#getting sleep. feeling like a tetris board. etc. its kinda upsetting because i feel like if you look you can always tell what i mean but

[unidentifiedfuckingthing]

i feel like its this universal thing that in like figuring out algorithms or understanding/explaining concepts i always.......... have the subject and object reversed in viewpoint and it turns the phrasing of the problem inside out. and everyone whos ever tried to help me work toward their right side out understanding of the thing just moves me further away from the objective truth of it. i LIKE math but being taught math was torture because at every level i got it wrong and was unteachable until/unless i figured it out from the ground up on my own. like i always grasp shit with the axes reversed and sometimes thats fine and sometimes it turns something trivial into an unsolvable problem and ive never even been able to isolate and communicate exactly whats going wrong for me and of course ive never been able to figure out how to just reverse the problem and see it the normal way