#girl are you a construction site because you are building... etc

[tunapesto]

ive decided to be so lazy at gi farming that ive resulted to just spending every resource to lvl up and focus 99% of my resin on one artifact domain

[blackradandmad]

why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

[soranihimawari]

Dear Sugawara-san

A birthday blessing from me (or Yenne [y/n-chan]) to you

AU [[Postcards]]: Not Social Media, but SOULMATE based.

Rating 18+ for CW [still a SFW, with hints of certain kinks [daddy dom, mentions of pearl-necklace, brat tamer!yenne, LANGUAGE, etc]

🔞MDNI -> (read at your own leisure.) recommended age 18+

A work inspired by this gif above (^-^)

PART I:

post card (1)

21/2/20XX

Happy birthday love! I'm so sorry I missed out on your day. I know you and the guys have been practically partying since last week, but I do sincerely hope you have a blast! Oh yeah! I went to a film festival & thought of you (I saw 'His Girl Friday') It was a hoot! Anyways, as you can see, I love you to bits lover-boy, so happy birthday Koshi! <3 Yenne

post card (2)

12/12/20XX

Babs: you know you looked so fucking hot in those boudoir photos for me. You fucking turned me on & trust me, I won't share you. Although, you did seem pretty happy tied to my chair. Then again, you love it. I think you blessed me with a knew name as I reminded you who owns your moans, dearie. Fucking you senseless and taking my cock from behind during this boring af faculty lounge has suddenly awakened my desire to be called, 'Daddy' by you and you only.

--Daddy Sugarcane

post card (3)

17/01/20XX

Sir, I regret to inform you that this establishment is an entirely different department for nightlife entertainment. Now now, don't pout pretty baby. Yes, you can spank me later daddy, but you know I'm gonna tie you up eventually. Fuck! Do I miss you eating me and taking what I dish out to you. How dare you think you can flirt with that dumb broad to get more ice in your cupcake... (T^T) and I thought you loved me.

xoxo,

Yenne

PART II

post card (4)

13/03/20XX

Happy anniversary angel. Tonight, I just want to take care of you the best way I know how. I know it’s been tough being away from me because your team decided it would be best to send their best architect abroad to oversee the latest building(project). I miss pampering you after you’ve let me cum inside; my little darling bunny so eager to be taken care of…

—D.Sugawara

post card (5)

08/07/20XX

Honey, I’m sorry I overreacted. You were too strict today. All I wanted was to sleep and relax with you, but apparently you thought quality time with me is not as valuable as hanging out with your friends from high school. They’re good boys… SugaDaddy, I’m not coming home. Not this time. My boss asked me to stay for the following year at the construction site…

xoxo,

Yenne

post card (6)

11/11/20XX

I love you. I love you dearly. Hopelessly and effortlessly. The kids I teach asked me, ‘sensei, what’s love?’ & I thought of you. You who has taken care of me since graduate school. You who’s face I’ve seen crumple and cave in pleasure around my cock; your whimpers…You’ve been gone for nearly a year and now all I can think of is how I’ll welcome you home the best way your daddy knows how…

-D.Sugawara

[jebazzled]

Level Up! Beginner/Intermediate/Advanced RP and You

Hello there! Coming to you again with tips & tricks for a top-notch roleplay experience! Today we're going to talk about writing levels and what they mean for your roleplay experience. We'll cover what these levels mean, how to gauge where you're at, and how you can improve your roleplay writing specifically!

WRITING LEVELS

"Writing levels" are often a descriptor sites will use in their advertising and site buzzes. They might be "semi-literate," "intermediate," "literate," "advanced," or any other sort of buzzword. The key here is that these descriptors are used by site staff both to advertise what type of writing is most common on their site and what type of writing they want to see on their site.

What writing levels are not is a value indicator. There's nothing wrong with being an intermediate writer or a beginner writer; advanced sites are not inherently better than intermediate ones, beginner sites are nothing to be ashamed of! Think of writing levels as an umbrella within the rp community. The same way a forum rp-er might narrow their search to jcink sites, a writer might narrow their search to sites which cater to their style of writing.

That said, it is good to define what each of these levels look like so you can figure out where your writing might fit.

BEGINNER Beginner writing is often very short and direct, without much in the way of literary flourish. Characters might be fairly undeveloped (or developed around one trait, for example, "goth" or "prep") and there's usually more discussion of their appearance than you see in advanced writing.

Examples:

Susie was short and very skinny, with big eyes and long mermaid-wavy hair dyed blue at the ends. She was sitting outside Firefly High in blue skinny jeans, silver Converse, and a black t-shirt. "I hope someone can give me a ride home," she said.

Raven sneered at Susie. She didn't like blue because she liked black, because she was a goth. "Are you listening to popular music? What a phony."

Bramblepaw sat down in the clearing. "Hello" he meowed.

Some guides will also give an example like 

patty threw a pom pom at susie! "take that u nerd!"

But I am choosing to believe that you're past that if you're deep enough in this hobby to be seeking out resources - I certainly never had that self-awareness until I was more in intermediate territory!

Beginner-level writing gets the job done, and can certainly move a story along. But if you've been writing a while, you might be ready to build more multifaceted characters, and to invest more effort in your writing.

INTERMEDIATE/SEMI-LITERATE WRITING Intermediate writing tends to be longer than beginner writing, with more variety in sentence structure and with more advanced word choices. There are likely more "beats" per post, by which I mean that instead of just answering a question or getting on the bus or etc, a character will likely do more actions in each turn writing. Characters are less likely to be a stereotype (see: Raven the goth who only wears black, Patty the popular cheerleader who is blonde and brainless, etc) but applications likely reveal one-dimensional characters. Common application styles I see from intermediate writers are "interviews" and "journals," as well as listicles (10 Things Raven Likes, 9 People Raven Hates, etc); this likely means a character is told rather than shown.

(Wondering what's so intermediate about interviews and journals? See my guides to interviews and journals!)

Examples:

Susie was born on March 20, 2003 in Farmville, Iowa. She didn't like how similar her classmates all were - they all listened to the same music, read the same books (none!) and had the most fun when drinking on a tractor. Susie was more deep, and liked to write poetry and sketch the animals that lived on her family's farm. Today she was sitting outside Firefly High, twirling the ends of her blue-dyed hair and waiting for a ride home. 

Raven wasn't like most girls. She didn't like horses or rabbits, but only liked goats, because they represented the devil. Raven also wasn't like most girls, at least in Farmville, because she worshipped the devil. She wore a lot of black to represent this, and when she saw Susie, she sneered. Blue! Susie must be a normie. "Are you listening to popular music?" She asked. "What a phony."

Bramblepaw had spent all morning hunting and was feeling lonely. All he wanted was to share a squirrel with a friend, and maybe have someone groom the tricky spot behind his ears. He padded from the apprentice den to the warriors', to the elders and no one was home. He sat forlorn in the middle of the clearing. "Hello?" He meowed.

Another common trait of both beginner and intermediate writing is that posts might not leave much for a partner to reply to. The whole point of this weird hobby is to collaborate with a partner - if you're finding that it is hard to keep writing partners, you might take a look at my guide for writing posts that beg a response.

Intermediate writing is stronger than beginner writing, but still sometimes falls flat when it comes to collaboration with a partner, and is almost never beautiful to read. Intermediate writing is when advanced writing is just over the next hill - and that hill comes with a fair amount of work.

ADVANCED/LITERATE WRITING Advanced writing can be long or short, but the writing in either case packs a punch. Advanced writers use a variety of sentence structures, words, and literary devices. They might have specific imagery they use for specific characters, specific literary constructions for different characters, and there is a strong character voice in each post. Advanced writers write multifaceted characters with genuine flaws and fears, and advanced writers produce writing that is enjoyable to read, elegant and emotive. Applications will usually be anecdotal - will demonstrate key moments in a character's life, allowing the writer to show them in action rather than tell the reader what they are like. (A guide to anecdotal freestyle applications is available here.

Examples:

Everything felt the same in Farmville: identical rows of corn stretching endlessly over the horizon, pockmarked by the occasional farmhouse, white clapboard and falling shutters. Every person felt the same - Susie and Mary and Sarah and Joseph, strong peasant names living strong peasant lives, and never straying more than twenty miles from the town in which they were born.

Even Susie knew she had her place in the sameness: the once-every-generation girl who fancies herself to be more, as though her sketches of the sheep and pigs are any better than her grandmother's before her. As though dying her hair blue were enough to make her different when she knew she belonged here as sure as the hogs in the barn.

The only difference between Susie and her classmates was that she didn't have a car to get her to her evening job at the Road Ranger gas station, and her bike had disassembled itself after she'd pedaled it into a gopher hole, so here she was, sitting pathetically outside Firefly High, waiting for a ride. She'd almost rather be fired than beg for one. 

It’s the principle of the thing, Raven had told her mother that morning. Yes, it was 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity; yes, there was not a cloud in the sky and the fields absorbed heat like a winter sweater; yes, she was aware that her white makeup and Wet n' Wild eyeliner was falling off her face like The Scream. But it was the principle of the thing, wearing the long-sleeved black shirt with the hand-cut thumbholes, a long dark skirt; her only concession to the heat, a pair of thin gray flip-flops instead of her beloved Docs. She listens to Death Wish; she doesn't have one.

But nothing makes a Satantic rebel feel more a phony than feeling it drip off of them in the rural Iowa heat, and Raven wanted to take it out on someone. Fair? No, but life isn't fair; she's got that on a sticker on the electric guitar she saved up her Hy-Vee salary for and never learned to play. Maybe pretending to be an asshole has turned Raven into one.

She has no real problem with Susie - Susie Q., from math, or Susie C., from human geo; who knows, they're all the same - but she scoffs at her anyway, loud enough to catch Susie's attention. "What top-40 garbage are you listening to?"

Hunting is something they do together, or they're supposed to. But in the whole time he'd been out in the woods, Bramblepaw hadn't seen a single other cat - not playing at the stream, not waiting in a tree for the finches to return, not sitting along the RiverClan border to taunt their neighbors. If he'd been a Loner, just passing through, he would have thought the entire territory abandoned.

It was unsettling, and when he returned to the Camp, it was more of the same: everyone gone, without a trace; had he imagined them being here at all? Was it all in his head?

His mew sounded small and pitiful to even him, the mewl of a lost kitten. "Hello?"

Advanced writing makes more time for descriptions, scene-setting, and other narration. It doesn't feel "cringey," by which I mean if you read it 10 years from now you're probably not going to want to drown yourself. Please do not ask me about the 2005 Proboards forum I adminned and referenced for this tutorial.

So now that we can recognize what writing our level might be at - how do we shop for a site?

FINDING YOUR FIT

Now that you have a sense of where your writing sits, it's time to use that data point in searching for a new site to call home. Some sites make it easy for you by self-identifying as beginner, intermediate, or advanced; some sites may use "semi-literate" and "literate," but I know I stray from those labels because it feels like a value judgment, and as I said before:

there is nothing wrong with being part of a beginner or intermediate community, if that is what makes the most sense for your writing and for what you aim to get out of your roleplay experience!

Before applying to a new site, you should do a little bit of digging around to see if it's a good fit for you: 

Look at accepted character applications. How do these compare to your own writing?

Skim some threads from top posters. How does this community write and structure their threads? Could you see yourself regularly keeping up with their speed, length, literary quality?

To the above point - does it seem like the community has a tendency towards your personal writing pet peeves? (For example, I personally cannot stand purple prose, and if the site community is prone to it, I am OUT.)

This is in addition to all standard due-diligence site-hunting routines, e.g. not diving into the world of Southern Gothic supernatural if you're looking for, say, urban fantasy.

It's also worth thinking about how the community behaves on the server, if you join it:

Is there a thread shoutout/compliments/etc channel? What passages are members calling out in there as exceptional writing?

Do the members strike you as open-minded and friendly or as more of a closed group? If you choose to shoot for a level above your standard writing as a growth exercise, this will be easier to achieve with an open-minded and friendly group than with a group of snobs.

Do you enjoy the vibe? Something frequently overlooked, I think. If you don't like the energy of the community, just don't join the site - that is going to be much more productive for everyone than you joining and then trying to get the staff to fully re-engineer their community.

Be honest with yourself! Regardless of how much you like a site's plot, lore, and community, joining a site that sits above your writing proficiency is challenging. You might find your characters routinely pended for lacking the development of other characters onsite. Other members may not be enthusiastic to write with you - not necessarily out of snobbishness or elitism, but because it's not fun to feel like you're not getting equal effort or quality from a writing partner. And you might find yourself feeling insecure about how your writing stacks up to others (I've been writing on advanced sites for 10 years and I feel insecure about my own writing sometimes!) which might sap your muse.

If you are looking for a minimal-effort, minimal-stress rp experience, stick to sites that are at or below your writing level. Writing with people of similar skillset will help take the edge off any insecurity, and because writing will be lower-pressure and lower-effort, you will be better positioned to juggle multiple characters and more big plots. "Lower effort" doesn't mean "lazy" - it just means that you free up headspace that otherwise you might spend on the mechanics of writing versus the excitement of plotting.

If you are an intermediate writer seeking to write on an advanced site, you need to take a much more deliberate approach.

One thing I see often is intermediate writers applying multiple characters to an advanced site at once. This is a losing proposition. While staff might be willing to pend an app and work with you on revisions, if they see you submitting multiple applications that require major revisions and overhauls, they see a pattern. While staff might be willing to help you develop one character to their site's standard, if they anticipate you needing that level of coaching on every character, they will question your ability to keep up with their members in threads. Staff cannot be expected to assist members on writing each thread post - at that point, it becomes easier to decline all of the intermediate writer's applications.

If you are an intermediate writer seeking to write on an advanced site, you need to treat this as a "quality, not quantity" project.

When I was 13 I was writing very much at a beginner and intermediate level, just little Neopets rps with my friends. Then I joined a horse rp - an advanced rp - with a 1000 word minimum per post. While I am beyond thankful ridiculous word count minimums aren't common anymore, I can credit this rp with much of my growth as a writer.

I wrote one (1) character. And I only plotted her with a couple of others. I was very active in the OOC community, and was eventually made a mod - but when it came to IC activity, I focused all my energy on one character and just a couple of plots, because I spent hours on each post, making sure that I was matching my writing partners as best I could. It was much more work than the beginner & intermediate forums I was on with my friends, and much more work for much less action. But stretching like that is what made advanced writing get easier and easier - until I could balance two characters on an advanced site, then four, until now, when I write 12 characters on multiple advanced sites with relative ease. The real challenge is in keeping up with threads - not in matching quality anymore.

If you are an intermediate writer seeking to improve your writing, joining an advanced site is a great option for growth, but you need to adjust your expectations.

Here are my best tips for intermediate writers looking to make the jump to advanced - or, for that matter, for beginners to make the jump to intermediate: 

Focus, focus, focus. Choose one (1) character to write - no matter how tempted you are by want ads, no matter how many other ideas you get, no matter what your muse is throwing at you. Use all those on sites at your current level. For your reach site, pick one character.

Be receptive. Your one (1) character might take a revision or two to get out of a pend. Remember that staff don't pend apps to be assholes - they do it because they believe in you and think you have it in you to do the necessary revisions! If they thought you were a lost cause they wouldn't have wasted their own time with a pend. Be open to the idea that they know what works and is expected in their community. After all, if your character and your writing aren't appealing to the site community... you're not going to have anyone to write with!

Focus, focus, focus, part 2. You should not choose this character based on the volume of plots they can attract. Choose a character who has one or two very close plots for you to focus on. You might consider identifying a particularly kind member of the community and filling one of their want ads, so that this close plot is ready-made for you, and so this person can be a friendly face on your writing journey.

Be realistic. You might think: well, if I focus on one character for a few weeks, then I'll be ready to take on another, right? You might be or you might not. Don't rush it. This entire journey is about deliberation and intentionality. Don't take on a second character on an advanced site until writing the first to the same standard is noticeably easier.

Be kind to yourself. This is a lot of work! If you have the time for it, you might consider also staying active on a site that is at your writing level, so you have a place for easy writing, indulging your plot bunnies, etc.

I hope this tutorial has been a helpful resource to you, both in identifying how to find the right rp for you and in figuring out how to improve your writing, if you so choose. Happy writing!

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 1 reaction

So! It’s a million years too late, but I decided to talk about wtFOCK season 3. 

I had fairly positive feelings about S1 of wtFOCK. It was the scrappy underdog of the Skam remakes, in a way, and what it lacked in polish, it made up for authenticity. I was very willing to overlook its flaws because of what I perceived as genuine attempts to connect with teenagers. I was really, really holding out hope that future seasons would improve on its flaws. And ... well. (Disclaimer: I still haven’t seen S2. Sorry! I just failed to keep up with all the remakes and S2 is my least fave so I didn’t feel that motivated to make it a priority, even though I did like Zoë a lot in S1.)

Heads up - I didn’t care for this season. A lot of people did, and I would never, ever want to ruin someone’s enjoyment of something, even if I personally didn’t like it. So please take this as a warning that I have a lot of negative things to say, and don’t read if it’s going to harsh your buzz for a pairing or a story that you deeply love. However, I didn’t want to just be grumpy and angry the whole time, so I tried to think of constructive ways to fix certain problems I had with this season. No guarantees that they’re satisfying solutions, but it was an interesting exercise.

Also, I didn’t watch this in real time, and I paid barely any attention to fandom reactions and/or drama, so it’s very possible that I am missing context, or that pacing issues didn’t register with me quite as strongly, etc. If one of the actors ate a live dolphin on Instagram, and then got into a fight with fans on Twitter about their right to eat live dolphins, and now fandom has canceled the problematic dolphin-eating actor, I legit do not know, do not come at me if I’m like “This actor is doing a good job” with “Wow, didn’t know you stanned dolphin-eaters??? YIKES.” Honestly, for the purposes of just grading this season on a storytelling level, I would prefer not to know anything about the cast or crew unless it directly has an impact on the show itself.

Clip 1 - House party

OK, I did like this flashy intro shot, immersing us in the Wild ‘n’ Crazy Teen Party of Wild ‘n’ Crazy Youths.

Amber rejecting every dude in site … When Will Gay Vilde Rise. (I know there have been some f/f storylines in the remakes, but if there’s one involving an actual Vilde, please let me know.)

Luca saying “We’re not walking around in a high school drama” - you can hear the rimshot.

I do like the transition from the party up to the bathroom, that’s a cool shot. wtFOCK’s directing so far is more ambitious than it was in S1.

Robbe is clearly a mess and they acknowledge his problems at home right off the bat.

We go back downstairs. wtFOCK’s version of Magnus knocks his drink on Amber and she gets pissed. She gives him the finger and he falls in love. Still a better love story than S3 Daphne/Basile.

It’s a small point, but I don’t get why we didn’t get this moment before jumping up to the bathroom with Robbe and the others? It would be a far smoother transition, just on a practical level and also in the sense of fully immersing us in Robbe’s POV after a quick update with the other characters.

Belgian Magnus joins the guys in the bathtub and announces he’s in love. They roast him when they find out it’s Amber and start talking about hot chicks. Moyo starts grilling Robbe about his type of girl, in a crass, sexual way.

This is honestly not a bad start to Robbe’s story at all. Robbe is clearly more reluctant to get into his interest in girls than Isak was - Isak was more fuckboyish from the start, Robbe seems like he’s about to start squirming and doesn’t really give an answer to Moyo’s questioning. Which is fine! I think it’s fine to start off the POV character at different stages of performing heterosexuality, as long as it’s taken into account in the writing of the character’s whole arc. The fact that the boy talk is so crude and sexual just ramps up Robbe’s alienation.

I swear, I will never understand how the girls in this scene just go into the bathroom and pee in front of strange boys … like maybe I am just a ~prude but that seems like a recipe for disaster and I would not trust those little fuckers to not be secretly recording me on the toilet.

Her peeing is kind of a power move, like marking her territory.

Also L M A O at Robbe starting to flirt with the girl while she is pissing … like now this comes off as a kink thing. OK, Robbe. Jokes aside, this gets across the same meaning as the scene with Isak: he starts to flirt with her because he was encouraged by the other guys.

Uh, flush the toilet, lady. And use some TP.

Now this version of Emma seriously radiates some Natalie Portman in The Professional vibes.

She orders him to stand up and then starts kissing him. I get way less of a vibe of Robbe’s mad game with women (like how Isak negged Emma into kissing him) and more like this girl is the love interest out of an indie romcom, all mysterious and spunky. She kisses him like once after taking his jay and then leaves. The boys all crack up. Moyo tells Robbe it’s his responsibility to get the weed back which lmao, no it’s not, all you assholes were there and could have intervened.

This scene is perfectly fine and even effective! Not entirely the same vibes as OG, but it still has a purpose and some obvious cause-and-effect, and there are some nice stylistic choices.

Clip 2 - Party pt. 2

Robbe is now making out with mystery girl. We already have a divergence in characterization from OG. Isak was being performative about making out with Emma and shut it down once the guys left. Robbe is making out with this girl because he wants to be straight, I guess? If it’s not to appeal to his friends, it’s likely that this is for himself. Again, I have no real problem with this change if it’s incorporated into Robbe’s overall arc and characterization. My thing is, if you’re writing this scene, do you realize the differences in characterization? Or do you think this is interchangeable from what happened with Isak? The latter is where you run into problems, because then the writing shows lack of nuance. I bring this up here because, well, you can guess how I feel about later events. 

Luca seems rather aggro about the mystery woman, which I assume is because she still has the hots for Robbe?

It makes me laugh that we got this first-person POV as Robbe leaves through the garage, because of the “Smack My Bitch Up” song being played in the last clip (the song had an infamous music video, banned from MTV in the ‘90s, that was from a first-person POV). But again, WTFock is trying harder with the cinematography and direction, good for them.

Robbe ditches the cops by jumping on the bike with Belgian Emma. OK, I get it, Belgian Emma is too cool for school. 

I have kinda mixed feelings on that, actually. I mean, I’ll be honest - I don’t see why any Emma has to be made into someone more palatable. Definitely don’t demonize her or present her in a misogynistic way! She deserves sympathy and dignity as much as any character on a Skam. But … it’s fine if she and the Isak aren’t like, amazingly compatible except for his sexuality. The Even character is supposed to be the one who really shakes up the Isak’s world! The Isak is supposed to be lost and confused and drifting and then Even comes in and is someone he can really open up to. Not just because he’s another guy who’s into guys, but because Even’s personality meshes with Isak’s so easily while still challenging him and introducing him to new things. In a way, it does kinda diminish the effect of the Even if the Isak meets ANOTHER mysterious stranger who’s an awesome person. Or at the very least, it lessens the feeling of the Isak’s detachment from everything.

And again, this could work if the writing realizes it. You can totally craft a subtly different arc from the pieces of Isak’s season. It’s just that (speaking from the future) I do not feel this is what happened.

Clip 3 - Tagging time

I don’t think it’s necessary to break up all the parts of a longer scene/set piece into a bunch of different clips. If you start a scene at 16:00, it’s OK to have the clip take place over several hours. You don’t need to chop it up unless there’s a reason why this pacing might benefit the story. Honestly, if you’re watching in real time, I think this method is often less effective at building tension/emotion/etc. But wtFOCK is not the first remake to try this tactic.

... this part where Robbe and Noor put on masks sure hits differently in 2020.

Belgian Emma’s name is Noor and she takes him to a warehouse, or something? It’s very secret and Cool Kid. And IDK, it’s fun, but again… I think making the Emma that much of a fun mysterious cool exciting person is very much diminishing the effect of Robbe’s isolation. We had a good start with establishing that alienation while he was in the tub, but now his reactions to her rad hipness feel way too sincere and act against the major character conflict of his season. He seems nervous to go with her, but not because he’s with a girl, just because it’s a risky scenario.

Noor hands Robbe a spray paint can and leads him to tag a wall. There’s  a guy taking pictures. So I’m assuming one of the guys in masks is the Even? The POV seems to shift to the photo guy briefly, like we’re seeing Robbe through his eyes. And even though I’m not a fan of POV breakage, I do think this is a cool way to introduce the Even without really introducing him, you know? If that’s him. (EDIT from the future: Ummm, so that wasn’t Sander, right? I’m rewatching and it doesn’t look like him. Soooo that part has even less relevance than I originally thought. Got it.) (EDIT from the future beyond the future: @hellswolfie tells me that this actually was Sander, so I am just bad at recognizing people, lol.)

Robbe and Noor take off their masks briefly to kiss. Uhhhh, did the scene really just … cut off there? Because L M A O what a weird choice. We don’t get to see what Robbe creates on the wall, which could be a great way to establish his character, AND we end with him on a smiley, contented note which does not boost his POV at all. It legit just makes him seem like a guy who’s into this girl, and sorry, even if that’s his public persona at this point in time … that’s not what we, the audience should be getting at all. 

Clip 4 - Boy squad morning after

Robbe skateboards to meet up with the guy squad. Again, the directing is far better IMO than in S1.

Robbe got the weed back so that conflict is over, I guess.

He gets a call from his mom and stops laughing with the guys and gets serious. He walks away to take the call. Then he starts to open up to Jens about his mom freaking out, and then Moyo spots some girls so they all ditch Robbe to go chase girls, and WOW, Jens, please turn in your Jonas card. 

Don’t love that we didn’t hear his mom on the phone. There’s no reason not to let us hear what she’s saying since it would be in Robbe’s POV AND as it turns out, they just tell us about the situation with his mom right off the bat, anyway, so it’s not like there’s much point in hiding it. 

This was effective in a sense to establish how girl-crazy his friends are, as well as setting up Robbe’s isolation, which I was worried wouldn’t come across as strongly after meeting Noor. But I think they could have NOT mingled in his mom issues to make this part more effective. Like if the goal was to show more of Robbe being alienated because he’s gay, then that’s not entirely successful, because there are non-gay reasons why Robbe wouldn’t join his pals on the girl chase. I mean, even a horny hetero Robbe might not want to chase girls with his bros because talking to his mom is a downer, so it’s not necessarily because of his sexuality. Plus he just found a girl he liked in Noor, so apparently, he’s not on the prowl. What this part IS communicating that the Belgian guy squad doesn’t have much interest in their friend’s family struggles, which ... ehhhh, maybe not great in the grand scheme of the storyline? These guys can be flawed, for sure, but we do need them to care about Robbe’s well-being. And Robbe tried to open up here, so the flaw is not in him, it’s in his friends. I’m going to let it slide because Jens was offering to help Robbe in the first clip, so it’s not like he’s been a totally insensitive friend this whole time. 

Clip 5 - Phone call from Robbe’s dad

Noor jumps on Robbe and they make out. She shows him the garage and they talk about the tagging world or w/e. Again, not sure why they are portraying Noor as like … a legit love interest. I don’t get much of a sense of discomfort from Robbe. Isak was just not into Emma and was uncomfortable when his bathroom flirting came back to haunt him. And I don’t think it’s TERRIBLE not to follow that route, but you can’t just make this huge change if you don’t account for it in future episodes and Robbe’s overall arc. (EDIT from the future: Which I don’t think they do, otherwise I wouldn’t care.) Every scene should count in furthering Robbe’s character, especially this early in the season where we’re just getting to know his particular struggles. If Robbe is trying to convince himself to like girls, then I want to see definite vulnerability in how that’s portrayed.

I blame the directing/writing more than the acting for the lack of discomfort, since I sensed Robbe’s lack of comfort just fine in the bathtub scene.

Makeouts get interrupted when Robbe’s dad calls. Again, not sure why we aren’t hearing both sides of the conversation? Because we’re in Robbe’s POV. Why wouldn’t we hear them? This seems like they just want to create some suspense or mystery over the situation with his parents. But it’s perfectly possible to do so while still letting us in on the phone calls. In fact, it’s arguably more intriguing to let us listen to some phone calls where we get some vague details but nowhere close to the whole story. It’s not like Robbe’s dad is going to explain the whole situation to his son in an exposition dump. We can get some crumbs to tease us, while still keeping us in Robbe’s POV and not feeling like the show is cutting corners.

Robbe gets mad at his dad and tells Noor he needs to be alone. Closeup on Noor as Robbe walks away. OK … why? Why on her and not Robbe when it’s his POV? Why the focus on Noor’s feelings when we really need to be establishing our protagonist’s mindset in the beginning of this season? I’m not saying her feelings don’t matter, I’m saying that well, this isn’t her story. It would be better to see Robbe’s pained reaction as he leaves.

Clip 6 - Robbe’s dad drama

Jens comes running up while Robbe is being sad. Robbe says that it may be necessary for him to stay with Jens because Robbe’s mom has been committed to a mental health institution and Robbe doesn’t want to stay with his dad. Ah, so I guess we’re hearing that right away. Which honestly makes not hearing his phone calls to his parents even funnier - like you lock us out of his POV arguably for the suspense, but then you end the suspense anyway by just telling us what happened a scene or two later? All right. I guess there’s suspense in that we don’t know exactly what’s up with the mom, mental health-wise, or the root of Robbe’s problems with his dad.

It occurs to me that maybe they just didn’t want to hire people to voice Robbe’s parents? Or put in the time to film both sides of the conversation? I have a hard time believing either of those because it’s so lazy, but. 

I mean, just turn the phone conversations into text conversations if you’re not going to let us listen to Robbe’s parents on the other end.

They go and play football without really resolving the situation. Sad music plays while Robbe joins in. Also, someone was calling Robbe, and I assume it was his dad, but it’s not shown.

These clips are VERY short and choppy so far. You could easily combine the last two, so Robbe is with Jens instead of Noor when he gets the other phone call from his dad, leading into this conversation.

We know immediately about Robbe’s mom’s situation instead of it being a mystery, like with Isak. Which, again, isn’t inherently wrong, but then I want them to DO SOMETHING with it. 

Clip 7 - Jens and Jana

Oh hey, Jana got her braces off! IDK if that happened last season or this one, but it was something I liked, seeing a teenage girl with braces on a teen drama. That rarely happens unless it’s a joke or a plot point.

OK, they really need to film Robbe’s phone so I can actually see who’s calling…

Jens tells Jana about Robbe’s parental situation. I’ll note that first she asks if something’s up with Noor, so news of the Robbe/Noor relationship must have traveled really fast since they’ve only just gotten together. Like Robbe and Noor are clearly dating, going off Jana’s comment, and not just hooking up. Then Belgian Magnus wants to know about hooking up with Amber. Meanwhile Robbe is having a conversation off screen with his dad? Guess it wasn’t important!

And that’s the problem, obviously. It’s his POV season, anything you decide to show SHOULD be important to his storyline. 

Also … it’s fine that we’re focusing on Robbe’s shit home life since that’s relevant to his story, but almost nothing in these clips has set up Robbe’s attraction to men, and only slightly his lack of interest in girls, which was negated by him seeming very interested in a girl afterwards. And knowing how long this season takes to get going with the Even character, it’s a pretty glaring omission.

So we don’t see Robbe’s phone call with his dad, but he gets snappy about it when Jens asks. One of the boys (I can’t tell who) says that Robbe’s on his period.  Gonna be real, I don’t care for this squad so far. 

What was the point of this clip? We already know Robbe is having problems with his dad, which is the most relevant part to the plot here. We shouldn’t be wandering from Robbe’s POV so much, but even taking that into account … we already know Belgian Magnus likes Amber, so that’s not necessary to establish. And we didn’t need to see Jens tell Jana something we already know. I assume he tells her so Zoë can find out and offer a room, but there’s no reason to see Jens tell Jana this, so. Filler clip. 

Clip 8 - Zoë and Robbe at the lockers

Yeah, Zoë offers Robbe a place to stay here, but again, we didn’t need to see the news travel down the Jens-Jana pipeline. It could have been condensed more efficiently.

Robbe doesn’t want to because he says his dad wouldn’t approve. Zoë says she hopes things get better with his mom and Robbe at first snaps and tells her to leave it, then says thanks. This is an actual good interaction, writing-wise, kudos.

I liked Zoë a lot in S1 and I like her here again. I really should watch her season despite my Noorhelm allergy. The scene of them kinda smiling at each other across the hallways reminds me that this is probably the strongest relationship in the whole season, tbh.

Why was this clip so short? So many of these clips could have been combined into one. I mean, Zoë could have said, “I heard from Jana who heard from Jens...” without us needing the previous clip. Although, did Robbe really want anyone else to know about his home life? Lol @ Jens just blabbing Robbe’s private business.

So I guess they didn’t set up the Eskild situation in S2 that would lead to Eskild offering Robbe a place to stay? 

Clip 9 - Robbe gets roommates

Robbe is in Zoë’s room. He sees her “everyone you know is fighting a battle” quote next to the mirror, which is a detail I actually quite like in context with the rest of this storyline and Even’s condition. It’s a good Skam thesis overall.

I guess Zoë met with Robbe’s dad. Zoë calls him a tough cookie. Robbe doesn’t want to speak to him. They bond a little over their parental problems. Again, a nice detail.

Belgian Eskild appears and teases Robbe a little before announcing that Robbe’s dad has agreed to let him stay in the flat. Yay!

Oh, so Senne is staying there, too? At least they didn’t do a pointless Noorhelm breakup in this version.

Milan (the Eskild) tries to go in for a hug and Robbe isn’t cool with it, so at least that’s something with Robbe’s issues with men. (I think? The thing is, Robbe also does not really know Milan, so it’s not as weird that he’s not ready to be affectionate with a near-stranger.)  (EDIT from the future: Keeping the S2 almost-kiss that’s referenced in the next clip in mind, I can rationalize this moment as a continuation of that awkwardness from Robbe’s POV.) 

They chat with Lisa (Linn) who wants to direct Robbe on what he is and isn’t allowed to touch in her room, heh.  Milan and Zoë have cute interaction, and Robbe looks happy. I do like the flatmate vibe so far, they seem fun.

Clip 10 - Robbe and Milan

Senne and Zoë get cute. I haven’t seen S2 so I can’t give my opinion on their version of Noorhelm, but I did think a few things about them were less creepy in wtFOCK’s S1 than in OG. Milan talks about how they’re a Disneylike couple and Robbe laughs.

Then Robbe apologizes for something that evidently happened in S2, where Milan tried to kiss Robbe at a party? Again, I didn’t see the scene. Milan says he’d never try to do that. He offers Robbe a hug, which he accepts - tbh I don’t know if Robbe SHOULD accept based on where he is in his character arc, maybe he should have more skittishness? But it’s a nice character moment, at least. They really have to make up for lost time with the Robbe-Milan relationship, so I can get that they need to establish some closeness fast.

Not being in the wtFOCK fandom, I kinda wonder if there was backlash to that scene from before and this is damage control, LMAO.

I feel like you could’ve tweaked this to be more representative of Robbe’s issues, like have him stress here that he’s not gay, because it’s a sweet scene but again, I don’t feel like this episode built up Robbe’s internal dilemma very well. You could make this not just about smoothing over whatever bump there was in this relationship, but also about setting up some internal tension with Robbe’s sexuality issues. Multi-tasking - it’s great!

EDIT from the future: OK, I tracked down the S2 scene, and yeah, while it illustrates some of Robbe’s internalized homophobia, I really think you needed to carry this through to this clip. Because that was a very public situation, and they made a point of emphasizing onlookers’ reactions. I feel like you need to show that Robbe’s internalized homophobia isn’t just about external reactions, but internal struggles, because ... so far, that’s what it is? Like what is he doing with Noor otherwise? 

Clip 11 - Housewarming party

Party is underway. Yasmina is there and is friendly with Robbe. It sounds like they’re working on a school project together. Aaron (Magnus) and Moyo are talking about hot chicks again.

Noor arrives and the boys tease Robbe about how far he’s gone, Robbe looks pretty chill and happy until Moyo says Robbe’s getting laid tonight and you can see the nerves and reluctance take over. Okay! A character detail that actually works for his arc! Yes!

Partying, makeouts with Noor … sorry but they are wasting a lot of time with this relationship. ROBBE ISN’T INTO HER. Here’s the thing: I don’t want to demonize any of Evak’s female “love interests,” right? It’s pointless anyway because Evak is the endgame pairing, Sonja and Emma aren’t “threats” in the end, but also because they’re not bad people just for wanting to date these two guys who happens to want each other instead. And I think you can do interesting things with Sonja and Emma as characters. I’ve read Sonja fanfic that’s really good!

But when it comes down to it … this is not the story of Robbe/Noor, and there’s a point where it feels like there’s too much development for something that is really intended to be a speed bump in Robbe’s journey. 

I guess it’s a pet peeve of mine when gay stories devote a ton of time to het relationships, to the point where it begins to overshadow the main gay relationship. Love, Victor did this to an absolutely ridiculous degree. (I actually made notes for Love, Victor reactions, but hesitated to post them because 60% consisted of me typing I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE STRAIGHT ROMANCES.) And I GET it, this is an experience many gay kids go through in their coming out journey, but also, less charitably… you don’t need het romance to dominate everything. You don’t need to make this about how a gay person being gay hurts a straight person. I genuinely appreciate that once Isak kisses Even, it’s fucking over with him and Emma, that plot thread is done. 

Anyway, Noor tells Robbe he’s so fucking hot and Robbe looks more uncomfortable, moreso when she wants to see his room and he goes off like he’s headed to Mordor.

Aaron checking out Amber … okay, again with all the het. I don’t care!!! This is not important right now!! 

Noor pushes Robbe onto the bed, ugh please don’t have them Go There.

She takes off her top and Robbe touches her boob like he’s sticking his hand into a porta-potty. We see his discomfort so at least this part is effective and relevant to Robbe’s arc. Noor is taking off her bra when the boys come into the room, wanting the weed. Okay, you dumb fucks, you’re teasing your bro about getting laid and yet you think it’s cool to enter his room when he’s with a girl? I mean, that’s a lucky break for Robbe, but his friends are extra stupid.

The mood is killed, Robbe goes hunting for weed. Episode ends.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Lmao, some of my changes sounded a lot like “be like OG Skam S3.” Because Skam S3 was well-written and made sense. But I tried to think of edits that worked with what wtFOCK was presenting, not just repeating OG.

(I’m also repeating a few things in this section that I said above, btw)

While this episode doesn’t make me angry or anything, it’s got a serious problem with dithering. The first clip is a solid start to the season, but afterwards, so many of these clips feel like filler. There’s a lack of substance to them. It was hard to write about them because they ended up feeling like two minutes of nothing. 

Did we need to see repetitive mentions of Robbe’s troubled relationship with his dad? No, it’s an important plot detail but we could have established that more concisely in fewer clips. Did we need to see the process of how Robbe comes to stay with Zoë, Senne, and Milan? No, not really. Or at least not dragged out over at least three clips. 

I don’t feel like I’m in Robbe’s head to the extent that I should be  so far. Some of this is because the show just flat-out locks us out of his POV, like not showing the phone call in the Jens-Jana clip. But a lot of it is also because of the narrative dawdling. There’s just not as much to analyze unless I bring in Skam season 3 and project what we know about Isak onto Robbe. And that’s not a good way to adapt a story.

The framing of Robbe/Noor needs to change. Combine the bathroom intro with the aborted sex scene - the boys are sitting in the tub, teasing Robbe about getting laid, so he makes out with Noor and they go into a bedroom where he’s clearly not into this, and then Moyo and Aaron come in asking for weed because Robbe still actually has the weed from the bathtub at this point. Or do what Skam France did (can’t believe I’m referring to Skam France) and have the arrival of the cops interrupt the makeout/sex session and Robbe takes his cue to exit.

But frankly, it’s not great to have Robbe acting or looking too cozy with Noor, like this is a legitimate romantic arc except when it gets to the sex. The point is that this isn’t a romance. Even if you want to show some cuddly, non-sexual scenes with Noor, you have to show more of Robbe’s reluctance and fear throughout. 

Show Robbe’s fucking phone conversations with his parents!!!! Good Lord. He’s not ordering a pizza. These are important aspects of his story. Capitalize on that family tension, show us what a bad place Robbe is in at the start of this season. 

Now, about the lack of Even in this episode. Not introducing Even is a bold move, but not necessarily a smart one. Even’s introduction in Skam is not just the intro of “the love interest” - he’s the catalyst for almost everything in Isak’s story. Consider that in episode 1, Isak is seen mostly unhappy and bored - he’s distraught after kissing Emma, he’s checked out of his friends’ lunchtime girl talk, he zones out staring at his teacher’s boobs, he doesn’t want to be at kosegruppa. Isak is actually very passive and just going through the motions, doing what people tell him to do. But once Isak meets Even at kosegruppa - well, that’s when Isak wakes up. In the next few clips, we see Isak taking action. And sure, they’re small actions, searching for Even online, watching the Even video over and over, asking Vilde if there will be more kosegruppa meetings. But we can see that Isak now cares about something, he’s paying attention. Of course, Robbe’s story doesn’t have to follow the same arc. However, it does the season a huge benefit to get him intrigued by something at this point, so we the audience are not just sleepwalking along with him for a few episodes.

There’s also just the simple fact that we have only 10 episodes to establish a love story and make us care about the Even character, and it’s a very risky move to waste too much time. If you are really killing it with the rest of Robbe’s arc, this could still work, but ... well, that’s not what’s happening here.

If they didn’t want to full on introduce the Even directly, one thing they could do is subtly and indirectly find ways to include him in the narrative and create some mystery. Let’s say Robbe sees the Even’s artwork somewhere and is like whoa, that’s cool, and we can tell that it resonates with him. Or he admires Even’s graffiti, or it makes him laugh, whatever. Basically Robbe has some kind of emotional reaction to a thing the Even has created or done, which helps to set up that relationship even before we officially meet the Even.

If we want to add a little more, perhaps Robbe sees a mysterious dude in a mask tagging a wall, but they get interrupted by the cops or something and have some kind of brief but intriguing interaction with each other, and Robbe’s like, who was that guy in the mask? Or Noor takes Robbe to the tagging place, the police/security bust them, Robbe and Noor get separated, and Robbe gets helped out by the Even so he can escape. So it’s an important moment, lots of adrenaline, we can frame it like there’s a sudden ~charge~ between them (ooOOOooo the Even helped Robbe stand up and their hands touched like this was a fanfic, etc.), but he doesn’t learn Even’s name, maybe he doesn’t even see his face because Even has a mask on, so Robbe spends part of the next few episodes trying to figure out who that guy is, casually asking Noor if she knows a guy like that, keeping his eyes open. Maybe we have some fakeouts where Robbe thinks he sees the Even again but it’s just a false alarm. He’s on edge, eager to know more about that mystery guy, and so are we. Bam, we have “awakened” Robbe from his deep sleep. 

If you’ve seen Netflix’s The Get Down, there’s even a scene like this where Jaden Smith’s character gets caught tagging by the cops, he runs and flees with another young dude, and they have a moment where they recognize each other as graffiti artists they admire. While watching that scene for the first time, without any context or spoilers, without even knowing if there would be LGBT content in that show, I immediately thought, “This guy is his love interest.” Not even because it was overtly romantic. Because the way it was written and shot told us that this meeting was important. Because they had an instant connection. Something similar could have worked for Robbe and his Even. But in any case: it would have been best to establish something between those characters, even if it wasn’t an “official” introduction.

Stop focusing on Aaron/Amber when it’s not in Robbe’s POV. Reverse the scene at the beginning with Aaron videotaping and Amber getting spilled on. She gets pissed, he falls in love, and then we follow him upstairs and we meet the boy squad. That is a very obvious, very clean transition that doesn’t interrupt Robbe’s POV as it technically hasn’t started yet. So IDK why they didn’t do that, lmao.

Some changes with the Milan relationship:

Tweak the apology scene to be more representative of Robbe’s issues. Have Robbe apologize while still stressing that he’s not gay. Have Milan be chill and not question that statement, but maybe Robbe is so defensive that it comes across as unconvincing. 

Then have Milan be the one instead of the boys to interrupt the Noor almost-sex scene. Milan wanders in acting drunk, haha Milan, he’s wacky. Robbe doesn’t realize it (though the viewers do if they’re paying attention) but Milan is only pretending and is “subtly” rescuing Robbe because he realizes, based on the earlier scene, that Robbe might be struggling with his sexuality and he wants to give him an escape option. (Although I still think it’s best to combine the not-sex scene into the opening clip, but this could work, too.)

Basic questions we need to be asking, clip to clip: what is the conflict? Where is Robbe’s head right now? Why is this scene necessary? How did this scene come to be - what’s the cause and effect here? How does it advance Robbe’s story? Is it redundant? How do we tell this story in a narratively economical manner? 

[hadeschan]

item # K14B54

Pra Khun Paen Pong Prai Kumarn Luang Phu Tim, Roon Mongkon Silalerk, Nua Pong, Pim Yai. A large-size holy powder Pra Khun Paen amulet, blended with Pong Prai Kumarn holy powder of Luang Phu Tim of Wat Laranrai, Rayong Province. Made by Nittayasan Sian Pra (Sian Pra Buddha Amulet Magazine), made to commemorate the Stone Laying Ceremony for the beginning of the construction of Sala Vijit Thammarath Building at Wat Laranrai in BE 2537 (CE 1994). Blessed by: Luang Phor Choiie, the Abbot of Wat Laharnrai, Luang Phu Boon of Wat Baan Na, Luang Phu Kram of Wat Wang Wa, Luang Phor Sawas of Wat Gra-sae-bon, Luang Phor Sint of Wat Laharnyai, and Luang Phor sakorn of Wat Nong Krap, the disciple of Luang Phu Tim of Wat Laharnrai.

…………………………………….

In the back is with an imprint of Yant Maha Chindamanee, the Wealth & Prosperity Cabalistic Writings of Luang Phu Tim of Wat Laharnrai.

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PRA KHUN PAEN

The Pra Khun Paen is a type of amulet with figure of Pra Buddha Chinnaraj seating inside an elaborate arch. This type of amulet was first discovered at Wat Pra Roop Archaeology Site, Suphanburi Province. And such type of ancient baked clay amulet with figure of Pra Buddha Chinnaraj is called “Pra Khun Paen” ever since. It was called Pra Khun Paen to honor the Thai famous Warrior General Khun Paen, the Governor of Suphanburi Province in the Kingdom of Ayutthaya.

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BEST FOR: Pra Khun Paen is one of Thailand’s Best amulets for Nak-layng in Thai refers to ruffian (a violent person, especially one involved in crime), Mafia Boss, Crime Prevention Police Officer, Park Ranger, Field Soldier and Nak-layng Poo Ying (a connoisseur of women / a womanizer). Kongkraphan Chatrie (it makes you invulnerable to all weapon attack), Klawklad Plodpai (it helps push you away from all danger), Maha-ut (it stops gun from shooting at you), Mahasanay (Magic Charm) it helps turn you to prince charming in the eyes of girls, Metta Maha Niyom (it helps make people love you, and be nice to you), Wealth & Prosperity, Maha Laap (it brings lucky wealth). It warns danger coming ahead. Kaa Kaai Dee (it helps tempt your customers to buy whatever you are selling and it helps attract new customers and then keep them coming back. And Ponggan Poot-pee pee-saat Kunsai Mondam Sa-niat jan-rai Sat Meepit (it helps ward off evil spirit, demon, bad ghost, bad omen, bad spell, curse, accursedness, black magic, misfortune, doom, and poisonous animals).

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THE MAKING OF PONG PRAI KUMARN (PONG PRAI KUMARN MAHA PHUUT)

Guru Monks from Thailand who made the best Pong Prai Kumarn are LP Tim of Wat Laharnrai, Rayong Province and LP Tay Kongthong of Wat Sam-ngam Nakorn Pathom Province.

WHAT IS PONG PRAI KUMARN?

It’s a holy powder used for making amulets, and it contains human remains. According to a speech by LP Tim of Wat Laharnrai “obtaining help from power of the Buddha requested by the amulet owners is too slow, but obtaining help from ghosts (spirits) to answer the prayers of the amulet owners is alot faster”.

IS IT BLACK MAGIC? No, it’s not. The Guru monks like LP Tim and LP Tay Kongthong would perform ritual ceremonies to turn / ordain ghosts (spirits) of the dead to “monks”, in Thai called “Buet Phee”. The ghosts (spirits) will not do any harm to the amulet wearers. Those spirits will only do good things and help the amulet wearers for their own merit.

WILL THOSE HOLY SPIRITS LEAVE THE AMULETS? Possibly not. Why? Because each day in spirit world is equal to 100 ordinary solar years of our planet.

WHAT IS ITS POWER?

1) It could make you have a highly activated sixth sense. Sixth sense, or subtle perception ability, is our ability to perceive the subtle-dimension, or the unseen world of angels, ghosts, Heaven (Swarga), etc. It also includes our ability to understand the subtle cause and effect relationship behind many events, which is beyond the understanding of the intellect. Extrasensory perception (ESP), clairvoyance, premonition, intuition are synonymous with sixth sense or subtle perception ability.

2) Maha Larp, it brings lucky wealth.

3) Maha Sanay, it brings magic charms

4) Metta Maha Niyom, it helps you gain loving, kindness and compassion from people all around you.

5) Klaw Klad, Pold Pai, it pushes you away from all danger.

6) Warning of danger

HOW WAS IT MADE?

According to the interview of Mr.Kularp Joichareon (Mor Larp), in BE 2515 (1972) LP Tim had the intention to make Buddha amulets as gifts to people who donated for the construction of Sala Pawwana Pirath Building at Wat Laharnrai, and LP Tim told 2 of his non-monk disciples, Mr.Sai Keawsawang, and Mr.Kularp Joichareon (Mor Larp) that “we will go to get the good stuff tonight, the undertaker will cremate E Som at Wat Laharnrai by tomorrow. And the 2 of you must prepare things for the ritual ceremony”. E Som or Mrs.Som was a pregnant girl, a relative of Mr.Sai Keawsawang`s wife. E Som had a fight with her husband and later committed suicide with 7-8 months pregnancy. E Som died on Saturday and was going to be cremated on Tuesday. After 11 pm that night LP Tim later told Mr.Sai Keawsawang, and Mr.Kularp Joichareon that he would go to bed, and LP Tim said “you have to practise what I have taught you yourself!”, so Mr.Sai Keawsawang, and Mr.Kularp Joichareon had to ride bicycles to the grave yard of Wat Laharnyai where the body of E Som was buried, by themselves. Soon after arriving at the grave of E Som, Mr.Sai Keawsawang, and Mr.Kularp Joichareon did the ritual ceremony to ask permission from the Master of the Grave yard, and then asked E Som to give the skull of her unborn child, and some oil from her flesh (Namman Prai) around her abdominal area.

The next day (Tuesday) before the cremation of E Som`s body at Wat Laharnrai, Mr.Sai Keawsawang, and Mr.Kularp Joichareon told the undertaker not to burn her body to ashes. Before cremation, Mr.Sai Keawsawang drilled a hole in the ground of cremation site under the position E Som’s body would be placed, and put an empty iron can to capture body fat of E Som while being burnt. After cremation, in the night, when everybody had left, Mr.Sai Keawsawang, and Mr.Kularp Joichareon went to the cremation site with one kettle of holy water given by LP Tim. Mr.Sai Keawsawang, and Mr.Kularp Joichareon collected the skull of E Som’s unborn child, a rib bone from E Som’s womb area, E Som`s skull, and the iron can that contained Namman Prai.

After getting what they wanted Mr.Sai Keawsawang, and Mr.Kularp Joichareon threw holy water from the kettle from their heads to their toes, to wash away bad omens that would come with the stuff they were taking from the cremation site. Mr.Sai Keawsawang, and Mr.Kularp Joichareon gave the stuff to LP Tim, and LP Tim performed a ritual ceremony in his monk-house alone, non-stop for 3 days and 3 nights without food, drink (LP Tim was a vegetarian), or sleep. After LP Tim’s ritual ceremony, LP Tim gave the 2 skulls and bone to Mr.Kularp Joichareon to grind them into powder by stone mortar. Soon after the grounding had finished, that stone mortar magically broke into 2 pieces. Mr.Kularp Joichareon could grind those bone and skulls into an amount of fine powder that would fit inside 1 can of Mali Sweetened Condensed Milk 397 ml. Mr.Kularp Joichareon also had to grind 108 kinds of sacred, sun dried herbs, along with a large amount of fertilizer they had previously dried out, then mixed it all with the bone powder. Mr.Kularp Joichareon`s mixture was equivalent to about 1 jar (7200 ml). This was later mixed with Holy Powder`s made by LP Tim including Pong Pattamang, Pong Ittijay and Pong Tri Nisinghe. The total quantity of finished Pong Prai Kumarn was equivalent to about 3 quarters of an iron bucket (16 litres).

TRANSLATION BY HADES CHAN

PROOF READ BY CHRIS KIDD

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WARNING: This amulet contains human remains. Not suitable for people who have Spectrophobia (the fear of ghosts). People who have Spectrophobia cannot control themselves while experiencing ghosts, they might have sudden cardiac death or cause harm to themselves from temporary loss of consciousness.

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DIMENSION: 3.30 cm high / 2.40 cm wide / 0.50 cm thick

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item # K14B54

Price: price upon request, pls PM and/or email us hadeschan@gmx.us

100% GENUINE WITH 365 DAYS AUTHENTICITY GUARANTEE.

Item location: Hong Kong, SAR

Ships to: Worldwide

Delivery: Estimated 7 days handling time after receipt of cleared payment. Please allow additional time if international delivery is subject to customs processing.

Shipping: FREE Thailandpost International registered mail. International items may be subject to customs processing and additional charges.

Payments: PayPal / Western Union / MoneyGram /maybank2u.com / DBS iBanking / Alipay / Wechat Pay

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[here4theheartbreak]

Eat the Rich (Because They're Rotund and Delicious) (JinKook)

AO3 Link Here!

Relationships: Jin x Jungkook Genre(s): Smut, Dark (ish), Dark Humor

Rating: Explicit Tags: smut, dark au, serial killers, cannibalism, vigilantism, serial killer Jungkook, non-graphic violence, dirty talk, bottom!Jungkook, top!Jin, rough sex, bareback, coming untouched

Summary: Jungkook had a mission. That mission may involve killing people and burying the bodies. It's going great... Until the bodies go missing.

Word Count: ~6.5k A/N: Written for @bangtanxm​ ‘s March drabble prompt! If you love mxm bangtan go check us out! We have a discord open as a safe and welcoming community for mxm readers, writers, betas, etc.

From an objective standpoint, most people would say that murder was bad. But on a more broad scale – is anything really objectively bad or good? Could certain things, seen as unlawful and therefore as “bad” by the wider community, be good in some circumstances? Jungkook believed the answer to that was yes. Jungkook was had also killed six people in the last year alone, so he knew his response may have been somewhat biased.

It wasn’t that Jungkook planned to become a serial killer, those he killed just sort of ended up under his knife, so to speak… But that wasn’t entirely true. He planned his kills, down to the finest detail. It was how he escaped notice for so long. The victims deserved their punishment anyway, and it wasn’t as if he enjoyed what he did.

Except the look in their eyes when the pain from his initial slice, always a paper-thin nick between the fingers, almost too shallow to bleed, hit them… That was fun. Or the way they begged for forgiveness as if he were a priest taking last rites. Jungkook was no priest. He was a punisher, some would even call him a devil.

But the devil was the men and women he killed. The lives he snuffed out for the greater good of the community. He wasn’t a serial killer, he was saving people. He never killed an innocent man or woman, he never killed anyone that had a chance of being saved, or even those that would be caught for their crimes. No, he killed the ones that got away with it. The ones that hurt their children and the system turned a blind eye. The ones that rigged ballots and bribed the police. The ones that leered at school girls and boys and kept encrypted files of despicable material on their computers. Jungkook didn’t hurt anyone that didn’t deserve it.

The punishment in today’s world never fit the crime, his adoptive brother always ranted. Really, it was Namjoon that he got the idea from. His brother was a genius, and passionate about justice and the law… But he was soft. He was passive. All bark and no bite. But Jungkook could bite. So, he started listening to his brother’s rants. Memorizing names and researching himself, determining if the person was really as evil as Namjoon had implied. Most of the time the answer was yes. Jungkook drew his first blood when he was sixteen, a porcine lawyer in his forties that had bribed the judge to let a fraudulent business owner off the hook. The man had tried to bribe Jungkook too, saying he would pay for his college, get his family into a nice home, give him any sum of money if he would just let him go. The hot, bitter spray of the man’s punctured carotid artery was sweeter than any bag of Banana Kick he’d ever had. Just over a month later, he sliced the throat of the fraudulent businessman and buried him in the same deep grave as his (now literally) slimy lawyer.

Jungkook had been doing his job for four years when he met Jin. Tall, broad shouldered, an amazing cook, and stunning in both looks and personality (and bed, Jungkook learned a few months after their first date) – Jin was everything he dreamed of in a partner. And what was more, Jin didn’t seem to question his unwillingness to talk about his background before he was adopted by Namjoon’s parents, or his quirks that other partners had found obsessive, clingy, or annoying. Jin also didn’t mind the odd hours he kept, and that was vital. Lover or not, Jungkook wasn’t going to give up on his work. So a year later, when Jin asked him to move into his spacious apartment, Jungkook almost said no. But his affection for Jin, and his trust in him, despite his vow to himself that he would never trust someone outside of his adoptive family, made him say yes.

And things were going splendidly. That was, until Jungkook turned on the news one morning while Jin cooked breakfast only to find out that the location of his dumping grounds for the past twelve months was being dug up and converted into an apartment complex.

He made a point to switch dumping grounds every year so his kills wouldn’t be so overcrowded. He also made a point to clean up his mess to the point of neuroticism… But the risk was always there. His psychiatrist as a young teen had called him obsessive compulsive, and even Namjoon had mentioned it a few times, but Jungkook preferred organized. He needed things done a certain way, that was all. And Jin didn’t seem to mind. If anything, Jin was similar, especially when it came to the industrial style kitchen he used to manage his catering service.

Panic settled in like a heavy stone in the pit of Jungkook’s stomach, ruining his appetite for breakfast and his ability to focus on his work that day. He kept the news on constantly, updates about the building project. What would the headline say, he wondered? Serial killer burial ground discovered? Maniac graveyard unearthed? Six corpses found – serial murderer at large? Getting caught was something Jungkook had frankly never planned for. He was doing a good thing. He was helping. He was careful. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Two days later, the news showed the plot of land. It had been almost entirely dug out. Surely deep enough to uncover the remains of his victims. Panic turned to confusion. Why would the police hide the discovery of the bodies? He’d murdered some wealthy people; their relatives were offering large sums of money for information. This would make headlines. Or it should have, at least.

Finally, the tension got to be too much for Jungkook. Late Saturday night, when he knew the construction site would be shut down, Jungkook donned his hoodie and snuck out of the apartment, citing a need for a jog at Jin’s adorable and questioning glance.

He drove as far as he dared before getting out and walking to the site, pulling up his hood to hide his face from cameras that may be lurking. As he’d suspected, when he shined his flashlight over the dig, it was definitely deep enough to have unearthed every one of his corpses. And not to mention, it was directly over where the majority of them were – at one point – buried. The flashlight swept over the gargantuan yellow machinery before landing on an innocuous spot behind a bulldozer. His newest victim should have been buried right there.

Jungkook skimmed the area for any obvious cameras before grabbing a shovel and pocketing his flashlight. He was used to doing this in the dark. He began to dig, counting his shovelfuls steadily.

When he reached the allotted number of shovelfuls (the burial had to match the crime) he dropped to his knees and pawed at the wet ground, expecting to drive his hand through a liquifying corpse. But he only pulled out fistfuls of wet dirt. Panic bubbled up in Jungkook’s throat and he spun around on his knees, eyes darting over the construction site. He didn’t make a mistake. Jungkook didn’t make mistakes. This was where she was supposed to be. Jungkook pressed his palms against his temples, a low groan vibrating from the pit of his stomach. His breathing increased as he replayed the murder in his mind. How could he be so useless? A mistake like this would cost him everything. His family would hate him, Jin—Oh God, Jin would leave him, he’d end up rotting in jail, he was so fucking stupid.

A voice seemed to whisper through the night, calling his name. If he believed in ghosts, he’d say it was the ghosts of the ones he’d killed, asking where their bodies were? What good was he as a savior if he couldn’t even lay them to rest properly?

The voice echoed again, a little stronger and louder. Jungkook opened his eyes, pulling his flashlight out and flicking it on. The beam darted over the various machinery before landing on a human shaped form a few feet away. Jungkook gasped, jerking backwards. His hand clenched around the shaft of the shovel and lifted it. The person raised their hands in surrender and lifted one hand higher, shoving the black hoodie back from their face.

“Seokjin?” Jungkook hissed.

“Yeah, it’s me, Jungkook. Just me.”

“What are you doing here?”

Jin smiled softly, taking a tentative step toward Jungkook. “You’re not going to find her.”

“Who?”

“The body. Don’t worry. They’re all gone. You won’t be caught.”

Instead of relaxing him, Jin’s words knotted Jungkook’s nerves a hundred times more tightly. “I—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“JK. Come on. I’ve known you for two years. You think I didn’t know? I’ve known since before you moved in.”

Jungkook gripped the shovel tighter, rising to his feet. Jin’s eyes darted down to the shovel and back to Jungkook’s tense face. “Hey… I know you’re scared.”

“You can’t know.”

“I’ve known for a while, baby. Just put the shovel down. I promise, your secret is safe. Nobody will find any traces here. Let’s go home. It’s cold and late.” Jin took a tentative step forward, but stopped when Jungkook raised the shovel a few inches.

“How do you know?” He hissed.

“I will explain it all. I just would prefer to do so at home.”

“No! How! You can’t know! You—You can’t, you wouldn’t understand…” Jungkook began to shake, his vision greying as he gasped for breath. Jin rushed forward and Jungkook tried to swing. He was too slow, and Jin caught his wrist, squeezing and twisting just enough to get him to lose his grip on the shovel. It fell with a thud to the dirt. Jin wrapped his arms around Jungkook, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“I do understand, Jungkookie. I do. I promise, I don’t hate you, I understand. I love you. Please, let’s go home, safe, so I can talk to you, hm?”

Jungkook shivered in Jin’s grip, his mind racing like a rabbit on a track. Jin couldn’t. He had to be hallucinating or worse. Nobody would understand. They’d think he was a monster, they’d hate him and leave him all alone. And maybe he was a monster – he killed people.

Jungkook barely noticed as Jin pulled him forward, keeping a firm arm around his shoulders. He let Jin push him into the passenger seat of the car and buckle him in, his entire body feeling numb and cold. He’d been so careful. There was no way Jin could know. The reality of what Jin said was really hitting him; he knew, he’d known for a while, he didn’t leave. Why didn’t he leave? Nobody wanted to be around a freak that murdered people. Unless he was a freak himself. Jungkook glanced over at Jin. Was he a murderer? Did he kill at random? Would he kill Jungkook now that the secret was out?

Questions circled round and round in Jungkook’s head, each without an answer and each more concerning than the last. Even as they reached the apartment, Jin hadn’t spoken a word. Which was potentially most concerning. Jin was always happily chatting during their car trips, almost to the point that it drove Jungkook crazy at times. The silence was worse.

They entered the apartment Jungkook had called home for a year, and Jin guided him to the couch, sitting him down before disappearing into the kitchen.

What was next? Jungkook wondered as he sat on the couch. Was there any coming back from this? Jin returned shortly, carrying two steaming mugs. He set them on the coffee table and took a seat next to Jungkook.

“Can you look at me, baby?”

“Do you hate me?” Jungkook whispered. His voice sounded hollow to his ears, ragged from stress and fear.

“I love you,” Jin said firmly. He grabbed Jungkook’s chin and tilted his head up, their gazes meeting. “I love you and that’s why I didn’t tell you I knew. I knew it would send you spiraling, just like this, it would make you question yourself and me. I thought it would be better if I helped in silence, instead of risking unsettling your patterns.”

“Where are the bodies?”

Jin’s jaw twitched. He glanced at the couch between their laps and then reached out for his mug, sipping at it. “That’s…. Hard to explain,” he whispered.

“What did you do to them?” Jungkook asked again. “I need to know, you know I have to know.”

“I know. I just… Jungkook, you’re not the only one with secrets like this.”

“What do you mean?”

Jin stayed silent a moment. “The bodies will never be found, I can assure you of that.”

“How, Jin?”

“Well, because we… We’ve eaten them.”

Jungkook reeled back on the couch instantly, barely noticing the way Jin shied away from his abrupt movement.

“I had to have misheard that.”

“I cooked them. And we ate them,” Jin whispered, hanging his head.

“No… You’re… I don’t eat people!” Jungkook cried.

“I do. I have for a very long time. I used to…” Jin shrugged. “I used to just make deals with funeral home directors. Little things here and there. A special treat. But when you and I started dating and I found out your secret, it all seemed like fate. I could get a supply of meat and you’d be safe.”

Jungkook covered his mouth, a sick feeling settling into his stomach. “And you fed them… To me.”

“I’m sorry. I just—Once you moved in, I – I couldn’t make up lies for why you couldn’t eat the food I was eating. I went through great lengths to make sure they were safely prepared, just like any other cut of meat.”

Jungkook rose, turning away from Jin. He was full of nervous energy. A knot of nausea and something else… Some undefinable emotion… Rolled around in his stomach. His hands felt clammy and forehead damp with sweat, his muscles were tense and tight. He began to pace, wringing his hands together. “You eat people!”

“Please, Jungkook, please don’t hate me. It worked so well, I was helping, I thought, I—I wanted you to feel safe and I knew telling you the truth would just scare you and I—”

“Because you eat people, Seokjin!”

“And you murder them!” Jin snapped back, shooting up from the couch. “What’s really worse?!”

Jungkook pulled back, his eyes widening. In all the time they’d been together, Jin had never yelled at him, not like that. A tight fist clamped down on Jungkook’s heart at Jin’s words when they sank in past the anger.

Jin sat down, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“But you did. I know I’m… Different and… What I do a lot of people would say is evil.”

“I don’t—”

“Don’t say you don’t think it, Jin. Please don’t lie to me.”

“I don’t think you’re any worse than me. I truly don’t. I’ve seen the people you murder. They’re not nice.”

“I’ve never hurt someone that didn’t deserve it.”

“I know. I know you haven’t. I didn’t say that to—To imply you’re worse. Just to make you see things my way. I might eat human, and that’s frightening. You kill bad people and that’s also frightening. Why are we saying one is worse than the other?”

Jungkook sank back onto the couch, his brows furrowed together. Jin’s words did make sense. It was… Frightening, looking at the man he thought he knew so well and finding out such a big secret, but he supposed Jin probably dealt with the same when he discovered Jungkook’s secret.

“Have you ever killed, Jin?”

“No. I’ve considered it but you know how squeamish I am.” Jin chuckled a little, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t think I could actually stab someone.”

“But you can cut them up?” Jungkook laughed a little. “Isn’t that just as bad?”

“No way. Once they’re dead it’s just another cut of meat. I’ve butchered animals my whole life. It’s just a matter of knowing where the good meat is and how to prepare it.”

Jungkook picked up the tea Jin had brought him and took a small drink, scowling into the dark depths of it. “You’ve fed me… People. How do you know it won’t make you sick?”

“About the same risk as most other meats, I suppose. I would’ve told you but I was trying to avoid well… This.”

“I get it.” Jungkook frowned a little at his own words. In a weird way, he did get it. He was freaked out by it, but it made sense. And it did help him, in the long run. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“I love you, Jungkook. I really do. All of you, even your darkness.” Jin reached out and took Jungkook’s cup, setting it aside before grabbing his hands. “Are you going to leave me?”

Jungkook looked up, a little surprised. Jin’s gaze was gentle and earnest, his eyes seeming to search Jungkook’s face. In all the time they’d been together, Jungkook had asked regularly if Jin was going to tire of him; it was sort of his thing. But Jin had never asked, never like this.

“You know my secret now,” Jungkook whispered.

“And you know mine. It’s even. We’re bound to silence, in that way I suppose. I’ll never tell. Even if your answer is yes, you want to leave… I’ll keep your secret.”

“I don’t want to leave,” Jungkook admitted. All tension seemed to leave Jin’s body at that.

“You don’t?”

“But there needs to be some rules established,” Jungkook said firmly. Jin nodded.

“I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

“No. I understand why you did it… But I feel violated, Jin. I wish you would have told me you knew, and what you were doing, even if you thought I’d get mad.”

Jin nodded again. Jungkook let go of Jin’s hands and scooted a little closer, holding the back of his neck. “Show me?”

“What?”

“My last kill was just last month… Have we… Eaten… All of her?”

“No.”

“Show me what’s left.”

“Are you sure?”

Jungkook nodded. Jin rose and took his hand, leading him out into their kitchen. Clean and spotless as always; if Jin was obsessive over one thing it was the cleanliness and orderliness of his kitchen. Jungkook was beginning to realize why. He opened the freezer and motioned to the stacks of white wrapped cuts of meat. Some were stained with a brick red, others clean as snow. Jungkook looked over it all, swallowing hard. “I thought this was beef or pork.”

“Not quite.”

“All the meat we’ve eaten in the last year….”

“Mostly human. Some, I mean, of course, some wasn’t. Months you didn’t kill or when we had a dinner party or two, of course the meat would go faster and I’d have to stock up with other animals.”

“You haven’t shopped at the local morgue since we started dating?”

Jin chuckled a little. He reached in and grabbed a couple of packages, putting them into the refrigerator.

“Dinner tomorrow,” he said when Jungkook cocked his head. “And no, I haven’t. Your kills are fresh enough and I’m always able to grab them the night you do them, so they don’t go bad. Then it’s just a matter of butchering it and getting rid of the inedible parts.”

“And what do you do with those?”

Jin grinned. “Not a piece goes to waste. I figured since they were so horrible in life, they may as well be useful in their death. Bones get ground down into fertilizer after I get the marrow out for our own meals or for the food I give some of our friends’ dogs.” He patted his grinder proudly. “The fertilizer goes into the garden, bone dust is a great fertilizer, it’s how my veggies and fruits are always so juicy. I burn the hair – I guess that part goes to waste, and smells something awful. And then the skin either gets added to the dog food or turned into rinds. Brain and a handful of other organs that I just don’t care for get pureed and put in my dehydrator so I can add it to the fertilizer as well. And of course, the meat and organs that are delicious end up in my freezer for our dinners.”

“Those pork rinds! Weren’t pork?” Jungkook spluttered. “I eat like a hundred of those!”

“Delicious, aren’t they? I can’t make them for every person you kill, unfortunately. Only the really girthy ones.”

“So, you’re saying if I kill more overweight criminals, you’ll make me pork rinds more often?”

Jin laughed. “Well, I can’t say that they’ll be pork rinds, but I can make them. But not too often. We only eat so much meat and bigger people usually also give bigger cuts of meat.”

Jungkook nodded. He turned, looking around the kitchen he’d grown so familiar with, seeing it in an entirely new light this evening. Now he could visualize the grinder filled with the bones of his victims, the cutting boards stained rusty with their blood. His stomach twisted in a delightful little knot, surprising him. He’d been doing his work alone for so long. While he was okay with that… Maybe having someone to share it with wasn’t such a bad idea.

Jin’s hands landed on his shoulders, brushing his nose and lips gently over Jungkook’s ear. “You okay?” He asked softly.

Jungkook turned, staying close to Jin. He nodded, brushing their noses together. “You’ve known for a while.”

“I have.” “How did you find out?”

Jin stepped back, rubbing the back of his neck. “Before you moved in. I didn’t mean to… When I was at your place, I accidentally saw one of your victim’s schedules on your computer. It was unlocked and I’d planned on hopping on to check a news article I wanted to show you. But it bugged me, so I researched the man afterward. I didn’t put it together until he went missing the following week. So then I dug on purpose… Just a little. I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. Then one night I followed you. And I saw you.”

“But you didn’t… Run away screaming or tell.”

Jin shook his head. “I’d seen the type of people you were looking into. They were ones the world is better off without. I asked you to move in with me instead… So I could keep you safe.”

Jungkook chuckled a little. “You see a serial killer and ask him to live with you. Aren’t you a little afraid of me?”

“No.”

Jungkook cocked his head, surprised at the answer. “But I kill people.”

“Bad ones. I’m not bad. You love me.”

“You eat people… You’ve never thought about eating me? Even in passing?”

Jin shook his head. “You’re much more fulfilling for me alive. You make me happy and feel complete… The only time I want to eat you is in bed.” Jin winked. A bubble of laughter rumbled out of Jungkook before he could stop it, his face heating up.

“Really?” He cried.

Jin grinned broadly, the stunning smile that had drawn Jungkook in when they first met. “What? Bad timing?”

“Horrible timing,” Jungkook cried with no venom, shoving Jin playfully. Jin laughed and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Jungkook’s middle.

“You’ll really stay?”

“I’ll stay. You were right. We both have secrets… We both have things we hid that we probably shouldn’t have… But I do love you, and I trust you. And I’m willing to work with you on it.”

Jin’s smile softened a little. “Me too… Would it be bad timing to try and kiss you now?”

Hm… Only a quick one. I need a shower. I smell like dirt.”

“Sorta.” Jin brushed their noses gently. “Can I join you?”

Jungkook let his arms rest loosely over Jin’s shoulders. “That just sounds like a proposition.”

“A bit. You’ve been so stressed over the construction work… You realize you’ve barely looked at me, let alone anything else.”

Jungkook scowled. He thought back, trying to come up with some argument to refute Jin’s claim. But he realized that his lover was correct; since the construction news had begun, he’d barely thought of anything else. Especially something intimate.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered instead.

“Don’t be. I knew what was bothering you. I wanted so badly to say something but I knew it wouldn’t… End well. So, I just figured I’d wait until you did the inevitable… Went and looked. And then I would.”

“You can shower with me. I’ll make it up to you.”

Jin shook his head. “You don’t need to. I mostly just want to be close to you. With everything, I guess the prospect of losing you was too real tonight. I’ve never told anyone about what I do and with everything…”

Jungkook silenced Jin with a gentle kiss. Their lips molded perfectly together, the light tickle of Jin’s breath on his cheek as he deepened it, the way their tongues brushed almost instinctively over the connection between their mouths. Jungkook pulled back, nudging Jin’s cheek with his nose.

“I get it. Thank you for sharing with me, no matter how it came out. And thank you for not judging me for my own secrets.”

Jin answered wordlessly, opting instead to kiss Jungkook once more, a deeper, needier one that sent sparks of need down Jungkook’s spine.

“Come shower with me,” Jungkook whispered, letting his arms drop from Jin’s shoulders. He grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the bathroom.

They both stripped wordlessly, sharing quick kisses and soft smiles as they did. Though they had done this about a hundred times in their years together, this felt… New somehow. Jungkook wasn’t sure if it was the knowledge that he wasn’t the only one with such a dark secret, or the weight that was lifted from his shoulders at sharing his secret after so long, but whatever it was, it made everything feel fresh. Jungkook’s heart skipped a beat when Jin’s hands slid down his biceps and across his bare stomach. Jungkook leaned over, slipping out of the back hug to turn on the water. He didn’t bother to hide the little cry of surprise when Jin cupped his ass and squeezed.

He shot upright and Jin wrapped his arms around him, spinning him so they were chest to chest and nearly nose to nose. “I missed this,” Jin whispered. He pressed soft kisses over Jungkook’s cheek and neck, letting his teeth graze his shoulder

Jungkook relaxed into his arms, resting his head on Jin’s shoulder and inhaling. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Fighting you. Scaring you. Hiding this. Thank you for taking care of me.”

“I’ll always take care of you, Jungkook. I love you.”

Jungkook smiled against his skin, sighing contentedly when Jin nipped at his earlobe playfully. “Water’s warm by now. Come on,” he whispered releasing his grip on Jungkook.

The two climbed into the shower and fell into a rhythm learned from their time together, taking turns with the spray of the water, passing bottles and loofas to one another between water wet kisses. Jungkook washed Jin’s back, kissing his shoulders as he did, the hot spray of the water soothing his own muscles. They switched, and Jin did the same. His attention, however, shifted decidedly more to the point quite quickly. He pressed against Jungkook, allowing him to feel his hardness against his ass. Jungkook leaned his head back, shifting his own hips back to tease.

Jin’s breath hitched, and Jungkook smirked. It was his turn to gasp when Jin reached around and palmed his slowly hardening cock. He began to stroke it with a soap slicked hand, placing kisses along Jungkook’s shoulder.

Jungkook giggled, wiggling his hips back against Jin again. “At least let me rinse off,” he whined. Jin grumbled against his skin but stepped back, letting Jungkook step under the warm spray. As soon as the suds had rolled from his body, Jin was pressing him to the wall of the shower, lips warm and wet and desperate. Jungkook buried his fingers in Jin’s hair. Their bodies shifted together, each moving just enough to drag little whines and sighs from the other.

Jungkook pulled back, pushing Jin back a few inches and slapping the shower off. “Bedroom.”

Jin grinned in response, stepping out of the shower. They toweled off haphazardly, and hurried into the bedroom, still sharing quick kisses and needy touches as they did so.

The back of Jungkook’s legs hit the mattress before Jin shoved, sending him onto the bed with a satisfying creak of springs. Jin crawled over him, placing open mouthed kisses up his leg and chest before biting gently on his shoulder. Jungkook chuckled. “Thought you didn’t wanna eat me,” he teased.

Jin laughed, huffing warm breath over his skin. “And I warned you I did when we got into bed.” He flipped on the lamp, casting the room in a comforting orangeish glow. He pushed Jungkook’s legs open with his own thigh. “Now if you don’t mind... I’m starting with dessert.” He moved down and spread Jungkook open, running his tongue over his hole.

Jungkook’s back arched, a groan slipping from his mouth before he could stop it. Jin’s fingers dug into his hips as he held him down. He began to lick, suck, and bite at his hole and the sensitive skin around it, obscene noises filling the air. Jungkook whined, twisting Just hips down. He buried his fingers in Jin’s wet hair, tugging as he struggled for more each time Jin pulled back.

Jin drove two fingers into his spit slicked hole, bordering on painful when he spread them. It faded quickly when Jin’s tongue drove into the gap, teasing the hypersensitive nerves just inside his rim.

Jungkook sobbed his name, writhing on the bed. “Please!” He finally begged.

Jin looked up. His lips were plush, wet, and red, chin damp.

“What?”

“Fuck me, please. Please, I need you,” Jungkook begged. His cock twitched on his stomach, seeming to echo his plea.

Jin pouted. He blew a puff of cool air against Jungkook’s gaped hole, causing goosebumps to erupt over his skin.

“But I was enjoying my meal,” he teased. “I wanted to see if I could make you come just from eating you out.”

Jungkook shivered visibly at that. His cheeks warmed as he imagined it. “As sexy as that sounds... Please, Jin... I’d rather come with your cock fucking me open. I’ll let you eat me until I come another night. When I’m less desperate. Please.”

Jin bit his lip, considering.

Jungkook wet his lips. “I’ll let you try it in the kitchen... You can bend me over the counter and eat my ass until I come all over the floor.”

“Fuck,” Jin hissed. “Deal.” He glanced at Jungkook, shaking his head. “But you’re still so tight. I need to prep you more.”

“Just a bit. I want it tight... Like the night you took my virginity. The way I screamed for you... Tonight feels...”

“New,” Jin finished, nodding. He spat against Jungkook’s hole and added a third finger. He began to twist and stretch quickly, locking gazes with Jungkook as he did.

Jungkook remained quiet, chewing his bottom lip against the sting of the abrupt stretch. He pawed their lube out of the drawer and handed it to Jin, whining when Jin poured a bit into the gap made by his fingers. “It’s cold.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll warm it quick.” Jin slicked himself and lined his cock up.

Jungkook lifted one leg, resting it over Jin’s shoulder. He let the other fall to the side. “I’m ready.”

Jin drove his cock in, both crying out at the tightness of Jungkook’s hole. He arched his back and grabbed Jin’s thighs. Jin held onto his hips, beginning to thrust shallowly almost immediately. Jin pushed his leg off his shoulder and laid over Jungkook, twisting his hips to work him open.

Jungkook held onto him, whining and moaning as his body began to get used to the thick penetration. Jin’s teeth grazed his earlobe.

“Jin—“

“Do you need me to stop?” Jin panted, snapping his hips forward for good measure. Jungkook groaned and shook his head no. “No! Please... Keep going. Harder—“

Jin huffed against Jungkook’s shoulder. He obeyed, snapping his hips forward hard enough to make the bed groan.

Jungkook screamed happily. His rim aches delightfully, stretched to the limit whenever Jin pushed as deep as he could go, and again when his tip caught against that little circle of muscle. He felt delightfully full, each inward pump of Jin’s cock bordering on discomfort as he worked himself deep into Jungkook’s body.

His own cock was pinned between them, achingly hard and leaking against his tense stomach, neglected. He never had to touch himself when Jin was fucking him; Jin knew just how to make him come.

Jin pulled out, making Jungkook shout in annoyance. He flipped him onto his stomach and spread his ass, adding more lube before driving back in and laying himself over Jungkook’s back as he began to pound into him from the new position. Jungkook screamed into the pillow, arching his hips up to give Jin better access. Jin found his hands, gripping the sheet under the pillow; and twined their fingers, kissing his neck almost delicately despite the aggressive pumping of his hips.

“That’s it, JK,” he panted, his tone going straight to Jungkook’s belly.

“You take me so well. Open right up for my cock, huh? You love it.”

Jungkook whined and nodded, baring his neck for Jin to kiss and nibble.

“It’s sexier now, isn’t it?” Jin huffed, vocalizing the echo in Jungkook’s mind all night. “Knowing the truth. Knowing what I do. What you do. What I feed you.”

Jungkook whined, nodding. “It is... Please—“

“I’ve fed you them before. Your male victims.”

Jungkook’s face heated up more than he thought possible. “Did I—“

“You loved them. I was actually jealous.” The snap of his hips was almost painful as he spoke. “The night I fucked your face right at the dinner table... Then bent you over and made you come right there...”

Jungkook moaned, his eyes rolling back at both the pleasure and the memory. “It was so good— Oh God! Please — Fuck— You fucked me so good that night...”

“I had to make you mine again,” Jin growled. His hips were beginning to lose their rhythm.

“I’m always yours!” Jungkook cried. He bit down on the pillow and shouted at a particularly good angle, teetering on the edge. “Please! Fuck me, oh God, Jin please— Make me come, come on me, God don’t stop—“ He knew he was rambling; a side effect of his impending climax. Jin obeyed though, leaning back and pinning his hips down. He began to slam into him hard and fast, pulling almost all the way out before driving in as deep as he could go.

Jungkook screamed until his voice broke, his entire body going rigid. His cock throbbed and twitched against the bed, spilling rope after rope of milky come onto the sheets as Jin ooh fed his ass. Each thrust had his balls clenching, another dribble of come added to the puddle.

Jin groaned his name, his own hips twitching. He stiffened and then shuddered, his thrusts slowing and weakening as he came, still pumping into Jungkook.

Jin pulled out gently and collapsed next to Jungkook, his chest heaving as they came down. Jungkook giggled tiredly . “Wow.”

“Wow is right,” Jin panted, wiping sweat from his brow.

Jungkook rested his head on Jin’s shoulder, letting his breathing normalize. He shivered when Jin began to wipe his sticky body down with a wet wipe, moving only as much as was necessary to be well taken care of his lover. Jin chuckled, making Jungkook crack one eye open.

“What?”

“You’re utterly boneless,” Jin joked.

“Take it as a compliment,” Jungkook grumbled, shifting to let Jin pull the come soiled blanket off the bed. “You fucked me good.”

“Oh I do, trust me.” Jin flopped back into bed, kicking the clean sheet over them. Jungkook tilted his head up, pouting his lips for a kiss. When Jin obliged, he smiled. The two laid in silence for a moment, basking on one another’s company.

“So, I have a couple of targets I’m looking at…” He began, cracking open one eye in time to see Jin smirk.

“Who’s on the chopping block?”

“A slimy vice president of a small company or a cop who took a bribe that got a criminal off… Any special requests?”

Jin chuckled. “Well, do you have any special dinner requests?”

“You know I love everything you cook… I have been craving your stew though, you haven’t made it in forever.”

“Are either of these potential carcasses fit?”

“The cop, actually. About my size.”

“If you want stew, I’ll need to butcher something with well worked muscles so I can slow cook it. We do have that dinner party coming up early next month… I bet my stew would be a hit with our friends.”

“Oh, you know it would – Taehyung would die for it.” Jungkook hesitated. “How often do you serve my kills to our friends?”

“Regularly – but not as often as you and I eat them. I don’t want to risk them asking what meat it is if it’s too gamey or unique tasting.”

Jungkook nodded. “I’ll work on the cop then.”

The silence stretched on. Jungkook was deep in thought, considering what he’d learned about his potential next victim, as well as the realization that he was doing it entirely with Jin’s knowledge. Jin cleared his throat.

“I have a question.”

“Sure.”

“I know you want to do this alone and all of that but… Would it be okay if I picked up the carcass fresh? Rather than you burying it?”

Jungkook looked up at Jin, cocking his head. “Well, I guess that makes more sense… Since you know now… Yeah, I’ll text when I’m done. I’ll give you the address ahead of time.”

Jin nodded, relaxing a bit into the bed.

“Maybe I’ll show you how to butcher them.”

“Can you teach me how to cook it too?” Jungkook asked.

“No way.”

Jungkook scowled. Jin grinned. “If I teach you how to cook it, you might become better than me, then what use would I be for you?”

Jungkook laughed, wrapping an arm tight around Jin’s middle. “You’ll always have a place in my life, no matter what.”

“Promise?”

Jungkook smiled against his shoulder. “Promise. Now let’s go to sleep.”

Jin grunted in response, turning the lamp off and nuzzling deeper under the sheet. Jungkook relaxed into his embrace as easy as breathing, a sense of profound comfort slipping over him as he drifted to sleep.

[demxninyourdrexms]

Pacific Rim FF: As Above, So Below

“A Jaeger may only be as good as their pilots, but their roots stem from their creators. “

{Hannibal Chau X OC}

Word Count:  2,872

Rating: 18+ (M)

WARNINGS: Cursing/strong language,  adult activities (smoking,drinking, smut, kinks, etc), angst, death.

The streets of Hong Kong were bustling as usual, the rain turned into a slight mist off and on throughout the day. Most people were off going home after the long day of work, but a blacked out car was headed the opposite direction of the normal. It headed towards the Bone Slums, careful about which building it was looking for, or who to look for. Deep in the middle of the district, the car stopped outside of a building built up around a kaiju hand and claw. The neon lights shining in the puddles of rain on the pavement as the back door opened. 

Stacker had been trying to track her down since before the Jaeger program had been given a set date for discontinuation. They were losing Jaegers right and left, and the longer he tried to keep the program going, the worse the Kaiju force kept coming. Scientists were in a constant state of upheaval trying to predict the attacks and gain whatever they could on the Kaiju. But the Jaeger program was slipping, and to find a good engineer who knew each Jaeger top to bottom, was a task in itself. 

The first was Cherno Alpha, with her parents  being the ones to spearhead the project and construct the massive tank of a machine. Having been raised around nothing but Russian military and slept to the sounds of welding metal, she was the best out of them all to bring back. 

Stacker headed into the building, which was obvious it was a bar or club of sorts, with glasses lining the wall above the cabinet of various liquors. Tables and chairs scattered across the open space and various signs and pool tables there. On the other side of the bar was a staircase that led up to the VIP area and office. A few employees scattered amongst the utilities preparing to open soon. Stacker looked at the bartender, who nodded and pointed at the staircase. They all knew why he was there, it wasn’t often they had military in. And when they did, it was always for their boss somehow.

Stacker made his way up the stairs, looking around the ornate decor as he reached the door. The guard nodded and left him in. The office was far different than the rest of the building. The walls were lifted with newspaper clippings and awards. Prototype models of the famous Russian machine on the desk beside a glass of what looked like whiskey. 

A woman stood on the other side of the desk, looking out the window across the city. Her long, jet black hair pulled into a ponytail that trailed down over her shoulder and formed curls at the bottom. Her slim figure casting a shadow over the wall adjacent from the fireplace on the other wall. Dark brown lips and soft pale skin lit up by the glow of the fire as she glanced over her shoulder.

“Pentecost….”

A small smile formed across his lips. His stance was open, yet professional as he stood across from her at the desk.

“Talia Draider, you probably already know why I’m here.”

She smirked and crossed her arms, turning to fully face him. Her eyes are bright blue, lined with elegant winged liner and dark shadows. The way she dressed was like the kaidanovskys merged. Aleksis and Sasha practically raised this woman, so it’s no surprise she’s taken after them. A long sleeve, black shirt with a corseted laced bodice, and black sleek pants to match with laces up boots.

“Let me guess, they want me back.”

Stacker glanced around the room before looking her in the eyes. It’s obvious he wasn’t here for a simple visit to check in on her or catch up.

“How’d you know…”

“Because you’ve lost four Jaegers in a matter of months. The attacks are getting closer together and you can’t keep decent engineers who are competent enough to build or maintain them properly. You have a working one sitting there collecting dust with no compatible drivers and the wall is doing jack all shit to prevent anything.”

He couldn’t help but smile at her. She knew too well for her own good. Cherno Alpha had its picky drivers, only wanting the best on their team. But the government was even pickier, and they realized cutting their best asset for optimal operations was the biggest mistake. With years under her belt and exposure to the Jaegers since she was a kid, Talia knew the procedure inside and out. 

“Yeah, they’re asking me to get you back on board. But...uh, they’re not the only ones.” Stacker set his hat on the desk and her mood shifted. 

“The Jaeger program is being discontinued. PPDC believes the wall is doing what it’s supposed to do so far, so there’s no point in keeping a program that costs more than steel and concrete.”

Talia watched him, her mood changing instantly at the mention of the program being shut down. Her eyes sparkling slightly and looking up at him.

“We have six months, last stand here in Hong Kong. We’re stationed in the shatterdome and moving all the units in as we speak, and Cherno wants her girl back.”

She shook slightly as she looked over at the mannequin that had her coat. It was lined with fur trim, and donned Cherno Alpha’s name in Russian with the symbol on the back, just like Aleksis and Sasha had. She reached over and grabbed a cigarette and her lighter and lit it as she looked back over at him. Stacker smiled slightly and shook his head.

“Those things will kill you.”

“So will radiation exposure from a Jaeger, you of all people know that just as much as we do.” She smiled back at him, which made him straighten up and take his hat off the desk and put it back on. He looked at her with a slight fondness, Mako meant to him what she did to the Kaidonovskys.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then….” “Sir, yes sir.” She teased and punched his arm playfully as he turned to leave.

Hannibal and his men were preparing to close up shop for the night. With all the recent kaiju attacks, they have been out harvesting double the amounts of what they usually have been. Hannibal had his crew going double time to catch up with inventory before closing. Two of them stood outside the back door waiting for him as he exited, looking down the street he saw Talia exiting her bar after locking up. She pulled the collar of her coat up to shield her neck, the other coat folded and put in her messenger bag with the rest of her stuff. She looked both ways along the empty street, looking his way last and catching his eye. She smirked at him before turning her back and heading down the other side of the street.

“Boss…” the smaller one of the two guards went to speak to him when he spun around and grabbed him by the collar of his suit.

“We’re you about to try and tell me what to do? Last time I checked I was the one running this show.”

He let go and the man staggered back slightly. Hannibal looked back down the street to watch and make sure Tania was still there...still safe.

“I want you two to watch that woman. Make sure no one messes with her, got it?” He turned back to them and adjusted his suit jacket. 

“Yes sir.” They said in unison and headed down the direction she went. 

What was this, and why was he suddenly so concerned with someone he barely knows? Someone he only ever saw in passing when going out on site or just to get a drink and seeing her briefly at the bar. Hannibal shoved a hand in his pocket before going back into the building, another guard on the inside locking it behind him. He headed into his office and pulled at one of the jars on the case, revealing another room that looked to be a living quarters. 

“Who the hell are you…” he mumbled to himself, looking at what looked to be a photo taken of the woman by one of his men during an outing at the bar when she was coming out of her office. He thought he had seen her before somewhere aside from when she’s at her little establishment. 

He racked his brain for hours, going through the process of unwinding and getting ready for bed. He had picked up his glass of whiskey off the table when his phone rang. He scoffed and set the glass back down on the table and answered it.

“This better be fuckin good…”

“That woman you wanted us to watch? Name’s Talia Draider. Parents were dual engineers on the Jaeger program before they got killed by a kaiju attack on their way home. She was adopted by friends of the family and continued the work until she was dismissed.”

Hannibal sat on the edge of his bed as he listened. His brows furrowing.

“How the hell she end up in Hong Kong? And how the hell you find all this out in less than a few hours?”

The man half chuckled, he stood outside the apartment building he saw her go into and looked up at the window where she stood.

“She told us herself. Didn’t have to dig.”

“What do you mean she told you?! You let her see you?!”

“This one, sir, she’s not stupid. She knew you sent us after her. She said she appreciates the concern, but if you wanted to talk to just...ask. Also, whoever her folks are now, made sure she didn’t go without. Owns a bar in the slums yet has a nice place at the edge of the district.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle softly. It looks like he wasn’t going to be so cagey with this one if he wanted her, which he did. He wanted her, but not like he wanted black market items from kaijus. Not for display in his shop, or as a ‘trophy’. No, this one had meaning and he couldn’t figure out why. 

“She uh- she left her number too on a piece of paper. In case uh- in case you wanted it. This chick, she’s different.”

He wanted her safe at all costs, sending his men to watch over her walks at night or pop in at the bar to keep an eye on things. He wanted her close, with him at the shop or at the bar, in his arms, her company. He wanted to hear her opinions, her thoughts and about her past.

He shook his head as he hung up the phone, laying back in bed staring at the ceiling. He was brash and cold at times. Only looking into the business and not much else for the well-being or care for others. So, why is he all of a sudden concerned about a woman who is clearly out of his range of possible suitors. And he was too busy to even put that much effort into anything to do with it. Now he’s caught some sort of interest or feelings for this woman and he’s just as perplexed about it as his men at the sudden change. He eventually drifted off to sleep after almost an hour of pondering, eventually rising to the sun the next morning.

Talia had risen before the sun, racing around getting a shower and packing her messenger bag with everything she would need. She pulled the coat up over her shoulders as she heard a horn honk out on the street. Grabbing her bag, she headed down the stairs and put onto the street where the car waited. The driver held the door open for her with a small smile. She smiled back and quickly got in the car and they headed out.

She looked out the window at the passing people and cars. It wasn’t long before they made it to the gates of the Shatterdome and the car came to a stop. The driver helped her out before getting her two bags out of the trunk. Tania looked around at the many military trucks and personnel running around, some staring and pointing at her in surprise. They would dash around to groups of people near them and talking, drawing attention towards her as she headed into the shatterdome. 

Pentecost stood with two of his main technicians in the control room, going over schematics and regular calibration check ups on the Jaegers. One of his men came over and whispered in his ear, peaking his interest as he turned to see Talia. A grin spread across his face as he greeted her with a warm hug.

“You ready for this?” He asked softly as the technicians left to go about their usual business. Talia glanced around the room at all the equipment before out of the glass windows towards the main floor. Her eyes scanning each Jaeger, evaluating and taking in their upkeep and progression in development. She looked back up at him with a sly smirk.

“You didn’t tell them, did you.” she already knew that this wasn’t brought up to the Kaidonovskys. Pentecost was a soft one for reunions, and it wasn’t just the jaeger drivers that didn’t exactly know just yet. Their maintenance crew knew beforehand so they could assist with keeping the secret until otherwise. A small yet mischievous smile spread across his lips, which in turn made her do the same.

“Not exactly, but it wouldn’t hurt them to have a little bit of a surprise now would it?”

Talia shook her head and laughed before he led her out of the control room and down towards the main hanger. As they walked, he ordered one of his higher ranking officers to call everyone together for a brief announcement. Everyone started slowly coming together as they stopped what they were doing. Some of the Cherno crew wrapped around the back behind Pentecost, shielding Talia from any possible view of their drive team as they approached the front beside Striker’s team.

“Everyone, I know you all have been concerned about the recent termination notice by the PPDC of the Jaeger program. It is with a heavy heart that this is true, and we have been given a last chance to defend ourselves here in Hong Kong, which will not go unnoticed or without valor. I have called each and every one of you here for your bravery and relentlessness towards this war. Striker Eureka, Crimson Typhoon, and Cherno Alpha.”

Pentcost gestured towards each Jaeger and their set of drivers before looking around the room, his eyes falling on the drive teams, the Kaidonovskys last, He took a deep breath and smiled wide before going back to addressing the room.

“This is our last stand, so why not go out with full force. As stated, only the top candidates have been pulled for this final mission. With that being said, a Jaeger may only be as good as their pilots, but their roots stem from their creators. Each being individually crafted with care by only the top engineers, and I promised them both that their work will continue as long as this program stays active.” Pentecost started to smile as he spoke, seeing the blonde pilots start to perk up the more they heard his words.

“Everyone, please welcome back combat engineer Talia Draider, daughter of the late Amaree and Nicholai Draider, and now Aleksis and Sasha Kaidonovsky.”

Pentecost moved to the side of where he stood, the crew of Cherno following suit to reveal Talia standing in the middle of them. The last person barely got to move out of the way before Aleksis was already rushing over and picking her up in a tight hug. The echo of applause and cheering were drowned out at this point to the three of them as Sasha came up beside them with tears in her eyes as Aleksis set Talia back down on her feet and got a hug of her own.

The crowd dispersed after a few minutes, giving them more space as they talked quietly. Talia looked over at Pentecost with a wide smile on her face as he came over. 

“I’ll give you three some time to catch up. Just keep an eye and ear out in case. Welcome home, kid.” He smiled back at her before leaving them be. 

Talia watched him go before she was gently tugged by Sasha taking her hand and leading her off to a more quiet space. It was true, she was home again. Back with what she knew best, with the people who cared for her so much and gave her everything to live a good life. But she couldn’t stop thinking about the night before, in the street where she saw him. It was like a magnet, drawing her in more and more and she couldn’t understand any of it. 

She wanted to know who he was, to know more about him. And why he had an interest in her...

[scripttorture]

Hi, how are you? I hope you're having a great day. If it's not too much to ask, I read the articles you linked about child soldiers, and they were very helpful, but not exactly what I'm looking for.. Do you happen to have links of first account stories or diaries of child soldiers? Two lead characters in my wip have been child soldiers in multiple wars in their country. (The setting is light fantasy, think non-European medieval times) (Child soldiers ask/1)

(Childsoldiers ask/2) Theyserved their country, and outside of war time, they received militaryeducation but were under significantly less pressure and stress, sowhile they never felt patriotic toward their country, they didn’tfind a reason to leave yet. That is until they turned 15-16 and wereforced to fight in the front field, where they saw the brutality oftheir own country by themselves, they tried to escape right then andthere, – (Child soldiers ask/3)–but were Captured by the enemy and spent a few weeks doing forcedlabor in an enclosed camp, before they were sold into slavery andbecame house slaves for a nobleman of their country’s enemies. Theymake friends with a slave there, who with a story of his own, hastried multiple times to escape but was always captured, punished(whipped), and forced to work right away. (Child soldiers ask/4)Theyfinally escape when the nobleman’s child bride kills him on the veryfirst night and joins them in a long escape out of the country,before they were rescued by the other slave’s friends. The storydoesn’t go too far in terms of time span, they don’t finish a year inslavery and then after that they help out (but don’t participate inbattle) in another war, before the story ends, maybe another 6months. (Child soldiers ask/6)Sowhile I have the elements of their rehabilitation into the peacefulcivilian life completed, I’d like more in-depth information about howthey would personally feel in that situation. The girl feels a lot ofshame for leaving her country, but has no wishes to return until theyfix the system, while the boy absolutely hates it and – (Childsoldiers ask/7)–onlyfeels resentment for it because of the abuse he suffered, but that’sonly after they learn what normal children their age should be doingand how they’re treated. Symptoms of anxiety and PTSD are prominentin their lives, but should I add more? And would the abuse the boysuffered from be counted as torture? I know this is long so thanks inadvance for your patience :) (Child soldiers ask/8)

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I don’t think you will find the kind of in-depth first hand accounts you’re looking for without paying for them. That said there are books by former child soldiers that might fit.

 I’m not aware of any diaries, most of these books were written years or decades after the fighting stopped. On a basic level I’m not sure many children that young keep a regular diary and many adult diarists have found it impossible to keep one going through a war.

 This is a research book based on interviews with child soldiers that I’m ordering (M Wessel’s Child Soldiers: From Violence to Protection). This one is a first hand account, I Beah A Long Way Gone. There’s also E Jal’s War Child: A Child Soldier’s Story. Girl Soldier co authored by G Akallo and F J H McDonnell might also be useful, it draws heavily on Akallo’s experience as a child soldier. Child Soldier by C Keitetsi may also be useful.

 I have not read any of these first hand accounts. I find it… telling that all of the detailed first hand accounts I can find in English are by Africans. The difficulty finding accounts from European and Asian child soldiers may reflect a bias in the publishing industry, or simply one in the search engine I’m using.

 Searching for the Khmer Rogue, recent conflicts in the Balkans and memoirs from Poland during world war two will probably all bring up more memoirs from child soldiers. However those available for free may be shorter and vaguer, while more detailed memoirs may be untranslated.

 You can also find accounts by using Amnesty International’s search function. There are 171 results relating to child soldiers. I have not read all of them and Amnesty’s interviews tend to be on the short side but these do contain useful first hand accounts.

 In terms of whether the characters ‘count’ as survivors- I think it’s important to remember that we’re talking about a purely legal distinction and I think you could argue the case either way.

 The UN declaration against torture says that to be torture something must cause severe pain or suffering. But it explicitly says that need not be physical. Something that is intended to cause mental distress (desecration of corpses or religious sites, forcing Hindus to eat beef or Muslims to eat pork, etc) can be defined as torture.

 I think that the systematic exploitation and bullying of a child by armed forces could count under modern law.

 However there’s no indication in this that these soldiers have been ordered to bully this child or that they’re doing it for one of the four very well defined motivations the UN declaration outlines.

 But the argument about whether it meets the strict legal definition seems like a distraction from the real question here which seems to be: ‘how traumatising is this scenario? Is the symptom level appropriate?’

 I think it could be however it’s unclear to me whether the characters are both suffering from PTSD and anxiety or whether one has PTSD and the other anxiety.

 I don’t think it’s a good idea to give all the survivors in your story the same symptoms. There is variety in survivors in real life. If you’re writing multiple survivors in the same story then it’s important to try and reflect that variety.

 Two symptoms seems like a perfectly reasonable level for the girl to me. It could also work for the boy. But personally if I was writing this scenario and trying to put forward the idea that the boy has lived through more I would give him more symptoms as well. If you are trying to establish something as ‘worse’ in the narrative then you should be prepared to back that up with consequences for the characters.

 The slave character, who has been tortured and forced to work for a relatively long time, should definitely have more then two symptoms. I think something more in the range of 3-5 would be appropriate.

 I get the impression from the other asks you’ve sent that you tend to consistently underestimate symptoms.

 Try not to look at symptoms as flaws or limiting factors on your characters. They are not things that you have to struggle to reduce.

 Try instead to think of them as opportunities for you, the author.

 Disability and mental illness should not be an insurmountable barrier to the plot. Because it is not an insurmountable barrier in most people’s lives.

 These things do create difficulties and problems, often problems that are socially constructed. But people who live with disabilities and mental illness find ways around these problems every day. This necessary creative thinking is an addition to any story.

 If your character is in a wheelchair and the important plot device is up a flight of stairs then that shouldn’t mean the character can’t succeed. Instead it means they need a different, less obvious, way to get what they need.

 And the solution you choose tells readers more about the character. They might build a device that lets them glide right to the top or plant explosives around the foundations and bring the tower down or hire someone to carry them up. Each of those solutions tells you something about the character as a person.

 Symptoms are like that. They are narrative opportunities.

 Think about why you’ve chosen PTSD and anxiety. Think about which character they work best with. Think about what those symptoms add.

 And consider the other common symptoms and the common memory problems your characters could have. Use them to create varied survivors with different responses.

 I worry any time I see an author say their character ‘only feels’ a particular emotion. Because this is never true for people. And while authors often mean ‘this character feels that particular emotion a lot’ sometimes they mean it literally.

 A well-written character is not one emotional note, whether they’re a survivor or not.

 Resentment towards the adults who exploited and hurt him isn’t unreasonable. Shame about the atrocities she was forced to participated in isn’t unusual.

 Think about how to build on these starting points.

 If the girl feels ashamed about what she did how does she feel about the people she left behind? Does she think they’re immoral or does she feel sympathy for them and the way they’ve been manipulated?

 Does the boy primarily resent the people or what happened to him? Does he associate everyone from his country with what he endured? If so does he view the country that enslaved him differently? Does he see the girl he’s escape with as an exception or does his view of his country effect how he sees her?

 Even if these emotions are experienced more often these characters should feel more then one thing. Think about what might prompt other feelings.

 If the girl is trapped in a depressive spiral what could pull her out of it for a while? Anger or defensiveness on behalf of her friend? An odd incident that prompts a laugh? Awe or pride at the realisation of how much she’s already done? Because by escaping an active army and enslavement in a foreign country she has already achieved much more then most.

 Similarly what could puncture the boy’s rage? What would shock him? What would make him cry?

 Is he holding on to anger because he’s afraid of what he might be or feel without it?

 A lot of this boils down to standard writing advice for any character: they should feel like complete people.

 That doesn’t mean they can’t be flawed, or wrong or missing something important in their lives. It means that they need to feel ‘real’; as if they have dreams and fears and personalities that are possible.

 Writing survivors is more complicated but that doesn’t mean the usual approaches to character creation don’t apply. Personal history or traumatic events shouldn’t replace a character’s personality, wants or worries.

 And that can be hard to write. Because you’ve got to do all the same work you would for a non-traumatised character, then add another layer of work on top of that.

 In fact it’s more then that, because you have to merge all these things and make it look seamless, effortless for the reader.

 I emphasised a lot of the planning and thinking part of character creation here. And that is important.

 But if you’re struggling with your confidence or character creation generally there is no substitute for practice.

 Give yourself permission to experiment, to learn, to get things wrong. This is part of everyone’s writing process.

 So yes, think, plan, search for opportunities with things like symptoms. But also practice. Write short scenes or stories. Write multiple versions of the same scene. Try out writing the same character with different symptoms to figure out which you like best.

 I hope that helps. :)

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[bisexual-in-every-gender]

The City You Live In

What city do you live in? Guangzhou, China

What was your first reaction when you saw it? I was astounded by how big it was

Is it pretty or ugly? quite ugly to be honest

Are the people there nice or mean? Guangzhou has a reputation for rude people and they do live up to it.

Are there a lot of churches? nononono, Churches have to be underground here.

Is it surrounded by mountains or hills? There are a few hills but you barely see them because of the skyscrapers, lol

What grocery stores are there? Aeon and some others

If you remember, what was the first restaurant you ate at there? It was the hotel restaurant at the Oakwood Premier, lol

Have you lived anywhere else in your state/province, etc? well, I’m not originally from China, so this question doesn’t really apply

Is there a lot to do? for Chinese people, sure. But a lot of it doesn’t suit the Western taste.

Is there a river or lake? There’s the Pearl River.

Are all the lights pretty at night? Some of them can be.

How many McDonald’s restaurants are there? Loads, some in very close proximity to each other.

Are there any tourist attractions? yep, the Canton Tower and the Chimelong Theme Parks

What’s the name of the nearest city? The city closest to Guangzhou is Foshan.

If it snows a lot, does it get gross in the spring when it melts? it’s never snowed here. --> same

Is food or gas expensive? I don’t know about petrol, but food is relatively cheap compared to other cities.

Is anyone building anything right now? yes, it’s an everlasting construction site.

What’s the main road(s)? Binjiang Dong is a big one.

What would you like to see in your town (restaurants, etc)? more stuff acquired to Western taste (restaurants, entertainment).

Do bands come there for concerts? Not any a Westerner would know.

What’s the temperature there now? 27 degrees. Feels much colder than what it actually is because usually it’s like 35 degrees.

Bold/X what your city has!

More than two McDonald’s

Starbucks

“Restaurant row” (a street with restaurants lining it)

A college

A small but good restaurant

A street named after someone

Downtown

More than 5 banks

A hospital

An expensive neighborhood

Hot guys/girls

An outdoor ice cream place

[bepoets]

Why do you love the Skyliner

So when I was in high school I had this weird obsession with Disney things that had closed or were torn down and replaced etc etc like my brother and I made a poster board with all the things that were gone from Disney World we were really into it

I had this never ending obsession with this one attraction that had closed called The Skyway and it was a gondola that took you from fantasyland to tomorrowland and I never got to ride it and I just think flying in any possibke capacity is so fucking cool. It closed well before I ever went to Disney and anytime there was any park with a similar thing it was never the same? Theirs were more like ski lifts which I didn’t want I wanted to fly I wanted a gondola system. Anyway the skyway closed for a variety of reasons including but not limited to the guy who jumped out of one of the gondolas (he landed in a tree a few cuts and bruises nothing more) and a lot of serious injuries to employees because of the physical work it took to operate that specific gondola system and also because its Florida and there’s so much fucking lightning during the summer they were always closing them down for rain and thunderstorms.

2017 D23 expo parks and resorts panel the Peak of my theme park and Disney geekiness Bob Chapek announces Disney world would be utilizing a new transportation system called The Skyliner it would be a gondola system created by this super impressive company that makes them all the time I used to know their name but I don’t anymore. Anyway it would connect Hollywood studios and Epcot and a few other resorts (Caribbean beach, the new Rivera resort, and pop century/art of animation) fully indoor cabins super cute designs the concept art was *chefs kiss*

Anyway so uh I cried at that announcement it was very much one of those Childhood Dream Comes True moments. And then it sort of became? A thing? Like everyone kept talking about the ride announcements but I was so deeply invested in this fucking gondola because I wanted to live out this childhood dream and I wanted TO FLY I just felt like it was gonna be SPECIAL so I wouldn’t shut up about it. I also had a weird obsession with like theme parks construction sites so the fact that it was so easy to watch them build the Skyliner? That I could see this take shape from the moment it was announced to when it opened was really cool for me? Anyway I may have...played up how much I loved it and I DO I do love it I find it to be magical I cried the first time I went on it during a cast preview where my dear friend asked me to come with him as a guest because I was so invested in these gondolas. But people at school really like knew me as the girl who was obsessed with the skyliner so I knew all about it and yeah I loved it but I really like dove head first into loving it it is part of my Brand™️ whether i want it to be or not.

Anyway

The point is they’re magical I love them because it lets me live out this childhood fantasy of riding the one attraction I wanted to go on that didn’t exist and it lets me fly and the swoop of take off is similar to when you’re in a plane and you suddenly know you aren’t on land anymore? I think that’s just such a great feeling and I love it and so I love the skyliner

Also it’s far and above the best mode of Disney transportation because you’ve got

1) overcrowded monorails with no AC that lurch and jerk and needed to be replaced LITERALLY THIRTY YEARS AGO (which i suppose aren’t over crowded anymore but still)

2) overcrowded buses with AC that’s hit or miss on a good day and take an obscene amount of time to drive through traffic and somehow the bus you want to catch is always the last one that shows up or just pulling away when you get there.

3) boats which idk...they make me nervous so

[alvarsliver]

Ashes

Ok look I plan on becoming a writer, but not to publish a book but to write on sites like Fanfic and etc. I've been reading Fanfics for quite some time and as time past I realized I have stories that I want to tell. So in order to do so of course, I have to practice which I been doing and I need your guy's constructive criticism and advice. I typed a story and I would appreciate it if you gave me constructive criticism on how to do better and improve on the story. The city was in ruins, once pristine street now lay a waste of debris battered car rest upturned abandoned and forgot. Among the ruins pools of infernos continue to burn it bright eerie flames, sticking to the building like glue almost seeming to engulf the massive city itself. As smoke and ashes churn through the air, a lone figure can be heard sprinting through the deserted streets.

Charlotte breath was rapid, she couldn't help herself as her body trembled heart beating franticly eyes wide, jerking her body around to search her surroundings everywhere hoping just to see her. 

“Elie where are you-” Charlotte jolted a throb shot up her body, she swayed falling on both knees, hands flew to her mouth hacking out blood onto her hands each cough bringing her body to fidget.

   Charlotte heard a creaking of sorts but led to a shattering, glancing down She spotted a mirror only to grimace almost turning away in an instant. Gashes littered her body, blood seemed to intertwine with sweat pouring down her beaten body, at this point she couldn't recognize herself. Huh, she thought what a fitting image for myself. Picking up the mirror, her face turned sour. You had one job out of all the jobs to shrew up this is the one you choose, her hands trembled as she tightened her grip on the mirror, they… no she was relying on me to be there be there for her but I… her already battered hand drew more blood as the mirror dug into her skin. 

Charlotte breath became steadily rapid as she continued to stared at her own cursed reflection, her guilt burned brighter within her sizzling her insides to point it become harder to breathe as each second pass. More blood oozed out her hand dripping into the streets, she deserved, this pain dying out her would be a fitting end to her-

“Stop” she mumbles with a snap the mirror shattered, little scuttles of shards sprayed everywhere, some digging into her hand.

Feeling a something slide down her face, Charlotte use her other to hand swat it away, but more came. Her irritation grew as she frantically wipes, cursing under her breath, she couldn help as tears seemed to rain. What good would blaming yourself do anyone especially Ellie, a part of herself wanted to sink to the floor bawl her eyes out, scream until her voice gave out but-

She bit her lips hopefully to stop the quivering, looking up to fix her gaze unto the horizon, even when the city is in turmoil the sun still shone it warm light upon her, making her body tingle. Reminds me of Ellie, images of the brunette made a subtle smile on Charlottle. Ellie always turning the situation around persevering through all hardships. Even thought Charlottle was the one who caused the mess Ellie had to clean up time after time, she always wounded why Ellie kept her around, was it because she cared or out of pity?

No, no no no not now. She couldn’t dwell too much. Putting a hand on her chest she took laboured breath to tame her erratic heart, in a snap her eyes opened ignited with a determination no… a fire that seem to engulf her filled with new-found vigor.

It doesn't matter how Ellie saw her, a foolish girl she pities, a friend or a coward that turned her back when she needed the help. At least she can do is put her life, the one Ellie saved countless times to good use.

Charlotte stepped forward, one foot in front of the other hesitant at first only to morph into a light jog. “Ellie were every you are’’, putting more weight on her legs she full on sprinted forward, red fringes flying everywhere as smoke-filled air parted in her wake.

Please wait for me

author note: That's about it, i hope you enjoyed this short story. Tell me what you think and also any advise you want to give me regarding writing for fanfic.

[thevikingwoman]

11 questions

Tagged by @empresstress13 thank you!

Rules: Answer 11 questions, write 11 of your own, tag 11 people

1. What is your earliest memory (that you’d like to share)?

I have some vague memories of walking around in my parents garden. The first distinct memory is when I was about 4 or 5, and my neighbor’s grandkid, Thomas, taught me how to climb into the bed of their pickup truck’s bed (is it called the bed? the think in the back. You put things in). 

Anyway, Thomas’ family moved in instead of his grandparents, and we were best of friends through primary school. (though not IN SCHOOL, because boys and girls can’t be friends, idk.).

2. What’s your go to comfort food?

Bread and French Fries. 

3. I know that lots of people have “dinosaur” or “ancient Egypt” interests as a child; what was something that you were super interested in as a child? I’d love to learn a new fact about that subject if you’re willing!

So I totally had a Ancient Egypt phase, lol, but not until I was an older teen -  OH before that I had an Ancient Rome phase, actually. I wrote a school project about the rise and  fall of the Roman Republic up til the rise of the Empire (as a non-democratic state). It was probably in 5th grade? I did a LOT of reading (but only one book, haha I should have used more sources!). 

I’ve always loved history, of all kinds. When I travel I try to read up on a country or culture’s history. 

It’s too far gone for me to remember any Roman facts, but we recently visited the Yucatan peninsula in Mexico. The Maya are amazing, and at the height of their power not only constructed big cities, but raised roads for trade, communications and more between them. They also had/have spiritual significance (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacbe). The scope of creating roads is really large and though the temples are impressive some say that the roads presents and large effort.  I don’t see this in the wiki, but on one of the sites I read that roads were covered with white stucco so you could see them in the moonlight. Because the Maya didn’t use beasts of burden, they traveled by foot. The white roads enabled them to see the road reflected in the moonlight, and travel during the cooler night time. 

here is the remnants of one - they probably cleared some it at the site, but the jungle grows fast ;). (sorry for my kids blurred out face, but I’m paranoid about showing their faces). It looks just like rubble, but this was build around 800-1200 afair and that is a LOT of rocks (the foundations). 

4. What’s your favorite why to create (draw/ write/ bake/ sculpt/ sew/ etc) and/OR what is your favorite creation to consume (art/ stories/ food/ clothes/ etc)?

Baking and writing. And writing software, does that count :)

Consuming is reading, and videogames.

5. What are your top 5 books? (or if you’re not into reading, top 5 games?)

This is a difficult question. I have a lot of books I feel attached to, but I have not read in so very long. Are they still my favorite? I have a good deal of books I read and enjoyed and even read more than once, but don’t feel serious enough to warrant ‘top 5′ - they are simply enjoyable. Mostly these are books that felt deeply impactful when I read them. 

The Lord of The Rings - JRR Tolkien  (+ the Hobbit, which might be even better) I don’t think I can underestimate how much LOTR has meant for me. They are the foundation of my interest in all things fantasy, fantastical and nerdy. My dad read The Hobbit for me when I was 8, and I loved it so much. I have a cheap paperback version of LOTR, a beautiful hard cover illustrated one, and a Danish version. I feel like my whole entire life and interests and friendships would have been different without reading this. 

The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Milan Kundera I read this for school, in High School. It felt very deep (which might be that way you feel when you’re a teen and you discover something clever), and also just questioning about the nature of life and love and romance. 

Good Omens - Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman Honestly just hilarious and fantastic and imaginative. 

Momo and the Time Birds - Micheal Ende (too lazy to look up the exact English title, sorry). This is a children’s book, and like the Neverending Story (also great), it is so much more. It reminds us to not let the world consume us, in a way. I should re-read. 

The Earthsea Trilogy - Ursula K Le Guin Such an amazing story, story telling and world building. Some of this becomes almost dreamy, like I don’t know where the book ends, and my experience of it begins. I don’t know how else to describe it. (I know there are more than 3 books, but I recall the fourth as not impacting me, and I don’t think I ever picked up the 5th? I should)

honorable mention, but despite Death of the Author I can’t bury her deep enough - The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. hugely influential for me in terms of story telling from a female perspective, but... well. 

6. What’s your favorite color? Do you enjoy wearing that color?

Purple and green, and yes I do. 

7. If you could have any form of transportation (real or fictional), what would you want?

Teleportation! 

8. Do you prefer sweet or savory? What’s your favorite type of each?

I prefer sweet over savory, for snacks. I’m not sure what you mean by favorite. If we go by snack, chocolate and potato chips. (but not together, your heathen!)

9. If you could take a class on anything at all, what would you want to take a class on? Why?

I’d love to have time to take a drawing class again, and actually have time to practice. 

Cello - I’d love to be able to play the cello! 

Native American/First Nation culture and history, pre-colonial history of Central and South America, and LOTS of other history classes!  

10. Do you have a favorite flower or other plant? What is it?

 I love magnolia trees, and any flowering trees. Japanese Maple. Big oak trees.  

11. Also stealing this one: Tell me a joke! Or a funny fact! Either works. :)

I am terrible with jokes ;)

A dad joke:

Why shouldn’t you use a broken pencil? 

- it’s pointless

A programmer joke:

The two most common problems for programmers:

1. Naming 2. Cache invalidation 3. Off by one errors

My questions:

1. The most beautiful place you have been  2. Pick a super power. Why that one?  3. Do you have a comfort movie or show? What is it?  4. A creation you’re really proud of? 5. Something you are looking forward to in the next year or two? 6. Top 5 video games? 7. A recent favorite anything (food/entertainment/clothing/??) 8. Favorite board game? 9. Stealing this one: I know that lots of people have “dinosaur” or “ancient Egypt” interests as a child; what was something that you were super interested in as a child? I’d love to learn a new fact about that subject if you’re willing! 10. A strange thing you googled recently, if you’re willing to share. 

tagging: @bearly-tolerable @galadrieljones @drellvhen @buttsonthebeach @ellstersmash @idrelle-miocovani @hansaera @dirthara-mama @a-shakespearean-in-paris @lyrium-lovesong @liderfin

[the-darklings]

[lets talk about writing]

Thank you so much to my lovely girls @deviantramblings & @thedragonkween for tagging me, this was a little different but I really enjoyed answering these! 

(putting answers under the cut because I got carried away ayyy)

–

short stories, novels, or poems?

Novels. This is purely because I like stories building from the ground up and getting completely sucked into a different world. I could spend days upon days reading novels tbh. Short stories have recently grown on me though. They can really pack a punch and take a lot of skill to do well. Poems...everyone has very different opinions on what is actually considered “poetry”. 

what genre do you prefer reading?

I’m huge on Fantasy. Throw in some Romance (rarely on its own though), Sci-Fi, Mystery and we’re good to go. I enjoy the richness of fantasy worlds because it takes a really good author to do good world building/magic systems etc. Also, I’m a sucker for political manipulations and magic. 

what genre do you prefer writing?

Depends on my mood. I suppose at the core of my writing is Romantic fluff/angst. Though I also really enjoy writing Sci-Fi (though, again, I’m nowhere near intelligent enough for hard Sci-Fi lol).

are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person?

I used to be a chaotic writer. Never planned anything and suffered for it tbh. Now I certainly plan more but I’m also a very big mood person so it’s a mix between the two truthfully. 

what music do you listen to while writing? 

I have entire playlists built for certain characters and had music inspire me while I’m writing lots of times before. It’s like air to me. But the actual content of these playlists varies because some songs might be there for a certain reason? Sometimes it’s sad, sometimes it’s very upbeat or dark. Each song usually corresponds to certain fics/scenes etc.

fave books/movies?

We’re going to be here a while ayyyy:

Books: Harry Potter, The Book Thief, The Poppy War (is it duology? series? dunno but the first book alone is worth a mention), Misborn Series, Shades of Magic Series, Vicious, The Grisha Trilogy/Six of Crows Duology, The Hunger Games, Alice (and many, many more)

Movies: The Shawshank Redemption, Inception, Beauty and the Beast, The Dark Knight Trilogy, Gladiator, LOTR/The Hobbit trilogies, Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron, Rise of the Guardians, the majority of Marvel movies (and many more yet again.)

any current WIPs?

Too many to count ayyy. But I’m currently slowly writing my first Arthur Morgan x Reader fic. It’s at 3.5k so far. 

if someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

Black jeans, white/black/white/red or grey shirt, leather/denim jacket and sneakers. 

create a character description for yourself:

A (poorly) multitasking idiot addicted to coffee and complex characters that will never be real. 

do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

Rarely. But fun fact, in by the grace (of hatred in my veins) the criminal that kidnaps the Reader? He was based on my former best friend lol. 

are you kill-happy with characters?

Depends on the situation. I typically dislike unhappy endings because I want shit to work out in my fiction, ya know? Make me suffer but gimme a happy ending. That being said, as all of you know by now, I’m fine with hurting/killing characters if the narrative requires it. I do what needs to be done lol. 

coffee or tea while writing? 

Both. Tea more often than coffee because I do most of my writing later in the day but yes. 

slow or fast writer?

Again, depends. I can write anywhere from 200 a day to 4k a day. Depends on the day/time I have available to me, and most importantly, inspiration.  

where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

I’m a very visual person. I have Pinterest boards, writing inspo tag etc. photography, quotes, they all inspire me a great deal. Music as well. They’re all crucial to my creative process. 

if you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

Assassin. Because I would be out to get all that ass and get rich obviously. Bonus points if I get cool superpowers. 

most fave book cliche? least fave book cliche?

Fave: enemies to lovers or just power couples in general. Nothing more brilliant that two people who hate each other and through circumstances come to realise that they are more alike than they ever imagined. Terrifying separately, a pure nightmare together. Shout out to mutual pining, and slowburn too. 

Least fave: cookie cutter “chosen one”. I’ve seen this trope done really well but most of the time it irks me so much. Especially in fantasy books because I feel like I’m reading the same character over and over again. 

fave scenes to write?

Angst and romantic tension scenes. Kisses are fun too because you really poke around the sensations/thoughts/feelings of a character. 

most productive time of day for writing?

I try to do as much writing as possible during the day but it rarely works out because I’m typically really busy during the day. Evening time is when I sit behind my computer properly so I try to dedicate it to the blog (like answering your questions etc) but I now take a more chill approach and write more during the evening time. But again, my productivity depends on my mood/health. 

reason for writing?

Enjoyment (despite how painful it is). The idea of others liking my writing is amazing though. I’ll be honest, I also find people really fascinating? I like thought process/construction of characters and these wild stories you are able to tell through words alone. Writing is just pure creation? I love it. My friends would probably tell you that I also have a lowkey God Complex lmao. 

–

tagging: @drmsqnc // @connorshero  // @deviantcrimes  // @thirium-ink // @deviancy-wasteland  // @deviantsupporter // @the-kryomancer // @shadows-echoes & @negotiator-on-site and anyone else who decides they’d like to try it!!

[chrysaliseuro2019]

Monopoli 2

Next day we started off the day with Alessandro again as we had extended for one more night and had to pay him. He is a very pleasant guy. Still at uni, very smart, laid back, great English and a handsome boy. Obviously also appreciates the finer things in life given his restaurant recommendations which he was pretty passionate about.

Our plan for the day was to head to Polignano a Mare. Post breakfast Liz was feeling tired so wanted to grab another hour’s sleep. Good opportunity for me to check out the cathedral which she had seen the previous night. I also tried on the shoes we had seen the previous day, this time with my orthotics but wrong size. Shame because they were on sale and very reasonably priced. And looked good😥.

The cathedral was very interesting and pretty stunning if you like your grandiose marble columns. And I do. There were also very good paintings and a number of different chapels each of which had a story which was well described in English in the short, paper guide.

The site has been continuously occupied for at least 4000 years with huts built on it in the Bronze Age. A pagan temple was located on the site and in 256AD a Christian church was built in its place so changing religious approach accommodated.

Construction commenced on the original church on this site in 1107 but they did not have wood for roof beams. In 1117 a raft arrived in the harbour carrying a Byzantine icon of the Madonna with child (which really stands out as you wander around the church it is really lovely). Beams from the raft were used to construct the roof of the church. Some of these beams are preserved and can be seen in the appropriately named “Chapel of the Beams”. Wiki describes the events of 1117 as a miracle. Unsure if that is in the biblical or fortuitous sense. Apparently the church also took over 300 years to build. Funds must have been tight. In 1742 the old Romanesque church which was unsafe was demolished and the current baroque church built.

It was now midday and the church was closing with just a few visitors left. I managed to hang on for another 7/8 minutes and was the last to leave. Pretty soon after, Liz called and we headed for Polignano.

Polignano had been recommended both by the Maitre de we liked in Vieste and Alessandro so we were determined to go there. It might even be a loose possibility to spend a night at it if it scrubs up really well. We certainly wondered if we should have headed there and spent one less night in Monopoli. Alessandro said we must visit the Pescaria restaurant which serves various varieties of seafood, in rolls etc. He said it was so successful that they had opened up a second one in Milan. His advice was -just look for the crowds lined up outside and you will know you are there.

Just a short 20 minute drive or so to Polignano. We parked up close to town. Took our bathers as mid thirties but felt like 40 and town right by the sea. Walked past the Roman ruins to get into town and immediately saw a small cove which was the town beach. It was very crowded and really a mousetrap with say 250-300 people on it and many in the water surrounded by cliffs. We weren’t tempted to go in. We did do a “Where’s (the) Wally” photo with me trying to blend into the throng.

We just stood and watched this hubbub for a while. Young macho guys and girls jumping and diving into the water from the surrounding rocks and generally everyone trying to tone up their tans. Noise was pretty loud too. A fun place.

We retreated into town looking for the Pescaria and it was easy to find. A queue outside and in. We had to have lunch and could not go past this place given its local fame. The wait was probably 50 minutes+. Thirty mins to get into the place and order and another 20 to collect it. There were tables and chairs inside and out but it was mayhem and we had seen some benches under trees on the main drag and took our lunch to there. I had a prawn roll which Liz also shared a bit of and she had a slider with prawns. Both excellent and it would be great to be able to get that in Melbourne. The whole experience of queuing, anticipating and the general boisterousness of the place was worth seeing and food good too.

PS - we were amused that waiters came out with trays of food yelling out the number of each order. This right amidst the bedlam of people eating and waiting to be served and conversing (as Italians do - loudly) the old electronic approach where they give you a token which then beeps when food is ready would have been better.

Off for a walk around the old town and as ever in this part of the world a number of narrow streets and picturesque buildings. We dropped into a few shops along the way though no acquisions. Our general feeling - good place to visit for a short while but we pulled the right string with Monopoli. Damned a little with faint praise and definitely worth a visit but wouldn’t stay there.

Now around 4.30 and we headed for home but looking out for a beach. Still very hot. We found one just outside Monopoli again a small, perhaps tiny, cove. We both soon had a swim to cool off. Liz throwing in a relaxed and lazy 200 metres or so of enviably stylish and relaxed freestyle and general floating. Stepping out of the water loose as a goose.

Me, 20 metres of a tad more frenetic doggie paddling after which it was time for a stroll around the nearby cliffs. These were a bit more like those volcanic areas of Victoria by the beach with very sharp rocks which were the result of volcanoes 14 billion years ago.

Any way after 20 minutes or so I returned to find Liz chortling away. An Italian mother with two twins aged about 2 was trying to control these two little tikes who it would be fair to say did not want to be controlled and at age 2 in true Italian style had attitude. Curly black locks they were gorgeous with full moon round faces. Mama was struggling to cope. She was determined to let them stick their toes in the water but not much more as she clearly thought they might drown. This meant she stood in their way if they tried to get too far in ie more than a metre from the sand which was about 6 inches in depth. This though meant that they needed other mischief to create. They would run up and throw sand on their towels which also set mum off. Of course if she ran up and admonished whoever did it the other one would head for the water which meant she had to belt down and guard them and the whole scene repeated itself endlessly with the only constant a frazzled mum and mischievous kids.

It was hilarious and the central culprit of the twins was “Angelo”. We never discovered the other one’s name as mum never used it so he became Angelo 2. All we heard was “Oh Angelo, Angelo”. As a little cameo couple of hours we could not have had much better value. Lovely little beach, great temperature, sandy cove, Angelo and brother in top mischievous form and their behaviour contrasting totally with the little Asian boy who was with Grandma. He was as tranquil as could be and was allowed to go in the water close to the rocks and play and then stood up very calmly on a rock in the sea as grandma changed him ready to leave. Great fun and a minor study in different behaviours plus the gorgeous Angelo twins. Time for us to head home.

Post showers the evening started again at the city square for a quiet drink and people watch and then we looked around for a restaurant in one of the back streets away from the crowd. We had seen a couple on our lost wandering of town. Of course weren’t really sure where they were and could not find one that suited. Either too boisterous or cafe rather than restaurant.

Back we went to the centre of town and then headed in the general direction of one of Alessandro’s recommended pizza places. The one we could not get into a couple of nights earlier (Chine). In truth we didn’t expect to be successful this time either. Well we were lucky. A table outside was free with about a 10 minute wait. No prob. I ducked back to the car which was parked nearby to collect something and by the time I returned Liz was seated. We ordered Napoletana style pizza with olives, anchovies, capers, mozz and some spicy salami. No prob but we then had at least a 45 minute wait. When it rolled up it was worth the wait. Fantastic ingredients, really tasty crunchy crust and something I have never had before - Anchovies served in a tin which we added ourselves to the pizza.

We both agreed that it was arguably the best pizza we had ever eaten. Well done Alessandro again.

It had been yet again a big and varied day.

[catholicartistsnyc]

MEET: Jenna Mohr

JENNA MOHR is a cosmetologist and hair stylist living in NYC. (Instagram / email: jenammohr@gmail.com)

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION (CAC): What brought you to NYC, and where did you come from?

JENNA MOHR (JM): I moved to NYC after college to start a new job as a tax accountant in Midtown Manhattan almost 4 years ago.  I came from Charleston, South Carolina, where I was ready to take a position at a local firm and live a comfortable life eating lots of great food, listening to local music and enjoying cheap libations with friends.  Living in New York and working as a hairstylist had always been a dream of mine; but as time progressed, I grew to accept the notion that my dreams might end and not materialize into reality.  

A friend from high school, who was studying accounting at Clemson University, mentioned that his classmate had just finished an internship at a firm in NYC that was hiring.  We were able to get a hold of the recruiter, and the rest is history. Now, I am living out my dream working at a Big 4 accounting firm to pay the bills and going to Arrojo Cosmetology school part time, contemplating what my next move will be.  I would love to style/cut hair in the film, theater or print industries and am excited to explore those avenues once I graduate in February. I have close to no free time and eat mostly Cliff bars, but, hey! Living the dream!

CAC: What do you see as your personal mission as a Catholic working in the arts?

JM: I have never contemplated the term “Catholic artist” until answering these questions, but I suppose I can call myself one now.  I definitely define myself as a Catholic but feel that I am growing into the term “artist” since I had to convince everyone around me in New York that I was an accountant first until I started cosmetology school in September 2018.  Now my mission as a Catholic cosmetologist is to help bring out the innately good and beautiful in whoever I am working with.  Although my profession as a cosmetologist is seemingly aesthetic only, I have come to discover that how you treat the individual you are working with and make them feel, regardless of what they end up looking like, is where the value is. Being in this profession, I have realized how truly selfless I need to be in order to give of myself to the client. As a result, I feel that my faith has strengthened because I recognize that only God and his grace can give me the emotional energy I need to make whoever is sitting in my chair to feel like the best possible version of himself/herself.

CAC: Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

JM: Sister Virginia Joy with the Sisters of Life!  I first met Sister Virg in middle school where she was the assistant soccer coach and also a high school academics/college admissions counselor.  I told her how I wanted to be a hairstylist but that my parents wouldn't let me and said I needed to get a 4 year STEM degree instead.  Throwing in the towel, I thought I may study engineering but Sister Virg challenged me to not give up on my dreams.  She helped me to to devise a plan where I could study accounting, specifically tax since it is seasonal nature, and then pursue cosmetology down the road in the "off seasons".  My sophomore year, she told our soccer team she was moving to the Bronx to become a nun.  Fast forward almost a decade and I also am moving to New York and reconnecting with Sister Virg. She helps to keep me Catholic by inviting me to Catholic events throughout the city and I have even gone to the house to style one of the mother's hair for a gala.

A special shout out to St. Patrick's in Midtown because I have the opportunity to go to daily mass and confession at one of the most beautiful churches in the country and arguably the world.  Also, it has been a safe haven for me where I would go to nap during my lunch break during the gosh awful tax seasons where it was not unusual to leave the office before 2AM for months at a time.

Finally, reading the daily liturgy has given me the daily courage and reminder of what it means to be Catholic.  Through daily readings, I have discovered one of my favorite passages where Jesus wakes the young girl up from the dead saying, "Talitha koum", or "Little girl, arise".  This phrase is my own personal, "YOU GO GIRL!", from Jesus.  I got it tattooed on my finger (highly advise against finger tatts, they fade and will look a little silly) as a reminder to keep pushing and pursuing my dreams.

CAC: Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

JM: I don't know a lot of Catholics or a lot of artists but Renee Roden (the editor of the newsletter!) has been instrumental in supporting my art and faith.  She asked if I would like to be one of the featured artists on this blog.  When she asked, I think that is one of the few times where I really felt like an artist and more importantly, a Catholic artist.  She has invited me to plays, readings and is always excited to explore art and our faith.  I am incredibly grateful for a friend that shows so much gumption for a world that I love and admire so deeply.

CAC: How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

JM: My first reaction is: how can the two be separated?  The Church and the arts have so much in common and both are all about exploring, discovering and seeking truth in some form.  I think if we look at it from that angle the Church will naturally be more welcoming to artists.  Seeing that my free time is limited, I am not aware of a lot of "happenings" in the city; however, I think if parishes hosted open mic nights or other art forums and extend it to the general community that people would be receptive.  I understand that Church and religion can seem scary and rigid but I think a forum that allows people to express themselves free of judgement can create a bridge to a safe space that the Church needs to extend to the outside community.

CAC: How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith?

JM: I think it is a 2-way street!  The outside world, particularly NYC, can seem scary to a law-abiding Catholic.  However, these safe spaces, created through art forums can help to bridge those gaps.

CAC: Where in NYC do you find spiritual fulfillment?

JM: I am a parishioner of St. Patrick's Old Cathedral; however, I have been attending St. Cecilia's in Brooklyn lately due to its proximity to where I live.  I highly recommend both!  While Old St. Pat's is the cool, hip place for young folks to be,  St. Cecilia's, at a fraction of the size, has also been great and just as welcoming!  Both have beautiful music and the priests are very kind, welcoming and give great homilies.  If you are in Brooklyn, you should definitely check out St. Cecilia's, us Catholics are out here too!  

(Side note, St. Cecilia's is close to McCarren Park, Graham Avenue with so many cute places to eat and stroll around. I am currently answering these questions at FourFiveSix an outdoor bar with eclectic decor and food inside.  Only a 2 minute walk to St. Cecilia's and they have WI-FI!)

CAC: Where in NYC do you find artistic fulfillment?

JM: I like to sit at the park and listen to my thoughts and take in the sites.  I love North Brooklyn Farms in Williamsburg (you should visit since it will be closing soon!).  You can see the Manhattan skyline and the old Domino sugar refinery factory, my favorite building in the city, is located there as well.  I love the industrial look that parts of Brooklyn has to offer.  I think a lot of that architecture and scenery influence the styles I like to create as a hairstylist because it is all about embracing the imperfections and bringing them to light in a romantic and beautiful way.  

Due to my schedule, I haven't had a lot of opportunity to join many other extracurricular activities outside of work and school; however, I believe there is so much to be inspired by in our everyday lives that may transpose into another medium.  You never know what may trigger an idea for a new hairstyle; it may be a building, a sign, someone on the subway, construction sites throughout the city, even a podcast!  

CAC: What is your daily spiritual practice?

JM: I read the daily readings/reflections from the Laudate app on my phone on the way to work every morning.  It is a great way for me to set the tone for the day. Sometimes I will go to daily mass and/or confession at St. Patrick's.

CAC: What is your daily artistic practice?

JM: Right now, my daily artistic practice is going to class every evening.  On the weekends, I may do hair for my friends.  In the past, I have gone to a music festival to braid hair. I love music and the performing arts in general so I was very excited to be in a setting where I could experience both!

CAC: Describe a recent day in which you were most completely living out your vocation as an artist. What happened, and what brought you the most joy?

JM: I love cutting and styling hair.  I enjoy challenging myself, learning new skills and most importantly, seeing a client's reaction when they are feeling the LOOK!  I am actually surprised by my most recent day in which I was most completely living out my vocation as an artist.  I braided my friend's hair this past weekend.  I was nervous because I am not super experienced with braiding add-ins (adding additional hair so that braids can be longer/fuller/more colorful, etc.) or working with natural hair.  I was satisfied with the outcome and enjoyed the process but there was still plenty of room for improvement.  What caught me by surprise was my friend's reaction.  She was so grateful and excited that I was open to learning and pursuing a skill, being able to work with multiple hair types, particularly natural hair types, that is so under served in the beauty world.  I am realizing that my sense of fulfillment, as far as living out my vocation, does not need to come from a high-profile job but can emerge from small encounters and bring a massive impact to myself and the client.

CAC: You actually live in NYC? How!?

JM: Friends of friends, my alumni group on Facebook, and the good Lord! This is the first time I am renewing my lease since I've lived here and I couldn't be happier! For one apartment search, I posted on my Facebook alumni group to see if anyone was looking for a roommate and reconnected with a girl I had interned with years ago for Charleston Fashion Week! Whenever I was searching, I think it was very helpful to start with the resources I had - friends of friends, alumni groups, or anybody I knew that was already living here.  The options can be very overwhelming but I found that using my current network, as small as it is, to be very beneficial.

When I first moved here, I wanted to be in Manhattan so that I could ensure I was able to navigate life and get to work.  Then I discovered North Brooklyn Farms and Brooklyn and cheaper rent and I've been moving further east ever since.

CAC: But seriously, how do you make a living in NYC?

JM: I became an accountant first and got my CPA.  It was brutal. I know that my vocation is to be a world class hairstylist ideally in film, theater or print.  However, I wanted to make sure I had a practical course of action to get there that would allow me to pay for my education and support myself in the city.  My plan A started with my plan B.  It took years of discipline and I know that I am coming into my vocation a little later than most; but Hey, look at Sarah! God's timing can be worlds different from ours; but patience, practice, discipline and most importantly faith has helped me to reach and keep striving for my goals. How much would you suggest artists moving to NYC budget for their first year? I think the important things to consider are transportation, food, rent, laundry and maybe a flight home to see mom every once in a while.  If the budget allows, you may consider a gym membership that has a shower...you never really know the quality of the apartment you are about to be living in or the responsiveness of a landlord.  Having a gym membership proved to be very helpful when my bathroom was out of commission for about a week. After that, you really need to tailor it to your lifestyle and figure out how much you want to spend.

CAC: What other practical resources would you recommend to a Catholic artist living in NYC?

JM: Find a good coffee shop or cafe! Some of my favorite coffee shops are closing due to increased rent prices so if you have a local coffee shop that you love, keep loving on them!  These types of places will also host great events for artists and can be a great way to connect with others with shared (or different) interests.  I love working outside as much as I can or to find a space with great natural light.  I have enjoyed North Brooklyn Farms, Domino Park, McCarren Park, Little Skips, 19 Cafe, Bushwick Grind, FourFiveSix and runs along the east river through Williamsburg into Greenpoint or across the Williamsburg Bridge.

CAC: What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists moving to NYC?

JM: GO TO CHURCH (and confession)! Even if you feel like you are losing your religion as an adult, stay open to God's grace.  I think NYC is an incredibly challenging place to live - spiritually, financially, emotionally.  If anything, allow the church to be a quiet place to sit and find solace in the silence, and let the Big Guy do the rest.  I love going to confession in the city, because nobody knows who the heck you are!! It's such a weird and liberating sensation knowing that the guy behind the screen may never see you again.  Also, I have had some of the best confessions of my life at St. Patrick's in midtown.  You would think that it could potentially be an assembly line of people expecting a dry, one-size fits all confession and absolution; but it could not be more the opposite!  The priests will make jokes, advise you on your life, provide tailored insight and give you a penance that will make you feel awesome.

Make friends with the non-Catholics and non-religious.  I am a cradled Catholic and love my faith but God gave us free will and I want to use such an incredible gift and what better way than to learn about others who do not share the same beliefs as you.  I recently met a man who said that he has always wanted to be religious.  He considers himself spiritual but his parents never took him to church and religion is something he has always wanted to explore but didn't quite know how.  These kinds of people need you in their lives.  You don't need to turn them religious, or Catholic, but being there and listening is sometimes all it takes.  I try not to tell people that I am religious or go to church because realistically, it can scare people off sometimes.  However, some of my friends that I have become close with in NYC say that they admire that I still practice and have even asked if they could come to church with me.  We are just mediums for God's art; sometimes we just need to show up and he will take care of the rest.

Call mom.  Like St. Monica (also my mum's name!), our mothers are likely worried sick that we are turning into delinquents hustling in the city.  Let her know you are doing OK, brushing your teeth and still going to Church.  And if you aren't doing those things, call mom anyway and tell her you love her and thank her and then try to go do those aforementioned things.

If you know anyone looking for a hairstylist please don't hesitate to reach out! I am new to the artist world and would love to become as immersed as possible in my spare time while I am waiting for school to finish in February 2019.