#give me Benoit back

[eepy-pleepy]

Netflix keeps locking me out of my family account because I don't live with my parents does anyone have any advice that doesn't give them a single extra cent because I will not reward this stupid behavior

[leikeliscomet]

The Black Gay Asexual Potential of the Fifteenth Doctor (And Why It Will Never Happen) - Mini Essay

If you're wondering if any of these words are in the Bible, walk with me for a second!

Obviously the Doctor being Black is a huge moment for Black representation but also for Black queer representation in particular. After his smooch with Rogue and alleged hot summer with Houdini, RTD isn't shying away from an openly gay incarnation of the Doctor (bearing in mind, he's not the first as the Doctor's been queer, okay!). Plus the show is fully aware of Ncuti Gatwa's attractiveness with constant references to his hotness throughout the season and Ms Cherry Sunday catching feelings (good for her). But one aspect that's rarely spoken about is Fifteen as an asexual character. If the Doctor is an asexual character being played by a Black man in the main lineup for the very first time, we essentially have the very first Black asexual main character not only in the show's history, but in queer TV/Film history. And that would be huge. Groundbreaking even. But many fans (and likely RTD himself) aren't seeing Fifteen as asexual like previous incarnations. From the cries of the Doctor 'finally' becoming gay (like he didn't lipse Jack back in '05), the Doctor 'finally' becoming hot or the Doctor 'finally' being 'allowed to fuck', it's like Fifteen's asexuality has been erased before it could even exist to begin with. And whilst non-asexual gay identity deserves its representation too, especially as it's lacking for dark skin Black gay men, I can't help noticing the erasure not only of the potential of Fifteen's asexuality, but the non existent conversation about it in the first place and how it feeds into the long erasure of Black and gay identity from the face of the asexual spectrum and asexual representation as a whole.

Black asexual representation is rare, with the only Black asexual main character in film history being Selah Summers of Selah and the Spades. The only Black asexual boy in TV history is the recent character Elijah in Big Mouth. The sexualisation and desexualisation of Blackness play a key role in why Black aces are nonexistent in TV/Film. Through tropes like the Mandingo and the Jezebel and the fetishes of ebony and BBC, Black people are assumed to have an insatiable, animalistic sexual appetite stemming from slavery. Ncuti Gatwa's actually spoken about experiencing this fetishisation in white gay spaces. In reverse, tropes like the Mammy desexualise Black people, Black women especially. If Black people can't serve a sexual purpose then we have no sexuality at all and must give ourselves to exclusively performing domestic and physical labour. When you're asexual these stereotypes manifest in the most confusing way possible. On top of navigating a sexuality that's largely invisible itself already, you're balancing the sexual stereotypes of your desire that don't exist because of your alleged undesirability but also exist strongly enough to stop you from actually being asexual.

Prominent Black aroace activist and model Yasmin Benoit is the prime example as her aspec identity is constantly attacked by white conservatives and white TERFs, claiming she's 'too sexy' to be asexual. Even in outfits where she's fully dressed, the white conservative right sees her as too sexual to be asexual and that she is a 'heterosexual' sexual grifter. In other contexts, white conservatives and TERFs see her as 'sexualising asexuality' because she wears lingerie as a model whilst existing as an aroace (the horror!). In that respect they do recognise asexuality exists, but not for her specifically. Asexuality is real, but not in Black people. These stereotypes also manifest inside the asexual community itself. The image of the asexual in most people's minds, is a nerdy awkward white man (The Sheldon), a smart too-busy-for-a-girlfriend white man (The Sherlock) or if we're really, really lucky, the previous but a white woman (The Florence from Sex Education). Whilst ace visibility slowly grows and progress is still being made, Black asexuality is still missing from the conversation. Plus when you look at 'acceptable' asexual Doctors the incarnations form qwhite an interesting pattern. Socially, the idea of asexuality aligns closer with incarnations like One and Twelve, heavily explaining why claiming those two as ace is least likely to be controversial (The Aztec fans notwithstanding). #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike was created by Benoit for this very reason. Black asexual men in ace activist circles such as Tyger Songbird and Marshall Blount have spoken about the erasure of Black men from asexuality specifically. The stereotypes about Black men's sexuality in particular like the Mandingo, the thug and the player can make it difficult for many Black men to come to terms with asexuality because of the sexual stereotypes they're societally expected to live up to. The Doctor Who fandom played into this a bit as I still remember the jokes about 'BBC having new meaning' once Ncuti Gatwa was cast. Whilst not necessarily hinging on his Blackness, there were also many memes and hyperfocus on Ncuti Gatwa's arse and crotch and large reactions to his nude magazine shoots. Whilst it's important not to stigmatise sexual desire whether it's of Fifteen himself or of the gay, bi and pan fans who find him attractive as their desire towards men is already stigmatised in wider society, sexual attraction to Black people doesn't an ally make. And participation in sex and sexuality is not unconditional, permanent consent. There's a difference between sexual attraction and sexualisation. Recognising someone as sexually attractive isn't at odds with recognising their own autonomy as a sexual being. And shouldn't be. From the already addressed sexualisation and invalidation of Yasmin Benoit's asexuality and aromanticism, the long history of the sexualisation of Black people and the specific sexual stereotyping of Black men, it's no surprise Black asexuality is left as an afterthought or impossibility. The Doctor Who fandom is no different.

From the very real sanitisation and repression of gay sexuality from the banning of gay men's books, criminalisation of homosexuality and 'homosexual acts' and the gay panic of the HIV/AIDS crisis, there's always been a fear and stigmatisation of gay sex and sexuality. But because of this, there's a knee-jerk reaction to sexless gay identity as it's seen as a side effect of gay sanitisation. Gay asexuality can't exist autonomously without being a sign of that repression. Alternatively, because of the sexual puritan idea that being gay is inherently sexually deviant and an inherently sexual identity, the asexual gay man 'can't' exist. This also explains the conservative rhetoric about Fifteen and RTD making the Doctor 'not asexual anymore', because to be gay and asexual in their eyes is an oxymoron due to their homophobia. This also bleeds into the erasure of bi, lesbian and pan asexualities too. As written before in my Thasmin thinkpiece, the Thirteenth Doctor's lack of sexual attraction to Yaz is seen as proof that not only that she doesn't love Yaz, but that Thirteen isn't even a 'real' sapphic or a 'real' strong female character. Under compulsory sexuality (and most Thasmin discoursers apparently) to be a sexually liberated woman and a sapphic means to have sex and sexual attraction. Thirteen's repressed, as in having a sexual attraction yet to be unlocked or a sexual attraction she was 'supposed' to have, but not autonomously ace as in not having it in the first place. So in a similar sense to Fifteen, ace-sapphic Thirteen got her wings clipped before she could ever properly fly. Linking back to gay asexuality specifically, the compulsory sexuality that prevents the acceptance of asexuality and the sexualisation and demonisation of gayness means to be 'to be gay and asexual is to coexist in conflict' according to queer writer Michael Paramo, who's consistently written the about these contradictions as a Mexican gay asexual person.

When gay asexuality and Black asexuality are brought up, it's almost exclusively in the context of desexualisation. Many and frankly too many people use asexual as a synonym for desexualised. This leads to a push to 'stop making POC asexual' and 'stop thinking gay people are asexual' plus constant reminders gay and Black people fuck with to 'correct' a sexlessness that's seen as abnormal for these groups to have, further pushing Black and gay asexuality to the back of a very, very long queue. If your asexuality can't exist because you're an inherently sexual being whether you want to be or not and it can't exist in the space where your sexuality is supposed to be free, where do you go? Where do the Black asexual and the gay asexual go if they aren't supposed to exist in the first place?

So enter the Fifteenth Doctor, we have a golden opportunity right here. Under antiblackness and homophobia wrapped in the ribbon of compulsory sexuality, you have a Black gay asexual incarnation of the Doctor. You have a character navigating layers on layers on layers of contradictions. You can navigate the gay experience in someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction. You can navigate the ace experience in someone who experiences romantic attraction to men. You can show two forms of queerness from an underrepresented dark skin Black lens. You show asexuality, Blackness and gay identity in how they overlap, intersect and shape one experience. You're showing a form of queerness that is never, and I mean never shown before.

And that brings me to why I don't think it will ever happen. If series 15, 16 or beyond proves me wrong the 'Black Gay Ace Fifteen is Amazing' thinkpiece will drop with a quickness. Trust me! But, RTD doesn't tend to write asexual characters. He focuses on the experiences of gay and bisexual men, has the occasional lesbian character and some trans characters. Apparently, there's an ace person interviewed in the Tofu web series in the 'Not Having Sex' episode so that's cool, but overall, The Asexual Character written by RTD is yet to be written. And I don't think they'll ever be. I don't expect RTD to write do this because I don't think queer writers, in this case, gay writers writing specifically about their own queerness slightly more than others is weird at all. I'm not surprised RTD writes mostly gay men as a gay man, so I'm not expecting or demanding asexual representation from him specifically. Similarly, from how RTD's written his Black characters in RTD1, I'm really not expecting him to make the next Moonlight. Whilst Roscoe from It's a Sin felt like a breath of fresh Nigerian gay air, this hasn't really translated into RTD2 yet. From 'Do you come in a range of different colours?' to how series 14 had no Black writers at all let alone queer Black ones and the atrocity that was Dot and Bubble, if Fifteen's experience as a Black queer person is missing or fumbled completely I won't be surprised.

That being said, RTD and Doctor Who are fully aware of its reputation as a queer show, as in an umbrella of all gender identities and sexualities. If Doctor Who both in show and fandom are pro-queer, as in embracing all forms of unconventional sexuality, as in being a safe haven for sexuality that's unrepresented and as in challenging the ideas of 'normal' sexuality then asexuality needs to be a part of that. No ifs, buts or excuses. I can't help but notice the coincidence of the Doctor 'not being asexual anymore' alongside the Doctor not being white anymore. And from the deliberate erasure of Black and gay asexuality on screen, inside asexual community and in wider queer community, I can't get behind another form of erasure even if it's accidental. The concept of Fifteen simply being demisexual, greysexual or a sex-favourable ace isn't even entertained in fandom either or the idea that Fifteen never stopped the Doctor's asexuality actually, but instead is just showing a flirty side of it. But even then it begs the question of why being Black and/or gay with no sexual attraction is seen as an impossibility. Why is letting go of sexual expectations of Black and gay people an impossibility? The Doctor Who fandom's and writer's (looking at you Moffat) long fear of asexuality is yet to be unpacked and until that day comes, I don't think we'll get close to any openly asexual doctor, let alone a Black and gay asexual one. Fifteen being asexual wouldn't dampen, sanitise or ruin him as a queer character. He could be flirty as can be, clubbing every night, skimpy outfit wearing, hot summers with Houdini galore and running off with Rogue into the sunset and still be asexual at the end of the day. Asexuality is a massive umbrella of different experiences, perspectives and people. It isn't asexuality that limits people, it's ignorant and restrictive attitudes about queerness that do. Asexuality doesn't, hasn't and will never restrict the Doctor's queerness, but compulsory sexuality does. And will.

I would love to be wrong about this and get bamboozled with Fifteen being written as a gay ace Black man in future series but knowing how RTD does Black characters in Doctor Who and the 'queer hierarchy' of the fandom, I won't be getting my hopes up. All I ask is that fandom and its writers be brave and look at representation different from their own. Something unfamiliar, something new, something borrowed, something blue. You could learn a lot. Queerness is a large umbrella after all. Anything is possible.

[daydream-believin]

a real stand up guy ba dum tss

summary: you get stood up by an internet man. douxie, your waiter and secret admirer, remedies that jackass’s mistake.

warnings: uh. swearing, alcohol, i’m too lazy to proof, the yooj. oh and doux doesn’t know how to handle this crush without getting slightly into stalker territory sorry. its a red flag but i think its cute. you may not think its cute.

a/n: tumblr was glitching while i tried to post this so idk how many paragraphs i accidentally erased. i mean i tried my best to make that number 0. but anyways if something is off let me know. the challenge for this one is that im not allowed to use italics. which you should know was very hard for me agshjfkgjdjh

taglist: @moppetwithamanbun @alovesongshewrote @blixeon @prismarts @fantasyiswaybetterthanreality @ukuleles-and-roses

okay quick psa i know it’s been years so if you want off the taglist just hmu. also if you were on the taglist and got taken off thats bc tumblr says you don’t exist anymore

uh this was a request. i’m not doing requests tho dont think that. looking back yeah that ask if from march 2022 and this doesn’t even match up to what you asked 😂 im so sorry @rose-writes-shit

you took a peek at your watch. 7:34 o’ clock. letting your head fall into the open palm of your propped up hand, you sighed.

coffee meets bagel boy was supposed to have met you at 7:00.

of fucking course. you let your plucky pink-haired coworker convince you to download a fucking dating app and make a profile, just for the only guy who had actually been interested enough in you to ask you on a real date to stand you up. makes sense.

it’s not like you’ve ever had luck with these kind of things. it’s not like you’ve ever had luck period. your kind might be the black cat of humans.

you’ve spent way too long eating the free bread at a mr. benoit’s of all places. it was the “classiest” establishment in the certain suburban hellscape of california you inhabited, albeit. you took in the scenery for the millionth time that night with a renewed sense of disgust. at least now you had a legitimate reason to hate this place.

your waiter slinked over, and you could tell he felt bad for you with the awkward shuffling gait to the pity grimace on his face.

“so, uh, perhaps more bread?”

you rolled your face towards him, arbitrarily throwing animosity his way with your dead eyes, just because he was there. but soon your compulsive desire to be the funniest pathetic wretch in the room won out.

“i’m considering burning this whole place down right now, actually,” you joked.

he grit his teeth, sucking in a breath, “could i perhaps convince you to do that on a night i’m not closing, instead? tomorrow is my least favorite coworker’s turn, for your consideration,”

“hmm,” you pretended to think, “i’ll do that then, it’s only kind,”

“thank you for your generosity,” he grinned, “now, are you still waiting for someone or?”

-

douxie had been watching you for over half an hour now. not creepily. he swears. he just got a little excited when he saw you come into the restaurant is all.

anddd maybe he might have badgered the host into giving you one of his tables. but again, he was just excited. he’s been looking for an excuse to talk to you for the past three months, after all. forgive him for jumping on the opportunity.

he maybe fancied you. just a wee bit. perhaps a rather large bit. or at least, the version of you he’s cooked up in his head from the way he sees you interact with people at house parties and the things he’s heard from zoe.

but he’s sure he’ll love you. as soon as he gets to know who you actually are. which, hopefully, is about to be sooner rather than later.

he did not anticipate this situation, however. whatever benevolent deity blessed him on this night decided to throw a jar of pickled herring in with the otherwise yummy pastry filled gift basket they left for him.

not long after you arrived at 6:56 pm, not that he marked the time you came in or anything he just happened to glance at the clock around that time, he watched you, how they say, deflate. your demeanor shifted from antsy to sad to downright annoyed.

you were dressed nicely. not fancy, not pretending like this wasn’t a benoit’s. but nice. orderly. like you wanted to make a good impression on whoever it was you were expecting to meet. so either a date, or mayhaps a job interview.

not that you didn’t look nice or orderly on other days. you just weren’t in your hex tech uniform shirt. or in the incredibly casual clothes you wore when he saw you around. you were just. clearly cleaned-up, is all.

whoever it was, it was obvious that they were not coming. doux applauded you for being patient enough to wait this long, but again, they obviously weren’t coming. which, if it was a date, was good for him, but bad for you. very bad for you.

and honestly who does this person think they are? letting you down like this? horrible. disgraceful. this person was a grade A jerk-off. they have to be dead from the neck up to leave you waiting here like this, publicly embarrassing you as you sat at a table set for two all alone at one of the busiest restaurants in town. shame on them.

he was glad you seemed to be in the joking mood, however. and about arson, too. oh, he’s always had a soft spot for arsonists.

he hoped you’ll forgive him for having to do his job. if it was up to him, he’d give you all the bread in the pantry just so you wouldn’t leave. but alas, he had to deal the killing blow.

“now, are you still waiting for someone, or?”

your eyes drifted downward to the empty wineglass in your hand as you swirled it sarcastically as if it were still full.

you sighed, “yeah, no, it’s clear he doesn’t plan on showing,” you looked back up at him ruefully, “i’ll order now. i shouldn’t have waited this long for an internet man, anyway, huh? could’ve made it less pathetic.”

“i don’t think there’s a way to make these things any ‘more’ or ‘less’ pathetic,” he began taking out his notepad, ready to write, “because i wouldn’t call it pathetic at all. getting stood up is a thing that’s done to you, not because of who you are, but because of who someone else chooses to be… unless you stole this guy’s car or something. then it’s your fault.”

you laughed. genuinely.

“no, no, it’s a first date. i haven’t known this guy long enough to steal his car yet. but thanks… that’s. a better outlook than mine. kinder,” you apologized, “… uh, can i have like, the cheapest bottle of white wine you’ve got back there? the whole thing this time.”

“i take it back. that definitely made it pathetic.”

while you shared a laugh, douxie mentally congratulated himself. you had just given him the information that a) you were single and b) you were into men. a good day to be a charming single man, then. he had a chance.

“so are you ordering any real food as well? or did you plan on just having wine and bread for dinner? have to say, i don’t think that’s wise, love.”

“well i suppose i gotta, since, i’ve, uh, eaten three baskets of complimentary bread,” you stumbled over your words for a second there, “and i’m sure it’d make the manager mad if it didn’t, right?”

“right you are. he’s uh,” douxie lowered his voice, “he’salreadybeenonmydickaboutyou so yeah, you gotta. plus i’m just— you should eat something, yeah.”

you awkwardly turned your attention to the menu as you did that thing where you hold it and pretend to look over the menu as you order like you forgot or something, “the duck confit sounds good for tonight, i think,”

douxie snorted.

“no, no, that wasn’t a joke,” you shook your head, smiling fondly, “i actually just like duck, i promise. no sarcasm. i do understand the irony though. i get it.”

he didn’t completely believe you, “well then, one order of duck confit, coming right up. be back shortly, love.”

doux grabbed the breadbasket on his way out.

when he glanced back to throw you a short and unnoticeable but longing stare, as he paused in the kitchen doorway, you were fidgeting with the flowers on the table. he should get that order in now.

-

when your waiter came back with food, he placed two plates down on the table. you looked at him like he had suddenly grown a second head as he took the other seat as well.

“what are you—“

“i called in a favor with the owner. i’m still working but, i’ve got a bit of free time now. if you don’t mind me joining you,”

you shook your head in astonishment.

“not at all,” you smiled, still absolutely flabbergasted that this man would do something like this for you, “you’re douxie, right? zoe’s mentioned you a lot.”

“oH—,” he coughed, “oh, uh, she has?“

“yeah,”

he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, “only good things, i pray?”

“oh, sure. sure. good things,” you took a demure little sip of your glass to torture him with the pause implying the contrary.

he swallowed audibly. nervous, then. what dirt did zoe have on him. you watched as he awkwardly shoved up the sleeves of his shirt, perhaps feeling a bit warm now. it was cute.

you’d be sure to ask zoe all about him later. how could you not. this was the most interesting thing to happen all year. and it’s december.

you racked your brain for what you knew of this guy for conversation topics.

“you’re in zoe’s band, right? the lead guitarist.”

his face lit up at the mention of it, “oh, yes. you’ve seen us?”

“once or twice, i believe.”

it wasn’t really your thing, live music. you mostly hung around the back of the bar when you got dragged to shows. you liked loud, sometimes. just not often. it really depended on how your brain was feeling that day.

“well, you’ve gotta come to the next gig, then, at least. i’m sure zoe’s already invited you?” you nodded. “the venue’s holding a wee little music festival, it’s going to be nuclear,”

“ah, that’s fun,” you smiled. that sounded like hell but now that two very enthusiastic wizards have invited you, you don’t have the heart to weasel your way out of it. you’ll bring the “XTREME” ear plugs.

“but yeah, the bands great. i love that i get to play with my mates now. a team that works as well together as we do is rare, so i really appreciate them.”

“speaking of,”

doux hummed inquisitively.

“what’s going on with zoe and that new girly y’all’ve got on the drums?”

“oh,” he paused to take a sip, narrowing his eyes mischievously, “they’re boning.”

you clasped your hands together excitedly, “thank you! you’ve just won me a betting pool.”

he almost had to spit the wine back into his glass,“hhhh. how many?”

“oh, just the entirety of the hex tech arcadia staff.”

“i’m not sure she’ll be happy to hear that.”

“which is why you won’t tell her, mr. casperan,” you placed your hand over his with a cheshire cat grin.

well, he couldn’t argue with that.

dinner progressed. alas, you can’t say you lingered as long as you wanted to on conversation. you were kinda rushing things because you felt a little guilty doux was getting someone to cover for him while you had your little date. was this a date. it had to be. as mentioned, he’s going out of his way for this, and you can’t imagine he’d go through all this trouble because he wasn’t interested in you. but then again, you couldn’t believe he was interested in you either.

“do you like cryptozoology?” douxie tried his best to ask nonchalantly while he scratched the bridge of his nose to look a little less interested. he was feeling a bit energized since talking about the band. you had been paying attention to him like he’d been paying attention to you, if only in passing.

“a tad more than the average californian wizard, why?”

“well, later this weekend, i’ve got a job exterminating a goblin infestation in the next town over,”

“snelling?”

“yeah, snelling. the guy i was partnering with told me he was backing out this morning, so now i’ll be going it alone. and im sure you know how fighting goblins alone usually goes.”

“makes it easier for them to gang up on you, yes.”

“see, that’s why i’m asking if you’d be interesting in taking his place?”

“well, i’ve got the weekend off and nothing to do,” he knew that, he got the hex tech schedule from zoe every week(to know how to schedule band practice. and, if he also took a peak at your schedule, it was purely accidental. yeah.), “so, i don’t see why not.”

doux grinned, both relieved he wouldn’t be fighting goblins alone, and feeling clever that he found an excuse to spend more time with you, “perfect, i’ll text you the details? but, oh, i don’t have your number do i?”

you were about to ask why he couldn’t just tell you in person right now, but he said that soo hammy. it took .01 seconds to understand what he was doing. you snorted.

“okay, okay, here,” you held out your hand and he gladly placed his unlocked phone in your hand. you made the contact and sent yourself a text of the first emoji he had in his recents, which happened to be🫀. ah, a goth romantic. you gave him back his phone.

“perfect. thank you, love.” he tucked the phone into his chest dramatically before placing in back into his pocket.

you rolled your eyes fondly, “you know, goblin smashing isn’t exactly my idea of the perfect second date, you might have to turn up the charm.”

“oh, i’m sure i’ll make it worth your while,” he let his head fall into his palm propped up on the table, gaze going soft, “so was this a perfect first date, then?”

you laughed, “hardly. all things considered. but—“

“but?”

“but i’m glad it happened this way. i’ve had a good time, mr. casperan.”

he grinned in agreement, “me too.”

you put your hand on top of the one he left resting on the table, and he took the opportunity to take that hand and gently lay a kiss to the top of your knuckles. he lingered for a moment, eyes shut tight to take in the tenderness of the moment.

alas, he has to go back to work now.

doux pulled out your chair and helped you to your feet. you thanked him as he started stacking the dishes.

“should i—?”

“no, god no,” he chuffed, “i’m the waiter, remember? i work here.”

“oh yeah.”

that reminded you. you shuffled for your wallet, but he stopped you.

“i’m paying for dinner, love. go enjoy the rest of your evening, i’ll text you after i close.”

“you sure?” it didn’t really sit right with you, considering he probably took a pay cut by not working the whole time you were on this little “date.”

“well,” he paused, and placed the dishes back onto the table for time being, “you could leave me a tip, if you know what i mean. just a teeny thing—“

“c’mere,” you snickered as you pulled him down by the lapels to kiss him.

chaste, just a peck. but perfect and sweet all the same.

when you pulled back, you watched as douxie held his eyes closed for just a moment longer than he need to before letting that blinding all encompassing smile bloom across his face.

“well then, a very goodnight to you, y/n l/n.”

[couldawouldashoulda50]

From Completely Different Worlds - A Follow-up

Happy New Year everyone - wishing you all the very best in 2025.

I thought I would write a little follow-up to the final chapter of the series, mostly to tie up any loose ends. This next part picks up from the following day, which is Thanksgiving at Loren's.

I had a thought - I would like to continue writing little blurbs for these two...I have about 3 or 4 outlines just for some little situational moments that I thought might be fun to dive into. I hope there will be a few readers out there that might like to continue on their journey together ❤️

Warnings - profanity, general smut (p in v)

Word count - approx 5k

18+ only please.

“Fuck, I’m full,” William groaned as he closed the sliding door to the backyard, Pablo and Banksy trotting back inside without a care. He shuffled over to Loren, who was fast-tracking the steeping process of the ginger tea she’d made to help settle his stomach. Leaning over to sniff the mug, he wrinkled his nose slightly. “What is this?”

“It’s ginger tea—it should help with your stomach,” Loren said, smiling as his hand found the small of her back in a casual, comforting gesture. “It’s worth a shot, anyway.”

Sliding in behind her, William moved her hair aside, brushing his lips against the base of her neck. The soft, ticklish giggle she let out made him grin, even as the weight in his stomach reminded him of just how much he’d eaten.

He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud—not yet—but what he felt in that moment was undeniable. Happiness. Gratitude. Optimism. After everything they’d been through—the ups, the downs, the doubts—there was no question of how they felt about one another now. They were here. Together. Alone.

And if only he hadn’t gone for those two extra pieces of lemon meringue pie, he’d have been expressing himself in a much more interesting and physical way.

They moved to the couch where the dogs were already sleeping, Pablo curled up on the cushion and Banksy on the arm of the couch. William shifted Loren’s legs after she sat and positioned himself between them, his back resting on her torso. He sipped his tea and allowed the warmth of the ginger to calm his stomach.

There were candles still lit throughout the room, providing a lovely ambiance earlier as Simon (Benoit) and William had talked team dynamics while Alice fed Adelaide. Loren had sat beside her, petting the Benoits’ dogs that had come for some turkey as well.

As the flames flickered with an occasional invisible draft, the mood between them was nothing short of tranquil and serene.

Loren kissed William’s head, and he leaned into her affectionately, prompting her to give more.

William and Alex had arrived at Loren’s together earlier in the day, but Alex had taken off with William’s car after dessert for a get-together that, for once, didn’t include his brother. William hadn’t asked for specifics—he figured it might be a new fling on the horizon. Alex’s vague responses had all but confirmed William’s assumptions.

He softly broke the silence. “So…can I stay here tonight?”

As William leaned back against Loren on the couch, he found himself silently hoping the plans he’d formed in his mind with her would actually come to life, despite his uncomfortably full stomach.

Loren paused, her gaze drifting over the length of William’s body sprawled across the couch. A soft chuckle escaped her. “Theoretically, you’re kind of stuck here,” she teased. “But… I’d really like that. If it works for you.”

“I have practice at noon tomorrow—can you drive me home in the morning?”

Loren planted soft kisses against William’s head, her lips brushing against his hairline. “I want to make a joke about me being Kathy Bates in the movie Misery, but I doubt you’ll know what I’m talking about.”

William shook his head, a small smile forming. “You’re right, I don’t. The title doesn’t sound very… optimistic.”

She laughed softly, the sound warm and melodic. “It’s not. Let’s just say it involves a guy being stuck somewhere he really doesn’t want to be. Kathy Bates plays a nurse—a caregiver for him—but, uh, she’s a little… unhinged.”

William tilted his head back to look at her, his brows furrowed in mock confusion. “And this is your way of inviting me to stay the night?”

Loren grinned, her hand stroking his shoulder lazily. “It’s more about poking fun at you for being trapped here without a car. But now that you mention it…”

William chuckled and set his empty mug down on the coffee table, shifting onto his side to face her. “So… wait. Does she kill him?”

Loren smirked, her fingers threading gently through his hair. “Mmm, no. She incapacitates him by taking a sledgehammer to his ankles. I never read the book, but apparently, in that version, she takes an axe to his foot.”

William hung his head, rubbing his face with his hands. “I’m going to have nightmares after this,” he groaned, half-laughing.

Loren bit her lip and shot him an apologetic glance. “I’m sorry, I forgot… it might be too soon to joke about a girl blowing up your world again. So yes, I can drive you to practice… at whatever time you need.”

William shifted again, this time laying flat on his back, the couch just wide enough to accommodate his long frame. Loren instinctively curled into him, her head resting against his chest as his arm wrapped securely around her. He guided one of her legs to drape over his, pulling her closer until there was no space left between them.

His fingers traced patterns along her back, while she soothingly ran her hands across William’s clothed chest. The room was quiet save for the occasional rustling of the dogs shifting in their sleep.

William spoke first, his eyes fixating on the dark freckles that adorned her cheekbones - just another element of her beauty that he found so unique. He shifted slightly beneath her as if to prompt her to look up at him.” “We should talk though, about all of that stuff that happened - try and prevent it from happening again.”

Loren tilted her head up, her gaze settling on his face. It always struck her, the perfection of his features—it was unsettling in a way. She contemplated his words, her own brows furrowing. “I’m not sure it’s anything that either of us will be able to prevent from happening,” she admitted, tinged with uncertainty.

Loren continued, her tone thoughtful but laced with a hint of teasing. “I mean, you’re wildly popular—for all the good and not-so-good reasons. And you’ve been in this game—this league, this team—for a long time now. I can’t come into your life and start saying you can’t do this or that.”

She grinned knowingly, her eyes catching his. “You might seem really laid-back and chill, but I get the feeling you’re also really fucking stubborn.” Her smile widened at his soft chuckle before her expression changed slightly. “What I’m saying is… those pictures. You were hugging someone, or they were posing with you, and it looked like something it wasn’t. I can’t start throwing ultimatums at you—‘No more posing with women or hugging them’ or any of that shit.”

William stayed quiet, letting her words sink in. With other women he’d dated, conversations like this - if they even got that far in their relationship - eventually led to immature arguments or ultimatums—laying down rules that William couldn’t (or wouldn’t) adhere to.

It had been the underlying theme since he first met her - it shouldn’t have but the way she approached things still threw him off from time to time. She wasn’t blaming him or trying to control him. Instead, she was being honest about how she felt and what worried her, and she was leaving space for him to be himself. It was refreshing in a way he hadn’t expected.

His fingers moved lightly over her sleeve as he listened, unsure of what to say just yet.

William’s expression silently signaled for her to keep talking.

Loren leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his chest before lifting her gaze back to his face. “I guess I’d say—hmm, how do I put this?” She paused, her brow furrowing slightly as she searched for the right words. “I don’t know what to expect with any of this. I think all I can really ask for is… some help getting through those uncomfortable moments….especially at this point - at the beginning. I hope that makes sense?”

William brought his lips close to hers, his voice low and steady. “Makes perfect sense.” William kissed her lightly before asking his next question. “Can you give me an example - of maybe what I can do to help. I mean - whatever you need and all that but you gotta maybe - help me, help you, sorta thing?”

Loren bit her lip, a sheepish smile forming at the corners of her mouth. “Letting me vent—and I’ll do my best to make it clear that’s all it is. So it doesn’t sound like I’m, you know, ripping you a new asshole.”

William feigned being shocked. “Wait - you have a temper? I don’t believe it.”

Loren rolled her eyes, laughing softly as she gave his shoulder a playful shove. “I do not have a temper. I just… get animated about certain things.”

William’s grin widened as he raised his hands, mimicking the exaggerated one-fingered salutes she had been know to give on the occasion. “Uh-huh. Animated. Got it.”

Loren nudged him again, narrowing her eyes playfully. “Passionate’s maybe a better word.”

A wry smile played on his lips as his gaze flicked to hers. “I’ll say—you are definitely… passionate.”

The conversation paused for another moment. William hadn’t said it yet, but part of him was still worried. Not just about the misinformation and the issues they just got through—though that had been bad enough. It was about all the other things Loren might see, hear, or read. Stuff that would seem harmless to him but could easily look like something else to her.

He’d been in this game long enough to know how it worked. People loved to talk, speculate, exaggerate. He was used to it—had learned to tune it out years ago. But Loren? She wasn’t just stepping into his world; she was stepping into the chaos that came with it.

And he couldn’t help but wonder… would it wear her down? Would she start to question every hug, every photo, every headline? He hated the idea of her doubting him—of them being pulled apart by things that didn’t matter.

William sighed, running his thumb absently over the back of her hand. He didn’t want to scare her off, but she needed to know. “Loren,” he began, his voice low, steady. “There’s something I want to say, and I need you to really listen to me.”

She looked up at him, her brows knitting slightly in concern. “Okay,” she said softly.

He hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “I know you know this but there’s… a lot out there. About me. Stuff people say, stuff they think they know - they’ll just go ahead and post it and not think of it again. But then it winds up all over the place - and it’s not even accurate or true. I’ve learned to ignore it, but… it might not be easy for you. All of the articles, pictures, fans saying things online - it’s everywhere whether you’re looking for it or not. Some of it might get under your skin - and I get it - it plants doubts and insecurities.”

Her hand tightened slightly in his, her eyes steady on his. “You’re worried that I’m going to get messed up over everything that’s out there and start turning on you?”

“No,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “It’s not that. I just… I want you to know it’s okay if it gets to you sometimes. But I need you to tell me when it does. Don’t let it build up, don’t keep it to yourself. Just… talk to me. We’ll figure it out - but you just gotta let me know.”

He paused, his gaze holding hers. “Look, Loren - I know your instinct is to step back—to take time to sort things out on your own. I get that. But…” He swallowed, his thumb brushing her knuckles. “I need you to promise me you won’t shut me out. Not this time. We can’t afford a month of silence to let things settle….it’s really important to me that you just… talk to me, even if you feel embarrassed or are just trying to get past something you’ve seen or heard. Okay?”

Loren nodded, her throat tightening with the thought of the time they lost in the previous month.

William exhaled slowly, the words coming a little harder now. “And I’ll be honest—I’m not the greatest at asking what’s wrong. I’ll try, but if I start to think there’s something bothering you all the time…” He hesitated, a light chuckle led to a wry smile. “It might actually drive me fucking nuts. So I’ll need your help there too—just… tell me where you’re coming from. I’ll do my best to understand…even if it doesn’t make sense right away.”

He paused, his fingers intertwining with hers. “You don’t have to handle everything on your own, Loren. That’s all I’m trying to say.”

Loren nodded, her face giving a look of appreciation mixed with understanding. “I hear you,” was her reply, her fingers lightly toying with the buttons on his shirt.

It wasn’t long before Loren heard the faint sound of snoring. She smiled against the fabric of his shirt, her heart swelling with the calm and contentment that surrounded them. For the first time in weeks, everything felt right again.

As the snores grew louder and more prolonged, she bit back a laugh. She didn’t want to disturb him, but she knew she had to get him to bed. A crick in his neck or a sore back—despite the couch being ultra-comfortable—was not ideal at the start of the season.

“William? William Nylander,” she whispered softly, shifting against him. “Better get you up to bed.”

His eyes stayed closed, but a lazy smile crept across his face. Loren giggled, leaning in to leave a trail of kisses along his jawline and down to his neck, the warmth of her lips lingering against his skin.

It was at that moment where William really regretted over indulging after everyone had left. The food was amazing but he was sure her mouth on any part of his body would overshadow his second mini-feast. He kept his thoughts to himself but suddenly the elicit thoughts of what might greet him the following morning danced in his mind.

Loren gently scooped up Pablo, cradling him against her chest as she planted soft kisses into his fur. He let out a long, contented groan, his eyes slipping closed again. “Turkey-itis, eh, Pablo?” she murmured with a smile. “You’re just like your dad.”

She didn’t look back for a response, already halfway up the stairs, but William’s unmistakable chortle followed her. A moment later, while supporting Banksy’s rear in one hand, his other hand playfully squeezed her ass—a clear acknowledgment of her mild ribbing.

Once upstairs, the dogs were placed on Loren’s bed, sniffing the comforter before circling and settling into their chosen spots. Between stolen kisses and a few teasing gropes while getting ready for bed, William was the first to slip under the sheets, letting out a satisfied groan as he melted into the mattress.

Loren wasn’t far behind, stepping out in a camisole and shorts before maneuvering herself between the sleeping dogs to nestle beside him.

William feigned disappointment as his eyes swept over her, the thin fabric clinging to her curves. “You usually sleep naked—what happened?”

Loren brushed her lips against his bare chest, her voice low and teasing. “I’m not saying I have that much of an effect on you, but me cuddling into you, naked, with the way you’re feeling… blue balls is the last thing you’d want.”

He decided not to tell her the truth—that naked or not, she absolutely had that effect on him. The pressure in his cock made that perfectly clear.

Morning could not come soon enough.

—

When Loren awoke early the next day, her eyes, still heavy with sleep, drifted to the empty space beside her. She barely had time to wonder where William had gone before spotting him nearby, bent over with his ass in the air as he rummaged through the bag he’d brought with him.

A smile spread across her face as she watched him move. For someone who was so often the picture of effortless perfection, even now, in this very human moment, he was still gorgeous. His hair was mussed, his shorts askew just enough to expose the crack of his ass. And yet, even his imperfection felt flawless to her.

William turned toward the bed, catching Loren’s gaze just as her smile widened. Her dark eyes shone, filled with admiration for the view and optimism for what lay ahead of them.

Adjusting the pillow, she greeted him with a soft, “Good morning.”

William’s grin grew wider as he took in her tousled hair and sleepy, sexy expression. Standing at the edge of the mattress, he clasped his hands behind his back. “Morning.” After a beat, he added, “I have something for you.”

Loren’s eyes instinctively drifted downward, lingering on the natural bulge in his shorts. She bit her bottom lip, raising her eyebrows as if to say, I bet you do.

William followed her gaze, then looked back up at her as she let out a subdued giggle. Shaking his head, he smirked. “Not quite yet,” he said, though he had every intention of fulfilling her insinuation soon enough.

With a slight flourish, he brought his hands out from behind his back, revealing the crumpled jersey he’d been holding.

Loren’s eyes immediately lit up, and he could tell she was holding back an audible squeal of excitement. She shifted into a kneeling position as William slid back onto the bed, handing her the jersey.

She unfolded it carefully, catching its distinct scent—his soap, his cologne, and a trace of sweat from last night’s game. The mix was already intoxicating, hitting her senses like a powerful aphrodisiac. Turning it around in her hands, her fingers traced over the bright white “Nylander” and the bold number “88.”

William chuckled at her reaction. “It’s from last night’s game,” he said. “Swiped it before it ended up in the laundry bin.”

Loren beamed, her joy unmistakable, though her expression quickly turned mischievous. “You know,” she said, deadpan, “I could probably rake in a few grand if I sold this on eBay.”

William narrowed his eyes, letting out a laugh. “Punk.”

Before he could say more, her lips were on his, silencing him as she guided him onto his back. The jersey stayed clutched tightly in her hands, pressed between them like the treasure it was.

Her lower half was soon straddling William’s pelvis, the top part of her body hovered atop of his. Her dark brown eyes scanned his features as the full intensity of her affection for him over came her. She lowered herself down, brushed her lips across his jawline and neck and whispered “Thank you” near his ear. Her slow kisses continued over his throat,

The pressure was building with every shift of their bodies and every movement between them. William’s hands began to knead her hips but then travelled to her round ass cheeks. He pressed his ever-growing hardness against her, eliciting a soft whimper from her mouth.

William’s voice sounded rough with desire. “Can I see it on you?”

Loren smiled against his warm skin, nodding her head before pulling back. She sat straddling him, yearning for him to be inside of her. She lightly grinded against him before sliding off of him, an almost painful feat considering how desperately she wanted him. “Be right back.”

William propped himself up on his elbow, his gaze following her as she padded toward the washroom. Once inside the bathroom, the door clicked close behind her, and with flipping on the light, she efficiently brushed her teeth, flipped her hair over and back again and dabbed a bit of perfume between her breasts.

She quickly shed her sleep set and pulled the jersey over her head and shimmied as it enveloped her. Her cheeks flushed red as she looked at the back of the jersey. How in the world did this ever happen she mused while chuckling and shaking her head. She exhaled deeply, the anticipation of William anticipating incited a warmth that radiated throughout her body.

When she emerged, William caught his first glimpse of her in his jersey, and for a moment, he was completely still. A smirk teased at the corners of his lips before it faded, replaced by something deeper. He bit his lip, his turquoise eyes roaming over her with an intensity that made Loren’s cheeks flush under his obvious admiration.

As she approached the edge of the bed, Loren timidly fidgeted with the hem of the jersey, which hung just halfway down her thighs. William’s gaze never strayed, his focus entirely on her.

He extended a hand toward her. Loren placed her hand in his and climbed back onto the mattress, letting him guide her, laying on his back until she was straddling him again.

William’s eyes soaked in every detail of her, his expression a perfect mix of adoration and mischief. “It looks really, really good,” he murmured, his voice thick with affection. “Way better than Auston’s.”

Loren paused, tilting her head as if to consider. “Who?” she replied with a smirk before leaning in and pressing her lips slowly against his, letting her mouth linger as one of her hands cupped his jaw.

Their kisses deepened, each one a release of the pent-up longing they’d carried since Loren’s departure from Stockholm, their embrace tightening as though even the smallest space between them was unbearable. Loren’s voice broke through the moment, her lips still brushing against William’s. “The boys… their walk,” she reminded softly.

He pressed his mouth against hers before kissing a trail down her neck. “I took them out back. They, uh, sort of watered your grass,” he said between kisses, his tone both teasing and breathless. “I told them I needed about ten minutes, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be less than that,” he admitted coyly. “It’s been almost two months since I’ve…we’ve….y’know.”

Loren paused, her thoughts briefly catching on his words. For her, two months without sex was a cakewalk, but she hadn’t considered it from William’s side.

“It’s been two months?” she asked with an air of surprise.

William pulled back slightly, his turquoise eyes locking with hers. “I mean, yeah… between you leaving and me getting back here….not quite two months of….well - just my hand.”

Loren’s eyebrows lifted, and she grimaced slightly, her mind catching on the idea of William’s admitted celibacy. She could only assume it wasn’t typical for him—but now wasn’t the time to ask.

He smirked, catching onto her expression. “Let’s just say that little ‘test’ video we made before you left my place in Stockholm helped out… a lot.”

Loren’s cheeks flushed as vivid memories surfaced, her body reacting to the mere thought of them. But her mind drifted to the time she’d spent alone since William returned to Toronto. Her needs had remained quiet—virtually dormant—as the hurt and uncertainty of their situation took over.

On the rare occasions when a faint spark of desire arose, it faded almost as quickly. As much as she wanted to deny it, William had unlocked something in her—new levels of intimacy, new ways of craving. No one else could satisfy her now. Only him.

Loren dragged her fingernails lightly through the soft hair on his chest, loving the feel of his broad frame beneath her hands. Her legs spread a little wider as she leaned down to kiss him again, the pressure of her arousal building with every movement.

As their kisses deepened, Loren shifted her hips, raising herself off his clothed erection just enough to free her hands. She started to push the waistband of his shorts down, slow but sure, until William took over. He shimmied them off completely, tossing them to the foot of the bed without a second thought.

Reaching for the hem of the jersey, William’s fingers lightly gripped the fabric as he began to pull it up. “You look amazing in this,” he murmured, his voice low and rough. “But I’ve missed touching you.”

The jersey slipped off easily, leaving her bare. His hands smoothed over her hips and waist, rediscovering every curve as though memorizing her all over again.

Loren’s breath hitched at the dizzying sensation between her legs. She stealthily reached over to the nightstand, pumping a small amount of lube into her palm. Warming it between her hands, she slid one hand behind her, wrapping her fingers around him with deliberate slowness. Her teasing strokes drew a low groan from William, the sound alone enough to send her into a spiral of desperate need.

William’s hips rose and fell in rhythm with her touch, his breaths growing heavier. When she shifted to gingerly massage the tip, slick with his own juices, his head pressed back into the pillow. Groaning a string of expletives mixed with murmured affirmations, his grip on her hips tightened, his fingers digging into her soft skin.

Loren couldn’t wait any longer, and judging by the tension in his muscles, neither could he. She positioned herself, pressing her entrance near the base of his cock as she leaned forward, capturing his mouth in a kiss that expressed her deep desire for him. Her tongue grazed his with a light, sensual flick which nearly sent him over the edge.

She positioned his tip at her entrance and slowly slid onto him, savoring the way his girth stretched her. Her breath hitched, and she bit her lip, her body adjusting to the overwhelming sensation of fullness.

“FuckLoren…,” William groaned, the two words melting into one as his hands gripped her hips, guiding her movements. She began to slide him in and out, her rhythm slow and deliberate, her body responding to his in the most natural, primal way.

Her pace quickened slightly, her hands gripping his forearms as his fingers found her breasts, stroking and teasing her nipples. The bed creaked softly beneath them, a rhythmic echo of Loren’s intensifying thrusts. Gasps and moans filled the room, her voice trembling as she murmured his name, each sound pushing him closer to the edge.

The early morning sun filtered through her blinds, illuminating the sheen of her still-golden skin. The light accentuated every beautiful contour of her neck as her head fell back, her long mane of hair almost touching William’s thighs. The sight of her—equal parts elegant sensuality and untamed vixen—was almost too much for William. He was right; he wasn’t going to last long.

But he wasn’t done yet. He knew exactly how to bring Loren to the edge with him. As her hips moved with increasing urgency, grinding against him, his hand slipped lower, his thumb finding the perfect spot on her clit.

His strokes were precise and gentle, and the reaction was immediate. Loren jolted, her body clenching tightly around him as she clasped his wrist, a silent plea for him to keep going. Her other hand braced firmly against his thigh as she leaned back, her body moving with a more fervent, desperate rhythm.

The overwhelming sensation between her legs built rapidly, a flood of heat and pressure that stole her breath. “Don’t stop,” she gasped, her voice trembling with quiet urgency. Loren’s body began to quiver, her movements stuttering as the release overtook her. She collapsed onto William’s chest, her breaths uneven as she cried out softly, her orgasm pulsing through her.

William held her tightly, his arms wrapping protectively around her as his hips bucked fast and firm into her trembling body. The tightness of her release pushed him over the edge, his moans breaking into shorter, rougher sounds. With a deep, guttural shout, he spilled inside her, his grip on her waist tightening as they both stayed connected, riding out the bliss together.

After a few moments, Loren slid fluidly from his body and sank into the mattress beside him, her breathing soft and steady. William shifted to his side, easing her close against him, her face naturally finding its place against his chest—one of her favorite places to be.

It felt like calmer waters lay ahead for them. With a better understanding of each other, despite the SNAFUs and bad timing of their past, they were unknowingly building a foundation for something lasting. Where they differed, they balanced each other; where they were alike, it felt like perfect harmony.

William lay quietly, his hand stroking small circles on Loren’s back as he stared at the ceiling. His thoughts wandered to the next few hours, wondering if she’d stick around after practice. He laughed softly to himself, realizing how far gone he was for her. And he knew she felt the same about him.

He could manage life without Loren, he supposed, but it would never feel the same. Over the past month, during their separation, he came to terms with how she made every part of his life better. Whether it was a long drive, nap time, practice, or game time—everything was brighter, fuller, with her beside him.

Never mind one woman, a thousand ways. One woman, in every way. That’s how he wanted Loren.

[lemondemonpickuplines]

Hey girl are you Hyakugojyuuichi 2003? 'Cause Hey you, sit down and listen

Don't be flippant and don't be dismissin'

Think you're a Flash encyclopedia?

Eating, breathing Macromedia?

Think you're cool sayin' "All Your Base"?

Get that Xiao Xiao outta my face

You gotta be kidding me with that crap

Animutation's where it's at

Nine outta ten sociopaths agree

You gotta see Hyakugojyuuichi

From the Moch to the Rie to the Pee to the Wee

Just take it from me, MC NC

You won't believe your eyes, you'll go insane

I mean, what's up with that plastic plane?

You're an idiot if you disagree

You gotta see Hyakugojyuuichi

If you got the time, go grab a pen

And watch that thing again and again

Try to figure it out, what does it mean?

What's the significance of Mr. Bean?

Does anybody know? Are there any takers?

What's up with all the broken pacemakers?

The world is full of speculation

But nobody cracks this Animutation

Nine outta ten sociopaths agree

You gotta see Hyakugojyuuichi

You're an idiot if you disagree

Just take it from MC (Ah!) NC

You won't believe your eyes, you'll go insane (Aaah!)

I mean, what's up with that plastic plane? (Aaah!)

From the Moch to the Rie to the Pee to the Wee (Aaah!)

You gotta see Hyakugojyuuichi (Aaah!)

(1... 2... 3... Hit it!)

Wakeman is biased, like a household appliance

Hello Kitty and McGruff have an unholy alliance

Science is brutal and it cuts like a knife

Not even Obi-Wan can save the yodel of life

Your name is Bob, you're my heart-throb

I lost my job when I got fired

By a guy named Farchie, he was full of starch

He smelled like an orangutan's old apartment

Found a hobo in my room, what do I do?

He looks dead, he's full of lead

Bleeding red onto my bedspread

And he also seems to be missing his head

Why am I holding this gun and axe?

Do exploding pacemakers cause heart attacks?

Will Mr. Bean ever get his fill

Or will he just keep on telling me to kill?

Hey, don't you gimme that look!

You never had what it took

I took the beef and I beefed it up

You sat and whined while I took the cup

Of gold. You are getting old

When you see my face you better fold

Take this mop and shove it, boy

'Cause it's the only way you'll be employed

I am known as the Beef Bastard

(Everyone knows I'm the ultimate master)

I am known as the Beef Bastard

(Everyone else is a walking disaster)

I am known as the Beef Bastard

(Think you're fast? Well I know I'm faster!) (Ye-ye-ye-ye)

I am known as the Beef Bastard

(Everyone knows I'm the ultimate master) (Ye-ye-ye-ye)

Ma-ma-ma [*laughing*]

Ma-ma

Beef Bastard!

Weeeell I'm Shmorky! Eatin' PORKY!

Whitey rap sure sounds dorky!

Got a girl... she's a DOUBLE D!

I slap her on the butt dressed as a bumble bee!

I eat paste all damn day

I was in a Shakespeare play

I sit down on a Lazy Susan

Spin around like TOMMY CRUISIN!

Bong bong bing bing

I get payed to play with my thing!

I zip out zip in zip up BEGIN!

ROOM WITH A MOOSE! Jay Leno's CHIN!

Ambulance, Enron, Pee Wee, Pokémon

Bulbasaur, Pikachu, Jigglypuff, THEY CHOOSE YOU!

And I can't think of anymore to say

TV says doughnuts are high in fat, kazoo (キミたちとの　であいはぜんぶ)

Found a hobo in my room (ちゃんと　おぼえてる)

It's Princess Leia, the yodel of life (きずつけあった　こともあったけど)

Give me my sweater back or I'll play the guitar! (���れは（え～と）わすれた)

It's Steve's Adventure!

(Go, go, go, go)

(Go, go, go, go)

(Go, go, go, go)

(Go, go, go, go)

One-fifty-one Pokémon on the run

Suzuki-san is a formation of a bun

And a veggie burger with tsukemono

Jay-Jay has flown away with Sonny Bono

To the afterlife to visit Barney Fife

And to see Pero's screenshots of his wife

Named Chris Benoit, wearing a pretty dress

Saying "Watashi wa animutation ga suki desu."

Do the Mario! Isty-bitsy hockey

Lipsnot is not magic like a monkey

Captain Lou body-slams a rubber duckie

Just like in the match of Earth vs. Funky

Lucky Lucky nice to Mew-two

I need tea for two, how about you

Mr. Coldheart, or should I say Professor?

It looks like Lesko got revenge on my dresser

Props to Neil, he's the real deal

His friends all call him Mr. Popiel

He's the computer geek who doesn't shower for a week

His looks are hot, his clothes are CHIC!

He singlehandedly changed the face of the net

He's an online semi-celebrity you won't forget

He stormed onto the scene like a raging thunder

His seizure inducing flag says "Mr. Gahbunga."

Hey kids! Komiyona?

Omiyo mokemon halibudo

Halimatashinta, Pokinumushimi da

Watago get ready to rumble! (1... 2... 3... Hit it!)

Bamba-jidda-babla-biga

Hedimana-gina-hamana-gita

Hana-buto-halo-gini (Ye-ye-ye-ye-ma-ma)

Ala-pone-koala-bedi (Ye-ye-ye-ye-ma-ma)

Anamu-dada, ona-dote

Omanama-zenba-bolo-ho

Puyawa-dirbu-kowa-fuji (Ye-ye-ye-ye-ma-ma)

Waruma-ina-hada-bidi! (Ye-ye-ye-ye-ma-ma)

Teyo-mata, elino-wen

Hadawata-buto-bito-bed

Amatawa-jupto-hubba-pati

Fola-coola Colin Mochrie!

TV says doughnuts are high in fat, kazoo (キミたちとの　であいはぜんぶ)

Found a hobo in my room (ちゃんと　おぼえてる)

It's Princess Leia, the yodel of life (きずつけあった　こともあったけど)

Give me my sweater back or I'll play the guitar! (それは（え～と）わすれた)

There you have it, that's the game

One-fifty-one, we can all be the same

I'm sure that it's been appetizing

With all the subliminal advertising

This has been a celebration, Animutation fans across the nation

In formation raise their hands in dedication

To the crazy-flashing-psychopathic-happy-dancing-super-magic-

Power-mega-ultra-kitschy (Hyakugojyuuichi)

Nine outta ten sociopaths agree

You gotta see Hyakugojyuuichi

From the Moch to the Rie to the Pee to the Wee

Just take it from me, MC NC

You won't believe your eyes, you'll go insane

I mean, what's up with that plastic plane?

You're an idiot if you disagree

You gotta see Hyakugojyuuichi

.

[elisemeetsthesun]

Mama, I’m callin’, I’ve got some news

Victoria ‘Tori’ Benoit x Luke Hughes AU!

AU masterlist!

toribenoit_ has posted!

toribenoit_

Liked by lhughes_06, edwards.73, dylanduke25 and 1,367 more

toribenoit_: he’s all grown up 😢, have fun in the big leagues, Lukey, we all know you deserve it

Tagged: @/lhughes_06

lhughes_06: gonna miss you V

toribenoit_: 🫶

*this user has limited comments*

toribenoit_

Liked by juli._benny, lhughes_06, gracie..21 and 1,278 more

toribenoit_: life recently ☀️🪻

juli._benny: missing you, come back soon

toribenoit_: love you Julie 🫶

edwards.73: 🪩🪩

toribenoit_: you speak in code and it confuses me

edwards.73: 👎👎

gracie..21: the guy’s shoes?? Girl…

toribenoit_: no comment…?

gracie..21: calling you, you better give a comment.

dylanduke25: who was that coffee for, huh, Tori??

toribenoit_: die. miserably. die in a fire.

lhughes_06 has posted a story!

View private replies…

╰┈➤ toribenoit_: what I’m here for ig 🙄

lhughes_06: seriously though thanks again, V, you didn’t have to come

toribenoit_: would do it a hundred times over don’t forget it

╰┈➤ jackhughes: I’m not saying pussy but…

lhughes_06: and I’m not saying shut up but…

~~••

Note!: hiya!! This is part one of the Victoria Benoit au and i completely forgot to put this anywhere in the fic 😭 anyway I’m on mobile so sometimes you’ll have that ugly ~~•• divider or sometimes I’ll have a divider by @saradika-graphics depending on what’s in the writing/if it’s an insta edit or not!

Thank you for reading !!!

[chaosjedimasterk]

Movie Night!

Movie night with the bad batch!!!

Honestly I’ve been having so much fun writing these little drabbles. If you have any suggestions let me know. If the writing is a little rough feel free to leave comments - if it’s grammar oriented sorry I’m not changing I’ve always been bad at it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Summary: it’s movie night with the batch!

Pairings: hunter/reader, wrecker/reader, tech/reader, echo/reader, crosshair/reader, bad batch group/reader

Warnings: none! Mostly fluff, mentions of wine and kissing. Implications of spicy time but nothing explicitly mentioned

Reader is gender neutral

Thanks for reading!!!! 🥰

Hunter:

~ After a long day of finalizing intel for the next mission you and Hunter decide to have a low key movie night before you have to be away for the next few rotations. You ready your living room with a cozy blanket and some comfy pillows and get ready to settle in

~ Hunter is a movie theater butter popcorn kinda guy. It’s a classic and you can’t go wrong. Occasionally he likes to sprinkle chocolate candies in with the popcorn for a salty/sweet combination.

~ Hunter likes movies where he doesn’t have to think too hard, something that’s entertaining but also doesn’t involve a lot of brain power. Poor man is exhausted from having to be the sole impulse control of the batch 87.3 percent of the time. Tbh he absolutely would go for a movie like Jumanji - any of the renditions. Perfect amount of comedy, action and adventure

~ He tries real hard but he dozes off during the middle of the movie quietly snoring on your shoulder. You smirk as you gently nudge him and he gives you the old adage “I was just resting my eyes, I know exactly what’s going on”. You roll your eyes and gently kiss the top of his head as he quickly dozed back off.

Wrecker:

~ Wrecker is an action comedy kinda man. Occasionally action romance if he’s feeling extra spicy with you 🤭 Tonight in particular he’s feeling a good laugh. You and him spent the day training so he’s extra hungry. You aim for takeout as your movie snack. You’ve got the family entre and sides and you’re both devouring it!

~ The movie tonight is Bullet Train because you’ve seen good reviews and it is RIGHT up Wrecker’s alley! He is belly laughing through the whole movie and doesn’t tease you when you snuggle into his shoulder when it gets just a bit too gruesome. “Don’t worry babe! I’ll tell you when it’s safe to look again!” He says as you hide your face in his shoulder for the 5th time.

~ Wrecker likes to talk through movies so you’re often pausing so you can both get your thoughts and theories out. You don’t mind you like to hear what he has to say. The best part is talking about your theories of who’s behind the plot sometimes you’re right and then you’re wrong then right again. You’re both laughing and giggling the whole time.

~when the movie is over though you two snuggle on the couch and talk about your favorite parts, what scenes looked the coolest and who was the best actor. You stay that way well into the night until you’ve both passed out.

Tech:

~ this man COMMITS to movie night. He comes fully prepared with snacks, and sets up with a whole charcuterie board for the both of you with a paired wine. He also commits to being as comfy as possible. He pulls the gray sweatpants look because he knows you like it. It’s a treat for after the movie. You two cuddle up in the softest blanket he bought for you from a local trader

~ tonight’s movie is Glass Onion because Tech loves a mystery. He loves to see if he can figure out the mystery before the end of the movie. Like wrecker he is a chatter during the movie but mainly to himself. Muttering and mumbling his observations aloud. You find it cute. Tech also, very briefly imitates Benoit Blanc in a line that he found extra amusing. “Dear this movie is how do I say,” he pauses to find the right accent “brilliant!”

~ tech always watches a movie with rapt attention but as you cozy up to him he will gently and mindlessly rub your back or card his fingers through your hair. When the movie ends however he gently litters your face with soft kisses as you talk about your favorite parts of the movie. He loves listening to you and watching your eyes sparkle with amusement as you chatter on.

Echo:

~ Echo is a closet fantasy lover. He’s also a comfort movie watcher. So when he gets the chance he’s watching Lord of the Rings with you. And it. Is. A. Marathon. He doesn’t get a lot of days off with the batch but by gods is he making this a whole day. He helps you prep all of your favorite snacks the day before so you have them ready. When you wake up that morning the living room is set to a cozy level of 11/10.

~ Echo loves to cuddle while watching a movie, he was worried at first you might find him uncomfortable with some of his cybernetics but it really doesn’t bother you. You love to sit between his legs and lean your back up against his chest so he can rest his chin atop your head.

~ occasionally he sneaks some of the snacks designated for you even though he’s a firm believer in the tradition of his snacks. You don’t say anything of course so you can encourage him trying new foods.

~ yes, Echo of course points out the scene where Aragorn breaks his toe when he kicks the helmet so his scream is real.

~ by the end though Echo has gotten side tracked, he’s seen these movies a bunch of times and is absolutely raptured by your beauty so he takes pause breaks to be…devoted to you should you wish it 😏

Crosshair:

~ Man is a HOPELESS ROMANTIC AT HEART. You are absolutely watching a rom com or Bridgerton or SOMETHING of the sort. He loves when you get to see the soft side of him because only you get to see it.

~ He’s always rooting for the couple and if you are watching Bridgerton he likes to see you get a little hot and bothered and starts whispering sweet nothings in your ear as he plays with your hair.

~ movie night for you two is much less about the movie and more about quality time with noise in the background. If food is included it’s the sensual foods, ones that you can jokingly feed to each other.

~ the one time you did make popcorn on your first movie night you tried to see how many you could toss into each others mouths. You were cleaning up kernels for a month after

Group:

~ Omega picks the movie of course. She goes for a solid movie that all of her brothers and her might like. She chooses Kung Fu Panda because she suspects all of her brothers will find something to enjoy about it.

~ Omega and Wrecker giggle the entire time. Hunter is shushing Tech who keeps pondering about a Pandas ability to actually do kung fu - Echo relates hard to master shifu and crosshair is enjoying seeing his baby sister enjoy a movie so much that he even cracks a small smile.

~ it’s a classic family movie night complete with pizza and homemade milkshakes and popcorn and earlier that day you and Omega set up a blanket fort for all of you to snuggle into.

~ By the time you’ve made it to Kung Fu Panda 3 only you and Omega are awake, all the boys are fast asleep. Omega is curled up with her head in your lap fighting sleep because she so desperately wants to finish the movie but by the end, she too is fast asleep.

~you softly chuckle at the cuddle puddle around you and cover up omega with a blanket and you turn off the TV and allow yourself to drift off - content and happy with your boys around you.

[nautilusgays]

Live reactions to Episode 2 of AMC's Nautilus

SPOILERS SPOILER SPOILERS SPOILERS

Oh the N rising out of the water is beautiful

Humility's massive skirt is pissing me off I'm having a viceral reaction to it - Oh yes it's getting ripped up - I think the fabric just looks like I would hate the texture

Ayyy it's going up

'Captain Crazy' lmao Ned Land would approve of that title.

Oh god that like cockney/sailor accent hurts

ANOTHER TWINK!? Oh god he's a brat 'algey boy' oh god no

Lmao they are literally giving Humility Aronnax-esq dialogue - except she's apparently lying?

'ah Mon dieu' just incase we forgot Benoir was French

'you are not going back to the underwater boat. Get back to the underwater boat' marvel called it wants it's dialogue back

Look I love a competent woman but ahhh her writinggggg

YES DOGGOOOOOOOOO

Nemo speach time - oh a threat instead of motivational - he's looking good in his rolled up sleeves and waistcoat tho.

Oh dreadnaught is back - more like Twinknahght there is three of them now!

Listen to the fucking captain you shareholder dickhead he actually knows how ships work (he's giving "and a (business) partnership was the only ship that he ever had seen" - a Gilbert and Sullivan lyric)

Oh! He knew Nemo??!

Oh god that comparison Humility babe - HUMILITY NO

'that will be none of your business' I love the way she did that slay

'its hope that brings people together'

Lmaoooo Lord Pitt is Humility's fiance??? Oh twink on twink violence.

Youngblood has some positive view of Nemo yas

Mate Pitt is weird af

HUMILITY! Her foot in mouth disease is real I kind of love it

Benoit sweetie! I love him. Also hope him and Humility have a cute father daughter-esq relationship.

I love submarines so much!

Oh this is adorable!

Him and Nemo are brainy besties I love it. "He has his reasons for being the way he is." Mate just give him some 2010s emo music and he'll be fine.

I love them messing with the kid so much omg it's so cute.

'hey concentrate' mate you put me in front of that window I will focus on nothing but the moving water and fish.

Aw Benoir is such a bleeding heart!

Nemo angst projected onto whales

Pfff dramatic waistcoat removal I love him.

Wait are those sperm whales??? (I don't think so but I can't tell lol - my bro is the marine biologist not me)

Wet cat Nemo fr fr - need a fic where Pierre sees him in a wet white shirt.

Damn Nemo savage!

"That was theft" why is that so funny to me

NOOO Humility baby imma hug you her sad puppy eyes

"they're made from whale bits" "the fish that made these are dead already" savage queen Imao

How tf did a mouse get on-board??

Horizon scanning is the favourite past time on the Nautilus.

"big boat with big big guns" that's how we should describe the dreadnaught from now on

Ugh competency is sexy - also I now realise why that the open waist coat and shirt combo is so sexy it's cause Nemo got that lesbian fit

UGH 'we better use our wits then' CUTE PATERNAL REASSURACE IS ALSO SEXY HES A GOOD DAD

Archie NO

Crawley mate don't fight the shareholder

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Oh stowaway?

"then the next stage of our journey maybe a spiritual one" NEMO NOT HELPFUL SWEETIE

Benoit and Humility make me happy (it's probably the daddy issues)

"how deep were they tested?" "50 fathoms" YOUNGBLOODS EXPREASION OMG - I love the plots of shareholders not understanding how science and engineering work and the people that do having to deal with it - I hate it in real life tho: looking at you RBMK Reactors and The Challenger! - I hope Crowley gets his commupence for not listening to experts and the actual competent people get to save the day (to make up for it not happening in real life)

This is so stressful

I like having the viewing port on top of the saloon window

Oh no a Brit

[bonkwosher]

Drunk Benoit Blanc Headcanons

GIF By: my-sleepy-mind-in-the-stars

Warnings: Characters being drunk, very little suggestive content

Inspired By: @jasminesfury "Drunk Prompts"

Drunk Benoit Blanc Headcanons

Warnings: Characters being drunk, very little suggestive content

Heavily Drunk Benoit (Once in a blue moon)

Benoit Blanc is totally a loud & proud affectionate drunk. On the rare occasion, he gets really drunk at a get-together you have to stop him from sharing classified case information.

"Now the police think that it's Madelyn, but I KNOW-" "Benoit!" you shout, standing right next to him with his arm wrapped around your waist. "Did someone call my name?"

When he's not rambling to his close friends about his career he is holding you tight & letting you & everyone in the city know how great of a partner you are.

"Marta! Marta, did you meet my boyfriendddddd?" Benoit drags his words & pulls your back to his chest & chuckles. "Benoit you sound like a schoolgirl." "I have met Y/N, you introduced me to them earlier."

When you sit at the dinner table (Benoit would never allow himself to get this drunk in public, gotta protect his image) among all your friends, Benoit keeps a hand rested on your thigh. Occasionally he'll give you a big squeeze & quickly turn his head to you, wearing the most childish, smug grin.

Within twenty seconds of being left by himself he'll have a group of people surrounding him, listening to him ramble like toddlers at story time. It's not the most coherent thing but you can't say it isn't adorable.

When he notices you're watching he points at you & yells "There he is! Y/N helped me solve this case actually, come here, come tell them how amazing you are!"

Benoit returns his arm to its place around your hips & pulls you close, you quickly take whatever alcohol he got into while you were away. Humoring him, you continue his story where you were a fresh pair of eyes on his case.

As soon as you leave the party Benoit crashes & becomes super cuddly. You have to practically drag him to the bedroom & throw him on the bed. You climb in next to him & he spoons you, murmuring random praises.

Buzzed Benoit

That being the extreme, the usual is the two of you sharing a glass of wine after he successfully solves a case. Sometimes he'll be so caught up in the idea of celebrating with you that he forgets to tell you he's coming home.

Benoit knocks on your shared home's front door, managing to surprise you every time with a glass of wine from wherever his case was & a travel bag in hand. After sharing loving embraces Benoit turns on some classical music & pops open the bottle of wine, pouring you each a glass.

"Tell me everything!" makes his lips curl into a huge smile.

A couple glasses in & deep down the rabbit hole that was his case, the feeling of finally being home again sets in. His smile softens & he looks down to your hands, that rest on the table as you lean in to listen to his wonderful rambling.

"Benoit, are you okay?"

He doesn't respond, simply getting up & offering you his hand. You take it & he pulls you into a wordless waltz, the both of you just enjoying each other's presence.

As you pull away from each other, much to both of your chagrin, Benoit peacefully states, "I'm absolutely wonderful, Y/N."

[edgessunflower]

Shape of my heart

Pairing: Eddie Guerrero x GN reader

Description: When you think your life is falling apart, a kind hearted man comes in and puts it together

Warning: Mention of Intimate partner violence, abuse, and emotions

Baby please try to forgive me stay here don't put out the glow hold me now don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker you can save me from the man that I've become oh yeah looking back on the things I've done I was trying to be someone I played my part kept you in the dark now let me show you the shape of my heart

You finally had the courage to escape your abusive relationship, moving in with your friend who taught you how to defend yourself in case the circumstances called for it if you didn't have any weapon which helped you build up confidence in yourself. Everything changed when you met wrestler Eddie Guerrero in 1992, who was such a gentleman making you feel a bit more love toward yourself from his compliments to you, "Damn Mama you gotta wear this more often", "Mamacita! Looking sexy today!", "CALIENTE MIS DULCES MUY CALIENTE" always feeling your heart beat pick up and your face blush a shade of pink every time he says a compliment and thanking him when the two of you were out, seeing your ex and being pushed against the wall and slapped but eddie grabbed him and intervened, helping you file a police report and cover the cut on your face feeling safer and a bit more calmer around men thanks to eddie.

Sadness is beautiful loneliness is tragical so help me I can't win this war oh no touch me now don't bother if every second it makes me weaker you can save me from the man I've become looking back on the things I've done I was trying to be someone I played my part kept you in the dark now let me show you the shape of my heart

The two of you finally asked each other out going on your first date together after he won his 1995 showdown match against Dean Malenko, enjoying the night together and followed by an ice cream date three days later taking everything slow announcing you were officially together in February of 1996 being ring side during all of his matches meeting his friends and fellow wrestlers and helping him form LWO later on even joining him and Rey Mysterio in the ring to help them win eventually being his tag team partner when rey had other matches being affectionately called Mamas or Guerrero's sunshine by fans who adored you always asking for autographs and pictures with you when you would walk to the ring with eddie always giving hugs and flowers to people in the audience feeling the happiest you have ever been.

I'm here with my confession got nothing to hide no more I don't know where to start but to show you the shape of my heart I'm looking back on things I've done I never wanna play the same old part or keep you in the dark now let me show you the shape of my heart looking back on the things I've done I was trying to be someone I played my part kept you in the dark now let me show you the shape of my heart

After winning his vacant US semi final match against Chris Benoit, you hug him in the ring and go to sign autographs not thinking much of the extra loud cheering going back in the ring and waving until you turned around to see eddie on one knee with a ring in his hand nodding your head and jumping in his arms as you both laugh crying happily as the fans cheered hugging a lot of them as the two of you walk out of the arena backstage earning many congratulations from fellow wrestlers especially your friends and his family who took you in as their own and loved you a lot, your family was hectic and no true support so eddie's family became your own finally feeling like you belonged in the world.

Looking back on the things I've done I was trying to be someone I played my part kept you in the dark now let me show you show you the shape of my heart

You and eddie married in late March of 1997 being called Mrs Guerrero by the fans and always being called Mom by little kids who watched wrestling and who loved Eddie feeling pure happiness that you never thought you would have or even deserved but you know that you always deserved to be happy, "What's on your mind Mi querido?" you smile as eddie wraps his arms around you as you watch the sun come up "Just thinking of how lucky I am to have you" he laughs placing kisses on your shoulder, "It's the other way around Mi Vida" you shake your head sharing a breath taking kiss before grabbing and holding eddie's hands looking down at your small bump on your belly that was just starting to show, excited for the next part of your life with eddie right by your side.

[the-fandom-journal]

ok. hear me out. thoughts for future KNIVES OUT movies:

- possible actors and actresses to cast: (1) daniel radcliffe. he would have so much fun with this. let him be someone silly. a lovable idiot. maybe give him a cat on his lap to cuddle with, just him and the cat as a prop in the back-ground. or he can be an assistant to benoit blanc. just making notes and following him. (2) antonio banderas. because he rocked it in spy kids. he can play, like, the personal painter of some rich dude that got murdered and he has some cryptic messages in his art or something. would be 10/10. (3) lucy liu!! she could be like the lesbian bestie of hugh grant’s philip, or she plays like a starlet that shadows blanc’s work because she’s going to play a detective in a movie and she wants to make it authentic, you know. (4) doug jones. as a professor or scholar or MAYBE HE COULD BE THE VICTIM that dies in the start but he has statues and sculptures of himself all around so we see versions of him all throughout the movie. like life resembles art and art resembles life. 

- possible murder mystery tropes to play with: (1) amnesiac hero/villain. no help at all. looks at you and goes “maybe? could be me? would i do that? huh?”. just as surprised as you at every new revelation, like “wow, i’m a bad person” or “sucks to be me, huh”. (2) everybody did it. everybody had some part in the crime without knowing. like a chain reaction. snowball effect. like, someone left the door open. another person accidentally takes the victims phone because they look alike so when the victim tries to open it it’s not the correct code or something. just small things adding up. (3) “scooby-doo hoax” where someone disguises the crime as someone supernatural or paranormal so he won’t get caught. 

[ivyprism]

The Cursed Beings: Mantidrake (Benoit x Reader)

Warnings: Fear, adrenaline, blood, danger, scrapes, scratches, mantidrake, wolf, etc.

You shook your head while walking. Elpis had severely puzzled you, but you still felt uneasy. This place was completely wrong, you can tell. It felt weird, unsettling, and unsafe… And you clearly did not belong here. You cross your arms and gaze around discreetly. It's unsettling to look around, as the grass is wrapped weirdly around the trees. You stroke your arms when you hear a snap. You tighten and turn when you notice a big, growling beast. You felt a cold sensation; you'd never seen anything like this before. You step back. Your pupils dilate as you look at it.

"G-Good wolf…" You speak shakily before it charges at you. You panic and turn to run. You run as fast as you can, adrenaline rushing through your veins and your pulse beating in your ears. You didn't feel the scratches, the agony, or anything else; you were just concentrating on running. If you ran and heard the beast following you closely, the worst-case scenario could occur…

You trip.

You collide with the ground, scraping your arms. You gasp as you try to get up and run, but you reach a dead end. Your heart stops as you turn and hear the thing approaching. You turn and start backing up. You couldn't think or do anything; you froze. You couldn't think, your heart racing in your ears as you stared at the thing. Your breathing changes as you quickly back away from the beast. You couldn't turn away from it. You were terrified, but when you closed your eyes, you heard a roar, something strange, something draconic.

You were terrified, but you cautiously opened one eye and saw a draconic-like figure… It looked like a skeleton mantidrake. It rapidly defeated the beast that was after you. It was fierce, strong, and much bigger than Elpis. As you watch the beast fall, your blood runs cold and the mantidrake slowly turns to face you. Its red eyes are piercing, and the three scars on its eye stand out even more. You quickly begin to back up as it watches you quizzically.

You wanted to run, but your body screamed at you for doing so in the first place. The scratches and scrapes on your arms provided little solace because they were incredibly painful and stinging.

"What is a human like you doing out in the woods by yourself?" The mantidrake hissed, and you blinked. It was talking. "My brother should've had you leave this forest when you got here." The mantidrake let out a snarl. You could feel the cogs whirling in your head. You'd only spoken to one creature that could be compared to a mantidrake: Elpis.

"Are... Are you... Are you Elpis's brother...?" You said it shakily. The mantidrake halted for a second, observing you, before taking on an anthropomorphic form identical to Elpis'. You admit it: he was even more gorgeous than Elpis, but you could definitely see the resemblance.

"Yes, that's right. What brings you to our forest, human?" The mantidrake hissed quietly. His voice was unmistakably thick and gravelly. He approaches you, and you blink up at him.

"Uh… Um… M-My research team and I are studying this forest and how… uh… unnatural it is." You explain hesitantly. Before going any closer, the mantidrake glowered. He extends you his hands.

"Your hands, give them to me." The mantidrake practically commanded, but because you knew he was Elpis' brother, you weren't as terrified as you had been before. So…you did. You handed him your hands. He sat down in front of you as you saw the most beautiful thing that you'd never seen before.

He was using green magic on you. It slid around your arms and wounds with a clean and pleasant feeling of delicacy. It appeared and felt like the wind personified.

"And why did you remain here…?" The mantidrake looked up at you. His eyes were definitely a richer shade of red than his brother's.

"Uh… I- I have to do my research." You murmured this as you felt a flush come across your cheeks. He hums as you notice your wounds begin to heal slightly.

"Hm… Most humans are least have the common sense to turn and run." The mantidrake huffed, and you flushed more. You opened your mouth in protest, but he looked up at you. "I respect your drive, but you shouldn't be here. It is not safe for humans like you." The mantidrake chided gently. Despite its harshness, his voice seemed concerned and genuine about your safety.

"O…Okay…" You whisper as he pulls you up. You knew it more than ever. You needed to find your study team. It was not safe to be on your own. The mantidrake began guiding you across the woodland. He moved lightly among the trees, as if he were born to do so. He maintained a reasonable gap between the two of you, but he would occasionally pause and wait. You sensed he was waiting for you to catch up, so you increased your pace.

You become tense as you arrive at your campsite. You guessed he knew you were there with your study group; it was undoubtedly the most unnatural portion of the forest. As Dusk prepares for his own adventure, the mantidrake remains out of sight as he ventures into the forest. On impulse, you take his arm. His gaze flickers to you. They were stunning, you had to admit.

"Uh... Wait, uh... What's... What is your name?" You inquire. The mantidrake's eyes move slightly as he glances at you. He reaches over and plucks a petal from your hair. You flush when you look at him. He had a focused yet stern expression.

"Benoit. Be cautious the next time you enter this forest, human." He leans towards you, and you flush as he examines you. "I can't promise I'll be there to save you." Benoit huffs softly before backing away and retreating into the forest. You blink, feeling your cheeks burn.

Okay, it was… something. You can feel your face burning as Dusk calls you over…

Though a part of you wants to disregard safety and walk back in... Maybe a part of you wants to see the two again, or maybe you just found a place to get an adrenaline rush, who knows...

------

Part 1: The Cursed Beings: Manticore (Elpis x Reader)

Part 3: The Cursed Beings: the Negativity Dragon (Verbena x Dusk)

[imbalancedphilosophy]

So there’s a little detail about Glass Onion that I haven’t seen anyone talk about

In the movie when Benoit is giving his huge dramatic ‘Miles is actually an idiot speech’ they cut to various instances of him misusing words throughout the course of the story to show us how ‘yeah he’s fucking dumb’

There is however an even more damning piece of evidence for ‘he’s dumb and doesn’t know shit’. Its when he’s talking about the Mona Lisa early on. I distinctly remember that he claims that the reason the Mona Lisa’s expression seeming to change is thanks to Da Vinci developing a painting technique that leaves no lines when painting. I felt jolted when this claim was made because its bullshit.

You see the Mona Lisa’s expression is the product of Da Vinci developing a new technique, but its not something nonsensical like ‘not leaving lines’. To paint the Mona Lisa Da Vinci did extensive study into the field of optics and how the human eye works. He then used what he’d learned through extensive study to create the incredible optical illusion that is the Moan Lisa’s smile. Form what I know he primarily took advantage of two things. 

One was the difference between how things look in your peripheral vision and how things look when you focus on them. When you focus your sight on her face her expression will appear one way, but then as your focus shifts across the painting to take in other details her features shift from the center of your gaze to your peripheral vision, to which her expression is subtly difference. Then as you notice this change and shift your focus back to her face to try to figure out what changed you are back to perceiving her features through the center of your gaze, meaning you are back to perceiving it the way you originally were.

The other big thing was that he painted the mona lisa using an absurd number of incredibly thin and mostly translucent layers of paint. Were talking hundreds of layers of paint that were so lightly tinted light could pass through them much more thoroughly than traditional paints could allow. This use of thin layers allowed him to make his edges softer and hazier to better replicate the way we actually perceive 3 dimensional objects. This also means that he was effectively painting a very flat sculpture in existence. As a result much like how a sculpture viewed from the left looks different the same sculpture from the right, the mona lisa viewed from one angle will appear different from another, but since its a thick painting instead of a actual 3d object the effect is greatly diminished and damn near unnoticeable.

Anyway all this is to say that Miles was such a fucking idiot that even for something so apparently important to him as the marvel that is the Mona Lisa he still failed to truly understand it.

Also there’s something deeply poetic to me about him failing to understand that the Mona Lisa is the result of hundreds of near translucent layers, much like there a glass onion is made of many translucent layers but still allows you to see through to the heart of it. I’m sure there is all kinds of fun metaphor and symbolism to be extrapolated from that but I am tired and my brain is being non-cooperative so ill leave that for all of you to ponder and pick apart as I go pass out

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi! It’s the catholic school maybe ace anon again. I just have one more question.

I want to be open and okay with sexuality and that kind of thing, but from a very young age I’ve been taught it was Not Okay.

Is there anything you can recommend to me (books, blogs, channels, etc.) that might help me.. understand more, ig? I try really hard to keep an open mind, but I don’t actually learn enough to be at a point where I’m chill with it (I try to be, I really do).

hi catholic anon (cathnon, if you will),

I did drop a couple of recommendations in my answer to your last query (shoutout to Lindsey Doe's Sexplanations and Heather Corinna's Scarleteen again, I really can't say enough good things about them!) but let's talk about some more cool resources!

Dr. Nadine Thornhill is an educator doing THE COOLEST work, definitely check her out!

if you want to read about asexuality and aromantic experiences, check out Yasmin Benoit's writing on her website! she's one of the most outspoken aroace figures in the business.

while I have my gripes with Teen Vogue, they write a lot of very accessible articles about sexual topics ranging from abortion info to disability-friendly sex to tips on buying vibrators. give it a look!

Planned Parenthood's website is chock full of useful info that I frequently use as a reference in my work, with a section specifically geared towards teenagers.

for asexual-specific writing you gotta check out Angela Chen's book Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. it's a fantastic piece of writing, and makes me so hopeful for the future of ace and aro scholarship written from within the community.

Sexuality: A Graphic Guide is also a gentle illustrated into to a lot of big ideas about sexuality and orientation, by Meg-John Barker and Jules Scheele. you may also be interested in another of Barker's books, How to Understand Your Sexuality, written with Alex Iantaffi.

another book I'm very fond of is Jaclyn Friedman's Unscrewed, which looks at ways in which sex can be exploited by patriarchy and capitalism and contrasts that bleak outlook with people doing real, tangible good to advance sexual freedom, queer rights, and reproductive health.

also hey listen I'm going to say one that's a little goofy but a lot of fun: there's a show on Netflix (or elsewhere, if you know how to pirate) called How to Build a Sex Room that's short (only sex episodes, I think?) and nothing but fun, following designer Melanie Rose building her clients' ideal rooms to have sex in. clients range from eager to overshare to adorably awkward, and Rose is always there to encourage them to think about what they really want and how to express that desire. it's very cute and a great way to get cozy around casual convos about sex!

[mcrcki]

winter market!! heck yeah !! i love a silly little mini event to carry us through the holiday season , so i'm gonna turn this into a plotting and starter call. it'll probably be a little smaller than usual but i want to make sure i have time to just get a first wave of starters out for y'all !! if you see any plots you like, please hit the heart and i'll dm you on discord!! if you want a starter please REPLY AND SPECIFY. if you don't specify, i will not do the starter, please don’t request more than 3 starters per writer. also if they are unplotted requests, you'll get a dm from me to just plot a little !! ♥

alani tiure | star wars | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; tbh alani will probably not be there for the majority of this market. they don't like crowds, they don't get this whole thing so if you find them there it's a rarity

charlie morningstar | hazbin hotel | 1 / 3

she/her pronouns ; to literally no ones surprise, charlie is absolutely loving this. she signed herself up day one to be an elf and is out there for hours in her elf costume helping people. she didn't realize how much fun this was going to be here.

kaz brekker

daniela dimitrsecu | resident evil | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; will probably only be there if their girlfriend is going and gonna be watching their back. they may sneak off to grab some dinner but otherwise daniela is not the kind to just be out in the winter weather for fun!!!

danika fendyr | crescent city | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; danika is there working security for some ot pay, but will also be taking some of their breaks to take pictures with hot santa and have a little fun. they don't have family in the city, so the holidays were going to be pretty boring if she didn't work this.

elain archeron | a court of thorns and roses | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; elain is working at a toy donation booth and doing whatever she can to give back. she knows what it's like to go without so she wants to be there giving back in whatever way she can.

juliette benoit | the vampire diaries | 1 / 3

she/her pronouns ; classic mom at christmas time. she's got a toddler that she's trying to make this whole season special for, so if you see her running around after a 3 year old trying to get him to sit nice for santa and also attempting ice skating, please be kind

jesper fahey

kaya dura | star wars | 0 / 3

they/she pronouns ; this is a child trapped in an adult's body, they are running around hopped up on sugar, trying to go ice skating, doing every activity there is, just doing whatever they can. they have really come to love this time of year and isn't going to let some personal shit get in the way of that

leia organa | star wars | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; leia's gonna be making some press appearances, doing whatever she needs to continue to be a public figure, probably a speech or two but really she's only there for work and to keep a low profile. there's too much going on for her to just stick around for long

marley bishop | the vampire diaries | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; considering the current climate of their family, the holidays are not something marley is exactly looking forward to. she's gonna be working at the ice bar, making some extra money and enjoying the distractions more than anything.

omega archeron | star wars | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; a last minute gift shopper, doing everything they can to get presents for their giant ass family and also avoid all of them during that process. will definitely be trying to get some pictures with hot santa and maybe taking their brother ice skating but really just trying to be a little wholesome for once.

rosemary winters | resident evil | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; is trying to have some christmas spirit while being in the middle of just the biggest family drama. they also are definitely trying to get their gf not gf to have a mistletoe kiss

sella palpatine | star wars | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; sella just loves christmas and learned to skate from the market in past years and is now taken up a job to teach kids how to skate in between enjoying the market with her family and girlfriend. (subject to change depending on The Horrors™)

sophie hatter | howl’s moving castle | 1 / 3

she/they pronouns ; running her usual stand and will not be abandoning it !!! no matter what people say !!!! they will be around trying to spend some time with their son but for the most part just running her shop and having fun enjoying helping other people’s holidays

inej ghafa

sulpicia volturi | twilight | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; she just quite literally will not be there im so sorry, she has spent so long in a tower and is scared of crowds so she’s not gonna be around

tatum riley | scream | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; unaware and kinda just vibing, she wants to go ice skating but sucks at it, will probably dick around with the snowball fight but also getting drunk with her roommate so come do ice shots with her

vesta starkos | star wars | 0 / 3

she/they pronouns ; literally just here to do crime and pickpocket, maybe steal from booths. but probably also rigging the snowball fight so that she can win after placing her own bets against it

victoria sutherland | twilight | 1 / 3

she/her pronouns ; is really only here to grab a bite at night, trying to avoid her ex situationship while fixing her current relationship but will definitely just be grabbing strays off the edge of the crowd

mu qing

violet sorrengail | fourth wing | 0 / 3

she/her pronouns ; you gotta drag her out of the house by her hair rn so she's not going to be around at the market. she will probably be there passing through to and from work but otherwise being an absolute recluse lately

[phoenixwatchesmovies]

What I'm Watching: November 2024

...well, this calls for some comfort watches.

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)

After a bitter divorce, an actor disguises himself as a female housekeeper to spend time with his children held in custody by his former wife.

Have I ever mentioned Robin Williams might as well have been my babysitter growing up? I might have thrown this on for comfort, but that doesn't mean I didn't cry, and not just because of nostalgia or that I'll go to my grave mourning this man.

The Addams Family (1964-1966)

The misadventures of a blissfully macabre but extremely loving family.

#GothTrash #FluffFiend (though that last one might come as a surprise). It's cozy. What else should I say?

Three's Company (1976-1984)

The misadventures of two women and one man living in one apartment and their neighbors.

The theme song has been an ear worm all month.

Interview With The Vampire (2022- )

Based on Anne Rice's iconic novel, follow Louis de Pointe du Lac's epic story of love, blood and the perils of immortality, as told to the journalist Daniel Molloy.

....k, so I know I said "comfort," but give me a break. I've been meaning to get around to this forever, and it's every bit as amazing as everyone says it is.

Knives Out (2019)

When renowned crime novelist Harlan Thrombey is found dead at his estate just after his 85th birthday, the inquisitive and debonair Detective Benoit Blanc is mysteriously enlisted to investigate.

I think the comedy was a bit more on point in Glass Onion, but I don't have Netflix anymore and it's not like I'm settling for this one. And you can't get any cozier than a murder mystery detective series.

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See you back here next month?