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midlisacrisis-blog · 7 years ago

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dear future daughter,

there’s this girl that means a lot to me in my life right now. her name is j. or at least, that’s what i’ve been calling her for the past 6 years that i’ve known her. she and i never thought we’d be this close. we started off being asked by our english partners to switch seats with us so they could sit next to each other. i, not really minding at all because i knew no one anyway, sat down beside j and continued to stare at my notebook in front of me out of shyness for the rest of the term. we eventually became friends after she remarked on one of my class time sketches. lesson no. 1#: compliments are always nice.

who knew that we would be here, that we would spend multiple nights of the first two weeks of her getting her license, driving around the city, to nearly closing cafes in the late hours of the night. who knew that i would call her one of my dearest, best friends.

see, the other night- my darling daughter-, i had the worst feeling in my body. j and i had planned and started sorting out our 4 month global volunteering trip to europe together. we had started planning since around april. we were both so...so fucking excited. but, you see, your grandparents; they have always been against taking a gap year, doing anything outside of what our other family members have always done. go to school, graduate with a high scoring diploma, go to a good uni, get a degree, work. so, like the organised person you know i am, i started piping up this idea about a volunteering gap semester to your grandparents for a couple of months, to get them gradually into the idea. we had finally gotten to the stage of semi-understanding each other a couple of weeks ago.

but two nights ago, your grandparents, after months of multiple discussions and angry storming outs and crying and so so so much negativity, your grandparents told me that i could and would definitely not embark on the journey j and i had cultivated. your grandmother was crying while your grandfather stumbled out words so affectionate, so unknown to my ears. “Lisa, you can hate me now, but...but you’re my only daughter...”, “I haven’t been able to sleep for these past weeks, I have nightmares of what could happen to you..”, “What if you are hurting? How can we get to you when you need us? ...” I looked at them. Neither were looking at me, both had their faces to the ground. They were broken. And so I broke with them.

I cried for the rest of that night.

The next day, for the first time in 2 years, I took a day off school because I didn’t feel like it.

I spent the entire day reflecting. I walked with Yumi around the entire lake. 6.6 kilometres of music, fresh winter air and observing what people actually did during the time I’d be stuck in class all day. It was faint hearted, but it was what i needed. I had to tell j about it. about my removal from the program, about how sorry and sorry and sorry and sorry i was. I felt so sick.

J came around the house at about 8:30pm. your grandparents went upstairs so we could have privacy for when i told her. We didn’t end up setting foot in my house. I just got into her car, and we sat in my driveway for half an hour. I told her. I cried. She held my forearm. We sat in silence for what seemed like those lost four months. I cried. I didn’t know humans could cry that much in such a short period of time. How the fuck do our tear ducts handle that?

after i had said everything i needed to say, and everything i needed to do, i asked her, “Do you know where the closest mountain is?”

We drove to Black Mountain, where Telstra Tower is. we got out of the car, I walked around for a bit, before screaming “FUCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!” to the expanse of city lights filled with people and people and more people, living their lives, feeling their emotions, feeding their kids, working, gyming, watching a film as a family together. They were all just specks though. They were all just lights.

It was sudden, it was exhilarating, it was what i needed. it was also so fucking cold up there, j and i huddled together, looking over the mountain at the city skyline.

then,

we heard other people screaming.

there was multiple people, maybe 3 or 4 of them, all screaming at different tones, different octaves. J and i smiled at each other. We had the same idea in mind. We started screaming louder.

J suddenly started making wolf noises....and they replied. “AAAAAOOOOOOOOOHH!!!!” I joined in. Our wolf pack of miscellaneous and unknown members cried so loudly that night. It was one of the most memorable things I’ve ever experienced, surely something i hope i will never forget.

All i could think of was what /they/ were screaming about. And i’m kinda glad i don’t know, and will never know who they are. I could walk past them in the street, and never even know it. they could serve me at an italian restaurant on a rainy night, and I would never know it was them. but on that night, we were all feeling pain. we were all frustrated, angry, emotional. and we let the world know.

we let the world know that it’s okay to be anything. to experience and not experience anything. to feel anything.

and i think on that night, on that mountain, that moment after we howled our last painful sorrows, J and I smiled at each other. The type of shit-eating grins that took up half of our faces. We were there.

And we are here.

I love you J, with all my 17 year old platonic heart. Thank you for being my family.

l.l

i wonder if I had ever told you stories about j and our adventures before you read this, future daughter. tell me, when we are there, on some mountain together in the middle of the night, with a tainted view of the city skyline. I’ll tell you everything.

#j #dearfuturedaughter

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burn-this-world · 6 years ago

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The apology I never sent:

To: Her

From: Me

Subject: Don’t freak out. This is a good this, I swear!

(Im sending this with the assumption the email address will go to spam like you had it set before. If it hasn’t; or your reading this because you looked in the folder, then I’m sorry this is long...

I hope you can smile by the end of it. Please read it before you decide what to do. I know it’s a breach of the dvo, and there is nothing that will follow this. Please don’t take offence.)

Hi, Dana,

It’s been a while, a long long while, don’t freak out please. I have the best intentions.

One sentence tldr: I am doing great, I’m not that person anymore, and I have moved on as a much better person because of it, and just needed to apologise for the pain I caused when I broke down, to feel at peace with my growth and like a good person again.

Look, I know this is probably too soon, and what you do with the email is completely up to you. Im really hoping enough time has passed that this will be okay... I know you have a whole different life now, and so do I, and I will continue to respect your space and this distance. I’m not here to disrupt your new path, cause any fear, or change your mind, hear me out.

These last few month have been some of the best of my life. I feel like a happy, healthy, well-regulated person for the first time in my life. I hadn’t thought about you in months.

After I read your affidavit at court that day, it made me see how toxic I was and how not okay my actions toward you were. It made me so ashamed that it forced me to take accountability for fixing myself and my life.

I feel like I’ve made so much progress to being the best me possible and loving myself for the first time ever. The final item to cross off the list and truly close that chapter, is to apologise to you for what I did. That is all really. I have also written the entire story behind it as to hopefully fully explain my thinking of taking this stupid stupid stupid risk of sending this apology. So here goes;

I hope you’re happy, I truly, honestly do. There is no jealousy or hate in my words. When I hit rock bottom, reading your affidavit was a painful truth. Ever since then, i became determined to bounce back, better and stronger than before, and never ever be that manipulative, unstable, abusive, dependant asshole again. I’m proud of how far I’ve come in keeping that word to myself.

Im not trying to be apart of your life with this, that is not the point of what I’m trying to say. It’s to say I’ve come so far healing, that if I re-lived the breakup as strong as I am now, I would high five you whenever you had had decided to tell me about that night, like the friend I said I’d be would have done. And I suppose that’s the point of this, it is not to you my ex-girlfriend, it is to you my ex-best friend.

I would have been more supportive of your decision and not the jealous, emotional and abusive way I was. I am honestly happy for you, whatever you’re up to. I’m sure you’re doing big things, and I wish nothing but the best for your future, I know you’ll kill it.

You breaking things off was the best decision for both of our sakes, and I’m thankful you were storing enough to do it. I mean, sure... it does suck a little that I ruined us being able to be friends... but from it I learned to be a better person, so it wasn’t for nothing. I’m better focused on the whole picture of my life, and so driven to succeed at it, with happiness. I’ve stopped letting a small moment that everyone goes through(and better than I did) hold me back.

I know a lot happened that is probably unforgivable, and I know I made your life harder than it should have ever been, and I regret that a lot... I said and did some shameful things, but please know that is not who I am any more. I am somebody to be proud of. And, as jealous and mad as I was towards Kurt, I am happy you guys found each other and have lasted, honestly. Congratulations on one year.

As much as my friends say it shouldn’t be any of your business where I’m at, a bit of me still kind’ve thinks you might care that I’m doing well too, and that I am doing so much better with my mental health. You always cared through everything, even as I was horrible.

I need you to know I’m not that scary person anymore, and I really really don’t want you to remember me like that. I’ve never been able to say this before in my life, but I am finally honestly happy and proud of where I am. I’m a new person, one at peace, one who will not try and talk to you if see me, or try and get your attention with stupid shit. One who has truly moved on, free of my mental instability.

I took responsibility for learning to be better from my actions, and I’m now ready to move out on my very own, and cant still buy a new car. I religiously go to the gym, and play golf every weekend. I even quit smoking and gambling, as well as drugs, and cut down alcohol, I even started playing music again! It took a year of therapy, and several books, and month of work. But I did get better.

I’m proud of my progress, and I hope you can be to. I feel better than I ever have, I feel unstoppable. I learnt to love myself, and understand my mind, before trying to love anyone else, and I think I’ve finally found happiness with that. I’m ready to be a part of the world again; and this is me stepping into it again.

I expected me to take longer to get to this point, but here I am, and the last step to my “bounce back” plan is to say thank you:

Thank you for everything you did for me. Like when you went looking for me and stayed with me at hospital, and thank you for always worrying about my feelings and wanting the best for me. I never showed it at the time, but I really do appreciate everything you did for me. All the care you showed me. I am so sorry for how I treated you and for how I took advantage of your caring nature and pushed you as far as I did. I was so toxic and abusive, and I wish I could change that. I wish I was never the reason you shed a tear, or made you fear an order was the only way to feel safe. That was not fair to you at, and I’m so sorry. I will never put another woman through that again.

I let myself get out of control and emotionally unstable, and let myself give up, and nothing I did was at all okay, but...living through it has made me learn so much about stopping myself ever being like that again, so it wasn’t for nothing in the endZ

In hindsight, I am so grateful for everything you did for me, you truly are one of the kindest caring people I’ve ever met, and I’m thankful to have met you.

Not that it matters now but, I really didn’t know you couldn’t block my email address. That’s my mistake.

—————

I’m really really hoping there has been enough time and space to make this okay. There’s honestly no pressure for you to reply, it’s all good, but I really hope you could find it to trust that there is nothing more coming, and not tell the police. I really don’t want to breach my probation, which this is, and I really want them to let me go to America this year. I fully intend to follow the dv rules from here on out, i just needed you to have the apology you deserve.

I hope you are at a happy place now too and can appreciate this apology, and hopefully smile at the fact. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

I wish you all the best, and if you tell Kurt about this, please also tell him I’m sorry for trying to punch him that time. From what I’ve been told he’s a really nice guy, and I really am glad you found someone that makes you happy. Also, I’m sorry you got hurt in the crossfire of that punch. I would never intentionally hit you, and even accidentally doing so makes me sick to the stomach with disgust. I regret that night so much. I wish you both nothing but good luck and happiness, honestly. I have nothing but support for you guys.

I’m going back to not thinking about you now, don’t worry about that. All I needed was make it right, and this was it. You don’t need to respond, that is not the point. I will not be following this up with anything else, you have my word. I haven’t in 12 months, I can do it again.

(I know I’ve said things like this before, but this time is different. I hope I conveyed this in exactly the right way to make sure my good intention isn’t misconstrued.)

Best of luck with everything in your future, Dana. I hope you find what you’re looking for, whatever that is. I hope you kill it at life.

Peacefully, with kind regards,

An older, wiser, not-so-crazy-anymore old-friend.

“Please, God, may she smile from this.” - wrth

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P.S

I make a lot of money now, I’m a business development manager for Telstra now, and I have that money I said I’d pay you back set aside waiting. If you ever need it, someone can tell me where to transfer it and it’s done.

I hope you saw Eden. It was awesome.

Don’t forget, new Buzzfeed Unsolved was released this weekend.

Katie let slip you spoke to her, also. I don’t care, but I don’t want the same thing to happen as what has with her. When she saw me she was so scared that I was going to hit someone or get angry, even saying “that’s not my boyfriend” out of nowhere. It absolutely broke my heart to see what I did to her. I don’t want you to be like that if you see me. Please just know; if you see me, I will run away,. I’m not going to go anywhere near you, and I’m certainly not gonna start a fight. I am not threat.

I do hope some day you might be able to unblock me, or catch up for smashed avo and coffee at wheelhouse, no talk about what happened. That would be nice. It would be nice to see how far you’ve come, how things are, whats been achieved. Hopefully when there’s been enough time, we can laugh about it all.

Sorry for writing so much. I have written this apology 100 different times in the last week, trying to keep it short with the perfect words as to stay out of legal trouble. You know how I try and over explain things...

I tried religion eventually, like you suggested. I even prayed a few times. It wasn’t for for me, but I hope he’s on my side tonight that this works out as I’ve explained above. Not with any problems.

Apologies to all those caught in my line of fire. I don’t hate any of you, and I don’t have any bad feelings about it, so don’t worry about me if you run into me, I’ll just blend into the background.

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naturalharvestecology · 6 years ago

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As you all know, I'm a big user of digital technology. I'm also very mobile in rural and remote Australia. Victoria between the Grampians and the 90 mile beach is generally spoilt when it comes to mobile reception, but having travelled through Tasmania, New South Wales and Queensland I can tell you that mobile reception across most of rural Australia is patchy or non-existent. As I was walking past the Telstra Shop I saw this new 4G modem/wireless router, the Netgear Nighthawk M2. I have used the Nighthawk M1 for two years now, but my $70 20Gb plan was just nowhere near enough with my heavy use of podcasts, Spotify, photos, content creation and CPD activities. The new model is twice as fast (2 gigabit download speeds) and provides me with 90Gb a month for just $89. I've decided to experiment with external antennas. The modem has two antenna ports in addition to the internal antenna, so three antennas in total. Importantly, it only uses whichever antenna provides the best signal. You may think that bigger is better, but in the mountain areas the long high gain antenna may not work better than the internal antenna due to the very directional beam. The tall 7dBi gain means a relatively flat, horizontal signal path, good for flatter country and long range, for the outback and the plains. The much shorter 5dBi antenna has a broader signal which is more suited to radiating up and down to the base. This is the better antenna for the mountains and highlands. So what are the benefits of an external antenna? 1. Getting the antenna outside the car as the metal panels of the car attenuate the signal. 2. Increased range from the base? Possibly, but in reality it may not be more than a few kilometres. 3. A stronger signal when you come in range, speeding up data transfer rates. 4. More likelihood of a momentary usable signal driving through undulating or mountain country, thereby receiving messages and updating the information on Google maps! (I love the satellite view as I drive through unknown country!) 5. If I have a f-up that leaves me stranded, I'd be glad of the investment in a high gain antenna! The two antennas and adaptors set me back $150. (at Port Douglas) https://www.instagram.com/naturalharvest/p/BuhxfmdBIUz/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1wdvooffwp3ee

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closeted-goth · 7 years ago

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Hello I did things today. And things happened today. Things that weren’t me just sitting on my ass watching Monk for ten hours (though I did do that for about two hours XD).

Thing one: I went to the shops. I... I got some photos printed. And made a little photo album. Mostly with photos I’ve taken 2015 to 2017. It was actually really fun. I think I wanna make this a thing. Like, a hobby thing. Cuz I don’t really have a hobby. And tbh I kinda like my photos. Maybe because I don’t feel any pressure for them to be “good”. I just take photos of things that I see that I’m like “hey that’s nice” towards. And ya know, having a little album with a bunch of those photos in that I can look back at, it’s coolio. I think I’ll make photo albums of my Japan trips next (because somehow I’ve never got any of those photos printed)!

Thing two: Okay I didn’t really do this, it just happened. We’ve been getting weird-ass phone calls all day. From a private number (so ya know, rip caller ID). I assume it was the same person all day cuz it was the same thing every time. The phone would ring, I’d run and pick it up, “hello this is james, to whom would I be speaking?” Then there’d be like, a couple seconds of background noise (from their end), I’d say “hello? anyone there?” and they’d hang up. Though I am pretty sure I heard someone say hello back, before the hang-up the last time they rang. Like, I’m glad there wasn’t any heavy breathing or anything, but I dunno it was still weird. Like legit we got seven calls. We barely ever get one call. I mean hell our phone’s been disconnected for like three weeks (thanks to telstra diverting our line god knows why) and we didn’t even get a single call during that period. But yeah we’ve been getting absolutely hounded today. I mean realistically, how many times can someone legit call a wrong number? I feel like after the second time they could’ve been like “okay I definitely don’t know who this person answering the phone is maybe I should check I’m dialing the right number”? Either that or I’m going to die in seven days or some shit.

Thing three: Writing! Yes I’ve started writing about shit again. And by shit I mean music of course. Last year I went pure self-indulgent bullshit nonsense guff with the album reviews on my top ten of the year list. This year I’m taking a different approach! No more than 150 words per album. And honestly it’s amazing what you can get out of limiting yourself / being hella fucking blunt. Also on a slightly related note, new Smith Street. A little bit meh? Anyone? I feel like I may be the only one who’s a bit underwhelmed by it. Like, Forrest through Shine are pretty great but the last couple of songs are just a bit unmemorable? Idk it just seems like everyone was super hype about it and super into it and I’m just like... eh it’s okay, not as good as Throw Me in the River tbh.

#random rambles #nonsense and the such

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rueur · 4 years ago

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Morning Pages No. 60

Sunday 23rd August - 5:30pm

I left yesterday’s entry at almost three or four lines away from the end of the third page, because work just got crazy busy and before I knew it, it was 5pm and I got to head home. Evan and I skipped the family zoom call last night too, I mean the Sarah’s People zoom call. It was Nichole’s time to host and I felt a bit bad about it, especially when Amy messaged about an hour after us saying that she wasn’t going to make it last night either. The way I saw it though, was I was working like crazy and I didn’t want to be too tired for Sarah’s meditation session that was scheduled for this morning. We ended up attending Sarah’s meditation, and Nichole, Courtney, and Amy all weren’t in attendance. I feel as though maybe they would’ve attended the 4:30pm yin yoga class that was scheduled by Shannon, Sarah’s yoga teacher mate, so they still got to experience a bit of positivity and zen today. I do genuinely feel bad about missing the zoom session last night, but part of me also feels like Nichole doesn’t really care either way whether we’re there or not. More specifically, I suppose whether I’m there or not. I get the sense that I’m not her favourite person and it’s difficult for me to say that, even to myself. I feel as though I have a bit of a complex with her after Dan lived with us. We were always around each other for a good chunk of last year, and I just never felt like we clicked in all that time. She gets on really well with Amy and I’m really glad for that, though. I’m glad she has a friend in our group, even if it isn’t me, and I do mean that.

Honestly though, I’ve just been enjoying how much Sarah is in my life right now. She’s only ever been a great source of friendship and inspiration for me, and this rings true through this 21 Day challenge. I felt a bit off during the meditation session she hosted this morning, I mean I couldn’t be as sociable as I wanted to be on camera, which was a bit regretful for me. I couldn’t really talk to Braden and I SO WANTED TO. I miss Braden. I think he’s a really cool person, and I am looking forward to hanging out with him in future. AND ALF. I miss Alf so much. I feel like Alf just got me. Oh my lord, I want to do MD with all these people again. If our house was in any way both comfy and accessible, I’d have people over here as soon as humanly possible. I’m cherishing what we have left of lockdown, because I can recognise this time as a valuable resource for young people like me, who are trying to get a certain aspect of their lives up and running, i.e. career stuff or setting up good habits for the sake of good health and longevity. But I can still appreciate this time AND wish that it will come to a swift end before the summer. I don’t want to spend the holidays like this. I believe it’ll crush me. I’ve been singing Christmas carols kind of incessantly, but Evan’s found it endearing, thank the heavenly lord almighty. I’m starting to feel, though, that my singing Christmas carols is getting a bit foreboding, like maybe I’m celebrating Christmas in my head all year round because there’s not going to be an actual Christmas this year. I need to get Wren a birthday present. I’m waiting on my cross-stitch order to come in. I’m really excited to get that started. But I also want to keep the hoops, so I think I might frame the finished hot air balloon cross-stitch. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find a good frame somewhere right now.

I also want to talk to Malith. I’ve been wanting to call him for the past week, but the time just keeps getting away from me. Maybe I should give him a ring tonight after my class with Bindee. We’ll most likely be finishing Romeo & Juliet tonight, and the class will most likely be going overtime again, but I’m okay with that. I just hope Malith will be. We’ll see if we can fit a conversation in at some point today. I should charge my phone...it’s losing battery quite quickly now. It's been approaching two years since I bought this phone, so I believe an upgrade may be in order soon. Definitely outright. I don’t want to be paying for a plan or anything, I mean this broadband plan is more than enough as it is. I’m paying $90 a month for unlimited internet on the nbn, and it’s been doing my head in, especially through lockdown. Not only has Telstra given other customers on the 500GB limit plan unlimited data during the lockdown because everyone’s home now, but they’ve also given absolutely no extras to the people who are ALREADY PAYING FOR UNLIMITED DATA. And the internet is still pretty shitty, like I have to use my mobile data on a near-daily basis. I had all this Belong data banked up and it’s just been dwindling away, to the point where I know I’ll inevitably have to be bumped back up to the 10GB a month plan and not the 1GB plan I’ve been on for the bulk of the year. I don’t want to pay an extra $15 a month though, screw that noise. I’m a tight arse, eh?

I just got a text from Sam, Wren’s partner. I sold them an Asus R17 gaming laptop and a Logitech G502 Hero mouse yesterday via the phone sales app, so they’ve been pretty grateful for that. They just sent me a photo of the stuff on their bed. This part of my job is by far the only part that keeps me going. I get to help people, I get to save them money, and people feel genuinely grateful towards me and my position. Sales can be weird and selfish and TERRITORIAL at the worst of times, but at the best of times I do get to feel like the empath I am. I do get to feel like I’m in a place where I can actually do good and feel good.

It’s surprising how much faster I’m getting through these pages than I was through yesterday’s. I’m at home, and I’m just sitting here in the dark at my place at the head of the dining table, in front of the fireplace and in front of my whiteboard. The window is to my right, and the trees across the road are waving slightly to and fro in the breeze. Michael the mannequin is staring off into the distance and having a good old time, and Nicky is to my left on the green couch that’s followed Evan across the plains of time and space, sleeping on his electric blue and pink-padded Nike jacket. It’s clearly an incredibly warm jumper, and that’s why this cat is constantly on top of it or sandwiched inside it. We mentioned Nicky quite a bit in a family zoom call Evan and I have just finished up with, and this time with the actual family too. Christina, Barney, Mundell, Evan, and I were chatting from about 4pm till a bit before 5:30pm, and when that finished up, I decided it was about time that I do my pages for the day. I put it off this morning because I was still feeling tired, and I figured it might be best if I write directly after meditation. But that never happened and we ended up watching the rest of Season 5 of New Girl instead. Now we’re up to Season 6 and I’ve rapidly come to realise that the last season is only 6 or 7 episodes...or 8...long, so Season 6 is BASICALLY the last season and I am pumped. Of course, I already know it ends with Nick and Jess getting together, but I want to see it unfold in front of me and I want to see it now, so I don’t have to watch TV all the time anymore, even though I know that I will still always be watching TV when I’m not doing work or walking Lonzo, because it’s a surefire way of getting my dumb ass overactive brain to shut the fuck down. I’m worried about how much I’ve been working lately, and usually for such a little reward. And I thought I would be doing more work on the website today, but I don’t think that’s going to happen now anyway. I need to give myself a bit of a break, even though I have Bindee in about an hour. It’ll most likely be less than an hour once I finish these pages up. Or perhaps not, I’m actually making some pretty good progress right now.

I don’t know what to say right now, I don’t know what I’m thinking. I’m thinking maybe about Penny, my Abundance Accountability Buddy. She said her mum had to go to the hospital and that’s why she couldn’t reply to me over the weekend. I also found out a little bit more about her through the introduction that Sarah posted in the 21 Days discussion page. Apparently she’s an occupational therapist! And she did martial arts with Sarah too. Sarah wrote that she has ‘super powers’ in her prelude to Penny’s personally penned introduction. I love the alliteration I did there, that was epic. I am enjoying flexing my writerly muscles here and there. Teaching has been fun as of late. I’m set to make about $110 from teaching this week, because I had Dinel & Seni, Dinel, and Bindee. $50 + $30 + $30. All the littlies. Dinel had an extra class organised on Friday to help out with some debate prep. He��s joined the school’s debate team and his first topic is ‘bottled water should be banned’. Thankfully he’s on the affirmative team, so the arguments were quite easy to put together, and I feel like he’s gotten the hang of debating rather quickly. The issue is that the school isn’t using the RIGHT debate structure, like the first speaker isn’t considered the ‘leader’, and the third speaker has to do all the rebuttals AND the concluding statement, which just isn’t right. The first speaker should both open and close, so the brunt of the work doesn’t fall to the poor third speaker. I’m not too fussed about this, though. I mean, Dinel’s first debate tournament will be over zoom anyway, which sounds like it’ll be an...experience. I’m not sure. I want another cat. But I also do not. I want a house.

Christina and Barney spoke about us potentially buying a house briefly today. They seem glad that it’s a goal we’ve clearly set for ourselves at this young point in our lives. I’m hopeful that with another few years of hard work and saving like crazy, we’ll be able to realise this dream. Newfound dream for Evan, but a bit of a lifelong one for me. It’s been 5:59pm for ages now. I’m just watching the clock on the bottom of my screen and waiting...it went to 6pm finally. I swear that when I started this paragraph, it had been 5:59 for a whole three minutes. It was an age. I’ve been typing for about a half hour now, which means I can do around ten minutes per page. That’s not half bad, but I don’t want to start every day off with a half hour of writing. I just question the sustainability of this practice. Maybe I should bring it down to two...FUCK. I told myself I wouldn’t do this until at least after the 21 Days. It’s day 7. I’ve made it this far. I can wait another two weeks before I reassess. That being said, I’m ending this here. I’m going to start getting ready for Bindee. Just reached page 4 anyhow.

#streamofconsciousness #morningpages #60 #artistsway #teaching #zoom

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tortuga-aak · 7 years ago

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Richard Branson remembers the time he let a helicopter drag him across Sydney Harbor by bungee cord for a publicity stunt — and nearly ran face-first into a bridge

Tony Woolliscroft/Getty

In the following excerpt from "Finding My Virginity," Richard Branson recounts his experience during one of Virgin Mobile's publicity stunts.

In 2000, he was tied to a helicopter by bungee cord and flew 100 feet below it across the Sydney Harbor.

Mid-flight, he realized he was headed straight toward the side of the bridge.

Just when he thought he would smack into it and die, the helicopter lifted him up at the last second.

Sometimes the publicity stunts we pull can take even me by surprise. That was the case with the launch of Virgin Mobile in Australia.

By November 2000, Virgin Mobile UK had more than 500,000 customers and scooped Mobile Choice's Network of the Year award (not bad, since we didn't actually have a network!). As the Aussie public had embraced our airline so quickly, it made sense to strike while the iron was hot and launch a second mobile company down under.

As in Britain, we found an established company, Optus, and agreed on a partnership using their network infrastructure and Virgin's branding and customer experience. And, as with the launch of Virgin Mobile in the UK, we wanted an event to get people talking.

The first inkling I got that something unusual was going on was when I was picked up from my hotel, the Holiday Inn in Potts Point, Sydney. I got into a car with chief marketing officer Jean Oelwang, Peter Beikmanis and Catherine Salway for a briefing. I presumed we would be driving to the harbor, but instead we started heading out of the city and into the countryside.

"I thought we were going to do the launch next to Sydney Harbor," I said.

"Erm, yes, we are," said Jean, a little too nervously.

As the others in the car exchanged sideways looks, I could tell something was up. The next thing I knew we had arrived in an empty field. It seemed an unusual and unpopulated venue for a business launch. Then I heard the whupp-whupp-whupp of helicopter blades. That made more sense. I stood back in the full force of the wind as the helicopter landed next to the car.

"I think I get the picture." I was about to climb into the helicopter when Jean pulled me to one side.

"Richard, we probably should have told you this earlier."

Jean stood back as one of the helicopter crew put a harness on me. "You're not actually going in the helicopter. You're going to fly a hundred feet under it."

That was a new one! I could feel my heart beginning to thump, but nothing ventured and all that. The helicopter crew told me to lie flat on the ground. As I lay down in the soft warmth of the grass, I could feel a bungee rope being attached to my waist.

Courtesy of Richard Branson/Penguin Random House

"Keep still," I was told. "Keep your head down." As I lay there I could hear the blades whirr into action. I was just wondering what Joan would make of my current predicament when, with a jerk, I was lifted off the ground.

As I went up I spun around and around uncontrollably fast. I tried to get myself into a skydiving position—arms and legs spread-eagled. My face had a fixed expression somewhere between bemusement and, I suspect, terror. Probably closer to terror, thinking about it.

Finally, I got the hang of it, and now we were really moving. I was flying forward through the air, 100 feet below the helicopter at a rapid rate.

Over the years, I have often had dreams where I am flapping my arms and flying. Sometimes I soar around Necker, smelling the ocean air.

Other times I fly up into space, looking down at the pale blue dot of Earth.

Usually, however, I am looking down along Oxford Street, where our first Virgin Records store was, knowing that if I stopped I would crash. I swoop down, knock somebody's hat off and zoom back upward. Occasionally I wake up falling.

This was as close as I'd get to my dreams in reality. I've never had a more exhilarating experience in my life. I worked out that if I dropped my arm on either side I could even control my direction—to a certain extent. As we approached the city I began to enjoy myself, waving to confused-looking people far below, and feeling more like Peter Pan than ever before. This is what being a bird must feel like, I thought to myself.

The next thing I knew, the imposing structure of Sydney Harbor Bridge was approaching fast in front of me. I tried dropping my arms as I'd just taught myself, but it wasn't going to be enough. I tried shouting to the helicopter pilot to climb higher, but that was just as futile: there was no way he could hear me.

"Higher! Higher!" I shouted.

I'm going to hit the bridge. I was sure of it. What a way to go, I thought, zooming across the sky in a harness before, SPLAT! A face-first collision with one of Australia's most iconic constructions, like Wile E. Coyote in a Loony Tunes cartoon.

At what felt like the last possible second, the helicopter veered upward and I narrowly avoided becoming a permanent addition to the side of the bridge. I barely had time to catch my breath as we zipped across it, low enough for me to see the astonished expressions of the bridge walkers looking up.

Finally, we landed on top of a giant cage structure next to Sydney Opera House. I was bursting with adrenaline, pumped up after everything I'd just been through. Inside the cage people were dressed in the colors of all of our rivals—there were lots in Australia's highly competitive mobile market. They were wearing handcuffs to signify the long contracts they were locked into by the likes of Vodafone and Telstra, and singing, "Set us free! Set us free!" I set off some explosive bolts, the cage collapsed and the "customers" were freed.

"I thought I was a goner for a minute there," I told Jean afterward.

"I'm very glad you weren't," she said reassuringly. "We hadn't managed to get you insured!"

Excerpted from FINDING MY VIRGINITY: The New Autobiography by Richard Branson, now on sale from Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright © 2017 by Richard Branson.

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courtenaychung · 7 years ago

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Sydney, NSW, Australia

July 11-14, 2017

In my mind, this trip to Australia and New Zealand had three phases - Phase 1: Travelling with Alex, Phase 2: Solo, Phase 3: Meeting Old Friends. Here’s my recount of Phase 1, Part 1 - Sydney.

After a long but rather pleasant 15 hour direct flight from Vancouver to Sydney (in which I had a window seat with an empty seat beside me, yay!), Alex and I landed at Sydney’s Kingsford Smith airport and made our way by train to our hostel, Summer House Backpackers, by 9am (Travel Tip: Don’t take the train. The airport station is privately owned and something like $18 AUD to board/disembark at; take an Uber or pre-book a shuttle). It was too early to check in, however we were able to store our bags and shower before making our way into the CBD (Central Business District) where our first stop was Telstra to get Australian SIM cards. We wandered through the city (and walked, and walked, and walked.... 11.9 km to be exact), spotting the Opera House for the first time while we had a pizza lunch at Circular Quay. The 17 hour time change was hitting us pretty hard, so we stopped by Starbucks for a much needed caffeine boost on our way to the first free walking tour of the trip. As always, the tour took us through all the main sights of the city, with a healthy dose of Sydney’s history thrown in. One of the first things I noticed during the tour was the difference in the history and architecture - all the other walking tours I’ve done were in Europe, where there’s thousands of years of history, and the architecture to match. Australia is a relatively new country, not unlike Canada, so the settlement history only dates back about 250 years at most.

The historic Rocks neighbourhood, both of which were visited on the free walking tour.

The tour lasted about three hours, and finished at sunset on a hidden platform overlooking Sydney’s best known landmarks, the Opera House and Harbour Bridge. Exhausted after the long flight and a ton of walking, we made our way back to the hostel and went to sleep.

The iconic Harbour Bridge at sunset. If you look very close, you can see a group doing the bridge climb near the flag pole on the left.

The next day, our first full day in the city, we covered a lot of ground. After a free breakfast at the hostel (PB and J on toast), we hopped on a train to Olympic Park, which was the epicentre of events in the Sydney 2000 Olympic Summer Games. Alex and I are two of the most Olympic-obsessed people you will ever meet, but there wasn't much to do there, so we stayed for much less than the time it took to get there.

The Olympic Torch with ANZ Stadium in the background (Arsenal was playing here against an Australian team the next 2 days, so a huge set-up was underway).

As we trained back into Circular Quay, the sky grew steadily more grey and the rain began to fall, only getting worse as we boarded a ferry to Manly Beach. About half an hour later, we disembarked at Manly Beach, a cute little seaside neighbourhood where the main road is pedestrian-only and lined with restaurants and surf shops. The Corso runs straight from the ferry terminal to the wide, sandy beach. The grey skies and crashing waves made for a moody atmosphere, but it also meant that the area was much less busy than usual, and we almost had the beach to ourselves.

Manly Beach - in my opinion, way better than Bondi.

We had lunch at a cute little Mexican place on the water, then wandered through the shops to avoid the rain. Alex’s Dad sent her on a mission to find an identical pair of sandals to the ones he bought when they were in Australia nearly 10 years ago, and you’ll find that searching for the sandals was a reoccurring theme on the trip. One of the shop workers suggested we do the Manly to Shelly Beach walk, so when the rain took a break we started down the paved path. The walk provided some beautiful views, even with the dark clouds still hanging ominously above.

A colourful bench along the path to Shelly Beach.

Shelly Beach, a small, sandy cove a short walk from Manly.

Some kids playing on the shores of Shelly Beach.

On the walk back to Manly the rain was back in full force, making me extremely glad to have worn my rain coat. Manly was my favourite area that we visited in Sydney - it felt like a completely separate relaxed and chill beach town, even though it’s only a few minutes away from the city’s bustling CBD. We took the ferry back to the CBD around 5pm and were treated to cotton candy skies over the city skyline as the rain had begun to clear.

Vibrant skies over the famous Opera House and Sydney skyline as the Manly ferry made its way back to port.

Not wanting to call it a day quite yet, but also out of ideas, we made our way to Harbourside Mall at Darling Harbour. There we window shopped and unsuccessfully continued the sandal search, made reservations for activities for the next day, and treated ourselves to dinner at the Hard Rock Café (which was sub-par, and neither of us would recommend).

Our third and final day in Sydney was a full one with an early start, but we lucked out with a beautiful and warm, sunny day. We arrived at Sydney Tower Eye at 9am, where we booked the first Skywalk session of the day (our budget-friendly activity of choice instead of the extremely expensive Bridge Climb). We wandered around the observation deck at 250m elevation for a while, taking photos through the glass before donning a blue jumpsuit and waist harness for Skywalk. After a safety briefing and climbing some stairs, we exited with the guide and the group at 300m onto the outside track of the tower. We walked around the tower, sometimes with a glass floor (which moves, suspending you further over the city). The tour offered unobstructed 360 degree views for 80km, allowing us to see all the way to the Blue Mountains, so-called due to the blue haze that the plethora of eucalyptus trees there cause. Unfortunately but understandably cameras were not allowed on the actual Skywalk, but photos from the observation deck give an idea of how high the tower is.

Looking down onto the streets and towers of Sydney from the observation deck of Sydney Tower Eye - the tallest building in the city.

The Skywalk was really cool and unlike anything else I’ve done before, however it ran slightly long. Typically, I would be stoked to be getting a little more bang for my buck, except this time we had booked another tour immediately after the expected end of Skywalk. So, once we were out of our jumpsuits and had collected our belongings, Alex and I headed straight for the elevator and took to the ground running (literally). We arrived at Circular Quay sweaty and slightly worse for wear just in time for the start of our Sydney Opera House Tour. The tour took us underneath the sails, visiting 3 of the theatres, including the Concert Hall, where the Sydney Symphony Orchestra was rehearsing. The sound of the orchestra echoing through the hall gave me goosebumps and I found myself thinking “wow, I’m actually in Australia, in the Opera House.” It was a surreal moment and something I won’t be forgetting any time soon.

Inside the foyer of the Opera House. No photography is permitted inside the Concert Hall while people were on stage.

I was having some camera issues this trip and a lot of my shots didn’t quite work out, but I’m pretty happy that this one did.

Doing the Skywalk and the Opera House Tour in one day was a lot, but both were finished before noon and we still had so much more of the city to explore before we moved on to our next destination. After lunch at the MCA Café (on the rooftop of the Museum of Contemporary Art, just across the quay from the Opera House. It’s an experience in itself and I would absolutely recommend it, as the location offers sweeping views across the harbour and great food at reasonable prices) we hopped on bus 333 to Bondi Beach. There was a disorderly drunk man who sat directly behind us, making the ride extremely uncomfortable, so much so that we had to move seats to the other end of the bus. It was the only unpleasant moment of the entire trip, so we really can’t complain. Once at Bondi, I was struck by how different it is to Manly, and immediately knew that in the Bondi vs. Manly rivalry, I’m 100% Team Manly. Don’t get me wrong, Bondi is beautiful, but it felt much more touristy and less like a community. We walked along the beach, took photos, browsed shops and ate ice cream, taking it all in, before hopping back onto the bus back to our hostel where we packed our bags in anticipation for our early morning flight down to Tasmania.

Some shots from photogenic Bondi Beach. Kinda sad that my knee is still in rough shape so I couldn’t surf - I’ll just have to go back one day.

#travel #backpacking #australia

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amazingwylietravelsblog · 7 years ago

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Post Finke Adventure Day 4; Saturday 17th June

In dawn’s early light we got up to see the dawn over the lake. There was a beautiful pink and blue glow over the salt, but the best view would have been looking in the other direction. We were not well positioned for that, but still took plenty of shots in the cold. And boy, was it cold!!

Team M8s racing in the freezing dawn at Lake Eyre

Fiona rugged up against the cold for dawn photography at Lake Eyre Coffee tea and bikkies for breakfast then we all packed up and got going.

The campsite in early light.

We stopped at what we thought was a mound Spring on the road out of Lake Eyre, but decided it was a man made bore. There was some ducks too in the adjoining stream and pond.

Bore water oasis.

We stopped again at Beresford Dam/ railway siding but Ian and Rhonda carried on and we met up with them at Coward springs. For $2@ we had a dip in the spring which had a couple of powerful jets shooting out from the side and bottom. A nice hot salt bath to clean us all up.

Ian soaking at Coward Springs. A well needed wash!

From there we headed towards Marree where would separate, but first stopped by the roadside to look at a field of sculptures including a pair of Cessnas planted into the ground!

Ian and Fiona pretending to be Cessnas.

Roy with his new BFF sculpture

At Marree we filled up with fuel, looked at the closed Lake Eyre yacht club and the store which had great photos of Lake Eyre, then said our farewells to Ian and Rhonda before heading to Farina. The team partners headed separately home.

Soon after we passed a car on the dirt road whose driver got very upset and said lots of aggressive things on the radio- which we ignored. Unfortunately after we stopped for a variety of photos along the way he caught up with us at Farina and tried to engage with us but we drove off so he said more rude stuff on the radio, which we ignored again. Glad I'm not travelling with him. but it did sort of ruin our visit to Farina. From there, on to Leigh creek. As we went through Lindhurst we got Telstra 3G signal so were able to hop onto the Internet and book a cabin at Leigh creek. We arrived in time to hunt around trying to find the place but eventually stumbled upon it and were set up in a very nice, warm little cabin where we cooked our own meal with enough left over for another night.

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tortuga-aak · 7 years ago

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Richard Branson remembers the time he let a helicopter drag him across Sydney Harbor by bungee cord for a publicity stunt — and nearly ran face-first into a bridge

Tony Woolliscroft/Getty

In the following excerpt from "Finding My Virginity," Richard Branson recounts his experience during one of Virgin Mobile's publicity stunts.

In 2000, he was tied to a helicopter by bungee cord and flew 100 feet below it across the Sydney Harbor.

Mid-flight, he realized he was headed straight toward the side of the bridge.

Just when he thought he would smack into it and die, the helicopter lifted him up at the last second.

Sometimes the publicity stunts we pull can take even me by surprise. That was the case with the launch of Virgin Mobile in Australia.

"I thought we were going to do the launch next to Sydney Harbor," I said.

"Erm, yes, we are," said Jean, a little too nervously.

"I think I get the picture." I was about to climb into the helicopter when Jean pulled me to one side.

"Richard, we probably should have told you this earlier."

Jean stood back as one of the helicopter crew put a harness on me. "You're not actually going in the helicopter. You're going to fly a hundred feet under it."

Courtesy of Richard Branson/Penguin Random House

Finally, I got the hang of it, and now we were really moving. I was flying forward through the air, 100 feet below the helicopter at a rapid rate.

Over the years, I have often had dreams where I am flapping my arms and flying. Sometimes I soar around Necker, smelling the ocean air.

Other times I fly up into space, looking down at the pale blue dot of Earth.

"Higher! Higher!" I shouted.

"I thought I was a goner for a minute there," I told Jean afterward.

"I'm very glad you weren't," she said reassuringly. "We hadn't managed to get you insured!"

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