#girl is riding a GIANT ASS SNAKE THAT CAN AND WILL EAT YOU

[thequeenoffishburrito]

I know if most people were given the chance to bring an extinct species back from the dead theyd probably choose the kuai'o'o bird and while realistically I probably would too, ngl I kinda want to bring back the titanaboa snake just to see it up close.

[stella-facem-ducens]

Katara's Betrayal chapter 1

Summary: how much can Katara sacrificed for the sake of Zuko, how many people should betray just to keep him happy. maybe Zuko is worth more than the world for her

Riding on Appa is certainly comfortable, or as Katara’s brother calls “it sailing in the sky,” for Katara is even better because up there in the sky she can feel the tiny droplets around her like dancing stars made of water– around her, up in the sky but nothing can be perfect. her nights had been restless between nightmares and dreams. the attack of the prince of the fire nation brought old memories of her mother, memories of a faceless soldier killing her, but other nights the dreams are the opposite: Katara dreams of flames gently touching her and keeping her warm. she dreams about a master with an absolute control of his element, the element of murder but also the element that gives life. Katara dreams about a boy with glimmering-gold eyes and each time when the dream ends, she repeats to herself as a mantra, “she is absolutely not attracted to an ash-maker no matter how good he looks wielding fire, with his cocky smile.”           

not far away an angry prince is desperate to know where the avatar is.

“Relax, prince Zuko. the avatar can’t be that far away. his bison must eat at some point, if I must guess. and according to the map, Kyoshi Island is surely the avatar’s destination “ says Zuko's uncle, trying to sound as gentle as possible because it is clear Zuko is pissed off beyond limit. he had the avatar right in his ship; his mission was finally complete and then he lost him. years of traveling around the world, chasing a ghost until finally the ghost become real. finally the ghost has a face. Zuko’s thoughts are interrupted by a young soldier, the soldier wondering if he must interrupt his prince.

 “My liege,” says the soldier, giving g a fire nation salute to his prince, “the bridge informed us the avatar is near. he was fighting some sort of giant snake. we are at full speed and should arrive in less than an hour.”

 “You are excused, soldier, you may return to your post. I will be planning our assault on the island and informing my troops. this time the avatar will not escape,” replies Zuko, trying to hide a devious smile. soon he will be at home.

At the beach, still unaware of the imminent battle, Katara is extremely angry with the avatar. not only Aang is fooling around trying to impress her, he also summoned an entire giant Unagi. Aang surely understands they are being chased by the fire nation and a giant unagi can easily be seen from a great distant.

meanwhile her own brother is also fooling around with girls. it appears she is the only one worried about the prince. A traitorous inner voice interrupts Katara`s legitimate worries: “maybe you are the only one always wondering where he is, always remembering his face.'' again she has to remind herself no matter how curios she is about the prince and always speculating why a member of the royal family was in the south pole with few resources at his command. She has to remind herself it doesn’t matter how much she wants those answers; he is still the face of the enemy, so it is better for her to forget him as quickly as possible. besides, what are the odds of a prince hunting them around the world only with a single ship at his command.    

little does Katara know, the prince will be in fact a pain in her ass.

 While waiting for the boys to fail in their attempt to flirt with girls, Katara sits on the beach.  the shores of Kyoshi are beautiful, the waters around it are cold, the currents bringing the cold water from the pole to all around the south sea. but today the sea is not only bringing freezing polar waters, but  is also brining a bringer of fire: the black smoke Katara is seeing is the proof, the prince with glimmering-gold eyes is here.

 Katara runs quickly, avoiding all the innocent people of the island who are unaware of the dangers. The battle for Kyoshi will soon begin. lucky for her Sokka and Aang are together, talking about why meat is better than fruit.

 “Sokka, Aang, Zuko is here. the fire nation is here!” Katara screams. Of course, the young waterbender’s screams are heard not only by her friends but also by the people surrounding them. it is not shocking that havoc quickly breaks out and the Kyoshi warriors take position around the shore, around the houses. you can breathe the tension; you can see the Kyoshi warriors’ makeup trying to hold against the sweet on their faces. Kyoshi’s warriors are without experience of what a real battle is. The temporary peace is finally broken by the commanding voice of the prince.

 “Bring me the avatar and I will spare you village,” Zuko yells loudly, so everyone can hear his order.

Nobody obeys.

 The battle is fierce. Katara is sure the village is at the brink of destruction. the Kyoshi warriors are no match. only Suki and a few can hold their ground, the rest of the battalion decide to help the villagers. Katara is not a coward. even without any true experience, she still a child of the south pole: a cruel place where hunting enormous beasts is the norm. she knows how to escape and the same time trap the enemy because escaping doesn’t mean surrendering. it means choosing a better battle ground.

it works. some Kyoshi warriors are able to capture some soldiers. it gets even better in some places: the Kyoshi warriors are actually winning. sadly for team avatar, Zuko is not just a soldier but also a commander in training with general Iroh as his teacher.

 “You clever girl, I wasn’t expecting urban counterattack.” Zuko’s eyes follow her running around the village giving orders deep inside him a new feeling emerges like a sleeping dragon slowly waking up by the sight of an undiscovered treasure. the dragon growls in pleasure. a worthy natural leader that is what the dragon sees.

“Soldiers,” he says, “don’t follow the girl. she is setting traps along the way. remember our objective is the avatar. we are not taking the village.“

“Yes, my lord,” the soldiers reply to their prince.

The battle continues. thankfully, Aang as the avatar is a powerful foe. the battle reaches a stalemate. the proud prince refuses to accept the outcome: a stalemate means a window   for the avatar to escape.

not this time.

Zuko rushes onto a nearby hill, following the avatar and behind them are Katara and Sokka. it is a miscalculated strategy, for Zuko doesn’t know the hill is in fact a cliff and the avatar, as a good airbender, promptly jumps and leaves Zuko behind. with the cliff ahead, the only option for Zuko is to surrender or fall to his death.    

 “Surrender,” Katara hears the avatar yell, but what worries her the most is her brother. she has seen it before, the posture his brother is holding: his face, those eyes. this is the look of a hunter; this is Sokka fighting a seal-wolf. he is ready to strike his enemy. Katara knows how deep sokka`s hatred is for the fire nation, but adrenaline is clouding her brother’s mind. Sokka is not thinking right; he is not thinking that a strike means Zuko’s death.

for a brief moment Katara loses control of her body and instinct takes over. she lift her head a little, focuses on her objective, and with a swift movement, Katara pulls and pushes a nearby puddle and hits her brother right in the back. it is a strong strike since Katara doesn’t have great control of her bending yet.    

Zuko takes the opportunity and rushes. he runs as fast as he can, leaving the avatar team behind

 “Katara, what the hell? control your bending better! we almost won.”

“No , Sokka, you dumbass, you almost pushed him to his death. he is not a seal-wolf ; he is a human. a strike with your boomerang would ha ve push ed him into the abyss .”

 Sokka just blinks. his sister is right; he didn't think of the consequence. he almost killed Zuko, but that means he would have saved everyone else. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. after all, is not what his father is doing?    

 “Guys, stop fighting. Zuko is still here. we shall drive him away. Sokka, go to  Suki and helps her. Katara, come with me,” says Aang, trying to formulate a decent battle plan.

it doesn’t take long until they are faced with the fire prince one again and once more Katara is captivated by Zuko’s fire and how he masters it. his bending is filled with passion and maybe with some anger, and at the tail end of their match, Zuko is burning the village. Aang notices that too and without thinking he flies towards the sea.      

what the hell is he trying to do? Zuko and Katara wonder, but without the avatar on the scene, the battle is now between Zuko and Katara.

Katara knows she has little battle experience, so she scans her surrounding trying to find a way to escape. she notices behind Zuko a child is about to throw a knife. it is impossible for the prince to notice this attack, a deadly attack. in that instant Katara`s body moves without her permission and the water below the little kid freezes, making him trip and miss his target. Zuko sees something similar: an old man with a bow in his hand behind Katara is about to shot. it is obvious a man  his age has horrible aim and the arrow is about to hit Katara.

 Why save her? her peasant body is a perfect human shield. that would be a rational thing to do on the battlefield, but he is not Zhao.

Not saving her is not an option, especially when there so many questions about her. if this peasant is helping him or not, he must know. after all, having an ally is never a bad thing.

so he punches the air, releasing a massive flame aimed at the old man. as his bow burns, the man feels to the ground.            

from Katara’s perspective everything is a whirlpool of emotions. first she thought she was about to be hit with massive flames, but the flames feel like warm kissing along her cheeks. it feels so good, she forces herself to not lean into the fire and feel more of the warm because fire is dangerous. as soon the flame dies, an awkward feeling of loss confuses Katara. why is she missing the feeling of Zuko’s flame around her?

After everything is done, when the imminent danger against Katara and Zuko’s lives  is  over, an uncomfortable silence surrounds them. Zuko finally is able to look the peasant carefully. her eyes are like the sea they hold the wrath of the ocean.  everyone who looks at her this close surely know this peasant is dangerous. Zuko takes a cautionary step, closing the distance between them. he notices how beautiful her face is. he takes another step, remembering she saved him. in order to save him, she attacked her brother.

                                                                                                  “you saved her too,” a dark voice in his head says with some hint of possessiveness, and finally Zuko takes a final step, leaving almost no distance between them. she is so close to him. her face so close but this time he is not watching how beautiful her eyes are and face is. now this time he is looking curiously, trying to rely on his instincts, trying to figure it out why he is interested in knowing her. Zuko doesn’t realize the black smoke coming from his mouth as he gets annoyed by the sudden interruption. it appears the peasant`s brother is calling her, ruining the moment

 On Appa, Katara finally sees the consequence of her own actions: the black smoke coming from the island. Saving Zuko meant Suki`s village’s destruction.

Did I just betray the Kyoshi people for Zuko?       

 Zuko stands there watching the girl leave with the avatar while he and his men are being covered by spit from a giant unagi. his ride on the rhino means nothing. the avatar is already in the sky. this time the young prince is even angrier he lost the avatar, and now he is plagued by questions about the waterbender peasant. she is untrained but clearly powerful.

 Zuko whispers to the wind so Agni may hear and help him.

“Katara, you should not feel safe. I am coming for you , too . I have questions.”

big thanks to my beta reader @gefionne

art @ WaterMistress

[celestial-fucking-weeb]

NAGĀ!SERO

Hey y’all! This is a part of the Citrus Server Hybrid!AU Collab! The masterlist is HERE, please please please go check everyone’s pieces out!

A/N: I am fully aware that this is all over the place, ya girl is off her meds and will edit later. Please don’t tell me it sucks, I already know and I hate it, too.

SERO HANTA X F!READER

WARNINGS: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, angst, smut, double penetration, aphrodisiac, interspecies miscommunication, size kink, breeding kink, mating, idk tell me if i missed anything

You had always heard stories about creatures in the forest; ones that eat humans, ones kidnap children, ones that would hurt you if you ever ran off by yourself. You didn’t believe them… Or maybe you did, but either way, the creatures could never be as scary as the life you already lived.

You had been taken prisoner when your coastal village was raided by pirates. Your clan’s viking warriors were off on a journey, leaving all of you oh so vulnerable with depleted numbers. They were going to kill you, like they did most of the others, but the pirate setting fire to everything in his path halted when he found you trembling under the rubble.

“Tomura, come see the new toy I found. Don’t you wanna keep her?”

“You sadistic bastard, how you get off to them crying like that never fails to make me sick. I don’t care what you do with her, Dabi, but I’m not cleaning up after you this time.”

They hauled you back to their ship, stripped you of everything and chained you in the hull. People came in and out, always different but always vile. You never spoke, you knew they wanted your screams. Overhaul, the captain, was the worst. You never knew when he was coming, and once he was there, you wondered what he wanted from you at all. Chained up, never touching you with anything but knives and his boots, not looking for your reactions… You wondered if he’d even notice if you stopped breathing. You dissociated for most of it, choosing instead to safeguard your mind, plan an escape.

About a year later, you found an opportunity in the carelessness of one of your captors. You docked someplace warm, someplace humid, maybe tropical? Toga had left your chains too loose after your last “date”, and had tossed the keys just a bit too close. As soon as she left, you had slipped your wrists out of the restraints, strained for the keys, and unlocked the shackles around your ankles. Not taking a moment to revel in the surreal feeling of being unchained, you listened until the heavy footsteps above you all faded into nothing, leaving the ship and most importantly: leaving you alone.

You ran. You ran so steadily, somehow comforted by the sounds of destruction getting further and further away. You found yourself blindly sprinting into a forest that looked nothing like your own, so damp and bright and warm. You kept running until you heard shuffling behind you, causing you to find the first thick vine hanging in your vicinity and clung to it as you climbed. Looking back, you see a simple boar grazing the forest floor. Sighing in relief, you relaxed a bit too soon, as the vine you had wrapped yourself around began to move.

Before you could react, you were wrapped up tightly in bands of muscle and brought towards the head of the- wait…- man? You had heard of nagā before, but the ones from your village’s stories were never described as so… tan, muscular, handsome. He didn’t look all that mean from the waist up, just the black, orange, and yellow scales trailing down his massive, strong tail seemed intimidating. He looked confused, concerned even, by your nakedness and panic stricken silence. Forked tongue flicking out to taste the air, smelling the blood and the abuse on your skin, seeing your quickly defeated body give up, and your mind resign itself to the comfort that at least you died free of your captors.

“Are you… okay?” The giant snake rumbles, human hand reaching towards your face and recoiling when you flinch.

You haven't spoken in months, your silence having been a security blanket, and you’re not ready to give that up. You do nothing, just look into his eyes and search for any sort of indication as to what he’s going to do. He loosens his grip a bit, just enough to slip down from his tree and head towards his hide- an old cave covered in ivy, moss, and little orange blossoms. He brings you in, and places you down on the ground before turning away to rummage through his things. He brings out water and bandages, along with some kind of salve that looks like a mixture of plants. You don’t reach for the water when he sets it near you, so he resorts to using the tip of his tail to bring it to your lips while his hands are busy tending to your wounds and gently rubbing the salve over your poorly healed scars. He offers you food, very confused when you don't seem to know what to do with the forest rodent he’s brought you, and decides on fruits he’s found. You don’t seem to want to do anything, not even going to sunbathe even though you’re obviously shivering.

THAT’S IT!!! SHE’S COLD! He thinks to himself, before wrapping his tail around you once more and bringing you outside to the rock where he typically warms himself. He gently places you down, uncoils you from his grasp, and gives you enough space to move as you please. You blink a few times, slowly realizing you’re free. He helped you? For no reason? He doesn’t know you…

“H-Hi… Thank… Thank you.” You mutter, looking away and blushing.

Cute… He thinks. “YOU TALK!!! What’s your name? I’m Sero, but you can call me Hanta! I was worried about you! Who are you? Why are you here? How did you get here?”

The line of questioning makes your head spin, and you try your best to answer before looking down and realizing you never found clothes. Blushing once again, you meekly gesture to your body and ask, “C-Clothes. I need clothes.” Hanta looks confused, but retreats to the cave and returns, bringing you a large piece of cloth that somewhat resembles a hemp blanket. It smells like oranges and spice, and you unconsciously snuggle into its comfort. Sero notices your calmed reaction to his scent and approaches you, gingerly grasps your ankle and picks up your leg, never having been so close to a human, and explores the strange angles your appendages bend.

“What are you doing?” You seem embarrassed, despite the number of people who've touched you before. This is too familiar, too intimate, almost too gentle.

“Tiny… Humans are… Small…”

You let him bend your limbs and play with your squish, strangely calm and trusting in his presence. He seems so enthralled by your body and how you move, so intrigued. That is, until he makes his way to massaging your plush thighs, causing a rush of arousal you hadn’t felt in what seemed like forever. He prys opens your legs to continue his ministrations, not knowing the smell of your lust would have him flicking his tongue out and his eyes turning to hyper-focused slits. He suddenly releases your legs, slithers around your back, and presses against you. He taps the top of your head with his chin and waits for your response. Not knowing what this means, but wanting him to continue his exploration, you lean back into him and whine quietly.

You have no idea what you’ve started.

Hanta leans down, pressing sweet kisses down the column of your throat and leaving scathing bites in all the right places. Aphrodisiac venom coursing through your veins, you don’t even register his muscular arms wrapping around your body and lifting you, carrying you back into his cave and up into his hammock. He wraps his strong tail completely around your torso and takes his time kissing and groping your soft body, mumbling “mate, mate, mate” into your heated flesh. He finally makes his way down to your mound, prying your thighs apart and diving straight in before you could question his reverent gaze.

“HANTAAA~” You practically screamed as his long tongue slipped between your folds, running along your clit and down to your clenching hole, his saliva increasing the heat coursing through your core. “M-More, please… More~”

“More, what?” He smirks against your heat. “Say it. Tell me I’m your mate and I’ll make sure you’re fucked dumb, yeah? My pretty little mate.”

You stutter for a moment, getting more desperate the longer his fingers drag along your wetness. “Mate… Please! I need you… I’m yours!”

“Good mate~” His tongue wriggles back into your cunt, and his fingers slowly move further down to stretch your tight ass, making you squeal in surprise. Your orgasm takes you by surprise, all thoughts abandoning your mind as you ride out your high on his face and fingers.

“Are you ready, little one?” He growls lowly, lining up two long, thick cocks with each hole. Your eyes widen in surprise, head clearing for a moment after your climax.

“T-two?! Wait wait wait, I’ve never… I can’t! Two?!”

“Oh, little mate, but you can and you will!” He punctuates his statement by spitting down onto your cunt, thick venom slipping down to your tight rim. You moan and grind against his cocks, aphrodisiac leading your body into a blissed out state of submission. “Gonna fill you up so good. I promise you’ll be so full, feel so good, little mate. Trust me?”

“Y-yes! Wanna be full, want my mate!” You beg and plead for him to push into you, hips bucking against him, trying to get him to satiate the burning want he’d created. It isn’t until you thread your fingers through his hair and wrap your legs around his waist that he thrusts into you completely.

“That’s it, wrap around me like that. So tight, so warm… Fuuuck!~” Sero pants, chest pressed tightly to yours and face tucked into the crook of your neck, licking and sucking deep marks over your pulse point.

You’ve never felt so full, your body strangely welcoming the pleasurable stretch of your holes, pulling him deeper and deeper until you can feel him in your belly with every roll of his powerful hips. Your whimpers and tears only seem to spur him on, drawing orgasm after orgasm from your body.

“S-Shit, keep squeezing around me like that. Come on, little one, I know you have one more for me. Cum with me, I wanna feel you cum one more time. Gonna breed you, gonna fill you so good. Come on, pretty mate- fuck- cum for me~” He reaches down and pinches your overstimulated clit between two fingers and bites down on your neck one last time, sending you over the edge with a cry of “breed me, breed me, breed me!” and nails digging into his back.

“Mine! My mate, pretty little mate. Breed mate, all mine!! Gonna- gonna… Ah~” Hanta’s words steadily fell from his lips as he released deep inside your holes, belly bulging from the sheer amount of seed he spilled into you.

Utterly exhausted and dreamily floating off, you cling to him. Sero wraps you up in his tail and lays back into his hammock, keeping you as close as he can. When you snuggle into him, he whispers little praises into your hairline, a constant stream of “so good, pretty mate, all mine, i love you, so perfect, did so well, took me so well, such a good mate”.

The next day, you wake up surrounded by soft cloth, feathers, fruits, fluffy furs, a dozen shiny objects and pretty dried flowers. You sit up, looking around frantically for your mate before your eyes settle on a sheepish-looking Sero, wiggling nervously around the cave.

“Um… Do you… like it? I made it for you… I just- please tell me you like it!” He shrinks himself a bit, arm coming up to palm the back of his neck.

“Oh, is this a… nest? It’s- It’s very nice. Thank you, Hanta!” You smile softly at him, curling up into your nest and reaching out for him.

“MATE!!! I’m so happy you like it, I was so nervous!!! My mate. You can stay here all the time, so I can protect you, forever! My pretty little mate.~” He climbs into the nest and coils himself around you, content to guard you.

Maybe this time, being kept isn’t so bad.

[1dclicheficfest]

The time has come, my dears! We’ve compiled, organized and sorted your submissions and we’re ready to share them! We’ve had so much fun reading your clichés and we hope it’ll give you a good laugh.

Important disclaimer because it has to be said: we do not endorse any of the clichés submitted and these are not meant to spark Discourse™ . This is all in good fun, to spark your imagination and perhaps inspire some prompts!

Before we get to the fun part, don’t forget that prompt submissions open on February 1st and will run until March 28th. The full schedule can be found here.

And now, without further ado, here are your brilliant clichés.

HARRY

Green eyes

Huge eyes

Dimples

Always smirking

“The flirt”

Jobs: Works in a flower shop/Used to be a baker/Frat boy/LA socialite/Mermaid

“Quirky”

Clumsy/balance issues

Health nut/Workout junkie/Eats a lot of avocado and kale/loves yoga/gross green health smoothies

Very slow speech

Paints his nails

Beautiful long luscious curly hair

Long legs/large hands

Tall/large/big

Nudity/loves walking around starkers

Obsessed with being pregnant/babies

Kind to everyone

Bites his lip a lot

Tells terrible jokes/loves puns

Naive and oblivious

Clothing: Pearl necklace, Chelsea boots/gold boots/boots in general/Gucci everything/Flared, high-waisted trousers/’red and black sheer floral shirt with black skinny jeans’

Always unbuttons his shirt to show off tattoos

Baby seal laugh

Bad at driving

Hipster/takes artsy photos

Acting out for attention/Petty jealousy for no reason or because of a misunderstanding or when anyone comes near Louis

Bad dancer that gives it his all/makes awkward shapes with his limbs when trying to dance

Cat mom/Wine aunt

Resting bitch face

Rides a motorcycle

LIAM

Little clueless

Insecure

Louis is constantly messing with him

Roommates with Louis

Puppy/a lost puppy/puppy in human form/puppy eyes/puppy who doesn’t know how hot and strong he is/loves puppies

Manly muscle man/buff af/loves working out/sweet himbo beefcake

Bullied in the past

Giant heart/incredibly kind/soft/super loyal

Worry-wart/mother hen of the band/gets nervous when things don’t go to plan

Voice of reason/the responsible one/Daddy Direction/level-headed/most serious of the five/keeps the others grounded

Doesn’t know how to let loose and have fun

Lacking in experience/innocent about sex things

Oblivious to his feelings/other people’s feelings for him

Jobs: Firefighter/boxer/athlete

Super soft for Zayn

Protective

“Wants to cry as soon as Louis opens his mouth and doesn’t know if it’s because he’s scared, because it’s too funny, or because he just can’t handle any of it.”

Fear of spoons

Timid/

“being very shy/awkward in the beginning and then getting more confident because of Louis”

Snake habitat turn around!

Can’t spell

His turtle losing a foot

“Smelly pasta house”

Loves batman

Being alpha in ABOs

Unruly curly hair then trimmed to a crisp buzz

LOUIS

Blue eyes: ocean blue/blue as the sky on a sunny winter day/twinkle eyes

Arse and/or tummy as a defining feature

Sassy/sass master/feisty/snarky/cheeky/witty/playful/funny/sarcastic/joker

Flamboyant

Heart of gold/”Louis IS the sun”

“Does not suffer fools gladly (that’s your job you fooking loosah)”/hot-headed to pick fights only in defense of those he loves

Protective/Mama bear/loyal/Daddy of the group

Small/Dainty stature emphasized

Runs fingers through his fringe/hair always styled

Jobs: Footie player, teacher, drama teacher, actor, plays in a band

Loves music and writes songs

Plays footie (even if it’s not his job)

LOUD

Can’t cook/chicken wrapped in parma/”Can’t cook to save his life and if he does the kitchen ends up in flames”

Soft with Harry

School: Studying drama, being the bad boy, pop!punk Louis

Bratty/petty/snappy

Smoking

Zayn’s partner in crime

Rooms with Liam

Calls everyone ‘love’/uses too many terms of endearment

Yorkshire accent emphasized/always talks about Doncaster

Clothing: Vans or Adidas shoes/Toms/trackies/braces/red jeans/dressing in comfortable clothes only/no socks/scarf

Very good with kids/loves kids/family-oriented/looking after siblings/having a huge family

Eats junk food only

“The gay who cannot drive”

NIALL

Drinks a lot/Drinks everyone under the table because he’s Irish/Guinness lover/fun drunk/Will sing Gaelic folk songs when drunk/big social drinker-always making friends via alcohol/will kiss anyone when drunk

Food: Eats all the food/doesn’t season his food/loves Nando’s/”100% will take the last slice of pizza and not feel bad about it”/can and will eat you out of house and home/actually eats and cooks healthy but everyone thinks the opposite

Irish/Irish and proud/Wey Hey lads!/leprechaun Niall

Carefree/nothing bothers him

Romantic: falls fast and hard

Captain Niall!/Captain of the ship(s)

Music: guitar always present/Goes into the zone when he has an instrument in his hands - nothing will distract or get through to him/The Eagles fanboy/Damien Rice fanboy

Funny/always laughing/joking around/head back cackle of a laugh

Single/hooks up with a ton of people but no serious relationships/sleeps around/Serial Ladies man/Friends with benefits with multiple people at once/

Turns up the charm 100% and never half-asses it/”Scrunches his hair in thought and knows he looks cute doing so (like girls that purposefully bite their lip)”

Friends with literally everyone/has a thousand surface-level friends that think they’re close to him but keeps all at arm’s length/the greatest friend but also pickiest about who he becomes friends with

Clothing: Constantly shirtless/shorts over trousers/flip-flops as house shoes/gold chain/coin necklace/hoop earring/”golf dad that tucks in his shirts and unironically wears polos”

Obsessed with golf and football/practices his putt in the hallway with an empty loo roll

A bro

Secretly insightful/Tactless but gives essential advice as a result

Secretive/keeps his shit quiet/Definitely the guy with the most secrets

The blond one

Hairy chest

Worst poker face

Finger guns/peace signs

Blushes when he’s excited

Adores Shawn and Lewis

Cares a lot about what others think

Says no judgment but really judges a lot/judges you based on music taste

Rings in at 0 on the gaydar but could surprise you/the only het one

Tries to avoid conflict by remaining ‘on the fence’ and not picking a side

Always the roommate

Face mask selfies

Emotions rotate between sad, sexy, and fun - combination vary

Never a villain

Close with Harry

“Violent masturbating in the next room”

Constant pet names for everyone/”Even has pet names for his devices (like his vacuum robot”

ZAYN

Super smart/nerd/wise/The Ravenclaw

Smokes a lot

Secretly very soft/gentle/biggest heart/”His confidence and aloofness hide a sensitive heart of gold”/Bad boy secretly soft

Heart-eyes at Liam/Soft with Liam/”Lee-yum”

Mysterious eyes

Best friends with Louis

Jobs: Artist, tattoo artist, English teacher who loves art, works in comic book store,

Shy/withdrawn/mysterious/brooding best friend/quiet/”Seems intimidating until you realize he’s just shy”/bad boy outside, soft boy inside/”not as cool as he seems but way sweeter”

The artistic one/tortured artist/art student/skater/also does graffiti/spray-paint

Marvel fan/comic book fan/superhero fan

Clothing: Wears his clothes like armor/leather jacket/”He’s the only one with good taste and he knows it”

Most ‘devil may care’ about his sexuality

Family-oriented/family man

Involved with his religion

Model figure/carved by gods/vain but not obnoxious about it

Catchprase is ‘sick’

Needs time alone to recharge

Changes his hair a lot/that one strand of hair that falls over his eyes

Thinks Malibu is called Malabami

“Eats candy underwear off of Harry’s crotch”

[jay-and-dean]

Little Red Riding Hood

Sam x Reader One shot

Camping with friends, confidences, a night in the wood... what could go wrong ?

Note : @holylulusworld made me... This is my first ever Sam smut.

Warnings : SMUT... hand kink, a hit of size kink... I mean, Sam !

Words : 3.1k

***WANT TO READ MORE ? => MASTERLIST***

____________________________

          Summer is hot and sunny, the lake is beautiful and the sun is falling on it slowly like it wanted to bath. The tents are open and everything is messy : you spent the day listening to loud music and swimming with your friends. Even in the shade of that beautiful willow, heat makes alcohol a little more intoxicating.

“Come on !” Claire says to Jack, sitting next to you. “Don’t tell me you never thought about it !”

Jack looks a little surprised and takes a sip of his beer.

“No, really” he says. “I guess I never really had the opportunity, considering I live with the boys.”

“Well Y/n too” Claire states with a teasing smile. “You could have had sex with her.”

“Y/n is my best friend” Jack frowns.

You laugh and get up to take another beer from the cooler next to your tent.

“No offence Jack but you’re not really my type” you smile messing with his hair before sitting again, against the trunk.

“Are you into girls ?” Claire purrs, biting her lips like she always does when she hits on you.

“No she’s into Sam…” Jack states and your eyes widen.

“Sam ? As in Sam Winchester ?” Claire cough.

“You couldn’t shut up huh, Jack ?” you groan.

“He’s old” Claire thinks out loud and you hum biting your lips, rubbing your naked thighs together. “Whaaat ! You’re unbelievable Y/n ! Tell me everything ! Sammy ? Come on !”

“I don’t know he’s just… Did you look at him ?” you shrug drinking your all beer in one go.

“She’s in love with him” Jack adds innocently and you choke.

“I’m not !... I mean… He would never… anyway. Forget it !” you try but Claire is smiling so much you fear she would hurt her face, you roll your eyes.

“Oh my God I need to hear your dirtiest fantasies about Sam !” Claire shouts. “Come on I told you everything about that girl and about my wet dreams about Kristen Stewart. Pleeeease !”

           You laugh and take a sip of the beer in your hand again.

“I won’t tell you all my dirty secrets that easily” you smile. “There is just that thing he does with his chest…”

“Okay, this is going to be fun” your friend sits on her ankles. “Have you ever dreamt about him ?”

“Jack won’t shut his mouth…” you protest.

“He will or I have some things I could say too” she says and you see Jack swallow. “Dream ?”

“Yes” you sigh.

“Dirty dreams ?” she insists.

“Yes dirty dreams” you shake your head.

“Wow, I never thought of Sam this way, he’s just, so serious and old. He’s really nice and I guess he’s handsome but…”

“Have you seen his hands ?” you cut her and as her mouth opens without words coming out of it, you continue. “I’m sure just his fingers would go deeper than my ex’s dick. Last time he licked his fingers during diner, I had to go to the bathroom to… wipe… I mean, men hands make me all tingly already… Have you seen Sam fucking Winchester’s hands ?”

           Claire laughs and shakes her head while you clear your voice.

“I can’t even imagine what he hides in those jeans…” you sigh. “He’s so strong, I would let him do anything to me” you let out a moan that makes Jack widen his eyes.

“Do you think he’s dirty ? He’s always so reasonable, he eats healthy and work out and…”

“He’s in control” you cut her dreamingly. “He knows what he is doing, he’s smart and powerful, believe me Sam has a secret side” you feel yourself blush. “I would give anything to have him in control of me.”

“Must be fun to live with them” Claire turns to Jack.

“It’s awkward most of the times” Jack shrugs with a light smile.

“Yeah, well I’m horny all the time” you pout. “I live with a sex god and I can’t touch him” you sigh. “Last time he gave me too many orders while I was packing I called him Sir to make fun of him, but it made me fucking moan out loud instead… I’m lost. Sam Winchester ruined me.”

“Wow girl, you got it bad” Claire laughs loudly, showing her teeth.

           But your own smile fades. The problem is Jack is right : What started with attraction grew into something else. Evening spent watching movies with him doesn’t let you craving for just touches now, but also for affection. And his dimpled smile is now tearing your heart most of the time.

           You can’t show it of course, Sam would think you’re crazy, he doesn’t see you that way, you’re too young, and he often acts like you were a little sister. Sometimes you wonder what it could have been like to be Jessica, having a man like him intimate enough to ask you to marry him, waking up beside him, in his strong arms…

“Damn, I’m never looking at Sam the same way” your friend cuts your thoughts in a chuckle.

“Yeah well… if only he knew what he does to me…” you say dreamingly.

             You turn in your tent, not finding sleep. Talking about Sam like that was a bad idea, now you miss him, that kind smile, the delicious smell of his skin ; and you think about his hands… How they would grab your body, how his fingers could fill you, how tiny you would look under his palm…

           A discreet noise makes your senses switch on. What was that ? Not an animal for sure, not one of your friends, you hear them snore in their own tents.

           Taking your knife in your hand you open the zipper slowly. The noise again. Then something touches the fabric of your temporary room. You rush outside with your knife but nothing is there, just the forest and the majestic willow covered by night.

           You look around and see a shadow between trees, obviously staring at you even if where you are you couldn’t say what it is for sure. A wendigo ? Come on ! This is your first vacation in two years !

           You look back thinking about waking your friends but the shadow starts moving so you follow it right away. The woods are dark but the almost full moon allows you to see where you put your feet. After a minute or two walking, you wonder : Is it a good idea to go further ? You could get lost and…

           Suddenly, an incredibly strong arm wraps around your waist from behind while a hand keeps you from screaming, almost bruising your face.

“It’s me” you hear behind you.

This voice, this smell… You look down and recognize it : the hand that you crave for years is holding you so tight. He frees your mouth.

“Sammy ?” you ask out of breath both from short but intense fear and from sudden arousal.

He doesn’t let you go, his giant arm still powerfully holding your waist.

“Yeah…” he sighs and you feel his mouth brush your neck.

“Oh…” you can’t hold back a winging sigh. “Wh-what are you doing here ?”

The hand that was on your mouth before pushes the hair that fell from your messy bun to the side, and he puts a kiss on the skin there. What is happening ? Did Sam just put a wet and hungry kiss on your skin ?

           Your legs close, like your body was trying to stop your pussy from reacting.

“I heard…” he whispers.

Your heart races and you start to sweat.

“Wh-what ? Sammy…” you try but he softly bites the side of your throat. “Oh god… Please…”

“I barely touched you and you are already begging” he groans. “Was it true ?"

"Wh-what ?" you stutter.

"All of it" he groans and you feel yourself soaking your panties, his huge body so close to yours. "You need me that bad ?" he groans, and the vibrations of his chest goes directly to your core. “My hands ?...” his fingers wrap around your throat, covering all of it.

All you can do is nod, still not sure this isn't a wet dream.

           A strand of his hair falls next to your face, and you try to turn to see him, but his massive body prevents any movement.

"Don't move" he orders in a deep voice you never heard. "Don't you dare..."

The hand around your waist comes up, now grabbing your boobs through your tank top, he can touch both at once and you feel so small.

"No bra..." he almost pants.

“I-I’m in my pajamas…” you moan and swallow, feeling his snake-hand holding your throat.

           The hand holding your waist falls on your ass and you gasp when it takes your sweatpants and panties down in one sharp movement. He bites your shoulder in a growl, making you bend a little. One of your shaking hands lean on the three in front of you, your nails scratching the wood at the intense pleasure the hunter is already giving you.

           He doesn’t go further, letting you butt-naked, your pants still below it. When his hips crush on you, the size of the bulge you feel makes you whine, and the hand around your throat squeezes you just a second to strangled the dangerously loud sound escaping your lungs.

“Can you take me Y/n ?” he groans low and you smell his delicious sweat break through his skin. “Little red ridding hood… Do you want me now ?”

His voice alone could make you come, and your only answer is a push back on his cock. He almost roars and the hand around your throat rolls around to hold your neck from behind now, making you bend a little more, fiercely. Your second arm goes to the tree for more balance. You are totally at his mercy.

           One of his foot spreads your legs a little, but your pants doesn’t allow much. His palm comes roughly in contact with your ass cheek and your pussy starts pulsing around nothing. You lower your head but his powerful arm can hold it because his fingers are long enough to wrap from back to front.

           When his huge hand goes down your ass, down between your thighs, and comes caressing your soaked folds from behind, you almost lose balance. But Sam is so strong his wrist on your neck alone can hold you. He wets his fingers in a manly moan, making his long digits rub your entrance from tip to palm, and a burning feeling makes you see stars already.

“So cute little Y/n fantasizes about my fingers, huh ?” he snarls and you take a deep shaky inhale. “Aren’t you a little too young to want a man like me ? Huh ?”

“P-please…” is all you can say, weakly.

Before you even register what he’s up to, two of his fingers brush your entrance and push in, stretching you deliciously.

“Sam…” you moan.

He pushes deeper, slowly but perfectly steadily. When you feel his index and little finger press hard against your ass cheeks, you understand he used his two longest fingers.

“Gnnn… FUCK” you cry out when you feel him so deep.

“Shhhh” he murmurs.

No one ever did that to you. His hand is so long and thick, he hits you better than most man could do with their hands or even their cock. The tips of his fingers move a little inside of you, and you swear you could feel them in your belly.

Fingers and cocks are not the same, hands are less thick, but firmer and more precise, with their own will, move… That’s why you love them so much.

When he starts to roughly make his hand shake, his whole arm violently jolting, you almost faint. A strangle moan escape your lungs painfully.

“Yeaaah… That’s it babygirl… just like that” he groans from deep in his chest.

You feel something explode inside you and come, the hardest ever, tears filling your eyes and your juice burning your thighs because of the contrast with the fresh air on your skin.

           You stay here, panting. Absolutely incapable of forming a coherent thought. Sam’s long fingers leave you and he wraps his two arms around you, helping you to stay up.

           In your high, you feel his lips devour your neck and jaw. Your eyes can’t focus, your hands are shaking, all your brain can focus on is Sam Winchester. You lean on his chest and touches in ecstatic whines. His hand comes to your face, clumsily pushing the hair out of your face.

“Do you want more ?” he pants in your ear.

That’s when you notice how he breathes, how hot his skin is, how hard he is… You nod and smile with your eyes closed in bliss. Sam, your Sam wants you.

           He turns you and takes your pants and panties down in an eager grunt. Your head goes back a little at how high you are.

“There, I got ya” he whispers against the delicate skin of your jaw.

His lips move to yours and you really wish you could enjoy your first kiss wish Sam Winchester, a kiss you’ve dreamed of for so long… But now his delicious mouth tastes yours, half your focus is on his hand struggling with his belt.

           When he grabs your thighs to carry you against the trunk, taking place with the moves of a wild cat between your legs, you feel so small it actually scares you a little for a few seconds. But his predatory attitude doesn’t fool you : Sam is the kindest heroes of all.

           You dare looking down and gasp. Sam is huge, and his cock, hard but heavy, laying on your lower belly, looks like it would never fit, even after his fingers… He kisses you, the soft taste of his lips making you forget anything else but want.

           His arms are the size of your thighs, and the strange sensation of him being a giant makes you shake again you again, except this time it doesn’t scare you. You whine in desire, making noises you didn’t know you had in you.

“Look at me baby…” he purrs, suddenly tender and warm.

He grabs his cocks in his hand and you open your mouth in anticipation, looking down at it. When he lines himself with your entrance, you realize if he hadn’t prepared you so good, so deeply and roughly, you probably couldn’t take him.

           He pushes just the tip in, you can’t take your eyes off of it. Both his hands are under your thighs so when he bends his head to catch your attention on his face, you ignore it for a while, knowing he can’t make you look up just right now. You just watch him sink slowly, watch how you swallow him, how this thick vein disappears inside of you. Your heart is racing and you feel sweat roll on your back.

           A low moan escapes his lips, making you finally look at his face. When your eyes meet his, a side smile welcomes you. The little strand of his hair sticking to his forehead, the dimples on his right cheek, the dark in his eyes… Every detail make you fall in love all over again. You have to hold back a tear at the idea of him, your Sammy, finally sinking inside you.

           But a sudden sharp sensation makes you gasp : the stretching becomes too much when he bottoms out. He’s huge and your head falls back in a whine. But after a few seconds not moving, your body finally welcomes him totally and it becomes so good to feel him that you start to shake.

“G-God… Sam…” you moan, grabbing his waist to make him move.

His stomach trembles and he lets out a long exhale, like he had been holding his breathe.

           His first thrusts are slow and gentle, even if his grunts are still wolf-like : The perfect balance between dangerous and sweet, powerful and cautious… Sam Winchester. His head falls on your shoulder and he bites it, the move of his lips getting a little more sharp.

“Ah!” you scream when his teeth surprise you with a delicious scratch.

“Be quiet baby” he groans in your ear, before one of his hands lets go of your thigh to silent you.

The feeling of his oh-so-powerful hand on your mouth, and the smell of yourself on it make you crave even more and your whimpers fill every one of your breaths. Your walls pulse around him, making him hold back low moans against your skin.

           Usually, when an orgasm builds inside you, you feel every steps of it, the waves of pleasure slowly coming up… Not this time. No waves before the tsunami.

Your vision goes blank and you feel your all body reacting without your consent. Your lungs burn and your legs convulse. You feel something warm soak you and hear the wet sounds of his now erratic thrusts in your head. The pleasure is almost too much and tears roll on your face.

“Sh-shit…” he mutters, his hand almost bruising your face.

The last thing you can feel before you pass out is his cock twitching furiously and his burning cum filling you.

“Saaam…”

             You feel so good, but you can’t move, like your body had melt entirely. Opening your eyes, you meet Sam’s perfect face. He’s caring you into the woods, steady and upright, his muscular arms holding you in the safest place in the world.

           You look up and admire the stars around his head. Your hand is the first to obey again and you reach his face, catching his attention. He smiles with his heart on his face, like only can do, and you snuggle against him.

           Your tent seems so small when he puts you in it, the little warm light in it perfect for your peaceful bliss.

“Stay…” you whisper and he smiles again.

Taking his shirt off, he comes close to you and the beast is gone. He nuzzles in your chest, wrapping his arms around your body.

“I didn’t hurt you, Y/n ? Tell me…” he asks in a murmur while his hand comes under your shirt in your back.

“Sammy… this was… the best” you blush, putting your two hands in his hair to keep him close to you.

He chuckles and snuggles a little closer, making the fabric of the tent move because he touches every corner of it. You’re messy and sticky, but you are truly happy for the first time in your life.

           Silence slowly lays on you two letting you hear the wind in the willow. You kiss Sam’s hair praying he will stay, praying you could keep the man you love so close to you.

Not just until morning…

____________________________

***FEEDBACK IS EVERYTHING <3***

Forever Tags : @parinarain @animegirlgeeky @mogaruke @masterof-agony @rainflowermoon @tftumblin @deans-baby-momma @roonyxx @animegirlgeeky @paradoxical–intentions  @thefaithfulwriter@parinarain@vicariouslythruspn @emeow1496@daryldixonandfrogs @holylulusworld  @cocklesbelli @sandlee44@mogaruke @masterof-agony @mogaruke @screenchingartisancashbailiff @donnaintx @hawaiianohana31 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #350

“let’s play a love game, play a love game  /  do you want love, or you want fame?  /  are you in the game?”

Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. Would you kiss this person again? I know I fucking would and I hate it more than I could possibly express. Name something that is on your bedroom wall? Lots of artwork, mostly of meerkats. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I need another desk to put stuff on. If you could paint your walls any color what would it be? Something pastel. Maybe like, peach. Soft and warm and would really bring light to the room. What does your phone case look like? It's just this boring purple one that came with the phone. What do you take the most pictures of? My camera roll says my pets, hahaha. What is the point of Twitter for you? Liking Mark's shit lmao. What does your planner look like? I don’t have one. If you get into an argument what is it usually about? My anxiety, I think. What are you always in the mood for? Ummm probably a car ride where I can control the music in the passenger seat. It is very, very rare I'll turn that opportunity down. What’s the last emergency you dealt with? I don't really know; I'm thankfully not in these situations very much, especially when you're cooped up at home. I probably haven't been actually engaged in an emergency since I had to call 911 for my mom before she found out about her cancer. She was basically immobile from agony in her abdomen. Do you have a son? I'm perfectly happy without a son, or kids period. Are you married? No. Have you ever worn a suit? I haven't. Have you ever had to call 911? Twice for Mom. How many keys are on your key-ring? Just one for the house. What’s the last thing you created? An RP post would count as art creation, I'd say. Who are your closest friends? Sara, Girt, and uh... Well, they might be it as far as friends I consider truly close to me. I have a few other people I consider good friends, but we're just not like... on that "close" level, you know? Lisa is maybe another, and Lyndsey perhaps, both WoW friends. Are you ready to have a family? I hate that "have a family" tends to mean get married and have kids, which I'm guessing is what you're implying. If that's the case, no, given I don't want kids and am not fit to get married right now. I'm not even with anyone. I'm content right now with just living with my mom and my two pets, who are children well enough to me. Have you ever taken a DNA test? No. Do you have a family cemetery? No. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? *shrugs* I think it's pretty normal. How do you feel about swallowing pills? What do you mean how do I "feel" about it? I just do it if I need to. What animal is the scariest in your opinion? Some kind of bug, probably. Giant centipedes creep me the fuck out, for one, and I've heard their bite is incredibly painful. I've also always been very afraid of Australia's funnel web spiders since watching some show on Animal Planet when I was younger; I think it scarred me for life, aha. And let's not forget the murder hornets. No thnx, rather die. :') Have you ever questioned your sanity? Way more than once, my friend. How do you feel about people wearing fur coats? Are you for or against it? I am VIOLENTLY against it unless it is for survival in extreme climates and you don't have access to other material. That aside, there is NO way you could possibly convince me that it's okay to wear the fur of something once living on yourself for ~fashion~. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? Let's not go here. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? Haha, yeah. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon or strawberry. I'm not a massive jellybean fan. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? I've never tried it, no. What book/movie has made you cry the hardest? Either The Notebook or Titanic. Something you feared as a kid but don’t anymore? Thunderstorms. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one. Just wash it with water in the shower and then use a washcloth when I feel the need. Would you rather have a snake or a tarantula as a pet? I want both, but I prefer snakes. What is something you are NOT looking forward to? I both am and am not looking forward to my second Covid vaccine because it's notoriously worse than the first; the only bright side to it is that after the potential side effects blow over, I'm job hunting. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check the time on my phone. Would you rather eat your pizza cold or hot? Hot, but I like both. Who taught you how to swim? Dad, I think? Can you do push-ups? No. Do you like Doritos? Yesssss. Who is the closest friend that you live by? I don't know. Have you ever banged your head against something? I've had two concussions before, so, y'know. Have you ever jumped on a trampoline? Yeah, I loved that as a kid. Do you like watching scary movies? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that you have a big butt? No, considering I have like no ass, rip. Has one of your friends ever tried to "hook you up?" Ugh, yes. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions? Landmarks, by a mile. Although, I'm super bad with directions, so it probably wouldn't really matter much. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books? Yeah, you got to. Does your house have more than one fireplace? No. What was your favourite gym class moment? The one and only thing I liked about gym as a kid was when you took one of those rainbow tarps and made like, an air bubble underneath to make this awesome dome everyone sat in. Ya missed out if you didn't do that. Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun? Yeah. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks? Not at all; I was always flattered, knowing they cared enough to want mine. Apple Jacks: yay or nay? I looove those. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie? Haha yeah, I think it's the second one? Such iconic scenes. It's the one with the Mary Jane girl that Shaggy liked... oh, jokes that went over your head as a kid. Who were your last 3 Facebook messages from and what do they say? I'm too lazy to list the convos themselves, but the people involved are my friends Chelsea and Ian, as well as a friend's mother. Do you turn your phone off at night when you go to sleep? No. It's always on vibrate, and I just turn the brightness way down. What is the sexual orientation of the last person you talked to? She's straight. What’s your favourite hairstyle on the opposite sex? Don't you fucking dare laugh, emo hair is A++. Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? Not a big one, no. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? Do I?! I love the first one (though for a while I wasn't very happy they swapped the lead role from Harry to his wife), and while the second is literal trash story-wise and it's ALL over the damn place, I still enjoy it with just how much I adore SH as a whole. What movie scared you the most out of any other movies? The Rite, because the concept of being raped and impregnated by a demon is fucking horrifying to me. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this? Nah. Name 5 things you don’t believe in. 1.) "Everything happens for a reason;" 2.) karma; 3.) destiny/fate; 4.) psychics, fortune tellers, all that; and 5.) luck, at least in the sense of someone having set "good" or "bad" luck. If you could have any friend that you’ve lost back, who would you pick? Probably Megan. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish? Me for both of them. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”? I have folders. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? Eh, nah, that feels a bit far to me. I am very firmly for friends still being able to hang out even if they're each other's preferred gender, but a sleepover sounds a bit too intimate, even without sharing a bed. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot? No. I'm very intimidated by guns and nearly shook when I merely handed a friend his (not for anything bad, he just carried it with him when he goes out), and I've got noooo plans of holding one again unless my life depends on it. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal? You. Have. Zero. Idea. It's for both reasons, and it's far more severe in person. Online, I actually don't mind much, oddly enough... I can't quite pin down why. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? Knives scare me like five times more than guns. Scary movies have nothing to do with it, though. They're just so sharp and the idea of being stabbed by one is terrifying. As someone with a history of self-mutilation too (not with knives, but I've thought about it and once planned to slit my throat with one, but Mom stopped me), they just make me incredibly uncomfortable to the point I can barely hold a "real" knife to just slice food. Have you ever climbed a chain-link fence? Many times. What is your LEAST favorite Disney animated movie? That I've seen, uhhhhh... I don't know man, there are way too many Disney movies lmao. Who was the last person’s house you went to besides your own? My sister's. On YouTube, who are two people you find hilarious? I'm just counting GameGrumps as one, and then you can't forget Shane Dawson, regardless of the controversy. He probably made me laugh more than any other YouTuber. Do you shave your pits? Yeah. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I don't think so. Besides the USA, what is your favorite country? I'm not nearly informed enough about foreign countries' politics and laws and mannerisms to have a favorite. Would you rather go to Europe or Asia? Europe. Would you rather go to Africa or Australia? Africa. Would you rather go to Mexico or Canada? Canada. Do you think emo/scene hair is attractive? I love emo and scene hair, don't @ me, it's cute as fuck. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture? Lots, actually, at one of my old houses that I totally know was haunted. Do you think abortion should be illegal? NO. You would NOT end abortions. You would end SAFE abortions. Do any of your pets have strange habits? Explain? Venus, my ball python, is extremely odd with food to the point I sometimes worry about her, but she's always been this way and is healthy, so I guess it's nothing really worth fretting over. Anyway, when I place her rat in her terrarium, she gets excited first and will pretty much frantically examine her surroundings, like slithering around everywhere, and even when she has clearly found the rat (she'll even prod it with her snout), she usually won't immediately eat. She just like... sits there and has to continue to verify for ten minutes that it's food. I know it's thawed perfectly, btw. So anyway, THAT'S weird... As for Roman, dear god, that cat's just weird, lmao. Especially in the morning, he's very hyper and will bolt around the house sometimes, he "plays" with nothing all the time, he "meerkat"s at nothing that I can nothing, etc. etc. etc. He's a weirdo lol. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke? Oh god, I said something really inapprops once when my friend Chelsea startled me. I won't be repeating it lmao. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? Sara, I think. Who have you most feared in your life? My dad. He doesn't scare me anymore, but he did. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? Oh idk. What is the worst word anyone ever used to describe you? "Martyr." And not the kind that dies for their beliefs. It hurt me so badly to know someone thought of me that way, and I'll probably never let it go. If you have any pets, were they adopted from the humane society? No. Roman is one of the billion kittens born to the cats my sister's in-laws have, and Venus is from a ball python breeding business in Florida called The Gourmet Rodent (they sell f/t rodents too, obvs) Do you like home design, like picking out paint colors and furniture? Not really. My grandmother though, whew, that was her calling for sure. Have you seen any of the old James Bond movies? Nope. List all of your features that you have ever gotten compliments on: My hair, my eyes, my tattoos, my hands, I think my nose, my dimples, my smile, and my boobs lmao. Have you ever been in a hot air balloon? And if not, would you ever want to go in one? I haven't. I think it'd be kinda cool, but they seem too easy to fall out of, and I'm afraid of heights. I'd probably go in one if given the opportunity. Do you have any stains on your shirt currently? No, but there are two small rips. It's just an old tank top. Do you listen to local bands? No. Not that I'm opposed, I just don't know of any I really enjoy. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Many, many daily. Do your parents fight? Do they even talk at all? They're divorced; they used to fight a lot when they were together. Now they only talk if they have reason to. Have you ever watched a movie that's in a complete different language, so you had to read sub-titles? No. Do people with yellow teeth disgust you? Dude, fuck off, no. My teeth are kinda yellow, and I'm extremely self-conscious about it, so seriously fuck this question. You never know for sure why someone's teeth may seem yellowish. Do you drink alcohol on New Year’s Eve? Usually a drink or two. Do you wear rings? I always have two on, yeah. Are you hungry right now? No, I literally just ate a breakfast bowl. Have you ever tried smoking a cigarette? No; I haven't the slightest interest in doing so.

[meetthemidwest]

About Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio playing video game, I have to know what they said during the subspace emissary gameplay. May we hear about what happened? Please and thank you, you fabulous person

This took so long and I’m so sorry but finals week happened and I had to study for apush! There are spoilers, but the game came out in 2008 so I’m not too concerned. I still put it under the cut just in case someone didn’t want it spoiled. I really hope tumblr doesn’t cut this, there’s a lot here.

Subspace Emissary is a two player story mode in Smash Bros Brawl, and since there are three of them, Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio take turns. Indiana and Ohio play the first level.

Indiana: You know what? I kind of relate to Kirby.Kentucky: Please explain what the hell that means.Indiana: He inhales food and killed god.Ohio: Oh please, you haven’t killed god yet.Kentucky: Yet? YET??

After the whole fight with Mario and Kirby, there’s a part where the Halberd flies over the stadium and drops a bunch of shadow bugs.

Ohio: Those things look like the mold that was growing in my basement last year.Indiana: Glowing and purple?Kentucky: Delicious.Ohio: What the actual fuck Kentucky?Kentucky: No, you don’t understand, nature is delicious.Indiana: Oh really? I’ll be right back.She comes back in five minutes later with an armful of plants from Ohio’s backyard.Kentucky: *picks up a leaf* There’s a spider on this one.Indiana: Eat it.Ohio: DON’T EAT IT!Kentucky: Aw, it fell.Ohio: *jumps from his chair to the table* Fucking kill it already!Indiana promptly throws it at him and he screams like a girl. The video cuts there. It comes back to Indiana and Ohio arguing over who to save in the first boss battle.

Indiana: Zelda’s twenty times better than Peach you dumbass!Ohio: Peach is the original Nintendo princess! You respect the originals or I’ll put you in the goddamn dirt!Kentucky: You just got a game over.Indiana: No one asked for your input Bill Monroe!Kentucky: How the hell do you know who that is?The video devolves into screaming. It cuts to Kentucky and Ohio playing while Indiana eats a pot of Kraft macaroni and cheese. They’ve saved Peach and moved on.

Kentucky: Hey, it’s Pit from Kid Icarus on the NES!Indiana: Fucking nerd!Ohio: Nice redesign.Kentucky: Yeah, well, if we aren’t going to get Geno, it’s nice that an obscure Nintendo game is getting some love.Ohio: *looks directly into the camera* Localize Mother 3 you cowards.Kentucky: PLAYER TWO CAN TELEPORT HELL YES YOU’RE CARRYING THE TEAM OHIO!

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!Kentucky: Did Diddy Kong always have guns or is that a new thing?Ohio, drinking tea in the background: Neither of you have ever played Donkey Kong Country and it shows.Kentucky: Oh god, Danky Kang just sacrificed himself for his son!Indiana: Wish that was the relationship I had with Quebec but he just calls me his bastard daughter and I call him my asshole father.Kentucky: Oof.

Ohio: Oh shit, Indi, get your xylophone, we’ve got a pokemon!Indiana: *starts playing the original pokemon battle theme on the xylophone while Kentucky fights Rayquaza but dies because he’s laughing too hard.*

Indiana: That feeling when you’re kidnapped by a small primate in a baseball cap.Ohio: No, that can happen. Have you ever been to the zoo?Kentucky: Are you okay?Ohio: *voice crack* no.

*Lucas and Porky appear*Ohio, ripping the controller out of Kentucky’s hands: YOU LEAVE MY BABY ALONE YOU CAPITALIST FUCK!Indiana: Oh shit, he’s crying!Kentucky: And I’m the nerd?Indiana: Shut up nerd, Mother 3 was hard on him.

*Ness appears*Indiana: SNES is just a word scramble of Ness.Kentucky: Mother 3 confirmed?Ohio: NOOO NESS JUST GOT FUCKING KILLED BY WARIO!Indiana: Weak.

*Pokemon Trainer appears*Kentucky: ASH KETCHUM???Indiana: You’re so stupid. It’s Red, obviously.Ohio: Red and Ash Ketchum’s secret love child.Indiana: *Gets up* I quit.

*Battlefield Fortress*Ohio: You know what this looks like?Kentucky: Oh god please no.Indiana: *pulls out Kentucky’s xylophone* Ready when you are.Kentucky: Indiana, if you value our friendship, please don’t do this.Indiana: We’re not friends though.*Marth is introduced. Indiana starts playing Together We Ride on the xylophone. Ohio joins in on a green plastic kazoo. Kentucky slams his face into the table and gets a nosebleed.*

Indiana: Hey it’s Spanish Batman from Kirby Right Back At Ya!Ohio: Never say those words in front of me again.

*Ike appears*Kentucky: Please don’t-Indiana and Ohio: *Playing the recruitment theme With Us on their instruments.*Kentucky: *looks into the camera like Jim on The Office*

Kentucky: Luigi is my spirit animal because he’s a coward with a heart of gold, like me.Indiana: You’re a coward, but I know you had your heart surgically removed in 1847 so don’t even try that bullshit with me.Ohio: He had a heart before 1847? Damn. See, I relate more to King Dedede because he’s a king and his relationship with Kirby reminds me of Michigan and I.Indiana: Yeah, that sounds about right.Ohio: I don’t like the implications there.

*Link appears*Indiana, shoving Ohio and Kentucky out of the way and wearing a Legend of Zelda hoodie: Move bitches, it’s my time to shine.Ohio: Oh thank god Yoshi’s here because I’m not playing as Link. Kentucky, doing a scarily accurate impression of Yoshi: YOSHI!Indiana: What the FUCK Kentucky???Kentucky, coughing: If I do that for too long I lose my voice.Indiana: Then don’t do it!

*There are some enemies that I distinctly remember in this part that scared the hell out of me, and they’re called Puppits.*Ohio: Oh god, oh fuck, what are these things?Indiana: Kill it!Ohio: *dies* SHIT!Kentucky, eating gummy bears out of a paper bag: Why are y’all so bad at this? It’s just an enemy.Indiana: *throws her controller at Kentucky and hits him in the forehead.*

*The cutscene with the box*Indiana: Snake? SNAKE?? SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!Kentucky: SPOILERS!

*Zero-Suit Samus*Indiana: I wish that were me.Ohio: Why? She’s not that much prettier than you.Indiana: Space guns.Kentucky: Of course.Indiana: Also I think a lot of girls would be into me if I had that ass.Ohio: There it is.

*Pikachu*Ohio: Did you guys know that this is how we powered the first rocket to the moon?Kentucky: Electricity rat.Indiana: Thomas Edison used Pikachu to power America, your history books have been lying to you.Ohio: We’re going to get killed by the government, aren’t we?Kentucky: Yeah, but not for this.

*The battle against Subspace Peach*Indiana: Mario’s going to be so pissed.Kentucky: Yeah, but Yoshi’s Mario’s lifelong friend, so surely everything will be a-okay!*Mario battle ensues*Ohio: Love blinds all.Indiana: Stop trying to sound wise, I literally watched you burn your tongue on your coffee and throw it into a wall.Ohio: You know what Indiana? Fuck you.

Indiana: Kirby Kirby Kirby that’s the name you should know!Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby he’s the star of the show!*Both look at Ohio*Ohio, obviously disappointed in life: He’s more than you think, he’s got maximum pink.Indiana and Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby’s the one!

Indiana: Ew it’s Ganondorf.Kentucky: Wait, I thought he was a pig?Ohio: Well Kentucky, people can be pigs without looking like them, like New York.Kentucky: No, wasn’t he literally a pig?Indiana: That was Ganon.Kentucky: They’re… they’re the same thing?

*Wario battle*Ohio: IS LUCAS DOING THE ARTHUR MEME?Indiana: HOLY SHIT HE IS!Kentucky: MOTHER 3 CONFIRMED!*they all start screaming incoherently. The video cuts to them actually fighting Wario. Ohio is Lucas, Kentucky is the Pokemon Trainer.*Ohio: My boy Lucas has seen some shit.Kentucky: Your boy Kentucky has also seen some shit, how about a little love over here?Ohio: No.Kentucky: Thanks.

*Bowser’s army attacks the castle Dedede is in.*Indiana: Oh my goodness he’s Dedede-dead!Ohio: I’m going to sew your lips together while you sleep.

*Bowser gets away with Peach’s trophy*Kentucky: This is so sad, Indiana play Ave Maria.Indiana: *plays Ave Maria on the kazoo*

Kentucky: I love how Ike, the youngest and most impulsive, jumps right off a cliff while both Marth and Meta Knight reach out to stop him.Ohio: Me with my bastard siblings.Indiana: Let me guess, Wisconsin’s Ike, Michigan’s Meta Knight, and you’re Marth?Ohio: No, because I don’t join them in their bullshit.Indiana: Oh? Then what do you call the time the three of you tied Illinois to a tree and left him there for a week?Ohio: It’s called knocking the wealthy down a few pegs.Kentucky: Guys, this was an appreciation of Fire Emblem characters and nothing more.

*Diddy Kong trophy*Indiana: PeRSonALLy I PrEFer ThE AiR!Kentucky: OH! GRAB THE FAN! *they proceed to get the giant Subspace Diddy Kong to 500% and launch him off the screen.*Ohio: The monkey’s kidnapping a bird.Indiana: I saw that happen in Florida once.

*Ridley battle*Kentucky: HE’S TOO BIG FOR SMASH BROS!*Kentucky then plays the Ridley theme on the xylophone while Ohio attempts to crawl out a window and Indiana screams*

*Olimar and Captain Falcon*Kentucky in the background playing Pikmin music on the xylophone: Isn’t this nice? Pikmin was one of the best games I ever played.*West Virginia kicks down the door and plays the F-Zero theme on an electric guitar*Kentucky: Get the hell out!West Virginia: While y’all were sitting in here playing video games I got arrested for tax fraud and broke out on my own.Indiana: Amateur. What’s your point kid?West Virginia: Get on my level. Get hobbies for god’s sake. You’re going to be killed one day, you gotta live in the moment.Ohio: I die when I decide, you little rat faced bastard. There’s a cupcake in the fridge, take it and get out.West Virginia: Alright, I’m going to elope with Mothman, see y’all later.

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!!!!Kentucky: Aw heck, I died.

*Ice Climbers*Ohio: That jumping noise definitely isn’t going to get annoying in the next few minutes.Kentucky: *slowly mutes the tv*Indiana: You guys are really dumb sometimes. You know that, right?

*the two groups meet up*Indiana: The gang’s all here!Ohio: If you play as Link again I’m going to suffocate you on camera.Indiana: With what?Kentucky: His Ohio State mascot body pillow.Indiana: What the fuck.Ohio: You’re next, Kentucky.

*Snake*Kentucky: Sometimes I just want to hide in a box while my problems run around without me.Indiana: Shame problems are like Lucario and can see right through your hiding place.Ohio: Guys, I dropped a hot pocket into the hole in the wall and I can’t get it out.

*Sheik and Peach*Indiana: I’m getting some strong Peach loves her strong girlfriend vibes from this.Kentucky: I’d love my strong girlfriend too if I had one.Ohio: No living organism would put up with you for more than a week.Indiana: YO PEACH IS SUCH A BADASS!Ohio: SEE???Indiana: Zelda’s still better though.Kentucky: Fox McCloud’s going down.Indiana: Do a barrel roll!Ohio: Shit, I want tea.Kentucky: Then make some!Ohio: Okay! Jeez, don’t yell at me.

Indiana: Where did Mr. Game and Watch even come from?Ohio: Hell.Kentucky: Actually, there’s a series of handheld games-Indiana: Shut up nerd!

*Subspace bomb factory*Indiana: American weapons storage.*the entire factory blows up*Kentucky:… American weapons storage.Ohio: It’s us when we try to get together for holidays.

Ohio: Kirby rides in on a fucking dragon to save the day!Indiana: Sakurai showing clear favoritism for his children.Kentucky: Virginia made West a pepperoni roll once and when I asked for one she told me that I could starve.Ohio: GUYS IT WASN’T MASTER HAND IT’S THIS ASSHOLE OLD MAN LOOKING GUY AND BOWSER’S DEAD STOP HAVING FEELINGS AND GET YOUR HEADS IN THE GAME!

*Everyone dies*Indiana: I want butterfly wings that kill people.Kentucky: Evolve and grow them.Indiana: Good idea.Ohio: LUCAS NOOOOOOO!

*Dedede, Ness, and Luigi**Ohio walks in dressed as King Dedede, Indiana’s dressed as Ness, and Kentucky is dressed as Luigi*Kentucky: I still think I should have done sexy Luigi, but whatever.Indiana: Ohio, say it.Ohio: I’m not going to say it, fuck off.Indiana: Say it.Ohio: No!Indiana: SAY IT.Ohio: I’m gonna clobber that there Kirby.Kentucky: That’s mama Luigi to you!Indiana: Fuck, Ness doesn’t have any funny lines. Ohio: Can we please play the game now?Indiana, clearly excited: OKEY

*Great Maze*Indiana: You’re going the wrong way!Ohio: You’re hogging the remote! Let Kentucky play!Kentucky: That’s the wrong door!*they start screeching at each other. Minnesota walks into the room about to say something, shakes his head, and leaves.*

*Tabuu fight*Kentucky: I’m vibing with this music.Ohio: Don’t try and sound young, we all know you’re old as fuck.Indiana: Ohio if you don’t stop dying I’m going to throw you out a window.Kentucky: SONIC SPEED! *proceeds to die* GOSH DARN IT!Indiana: WHY ARE YOU USING SONIC?Kentucky: HE WAS RIGHT THERE I HAD TO!*they die about twelve more times, but only one makes the final cut. At some point they beat the game*

Indiana: This was cute. I really liked the relationships in it.Ohio: Yeah, shame we’ll never get a wholesome and fulfilling story mode again, right guys?Kentucky: *plays the Smash Ultimate theme on the xylophone.*Indiana: I’ll go get my Switch.Ohio: You better.Indiana: I’ll hit you.Ohio: You’re in my house, that’s assault.*Indiana kicks Ohio out of his chair. The video cuts for the last time*

[tokumusume]

tokumusume’s list of best and worst movies and dramas watched in 2019:

There’s a new category this year. Inspired by kpopalypse, welcome the Honorable Mentions! Movies that weren’t exactly bad but also weren’t good. Movies and dramas are qualified to enter if I watched them for the first time this year, not that they were released this year. Click on ‘keep reading’~~

Best Movies:

1.      Parasite

Another masterpiece from the director of Snowpiercer (let’s pretend Okja never existed). A poor family con their way to a rich household. Choi Woo-Shik from The Witch (see below) is the eldest son and mastermind, fabulous as always. Definitely the best movie of this year. For me, movie of the decade.

2.      The Witch Part 1 The Subversion

This movie is amazing, hard to describe without spoilers. A perfect mix of Stranger Things and Hanna. Choi Woo-Shik can come to my house and kick my ass anytime. I can’t wait for part two.

3.      Death Trance

Visually stunning, kinda like Amemiya Keita’s style in early Garo or Mad Max. I wish the movie was longer and the characters were better fleshed out, Ryuen the monk and the little girl had so much potential... The most interesting thing about this movie is how sexualized the main male character is compared to the female ones, and apparently, the swords were designed to look like veiny penises (can’t find a source for this info), and yes, they do look like veiny penises. The final showdown is heavy with sexual energy. Have I already said that Ryuen deserved better? #RyuenRights

4.      Gintama 2: Rules are made to be broken

The barber shop scene is a fucking cinematic masterpiece. I never laughed so much like I did with this movie. The way it doesn’t take itself seriously, the meta jokes, everything is perfect. Even better than the first one.

5.      Kingdom

While I think that some fight scenes were way too long (like the bamboo forest one), the dynamics between Shin and Hyou/Eisei were highly entertaining, at least in my shipper eyes. I like that (SPOILER) the King of the Mountain People is a woman and not once they try to call her Queen. She is a King. Hashimoto Kanna is adorable as a Ten, Kanata Hongo does a great job as Eisei’s psycho brother, Sakaguchi Tak waves his sword around, the usual stuff but with added layers of dirt and sweat.

6.      Bravestorm

A movie I lovingly call “Japanese Pacific Rim”. Full of Kamen Rider stars (Hino Eiji! Misuzawa Haruka! That girl from Heisei Generations, the one with a sword! She has a sword in this as well!) and giant robots (god, I love giant robots!), I waited so much for this movie and it exceeded my expectations. I just wish I could’ve watched in theaters, it had a limited showing in my country.

7.      Twelve Suicidal Children

What begins as a murder mystery ends with a twist you won’t see coming. All of the actors are amazing, but special mention to Sugisaki Hana and that guy from that one boy group I forgot the name but can’t be bothered to Google.

8.      Gakkou Gurashi

Four girls and their teacher try to survive the zombie apocalypse trapped inside the school. This one destroyed me for days.

9.      Forest of Love

I’ve watched some Sono Sion movies but nothing prepared me for this. Be aware of extremely gory sequences and sensitive topics. Hinami Kyoko is so amazing as blue-haired, punk girl crush Taeko that I totally didn’t notice she was AkibaBlue in Akibaranger.

10.  The Host

After watching Parasite I decided to go on a Bong Joon Ho binge and watched this horror movie. Not as good as Snowpiercer and Parasite in my opinion but heart-wrenching nevertheless. The little girl is the star of the movie.

11.  The Hungry Lion

A story about the dangers of social media and slut-shaming. I want to punch Mizuishi Atom in the face.

12.  Cromartie High

A little absurd comedy about yakuza-style high school boys (played by middle-aged men lol) forming a club to battle aliens summoned by themselves just because. It made me laugh like a child. A hidden gem.

Honorable Mentions:

1.      River’s Edge

Depressing as fuck. Warning: the cats die. It’s not graphic but it’s traumatizing. Yoshizawa Ryo is a gay boy who sleeps with old men for money. There’s a graphic sex scene (not Yoshizawa, sadly) where my only thought was “That thing is gonna get stuck in there! Use a condom!” Can’t remember much from it except for these three scenes.

2.      The Disastrous Life of Saiki K

Yamazaki Kento has the acting chops of a dead fish but it comes handy for playing a teen with psychic abilities and zero social skills. Hashimoto Kanna is one of the prettiest girls in Japan. Yoshizawa Ryo with white and blueish hair looks more like Sakata Gintoki than Oguri Shun in the Gintama live action. The end is a huge let down but the fun ride is worth it.

3.      Ano ko no, Toriko

Congratulations to Yoshizawa Ryo, he has FIVE movies in my list of favorite movies this year! This is to make up for crowning GIVER as the biggest waste of time of 2018, this list is totally not biased, lol. “Ano ko” could be just another romance movie but the (very) little insight into how the entertainment industry works and not focusing on school life made me love it. Poor Sugino Yosuke being left behind again, when will this boy get the main girl?

4.      Monstrum

It doesn’t reinvent the wheel but it’s pleasant enough to fill a rainy afternoon with a lot of blood and spilled guts. Hyeri of Girl’s Day is the heroine and Choi Woo Shik is the commander she falls in love with.

5.      Weirdo Go

I confess I watched this one just to see Ji Li (aka my snake son Nie Huaisang) dressed as a woman but it was enjoyable and not that problematic.

6.      Real - Kanzen Naru Kubinagaryu no Hi

Directed by the same guy that did “Creepy” and “Before we vanish”, there are lots of twists you won’t see coming. And a dinosaur. A fucking dinosaur.

7.      Tomodachi Game: The Final

The movie loses its focus halfway through then picks up again minutes before ending. Yoshizawa Ryo delivers again as the sadistic Yuuichi, much like his role in Gintama. The plot twists are the star of the movie.

8.     The Living Dead

Sorry Wen Ning. I saw the plot twist coming in the first 30 minutes of the movie, not very smart of the writer. His personality did a 180° turn for worse and I’ll demote the movie to an honorable mention for it. Gao Han is cute though, I would like to see him as a better character.

9.      Backstreet Girls

Some recycled scenes from the drama to situate the viewers, a completely new story for the movie, it is certainly funny and enjoyable, if you can get past the forced gender reassignment surgery background and transphobic jokes (you shouldn’t get past it btw). I like the soundtrack.

Best Dramas:

1.      The Untamed

Do I need to say more?

2.      The Tale of Nokdu

This Korean romance had everything to be a mess but it wasn’t!!! *claps* I don’t hate the main female character and the whole palace politics actually kept me interested until the end. The complete shift of atmosphere mid-season was strange at first but ultimately very welcomed.

3.      The Naked Director

Netflix original Japanese content is amazing. This one is a look at the life of a legendary porn director in the late 80s, I learned a lot about the history of Japanese porn and censorship (yay pixels!) and went looking for his, erm, works. Very graphic, 69/10 don’t recommend watching with people in the house.

4.      Channel wa Sonomama!

I don’t remember it well but it’s about a news station and what is like to be a journalist and it was very interesting and funny.

5.      SCAMS

Forgettable. Sugino Yosuke with black hair cons old people via phone calls.

Worst Movies and Dramas:

1.      The cat in their arms

The cats spend 90% of the movie in human forms, and halfway through it they simply abandon the cats’ plot to show a fucking long montage of a weird guy painting a picture of a nude girl. It’s also super creepy to see a grown-up man acting like a cat, getting belly rubs and eating cat food from a bowl. Yoshizawa needs to choose his roles more wisely.

2.      Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun

A waste of Suda Masaki’s talent. Can Japan stop casting Tsuchiya Tao already?

3.      Samurai Marathon

Almost two hours of dirty men running through a forest. Maybe Japanese History experts will enjoy it, because I certainly didn’t.

4.      Lady Vengeance

While there are legit great moments, I didn’t find this “classic” to be anything special. The animal cruelty was too much for me.

5.      Hot Gimmick

This movie makes Bohemian Rhapsody’s editing look like a work of art. There are more flashing cuts than a T-ARA music video. I have no idea who likes who, who’s banging who, what even are they saying. Too much poetic shit for my like. I wanted to see Shimizu Hiroya naked. I was bamboozled.

6.      The Divine Fury

While some parts were interesting, at the end I still don’t know if the protagonist is possessed by a demon (if yes, then why would he help a priest destroy his friends?) or if he was blessed by God when his father died and talked to him (the glowing hand thing, why and how??). The exorcism parts are really, really scary, or maybe I’m just a chicken, but I had to avert my eyes. The best (only) part is that the protagonists are hot. Hello Woo Do-Hwan, you can sacrifice me to Satan any time…

[lovebanqtan]

Kim Seokjin As A BoyFriend

a/n= a little bit of angst, discussion of sex, and BDSM. also, I hate writing in 3rd person please forgive me if this is bad.

- You rely on each other very much.

- You never really know how much he relies on you until either, until its one of those days where Hobi be giving out that hard ass choreography, and as your standing in the corner of the dance studio, watching your loving boyfriend giving it his all and still not getting it

-You feel heartbroken.

-Hobi is being relentless on him, and finally, you snap. Even seeing poor little Jungkook breathless. 

-”Break Hobi. You got everyone worn out. Not everyone has as much stamina.” You sigh, walking up to a sulking Jin. 

-”I just don’t see what I’m doing wrong, I’m doing exactly what he’s doing and I’m getting different results.” He sighs. Pressing his sweaty body into your shoulder. 

“You are doing just fine from what I saw. Just give it 10% more and I bet you’d be perfect.” You quote him from when you were stressing over exams. Causing him to choke on his water. 

-And that's exactly what he does. Gives it 10% more and before you know it, Hoseok is jumping up and down giddy at how good practice went. Jin with his arm slung around your shoulder walking out of the studio with the rest of the boys. Each going their separate ways. 

-Besides relying on each other, he is very comforting. Even when you were still best friends. Like the time when your dog, Sammy ran away and you saw it got hit by a car, after halfway eating your weight in ice cream, you decided to call Jin. 

-He didn’t even say anything, he showed up half an hour later at the door with your favorites and a movie in hand. He understood you so well and just let you cry it out while he just talked about his day.

-You might be thinking.”Talked about his day?” Isn't that selfish?

-No. It helped because it distracted.

-”Ahh. Today, I cooked this delicious ramen, and I sat it on the table right to get a drink. And when I came back it was gone? So like what the hell? Who stole my ramen right?” 

-He made you laugh eventually.

-And when he has bad days good lord be prepared. You will have to make him talk to you. 

-”Babe, please tell me what's wrong..” I plead.

-”I swear its nothing.” he keeps scrolling through his phone, reflection of words in his eyes. 

-Okay if its nothing then why you look like you going to cry.

-”Fine then. You won’t talk to me, I won’t talk to you either.” I stand up and head toward the bedroom. 

-Packing your stuff for the night, you packed them in a drawstring bag and dragged it to the guest room. 

-”You can have the bedroom. I’ll be sleeping in the guest room till you tell me what's wrong.” I smile evilly.

- He sighs and pats the cushion next to him. Telling you everything in his day, and apparently, none of you had a good day. Which led you both to feeling bad for each other, so he cuddled you until his arms were numb.

-Also did someone says romantic?

-Kim Seokjin is the definition of romantic in your book.

-You hurt or sick? He carries you to where you need to go and makes your favorite food from your childhood.

“KIM SEOKJIN I SWEAR TO GOD PUT ME DOWN!” You screamed, waking up the whole dorm.

-You're depressed? He will cuddle you and watch Disney movies. And will totally help you eat that gallon of ice cream so you don’t feel the guilt in the hour. He’ll play with your hair, and if you go out and see anything, literally anything you want to the extremities of a tiger. He will buy it just to make you feel better. 

-You're insecure? He will make it his last dying wish to make it what you're most confident about.

-”Baby your so beautiful, I don’t know what you're talking about.” He whispered kissing your head.

-”You don’t see it? You're crazy then because all your fans do, and the people on the street do, and I don’t know why you like me.” You sobbed into his chest before turning and lying on your back. Basically choking on your cries.

-“The only one crazy here is you for listening to them, who you calling crazy. They are just jealous of you. You really think someone like me would date someone ugly.” He laughed but hearing your silence worried him. “Baby. You're beautiful, please listen.” He turned you so you would face him, and the tears streaming down your face made him want to cry too.

Wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing you against his chest. “Please believe me when I tell you you're beautiful.”

- He loves you for you and would never want you to change.

-He would probably ask to go shopping with you a lot, or just go buy himself and buy you stuff. Like, let's say your favorite artist just came out with a fragrance line. Boom! You get new jewelry every week, and honestly, you don’t know why because you only wear it to his award shows.

-The public knows about you because of you. You walked in on him filming an EatJin! which was normal behavior. Except instead of saying “hey bestie!” you said “babe can I have a bite-” and Jin was the definition of the dead inside as his views passed 30 million and all the comments were talking about you.

-But we haven’t answered the question yet...

-How is the boy in bed? 

-half of you guys just choked I know

- but for real big dick line rise up

- Jin is a major switch. So that works out most of the time.

-He can go from a major pain in the ass dom to an obedient sub.

-But when he’s a dom, he’s not that kinky on any given day, but on the 1/7 day, god bless your soul.

-Like he has a chest under your bed, just for when he’s like this. In this chest is, a bunch of silk ties (got to be gentle with your skin because now the world sees you too), blindfolds, (more specifically for him, you had brought it up and he nearly choked. but once you tried it using one of his ties, he came so quick, without you even touching him properly) a vibrator, (mostly used for your punishments?? but was given as a rewards once or twice you remember). There's more in there, you know that but you haven’t used it yet.

-On the days he’s not a BDSM master, he’s a giver in the bedroom. What I mean by this is

-Before you go to bed you have to have cum at least twice, with his fingers or his tongue and you're mad about that because he won’t let you touch him until morning. But it doesn’t mean you’ll tell him to stop. 

-If he’s hella tired after a long day at the dance studio, or recording. Or he just got back from tour. He’ll use the vibrator but make you cum five times, and you just lay there moaning with a fucked out look on your face, twitching from overstim. But even if he’s tired he’ll still take away, 

-you don’t even bring it up to him. Just laying in bed, invested in your poetry book Namjoon recommended to you. Suddenly a warm hand snakes up your thigh, and warm lips pressed to your neck. 

-How does this boy feel about PDA? 

-Now that it's like known to the world that he’s yours, and you are his. He doesn’t mind. He’ll want you to flex his hickeys to be all over Soompi. And he’ll flex his back scratches, wearing a see-through button up in his next interview. 

-Purposely turning around to ask Jungkook a question, and when the Interviewer asks what they are with a shocked as fuck look on her face. He’d blush and look at you flexing your hickeys behind the camera. And suddenly he’d gain the confidence and say. “My girl gave them to me.” And he’d smile confidently, as the interviewer looked horrified.

- He’s not afraid to kiss you in public, in fact, he asked you out in an amusement park as you were clinging to death on his arm on the Ferris wheel, and his asshole self kept rocking the bench. You cussed him out then and there.

-Smiling at your cuteness, he pulled down his mask and kissed your cold nose, in the winter air. “You're so cute, I honestly think your the only one compatible to date me.” He laughed before pulling up his mask. You were shocked and confused. You questioned your hearing. 

-It shocked you so much that you lost your grip on his arm and he continued to shake the bench causing you to call him an asshole and proceeded to grip onto his arm, until the end of the ride that he made you get on.

- After getting on the ride, you both stop at a place. That has a giant red neon sign.

“C-Co. Coco-Cola. See I’m getting nearly as good as Namjoon!” He laughs his classic windshield wiper laugh.

- Sitting down inside the warm cafe, you look him in the eye. Trying to decipher him. Was he joking? Was he lying?

-”Jin?” You ask cautiously, taking a sip of your iced coffee.

- “Yes?” Turning to you, he smiles. He has one straw in his mouth, sipping a cherry cola. 

-Before you answer, you think back. Jin is not the player type. In fact, since you in 5th grade, he’s dated, 4 girls. They either broke up with him because he refused to have sex in 7th grade with a girl who most likely had an std at that point. (good choice jin) Or he broke up with them because he lost feelings.

-You can’t really blame him. But what if he was just joking and you end up embarrassing yourself?

-”You gonna ask or keep staring at me?” he laughs again. The food has come now, my favorite American food. 

-”My bad. It's just, I can’t tell if you were being serious or not earlier, and I didn’t want to get my feelings hurt.” You turn away your face red with embarrassment.

-Suddenly he bursts out laughing in that classical windshield wiper laugh.

-“Oh my god, you're so oblivious!” He cries out between laughs, the restaurant looking at him, as he just yelled out Korean. 

-“What?” I ask.

-“When I lost feelings for Aemin, I caught feelings for you, and I thought I had been hinting all this time, especially on the Ferris wheel, but you are so dense!” He laughs hitting his knees.

-I start to laugh too. Realizing my best friend since 5th grade just confessed he liked me, and I have liked him since I can’t remember. And since you told him you liked him too. You started to be inseparable. But especially when he asked you to date him, and you started to cry happy tears. 

-You haven’t been separated since.

[fathertaurus]

Kitten ~ part 3

this isn’t absolute trash?? suddenly I can write again. I hope you guys aren’t to upset with the end 😳. enjoy!

A few weeks have passed, during this time you brought a camera and officially joined the vlog squad. Your welcoming surprised went as expected, you were absolutely terrified of the giant snake David brought in. So scared you cried for about 10 minutes and then shot him with the paintball gun. You also filmed with Carly, Erin, and Kristen a lot while the boys went and did stupid stuff. You brought them to the club you worked at, Amber Rose’s, and you introduced them to your friends and even made them honorary Amber Roses. All the girls have seen you practice and perform a dance and you even started teaching them some moves. You met Trisha and bonded over dancing which struck up a sister relationship between you two. Your YouTube channel was doing really good thanks to your friends and fans, you had more friends than you did last month and over all life was going good for you. You were practicing a little bit for tonight when your phone started going off, text messages from the group chat coming in:

Friday Oct. 12, 2018

Vlog Squad

Toddy: what’s the plan for tonight?

Carly: thought we agreed Monday, going to the club.

Corinna: I literally just told him

Zane: he just needed confirmation

Heath: trust issues

Erin: 😂😂😂

Corinna: that’s not funny cause it’s true

Dom: aye can I smoke at the club?

Kristen: no, no smoking allowed

Dom: DAMNIT

Alex: I thought you weren’t going?

Dave: yeah I thought you had a date.

Scott: Dom a date?

Jason: she’s probably 17

You: let’s not make jokes about Dom dating underage girls

Alex: oh look it’s the controversy police

Carly: you guys are on mute yet still annoy me

You: club opens at 9

Kristen: me, Carly, Erin, and Corinna are coming to yours

You: kk

Erin: okay

Toddy: wait why do they get to go to yours?

Corinna: because she likes us more and you guys would drink all her vodka

You silenced your phone and started stretching, once you were done you started doing pole warm ups. You climb the pole and slide back down, twirl and other things. You put on the song you were performing to tonight, and after about an hour of practice you heard knocking at the door. Opening it you find the girls and open the door wider for them.

“Geez dude, you’re sweaty” said Corinna walking straight for the couch.

“Yeah, just finished practicing. I’m gonna take a shower, make yourselves at home.” you quickly make your way to the bathroom and take a shower, you wash and shave everything. Once you get out you moisturize your whole body. You decide to get dressed here that way you aren’t fighting for room in the club. You wrap yourself in a robe and take all your makeup to the living room and start your makeup. You guys talk about the song you’re dancing too, what you’re wearing, about Todd and Corinna, and Scott and Kristen. When you start talking about relationships you think back on David, how you two almost kissed. You started thinking about why you were so willing to kiss this guy you barely knew, wondered what he felt about the whole thing. You quickly finished your makeup and went back to your room to get dressed, you slip on a black lace lingerie set. You throw on a random shirt and pair of shorts over it and put on your thigh high leather boots, you grab a random black fur coat from your closet and walk back out.

“Alright ladies, shots!” you shout towards the living room while making your way to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of vodka and some shot glasses.

“I’m the D.D.” said Erin, you nod and pour shots for the rest of the girls.

“To y/n, we hope you make at least $20k tonight.” says Corrina raising her shot glass, making you laugh.

“I’ve never made even close to that much, but hey let’s hope, momma wants a new car.” you take the shot glass to your lips and toss it back and slam the glass back down pouring another one. Once you’ve all finished taking your shots you grab your duffle bag with a change of clothes and you phone and charger.

“Okay let’s go.” says Kristen heading for the door. Soon enough you’re all in Erin’s car heading to the club, singing loudly to music and posting each other on your instagram and snapchat stories. You open snaps from Zane of the boys filming and drinking and send him some back of the girls singing in the car. You arrive at the club and go straight for the locker rooms while the girls go and get a table big enough for everyone and order drinks. You make rounds giving people quick lap dances, shoving the money in your bra. You’ve been there for about 30 minutes and just finished giving a bachelor a lap dance when you see the boys walk in, Jason and Trisha trailing behind. You walk over to the table and start dancing on Trisha and she tucks a hundred dollar bill under your bra strap.

“This is such a cute outfit, oh my god!” she yells over the music and you laugh along with everyone else. You go back to dancing for other people. You have about 20 minutes before you’re supposed to perform and then give private dances and then you’re done for the night. You make your way back to the locker room to freshen up and count your money, you’re about halfway through counting when Ms. Amber walks up to you.

“Hey, we need to talk.” she says sounding serious.

“Is everything okay?” you ask, your body tenses as you sit up already thinking the worst.

“Well, there’s a guy out there? He’s offering to pay triple for all 6 slots for your private dances? It’s fine but i want to make sure he’s not some crazy stalker or anything before I agree because that’s unusual.” she says, laughing a little. You relax but then tense again wondering who the hell it could be.

“Uh, where is he?” you ask, she motions for you to follow her. You stand and walk out the locker room and peek around the corner. Standing at the end of the hall is David, you let out a huge sigh.

“You know him?” Ms. Amber ask turning towards you and you nod.

“Yeah, and I’m gonna kick his ass.” you say turning back to the locker room, “Give it to him, round it off to $6k. He can afford it.” you walk back into the locker room. You change into a different outfit, a crystal studded bra and white lacy panties and diamond covered thigh highs. You walk towards the stage and wait for your cue.

“Alright! Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to put your hands together and scream for Amber Rose’s one and only: Kitten!” the DJ shouts the the mic. The beginning of ‘Money’ by Cardi B started and you walked out towards the stage going straight to the front towards the pole.

‘Look, my bitches all bad, my ni**as all real I ride on his dick, in some big tall heels’

You wrap a hand around the pole walking in a circle and lifting up one foot. ‘Big fat checks, big large bills. Front, I’ll flip like ten cartwheels’

You lift your other foot, your back against the pole and swing your legs back and forth then drop to your knees. ‘Cold ass bitch, I give broads chills. Ten different looks and my looks all kill. I kiss him in the mouth, I feel all grills. He eat in the car, that’s meals on wheels’

You whip your head around and crawl towards the edge of the stage as the chorus starts. You sit up on your knees and run your hands up and down your body, you allow people to put money in the band of your bottoms and straps if your bra, money is being thrown through the air on the stage. You stand up and make your way to the pole, you look into the crowd noticing that the group has now moved closer to the stage, all of them have their phones or cameras out and are cheering for you. You blush deeply and smile at them, you  wrap your legs around and climbing up the pole. Once you’re halfway up you start doing flips and twirls. As the second verse ends and the chorus begins again you drop into a split on the floor, the song fades out and you stand. The crowd cheers and more money goes flying through the air. You collect the money from the stage and rush back to the locker room.

You shove all the money into your duffle bag and freshen up once again, you throw on your coat and grab your bag and go back out to find Ms. Amber.

Once you find her by the bar she hands you an envelope of money, “Room 210, good luck. Brody will be just down the hall, scream if you need him.” she says.

“I’ll be fine, I know him.” you say giving her a smile. You walk up stairs and make your way to the room, you open the envelope and count the money making sure all of it’s there. You stop right in front of the door and open it, finding David sitting by the window.

“Well, I guess you really can afford me for a whole night.” you say, walking in you close the door and drop your bag on the floor.

“You know, $1,800 times three, that doesn’t equal $6k.” he says looking up at you.

“Yep, comes out to $5,400. But since you can afford me- 'every night for a year’ was it? I figured you wouldn’t miss a few hundred.” you say walking closer to him.

“I won’t, but I don’t appreciate it.” he say, he sits up straighter in his seat, his hands reach out and grab your coat pulling you closer to him. You follow his pull and he slides his hands from your coat to your hips and guides you to straddle him. You wrap your arms around his neck, hands going to play in the back of his hair.

“Want me to make up for it?” you whisper, leaning forward. He leans forward to, your lips barely touching.

“Mhm, and I think I know how.” he mumbles, he presses your lips together in a soft kiss, but the softness doesn’t last long. It quickly turns desperate, teeth clashing and tongues fighting for dominance. One of his hands leaves your hip and wraps in your hair pulling back, he kisses down your neck biting and making you gasp out.

“Let me dance for you.” you whimper. You’ve thought about putting on a show just for David ever since that day, you wanted to show him what you could do.

He hums, still kissing your neck. “I have a better idea.” he pulls away and stands up, your legs wrapping around his waist. “I’m gonna keep kissing you, because you taste fucking amazing, and then I’ll leave, back to our friends. You wait here until the 30 minutes are up and then I’ll get my money’s worth back at my house. Sound good?” he presses your back against the wall and starts kissing your jaw.

“Wh-what about everyone else?” you moan out, hands coming back into his hair and tugging.

“Mm, they’re still partying, I have to edit and you’re tired so I’ll take you home. Natalie’s at a friend’s tonight so we’ll have the whole place to ourselves.” he mumbles against your jaw.

“O-okay.” With that, he smashes your lips together once more, his tongue slides past and imediately takes control. You start grinding against him trying to get some relief. He growls against your lips and presses into. He quickly pulls away and drops your legs, helping you stand on your feet, his hands come up and cup your cheeks and he presses soft kisses to your lips.

“I’ll see you in ten minutes.” he says with one last kiss, he walks to the door and leaves. You stand there, collect yourself and thinking about what just happened. 'Am I really going to go to David’s and dance for him? Did we really make out right now? This is really happening!?’ you think.

You eventually calm down and fix yourself up, you rub lipgloss on your lips so no one would notice that they’re red and fix your hair and clothes. You grab your bag and make your way down back to the main floor, you navigate your way to your friends table. Once they see you they start cheering and you can’t help but let a smile break across your face, but remember to play like you’re tired.

“Look at our little Kitten!” shouts Heath.

“You looked so fucking good up there baby!” Zane yells right after. Soon everyone is yelling over each other, giving you praises.

“How much did you make?” asks Trisha, you shrug your shoulders.

“I haven’t counted everything, but at least $5k.” you say, your eyes shoot to David’s and he bites his lip.

“Jesus I make that in a week.” says Alex, making everyone laugh. You lay your head on Trisha’s shoulder.

“Tired?” says Kristen and you nod your head.

“We can go?” offers Erin, but David jumps in.

“I can take her. You guys are enjoying yourselves and I need to edit anyways.” he says, waving around his camera. Erin nods and turns back to Carly.

“Take care of my baby!” shouts Zane.

“Yeah, if she’s not home safe, I’m gonna make sure you don’t have kids.” adds in Kristen, making the group break out in laughter once again and David roll his eyes. You both say goodbye to everyone and rush out the club to David’s car. Once at the car he presses you against your door and kisses you, you moan and grind against him, hands curling in his hair. He pulls away and leaves wet kisses down your neck.

“You gonna be good for me tonight?” he asks in between kisses.

“Yes..” you whisper.

“Yes what?” he asks, lips stopping and hands gripping your hips.

“Yes daddy.” you whine, he groans and goes back to your lips, kissing you hard.

“Good girl. Get in the car.” he pulls away and opens the door, ushering you inside. He goes to his side of the car and gets in and turns to you, “Are you sure about this?”

“David.” you say, and he looks at you waiting for you to continue. You reach your hand up to his cheek and pull him down to give him one more kiss. “Drive.”

He nods his head and starts the car, pulling out of his parking space and speeding to his house.

[msmoonicorn]

Simon didn't say...

omg, you guys... OK. So. I've started playing D&D regularly, right? Probably haven't updated you on that...because..I'm the worst.

Anyway!

So, I've been playing with decent regularity since February. Every Tuesday, I'm at a local Magic Arena that also hosts tabletop gaming nights. They ask you which game you want to play and tell you who's meeting at what times/days for that game. So if you want D&D 5e, this is when they play. If you want Pathfinder, this is when they play, etc, etc. It's a $5 charge every time you show up to game, and $1 goes to the DM and the rest goes into a party fund. That way if we want to do something special with party funds, we can!

My DM's an awesome guy, and we were playing his homebrew, but then... Saltmarsh came out. And we were all really into the idea of doing Saltmarsh. SO. We used party funds to buy Saltmarsh, and at a point when we were kind of lulling in our regular campaign, the DM was like, "Hey, let's do Saltmarsh". We all made characters for Saltmarsh, and it's been a ride.

Tonight, I'm writing, because zomg the stress.

So, here's the roster, ok?

Zach - 42. A Warforged monk with no memory of his past before he arrived with us at Saltmarsh. We call him Captain Salty Seafist, because he spent a lot of his free time working the docks and has a bit of a sea-dog accent(?) now. He was the captain of our first ship, but we now have two ships so... I guess he's the admiral.

Addy - Fey. A fey. She's.... she's just a fey. They homebrewed her a race to play and she has a bunch of abilities, but nothing for combat...except she can summon creatures that help her by fighting. Other than that, she's all healing, utilities, and reaction.

BP - Frovax. Dragonborn warlock, hexblade. I don't know this guy's name.. Still. He's been playing with us for a few weeks. But I still can't remember his name. His wife used to play with us...

Wifu - Kvisa. Barbarian woman. Bloodythirsty ditz. Really intent on killing Lizardfolk because they whiped out her tribe and she's the last of them. She was playing with us regularly, but then classes started up, and now her Barbarian girl is just...gone. Whatever. She was going to be a problem because she wanted to kill all the Lizardfolk. It's probably better this way.

Bear - Fresca Goosberry, the Inquisitor of Kelemvor...really he's a deluded warlock that thinks he's a cleric. He has a cult now, because he's been proselytizing, and the converted become his cultists. Three of those cultists actually survived our hydra fight, though, and they have class stats now :)

New Guy - a tiefling ranger... he's so new, we literally met him today. He has no name for his character, but his big-play seems to be that he wants to cover himself in some form of alcohol and light himself on fire since he's fire resistant... I've tried to explain that resistance doesn't equal immunity, but whatever. Rule of cool I guess.

Me - Simon. Half Drow bard, college of whispers. Bit of a man-whore, but he's into that free love thing. Usually sends letters with extra gold back to his dads. Yes. Dads. More on that later (maybe). I've described him as having a leather vest over a poofy white shirt and really tight pants... rocking that David Bowie vibe from the Labyrinth (if you know what I mean [you know what I mean]). He got a long oil-skin green coat with lots of pockets from one of the adventurers. One of my favorite lines thus far...

  So we meet this guy right? He says if he's staying with us he'd like a weapon to defend himself. 42, the warforged, detaches his pinkie and gives it to him since every part of his body is a weapon. The guys looks at the pinkie and asks what he's supposed to do with that, and Simon says, "Well... I've done a whole lot more with a whole lot less ;)"

So, I'm Simon, right? He hasn't necessarily fit in well with the group, but he hasn't rocked the boat (lol).....I mean, he's been neutral enough to go along for the ride. But joy of joys...tonight, we transitioned from Murder Hobos(TM) to actual negotiators. Simon really likes having friends on all sides, so that was definitely more his speed. Don't get me wrong, he enjoyed straddling a ballista and bullseyeing a Hyrdra with 40+ damage, but this is the sort of group that usually wants to attack everything before finding out what's going on. Anyway. Tonight, we talked to the Lizardfolk. Right away, our swamp druid, Bog, tries to just fight them outright. The new guy, a teifling ranger who hasn't even decided on his name yet, also was in to fight. But Frovax our Dragonborn Warlock stepped up and talked everyone down with a mixture of common and draconic and his high-ass charisma. While we were being escorted by the soldiers to a holding area, hatchlings came up and clung to Simon, and he gave them piggyback rides and played with them. It was great. Finally, the Queen shows up(we later learned that she's Queen Othokent), and we convince her that we'er here from Saltmarsh, because they're worried that the Lizardfolk building up weapons means they're about to attack. Simon mentioned that he heard that they're having problems with the Sahuagin. She got suspicious, but we managed to convince her that we boarded a ship that was full of smugglers and they mentioned the sahuagin. Bog even added to it by saying he killed the men on the ship for what they did to the Lizardfolk, pulling out an arm and returning it to the tribe. As a druid of the swamp, his main concern is with the swamp. Something he said in Druidic. This struck a chord with..I think he was like a wiseman or shaman or something, but he functions like a druid enough to understand it... I think his name was Sauriv. So, we were allowed to stay with the Lizardfolk in their lair for the night to prove ourselves. So, Fresca (a warlock who thinks he's a cleric) is trying to proselytize...but he doesn't speak the language, so no one understands him even if he is captivating with his high charisma. The Ranger and Frovax brought some of the soldiers to our ship to supply them with weapons. Bog bunkered down with Sauriv (Wiseman?), and taught some of their people the ways of a swamp druid. And Simon found the ladies that were taking care of the hatchlings and made himself useful as a baby sitter. He has this pipe that he got; it's called a pipe of remembrance. When he uses it, he can make smoke images of his greatest deeds, right? So between his story-telling, performing, and the pipe (showing off the hydra fight), he had the kids (about 18 of them) captivated. The following day, the Queen asked us if we would consider doing something for the tribe. She said a crocodile named Thousand Teeth had been behaving aggressively lately. He's killed many lizardfolk that tried to patrol near his home. If we could find a way to deal with him, she would be grateful. So. We set out. We kill two wandering ogres on our way. I think they were lost, but it's probably a random encounter or whatever. Anyway, we get to Thousand Teeth's lair, and we're set up by two giant constrictor snakes. Simon and Frovax were grappled by the snakes. Simon... wriggled free, losing his pants in the process (still not sure how that happened, but whatevs). The crocodile attacks, first Ranger and then Simon. Fresca gets some distance between them and him, because he works best at range. Then Simon gets attacked again by one of the snakes and falls unconscious....and then is dragged into the water by the snake. Which attacks him, trying to eat him...and he fails 2 death saves.

ಠ_ಠ

Luckily I rolled a 19 for his initial death save, and it kept him from dying outright. The guys finally killed the snake, and Bog cast Lesser Restoration on the mad crocodile, who calmed down. Of course, he also healed Simon, and he had a minimum of 11 HP. He also didn't get poisoned from being in the swamp water because he passed his con save. Bog spoke with Thousand Teeth, determined that he had rabies (convenient), and made peace between him and the lizardfolk.

So, that's all handled, but man! The stress was real. I was about to be very very sad. I mean, maybe these guys are like, "Meh, just make new characters" or whatever, but I don't play characters that I don't like. And I like my blue boy.

But yeah. TLDR: that's the story of how we become ambassadors to the Lizardfolk and rescued an ancient crocodile.

[avengers-nextgen]

First Day Of School

The discussion was brought up by Nathaniel who was already excited for when his niece finally had her first day of school. Granted, it was a while off, he was stoked to get the opportunity to be a cool uncle sending her off with a look of pride.

“Sometimes first days of school aren’t that great,” Scout noted.

“Awe, I thought you liked school,” Orion frowned.

“I do,” Scout admitted, “but my first day was a bad day.”

“What’d you do? Eat glue?” Penny asked, earning a glare from the book worm.

“No,” Scout shook his head, “I missed the bus and had to ride on Uncle Steve’s motorcycle to school. It messed up my hair so I looked like Albert Einstein which the other kids found funny. I wasn’t allowed in the book section without supervision, and then they refused to let me have peanut butter on my celery sticks because of nut alergies. I asked if anyone had nut alergies -they didn’t. Then I had to sit in the corner for being smart with the teacher. And because I wasn’t used to getting in trouble I cried which made the other kids laugh so I cried more.”

“Awe,” Orion pouted, “that actually does suck. Earth education is stupid.”

“Well what was space education like?” Penny asked out of curiosity.

“My first day of school entailed a nice relaxing space ship ride to the campus. There, we played hover hockey which is basically hover ball soccer. We had about two hours of play time a day and even in class it was fun. There were lots of hands on activities. Music was the best though,” Orion grinned.

“Shit, can I have that?” Penny asked.

“What about you? How was your first day?” Orion arched a brow.

“Well, I didn’t know I was dyslexic or that I had ADHD and neither did my parents,” Penny frowned, “so the teacher got pissed over my inability to sit still and not being able to find the desk with my name on it. I mean, I couldn’t really read, none of us could, but most kids could at least recognize their names. Anyways, my day was redeemed when I got to crack into the legos and build a full on replica of a double helix.”

“How does one do that?” Nathaniel snorted.

“With care,” Penny grinned. “Hey Arthur?!”

“Hmm?” The boy asked poking his head out from the kitchen.

“What was your and Chloe’s first day of school?”

“Oh,” Arthur smiled thinly as he made his way to the couch. “We cried our eyes out. The school thought it was best to separate us earlier rather than later. Chloe was absolutely pissed and threw such a large tantrum they had to call our mom to pick her up. “

“That’s actually adorable!” Penny gushed.

“They then moved her back into my class once mom took her to lunch and got her calmed down. Then she pretty much stayed by me and insisted no one mess with her sibling,” Arthur grinned. “I was just shy and nervous. I didn’t really interact with anyone and just hung out with her.”

“Seems stupid they’d seperate you,” Nathaniel shook his head.

“What about you though?” Penny asked looking accusingly at Nathaniel, “you have yet to tell us.”

“My first day of school included me throwing things all over the room from pencils to paper and trying to make baskets or hit fake targets. The principal had to have a talk with my dad because they considered me a threat to the other kids,” Nathaniel laughed. “It was great!”

“What about the others?”

“Why don’t we ask them?” Nathaniel smirked. With that in mind he and the others went knocking on everyone’s door. Curiosity had clearly won over and the stories were too good not to share.

“My first day of school....”James frowned tapping at his chin, “oh I remember now. Well, I got in trouble for climbing on things. I managed to get on top of a filing cabinet. Then, my teacher took issue with me sharpening my carrots with my teeth to make spear heads.”

“You did what?” Orion stammered.

“Hey, my mother thought it was funny,” James shrugged.

“That’s honestly hysterical,” Penny snickered. “What’d they do after that?”

“Essentially kicked me out,” James grinned slyly, “so I got extra summer vacation.”

“You sly dog,” Orion chuckled.

“Hey, just ask Alex what happened with her it’s even better,” James promised.

So they asked her.

“I dropped a set of scissors and I got worried that I’d lose them. When I couldn’t find them I may have picked up the desk with one hand and then managed to collect the scissors with my other. My teacher nearly had a heart attack,” Alex blushed.

“That’s amazing!” Sage cackled, “I would pay to see the look on your teacher’s face!”

“Well I didn’t know what I was doing,” Alex stammered, “I was little and I just wanted to make a picture during craft time.”

“It’s okay,” Sage laughed wiping at her tear filled eyes.

“What about you? You can’t make fun of me if you don’t share your first day,” Alex pouted.

“My first day was what you’d expect from me,” Sage smirked getting a gleam in her eyes, “I caught a lizard on the playground and set it loose in class. I named it Steve. They never found him. Then during lunch I used the spoon for my yougurt to launch raisins at kids. I also pulled a kids pants down after he said I was stupid for thinkig girls could throw. My mom was very unamused at first but when we got in the car she laughed. The school didn’t let me go back.”

“You named a lizard after my dad?” Alex snorted.

“I didn’t even know your dad at the time,” Sage rolled her eyes, “but it seemed fitting.”

“Are you saying my dad is scaly?”

“I mean,” Sage shrugged, “he could be I don’t know.”

“Shut up,” Alex laughed rolling back onto her bed.

“So, nothing about you has changed at all has it?” Arthur asked.

“No, not really.”

After a small lunch break, Nathaniel and his little gang moved on to Siyanda eager to see what the princess’ first day was like.

“I only growled like a cat at people because I didn’t want to be friends with anyone since they annoyed me. I also only ate sitting on the floor. I essentially made myself seem so weird no one wanted to talk to me just so I didn’t have to put up with other people. My parents were mortified,” she explained.

“The amount of commitment,” Scout whistled, “I should take notes.”

“Please don’t start growling like a giant cat,” Orion whined.

“It’s a joke,” Scout assured him.

The next story they heard was that of Fox’s. She showed up with miss matched socks, an inside out shirt, and syrup from waffles on her cheeks. She intimidated the other kids too much for them to actually talk to her and even the teachers weren’t sure what to make of her. While she seemed rather free spirited due to the interesting fashion choices, her eyes could kill.

Enzo, on the other hand, was extremely personable and nearly everyone liked him right away. The only ridiculous thing that happened was him trying to eat the macaroni for the macaroni necklaces his class was making. Apparently it doesn’t taste good.

As for Piper, she had to endure a bunch of odd looks and rapid fire questions. She came home and passed out asleep on the couch from sheer mental exhaustion. After that, Tony put her in a smaller, less overwhelming school.

“I guess as kids with super parents we just have really weird first days,” Penny decided.

“Thankfully Ellie has two very normal parents,” Nathaniel sighed.

“Yeah, but a weird ass uncle,” Arthur teased.

“Oh ha ha,” Nathaniel joked, snaking his arm around Arthur’s shoulders and giving him a good knuckle sandwich. “You remember that this weird uncle is still super cool.”

“Okay, Okay!” Arthur laughed, dropping to his knees to escape the assault. He laid their gasping for air while Nathaniel grinned like a cat.

“I love this family,” Penny sighed.

[wordsaremybestfriends]

Oops: Chapter 1

Hey there! I’m back from the dead and ready to put out another story for y’all! This one is going to be a Mob!Tom AU bc honestly I can’t stop reading all the great content on this site about him... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

[PHOTOS DO NOT BELONG TO ME, but i arranged them and stuff so...]

SUMMARY: Bellamy and her friends have a bit of a history sneaking into parties when they aren’t invited. A night where they crash their biggest event to date, Bellamy finds herself in a spot of trouble that catches Tom’s eyes. With Bellamy trying to remain anonymous in the party, and Tom trying to find a way to keep pleasure and work separate, the two find themselves in more excitement and accidents than either ever imagined. 

TW: alcohol, sexual assault, cursing

If anyone at this party knew that Bellamy was barefoot right now, she wasn’t so sure she’d be able to stay. Granted, she was a party crasher and had no real invite, so being thrown out of the party could happen anytime, but she figured being barefoot at a black tie event was almost as bad.

To be fair, she hadn’t meant to lose her shoes. She’d been in the backseat of the cab that was taking her and James to the front doors of this gala, where security was more numerous than party guests. For the ride, she’d slipped off the shoes to try and find a bit of comfort in the cool May air, but when they finally stopped, she saw the grand entrance of the exclusive venue she would only have dreams of entering. So what if she was a bit starstruck? She lost a pair of shoes, not a human being. There were worse things she could do.

Bellamy lost quite a bit more than just her shoes once she walked through the giant double doors of the ornately decorated ballroom of the lush Garden of Geneva just outside of London. Outside, she was Bellamy Bennett, a broke college graduate that lived paycheck to paycheck with her best friend in a rundown apartment. The girl who carried her camera around daily and made a living as a professional photographer for the highest bidder was forgotten as Bellamy passed over the golden threshold of the elegant venue. She was Elizabeth Lovelace, an heiress from Portugal who liked to spend her days in gilded ballrooms, dancing the night away. Elizabeth, a mysterious and captivating woman that had ideas about the world and society that she occasionally shared with someone who found her interesting enough to start a conversation with her. Elizabeth, who worried only when her champagne glass was empty and left when her feet began to grow tired of dancing. She was the polar opposite of someone like Bellamy, who could barely fathom leaving her precious laptop for an evening to indulge in the art of sneaking into high profile parties whenever the opportunity came about.

This was the fifth party she’d snuck into, and easily one of the most high profile events she’d attended. Instead of the typical cocktail dress and five minute makeover she’d swipe onto her face, she wore a custom ballgown, one that put each of the other dresses in the room to shame. Her friend Jenna, an up and coming designer, had almost peed herself at the opportunity to turn Bellamy into a princess for the evening. She worked nonstop for almost a week, styling the dress in her bedroom and away from prying eyes until it was absolutely and positively finished. What she had emerged with was a baby blue and golden off the shoulder piece of artwork. The poofy ball gown was covered with lace that Jenna had painstakingly sewed into the dress, and seven different skirts of tulle to make it puff out magnificently from her hips. At Jenna’s hand, Bellamy had been turned into a fairytale princess for the night, with elegance and beauty to spare.

Which is definitely not what she was going for when she was trying to sneak in a high profile party like this one.

James, one of her friends she’d snuck in with that evening, had his fingers intertwined with Bellamy’s tight enough to cut off the circulation in them. He was the mastermind behind crashing this party, but now that he was actually on the dance floor, amidst the other rich and intimidating guests, he felt as if he could shit himself.

“This was insane.” He muttered under his breath as he courted Bellamy across the ballroom. “I honestly didn’t think we’d make it this far. I thought we’d be kicked out first thing-”

“Lighten up, kid!” Their other friend, Kenny, says as he appears beside the two with a new flute of champagne in his fingertips. His suit was impeccably pristine, despite having to slip through the servant’s entrance in the back of the gardens. “We’re here, we’re queer, and we’re drinking something other than beer. That’s enough of a reason to celebrate, right?”

The three giggled to one another quietly as they clinked their champagne flutes together and sipped on them. All that needed to happen now was for Jenna to find her way into the party as well, and stick to Bellamy’s side as they relaxed and played pretend for yet another night.

“I’m going to go check on Jenna, since she should be coming in anytime.” Delicately, James untangled his fingers from Bellamy’s, downing the rest of his champagne in one gulp.

“And I’m going to go ask that hot piece of ass if he wants to dance,” Kenny said as he pointed to a particularly attractive man whose biceps made his sleeves look as if they were about to burst. “See you ladies later, yeah?”

“If anything happens, the rendevous is a few blocks away, on 7th and Maple.” Bellamy piped up as she raised her champagne as a farewell to her two friends.

Soon enough, she was left alone amidst the strangers of the party, like a perfect statue on the edge of the room. Her eyes traced the room lazily as she watched people move about one another, socializing and scheming their way through the evening. No one paid much attention to her, other than the few ladies who scowled at how beautiful her dress was and the amount of attention she was surely gathering from the men in the room.

One of her simplest desires was to remain like a fly on the wall wherever she went. She could know much more about someone if she took a few steps away from them, and just watched their actions instead of listen to the facade most put forth. Bellamy loved the authenticity she learned from people around her when they weren’t paying attention.

Like now. Across the ballroom, Bellamy spots a younger man amongst a dozen older men. He smiles and laughs, but the corners of his oak eyes don’t crinkle like they would if he was actually happy. It’s clear that he has a position in the group, and isn’t some straggler that tries to join in with the others. His suit is well fitted to his body, accentuating his muscular body and straight back. Whatever youth and innocence he might exude is completely glossed over by the fact that his presence is one that expresses the notion that he is powerful.

Which is all well and dandy until Bellamy notices the fact that her stare is returned with a sinful smirk that cuts straight to her core.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck…

She quickly turns to hide the growing blush that rises to her cheeks with a few rapid heartbeats. Her skirt dances around her still-bare feet as she struggles to find a reason to move from her position on the wall. James and Kenny are nowhere in sight, and neither is Jenna. Close by is the bathroom, where only a handful of people are standing around, all either entertained by their phones or a glass of half-empty champagne. If she walks quickly enough, she could make it to the bathroom before the man has a chance to break away from the group. She’d have to be careful, of course, with the sheer volume of her gown, but she could potentially make it.

Up ahead, waiters and waitresses start to file out of the kitchens with h’ors de veurs, and even if Bellamy would be excited to eat some fancy shit like gold, she isn’t too pleased to see the path to safety blocked. She can’t spot the oak-colored eyes around her, nor the familiar expressions of her friends, as she loses herself to the crowd.

Until a hand snakes around her stiff waist, and pulls her tightly against the chest of someone behind her.

“Well hello there, pretty lady…” A booze-filled voice breathes against her exposed neck. Their hand goes to secure themselves against the lower half of Bellamy’s stomach, forcing her in place. “What’s yer name, doll?”

Bellamy jams her elbow into the divet of their chest, but the person barely budges. She spins, albeit slightly, to find a man, face tinged with red, towering over her. His fingers curl into the tulle of her dress, threatening to stretch and destroy the stitching that Jenna slaved over.

“Um, it’s none of your business?” She tells him with a stern tone as she struggles against his drunken grip. “Get your hands off of me!”

She struggles for another moment as he breathes out a laugh against her neck. He downs another drink of vodka before grazing his nose against the shell of her ear.

“Got a date here, miss?” He chuckles out, not caring that his grip is slowly growing tighter and tighter against her waist as she digs her fingernails into the fleshy meet of his palm. “Betcha I could getcha goin’ better than they can-”

“Mr. Tiller.”

The voice is british and not necessarily deep, but definitely dark and dangerous. A man stands before her, one with oak colored eyes that have turned dark now, and are clouded over with a deep intensity that makes the man behind Bellamy freeze. He untangles his grip from her with just a mere look at the man before the two, words falling from his lips like a prayer to an unforgiving god.

“H-Holland! I didn’t r-realize s-she was your date-”

“She is not,” The man replies coldly. “But she is certainly not yours.”

Bellamy turns to catch a glimpse of the man’s face clouding over with confusion and anxiety. She can’t stop her hands rising to grasp her elbows and hold her body still from shaking, trying to banish the scent of vodka from her mind.

“I-I didn’t know-”

“Someone with a track record of yours shouldn’t be so careless,” The man she’d seen earlier drawls as he raises a glass of whiskey to his lips to sip gently. “I doubt the public would be pleased to know about the people who have found their way to your bedroom, now would they?”

Mr. Tiller gulps as the blood begins to rush out of his face. “N-No, they would n-not, sir.”

Holland, as the man had said earlier, wasn’t pleased with the man before him. The tension was thick enough to choke Bellamy as she felt the gaze of other guests starting to catch her from the minor suprise much to her dismay.

“Keep your hands to yourself, Bryan.” The cold man tells him sternly with a gaze made of pure fire. “Promises break just as easily as they are made.”

With a final nod, and a curt apology to Bellamy, the sobered up man begins to fade deeper into the crowd, a few men in suits keeping a watchful eye on him. She almost doesn’t want him to leave, just so she wouldn’t have to be alone with the stranger that could make a grown man cower like a preteen in a horror movie.

Beside her, the man raises his whiskey glass once more. He downs a gulp before handing it backward, where a well-dressed man grabs it eagerly and starts to walk off towards the bar. He smiles as Bellamy, and any ounce of intensity that was present only moments before has now melted away to make room for the curiousity from before.

And damn, the curiousity is almost as attractive as the man looks right now.

“Sorry about that,” He says gently. He presses a hand into the pocket of his slacks and looks down at Bellamy, almost bashful. “He’s a handful, really.”

“S-Some men need babysitters,” Bellamy says with a small shrug. “Or at least a lesson in common sense.”

He smiles at her a bit brighter. “Do they cover gazing at strangers from afar as well?”

Bellamy’s face goes bright pink. “I-I’m sorry, I just didn’t realize I was staring! People watching, it’s a h-hobby of mine-”

“You stalk people for a hobby?” He says playfully with a glimmer of mischief in the corner of his eye.

She rolls her eyes. “Well, of course not. It’s just… Just interesting.”

Bellamy pauses long enough to stare up at the man who looks on in wonder at her.

“Interesting how?” He asks.

The young woman looks across the room with a shrug. “I-I don’t know. People are more authentic when they don’t know they’re being watched. They let down guards that they keep up for strangers.”

He nods at her, following her gaze about the bustling ballroom. She knows she has no hopes of finding her friends now in this mess of people, but losing herself in the fray is somewhat peaceful to her.

“And what did you learn from me?” He asked again. He spoke softly, as if he was saying it was fine I didn’t answer him. Without saying, he seemed to understand how out of place I felt.

Secretly, Bellamy hoped he felt the same way as she did.

“Power,” She tells him. “You know you’re powerful. So does everyone around you. Some are frightened by you, but you have the kind of presence that demands respect.”

She watches him from the corner of her eyes,nodding thoughtfully down at her as she continues.

“But, it’s not enough. You don’t feel happy. You just keep searching for something that will make you feel content.”

Bellamy turns back to him, dress brushing against him as she ntoices his eyes were already on her. He’d been watching her the entire time, never faltering as he listened with as much attention as he could stand.  

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He says, offering a hand out to her to shake. “Miss...?”

“Bellamy,” She replies, ignoring the clear dread that fills her when she throws her alter ego away for the moment. What’s the harm? I’ll never see this man again in my life.  “And you are?”

“Tom, darling. Tom Holland.”

His rough hand meets hers, the knuckles broken and scarred from what must be years of fighting or working in construction. They’re oddly soft against hers, a thick gold band wrapped around his pointer finger that has the soft engravement of a family crest she didn’t recognize, an ‘H’ in the center of it. She doesn’t have to wonder whether or not it’s real gold, or whether or not it’s an expensive family heirloom. With a man that wears a suit like the one before her, she’s sure there’s not a thing on him that’s fake.

“Tom!”

A man with a trimmed beard calls to him from across the ballroom. He releases the arm of a man who is twice Tom’s size, wearing a pristine military uniform that could bring a girl to her knees. Bellamy lets her hand slip from Tom’s as the man grows closer, offering a sinister smile at the man beside her.

“Tony,” Tom replies with gritted teeth. Bellamy can see the flicker of his clenched fist beside her, the vein popping out across the back of his hand. “I thought my brothers had already spoke to you.”

The other man, Tony, claps his hand across Tom’s back with a smirk, rubbing his shoulders with a strong grasp. “I told them I’d handle our business together. Wanted to make sure I could see you while we spoke.”

Business? What kind of business?

“I’m sure we could speak about this another time-”

“And look at you, sweetheart!” Tony booms, catching the attention of more partygoers. Some begin to gather around the group, curious to watch the interaction between the two men who obviously don’t seem to mesh well together. “What did Holland here have to do to get you on his hip?”

“Tony-”

“Haven’t seen you before,” He says, releasing Tom’s shoulders to reach forward and extend his hand towards Bellamy. “Tony Stark. Stark Enterprises. Now, did he buy you for tonight, or did the kid finally find someone to reel him in?”

Bellamy almost chokes on her own spit. The genius philanthropist that is in the headlines of science newspapers every other week is standing right in front of her. Sure, he thinks that she’s a prostitute, or some kind of call girl, but the sheer moment is one that she won’t forget.

Tom swats the man’s hand away gently, taking a short step forward to try and shut Tony out from their moment they’d been sharing previously. “Stark. Leave her alone.”

“What, I can’t take a moment to talk to someone?” Tony says with a devilish smirk. “It’s a party, Holland, lighten up.”

Bellamy can’t hide the shake in her finger as she gazes about the ballroom and spots more than a few eyes on her. Even the security guards are staring at her, curious as to who exactly she is. If Tom lets her name slip out, one that isn’t Elizabeth, she’d be toast.

A searing glare rises to Tom’s eyes as he stares holes into Tony’s head. He doesn’t notice, or at least, he doesn’t care, as he places a firm hand on Bellamy’s shoulder.

Before he can even get out a word, she slaps his wrist with a quick flick of her hand, watching him draw back. He looks at her, appalled that someone would have the guts to actually try and tell the great Tony Stark no.

(To be fair, Bellamy didn’t think she’d have the guts to do it either.)

“Don’t touch me.” She speaks in a stiff tone as Tony straightens his spine. “I’d appreciate it if you left me alone now, sir.”

Audible gasps rise through the room, but Bellamy can barely hear them in her thundering heartbeat. She watches the man with a glare as her nerves dance around her skin. Whatever ounces of (liquid) courage she has left are quickly disappearing with the look of hatred she feels from Tony Stark, the celebrity, right now.

“Feisty.” He nods curtly. “Guess we’ll talk a bit later, Holland.”

“I wouldn’t hold my breath.” Tom tells him as Tony walks away, scowling as he fades into the crowd.

[fernsandsunflowers]

Hi guys,

I never really make personal posts on here but I wanted to talk about my little buddy somewhere that was both public and private at the same time.

This is Zorro, I was almost 11 when we first met. My parents brought him as a bday surprise for my brother. I didn’t know they were going to get him a dog so I squealed when I saw my mother sneak him into the pantry to hide him away. The moment my brother set off to stay the night at a cousin’s I ran to the pantry and knelt on the floor. He was hiding behind a kitchen chair, peaking at me from behind one of the legs. I called to him and he tilted his head staring at me, a little unsure…I called again and his mouth broke into a giant smile and he bounded towards me, missed the landing and crashed right into my leg. We have been inseparable ever since. That night we gave him milk, the same amount we used to make for a giant German shepherd we dogsat a couple weeks ago, and he drank the ENTIRE bowl. His tummy got so big it dragged on the floor and he couldn’t walk straight. I begged my parents to let him sleep in my room. They reluctantly agreed, and I ended up spending the entire night mopping the floors because he peed EVERYWHERE. My parents brought him for my brother, but he was always mine. He followed me everywhere, even if I was just walking two feet away. He would wait outside the bathroom door for me. when I was in school, he’d come to the gate by 1pm and sit and wait for me to come back home. When I started work, he would wait at the gate by 4pm. When he got older, he’d wait by the doorway of my room or in the tv room his head facing the front door.

He was the number 1 fan of pets, he hated when I came home smelling like other dogs, he loved little kids and would let them torture him to no end - when my cousin was born my aunt stayed with us and that was the one time Zorro didn’t follow me around, he would stay by the door to their room and bark or come call someone the moment the baby started to stir. I also have this seriously hyper kid cousin who used to just throw stuff at him and poke him, and he wouldn’t bat an eye, he’d go and sit by him and let him do his thing - He loved to eat chicken, his favorite fruit was mangoes, and he used to eat anything we gave him as long as he knew we were eating it too. He loved to roll around in grass, and pee on mom’s new plants. When he was younger and did something naughty and mom would yell at him he’d get his revenge by going to her favourite plants, carefully biting off a flower and going and showing it to her. He didn’t give a rats ass about thunder, he’d sleep right through thunderstorms, but he HATED fireworks. We’d have to tie him up and give him some Piriton to help him sleep, but he was never one to be forced into anything. For a small dog he was strong, he’d manage to break out, fight the sleepiness and actually try to catch the firecrackers. You’d think this is impossible, but I come from Sri Lanka, even kids handle fireworks in my country, and a lot of the time we use fireworks that go off on the floor. One of my favourites was this one that would spin like a wheel on the ground, one time he got loose and chased one of them down the street trying to catch it in his mouth. Half the neighbourhood ran after him screaming to try and get him away. I was in hysterics for hours. But he was fine, except for a few burnt whiskers… His sense of smell was never really the same after that - we’d play hide and seek and he’d run right passed me sniffing at the floor. He loved walks, as most dogs do. Sri Lanka also has a lot of strays and my neighbourhood has its own little gang of like 15 dogs. They’d follow us on walks from a distance and I’d always be terrified they’d jump on him. But Zorro completely ignored them and I later figured out that he was actually sniffing out and peeing where the other dogs pee… he’s just that salty. He had long hair that curled at the end and my Cats loved to play with them. They’d slide along the floor and attack him as he walked and he’d stand there and let them have their fun. He never once snapped or growled at them. He hated when I’d start singing, he would tolerate it for about 10 minutes and then would start huffing pointedly. It didn’t stop me from writing him and singing him a lullaby, he didn’t seem to mind that one so much. I used to play the piano when I was younger and he’d make me stop by jumping onto the keys and walking all over them. He once saw a garden snake come up behind me and attacked it. Another time, a bird got fried on the overhead street wiring and my mom kept it on a rock while she went to find her gardening tools so she could dig a grave for it. When she came back the bird was gone and Zorro was covered in dirt. He had buried the bird himself. You’d think this is nothing, dogs often bury bones and things, but this is the first and only time Zorro has ever buried anything. We have a rambutan tree in our home whose branches fall onto our roof, the two of us would climb up to the roof every fruiting season and sit and eat rambutan. He liked the bitter ones the most which worked out great because I liked the sweet. He loved sweets too, cakes and candies and the rare tiny piece of chocolate. We’d have to take care to never keep anything within reach of him… things used to mysteriously disappear anyway. He learned pretty soon that when he was sick he was more likely to get sweets, we used to hide his pills in cakes and gummies, so he would pretend to be ill. He’d limp a little when people were a round and act like he can’t get up. Dad’s favourite story was the time he caught Zorro, who we thought had somehow injured his ankle (he even whined when the vet touched his ankle, she said nothing seemed broken or twisted, it must just be sore because he slept on it wrong so prescribed him something for the pain), walking normally and start limping, on the wrong foot, when he spotted my dad. 

He was beautiful, his fur always shone and his hair was thick and long, he had little eyebrows and even eyelashes. I have never seen a cocker spaniel in Sri Lanka that looked as beautiful and as healthy as he did. You might say I’m biased but every vet we’ve ever been to and every person who’s ever seen him said the same. We had several little proposals for him but they never worked out. We had three girls brought home for him but he HATED them all. The poor things tried so hard to make friends with him but he lashed out at them. Eventually we stopped trying. My brother and I are pretty sure this was because he was gay. During mating season we’d sometimes find him staring longingly at the local dog gang (all male) through the bars of the gate. He loved Tuk Tuk rides because he was just too short to see out the car window. He walked the streets like he owned them and it showed, people would come out of their homes to fawn over him and he’d trot along, head held high. If he was in the way of oncoming traffic, no matter what the vehicle, it was clear that he would not move from it but the vehicle had to move for him. Every vehicle in the neighbourhood knew to make a nice, wide turn, away from his path because he wasn’t going to change his. About 4 months ago our garden wall was broken down for reconstruction and we had taken him out for his nightly pee and poop session. He was taking ages and mom and I were watching a show on tv. So we told him dad was on the way home and he’d let him in and went inside. He had decided to go looking for dad who worked about 150 metres away from our home. He’d one over the broken wall and made it to the main road. I was told that the Tuk Tuk drivers with the help of one of the traffic policeman had created a wall against oncoming traffic so he wouldnt get hit, and because he refused to let anyone touch him two men came running to our house to fetch us so we can bring him back home. Thank god he’s so famously known in town! He created a massive traffic jam and noone complained. Mind you he was deaf and blind at this point so we are pretty sure he simply followed dad’s scent because we have never taken him that way towards the main road before and dad’s the only one who takes that path and he was apparently very purposefully making his way to dad’s office building.

He grew to display behaviour so fundamentally similar to me that we were almost the same person. He hated potatoes, He loved chicken. He hated getting up in the morning and was most active in the night. He hated being helped, towards the end he found it difficult to get up, difficult to walk, but he always had to try by himself for several minutes before grudgingly allowing us to help him. He pretended to hate attention but loved being the centre of it. He hated having his picture taken and he liked baths only after he was in them. He was ticklish on his sides, he was grumpy in the mornings, he liked to go to places only for the ride, once we got to a place it was like ok home now. He was very mellow, he took everything in stride and never complained, he would be mad at you for approximately 2.5 seconds. He was friendly towards everyone but had his favourites… this showed. He was a little afraid of birds. He hated milk by itself and loved roasted dhal. He liked his bread buttered and only slightly toasted. He didn’t like being told what to do and would pathologically rebel, whether it was being asked not to sit during bathtime or being given sedatives at the vets before getting stitches (he was given enough sedatives to affect a much larger dog, but he refused to let it get to him and didnt even go to sleep that night). 

I should have accepted that his time was done, I shouldn’t have tried to force down his medicine. I think I caused him a lot of pain towards the end. I should have just let him be in peace. I shouldnt have carried him to the doctors every day. He hated being carried. I’m so scared that he hated me those last few days. I told him over and over that I was sorry, I just wanted to help. But a dog doesn’t understand all that. He’s gone now and and I caused him all that stress for nothing. And it’s breaking my heart.

He was my home for 14 years and 3 months and 9 days. I don’t really know how to be or do without him here. How am I supposed to want to come back home knowing he won’t be there waiting for me. How am I to sleep without the sound of his snores punctuating the air. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go to the washroom without hearing him padding to the door and loudly sniffing underneath it to see if I was there. I keep expecting to hear him bark softly from outside the door to let me know he was outside and not inside. I keep tripping on myself thinking he was lying on the floor and I was about to step on him. I couldn’t go to sleep yesterday because he didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night to ask for a midnight snack or to let me know he needed to pee.

There was a brilliant sunset yesterday, the whole sky turned gold as we set him down in his little coffin and decorated his grave with flowers. There was a rainbow too. People sent me pictures, saying it was a sign. I don’t want a sign, I don’t want him up there. I want him home with me where he’s supposed to be.

[mrneighbourlove]

Snake who Smiles: Ch 2. Party Crashers

Zemalocke sat in his bed drinking a nice glass of red wine. Under his covers was the resting frame of the woman he had just fucked for the past hour. A Lorleidian mother wanting to be able to afford bail for her husband, some man who dared work a second job without a permit. It really was all these savages were good for. He rubbed her tired head against his crotch, playing with her hair. Using his free hand as he took another sip, savouring the aged wine. A knock then came at his door. "Who is it?"

"It is I, baron." The messenger stood outside the room, not daring to enter unless permission was first given. "I have news from Hyrule I believe you will find most interesting."

Zemalocke looked down at his whore. She was out like a light, her body shaking from the fucking. "You may enter."

Stepping inside of the room, the messenger noticed the woman in the bed and failed to say anything for a brief moment before coming to his senses.

"... the queen is pregnant."

That took Zemalocke by surprise. After so many years she had finally produced a child. And he was so close to cracking down on the royal family to produce a Hylian Heir. Those goddamned animals! The Baron then smiled, and a thought occurring to him, takes another sip of his drink. He would not let Hyrule have another cycle of weakness. He had studied Lorleidians quite closely. They could not use their magic to their full effectiveness when pregnant. Zarazu was mighty, but with the proper execution, even she would fall. "Harry, was it? Please send a message to Councilmen Nappan. It is time to begin our plan."

~

Twins. The entire family was celebrating. Soon, a little boy and girl would be joining the Dragmire family. With each passing month, Zarazu's belly grew larger and larger. Soon enough, she was making jokes about feeling like a beached whale and eating everything in sight. It was not uncommon to see the queen snatching something from her husband's plate or the commander escorting her to the kitchen at all hours of the morning for tuna fish and ice cream. To include the entire kingdom in their joy, the retired king and queen had planned a banquet for the new heirs-to-be. Everyone was just beaming with energy and ready for the next generation to rule Hyrule.

"Zarazu, you've ate five ears of corn, don't you think that's enough?" Covarog teased her lightly. "You haven't even had dessert yet."

"No." Zarazu said with her mouth full. "Surrenda joo strawberrehs."

"How ladylike of you to speak with your mouth full of food."

She swallowed.

"Oh shut it, I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry."

"I'm eating for three."

Klinge shook his head. "That's no excuse to not act like a lady." He tore the piece of corn from her hands. She had enough. "You will feel sick. And you still need to address your guests."

"Hey! I wasn't done with that." The queen sulked as she wiped her mouth. "You want me to steal your strawberries too?" Zarazu huffed as she snatched away a chocolate coated berry and nearly drooled in delight. "These things are addictive."

"Let's go say hello to some of the visitors. I know Kanisa and Vidar are here with Kerugan. They're very excited for us." Covarog chuckled. "And of course, Ba'puu just had to say hello to 'puppy'."

Zarazu giggled at her dragon's nickname for Vidar.

"All right, all right, let's go." Zarazu tried once, then twice to heft herself out of the chair with little success. Finally, Covarog had to help pull her to her feet. That burgeoning belly was always in the way.

Klinge took the strawberry from her and studied the crowd. Spotting Vidar he gave a respectful nod. The warrior was quite formidable, and could prove he could fight for Kanisa.

"Goodness, how do you get around, Zarazu?" Kanisa asked as she balanced Kerugan on her hip. "And I thought carrying Kerugan was tough, I can't imagine two!"

"Let's just say I'll be happy when I can see my feet again and can put on my own shoes." Zarazu jested with a cheery smile, holding out her arms for little Kerugan. "Who's grown so big? Hm? Are you growing more and more like your big, fearsome daddy?"

"Yes..." Kerugan said bashfully as his aunt hugged him. "Mama says I might be bigger than him one day!"

"Maybe so, maybe so." Zarazu agreed as she gave her nephew back to Kanisa. "Maybe one day, you'll have your own dragon too, just like your mother."

"Ha! Na'seema is attached to him at the hip. You should see them play together." Kanisa told Zarazu with a laugh. "I'm sure she's glad to visit Ba'puu. I know she missed her father."

Klinge looked down at little Kerugan. How everyone could have children was beyond him. He made a light smile behind his helmet when he saw Kanisa. "Vidar, Kanisa. I trust you have been well?"

"Hn." Vidar just gave a nod of his head, not exactly one for festivities. He preferred the quiet over the loud chatter. Of course, that did not mean he was going to let his wife and son attend this merriment alone.

"We've been well. We're..." Kanisa giggled. "We're expecting a little one at the beginning of winter. The Dusas told me it was going to be a girl. I'm so delighted to know what the baby is going to be, that way I can start preparing again."

"Yeah! I'm gunna be a big brodder!" Kerugan grinned from ear to ear.

"A big brother to a little sister." Kanisa gently tickled Kerugan, earning a squeal from her son.

"That's good to hear. I'm proud of you." Klinge patted Kanisa's shoulder. "Make sure to keep your Shiekah training up. Are you teaching your son?"

"Of course, Kerugan is learning a bit more everyday, aren't you sweetie?"

"I like the axe."

"His favorite is the axe." Kanisa repeated to Klinge with a bright smile. "I tried to get him into daggers, but he's like his Papa. Axe or club." She rolled her eyes with a shake of her head. "Boys."

"Na'seema needs to get bigger so we can fly!" Kerugan told Zarazu. "Like your dragon!"

"Oh, sweetheart, you know dragons take a while to grow. Maybe one day I'll let you take a ride on Ba'puu, yes?" Zarazu said sweetly, earning a look of horror from Vidar. "... with your mother or father riding with you." She then added, knowing that Vidar was just nervous around the dragons.

"And when he's a man." Klinge added. He too, at the very least mistrusted dragons. And he knew all too well the situation of the Direnors.

"Ah, Princess Kanisa? Long-time no see." Klinge turned around to see the smug grin of Baron Zemalocke. He wore a fancy suit as always, this time with a ceremonial cape.

Zemalocke had always liked Orana and Kanisa. Even though they were Gerudo, they had always been divine, and their beauty had only grown with age.

"Baron." Kanisa curtsied, one hand extending the edge of her dress while the other balanced Kerugan. "I'm not sure if you were able to meet my husband, Vidar?" She gestured to the Direnor, who had his arms crossed, looking intimidating as ever. "We're visiting for the party and look forward to the birth of the twins."

"I smell a rat." Vidar told Kanisa in his language, his nose allowing him to smell how twisted Zemalocke's demeanor was. "I want you to stay away from him."

Zarazu, with her magical spell to lift language barriers, nearly choked on her drink at Vidar's words, trying not to laugh. She passed it off as drinking her juice too fast, fanning her face lightly.

"Sorry, it went down the wrong pipe."

"Ah, I apologize, Vidar's still learning the Hylian language and customs." Kanisa knew exactly what her husband said, knowing full well he could speak Hylian by now. Though, not everyone had to know that. "He hopes you are faring well and is glad you could attend the celebration."

Baron Zemalocke took a sip of his drink. For a moment he locked gazes with the giant brute. He didn't need a translator to know what he said was disrespectful. And what a waste on Kanisa's part. Still, at least out of all her siblings, she had the most class. "...Indeed. Nice to have you back from the clutches of that savage, frozen undead wasteland. We worry about your health Princess Kanisa."

"Oh, it's far from a wasteland, Baron." Kanisa replied with all the elegance and grace of the court at first. "It's beautiful. You really should travel more often. I'm sure Glacier's Forge in the spring time would be a sight for anyone to see. As far as savage, well..." She shrugged her shoulders, not giving a damn. "Only the biased and ignorant would think that. Excuse me, Kerugan needs to be put to bed." And with that, she walked off into the crowd, in the direction of the bedchambers, Vidar following close behind.

"And not a single fuck was given that day." Zarazu said into Covarog's ear in her native language, earning a snicker from the king. Then in Hylian, she laughed. "I do think the hormones are getting to Kanisa as well, don't you, my dearest?"

"Well, Vidar informed me of her famous mood swings when pregnant..."

Baron Zemalocke looked towards Zarazu, having another sip of his drink. "So. You two actually managed to produce not one, but two children. You must be so happy."

"As Ganondorf proclaimed to everyone in the castle, a dynasty." Covarog chuckled, smug as ever as he pulled Zarazu closer. He gently kissed her forehead. "A son and a daughter. Only my wife, a powerful, witty, beautiful, Lorleidian could do such a thing."

"You flatter me, husband."

"I speak only the truth, love."

Zemalocke gritted his teeth together with a wide smile of disgust. "Enjoy it. Being a parent is such a joy. Here's hoping you don't have a miscarriage." Zemalocke left the couple, getting a nod from the councilmen. The assassins were in place, ready to cause chaos and take out this trash for good.

"Well, that went as well as I thought it would go." Covarog walked arm in arm with his wife back to their table. It was hard for her to stand for long with all that pressure on her back.

"He's an ass and he'll get what's coming to him one day."

One of the waiters had a large cloth hiding his firearm. He nodded to his fellow companions. Making a quick turn he fired at Zarazu with a hidden crossbow.

Covarog saw the movement out of the corner of his eye. He moved to pull Zarazu out of the way, the arrow avoiding her chest area but still nicking her shoulder. The queen yelped in surprise as she was literally plastered in a corner, Covarog and Klinge standing in front of her. Ralnor saw the commotion and ushered Cass out of the room with his children before going to his brother's aid. Vidar was returning to present his gift to the unborn children after helping Kanisa put Kerugan to bed and saw the man with the weapon. Without thinking twice, the huge Direnor tackled the imposter.

The first assassin jerked about underneath Vidar, desperate to get away from him. He pulled the arrow from his bow and attempted to stab at him.

Two assassins in front of Zarazu and her bodyguards drew their crossbows fully and fired another volley. Klinge had his shield up by now, and after having bolts bounce off, conjured a spear and impaled on of the assassins through the chest. The other reloaded as two new assassins came from each side of Covarog, swinging up at him with hidden blades.

Far above on a balcony one last assassin aimed her bow at Zarazu. Licking her lips the sniper took aim. "Goodnight your highness." She finished her pray and let the arrow fly.

The party was in chaos, people running in every direction. Vidar was easily able to crack the first assassin's arm and pinned him to the floor before snapping his neck. Direnors never took any prisoners. Covarog turned and sliced clean through another assassin while Ralnor crept up behind the other and slit his throat. The commotion nearly overwhelmed Zarazu, but she still possessed that sixth sense for detecting danger. Seeing the arrow coming from the sniper, the queen was able to form a wall of ice around herself for protection. It was the most she could do since she could not move properly to fight.

The sniper cursed to herself as Zarazu protected herself. How the hell was magic fair? She got up from her position and prepared a bomb arrow. "Let's see you get through this."

Klinge cut through any assassin that dared come close to his Queen. And blows made against him were ineffective. One way or another. The Black Knight tried to make it as less messy as possible. Although that didn't stop him from decapitating one of the assassins.

Zemalocke watched from a safe distance as the mayhem unfolded. It was interesting to study the combat capabilities of all his vile enemies, and just as predicted, Zarazu was not at her 100%. Taking a sip of his wine he tapped his rapier in case the assassins got any funny ideas. They were after all not directly hired by him. He smiled when he saw the sniper let her explosive arrow fly.

Covarog kept the assassins back from his wife. Of all times for someone to attack, it had to be at the celebration. He figured this was literally how to crash a party. Ralnor was keeping track of everyone's movements, trying to pinpoint where the true culprit was. Where was the sniper? It was imperative to take down the sniper. Vidar was pummeling some of the other enemies into a bloody pulp. However, when the exploding arrow hit the ice, it caused Covarog, Ralnor, and Klinge to go flying forward, knocking Zarazu backwards into the wall with a harsh grunt.

Zemalocke had to do everything in his power to not overly change his observation and cheer. The three pitiful Gerudo rats had been knock away from the ice queen. Too bad they were too physically big to simply roll with the knock back.

Klinge groaned. In the smoky haze of the explosion he made out another assassin sneaking up on Zarazu. "Queen Zarazu!"

As he dashed to protect her, another assassin blocked his progress, locking in combat with him. How many of these damn people were there?!

The assassin smiled as he came behind the Queen. "Too easy." He prepared to swing down on her with a halberd he took from one of the walls.

Zarazu was slightly dazed from getting slammed into the wall, though she was able to regain her senses. As the assassin brought down the halberd, Zarazu coated one arm with her ice, blocking it. She was still pinned against the wall, one arm keeping the blade back while the other over her large stomach. This person would not hurt her babies. She was not able to fight like normal, but she would still try. Her foot collided with the assassin’s knee to try to get him to go down.

"Covarog!!!" Zarazu hated feeling defenseless, but even she knew when to ask for help. "Klinge!!!!"

The assassin grunted as Zarazu kicked him. "Just die you god damn-" He was cut off as Klinge grabbed him by the neck, lifted into him into the air, and stabbed him through the heart. He threw the body violently at one of the other assassin's, the weight of the dead man breaking the cut throats legs. The assassin crawled right towards the exit, running into Vidar. He didn't last long.

Zemalocke was annoyed. The 'Deadly 25' wasn't panning out too well. ‘End these fools already', he thought, pouring himself another glass.

Klinge looked around, killing the last few assassins with the King and Prince. Only one of these bastards, if they were unlucky enough, would live to answer for this. One assassin nicked him with his blade, causing the attacker to laugh.

"Hahaha! You can feel it can't you? The poison through your veins. It acts instantly. A fine coating for my blade. Perhaps you can scream for me as your final act!"

Klinge looked at him deadpan, a solid blink. The silence made the assassin uneasy after a moment.

"You don't know me do you?"

"Why aren't you dying? Gasp for air! Fall to your knees!"

Klinge walked towards his stunned attacker and delivered a swift blow to the neck. The assassin gasped as his throat was sliced open and his blood leaked out. With a gurgle he fell to the floor.

"You can't poison the dead."

The sniper meanwhile took aim, up high on a balcony, behind Zarazu's field of view. "Smile, you bitch."

Vidar had made his way up onto the balcony, having been able to root out the assassin with his nose. It was really beneficial to be a Direnor sometimes. Just as the sniper started to take aim again, Vidar grabbed the assassin and wrestled the weapon away from her. Unfortunately in doing so, the arrow struck the chandelier, causing the chain holding it in place. It fell directly in the path of Zarazu.

Zemalocke eyes lit up like diamonds. The pretender to the throne, squashed like the ant she was, how appropriate. However, like a Queen ant, she had soldiers ready to die for her. Klinge tackled Zarazu, holding her close as he fell to the floor. "You ok?"

Zarazu released a most undignified squeal as Klinge tackled her out of harm's way. The hard armor of his was not exactly comfortable but it was still preferred more so than the weight of the chandelier. Out of instinct, both of her hands were over her belly, protecting her twins.

"I think so." Zarazu breathed shakily. "Is everyone else okay?"

The sniper realized she had failed her mission and her entire team was dead. "You and everyone else can go to hell!" She threw a handful of blinding, stinging powder towards Vidar and ran as fast as she could away. No one was going to catch her.

Vidar yowled as the powder stung his eyes, but Ralnor, like the spy master he was, had plans. As the sniper tried to run away, he hit her in the leg with one of his daggers. There was a special coat of paralyzing poison on the blade to keep her from running too far.

The Sniper yet out a yelp as the dagger hit her. Her run turned into a jog, her jog a walk, then her walk a drag, until finally her legs gave out. She tried to crawl away with her arms, until she bumped into a very angry Gerudo mother who was able to keep her still with a foot placed firmly on her back. "No. Let...go..."

"You attack one member of my family, you get to deal with the whole family." Orana kept her foot on the assassin with Corsaire and his crew scouting the rest of the castle for any other suspicious persons. Vidar went to check on Kanisa after Zarazu washed the powder off his eyes. Ralnor and the spies were also searching for any other culprits. Covarog stayed beside of his wife, checking her over for any injuries. Luckily, there was only a small cut, noticeable by the tear on the gown, on her shoulder.

"Love, are you sure you're all right? We should get Doctor Boveir to check you out just in case."

Zemalocke looked over the carnage and sighed. So a direct attack didn't pan out. Foolish assassins. They deserved to die for their failure. And even if they interrogated the woman he wasn't worried. She had no connection to him, and there was no physical evidence linking the Baron to Councilmen Nappan. He smiled broadly when Ralnor and the rest spotted him, merely swirling his drink.

"You... you wretched, spiteful, son of a bitch!" Ralnor walked over to Zemalocke, grabbing the man by the front of his collar. "You planned this!"

"Ralnor, what are you doing?!" Covarog was completely taken aback by his brother's sudden rage. It was not like Ralnor to lose his temper so easily.

"I don't have any proof but I will find you out eventually! Snakes like you can't hide in the grass forever!"

Zemalocke, completely in his right was enjoying Ralnor's rage, right up until he grabbed him. His skin crawled at the desert rat’s touch. None touched him unless given the privilege and order to do so. He slammed his hands down on Ralnor's arms, giving him a push away. "Unhand me cur! You think I planned this? Please, if I wanted the crown dead, I'd come up with a far better scheme. Waitress assassins? Such pathetic accusations.” Zemalocke tapped his rapier, ready for a fight if needed. Turning his head he smiled smugly at Covarog. "I think you best pull your brother back Covarog, least he gets hurt biting his tongue from tripping over himself. Wouldn't want him to cry again. And a snake Ralnor? You know snakes devour rats right?" Zemalocke thought back to those wonderful moments of Ralnor crying like a baby in front of him back in their youth.

Klinge was behind Ralnor,wanting to crush the Baron into tiny pieces and scatter his ashes to the wind, but they had no proof. Yet.

"Ralnor, let it go, we can't put this bastard away without any proof."

"You saw him sitting there, gloating about this whole situation! Are you not angry?!"

"Of course I'm angry! She's my wife, she's carrying my children!"

"Then the culprit needs to have his head on a stick!"

"We can't charge him without proof."

"When are we ever going to find proof? That son of a bitch has been plotting against us for years!"

"I know, he's the snake in the garden, the rat in the walls, and the fly in our soup, but what the hell can we do without solid proof?!"

"Covarog, Ralnor... not here..." Zarazu held onto Covarog's arm. While she had bruises and was a little battered, the queen was all right.

Zemalocke shook his head smugly, a hand going to face as he chuckled. "Oh ho ho ho ho. How savage of you Ralnor, but not surprising. Gloating? I was just having a drink. And I think if you want to go on about analogies Covarog my favourite is the dagger in your back, but that's just me." Zemalocke finishes his drink and places it down on the table. "Well it has been a wonderful party, quite the show indeed. Maybe you two should learn to channel that pitiful anger you feel. You should throw another event like this soon. Could do without the assassins though. If I were you I'd fire your event coordinator." The Baron takes in the faces of all those as he walks away, chuckling to himself. "And once again, congratulations on the babies..."

~

Klinge sulked the dungeon back and forth. Hours upon hours he had tortured the assassin. When she gave a first name it was a councilman. To Klinge's absolute fury when he moved to arrest him, the councilmen commuted suicide. No connection to Zemalocke had been made. He was sure the assassin knew something. Perhaps Ralnor's methods could produce something.

Ralnor tried every trick he knew in the book to get the assassin to confess that this was all Zemalocke's plan. However, she kept repeating over and over that it was Councilman Nappan who hired her after begging for mercy. While Klinge was good at breaking bones, Ralnor was better at breaking down the mind. Frustrated with his results, he slammed his dagger into the table covered in weaponry.

"Not one utterance about Zemalocke..."

Klinge sighed in deep, angry disappointment. "The bastard. If she really has nothing, then we have no link to him on this..."

"Zemalocke will slip in eventually. I just... I wish I had something now." Ralnor groaned as he rubbed his forehead. "If something would have happened to Zarazu and the twins, Covarog would have been crushed...

"Agreed. And the worst part is, all we can do is just sit and wait for the next attempt."

"Unfortunately so." Ralnor hated feeling like he was trapped between a rock and a hard place. It was not like him to be so worried. "I know you've already upped security. I'll plant a few spies on Zemalocke."

Klinge nodded in simple agreement. "Think our current captive will hold any more use?"

"I doubt it." Ralnor shook his head. "She's told us what she knows."

"So you want to kill her or leave as one of 'practice dummies'?"

"I think I'll leave the decision to you. You usually have a better use for them than I do, anyhow." Ralnor started to exit the dungeon. "I'm counting on you to keep Zarazu safe. If we lose her, we lose Covarog."

~

Covarog hardly left Zarazu's side since the assassination attempt. The king thought the next attempt might be when she was giving birth. He had strict orders throughout the medical team that not one word was to spread of when Zarazu's labor started. The whole ordeal was taxing his nerves.

"Please come to bed, love." Zarazu told Covarog as she patted the side of the mattress next to her. She tried to keep him calm but it was difficult. "Everything will be okay... the twins will be here soon and we'll be parents. We still have to think of names, you know."

"... you don't know that for sure, Zarazu." Covarog said lowly as he finally sat on the mattress. "I worry. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"I know, I know, but we have allies too." Zarazu held his hand, smiling at him. "And I didn't let Vul'kar take me down, did I? I'll be all right... and Klinge will stay with me while I rest so you can attend to matters."

Kelly and the other royal guards finished making their rounds. "King Covarog, Queen Zarazu, I trust you are well? After a tight inspection no one has booby-trapped any of the rooms in a 100 meter radius of your courters."

"I am fine, Captain Kelly, thank you for checking up on me." Zarazu smiled as Kelly entered the chambers. There was to be round the clock guards outside of the door. The queen was not to be left alone at any moment. She would have company even while she slept, while she walked in the gardens, even when she ate her meals. Patting her belly, Queen Zarazu had to press a heel out of her side. "The twins are all right as well, they're doing somersaults in there."

Kelly chuckled at that. "Nice of you to be cracking jokes. You'll probably die with a pun being your final words knowing you."

"Hrm, I think I'd rather die by an orgasm, thank you very much." Zarazu joked with Kelly. "In the throw of rapture with my husband."

"Zarazu, please..." Covarog coughed, his face a little flushed. The hormones were making her more straightforward than usual.

Kelly blushed a little as well but rolled with it. "I think that's the libido talking. So, you able to stretch out well enough with that belly?"

"Stretch? I can't even see my toes." Zarazu wiggled her toes underneath the blanket for emphasis. "I'll be glad when I can walk again, not waddle." She sulked lightly. "I feel like a beached whale."

"Love, you still look as beautiful as ever." Covarog assured her.

"Hm-hm, says the man who has been asking me if my tits are going to stay this big."

"What? They're soft!"

"They're tender!"

"Oh Covarog you naughty boy." Kelly teased the King.

"She's the naughty one." Covarog muttered under his breath.

"Will you tell Klinge that I'm all right, Kelly? I don't want him to worry either." Zarazu asked the captain with a smile. "You know how he is."

"We'll definitely have to alert him when you go into labor. It could be within the upcoming weeks." Covarog told Kelly. "I'll need you and Tulilad to keep the castle running properly until it is over. I don't trust anyone well enough like I do you three to keep her safe."

"Of course your majesty. Will do our best." Because if we don’t, the entire kingdom will weep.