#girl thats horrifying!!
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I keep making the joke that pulling up to Griffin Rock is the closest thing to a vacation Optimus ever gets, and that's true like 90% of the time when there's a crossover episode, but man. Getting trapped in an alternate dystopian timeline for a bit must have left some interesting emotional scars.
#i forgot how fucked the time travel two parter was#crying in the club right now man#for several reasons#also hey can we talk about how the burns siblings decided to lead a rebellion in a brightly colored mad max war rig#iconic tbh#bumblebee#maccadam#transformers#rescue bots#do i tag this as tfp just bc its still one of the crossover episodes#yeah why not#tfp#optimus prime#also bumblebee being like legit scared of the morbots because he thought they were decepticons!! holy shit?!#op and bee stepped out of that portal to see a future controlled eother by decepticons or monsters just as bad#girl thats horrifying!!
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saiki who normally keeps his body at the most perfectly average temperature x kuboyasu who, weirdly enough considering his size and all, actually runs pretty cold..
so saiki starts subtly raising his temperature, specifically garnering heat into his hands and arms, so that kuboyasu will subconsciously want to be close to him and TOUCHING HIS HANDS AND ARMS
"wow, your hands are so warm!" is basically kusuos version of getting a guy to compare hand sizes with you☠️queer boy..
#you may think youre being subtle kusuo but my girls yumehara and rifuta know EXACTLY what youre doing immediately#'oh my god hes doing that thing' 'thats a total go-to flirting tactic..' kusuo slow turns to them dramatically#most horrified look on his face#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#kuboyasu aren#kubosai#meows post
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H.EY??? SHES NOT A BUG
#HEY TAYLOR. HEYYYYY STRAIGHT GIRL I LOVE YOU. THATS NOT A BUG .#reaction time#worm spoilers#awesome! shes horrifying!
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(alastor trying to do a radio episode with angel)
alastor: so you were socialized as a girl. how do you define the male gaze?
angel: the male gays?
alastor: yes.
angel: me. the gay males. homosexuality.
alastor: ...no, i mean, have you ever seen a robert palmer music video?
angel: no but his songs are great to strip to.
alastor: ..........alrighty, i'm gonna need to take five. i already cut the mic signal so--
angel: balls. penis and also dick and balls. gabagool.
alastor: ...great. ten. i'm gonna need to take ten.
#(the audience hears 'great to strip to' and then a sudden cut to music dhsjfjsjfjkd)#my mom calls it 'window dressing'#i think thats a pretty horrifying yet accurate description of the 'robert palmer girls'#hazbin hotel#trans!angeldust#alastor hazbin#hazbin funnies#angel dust#spiders in my jambalaya#yankee hotel deertrot
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I wish this would spring a conversation about how bad rape culture is in french culture specifically but no ig most people just wanna say "men are bad even the nice ones". Hi. I grew up in france. The "average French man" is not nice. Yes its that bad.
#ig thats what bothers me the most here#the insistence on the guy being 'normal'#1. everyone has the potential to rape#2. normal in france IS rape culture#its taught from childhood#my french nephew at 3 YEAR OLD immobilized a girl his age to kiss her against their will#and every adult including the teacher and my mom#thought it was 'really cute' and when i said that this was horrifying my mom said#'well she said hi to him later so shes just playing hard to get'#and my mom is nice and average#yall have no idea how bad french culture is
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gerard way skirt will have me saying insane things liike i wish i was still in brisbane australia
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some of yall would make the acronym "lgt and the b's we deem queer enough" and its incredibly obvious
#yall wont let us exist and be acknowledged like ever#the concept of a bi girl's bf being in a ''queer space'' horrifies yall so much for literally no reason#and thats about the only thing yall will bring us up for#any time we're visible whatsoever mfs will immediately shit all over us and/or try to cover us up as a unique group#anyway i'll shut up now#im just angry because i keep seeing recommended posts shitting on multisexuals#anticipating rude anons once again because i get them every time i make a post like this#ghoul groans
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The minute i see someone change into a zombie im robbing a gun store and killing myself like why would you ever wanna survive that? 😭
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oh my god ibispaint has actually started trying to upload all 343 of my drawings to the cloud. its struggling so hard. i kind of feel bad- oh never mind i ran out of storage at Untitled325 LMFAOOOOOOOO
#girl help. i dont want to lose my shitty sketchpages when i change devices </3#i guess i can just. eventually. go through and back up the pngs to gdrive. thatll be fine probably#seagull.mp3#for scale my vm era is approximately. untitleds 232 to 343. dear fucking lord#dr who era was untitleds 22 to 231. ok thats worse. and the stuff before that is mostly fma and aurora#mslgjdkwjoijgsdoj this is horrifying to see laid out like this. dear god#HOW DID I ACCUMULATE THIS MANY CANVASES OVER WHAT. SEVEN MONTHS ??????
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Man I....can't stop thinking about the minefield that is fat barbie. Like. Like it already sucks to be a bigger girl who can't share clothes with her friends. Now barbie can't either. No girl is ever going to consciously pick out the fat barbie bc that's admitting something you know or want to change and I can't even imagine being GIVEN a fat barbie by an adult I'd be thinking about it nonstop for years.
#like. as an adult its an awesome thing to see and yeah maybe theres girls out there who want to be represented and arent embarrassed#ans they should feel that way absolutely obviously#but like#jesus christ i cant stop thinking about like. one of my aunts giving me a fat barbie like she was doing something noble and id just be#horrified and extremely aware of the way people percieved me#they were so beautiful in the barbie movie and i was so happy they were there and gorgeous but the favt that there were only 2#and they looked SO different from the others it just really made me start thinking about it again fbdbdn#its good if you have a lot of barbies that ur like. trying to make into a diverse space but if your doin one or two#and buying a lot of outfits then thats harder#man i want to buy a barbie rn#like ill buy a fat barbie now gimme 10 i think shes awesome#but i just. cant stop thinking about the minefield of being given or playing with one its so rough to image#bc u know you only have one#and shes gonna have the outfit she came with and no others#thays why barbie is the shape she actually is its bc shes easy to dress#its complicated i guess#feels different for like the barbie in a wheelchair or something bc thats at least the same doll base yknow?
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I literally started sobbing in a dressing room when my mom forced me to try on one of those frilly, tutu-like prom dresses and almost made me get it and somehow nobody realized I wasn't a girl
#when i started taking an interest in fashion half my outfits consisted of flannels and men's button downs#lol#me sitting in the shower hysterically crying “i can still be a girl thats definitely a choice cis people have to make”#the level to which i repressed everything about myself to fit into other people's expectations and desires is horrifying#but its also so funny#mental health#lgbt pride#lgtbqia+#lgbtq community#lgbtq#asexual#agender#aromantic#aroace#polyamourous#nonbinary
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I <3 transmasc Wendy because it adds another thing to the kid who does not know how to handle anything being thrown into everything pile but instead of a thing like dead sister it's the prospect that he kind of likes having short hair and the idea of being a guy and it still makes him feel like the world is ending until suddenly the ppl around him are just like fine with it and everything is like cool actually and he melts over that too until finally he's just a normal baby trans person and can get back to being bad at coping with his other hashtag issues again
#rat rambles#starve posting#like I do have dead serious wendy trans thoughts tm even some that actually relate to his quotes high bar I know gkfndkd#its just so fun reading him as a trans egg thats one breakdown away from being smashed#and also gives me some yummy tasty thoughts abt both wendy and abby and the inivertable fact that as time goes on the only remnant of#abby's face is going to shift and change more until it can no longer even be a reminder of what was lost#which must be a Horrifying idea to wendy even if chances are he hasn't rly internalized this concept yet#and for abby especially if you're like me and go for a more silhouette style ghost design for her youve gotta imagine how fucky it is to#watch your twin grow up and change in ways you never will#Im also a agender abby who will likely never realize believer because shes just like younger me fr#like shes low key just me as a little kid but without the anxiety disorder#anyways back to the topic of wendy genderism Im honestly surprised Ive never seen a he/him wendy hc before#Im not surprised at not finding any trans guy wendys but there rly isnt much variety in nonbinary wendys despite it being fairly common#I just like trans guy wendy cause he gives me those vibes#its the weird little girl to cringe fail trans man pipeline or smth idk#give him a couple years eventually he'll be a grimy lil freak of a teenage boy#if abby didnt die and knew abt gender stuff itd still take her 30 years minimum to even consider she might be not a girl maybe#not because she's hard in denial abt gender stuff shes just is in the classic headspace of 'well I dont Think I care so I must be cis ig'#same with my aro abby hcs but walter is super not helping#as Ive said before they are aro echo chamber besties dont try to tell them romance is real they will not believe you#hey better then whateve the fuck wendy would have to go through if one of the trans men around him offered solidarity#I would rather die than get advice from wilson are you kidding me#the only somewhat normal trans guy there is warly but hes french so it cancels out
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I Do Think. And I think this is where AraSawa and MineDai could diverge in a way.
Because with a question like that, I think Mine is genuinely oblivious, and perhaps at the time not fully aware or willing to admit to himself certain Truths.
I can't quite tell Exactly Why the question caught him off guard that badly, but I don't think it really occurred to him that it kind of sounded like Daigo was interested in him, because he was hung up on being asked about his personal life at all.
I especially don't think it did because, well, Daigo takes him to the middle of the hotel district and tells him he wants some action, right. Most people would catch on to the implication but Mine's just like "oh like at the batting center :)?" And even Daigo seems dumbfounded here, like that's not at all the answer he was expecting.
I don't even care if it's the brainworms, I genuinely think he was planning to send Mine up to a hotel room for one reason or another (either propositioning him directly or proposing idk a threesome/foursome) and it didn't work out because Mine is too dense to pick up on that kind of thing.
And with Jo, like how Mine was all Mine.exe Stopped Responding, I think we'd also get to see a variation of Sawashiro.exe Stopped Responding. But it wouldn't be for the same reasons. Because it's like, maybe Mine doesn't know, but Jo knows and doesn't know what to do with it. Mine's え? is to express genuine confusion, but Jo's え? is to buy time to put up a dozen psyche locks.
daigo talking with mine it's like. he's not used to a man being seemingly so genuinely interested in him, never mind that man being his superior (who insists mine doesnt treat him like his superior tonight and even insists he call him something more personal) who wants to be his equal and so he doesn't catch on to the Evident advances because isn't that a bit forward? isn't that a bit much? mine hasn't done anything to warrant that kind of attention yet has he.......
and then arakawa talking to jo it's just
#snap chats#IM SO UNFUNNY BUT PLEASE#yoshitaka 'oh he wants to be friends with me.....?? really...??' mine vs jo 'oh god he's wants to get to know me' sawashiro#like mine's earnest about relationships he's just a bit dense on how they work right.. he's amiable enough but he's still rough yeah..#and then there's jo sweating I'm Just Here For My Son What Do I Say To Not Get Dumped In The Bay#it's a slow burn if you will...... give him like. a year. maybe five. throw a crowbar in there wrench it open--#daigo asks mine about his personal life and he's just Hm....... Awkward Question Sir.....#it's an innocent inquiry with a tinge of hopefulness#arakawa asking jo something similar should Also just be an innocent inquiry but no#'are you seeing someone' he has not since he was a lad of 15 and living on the street with a girl he can't even remember#and then they almost killed a baby and that baby was your kid and like yk thats just not something you drop on your boss#if he just mistakes his awkward stuttering for being flustered opposed to being horrified it'll be alright#he's making jokes about going to the club this is a nightmare#like point is The Flavors are here it's like red velvet vs chocolate similar shit but it's different enough to pick out
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ive said it before but laudna would absolutely adore ylfa, and ylfa would be obsessed with her
#dimension 20#d20#critical role#neverafter#ylfa#ylfa snorglesson#laudna#for all the horrifying little girls#(i know thats lilith whatever she can come too)
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No king, tell us what db girl you like. You can’t just hide shit in the tags like that
i mean i like chichi and videl but i dont think we thinkin of the same ‘like’ here ☠️
#snap chats#as in i like chichi and videl as characters#as like. romantic Interest no oh god thats horrifying#theyre very cool theyre too cool for me#but yeah no no db girl actually fits my loose definition of ‘a type’ sooo LMAO
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🚨 SPOILERS🚨
Kingdom of Ash Chapter 50
Rowan's hands tightened on Aelin's shoulders as the words settled into her, hollow and cold.
"Maeve is a Valg queen?" he breathed.
Aelin said nothing. Couldn't find the words. Her power roiled. She didn't feel it.
Nesryn nodded solemnly. "Yes. The kharankui told us the entire history."
And so Nesryn did as well. Of how Maeve had somehow found a way into this world, fleeing or bored with her husband, Orcus. Erawan's elder brother. Of how Erawan, Orcus, and Mantyx had torn apart worlds to find her, Orcus's missing wife, and only halted here because the Fae had risen to challenge them. Fae led by Maeve, whom the Valg kings did not know or recognize, in the form she had taken.
The life she had crafted for herself. The minds of all the Fae who had existed that she had ripped into, convincing them that there had been three queens, not two. Including the minds of Mab and Mora, the two sister-queens who had ruled Doranelle. Including Brannon himself.
"The spiders claimed," Nesryn went on, "that even Brannon didn't know. Even now, in the Afterworld, he doesn't know. That was how deep Maeve's powers went into his mind, into all their minds. She made herself their true queen."
The words, the truth, pelted Aelin, one after another.
Elide's face was white as death. "But she fears the healers." A nod toward Yrene. "She keeps that owl, you said—an enslaved Fae healer-should the Valg ever discover her." For that was the other piece of it. The other thing Nesryn had revealed, Chaol and Yrene adding in their own accounts. The Valg were parasites. And Yrene could cure their human hosts of them. Had done so for Princess Duva. And might be able to do with so many others enslaved with rings or collars. But what had infested Duva ... A Valg princess.
Aelin leaned back into her chair, her head resting against the solid wall of Rowan's body.
His hands shook against her shoulders. Shook as he seemed to realize what, exactly, had ripped into his mind. Where Maeve's power had come from that allowed her to do so. Why she remained deathless and ageless, and had outlasted any other. Why Maeve's power was darkness.
"It is also why she fears fire," Sartaq said, jerking his chin to Aelin. "Why she fears you so."
And why she'd wanted to break her. To be just like that enslaved healer bound in owl form at her side.
"I thought—I managed to cut her once," Aelin said at last. That quiet, ancient darkness pushed in, dragging her down, down, down-" I saw her blood flow black. Then it changed to red." She blew out a breath, pulling out of the darkness, the silence that wanted to devour her whole. Made herself straighten. Peer at Fenrys.
"You said that her blood tasted ordinary to you when you swore the oath." The white wolf shifted back into his Fae body. His bronze skin was ashen, his dark eyes swimming with dread. "It did."
Rowan growled, "It didn't taste any different to me, either."
"A glamour-like the form she maintains," Gavriel mused.
Nesryn nodded. "From what the spiders said, it seems entirely possible that she would be able to convince you that her blood looked and tasted like Fae blood."
Fenrys made a sound like he was going to be sick. Aelin was inclined to do the same.
And from far away—a memory-that-was-not-a-memory stirred. Of summer nights spent in a forest glen, Maeve instructing her. Telling her a story about a queen who walked between worlds.
Who had not been content in the realm in which she'd been born, and had found a way to leave it, using the lost knowledge of ancient wayfarers. World-walkers.
Maeve had told her. Perhaps a skewed, biased tale, but she'd told her. Why? Why do it at all? Some way to win her-or to make her hesitate, should it ever come to this?
"But Maeve hates the Valg kings," Elide said, and even from the silent, drifting place to which Aelin had gone, she could see the razor-sharp mind churning behind Elide's eyes. "She's hidden for this long. Surely she wouldn't ally with them."
"She ran at the chance to get hold of a Valg collar," Fenrys said darkly. "Seemed convinced that she could control the prince inside it."
Not only through Maeve's power, but because she was a demon queen.
Aelin forced herself to take another breath. Another. Her fingers curled, gripping an invisible weapon.
Lorcan had not uttered a word. Had done nothing but stand there, pale and silent. As if he'd stopped being in his body, too.
"We don't know her plans," Nesryn said.
"The kharankui have not seen her for millennia, and only hear whisperings carried by lesser spiders. But they still worship her, and wait for her return."
Chaol met Aelin's stare, his gaze questioning.
Aelin said quietly, "I was Maeve's prisoner for two months."
Utter silence in the tent. Then she explained—all of it. Why she was not in Terrasen, who now fought there, where Dorian and Manon had gone.
Aelin swallowed as she finished, leaning into Rowan's touch. "Maeve wished me to reveal the location of the two Wyrdkeys. Wanted me to hand them over, but I managed to get them away before she took me. To Doranelle. She wanted to break me to her will. To use me to conquer the world, I thought. But it perhaps now seems she wanted to use me as a shield against the Valg, to guard her always." The words tumbled out, heavy and sharp. "I was her captive until nearly a month ago." She nodded toward her court. "When I got free, they found me again."
Silence fell again, her new companions at a loss. She didn't blame them.
Then Hasar hissed, "We'll make the bitch pay for that, too, won't we?"
Aelin met the princess's dark stare. "Yes, we will."
A Valg queen.
That's who had held his Fireheart. What sort of power had tried to break into her mind.
What power had broken into Rowan's mind.
All their minds, if she could glamour her blood to look and taste ordinary.
He felt the tension rising in Aelin, a raging storm that nearly hummed into his hands as he gripped her shoulders.
Yet her flames made no appearance. They hadn't shown so much as an ember these weeks, despite how hard they'd trained. Occasionally, he'd spy Goldryn's ruby gleaming while she held it, as if fire glowed in the heart of the stone. But nothing more. Not even when they'd tangled in their bed on the ship, when his teeth had found that mark on her neck.
Elide surveyed them all, their silence, and said to their new companions, "Perhaps we should determine a plan of action regarding tomorrow's battle." And give them time, later tonight, to sort through this colossal mess.
Chaol nodded. "We brought a trunk of books with us," he said to Aelin. "From the Torre. They're all full of Wyrdmarks." Aelin didn't so much as blink, but Chaol finished, "If we get through this battle, they're yours to peruse. In case there's anything in them that might help." Against Erawan, against Maeve, against his mate's terrible fate. Aelin just vaguely nodded.
So Rowan forced himself to shove away the shock and disgust and fear, and focus upon the plan ahead. Only Gavriel seemed able to do the same, Fenrys staying where he was, and Lorcan just staring and staring at nothing.
Aelin remained in her chair, simmering.
Roiling.
They planned it quickly and efficiently: they would return with Chaol and Yrene to the keep, to help with the fighting tomorrow. The khaganate royals would push from here, Nesryn and Prince Sartaq leading the ruks, and Princess Hasar commanding the foot soldiers and Darghan cavalry. A brilliantly trained, lethal group. Rowan had already marked the Darghan soldiers, with their fine horses and armor, their spears and crested helmets, while they'd strode for this tent, and breathed a sigh of relief at their skill. Perhaps the last sigh of relief he'd have in this war. Certainly if the khagan's forces hadn't yet decided where they would take this army afterward. He supposed it was fair-so many territories were now in Morath's path-but when this battle was over, he'd make damn sure they marched northward. To Terrasen.
But tomorrow-tomorrow they'd hammer Morath's legion against the keep walls, Chaol and Rowan leading the men from inside, picking off enemy soldiers.
Aelin didn't volunteer to do anything. Didn't indicate that she'd heard them.
And when they'd all deemed the plan sound, along with a contingency plan should it go awry, Nesryn only said, "We'll find you ruks to carry you back to the keep," before Aelin stormed into the frigid night, Rowan barely keeping up with her.
No embers trailed her. Mud did not hiss beneath her boots.
There was no fire at all. Not a spark.
As if Maeve had snuffed out that flame.
Made her fear it.
Hate it.
Aelin cut through the neatly organized tents, past horses and their armored riders, past foot soldiers around campfires, past the ruk riders and their mighty birds, who filled him with such awe he had no words for it. All the way to the eastern edge of the camp and the plains that stretched past, the space wide and hollow after the closeness of the army.
She didn't stop until she reached a stream they'd crossed only hours ago. It was nearly frozen over, but a stomp of her boot had the ice cracking. Breaking free to reveal dark water kissed with silvery starlight.
Then she fell to her knees and drank.
Drank and drank, cupping the water to her mouth. It had to be cold enough to burn, but she kept at it until she braced her hands on her knees and said, "I can't do this."
Rowan sank to a knee, the shield he'd kept around her while she stalked here sealing out the cold wind off the open plain.
"I-I can't—" She took a shuddering breath, and covered her face with her wet hands.
Gently, Rowan gripped her wrists and lowered them. "You do not face this alone."
Anguish and terror filled those beautiful eyes, and his chest tightened to the point of pain as she said, "It was a fool's shot against Erawan. But against him and Maeve? She gathered an army to her. Is likely bringing that army to Terrasen right now. And if Erawan summons his two brothers, if the other kings return—"
"He needs the two other keys to do that. He doesn't have them."
Her fingers curled, digging into her palms hard enough that the tang of her blood filled the air. "I should have gone after the keys. Right away. Not come here. Not done this."
"It is Dorian's task now, not yours. He will not fail at it."
"It is my task, and always has been—"
"We made the choice to come here, and we will stick to that decision," he snarled, not bothering to temper his tone. "If Maeve is indeed bringing her army to Terrasen, then it only confirms that we were right to come here. That we must convince the khagan's forces to go northward after this. It is the only chance we stand of succeeding."
Aelin ran her hands through her hair.
Streams of blood stained the gold. "I cannot win against them. Against a Valg king and queen." Her voice turned to a rasp. "They have already won."
"They have not." And though Rowan hated each word, he growled, "And you survived two months against Maeve with no magic to protect you. Two months of a Valg queen trying to break into your head, Aelin. To break you."
Aelin shook. "She did, though." Rowan waited for it. Aelin whispered, "I wanted to die by the end, before she ever threatened me with the collar. And even now, I feel like someone has ripped me from myself. Like I'm at the bottom of the sea, and who I am, who I was, is far up at the surface, and I will never get back there again."
He didn't know what to say, what to do other than to gently pull her fingers from her palms.
"Did you buy the swagger, the arrogance?" she demanded, voice breaking. "Did the others? Because I've been trying to. I've been trying like hell to convince myself that it's real, reminding myself I only need to pretend to be how I was just long enough."
Long enough to forge the Lock and die.
He said softly, "I know, Aelin." He hadn't bought the winks and smirks for a heartbeat.
Aelin let out a sob that cracked something in him. "I can't feel me-myself anymore. It's like she snuffed it out. Ripped me from it. She, and Cairn, and everything they did to me." She gulped down air, and Rowan wrapped her in his arms and pulled her onto his lap. "I am so tired," she wept. "I am so, so tired, Rowan."
"I know." He stroked her hair. "I know." It was all there really was to say.
Rowan held her until her weeping eased and she lay still, nestled against his chest.
"I don't know what to do," she whispered
"You fight," he said simply. "We fight. Until we can't anymore. We fight."
She sat up, but remained on his lap, staring into his face with a rawness that destroyed him.
Rowan laid a hand on her chest, right over that burning heart. "Fireheart."
A challenge and a summons.
She placed her hand atop his, warm despite the frigid night. As if that fire had not yet gone out entirely. But she only gazed up at the stars.
To the Lord of the North, standing watch.
"We fight," she breathed.
Aelin found Fenrys by a quiet fire, gazing into the crackling flames.
She sat on the log beside him, raw and open and trembling, but … the salt of her tears had washed away some of it. Steadied her. Rowan had steadied her, and still did, as he kept watch from the shadows beyond the fire.
Fenrys lifted his head, his eyes as hollow as she knew hers had been.
"Whenever you need to talk about it," she said, her voice still hoarse, "I'm here."
Fenrys nodded, his mouth a tight line. "Thank you."
The camp was readying for their departure, but Aelin scooted closer, and sat beside him in silence for long minutes.
Two healers, marked only by the white bands around their biceps, hurried past, arms full of bandages. Aelin tensed. Focused on her breathing.
Fenrys marked her line of sight. "They were horrified, you know," he said quietly. "Every time she brought them in to … fix you."
The two healers vanished around a tent.
Aelin flexed her fingers, shaking the lightness from them. "It didn't stop them from doing it."
"They didn't have a choice."
She met his dark stare. Fenrys's mouth tightened. "No one would have left you in those states. No one."
Broken and bloody and burned—
She gripped Goldryn's hilt. Helpless.
"They defied her in their own way," Fenrys went on. "Sometimes, she'd order them to bring you back to consciousness. Often, they claimed they couldn't, that you'd fallen too deeply into oblivion. But I knew—I think Maeve did, too— that they put you there. For as long as possible. To buy you time."
She swallowed. "Did she punish them?"
"I don't know. It was never the same healers." Maeve likely had. Had likely ripped their minds apart for their defiance.
Aelin's grip tightened on the sword at her side.
Helpless. She had been helpless. As so many in this city, in Terrasen, in this continent, were helpless. Goldryn's hilt warmed in her hand.
She wouldn't be that way again. For whatever time she had left.
Gavriel padded up beside Rowan, took one look at the queen and Fenrys, and murmured, "Not the news we needed to hear."
Rowan closed his eyes for a heartbeat. "No, it was not."
Gavriel settled a hand on Rowan's shoulder.
"It changes nothing, in some ways."
"How."
"We served her. She was ... not what Aelin is. What a queen should be. We knew that long before we knew the truth. If Maeve wants to use what she is against us, to ally with Morath, then it changes things. But the past is over. Done with, Rowan. Knowing Maeve is Valg or just a wretched person doesn't change what happened."
"Knowing a Valg queen wants to enslave my mate, and nearly did so, changes a great deal."
"But we know what Maeve fears, why she fears it," Gavriel countered, his tawny eyes bright. "Fire, and the healers. If Maeve comes with that army of hers, we are not defenseless." It was true. Rowan could have cursed himself for not thinking of it already. Another question formed, though. "Her army," Rowan said. "It's made up of Fae."
"So was her armada," Gavriel said warily.
Rowan ran a hand through his hair. "Will you be able to live with it-fighting our own people?" Killing them.
"Will you?" Gavriel countered.
Rowan didn't answer.
Gavriel asked after a moment, "Why didn't Aelin offer me the blood oath?"
The male hadn't asked these weeks. And Rowan wasn't sure why Gavriel inquired now, but he gave him the truth. "Because she won't do it until Aedion has taken the oath first. To offer it to you before him ... she wants Aedion to take it first."
"In case he doesn't wish me to be near his kingdom."
"So that Aedion knows she placed his needs before her own."
Gavriel bowed his head. "I would say yes, if she offered."
"I know." Rowan clapped his oldest friend on the back. "She knows, too."
The Lion gazed northward. "Do you think ... we haven't heard any news from Terrasen."
"If it had fallen, if Aedion had fallen, we would know. People here would know."
Gavriel rubbed at his chest. "We've been to war. He's been to war. Fought on battlefields as a child, gods be damned." Rage flickered over Gavriel's face. Not at what Aedion had done, but what he'd been made to do by fate and misfortune. What Gavriel had not been there to prevent. "But I still dread every day that passes and we hear nothing. Dread every messenger we see."
A terror Rowan had never known, different from his fear for his mate, his queen. The fear of a father for his child.
He didn't allow himself to look toward Aelin. To remember his dreams while hunting for her. The family he'd seen. The family they'd make together.
"We must convince the khaganate royals to march northward when this battle is over," Gavriel swore softly.
Rowan nodded. "If we can smash this army tomorrow, and convince the royals that Terrasen is the only course of action, then we could indeed be heading north soon. You might be fighting at Aedion's side by Yulemas."
Gavriel's hands clenched at his sides, tattoos spreading over his knuckles. "If he will allow me that honor."
Rowan would make Aedion allow it. But he only said, "Gather Elide and Lorcan. The ruks are almost ready to depart."
#Chapter 50#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Rowan Whitethorn#Aelin Galathynius#Rowaelin#Fenrys Moonbeam#Maeve#Gavriel#Chaol Westfall#Yrene Towers#Nesryn Faliq#Lorcan Salvaterre#Elide Lochan#no spoilers please this is my first read to go along with me there are chapter spoilers in post and tags with more reacts notes quotes etc#Mantyx(these names)it settled the known hurt2hear-what the world now is this war is so big-each accounts & stories told-what Maeve had done#true tale-she leaned on him like she had from the beginning2stop her from falling from running from failing from drowning in the ice-Fenrys#will say it-isit a Valg glamour?-mountains-memory thats not a memory-real or not real-“world walkers”-why tell her?-Elide&Annieth-whitedemo#hed broken2-what really happened-we will-break my heart-I know-Im tried-we fight-the way he just goes okay then it shall Bthat & done-Storm#held fast-no embers but the Ruby knows-old marks remade-like the hof days-brilliantly lethal-no one could leave u like that-he hated that#t had smothered her no spark just grief-fear-drinking the river feels mythology esc-his shields-never alone again-defending her2her-blood-#staining gold-gently2k her hands-crying-u survived this but but I didnt feeling-he hated the word but said the truth-I will never get back#who I was am-the way this chapter knows grief-just long enough-something cracked in me reading it-I dont feel me-so he held her-challenge#summons-lord of the north standing watch-shell pass it on as their queen-Fenrys again-Gavriel knew-hes giving Carlisle Cullen vibes-Rowan i#her steady equal but yes their horrified even of what it meant occured-they defied4her-bought oblivion so they could-that owl-but healing-#hurt2 even that was a scar-what he saw happen2the girl was worse-never the same-it changes nothing-what a queen should b-not defenseless-sh#will not always fear the fire&healing-why no oath4him?oh its4him… kindness-she needs Aedion2know hes needed before her own-he cant live if#she doesnt-Im dying here-HIS Queen-good ole Yulemas-lidia&Lyria#For him the truth would be the most horrendous.—shock—I fucking love Hasar & her reply joining defend Aelin squad-quiet words-YES WE WILL#At least Theres a backup plan. A storm. Fate is feeling heavier-good thing Elide learned to read it-
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