath heavy while he seemed to struggle. “(Y/N), I-”, he said struggling while you looked desperate at him. “Please T-Dog, I won’t get him out of the cuffs by myself, will you leave me here too? Come on, please”, you said your mood constantly switching between anger and desperation. T-Dog breathed heavily before he grabbed something from his pocket, ran over to Merle before he suddenly tripped and fell onto the hard ground. The dull bang his body produced while hitting the ground got followed by a metallic sound that traveled down the pipe in the roof. It had been the key. He had just dropped the damn key. “I-I’m sorry”, T- Dog stumbled as he got up and you still stood stuck in shock there, Merle screaming before you turned to T-Dog who now rushed to the door. “You can’t go!”, you yelled before you saw him looking as smitten at you as Andrea had looked at you before he kept running. You heard Merle still screaming while you saw how T-Dog chained the door up, while he called out to you that walkers won’t get you. You were still stuck between desperation and anger as you began to hear Merle’s screams. “Shit…shit!”, you heard Merle call desperately out from behind the pipes. “I’ll get you off…somehow”, you said, trying to calm yourself down. If you would panic, it would just make it worse even though your body was already a trembling mess. Your glance wandered around, fell onto the box with the tools. You felt your legs almost automatically moving as you walked over to them, grabbed the whole box and sprinted over to Merle who laid panting on the floor. “We’ll make it Merle, I promise”, you said, your voice still trembling even though you tried to keep it under control. You grabbed the first tool you saw, a small saw before you tried with all the strength you had to break the cuffs. Merle began to talk but his words were just empty echoes in your head while you kept going. Soon you felt like your sharp breath was ripping crannies into your throat as your breath got even more heavily. “This shit’s not working”, you said gasping before you angrily tossed the saw away from you both and grabbed some pair of loopers. You were already out of breath, you could feel your muscles begging you to stop but you couldn’t. With all the strength you had left you tried to let the metallic cord rip open, but nothing seemed to help, doesn’t matter how much you tried, doesn’t matter how long you tried. “Shit!”, you scoffed while the sound of the word came more out as a whimper. “I-I’ll find a way-”, you said gasping while you looked up to Merle, his face just seeable through the faint light that got weaker and weaker. You had probably tried for longer than you thought. “Damn (Y/N), are…shit are you crying?”, you heard him say, suddenly in a more gentle tone as you felt a tear rolling down your cheek. “No-…No I’m just… yeah, I probably am crying”, you said scoffing while you let yourself fall next to him, running your hand over your face. You heard Merle sigh next to you before you looked up to him once again. “Maybe you should go too”, he quietly said. “Don’t ever say that again. I’m not leaving you”, you said and even though your voice was still weak, the determination could be heard through it. “I’d tell everyone else to keep their asses here, but you need to survive you know”, he said scoffing slightly. “And you need to survive too. Daryl, he wants that too. Last time I’m saying that, doesn’t matter what shit happens, I’m staying”, you said before you picked up the pair of loopers once again but realized soon that with the small strength you got left, nothing would just somehow work out. “Leave it, try again tomorrow”, you heard him say unlikely calm for him. Maybe that kind of calmness people fall in between of panic attacks, that numb feeling you get for some time before the storm of panic inside you begins to rage again. “I will, I-I will”, you said huffing before you leaned yourself against the pipe. “Why don’t you lean yourself against good ol’ Merle, huh?”, he asked with a slight chuckle in his voice. “Because If I do so, you’re gonna get the wrong ideas”, you said, a small grin on your lips. You tried to stay awake, to keep your eyes open but after a few more moments you felt your eyelids forcing themselves down. ”(Y/N), you alright?“, Daryl said as he drove along the road, Merle on his motorcycle driving in front of the truck you sat in. "Do you think it’s going to end? That the military can stop it?”, you asked swallowing while you looked out of the window remembering the pictures the TV had shown just days ago. Cops shooting down people, well, living corpses that ate people. “I don’t know”, you heard Daryl mutter before you looked over to him. “Can you promise me something?”, you swallowing asked after a few moments. “What is it?”, he asked looking for a short moment from the road to you. “That we stay together. That…that we search for each other if we ever get split up…doesn’t matter what happens”, you said while your glance stayed onto Daryl. “I promise”, he said before he looked over to you. “I really do”, he said seriously before he cracked a small smile for you.

You woke up, leaned against Merle as you felt the first sunbeams shine down to you. “Good Morning Doll”, you heard him say before a metallic thud made you jolt up, followed by a choir of groans. Your eyes darted to the door, still mostly locked but some walkers tried to squeeze their rotting bodies through the gap. “Oh no, god no!”, you heard Merle desperately groaning. And there it was again, the panic. You swallowed hard, tightened your grab around your knife before you walked towards the door and stabbed into the heads of the walkers, avoiding their flesh craving mouths while you took each one out. Your hands were covered in blood as you walked back to Merle, picking up the pair of loopers again. Your glance went to Merle’s wrist, already bloody and swollen before you leaned your full bodyweight onto the tool. You wouldn’t give up, you wouldn’t even allow yourself to think about it. You were in some kind of trance, not even hearing what Merle said for some time before you heard the metal clicking and saw the metallic cord of the handcuff finally ripping. “Oh my-”, you called out, not believing what you saw as you heard Merle laughing relieved. “You are a force of nature! Shit, thank you!”, you heard him call out laughing while you looked at the ripped cord. “Come on Doll, gotta get off this shit”, you heard Merle say before he pulled you up along with him. “Yeah, need to go back to Daryl”, you said while you caught your breath again. “And back to the shitheads? You kidding me?”, Merle said as you looked up to him. “No, I’m not”, you said before you began to walk over to the door and raised your voice again. “I got a promise to keep.”

@dasani-saraai

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dracox-serdriel · 6 years ago

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The Second Death - Chapter 7: Gaze

Title: The Second Death [AO3] [FF] [LJ] Chapter: Gaze Universes: Superdead (Supernatural/Walking Dead) Crossover Pairings: Dean Winchester/Castiel (Destiel), Carol Pelletier/Daryl Dixon (Caryl) Word count: 2,500 Spoilers: All episodes of Supernatural through 07x23. All episodes of Walking Dead through 06x16. Rating: NC-17/MA Timeline: Supernatural, after episode 07x23 and Walking Dead, after episode 06x09. Summary: When Dean and Castiel take down big daddy Leviathan Dick Roman, the blast catapults them into a special kind of hell, where the living must survive in in a post-apocalyptic world filled with the Walking Dead. Desperate to learn how long they've been gone and what happened in their absence, Dean and Cas search for any sign of what went wrong, which is difficult in a world where all infrastructure has failed and strangers can't be trusted. Together they search for Sam Winchester in the middle of an apocalypse that's managed overrun the planet, and they're more than a little surprised to run into a group of survivors that'd give most Hunters a run for their money.

Meanwhile, after Daryl's attempt to bring new people back to Alexandria backfires, he looks for any excuse to hit the road for a few days. Carol, unwilling to let him go on his own, demands to join him. A basic run turns into something else when they run into two strangers who have no trouble dispatching walkers and don't seem to operate under the new world order. In fact, they seem completely lost.

Read the Second Death on LJ, AO3, or from the beginning on Tumblr.

The Second Death Chapter 7: Gaze

Carol watched as Dean darted into the woods as if his life depended on it. Then Daryl swooped down and cursed as he grabbed a gun, before racing after him.

Damn idiots, both of them.

Knowing she had to follow, she wrenched the weapon from the dead man at her feet, but in so doing, she caught sight of the stranger's dull, vacant eyes.

And she froze.

Another one, she thought. What number is he? How many is that now? How many more will there be?

Yesterday it felt as if one conversation had dispelled the worst of it, but all that had actually done was lock it away for a little while longer.

"Think about who."

Daryl's voice rang in her head. She needed to remember who she'd saved. Everybody who'd gotten caught up at Terminus - Michonne, Carl, Rick, Daryl, Sasha, Glenn, Maggie, Bob - and before that, Judith, Tyreese, Mika, Lizzie...

But she hadn't really rescued them, had she? Mika and Lizzie didn't make it to Terminus. Bob and Tyreese didn't make it to Alexandria. She gave them a few more days or a few more weeks, but she'd lost them all the same. Who was she, anyway?

A woman who couldn't even save her own daughter.

A sob dragged her from her thoughts. She turned to the two survivors standing over their fallen traveling companion. The woman pushed a knife into his temple as tears streamed down her cheeks.

Carol gave them a quick once-over and decided that they must have a camp nearby. Neither had so much as a stitch out of place, and they carried almost nothing - there was only one pack for all three of them. Either they had planned a trip for one day, or they were morons.

She couldn't rule out the latter, not yet, and focusing on them made things easier. She'd lost enough, and she wasn't going to let a moment of self-recrimination interfere with protecting her people. She needed to know more about these people they'd just stuck their necks out for... and about the people they'd saved them from.

"I'm Carol," she said.

"Randy," the man replied.

"Barbara," the woman said automatically. "This is - was - Bobby, my brother."

"I'm sorry," Carol said in her most sympathetic voice. She waited for a moment before pointing to the other bodies. "You know who did this?"

"Negans," Randy replied. "That's what we call them. They collect people - communities - and exploit them."

"So you've met them before?" Carol asked.

"Not us," Barbara replied. "My brother had. He and a few others got away from them by putting a walker herd between them. They thought the herd wiped them out."

"Friend of mine had a run in with them," Carol said, carefully selecting her words. "But that was miles and miles from here."

"Yeah," Randy replied. "They're everywhere."

"What?" Barbara asked her companion. "What do you mean, everywhere?"

Her nagging doubts waned in the shadow of the argument unfolding before her. She honed in on their body language - the thousand ways they communicated without speaking - and absorbed every syllable.

She knew this was just one more stopgap, buying her a little more time before that dam finally broke, but she took it all the same.

Dean galloped haphazardly through the forest, knowing full well that he was running into a gunfight with a machete and three bullets to his name with no idea as to who, what, where, or how many.

It didn't really matter, did it? He'd been here - wherever the hell here was - for three days, and the only thing he learned about this place was that it had far too many douchebags and asshats.

He couldn't afford to lose the only family he knew he had left. If he lost Cas, who'd help him figure out what the hell happened? Who'd help him find Sammy and Kev? Who'd watch his back?

Something solid collided with his shoulder and sent him crashing sideways into a tree. He recovered immediately, training his gun on the assailant, his finger on the trigger and ready.

"You trying to die?" Daryl growled.

"What the hell?" Dean replied loudly. "Cas is out there in the crossfire - "

As if on cue, a gargling noise heralded the arrival of a trio of undead, one of which appeared from nowhere at Dean's elbow. He easily sidestepped its grasp, but when he shifted his weight to switch to his machete, his foot slipped against a root. And suddenly the ground was coming up to meet him as more zombies came out of the woodwork.

In one swift movement, Daryl jabbed a knife into the closest one's skull, kicking its rot body right into the two behind it, buying himself some time to take out two others that'd come up behind him.

Dean didn't waste any time getting to his feet, slashing haphazardly as he rose, maneuvering so he was back to back with Daryl.

Shit, shit, shit.

They were coming from all sides now, moaning and snarling as they limped closer, leaving them without no way out.

Dean swung the machete in an arch, taking out two undead bastards at once, biting back a scream inspired by a jarring pain in his elbow. He must've fallen on it, but he didn't have time to think too hard about an injury. He could take the pain.

He swung the blade back, hitting another across the face, taking its nose and one ear clean off, but it kept coming. He stabbed straight through its eye, putting it down, but when he pulled his weapon back, the body came with it. So he pulled a Daryl and kicked it off his machete, throwing it into several others.

Walker bowling. Strike!

That's when Dean noticed just how many there were, swarming in from behind every tree. He reminded himself that these were just things. They weren't smart. They didn't learn. As long as he had his blade in front of him, he'd be fine.

So he slashed and hacked mercilessly, dropping bodies left and right. He'd taken out a hell of a lot more of them before, but he'd done that because, well, because he could. He'd been buying Cas time, but his back hadn't been against a wall like this.

Come to think of it, he hadn't put them all down, had he? When they'd driven off, more were still coming.

His arm radiated pain, and now his head throbbed, too, with all the groaning closing in on him, occasionally punctuated by Daryl swearing. The thing that really got him, though, was the stench; it crawled up his nose, making his eyes water as he gagged, practically choking on it.

They'd only been at this for a few minutes, and he was already getting tired. How the hell did he land himself in this mess?

All at once, dozens of answers flooded his head, each one a scathing reprimand in his father's voice. He knew exactly how he'd gotten here: by fucking up, like he always did. If he'd taken two seconds to think, he wouldn't be surrounded by zombies with some hick he barely knew.

Dean focused on the rotting bodies coming at him, hoping to block out the endless insults churning in his head, knowing it wasn't going to happen.

Then, suddenly, everything went quiet.

No, not everything... the undead attack party was still groaning and hissing, Daryl kept on grunting and cursing under his breath, and Dean couldn't stop his inner self-loathing. Yet, he was certain a silence had fallen.

The gunfire.

Dean had raced toward it and kept it in partial focus as he fought - a reminder that he couldn't die now, not when his family needed him. No matter which way he slashed and stabbed, he'd check it against that gunfire so he'd know the way to Cas.

But now it was gone. Stopped. Silent.

"Fuck!" Dean shouted as he hacked through yet another walker, the exclamation oddly relieving. Each time he swung his machete, he punctuated it with another, "Fuck!"

Then the murmur of an engine started, growing closer by the second, accompanied by the occasional pop of a riffle.

Less than a minute later, a motorcycle roared into view. Carol held two guns aloft, taking out the undead with precision, always waiting for her shot before pulling the trigger. Dean recognized the driver as the woman from the previous clearing - he hadn't bothered asking her name.

The riders circled the area, putting down approaching zombies, leaving a sizeable portion for Dean and Daryl. It only took a few more minutes to clear the immediate area, providing them with a much-needed reprieve.

The bike stopped as close as it could, given the trees and the mounds of dead bodies piled everywhere, and Carol hopped off.

"Two weeks," the driver said. "Good luck."

Before Dean could ask what the hell she meant, the stranger kicked off and sped the way she came.

"Where's Castiel?" Carol asked.

"This way," Daryl grunted.

Dean wanted to point out that he was going the wrong way - the gunfire had been in a different direction - but Daryl was already winding through the trees like he was following a homing beacon, and Carol was on his heels.

Did this guy even know what he was doing?

Before that train of thought could come full circle, he heard the telltale groan of walkers on the approach. His injured arm throbbed. If he got stuck facing another crew of them alone, he'd be screwed.

No, he'd be eaten.

"Damn it!"

He followed them, hoping they knew where the hell they were going.

It sounded like walkers were coming from everywhere, but Daryl could tell they were a way's off yet. Maybe they'd get distracted by the motorcycle for a spell and give him, Carol, and Dean enough time to find Cas and double back to the cars.

He caught sight of another clearing up ahead - pretty large, possibly one that led out to the road - so he slowed, closing in by moving silently between points of cover, because this time, he was getting a damn good look before putting his ass on the line. He cast a glance back to check on Carol, who managed to keep Dean from running straight in. Daryl held up his hand, signaling them to hang back for now, and she nodded her head, yes.

Something had happened here, but hell if he knew what. He kept low as he ducked into the edge of the clearing, stepping over dismembered limbs and ducking entrails that were dangling from tree limbs. Seemed like some jackass used a bomb to take out a few walkers.

One of the bodies was a fresh kill, so Daryl jabbed his blade into the top of its head just as Carol and Dean joined him, not waiting for his damn signal. It pissed him off, but he couldn't really blame them, not with how this place looked.

"Cas!" Dean shouted. "Cas!"

How the hell had this guy survived so long? Sure as hell not from being smart.

Before Daryl had a chance to speak, a putrid smell caught his attention, ten times more powerful than a few walkers up wind. He instinctively followed the scent and spotted walkers on the far end of the clearing. Some were bloated, like they'd been in water, but the rest looked like recent kills, going by their clothing.

"Cas? Cas!"

"Cas ain't here," Daryl pointed out.

What the hell were they doing? Even with their new guns, they didn't have the ammo to deal with this new wave, let alone doubling back to the cars.

Why were they even looking for Cas out here? He'd been in a sniper's perch - no way he got way out here. Hell, they should've gone straight back to camp in case his cover fire attracted unfriendlies, not running around in the woods dodging walkers.

"We gotta move," Daryl said.

"Not without Cas," Dean replied.

"We'll cover more ground with the cars," Carol pointed out. "Maybe he - "

She stopped mid-sentence, so Daryl followed her line of sight to where walkers were piling into the clearing.

He'd seen plenty of messed up shit: hundreds of walkers melted into pavement, still biting and groaning; his undead brother eating some poor smuck; his best friend ripping open another man's throat with his teeth. Yet all that paled in comparison to what he was seeing now.

Someone was there, casually moving between walkers without garnering their interest. Whenever the person passed one, it fell, and from this distance, it seemed like the walkers were going down in waves.

The wind picked up, and his trench coat billowed. That's when Daryl saw that the man was flicking something - rocks from the look of it - at the walkers, landing the headshot every time, barely looking at the target.

It took him a full minute to recognize the person as Castiel. He was covered in guts and blood from head to foot. He had this look on his face - all determination and fury - and he radiated energy, like some kind of avenging angel or some shit.

Fuck that. There was no such thing as angels. Just broken assholes unwilling to become as ugly as the world.

Cas joined them without a word, leaving a small army of bodies in his wake.

"Dude, what the hell?" Dean asked.

"They irked me," Cas replied.

"Talk later," Carol said. "There's too many walkers to stay out in the open like this. Let's get back to the camp and regroup."

"No," Cas said. "I've found something. You all need to see it."

For previous and next chapters, please go to The Second Death main Tumblr page.

Chapter notes: I hope you enjoyed this latest installment.

#the second death #superdead #the walking dead #supernatural #crossover fic #twd x spn #spn x twd #superdead crossover fic #dean winchester #castiel #daryl dixon #carol peletier

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cosmosogler · 8 years ago

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today when my alarm went off i didn’t want to get up. i got the feeling i was being interrupted, but i can’t seem to remember what i was actually dreaming about. i think it was the same type of dream i’ve been having for the last week or so though...

so i stayed in my room all day. i made some fries for lunch, but got super sick about halfway through eating them. which is a shame, because they took a half hour to prepare.

i did take wiley out for a walk just after dinner. we walked west along the canal for forty minutes, and then walked the forty minutes back to the neighborhood. it felt like maybe fifteen minutes each way, but when i got back the clock said it was after 7, and we had left around 5:40. then i took eve out for a lap around the block.

a few minutes into my walk with wiley my abdomen started hurting really bad, but on the wrong side for it to be my appendix. that kind of sucked but i kept walking and forgot about it after a while. we came across a mysterious dude that i couldn’t see because the sun was right behind him. it was like a big mystery because i could not see his face and it was a little intimidating. he had the campiest accent i’ve ever heard and it was great. he warned me that there was a rattler along the road if we turned left at the small group of houses down the road. i made sure to take the other road when it forked. we didn’t run into any snakes. but we did run into every single cloud of gnats that ever existed both ways.

i thought wiley was getting tired, but when we got home and met with the neighbor’s kid and her friend wiley jumped all over them as soon as he got a little attention. i gave the three dogs cookies when we got inside.

then dad and i went to get thai food. i had about half of mine before i got too sick to keep eating, so i put the leftovers in the fridge for later... that’s the first time i’ve had to do that with thai food. i usually eat it all because it’s so good that it makes eating fun again. but the last few months... it’s been tough even when it’s like the best food.

and then i sat in my room all night. i watched a lot of youtube videos and beat the elite four about 22 times and fiddled with my online profile in the multiplayer pokemon hub thing. now it’s almost 1 again... i didn’t realize how wiped i was after that walk until i sat down and tried to get up again.

while i was writing that first paragraph i heard diogi fall down in the hallway. eve hopped up to check on her right away but i was all tangled up in my headphones and chargers. she was standing when i got to her but she wouldn’t go anywhere. i eventually coaxed her to the stairs and told her to stay while i let the other dogs out. and she did! i asked her if she wanted to go outside and she kind of perked up and waffled at the top of the stairs so i picked her up and carried her down to the back door. she’s not a BIG german shepherd, but, she’s still a german shepherd. i didn’t have trouble while i was carrying her, but after i put her down i realized i was suddenly sweaty and out of breath.

so we hung out outside for a little bit. when we came inside i asked her if she wanted to stay downstairs and wait for dad to get home or come back upstairs with us. she looked at the stairs, then looked at the front door, then sat down. normally i would agree that dogs don’t really understand sentences (even though i talk to them a lot anyway), but she seemed to know what i was saying with eerie clarity. i haven’t heard her come up the stairs, so i guess she did want to stay down there.

i dunno... she always seems so out of it. she looked so betrayed when i got back home after taking both wiley and eve out for walks. i apologized and petted her and she licked my wrist. whenever she walks she just looks so uncoordinated. jake had the same problem when he got old. didn’t help that he also had an ear infection later on that left him permanently unbalanced. he always had his head tilted when he tried to walk anywhere. i miss him a lot. he was so fluffy and gentle and doofy. and bloat is so painful for the dog. i wish he had died in his sleep instead. i always get anxious when i see wiley horsing around right after he eats. that’s the most common cause of bloat. jake’s case was a little more unusual, since by that point he literally couldn’t run or jump, but not unheard of.

thinking about it makes me sad. i miss jake and randi so much. even as i watch genevieve lick her butt all i can think is “i love that dog.” i guess living with eve is kind of like... i think this is what it’s like to love someone unconditionally. or to love your child. i mean yeah when she ate that horse poop it was totally nasty and i didn’t let her lick me for a whole day afterward but there’s still an overwhelming warmth to every memory of her. i love watching her be interested in something. i love that she sits and watches cars go by on our walks but doesn’t try to follow them. i love that she knows exactly how to get out of my grip when i try to give her a bath. i love that it totally blows her mind that our vet is also my uncle and we see him all the time. i love that she checks up on diogi every time she even makes a weird noise. i love how she gently sucks up treats from my hand with her lips so she doesn’t nick my fingers with her teeth and how she loves peanut butter but seems to forget what it is until she has it in her mouth every time i give her some. i love that one time she ate an entire bag of bagels because she loves bread and ever since then we’ve had to hide anything remotely like bread if we’re not actively eating it. i love that when she gets into the food it’s always neatly unwrapped and only the food is gone. i love that the only time she even tried to bite me was when i was splashing around in the pool and she thought i was drowning so she grabbed my arm and pulled me up while i was... hanging on to the edge of the pool and talking to her. i love that one time she didn’t recognize me and started barking when i came downstairs with sunglasses and a funny hat on. i love that she cries when i ask her what’s wrong.

i dunno. i guess that argument with the therapist kind of got to me more than i wanted it to. animals aren’t alive. they only work off instinct and only do something if it has a purpose. yeah right. i’ve heard that attitude before. from my mother.

eve is like the only living thing in the world i trust to never hurt me on purpose no matter what. and i would never do the same to her either. actually she could probably literally bite me and i would still love her more than anyone else.

sorry i talked about dogs for 30 minutes again. they are my life. i feel like i can’t do anything for myself when i feel so awful, but i can take care of the dogs. and by taking care of them i am sort of taking care of myself, at least in the “i am currently alive and not dead and also i maybe showered today and went outside for a few minutes” sense. and “since the dogs are eating i may as well eat something too.”

i miss my grandparents. i should spend more time with them. we’re playing bunco again on monday at least. but... mom and my roommate’s mom are coming along this time. i don’t want to play dice with my mother. when gramma jokes about her luck it’s charming, but with mom it’s... not charming. i mean, we all laugh at our own jokes. that runs in the family. but mom’s jokes are kind of, cruel at worst and awkward at best?

i’m kind of frustrated with her right now. she always tells me to just try harder, but she is miserable at her job and does nothing about it. she’s been talking about quitting for like five years. the business isn’t doing well and she’s STILL not quitting and finding a better/less stressful/closer to home job. i guess it’s frustrating because she has the power to actually DO something about her situation and she just never does! she tells me it’s because she has to pay for my and my sister’s and soon my brother’s college tuitions, but with her experience and contacts it really wouldn’t be that hard to find another secure job and move to that one immediately upon quitting her old one. she has nothing nice to say about any of her coworkers except andy. but everyone likes andy. even i like andy.

maybe i shouldn’t say “i’m frustrated with her right now.” i’ve been frustrated with her since i started to understand words. at least with my biological father it’s hard to be frustrated with him because, like, he’s not around and it’s mostly because mom ditched him. and i guess after his mom’s funeral we’ve kind of come to a mutual understanding that neither of us is really ever going to reach out to the other. and i think we’re both ok with that. he does the same “silent internal screaming” thing i do when he’s stressed. that probably drove mom up the wall. and my dad is hard to be frustrated with because it’s like being frustrated with a small child. it doesn’t get you anywhere and they pick up on it and get mad and you almost feel like they don’t know any better.

it’s kind of silly that i have so many extra parents and i don’t like ANY of them. understanding glenn doesn’t mean i like him any more than i’d like any other acquaintance, as fascinating as it is to see someone who acts uncannily like me. understanding mom just makes me kind of hate her. understanding dad just makes me tired.

oh, my pokemon are done on poke pelago. i’m going to start a new round and go to bed i think... it’s been almost an hour since i started writing. man, i really didn’t want to stay up past 1 again.

dang, no moonstones. oh well.

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brianjaeger · 8 years ago

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2017 Academy Award Best Picture Nominees Guide For Those Who Haven’t Actually Watched Them

America has been riding high on a rainbow made of happiness so far in 2017 and what better way to continue this year of indisputable joy than with the 89th airing of Hollywood’s 3-4 hour humble brag, selfie, circle jerk performed while millions watch on and express sincere emotional feelings and judgments about the character of human beings they have never actually met or interacted with, but oftentimes know more about than members of their immediate family, that’s right..THE OSCARS!

This year, the members of an industry that just one year ago did not let any men or women of color in, will compete to see who can give the most daring and passionate speech against a President who wants all men or women of color out. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a treat that comes but once a year!

But I haven’t had time to see all of the Best Picture nominees yet, Brian! You might be yelling in a panic. Me neither! With real life playing out on a daily basis with more plot twists, intrigue and drama than Streep’s entire film catalog, who has the time to actually go see these films.

I’ve got you covered. I went ahead and didn’t watch any of the films for you HOWEVER I’m here to give you a summary of what I THINK that they MIGHT be about based on the titles of the movies and their posters, as well as some pointers on things to slide into conversation at your Oscar parties so that fellow guests will look at you the same way that Goldie Hawn looks at a vodka on the pills.

Away we go!

La La Land

Ryan Gosling falls for a Raggedy Ann doll who’s in desperate need of a sandwich - but there’s a problem, he stutters. He’d la la like to tell Raggedy Ann that he la la loves her but he’s scared she’ll la la laugh at him. So he decides to try his la la luck by communicating through a different la la language - song and dance. John Legend shows up for a bit, says, “Hey, I acted!” then leaves, and at the end Raggedy Ann actually listens to Gosling “sing” so decides to la la leave him for the drummer from The Wonders.