#give me my gay old men back pls I’ll do my work

[bumblebee-chimera]

[kicking my legs like a toddler] TUMBLR TOOK MY RADIOAPPLE AWAY AGAIN

[can-of-w0rmz]

@shotofstress

When I tell you I read this I saw it and I WHEEZED I was in TEARS and I shouldn’t be bothered arguing about it but quite frankly I’m trying to procrastinate anyway and I’ve had a god awful week and need to take out my frustrations somehow, ergo, I’m going be petty not because this person disagrees with my reading of the novel, but because they implied that in reading queer or neurodivergent elements in a work, people “can’t see the important themes that the novel is about” which actually does piss me off a fair bit

Right so first before we argue we’ve got to decipher because English apparently isn’t this person’s forte for someone who is, apparently, such an avid reader and esteemed critic of English literature. Also I just realised I haven’t really provided any context here so apologies this was in response to that joke post I made about mischaracterising Frankenstein adaptations (again yes the pettiness is not lost on me but I’m embracing it anyway)

“He is not gay nor autistic” cheers this person disagrees that Victor Frankenstein is either gay or autistic. To each their own. Wonder what kind of backup they’ll have for that argument.

“Pls stop seen representation of us everyone bc u can’t make the difference,” Right so this is where we get confusing, I’m going to take a wild guess and I think they’re trying to say “please stop seeing representation of us everywhere because you can’t make the difference”, and I still don’t know what “make the difference” means, but we’ll go with it.

“read nothing new”, alright so they’re saying people who see representation everywhere read nothing new, and then the kicker that’s kind of the only reason I decided to respond to this anyway, “nor really see the important themes that the novel is about.”

First off, “stop seeing representation of us everywhere”, let it be known that as I make a hundred jokes about Victor Frankenstein being homosexual, I myself am thoroughly through and through without a doubt bisexual as the days are long. Absolutely love men. Also adore women equally. So no, I am not a Disney corporate executive trying to squeeze in as many queers as possible for the entire purpose of using the fact they have representation in media to excuse the fact it’s a shite film but also, not trying to revisit every old piece of media to squeeze representation where it doesn’t really fit or make sense just for shits and giggles. (Also just saying, you made this comment on Tumblr. So even if I was just going haywire with lgbt headcanons on my favourite media with no real backup, who gives a shit? Who actually gives a flying fuck? I don’t. Let people live, man. It doesn’t mean they don’t understand the source material just because they’re having fun and playing loose with it. It’s Tumblr, not a Netflix adaptation. Let people do whatever they want and have fun with it. It’s cool.)

But like I said, I do have backup and a lot of it so let’s get into that, shall we?

First of all, whoo, autism. I’ll be real not really a hill I’m going to die on but the wording you put of “he is not autistic” is just ridiculous because yeah, no, there is a lot of perfectly decent ground to read Victor Frankenstein as autistic and a lot of people do, mostly people who are autistic or otherwise neurodivergent themselves. Just because in the 18th century people didn’t necessarily have the language for things doesn’t mean they didn’t exist, and I mean, now we do. So what’s the harm in using it? They had their own language for things back then, do we have to revert back to speaking in early 19th century English every time we want to refer to a character who was written back then as neurodivergent or lgbt or anything else?? What’s the point in that??

But yeah, Victor Frankenstein. I can’t even be bothered to explain and to be honest every single other person I’ve said “Frankenstein is autistic to” has immediately responded “oh yeah, obviously”, even my father who famously is just hypercritical of all sorts of headcanons just went “oh yeah no for sure the man is definitely autistic no doubt about it”. So instead I’m just going to include some quotes.

My temper was sometimes violent, and my passions vehement; but by some law in my temperature they were turned not towards childish pursuits but to an eager desire to learn, and not to learn all things indiscriminately.

It was my temper to avoid a crowd and to attach myself fervently to a few. I was indifferent, therefore, to my school-fellows in general; but I united myself in the bonds of the closest friendship to one among them.

From this day natural philosophy, and particularly chemistry, in the most comprehensive sense of the term, became nearly my sole occupation.

Two years passed in this manner, during which I paid no visit to Geneva, but was engaged, heart and soul, in the pursuit of some discoveries which I hoped to make. None but those who have experienced them can conceive of the enticements of science. In other studies you go as far as others have gone before you, and there is nothing more to know; but in a scientific pursuit there is continual food for discovery and wonder.

Like I said, self explanatory. It’s harder to come up with an argument for why he isn’t autistic than why he is, and frankly, what’s the harm in reading him that way? It doesn’t really change anything about the plot or themes, and his character doesn’t change. It’s just a very probable diagnosis for said qualities. It doesn’t change them, whether you use that word or not. The concept of autism was coined in 1911 anyway, so its not like Mary Shelley’s going to be sat at her writing desk in 1817 writing in big bold letters “BY THE WAY, FRANKENSTEIN HAD AN AUTISM DIAGNOSIS.” It doesn’t change the fact that people still had autism back then, just because the term wasn’t discovered yet. Anyway.

Now, second bit. “He isn’t gay” – now, if you read Frankenstein and thought “ah yes, this man seems perfectly heterosexual to me”, then honestly, sure. Go ahead. But to say that reading Victor Frankenstein as queer in any way means that people “don’t understand the important themes of the novel” is completely bloody ridiculous because, again, there is astronomical ground to read him that way.

Victor Frankenstein never really shows interest in any women in the novel, except for Elizabeth, who he has been raised, since he was five years old, to see as his “gift” and was told by his mother since he was a very young child that he was going to marry her – to the point where his mother, on her deathbed, tells both Victor and Liz: “My firmest hopes of future happiness were placed on the prospect of your union. This expectation will now be the consolation of your father.” Also, they’re cousins/adopted siblings. If you don’t think that’s fucked up, even by the standards of the time, I’m not really sure what to say to you. Of course he married her. And before he married her, he generally expresses very little romantic interest in her bar just expressing as much affection as you would a close friend or sister, or seeing her as his “gift” who he “has to be wed to”. Read any other story from this time period, in this genre, and you will not be remotely questioning whether they’re actually attracted to each-other or not. In fact, here’s an excerpt from The Vampyre, another book born from the same trip to Geneva that Frankenstein was, by John William Polidori, about the protagonist’s love interest:

And that’s only part of it. So. Yeah. Victor’s lack of romantic affection for Elizabeth is not “a product of its time” nor “a product of its genre.” And The Vampyre is a short story.

And so you may be saying, “well, just because Victor doesn’t show any interest in women doesn’t necessarily make him gay”, and yeah, true that (ace and bi Vic hcs y’all are valid) but there is very good basis to take the reading that he is attracted to men.

For one thing, just the fact that he’s so particular about creating “the perfect man” is subject to a lot of queer readings in itself, but let’s be real here, you all know me enough by now to know that I just want an excuse to rant about Clerval and Frankenstein. And rant about them I shall.

First, I’m lazy, so here’s an excerpt from one of my previous essays I’ve written that I’ve never posted everywhere on Frankenstein in general:

Just as The Creature is Victor’s narrative foil, so is Clerval. He's equally ambitious and fascinated with the secrets of life, however he’s healthy with how he goes about it and healthy with how he keeps the balance between taking care of himself and pursuing his dreams, while Victor goes over the edge and neglects himself and his sense of morality to complete what he set out to do. He's supposed to represent the ideals of gothic romanticism in Victor and he's supposed to be his anchor and support, (something the Creature doesn't have), caring for Victor during his illness, (“reanimating” him, almost, once again showing that comparison between both Victor and Henry, as Henry “reanimates” Victor with compassion and cares for him after, and Victor reanimates The Creature in a haze of obsession and mania and immediately abandons him, showing what Victor could have been), and constantly accompanying and being sympathetic and empathetic towards him. I also find it very interesting how he does also seem to have those darker aspects to him, lying to Victor’s family about the extent of his illness and caring for Victor in his apartment despite the fact that, for all he knew, from the evidence lying around his workspace and Victor’s feverish rambling, he very well could have murdered someone, and Clerval chooses not to press him on the issue and instead to intentionally help Victor cover it up. The fact that Clerval exhibits these traits only makes Victor’s own downfall all the more tragic when we consider that it likely very much isn’t a stretch to imagine that Clerval, too, likely exhibits a lot of the same morbid curiosity as Victor; he isn’t a superhuman figure with purely positive attributes who is completely far removed from Victor’s situation, the only difference is that Clerval chooses to prioritise his own sense of morality over his selfish aims, which only emphasises the point that Victor’s downfall is, ultimately, Victor’s own fault. When Victor "kills" the Creature’s chance of the same support and love (his unfinished bride), the Creature kills Henry and sends Victor into a downward spiral of suicidal thoughts and heavy depression because the character that represented that stability, that romanticism, that balance of keeping healthy, is dead, and that throws Victor downward into his inevitable obsession with the monster's destruction and his own death.

On this point, I feel like it’s worth bringing up that a reasonably good case could probably be made regarding a lot of queer subtext in the novel, although I won’t rant about it excessively as it obviously isn’t the focus, the theme of love is a very prominent theme as I’ve previously mentioned with The Creature; familial love, platonic love, parental love, romantic love, and I don’t think it’s particularly much of stretch to suggest that Shelley, intentionally or unintentionally, might have added a lot more romantic subtext than given credit for. Not that it matters particularly narratively speaking what kind of love is portrayed, but in reference specifically to Clerval and the Ingolstadt chapters there’s a very good argument to be made regarding Shelley’s poor relationship with her own husband and how she may have projected a lot of her wish for that kind of care and sympathy into his character, perhaps not taking into account, or perhaps she did, how it would come across – author intentions are mostly lost with time and we’ll ultimately never know for sure, but even for the standards of the late 18th century when the novel was set and the early 19th century when it was written, “I desire the company of a man who could sympathise with me, whose eyes would reply to mine. You may deem me romantic,” and “your form so divinely wrought, and beaming with beauty, has decayed, but your spirit still visits and consoles your unhappy friend,” probably weren’t standard platonic sentiments.

And honestly on that essay excerpt, that still sums my thoughts on that subject up pretty much perfectly. After all, a character in a book talking about his best friend going “I loved him with a mixture of reverence and affection that knew no bounds” as well said best friend tenderly nursing him back to health, and the character talking about how his body is “divinely wrought and beaming with beauty” and gently pressing his hand and referring to him constantly as “my dearest”, “my dear” and “my beloved”, while living together and travelling together and talking about how his voice “soothes” him and “cheats (him) into a transitory peace”, pretty gay!

And yes, before anyone says a single thing, if it wasn’t already obvious from the essay excerpt, I do understand “the important themes the novel is about”. I do understand that there are more themes and characters and subject matter, and more than that, I bloody love it! Because this is one of my favourite novels! Of-fucking-course I’m invested in it on a deeper level than “ooOoooh what classical literature characters can I RUIN with my gay agenda today!” But you commented this on a joke post, a joke post, again, on Tumblr. No harm but Jesus Christ if there is a singular platform I can go on and just post stupid bullshit about two book characters from 200 years ago being soft and gay without having to justify that yes, I did in fact read the book, and shock horror yes, I do know that there are other themes, it’s bloody Tumblr. (Absolutely love you lot btw especially all my lovely fantastic incredible mutuals all your takes and readings and art is 👌✨ chef’s kiss)

Oh and by the way, op, I noticed you reblogged this:

And to be honest if I had to say any take or reading was a misunderstanding of the text, it’d be that one (as well as “Victor is sexist for cutting women out of the creation process” takes – Christ that’s just gross. And feels mildly if not explicitly homophobic.)

So just for shits and giggles to counter that argument, here’s another excerpt from the same older essay as before:

Speaking of Hugo, it is rather interesting how many adaptations and literary criticisms seem to go down the route of the Hunchback of Notre Dame moral of “who is the monster and who is the man?”, suggesting that Victor is the “true monster” of the narrative. And, as much as I am a decent Victor Hugo fan, (I’m over 50% through Les Misérables, have you seen the size of that book? I’d have to be), in reality the point of the story is that neither Creator nor Creation are more monster nor man than the other – Victor mutilates corpses and brings the creature to life, and allows Justine to be executed without owning up to his actions, and The Creature murders a child and a multitude of other innocent people, Clerval and Elizabeth who had nothing to do with anything and Ernest left completely alone with his entire family dead. We can’t acknowledge The Creature’s sympathetic qualities without also acknowledging Victor’s, and regardless, sympathetic motivations don’t make up for immoral actions.

Also this meme, which I can’t for the absolute life of me remember who posted it originally I’m sorry I use it all the time in GCs whoever it was you’re so valid:

[hickeys-dickey]

Pls share your thoughts about the gays in THAT scene… I would love to read them!

Ahh you are too kind, I am but a little swiss cheese brain but I'll try my best to sum up my thoughts, I have too many! I wanted a chance to grab some screenshots too! I'm going to put a read more because this is a long one buckle up lads.

So obviously the whole punishment for Hickey is designed to humiliate him (I would imagine this is one of the reasons his punishment isn't explained to him, because if Hickey truly was a naval petty officer he would know, and I think it's another way for Crozier to essentially say "I see you" and not in a good way). The fact we're not shown the other whippings shows the importance lies in the scene with Hickey.

I've seen a bit of discussion about his charge of "dirtiness", which isn't listed initially when we see him being questioned by the Captains, and whether or not it alludes to homosexuality but on a quick cursory search it does seem to have been used as a euphemism where an outright accusation of sodomy would mean a death sentence. The way Crozier throws it out there, no doubt to heap the humiliation onto Hickey and add crimes to the list to cover the fact he added lashes on to the punishment essentially for a bruised ego (but that's another matter), suggests a whole lot of venom to the accusation. Hickey's pointed look at Irving and Irving's quick shift of his gaze down suggests they both know exactly why Crozier has listed this among Hickey's list of crimes, and Hickey looks furious for it.

But I think this is also ultimately where the panic begins to set in. Again, there are far greater minds than me who have made excellent posts about queer coded characters in the terror, and I think it's no surprise that most of them are the faces that are focused on in this scence. It is clear long before this moment that Crozier's leadership is lacking, and people have already begun to voice concerns fairly loudly. Tozer for one is livid in the wake of Heather being injured, and the marines have clearly started distancing themselves from both the officers and the men. I feel like this scene, for a lot of characters is a point of major shift in either allegiences or character.

Tozer and the Captains are the first faces that are panned to in this scene and I think the expressions speak for themselves.

Tozer is visibly upset/concerned after the first lash. I do think guilt probably has a part to play, in that is was him whole told Hickey where Silna was, and presumably approved enough of the plan to not rat him out to anyone. Again, very probably part of Tozer's anger at Heather being injured due to what he sees is Crozier's poor management. Fitzjames is stoney faced, but is also the only one looking. As a man who many have noted pushes himself to pick emotional scabs, I think it would make sense for someone who is also notably queer coded and stuggles with trauma to make himself look directly at someone being whipped for a crime he himself might commit. Crozier isn't even looking, whether out of suddenly doubting his harshness or simply triggering something in his own memory it's not clear. I think the end of this shot also speaks for itself.

(Fig 1. Three Concerned (very likely not straight) men contemplate)

The lads at the back behind Mr. Johnson are all looking Directly At the whipping as it is taking place. Interestingly none of the men at the front near the table are looking. This is the stewards, officers, and marines. Whether out of respect or also Concern at their own skins (I think every one of these characters has been addressed as being queer coded at some point, minus the marines who are all, except Tozer, fairly nameless characters).

I'm not a gifmaker which is unfortunate for this section, though this is what is gifed in the beautiful gifset by sashneeka I reblogged (x). Tommy is also visibly upset, whether because he knows Tozer was involved in the plot to kidnap Silna and is concerned for him and any of the rest of the crew who had assisted in someway or voiced support. Billy interestingly does look briefly, and sets his jaw after in a way that suggests he's trying to fight the guilt of being the one to tell Irving about the whole affair with Hickey to paint himself in a better light. It could just as easily be Billy there on that table being lashed, but he somehow rationalises it in his head (probably because Hickey is a little bastard) that he was right in what he did. He does look down fairly guiltily after this, so maybe he hasn't quite settled on an opinion. Jopson also looks incredibly concerned/unsettled, and interestingly looks at Hickey right up until the whip hits where he flinches, and not for the only time in this scene. From what we know about Jopson's past, though not at this point, it may well be he is remembering similar punishment/mistreatment and like Fitzjames looks enough to pick the scab open and flinch from his own trauma.

The closeup of Hickey shows the full extent of his rage and humiliation building, and as I think Adam himself said, they whipped something out of Hickey that day and let him reach this potential that lay inside him (to become an even bigger bastard). He's fully severed all ties and feelings of loyalty after this and it becomes full on train to manipulation station from this point. I have a lot of Thoughts about Hickey also (which I am sure you are all aware of) but I think there was some semblance of Hickey attempting to start afresh on this journey, or at the very least keep his head down and go unnoticed. The trouble is, he notices Crozier as a flawed man, and one not from the upper classes like himself, and his ego can't help but think we're not so different, that could be me with the right connections. Well surprise lads, its murder time now and he's gonna make this old man pay for not recognising initiative but punishing it. I do wonder if Crozier wasn't booze sick and rattled from losing even more men under his command, would he not have come down so harshly for someone clearly defying the Articles to do what he thinks is right and save the men (a la Crozier and his fuck you I'm directly contradicting an order and leading this rescue party myself).

Tozer gets another wee closeup here and again looks like he has resolved something in his head too. Most likely that he thinks Crozier an unfit leader, and admiring Hickey for having the balls to do what he did (Hickey also never reveals anyone else who came with him, and when he talks about Hartnell and Mason's part in taking Silna it highlights their skill and bravery and (he thinks) commends them to the Captain. It's probably the only time we see him building up and applauding others). He looks dead ahead here and seems to have a very steely gaze, like yep fuck it looks like I'm going it alone now. It is interesting that Tozer goes from this to notably disliking Hickey (both at the start and when they are packing up - "you've just given me an excuse to give a big shove". This might be anger at Hickey having caused all the issues with Silna after the fact when Heather gets killed at Carnivale), but still follows him in the end. Hickey has the ability to kill, manipulate, steal, basically do whatever needed for their group to get ahead, which means Tozer can be part of the group and not have to dirty his own hands. I think Tozer probably has a complicated relationship with Hickey, but he does fall for the charm hook, line, and sinker, and the fact he seems concerned for him here suggests how easily he is sympathetic to those he sees as being wronged.

Gibby getting Hickey's blood on his hand (ayy) seems to visibly make him blanch, and I do find it interesting that the shot then pans to Tommy as though they are looking at each other when they are stood side by side. The similarities between them maybe? (I've seen and reblogged a lot of discourse about Tommy loving Tozer, maybe another nod to no one being so different to the man on the table?) Irving doesn't get much of a close up in the rest of this scene but bless him he looks equal parts terrified and guilty (another man who has been noted as having a list of many things to distract from the Gay Thoughts like why do you need to distract from Gay Thoughts Irving?). He also has the Far Off Look of trauma about him, probably because he too could just as easily be on that table.

I have many many thoughts about the way Hickey turns to look (and fucking smile???) at Crozier next, which is when Crozier is looking directly at him and Fitzjames looks at him. Like if I were Crozier I think my fucking blood would chill, look at this man. Being humiliated and lashed still hasn't broken him, if anything he has just become fully unhinged and looks at Crozier as though to say "did you really think this would work?". I would also say, this man has fairly quite for someone who is at this stage something like 22 lashes in? Like what the actual fuck Hickey?? I fully belive Hickey to be a psycopath, and most of what he does in the beginning of the series is an attempt to stay hidden until they get to Hawaii and he can ditch the crew, but I think it is fairly safe to say he isn't hiding it any more.

And he knows this is going to make the men doubt Crozier - I can't do a proper search because I am using my work laptop atm, but I seem to remember reading that a punishment greater than 12 lashes required a court martial (probably why Little steps in to say so when Crozier orders his punishment as well as them technically being lost at sea), which would be another strike against him as a Captain. Not only that, but Crozier does seem to grant him some mercy in letting him only be lashed I think 23 or so times? Probably because the tension is fucking palpable in this whole scene and Crozier can either choose to claw back some sense of control on the matter, or deal with the consequences of many people admiring Hickey for what he has done for the crew and start a mutiny. I think this is the first time Fitzjames sees the damage Crozier is doing to himself with his choices as Captain, and is probably just as concerned at the look Hickey is giving him. He knows this has unleashed something in this tiny rat bastard too, and that he will become the physical manifestation of Crozier's self-destructive tendancies. Crozier perpetually comes to everything just a fraction too late to change anything - he never saves any of the men, only comforts them as they die, and a lot of this has to do with his own ego and bad decision making, and I think this is the first example here of the fact his actions are having an effect on others to the point it will be his downfall.

Anyway, to round it off, I think this scene really epitomises the notion that Hickey is a mirror to the rest of the men, and they see their flaws in him. Those who have questioned Crozier's captaincy look concernced knowing they too could be being lashed. They too would have tried to get Silna to stop the Tuunbaq hunting them. Those who are queer or queer coded know they too could be being lashed for it. Crozier himself sees his unwillingness to follow the Articles in him, sees his own insubordination, and feels what Sir John meant when he said his position afforded him deference. Hickey may as well be a metaphor for all the men being lashed, theres not one among them who haven't voiced wanting to do what he has done. Let them without sin and all that. This is make or break for who holds loyalty to the Captain, and the turning point for who is going where. I think everyone except Jopson, Irving and Fitzjames ends up in the mutineers camp, and Irving ends up killed and mutilated by Hickey and Fitzjames is scavanged by them. Theres not one of them that isn't haunted by what happened in this scene, and Hickey would end up being the death of every single one of them. The only one who remains loyal after this is Jopson, who thinks his care and duty to the Captain can outweigh his other sins. Fitzjames and Crozier have a stronger relationship once he recovers from his withdrawal, yes, but Fitzjames also keeps him in check now (I'm thinking of Edward Little being threatened with flogging again because of course I am), and it is another step too late for Crozier's self-destruction. I've seen a Hickey/Fitzjames Christ analogy on here before too, so I hope you'll forgive me in comparing them, but Hickey in this scene really does get punished for everyone else's crimes in this scene, and becomes a sort of Christ-like figure, reborn as a complete version of the worst of himself from the pain of being lashed. They whipped something out of him!! Anyway, that about sums it up!

[meta-squash]

I did a long thread on twitter analyzing/interpreting You’re My Waterloo for the fun of it, but it was mostly for the amusement/interest of myself and like one other friend on there that likes The Libertines. So I figured I’d transcribe it over here where people might get more out of it? Since it was a twitter thread, the sentences might be a bit weird and stilted, by the way. So:

I'm glad they waited to record Waterloo until 2015. I feel like any other time would have been wrong. I know Peter was playing the slow version back in at least 2007 but I think it would have been sad in a different way if they had recorded it before 2015. Like, in 2015 it's just a straight up love song that's slightly sad because, well, it's Peter. If they had recorded it before I feel like it'd have been a love song with resentment wound through it.  There's just a lot of emotion in that song and if there's one thing Peter is really really good at doing, it's Emoting Intensely. But it's not just Peter, the piano is so beautiful and the strings are beautiful and Carl's guitar solo is Intense. It's all A Lot. Like, of all the songs that Peter has written about Carl, about their relationship and career and experiences together, THIS is the one where you can feel most strongly the near-obsessive type adoration. So I’m glad they waited to record it properly when they were friends again (also I’m mildly surprised that it was Carl’s suggestion to rerecord it). Anyway.

Fuck the first verse of this song is a lot. This whole song is a lot. I mean it starts off with such a sad sentiment, it's almost a warning? "You'll never fumigate the demons / No matter how much you smoke." You can't smoke away sadness no matter how much you want to. Bitterly ironic, considering the sorts of things Peter ended up smoking etc to chase away demons, the types of extremes they both went to above and beyond just trying to fumigate. But anyway. "Just say you love me for three good reasons / And I'll throw you the rope." It's just so fucking codependent. So intensely obsessive and codependent. There was a quote, I think maybe from Roger Sargent?, about Peter crying outside a venue in like 2002 because even then he was scared about losing his friendship with Carl to the Something Bigger of fame. This feels like a desperate bid to hang on to that love. But also like Peter is so intense. Every video of interviews where he's sitting next to Carl or gigs when they're friends or reunions or whatever, he just wants to be in Carl's space and have Carl's gaze and his attention and stuff. Like a cat that sits on your work.

Again, a digression. Oops. I said I was in a mood. It's so interesting that while it's definitely a love song To Carl, the only direct mention of Love is asking for love From Carl. It's like he's working on the assumption that his feelings are obvious (they are) and desperately wants reassurance or reciprocation.

"You don't need it / Because you are the survivor / Of more than one life" We know the origin of this is apparently Carl's dead twin brother. But also the offering of a rope only to reassure that no, you don't need it is just so...I don't know...sweet? Especially because while "throw you the rope" is obviously a symbol of rescue it could just as easily be a noose. Except that it's neither. Because he doesn't need it. Because he can survive fucking anything, because they love each other--he hopes. It’s like, if you love me as much as I love you, I’ll try to help you, even though I know you don’t need me because you just need to realize you can do it on your own. "And you're the only lover I had / Who ever slept with a knife" The interview where they talk about this line is so funny. "No it's not about us. But Carl did sleep with a knife and the line about being a survivor is about Carl having a dead twin and Peter saying he was the twin reincarnated. But it’s totally not about us." Anyway. Ugh just so much of this song seems to be about Peter being Super Obvious and open about his love for Carl and Carl being more closed off. Carl being the only lover who slept with a knife; he'll accept the love but he's wary of it and wary giving it.

(By the way by love I don't necessarily mean Romantic or Sexual love. They clearly adore each other one way or another, that's obvious enough. But Best Friendship love is 100% a thing.) (However, the Judy Garland line is so funny to me because "Friend of Dorothy" was a secret code for gay men for a while. And considering the amount of queer literature etc Peter references in everything, there's no way he didn't know this.)

I can't really go in depth into the Tony Hancock line since I really don't know much about Hancock and I know that it was a real touchstone for Peter and Carl. But it plus the Judy Garland line feels like a "neither of us have ever really had a home, but we found one in each other" thing. Which is. A lot. Especially with the "until the dawn" bit, because a main component of so many stories about them from other people is the two of them staying up for days together writing and adventuring and just doing stuff and no one else being able to get in their little bubble.

I love the "ahh" after "Stone the crows" and the way the music starts to swell. It's obvious that the next verse is the Important One. And it is. There's the story about Peter crashing an event at the Old Vic while Carl was ushering to tell him they should be writing together and everyone who's there are dicks. But it's also like...so many layers of what is success and what is appreciation and how do you express love. I assume the flowers are not from his show, that he's collected them from the stage after someone else's show. But it's reusing tokens of mostly empty/superficial/performative appreciation--the tradition of tossing flowers on the stage--as a token of genuine love. Sitting through an entire performance, watching someone else's success and dreaming of being there and then using the token of appreciation for that person to instead give it to the person you yourself appreciate and love and want to succeed with. It's like a promise, a "we'll get there." But also another act of desperation because he's been sitting there for hours. Carl wasn't there to receive the gift and wasn't there to write with him. But he's been chasing words around on the page--the love-words to this song or the words to another one?--and he needs Carl there to really complete it, needs Carl there to hear it. It's very much in line with Peter yelling that they should be writing. This intense "Please be with me please accept the way I express myself please complete my incomplete bits please like me as much as I like you" etc.

And then the chorus which is so interesting. I desperately wish I understood the Gypsy Lane and Stanley Park references. I think Stanley Park is a footie reference but I’m not sure? I'm trying to do all of the interpretation off my own brain and not use the notes on the Genius website or anywhere else but I wanted to see if those two references here had been crowdsourced. Apparently both Gypsy Lane and Stanley Park are places he spent time in his childhood (and I called it on the football reference, yes!). Which is. Wow. Okay. And then there's Waterloo which is a whole thing in itself. It's Waterloo as Waterloo but also Waterloo Station. So Carl is able to be Peter's Ultimate Defeat, the thing that has the ability to ruin him. But also Waterloo Station is near the Old Vic where Carl worked & would go to theatre bars, so it's also a place of familiarity. Since I don't know anything else about the Gypsy Lane reference, I can only assume it's also a place of comfort and familiarity. So Peter's admitting to Carl's power over him, ability to hurt him, but offering to comfort him in return. (Important for later.)

"I'm so glad we know just what to do / And exactly who's to blame" I love this line because it knows it's wrong. Especially in 2015 but maybe even in the early days. They bounced blame back and forth between them for YEARS. Not to mention all the outside bullshit. And obviously they didn't know what to do. The Waterloo/Stanley Park is another reference to a familiar place and a power to hurt/offer to comfort moment. I wish I knew if there was some sort of proper football reference here (aka a QPR reference since that's Peter's team) but I know absolutely nothing about sport so idk.

"Well I'm so glad we know just what to do / And no one's left / Stumbling around / Tumbling around / Fumbling around / In the dark" The way Peter sings this sounds so hopeful and sad at the same time. It's interesting to know this line was written way, way back. Like, this song was apparently one of the first ever songs they demoed. The demo is a lot more frantic and less romantic but jesus christ. The way Peter sings it now it's like he knows that was just an unconscious self-fulfilling prophecy. Like, no, they absolutely were left in the dark, hurting each other over and over and not being able/willing to place blame or to communicate. Except now, in 2015, they're not anymore. (and especially not now in 2021). But it's also another desire for comfort. Like, Peter's offering the comfort here. But he's also just confessed the power to hurt that Carl has. So this is also a "are you going to offer me comfort the way I've offered it to you?" sort of question. 

And then there's the solo which. Woof. It feels like a response to Peter's words. Like reaching out with sound. Like a shoulder-squeeze or a hug in response, something nonverbal that’s really trying to catch up and match up to the intense emotions in the words. The music crescendos and the solo is literally waves of notes that roll up and down and up and then it crashes down but lands so softly at the feet of the chorus.

And then we have equal footing, sort of (and Carl as Jesus again). Carl is still Peter's Waterloo, his ultimate defeat (or his place of comfort). But now Peter is Carl's Calvary. Which is the place where Jesus was crucified. Peter’s been offering comfort to Carl, but suddenly Peter has power over Carl. It's like...veneration and threat at once. Carl's Jesus, the savior, but also if he doesn't love Peter, Peter has the power to crucify him (or at least threatens to have that power). Or it's another portent: Carl could be Peter's savior, except that everything falls apart and Carl ends up hurt instead. They both end up hurt instead. So then they're on equal footing.

Which brings them to the "Well I'm so glad we know just what to do," which feels a little sadder but also a little more confident than the other two. The answer is in the "Everyone's gonna be happy / But of course." They need to work to figure out how to make each other happy, how to be comfort rather than hurt. It's not that simple. It never is. The "But of course" is a sarcy acknowledgement of how difficult that actually is. But it's also that sort of quiet hopefulness that yeah, maybe soon we'll figure it out and everyone will be happy and will get to say "of course I'm happy" about it.

[steponmepinkjun]

I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what��� i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

[loregoddess]

I just shot up in bed because I had a realization. if yunobo is daruk’s descendent that implies that daruk had kids, right? and since yunobo is a goron, that implies daruk had kids with another goron. all gorons are male. does daruk is gay?????? pls give your input on this revelation (like lowkey he gives big gay himbo vibes so we done been knew but—)

*slaps hands together* Do I have some Goron theories and headcanons to share with you, dear anon. (Under the cut bc guess who cannot shut up).

But first, for whatever it’s worth I end up headcanoning all fictional characters as LGTBA+ which totally plays into how I interpret the Gorons. So just know that that’s my bias as I write these theories and headcanons.

And also yeah, Daruk does seem very gay, and we love him for it.

So I’ve seen a lot of speculation about the Gorons and their reproduction, and also some interesting ideas about gender in Goron society. To start, I’ll go over some of the theories about Goron gender I’ve encountered. There’s this wonderful post which I reblogged recently, which looks at why Gorons are allowed in Gerudo Town in BotW. I’ll let you read the post for the full explanation, but in short the original Japanese text of the game suggests that the Gerudo don’t view the Goron as “men”, possibly because of how the Gerudo construct gender in their own society.

This then suggests that it was other races, such as Hylians, who started referring to the Gorons as “men” when they first met, and that the Gorons just kinda went with it because they might have figured that’s just how Hylian language works, which also might explain why they refer to literally everyone as “brother” (although “first meeting” is a bit vague because Gorons are literally one of the oldest races, possibly older than the Sheikah, if SS is anything to go by, so it could also just be a linguistics thing where the Gorons are speaking Hylian rather than their own language, and trying to work around the cultural linguistic differences as best they can). If the Gerudo don’t view the Gorons as “men” then it’s possible that the Gorons don’t actually have a strict set of gender roles/identities in their own culture, and fall on the nonbinary spectrum rather than into the “women/men” binary of other cultures. If the Gerudo understood this, then obviously the Gorons aren’t men and so it’s fine if they enter Gerudo Town.

Now, this obviously raises the question of, “So what’s up with those three Gorons who are obsessed with becoming manly men in the BotW shrine quests?” And for that I have two possible explanations. One, we do still have to remember that LoZ is a piece of fictional media written by humans who are going to project their own cultural and societal ideas into the writing, which likewise means that the potential nb coding was entirely unintentional and that the manly men Gorons of BotW were written, unfortunately, as a joke. Hate to be the cynic, but I’ve been burned by writers too often not to at least consider this possibility. However, canon is dead and fans build their own understandings and interpretations of fiction to suit their desires, SO I am also allowed to build off the cultural exchange I was talking about earlier--it’s entirely possible that while the Gorons don’t have any strict definition of gender in their own culture, their interactions with other cultures would have introduced them to different concepts of gender, and the three Goron in BotW therefore could be acting out “men’s” gender roles (or at least behaviors they view as masculine) intentionally as an exploration of gender, rather than as an enactment of Goron culture.

So, in short? I headcanon the Goron as nonbinary, with a few members exploring different gender identities found outside their culture.

Now, onto reproduction. I can’t find the original source, but I once came across a theory that Gorons are essentially uh...asexual (in reproduction, not sexual orientation, although I’m sure we could have ace Gorons as well). The specific theory I remember was someone speculating that the rock formations on Gorons’ backs are actually their future progeny, and “fall off” to become tiny baby Gorons, which is why some of the Goron elders have far, far fewer back-rock formations than the younger Gorons. Building off this, I’d speculate that the Goron’s diet of rocks could change the “genetics” of their future offspring just enough to cause genetic variation in Gorons, leading to the variations in physical appearance that we see in the Gorons’ designs, while also still allowing for things like Daruk’s Protection to be “passed down” to future generations.

To be fair though, I honestly don’t spend too much time thinking about fantasy reproduction because otherwise the Gerudo become a never-ending headache for me, and I also gave myself a headache with a different fictional media trying to figure out how a human-alien hybrid was even vaguely possible. Also, looking into various fictional media theories, there’s always those homophobic fans I inevitably come across trying to justify why certain couples “can’t have children” even though the fantasy world has like, dragons and magic and could therefore also steal the “ye olde stork brings baby to couple” myth, and the hypothetical baby has their parents stats bc a game world is fictitious and built on mathematic algorithms that do not give a shit about characters’ genders. But I digress. Headcanon whatever floats your goats honestly.

[painandpleasure86]

Gimme your comfort, I suffer of love (deazello week 2020)

A/N: Hi ppl! Another fic for this ship week hosted by @roger-taylors-car !! Now taking the prompt "cuddles" and "secret affair"

The name of this fic it's based in a gay love song from the argentinian rock band Los abuelos de la nada. The original phrase is "Dame tu consuelo, yo sufro de amor".

Summary: the day after the tea time, Joe haves an audition and he will tell how it was to John.

Word count: +2500 (my longest fic for now)

Warning: the things are spicy, so... Don't interact if youre a minor. Don't throw hate if you don't like this kind of writing pls.

Permanent taglist: @warriorteam1924 @toomuchlove-willkillyou (sorry if you're uncomfortable with this kind of writing).

If you liked it, please reblog! That will help me to reach to more ppl :3

----------------

When they finally ended the tea time and the men greeted, the older whispered in the ears of the younger "you can come home when you want…  I barely left home lately".

Joe just can nod but both knew the real response.

They already started a new chapter in their life...

----------------

Monday morning. He was preparing for a casting that he will have after that day. He passed in front of the door of his neighbor to see if he was there. He wasn't. "Well I'll try when I come back of the audition" he thought.

Joseph watched to his son walked sad in front of the porch of John's house.

"Joe, come here! John isn't your friend, it's just your neighbor and he don't like to be bothered!"

The young man was approaching to his dad's car.

"Let me be act like I want. I'll turn 22 this year! And John really liked me."

"He just was polite and kind with you." replied his father.

Joe knew that he didn't just was kind and polite with him. But that isn't something that he can say to his dad.

-------

The audition was a failure. Was a big opportunity to make detach his career, but they rejected him for being "too old" for the role. But that was a excuse, because a famous young star also auditioned for that role. And had his same age. "If you reject me, at least be fucking sincere and told that was because that guy was also in the audition" he thought dissapointed. He was so sad and almost crying in his dad's car.

"Joe, relax. You know that you will still have your  job in the dance studio if your acting career haven't success." said Joseph, trying to cheer up his son.

"I know. But I want to act. I'll pull myself together, because I know that I should do better…"

Joseph smiled.

"That's Queen." noted the man.

"Yeah, you can see why I love that band, dad?"

And a smile appeared in his face.

"I see." added, watching to the road.

----------------

 When they came to his house, he was to the door of his neighbor.

"Dad, come home. I'll try to speak a little with the neighbor."

"Okay Joey. You're an adult anyways." he sighed resigned and entered to the house.

Joe took the doorbell.

"Yeah?" someone asked for the intercom.

"John it's in home now? It's his new neighbor, Joey".

"YEAH! I'll call him".

That voice was Laura. She was happy for listen that American accent again.

He watched to the old man came to the main door.

"Joe!"

"Mister!"

"Call me John please" 

"Okay John".

And both hugged.

Both started to walk to the house.

"How are you Joe?" asked the bassist.

Trying to lie, Joe replied "fine".

"No boy, you aren't fine. You don't fool me".

"I could do it, I'm an actor...well, a bad try" said Joe watching to the sky and sighing.

"Oh now I understand your low. An audition was wrong no?"

"Exactly" and Joes eyes started to be full of tears.

Both stopped to walk. He started to cry in the shoulder of the old man. This one puts his left hand over the head of the young, caressing his hair. With his another arm, he hugged him. Joe hugged to the man in response.

"You will have success Joe, don't give up". And give to the young man a little kiss in the head. He couldn't contain his reaction.

Ronnie and Laura appeared when both men were hugging.

"Oh it's Joe again. What's up?"

"Oh hi Joe!" exclaimed Laura excited.

The men left the embrace and watched to the woman and the girl.

"He failed a big audition I think" replied John.

"Oh he needs a cup of tea and some muffins" told Ronnie.

Still sobbing, Joe responded "I'm lactose intolerant, but thank you sweet lady… and hi Laura" trying to smile.

Ronnie and Laura blushed again for the kindness of the young man.

"Come in then" replied Ronnie and both men entered to the house.

"Ugh girls why you're inopportune" thought John.

----------------

The men were in the living. Ronnie asked to Laura to help her with the tea, despite the girl would prefer stare in front of Joe, contemplating his beauty.

"Was a big audition no?"

"Yeah… but that motherfucker quitted me the role. For God's sake, you already have a lot of work and success, why you need something like that?"

"Like I said, you will have success, perhaps this wasn't your time, huh?" the elder smiled kindly and puts a gentle hand over the left lap of the younger for a moment. This one started to feel nervous but great at the same time. His reply was a shy smile and a "thank you John".

When both men were talking about some things, the girls came with the tea. Laura, by her insistence, was the one to give the tea to Joe. "He-here's the tea, Joe" said the girl, without watch to the redhead. Her cheeks were fire.

"Thank you Laura" and give to the girl a little kiss in her right cheek.

The girl was so excited for that little kiss. "Oh will be with you in some years my beautiful american boy" she thought smiling, meanwhile was going to sit.

When Ronnie came, Joe said "Thank you Ronnie for the idea of the tea… sorry for that scene in your porch."

"You will have your opportunity Joe, you should add more artistic skills, to have more opportunities. You told us that you also know how to dance… what about learn an instrument?" And she watched at John, that was drinking his tea and opened widely his greenish eyes.

Gulped his tea and, leaving his cup in the tea table, he said "I could teach to him something" and watched to the redhead smiling. "What you think, Joe?"

"I love that idea", responded the young man.

After a lovely chat with the women, the men were going to the basement, where the music things were.

Laura said to her mother when they were alone "that guy really likes me"

Ronnie replied, smiling "my dear, he's only kind with you. He knows that you're a child to him. Surely he should be interested in someone near of his a-"

"MUUUUUUUUM LUKE WOKE OF HIS NAP AND FELL FROM HIS CRIB" irrumped Joshua in the living room.

The woman was upstairs running… she can hear her little son crying.

Laura, meanwhile, was daydreaming in the couch...

------

The men were in the basement. A place with old things, but also all his basses, amplifiers, another instruments and the album certifications. "This place it's the only one that contains my 20 years playing… well I still do it. We are ending a final album, but very slowly. After that, no more music industry for me. At least, playing a bass." he said to the young man. After a little tour, they sat in a couch that were there. Joe cuddled to John and started to cry again. The old man hugged with his right arm and with his left hand caressed the hair of the young man.

"Finally alone" he said and give another kiss in the head of the another.

"Thank you for comforting. Really. I didn't thought that you were that kind, lovely and… beautiful man. I could be here forever. Hugging you, feeling your heartbeats, smelling your parfum… I found paradise in your arm" confessed Joe, blushing his cheeks a little. He hugged to the elder tighter.

"I'm feeling honoured that I can make feel of that way to someone like you… God, I just knew you last Saturday, but… y'know… you makes me feel things that I didn't thought that I'd feel again" Leaving partially the embrace to smell Joe's parfum, he murmured "your smell it's also nice" and his self control was taken… he started to kiss that soft neck. And the young left go a little moan.

For a while, both forgot their problems. They started to loose in lust waters.

To Joe was the first time with a man. He left his will to the another one.

"Gosh, my dreams are becoming true…" said Joe meanwhile the elder was kissing his neck and caressing slowly with his left hand since the neck until the thighs. Right hand, to press that guy's head over his. "Make me yours, please". 

The another, approximating to the boy's ear, whispered "of course, my sweet boy" and pressed the young's bulge. A deep sigh.

The elder then sat in the lap of the young, opening his legs, being face to face. He continued kissing the neck, meanwhile the another pressed the head of the another with his left hand. Right hand was caressing the another's back, reaching until the pants and trying to quit the shirt that was under the pants. When he could do it, he started to caress the warm bare skin under the clothes. He was eager for feel that but with his whole body.

The man also sighed deeply.

Joe closed his eyes and started to supplicate

"Please kiss m-" and was interrupted for his lover, who was now grabbing his face with both hands and kissing deeply. Both tongues where in contact, the young sucked a bit the tongue of the elder.

The clothes started to be an annoyance.

Both quitted the sweater of the another. The old man started to unbutton the shirt of the guy. When he unbuttoned 3 buttons, his left hand started to caress the chest of the redhead. The young could feel the calluses because of being a musician.

The man whispered "it's so soft… like I imagined" and tried to kiss to the another again. But this one said "lemme feel your chest too" watching right to the eyes. "Okay" and made a smirk. Half of the buttons were unbuttoned and  when his eyes watched the result, he couldn't resist to bite his lower lip. His breath accelerated a bit more. He sighed. With his right hand could feel that hairy chest, that one that just could imagine touch in his wet dreams. And the left hand was placed in the back side of the elder man's head, passing his hand through the gray hair and kissing deeply, with passion. The another had his left hand over right cheek of the guy and the right hand was ending to unbuttoning that shirt.

Accelerated breathes. When they less can notice, both were shirtless. Both could feel the bare skin of the another, feeling the warm, feeling the breath of the another being faster. Now the redhead can caress without problems the back of his lover, that thing that just lived in his fantasies. 

"Sir…"

The another listened with attention. He loved being named of that way in that moment.

"We shouldn't quit our pants… we yet have our shoes".

"Let me do it for you" and he was then sat in the floor, quitting the shoes. 

Surprising to Joe, the man started to unzip the pants. Being in his knees, grabbed the genitals through the underwear.

"This is so tight… and hard." John watched to his lover.

"DO IT. DO IT! SUCK IT PLEASE"

"Shhhh Joey, don't shout. We aren't alone." And he quitted his hand of the genitals and he started to quit the shoes and his pants. And didn't leave to the guy cooperate.

"This is your punishment".

The young stood up of the couch and murmured to the right ear of John "gotcha". And he pushed to the another to the next free wall.

"I can play that game too, sir" whispered.

And he started to kiss him and grab the bulge with his right hand. The boxers were white, that didn't left nothing to the imagination.

Watching to john's eyes, Joe said "now I can confirm the myth". Both smiled.

Moments later, he asked "Quit my pants Sir and do what you wanted to do to me before in the couch. I can't handle it anymore"

He was pushed to the wall and now the another was in his knees, quitting not only the pants, but also the boxers.

The young watched the scene, trying to not cum before his dick were sucked.

Being naked now, he saw how his dick was sucked slowly and his balls being squeezed for one of that hands.

"Do it quickly please or fuck me… you're as hard as me. This isn't funny"

The another didn't replied. His mouth was occupied.

Five minutes later he left to suck that dick and, stood up and said "wait there" and he came back with a little bottle of lube.

"How you hav-"

"Was a bottle that I never could use with my wife. So, ended here."

"Turn around please, give me that little young ass"

"But your b-"

"I'll quit myself… now. Okei. Both naked. Now, relax."

He inserted the index finger from his right hand. The young moaned hard. "Don't misfire! Don't misfire!" Joe thought trying to control himself.

"Shhhhhhh we're doing this in secret"

"Okay sir"

"Do you want another finger?"

"Please".

And he inserted the middle finger too. That hole was so tight.

"Well Joey, I quitted your anal virginity" he whispered in the left ear of the redhead and started to move faster his fingers

"Liar?" Joe asked.

"Yeah"

"That's my fave bassline of yours… your face, your body language, your fingers always made me cum…"

"I could make you cum with my fingers… but I want to fuck you now…" John quitted the fingers of the hole and asked to his lover "now go to the couch and put like a dog"

John covered his dick with lube and was to Joe.

He grabbed that hips with his hands and start to fuck to the boy. Both moaned, but not too high. The man started to move faster and faster, grabbing stronger Joe's hips … He didn't wanted to say it to Joe, but he was more eager for cum than Joe.

"I already cum"

"Me too"

And both cummed. 

Trying to recover their breath, they cuddled.

"Was great John, better than in my dreams. But next time, in a bed please"

"Ronnie it's always around here...well… Sunday morning, not. She was to the Church with the kids. Next Sunday will be in my bed and you can moan as high as you want."

"Ooooh great. But now we should put our clothes and do whatever we supposed to do here".

"Yeah, but not now. I want to rest a littl-"

Ronnie knocked the door.

"John, Joe, are you okay?" she screamed.

"Yeah sweetie, we were already done for today".

"Okay boys!" And she was going to the kitchen.

Watching to Joe, John said "that's why I said that you couldn't moan high…" and added "tomorrow, same hour. But the next time, I'll start to teach you bass. She had a really good idea…"

"So good that also can let us to have our own time alone" finished Joe, winking an eye.

An affair started that afternoon. Something that both wanted. Something that both needed.

**************

If you liked it, please reblog! That will help me to reach to more ppl :3

Lily.

[bapyess1r]

Sunny Daze

WARNINGS: cursing

Pairings: Sam x OC, Rafe x OC

Author’s Note: sorry if I don’t get all the details correct but I’m really excited to be writing this XD I have such plans for Sam and Sunny and it deserves to take some time 😭💖 pls enjoy!

Chapter 4

Sunny’s POV

I sat in the bathroom stall, pulling up the blueprints of the estate and pointed out the ventilation system. “The vents’ll only take you but so far, Natey. You’re gonna have to figure some shit out. Maybe climb a little on the outside to get in.” I noted in a hushed tone.

‘Of course. Because easy would be too cliche.’ I heard him joke.

“You’ll have to cut through the cellar. Ten minutes on the clock, bub. Get goin’.” I smiled as I tucked my handheld back into my clutch.

‘You’re the best.’

“Yeah, Yeah…” I smirked before flushing the toilet to make some noise and exiting the stall.

I looked in the bathroom mirror, touching up my makeup and holding small talk with the other women present. I got many compliments on my dress and all I could do was thank them, bragging about how Rafe Adler bought the dress for me to appease their ears. As I left, satisfied with the way I looked, I bumped into what I thought was a wall. The soft pair of hands told me otherwise. When I looked up my eyes met with a beautiful woman. ‘Aaand I’m gay…’ I thought as a blush spread across my cheeks. She had soft curly hair, brown skin, light eyes and high cheekbones with a sophisticated mole just above her curved lips. She had a few scars but it didn’t take away from her beauty one bit. As I grabbed onto her shoulders to steady myself, I was shaken by the structure of her arms. ‘I’m really gay…’. And when she smiled politely, I truly thought that I would just die. “Are you alright?” She asked me with an accent I couldn’t place. Whatever it was, it sat right in my spirit and sounded like music. I felt my face heat up as I pulled away from her.

“Yes! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bump into you like that.” I said, clutching the life out of my purse, truly taken aback by this wonderful lady and her athletic build behind a red blouse and dress pants with a simple pair of sensible heels. She shot me a heart wrenching smile and I couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot. To avoid further embarrassment, I continued my way to Rafe. “Enjoy the rest of your evening!” I called to her in a voice very unnatural to my own. “Holy shit…” I mumbled as I made my way to the ice sculpture, surrounded by glasses of champagne. I knew things were about to go down so I opted to make it my last glass. I sipped it slowly.

‘Dammit! It’s locked…’ I heard Sully say in my ear.

“What’s locked?” I asked, changing my course and heading to the emptiest balcony. I heard Nate sigh.

‘I thought you propped it open! Can we pick it?’ I heard Sam say. And like a bunch of children, the three began to bicker. I rolled my eyes, listening as they did when they abruptly stopped conversation.

“Boys?” I asked, looking around briefly.

‘Did you see that? Back left pocket.’ Sully murmured.

“What’s happening?” I asked, sipping my champagne.

‘Doors locked electronically, we’re gonna lift a key card. Standby.’ Sam informed me. I huffed as I crept back into the ballroom to watch their backs, stealthily avoiding Rafe as best as I could. I listened to the Drake brothers bicker in my ear about who was gonna do the lift when they decided to “run it like the old days.” Yet even with Sam’s distraction, the waiter they tailed kept moving. I rolled my eyes as I watched them struggle and decided to get it done myself. I scanned the room for a waiter and one just happened to exit from a room down the hall. I watched as she put the key card in her front pocket and smirked as I made my way towards her. I succeeded in one try with a classic bump and lift technique, quickly tucking the key under the back of my wig with a slick smirk. I weaved my way through the people to meet Nathan and Sam as they watched the waiter again for another try as they continued to mock each other.

“Oh boys. You take entirely too long.” I mumbled to them as I walked by, pulling the key from my wig to flash it to them on the low and slipped it into Nathan’s breast pocket. Sam caught my gaze and raised an eyebrow, flexing his lower lip with impression as I walked to the bar to join Rafe.

‘I could’ve handled it…’ Nathan mumbled.

‘Right. Of course you could.’ Sam replied. I reached the bar and placed a hand on his shoulder with a smile. He slipped his arm around my waist, resting a hand on my hip and pulling me close.

“I was wondering where you’d run off to.” He whispered to me.

“Just touching up my makeup! Girl stuff!” I told him. I gave him a lot of half truths all night and he believed every word.

‘Alright we’re in.’ I heard Nathan say.

‘Make it quick, boys.’ Sully told them. And so the plan started. ‘I’ll grab ya when it goes dark, Sunny.’ I couldn’t respond but I got the message.

I stayed with Rafe as he entertained a bunch of rich old white men, their wives absolutely enchanted by his handsome looks and charisma. All the while he kept his hands on me. I would hook my arm with his, daintily caressing his arm as I sipped my drink while he talked. After a while it got old. He began to sound like a game show host. I stood for about two or three minutes listening to him make terrible jokes in his stories. And because of his status, everyone laughed to validate him. ‘Hurry the hell up, boys. This man is literally killing me…’ I thought as Rafe looked behind me. I shot my glance to where he did and my stomach flipped. He had spotted Sully, chatting to a familiar looking figure. “See someone you know?” I asked, playing off my slight nervousness.

“Yeah. An old friend…” he replied, gritting his teeth. “If he’s around, trouble isn’t far behind… Let’s go give him a little greeting, shall we?” Something didn’t sit right with me when he said that. But I smiled and followed him anyway. As we made our way over, I noticed Sam had already secured a uniform and was slowly making his way through the crowd with a platter of champagne. When he caught my eyes he winked at me. ‘Thank God…’ I thought. This would all be over soon. I could hear Sully’s conversation with the woman he called Nadine. She asked about Nathan and he sighed, feigning ignorance.

“I’ve been flying solo for a while now. Drake’s out!” He said, taking a sip of his scotch.

“Oh! You mean like… ‘dead’ out?” I heard the woman’s voice and as we approached I noticed it was that woman I ran into earlier. My chest tightened as Rafe put on a smile.

“Nah, no! Last I heard he settled down and got married.” He took a puff of his cigar and his expression faltered a bit when he noticed me. And Rafe rolled straight into the conversation.

“Well then he might as well be dead, right?” He chuckled. “Victor Sullivan! How the hell are you?” He stuck his hand out and they shared a strong handshake.

“Rafe.” He said, with a polite smile.

“How long has it been? Ten years? Twelve?”

“Fifteen.” Sully grumbled.

“It’s amazing. Here we are, all these years gone by and we’re still haggling over dead people’s junk.” Rafe said with a chuckle.

“Really? Aren’t you running your parents business?” He asked. I fought off a snicker at his petty comment. I could tell it irritated Rafe and he immediately began to act like a baby about it. Complete contrast from how he’d been all night. The woman Nadine and I shared a similar expression of annoyance.

“It’s my business now.” He said darkly before changing his tone. “But yes that is my day job.”

“Well that’s one helluva day job. You could probably afford everything on the block tonight.” Sully continued.

“Well sure… but what would be the point in that? Nowadays I’m only looking for the uh….good stuff… The big score.” He nodded. The way he looked at him, I could tell he was already getting suspicious. “Any advice on what I should be picking up tonight?” He asked, taking a sip of his champagne.

“Yeah. Like I wanna bid against him.” He said sarcastically in both Nadine and I’s direction. We both chuckled. Sully was still charming as ever even in the face of adversity. Then he leaned in towards Rafe. “Just between you and me, I did notice they changed the order. I think somebody may be trying to rig this auction.”

“Hmm. Well remember where we are. This crowd didn’t get rich by playing fair.” He responded, his thumb steadily rubbing against my waist.

“Which is why you really need someone watching your back in a place like this…” Nadine chimed in, slowly making her way to Rafe’s side. I tried not to be offended but I was definitely getting some weird vibes between them as he looked at her with the same charming smile he’d been giving me. Sully was also putting two and two together.

“Ah, well I do hate to break it to ya, but you are working for an American.” He commented.

“With. We’ve partnered up on this one.” She responded, taking a sip of her scotch. I downed the rest of my champagne to hide my facial expressions. I knew they were showing plain as day.

“I see. Talk about a power couple.” He chuckled.

“Hey now! Not in front of my date- which my apologies, sweetheart, how rude of me.” He finally brought attention to me in all of this. “Victor Sullivan. Meet Sunny Spurrs. One of the brightest young ladies I’ve come across.” He said with what seemed like a genuine compliment. ‘When in doubt, act like we don’t know each other.’ Words of advice from him long ago began to ring and I smiled brightly, sticking my hand out to shake and he kissed my knuckles.

“Pleasure. Where’d you pick up a girl like this, Rafe?” He joked.

“I have my ways.” He smirked, looking at me with those green eyes and pulling me close. Just as Sully fixed his mouth to reply with what I’m sure would’ve been another hilariously shady comment, the auctioneer’s accented voice came through the speakers.

“In a few moments, we will begin bidding for the next item… an inlaid wooden crucifix from the Trott estate.” She announced. As we locked eyes briefly, Sully took a deep breath, knowing it was time to make himself scarce.

“Welp! I know when I’m third wheel- or fourth in your case. You kids have fun tonight-” he began to turn and walk away but Rafe let go of me and halted him, grabbing onto his elbow.

“Just hold on, Sully…” He said darkly. ‘Shit.’ I thought, internally panicking. “How’d you find out about it?”

“‘It’? And what ‘It’ is that, Rafe?” Sully retorted with a similar level of seriousness. I pursued my lips together and took a single step back from their brewing altercation. “Nadine, I think your partner here has had one too many Bloody Marys-”

“Cut the bullshit, old man!” Rafe exclaimed, slapping Sully’s glass from his hands. I jumped a bit as I watched it shatter on the marbled floor, people nearby turning their attention to our little group to watch the scene play out. He eased up to him, poking an accusatory finger in his chest. “Now I don’t know how you scammed your way in here, but if you even so much as think about bidding on Avery’s cross, I can tell you how you’re gonna be leaving here. In a god damn body bag-”

“Rafe!” Nadine snapped, bringing his attention to the gazing eyes of those around us. I carefully approached him and placed a comforting hand on his back, hoping it would calm him some. He took a deep breath and squeezed Sully’s shoulder with a nervous chuckle before brushing off the wrinkles on the old man’s suit.

“Well… you get the gist.” Rafe said with a hint of warning, wrapping his arm around me. He tapped his fingers on my hip like a nervous twitch and I placed my hand over his own. He brought his gaze to me and took a deep breath, trying to get over being so worked up. Sully just just grunted and took a puff of his cigar.

“Lovely seeing you both. Ms. Spurrs, you enjoy your evening.” He said to me with a hint of warning, only detected by me and we split off into our respective parties. I was beginning to worry. Had something happened to him? The clock was ticking now and we still hadn’t heard a word from Nathan.

‘Nate… Nate?! Goddamn it, kid, where the hell are you?’ I heard Sully say in my ears. I waited to hear his voice but got nothing.

‘We’re running outta time, little brother…’ I heard Sam add hastily after a few minutes of his silence.

I followed Rafe to the table where bidders received their panels and he kissed my hand. “I’m sorry you had to see that. Why don’t you head over to the bar and relax. I’ll meet you once I’m done here.” He told me. And I gave him a hug. Bro seemed like he needed one. “You know… I’ve been trying to behave all night. Trying to resist the urge to kiss those beautiful lips of yours…” he said lowly, caressing my cheek. I wanted to throw up. But the expression in my eyes never faltered as I looked at him. I kissed him on his cheek and wiped off the stain with my thumb.

“Perhaps later… Mr. Adler. When there aren’t so many eyes.” I whispered suggestively and his grip tightened on my waist.

“Absolutely…” he growled. And I slipped away to the back of the ballroom, out of sight. My job was done. I could finally cringe in peace.

“Jesus H, it’s a fucking miracle he let me go anywhere.” I grumbled. I could hear Sam’s faint chuckle on the coms.

‘Where are you now, Sunny?’ I heard Sully ask.

“By the bar.” I replied.

‘Get as close as you can to the exit without being suspicious.’ He ordered and I confirmed his order, walking to the extravagantly large doorway and leaning into its frame. Suddenly, Nathan’s voice came through the coms and I felt a massive wave of relief.

‘Sam? Sully? Sunny? You guys still there?’ I heard him say. ‘I made it to the breaker room.’

“Oh, thank god. The sooner this is over, the better.” I exclaimed in a hushed tone.

‘God damn, kid! What took you so long?’ Sully hissed.

‘Yes, I’m fine and I’m alive. Thanks for asking.’ Nate began sarcastically. ‘I had a few close calls but I made it.’

‘Yeah, well if you’re gonna cut the power, now would be a good time to do it.’ Sully replied.

‘Yeah well I’m gonna need a minute to get into the breaker panel, it’s locked.’ He said with a grunt.

“You don’t have a minute, Natey. Rafe is about to walk outta here with that cross.” I said.

‘He’s the highest bidder so far.’ Sam’s voice came through the coms in a rough tone.

‘Then outbid him!’ Nate said as I heard him rumble through some things.

‘With what? I don’t have that kinda scratch!’ Sully was beginning to sound as worried as me.

‘You do realize we’re stealing this cross right?’ Nathan told him.

‘What if he calls my bluff?’ I watched Sully from a distance as he scratched his mustache nervously.

“I don’t think he will.” I said, making what could’ve been a bad judgement call but we needed to buy my best friend some time to get into that panel.

“We have an offer at 90,000 euros. Is there another offer in the room?” I heard the auctioneer say.

‘Guys, if we do not get this cross, I am as good as dead.’ Sam muttered.

‘And if I end up with the highest bid, then we’re all dead!’ Sully rebuttals.

‘Sully, I need you to buy me more time.’ Nathan said with the utmost urgency.

‘You kids better be right about this…’ he grumbled as the auctioneer started to finalize the bid.

“Do it, Sully.” I said, covering my mouth with my fist as intently watched the bid take place.

‘Ah, screw it.’ I looked over at Sully as he raised his panel and the auctioneer stopped the finalization.

“Benè! We are now at 100,000 euros. Do I hear another offer in the room?” Just before the auctioneer could finish her sentence, Rafe’s panel was raised. He stared at the old man brimming with annoyance. I watched them battle it out to 190,000 euros. I underestimated just how wealthy Rafe actually was.

‘Hey man, I’m starting’ to sweat bullets here-’ Sam rushed in a panicky voice.

‘I’m in! You guys ready?’ Nathan asked.

‘As I’ll ever be. Sunny?’ Sam asked.

“We got one chance guys, let’s get this done.” I said with a small smirk as the adrenaline began to surge in me. “Sully?”

‘One second.’ He chuckled before raising the panel again, just to piss Rafe off a little more. I chuckled to myself as I watched Rafe ball his fists like a child on punishment.

“500,000! Let’s get this show on the road!” He shouted impatiently.

“Um… very well. We have 500,000 euros in the room. Does the gentleman wish to bid again?” The auctioneer asked and the entire room looked in his direction. I tried my best to fight off the laughter at Rafe’s expression, all tuned up like a burnt weenie. Sully gestured to him that the bid was all his.

“You had me worried there for a minute, Victor. I thought I was gonna have to kill ya!” He remarked and the room around them laughed. Sully gave a fake chuckle and put his cigar to his lips.

‘Okay… Let’s ruin this asshole’s evening.’ He said.

“Let’s.” I smiled, ready to go.

“500,000 going once….. going twice…. and the crucifix has been sold for 500,000 euros-” and just like that the lights went out. By the time the backup generator came on, the crucifix was gone from the stand and Sam was out of sight.

I stood in my corner as Sully made his way over to me, swiftly grabbing my arm to leave a Rafe made a scene.

“They’re gonna need a getaway. Let’s get to the car.” He told me as we picked up the pace and left the estate.

[bucksbisexual]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY LAST ONE OF MY OPINION POSTS HERE GOES EP12:

[breathes in]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i’m so fucking happy with this ending

it’s such a good happy ending this is truly what the gays deserve i’m just happiness in physical form rn

i don’t even know where to start but i’ll try to make this as chronological as my brain allows me because my memory do be sucking

i’m gonna put a keep reading because this shit will get loooooong kjshfkf okay let’s do this

so.. we start with PETE EXPOSING NON(T)’S BRAT ASS!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YES THATS MY BABY THATS MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!

kao’s mom being a fucking badass and telling her BOSS how to do shit. i love her yall I LOVE HERRRRRRRR

also kao’s mom telling kao that she wasn’t the most amazing person ever was so cute because you can see kao’s light bulb turning on sjfkhsgsh please i love them

yes i will say i love x after every single one of these u can’t stop me

from the teaser i thought kao would dashi run run run to pete’s house but thankfully he took a taxi lmao

at least he didn’t run there because he had to run from pete’s house (or may i say, mansion) to the POOL my man is a whole athlete oh my god

KAO YELLING HE LOVES PETE!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLOSED SPACE WITH PEOPLE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY HEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABYYYYYYYY

also a beautiful parallel to the scene from ep1 (i noticed there’s a lot of parallels in this episode we stan character development and repeating things just so the viewers can see how consistent the couples are)

the kiss from that scene............... beautiful amazing gorgeous idk many words in english to describe how i felt while watching and how i feel about it

to that i think we cut to sunmork but i don’t remember what happened because of the kiss KJHFKSL SORRY

anygays i rlly like how this whole episode is sun being a clingy bih and mork gay panicking while trying to act like a confident gay when he knows that sun outconfidentgays him i love them lmao

okay after that i think it’s petekao having food with their parents all together and god i looooooove this scene

pete’s dad being the lgbt ally dad all of us lgbt fellas with homo/transphobic dads wish we had will never fail to make me soft i love that man pls be my dad too

also kao’s mom :-(( i love her she respected her son’s decision on not coming out until he was ready even though she already smelled it (reminds me of my mom lmao) and was always there for him even when kao didn’t say anything :-(((((((((((

petekao bickering will never get old i swear i love every time they do because that’s so..... men it makes their characters more real

i know there’s a lot (not that much because i admit this episode was kinda short?? idk maybe it’s just me) between that scene and this one but THE SQUAD EATING ALL TOGETHER AGAIN!!!!!!!! AND THEM TEASING PETEKAO!!!!!! PLEASE I LOVE THEM

pete literally not knowing how to stop the audio and broadcasting live TO THE WHOLE COUNTRY that time when he told kao he loved him through the teddy bear...... peak pete culture

the fact that ppl love them and they have a whole hashtag on twitter makes me soft because usually when someone is famous in bls the fans hate the other part of the couple but in this one??? oh no honey we stan petekao in this household hate is not allowed it’s actually prohibited illegal

okay let me backtrack a bit skjfhsjf

OH YES I FORGOT!!!! manow wanting to talk with mork was so weird when i saw the teaser for the episode but after seeing them talk i was like oooooh okay i understand

sun saying “what’s your girl saying to my boy” is probably one of my favourite lines of this drama KLHSJFLF

rain reading their lips fskjfjsf and when mork said “fuck you rain” HIS FACE SKJFHKSJSLFJ HE WAS SCARED SHITLESS but also the end of this scene was so cute i love these three

i just did a bit of skipping through the episode to try and actual make an order out of this mess and the petekao+parents thing comes now,,,,,, anygaYS

then it’s more teasing between sunmork blah blah

then MORK SPEAKING THE MF TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! quoting the actual dialogue “it’s my choice to tell or not tell anyone. i should get to decide”

OUTING SOMEONE ISN’T COOL!!!!!!! IT’S NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! NO LGBT PERSON WILL EVER WANT TO BE OUTED!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON’T DO THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain had good intentions but it doesn’t mean that it was right of him to do so

okay this got serious,, sun going to rain’s bed with not one but Two pillows when barely two people fit in that bed.... oh to be that iconic and carelessly gay

back to petekao because we will never get enough of these two (which is why i’ll probably watch the our skyy episode tomorrow just to cry over these fools)

it’s so weird to see tay being like this after watching him being himself in other things like the live lunch and taynew meal date and other things i’ve randomly watched during this week to retain myself from finishing this series in a night ksfjhsfkshlks

also kao helping pete shave and pete being like do u like my moustache or should i shave it for u my lord SFHKFJ the domesticity and just the feeling of two idiots being in love i love them with my whole heart

kao staying at pete’s house because it’s both of their first days as interns and kao!!!!! he works for pete’s dad!!!!!!! pete’s dad accepted him into his company!!!!!! i love them

also the bickering between those three sjfkhs “hello im pete im from thailand” “that’s all you’ll say today” THAT WAS SO FUNNNY SKJFHSKFHSFJSFL

THE MESSAGE IN THE TEDDY BEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAO CALLING PETE LOVE PLEASE IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE THESE FOOLS

okay so the squad eating together is right after this but i already talked about it ksjfhsfh next!!

idk if it’s a big time skip or a small one but guess what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANOW AND RAIN ARE DATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY STRAIGHT BABIES YES I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAA

manow is so pretty and rain is so cute they’re both so lucky my bisexual ass is crying

pete being “angry” at kao being so handsome,,, a mood

but also.. pete being possessive was h*t

there i said it and i don’t regret it

random but i will miss kao’s annoying ass saying “about aboyz” sjfkhsfh

pete being like “i will have to give u more love bites (ffs gmmtv just say hickies we are all at an age where we know what love bites are) so no one flirts with u” and kao being like “bitch try me” sjfhksfj i’m loving bratty kao

also that scene turned into furry kao real quick KJHDKJFSHJF

okay now it’s: mork’s birthday party time!!

rain and manow arrive first and are the cutest couple around because the two main gays haven’t arrived yet (being gay AND punctual? not possible)

sun and rain fighting in the kitchen was peak siblings culture skfhksjf

mork being ready to leave his own birthday party with a stranger who also plays pokemon go just to have a battle................ dumbass bisexual energy

said stranger is eARN FROM 2GETHER!!!!!! FILM IS IN THIS TOO!!!!!!!! first the girl who plays yuri in yyy and now film who plays earn in 2gether is here too??? damn wlw keep winning (also headcanon: theyre dating/seeing each other because LESBIANS periodt)

okay petekao arrive and wont u guess whats their present for mork,,,,,, the mf TEDDY BEAR and kao rlly says that they should use it since theyre so lip sealed lmao

rain and manow literally gave mork a present not for him but for sun im- i love these two

MORK FINALLY SAID YES TO BEING BOYFRIENDS OH MY GOD DUDE U ACTUALLY HAD ME WORRIED THERE FOR A SEC

also sun being a whole koala and being a horny bitch is so funny sfhskfjskl my man has his priorities set

their last scene is so cute :-(( poor rain will have to live with this until he moves out sjfhksjf

oh boi the ending is near hhhhhhh

kao teaching his class an equation that ends up in i < 3 u is the most kao thing i’ve ever seen

also kAO IS BOOKED AND BUSY BABYYYYYYYYYY GET THOSE COINS HONEY

pete being like “u haven’t spent enough time with me lately >:-(” was cute jhkfjs my man is needy of kao and i understand that because have u seen kao? exactly

kao teasing him with not having forgotten the cup this time and pete being his possessive self was.. splendid

every reference to something that happened with non(t) hurts but also i love how they just tease each other because they know that now their relationship is stronger than it’s ever been and that nothing and no one will come between them

the scenes they show during the last last scenes :-((( BOYFIES!!!!!!

and i love how they decided to end the show with them holding hands in public

i would explain why i do but it’s 6:26 am and i’ve been writing this for at least half an hour already and my laptop is heating up a lot and im sweating because it’s hot in here so get down on the floor pipiipipipipipipi

kdjhkdfhs sorry im not sleepy this is just my brain without a filter it’s just gay shit and a big repertoire of songs

god okay that was my opinion on the last episode of dark blue kiss...........

needless to say that i will eat every bit of content related to petekao after this because writing this i already miss them and i can’t wait to watch our skyy tomorrow idk where but i will

i really really REALLY liked this drama and it’s one of the two bl dramas (not counting the untamed) i’ve given a full 10/10 rating on mdl because it’s THAT good

everything about this drama is just.. chef’s kiss i love it i will probably rewatch it when my plan to watch is empty but it’s a pretty long list so.. hopefully i’ll ignore that and just rewatch sjkfhslf

i’ll of course watch kiss and kiss me again just for the petekao, the squad and rain scrumbs because i’m sure that the petekao compilations don’t show everything

but yeah im just.. i love this show it’s been a rlly long time since i started writing this but i’m still happy because it’s so good and truly gave us a good happy ending and i swear i cannot emphasise enough how important good happy endings in lgbt media are!!!!!!!!!!

anygays im hungry and ready to submerge myself in the dbk tags, see u all tomorrow for my our skyy petekao episode version of this,,,,,

till then, stay safe ! bYE

[cow5secondchance]

Episode 5 - What If I Say My Name Is Lorde - Captain

Format: The Greenhouse

Eliminated: Blake (Venus Flytrap)

CAPTAIN

waking up to read that there is a tie between my bestie, mario and kaleigh and that i was the original target <3 see. i told yall when every time someone said i'm safe, i'm not. and now i'm pissed so i'm gonna just copy everything i wrote in my confessional here. THEY FUCKING WANTED ME OUT FIRST THEN THEY SWITCHED TO JENNET u see that?? u see how they’re scared of two pocs besties working tgt they told jennet they’re not on my priority list well stop dming me while i sleep maybe fuckers? these whites are fucking fake and so self-centered do i need to beg every white american to talk to me at 3am my time? girl no yea they wanted to target me at first because blake must think he’s not on my priority list for sure self-centered gay u’d love to see it huh i’m gonna venus flytrap that white ass

i mean i'm happy i survived but it won't be the same without my bestie jennet. we've been wanting to play together and our time was cut short because some white gays are so insecure and self-centered? so they decided to go for pocs? cute look on you babes.

#JusticeForJENNET https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/831702842733232148/842243242359128084/goodbye_bestie.mp4

XAVIER

We could have handled last round better

CAPTAIN

blake is why people are homophobic. period.

lots of details in my DR in the server i couldn't bring myself to do another entry because i was confused about all that "talk" but to sum up, nicole told me everything and blake told me everything too. he straight went up to me and said sorry i said ur name :why: and because i didn't tell me what went on (because i forgot.. like i don't think about this game all day. i also have something to do in my life) and i didn't tell him that i was in another alliance. as if he would tell me like PLS. ur just so entitled.

XAVIER

Blake has been going to us (Greenhouse) apologizing for his words during the call. I think Blake is scrambling. It is too much for just one sentence said during the call. Overcompensating, I think. Now Captain wants to target Nicole and Blake. Jarod wants to target Lindsay and William. I like Jarod, but he definitely is playing two sides now. Being on our (Greenhouse) side, but also on the side of Jarod-Blake-Autumn (though not too sure anymore how strong Autumn is with that trio). Captain wants to try a POC alliance. If Autumn is open, and if Jennet or Mario are the ones who come back from the buy back, that might actually work. And it would be very cool to see that happen.

JAROD

LORDE

what if i say that my name is lorde and my secret word is captain.. lets just do that

CAPTAIN

daisy and lanie coming back... hmm idk we're still need to wait and see if they want to work with me or not. i didn't do anything wrong to daisy so she might want to work with me. lanie tho, i voted her out but i literally explained everything that went down that round to her and threw will under the bus a bit. but will she want to work with me? idk. and i know blake is gunning for a flytrap so i need to get it or he'll flytrap my asian ass.

AUTUMN

CAPTAIN

okay lanie told me that she told william she didn't wanna do me in the first vote but of course, i didn't get told that. and it made sense cause like lanie played with me so she should know that our timezones are different and it is hard for me to talk to ppl when i go to bed. we'll see how it goes.

XAVIER

So I checked out early last night because I wanted to watch Ragnarok on Netflix and didn't want to keep checking my phone. I thought when today came around, there would be more people who have played. Um... just one other? 2 rounds? And no one online to play? I tried approaching Kaleigh and Lindsay but no response yet. I guess no one wants to look like they want it too much? But hello, we are in a game, of course everyone wants it. There are a lot of, let's just see what happens, instead of going for it. Maybe the VFT plays into that because it is in play as both Captain and Blake want it. And my fear is if I make it in the GH, nom Blake, he gets the VFT and use it on me again. Ha ha what a trip if that happens.

So I wasn't going to play but Nyx messaged and said they wanted to play. But they wanted to rig it. I didn't want to, I want a chance to win of course. And I did :) Hope they aren't too bummed about it. I am in the GH I think, with at least 3 (Nyx beat Lanie) points. I know Jarod is in there too by beating Daisy.

Two Greenhouses in a row, but hope history doesn't repeat! 

CAPTAIN

last night before i went to sleep, i thought to myself what if i get the one that nom ppl and the nominee will get a seed to nom me so i could get another seed. then, i went to bed thinking it might be a bit too much. but BOOM, i woke up today and saw jarod have this same plan so that's good. we communicate telepathically it seems. i just need to win the seed count comp and get 2 more seeds but like idk about my puzzle ability GRRRR!! but i'll try my best. i just wanna get the flytrap before i get flytrap'ed out.

LORDE

i'm cosplaying as lorde again and lorde wishes captain a successful bidding tmr

CAPTAIN

yall idk if my puzzle time would be good enough to win seeds and i just found out william has 0 seed

LANIE

IM BACK IN THE GAME AND WE’RE IN A GREENHOUSE ROUND! BRO GREENHOUSE IS MY SHIT it’s such a good format ahhh. None of these hoes know the greenhouse like I do honey. I’ve played it like 18 times.... probably the most out of everyone.. and IM A HOST OF THE ORG PLZ AND IM PLAYING AN IRL GREENHOUSE WITH TAYLOR ON THE 29TH AHH But on a serious note, I’m back in the game and I don’t trust ANYONE on my tribe that voted me out, especially my love William. Love him as a person but I’m gonna get him in this game at some point, you wait and see! He just agreed to throw the RPS challenge to make up for voting me out but HONEY IT’S NOT ENOUGH LMAO. He’s probably on the bottom of my trust list. At this point in time, I trust Jarod, Daisy, Lindsey, Captain, and Blake (even though the last two voted me off, but they were told convoluted information so I don’t blame them). I will work with Nyx but I don’t trust Nyx as much as I would like. I want to talk to Kaleigh more, and idk Xavier well but we’ll talk I’m sure. For this greenhouse round, Jarod is sunflower meaning he can put up TWO houseguests. HES PUTTING UP CAPTAIN AND I! But this is a strategy. There’s a power called the Flytrap, which the holder can use to take out any single person that they want. Captain has enough seeds to buy the flytrap, but so does Blake. WHOEVER WINS THE FLYTRAP WILL LIKELY LEAVE ME SAFE because I trust both Blake and Captain. People are gonna see Jarod put up two allies and flip their shit, but trust that this is all in typical Greenhouse strategy hehehe.

CAPTAIN

yes its time for an update! a lot has happened since yesterday... so lets begin with last night, i went to sleep and had the auction in my mind SDFSDFSD i actually woke up before my alarm went off like twice. the first time, i woke up and checked my phone.. it was like 7am and then i went to bed and i dreamed that the auction was already over and i missed everything DSFDFSDFSDF PLEASE! so i woke up right after and phew it was only 8.15am methinks so like 45 more minutes.. anyways!!! blake dm'ed me before the bidding and told me he would go for a flytrap... i mean i know that already and he said he wanted it because its been on his mind. PLEASE its been haunting me since last season.. and i didn't reply to him but i was talking to lanie about seeds too and i think lanie told blake i asked her for seeds? so blake came to me again and said 'Not you asking people for seeds' or something. like mister. and what about it? lanie knew about my plan of getting the flytrap and u just didn't know about it. so just sit down and relax god damn. oh and i found out will won the seed comp which was a no no cause will would give his seeds to blake for sure. and before the auction began, i think blake would have like 15 seeds? but he actually had 18 seeds. i was so lucky i outbid him. whew. and like he told me he had only 2 ppl giving him seeds while everyone prob gave me their seeds. and um? what about it? do i need to feel bad for you when you literally targeted me last round? white twink tears i guess. he tried to get me to promise that i won't flytrap him out but i haven't promised him. i said i'm down but its not a promise right? so yea i would flytrap him out. while lanie is in my dm like don't flytrap blake she loves him. MISS THING. I JUST TOLD YOU HE TARGETED ME LAST ROUND???? like god.

hey i'm back!! i know that blake would prob give someone his seeds that he has so we have to be careful about that in next week. imma need to try to win the greenhouse comp. fingers crossed for me tho besties. this is for jennet. everything i do in this game is gonna be for jennet. no one can mess with my sister/bestie. and once you do that, you just cross the line.

i'm sorry if i come off a bit aggressive.. i don't wanna be that but you know theres something about white men that is wrong.

heyyy god i'm just so proud with myself. i actually outdid myself and i just wanna go further than this. i wanna beat my old placement.

DAISY

CAPTAIN

missing jennet hours

[applegelstore]

So we (=my sister plays, I watch her and do other stuff besides) have finally marathoned through Tales of Berseria (only the post-game sidequests left). So here’s excerpts of my final verdict (mostly in contrast to Zesty because sorry but I can’t help it. Plus, it’s the prequel for Maotelus’ sake). Cut for massive length and very heavy spoilers, obviously! No reviews, though, just incoherent ramblings. Many, many incoherent ramblings.

-The plot is indeed kinda more exciting than Zestiria. Which isn’t particularly hard. I mean there are many reasons why I love Zestiria, but the plot (and the villains) sure aren’t one of them. The plot was kinda just… there and didn’t do any harm, but honestly I could just have watched a 200 episode show of plotless party banter and would have enjoyed it just the same. The plot in neither game makes particularly much sense, tho.

-I have a billion questions and somehow most of them concern Zaveid’s gun in both games. Like, how does it actually work? It separates fusings, but it’s the basis for the invention of the armatus? Apparently it also boosts magic? Idk. And where does it come from? Let me guess, there was that super advanced sci-fi-civilization that lived on the planet like 20 000 years ago and is now forgotten *insert dramatic music here*

-How on earth did Velvet get out of that volcano…? But as long as Morgrim is safe, I’m good.

-On that note, Velvet literally screaming WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!! at the volcano made me kinda happy

-whenever she has facepalm/I’m so done/I’m surrounded by idiots moments, I feel her very much

-Despite the headscratchers, I’m totally digging the Berseria/Zestiria worldbuilding, like hell

-Sue me but I still like the Zestiria characters lightyears better than the Berseria characters. Mostly because they’re funnier, more relatable, and also because I honestly don’t like the Darker and Edgier trope. But also because the costume designs are goddamn awful, Magilou is an obnoxious pest, and it takes Eleanor far too many hours of game play to get that other people than abbey members have human rights (I ended up liking her in the end but honestly getting there was a pain). BTW yes, Velvet, Phi and Eleanor probs have more dramatic changes in personality over the course of the game than the Zesty squad combined, but can anybody explain to me what kind of character development Eizen, Rokurou and Magilou display? …Thought so. Also, no, dramatic 180° turn character development is NOT a prerequisite for good character writing in my opinion, thank you very much. I also think that mental breakdowns aren’t a prerequisite, just in case you were wondering. I’m honestly not a big fan of the Heroic B.S.O.D. trope, although there might be some exceptions where I thought it was well done. I still prefer to do without.

-At least I can tolerate Magilou and Eleanor now that the former got a backstory and the latter finally learned how not to be a dick

-Phi’s constant complaints that he doesn’t want to be treated like a child (I’ve got bad news for you sweetie, you’re TEN) do horrible things to my headcanon that he simply stays physically 10 for eternity, but don’t think I’d give up too soon

-however, I guess we can establish that he plays splatter games with a burning passion

-I am very glad that the monster doggies and the monster bird are safe and sound in the epilogue

-WHERE IS FIRE MUM

-How on earth do people defend the opinion that Berseria was less of a button smasher game than Zestiria?? Because honestly in Zestiria I never managed to win battles by doing nothing but frantically smashing X/Square/Triangle/Circle without any plan or order.

-THE BATTLE CAMERA IS SO MUCH BETTER THO I can control it freely! Oh bless the new camera. I want that so hard in Zestiria. It would help a bunch.

-the equipment upgrade and drop system is also a billion times more effective in the sense that you don’t have to carefully plan your fusings (guess who’s always too lazy to do that) and fruitlessly try to farm the drops for that for hours (guess who’s too lazy for that as well, and also helplessly underlevelled because she’s so lazy and ends up with bosses one or two hitting an armatus even on normal mode *coughs*). Bless.

-I mean the new equipment system in Berseria is basically Final Fantasy IX but for lazy noobs. There’s ups and downs to that, I guess?

-Meirchio is so goddamn pretty, I didn’t even realise that in ToZX. Guess I was distracted by how bad the trainwreck is. Anyway I love everything about this town

-Aball and its surroundings incl. Taliesin also deserve awards

-the dungeons and field areas weren’t anymore interesting than Zestiria, tho

-btw Aball=Avalon? Magical apple island and stuff? Just asking because honestly some of the Arthurian references are pretty obscurely named (it took me quite a while to get the Lastonbell=Glastonbury reference, too, trollolol. Anyone else reminded of Good old Ah! My Goddess translation sins? I mean, come on… Verdandi to Belldandy? Apparently, correctly transcribing Roman letters into Japanese script is even more difficult than Ancient Avarost)

-Morgrim, let me love you, please take all my blessings, you are purrfectly pleasantly plump and I want to cuddle you and give you kisses

-why exactly was Shigure one of the bad guys?? It still escaped me after we cut him in half, sacrificed his soul to some ancient deity, and killed his deceased, reincarnated, dragonised mum

-speaking of which, is it really clever to use the souls of your mortal enemies to revive gods that you want to be on your side!?

-anyway, screw you, Melchior, in particular

-Bienfu is a strong contender for most annoying mascot ever and I still wanted to throw him into the ocean hours into the game. I swear if I have to hear him yell BIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN just once more in my life I’m gonna punch the screen.

-I’m with Jude on the pengyons. I mean I guess killing and eating them is preferable to killing them but not eating them, but still. Everyone speaks about representation, where’s my representation? Is there a single JRPG in which at least one of the playable characters is a vegetarian?

-I was surprised how much I enjoyed the Jude and Milla cameo, cracktastic as it was. Milla was actually my favourite in Xillia, although I had and still have severe problems with her character. But here I only saw of her what I love about her, and it made me happy. You go, Milla

-The skit writing with the constant “all males are perverts”, “all women are deceitful whores” and “men and women are fundamentally different and will never understand each other or be friends unless they’re incestuous siblings” is goddamn awful, period.

-apparently if your vessel becomes malevolent even the tiniest bit (no need to go full tainted), that physically hurts your malak/seraph. I’m glad that doesn’t happen in Zesty.

-Zaveid. Buddy. I feel sorry for you. But it also kinda shocks me how fast you get over your girlfriend’s death. I also have bad news: Eizen’s little sister will still look like a 12-year-old in a 1000 years from now. I actually hope you’re NOT into that.

-btw Zaveid and Eizen jump from mortal enemies to true name basis pretty fast holy shit

-I wouldn’t have minded more Aifread’s Pirates shenigans and nobody is surprised

-I want the cracktastic enemy book back

-I want my elemental powers back. Fuck this don’t ya try to talk down my beloved Magical Dragqueen mode IT’S THE POWER OF LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE y’ignorants

-dear malak NPCs, thank you for establishing that the abbey version armatus is a sucky beta version which will be replaced with the awesome real thing in a couple of centuries, and will eventually symbolise harmony between humans and malakhim. Bonus points for carrying along the motherfucking Galahad ruins bow to drive home the point

-I’m a little too amused by the fact that the ending credit cards are a “everyone’s happy, nobody ever died, and everybody’s friends with each other” AU

-uhm, guys? Did they give Artorius’ sword to Sorey’s gay pride armatus in the anime? I didn’t like it even back then but now I hate it even more, pls no

-I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want

-I know there will never be a Zestiria sequel because it didn’t sell well enough for that, but just in case: the only premise I’ll accept is “Phi, Sorey and Mikleo free Velvet from her prison and finally tear Innominat apart for good”. I don’t know how that would work without killing Velvet and Phi, but hey, I’m sure we’re gonna find a solution because it’s as JRPG and all we need is the POWER OF LOVE *dundundundun*

Everyone is happy. Also what is this “reborn Malakhim aren’t the same people they died as anymore” crap, don’t give me this heartbreak material you assholes

-is it wrong if I wanna play Zestiria after finishing Berseria? Actually, we would have gotten there far sooner if I hadn’t insisted taking breaks so I could play a few hours of Zestiria in between. Whoops.

-my sister was worried that Phi would miss his auntie Velvet very much and suggested Sorey and Mikleo should adopt him once the sweet baby slumber party is over. At this point I’m wondering whether I should give her fanfic recs to brighten her days, or whether that will cause her to forever ban me from her Playstation and refuse to cook for me ever again

-after watching the Zesty DLC, she also told me: “I don’t know what was the point of it, but Rose and Alisha were very cute.” She’s on the path to righteousness.

[jihams]

the very large sp3arb tag

so @sp3arb has tagged me in a total four tags recently and i’m finally getting around to all of them!! tysm for all the tags, meri (btw i love your name?? i think its super cute!) and i hope you learn a bunch of unnecessary stuff abt me lmao (under the cut bc this is a long ass post)

i dont have a name for this tag

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

im not tagging anyone bc im bad at things and most ppl i wanna know about, meri has already tagged so

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo - I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know- I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing maths in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority  - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie  - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages [i don’t speak two, i speak one and sign in another] - I have made a new friend in the past year

alphabet tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

I was tagged by Roxanne ( is it ok if I call you Roxy? I like Roxy) Actually @lxx-fxlix  And for some reason it did not give me the notification you did, I was casually stalking your blog when I saw:

A: age? 16 (01 liner)

B: birthplace? North Carolina

C: current time? 7:53 pm

D: drink you had last? Arnold Palmer (half sweet tea, half lemonade)

E: easiest person to talk to? for me, it’s my irl best friend gwen and my best friend on here, krys

F: favorite song? oof i’m super indecisive so i’m just gonna commit to mayday by got7 (it always changes but mayday has stayed on my constantly rotating playlist for nearly six months now; most are on for six weeks, max)

G: grossest memory? uh probably when one of my swim lesson kids tried to eat a bug (they were like four) and i had to make them spit it out into my hands 

H: hogwarts house? proud slytherin!!

I: in love? i love a lot of people, but i’m not IN love

J: jealous of people? not anymore, my self-esteem has gotten so much better in past years

K: killed someone? uhm a couple of times in fics (*cough* jinjin in not like this *cough*)

L: love at first sight or should i walk by again? not love but pls walk by again bc i’m probably enjoying your aesthetics

M: middle name? christine

N: number of siblings? one, an older sister

O: one wish? to adopt a kid with no family or an unhealthy one (obvs when  older and financially stable)

P: person you called last? my sister called me yesterday morning, and before that i had called my friend to tell him abt a near death experience when i was driving

R: reasons to smile? something good will happen to you, you’ll meet someone wonderful, and there’s always new experiences to happen

S: song you sang last? poet by bastille (an underrated fave)

T: time you woke up? about 8 am

U: underwear color? light heathered grey

V: vacation destination? i’d love to go to greece someday! santorini would be my first choice, and then my great-grandparents old village near thessaloniki

W: worst habit? probs my dermatillia (picking at acne on my face until it bleeds, then picking at the scabs, leaving a bunch of scars that will never go away)

X: x-rays? i got one on my tailbone one time, two years after i sprained it bc my mom didn’t believe me

Y: your favorite food? uhhh most anything tbh; i quite like the honey butter chicken sandwich from pdq

Z: zodiac sign? libra

✨ Fun Facts Tag ✨

Rules for this are:

Have fun with it!  

Tag some of your mutuals

1) Favourite colours:

orange!! and after that, any kinds of pastel or muted darks

2) Favourite song at the moment:

lotto by exo has been on replay in my head, my car, and my earbuds

3) Last book you read:

the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur

4) Last TV show you watched:

i tried to watch part-time idol bc hyunbin from jbj was in it, but within the first 15 minutes they set up an unnecessary relationship so i had to nope out of there real hard; i then reverted back to rewatching white collar for the fifth time

5) Last movie you watched:

does john mulaney’s nerflix comedy special comeback kid count?? if not, probably nightmare before christmas way back around christmastime

6) If you have a pet whats their name?:

four dogs: pheonix, kino, midge, and bess; three horses: little man, gem, and andy (ironically i’m allergic to dogs and horses, and my dad keeps buying more)

7) If you have siblings how many?:

one, my older sister

8) Favourite thing to do on a weekend:

i love doing my swim lessons and seeing all my kids!! i haven’t been able to lately bc of the weather, 

9) Best tumblr friends:

i only talk to @cheesyramynry on a daily basis, but i have a lot of blogs that i consider friendly acquaintances or casual friends as well!!

10) Favourite thing about yourself:

i value my compassion and empathy above all else; i am very much the mom friend and love to be it

11) Favourite memory:

ah i have so many; i think rn i’m gonna go with this past christmas, bc it was my last one with my grandfather

12) 3 weird habits:

swallowing gum, taking all my pills in descending size order, i tend to mimic how a singer sounds when i sing along to the song (ex: if they have a british accent, i’ll subconsciously sing in a british accent; if they stress certain syllables in certain ways, i’ll do it too)

13) What would you call your style?:

comfortable (stretchy jeans, t-shirts, hoodies) and with a few signature Gay Things (jean jacket, flannels, oversized mens’ button ups, a couple gay/bi pride shirts)

14) Odd talent:

if i have lyrics in front of me to a song i’ve never heard before, i can predict the pattern of the tunes and rhythm and sing along the first time

15) Do you have a tumblr crush?:

literally all of aroha and all of the sk fandom (y’all are the loveliest fandoms i’ve ever been a part of)

the stray kids tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post, and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

I’ve decided that in celebration of Stray Kids pre-debut album I needed to create a tag. The ultimate goal for The Stray Kids Tag is to learn about your Tumblr mutuals, and have fun answering the Stray Kids related questions!  Here we go:

1: When did you decide to join the Stray kids fandom?

i saw a thread of information abt the suspected nine members before they were officially announced and was like ‘yes i must stan them and love them with all of my heart.’ so uh,,,,, back in august or september??

2: What is your favorite episode of Stray Kids? uhm, i’m gonna expose myself rn and let y’all know that i’ve never actually seen a full episode of the show; as soon as i heard it was gonna be a survival show, i knew that i couldn’t watch it bc my heart was too weak and i was emotionally incapable of becoming too invested while watching it; but from clips, i quite like the episode with the 3:3:3 mission, and also the last episode when all nine were reunited and told they were going to debut together

3: Who would you say is your bias in Stray kids?

my initial one was chan, and they i got rlly confused, and then slowly came to realize that it was jeongin (anything else after that is a fucking mess)

4: Who would you say is your bias wrecker in Stray kids?

literally kill me all of them bias wreck me so hard bUT hyunjin, jisung, seungmin, and chan have been wrecking me so hard in particular lately

5: What line would you want to be apart of in Stray kids? uHHH not dance line bc swimmers have 0 coordination on land; i quite like singing even tho i’m not good at, so probably that, but i can also hit all of chan’s english rap parts in 3racha songs, and keep up with lafayette’s raps in hamilton, and a lot of the english rappers i like too so uh,,, sign me up for rap line too

6: What is the first song you heard of Stray kids? hellevator

7: What is the first song you heard of 3racha? i think it was either hoodie season or runner’s high

8: What is your favorite song on their pre-debut album?

young wings or school life or yayaya (or grr or 4419 or glow or hellevator)

9: What is a concept you’d like to see Stray Kids try in the future?

i love their current optimistic and slightly rebellious teenager concept rn bc its an Eternal Mood; but i always love myself a soft boyfriend concept 

10: if you could meet with the members of Stray kids for one day what would you say to them?

how proud of them i am, and how proud of themselves they should be; i would tell them about how they’re saying things that resonate deeply for their fans and i love that they’re talking abt real world problems; i would also make sure to tell them (chan and 3racha especially) to make sure to rest more, and eat well, and take care of themselves emotionally as well as physically; and finally i’d like to tell jeongin how wonderful he is and that he’s doing so much at such a young age (lmao he’s actually eight months older than me but that’s no the point) and to never lose his cute little smile

finally done!! meri, if you actually read all of this, uh thank you????? i hope you now know everything you wanted to know abt me, and probably more than you wanted to know

i’m bad at tagging people, so if you also made it this far and haven’t done some of these tags, choose one, or a couple, or all of them and do them yourself!! just say that i tagged you!!

[gulgbtqplus]

Meet the Committee

We have 15 committee members who work together to run the society;

1. President: Chris, He/Him, president@gulgbtqplus.com

Hey! I’m Chris and I’m your president this year! I’m a second year student studying English Lit & Sociology, and I’m really excited to do some wonderful things with the society this year, it’s definitely one of my favourite things about university. I’ll be your first port of call if you have any general enquiries, ideas or requests for the society, but feel free to email me if you want some advice or to chat or meet up before an event too! We try to make our society as accessible and welcoming as possible, but I know that attending an event for the first time can be scary, so it is always good to know a friendly face.

Outside of the society you can mainly find me watching terrible romcoms, looking after my plants and tweeting bad jokes. I’m pretty noticeable out and about on campus as i’m always wearing dungarees and eternally glittery so don’t be afraid to say hi! (I’m nice I promise)

2. VP Secretary: Kit, They/Them, vpsecretary@gulgbtqplus.com

Howdy, I’m Nadia and I’m the Secretary VP! I’m a second year Scottish Literature student but I’ve changed my degree so many times that I may be studying something completely different by the time you’re reading this (basically I’m mainly at university for GULGBTQ+). In my free time I’m usually crafting, watching movies, and maintaining meticulous power points on the pets of US presidents. If you have any queries about anything to do with the society or you just want a chat feel free to email or drop me a message on facebook.

3. VP Treasurer: Finn, They/Them, vptreasurer@gultgbt.co.uk

Hey I’m Finn, I use they/them pronouns and I’m vp treasurer! The society is the only reason I ever leave the house, but I do supposedly study English Lit & History of Art. I’m very excited to be back on committee this year and hope I can do my best to keep the society from being as broke as I am xx

4. Events: Rachel, She/Her, events@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi everyone! I'm Rachel and I'm overly excited to be your Events Officer for this year. I study Theatre and Sociology and will be in my 4th year and writing my dissertation this coming year so please be kind to me. I have been a member of the Committee since my first year and I am overall just a huge gay. When I'm not being a queer activist you can find me at gigs, in charity shops, on the polo dance floor or drinking £3 wine. Let's be friends, feel free to add me on Facebook "Rachel Aitken" or drop me an email, I'm more than happy to meet up before an event if you're feeling nervous or want a gay clubbing partner in crime, I'm just back from studying abroad for a year in Australia so want to meet all the new faces I can! Also if you have any event suggestions pls hit me up xxx

5. Campaigns: Carlie, She/Her, campaigns@gulgbtqplus.com

Hello! I’m Carlie and I’m a second year student studying history and sociology. I can usually be found on the tenth floor of the library despairing about Tocqueville, but other than that I cross-stitch and try to keep all my house plants alive. Feel free to email me, or DM me on Twitter (@carliejas) about any campaigns you think we should support or just to give me gardening tips.

6. Welfare: Maddy, She/Her, welfare@gulgbtqplus.com

Maddy, pronouns she/her I’m a second year med student and I’m 24 I like playing rugby and meeting people’s pets, and I am very excited to be welfare officer this year I’m very open to questions and suggestions so feel free to drop me an email or come find me crying in the library

7. Publicity: Sera, She/Her, publicity@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi, my name is Sera, I’m 20, I’m very trans, and I’m the publicity officer. I am in 2nd year of a computer science degree and I am extremely online. My main interests are in tech and managing systems, as well as automation, and I do most of the behind-the-scenes work for the society that involves an internet connection

I run in a lot of hobby as well as LGBT circles and you’ll rarely find me off of social media, I have a twitter @seraxis and a discord Sera ♪#0573 where you can bother me as much as you’d like. I take ideas for social media campaigns and how to spread further awareness about LGBT issues around campus and through the society.

But most importantly: I never stop posting.

8. Women’s: Jemma, She/Her, womens@gulgbtqplus.com

Hey I'm Jemma, I'm a fourth year Virology student and I am really excited to be your women's officer for this year.  I love going to gigs, baking, creating memes that only about 4 people find funny and tweeting them, and most of all: the Boyd Orr. You be able find me at most main events as well as during Lesbian Coffee and Knit the Rainbow, the GULGBTQ+ crafting group that I’ll be running this year. This society has been very important to my time at university and I want others to have as good an experience as I did so if you want to chat or want to meet up before an event contact me via email. Hope we all have a gay old time this year!

9. Men’s: Quinn, He/Him, mens@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi, I’m Quinn and I’m your mens officer. I am going into my third year studying economic & social history and have been going to society events since I started uni although this is my first time on committee. I am here for all men, male-aligned and questioning members of the society. I spend most of my time trying to work, watching films and Netflix and I love spending time with new people – and dogs, dogs are great. If you have any queries, questions, ideas or concerns please feel free to contact me via email. I look forward to this being the best year yet!

10. Non-Binary: Niamh, They/Them, nonbinary@gulgbtqplus.com

hi, I'm Niamh and I'm the nonbinary officer! I'm 19 and in second year studying psychology & neuroscience. I've been in the society for a year now and hope to help make next year even better. As nonbinary officer I want to make sure everyone feels welcomed, so feel free to drop me a message if you want to meet up before an event or just have a chat! Outside of being gay my hobbies include art, clown makeup, new wave, and kendo. I look forward to spending time with you all next year, let's make it a good'n!

11. Trans & Intersex: Noah, He/Him, trans@gulgbtqplus.com

What's up, I'm Noah, I'm your trans and intersex officer! I'm currently studying maths (rip me) and I’m in second year. My job as trans and intersex officer is to represent all things gender related! My hobbies include playing the drums & guitar, and doing my signature dance moves in polo. I am open and friendly so if you want a chat or need anything feel free to contact me. I look forward to working on committee and meeting lots of new cool people!!

12. Bi/Pan: Michael, They/Them, bi@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi, I'm Michael your bi/pan officer for the year. I'm 21 and a biochemistry student in third year. I know - queer people in science! I'm shocked too! I look forward to meeting everyone at

bi/pan coffee (the coolest coffees, as voted by me).

My hobbies include a love of musical theatre, sci-fi, drinking and making a fool of myself for my friends. If you'd like to talk to me about literally anything you can use email, Facebook or twitter or pretty much any other social media cause that's where is spend most of my life anyway.

13. International Students: Bianca, She/Her, international@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi! I’m Bianca, and I’m the new international students’ officer! I’m a small, almost 19-year-old Italian who studies English Language and Linguistics & Theatre Studies. When I’m not crying about English phonetics, I’m probably binge-watching some (gay) show on Netflix, or getting more emotionally invested than I should in some (gay) book, while listening to the soundtrack of some (gay – but do I even need to say it?) musical. I’m a Gryffindor, I like horse riding, theatre and ice skating, and my one life aspiration is to one day ride a dragon. Or turn into a dragon and destroy my enemies. Either one works. I promise, I’m actually a nice and approachable person and I understand that moving to a new country can be overwhelming, so I’m ready to help you with whatever you need if you feel like you need advice on how to adapt to the terrible Scottish weather or you just want to chat about how un-comprehensible the Glaswegian accent is (trust me, we’ve all been there). Just send me an email! I’m also Italian, so I will probably gesture excitedly at you while we all get coffee together for the International Coffee that I’ll be running. I’m looking forward to meeting you all, and I hope you have a great (and gay) time in Glasgow!

14. Postgraduate & Mature Students: Prachi, She/Her, postmat@gulgbtqplus.com

Hello everyone! I’m Prachi and I am the Postgraduate and Mature students officer this year. I represent the slightly older members of the society. I will mainly be running the postgrad and mature student coffees this year, which is a great way to meet new people in the LGBTQ+ community! I am currently doing a Masters in Cancer Sciences. Other than spending time on school and the society, I also enjoy videogames, movies (huge Disney junkie!), music and just generally chilling with people. If you’d like to contact me, you can find me on Facebook or just shoot me an email anytime. Looking forward to meeting everyone!

15. First Year Ordinary Member: Emily, She/Her, firstyearom@gulgbtqplus.com

Hi! I'm your friendly local First Year Ordinary Member. My name is Emily and I'm a first year (surprise, surprise) Psychology student trying to work out my way around this strange Uni system. I enjoy drawing and painting, musical theatre, playing tabletop or video games, being a 'Mum friend', and making socially awkward jokes to hide when I'm nervous. I'll be spending this year joining all the societies that I've been told I HAVE to join in first year, trying to get on with the nine strangers I now live with, attempting to cook, clean and shop for myself, and also somehow keeping up with the work from three subjects which grade me in a way I've never seen before...

No pressure, right?

I hope you will join me in solidarity at First Year Coffee every other Tuesday and we can help each other navigate this strange new world of Glasgow University.

16. Asexual and Aromantic Officer: Summer, They/Them, asexual@gulgbt.co.uk

Hi, I’m Summer and I’m your aro/ace officer for the year! I’m a 21 year old computer science student so you’ll frequently find me programming and going on about Linux. When I’m not doing that I’ll probably be knitting, playing video games, running/planning tabletop rpgs, or watching martial arts movies (or talking incessantly about any of the above)! As aro/ace officer I’m here for everyone who identifies as any variety of asexual and/or aromantic (a/grey/demi/etc), as well as anyone questioning anything at all related. Drop me a message if you want to chat, and I look forwards to a great year with you all!

[jinandtonics]

YA Book Recs

@evens-naesheims​ wanted some YA book recommendations, and I’ve read a lot of them, as well as a few essays on them too. So these are just some of the ones that I’ve read over the years that I liked. I’ve also included links to free ebooks. Don’t click on the big ads though, there are text links that are smaller!

Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky

This is a pretty popular book, but for a reason. It handles mental illness as well as normal teenage stresses pretty well, in my opinion. The film is also very good! “The critically acclaimed debut novel from Stephen Chbosky, Perks follows observant “wallflower” Charlie as he charts a course through the strange world between adolescence and adulthood. First dates, family drama, and new friends. Sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Devastating loss, young love, and life on the fringes. Caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it, Charlie must learn to navigate those wild and poignant roller-coaster days known as growing up.”

Noughts and Crosses (series) - Malorie Blackman

This is one of my favourite book series of all time, and is what got me into reading to start with. One literature degree later, and I still adore it. The first book works perfectly as a standalone story in my opinion, but I do really like the others too. There’s also a BBC miniseries in the works, and I’m excited.

“Two young people are forced to make a stand in this thought-provoking look at racism and prejudice in an alternate society. Sephy is a Cross - a member of the dark-skinned ruling class. Callum is a Nought - a “colourless” member of the underclass who were once slaves to the Crosses. The two have been friends since early childhood, but that’s as far as it can go. In their world, Noughts and Crosses simply don’t mix. Against a background of prejudice and distrust, intensely highlighted by violent terrorist activity, a romance builds between Sephy and Callum - a romance that is to lead both of them into terrible danger. Can they possibly find a way to be together?”

Two Boys Kissing - David Levithan

David Levithan writes a lot of stories about gay boys, but this is one of my favourite ones because it has a little diversity. Though the emphasis is on little, because most of the characters are white expect one black minor character and one that is ever-so vaguely hinted at being Korean. And bisexuality isn’t mentioned once. But apart from that, it’s very good and deals with a lot of different aspects of being a gay teenager.

“New York Times  bestselling author David Levithan tells the based-on-true-events story of Harry and Craig, two 17-year-olds who are about to take part in a 32-hour marathon of kissing to set a new Guinness World Record—all of which is narrated by a Greek Chorus of the generation of gay men lost to AIDS.

While the two increasingly dehydrated and sleep-deprived boys are locking lips, they become a focal point in the lives of other teen boys dealing with languishing long-term relationships, coming out, navigating gender identity, and falling deeper into the digital rabbit hole of gay hookup sites—all while the kissing former couple tries to figure out their own feelings for each other.”

I’ll Give You the Sun - Jandy Nelson

I read this book a little while ago. It does fall into some stereotypes at times, but overall it’s a nice read and it deals with a lot of different aspects of growing up.

“Jude and her twin brother, Noah, are incredibly close. At thirteen, isolated Noah draws constantly and is falling in love with the charismatic boy next door, while daredevil Jude cliff-dives and wears red-red lipstick and does the talking for both of them. But three years later, Jude and Noah are barely speaking. Something has happened to wreck the twins in different and dramatic ways . . until Jude meets a cocky, broken, beautiful boy, as well as someone else—an even more unpredictable new force in her life. The early years are Noah’s story to tell. The later years are Jude’s. What the twins don’t realize is that they each have only half the story, and if they could just find their way back to one another, they’d have a chance to remake their world.”

Annie on my Mind - Nancy Garden

This is one of the best books that deals with queer female teenagers, and it does it really well. It was written in 1987, so it was pretty groundbreaking for the time (no dead gays!) and has a genuine and believable relationship between the two main characters. I’ve been struggling to find good YA literature that has queer girls in it, so please let me know if you come across any! “This groundbreaking book is the story of two teenage girls whose friendship blossoms into love and who, despite pressures from family and school that threaten their relationship, promise to be true to each other and their feelings. The book has been banned from many school libraries and publicly burned in Kansas City.”

Slated (series) - Terri Terry

This suffers a little from Dystopia Trilogy Syndrome (I’m looking at you The Hunger Games and Divergent) as in the last book was a bit of a let down, but I remember really enjoying it when I read it a few years ago. I would recommend it to British readers. It’s set in the UK, and deals with the way that teenagers are punished by the UK justice system which is a large issue in the UK, less so now.

“Kyla’s memory has been erased, her personality wiped blank, her memories lost for ever. She’s been Slated.

The government claims she was a terrorist and that they are giving her a second chance - as long as she plays by their rules. But echoes of the past whisper in Kyla’s mind. Someone is lying to her, and nothing is as it seems. Who can she trust in her search for the truth?”

Books I’ve yet to read, but have been highly recommended: - Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli  - Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz - It’s Kind of a Funny Story - Ned Vizzini 

I hope this helps people and pls let me know if you have recommendations because I always need more books.

[zacfaq]

PLEASE DON’T SEND ME “PASS IT ON” MESSAGES !! as sweet as some of they are they can be really annoying. i don’t check my PMs here! if you need to get ahold of me either send me an ask, or email me.

apparently necessary reminder: google exists! i’m not a know-it-all source, honestly i shouldn’t even be your second plan after google unless it’s a question specifically based on me or something relating to me

i try to avoid fandom drama as much as possible and keep a generally positive space, so please don’t come and ask me about stuff like that. thanks. 

if you want to commission me please send an email to zacharyjackbaron@gmail.com. do not email me through this address if your intentions are purely social and not work related

-what do you use to record and edit your speedpaints?

i use OBS to record, and edit in sony vegas

-what do you use to draw?

huion gt-191 and clip studio paint

-what are your pen settings?

just the default settings. all my custom stuff/things i’ve downloaded from CSP assets are just things i think look neat but probably never end up using. 

-a blog called papersans is claiming to be you! are they a thief?

that’s literally me, i use it to archive my art so i can find stuff easier without having to hunt through my tag. also available for people who just want to see my art n not my other posts

-when is your birthday?

february 6th!

-what is your sexuality?

gay. i like men.

-how long does it take you to draw?

idk like. awhile? sometimes 45 minutes sometimes four hours sometimes a week. 

-can i draw you/your ocs?

of course! pls show me after it would make me very happy !!!!! 

-favourite band/singer/musician?

i don’t know a damn thing about myself here’s a spotify playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Zk5o5g7nMnGt0vrJVEcDq?si=7cd248a0b64046ee

-will you do art for cheap/free?

nah. art is currently the only job/income i have, if ur interested in commissioning me you can either find my prices on like, any of my pages, but if not ur more than welcome to email me @ zacharyjackbaron@gmail.com and i can give you prices there !! -(venting or something involving abuse, suicidal thoughts, self harm, bullying, eating disorders, or other similar things in real life situations. even in fiction i’m iffy.)

i hate to sound rude or not be of help, but please don’t send these messages to me. they send me into horrible anxiety  for several personal reasons. if you’re having such negative thoughts i implore you to speak to someone you trust without an anonymous mask, or do your best to seek help from a professional. i have my own things to worry about and as much as i’d like to help, i simply can’t.

-(asking for advice that isn’t related to art)

i would love to help but i’m not an ~all knowing source~. i can’t give you tips for school. i can’t give you tips for life. not only will i probably not know a solution for you but there’s likely a chance i’m in just as bad a situation as you/going through the same problem, as silent as i am about my personal life. also don’t use ‘asking for advice’ as an excuse to vent about things or to send me a paragraph describing in depth something listed above/that’s potentially triggering. thank you.

even if you’re looking fr art tips i’m not a great source i’m still learning, ur best bet is looking for already existing sources and reading through those bc i don’t preach the word of Art God. i’m also awful at explaining things

-why didn’t you answer my ask?

Main reason is i’m just really really bad at socializing, so it’s not anything on u. i’m almost always low on energy and when i do talk to people it wears me out really quick. i’m also just. not gr8 at talking in general so if i can’t think of a reply i tend to just leave things n then end up forgetting about them

-how do you draw [blank]?

honestly my art style is such a fucked up thing that’s so personalized to my own use i can’t do or make tutorials. the best i can do is direct you to my youtube.

-can we do an art trade?

sorry, i’ll have to say no. i’m not necessarily busy but i get stressed very easily, so i try to keep my art to either personal stuff or work ! if you would like art from me, please considering commissioning me! mutuals and friends may be the exceptions here if they catch me at a good time or we make plans well ahead to do smth when we’re both free to work on stuff

-can we be friends?

please don’t ask this. i’m awful enough at socialization as is and i just don’t fit well with most personality types. not to mention this is just overall a bad question. it backs the person being asked into a corner where they either have to say “yes” and end up in a friendship that actually isn’t working out and is maybe only good for one side bc they’re getting any and all of the benefits, and if they say “no” they look like a total dick bag and come across as an ass. don’t ask this question. it’s not how socializing works. it’s not how friendships work. thanks. -can you tag [blank]? unfortunately i’ve been a real bad place in terms of memory so i can’t tag tons and tons of things. i try and tag more general/basic things but i’m sorry i’ll have to pass on specifics. if i post or reblog things that trigger u or harm you it might be best to unfollow for ur own safety!! very sorry

if it’s specific words you’d like tagged please consider blacklisting the word itself. 

-how tall are you?

i’m 5'11".

-can you promo me?

i’d rather not, doesn’t sit well with me. if you have a commission post you want me to reblog i’m happy to! but i won’t just do text based handouts, y’know? not a fan of being used for visibility for no reason, and chances are if i do it for one person it’ll happen with hundreds of others and i don’t want my blog to turn into a free advertisement zone that just floods peoples’ feeds with promotions.

-you reblogged something from someone extremely problematic/unsafe

thank you for letting me know! tell me what it is they did, even better offer proof on it. i’ll likely delete the post and blacklist their url to hopefully prevent their name popping up on my blog in the future. i won’t publish these asks mostly to avoid discourse or in the event false information is provided. sorta just safety precaution i guess

-you’ve done something bad

again, thank you for letting me know! if i post or say something questionable please feel free to message me and i’ll try my best to address the issue and adjust accordingly. i’m aiming to grow as a person so critique is welcome, both on me and my artwork. don’t just come up and call me an asshole or a prick or something, actually point out the errors and explain why they’re wrong so i can better understand and it doesn’t just turn into a defensive round of who’s worse, because i tend to be a very defensive person.

-i think someone is stealing/reposting your art!

thank you very much for telling me! don’t message them right off the bat, come to me first and i will deal with it. i’ve dealt with this shit tons of times and it’s tiring as fuck but i’d rather repeat the same stupid civil message over and over again than start a giant calamity over something and end up with someone getting hurt. if you do get involved please stay polite about it don’t throw insults just a simple “hey this art was done by princeofmints/tv-headache/zachary jack/dirtypip/(etc my other account names) and he doesn’t want his art reposted, please take this down or add proper credit.”

-can i use your art as an icon?

sure man. only on places like instagram, tumblr, or twitter though, and proper credit in an easy to see place must be given. if a piece of art is of my ocs or especially vent art though never use it for icons. thank you.

-can i repost your art?

the answer is “no” but i know you’re going to do it anyways. easy to see credit is mandatory. if you see somebody reposting my art please let me know and i’ll talk to them. if you want to use my art in things like image edits, i don’t allow that. want to use my art in a video? if it’s something like an AMV sure fine just credit me and inform me beforehand, if it’s something like a cringe/comparison video. no. i don’t want any association with work like that whatsoever. you may not use my artwork for fanfic covers.

-can i colour/finish one of your sketches?

no. even if you don’t intend on posting it. 

-what is [insert some form of media/fandom]

https://www.google.ca/

-why do you have an entirely separate blog for your FAQ? you know you can make blog pages, right?

i’m well aware of that and originally my faq WAS set up on a blog page, but unfortunately many folks proved to be either lazy or just couldn’t figure out how to get to a blog page on mobile so i had to set it up this way for accessibility purposes.

-tons of your videos are gone, what happened to them? will they come back? can you repost them?

i set old videos on private for my own sake, i don’t like having my old content available bc it just looks old and stale and i don’t like it. there’s nothing deep about it, i just don’t want people interacting with my old stuff. as deep is it gets is i just deleted videos related to fandoms i’m sick of bc the association is fuckin annoying. these videos will not come back into public. i do keep them posted for my own reflection sake, but that’s it. don’t ask me to bring them back. don’t whine about me not putting shit back out just bc ur a little sad n gonna cry. guilting people is gross, reevaluate yourself.

if you want a song from an old video, just ask me! I’ll happily let you know what the music is in case u liked ‘em and can’t remember the titles or artists. i’ve also got a playlist full of the music i listen to so u can comb through there n see if the songs u want are there

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Fairy Tail S7 Part 2

Natsu and Gray went on a battle date how cute

“If there’s something you don’t want to see then stop looking” 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Lmao at this point Fairy Tail is just kind of like ‘we were 100% expecting for someone to fight us this is just our life’ 

“Sorry kid, I like ‘em full grown” FANTASY JELLAL IS FANTASTIC

Playing keepaway with the one magical item that might help you is probably not a good idea

“Children are much easier to assassinate” calm down Lord Voldemort

This is the most adorable dark power I’ve ever seen

“Girls just aren’t meant for fighting” KILL THEM LADIES

Natsu’s using a pretty loose definition of ‘adult’

Regression Man has not taken into account that Gray has been ready to fight since birth 

Someone needs to protect these small traumatized babies

I’m so proud of Gray for being so good at strategizing even when he’s like three feet tall  

It seems likes a poor decision to kill a demon on top of a sacred alter

DRAGON UNCLE THE FIRE DEITY 

I’m laughing at Gray grabbing Lucy’s forehead I guess that’s one way to cool her off 

“We don’t know why, or who’s responsible,” said Grand Doma, as Doranbolt and Lahar shared a look that said ‘Jellal?’

Well that escalated quickly poor Doranbolt he’s had a rough few years he must have the worst case of survivor’s guilt in history

“I could’ve sworn he already gave Juvia a clear cut answer in the form of a ‘No’” He did someone teach Juvia about consent

If they are going after former council members I am very concerned for Jellal 

It’s been a wild of ride from Laxus “I Will Murder All My Friends Including My Grandpa” Dreyar to Laxus “Defender of Little Girls and Old Men” and “Probably Fuckbuddies with Freed” Dreyar 

Poor little lightning man he deserves better than this

I love that Loke is present during important times because he’s a full-fledged member of the guild in his own right

Did Loke just tell Wendy that he fucked his way into important knowledge

The answer is yes, yes he did 

Michello is a piece of shit he wants Lucy to sacrifice a pregnant woman 

“You leave the town out of this,” said Natsu, before proceeding to destroy more of the town 

This is awful Elfman has already lived with the guilt of killing Lisanna once

I imagine “Immorality and Sinners” will not be nearly as fun an episode as the title might imply 

Midnight’s new character design is less goth and more Void

Leave Jellal and Erza be!!! They deserve a home together and five dogs not torture and guilt and five-on-one battles

Maybe I should rescind my comment on Juvia, Gray seems to be far more accepting of her presence near him than before

I KNEW HE LOOKED TOO MUCH LIKE GRAY HE’S 100% GRAY’S DAD I BET

“There’s a victim inside every villain - that doesn’t absolve us of our sins” I love Jellal so much 

This intro has induced a lot of stress what are they going to do to the guild hall what is going to happen to Jellal’s eyes please stop 

Why do they keep shooting holes through the people I love 

What the fuck man can Jellal see or what surely there were better ways to break through an illusion 

Chairman Crawford, probably: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal 

Kyoka, after murdering someone: It would seem that I have blundered

Mirajane is my beautiful demon queen she could definitely step on me

“You’ve implied that there may be a time and I am oh so willing to wait” I live for Loke ddfkjghksjghjkhfklg

Lmao @ Alzack carrying his little girl in his poncho while he battles The Ultimate Dad 

If Mira claims to have demon blood does that mean her siblings are half-siblings and also is Gray part demon because of Silver? Unclear

[Timberland voice] Only got 41 minutes to save the world 

A lot of Fairy Tail’s problems this season would be solved if people communicated better

My best guess for the soul is Gildarts by merit of the fact we haven’t seen him since before the games

Nope

“Are you trying to beat me or take me home? Because either way I’m not that easy!” I am deadass in love with this boy

Good for Wendy it’s about time she enhanced her combat abilities I know she’s a healer but she’s also a dragon slayer

Based on how many repeated shots there are this season plus the different animation they have a lower budget but they will spend every cent they have animating Gray’s titties

This is so fucked up why the little girl and the cat what the fuck

DORANBOLT TO THE RESCUE WHAT A BABE

I fucking forgot about Hades’ finger guns good lord

Richard thinks Jellal is in love with Merudy because he has not seen him interact with Erza for ten seconds in the past seven years

“You don’t choose for her” Cobra is a closet women’s rights activist

Amazing Jellal and Merudy can win over the hearts of villains with beautiful sincerity and inadvertent charm 

The Strauss family is so Pure

Lucy is always losing her top after a battle but you know what so is Gray so fair enough 

I wasn’t expecting to feel so sad about the celestial spirits oh no

LUCY IS GOING TO WIELD HER OWN PHYSICAL ATTACKS AGAIN YESSSSSSSSS

“The passion is electric” Even the villains are always gay for Erza

Gajeel, Juvia, Gray and Natsu forming #ProtectLucySquad is my aesthetic

“I’ve liked Gray for much longer than he has” I’m pretty sure his dad’s not going to try to bang him Juvia

It’s like since Doranbolt was being a good surrogate dad to Wendy they had to immediately contrast it with what a terrible dad Jiemma was

They do an impressive amount of keeping track of when things happened to them because in Gray’s mind his parents’ deaths must’ve happened ten years ago

Oh no Gray his going to fight Deliora while wearing his dad’s corpse

My baby is so smart using the elements around him to fight 

“You shut your filthy demon mouth!” Panther Lily sounds so offended yet so calm it’s hilarious 

Gray’s life is so sad let him be (but I’m happy that he’s going to be in this arc more)

Silver is embodying my will and giving Gray the world’s longest hug

“I’m an ice demon slayer now,” Well that was quick and convenient

I don’t really think Juvia is going to die but if she does it’ll be unfortunate

I just really want all of Fairy Tail to know that Lucy saved the she deserves that acknowledgement 

“This is how I die, drowning, falling, fading into black,” Gajeel is so dramatic

I can’t believe that Levy just gave underwater CPR I’m not sure if that’s medically sound 

GAJEEL DOESN’T KNOW LEVY KISSED HIM also Gajeel’s plan is totally what I thought Levy was gonna do 

Laxus my lightning baby is back <3

“I’m running solely on vengeance” Laxus pls 

Gajeel is watching this fight terrified and a little turned on

I guess there’s a reason the voice of Laxus was cast as Fight Dad in Bleach because he is truly the Fight Dad of this guild 

For the most part they try to show that no one is beyond redemption, everyone has the potential to be better or have someone they care for except Tempester who is like ‘by the way fuck you all’ as he dies

That is a plot twist I was not expecting holy shit Natsu’s dad was hiding in his body does that mean that Wendy and Gajeel also have dragons inside of them

Kinda fucked up that Kyoka is goddess of the slave planet and she’s fighting Erza who was once a slave

Juvia is just gently holding Laxus like ‘I will protect this man twice my size’

“Even making the slightest of movements causes my entire body to be wracked with pain” same Panther Lily same

Erza is the greatest warrior I have ever seen in my life

Mard Geer is so upset about being ignored by the dragon bros

OH MY GOD GAJEEL IS PAUSING IN TRANSPORTING THE WOUNDED TO SING FOR LEVY

No one loves a dramatic entrance as much as Gray Fullbuster

I love the lizard boys 

Honestly Natsu and Gray teaming up to fight the Big Bad is the battle I’ve been waiting for my whole life 

“The only thing she was ever going to be good for was continuing my bloodline” it is possible Jiemma is the worst father in this show

My boys are so in sync they can match each other’s strikes without even saying a word 

I’M SO PROUD OF MY BOYS THEY DID GOOD 

Doranbolt is so graceful that coat toss arced right onto Lisanna’s shoulders

Fucking Jellal has he just been walking around for hours while the world is ending dude needs to work on his timing 

Zeref, talking about his own murder: It saddens me, but you failed

“If you don’t get that he’s out of your league by now, you’re probably a lost cause” Fdfkghkdfjhgkfdjghklf Bickslow and Freed are killing me

I have a lot of emotions about Gray and his dad but I’m glad he’s at peace

“It is possible though, that our paths will someday cross” Erza’s garbage boyfriend missed the battle but drops by with vaguely inspiring words and a lowkey ‘I’ll call you’

Whaaaaaaaaaaat Mest has had the most confusing life

It’s a testament to how tired I am that it did not occur to me right away that Etherious Natsu Dragneel spelled out END