#given that i am autistic irl-

[hi-note]

new oc hours!

her name is emily. she doesnt talk, like— at all, ever. please be patient with her and try to understand what she means in the given moment. she’ll really appreciate if you take your time.

(my rant in tags below for easy access if this is perchance being seen from someone else’s reblog maybe idk—)

[delusionsofspace]

Wow Laios is actually severely autistic

I am not saying that as an insult, as I read this he isn't even just coded as such, he just is. It's actually really relatable (currently hes being yelled at for not being able to "read between the lines", poor guy)

I'm so fucking excited to see this animated actually, I wonder if they'll keep it true to the source material

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of your coming of age movie that never happens & your narrative non-narratives, shoutout to the arcs that’d be supposedly “worse” lmfao like posts about people-pleasers being like “i’m in my villain era” when it’s just consciously prioritizing themselves at all / noting when boundaries for their own wellbeing are being trampled, and the like. wherein i’m like, well i like talking to people i suppose, i can do the hours of monologue at a wall for one mode, got chatterbox mode, funny guy theatrical mode, etc, but in actuality also, i do not like talking to people lmao. the “yeah, that’s me” movie ending with another voiceover while upbeat music plays & you’re cheerfully walking along in 0.75x speed through some picturesque arena filled with socializing people like =) putting on headphones, turning up the volume, ignoring everyone, dodging people according to the berth one wants to maintain,

[aftermathing]

.

[sgiandubh]

Sasnak City - a different view

I will never encourage you enough to read the whole comments' thread of a post you liked. Otherwise, it's blink and you'll miss it, as I almost missed the only feedback of the Sasnak City event we have on this side of the spectrum: @rosfrank's. She graciously agreed to let me repost them and I truly thank her for the kindness.

Her comments were made under two different posts, so I collated them and vetted their content as much as I could, given the unprecedented context of the SAG-AFTRA strike and the scarcity of details. I did not watch the recap on Instagram, because I am not a fan of the format.

I had no idea Sasnak City was a consistent partner of the Camp Encourage for autistic children project. At least since 2020, as a very superficial Google search shows:

...in 2020, with RR...

... in 2022....

What is Camp Encourage?

This:

Do you have any idea of what it is to be the mother of an autistic child? I don't have this honor. I have never been through the stress and the pain of looking for the right solution, for the good therapist. I never had to swallow my impotent tears and fight with the angel, fruitlessly asking myself why did it happen to me.

I can assure you that career, money and the white picket fence house which mortgage you just paid off do not matter. Not when you wait dejected, with your well-garnished checkbook and no hope in sight, until the good doctor will finally see you. Not when your child is a desperately inaccessible fortress. Not when you tell yourself you just can't take it anymore and yet miraculously find out that yes, you eventually can, over and over and over again.

Before judging, you might want to take a moment.

Side note: the man who supposedly is not good with kids interacted with the organizer's autistic son. On stage (try and take an autistic person out of their comfort zone, anyone?). Oh. What an inconvenient truth, again.

Different figures circulate. I think this is pretty close to reality and also to the 'small and personal fan convention format'. Not sure it made anybody rich overnight, after you deduce all the costs - part of proceeds went to the above charity, anyways. Zealots would like more transparency, perhaps. With which moral authority?

Second bone of contention and a particularly unsavory one, at that, the disrespect of the SAG-AFTRA's strike rules:

What was I telling you, the other day?

As for the limbo, I cannot believe no one bothered to look around a bit for confirmation. On Facebook, for example:

They did their due diligence homework. This announcement was posted on July 14, 2023, with a solidarity with the strike hashtag to boot. Propaganda? Hypocrisy? Oh, give me a break. It is legally impeccable.

There you go. No mention of the show anywhere - check. Screened questions - check. Only the SS paraphernalia (pics, etc) supplied - check. Books still ok for autographs (at S's discretion to go ahead or not, which means SAG-AFTRA is ok with, by the way) - check. Make lemonade when life gives you lemons and 'be creative' - check.

Where is the problem? Why certain sleuthing skills suddenly vanish when it's about formulating a balanced, reasonable POV?

Let me guess. It's all about the "go away, ugly socks, your story sucks" syndrome. Oh.

You'd wish, duckies. You'd wish.

I am not these people's lawyer. Playing Atticus Finch completely ceased to interest me sometime around 1998 AD. I even doubt we can stand each other IRL, for reasons. But I am not discussing people, here. I am discussing and debunking a homespun web of self-righteous lies.

Thank you, @rosfrank. Your gesture was generous and very, very brave.

[punkeropercyjackson]

It's a whole thing the Pjo fandom just,dosen't want to Percy to actually be neurodivergent representation.There's the obvious worst part they won't even let him be autistic despite objectively being the most autistic-coded character in the whole franchise but there's also just as glaringly they have never let him defy neurodivergent stereotypes

He's smarter than Annabeth by virtue of being more emotionally mature and making better plans way quicker and unlike her this was in no way an inherentence so he could qualify as a legit ex-child genius but he's constantly getting called stupid for not fitting society's idea of what intellengence is due to sucking at school as a result of his symptoms and he's said he hates it many many MANY times in his narration and only dosen't speak out against it as per irl trauma like his he's been forced into believing he deserves it and given strong ass Impostor Syndrome and the fandom falls for it hook line and sinker cause Annabeth forcing herself into the role of Percy's girlfriend without his consent and even a moment of verbal rejection to her FACE that she spit back at him('I am never going to make things easy for you' is a fucking awful thing to say to an autistic person and that's why you'll never convince me book!Annabeth is autistic like Leahbeth,being a nerdy jerk with ego problems is NOT more autistic than EVERYTHING Percy's got going on right down to his character concept)and proceeding to treat him the same as ever but with corny kissing and promises of a future nuclear family cisheterosexual marriage living in a place that directly goes against Percy's lifelong wish for ANNABETH'S is proof his self-hatred is accurate as if she knows or likes him as a person on any level and vice versa seeing how he talks about her and never returns her romantic effort

There's no 'smart himbos' or 'not dumb but a dumbass',if y'all are such Annabeth stans then expend your vocabulary so you can be even bigger nerds that don't have to be nice to make friends cause that's what privilege is for and you get to speak over 'slow' autistics thanks to that too irl.Percy's also meant to defy 'neurodivergent people are total losers','neurodivergent people think and act like little kids no matter how old they are' and 'neurodivergent people only act rebellious for attention and to look good' by being the coolest character and this was backed up in dialogues and actions by Percy himself without even trying almost ever,he's a Team Parent to younger minorities but especially Nico and Hazel as a way of breaking the cycle of abuse and out of a mix of found eldest sibling and pseudo-parental love for them and to heal his inner child and he's pessimistic and highkey mean and ruthless but is an anarchist with awareness to what corruption is and how to fight it and DOES it unlike Luke's pedo propagandist poser ass and 'rebel' is NOT Percy,Percy is a PUNK,i.e,a minority who was radicalized by their experiences growing up in a system that hates them for being one and takes direct action and does activism and always stays noncomforming instead of selling out

So y'all deny his off the charts swag like it's gonna effect you negatively to appreciate him for it,mock his special interests(blue,the sea and pg media)because they're not trains or neo-liberalism filled fantasy books or whatever the fuck and don't let him have the canon ones you'd obsses over in an allistic character(alt music and childcare)and straight up call him mentally a little kid as mockery with Annabeth as his mommy gf and Jason as whatever the male equivalent is i ain't googling that shit and you can just drop that r slur you're holding back because that would somehow be LESS ableist and you won't even let him hate authority figures despite your 'the only authority he respects is his mom XD' corn as if any of you actually care about Sally,you ship her with fucking POSEIDON over Paul,because yeah,Luke WAS authority as the Titans Army leader and The Gods are literally the highest authority you can get in general,not just within Pjo,Percy dosen't need to look for older men to 'satisfy him'(this is a CHILDREN'S BOOKS SERIES,go APOLOGIZE TO YOUR YOUNGER SIBLINGS)because he has 1.a backbone,2.rizz and 3.a life,the him being upset Nico for not being 'his type' and hassling him over it is literally sexual harrassment by an adult towards a minor and Hazel's more of a part of him AND her own character than any minor white character that TRANSCENDS THEIR SOURCE MATERIAL

Just say it:You want Percy to be a gag instead of rep and you're so set on it rather than having standards in mentally abled people you're ready to start harrassing other people on different ends of the spectrum for saying Percy is afrolatino-an ACTUAL afrolatino,not y'all's lightskin slightly big nose no lips with vague cultural roots you didn't research copout,or saying he's transfem-coded based off actual real life transfemininity,or even just that they hate Percabeth since book!Annabeth is a white pick me bully.'MY friends' insults and hitting eachother is our way of showing affection!!!Have you never had a friend before?!'I have a lot of years long friends and keep making more and one of them's now my trans girlfriend that's adhd and agrees Percabeth is super bad because Annabeth is too mean to Percy and that Percy's a tgirl and her and the rest of them shower me in praise and defend me when people treat me badly and the latter goes for my own little brother like i always did and still do him and i treat my friends the same way they do me and my girlfriend gets extra.Rip to your self-hating selfves but i'm different and so's Percy

[firstkanaphans]

SMASH or PASS: GMMTV 2024, Part 2

Ossan’s Love: Based on the trailer we were given, PASS. However, I will watch this one regardless because it’s EarthMix and I have hope that the actual show will be a bit less cringe because P’Au is directing it and we know from MSP that he can do romantic comedy well. Unfortunately, I have not seen the original and this particular trailer made me never want to.

Leap Day: PASS. Not even an autistic-coded Gun Attaphan could save this one for me. But good for Pond! This is a huge role for him.

The Heart Killers: Obviously, SMASH. I know people are saying this feels like SandRay 2.0, but I’m getting more YokGaipa vibes and I am living for it. You can read my full review here, but I just want to go on record once again and say how grateful I am that FK got an adult show with an adult plot and a queer director.

Friendshit Forever: SMASH. It’s giving me Cruel Intention vibes and if they let Mook and Pat make out at least once, I’ll send them a fruit basket.

Perfect10 Liners: PASS. If I never hear the words “Engineer Cute Boy page” again, it will be too soon. 

Us: SMASH. Both Bonnie AND Emi make my brain go brrr, so I can’t promise I’ll be able to produce any coherent content about it, but I will be eagerly watching.

Hide & Sis: SMASH. This looks amazing and I loved P.S. I Hate You, so I’m expecting great things. Plus, Lookjun and Pepper finally get to work together! I’m so happy for them.

Thame-Po: SMASH. I know nothing about LYKN, but I enjoyed the trailer and I think it’s a great way for GMMTV to market their musical artists. Don’t think it’s going to help with people IRL shipping Est and William, though.

Break-up Service: lol, PASS.

Revamp the Undead Story: I will watch it because it is Boun’s baby and I love him, but in general, vampire shows only interest me if they’re slutty and I’m not sure GMMTV is going to allow that. So…PASS?

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist: Genuinely, I didn’t think there was anything that could make Mark Pakin unattractive to me, but they somehow managed it. That trailer was just weird. Ohm TPK is way too green to be leading a BL and I didn’t sense any chemistry between him and Mark. I hope the show's good for Mark’s sake, but my expectations are not high. PASS.

The Dark Dice: I think I might have to wait until the actual trailer for this one, but tentatively SMASH. The problem is that I’m not a huge fan of Prom or Prim, so I would be watching exclusively for Gemini.

The Ex-Morning: Y’all, I’m still drooling over Singto in that fucking trailer. I’m sorry, but he looks hot as fuck. I’d SMASH for him alone. This was by far my favorite plot of the night. I love me a good rom-com and since this one’s being written by P’Aof (and none of the characters are blind), I trust him.

Overall, I thought this was a much better line-up than Part 1 and I'm excited for what's coming!

EDIT: I forgot Scarlet Heart Thailand, which I guess makes my opinion obvious. It's a PASS. If I was a woman surrounded by that many men, I would run. That's a horror movie, not a love story. And even without knowing anything, I guarantee she's going to end up with Win. Because someone at GMMTV thinks he's hot or whatever.

[goodbyeapathy8]

Departure letter

As mentioned in this post, that outlines why I needed to let this be my last message in the Kindergarten Mafia Discord server... here is the Scathing Letter™. ------------------------

It is time for me to go. 

I absolutely loathe having to do a departure announcement because this is not an airport and I’m sure not a lot of people care. 

But as someone who has spent 10+ years of their life actively decolonizing and liberating my viewpoints, it would be absolutely remiss for me to not leave final remarks here expressing my utter disappointment and feelings of not being safe in this space. Not just as POC but someone chronically ill and autistic. Y’all have not made it kind for someone who has any sort of marginalized identity, as evidenced by the public dogpiling in this thread as well as the now deleted messages in clarifications.

I’m not going to address the majority of the drama except for what started it all : someone refusing a Native person’s (well-deserved) call out for a culturally appropriative phrase. 

It is devastatingly clear to me that a large portion of folks in this server have a poorly curated personal life extremely lacking in diversity. 

The defensiveness and elitism (really? Dictionary definitions?). Refusal to actively listen and instead attack others about lacking critical thinking. Self-claimed expertise. I could go on. 

So I revise what I had posted previously. Everyone is a little racist and this server is full of white supremacy tenets. 

https://rrapp.hks.harvard.edu/the-culture-of-white-supremacy-in-organizations/

This is my last attempt at educating some of you, which will go poorly, I’m sure. 

I spent an inordinate amount of time/energy/spoons to provide coherent context the last time but to find the entire thread deleted with no respect for the effort I spent there, has been one of the final straws. 

Frequently mentioning your volunteer status is frankly laughable. I have volunteered for quite a few places, including mutual aid organizations, and across multiple timezones and never have I seen so many excuses to say that y’all do not care about POC. (1/2)

I don’t care how old anyone is, what their job IRL is, what works you’ve posted with how many kudos, etc. I *do* care about the fact that multiple people, when speaking up, are treated with callousness and hurtfulness. That is a larger indication of your mental age and capacity than any other words you can type. 

That I felt safe enough to be so vulnerable in this space for a while was an illusion. There are continued indicators that POC words are ignored, especially calling out that I know both Jynx and William have requested their labor be deleted in the server but have not been. 

Last, but not least, I’m sure people will read this and think oh it’s Phoenix banding together with their friends. I say this with as much passion I can muster : I would have the same amount of disdain for the actions seen in this server without any personal friendship ties and emotions. That is how the social justice aspect of my autism works. 

You all have so much work to do when it comes to respecting other human beings that have different experiences than you. If I weren’t so consumed with the feelings of my actual divorce, recent termination, and the continued trauma of world events like that in Falasteen, I’d feel bad for you. 

As it stands, I believe my energy is precious and I simply cannot spare any more in spaces where I (and others) am not welcome or given respect to. Let it be noted that I’ve actually gone viral on social media before and I still have not left THOSE spaces and yet am choosing to leave this one. The troll comments I received on Tiktok can be ignored because they are from complete strangers that I do not give a single fuck about. The ones here, purportedly from those who claim it’s “safe”, are even more insidious in nature. 

Whatever race or ethnicity you are, to take people who have shown you their vulnerabilities and turn around to show your entire behinds in the least sexiest way ever, is not a good look. Ever. 

Leave the ass scenes to KinnPorsche. 

[listlessnessss]

do my fellow autohomoerotics experience anything similar?

alloandrophilic life cycle:

1.alloandrophilia predictably hits, target is typically a cis man, sometimes a deeply repressed proto-trans woman (it’s easier when it’s parasocial but unfortunately it’s IRL sometimes—sometimes like a lesbian, i choose an unavailable one). the feeling is good, typically, and i have auto-androphilia for him, too. the kind of man i’m attracted to is usually one i’d want to emulate. also the fantasies are super predictably auto-homoerotic as fuck (the idea is i’d also be a guy)

2.I learn that i’m objectively inferior to him because i am (and sometimes it’s because he’s normie in addition to male) i used to approach, but have given that up in recent years after repeated rejections. i get angry, internally, but don’t let it go anywhere. violent thoughts towards myself and others, inc. target. he would also never accommodate my delusions, my sexuality is estrogenic so i think about the future and realize that obviously anyone who is attracted to me is attracted to women and not to autohomoerotic ftms. my blackpills tell me that even well adjusted bi men wouldn’t.(this is due to my horrible personality, so it’s specific to me) i absolutely cannot approach my latest target, it would be inviable due to other unrelated incompatibilities but i won’t get too into that—doesn’t stop the cycle from proceeding.

3.i have thoughts of suicide every day. i rarely can cry, but then i do. (i’m not on testosterone or anything i’m just repressing) for how long these thoughts last depends on how far it got with my delusions. i’m really good at making the cycle go by quickly—classic comphet, i guess i have this in common w the type 1’s. but when i actually have gotten the opportunity to be one of his orbiters, it lasts longer—i’m usually so inferior to his other orbiters. i feel guilty for implicating him.

4.i retreat into a ground state of asexuality, hyper-romantic fanfic-tropey bihet female sexuality. this is my equilibriated comfort zone. of course, i still repress and carry in me intense cross-sex desires. i realize that i am too highly feminine in my thinking- i catch feelings, i’m emotional as fuck, i’m fembrained as all hell, not built for what i perceive from across the cultural and physiological aisle as the casual, animalistic, cult of physical beauty which everything about my socialization and my nerdy femcel predilections has told me i would never in a million years fit into (and on this point i’m right). I have a horrible body and personality, so i find myself falling back on the tropes of cis womanhood when realistically thinking of enticing targets, where almost zero for (gay ftms? they/them perhaps?) exist. I start recovering from my fixation on my alloandrophilic target, and make a return to woman with a private daydream.

written just now in a moment of self-awareness i think… like genuinely what the fuck is wrong.

is this just suicidal or am i a lesbian all along. do others… like me… experience something similar… is this what it feels like to supposed to have been a man yet have a sex drive dominated by estrogen or is this a secret 3rd worse thing? or AUTISM probably? this should be included in a write-up on autistic girls and how we think. i’m throwing things at the wall in the hopes something sticks wrt my guesses here.

is is just me?

[unablethethird]

once again

Same with you skip the weird ones

1: Name Robert [rob]

2: Age 14

3: 3 Fears 1- Friends dying/getting hurt 2-Going back to the last place i lived 3-Not being able to help/be there

4: 3 things I love 1-My frens 2-Laptop 3-headphones

7: My best friend You and yaya [irl]

8: Sexual orientation AroAce [fictoromantic/fictosexual, and kinda orchidromantic]

10: How tall am I 166cm [for now]

11: What do I miss

cant think of anything rn

12: What time were I born 4am

13: Favorite color red, orange, purple, black

15: Favorite quote "Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night, light a man *on* fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

16: Favorite place Arcade

17: Favorite food Imjaderah [rice+yoghurt+beans]

18: Do I use sarcasm sometimes, not rlly tho

19: What am I listening to right now

20: First thing I notice in new person Not sure, maybe symptoms???? but not on purpose

21: Shoe size No idea

22: Eye color dark brown [almost black]

23: Hair color black

24: Favorite style of clothing 1920s men atire

25: Ever done a prank call? Not that i can remember

27: Meaning behind my URL I mean this is the 3rd acc

28: Favorite movie THE LORAX!!!!

29: Favorite song right now it's

30: Favorite band FamilyJules? LemonDemon? Will wood? Chonny jash?

31: How I feel right now My body's scared but im chilling

32: Someone I love You /p

33: My current relationship status AroAce, platonically married

34: My relationship with my parents lol

35: Favorite holiday Eid al adha, free money

36: Tattoos and piercing i have Ear

37: Tattoos and piercing i want Sleeve tattoo when i transition

38: The reason I joined Tumblr Needed to continue a fic/comic that was on tumblr

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? idk

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? thank you fren /gen

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? my dad? maybe when i was really young

42: When did I last hold hands? My little sister, i didnt want her to get run over when crossing the road

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? As long as i have, if u give me an hour i'll take an hour, if you give me 30 seconds i'll take 30 seconds

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope, i get gender dysphoria from shaving my legs/arms

45: Where am I right now? Bed

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mum, not dad

49: Am I excited for anything? Turning 18 and going uni and being a human person with a human life

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Im an oversharer

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Im autistic so not in a deppressed way

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Cant remember

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? H [irl]

55: What is something I disliked about today? My sister stealing money from my mum, i was this close to having smoke outta my ears, she should know better

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? God, im going to beat the shit out of him

57: What do I think about most? Cringe memories i guess?

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can bird whistle

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Touch might be strange?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind fs

61: What was the last lie I told? "I don't know who they were talking about" [i didn't want to hurt her feelings]

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? voice, video is a nightmare

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yea because either i've seen them or im delusional [im delusional]. aliens are a given, even a bacteria could be one

64: Do I believe in magic? Kinda? idrk, maybe

65: Do I believe in luck? yea

66: What’s the weather like right now? cloudy n cold

67: What was the last book I’ve read? DnD rulebook

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? LVORE IT LOIF LVOE LOVE IT

69: Do I have any nicknames? I get called by my last name a lot

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? not sure

71: Do I spend money or save it? Save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Unfortunatly no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? My sisters deoderant

74: Favorite animal?

FOXES!!!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? calming myself down

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I dont think he has one, idk im not religious

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Corny/cringe as hell but Honeypie by JAWNY

78: How can you win my heart? havent thought about it

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

I TOLD YOU MY FOOT WAS KILLING ME

80: What is my favorite word? supercalifragilisticexpialadocious

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr Moots

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? your god is the right one [chaos]

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently, but my dad and some uncles were

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Time manipulation

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i dont think questions are scary

86: What is my current desktop picture? basic

90: Failed a class? classes

94: Had job? I have one now, dont always get paid though

95: Left the house without my wallet? Dont have a wallet

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no

98: Played on a sports team?

Unless school sport team counts

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? yea

106: Been to a wedding? ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Duh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe i dont remember

109: Been outside my home country? Technically im from iran, and i live in australia, so, yeah

110: Gotten my heart broken? i guess

111: Been to a professional sports game? no

112: Broken a bone? no

113: Cut myself? yeah Im stopping though

114: Been to prom? we dont have that

115: Been in airplane?

Yeah

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? kinda

119: Learned another language? I know arabic and english

120: Wore make up? Forced to when i was younger but not anymore

123: Dyed my hair? Part of it purple, but its gone now

124: Voted in a presidential election? Cant vote, eitherway all of em suck

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yep

126: Had a surgery? not sure, memory bad

127: Met someone famous? Not that i know of

128: Stalked someone on a social network? mutuals tumblrs

129: Peed outside? Yea

130: Been fishing? nope

131: Helped with charity? yep

132: Been rejected by a crush? nope

133: Broken a mirror? Yep

134: What do I want for birthday? Wouldn't ever happen because it's expensive as fuck but a pump it up machine

i usually get a slice of cake tho

[nerdnag]

Hi Sara! You are wise and cool and I'd appreciate advice if you have any! I am trying to make friends especially with fellow autistic people in real life but it is very very hard and scary also I don't know how to find people who want friends. Do you have any advice? (Please only answer if you want to!)

Thank you Ghostly!! 🙏 You are so valid - it *is* hard and scary to make irl friends!! (... Online friends too, tbh)

I don't know if I have any helpful advice, but I'll try!

I think what's worked best for me is to meet people in contexts that are related to specific, niche interests. I'm not entirely sure I have any IRL friends anymore who are only autistic, I do have a bunch who are both autistic and have ADHD though. And all of them, I've met through various kinds of special interests.

For example, several people in my TTRPG group are neurodiverse. How did I meet them? I happened to sit next to a guy I'd never spoken to before while at a work lunch, and we got to talking fantasy books (... I don't really remember how), which got us into RPG talk, which eventually led to him asking me by the end of the lunch whether I'd like to join the TTRPG group that he and some of his friends were starting up soon. That was 3,5 years ago, and we're still playing together to this day!

Another, I met through Magic: The Gathering - we were going to the same weekend event (not related to MtG) and I saw him post in a thread about looking for people to play some games with, so I replied to him, and we pretty much clicked right away because it turned out we had lots of other similar interests as well.

A third, I got to know through playing social deception games at yet another event, in which we sort of fell into a banter-y jargon while trying to convince everyone else to vote out the other. (We were both the wild cards in every game, because I had a habit of grinning wildly and looking generally untrustworthy regardless of which role I was given, and he had an absolutely straight face regardless and was really hard to read, so we pretty quickly identified each other as friendly rivals.) Then I figured out he lived in the same city as I did, and my train was cancelled, so I used my Charisma™ to hitch a ride with him and his dad back home :D

... So based on my own experiences, it seems I've mostly met other neurodiverse people through various kinds of games, which is one of my great passions in life! Depending on what your interests are, maybe there are events, groups or such that you could be on the lookout for? Sort of like it usually happens on Tumblr I guess, but IRL it's a bit harder since you have to do more work and research to find those places and communities.

The thing is though, it will always be scary. The first time I went to play with the TTRPG group, I was super scared. I barely said anything during the first hour or so, and even after several sessions, it still took some time each time to get back into it and relax. But I always have a lot of fun while playing, and I know they appreciate having me there, so that makes it easier to relax and not worry so much. It was the same thing with the MtG friend - I rewrote that first message sooo many times, and then had a racing heart by the time I went to meet up with him. The trick for me has been to recognise when it's worth pushing through that discomfort, and try to be accepting of the fact that sometimes it won't work out, but sometimes it will; sometimes it will lead to amazing friendships, but sometimes it will fizzle out or face plant before it could even start. And that's fine.

It gets easier with time in my experience, but it never gets easy. I've sort of had to accept that I usually don't make a great first impression. It's not that I make a bad impression, I just don't think I make much of an impression at all - I probably seem more shy than I really am, and sometimes my fears make me behave really awkwardly. But after a couple times, as I start to relax and get more comfortable being myself, I think I can make a really really good impression! And I stress a little less about first impressions when I remind myself of that.

Oh, and one more thing: I've personally found that it's a lot easier to meet new people if they are there by themselves. People who already hang out in groups are much harder to approach. Because of this reason, actually, I tend to avoid going to places together with my friends if my aim is to meet new people. It means I won't have the comfort and safety of my friends with me, but it increases the likelihood that I'll approach people I wouldn't have talked to others - or that they will approach me! (The friend I met through social deception games is the opposite, though. He says the comfort of having friends with him makes him more relaxed and confident, which makes it easier for him to meet new people.)

[kuroo-hitsuji]

This chat is makin me cry because I literally slow-blink at people irl as a sign of affection (bc i, too, am autistic and stan cats and understand their body language better than human social cues most times--).

Imagine how many times my MC has given Satan a heart attack ahzjshxh

[eriqas-fate]

Hey, if it’s not too much trouble, could I please get a LOTR matchup? I hope you don’t mind ;-;

I’d probably prefer a male ship, and I usually use She/Her pronouns because it’s just easier tbh. I’m autistic and disabled with joint pain, scoliosis, asthma and a couple other illnesses. I work as a librarian and have a lot of different hobbies like grooming horses, working out (I actually just bought my first punching bag!), genealogy, witchcraft, foraging, gardening, writing, drawing, cooking and baking, and studying a lot of different topics. I like to call myself an Irl Shounen anime protagonist in the sense that I’m spunky and excitable, and very ambitious about being good at my hobbies and what I like to do. I’m really sweethearted and polite, to the point where people are a bit surprised when they realize how chaotic I actually am. I enjoy making people laugh and am also really wise for my age, and I give good advice and am very introspective and philosophical. I adore taking care of people, cooking for them, and generally making people’s lives better. A huge fact about me is that I am really short, only 4’ 10” (147 cm) tall, and I also have really long shaggy auburn hair, glasses, pale skin with lots of moles and freckles, decently big muscles and I like wearing cool jackets and funny t-shirts. My style switches between masculine and feminine a lot. I love being outside so much and I can’t stand being cooped up for hours on end, I need to be outside at least for a couple hours every day. I’m hyper-empathetic and care for things very deeply, including wild plants and animals. I prefer partners who are chill and not overly clingy, as I like my space but still like spending time with someone. 

Thank you so so much, sorry if this was too long! I hope your day is going well 

Hi hi, thank you for the request! I apologize for the long wait, I had gotten a little busy this holiday weekend.

I ship you with...

Aragorn!!!

It quickly became quite obvious that Aragorn had been developing feelings for you, especially given how easily entertained he was by you. Whatever it were that you had found yourself doing, Aragorn would always chime in his support. He would find it quite interesting your love for foraging and witchcraft. He would often find himself asking you tons of questions about what it’s like being a witch 💜, and would offer to go foraging for you if you needed anything for your craft. Perhaps it started out with a few shared hobbies, such as your shared passion for taking care of animals and your love for nature. Eventually, the two of you could be found together enjoying the simplicities of nature and all of its beauty as you stroll hands intertwined through the beautiful woodland area surrounding Rivendell. Aragorn would feel completely relaxed whenever he is with you and would often find himself lost in the many stories you would share. His favorites being the ones you were creating, making him cherish that for a short while only he may know them. With each one of them making him fall for you even harder. He loved seeing you whenever you were excitable and determined, for it often would inspire him to do his best. Even though Aragorn was quite the confident and determined person himself, he was glad to know he had someone he could rely on and take advice from if ever he would need it. After sometime, Aragorn would come to hope that the two of you would be spending much more time together, through courtship and through life.

I hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)

feel free to leave a comment 🪴🌿

💜💜💜

[dekaydk]

QL/BL Series I watched in 2023

This is a ridiculously long list because

I finally discovered the existence of this genre late in 2022, and after years in the desert with only occasional gay-themed media, am drinking deeply at the oasis, and

I have basically given up on other forms of TV this year (long story mostly having to do with the crap that's out there, the networks yanking content before it's finished just to avoid paying residuals…also, I will never watch another piece of Star Trek if JJ Abrams is within 1 parsec*).

I had a long period of convalescing from a broken collarbone.

*probably an obscure TOS reference but the initiates will get it

In Progress

IFYLIA

Kiseki: Dear to Me - I love all of the characters, main and support. Writing is fun, character motivations are clear, acting is good-to-excellent, directing is solid if unadventurous. And the colors! While it's not rigorously real-life, it hits harder than most because there are actual adult choices being made, and real consequences for those choices. The comedy is always in service of the plot or the characters. The cameos are off the charts. This is also an exception to my "generally don't watch BTS until the show's over" rule: the BTS have been fun. The actors are clearly having a blast.

Dangerous Romance - uneven, but not so much that I've given up. Had potential to be more of a commentary on economic strata: though there's room for more in the coming episodes, I think they missed the boat by bascially making Kang now the MC instead of Sailom, which is disappointing. Right now I can see this going into either "okay, but meh" or "don't recommend" categories, but I doubt it's gonna be a "recommend" because they haven't got the runway for a save.

Kabe-Koji-Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to be Recognized - unexpected depths to this show. The characters are revealed gradually, the comedy is a delight, the acting's great, the staging and cinematography are terrific. Quite enthused about this show.

I Can't Reach You - these two are a delight. BTW, @lurkingteapot says that they are working on their own captions, which should be infinitely better than anything else that's out there. Going to rewatch when they do post because I think it will be a far more engaging experience. (Also, if you like Japanese BLs, you should follow them for their linguistic and cultural insights.) (Note: I have no idea how to replace captions so I have to learning ahead. 😇)

One Room Angel - unconventional; not sure where this is going but I almost don't care. These two are just plain touching to watch. Only two episodes in and I'm hooked.

Finished and Enjoyed

If It's With You - so far, this is a palate cleanser I needed. Cute, sweet, low angst, and clearly made to be a dessert course, not a hearty main dish. Actors are doing a great job. (Side note: Makeup and wardrobe are doing a good job in making them look more conventional vs. how good looking they are IRL.)

Kieta Hatsukoi - this was just fantastic. Sweet, funny, and unexpectedly poignant. I see no reason to remake it, much as I appreciate Fourth and Gemini.

My Personal Weatherman - once I figured out that they'd only been living together for a short time after graduation, it fell into place. The crippling insecurity on the one hand and the cryptic overconfidence on the other made for a really engaging dynamic.

Sing My Crush - this was one of those almost perfect shows. Just watch it.

My Beautiful Man S2 - love me my babies learning to communicate, and Kiyoi taking Hira shopping and making Hira blossom for the day was delightful. This show is so unconventional and I cannot get enough. Nobody does "your low self-esteem is crippling you in ways you don't even begin to understand and people love you anyway" like Japan.

My Dating Sim - so sweet without being corn syrup. Palate cleanser.

Semantic Error - really, really enjoyed this smart autistic bossy nerd meets semi-slacker athlete artist. One of the rare shows where the actors are pretty obviously straight (BTS kinda made that clear and in the future, I am generally gonna skip BTS until the show's over) but I nonetheless bought their characters being into each other.

Laws of Attraction - I wasn't sure about this at first until I realized rather late that (a) lakorn is a thing, and (b) "lakorn = telenovela" and all the conventions that implies. After that, I sat back and enjoyed the camp and stopped being critical. Film and Jam are fun to watch, and you cannot tell me that Film didn't enjoy every second of scene chewing. The second couple were touching as all heck. And Nawin came in and briefly stole the show. And Silvy and Organ stole it back!

Unintentional Love Story - both couples were delightful; loved the pottery/creativity as a central element (and coveting it for my own). Looking forward to more of Ho Tae and Dong Hee in S2.

DNA Says Love You - Although I kinda had the plot twist figured out early—admit it, the casting for Amber was absolutely perfect—I still loved the journey. The "witch in the woods" bit was fun, even if I'm not a fan of predestination-style plots (I prefer characters arrive at their destination without supernatural assistance). I could watch Erek all day. Slightly slow to get out of the starting blocks but worth the time.

Color Rush - I'm not easily sold on fantasy premises but I enjoyed this one. Love interest played by Hur Hyun Jun was straight out of a manga panel (that jawline). Sadly, he withdrew from a reprise of the character in S2, I'm told because fans got weird. (Fans, learn to separate the artist from the art.)

Not Me - be gay, do crimes against the oligarchy. Gorgeous cast: Gun, Off, First, Gawin, Mond, Film; good cinematography; nice character arcs. Not perfect (Todd's character in general, and I never did get why Black got beat up in the first place; they kinda ended up at "it's just so"), but in general the show strove for a higher level. Fun fact: written by a (then-?) member of the Thai parliament.

Old Fashion Cupcake - devoted junior dogsbody doggedly digs dense dejected boss out of dumps. Okay, my alliterative talents are low today. Cute, and goes unexpectedly hard during the confession scene, and after. Thoroughly enjoyable and a bit of a rumination on how people can pigeonhole themselves to their own detriment.

To My Star and To My Star 2 - ah, these two. The sunshine man has to go hardcore to get his man to see his own value. I would rewatch this just for fun.

Takara-kun and Amagi-Kun - Oh, to be in high school with good friends who help you figure out your feelings. I will hear no criticism of this perfect little dessert.

Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice But to Kiss! - the unlucky/lucky balance gimmick could have been annoying but they made it work. Sweet, simple, seriously cute actors, very much in earnest comedy. Palate cleansing fun.

My Engineer - main couple: okay but I've already mostly forgotten them. RamKing were different. Ram's character was absolutely coded as autistic but no one ever used the word, no one called him weird, and King figured it out and went with it, no problems. Loved that part. (King had his plant obsession so maybe he got it on one level.) Also, the way RamKing ended left a huge opportunity for the fanfic on them, much of which has been great. Sadly, there won't be an S2.

The Eclipse - writing could have been sharper (pace and motivation needed work) but Khao and First were a ton of fun to watch. Loved the junior queens being the most fearless troublemakers.

Big Dragon - went into it knowing it would be a trash-the-pub watch 😎 yet it actually ended up a little more solidly than I had expected. Plenty of heat, and now I get why people are MosBank fans. Fun fact: Jeff Satur apparently wrote the theme that Isbanky sang.

Finished and Oh Well It Was A BL

Until We Meet Again - I know it worked for lots of folks and I get why, but (a) reincarnation stories and (b) I love me some Fluke but I hate the blushing maiden trope especially when as here they hammer it into the ground with a rocket-powered pile driver. ("P'Deeeeeaaan!") I actually preferred the past couple to the present-day couple because the characters were written better. (Not the actors' fault; the stakes were higher, and you can't act your way out of a sub-par script.)

Mr. Cinderella - Vietnam's probably not got a mature industry yet so I may have excessively high expectations, but…amateurish writing, directing, cinematography and sound. Characters were all over the map. And the bad guy ex was…uuuuugly toxic. (Also, polonium? Seriously?) Attractive cast to be sure, who didn't really have much to work with so for all the audience knows they are all Shakespeareans in training. The coy screeching nurse was so very repetitive. I did want to like it and if I had a script I would totally go to town on it as an exercise. (I'm an editor, not a writer.)

Why R U? Korea - Did they…lose a hard drive with the audio? Cheap out and not hire an audio engineer? Seemingly half the dialog was looped, and often jarringly. But the real fault was the writing: the behavior of the main couple was inconsistent, especially where they parted ways and then pretty much ignored that for a while, and in the last episode with the lead saying he didn't want to work together on the thing that was extremely important to both him and his interest. I wanted to like this because I really liked the main couple and Jeon Sa Ra's Do Yeon. Best scene was Lee Won after his audition teetering on the edge of losing it when his interest ignorantly came out to tease him: just a lovely little bit of acting by Lee Jung Min, without a word being spoken.

Seriously, this scene makes me want to learn how to gif. Lee Jung Min as Lee Won

Finished and Don't Recommend

TharnType: 7 Years of Love - the first season was objectively bad for reasons I and others have set out elsewhere (noncon sex, underage rrpe(!), sub-par acting/directing). The second season wasn't as bad, but it wasn't good either, with forced misunderstanding narratives being the most notable plot point. Seven years together and you still are that easy to convince that your man's stepping out on you? Like the first season, 7 Years also gave the sense that Mew (at least in this case) is a one-note actor, though this could have been the director's fault. Gulf had more good moments.

La Pluie - I so wanted to like a show that was gonna take a trope and upend it. And I absolutely get what lots of folks liked about it. For me the uneven pacing, sometimes blatantly contrived plot, often wooden direction, dialog and acting (with the notable exception of Suar, who was by far the best in the show and not just because he got most of the best lines) and terrible continuity did it in. (Lomfon's confession scene, though: Tien's going up on his toes for the kiss is burned into my memory.)

Started and bailed

Minato's Laundromat S2 - I so wanted to like this after S1. Instead of giving Minato a growth arc, the writers inserted a silly and ultimately pointless amnesia story. This seriously pissed me off to the point that I stopped watching. Not the actors' fault, but the writers, well, that's a paddlin' offense.

Only Friends - when certain folks start expressing concern, I listen. @bengiyo explained how this show failed its promise of showing actual queer lives. When it abandoned whatever vision its creators may have had in favor of contorting itself into something controlled by fan input, proving it was just an exercise in branding pair marketing, that confirmed it was not going to get me to return after Ep 3.

Naughty Babe - just, just, what in the Pennzoil is going on? MC, you seriously went how long without nookie and didn't talk with your man about it? And then you fake amnesia? Dude, you are not a serious person and the writers should be ashamed. I see from my Tumblr feed that they tried to redeem themselves later with the marriage and adoption bit, and good for that, but I ain't got time for incoherent messes.

Low Frequency - decorative actors, but incoherent plot where I simply couldn't see what was happening and where it was going. Couldn't motivate myself to continue after the second episode.

Step By Step - I've already posted about this. This had the potential to be wayyy above average but it kinda fell apart with the main couple, and the secondary couple simply were written so badly there was nothing to root for. I got almost all the way through this but after it became clear there wasn't going to be a late save, I gave up. The. Actors. Wuz. Robbed.

En of Love: Tossara - this felt like someone got their uncle to pull strings to get them a show. Dialog was anemic, character motivations were bland/absent, pacing was uneven. I started the second episode but I'm not sure I finished it.

If you made it this far, congratulations. Tell me what you liked or didn't agree with; I come across as opinionated but I'm always looking to learn. 😎

[eyeballmonster20]

Hello sorry to bother you with this all of sudden ,and this might be coming out of nowhere, and I’m not trying to force you but I m trying to get more people into this show with great potential. If your not interested it’s fine but Have you heard of or watched moon girl and devil dinosaur? Season 2 comes out February 2. 

The main character i love she gives me autistic vibes I’m autistic. The show has interesting characters, action ,great music, and animation ,good themes and representation, Anime references, it even has an eyecatch season 2 is going to be more story driven if you find that interesting. 

It be good if you watch the first 2 season 2 episode when they air so the ratings will be higher. 

I think Disney might be trying to sabotage the show with dropping 14 episodes on Disney + on February 3. They did similar with season 1 and the ratings where low ,please watch season 2 episodes when they air on. But more importantly also watch it on Disney + on feb 3 and when they air it on YouTube. Unfortunately they are dropping 14 episodes on Disney + so watch them all in one day but also when they air the first time.

I’m not just saying only cable just also. I’m saying please support this show. Despite that it still won 5 Emmys. Also if it’s no trouble could if it alright with you spread the word about this show to others you know like either online or irl. Time is limited!

Thanks for being this to my attention. Yes I have seen the show first seasons and I love it too! As a Marvel fan this shows is great. I love the stories of friendship, being a hero, and to never face things alone!

I’m really excited for season 2 which yes I have heard the news on Twitter that Disney plus is putting 14 episodes in Feduray. At first I was excited but then realized that this will negatively impact the show. I always feel that Disney is putting a burden in us fans to watch Israel favorite shows be making sure the view counts are up. But Bill who created The Ghost and Molly McGee (If you haven’t seen the show please go watch it. It’s just as great!) says that watching a show should be fun and not a burden. It’s sad that Disney doesn’t have a clear or fair plan to make sure of the shows success and the marketing for sed shows is not great. The 14 episodes all at once seems really extreme and honestly take away the fun of waiting. When you have 14 episodes to binge you basically have just watch half the season and it takes away the fun of waiting for a new episode each week. Yes I’ll have fun watching them but I fear me and so many fans may get MGADD fatigue.

Yes I’ll be happy o watch the 14 episodes to help and support the amazing people and crew because they deserve it and yes I’ll spread the word as well in Trumblr and Twitter when I find the time (Probably this week). I unfortunately due to my current life am not sure I cant watch all 14 episodes in one day. But I plan to at least watch all them either in 2 days or on the week of launch.

I’m honestly scared of the future of Disney animation. These shows are not getting treated the way they desvenes and not given a chance because of Disney’s poor market and strategies. Now I don’t want to point the finger and say their sabotaging shows like Moon Girl but it sure does seem like it.

At the end of the day the sad truth is Disney’s choices may be based off money. I have to be honest, as much as I love to do what it takes to support the shows I love, it’s shouldn’t feel like a burden or a chore. I want to support the creators of my favorite shows on Disney the right way. Disney should leave us to market the show, they shouldn’t leave us to takes a lot of time out of our days to binge a show.

As much as I love to tell my friends and family to watch the show, I feel like Disney saying, “Hey kid in college, wanna market our show?”

And I say, “We’ll…yes but your not going to put all that on me right and many of fans right?”.

Disney says “…”

“Right?”

It just sad. I want to go back tot he times where we can just have fun watching our favorite shows. We don’t need to worry about view counts, times watched, and etc. We just get to have you know fun. That what entertainment is after all, to have fun.

That being said I’ll watch the episodes when they come out, I’ll promote the show and support in any way I can! I love this show as much as I love Gravity Falls, Amphibia, The Owl House and the Ghost and Molly McGee and I hate for this amazing show to be cut short too. I’m just going to say, “I’m going to support this show but I’m going to have fun while doing it!”. I’ll make my friends rewatch the show with me, tell others agouti the show! Do watch parties! These are ways to have fun and support the show!

And if we unite as fans together we can tell Disney to reconsider there strategies and give these shows they may think will not give them money like Marvel a chance. These shows where made with love from very talented people, they just end up in the wrong company.

Sorry this when longer then I though I just need to vent my feelings and I hope you understand. I’m just feeling mad, sad and disappointed right now. I’m love stories and to see them be treated unfairly sickness me.

I hope you have a great day or night when your reading this. I’ll support this show and other shows I love. Thanks for spreading the word.

[anti-endo-safe-space]

hi, I'm kinda confused right now and I might not be asking this in the right place but I don't really wanna openly talk about this on any of my social medias or with anyone irl right now because I might be wrong and I just don't want to talk about it with anyone who I'll be in contact with for a long time until I am 100% sure that I am right or wrong.

This will be very long-winded and have a lot of heavy details about my life and experiences (not much trauma, though, don't worry) but most of it is very significant to my symptoms.

So, I'm autistic and one of my hyperfixations is psychology, I like looking into different disorders, how they form, their symptoms, what it's like to have them etc. and I just enjoy learning about how the human brain works (I'm planning on doing psychology when I go to university/college) and when I learnt about systems my immediate response was "OK, so I need to research the living hell out of this, wow, this is so interesting" so I did end up doing a bunch of research into DID and OSDD-1 and I've ended up learning that I actually relate to a lot of symptoms of it and I've realised that (if I am a system) it would actually explain a lot of my experiences regarding my identity.

For a while I was in heavy denial towards even the possibility that I was a system but now I'm starting to accept I might be one and I have done a lot of research but I've also found that an outside perspective can be very helpful, especially if that outside perspective has experienced what you might be going through and I'd rather not ask an irl or online friend right now.

Something about me is that my identity always seems to be fluid and that's just always been the way I am, I have labeled myself as or questioned myself to be multiple fluid, queer identities, at some point I have atleast questioned all of the ones I know of (abrosexual, genderfluid (as well as gender hoarder), genderflux, aceflux, namefluid (as well as namehoarder), pronounfluid (as well as pronoun hoarder) etc.) because that's just how I've experienced life but it never felt like it suited me despite the fact that it was blatantly obvious my identity was changing, I was experiencing it changing, I still do experience it changing but it might not align with the way someone who identified with a fluid queer identity would, it's less just one thing changes and more that there's a pattern of everything changing at the same time (e.g. one moment I'll be perfectly comfortable with all the labels I've given myself and the way I express and perceive myself is the same way I do express myself and ask others to perceive me, my body and face might make me dysphoric but I still view them as my body and face and my age is definitely how old I am but then another moment I think I'm a demigirl, my pronouns have changed, my name is different, I want to be scenemo, the song I was just listening to is horrible, my body and face aren't my body or face, my hair's too short, I'm the wrong age and just the way I perceive myself is completely different and the way people perceive me feels so wrong.)

I also hear voices in my head and they all have identities that align with the patterns in changes that I experience and I can't control the way they act the same way I would control the way a character in a daydream would act, I have always just assumed they were friends I made up in my head as a part of maladaptive daydreaming and as a trauma response but maybe not? maybe they're alters?

I'm just really confused right now, I used to think all this was just masking combined with maladaptive daydreaming combined with my possible DPDR but I'm starting to think it might not be, I hope this isn't confusing or too long, you can delete this if you want.

Hey anon, it's alright don't worry. We kind of started the same way to what led us to learning and talking to a therapist and figuring out we're a system. We started with a psychology faciniation and realizied how much of it was truly relatable and then realizing "oh shit yeah that's what I have".

We don't have the world's best advice other than this: Talk to a professional. Hell, if need to do it in a case of "hey my friend has this going on, how would you recommend I help them". It's a trick we did to figure out that our therapist at the time supported systems.

It's all okay, and even if it turns out you aren't a system, that's alright. Sometimes that happens!