#give ireland the appreciation she deserves

[we-are-all-of-legend-now]

Fictober Day 7: Do You Recognize This? PT 2

Prompt number: Prompt #7

Fandom: American Dragon Jake Long

Pairings/Characters: Jake/Rose; Haley; Jonathan

Rating: T

Warnings: memory loss; abandonment; pregnancy mentions; swearing; of-age drinking

You can read under the cut or click here to read it on fanfiction

SIX MONTHS LATER

                Jake stretched, letting the warm sun wash over him. It wasn’t quite warm enough to be jogging at the beach but here he was because, well, why not? He was still in recovery mode, although only technically, and Jonathan wasn’t expecting him to try to get a job for another month. Although, Jake was thinking about maybe going back to school instead. He wasn’t quite sure what he’d been doing with his life pre-brain injury. It was one of those things that had gotten hidden behind what he’d taken to calling the ‘She-Shield’. Rose’s name didn’t hurt him; Rose’s name didn’t make him feel anything. Their eight-year wedding anniversary had apparently been last week and Jake hadn’t cared enough to so much as send her a note because Rose didn’t mean anything. Rose’s name just meant something to other people and, so, Jake refrained from mentioning it.

                Some people were so sensitive about the fact that someone who couldn’t remember their wife due to a TBI would just up and leave her, even knowing she was pregnant with their unborn child.

                People like Trixie, who Jake didn’t speak with anymore. He was even speaking with Spud less, though Spud was at least trying to understand. Jake knew that people couldn’t understand but he understood. And, in time, he really believed that Rose was going to understand it too. If he couldn’t love her anymore then she deserved to find someone who would. They couldn’t just keep promises to each other they had made years ago because they were both different people now. Him, especially.

                Jake watched the women jogging by him on the beach, feeling satisfied when they checked him out in return. Jake hadn’t felt a real interest in a relationship since getting out of the hospital and moving back in with his father. But, who in his life circumstances would? That didn’t mean that he didn’t appreciate a beautiful woman when he saw one.

                Jake slowed his jogging as a text came in and he pulled out his phone.

                Dad: Jake, remember Haley lands at 3PM. Be home in time for family dinner, please.

                Jake: You’ve reminded me a million times. I’ll be home. I’m excited to see her.

                And, Jake was excited to see his little sister. She’d been off on a work placement in Ireland and hadn’t really had the chance to return home during his recovery. There had been a few, strained chats on the phone and a couple of texts between the two of them. Jake could tell that her loyalty fell with Team Rose and Jake could live with that; he was just convinced that when he saw Haley again in person, he could get her to see things from his side.

                Jake made it home for 3PM, giving him plenty of time to shower, look presentable, and have already unpacked the takeout on the set dining room table in time for Dad and Haley to make it back from the airport. As the smell of takeout Chinese food permeated the air, Jake felt sad all over. Even though Jonathan had sprung for quality food, his mother would be rolling over in her grave at the thought of her family not making their own dumplings.

                “Jake!”

                Haley jumped into his arms.

                “Hey, Haley.”

                “How are you feeling?” she asked, squinting at him.

                “I feel great!” Jake said. He tapped the side of his temple. “Got most of it back.”

                Jake would have been an idiot to miss the roll of Haley’s eyes.

                “We’ve got dinner on the table,” Jonathan said hurriedly, as if he sensed the tension between his children. Jake knew that Jonathan saw Rose periodically. There had been an ultrasound of Rose’s child on the fridge, for a time, until Jake had asked Jonathan to keep it in his room. Jake didn’t contest that he was the father of his wife’s child and he wasn’t going to say anything about Jonathan seeing said child. Jake just knew that the man who had fathered that child was a man that he was never going to be again. He was just trying to protect them all.

                “Thanks, Dad.”

                They were old enough now that Jonathan put wine on the table. Only Haley indulged in a glass; Jake knew that his brain was still too sensitive for drinking. And he never wanted to go through the disorientation of not knowing his life ever again. That time in the hospital had been more than enough for a lifetime. The conversation flowed freely over food, mostly centering around Haley’s work placement, which was fine by Jake. It was after the meal was through and Haley poured herself another large glass of wine that things started to get bad for Jake. She leant back in her chair, staring him down, and took another large sip.

                “So, how’s Rose?”

                “I’m not doing this.”

                “You are definitely doing this,” Haley argued.

                “I’ve done this.”

                “Not with me!” Haley snapped.

                “Kids, come on. It’s the first time we’ve been all together in how many months?” Jonathan said.

                “We’re not all together,” Haley said coldly, swirling the wine in her glass. “My sister isn’t here. You know, Jake’s wife.”

                “Fuck you, Haley.”

                Jake stormed out of the room and out the front door of the house, feeling like a teenager again as he slammed the door behind him.

                Jake didn’t know where he was going but he shouldn’t have been surprised when Haley caught up to him a cut-through alley, grabbing his shirt sleeve and pinning him down against the wall.

                “I don’t get you!” she said, shoving him again. “I don’t understand!”

                “My brain is broken,” Jake said, pounding his palm for emphasis. “I don’t know her. She is no one to me! And it hurts and the people I love love her too. It sucks but I am not someone that she needs in her life. I could see how much my existence hurt her when I was there because she was expecting something from me. Everyone was expecting something from us because we’re ‘Jake and Rose’ like that means something. But it doesn’t mean anything to me! Do you hear me? IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING!”

                Haley scoffed. “Where’s your honour, Jake? Your loyalty? Okay, even if you don’t remember her, why walk out on night one of being home? What did Gramps teach you all those years?”

                Jake rolled his eyes. “How to toy with electronics. I dunno. He was just Gramps.”

                Haley froze for a second and then she just laughed. “Okay, so you’ve gained a sense of humor so we can thank the brain injury for something. Come on, you’re the fucking American Dragon. You think honour and loyalty and love are just, what, components of the job?”

                “What are you talking about?” Jake’s brain whirred, catching on the She-Shield. American Dragon? Was Haley that drunk after two glasses of wine?

                “You’re the American Dragon.” Haley’s brown eyes were huge, reminding Jake of their mother’s eyes and the way she would look at him when he did something stupid. “Or did you walk away from that too?”

                “A dragon? Are you high?”

                “What?”

                “What?”

                Jake and Haley stared at one another until she reached out, hesitantly, and grasped Jake by the shoulders, shaking him slightly.

                “Jake, you know that we’re dragons, right?”

                Jake put his hands on her own shoulders in return, stooping so they were eye to eye. “Haley, you’re high. We’re humans.”

                “Holy shit! Is that why you can’t remember? All of your early memories of Rose are about the dragons. Oh my God.” Haley paced the alleyway. “I mean, you met as humans, right? But so much of your relationship was about the dragon and the Huntsclan.”

                Jake leant against the wall behind him, crossing his arms over his chest, and watching her, bemused. Haley was crazier than he remembered. Maybe he would get to tell Jonathan about this and he wouldn’t be the weird sibling anymore because of the TBI.

                “Haley, whatever game you’re playing isn’t funny anymore, okay?”

                Haley stopped in front of the alleyway and, then, before his very eyes, transformed into a purple dragon.

                Jake was suddenly glad that he hadn’t had a drink in months; he would have fallen over immediately if he had. As it was, he still reached out, touching Haley’s scales, to make sure that he hadn’t suddenly started hallucinating.

                “You are Jake Long, American Dragon,” she said. “You’re a world dragon. Now, transform.”

                As soon as Haley said it, it unlocked an instinct that Jake didn’t know that he had. The battle cry of ‘DRAGON UP’ echoed through his head. Memories that he didn’t know he had of Gramps flashed through his mind. His grandfather, as a large blue dragon, teaching him on the roof of Gramps’ old shop, taking him to the Isle of Draco, fighting with him because Jake needed to grow up.

                Haley looked at his dragon form and nodded. “Follow me.”

                Jake didn’t know how he knew how to move his wings but he did. He took the skies with Haley, following her until she dipped down, taking him to the roof of a building. She transformed back into a human but Jake was still so incredulous of the fact that he was a dragon to let that slip away from him quite yet. He walked the area of the rooftop, which was bare and boring, and then turned to Haley.

                “You are Jake and Rose,” she said, “but before you were Jake and Rose, you were the American Dragon and the Huntsgirl. I think your brain is protecting you because on this rooftop, you thought you lost her forever. She completely forgot you, like you never existed. You had to put her through hell to get her back and I think you’re stopping yourself from putting her in that position. But, Jake, times are different. There’s no Huntsclan now. She’s just your wife and she loves you. You’re putting her through hell by forgetting her.”

                Jake walked the roof again.

                American Dragon. Huntsgirl. Huntsclan.

                It was tugging at the edges of the She-Shield and it was the first tug that Jake had felt since he had woken up in that hospital room, not recognizing the blonde woman hovering over him. Jake glanced up at the sky and then he pictured Rose as he had never seen her – fifteen, garbed in dark robes, floating into the sky away from him. Jake grabbed after the phantom, feeling his heart seize at the thought of losing her.

                That motion broke the She-Shield.

                Everything that he had thought he would never feel about Rose hit him with such strength that Jake turned back into a human and fell to his knees, feeling the tears on his cheeks.

                “Jake?”

                He knew that Haley was right there but it sounded like she was calling out to him from the far side of a very long tunnel.

                “What have I done?” Jake cried, putting his head in his hands. “How could I have forgotten her? Haley, she’s the love of my life.”

                Haley knelt in down with him, pulling his hands from his face. “How much do you remember?”

                “All of it.” Even if it turned out to not be a hundred percent true, Jake was confident that he knew more than enough. Enough to hate himself. Enough to know that she hated him now. “And I can’t take these six months back! I made sure to make her hate me because I am not the person that she deserves! I really thought that I couldn’t love her and that she was better off without me! And I think it’s turning out to not be true! Well, no, I don’t deserve her and I didn’t, like want her to hate me, I just wanted her to understand that we couldn’t be anymore, except we have to be. She’s my Rose.”

                “Jake, I know she loves you. She and I haven’t spoken in a long time because I think she thought I would be on your side automatically but you’ve made sure I’ve known Rose more than half my life. Rose is in love with you. Rose understands you, even when you don’t understand yourself.” Haley smiled warmly. “She’s going to be so relieved that you understand now.”

                “She’s not going to understand,” Jake said, feeling like he was going to throw up. He was pretty sure that his stomach was in his knees.

                “She will,” Haley promised.

                Jake shook his head. “Haley, you don’t understand. Rose is almost eight months pregnant. And I knew she was pregnant when I left her. How the hell do I ever make that up to her?”

                Haley faltered. “I … I don’t know, Jake.”

                Jake bowed his head. He could see it all in his mind. The pregnancy tests they had taken that were negative, lying in bed and bantering baby names, the ‘practicing’ of baby-making. He could feel the weight of Rose in his arms. How had he left her? Why did he make her do this all alone? He felt like his heart was going to stop.

                “But,” Haley said with such conviction that Jake picked his head up to look her in the eye, “I know you have to try.”

                Jake nodded.

                He knew that too.

(-.-)

                Rose’s ankles were swollen and she had a pounding headache and she couldn’t have caffeine and the thought of tiny kittens made her cry to the point where she thought she and Baby were going to have to adopt one and, oh no, did she forget to go to the bank? Baby was eating her brain. Rose wasn’t even sure that she was safe to drive with the way that Baby caused all of her thoughts to go out of the damn window but she had to drive because she was all alone, going home to that big stupid house with its six bedrooms because she needed an at home office and she and Jake wanted so many kids but there was no Jake. There was just her and Baby and Rose should probably move except she couldn’t let the dream go.

                Rose pulled into her driveway, nearly hitting the gas and running through the living room window when she realized that Jake was sitting on the front doorstep. It had been over six months since she’d seen him and he’d just abandoned her. She’d been sobbing in a chair, unable to speak, when he had told her that he didn’t give a flying fuck about her or their child or empathy and had dropped his wedding ring on the coffee table. Rose thought about putting the car in reverse and driving off, only coming back when he was off their property, but she couldn’t do that. Her whole heart still belonged to Jake.         

                Rose turned the key and shut the car off. She stared at Jake through the windshield and he stared back at her. That was new. Six months ago, he hadn’t been able to look her in the eye.

                Rose rested her hand on her stomach and she spoke to Baby, like she always did, on all the nights that she was alone in this big house that was meant for a family she didn’t have anymore. “Don’t feel bad that I thought he was my whole heart. It’s like I grew a second new heart, all for you, and it only belongs to you. That’s your father and I hope one day you know him, I really do, but if it’s always just you and me, be glad that you got my second heart. No one’s hurt it yet.”

                Despite her better judgement, she got out of the car. Jake stood as she approached the front door and Rose pasted a genial smile on her face. She wanted to hate Jake so badly that it hurt and she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She had spent so much time practicing hate in front of Trixie, though, that she felt like she could pull off at least a detached polite to the real thing.

                “You should have told me you were coming to pick up some more stuff,” Rose said, “I would have put it on the porch like before.”

                Jake was staring at her baby belly. “Uh, I was hoping I could come in for a minute, actually.”

                Rose tilted her chin. “Sure, I guess, this time. But, if you’re going to do this again, I really do want a call first. You abandoned this place so you don’t get to demand to come in.”

                “I get it.”

                Rose knew he was sad by the slumping of his shoulders and the way he wouldn’t look up from his feet but she hardened her heart against it. He had long since decided to not even try to love her after all. Them, Rose corrected herself, one hand steadying her stomach as she let them into the house.

                The house wasn’t as changed as she would like to think that it was. Rose had hated the thought of taking down any picture of Jake and so they just hung there, a testament to ghosts.

                “Would you like some water?” Rose offered. She was no longer a wife but she could be a polite host.

                “Yes, thank you.”

                Jake followed her to the kitchen. Rose poured water glasses. They stood at the counter and sipped, even though Rose’s hips were screaming at her to sit down.

                “Can I ask why you stopped by?” Rose said when the silence finally got too loud.

                “How are you?” Jake asked. “You and uh?”

                “I call it ‘Baby’,” Rose said coldly. “And, we’re fine. Well, healthy. Well, Baby is fine and healthy. I guess I’m just fine.”

                Rose knew her dark circles went all the way down to her cheeks now and she had none of that pregnancy glow that all first time moms seemed to have. She cried herself to sleep every night still, wishing for Jake next to her. But, she wasn’t going to admit any of that to him. He had forfeited his right to even try to care half a year ago.

                “How are you?” Rose asked, trying to be polite.

                “Haley came home today.”

                “And she convinced you to see me? Thanks but no thanks. If you would just tell me what you want from the house and we’ll keep going on how we go on.” Rose rolled her eyes and started to walk away from him. “We’re not playing polite, okay? Not now, not ever. This was how you want it, remember?”

                “I remember you first kissed me in the Huntsclan.”

                Rose stopped mid-step. Slowly, she lowered her leg to the floor but she didn’t trust herself to turn around. This man didn’t want to remember her. This man was not her Jake.

                “Do you remember prom? We convinced our parents that you were getting a hotel room with Trixie and I was getting one with Spud but instead we got one together?”

                Rose wanted it to be her Jake. She wanted it to be her Jake so badly. Rose braced herself against the wall.

                “We always wanted to get married and I always knew that. I always knew that was where we were going to end up but the first time that I ever made a plan, we were still in college.” Jake’s voice was getting closer as he spoke. Rose couldn’t turn around; Rose couldn’t run away. She stayed still, not believing what she was hearing. “You won a Go-Kart race and downed a trophy’s worth of beer. That same year, I started saving up for a ring and a trip to Greece. I knew it was number one on your list of places to visit and I wanted it to be extra special for you.”

                Rose heaved for breath. Jake was right behind her now. She could feel the body heat. She wanted to turn, hold him, and have it be all right.

                “What else do you remember?” Because she remembered screaming all alone, wondering if grief could kill her and Baby.

                “I remember homecoming. I remember Huntsgirl. I remember when we went to Peru and every llama went met spit at me. I remember standing at the end of an aisle, knowing how stunning you would look, and still having my breath taken away by you. I remember how you snore –”

                “I do not snore.”

                “- just a little snore in your sleep.”

                Rose hesitantly turned around, staring into Jake’s eyes.

                “I remember every dream we built and I know how I tore all of that away from you because I didn’t understand. I knew you were my wife and I didn’t act like a husband. I didn’t even try. You deserved more than that. Then, I should have been a father. I should have been … at least more myself. I’m never going to lie to you, because you deserve more than that. I truly didn’t know a thing about you and, because of that, I truly didn’t feel a thing for it. But, talking to Haley, all of those truths came out and the truths were keeping the feelings at bay because I feel for you, more than I’ll ever feel in my entire life. I do know that a brain injury is just a reason and I hid behind it like it was an excuse.” Jake’s eyes burrowed into her own and Rose knew him well enough to see the genuine feeling behind his eyes. He was leaning into her and Rose wanted nothing more to pull him into her embrace. “I’m sorry. I’ll spend the rest of my life telling you I’m sorry. I’ll do anything you want for the rest of my life because you are my Rose and I’m your Jake and that’s the way things are supposed to be. That was the one thing that was never supposed to be lost along the way.”

                Rose grabbed Jake’s hand and put it against her stomach. Baby was doing summersaults for her, probably because of her, and all of the truth she needed was in the way that Jake teared up, feeling that little foot beating against her skin.

                Jake dropped to his knees in front of her. “I’m sorry to you too, Baby. I’m sorry I missed all your ultrasounds and being the first one to feel you kick. I’m sorry you didn’t know you had a daddy but I’m here now, forever, okay, as long as your Mama wants me.”

                Jake peered up at Rose.

                “Baby’s a he,” she said finally. “And, I’m sorry, but he’s already being called Ash because that was your favourite name and I wanted him to have some part of you because I didn’t think you’d ever come back.”

                Jake rose to his feet. “I love that and, Rose?”

                “What?” Rose didn’t want to sound so flat but all these months of practice didn’t give her enough feeling left.

                “Don’t ever doubt I’m coming back you. I fucked up this time and I know it but we always come back. We always need to have that conviction.”

                “We do?” Rose wanted to lash out at that hope bubble because it had only led her astray. It led to her and Baby and a living room that she couldn’t walk into.

                “We do.”

                Rose ran her finger along Jake’s empty ring finger, loving and hating the thrill that went through her at touching him again.

                “Tell me you still have it.” Jake gathered up her left hand in his, kissing each finger and then her engagement ring and then her wedding ring. “I’m your husband. I’m this baby’s father. I know I hurt you but, please, give me this chance.”

                Rose waved Jake to follow her. She led him into the living room and sank into the couch, pointing at the coffee table. She felt sick at being in here again. She had walked through it, ghosted around it, never looking at the ring that he had left behind. Jake’s wedding ring was sitting exactly where she’d left it because, if she moved it, it meant he really wasn’t coming back. Jake picked it up.

                “Can I put it back on?”

                “Where’d we get married?” Rose asked.

                “Italy. A vineyard. We toured China, Korea, and Japan for our honeymoon.”

                “What did you hate about the first place we lived?”

                “The shower walls were painted red. It looked like a blood bath. If you’re going to ask me if I recognize this or if I recognize that, the answer is yes. I know this place. I know you. I know us together. I know everything I forgot that hurt you the first time.”

                Rose twisted her wedding ring around her finger. There was a reason she had never taken it off but there was a reason she was hesitant now. “Why do you love me?”

                Jake sat next to her on the couch. “The easy answer is because you are who you are and that we didn’t fight destiny and my grandfather and the Huntsclan for so long to end up breaking up.”

                “That’s the easy answer?”

                “Well, the hard answer is the one I don’t know how to put into words. Maybe it’s the way I can tell you anything or the way that seeing you feels like home or the way I still love you even though you steal all the covers and thank goodness I’m a dragon because I wouldn’t be able to keep warm otherwise. The hard part is the stuff I can’t put into words. Which, hey, is this a test? Because my wedding vows were ‘for every easy thing about you, there is a hard thing, and that is the reason I love you. You challenge me in a way that no one else does and you keep me safe in a way no one ever has. I know my heart is yours as much as I know your heart is mine and I will keep that confidence through the rest of our lives’.”

                Rose took the wedding ring out of Jake’s hand. It shouldn’t have been comforting that there was a flash of fear in his expression but she was relieved that he thought she was something worth losing. She picked up Jake’s left hand and slid the ring back into position.

                “Just know,” Rose said, holding his hand to her chest, “if you ever forget me again, if you ever take this ring off again, I reserve the right to kill you.”

                “I’d deserve it.”

                Rose felt like she cried about everything these days but the tears slipped down her cheeks.

                “Fuck you, Jake, I missed you.”

                Jake pulled her into his lap, one arm cradling around her back, the other one holding onto Baby.

                “I know. I’ll never be sorry enough. I’ll wait on you and Baby, hand and foot, everything you could ever want, just to make it up to you. I wish you had gotten to tell me you were pregnant in the way that you wanted to and that I could have been here this whole time. You’re my Rose. You didn’t deserve to be alone.”

                Rose fully broke down against Jake’s chest because he was finally here. Her husband, her child’s father, being the person that he had always wanted to be and, deep down, the person that Rose had never doubted he would be.

                “I love you,” Jake whispered.

                In her desperate bouts of anger, Rose thought that she would never be able to say those words to his face again. Now, though, when she tipped her head back and looked at the expression of someone she loved, who loved her, who was everything that she thought he would be, a smile touched her lips. It was the first real smile, outside of her son, that Rose had in a very long time.

                “I love you too. More than you know.”

                “Oh, I know,” Jake assured her. “Can I kiss you?”

                Rose wanted nothing more and so she leant up first, pressing her lips to his.

[sparkleapple]

Eurovision 2023 Review

Albania - Albania's back to what they usually do, but I'm not mad at this. Considering we are lacking ethnic songs this year, we need something I like and I'm digging the electric guitar.

Armenia - After a few listens, I really like this song. Her voice reminds of Zoey Deschanel in the beginning though.

Australia - It's just there

Austria - I want to like this song, but acapella does not appeal to me whatsoever

Azerbaijan - It's to nice see that it's a locally written and produced song and not some manufactured song by Swedes, but it's not a very memorable song. I hope that doesn't discourage more actual Azerbaijani songs in the future.

Belgium - What tf were they smoking when they chose this?! It sounds like something that would play in the background when I used to work at Express.

Croatia - Hot mess

Cyprus - He has a great voice, but it sounds too much like an Imagine Dragons song... Not the first time in recent year they sent a song that sounds like another...

Czech Republic - Fun fact: This is the only country whose NF I keep up with for whatever reason and for the first time, they chose the song that was my top choice! I love it and I actually like the rap part.

Denmark - Sure it's basic, but it's grown on me. It's catchy and I think it's cool that he's from the Faroe Islands

Estonia - One of the better ballads this year and she has a nice voice.

Finland - Ooh this one's an earworm and he's one hell of a performer. I'm also a sucker for some techno and something outside the box.

France - Why did they select someone that's not French? Anyway I think it's. nice, but it's missing something to feel like a complete song.

Georgia - They didn't play around this time. They have a former ESC Junior singer and she delivered even if the song song isn't about anything.

Germany - The actual authentic German song we needed that won't end up in the bottom 5. The song title, "Blood and Glitter” feels gimmicky and made for ESC though.

Greece - After years of a tacofest, we got a male singer for once! The song is a let down though. It's pretty basic and I don't like cursive singing.

Iceland - She's got a great voice, but this is giving Christian pop

Ireland - It's just there as always

Israel - Really try hard and feels like a 4 different songs. I like the beginning of the song, but it gets annoying towards the end.

Italy - It's pretty and classy, but it pretty much sounds like your typical Italian ballad. Marco is cute though.

Latvia - Not much to say here, but I appreciate it for what it is and I've realized Latvia usually sends some degree of electronic songs.

Lithuania - It's just there

Malta - Another nation that is lo longer a tacofest. The song is not very competitive, but I like it. it's a fun with a nice saxophone.

Moldova - I usually don't care for their songs, but I love this! I'm a sucker for a great ethnic sound and Moldova accomplish this and takes me to a mysterious and enchanted forest.

The Netherlands - Basic and it sounds too much like a Zedd song.

Norway - I like a good techno beat, but y'all are overhyping this song. It isn't that special and I do not like her voice.

Poland - Oh my christ on a bike, this song does not deserve to be here and Blanka seems like a very unlikable person, yet I'm here liking the song. It's the type of music I would bop too, even if it's trash...

Portugal - I was expecting a nice ballad, but I'm not complaining about this upbeat song. It's been a while Portugal sent something fun.

Romania - Sooo underrated. If you overlook that mess of a national performance, it's a really song and he has a great voice.

San Marino - I keep forgetting about it

Serbia - I've realized it's been a while they sent a male performer, but I can imagine him killing it on stage and the industrial sound will stand out. I love the parts where he throws in some Serbian.

Slovenia - A pleasant surprise. It's one of my favorites! I hope they give Slovenia their highest result yet!

Spain - A pleasant surprise. It feels like I'm at a cultural theatre. I wouldn't be mad if this was in the top 3 (unlike the trash last year).

Sweden - Sure the song is good with a great performance and Loreen is singing her heart out, but I really do not need her here and I certaintainly do not want her to win again.

Switzerland - Another slow song? It's one of the better ballads this year and the piano is so pretty.

Ukraine - So underrated by fans. I love this song.

UK - It's a cute bop. I like it.

Overall, another bland year in a row. i couldn't even write interesting comments, but here we are.

[bettyg196]

My thoughts on Eurovision 2023 entries

On this post (which will be updated for 37 days), I will give my ranking, my ratings and my comments on the songs of Eurovision 2023.

Ukraine: TVORCHI - Heart Of Steel

Rank: #25

Rating: 7,5 / 10

Even though I much prefer "Bonfire" (the song from Vidbir 2020), it's a good song and production. It's cool to see this kind of entries in the competition, it's very modern. Ukraine can be proud to have sent this song to Liverpool.

Albania: ALBINA & FAMILJA KELMENDI - Duje

Rank: #23

Rating: 8 / 10

I like how the song starts, it's dramatic without overdoing it, it sounds very Albanian. Too bad the revamp removed the power of the song that we found at FiK 2022. Albina and her family will have no problem qualifying for the final, the Europeans will appreciate the family show.

Belgium: GUSTAPH - Because Of You

Rank: #30

Rating: 6 / 10

Well, I admit "Because Of You" grew a little in me BUT I remain convinced that there were better choices for Belgium. It still sounds corny but it's danceable and listenable and frankly there's worse this year. Belgium's qualification for the final will depend on its running order in the 2nd semi-final.

Ireland: WILD YOUTH - We Are One

Rank: #28

Rating: 7 / 10

The song itself is fine and Wild Youth knows how to perform, however the revamp took away the soul that was in the original version. It sounds more like a World Cup song than a Eurovision song and given the band's discography, they could have done better. I hope they don't bring those masks from the official clip back to Liverpool otherwise it's guaranteed Ireland will finish dead last in its semi-final.

Slovenia: JOKER OUT - Carpe Diem

Rank: #3

Rating: 9,5 / 10

Slovenia made the right choice by selecting Joker Out internally. "Carpe Diem" is a diamond in the rough, a superb entry that reflects the group's universe well. The live performance is better than the studio version, the band members are very charismatic. Slovenia can achieve its best result in the contest with them.

Norway: ALESSANDRA - Queen Of Kings

Rank: #18

Rating: 8 / 10

What a bop ! Norway made an excellent choice by choosing "Queen of Kings". It's very catchy and impactful, I like the idea of ​​adding an Italian intro at the start of her performance and I hope it stays in the Eurovision version of the title. Norway can aim for the top 10.

Spain: BLANCA PALOMA - Eaea

Rank: #2

Rating: 10 / 10

Modern and experimental flamenco ! I love this entry ! "Eaea" is perfect to represent Spain at Eurovision. Blanca Paloma is spellbinding with this dramatic and original song. She deserves the top 5 at least.

Czechia: VESNA - My Sister's Crown

Rank: #19

Rating: 8 / 10

It's a great and well-produced song, but I still don't have any winner vibes to this day. It's sure that Czechia will be noticed this year, but be careful with the staging and the performance should not be messed up. I wish the final to Czechia but of all the favorite countries of the first semi-final, it is the one that has the best chance of not qualifying to everyone's surprise in my opinion.

Estonia: ALIKA - Bridges

Rank: #12

Rating: 9 / 10

"Bridges" is simple but very effective, creative and original as a song. The live performance adds the necessary power for this song. Alika is an excellent performer, in Liverpool she will shine with her determination. Estonia will easily be in the final, it's the best Baltic song for me.

To be continued in the next post.

[outsidereveries]

Link:32 contestants

https://youtu.be/anrSAWJXINw

Do you know eurovision,you re from Bulgaria?

What is the top 10 for you ?

me? not knowing about eurovision?

of course i know about this contest why wouldn’t i?

the drama with slavi and sofi is still in my head😭😭

anyways, so about my top 37. will have the alleged albina curse in mind. by mvs and the rehearsals, from where i started to watch..

- norway: great song, applies to their history really well. didn’t like the mv aesthetic, the outfit when she’ll be in live could’ve been better. the stage is too bland. give me sofi marinova’s love unlimited vibes 😭 but sofi.. she’s another topic. overall: 8/10. great potential but unfulfilled as deserved. probably will be in final because of the history itself

- malta: 10/10. top from the start to the end. everything. final. top 5, i assume.

- serbia: it’s in their language! love my neighbours !! the song is ideal in its way, but honestly, idk if this one is the right choice for this contenst because of the music style itself. the meaning of the song is underappreciated to me. i’d say 7/10. maybe in the finals, maybe not.

- latvia: nice music video, i really like the aesthetic of it. however, like serbia’s .. where’s the wow factor? they might not qualify. the stage is bland if i have to compare with the music video and if the rehearsal applies to the live performance .. 6/10. i like the song but it’s not for eurovision to me. probably won’t qualify too.

- portugal: love her performance! and it’s also in their language, i love this! i believe she will qualify. to me, 10/10. in finals!

- ireland: nice song. mv and live performance will be too different, and this don’t work for me. could not qualify too. i like the music video, i love the mv aesthetic, it was nice. the live stage could be too bland and.. the outfit.. no. just no. overall: 6/10. ireland should think more of mv aesthetic applying to the live performance in 2024.

- croatia: FINALS! WOW FACTOR! 10/10. didn’t like the mv editing, could’ve done better for the memes but apart from that they’ll be surely in finals. welcome to the humorous eurovision songs alongside with romania, moldova, ukraine and russia🥹 (idk if i missed any so sorry if i did)

- switzerland: the song is okay, not my style though. the wow factor isn’t there to me. the stage is bland even with the dancers and the scarves. do they saw something in alexa’s perfomance in asc😭 bc it looks like it :( overall: 6/10. nice song for its genre, the stage is meh. idk if his vocals will be okay? maybe in finals, maybe not. probably not.

- israel: 2023 chanel vibes. uh, why unicorn? anyways, generic pop songs. will deliver well choreography-wise. i hope her vocals will be great too. i am afraid she’ll be compared with chanel, but overall: 8/10. didn’t liked the mv’s aesthetic for some reason, it could’ve been thought better. the stage will be great in my opinion.

- moldova: one of my personal favourites. and they sing in their language !! .. or romanian? idek, anyway, the mv is really great and there’s story! plus for me! the stage is also great and it compliments the mv well. my rank.. 9/10. i hope his vocals will be okay, otherwise i’d rank 10/10. unfortunately, idk if it will be as appreciated as moldova deserves, so i’m uncertain if they’ll qualify.

- sweden: as i love to say, generic pop song. she’ll serve as always, she will probably be in finals. i doubt she will win again though. since it’s not my style, without having this in mind, 8/10. she could’ve done a bit more imo.

- azerbaijan: also good song, i love the vibes both on stage and mv! although the kinda bland stage, it suits the song well while norway’s song doesn’t (in comparison). honestly i doubt they’ll be in finals. to me 9/10.

- czechia: quite strange mv to me bc is this really them? plus for singing in their language.. and mine.. and ukrainian! i love their stage’s background bc it suits the song imo, the outfits could be better though. they might be in finals assuming their mv and their stage might be loved. 8/10 although it’s not my style. the song can grow on me but their concept is strange to me and that won’t change.

- the netherlands: idk if the mv could’ve been better to match better the song. the stage could be better imo but as a duet it looks fine to me. might be in finals but i am uncertain about it. i don’t like the song bc it’s not my taste. 6/10. could’ve been better.

- finland: plus for him singing in their language! the stage is great for the song itself and i like it really sounds different than most of the other songs. might become a meme? idek. will probably be in finals imo. … well. 10/10. it’s obvious i love the song as eurovision one

—

denmark: i like the pure idea tbh. everything is suitably to the mv tbh. i hope his outfit will be great. 9/10. idk if he will qualify tho

armenia: although there’s the alleged albina curse, the song is great! however i hate the mv. why brunette looks like that in front of the musicians? at least change the outfit for god sake..

the stage looks fine to me, it suits the idea to me🤷🏻‍♀️

high chances of being in finals.. 9/10 bc of the mv opinion i have.

romania: nice song, hope the stage looks better. 8/10? i don’t know if they will qualify.

estonia: great song. it just- 👌🏻 10/10. hope estonia qualify

belgium: love the mv and the stage suits. the outfit tho– anyway, 9/10. finals?

cyprus: quite weaker compared to others. i don’t like the song that much although it suits the singer, it’s just now that spectacular. 7/10. the stage isn’t well thought out too.

iceland: great song, bad outfit. it doesn’t suit her… 9/10. finals.

greece: also weaker compared to others, but better than cyprus. also 7/10. the song might be okay but that’s it. the wow factor isn’t there.

poland: blanka isn’t that bad. idc she’s rigged, but i hate her stage behind her. WHY THESE COLORS? she’s capable of giving the bare minimum friends :| the song isn’t that bad but the stage is. 6/10, could’ve been better.

slovenia: i love the whole song! mv, stage, everything. it just suits. 10/10. finals.

georgia, the country: great song! 10/10. hopefully finals.

san marino: it’s not that bad.. just weaker.. 7/10.

austria: top notch. i mean 10/10, top 5. one of the best entries this year

albania: underappreciated, i am afraid they might not qualify. i really like the song, although the stage could’ve been a bit better. the outfits are kinda weird for me, but apart from that 10/10. one of my favourites.

lithuania: it’s weak one but it’s fine. might do well but i doubt they’ll qualify. 7/10.

australia: it’s not my type however i love the stage. 8/10. probably will qualify? idek

—

france: actually, great song! 9/10. might place well.

germany: the stage is their best thing tbh since it suits the song. i like they’re doing rock/metal? but.. nah.. i don’t think they’ll do well. 7/10.

italy: better than poland but worse than .. let’s say romania. 7/10.

spain: as great as france! probably the best out of big 5+1! 9/10 to me

uk: mediocre basic pop song. 7/10. decent placement i assume

ukraine: the stage could’ve been better but the performance is better. the outfit is strange to me, idek why. the mv is weak to me. the song is decent, could be better but idek. 6/10 but because of my preference. it’s better than poland but worse than these with 8/10 ranked songs.

and my top 10 without order as you wanted to read: moldova, albania, austria, portugal, slovenia, croatia, malta, azerbaijan, georgia.. uh, maybe belgium? these were the most impactful for me.

in conclusion: chanel came, almooooooost everyone started to try to add more in their performances.

if i want to do predictions who won’t qualify, i’d say azerbaijan, san marino, lithuania, maybe albania, greece, cyprus, latvia, switzerland, maybe ireland, maybe estonia, maybe denmark. i could ask my cards for more certain answer tbh but i’ll try to speed up before asking about the fiest semifinals. hope it’s detaied, i tried to be as maximum as possible.

[allkinds-oftrash]

The Crown S5E9 Commentary

Non-Spoiler Review: THIS EPISODE!! This episode had the Peter Morgan writing I have loved for The Crown since S1 and that went all out in S4. I’ve been missing this spark all season and he FINALLY got it back after 8 episodes - s i r why. So far, this and Mou Mou have been the best written episodes of the season. We deserved more punchy episodes like this especially in highlighting the media war between Diana and Charles. But phew what a way to showcase the end of their marriage. I really really loved the writing of this episode! 

Spoilers Under The Cut 

The fallout of the Interview!! This should be juicy

I always appreciate how Peter Morgan uses other people or events to parallel against what's happening in the family at the time. It's just such a clever narrative device and works every time!

Also ohmygod Couple 31 - they're going to be the 31rd couple on the divorce docket aren't they!

LMAO LIZZIE WROTE THEM A LETTER TELLING THEM TO DIVORCE HSKDHJD Only took you 14 years Lizzie I'm cackling "To request a divorce" HSJDJDJ I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING Like this is so sad but also it was a long time coming and they all deserved to be free from the marriage

Oh nooo Patrick and Dr. Khan WHY 😭😭 Patrick was always there for her too dammit I mean the separation was always going to lead to a divorce Di But I can't help but still feel sad for her sigh Not the fucking press hounding her outside her therapist's office too wtf??? She deserves to drain him for all he's worth Lord knows she'll put that money to good use with her charities more than the BRF ever will

Well Camilla's prophecy from S4 came true - wasn't so much a prophecy but a prediction Girlie is the villian now and being hounded by the press Lmaooo not Charles getting her a PR expert to protect her image

LIZZIE I KNOW YOU'RE NOT MAKING POOR JOHN MAJOR THEIR DIVORCE MEDIATOR SHDKJDJD Mans really became their babysistter-therapist-marriage AND divorce counsellor this season huh This is too funny pls All the previous PMs have had serious political reports to give her And this one who I like the most so far despite him being a Tory, is set up to put out personal fires for the Royal Fam I can't stop laughing Not him listing all the suitable candidates with such obliviousness and then Lizzie drops the bomb hskdjkd

Lizzie: "What about you"

John Major: "Me?"

I DIED Johnny Lee Miller I LOVE YOU The Crown is ✨a comedy✨ yall Not her comparing this divorce to the conflict in Northern Ireland Elizabeth STOP IT Yeah he is easy to like and trust and I hate it cos he's a TORY Lmao well Lizzie he can't really say no, can he. Who the hell is going to say no to the Queen of England dhdkkds Omg he's into it?? Just cos she used the word umpire John babes don't you have a country to run?? Not his family feeling neglected 💀💀 Occupational Hazard things I guess

This Irish couple is going THROUGH IT Ngl I like these divorce couple breaks in the episode. It's really interesting

Okay Mark stop lying you can hate her too Lmao okay Camilla you made the consistent choice to do so loving him and in the process tagteamed with your lover to bully and manipulate a 19 year old so yall do not get off that easy

God this conversation is depression to watch now that she IS the Q word Also again with the "word" although in this case I get it. Better than the divorce conversations with Andrew dkdkkdkd LMAO THE CALLBACK TO TAMPONGATE I'M SCREAMING God Charles is being such a baby

John Major is really good at this I'm shook Not this motherfucker telling her never to speak publicly abt what she went through Basically paying her off to be silent LMAO DIANA "If he's hoping to stuff my mouth and hoping I gag on it, then that sum better be 8 figures and start with a 3" W H A T A L I N E

Not them sucking up to the Spin Doctor shdkjdd this is so funny

OH this dentist and hygienist's age gap and dynamic is PEAK Diana and Charles This was sad to listen to

Chucky I KNOW you're not flirting with your ex wife right now what is wrong with you Also ALL her looks are iconic "Natural" Okay stfu Chucky Yeah you never said nice things ever Chuck She's right you got everything you ever wanted He's being too nice I do not trust it nor him

Lmaooo he doesn't remember where the kitchen is She's right buddy you were never happy here This is the first time he's ever said anything I agreed with: "Why doesn't one eat scrambled eggs all the time" He's right they are a vibe

Charles: An audit of the marriage Diana: An autopsy I LOVE IT

Holy fuck this is a brilliant piece of writing Just wowow this conversation is so snappy and tight THIS is the kind of writing I've been wanting all season

It might have been mean Di but it's true the mans has always been old He has Old Energy nothing wrong with that jajjsks Lmao she called him old once and he got upset 💀💀

"You do know there was always love there" Okay Mr "Whatever In Love Means" Charles is odd wanting Di to say her name God this is a painful conversation Ofc Chucky is throwing a tantrum Not the "Ask my parents" line 💀💀

Dominic's Charles feels more restraint I can't decide if that's a good or bad Like Josh went OFF Dominic even while yelling doesn't feel as visceral?? This was an autopsy indeed Okay sorry but that was such a bad crying shot - should have just kept it a wide from the start

Lmaooo NOW the divorce court is full of the press after being empty I mean I know why it's just funny it was just the lawyers for the other couples who weren't even there and now the whole court is full They weren't even there 💀💀 Also omg imagine the person finalising THE Wales' divorce - w i l d shit Damn to end it on their wedding procession that was A Choice

Now onto the finale!

[lesbianshowercurtains]

My review of the first semi

Norway: honestly kinda disappointed in this performance, felt like it was missing some power. song's a banger though

Malta: I HATED this song before the semi. I loved the performance though, and I can appreciate it as a fun bop, a good time all round. fine with it nqing

Serbia: this song is made in the staging - they've done a great job with it, this is such a fun watch

Latvia: nonono bc I am the no1 sudden lights stan I am sobbing crying pissing myself they didn't get into the final

Portugal: I liked it before, but mimicat KILLED IT. so glad they got through, I didn't expect her to but she deserves it

Ireland: sounds like christian rock (derogatory)

Croatia: you don't understand, im OBSESSED. this is what eurovision should be

Switzerland: yes its got as much edge as a marble but I like it ok?? we all have our faults

Israel: I like the music video ironically for the high camp of her turning into a centaur. other than that its nothing special, v well made but generic

Moldova: one of my top 3 eurovision countries (along with portugal and andorra) kills it again. never misses

Sweden: the song's boring as hell, but loreen is such a fucking powerhouse of a performer that she carries it

Azerbaijan: again, I'm afraid I love it. gives rex orange county vibes. cute.

Czechia: great performance, glad they got through. still not as good as the music video

Netherlands: I'm sorry, I feel nothing.

Finland: it's crazy, it's party, it's the favourite for a reason. love my lime green son

[katie-mcgerman]

do yall ever think about the fact that ireland really came out here and said “i’m gonna gift the world with hozier AND katie mcgrath”?

[the-celluloid-correspondent]

Wolfwalkers

A young girl and her father journey to Ireland to help wipe out the last wolf pack. But everything changes when she is befriends a spirited girl from a mysterious tribe who turns into wolves during the night.

Wolfwalkers is a film that I've been wanting to watch for a very long time. From its hand-drawn animation to its tribute to Celtic mythology, my hopes were high for this film. Safe to say, Wolfwakers did not disappoint. This movie is breathtakingly gorgeous from its animation to its story. This series is a children's movie, it does not shy away from darker tones, but it finds the right amount of joy so that both adults and children can both appreciate this film. The characters are fantastically written and have more depth than the majority of animated features today. I am going ahead and saying this but this should have won Best Animated Feature at the Oscars over Soul last year.

With every great animated feature comes some fantastic acting. With two child actors in the front of this film, both of them give a fantastic performance in their respective roles. Honor Kneafsey and Eva Whittaker truly steal the show in this film. Sean Bean also gives a fantastic performance in this film. He brings a nice mature balance to this film between the two child actors. Furthermore, Simon McBurney makes a fantastic villain in this film. He is truly diabolical in this film and I think he is now one of my favorite animated villains.

The musical score in this film is absolutely fantastic and I love the rendition of "Running With the Wolves", by Aurora presented in Wolfwalkers. The animation is truly something special in this feature and the filmmakers know it. They truly allow you to get lost in the beauty of their animation. With the gorgeous animation came some beautiful cinematography. This is easily one of the most beautiful animated movies that have gazed into my eyes. My only complaint with this film is that it is on AppleTV and you can't watch it anywhere else. You can't even get it on DVD which just secretly pisses me off because hardly anyone knows about this film because it is on AppleTV.

With all of that stated, Wolfwakers is a beautiful tribute to hand-drawn animation and Celtic culture. It is a beautifully animated film that truly deserves more recognition than what it is getting.

I am giving Wolfwalkers, an A+.

[dreamermoonshine]

A meeting with our Manager after we get our Number 1 and a surpise reward

Now United Dream The Next Level Episode 15 - The Big News

Fair Warning: bad language

Intro of the story

After we got our No 1 in Germany,Ireland and UK Yotill our Manager congratulate us for the single which is made it to no 1 single of "Dance Like That"a some big news to the Dream members

(Meanwhlie at the dorm at Tomàs's room they preparing a zoom meeting with Yotil also some excited news to share along with the American members of NJAS about Brazil).

Y/N: Tomàs will you hurry up will ya.

Tomàs: okay, I tried to turn zoom on my laptop.

Sina: try to get u log it in to your computer.

Tomas: Ok, I'll Try...

Joalin: How long is going log in on his account.

Alex: I don't know.

Tomàs: oh is on ok I'm going to put on a ID number and a password that Joshy sent me on the link ah perfect.

(So he puts his zoom code on his laptop)

Y/N interview: today we had a meeting with Yotill, Noah, Josh, Any and Saby we had some fantastic news to share so whlie we here as a unit and we had to tell them some excited news to share with them.

All: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Noah: Hi, you guys hello from L.A. Congrats for No1 for "Dance Like that"

Lamar: Cheers Man were appreciate.

Sofya: We miss you Saby, Josh, Noah and Any, I hope we could reunite together as a whloe group.

Sabina: We miss you too our European members we hope we enjoyed the new single that we listened and its the new version of it.

Y/n: ahh gracias Sab, anyways What Yotil has in store of us as a two units and she turned off her camera

(then Yotill turn the camera on and she blow a party blower)

Yotil: Congratulations, Now United Dream🥳🥳🥳🥳

Sina, Alex,Y/N, Tomas: YOTILLLLLLL

(Alex, Sina, Tomas and I were screaming her name we were shocked)

Joalin: Thanks Yotil and to you guys we worked our ass since day 1 we can couldn't with our friends in London for supporting us.

Y/N: And we can't couldn't without our beloved choreographers Kyle Hanagami and Nicky Andersen and the fans is well to keep them support of our track since the debut and yeah, let's move on shall we.

Yotill: Ok, I like your determination Y/N right so, have great news to the dream members as your reward for getting into the top of the charts... all seven of you tomorrow you all deserve a day off!

(We all glad and shocked, we deserve a day off and we work our arse off since realising the track in at least 25hr we super proud of ourselves and our careers is well to work hard as a European unit of Now United, then I grab Chill and we have a wee dance because I took a day off).

Y/N: Did u hear that Chili I'm having a day off buddy tomorrow day off. (Chili is happy do the happy dance whlie I cuddle with her while I'm in the middle of the zoom call) ok, Chill is tried (so she asleep on my lap wait for Vic to come back from the Måneskin boys at the rehersals)

Sabina: Wow, Y/N is that ur dog?

Y/N: No, is Victoria's, so we decied that we want Me, Hannah and Vic to bring our pets in into the dorm because its pet friendly area so I'm toy poodle sitting whlie she is working with the lads in the studio but we need to to be quiet because she sleeping

Sabina: Ok

Josh: that's cool, ok we have some good news that Yotill got in store for the two sub groups that were got debuted regarding American and Europe Unit Yotill.

Yotil: Thank You Josh, Dream and NJAS you guys in 4 days time you guys are going to perform Meus Prêmios in San Paolo in Brazil

(Everybody has shocked and screamed the news that in 4 days time they are going perform in Meus Prêmios in São Paolo in Brazil.)

Y/N: Any It's incredible, oh shit sorry Chill.

Tomàs Interview: I can't wait to go to Brazil with the group it is my first time to travel there to it is a greater country in the world are going to spend there for 2 weeks there but we will leave London soon is well Oh God, I'm going to cry.

Sofya: how long we at going to be there in Brazil for?

Yotill: Well, you guys are spending a week with a Bootcamp with Brazilian Biggest YouTube superband were....EVE, WIBE and Paradyzo they are trained popstars and kpop stars just like you guys and also they wanted to help to be a better global popgroup as you guys are

(the members were very curious about we are going to train in the bootcamp with 4 group before the big event)

Yotil: After this bootcamp for 2 days you guys are going to have a shoot on a new single on each unit it call......... Não Para.

(The members were very excited What plans ahead before the Meus Prêmios and shooting a Music video for two weeks).

Sina Interview: Não Para... wow (shocked of excited)

Y/n Interview: Não Para.... Now that's how we call Brazilian/Portuguese way nice one Yotill.

Yotil: Dream this is your 3rd single now so... put your act together and Nicky is away and not coming to Brazil in four days but, he still in London for 2 days to finishing this chero then Kyle doing cheoraphy the 2 days before you guys leaving for Brazil.

Josh: Yes, you guys only had in 4 days time has to be done no day offs, no miss outs and no distraction, Sina, Y/N and Lamar as you three as the captains you need to make sure the chero need to be perfect as soon before Kyle arrives in London, we had already done ours and now Nicky and Kyle will help you to get the cherograph perfectly.

Alex interview: two weeks has to be done before we fly to Brazil it is going to be a crazy ride.

Yotil: So, I know you guys need to go to Brazil so much I know the fact that y/n, Lamar and Tomàs are going to Brazil for the first time so Sina, Alex, Sofya and Joalin can you give some advice for the three frist timers about Brazil.

Sofya: We will, I hope we could plan this after the rehersals some food and Y/n is now currently learning Portuguese is well.

Yotill: ok, you four of you can do that so.. After this meeting come to a close and before tomorrow's day off as of today you all seven of to go to the recording studio this afternoon and evening for each recording on Não Para before the Dream members need to take a day off, I sent an email to Ail that they start recording on each members time is okay you guys, I will give the dates and schedule that you guys to be early before the time call start for any single unit it has.... Are there any question..

(you raised your hand on the the schedule for Brazil)

Y/n: How long we going to spend in the boothcamp?

Yotil: 2 days then the music video shoot will be on the following day is okay Y/n.

Y/N: yup, it makes sense.

Y/N Interview: I can't wait to go to Brazil this experience will blow out of my mind but I had to tell the girls the news but Hannah is on the UK tour I had to text her but I will have a surpise for Victoria is well

(After the meeting)

Sofya: So four days time this is it

Y/N: Yup, 4 days time lads 4 days time

Joalin: we had to go to the recording studio with Ail so shall we go guys.

Y/N: right let's go then

.....

To be Continued

tune in to our date to have a surpise for Victoria you wanna to miss this.

and I will tag later if I'm upgraded for taging

@unitericons, @angelboy1 @sinadeinertstuff @sinadeinert @nowunitedits @noahurrea-fan @joalinstuff @alexmandonbra @sofyaicons @sabinahupdates @anygabriellystuff @bidet-and-legolas @mywritingonlyfans @victoriadeangeliswifey @teatrodellavita @teatro-dira @teenyweenynightghost @chilifanacc @wannabemarlenabutiscoraline @ethanesimp @ethaneskin @joshbaccess @damianodavidwife @damiaxvic @selenophiliaxx @oro-e-diamanti @nientedaridere @unitershy @its-me-im-coraline @its-afucking-mess @fandomfoodiedancer @ginny-lily @ilwiwbysmv @ilballodellavitaa @sinestezijaa @cantaraiilmionome

[des-idk]

Thoughts on Semi Final 1

As I said yesterday, I'm gonna go through the first semi final and give you my opinions on the acts, their qualification status, and if they would have qualified in my opinion. This was a fucking bloodbath and I'm so distraught over so many things but let's fucking go!!!

Lithuania Q: I'm so happy that this qualified. What an amazing way to open the show. Everything about this was engaging and fun and this was the perfect way to get back into Eurovision after 2 years away.

Slovenia NQ: I'm honestly not surprised this NQed but I'm sad nonetheless. This kinda grew off me with last nights performance, I thought Ana's vocals weren't as polished as they had been in rehearsals and the staging wasn't as impressive as I expected, but this was still entertaining.

Russia Q: MANIZHA MY BELOVED!!!!!! This was amazingly entertaining and I loved every second of it. The message behind the song and Manizha's delivery of it was just amazing. I am so fucking happy that this qualified and I was kinda worried that this wouldn't.

Sweden Q: I really do not like this and I really do not like that this qualified. It was expected cause juries basically grovel at the feet of the Nordic countries but come on. This wasn't that great, but it was Sweden so of course it qualified.

Australia NQ: I have not stopped ranting about this I am so mad Montaigne didn't qualify. This was absolutely amazing and I am so unbelievably upset for Montaigne. You did great sweetie!!

North Macedonia NQ: I'm honestly not surprised this didn't qualify and I don't think anyone else is. I think that overall, in any other context this could have done well as it's a powerful and well sung song but it just isn't a Eurovision song.

Ireland NQ: THIS HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL WHAT HAPPENED?? The staging was unique and interesting, and while the vocals were a little shaky in places, this was still a really good performance overall. I really hope this came 11th cause this should have qualified a long with Australia.

Cyprus Q: This grew on and then off me. I think the staging is really interesting but the song is just fine. I'm not surprised that this qualified tbh, this is a sold entry.

Norway Q: This is the same situation as Sweden but I actually like the artist. I think TIX is a great guy and the song honestly isn't as bad as I say this is. I still don't think this should have qualified.

Croatia NQ: This NQing was a huge shock. I was sure this would have qualified but I guess not. This wasn't as good as other entries but it still deserved to qualify.

Belgium Q: I AM SO HAPPY BELGIUM QUALIFIED LET'S GO!!! Everything about this was amazing, the staging and presentation was so polished and well executed I am so happy this made it to the final.

Israel Q: I'm really annoyed that this qualified. I appreciate the work and talent Eden put in but I cannot separate artist from country, especially with what's going on in Israel at the moment. Side note, please don't come into my notes to argue about this, thank you.

Romania NQ: ROXEN has improved so much since the rehearsals and it's so unfortunate to see her NQ. The staging was another that was really interesting and engaging and her vocals have really improved. You did great sweetie!!!

Azerbaijan Q: Yeah, this sure qualified. I wish it didn't, but I can kind of understand the appeal, however this just doesn't do anything for me.

Ukraine Q: Sex? Nah. I'm saving myself for the bog witch. But genuinely, this was fucking spectacular. The EBU really likes to tease us though, motherfuckers. This was so fucking good and I am over the moon that this qualified.

Malta Q: The live performance of this was pretty disappointing I'm not gonna lie. Destiney has amazing vocals and is an amazing performer but this staging just wasn't the best. I still think she was fully deserving of qualifying but that staging just isn't that great.

Well that's all of them. That was so stressful but I loved it. See you guys for more madness on Thursday!!!

[theseusernamesarehard]

Heavenly pastries and mediocre coffee - Fred Weasley

Pairing: Fred Weasley x fem!reader

Summary: On an adventure for some coffee one morning, Fred Weasley happens to wonder into a bakery where he meets a flour covered woman who will leave quite the impression on him.

Warnings: None except this might be a bit boring :/

Time: This takes place the summer before the war so in the beginning of the Half-Blooded prince

A/N: Hi! This is my second fic on here and I would love some feedback especially since it’s a tad different from my other one (meaning that this might be a tad more boring). I had this idea and wrote it out, but while reading it I realized that nothing happens in this. So I would love to know if you enjoy calmer fics like this since I still liked this one!

Word count: 2,8k

gif isn’t mine credit to whoever made it!

“Oi, Fred!” George yelled from downstairs while Fred was still struggling to get out of bed.

“Whaaaat?” he groaned.

“The coffee machine is broken and I cannot fix it for the life of me.”

“Have you tried reparo?” Fred said as he got out and walked to the kitchen where George was standing next to steaming coffee maker.

“Have I tri-Of course I’ve tried reparo! What do you think I am, a bloody idiot?”

“Fine, fine. What do you reckon we do? I’d much rather have a coffee this morning, but I don’t think there’s time to go to a café before we have to open the shop.”

“I can handle the shop if you go get coffee? I’m sure there’s a good place around here somewhere.”

“All right, I’ll go. Want anything special?”

“Just a normal coffee and a pastry of some sort.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can!” Fred promised as he rushed back to his room to get dressed.

“I’ll get everything set up!” George promised.

In twenty minutes, Fred was exiting the shop, now fully dressed and hair still a little damp from his shower. He was on a quest to find a good place for coffee, which there were surprisingly little of on Diagon Alley. Finally, after walking around for a bit, he saw a little bakery that he was quite certain hadn’t been there for long. He entered with a hope that they had at least some sort of machine that produced anything caffeinated and walked up to an empty counter where he rang the bell.

After a moment, a woman erupted through a door that presumably led to the back space of the bakery. She was calm and walked over peacefully despite the fact that her face was almost completely covered in flour.

“Good morning and welcome to Bailey’s bakery! What can I get started for you?” she said enthusiastically, but Fred was trying his hardest to hold in his laughter, so he couldn’t answer right away. “What? Do I have something on my face?” she asked innocently, but the corners of her mouth were twitching as well.

“Perhaps a bit of flour, but it’s barely noticeable. Bailey, I assume?” he asked after chuckling slightly.

“Oh no, I’m actually Y/N. Bailey, the owner, is in the back preparing all the baked goods and trust me, that’s how you want it. I’m truly horrendous at baking.”

“If you don’t bake how do you have all that flour on your face?”

“Well let’s just say Bailey has been a bit stressed with the opening of this place and was not having any of my antics today.”

“So she threw flour at you?”

“Exactly.”

“I don’t think bosses are supposed to treat their employees like that.”

“They are when the employees are their best friend since Hogwarts and truth be told the aforementioned employee kind of deserve it.”

“I don’t know if anyone deserves a face full of flour first thing in the morning.”

“Well that just comes to show that you haven’t met me before. Now, what can I get for you?”

“Right, I meant to ask, do you have any coffee here?”

“Oh yes we do! And it is in fact extremely mediocre.”

“Aren’t you supposed to say it’s excellent?”

“Well see now that’s the trick. If I say the coffee is excellent, you’ll know I’m saying it just because I am meant to sell it. But if I say the coffee is mediocre, your interest is peaked and you’ll have no choice, but to try it and see for yourself. Am I correct?”

“I suppose I am more intrigued by the coffee now.”

“Exactly. So technically, this is a better way of selling coffee.”

“You are right.”

“So a coffee it is. Here or to go?”

“Two coffees actually. And both to go.”

“Two? Seems as though I am a better saleswoman than I thought.”

“Perhaps you should open your own shop.”

“As much as I clearly have a knack for selling things, I think I fair better as a worker who offers anecdotes about coffee and then pours that coffee”, she laughed and presented her skill to dot he latter. “Anything else?”

“Yes, actually. I was asked to bring some sort of baked good, but I have been given no other instructions. Any recommendations?”

“I’ll go and see what our ever-so-cheerful baker would say.”

With that, the young woman walked to the door and stood behind it to open it so that she was not in front of the door when it was opened. She clearly knew what she was doing as another handful of flour was thrown out the door onto the floor immediately.

“Ha! Missed me”, she smiled, now standing at the door. Unfortunately that was when she got another face full of flour, but she just shrugged at Fred and grinned widely. “I’ve also got a customer here, don’t know if that’s worth mentioning.”

“You do not!” a woman’s voice yelled in horror.

“Oh yes I do. A very lovely gentleman who needs some recommendations on baked goods. have any to offer him?” she smiled.

“Go get yourself cleaned up, I’ll take it from here”, a frantic looking woman with an apron and a bit of flour on her forehead appeared from the door and pushed her grinning friend inside. “I am so sorry sir. We are not usually this unprofessional it has just been quite the morning. It’s just me and her right now and she has a tendency to get a bit snarky, so hopefully she wasn’t too bad”, the woman, who Fred figured was Bailey, started to ramble.

“Oh not at all, she was an excellent saleswoman I’d say.”

“Well good. Now you apparently need to be recommended something to eat?”

Fred mostly zoned out on the conversation with Bailey although she seemed to be very passionate about baked goods, asking multiple questions which he tried to answer. Unfortunately his thoughts were quite focused on the worker who he had been talking with. 

After a lot longer than expected, he was finally returned to the shop, which was now full of customers and went to find George who seemed to be on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

“Thank god you’re here! Where did you go to get coffee? Ireland?” he asked as he took the cup of coffee and pastry bag with a simple pain au chocolate inside it.

“Found this new bakery with some interesting workers”, Fred chuckled.

“You can tell me about it later, ‘cause right now we have a shop full of customers and I cannot handle it by myself anymore!”

“Let’s get to work then!”

The next morning George entered their kitchen and figured he must still be dreaming. He had never seen Fred this cheerful on this time of day (Christmas as children didn’t count) without any coffee.

“What are you doing up already?”

“I figured since the coffee machine is still broken I’d go to that coffee shop again”, Fred explained. “This time a bit earlier so you don’t have to manage the shop all by yourself for as long.”

“So which one is it?”

“What?”

“Yesterday you told me there were two women working at that bakery so which one do you have a crush on?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I bet it’s the worker, not the owner. The one with flour all over her face.”

“I do not have a crush on either of them!”

“Oh please! You never wake up early and besides, if you didn’t have a crush you would’ve made me go get the coffee since you did it yesterday. So which one is it?”

“This is completely ridiculous. I’m going!” Fred declared and left to the shop.

“Get me another one of those pastries!” his brother yelled after him.

George smiled from the satisfaction of knowing he had hit the nail on the head. Fred on the other hand chose to ignore him. Sure he had thought that Y/N was funny, charming and she seemed to be a sight for sore eyes with and without the flour all over her face. 

He got further proof of this when he entered the shop and saw her ringing up a customer this time face clean. She had her hair in a slight updo away from her face and was smiling while she thanked the customer and handed them their pastry.

“Good morning again. Here for more coffee?” she asked.

“I am indeed. Two cups to go again, to be specific, please”, he replied and she got on with pouring the coffee. “And my brother found his pastry tasted like, and I quote, ‘it had cascaded down from heaven into his mouth’ so I have been asked to bring another one.”

“I’ll tell the baker her work was appreciated and get another one in a second. Would you like anything else?”

“I think I’m obligated to try this heavenly chocolate thing, since he didn’t give me any yesterday.”

“I’ll go get those for you”, she smiled and Fred couldn’t help, but notice how her smile seemed to light up her whole face.

Needless to say, the twins didn’t get a new coffee machine. George made fun of Fred for it quite a bit, but as long as he had his pain au chocolate there was no way he was going to actually complain. Fred kept on going there and talking with her while they waited for his pastries to get baked or while she was pouring him coffee was his favourite part of the day. He couldn’t help, but notice that even when she had other customers, although she joked around with them for a bit, she would always return to him and continue their conversation while she was done ringing them up or telling them to wait for their baked goods. This was all the encouragement he needed to ask her out and after a week of going there and talking with her every morning, he realized that there was no way he wasn’t going to do it So he walked to the bakery and smiled slightly when her face was once again full of flour.

“Morning Fred.”

“Bailey stressed again?” he smirked.

“Yep. There was some misunderstanding with the supplier and now we have 10 extra sacs of flour. I very politely asked if she would like me to get annoying again so she can throw it at me and looks like that was enough for her.”

“You seem like a very helpful worker.”

“Oh yes, I’m indeed excellent to have around. So the usual?”

“The usual.”

“Two mediocre coffees and two chocolate things coming right up.”

“You know, I meant to talk to you about that, because I have a complaint.”

“Really? Is it the flour throwing? Because unless we throw it at you I don’t think you have the right to complain.”

“No, I’m accusing you of false advertising.”

“Her name really is Bailey, if that’s what this is about. I’m sure I can find a way to get her to show you her birth certificate.”

“This is actually about the coffee. About how you keep advertising it as mediocre? I’ve come to the conclusion that your coffee is actually quite good and definitely deserves to be described as such instead of mediocre.”

“Seems as though you haven’t had really good coffee then. Ours is definitely good, but it’s still right in the middle of the scale. It’s very possible that you just haven’t had any coffee that’s on the better side.”

“Where does one even find that kind of coffee then?”

“The secret is little muggle coffee shops. They have the best coffee ever! I think it’s because they never use any magic to speed up the process or anything. Has a really authentic taste.”

Just as Fred was about to suggest that she could show him one of those places he heard a familiar voice behind them.

“Fred! I didn’t know you come here too!” Lee Jordan laughed.

“Hi Lee, actually just found this place a few days ago.”

“Hi Lee”, Y/N smiled form behind the counter. 

“Hi Y/N, can I get a cup of coffee and one of those strawberry pastries you have?” Lee ordered. “To go.”

“Of course, I’ll go get some. We might be out of the french chocolate things that I don’t know how to say the name of, but Bailey can whip them up pretty fast if you don’t mind waiting there”, she explained, addressing the last part to Fred.

“Don’t mind at all”, Fred said and she disappeared behind the door. 

He was just in the middle of catching up with Lee when she returned with Lee’s pastry and started pouring him coffee, which made him excuse himself to go talk to her.

Fred didn’t catch that much of their conversation, but he started listening more carefully when he realized Lee seemed to be explaining some sort of date. talking about dinner, a walk and stuff like that.

“So how does that sound?” he asked by the end of his explanation.

“Make it the nice little Italian place nearby and you’re good”, Y/N replied

Of course! Fred realized that the last time he was over, Lee had told the twins hew was kind of seeing someone, but wouldn’t tell them who. It must’ve been Y/N. Fred sighed at the lost opportunity to ask out the girl.

“Great!” he said and tried to hand her money, but she claimed it was on the house. 

A date and free coffee? Unfair. Fred thought again.

“And Lee?” she yelled after him as he was about to leave. “Three roses. Not one more and not one less.”

Fred nodded as she told him she’d go check in the back if his pastries were ready. And soon enough she came out with a bag and handed it to him along with the two coffees. He thanked her and walked away, still thinking about the missed opportunity.

Over the next few days he still kept going to the coffee shop, despite George reminding him they could always get a new one. He made sure he was being more careful, though, since he didn’t want to accidentally flirt with Lee’s girlfriend.

Y/N seemed to notice the change too. It wasn’t anything monumental and she only had a few previous encounters to compare it with, but the man was clearly being more reserved. He barely chatted with her while she was getting his coffee and she kept on wondering why. One afternoon, Y/N decided to take matters into her own hands. After she got off work, she ventured on to the streets of Diagon Alley and went to find the joke shop.

Y/N smiled as she saw the bright orange and purple store front and stepped in to find complete chaos inside. She found Fred standing around and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Hi!” she grinned. The man looked at her, confused and it seemed like she didn’t recognize her. “Err...it’s Y/N? From the bakery? Just less flour in my face and no apron.”

“Ah I assume you’ve come to find my brother”

Brother? Y/N thought and then remembered. “Right! You’re twins! So you’re not Fred then?”

“It’s alright. I forget we’re identical sometimes too. Makes for scary mornings. Anyways I’m George. George Weasley, nice to meet you”, he extended his hand and she shook it. 

“Nice to meet you George, like I said I’m Y/N. Do you have any idea where Fred might be?”

“I’ll go get him. Wait here”, George grinned.

Y/N waited and looked around all the products. She grinned at how creative they were.

“You were looking for me?” Fred appeared behind her. 

“I was. I got off work and decided to stop by and see the shop for myself.”

“Well, does it match your expectations.”

“I don’t think anyone could expect this. In a good way. This is amazing!”

“Why thank you. Were you looking into buying anything here?”

“I actually came to ask you about something. I was thinking that maybe once you get off work I could take you to one of those muggle coffee shops and show you what actually good coffee tastes like?”

“Okay, hold on. Aren’t you dating Lee?”

“What? No, why would I be dating Lee?”

“The other day he was clearly asking you out. The Italian place? Three roses not one more not one less?”

“That? No, no you’ve got it all wrong. Lee’s dating my roommate and he was running his plan through me since he wanted to make the date special and I know her pretty well.”

“So he took your roommate to the Italian place and gave her the three roses?”

“Yep, I’ve never been a fan roses anyway”, Y/N smiled. “But I do like Italian food.”

“Perhaps I’ll have to take you to that place sometime.”

“I’ve already asked you out to coffee, you can’t ask me out during the same day”, she laughed.

“Can’t blame a man for trying.”

“You still haven’t answered me about the coffee, you know.”

“I figured asking you out on a date means that I wouldn’t mind going on a date with you.”

“So what time do you get off?”

“Right now”, George replied cheerfully. 

“Were you eavesdropping?” Fred asked.

“No, I just happened to be stacking shelves over there and couldn’t help, but to hear some flirting. You can go, I’ll take it from here.”

“Thanks, Geore. Why don’t you lead the way?” he said, addressing the last part to Y/N, who didn’t hesitate in taking his hand and leading him outside.

[satrangee-ray]

Meet my MC: About the Past

Inara Hepburn (she/they)

Trigger warnings: Mentions of queerphobia, bullying, loss of family member, sexual harassment.

More below the cut—

All characters and events depicted are fictional, any resemblance to real incidents are purely coincidental. The writer has no intention to throw allegations on, or hurt the sentiments of any community.

Background and family dynamic:

Inara Hepburn was born in 1992 at Los Angeles, California, to Manimala B. Hepburn and Thomas Hepburn, mainly as a last attempt to save their drowning marriage. Their birth merely delayed the inevitable, and two years later Thomas split with Mani for another woman, leaving her free from a toxic and abusive relationship.

Jobless in a big city all on her own, Mani decided to move back to her paternal residence in Kolkata with her two year old, to ensure them a happy and safe life. She took up a teaching job at a government school to cover for their expenses.

Growing up, Inara had a fairly good relationship with their mom, even to the extent of calling her their best friend. This, however, changed drastically when Inara came out to their mom. She was highly disappointed in them for "turning out" the way they did, and she kept searching for means to try and "change" them. Inara, on the other hand, had never felt more misunderstood, and hence, the easy dynamic between the two turned into a rocky one, with both of them dancing around the queer topic for years.

When Inara was 16, she was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, her therapist too turned out to be quite tentative in their approval towards her identity. They believed they could make her feel differently with pills and a couple of sessions. Feeling alone in a huge fiasco with no cooperation whatsoever from her family, friends, or doctor, Inara took to flushing pills down the toilet, and channeling all her feelings into journaling in her diary. It was from here that she found an idea forming, and two months into it, she started writing her first novel.

For one and a half years, Inara secretly worked on this novel, pouring her heart and soul out into perfecting every word. Finally, when it was done, Inara asked her mom to give her one last chance to explain everything, and gave her this book to read. Conditions being, no questions should be asked until the entire book has been fully read. Mani agreed, and by the end of it, she was in tears. The book had successfully managed to change all her inhibitions regarding people of different identities. Touched by Inara's talent and dedication, she helped her publish the book under the pen name Indradhanush.

Things had started to change for the better in the Hepburn household. At 21, Inara flew abroad to attend medical school. Four years later, a week before their graduation, they found out that their mom had passed away in a car accident on her way to the airport.

After their mom's demise, their aunt from Northern Irelands re-established proper connection with them, as she was their only parental figure left. Their aunt, uncle and cousin still keep touch with them, through occasional chats or video calls on Whatsapp.

Education and career path:

Inara completed her primary and secondary education from St. Jonathan's Convent, Kolkata (fictional). Throughout her school years Inara was equally good in science and literature. History-geography was not her forte, and the only reason she took up physics-chemistry-bio after her 10th boards along with the compulsory literature subjects is to avoid those two. 

Outside of strict school studies, Inara had always been an inquisitive kid, questioning and introspecting everything in and around them to the degree that people called them crazy. Their mom had a masters in Bengali, hence they grew up in the environment of understanding and appreciating fiction. This led them to write poems and short stories from a very young age. They had almost decided on pursuing a literature based career.

In her school days, Inara was bullied for being "different"; aka both partially white and queer. She found it difficult to fit in, and hence the constant taunts became a part of her childhood trauma. She was also groped and sexually harassed by her math teacher in his office when she was in the 9th grade. Inara and her mom tried to report, but couldn't file a complaint as they were threatened by the said math teacher who held an important position in the church.

After 12th, Inara spent two years pursuing a bachelor's degree in English literature, and writing their second book. But by the first year, she had already encountered her life changing medical book 'Diagnostics Principles' by Dr. Ethan Ramsey (source: her family friend/physician), and her mind about her main career plans had begun to change. As soon as she made a decision, she quit college and took a year off to prepare for a medical entrance examination.

Having obtained a scholarship to study abroad, they took up their seat at a medical school in Boston, and completed their 4 year MBBS course. In the second year, their mom got another book of theirs published, this time a spy thriller, and that too recieved an overwhelming response. No one in their school or college knew it was them, cause it all happened under their pen name.

After graduation, she took up an internship position in Edenbrook Hospital, Boston.

Personal life:

The only best friends Inara had in school were Ayan and Vaani, a family outside of family. They were the ones to always defend her and have her back whenever they would get bullied. Later, Ayan too came out as gay, and Vaani is still questioning her sexuality, but between them three, there are never any judgements. 

Inara fell in love with their classmate Pranani when they were 14, and they dated secretly for 4 years. Pranani's mom was a teacher in the same school and had an influence in the administration. Inara looked up to Pranani's mom a lot, until they realized she was the one to deliberately put them under that math teacher, to replace her own daughter's seat and transfer her to another section. Pranani knew, and did nothing to change it. On being confronted, Pranani tried to gaslight Inara and forcefully kiss her to dissolve the situation. Soon after, Inara broke it off.

Inara always had feelings for Vaani, and they had a short fling in their college days after she confessed. It mutually ended after they realized Vaani wasn't ready to commit, and they were better off as friends.

Inara held a key position in the LGBTQ+ committee of their med university. They ran several campaigns funded by the college over the four years, in and outside of the campus, to spread awareness, as well as aid and advocate for people of the community.

Childhood obsessions timeline— (in order of which one started first, cause none ended till date).

Disney musicals, Barbie movies, Tinker Bell

Akbar-Birbal

Rabindrasangeet 

Sherlock Holmes

Western country music

Bio-chem (started early on, distinguished later, reignited at the start of their medical career)

Agatha Christie

Shakespeare

Queer fanfiction 

Diagnostics Principles :).

About the books:

Phoenix– The first book by Indradhanush, based on an NRI queer couple in California who after several life turmoils find themselves and have a happy ending that the author felt she and her then girlfriend deserved.

The blurry insides of Truth– Second book by Indradhanush, and the last published till date, about a woman whose marriage gets interrupted due to attempted murder of one of her guests on her wedding day. Her to-be husband, a CID officer, stands accused. To what lengths will she go to defend him? Is she really defending him though, or is nobody who they seem to be?

That was my entry people! I had to change the name of my MC's school, because I can't put allegations on any real and existing one.

Hope you got a good insight into the past of my dearest Inara's life.

Tagging: @openheartfanfics @adiehardfan @barbean

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Hey! re: feeling guilty buying things while on DSP [i should probably preface this w the fact that im a US expat living in ireland for only the past year so if what follows isnt relevant just feel free to ignore me lol]

My gf is on DSP welfare rn and i think the part of it weirdest for them is the cultural taboo of receiving welfare payments

I guess the thing about feeling guilty for spending the money-- at least how my gf and i discuss it-- is that the payment is usually pretty shit anyways. You didnt ask to be born into this expensive, monetized society, and all the govt can offer you is a meager allowance to exist. They'll subsidize corporations, give rich ppl tax cuts, and support landlords over tenants, but all they'll offer to the people actually struggling-- the people who actually need and deserve help-- is just crumbs by comparison.

You deserve so much more than survival-- you should be able to afford luxuries and things that make life worth living, and things to comfort your mind and body. Existing in this unequal society is taxing in and of itself. You are taking so much less from the government than any company or luxury apartment building getting subsidies or tax breaks-- and you deserve so much more than youre receiving anyways.

Sorry i didnt expect that to turn into a wall of text im just very passionate about anyone feeling guilty while on welfare or spending money in this fucked-up system we were forced into. Hopefully this wasnt too irrelevant 😅

Thank you so much for taking the time to send this to me. Really. It means an awful lot. 💕💕

I’m definitely going to try harder to be kind to myself with this and take on these positive thoughts.

I’m so glad you’re gf has someone has kind and supportive as you in her life! I have no doubt she really appreciates your big heart.

I hope you both have a beautiful and wonderful day. And thank you again for popping in! 💕💕

[camb99-cbmi6]

My top 10 Eurovision Song Contest entry songs:

So I actually started this list back last year but I'm so indecisive I couldn't settle on an order lol, but I've managed to rank my top 10 favourites now although the only one that is definite is 1 really, 2 - 10 are pretty interchangeable. I want to mention though that I only found out about Eurovision in 2014 so that was my first year, so I don't know a lot of songs before that other than a few I've seen in compilations on YouTube. I also like to see and hear the songs for the first time in the finals so I'm going by those live performances and not the studio recorded versions things like Spotify have, although those are all I can include in this post. Anyway on to the countdown starting with number 10.

10: Together - Ryan O'Shaughnessy - Ireland - 2018

I mean it's a gay love song, how can I not love it? Sure is a little sad but it's a beautiful song in my opinion and Ryan sings it lovely, and the accompanying dancers were great and not an over the top visual element like so many performances tend to be.

9: Sound of Silence - Dami Im - Australia - 2016

Another beautiful song and Dami hits those high notes perfectly, which so many people on Eurovision try and unfortunately fail to. Also another nice and simple stage performance.

8: Rhythm Inside - Loïc Nottet - Belgium - 2015

The first song in this list which I prefer the live performance to lol. Loïc singing while led down for part of it is no easy feat, plus he does an amazing ballet like spin which I love and wish I could do lmao.

7: Run Away - Sunstroke Project, Olia Tira - Moldova - 2010

You may know this one as the song with "Epic Sax Guy" lmao. I don't think it did that well in Eurovision, and to be honest I think I prefer the Spotify version, but it did get the recognition and appreciation it deserves...in memes lol. Can we also give a shoutout to the violinist though because that fast paced piece he plays at the start while being on a rotating platform is pretty amazing. Sunstroke Project also represented Moldova in 2017 with "Hey Mama" which I also like a lot and would be number 12 lol.

6: Heartbeat - Can-Linn, Kasey Smith - Ireland - 2014

Okay I have no idea how this didn't make the final, although 2014 was my first time watching Eurovision I wasn't keen on a lot of the songs, so I'll always be mad that Heartbeat wasn't one of them.

5: Spirit in the Sky - KEiiNO - Norway - 2019

I feel like people either love or hate this one lol, but personally it was one of my favourites in 2019 and came 6th.

4: Only Teardrops - Emmelie De Forest - Denmark - 2013

I don't really know what to say about this one other than I like it and think it's nice lol. It's one of those that can cheer me up if I'm having a bad day.

3: Heroes - Måns Zelmerlöw - Sweden - 2015

Okay to be honest I wasn't a fan of this one when I first watched/hears it, I felt like it won because of the fancy visual effects, but over the years it's grown on me and I do actually like the song, especially Conchita's cover.

2: Arcade - Duncan Laurence - The Netherlands - 2019

I think this was the first year since 2014 that I agreed with the winning song at the time lol, although there were a lot of entries in 2019 that I liked, but Arcade is a beautiful song sung by Duncan's beautiful voice accompanied by a beautiful less is more approach on stage and that's all the ingredients to what makes a winning song in my opinion.

1: Rise Like a Phoenix - Conchita Wurst - Austria - 2014

Okay before you come at me, yes I may be a little biased as it was my first Eurovision lol, but I loved the song and again simplicity on stage. I also felt like the song had vibes like a James Bond song which as a fan of that franchise helped me to love it, and it even inspired me to create my own video game mod where it would be used for the theme song lmao. Conchita was also the first drag queen I ever saw, and like many people I was very confused at the time (and not very supportive to be honest as much as I hate to say it, I was 14 and life was hard, not that that's an excuse to be hateful I know), but her message when she won I found very impactful and I love that she refers to the LGBTQ+ community as "The Unstoppables". I always love it when she returns in Eurovision, and I'm very glad her winning song is my all time favourite.

Thanks for reading this if you've made it this far lol, no doubt I'll be changing my mind again after this years contest (yay we're actually getting one) but I might also do some lists like "Underrated Eurovision songs in my opinion" or top 10s from each year before we get there, so if anyone would like those please let me know, and do share your thoughts too! :3

[ravencyclebigbang]

Raven Cycle Big Bang 2020 Masterlist

The 2020 Raven Cycle/Call Down The Hawk Big Bang has come to a close! 

Twenty-six teams (and some…) created a ton of great fanfic and fanart over the course of the event. When we started this event we couldn’t have known what 2020 would end up being, so our appreciation goes to all participants for being so resilient and marvellous and sticking with us until the very end.

A Big Bang is traditionally a fandom event that produces 10k+ words fan fictions and associated art, all fully complete. That’s all the reading and looking your art might desire!!!

Please make sure to show your love to all creators by commenting, kudosing and sending loving pigeons!  And stay tuned, because we might have a little Post-Bang Giveaway ready for you…

We have an Ao3 collection in case you want to filter by tags and ratings and the like. Below the cut is a full master list of the various contributions to the TRC Big Bang, so they can be browsed with ease.

Team #1: that perilous stuff (which weighs upon the heart)

Fanfic: AO3 Art: Tumblr

Writer: @saywhatjessie (tumblr)/JessJesstheBest (AO3)

Artist: @pygmypouter (tumblr)

Beta: @rroguess (tumblr)

Synopsis: “Uh, Mr. Parrish? You’d like to read for Lady Macbeth?” Adam felt his eye twitch, even while he nodded. It was true that even at an all boy’s school where boys would have had to read the female parts, Adam probably wouldn’t have normally volunteered to read Lady Macbeth. But Ronan had called him a nerd. So he was prepared to be the biggest nerd Ronan had seen. “I know what I’m about, ma’am.” Or Ronan and Adam volunteer to read for Macbeth and Lady Macbeth in class. Shenanigans ensue.

Team #2: Uncanny Omens

Fanfic: AO3 | gthechangeling Art: Tumblr | drawfulneutral Art: Tumblr

Writer: @yesterdarling (tumblr)/YesterDarling (AO3)

Artist: @gthechangeling (tumblr)

Artist: @drawfulneutral (tumblr)

Beta: ghostangel (AO3)

Synopsis: The Forces of Heaven and Hell have always assumed that the world would end. More specifically, they always assumed the world would precisely end on a Saturday evening, just a few days after the Antichrist’s birthday. The Armies are forming, the Four Horsemen have been drawn out, and the Antichrist is coming into his full power. Yet not everyone longs for Armageddon. Adam and Ronan - an Angel and Demon living in rural Virginia - most certainly don’t want it to; not when Earth has so many libations that they’ve come to enjoy. Besides, Armageddon without humans having a say in the matter wouldn’t be fair, would it? With their livelihoods and the lives of Mankind on the line, they plot to throw a wrench in the Divine Plan. It’d go far easier if anyone knew where the Antichrist was, though.

Team #3: We seek someone to sew sutures in the places where we’re torn

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @blueseyforthesoul (tumblr)/kirani (AO3)

Artist: @thecorvidrotation (tumblr)

Synopsis: Gansey isn’t the half of his soulmate pair with a name, and Blue hasn’t said anything so he doesn’t think she has his name either. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a huge crush on the cute bassist of his roommate’s band. Shenanigans ensue.

Team #4: You Better Shape Up

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: stop_whining (AO3)

Artist: @attentionhoard (tumblr)

Synopsis: A Pynch fic inspired by the classic 1978 movie/musical Grease for TRC Big Bang 2020.

Team #6: Pranks and Pups!

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Instagram

Writer: @comfy-spot (tumblr)/RandyKorn (AO3)

Artist: manao.ri (instagram)

Synopsis: The end of winter break rolls around, and Ronan finds himself stuck in a depressive episode despite the miracle of having his friends all together once again. Blue and Henry bully him into a Platonic Date Night Extraordinaire (which isn’t so platonic on Henry’s part). There’s gelato, misdemeanors, dog piles, a duck, dance parties, and even a car chase - everything necessary to force one Ronan Lynch into admitting that he’s just as deserving of love and care as the rest of them.

Team #7: In gardens all wet with rain

Fanfic: AO3 | forestgeitart Art: Tumblr | purrsnicket Art: Tumblr

Writer: @magicienetreveur (tumblr)/hollyanneg (AO3)

Artist: @forestgeitart (tumblr)

Artist: @purrsnicket (tumblr)

Beta: @semicolonsandsimiles (tumblr)

Synopsis: In a land where magic is real, Ronan spends most of his time hiding from it in the palace gardens, where he’d once met a boy who could tell the future. There’s love letters, a masquerade ball, and an evil plot to be foiled.

Team #8: The Waiting Game

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @inoctavo (tumblr)/inoctavo (AO3)

Artist: @lenaisanerd (tumblr)

Beta: @emjenenla (tumblr)

Synopsis: When all they can do is wait, Declan’s mind catastrophizes… then tries to plan for them. It’s a good recipe to make more problems when everyone’s gone around the emotional ringer. Featuring existential crises, denial, tough decisions, Declan meeting Opal for the first time, and Jordan painting Declan like one of her French girls.

Team #9: if love is just a game (then how come it’s no fun)

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @toast-the-unknowing (tumblr)/shinealightonme (AO3)

Artist: @rroguess (tumblr)

Synopsis: Ronan probably shouldn’t have sworn at the stranger he runs into leaving Gansey’s favorite hipster coffee shop. Blue probably shouldn’t have tracked down Adam’s soulmate without his permission. But they did, and now all four of their lives are tangled up together, whether they like it or not.

Team #10: Strange as Angels

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @skyermirth (tumblr)/skyermirth (AO3)

Artist: @squash1-squash2 (tumblr)

Beta: @galwaygremlin (tumblr)

Synopsis: Adam takes a job for the summer as Caretaker of the Barns, which local legend says is haunted. Adam soon finds out this is true when he meets the resident “ghost,” who isn’t very scary with his mohawk and grouchy demeanor but romantic heart. Falling in love with a ghost was not what Adam had planned for his summer. (Loosely based on the 1947 movie “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir”.)

Team #11: Dream Killer

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @attentionhoard (tumblr)/mvsic_bxxks_stvdy (AO3)

Artist: @sinplaytheartist (tumblr)

Synopsis: Ronan Lynch is a man with extraordinary talents. If he can bring a living, breathing bird from a dream, what’s stopping him from bringing his best friend back from the grave? But some challenges are too great for one dreamer alone.

Team #12: Bread & Circuses

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Instagram

Writer: @galwaygremlin (tumblr)/okay_pretender (AO3)

Artist: crystaline_art (instagram)

Beta: @inoctavo (tumblr)

Team #14: Ag iarraidh forais i bhfodhomhain

Fanfic: AO3 | forestgeit Art: Tumblr | homunculiii Art: Tumblr

Writer: @semicolonsandsimiles (tumblr)/semicolonsandsimiles (AO3)

Artist: @forestgeitart (tumblr)

Artist: @homunculiii (tumblr)

Beta: @g-reywaren (tumblr)/applepi314 (AO3)

Synopsis: Adam is more surprised that he came to Ireland at all than he is to find a doorway to the Otherworld. When Persephone gives you cryptic predictions about your future, you’re almost certainly about to stumble into some magic. And for all his exterior bluster, Ronan seems almost relieved to have someone to visit Tír na nÓg with. But things turn complicated quickly when, during what was supposed to be a quick trip through the doorway, they encounter Ronan’s little brother - who is definitely human and definitely in New York. When Adam ends up back in Ireland long term, he finds himself increasingly entangled in the magic of the Lynch bookshop, the Lynch family lore, and one Lynch in particular.

Team #15: See You Later Alligator

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Instagram

Writer: @crostiina (tumblr)/crostiina (AO3)

Artist: fricklefracklefloof (instagram)

Beta: @creativefiend19 (tumblr)

Synopsis: “Adam.” he read out loud, because he didn’t know what else to do, because he was bad at conversation yet he definitely felt the need to say something.

He thought Adam was going to be even more annoyed and tell him off for being there and close and talking to him. He didn’t know why he did, maybe it was just that night messing with him, maybe it was just him never feeling right anywhere he went. Adam just shrugged.

“Told you I wasn’t Janine.”

Graduation year, Ronan Lynch is wasting his time with horrible friends and too many vices. Things change when he meets Adam Parrish, local (apparently) sane person and ambitious soul working the graveyard shift at a gas station’s market as he waits for acceptance letters to come. Somehow, they both happen to become the best part of the other person’s day.

Team #17: weekends are for the dogs

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @royai (tumblr)/rizahawkaye (AO3)

Artist: @cheeriosnuggles (tumblr)

Synopsis: Ronan Lynch - fresh off the loss of his father, the truth of his Dreams - has so much to learn about himself, about Dreamers, about Niall, and about the black-coated wolf that tears its way through Henrietta.

Team #18: primavera

Fanfic: AO3 | Tumblr: Art

Writer: @manonblaccbeak (tumblr)/Imnotweirdjustwriting (AO3)

Artist: @gthechangeling (tumblr)

Beta: @pnrrish (tumblr)

Synopsis: the rebirth of Adam through art

OR: a renaissance AU featuring the gangsey

Team #19: trouble is (i don’t wanna let go)

Fanfic: AO3 | gouachemole Art: Tumblr | ladvy Art: Tumblr

Writer: @adverbialstarlight (tumblr)/adverbialstarlight (AO3)

Artist: @gouachemole (tumblr)

Artist: @ladvy (tumblr)

Beta: @violettfemme (tumblr)

Synopsis: It’s been two years since Henrietta’s infamous supervillain, Apothecary, disappeared from the streets and left the beloved hero Greywaren alone without his nemesis – and former secret lover. But now he’s back and determined, this time to team up and save the city from an even larger threat.

aka a pynch superhero au

Team #21: Love in the Time of Socialism

Fanfic: AO3 | Art 1: Tumblr | Art 2: Tumblr

Writer: @oldkingyounggod (tumblr)/aurumdalseni (AO3)

Artist: @effwit (tumblr)

Beta: @crostiina (tumblr)

Synopsis: This is a story about a magician with a terrible history. The death of Adam Parrish’s father after he leaves for college means a chance at closure with that part of his life, but he’s not on the journey alone. At his side is a king, whose loyalty never faltered, no matter how much the world threw at them, or how many times they couldn’t agree on how to live their lives. This is also the story of a dreamer, who loved his best friends so much that he didn’t dare risk losing them by asking for something they couldn’t give. So kisses that could have been became kisses that never were, and Ronan Lynch tells himself he’ll make his home a place they can return to. They’ll all come together again for Adam, even fierce little Blue Sargent, so he doesn’t have to face his past alone. And while he works at closing those doors, he’ll make his way into places where all the love Adam, Ronan and Gansey have built up over the years will finally have the space to bloom.

Team #22: we will raze this earth together

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @teddylupin (tumblr)/perfect-porcelain (AO3)

Artist: @kojotei (tumblr)

Synopsis: Ronan is the heir to the Cabeswater throne, a mythical place that was thought to be lost to time. He is the only one of the late King Niall’s son to inherit the royal ability to shift into a dragon. He doesn’t want the throne. In his attempt to escape, he is captured and brought to the kingdom of Henrietta where the court magician, Adam is tasked with attempting to communicate with him, only Adam doesn’t know he has a human form. All Adam sees is the beautiful monstrosity that is Ronan.

Team #24: Heavy lies the head

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @tinyarmedtrex (tumblr)/tinyarmedtrex (AO3)

Artist: @non-platonic-murphamy (tumblr)

Beta: @waywardsoul-s (tumblr)

Synopsis: Adam can’t stand the court magician, Ronan, but when his King sends the two of them on a quest Adam has no choice but to learn to work with the other man.

Team #25: A voice inside me sang your name

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @maskingfragility (tumblr)/Fata_Morgana (AO3)

Artist: @pank0 (tumblr)

Beta: @campbraceyourself (tumblr)

Synopsis: Adam Parrish has recently gotten engaged, he works for a prestigious law firm in DC and he is about to be made partner. His life is millions miles away from the trailer park in Henrietta, he has accomplished all he has ever wanted, so when the call of an ancient, magical forest starts resonating inside him he is faced not just with his past, but with the possibility that his present is not what he really wants.

Team #27: Life is a Fucking Nightmare

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @sterlynwrites (tumblr)/sterlynsilverrose (AO3)

Artist: @sinplaytheartist (tumblr)

Synopsis: We’ve All Read “Dream Thieves” at this point.

All the reader sees is the end of the nightmare of Joseph Kavinsky. But, what we don’t really see is exactly what leads up to that. This is an unapologetic look at Joseph Kavinsky and his daily life. It gives weight to the words:

“Life is a fucking nightmare.”

Team #31: The Creation of Adam

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @pynches (tumblr)/clawsnbeak (AO3)

Artist: @purrsnicket (tumblr)

Beta: glam_reaper2 (AO3)

Synopsis: When Ronan Lynch enrolled in art school just to mess with his brother, he never thought he would actually be good at it. Now, with only a few months left before he is supposed to graduate, he has to turn in one of the biggest art pieces yet. Enter Adam Parrish, a poor student who wouldn’t say no to some extra money. When he saw an advertisement on Craigslist looking for a model to help with an art project, he didn’t hesitate to react. Working together seemed easy enough but there might be more between them than they bargained for.

Team #34: The Royal Treatment

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @oldguybones (tumblr/Oldguybones (AO3)

Artist: @the-ronan-cycle (tumblr)

Synopsis: When Adam Parrish turned eighteen, he became the rightful heir to rule his home country of Henrietta. For years, he looked forward to taking over the nightmarish reign of his father and make the changes he wanted to see. But there was a huge problem. To officially hold the title, he first must wed and his foul mouthed, farm hand boyfriend, Ronan Lynch, knew nothing about royalty. Adam knew though, that there was no one better to rule by his side. So he must teach Ronan how to behave in the face of royalty without changing what he loved so dearly about him.

With time running out, will he be able to do that in time to gain the current King’s approval?

Team #38: and could you carry me through no man’s land

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @mletart (tumblr)/mletart (AO3)

Artist: @wy-mackk (tumblr)

Beta: @stadamparrish (tumblr)

Synopsis: For The Raven Cycle 2020 Big Bang

In which Ronan Lynch gets himself into trouble with the High Council and Adam Parrish ends up taking Ronan on as his familiar. Adam learns the secrets of the Lynch family, and they both learn about magic and about each other. It goes a lot better than either of them would have expected at the start.

Team #39: Weirdos’ Voices

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr

Writer: @flyde (tumblr)/parttimehuman (AO3)

Artist: @shamanda-lie (tumblr)

Synopsis: Without ever having seen the guy, Ronan is crushing hard on one of the construction workers renovating his building. Sitting against the door to his apartment, listening to the beautiful voice and oddly entertaining ramblings of a certain Ganseyboy, Ronan wonders what it would be like if they ever met. It happens when he least expects it…

Team #40: the first problem was putting us in charge of a kingdom

Fanfic: AO3 | Art: Tumblr 

Writer: @bipolarronanlynchevangelist (tumblr)/elliptical (AO3)

Artist: @turqidoodles (tumblr)/Turq_I (AO3)

Synopsis: Ronan Lynch loses control of his magic, which is the catalyst for a lot of shit, because he’s the first proven user of chaos magic in… basically ever. Gansey’s trying to be a good king despite his fears that there may be no such thing. Adam Parrish works beside him, earning his terrifying reputation through psychic study and occasional gray morality. Blue Sargent can’t leave her home or she’ll sicken and die, and her wanderlust is driving her to seek less-than-sensible solutions. Noah Czerny knows a lot about healing, but he’s not omnipotent, and he’s a little tired of being asked to clean up everyone else’s messes. Declan Lynch doesn’t trust the crown. He especially doesn’t trust the crown with his little brother. Mysteriously, all of this leads to rather a lot of conflict.

[ollieofthebeholder]

leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

Tumblr tag || Also on AO3.

Chapter 38: Statement of Kieran Blackwood, regarding...choice. Recorded direct from subject, twenty-fifth of March, 1997.

[CLICK]

KEEPER

When did you start using these for official statements?

GERTRUDE

If this were official, I would have you write it down. Most of the people who come in with a statement simply fill out the forms provided by the Institute.

KEEPER

So why not have me write it down? Why bother to listen?

GERTRUDE

Because I suspect that what you’re about to say would be…unwise to add to the Archives.

KEEPER

It’s not related to that statement, if that’s what you’re getting at.

GERTRUDE

I don’t think it is, no.

But I do think that, whatever it is that brought you here, it may not be something that needs to be available to everyone. I’ve begun recently making audio recordings of statements that I want my research to be…private, shall we say?

KEEPER

Or we could say “secret”.

GERTRUDE

(heh) Fair enough. Any live statements that I feel could be…useful, to myself or my successor if need be, go on the tapes as well. In this case, I suspect it may be both.

KEEPER

You may not be wrong.

GERTRUDE

Besides. I don’t know that I’ve ever had another…devotee of one of the Powers walk in off the street and offer me a statement. Call it curiosity.

KEEPER

I can certainly assuage that, Trudy.

GERTRUDE

Don’t call me that.

KEEPER

Sorry. Occupational hazard.

I’m sure you know how that goes by now.

GERTRUDE

I suppose I do.

Statement of Kieran Blackwood, regarding…

KEEPER

Choice.

GERTRUDE

Recorded direct from subject, twenty-fifth of March, 1997. Where would you like to start?

KEEPER

At the beginning, I suppose.

KEEPER (STATEMENT)

As long as there have been lighthouses in England and Ireland, there’s been a Blackwood manning at least one, probably dating back to the Dover Castle in Kent and leading all the way down to my father. My earliest memory is of him holding me as we stood on the railing, the beacon flashing across the night-darkened sea, keeping safe any ships that might be sailing by. He took his responsibility seriously, and so did I. I remember telling my best mate, a boy whose family lived next door to where Ma and I lived, that I was going to be a keeper myself one day. He asked how I knew, and I told him it was what we Blackwoods always did.

I told Dad that, too, and he took me on his knee and explained a few things. He said the Blackwoods had always been lighthouse keepers, not because we wanted to, but because we had to. He said I was going to be starting school in the fall and that I was a bright lad, so I’d have choices he never had. He told me he wanted me to do the best I could, and that when the time came, I could choose to be a keeper if I wanted, but it had to be my choice.

He died that winter. There was a bad ice storm, and while he was scraping the glass clear, he forgot to shield his eyes when the light came around. It blinded him, and he lost his balance and fell. Hit the rocks at the base. They found him washed up on shore the next morning. Ma took poorly and was in bed for a few days when we got the news, and I went to stay with my best mate until she could get up, but she never quite recovered. I was afraid Ma would want to move back to Ireland where her family was, but she said we had roots too deep in the Bournemouth soil to leave it now. Wasn’t until years later that I found out how little money we had—we couldn’t afford to leave. Then again, if Grandmother hadn’t left us her house, we wouldn’t have been able to afford to stay.

I still wanted to be a lighthouse keeper, but by the time I was ready for the eleven-plus, I knew I couldn’t. For one thing, Ma got into hysterics any time I mentioned it—like it would somehow be more dangerous than anything else I could have done, just because it killed Dad—but for another, they were beginning to automate lighthouses by then. Every year there were fewer and fewer jobs, and I’d have been lucky to get one. My grades were all right, but I knew I wouldn’t pass any of the tests needed to be a keeper.

If I couldn’t do that, I decided, I’d do something on the sea. My best mate and I used to play at pirates some when we were little, and we talked about doing that, but of course you couldn’t really do that. We thought about the Navy, too, but we agreed that whatever we would do, we would do it together. By the time we were sixteen, though, I knew I wouldn’t make him. He was smart, top of our class. I barely scraped by with a pass. So we made another deal, him and I. I’d go into trade, learn to sail, to fish, and he’d go on with his education, get a degree in business. Together, we’d build our own fishing company, go out together. Someday, we said, we’d have our own business, a business we could hand down to our sons if we wanted, if they wanted.

I found a job with a fishing crew. Deep-sea stuff, extended voyages. The money was good, so I could take care of Ma and save up a bit, too. And winters were my own, so I could spend them at home. I was a bit of an outcast among the crew, though, and not just because of my age. Even when they were together, they were silent and…distant. The captain was one of the owner’s sons, so of course he was too high and mighty to talk to any of us, but I always felt like he was…watching me. Like I’d disappointed him, even though I did everything right. I felt sometimes like I was the only one with connections on shore—not just Ma, but Walt. We were right close. Looking back…there might’ve been more there than we ever admitted, but it just wasn’t done.

Then I met Liliana.

Walt introduced us. Actually, he was just starting to date Sarah at the time and they needed a fourth for dinner, so Sarah invited her along. I won’t say it was love at first sight…truth be told, I won’t say there was ever love. I’m still not sure Lily’s actually capable of feeling positive emotions towards other people, to be honest. But we had some of the same interests, then. We both liked to dance, we liked the same books, the same foods. She introduced me to her father just before I went out that year, and the old boy and I hit it off, so when I got back in the winter we started keeping company again.

Ma died in January, and Lily came to the funeral, which I appreciated. The four of us got a bit drunk that night, and…well. I was getting ready for the next salmon run when she told me she was in the family way. I was just considering my options when Walt called and asked if I thought the crew could use another sailor, because Sarah was expecting, too. He was leaving school immediately—they needed the money.

I—I couldn’t let him join the crew. It felt like a waste, and I knew he’d want to be there for Sarah and the baby…and I kind of hoped he’d be there for Lily and mine, too, since I couldn’t be. Besides…something about Captain Lukas gave me the creeps. I wouldn’t willingly subject anyone I loved to to that. Luckily, my father-in-law had just mentioned to me that he needed a general handyman about the place. The pay was just as good, and Lily and I had made our home base not far away, so it seemed perfect. We had a quick double wedding, and I went out with the fishing run.

She gave birth right after I got home. We were a bit early back that year, come to think of it, but at the time it never occurred to me that there was anything odd about that; we’d hit quota, that was all. I didn’t love Lily, I told you that, but my God, when that doctor laid the baby in my arms and told me “it’s a boy”, I fell in love then and there. Walt’s boy was born about a month later. There’s a picture somewhere of the two of us, sitting on Alastair’s porch, rocking a pair of sleeping babes and talking.

At least, I hope it still exists somewhere. Brings me comfort thinking it does.

Walt died right when he said he would, three weeks before the fishing run started. The three of us went to the funeral, but Sarah screamed at Alastair before it even started. Accused him of killing her husband.

GERTRUDE

I can’t imagine—

KEEPER

Oh, it wasn’t. Complete accident. The old man wasn’t even home at the time, he’d taken the boys to a science exhibition of some kind. And I’m the one who found him, come to that. Sarah was just hurting and needed someone to blame. But it ended with her ordering us to leave. The look on Walt’s boy’s face when I pried mine away from him and said we had to go is one that still comes to me when I’m having trouble sleeping.

KEEPER (STATEMENT)

My boy and I got a lot closer after that. That boy was my world. My light. The beacon that drew me back to shore. I started calling him Wickie before he could talk. Lily hated that nickname, but then, she hated a lot of things.

She—she wasn’t strong. I don’t mean her health, necessarily, although I know it was a hard pregnancy and that’s when her troubles started. I mean her mind. It was so—easy for her to give into despair. We’d never been close, but we got further and further apart every year. We’d probably have fought more often than we did, but I wouldn’t put Wickie through that. Instead, I’d absent myself. That didn’t help.

Plans. Choices. They never go the way we mean them to.

I gave it one last chance, and it’s one I’ll probably regret to my dying day. The Lukases have a Christmas gala every year, but you have to be an officer on a vessel or serve fifteen voyages before you get an invitation. Suppose it’s to make sure you’re loyal enough to deserve it, but maybe it’s also to make sure you know the rules. I don’t know. The year Wickie turned eight was my fifteenth year with the crew, so I got the invite. It included the whole family. Lily was actually enthusiastic about it, but…she didn’t want to bring Wickie. Said he wouldn’t behave. I—I’m the one that insisted on giving him the choice. Of course he said he wanted to come.

I wish I hadn’t let him.

There were no other children there. That should have been my first clue something was wrong. None of the other sailors even had spouses or sweethearts. I was the only person besides the Lukases themselves who actually brought my family. Maybe the only one who had a family to bring.

I talked Lily into a dance or two. We used to like it, once, and for a song or two it seemed like we’d got back…well. It didn’t last. She said she was tired and wanted a drink. I found her a seat at a table where she and someone from the shipping side of the company could ignore each other and went to fetch her something, and I was looking around for Wickie. I—I found him, eventually. He was off to one side, looking scared, looking…lost. One of the Lukases—Peter—was talking to him. He seemed perfectly friendly, but I could see the fog rolling off him, threatening to engulf my boy. Didn’t seem to be anyone else who could see it, or maybe everyone was just ignoring it. He reached forward to tuck a curl behind Wickie’s ear, and the fog curled that much closer.

I admit I had a bit of a reputation for fighting when I was in school. Never unprovoked, mind you, but…well, between the fact that I was half-Irish and the fact that my best mate was darker than some people liked, I got in my share. I don’t have a temper, but I do have a protective streak a mile wide, and I’m not above acting on it.

As you might imagine, breaking your boss’s son’s nose isn’t exactly the sort of thing that looks good to your employers. I got Wickie and Lily and we left then. Took me the better part of the next week to convince Wickie it wasn’t his fault I’d got in a fight, but it rather put a damper on our Christmas. At the beginning of January, I got a rather terse letter from the Lukases telling me I’d not be welcomed back to the crew.

I…I didn’t tell Lily. I certainly didn’t tell Wickie. Lily was starting to get sick, I couldn’t have told you what it was, but we needed an income and now all we were getting was the bit she picked up at the tailor’s when they needed her. I was desperate to try and come up with something, anything, but nobody was hiring. I swear to you I was about three days away from coming to you and asking if you’d take on a new assistant when there was a knock on our front door one foggy night.

(heh) The fog should have been the clue, really, but it wasn’t, and like a fool, I opened the door. Peter Lukas was standing there. I almost shut the door in his face, but he told me he felt bad about me losing my post on the crew. Said my boy deserved better than an unemployed father, and he was there with an offer. Against my better judgment, I listened.

His family owned a lighthouse, he said. One it was important to keep lit, but just then it was without a keeper. He wanted to offer me the position.

I didn’t believe what I was hearing for a minute. The idea of actually getting my childhood dream after all…and from someone I had every reason to hate? I knew there had to be a catch, so I asked, and I was right. Peter told me it was a stag station, meaning no families; Wickie and his mother would have to stay.

I—I laughed. I asked him how big a fool I thought he was. I’d already told him once to stay away from my boy, and if I wasn’t there, what was to stop him from going after him? Peter took the contract out of his pocket and showed me a clause that explicitly said he would stay away from my son, as long as I kept the light. He gave me the paperwork and told me to think it over, and if I was interested, to sign it and send it back and it would all be taken care of, but warned me I’d have to leave by the time the season started.

That night, with Lily and Wickie both asleep upstairs, I read over that contract with a fine-toothed comb. It all seemed airtight. The pay was decent, enough to keep up with Lily’s medical bills at least, and the tasks were exactly what I would have expected. It wasn’t until I got to those last clauses that I realized what the catch was. It explicitly stated that the Lukases would stay away from Wickie as long as I held the position—but it also stated that I had to do the same. Should either one of us break the taboo and talk to him, it would be fair game for the other to do the same.

I didn’t have much time to think about it. The season was only a week away. I thought about asking Alastair, but I knew what he’d say—not to have anything to do with anyone tied to those things. He’d never been thrilled I worked for the Lukases anyway, but at least before I’d had some distance. This was…worse, somehow. I thought about taking Wickie and absconding in the night, but—but I couldn’t do that. He’s smart, Trudy, he can do so much, and I knew if we were on the run he’d lose so many opportunities.

There was only one choice, in the end. I signed the contract and mailed it off.

The night I left was the night I would normally have left for the fishing run, so I just…let Wickie think that was where I was going. Went through our usual routine. We had alphabet soup and cherry preserves for dinner, then I tucked him in and sang the old sea shanty I always sang the night before I left, to put him to sleep. Once he was asleep, I went downstairs to talk to Lily.

I won’t repeat the things I said to her. Suffice it to say I made sure she knew I wouldn’t be back, and…I let her believe that it was what she’d accused me of before. That I was leaving because of her, because I didn’t want to deal with her and her issues anymore. I left that night knowing I’d well and truly burned that bridge behind me.

Peter Lukas met me at the docks. We didn’t speak. Ignoring all the ships preparing to go out, we went down to the shore and began to walk, silently, until all others had faded away and it was just us, the sand, the waves, and the grey of the pre-dawn sky. And then…there was a door. An old oak door with a brass knob, supported by no structure, standing on the beach and waiting. Peter stopped, pointed at it, and said, simply, “The door to the Light.”

I didn’t ask questions. The time for questions was past. It was my last chance to choose differently…but even if I hadn’t signed that contract, I don’t think I could have chosen to do other than what I did. I shouldered my bag, took a deep breath, and strode through the door.

And I took up my duties as the Keeper of the Light.

It has no name. It needs no name. It’s just…the Light. Fifteen feet in diameter, made of brown stone, it stands on a mountain overlooking, not the sea, but a desert. A vast, impenetrable desert, with nothing as far as the eye can see. The beacon it shines over this desert is not white, but red, bathing the sands periodically in light the color of blood.

The first day I was there, I did an inventory. There were all the things I remembered my father having when I was a wee nipper, things I only vaguely remembered the purpose of, but I knew I’d learn quickly. I’d been told the light would be fully equipped at all times, and it was. The oil was full, there were plenty of fresh wicks, and all the tools were in perfect working order. There was a single bed, big enough for a single man to sleep, although not particularly comfortably. There was a table with one chair. There was one plate, one bowl, one cup, one fork and spoon and knife. The cupboards, I had been assured, were fully provisioned, but I wasn’t yet hungry, so I went to look at the rest of the light.

There were no windows, but there were pictures on almost every wall, each one framed in a different frame. Each picture looked like it was a windowpane, which I thought odd. Then I looked in one, and I couldn’t hold back a gasp. It was a window all right, and one I knew. It was looking into Wickie’s bedroom. I could see him, as clearly as if I was right there, hair rumpled with sleep, looking absolutely devastated. Lily was standing there, too, holding a picture in one hand. I think it was the photograph of the two of us he keeps on his nightstand. She must have been taking it away.

It hurt. I looked away and went to look at another picture. There was a little boy in it, looking—terrified. Upset. Like he wanted to cry or scream but didn’t know if he was allowed. He was reaching a hand out towards a house, where a young man was looking into an open door. He looked like something inside had caught him off-guard, and—something dark, something inside, was reaching out like it was going to grab him. There were cobwebs in all the corners, but they were part of the picture.

For a moment, I didn’t know why it was there—but then I gasped again. I recognized the boy, or thought I did. It looked like Walt, exactly like Walt had at that age. Then—then I saw the eyes. Walt’s eyes were blue, a bright, bright blue that outshone the ocean. This boy’s were a warm and guileless brown. Like Sarah’s. This was Walt’s boy.

The pictures aren’t static. They aren’t of things that were. I realized that as the days, weeks, went on. They change from time to time. I’ll see Wickie working away on his knitting, or Walt’s boy curled up with a book, or one of them standing outside and looking at the sky. It lets me…keep an eye on them, I suppose. But it aches. It’s the ache of separation and loneliness. I can’t look at them too often.

The only place to see out is from the railing around the light. It looks out over the desert, and from there, I can see everything. Doors appear periodically, more old oak doors with brass knobs supported by no structures. They never last long. Sometimes people stumble through them, and then the doors disappear. The people wander the desert. Their paths cross all the time, or go alongside one another, but they never talk, they never see. Each person in the desert believes themselves to be alone.

I can hear them sometimes. I hear them talking, desperately reaching out. They’re all looking for someone, all missing someone. They run for the doors when they see them, but they don’t always make it, and they don’t always see them. I wondered about those doors, about where they led…at first.

Three months in, I found out.

I was doing a perimeter check of the lighthouse, around midday. A door appeared, just in front of me. I walked closer to it, and it didn’t move. For me, the doors stay. I hesitated, then grasped the knob and opened it. The room beyond was dark, the hands of the clock indicating it to be later in the evening than I knew it to be where I was. Time doesn’t move the same way there, I supposed. Then I realized where I was. I was in Wickie’s bedroom. He was curled up asleep, having a nightmare, poor thing. I wanted to go over and comfort him. I’d actually taken half a step over the threshold when I stopped, when I remembered.

Choices.

I had the choice to go in, to see my boy, to hold him and let him know I loved him and would never stop. But if I did—if I do—then Peter Lukas can get at him. He’s so young, I know the—I know they don’t normally go for children, but…I worry. I can’t risk opening that door.

They keep appearing. More and more frequently. And now…the more attuned I am to the Light, the more I know what I’ll find on the other side. And it’s hard not to go through.

I can redirect them. Sometimes. Or maybe I can just open another one. One every…well. To me it’s one a year. But that’s the thing. As I said, time doesn’t move the same way in the desert that it does everywhere else. It’s been about a year, as far as you’re concerned, since I signed that contract and took the job. For me? It’s been more like ten. But I can a door and let it take me wherever I want. I’ve done it when the temptation is too strong. The last time was Christmas. (sighs) Wickie started in chorus this year. His first concert…I could have gone. Could have stayed in the back of the room, maybe, and just listened, just seen him. But what constitutes contact, what violates the contract? I couldn’t risk it. So I did the next best thing. I opened a door and went to Bournemouth and saw Walt’s boy. Didn’t talk, didn’t tell him who I was. Just stood on the shore next to him for a while. I wanted to…but I didn’t.

I don’t even know if he remembers. I couldn’t hurt him by giving him more memories. That would just make the loneliness worse when I did leave.

GERTRUDE

And you used one of these doors to come here.

KEEPER

That I did.

GERTRUDE

Why?

KEEPER

Thought you’d want to know. Honestly, I half didn’t expect to see you here. I assumed I’d have to wait for you, but your assistant—what was his name? The one that looks like he’s about twelve?

GERTRUDE

Michael.

KEEPER

Michael, aye. He told me you were in. Suppose it gets down to time being weird again.

How was it?

GERTRUDE

How was…what?

KEEPER

The funeral.

…You did go, didn’t you? Come on, Trudy, I know you’re all about keeping your past away from your present, but—

GERTRUDE

Don’t call me that. What are you talking about? What funeral?

KEEPER

Gertrude. What was Tuesday?

GERTRUDE

…My God.

KEEPER

Aye.

Lily wouldn’t be pleased to see me. Or you, for that matter. But Wickie…Lily’s making it all about herself, I’m sure. You know how she can be. I just…I hoped if I gave you my statement, you’d at least look in on him for me.

At least make sure he’s okay.

GERTRUDE

I…I’ll see what I can do.

[CLICK]

———

[CLICK]

GERTRUDE

Final thoughts.

Well. I…I don’t know what to think. This is…useful information to have regarding the Lonely. And I’ll certainly be on the lookout for any old oak doors with brass fittings. But as for the rest…

I checked. Alastair Koskiewicz’s funeral was today, and I believe I have missed it. But I may be able to at least pay my respects. I will have to be discreet if I do. Lily made it very clear she wants nothing to do with me, and I have done my best to respect that. And I know I am…observed more often than I would like. The last thing I want is to draw anyone’s attention to Martin.

I don’t think I should tell him who I am.

And, since the Keeper’s statement mentioned it…I listened to Walter Sims’ statement again, and the dates he gave for both his own death and Alastair’s match exactly. I believe I will make one last attempt at reaching out to the Stoker family, especially now that Daniel will have been born. Perhaps they’ll be more likely to listen now. I don’t know what precautions they can take, but…they should (heh) at least have the choice. At the very least, perhaps they’ll be prepared when the time comes.

[CLICK]

———

[CLICK]

[STUNNED SILENCE, BROKEN ONLY BY THE SOUNDS OF SOMEONE—PROBABLY PAST MARTIN—STRUGGLING NOT TO CRY]

TIM

…Fuck.

PAST ARCHIVIST

I-I didn’t…I had no…oh, God.

PAST MARTIN

(tearfully) W-Walter Sims…was—was that—?

PAST ARCHIVIST

My father.

He—I never knew he—gave a statement. Or that he…

Was that the grandfather you told us about?

PAST MARTIN

Yeah.

[PAST MARTIN MAKES A SOUND—A LAUGH? A SOB? BOTH?]

Guess that explains the cherry thing, huh?

PAST ARCHIVIST

(softly) I guess so.

TIM

So—hah, so you two knew each other?

PAST MARTIN

I-I mean, we were two. That was…that was a long time ago. I didn’t—

PAST ARCHIVIST

No. Neither did I, I—

[FABRIC RUSTLES, A STARTLED “OOMPH” FROM SOMEONE WHO CLEARLY WASN’T EXPECTING AN ATTACK HUG]

PAST MARTIN

Sorry, I’m so sorry, I—

PAST ARCHIVIST

No, Martin, it’s not your fault, it’s—it’s not your fault.

It’s not your fault.

TIM

That statement…your dad’s statement. Do—do you think it’s…in here somewhere?

PAST ARCHIVIST

I don’t—I don’t know.

Basira, she, she said she got as many as she could. There might be some that—I don’t know, Tim.

PAST MARTIN

(uncertainly) W-we could—we could look?

PAST ARCHIVIST

Yes. Yes, if—if you could do that, that would…

I’m sorry. I-I need to—I’ll be right back.

TIM

Jon. Be careful, okay?

PAST ARCHIVIST

I’m just going outside. I’ll be fine.

[CLICK]

———

[CLICK]

[MUFFLED SOUNDS OF THE STREET]

PAST ARCHIVIST

(muttering to himself) …won’t be sensible…I know he worries, they both do. Last thing I need to do is make that worse, but God, after that—

BREEKON

‘Scuse us.

HOPE

Jonathan Sims?

PAST ARCHIVIST

Yeah, wh—? Oh, sh—

[THE PAST ARCHIVIST WHEEZES AND COUGHS AS THE WIND IS KNOCKED OUT OF HIM]

BREEKON

Miss Orsinov wants to see you.

HOPE

Says she changed her mind.

PAST ARCHIVIST

No, please, I—

[VAN DOOR SLIDES OPEN,  A LOUD THUNK AS THE PAST ARCHIVIST IS SHOVED INSIDE]

[DOORS CLOSE AND ENGINE STARTS]

PAST ARCHIVIST

Oh, God.

[CLICK]

———

[CLICK]

[HIGH HEELS CLICKING ACROSS A HARDWOOD FLOOR]

ELIAS/JONAH

Ah—Sasha.

[FOOTSTEPS STOP]

SASHA

Yes?

ELIAS/JONAH

Coming back from lunch?

SASHA

…Yes?

ELIAS/JONAH

I’m a bit busy today, so I don’t really have time to get down to the Archives. Please let Tim and Martin know that Jon will be out for a few days.

SASHA

…Sure.

Is…everything all right?

ELIAS/JONAH

Perfectly.

I just have something I need for him to do. It might take some time. I’m sure he’ll explain everything when he gets back, but meanwhile, do make sure your colleagues stay on task, will you? No doubt you have a lot to work on.

SASHA

Yeah, of course. We’ll keep things running smoothly while he’s gone.

ELIAS/JONAH

Thank you, Sasha. I knew I could count on you.

(under his breath) Reliable old Sasha.

SASHA

…Thank you.

[FOOTSTEPS RESUME, CHANGE TO A SLIGHTLY MORE HOLLOW SOUND AS IF SOMEONE IS WALKING DOWN STEPS, SLOW TO A STOP]

[SOUND OF NUMBERS BEING DIALED ON A PHONE]

[THREE TONES]

AUTOMATED INTERCEPT MESSAGE

The number you have reached is not currently in service. Please hang up and try again.

SASHA

Shit.

[CLICK]