#girl i don't even know anymore
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how sad!
#girl i don't even know anymore#this was supposed to be a quick screencap redraw but it turned into something else#whatever!#i have decided refined artwork is Not My Thing and i will instead go crazy#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fanart#jjk fanworks#jjk s2#jjk season 2#eyestrain#(sorry)#kenjaku#and the beloved !!#carcassaku#and NOT geto because that's NOT geto stfu!!#i will draw geto later though i promise#phon.art#tumblr REALLY crunched the quality with this one. YIKES
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so. gay love did pierce through the veil of death and saved the day is what I'm hearing
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and the winner of inanimate insanity issss.....SUITCASE
#ii#ii2#inanimate insanity spoilers#do i even need to mark spoilers anymore?#eh whatever#i know I'm late#lol#inanimate insanity suitcase#inanimate insanity 2#steve cobs ii#ii suitcase#YOU GO GIRL#slay queen#i love cobs but honestly yeah deserved#steve cobs inanimate insanity#osc#ii2 finale#inanimate insanity finale#inanimate insanity fanart#so many tags#I don't really like this drawing womp womp#SoundCloud
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I want to open requests again but also, I have like zero confidence to write anything at the moment.
I dunno i keep hearing people talk about how they hate when writers do this or hate that and this headcanon is the worst, everybody dunking on something, and I keep seeing it in my stuff. I just don't have much confidence in making anything that people aren't gonna find cringe and poorly made and miserable to read. Like why would I take all of your ideas when someone else can/will just do them a million times better then I ever could without all the stuff that makes my writing annoying to read.
I'm not looking for like sympathy or anything, I just wanted to give a warning if you don't really see much writing from me for a bit.
#i know i'm just being self centered and annoying i just have like paper thin confidence in anything i do#there's some characters i don't even wanna write anymore i just feel bad looking at them#macaroni picture frame#like 'i hate people who write x character this way' and 'people who romanticize this are disgusting and should kts'#and it's stuff i write. i dunno i just feel like i'm throwing sewage in front of people writing nice stuff#i know i dont have very creative headcanons or anything either. im the mary sue boring girl writer#to delete later probably when i get embarrassed#not writing
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The 6 people that are obsessed with Joel
#yeah i can't be bothered to draw anymore then that rn so y'all will have to deal with trying to understand who I've drawn#well i guess not cuz I'm gonna tag then#also don't even say anything about the sausage one. i know.#ya girl was STRUGGLING to make it somehow work#joel smallishbeans#etho slab#jimmy solidarity#firebreathman#mythicalsausage#iskall85#boat boys#smallidarity#does fbm and joel have a duo/ship name??#if so idk what it is#swedishbeans#also ye Joel's there cuz man's the biggest obsessor of himself
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Hey sorry, the KSBD Girls have been turned into cutesy anime girls. Yes, they are chibs now. Yes, their eyes are massive. No, the process is irreversible. We are very sorry, nothing can be done about it anymore.
"Don't look at me"
#My art#KSBD#K6BD#Kill Six Billion Demons#Yes I accidentally gave White Chain an extra pair of wings#Pay no attention to that#Originally wanted to draw The Girls as they appear in *each* book but. That was going to be Too Many Chibs#So this is like Book 1 and/or 2 (Cio's outfit is from Wielder of Names)#(Allison's is from the end of Book 1 and White Chain... Book 1?)#(I drew these forever ago I can't remember anymore man)#Anyways read KSDB it is Very Good#Definitely one of those comics that has just ruined my life because I am never going to experience anything quite like it again#I don't even know where to start just go fucking read it man
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#art#my art#artists on tumblr#altfashion#punk#are e-girls even a think anymore I feel that's more accurate#I don't know what fashion is anymore#fucking love it tho#oc
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can someone explain to me why does my mum don't want me to be in my room and is forcing me to do my work downstairs 😃
#girl . im holding your hand while saying this#if im in my room it's because i chose to be#here i said it#i do not like being downstairs when there are people calm down#she just told me “what are you doing with your life” GIRL 😭calm down im begging you#she always want to know what i'm doing ? how am a supposed to tell her i just dress up and do silly things#she doesn't even want me to have my pc in my room 😭 girly pop ..#killing myself#she always think whatever i do i do it only because it's something she doesn't want me to do like 😟#how can you fuck up so badly . turns out you just don't want me to do things i enjoy#i kinda wanna hit her with a hammer sometimes but i stay kind 💗#someone help me i just wish she just stopped caring about me anymore i feel so trapped she always want to know what i'm doing#she's always behind my back it's sickening#as im typing this she literally called my name to tell me to hurry up and do my work downstairs THIS IS INSANE GLFGH#what is this tomfoolery#anyway yeah i'm good#j is rambling
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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Boy who broke my heart, I hope life is kinder to your daughters than you were to me
#lilac rambles#his wedding is at the end of this month and i am...Feeling Things#i wonder if she knows about me. the girl he always went to when his heart broke. who he flirted shamelessly with for years but never thought#was worthy of anything more than that.#did he think i wasn't pretty enough? was i too sad? too angry? too raw? too imperfect and human and messy?#why was i something to string along when he was lonely and never someone who counted?#i don't even want him anymore. why do i feel this way still?#lilac's silver springs chronicles
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I ordered white chocolate peppermint pizzelle cookies because of Pizzelle from Sugary Spire. I'm not joking. I wanted to know what these cookies tasted like and so I made a purchase. They're coming this Friday. I'll let you guys know how they taste.
#pizza tower#sugary spire#pizzelle suzette#pizzelle sugary spire#what the heck is this girl's full name#i don't even know anymore
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tbh i dont think my dysphoria's ever been as intense as it has being on hrt mostly bc now it feels like "i dont look like a guy" has the scary component of "the hrt isnt doing anything" now. like before it was like well duh im not on t. but now i am and nothing's ever happened. i've been misgendered more on hrt than when i wasn't on it. it's really frustrating because i think my brain looks for the logical why and it goes well. i'm too curvy to look like a guy no matter what i do. which is a great way to feel. is this like complete defeatism almost of i'm always going to look like this & i probably can't get top surgery because i'm too big for it to do anything. like man i'm never gonna look like a guy huh. well that sucks lmao
#fatphobia#i know this is an internalized problem. hence why i stopped talking about it to people#i don't even really want any input i just feel like i'm gonna explode if i don't put this down for a little while#this is such a deeply held Upsetness for me that it's just better for me & everyone that i don't talk about it#bc it'll just frustrate both of us yk#i wish i could lose weight but i can't even do that right or stick with anything and nothing ever changes#it is. maddening. to be so stuck in a body. nothing i do changes anything#hormones don't do anythign exercise doesn't do anything#all i've done is become an ugly girl so i can't even just give up on it all and look how i'm apparently destined to be#slamming my head into a table until my skull cracks brb#txt#vent#negative#body img //#whatever i'll delete this later i just don't understand how i've been on testosterone for a year and a half and#nothing. fucking Nothing has changed at All.#like what is the point. of it all#what's the point of binding what's the point of a little bit of facial hair#what's the point of an imperceptibly deeper voice#fuck!!!!!#i don't have a uterus anymore there's no reason i'm still the exact fucking same#except that i'm just i guess immune to ever looking different i could kms over this i fucking swear
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reblogging posts that make me cry because i'm in the trenches right now yet again reassessing my sexuality LOLOL my brain really couldn't have waited til AFTER my birthday tomorrow. these types of questions are not welcome right now 😭
thesis in the tags
#screw it i'm probably ficto idgaf anymore i probably always have been. idc idc i'm tired of being wishy washy about this#i can't cling to ideas that never served me and that i never agreed with or cared about. it's time to let go and just be happy#i've never in my life imagined a future with anyone real. it would always turn into me imagining one of my f/os anyway#i've never understood any of it and i've always been SO connected to my f/os (since age 8 LOL) that i don't even need a romantic partner#i have so much trauma surrounding it too which doesn't help. but even outside of that i just never really got with the program#i can't keep going on the 'what if' spiral. girl. you know where you're at. you can't torture yourself like this anymore#i've literally been thinking about this since 2019#i've done a lot of this over the last 2-3 years. shedding things/ideas that just don't align with Me. that includes this#too weird and too sentimental to squeeze myself into something i can't get behind#i love romance and i believe in love/connection. deeply. but unless a miracle happens i'm probably never gonna want a 'real' relationship#& I'M MORE THAN OK WITH THAT I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. i just never could decide if it was Enough to go all in. but many years later here we are#i just need my besties and that's all. and i love y'all. you know who you are#anyway. GOOD MORNING#meows
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PLEASE the guy that went straight in for a french kiss has a girlfriend now
#omg now she gets the worst kisses of her life on a daily basis#poor her wtf#like his kiss literally made me more gay than I was before#his kiss was so bad i asked myself if i even like men#he asked to kiss me and because I'm a people pleaser I said yes even tho I didn’t wanna#i thought its gonna start slow and innocent especially since he said he hasn't done that before other than drunk#now I know he meant french kisses#LIKE HE TRIED TO DEVOUR ME IDK#broke things off like a week later cuz things were moving to fast anyway#now I don't wanna date guys anymore for a while thats how bad his game was#girls hmu ❤️#the voices are speaking
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the parallels between hades and orpheus in hadestown i'm so unwell
#hadestown#they were boys who wanted to take pretty girls home#the gods have forgotten their love but ORPHEUS reminds them why they fell for each other#persephone's “i don’t know you anymore” and hades' “you don't even want my love”#“wait for me” showing both orpheus/eurydyce and hades/persephone#argghhhh TOO GOOD#hades saw a boy so in love it made him believe in love and giving chances#if orpheus succeeded he would trust persephone to come back to him as well#orpheus and eurydice
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the second highlight of pride for me (after seeing my college best friend the most radiant I've seen her in my life from the sheer euphoria of being at her first pride) has to be three separate pretty girls asking to take a picture with/of me specifically because they found me cute???! ME???! SKIBJDJRJRJGJKGJJH I LOVE LESBIANS
#it's so wild to me#like i wouldn't say i have low self esteem about my appearance anymore. mostly i just don't care#but it's so weird (in a good way) for someone to find me specifically attractive enough to want to look at#especially in a crowd of the most beautiful people ever#considering they didn't even know me and i was literally in the most boring outfit#i honestly. did not think it was possible#which sounds stupid because beauty is subjective#but yeah...idk#PRETTY GIRLS THINK I'M CUTE AND IT'S NOT A FLUKE THIS IS NOT A DRILL#like I've been complimented on a Lot of things and i know I'm awesome#but i don't specifically get compliments on my appearance often#and it just felt. nice#aaaaaaaah#let's go lesbians#liveblogging.pdf#also they asked for my instagram 🙈 im finw
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