#glad to be getting emotions bad tho ��� even if it is weird at first sometimes ya gotta be sad and cry abt stuff tho :P

[dan-crimes]

I love angst I love making characters suffer thru the Horrors™️ but I gotta admit I've become a huge sucker for wholesome moments like I use to casually enjoy them like whatever I could wave them off but now I'm almost gettin teary-eyed over the things

[saintkiri]

summary: you felt numb after eren walked through your apartment door. you thought you would never find love again..well..eren wasn’t love. it was everything BUT love. he used you and ended up cheating. you have so many questions that you know you’ll never get the answer to. after a night out drinking with friends..you ended up finding love just outside the door where you watched eren leave.

content warnings: cheating, smut (begging, multiple orgasms, spanking, unprotective sex (wrap it before you tap it!), aftercare) toxic!eren, mentions of therapy, praying to God, anxiety, throw up (?). if i miss anything, lmk :)

wc: 5.6k

author note: …so it’s been 2 years since I’ve actually written and posted something. I meant to post this almost 2 years ago & I promised you guys I would post it & I never did. but, life was crazy and I am still adjusting. Anywhos, don’t expect much from me writing. I am glad to be back even tho I’m not 😭

part one (pls read so this can make sense)

taglist | aot masterlist

When Eren walked past that door, you felt like you lost a piece of you. The last thing he told you made you feel even more stupider than you have ever felt. 

‘The moment I laid my eyes on her, I stopped loving you.’

That sentence kept repeating over and over again. 

You closed the door, and fell. Your back sliding against the door until you were sitting on the ground waiting for the tears to come. But, they never did. You were so numb and shocked, that you couldn’t shed a single tear. 

Your life and emotions relied on him. He made you feel everything you craved. 

It didn’t make sense. He stopped loving you the moment he laid his eyes on someone else. 

What made her so perfect? 

Eren would always made comments saying that you were the girl of his dreams. How could he say all the right things just to cheat? 

You lost track of time, you sat against the door in silence, watching the apartment go from dark to light. You were so numb, you couldn’t sleep. It felt like he drained every emotion out of you with a sentence. All it took was one sentence to change you. 

The memories of you and him kept running pass your thoughts. As you watched time go by, it was as if the ghost of you and him were running through the apartment. It hurt. You remembered all the laughs, all the times where he made your heart feel so warm and full. 

But now, how can your heart go from that feeling over never ending lust to feeling cold and empty?

~~

It’s been about six months since Eren. It’s been hard to say the least. For the first month, you couldn’t even recognize yourself. You couldn’t stop thinking about him all day. It was always either you replaying his last words to you, replaying the argument, or all the times you should have realized he was cheating on you. 

Slowly, you grew. It took you a while to get back up on your feet. It took you a while to get used to a life without him. You never really realized how much you relied on him. Your friends helped you move on and get back to your life. 

You would gradually throw away Eren’s stuff during the first three months. First, it was the pictures and little momentums. You burned and threw out all the polaroids, all the gum wrapper hearts he would make, all the receipts, and every physical memory. It was weird because when you and Eren broke up, you would randomly find those hearts wherever around the apartment. You would keep them in a jar on your dresser, and slowly throughout the relationship, the jar kept getting filled to the point where you needed a new one. After the breakup, when you would find one, you would throw it out. 

Every time you threw one out, a little piece of your heart went with it and you couldn’t explain why. 

The day you finally decided to move on hurt you just as bad as the day Eren and you broke up. You were burning away not only the bad memories but the core memories. The polaroid picture from your first kiss, the rose he got you for your first date, the first movie ticket. Every single physical memory was being turned to ash. Jean and Mikasa helped you light the match and watched everything burn with you. You didn’t cry at first, and you didn’t start crying until they both left. 

You closed the door, thanking them for being there for you..and for pushing you to move on. Although your heart was breaking, you still managed to smile. As soon as the door closed, you were back at the same position you were six months ago. Your back against the door, still somehow wishing that this was just some sick joke. 

Tears were running down your face. You would wipe them just for there to be more. You sobbed in the same position. At this point, it felt like a routine. You would try your hardest to get over Eren, no matter what you would do to get over him, the memories haunt you. 

Slowly, you stopped crying. You don’t know how long you sat there, it could have been minutes or hours. You eventually stood up, then you walked to your kitchen as if nothing happened. The first thing you grabbed was to go to your cabinet to get a glass when suddenly you heard someone talking on the phone outside of your apartment. The voice sounded familiar, it was deep yet somehow smooth. 

You put down the glass and walked back to the door. You then looked out of the peephole to see Jean sitting on the ground across from your apartment. Your eyes widened slightly, wondering why he was there. You opened the door, seeing Jean’s facial expressions. He looked tired, concerned, mad, everything you were feeling right now. 

“Jean?” You say softly, while you were watching Jean slowly get up. He walked towards your door not saying much. But yet, the silence says it all. “H-How long were you sitting there for?” You opened the door some more to let him in. “Just long enough so I know you stopped crying because of him.” Your heart dropped. 

How long has he been doing this? That was the first question that came to mind. You were having mixed emotions right now. How were you supposed to feel? Although your heart felt somewhat warm, you were also feeling untrustworthy. 

Jean walked to your dining table and leaned against it. He then crossed his arms. You walked to your kitchen, "Do you want something to drink?" It was the least you offer, especially since he was sitting outside for who knows how long. "Do you have any alcohol?" He joked, and a small chuckle left your mouth. You grabbed another glass, then walked over to your counter to grab some alcohol.

You opened the bottle, then poured some for you and Jean. You handed Jean his glass, "Why do you wait?" You asked while taking a small sip. Jean stayed quiet, most likely trying to think of an answer. There was this moment of awkward silence. 

Before you and Eren started dating, you and Jean were best friends. You and him have been friends for years, but when Eren came along, your friendship changed. Eren became possessive and toxic. He didn't like how close you were with Jean. So eventually, you stopped talking to Jean. 

But, when you and Eren broke up, Jean came running to be right by your side. Although you and Jean stopped talking, Jean never stopped wanting to protect you, he never stopped watching over you, and never stopped loving you even after seeing you with another man. 

Jean has had feelings for you since he met you. There's always been this little spark between the both of you. Eventually, that spark grew to be something more. He always tried to protect you. He would try to tell you what Eren was doing behind your back but you wouldn't listen to him in fear of Eren seeing you two together. 

"I wait because I'm worried, y/n." 

"Why are you worried, Jean?"

Jean took another sip of his liquid courage and walked towards you. You walked backward until you reached the counter. "Because you were crying over a man who didn't deserve you." Jean softly confessed. Your heart skipped a beat. Slowly, your eyes locked with Jean's hazel eyes. His expression was gentle with a mix of protectiveness..and a mix of love. "Then who deserves me?" You responded, feeling a rush of emotions come over you. 

Your heart started racing as Jean leaned in closer to you. Was it the alcohol? Was it the fact that Jean is right about you getting over Eren? 

Jean's hands were placed on top of the counter, cornering you. His right hand found its way to your hip. His lips inched towards yours, “You deserve someone who takes your breath away every time you look at him. Someone who makes you laugh, smile, feel every emotion that Eren didn’t.” Your eyes lock with his, feeling his breath against your lips. “I-I’t’s you..” You whisperingly confessed. Suddenly, he kissed you with passion, feeling sparks fly. Your noses bumped into each other as little giggles left your mouths. You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck. His lips tasting like the alcohol you were just drinking a moment ago. Your lips move with his, for the first time in what felt like months, this was the kiss you've been dreaming of. The kiss that makes you feel like you're on cloud nine, the kiss that makes time go by slowly, the kiss that makes all the others seem non-existent. 

You felt Jean's hands pick you up and place you on the counter, "Are you drunk?" You asked as his lips found their way to your neck, gently kissing and leaving hickeys. Jean stopped his movement, as a small smile spread on his face. The smile you missed, the smile you practically dreamt of, the smile that never failed to make you smile. "No." He answered, as he slowly dragged his thumb across your bottom lip, "Are you?" He asked in return, you nodded, not knowing how to respond. 

Jean's free hand moved towards your buttoned pants, "No answer?" He asked with a sly smirk on his face. Your mind went blank. His fingers played with the button as he leaned in to whisper in your ear, "I'm going to ask one last time, y/n. Are you drunk?" You coughed out a response, "N-No. No, I'm not, Jean." A laugh left his mouth. 

"Good, because I don’t want our first time to be while you're drunk." He whispered again. Just like that, his lips were on yours. This time, that once soft kiss was now a kiss full of meaning. You don't know what came over yourself...and right now you weren't thinking about that. You were thinking about how soft his lips were, how his lips were on yours, and how you felt at that moment. 

Jean picked you off the counter, and for a moment, all emotions that you had left for Eren had left your mind and all you can think about was Jean. 

That kiss made you realize one thing. 

It's always been...him. 

It's always been Jean since the first day you laid your eyes on him. You were blinded by Eren. You were blinded by the fact that a very popular guy finally chose you. You were wrong..and now you want to spend the rest of your life making it up to Jean. 

As he walked into your bedroom, your legs were wrapped around Jean's waist. He gently placed you on the bed, his lips finally leaving yours for a split second, "Finally, you're mine." You could cry with pure happiness. It was the happiness you never felt with Eren..but only with him. 

You gave him a small and gentle peck, whispering softly, "Finally." You both smiled as you went back to kissing. His lips never left yours. If they did leave yours, they would end up moving and peppering kisses on your neck, as he slowly ripped away each item of clothing off of your body. 

The tip of his index finger teased the top of your panties. You roll your hips, "J-Jean.." You moaned out softly, hoping he would get the hint. A sly smile grew on his face, chuckling slightly at how much you were begging for him. "God, y/n." He whispers in your ear as his lips move at a slow rate.

His fingers inch more and more towards where you wanted him to touch you most. You were getting impatient, all you wanted was to feel him. You moved your hands when suddenly Jean pinned them above your head. 

The sexual tension was so thick. As much as he wants to fuck you, he wants to take his time. 

Your eyes meet, "Please touch me, Jean." You begged. His eyes read yours, and that's when he lost all control. Fuck taking his time, he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. He moved his hand from pinning yours to taking off your panties. 

It all happened so fast. One moment Jean was taking his time, devouring you inch by inch, finally getting what he's been dreaming of since he realized he had a crush on you. 

Jean moved to the edge of the bed, and in one sudden motion, your thighs were wrapped around his neck. His lips peppered kisses on your inner thighs, moving closer to your aching clit. 

He flatted his tongue and in one lick, he had you melting and moaning his name. That one moan sent him over, he wanted to hear you say it over and over again. This moment will be embedded in his brain for who knows how long. 

Your fingers brush through his brunette locks, highly tugging at the roots, "Fuck, Jean." You moaned out as Jean's tongue circled your clit, making your mind and body melt. You felt his fingers add into the mix, moving slowly, pressing against the spot that makes you lose control. 

He was in between your legs, lewd noises were the sound that was echoing in the room, pleads, begs, screams and moans.

His long, slim fingers thrust into you, making you moan louder and louder. Jean was loving the way your moans sounded. It was like music to his ears. 

Over and over again, you were chanting Jean's name. It was every time he hit that spot, you would scream his name in pleasure. 

Jean replaced his tongue with thumb and admired the view ahead of him, "God, you're so fucking hot, y/n." He said as your eyes met with his. A sly smile spread on his face while watching your reaction to his compliment. Your lip slid between your teeth, trying your hardest to hold back your moans.

He replaced his thumb back with tongue, and your head fell back onto the bed, feeling his tongue explore your cunt again.  Your hands then roamed your body, finding their place over your mouth. You then began to slightly ride his mouth.

A familiar feeling began to stir in your stomach. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, your toes curled, feeling his finger movements begin to speed up. 

You were speechless, you couldn't spit out a word, it felt that good. Finally, you spit out the words, "W-Wanna cum, so-so bad." Jean sped up his movements, moving his mouth off of your core, then crawling in between your legs, moving up until you were face to face. 

His fingers didn't stop moving as he kissed you. Your moans were muffled by the kiss. "Cum on my fingers, y/n." He didn’t have to tell you twice. You came on his fingers, and instantly, your legs started shaking. 

Jean got off the bed, and you held yourself up with your elbows, watching him pull down his boxers, and your jaw instantly dropped. His dick was big, probably the biggest one you've seen. He was mesmerized by your reaction to his size. 

Your eyes locked with his as you sat up. You grabbed his arm and immediately pulled him into a kiss, your arms wrapped around his neck, feeling Jean slowly spreading your legs. 

His lips left yours for a split second, "Are you on the pill?" You nodded, "Are you clean?" You asked as his hand inching towards your aching cunt. He nodded, kissing you back in response. 

"Good, now I want you to beg for it, y/n." You smiled slightly because thought he was joking. You wanted him obviously, your body was practically begging for him. The tip of his dick teased your sensitive clit, and a quiet moan left your lips.

You lifted your hips, trying to get more out of him. Your smile disappeared when you realized he wasn't kidding, he was dead serious. You looked into his eyes, and his sparkle was gone. 

"P-Please." you said desperately. Jean raised his eyebrow, "That's all you got? C'mon, y/n. Your body is practically begging for me..." His lips inched towards yours, "But, I want to hear you beg for my cock." His words hit straight to your core. "Please, Jean. Please fuck me. I-I want you so-so much." 

Jean chuckled as he moved the tip of his dick in between your folds, “Where do you want it, princess?” He said as he kept teasing your aching cunt. You buck your hips against the tip of his cock, begging for some sort of friction. You look up and all you see is his desperate eyes on yours. “I want you to fuck me with your cock.” He chuckles, “Good girl.” he praised, and in one swift motion, he finally slid into your cunt. You both moaned. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and the bottom of your lip slid in between your teeth. 

He bottomed out, hitting the spot that made you scream his name. With each thrust, came a moan. "F-Fuck, Jean!" You said as he pounded his cock into you. 

You dug your fingers into his back, slowly moving them up, making sure to leave a mark. Jean inhaled sharply, "So fucking t-tight, y/n." Jean said as he kept bottoming out into you, hitting your g-spot over and over again. 

Jean's lips found their way to yours, the kiss was deep. It was almost like he was trying to devour you as if you were his last meal. Although the kiss was deep, it had a meaning. You were his, you belonged to him. And, you were okay with that. Jean moved his lips from your throat and then moved to his next position. He grabbed your ankles and placed them on his shoulder, hitting your g-spot at a different angle. 

He kissed your ankle as he kept pounding into you. The view in front of you looked so hot. He was hitting all the places that made your mind go blank. “Fuck.” Jean moaned. His moans made you want to exploded right then and there. He moved your legs and by habit you wrap them around this waist. 

“This pussy was made for me, y/n.” Jean expressed in the nook of your neck, peppering kisses, sucking softly. Your fingers raked through his locks, lightly tugging. “J-Jean..harder.” You begged. You wanted him to fuck you like no other could. You wanted him to make you forget about Eren. 

His thrusts slow down making you whimper. Jean flips you on your stomach, “Grab onto the headboard.” He demanded. You wrap your fingers around the cold metal bars, “Please.” You begged. Jean chuckled as you felt his dick slam into you again. You practically scream, feeling the bed shift slightly. Jean’s hands find their place in your hair. His finger wraps around your hair, making a make-shift ponytail, tugging at your roots. You moan feeling his dick hit a new spot from the new position he has you in. 

You suddenly felt a harsh slap on your ass, you wince from he pain..but, you wanted more of it. Sounds of slapping skin fill the room, “Keep milking my cock, y/n.” You clench around his cock with every thrust. 

You could feel your orgasm building up, feeling Jean’s hand leave your hair, then snaking to your clit. “You gonna’ cum, princess?” You nod, not being able to find the words. You felt another harsh slap on your ass, “Words.” He warned. Jean’s movements on your clit made your toes curl, making you moan loudly. 

“Yes, I-I need to cum..so so bad.” You felt his thrust fasten, knowing he was close too. He instantly flips you over again, feeling his lips on yours. You wrap yours around his neck, “Cum for me, princess.” That’s all it took. Your legs started trembling as your orgasm unraveled. Jean emptied his load into you, letting you ride out your orgasm. 

His lips found yours again as he pulled out. This kiss was different. This kiss felt like you were home..with him. 

Jean’s lips left yours as he got up and walked to your bathroom, leaving you absolutely speechless. You couldn’t believe that just happened..but yet, you were so glad it did. You turn your head to see Jean in the bathroom, running a washcloth under some water. 

Eren never did aftercare. He would just fuck you, and leave you hanging. Most of the time, you didn’t even finish..it was always about him finishing, his pleasure before yours, and that’s when your handy vibrator came into your life. Looks like you wouldn’t be needing that anymore with the way Jean just fucked you. 

You thought sex like this belonged in porn.

Jean walked out of the bathroom smiling, “What are you smiling about?” You questioned him as he bends your still trembling legs. He kisses the top of your knees as he cleans your most sensitive area, you wince feeling the washcloth on your clit. 

“You.” It was a simple one word..but, it made your heart melt leaving your very dirty thoughts behind. His fingers find your clit again, as that smile turned into a sly smirk. You moan, “Jean.” You warned softly, as he rubs it slowly.  His fingers slip into your hole, “Just cleaning you out.” He says, as his fingers hit your g-spot. Your hand wraps around his wrist, “Do you want me to stop?” You shaking your head, never wanting him to stop. 

He continues his movements, your legs squeezing together as his long, slim fingers continue to pump into you. You could feel your orgasm bubbling up. “Let go for me, princess.” And that’s all it took for your third orgasm to unravel, leaving you in a moaning mess. 

His fingers left your cunt as his eyes locks with yours. He licks his fingers cleaning, “Now, I’m actually going to clean you up.” A giggle leaves your mouth as you feel the washcloth sliding over your skin again. You could get used to this. 

You started thinking about life with Jean. “So, now what happens?” You ask out of curiosity. You were absolutely terrified of losing him. You didn’t know what was going to happen. Were you guys going to pretend this didn’t happen? Were you guys going to start a life together? Were you guys going to stay as friends? You had so many questions that were fueling your anxiety. 

He stops his movements, looking at you, “I said that I was never going to let you go, y/n. You’re mine.” Tears start to form in your eyes, “Losing you to Eren was my biggest mistake, I should have never let you go..I felt like I hurt you. If I would have kept pushing you, and telling you everything he was doing behind your back, I thought I would have lost you permanently.” He stands up and walks across the room, throwing the used washcloth into the hamper. Then walking towards the bed, laying next to you. He places his hand on your cheek, “I will never ever let you go..And I mean it. I will spend all this lifetime and the next proving it to you.”

As a tear escapes your eye, Jean’s thumb catches it, “Why are you crying?” And suddenly, there were more tears..too many tears for his thumb to catch. You roll over, placing your head on his chest. “I’m sorry.” You say in the midst of a broken sob, Jean doesn’t say anything, he just caresses your head and lets you cry. 

You wrap your arm around his chest, hugging him so tight, as if he was going to leave went you woke up. All this time, Jean waited for you. For all the years that you were with Eren, Jean was there waiting to help you when he left. 

The day that Eren left the apartment, you called Jean, and he ran to your apartment. You didn’t know who else to call, you wanted the one person who knew how to comfort you, your best friend. Jean helped you through all the stages of your break up. He was there when you needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there when you couldn’t find yourself. And now, here he was yet again, being the shoulder you cried on. 

“It should have been you, Jean.” You said through the soft sobs, “It shouldn’t have been Eren, I should have never been with him..it was supposed to be you.” Jean kissed the top of your head, comforting you. 

Jean kisses the top of your head, as you looked up at him, “Now we can make up for lost time.” His lips inched towards yours, “Starting now.” His lips connected with yours. 

This is what loves feels like..and it’s how it should have been from he start. 

Jean is your forever.

Jean is the missing piece to your broken puzzle.

Jean is the person you prayed to God for everyday instead of Eren. 

Jean is your other half. 

____

2 YEARS LATER:

“Here’s to your last day being engaged!!” Mikasa exclaimed as she jumps into your arms. You were out for brunch with all your girlfriends, celebrating your last day being an engaged woman. You never thought this day would come. 

Jean ended up proposing a year ago..and it was so romantic. You both knew you wanted to get married. Jean wanted it to be a surprise though. He had taken you to a romantic restaurant..which would have been very cliche of him. You and him would always joke about the cliches. He knew you wanted everything but the cliches. 

He ended up getting on one knee when you least expected it. He wanted to catch you off guard. You and him were going house hunting when he proposed. You guys were looking at a house and the moment you step foot into it, you saw your life with Jean flash before your eyes. Every corner you turned, you could imagine kids running around. When you went into the kitchen, you saw family dinners..just the thought alone brought tears to your eyes. 

It was when you guys walked into the backyard when you looked Jean in the eyes and told him exactly how you felt. That was your forever home, the place where you wanted to grow old and gray with Jean, the place where you wanted to start a family..that was where your future was. You turned around for a split second and when you turn back to face Jean, he proposed. 

You didn’t even let him finish talking. You knew you wanted to marry Jean for years. Even before Eren. 

Even after a year of him proposing to you, you still think about every single word Jean said. He said the same exact thing you were thinking while walking through the house. His dream was your dream. 

The wedding was around the corner and you couldn’t wait. It was going to be a small wedding. You and Jean just wanted something simple. You both agreed that the memories were more important than the big wedding. 

As you, Mikasa, and the rest of your friends leave after drinking one too many mimosas, you accidentally bump into someone. You instantly apologize, looking up to see the man who broke you in ways you thought couldn’t be fixed. This was the actual time you bumped into him. “Y/N?” Hearing your name leave his lips sounded like poison. It’s the one voice that still haunts you. 

You started to feel sick, feeling bile rising up your throat. His eyes inched towards your taken hand. You couldn’t find words. There were so many things you wanted to say..but, it wasn’t worth your time. Jean helped you move on, he put you back together when you couldn’t find the pieces. Eren took a piece of you that you were still trying to find..even after all these years. You slowly back away, calling out his name once. 

You walk past him linking your arm with Mikasa’s, “I’m sorry.” The two words stop your movement, you turn around for a split second, feeling Mikasa giving you and encouraging squeeze. “You’re not sorry, Eren. You never were..you ruined me. Y-You used me, cheated on me, fucking tore my heart into pieces.” You walked closer to him, “You don’t get to apologize, you piece of lowlife scum, I hope you rot.” 

Before he could say another word, you turned away linking your arm with Mikasa’s. You feel good. A smile spread on your face, “You feel good, y/n?” You nod, feeling a sense of relief fuel your veins. 

You never really got closure and that was something you struggled with for the longest. You still don’t understand why he cheated on you. The countless therapy sessions helped for a short period of time. But, this is your closure. You said what you said, and you feel good. This is what you needed to open the next chapter of your life. 

As you walk into your stunning house, you were immediately greet by the newest addition to your family, Remi. She’s a french bulldog you and Jean adopted when you moved into the house. She lights up your world. You and Jean are so grateful for her. After greeting your pup, you were greeted by your fiancee. 

You give him a soft kiss, feeling his hands on your waist, instantly feeling like you’re home. “How was brunch?” A smile spread on your face as you take off your coat, “It was a lot of fun! I wish you were there though.” You said as you were taking off your heels. 

“Yeah, I wish I went too. Connie is having a late dinner later to have a pre-celebration for tomorrow.” You roll your eyes with a smile, “Make sure you don’t drink too much, Jean.” A chuckle leaves his throat, giving you another kiss on the cheek. 

As you both walk towards the kitchen, you were thinking about how to tell Jean about your interaction with Eren. 

He opens the cabinet when you broke silence, “I bumped into Eren.” 

Jean turns around, placing both of his hands on the counter, “What happened? Did he do anything?” You shake your head, as a small smile spread on your face, “I got closure, Jean. I feel good.” You went onto telling him what you said and you both ended up laughing. You don’t have a mean bone in your body. So, telling him what you said made the both of you laugh. 

“I’m proud of you, y/n.” The four words made tears run down your cheek. Yet again, even after all these years, Jean is there to catch every single tear. “I’m glad you finally got the closure you’ve been searching for.” You wrap your arms around his waist, “Me too. I feel like I can let go of that chapter of my life.” 

Tomorrow was the start of a new chapter. 

Although you know your next chapter won’t be picture perfect, you were okay with that. As long as you had Jean on your side, you knew that it would be your version of picture perfect. And, that’s all you needed. 

__

As you’re walking down the isle, you think about everything you (and Jean) have been through to get to this moment. 

In a sense, you were grateful that everything happened, because it led you here, marrying your best friend, and you couldn’t imagine life go any other way. Jean has taught you that love is real, you just have to find the right person. Life has a funny way of showing love, it’s like a road to describe it the least. 

Life and love are both bumpy roads, there’s all these bumps, cracks, unexpected turns, things that get in your way. But, once you get past that, the road is smooth and clear. 

Today, you’re marrying your soulmate, your other half, your best friend, & you couldn’t wait to finally be Mrs. Kirstein. 

Jean didn’t lie when he said you were his. Since that day, he never left your side. He was there for everything. Every doubt, every cry, everywhere you least expected him to be. 

The six words you’ve been waiting for years for finally approached, “You may now kiss the bride.” Jean kissed you like your life depended on it..just like the first time he kissed you. The kiss that makes you feel like you're on cloud nine, the kiss that makes time go by slowly, the kiss that makes all the others seem non-existent. 

“I told you, you were always mine, y/n.” He whispered against your lips. A bright smile spread on your face. It was just you and him. You zoned out the crowd, as if time was going in slow motion. You stare into his eyes and see your future. You place your thumb under his eyes, collecting the tears that he’s always done for you. 

Inching your lips towards his, feeling the same emotions as his. You whisper, “Forever and always yours.”

The end. 

🏷️: @betterwinter @moonlight445sblog @linglingisyutabiased @takspv @imaninfjbiherself @levisstainedunderwear @cafesho @Unicornlover25 @mocha-focha @Mochaxfocha @szna @yeagerfushiguro @twiixiies @haitanihime @Crazytyphoon @the-sun-baby

Finishing note: thank you so much for all the love in broken promises! It’s been two years since I posted it and it’s still one of my favorites. I am very happy with how it ended. There were some bits and pieces in here that I took from my actual life. Remi is true!! She’s my baby🫶🏻..plus some breakup scenes were from my breakup😭. Anywhos, I hope to be able to get back into writing soon :)

[transgenderer]

ive been kind of unsatisfied with my grad school experience so far. im in a weird situation where like i went to school in canada and they do masters programs before applying to phds first there so i only applied to masters programs and then out of idk, emotional necessity basically (last semester of undergrad was kind of disastrously bad) i decided not to stay at my (pretty good, but intense) school in canada and instead go back to the US. and the masters program at a not very good (i mean, R1, but only kinda recently) school i applied to just offered me a phd slot so i went for it. but i dont really have a math community and it sucks. anyway this is all context, you may have already heard this.

i had assumed that like, i was kind of stuck here, that places arent interested in people jumping programs. but i just learned somebody in my program just jumped to a way higher ranked program. i mean not ivy league or anything, but good, top 50 math program. which makes me think like. shit. i might be able to do that. so then the question is. do i WANT to do that? idk. im already pretty advanced in the phd here, im planning to take my quals at the end of the year. so maybe it makes sense to just sorta bang out a phd. and then figure out what im doing. i like my advisor, ill be glad to go back to meeting with him in person soon. and finding an advisor you like is really hard. but also its gotten to the point where i wince whenever i hear the name of a high-ranked university. honestly i kind of did that in undergrad even tho my undergrad was really good. getting rejected from all my reaches stung (canada doesnt really "do" reaches, they just weed people out)

this post isnt very interesting but i dont go to therapy anymore so

[otakween]

Digimon Frontier - Episode 3

For this episode I decided to check out the English dub for Frontier. I really enjoyed it! My problem is that the Digimon dubs are more fun and nostalgic to watch, but I'm always really conscious of missing out on lore and emotional beats. Maybe I'll finish the sub and then watch the dub someday when I wanna revisit this.

Notes:

The American OP is hype as heck! I like the tribal vibe with the drums. I think I like the Japanese digivolution music a little better though.

I liked most of the English VAs but Takuya sounds like a 30 year old lol. For some reason, Izumi's Italian outbursts were a lot funnier in English, "Mamma mia!"

I coulda sworn Takuya said he was in the 4th grade in the last episode but now he's in the 5th? In the dub he's in the 6th, so let's just say he's somewhere in the upper elementary range.

I really loved Tomoki's digivolution sequence. I like how his hand movements are a little more childish/cheerful than Takuya or Koji's Also, in the dub I love how he said "EXECUTE" lol. I know they meant like "executing a program" but I was just thinking of the murder version of "execute" hehe.

So I guess Bokomon and Neemon have a boke/tsukkomi dynamic going on. I think they overdid Bokomon's bullying a bit tho

Lol @ the DigiCode fixing one (1) single bridge in this episode whereas in the first episode they fixed like an entire village. I guess some digimon get you better results than others? (Also they said that the bridge "protected them from bad digimon," how does that work?)

So they've established a bunch of times now that there are supposed to be 10 warriors. Betting the cast will expand with some minor characters later.

I just noticed this, but Takuya has a little symbol on his shirt and hat but I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a reference to something or it's just a cool graphic.

Speaking of graphics, I finally noticed that the symbols for the spirits are literally just kanji. Like Agnimon's is the kanji for fire, Wolfmon is light, Chackmon is ice...

Uhhh...why is the dub name for Chackmon (Kumamon) way more Japanese sounding? I guess they couldn't have used Kumamon in the sub cuz...

Chackmon is a weird name and even after reading the etymology on the wiki I don't really get it.

These kids are kinda savage. First Bokomon is pleading with them to save his world and they just look annoyed and then when Agnimon is battling all the Candlemon they're just like "wow, he's really trying to fight a fire type? What a dumbass" (paraphrasing) and they walk off (to be fair, Takuya told them to hide, but still!) It was really funny when Bokomon was telling the Candlemon that the kids were there to save the Digital World and Takuya was like "not really" lol.

I'm glad that they were at least given the chance to go home because otherwise it feels a little bit like they're being blackmailed into being heroes (save our world or you'll never see your home again)

I'm sure someone has meme'd on Agnimon being covered in white drippy wax before...I'll refrain.

I feel like we already have too much lore here. First it was Cherubimon was messing up the world and now it's actually Lucemon that was the OG world messer-upper? Now I dunno who the big bad is!

If there are 10 warriors...I wonder what the elements are gonna be. Well I guess Pokemon has managed to come up with a zillion "elements." Is someone gonna end up with "heart?" hahaha

Didn't expect Wizardmon to show up as a baddie-of-the-week. Feels weird.

I kinda like that Koji is taking his sweet time to join the party. We don't need his drama in the friend group.

[laugtherhyena]

Bunch of random little things about Akira i moved onto a second post because the loredrop got too big

-Her songs are a form of venting of sorts, putting her emotions and feelings into lyrics so a good handful are about the tragedy or her struggles growing up or even "simpler" topics like love and uncertainty about the future. (On a somewhat related note, i imagine her stuff sounding kinda like Willow smith, Beach bunny and No doubt songs)

-She's had 3 guitars so far; the first was a birthday gif from Teruya when she was like 13 that she used to the point of it becoming unusable and now it's hanging on the wall of her bedroom, she forgot the second one at a party and couldn't remember where the place was (Hence why she always keeps her guitar on her afterwards) and the third one is custom made.

-She keeps a notepad and pen in her pocket to write lyric/song ideas she has on the spot because otherwise she'll just end up forgetting it. Her notes there are incredibly messy and scribble to the point only Akira herself can make something coherent out of them.

-Her easy-going enough to go basically anywhere as long as it sound like it could be fun, this helped her careers quite a bit since there's been several times she was recognized at some party or event or similar thing and in some cases even asked to perform for the crowd.

-Akira's pretty fit which makes her stronger than the avarage Dra gal. As you can probably guess, that just comes naturally when one of your parents a workout freak. Ayame's always made sure Akira keeps her exercises in check.

-She worked at the Kisaragi foundation as Rei's assistant for a bit when she was around 16-17 before her music career really took off.

-Similarly to Kizuna, Akira is also very physical affectionate, tho in her case that comes in the form of hugging people and invading their personal space.

-Other than her moms, the other Class 79 survivor she's the closest with is Teruya! She used to call him uncle as kid and he's helped set up a handful of her concerts.

-She's pretty close with Minako too, for obvious reasons you know that's her grandmother, and since Minako is working on improving herself by the time she's adopted she's been a nicer grandmother than she was a mother to Kizuna. (which gives her a whole mess of conflicted feelings, but at the end of the day she's glad her daughter has a good relationship with her grandma)

-She's never met her grandfather tho, the guy sorta just vanished when Minako managed to finally divorce him Akira things is for the best they've never met because she's only heard bad things about Toshiro. She's also never met her grandparents on Ayame's side but that's because they died in the tragedy, Ayame did tell her about them quite a bit and they have some a photo of them around the apartment.

-When it comes to her biological parents, Akira really doesn't have any interest in learning about what kind of person they were because she has a pretty weird relationship with them (or their memory i suppose). She was far to young when they died to remember anything about them and and so really can't feel much for them + she can't know if the Sakamotos would have been supportive of her being trans as her adoptive family is so that adds a whole another mess of feelings to the mix.

-She's always been going by Akira, she likes the name and didn't feel like choosing a new one when starting her transition. Still on the topic of names, the reason she has both of her mom's surnames is because she insisted in doing so out of how important both Ayame and Kizuna are for her.

-Aside from her memory getting worse, Akira's second biggest fear is virtual realities/simulations because she was told by her mothers about how Mikado tried to lock all of them inside his virtual reality when the foundation got into the sim. Needless to say the idea of losing both of her parents in a flash like this was really scary for a kid, and even as an adult Akira is scared of being stuck inside a machine with no way out.

[backhugtrope]

아스달 연대기: 아라문의 검

man it's taken me like 8 months to watch arthdal 2 after it came out.... it's not like i didn't want to but tbh i was scared it would suck. I hadn't heard much about it either, but i guess that's bc it was on disney+ for some reason instead of netflix.

ANYWAY i watch it all last week and honestly it was lit. i thought about rewatching some of season 1 first, but i'm glad i didn't, there was a recap anyway and the 4 year wait helped me forget the actors that got replaced. well, not ALL......but i will say that lee joon gi did a great job. like, as a saya fan i did miss SJK ofc but if i'd got to choose his replacement it might've been lee joon gi! actually i felt so bad for saya this season, why is everything all about eunseom, he gets the girl, gets to be inaishingi AND aramun haesulla? .....dude leave some prophecy for the rest of us..... i'd be jealous too

and it's always a pleasure when my fave eum moon suk makes an appearance.... he was sooo good and MADE the 2 eps he was in

while i've never minded her as an actress (i know she gets some hate), unfortunately shin se kyung WAS kinda flat as tanya. ALSO even tho she's apparently in love with eunseom --they have this weird kiss when finally reuniting after 10 years apart-- the only times she ever shows any emotion are when yangcha is in peril (understandable!!), which brings me to....

***YANGCHA CHRONICLES***

as my season 1 fave, i was sooo glad we got more yangcha scenes and background this season! the new hair was dubious & i was sad to see the mask go after only one ep (bc hellooo his main appeal was how masked and silent and mysterious he was) but we do learn about WHY he was masked/couldn't talk (he was a child of shahati but tagon saved him!!), anyway ofc he switches loyalty from tagon to tanya bc he gets his emotions back bc of her and he loooves her. he also tries to die for her a couple times but thankfully survives the season. so tanya. girl. yangcha's right there, like eunseom who?? couldn't be me.

who knows if there'll be a season 3, i mean the setup is there (with saya sailing off somewhere with those neanthals and taelha raising an army + kid to take back arth from eumseom) but not sure the ratings were. if there's ever a S3 though, i'll watch it

[walpu]

WALP HAVE YOU READ THE NEW TEXT FROM AVEN HE'S SOAHDHEND

[SPOILERS] (for the text and 2.2 quest)

I asked him to get me everything and now I feel guilty 😔

I'm so glad he's being more friendly with TB now tho. But it feels a little weird forced since the TB was hostile towards him before. Like yea we as the player love him but... Well, he's happy, idc, he's in therapy (kinda? ) and thriving and I hope he gets better and that we get to see him more in the next update

Also side note, it seems Ena being the Avgin Goddess is becoming more and more likely especially since the broken clockie in the mood tuning screen has the same eyes as Aven. Kinda sad that's the route they went tho ngl but well, I'll let hoyo cook a bit more before judging.

I'm just...so glad he's OK lol. Hopefully whatever Diamond has in store for him is positive but also idk if being promoted is good for him...hopefully everything works out for Aven cuz if not I won't be sane.

Me when I got his text

YES I'VE SEEN IT GOT ME EMOTIONAL FOR SEVERAL REASONS

First, he's so sweet to us?? I actually think it's pretty in character for him to be nice to us even if the trailblazer was hostile towards him before. He wants to have friends and since he's obviously Not Well mentally he probably thinks it's okay if they're mean as long as they're willing to stay by his side and maintain somewhat friendly relationship with him.

Also I was right all along, he DOES try to spoil people in order for them not to leave him. "That's what friends are for" my ass, I want to kill myself now. Aven wtf. His views on friendship and his self value are still so messed up I feel so bad for him honestly. Well, at least he's learning to be more vulnerable, even if he needs to pretend it's a little game in order to make it more comfortable (and to be less bothersome ig, BUT HE WAS NEVER BOTHERSOME)

(I've chosen the gloves but I still checked the rest of the answers already).

About Ena being the Avgin Goddess. I'm still in denial but I'll trust the prosses 😭 Really hope they'll leave it vague tho

[super-rangers]

i'm rereading uiw becuase fuck it i'm crazy and hyperfixated and late to the party, so i wanted to get a chance to read the story and the uiw posts and asks here in real time, so get ready for a few comments lol

first one (not even in order but i have been thinking about it) is that i LOVE the little interactions regina has with aaron, especially taking his hat to protect from the sun lol i'm a sucker for an exes to friends and she's never liked that man but they have INTIMACY, and i love it 10/10 what other little things do you think she does because they share this intimacy? or do you think she gets weirded out by some things he does with cady bc she remembers they did it together (and her being Not Into Men didn't like it?)

i'll (probably) be asking more as i read if that's okay ^u

I’m so glad you like their interactions!! I’m such a fan of their platonic dynamic bc you’re right, they do have a lot of intimacy and the way they handle it is fun to explore.

As part of my original idea, I had Aaron being one of the main people telling Regina that she needs to confess her feelings to Janis. The scene where Janis follows Regina to the swing set during the t-ball game was completely repurposed from a Regina and Aaron scene later in the story where Aaron’s the one finding Regina on the swings (angsting about Janis instead of her dad ofc) and telling her point blank that it’s getting ridiculous that she’s keeping her feelings to herself.

In some ways, he’s very similar to Damian in that he doesn’t take as much of Regina’s shit as her other friends do. Like he’s still a bit of a pushover but being in a healthy relationship really gave that kid a bit of perspective (as well as a little bit of a backbone) and the ability to call Regina out – not that we saw it in UIW much lol.

Went on a bit of a tangent sorry about that

ANYWAYS

I’m going to be honest, I think Regina avoids thinking about just how close her and Aaron are 😂 Too much introspection for her. She knows that she’s comfortable with him, and that’s enough for her.

In regard to how their intimacy might manifest, we saw it a little bit when Regina was talking about her dad leaving with everyone. Instead of going to any of her other friends, Regina turns to Aaron when she questions whether it’s bad that she doesn’t miss her dad. He’s kind of that touchpoint for her emotionally bc – very similarly to Gretchen – he saw her at her worst and still liked her. (I mean, that’s fully because he’s a teenage boy and Regina hot, but let’s pretend there’s a little bit more behind it lol) She doesn’t go to him with everything, but he’s definitely one of the people she’ll talk to when she needs to check a particular emotional response.

As a lighter example, I think she continues to steal his clothes. And, when the whole gang gets together for a sleepover or trip or something, I think Regina is comfortable being in that kind of sleepy-cuddly state with 2 people – Janis and Aaron. In the mornings while Janis is still asleep, I think Regina fully gets Aaron to make her a coffee and just leans against him with her head on his shoulder completely zoned out until she’s fully awake. Physical affection is still a challenge for Regina except when it comes to Janis and Aaron. She does not analyze what that says about how much she values Aaron, and none of her friends bring it up bc they think it’s adorable.

One day Regina’s going to realize that Aaron is her best guy friend and she’s going to hate it

She definitely gets weirded out by some things he does with Cady. It’s more about the sappiness and emotion behind the actions than the actions themselves, tho? Like, she’s not going to mind seeing Cady and Aaron cuddle on the couch or have a standing date night or see him give Cady a gift out of nowhere or any number of things.

It’s more going to be about Regina realizing that she wants those things now with Janis and being uncomfortable with the fact that she was so blind to her own sexuality when she had such disdain for someone she claimed to like trying to do nice things for her. She wants all of those mushy things with Janis – she wants to sit close to her as much as possible, having a standing date night sounds like a dream, and every time she sees something that reminds her of Janis, she buys it as a gift. Seeing his actions towards Cady just recontextualizes her own past in regard to the way she feels now

This got very long lol oops I didn’t realize I had that much to say about them

Also don’t apologize for asking questions!! I love receiving them and (obviously from this reply) I love to yap

[joosthead]

Ok, some family related stuff first (tw for pregnancy mention. Nothing weird I swear. If you aren't cool with that, completely fine)

I'm sure 2024 was quite the year for them with everything. I love the thought of Reader going on tour with him in 2025.

So funny that you mentioned the LA show because I'm going to one of the NY shows 😆.

Born in the same year!?! I knew Laurens and Juna were born close together but didn't realize That Close.😨 So Reader literally spends like a year and a half pregnant.😮‍💨 I hope Ruby scolded Joosti for her bestie lol. He better have treated her like a queen during that time.

(I totally don't get emotional at the thought of him holding the babies for the first time. Their little fingers grabbing his tattooed hand. Feeling all the emotions. Never thinking that a spilled drink on a pretty lady at the club would lead to this... Not at all 🥲) (Also him with that beard not only gives me husband vibes but also new dad vibes. No wonder Reader got knocked up again so soon 🤭 /j)

Also now with this timeline, the thought of them just finding out about the pregnancy and THEN finding out they were already like 4-5 months of the way there????? Those crazies. They probably thought, "haha wedding night baby lol" then the doctor being like, "you are further along than that" Both of them: 😧😧

Also also I knew Laurens was probably at the second wedding (wearing an adorable little suit I'm sure), but now Juna probably was too?!?!? Or were they like we need to speed this up and had the second wedding early first trimester with Juna? Reader was pregnant at both weddings 😂. They are nothing if not consistent.

(I had this thought of Gover officiating their second wedding. I could see him getting ordained if they asked him)

Like and share for part 2 lol - family anon

LIKED AND SHAREEDDD 😆😆 FAMILY ANONNNNNN PART 2 PLEASEEEE NOWWW

cw: pregnancy! and of course this is family era normal au :)

rpf ahead, anti-rpf dni

no worry friend … i have no issues with discussing normal au pregnancy hehe so if you have any more thoughts about that specifically too just send em!

yeahhh it took a lot of self convincing but reader surprised him! :33

ny show let’s gooo!! not enough of my mooties are going to LA but i’m so glad you all are gonna be in the vicinity of each other LOLOL i will be with you in spirit my beloveds…

HALF A FUCKING YEARRRRRR … reader loves that man (me too) … he waits on them hand and foot the entire time !!! if you think this drought is bad … imagine a newborn… and then imagine another pregnancy… and then imagine raising the other newborn alongside the 1 year old. crazzyyyy work and honestly reader is quite demanding which makes complete sense. ruby and marina both scold the guy for 0 pullout game hehe

it also makes complete sense reader is very demanding cuz all 3 babies are 8+ pounds and long (dads fault!!) so trust … it’s a lot

WAHHHHHH … both of them are quite daunted even tho they’ve had good practice with friends babies … it seems like everyone had babies tnis year and normal au them decided to catch up ! 😆😆

still he’s so scared he’s going to accidentally drop laurens on his head ��� “i was dropped on my head as a baby, maybe if it happens he will take after me,” he smiles and reader is like. i hope he takes after you either way but please don’t drop him 🥰 so many pictures … skin to skin and babeys little head is next to the “thanks for today” tat 🥹🥹 ohhhh i’ve lost it and you are enabling me!

for both of them it’s definitely a really big adjustment … i mean being parents duhhh but like both of them are so scared they’re gonna mess everything up and both of them are sooooo sensitive they’re crying like every 2 seconds that they have such a beautiful child but also OH NO THEY HAVE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CHILD WE CANT FUCK THIS UP

the BEARDDDDD… trust once the 6 weeks are up readers riding like no tomorrow … especially cuz tired dad joosti with his beard and long hair and reader’s had 0 time to cut his bangs for him so he looks a lil emo and the eye bags … woof 😵‍💫😵‍💫 #needthatsobad

YESHHHH ,,, huge huge adjustment .. i know it most definitely does not take that long for most pregnancies but i think they were both distracted by travel and also getting months of uninterrupted time together … who gaf about a baby 😹😹 jk. but yeah the moment the doctor is like “it looks like you’re measuring around 16 weeks” joosti just about faints … married man and soon to be father in just a few days. wouldn’t have it any other way tho. thank god for that fucking purse

(his push present is a clean version of the same bag he found on ebay for … an undisclosed amount of money because he knows reader would kill him if they found out he spent so much on a purse they already have… it makes them cry so hard bc they feel grateful to the point they pass out)

i actually feel the 2nd wedding takes longer because of the two babies haha but also because they are both bridezillas and need everything to be perfect for the wedding … probably like ? laurens 3 and juna 2 :)) laurens toddling down as the ring bearer and juna being carried down by one of the friends as the lil flower girl :) wahhhh

(LOLOL I NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS BUT he definitely officiates!! such a cute idea WAHHHH)

family anon i am waiting with bated breath for your wonderful part 2. please keep it coming i love your mind friend mwah mwah mwah

[the-pale-chancellor]

I’m glad I get to talk about it with someone finally!

And while I do understand where you’re coming from for the most part, I do have a few rebuttals.

Also I must confess, I don’t speak Russian in any way shape or form. I’ve seen the subtitled earlier productions enough that I mostly know what’s going on, but I bet I’ve missed a couple things in this new show.

I’m gonna try to do it smart like you did and piece out my opinions.

First off

Characters: I know I’m in the minority but I actually LIKE most of what they did with Crysania. In my opinion from reading the books it felt like lazy writing for her to have no personality. As the female lead she needed to be fleshed out more. This Crysania gets to have emotions and a personality outside of feelings for Raistlin. It also feels like she is fully immersed in the more joyful and compassionate parts of her faith which make a lot more sense for her character instead of going from stoic and cold to insta love. Also the fact that it’s her singing at the end the poetic justice is just *chefs kiss!* GIRLY FINALLY GOT TO HAVE THE LAST WORD SHE DESERVES.

Raistlin honestly got more fleshed out as well. His one redeeming quality is that he shows compassion for those who are powerless and bullied by society. And he got to show off this quality quite a bit. As for what you said about the scene before the battle of Zhaman, I don’t see it quite as a Jesus thing so much as like him using his manipulative side to win himself a war, which is more or less what it’s always been in this show. Also they took out him assaulting Crysania which I appreciate. Also in the books Raistlin was pretty sick most of the time. So it’s accurate.

You’re right about the cabaret thing that’s weird. But does it bother me all that much? No not really. In the book if I remember correctly they were in a literal courtroom with Rasitlin on trial for his past so…..is it really and weirder?

Were the costumes bad? Yes. Was the set weird and sound quality bad? Yes. Did I find it weird the actress playing Crysania was blond? Yes . but none of those things really took away too much from it for me. I like seeing new actors get to play these parts. I don’t know if they’ll be other performances of this version, but if they can just iron out the technical issues and make some improvements costume wise I think it could get better!

Oh but Crysania still doesn't have emotions outside her love for Raistlin. All this cheerfullness may seem like her actually being fleshed out, helping and confronting the injustice (and yes, in the scenes with Istar she does just that, props to her, even tho if I remember correctly she kinda did the same in previous versions, might be wrong), bUT. When listening to what she's singing (and I am just conveying it because you don't know the language), she now doesn't go from cold to insta loving. She goes from seeing Raist for the first time and insta loving him, all her thoughts and songs are about how she could save him from like the very beginning of the musical and that's what bothers me. Yes, coldness seems lazy on her, but that happy babbling just feels wrong to me.

Of course you may like her new variation though! Everyone has different opinions and I believe yours is as valid here, just saying what I noticed :)

Also, about the Abyss part. Even though I didn't like cabaret, I, for some forsaken reason, adored the actual tango. The way Raist moved under control had something in it, but I remember similar thing with Egorov somewhere. Yet, God forbid me from talking any further because I will not stop internally laughing about 12th doc appearance of that man.

Overall: I'd say it wasn't all horrible, not at all. I'd put 6/10 for the whole thing, probably Saint-Petersburg's version is better as it was filmed 10 days after the YouTube one (and is actually on sale rn, but it costs 2000rub/~20$ so can't watch it). They need to polish things A LOT, but overall - fine enough.

Thank you for having a convo of opinions with me! Needed to share this with someone :)

[familyabolisher]

re: annihilation im glad im not the only one who disliked it lol! ive struggled thru the second book as well bc people keep telling me the third is the best but. we'll see. id be curious abt ur thoughts & if you have similar critiques (lack of interiority for the mc for one, a lack of clarity on Whats Going On but not in a fun way imo but in a way that makes me really unsure what the Point of it all is, & (book 2) just. the most tedious mommy issues ive ever had to read thru) or if its something else entirely. no pressure tho! i just like hearing ur opinions on things.

tbh my immensely pedestrian answer is that i just couldn’t get on with the style at all—it felt very clumsy and, like, amateurish. i got the sense that vandermeer wanted to narrate The Horrors in a quotidian, somewhat clinical tone that established a discordance around an effort to record and empirically tackle something that resisted the boundaries of human language and communication, and i think a more skilled writer could have pulled that off to great effect; however, as it was, he neither leant far enough into that voice that the discordance could fully emerge & exert a significant enough narrative force to make the piece compelling, nor relaxed it enough to allow his language to play around with the lurid, macabre, paranatural setting. 

like, for example, i’ve just gone to a random page to give you some sense of what i mean.

This was really the only thing I discovered in him after his return: a deep and unending solitude, as if he had been granted a gift that he didn’t know what to do with. A gift that was poison to him and eventually killed him. But would it have killed me? That was the question that crept into my mind even as I stared into his eyes those last few times, willing myself to know his thoughts and failing. As I labored at my increasingly repetitive job, in a sterile lab, I kept thinking about Area X, and how I would never know what it was like without going there. No one could really tell me, and no account could possibly be a substitute. So several months after my husband died, I volunteered for an Area X expedition. A spouse of a former expedition member had never signed up before. I think they accepted me in part because they wanted to see if that connection might make a difference. I think they accepted me as an experiment. But then again, maybe from the start they expected me to sign up.

this is like … the first time we get a real, direct account of the biologist’s backstory. it’s like a speedrun of heterosexual our wives under the sea (also a bad book btw lol) and is supposed to pack a pretty hefty emotional punch, but it’s just … well, i mean. “a gift that was poison to him and eventually killed him.” like, the extract falls back on cliches; the prose lands in a very ‘safe’ register and feels a little afraid to push anywhere significantly outside of that. this is pretty representative of (what i read of) the whole book, tbh—and it stings especially when you have things like a mysterious tunnel-tower seemingly made of flesh that only the narrator can see that’s spawning fungi spelling out sentences as other characters in the novel start to die … like, that’s good, and that’s just really not being communicated on the page in any compelling manner. 

it felt as though vandermeer had established this fascinating world and then just failed to communicate any of it to any memorable standard. also, the pacing was all over the place, lol—like, take your time with it a little more, spend some time on setting and description! or if you want to lean into that clipped, clinical account, maybe experiment a little more with the texture that that could lend; like, journals, reports, the kind of temporal weirdness that those can generate (as is common in the gothic novel, for instance) … like, there were just a lot of ins where vandermeer could have negotiated a more interesting piece of work than what i was reading.

it just felt very, like—the word coming to mind for me is ‘timid.’ like the text found its own concepts a little too unwieldy and pared itself down into a very meek prose rather than rising to the challenge that its scaffolding presented. and as a result, i was just, like, bored and irritated trying to read it. i’m told that the film is very different so i might give that a go at some point, but i really couldn’t push through to the end of the book, lmao. maybe it’s worth reading for like the last 70 pages, but i’ll never know. sad! well there’s other genre fiction

[deathweak]

my review (ish) of whole cake island saga/one piece until chapter 902 (obv spoilers until then)

originally my fav arc was alabasta. then water seven/enies lobby. then it was impel down. then it was punk hazard/dressrosa. but then...whole cake island... actual emotional rollercoaster

the best part of this arc was definitely how human some of big moms kids were. my fav new characters introduced in this arc were pudding, chiffon, brulee and katakuri. i wish that big moms kids will all escape from her.. oda writes abusive families a lot, even the 'good' parents will beat their kids in one piece, i guess thats just the world they live in... but when it's a bad parent... oh man.

i managed to somehow not get spoiled about sanjis family at all, i was pretty shocked abt the reveal. i love reiju, even tho she was complicit in/a bystander to a lot of the abuse sanji suffered, i dont think there was anything more she couldve done. she saved his life multiple times over. i really hope we get to see her again.

but the best character in this arc was pudding. her mood swings/evil personality/tsundere gag wasnt the funniest ever but she was genuinely so human.. the way i kept going back and forth like.. is she just pretending to be evil? is she pretending to be in love with him? is she gonna betray him?? AND THE KISS... i actually ship sanji and pudding just a little ..

like i actually cried here. her arc was just chefs kiss(lol) amazing.

my other favourite antagonists were brulee and katakuri. at first i didnt like either of them, but after how much the gang bullied brulee i started to feel sorry for her and grew fond of her. i also always end up having a soft spot for odas 'ugly' female characters since it's just such a breathe of fresh air inbetween all the uncomfortable fan service (honestly the fan service kinda ruins a lot of scenes)

i didnt think there would be any deeper connection between brulee and katakuri until the very last moment, and this scene is one of my favourites in the whole series

like. brulees SMILE. the scar. katakuri was just defending his sister.. also the way flampe thought she was the favourite sister. nah!! thats brulee!!! i fucking ended up really loving her. i mean without her powers being abused by straw hats they wouldve all died. sorry brulee, you didnt deserve that... i hope mama didnt punish her after. also the way that katakuri was glad luffy got away!! he gained so much respect for luffy during their fight. Also i love how hes lowkey a jojo reference (and your next line will be...)

the way that a lot of big moms kids think theyre monsters is so sad.. but these three are just my favourites. i honestly love them. this arc is really about family bonds.. blood family and found family especially.

like sanji calling zeff his father multiple times and denouncing judge, but still hes such a kind person he had to save his blood family anyway. SANJIIiii. man. the way he really is. truly. KIND. i hate whenever hes being a complete pervert, sometimes its funny when hes in the respect women mode but when hes just being a creep i hate him. but this arc made me appreciate him a lot more, and i can kinda forget abt all the weird stuff.

when he was crying in the rain, lost all hope, and luffy gives him the light again..

i like that men are allowed to cry in one piece. like kyros cried all the time after being turned human again, and sanji cried multiple times in this arc. i cried at this scene as well.. luffy really out here saving the lives/souls of his whole crew. hes such a pure bright star..

lastly this scene!! CORAZOOOOONNNN!!! luffy didnt even know about that..the way he held his mouth shut and forced a smile to make sure his crew wouldnt be worried.

if i didnt know that he was gonna survive i might have actually thought he was gonna die

the annoying part about one piece for me is the plot armor tbh. theres no stakes, bc i know none of the straw hats can die. idk if id want one of them to die but it would bring some real shock to the readers. like the gang will pretty much always win by some trick in the end, sometimes its funny like how usopp defeated sugar, but sometimes it feels like a bit of a cop out. but i think luffy and katakuris fight was believable, the only gripe i have with it is that it was dragged out a biiit too long. this arc couldve been a good 5-10 chapters shorter if oda hadnt dwelled so long on things.

also i love love love how lola became relevant again and chiffon wanted to repay the debt of nami saving her twin sister, also mamas vivre card coming in clutch lmao. nami was epic in this arc, she went up against big mom without losing her shit too badly. i love her sadistic streak lolll. cant forget brook in this either, he was hilarious.

finally. RIP pound. a great father. also RIP pedro. two good guy casualties in one arc, is oda finally permakilling people?

overall id say this arc was a 9/10. -1 point for being a bit dragged out and the fan service with reiju.

[lovebvni]

Hi! This is Ani again. Just wanted to let you know that your reading was literally SO accurate. Istg you’re living my life

I’m gonna admit, I was expecting something much more negative. I usually expect negative things, which isn’t good, but that make the good things all the more exciting. This whole thing was also kind of new since this was my first intuition reading. My previous ask was also my first ask ever on tumblr so I was kind of nervous as well. It felt like I was writing an email lolol

But I’m so happy that I did do it because, you were right, I did kinda feel like I’ve been grazing rock bottom. I had this weird mixed feeling of being close to the void but also never getting in and holding both those feelings kind of drained me, on top of being burned out from school. This is the first time in a while where I’ve been truly excited for something.

Something that I recommend people do is something I did earlier this month, where I basically manifested seeing angel numbers and using their meanings as guidance on my void journey. I kept getting a lot of 444’s and 777’s which apparently both are related to seeking guidance from angels or something. I didn’t really know how to do that so I assumed that maybe I had to reach out to someone on tumblr, but even then I didn’t know who to ask. I didn’t even know what I should be asking. But this was really helpful and honestly, is making me so excited for my REAL new life instead of a daydream.

Also another thing is, I am a shifter! Or I’m planning to be one, anyway. The life I’m going to shift to from this one will be similar to my current one but better. But all my other realities after that, are pretty much going to be a totally different life with different people, like you said.

Also, can we talk about how in literally the beginning of the post I was called out in so many ways, like “Repressed emotions + feeling left out” 😭✋ Chill out man I can’t afford therapy rn ok?? Lolll all jokes aside though you are right, and I don’t really talk about what I’m feeling. I do think I am also very disconnected from people. I have a wide variety of interests so I can be part of multiple friend groups at the same time, which is why I feel so lonely, because I am never in one deeply enough to find true connections. I have a feeling I know who my new group of people are though!

Over all though, I am so excited to enter void. I have always known that I will, but it was just up to me to decide when. I’ve been putting in extra effort and I’m glad to see it’s paying off. And most of all, I’m excited to shift and be whatever I want to be! I don’t think anyone would be really, truly free until they experienced shifting, but then again, this is coming from someone who has never consciously shifted before (but I’m sure that’s still true).

Anyways, sorry this was so long, I think I kind of just went on a tangent with this one haha 😅 But fr tho, I can’t thank you enough for this, this has really helped me and re-inspired me a lot. I think everyone should give your intuition readings a try because it’s never bad to ask for help and advice, regardless of where you are in your void journey. This is also a great source of positivity for people who may feel stuck in their journey.

(Btw, I love how you complimented everyone in your response to the reading asks, it’s literally so sweet 🥹)

Thank you again for the reading! ♥️

OMG AAHHHH IM SO HAPPY WAIT

i literally read this whole thing during my lunch period and it made me so happy n smily (my friends probs think i have a new bf or something but no 😭😭 it’s this insane!!)

during my time in this earth, both before and after I shift i strive to be a guide. i want to help others reach their goals and get better in this life. every time i feel as if i help others, it brings new light and energy to my spirit. <3

im so glad i have you some hope and motivation, and i REALLY hope u get the help u need sometime!! i know financial issues r a real hinderance w mental health n to genuinely drives me insane 💀💀💀

i love u sm!!! i’m glad it helped!!

[katyspersonal]

(cut content anon, hi) in response to your question: i've never thought about how the hunter would feel about anything before lmao, but you ask about drama i bring drama. imagine a TYPICALLY cold and impersonal "no emotions but the hunt" hunter who's usually very concerned with efficiency seeing all of micolash's bullshit, having it get to them for once and just. throwing all their learned techniques out the window and brutally fucking him up. but then afterwards they're like "wait what the fuck- that was a person, even if he was horribly cruel that was still a fucking person, what am i doing" and spend however long marinating in the conflicting feelings of "holy shit i just fucking wrecked that guy" and "yeah but it was fun+he deserved it tho lol." like, they've killed people before ofc, but this is the first time they've a) lost their focus during a kill (especially one as easy as micolash that should've been very quick and simple) and b) gone out of their way to make a human (or anything, for that matter) suffer, and it makes them very very nervous. not because they feel guilty, he for sure DID deserve it and they will cherish the memory of beating his ass forever, but because they've seen what can happen to hunters who become too bloodthirsty.....anyways lmao, what do you think?

(also i read your tags and i'm glad my last ask cheered you up, and i hope you're feeling better by now 💖)

'A human OR anything for that matter' got me to chuckle a little bit, because of implication that Micolash is such a cryptid you don't even know anymore with him x)

But yeah, I get you... Not just that, but also even if you factor Gascoigne, Maria, Henryk, aggroed younger Madaras twin or some other hostile hunters our character could have slain before Micolash - in all of those cases it'd be self-defence! Micolash is the one human character paleblood hunter fights that feels not like self-defence, nor there is a clear enough message of 'you should kill them to pass this area' (it is only clear for the player, not for the character). Like... They just find the weird man that might have done All That Shit, go like 'YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!' and then chase him and kill him. Your idea that instead of killing quickly and precisely they'd go completely rabid on the guy is like... not a bad one? The dilemma of 'this man was fucked up, but is this worth losing my humanity?' is great too 👌

Hmmmmm I also promised a mistranslation bit per ask for now, so hmmmm what do I share... TIME TO SPIN THE WHEEL

DID YOU KNOW!!!!!!! DID YOU KNOW THAT!!!!????? In Japanese original, 'Sage's Hair' item is Skull of a Saint!!!!!!? Same for 'Sage's Wrist' - it is 'Saint's Wrist'! *slaps knee*

Healing Church's saints were STYLISH fsdhhfdsdf I think it totally works - crowning a saint would definitely not be outside of realm of possibility, especially since they're responsible for exterminating Cainhurst, former powerful structure! I always felt like since that, Yharnam became theocracy... But closer towards Emilia/Amelia's vicar stage, it is way more like anarchy.

[survivalistghost]

the fabulous

just finished watching.

such a cute little drama. i was attracted to it because of a singular clip on youtube when ji eun is comforting joseph while woo min laughs.

i. the centre point of the drama which COMPLETELY made it my favourite was the friendships. even tho joseph and ppyoji were a segment and seon ho and woo min the other, they all complimented each other so well. perfectly showed the dynamics of a four-people friend group where two people are closer to each other. but it didn't deter seon ho and ji eun to be so close to each other, nor did it stop joseph and woo min to love each other.

another thing about friendships is the love between boss and employee, ms oh and ji eun, mr do and woo min, joseph and esther.

the friendships of joseph and ji eun was so comforting, them being each other's hype men and always there. seon ho and woo min was personally very attached to me because of the nature of call out friendships mixed with the same rough affection we all have.

ii. i am SO glad kdramas have moved on from the 'toxic parents' trope. i am so sick of seeing unsupportive parents and fathers who try to hide their emotions while the mother slyly tells the daughter who is shedding a tear. seon ho's parents were so fucking supportive and open about it. and joseph's mother, in the first ep, i thought she was going to be the airhead mother who's just...there. but she really is his biggest hype(wo)man and supporter.

iii. the thing that did bug me was when ji eun slept with woo min in the first ep despite being in a relationship with nam jin at the time. seeing how it was never discussed again i thought maybe i was mistaken but...idk. still bothers me a bit.

iv. but apart from that, THE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THEM was so fucking charged. like, in the first ep, during the pub scene, you could literally feel the sparks in between them. even if it was a little predictable, we dont watch kdramas like these for the slice of life it offers, but rather a feeling of comfort.

v. seon ho. my woman. what a fucking badass. the way she stood up for those models? bad ass. also she's so fucking pretty.

ps - the side plot of do young was so weird and unnecessary did not get it. except when he showed that album to ji eun.

pss - may everyone get a friend like esther amen.

[cyanrendipity]

Emperor and Empress defeated in P3RE so now I get to write my thoughts✌️

Under the cut cause I talk too much

So I finally got to see my first two linked events! It was very cute hanging out with Junpei and also super funny you have the options to just be terribly rude to him LMAO

I hated Junpei on my first FES playthrough but I'm glad they made him more and more likeable with each iteration, it was the dancing game that warmed me up to him actually, I never actually played just watched the dances, but the way he dances is so cute 😭 I shouldn't yap about the dancing games or else I'll never shut up but I LOVE how much personality each choreography gives the characters.

Anyway Akihiko's linked event also very nice! I don't remember seeing him grapple much with that side of always being ogled by other people against his wishes, usually he was just played as a Jotaro-esque "girls are annoying" popular guy. I love him.

I'm really glad they added these linked events to the game, since one of the biggest weaknesses from Persona 3 compared to 4 and 5 is that your teammates don't really feel like a friend group like they do in the other 2, I never felt like they *had* to be as buddy buddy as the investigation team or the phantom thieves but being able to feel closer to them is definitely good (especially since the games does talk about bonds a lot while only letting you further your bonds with the female teammates, and it having to be romantic, very annoying) after my first playthrough I mostly had undying affection for the social links I picked rather than the main characters, I only started liking the teamates more later on (Minus Aigis I was obsessed with Aigis from the start but what can I do it's a robot girl and her social link is amazing).

Back to complaining the new sprites continue to bother me, Akinaki my beloved finally showed up but I feel like he was a little yassified 😔 It's weird cause I really miss how upsetting the old art was, the angles of the faces always made me uncomfortable cause it's so unnatural but now I miss that feeling of upset especially when looking at him.

I keep seeing people praise the new art so it's probably nostalgia, but still!!!! Feels like it lost some of it's personality (Objectively I do now the new sprites are better)

Oh but the 3d is so good! At first I thought it was strange the cutscenes were with the 3d models instead of anime but I got used to it pretty fast, they're very good! I love being able to see the characters emoting compared to the simple ps2 graphics (which were very cute but very limited)

The gameplay tho keeps surprising me with just how easy everything is, I know the original game was unnecessarily complicated with bad frustrating game design but I feel like this is an overcorrection? The fight against the empress and emperor shadows was so simplified?? They used to change weaknesses so we had to keep asking Fuuka for an update but I guess now that they gave her SP like Futaba they had to keep it at one time?? Even the mini bosses felt harder to defeat and more complex than the actual boss. The function to switch to another teammate that they borrowed from Persona 5 also makes it way too easy 😔Maybe I should have just gone for merciless instead of hard but it seemed like a bother.

I think that's it? oh yeah the study group events were also SUPER CUTE AKIHIKO MY MAN WHATS WRONG WITH YOU

10/10