#girl’s just so used to this tbh when is leaf boy *not* having some sort of existential crisis

[gh0st-eaterr]

when brain sad, Floor Time

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 76-79

Chapter 76

Andi has a nice little poetic nightmare. It’s irrelevant. The next morning has the girls preparing for the ball, complete with dresses and makeup.

Some things to note include Lira saying that in Adhiran religion (which is global, I guess), one has to mourn for three days before “letting” the souls of the dead pass on into ... everything.

Andi tries to say that it’ll take time to heal from it all, but Lira is having none of it.

“It will take time to move past what happened on Adhira,” Andi started, but Lira held up a hand.

“My three days of mourning have passed. Lon’s and my aunt’s, too. Now we, and the others who lost loved ones during the attack, must give the lost spirits to the stars, to the trees, to the wind.”

Which basically means that she’s done feeling bad about the unexpected and brutal attack on her home planet, so that’s convenient. Well, if one of our main characters doesn’t care about her people getting senselessly murdered, then why should we?

She also lets us know that her aunt has fixed up the Marauder and brought it here, because of course. Lira wants to arrange for Lon to be transferred to the Marauder, and though she has a logical reason for it (taking him home personally), it’s only a setup so we know why he’s on there at the end of the book when Andi’s bleeding out and needs a universal donor.

Spoilers, I guess.

Andi’s mother, Glorya, intercepts Andi as she tries to leave her crew to their makeover montages, just so we can move into a scene where her mom is brushing her hair and babbling on about gossip and vapid high society stuff.

But Andi, of course, gets lost in a flashback that’s so amateurishly written it’s honestly embarrassing and only highlights Shinsay’s helpless reliance on flashbacks as a storytelling device.

Observe:

Her words faded away as memories took their place. Andi lost herself to them.

The whole flashback is written in italics for some inexplicable reason, even though it would’ve been fine as just regular text since we’re clearly told what’s happening now and what’s a memory.

Also, there’s one bit where the memory “fast-forwards” to a different one. Shinsay, this isn’t a fucking movie. This isn’t a screenplay. What the fuck are you DOING.

The flashback and the mother’s inane babbling are all there to illustrate how vapid and brainless Glorya is and how she only ever cared about her status and not about her kid. Glorya pretends that everything is back to the way it was but Andi curses her out for abandoning her when she needed them most and how “the way it was” was actually always shit.

I mean it’s fine. It’s all right. I see what they’re going for, it’s melodramatic as all fuck but it works for what they’re trying to do? I can see this as being a realistic way for an emotionally neglectful family to look like. I wish it was more nuanced and wasn’t just shoe-horned in here (Glorya doesn’t show up before or after this bit, this is the only time she’s ever present or even mentioned in this book in any meaningful capacity) for the sake of making Andi’s friends look better and for her to not have anything that anchors her to Arcardius, but like, I won’t say this isn’t realistic.

And then Shinsay can’t stop themselves and it’s back to silly time:

“Really, Androma...” 

[...]

“That is not my name,” Andi whispered. She allowed the darkness to come up into her voice, the mask of shadow and steel to sweep across her face. “My name is the Bloody Baroness. And if you or Commander Racella ever so much as utter a single word toward me or my crew again, I will personally strip the skin from your body and wave it like a flag from my starship.”

Glorya let out a soft squeak. Andi snarled with all of her teeth.

Guys I can’t breathe this is too fucking funny. And not in a good “woo vindication!” sort of way, but in a “they really put this right after an emotional confrontation about parental emotional neglect/abuse huh?” way. They really thought this was ... badass? Revenge? Andi, sweetie, you’re, like, traumatized? Presumably? I can’t really tell. But maybe get some therapy?

Do Shinsay think this is somehow a win and that Andi’s threat means she’s fully released from the hurt and pain her parents have caused her through their neglect? It’s honestly written as if Andi just confronted her mother and her own hopes of coming back to her family in this one short scene, and then upon realizing her parents never loved her, she scares her mom a little and then is all smug and satisfied at the end.

That ain’t how it works, darlings.

Then the annoying Marketable Space Pet runs in and starts biting Glorya’s toes and she runs away shrieking like a defeated Disney villain.

Way to undercut your own drama, Shinsay.

The chapter ends with Andi thinking about how her crew is her True Family for the bajillionth time. Because we’re all idiots and Shinsay wants us to remember that.

Chapter 77

It’s the evening of the ball and Andi thinks about how she missed Bavista, which is apparently your generic coming-of-age ball held at Arcardius for every 16-year-old. I’m guessing it’s a yearly thing? The book never clarifies. Not sure why the fuck it’s here tbh.

Actually, it’s a pretty good demonstration of how the worldbuilding in this book is presented so here, have at thee:

She could still remember seeing the otherworldly dresses and suits float by her on the feeds as she watched the girls and boys glide into the A’Vianna House in the Glass Sector. They seemed light as air, full of pride, bursting at the seams with excitement. Once inside, they would be greeted by members of the Priest Guild, who would award each young person three items.

The first was a vial of water from the Northern Ocean, symbolizing strength. For growth, they accepted a single leaf from the oldest tree on Arcardius, known as The Mother, which was said to have been planted when the Ancients first arrived. Lastly, they were given a single floating pebble, no larger than a child’s fingernail, chiseled from the very gravarock where the Cortas estate was. It represented the wisdom of rising above.

Is this relevant to anything? Does this help you understand this world or its inhabitants? Does it tell you anything of the culture of Arcardius or its youth and what’s expected of them? No? It’s just a really generic list of things thrown together using Mystical Proper Nouns as glue? Weeell heeell.

Also what does “it represented the wisdom of rising above” mean? This is utterly generic and means fuck-all, that’s what.

Anyway, Andi’s admiring herself in the mirror. Her dress is very sexy, trust me, I can’t be bothered to include it so just imagine your favorite My Immortal outfit description. It does include sword holsters at the back, which are Andi’s favorite part, because she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. She never actually uses them or brings the swords to the ball so ... Idk what the point of this was.

We also get some shit about how Andi actually LOVES dresses and being pretty but she never admitted it to anyone. But don’t you worry, this badass space criminal LOVES all things girly, because that’s feminism! Can someone check in on Shinsay? I’m not sure they’re getting enough air with their heads so far up Sarah J Maas’ asshole.

Admitting to herself that she looked pretty was something Andi kept private. She didn’t want to give her crew the satisfaction of knowing her true thoughts about fashion. How even though she was a fierce, hardened criminal, she could still appreciate the joy of a beautiful, impractical ball gown.

Huh. And here I thought they were your family. That’s weird that you’d keep this information from them, especially considering all of them seemed pretty excited to be prettied up in the last chapter. I guess they’d really just haaate the idea of sharing this joy with their captain, huh? Why aren’t you admitting this to them, Andi?

You’re saying shit about how “even though” you’re a hardened criminal, you can “still” appreciate beautiful gowns, like those two are somehow contradictory. Are you, mayhaps, ashamed of having this traditionally girly interest? Hmm! Interesting. Why could that be, I wonder? Why would having traditionally feminine interests or even caring about one’s appearance be seen as something inherently shameful or embarrassing, as inherently contradictory to being fierce and “hardened?”

This is all just so *clenches fist* feminist.

Forreal though, somehow Shinsay managed to take their entire made up GALAXY and make it subtly and not-so-subtly sexist. Good job, morons. Really girlbossed that one, huh?

The only bit I like about this whole mess is this:

The dressmaker had also accented her gown with a sparkling necklace full of jewels that Andi didn’t plan on giving back.

This is the one and only space pirate-y thing Andi does -- sorry, considers doing -- in the whole book and honestly could’ve been used to build her character more, but it’s just a one-off joke here. Wasted.

Valen comes to fetch her and we get some subtle foreshadowing.

“Valen the Resurrected.”

He stopped to look at her, brows raised. “What?”

She shrugged. “It’s what the press is calling you in all the feeds.” Valen let out a deep chuckle.

[...]

“Something tells me things are about to change for the better,” he said. “I’m ready to see it all happen.”

Andi wondered what he would do now that he was home with a whole planet at his disposal.

He deserved to have some fun.

Is it bad that I’m rooting for Valen to destroy everything? And this isn’t my villain-fucker coming out, I just want this poor bastard to absolutely annihilate Andi and her gang of acolytes.

Chapter 78

Andi and Valen arrive at the ball. It’s all very pretty and space-y and aesthetic. There’s a bunch of aliens everywhere. Andi sees a woman with funky eyes and assumes it’s a body mod, because I guess she knows the genetic characteristics of every species by heart and can tell when something is real or not.

An old classmate of theirs comes up to talk to Valen and congratulate him on being alive, then Andi reminds him of who she is just to be a smug asshole and the guy fucks off in a panic. She’s just so cool and badass, you guys.

Then it’s time for Valen and Andi to dance, and of course General Cortas looks like he’s about to lose his marbles because these darn kids! >:(

The chapter ends on Andi noticing Dex pouting in the distance.

“Relax,” Andi whispered. “Let’s give them something to talk about.”

She flashed him a wicked grin as the music began.

And as Valen spun her into the first move of the dance, Andi saw Dex standing on the fringes of the crowd, an expression of longing clear on his face.

Chapter 79

This chapter is exactly 298 words of Dex moping around about how he’s actually not over Andi at all when he thought he’d done such a good job of repressing his feelings, and how he should be the one dancing with Andi instead of Valen. If you’re surprised, you’re clinically dead.

[gone-series-orchid]

I know you've said before that you think Caine and Drake are pretty one-dimensional (and I agree completely). I was wondering if there were any other villains that you wish had been explored more instead of giving those two more page time in later books. Or if there were any characters that you thought could have had villainous potential that were unexplored??

wow, interesting question! i think my main problem with caine and drake is that they’re just kind of blandly evil, one-dimensional like you said. i think, ideally, villains should feel like real people.

funnily enough, i think zil probably comes closest to embodying that in this series. he’s mean-spirited from the beginning, but it’s only under lance’s influence (from what i remember) that he becomes a real threat due to his gaining confidence. i think it would have been nice to see more of him in the series—he’s insecure in his role as leader of the human crew, which makes him fallible. he’s also kind of unnerved by lance’s neo-nazism. he’s arguably the most intelligent out of the crew aside from lance. he’s not sympathetic, per se, but he is compelling.

i would’ve liked to see him interact more directly with the protagonists—especially astrid, because i think she should get a chance to one-up him in some way after he was thinking creepy thoughts about her in hunger. also, i think astrid, being the smartie she is, would probably be most likely to try to persuade him to turn over a new leaf—she’s a normal, and a white, aryan-looking (gag) normal at that, which would probably satisfy lance, and she still has distinct power in the fayz. though zil could probably poke a hole in her argument by pointing out that she only really has that power because she’s sam’s girlfriend, which is true. anyway, they could have words about it.

i think zil is compelling because he has the potential to be redeemed. it’s a slight potential, because he’s already done some pretty evil things, but he’s not totally evil—he has to justify the violence he commits in order to accept it, which is more than caine or drake does. we never forget that, at the end of the day, he’s still an insecure, blustering twelve-year-old. he’s an anti-moof bigot, but he could change. i think lance, more than zil, represents total irredeemable evil. he represents what zil could descend into being. he’s the devil on his shoulder (astrid could potentially be the angel if she maybe switched tactics from lawful punishment to direct emotional manipulation).

i’m a sucker for human villains and natural disasters being the principal antagonists, which i think is why the first four books work so well? i think fear and light suffer from the gaiaphage taking control of the narrative, villain-wise, when i think it worked best when used sparingly. gaia is pure evil, nothing more. she’s fun to read about in her own way because she’s so villainously campy, but that’s kind of it. she’s not really interesting, imo.

i think the reason why i harp so much on the insufficient “humanity” of antagonists like caine and drake is because that’s the principal strength of books (lord of the flies, battle royale) in the “kids trapped in place and forced to survive” genre: what do the actions of the characters say about human nature? about society? about morality? in lord of the flies, the message conveyed is ultimately a bleak one: the kids all descend into savagery in one way or another, with the purest one of them all, simon (the jesus figure) being driven insane, and the intellectual (piggy) being murdered. the story is all about “the darkness in the human heart,” to paraphrase the last line of the book.

in battle royale, on the contrary, the message is ultimately one of hope. despite the characters living in a dystopian fascist society that sacrifices one class of students to a killing game, the main character shuya clings to the idea that he and his classmates can figure out an alternate way to survive the titular battle royale aside from murdering each other. his compassionate view of humanity is validated by the pov vignettes given to all his classmates. all of them are given distinct personalities; some are kind, like shuya and his allies noriko and shogo, and some are drake-esque sadists, while the majority fall somewhere in between (my personal favorite characters are the girls that team up with one another in order to protect themselves from possible sexual violence from the boys. they hole up in a lighthouse!). but all are tragic in the sense that they’re children thrust into an unfair and cruel situation. even then, though, the nobility of certain characters shines through.

for instance, there are two girls at the beginning of the game who are best friends and don’t want to kill anyone. they (foolishly or bravely) use a megaphone to call out to the other kids in hiding, asking if they can all band together. shuya and several other characters are tempted, but sadly the girls are both fatally shot soon after their announcement. they die in each other’s arms after affirming their friendship, tears in their eyes. shuya and several other kids are devastated by the girls’ deaths. while some more callous characters deride them as being stupid and naïve, the reader is ultimately meant to mourn their deaths and the lost potential of a class-wide alliance. they know that their enemy isn’t their classmates, but rather the fascist government that makes them kill each other in the first place.

anyway—tangent aside—i think those two aforementioned novels are really solid examples of the genre gone is in. gone has more of superhero vibe to it, given the focus on powers and mutations and paper-thin evil villains, but i almost think the way that’s executed almost detracts against the aforementioned “kids surviving, etc.” genre? like, that’s all about the messiness of morality and human nature and whatnot, and while superhero comics can weave that into their narratives (watchmen, the brat pack) those are usually deconstructions of the genre than straightforward examples of it. the superhero genre is usually morally black-and-white and really action-focused. this is why i think we get the strange tonal mixture of kids reacting realistically to the trauma of starving versus reacting fairly unrealistically when faced with brutal superpowered violence, such as when brianna decapitates drake like it’s nbd. or anything brianna does, really.

there’s a shift from the realistic to the unrealistic that’s fun, but tonally dissonant from each other. so there’s this sort of disconnect, at least for me. i sympathize greatly for astrid when she’s slapped by drake and forced to call little pete a slur, for instance, but how many times does drake or caine murder a kid in cold blood? at some point it gets...idk, old? as the violence gets more cartoony the less it interests me aside from morbid fascination, and there’s just so much of it. it gets desensitizing after a while. i think that’s why, even though i think it’s handled fairly believably in gone, i had a lot more trouble with the monster trilogy’s blend of absurdism (the animorphs-style mutations like dekka turning into a cat woman with medusa hair and another character turning into a praying mantis with super speed, etc.) vs. grimdark realism (ICE forcibly deports a character’s father, terrorist violence is a common theme, the san francisco bridge is destroyed, a baby boy is mutated into a giant fuzzy caterpillar and then gets blown up by the military—like this is budding dystopia-level dark and the narrative doesn’t seem to realize it). it just feels too heavy and too light at the same time. the contrast of tones does a disservice to both of them. idk what i’m saying let’s get back to your actual question lol

as for characters with villainous potential...hmmm. tbh i think astrid has villainous potential? i mean, i like the idea of her moral righteousness escalating in a way that makes her more morally gray. she’d have to probably latch onto more powerful kids in order to have any leverage over sam and the gang, given her powerlessness. maybe she could manipulate orc into being her bodyguard while she plots to usurp sam or something asgjsjk. i think she could be a powerful threat if she wanted to be! it’s fun to ponder. i heard of an au where she joins the human crew that i thought was sort of interesting!

what do you think, @goneseriesanalysis? any villains you wish had been dived into more, and/or characters with villainous potential you think would have been cool to explore?

[bitchiha]

Wydhrjuf- I was watching ”Karen Freak Outs” on Youtube and I start wondering how would Naruto characters react if they ever encounter one? Lol

A/N: OHH LOL I LOVE THIS YOU WONDERFUL LITTLE ANON!!! Can’t believe I never thought to do this! This ask was so tempting I had to answer it ASAP 😖

Btw for those unsure of the term Karen: white suburban moms who always ask to speak to the manager / just wanna fight you LOOOL. Look up Karen moments like the anon did, you won’t regret it lol shits funny asf

✎ Naruto Characters Encountering Karen’s

Naruto

Omg he always encounters Karen’s. Whether they’re Karen’s yelling at him for fighting w their bratty kid on the playground or yelling at naruto for cutting supermarket lines — they’re always there waiting.

But they don’t phase him as much now that he’s used to them. Karen wants the manager to sort this out? Nah hoe. He’ll fight her right now.

He’s the final boss all Karen’s fear.

Always fights them LMFAO. “What’re you looking at, old lady?”, “I think somebody forgot their essential oils today, wrinkled hag.”

literally has the best comebacks for Karen’s.

The Leaf village Karen’s fear him because he won’t back down when they try and put him in his place

And my G O D they tick him off so easily oml. And we all know how crazy Naruto gets when he’s ticked off.

Always fights their bratty kids. Like it always starts somehow w the kid.

This one brat just stomped on his foot because he wouldn’t give up the last box of instant ramen at the supermarket, so now they’re roasting each other as they should 

and all the sudden the mom comes in.

The interference of Karen is the only thing that stopped Naruto from pummeling that kid LOLL. “Let the kid sort it out for himself, ya old lady!”

Has the best boomer roasts. That’s one of the first attacks he makes on Karen’s.

“Ok boomer.” Usually frustrates the fuck out of them and angers them enough to storm away.

If they somehow withstand that, he goes in for the essential oils disses and keeps bringing more and more weapons out until they’re running away quaking.

Sasuke

Nah sis

The first Karen to ever try and pick a fight with him is scarred for life. Seriously. He whipped his sword out and was about to end that hoe, luckily Kakashi stepped in.

Has 0 tolerance for that bullshit.

Karen’s fear both Naruto and Sasuke, but they handle them very differently.

Now, I think some Karen’s are intellectual, when they’re not demanding to speak to the manager of course.

So naturally, many of them get the message that they cannot mess with Sasuke Uchiha. One glance at him and the threat of getting them kicked out of the store dies on their tongue bc they realize if they don’t shut up they might actually die hdjdjsjsjsj

Lots of angry glares.

Won’t give them the time of day, like they wanna fight him for taking the last lavender essential oil. Sasuke is a slut 4 lavender essential oil you can’t change my mind. So he turns to face them and gives them the “im done w ur bs” look and the signature “tch” and they immediately back off.

Literally imagine Sasuke and a Karen having a staring competition over the last essential oil. Goodbye.

Neji

This man is a KAREN! Sometimes at least lol

He doesn’t encounter many horrible Karen’s though

If they ever wanna try him he probably turns around surprised — looking like that shook pikachu meme

He’s so offended like who does this old lady with a Starbucks frappe think she is?

“Excuse me... what?”

Literally just stares at them repulsed while they yell at him for taking their last bottle of their favourite shampoo of the shelf.

“But this is my favourite shampoo as well. It does such a good job in my hair and it makes it smell like vanilla.”

Then all the sudden they end up bonding over shampoo

Still keeps the last bottle for himself tho like he clings to it for dear life

Probably ends up getting invited to their PTA meetings

He’s the Karen’s poster boy

They all lowkey think Nejis fine asf

Naruto and Kiba tease the crap out of him for being the Karens idol, but the Karen’s won’t hesitate to protect him

It’s like the 5th great ninja war but with Karen’s VS 2 sixteen year old boys and Neji just watches it all go down 

Sakura

I headcanon her as a Karen

Someone probably just butted the line in the market and she’s about to tap them on the shoulder and give them a piece of her mind, but another lady does the same

Time stops

They just look at eachother knowing exactly what they have to do

And they fight the line skipper together

Then as a parting gift after their bonding experience, the Karen gifts her a bath and body works candle and some essential oils.

She too is now invited to PTA meetings.

Also invited to sewing club, cooking club, etc.

Sakura is a slut for essential oils so we already know she’ll fit in with the others

And she likes herbs and stuff so she talks about remedies with them

They all get along so well with her because she’s literally just a mini Karen. Like a soon to be Karen

Praised often for beating up Naruto, he is the Karen’s arch nemesis after all

Rock Lee

He cries when he encounters his first few Karen’s

He was running through the village one time when a little girl cuts in front of him all of the sudden and he hits her

He quickly catches her before she falls though

But her mom — a fellow Karen, was loosing her shit.

Cries and begs for her forgiveness

Is literally on the floor crying

The Karen is satisfied with this and let’s him go with very little verbal abuse lol

That’s how he handles most of his encounters

“I’m so sorry! Please, ma’am, forgive me!” Really excessive crying and laying on the floor because Karen’s scare the fuck out of him

Some feel bad for him and sprinkle some essential oils on him to calm his aura or some shit

They like that they can push him around tbh

Probably refer to him as the “respectable young man who knows his place”

Does chores for any Karen that asks, he's too scared to say no 

He also gets special treatment when they find out he’s nejis friend

[crowfalled]

If you had to pick new leaders and deputies for each clan and the tribe, instead of who would you personally pick- who would make for the most interesting picks?

ohhhh HM... for this i’ll include some younger cats to broaden my options up but they’re obviously assumed to be old enough to Be leader in these scenarios

JaggedClan

i’ll start off SUPER selfish and say i think Leopardstar with Night[redacted] as her deputy would be interesting!

Leopardpaw is a very untrusting and reserved cat, and Nightpaw is very much the opposite, which kinda flips the dynamic Mantisstar/Oakjaw have going on right now. i think it’d be fun to see how JaggedClan would do under a leader who doesn’t particularly want to help cats outside of their clan, or want open the clan up to any to offer shelter or the like, especially after how i think Mantisstar’s constant kindness has softened the mountain cats reputation up a lot. but then there’d be Nightpaw as her deputy at her shoulder, and as we’ve seen Leopard definitely looks to the cats she looks up to for guidance. so WOULD Nightpaw be able to convince her to help the other clans when they need it? to take in rogues? i think it’d be a really interesting leader/deputy dynamic between them!

CreekClan

iiii had a lot of trouble with this one tbh. so you know WHAT... Raccoonstar with deputy Applepaw.

Raccoontail is charming. he could bust out the good relations he could make with the other leaders by sweet talking.... or deeply offend them and make everything so much worse. i feel like he’d have a sort of laissez-faire approach to leadership, very chill with it, which is another direct opposite to how Currentstar currently operates. i think Applepaw has some natural leadership qualities, which would be interesting to see alongside Raccoonstar! they’d get along, but maybe not agree on how to approach everything. i could see her overworking herself as a deputy, determined to keep things running smoothly and holding all of that weight on her shoulders, but she’d certainly be good at it. and if her penchant for forbidden sort of crushes keeps up..... spicy

NettleClan

Applestar with Swan[redacted] or Swanstar with Apple[redacted]. doesn’t matter. listen.

hear me out. can you IMAGINE the power they would hold. i’m not saying it would be an entirely fairly run NettleClan because ohhh those girls certainly hold some biases but. it’d be fun to watch! there’s not a lot of that sort of leveling each other out with a milder deputy to a harsher leader or vice versa since both Applepaw and Swanpaw are pretty intense little cats, unless Rabbitpaw manages to get a word into her sisters edgewise, so i could see a LOT of conflicts or little issues that are blown into something just a bit bigger or harsher. maybe some petty punishments. maybe some clanmates not agreeing with how they operate. running their mouths off to the other clans about NettleClan superiority. yknow. spice. they’d be a FORCE to be reckoned with.

FogClan

going with the most basic choice of Bramblestar with Foxflame deputy.

they’re just GOOD together..... i think that same dynamic they have as mates would extend to being leader/deputy together. the Loyalty they’d have to each other. the power couple energy. Foxflame using his deputy power to officially adopt every cat in the clan. i feel like together they’d make some good headway at fixing up the damaged relations FogClan has with the other clans, maybe help out their admittedly rather poor reputation?

Tribe of Twisted Tunnels

spring - Feather Breeze

maybe not the most Out There of choices, but what can i say, i’m a Feather Mist stan. she’d definitely bring a softness to the spring leadership that Tiger Breeze (and her heirs) don’t exactly have... but would that be a good thing? could she be taken advantage of? idk! Feather Mist has always had a lot of big sister energy, but would she be able to handle being the head of her season? that’s a lot of responsibility!

summer - Twilight Sun

maybe just a little bit biased but ohhh i love a boy. especially with the way he shadowed Cold Sun around, he would’ve made a good heir!! Twilight’s enthusiasm for his season is contagious, and i think his pluckiness and go-getter attitude would be good for summer. it was really sweet to watch him try to take Howl under his wing, and while i could totally see him continuing to do that Regardless, leader Twilight would be so good at making all of the new summer to-be’s feel special and right at home in their season.

fall - Butterfly Leaf

okay i don’t know if Tiger Breeze would have existed as leader in this scenario, BUT. imagining her raising the two fall heirs (especially after the ordeal with Hollow the summer heir) would be so juicy. Butterfly Song is the softer of her and Firefly Flicker, and while I think Firefly could make a good leader in her own right... it’d be neat to see how Butterfly Song handled being thrust into leadership after being raised by a leader in a way as complicated as their childhood was. she’s so by-the-book and such a rule follower, but would she enforce more of that attitude on the tribe whenever it was her turn to lead? or would she let cats walk all over her? i could maybe see Firefly Flicker running a behind the scenes thing against cats giving Butterfly Leaf a hard time if she wouldn’t speak up much for it herself, like knock it off Or Else .

winter - hmmm okay i flipped back and forth between a few options for this one but. i think i’m gonna go with Hawk Frost!

not only would it be fun to see Hawk Frost and Twilight Sun leading side by side, but he’d be carrying on Honey Frost’s legacy, which i could tooootally see getting to his head. i feel like being leader would give Hawk an inflated sense of ego, and since he’s already pretty confident... that might be a recipe for some total recklessness. and ALSO. the dynamic between him and Aspen Breeze if he was heir/leader??? ohhhh god would that be something

[janiedean]

Hi! I'm the Plato anon for before. First of, thank you so much for your offer, but I think I managed on me own. Second, could you elaborate on the "analysing as YA" vs "analysing as an adult" approach? I assumed that "discourse people" on this website generally don't go beyond "antagonist is bad because they are against the hero!" out of ignorance/lack of interest except to score Internet Fame Points, not that it was due a specific mindest. I also don't really read YA (except Tiffany Aching)

TIFFANY ACHING!! T_T ANON LET ME HUG YOU it’s like the only YA I actually liked in my entire life apart from nick hornby’s one book but that wasn’t typical lmao

THAT SAID, well your discourse people point is pretty much part of it but since I’m here and I can rant have the entire thing I was too tired to hash yesterday ;) so, in order:

first thing, we need to establish that ya books and **adult** books generally have different target audiences which is fine and good because obviously if you want to write a thing you’ll do that for An Audience That You Have In Mind; this doesn’t mean that adults can’t read ya or that teenagers can’t read **adult books** because everyone can read what they want (and personally for one I never cared for ya in my entire life not even when I was the target audience), but it simply means that some books are meant to be liked by one category first and eventual others later and they need to be talked about in that specific context first and everything else later - then there might be books that are aimed for kids/young readers or sold like that or that can be read on more than one level which can be appreciated for different things later in time (for example I read huck finn at sixteen and I absolutely loved it but it was a book that here is seen as good reading material also for eight year olds, and at eight I wouldn’t have liked it for the reasons I did at sixteen, and if I read it now I would still like it, while a bunch of the books for kids I read when I was seven is stuff I enjoyed then but forgot now and probably was good for that age but didn’t stick with me);

second thing, that means that when I discuss a young adult book aimed at teenagers I will never hold it to the standards I would hold a book aimed at a general adult audience, especially if it’s the kind of ya like dunno as stated the vampire diaries aimed at teenage girls which is obviously the kind where you have the fantasy world with the hot dark guy who swoons the high schooler protagonist off her feet etc because that stuff is basic teenage girl fantasy 101 and like... I’ll expect a bunch of romance tropes, the usual push and pull, the guy eventually being into her, the protagonist being someone a fourteen year-old can see herself in, probably a few sexual elements thrown here and there and so on, because that’s the shit marketed at fourteen year-olds who want to read that and like... it’s really not that deep. I can’t ask the vampire diaries to be moby dick because it’s not meant to be. or, if I read percy j/ackson - which is another thing I have zero interest in but I know about because I see tweets from the author - I expect to have a bunch of teens coming into their own coming from different backgrounds because the author wants to represent properly a lot of categories so most of his readers can have someone they can see themselves in and like if a thirteen year-old who suspects being lgbt or whatever sees themselves in the gay kid from per/cy jackson guess what that’s what that book is for, so I won’t judge it on like... being a faithful representation of greek myths or how good the style is or whatever, because even if to me it’s not top notch writing or has a plot idc about it has to be for teenagers and pre-teens, not for me, a thirty year old who again didn’t even like pre-teen aimed literature when she was a pre-teen;

third, I can extra clarify it using the damned hp discourse, as in: when I say I’m tired of people not reading anything else or reading everything like hp, it means that they read it when they were growing up/were teens and it was aimed at them which is fine, but then twenty fucking years later when the people in question are way beyond their twenties (guys I’m almost 32 and I remember when the first one came out come on) when talking about any single piece of media in existence (movies, comics, other books) use hp characters/situations as the terms of paragon - like guys I had to read sn/ape comparisons with theon and ky/lo ren on the basis that THEY’RE GREY CHARACTERS as if sn/ape is the only grey character that ever existed, people keep on talking about vold/emort as the only bad guy that ever existed and so on, and like... you can’t talk about, idk, asoiaf or any book aimed at an adult audience like you’d talk about hp, because at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if I read comparisons between sn/ape and ivan karamazov and I think I don’t need to specify how completely nonsensical that would be;

now, with all of this explained, what I mean is: ya in general - which is not a fault per se of the genre since it’s aimed at teens and pre-teens - tends to have... very fixed narrative schemes depending on which teens it’s addressing - like, stuff like tvd or twilight is obviously the romance teenage girl fantasy where you have the girl fighting to be with the dark beautiful supernatural creature in question, per/cy jackson is more like I’ll give you a bunch of relatable characters having cool adventures against bad guys with the occasional redemption so we can see that people are redeemable but you still have right vs wrong, hp is sort of like that in the sense you get relatable-ish protagonist with relatable friends growing up throughout the entire thing and fighting on the good side vs the evil side including the usual death of the mentor plus people who seemed bad actually not being bad™ except that PJ has more povs and better rep from what I gather but that’s not the point so it’s basically the growing up journey for the young protagonist(s) the kid sees themselves in, then there’s stuff like hunger games where you actually have the dystopian worldbuilding just written to be enjoyable by younger people who don’t want to get too depressed (and ngl I haven’t read the books but I’ve seen the first two movies and guys the way everyone ignores the classist commentary in thg to discuss the love triangle is... a staple of the problem tbh) but still try to introduce deeper themes and have more nuanced characters and at the same time are still written to be enjoyed maybe by the more adult side of the target, and at the same time I can’t say that thg is the same as 1984 when it comes to target audience because 1984 doesn’t make the ugly dystopian themes more accessible using the love story/teenage protagonist etc;

at this point the problem is: if you only ever read ya and nothing else in your life (which is what a lot of people here do - guys again when I got here in 2011 if people didn’t discuss hp they discussed john gr/een, the only *adult*-aimed book I see discussed on tumblr is asoiaf... because of got X°DDD) then you end up seeing every other piece of literature expecting what you do out of a young adult and then you expect adult literature out of young adults/ya to approach certain implications the way an adult novel would, which is... frankly ridiculous;

specific examples: I see blogs which are principally about like ya fantasy books ie acotar or shadow/hunters or whatever shitting on grrm because AAAAH HE’S PROBLEMATIC/MISOGYNIST/HE HAS VIOLENCE AND RAPE IN THE BOOKS BLAH BLAH and like... spoilers: if I wrote a fantasy series aimed at fourteen year-olds who want their fantasy romance with the hot dark guy who is maybe a tiny bit problematic but turns their leaf for them I would hold back on blood and violence, if I wrote a fantasy for adults where I want to be realistic about misogyny I will not, and the fact that grrm gets judged on what happens and not how he writes it (and again, saying that a guy who has 1/3rd of his pov characters female except that it’s actually 50/50 because there are no throwaway povs except for mel while guys have a lot more of them and all the female povs have narrative weight [and mel has it before she gets one] and all of them have a different personality and he also has the same trope [brienne and arya] in two people with wildly different personalities and needs which is basically a goddamned miracle is a misogynist because there’s misogyny in his fantasy world is ridiculous imvho) which is.... exactly expecting of asoiaf what you’d expect out of acotar, when grrm and acotar’s writer write for wildly different audiences. now, if I had read acotar at 15 and asoiaf at 15 I’d have had no doubt re asoiaf being more my thing because again the subgenre acotar goes for is not my thing because I never related to that fantasy while brienne is my rep, but in general a 14yo girl who likes the acotar-like stuff will not care for grrm.... which is normal because grrm writes for adults of both genders, not teenage girls (I mean teenage boys also have their own subgenres for which the same rules are valid), and someone who likes percy jackson (aimed at both genders but like... pre-teens early teens) who doesn’t gaf for grrm won’t because it’s not aimed at them unless they like grrm for other reasons ie idk they realize that they relate to jon snow idk but you see my point, so like tldr that’s what I mean with if you only read ya you’ll expect adult writers to handle their themes like ya writers would and like... sorry but if I write stuff for adults I won’t feel the need to specify that the bad guy is B A D with neon lights because an adult should grasp that from the narrative, I don’t need to make sure it’s obvious bc it’s aimed at kids;

reverse: when I see people saying ‘the vampire diaries is problematic because it’s about people who are a hundred years old preying on teenage girls so we need to stop teenage girls from reading that kind of thing because it makes them think it’s okay to go with someone that much older than them’, we’re at the opposite problem in the sense that you’re asking a young adult novel what you would ask of AN ADULT NOVEL when there’s no point in it. like, a teenage girl knows perfectly that damon salvatore doesn’t exist and vampires don’t exist and werewolves don’t exist - the entire point of tvd is that she gets to fawn over the hot supernatural dude who changes for the better thanks to the female protagonist she most likely sees herself in and she gets to have a few nice fantasies about that which is like... normal for people who are developing their sexualities, most people wouldn’t actually want damon salvatore the way he’s exactly in canon irl because they know it’s a fantasy and so it should stay. like, sorry but as someone who watched the show because ian somerhalder is hot in her twenties and tried the first book and gave it up at page 30 because I couldn’t do it, I can 100% assure anyone that the biggest issues with tvd books are that the writing is really fucking bad (for my standards at least), with the tvd show that from S4 the writing spiraled downwards and no one wanted the magical vampire pregnancy witch twins ridiculousness, but none of the content actually was shit that anyone would take seriously like that and I wouldn’t expect tvd to approach that subject realistically. if I read a vampire book aimed at adults who actually wants to write such a relationship as creepy WELL YES OF COURSE I’D EXPECT IT TO BE OBVIOUS ABOUT IT BEING CREEPY, but if it’s aimed at freaking teenagers... it’s a fantasy and not really that deep, take it for what it is and let teenage girls enjoy thinking about smooching damon salvatore (or stefan or whoever) without assuming they need to be protected from Horrible Vampire Fiction™, same as no one goes bitching about unrealistic sex scenes in serialized romance books because people read them because they’re unrealistic and escapism, not because they expect nobel prize worthy exploration of themes from them;

now, ^^^^^^ would not happen if people actually read variedly and studied some decent lit analysis in school - but like, after I had to read I think at some point that of mice and men is ableist... THAT’S the damned point - with ya you can take a lot of the plot at face value, with adult lit you can’t and you have to see motivation beyond the action of the characters and you can’t do that if you only read books aimed at pre-teens/teenagers where obviously that’s... more spelled out than it would be in a book aimed at an adult audience;

that by the way also means wildly missing actual adult themes discussion in ya, because again, I haven’t read thg but from the two movies I’ve seen it’s fucking obvious that the whole thing is an anti us-classism commentary from how the districts are built to how the games are rigged to pretty much everything in the worldbuilding, but all the discourse I see on tumblr is about either the love triangle or katniss being miscast or president snow being a jerk and whatever else, but I never once saw anyone saying ‘heeeeey the people in katniss’ district are an in your face metaphor of poor people in the us of a belonging to certain categories while the first few districts are absolutely the 1% and the entire point of it is that she wants to tell you A CLASSIST SOCIETY IS BAD AND WILL LEAD TO REVOLUTIONS’, which to me was... like, glaring, it was literally what 90% of the entire thing was about and no one ever discusses it in a fandom-wide sense (I mean... I saw a bunch of hg posts back when the movies came out, I never saw this brought out), which... is a problem because it means that the moment people are put in front of a ya product that actually tackles that kind of issue.... they go and worry about the love triangle (which seemed to me the excuse to draw the people in the story) not about the social commentary, and like, maybe a twelve year-old won’t catch on the social commentary, a twenty-year old especially from the us should, and I don’t see that happening;

and sorry but that is because if you only engage with content aimed at a younger audience than your target first you assume that every piece of literature should be consumable/readable/enjoyable by a younger audience (and sorry but no, some of us don’t want to write stuff making sure teenagers like it) and then ask of actual ya media to cater to their *adult* needs and not to the needs of the target audience because wow obviously if you’re 25 you won’t want out of literature what you wanted at fourteen;

and this also is valid for children’s media because again, I’m cutting it short, but adults watching st/even universe and sending people death threats because they don’t agree with their opinion of a cartoon aimed at an audience that’s at moooostttt eight years old is a thing that shouldn’t even fucking exist, and if you think steven/universe is that important at an adult age you need to re-assess your priorities;

tldr: adults should not expect media aimed at kids/teens to cater to their interests and shouldn’t analyze it the way they’d analyze a piece of media aimed at an adult audience and should not presume that every piece of media should have the scope/schemes of medias aimed at kids/teens because some of us don’t want to read that.

now, I’ll leave you with a nice short anecdote which hopefully will further clarify what I mean and add to another point which would be, kids and teens don’t give a fuck about what you, an adult, do: when everyone was in a frenzy about my little pony back in 2013 or so I had to see a ton of posts like ‘AAAAAH MEN/BOYS WHO ARE INTO MLP ARE STEALING THE SHOW FROM YOUNG GIRLS HOW DARE THEY ENJOY IT WE NEED TO KICK THEM OUT’ with added people saying that a ten year old male kid who tried to kill himself bc his friends bullied him bc he liked mlp deserved it and the likes, my only thought was that... when I was 8-10 in elementary school and was actually the target for cartoons and stuff, sailor moon was the rage between all girls my age me included, we’d spend recess playing pretend (and I’d get stuck playing sailor mars bc no one wanted her, sad) and our hugest first world problem in existence was that we needed technically a mamoru and of course no self-respecting boy in elementary school would have admitted under death threats to watching sailor moon because it was a girls’ thing (aaaaah gender roles in the early-mid 90s, how fun) so everyone despaired because ofc no one wanted to play mamoru... and the few times any guy actually showed up like HEEEEY I WANNA DO IT BUT PLEASE DON’T TELL MY FRIENDS I LIKE SAILOR MOON we’d all be like OMG YOU’RE OUR NEW FAVORITE PERSON PLEASE YOUR SECRET IS SAFE because we couldn’t believe we found the magical boy™ who wanted to do it, and if anyone had told us that the kid in question was stealing sailor moon from us we’d have laughed in their face.

like.

kids don’t ask of media what you, an adult do, and it’s unfair of you, an adult, to ask children’s/ya media to cater to your damned interests, which are amply catered to by the tons of adult literature around which also forces you to push on your views and read more challenging things and to not read/watch stuff at face value, which is why I would really appreciate it if the amount of 20yo people on here who I consider adults engaged with more adult media and let themselves be challenged instead of just going back to ya/kids’ things, which are good for teens and kids and can be enjoyed by everyone but should not be the only goddamned genre you measure all other literature against because then you get people saying that lolita is pro-pedo when it’s exactly the goddamned contrary, but if you think that pov character = protagonist = good guy (which is... staple kids/ya stuff for obvious reasons) then you decide that humbert humbert is someone you’re supposed to root for. too bad that you’re not and the author was an actual csa victim so it’s a completely ridiculous reading that wouldn’t happen if you didn’t read lolita the way you read hp.

... okay, I’m done, sorry for how long this was, I hope it cleared things for good xD

[honeymoonjinmain]

BTS Reaction: you become their favorite artist

JIN

⎝ Tbh i wrote this one last because I really don’t know how jin would react at all

⎝ He’s such a crackhead and never seems to get too fanatic about other celebrities

⎝ I reckon he’d discover you first when you were performing at a variety show, and even though he had never heard the song before, he’d be bopping out like an absolute idiot and making namjoon so terribly embarrassed to be seen with him

⎝ Because you were becoming kind of a big deal, especially in asia, he saw you at a lot of award shows and similar events, and every time you played, no matter what song, he found himself grooving along, whipping out the most random dance moves

⎝ I think jin would just appreciate good honest entertainment and not really care about learning too much about you yourself

⎝ Jin doesn’t really have a favorite artist, just different songs that get him jamming

⎝ Sorry ladies and gents, he’s going to have five of your songs on his party playlist but that’s about it

YOONGI

⎝ You came up on his Spotify while he was playing a radio channel for another one of his favorite artists and he stopped what he was doing so he could listen to it again and then check out your other songs

⎝ He’s really shocked when he likes quite a few of your songs, not just the one, and he finds himself playing his favorite track of yours when he gets stuck in a creative rut in the studio

⎝ Yoongi knows what he’s about and you know the second he gets obsessed with your style, he’s going to start writing a possible collab song

⎝ I feel like he would want to have a song demo before he approached you so that he could convince you faster

⎝ Mayhaps he neglects his BTS and Agust D music while he’s working with you but that’s just because he’s so gosh darn  e x c I t e d about it

⎝ He would be more likely to write a seesaw style piece rather than a rap-focused one so that the two of you could have a more energetic stage when you performed it

⎝ From that point on, even if you don’t make music together, he’ll be messaging you at strange hours to ask for advice on beats and hooks

HOSEOK

⎝ Hobi seems like the person to always be actively searching for more music to listen to, so he probably comes across your music when he’s 3 hours deep into youtube’s recommended music videos

⎝ He likes your attitude and the vibe of your music, and while he moves on without listening to more of your stuff at first, the chorus gets stuck in his head, and he has to go digging through his history to find it again

⎝ For a long time, he just loves that one song, and plays it on repeat until he’s sick of it, but slowly he branches out into your other singles

⎝ Hoseok is a giver so he’s definitely nagging the other boys to listen to some of your stuff, shoving an earphone in Tae’s ear on the plane or singing out loud backstage before a concert

⎝ Mentions on a v-live that he’s been listening to a lot of your songs recently, and keeps humming the same parts over and over when he’s reading comments

⎝ Army tracks you down and tells you on twitter that he’s a fan, but you don’t really do anything about it until you run into bangtan during an award show and he completely fanboys out

⎝ He talks about how cool you are to his bandmates for the rest of the night

NAMJOON

⎝ My intellectual son loves watching lyric videos almost more than music videos because he loves being able to actually understand the lyrics and the meaning behind them

⎝ He comes across a mash-up of one of your songs with a track from mono and is curious as to why that particular song was chosen

⎝ He googles a lyric video and reads it over and over so that he’s sure he understands the English, then downloads it on his phone

⎝ One particularly powerful lyric gets stuck in his head and he tweets it out one day, and later on, translates it into Korean for Korean army on v-live so that he can gush about why he loves the lyric so much

⎝ He is pretty dedicated to exploring all your other songs to see if any others make him feel like that, and soon enough his Spotify feed and YouTube homepage are filled with your music

⎝ He doesn’t really share your music with the members at all, because he sort of likes keeping you as his secret, and will always plug in his headphones to play your albums from start to finish (so that he could appreciate them in their proper order) on long flights

⎝ It does frustrate him sometimes when he does choose to share a song or a lyric with another member and doesn’t feel like he’s doing the translation justice

⎝ He would love to collab with you but wants to keep his priority as BTS so he remains content with listening to the mash-up that one army made

JIMIN

⎝ Jimin hears your song play during an intermission at an award show, and it gets stuck in his head, but since the lyrics are in English, he can’t remember what they were to google the lyrics and find out the song

⎝ The general melody is all he has for a few years, then one day he’s in a café and that same song plays

⎝ He feels nostalgic and he’s in awe that the song has come back to him after all this time, so he asks namjoon if he can understand the lyrics

⎝ Namjoon types out some of the lyrics as he hears them and finds the most popular result on google is your first big hit

⎝ Jimin is excited when he’s finally back at home and can pull out his headphones and fully immerse himself in the song

⎝ He spends the next few hours going down a rabbit hole of all the music you’ve put out since then, and just about dies from joy when he sees you are releasing a new single in a few days

⎝ Turns out the single is one that you’re featuring on with a k-pop girl group, and so some of your lyrics are in Korean

⎝ As he’s been struggling to learn the words to your other songs, when the new single comes out, he tries to learn your part straight away, and it becomes his new favorite

⎝ He starts to watch all of your interviews that had Korean subtitles, and falls in love with your personality as well as your music

⎝ When he hears you’ll be performing live at a show he’s also doing, he is so excited he gets all hyper and jumpy, and whoops and cheers the loudest during your performance

⎝ He never really gets close with you because of the language barrier, but namjoon does help translate a short interaction between you two, so jimin can rest happy that at least you knew how much of a fan he was

TAEHYUNG

⎝ This soulful angel loves ballads, and he is always willing to memorize the English lyrics so he can sing along

⎝ You aren’t a massive star like he is, but you’ve gained enough of a following that many army stan you, and regularly comment on tae-s v-lives and tweets that he should cover your most recent single

⎝ He gets curious and listens to it, and immediately falls in love with how powerful it is

⎝ He spends a few nights going over and over the lyrics, then lowers it a few octaves to fit his register, and goes around singing to himself at every chance he gets

⎝ Tae almost always sings backstage before a concert, and while it’s usually BTS songs, the other members notice he’s been singing unfamiliar songs recently

⎝ They ask, and he’s only too happy to sing your song for them from finish to end, and once Hobi tells him he thinks it sounds beautiful, tae won’t shut up

⎝ He sings it for army on his next v-live, and as you’re an army, you are watching the v-live as he’s livestreaming it

⎝ You send him a comment, and the fans catch it, commenting wildly at tae until he takes notice, and then you and him exchange a little back and forth

⎝ He’s a little bashful that he was just singing your song in front of you, but you insist that it was beautiful

⎝ You start messaging him on kakao talk after that, and he decides to pull a leaf out of jungkook’s book and duet your song with you at a concert sometime

⎝ You, of course, return the favor by performing a slightly higher pitched version of singularity, and he just about melts in front of you as you’re singing

⎝ He is probably one of the only members that would keep close enough contact that a relationship would be possible (yoongi would keep in touch but value you more as a peer than a romantic partner) and having already seen your on-stage chemistry, most army are shipping you from the get-go

JUNGKOOK

⎝ Recently you featured on a Charlie puth track, and jungkook, being the fanboy he is, has already streamed the song just about a thousand times

⎝ At first, he doesn’t pay attention to your part at all, he’s all about the puth, but he finds himself singing your verse more than charlie’s part

⎝ After a while he checks out some of your other songs, not expecting much, but is pleasantly surprised at how catchy and well performed your songs are

⎝ It’s not long before he’s sending his bandmates your music videos so that he can gush about your dance moves, or screenshotting your selfies on twitter and making them his phone background. This bitch is a TOTAL fanboy I’ve said it once I’ll say it again

⎝ He’s not above messaging Charlie puth and asking about you and how you were to work with

⎝ He desperately wants your attention, even if just for a moment, because it feels so good having someone you’re a fan of acknowledge you exist, so he records himself rocking out to one of your songs and posts it on the official twitter account

⎝ A couple days later fans are tweeting him like crazy, and he’s tagged thousands of times in a video

⎝ It’s you at their most recent concert, rocking out to euphoria, even copying some of the moves he used in his video, so clearly, you’ve seen it

⎝ You see him along with the rest of bangtan in your audience during a concert, and you get a security guard to invite them backstage

⎝ You get to talking and hang out long enough for Jungkook to start treating you like an equal human being rather than some amazing celebrity, and from then on the two of you are always publicly supporting each other’s work and going to each other’s concerts

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: never seen a kid 😢 at a haircut Jimmy: before you say owt, it ain't even done yet so it don't look shit Janis: Poor Bobs Janis: bribe him with sweets after like it's the dentist Janis: I can get some on my way back Jimmy: throw him at your family pinging and well mad fer the party 😂 Jimmy: tah for the invite lads Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you know Janis: can't get him on the pre drinks so Jimmy: I'll set him up with a shot glass full of fizzy pop Jimmy: sorted Janis: 🙌 Janis: party don't stop Janis: what about Twix Janis: she'll feel left out Jimmy: 🎶 or start til you walk in, babe #obvs Jimmy: 💔🐶🎻 Jimmy: I'd reckon on letting her trash the place but that's any day she's left alone for 1 sec Janis: Naturally Janis: why else would I need to be there so bad Janis: she's just bored #relatable Jimmy: life and soul, my dear Jimmy: you and your true love wasted on this place Janis: sad but #truthbomb Janis: [sends him socials of the decor that are already up] Janis: I know I've been telling you but seriously Janis: see and believe and prepare Jimmy: fucking hell Jimmy: too late to ask 💀👑 to be your date instead or what? Janis: hmm Janis: would probably be my easy ticket out Janis: and she'd be thrilled for so many reasons Jimmy: crack on then Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, no challenge in it Janis: only a further challenge on my sanity, like Jimmy: turn round, I've sent the orchestra after you Jimmy: Bob's gonna save you a tissue an' all Janis: lovely Janis: just one he's not blown his nose in, tah Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: buy us 🚬 when you're at the shop Jimmy: 🤞💀💀💀 Janis: sure Janis: death pact sounds good rn Jimmy: right there next to you, Juliet Jimmy: headfirst off the balcony if nowt else Janis: honestly Janis: love to fuck up their marble floor Jimmy: least if you play up enough you might get a new pony out of it Jimmy: fuck knows where we'll put it but the kids will be #buzzing Janis: piss off Janis: don't even like horses Janis: or you Jimmy: I know that's bollocks, rich girl Janis: glue factory, both of yous Jimmy: 💕🐴 Jimmy: 💕😎 Jimmy: I'll buy you a heart shaped locket when our #truelove turns 1 Jimmy: space with pics for all your faves Janis: 😒 Janis: I'll throw it into the ocean Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: gonna make me 😢😢 too Janis: s'alright, draw a masterpiece and I'll share the door Janis: don't hate you either, not completely Jimmy: every bit's a masterpiece with you as my muse, baby Jimmy: 🥇🎨 Janis: gonna get whiplash if you keep doing these 180s boy Jimmy: get you out of this party, won't it? 😘 Janis: your plan all along Janis: 💔 me so I've got a get out of jail free card Janis: not worked for Gracie, like Jimmy: gotta be 💕 to get 💔 Janis: she was Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: our fake was realer than that Janis: not with him, obviously Janis: 💀👑💕 Jimmy: 😂 Janis: you know it's real Janis: as real as she gets Jimmy: a love story to rival me and my ex that one Jimmy: bout as many break and make ups as we had too, like Janis: I wouldn't try and console her Janis: never get away Janis: more 😭 than the kid Jimmy: I can't 💪 and 🤐 you said Jimmy: I ain't cuddling her Janis: better not Jimmy: not in my 💰💰 party clothes, tah Jimmy: wouldn't be 💋 on my collar, it'd be half her face Janis: 😂 Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: I'm not trying to find out what she #wakesuplike or owt else Jimmy: 💔 Gracie I know Janis: 😏 reckon she's over it, babe Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 💔 I know Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: [sends selfies that Bobby has taken of himself post haircut] Jimmy: heartbreaker not heartbroken now he is Jimmy: he needed you to see ALL 23 of them identical pics so he reckoned Janis: He looks so good Janis: very 😎 Jimmy: using every bit of my 💪 to stop him taking my phone to give you a bell Janis: n'awh he can if he wants Janis: am at the shop so get your order in Jimmy: [cute little phone call moment including Jimmy telling Bobby to ask her to buy all kinds of silly stuff cos nerd] Janis: [so cute, when they'd all be used to each other now and like a mini fam soz ian not soz] Jimmy: [even Cass would like Janis by now, such a squad, fuck off Ian] Janis: [get her something for dinner just in case 'cos too cool for this party obvs] Jimmy: [and we know Ian ain't gonna give a shit as long as he's okay himself so] Janis: actually 😍 Jimmy: how soon can we palm him off though? Jimmy: doing my head in if he ain't yours Janis: so mean, you Janis: go 'head and wish for this party to start tho Jimmy: you're alright Janis: mhmm Janis: this is gonna be a disaster, not even a funny one Jimmy: what's the scale? Janis: you wanna hear about the worst party this family has ever, like? Janis: 'cos you need to give me like 3-5 working days to work that out Jimmy: just working out if today's the day for us to say yeah to drugs instead of nah or if decimating Ian's drink supply before he gets back will do Janis: no doubt they'll have it out like hors d'oeuvres Janis: rich people Jimmy: what the fuck are them? Jimmy: I know that weren't paddy lingo but you still lost me Janis: party food Janis: pineapple and cheese on a stick but make it 💸 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: brush some edible gold leaf on it Janis: exactly Janis: make some poor cunt in a tux hand it out Janis: they aren't quite that level, well Janis: I don't think they'll have 'staff' anyway or 🤢 Jimmy: could've had a word for me, babe Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: missing out on a lot of tips to be there Janis: if you really wanna make it weird, I'll pay you myself Janis: idiot Jimmy: I've been waiting ages to unlock that final kink of yours Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: There you go then Janis: all comes out Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: really cheered me that has Janis: you'll forgive me for the hors d'oeuvres then Janis: so glad Jimmy: put a bit more work in and I might Janis: you work, I pay Janis: silly Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: keep giving them orders, girl Janis: 😏 Janis: if we didn't have somewhere to be Jimmy: we don't yet Janis: no, but you can't actually ditch bobs Jimmy: I'll throw him at Cass for a bit when we get back, she's getting time off later Janis: True Janis: not above it but not ideal getting drunk enough to deal in front of him, like Jimmy: I'm texting her now Jimmy: and we're on the bus Jimmy: be home well soon Janis: 👍 Janis: race you there Jimmy: piss off I ain't driving the bus Jimmy: that ain't fair Janis: if you ain't up to the challenge Janis: 😂 Jimmy: leave it out or you ain't getting your present Janis: locket? Jimmy: not what I've got in my pocket right now but I love that you're thinking long term Jimmy: very keen you Janis: 🤔👀 Jimmy: you gonna guess or what? Janis: 🍾 Janis: umm Janis: did you get some shampoo Janis: idk Jimmy: my subtle hint that you need to sort yourself out, like Jimmy: not that much of a dickhead Janis: I've got no clue Jimmy: Are you telling me you wanna shower with me? 'Cause not fuming about it Janis: I was thinking where you was last but you know Janis: can't show up stinking can we Jimmy: If getting kicked out is the goal, probably should Jimmy: but I Janis: wanna give me my present Janis: I get it Jimmy: and you want it off me Janis: yeah Janis: I do Jimmy: you're so Janis: you Jimmy: [sends her a fire sext because always and any opportunity] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: what? Janis: just Janis: be here now Jimmy: just wait for me Jimmy: won't be as long as it feels Janis: I miss you Jimmy: I want you Janis: as soon as you're back Janis: 'til the last possible minute Jimmy: Yeah Janis: didn't want to go but now I really, really don't wanna go anywhere but the shower, like Jimmy: Ian ain't there to bang on the door, it's alright Janis: 😏 maybe he's just trying to keep us in time Janis: helpful, really Jimmy: sounds proper fake that Janis: probably Janis: just tryna spread those posi vibes Janis: you know me, babe Jimmy: such a ray of sunshine you Jimmy: what I'm always telling people that is Janis: awh, who you talkin' 'bout me to, boy? Jimmy: the 🌏 babe Janis: 😍 #thatdemotho Janis: you spoil me Janis: that my gift, yeah? #freepromo Jimmy: you got me Jimmy: know the way to your 💘 Janis: just can't quit being goals, can you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: be here now Janis: I'm done waiting Jimmy: Hang on, I'll throw the driver off Jimmy: only a few stops Janis: probably distracted with his 😍 Jimmy: if the kid weren't here everyone on this bus would be Janis: 💔 that Janis: actually Jimmy: has Cass shown up at ours yet? Jimmy: I told her to take him out Janis: yeah Janis: her mates here too they're raiding the cupboards Jimmy: that lad again? 🙄 Janis: alright, dad Janis: nice of you to pop in 😂 Jimmy: piss off Janis: you're so cute Jimmy: you're a dickhead Janis: don't get aggy with me Janis: I ain't got my mans over Jimmy: Mia be round any sec though, will she? Jimmy: make myself scarce for a bit then Janis: 🖕 Janis: so funny, you Jimmy: save that for her Jimmy: 💕 Janis: the fakery? Janis: sure Janis: I'm a pro now Jimmy: that and the hand gestures Janis: easy now Janis: not tossing her off Janis: and it's a different gesture, anyway Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: trying to tell me I've been doing it wrong, are you? Jimmy: first I've heard Jimmy: and very subtle of you, mate Janis: 😂 Janis: you know Janis: been thinking how to bring it up and now seemed like the perfect opportunity tbh Jimmy: you'll have a perfect opportunity to show me how I can do better in a bit Janis: it's a date, loser Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: [showing up cos why not do a lil skip lol] Janis: just chilling in the kitchen with cass and her mate like hey] Jimmy: [100% her mate is the Tyler kid in my head lol but yeah don't be rude and kick them out immediately, do pass the sweets Janis got round tho shameless bribe which reminds me her gift was a lollipop he swiped from the hairdresser for well behaved kids cos drunken throwback they don't remember but we do so he can give her that too like] Jimmy: [Bobby showing everyone his hair and loving life P.S] Janis: [love that, being shamelessly buzzing 'cos about those nerdy gestures forever and you get to be #seductive on the low] Janis: [get it bab, you look fresh] Jimmy: [could not resist and never will bye] Jimmy: [that little kiddo being less shy fuck me up] Janis: [get your confidence live your life bb] Jimmy: [making everyone a cuppa even though you want them to fuck off #northern] Janis: [when you're rood (but not really) so you're like we've got to get ready bye] Jimmy: [only so much eye fucking and accidental touching and seduction via lolly you can handle before you g2g] Janis: [truly, in that shower boys] Jimmy: [casually really long shower soz not soz Ian] Janis: enjoy that waterbill] Jimmy: [then actually get dressed and get drinking but it's obvs still flirty af] Janis: [the vibe, 'cos don't need to dwell on what a non mood this party is] Jimmy: [literally he'd be distracting her so hard, so many kisses it'd be a miracle that anything else gets done, lowkey helping each other dress just so you can keep touching and being soft] Janis: ['you look good' 'cos he did despite the dresscode] Jimmy: [does a drinks cheers because thanks and also she does too we know it] Janis: [cheersing with glee 'cos a few drinks in and being with the bae you don't feel completely like kms] Janis: ['not as good as Bobby but you know, you'll do'] Jimmy: [runs his hands through his hair dramatically cos got a lil trim but nothing worth mentioning and doing a pouty face for the pisstake 'take him then, I'll stay here'] Janis: [hugging him tight like no] Jimmy: [hugging her back as tight just because and hands in her hair likewise and more kisses just because] Janis: ['I promise I'll make it fun' 'cos sorry to be dragging him into this mess but gotta lol] Jimmy: ['If I'm with you, I'm having a good one' cos true even in this instance ultimately] Janis: [literal sincere hearteyes] Jimmy: [give them right back so its a moment] Janis: [just snuggling like 'let's run away okay'] Jimmy: ['alright, we're decently dressed for life on the run' but being soft with your touches cos you want to as well] Janis: [sniffs, 'yeah, new identity ready, like'] Jimmy: ['forgot your former name already, me'] Janis: [lols 'be more believable if you hadn't been saying it so much in the shower, boy' 😏] Jimmy: ['soz, I thought you only wanted me mute at the party, like' 😏 Janis: [makes face like no and a 'n'awh' sound 'I don't want you like that, you just ain't gonna have nothing to say to 'em, me either, like'] Jimmy: ['I don't wanna say nowt to 'em, just you' no offense fam but that's the tea] Janis: [nods 'cos same and not like she's that bitch to say you must lmao] Jimmy: [tops both their drinks up because that speaks for itself] Janis: [drinking and snuggling] Jimmy: [enjoy the alone time while you can kids] Janis: [just telling him about the 'decent' (bit rude) kids that'll be there for bobby to play with] Jimmy: [he'll be having a lovely time at least] Janis: [and at least as bouj as they are it's not like they're most fancy house 'cos he's still in school so can't be living fully lavish] Jimmy: [makes me lol god bless those extra bitches] Jimmy: [let's say he puts music on for them cos kids could be back any time and wanna stay in their own bubble as long as they can] Janis: [throwback to all those times, appreciated] Jimmy: [casual playlist of all those van hook ups lol] Janis: [if anything is gonna get you in the mood tbh] Jimmy: [enjoy it kids] Janis: [in your new bed bowchicka] Jimmy: [that for once isn't full of a pup and a kid so it still feels as small as a single usually #rude] Janis: [hope you've not put your fancy clothes on yet lol] Jimmy: [dressed and undressed haha priorities] Jimmy: [Jimmy'd be like me and not put them on til the last min in case they get messed up] Janis: [sensible, better than turning up all awry like what you been up to 😏] Jimmy: [they don't need the pisstaking today fam they're trying to stay in a good mood] Janis: [just like 'fucking obvs wbu'] Jimmy: [don't ask if you don't wanna know tbh] Janis: [truly, how long are we giving you lads before Ian's back being a hoe] Jimmy: [give 'em long enough to enjoy that new bed and be a few more drinks in but yeah he should probably appear soon to give him the most time to be a knob before they get be like oh bye Ian lowkey maybe they think it's the kids coming back so they're like alright cool they're earlier than we expected so loads of time to get Bobs ready but then no, it's that fool Janis: [when you're lowkey like should I stay in here 'til we're ready to go 'cos Ian hates you lol] Jimmy: [she should if only so they can type to each other for a bit] Jimmy: 🙄💀💀💀🙄 Janis: real life and soul has arrived Jimmy: can you hear us celebrating down here? Jimmy: 🎉 keep it down, knobhead 🍾 Janis: been to plenty parties like that Janis: but Ian, the vibe is 💎💎💎💋🌸🌺🎀 Janis: get with it Jimmy: 🍀 standard fare that, be why he fits right in on this street Jimmy: you don't wanna take him in my place then? Jimmy: 💀👑 gonna be thrilled to still be 🥇 like Janis: they should date Janis: start an anti-fan club for me Janis: cute 💕 Jimmy: stop trying to make me vom Jimmy: so kinky you Janis: tryna save you, babe Janis: sure she's dead distracting Janis: soz sue or whoever it is rn Jimmy: I'll take her over Mia as my new mum tah Janis: she will find her in Janis: stop fighting it, boy Jimmy: Take your own advice before you hand it out to me, mate Janis: 🤐 shh Jimmy: 💕 Janis: she's coming for his 👑 in the dickhead stakes though so maybe it won't work Janis: too much competition 💪👎 Jimmy: what like there can only be 1? 🍀 town's full of twats Janis: ask her, she'd tell you Janis: don't share the throne, babes Jimmy: hang on, I'll slide in her DMs for a change Jimmy: shock might 🔪🔪💀👻 Janis: 🤞 Janis: needs distracting from her story rampage Jimmy: ? Janis: ugh, usual Janis: now her and gracie aren't bffs forever she don't have to hold back with slaggin on her and spilling all that tea, sis Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Jimmy: rather have this twat in my 👂 than eyes on that bollocks Jimmy: tah Ian Janis: tell him it's his turn to say something nice now Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🔊 I'm waiting Jimmy: take your turn, he's skipping his Janis: About Ian? Janis: Hmm Janis: he makes cute kids Janis: I guess Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: come and get the little one, he needs to get ready not hear this shit Janis: 👍 Janis: [does and gives him a subtle shoulder squeeze as she goes] Jimmy: [runs away as soon as he can cos you know Cass is good for making Ian kick off/taking his full attention so they could just get Bobby ready and be cute though you can tell Jimothy is forlorn]] Janis: [not saying anything but keeping Bobby chatting and hyped about this party and showing him pics of relevant kids so he won't be as shy to meet them] Jimmy: [just 😍 cos that's so nice and so cute and he is full of love] Janis: [just smiling at him and doing lots of subtle small reassuring touches] Jimmy: I love you Janis: I love you Janis: fuck the rest, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: [gives him a sneaky kiss 'cos kids be like ewwww lol] Jimmy: let's just go Jimmy: if not to the party yet just Janis: 'course, all dressed up like Janis: kid needs an audience rn 😎 Jimmy: bit rude if our kid's just taken 1000s of pics of you on that old camera I let him have Jimmy: my muse not his Janis: there's enough inspo to go around baby Jimmy: weren't a challenge but take it as one any time you like, girl Janis: [posing for Bobby and pulling all kinds of faces whilst getting one of his jackets on like let's ride] Janis: what challenge Jimmy: [counts how many poses/faces she's doing casually] Jimmy: you owe me a photoshoot later Jimmy: see what you reckon then Janis: see what you reckon when I hit you with my hourly rate Janis: owes me so many sweets, that one Jimmy: Nah, rich girl, I work and you pay Jimmy: your words them Jimmy: [we on the move though fuck you Ian and good luck being stuck with that Cass] Janis: [seriously that'll be fun for you both lowkey] Janis: you think I'm gonna pay for the pleasure? Jimmy: as long as you feel it I don't give a fuck if you don't get the cash out Jimmy: but we can keep that between us Jimmy: #golddigger if anyone asks obvs Janis: 'course Janis: why else would you be with me Janis: just keep that off the 'gram, naturally Janis: [walking and talking with Bobs, obvs, sneaky convos ftw] Jimmy: I'll put the list on the 'gram in a bit Jimmy: let you know, like Janis: how very goals of you Janis: even if you're gonna have to ignore me to write it, like 😏 Jimmy: fuck that, it basically writes itself Jimmy: [a look cos so in love bitch] Janis: you look good Janis: did I tell you Jimmy: might've done Jimmy: I need to tell you Jimmy: come here Janis: [moves closer like hello] Jimmy: [whispering all these compliments and generally hot af things in her ear like] Janis: [when you nudge him like excuse me but it's just an excuse to snuggle into his side, we see you] Jimmy: [soz baby bobs but we gotta do another sneaky kiss here that may or may not be that sneaky soz again] Janis: [he'd be less grossed than cass and we all know it] Jimmy: [yeah and he's probs using his camera on himself/the scenery as they walk along anyways so] Janis: ['how's it feel having a mini-me?'] Jimmy: [shrugs cos used to it 'better than it'd feel Ian having one' cos that's the tea] Janis: [nods like ain't that the truth] Jimmy: [when you openly snuggle into her side without any excuse cos ugh he's the worst and you know he's been saying shit as standard] Janis: [taking your hand out of the pocket to hold his 'another pro of Mia, she's definitely infertile, no more Ians ever'] Jimmy: [little lol because you can't even help it] Jimmy: ['imagine the school lunch she'd pack, tah mum'] Janis: ['those appetite-suppressing lollipops are well kid-friendly'] Jimmy: ['do need this kid off my hands to have a smoke though so if you could give her a bell now that'd be decent'] Janis: ['um, cigarettes are the OG appetite-supressors, HELLO!' taps his head like think on but gestures like, you want me to go ahead with him or] Jimmy: [pulls her closer to him and holds onto her dramatically because no #bantsbutalsotherealest] Janis: [doing that half walk half dance you have to do when you're holding onto each other and still moving for a while 'cos not going] Jimmy: [giving her the realest intense don't leave me look before you can stop yourself because the neediest softest boy ever bye] Janis: [just looking back not faltering 'I ain't gonna leave you alone with 'em, if only for the purely selfish reason I don't wanna be alone with 'em either'] Jimmy: [a hug moment that he really needs and is made cuter by Bobby joining in cos they a lil fam] Janis: [love a group hug moment, live your best life, ain't no one stop you, especially not Ian bye] Jimmy: [shakes his head at himself like get your shit together now boy] Janis: [puts Bobby's shades down for him 'cos cool kid and mimics the same at him like you got this babe] Jimmy: [a wonderful hand squeeze of thanks and hand holding the rest of the way] Janis: [squad roll up honey] Jimmy: [let's do this lads, take a deep breath before the pink hits you but] Janis: [literal deep breath as if you're not gonna do your best to do the bare minimum of socializing before finding a cosy corner] Jimmy: [god bless, can't even shade you two cos its gonna be so awks, I can so clearly hear and see Venus' dad's extraness like] Janis: [as much as she's 😒 at least he's met cali enough for that to not be unbearable just keep rio away lowkey lol] Jimmy: [we all know they are gonna take a smoke break the first chance they get full offense everybody but could be worse cos grace is lowkey tipsy af already so] Janis: [just exchanging a look but not a sexy look with him like okay and we were pre-drinking] Jimmy: #whitegirlwasted Jimmy: you might've taught me that but she's reminding me Janis: 😂 Janis: she's an education in all things white alright Jimmy: 👌👌 Jimmy: [okay but Jimmy chatting to Indie cos she's brought Astrid and he's got Bobs and remember when he was like 10/10 would bang lol] Janis: [just off securing that bitch vodka] Jimmy: [take it girl you're gonna want it] Janis: [talking to Rio (and Buster and Venus' dad etc) without him 'cos you wanna keep her away 'cos embarrassing] Jimmy: [he's just settling Bobs in but he's got loads of kids and hippie brother so he's buzzing unlike most of these guests] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: all good? Jimmy: you alright? Janis: you know Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: that's about the gist of it, yeah Jimmy: what are you drinking, girl? Janis: that's a poor excuse for chat, boy Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: do you want one or what? Janis: obviously Jimmy: 🏃 me Jimmy: hang on Janis: you offered Jimmy: [brings her that beverage and knocks their glasses together] Janis: ['careful, wouldn't wanna spill anything'] Jimmy: [gives her a look because she wanted to spill their blood on the marble not that long ago lol] Janis: [shrugs like what] Jimmy: [shrugs back like what cos always] Janis: [🙄 and dranking] Jimmy: [we all drinking] Janis: this is so ugly Jimmy: it's 💎💎💎💋🌸🌺🎀 Jimmy: get it right babes Janis: my point still stands Jimmy: smack me, I'll get a clashing colour nosebleed and we'll have to leave Janis: alright, sounds fun Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: you wish Jimmy: when I blow out the kid's candles in a bit you'll have to do it 👸 Janis: [does mini lol] Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: [starts heading out in response] Jimmy: [following the bae] Janis: ['we shoulda got another pack' as she's tapping two out, like no time for sharing] Jimmy: [gives her a playful look like literally you had one job 'I'll go in a bit' but obvs he means on the way back he's not just gonna leave her lol] Janis: ['I'm an optimist, I didn't think it'd be this bad, sue me' 😏] Jimmy: [little lol 'why we're such a good match, duh'] Janis: ['for now, anyway'] Jimmy: [💔 with his hands] Janis: ['believable'] Janis: [does 👎] Jimmy: [does OTT sad face and fake crying like is that better?] Janis: ['if you want sympathy you gotta aim it at your new, not your old' taps her head, like Jimmy: [👍 IRL like tah for that] Janis: ['in you go' shoos 'cos so polite] Jimmy: [playfight moment cos oi] Janis: ['stop it' but a LOOk obvs] Jimmy: [a look back like make me cos distract yourselves with being flirty af kids] Janis: [shakes her head 'I'm busy' takes pause to inhale to prove point then exhales 'ask your friend instead'] Jimmy: ['which one, got so many friends, me'] Janis: [just makes face like you know] Jimmy: [makes a face back like no I don't] Janis: [rolls her eyes but not agressively so add the smirky face, like, 'good job you're pretty, babe'] Jimmy: [bats his eyelashes at her in an OTT way and makes a kissy face, it's almost like Grace is in the room lol] Janis: [makes a vom face and pushes him away 'no, you're dumped, get out'] Jimmy: [hair flip and walk away but not far away thanks] Janis: ['technically, half of these are yours' and shakes the cigs at him] Jimmy: ['not til you say yeah to tying the knot, babe, today the day?'] Janis: ['obviously, this-' gestures around '-is all I really want'] Jimmy: ['obviously'] Janis: [shakes head and sighs, 'least bobby's having fun, like'] Jimmy: [nods because that's the best he could expect as an outcome tbh] Janis: [kicks at his shins but softly not actual 'cheer up'] Jimmy: [is all like oi cos fancy clothes but not actually mad obvs 'alright, challenge accepted'] Janis: [looks at him expectantly] Jimmy: [hits her with a 'what?' as standard] Janis: ['come here, idiot'] Jimmy: [does of course] Janis: [sneaky garden makeouts forever] Jimmy: [take what you can get kids, probably gonna have to go back in before too long] Janis: [Astrid probably having a meltdown so you gotta go in to check on the kid you brought lol] Jimmy: [Indie just gotta leave with her so the numbers are dwindling #awks] Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻💔💔🎻🎻 Janis: really should've scaled this back, all things considered Jimmy: but the 💎💎💎💋🌸🌺🎀 Jimmy: actually would be 💔 Jimmy: it's a 3 💎 event, girl Janis: for who Jimmy: everyone #obvs Janis: I repeat Janis: who Jimmy: your horse would be feeling it if you'd brought her along 👸👑🐴💕 Janis: can't bring a horse for a date Janis: not that kind of horse girl Jimmy: 😂 Janis: gutting, I know Janis: not even afer the honeymoon Jimmy: might be a challenge too far competing with 🐴🍆like, 💪🏆 as I am Jimmy: so you're alright Janis: 😂 Janis: no amount of 🍀 gonna help you Janis: 🤷 soz Jimmy: 💕 meant to help me, Juliet Jimmy: choose me 😍💘 Janis: you've always said how much I love horses so Janis: how could I Jimmy: 😭😭💔💀💀💀 Jimmy: on you go then Jimmy: 👋 Janis: Missed a perfect opportunity to go with fuck you and the horse you rode in on Janis: which is why I already dumped you so Jimmy: missed a perfect opportunity to leave with Indie an' all but I've still got the orchestra to see me out Janis: 🎺 'cos you're not funny Jimmy: bit rude Janis: have we met Jimmy: dunno, my mrs does have a very different #aesthetic Janis: lucky her Jimmy: she's going out with me, she's well lucky #duh Janis: mhmm Janis: I'm gonna politely smile 'til you go away now Jimmy: 👍 Janis: can I trust you not to spike my drink, creeper Janis: too many of my family members are congregating and I can't Jimmy: no need, give it a bit and you'll do the work of being gone yourself, lightweight Janis: fuck off Janis: how you gonna say that when she's stood right there Janis: barely Jimmy: you want me to start comparing you and her? Jimmy: not that thick or ready to 💀💀💀 tah Janis: Changed your tune Jimmy: so fickle me Janis: clearly Jimmy: keeping up with you, I reckon Jimmy: am I dumped or your #goals boyfriend bringing you drinks and whatever else your heart desires? Janis: you wanted the gig Janis: tux sadly not included Jimmy: [obvs brings her drinks tho cos needs them himself anyway] Janis: ['cheers'] Jimmy: sláinte pisshead 💕 Janis: be nice Jimmy: you Janis: I am Janis: so nice Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: where? Janis: [😒] Jimmy: go on, get your #receipts out Janis: why are you being a dick for Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: [😒 and an actual pout not the emoji kind] Jimmy: [gotta kiss that pout soz fam] Janis: [not soz, claim this corner lads] Jimmy: [being really nice to her rn like come back to meeeeeeeee and be my friend again] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Grace being a salty single from afar] Janis: [when you're so over this whole mood you ain't even arsed about the attention your PDA will get either way] Jimmy: [likewise only care about the bae and making this more bearable for her so soz but not soz at all actually] Janis: ['sorry' when you take a sec 'cos actual] Jimmy: ['it's alright' cos it is and not just saying it] Janis: ['it's stupid but' shrugs 'cos what can you do 'soon as they cut the cake, I swear'] Jimmy: [just snuggling her cos he'll be here as long as it takes and so much love] Janis: [just forgetting your rep and being soft for a sec] Jimmy: [#ultimategoals 5eva nobody else exists bye] Janis: ['I actually fucking love you, you know'] Jimmy: [when you're kissing her but you can't stop smiling the whole time because always gonna get you when she says that] Janis: ['I mean it' not like she doesn't think he believes her but 'cos she do and that's crazy if you ever stop and think about it which they clearly don't #nochill] Jimmy: [giving her the most intense heart eyes cos he knows and it's so mutual] Janis: [just snuggling] Jimmy: [let them have all the moments I am unrepentant af] Jimmy: [just whispering all the nice things to her like how much he loves her and how important all of this is to him etc because he could be saying anything fam its not for you] Janis: [when your face probably looks like you're #scandalized but really it's 'cos it's not saucy and that gets you harder] Jimmy: [if you didn't wanna leave before you really do now so you can just be properly alone gdi] Janis: [gonna have someone cockblock, probably one of your parents trying to talk to you like now lads okay lol] Jimmy: [rude but real] Jimmy: do you wanna just fuck off for a bit after this? Jimmy: catch a train or a lift like Janis: yes Janis: always, like Jimmy: nobody'll be at the caravan if they've all had to come here Jimmy: don't have to be there though Janis: a good base if nothing else Janis: but we can go anywhere Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: have to drop the kid back first, change out of this shit Jimmy: can grab the dog if you're both gonna be 💔💔 Janis: can't you bring the braces 😏 Janis: hmm, maybe Janis: the less responsibilities we leave for Cass/Ian, the less arsed everyone will be Jimmy: depends, are you taking the piss or what? Jimmy: and yeah but that don't mean I'm taking the kids meaning he'll still need me to leave classic FM blasting for him Janis: Would I do a thing like that Janis: you know you still look fit Janis: 🎻 obvs Janis: don't want him to enjoy himself ever Janis: just not ban me and 💀you Jimmy: stop looking at me like that or you'll 💀 me Janis: I can't help it Janis: not my fault everything else in here is offensively 🎀🌺🌸💎💎💋 Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: love you too Jimmy: and how impressively you backhand them compliments Janis: gotta keep you grounded, babe Jimmy: then, as I said, stop looking at me like that, babe Jimmy: #groundednotintheground Janis: you're so Janis: make everyone go away Jimmy: how many bathrooms does this place have? Jimmy: let's hide in one for a bit Janis: more than one Janis: and there ain't enough guests here that they need to be queuing Janis: come interrupt so I can show you Jimmy: [does and can because has never been here before so legit wouldn't know where to go] Janis: [off you run children] Jimmy: [someone'll come find you if they need you for birthday things and you aren't back so take all the moments] Janis: [also none of you are stupid you know what's happening so leave 'em for a hot sec tbh] Jimmy: [mhmm all of y'all have pull these same tricks at some point and we know it] Janis: [exactly dr phil] Jimmy: [do we want skerries again or somewhere different?] Janis: [should go somewhere different why not] Jimmy: [yeah I'm thinking get the train/hitchhike until they are fed up and then just get out cos destination ain't the important bit] Janis: [a mood] Jimmy: [feels real even they come back tomorrow, being gone long isn't the point either really] Janis: [exactly, it's just about leaving]

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Yotsuiro Biyori 1 | Kakuriyo 2 | Lupin 3 Pt 5 2 | Saredo 2 | BnHA 40 | Boueibu HK 2 | Mahou Shoujo Ore 3 | Golden Kamuy 2

Yotsuiro Biyori 1

I memorised this show’s name as being “Rokuhoudou”, so I almost didn’t recognise it at first when CR got it! I’m only taking it on because of the SoL aspect, which I’m normally not too sold on. However, there was a lot of slice of life this past winter, so I can see this being moved to the on hold pile already…

Mitarashi (dango).

Why do I get the feeling there was something fishy (time travel, a death or something) that happened to make the Rokuhoudou the way it is? I say “time travel” because of what I read about this show on ANN.

Is it just me, or does the background around this woman look kind of flat? The bins seem pretty flat, at the very least…

I can see what the woman means when she goes “This is a café?” It sure don’t look like one, it’s more like a temple or something.

I almost expected the woman to mangle the name of the café and go “Shika-kaede-tou” or something. How do the Japanese manage to get all these kanji combo pronunciations right???

“Don’t dodge my question, you king of BS.” – Just another quotable, alongside “Just Google it, asshole.” (Boueibu HK)

I thought the latte art was a dog at first, but yeah, if I look at it differently, it’s a bunny!

Kusamochi. By the way, I was thinking this show is really charming. Sure, I had more than enough Cute Boys Doing Cute Things in the winter, but these guys have quite the rapport. Now if only I could figure out what their names are (properly)…

Wait, so did that board/sheet/whatever inside that inspired Redhead refer to Kinako (cat) or kinako?

Lemme get this straight – black hair is Tokitaka, brown hair (latte) is Gure, desserts boy is…shoot, I don’t know…Update: Gure has black hair, not brown. It’s just shorter than Tokitaka’s.

I got no Google hits for Koubai pink, but Yurushiiro pink I did…so here you go. Yurushiiro pink was a pink that wasn’t banned by the emperor of Japan back in the day where he had more power. It seems to be a shade somewhat similar to cherry blossoms.

Tokiiro pink = rose gold and Yoshino cherry white = a pinkish-white.

Nerikiri is a type of wagashi.

Some of the subs got cut off! Grr, CR! So, here’s my attempt to translate what they have on that board of Redhead’s: after “butterflies”, there’s “plum” (ume), “bamboo shoots” (take no ko) and “new leaves” (wakaba). CR definitely used a longer word combo in place of “new leaves” though, so I could be wrong. That writing’s pretty scribbly, after all.

Redhead is Tsubaki (see? I have a horrendous memory when it comes to learning things for the first time)…so who am I missing?

Sakuramochi. It’s that grainy sort of pink, leaf-bound mochi you often see in shows like this.

Gure seems to like his Italian, doesn’t he? Is he half-foreign or is this just being a fan of the language of pasta?

“…think about the spring sunshine.” – So why the cat background?

Okay, I’ve found whose name I’ve forgotten. Sui (brunette).

Tokishirazu salmon. LOL, that salmon’s perfect for Tokitaka!

I don’t think they showed the chopstick holder earlier, but it’s a heart. It really is cute!

Interestingly, this woman brings to mind the idea of meiwaku when she says that it was her fault.

Oh, they weren’t heart shaped, they were cherry blossom shaped! That makes a lot more sense! (The shapes are similar though…)

Makunouchi bento…that sounds familiar, for some reason.

Hanami dango. I’m sure you know them, even if you’re not familiar with the name...so long as you’ve watched enough anime to see them at least once.

Ah, I bet Gure is a happy drunk, LOL.

Hah? There’s Sui (when he was younger)? Not in this episode, no…There was also a Tsubasa Fujita who was voiced by Hibiku Yamamura. I assume that’s the woman we were following today, but it might’ve been her friend or someone in a later episode…

Manjyu chazuke. I had to use the Japanese words to get some hits (as opposed to the romaji I just used), but whoever said that thing about Ougai seems to be correct.

Omusubi seems to be another name for onigiri.

Sencha.

That seems like less of a drop than I first thought...it’s going to be tough to cut down on all these shows. I’m clearly being affected by how much I opened up my watchlist, because remember those days where I’d only take on two shows a season?

Kakuriyo 2

Wow, the oni really has it in for her now...or is it really that hard to get a true read of him?

I somehow wagered the tengu was going to remind Aoi of her old man a few seconds before she did just that. That’s a bad sign...

Would a tengu have been too heavy to fly if it were drowning?

Seriously, this tengu never thinks of flying. I’m laughing, but I’ve realised this show’s strength seems to be its humour more than anything.

The airship has the kanji for “Ten” (from Tenjinya).

The pace of this show goes like molasses, so I think I’ll put it on hold here.

Lupin III Pt V 2

“Did you finally start caring about the environment?”

Holy helicopters, Batman! The AW609...exists!

“...Lupin used to escape!”

They’re being chased and yet still have time for hotpot, LOL. Never change, Lupin. Never change.

I never thought I’d see the day where a situation like the one Ami’s in could ever be talked out of in anime. Normally a scenario like that one is played for drama...

I guess even Lupin has a moe instinct, LOL.

That social media service looks a lot like Twitter, eh?

Apparently Shinpei Mayama is new this episode...Keep watching.

The Flea? He looks more like a hikikomori monster to me, LOL. (Boueibu reference, don’t mind me...)

I get the feeling I should know these people that are all showing up, but I feel like I don’t need to know about their backstories to appreciate them going forward. Thus, I will keep this show. Once again though, it’s a tentative keeper.

Saredo 2

I’m zoning out...I need to drop this show, don’t I?...

Soleil? Is that Gayus’s surname? (Basically, I got roped back into watching it with one reveal, LOL. I’m such a finicky person.)

One Hundred Ways to Train Your Dragon, more like it, LOL.

Oh great. Every time they have a religious figure, the show always seems to go downhill...(thinks back to Vatican Miracle Examiner)

Wow, “pessimistically optimistic”€. That’s quite the paradox!

The power of politics is to back up one voice with lots of voices, so...uh...about that, Cardinal Mouldeen...

“Come on, you slaves of authority.” - LOL. What a name.

“[Gigina’s] a sword dancer...” - Oh, so that’s why sinners dance with the dragons! A “dancer” is a magician in this world.

Okay, seriously. How did I not see how bad this show was in the first episode? If your side characters are more developed than your main ones, you’ve got a problem.

I’ve never seen a man more dedicated to fantasy-style IKEA than Gigina, LOL. At least that’s fresh.

I don’t think I even want to document this for later, but who the heck is Diorg?

I completely regret praising the rapport between Gayus and Gigina now. You can have some great convos when one member of the convo’s drunk, but this is a bit of a mess of a convo, tbh.

Even without the big names, I suspected the woman was connected to the black dragon...

This is a show where property damage counts, right? Gayus’ll throw a fit later, eh?

Okay, I think I’ve complained about this show way too much. Once I start seeing something in a negative light I start to sound really critical, and a lot of the time it’s actually not as rewarding as hatewatches should be, which is why I haven’t tackled anything for hatewatch purposes yet. It’s just a fun-sucker, if that’s the case, and that was definitely the case with this show.

BnHA 40

Wait, why is the camera-oh, it’s just Mineta. Get off the audience’s case, Mineta.

Is it just me, or is it that every time I read “Wild, Wild Pussycats” I get this song in my head?

I love how the Pussycats are basically magical girls with those poses!

How did they not censor Dragon Quest??? (LOL)

Aizawa likes cats? That’s new, but it’s also very in line with what we know of him already.

Oh, I see. She’s a Christmas cake!

What does GG stand for in that context, huh? “you GG bastard”, hmm...

Between BnHA and Tiramisu, you’re definitely in luck if you like muscular boys!

I feel like Kota’s a hypocrite. After all, he’s at his aunt’s and his aunt is a rescue hero...

Kota is very much like Midoriya in a few ways, don’tcha think?

Kota’s name has a lot of water in it, doesn’t it? (Both kanji in his name have water radicals.)

Boueibu HK 2

For some reason, Wakura actually seems happy about his outfit...even though he criticises it.

I’m kind of confused about that “hammer and pigeon”€ thing myself, although hato = pigeon which you can vaguely hear in Furanui’s sentence.

I love Wakura’s serious face...seriously, I need to figure out who best boy is soon, eh?

LOL, I said platypus was kamonohashi, yeah? Kamo can mean duck and it can be short for “maybe” (kamoshirenai).

Wahey, Binanshi Contest! Was it no. 1704 last ep as well?

Well, spoilers beat me on this one, but Tawarayama was a principal after the other guy...but then what are the HK DC gonna do about an advisor?

Ehhhhhhh? This I didn’t see! Shuzenji calls Ata by that name!

The student council room hasn’t changed at all, I see.

“Get fat!” - Wow...(LOL)

Calling it now - Unazuki is a yes man. Very Arima-like...

Strangely, Maasa’s sentence doesn’t specify Furanui is “shrimpy” at all. He just calls Furanui “this thing”€ (konna).

Does this mean Maasa has a thing for cool belly dancer guys? Hmm? Or is it just the magic he’s impressed with?

That board on the wall of the student council room hasn’t changed at all, which is what tipped me off to my earlier comment.

Ritter = knight. So our ES are Diamond, Rose Quartz and Amethyst. There’s not as much of a pattern going through these guys as there was with the CA, but it’ll have to do.

Oh wow, that summary took almost half an episode! No wonder the DC ran off!

The massage thing really calls to mind the manga...

108 is a Buddhist number. I wonder if there’s any significance to that...

July 18th? Boy, another July baby (thnks back to En)...

Getanha are cakes from Kagoshima, where the Kirishima onsen is.

Lorbeerprinz says ”druck” is pressure...but...well, I never thought I’d see the day I regretted not learning German, that’s all. Sorry. I got nothing on this.

This shabu shabu stuff reminds me of the chikuwabu talk in LOVE! s1 ep 1. (nostalgia washes over everyone)

They definitely upped their 4th walling this season, eh? First the layout artist thing, now this “cut off by the frameâ” thing.

The river I’d assume is the Sanzu (river you have to cross before you die) and I guess the flowerbed has to do with that. Kyotaro is Fiore Kiss though...which seems somewhat ironic.

At least they’re fully clothed prior to this transformation...but I didn’t mind seeing them transform from their birthday suits last episode, either...

What is that? *squints* It appears to be Taiju’s phone. Atsushi’s last season was green so I can see why this one’s plum.

Applying self destruct boosters is a lot easier than it looks. (thinks to Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, where cake makes a character explode)

There’s a list of ground rules, including “let’s protect morals and manner”...whatever “manner” is. I guess the Furanui Knights, who aren’t actually on the ground, wouldn’t be subjected to “ground rules”, eh?

This one was clearly a case of “didn’t think of something for himself”, huh...

Do they have hot baths in Honyara Land???

Kamopapa’s VA was someone with the surname “Nishimura”...gotta look this guy up later, I guess. Seeing the actual visuals of the ED for once is so exciting, though!

The statement on the scroll in the back means “scholarship and the martial arts”, which is just another way of saying Ata’s a perfect student and is continually striving to be one.

Maasa’s hair antenna is a heart in the ED. That’ll get him charm points for sure.

Lookit them badass swords! They even have corresponding gems on them!

A-ha! I thought the final defeat song was Happy Ready. These marketing guys are too predictable...

For some reason, this ED is a lot more Detective Conan than the last one. I can’t quite put my finger on why though...

This next ep preview’s the best! I wanna quote it! “You know how there are things you see every day, but you don’t actually know what they’re called, so you just say “the thing” or “the whatever-it-is”? The next episode’s about that sort of stuff.” Update: It really is about that sort of stuff, this preview’s just uber-vague...

Mahou Shoujo Ore 3

Wow, they’re really leaning on the 4th wall this week, aren’t they?

The lyrics by and large really don’t make sense, so I feel quite thankful I’m not listening to the audio track right now, LOL.

(at “This way, squirrel!”€) What in animals’ name is this Pokemon? (LOL)

Hey, uh...is it just me or did both magical boy shows opt for the flashbacks this week, too?

What’s the age difference between Sakuyo and Mohiro? Kid!Mohiro doesn’t look older than 12 here.

“Thus concludes Sakuyo’s Thrilling First Love.€”

One thing I’ve noticed with lots of magical girls is that they have earrings. Arima (Boueibu) had them, but these guys do too.

“...looks so much like Mohiro-chan...”€ - Now that I look at Sakuyo’s magical boy form, he does kinda look like Mohiro eyes-wise...

God of Conquests? That refers to the main character of The World ____ Only ______, right?...Yup, I think so!

Have we been watching the same fight scene for almost an episode? Geez, flashbacks.

Can I like Mohiro-chan too? Because this eyecatch completely sold me!

The pixelation’s probably going to give me motion sickness one of these days (exaggerating), but if they overuse it, I’m definitely gonna go on about it.

Max Heart? I wonder if Astral’ll get it? I sure do, but I don’t know if he will.

I think I spotted a chick design on Mohiro’s jumper...?

Wow! Self-deprecation, much? (somewhat sarcastic) (The magazine this series ran in deals with BL, according to the blog header here. Mahou Shoujo Ore flip flops over that boundary, so you can see how it got into it...)

”Wherever there’s a magical girl, that’s where you’ll find me!”€ (Or should that be plural?)

Oh no, don’t even try going there, Sakuyo (laughing as I type this)...thank goodness they didn’t compare their...uh, hand grip. Yeah, the strength of their hand grip! (sweat sweat)

What was Saki drinking, wine? (somewhat sarcastic, somewhat skeptical)

Asano Shinbun is a parody of the Asahi Shinbun, one of the 5 biggest publications in Japan in regards to newspapers.

If you don’t remember from Mob Psycho 100, “mob” in this case means “just another face in the crowd”. Like the name ”Jane Doe”€ in English. The henohenomoheji style is a distinctive touch, though.

They’re being serious about the TV appearance thing? Never would’ve thought that, considering how that was a parody of Superman changing outfits in a telephone booth. Either that or some other superhero...

Golden Kamuy 2

Those pinecones sure look like prawns to me...

Ooh! OP! much hype, such wow. Also, a Man With a Mission OP is definitely something to keep an ear out for.

(in the OP) The letterboxing effect is cool here.

Sugimoto’s asking about tattoos because people with tatts wouldn’t be allowed into baths. At least, that’s the rule nowadays...

Karafuto.

This guy reminds me of Kaiji...or Akagi...or whatever the guy’s name is.

Gah, enough with the fire! This isn’t Blingee, for gold diggers’ sake!

Well, at least Sugimoto and Asirpa can take the skin nowâ...

The Ainu cooking show strikes again. Not that I’m complaining about it, it’s strangely interesting in an odd way. Not to mention the action mitigates any weirdness these parts might give the show.

Squirrel brain. Never in my life would I have dared to type that…until now. (Or eat it, but please don’t make me harm cute squirrels...)

I think Iâ’ve seen so many Shokugeki no Souma parodies/variations, I kind of expect every (pseudo-?)cooking show to do something like it. The fact Golden Kamuy didn’t do it surprised me in that way.

This guy! He did a Valentine’s promo for the show! His nameâ’s Shiraishi!

What a regular Houdini, eh?

This show is so comical in such a way you’d never see in another show. I love it.

Shiraishi with a raccoon on his head, LOL.

[sambashua]

orange sherbet

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEEPY @chipsandwaffles ??? what url to tag tbh well your birthday is tomorrow but ! here it is~ enjoy this shit show and congrats on being old:D thanks for being a great friendo!

Basically Doyoung works in an ice cream parlor and it’s really cheesy and cliche but the shop is based on the one they went to for the boy video if you want reference i guess❁ this is just...actually 2k words worth of pure trash

Your shoes clacked along the pavement as you made your way home from university. Another long day of classes left you tired, cranky and, of course, hungry.

Ducking between tiny patches of shade to avoid the beating sun did little to help in the relentless humidity, and you sped up to make the stoplight.

As expected, you just barely missed it.

While you huddled in a sliver of shade cast by the traffic light, you spotted a colorful shop out of the corner of your eye. It couldn’t hurt to take a quick peek before the light turned again right?

As you inch closer you can see the delicate pink paint and large windows decorated with neon signs that reveal an inviting ice cream parlor. You glance over your shoulder to check the light, and after ensuring it was still red, you slip inside the glass door.

The rush of cool air was enough to knock you off your feet, but you merely stumbled in from the humid air. You faintly register the delicate ring of a bell signaling your entrance.

An overwhelmingly sweet scent clung to the air and enveloped you in a blanket of icy sugar.

The shop was empty, which could be expected on a late Thursday afternoon in that heat, and surprisingly small. A metallic counter took up the majority of the space with shorter counters along the windows lined with seats.

Just as you were mustering up the strength to go back outside and brave the heat once more, a door behind the counter swung open and a beautiful boy stepped out.

Well not a boy, a young man? He looked to be near the same age as you. Just as you were about to run out to avoid having to interact with a real person, he spoke up.

“Hi! can I help you?”

Instead of letting you respond he listed out the day’s specials and gestured to the different cup sizes all while smiling brightly. Your mind cranked, trying to string together enough words to form some sort of coherent sentence in your overheated and sleep-deprived state, but the ice cream boy prattled on.

“So you could get one flavor or a mix of two for the same amount!” his voice dropped and he leaned closer and cupped a hand around his mouth. “I can even throw in three flavors if you want. It’s been a super slow day and I’m the only employee here.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but he was off again, running his mouth at an impressive speed.

Damn does this kid ever stop talking?

His sentence trailed off as he tried to explain how every flavor was made in-house and their ingredients were imported from the finest blah blah.

“I’m so sorry, ah, my friends always tell me I ramble when I-“ he blurted out awkwardly.

Your jaw slacked when you realized why he changed topics, “Oh, shit did I say that out loud? Fuck- shoot sorry for cursing.”

He shook his head and laughed a bit at your equally flustered state, “I’m Doyoung by the way. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before?”

You offered your name in return and shrugged, “I guess I’ve never noticed it.”

The growl of your stomach echoed above the soft music playing, reminding you that you had places to be.

Doyoung smiled again (or had he ever stopped?), offering his services once more.

Choosing your favorite flavor and sitting at the window, he settled down beside you and continued to strike up conversation. Or rather, continued to babble as you listened. He was so damn cute you didn’t even mind.

“Really, do you ever take a breath?” you teased.

“Usually no one has anything interesting to say,” he shot back.

You rolled your eyes and shifted your weight so you faced away from him to continue eating your ice cream.

You could sense Doyoung’s pout before you turned to look. His lips sunk down at the corners with eyebrows furrowed above sad, dark (and cute) eyes. Despite yourself, you felt a tug at your stupid heart.

His face returned to a blinding smile as you punched his arm and told him to go on.

“You’re cute when you’re annoyed,” he said.

❁

Your shoes clacked along the pavement as you made your way to Doyoung’s ice cream parlor, like every afternoon after your classes.

The bounce in your steps reflected your excitement to see the talkative boy. But you’d never let him know that. His ego was already big enough. You simply pretend you need a place to escape the heat and your obnoxious roommates.

Although you’d never admit it, your daily visits to the shop were the highlight of your day.

After sitting at the corner near the window all afternoon studying and savoring the ice cream flavor of the day, you now perched atop the counter beside the cash register and watched Doyoung count the money and rush around the shop clearing surfaces, sweeping and straightening every last chair.

“You know this would go a lot faster if you helped,” your friend complained.

You scoffed. “You’re the one getting payed Dodo! And I’m busy.”

He rolled his eyes are you turned back to tapping away at your phone. That didn’t keep you from stealing glances at him and smirking to yourself.

A soft laugh escaped you as he bumped his head as he tried to stand after reaching a paper underneath a table.

He turned sharply and pointed a finger, “Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, punk.”

One hand instinctively slapped over your mouth and you saluted with the other. “Yes, sir!” you said with your eyes still crinkled in amusement.

❁

Your shoes clacked along the pavement as you hurried to the parlor, later than usual.

Upon entering the shop one afternoon, you registered Doyoung wore a baseball cap which partially covered his orange (;)))) hair that you’d definitely need to steal later. You also noticed that the usually quiet store bustled with movement.

Nearly twenty boys crowded around the small counter, practically blocking Doyoung from view. Dodging elbows and shoulders, you narrowly managed to squeeze through the throng and darted behind the counter to hide behind the safety of Doyoung and the cash register until the group dispersed.

Instead of the look of stress you expected to see etched on Doyoung’s soft features, you saw a look of calm and even… anticipation?

“Y/N!” Doyoung grabbed your wrist before you could reach the alcove between the wall and the freezer and pulled you into his side. “See, guys? I told you I had a girlfriend!”

“Gir-?!” Doyoung quickly pinched your bicep with the arm he had wrapped around your shoulders, cutting you off.

“Can you believe these dorks thought I could never find a girl to tolerate me long enough to date me, babe?” Before you make a second exclamation he continued on. “Y/N, these are my friends from my uni club I told you about? Remember?”

You leafed through your memory and vaguely recalled one of Doyoung’s long rants involving the boys in his performance group teasing him often.

Playing along, you wrapped your arms loosely around his waist and nuzzled your head into his chest.

Fuck he smelled so good.

“Doyoungie, why didn’t you introduce me to your friends earlier?” you whined and put on a pouty gaze to look up at his chin.

You felt him exhale a breath and smile proudly. He owed you, like, at least five free ice creams.

Doyoung tried his best to introduce all his friends but the seemingly endless smiling faces began to blur together. You vaguely remembered a Mark and a few J names and a Tae-something? It didn’t matter much because Doyoung looked so happy to be talking with his friends. Your hand fisted into the fabric of his shirt as you saw a grin light up his face and adorably crinkled his eyes. Fuck.

The tallest boys smiled broadly, “I’m so glad you finally got together with Y/N, Doyoung. You haven’t shut up about her for months!”

You couldn’t stop your jaw from dropping, but, luckily, Doyoung’s hand was right there to shut your damn mouth.

❁

As soon as Doyoung closed the shop door behind the last of them, he turned on his heel and looked at you grimly. Your foot tapped rhythmically on the tile and you crossed your arms expectantly. Doyoung offered a sheepish (ha) grin and laughed breathily.

“Heyyyy-“ he scratched the back of his neck, while drawling on. “Hmm… wasn’t that something…”

“Oh, so now you have nothing to say?” you asked with raised eyebrows.

He looked anywhere but at you, and made a move to the register, but you stepped in his path. With a quirk of your head he stopped mere centimeters away. His proximity almost made you want to catch your breath and step down and drop your questions. Almost.

“Don’t you have anything to say?”

“Y/N,” he lifted his cap to run a hand through his hair, still avoiding eye contact. “I have to close up the shop.”

You scowled as he tried to move past you one more time. A hand on his chest froze him in his tracks.

“Doyoung, I swear to fuck. Fucking talk to me, you loser.” You couldn’t keep the scowl on your face from turning into a pout as he finally looked into your eyes.

“Why hadn’t you just told me to act as your girlfriend or whatever before? You could have given me a heads up!” you said.

Doyoung let out a sigh and his hand ran along the back of his neck, “I just-” he paused. “I just didn’t know how you would take it… I don’t know it’s dumb. I’m sorry.”

“Doyoung, it’s no big deal really I don’t-”

“It’s a big deal to me!” he cut off sharply.

You took half a step back in surprise. Why was he so worked up about this? But you let your hand fall that you hadn’t even noticed was still rested on his chest. He sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes slowly. His face scrunched up and he let out a long sigh.

“I just, fuck. I really like you, Y/N. Okay? But I don’t want to make things weird between us, so I act like everything we do isn’t a big deal even though I think about every second we spend together and think about how it would be different if I could just kiss you or hold your hand or tell you how much I like you. I want to grab your face and tell you how fucking cute you are when you pout or when you get mad at me or when you’re studying or watching me work while you pretend to be on your phone. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me when you make me laugh or how much joy you’ve brought into my dumb life when you walked into this stupid store. But I don’t want to do anything because you just think I’m a loser and a weirdo and I-”

You cut him off abruptly by pressing your own lips roughly against his and unabashedly throwing your arms around his neck.

The force of your sudden act caught Doyoung off balance, and caused a chair to topple over loudly. But he somehow was able to keep upright, and wrapped his arms tightly around your waist.

“You are a weirdo, you loser.” You breathlessly managed once you broke apart. “But that’s why I like you, too.”

Doyoung smiled so brightly heart began to swell with joy.

He brought your lips to his again.

[evenstevensranked]

#27: Season 2, Episode 1 - “Starstruck”

Ruby desperately wants to win a radio contest to sit in on boyband BBMak’s recording session. Meanwhile, Louis finds an incredibly lucky penny and milks it for all it’s worth.

Wow, guys! Season 2 opens with the BBMak/Lucky Penny/Louis gets a makeover and looks smokin’ hot and Ruby develops a crush on him and I'm like "girl, same" episode!!! Let’s do this.

Alright, so within the first minute of this episode we learn that Ruby is absolutely obsessed with BBMak (a boyband that actually existed and is now unfortunately so irrelevant that some younger viewers of today assume they're a fictional band) and she’s trying to win a contest to go to their recording session when they come to Sacramento. She’s been listening to the radio on her pink, cheetah print walkman for hours on end trying to make sure she’s the lucky caller. Ren is concerned that her intense devotion may not be healthy.. but, Ruby insists she’s not obsessed with them. Her bedroom and behavior says otherwise: 

At school the next day, Louis ends up finding a lucky penny which leads him to experience the best few days in a row ever. It kicks off with him narrowly escaping death and his big history test being canceled due to their teacher’s monkey having babies. The usual. If you binge watch the show, like I’ve done more times than I care to admit, the first few seconds of this scene are shocking because Louis' voice is obviously deeper and he looks obviously older. Yet according to Disney logic we're supposed to believe he's still in 7th grade, lol nah. Maybe at least the second half of 7th grade... We've gone over this before.

Louis seconds away from potentially dying over a penny.

Like I've mentioned, Disney is notoriously bad at airing episodes out of order. So here, we get an episode featuring Ren’s old friend Nelson. The only issue is that this aired 6 episodes before Thin Ice, which is Nelson’s formal introduction. The only explanation I can think of for this is that the Disney execs thought the BBMak thing would make a stronger season opener and switched up the airing order after they were already shot sequentially. I guess they assumed, or hoped, no one would notice or care that there's a new character we've never seen before just chilling with the gang like BFFs lol. According to Wiki at least, Season 2 was aired horrifically out of order when you compare the production code to the number it aired in the season. Like, WOW. For example, this episode was shot as Episode 13. I think that says it all.

No wonder Louis seems so jarringly older in this episode. He’s totally younger in the episodes that were supposed to air during the front half of S2.

Anyway, both Ren and Nelson are concerned about Ruby’s wellbeing now. She has practically turned into a fanatic zombie. They approach her and she says “I haven’t slept. I haven’t eaten. Do you really think I wanna chat?” completely zoned out of her mind. Yeah, I’d be worried too. We also see that she’s not doing her schoolwork either. Her entire binder is full of BBMak, including this rather disturbing pop-up: 

Continuing his string of good luck, Louis gets to eat Principal Wexler’s extravagant birthday lunch for whatever reason and ends up winning a free fashion makeover courtesy of "Fruity Fruit Cocktail." ....ok. Tawny starts to get freaked out and Twitty simply says "I'm starting not to like you" which is understandable, because Louis is quickly slipping into another arrogant phase due to all of the luck he's been having.

Ren and Nelson give Ruby an intervention to stop her ridiculous obsession with BBMak and wanting to marry one of them. Why is this something that never goes out of relevancy? This is still happening today. It’s perhaps more relevant than ever with the rise of internet fandoms and socials like Tumblr. Teens are literally spiraling into genuine insanity over bands like never before. As long as there are teen idols, there will be teen idol fanatics. Can’t really go wrong with a plot-line like this. Ren tells her "You deserve a real life person who's gonna be perfect for you" - Ruby agrees and decides to turn over a new leaf.

The new and improved made-over Louis comes waltzing in, and just like that Ruby replaces her BBMak obsession with a Louis obsession. She’s just blown away by his beauty. Same, tbh. Y’all already know that I HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH AND THIS EPISODE KILLED ME!!!! Now that I think about it, this very well might've been the episode that solidified my everlasting fondness for Shia LaBeouf.

This isn’t even overdramatic. Ruby is so me. 

Even Ren and Nelson tell Louis that he looks stunning! Well, “stunning” was Louis’ word, not theirs. They just agreed with his conceitedness, lol. Suddenly a bird comes flying into the house and lands on Louis’ shoulder. Of course, it happens to be Pecky -- a missing bird with a $50 reward. OF COURSE!

The next day, Ruby happily tells Ren that she has officially moved on from BBMak. There’s a new guy in her life! Ren is so excited until Ruby reveals the new object of her affection to her: 

Um, is this my room circa 2001 or Ruby’s? I honestly can’t tell. Also I would so buy that big’ol poster of Shia on her closet door. That thing has made a few appearances throughout the series. It’s kind of iconic looking, don’t you think? Maybe that’s just me... 

Just thought I’d mention: Ren asks her “How did you get these pictures?!” and Ruby explains “I downloaded them from the internet. Louis has a very interesting website.” Do I even want to know? Aside from the implied potentially disturbing content, part of me wishes Disney had some sort of interactive fake louisstevens.com website or something like Nickelodeon did with amandaplease.com! 

Tawny insists that Louis' lucky streak is nothing but “admittedly weird coincidences,” until Louis calls in to win the huge BBMak contest and......... wins. I love how he acts so blasé about it. The DJ is so excited and Louis is all "Eh.. What can I say? This whole charmed life thing is getting kinda old." Also, the DJ in this scene, who appears two more times in the series, was one of the many actors recycled for That’s So Raven. He played a news reporter on that show. Similar field. Huh. 

Ren believes that Ruby is simply rebounding with Louis and decides to show her his nasty bedroom to make her realize she doesn't actually like him. Ren also tells Ruby that he’s rotten and selfish, which... Is kinda true sometimes, oops. But at the same time, that scene always makes me a little sad inside. Louis is a good guy at heart, Ren!!

Just then, Louis appears in the doorway asking "What are you doing in my room?" and we get this incredible exchange:

(credit)

Louis then proceeds to very unselfishly invite Ruby to the BBMak recording session which only reinforces her crush on him. 

Okay. We finally make it to this darn recording session! Thank god. Louis might as well’ve brought his entire extended family because he brought four freaking people along with him like it’s some free for all. You usually don’t push your luck when you’re gifted something like that... but, oh yeah. Lucky penny. I freaking love this bit where Ren whispers to Ruby “Woo! He’s gorgeous...” referring to Christian from BBMak, and Ruby says “I know.......” in reference to Louis! LOL. 

Ren is so disgusted and once again Ruby is me.

Shia has been gorgeous in my eyes for nearly my entire life!!!!!!!!! Apparently I'm weird because I've seen so many memes about him that say things like "He was that ugly, weird kid on Even Stevens and then he magically became good looking" I'm just sitting here like??? Y'all are about 14 years late to the party.

Louis and Twitty get distracted by a table with free cheese on it, which honestly is the best part of any and every function or gathering. Not even gonna lie. While hanging around the cheese table, Twitty decides to seize the opportunity and give BBMak an Alan Twitty Project demo tape of “Sacramento Girl.” (YESSSSS!) They lie and say they’ll check it out — but immediately stuff it under a block of cheese. As a musician, I can confirm that this is too real. It’s impossible to get successful/established artists to take you seriously. I met Fall Out Boy at a local radio junket once and slipped Pete Wentz a demo. I never heard anything, sooo... It stings to know that he most likely hid it under some cheese the second I left. 

BBMak are looking for a ‘Sacramento sound’ (whatever that is) and encourage Louis to play some tambourine on their track! They tell him “If this works out, you could come on tour with us!” If only it was that easy to land a national gig in real life. Ruby mentions in passing that she needs to tell Louis how she feels, and TAWNY IS NOT HAVIN’ IT! Omg. She kinda gets jealous of Ruby’s crush and they start a small argument over him. Ren cannot believe what she's witnessing and I love it. Also, Christy looks fantastic here? Whoever did her hair and makeup: Good job!! wow!

Unfortunately, Ruby’s attraction to him is short-lived and comes to a screeching halt the second Louis loses his penny during his tambo solo, jumping around like a lunatic with no rhythm. (Again, HOW does he become a drummer later on? It’s a mystery.) It’s very subtle, but you can tell once Ruby starts finding Louis "odd and annoying," that Tawny is secretly happy about it and still obviously likes him unconditionally even though he's literally insane. Same, Tawny.

So, yeah. Louis loses his penny and his luck runs out. BBMak basically kick him out of the studio. I love how Louis asks them “What about the record and the touring?! What about BBMak-Stevens?!” as if the conversation ever went that far. It’s great. I might’ve spoke too soon about Shia being gorgeous because the faces he makes when he realizes the penny is missing from his pocket are the furthest thing from the adjective: 

It is hysterical, however. And that outweighs everything else here, so.

This episode ends on an AMAZING note: A super cringy music video for “Sacramento Girl”! What more could you ask for?!?! We get some Twitty-Stevens Connection action here and it’s something to behold. 😂  Be on the lookout for Shia doing his classic “shirt-over-the-head” thing he does, HAHA. You can tell some of the vocals were done by middle-aged men (probably Jim Wise) which makes it even more hilarious. My favorite lyric has got to be the Grammy award worthy: “Before I met the girl I had it made... Now she scores higher than the whole arcade. YEAH!” And of course, the episodes’ immortal last words "TAKE THAT, BBMAK!!!!" will go down in history.  

That’s it! I honestly don’t even know why I’m ranking this one “lower.” It’s probably one of my personal favorites but.. Idk man. There are simply other episodes that I like more, lol. This is a totally solid episode though! Super memorable, pretty strong humor (including music-related humor... which you know I love!), and two awesome plot-lines that blend really well! But, even with all of that.. something felt slightly flat about it when re-watching. It could possibly just be from me watching these episodes waaay too much, tbh. It also probably has something to do with it being a “special” episode with guest stars and whatnot. Episodes like that tend to feel like totally separate things to me. 

At this point, we’ve officially reached the REALLY REALLY GOOD part of the list, though. So I don’t feel too bad about placing it here. There are no “bad” episodes from here on out. Well, there are no bad episodes of Even Stevens in general really. But.. you guys know what I mean.

I’m probably gonna regret and rethink this entire list once I finish it anyway so, lol. 

Thanks for reading! 

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[carey-pricemas]

Bunny Butt- Auston Matthews

Ok so I'm really sorry this one is late! Today did not go as planned! And expect tonight’s to be late as well (I'm not doing ok with this series tbh)! Ok so this is adorable and I hope you guys like it!

Warning: mentions of alcohol

Anon Request: Heyy absolutely love your writing!! Could you write one with Auston where he calls you something cute for the first time and it's in front of some other people and you get a little bit surprised ?

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

              You and Auston were not one of those couples to use pet names.

              All the other boys called their significant others babe or sweetie or love (or in Mitch's case whatever ridiculous name he could think of at the time for Steph).

              You weren't against them, in fact it was quite the opposite. You loved them.

              But Auston didn't.

              So you were just you and Auston.

              No bunny butt or pumpkin for you guys.

              Nope. Just (Y/N) and Auston.

              Which you were totally fine with. You were just happy to be with Auston, something you repeatedly told the girls when they asked you about it.

              So when you went out as a group to celebrate the Leafs making it into the playoffs, you weren't expecting anything to change.

              You and the girls sat at a table away from the boys so you could chat and gossip and they could talk hockey. You weren't sure why this was different any other time you guys went out, but Mitch insisted it was a celebration. The boys took turns coming over to check on you girls and get you more drinks.

              What you were not prepared for was Auston's turn.

              "You good babe?"

              At first you didn't know who was speaking. It was loud and crowded and so you were surprised when the hand landed on your back.

              "Babe?"

              You turned to look, surprised to see Auston.

              "What?"

              "Are you ok?" he asked, brows furrowing. The other girls giggled as you continued to stare. "(Y/N)?"

              "What did you call me?"

              "Oh my god" Sydney burst into laughter.

              "How much have you had to drink?" Auston asked looking at your half-full beer.

              "No! Stop stalling! What did you call me?"

              "...(Y/N)?"

              "No! Before that!"

              "Seriously" Auston said. "Are you ok?"

              "NO!" you squealed. "You called me 'babe'!"

              "Ok...? I've called you that before" he said, now giving you a strange look.

              "No you haven't! You Auston Matthews, Mr. Walking Meme, HATE pet names!"

              "No I don't" Auston said. "You're being weird."

              "No!" You turned to the other girls. "Has he ever used a pet name?"

              "Not that we've heard, but who knows what goes on behind closed doors" Lex said with a wink. The girls then dissolved into more giggles.

              "Ok" Auston said slowly. "I think I'm going to be the one to cut you guys off."

              "I don't care about them!" you said. "You called me babe!"

              "Why is this such a big deal?" he asked.

              "You NEVER call me pet names. You never call me honeybuns or bunny butt or any sort of silly cute name!"

              "I won't call anyone bunny butt" he said. "Why is this such a big deal?"

              "Because you love me!"

              "(Y/N)... babe... bunny butt... whatever you want me to call you, you knew I loved you."

              "I know!" You bounced in your seat. "But this is big! HUGE!"

              "Why?"

              "Because you dropped your cool macho act for ME!"

              "Babe, you're being ridiculous." You squealed and the rest of the girls cheered.

              "You did it again!"

              "This is where I'm going to pay my tab and take you home." Auston turned to head to the bar when he heard Lexi stage whisper to you.

              "So he can call you bunny butt in private."

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

Ok I really have no idea where bunny butt came from but it's cute and funny so... let me know what you thought! Up next: (late) Mitch Marner!

[piesforjack]

LISTEN Y'ALL, HERES A CANADIAN COLLOQUIALISMS AND MANNERS GUIDE

because frankly i’m tired of the misuse of our colloquialisms/slang/vernacular/manners/habits in fic so it’s time for this canadian to set the record straight!!!!!

1. “sorry”

i feel like y'all really miss the boat on this, we (henceforth read as: canadians) say sorry ALL. THE. TIME. it's not a joke!! it's real bad!!! i apologize to furniture when i bump into it, y'all!!!! SO if you wanna give jack and ransom some real authentic canadian lingo, have them apologize for nothing worth apologizing for, not just in excess when they do something actually worthy of apology

examples (all based on REAL LIFE things i’ve done): 

*someone bumps into you* (even though it wasn’t your fault at all) oop sorry! 

*not having exact change in your hand when paying for something so you take a second to pull out a nickel* sorry!

*dropping something near/in front of/beside another person* oh sorry!

*asks for substitution or change to a burger or sandwich* sorry, yeah can i get this instead of this? (and have crippling anxiety while asking  just me? hoookay that sounds fake but!!!)

2. holding the door open

listen i didn’t realize how distinctly canadian this was until i was abroad for 2 weeks and felt the real switch from small acts of manners and kindness replaced with absolutely no fucking care in the world for any human that isn’t you. stairwells and doors and any form of public transportation are an “every person for themselves” kinda deal and it’s weird. i will always hold the door open if i notice someone behind me (if i don’t, you bet ur fuckin ass i apologize for not holding it open) 

examples:

even if i get to a door first, if i notice someone behind me i’ll hold the door open for them and let them go first. this isn’t even an age or sex/gender thing, people will do this for anyone, not just the elderly or the female.

if someone holds the door open for me, i’ll pass through and say thank you and if there’s a second set of doors (like in some bookstores and malls and stuff they have those little foyer-like rooms before the actual store) i will hold the door open for them on the second set. always.

3. “bud”/”buddy”

truly a canadian staple that does not get utilized enough!!!! i can’t think of a single person in my life i haven’t called “buddy” at least once, including my lil ol’ grandmother. though typically when i use “buddy” i’m cussing someone out (see examples below!) we sound particularly minnesotan when we say "buddy” which is why i think a lot of people think we have this ridiculous accent (because FUN FUCKIN FACT: the canadian accent is NOWHERE NEAR THE LEVEL OF MINNESOTAN!!! we. do. not. sound. like. that. only “”””bros””””” (typically hockey bros (see: sidney crosby) or “country” boys (see: literally any fucking canadian boy who hunts/fishes/wears a cowboy hat unironically)) sound like this, the canadian “accent” americans mock? totally fucking fake mOVING ON)

“bud” however, that’s a sweet lil thing. it’s actually very much a term of endearment, so to say, i’ve only ever used it when talking to children and s/o’s. it’s not the only term of endearment canadians ever use (ahem, fic writers take note of that) but it’s definitely one that people use and it’s very cute and soft™

examples:

*cussing someone out over a video game/a joke that i have no comeback for/bad driving/etc.* “get fucked, buddy” “oh you’re fucked, buddy” “yeh fuckin right, buddy” etc. etc.

*accidentally taps child on the back of the head* oop, sorry bud!

*s/o says “i love you”* aw bud, i love you too

AND THE RARE BUT SOMETIMES SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE: “BUDDY” AS ENDEARMENT ie. “aw c’mon, buddy, you’re doing great!” (this is most often done by (hockey) bros to children, but i’m sure there’s other situations where this happens)

4. “oop”

again, another one i didn’t realize was canadian until buzzfeed said so. but tbh i use this one so fucking much i’m so sad that i haven’t seen a single fic where jack or ransom use this. it’s like...oops without the ‘s’? that’s really it, but it’s not just for “oops” situations, it’s like a expletive for many things and you just kinda gotta feel it in ur gut, i can’t really explain how/why i know when to use it so tread lightly, but know that this is probably the most popular right up there with “sorry” in terms of usage.

examples:

*watching hockey, fave team almost scores* oop oop oop! awwww f*#$U$%*#$%*! (they didn’t score) or oop oop oop! YAAAAAAH HELL FUCKIN YEEEEEEEEAH BABY WOOOOO!!!!!!!! (they did)

*bumps into someone* oop sorry!

*surprise burp* oop sorry!

*fumbles with something, almost drops it* oop oop oOP!

*does drop something* oop.. *picks it up*

*dodging and weaving through a crowd* oop, sorry..oop oop sorr-- oop!

5. “no problem”

now my understanding is that this is more an age thing than it is a canadian thing, but i feel like in true polite canadian fashion this phrase gets used more and more by a wider demographic than it originally started with. this is basically a replacement for “you’re welcome” because imo “you’re welcome” makes it sound like you’ve done someone a huge favour for them, and i mean, it seems weird to basically say “yeah, you ARE thankful because I HELPED you so yeah BE THANKFUL!” when someone like..holds the door open, y’know? like i said, i’ve heard this is a generation thing and lots of younger people say this instead, so it could be more widespread, but not many other countries say “thank you” as much as we do, so. who really knows tbh.

examples:

*holds door for someone, they say thank you* no problem! (because really, it wasn’t a problem, it was just the nice thing to do and it didn’t cause me any trouble at all to do it. you don’t have to be thankful for this act of kindness but fuck u if u don’t say thank you for it anyway, buddy)

*works in retail, helps someone find something* no problem! (because again, it’s not a problem, esp in this situation it’s my fucking job to help y’all so like? duh?? but same rules apply, if you don’t say thank u i’ll fucking remember it, pal)

*works in retail, can’t help someone find something, customer has to leave/find something else/etc* “alright, thanks anyway” “yeah no problem, sorry!” (because fucking duh, you get it by now)

6. FUCKING “EH”

HOOO FUCKIN BOY WE NEED TO HAVE A CHAT ABOUT THE ATROCITY THAT IS FIC WRITERS EXCESSIVELY AND IMPROPERLY USING THIS TERM. here’s some things to fucking clarify RIGHT FUCKIN NOW: we DO NOT end every sentence with “eh”, “eh” is not always a fucking question, it’s not said how you think it is, “eh” isn’t always tacked on to any fuckin sentence.

okay cool now that that’s fucking out of the way...”eh” is more often used as a filler word, not always like an “um” or a “uhh”, more like a “hey” or a cheer like “ehhhh!” but it’s not as often used as people like to write it into conversation. as of right now i can’t even remember the last time i used “eh” when i wasn’t making a fuckin mockery of how americans THINK we talk. 

“eh” has different pronunciations as well, each one has a different purpose and place in speech. eh pronounced like “a” is usually a cheer (like “ehhhh!!! we fuckin won!!!), pronounced exactly like its spelled is like a question (like “eh? i can’t hear you.), pronounced like “ayy” or “hey” without the “h” is like a greeting or after someone burns someone with a comeback or ur fave song comes on in the club etc etc

basically, what you’re noticing is that “eh” is actually more widely common than you fuckin think it is. it’s not exclusively canadian, and YES!!! there is the stereotypical “eh?” or “eh!” that certain pockets of people will use, again it sort of falls under that hockey/country bro-ish type (to clarify, because idk if i did this or not, “bro” is a gender neutral term, girls or otherwise can also be bros, i use it neutrally, sorry if that wasn’t clear!) but again!!! it’s not used at every turn and it’s VERY unlikely that if you went up to a canadian with ur shitty “eh?!” impression that they would be anything more than stone-faced and weary at your attempt at humour.

examples:

eh, how are you?

eh, to-may-to to-mah-to

FUCKIN. EH!! (usually an expletive when something amazing happens, usually about sports, usually more specifically about hockey, but u knooow)

*making a decision that takes some thinking* ehhhh...maybe?

*hesitantly wanting to go past/around/through a crowd* eh...excuse me...oop sorry! oh go ahead..no problem!

7. bonus canada facts for fleshing out ur stories/hcs!!!

canada has our own football league, yeah i fucking know. all those tropes about jack and ransom not knowing football? actual garbage, they probably know the basics at the very least. if they like football, ransom probably roots for the toronto argonauts (whom most people fuckin hate, along with the maple leafs (hockey team) because canada has this *thing* with toronto, i won’t get into that right now but just know, majority of canada wants nothin to do with toronto sports teams) and jack probably roots for the montreal alouettes because duh (alternatively he roots for something hella random like the saskatchewan rough riders, whom, as a manitoban, i hate by birthright) some of the CFL rules are different from the NFL but yeah, canada has a football league so. kill that trope.

jack and ransom probably know something about curling and/or can actually curl!! curling, btw, is an ice sport where you throw rocks at other rocks (not like, just any old rocks, it’s...just google it honestly i don’t wanna try and explain curling) i know when i was in school curling was always a part of gym in the winter because we had outdoor rinks nearby or one of my elementary schools actually made a curling rink (with the circles and everything!)

“canadian tuxedo” is double denim. meaning, denim shirt, denim pants = canadian tuxedo. jack is 1000000% guilty of doing this.

canada gets real fuckin cold but it also gets real fuckin hot, especially in central canada but also other places too. jack being overwhelmed by georgian heat is probably real HOWEVER he’s not a total dumbass who can’t function in the heat. canada’s weather is a fuckin gong show regardless of global warming so like, jack will sweat but he will not melt into a puddle

yeah anyway here’s a list of obscure canadian things (and some that are just #90sKidThings) ransom and/or jack probably know/love aka me going tf down memory lane!!!: don’t you put it in your mouth,  stay alert stay safe, the talking tv that scarred me for life, “moooom aiden cut me half again!!!”, they probably believed north american house hippos were a thing for a long ass time because they didn’t understand the point of the commercial, tales from the crypt aka my fave show, the weekenders!!!, jack probably loved art attack because sensory things!! visuals!! calm voice!! basically bob ross for kids!!!, BEAR IN THE BIG BLUE HOUSE!!! HOOOMG, if you don’t know what this is I’M SO SORRY YOU MISSED OUT ON THE BEST THING EVER, ransom 100% had all the stuffies of these guys, out of the mcfuckin bOX, ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM, G2G OFF TO DRAGONLAND, you knew you were up TOO LATE if you were watching this, i could cry this show was so fckn good jack 100% loved this, idk if this was just a canadian thing but i fckn LOVED THIS ONE SO MUCH

honestly i could go on for fuckin ever but i’ll stop because god bless anyone who actually watches all those links lmao

i hope this was helpful!!! not tryna be a twat but i just wanted to clear some stuff up because i feel it’s my duty as a canadian to help y’all out, ok??? okay luv u bye thanks for reading!!!

[sage-nebula]

In terms of heroic achievements which pokemon protagonist do you think accomplished the most/least?

I’m assuming you mean objectively, in terms of the player characters we see in the games, rather than my specific ‘verse, so I’m going to go just based on what we see in the games without applying any characterization. So that said, let’s just list out their heroic accomplishments, shall we?

RED / LEAF:

Forced Team Rocket, an organization equal to the mafia irl, to disband.

Defeated Green, who was acting like a power hungry twit, and took his place as Champion. I’m counting this because Green being so drunk on power would have made him a terrible Champion for Kanto.

ETHAN / LYRA:

Forced Neo Team Rocket to disband (again).

Defeated Lance, who was acting like a power hungry twit in a different way, and took his place as Champion. (i.e. Whereas Green crowed about being “THE MOST POWERFUL TRAINER IN THE WOOOOORLD!!!!111!1″, Lance was going around berating children and siccing his dragonite on unarmed trainers. Both were power hungry, but they just demonstrated this in different ways.)

BRENDAN / MAY:

Stopped Team Aqua/Magma’s various villainous activities all over the region, similar to Red/Leaf and Ethan/Lyra with Team Rocket, ultimately making both (depending on the version) teams disband.

Confronted the legendary pokémon (either Groudon, Kyogre, or both, possibly primal) and captured them in order to avert/end the apocalypse.

In ORAS, captured Mega Rayquaza, and then rode Mega Rayquaza into space in order to capture/defeat Deoxys and avert another apocalypse, this time via meteor.

DAWN / LUCAS:

Confronted Team Galactic’s terrorism head-on in numerous instances, similar to the other anti-Team examples above (but more extreme in this case when you remember what happened at the three lakes). This ultimately resulted in Team Galactic disbanding, especially when Cyrus was trapped in the Distortion World in Platinum.

Confronted the legendary pokémon (Dialga/Palkia/Giratina depending on the version) and defeated/captured them to stop Cyrus’ plan/avert the world’s destruction. Possibly also traveled to the Distortion World to do this.

WHITLEA (LEA) / BLAIR:

Fought through the Elite 4 at double speed in order to try and reach Alder before N did, though this endeavor ultimately failed.

Stormed N’s castle to face him / revive the legendary pokémon as the other Chosen Hero. This endeavor ended in success.

Fought Ghetsis after fighting N in order to end Team Plasma’s regime once and for all and restore the government of Unova back to what it was before N/Team Plasma took over.

Helped Looker track down the remaining Sages of Team Plasma so that they could be arrested and held accountable for their crimes.

ROSA / NATE:

Combated Neo Team Plasma’s criminal activities all over the Unova region, particularly since Lea/Blair had left this mess to be cleaned up in favor of hunting down N instead. Ultimately, this led to Team Plasma being disbanded again, once and for all this time.

Helped sort out the mess that Ghetsis and Colress were making with Reshiram/Zekrom being fused with Kyurem. This helped restore Unova back to its original state (i.e. not frozen)

Helped N confront Ghetsis.

SERENA / CALEM:

Combated Team Flare across the Kalos region, and ultimately stopped Lysandre’s mass genocide attempt by capturing/defeating the legendary pokémon he was going to use to power the ultimate weapon. Lysandre then killed himself(?). Team Flare was disbanded, but Malva is still at large for reasons unexplained.

Helped Looker stop Xerosic from forcing Emma (as Essentia) to commit petty crimes across Lumiose City. This culminated in Xerosic’s arrest.

SUN&MOON BOY / SUN&MOON GIRL:

Stopped Team Skull from being nuisances at various instances, and also rescued a yungoos they stole for the lulz. (As in, they stole it for the lulz. I can’t imagine why else they’d waste their time stealing a yungoos from a preschooler.) Ultimately forced Team Skull to disband. This is only arguably heroic, however, as Team Skull were never truly threatening, and they seem to be a bunch of severely impoverished teenagers led (kind of) by a severely emotionally unstable, potentially alcoholic abuse survivor. They were never actually helped, so ymmv on the heroism of just disbanding them and then leaving them to fend for themselves.

Helped Professor Kukui overthrow (at least partially) the religious oligarchical style of government Alola has operated under for centuries to create a League instead. “Helped” is used loosely here, however, as Kukui did pretty much all of the work himself, and all the Sun/Moon PC did was take the throne when the time was right.

Stormed Aether Paradise in order to rescue Lillie and Cosmog. Succeeded in rescuing Lillie, however, Cosmog was tortured and reduced to its second-stage evolution.

Traveled with Lillie to retrieve the second flute, and help Nebby (now a Cosmoem) evolve (into either Solgaleo or Lunala). 

Traveled into Ultra Space to aid Lillie in confronting Lusamine. Battle Lusamine/Motherbeast while in Ultra Space in order to protect Lillie and stop her nonsense, even though tbh she wouldn’t be hurting anyone if she was just left alone in Ultra Space with the Nihilego like she wanted. So, again, YMMV, since the world wasn’t actually in danger anymore (and her kids would be much, much, MUCH better off without her).

Assisted Looker, Anabel, and Nanu with tracking down and capturing the Ultra Beasts that had been unleashed on the world. Since the Ultra Beasts were shown to be legitimately dangerous, this is probably the most heroic act under the Sun/Moon PC’s belt.

CONCLUSION:

So with all of the feats listed out above, if we made a list of Most Heroic to Least Heroic, I think it would look like:

Brendan / May (as of ORAS)

Lea / Blair

Rosa / Nate

Dawn / Lucas

Serena / Calem

Sun&Moon Boy / Sun&Moon Girl

Lyra / Ethan

Red / Leaf

Brendan/May averted two (2) apocalypses as of the ORAS remakes, and one apocalypse aversion resulted in them flying into space on a giant dragon in order to battle a sentient alien virus. If that’s not heroic, I don’t know what is.

Lea/Blair had their entire regional government overtaken by a totalitarian dictatorship, and they resisted this despite not knowing whether or not they were going to be able to awaken their chosen dragon. They also succeeded in this, and then took the time to help Interpol hunt down the remaining Sages before they left on their own personal quest. Especially considering the fact that they originally faced N without Zekrom/Reshiram, I’d say that counts as pretty heroic.

Rosa/Nate did similarly, but their quest was mostly focused on cleaning up the remnants of Lea/Blair’s quest, which is why it comes in third. However, they do get extra points above the rest given the fact that Kyurem was steadily icing the entire region, and they helped stop/put an end to that. So they do still have a respectable third slot.

Dawn/Lucas get the fourth slot because Team Galactic pulled off actual acts of terrorism, such as bombing lakes and mass killing the pokémon inside so that they could capture the lake guardians and then torture them in order to create devices to restrain the mascot legendaries. They also, as of Platinum, went into the Distortion World itself to deal with this threat and avert that apocalypse. That’s pretty damn impressive, and to be honest I’d be tempted to swap them with Rosa/Nate. The only reason why I’m not is because Unova was literally being destroyed, whereas Sinnoh (aside from the lake bombings) didn’t face a similar threat (like, Cyrus was going to remake it in his image, but the Unovan people were actively suffering due to the ice; the Sinnoan people weren’t suffering like that yet). It’s close, though.

Serena/Calem are up next, and while they do get major, major props for averting a mass genocide (which is a very big deal), they also lose some heroism points because, prior to Lysandre announcing to everyone that he was about to murder everyone who hadn’t paid him an exorbitant amount of money to be saved by joining Team Flare, Team Flare didn’t actually pose very much of a threat. The most threatening thing I can remember them doing is taking over the Pokéball Factory, and that wasn’t a very big deal. Serena/Calem also lose some points for not doing anything about Malva, and they also didn’t really do too much in the post-game subplot (instead, they were mostly our vessel for watching that story unfold)—and even if they did, Emma/Essentia’s crimes were mostly petty, although they were escalating in violence. So all in all, while Serena/Calem were very heroic by stopping a genocidal maniac from, you know, committing genocide, the rest of their feats (or lack thereof) land them in slot five.

The Sun/Moon PC has the most items on their list, however, most of their feats are dubious at best due to Gen VII’s shaky (at best) writing. While they certainly accomplished some of the most amazing things (riding a massive sun lion/moon bat into Ultra Space certainly sounds/looks impressive), the true weight behind them is skewed when you realize that the morality behind their actions is so tenuous (i.e. Team Skull clearly needs help, and yet they were offered none), they really didn’t do anything at all (i.e. Kukui formed the League while the PC did fuck all), or the world was never really in danger and everyone would have been better off had Lusamine been left to rot in Ultra Space. The only inarguably heroic thing that the Sun/Moon PC accomplished was the post-game subplot, in which they actively worked to save people from a very real and present danger. Otherwise, they didn’t do very much, and though Lillie credits the PC wholesale with helping her, I would argue that Lillie accomplished what she did as a result of her own strength and mettle, not because of the PC. Therefore, they’re sixth.

Lyra/Ethan come in at slot seven, the reason for this being that they … didn’t really accomplish very much. I’m being generous by giving them defeating Lance simply because he wasn’t a good Champion, but other than that the most they did was disband Neo Team Rocket, who weren’t posing any major threat to the world. That said, Lyra/Ethan did directly combat some of their more villainous activities (the Slowpoke Well, the Mahogany Town experiments, Radio Tower takeover), and since they had the bravery to stand up and stop Neo Team Rocket in those instances, they get slot seven …

… versus Red/Leaf, who come in at dead last. The most Red/Leaf did was stop Team Rocket’s activities in the Silph Co. building, and defeat Green (and again, I’m being generous by giving that to them). That’s it. Team Rocket wasn’t even posing that serious of a threat to the world (even less so in Gen I than Gen II), and so while it was still brave of Red/Leaf to do something about it, it’s not like they were saving the world. Therefore, they come in dead last since they objectively accomplished the least.

[loverofanimals]

Shippy Fic Drabble: Hannah x Sam

Note: So I was literally half asleep while I wrote this so it came out really shitty. Basically, I wanna make these little shippy fics for every pairing with Sam. Sam x Josh, Sam x Beth, Sam x Chris, Sam x Ashley, etc. 

Not sure what pairing I wanna do next tbh. 

She didn't think she'd ever get used to the Washington's home. Large, Victorian style. One of the only few Victorian style homes in the area, and old. Old old old, but crammed full with minimalist furniture. It wasn't like their winter lodge Sam had seen pictures of. Not...decked to the nines in Native American cultural décor.

That wasn't to say that it wasn't a lovely house, because it was. Deep red, cherry wood floors, perfectly glossy, always clean. There was nearly glass everything and simple hanging light fixtures. Each room decorated...well...minimalistically.

But the house had that feeling to it. Like when you were watching a horror movie and the main family buys that large house packed full of bedrooms, and the first thing out of their mouth is Look how beautiful this place is right before knives started flying across the room and shit.

“You can take your shoes off, you know.” Beth chuckled, looking up at the girl standing awkwardly in the door as she disrobed her own hoodie and sneakers off, pulling an orange leaf from the shoe laces and depositing it on the floor to be swept up later.

“Nah, I think I'll just...stand here a while, you know? Because that one awkward and out of place piece of furniture that every house ends up getting.” She joked, flashing the short haired girl a smile. Reaching up, she unzipped her own jacket and shrugged it off her shoulders as the sound of too heavy footsteps came from the kitchen, followed by some...collaboration of stupid noises.

“Whoa-ho,” Josh stopped, head whirling around to look at the two girls standing just in front of the door, a smile twitching to his lips. He rubbed his hands together as Sam exposed a couple of bare shoulders. It was Autumn and things were getting chilly, but not chilly enough where Sam felt the need to pull out her winter wardrobe just yet. “Don't tell me you're stopping there Sammy.” He teased, looking at her top approvingly.

“Har har, Josh. Funny.” She smiled, looking at him playfully. She was in a thick strapped, lacy white top that zipped down the front and went down, nearly covering the short, upper thigh length denim miniskirt she donned. And to even it out, a pair of stockings that looked nude until the knee before they transitioned into fluffy white clouds.

God she loved those stockings.

“Well, I do try.” He replied, a warm, slightly flirty look to his features. One that made her flush a little as he shifted a little closer, her blonde hair cascading down her shoulders as he looked at her.

“Yeah, well, try in the other room, jerk face.” Beth joked, pushing him back and into Chris who emerged through the doorway to the kitchen almost right behind him. The blonde held his hands up, gasping dramatically as if it were some sort of attack. And just like that, Josh was going along with it, falling back into his friends arms, right arm swinging up to wrap around Chris' shoulders.

“How could you, Beth? Attack my beautiful, beautiful friend so harshly!” He pulled Chris' head down into his chest and dramatically sniffled, sucking air through quivering lips. “Oh, oh Chris.”

“Dude,” Chris struggled a little, laughing but seeming slightly in pain. “dude, dude, my nose is all sorts of tweaked out of whack.” He muttered, though his lips were muffled by his friends chest. Sam watched on in intrigue, finding the entire thing hilarious.

When Josh didn't let go, instead, petting the blondes spikey blonde hair down and playfully sobbing, Chris closed his eyes. In a matter of seconds, Josh stopped, face twisting as his jaw dropped in pain -although there was a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. He squeaked, laughing a little, then pulled away, hand over his left nipple.

“You bit my nipple.” He looked down at the hard nipple, poking up beneath a slightly wet section of his t-shirt.

“You were crushing my nose, dude. Had to do it.” Chris replied, smile on his face as his friend rubbed his chest.

“Wow, I had no idea that that was all it took to get him to stop.” Sam grinned, looking at the two big idiots in front of her. “I would have done that a long time ago.” She added as Beth rubbed her forehead seeming embarrassed of her older brother.

“You're always allowed to bite my nipple, Sam.” Josh teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I'll keep that in mind.” She shot back, although fairly sure she was never going to take him up on that offer.

“Can we stop this whole...nipple play going on?” Beth asked, pretending to be more stuck up than she actually was. Beth sometimes acted like she wanted nothing to do with Josh, but that was just her way of playing around with the older teen, and he knew it. Beth was always willing to defend Josh to the bitter end, even if it meant her getting a black eye or two.

Not that he really needed it. Josh was very capable of handling himself, and on top of that, he was fairly likeable -even if he was considered the weird kid at school. “You can head up without me, Sam. I'm gonna grab something to snack on while we chill, ok?” She smiled, turning and looking at her friend. Sam nodded and grabbed her phone from the jacket she wore over and slipped past both Josh and Chris to the stairs across the small entry way room, past the doors that lead to the living room on the right and the kitchen on the left. A door leading down to the basement tucked into the side of the stairwell on the left hand side while the hallway narrowed, a closet stashed away in a small nook between the left wall and stairs.

“Yeah, Sam, it's uh, up the stairs and down the hall to the left, past the stupid girly looking rooms with the butterflies on the door-” Josh hollered up after her. Beth looked at him confused for just a moment before she pulled her beanie off and hit him with it, her hair sticking up everywhere but still managing to look flawless.

“Uh, that's your room.” Sam replied, turning to look at him, slowing her ascent up the steps.

“Yeah, and sadly, you're going to have to leave those clothes outside in the hall. You know...cooties.” He replied, innocent look on his face. The blonde behind him turned his head as he chuckled, his hand going up to his hair, fixing what was mussed up from the headlock earlier.

“Josh!” Beth growled, lifting her hand to slap him, the boy lifting his own hands instinctively and pulling away, laughing as she swung, easily deflecting the half-assed hits. Sam laughed and shook her head as she watched. Those two were horrible. It was any wonder why she loved them.

“Welp, now I have to bra bomb your bedroom, Josh. Beware, your nerd crap is gonna be covered in cooties.” The girl shot from her spot on the stairs, making the response sound as close to a threat as she could through the wide grin on her face.

“No! Chris, stop her!” Josh gasped dramatically, his hand outstretching to the girl on the stairs. And of course, just like any friend of Josh's, Chris tensed right up and ran for the stairs, making it as comical and dramatic as he could. Like some shitty re-enactment of an action scene in a movie -and she could probably name which one it was off the top of her head.

Turning, she raced up the steps, Chris clamoring after her. The sound of his feet and hands pounding the steps behind her drew a scream from her lips, then a hand grabbed her ankle as she laughed. She tripped, hitting the steps, a thick body climbing over her, arms around her waist. She screamed again, laughing as she clawed at the carpet. “No! Chris get off!” She squirmed.

“I got you Sam!” Beth shouted, the sound of her feet coming up the steps, then the feeling of a body hitting the body that had her pinned to the steps reverberated through her spine, making her cheeks flush and her body tingle as the smell of cologne hit her nose, Chris grunting in her ear. “Go Sam! Go!” Beth shouted. Then another set of stairs, and a final body -who she could only assume was Josh joining the dog pile on the steps.

It was just enough action going on for her to be able to wiggle out of Chris' grip and dashed off up the rest of the steps.

Reaching the top of the steps, she fixed her skirt -which was nearly pulled down in the dog pile- and laughed. She made her way down the hall, looking at the family photos on the walls.

They were all photos she'd seen half a thousand times, but every time she looked at them, she felt a strange sense of nostalgia. There were photos of Josh and a couple girls, like his middle school dance with a girl named Katie West. They dated for a while, she remembered. When they broke up, Josh was crushed, but he'd agreed that it was for the best.

Josh was dating another girl now. Some...Felicia Cummings.

Sam didn't know who she was, really. She was a college freshman who had been a senior when Josh was a Sophmore and they'd been together for nearly a year and a half now. He rarely spoke about her unless she was brought up in conversation.

She's too busy or She's ok is all Josh would say on the matter. Hell, Josh talked more about Chris than he did his own girlfriend, but something told Sam that Josh wasn't really...he didn't really want to date Felicia. After what happened with Katie, he'd been kind of...sucked dry of his dating urges. So either he just wasn't interested in dating but was too much of a sweet heart to break it off with her, or he had his eyes on someone else but wouldn't pursue them based on the fact that that wouldn't be fair to Felicia.

Music drifted from down the hall, pulling her mind off of her best friends brother's relationship. Classical music, she knew who that was.

Smiling, Sam made her way down the hall to the white door with the butterflies on it. It was open a crack, though kept mostly closed to keep the sound of her music from floating out into the hall and bothering anyone else.

Reaching forward, Sam gave a gentle knock before pushing the door open, popping her head inside. The song was recognizable now. Aria Da Capo by Bach.

Sam wasn't a fan of classical music to be honest. Not saying she hated it, or didn't like it at all, she just preferred other types of music to the older genre. As ridiculous as it sounded, Sam preferred Melodical Dubstep -something mechanical yet gave the light, airy, emotional feeling of being in flight. Something you'd imagine standing among the milky way watching the nothern lights dance across the stars.

“Hey,” She greeted, smiling at the twin as she sat at her desk. Hannah popped her head up, hair pulled back in a messy bun, wearing a light, white, furry looking sweater that hung off one shoulder and a pair of pink shorts.

“Sam!” Hannah smiled. Pushing herself from her desk, Hannah stood and made her way over to her friend, giving her a tight hug. “I was wondering what the screaming was.” She smiled, pulling away.

“Oh you know me, I love to scream.” Sam laughed, looking at her. There was...there was just something about her. The disheveled look as her hair fell from the bun in loose, loose ringlets. The way her glasses slid down her nose, and the necklace hung from her neck amongst her chest.

“That sounded wrong.” Hannah laughed lightly before pushing her chair back into her desk and making her way to her bed. She sat down on it, motioning for Sam to sit as well. As long as Hannah had known the girl, and how many times she'd been over either to visit or spend the night, she was surprised she still had to invite the girl for a seat, or to lay down, or make herself at home.

Maybe it was just her manners.

“So, tell me what happened.” Hannah bounced a little as she bent her left leg, tucking it beneath her right one which hung over the edge of the bed. Sam cocked an eyebrow as she made her way over, sitting on the foot of the bed.

“What happened with...what?” She looked at the girl confused.

“With David Lareu.” Hannah gave her a light tap on the arm with the back of her hand, giving her a playful scold.

“Oh,” Sam groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “David.” To be totally honest, she'd wanted to forget about that so badly, but she'd forgotten that she had told Hannah she was going to ask him out before the twin was pulled out of school for two weeks for a minor surgery.

“Sam?” Hannah looked at her friend concerned, seeing the expression on the girls face. She was afraid of what that look meant. She was afraid that maybe her friend had been hurt, or humiliated, and when Sam spoke, it only confirmed her suspicions.

“Well, what happened was, I went up to him at lunch and asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend, and like every boy with wonderful manners he said well I thought you were a lesbian.” She replied plainly, mocking him in an exaggerated, deep and idiotic sounding voice.

Hannah's eyes closed, lips parted as if she'd just been slapped, a strand of hair falling in her face. She turned her head, unable to believe the nerve of the boy to just...out right say that. Especially to Sam. “So, as you can guess,” Sam continued after a minute of silence, laying back across the girls bed, her hands on her stomach. “his friends started laughing, and half of the cafeteria thinks I'm a totally lesbian.” She replied, a bitter smile on her face. “God I can't wait for those people to grow the fuck up.”

“Sam...God, I'm so sorry.” Hannah replied, her voice soft and sweet. She sounded sad for her friend which sent a small pang of guilt through the blonde, although she couldn't tell what for. “Boys can be...they can such jerks. They should know that there's no way you're a lesbian.” She defended, patting her hands on her knees frustrated.

Sam looked up at her, the light of her bedroom soft against her tan skin, her eyes glittering even behind the slight glare on her glasses lens. “Well, not completely.” Sam admitted, joking around a little. Although it was true.

For as long as she could remember, she'd always harboured a small crush on her friend. Of course, who didn't? She remembered a small time when Josh's friend Chris had a crush on her, and a handful of boys from school. Hannah was...she was one of kind, even if she was an identical twin.

She was so soft, and delicate. But she was strong, firm, but oh so sweet. Her smile was like the smile of an angel, and the way her eyes glistened even when she was deep in thought on a matter that was different than the one at hand. Or the way her gentle and musical laugh danced through the room like the soft ringing of bells. Or the way her hair shimmered like satin, cascading down her shoulders and back like a waterfall of black silk strands.

Hannah was beautiful. And Sam would have considered herself lucky if she could date either of them, Beth or Hannah.

No one really saw it; the differences between the two except one would characterize Beth as being headstrong and Hannah as being a pacifist, but it was so much more than that. Beth was like a diamond, strong and hard to break. She was funny and beautiful, like Hannah, but more...robust. Her personality -if expressed through art- would be more contrasted. Her lips bright and smooth chiseled from marble, and her laugh like an orchestral crescendo.

God, Sam had it hard for the girls, probably more than she had ever had it for a boy.

Shifting, Hannah laid down next to her and sighed, looking at her friend apologetically. Her hand reaching up lightly, fingers twitching as she rested her forehead on her friends, looking into her eyes. Sam stared into her eyes for a long moment, then reaching up, she linked fingers with her best friend, feeling the soft warm skin in her own. “I shouldn't have ever told you to do it, Sam, I'm so sorry.” Hannah replied, her voice timid and sincere.

“Sorry for what?” Sam looked at her confused. It wasn't like there was much for her to take the blame for here. She suggested Sam should ask him out, Sam did, David was an asshole and half the school thinks she's a lesbian because of him. “You didn't do anything wrong.” She insisted.

“But half of the school thinks you're a lesbian because I told you to just to up to him and ask him out.” Hannah returned. Sam's face crinkled a little. Keeping her fingers latched with her friends, she pushed herself up on her elbow, looking into the soft face of the woman beside her and shook her head.

“I'm pretty sure whether I asked him out or not, half of the school was going to end up thinking I was a lesbian anyway.” She replied, trying to convince her friend not to shoulder the blame of a completely idiotic situation. “And you know what? It's not even like they'd be 100 percent wrong anyway.” Sam replied, lifting her hand to push her hair out of her face.

Hannah gave her a curious look, as if she were trying to figure out what she'd meant by that, but after a second, it seemed to click. Hannah's cheeks flushed a little, her fingers tightening up as she held her friends hand.

“So it...it doesn't bother you?” She asked, her voice quiet.

“I don't know,” Sam replied, shrugging, her own voice sounding so deep and gravely compared to her friend. “does it bother you that I might be less straight than you thought?” She spun, turning the question around and redirecting it.

Sam knew Hannah's initial response to homosexuals. The girl was very open and accepting of any sexual orientation, but hearing that the bestfriend you've had since you were 5 years old is any level of lesbian could be a pretty big bombshell to some people. She didn't want that to get in the way of their friendship. She didn't want that to make Hannah pull away and nervous to be around her, so the pounding of her heart was warranted.

Hannah looked up at her friend for a long moment, not saying a word. Her eyes flickered over the blondes worried expression, their fingers still intertwined. Finally, she shook her head, rolling over so she was on her back so she could look at the other girl better. “No, I guess I kind of always knew.” She replied, a small smile quirking at her lips, one that made Sam's heart skip a beat.

Sam didn't say anything for a long moment, both of their eyes just glued to one anothers as they listened to the soft thrumming of piano keys. Then before Sam could stop herself, her eyes were closing. Leaning down, her lips gently caressed the twins beneath her, the taste of raspberry chapstick and lemon cookies mixing together for a raspberry lemonade jig across Sam's taste buds.

Pulling her fingers free of Hannah's, she reached up, cradling the other girls face as neither one fought to be free.

She relished the feeling of soft lips against her own, her heart pounding so hard it thrummed in her teeth, banging in her ears, drowning out the sound of Beethoven on the speakers across the room. Finally, what felt like forever, yet not long enough, the kiss was broken.

Licking her lips, Sam cleared her throat, looking into the face of the girl she'd been wanting to kiss since she turned 12. “I should...I should go find Beth.” She replied. Pushing herself up, she felt both incredibly excited, and angry with herself.

What had she been thinking, kissing Hannah like that? What they had was far too valuable to ruin with something like...kissing, or dating.

She rushed out of Hannah's room and continued on down the hallway towards Beth's room, hating herself for having pushed herself on her best friend like that. But she hated herself even more for running out on her after doing it. Hannah deserved better than that, but she knew that if she were to stay behind she wouldn't stop at a kiss, and she didn't want to complicate her friendship like that.

God...she fucked it up already...

didn't she?