#girl you are allowed to have a big emotional experience without turning it into content okay. just live. you don't have to perform.

[little-smartass]

so because I am nearly thirty and married to a man, I get advertised a lot of pregnancy content (sigh), and recently I keep getting shown videos of people/influencers/"content creators" documenting their path to getting pregnant, which, like, whatever, sure, but I am so fucking bewildered when those videos include footage of them sobbing over negative pregnancy test reveal after negative pregnancy test reveal because like ????? why were you FILMING that????

either it's staged and the footage is fake, in which case, what the fuck is wrong with you, OR the footage is REAL and they really did film themselves having a breakdown discovering they're not pregnant again, in which case, what the fuck is wrong with you? not every second of your life has to be a performance!!!!! that is a DEEPLY private moment! why the fuck are you just tossing that out there to the whole world! like maybe I'm just not the target market and it's now normal on tiktok to film every emotion you experience and share with the literal entire internet, but oh my god. why has this become a thing.

[alyssadeliv]

The Forgotten One

First      Previous

Chapter 12

They were going to the zoo. Richard had decided that after two months of her living in the Manor it was time to have some family bonding time. It didn’t matter that most of her time in the last months was used to get to know her new extended family or get reacquainted with her old one. 

He was adamant that she needed the full Gothamite experience, so here they were on a Friday afternoon on a crowded metro, listening as the oldest one tried and explained how Metro’s worked to her. He was so happy, gesticulating and smiling, that she didn’t have the heart to tell him that she indeed knew how the metro worked, having lived in Paris for almost two full years.

After Damian, Richard was her favorite sibling, mostly because she had always seen him as a role model, as part of her training had been inspired by him and his trapeze maneuvers, but she did enjoy the warmth that she tended to feel when he was around. He was patient and had no problem explaining pop culture references to her. Not that she didn't enjoy spending time with her other siblings, it was just that Richard went out of his way to make her feel accepted.

Tim was a very busy person, and their interactions were reserved to 3 a.m. coffee hunts. He wasn’t bad, just closed off, and a little wary of her after his first experience with Damian. Not that she could blame him. But she was a bit closer to his girlfriend, Stephanie Brown, who would come to have dinner at the Manor every week. 

And there was Jason. She refused to address him as her brother, that would just be plain weird. After the initial shock of finding each other again had worn out, it had taken a few weeks for them to finally address the elephant in the room. She could tell that he had struggled with the news that she was Bruce’s biological daughter.

“Dick, maybe speed the lecture a bit so we can still get to the zoo before it closes.” Jason was leaning casually against a wall, finding this whole situation funny. He was wearing jeans and his red leather jacket, nothing special, but if she was honest he looked rather handsome. 

“It’s fine Jaybird, I was just wrapping it up!” He says with a smile, just in time for them to catch the next wagon. Because they spent at least 25 minutes listening to Richard’s lesson, the metro had emptied a bit so they were able to find seats. It was just the three of them, the others would meet them there, after being picked up by Alfred, Damian after school, and Timothy after a meeting. 

“So… I know Bruce said not to ask, but I’ve been dying to know…” Richard starts unsure, afraid to cross a line. They were lucky to score seats in the same section, she was seated with Jason by her side, with Richard in front of him facing them both. “But how exactly did you two meet, I mean it was obviously at… Tibet-'' He caught himself before he could out them as members of the League, you never knew who could be listening in their conversation, so better safe than sorry. “- but why do you know Jason, but Damian didn’t?” 

With a glance to the side, she was more than happy to allow Jason to explain that part. In the two months she lived at the Manor she saw how much they wanted to ask about their relationship, but kept their distance. Aside from Damian, they didn’t feel the need to inform the family about their past. 

“Well, Pixie Pop here was the one to train me for the duration of my time in the Temple. Kicked my ass more times than I can count.” He says with a smirk, while casually butting an arm on the back of her seat. “She taught me most of what I know”

“Most of it?” She was indignant, but the smile on her face betrayed her true emotions.

“To be fair B didn’t totally suck as a parent.” She knew that he and Father didn’t have the best relationship after he came back from his time at the League, but according to Damian, it used to be way worse, not that she would know. Richard seems content with their explanation and didn't demand more information, even if he desperately wanted to. He respects their boundaries, and that only makes her like him more.

When they got to the zoo, Damian and Timothy were already there, but surprisingly Stephanie had tagged along, so now she wasn’t the only female in the group anymore, not that she cared, but she liked her brother’s girlfriend so the surprise was appreciated. 

She had never been to the zoo before, just to see the attractions. The times she went to fight an Akuma did not count. It was a bit sad seeing all these animals stuck in a cage, and she could tell her brother felt the same. Damian always had a soft spot for animals, and would not tolerate if they were being mistreated. Not surprisingly, the Waynes made annual donations to the zoo to ensure that all the animals were well taken care of. When she first heard about that she was glad that Father cared about Damian’s interests enough to pay to support every zoo and animal shelter in the city. It helped ease her guilt for abandoning him for two years knowing that now she was not the only one who cared for him.

They spend the rest of the afternoon enjoying the animals. And Dick was glad he chose to go to the zoo as a family bonding experience. When Damian first came into the family he had taken him there, after discovering that his younger brother absolutely adored animals and he was happy to see that Marianne liked it as well.  

Efficient as always, Alfred was already there waiting for them the minute they crossed the exit of the building. As she came to know, the men seemed to have a six sense when it came to all of them. Just by his aura, she could tell he wasn’t someone you wanted to cross, but she could see how much he loved each one of his grandchildren (because she could never kid herself to think of him any less than a Grandfather).

“I assume that today's activities were enjoyable.” The butler asks as he opens the back door of the limo for them. Richard enters first thanking the men.

“It was acceptable” Damian voices, as he too enters the vehicle.  

It was a bit of a ride, seeing that the Manor was almost outside of Gotham, but she didn’t mind. Seated between Richard and Damian she spent most of the journey chatting with everyone. But by the time they arrived at the house everyone was a bit tired, so dinner was a relatively small affair. But not uneventful, because as revenge for Bruce bailing on family day, the boys started sharing with her all the shenanigans of her father’s public persona, Brucie Wayne. It was amusing to see this new side to her father, always so reserved and serious. 

“If you are all finished sharing Master Bruce's embarrassing moments, I believe it is time for patrol.”  Alfred as always came to defuse the situation before it could implode. 

Because she spent most of the last two years fighting almost every single day, she decided that she needed some rest from her hero lifestyle. Even after her father asked if she would like to accompany them on patrols, she decided to turn it down for now. So while her family directed themselves to the cave, she made her way into her suite. 

It was a beautiful room. Although the color scheme wasn’t something she would have picked herself, it fit with the furniture rather nicely, and her artist side appreciated that. The room itself was simple, but the red colors and the dark wood made the room seem cozier than it was. With a double bed with a canopy, two bedside tables, a vanity with a mirror, and a wardrobe, it had everything she needed. Her Father had encouraged her to decorate her room the way she wanted, and she had been tempted to do so, but ultimately decided to wait until she settled into her role as a family member before she went and added more change to the mix. What she had been very close to doing was adding a desk so she could draw and design, but after she discovered that there was a big one in the library just a few doors from her room, she dismissed the idea.  

Quickly she showered and changed into something more comfortable than her street attire, before exiting the room and making her way into the library. It wasn’t as big as the one downstairs, but it had a big balcony that overlooked the gardens, so she liked to just sit in a shadow and sketch away. Damian had been kind enough to spare one of his unused sketchbooks and some pencils, knowing that she liked to draw just as much as he did. She leaned forward into the railing resting her arms and head, but still looking upwards.

The sun had already set, and she was glad that they were far enough away from the city that she could see some stars in the sky. Having lived in Paris, she had really missed all the stars she could see at night from her home on the League. One of her studies had been about the Astros, so she spent a lot of time as a kid contemplating the skies. 

“It’s going to rain soon” A voice comes from behind her. Without having to turn around she knew who it was. A smile appears on her face.

“Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for patrol?” She asks, straightening her body, but still not turning around. She could feel the person getting closer to her until she felt a presence at her side. 

“That’s the whole point. It's gonna rain.” He carries a hint of humor in his tone “And besides I prefer to keep you company, Pretty Girl. Besides, I believe Red Hood deserves one night off. The guy has been working hard.” He jokes.

With a smile she finally faces him. He had showered and changed, and without his red jacket, he looked so relaxed. It reminded her of their time in the League. Like that he looked so much like the angry boy she helped train. So young and while broken, so full of life and fight in him. He smirks at her but turns his face upwards to look at the night. 

“You always did love the stars.” He commented, not looking at her. “It’s sad that here you can't see them as much.” 

“It’s not that bad. In Paris, you couldn't see any. It was sad, but to be fair the whole city more than compensated for that. It’s beautiful there.” She recalled all the times she went on a midnight stroll around the city, just enjoying the architecture. “I could spend eternity drawing all the details in the buildings.” 

“Do you miss it?” He asks, looking at her. His tone is neutral, but by his body language, she can tell he’s anxious for her answer. She had always been good at reading him, and she was glad that their time apart had not changed that. 

“In a way…” 

She sighs.

“I liked the city, but I spent most of my time there fighting and training. Not much different from before. It was like everything changed but was still the same. To be completely honest… I miss our time at the League the most.” She confesses but hurriedly continues. “Don’t get me wrong, it was hard! But still… at the same time…”

“I get it.” He interrupts her. He has a small side smile, and the dimples on his face make her want to freeze this moment and draw him so she could eternalize him. Instead, she gets closer to him, seeking comfort in his presence at her side. He embraces her. Securing her in his arms, her body pressed against his, her head buried in his chest.

It was funny to think that the most capable woman to take care of herself he knew, chose to be vulnerable around him. It made him feel loved.

“I miss it too.” He whispered in her ear. She raises her head, just enough that she can see his face without removing herself from his arms. Staying like this reminds her of all the nights he used to sneak into her chambers. And they would talk and hold each other for hours. It felt like it was just yesterday the first time he got the better of her.

“Focus!” She yelled while landing a kick at his unprotected left side. “You are unbalanced- in three moves I could have you on the ground again” She punched him to his right, but he was able to block her and tried to deliver a punch of his own. His knuckles were bloodied, and he knew that in the morning his ribs would hurt. But at this moment he was high on adrenaline. She dodged. 

They were training for what felt like hours. But both were too stubborn to ask for the fight to end. 

But just as promised, in three more moves he was on the ground. He tried to get back on his feet to continue with the fight but was stopped by a foot on his torso.

“That’s enough.” She helps him to get on his feet. “You were great! You could have overpowered me so many times! I left you so many openings!” She laughs. This was routine for them. After a fight, Marianne was usually so pumped with adrenaline that she spoke at a mile per hour. “We really need to work on your tactics this week. Oh! You also need to improve your stance, you’ve been favoring your right side too much. I know your ribs hurt but you still need to protect your body as a whole.” She comments only stopping to take a large sip of water. “Well, I am spent.”

“You’re spent? I’m the one that has been eating dirt for the whole hour!” He complains indignantly. She tossed a water bottle in his direction, which he grabs and happily finishes in a single gulp.

“Just another reason you need to study more!” She grins. And turns to exit the room, and while walking to the door turns to him again. 

“See you in a bit” She winks. 

When they meet again they are in her room. She’s seated on the bed sketching some view, while Jason sits on the floor sharpening his knife. They chat casually for some time, but ultimately end speaking about their training session earlier. 

“That move would have totally worked!” He exclaims, knife long forgotten he now kneels facing her bed. 

“There’s where you are wrong, you need strength on your fist on both sides to push my torso, otherwise I would easily be able to doge only one. You need two punches at different sides in succession for you to distract your opponent!” She explains in a hurry. Her thoughts jumped around her head. 

“No way! If it’s strong enough, only one is needed!” He argues.

Worked up she threw her notebook to the side, forgotten. In a second she was up, signaling for him to do the same.

“There is no way. Stand there, pretend to be in stance.” She directs, and without a second thought, he complies. “Okay, so I come for your right side first, you are stronger there.” 

Her movements are slowed, as she demonstrates the move. “That’s going to distract you, and keep you focused on your stronger side, leaving your weaker one unprotected.” She shows him where he left an opening for her. “So all I need to do now is strike again, focusing more strength now. Either a punch or a kick would do the trick.” As she goes to demonstrate her point, he grabs the incoming slow punch and pulls her into his body. 

Unprepared she loses her balance, falling into his chest. In a second he secures her with his other arm, keeping her in his embrace. She feels her face burning with embarrassment. He caught her by surprise, and she felt ashamed.

“Hey that wasn't fai-” But he silences her, bringing his face closer to hers and giving her a heated kiss. It lasts for some time, but when they finally separate themselves he has a grin on his face.

“Just to be clear, I knew the move wouldn’t have worked. You just look cute when you're angry.” 

And before she can protest he shuts her up with another kiss.

So this is by far the biggest chapter! Hope ya’ll like it! We finally get the story behind Jason and Marianne. Let me know what you think!

Next

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[thomotomo]

Through everything part.1

Pairing: Namjoon x Male Reader

Summary: You have been dating Namjoon for a while. You’re now seeing him again for the first time in 4 years and both of you agreed on disclosing you relationship to everyone.  

Words: 3.5k

Today was a great day, maybe even the best day of your life, you were going to see your boyfriend after what felt like a lifetime without any physical interaction between both of you. In fact, it had been nearly 4 years since you last kissed you boyfriend.

Your boyfriend was an idol, Kim Namjoon from BTS, so he had a very tight schedule, and when he had breaks it didn’t always matched when you had breaks sadly. But this year, after a lot of discussions with him and him with his manager and the CEO, you were finally able to see each other.

You both met back in High-School when you went in Korea for an exchange that was organised by your school after they set up a pen pal thing between both schools. You ended up in his class, even though he wasn’t your pen pal, you discussed with him and both of you immediately hit off and you absolutely wanted to keep contact even after you left Korea.

It wasn’t easy every day, specially because both of you were in different time zones, so often you were the one who stayed up at night so you could discuss. You also sent each other packages, which was pretty expensive, so you didn’t do it often, probably for Christmas, each other’s birthdays and for each other’s new year (the “common one” and the Lunar new year). Luckily for both of you, your parents were cool enough to come in Korea every two days, mainly during summer break, so you could see each other. You also helped each other in your native languages and with English, soon you became fluent in both Korean and English and Namjoon easily spoke (your language) and English.

Slowly you fell for each other, you easily accepted your feelings, as you always wondered why you didn’t felt the same attraction toward girls like your comrades so in the end you agreed with your feelings pretty easily, but not saying anything to Namjoon, you didn’t want to lose the friendship you both had.

On the other hand It wasn’t easy for Namjoon, sexualities other than heterosexuality weren’t talked a lot, if not at all, in Korea, so he struggled to understand why he had such hard feelings toward a boy, especially when he knew he could still feel attracted to girls. Few times before you, he arbored a kind of a crush on other guys but tried to pass it as just finding them attractive and nothing else. He spent a lot of time online on anonymous servers, discussing about sexuality and trying to understand who he was and what his sexuality was. In the end he determined that he was fitting the definition of pansexual pretty well and thus, adopted it for himself and internet friends.

He thought few times about coming out to his parents, but he read so much stories of Korean who were left by their families once they came out, and even though he tried to drop clues about him and test their reactions to LGBT+ people on TV shows or something he didn’t find the force in himself to come out to them, too scared. He also kept that from you, in case you didn’t want to be friend with him anymore.

You both didn’t talk about your feelings to each other and life followed its pace. You congratulated him when he told you about the song he wrote for another band and when he spoke to you about the group he’ll be in. In return he was happy for you when he learned that you graduated high school and got accepted to the college you wanted to go to.

In 2013, when you were both 18 you organized your trip in Korea, alone this time, so you could enjoy “fully” the trip alone. You met Namjoon at the airport and congratulated each other for graduating high school. You went to deposit all your thing at the hotel, and then you both walked around Seoul, him showing you his favourite places since he started to live at Big Hit’s dorms. He was allowed to go back home so you went and installed a bed for you to sleep in. You were happy to see his parents once again, they were always sweet to you, so it was always a pleasure to see them again. It was the same day that you came out to each other.

Around midnight you were both laid in the bed when Namjoon whispered:

“Hey…”

“Yes?”

“Would you stay by my side no matter what?”

“Of course Namjoon! Why are you asking me that?”, you stood on your forearms, looking at him.

“I… Need to admit you something…”, he was still laid in the bed, looking at the ceiling

“You can tell me everything, I’ll be here to support you.”

He took a deep breath.

“I’m… Pansexual. I can be attracted to everyone no matter their gender...”

You smiled at him softly and sat on the edge of your bed.

“It’s okay, I have to admit something too then.”

He turned his head toward you, frowning a little bit.

“I’m gay, I’m exclusively attracted to men.”

He looked at you, a bit surprised. His brain was trying to understand what you meant as he sat on his bed too.

“You… Really?”

“Yep. Don’t feel ashamed to be you. It’s okay. If it’s not too indiscreet, are you out to your parents?”

“N-No… I’m pretty scared, you know I’ve read a lot of stories about LGBT+ Korean people that got thrown out of their households when they came out… And I’m becoming an idol, it could ruin my career and I don’t want to abandon my dream because of that…” He lowered his eyes, as if ashamed of what he just said to you.

You came closer, seating right next to him and hugged him.

“It’s okay if you’re not out, your safety always comes first. Don’t force yourself to come out if you’re not ready you’re not. I love you the way you are.”

“Y-You love me?”

You blushed, wondering why you said that. You looked away from him and tried to take off your hands from him but looked at you, whispering.

“I love you too…”

You flushed even harder and smiled at him while he was looking at you with bright eyes.

“(Y/N)… Can I kiss you?”

“Yes of course!”

Your faces slowly got closer from the other’s and your lips gently touched, his lips were soft, softer than you anticipated (and fantasized), you felt as if you whole body was set on fire. The kiss was a little bit sloppy, but you didn’t had much experience and you were pretty sure than he didn’t have much either.

You stopped kissing after a few seconds, air already starting to miss. You looked at each other and you observed a pink blush covering a great part of Namjoon’s face. He looked back at you with a bright smile and your heartbeat already fastened by all these emotions, quickened the pace even more.

“So… Boyfriends?”

“Yes Nam… Boyfriends.”

He smiled and hugged you before yawning. You smiled a little to him, touching his hair softly.

“Maybe we should go to sleep, you seem tired.”

“Yes, good idea. Goodnight (Y/N).”, he said as he left your arms and laid back in his bed.

“Goodnight Namjoon.”

You moved to your bed, falling asleep with a content smile.

This is how you spent the next 7 years with Kim Namjoon as your boyfriend, of course it wasn’t easy every day, as living in different time zones, and him being a full-time idol who grown more and more popular every day passing. Like every couples you had your fights and being unable to make up with either sex or cuddles was pretty frustrating. You were able to see him sometimes when he had breaks and you enjoyed and cherished those moments very dearly, but sadly you couldn’t see as often as you would. Nobody except your family knew that you were dating. Of course, at firsts your parents had been sceptical, thinking that it was just some hormonal teenagers feelings, but after noticing that you were serious and engaged in your relationship they supported you.

So here you were, inside your plane to Korea to meet your boyfriend you weren’t able to see in a while. You were quite excited, and the trip was long, so you slept for a long time, hoping that when you woke up, you’ll be in Korea or close enough. Sadly for you, you still had half of the trip that you still had to do.

You occupied yourself as much as you could do but luckily, in the end the trip went pretty quickly. You landed at Incheon airport after around 12 hours of flight, when you took your first steps on the Korean soil you couldn’t help but grin.

You took out your phone, sending a text to your lover, before going to the conveyor, reclaiming your belongings before going toward the public entry, you felt you phone vibrating, you opened it, it was a text from Namjoon that he was going to wait for you in a car at Incheon City Hall to avoid any commotions in the airport, he also gave you the brand, the colour and the first number of the car.

You moved as fast as you could to catch your bus, even though it was hard for you to know that you’ll have to wait for another hour before finally being reunited with him.

Once you reached the station you went to the parking and you looked around before noticing the car Namjoon was in. You grinned and trotted until you reached it. You knocked at the window and Namjoon perked, his eyes lighting up as he saw you. He got out of the car to meet you. Once he was close enough he lowered his mask and kissed you hard.

You felt a laughter bubbled in you throat. You put your luggage on the ground and put your arms around him. After a few seconds he stopped the kiss and put his mask back in place.

“I’m sorry we can’t kiss longer for the moment, but I want to avoid any risks for your to be exposed.”

“Of course don’t worry.”

He helped you with your bags and opened the trunk of his car where you put all your things. He closed it while you went to the front of the car and sat in the passenger sit. He came few seconds after you and took your hand with his, softly kissing it through his mask.

“I missed you so much (Y/N)”

“I missed you too… I’m glad to be able to spend some time with you.”

His eyes crinkled and he started the car, he told you that both of you were going back to his parents’ houses, it had been a while since you saw them (along with his sister) and you couldn’t help but being anxious about it, last time you saw them it was in 2016, and it was before Namjoon came out to them and told them you were dating. He told you they reacted pretty well, and it seemed it didn’t disturb them more than that when you did call with them, but it was the first time you’ll see them as Namjoon’s boyfriend and that was frankly scary for you.

After maybe an hour in the car you reached Namjoon’s family’s house. The car stopped and you felt you hand starting to shake slightly. Your boyfriend noticed that too and he took them in his hands.

“It’s okay, they love you already so much.”

“H-How?”

He snorted.

“I’ve known you for more than 10 years, and you didn’t saw my parents since I came out to them, of course you’re going to be stressed. It’s okay, they love you too.”

You nodded at his reassuring words as he quickly kissed your lips. You both left the car to get you things that were still in the trunk, you suddenly stilled when he closed it.

“I didn’t thought of that before but… How should I call them?”

“Aaah you worry too much love! Just call them as you did before they knew we were dating, it’s okay.”

You nodded and took you bags trying to calm down. You followed Namjoon until he reached the front door. He took out his keys and opened the door. As he did that and entered first in the house you could hear your heartbeat pounding loudly and you took a deep breath before following him.

“Appa! Eomma! I’m back and I brought back (Y/N)!”

As you took off your shoes you heard footsteps coming towards where you were located, when you rose you head both of his parents were here and Namjoon was kissing them hello.

You slightly bowed you head when they looked at you and quickly took your backpack.

“Hello Mrs. and Mr Kim! I’m glad to see you again… Erm here! I brought you a little something from (country) I hope you will like it.”

Behind them Namjoon laughed silently at your stress and you frowned at him discreetly. His parents told you to come closer and they hugged you. His mother spoke first.

“It’s okay (Y/N)-suh-bang, call us appa and eomma you’ve know us for a while and you’re dating Namjoon!”

You flushed bright as she called you her son-in-law, you weren’t engaged to Namjoon and she called you that way. Behind your boyfriend seemed to tell you with his eyes “See?”, you set your gaze back on his mother and smiled shily at her.

“Ah- A-Alright Mr- Eomma.” The back of your neck was burning as you said that, the new appellation being completely different from what you got used to.

His father stepped next, taking you hand in his and shaking it.

“Thank you for being friend and lover to Namjoon, you seem to take a great care of him, I’m glad he met you (Y/N).”

“I’m the lucky one A-Appa, he’s the one who brighten my days when I have a message of him.”

Namjoon blushed hard as you said that, and you flashed him a little grin. His parents thanked you for the gifts and you thanked them for allowing you to stay here for a little while.

“You can put your things in Namjoon’s bedroom, we will let you be lovebirds! Also, your sister will come later, she’s still in classes.”

Namjoon and you nodded before you moved your things into his bedroom. When all your suitcases where put in his bedroom he caught you off-guard by gripping your face with both his hands and kissing you deeply. You were surprised at first but then you relaxed and deepened the kiss. One of your hand slided around his waist, the other putting itself on his face. You sighed as his tongue poked at your lips and you gladly accepted it. You felt like two teenagers, but it was fair, it’s been a while since you got one of his mind-blowing kisses and you just wanted to pounce on him now. Sadly for you, you were in his parents’ house so it wouldn’t be a good idea to go all the way with his parents close enough to surprise you.

You stopped after a while, both of you panting Namjoon suddenly softly rubbed his nose against yours, making you laugh. He watched you with a little smile and suddenly looked a bit more serious.

“I… I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Of course, you know I’ll always listen to you.”

He took your hands in his and kissed softly your fingertips.

“I’d like people to know about us.”

“What?”

“I want my fans to know about us, I don’t want to have to hide even more than usually to go on dates with you. I want… I just don’t want to hide anymore, the other members know about us because we’re literally living together and I had to tell them. And the company only know that I have a significant other because . We’ve been together for like 7 years, it’s not fair that we have to hide even more because I just want to claim my love for you from the highest building of Seoul and I just can’t…”

You were shocked at what he said, of course you badly wanted to announce how in love you were with Namjoon but you were also very scared, you knew by watching scandals and all that fans weren’t always happy when and idol dated another. How would it be for an idol and a random who’s a male on the top of that?

“Namjoon… That’s… I’d like to do that, but have you seen how fans reacts to straight couples between two idols? How would they about us? What about your company? If they want us to break up or I don’t know, if they don’t allow you to see me anymore? What about your carrier it could affect the group badly too!”

“I’ve thought about that and I know it could badly impact my carrier but maybe it would help other LGBT+ Koreans to not be scared of affirming themselves, and yeah… I want to tell the world how much you count for me.”

You enveloped him in a hug, your eyes were stinging a little bit from hearing his confession.

“I can’t promise everything will be okay but I’ll be with you through every step of it.”

You nodded and kissed his shoulder; you couldn’t help being worried for his safety and yours. You stood there hugging each other for a few instants.

“Let’s stop thinking about that for the moment, we should just have fun. Let’s chill and you can tell me what you did for the last few weeks.”

You both sat on his bed and talked for a few hours until you fell asleep to him talking about his latest concert.

Later that day Namjoon’s parents came looking for you as his sister arrived home. They lightly knocked and opened when none of you responded and found you intertwined, your head lied on Namjoon’s torso as he was enveloping you protectively. His parents smiled and took a picture before waking up you.

You both went downstairs where you saw his sisters. The five of you ate dinner, talking about everything and nothing but mainly catching up with the family. Once the meal was finished you stayed talking a bit more before you and Namjoon retreated so you could go sleep. You had both discussed with the family about Namjoon doing his coming out and announce your couple and they had agreed that you should talk about that to the other members and mainly to the company. Namjoon had sent a text to his manager asking to talk about your relationship with you being present

Once both of you showered (together of course ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) you installed the bed and both of you cozied yourself under the blanket and cuddled with Namjoon. You spent a good time kissing and whispering sweet words to each other. After a while you once again fell asleep peacefully together.

The next morning Namjoon woke you up sweetly with soft kisses on your back. You sighed softly as he asked you to wake up so you could take the breakfast with his family. The thought of a real Korean breakfast was making you salivate, it actually had been a while since you ate a real one, as you couldn’t get any fresh ingredients to prepare it in (country).

You were about to put some “normal” clothes when Namjoon told you it wasn’t worth it as everyone would be in pyjamas.

You ate the breakfast with the family, eating a little bit more than usual as you missed that kind of food. After a good half an hour eating and discussing you both left to prepare yourself to the meeting with Namjoon’s manager.

He helped you finding clothes that wouldn’t attract the fans and paparazzi’s attention, hiding the bottom of your face with a mask and putting your hair under a cap. Once you were ready both of you went to the car and you could feel the adrenaline rise inside of you and your body felt suddenly quite hot, and not the pleasurable kind. Namjoon turned his head to look at you and he smiled trying to reassure you.

“I can’t say everything is going to be okay and everyone will accept our relationship easily but I’ll be here for you, I won’t leave you alone with them."

He put his hand on your knee and caressed it with his thumb, trying to calm you down. After half an hour driving in silence, sometimes discussing to reassure you, you arrived in front of Big Hit. Luckily there was a parking underground for employees and idols. Once he parked his car he took your shaking hand in his and kissed it.

“Don’t worry love, I won’t leave your side. Everything is going to be okay.”

_________________

You nodded at him and exhaled a shaky breath before following him outside the car and to the elevator that was going to bring your to your death to where the manager was waiting for you.

A/N: Oh wow finally published this! And I decided to make it a small series of it! Please leave me your thoughts about it!

Well I hope you enjoyed this first part! And don’t hesitate to leave a comment and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[sayuricorner]

Miraculous Ladybug salt x Jojo’s bizarre adventure: “Biodad!Jonathan Joestar” AU

Headcanons part 1

Warning: English is not my first language so sorry if it’s confusing.

Warning 2: This AU content salt don’t like don’t read!

Warning 3: For the Jojo character’s palettes colors I use the anime palette colors as reference.

If you want to use this AU you can! just credite and tag me in return please! :)

----------------------------

So, in many ML biodad AUs Marinette’s bio dad is most of the time someone like Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark, but how about:

                                 Biodad! Jonathan Joestar AU

I mean when you think about it both Marinette and Jonathan are alike in looks and personnality!

Appearance:

-Both got blue hair

-Both got light blue eyes

Personnality:

-Both are kind souls

-Both are selfless and think about others before themself most of the time

-Both got a strong sense of justice

-Both are very smart

-Both are combative when needed

-Both don’t hesitate to put themself in danger to protect others

-Both can over-react when they’re carried away by their emotions

And just imagine the story possibilities with this AU!

“But Sayuri! Jonathan Joestar is from the Victorian aera and Marinette is born in the french modern aera how Jonathan would be Marinette’s bio dad in this AU?”

Well the same way which make Giorno, Donatello, Ungalo and Rikiel Jonathan’s kids:

Yep! In this AU Marinette is another child born from Dio’s one night stands!

Now I know that make Marinette Dio’s daughter too and I know Giorno, Donatello, Ungalo and Rikiel are mostly know as Dio’s children but to be honest I consider them more as Jonathan’s kids than as Dio’s because honnestly outside of the head the rest of the body is Jonathan’s.

How Marinette’s conception happen then? Well here’s how:

Years before Marinette’s birth, a young adult Sabine Cheng was on a trip in Egypt, she meet Dio in a bar one night, he seduced her and they got a one night stand, with Dio having the intention to suck Sabine’s blood after, but at one Dio got a brutal crisis.

Normally anyone would get afraid and run away but instead Sabine, being the kind person she was, had done all she can to calm down Dio with all the tenderness she can give. And without being aware of it this actually saved her life.

After helping Dio to calm down both fall asleep, Dio woke up later in night while Sabine was still asleep.

Remembering the warm and familiar kind feeling he experienced during his “episode”, a feeling he didn’t feel for a very long time, he decided to spare Sabine under the pretext he wasn’t in the mood to suck her blood anymore before living to go back to his mansion.

In the morning Sabine wake up only to notice Dio left and never see him again after that night, she go on with her trip and when she go back to France she found out she was pregnant.

She decided to keep the baby, times later she meet and fall in love with Tom Dupain, both end up marrying to each other and Tom adopt Marinette and became legally her father.

The Dupain-Cheng couple also decided to give her a middle name “Joanne” in memory of one of Tom’s aunts with who he was close, making her full name “Marinette Joanne Dupain-Cheng”

Does that mean Marinette in this AU had the Joestar birthmark? Yep, she does! And she also got the Joestar genes when it’s come to body shape: as a kid she look like a shrimp but when she will be older she will get rather tall and will got more muscules to her peers’s surprise.

Did she had a stand in this AU? Yes!

Her stand is called [Viva la vida], a reference to the Coldplay’s song, this stand had the power to create miracles like making plants grow, healing illness and bad injures or being a big source of luck she also had a big affinity with plants and animals. But her powers had limits for example while her miracles allow her to bring back someone to life it’s only possible if the dead person isn’t dead for a too long time and make a powerfull miracle drain Marinette energy and she end up knocked out for a time.

When Marinette is Ladybug, [Viva la vida]’s miracles powers are stronger.

[Viva la vida] isn’t a stand know for her strengh but she’s very fast which allow her to make a lot of punches and kicks at the same time.

Stand’s appearance: [Viva la vida] is an humanoid stand with beetle features, her color schemes are black white and pink, she had beetle wings, big rond blue non-reflective eyes and her head is rond with two anthenas and is a head smaller than Marinette.

But if [Viva la vida] is a cute stand when Marinette is a civil, when the young girl took her Ladybug form, her stand took a more imposing and majesting appearance, she became taller, more muscular, her eyes smaller and almond shaped, her whole body get more armors features and her colors scheme change to black and red with black dots and she emit a rather intimidating aura.

Stand’s behavior: [Viva la vida] is a very expressive stand and very sentient and is a friendly and playfull stand. She’s very curious by nature and had the habit to examin in curiosity when Marinette meet new people or stands. Her being very sentient allow her to sometimes act as a conscience to Marinette.

She also love to eat cookies baked by Marinette.

When Marinette is Ladybug, [Viva la vida] is more serious and a more combative behavior.

Stand’s cry: “Mira!” a reference to “miraculous” and to the word miracle.

AU additional details:

-Class salt

-Bustier salt/bad teacher Bustier

-Adrien salt or Adrien sugar(it’s up to whoever use this AU)

-Lila salt

-Chloe redemption

-Class redemption, a part having a redemption or none of them having a redemption(you choose)

-Permanent miraculous user Luka

-Permanent miraculous user Kagami

-Stand user Luka

-Not everyone die AU/temporary death AU: if some Jojo characters like the Pillarmen, Caesar, Kakoyin, Avdol and Iggy are alive but others like Buccellatti, Abbacchio, Narancia and La Squadra are still dead but will not stay dead(You’ll see).

-Good father Jotaro

-Marinette's closed friends/loved ones calling her "Jojo" in reference to her middle name "Joanne"

-Donatello, Ungalo and Rikiel adopted by the Dupain-Cheng

-Protective siblings Donatello, Giorno, Rikiel and Ungalo

-Marinette being the baby sister of all Jonathan’s and Dio’s kids

-[Viva la vida] being a cute stand

-Marinette, Giorno, Donatello, Ungalo and Rikiel not acknowledging Dio as their dad

-Protective Joestar family

-Jonadad

-Good parents Sabine and Tom Dupain-Cheng

-Permanent miraculous users Donatello, Ungalo and Rikiel

-Badass Marinette

-Scientist Gina Dupain at Speedwagon Foundation

-Diavolo and Doppio getting differents boddies

-Akumatised Marinette with her stand being corrupted and turned into a sentimonster.(You’ll see! ;) )

-Temporary Ladybug!Giorno (You’ll see! ;) )

-Diavolo still stuck in the death loop(’cause it’s only canon if Diavolo die!)

-The Pillarmen knowing about the miraculous

-Shipping:You decide the ship you want just not Adrinette please

Arcs for this AU:

The bizarre origins arc:

This arc is about the origins of Marinette’s birth, her growing up and getting a stand, becoming Ladybug and learning to accomplish her duties as Ladybug while learning to control and use her stand and meeting others stand users.(ex: Luka)

The bizarre USA adventures arc:

Take place times after Lila’s return, the liar keep her word and little by little Marinette’s friends turned their back on her and the fights against the akumas are always very hard to not say harder especially ever since she became the guardian.

Seeing their daughter’s moral so down Sabine and Tom decide to send Marinette to Gina to the USA for summer break. After making sure to had Kaalki with her to teleport back to Paris when an akuma attack, Marinette go on a trip to the USA with her grandmother.

But what should have been a normal vacation trip will take a bizarre turn when Marinette will learn about Gina’s job at the mysterious Speedwagon Foundation which will lead to a meeting with four ancients Aztec gods of fitness, getting informations about stands and her mysterious lineage and a meeting with three american unknow brothers.

(In this AU the Pillarmen aren’t dead after Battle Tendency but they’re detained by the Speedwagon Foundation)

The bizarre mass resurection mystery arc:

A lot of things happened in Marinette’s life, things she didn’t expected whatever in good or bad.

Finding out about her grandmother’s job at the Speedwagon Foundation, learning more about her stand, finding about the existence of three brothers and having said newfound brothers being adopted by her parents, her friends isolating her thank to Lila and learning she by Bustier she and Chloe were banned from the class field trip...

So she decided with to create with other classmates from the school a trip club and after some successful fundraisers the club get a trip to Italy.

And since Hawkmoth seemed to not have attacked for a time there isn’t any problems to go on that trip.

In Italy, on Giorno’s side the part 5 events happen just like in canon while on Marinette’s side she and the trip club get a good time in Italy until a particuliary violent stand user akuma attack the country. He was akumatised by Hawkmoth ‘cause Gabriel Agreste was on a business trip in Italy and thought creating a akuma in the country would attract Ladybug and Chat Noir and give him an advantage since the akuma attack in a unfamiliar place.

The fight was very hard but in the end Marinette and her allies were able to beat the akuma and with her miraculous powers combined with her stand powers she revert any damage... it’s even worked for damage/injuries/death by stands leaving Marinette knocked out for a time since she use a lot of energy while using her stand’s miracle powers.

On Giorno’s side after he beat Diavolo and became the boss it was noticed that Buccelatti, Narancia, Abbacchio, the whole La Squadra were bring back to life.

Even Doppio was back but in a boddy of his own.

Everyone thought at first this was the work of [Gold experience requiem] but it was reveiled later this was the work of another stand which will put Giorno, his gang and even Jotaro with the SWF on a big infestigation which will lead them to the stand user resposible for this mystery and unknowly to them and to Marinette to one big bizarre family reunion.

The bizarre family arc:

With everything which happened in Italy, Marinette not only had to deal with Lila, Hawkmoth, the akumas and her guardian duties but also with the discovery of an extended families and horrible and disturbing informations about “one of her bio fathers”.

And one day Lila took things too far leading Marinette to unleash all her frustration, stress and anger making her akumatised and it will be up to Giorno as a temporary Ladybug holder, her true friends and her family to saved her from herself and from Hawkmoth’s influence.

But the task will be hard with not only Marinette being akumatised but also with her stand [Viva la vida] having being unconsciously corrupted by Mayura while trying to corrupt Marinette turning her into a sentimonster.

The bizarre final showdown arc:

A alliance between Hawkmoth and a mysterious priest will lead the miraculous villain to his ultimate plan by helping the priest to resurect a powerful man, a man infamous for being a curse to the Joestar family and to the world, with the promise to achieve Heaven and to gain a power which will allow Hawkmoth to do all he want.

It will be up to Marinette, her friends, allies and her new found family to put an end to Hawkmoth once for all and to beat this priest before the worst happen with the resurection of the infamous Dio.

But bizarre chains of events will lead to another resurection, the resurection of a man very well know by the Joestar family and who’s tightly connected to Marinette, Giorno, Donatello, Ungalo and Rikiel.

[darkobssessions]

Coping Tips for Autistic Women

I am compiling a list of resources for aspie women along with tips to manage symptoms and navigate the world. Regretably, most of my personal experience comes from living undiagnosed and unaware about this for the last 27 years. There was a giant elephant in the room with everything, and I have only recently worked it out. This means that most of my habits prior to this point were ones attempting to cope with a giant unknown, the limits of which were unclear. But they more or less worked, because, as I am realising, there’s always been something they are attempting to address.

With other diagnoses and ways I attempted to explain and understand my difficulties, there were finite causes and treatments. I should have been improving if I tried x, y, or z. And I did improve my symptoms in many ways, but there was something missing from the picture. That is that autism is my personality, my state of being, how I process and view the world. And no tool, medication, process or treatment was ever going to change who I really was. Being misdiagnosed (or being missed and failing to receive the autism diagnosis) means that I have been trying to correct something that you cant ‘correct’, and shaming myself for something fundamentally me.

Some of the tips I learned over time, from how I am as a person, without the framework of reference of neurodivergence or autism:

Sensory:

My sensitivity has always been a big waving flag. I felt and saw things others didn’t. I felt more deeply. I sensed the microeffects and changes in everything. I responded harder and faster to any chemical, environmental shift, any positive or negative event, As we all do on the spectrum, we attempt to navigate our sensory environment. And we come up with coping mechanisms, good or bad, before or after we realise we are on the spectrum. For me this was a strong aversion to the things that upset me, that disturbed my senses. It was an orienting of myself in a way to avoid the disturbances, going inwards, withdrawing and even shutting down. I learned that I could not and did not want to handle crowds, loud places, supermarkets. I lived in a giant simulation attempting to minimise and avoid as much as possible the things that hurt. I learned that I was extremely sensitive, no one else seemed to be, and I just had to manage it. Since discovering autism in the last weeks, I am able to embrace the fact that sensory overload is a thing, and I really do feel pain in my body when things are too much and too loud, and just wearing earplugs has mitigated so much of this. I was gas lighting myself before about feeling a certain way because there was no explanation, that I was aware of anyway.

Physical:

I have had so many problems over the years, since I was a young girl. I used to get food poisoning symptoms really easily. I had hidden allergies. I remember a lot of my childhood spent doubled up with stomach pains, or having a fever. My family didn’t know any better and fed me and treated me as they did every other member. I was not the same, I did not feel the same, but I took it all in. By the time I was in my early teen years, I had cemented my aversion to certain foods, taken the only control I had at the time against an encroaching and controlling mother and turned it into anorexia. I avoided things I didn’t like, again, and set up a system of control that made more sense than the gaping wounds and confusion within me. Starvation triggered bulimia. And a viscous cycle of malnourishment and dysregulation unfolded. I didn’t learn until many, many years later that my system was so sensitive and damaged that if I tried to go back to how I used to eat as a child, I would get terrible symptoms. So my coping tips as I have healed from the eating disorders and become more aware is to figure out what the triggers are, what hurts, and to avoid it. This along with adding in nutrient dense foods and working on the deficiencies has done wonders for me. I’ve done tremendous work on my autoimmune conditions, gut problems, sensitivities and inflammation levels and the difference is like night and day. That I can induce psychotic symptoms by deviating or introducing foods I am intolerant to is no joke. The tip I can share is elimination diets truly do work, the keto diet is recommended, and eating the carnivorous way saved my life. My eating disorders for almost 15 years INCLUDING the 7.5 years I was a vegan, mostly high raw and fruitarian depleted my nutrients so badly that every symptom was enhanced 100% and I was eating pretty much ONLY food I was actually intolerant to. Ahem, plants, I’m talking to you. The peace I feel, the nourishment and rest on a nervous system level having eliminated them is unreal.

Social:

I have always known I was different, in a deep, visceral way. How the adults in my life answered questions was inadequate. I saw through people and things. I was far too intense and serious. I learned to watch and observe humans and pick up cues so as to attempt to fit in. I spent the majority of my life masking, something I am only now finding out about and unraveling. I kept notes on the human experience, and saved colours, sounds, feelings, because I felt like I couldn’t communicate the truth of myself otherwise. Over the course of my life there have been inexplicable (until now) events. Lost friendships and relationships, strings of broken promises, people not acting on what they say, confusions and miscommunications, and many dangerous situations and predatory bonds. I made what sense I could of it from whatever lens I could find. It was the trauma, it was my soul contract, it was what I deserved, it was being targeted- all close, but not quite within the realm of being so naive, open and fundamentally different as you are on the spectrum. I just always assumed everybody was like me. I had to learn the very extremely hard way that not everyone felt and thought in the same way, nor had good intentions. I still struggle with the fact that humans don’t tell the truth. It is of no relevance whether they secretly know it. Most people are more comfortable with illusions. I always knew this, but the diagnosis gives me a lot more peace around it. It’s allowing me to accept the fact that if I look around the majority of the people I see are not walking around processing and over-analysing everything, feeling sounds, decoding patterns and obsessed with hacking the code of reality. Less pressure that way, and more in the way of what can be viewed as natural interaction on my part. I will solve the mystery of the universe out loud otherwise, and get the blank looks and the discomfort. I have found my people, a tribe of likeminded individuals, I have gathered friends over the years that didn’t run from my weirdness. But I am mostly content to be on my own, knowing that I can only use what is around me to try to convey how I feel and who I really am. And that will probably be a book, a movie or a work of art, much better than a 2pm rendezvous when I can’t stop talking about the hidden signs.

Emotional:

With the intensity of my emotions I have developed borderline personality disorder as a means to cope with being autistic and not knowing. I have been diagnosed with both that and bipolar because I have intense stints of emotions. They come and go in waves, lasting hours, lasting days and weeks. I consider it to be an energy management system to cope with the demands and stressors of modern day living. Creatives always withdraw and hibernate, and come out with new insights and art to share. The way that I feel and view the world is special. It’s at the basis of my writing, what I choose to engage with and how. My emotions make me who I am. I feel intensely, I share passionately about how I feel. I snap, I break, I shutdown, I come out again and I am a bright, shooting star. There is an excited little animal that lives within me and it is the strongest most passionate thing known to man. I thought that my negative experiences or trauma killed it, but this is before I knew it IS me and cannot die. So I have stopped trying to cram these emotions in or explain them. Stopped trying to attribute them to whatever script people were following when they dealt with me. Throwing me into the depressive, anxious, panic stricken, eating disordered basket case category. The missing piece now makes so much sense. The ways I responded to being autistic were coping mechanisms, such as developing a personality disorder, to deal with the pressure. My psyche splintered under the weight. My tip here is in embracing your inner life and world, embracing that you are different, so that all of the mental and emotional acrobatics needed to attempt to explain the issues or fit in can be put to rest.

Spiritual:

Being different and feeling differently means I naturally saw and expressed things in quite a strange way. I was convinced of a secret world to reality, behind reality, living on behind a paper shell, so to speak, that would rip if only I could reach out and tear it aside. That conviction was rewarded as year after year my awareness grew, my gifts multiplied, and the experiences I had revealed to me the hidden hand of god. There was very much design to the universe, a pattern, weaving through all things. And i was a part of it, not some discarded afterthought or simple byproduct that had no place. In the early years, I kept my convictions to myself, nursed them with experience. I died a thousand deaths in dark nights of the soul, crashing against the turf of my ignorance. I broke open, and everything I had been so sure of as a child was revealed to me again and again. I was convinced I had a purpose, I could feel the deep tides of human emotion and motion, could feel into the genetic sequence that had birthed me. I felt like an alien, but that slowly over time the map of my operation was being revealed to me. This is what it feels like so many years later to stand here and find out about being autistic and realise that how I felt in my soul all these years was real, and that I can begin to truly fulfill this mission now, to share my experience in words I know others will understand because they feel the same way too. It was the challenges that I never understood, while the gifts were the reason to stay alive. My message to myself and others now is that there is a point, a reason to persevere and understand yourself more. The suffering reveals so much of the true state of things, so that we can protect our tender hearts and build new things that honour who we really are, our souls. 

Resources, movies, literature to follow. I just wanted to share something of a summary now of my realisations since coming home to myself.

[zargsnake]

Knightkiller: Anakin and Obi-Wan’s First Adventure

Chapter 8: Priorities

Word Count: 2565 Links: Chapter 1, Table of Contents

*   *   *

Anakin hears the cheers for Obi-Wan turn sour, and he soon figures out why. It is no fault of his master's, who fights beautifully -- but there is a transparent dome-shield around the arena, and whenever someone in the angry, heavily-armed audience shoots at it, ripples of white electric shocks cross the dome and obscure the fight. Anakin is relieved that the audience is booing each other, not his master, though he worries that Obi-Wan will think they're booing at him.

Obi-Wan looks over his shoulder, trying to locate Anakin in the audience, and a blade suddenly whizzes by his neck. His reflexes protect him and he jerks out of the way, but a moment later he feels hot blood on his skin. He hadn't moved quickly enough -- the blade cut him sharp and swift. It hurts a lot more than he expected. It could have easily killed him.

He was so focused on finding Anakin in this crowd that he forgot Anakin's own words to him, his warnings about this opponent. Obi-Wan hadn't taken Anakin seriously about Tiango. Of course it was sad about Anakin’s “cool” gladiator friend, but Obi-Wan defeated a Sith lord not long ago. The experience buoyed his confidence to a fault. This Tiango -- not a Sith, not even a professional, just an ex-science experiment, just a Yooro -- landed a blow on him -- a pretty good one, too.

Obi-Wan rapidly teaches himself a lesson. Connecting with Anakin doesn't mean knowing exactly where he is. It means listening to him. Believing him. That's what teachers do. It's what friends do.

This isn't the Outer Rim, but these people are. This is Anakin's haunt. Obi-Wan will train it out of him, will make him a man of the Core. But for now, Anakin is the expert here, and his words must be Obi-Wan's textbook.

With his heart opened wide for Anakin, and his guard up because of Anakin's warning, Obi-Wan realizes he will have to hunker down in defense for a while. Tiango's assault is brutal and inhumanly quick, though Obi-Wan remembers that Yoroos do get exhausted -- eventually. What Obi-Wan lacks in comparative strength, he makes up for in endurance -- patience and energy, the long game, care -- these are Obi-Wan's secret weapons.

Anakin watches Obi-Wan deflect the same moves that once ruthlessly whittled down Crix Spartak, the gladiator who he had loved. The memory of that death match sends chills up his spine. He is certain that some of these blows must hit his master. Part of him is certain that Obi-Wan is doomed, too. Anakin had believed Crix would win, and he had been wrong. It is asking too much to have hope again, against the same, utterly evil man.

Though Obi-Wan has great endurance, his vibroblade does not. Out of habit, he treats it as roughly as if it were a laser weapon, depending on it for deflection, as a shield. Tiango's barrage strikes the metal and bends it back and forth into a zigzag, then into a knot. Obi-Wan is slowly disarmed as his blade becomes less and less tenable as a weapon. He has no choice; he has no other shield. The biggest bother is his own hand: the damn vibroblade is aptly named -- it quivers like a leaf in the wind, wearing out his wrist and weakening his fingers.

The crowd cheers enthusiastically for the graceful Jedi, chanting, "Kenobi! Kenobi!" Anakin does not join in. Obi-Wan could almost be dancing with his expert moves, but Anakin is not in the mood to learn from him. He gazes in hopeless terror at the duel. He watches bullets, lasers and slingshotted electrostones bounce off the dome, as well as gifts, toys and even people’s underwear. All such wild debris from this crazed crowd trying to reach out to their beloved or hated athlete, his poor, wonderful master.

The fastest or biggest bullets send fuzzy waves across the dome, but the dome quickly repairs itself. Anakin follows the arc of the dome, calculating the sources of its projection points from subtle distortions in the waves.

He moves the layers of fur in his stolen disguise to peek at the recharging screen on his hidden acid-blaster: 52%. No other weapons are making a dent in the dome. But no other weapons are quite like this one, and no one else seems to have figured out where to shoot. Could he crack the dome? What would he do then?

Anakin looks away from Obi-Wan for a second and scans his narrowed eyes over the happy rabble. He does not understand them. Are they seeing what he's seeing? They all shout and cheer, laughing and clapping, as if Obi-Wan is triumphant, as if he is playing. He looks back at his master. He sees that Obi-Wan is in great pain. Dying, even. How can the information from his senses, and the conclusions from his feelings, be so different from everyone else's?

Is he connecting, mentally, to his master -- using his supposed Jedi powers to see things for how they truly are? Is he seeing the truth, better than they are, because he is a Jedi, a Jedi Padawan? Is the Force giving him a special message -- because he, unlike the rabble, is a Jedi -- because he, unlike everyone, is the answer to a prophecy -- because he is closer to Obi-Wan than anyone else is?

Or ... is he, Anakin, wrong? Is everyone else right? Is his sight blinded by irrational fear, brought about by his utter dependence on this man? Did Obi-Wan really stumble, just now? No one else seems to have seen it.

Is he, Anakin, perhaps, confusing the past for the present? Crix for Obi-Wan? Death for life?

Is it all in his head? Or is it real?

   *   *   *

Below the arena, Zlinky has memorized the map from the computer. With Jane, she trespasses through the employee quarters. They reach a large, important-looking office which Zlinky guesses is Knightkiller's.

She hears voices inside and shouts at the door, “Hey boss! There's fried fluunies in Rec Room 3!”

She backs off as the door opens and two people exit. Zlinky creeps inside and Jane blusters along behind her. Too soon, they hear the people coming back and Zlinky shoves Jane under the slick metallic desk; the robot is so big that two of the desk legs lift a few inches from the ground. There isn't much room left for Zlinky; she has to nestle right up against Jane's bazooka. A belt of detonators falls across Zlinky's lap.

She peeks over the edge of the desk and sees the people more closely. They look more decorated than the other guards, with sashes and medals, as if there was some kind of made-up military ranking among Knightkiller's cronies, a worthless army dedicated solely to this evil entertainment. 

“These fluunies are great,” says one crony.

“I’ve had better,” says the other.

The hidden Padawan hears the gross sounds of chewing, and then the rather more alarming sound of Jane powering up her neutralizers. Zlinky quiets her and gestures for her to stop. Stealth has worked so far; it would be best to avoid violence, especially since these two seem important.

“I can't wait to run the missing Jedi kids through with this,” says the first one, as he ignites a lightsaber.

Zlinky stops gesturing, but Jane has already powered down.

“The Jedi kids must still be on the ship. No one's been allowed to leave and no shuttle pods have activated.”

“You think Jedi could survive in space?”

“No. Only the boss can do that. You saw them in those Coruscanti space suits, idiot.”

“Oh right.”

The second crony ignites another lightsaber. Even without looking, Zlinky recognizes the sound as her own. She feels something very powerful and uncomfortable. Taken aback, she identifies it as jealousy, one of the very worst emotions. Afraid of her own feelings, she is frozen, unable to act, unable to know if she is behaving rationally, according to the light side, or irrationally, which will lead her off the narrow path into darkness.

“They're real nice suits. I called dibs on the man-size one for me and the little one for my daughter.”

“Yeah...the gigantic one and the lady-size one are pretty useless.”

“I'll take the lady one for my kid to grow into.”

Zlinky thinks, I'm twelve! I’m not a lady! Though I am much taller than Anakin. So they say Anakin is missing, too? That means he's not dead! If only I was strong enough to detect his presence!

Jane pokes Zlinky and gestures to her blasters. Zlinky shakes her head.

We can't kill him! He's a dad!

They hear the two men walking closer and closer. One of them accidentally hits something with the lightsaber; the girls hear them cursing and smell melting plastic.

Zlinky feels time running out. This hiding spot is bad. She ran in here without a plan. She knows her decision-making is impeded by fear, jealousy, and access to a murder-droid, but she must decide something.

Zlinky quickly examines the settings on Jane's weapons. All these numbers and charts are too confusing to parse right now. She dials one dial back, but it only causes some numbers to rise and others to fall. She puts it back where it was, though the numbers are still not the same. The last time Jane shot someone, it wasn't fatal. At least not immediately.

The girl feels tears pressuring her eyes and throat. She doesn't want to hurt anyone. She has learned through stories and lessons that the darkness within is far worse than the darkness without. She is more frightened of doing wrong than she is of dying. There is no death. But there is evil.

She can't get out of her head a discussion she overheard from some of the older Padawans. This group of twenty- and thirty-somethings is the pride of the whole Temple. Everyone adores them -- the strongest, most beautiful, best students in school. Once they are knighted, then they leave the young people’s social circle to rub shoulders with the teachers, and have no time for their old friends -- but before they are knighted, they rule the school from the inside, and everyone lets them get away with a little more fun than knights are allowed. In those last years of Padawanship, they are the most free a Jedi can be.

Just last month, when Zlinky fetched the group snacks from the mess hall in order to bask in their presence, she found them in a very strange state. When one of them returns from a mission, the others crowd around to hear the stories and see the new scars. The latest conquering hero, a human named Sara Chid-wun, did not have a physical scar. But she had such an aura of bitterness around her that the whole group was affected, including the young interloper Zlinky.

Sara explained how she and her Master Kayji were caught in various difficult situations, and each time Kayji had neglected to act, so each time Sara had been forced to act herself, often with violence. It felt like a test that she continuously failed. And yet, ultimately, they succeeded in their mission. Sara claimed that Kayji would not address her concerns with anything beyond platitudes.

The whole experience led Sara to, hesitantly, conclude that Masters often take advantage of their students. Masters refuse to move, and claim they are trusting in the Force, or allowing evil to collapse in on itself, or some such excuse, while in reality they are leaving the sensible but nasty work to the impure, young Padawan tagging along.

The group discussed each example, and more from their own adventures, each trying to explain away their masters’ -- sometimes -- confusing actions, each unwilling to support Sara’s conclusion -- including, of course, Sara herself. But the group found that, if they were being honest, she might be right. Sometimes. So they had moved on to finding the moral lesson in this seemingly cruel behavior -- something about knightly violence being worse than non-knightly violence, something about power and purity.

And maybe they came to a satisfying explanation among themselves; Sara herself seemed as cheerful as normal the next time Zlinky saw her. But Zlinky hadn't felt comfortable sitting in on their important big-kid conversation any longer, so she had left at the darkest part of it.

Tila has never forced Zlinky's hand before. Zlinky has never had to kill anyone before. But now the master is indeed the one sitting out, while the student is the one doing the work.

Is it okay to stray off the path when you are only a Padawan? Is it, in fact, expected, and necessary? Must she walk in the gray area beside the light, until she is a master herself, and can savor the light all the time, and never have to do any more wrong? When she is knighted, then she can delegate that dark stuff to someone else, someone young and obedient?

The thought occurs to Zlinky that she is not the one who would do the killing -- that would be Jane. But she knows that is a flaky excuse. Jane is her responsibility. Just as she is Tila's. The blood is on all their hands.

Zlinky turns to Jane and nods. Jane immediately stands up and neutralizes the guards. Zlinky pokes her head over the desk, sees the smoking bodies, and fears the worst.

“Are they dead?”

“ɪ ᴅᴏᴜʙᴛ ɪᴛ. ꜱʏꜱᴛᴇᴍꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ʜᴀʀᴅʟʏ ᴀᴛ ꜰᴜʟʟ ᴄᴀᴘᴀᴄɪᴛʏ.“

“I'm pretty sure your full capacity is overkill.”

She tiptoes over to the guard's bodies. One seems to be breathing. The other, she can't tell.

She can't alert anyone to the danger, and she doesn't trust the medical facilities here anyway. But she has nothing to give them, to help them. She puts her hand on the soft, sandy hair of the one whose life is unclear to her, the one who has a little daughter.

“May the Force be with you.”

Her voice is a shaky whisper, but she's never meant those words so much as she means them now.

Please, please, live.

She pulls the lightsaber from his hand and turns it off, and does the same with the other guard. She finds three more lightsabers on their belts. She recognizes hers and her master’s; two of them must be Anakin’s and his master’s; the last one could be Glagret’s, a.k.a. Knightkiller’s. It's green, and of the same old fashion as her master’s. She is surprised and glad that it isn't red. But maybe Knightkiller carries her red one on her person. Or maybe, just maybe, the Sith are not at all involved. She prays that they aren't.

Zlinky and Jane hide the bodies behind the desk and lock the door behind them. Zlinky turns away from the door and does not look back.

They were gonna kill me. They still will kill me, if they figure it out. I have to act in self-defense. And I have to save the other three Jedi. These people may be people, but they are low-lives, murderers, and lawbreakers. It wasn't my choice that they got in my way.

Chapter 9: Crix Spartak

[wickedgamesoyaoya]

HELLO!!! FANCY SEEING YOU HERE ALSKUXHCHC I WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST FLUFF, WITH BOKUTO, AND PROMPT #5 💚🧡💚🧡💜💜💜❤️❤️🤎🤎💚💕💚🖤🖤💜💜💖💘💓💕💕💗💗❤️❣️❣️

The corners of your mouth twitched into an uneasy smile as you processed the scene ahead of you. It was nearly identical to the image printed on the postcards you had purchased mere moments ago from the resort lobby. A fresh batch of snow gracefully blanketed over the slope, and the visitors, adorning their colourful snow tubes almost appeared to be sprinkles on the icy substance.

When you had originally allowed your fiancé to pick your vacation destination – you knew it would involve some adventure, but you did not expect that he would bring you to a winter wonderland.

“Babe, I need your hand.” Bokuto fiddled with your glove, as his bright irises twinkled in concern. “You’re gonna get a frostbite.” Once you absentmindedly provided him access to your hand, he slipped the glove into place before stepping back, and confirming that you had adequate protection from the dropping temperature.

“Kou, I’m warm! Don’t worry.” Despite your internal alarm with the scheduled activity, you had vowed to make the most of the day. And so, you would conquer your fear – or at least try to conquer it.  

After one more scan of your body, the volleyball player was satisfied. Since the procedural aspects were now complete, his attention landed on the staircase leading to the smallest slope on the resort. The other three slopes were only accessible if one rode the gondola lift, but Bokuto knew you were not ready for those just yet.

“Alright! Let’s do this.” The declaration had brought a dazzling grin to his mouth – one that you found to be incredibly contagious. With a faint smile tracing along your features, you proceeded forward, taking his right arm into your grasp.

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

After selecting your snow tubes, you made your way to the top of the first slope. Upon reaching your destination, your breath caught inside of your throat. The emotions sprawling within your chest could easily be labeled as beginner’s nerves – yet the label did not help calm the danger sirens you were trying to silence.

“Hmm, babe? You okay?” There was no disguising the second wave of anxiety that washed over you. Tilting his head with his brows furrowed, Bokuto reached out to brush aside the few strands sticking against your cheek.

“Kou… What if one of us gets injured? Did you see that guy? He fell off and landed face first!” Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip as you pressed yourself closer to him.

“Huh? Oh, that guy? Didn’t you see he was laughing about it? I think he’s fine.” For a brief moment his attention flickered to the group of friends below, no one appeared to be harmed. Rather, it seemed that he jumped off the snow tube earlier on purpose. That being said, if you were feeling uneasy it was his job to comfort you. Puckering out his lips in thought, he searched the surroundings for a solution.

“Kou, if I die. I love you, you know that, right?” The dramatic response was stated in a whisper as you continued to watch the other tourists who embraced the thrill associated with the activity.

Exhaling a breath to dismantle the pout on his mouth, he planted a kiss to the tip of your nose then shook his head. “I love you, y/n. But you’re not going to die. Not as long as you have me to protect you!” Striving to reassure you, he presented a toothy smile, one that melted some of the anxiety wrapping around your heart. “Plus, I have a plan.”

“A plan?” Echoing the words back, curiosity brought your eyelids to narrow.

“Uh huh.” The grin remained plastered against his features as he approached the employee responsible for instructing the tobogganers. “Hey hey! I have a question. What kinda positions are allowed for couples who wanna share a snow tube?”

“Koutarou!” His name was choked out in embarrassment, and the group of teenagers behind you giggled in amusement.

But the resort employee remained unbothered, lifting his shoulders into a shrug. “What kinda position do you want to do?”

“Can she straddle me?” The pure edge to his voice did not match the content of his question. By now, you were masking your bewildered expression with your glove.

“Uh. That probably wouldn’t work. But she can sit on your lap, and wrap her arms around you or something. Your tube is large enough for that.” The disinterest clear in his tone made you wonder exactly what was asked in the past to make this person so…dead. But maybe that was a question better left unanswered.

“Oh yeah? Did you hear that, y/n?” Bokuto was practically bouncing on the spot. Snow tubing had now gotten more exciting for the male. He loved being close to you, and now he could package that with snow-tubing? He could not be happier.

You on the other hand? Well, you provided him a weak wave to indicate your “approval”.

“Yes. I heard it all.”

Once it was your turn, Bokuto placed the tube onto the snow then took a seat inside. After the employee directed him to place his hands on each handle, he instructed you on where to sit and how to hold onto your fiancé. While it was certainly embarrassing with everyone watching, this arrangement was one you were happy to accept. Even if straddling was allowed, there was no way in hell you would do that in front of an audience. But sharing a snow tube with your significant other wasn’t a big deal, a detail you realized after witnessing multiple other couples do so.

“You both ready?” The attendant sighed out. With Bokuto’s enthusiastic “hell yeah” and the muffled yes falling from your lips, he pushed your tube forward and towards your awaiting death.

Just kidding.

With your face finding refuge against the crook of his neck, the journey down was short and painless. Once the tube halted, you peeled away from Bokuto and let out a little “huh.”

“Not that bad, right?” Before you had a chance to respond and lift yourself up, he adjusted your hat, making sure your ears remained covered.

“Wait. I wanna do it again.” Remaining seated on him, you shifted your stare to the hill that no longer contained a threatening aura.

“Alone?” He tilted his head, attempting to recapture your attention.

“Yes.” The determination animating your y/e/c irises was equally adorable and fascinating, drawing out a chuckle from the male.

“That’s my girl!”

After conquering your fear with the smaller slope, you felt much more confident when approaching the larger ones. Bokuto, who remained attentive to your needs and concerns, would insist on accompanying on the journey down until you became comfortable enough to go on your own. When it was finally time to visit the final slope of the resort, you were much calmer and rather excited for the experience that awaited you.

“Kou, I’m gonna grab my own tube for this one. I think I can do it alone.” Proceeding a step back, you reached on your toes to catch a visual of the tube you abandoned near the cable transport.

“You sure?” Pausing, he surveyed your stance for any indication of hesitation.

“Yeah! Just go down without me.” It was quite clear he did not enjoy the idea of leaving you alone, but you reassured him with a wiggle of your fingers. “I’ll only be a little behind you, I promise!” That seemed to be enough to satisfy him.

Once you retrieved the snow tube, you hoisted it up with a confident smile. As you began to walk back towards the attendant’s post, however, the conversation of an unknown group of men forced you to stop in your tracks.

“I can’t believe our luck. Running into the MSBY Black Jackal’s Ace?”

“I can’t believe his shit luck. Hanamiya’s really going to puncture his tube.”

“Guess he really does live for the fun of “crushing” people.”

Rage boiled inside of your veins, lacing together with pure panic. Bokuto was already halfway down the slope, and you presumed the one lined up next was the one named “Hanamiya.” Thrusting your weight forward to fight against the weight of the snow, you tried to make it to the attendant in time. Unfortunately, it was a little too late.

“Shit. Shit shit.” Lowering the tube to the ground, you waited until you saw the volleyball player reach the bottom safely. But the issue was that this meant that the stranger after your fiancé was already halfway to his goal. “Okay. Screw it. I’m sorry!”

Instead of waiting for the resort employee’s approval, you jumped onto the tube then nudged yourself forward. Due to your improper position, your tube almost tipped over numerous times. Yet, you somehow managed to reach the bottom without completely being thrown off. You were seconds from completing your journey when you saw the dark-haired male slyly approach Bokuto. Without a second thought, you launched yourself off from the tube, transferring your weight onto the stranger.

Surprise coloured his features at your sudden attack and emergence. But you did not waste a second, quick to press your covered palm against his face.

“You stay the hell away from my fiancé.”

“Y/n!” Soon Bokuto’s arms were hooked around you, dragging you off and away from Hanamiya. “What happened?”

“Wow. Attacking a stranger. I wonder if I could sue you for this.” Raising himself from the ground, he patted off the snow stuck against his jacket. An emotionless smile hung from his mouth, only increasing your irritation.

“I heard your friends, you little shit. Don’t think for a second I’ll let you hurt him.” Standing protectively in front of your fiancé, you placed your hands on either side of you. Behind you Bokuto struggled to comprehend what was occurring, in a puzzled state his eyes travelled from you to the stranger ahead.  

“And here I thought you were only a damsel in distress.” Clicking his tongue, amusement curved Hanamiya’s eyebrows.

The statement did not register well with Bokuto who fell into a scowl. “What the hell are you talking about? She could totally kick your ass and mine.”

“Kou, I would never do that to you.” Reaching out, you poked his nose with the tip of your glove before turning your focus back to your newfound adversary.  “But you, wouldn’t it be unfortunate if that pin you’ve been holding ends up stabbing you instead.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Casting his glare aside, he shoved his hands into his pockets. A few meters away were his friends from earlier, they seemed to be watching the scene from a “safe” distance. “Whatever, this isn’t fun.” After administering a final glare, Hanamiya shifted his back to you and then went to join his friends. 

“Asshole.” The curse fell from your lips as you fought the urge to launch another attack on him.

“That was really dangerous, y/n.” Bokuto stepped aside, forcing your gaze to return to him. A childish pout was on full display to demonstrate his emotional state.

“What?”

“Jumping off the tube! You could have gotten hurt.” His pout only increased now, it was clear that he was unphased by the potential threat that was posed to his safety. It was you he was worried about. 

“Oh yeah. But it was kinda fun.” Recalling the thrill of the event, a titter crawled up your throat.

“She’s a monster! My fiancée has turned into a monster.” Low laughter rumbled from his chest as he slipped his arms around you, drawing you into his embrace.

“Well it’s only fitting that I’m engaged to a member of the monster generation then.”  Rolling your eyes, you contently accepted the warmth offered by your fiancé.

A/N: 1) My shooting star! I am sorry this took 500 years, I was trying to write this properly! I hope this was okay ;-; 2) I realized too late that snow tubing may be something most people don’t know so here is a reference photo lol 

General Taglist:  @newfriendjen @lvoejimin @moonlightaangel @gyozaaaaa @byun-nies @thevillagehiddenintheinternet @amberalisa @graykageyama @yourstarvic @chaichai-the-weeb @chibishae34 @haikyuusimp91 @volleybloop  @rajablast @idiot-juice-enthusiast @melonmayhere @cuddlesslut  @athenarosaline @memes-and-money @coconut-dreamz  @mismatched-loves @elianetsantana @tsumume @tsukkismamagucci @the-golden-jhope @camcam1617 @ivsahi @prettyforpapiiwa @swoonhui @neobakas @azumane-kun @elephantloser @dreamstormings @rintarawr @anejuuuuoy   @thatthangwasthangin

Bolded means I can’t tag ya ~ 

[fandom-smut-shots]

Marshall Lee - Photographs

Photographs – Marshall Lee

Dait

A/N: Modern life AU. Feelsy and angsty but with a happy ending!

           The smile that stretched across your face was more intense than the sun as you stood beside the love of your life. A tall, lanky teenage boy with shaggy black hair and creamy skin stood beside you, an arm draped lazily over your shoulders and a dopey grin on his lips, exposing his pointed teeth. His brows were arched, eyes narrowed seductively, though the way he held you to his side exhibited nothing but pure adoration and love. Your arms were secured around his waist, pressing your torsos together, your head tucking ever-so-slightly into his neck.

           A bittersweet smile tugged at the corner of your mouth as you placed the framed photo on your bedside table. It was only the first out of the box labeled “Marshall,” and you knew the rest of its contents would be as heartbreaking as they were precious. Reaching in, you produced another frame, another piece of memorabilia capturing the love between you and the raven-haired delinquent.

           His lips pressed against yours passionately, a slender hand resting delicately upon your cheek. It was your eighteenth birthday, the third consecutive birthday you’d celebrated with your troublesome boyfriend. In your hands was this year’s present – a teddy bear wearing one of Marshall’s old t-shirts, cut and poorly stitched back together in order to fit the toy’s tiny frame.

         “So you don’t miss me all the time,” had been his reasoning, a response to your concerns about attending different colleges. You’d been accepted into the ivy leagues to pursue your dream, while he had only managed to apply to a state college. You’d wanted to attend the same school, but Marshall had insisted that your education and your chosen career was more important, and that your relationship was strong enough to survive the distance of the ocean.

           A sniffle tingled its way through your nose, and you scrubbed a hand across your eyes to stifle the budding tears before they could even fully form. You weren’t going to cry. You were in college now, unpacking your new dorm room. Marshall was… not there.

           One hand held another, the first displaying the second like a masterpiece. Marshall’s long fingers wrapped easily around your palm, his thumb caressing your knuckles. Your left hand appeared as it always had, though with one major exception.

         On your ring finger sat a silver band with a simple, small gemstone in the center. It wasn’t big or flashy, but Marshall could only afford so much, working at the convenience store down the road after school and on weekends.

         “It’s perfect,” you’d insisted when he tried to claim that he’d buy you a better one someday. You didn’t want a better one – you wanted this one. This was the one that Marshall chose. This one made your heart flutter and melt and tingle.

           Your parents had never approved of your relationship with the troublemaker. You were a proper young lady, destined for amazing things. Marshall was a hoodlum from a broken home, destined to follow in the footsteps of his alcoholic mother and deadbeat father. You’d never believed the harsh stereotypes that the town placed on your boyfriend. You knew how good of a person he could be, how amazing he wanted to become.

         Once your father found out that Marshall had proposed (by sauntering into your room unannounced, hoping to catch the two of you in a compromising position so that he had a reason to throw the boy out of his house), he’d been furious. There was screaming, and crying, and swearing, and your father had grasped the front of Marshall’s shirt and dragged him all the way through the house. You’d watched in horror as Marshall was harshly thrown out into the rain, landing with a wet thump on the pavement. Before you could call out to him, the front door had been closed and locked, and your father ordered for you to return to your room with the lowest, lividest tone you’d ever heard come from his mouth.

           You stood at the podium on the stage, accepting a hug from your principal as a diploma was placed in your hands. Your cap was stationed loosely on your head, and your eyes were dull and lifeless. A hand clapped you on the back, but you couldn’t be bothered to thank the staff members or pose for photos. You and Marshall were supposed to graduate together…

           Another sigh tumbled from your lips as you set the photo of your graduation in the drawer of your table rather than on top of it. It was an experience you’d rather not recall.

         You lost the love of your life only a month before graduation, and you hadn’t cared about anything else since his death.

         After your father had thrown him out, he’d had to walk home in the pouring rain. You lived in the nice, quiet suburbs, but Marshall lived in the dangerous back alley section of the town. He crept along the shadows, keeping to himself, but a group of thugs decided to interrupted his walk. He’d fought back as hard as he could, but he was sore from being thrown to the sidewalk, and the rain was weighing him down, and he wasn’t particularly strong due to how scrawny he was. The brutes overpowered him, tossing him down. His body was littered with bruises within seconds. He was bleeding from multiple wounds, and by the time the paramedics arrived, he was barely holding on.

         Your father had informed you of Marshall’s passing the next day, and you’d spent the entire afternoon sobbing into your pillow, clutching the teddy bear he’d given you. Your parents had tried to coax you out of your room, with food and movies and offers to leave the house, but you’d refused every single word, instead drowning in your own sorrow.

           Now in college, your dorm was nearly unpacked. Your mother had accompanied you in order to help transport all of your belongings, but you’d sent her away as quickly as she would allow. You wanted a break from your parents, a break from your old life. There were only two forces driving you to complete your degree – financial independence, and honoring Marshall’s memory.

         You participated in college activities, eating dinner with the rest of the students in the dining hall, watching a movie with your roommates as a method of bonding. Once they retired to their own rooms, you settled into bed, a book in your lap and your beside lamp illuminating the small space. You were just about to doze off- the only sleep you seemed to get nowadays was when you exhausted your brain and succumbed unintentionally- when a tapping sound emanated from your window. Heart pounding in your chest, you slowly turned your head, expecting to find some horrible intruder. Instead, the shaggy hair and toothy grin that you’d dreamt about for the last several months met your gaze, and you nearly collapsed.

         Setting your book down, you rose from the bed, slowly creeping towards the window. The rational side of your brain screamed at you to go back to bed – there was no way Marshall could be at your window. He was dead. Long dead. Your father had said so.

         But your emotions were running wild, and your heart ached desperately, and you sat at the windowsill and unlatched the window and slid it open.

         “M-Marsh?” you greeted hesitantly, and his grin widened.

         “Hey, babe,” he returned.

         You exhaled a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, surging forward to grasp Marshall by the arms and tug him through the window. He grunted upon tumbling to the floor, crawling to the wall and taking a side beside you on the windowsill.

         “How?” you questioned, reaching out to cup his cheek. His skin was cold, presumably from the chilly night air, but he leaned into your touch nonetheless.

         “Remember the night I proposed?” he inquired.

         You nodded, left hand squeezing into a fist as if to remind yourself that the ring was still stationed on your finger – it was.

         “After your dad threw me out, I got mugged,” he explained, placing a hand over yours on his cheek. “They beat the shit out of me and left me for dead. I was lucky to make it to the hospital. It took hours, so the doctors told me, to bring me back, but they eventually got my heart pumping again. I had to stay there for a few months to recover, and by the time I got out, our senior year was over and I knew there was no way I’d be able to contact you without your parents finding out.”

         “My dad told me you were dead,” you gasped, hot tears streaking down your face.

         Marshall’s eyes widened. “He what? He seriously told you I died?”

         You nodded, your lower lip trembling. “H-he said that y-you got attacked, a-and you died on the way to the hospital.”

         “Oh, babe,” he sighed, pulling you to his chest and resting his head on yours. Damn, he smelled just as good as he always had. “I’m so sorry. I’d have sought you out sooner if I knew. I just didn’t want to face your dad again, and get you in trouble. How mad was he, after he kicked me out?”

         “He tried to take the ring,” you admitted, gazing up at Marshall.

         “Did you let him?”

         With a teary grin, you lifted your left hand. Marshall smirked widely, taking your hand and kissing your ring finger.

         “That’s my girl.”

         You lurched forward, burying your face in his neck. His arms tightened around you, cradling you to his chest.

         “I know I can’t stay,” he murmured, kissing the top of your head.

         “You can stay the night,” you replied, squeezing him tighter. “We’ll figure everything out tomorrow.”

         He nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

         You led him to your bed, all but forcing him under the covers before you curled into his side. He held you tightly, refusing to let go even for a second. You turned off the lamp and exhaled softly, your head resting on his chest. As you drifted to sleep, the last image you saw was the collection of photographs displayed on your bedside table.

[xmanicpanicx]

Romanticized Things That Aren't Actually Romantic

1) The "shut up" kiss

It happens in more movies, TV shows, and novels than I can even count. One half of the couple (usually a woman or girl) will be talking, and the other person (usually a guy) will suddenly lay an ol’ sloppy one on her mouth. Often times, she’s rambling about her insecurities, so some people think it’s cute when he kisses her, symbolically laying her worries to rest. Don’t worry, hon! There’s nothing to be insecure about! He likes you! There are two big problems with this. The first is that when someone is speaking, you shouldn’t cut them off; best case scenario, it’s rude. Of course, people cut each other off all the time in conversation, so that’s different. But when a character interrupts another character’s speech to kiss them, they are essentially prioritizing their sexual desires over the other person’s need to express themselves. It’s an action that has an agenda. Everyone wants to be truly listened to when they speak. So if, for example, we have a female character babbling about her insecurities, the male character should hear her out, and then respond to what she says. There is plenty of romantic potential in words — even more than in kisses, in my opinion. His response could still be a kiss after she’s finished speaking (as long as it’s not a rattlesnake-strike type of kiss that doesn’t give her a choice). However, we still have another problem: the female character’s self-confidence shouldn’t be contingent upon the male character’s opinion of her. In other words, a kiss from a guy, no matter how much she loves him, will not and should not heal her negative perception of herself. Not healthy. Real people and characters should accept themselves on their own terms rather than on the approval of others.

Sometimes, the sudden kiss will come in the middle of a female character’s angry rant. The male character thinks she’s cute or sexy when she’s angry, which can be frustrating and patronizing for anyone who voices their anger because they want to be listened to and taken seriously. But regardless of why the character is talking, the other character should stop kissin’ and start listenin’.

2) Female double standards

Women and girls often feel really uncomfortable when men objectify them and make comments on their bodies, so they call these men out — and rightfully so. They also call male authors out for only describing women in terms of their bodies and giving them very little, if any, personality. Once again, rightfully so. Unfortunately, in real life and in literature, there is a double standard here. It’s one thing to write an erotic novel in which bodies of every gender are described in explicit detail and with an express purpose. But I’ve read novels without any sexual content that go into so much detail about guys’ looks. And these male characters are often not well-developed, either (think of the stereotypical jock with a hot bod and no brain). Authors — especially female authors, who are usually the ones perpetuating this — need to do better than this. If it's not okay to do that to girls, it's not okay to do that to guys, either. Also, what is up with that scene from The Notebook? The one where Rachel McAdams repeatedly slaps Ryan Gosling because he’s breaking up with her. How on Earth is that okay? The Notebook is widely considered to be a super-romantic movie, but there is nothing romantic about that scene, and it should be a deal-breaker for their relationship. If the tables were turned and Ryan Gosling slapped Rachel McAdams for breaking up with him, the entire plot of the movie would be different. It would be a thriller, a story about a woman trying to escape a scary ex. We would never root for the two of them to get back together.

3) Overly-metaphorical sex scenes

Cheese, cheese, and more cheese. Would you like some crust and tomato sauce with all that cheese? So many novels shy away from the anatomical details and favor metaphors for how the sex makes the characters (or just the narrating character) feel. In theory, there is nothing wrong with this, but I personally tend to roll my eyes more often than not at the actual execution. The narrator will say something too dramatic, like “our bodies became one and the universe opened up before me.” Or “and then we were flying, soaring with and through one another.” Or something else that is just… not sexy. As far as being poetic, there isn’t anything special about those phrases, either. There is nothing wrong with describing sex as it really is. I realize that novels featuring sex that are aimed at young adults probably cannot describe things too explicitly, but there’s no need to replace dirty details with flowery language. Go for whatever sincerity you can in the situation. There are plenty of different emotions to mine and sensual details leading up to the actual sex that read more thrillingly than the sex scene itself. 

4)  Instalove

It's simply not as much fun to see characters fall for each other right away. And how could they possibly fall for each other right away, anyhow? Is it all about looks? If so, both characters are instantly less likable because they're shallow. And that's not real love, either. You need to actually know someone in order to feel a such a deep emotion for them.

It's also important to note that making the characters "love" each other at the outset of the story does not heighten the emotional stakes. It actually cheapens them. Because how can we take this so-called love seriously when we don't get to know, don't get to care about, the characters as individual people before they fall for each other?

Now, if we get to know each character and watch them get to know each other, and slowly fall for each other, that's much more rewarding.  It's character growth, and it's a whole process that we, as readers, get to experience vicariously though them.

This may just be a personal preference, but I think it's best to even avoid phrases like “my heartbeat skipped” or “my skin tingled when our hands brushed” in the beginning stages of the story. Even though the declarations of love and outright displays off affection may come later on, statements like these reveal instant attraction, which still isn't as rewarding as attraction that grows over time and through events.

5) Love interests being obsessed with each other

From approximately 2005-2015, YA literature saw a horde of books featuring teenage girls and boys who are everything to each other. I almost mean that literally. The first really popular book like this was Twilight, but it had a huge influence on everything in YA that came after, especially YA fantasy. How romantic, some people think, that hero lives for the heroine! And vice versa! Perfect! Meant to be! Everyone wishes they could have that one, true, perfect love! 

Listen. Go back to Britney Spears’s first album and play the song “Born to Make You Happy”: ”I don’t know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy.” Solid 90s bubblegum pop, but with unhealthy lyrics. An unhealthy mentality. Most of us are familiar with that heady, all-consuming feeling of falling in love, how it feels like that’s the best and happiest part of life as it’s happening. There’s nothing wrong with portraying that. It’s relatable. The glorification of it beyond all else is the problem. The hero and heroine have scares throughout the story during which they almost lose each other, and that brings to light just how strongly they feel each other, to the extreme that nothing matters except each other. Then, of course, they ultimately end up together, happily ever after, never having to part again. But in real life, people break up, or sometimes even die. People have no choice but to be apart from the person they loved so much from then on. And it’s devastating, but it’s not the end, even if it sometimes feels like it. That’s why it’s so important for books to give some indicator that there are other things that matter besides (and dare I say even more than) the one person the hero/heroine is in love with. The characters have to have some sense of self-love or resilience. They have to have other people they care about, or at least values/principles and goals. They have to be an actual person, not just a vessel filled to the brim with love for just one other person. Romanticizing a co-dependent relationship can be hope-crushing message, especially for teenagers who haven’t had enough time to grow, to weather the storm of life and toughen up and become wiser and more self-aware and self-confident. 

7) The super dominant male love interest 

Okay, I’m not trying to kink-shame anyone because I know there are people who absolutely love this trope. I want to say it’s fine, as long as it remains in Tropeland. But even if women want to keep these love interests solely within their fantasies, I do worry about the message it sends to men, if it makes them think that they can be abusive douchebags because women are into that. I already know of far too many men who think that women are only into assholes. 

Personally, I’ll never understand the appeal of a man, fictional or otherwise, who dictates what a woman should wear, her food choices, where they go and what they do for dates ALL THE TIME. And jealousy! Sure, jealousy indicates that someone cares, and it’s a normal human emotion, but I’ll never understand the appeal of a guy who gets so jealous, he won’t allow his girlfriend any freedom. I’ll never understand how cruel, disparaging words could ever be on the same sexiness level as dirty talk. And I really, really will never understand how a man physically harming a woman could be considered sexy. It’s weak and cowardly, hurting someone who doesn’t stand a chance of fighting back because they’re nowhere near as strong.

I get the appeal of a guy who sees a woman as his equal and isn’t afraid to spar with her, challenge her, and maybe even be a little bit rough with her, knowing that she can handle it. I see the appeal of a confident man who isn’t afraid to tell a woman what he wants. When his presence becomes legitimately threatening and completely selfish, that’s when I personally see a problem. But hey, to each their own.

[simschallenges]

Zodiac Legacy Challenge

(note: because the original poster has deactivated, i am reposting an archived version of the challenge rules retrieved with the wayback machine. all of the following text is a copy of the original post by @autumnalpixels.)

As someone who is a bit of a nerd when it comes to astrology and witchcraft in general, I of course love learning about western zodiacs. So I thought I’d bring my love of the zodiac signs to the sims.

I know that a challenge with this name has been made before, however mine will be more structured for each generation. This is a 12-generation legacy, with each generation representing one of the different zodiacs.

Side note: This legacy is not meant to misrepresent or offend anyone. The generations are being based off of descriptions of the zodiacs from this website. Feel free to read up more about each zodiac to get a better sense of your sim’s personality!

Starting out:

Feel free to make your founder however you’d like. Traits for each heir will be listed in their section, but their looks are up to you so feel free to get creative! You’ll start out like a traditional legacy on one of the 50x50 lots (or 64x64 if you’d like). Here is a link to Pinstar’s legacy rules.

General Challenge Rules:

Honestly this is the only way to fail the challenge, other than not producing an heir.

Generation One: Aquarius

“Aquarius’ are shy and quiet, but on the other hand they can be eccentric and energetic. However, in both cases, they are deep thinkers and highly intellectual people who love helping others. They are able to see without prejudice, on both sides, which makes them people who can easily solve problems.”

Who ever said eccentricity was a bad thing? You are a little out there and can be pretty spacey sometimes, but overall you are very passionate about your morals and strive to make other people’s lives better. Just be careful not to become a pushover.

Traits: Self-assured, Insane, Ambitious Aspiration: Leader of the Pack Career: Politician

Goals:

Reach level ten of the Politician career, either branch

Complete your aspiration

Have a club gathering at least once a week (your club can literally be for anything! Get creative!)

Have three kids, get married as an adult

Have at least four good friends (they don’t have to be a part of your club)

Reach level ten of the Wellness skill

Generation Two: Pisces

“Pisces are very friendly, so they often find themselves in a company of very different people. Pisces are selfless, they are always willing to help others, without hoping to get anything back.”

You love to socialize and surround yourself with all different kinds of people. Your parents loved you and raised you to be kind and perhaps a bit sensitive. You can be insecure at times, especially when it comes to your significant other. For some reason, you can’t seem to stay in a relationship for very long. Is there a way to fix this?

Traits: Creative, Jealous, Gloomy Aspiration: Soulmate Career: Painter

Goals:

Have at least two friends of a different race/gender/sexuality than your sim

Reach level ten of the Painting skill

Reach level ten of the Painter career, either branch

Must go through at least two girl/boyfriends before settling down

Have two kids

Own a pool (at least a 4x4 size)

Generation Three: Aries

“As the first sign in the zodiac, the presence of Aries always marks the beginning of something energetic and turbulent. They are continuously looking for dynamic, speed and competition, always being the first in everything - from work to social gatherings.”

You’re competitive and hard working, and can sometimes come across as a bit arrogant. However, you have a bit of an inferiority complex, so every time your sibling or a friend succeeds, you aren’t too happy about it and always try to one up them. But after a while, you realize that you acting this way is pushing away the people you care about. Can you salvage these relationships before it’s too late and the damage is done?

Traits: Hot-headed, Ambitious, Perfectionist Aspiration: Renaissance Sim Career: Secret Agent

Goals:

Be enemies with your sibling until you are both YA

Only have one friend until you are a YA, since they were the only one who stuck around

Repair your relationships as fast as possible

Reach level ten of the fitness skill

Reach level ten of the Secret Agent career (any branch)

Complete your aspiration

Go for a jog for a total of three hours each week

Have one kid

Generation Four: Taurus

“Practical and well-grounded, Taurus is the sign that harvests the fruits of labor. They feel the need to always be surrounded by love and beauty, turned to the material world and physical pleasures. Stable and conservative, this is one of the most reliable signs of the zodiac, ready to endure and stick to their choices until they reach the point of personal satisfaction.”

You grew up truly appreciating food and what it meant. You were amazed how a simple meal could bring a family together, and how many memories were made because of that. You were close to your parents and were taught to always stand your ground and share your opinions. However, this caused you to become a little bull-headed (pun intended). You’re super stubborn and don’t like to be wrong, and won’t admit that you are ever wrong. This makes romance hard for you, but you keep trying because you are a hopeless romantic at heart. And once you find that special someone, you are loyal ‘til the end.

Traits: Romantic, Foodie, Materialistic Aspiration: Mansion Baron Career: Business

Goals:

use the cheat sims.get_sim_id_by_name {PlayedSimFirstName} {PlayedSimLastName} Get the pregnant Sim’s ID, then use the cheat pregnancy.force_offspring_count {simID} {amount}

Generation Five: Gemini

“Expressive and quick-witted, Gemini represents two different personalities in one and you will never be sure which one you will face. They are sociable, communicative and ready for fun, with a tendency to suddenly get serious, thoughtful and restless. They are fascinated with the world itself, extremely curious, with a constant feeling that there is not enough time to experience everything they want to see.”

Growing up, you had the “perfect life”: two parents who loved each other, lots of friends, good grades, and a beautiful house. You were living the good life, so why did you always feel like you wanted more? You decide to take a step on your own, leaving your family behind to pursue your dreams in the big city. However, you quickly realize that life is harder than it seems. You can’t find a job you’re comfortable in, you can’t hold down a relationship, but you find solace in entertaining people and throwing parties. Something about being a host really makes you feel happy.

Traits: Noncommittal, Outgoing, Insider Aspiration: Party Animal Career: None

Goals:

Must have a twin (feel free to cheat for this)

You are the opposite of your twin, in obvious ways such as style, but also in more subtle ways such as emotions and reactions to events (for example, you could be stereotypical and make one of the twins a “preppy” person and the other an “emo” person)

Reach level ten of the charisma skill

Must move out to an apartment with the Needs TLC trait

Throw every type of party at least once

Complete your aspiration

Have three jobs (at least one week for each) before deciding to freelance (writing books)

Travel to at least two community lots each week and stay there for at least an hour

Have at least level four in three different skills by the time you’re an elder

Learn all of the recipes from the vender stalls in City Living

Have one set of twins (keep trying until you get them)

Be caught cheating by your spouse (you can decide whether they stay together or not)

Generation Six: Cancer

“Deeply intuitive and sentimental, Cancer can be one of the most challenging zodiac signs to get to know. They are very emotional and sensitive, and care deeply about matters of the family and their home. Cancer is sympathetic and attached to people they keep close. Those born with their Sun in Cancer are very loyal and able to empathize with other people’s pain and suffering.”

In another life you would have become a doctor, but in this one you are content with looking after your family and making sure your children grow up the best they can. You’re a loving but strict parent, and just want what’s best for your children. However, will you push them away by being too overbearing?

Traits: Gloomy, Jealous, Family-Oriented Aspiration: Super Parent Career: None

Goals:

Gen six heir must reach level five in Imagination and Communication as a toddler

Master Baking skill

Master Cooking/Gourmet Cooking skills

Host a tea party (or a small get together) every week. Invite over your neighbors, your friends, your family, whomever you’d like. Must have a baked good for the gathering made by you.

Complete your aspiration

Pick up woodworking as a hobby and craft every sculpture

You live off of your parents’ money until you get a spouse: you are to be a house wife/husband, and will never have a job. You’re allowed to sell duplicate sculptures for money, however.

Show off your sculptures by putting them on display somewhere in your house!

Pack a lunch for your kids every morning. If you forget, make them a snack when they get home.

Keep the house clean—all you have to do all day is chores, after all!

Have two kids

Both kids need to have A’s in school

Generation Seven: Leo

“People born under the sign of Leo are natural born leaders. They are dramatic, creative, self-confident, dominant and extremely difficult to resist, able to achieve anything they want to in any area of life they commit to. There is a specific strength to a Leo and their “king of the jungle” status. Leo often has many friends for they are generous and loyal. Self-confident and attractive, this is a Sun sign capable of uniting different groups of people and leading them as one towards a shared cause.”

Your parents were so overbearing to you and your sibling growing up that in your teenage years you began to rebel. Staying out late, skipping class, whatever you could think of. Your parent made sure you got good grades, but you didn’t care about school. All you cared about was your music. You were going to make it big, and you didn’t need calculus to help you rock out on your guitar. You’re arrogant and stubborn, but determined to succeed no matter what the cost. Unfortunately, that means that you can miss out on things that are most important in life.

Traits: Materialistic, Music Lover, Cheerful Aspiration: Musical Genius Career: Entertainer

Goals:

If your heir for this generation is male, come up with some sort of reason for why you got the baby. The mother didn’t want it, the mother died in childbirth, whatever. You can even move her in until she gives birth, then they have a big fight and she walks out on them.

Generation Eight: Virgo

“Virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details. Their methodical approach to life ensures that nothing is left to chance and their heart might be closed for the outer world. This is a sign often misunderstood, not because they lack the ability to express, but because they won’t accept their feelings as valid. The symbolism behind the name speaks well of their nature, born with a feeling they are experiencing everything for the first time.”

You grew up without a strong parental figure in your life, which made it hard for you to trust other people. How do you know that they would be there for you when you truly needed them? You’re cautious and shy, but curious about the world. You truly enjoy learning and collecting things, and through this passion is how you meet the love of your life. They are the only person you can trust, but they can tell you’re always holding yourself back and hiding parts of yourself away from them. Can a relationship last with this kind of distrust?

Traits: Loner, Geek, Bookworm Aspiration: The Curator Career: Scientist

Goals:

Marry a coworker who has at least one trait in common with you

Get married right before becoming an adult

Separate from your spouse for a while after a large fight (your choice if they get back together)

Reach level ten of the Scientist career

Complete your aspiration

Have a home library (at least 25 books)

Finish a collection (your choice)

Have two kids

Generation Nine: Libra

“People born under the sign of Libra are peaceful and fair, and they hate being alone. Partnership is very important for Libra-born, and with their victorious mentality and cooperation, they cannot stand to be alone. The Libra is an Air sign, with expressed intellect and a keen mind. They can be inspired by good books, insurmountable discussions and interesting people.”

You thrive on socialization. Your parents are kind of shy homebodies, but you crave constant company and cannot stand to be by yourself. This can come across as quite overbearing to some people, so sometimes it’s hard for you to make friends. And, despite being such a sociable person, you are kind of oblivious when it comes to romance. You are very childish in the best possible way, and are the kind of parent to get down in the dirt and play with your children. You are a very supportive parent and you strive to make your family as happy as they can be, through whatever means.

Traits: Unflirty, Loves the Outdoors, Goofball Aspiration: Big Happy Family Career: Social Media

Goals:

You post a lot about your kids and about your life, so take as many pictures of your kids as you can!

Generation Ten: Scorpio

“Scorpio-born are passionate and assertive people. They are determined and decisive, and will research until they find out the truth. Scorpio is a great leader, always aware of the situation and also features prominently in resourcefulness.”

You grew up watching true crime television shows and superhero movies and decided that’s what you wanted to do with your life: bring justice and fight evil. Unfortunately you can’t become a superhero, but you can become a police officer/detective. You want to make the world a better place than it was before, and you want your legacy to be something of legend. Hardworking and dedicated to your craft, you tend to focus too much on work and it puts a strain on your relationship.

Traits: Ambitious, Good, Genius Aspiration: Nerd Brain Career: Detective

Goals:

Get married to your high school sweetheart

Complete your aspiration

Reach level ten of the Detective career

Reach level ten of the logic skill

Reach level ten of the handiness skill

Get a divorce (you can decide who gets custody of your kids)

Get remarried as an elder, retire from your career

Have three kids

Generation Eleven: Sagittarius

“Curious and energetic, Sagittarius is one of the biggest travelers among all zodiac signs. Their open mind and philosophical view motivates them to wander around the world in search of the meaning of life.”

You love travel and learning new things. You want to experience as much as you can in your lifetime, which means meeting people different from yourself. You heard that one of your ancestors (generation five) was a big traveller too, so you decide to follow in their footsteps.

Traits: Outgoing, Noncommittal, Dance Machine Aspiration: Friend of the World Career: None

Goals:

Live in three different worlds for at least a week before settling down

Have kids with three different people

Never get married

Make money freelancing (collecting, gardening, painting, writing, whatever you wish!)

Completely redesign your house at least once (after settling down for good)

Go to every festival (unless you’re at work/on a date/at a wedding/etc)

Travel to the Nightclub every Friday

Complete aspiration

Master dancing skill

Master comedy skill

Generation Twelve: Capricorn

“Capricorn is a sign that represents time and responsibility, and its representatives are traditional and often very serious by nature. These individuals possess an inner state of independence that enables significant progress both in their personal and professional lives. They are masters of self-control and have the ability to lead the way.”

You hated how free spirited and laid back your parent was, and craved structure and discipline. Since a teen, you had a schedule every day after school: do homework, practice your skills for an hour, eat dinner, go to bed. Moving around so often meant that you didn’t make many friends, so you chose to devote all of your time to mastering as many skills as you could. But focusing in on one detail of life made you miss out on the bigger picture.

Traits: Ambitious, Snob, Mean Aspiration: Fabulously Wealthy Career: Tech Guru

Goals:

Since this is the final generation, you can choose whether to have kids or not. Preferably none.

Reach level ten of the Tech Guru career (either branch).

Master logic skill

Have at least level seven in three other skills (your choice)

Follow a schedule every day; spontaneity is not your strong suit

Get married as an adult to someone who shares at least one of your traits and is in the same career as you.

Live in an expensive house (200,000 simoleons or more) by the time you’re an adult

Surround yourself only with other snobby people

Buy an expensive item every Wednesday. (Perhaps even start a collection of expensive artwork or sculptures and showcase them somewhere in your house. Feel free to get creative with it.)

Oh wow, we’ve made it to the end of the challenge! I hope you enjoyed. Feel free to show me pictures or update me on your playthrough on this if you’d like (tumblr: autumnalpixels.tumblr.com/twitter: @absoluteking8). You can also use the hashtag #autumnalzodiac so I can see your posts and reblog some of them!

If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to tell me and I’ll take them into consideration. <3

[lyansi]

In uino ueritas

Summary: The moment her eyes connect with his across the bar, a feeling inside her flutters at the inevitable. Molten amber study her with an unwavering zeal. A passion ignites in the pit of her stomach, spreading through her like ichor. She presses her drink to her lips, drinking heavily as the liquid burns down her throat and soothes at the flames. He reminds her of an impression long gone now, encircling on the edges of her memories.

Maybe it is the alcohol clouding her judgement though.

Authors Notes: I want to thank @lemonlushff​, @neutronstarchild​, and @ruddcatha​ for creating and working diligently on the Seven Deadly Sins Week. This was especially fun to read, watch, and even participate in alongside so many great authors and artists.

Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi is responsible for the Inuyasha series, I only lay claim on the story I have written.

Warning: Explicit Sexual Content

Read part one of this series, Dulce periculum, (not required to understand this story) on tumblr OR on AO3

Read this on AO3

Soft background music filters into the elevator as it begins to fill, a chime indicating the closing of doors. The dimmed fluorescent lights impart an ambiance of lightheartedness and the inhabitants speak softly to one another. As the lift climbs higher in altitude, the electronic display above the doors indicates the changing of floors until, finally, it lands on thirty-seven. A soothing feminine voice announces the level as the doors open, allowing people to saunter out.

Last to emerge from the elevator is a young woman, dressed charmingly in a pleated, drawstring dress and open-toed kitten heels. She spares a glance around the cocktail lounge; on one side is the bar counter, lined with bottles of liqueurs and liquors, while the other side lined with hightop tables and chaise lounges. Panoramic windows line the entirety of the bar, giving the cityscape of Greater Tokyo, and the Tokyo Tower for view. At this time of night, with the restaurant lights muted, the city illuminates across the night sky.

From the corner of her eye, the young woman spots a trio waving her over. Smiling, she directs her path to them, lifting her hand in a small wave of acknowledgment.

“Scoot over, Kouga!” She hears the only other female speak as she nears. The tall tanned man complies, moving to the far end of the sofa. He pats the seat next to her, rewarding her with a wolfish smile. His dark hair is pulled back into a plait and cerulean eyes sparkle at her.

“Hey, Kagome.”

Higurashi Kagome returns the smile, “Hi Kouga-kun!” She sits on the offered space, looking over at the couple sitting opposite them as she places her clutch down. “How are you all doing? Did you order drinks already?” The young woman picks up a xeroxed menu as she looks over the choices.

“Yeah, Sango ordered you a— a— what did you call it again?” Kouga scratches his forehead in confusion, eyebrows coming together for a moment. The older woman, Sango, gives a small chuckle. “I ordered us some cocktails.” A mischievous smile plays on her lips. “Miroku and Kouga got some beers.” She swats the knee of the man sitting next to her light-heartedly.

“If we had let you order for everyone, we would need help getting home. At least this way, I can take my dear Sango home and we can get you home too.” Miroku clasps Sango’s hands within his own, bringing her knuckles close enough to press his lips to them. Immediately, Sango’s face flushes and she snatches her wrist away. “Stop being so perverted in public.” She hisses, glancing around to see if anyone outside of their group caught his actions. Miroku raises his hand in mock surrender.

“It’s fine, Kagome. If you drink too much, you are always more than welcomed to stay the night with me. My place isn’t too far from here.” Kouga gives her a toothy grin, cerulean eyes shining back at her.

“Oh— uh, thank you Kouga-kun. I’m sure I won’t drink that much, it’s fine.”

Kagome turns back to Sango, “How did you even find this place? I don’t think I have ever been to this part of the city.” The younger woman glances around the bar, making Sango laugh.

“Kouga found it— he said one his neighbors recommended it to him several times.” She answers and Kouga confirms with a nod.

“So how did it go— are you a doctor now?” Kouga changes the subject as he lays an arm across the sofa back, across Kagome’s section. She eyes the gesture. “I’ve always been a doctor, Kouga-kun— these practicals are to let the medical community know that I keep up to date with research.” Kagome chastises instead and the small group nods to the waitress as she sets down their drinks.

Kagome looks back at the pair in front of her, “The exams were difficult but they’re done now. I should get my results in a few weeks. I’m sure I passed.”

After almost a decade of medical training, Higurashi Kagome could not believe that she would finally be able to practice medicine without the concern of examinations, fellowship requirements, or the ardent hours of residency. Although her specialization was in pediatric surgery, as a spiritualist, she wanted to focus her medical training on youkai and hanyou in need of medical help. More so the younger urban youth who struggled with assimilation to the larger cities like Tokyo.

Medical attention was usually unnecessary for full-grown adult youkai— oftentimes, their youki helped to protect them and restore their health. Young youkai usually had not yet harnessed enough youki for such things to happen. Hanyou were even more similar to young human children. And even more at risk of injury or death, in the rural areas. When such things did happen, they came to the larger cities for asylum.

Although the Great Human-Youkai War ended decades ago, and humans and youkai lived together in the larger cities like Tokyo, rural areas were still wrought with dissent. Often, humans attacked youkai in fear, youkai retaliated and killed humans. The very idea of a human and a youkai as friends still sparked unease in those communities. Let alone those that chose get involved. Mixed emotions and confusion often spelled danger.

Together, city youkai and humans worked to help dispel the fear among these regions. In some districts, the introduction of new regulations or laws to aid sent waves of discord.

“After five long years, our dear Kagome-chan has not only finished her fellowship, but she aced her board examinations! Soon, she will be rich enough to pay for our drinks all the time!”

Sango lifts her drink in toast, a board smile gracing her face. Across from her, the dark-haired girl rolls her eyes and two give the other playful smirks.

“But seriously, Kagome-chan! We are so happy for you!” Sango gushes, sharing a look with Miroku. “Since Sango brought it up…” Miroku gives a hesitant smile to Kagome, who furrows her brows. “Suikotsu-sensei wants to expand the center. Since he is very connected with some of the more rural parts of the region, we have had a huge influx of children. I know how much you love the clinic and it would be great if you could—" Before Miroku could even finish his sentence, the young doctor shoots up in her seat, eyes shining with tears.

“Oh my goodness— yes, yes of course! I would love to join the practice, Miroku!”

The group breaks out in laughter before they settle back down, congratulatory on Kagome’s success. They down their first drink and wave after the waitress for refills. They converse on Kagome's new position, and the prosperity of the center.

Bushida Miroku is currently the proprietor of the youth center. Having grown up in a Buddhist Temple, he sought the life of a monk. During training, Miroku traveled the countryside to provide to those less fortunate. Seeing the damage and destruction left behind he moved to Tokyo. Shortly after, he began taking business classes and started an outreach center.

It was at university that he met Kagome, then a prospective medical student. She had a big heart and a bigger determination to help those in need. During medical school and part of her clinical and pediatric experience, she volunteered at Miroku’s center. There she met Daikan Sango, a fitness instructor, and the three hit off their friendship. Sango and Miroku would eventually get engaged, but it had little effect on their friendship.

Besides, of course, trying to introduce her to as many men as possible and set her up on innumerable dates.

“Would you like another drink, Kagome? Here— let me get it.” Despite her protests, Kouga stands and takes away their empty glasses. She sighs and peers over to the couple across from her, quirking an eyebrow. Miroku and Sango pretend to be oblivious to her plight, looking in different directions.

“Kouga-kun is great, guys, he is. But I keep telling you that I don’t see him that way!” Kagome huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. Sango is the first to give her a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry Kagome-chan... Miroku and I are so happy,” She pauses and smiles over at her fiancé before looking back at the young doctor, “That we want you to experience the same thing. You work so hard all the time. You deserve someone to take care of you!”

Kagome sighs, “I appreciate the gesture so much— but I am happy! I don’t need someone to take care of me, I have been taking care of myself for years! Anyway, so few men would be okay with me working the sheer number of hours I work. I need someone who supports me both for my work and my desires. When I find that person, I know it will work out. My soul won’t lie to me.”

For a moment, the young woman glances about the bar, remembering the incident five years prior. On a rainy summer evening, she found a man near death. Making a snap decision, she decided her best course of action was to care for his injuries herself.

Maybe it was the arrogance of starting her clinical experience in medical school.

Maybe it was the fact that he may not receive proper medical attention if she did take him to a hospital.

(After all, what sane, law-abiding man gets himself beat up in an alleyway so late at night?)

Whatever her reasoning, that night she felt an extreme attraction to the man. It was as if their souls called out to one another.

She never got a chance to further their acquaintance. By morning he was gone, and so was her fleeting desires. For the rest of her medical training, anytime a patient was admitted with gang-related violence, she hoped again and again for it to be him. Not once did the opportunity arise.

She longed to find another she could connect with as she did that night, but was often disappointed. She never thought herself a shallow person, but she had to admit the few men she did date, she found unattractive.

Sighing, Kagome presses her lips into a smile as Kouga approaches with drinks. “Thank you, Kouga-kun.” She toasted with him and took a sip of her beverage. Kouga and Miroku make conversation— something or another about a console game. Kagome pretends to listen as she reminisces on her escapade.

She had never spoken a word about that night to anyone— not even Sango, to whom she considered one of her dearest friends. How could she explain the dangerous situation she had put herself in? And how could she describe to her friend the dark, broad eyebrows that sat on top of his brow ridge? Or the straight, perfect nose that projected from the middle of his face? The lush, firm lips? Or even more so, the thick, corded muscles that framed his lean, powerful body?

He almost resembled the man that happened to walk out of the elevator doors. Except for the silver hair of course. And the two cute triangular-shaped ears at the top of his head. Furthermore, this man could not have the detailed tattoo embellishing his chest, shoulder and bicep.

As if hearing her thoughts, liquid amber eyes immediately latch onto her, and the young doctor feels her breath catch in her throat. A look of surprise spreads across his face before his emotions close off into a neutral tone. Kagome pretends to hide behind her drink, taking a larger gulp than intended.

Next to her, she hears a low rumble emerge out of Kouga.

“What the fuck is that damned dog doing here?” He hisses lowly next to her.

One triangular ear twitches in their direction as a grimace crosses his features. Could he hear what Kouga said? Being an inu-youkai would explain the two cute furry appendages on the top of his head.

The man turns towards the bar and walks away and Kagome can’t help but appreciate the view from behind. A burgundy leather jacket wraps around his torso, defining a wide back. Dark pants envelope thick, long legs. Curiosity peaks Kagome’s interest. Something about him was so…familiar and comforting.

Her heart speeds up, thumping against her rib cage.

“Him? Seriously, Kagome?” Kouga’s voice breaks her thinly veiled adoration for the man across the room. Blue eyes swivel to stare into cerulean, eyebrows come together in momentary confusion. Both Miroku and Sango look on but do not give input.

Kouga is a wolf youkai with senses beyond human understanding and capability.

Such as a sensitive nose and supreme hearing.

So sensitive he could smell minuscule changes in the physiological chemicals that secreted from people.

Which meant he could smell her sudden desire to the man across the way.

As well as hear the unexpected quickening of her heart.

Feeling that her inner-most thoughts and feelings have been invaded, she shoots up with fists balled at her side.

“Seriously, Kouga-kun?” She repeats his words back at him before storming off to the wash room.

Kagome places her hands on opposite sides of the washbasin, closing her eyes and sighing into the sink. She allows her agitated feelings over Kouga’s intrusion to fade away.

She had not been lying earlier when she spoke out against Miroku’s and Sango’s interference in her dating life. She knew they meant well but often, they chose to forget her disinterest in Kouga.

He was a great guy— he was. Kouga was kind, he cared for her, and he made his interest in her known. And, he was equally as handsome as he was dense because he was deeply, irrevocably dense.

No matter how many times Kagome made it known she was not interested in pursuing a relationship with him, he still made gestures to suggest that he was still very much invested in a relationship with her.

Turning the facet, Kagome opens the tap and washes her hands. With hands still wet, she rubs the skin underneath her eyes, staring back at her reflection in the mirror. Maybe it was because of her long day, Kouga’s actions, the alcohol, or a combination of them all but tired eyes stare back at her.

Puffing her cheeks out and slaps at them to bring back color and awaken her senses.

“Okay!” She smiles at her reflection before deciding she is definitely more calm and ready to face her friends again. Life seems to have other plans for her because as she pushes open the door, she runs into a person.

“Oh, I’m so sor…ry.” Her voice dies in her throat as she looks into deep, amber eyes. Dark eyebrows rise, as if in shock. She swallows a thick lump that forms in her throat and pulls a tress of hair behind her ear. “Oh— uhm.” She fumbles for words, not knowing what to say.

“Excuse me,” He says stiffly, shuffling around her to make his way back to the other side of the bar. She stares after him for a moment before shrugging it off and making her way back to the group. The man was handsome but it wasn’t like they knew each other.

Yet.

Her eyes sought after his form when she settles on the chaise before noticing a missing group member.

“Where is Kouga-kun?” She asked, looking towards Miroku and Sango. The elder woman peers at Miroku, rubbing the back of her neck as she says the next words.

“He left.”

“Like…home?”

“Yeah, after you went into the bathroom he actually ended up approaching that guy. I don’t know what they said to each other but Kouga kind of rushed out after. I thought he told you, he was texting furiously on his phone.”

There is an awkward silence. Kagome decides not to press the matter further though.

Miroku breaks it finally to say, “He is staring over here again. Kagome, do you know him?” He juts his chin in the direction behind her, to which she peers over her shoulder.

Immediately, her eyes lock on to molten amber.

She begins to feel breathless.

Her heart races in her chest.

As if she has no control, her reiki begins to swirl and surrounds the trio. And, for a moment, staring into his eyes, the world dissolved around her.

“Ugh…Kagome…?” Sango squeaks, breaking Kagome from her thoughts.

A few youkai near their seating area stare at Kagome. Blushing, she reels back her reiki, covering her face in embarrassment. “Everyone is staring at us...” She moans, peaking through fingers at Sango and Miroku who pretend to hide laughter behind closed fists.

“Oh man…”

“So, who is he Kagome-chan? Why didn’t you say you met someone?” The smile across Sango’s face grows larger with each passing moment. “I haven’t met anyone… I don’t even think I know him.” She turns her gaze back.

The inu-youkai is not-so-subtly staring back before he turns away, babysitting the drink between his hands. For a moment she thinks him to look agitated— was he waiting for someone to arrive? He had already been here for so long and yet he sat alone.

Maybe he got stood up?

“You should go over there and introduce yourself Kagome.” Miroku is the one to encourage her this time.

“Oh no! I couldn’t do that!”

“Why not?” Sango raises one brow in question.

Why couldn’t she?

Maybe it was the excitement and curiosity of meeting someone new.

Maybe it was encouragement from Miroku and Sango.

Maybe it was the alcohol.

More than likely it was the alcohol.

Regardless of the reasoning, Kagome finds herself picking up her clutch and walking across the room.

With each step closer to the silver-haired inu-youkai her sense begin to sober her.

What in the world was she doing?

What was she supposed to say to him?

Was she supposed to introduce herself?

Once again, the universe has different plans. Someone knocks from behind, making her collide into him and drop his drink over the counter and himself. Surprised, Kagome reacts by grabbing handfuls of napkins and draping the countertop in them before turning to the inu-youkai and dabbing at his shirt and pants, all the while apologizing.

His reaction is of shock, trying to fight off the young doctor as she assaults him with napkins. “Can—you—stop!” He hisses, grabbing hold of her wrists to cease her movements.

She looks up at him, liquid amber eyes boring into doe-eyed blue.

“I— I— I’m sorry.” Kagome squeaks, red faced in embarrassment. “Someone— they—“ She sputters in explanation, but her voice dies in his throat. “You have the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen.” She says instead.

He blinks.

She blinks.

For a moment, they stare at one another.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, please, ignore me, I can’t even believe I said that out loud.” If her face could get any more red, Kagome was sure she resembled a tomato. His grip on her wrists hasn’t let up though. Instead, a smirk appears across his face.

“My eyes, huh?”

The silver-haired man cocks his head to one side, leaning forward.

She swallows the lump in her throat.

“Can— can I buy another drink…?” She hesitates, trying to play off her humiliation.

He lets go of her wrist then.

“Keh— do whatever you want.” He responds and uses the remaining napkins to push away the damp serviettes.

Kagome waves to a bartender, leaning against the counter as she tries to catch his attention. Her pleated dress rises, revealing shapely thighs that are framed over powerful calves. She looks to the silver-haired man and smiles, to which he counters with a fanged grin.

Finally when the bartender acknowledges her, she orders two drinks. She turns back to her companion, holding out his drink.

“I’m not sure what you had, I hope you don’t mind the cocktail.” She hands off the peace offering, which he accepts.

“So—are you waiting for someone?” She steps closer to him, smiling.

He takes a moment before answering, “A client— but they never showed up. And you?”

She points back to the location of her friends, “Yes, I’m over—“ She notices that Miroku nor Sango are sitting any longer. “Well, I was over there. I don’t know where my friends are now.” She looks back at him and chuckles. “I hope you don’t mind if I sit with you for this drink.”

And one drink turns into two, which turns into three, as they chat to one another.

She tells him about her life as a spiritualistic physician and of her interest in pediatric medicine. She explains how she grew up in a shrine, working as a miko alongside her grandfather on off days. He doesn’t offer up information about himself. The few times she does try to press, he is quick to turn the conversation back to her.

She does, at least, learn his name is Inuyasha. First name only, though.

With each drink, Kagome leans closer and closer to her new friend. It had been so long since she felt such attraction. In fact, as the alcohol loosened her inhibitions, it also loosened her withhold of her reiki. Her spiritual power merges with his youki-- a phenomena never experienced with other youkai.

In her surprise, more spiritual power loosens and creates an unease with patrons. The bartender finally approaches and reminds them to be careful.

“Do you want to get out of here? My place is a few floors down?” His voice is husky, thick from alcohol and desire. She nods and he directs her towards the elevator. The room is much fuller than hours before, and she has to push back some people as they end up in her path. Finally, Inuyasha reaches out a hand to bring her close to his body, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

For a moment, as they stare back at one another, Kagome thinks he will kiss her. She wets her bottom lip and leans forward but the ping of the elevator distracts them.

“So how come you aren’t affected by my reiki?” She clears her throat as they climb into the elevator with another couple. He looks back at her surprised for a moment, and then confused, dark eyebrows coming together.

“I’m…a hanyou?” It seemed more like a question to her than an answer and for a moment she thought he was asking her of it.

“You’re a hanyou…?” She repeats back, as if the words were foreign to her.

“Oh.”

Dumbstruck, she doesn’t press on the issue. She definitely had not considered he would be hanyou, but now as she examines his appendages, she accepts the truth. It made sense— most full-blooded youkai had pointed ears and the few that didn’t, often looked more beastly than human.

When the elevator finally arrives at their designated floor, Inuyasha roughly grabs her arm and drags her out of the elevator, making her stumble in her kitten-heels.

“He-hey!” She sputters, trying to pull her arm back, “Be gentle.”

In the middle of the hall, the two of them stop. Inuyasha hasn’t released her arm yet but looks back at her. “Look, you should go. I get it if you aren’t interested. Most people aren’t interested in being with a hanyou.” He speaks lowly at her, his silver fringe casting shadows over his face in the dimly lit hall.

And, for a moment, Kagome can see his lifelong pain of being a hanyou. Excluded from the world and hated by both humans and demons. Eyes softening, she raises a hand to cup his face.

“I’m sorry if you thought that— I never meant to make you feel like that… Human, youkai, half-demon…it doesn’t matter to me what you are…” She whispers, her thumb brushing across his lips. His eyes look up at her and for a moment, Kagome sees his lips forming into a shape, as if he wanted to say something. Instead, he presses his lips together and looks away.

“Hey…” She whispers, reaching out with her other hand so that she is cupping his face. “Hey,” She repeats a bit louder and this time, he glances back at her, curiosity swirling in his eyes. Her reiki begins to seek him out again, swathes of pink bathing the couple. Licking her lips again, she leans up and presses her face against his, locking their mouths together.

And, for a moment, she considers that she read the moment wrong because he does not respond. But then he does. His arms wrap around her body as she reaches around his neck to comb back his tresses.

The synergy of their auras is so intense, it leaves the two breathless.

And then Inuyasha pushes her all but gently against the wall as he claims her mouth again. She gasps and fists her hands in his hair, pulling crassly. Hissing, he pulls away for a moment before she leans back up to attack his mouth again. “Wait— lets— my apartment—“ He mumbles in between kisses.

They break apart from each other long enough for him to fumble with his keys and unlock a door. He pulls her inside and the two stumble over one another as they kick off their shoes. It takes her a bit longer, as she has to loosen the straps at her ankles. When she moves over the genkan, she becomes distracted by the sight before her.

Like the cocktail lounge, the living room has panoramic views of the city. It doesn’t face the Tokyo Tower as it did floors above. She presses a hand against the glass as she observes the shimmering lights across the city. Inuyasha steps behind her, moving her hair away to expose her neck. He trails a line of kisses up her neck and into her hairline. The synergy of their auras continue to wrap around them, basking them in a comforting warmth.

Clouded by lust and intoxicated on her feelings, Kagome turns and pushes off his jacket. As it drops to the floor she has already unbutton his dress shirt, divulging her to the expanse of tanned skin. The hanyou gives a gasp when her hand presses against skin underneath the shirt. Smooth, taut muscles twitch beneath her fingers. Kagome looks up at Inuyasha, who is quick to press a kiss upon her lips.

As he pulls away, Kagome peels off his shirt. Her eyes draw to the intricate design across his pectoral, shoulder, and wrapping around his elbow. Too befuddled from alcohol and an overwhelming desire and lust, she is unable to comprehend the design. Brief flashes of gold and hues of blue encircle her memory. Unable to place it she pushes the thoughts out of her head as she attempts to trace the convoluted ink on skin.

She glances at Inuyasha and sees an compassion and recognition reflected back at her. She gives a shy smile and presses up against him for another kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. A deep rumble emerges from his chest as he lifts Kagome up. He clasps clawed hands around thick thighs as Kagome wraps them around his waist. His hands reaches underneath her pleated dress to squeeze firm buttocks, causing Kagome to sigh against his mouth.

“Bedroom—?” She gasps between kisses. Inuyasha does not respond right away but instead, the two begin to migrate down a hall, and into another room. They never break away from their passionate kiss, even as they enter the unlit bedroom. She assumes it to be the bedroom because he lays her back on a mattress. The pleated dress bunches up along her the tops of her thighs, the straps hanging from her shoulders.

As she moves to push herself up to her elbows, Inuyasha has begun to climb on top. Her mouth finds his in the filtered light as teeth, fangs, and tongues dance against one another.

Inuyasha pulls back, his eyes grazing hungrily down the length of her body. Kagome sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, reaching up to dispel the silver curtain of hair that surrounds them. The two gaze at one another before Inuyasha presses his nose into the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent.

“You smell— so amazing,” He groans, his lips and tongue drawing against her skin. Kagome gasps, thrusting her chest out and steading her hands against his shoulders. A warmth floods her, an ache so strong that begins in the pit of her stomach before stirring into the apex of her thighs.

Inuyasha’s kisses travel down her chest, clawed hands pushing up the bottom part of her dress. The sudden breeze causes Kagome to shiver but its forgotten when thick, strong hands squeeze and run along the length of her leg. Finally, one hand reaches the cleft between her legs and cup her sex.

“Ah, Inuyasha!” She gasps, fingers twisting in the bedspread. He continues his wanton wanderings as muscular arms part her legs. He pulls the dress above her waist to expose her undergarments. Inuyasha's ministrations trail down her stomach, tickling the exposed skin. His lips press a kiss to each thigh, before dipping his head between her legs.

Kagome would have bashfully pushed any lover away for such shameless displays, but her lustful intoxication stops her. She shivers as his mouth first presses to one thigh, and then the next. She gasps as his presses his lips into her cleft, fangs and teeth nipping against the edge of her panties. He reaches a clawed hand to shift her panties to the side. She bucks against his mouth and thighs hang open as Inuyasha drinks from her core, the flat of his tongue pressing against her slit.

Gasps and pants turn into mewls, her legs shaking as he laps at her center again and again. Her fingers wind their way into his hair, pulling at the locks as her hips quake under his attention. Fingernails scratch at scalp, twisting silver locks as she pulls him deeper in the apex of her thighs. As she feels a fanged tooth brush against her nub and a hand rubbing against her center, her eyes roll back in her head.

Kagome whimpers and Inuyasha curls one, then two fingers up to the knuckle, taking her to a yet undiscovered euphoria. Her thighs quake and her reiki twists in faint rosy wisps around them. She feels his own youki connect with her own, as it builds into a rapture until finally she is gasping and pleading.

"More...! More!" Kagome moans. As she glances down, Inuyasha is staring back up at her with such intense eyes. The look, in combination with his thrusting digits, drag her over the edge. It releases a dam of heat and wetness between her middle, that Inuyasha is savors from.

Inuyasha traces the dampness that soaks her thighs as he pulls her panties down. He moves away and funbles with his belt and fasteners. As he loosens them, he starts to pull down his pants. Selfishly, Kagome tugs for Inuyasha to move over her as he tries in desperation to separate himself from his pants. “Please…” She whines, hands coming between the two as she strokes him.

The hanyou groans, pausing to lay his forehead against the crook of her neck. “Please, I need you,” Kagome mewls, palming his erection. Inuyasha hisses out a few curses, “Kagome, wait—“ he gasps but forgets his thoughts when her hand encircles the skin between his head and shaft. At first she pulls languidly and then in short, quick strokes. He huffs out a few times before grabbing her wrist in one hand, and gripping his erection in the other as he lines up his hardness to her slit.

The couple gasp against each other as he thrust into her before stilling. Her muscles tremble against his hardness and immediately she's thrown into her second wave of spasms, gasping and mewling. Inuyasha presses their foreheads together, as he whispers words of affirmation. He places kisses along her temple, both eyes, and the center of her forehead as he begins to move.

He pulls himself out before thrusting back in completely, the couple groaning against the others mouth as their tongues fight for dominance. Her slickness, his grunts, and her cries, are the only sounds in the small bedroom. Their auras twist against one another, connecting and merging. Inuyasha nips at her collarbone, her throat, and her lips as his thrusts become erratic, breaths coming in short pants until finally, he spills himself in her heat. His hips slam against hers in a final thrust before dropping beside her, untangling limbs.

After some time, and once their breathing return to normal they glance at the other. Inuyasha’s amber eyes darken with desire, and Kagome wonders if she had the energy to go for another round. Almost immediately she realizes how weary she is. It is as if the entire days events finally help succumb her to exhaustion. As if sensing her fatigue, Inuyasha wraps an arm around her body and the two curl around each other. Between her mental expenditure, the alcohol, and the sex, Kagome’s eyes close and she falls asleep.

At some point in the early hours, as the suns first lights begin to filter into the room, Kagome stirs. Her throat is so dry, her muscles sore, and dehydration sets in. Smacking her lips together, she rolls onto her side— and into another body. The nights events flood back into her memory all at once and blue eyes snap open, coming face-to-shoulder. A very intricately designed shoulder, with hues of blues clouds framed around a snarling dog across the anterior deltoid. Her eyes trace the design down to the cherry blossoms that bloom and wrap around his elbow.

She knew that the inu-hanyou was familiar but couldn’t understand until this very moment. Gasping softly, she shoots up and out of bed, careful not to wake her companion. She finds her panties— stretched at the waistband— on the floor and quickly slips them back on. She tiptoes out of the room, and down the hall. She easily finds her clutch, dropped on the floor upon their entrance, and hurriedly grabs her kitten-heels from the genkan. Careful not to make noise, she seamlessly slips out of the door, with a soft click. Immediately she runs unabashedly to the elevator.

That tattoo— she recognizes it immediately upon seeing it. It was the same tattoo that framed the mans pectoral and shoulder from five years prior. The same man who she found near death in the alleyway up the street from her grandfathers shrine. The same man whose wounds she so delicately stitched together. Except last time dark, black hair framed his crown. And now, she understands why he looked so familiar: he was a hanyou. That night was definitely his night of weakness— the time in which a hanyou turns human.

Kagome’s finger is jamming repeatably into the elevator button as if it will bring the lift faster to her. She glances back to Inuyasha’s door several times from her position, half-expecting him to emerge and drag her back inside. He doesn’t and Kagome darts into the elevator as the doors slide open. As the doors begin to close, Kagome slams her back against the wall and exhales a breath, looking at the ceiling.

His tattoo, and the event five years ago tells Kagome another story.

Inuyasha is part of the yakuza.

She just had the best sex of her life with a member of the yakuza.

“Oh man…” Kagome palms her face in disbelief. What in the world was she going to tell Sango when she saw her later in the day?

[pseudoneiiric]

meta post: lili and her gender

let me go on the record to say that i fucking love lilian eyler with my whole heart, like, i typed all this out and im so fucking emotional about her! in the past, i've written things about hello charlotte and how the lgbt representation is... lacking, let's call it, and i've also made a few headcanon posts here and there about lilian's transition and her relationship with gender. so i thought, you know, let's actually write a whole ass thing about it. so here it is.

content warnings: gender dysphoria, suicide attempts, homophobia/transphobia in the original source material

PART 1: ETHERANE'S BAD TAKES so... etherane did not handle lgbt stuff well, like, in the slightest. lili is canonically genderfluid, as seen in one of those little profile things that etherane drew that doesn't actually show up in any of the games. but her genderfluid identity isn't handled well at all in the actual source material. actually, in general, hello charlotte is pretty transphobic. to cite one example, there’s this journal entry in hello charlotte 3 talking about “defective” charlotte vessels, and one of the things that can make a charlotte vessel “defective” is for them to be born amab or intersex. this already has some really bad vibes, but then we remember also that one of the big functions of charlottes is apparently for them to be sexualized (yikes!!!!!) and so we also get this weird kind of like, “trans people aren’t hot” kind of take?

but anyway. when it comes to lilian specifically, she never actually states in canon that she’s genderfluid or otherwise trans, not even in the spinoff visual novel, which, by the way, would have been the perfect place to address her gender identity, and she consistently uses he/him pronouns. we don’t actually get to see any of her thought processes about her gender at all — like at this point, i can’t even say it’s a non-issue because that would imply that they even mentioned her gender in canon. the only time we can potentially extrapolate from canon that lili might not be cis is when anri mentions that charlotte is lili’s self-insert oc. that’s kind of heavy-handed with the whole “charlotte being the female name for charles”, but that’s another matter. the point is, with the lack of any canon basis that lilian’s even vaguely questioned her gender, the reveal that she’s actually genderfluid with like, two pieces of artwork that are detached from the actual game feels very pxrfxrmxtxvxly xnclxsxvx (performatively inclusive) especially considering how.... etherane talked about lilian’s gender in particular within the actual canon material.

after all, the story behind lilian is effectively that, after she was born, her mother was forced to abort her second child, a daughter that she would name scarlett. doing so plunged her into a really deep depression that eventually took on delusional qualities. so ever since lilian was about three years old, her mother has been referring to her exclusively as scarlett, asking her to ‘ be a good girl ’ and similarly raising her as a girl. we can see here that etherane seems to have implied that genderfluidity is something that happens because other people make it so, and isn’t an identity and lived experience. (bad take!) although, albeit unintentionally, i think etherane did lay some groundwork to talk about lilian’s relationship with her gender, specifically with regards to her projection onto her oc, charlotte. in high school, when she’s more active on the internet, we see that she’s going by charlotte and using she/her pronouns. anri, her irl friend, is pretty openly critical of that, but she sort of brushes off anri’s complaints and continues to present as feminine online. now, there’s this fanfic writer who goes by the pseudonym “c”, and lilian very quickly takes an interest in him. the way she talks to c, who doesn’t know her irl, compared anri, who does, is just like flat-out like they’re completely different people.

compare, her with c:

to her with anri:

i also wanted to mention that lili does occasionally act more “femininely” with anri, but it’s never to the extent that she does with c, and in general, affectionate banter is sort of... outright ridiculed in their friendship both ways. see this one exchange:

anri: >:) always up for some roasting lili: right? <3 <3 anri: now you’re the one being gross

unrelated but it fucking kills me that anri was like “ily <3” and lili went “gross” so she went “kys” and lili deadass goes “that’s better” like that’s what anri is referencing when she says “now you’re the one being gross” and im like... please just be healthy friends who don’t wish death on each other???

it’s also worth noting that c doesn’t know that she’s not “actually” a girl, and literally when they meet, she goes like, “it’s you who should be disappointed in me. charlotte turned out to be charles, whoops! i bet you were hoping that i’d be a cute girl.” and that’s... really depressing, like, she ended up really leaning into that cutesy side of her when she was talking to c and now she feels the need to be a lot more... sarcastic and bitter, like how she is with anri, because now c “knows the truth about her”, that she’s “actually been a guy all along”.

in any case, i think the intent that etherane was going for with this was kind of like... “lilian’s actually a repressed cis gay man!” which is . not great. it gives off this really gross vibes where it’s implied that since lili was raised as a girl and is into men, she got “confused” and started going by she/her online because she couldn’t come to terms with her sexuality or whatever. and that’s just such a bad take!!!

not to mention that a really important part of lili’s backstory is... her germaphobia. she has persistent delusions accompanied by visual hallucinations where she sees people as “parasites”, which visually manifests as them rotting or decomposing. because of that, she wears gloves all the time and is repulsed by physical touch. but when she meets c (whose real name is vincent) in person, she pretty much instantly goes for skin-to-skin contact with him, where she takes off her glove and holds his hand. and like, sure, that’s sweet, but that’s really not how mental illness... works. in the slightest. she doesn’t react at all when his hand touches hers, despite the fact that she has literally had panic attacks in canon from touching things without her gloves. and it gives off this implication that mental illness can be cured with romance somehow, and that’s a really bad take!

this feeds into fandom understanding that like, well, if lilian sees vincent as pure and allows him to touch her, then Obviously she’d let him kiss her, they could probably have sex, etc. and like... she’s canonically asexual though! and that brings us to the other implication, that asexuality is somehow... caused by something. like, there’s nothing in canon to state that lilian experiences sexual attraction (or even really romantic attraction, like i know etherane went off in heaven’s gate and did a lot of ship tease, but she never really outright says she’s crushing on anyone), but judging from the way etherane handled lilian’s gender identity, i have a sneaking suspicion that she established lilian’s asexuality with her mental illnesses specifically in mind. lilian’s autistic, germaphobic, has severe ocd, and she’s been sexually assaulted in the past. therefore, she must be asexual! that’s the sort of vibes i get from the game, and im not here for it. similarly to how her genderfluidity was handled, she makes no actual statement in canon that she doesn’t experience sexual attraction. the closest she’s ever come to this is when she says to anri in heaven’s gate that she is just straight up not interested in kissing (to which anri is like, “well what if it were vincent owo??” which. ugh. anyway). it just seems really strange to me to design a character with severe mental health issues with regards to physical touch and then just sort of treat it as a given that she’s asexual. it’s another example of etherane implying that lgbt identities are results of traumatic experiences or symptoms of mental illness and not an identity or lived experience. you can be sex-repulsed and not be asexual, and while i understand that many people do identify as ace due to trauma and other such things, it still feels like really bad rep when taken with the way lilian’s genderfluidity was portrayed.

PART 2: HOW “CHARLES” IS DIFFERENT FROM “LILIAN”

throughout hello charlotte, lilian identifies herself as a passive observer, someone who doesn’t directly interfere in events. this applies mostly to her existence in false realm, where she’s like... a god, and doesn’t want to interfere in the balance of the world. but i believe she also has always seen herself as an observer. in her very first scene, the one where she and anri are watching someone get bullied, she’s the one who tells anri that there’s no point in getting help. because her role is just to observe. to take pictures for anri, to be a good girl, to say yes to everything and to never express her opinions, feelings, thoughts.

and honestly, i think the main reason for that is that she’s dysphoric. whenever she talks about herself, she’s really self-deprecating, especially compared to when she talks about charlotte. i feel like the main reason why lilian detaches herself from the world and refuses to really perceive herself is because she’s fundamentally disgusted with her gender presentation. and like, we can see in the two times that she’s presented femininely (with c and in that one comic) that lili is just so much happier and more bubbly when she’s presenting as feminine. you can literally see her stop dissociating and becoming more present in the moment because she’s just. so much more comfortable in her skin. compare:

these pictures with this one:

it’s funny i was going to say that there is a picture where she’s presenting as masculine and actually smiles like a person, but guess what! she’s texting c! so she’s actually performing femininity!

but the point is, like... when she’s presenting as masculine, especially in the canon pictures rather than etherane’s art, she just doesn’t look... happy. and then we compare that to how much more present she seems when she’s presenting as feminine, and how much more comfortable she seems in being, like, happy! and cute! but there is a downside to this. and that is...

PART 3: DIFFICULTIES IN LILI’S TRANSITION

in my sort of... “main verse” for lili, i have it so that her suicide attempt failed and that she was somehow... saved from drowning. mother passes away and she starts to... soul search a little bit and find a reason to live, and somewhere along the line she starts to transition socially. that means she starts transitioning at a pretty... extremely vulnerable point in her life. in the year between 18-19 years old, she’d be a wreck. she’s growing her hair out, but she feels insecure about it. she starts to wear skirts, but only at home. she buys makeup and never wears it. it’s a long process for her, because it’s one thing to go by she/her online or to claim she’s just a gender-confused gay boy and a completely different thing to come out as a trans woman and to actually see herself as a woman and not some kind of imposter. considering that she was raised as a girl, she would have a large amount of guilt over transitioning, feeling like she’s going to be seen as confused, or that her gender identity is a direct result of her childhood trauma. but she’s not just worried that others will see her that way: she’s worried that she’s going to see herself that way.

and for a long time, she probably does see herself that way. for a long time, scarlett would probably treat her transition as some kind of attempt to personify her unborn sister and comply with perceived expectations rather than an attempt to feel comfortable in her own skin. she’d get nervous that she’s somehow becoming scarlett, because though she’s always thought it would be easier if she’d just been her sister, she’s never really wanted to be scarlett. she’d be scared to wear mid-length skirts, scared to put her hair up in a bun, probably even scared to wear red for a time, all because she’s scared of somehow losing herself and becoming her alter.

because of her caution and concern with identifying as a trans woman and not as the “safer“ gender identity of genderfluidity (where she can say she’s trans but never actually have to “push boundaries” by wearing feminine clothing or using any pronouns besides he/him), it would likely take her a very long time to take the step to medically transition. she’d likely never get any gender affirmation surgeries just because of how invasive the procedure is, but hormones would probably be something she’d look into once she’s much older and has a more stable income.

i mentioned before that before her transition, she uses dissociation and observation as a way to cope with her gender dysphoria. she saw herself as someone who didn’t really participate in the world, was a class ghost, invisible to everyone and a minuscule part of a vast universe. but upon transitioning, she’d feel much more actively self-conscious. once she starts to present in a feminine way, she’d feel like she’s being seen, like she’s actually participating in the world, and that’s both a blessing and a curse.

she’d be much more prone to stammering, especially when saying her name, and would blush far more often. she’d be afraid of saying the wrong thing or messing up somehow. and on top of that, she’d likely feel predatory for talking to others, always wondering if others find her cute or repulsive, always wondering if someone will perceive her and harm her in some way.

she’d very likely also feel really guilty about her own emotional experience. because she’s so used to being a passive observer, a puppet that only does what others want, she would feel like it’s selfish to be just... content. she’s so actively disgusted with herself before she transitions that she’s never allowed herself to be mentally present for a happy moment in her entire life. she always second-guesses, always dismisses positive things as a mere coincidence, and after she transitions, when she starts being more present in her life, she’d feel so guilty for just allowing herself to be happy.

because of that, she has some trouble with presenting as feminine consistently — she’d vary the “level” of her feminine presentation from day-to-day, where she might go full femme one day and another day stick with a beanie and a pair of slacks. she’s much more comfortable with presenting as more traditionally feminine when she’s at home or with trusted friends in a private space, but around 19 years old, she makes a vested effort to remain in public spaces. she’d time herself, saying, “for one hour, i’ll stay in this café while wearing a skirt, and then i can leave,” and she’d gradually increase the amount of time she spends in public spaces. and eventually, eventually she does end up feeling really comfortable with her gender presentation and falls into a more static sense of style. she really likes clothing design, so she ends up wearing a lot more dynamic outfits when she’s more comfortable with herself, and she probably also mildly gets into cosplay.

i also like to think that she reconnects with anri during her young adult years. either it’s like, right after her suicide attempt (i’ve written before that she’d had anri listed as her emergency contact and forgot to change it when she moved), or it’s at some point after she starts transitioning socially. i think it’d be really sweet for them to be friends in a more real way, and the sheer concept of anri teaching lili how to properly apply makeup and to set her hair is just so fucking sweet i might die. they both deserve to have friends so i think this is just a step up from hello charlotte canon.

[somegirlsnerdywords2]

Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a D (Part 1)!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Dance with Devils:

Genres: reverse harem, demons, supernatural, romance, vampire, shoujo

Synopsis: Ritsuka Tachibana has always been a good student, so she is completely shocked when she is suddenly summoned by the student council. Even more, they seem to think of Ritsuka as a troublemaker. Led by the handsome Rem Kaginuki, the student council—also consisting of Urie Sogami, Shiki Natsumizaka and Mage Nanashiro—tries to question her, but it soon becomes clear that they have ulterior motives.However, this is only the beginning. When her mother gets kidnapped, her life is turned upside down, and Ritsuka gets drawn into a world of vampires and devils. Both groups are searching for the "Grimoire," a forbidden item allowing its owner to rule the world. The return of her brother Lindo from overseas gives her hope, but even he appears to be hiding something. In a world filled with secrets, Ritsuka questions whom she can trust in this dark musical tale, while the handsome and dangerous members of the student council compete for her attention.

[Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: One of the better animes in the reverse harem genre. Little bit of fantasy, drama, romance. This one was actually a musical... or at the very least had a notable amount of musical numbers throughout the series. I do love me a good musical. To be fair this anime had some big issues, though if you’re just looking for a bit of halfway decent reverse harem fun this should suit you just fine!

Darling in the FranXX:

Genres: action, drama, mecha, romance, sci-fi

Synopsis:  In the distant future, humanity has been driven to near-extinction by giant beasts known as Klaxosaurs, forcing the surviving humans to take refuge in massive fortress cities called Plantations. Children raised here are trained to pilot giant mechas known as FranXX—the only weapons known to be effective against the Klaxosaurs—in boy-girl pairs. Bred for the sole purpose of piloting these machines, these children know nothing of the outside world and are only able to prove their existence by defending their race.

Hiro, an aspiring FranXX pilot, has lost his motivation and self-confidence after failing an aptitude test. Skipping out on his class' graduation ceremony, Hiro retreats to a forest lake, where he encounters a mysterious girl with two horns growing out of her head. She introduces herself by her codename Zero Two, which is known to belong to an infamous FranXX pilot known as the "Partner Killer." Before Hiro can digest the encounter, the Plantation is rocked by a sudden Klaxosaur attack. Zero Two engages the creature in her FranXX, but it is heavily damaged in the skirmish and crashes near Hiro. Finding her partner dead, Zero Two invites Hiro to pilot the mecha with her, and the duo easily defeats the Klaxosaur in the ensuing fight. With a new partner by his side, Hiro has been given a chance at redemption for his past failures, but at what cost? [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 6/10

Finished airing in 2018 with a total of 24 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Ohhhh how I wanted to love this one. After Kill la Kill I have the highest of hopes for anything Trigger releases but unfortunately they tend to fall short of my expectations... such a shame. The art, animation and themes were fantastic but that’s about where the good times end in all honesty. I will never forgot just HOW they operate the mechs.... those images will forever be burned into my memories.... so thanks for that I guess?? This series had it’s moments and wasn’t a complete dumpster fire but overall it just wasn’t anywhere near the masterpiece I hoped it would be. The disappointment factor probably took a few points off in the end. 

Deadman Wonderland:

Genres: action, sci-fi, shounen, horror

Synopsis: It looked like it would be a normal day for Ganta Igarashi and his classmates—they were preparing to go on a class field trip to a certain prison amusement park called Deadman Wonderland, where the convicts perform dangerous acts for the onlookers' amusement. However, Ganta's life is quickly turned upside down when his whole class gets massacred by a mysterious man in red. Framed for the incident and sentenced to death, Ganta is sent to the very jail he was supposed to visit.But Ganta's nightmare is only just beginning.The young protagonist is thrown into a world of sadistic inmates and enigmatic powers, to live in constant fear of the lethal collar placed around his neck that is slowed only by winning in the prison's deathly games. Ganta must bet his life to survive in a ruthless place where it isn't always easy to tell friend from foe, all while trying to find the mysterious "Red Man" and clear his name, in Deadman Wonderland.

[Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 6/10

Finished airing in 2011 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Just go check out the completed manga is you’re interested in this series and watch the anime for more content. Pretty cool premise with decent art and music but is incomplete and very unlikely to receive another season.

Death Note:

Genres: mystery, police, psychological, supernatural, thriller, shounen

Synopsis: A shinigami, as a god of death, can kill any person—provided they see their victim's face and write their victim's name in a notebook called a Death Note. One day, Ryuk, bored by the shinigami lifestyle and interested in seeing how a human would use a Death Note, drops one into the human realm. High school student and prodigy Light Yagami stumbles upon the Death Note and—since he deplores the state of the world—tests the deadly notebook by writing a criminal's name in it. When the criminal dies immediately following his experiment with the Death Note, Light is greatly surprised and quickly recognizes how devastating the power that has fallen into his hands could be. With this divine capability, Light decides to extinguish all criminals in order to build a new world where crime does not exist and people worship him as a god. Police, however, quickly discover that a serial killer is targeting criminals and, consequently, try to apprehend the culprit. To do this, the Japanese investigators count on the assistance of the best detective in the world: a young and eccentric man known only by the name of L. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2007 with a total of 37 episodes. 

My Thoughts: If you’re an anime fan and haven’t at least heard of Death Note you may have been living under a rock. Or maybe the only reason you know this title is because of that dumpster fire of a live action western remake... if so I am so so sorry. Strong beginning with an alright end. A great psychological series overall though. Unique and iconic. 

Death Parade: 

Genres: game, mystery, psychological, drama, thriller

Synopsis:  After death, there is no heaven or hell, only a bar that stands between reincarnation and oblivion. There the attendant will, one after another, challenge pairs of the recently deceased to a random game in which their fate of either ascending into reincarnation or falling into the void will be wagered. Whether it's bowling, darts, air hockey, or anything in between, each person's true nature will be revealed in a ghastly parade of death and memories, dancing to the whims of the bar's master. Welcome to Quindecim, where Decim, arbiter of the afterlife, awaits! Death Parade expands upon the original one-shot intended to train young animators. It follows yet more people receiving judgment—until a strange, black-haired guest causes Decim to begin questioning his own rulings. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Now this was an interesting one! Here we have the concept of death in game form. Each episode a new player is introduced and our leading pair takes them through their chosen game. Morality, mystery and a dynamic leading pair are what drive this character driven series. You’re sure to experience a wide range of emotions while watching this anime and the opening theme was pretty good as well. Why not give it a go if it sounds like your kind of thing!?

Denki-gai no Honya-san:

Genres: comedy, seinen, slice of life

Synopsis:  Umio is a shy kid who just started his part time job at a manga store smack dab in the middle of the city. But his lifestyle isn't as glamorous as the neon lights that illuminate the city. Umio's closest friends are his co-workers who are all unique characters, to say the least, and although they're nice people, they have their quirks. They are a tight knit group of friends, have nicknames for each other and spend their weekends inside, sheltered from the extravagant scene happening on the outside. (Source: MU)

My Rating: 10/10

Finished airing in 2014 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Something light after this unusually heavy themed list. A lovable cast of characters drive this situational comedy and it’s an abosulte joy to watch each and every one of the antics they manage to get up to. A great series to bang out on a day when you aren’t feeling so great and need a little something to lighten your mood. You’re unlikely to find any deep life lessons here but it’s sure to tickle your funny bone. 

Devilman: Crybaby:

Genres: action, demons, horror, supernatural, ONA

Synopsis:  Devils cannot take form without a living host. However, if the will of an individual is strong enough, they can overcome the demon and make its power their own, becoming a Devilman. Weak and unassuming, Akira Fudou has always had a bleeding heart. So when his childhood friend Ryou Asuka asks for his help in uncovering devils, Akira accepts without hesitation. However, to Akira's surprise, the place they go to is Sabbath: an immoral party of debauchery and degeneracy. Amidst bloodshed and death, demons possess the partiers, turning their bodies into grotesque monsters, and begin wreaking havoc. In a reckless attempt to save his best friend, Akira unwittingly merges with the devil Amon and becomes a Devilman, gaining the power to defeat the remaining demons. Though it grants him great power, this new partnership awakens an insatiable and primeval part of Akira. Having the body of a devil but the same crybaby heart, Akira works alongside Ryou, destroying those that harm humanity and his loved ones. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 4/10

A 10 episode ONA that finished airing in 2018

My Thoughts: And we’re back at it with the dark stuff... I was not a fan. The art.animation had some real cool moments as did the music but it was just a bit much in my opinion. Rushed and nonsensical with characters I couldn’t care less about. Gratuitous violence and nudity. To be fair there are plenty who enjoyed this anime, unfortunately for all of you I was not one of them.

[eyreguide]

A Detailed Book Review of Jane Eyre

My thoughts on the novel was originally posted in parts on the Bookish Whimsy blog for a readalong of Jane Eyre in 2013.

Chapter I - XI

Re-reading these first chapters I am struck by the fact that Charlotte Bronte started our introduction to Jane when Jane finally rebels against her bullying cousin John and the irrational hatred of Mrs. Reed. It’s a powerful representation of Jane’s character because although she becomes outwardly subdued and her passionate nature is restrained for much of the book later, it’s important to know that this is who Jane is, no matter the cultural conventions. As a child she’s not cute and cuddly and as an adult the “rugged points” in her character must be accepted by the people she allows to get close to her.

The other aspect I find so interesting is how quick Jane is to point out hypocrisy. I think I read somewhere that children excel at recognizing hypocrisy and what is and isn’t fair and while it’s pretty serious how unfair it is that Mrs. Reed shows such disdain for Jane and gives preferential treatment to her children, and how Mr. Brocklehurst is so intent on making the Lowood girls humble and plain yet his family lives in ostentatious luxury, Jane can put her statements about these circumstances in such a way that shows a very ironic and sly wit that I really enjoy. For instance:

-  “Abbot, I think, gave me credit for being a sort of infantine Guy Fawkes.”

-  “Breakfast was over, and none had breakfasted. Thanks being returned for what we had not got…”

-  “Mr. Brocklehurst was here interrupted: three other visitors, ladies, now entered the room. They ought to have come a little sooner to have heard his lecture on dress, for they were splendidly attired in velvet, silk, and furs.”

It was great to read Jane grow into an adult - with her childhood memories sometimes tempered by the adult Jane who is telling the story so we can get that bit of humor and a little bit of perspective - like why she felt she was an outcast at Gateshead. Of course now that we are at Thornfield, there’s so much stuff to look forward to reading about!

Chapters XII-XXI

Oh Jane. I find your restlessness so endearing! When I was a teen, I would re-read those passages where Jane wishes to see more of life and “more vivid kinds of goodness” and really empathize with how she was feeling. I think this is one of Jane’s great monologues in this book, and I always find it funny how such deeply heartfelt thoughts are suddenly followed by Grace Poole and the strange laugh. It’s like those momentous thoughts of hers should be it’s own chapter!

Now Mr. Rochester! I just love him so. He acts so unconventionally with Jane from the beginning - and his sense of humor is so skewed! Cause it’s kinda mean how he didn’t introduce himself to Jane in Hay Lane. But Jane wasn’t even upset, so you know it’s true love! :D I love how Jane can barely follow and almost certainly doesn’t understand some of the things he talks about in their second conversation and yet she holds her own and comes up with great answers! The back and forth banter in those scenes between Jane and Rochester just remind me how much I love Charlotte’s writing because it’s intelligent with that touch of humor. And re-reading it I am again reminded how much I associate Michael Jayston’s voice and acting with Rochester now because I just hear and see him in this role completely! (I’m referring to the 1973 miniseries adaptation - my favorite!) Mr. Rochester is so talkative too, Charlotte makes it clear through Mr. Rochester’s words that he is falling in love with Jane, even if Jane is not so sure.

There’s really all kinds of moments in this section where I’m just gleeful every time there is an indication of Mr. Rochester’s interest in Jane. My favorite is the tantalizing “Good-night my–” Ahh, what was he going to say?? And then the whole scene after the fire in his bedroom is full of indications as well as the Gypsy scene, the scene in the garden after Mason’s attack and Jane asking for leave. These are all some of my absolute favorite parts of the book because this is the kind of romance I adore - the subtly indicated and gradual evolution of love. It’s just so beautifully done!

Chapters XXII-XXIX

The too short amount of time we get to see of Jane and Rochester’s courtship is one of the highlights of this book for me. So sweet and romantic on Mr. Rochester’s part and so sassy and teasing on Jane’s; I feel like this is a heightened idea of how Mr. Rochester and Jane’s conversations went towards the end of the three months they were getting to know each other in the beginning of the story. Where Jane was just beginning to realize her power of “vexing and soothing him by turns.” Their banter in these couple chapters just makes me smile!

But my favorite chapter in this book is chapter 27 - the one where Mr. Rochester talks to Jane after the interrupted wedding. The scene where Mr. Rochester’s secret is revealed is incredibly devastating, but in this chapter the emotional damage to this reader just gets worse. It starts with the fact that Jane believes Mr. Rochester didn’t really love her, to her realizing that he did and still does, but that doesn’t change the fact that she must leave him. And Mr. Rochester is deluding himself with a hope that he can keep Jane with him by promising to treat her as his only wife. It’s so tempting and Jane does love him, but she just can’t compromise her integrity and her moral beliefs and it’s an exquisitely painful dilemma. And even though Mr. Rochester has committed such a betrayal, I love that Jane forgives him almost instantly when she sees how remorseful he is and how much he still loves her. It’s such a big thing to forgive him for, but I completely understand it because Mr. Rochester is a flawed character and he tried this because he was desperate to secure Jane. This is the time that Mr. Rochester is totally truthful as well (it is his only recourse now) and when he has no more secrets and no more games to play but is earnestly pleading, it’s so darn moving! And romantic! So much of both Jane and Rochester is revealed in this chapter and I think that’s why I find it so powerful.

Jane’s three days wandering is a part of the book that I didn’t used to appreciate as much - it really is distressing to read how Jane suffered and was almost ready to give up. But she clung to her dignity and to her moral convictions. As if it wasn’t enough that she had to turn her back on the love of her life, she also had to suffer starvation and mortification! But again everything just reinforces Jane’s strength of character and makes her a fabulous heroine to look up to.

This section has all the extreme ups and downs of the entire book! Though I don’t really think of it, it is pretty odd that Charlotte Bronte plotted this story to have such a climax in the middle, but I feel the last section of the book is a genius addition that really completes Jane’s journey.

Chapters XXX-End

St. John Rivers - the anti-Rochester. Re-reading this part of the book again, I focused on all the things that made St. John the complete opposite of Rochester. And there’s a lot. St. John is blonde and fair to Rochester’s black hair and dark features, tall and statuesque to middle height and square-ish, a minister and philanthropic and you know Mr. Rochester isn’t that concerned with religion and early on Jane points out that Rochester’s brow is deficient where it should indicate benevolence. St. John likes to read at mealtimes and study, while Mr. Rochester can’t stop talking to Jane, St. John is completely honest with Jane and Rochester is considerably less so. Both however are intelligent, and both study Jane’s character well and find something in her to attract them but Mr. Rochester sees Jane as his equal and really better than him, and St. John sees Jane as the diligent workhorse he’s always wanted. 

That’s where I really have a problem with St. John. Sure he’s striving for good things, and wants to use his skills and intellect to make a difference and fulfill a duty to God, but with his dismissal of the individual needs of a person and then of a woman, it’s hard to feel very sympathetic with him. He continually puts reason above feeling and in doing so cannot understand the complete beauty of humanity. Of course for Jane, meeting him at this point in her life when passion has not resulted in happiness, it is great for Jane to see the other side. In this section Jane matures even more - she knows that she needs to be loved for herself and not what she can do. And she gets the family and financial independence to live free and contented on her own. 

So she can return to Mr. Rochester as his true equal - she doesn’t have to worry about depending too much on Rochester’s wealth and connections because she has some of her own. But I think the transformation Mr. Rochester undergoes is the greater. He’s so broken when Jane comes back - humbled and accepting of his fate - and what breaks my heart is that while Jane was strong enough to soldier on without him, Mr. Rochester was not. It’s too romantic that Rochester needs Jane that much. And he’s not just humbled by the experience, but also accepts God and his past. Passion balanced with reason. Just like Jane. Now they can have their happily ever after. I’ve long thought Jane Eyre a study in that balance of passion and reason - Jane was too passionate at Gateshead but tempered at Lowood by Helen’s reason, then Jane is pushed towards an excess of passion at Thornfield and an excess of reason at Moor House, to finally find the middle ground with Mr. Rochester at Ferndean. 

This book is just so extraordinary to me. It has so much depth and has resonated with me so strongly ever since I was a teen. I wonder what I would have thought of it if I had read it when I was older, but I’m so glad I had the chance to grow with this story because I’ve found so many different things to appreciate about it at different times in my life.

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 2: Castles In The Air

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)

…in which Y/N can’t stop worrying about Harry, but she isn’t the only one.

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Word count: 5k

Wattpad link

Chapter 1: Fire And Rain - Harry and Y/N go back to where it ended.

A/N: Welcome back to emotional hell. Listen to What If I Never Get Over Your? by Lady Antebellum for full experience. - Allie.

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Isaac thought he had done a great job. Y/N had trusted him enough to reveal why she'd gone back to Holmes Chapel last year, not because of her father's wedding, but because of Harry. He knew everything, from how they'd got together to how they'd ended. Though the truth was evidently unpleasant, it also made him sigh in relief, for he was sure she had officially moved on.

But last night he'd seen for himself, how she had freaked out at the party and later broken down in the hospital. He'd seen the way she'd held Harry, how she'd cried, thinking something bad had happened to him. She was usually talkative when they were alone, but had been awfully quiet on the drive back to her place. It didn't take a mind-reader to figure out what was bothering her. It was that hug they had shared, what he had whispered into her ear that nobody else would ever know. And in that moment Isaac realized, there was a place in her heart that he could never reach.

It'd been a rough night, and his loud thoughts had kept him awake until 3AM, with fear that the girl in his arms could leave him any minute. But when the morning came, everything seemed to have fallen back into place. Stepping into the kitchen with sleep in his eyes, he was greeted by his girlfriend's gleeful "good morning!" and the delicious smell of sizzling bacon and eggs. Maybe he had over-exaggerated the situation yesterday, because Y/N was still here, and she was...making breakfast?

"Y/N! The eggs!"

"Shit!" The girl nearly knocked everything off the table as she fled across the room to turn off the stove. Clouds of dark smoke erupted from the frying pan, causing the couple to start coughing uncontrollably.

"My eggs..." She mumbled with a frown when he stroked her head and burst out laughing.

"I thought my girl was possessed, but I'm glad she's still herself." His joke made her snort as she tossed the burnt egg into the bin and told him she would try again. But after what he had just witnessed, he thought he should do all the cooking from now on, for their own safety.

"Step aside. I'll manage," he said with a smirk, nudging her with his hip to steal her spot as they both giggled together.

"Okay, so you take care of our breakfast. I'm gonna finish this."

Curious, Isaac stole a glance at his girlfriend, and saw her put the tuna salad she'd made into a lunch box. It wasn't like her to wake up early, make breakfast and lunch for herself. She hated cooking more than she hated children crying on the bus, and she'd rather starve than turn on her stove.

"Hey," she spoke before he could ask. "Can you bring this to Harry later?"

"Did he ask you to cook for him?"

"No." Y/N shook her head. "Niall said he wasn't allowed to go anywhere, so I decided to make him food."

Her naive response made Isaac cackle. He told her not to worry, that Harry's team would make sure he had the healthiest, and most expensive meals, while laying in bed. But that didn't ease the wrinkles between her brows.

"These foods will help his wounds heal faster." She met his thoughtful stare. "Besides, you two have to talk to each other at one point. This is your chance to make up."

"We're fine."

"How 'fine' exactly?" She arched an eyebrow at him. "I know everything is my fault, and I'm trying to—"

Isaac didn't let her finish. He grabbed her chin, kissing her full on the mouth, and slightly pushing her backward until her back bumped into the desk. His kiss became more urgent as his hands moved to hold her cheeks. She kissed him back, fingertips resting on his face. Neither of them knew what had gotten into him, yet both went with it because, what else would they do?

Reassurance. He needed reassurance.

But this kiss wasn't it.

Slowly, he pulled away, tucking a loose strand behind her ear as his heart started racing faster. With a smile to cover up the fact that he was on tenterhooks, he said in hushed tones, "why don't you ask Niall to bring him the food? They live very near each other."

The truth dawned on Y/N as her eyes shifted away from his. She thought for a couple seconds before nodding her head, and Isaac hoped she didn't think he hated Harry. How could he? He loved Harry like his own brother, and had sacrificed a lot for him since they became friends; like his top bunk in the dorm because Harry wanted it, his 20th birthday party because Harry had failed a movie audition that same day, his first magazine cover deal because Harry's hateful ex was the model, and many other times he couldn't recall. He'd done everything, no questions asked, because he believed Harry would do the same for him.

But Y/N wasn't something they could take and give whenever they wanted. She was a person, someone Isaac truly cared about. And he'd known from the start once he'd fallen for her he could never step back, which was why he'd asked Harry if he'd had feelings for her too. If only the answer had been 'yes' since the beginning, he would've walked away for them to be together. Would Harry have done the same? Would Harry have respected Isaac's feelings for Y/N and stepped aside, instead of going after her while Isaac was in Rome? No. Harry had done the opposite. And even so, even now, Isaac would still walk away. But things weren't as simple as it used to be. He was in too deep to undo how he felt about her for someone who'd broken her heart again and again.

There were certain things in his life that he was always in control of. Feelings, just weren't one of them.

.

.

.

"What do you mean you're in LA?!"

"I got on the plane as soon as I dropped Harry off last night." Niall sounded so casual, as if it wasn't a big deal to fly to a different country every time he was bored. A normal person like Y/N could never relate to it, though she guessed nothing could be too much for someone with excessive fame and fortune like Niall Horan.

As Niall rambled on about his second birthday party in LA, Y/N had missed most of it while busy sorting the books on the shelves. She would get in so much trouble if her manager caught her on the phone while at work again.

"That sounds super cool, Niall. But I really gotta go," she told him, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder. "Have fun at your party."

"Thanks! Have a nice day, Y/N!"

I wish, Y/N thought, as she hung up and headed back to the reception counter. There hadn't been a single customer that morning, so her friend and co-worker Alice was sitting behind the counter, filing her nails instead of doing whatever she was supposed to do. Sometimes Y/N truly felt bad for their boss. He had only two employees, but neither one was hardworking or at least responsible.

Alice actually got fired from her job in their university library for never showing up on time, and Y/N couldn't stay there either. Without Alice, no one would make sure she got to read as much as she wanted without getting caught. So the girls ended up finding this new job, and apparently hadn't learnt any lesson from their previous one.

"Al, I need back up," said Y/N as she threw on her jacket and grabbed her bag and lunchbox. "If Eddie comes back before me, tell him I've got some 'lady issues' and had to leave, yeah?"

"Lady issues? Wow, we've really run out of excuses, haven't we?" Alice seemed quite amused.

"He'll believe anything." Y/N rolled her eyes as she scoffed. "Once I told him my cat was sick, and he gave me a weekend off."

"You have a cat?"

"No, but he has three."

Alice giggled as she gave the older girl a high-five. They could only be mean to Eddie when he wasn't around. After all, he was the one who paid them, so the least they could do was treat him with respect...when he was around.

"You're meeting up with Isaac?" Alice asked with a massive grin, but Y/N only shook her head and said, "a friend."

Waving Alice goodbye, she left the store and walked to her car which she'd recently bought from a man living in the same building. Though it ran out of fuel pretty fast, and once left her stuck on an empty highway in the middle of the night, it was still good for a used Vauxhall. To be honest, she'd made a lot of questionable buying decisions ever since she moved to London, but that car wasn't one of them.

As Y/N buckled up her seat belt and started the engine, she only had one thing on her mind. Maybe she should leave the lunchbox at his door, ring the bells, and run away before he saw her. That way she wouldn't have to talk to him and still make sure he got her food. But on second thought, wouldn't it make her a coward? If she was so sure that she was completely over him, she should act like an adult and face him at some point. Besides, she'd said it herself, Harry was mentally and physically unwell. What he needed most at this point was someone to look after him. If not Niall or Isaac, that someone had to be her.

.

.

.

When the doorbell rang, Harry didn't expect it to be Y/N.

He had too many 'friends' here in London. But ever since his accident made the news, the only person who'd come to visit him was his manager Jeff, which said a lot about working in this industry. The cameras might stop rolling but the people never stopped acting. His Bambi, however, was different from all the others. She showed up here because she genuinely cared about him, and even though he didn't deserve that kindness, he was very thankful she'd decided to come.

"I brought you lunch." Y/N showed Harry the pink lunchbox and a wide grin that made his heart leap in content. 

As she walked in and politely asked to use the bathroom, he played along, saying "you're welcome" in response to her humble "thank you". They thought it would be less awkward if they pretended that she was a stranger to this place. Pretending was easy, forgetting was hard. The memories of their last night together were still vivid as if it was yesterday. She had stood right there in the middle of his living room, in his shirt, with tears running down her red cheeks. The look she'd given him was utterly heartbreaking. And if he could go back in time, he would tell her those three words again and again until she agreed to stay.

"I guess I'm leaving now."

But he couldn't go back in time. And this was reality. He watched the smile fade from her lips as she walked right past him, straight towards the door. On spur of the moment, he said aloud what he should've said a year ago.

"Stay."

She stopped dead in her track, turning to look at him like he'd committed a crime. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel uncomfortable, so he plastered a smile on his face. "Stay for a cup of tea?"

"I have to get back to work," she replied with a sense of reluctance.

"Since when do you care about work?"

"Excuse me! I'm very responsible, alright?" She pointed to herself as they both cracked up in unison.

Harry guessed he must've looked like a fool for smiling this much, still he couldn't help it. Her presence made him feel alive. He shouldn't have spent a fortune on a therapist while he could've just gone to her instead.

"It won't take long," he insisted, this time giving her a pout. Y/N tossed her head back as she rolled her eyes, knowing for sure there was no way to deny him when he looked at her like that. So she shrugged off her jacket and hung it up by the door, making him sigh in relief.

"Only for a cup of tea," she emphasized the word, more like a reminder for herself than for him. But even so, once they had finished their tea and the discussion about how those doctors had stitched up Harry's wounds, they switched on Netflix. And that was how hours had gone to waste, only for a cup of tea. Well, it wasn't actually a waste, at least for Harry, who needed an excuse to spend as much time with his Bambi as possible. He was like a teenager on his first date, stealing glances at the girl he fancied, hoping she wouldn't notice, though he wouldn't mind if she did.

Judging by her many different facial expressions, Harry believed he might've missed a whole lot of what was happening on the screen. But he was too far gone to keep on watching while she was right here. When the last episode ended, they sat in silence, staring at the rolling credits. He was waiting for her to suggest watching something else so they didn't have to talk. But apparently, she also felt like a conversation was necessary. She turned to him, both of them parted their lips and quickly looked away at the same time. He caught a glimpse of her hands rubbing onto her thighs. She was nervous. And he was too.

"You've...changed your wallpapers." Her little discovery made him laugh a little bit. As it turned out, he wasn't the only who sucked at starting a conversation.

"I did. Thank you for noticing."

She met his eyes and they were beaming at one another. Now that the unwelcoming awkwardness had passed, Harry thought he should say something. Tell a joke, maybe. No, that poor attempt would be suicide. But what should he say? Everything that he wanted to say was all wrong. He couldn't tell her that he'd been thinking about kissing her since she walked in. That he missed her so much his body ached. That he could still feel her in his arms after last night, and now he began to wonder if she could feel it as well. Most of all, he couldn't tell her he loved her. He thought he might've missed the only chance to say it, and now his life sentence was to live with it as a secret until the day he died.

As he kept on fidgeting, Y/N's eyes wandered around the room, and spotted his new movie script lying on the desk opposite from them. "Castles In The Air," she read the title aloud, catching his full attention.

"That's not for you! It's confidential," he said quickly as she attempted to go get it.

Y/N breathed out a laugh, rolling her eyes. "What's the point of having an actor as a friend, if you still have to wait for the movie to come out like everyone else?"

Harry didn't know why he started beaming at the word 'friend'. Just yesterday they were nothing, and now she called him a friend, which meant he was gradually gaining back her trust. And that was enough to keep him happy for the rest of the day.

"You know," she began, resting her chin on her palm. "When I was little I used to think that 'castles in the air' were actual castles floating in the air. I got so fed up when I learnt the real meaning of it. Desires, ideas, or plans that are unlikely to be realized. How disappointing is that?"

He nodded to agree. "It sucks to grow up and find out not everything is possible."

His remark made her chuckle. Her eyebrows knitted together as she told him, "our 'castles in the air' are all built out of fear. They're like...our coping mechanism."

"How so?" He asked, smiling while studying her expression. He loved the way her eyes twinkled when she came up with something smart, which was almost everything that she said. The way she observed the world was different from everyone else, and he adored her for that, he could listen to her talk forever.

She began with a little smile. "We create these unrealistic ideas and believe in them to distract ourselves from our disappointing reality. For example, we talk about inhabiting on Mars, so we don't have to worry about our planet dying. We tell ourselves that something big is gonna happen to us tomorrow, because we don't wanna roll out of bed and repeat the same boring day. We believe the person we love will also love us back, because we can't stand the fear of rejection."

Harry knew she didn't include the last example on purpose, and only realized how ironic it sounded until after. As she paused to make sure he wasn't upset, he gave her a reassuring smile. "So...tell me yours?"

Y/N held his eye contact as she spent some time thinking before answering his question. "Don't have one. I already have everything I need."

Even herself didn't fully believe in those words. How could he? But he wasn't going to force her to give him the truth. He accepted that answer, and let it go, allowing the silence to sink back in. This time it only lasted for about five seconds.

"Give me your motorcycle key," Y/N said as she opened her right hand, looking dead serious at him.

"Why?" He lifted one eyebrow in confusion, at the same time, slightly amused.

"Because I don't trust you with it after last night. Come on, hand it over."

Sighing, Harry grabbed his coat on the backrest of the couch. He pulled out the key from the pocket then put it in her hand. She gave him a questioning look, chuckling nervously.

"I was only kidding."

"I wasn't," he answered to her surprise. "I already told you, I don't want you to worry again. So you can have the key."

She stared at him as if he'd said something wrong. He watched her lips tremble, not knowing what to expect while the look in her eyes was eating away at him.

"At the hospital..." His entire body stiffened once he heard those words. "You said something about...the fireplace. What did you mean by that?"

"You know what I meant..." Harry said under his breath.

"I don't. That's why I'm asking." Her voice was soft, yet stern and direct, letting him know she wasn't going to let him off that easily.

But he didn't believe her. Y/N would never forget her mother's words. She must've had figured out what he meant right when he said it. Thus there was only one good explanation.

Fear.

She was fearful of hearing those three words now that she'd moved on. So she hoped he had misunderstood the metaphor, or at least remembered it differently. It'd be easier for her if he didn't love her. Then they could pretend like nothing had ever happened. And she wouldn't have to feel guilty for being with Isaac. Harry wouldn't know for sure, but it didn't matter. Right now, he must make up his mind. He could either tell her what she wanted to hear, which would make him a liar; or tell her what he wanted her to hear, and never spoke to her again. Either way he would lose.

The sound of doorbell shot Harry right out of his seat as he took it as the universe throwing him a lifeline. Despite his injured knee, he dashed towards the front door, praying it was Niall, or Jeff, Gemma or even Isaac. Nevertheless, he was out of luck.

"Rubes..."

His gruff voice immediately washed off the beam on the woman's face. She released a faint gasp, cupping his cheeks and observing the scratches from the accident.

"I wish you'd called me," she uttered before pulling him in.

Harry didn't expect that hug. His first instinct was to push her away and turn to his Bambi, whose eyes widened in shock as she rose up from the couch. The way Ruby looked at her was far from courteous, so Harry guessed she had assumed only the worst about them. There was no possible way this encounter could end with smiles and handshakes.

"This is Ruby," he spoke, unable to look into those eyes when he was introducing her to the cause of their last goodbye. "Ruby, this is—"

"Y/N, Harry and I were neighbors in Holmes Chapel," she said, stepping forward to shake the woman's hand. 

"How long are you gonna be in London?" Ruby asked, throwing on a grin. It was scary for most people how fast she could switch from one emotion to another, but Harry had grown used to it. It was only with him that she showed how she really felt.

"Actually...I live here in London. Harry and I knew each other when we were kids, then we separated for a long time," Y/N said, still Ruby wouldn't leave her alone.

"And how did you meet again? He's never mentioned you, not even once."

"Rubes," Harry cautiously lowered his voice as a warning, but neither of the girls paid attention to him.

"It's a long story, Harry can tell you later," Y/N calmly said before picking up her handbag and placing Harry's key on the glass table. He thought she would just head out of the door without turning back, but instead she stopped right in front of him. She was expecting something, and he knew exactly what it was.

He ignored the look Ruby was giving them and pulled Y/N into his arms like he'd done the previous night. He made sure no space was left between them, and that she would have something to remember when she walked out of here. But Y/N knew Ruby was watching, so she just put her hands on his back, barely touching him though it was all she wanted to do.

"Text me when you get home safe, alright?" He whispered.

Without another word, she gave him a nod before pulling away. Then she was gone, leaving so fast he could barely finished the word "goodbye". And now he was scared to guess what she might think of him after today. The man who kept running back to the ex he said he didn't love anymore, the same man who'd broken her heart and let her run out in the pouring rain, not the man who had changed and deserved a second chance to make her happy. So much for closure and sincerity, he thought.

With a heavy heart, he shut the door and turned back to Ruby, who was waiting for him, lips slightly parted.

"Have you been sleeping with her?" She asked immediately.

"No," was his answer as he walked back to the couch. Her big cat eyes observed his every move, like she was the predator and he was her prey. In silence, she came to sit by his side and watched him open Y/N's lunchbox while acting like she didn't exist. Now she couldn't take it anymore. She pulled the lunchbox away from Harry, leaving him flabbergasted. If only he would snarl at her, or at least show any kind of emotion to prove that he cared, but all that she got in return was silence. And Ruby hated meaningless silence more than anything in the world.

"She wasn't just a friend, was she?" That wasn't a question, this was, "are you in love with her?"

"She's got a boyfriend. Are you happy to hear that?"

"No." She bit her bottom lip. "If you don't look happy to say it."

"Fuck, Rubes." Harry exhaled, causing the older woman to flinch in surprise. "What else do you want me to say? She's dating Isaac. My best friend. Can you just give me a break?"

Not a single part of that answer stated that he wasn't in love with Y/N, but that was the last thing Ruby cared about at this point. She was so hopeless that she would accept any answer showing a possibility for her to win him back. Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile, forgetting he could always tell when her happiness was fake.

"I'm sorry...I overreacted." She said quietly. He hoped she would stop there, but he knew her well enough to be sure that she wouldn't.

"I have every right to worry though," she began as expected. "You promised to give me a chance, but stopped talking to me since you came back from Holmes Chapel. Then this girl was in your house, and you started acting weird towards me. How am I supposed to feel?"

"I'm sorry...I've had a terrible week." He sighed, turning back to her. There was no reason for him to be sorry, but if it could stop Ruby from giving him a hard time, he didn't mind saying it.

"I forgive you," she whispered, laying her head on his shoulder. Harry swallowed hard when he felt her lips at his ear and soon on his neck. They used their mouths a lot when they were together alone, just never for talking. This was the only way for her to get close to him, and Harry knew exactly how this would end. The only thing on his mind when he kissed her lips, was the look of disappointment Y/N had given him before she walked out. He was also disappointed in himself, yet did nothing to stop Ruby from getting down on her knees and undoing his pants. His head tossed back, and his eyes fell shut. He just wanted to feel something other than a heartache, anything.

.

.

.

The tension in the room had escalated to the point of no return. Something had gone wrong, and Y/N could only wish she knew what it was.

It was probably a bad idea to tell Isaac about her going to Harry's place, but from her own experience, every failed relationship began with a secret, no matter how small. And they were doing so well, she didn't want to mess this up by keeping a secret from him. However, his reaction left her confused. His smile dimmed slowly before fading out, and the blue in his eyes turned ice cold.

"I thought Niall was gonna bring him the food?" He mumbled, not looking at her, even though she was sitting right by his side on the bed.

"Niall was in LA. I called him," she tried to explain, tugging harder at his sleeve to gain back his attention. "But does it matter? I was trying to tell you about—"

"Ruby. I get it." He breathed.

No, he doesn't get it, not at all. "Harry is in a bad place right now, and the last thing he needs is going back to her. I'm worried about him."

"Aren't you always?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked, withdrawing her hands at once.

Isaac rose up and started pacing back and forth, until he was calm enough to stop and point a finger at her. "You're worried about him and Ruby, not because Ruby is toxic for him. But because you cannot accept that he's still the same person who hurt you before."

"No—"

"Don't." He took a step back when she got up and reached for him. Her heart was pounding, and her eyes watered in a second.

"You still love him, right?" Isaac's breathy voice was mixed with a tired laugh that made his body shake slightly.

Without a second thought, she surged forward to seize his arm. "I don't. I'm with you now," she whispered, sounding so desperate, but it wasn't enough to convince him to stay. He took her hands and pinned them to her chest. In that instant, her heart wrenched as the lump in her throat grew bigger.

"Lie to yourself all you want, but don't lie to me." His voice was dangerously low, as if even himself couldn't believe he was saying those words. "You cannot love me, or anyone else for that matter, at least not as much as you love him. But wake up, Y/N. He loves Ruby. He's always gonna love Ruby, he's not gonna change for you. I wish you could just see that...Why can't you see that?" Isaac voice went weaker towards the end, until he had nothing left to say to her, so he reached for the door handle. He told her they could continue their talk in the morning, when they were in their right mind to think this through. However, Y/N had a feeling that nothing was going to change.

Once he had left, she sat alone on her bedroom floor, contemplating his last words over and over again until her mind became numb and she couldn't continue. That was when a text lit up her phone.

⌲ H: Are you home yet?

She almost ignored him. Almost.

⌲ I am. Sorry, forgot to let you know.

⌲ H: It's okay :)

Three dots popped up to show that he was typing, only to disappear right afterwards, leaving Y/N heartbroken. She wasn't thinking straight when she wrote 'Had a fight with Isaac. I don't know what to do.' But right before pressing send, it occurred to her that having him involved might be a bad idea, so she deleted it all and put her phone on airplane mode.

At that same moment, Harry was sitting fully-naked on his bed, patiently waiting for those three dots to reappear. One minute. Two minutes. Now it'd been five, and his heart slowed down for he knew it was not going to happen. He put his device back on the nightstand, just as Ruby pulled him back under the covers. He let her snuggle into his bare chest, while all he wanted was to get out of this room because it didn't feel right. In the darkness, he imagined the girl he loved lying in the arms of his best friend, and his heart wilted to the unpleasant thought.

Little did he knew, Y/N was on her own, trying to fall asleep so she would wake up to a message from Isaac that said everything was fine. But was it really? Or was it just another one of those unrealistic fantasies she'd created for herself — her coping mechanism? Building castles in the air was easier than accepting reality. Having a perfect relationship, a perfect boyfriend, a perfect life, were certainly better than facing the same ending twice.

[darkpoisonouslove]

“A (Plot) Bunny Is Never Lonely”

Summary: When Kiko tugs on Marion's skirt in an attempt to alleviate his loneliness, he also tugs on her heartstrings with the familiar feeling. But the feeling of the little bunny in her hand is yet another thing she didn't have before and it helps her realize that not all has been lost for the royal family of Domino.

This originated as a joke which then grew into a drabble which then grew into a full fledged fic. It is much more serious than the title will lead you to believe which is why I left it as a means to recreate my own experience with writing this fic.

Marion looked down when she felt the slight tug on her dress only to be met with two perky blue ears that moved when her gaze met that of the bunny.

“Hello, Kiko,” she greeted as she bent down to pick the bunny up and he readily let go of her skirt and hopped in her palm, allowing her to bring him up. It was good to see he was adapting to the changes as well since the first time she’d seen him, he’d been hiding behind Bloom’s legs and holding on to her bell bottom jeans. She’d had to pick him up and hold him in front of her to introduce him to them and he’d only calmed down after Marion had smiled at him. She supposed it made sense he’d been intimidated by her and Oritel, especially if Bloom had shared her concerns about not being a good enough princess with him. But he’d gotten used to them and Marion really wanted to think that that held true for Bloom as well. “You’re such a welcome distraction,” Marion said as she held him up.

Oritel and her were going through the budget and even though it was a thing that had to be done and they’d done it what felt like a million times before, it didn’t make it any more pleasant. The whole table was covered in books and scrolls and it was a mess since economy had changed a lot during the years they’d missed. She was feeling a headache beginning in her temples and she was getting distracted looking at Oritel’s hands and imagining how having him giving her a massage would feel rather than actually working so she could use a little interaction with the bunny.

She felt Oritel moving, probably trying to draw her attention. She couldn’t quite decide whether he was jealous of her or of Kiko. The bunny seemed to take to her more since Oritel’s sudden outbursts startled him and Oritel didn’t seem entirely happy about it, though she couldn’t tell which end of that newly formed relationship bothered him. It could easily be either since Kiko was practically Bloom’s best friend–along with Stella, of course–and Bloom had been thrilled to see he was rapidly getting used to Marion’s gentle strokes on his head and back. Marion just hoped Oritel wasn’t feeling like he was in a competition with the bunny for her attention. As understandable as his jealousy would be after having her so far away from him for all these years, there was no need for it since he was always there in her heart and no one and nothing could root him out even if they tried. And she had enough love for all of them, so much love that she’d been wanting to give. And now she could.

She focused on Kiko who smiled at her, completely aware of what she’d told him. She was still amazed by his sentience. He was practically like a person save for the ability to speak and she’d never seen anything quite like it. She would love to learn more about him since she was sure there was something magical in him but she didn’t want to make neither him, nor Bloom feel like she was running an experiment on him so she settled for just observing him and feeling her heart melting in flames that were both warming and vicious at the sight of the bond between him and Bloom. She knew Bloom hadn’t really had friends before Winx and while her heart ached for her daughter and everything she’d been through, she was glad that Bloom had had Kiko. He was quite the remarkable bunny and she’d seen him responding to Bloom’s moods with great concern and care. It had made her wish she’d had a friend like him when she’d been Bloom’s age.

“Where is Bloom?” she asked, her heart skipping a beat when she saw Kiko’s ears dropping down and falling on both sides of her palm, his fur brushing against her skin.

“Sky arrived earlier,” Oritel said, making her look at him, a frown on her face that was met with a similar expression from him, though she supposed it couldn’t be called a reflection if the reasons behind the two were different. She hadn’t been informed about that and while she didn’t by any means need or insist to know absolutely everything that was happening with Bloom, she was a little surprised she hadn’t heard about it. Bloom usually got very excited when Sky could find the time for a visit so it probably meant it hadn’t been planned. It could very well be a surprise–nothing quite like young love–but her motherly instincts were relentless and started off all kinds of alarms in her head, making her worry about her baby and anything potentially wrong. “He also brought Locket with him,” Oritel said and at least he seemed to be well informed about the whole affair so she supposed there was nothing concerning and her heart relaxed a little.

Marion had met Locket, too, the little pixie less on edge than Kiko had been but still somewhat nervous. Though, Marion had learned that was more or less a part of her nature. She was a very lively being but rather clueless sometimes which complemented Bloom as much as it mirrored her and it was charming to watch the two of them together.

“Did you get left behind?” Marion turned her attention on Kiko again since he’d been ignored enough. Bloom sometimes didn’t exactly reciprocate the devotion Kiko was displaying and was taking him for granted–especially when Locket was around–and it was tugging on her heartstrings to see Kiko so dejected. It was like his little heart had been torn out of his chest and stepped all over and it pained her. She hadn’t talked to Bloom about it since she hadn’t wanted to start lecturing her about how to live her life after she’d just become a part of it but perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. She was sure Bloom wasn’t even realizing she was ignoring Kiko and the effect it had on him–she could get a little hyper focused on something and forget about everything else, though that was practically in her genes, and she’d had a lot of emotions to deal with lately so it was understandable if she’d gotten overwhelmed and didn’t have the capacity to be more giving currently–so perhaps a talk was exactly what she needed.

Kiko only crouched even more in her hand as if the weight of the loneliness was going to crush him and Marion felt a burn in her eyes as the tears were on their way as Kiko looked exactly like her inner self had for a big part of her early years when she’d been nothing but the crown princess of Domino. Not a human being and certainly not a daughter and a friend. She’d been so lucky to have Oritel–and Hagen, too–reach for her hand and share his life and love with her. She wasn’t certain she could’ve done it otherwise, any of it. Just the thought of being without Oritel was too frightening so she pushed it away.

“You can stay here with us,” she said and smiled at the bunny that immediately perked up. She moved to stroke his head and saw him close his eyes in content.

“We have work to do,” Oritel said, his tone controlled but still sharp and he was eying Kiko with a level of distaste that the bunny had all but deserved. It did turn out useful, though, since it gave Marion the needed confirmation about what was going on in Oritel’s head and she could now work on solving that, too. It was something she would tend to much more lovingly and carefully than the papers in front of them.

“He can help,” she said, fully aware that that wasn’t in Kiko’s capabilities as impressive as he was but it would give them the much needed opportunity to bond. He was a member of the family whether Oritel liked it or not. Though, Marion supposed that he just needed a little time and the right outlook and he’d come to love Kiko as much as she and Bloom did. And even Daphne had grown on the bunny despite him being startled by her appearance at first. Marion understood the feeling as she’d been too, her heart aching for her other girl as well. And while Kiko was enjoying Daphne’s touch, she couldn’t help but feel robbed on behalf of her daughter. She couldn’t help but feel Daphne’s loneliness resonating with her own when she could touch her, and yet, she couldn’t have her in her arms the way she wanted to. And not even touching all the rest of them could help.

Kiko instantly straightened up and saluted–a brave little soldier ready for work–and jumped up on the table. His enthusiasm was adorable and contagious, filling Marion with enough willpower to push through the work they still had to do now that she was reminded she wasn’t alone against it. Her family was back and they were together even if they still had some obstacles that were trying to come between them, and they even had new members. Kiko and soon potentially Sky. They were growing and none of them had to be lonely anymore. They had each other.

She got up from her chair and moved over to Oritel who looked at her with slight trepidation like he was afraid she’d figured out what was going on in his heart and she would be offended. But she understood too well. She was terrified of having to spend even a second more without him, too, without any of them. And while it was unrealistic to expect the terror that had been carved all over their souls by the merciless work of time to just disappear overnight, it was safe to believe they would never have to face the same pain again. Bloom had found them, with help from Daphne and her inner flame, and she’d brought them back together. She had that same love and determination burning inside her like the rest of them that was also the source of the warm security Marion could feel seeping into her being as she took Oritel’s hand, glad to feel him relax and close his fingers around hers.

She kissed his cheek before locking eyes with him. “We have someone new to give love to,” she said, feeling the tears in her eyes again because it was all new. Bloom had been a baby the last time they’d seen her before she’d freed them from Obsidian and Daphne had had a body and the powers she’d passed to her sister, and Kiko had never been a part of the picture. But he was there now. So were all of them. Together. And it was all that mattered since everything else they could fix with joint effort.

Oritel’s expression softened just like his stance as he read everything that was flaming in her head and no doubt coming through in her gaze. He cupped her cheek with the hand she wasn’t holding and she leaned into his warmth as she closed her eyes and let him draw her closer and touch his forehead to hers. The spiraling thoughts had retreated from her head, dragging away the headache with them, for no pain could survive his closeness.

A gasp of wonder came from Kiko at the sound of approaching footsteps before she heard him rushing towards it and the papers rustling under his small feet but not for long as he must have jumped off the table.

“Hey, Kiko,” Bloom’s cheerful voice filled the room and Marion’s heart followed by a laugh that reminded her that it was so full of love it could burst. But it was no longer painful since she could give all of it to her family now that they were reunited. And the sight of Kiko engulfed in Bloom’s arms was all the magic she needed to keep away the loneliness and other negative feelings.